Howard read a story that he found over the weekend about a guy who killed a dog that he thought was ''gay''. Howard said the story was so interesting that he wanted to come in over the weekend to read it on the air. The article said that the guy might be charged with a hate crime because he thought the dog was gay.
Howard spent a couple of minutes complaining about how sick he is of this Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton always being in the news. He said he was going to read an article about them from US Weekly later in the show to prove how sickening their relationship is.
A listener called in and asked Howard when he's going to do a sequel to ''Private Parts''. Howard said he doesn't think he wants to do a sequel because it takes so much time out of his schedule. It's just too much work for him.
Last Thursday Howard went out to some fashion show that Sandra Bernhard invited him to. He told Robin the story this morning about how he and Ralph ended up going there together. They also brought Howard's buddy Richie Notar. Howard said he didn't go to the fashion award show, he waited until the party was going on after the show to show up. He said he was having trouble finding something to wear and by the time he was dressed and ready to go it was 11:30. They got to the party around midnight and Howard said there was nothing going on. He couldn't find Sandra Bernhard and there were a lot of people trying to take pictures of him. He and the other guys left and went to a club called Lot 61 but there was nothing going in there either. They eventually ended up at another club called Spa. Howard said that was a fun place to hang out. He said at one point Ralph left the table to walk around and didn't come back. Meanwhile Howard and Richie were having fun just hanging out. Then someone came up to Howard and said that Ralph was kicked out for dealing drugs. Howard said he knows that Ralph didn't have any drugs on him when they went there so it had to be a mistake.
Howard said that someone at the club came up to him and told him what was going on and asked him what he wanted them to do. Howard requested that Ralph be let back in but they said they couldn't do that so Ralph was left outside. Howard had Ralph on the phone and he said that Howard should have come out and gotten him back in or something. Howard said he tried but they wouldn't allow it. No one really knows why Ralph was kicked out because they didn't find drugs on him. They just booted him out because someone said they saw him dealing. Ralph said he was offered a lot of different drugs but he didn't even take them from the people. He eventually started calling Howard names on the phone because Howard didn't try hard enough to get him back in the club. Howard threatened to never go out with him again but soon changed his tune. Ralph claims that he's the one who suggested Spa in the first place.
Stuttering John was thrilled that Ralph got screwed over because Ralph did something similar to him at a club one time. Ralph said that was a different situation but John was still happy that Ralph got screwed over.
Crazy Cabbie was in to tell a story this morning. Howard said Cabbie has been having problems with management at the station and he was calling him all the time to give him updates. Howard had to ignore him this weekend but it turns out he had a cool story (according to Howard) to tell. Howard said that Cabbie picked up some woman at a concert and stole her away from her boyfriend. Cabbie said that wasn't exactly true though. He said he rescued her from a guy friend that she was at the concert with. He said she told the guy that they could only be friends and when Cabbie started getting touchy-feely with her he got really jealous. She then took Cabbie away from the guy and the guy got really pissed.
When Howard heard that he wanted to see what this chick looked like so he invited Cabbie out to dinner. It turns out that Cabbie is in love with this chick and he just met her. He told Howard that they spent the night out walking and eating dinner together. Howard said she actually was pretty cute. He was also surprised at how well Cabbie was behaving in front of the woman.
Cabbie's problems with management were also brought up. Last week Howard started a show off talking about how Cabbie had played songs that he wasn't supposed to play while doing an air shift right before his show. It turns out that Cabbie almost got fired over that. He lost that overnight air shift and almost got canned from the station. Howard said all he had to do was stick to a play list and he would have been making $250 a week just doing that show. Now Cabbie says he'll have to beg for money on the subway.
Howard said he was supposed to bring a game with him to the class but he wasn't aware of that. Luckily Ashley brought Candyland with her. He said that while he was playing Candyland with his daughter there were other kids playing Chess with their dads. The way he was telling the story Robin thought that he'd spent the whole afternoon with his kid but it was only an hour. He told Robin that his other kids didn't get him anything and it might be because ''someone'' forgot to remind the kids. Howard said that he made sure to remind them to do something for their mother on Mother's day but they didn't return the favor. Stuttering John said his wife had a bar-b-que for him and gave him a special back massage.
Cabbie told Howard that Erik had trouble getting aroused and Howard said he understands it now that he's seen the tape. There were like 10 other guys standing around plus the camera on him. That would make a lot of people go flaccid. Cabbie argued through the whole segment that Erik did not lose his virginity but Erik thinks he did. They all asked him a lot of questions about the gang bang. Cabbie asked Erik if Dynamite put a condom on him. Erik said she did but Cabbie asked ''How do you put a condom on a rope?'' because he was so not aroused. Dynamite was being very nice saying that he was a nice guy and that he didn't stink like many reports have said. Erik said that he asked her to marry him after the screw but she's already married. She said she'd hang out with him again if the chance came up. Dynamite will be at the Bunny Ranch out in Nevada from June 20-30. That's the place where you can pay to bang her. She said it'll cost you between $500 and $3000 to have sex with her. You can visit DynamitesPlace.com to get more info on her.
Howard kept asking Eric about which famous people he hung out with at school. Eric said he didn't hang with famous people. He told Howard a few names of his real friends and they weren't famous. Howard also heard that Eric's father is friends with President Clinton. Eric said that's true and he even goes to his father's house.
Howard wanted to know how this Romp.com can make money because it doesn't cost anything to go on it. Eric said that once they get the visitors coming then they can work on building advertising. He's also hoping that some of the characters might catch on and there would be merchandizing to go along with that. He mentioned ''South Park'' as being an example of how a web thing turned into a huge hit. Gary came in and said that they're probably hoping that ''Tards'' will become the next ''South Park''. They also have things like ''Mail a 'Ho'' where you can e-mail some kind of animated whore to your friends. They also have a game called ''Booty Call'' where you try to pick up women and also ''Celebrity Pinata'' where you can bash your least favorite celebs. As Howard was wrapping things up Eric plugged a bunch of his buddies for no good reason. Howard said it sounded like an acceptance speech.
Howard killed a little time before band rehearsal. He was talking about watching the induction of the New York Arch Bishop Eagan yesterday. He was saying how the guy was talking about how abortion is wrong and stuff like that.
Later in the show Howard and the band tried the song again. This time they were a little more rockin' but it still wasn't much better. Howard had heard that Tina Yothers' band was goofing on him so he was trying to get the band motivated to rock. It's the song that just doesn't work. They also needed a lot more rehearsing. Jackie's ''Ahhhh Uhhhh Ahhhh'' parts also sucked so bad that Robin had to yell at him to stop singing.
Howard also asked LT about his past drug use and asked if he smoked weed. LT said that weed was never his thing. He said he never wanted to mellow out. He used coke instead. Howard said that weed must be for hippies. LT said that weed is for hippies and guys with long hair who just want to mellow out. LT has been to rehab a couple of times and now he's apparently clean.
Howard asked LT about his current girlfriend and whether or not he's exclusive with her. LT claims he is but Howard doesn't believe it for some reason.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before LT left. There weren't many interesting calls though. The Toughman 2000 show that LT is on airs Friday nights at 10pm on the FX cable network.
Howard asked Mike a lot of questions about what Germany is like now. He wanted to know of Jews are still hated there and why there are no people named Adolf there anymore. Mike claims that his best friend is a Jew and Adolf was actually an Austrian so there may be more of them there. Howard brought up concentration camps and Mike told him that his father died in one. Howard thought he was kidding so he joked that he was probably killed by a Jew or something. Mike said that his father actually fell off a watchtower in one of the camps. Howard still thought he was kidding.. but he wasn't. He was serious. A few minutes later a caller said that it would be impossible for this guy to have had a father in World War II unless he's an old guy. Gary also brought that up and said he'd have to be in his late 50's at least. Mike told Howard that he's 57 so it might just be true. Howard said he didn't look that old.
Howard told Mike that he'd let him ask one big question to bring back to the Germans. Mike asked how big Howard's penis was. Howard told him it's small and he's spoken about that on the air before. He told Mike ''Tell your country 'F-You!' when you go back.''
Howard was wrapping things up when KC came in and said that Mike was there with a really hot chick. He said that she didn't want to come in and Mike didn't want her to come in. It turns out that she didn't speak any english and she was just his photographer. Howard had her come in anyway. He allowed her to take a picture of he and Mike because Mike had to prove that he was on the show. Mike told Howard earlier that he had a bet with his Program Director that he would get on the show and he needed proof. Mike gets one day off of work for winning the bet.
Howard brought in Tina and spent a couple of minutes talking to her. Tina was on ''Family Ties'' when she was a young girl. Howard asked her why she wasn't ever asked to be on Michael J. Fox's show ''Spin City'' like her TV father was recently. She basically told Howard that she's out of acting now and hasn't really kept in touch with Fox. She said they got along fine when they worked together but they didn't stay in touch. She said the only one she really sees is the kid who played ''Skippy'' on the show. She said ''He never goes away..'' Tina told Howard that after ''Family Ties'' she got stuck with some has-been type work and decided that wasn't for her. She then got in to music and now she says she's very serious about the music. She said that her brother writes most of the music and she writes the lyrics. She described her music as having a ''funky'' sound. Howard said he classifies The Losers music as being heavy metal. Tina heard the rehearsals and said The Losers sound awful.
Howard had 3 record industry people in to judge the competition. He introduced each one and pointed out which bands each one has signed to their respective label. First up was Michael Goldstone from Dreamworks. He signed Pearl Jam and Rage Against the Machine and is now working with Buck Cherry. Next up was Craig Kallman from Atlantic Records. He has signed Lil' Kim, Sinead O'Connor Aaliah and.. get this... Stuttering John. He told Howard that everyone has a dark chapter in their life and John was his. He's also working with P.O.D., Taproot, Jewel and Brandi. The third and final judge was David Masse from Epic records. He has signed Oasis, Silverchair and KoRn among others.
Howard explained to the judges that he wants them to look at the two bands like they're the only ones in the universe. They are to think about the look and sound and how it would go over with the kids who are buying albums. He also made sure to tell them that The Losers haven't practiced much and Tina's band practices every day.
Howard prepared to perform and brought in two Scores dancers, Ivy and Shantel, to liven up their act a little bit.
The Losers performed their song and it was the best one yet but that's not saying much. Howard then had Jaded perform before getting the judges thoughts on the song. Jaded performed their song and sounded pretty good musically. Tina had a pleasant sounding voice and the band wasn't bad but.. To everyone's amazement, all three judges said that if they had to pick one of the bands to sign to their label they'd have to go with The Losers! Michael said that the musicianship of Jaded was better than The Losers but The Losers would have a more commercial sound. Craig said basically the same thing. He said that Jaded wasn't bad and Tina was a good singer and the song was ''okay'' but he'd have to pick The Losers as long as they drop Jackie. That was a done deal as soon as Howard heard that. He kicked Jackie out of the band. Finally David told Howard that it was a difficult decision but he'd have to go with The Losers. He also agreed that Jackie had to go though. David also said that there are too many bands like Jaded out there and The Losers would be a better pick.
Robin was confused by the whole thing. She said that these record industry guys either know everything or nothing.. She couldn't decide. Even Howard seemed surprised that all three guys went with his band. Gary found it hard to believe so he asked the judges if there was any ''fear factor'' in their decision. He thought that perhaps they were afraid that if they didn't pick Howard that their songs wouldn't get played on the station. They all said that wasn't a factor at all. Howard also said that he didn't set this up at all. Jaded didn't believe that though.
Howard told Tina that she sounded good but The Losers won. Howard took some phone calls and the Stern fans were pretty much in favor of The Losers also. You can find out more about Jaded at JadedOnline.com. Howard is now ready to take on Keanu Reeves and his band Dog Star and any other celebrity bands that want to take the challenge.
Howard pointed out how pathetic Sharon Stone has become. After failing to have a baby of her own she has adopted a child and is releasing picture after picture of herself and her baby. Howard is sickened by the display.
A woman called in and told Howard that she's ugly. Howard told her it was nice to hear someone who's honest about her looks. He spent the next few minutes talking to her to find out why she's ugly. She described her face as being horrible and said that she weighs 170 pounds and is only 5'2'' tall. She claimed that she runs 4 miles 4 days a week and can't lose the weight. Gary said she's got to be lying about that. She said she's not and that when she went on a diet she actually gained 15 pounds. After a few minutes of this Howard asked her if she was lying about it all. She said she wasn't so Howard told her that she was wasting his time. She then hung up.
Howard also spoke to Russell about how he and Rick Rubin started Def Jam from Rick's college dorm room. Russell said the first time he met Rick he was a member of the Beastie Boys. He went by the name ''DJ Double R''. The two of them put some money together and started the company. Now they're multi-millionaires.
Russell has also done some other things like produce the first ''Nutty Professor'' movie. He said he still hasn't made any money off of that movie.
Howard mentioned that Russell got married at 34 to a woman who was only 17 years old. He didn't have her sign a pre-nuptial agreement and he credits her with helping him out with a lot of his stuff. At one point Howard told Russell to stop saying the things he was saying about her helping out because if and when she leaves him she'll use that to get even more money out of him.
Howard had a lot of celebrity names that he brought up with Russell. He asked him if he was friends with about 20 people. Russell said that he knows quite a few of them but he's really not that close to them.
Howard finally wrapped things up and let Russell plug his 360HipHop.com web site. He said that it crashed when they premiered the site last night so it may still be having problems. Eventually it'll be straightened out and they'll be selling some cool clothing on there.
Howard said that his decision was too important to just blurt out a name as his favorite piece of ass. He said that Carmen Electra came to mind though.
Howard said that there was another guy, Nick, there at the station who has been collecting doody of his own for the past 5 years. He keeps his crap in a garbage can and wanted to show it to people out on the street. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy and said that it was kind of disturbing that someone would do something like this. Even Major Doody said that the guy was a freak. Howard had a camera on the can down on the street and the guy who was standing with it said it kind of stunk. Howard sent the guy down to the street and took a break. After the break he came back and had the guy showing off his can of doody. Howard had the guy show off his can of crap but it was such a dopey idea that he gave up on it after about 30 seconds of it.
There were a total of 10 kids in the Wayans family and they grew up in the projects. They said their father only made about $17,000 a year and managed to support those 10 kids on that money. They couldn't afford such luxuries as toilet paper sometimes so they said they had to use newspaper or paper bags from the grocery store to wipe with. Ouch! They said they'd wet it down to make it a little less irritating.
Howard read that their parents eventually had to sleep in separate beds so they would stop having kids. The guys said that their father actually sold condoms for a living but he didn't use them himself. They think that a lot of the brothers and sisters were mistakes and that they didn't really want to have 10 kids.
The guys told Howard that when their brother first sent for them to come out to L.A. They'd never been on an airplane. The flight they took was on a crappy airline and it actually caught fire on the way there. They thought that was routine for taking a flight and didn't think much of it.
Because the family was so big none of the brothers and sisters have gotten married and had kids. The guys said that they date but don't date celebrities. One of the guys said that it's boring to date celebrities. They don't have any prejudice against dating white women though. One of the brothers said ''It's all pink on the inside.''
Howard let the guys talk a little bit about ''Scary Movie'' and they said reminded Howard that Shannon Elizabeth is in it. He asked them if she actually gets naked in it. She's in a bra and that's about it. Howard asked them if they think her breasts are real or not. They didn't really know but Howard is still wondering about it after she came in and claimed that they were her own.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guys also. Some guy asked who has the bigger penis. From what Howard got from the looks they were giving it seems that Marlon might have the biggest. An angry black woman asked the guys why they make fun of dark-skinned black women in their movie. They said they don't but she argued that they did. She also yelled at Robin for being a ''sell-out''. Howard asked her if she's dark skinned herself. When she said she was Howard asked her if she looks more like Halle Berry or Aunt Jemima. She said she looks like his momma and eventually hung up on Howard. Another caller asked Howard why he's having on the ''second rate'' Wayans brothers. Howard asked the guys if they get that a lot. They said that most families probably get that. They said that they're sure Tito (Jackson) probably has to put up with that crap all the time.
Before the guys left they said that they have to meet Beetlejuice and Hank the dwarf. They love those two. Howard had his ''Beetlejuice for Senate'' commercial parody to play for them since they'd never heard it. He played it and they laughed hysterically through the whole thing. Howard said that Beetlejuice and Hank will be on the show soon to do a ''People's Court'' type of thing together. The Wayans said that Beetlejuice should run for President because he's a superstar.
Howard read a letter to the editor of some newspaper where a woman basically said that Howard promotes the type of behavior that took place in the Puerto Rican Day Parade recently. That's where a group of men were squirting water on women and groping them. The woman also said that she's part of Steve Allen's wacky group that's trying to get Howard off the air.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls to kill some time this morning but he ended up hanging up on most of them because they were so boring and pointless. One caller asked Howard if he will get back together with his wife. Howard said that he doesn't think he will ever be married again in his life. For those of you hoping that Howard and his wife would get back together it doesn't look good.
Peter told Howard that he kills a couple of pets a month. He doesn't do it too much because he doesn't want to get caught. He said he uses a rat poison and feeds it to the pet in a piece of meat. He told Howard he was once able to snap the neck of a ferret that he got his hands on. Howard asked the guy if he ever has sexual feelings for these animals. He said he didn't but then said that he once had the urge to rub himself on a cat but he said it wasn't sexual. He said that it was more like he wanted to hurt the cat with his penis.
Howard took some phone calls and most of the people on the phone agree that the guy is really disturbed and needs to get help. There were a couple who agreed with what he does though. One guy, Andy, said that he kills animals and keeps the skulls as trophies. He was a little more vicious in his killing though. He said he used a baseball bat on a cat one time. Peter said he's tried to use blunt objects on cats but they usually run away. Andy said that he was able to hold the cat with one hand and kill it with the other.
Peter kept saying that he's a rational man and a religious man but it wasn't very convincing. Jessica Hahn called in at one point and yelled at Peter for about 5 minutes straight without shutting up. She said that people like him use religion go cover up their sexual feelings. She was comparing him to preachers and ministers who have sexual hangups.. She knows, she's had experience with at least one. Peter let her yell at him and then told her that he loves her ''..in the name of Christ'' but she didn't want to hear that crap. Howard had to cut her off so he could move to other callers. A few callers brought up bible verses and tried to have Peter explain them but he kept saying that animals are just here for people to either eat or dominate. He called them an afterthought on God's part. A Psychiatrist called in and said that he probably suffers from some form of Bi-polar dysfunction. He also said it's a way for disturbed people to act out the neglect they had as children. He said it represents the love they didn't get as children. Howard wrapped things up and asked Peter how many pets he's actually killed. Peter estimated between 38 and 76.
Howard spent some time catching up with Alice. He found out that she's on a lot of different drugs to help her with her thyroid problems, mental problems and sleeping problems. She seemed a little more mellow than she has in the past.
Howard asked Alice why she wanted to meet High Pitch Erik today. She said that he seems like a nice person and he gets treated like crap by the likes of Crazy Cabbie. She doesn't have anything against Cabbie but said he shouldn't have treated Erik the way he did. Erik came in all dressed up to meet his new friend. Howard reminded everyone that Erik just lost his virginity to porn star Dynamite. Erik plugged the web site where he lost his virginity, RealPornWorld.com, a couple of times like he was probably told to. Alice said she's not looking to be Erik's girlfriend or anything. She's just going to be a friend to him.
Howard started taking phone calls for Alice and that always leads to her yelling and screaming at the callers. She was pretty mellow for a while but when people started bad mouthing her and calling her fat and ugly she started to go a little crazy. There were also a couple of callers who complained about Erik coming on to them while they were on AOL. Erik denied it but these guys swear that he was telling them that he liked their pictures. King of all Blacks called in and said that Alice must be a virgin. He was right. She ended up calling KOAB fat and ugly so he called back a short time later to yell at her. The two of them went at it for a little while before Howard cut off KOAB.
Benjy, who went out with Alice once, came in to profess his love for her. He started to sing a song but Howard cut him off after about 5 words. He had to kick him out of the studio because he was just acting like an idiot.
Alice and Erik are going to take in a movie later today and just hang out for a while. There won't be anything sexual happening between the two of them.
Howard asked Sam if he's been getting laid since he's become such a big star. Sam said that he's been married for about 20 years now and she's got him locked up pretty good. He told Howard that he just did his first big love scene for the movie ''The Caveman's Valentine''. He said his penis was out during the shoot but doesn't know if it'll be in the movie. Howard said he must be pretty proud of it to show it in a movie. Sam said ''I'm no mushroom man.'' Howard said that he's not a mushroom either. He's more like an acorn while Sam is more like a hose.
Howard heard that Sam had problems with director John Singleton during the shooting of ''Shaft.'' Sam said that they had some creative differences and they may have argued some but he doesn't hate the guy. Sam said that Singleton wanted Shaft to be more of a superhero while he wanted him to be more of a normal guy like he was in the old ''Shaft.''
Now that ''Shaft'' is so big Howard said Sam will be able to raise his fee for doing movies. Sam said that his agent will be in charge of doing that. He told Howard that he got about $8 million to do ''Shaft'' which seemed to surprise Howard.
Howard also brought up Sam's past drug use. Sam no longer uses drugs and he doesn't drink. He had some major problems with both. Gary came in and said that he heard that Sam has a hole inside his nose from the use of cocaine and he keeps it to remind him not to do it anymore. Sam said that's true and the hole actually whistles at night when he's trying to fall asleep. He said that annoys him once in a while.
Howard wanted to know if Sam has any famous friends but Sam said he's a boring guy who usually just stays home. He does go out to strip clubs once in a while though.
Howard also had notes that said Sam was tossed out of college for kidnapping the trustees of the college he was going to. One of the guys that was kidnapped was Martin Luther King Sr. Sam said they let him go because he was sick at the time. Sam said they did it to protest the fact that there were no black studies programs at the college. He got booted from school for a year and a half but went back and eventually graduated.
Howard read that during the filming of ''The Negotiator'' Sam actually did a stunt where he hung out the window of a 22nd floor window. Sam said he was strapped in but he was actually hanging out 22 stories up. Howard said he'd never do something like that no matter what. He said he's afraid to look out the window of his apartment.
Howard asked Sam about the next ''Star Wars'' movie. Sam said that they begin shooting on July 6 in Australia. Howard told him that he didn't care much for the last one and is hoping that there's more of a story with the next one. Sam doesn't know much about it but said he has some big fight scenes himself. He said he trusts George with the script. He actually asked to be in the last one and said he would have been happy to just be a Stormtrooper.
Howard remembered a story about Sam getting his leg stuck in a New York subway once. Sam said it happened about 10 years ago and his ankle got stuck in the doors as he was getting off the subway. He got dragged down the platform and into a tunnel before the train was stopped. He had to have his knee totally reconstructed and only got a $400,000 settlement from the city. He said the jury didn't feel that sorry for him because his popularity was growing in the movie industry. Sam said that his lawyer found out that 22 people had been dragged by subways that year and it's a common occurrence.
Howard took a few phone calls and wrapped things up with Sam. One caller asked him if he thinks OJ is guilty. Sam said he doesn't know because he wasn't there.
Howard brought up the fact that comedian Dennis Miller has been chosen to be one of the Monday Night Football announcers this season. He said that Dennis is a funny comedian but he's not going to do well on MNF. He said that he's a ''gigantic A-hole'' and Al Michaels won't put up with it for more than 3 games. He said that Miller is really funny on his HBO shows but you have to be in the mood for him. People won't want to listen to his dopey comments during the football games.
Howard saw the new movie ''Me, Myself and Irene'' last night. He said the movie was funny but it lasted a little too long. He said it ran about 2 hours and some of the jokes were redundant. He said that he'd cut out about a half hour of stuff and he'd have a great film. He even suggested that they do that with the movie before it opens today. Jackie didn't make it to the movie last night because he says he was working on his next album which will be called ''F-Jackie.'' It's due out in August.
Howard was ready to sign a petition for the actors union AFTRA this morning. He said he supports the strike against the poor wages actors get for doing commercial work. He thought he had the petition there to sign but it was just an example of some of the other celebrities who have signed it so far. Stuttering John said that his wife is affected by the strike because her ''Mrs. T's Pierogies'' commercial might be stopped after August. He explained to Howard why it might be canceled because of the strike but Howard thought he was nuts. John also brought up the fact that his wife is pregnant again but they didn't spend any time on the subject. He'd already announced it on his own ''Out To Lunch'' show the other day.
Howard is going to the K-Rock Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert later today and he'll be going by helicopter. He and his guests will be flying in because he can't leave early enough to drive all the way to the New Jersey location. Stuttering John may also fly in with Howard because John is going alone. There's only enough room for a total of 8 people to fly and Howard has 6 of those spots taken for his group. Everyone spent a few minutes talking about the concert. Gary said that they're going to have a courtroom set up at the concert so they can sentence anyone who gets arrested there. He said that they've tried this at other events and it seems to work so it's being tested at the DFP.
Howard had some wack pack members waiting to come in. Hank the dwarf, Crackhead Bob, Joe Cancer, Gary the retard and High Pitch Erik were all there. Elephant Boy is no longer associating with the show so he wasn't there. Howard brought in Hank first. Hank was sloppy drunk already. He didn't even know what time he got up today. Howard spoke to Hank for a couple of minutes and asked him if he'd like to do this gang bang thing. He agreed to it pretty easily.
Up next was Joe Cancer. He was married at one time so he has had sex in his life and it's not that big of a deal for him. He said he'd like to have sex with the porn stars but doesn't want to do it on camera. He decided not to do it but said that he would stand by and watch.
Crackhead Bob also said he doesn't want to do it. He said that's just not something he'd do. He then revealed that he has a girlfriend that he met ''1-2-3 weeks ago'' at an ''fday fday deeting'' which translated into ''AA Meeting''. That's right, Crackhead Bob is in Alcoholics Anonymous. He has been seeing this woman for a couple of weeks now. Howard asked him if she's a white woman and if she has all of her limbs. Bob says she is and does. He also said he'll never bring her on the show. Everyone is curious to see what she looks like.
Next was Gary the Retard. He came in all happy and loud like he usually does. Howard had the girls show him what he might be getting. Gary said to them ''Come on baby, Show ME!'' 47 year old Gary said that he would love to have sex with these women. He's still a virgin at 47! Howard said he'd like to let him do it but it might cause some problems legally. He had to think about it for a while.
High Pitch Erik just had sex for the first time last week and he's looking forward to doing it again with Alexandra. He came in and said that he's in. Hank said that he'd rather have Gary the retard in the gang bang rather than Erik. Crackhead Bob said that's because Erik's a ''Daggot.''
Everyone was wondering where Beetlejuice was this morning. Howard said that he was missing in action and didn't come in today. B'juice called in a little later but his phone connection was so bad that Howard had to hang up on him.
After thinking about it for a while Howard had to tell Gary that they weren't going to allow him to participate in the gang bang. There are too many legal questions in their minds and they don't need the trouble so he's out. Gary was a little upset when he found out. Gary said it looked like he just found out that there was no Santa Claus. Stuttering John asked Gary if he knows there's no such thing as Santa. Gary said that he found that out when he was a little kid.
Alexandra said that when this video is available you can purchase it from WackPackVideo.com. Alexandra will be dancing at The Flesh Club in Los Angeles and at Crazy Horse in San Fransisco sometime in the near future.
Howard got right to the game so they could get that out of the way. Howard thanked Mike Walker and the National Enquirer for the story they just wrote which basically credits him with the lesbian and gay openness in Hollywood entertainment. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a little while longer talking to Joe. Howard brought up Joe's daughter and how he doesn't really want her in the ring fighting. Joe said he feels that way about all of his kids. Muhammad Ali's daughter has been bad mouthing Joe's daughter and he's not too thrilled about that either. He thinks that she's just doing the same thing Muhammad did to him when they were fighting each other.
Howard also brought up a lawsuit that Joe recently lost against the city of Philadelphia. He sued them because he was falsely arrested for drunk driving and claims that excessive force was used on him when he was arrested. Joe said that he lost it but still likes the cops because they've got a tough job to do.
Joe also told Howard that he thinks that Muhammad Ali's Parkinson's syndrome is God paying him back for bad things he's done in his life. A short time later he was saying that he was willing to bury the hatchet with Muhammad because it made good business sense. He said that while winking at Howard.
Before Joe left his son Marvis came in for a quick minute. He used to box but has become a Minister. He said he got 3 signs from god that made him get out of boxing.
Four hot chicks showed up at the station this morning. They wanted to get tickets to the big concert that Howard is going to this afternoon. Howard let them come in but said that he didn't have any tickets to give away. The girls all drove 7 hours from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania just to attempt to get the tickets. Some of the girls were ''way hot'' according to Howard. Eventually Gary was able to scrounge up a few tickets for the girls if they were willing to take off their tops. They said they'd do anything for the tickets so that was the deal. One girl backed out immediately so the deal was for 3 of them to show breasts for 4 tickets. They were very hesitant to do it so Gary finally gave them 30 seconds to do it or they were out. He counted down and by zero they hadn't taken off their tops. They tried making more deals but both Howard and Gary said that was it and they were out. They all got kicked out but a really hot black chick managed to get one of the tickets because Howard thought she was so hot. Howard said that her ticket should be taken away from her though. Gary said that he thought that was the best thing to do because the girls were all being wise-asses and whining. Howard told Gary to find the most heinous, ugly chicks he could find out on the street and give them the tickets just to teach these girls a lesson.