Howard Stern Show News Archives.
''Best Celebrity Fight'' was the next category. Here are the nominees:
Howard started off the show talking about how they were going to be rehearsing as The Losers this morning for the upcoming battle of the bands against Barry Williams tomorrow. He said he's got a bunch of other things to get to today as well. He's supposed to be winning an award for Entertainer of the Millennium. Norm MacDonald will be coming in as well.
Howard said he ran into Jon Lovitz yesterday and talked to him about Andy Dick and the problems he's had with him. He said he'll talk more about that later. He said he's got some more F-Emmys to give away. Gary came in and talked about the Jerry Lewis movie that they've been talking about lately where Jerry plays a anti-Semitic clown. He's like to put that movie out over the web or something. They really just want to see the movie. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
Gary told Howard that Barry's people were telling him that there's some kind of thread through all of the songs on his album that they might want to ask him about tomorrow. Howard played some of the original version of ''Rhythm of the Night'' to prepare for this band practice. That's the song they're going to perform against Barry tomorrow. Howard prepared for the band practice and had Steve the Engineer help out with set up.
Everyone was fumbling with their instruments so Howard told them to get their act together and get going. Everyone else sounded fine, Howard was just pounding away on the steel drums not really playing much of anything. Robin asked him if he knew what he was even playing. Fred started to sing but his mic wasn't open. Then they turned his mic on and the instruments could barely be heard. Howard started banging away on the steel drums once again when he was given the signal to start.
Gary was supposed to be playing trumpet but when he was asked to start playing no sound was coming out. Howard kept banging away on those steel drums though. Fred was singing while Scott the Engineer was on the regular drums. Howard said he was really wailing on those steel drums but it was very hard to play with the rope tied to the sticks. He said he was really working hard on that.
Howard asked Fred if he knew he couldn't be heard and why he didn't do anything about it. Gary told Howard he wasn't able to get one sound out with that trumpet. He said he lost his lip but Howard told him those lips aren't lost at all, they're still there. Gary tried to play it again but nothing was coming out. Howard said he thinks that his lips have actually grown.
Howard took some phone calls and let the fans comment on that performance. One guy suggested they just let a cow with a bell around it's neck walk around the studio instead of playing those drums. Howard said it didn't sound that bad. He talked about how the engineers have to get their act together before tomorrow. That led to Howard going off on Scott the Engineer for not having everything set up right. Scott came in and tried to defend himself saying he heard Fred just fine in his headphones. Howard said no one else could so he wondered what the problem was.
Howard and the guys were all complaining about the engineering on the song and how their mic's were all turned down to volumes that couldn't be heard at points during the song. Howard said he's just cursed and he really doesn't want to come to work some days. Howard told Gary not to ever consult Scott on this stuff but Gary said it was actually Richie that set it all up for them and assured him it was all good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the song was horrible. He suggested a Rusty Trombone so Howard told him that was funny and hung up on him. Another guy said that Scott's drumming was awful. He also pointed out that all they could hear was Howard's drums and the bass being played. Stuttering John said he could only hear the bass in his headphones. Howard wanted to hear the replay of the song so he could hear how bad it was.
Gary said that his trumpet was sabotaged and clogged up with something so that's why he wasn't able to play it. He said he'll be prepared for tomorrow though. Howard talked about how he thought his own drumming was great but everyone else told him it was awful. He said he was just trying to get into it.
A caller told Howard he has pictures of Fred's wife kissing and hugging another man if he wanted to see them. Fred said he doesn't believe the guy had anything like that. Howard told the guy to bring them down. He said the guy in the picture is a white guy when Howard asked if he was black or white. The caller said he couldn't make it down there until tomorrow morning so Howard said they'd send someone down to pick them up instead. Howard laughed and said he can't wait to see those pictures.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jackie has a picture of his wife up on his web site and it looks like she's missing a tooth. He wondered if Jackie beats the tar out of her. Jackie didn't get into that so Howard dropped the discussion. He said he's got a bunch of stuff to get to today but he had to go to break.
The kid said his parents have a problem with him not coming back until after curfew. Howard told him he's a pain in the ass just like he said. That's why his parents are giving him a hard time. The kid said that his parents took him to court to try and work things out but that didn't work. Howard said he'd talk to the father and figured the kid was a holy terror.
Howard waited for the father to get on the phone for a short time but the kid couldn't make it happen. Then he got back on the phone and said he had to run off to school because the bus was there. Howard said all the kid has to do is come home on time and it seems pretty simple for him to get out of trouble.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard is very ugly looking and he's crapped out poop better looking than him. He also said that he looks like he's got a smell about him because he looks so bad. He also told Howard that he sucks and he can't get away from the show because his boss makes him listen every day. Howard thanked him for that call and said he was a dick.
Howard said he wanted to see the award. David gave it to him but Howard said it looked like a bowling trophy. He said he'd probably use it to bonk people over the head when they don't listen to him. Robin suggested it could be used for a door stop. Howard said he could use it to beat Scott the Engineer over all of the excuses he was giving for the mixing of the song earlier.
Howard said that this award means a lot if this guy David is telling the truth. He asked David how many people were involved in this vote. He claimed it was a couple hundred thousand but Howard found that hard to believe. He talked to David a little bit about the award and made a little bit of an acceptance speech. He thanked a few people including his agent and even David Manheim. Howard also thanked people like Vinnie Favale and the people helping to create his TV show ''Son of the Beach'' and many other people who have helped him out over the years. He thanked Anne Marie for wearing those tight pants of hers every day. He let David go a short time later and then remembered that he'd forgotten to thank Lonnie from Scores so he got that in as well.
Riley said that he's no longer working at the chicken farm. He said he did work with the Hacketstown Rescue Squad helping them raise some money. He said he is not supposed to be incarcerated from what he's been told. He may have to serve some time doing community service or something. He's pretty sure he'll be stuck in New Jersey for a while and that will kill him knowing that he can't leave the state.
Riley said that he wanted to give a shout out to a couple of people who helped him out in all of this. He did that and then Howard wrapped up with him. He told him to check in after the sentencing. Riley said he would do that.
Howard had Gary the Retard on the phone and he was rambling about something that Howard didn't care about. He said he didn't want to try and figure out what he was talking about. Gary then said hi to Lonnie at Scores and to the rest of the guys there on the show. Gary was saying that his doctor sees him on TV all the time. He said he goes to the doctor for his feet. He's got calluses on his feet that he has to have taken care of. Howard let Gary go a short time later and said he's got to get him in there sometime soon. Howard said he always seems happy and you're probably better off being a retard if you want to be happy all the time. He said he's got great retardation because he's always taken care of and has no worries.
Norm sounded kind of out of it this morning and it turns out he was up all night playing cards. Norm likes to gamble so Howard spent some time talking to him about that. Norm said that he won $9,000 betting on some baseball games. When he played cards last night he lost a mere $1,100. Norm didn't want to talk about all of that stuff but he eventually revealed his losses. Howard asked Norm about the nine grand he won and got the details of all of those bets. He also asked about the card game and how he lost that money.
Norm claims he doesn't have a gambling problem. Artie said that he has a problem himself so he's not one to talk. Norm said that Artie has a drinking problem. Artie told him not to say that, he's got to try and get some work. Howard asked Artie what he's up to these days. Artie said he did a couple of movies including ''The Bachelor.'' He talked about how hot Renee Zellwegger was in that movie. Howard changed the subject and asked Norm about that Nikki Cox chick on his show. Howard was calling her ''Nikki Cock'' so Norm told a story about this guy Bill Macy who did his show and when he met Nikki, he told her that his name was ''Bill Pussy.'' He was forced to apologize to her after that. Norm said that Nikki is a really nice girl.
Norm told Howard that Artie got a phone number from a fat girl at the ABC lot. Artie joked that he gets laid all the time. Howard brought up something he found on the web about the size of Norm's penis. He read that Norm has a huge penis and it's even bigger than Milton Berle's. Norm didn't really confirm or deny the rumor. He did tell a story about how he went out with a woman one time and she thought it was huge but he thinks it was an optical illusion because she was drunk at the time.
Howard asked Norm about dating. Norm claims that he doesn't date, he just whacks off a lot. He's divorced from his wife but lives only a few blocks from her now. He said it's great because he gets to visit his kid a lot. Howard said the best thing is that he can bring the kid back to his wife when he gets tired.
Howard asked Norm about David Spade and all of the hot chicks he gets. They spent a short time talking about him and how a lot of hot chicks hang out with him but no one is sure if he's getting laid. Norm said that David doesn't like to hang out with him. Howard said he'd like to hang with Norm and play cards or something. He said he wouldn't want to look like a pussy when he plays. Norm told him the best thing to do is go to a casino to play cards.
Howard asked Norm when he finished playing cards. He said he actually just finished a few hours ago. Howard asked him if he has bets on some games going already today. Norm and Artie talked about some of the games they'd be betting on. Artie said that he thinks the Yankees are going to win this week and he'd be pretty safe with that bet. Howard took a call from a guy who said Norm sounds like he's ''on the pipe'' but Norm said that was just from staying up late. He said he doesn't have any drug problems or drinking problems either.
Howard asked norm if he would go to a Saturday Night Live reunion show because he read he was asked to do that. Norm said he wasn't sure. He said he's not sure if the guys who fired him would be at the 25th anniversary show. Norm said he spoke to Eddie Murphy about doing his show. Howard wondered how he met him and found out he worked with him on ''Dr. Doolittle.'' He said it was tough to talk to someone like that on the phone. Howard said it is weird when someone famous calls like that. He said he spoke to John Bon Jovi the other night and John asked him to go out for a beer but he had to go to bed so he didn't go. He said he used to talk to David Letterman at home but Dave stopped calling him because he would talk about their conversations on the air.
Norm said he heard that Howard was going to a psychiatrist so he told a story about going to one himself. He said that about a week after he went, he read in the paper that the guy had killed himself. He was a complete mess and he felt guilty about it because he was wasting his time with his nonsense.
Howard asked Norm more about dating but Norm claimed that he never dates. He said that he just doesn't date anyone and just masturbates. He took some phone calls after that and one guy said he loved that movie ''Dirty Work.'' Howard said he never saw the movie. He said he was asked to be in the movie playing the part of the devil but he turned it down.
Howard asked the guys how it is working on a sitcom. Norm said it's easy for Artie. Artie said he hardly has to spend any time there but Norm works hard. Howard said he's never done a sitcom but he did work on the Garry Shandling show ''Larry Sanders'' which was similar. He said they didn't have an audience though. He talked about how they drag on the taping for a really long time. He said Garry Shandling was wondering why he was eating yogurt in the scene but Howard said he had to tell them that he just had to get going and couldn't stick around there waiting for them to figure that nonsense out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to be on his show but had no experience. Howard hung up on him and ended up talking more about this Saturday Night Live special with Norm. Norm said he'll do it if he can do some funny stuff on there. Howard took some more phone calls after that and one guy complained about the beer commercials that Norm was doing. Norm said they're great commercials and he got some good money to do them. He said he only had to do one commercial and it only took one day to do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was back in Vegas in August and saw Norm playing craps with some hot chick. Norm said he was there at the Mirage. The caller said the chick was tall, long blonde hair... Howard asked Norm why he lies about that stuff. Norm said it was probably just some girl who was at the table. The caller said he was stalking Norm all night and he knows that he was with her.
Gary told Howard that Norm had to get going soon. Howard wondered where he had to go. Norm said he was doing Regis' show and he didn't want them to book it on the same day but that's the way things worked out. Howard told Norm he should have gotten some sleep before doing all of these shows. Norm said he thought he'd have super energy if he stayed up all night.
Howard told Norm that he should talk to Kathie Lee on the sweat shop problem she's been having with her clothing line. He said that might get him booted off the show though. Howard told him to ask her something simple like ''Do you hate Howard more on radio or on TV?'' Norm said that maybe he could reconcile them on that show. Howard said that maybe he should just ask her if she uses a dildo or if she's ever had a three way with a she-male. Howard said he did that show one time but not when Kathie Lee was on, it was someone else.
Howard and the guys talked about Kathie Lee and how messed up she seems to be as a mother. Howard was saying that she's pushing her kid into being a celebrity and it's just wrong to do that. Howard then suggested that Norm ask Kathie Lee if she's ever seen Regis' penis. He saw that he had Harry Shearer on the phone so he had to move on to that. He had to wrap up with Norm a short time later because he had to get going. They went to break after that.
Howard heard that the movie was locked up in a vault because Jerry owes people money and they just can't release it. There was another story about how the movie was just so awful that no one would want to see it. Harry said he heard that there was some Iranian money involved in the production and among some assets that were seized at one time were the negatives for the movie. Howard didn't think that could be the story either.
Howard asked Harry how he got so lucky to see the movie and if he could somehow get a chance to see it himself. Harry said he knows this guy who had the movie at his fingertips for a short time but he's no longer able to get his hands on the movie. He said that person was involved with the telethon at the time but that person is no longer involved. He said that the person got the tape and showed it to him when he had access to it.
Harry said that he got an e-mail from someone who said he saw some of the movie and they had found some of the elements from the movie in a cardboard box. Harry said there's another reason that he may have made the movie was because he owned some movie theaters in the past and he figured he could have put that movie into them.
Harry told Howard that he sat in the home of this person and watched the movie even though it was never completed. They hadn't put the music into the movie yet but it didn't hurt it. He said that you just sit there stunned watching the movie. He said Jerry tried to do the movie ''real'' so it wasn't fun. He said that it's not a funny movie and Jerry is playing the part straight. Harry said that this was 20 years ago or so that he saw the movie. He said he watched the whole thing and there was no way he was going to stop it while he had the chance to watch it. Harry said that there were no other big names in the movie. Gary came in and told Howard he heard some stories about some of the other people in the movie and the lead woman in it was horrified by the final result of the movie.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Harry about the Jerry movie. Howard heard that Jerry actually yelled at one of the kids for looking into the camera. He said that Harry is one of the few people who actually got to see that movie. Howard said he has a script from the movie but hasn't seen the actual movie yet. Harry said if he ever gets to see it again, he'll make a copy of it for him. Gary said that's the one thing that they've never been able to get a copy of even though people send them stuff all the time.
Gary said he's going to try and get in touch with Jerry to see if they can work something out to get the movie released. Howard said he'd love to be the one to get the movie released to the public. He said they could offer Jerry 500 pair of crutches and a wheelchair to give to his kids.
Howard demanded that Tom bring in the list of stuff that was edited out of the show. The caller said he's sick of this stuff just as much as Howard is. Gary came in and said that Andre is willing to come in and talk about it but he needs someone to cover the button. He needs Tom Chiusano to go cover it while he comes in to talk about it. Andre showed up a short time later and said that he didn't want to talk about it on the air. He wanted to wait until after the show. The caller was telling him that he's ruining the show and he has to stop doing that.
Howard asked Andre how many times he's hit the delay today. Andre said it's about 4 times but Howard hit it about twice. Howard wanted to know what he dumped out of. Howard hit it on the curse words so he wondered what Andre was dumping out of. He told Andre ''Take less dumps!'' Andre said it's not just him, it's going to be anyone who sits in the room and hits the delay. Howard told him that he hits the delay and it's very unclear why.
Stuttering John came in so Howard told him to go up and talk to Tom to get the list of things they hit the delay on. The caller told Andre that maybe he should stay off the button and let Howard handle the censoring himself. That would never happen. Howard said he wants the list of things he's getting dumped on during the show so he can see what he's losing.
Gary said Tom was willing to let them talk about what was censored out of the show. Howard said he could talk about it in a way that they wouldn't have to hit the delay again. That led to the guys goofing on Tom and doing their impressions of him as a robot. Andre came back in a minute later and said he knows this is going to piss Howard off. Andre showed Howard the list and Howard went through it to let people know what they missed. Howard said that Andre bleeped out the word ''poop'' for no apparent reason. Tom came in a few seconds later as Howard was reading through the list.
Howard asked Tom why they're bleeping out the term ''full penetration'' and why that is. Tom said it depends on the context it's said in. Howard talked about that and then Andre suggested that he hit the button on that. Tom said they didn't have to in this context. Jackie said that Andre is very busy back in the back flipping a coin with all of that crap. The caller yelled at Tom and told him to just take Howard off the air if this is the way they're going to ruin the show. That led to Howard talking about how they can say the S-word in a song but he can't. He wondered what was up with that double standard. No one was sure about anything regarding this censorship stuff.
Tom said that this is a very imperfect science because they have very vague guidelines to go by. Howard told the caller, Bob, that he didn't know what to tell him. He's not sure what else he can do. He wanted someone to be there to tell Howard when the delay is hit so Howard offered to let this caller be the person who does that. Tom was upset that the caller couldn't say anything other than ''G.D.'' (God Damn). Howard told Tom to grow up and just say God Damn instead of G.D. The caller threw in one more as Howard was wrapping up with Tom and Andre.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Norm was feeling up Kathie Lee on Regis' show. He didn't mention Howard or do any of the stuff Howard suggested he do. Howard had to go to break a short tome later.
Sam was saying that there are other things that should be censored but aren't. He talked about a school shooting thing and how some of the kids there ended up in hell. Howard said he didn't want to go there and said that they might have to hit the button on him.
Sam said that Don Imus is such a loser that his whole show should be one long edit. He goofed on him for a short time. Howard said he loves talking to Sam and would like to hear from him some more. Sam asked them to send him some coke and threw in that ''Alan Funt is a dick'' as he was hanging up.
Howard told Gary that he should have left about 5 hours early instead of just a few hours. Gary said that would have been ridiculous. He's made the trip a million times and there's never been trouble. He gave himself plenty of time but this one time it didn't work out for him. Gary said that he's still in negotiations with them about what kind of money they're going to pay him. He said he really doesn't care what they give him now because they really weren't that nice to him.
Howard told Gary that he should have left in the afternoon and he would have been there on time. Gary said there was no way he could have predicted that there would be an accident on the way there. He said he's never had this kind of trouble in the past, it was just this one time that he did. Gary said the trip is a 2 hour and 50 minute drive from his house and he gave himself an extra hour to get there. Howard told him he should have gone up early and gotten a hotel room. They went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard told Gary he should probably leave now for his next appearance. He said that if it were him, and he finished work on a Friday morning, he'd drive up early that day to be sure he was there on time for the appearance. Gary said he thinks he's just saying that in hindsight when that's not fair. He said there was some other upsetting things about the whole ordeal but he didn't want to talk about them on the air. He said that it had to do with money and he figured the station up there wouldn't want him to discuss it. Howard let Gary go and had Robin start her news after that.
The woman came in a few minutes later so Howard asked her what was going on. Her name was Charity and she said that she's not crazy, she's a hugger. She said that she can burp and her friend's told her to go down there to get on the show. She did that real quick and Howard didn't think she was all that wacky. KC said she was standing on her head when he found her out in the green room. Howard told KC that he was the insane one, not her. Howard said she was just a hippie type.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Charity before he kicked her out. She asked for hugs from Howard and Robin but neither of them were willing to hug her. KC didn't want to hug her but Howard told him to go for it. KC told the guys that his final masterpiece had not been done yet as if it were some kind of weird, cryptic message about offing everyone in the studio or something. Howard had Robin finish up her news after that. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 9:55am (Master Tape Theatre time)
Howard started off the show talking about how cold it was in the studio. He was also talking about Kathie Lee, Diana Ross and other things that were in the news. He mentioned all of the guests they had coming in as well. He said that Gary said the word ''coupe de gras'' the wrong way in a meeting the day before. Gary said he would never say it wrong but both Howard and Jackie said that he did say it wrong. Howard got off that subject and moved on to other things.
Howard brought up Kathie Lee and said he can't figure that broad out. Robin said she thought that Frank Gifford was just married to a wacky wife but now it seems that both of them are wacky. Howard said that Kathie Lee's sweat shops are apparently still in existence and they've just moved them to other countries. Kathie Lee was in some meetings over that and Frank Gifford crashed the meeting to defend his wife.
Howard asked Robin if she had tape from that meeting that was crashed. She said she didn't have any but it must exist somewhere. She told Howard some of the details about it. Howard also brought up Diana Ross because she was searched at a metal detector at the airport and someone may have touched her breast. Howard said that she thinks that she's better than that and doesn't think that she should be searched.
Robin said she met Diana one time and she was told that she was happy that she had enjoyed the concert after seeing her out in the audience. Howard figured that she knew who she was, that's the only reason she'd say something like that to her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone has George C. Scott in the death pool. Howard said that no one had it, he'd just checked. Howard also told the guy that he had to get to the segment where he goofed on Tom Chiusano. The guys spent a few minutes talking about George C. Scott's death. They talked about how that guy had some hot chicks over the years.
Howard mentioned that they have a new Saturday Night TV show this week. He quickly got in a plug for that and then spent a short time talking about baseball. Gary came in and brought that up. They were talking about these players who seem to be juiced up and are hitting tons of home runs.
Howard said that the Losers are going to be performing with Barry ''Greg Brady'' Williams today. He said that they're also going to have Gay Ramone in to dance during that segment. Gary said that guy thinks that KC is definitely gay. Howard said he doesn't think that KC is gay but he'd like to hear that guy's thoughts on him.
Howard found an audio clip of Frank Gifford defending his wife at a Washington DC press conference. He was talking about how his kids have to see all of this stuff going down and his wife is unraveling because of it. Howard said he would never go to a press conference like that if it was his wife. He can't imagine why Frank would do such a thing. Howard played more audio of Kathie Lee and Frank talking about the sweat shops.
Dennis and Howard spent the 20 minute interview talking about the same old stuff. Howard found out that Dennis spends quite a bit of money in Las Vegas. He used to say that he gave a lot of his money to charity. This morning he said the charity was Las Vegas. Howard asked him about the kind of money he bets out there. They talked about that stuff and about the new movie Dennis is in.
Howard also spoke to Dennis about his recent arrest. He was arrested for being drunk in public but now the charges have been dropped because there wasn't really any evidence. Howard also asked Dennis if he's banging a lot of women. Dennis said he's not but he has gotten laid in the last 4 days.
Howard talked to Dennis about the woman he had a baby with. Dennis said that it was a white chick but didn't say who it was. Dennis kept cursing so Howard had to ask him to stop with that. Howard and Dennis talked about the time Dennis got arrested for being drunk. Dennis claimed that he wasn't drunk though.
Howard took some phone calls for Dennis. One woman called in and asked him if he had sprained his penis lately. Dennis said he wasn't having any problems with that.
Dennis said that he's dating someone now but he wouldn't give out her name. Howard got him to give her initials out though. Dennis said they were T.P. Gary figured out that it may be Carmen Electra because her real name is Tara Patrick. Dennis wouldn't admit that it was her though. He denied that the two of them are back together.
Dennis also said that he will play basketball again but he doesn't know which team he'll play for. He said he would like to play for the Los Angeles Clippers but that's not set in stone. He said he has to play somewhere that it's warm. He said he'd play for the Knicks but it gets too cold in New York. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
It didn't take Howard long to bring up a rumor about Chuck having a big penis. Chuck then went into a story about how he had a Cherokee Indian name that meant ''Well Hung'' given to him by an old Indian. He told the old guy that he wanted to know the Cherokee word for wolf. The guy told him what he thought was ''Washow.'' He went around for years using that name thinking it meant wolf. Then some other Indians told him that washow meant well hung. The correct word for would is something like washay. Chuck also said that he has a nude picture of himself at the age of 5 and he had a big one back then. Howard figured Gina must have been frightened by the size of his penis but she just said he was very attractive.
Chuck also spent a little bit of time talking about the work out machine that he does infomercials for. He explained how he got the guys who invented it to modify it for home use and now they've sold over $250 million worth of machines. While they were talking about working out Chuck said that Gina's body fat was at like 12%. Howard was surprised that he knows that much about her. He then asked Chuck if he knew Gina's eye color. Chuck said brown but she actually has blue eyes. Howard tried to save Chuck and said that they looked brown from where he was sitting. Gina wasn't too happy about that.
Chuck spent a little bit of time telling Howard about their trip to Africa and how they were chased by an elephant. Then there was the story about Chuck doing a drug bust with some cops down in Texas. He told Howard that he's actually a real cop in some town in Texas and he was asked to go along for the bust. He was actually assigned to be a team leader in the bust. The bust went down and Chuck read the guy his rights. The guy then recognized Chuck and asked if they were making a movie. The case was later thrown out of court because Chuck was part of it and the guy thought it was all a joke or something.
Before Chuck left Howard plugged his TV show ''Walker, Texas Ranger'' which airs on CBS Saturday nights. They're in their 7th season now.
Howard moved on to the Tom goof and explained what went on with that. Howard learned that whenever there is a new set of interns on the show General Manager Tom Chiusano gives them a speech. Howard decided to take the new set of interns and have them ask Tom all kinds of wacky questions and secretly tape them. Yesterday Howard took all of the interns and rehearsed them for an hour and a half. He played the part of Tom and the interns would ask the questions. Howard played a little bit of the rehearsal and it showed how much time he took making sure the questions were just right. Then he played the tape of the actual meeting.
The first thing on the tape is Tom giving a long boring speech about what it's going to be like working on the show and how they may be subjected to some pornographic material. He even said that there's an ''unbelievable amount'' of it there. Then he tells them that if they don't want to file away a Penthouse magazine or a XXX tape they don't have to do that. Then the tape goes to the first question. The intern asks Tom if there's anyway they can be reimbursed for transportation into the city. Tom quickly said that there is no money for that and that's part of the downside to an internship at the station. Tom was already irritated by the questions.
The intern kept asking about money and Tom just had to tell him that there is none. Then the next intern asked if they get free CD's that come in. Tom then explained that sometimes there may be some free stuff but it might not be the most recent stuff. They also asked if there would be free concert tickets or backstage passes. Once again, they don't really provide that type of thing but they may get them into a concert if they're working there.
Then an intern asked if they'd be paid when they get on the air like they do at the Letterman show. Once again, Tom had to say no to that. Another intern said that her car was damaged on the way to work and asked if she could be reimbursed for that. Once again, NO. Then she says that she'd like to get on the air and she might have the initiative to go out on the street and interview ''..homeless people and nig*ers..'' Tom goes ''Homeless people and???..'' She pretends that she doesn't know that the word ''nig*er'' is offensive. Tom tells her that ''.. The word nig*er is pejorative in this country.'' Howard then spent about 5 minutes goofing on the way Tom handled that question. Robin said it sounded like his ''robot chip'' blew up. They said it sounded like he couldn't compute that word in his robot mind. They also couldn't believe the word pejorative was used by Tom.
Howard continued the tape and Tom went on to tell the English intern that she should go to KC with her creative ideas. The next intern asked Tom if it's okay if he meets a girl and she wants to sleep with him because he's on the Stern show. Tom then asked if it was a goof for the show. Kathy quickly said no and Tom went on to tell the intern that he doesn't direct other's morals and if he thinks it's okay to do that then it's up to him.
The next question was ''What exactly do you do?'' and Tom explained his job. They also asked Tom if he was responsible for hiring Howard. Tom, surprisingly, didn't take credit for that. Then they asked if he was responsible for bringing the Greaseman to K-Rock. Tom did admit that was ultimately his doing. Tom was running late so he told the interns that he would take two more questions. One asked if it would be a good idea to go out on the street and throw feces on someone for a bit. Tom said that wouldn't be appropriate. Finally they asked if they could use Howard's personal bathroom. Tom told them no and said he had to get going. Howard said after that meeting Tom told Kathy Tobin that she sure picked an odd bunch of interns.
First thing Howard asked Barry was why he doesn't just change his name to Greg Brady. Barry said he's known as a lot of things but he likes his real name. Howard also said he couldn't figure out why he did his album. Barry said it was a nostalgia thing for him because the songs are what he heard growing up.
Howard spent some time interviewing Barry about what's been going on in his life. Barry said that he got married 10 months ago to an investment banker. He said that he was married one other time but he doesn't talk about that mess. He said that the marriage didn't end well.
Howard also asked him if he got laid much when he was growing up as Greg Brady. He said he had his fair share of women. He sort of dated co-star Maureen McCormick but they didn't have sex. He said they did everything but that though. Barry only made about $1000 an episode back then but he said his parents invested the money for him and he has a nice nest egg growing for him.
They spent a few minutes talking about the guy who played the father on ''The Brady Bunch'' also. Barry said by the end of the series they all pretty much knew that the guy was gay. Barry said that he never came on to him though.
One of the girls back in Howard's office, Anne Marie, has always liked Barry and she was really excited to meet him. She came in almost in tears because she was so thrilled today. She told him that she grew up watching the Brady's and thought that Greg was really ''Groovy.'' She said she still watches the show today. She was thrilled when Howard told her she could sit in while Barry performed his song. She got to hold hands with him for a little while also.
Howard eventually got around to doing the song but he had some extra stuff going on. Dan the Farter came in to blast some nasty farts during the song and Ramone the gay guy came in to be a go-go dancer during the song. They all got into place and they started off the song ''Rhythm of the Night.'' Howard was playing steel drums, badly, and Gary came in with his awful trumpet playing at a couple of points. Dan the Farter was blasting away and we later found out that he crapped on the floor! He was trying just a little too hard. Barry was a good sport about all of this. He sang right through the song and didn't even seem to mind the crap on the floor. Jackie was gagging in the background after seeing the crap on the floor.
Barry managed to get a plug in for BarryWilliams.com while they were talking about the mess. He told Howard he had a great time though. Howard wrapped things up and plugged Barry's album and Nick at Night's 30th anniversary of the Brady Bunch celebration that takes place on Sunday from 9pm-12am this week.
Dan the Farter returned to blast Robin's news theme. He said he had to go to the bathroom to clean up his mess. He thought everything was out of his system during the Barry Williams thing but it wasn't. Jackie pointed out that Barry was the only one who would have seen Dan make the mess. Howard soon had Dan warm up for the news theme. Then they played her music and Dan farted right along with it with some really long, juicy blasts. Howard called him the ''Dave Matthews of diarrhea' and the ''Da Vinci of doot.'' Dan has a web site under construction and said he'd announce it the next time he's on.
KC came in, freaked out, and yelled at Dan when he saw more crap on the floor. Dan said he didn't do it but there was some shiny stuff on the floor. It turned out Dan wasn't aware that he'd done it again but it was from him of course. KC made him clean it up this time. Dan asked Howard if he'd sign the folded up mess but Howard told him to get out of there.
Howard also heard that Rocky had a bunker in his house so he asked him about that. Rocky talked about that and about how he thinks that there could be life on other planets after the guys asked him about that. Howard told him it was nice working with him and let him go a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and read through a bunch of stories and then Howard took a call from a woman Bonnie who is working with Robin to approve her adopting cats. Howard spent a few minutes talking to the two of them about that and wondered why Robin wanted so many. She had 5 cats already and she was going to pick up another one this week. Howard also told Bonnie about how Jackie's cat Timmy had been killed when it got out of his house. Fred played his ''Jackie Killed Me'' song parody after that story came up. Howard let Bonnie go and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:05 (Master Tape Theatre time).
After the game Roger hung around and reviewed a couple of movies with Howard. Howard asked Roger about a couple of movies and Roger told him whether or not he liked it. Here are a few that he reviewed: