Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 9/27/99 to 10/1/99

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-- Monday September 27, 1999 (Replayed on Master Tape Theatre on Sunday, June 9, 2013 and Sunday, October 13, 2013) --
• Howard Back To 100%. 9/27/99. 6:20am
  Howard announced that he's now back to 100% health after weeks of feeling run down. He said he finally went to the doctor to find out what was wrong with him. The doctor told him that he was fine and soon after that he felt better. Perhaps it was all psychological.

• Sarah Michelle Gellar Blows Off The Show. 9/27/99. 6:25am
  Howard is a little upset that actress Sarah Michelle Gellar has refused to do the show this week even though she's in town to do Conan O'Brien and Rosie O'Donnell's shows. Gary said that he people have said that she's very busy while she's in town but they haven't given him a definite ''no'' yet. Howard threatened to constantly remind everyone that miss Gellar is a Jew until she does the show. Howard thinks she may be upset because the last time she called in he pointed out that she was Jewish. He did manage to toss in a few ''Sarah Michelle Gellar is a Jew'' references during the show.

• Anal Sex Caller Wins A Prize. 9/27/99. 6:55am
  Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to tell him how he'd finally gotten anal sex with his wife after 10 years of marriage. As a joke Howard offered the guy a prize for his accomplishment. He offered him a trip somewhere but the guy said he'd be on his second honeymoon that week. Howard ended up giving the guy a men's Movado watch instead. Later in the show Howard wondered aloud about what the guy might tell his in-laws when they ask him where he got the watch. Howard thought that the guy might just tell them ''Oh, I had anal sex with your daughter..''

• Joe's Shows Howard His Hitler Book. 9/27/99. 7:20am
  This guy Joe came in this morning to show Howard a book he'd bought off his father for $500. His father claimed that he was in World War 2 and found the book in one of Adolf Hitler's bunkers. It's written in German and there are pictures of Hitler pasted on the pages of the book. Joe was an older guy who sounded kind of burnt out while he was talking to Howard. Joe said that his father wasn't that nice of a guy and that's why he had to pay for the rare find. Howard and Robin each inspected the book but neither of them could what was up with it. Robin commented that it definitely looked like a very old book but it wasn't hand written. Howard said it looked like a book that had already been published but Joe said it wasn't. Joe seems to think that it's an original copy of an unpublished work. Joe brought it in because he wants to sell the book. He wasn't sure how much he wanted for it but wanted to start the bidding at $2000. Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who wanted it but they just offered him some drugs and pasta for it. Howard suggested that they get a professional guy to come in and put a price on it. Joe agreed to do that but we'll have to wait until Wednesday because Joe has to go to the doctor for a prostate problem tomorrow.

• Brad / Houston Prom Date Update. 9/27/99. 7:55am
  A few months ago Brad, a high school student, asked Howard to hook him up with Porno star Houston for his prom. Long story short, they went to the prom and hit it off. They went out with each other a few times and enjoyed each other's company. Well, that relationship soured when the two of them hooked up in Las Vegas recently. Howard had the two of them on the phone this morning to find out what happened. Houston was out in Las Vegas to promote a bunch of things and she invited Brad to hang out with her. Houston explained how she was overwhelmed with all that was going on plus Brad was near her constantly. It eventually got to her and she had to get away from him. There were a couple of other things that freaked her out also. She said Brad told her that he'd shaved all of his pubic hair and it was kind of weird for her since he's so young. She said she didn't see it that week though. Brad explained that he doesn't like body hair and that's why he shaved. Houston also thinks that all of this publicity has gone to Brad's head. Brad said that the reason he hung around her so much was because he didn't know what to do while he was in a strange town. He didn't know anyone so he stayed by the one who invited him out there. They went on and on for 25 minutes or so and eventually Houston said that she was sorry and said that she'll probably hook up with him when she's in the New York area in November. Brad wasn't sure if he wanted to hook up with her because he's still upset over the whole thing. Howard took a couple of phone calls and some guys took Brad's side in the whole thing. One guy said ''What did you expect from a whore?'' Brad said he got to know another side of Houston and actually fell in love with her! He said he didn't think he would but he did anyway. Before Howard ended the segment Brad mentioned that he's going to be reviewing strip clubs for BachelorParty411.com. Houston made a good point when she said that those clubs are over 21 and Brad is only 18. Brad said he has connections and told her not to worry about it. Houston is doing some porno gambling cruise and you can find out more at SexIllustrated.com.

• Howard, Jackie And Fred Practice ''My Brown Eye.'' 9/27/99. 8:45am
  Howard and the gang came up with a couple of new song parodies. The first one they performed was ''My Brown Eye'' and the second one was ''The Gay Way'' to the tune of a Backstreet Boys song ''I Want It That Way.'' After performing both of the songs live Howard took some phone calls. Pretty much everyone agreed that ''The Gay Way'' was the better of the two. A short time later Howard and the gang sang the song again. Howard decided to call the band ''The Backside Boys'' and said he's even willing to go on MTV to perform it.

• Richard Belzer Comes In. 9/27/99. 9:30am
  Actor/comedian Richard Belzer came in to hang out and comment during Robin's news segment this morning. But first, a lovely black woman by the name of Nikki came in to have Howard evaluate her breasts. Nikki came all the way up from Charleston, South Carolina just to ask Howard if he thinks she needs implants. For some odd reason Belzer refused to look at Nikki when she took her top off. Howard couldn't believe that he wouldn't look. At first Howard told Nikki that she needed implants but a few minutes later he told her not to bother. She was very attractive and Howard didn't think she should bother. Nikki thanked Howard and said he was gorgeous before she left. After that Belzer plugged the show that he's now appearing on ''Law and Order: Special Victims Unit'' which airs Monday nights on NBC. Earlier Howard told Belzer that he'll probably turn out like the guy who played one of the first Tarzans. That guy went around in an old age home yelling like Tarzan. Belzer has appeared on about 5 shows as the same ''Detective Munch.'' Howard figures he doesn't mind being typecast and will end up just like Tarzan when he's old.

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  -- Tuesday September 28, 1999 --

• Howard Has Problems With ''The Gay Way.'' 9/28/99. 6:25am
  Yesterday Howard sang his new song ''The Gay Way'' to the tune of the Backstreet Boys ''I Want It That Way.'' Today he wanted to get a good recorded version of it so he can play it when he wants to. Howard had to start over about 4 different times because he kept screwing up the song. He finally got a halfway decent version of it when he got a call from a listener who noticed that the delay button had been hit during a line about using a fist. It was the same line that was used yesterday more than once but today it was censored out. Howard went nuts. He called in Andre, the guy who's in charge of the second delay button, to find out what happened. Andre said that he was happy because this is the last time he's going to talk to Howard about this stuff on the air. Howard told him he's right because he's going to leave the business and Andre can censor himself on his own radio show. Andre gave the lame explanation that when he heard it this morning it sounded like it should be censored even though he'd let it through two times yesterday. Howard ranted about how messed up the whole situation is and said he just wants out of his contract. He said he'd do the show on the internet. He said there'd be no money in it but he'd be happy. Howard also said he wanted to make a video for the song but none of his shows have the budget for it. The radio show, the E! show and the syndicated Saturday night show are all tapped out. Howard said that Vinnie Favale from the Saturday show said he would call the people at Comedy Central to do the video but they'd probably have to give them 24 hour exclusive rights to the video. Howard said he doesn't want to do that.

• Howard Gives Away Another F-Emmy. 9/28/99. 7:20am
  Howard had another F-Emmy to give away this morning. He started the F-Emmy's last week but didn't do them all at once. Today's category was ''Angriest Celebrity.'' And the nominees were:
  • Fiona Apple complains about Chris Rock commenting on her
  • Joey and Markee Ramone argue with each other about comments made on the internet
  • Pat Cooper goes nuts and walks off the show
  And the F-Emmy went to.. Pat Cooper. Pat was on the phone to accept his award. He was only on the phone for a few minutes but he managed to bash Geraldo Rivera for most of that time. Geraldo and his wife have just split up and Pat said he knew that would happen and even commented on it one of the times he was on Howard's show. He said that Geraldo is a ''scumbag'' and went off on him. Pat also told Howard about his recent hernia operation. He said he shaved his own pubic hair the day before the operation and even used a market to put an arrow pointing to the side where his hernia is so the doctor couldn't screw up. Before Pat was done he plugged an appearance he's making at the Mahwah High School on Saturday, October 2.

• More From The F-Emmy's. 9/28/99. 7:55am
  After the Pat Cooper F-Emmy Howard took a break. After the break he came back to give away another one. This category was ''Best Celebrity Revelation - Non-Sexual.'' And the nominees were:
  • Jaid Barrymore talks about being estranged from her daughter Drew
  • Howie Mandell talks about his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • AJ Benza talks about getting punched out by Chuck Zito
  And the F-Emmy went to.. AJ Benza. AJ was on the phone to accept his award. He did something unusual and decided to give his award to the guy from HBO's ''The Soprano's'' who didn't win at the real Emmy's. AJ spoke to Howard for a few minutes and plugged his E! TV show ''Mysteries & Scandals'' which airs each night at 8:30pm. AJ told Howard that he was singing the Backside Boys' song ''I Went The Gay Way'' all day yesterday. Howard then decided to sing it again and dedicate it to AJ. This time Andre didn't hit the delay button on the ''fist'' reference.

• Howard To Play Against Wheelchair Tennis Guy. 9/28/99. 8:35am
  Recently Howard was informed that this guy in a wheelchair had challenged him to a game of tennis. Howard figured that it wouldn't be a problem and he agreed to a game. Today Howard had the guy, Steve Welch, in to talk to him before their game. It turns out that this guy is ranked number 2 in the world of wheelchair tennis. Now Howard knows that he's going to lose the game and he doesn't think they should even bother going through the motions. Steve claims that his fastest serve is only 90 miles per hour! Howard said there's no way he can return a serve that fast. Steve also plays where the ball is allowed to bounce two times. The whole time Howard just kept wondering why he's going to humiliate himself. Steve said he thought Howard was athletic and would be pretty confident today but it wasn't happening. Steve wanted to bet some money on the game but Howard wasn't up for that. Howard suggested that if he wins, Steve has to crawl home and if Howard wins then he'd crawl home.. in his limo. Everyone came in with ideas to give Howard a handicap. It sounds like Howard's just going to play by himself without any handicap. The game will happen after the show today so we'll find out about the outcome tomorrow morning.

• Guy Who Slept With His Daughter Calls In. 9/28/99. 9:05am
  This guy Mike recently heard a segment on the show where a guy told Howard about sleeping with his mother. After hearing that Mike called Gary's voice mail and told him that it's not an uncommon thing. Today Howard had him on the phone to hear his bizarre story of incest. Mike explained to Howard how he went about falling in love with his 25 year old daughter. He said that he didn't know his daughter at all from the time she was born until she was 25 years old. When he did find out where she was he got in contact with her and they had a phone relationship for about 3 months. Then she came and stayed with him for about 3 weeks after getting to know him on the phone. He said after that 3 week stay is when they fell in love and started kissing and doing other stuff. Their strange incestuous relationship went on for about 3 years. Mike said they decided to end the sexual relationship so they could concentrate on keeping a good father-daughter relationship. That's what they've done for the past year or two. Mike said he's researched this stuff and found out that if a child is raised without their parent then there's a different foundation formed when they do meet. Mike said it was the best sex he ever had. He told Howard that he didn't have any other relationships during those three years but his daughter was at the end of a relationship where she was getting a divorce. Eventually they even told the mother of the daughter about the relationship. She wasn't okay with it at first but now she's seen what it was all about. Howard took a bunch of calls and most of the people thought that this guy is really sick. A female caller had a similar story but she said that she didn't go all the way with her father. She only did some ''severe heavy petting'' when she met her dad at the age of 17. It only happened one night though. Mike was really pushing for Howard to put him in touch with Mr. X, the guy who slept with his mother, because he wanted to talk to him. Howard told him he'd see what they could do.

• Comedian Richard Lewis Calls In. 9/28/99. 9:30am
  At the end of the incest call comedian Richard Lewis was on the phone to comment about the story. He said that he's got a book coming out soon and he thought it was going to be very provocative but after hearing Mike's story, he's going to start from scratch. Richard mentioned that he was calling in to receive an F-Emmy but Howard told him he canceled the award and just put him through. Richard just wanted to plug his appearance at Caroline's comedy club in New York City starting this Thursday. He told Howard a little about his book but he knew that Howard would set him up somehow. Howard then put a call through and the caller purposely confused Richard Lewis with Richard Belzer and said he missed the show ''Homocide.'' Lewis gave a fake laugh and quietly hung up the phone.

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  -- Wednesday September 29, 1999 --

• Lisa The Blind Playboy Model On The Phone. 9/29/99. 6:15am
  Howard played a voice mail that this woman Lisa left for Gary. Her name was Lisa and she claimed that she was blind when she was on back in March. The voice mail was her complaining to Gary about how she's been asking them for money and they won't help her out. She even started to cry during the message. Howard got her on the phone today to find out why she thinks they should give her money. Lisa thinks that because Howard makes so much money that he should just give her some because she's unable to work. She's on welfare up in Canada and said that she doesn't get enough money to survive. Howard told her to get a job to make money. She claims that she's unable to work because she has ''weak limbs'' so any strenuous work would cause her pain. This went on for quite a while but Howard isn't going to give her any money. He did let her plug a movie she's in which is available on video for $50! She gave out the address where you can send a check: Cannibal Roller Babes, 2 Carlton Street, Suite 721, Toronto, Canada M5B1J3. She used to have a web site but claims that it was ''stolen'' from her.

• Mary McCormack Comes In. 9/29/99. 6:55am
  The woman who played Howard's wife in the ''Private Parts'' movie, Mary McCormack, came in to promote her latest movie today. Mary is appearing in ''Mystery Alaska'' which opens on Friday. She's been in a few things lately including the play ''Cabaret'' and a couple of other movies. Last night was the premiere of ''Mystery Alaska'' so Stuttering John went out to get some interviews. He managed to get a couple of questions in with Burt Reynolds. Burt quickly stopped the interview by grabbing John's microphone and pushing it away while saying Howard's name over and over again. It was very odd. John was very impressed with Mary's breasts when he saw them last night. Most of the conversation centered around them. Howard said that he got a good feel when he did a scene with her in ''Private Parts.'' Mary says they're not implants. One caller gave Howard a technique for figuring out if they're implants or not. He told Howard that you take two big flashlights and shine them under the breast and you can tell if there's silicone in there. Mary wasn't willing to take her shirt off so that won't be happening. Mary hung around for a while after her interview.

• Backside Boys Update. 9/29/99. 7:45am
  Howard said that the Backside Boys(Howard, Jackie and Fred) have been offered an appearance to perform their hit song ''I Went The Gay Way.'' He said that they've been offered a spot opening for Limp Bizkit in New York. He hasn't announced a date yet and he said that he's not sure if he wants to do that in front of such a big crowd. He's thinking of getting a choreographer and having KC in a thong up on stage. I'll keep you up to date.

• Joe's Hitler Book Update. 9/29/99. 7:50am
  On Monday this guy Joe came in and showed Howard a Adolf Hitler book that he bought off his father. Joe came back in this morning to find out if the book is authentic. Howard had a professional authenticator come in to give Joe the news. Howard first spent a few minutes reviewing Joe's story then he brought in John Resnikoff to tell Joe about his book. John looked at the book earlier and gave Joe the bad news. John said that the book was mass produced so it was sold to thousands of people. He said it might be worth $150 at the most. In the book were pictures of Hitler pasted to pages. John said they were like trading cards and that's the way the book was produced back in the 1930's. Joe also brought in some Hitler stamps his father left him. John told Joe that they were also worth just about nothing. He said you can buy sheets of them for pennies. Joe paid his father $500 for the book but nothing for the stamps. Either way he was ripped off. Howard decided to offer Joe a gift for his trouble and gave him a mens Movado watch. He tried to offer him a free trip to Los Angeles but Joe said he'd rather have the watch. John's web site is at UniversityArchives.com.

• Guess Who's The Ex-Intern. 9/29/99. 8:05am
  Gary set up a game for Howard and Robin to play today. He figures that there's no way Howard or Robin remember interns from the past. He had 3 people come in and say that they were ex-interns. Gary was right. There were 2 guys and one girl who said they were interns. Robin and Howard guessed that the girl was the intern. They were wrong. It turned out to be one of the guys who was actually Scott the Engineer's intern. They spoke to him for a couple of minutes and found out that he's a Promotions Director at some place and he writes articles for magazines.

• Tom Chiusano's Cancer Battle Finally Discussed. 9/29/99. 8:20am
  Tom Chiusano finally broke his silence about his battle with cancer last year. I learned about this from an insider at the show last year but I was told to keep it secret. Tom took a few months off to battle his cancer and this morning he finally spoke a little bit about it. The other day Howard made a reference to the illness when he said he had ''mixed emotions'' about Tom's absence. Tom came in and sarcastically thanked Howard for making that comment the other day. Howard then said that Tom was letting him talk about the cancer so they spent a couple of minutes on it. Tom said he went through 4 weeks of chemo therapy. They said Tom was puking for about 8 weeks. Robin said he was near death a couple of times but he managed to come through it. Stuttering John said he went to Tom for a raise shortly before he went for his treatments and Tom told him he'd rather die than give him the money he wanted. No one got too serious during the discussion but Tom did tell people to be sure to wear sun screen when they're out in the sun.

• Howard's Tennis Game Update. 9/29/99. 8:50am
  Yesterday Howard played a game of tennis against a guy in a wheelchair... and lost. He met the tennis player yesterday during the show and played him later in the day. Steven Welch was the wheelchair guy and he came in this morning to talk about the game. Howard said he lost 6 straight games to Steve. Steve gave Howard all kinds of handicaps but he still lost. Howard had two bounces, the whole court and Stuttering John on his team and he still lost. He and John were able to score a couple of times but it wasn't enough. Howard said Steve was amazing in the way he could move his wheelchair around the court. Howard was watching the video while he was talking to Steve and it sounds like it'll be pretty funny to see on TV. Steve will be playing in the Wheelchair U.S. Open in San Diego, California sometime in the near future. He's ranked number 2 in the world right now. Robin later said that Stuttering John played against Steve for an hour before Howard showed up. John was all sweaty and took his shirt off to expose his giant flabby belly. Howard said you could see his ass crack when he'd go running for the ball also.

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  -- Thursday September 30, 1999 --

• Where Are They Now? - Jo Smith. 9/30/99. 6:40am
  For the latest installment of Howard's ''Where are they now'' Howard had on Jo Smith. Jo called in last year looking to raise money for a park bench to be dedicated to the late singer John Denver. She needed $5000 for the bench. This morning we found out that Jo raised the money in 2 months and by June of this year the bench was installed in Central Park. She said that it's at the 77th Street entrance and it's the first bench you come to. She said there's a plaque on the bench with John's name on it.

• A New Song From The Backside Boys. 9/30/99. 6:45am
  Howard and the rest of the Backside Boys have released another song. ''Every Homo'' is the name of it and Howard played it a couple of times this morning. He said he's been offered a deal from E! Entertainment to do a video for one of their songs. The only stipulation was that E! has to be able to shoot a half hour ''Making of'' the video. Howard said the camera guys were following the boys around yesterday.

• Kelsey Grammar And His Wife Camille Come In. 9/30/99. 7:10am
  Actor Kelsey Grammar and his beautiful wife Camille came in to talk to Howard this morning. This is quite a surprise for the show because Howard has never said a good word about Kelsey. Howard has known Camille longer than she's known Kelsey. She used to be an MTV dancer and she appeared in ''Private Parts'' as the first girl to hold up a sign with Gary directing her. Howard said Kelsey had a look on his face like he was being led into prison or something when he came in the studio. Howard went on to interview Kelsey about his messed up life. He first found out how Kelsey and Camille met and then moved on the really screwed up part of his life. Kelsey's father was murdered when Kelsey was just 13 years old. His sister was also robbed, raped and murdered and his 2 half brothers drown while scuba diving. Howard said Kelsey was entitled to have a drug problem. Kelsey also had a wife that used to beat him up and crap like that. Howard said he didn't know how screwed up his life really was. Now Kelsey's got a beautiful wife and a hit TV show ''Frasier'' which airs on Thursday nights. Kelsey was willing to talk about pretty much everything that Howard brought up this morning. He even spoke a little bit about how he crashed the Dodge Viper that NBC gave him as a gift. One of the most surprising things to Howard was the fact that Kelsey is a year younger than him. Howard always thought he was much older because of his look. He was only 28 when he started on ''Cheers.'' Howard took a couple of phone calls for Kelsey before the end of the interview. One woman pointed out that the name of the guy who killed his father was Niles and there's Niles on his TV show ''Frasier.'' She asked if that was weird for Kelsey. Kelsey said he never related the two names until there was an article written about it a few months ago. He said it doesn't bother him at all. You can visit Kelsey and his wife at KelseyLive.com

• Elephant Boy Appears In Porno Film. 9/30/99. 8:10am
  Elephant Boy and his porno co-star Abby came in to promote a couple of web sites this morning. By the end of the interview Howard refused to promote the sites. A few months ago Howard found out that Fred did this bizarre porno where he wore women's stockings and did things to his butt with a dildo. The movie was on a web site and Howard said it was very strange. He brought E.Boy in and told him it was a very disturbing video. He said it was very gay. E.Boy explained that he did it to prove that he's a man but Howard said that was the wrong way to do it. E.Boy has done some gay stuff in the past but the last time he was on he said he was heterosexual. Today he was claiming that he's bi-sexual again. Howard spent 25 minutes talking to E.Boy about all of this and found out that he's not going to be paid anything for doing this video but the web site that's showing it gets $14.95 a month membership fees to watch the video. Howard then decided that he wasn't going to allow the site to be promoted until Fred is paid. Abby wanted to give out two sites but Howard wouldn't allow either one until Fred signs a contract to be paid for his services. At one point during the segment E.Boy said that this would be his last show and he was going to retire from being Elephant Boy and just go back to being Fred Schreiber. Howard soon talked him out of that bad idea. He's scheduled to be back in about 3 weeks to appear with wrestler Mankind(formerly known as Cactus Jack). Abby kept trying to get a plug in for one of the sites but Howard kept cutting her off and threatened to hit the delay if she said the site. If Fred does get money for his video he's invited back to promote the site. Howard told Abby that E.Boy must have been blinded by pussy to have done all of this for free.

• Sparks Fly When Roseanne Comes In. 9/30/99. 8:50am
  Talk show host Roseanne came in to promote her show and her band(!) this morning but it turned into quite a show when Howard got her ex-husband Tom Arnold on the phone. Howard started off talking about how thin Roseanne has gotten since getting a gastric bypass where they shrunk her stomach size. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Roseanne about various things like how she's having problems having sex with her husband because of her germ phobia. She's seeing a psychiatrist about her problems but hasn't had sex in about 6 months. She says men are full of germs and stink and ''stuff comes out of them'' and that's why she won't have sex with them. Eventually Tom Arnold's name came up. Howard asked Roseanne why she hates him so much. She said that she doesn't really hate him but she's mad at him for some things he's done. It took a few minutes but Howard finally got Roseanne to agree to let him get Tom on the phone. She wasn't going to talk to him but that only lasted for about half a second. Shortly after that they were arguing about a lot of things. Roseanne said that Tom told a friend of hers that he stole $2 Million of her money and had it in a shoe box. Tom denied that the whole time he was on. She told Howard that she'd be willing to forgive him if he just apologized for the things he did to her. She said he used to hit her and he denied it. She said he stole money from her.. He denied it. This went on for quite a while and Tom eventually gave a general apology for anything he's done wrong but he wouldn't do it for the things she brought up today. He did say that he'd be willing to take a lie detector test to prove he's not lying. Roseanne said she'd send in the deposition where Tom allegedly admitted to hitting her. Howard wondered why either of them would get married again after such a bad marriage. Howard eventually had to move on so he brought up Roseanne's band ''Roseanne and the Bar Flys.'' He had a clip of her singing but it was really awful. Howard said he's never heard singing like that. Roseanne said that it's one of her alter-ego's that does the singing. She said it's Candy the 12 year old. She's actually appearing at CBGB's in New York City tonight at 11pm to sing. Roseanne's TV show can be seen daily on various TV stations around the country.

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  -- Friday October 1, 1999 --

• Gary Garver Interviews. 10/1/99. 6:30am
  Los Angeles interviewer Gary Garver went to some celebrity function that Warren Beatty was holding the other day. Howard played tape of a few of his interviews. First up was actor Mike Farrell from ''MASH'' and other TV shows. Gary asked a bunch of dopey questions like ''Do you get laid a lot?'' and ''How often do you masturbate?'' Farrell answered a couple of them but once the got too goofy for him he started to ask Gary questions like ''Do you feel like a fool?'' after each question. The two of them would just ask each other dumb questions and neither one would answer. Farrell finally left after Gary asked him if he'd ever used Viagra. Up next was director Penny Marshall Gary asked her a few questions about Howard like ''Would you ever direct Howard Stern?'' but she kept telling him that she doesn't know him. She walked away pretty quick. Last up was singer Courtney Love of Hole. Gary asked her a couple of questions but when she found out he was from Howard's show she told him that she's been on the show so he should go interview someone else instead of picking on her.

• Stuttering John Interviews. 10/1/99. 6:35am
  Howard had tape of Stuttering John at an event for Evander Holyfield. John first interviewed Evander himself. John asked him questions like:
  • Should Tyson be let back in boxing?
  • Would you trust your children with Michael Jackson?
  • Do you expect to fart during the match?
  • Isn't this fight just another example of black on black violence?
  • Wouldn't you be a better role model if you competed in a more intellectual even like a spelling bee?
  • Do you think you'll end up retarded like Mohammed Ali?
  • Who's your favorite white person?
  • Do you ever frighten white people just for the hell of it?
  • Would you do a homosexual act for a million dollars?
  • Do you ever fart in the Jacuzzi?
  Holyfield stuck around and answered all of John's questions. He barely flinched at any of them. John also got Don King real quick. Here are some of the questions:
  • Would you trust your children with Michael Jackson?
  • Do you hate the Jews like Farakhan hates the Jews?
  • Do you ever fart during a fight?
  • Do you masturbate often?
  • Isn't this fight just another example of black on black violence?
  After each question he rambled on and on in his usual double talk but he stuck around for them all.

• Russ Comes In To Rub KC's Feet. 10/1/99. 6:55am
  This guy Russ contacted the show recently and said he wanted to rub KC's feet. Russ has a foot fetish and thought KC would be a fun rub. Russ came in this morning and was ready to worship KC's feet. He told Howard that KC is his type. KC wasn't so thrilled to go ahead with this though. He told Russ that he's a sick man and he didn't really want to do this. Howard spent a few minutes with Russ finding out about his strange fetish. Russ said that he can actually orgasm just by looking at pictures of feet. He said that he even got one off just looking at a picture of Howard's feet. Russ wanted to take it slow and enjoy KC's feet but KC really resisted. He kept saying that he didn't want to do it over and over again. Howard tried to talk him into it but it wasn't working. Eventually Howard had to let Russ rub his feet first before KC would let it happen. After 15 minutes of arguing he finally let Russ have his foot for 30 seconds. KC finally settled in and just let it happen. He seemed to be enjoying it because his voice settled down in to a mellow tone instead of his usual yelling. After Russ was done he started smelling his hands. Enough said.

• Elephant Boy And Abby Return. 10/1/99. 7:30am
  Fred the Elephant Boy returned this morning with the woman he made a weird porno with. Yesterday Fred came in to promote the web site where the porno was at but Howard put a stop to it because Fred wasn't being paid for it. He told them to come back with a contract and he'd let them promote it. Abby brought a contract in today but after Howard looked at it he suggested that Fred not sign it because there were some loopholes in it. Howard said that if it wasn't plugged the right way then Fred wouldn't get paid. If everything did work out he'd be paid 34% of the net profit. Howard said that was wrong also. He said that Fred should be paid on the gross not the net. Either that or he should get paid up front, perhaps $20,000 for making a fool out of himself. After a lot of arguing with Abby there wasn't much settled. Then Abby's husband Doc called in. He went on to yell and scream about what the deal was with the contract. He wouldn't let Howard get a word in but everything he was saying Howard agreed with. Howard just suggested to Fred that take the contract to an attorney to find out if it's a fair deal. Doc said no matter what he's already selling the tape. The conversation went on for about a half hour and by the end of it Howard had convinced Doc that Fred should go to his own attorney to have the contract reviewed. Howard once again said that when Fred is comfortable with the financial contract he can come back and plug the site.

• The Gossip Game With Guest DL Hugley. 10/1/99. 8:20am
  Actor DL Hugley came in this morning to promote his ABC sitcom ''The Hugleys'' and play the Mike Walker gossip game. Howard was telling DL that they were going to play the game and DL said he doesn't like those gossip mags because one of them wrote a story where they said they'd spoken to him about his biological father and how he found him after years of not knowing him. They spoke about that for a few minutes then got Mike Walker on the phone. Mike was fuming because he thought DL said that it was the National Enquirer that wrote the story. The two of them exchanged a couple of funny wisecracks but eventually calmed down and moved on to the game. DL was really funny with his comments about the National Enquirer. They finally moved on to the game.

  Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:

  1. A Hong Kong executive who bought Ted Kennedy's Virginia mansion is selling it because he thinks it has ''bad karma.''
  2. 27 year old Ricky Martin spends $1000 a week on facial treatments so he can keep his young looks as long as possible.
  3. Salma Hayak has been going to a voice coach so she can lose her latin accent and play more parts in movies.
  4. Hugh Grant went nuts in an airport when he wasn't allowed to remove 10 rolls of film before they went through the x-ray machine.
  Both DL and Howard picked number 1 as the false story. Robin picked number 3 and Jackie picked number 4. The actual false story was number three so Robin won for like the 9th week in a row.

  After the game Howard spent a little while longer talking to DL. Earlier we learned that DL was actually taken from the name Darrel. He told Howard how he grew up in a part of Los Angeles where there were no white people. He thought no white people lived in L.A. until he was 19 years old. He also spoke about how he was in a gang as a kid but he didn't do any major crimes while in the gang. He was a stand-up comedian before getting the show on ABC. He said he did some kind of showcase in front of TV executives and they offered him the show. He said that the day the show was picked up he was in jail for gun possession. He explained how he carries a weapon around and he was going through an airport when the gun was found on him. He said he was going to tell someone that it was in his bag but his road manager sent it through before he had the chance. He got arrested and the same day he found out he got the show. DL is appearing in a ''Kings of Comedy'' show at Madison Square Garden tonight.

• Jasmin St. Claire Wrestles Benjy. 10/1/99. 9:05am
  Porn star Jasmin St. Claire has taken up professional wrestling and today she came in to do a demonstration with fat Benjy. She came in and showed off her huge chest for Howard then Gilbert Gottfried showed up. They all watched as Jasmin and Benjy did a one minute match. Howard told Benjy to take it easy on Jasmin. Benjy said that was fine, he just wanted to touch her anyway. They went at it and Benjy had Jasmin pinned by the end of the match. He said she smelled great and her skin was really nice. After the match we learned that Benjy's prize for winning the match was to give oral sex to Jasmin! Benjy was thrilled about that. He said that women have told him he gives the best oral sex. He didn't seem to mind that Jasmin once did a gang bang where 300 guys did her. He said he'd do whatever she wanted him to. Jasmin promoted her web site Erectvision.com and a few appearances she's making around the country before she left. She was only there for about 10 minutes because the show was so busy today.

• Deaf Comedian Kathy Buckley Comes In. 10/1/99. 9:15am
  Deaf comedian Kathy Buckley came in for a short visit this morning. Kathy was on the show years ago and hasn't been allowed back on since then. Gary got a call from her manager and they told him that she was raped and had cancer so he booked her. When Kathy came in today Howard found out that he'd already spoken to her about all of that. She said she was raped at 16 and the cancer happened before she was on the first time. Kathy was wearing some $4000 hearing aid that allowed her to hear most of what everyone was saying. Gilbert Gottfried was there yelling out stuff so that seemed to irritate Kathy a little bit. Kathy told Howard that she hasn't had sex in over 11 years. Howard found that hard to believe so he asked her if she masturbates at all. She said she never does that either! Gilbert found that hard to believe also. Kathie hung around for a little while and got some plugs in for her one woman show ''Now Hear This'' which is going to be at the Lamb Theater in New York City for 6 months. She also goes around and gives motivational speeches and does some stand-up comedy.

• Gilbert Gottfried Hangs Out During Robin's News. 10/1/99. 9:45am
  Comedian Gilbert Gottfried came in earlier in the show and hung out for Robin's news. He told Howard a story about how the people at the ''Hollywood Squares'' TV show got a call from Marlon Brando after Gilbert did a couple of jokes about him. Brando asked if he was going to be an ongoing joke on the show. Howard and Robin wondered if Brando actually sits and watches the show. Howard moved on from that story and took some calls for Gilbert and talked about his sad sex life. Gilbert will be appearing on ''Hollywood Squares'' quite a bit. He'll also be appearing at Caroline's comedy club October 28 and 29.