Comedian Craig Gass was sitting in again this morning. Howard said that Craig does warm up exercises to prepare for his impressions. He was doing Gilbert Gottfried and he just kept saying ''Yesh'' and ''Stop it! I can't handle it!'' over and over again. He did a little more for Howard after the break. Howard said he just sits there laughing at Craig the whole time. Howard said everyone loved the Gene Simmons impression he did last week. Howard said Craig had his pomposity down just right with the impression he did. He does the perfect impression and talks about wacky stuff that Gene would talk about if he were completely mental. ''Gene'' was back this morning rambling about the Kiss Army and the same wacky stuff he was talking about last week. Howard mentioned the make-up and how nothing was happening for KISS when they took it off. ''Gene'' said they did it for the fans, not for the money.
Howard talked about Liberace and how he used to wear a wig all the time. He read some article that said Liberace almost refused a face lift when the doctor asked him to take his hair piece off.
Howard said Crazy Cabbie has been calling him asking for the $5000 that Howard said he'd give him for the fight they had a couple of weeks back. Howard said he doesn'e even answer the phone when Cabbie calls. So he heard his phone ringing Friday night and he figured it was Cabbie. It turned out to be Jon Bon Jovi. Jon is afraid that they're going to have a rerun of their 1988 fight where Howard got pissed at the band for blowing off his show to do some lame stations in the city. Howard said his Program Director was pressuring the band to do Howard's show first and Jon didn't know what to do. Howard said he felt bad for Jon so he told him to do whatever he wants to do. Howard's station doesn't play much Bon Jovi so they don't need to promote their album on his show that bad. Howard said even after all of the conversations it turns out Bon Jovi isn't even coming on the show today like Howard thought they were.
Howard said he was out to dinner with Program Director Steve Kingston, and other people from the station, over the weekend and the guy started talking business. Howard said that drove him over the edge and he had to go home. He didn't want to hear about business when he's trying to have a nice dinner. Howard said everything Steve told him was stuff that he probably needed to know but it could have waited until today. Howard was so pissed about the whole thing that he ended up cursing and had to hit the delay on himself.
Steve ended up on the phone to explain himself. Steve didn't know what upset Howard but Howard didn't want to talk about what they were talking about. Steve did explain the Bon Jovi thing and said that he'll be in later this week. Howard also heard that one of the DJs on the station is seeking employment elsewhere. Afternoon DJ Will Pendarvis is looking for a job somewhere else. So now Cane and Crazy Cabbie may be moved to afternoons. That's not official yet though. Howard said he ran into Will on the street but he wasn't sure if he knew that he knew that he's leaving or if he should just keep quiet. Howard said he didn't say anything to Will but he could tell the guy was bummed out.
The party Howard had gone to was thrown by this DJ Booker's ''friend''. They had about 12 people there and Howard wasn't sure who was paying for all of these people. Howard said everyone was drinking like a fish. Howard thought that the fact that Booker is dating Jennifer Lopez's sister Linda was supposed to be some big secret. It turns out it's not a secret so they spent a short time talking about that. After the party Howard ended up going to the club Lot 61 where he ran across Alicia from ''Survivor 2''. He didn't spend much time talking about that though.
Stuttering John told Howard about a scene in the movie ''Shrek'' that he thought was kind of dark and funny. He can't tell a story very well so it wasn't all that dark and funny when he told it. Howard was afraid that John might ruin the movie by telling him a scene from it but the way the story was told is what may have ruined it.
Comedian Dave Chappelle came in this morning to just hang out. Howard ended up telling him a story about going to see his daughter do an African Dance thing. Howard went and actually participated in it for a couple of minutes. Howard said there were people dressed up in the full African outfits doing this dance why drummers played. Howard said it was a really great workout and it only cost $12 to get in.
Howard promoted Dave Chappelle's appearance in the Toyota Comedy Festival on June 6th. Howard asked him if he's got any new material on Robert Blake. Dave said he doesn't do jokes about celebrities because he always feels bad for them. Howard spent a minute wondering about Blake's problems and how we'll owe him a big apology if he really didn't kill his wife like so many people think he did.
Chaunce Hayden sent in a tape of an interview he did with the real Gene Simmons. Howard played some of it and Craig Gass' impression isn't that far off of the wacky stuff that the real Gene talks about. Gene was telling Chaunce that KISS has cartoons, a Broadway show, a magazine and many other things in the works. The interview was done about 3 years ago and none of the stuff Gene said they had in the works ever made it. Of course Craig was there doing his ''Gene Simmons'' the whole time making it funnier than it actually was. Howard found out that the interview is an hour long but he doesn't have the whole thing. Chaunce suggested that they ask Craig the same questions, get his answers as ''Gene'' and then play the real Gene answering them to see how close they are. Craig said he'd even put on the KISS makeup to do the bit tomorrow.
Howard had Craig do a bunch of his impressions to remind everyone who he is. Craig did Sam Kinison, Al Pacino's baby, Christopher Walken and even a Dave Chappelle doing a white guy impression. Craig even tried out his Gary Dell'Abate impression but it wasn't quite ready yet. It was close though.
Howard said that he saw some helium balloons being released in the city over the weekend and he wondered just how high they go. He said he feels really stupid for not knowing the answer to that. Everyone in the studio discussed it for a couple of minutes but no one knew the real answer. A weatherman called in a short time later with an explanation... That didn't make any sense. The guy turned out to be a meteorologist from the military. He told Howard that weather balloons go up to 100,000 feet or so but he had no idea how high a kid's helium balloon would go. Howard then tried to find out how high outer space is and the guy had no clue. The guy said that ''outer space'' is undefined and he didn't have an answer for Howard. Howard spent a few minutes goofing on the guy because there's no way he could be a meteorologist.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of Kathie Lee Gifford talking to Conan O'Brien about partying, drinking and not wearing a bra. Howard said it was just boring though. Howard thanked him for playing all of this boring crap on his show and hung up on him.
Howard played a song that newswoman Deborah Norville has just put out called ''Gonna Keep On Movin''. She has the same voice synthesizer as Cher had on her voice a few years ago. Howard goofed on that for a couple of minutes too.
Dave Chappelle was saying how he was impressed with the size of Tommy's penis in the home video that was released of Tommy and Pamela Anderson. Howard told Tommy that even a black guy is impressed with the size of his penis so he should be very happy with the size of it. Tommy sounded flattered.
Howard quickly got to the story of Tommy and Pamela Anderson recently getting back with each other. They were back together 12 days and then Pam and Kid Rock were seen having sex in a bathroom in Las Vegas together. Tommy found out about it and broke up with Pam once again. He said this was like the third strike for her so that's it. He said he doesn't see them getting together ever again. Tommy said that Kid Rock called him after it hit the papers and started saying how they're ''bros'' and stuff like that. Tommy said he just said ''Thanks for the call moron!'' and hung up on the guy. Howard told tommy he should get back at him by sleeping with his ex-girlfriend model James King. Tommy said he might give her a call.
Tommy says he's very single right now and he's banging a bunch of chicks and he's loving it. He said he was married for 11 years of his life and being single is s great. He said he has a regular rotation of chicks now and none of them are famous. He said his next future ex-wife will be someone nobody knows.
Tommy asked Howard about his girlfriend, who is basically unknown, and tried to have Howard hook him up with someone. He said he just wants some regular chick who's fun and hot looking. Howard said he'd never introduce his girlfriend to Tommy because he'd steal her right away from him.
Howard told Tommy how he took Pamela to Scores one time and ended up cutting off her dress. He told Tommy he was really hitting on Pam after she'd broken up with him. Tommy jokingly said ''you suck!'' to Howard.
Robin was very curious to find out how many times a day Tommy can have sex. Tommy eventually said he can do it 3 or 4 times a day. He's almost 38 and Howard thought that was hard to believe. Howard says he can do it at least once a day.
Howard said he's read some excerpts from the new book that Tommy and the band have put out, ''The Dirt : Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band'', and it's a really great read. He said there are some cool stories about banging chicks and stuff like that in there. Tommy said he heard it's going to hit the best seller list at number one when it's released tomorrow.
Tommy said he still sees Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue and their kids actually go to the same school. He said it's kind of weird for them to show up at the school and watch their kids walk up the stairs into the school.
Tommy said that Pam did call him recently crying and asking to get back with him but he told her to go call Kid Rock.
''Gene Simmons'' chimed in and told Tommy that he'd let Tommy and the band into a KISS show for a reduced rate of $55 a pop. Tommy said ''Gene'' really sounded like Gene. ''Gene'' once again said that Motley Crue ripped off KISS to get where they were. Speaking of bands, Tommy said he's working on a new Methods of Mayhem album which should be out in September or October of this year. He'll be in the studio to play live when that comes out. Howard told Tommy they'll go to Scores when he comes to town. Tommy said Howard can cut HIS dress off this time.
Howard and Jon talked a little bit about Tommy and how great of a drummer he is. Years ago Jon and the band had some bad feelings toward Motley Crue but that's over with now. Jon said he saw the Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson tape on 'spankavison' in a hotel somewhere and Tommy is a ''man among men'' with that big penis of his.
Howard tried to talk to Jon about all of the chicks he's done over the years but Jon kept his mouth shut. Howard said Jon had fun on the road before he got married to Dorothea but Jon wasn't talking. Howard mentioned how Tommy Lee and Motley Crue talk about double teaming chicks but Jon wouldn't exactly admit to doing that himself.
Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking about his weekend disguise that didn't work over the weekend. He took his kid to the zoo and tried to hide his identity. He greased his hair back and put on a baseball cap and big sunglasses. He said no one bothered him at the zoo but as he was walking home someone yelled out ''Hey Howard!'' It turned out to be Jon. Jon said that there's no other 6'7'' tall, 135 pound guy walking around Manhattan. Howard said he later went to an ice cream store and a guy in there recognized him too. Someone said that people probably just knew that Howard didn't want to be bothered since he was wearing the disguise.
Jon told Howard that Bon Jovi is out touring right now and he's got a movie coming out later this year in which he plays a vampire hunter.
''Gene Simmons'' came up again and said that they influenced Bon Jovi. He said Bon Jovi played it smart and added a fifth member so it wouldn't look like an exact rip off of KISS. ''Gene'' also said that Jon was in a great movie called ''U-571'' about a submarine and he's going to follow in his footsteps... He's going to be at a Subway sandwich shop later today. Craig Gass (doing the Gene Simmons impression) was cracking himself up with these jokes.
Howard plugged this new album ''One Wild Night'' and at the end of the interview played a little bit of ''Wanted Dead or Alive''.
Howard said tonight is the season finale of ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' and Howard just remembered that he hadn't seen last week's. Robin said she'd get it for him. Both Howard and Robin said they'd have their assistants work out the whole thing... what else are assistants for?
A listener called in and told Howard that he listened to a little bit of Imus one day and he said that Howard only wins in the ratings when he has Robin take off her top and expose her breasts. Robin said they must be doing that every day then because they always beat Imus. Howard went on to rag on Imus for a few minutes. At one point he even said he'd give Imus some publicity by challenging him to a beauty contest. He continued to talk about how Imus is like number 20 in every market he's on in and how he doesn't even come close to Howard's ratings.
The same caller got Howard rolling on hot chick talk too. He mentioned that Jessica Alba and Jennifer Lopez were named the hottest chicks in Hollywood by a two different magazines. Howard said he doesn't think that Jessica is all that sexy but if he saw her in person he might think differently. Howard said that he saw some disturbing pictures of Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. Howard said it looks like Pam has shoved giant implants back in her chest after having them reduced a year or so ago. He said they're two misshapen lumps on her chest now.
Howard brought up the Mayor Giuliani mess that's going on in New York. Giuliani is trying to get rid of his wife Donna Hanover and she's making it tough on him. He apparently went to visit his mother in the hospital and Hanover showed up. Giuliani wanted her to leave but she refused. Howard and Robin were arguing with each other about what Giuliani should have done. Robin thinks that Giuliani should just let the woman visit her mother-in-law. Howard thinks Giuliani has the right to visit his mother in peace with out his wife there. After talking about all of the stuff that Giuliani and Hanover have been going through Howard wondered out loud why people even think about getting married these days. He said it can turn into this mess after a few short years or months for that matter. Howard said Giuliani was so in love with this woman at one point that he was just about stalking her. And now they're fighting over who can stay in the mayor's mansion.
Howard mentioned that this week is ''Fight Week'' on his E! show. The Crazy Cabbie vs. Angry Black stuff is on E! all this week at 11pm. They show more than they were able to show on the Saturday night syndicated show.
Howard said Gary handed him the FHM magazine that has the 100 sexiest women special in it. Howard said these magazines like FHM and Maxim really understand what guys want to see. The women aren't nude but they're close. Howard read through a bunch of the names on the list and commented on how hot some of the chicks are or aren't. Howard said he just doesn't get some of the women on the list. He mentioned Gillian Anderson, Melissa Joan Hart and Heidi Kluum as just a few that don't do it for him. Howard said he'd love to do Elizabeth Hurley, Nikki Cox, Mariah Carey, Heather Graham and many others. Howard read through the top 10 where Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra are. Above them was Christina Aguilera. Howard agrees with that one but he doesn't believe that Jessica Alba should be number 6. He wasn't sure about Alyssa Milano being number 4. Denise Richards was number 3 and Howard doesn't think she should be up there. Howard doesn't get Jennifer Lopez being number one either.
Crazy Cabbie called in with a very hoarse voice. He was talking about some of the hot chicks on the list but Howard had to know why his voice was shot. Cabbie said he was at the Staind Unplugged shoot last night. He lost his voice yelling there. He told Howard that the band Staind are fans of Howard's and they want to do the show. Cabbie complained that R.E.M. delayed the show and held up Staind because they had to redo a few songs 5 times to get it right.
Howard talked to Deborah about her life and how she must have been one of the hottest chicks in high school. She said she wasn't a cheerleader. She was on the track team and later entered a Junior Miss pageant but she swears she didn't wear a bathing suit in that competition. She said her specialty was sewing.
Howard played her song and even danced to it for a few seconds. He then played part of a Cher song that sounded very similar to Deborah's song.
Howard said Suzanne still looks great even after the cancer fight. He said that they weren't going to joke about the cancer but that only lasted a few minutes. Suzanne told Howard about her fight and how she was diagnosed with cancer last April. She went through radiation treatments that made her very sick. She decided to pass on the chemotherapy because she didn't want to be sick through the whole thing. She's got to take one more test of her bone marrow and if she's clean she can pass on the chemotherapy. If she's not clean, she'll have to do it. Howard was bothered that a woman who leads a healthy life got cancer. Suzanne said she never even smoked a cigarette in her life and she still got it. She told him that her sister also had cancer so she went to get a mammogram they found a lump in her breast. She had the cancerous tumor removed and the built up the breast to look like normal. She said they look pretty good too.
Howard brought up the story about Suzanne going to a liposuction clinic. Suzanne swears that she only had fluids removed at the clinic. She said after the radiation treatments she was bloated and just had some fluids removed from her body there. Apparently Jack Lallane was on some show saying that Suzanne shouldn't be putting out a book called ''Suzanne Somers' Eat, Cheat, and Melt the Fat Away'' if she's having her fat removed by liposuction. She says she's not and she stays thin using this diet of hers. She said that people like that should know what they're talking about before they make comments like that.
''Al Pacino's baby'' (Craig Gass) was in the studio and he told everyone to stop whining about the cancer and talk about what it's like to be circumcised. ''Al's Baby'' also asked Suzanne to check his balls for cancer. ''Gene Simmons'' (Gass again) was also in there talking about the KISS institute of Cancer research and how they're going to cure it. He even sang to Suzanne for a few seconds about her cancer. Howard made sure to point out that Suzanne was going braless today too.
Howard talked to Suzanne about her diet book and how that all works. She told him about the foods she's able to eat and how she stays thin even eating fatty foods. ''Sam Kinison'' chimed in and said that he's tried all of this diet stuff but he's still dead. Suzanne told him it's a little too late to diet if he's already dead.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Suzanne and there were a couple of people who just goofed on her cancer. Howard also talked to Suzanne about all of the products that she puts out (SuzanneSomers.com). She's making enough money to own her own private jet which surprised Howard. Suzanne said she and her husband Alan are flying to Italy for a vacation and they'll be alone on the jet with each other. Howard figures she must get bored with him but she says she really does like the guy.
Suzanne said she got a call from John Ritter after her cancer story came out. He apologized to her about blocking her out of his life after she left ''Three's Company'' over a contract dispute. She just wonders why he didn't back her up when she was trying to get more money back then.
Howard wrapped up the interview by saying a little prayer for Suzanne. Of course it was a funny prayer about saving Suzanne's beautiful breasts. ''Sam Kinison'' begged Jesus to bring her to him down in hell. He told Suzanne that he'll leave some guest passes for her at the door.
Howard told Chris that he loved the show and it was great to see hot looking couples getting torn apart by other hot looking people.
Howard told Chris that this chick Mandy who was on the show came on his show and told a couple of lies about getting offers from Playboy and some record company for a record deal. He told Chris that he'd like to see them follow her around now to see what she's up to and whether or not she's still lying about this stuff. Chris said he's heard that she got her own MTV series that she's going to get paid very well for.
Chris also told Howard that they'll do a reunion show sometime next season to see what everyone is up to. He told Howard that they've had 4000 single people apply to be on the next season but they're still looking for more couples to apply. He said they have to do a lot of research to find out if the couples are real couples. Howard told Chris that they have to watch that because they don't know if the people are just trying to get on the show to be famous.
Howard gave Chris a couple of suggestions for the new season. He told him to have people of opposite sex room together so they're forced to be more tempted than usual. He also said they could have a lesbian couple and crap like that. Chris said the format will be different than the last season. They're stretching it from 2 weeks to 4 weeks of temptation which should help a bit. He didn't give many other details though. He did say that the show will run 10 weeks instead of 7 this time.
Chris was kissing Howard's ass telling him that he's a genius. Howard laughed and said that it's funny when the producer of Temptation Island tells him he's a genius when they're both worthless in show business.
Howard told Chris that he would love to see a celebrity Temptation Island. That would be a tough one to put together because all of the stars would want money. Chris said there's not even a grand prize in the show as it is now. Getting laid is about the biggest prize the contestants can get. Howard wrapped up the interview and kissed Chris' ass a little bit like Chris did earlier. He then said that they both had smoke up their asses after that.
A 42 year old guy called in and told Howard that he sent his book of poetry to Lisa Ling who's on ''The View'' and she didn't write back to him. Howard told him of course she didn't write back, he's probably on her stalker list. Howard goofed on the guy for being 42 and sending a book of poetry to some chick on TV to get her picture. The guy said that he's handicapped because he has fibro mialgia so it's tough to get chicks. Howard basically told the guy to just give up on the whole thing. The guy read some of his poetry and Howard ended up goofing on that for a little bit too. He then told the guy that Lisa called him and said she's using his book for toilet paper.
Howard had tape of a band that the kid who played ''Screech'' on ''Saved by the Bell'' is in now. He played a little clip and said that The Losers might have to take ''Screech'' on in a Battle of the Bands like he's done with other celebrities. ''Screech'', aka Dustin Diamond, plays the bass in the band and a woman is the lead singer. After listening to a few seconds of the song Howard said he has to meet this lead singer chick. He listened a little more and thought that the singer might actually be a guy.
Someone who saw Howard in a restaurant the other day called in to goof on him about how he treats his woman. The guy said that Howard doesn't open the door for his girlfriend. Howard said that's true but it's because she doesn't want him to open the door for her. She doesn't want to deal with that whole thing for some reason. Howard told the guy that he's been dating his girlfriend for almost a year now so he ain't doing that bad. This led to Howard talking about how people stare at him all the time when he goes out. KC came in and said that he was out with Howard the other day and some guy just stared at Howard the whole time they were eating. Howard said he even stared back at the guy and he wouldn't stop. He didn't say anything to him though.
Howard complained about General Manager Tom Chiusano bugging him during the last break. Howard said Tom came in and just started talking about how he was in Montana doing some fly fishing for a few days. He ended up bringing in a bunch of pictures that Howard didn't care about seeing. Robin said Tom also caught her out in the hallway and showed her the pictures. Howard said he just wanted to think about what he was going to do next on the show and Tom is showing him panoramic photos he took out in Montana. Tom also claimed that an American Indian tour guide had a pot roach in his ashtray. Tom felt like being wild on vacation so he didn't say anything about it to the guy. Gary came in and said when Tom started showing Howard the pictures he quietly backed out of the room so he wouldn't have to see them. He said Howard then called him over to look at them but he said he'd see them later out in the hall. Tom also told a quick boring story about getting lost on the dirt roads around the river he was going to be fishing in. Tom said he was lost and thought he'd come back to find his fishing partner dead on the side of the road or something. Howard was bored with the whole thing again so he finally moved on to let Robin do her news.
Howard had a new guest in this morning. Morning man Vinnie Penn from New Haven, Connecticut came in to hang out. Howard figured he'd give a radio guy a shot on the show instead of a comedian. Robin immediately commented on his odd looking blonde hair. Vinnie is thinning a little bit and he's dyed his hair blond. They goofed on that for a short time until Robin told her latest Jackie story.
Robin said she went down to the garage to leave yesterday and the garage attendants told her that Jackie was there telling them that he misses them and he thought of that place like his home. Howard guesses Jackie is now negotiating with garage attendants to get his job back. Howard said he had a cushy job and he blew it.
Howard was still amazed that Suzanne Somers has her own jet. He found that out when she came in yesterday. Everyone was talking about how she owns the rights to that Thigh Master thing and they sold millions of them at $20 a pop. Howard said he loved having use of a private jet when they went out to Las Vegas a couple of months back.
Kevin told Howard he heard about it from someone who told him it was better that he didn't hear it himself. Kevin told Howard that REO Speedwagon has been doing great lately selling a lot of tickets when they perform alone. Then when they were hooked up with Kansas and Steppenwolf, 400 tickets sell. Howard guessed that Kevin is basically saying that Kansas and Steppenwolf dragged them down. Kevin did joke about putting the blame on the other bands.
Howard and Robin said that they really like Kevin but the story was too funny not to goof on. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Kevin before ending the call. Kevin said that REO Speedwagon has to sell more than 400 tickets because he lives down the street from Richie Sambora and Wil Smith among others. If the band doesn't sell more then he wouldn't be able to live there. Kevin also said that the promotor for the concert was the one who spread the story about the 400 ticket thing.
Kevin told Howard he has friends in Styx and Journey and it make him look bad to them when a story like this comes out. Howard spent a minute talking about what a prick Steven Perry formerly of Journey was to him years ago. Howard said he got back stage and Perry just treated him like a douche.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guy but the listeners were just goofing on him. Kevin didn't seem to mind it though. He took it like a man. As he was getting off the phone he told Howard their concert was actually a free concert where they gave away 40,000 tickets. He didn't know what happened the two other nights of the concert.
After the call Howard talked about how radio stations always hold these concerts. Even his station K-Rock is having their Dysfunctional Family Picnic on June 22. Stuttering John came in and gave Howard the run down on the bands that would be playing. Blink 182 was one and Staind is going to be there.Stuttering John said that their program director had booked The Ramones, Van Halen and even Guns 'N' Roses but they all had to back out because of various problems including the death of Joey Ramone. Howard didn't know much about this band Staind so he played a couple of clips from their latest album Break the Cycle. Howard also checked out Linkin Park for a few seconds as well as Disturbed.
Crazy Cabbie called in to talk about how great this DFP concert is going to be but he ended up getting into a verbal fight with Stuttering John. They're still calling each other names and Cabbie says he's still willing to beat the crap out of John. John sounds like he's backing out of a fight though. He keeps saying that Cabbie just wants air time but Cabbie says he'll fight him at a gym with no cameras watching them. John's not going to do it though. He keeps saying that he's not looking to fight the guy but if he comes down to the station and starts something there, he'll fight him. That won't happen because Cabbie doesn't want to lose his job for fighting at the station. Howard said he could have listened to them fight all morning but he had to take a break.
Howard talked to guest Vinnie Penn and his hair loss. The guy is only 33 years old and he's losing quite a bit of his hair according to Howard. He feels bad for guys like that.
Gary came in and told a story about how his cell phone was turned off by his phone company for some reason. He said he spent hours and hours on the phone with them trying to get it turned back on. It was all a mistake and it was like pulling teeth to get the thing turned back on. KC came in and talked about how the DMV is using prisoners to answer customer calls in New York. Howard doesn't think they should trust any prisoners with a computer that has DMV information on it.
Some guy called in from Ecco Entertainment to book Howard's band The Losers on a tour. Howard told the guy that he could book it himself if he actually wants to do a tour. The guy said that he could do all of the promotion and stuff like that but Howard said he can do that himself also. He basically turned the guy down but said if he does need his help he can't think of anyone better to do it.
Howard is going to take on the band that he played on the show yesterday. The guy who played ''Screech'' on ''Saved by the Bell'' plays bass in some band and Howard wants to have a Battle of the Bands with The Losers and Screeches band. Howard was trying to figure out what song they'll perform but he never came up with a good one.
Apparently KC has been passing bad checks to parking garages and other places lately. He said he stopped parking in one place because he owed them money. He tried another place but when he went to get his car they told him they owned the other garage and they were holding his car. Gary said that KC didn't even know that passing bad checks could get him arrested.
Gary also told Howard that Craig Gass spent the night at Benjy's apartment on Sunday night and Benjy has night terrors. He just starts yelling out in his sleep. Howard said that he's been hearing that he does that himself. He said his wife used to tell him that and now his girlfriend says he yells and curses while he's sleeping. Howard said it really pisses him off because he talks so much on the radio that he shouldn't have anything left to say when he's sleeping. He said he hasn't bothered to tell his shrink about it because he doesn't know that he's doing it, he just hears about it from his women. Howard thinks that Benjy's night terrors are just to get attention on the show. Benjy said they've been happening since he was a kid but everyone else thinks that he just does it around people who are on the show so they'll talk about him.
Later in the show Howard got around to giving away the trip. This guy Mike who calls in and makes jokes about Howard's ex-wife Alison called in and begged to play. He told Howard that if he just gets the chance to play he'll never mention Alison's name again. Howard let him give it a try. Gary came in with a Game Show Theme song game. The guy was supposed to guess 2 out of the 3 correct to win. He only ended up getting one after Howard gave it away though. Howard gave him the trip anyway. They played theme songs from The Match Game, Wheel of Fortune and The Gong Show. He only got The Gong Show after Howard coughed out the name of it for him. Mike told Howard that his last name was Hock... Mike Hock. So he was joking right down to the end.
Lester said he's trying to get $1000 or so for the record. Howard said he might pay that much just to have the awful songs. Lester suggested doing a search for 'Robert Blake' on eBay.com to bring up his auction.
Gary ended up coming in to talk about their latest batch of interns. He was telling Howard how they're all new and still learning how to do everything. He said they have to train them all to answer phones and stuff like that. Gary said he once asked to get a full time paid person to answer phones for the show because the interns don't always do that great of a job. He was turned down and the owner of the company got pissed at him over the whole thing. Meanwhile, the interns were asking Milton Berle how to spell his name and just pissing him off.
Yesterday Robin mentioned that NBC had done a study of ''The Sopranos'' to figure out why it's so popular. Some guy just wrote an article talking about how NBC would have screwed up ''The Sopranos'' if they'd gotten a hold of it instead of HBO. He said they probably would have called it ''Tony's World'' and it would have been full of pretty guys and pretty women instead of the ''real'' looking people that are actually on the show.
Late in the show yesterday Howard played a Gary Garver interview with Joe Pesci. He replayed that this morning.
Chris said that he still needs to get some of his stuff from his ex-girlfriends house before she hears about this appearance. He knows she'll be pissed. Howard said that the whole concept of the marriage show is just desperate. The woman sounds really desperate begging the guy to marry him. Howard played tape of the TV show where they do their segment. She's crying talking about how he's afraid to get married. Howard interrupted it and said ''He's not afraid, he's sane!'' Howard told Chris that he made the right decision. He then played the tape from ''Carnal Knowledge'' where Jack Nicholson yells at his wife to clean up the house. He told Chris that his life would probably be like that in 5 years if he'd married this chick. Howard then played the tape of Chris turning her down. The audience gasped when he said he couldn't marry her that night. Howard said it was the most insane TV he's seen.
Chris said that he thinks there might still be a chance that they get back together someday but right now they're not even talking to each other. Howard decided to give this guy some prizes since he was the real winner in this whole thing. Gary told Howard they could give him a $250 gift certificate and some stuff from the ReggieJackson.com web site.
Howard was getting ready to take a break when he mentioned that he doesn't have to ''spank his meats'' anymore now that he has a girlfriend. That amazed some people but we all know that doesn't last. Howard changed the subject to his old house and how they just opened up the pool for the season. He misses the pool a lot. Vinnie Favale, who was sitting in this morning, just had a pool put in. He said it was a one day job where they put in a fiberglass 36' foot long pool. He said it's only 4.5 feet deep though. Howard wondered why he'd do something crazy like that. Vinnie can't swim! He didn't want a deep end but Howard wonders what visitors will do in the pool. Howard pointed out that he's 6'5'' tall so his legs might get wet in that pool but that's about it. Since Robin can't swim either someone came up with the idea to have a pool race between Vinnie and Robin. Howard thinks that would be pretty funny.
Kira came in with no underwear and a short dress. Howard said he could see right up there every time she crossed her legs. Howard spent some time talking to Kira about the work she does on Playboy. She was in to promote ''Sexy Urban Legends'' which airs Sunday's at 10pm. She also hosts ''Sexcetera'' and she's been in quite a few Playboy movies. Kira told Howard that she and her husband do all kinds of stuff on their web site MarriedCouple.com also. She said that she does stuff with other women and even other guys on the site. Kira's friend Taimie was also there. Howard had her come in because Kira said they do stuff together. Howard said Taimie was really hot as was Kira. He spent some time talking to them and found out they'd be willing to spank each other. The two of them have done some movies together.
Howard eventually had Kira take her clothes off and she played with herself a little bit. She told Howard she enjoys anal sex and she likes when guys lick her down there.
Howard spoke to Kira about this ''Sexy Urban Legends'' for a short time and everyone shared some urban legend stories for a couple of minutes. He eventually got back to the sex thing and had the two of the girls spank each other before he spanked them himself. He did that for a little while and listened to Kira's story of seducing a college teacher she had. He used that as a scenario for when he spanked Kira. He spanked her until her ass turned bright red and then did the same to Taimie. After doing all of that for a half hour or so he wrapped up the segment. You can find out more about Kira at KiraDance.com and Playboy.com as well as the MarriedCouple.com site.
Bob always has great stories to tell and Howard told him to talk about meeting Jackie Mason last night. Bob said he ran into the old comedian and said hello to him. Jackie said ''hi'' but said he was looking horrible. Bob told him about his illness and how he got separated from his wife. A little while later Jackie introduced him to a couple of friends of his... as Howie Mandel! Bob didn't bother telling him that he wasn't Howie. Jackie asked him what hotel he was staying in and what name he was under. Bob said that he was under Robert Schimmel. Jackie thought it's a name he stays under but his buddies told him that Robert Schimmel is his real name, Howie Mandel is just his stage name! Bob said he never did tell Jackie that he wasn't Howie and he didn't show up for dinner. Bob said he told his agent all of this and his agent thought that he should have let them know so they don't go around telling people that Howie has cancer.
Bob can't talk too much about his wife anymore. He said he was in court last week because his wife wanted a gag order put on him. She claims he said some stuff about her that he didn't and now she's got a gag order on him. He said he doesn't really care, he'll still talk about what's going on. He says he's sunk about $70,000 in legal fees so far and they're not done yet. He managed to get custody of his 3 kids and they all live in a penthouse apartment in Beverly Hills right now. Bob said he took over the place that used to be Playboy Playmate of the Year Brande Roderick's. He said he sleeps in the same bedroom that she used to sleep in.
Howard was amazed that Bob got custody of his kids. Bob said that's one of the things they're fighting over in court. That and the house he owns in Phoenix.
Bob's girlfriend Melissa called in and talked to Howard for a short time. She told Howard how they met and eventually hooked up. She's now working for some Hollywood producer as a personal assistant. Bob said that he didn't plan on falling in love with this woman but he's not going to feel bad about it. He said he doesn't know how much longer he's going to live and he wants to enjoy the rest of his life. Howard felt the conversation was getting a little too heavy by that point.
Bob told Howard about his appearance on Conan O'Brien's show the other night and how they bleeped some of his jokes about his balls. Howard thought it was ridiculous that the did that but Bob did get one good joke out. He said he wrapped up the set by saying that he'd ''...licked the big C... and cancer too.'' The people on the show wondered what the big C stood for.
Robert will be appearing up in Boston at the Comedy Connection this Friday and Saturday. He'll also be out in Vegas next week. You can find out more about where he'll be at Romp.com in Bob's area of the site.
Bob Hung around for the rest of the show to comment on some of the news stories that Robin brought up.