Howard said he had a busy weekend. On Friday he went out to dinner with Attorney Dominic Barbara to Mercer Kitchen. He said he and Dominic both had their girlfriends there. He wasn't sure if he could talk about Dominic's girlfriend though so he kept that quiet for a little while. Howard said they were walking down the street to Dominic's new Bentley when someone yelled out ''There's Howard Stern and Dominic Barbara!'' and Dominic got all excited. Then they got to the car and Dominic couldn't open it. The alarms ended up going off and it took him 10 minutes to open the car. Dominic told Howard that he needs to get himself a Bentley and get out of his Jeep. Howard said he'd never get something as fancy as that. Robin said he might as well have a spotlight on himself. Robin even thinks that Dominic sets the alarms off on purpose just to get attention.
Howard said Dominic's girlfriend is really nice. He said she's in her 30's and she was a fun person to hang out with. Howard said it was weird to see Dominic without his wife Irma. But then he thought about it and said Dominic wasn't seen with Irma much anyway.
Dominic ended up paying for their dinner. The guy is really generous according to Howard. AJ Benza was sitting in once again this morning. He told Robin that she calls her boyfriend Mr. X and Dominic's girlfriend calls him Mr. XXL. Dominic said that AJ has gotten funny all of a sudden.
Howard went to the zoo with his youngest daughter on Saturday. He said she stuck her hand in a petting zoo and let a cow lick it. She then asked for some potato chips and ended up eating them with the same hand.
Howard took out his now 18 year old daughter to a play on Saturday night. Howard said they saw ''The Play About The Baby''. He also said that his daughter said that she's now her own legal guardian and she can do whatever she wants to. Howard told her that was fine and she can pay her own bills now. She changed her tune pretty quick after he told her that.
Howard said he went to some bar called Cream and he called Doug Goodstein and had him bring his monthly party over to the place. Stuttering John said he was at Doug's party and there was only about 8 people there. John said they have to drink out of plastic cups at the party and they're not allowed to smoke in the apartment. They have to go up to the roof to smoke. He said they all go up to the roof and Doug told them all to be quiet in the halls of the apartment building. Ronnie the Limo Driver just starts yelling when he hears that.
Stuttering John said he went to Hogs and Heifers after Cream and had a beer guzzling contest against Jumbo Elliott from the NY Jets. He lost.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about Mayor Giuliani and how his wife is trying to stay in Gracie Mansion even though the two of them have separated. Giuliani is trying to get her out of the mansion because he's the Mayor and she's not his wife. She's trying to stay there and she wants their kid to be kept from Rudy's girlfriend.
People at Howard's station are upset with Gary because he set a party for the Memorial Day weekend. Stuttering John is the one who mentioned it to Howard but Gary just told John not to come if he doesn't like the date the party is on. The two of them went at each other for a couple of minutes.
Howard quickly mentioned that there's a thing on DallasNews.com where they can calculate a salary right down to the hourly rate of what Alex Rodriguez makes. He read through the calculations and said that A. Rod makes $2.1 million a month, $69,000 a day and $2867 an hour.
Howard said that KC has shaved his facial hair off and he looks like a little boy now. KC said he got an acting part on the soap opera ''Guiding Light'' and he had to shave it off. He's also tried to get into modeling a little bit but he doesn't think he's the model type.
Chaya and Bobby danced at the prom. Bobby sat in his wheelchair and Chaya held his hand as she danced. Since there was no sex Gary came in and asked if Bobby can pleasure himself. Howard said that question wasn't appropriate but Gary said he's 18. Bobby said he is able to do that though.
Howard said that there was a dwarf at the prom but he was from another radio show. Howard said that every show is trying to do what he does and it really pisses him off. He said he tries not to let it bug him but it really does. He played a quick clip of the E! crew interviewing the guy and apparently he was dressed like a pimp like Beetlejuice has done on the show before.
Something odd happened while Chaya was in. A guy by the name of Henry called in and started asking her when she became so nice. She quickly figured out that it was her sister's soon-to-be-ex-husband who was annoying her. She said that he treated her sister like crap for 5 months while they were married and her sister finally left. She said the guy is a real jerk and she didn't even want him on the phone. He was saying that Chaya is a nut-job and he doesn't know when she decided to become a nice person. She told him to shut up and just leave her alone. Howard hung up on the guy after a couple of minutes. According to AJ Benza, Chaya's sister Julie is really hot. She called in a few minutes later and Howard said they have to try and get her in so he can check her out. He wondered why she didn't get a Jewish name like Chaya did. AJ said Julie is probably spelled ''Jewlie''.
The girls told Howard that they're not strippers, they work for a web site called GirlsHouseOnline.com doing masturbation shows. Howard started thinking that they're not really sisters but he said they did some checking and they really are sisters.
While they were telling their stories they were dressed in bikini tops. Howard wondered where the thong bottoms were because they were wearing pants. Howard had them take off their pants so he could check out the thongs. Howard said they both had nice asses and fake boobs. They said they got their implants at the same time.
AJ Benza described one of the girls as looking like Catherine Zeta-Jones and Howard said the other one looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt. At one point Howard had the two of them making out with each other. They were putting hands on breasts and kissing and it was driving listeners nuts. A few phone callers said they had to ''run off a batch'' while driving in traffic. One guy said he was actually happy to be stuck in traffic this morning. Howard was awestruck by the two of them. He kept saying ''Wow!'' each time they'd kiss or touch each other. One of the girls said she likes to be spanked. Howard had her get over her sister's lap to get spanked. Howard said he was touching himself under the console the whole time. Some of the guys wondered what the girls will do to top all of this stuff. They said they have a 17 year old sister they're planning on introducing to all of this when she turns 18 this summer. They said they'd bring her on the show after her 18th birthday in August.
The girls said that it's hard to get them in bed when they date but they said they'd go out with someone who called in this morning. A short time later a guy called in and Howard offered him the date. He'll get to hang out with them and possibly get to go back to their hotel to watch the two of them get it on.
Howard had them talk a little more about the first time they had sex before he ended the segment. One of the girls told Howard how they were out getting drunk one night and they lost the keys to their car. They had to be towed home and while they were on the way home they were talking about sex. When they got home the one sister came on to the other and it went from there.
The segment was so interesting and sexy that Howard said they're going to put it on this Saturday's syndicated TV show. It'll air on E! sometime in the next couple of weeks. Howard also said they have a TV show on Long Island cable. Howard said it's on the T&A show on channel 70 at 12:30am.
For the next 15 minutes about 5 community college students asked Howard dopey questions about how he'll make it in the market and stuff like that. There was only one legitimate interview through the whole thing. One of the interviewers told Howard that one of his imitators was interviewed and he said that Howard is old, he's lost his wife, his ratings and now he's losing his dignity. Howard doesn't understand why people call him old because they're doing the same show as he is. He said he'd understand the ''old'' thing if these guys were doing something young and new but they're not.
The guy John from KING 5 TV got one last question in. He told Howard that the people of Seattle are very politically correct and Howard has already offended them by saying he can't tell the difference between Chinese, Japanese and Koreans who make up a big part of the city of Seattle. Howard said he really can't tell the difference and John can't either. John says he can so Howard challenged him to put his money where his mouth is. He invited him down to his show and said he will bring in a bunch of Asians for him to try and identify. John said he'd be glad to do that. At least one good thing came out of this bore-fest.
Howard spent a couple of seconds talking about how Dr. Laura Schlessinger was taken off of middays in New York and put on overnights at like 3am or so. Howard said he hates ''that bitch'' and he hates that she used him to get her own syndicated TV show by using his name.
Comedian Craig Gass was sitting in this morning. Howard reminded us that Craig does the voices of ''Al Pacino's Baby'' and Sam Kinison as well as many others. Howard said he got another e-mail from Craig recently and it looked like it might be interesting. Craig told Howard that he was having too many good things happen to him since he started doing the show so he wanted to level out the good with the bad by telling some of his secrets. Howard said he started reading the stories and he just didn't care. He told us that Craig was covered in vomit the first time Gary called him to be on the show... Howard didn't care. Howard said Craig saw blood coming from his ass one time so he thought he might have cancer. He only had hemorrhoids... Howard didn't care. Craig was addicted to drugs like so many people have been in their lives... Howard didn't care. Howard told Craig that those stories are nothing and he needs to have something like Crazy Cabbie's admission that he was gay or something like that. Craig said that he's got some good stuff that he'll reveal sometime. Howard joked that Craig is going to admit that he's picked his nose or something like that.
Crazy Cabbie called in to complain about how some Puerto Ricans were booing the National Anthem at the Trinidad/Joffee fight over the weekend. Cabbie talked about how these people come to this country and take advantage of all of the great things in this country and then they go and boo it. A caller said that the people were just booing at the singer but Cabbie said you don't boo that song no matter who's singing it.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said the people booing at the fight were actually booing Crazy Cabbie... a joke that didn't go anywhere. Melrose also had tape of Leann Rimes singing some dopey song at the Country Music Awards about her father and how he's taken her money. Howard said he can't blame her for being upset because she doesn't have all the money she's making from her fame.
A Canadian called in and said that they're getting ''Son of the Beach'' up there finally. He said it'll be on their version of HBO which is called The Movie Network starting on Friday, May 18th. Howard said he didn't even realize that was happening.
Craig Gass has another impression for us. He does a Gene Simmons impression that's pretty funny. He told Howard how he heard Gene talking about his band KISS and why people like them. What Gene said made no sense at all and Craig's impression made it funny. He did the impression throughout the rest of the show.
After the Gary Garver stuff Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this woman he knew back when he started out in radio at WRNW. He said that he knew this saleswoman Debbie who was really hot back then. He said that yesterday he got some flowers from Debbie and a note saying that they've run across each other's paths once again. She's the Senior Vice President of the company that owns the station in Seattle where he just started broadcasting on yesterday. Howard said that he wants to get her on the show to find out if she's still as hot as she was back when they first met each other.
Howard also played a funny comedy bit by this guy Bernie Mack that he's played before. Howard said Bernie is going to do the show sometime soon so he gave us a little taste of his comedy.
Robin still doesn't believe that the girls were actually sisters. Howard told her to stop saying that because it puts doubt into the audience's mind. She said she just can't believe it's true. Howard eventually said he's going to have them back in to get DNA tests done. Howard said they checked them out pretty thoroughly and they really were sisters but they'll go even farther if Robin refuses to believe. You can check out the girls yourself at GirlsHouseOnline.com
One of the interns on the show said she thought it was a good idea for public bathroom use. She said she'd even be willing to try it out. We'll probably hear more about that after she tries it out. Visit Shenis.com to check out the bizarre contraption.
Each time a semester is up for the interns on the show Howard holds a beauty pageant. If any of the girls are interested they can compete for some prizes. This year's contestants included:
The judges scores were as follows: Tim: 8 | Ronnie: 7 | Gary the Retard: 10 | Beetlejuice: 4, 6, 12 (Howard tried to help him decide)
The judges scores were as follows: Tim: 9 | Ronnie: 5 | Gary the Retard: 10 | Beetlejuice: 10
The judges scores were as follows: Tim: 9 | Ronnie: 9 | Gary the Retard: 10 | Beetlejuice: 12
Howard wrapped up the competition and plugged some of the stuff Beetlejuice needed to plug. You can find out more about him at JollyDwarf.com and PicklePilot.com. Gary the retard's porno directorial debut will be out in a couple of months.
Howard said there was a funny story in the paper about David Letterman. Letterman made a joke the other day about how the Miss Universe contestants have some amazing talents. He said that Miss Colombia was able to swallow 50 balloons of heroin. The Colombian contestant said she was very outraged at this joke and she doesn't know why Colombians are stereotyped like that. Letterman and CBS made an apology. Howard said he hates when these guys make apologies about their jokes. He said there's nothing to apologize for, it was just a joke. Now Miss Colombia is scheduled to appear on Letterman's show. She's so upset that now she's going to appear on his show.
Howard got a call from a guy who was wondering why Don and Mike down in Washington D.C. are ragging on him. Howard said he doesn't really care because their ratings suck. He said he doesn't care to hear about what his imitators are doing because it just pisses him off. He said he's even more pissed when he hears about his clones ragging on him when they work for the same company. He said he's asked his boss Mel Karmazin why the clones that he hires have to rag on him. He wonders what he's ever done to them. He says he's given them a genre of radio to work in so they should be thankful. He also went off on this guy T-Man in Seattle for a few seconds. He said that the thing to do these days is just say you've never even heard of Howard Stern and just rip off his show.
Howard said the worst thing was that his own company hired Imus. He spent a few seconds ragging on that whole mess. Comedian Craig Gass was sitting in this morning so he did his Gene Simmons impression and ''Gene'' went off on how ugly singers have ripped off KISS with the whole makeup thing.
Howard had tape of this guy who called a woman and told her that he had kidnapped her daughter. He tried to convince the woman he had her daughter and the only way she could get her back okay was to describe herself to him so he could pleasure himself to her image. Robin had talked about this story in the news yesterday and she got tape of it to play today. Howard played the tape and thought it was pretty intense. He said it makes guys look really bad. It just shows how perverted some guys can be. Robin said they put this tape out to see if anyone could identify the guys voice. She said it sounds kind of like Howard's father!
Jill the intern came in and told Howard that the Shenis wasn't very convenient to use. She also asked if guys have a problem with water splattering back at them when they pee standing up. She said that the Shenis isn't bendable so you can't really aim it very well. She said it fit well as it cupped over her private parts. Howard gave her the Urimate and told her to try that out and let them know how it works out.
Howard had quotes from people and the guy had to guess who actually said it. Today he had 3 quotes that could have been from either Courtney Love or Beetlejuice. The guy had to get 2 of the 3 correct. Here are the quotes:
After the game Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to ''Gene Simmons'' (Craig) about how KISS have invented just about everything.
Howard also read a story about how the son of the woman who wrote the movie ''The Birds'' was attacked by birds himself. The article said that the guy had seagulls nesting in his garden and whenever he'd walk near them they'd attack him. He had to hire an exterminator to get rid of them. Even the exterminator was attacked by the gulls. According to the article seagulls from a half mile around swarmed the exterminator to protect the mother of the nest.
Howard had Troy take off his shirt so he could check out the work. Howard said he looked much better but he really should have the skin tightened. Troy said he's going to start working out so he can get rid of the flab. Howard and Dr. Calabro agree that it'll be hard to get rid of the hanging skin by just working out though.
Troy said that he really was treated well by Dr. Calabro and his staff.
Troy brought up circumcision and how Howard is always complaining about parents doing that to their sons. Troy says that they should stop making such a big deal about it and just deal with it. Howard argued with him about that for a couple of minutes and tried to convince Troy that no one should have part of them cut off unless they want it to be cut off.
Troy brought his friend Laura with him. He said she was really cute so Howard agreed to check her out. Laura came in and said she's going to be an actress. She just graduated from NYU last week and she doesn't have a job yet. Howard started talking to her about NYU and Troy said he also went there. He told Howard he got a total of 740 on his SATs. Howard found it hard to believe that he got into NYU with that low of a score. Troy said he was going in to the school for Drama so his scholastic grades didn't matter that much. Laura also went for acting but she got a 1340 on her SATs.
Howard had Troy demonstrate his acting abilities but Troy was very hesitant to do much of anything. He had a hard time coming up with a scene to act out. When he finally did it, he was playing a part in ''The Color Purple'' that Oprah Winfrey played. Howard said he'll never get a job doing that kind of crap. Howard then had both Laura and Troy act together and that didn't go over so well either. Howard said that Laura is really cute and she'd look good on a show like ''Felicity''.
Gary offered Laura $3000 to take her top off but she refused. Howard told her if she did it he'd send her over to the guy that produces ''Felicity''. She still refused so Howard gave up on it.
Troy is really in love with Howard. He was talking about how hot Howard looked on the cover of his book ''Private Parts''. Howard said that was actually his body back then too. Some people find that hard to believe though. The movie posters were a different story. Howard's body wasn't used in those. Craig Gass (in his own voice for a change) told Howard he had a story about those posters. He started to talk about seeing a ''Private Parts'' movie poster that had been out in the sun. The body had been faded away by the sun but his head was still bright. Howard said he sure doesn't know how to tell a story. He then asked ''Gene Simmons'' to tell the story. ''Gene'' said that he doesn't know why Howard keeps this guy Craig around. Craig gave up on the story. Howard wrapped up the whole thing shortly after that.
After taking a break Howard said that Troy was hitting on him during the break.
Howard told Megan that he'd date her but she's too young for him. He thinks that society would laugh at their relationship. Robin asked him why he wouldn't just ''weather the storm'' like Woody Allen did. Howard just doesn't want to do that. Howard said he read a report recently that says people his age think that they're 15 years younger than they are and that they're deluded. Howard said they're right because he's watching ''Buffy'' and ''Dawson's Creek'' every week and he's 47 years old.
Megan asked Howard if she could come over and touch his tattoo. He said she could and she even wanted him to touch hers. Her tattoo is down on her tail bone. They exchanged touches and Howard said he liked the tattoo.
Howard continued to talk himself out of dating this chick because he's got an 18 year old daughter. That didn't stop him from asking Megan to get naked for him. She said she would but Howard had her get in a bikini instead. While she was changing in the bathroom KC said he didn't dig her short hair. Howard said it was fine with him because he can look beyond that. Megan came out a short time later and said she's growing her hair out now. Howard said she had a really hot body. Gary said she needed a tiny bit of work on her hips but other than that she was fine. He said she was a little pigeon-toed too but Howard thought he was nuts.
Megan asked Howard to just get to know her by maybe jogging with her or taking her to Scores. Howard agreed to take her to Scores sometime. Gary wondered what Howard would talk to this girl about. Howard said he could talk to her for years. He's able to converse with the Scores dancers, he could certainly talk to this girl.
Megan told Howard she dated a 36 year old guy when she was only 18. She also revealed that she's been on her own since she was 14. She now works as a waitress to pay her way through college. Howard said he admires that.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked if he could date this chick. Howard had to remind him that he's fat, ugly, gay and he had an annoying high pitched voice. Erik kept denying that he's gay. He couldn't deny all of the other stuff though.
Someone pointed out that Megan's breasts were lopsided. Howard didn't see it but everyone else did. Megan said they are lopsided and it's really annoying. Howard told her to just leave them alone. A short time later Dr. Calabro called in. Calabro told Howard they had a woman on the show before that they fixed the same problem on. He offered to help Megan out too. Howard asked her if she wanted to get them fixed and she said yes. Gary thought it was cool that she didn't come in begging for breast implants. Howard told Megan not to get them any bigger, just get the smaller one fixed. She said that's all she wants anyway. If all goes good, we'll be seeing before and after pictures at SalCalabro.com
Howard said he went to a CBS event where they announce new TV shows for next season and he was just inches away from Ellen Degeneres. He held on to the story for a few minutes to take a break.
Howard said that Melrose Larry Green was on the phone with tape of OJ Simpson talking about the Robert Blake case. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how OJ has balls talking about any murder case. After that Howard had Melrose play tape of Robert Blake's son talking about how his father is innocent and he's never even hit anyone. Melrose also started to play another tape for Howard but Howard bailed out on it and hung up on Melrose. Howard then spent a few minutes discussing the whole case. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with the whole case but he loves it.
Howard said he went out to eat with his kids on Monday. He said they had Italian food and when he got to his car he had a lot of gas. He said it's probably because he eats so fast. He's always eaten fast as the rest of his family always did. He said he eats like a wolf. Face buried in the plate just scarfing down his food.
Howard tried to get out to Long Island to visit his kids yesterday but he got stuck in traffic. Ronnie the Limo Driver said that there was a double murder on the highway they take and it screwed up everything. Ronnie also complained about the construction that's been going on. Governor Pataki supposedly made it a law to only do road construction at night but they do it at all hours of the day now. Ronnie said that the day will come when no one will be able to move in their cars because there are so many people in New York. Everyone in the studio complained about the traffic situation in the city. Howard suggested that they stop letting people into the city.
Howard got back to his gas problems. He said he was stuck in that car yesterday and he farted so bad that the driver of his limo had to open his windows to let it air out. Howard said he felt really bad for the guy.
Howard came back later that evening and went to the CBS ''Upfront'' event where they announce new TV shows. Howard said he wasn't invited but he went anyway. He went there to kiss Mel Karmazin's ass to show that he's a team player. Howard said he wandered around looking for Mel and his agent Don and he couldn't find either one. Gary was there but he didn't see Howard there either. He did have a bunch of people come up to him and say that Howard was there and he didn't look happy.
Howard said that people would come up to him and say stuff and he couldn't understand what they said. There was music playing and people were talking so it was hard to hear. One woman said hello to him and he didn't hear what she said. It turned out to be Marcia Gay Harden. Howard said she might have been pissed that he didn't know who she was but he couldn't help it. He also ran into a lot of the ''Survivor 2'' cast. He said the sweetest one is Alicia. A few others surprised him by being nice to him. He said he met Rodger and he talked to him for a minute and he was really nice. Rodger had previously turned down the chance to appear on Howard's show so he though he'd hate him. Then Kimmi, who did the show, walked right by Howard with an attitude. Elisabeth also had an attitude like Howard had done something to her. She'd refused to do his show too even though Howard had nothing bad to say about her.
Howard said he's pissed that people are actually treating these people like they're stars. Their 15 minutes of fame are up but people are still fascinated by them for some reason.
Howard asked John if he's ever gotten laid. He hasn't and he answered the question saying that ''No one has ever come over to my house and uh, had sex with me.'' It took about 30 seconds for him to say that sentence.
Robin asked John what he does during the day. Howard said he thinks of his next sentence. Artie Lange said he orders a pizza. Slow John said that he works in a furniture factory stripping furniture to keep busy all day.
Howard read a bunch of the stuff on John's list and most of the stuff he's asking for is meeting WWF stars. Howard said he could probably hook him up with something like that no problem. He also asked for $99 Million and a lot of tie-dyed shirts. He also wants to meet Uncle Kracker. Howard told Slow John that he'll keep him in mind when they have any WWF stars on the show in the future.
Someone asked John where he's from and he eventually said he's from Ohio. Artie joked that everyone from Ohio speaks like that so maybe he doesn't have a speech problem. Artie also said that John sounds like the guy in the Bugs Bunny cartoon when the ether got spilled and he spoke really slow. Howard didn't get that reference.
Slow John told Howard that he's 5'8'' tall and he's about 100 pounds overweight. Howard had him hand the phone to the camera guy who was shooting Slow John. He asked the guy what John really looked like but he went easy on him since he was standing there in the same room. He did say that he's 50-60 pounds overweight.
Howard kept trying to end the phone call but Slow John would keep asking him about Hulk Hogan and the WWF stuff. Howard eventually had to just hang up on the guy to get rid of him.
Howard quickly played a tape of a guy who does an impression of Billy Crystal getting pissed at Stuttering John years ago in an interview. The guy sounds just like Crystal but the audio Howard had was from Vinnie Favale from CBS. He sent it over as an MP3 file and it sounded like crap to Howard. He ended up telling Vinnie to just send him an audio tape when he sends something like that. Vinnie said he recorded it at a low sample rate so he could send it via e-mail. Howard said the stuff always sounds like crap, it wasn't just this one.
A woman called in and told Howard he doesn't know the politics of Breast Cancer in this country. She warned him that she had a lot to talk to him about and the audience might not be interested... what a way to start off a phone call. She then started rambling on and on about breast cancer in the Long Island area and how 1 in 8 women get it. Howard kept trying to get her to get to the point of her call but it was tough. Gary eventually came in and told her to just give out a phone number or address. She then gave the address to something called the Institute for Sensible Medicine which sounded suspect to Howard. He was just happy to get her off the phone. She wanted him to go to dinner with her so they could talk about all of this stuff. Howard said he wants to get rid of breast cancer too but he's not willing to listen to this woman's ramblings.
Since Howard was on the subject of the ''Our Gang'' he played an interview with Spanky McFarland that an intern had done years ago. He got through about 3 questions and the quality of the tape went down hill. Howard said that the old tapes they have go bad after a while and it ruins their archives. He explained how 3M made audio tape years ago that corrodes and ruins it. They have to bake the tapes in small ovens to get the quality back temporarily. Gary said they haven't gotten around to archives yet because they're still working on ''Best Of'' stuff. They can only bake like 5 tapes a day because it takes so long to do. Howard said he wanted to warn people about this tape years ago but he wasn't allowed to mention it. Now 3M is out of the recordable media business so he can complain all he wants. Meanwhile, all of his old, archived shows are being ruined by this defective recording tape. Gary said that even after they bake the tapes they go right back to corroding within 5 or 10 years. They don't have enough man-power to transfer it all to new media... or even to bake it all back to a usable form.
Howard complained that the MTV ''Real World'' camera crews have been taking up the halls at the station for a few days. He said the cast of the show have been there trying to get the station to play a song for them. That must be one of their challenges on the show and it's just pissing Howard off. He had to have them stop taping one day because he didn't want to be on ''The Real World''.
Vinnie Favale called back in and said that he went to Scores with Amber from ''Survivor'' last night after the big CBS event. He said she's really hot and she was getting dances from the strippers. He was also kissing the ass of every CBS star that Howard and Robin mentioned.
Kay came in and spoke to Howard for a few minutes about all of that stuff and how she had to coach Rachael Leigh Cook at ''band camp'' for the movie. The girls were almost pretending that they performed the songs in the movie when it was actually Kay and her band.
Howard also heard that Kay had a run-in with Violent J from Insane Clown Posse. Kay didn't give many details but she said they've worked everything out. Howard heard she had to get a restraining order to keep him away but she said it never went that far.
Kimmi from ''Survivor 2'' called in as Howard was going to take a break. Earlier in the show Howard had said that Kimmi blew him off at the big CBS event last night. Kimmi said that she didn't do it on purpose. She said that she was being herded around like an animal and she didn't have time to stop and talk to him. Howard said it must have just been a misunderstanding then. He said it really looks bad for him to be dissed by a ''Survivor'' contestant.
After taking a break Howard came back and had Kay and her husband Michael Eisenstein perform Howard's favorite songs. She first performed ''I Want You To Want Me'' with Michael playing guitar. Howard loved it of course. Kay then performed the ''Josie and the Pussycats'' theme song and did another fine job.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Kay about doing the band camp thing with Rachael Leigh Cook. She had Howard going for a minute about seeing all of the ''Josie'' girls naked in the shower together. Then she broke the news that she was lying. Artie told her not to do that to them. Howard wrapped things up shortly after that and said that you can see Kay performing at the Mercury Lounge tonight in New York City. She's got a solo album coming out in the fall that may be titled ''Cherry Marmalade''. You can find out more about Kay at KayHanley.com
Artie Lange was sitting in once again this morning. Howard said that everyone loves Artie... except for the ''Norm'' show which is no longer on the air.
Howard mentioned a few things that will be on the Saturday night syndicated show including Hank vs. Gary in Rock and Roll trivia, ''Butt Cheeks Fever'' animation, the lesbian sisters and Ronnie and Scott the Engineer go to NASCAR racing school.
Late in the show yesterday Howard and the crew were talking about cover bands and this one guy who does a funny Bruce Springsteen impression. They all goofed on the cover bands and how strange it is that they pretend that they're actually the artists that they're covering. Today they picked up the conversation from where they left off. Artie Lange said he's seen quite a few of these bands. He keeps bringing up this Bruce Springsteen impression. The fact that the real artists talk like they're from the south when they're actually from New Jersey was also discussed. Howard said Jon Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen both talk with southern accents for some reason. Howard also points out how Jon Bon Jovi always makes it sound like he couldn't get out of Sayerville, New Jersey because it's out in the middle of nowhere when, in fact, it's only about a half hour from New York City.
Howard played tape of Bruce Springsteen doing a rap about something where he just rambles on and on about his father and other nonsense. Artie knew quite a bit of the rap and goofed on it while it was playing. Artie said he actually goes to concerts like this and cries when he hears the raps that Bruce does.
Melrose Larry Green called in with a bunch of tapes to play for Howard. Howard somehow got on the subject of the season finale of ''Friends''. Howard thought it was pretty good but Robin thinks it was dragged out too long. Howard agreed there but said it was still pretty good. Howard played tape of Kathleen Turner, who plays Chandler Bing's father on the show, and goofed on her weird speech affect for a couple of minutes. Howard also said that Morgan Fairchild who was also on ''Friends'' looks great for her age. He said he'd bang her in a second.
Howard played tape of OJ Simpson talking to ''Entertainment Tonight'' about the Robert Blake story that's been in the news lately. Howard thinks that OJ should just keep his mouth shut about everything and just stay home. Howard thinks that Robert Blake should hire OJ as an attorney. He's the perfect guy for the job the way he puts a spin on everything.
Melrose said he had tape of Kathie Lee Gifford for Howard too but he was unable to find it on his VCR. Gary told Larry that he'd send him a TiVo so he could cue up to shows easier in the future.
After taking a break Howard came back and spent a couple of minutes talking about Shannon Doherty and how much of a bitch she must be to work with. She's leaving the show ''Charmed'' because she apparently can't get along with people on the set.
I retarded listener called in and asked Howard how he could get an MP3 of the Bruce Springsteen bit that they'd just done earlier in the show. The dopey caller was talking about how easy it is to get stuff from the show on Napster.com and other Howard Stern fan sites. That got Howard thinking and now he wants to stop Napster from letting his stuff be traded. That eventually led to Howard talking about the ''fan sites'' for him and how they all just want to ''insert themselves'' into his life. He thinks that we just need some content for our sites and we chose him. Whatever dude. (This fan wasn't looking for content. I just did it because fans wanted to know what was happening on the show while they're at work.) Howard thinks we're not really fans because we use his name. Vinnie Favale came in and added to the fuel by telling Howard that you can download even more stuff from the show from newsgroups. The caller needs to be smacked around a bit because you don't need to mention crap like that on the air. That's like telling Howard that one of his affiliates is broadcasting the show on the web illegally. It won't last if you do crap like that.
Howard was under the impression that the girls don't appear nude in this lingerie magazine but he was wrong. Jea said that she appears fully nude in the magazine. Jea said she works in an advertising firm as her real job when she's not modeling. Susan said she has a 5 year old son and she's opening a lingerie store out on Long Island in the near future. Quinn is on the cover of the latest issue of the lingerie magazine.
Howard wondered if these girls get laid regularly. Jea said her boyfriend, who's in Static X, is on tour so she doesn't get it much right now. Susan said she doesn't get any, she doesn't have a boyfriend right now, just her son.
Howard also found out that Quinn is going to a software institute to learn software development. Jea went to Julliard and Boston Conservatory for music. All three were pretty smart and Howard knew it might ruin the game. He asked them about 10 questions and he was right. They knew most of the answers no problem. Here they are:
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the girls about their sex lives and stuff like that. He also took a couple of phone calls from horny guys who wanted their panties. One guy wanted one of them to rub their sock on their ''veal'' and send it to him. He also wanted them to talk dirty to him so he could have some phone sex. The girls said that after they wear their lingerie they auction it off to guys who want it. They said you can find out about all of this stuff at Playboy.com.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked if any of the girls had a web site. Jea was the only one who gave out a personal web site for herself. You can check that out at JeaScott.com. Erik also asked for a date but the girls had just seen a picture of him with the word penis written across his forehead so they weren't interested. Howard goofed on Erik for a couple of minutes before bringing the segment to an end.
Howard noticed Leah's nice breasts but she says they're not that great. She said they're not perky and she has to wear a bra to keep people thinking they're perfect.
Howard tried to get Leah to talk about people in show business that she's met and doesn't like. She didn't mention anyone other than Steven Seagal. She said she saw him once and he had such an attitude that it pissed her off.
Howard told Leah that she has such an angelic face he can't believe the voice that comes out of her. He called it a ''Fran Drescher'' voice. He asked her if she'd be willing to change it for an acting part. She said she won't change for anyone and she won't kiss anyone's ass for a job. Some guy called in claiming he worked with Leah on ''Saved by the Bell'' in 1992 and she was a big bitch back then. She yelled at him and said if you ask anyone she's not a bitch to work with.
Mike Walker was on the phone ready to play his game but there was a lot of discussion first. Leah said she was in Mike's column one time because she called a coffee store worker a mother f'er because he was taking too long to get her coffee. They talked a bit about that and a bunch of other stuff before getting to the game. Here's how the game goes:Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can play along at NationalEnquirer.com. Here are this week's stories:
During the whole game Leah kept saying that all of the stories are untrue in some way. She said Mike puts some truth in them but they're not completely true. Mike argued with her and eventually had to read the story about Leah to her. She said that story wasn't completely true and the two of them went at each other for a few minutes. Meanwhile, it was as true as it could be.
Howard talked to Leah for a few minutes about Scientology which she's taking part in. Howard told her he thinks that most religions are wacky but Scientology is the wackiest because L. Ron Hubbard decided to go from writing science fiction to making a religion. They goofed around about that for a few minutes before Howard wrapped everything up. Leah was surprised that her time was up so Howard asked her to stick around but she disappeared during the commercial break.
Howard and Artie then started goofing around talking about how there could be an ''Artie Lange'' story movie. They did their best announcer voice and said things like ''..and Kathleen Turner as Artie's Father..'' and ''..Leah Remini as the long shoreman who told Artie 'You're gay'...'' Fred had sad piano music playing in the background the whole time they were goofing around with that.