Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 7/19/99 to 7/23/99

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-- Monday July 19, 1999 --
• Howard Comments On John F. Kennedy Jr.'s Disappearance. 7/19/99. 6:15am
  Howard spent a good part of the morning talking about the news of John F. Kennedy Jr.'s disappearance this weekend. Howard told Robin that he was saddened by the news because he knew John and his wife Carolyn. He said he'd run into them once in a while and thought that Carolyn was a really great person. He called her a beautiful person and not just in her appearance but her personality. Howard spoke about the time that John Jr. Sent him a hand written letter asking him to do the cover of his magazine George. Howard thought that was really cool of him to do that since Howard used to goof on him and his family constantly. It showed Jr.'s good sense of humor.

• Captain Janks Strikes During Kennedy Crisis. 7/19/99. 6:40am
  Phony phone caller Captain Janks struck again during this weekend's news coverage of John F. Kennedy Jr.'s disappearance. Janks called in with tape of his calls this morning. Janks said that this were the easiest calls he's ever made. The first call he made was to Dan Rather on CBS news. He called in as U.S. Coast Guard Lieutenant Ed Gaynor. Janks got on and told Dan that they'd found some debris that was consistent with that of the type of plane Kennedy was flying. He then went on to say that they also found Baba Booey's teeth and Howard Stern. His comments went right over Rather's head and he asked Janks a question. By then the producers had cut off Janks. Rather kept going on about how this was a big development in the disappearance. It took another CBS reporter to tell Dan about the prank. Even after that Rather still didn't get it. It took him a couple of minutes to get it through his head that it was a phony phone call. Janks also had tape of his call to ABC's Peter Jennings. Janks got right to his punch line with Jennings. He told him that Howard Stern thinks he's a dick. Jennings quickly went on to say that this ''happens on every crisis in America. Someone representing disc jockey Howard Stern gets through..'' and it passes. Janks also made a call to MSNBC but didn't get it on tape. On that call he said he told some female reporter that Howard thinks she's a whore. Howard took phone calls from listeners who wanted to talk about Janks' pranks. Most of the calls were against what Janks did although there were a few people who found it funny. Melrose Larry Green was one who doesn't find it funny. He called in and yelled at Janks for doing this. He said that Janks embarrasses him. Janks pointed out that Melrose stands on street corners wearing big signs with Howard's name on them.. How could he be embarrassed by Janks? King of all Blacks called in and told Janks that he found the call hilarious. I have to admit that I saw the CBS call live and it cracked me up so I'm with King of all Blacks on this one. If you want to hear the calls yourself head over to www.captainjanks.com

• Howard Plays Tape Of John F. Kennedy Jr.'s 1996 Appearance On The Show. 7/19/99. 7:15am
  Back in March 1996 Howard had John F. Kennedy Jr. on the show. Howard played some tape of that interview this morning. The tape showed Kennedy's sense of humor and the fact that he didn't take himself too seriously. At the time Howard had agreed to appear on the cover of George magazine. Kennedy's people kept him from signing a release so that they could show the appearance on E! so it was only heard on the radio show.

• Two Truths & A Lie Game. 7/19/99. 8:15am
  Last week Howard played this ''Two Truths and a Lie'' game where someone tells you two true stories and one false one. He had one set of stories left over from Sarah the news intern so he played it again this morning. He read off her three stories then tried to guess which one was false. Here are her stories:
  1. Her family dog once bit off the lip of a boyfriend and he had to have stitches to reattach it.
  2. To put herself through college she stripped at a New Jersey strip club.
  3. She once snuck back stage at a concert and ''hooked up'' with B-Real of Cypress Hill.
  Howard guessed that it was the second story and was correct. Sarah told the story about how when she was 17 or 18 she snuck back stage at this concert and made out with B-Real for some unknown reason. She said he was really gross and she didn't know why she did it. She said she must have been star struck. She also explained the true dog story. Her family had a dalmatian/doberman mix that was very unstable. Her parents went away somewhere and told her not to have anyone over. Her boyfriend came over and went to pet the dog. He thought it was safe because the dog was wagging it's tail but it ended up ripping off the guy's upper lip. Sarah freaked out and her neighbors came over to help. The guy ended up suing her family and Sarah said she thinks he still drools when he drinks.

• Dennis Rodman Comes In. 7/19/99. 8:25am
  Basketball player Dennis Rodman came in to hang out this morning. Howard got right into talking about Dennis' short marriage to Carmen Electra. The two of them were married for about a month but never lived together. Dennis told Howard that he didn't cheat on Carmen in that short marriage but Carmen saw it differently. Howard asked Dennis if he was drunk or high when he got married. Dennis said he wasn't drunk or high. He just went for it for some strange reason. Dennis blames the divorce on the media and on his ex-manager, Dwight. He also claims that the last person he had sex with was Carmen. Since then he's been on hold. He said that it's too easy to get laid now and he'd like a challenge. On the other hand he said that he has a big penis and he loves to share it with people. Howard and Dennis also discussed Dennis' being fired from the LA Lakers. The team claimed that Rodman either didn't show up to practice or was always late. Dennis said that he showed up to most practices and was on time. He said he was actually relieved after being fired because there was no chemistry with the team and there was pressure to make things work with Carmen Electra. When things didn't work out he claims that he was the one that asked for the divorce. He and Carmen continued to see each other once in a while after the divorce. Howard asked Dennis if he's had sex with any men since the divorce since he'd once claimed that he received oral sex from a man. Dennis said that it was just that one time and he's not into that. One guy called in claiming to be the guy that gave Dennis oral sex. He said he could prove it because he knew Dennis had a bent penis. Dennis denied the bent penis thing but did tell Howard about how he ''broke'' his penis.. Twice! He said he was having rough sex with his girlfriend Stacy when he slipped and banged his penis on her pelvis. It bent and something split and blood went everywhere. He said after that it blew up like a balloon so he went to the hospital. There, he said, everyone came and looked at it and touched it trying to figure out what could be done. It turned out none of them were doctors. There was nothing they could do for him at the time anyway so when he did it a second time with a different woman, he just let it be. As Howard was rapping up the interview Dennis said he's hoping to be playing in the NBA next year and possibly with the Lakers again. In the mean time he's doing some professional wrestling and making at appearances at parties for $40-50,000 per appearance.

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  -- Tuesday July 20, 1999 --

• Kip's 5 Minute Fart Record Attempt. 7/20/99. 7:00am
  After an hour of talking about J.F.K. Jr. conspiracy theories and jokes with listeners, Howard moved on to something more entertaining.. Kip the farter. Kip is in a band by the name of Chad Jasmine and he came in to attempt to break the 5 minute fart record of 217 set by an 11 year old kid last year. After straightening out a problem with microphones Howard had Kip get right into farting. Kip warmed up for about 4 seconds then got busy trying to break the record. He started off strong with 25 farts in the first 13 seconds but slowed to 60 farts in 60 seconds. By the 4:45 minute mark he had broken the previous record of 217 but was running out of steam. When his time was up he had blasted out 225 farts! These guys are able to suck air in using their stomach muscles and blast it right back out. Howard played one of Kip's songs but wasn't too impressed with it. He had Kip give us one more big blast before he left. It went on for a good 10 seconds and sounded like he may have messed his pants. Howard asked for someone to get him a tissue. Kip said his band has a web site at www.chadjasmine.com

• Joey And Markee From The Ramones Come In. 7/20/99. 7:50am
  Joey and Markee Ramone from the rock group The Ramones were reunited this morning after a year of not talking to each other. Last week Howard called Joey to tell him that he really wanted the two of them on the show because they're so good together. Joey had turned down the appearance because he really didn't want to fight with Markee. Eventually he changed his mind and decided to come on. The Ramones have a new anthology box set album, Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology, coming out today and they'll be signing copies of it at the Virgin Megastore in New York City tonight at 7pm. When the two of them showed up this morning they shook hands and even spoke to each other without fighting. They told Howard that they haven't spoken in about a year or so. Howard tried to get the scoop on why they hadn't spoken to each other. Joey went on to explain how it started as the band was breaking up back in 1996. Joey said he was exhausted from dealing with the band. They were offered a gig down in South America and Joey turned it down because he was so exhausted. Markee wasn't thrilled with the decision at the time and got upset with Joey. Markee said today that now that Joey has explained it so well, he understands why he did what he did. Tonight a bunch of the band will be at the album signing including Dee Dee, Tommy, Johnny, Joey and Markee. Joey told Howard that there have been problems between them all since the beginning of the band back in the '70's. He said that even tonight some of the guys probably won't even speak to him. Howard also asked about Joey's health. There have been rumors that he's dying of cancer but he denied that today. Markee said he heard things about Joey's health from someone in the band but wouldn't say who it was. Joey has lost 30 pounds but said it's because he's on a diet and he's been working out. Howard took a couple of calls from listeners and each one of them tried to instigate a fight. They all brought up things that Markee has said about Joey and things that Joey has said about Markee. They just laughed each of the things off. Before they left Markee said that he's in a new band called The Intruders and their album, ''The Answer To Your Problems?'', comes out today.

• Shannon The Wheelchair Chick Comes In. 7/20/99. 8:40am
  This woman Shannon was scheduled to come in and show her breasts to Howard and the gang. When she was wheeled in all she wanted to talk about were these ''Hypothetical Erotica'' things that she had on CD. Apparently her friend wrote a book about hypothetical sexual situations or something like that. KC came in with her and told Howard that he had her on tape agreeing to take off her top when she came in. Shannon denied it and said she didn't want to do that. Howard wouldn't play her ''hypothetical erotica'' game with her but he did end up talking to her for a few minutes. Shannon is wheelchair bound because she suffers from C.P. Howard asked her a bunch of questions about how she has sex and stuff like that. 30 year old Shannon said that she's had 4 partners in her life but would like more experiences. She said that she's a master of fellatio though. Howard told her that perhaps he could hook her up with Benjy. Gary told Howard that Benjy wasn't in today so they couldn't hook them up. One listener called in and said he'd hook up with her but she didn't live in New York so he backed out of it. Before she left Howard told her he was a little upset that she lied about taking her top off to get on the show. KC yelled at her to take it off but she still wouldn't do it. As she was being wheeled out by her friend Audrey, Shannon plugged her friend's web site at www.hypos.com.

• Director Kevin Smith Rescheduled. 7/20/99. 9:15am
  Director Kevin Smith was scheduled to come in this morning at 8:30. He was running about a half hour late so Howard had him rescheduled for another day. Howard was getting pissed because people treat the show like crap and don't show up on time. He always points out that these people wouldn't show up late for an appearance on Letterman's show but his show they'll show up whenever they want to. Howard did give Smith a plug a short time after saying that he was rescheduled. Kevin Smith will be appearing at Virgin Megastore in New York City Wednesday, July 21 from Noon to 3pm. He also has a web site at www.viewaskew.com

• Book Of Horrible Questions For Sarah And Robin. 7/20/99. 10:10am
  During Robin's news Howard interrupted with some more questions out of this book ''The Book of Horrible Questions; Everyone Has a Price -- What's Yours?'' that they've talked about before. The book has questions like ''For $250,000 would you fellate Al Sharpton?'' Howard asked that one to Robin and her intern Sarah. Both said no but when the money went up to $25 Million they had second thoughts. Here are a few other examples of what Howard asked Robin and Sarah:
  • For $5000 would you lick the scrotum three times of a man with a bag on his head? - Sara, NO
  • For $25,000 would you star in an educational video showing how to insert a tampon? - Sarah, YES
  • For $10,000 would you carry a cucumber in your privates for a full day? - Sarah and Robin, YES
  • For $250,000 would you sleep with a 600 pound moron who was never pottie trained and has a tendency to empty his bowels when excited? - Sarah, NO
  • For $15,000 would you chug a randomly selected glass of vomit? - Sarah, NO
  Howard had other questions like ''For $100,000 would you sleep with Gary the Retard?'' Robin said she wouldn't even do that for a million. That led to everyone else coming in to play the game. Stuttering John, KC, Jackie and Fred joined in on the fun and more questions came about. Everyone threw out all kinds of questions like
  • Would you give oral to a guy for a $1 Million?
  • Would you use your hand on a guy for $10 Million?
  • Would you give oral sex to your Father/Mother?
  KC wasn't willing to give up his pride to do any of these things. Howard and Jackie pretty much said they'd do anything for money. There were also questions about who Howard would fire first and last. Howard would fire Stuttering John first and Fred last. They also asked Robin and Sarah which guy on the show they'd sleep with first and last. Sarah said KC first and probably John last. Robin said she'd sleep with Howard first and Jackie would be last on her list. There were a few other questions but they went through them so fast I was barely able to keep up. You can get a copy of ''The Book of Horrible Questions; Everyone Has a Price -- What's Yours?'' at Amazon.com

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  -- Wednesday July 21, 1999 --

• Goofing On Contest Winners From Baltimore. 7/21/99. 7:10am
  Yesterday some contest winners from Baltimore got to come up to see the K-Rock studios that Howard works out of. Howard decided to goof on them a little bit to make them think they're nuts. He planned to have Gary tell them that they had to remove their shoes when they went into the studio because Howard was so germ-phobic. When Howard started playing the tape he heard that Gary changed the bit a little and it wasn't that funny. Gary told the people that they had to take their shoes off because of the expensive equipment they have in the studio. They also vacuumed people telling them they had to be clean when they went in. Gary said the bit was still funny but it's a visual thing. They also took Steve the Engineer, who plays Wood Yi, and told the visitors that he was one of the owners of the station. They believed it and asked him a couple of questions which Steve was barely able to answer. Then they had Kip the farter from yesterday and had him pretending to work on a microphone. He then farted constantly while doing it until some people pointed it out to Gary. Maybe it'll be funnier when they show in on TV.

• New Daniel Carver KKK Message. 7/21/99. 7:25am
  After Howard failed to get Hank the Dwarf on the phone he decided to go to commercial but as he went he played a new Daniel Carver KKK message. Daniel was on fire with this message. He ranted about how President Clinton is a scumbag for interfering with the Serbs and their ethnic cleansing. He also yelled about how the Colorado shootings were considered racially motivated even though only one black student was killed. Daniel worded that a little differently of course. Daniel also plugged his catalog of KKK items which has grown to 70 pages now. You can check out Daniel's movie reviews on my ''Daniel Carver Movie Review Summary'' page.

• Tori Spelling Comes In. 7/21/99. 7:45am
  Actress Tori Spelling came in to promote her new movie ''Trick'' this morning. The movie starts in selected theaters in New York and Los Angeles this Friday and around the country in a few weeks. As soon as Tori came in Howard noticed her short dress. Her breasts were showing and the dress was pretty short. Tori told Howard that she wore it just for him and she wasn't wearing any underwear. When Howard wasn't obsessing on Tori's breasts he was talking to her about her sex life. Tori claims that she hasn't had sex in over a year although she does have a vibrator to take the edge off. Tori also brought up Melrose Larry Green while she was there. She said that he works out at her gym. He walks around with those big signs of his but she said he doesn't bother her at all. Melrose called in at one point but really didn't have anything to say other than the fact that Tori is really nice. Howard brought up some of the guys that Tori's dated in her life but she didn't have much to say about that. Howard's list of men was off a little bit and Tori had to tell him that some of the guys on the list she's never dated. Howard also said that Tori went to pre-school with Monica Lewinsky. Tori said that she was best friends with her back then buy they only went to school together for 2 years. She said that she's not impressed with what Monica did to the President. Howard said to Tori ''You must give some wicked fellatio..'' and she confirmed it. She said that she really enjoys doing that to guys. Howard took one phone call from a guy who called Tori ''long in the tooth.'' Tori wasn't sure what that meant. Howard told her it meant she looked old. She said she's only 26 but the caller said she looks 36. She took it pretty well and blew the guy off. Howard also asked Tori about the rumors of her father having prostate cancer. Tori said he doesn't have cancer and he's just fine. Before Tori left Howard brought up the story about her having sex on an airplane one time. She explained to Howard how she and her boyfriend at the time were flying to Europe and had sex in the airplane bathroom. She said they stood up facing each other which surprised Howard. She said it worked though.

• Hank The Dwarf Update. 7/21/99. 8:40am
  Hank the dwarf called in to talk to Howard about his seizures a few weeks ago. We didn't hear much about it because Hank was rambling about things that Howard didn't ask him about and his phone sounded like crap. Hank did say that he was off of alcohol for a week or so but he's back to drinking once again. He said he only had one glass of wine this morning before the phone call to Howard. Howard had Hank change phones during the conversation but it took him forever to get it and it didn't help much. Hank's manager, Doug Goodstein from E!, came in and told Hank to focus but it didn't seem to help much. Eventually Howard got fed up with trying to talk to Hank on the phone so he told him to save his story for when he comes to the show. That will happen in about a week and a half. Bodybuilder Nicole Bass was at that show with Hank and she was on the phone after Hank. She just retold the story about what had happened to Hank. She also gave an explanation of why she was fired from the WWF recently. Her phone connection was pretty bad also so Howard had to get her off the phone. He told her to save the story for when she comes in to visit.

• Kid Rock & Joe C Come In. 7/21/99. 8:50am
  Rapper/Rocker Kid Rock(Bob Ritchie) came in with his 3'9'' tall buddy Joe C this morning. Howard saw Kid Rock perform at the K-Rock Dysfunctional Family Picnic a few weeks ago and thought he was pretty good. Howard played a sample of his hit song ''Bawwitdabaw'' and even Robin knew the lyrics. Howard went on to tell a story about how Kid Rock sent him a tape back in 1992 or so. At the time he'd had a fight with this guy Ed Levine and he said something about putting his balls in his mouth. Kid Rock took a sample of that and turned it into a song. He sent the song to Howard and Howard thought it was really cool but he couldn't play it on the air because it was too dirty. He didn't know who the guy was because it was just a listener. Then when he saw Kid Rock perform at the DFP this year he heard that song again. He thought that Kid Rock had ripped off the song but when he asked him about it Kid told him he was the one who sent him the tape back then. He still performs the song to this day. Kid called it a ''cult classic'' among his fans. He said that a friend of his had hooked him up with a copy of Howard's tape ''Crucified by the FCC'' and he sampled some of it to make the song. Howard moved on to talk to Joe C after talking to Kid. Howard is amazed at how small Joe is. The guy looks like a little boy and he's only 3'9'' tall. He even sounds like a little kid. Joe explained that he's not a midget or a dwarf, he's just not fully grown because of some disease he has. He has trouble eating normal foods and has an intravenous tube stuck in his stomach so he can eat by IV. He eats while he sleeps. Joe pointed out that he's in proportion, unlike Hank the dwarf. He said he gets laid a lot though. Even since Kid Rock gave him the job he's gotten laid. He was a virgin when Kid Rock found him at a concert but Kid hooked him up. Joe calls Kid his savior. Joe has even been offered movie rolls since he hooked up with Kid Rock. Howard brought up one of his notes about how Kid once dyed his penis blue. Kid explained how he was in the shower with this woman in the dark and he needed some lube. He reached up and grabbed a bottle. When they turned on the light his penis was blue. It turned out to be hair dye. Kid said he ran out of the bathroom laughing. Howard also pointed out that Kid has a son which he has custody of. Howard asked Joe C if he's knocked up anyone yet. Joe said he doesn't want kids because in 4 months they'd be taller than him. Howard took a bunch of calls for Kid and most of them were really positive. Only one guy called in and said he didn't like his music. Kid Rock said that he'll be appearing at the Hammerstein Ballroom tomorrow and at Woodstock this weekend. His new video for ''Cowboy'' should start airing on MTV next week.

• Howard Gives Away Woodstock Tickets. 7/21/99. 9:50am
  Howard had some special tickets to Woodstock to give away this morning so he played a true/false game about Presidents with a couple of listeners. Fred took some questions out of a book called ''Sex Lives of the Presidents : An Irreverent Expose of the Chief Executive from George Washington to the Present Day'' by Nigel Cawthorne. The listeners had to get 2 out of 3 questions correct to win the tickets. Here are the first 3 questions:
  • Nancy Reagan had a lesbian affair in college, true or false. - True
  • President Nixon loved strip clubs, true or false. - True
  • Ronald Regan was accused of date rape, true or false. - True
  The first caller only got one of those correct so he didn't win. Howard took a second caller and he won the tickets after getting the first two guesses correct. Here are his questions:
  • George Washington would beat his slaves after sex, true or false. - False
  • Andrew Johnson was drunk when sworn in as vice president, true or false. - True

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  -- Thursday July 22, 1999 --

• Howard Plays His Board Op's Music. 7/22/99. 6:45am
  Howard was talking about some of the projects he has going with his production company. He was going to play a CD of music from his upcoming cartoon ''Doomsday'' but wasn't able to find it. He then mentioned that his board operator played some of his music for him the other day. Howard brought Luis the board op in to play it for Robin. The songs were pretty depressing and sounded kind of gay. Howard suggested that perhaps the songs were number one in Gay Head, Massachusetts. Howard said it was just as bad as top 40 music. Scott DePace came in and told Howard how Luis brought the CD to a party he had and they went in the bedroom to play it. DePace said it was really uncomfortable to be in the room with the guy listening to the music. One caller said that Luis sounds like a gay Richard Marx. Another caller said that Luis was talented. Then he said ''Yeah, because it's hard to sing with balls in your mouth.''

• Howard Not Going To Woodstock 99. 7/22/99. 7:30am
  A few weeks ago Howard was thinking of going up to the big Woodstock 99 concert in upstate New York this weekend. Today a listener called in and asked Howard if he's going or not. Howard said he's not going up. He's probably going to get it on Pay-Per-View instead. While he was talking about it Gary was in the studio. At one point Howard just said ''God, your teeth look huge today!'' He then said that everyone was looking weird today. He then brought Mike Gange in to talk to him because his voice is so screwed up. Gange's voice was messed up yesterday and he claimed it was from having his air conditioning unit blowing on his head all night. Today he said it was screwed up from yelling during a Jamiraqui concert last night. Howard said he thinks he might have throat cancer or something. He also wondered why Gange went to see Jamiraqui. Gange said he just went so he could hang out with his friends from the station. He said he wasn't even listening to the music. It turns out Gange went to the concert with a bunch of good looking women from the show but he doesn't get laid. Howard said he's just like a chauffeur.

• Queen For A Day. 7/22/99. 8:05am
  Two women came in to compete for breast implants. Each woman had horrible stories to tell about their lives and the one with the worst would win the free implants from Dr. Sal Calabro. Usually there would be 3 women but these two had such sad stories that KC figured it would be too much to have 3 women. First up was Angela who was pretty good looking according to Howard. The second woman was Sally. She was a little older and not as good looking but her stories were really sad. Here are some of their horrible life stories:
  • Angela - Was abused and beaten by a male member of her family from the age of 8 to 18 or so. Had her head banged into walls until she'd wet her pants. Was thrown against walls. Was called lazy, ugly and fat. Turned bulimic for 10 years because she was called fat. Went to rehab and is now on Prozac. Has been abused by 7 guys during the time she was bulimic. A Dr. abused her by pretending to listen to her heart while in rehab. Her husband committed suicide by shooting himself. 4 guys ganged up on her and raped her more than once.
  • Sally - Father didn't want a girl, wanted a boy. Beat the crap out of her with golf clubs. Dad hated her. Sent to mental hospital, got pregnant, ran away and Vietnam vet boyfriend beat her thinking she was Viet Cong. He once put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger but the gun jammed. When her second child was born the Dr. gave her too much anesthetic and temporarily paralyzed her for 6 months. Had to crawl on hands during that time. Once kidnapped and raped by 2 guys. Her nose and cheek were broken by one of those guys. Second husband was mental and raped and beat her. Used to handcuff her to the bed so she wouldn't masturbate in her sleep. He once shoved her head through a glass door and tried to cut her throat. Third husband just wanted her to watch his kids from previous marriage. 4th husband just wanted extra income and took out insurance policy just in case she killed herself. She's been in 3 car wrecks and had amnesia for 8 months. Hr roommates kicked her out when she was 9 months pregnant. Now she has fibromyalgia which makes her ache all the time.
  Halfway through Sally's stories Howard was convinced that she was the winner. Angela had shown Howard her breasts and he told her they were great and that she shouldn't touch them. Dr. Calabro called in and told Howard that he would be willing to give Angela some liposuction and the implants to Sally. That's what they settled on by the end of the segment. Howard asked Dr. Calabro to be sure not to hit these women. They've been abused enough. You can see some before and after pics over at www.salcalabro.com

• Fred Durst From Limp Bizkit Comes In. 7/22/99. 8:50am
  The lead singer in the band Limp Bizkit, Fred Durst, came in today. Howard spent a minute talking about tattoos with Fred since he used to be a tattoo artist before he got his record deal. He told Howard they could do something with his Capricorn tattoo on his right upper arm. He suggested putting a unicorn behind the symbol or something like that. I'm sure he was kidding about that. Howard quickly changed the subject but not to music. He was more interested in finding out about Fred's new girlfriend, Carmen Electra. Howard spent 90 percent of the interview obsessing on how Fred and Carmen hooked up and what it's like to date her. Fred met Carmen at an MTV thing and danced with her. He found out that she wasn't with Dennis Rodman anymore so he asked her out. Their first date was at George Lucas' ranch to see the Star Wars movie. After that they went out dancing and Fred said they kissed goodnight but he didn't get anything else out of it that night. He told Howard he's taking it slow. Howard said he would have banged her that night if he was able to get a date with her. Fred never said if or when he got to bang Carmen. He's keeping some things between them. Howard was so interested in hearing all of this that he told Fred to tell the story over again after he told it the first time. Howard also spent a couple of minutes talking to Fred about all of the other stuff he's up to. He just became the Senior Vice President of Interscope Records and he's putting together a movie deal. He told Howard he's going to try to do as much as he can while he's still hot instead of waiting until his music career dies off. He's also directing videos and looking for new bands to sign to Interscope. Limp Bizkit is appearing at Woodstock 99 on Saturday night in what's considered the best time slot of 8pm. Howard took a few phone calls before ending the segment. One 13 year old girl, who claimed to have big breasts, begged Fred for tickets to tonight's show at Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard hung up on her. A couple of people who knew Fred years ago called in also. One woman said that Fred used to bang 3 chicks at one time and used to inhale butane. Fred admitted that he banged a lot of chicks but didn't inhale butane. He said that he doesn't even smoke pot. Another guy used to be friends with Fred's brother. He just called to tell Fred he was proud of him. Howard played some of Jackie's music, ''Another Glass of Fools Gold'', for Fred to see if he would sign him on to Interscope. Fred said he wasn't feeling anything good from the song. Howard played Limp Bizkit's hit song ''Nookie'' as he ended the segment.

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  -- Friday July 23, 1999 --

• Gary's Wacky Voice Mail Messages. 7/23/99. 6:30am
  Gary gets quite a bit of wacky voice mail messages after the show. Howard played a few the other day and some more this morning. One woman left 8 messages about how she thinks the Kennedy family isn't thinking of what JFK Jr. would have wanted as far as a funeral. She said that his spirit is watching everything going on and he's not liking it. Why she left that message for Gary is beyond him. Howard also played some wacky stuff from alien abductee, Riley Martin. Riley was rambling about how Howard doesn't call him back and stuff like that. There were also a couple of messages from Jessica Hahn but they weren't too weird. Then there was a woman who Howard hung up on the other day. She left a message telling Gary what a bastard Howard was for hanging up on her. She said that she just wanted to tell Howard how much she likes him and he hung up.

• Howard's Porno Of The Month Club. 7/23/99. 6:55am
  Taking a cue from Oprah Winfrey's Book of the Month club, Howard has decided to do a Porno of the Month club. He said that he'll tell us about a porno and have the stars and director of the porno on the show when he announces it. He said he'll tell us the web site where you can buy the videos at. As usual, I'll have all the information right here when it becomes available.

• KC's New Girlfriend. 7/23/99. 7:00am
  Howard announced some interesting information this morning. He told Robin that he found out that KC has a girlfriend. It turns out that she used to be an intern on the show. He didn't say which one it was but did say that she was the hottest intern they ever had on the show. KC was very reluctant to talk about the relationship but did say that they've been going out for about a month and a half. He didn't date her while she worked at the station but didn't wait long to ask her out after her internship was over. Howard said he found out about it from someone at the station but he doesn't remember exactly who it was. KC said he was very disappointed that Howard found out because he was trying to keep it a secret. Howard said it wasn't that big of a deal though. Everyone was coming in the studio to deny that they told Howard about the relationship. Howard was trying to find out what he and his new girlfriend talk about when they go out but KC didn't really say. He did say that they've gone to the beach a couple of times. He says he's a very private person. when they mentioned the beach thing someone pointed out that KC doesn't like going in the waters off the north shore of Long Island because he's afraid of sea turtles.

• Director Kevin Smith Plays The Gossip Game. 7/23/99. 7:50am
  Director Kevin Smith (''Clerks'', ''Mallrats'', ''Chasing Amy'') came in to talk to Howard this morning. He was supposed to show up the other day but he was late to he got rescheduled. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Kevin about all of his movies and how little money he's spent making them. His first movie, ''Clerks'', was made for $28,000 and made about $3.5 Million. ''Chasing Amy'' was made for $250,000 and made $12 million or so. His new film ''Dogma'' comes out the second week of October. Both Howard and Robin noticed that Kevin has gained quite a bit of weight since they saw him last so they pointed that out right away. After a few minutes Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play his game.

  Mike Walker calls in each week with 4 gossip stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column, one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false story. Here are this week's stories:

  1. Jennifer Aniston was bitten on the ass by a wild deer in her boyfriend's back yard when she bent over.
  2. Woody Allen fell asleep in a limo and when the driver came over to wake him his wife told him not to do it. The driver had to wait an hour for Woody to finish his nap.
  3. William Shatner was on an airplane and decided to do some exercises. He threw out his back and was unable to get up. He then yelled ''Beam me up!'' so someone would help him back to his seat.
  4. Daisy Fuentes has been taking a photographer with a digital camera with her when she goes shopping so she can see how she'll look in the clothes she tries on.
  Howard and Kevin both picked number 3 as the false story. Robin picked number 4 and Jackie picked number 1. The actual false story was number four. Robin won this week.

  After the game Howard spoke to Kevin about his weight again. Kevin said ever since his wife gave birth to their first kid he's just let himself go. He doesn't care about the weight since he's married now and doesn't have to look for a woman. After that Kevin told Howard an interesting story about Chevy Chase. Basically he said he went to Universal studios and they asked him what projects he might want to work on. He wanted to do another ''Fletch'' movie. Universal asked him who he thought should play Fletch and Kevin said Chevy Chase. Universal told him they weren't into Chevy Chase anymore but Kevin wanted him anyway. Eventually Kevin had a meeting with Chevy and he was into doing the movie. Then Kevin got busy with other things and had to put off writing Fletch. Time passed and Universal decided not to go with the Fletch thing. Then Kevin saw an article where Chevy said that Kevin let him down by not doing the movie and that Kevin was ''so Hollywood.'' This was after he stuck up for Chase in the meetings with Universal.

  Kevin also had a story about Producer John Peters who hired Kevin to write a new Superman movie. Kevin said that the guy told him that he didn't want to see Superman in his red costume and he didn't want to see him fly. He also told Kevin that in the third act Superman had to fight a giant spider. The movie never got approved but John Peters giant spider ended up in the movie ''Wild Wild West'' which just came out a few weeks ago. Kevin heard that Peters had gone to his daughter's first grade class and saw spiders and was so into it that he wanted one in the movie.

  Howard had Kevin's wife Jennifer come in so he could see what she looked like. When Jennifer came in Howard thought she wasn't wearing a bra because he saw the outline of her nipple. She said she was wearing one though. Kevin said he met her when she interviewed him for USA Today. They hit it off right away and Kevin got her on their first date. Jennifer said that they had spoken on the phone and e-mailed each other before going on that first date though. Before Kevin left he gave Howard some gifts. He wrote 8 issues of the ''Daredevil'' comic books so he gave Howard a statue of the blind superhero. Howard thought that was pretty cool. Kevin also had some action figures of Jay and Silent Bob from the ''Clerks'' movie that he gave to Howard and Robin. Kevin also has a comic book store in Red Bank, NJ that he plugged. It's called Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash.

• Houston & Brad Date Update. 7/23/99. 8:50am
  Porn star Houston and her prom date Brad called in this morning. The two of them hung out last week and gave Howard the details this morning. Houston's voice was shot so she was wheezing her way through the phone call as usual. After doing Howard's show last week they went back to Houston's hotel room. They got changed and went jogging then did some shopping before Houston had to go work at a strip club. Brad hung out at the club and watched Houston do her thing. She had to work until early morning so he would head back to the hotel once in a while to get a break. The first night they slept in separate beds since Houston had to work until 5am. The next day they did a bunch of stuff like going to the World Trade Center and subway rides and cab rides.. Brad finally kissed her in a cab. Later that day they went to the hotel and Brad's mom called. She asked if he and Houston had slept together yet. He said they didn't but then Houston wanted him to shower with her. He didn't do it because he was nervous. Eventually she came out of the shower and laid on him while she was naked. She gave him some fellatio and then had sex. Houston didn't have an orgasm but Brad completed the act. The next night Brad claims that he was too tired to do it with her again because her schedule was too much for him. He didn't sleep with her again during their 3 day weekend together! He claimed that he was too tired each time. That pissed Houston off. She said she left all frustrated and pissed off at him. Brad even made a special trip to the airport to kiss her goodbye but Houston said she was still pissed and only gave him a peck on the cheek. They'll probably still hook up in the future and Brad said this time he won't leave her frustrated. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said he thinks Brad might be gay or something. Ralph said that Brad's only 18, he should have been banging her all weekend. He could sleep after she left. Brad swears he's not gay, he was just tired.

• Long Lost Larry And Mina. 7/23/99. 9:35am
  There's this guy Larry who claims he was best friends with Howard in college. He came in today with this woman Mina who claims she's Howard's cousin. Howard told Larry that he wasn't friends with him and that at the most they were just acquaintances. They did a class project together with 8 other people but never went to any parties or anything. Howard told him to stop going around telling everyone he's friends with him. Then there's this woman Mina. She explained how she and Howard are second cousins and that all is probably true but Howard doesn't really care. His father Ben was on the phone and all of the names Mina mentioned were familiar to Ben. Howard told Mina that he doesn't want anymore family. Howard said that Mina wrote him a couple of letters telling him that one of her family members had died like Howard was supposed to care. He never knew them so why would he do anything about it. Howard said that he believes her story but he doesn't want anything to do with her and she's probably better off not getting to know him. He thinks the only reason she wants to know him is because he's famous. She said that wasn't true. Mina eventually said that she won't contact Howard anymore. Larry asked Jackie if he can come to his end of summer cook out. As they were leaving Jackie made sure to tell Larry that he's not invited to any party.