Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 11/9/98 to 11/13/98

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-- Friday November 13, 1998 --
• Cindy Margolis Plays Strip Homeless Game. 11/13/98. 7:10am
  Cindy Margolis, the most downloaded woman on the internet, came in to play a game with Howard. It was just going to be a homeless question game but it turned into a strip game. The person who was being asked questions wasn't a homeless person though. The woman was an aspiring Playboy Playmate who was kind of dopey. Howard spoke to Cindy for a few minutes and found out that she got married in September. Howard and Robin didn't really believe that she's the most downloaded woman on the internet. She doesn't even have any nude pictures, they're just bikini shots. You can see for yourself at www.cindymargolis.com. Cindy agreed to play this game and if she guessed wrong she'd take off clothes until she was down to her bikini. She only had a shirt and skirt on so it didn't take long. To extend the game Howard thought that Cindy could change outfits or something like that when she answered wrong. Instead of that Cindy's beautiful friend Elisa came in and took off some clothes. Here are the questions:

  Question	Cindy Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  How many boroughs are in New York City?	N	Five	Y
  How many planets are in our solar system?	N	Two hundred	N
  How many days in a year?	Y	365	Y
  Who wrote ''The Cat In The Hat''?	N	Dr. Seuss	Y
  Is Canada North or South of the United States?	N	North	Y
  Name one brass musical instrument.	N	Guitar	N
  How many donuts are in a bakers dozen?	Y	Twelve	N
  What does CIA stand for?	Y	Commission International Association	N
  Where is the Eiffel Tower?	Y	London	N

  Cindy was down to her bikini by the fourth question. After that Elisa came in and resisted taking her clothes off because her bra was see through. The rest of the crew were also taking clothes off. Gary took his shirt off and Howard said Cindy had a look of disgust on her face when she saw his big fat belly. Jackie said Gary had bigger breasts than Cindy! Howard had his pants off by the 6th question. By the 9th question Robin wanted to stop playing because she had no desire to take her clothes off. Howard decided to end it but it would be a all or nothing question. Everyone answered the same way so everyone would have to strip if they lost. As you can see below, everyone had to strip down to underwear. Not only that but Cindy and Elisa agreed to stand in a pool of water and wet each other's t-shirts down. The biggest news was when Robin pulled her jacket off for a split second and showed her massive chest. She was still wearing a bra but that's the closest anyone will get to seeing Robin naked. All of the guys were impressed with how good Elisa looked and they loved seeing the two of them wetting each other down. After the water thing Howard offered them plugs if they kissed each other. They didn't want to do it but they did say they'd kiss Howard. It sounded like both Cindy and Elisa tongue kissed Howard pretty deep. Howard said he had to pull back. They didn't just do it once either. They ended up kissing a couple of times then had Howard close his eyes to see if he could guess who was kissing him. Howard guessed wrong but who cares? Howard was loving it. This segment is supposed to air next Saturday night on ''The Howard Stern Radio Show'' syndicated show.

• The Mike Walker Game With Wet Set Girls. 11/13/98. 8:35am
  These two women, Desiree and Cassidy, from ''Wet Set Magazine'' came in to piss themselves in front of Howard. They were originally going to sit on Howard's lap and do it but Howard didn't want to do that. Before they got around to that Howard had them play the Mike Walker gossip game. Mike calls in each week with stories from his National Enquirer gossip column. Three of the stories are true and one is false, try to pick the false story.
  1. Bob Goen from Entertainment Tonight has been complaining that his co-host Mary Hart has better lighting than him. The producers told him to keep his mouth shut.
  2. The worlds richest man, the Sultan of Brunai, offered Monica Lewinsky $1million to have dinner with him.
  3. Steven Spielberg almost died after drinking a $1000 bottle of wine. He was allergic to some of the ingredients and his throat started to close up.
  4. Arnold Schwartzenegger was asked to help open a stuck window. He tugged on it so hard that it came open and broke the glass. It turns out the window wasn't stuck, it was locked.
  Desiree and Cassidy and Fred chose number 4 as the false story. Robin, Jackie and Howard all chose number 2 as the false story. The actual false story was number 2.

  After the game Howard spoke to the urinating girls for a couple of minutes then had them go over to the pool of water to wet themselves. They stalled for a few minutes but eventually got around to pissing their pants. Cassidy didn't have a problem wetting herself. KC said you could see the urine dripping into the pool. Desiree never did get around to wetting herself. She was trying hard but it wouldn't come out. Howard had to give up on her after a few minutes. This has become a popular thing for some odd reason. Penthouse magazine features ''golden showers'' as do other porn magazines. It's just weird. Howard took some phone calls from some people who actually enjoy this stuff. There were a couple who called in and said it was just plain dumb. If you are interested in this type of thing check out www.wetset.net

• Howard Decides On Melissa Rivers Wedding Gift. 11/13/98. 9:30am
  Howard has been trying to decide on a wedding gift for Joan Rivers' daughter Melissa. Howard, Robin and Gary were all invited to the wedding so they've been trying to decide on what to give. Howard and Robin are figuring on spending about $1000 and Gary $300. Gary got a list of Melissa's gift registry from Tiffany. If Robin were to buy ONE place setting for melissa's china it would cost her $1035. Gary could buy one salad spoon and it would cost him $300. Then Howard thought that they could do something else on the show to give Melissa a gift. He thought that they could get one of those air chambers that blows the money around and the person has to see how much she can grab within a set amount of time. Howard said they could put all of their cash in there and maybe mark each of their bills so they get back whatever Melissa doesn't get. By the end of the discussion it sounded like Howard was just going to give Melissa a $1000 check. Robin is going to pick out some kind of gift for her. Who knows what Gary will do. The reception dinner is going to cost $600 a plate so if you go by the etiquette book he should give like $1200 but he doesn't have that kind of money to throw around.

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  -- Thursday November 12, 1998 --

• Chris From ''High Times'' Calls In. 11/12/98. 6:55am
  One of the editors from the pot magazine ''High Times'' called in to promote the upcoming ''Canibus Cup.'' 22 year old Chris became an editor after just 3 months of working at the magazine. This Canibus Cup thing is held over in Amsterdam, Holland on Thanksgiving week each year. Over in Amsterdam marijuana is tolerated so they hold the cup over there. Jackie, a pot smoker himself, has thought about going over there but he doesn't want to miss Thanksgiving with his family. Jackie also said he doesn't know if he could handle the amount of pot the judges have to smoke. Chris said that you have to smoke about 30 different types of pot a day during the judging. Howard must have spent about 35 minutes talking with this guy. Howard took some phone calls during the segment. One guy was smoking some pot and almost choked to death on the smoke. Chris even did a bong hit while he was still talking with Howard. You can find out more about this Canibus Cup by calling 212-219-7000.

• Leslie West Calls In. 11/12/98. 7:50am
  Howard's old buddy Leslie West called in to plug an appearance he's making. Leslie was the lead guitarist in the band Mountain years ago. Most of the segment was Leslie telling a story about how he hooked up with his current girlfriend. He went into too many details and dragged out the story way too long. Leslie has had problems in the past with getting an erection. That was caused by his diabetes problem. He used to have shots that he could give himself to get aroused and then he had pills he could put inside his penis that worked pretty quick. Now he's using Viagra and he's working just fine. Bloated attorney Dominic Barbara called in at one point to tell a story about Leslie. Dominic is representing Leslie in his divorce. He and Leslie went to a meeting with the other lawyer in the divorce and Leslie ended up getting into a fight with the other guy. He rolled around on the floor and ended up breaking the guy's glasses. Dominic said that after all of that happened Leslie asked him ''So how do you think I handled that?'' Dominic thought that was pretty funny. Leslie is playing at Life in Manhattan this Saturday night.

• Evaluating Danny The Blind Guy. 11/12/98. 8:30am
  This blind guy by the name of Danny wrote a letter asking Howard to evaluate him to see if he's Playgirl material. The guy came in today to be judged by Ralph, Janine the intern and Robin. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Janine. She's the intern who interviewed El Duque so Howard replayed that tape today. Her choice of men also came up so they spent a while talking about that. Janine only likes Italian guys for some reason. She said she won't date anything but Italian. After that Danny came in to get evaluated. Danny was hit in the head by a baseball bat when he was 12 years old. That detached his retinas so he hasn't been able to see since then. He's now 30. His friend came in with him and told Howard that Danny has a pretty big penis. He said he doesn't really look at it but he's seen the impression of it in his underwear. Danny pulled down his pants to reveal some of his body for the judges. Howard said the guy was in pretty good shape but Ralph managed to pick the guy apart pretty good. Ralph noticed a couple of really bad tattoos that were on Danny's back. He had a Mighty Mouse lifting weights and a tiger ripping through the skin. Danny is 5'4'' tall and weighs 170 pounds. Ralph told him that his legs were too stubby and his stomach is chubby. He also said that he has a dumpy ass. Ralph gave him a rating of 5. Janine said the guy is pretty good looking but he's balding and his eyes are pretty freaky. She agreed with Ralph about the guy's legs being to short. Janine also gave him a 5. Robin didn't pick him apart too badly but she did say that he's not in great shape. Robin gave him a 6. Needless to say he won't be showing up in Playgirl magazine.

• Pat Cooper Visits. 11/12/98. 9:15am
  Comedian Pat Cooper came in to hang out with Howard and Robin during the news segment of the show. Pat was all fired up as usual. He was freaked out that Benjy the intern did a pre-interview with him. Howard thought it would be a good idea so he could lead him into anything he wanted to talk about. Pat was just surprised that they'd do that for the first time ever. He and Howard also talked about the recent Friars Club roast of Drew Carrey that aired on Comedy Central a couple of weeks ago. Howard said Pat was the funniest comedian on the whole show. Pat said that when he went to the roast he asked Richard Pryor ''Richard, when are you gonna die?'' How's that for shocking the hell out of someone? Pat hung around for about half of the news before leaving. Pat will be appearing at the State Theater in Easton, PA tomorrow night.

• The 31 Year Old 10 Year Old? 11/12/98. 10:25am
  This person called in claiming to be a 31 year old woman who wants to get a man. As soon as everyone heard this person's voice they all thought that it was a 10 year old boy doing a phony phone call. It really did sound like a young boy talking in his regular voice, goofing on Howard. Howard questioned the person about everything from gynecologists to fallopian tubes and he couldn't trip him or her up. If this is a young boy he sure knows a lot about women. She/he claims to have a c-cup breast and is 5'1'' tall. It kept saying ''man'' like someone from the '60's. Howard asked when she was born and she responded quickly with ''1967'' and when asked about graduating high school she said ''1985.'' Those dates are right on for a 31 year old. Howard said that if she is a young boy then he's a genius for knowing all of this stuff. Howard eventually decided to let the person come in to the studio so they could see for themselves. This should be interesting if it happens. The person said that she could be down tomorrow so tune in to find out the truth.

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  -- Wednesday November 11, 1998 (Replayed on Master Tape Theater Marathon November 19, 2012 and Sunday, April 7, 2013) --

• Janine Interviews El Duque. 11/11/98. 6:55am
  Janine the intern went out and got an interview with this dude from the NY Yankees. His nickname is El Duque(spelling?) and he doesn't speak english very well so they had to use an interpreter. Janine asked questions like ''Do you wish you made as much money as Mike Piazza?'' and ''If you had to pitch for Fidel Castro would you bean him?'' The interpreter eventually got offended and stopped interpreting for Janine. He told her that they weren't important questions so he stopped them. Janine kept yelling out questions but the guy wouldn't interpret. El Dukay came from Cuba in a boat so Janine asked something about how he made doody while he was on the boat.

• Director Michael Moore Calls In. 11/11/98. 7:00am
  Director Michael Moore who did the documentary movie ''Roger and Me'' called in to promote his new TV show. The show will air on the Bravo cable channel starting next April. Moore told Howard that he's been going after the FCC about the fines they had against Howard a couple years back. The fines were dropped when Infinity broadcasting made a donation in the same amount, $1.8 Million, to the FCC. Moore is trying to get that money back for Infinity by telling the FCC that Howard's references to penis are ridiculous because when the whole President Clinton thing came out all of the TV stations were talking about penis, vagina and cigars going into vaginas. They were doing that in the prime morning time between 6 and 10am. Moore said that he's heading back to the FCC today to find out whether or not they're going to give back the money. If they don't he wants the FCC to revoke the license of MSNBC who was the worst offender. Howard and Michael also spoke about how Michael was dropped from ''The Tonight Show'' when he refused to censor some of his material when he was working for the show. The subject of Imus also came up. Howard told Michael that he should investigate Imus' claims of having 160 radio stations because Howard thinks that he only has about 60. Howard said that Imus' show charges advertisers based on how many stations he has so they may be getting scammed. It sounded like Moore was into doing a story on that so we'll have to see what happens.

• Rapper Ice Cube Comes In. 11/11/98. 7:40am
  Rapper Ice Cube came in to promote his new album ''Vol. 1-War & Peace.'' Ice Cube came in with a bunch of his posse. There was Big Keybo, Brother Ron and a huge guy they call Big Hercules. Howard was amazed by Big Herc's 22 inch arms. Howard said one of Herc's arms is bigger than Ally McBeal (Calista Flockhart). Ice Cube and Howard talked about stuff like how Ice grew up in South Central Los Angeles and how he wanted to kill some guy who ripped off $20 from his mother. Ice Cube is 29 years old and married to a woman he met in a mall. Howard also spent a lot of time talking to Big Keybo about being in a gang. Ice Cube is working on a movie with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg now.

• Roseanne Comes In. 11/11/98. 8:30am
  Comedian/talk show host Roseanne came in to promote her syndicated TV show today. Howard noticed that Roseanne has dropped quite a bit of weight and looks half the size that she used to. She had her stomach stapled shut so she wouldn't eat as much and it seems to be working. Howard said Gary had a weird thing happen to him with Rosie in the green room. He went to shake her hand but she told him that she's very germ-phobic and isn't shaking hands anymore. She was willing to hug him though. She did the same thing with Ice Cube. She has to explain to everyone why she's not shaking hands. She says that she's suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder like Howard used to. Howard told her how he was cured by Dr. John Sarno and his book ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection.'' Roseanne also suffers from multiple personalities. What a mess! Howard said that he wanted to have a reunion between her and her ex-husband Tom Arnold but Roseanne didn't want to do it. She said that she doesn't think she'll ever see him again. She separated from her current husband for a few months but she's back together with him now. She kicked him out of her house because he woke her up after she told him not to one time. Howard and Roseanne also spent a little bit of time talking about her kids working on her show.

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  -- Tuesday November 10, 1998 --

• Robin's Apartment In Architectural Digest. 11/10/98. 6:10am
  Howard spent a little while talking about how fancy Robin's apartment is. He knows this because it's featured in Architectural Digest. She has a bunch of antique chairs and crap and furniture with names that I've never heard of before. I don't know what issue this article is in but it might be worth looking for. Later in the show Jackie put on his Robin voice and read parts of the article. Robin really has a lot of stuff in her duplex apartment. She has fancy couches, chairs and tons of horse related stuff. Howard said they'll have to do the reading tomorrow morning since there's so much to read.

  Ralph called in and said Robin's place is nice but you can't sit on anything. Robin said she sits on everything. She said that Ralph is just afraid. Ralph said that Robin told him not to sit on some things. Robin said she never told him not to. Ralph said she has museum quality stuff in there. He said you don't want to touch anything.

  Howard said he may have to read this article on the air. Robin said that's trouble. Howard asked Robin about some of the furniture she has and how much it cost. Robin said there were some antiques there. Howard read about more of Robin's stuff and talked about how much of a fortune she must have spent in there. Howard said that's some apartment she has. Ralph said you're afraid to eat because you're afraid of dropping something on the carpet. Robin said that's ridiculous and he had eaten there.

  Howard asked Ralph what he thought of the chick he introduced him to yesterday. Ralph said she was cute and had a nice body. He asked about the rain coat she had on. Howard said she was cold. Howard said she took it off later. Howard said they have some TV shows they were pitching and they brought this actress they brought with them. Howard said she was really cute but he had to get away from that. Howard said he went home and pleasured himself thinking about her.

  Howard said he and Ralph watched gay porno together. He said it was him, KC and Ralph. Jackie said that's a shocker.

  Howard said that chick who came in there with a penis, Gia, had a porno so he watched it with KC and Ralph. Howard said Robin has to see this too. Howard asked Robin if she has anything modern in her apartment. Robin said she does and you can see it right there.

  Howard asked Ralph what he was doing last night. Ralph said he just got in from Scores. Howard asked when they're going to do the Chuck Norris bachelor party. Gary said as soon as he says book it he'll do it. Howard told him to book it. Gary said they should be able to do it in a couple of days.

  Howard said that he went to a bachelor party with his brother-in-law and he ended up smoking some pot in the car with him.

  Howard said he didn't have Jackie back in the room with him during that porno. Howard said he did see Jackie kissing Ralph though. Jackie said he just gave him a little kiss. Howard said he was kissing his neck. Ralph said if Howard wasn't around he would have gone for the mouth. Jackie said he kissed him on the cheek and Howard told him to do it again.

  Howard said they were watching Gia with the penis and they watched almost the whole thing. Howard said the girl Gia was with looked like a man but it was an actual woman. Howard said he would like to see Gia perform oral on a man but he was doing a girl. He said it was absurd. KC said that he had a bit of a frank chopper during that movie. He said he felt so disgusted. Howard said he thought he was getting disgusted. Howard said he had his legs spread on the couch.

  Howard asked when he got chubbed up. KC said he was torn and wasn't sure what to think. He said it wasn't the full fledged thing but he felt some blood down there. KC said she had some big cans but then you see the thing down there. He said he was disgusted but confused. Howard said he thinks KC is full fledged gay.

  Howard said they all went back to talk and then he saw he had that movie. He wanted to see it so they watched it. Howard said they fast forwarded to the Gia part. Howard said she whipped off her dress and it ruined it when she showed she had a penis. Howard said you think she's a chick before that.

  KC said he's the only one being honest there about the chubbing up thing. Fred played the ''What a fag!'' clip while he was talking about that. KC laughed. Howard said that's Gay-C.

  Howard said he had to go. Ralph told him not to hang up. Howard said Ralph does this to him in his personal life too. He said he won't let him hang up. Howard said he has to go. He hung up and went to break.

• Joan Rivers Comes In. 11/10/98. 7:50am
  Joan Rivers came in to plug her new book ''From Mother to Daughter : Thoughts and Advice on Life, Love and Marriage'' this morning. Joan came in with her manager Dorothy and a fur coat. The funniest part of the whole thing was that Joan said she's not able to close her eyes because of a treatment she had for getting rid of wrinkles on her face. The stuff they used, Botox, is some kind of poison that paralyzed her eye lids so her eyes are open all of the time. Joan said that it's temporary and it's worth the discomfort. She must look like a mannequin. Howard said her eyes glistened when he saw her. Joan has to put some kind of stuff in her eyes to keep them moist since she can't blink. Joan is a big fan of plastic surgery, as you can tell if you've seen her lately, and this is just another way of bringing back her youth. Joan's daughter Melissa is getting married soon and she wanted to know of Howard was planning on coming. Howard's not going because Kathie Lee Gifford is invited and it would be too uncomfortable. Robin said she'd be going though. Joan also had a story about how fatso(Joan's word) Monica Lewinsky has become a celebrity. Joan went to this restaurant Twenty One for her boyfriend's daughter's birthday. They had about 12 people and they usually get a nice round table to sit at. This time they were seated back to back at a couple of rectangular tables and it wasn't very comfortable. Joan said she looked over at the nice round table and saw Monica Lewinsky laughing it up with a bunch of her friends. Joan was upset about that because Lewinsky will probably only go there one time but Joan and her man are regulars there. After that story Howard spoke to Joan about her book. The book, ''From Mother to Daughter : Thoughts and Advice on Life, Love and Marriage'', is a small sensitive book with Joan's advice to her daughter. She wrote it so Melissa could get the advice before she gets married. Some of the advice that Howard quoted was
  • ''Never go to sleep angry.''
  • ''Be aware of all the good things you are blessed with.''
  • ''Try everything once.''
  The ''Try everything once'' caught Howard's attention. He spent a few minutes asking Joan about what ''everything'' includes. Joan said that she was very open to everything when she was married to her husband Edgar. So Howard figures that everything includes anal sex, sex with a german shepherd and strapping on a fake penis to screw her husband.

• Luke Perry Comes In. 11/10/98. 8:30am
  Actor Luke Perry came in to plug a couple of things today. Luke is returning to ''Beverly Hills 90210'' this week and he's appearing at Planet Hollywood in New York this afternoon. The first thing Howard brought up about Luke was his smile. That led to them talking about how bad their teeth are. Luke was missing 8 teeth when he started on 90210 years ago. Now he's got tons of fake teeth in his mouth. Howard said that he's had a lot of tooth work done in the past few years. He said he had a bunch of his bad bottom teeth just pulled out and replaced. Howard's mother wouldn't let him have braces when he was a child because she thought it would loosen his teeth. Howard also asked Luke if he's dating Calista Flockhart from ''Ally McBeal.'' Howard gets some weird facts from the web about his guests. Luke is married but he was at one of the World Series games with Calista. It was a publicity thing for Fox though. Howard thought that Calista's publicist had done a brilliant thing by having Calista eat on camera during that game. Calista has been featured in a bunch of tabloids because she's so skinny. Howard figured it was set up by her publicist to make it look like she's not anorexic. Luke said he had no knowledge of that happening. Howard also asked Luke about Jason Priestley being pissed off at him. Luke said he hadn't heard anything but Jason is on the road with the band ''Bare Naked Ladies'' so he hasn't spoken to him much. Howard is so miffed by the whole thing that he was willing to take a personal phone call from Jason to find out why he's pissed off. He doesn't ever do that for anyone. Howard spent quite a while with Luke talking about everything from teeth to getting boners on the set of 90210. Luke is appearing on ''Late Show with David Letterman'' tonight.

• Big Black Checks In. 11/10/98. 9:50am
  Big Black checked in with Howard after a long absence. Big was calling in to play tape of Joan Rivers crying on Regis and Kathie Lee's show. He thought that Joan hadn't cried when she was on Howard's show this morning but Howard said she had. Even I didn't realize that she had cried. I guess Big Black has just been lying low lately and he hasn't been on the show. He has a web site if you want to find out what he's up to. www.bigblack.com

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  -- Monday November 9, 1998 --

• Howard Concedes To Jackie Looking More Fit. 11/9/98. 6:05am
  Howard admitted that after seeing this week's Saturday night show that Jackie does look more fit than he does. On this past Saturday's ''The Howard Stern Radio Show'' Jackie and Howard had a little contest to see who looked in better shape. The women who judged the two of them were biased toward Howard since he's the main man on the show. At the time Howard thought he looked better but now he's seen the video and has changed his mind.

• Howard Surprised By Waterboy's $39.1 Million Weekend. 11/9/98. 6:20am
  Howard's not much of a fan of Adam Sandler's baby talk brand of humor but he was surprised and impressed by Sandler's new movie bringing in an amazing $39.1 Million in it's first weekend. The movie got horrible reviews but that must not matter to Sandler fans. Howard said that he thought the commercials for the film were really funny but he still doesn't get the humor. He said he has to see this movie now just because he's curious to see why people are going to see this thing. Howard then said that he got a script recently that was just plain dumb but now he's thinking of doing it. He figures that if Sandler can do $39.1 Million with a stupid movie he might as well try it.

• Gary Garver Interviews. 11/9/98. 7:00am
  Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing Jay Leno, Nancy Sinatra and Brian from the Mark and Brian radio show. I wasn't able to write down all of the questions since I was driving to work at the time. Jay Leno hung in there for all of the questions he was asked. I think Gary was using generic questions like ''Do you ever check yourself for testicular cancer?'' and stuff like that. At one point Jay figured out that it was being taped for Howard so he acknowledged it and continued to answer all of the questions. Nancy Sinatra also answered all of the questions but she wasn't quite as happy about them. She did say that it was the most incredible interview she's ever had though. Brian from Mark and Brian recognized Gary and refused to answer any of his questions. He called Gary a ''dork'' and said that he didn't give permission to give an interview.

• Howard's TV Picks. 11/9/98. 7:45am
  Howard and Robin were discussing what TV shows they enjoy watching. Here are some of their picks:
  • Howard - ''Babylon 5'', ''Buffy The Vampire Slayer'', ''Dawson's Creek'' and ''Beverly Hills 90210.''
  • Robin - ''Babylon 5'', ''Buffy The Vampire Slayer.''
  Howard said that he's given up on ''Felicity'' because it went downhill after the first episode. He also said he's given up on ''X-Files'' because of all of the cover-up / conspiracy crap that the show is about. Robin also said that ''Felicity'' was never good and that she may give up on ''X-Files'' because she didn't like the season premiere last night.

• The Homeless Game. 11/9/98. 8:15am
  A woman who called in to talk about how bad Jackie's joke telling is also wanted to win a trip to Las Vegas. Howard had tickets to give away this week for a taping of ''Politcally Incorrect'' out there so this woman wanted them. Howard figured they could play a homeless game and have the woman guess 3 out of 5 questions to win. He played the warm up stuff first. During the warm up Stuttering John asked the guy what his favorite pastime was. The homeless guy said ''Jerking my dick'' but the ''dick'' was beeped out. Howard goofed on that for a few minutes since it sounded so funny.

  Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  Who is the Governor of New York State?	N	Patacki	Y
  What does the abbreviation UFO stand for?	N	Unidentified Flying Object	Y
  What does NFL stand for?	Y	I don't know	N
  What do Jewish people wear on their heads?	Y	Kuffies	N
  Who discovered America?	Y	Columbus	Y

  Since the woman was so bad at the game Howard gave her two final chances to win the prize. She finally got the last one correct so she won the trip. After that Howard and the gang bet on the rest of the questions. Here they are:

  Question	Homeless Answer	Correct?
  How many hours are in a day?	Twenty eight	N
  How many minutes are in an hour?	Thirteen	N
  How many elbows do human beings have?	Two	Y
  What religion is a Rabbi?	Catholic	N
  Name one Jewish holiday.	Wha, wha wha, I don't know what the hell you said	N
  What sport does Tiger Woods play?	I don't know.. Golf	Y
  Name one country in Europe.	Australia	N
  How many eggs are in a dozen?	Thirteen	N
  What is the capitol of New York state?	Albany	Y
  How many Musketeers were there?	Thirteen	N
  How many states are in the U.S.A.?	Sixty one, no sixty five	N
  Name one sexually transmitted disease.	AIDS	Y
  Who is Conan O'Brien?	an ex-President	N
  What part of the body does a gynecologist work on?	Pussy	Y
  Who is the host of the Tonight Show?	YOU!	N
  Fill in the blank for this comedy group.. The BLANK Stooges.	Three	Y
  What vegetable is a pickle made from?	I can't answer that question	N

  Howard won $60 from Robin and came out even with everyone else.

• Marni The Intern's Traumatic Experience With Richard Simmons. 11/9/98. 9:25am
  Marni the intern was sent out to interview Richard Simmons at a mall somewhere. She asked him a bunch of questions like ''Do you eat to cover your pain?'' and ''When's the last time you got laid?'' Poor Marni was so freaked out by having to ask the questions that she had to go to her Psychiatrist to calm herself down. This morning she told Howard that Richard Simmons is such a nice guy and has done so much for people that she felt bad asking the questions. Howard told her that Simmons hasn't done anything except make money off of fat people. Marni even said that Richard wasn't as thin as you'd think he'd be for being a diet guru. Marni said she's just not cut out for questioning celebrities. Gary came in and said that he yelled at her one time because she wouldn't tell a caller that Gary didn't want to talk to them. She had to go to the Psychiatrist for that one too. Howard told her that she's just too nice to people.

• Tad Lowe's Nikki Taylor Story. 11/9/98. 9:50am
  Tad Lowe, creator of VH1's Pop-Up videos, called in to tell Howard a story about how he saw model Nikki Taylor strip at some strip club in Los Angeles. Tad explained how Nikki was at the club and was taken in the back to change into something sexy. She came out on the stage and slowly stripped off her slinky dress to reveal her large, natural breasts. She was turned away from the crowd at the club but she may not have realized that the mirrors in front of her were revealing all to the guys there. This is unusual because Nikki's not known for stripping or even photographing nude. Tad sounded impressed with Nikki's looks but Howard's boy Ralph called up later in the show to bad mouth her by calling her fat. Howard and Tad also discussed the whole Pop-Up Video phenomenon. Howard said he'd like to have a Pop-Up behind the scenes thing for his Saturday night show or even the ''Private Parts'' movie. Tad said he approached Paramount when ''Grease'' was being re-released to see if he could do a Pop-Up thing with the movie. Paramount told him that they didn't want to tarnish the image of the movie by doing that. Howard told Tad that Paramount didn't want to do a directors cut for ''Private Parts'' either. Howard wanted to do a DVD with footage of he and Betty Thomas talking about the movie and scenes that were cut but Paramount said that they'd rather just put out the video.