Sal the Stockbroker sent in a song parody about Gary called ''With Mouth Wide Open'' to the tune of Creed's ''With Arms Wide Open''. Howard played that and laughed a little bit. He said that it's funny because Sal is out of his mind with Gary songs. He also pointed out that Sal's teeth aren't all that great either. The theory is that maybe Sal was teased about his teeth as a child and he's taking out his anger on Gary.
Howard went out with a couple of people to the Marilyn Manson concert over the vacation. He went to dinner with Gary's old friend Ross and the DJ known as Booker on his radio station. Howard said he and Booker ate like chicks because they're watching their weight. After dinner they went to the concert and enjoyed that. Howard said he was seated next to some hot blonde chick and her friend and they were hitting on him. He said the chick was running her hand through his hair but eventually she got up, walked away and disappeared. Howard missed one part of the show where the drummer apparently fell off of his set at the end of the show. Howard was distracted by someone in the audience when it happened but he got to read about it in the paper today.
After the concert Howard went out to a club with the guys. Marilyn Manson showed up at the club so Howard hung out with him for a while. He was sitting with Marilyn and his girlfriend Rose McGowan when he felt Marilyn's hand rubbing his leg and knee. He thought that maybe he thought he had his hand on Rose's leg so he stood up at one point to point it out. When he sat down Marilyn's hand went back on his knee and he kept rubbing it. Howard asked him what he was doing but Marilyn didn't really care. Howard said that the guy wasn't hitting on him though. Howard said he also spoke to Rose about her favorite sexual positions while he was hanging out with them. He said she was wearing really red lipstick and he was fantasizing about her lips around his privates.
A listener called in and told Howard that Marilyn is a bi-sexual so maybe he was trying to pick him up. Howard said that's right and now that he thinks about it Marilyn did tell him that he looks good. Howard said he might be willing to bang Rose in front of Marilyn but he won't do anything with Marilyn. Howard said maybe he just didn't see the signals that Marilyn was sending out.
KC had another bed-wetting incident over vacation. For some reason he told Gary about how he wet the bed one night when his girlfriend was sleeping over. He said that his dream ''tricked'' him into thinking he was going to the bathroom and he ended up pissing in the bed. During the conversation he said that he also has seizures once in a while. A couple of callers said that it sounds like KC might have a brain tumor or something like that. One woman said her boyfriend had a similar situation where he wet the bed and had seizures and that turned out to be a brain lesion. KC said a bunch of people have told him to go to a doctor but he doesn't care if he dies. He also doesn't want to pay the $20 co-pay that his health care program charges.
Howard spent a little while talking about how Robert Downey Jr. was just arrested for drug possession again the other day. Howard doesn't see what the problem is. He thinks that Downey should be allowed to do drugs if he wants to. He read an article about the situation and said he'd like to know who turned him in.
Since he was on the subject of addiction Howard mentioned Richard Lewis' new book. He said Lewis sent him a copy recently and he didn't think it was going to be any good but after reading it he found out that Lewis was an alcoholic for 20 years. He said he's got to get him on the show now to interview him about it. The alcoholism might explain some of his odd behavior over the years.
Howard said he hates the fact that Joe C. died but there were four teams that had him in their Death Pool picks. It looks like it may be a four way tie when the Death Pool ends in the middle of December. The people who had Joe in their picks include
Howard said that he went to see a movie over the vacation. He said the only movie that fit into his schedule was ''Bounce'' with Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck. Howard didn't think it could be all that bad but a short time into the movie he knew what was going to happen and it just bored him to death. He said that Gwyneth has no sex appeal at all and Ben Affleck's acting is too flat. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that he saw some movies over the vacation that he liked. He recommended ''Men of Honor'' and ''The Grinch Who Stole Christmas''. He said he saw the Grinch movie with his kid and she loved it. She's seen it two times already. Howard said he also watched ''The Santa Clause'' over the weekend and really enjoyed that. Robin agreed that it's a great holiday movie.
Howard had an article about Rosie O'Donnell and her new girlfriend Kelly to read this morning. The Star reports that Rosie and her girlfriend just moved into a townhouse recently. Howard said that Kelly is really cute too. He said that Rosie should talk about all of this stuff on her TV show. If she did that he'd actually watch it. He spent a few minutes reading through the article finding out all about their lesbian lifestyle. He was fascinated by the whole story.
Howard also brought up Kelsey's wife Camille who suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. He was under the impression that she was on the toilet all day dooting. Kelsey had to tell Howard that it just means that when she eats her stomach hurts. Howard thinks that it's all mental and it's just the fact that Camille hasn't had any young penis lately. Kelsey said that he might be the irritating part of the problem. Howard asked where Camille was and what she was wearing. Kelsey told Howard that she was sitting across from him wearing Costco special pajamas. Howard and Robin both wondered why they shop at a wholesale club. Kelsey said that they enjoy shopping there and they like bargains just like anyone would.
Howard brought up how Kelsey has won a few Emmy's for his work on ''Frasier'' and how this year he lost to Michael J. Fox. Howard wanted to know of Kelsey was bitter that he lost to Fox who probably won just because he's suffering from Parkinson's disease. Kelsey said that he's not bitter at all and that Fox has given a lot to the industry over the years.
Howard had Chaunce Hayden on the phone to ask a question. Chaunce heard that Camille was once paid to be with a Saudi Arabian Sheik sometime in her life. Howard had Camille get on the phone to find out if that was true or not. Camille said that's absolutely not true at all. She's never been paid to be with a Sheik or anyone else. Howard spent a minute with her on the phone then got back to Kelsey. Gary came in with some articles he's read about Kelsey. Apparently his ex-wife has gone out and spread stories about how he used to dress in women's clothes. Gary wanted to know if it was true that he was wearing a red teddy under his tuxedo when he met the President. Kelsey said that was not true. Gary also read that Kelsey has ordered women's clothing, including size 13 women's shoes, through a catalog. Kelsey also denied that. Howard said even if it's true he'd deny it.
Howard also wanted to know what Kelsey thinks about the Robert Downey Jr. Thing. Kelsey basically agrees with Howard that Downey should be left alone to do his drugs and live his life the way he wants to as long as he's not endangering the lives of others. Kelsey said that it's a victimless crime as long as he's not behind the wheel of a car and he's just sitting in his hotel room using drugs. Kelsey thinks that society just hates to see someone wasting his life away with drugs and that's why they're trying to stop him.
Howard spent a short time talking about this new animated thing that Kelsey has going on. Kelsey said ''Gary the Rat'' is about a lawyer who actually becomes a rat. He's hoping that it'll get some attention and perhaps NBC will pick it up as a regular animated series. Check it out at MediaTrip.com
Everyone in the studio said that no one believes that Howard is going anywhere. Gary said he has spoken to a bunch of people and none of them believe that Howard is going anywhere.
Howard said he still feels that there is a strong bond between him and the company he works for. He said he doesn't want to throw all of that away but he does have other options if they don't come through. He said that he'd like to sign with them but they have different points of view.
Gary said they still have meetings about stuff they'll be doing next year, if there is a next year. Once again, it looks like Howard's last show will be on December 15th. After that there's 2 and a half weeks of ''Best Of'' while everyone is on vacation. After that is still a mystery.
Gary came in and said that he wants to get a tattoo also so Howard offered to take him down to his place. Gary said he wants to get something on his back but he's not sure what it'll be. Howard made a few suggestions including a tribal lizard or dragon. He also suggested a giant tooth or a heart that has the words ''I Love the Tooth Fairy'' around it. Stuttering John wanted to know why Gary would get a tattoo on his back where no one can see it. Gary said he was doing it for himself, not so people can see it. The thing is that he wouldn't be able to see it either. Everyone goofed on him about that for a few minutes of course. Jackie, doing his Gary voice, said ''I'm gonna get one on the bottom of my foot..''
Howard said that after he spoke about his radio contract yesterday the NY Post went ahead and wrote an article about how he was ''whining'' about not having a contract. He wasn't whining, he was just saying that he doesn't have a new contract yet. Howard says they really just hate him over at the NY Post for some reason.
Howard's breakfast was screwed up this morning so he had to complain about it to KC. KC said that he used to watch Steve Grillo get yelled at about not doing this job correctly and thought he was a moron. Now he thinks that the job is tougher than he expected it to be. Howard said he has to get someone with some experience on his staff to get him his breakfast. Howard said that Chef Bobby, who makes Howard's breakfast, is great and has been doing a great job for years. It's KC who doesn't seem to be able to make sure that everything is just right.
Howard brought up Magician David Blaine who is hanging out in a block of ice for a couple of days. He said that he's seen other magicians getting upset that Blaine is doing this. He said that Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller has been telling everyone that it's a trick and he's not really in ice. Duh! It's still a cool thing to see but for some reason Penn is upset about it. Benjy came in and said that he was over at the display this morning and it's pretty cool. Some people are just hanging around checking it out. One guy had been there for 18 hours just watching Blaine standing there in the block of ice.
Jessica Hahn called in to talk to Howard about his contract situation. She said she just found out yesterday that he hasn't signed a new contract yet. She also said that he wasn't whining about the contract like the NY Post says he was. Howard went over the story once again and said that he thought that the company was going to come to him 2 years ago and offer him a new contract then. It didn't happen and the offer that's out there now just isn't enough for him. Jessica also told Howard that she's been taking Jujitsu classes. After discussing it for a few minutes Howard asked her if she'd be able to beat up Benjy. She said she could take him down no problem. Howard then offered to have her come in to wrestle him. She said she would do it so Benjy asked if he could kiss her if she can't take him down. She said that was no problem. He also wants her to do it topless. She was agreeing to just about everything Howard was throwing out. This should happen before the 15th of December.
After all of that was straightened out Howard spent a few minutes talking to M about how Bruce Willis must be kissing his ass for putting him in two hit movies. M Night doesn't talk much about any celebrity that he's worked with. He refused to talk to Howard about any celebrity that might have contacted him after the two hit movies.
Howard also spent a couple of minutes talking about how M Night puts some Indians in his movies. He said at the end of ''The 6th Sense'' there was a house full of them but M said he only put 2 in the movie. Howard eventually changed the subject after M Night said that this is the reason he shouldn't come on the show. He said he always feels sullied and dirty after being on the show.
Jackie said that he didn't really get the movie but everyone else who saw it said it was great. Both Robin and Stuttering John saw it and really enjoyed it. Jackie may have been wasted when he saw it so it wouldn't have made any sense to him.
M Night said that he doesn't have anything in the works at this time. Robin suggested that Howard work with M Night on a dark ''Fartman'' movie. Howard said that M doesn't have the balls to put out a ''Fartman'' movie. M Night said ''You're right!''
Howard tried to find out what M Night is doing with all of his money now that he's a big time director. M said he hasn't really bought that much. He bought a new house but that's about it. He's still living in Philadelphia and Howard doesn't think that will last long. He thinks he'll move to Los Angeles sometime in the future.
Howard asked for M to hook him up with a private screening so he can see ''Unbreakable'' himself. Jackie said he'd go with Howard to see it again. Maybe he'll be sober this time.
Howard then went on to tell his story about how Marilyn Manson was rubbing his leg the next night. He told the story yesterday and today he said that he really didn't think much of it until he told Robin about it. Now he's thinking it was kind of gay for Marilyn to have been rubbing his leg. Howard said that he knows Marilyn has had some gay experiences but he's not sure if he was coming on to him or not. We'll find out tomorrow when Marilyn calls in to explain himself. Howard doesn't think that any guy could possibly be attracted to him. Gary said ''Well look at him!'' like Marilyn is just as ugly as Howard is. Howard just can't believe that any guy would come on to him.
Gary had a gay story to tell. He said he was working at some store when he was 15 or 16 and there was a guy he would eat lunch with. The guy would always bring up weird scenarios during their lunch break. The guy would say to Gary that when he was in the army there was never any women around so there was a guy who would give oral sex for money. He'd ask Gary if that was gay or not but Gary was clueless. Gary eventually stopped having lunch with the guy and quit the job. His friend took the job and Gary didn't tell him about the gay guy. Eventually the guy grabbed his friends ass when he bent over to pick something up. His friend ended up elbowing the guy.
Jackie said that one time he had a guy reach between his legs and grab him. He ended up throwing the guy across the room because he was so pissed.
Howard took a couple of calls from people who said that maybe Marilyn was on ecstasy and that's why he was so touchy-feely with Howard. The discussion eventually took an evil turn and everyone started to talk about how they pleasure themselves. Howard was asked if he ever touched other parts of his body when he's spanking one off. Howard said he touched his butt one time but that was it. Jackie says he's also done that. Jackie also said he likes when his ''vegtables'' are touched when he pleasures himself. Howard said he doesn't like doing it in the shower because the water makes it too ''dry'' when he's doing himself. Stuttering John said he uses shampoo as a lube. He said he once tried Noxema but it burned his private parts. Jackie said he once banged a container of ice cream. When the discussion started to get really gay Howard changed the subject completely.
Howard played a mystery record which turned out to be Robert Downey Jr. Singing on the Ally McBeal ''A Very Ally Christmas'' Christmas album. Howard and Robin said that Downey was actually a very good singer. Gary then had Howard play a clip of Calista Flockhart, Ally McBeal herself, singing a song. Howard didn't like her singing at all. He asked Gary if he thinks she's attractive. Gary said she's not bad but she's so skinny that her neck is kind of sunken in and funny looking. Howard said it's like a Dr. Laura Schlessinger neck.
Howard asked Hank if he wanted to pee on the block of ice but he says he doesn't want to get arrested. They also asked him if he would just expose himself to Blaine. Hank said if he really has to go to the bathroom he might just go on the ice. Meanwhile, Howard had to watch how he described Hank going down to pee on the ice. He couldn't say ''urinate'' because of the problems he has with the FCC and the lawyers at the station. He had to say ''going to the bathroom'' instead. He said he was told that he can't even say ''go to the bathroom'' it had to be ''going'' instead. Howard said he's sick of the whole thing.
Benjy came in and said he'd be willing to go down to pee on the ice instead of Hank. Howard decided to send both of them down.
After talking to Marilyn Manson and about KC's Stand-up career Howard got back to the two of them. Benjy was dressed as Santa Clause and Hank as a bunny rabbit. The two of them approached the block of ice holding up signs. The signs said things like ''ABC is unfair to midgets'' and ''David Blaine is my father'' among other things. As they got closer they could see that Blaine was getting agitated. Howard was watching the live web feed of the event and said he could see Hank right up at the front of the line. He could also see Blaine pointing to Hank and his signs. He wanted them out of there. Howard took a break and came back to them later. Howard tried to get Hank to at least moon Blaine but there were too many cops around. Howard eventually got sick of the whole bit and gave up on them. Hank was actually at the block of ice and was able to touch it. Howard yelled at Doug Goodstein to get Hank to moon but they refused because of the cops. Howard plugged Hank's web site but said that he shouldn't because he was so uncooperative. HankTheDwarf.com
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Marilyn about other stuff. He asked him about a couple of rumors he's heard about him. He eventually got back to the leg rubbing incident though. Marilyn once again said that he had no idea who's leg he had his hand on that night so it wasn't a gay thing.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn before ending the segment. Howard made sure to let everyone know to pick up the new Marilyn Manson album ''Holly Wood''. He said his latest video is great and his concert was also great.
Howard said that Stuttering John also has a secret stand-up career. He came in and said that he has done some stand-up and that he also didn't want to be goofed on about it. Howard said he wanted to hear his act also. John said he didn't have a tape of his act and Howard didn't believe him. He called him a liar and told him to get out of the studio.
After taking a break Fred had written some jokes for KC to use in his act. KC performed the act and it was actually funny. Some of the jokes were about peeing in bed and stuff like that. Then he had jokes like ''I saw a sign that said 'Wet Paint' so I pissed on it!'' He also said ''Don't you hate it when you fart in the bath tub and your mother gets out and puts her clothes back on?'' His final joke was ''I hate it when you're having sex on a plane and the pilot pushes you off his lap to land the plane.'' It was funnier than it reads here.
Sal the Stockbroker also called in before the game. He said that because it's the time of year when they light up the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center that they should wrap Gary's teeth with lights and set him outside. Gary, who thinks that Sal's teeth are pretty bad also, challenged him to come down to the studio so they can measure both of their teeth. Gary thinks that Sal's are just as big as his. Sal said he's up for the challenge. Gary also asked Sal if his wife ever asks him to stop with the goofing on him. Sal told Gary that he has to ''.. be the king of his castle, not the chimp of his zoo.'' He's always got a comeback. Stuttering John asked Robin who she'd rather sleep with, Sal or Gary. Robin said ''Gary of course!'' Sal quickly asked John ''Would you rather have testicular cancer or Gary's teeth?'' He's consumed with Gary's teeth.
Sal wanted to play the Hooters Girl game for the trip but he decided that Howard should give it to someone who could really use it.
After taking a break Howard came back and killed some more time talking about Tori Spelling's layout in ''Stuff'' magazine. He said she looks really hot in the mag and he doesn't understand why some of the other guys at the station say she's got a dog face.
Howard also spent some time talking about the HBO Autopsy show that was on the other night. Gary and Howard spent a few minutes talking about some of the weird mummies that were in the show.
KC came back in and did some more of his new stand-up routine that Fred and Jackie have written for him. It seems that KC's new thing might be to start off all of his jokes with ''You know what I hate?'' and then say things like:
Howard finally got around to playing the game with a caller by the name of Toupe. The guy had to guess if the girl would get the answers right and had to get 3 out of 5 correct. Howard first played a clip of Gary asking the girl a few questions about her life. We learned that her name is Tasha and she's a senior in John J college and she's majoring in Criminal Justice. She's been working at Hooters for 2 and a half years. Here are the questions Toupe had to guess at and the answers the Hooters girl gave.
| Question | Caller Says | Hooters Girl Answer | Correct? |
| What is 10% of 200? | Y | 20 | Y |
| Is Australia a city or a continent? | N | Continent | Y |
| What country is the Eiffel tower in? | Y | France | Y |
| What does a Proctologist examine? | N | Don't know | N |
Toupe won the game so he won a trip to Las Vegas to see the Trinidad/Vargas fight out there.
After the game Howard and the crew listened to the rest of the questions and bet on them. Here are the rest of the questions:
| Question | Hooters Girl Answer | Correct? |
| How many seconds are in 3 minutes? | 120..no 160 | N |
| In what state would you find New Orleans? | Down south somewhere | N |
| What does a seismograph measure? | No idea | N |
| The 3 states of matter are solid, liquid and.. | Don't remember | N |
| What does IRS stand for? | Internal Revenue Service | Y |
| At what temperature does water freeze? | Don't know | N |
| How many planets are in our solar system? | Nine | Y |
| Who wrote ''The Cat in the Hat''? | Dr. Seuss | Y |
| What weighs more, a pound of silicone or a pound of saline? | Silicone | N |
| Is Canada north or south of the United States? | North | Y |
| What does KKK stand for? | Ku Klux Klan | Y |
| Spell the word ''Receive'' | RECEIVE | Y |
Howard was up by $40 at the end of the betting. Robin was up by $20 and Jackie was down by $20. Fred remained silent about his money situation.
KC has an act now so Stuttering John offered to let him come work with him at Rascal's Comedy Club when he goes. He even offered to pay him a hundred bucks for it.
Howard got back to Penny and said he wanted to know if there's any cottage cheese on her ass. She refused to show him and said that she probably wouldn't have a job at Fox 5 after this interview. She then asked Howard if he has a girlfriend. Howard didn't want to go there so he told Penny that if she showed him her ass he'd tell her if he's got a girlfriend. That didn't happen. Howard also wanted to know if he would need any kind of KY jelly if he were to have sex with Penny. Gary said ''It's not a question of 'if' but whether you'd need the jar or the 55 gallon drum..'' Ouch! Howard and Penny hugged goodbye and he managed to grab her ass before she left.
A woman by the name of Bertha was on the phone this morning. She contacted the show recently and said she was willing to do anything to get her sister breast implants. Howard first told Bertha she needs to change her name. Bertha said that her middle name is Dorothy so people actually call her Dot instead of Bertha. Her sister's name is Faye which is a little better than Bertha. Howard told Bertha that she has to give her sister oral sex. Bertha said ''that's disgusting'' and that's there's no way she's going to do that. Howard got Faye on the phone and gave her a couple of choices. He told her she could eat a bowl of doody. That was no good either because Howard said even he doesn't want to see that. Then Gary suggested that Bertha walk down 57th street and pull a stranger into an alley to give him oral sex. Howard finally said something about taking a chicken nugget and putting in Faye's butt. Then Bertha would have to eat it. They barely agreed to that idea. Dr. Sal Calabro, who will perform the surgery, was on the phone also. He ended up talking to Howard about how he was kicked out of the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgeons. He told Howard he used to make a speech at their conference but last year he wasn't allowed to do that. He said he asked around and some people said that it was probably because he was on Howard's show. Dr. Sal said that if he had to make a choice between Howard and the Academy he'd choose Howard. Dr. Calabro will be back on tomorrow when Erica the Gymnast returns to show off her new implants. You can get a sneak preview of her over at SalCalabro.com
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape from a news report about David Spade who was attacked by an assistant yesterday. Spade was allegedly attacked with a stun gun at his home but he's okay. The employee was arrested. Howard tried calling David himself on the air to find out what went on. All he got was his answering machine. Howard left a message telling David he was really worried about him. He also asked why someone needed a stun gun to kick his ass.
A postal worker called in to tell Howard that the Postmaster has asked him to remove two bumper stickers from his truck. They read something like
Howard received a bunch of ads that were cut out of a newspaper in Los Angels. The ads were for a store that was selling the Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas CD for a mere $.99. Howard said they must have a lot of CD's if they're selling them that cheap.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Kevin before getting to the game. He talked a little bit about the new show and about his marriage. Howard had notes that said Kevin married a really hot chick. She was so hot that the Pastor performing the ceremony actually said something like ''Oh my gosh'' when he saw her. He also cried at the wedding which Howard said was really gay.
Howard asked Kevin about what celebrities he's dated but he didn't have any good ones on his list. He did tell a story about dating a Playboy Playmate. He ended up ditching her at the restaurant they were at because she was being so rude to him.
Howard got around to the game and told Kevin he had to answer 7 questions. He had 1 minute to answer as many as he could. Fred was sent into Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions. Here are the 7 questions and the correct answers:
Howard wanted to get Daniel Carver on the phone to play a Racist Jeopardy game but he was unreachable at the time. Gary said he got in touch with Daniel's wife and she said he would be reachable on his cellular phone a little later in the morning.
While Howard was waiting to get Daniel on the phone he killed some time taking phone calls and playing some tapes he had lying around. One caller asked why Howard hasn't been talking about Jackie being on ''Hollywood Squares'' this week. Howard decided not to talk about it because he knows that the show just puts Jackie on so that Howard will talk about it. He also said that Jackie refused to talk about it when Howard brought it up a couple of weeks ago. Howard also said that they're a ''bunch of loads'' on that show anyway.
Howard wanted to know why they did this and why Drew agreed to marry Dara. Drew said that he was married for 14 years before he met Dara. The two of them then dated 2 and a half years before this whole thing happened. Drew wasn't in any rush to get married because he'd just gotten out of his other marriage. He told Howard that Dara just moved the date up a little sooner than it would have been. He said the relationship hasn't changed because of this either. Howard asked the two of them if they even signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Drew said that he's got a post-nup in the works but Dara said she doesn't know if she'll sign that or not. Howard told Drew that he's sunk on that subject. Howard kept asking both of them if they thought it was humiliating to do the show. Dara said that she was prepared for Drew to say no to her and that it wouldn't have broken up the relationship. Drew said that it didn't humiliate him and he doesn't have any regrets.
One of the things that they've done in the 4 weeks since the show is get in shape. Howard had some before and after pictures of the two of them and they've lost a lot of weight. Drew told Howard that he has created a fitness program that will get anyone in shape. He even offered to train Howard for free to prove it. Howard didn't want any part of it though. Howard tried to explain to Drew that if they ever do get a divorce he'll have to give up 50% of this business he's started. Drew said that's not quite true because he had a lot of stuff before they got married. That's what will be addressed in the post-nuptial he's working on. Howard said he wants Dara to sign this thing on his show. They agreed that they'd do that for him. Drew started to tell Howard that if the business ever does get big and they get a divorce that he'd have to give Dara credit for helping it out. Howard just went ''SHHHHHHHH.. don't say that because they'll play this tape in court.''
Howard was admiring Dara's body and how great it looks. Howard wanted her to show her ass but she refused. Howard told her he'd give their web site extra plugs if she showed it but she refused. Gary came in at one point and offered her $1000 then $3000 and finally $10,000 worth of iWon.com money to show it. She still refused. A listener called in who claimed he knew Dara when she lived in Connecticut. He said that Dara was really wild back then and that Howard should have her take her top off. Howard told the guy that she must have reformed because she wasn't doing any such thing today. The caller said that Dara once had a lesbian affair in a car somewhere. She said that was true and Drew knew about it. After hearing about that Howard said that he'd marry Dara. He started to understand why Drew married her.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in at one point and said that he'd offer a free post-nuptial agreement or divorce, which ever came first, if Dara would show her ass. Dara still didn't want to do it. Howard said he'd like to see them get Dominic in shape. They said they'd do it and Dominic agreed to it also. That will be a major accomplishment for them if they're able to do that.
The main reason Howard had him on the phone was to play Racist Name That Tune. Yesterday Howard was playing some racist songs that people have sent him lately and he thought that Daniel would probably know all of them by name. Howard played a few of them for Daniel today and he knew each and every one. He didn't know the artist but he knew the name of the song. He said his favorite song is ''Move Them Nig**** North''. That seems to be exactly what he wants to do.
Howard spent a couple of minutes asking Daniel about what his title is now in the Klan. Daniel says he's now an Imperial Advisor but at one time he was a Grand Dragon. He claims that he's never done harm to anyone. He said that the Klan is just a group of like-minded people who get together without having any ''filthy nig****'' in their group.
Howard let a couple of people yell at Daniel on the phone before ending the segment. Most of the people just called him a racist. One woman didn't believe he was for real. Daniel just told her to order his holiday catalog. An alien called in and asked Daniel where they rank on the hatred list. Daniel said that he's never seen one so he's not sure. He said there's no such thing as an alien so he doesn't know where they'd rank on his list.
Daniel was also asked who he voted for in the Presidential election. Daniel said he had to go with Bush. Buchannan had a black guy in his group so Dan said that was out. He also said that Bush didn't have a Jew running mate so he had to go that way.
Howard was wrapping things up when a caller asked where Mexican's rank on his hate list. Daniel said they're below the blacks which surprised a couple of people in the studio. Daniel said that you can get those racist albums from his holiday catalog (big surprise). You can send hate mail or $3 for Daniels holiday catalog to:
Daniel Carver
PO Box 446
Oakwood, GA 30566
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone and spoke to him for a minute also. Mike was upset about some of the things Robin said about him when Jack Maxwell was on the show a couple of weeks back. She'd said that Jack was the best looking of the bunch on the National Enquirer Uncovered TV show. Robin tried to cover up what she said but Mike knows what she said. Howard got a caller on the phone to play the game also. John was actually playing for the caller. If he wins then the caller would win $1000 cash and 2 airline tickets courtesy of HotWire.com. And for those who don't know.. Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few minutes with John the stutterer before ending the segment. Howard said that John was set up to have a make over done on him but he backed out. John explained how he went up to some women and offered to buy them a drink. They laughed at him and called him a ''Mega stuttering bastard'' which pissed him off so much that he refused to come out of his home to get the make over. He called them a ''bunch of F'n C's''. Howard was about to end the segment when KC came in and said that John always has funny jokes to tell. John told a couple.. which weren't funny. He said ''How Long is a Chink..'' Howard said ''How long?'' John said ''How Long.. get it.. He's a chink.'' Then he said ''Did you hear the one about the guy who bought the pet rock, he called it Rocky.'' Third grade jokes I think.
Howard found out that Erica likes to be spanked so he had her come over to do it himself. He got her over his legs and spanked her a few times. He had her say ''Thank you'' after each spanking. She was also supposed to say ''Daddy, I've been a bad girl''. Howard said he was getting aroused the whole time. After he was done he sniffed his hand for about 30 seconds.
Erica's boyfriend Mark was in the green room and Erica wanted Howard to meet him. Mark, who works construction part time, came in and met Howard. Howard said that he's not that great looking but he gets this hot chick. John the Stutterer said that he's a very lucky guy. Howard eventually had Mark spank Erica for a few seconds. He asked the two of them if they'd ever do porn. They said they were thinking of it but they don't have a camera man. Howard said that he'd like to direct the two of them in a porn. He told them that one plot would be.. Erica is dressed as a girl scout and Mark is in the kitchen cooking. Howard comes in and plants a butcher knife in his head, gives Erica ruffies and takes her. Another plot was where Mark would have Erica tied up to four posts in the living room. Part of this plot was censored out of the show by Andre and Howard got pissed off later in the segment. He told Erica how Mark would tickle her and paddle her ass until she passed out.
Howard got a call from a listener who told him about the delay hit during that last plot line and he freaked out for a couple of minutes.
Dr. Calabro told Howard he had to get going to everyone in the studio applauded him for the work he did on Erica. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Erica and Mark. He found out that they've been dating for 2 years but have known each other for about 6. Mark had sex with her at his high school prom. Howard asked Erica if she's ever had anal but Mark said she doesn't like that. Howard said she's still young yet. It takes time before she'll be into that.