In the article Howard read it said that Joey's family played a U2 song for him while he was lying in bed dying. By the end of the song, Joey was gone. Howard got the U2 CD and played the song ''In a Little While'' and said he was getting the chills listening to it. He doesn't get U2 but just knowing the song is the one Joey died after hearing must have freaked him out.
Howard says that he thinks that the right person to do Joey's eulogy would be Meg Griffin. Howard used to work with Meg and she used to hang out with The Ramone's all the time years ago. Howard said she'd play their songs all the time. So much that Howard wanted to tell her to stop it already.
Howard said that Meg sent him a CD that he might like and he actually did. It was a song called ''Sex Change'' which was actually about a sex change. Howard played a quick clip of it and moved on shortly after that.
Howard told Robin that they have a guest coming in later this week and it's someone that he's always wanted to meet. When he revealed it was Paul Hogan of the ''Crocodile Dundee'' movies, Robin just sighed. Howard said that every time one of those ''Crocodile Dundee'' movies is on, he watches the whole thing. Hogan is coming in to promote number 3 in the series and Howard's hoping he doesn't screw it up.
Sitting in this morning in Jackie's place was comedian Greg Fitzsimmons. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his father who was in radio. Greg said that he tuned in to Best Of Stern last week and Howard spent about 2 minutes goofing on his father. His father has since died but Howard wanted to know what it was like having a parent on the radio. Greg told him what that was like and Howard moved on to other stuff.
Howard said he went to a Caribbean island called Nieves with his 14 year old daughter. He said he felt kind of weird doing that with her but it turned out okay. He said the island was a little more crowded than he thought it would be. There was a bankers convention going on so Howard had to blow quite a few of them off the first day he was there. The weather was crappy too so it wasn't all that great. The next day the convention cleared out and Howard was a little happier.
Howard said the worst part of the trip is going from the airport to the hotel when you have to drive through the little towns. He also said that a lot of the people in the airport down there knew who he was. He didn't realize that they get satellite TV down there.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how poorly ''Josie and the Pusscats'' did in the movies over the weekend. Howard didn't think it would flop as bad as it did but he's happy that Tara Reid won't be a big star. He said that he got stuck in a limo with her one night and she may be the most annoying person he knows. Robin had a couple of tapes of Tara talking about her part and how the ''dumb blond'' she plays, it's really her. Howard knows better though.
Doug and his band will be playing at Mulchahy's Sports bar in Wantage, NY this Thursday. You can call (516) 763-4787 to get tickets. Howard said that Doug was a man for coming in and actually competing against The Losers in a Battle of the Bands recently. He said that Lou Diamond Phillips refuses to come in with his band so he's a pussy.
Howard asked Tom about how he managed to get Drew Barrymore and Tom said he wasn't even sure. He said when he moved to Los Angeles to do his MTV show, Drew called him and wanted him to do ''Charlie's Angels''. They met there and soon started dating. Tom said that he had testicular cancer when he met Drew so it was kind of strange to be dating while going through that whole thing. He spent a short time talking about the cancer thing with Howard.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that ''Jackass'' is a rip off of his show. Tom said he thinks it's a different type of show aimed at the skateboarder viewing audience. He doesn't think it's a rip off at all.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Tom and one guy asked him if he's ever smoked pot with Drew. Tom said he hasn't and he never really got into that drug thing. He thinks it's because he grew up in the 80's when ''Just Say No'' was a big thing.
Howard wondered how many chicks Tom got to bang while he was famous. Tom didn't really say how many he had. He said that he always had a steady girlfriend through his dating life so he didn't get a lot of different chicks.
Howard asked Tom if Drew's lifestyle bowled him over because it must be crazy. Tom said she's actually pretty normal. Robin said she can't be normal, she was in rehab at the age of 13! Tom moved into Drew's house after about a year of dating and it burned down a short time after that. They're now living in a rental home.
Howard asked Tom if Drew ever has her hot-chick-friends over to swim in their pool. Tom said she never really does that. It's usually just Tom's guy friends who hang out. Howard told Tom to invite him over if they ever have a big party so he can check out the hot chicks.
Tom talked a little more about his testicular cancer. He said that he only had to wait about a week before he could have sex after having his right nut removed. The pain was just a throbbing sensation down there after it was removed.
Tom directed, wrote and stars in the movie ''Freddy Got Fingered''. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that before wrapping up the interview so Tom could go do more shows.
Howard said she still looks really thin but Amber told him that she really gained a lot of weight when she got back from Australia. She said she ate everything she could when she got home.
Howard wondered if she had any kind of strategy for the game because it didn't seem that way. She said she was hoping to just be the friendly one that everyone could talk to. She said that she wasn't the one who went after Jerri to be her friend. She basically said that Jerri was the one who came after her.
Howard seems to think that this season of Survivor has people who don't really care about the money, they care more about the fame. Amber said that she would like to get into show business after all of this. She hasn't had the chance yet because she was just voted off the show last week. Howard said he'd put her in ''Son of the Beach'' in a bikini no problem. He asked her if she's going to do a Playboy spread if they ask her. She says she'll think about it. She's thinking that it might ruin her reputation. Howard asked her ''What reputation?'' She hasn't done anything yet so she doesn't really have one. Howard asked her if she's got nice boobs. Amber says she thinks they are. Howard thinks that they're probably perky. She said they are and they're a B-cup. She doesn't have any plans for implants.
For those who were wondering, Amber says she had two bowel movements while she was playing the game. She used leaves to wipe with.
Howard told Amber that he'd like to bring her to Scores and turn her into a stripper. He also told her that if she and Elisabeth did a girl on girl spread for Playboy they'd probably get paid a million bucks each. Amber doesn't think Elisabeth would do it though.
Howard let a few phone callers talk to Amber. A couple of them told her she blew it when she became friends with Jerri. Amber keeps saying that she didn't go after Jerri, Jerri came after her. She also said there's a lot of stuff they don't show you on TV that actually happened there.
Howard had Amber's boyfriend Dereck come in so he could see what she's dating. Robin said that he was almost a girl because he was so pretty. Howard spent a short time talking to them about their relationship. He told Dereck that once Amber gets really famous she'll probably leave him.
Gary came in and did his usual thing where he offers the guest from $3,000 to $10,000 to take off their top. Amber refused and said that what's under her shirt is worth a lot more than $10,000.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked Howard if he could hang out with Amber for his 30th birthday. Howard told Erik that no one wants to hang with him. He then hung up on him... Happy birthday Eric!
Howard and Robin went through the final list of people in Survivor and they both seem to think that Colby and Tina will be the final two in the game. Howard thinks they'll vote for Tina because there's no way she'll get a man with that leathery skin she's got at the age of 40. It turns out she's already married though. There goes that theory.
Howard said they almost didn't get Amber as a guest this week. Usually David Letterman's show pays for the guest to stay in the city over the weekend but they're on vacation this week. Since Howard's show doesn't have a budget, Vinnie Favale from CBS figured out a way to pay for it all. Thanks to Vinnie, we had Amber on the show.
Howard said that someone gave him the April 9 issue of ''Time'' magazine and it contained a picture of Larry King tongue kissing his hot, young wife. Howard was disgusted by the picture. He said he saw a picture of Bob Dylan and he was looking very Vincent Price-ish. He also saw a picture of Courtney Love with half of her nipple sticking out of her top once again.
Howard played a clip of a song that he and Robin had to try and guess who was singing it. It was a little harder than the band usually sounds. Howard eventually guessed it as being the Black Crowes. They're apparently scheduled guests sometime in the future.
After talking about the Black Crowes, whose lead singer married Kate Hudson, Howard started talking about Tom Green and how he married Drew Barrymore. Gary said that all Howard did was ask Tom questions about Drew for a half hour yesterday. Howard said he was never interested in Tom Green before he married Drew Barrymore. Howard said he sometimes wonders if he should be dating someone famous. Gary pointed out that the woman Howard's dating is the person dating someone famous.
Stuttering John came in and said that he heard that Tom Green's movie got really horrible reviews. It's apparently the worst comedy movie ever made according to someone. John said the same was true for the new ''Crocodile Dundee'' movie. Howard can't believe that Tom's movie could possibly be worse than an Adam Sandler movie though.
Howard saw Tom Green making an appearance at a basketball game just to be in the spotlight to promote his movie. Howard said his movie studio wanted him to do some similar stuff to promote his movie but he didn't do it. Stuttering John said his record company wanted him to date someone famous to get some publicity for his album. He never got to do that either.
Howard said that he got a message from David Spade last night. David was bragging that he beat ''Josie and the Pussycats'' with his movie ''Joe Dirt'' over the weekend. He was proud that it made the $11 million that it did while ''Josie'' only made $5 million.
Howard and the crew spent a short time talking about who they wouldn't want to follow as far as having sex with women. Howard mentioned names like Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Fred Durst. Howard said that he sure wouldn't want to follow Sam Kinison to Jessica Hahn. A little later in the show Jessica called in and said Howard shouldn't feel bad about following Sam. Howard had to explain to her that there are just some guys you don't want to follow and Sam was one of them because of what he did with her. Craig Gass' ''Sam Kinison'' went at it with Jessica a little bit. The real Sam and Jessica dated years ago. Jessica told Howard what her ''dream date'' would be with a guy. She told Howard how she would get some lotion and rub down a guy's back and then turn him over and finish him off among other things.
Chaunce Hayden from eYada.com called in and just about begged Howard to let them broadcast the fight on their site. Howard said he already talked to Jeff Schick from IBM about it and he says they're in no way prepared to handle the traffic that this would create. eYada.com would charge people to watch it but Howard knows that the site would crash so he's not going to let them take advantage of his audience. Chaunce kept claiming that they have some new technique that they're going to use to do this but Howard wanted no part of it. Chaunce tried his best to convince Howard but he wouldn't hear it.
Jeff Schick called in and explained why it can't happen. Later in the show Howard had both Chaunce and Jeff on the phone arguing with each other about the whole thing and it seems to come down to money. Chaunce claims that eYada is going to put up the money but Howard doesn't think they're going to put up enough so he's not going to let it happen. Howard eventually got fed up with Chaunce and hung up on everyone.
Howard said Deborah was looking pretty good this morning. He spent some time talking to her about her career and ex-boyfriends. Deborah said that she isn't dating anyone right now and she's gone as long as a year without sex. Howard said he doesn't think she's a very sexual woman. She pretty much verified that and said that she is a sensual woman who goes more for the relationship thing instead of a sexual thing. She told Howard about going out on a date with Jerry O'Connell and how he came on too aggressively for her. They went bowling and when they came back Jerry pretty much tried to get into her apartment and she just laughed at him. ''Sam Kinison'' just yelled at Deborah to ''Spread 'em!'' and ''You know you want to shake your love!''
Howard was thinking of skipping Win Fred's Money because Deborah said that she's not a big trivia buff. They went ahead with it anyway. Deborah said she was playing for a boys home that her father grew up in as a child. If she wins she gets $5000 for the charity.
Howard sent Fred off into Robin's sound-proof booth and asked Deborah the following questions:
Francis went on to explain how the slave owners were light skinned blacks but they referred to themselves as being white. Since Francis was darker skinned, he was called black. Francis said that his owners forced him to live in a barn with the animals because he was considered an animal himself.
Howard kept trying to find out if there was anything sexual going on. He kept asking Francis if he was forced to have sex with the owner's wife or anything like that. Francis said that never happened and he never really thought about sex. He just thought about freedom.
Howard also wondered how dark Francis' skin was so he tried to get him to compare himself to people like Bryant Gumbel, Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali and others. Francis wasn't sure exactly how to compare himself so Howard let him off the hook.
All of the goofy questions Howard was asking eventually got to Francis and he seemed to be getting upset. Howard said he was just trying to add some humor to the show but he eventually let up on him.
Francis said that there will be an anti-slavery march going on up in Boston sometime this month. You can find out more about that at Anti-Slavery.org
Joan said that it was raining and cold during the shoot and all of the hot chicks were just wearing bikinis (in other words, nipples will be erect). Howard said there's no budget for heaters so everyone was freezing during the shoot.
Howard asked Joan about her days on ''Knot's Landing''. He wondered if she still has money from those days. She said she made about $150,000 an episode but you can go through that pretty quick. Her husband used to be an NBC news guy but now he runs his own web site NewsWire.com. Howard wondered how a guy can make money with a web site. Joan said he can't, she's the one who makes the money for him.
Howard wanted to know when the funeral will be so he and Robin can go. Markee wasn't sure but he'd let them know. Markee said the other guys in the band weren't on good terms with Joey so they probably won't be going to the funeral.
Howard said that Joey was the greatest rock and roll singer ever and Markee agreed.
Howard wondered if Joey had many hot chicks in his life. Markee said that Joey kept that private but he did have a few girlfriends when he died. Howard asked if they'll be at the funeral because if they went for Joey, they'd surely go for him.
Howard said that they'll be playing the segment where Markee and Joey fought with each other on the phone tomorrow.
Howard came back from break and talked about Paul Hogan coming in later this morning. He said that he really loved those ''Crocodile Dundee'' movies and he'll probably kiss his ass a bit when he comes in. He hopes that Hogan's wife Linda Kozlowski comes in with him too. Howard said he still gets wood when he watches the scene where Linda is undressing by a river and you see her ass.
Howard said he had wood sitting there staring at Vinnie Favale too. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how he can't believe how much wood he still gets at 47. He said sometimes he has to sit in his car to wait for the wood to go down before he gets out of the car.
Howard was talking about the boxers he's been wearing lately. He said he likes the black Calvin Klein boxers because they hide skid marks and other stains. They hide stuff so well that he didn't realize that he had been wearing a pair for about a week. He figured it out when Ralph came over to wash his clothes and there weren't any underwear to wash. He said he's also lost a lot of his underwear somehow. He used to have about 20 pair, now he has 3. Stuttering John came in and said they can order them online because Howard refuses to go to a store to buy them himself. Gary came in and said that he had to toss a pair of underwear this morning because he had a lot of brown stains in them. John and Howard yelled out for Gary's wife Mary to pull those things out of the trash for them. Gary says he has some kind of butt rash going on and he's been itching a bit.
Howard, John and Gary were also talking about what kind of shorts they wear because some cause uncomfortable rubbing on their units. Howard said he used to walk around holding his package to hold everything in place so it wouldn't rub.
Howard also explained how he's been wiping lately. He said he wets toilet paper and dabs off the mess instead of wiping. Robin thinks he's creating dingleberries that way but he says he's not.
Cabbie says that his father owned the gas station, Howard thinks he just pumped gas. It may take 6 to 8 months to find his parents according to Cabbie. Gary said he's got a private investigator who might be able to find them quicker.
Howard thought it would be funny if Cabbie somehow slept with his father without knowing it at one of his swinger parties. He thought that would be funny.
We also found out that Cabbie's real name was Timothy. His legal name is Lee Mroszak.
Gary came in with notes from the adoption agency. He was 8 months old before he was adopted even though his mother gave him up right away. Mom was 21 years old and she never graduated high school. She was a sewing machine operator and she didn't get any prenatal care. The husband had to give up all rights to the baby even though it wasn't his. The adoption agency didn't even know who the biological father was. The mother didn't even know much about the guy who banged her. Gary also read that Cabbie's real grandmother was 4'11'' tall and weighed 170 pounds. There was a lot of info in that letter he had.
Howard took a break and came back to talk about the Cabbie vs. Angry Black fight. Howard said that he might have a Pay-Per-View set up for the fight but it's not a sure thing yet. It may also be on DirecTV satellite. It's not set in stone though. There is one problem though. Angry Black is nowhere to be found. Gary has been trying to get in touch with him and he's not having any luck. He heard that Angry Black isn't showing up at training and he won't call in. Howard told Cabbie that if Angry Black doesn't show up for the fight, he'll get all of the money in the purse.
Howard said Gary might want to fight Scott the Engineer because they had another yelling match the week before vacation. Gary said Scott refused to do some work for Best Of and they ended up yelling at each other again. Gary asked Scott if he'd fight with him but Scott says no.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how Ronnie the limo driver and Scott the Engineer went to a NASCAR driving school together. Scott thinks he went as fast as 155 MPH but Ronnie said he heard it was only 130-140. Howard also heard that Scott had to get permission from his wife to go to the school but Scott denied that. He said they had plans and had to change them so it wasn't asking permission. Howard watched a short clip of Scott driving and laughed at how funny he looked.
Angry Black finally called in around 7:30am. He said that he didn't get any of the messages that Gary left for him. He also said that he had finals at school so that's why he wasn't at the gym training. Angry Black and Cabbie spent about 10 minutes yelling at each other about the fight. Cabbie thinks he won't show up next Friday but Angry Black says he will and he'll beat Cabbie's ass.
After the yelling match Howard asked a few people who they think will win the fight. Fred and Vinnie Favale think that Angry Black will win. Robin and Howard are thinking that they're going to back Cabbie though.
Howard had Craig come in and he introduced him to Beetlejuice who had no idea who he was. Howard then spent a little while asking Craig about what it's like having his show on after Letterman. Craig kissed Letterman's ass like crazy and said that he is the king of late night. Vinnie Favale from CBS was sitting in this morning so Howard asked him how Craig does against Conan O'Brien. Vinnie said that the two of them are neck and neck but Conan usually wins the time slot. He said that Craig does beat Conan sometimes though.
Howard also brought up Amber Smith who was in his movie. She was on the show recently bad mouthing Craig so Howard played tape of that for him. Howard then said he knows that the two of them are still seeing each other even after the bad mouthing. Craig didn't want to talk about it though. He kept trying to change the subject but Howard would always get back to it. Amber eventually called in and said that the things she said about him were just because they had a misunderstanding. They're friends once again. Howard asked Craig if he ever banged Amber but he said he doesn't kiss and tell. Amber kind of said that they had been together but when Craig said that he doesn't kiss and tell, she did the same thing and shut up. Craig kept bothering Howard about telling the story of how they met out in Malibu. Craig said that Howard had Carmen Electra with him and he wanted to know about what happened there. Howard went through the story about how he didn't score with her. Then he wanted to know more about Craig and Amber. They still stayed silent though.
Howard wanted to find out just how well Craig knows Amber so he asked him a bunch of questions about her. Things like what she's done professionally and what traumatic thing just happened to her recently. He actually did pretty well. He knew quite a bit but he didn't know how many brothers or sisters she has. Amber also knew a lot about Craig.
After saying Craig's name about 30 times during the interview, Howard asked Beetlejuice if he knew who the guy was. He didn't remember his name. When Howard found out that Paul Hogan was waiting to come on, he ended the interview and took a break.
Howard said that Paul once said that he'd never do a third Dundee movie. Paul said that he shouldn't have said ''never'' because it's happening 13 years later.
Paul told Howard that he saw his movie ''Private Parts'' and thought it was very good. He also said that it was a brave movie to make.
Howard moved on to talk about Linda Kozlowski who co-stars in all three of the Crocodile Dundee movies. Paul and Linda fell in love during the making of the second one and it was rumored that she had broken up Paul's marriage. Paul said that was just crap that was made up about them. He said he was already divorced when they started dating.
Howard asked Paul about how much money he made with the first movie. He wrote and produced the movie and he still owns the rights to it. He said that he retired after the first movie and anything he does now is just a hobby. He said he stays at home and does as little as possible. He and Linda have a 2 year old baby so that takes up some of his time. He's got a home in Santa Barbara and one down in Australia.
Someone mentioned that Paul does ''a ton'' of TV commercials but he said he doesn't. Vinnie said that he's lying because he does all of those Subaru Outback commercials. That's the only thing he does though. He doesn't do ''a ton'' of them like they said.
Paul talked a little bit about the new movie. He said that in it, he and his woman are still together but not married. They have a 9 year old son together too. Paul said he thinks this one is funnier that the other two movies.
Howard took a few phone calls but a couple of people were saying that Paul sucks. There were a couple of nice calls but nothing notable. High Pitch Erik called in and wanted to tell a story about Beetlejuice but Howard hung up on him because he was talking to Paul. Howard told Paul that he should put Beetlejuice in his next movie as an Aboriginal dude. Paul said he waited 13 years to do this movie and if he waits that long to do the next one, he'll be in a walker.
Steven's girlfriend just broke up with him a couple of months ago. He said she cried when she found out he'd won the money. He's not sure if she's going to want him back when he goes home to Atlanta or not. Howard told him not to take her back because she's just going to want that money.
Steven said he wanted to get some advice from Beetlejuice about what he should do with the money. Beet had no ideas at all though so he gave up on that. Steven said he's not going to retire right now. He's going to keep his job with UPS as a Portfolio Manager until he figures out what to do with the money.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said that Scott was okay until 2 days before they were supposed to go. That's when it all fell apart. Once again Scott said that his wife was just worried about him. He finally admitted that he's pussy-whipped.
Doug also blamed Scott's bad luck, black cloud on his choking incident during the driving school thing. Doug said he was eating chunky soup when he got a piece of potato stuck in his throat. He just happened to be sitting next to Scott. He tried to get Ronnie to help him get the potato out but Ronnie thought he was just kidding around. Ronnie and Scott DePace finally hit him in the stomach and back and stopped his choking. Doug says it was Scott's bad luck that caused the choking.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Scores and how they managed to avoid getting closed down by the Mayor. There's a loophole in this new law that says if the club is 60% restaurant, it can stay open. So that's what Scores did to stay open. Howard then talked to AJ about all of the stuff he does out on the town.
Howard said a few words about the sponsors who keep his show alive in various markets around the country. He said that we have to support the local sponsors because the radio stations are under attack by groups and government agencies to get Howard off the air. Without the sponsors he'll be off the air. Howard said he will be picking various markets to push for us to support. This morning it was Orlando, Florida. He said that the people down there need to support the sponsors down there or they could lose the show.
Howard said that AJ's eyes were very red this morning. He wondered how the 38 year old can stay out all night like that and function in the morning. AJ does it quite a bit and Howard said there's no way he could keep up.
AJ told Howard about taking Viagra and he was able to bang his chick 3 times that night. He said he doesn't need it but it's a good backup just in case he needs it.
Howard said he was talking to Booker, one of the DJs at the station, about how they don't have a water fountain to use. Another DJ, Woody, said that he'd pay for a water delivery service to bring in water for everyone. Woody was told there's no money in the budget for water. Woody pointed out that it's the second highest billing radio station in the country and they don't have any money for water. Howard offered to help yesterday and it worked. This guy from Poland Spring heard about the situation and brought in a free water jug for them. They'll have to pay for the next ones and Woody thinks that they'll just refill it with water from the tap which no one wants to drink. Howard said Tom Chiusano was taking credit for getting the water there also.
KC came in and said that Tom yelled at him the other day when he was in the bathroom. KC washed his hands and left the water running while he got a towel. KC said that Tom told him to turn off the water before getting a towel. Someone said they have timers on the lights in the bathroom also. Howard says that Tom is under a lot of pressure to save money but he doesn't have any fun with the job like other General Managers do. Howard said part of the problem is this guy Fahrid who's Tom's boss now. Fahrid has never worked at a radio station according to Howard and he doesn't know what it's like. Howard called the guy a ''pencil pusher'' and all he cares about is the bottom line. Howard actually told Tom that he doesn't know how he deals with the pressure he's under.
Howard and AJ had an argument about whether or not ''The Sopranos'' is any good this season. Howard says it is and AJ says it isn't up to its usual standards. Robin agrees with AJ and she says nothing has happened on the show for the past couple of weeks.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the upcoming Cabbie vs. Angry Black fight again. He said he's still trying to make it a pay-per-view event. It might just happen. Chaunce Hayden called in again and convinced Howard to at least test out the streaming video through eYada.com. On Monday we'll all have to tune in to Chaunce on eYada.com to see if we can crash the system. Howard wants to prove to Chaunce that he doesn't know what he's talking about as far as them being able to broadcast the fight over the web.
AJ had mentioned that he likes this new J Lo song ''Play''. Howard played a piece of it and said that it's really gay to like that stuff but he likes some gay songs himself. He played the Josie and the Pussycats song from the movie. He likes that but he thinks it's kind of gay too.
Howard finally got around to the Joey Ramone tribute. He played audio clips of Billy Joe from Green Day, Dee Dee Ramone and Rob Halford saying nice things about Joey. Then he played the tape of Joey and Markee arguing on the air back in 1999. Howard said he likes The Ramones' music but he enjoys their arguments even more.
Crackhead Bob just showed up this morning without notice. He was upset because he's tried calling in lately and he gets hung up on. Howard said it's because he's so hard to understand. He calls in on a speaker phone and it's very hard to hear. Bob said that he's actually calling from his bathroom. He said he has to sit on the bowl for an hour and a half to take a dump because of his stroke.
This woman Nicole Moore paints houses nude. She came in this morning to plug her web sites NicoleMoore.net and IntimateDetails.com. Howard spent a few minutes watching tape of her actually painting someone's home while she's naked. He wondered if she has sex with the customers. She says she doesn't because she's trying to take her job seriously. She said she charges $15 a square foot and guys can only watch her, they can't touch. She has a bodyguard along with her to make sure no one touches. She said that guys can whack off while they watch her though. She doesn't mind that.
Nicole stripped down for Howard. He and AJ were both impressed with her body. She eventually told Howard that she's actually a porn actress and she's trying to get out of that business. That's why she's doing the painting. She also told him that she's married. Her husband directs some of her porn movies.
Howard took a break and when he came back Crackhead Bob did some singing for us. He had Howard play a John Mellencamp song and he sang along with it. He sang the whole damn song... but you couldn't understand more than 4 or 5 words though. Bob tried to explain that he was singing the song because it's kind of what his life is like. The song, which we couldn't hear because Bob's ''dinging'' was drowning it out, must mention losing his kids and wife or something. Bob said his kids don't like him right now because they're teenagers. He thinks they may come around at some point but Howard's not so sure about that.
Carly's friend Danielle came in and stripped down for Howard too. She was pretty hot but she was too chunky too. Howard said if she lost 25 pounds she'd be a 10. One of the girls had even shaved the Playboy bunny into their bush. She said it was pretty easy to keep up once she'd gotten it cut out. You can see both of them at CinnamonBunz.com
Howard read an article about Rosie O'Donnell's mangled hand. She hurt it a few weeks ago and it's taking forever to heal. In the article they talk about her problem child Mia. Howard spent a few minutes talking about and goofing on Rosie's wacky problems.
Howard said he read a review of Tom Green's new movie ''Freddy Got Fingered'' in the NY Post today and he's never seen a worse review. But the review made the movie sound like it might be funny according to Howard. As he was reading the review Howard laughed and said it sounds like it's funny. Howard said that the new ''Crocodile Dundee'' movie is getting horrible reviews too. Howard was looking forward to it though. One reviewer talks about Paul Hogan's bad plastic surgery. Howard then started wondering what he's going to do when he starts to look old. Will he get plastic surgery or will he just let himself fall apart? That led to Howard and AJ discussing old actors and how they should just stop working.
A guy called in and said that he found a cool web page called AmIBlackOrNot.com where you vote on whether or not people are black. Howard said he found one called RatePeople (wrong URL, probably RankPeople.com) where you vote on people's looks. Howard tried to bring it up but it was the wrong address. He went to AmIBlackOrNot.com instead and found out it was very racist. Check it out yourself if you dare.
Howard said that he just got one of these new Black Berry 2-way pagers that will allow you read your e-mail wherever you're at. AJ told Howard that it's the worst invention ever. Howard said it's the greatest thing because he doesn't need to carry a computer around.
Henry Hill called in real quick this morning. Howard mentioned that Henry was on Best Of last week and Mancow, one of Howard's imitators, called Henry after hearing him on the show. Henry called Howard and asked if it was okay to go on. Howard told him he can do what he wants to do. Henry ended up deciding not to go on. He was thinking of going on to promote his web site GoodFellaHenry.com.
Ron said that his grandfather would take the small children and use crayons and hot dogs with vaseline on them to molest them. The show is apparently very graphic and disturbing.
Ron said he's also working on a movie called ''The Working Girl.com'' but he didn't give many details on that. Howard wrapped up the interview pretty quick for some reason.
After the break Alisha said that Hank the dwarf had hit her with a magazine out in the green room. Howard had Hank come in to talk about that. Alisha said she had told Hank that he stunk so he whacked her on the head with the magazine she'd just signed. Hank said he didn't hit her that hard anyway.
Howard also had this midget woman who called in late in the show yesterday. She told Hank that she wanted to meet him today and Howard arranged for her to come down but she backed out. Hank knew it yesterday and told Howard that she wouldn't come. He knew it and he was right. Howard told her yesterday that if she didn't show up he and Hank were going to go to her home and rape her pets. She said she didn't have any pets so she didn't have to worry. Howard told Hank to go up and rape her plants instead. He told her not to ever call in again.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the Gossip Game but he got distracted with Alisha's Bruce Willis dating stories. She told Howard that she actually has video of Bruce totally naked on a PC camera. She went through the short relationship she had with Bruce. She said it was a one night sex thing but the phone relationship they had was a few months. They had sex one night and he performed anal sex on her and she said it was the best she's ever had. She said he was so good that she orgasmed just from the anal.
At one point Alisha said she was going to lap dance for Hank since the midget chick backed out on him. She unzipped her short skirt and stuck her ass in Hank's face for a few seconds. Howard said Hank was studying her ass up close for a few seconds. She then took off her top and left it off for the rest of the interview. Howard said she was spread eagle trying to put her skirt back on so it must have been quite a site. He said Hank actually forgot to drink while he was staring at her boobies.
Angry Black called in and asked Alisha if she'd stick around until next week so he could get ''some of that rump'' after the Cabbie fight. Howard said he'd like to get Alisha or Kendra Jade to give up some anal for the winner of the fight. Gary said they're working on getting that.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before playing the Gossip Game. A couple of guys called Alisha a bitch and a whore but she didn't really care too much.
Howard finally got to the game long after Mike actually called in. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
Howard wrapped up the interview after the game since it was getting so late.
High Pitch Erik called in and said that Hank was over to his house yesterday and he accidentally missed the toilet bowl when he took a crap. Erik said it took him about an hour to clean up the mess. Hank said that doesn't usually happen to him though. Erik wasn't too upset, he said that it was just an accident.
A listener called in and said that Howard just has people like Hank on to exploit them. He said that Howard makes money off of these guys and Hank's manager is exploiting Hank by getting him gigs to appear in different places. Hank's manager, Doug Goodstein, came in and defended what he does. Doug said that all of the bookings they get are unsolicited. He said that people come to him to have him appear, he doesn't go out and try to get Hank booked. Hank said the only reason he was miserable this morning was because of this guy's call.
During their talk Howard learned that Hank has never been to Scores. When Doug Goodstein heard that he came in and said he was going to bring Hank there tonight for his birthday.
Howard told Robin that Hank comes prepared with mixed drinks when he comes in. He actually prepares 3 or 4 bottles before he comes in. Howard said he had a few Sprite bottles filled with Vodka and various soft drinks.
We then learned that Hank is full of rock and roll trivia. Howard and AJ asked him a few questions about older rock and roll bands and he knew the answers to some pretty hard questions. Vinnie Favale, another trivia buff, then called in and asked him some really hard questions and Hank knew a lot of the answers. Vinnie kept saying ''Hey Hank...'' before a question so Howard said they could have a game called ''Hey Hank'' where you compete against him for money. Hank also gave us a demonstration of his Karaoke singing talents by singing some of Aerosmith's ''Walk This Way''. He knew the words but his singing wasn't all that great.
Visit HankTheDwarf.com to get a new Hank the Dwarf t-shirt.