Howard was practicing for his upcoming Las Vegas trip by playing Blackjack on GoldenPalace.com. He was telling everyone how he'd hit or stand with the hands he was getting. Fred was arguing with him about some of his rules so Howard had to try and explain to Fred how to play the right way. At one point Fred and Howard were arguing and Fred made the mistake of saying ''Alls I know is..'' and Howard goofed on him about that. Fred went nuts when Howard said that Fred was a ''Hillbilly mother f...'' (he didn't finish the F'er). Fred went into a weird hillbilly accent and went crazy for a few seconds. Jackie said he's never seen Fred so animated so early in the morning.
A listener called in and asked Howard who he'd let his daughter sleep with if he had to do it. The choices were:
Howard said his 8 year old daughter had a great birthday party this weekend. She and all of her friends went to a nail salon and had manicures and pedicures done. Howard said he even had a manicure. He said that he now knows why women live so long. They sit down and have a nice manicure and it's very relaxing. Howard said his two older daughters goofed on him over the weekend. He decided to watch ''The Broken Hearts Club'' movie and after he realized that it was all about gays, he didn't want to watch it. His daughters wanted to watch it so he had to sit through it. He later found out that they hated it but wanted to see him squirm through the whole thing. They obviously have his sense of humor.
Brad and Houston came in to and spent a few minutes talking about their relationship. Houston said that she really liked Brad and was in love with him. Things just didn't work out for them and Brad moved back home after finding out he wasn't happy living out in California. Houston said that she taught Brad to be a good lover because he wasn't that great when she first started banging him.
Houston told Howard how she met her husband John at one of these Extreme Vacations that SMS Promotions puts on. It's one of those porn vacations where guys buy their way in to see porn stars working. She met John 2 years ago and nothing really happened. Then she saw him again this year and after the vacation they hooked up. Then, 3 months later, they got married in Las Vegas. Brad said that he wasn't really jealous of this marriage but he kept rolling his eyes and saying ''What ever!'' when Houston would say something nice about John. Howard eventually got John on the phone and spoke to him. He doesn't have a problem with his wife banging other guys. He says it's just business so that's the way it is. Howard said he gives this marriage 6 months.
Brad said he wishes Houston the best with this marriage and he still loves her. He said he thought that she would have waited for him to get his stuff together but that didn't happen. Houston said that she's 31 and he's only 19 so things probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Houston. A couple of guys called her a slut and asked John how he could marry her. She said it's just her job and she won't cheat on her husband.
Brad's mother called in and said that Brad wasn't the only one who was acting clingy. She said that Houston would call him sometimes begging him to come back to live with her. Houston admitted to doing that but it didn't really matter. Brad said the last he heard from Houston was that she was coming to Thanksgiving dinner at his house. She never showed though. Then he found out she was married.
You can find out about all of Houston's projects at any of the following web sites:
Brad said that he's doing electrical work but didn't say who he's working for.After talking about that stuff Howard moved on to the article that was in the Post. The article basically said that Dave Chappelle knocked other acts off stage at this club The Comedy Cellar. He then went on to ''torture'' the audience for an hour. Dave said that you can't torture anyone who pays $5 to get in a club. It also said that he was ranting about how his movie deals have all gone sour and then screamed that he was having a nervous breakdown. Dave Attell was there to back up what Dave C was saying. Attell was the one who was knocked off stage by Chappelle and it was just a bit. Chappelle was doing a bit for Attell's birthday. Attell and Chappelle both said that the story in the paper was all made up and it was probably just someone who wasn't happy with the show that night. Chappelle said that there were a couple of guys heckling him and it was probably just one of them.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guys but no one had anything to say. Howard then asked Chappelle about his kid. He wanted to know what he looked like since Dave is black and his wife is Asian. Dave said he looks like Tiger Woods. Then Howard asked him if he gave the kid an African name. Dave said the kid's name is something like Suleymon, pronounced Sue-lay-mon. Howard was blown away by that and couldn't figure out why someone would torture their kid with a name like that. The kid will be called Sue for his whole life. Dave said it'll give him some character. Howard then brought up some other weird names that people have given their kids. He mentioned one guy who named his kid after the medication Sudafed. Then there was Sy Phillys and Guy Norrhea and a couple of others.
Before the guys left Howard played tape of Elizabeth Taylor screwing up her presentation at the Golden Globe Awards last night. Howard and the guys goofed on her for a minute before Howard ended the segment. Howard said you can find out more about the Daves at ComedyCellar.com
Howard also had a trip to Las Vegas to give away. This guy Double A had called in earlier in the show asking for the trip so Howard gave him a chance to win. He asked ''Which is the black Dave, Chappelle or Attell?'' Double A guessed at Chappelle and got it right so he's going to Vegas courtesy of the UPN TV show ''Gary and Mike''.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked if he could win a trip but Howard ended up hanging up on him instead.
Stuttering John is ready to get massages from strippers while they're out there. He said that he's only married in New York so out there anything goes. He said that if he gets a massage and gives himself his own happy ending, it's not cheating. Howard thinks all of the guys are going to be cheating out there. It will make for a great week of shows.
Howard was talking about some of the games they'll be playing and he mentioned Checkers as being one that a lot of people don't know how to play correctly. He bragged that he goes online and beats people all the time. That led to another discussion about Jackie not understanding why Howard thinks it's so important to know the rules of Blackjack when they go to Vegas to play. He thinks it takes the fun out of the game when you have to play by the rules. Howard and everyone else tried to explain to him that when you play with other people it's important to play by the rules so everyone benefits, not just him. They argued about this for quite a while until Howard eventually had to break.
A listener called in and said he blew a chance with a woman who stripped for him. He said that he installed a phone for her and for some reason she stripped down for him. He said she was gorgeous and she was ''shaved clean''. He said he just walked out because he has a girlfriend. He knows he blew it but wanted Howard to confirm that he actually did blow it. He said she even told him that she'd be there all day if he wanted to go back. He didn't go. Howard told the guy it was a silly call and hung up on him.
Gary and Fred were fighting for some dumb reason during a break. Gary said that Fred called him a horse tooth jackass and he said some stuff to Fred. They seemed to get over it pretty quickly though... after Gary made fun of the crows feet around Fred's eyes.
Howard and KC found hair on the legs of a calendar model. It turns out it was a woman who was in Howard's movie ''Private Parts''. Howard said he wants to get her on the show to find out why she didn't shave her legs for the photo shoot. It was very puzzling to Howard. Howard said she was in the lesbian fantasy scene in the movie.
Howard said the weirdest story in the paper yesterday was one about Britney Spears. It said that she and her boyfriend spent 3 days in some hotel in Rio De Jinero and they didn't have sex. The article said that Britney says she'll be a virgin until her wedding day. Howard thinks she and her boyfriend are full of crap.
Howard asked him about the video and also talked to him about the upcoming Las Vegas trip. AJ told Howard that he has to go to the strip club Olympic Gardens. He said the women there are really hot. He told Howard about one trip he made there too. He went and saw strippers making out with guys but he didn't want that. He asked an asian stripper to just sit down and talk to him without taking off her clothes. He spent some time talking to her and eventually found out that it was a guy in drag. That's not exactly what Howard wanted to hear about a strip club though. AJ said he still doesn't believe that it was a guy. His buddies were told that it was a guy and they passed the info on to AJ. Stuttering John has also been to that club. He told Howard that's one of the places he was able to hook up with two chicks in bed.
AJ has also been to the Playboy mansion where Howard will be recording one of his radio shows from. AJ told Howard some stories about that place too. He said that even the guy who plays Mini Me in the Austin Powers movie got laid there. He wouldn't say who the Playboy model was who screwed him but he said she's a big name. AJ said that Howard wouldn't have any problem getting laid there.
Howard and AJ also discussed what type of women are good in bed. AJ said that the women who know how to use their body and who don't cover up as they're walking around naked are the good ones. He also said that Cuban women are amazing in bed.
At one point Howard brought up some old piece of trivia about AJ. He ended up yelling at Benjy for putting in something so old that AJ didn't want to talk about.
Howard spoke to AJ about what his life is like and how he spent his night last night. It wasn't anything special though. He didn't get laid or anything last night. AJ told Howard that its been a while since he got laid.
A woman called in before AJ left and told Howard she wants to meet him when he's out in Los Angeles. She ended up e-mailing her pictures to Howard so he could check her out. She actually turned out to be really hot and Howard said he'll meet her out in L.A. Howard wondered what she does for a living out there. She told Howard that she won a lawsuit a few years ago and hasn't worked in 3 years. It had something to do with a boss who couldn't keep his hands off of her. She said she got about $250,000 out of that suit. Howard was blown away and said that he'll bring his own $250,000 out to L.A. in case she tries to sue him too.
AJ has a lot going on in his life. He's on E! with his show ''Mysteries and Scandals'' and he'll have his own weekly E! talk show starting in a couple of months. He also has a book that will be out in April called ''Fame, Ain't It A Bitch''.
Howard heard that Drew had a make over to make himself more desirable to women. When Drew came in he told Howard he didn't get a make over, he just had lasik surgery on his eyes so he doesn't have to wear glasses anymore. The National Enquirer reported that he had a full make over but Drew said that's a bunch of crap. He told Howard about the eye surgery and how scary it was. Howard said he would like to have perfect vision but he's afraid they'll screw up his eyes in the process. He said he knows of some people who have had the surgery and they've had problems. Drew said his eyes are fine. Drew told Howard he went to the eye ''doctor of the stars'' who also did Cindy Crawford's eyes. Howard said that stars don't know what they're doing so you never know what will happen. Howard said that he used a contractor to remodel his apartment and now everyone in his building thinks that he knows something so they use the same guy. Howard said he just lucked out picking that guy. Drew said the main reason for getting his eyes done was for safety when riding his motorcycle. He just started riding and wanted to be safe.
Howard told Drew he's not a fan of improv but heard that Drew's show ''Whose Line is it Anyway'' is pretty popular. Howard said he's always scared for the improv guys because he thinks they're going to flop. Drew said the guys he works with are great and it's like watching magic.
Howard asked Drew about his ex-stripper girlfriend that he talked about the last time he was on. He went through the whole story about how they met at a strip club and he asked her out. They started dating and a couple months in he finally got laid. Drew said they're still going out but she moved out of his house. Drew said it was just too much for him to handle so he asked her to move out. He said he cried when he asked her to move out. Drew said that she is doing just fine on her own and she's started her own magazine in Las Vegas about the best clubs to visit. The magazine is called ''What's The 401'' or something like that.
Drew discussed the Pay-per-view that he's doing on Saturday night. He said it's a big pain in the ass. Howard said that he'll never do another one after doing two of them. He said the cable providers take 50 percent of the profits and it's really not worth it. He told Drew that some day the web will take over and the cable companies will be obsolete.. at least that's what he hopes.
Drew also discussed his recent appearance on a WWF wrestling event. He said he just did it to promote his own pay-per-view and he didn't have to worry about getting injured. He explained how this one wrestler Cane was about to throw him down on the mat when Raven saved him. He didn't say that it was all set up but it was obvious that the way he said it meant that it was.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Drew. Most of them joked about him being fat. Howard then wrapped things up and ended the segment.
Howard made a quick announcement saying that Anne Marie has gotten a promotion to Office Manager. Howard said he doesn't know what that means exactly though.
Doug Goodstein, who's out in California setting up for the upcoming week of shows, was on the phone to tell a story today. He ran into Monica Lewinsky last night and told Howard about it. He said he saw her at a restaurant and decided to ask her to come on the show. He said she's a fan of the show but she wasn't sure about coming on. Howard wasn't too thrilled with Doug's story but he sarcastically told him that it was a great story. Gary came in and said that he thinks she'll show up because he's been working on getting her on for about a year.
Howard said he won't have much time to hang out during the Los Angeles trip. He's got meetings set up for movies and his TV shows. Even Gary managed to get a part in Son of the Beach. He and Howard wouldn't elaborate on the part but it's in the same show that Hank the Dwarf will be in. Howard mentioned some of the other special guests that will be appearing in the new season of Son of the Beach also. Neil Patrick Harris who played Doogie Howser will be in one episode where he gets to make out with Jaime Bergman. He sounded jealous as he told the story.
Howard said that they won't be going to see Sigfried and Roy on Saturday night like they wanted to do. The show was canceled for some reason so the guys will be going to a strip club instead.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in while Howard was talking about strip clubs. Howard said that Ronnie has been hanging around with Lonnie from Scores a lot lately so they had a discussion about that. Ronnie told Howard how he's become friends with Lonnie. He now hangs out at Scores with Lonnie eating and getting drunk. He told everyone about a typical night with Lonnie. He said they sit there eating for hours and sometimes Ronnie doesn't get out of there until 4am.
Steve said your best chance at winning is to enter often and let the computer pick the numbers for you. He also suggested entering with a lottery pool of co-workers or other big groups of people who can enter a lot of numbers. Steve told Howard that when he enters sweepstakes he makes sure his envelope is full of glitter to get the attention of the people picking the winners. He thinks that will give him a better chance.
Steve won the chance to kick a field goal in the Rose Bowl but he practiced so much that his leg was too sore to kick the ball. He does win a lot of stuff, just not the big jackpots.
After spending a few minutes listening to this guy Howard wrapped up the interview. He plugged Steve's book ''How to Win Lotteries, Sweepstakes, and Contests in the 21st Century : America's Sweepstakes King'' and ended the call. After the call Howard said that they learned nothing from the call other than common sense stuff like enter often and crinkle your sweepstakes entries.
Howard spoke to Brandi and Sunshine a little bit also. They told him that they work as cocktail waitresses during the winter and move out to serve the pool area during the warmer months. They said they wear bikinis when they're out there. Both Eric and Harry said that there are tons of hot women hanging around the casino all the time so Howard will have a great time.
Howard couldn't stop asking Harry questions. He asked him about getting laid and if he has a huge supply of condoms for all of the women he gets. Howard warned him not to go without one because women would be looking to get pregnant so they could get some of his money.
Eric mentioned that Brandi will be in an upcoming issue of Playboy that will feature women of the Hard Rock Hotel and that will be out on April 1st. You can check out HardRockHotel.com to see their beach cam which runs during pool season. You can see some past photos of the hot chicks that hang out there also.
Howard got to the game and explained the rules to Gary. He has 60 seconds to answer 7 questions. If he beats Fred, he wins $10,000. Here are the 7 questions:
Howard also brought up how strict his father is when they go out to eat. He insists that if they've been to a restaurant in the past that they know what they're going to order before they get there. Just the other day they went out and Ben yelled out his order before the women even got to order. Howard said the waiter was surprised at that and looked stunned as he took the order.
Superfan Bobo called in and asked Howard if he watched ''Temptation Island'' last night. Howard said he taped it so he shouldn't talk about it yet. Bobo didn't listen and mentioned one part. Howard said that Bobo is just stupid. Bobo then started talking about something else while Howard and Robin were talking about the show so Howard hung up on him. Howard continued to talk about how cool ''Temptation Island'' has been so far and how much he enjoys it. Gary said that he thinks the women are getting even hotter as time goes by.
Howard said that their San Diego affiliate KIOZ has been doing ''Temptation Trailer'' where they put a bunch of guys in a trailer and try to tempt them with hot women. If anyone touches the women they have to leave. They also have an answering machine where people try to call in and tempt people to pick up the phone. If they answer it, they have to leave. Howard got the number and tried calling in to get someone to answer. He left a message and just rambled for a minute. No one picked up. Robin wondered what's in it for the radio station. Howard didn't know. You can check it out at KIOZ.com.
A listener called in and asked Howard for his top 10 women. Howard said he'd have to think about that for a while. The caller gave Howard his list instead. Howard commented on each one as he went along. Here's the guys list:
Joey said that he drank some champagne when he got to her room. Leanna said she doesn't drink, she just smelled the champagne. Joey said she was a great lay. He said she moved around the right way and he made as much noise as possible. He said he knew her mother was right outside the door so he wanted her to hear it all.
Crazy Cabbie called in to complain about this guy Joey. He said that Joey and his buddies over at SternFanNetwork.com broke into his e-mail account and stole some half naked pictures of him. Then they put them up on IHateCabbie.com. Cabbie also said he thinks that Joey didn't actually bang Leanna but Joey said he kept the rubber to prove it. He also said it would be up on eBay.com later today. Howard let Cabbie complain for a few minutes and then he checked out the frightening pictures of him at IHateCabbie.com. Howard said they were very disturbing. Cabbie said he uses those pictures to try and pick up women. Cabbie said the guys stole his password and locked him out of his e-mail account for a couple of months. Joey said that Cabbie's password was ''King of Love'' which was pretty funny. Joey didn't admit to doing the password stealing but he said he might know someone who could do such a thing. He said there's software that can pull the password out for you.
Leanna told Howard how she likes her hair pulled during sex so they spent a few minutes discussing that also. She said she likes the feeling of being restrained during sex and she likes her hair pulled hard.
Howard let a few phone callers tell Joey what a pussy he is but they were probably just jealous that he got to bang this chick.
Leanna said that she'll be at Franks Chicken House in Manville, New Jersey this week performing all nude. She lights herself on fire in her show. She said she likes the feeling of fire on her body. Leanna also said that she doesn't know what's going on with her web site right now. She said she doesn't have access to her e-mail or anything on the site so she wanted to apologize to all the fans who have e-mailed her. She can't respond and she doesn't know what to do. She said the site was started illegally without her signing anything so she has to do something about it. Howard told her she has to take that up with the people who host the site. Joey mentioned that SternFanNetwork.com is giving away some Leanna Heart DVDs so you can enter to win over there.
Faye said that she has a very small A-cup right now and she wants to go to a D or a DD cup. Howard told her that she shouldn't go that big because she's a small woman.
Howard asked Bertha if she's ever had any lesbian experiences or anything that would lead her to want to do something like this. She said she hasn't. She has a husband and 4 kids of her own. She's just doing it for her sister.
Dr. Sal Calabro was on the phone to listen in on the event. Sal also suggested that she not go to a huge chest. He said he'll be able to advise her better after he meets her. Howard told Faye that she can only play for a C-cup, nothing bigger.
Howard had Bertha get in position. He said that she has a really nice ass too. Even after 4 kids. She was wearing a g-string so her sister would be able to get to the nugget easier. Faye was very hesitant to do it but with a little bit of nudging from Howard she eventually broke down and went in for the kill. Bertha told Howard that Faye is a vegetarian so eating a nugget isn't right for her. Faye went in and grabbed the nugget with her mouth. Howard just kept saying ''Oh my God!'' as he watched the eating of the nugget. She didn't eat the whole thing because Howard told her she could spit it out. Since she was willing to do this Howard gave her the implants. He then asked each of them what it was like to do this. Bertha said she couldn't feel anything but her sister's nose going in. Faye said that it was like two pillows on her face as she went in. Howard told them that the psychological effects of this horrible experience should wear off in about 6 months. Howard told Dr. Calabro that he won't need to do any liposuction on Faye because she doesn't have any fat on her. You can find out more (and see nude pictures of patients) about Dr. Calabro's work at SalCalabro.com
Howard asked if the manliest of them will get to bang one of the chicks that came with Terry. That was out of the question of course. Howard spoke to everyone for a few minutes and eventually gave his spit sample after scrubbing his mouth out with gum and water. Gary also gave his sample but Howard didn't want to see it happening so he sent him out into the hallway. Terry said that they'll have the results in a couple of weeks.
Terry said that one way you can tell if someone has a high testosterone level is by looking at their chin. If it's large and you have a lot of hair, you probably have a high testosterone level.
Terry told Howard that he has learned various collection procedures while working as a professor. He said he was once on a mission to collect chimpanzee urine out in the jungle. He said that chimps pee when they wake up so they'd stand under the chimps with a vial on a pole and wait for the urine to drip. He said that he's been ''shat on'' and peed on by the chimps.
Howard said that this test proves nothing and he doesn't even know why he's doing it. A couple of callers said that Terry is just doing this to promote his web site and the test doesn't work on just one test. An Endocrinologist called in and told Howard that this guy doesn't know what he's talking about and the single test doesn't work. Terry said that it absolutely does. Howard was wondering if this guy is just going to auction off the spit on eBay or something. Terry said they have a special Howard Stern link set up on his web site MeanGenes.org.
Terry was on back in December to plug his book ''Mean Genes: From Sex to Money to Food: Taming Our Primal Instincts''. You can also check out their web site MeanGenes.org
KC said that he's afraid to fly and he has plans just in case there's a water landing. Howard said ''if you die, you die'' and not to worry about it. He said that he's lived long enough and he shouldn't spend time worrying about it on the flight.
Gary is flying out to Vegas today and Howard wasn't sure why at first. He then said it's because he's married and he needs to escape. Howard wants to bring the Gary Puppet along on their flight so they can goof on Gary even when he's not there.
Howard also has to teach KC how to play poker on the flight out there. At one point KC wondered about the time difference between New York and Vegas. He wondered if it would be earlier when they land than it was when they took off. Howard had to explain to him the way it works. His excuse for not knowing was that he's never flown out to the west coast before.
Howard said he won't be broadcasting the $100,000 bet on the web like he was thinking of doing. He said the web isn't good enough to handle that kind of feed right now anyway.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he's ever attracted to any of his daughter's friends. Howard said that even though she has friends that are 17-18 he never gets that feeling. He said he treats those friends like they're his own daughter. He also said he respects his daughter's friendship too much to lose that.
The caller also asked Howard if his buddy Ralph has ever admitted that he's bi-sexual or anything. Howard said they just had a conversation the other day about that. Howard asked Ralph why so many people think he's gay. Ralph said he's not afraid to look at a guy and say he's good looking but he really just likes chicks.
Howard spent a few more minutes on GoldenPalace.com practicing his Blackjack skills again. He placed a bet and actually won. He then planned on having this woman Tracy on the phone. She's the one that Howard was going to place the bet for. Mike Gange came in and said that she was nowhere to be found. They couldn't find her so Howard told them to find someone else to give the money to. Gange said the woman didn't want a camera on her and she kind of vanished this morning. She'd written a letter to them about how she was kidnapped, raped and all of this other stuff. Howard thinks that she might not be the same girl that was in a newspaper article about the incident. Benjy came in and said that he thought that she might not be the right woman when he first interviewed her but he didn't do anything about it.
Dominic Barbara called in and wondered if he could fly to Las Vegas with Howard. Howard went back and forth on it for about 15 minutes and finally decided to let him go. He knows he'll regret it afterward but he's going to let him go anyway.
Stuttering John came in and asked Greg ''If you had a gun to your head, who would you pick to win?'' Greg finally broke down and said that he'd be surprised if the Ravens didn't win. He said he never roots for a team but now he's saying the Ravens should win. He said it'll be a tight game though. Howard asked him if it'll be ''tighter than a ten year old?'' but that went right over Greg's head. At one point Robin accidentally called Greg Bryant which didn't go over too well. She said she wasn't listening to herself speak and that's why she made the mistake.
Howard asked Greg if he's happy he's in a better career position than his brother is. Greg said that he's very happy to be announcing the Super Bowl. He refused to bad mouth his brother at all.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone and spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Chyna. He told Mike that in her book Chyna says she was raped when she was in college by two football players. Howard was under the impression that she was raped anally but she said it wasn't anal. She'd gotten drunk and passed out. The next day she woke up to a guy who was using her mouth for oral and another guy who was having intercourse with her. She never did anything about it because she was so embarrassed. Howard thought she would have beat the crap out of them.
Howard moved on to let Mike play his game. Here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard talked about some of the other revelations that Chyna has in her book. She straightened him out on the rape story too. Howard said that when Chyna was in 7th grade her teacher gave her her first kiss. She said that the teacher was a married man and even after the kiss he still just gave her a C in class. Howard said there are some old pictures of Chyna in the book and you can see that she has always been a large woman. Howard also goofed on her being so masculine. A bunch of phone callers also goofed on her masculinity. I think all of the phone calls were goofs actually. Someone asked her if she is Nicole Bass' brother.
Howard said Beetlejuice came in dressed as Erkle from ''Family Matters''. He was wearing glasses and tried to look smart. Howard plugged a party that Beetlejuice will be at tonight in Staten Island. He asked Beet where it would be and Beet said Manhattan. Beet was very intent on talking to Robin today. He kept looking at her and sweet talking her. He kept calling her honey and sweetheart through the whole segment.
Howard asked Beet when the last time he got laid was. Beet rambled in his usual way saying that he gets laid often.. but then he said the last time was in 1976. Then he said he was born in 1975.. So he was only 1 when he got laid?
Howard tried to talk to Gary the Retard but it was tough. He said that Gary has gained quite a bit of weight since they last saw him. Howard asked him how much he weighs now and he said 146 pounds. Beet had to do him one better so he said he weighs ''..147 dude!'' Howard also noticed that Gary's new teeth were missing. Gary says that he keeps them in his coat pocket because they hurt his mouth. Beet gave him some advice and told him to get braces to hold them in. Beet bragged that he has his own teeth.
Howard was ready to start the game when Gary said that he watches Jeopardy all the time. He also watches Hollywood Squares. Beet heard that and said that he can get 20 squares when he plays that on his computer. Always bragging..
Howard finally got to the questions and started with Beet. The first three are not a mistake. Howard asked the same question 3 times!
Howard plugged the Beetlejuice thing again and Beet continued to ramble on and on about nonsense as he usually does. Howard took some phone calls and people were saying that this was the funniest thing they've ever heard. One guy suggested they send Beet to Harvard to be studied.
Beetlejuice was talking about how he can beat the crap out of anyone who he doesn't like. Howard asked him how tall he is and he just went crazy. He said that he weighs 825 pounds.. up to 25 pounds.. Then 45 pounds. There's got to be some short circuits in his brain.
A guy called in pretending to be Beetlejuice's wife Katiejuice. (S)he started telling Beet that she was mad at him for not coming home and Beet seemed to think that it was really his wife. He told Katiejuice that he told her he'd be home in 2 weeks. It was very bizarre.
High Pitch Erik showed up because he'll be at the Beet party tonight. He was wearing a rainbow wig with his shirt off. Howard said he was ill just looking at him. Erik said that he and Beet do a thing together. Beetlejuice rides him like a horse. Beet got on his back, after walking out of the studio for a second, and hopped on. Howard was trying to wrap things up but it was tough. He told them to stop but then Beet started smacking Erik. Erik, in his Mickey Mouse voice, yelled at Beet to ''STOP IT!'' Beet told Erik that he was his bitch and told him to shut up. Howard then told Beet to feel up Erik. Erik told Beet that he's a faggot if he feels him up. Then Beet said he'd beat Erik up tonight. Erik said something about not being afraid of ''negros like you'' to him. Howard finally got them to stop and ended the fun.
You can find out more about the Beetlejuice party at JollyDwarf.com and Erik has a new site at HPErik.com
KC had all kinds of ridiculous things they could bet on. Howard got fed up with them after KC gave him ''Who will score first, a black guy or a white guy?'' Howard said they'll be in Vegas betting on all kinds of other stuff so this is nothing.