MarksFriggin.com - Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 6/21/99 to 6/25/99

-- Monday June 21, 1999 (Replayed on Master Tape Theatre April 10, 2011) --

Doughty From Soul Coughing Calls In. 6/21/99. 6:30am
This guy Doughty from the group Soul Coughing called in this morning to tell Howard how Ricky Martin ripped off their biggest hit ''Super Bon Bon.'' Ricky has a song called ''Shake Your Bon Bon'' which is very close to the same sound of the Soul Coughing song. Doughty told Howard they can't sue Ricky because the notes are off by just enough that they don't have a case against him. Doughty just wants some credit for the song since it is so close to it. When Howard heard there was no case he really didn't have much else to talk to the guy about so he quickly rapped up the conversation. Later in the show Doughty called back and said he wanted a clip of Gary's ''Babapology'' tape to use for a song parody. He wants to take the part where Gary does a fake stammer when he says the word ''Marriage'' and use it in a song. Howard said he'd send the tape along to him right away.
The Gary ''Babapology'' Tape Gets One Last Play. 6/21/99. 7:10am
Howard got so many requests for a replay of Gary's apology tape that he decided to play it one last time all the way through. Believe it or not they found even more things to goof on in the tape. This time Howard was making fun of the way Gary is holding the microphone in the tape. He holds it like he doesn't know how to use his thumb. Howard said he noticed it on Friday when they played the tape for the first time but he didn't want to point it out then. Howard played it all the way through without too many interruptions today. They only stretched it out to about 30 minutes instead of the 50 minutes it lasted on Friday. Howard is still laughing at the tape and said it's the greatest. The tape is supposed to make it to the syndicated Saturday night show this week. Tune in if you can.
The Houston & Brad Prom Date Story. 6/21/99. 7:45am
This 18 year old kid Brad who won a date with porn star Houston came in this morning to talk about what happened over the weekend. Houston was on via satellite to tell her side of the story. Brad's mother and sister also came in with him this morning. Houston was dressed in bottomless jeans and a bathing suit top on Howard's TV screen. Brad told Howard about everything that happened on Saturday. Brad said that there were about 200 people outside of his house before the prom and a bunch of people in the house for the pre-prom party. Houston showed up around 3:15 dressed in her prom dress. She took this serious like it was her own prom. Most of Brad's family enjoyed meeting Houston. The one person who wasn't too happy about it all was Brad's mother's boyfriend. He didn't want to be seen at the pre-party for some reason. Brad's mother didn't want to talk about that though. Brad told Howard that he and Houston kissed for the first time in their limo. They were alone in a limo with the E! camera crew while his friends rode in their own limo. Howard asked Houston if she was getting excited by kissing Brad. She said she was but she needed more to really get off. Eventually Brad got embarrassed by the discussion so he asked to have his mother and sister leave the studio. Howard had them moved back to the green room so they could listen there. Brad told Howard that he didn't get anymore than a kiss from Houston and he wasn't looking for anything else. Houston said he acted like a perfect gentleman. When they arrived at the prom Brad said everyone was looking at them. They stayed together the whole night but Houston did dance with at least one other guy at the prom. Brad said that there were teachers buying drinks for Houston. He also said there were a lot of hypocrites there. Two girls who were against Houston going to the prom actually spent quite a while talking to her at the prom. He also said that the Principal of the school thanked Houston for coming to the prom. Before the prom he was quoted in the paper saying that he didn't want her to come. A lot of people interrupted the two of them during the night just to take pictures of them. After the prom they went to Houston's hotel room so everyone could change. At one point Houston came out of the bathroom topless because she needed help getting her dress off. After that they went to some 18 and older club that Brad said just sucked. There was some midget at the club who did something to Houston but we didn't hear exactly what it was because the delay was hit during Brad's description. Howard asked Brad if he got any oral sex from Houston that night. Houston said she would have done it but he didn't really try to get any. Houston is coming back to New York on July 14 so the two of them are going to hook up again. Maybe this time he'll get some sex from her. Houston said that his mother got Houston to promise not to get him in to porn. Brad said he's thought about it but he'd rather be a regular actor. For some pictures of Brad's prom date check out www.silive.com/prom.
Happy(?) Father's Day Howard. 6/21/99. 8:50am
Howard said that he didn't get any cards or gifts for Father's day yesterday. He got a couple of quick mentions from his wife and kids but they didn't get him any gifts or even a card. He said his youngest daughter Ashley made him a card at school but no one else did anything. Gary came in and said that his wife did everything for him yesterday. She made him breakfast, let him go for a bike ride and even bar-b-q'd dinner for him. He got cards and gifts from his kids and wife. Howard said it didn't really bother him that they didn't do anything until everyone at the radio station brought it up. Howard believes that his kids do love him and a gift or card really don't mean that they love him anymore than they do already. There's always next year. Robin said she can't imagine them not recognizing what a great father he really is. She thinks they should recognize that and acknowledge that.
Gary Garver Interviews Donny Osmond. 6/21/99. 9:05am
Howard played tape of an interview Gary Garver did with Donny Osmond recently. Donny recognized the Los Angeles Stern Show reporter from a previous interview and actually let him ask some questions. Donny was a good sport but his publicist started pulling Gary away halfway through the interview. Here are some of the questions Gary asked:
- Do you want your children to go into the same profession as you?
- Has being a Mormon hurt your career?
- Do you wish you had a more dangerous image?
Those were the easy questions. Donny answered they with no problem and even seemed happy to be there. By now the publicist was trying to pull Gary away but Donny insisted that Gary ask a few more questions... what a mistake.
- Does your wife have a vibrator?
- Does your wife pleasure herself?
- Do you pleasure yourself?
- Have fellatio or cunnilingus been discussed between you and your wife?
- Does your wife know that you pleasure yourself?
- Did your parents enjoy anal sex?
Donny said ''Next question'' to the vibrator and pleasuring questions but did say ''Yes'' to the fellatio question. When asked about his wife knowing about his pleasuring himself he just repeated ''My wife knows everything about me.'' a couple of times. The last question was the one that drove Donny away without a good answer.
Hank The Dwarf's Seizure. 6/21/99. 9:50am
Howard made a very quick mention about Hank the angry, drunken dwarf suffering from a seizure recently. He didn't tell the story, he just said he should have talked about it today. Hopefully we'll hear more about it tomorrow.
-- Tuesday June 22, 1999 --
Cellular Phone Talk. 6/22/99. 6:30am
Howard took a phone call from King of all Blacks this morning. King was on a cordless phone which pissed him off. That led to a whole long discussion about how Howard wants to get a new cellular phone but doesn't know which one to get. King told him that he has one that's great. They spoke about a bunch of different phones and Howard finally decided on an Erikson phone after his hair dresser told him that it's great. The whole reason King called in was to ask Howard for money so he could get his girl an abortion. Howard pointed out that the guy has all of these toys like a cell phone and crap but he can't afford the $700 for an abortion. What kind of crap is that? Howard told him that there's no way he'd loan him the money.
Aaron Silverman, The Next Howard Stern? 6/22/99. 7:00am
This 19 year old kid Aaron Silverman came in today. He's been calling the show for quite a while now and always scams his way on the show. He's done some pretty creative phoney calls and Howard always likes them so he let him come in. Aaron told Howard that he wants to be some kind of entertainer some day. He's even thought of getting on radio. The one problem he has is a speech slur like Howard's buddy Ralph has. Howard played an example of Aaron's phoney call when he called in as a kid who had just killed his mother. It was pretty entertaining but Aaron wasn't the funny one. It was Howard goofing on the whole situation that was funny. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Aaron and most of them told the kid that he has no talent and no chance of becoming famous. The kid works at a club in Pittsburgh called Club Erotica. He's well on his way to stardom.
Rapper/Pimp JT Money Comes In. 6/22/99. 7:20am
Rapper JT Money came in this morning to do some interesting judging for Howard. Apparently JT is not only a rapper but also a pimp. Howard interviewed him for a short period of time about his life and found out that he has 3 kids but isn't married. After the interview Howard brought in 5 different women one at a time. JT would quickly give his opinion about how much money each woman could make as a whore. Howard didn't do very formal introductions but found out a little bit about each woman. The first woman was an exotic dancer from Rhode Island. JT said that she could probably get $500 for a quickie. She was pretty hot according to Howard and JT. The second woman was a body builder who was the size of Nicole Bass according to Howard. He called her ''Lou Ferrigno with boobs.'' I didn't catch a dollar amount for her but I believe it was the same as number one. The third woman was an adult film star by the name of Jill Kelly. JT said that she could fetch around $1000 an hour if she was a whore. Number 4 was a black nude dancer. JT said she is in the $500 range for whoring. Number 5 was a 21 year old beer distribution manager with a baby face. JT said she is also in the $500 range. So there you have it. Howard played a little bit of JT's album ''Pimpin On Wax'' which is available everywhere.
The Babapolgy Transcripts. 6/22/99. 8:20am
Howard had someone transcribe the Gary apology tape from last week so he could do his own interpretive read of it himself. He did just that this morning. Howard did his best Gary impression and read some of his favorite parts. He said that he's going to have celebrity guests do readings of it also. Someone suggested that I put a copy of the transcript here on MarksFriggin.com but I don't have the audio to transcribe from. If you have a copy, please let me know so I can get the thing up here.
Hank The Dwarf's Seizures. 6/22/99. 8:40am
Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf's manager Doug Goodstein came in to talk about Hank's health scare. Last week they were doing an appearance out in California. Hank hadn't had a drink in while so since he's so addicted to the alcohol, his body went nuts and caused a seizure on stage at his appearance. Doug said it lasted about 3 minutes but it was a very long 3 minutes. Doug said it was very scary. When Hank came out of it he refused to go to the hospital. The EMT's that were there said that he needed to either go to the hospital or drink some alcohol. Hank's first choice was the drinks.. 7 hours later Hank was on stage introducing some bands and he went into another major seizure. This time there was blood coming out of his mouth. It turns out he bit his tongue. Doug said he was bright red, his back was arched and his hands were like claws. This time after Hank came out of it Doug insisted that he go to the hospital. Hank has been there ever since and this happened late last week. Hank didn't want to stay at the hospital but they called in a psychiatrist and put him on a 48 hour hold. Legally Hank could have left but the hospital thought it would be best for him to stay there. Howard tried to get in touch with Hank but they were unable to do so. When they get in touch with him I'll be sure to post the info here.
Queen For A Day - Free Breast Implants. 6/22/99. 8:55am
Two women came in this morning to compete for breast implants courtesy of Dr. Sal Calabro. Howard sang a little tune for the women as they came in. The first woman, 21 year old Sonya, told her sad stories of being molested between the ages of 6 and 10 first. Then she said when her breasts developed they were different sizes. At age 15 she was raped by her 21 year old boyfriend after her prom. Another boyfriend cheated on her and left her. She wants to get the implants to become a stripper so she can make money to put herself through school. She also just had a baby 3 months ago. Howard said she looked pretty good for just having the kid. She later showed her breasts to everyone and they didn't look that bad. They were a little different in size but not that much. The second contestant was Kathy. Kathy is a 40 year old who says her breasts are sagging. She showed her breasts and they weren't that bad either. She also claims to have been molested as a child and was verbally abused by one of her 4 husbands. She just recently left her 2 kids, who are 24 and 17, to get her own life in New York City. Sonya showed Howard her nice ass also so Kathy had to show hers. She also had to show everyone her nasty scar that went from one hip to the other across her stomach. Howard seemed like he was going to go with Kathy because he thought Sonya looked too good to get the implants. Everyone else pretty much agreed that Sonya would put the implants to better use so that's the way the votes went. Howard even changed his mind to pick Sonya but advised her that she really shouldn't mess with her nice body. That was the biggest surprise of the whole thing. Howard advising AGAINST implants? Howard did tell Kathy that if she wanted to try it again in the future she could. She just needs to do some exercise to get rid of some fat. Gary said he could probably hook her up with Crunch fitness to get her in shape. When Dr. Calabro is done with Sonya we may be able to get some before and after pics on his web site.
Comedian Richard Belzer Comes In. 6/22/99. 9:45am
Actor/Comedian Richard Belzer came in to hang out during the news today. Belzer's TV show ''Homicide'' was canceled after last season so Howard figured he was unemployed now. Today Belzer announced that his character, John Munch, was picked up by TV show ''Law and Order'' so he'll now be appearing on that show. When Belzer first came in Howard said there was something unusual about his look. Belzer told Howard that he didn't have a face lift or liposuction, he just had new teeth put in. Benjy told Howard he thought Belzer had a stroke or something because he wasn't using his right arm. Gary even thought the guy had Bells Palsey which paralyzes one side of your face. None of that is true according to Belzer. Belzer was also in to promote his new book ''Ufos, JFK and Elvis : Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe.'' Belzer has always spoken out about conspiracies and has now put his thoughts in a book. Belzer said he's out on a book tour and he's filming it all and is hoping that he can turn it into a movie in the near future. Belzer stuck around through Robin's news segment to comment on the day's stories.
Meet Little Johnny. 6/22/99. 10:30am
Late in the show this little guy calling himself ''Little Johnny'' showed up at the station. Howard let him in thinking he was a midget or something. It turns out he suffers from Cerebral Palsey which stunted his growth. Howard said he looks like a little kid. Little Johnny said that he's interested in getting a date like Scott and Grandpa did a couple months back. They were able to get laid by this whore by the name of Anastasia. Howard told Johnny that he was too big of a mess to get a date for. Then Gary came in and told Howard how Johnny does get laid. He saved up his money and flew out to Las Vegas and went to a whore house called the Chicken House. He got to pick his own whore for $500. They went back to a trailer and Johnny got to bang her. It went on so long that the whore got made. He went a solid half hour without stopping. When he asked the whore if they could change positions she told him it would cost him another $500. So it looks like Johnny's out of luck as far as getting a date through Howard's show. Howard got rid of him after about 5 minutes and went on with the rest of the show.
-- Wednesday June 23, 1999 --
Montana Returns To Show Her Breasts. 6/23/99. 6:25am
This woman Montana came in back on December 14 to show Howard her breasts. At the time he told her she needed to lose about 15 pounds to look good. She said she'd be back when she lost a few pounds and when her new (at the time) breast implants settled down a bit. Today she came in but Howard said she didn't look like she'd lost any weight. She claimed that it was about 5 pounds. Howard didn't know why she was there and she gave a whole story about how she had her arm broken back in February when she was originally scheduled to return. She said that some jealous strippers beat her up and broke her arm for some reason. Howard found that hard to believe. Then she said that she has a web site and that's probably the reason she came in today. She did show Howard her breasts and he said they looked just fine but she still needs to lose the weight from her belly. He also said her hips were really wide. Her web site is at www.montanajames.com and you can get a photo CD with pictures of her for $19.95.
Zita Shows Off Her New Breasts. 6/23/99. 6:50am
This woman came in back on March 10 to be Howard's sex slave for breast implants. She ended up having Travis the farter blast farts in her face for a while to get the implants. Today she came in to show off her new cans. Dr. Sal Calabro donated the implants and was on the phone to talk about Zita's annoying friend. Apparently Zita brought a friend to Dr. Calabro's office and the friend was upset about Zita getting implants. She gave the Dr. a hard time so they had to kick her out of the office. Zita showed off her new breasts to Howard today. She went from about an A-cup to a C. You can see some before and after pictures at Dr. Calabro's web site at www.salcalabro.com.
Riley Martin Calls From Jail Again. 6/23/99. 7:05am
Alien abductee Riley Martin called in from jail once again today. He was arrested 23 days ago on drug charges and remains there awaiting a trial date. He called in a last week to explain what happened and to ask for help getting out of jail. Today he's gotten a lawyer and he's still looking for financial help. Riley is really angry that Howard won't help him even though the lawyer he got was a result of him doing the show last week. Riley just needs $1000 to get out on bail but Howard's not going to help him. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from people who said they'd help but they quickly turned on Riley and called him names. That pissed Riley off even more but he'd take it out on Howard for some reason. There were a couple of people who called in and said that they'd bail him out if they worked for them. The first person hung up when Riley agreed to it but the second guy may just work out. The guy said he'd keep his eye on Riley 24 hours a day if he puts up the money. Riley was fine with that though. You can get in touch with Riley at the jail he's in at 175 Rt. 519, Belvidere, NJ 07823.
The Freaky Feud With Penthouse Pets & Wack Pack. 6/23/99. 7:50am
Retards VS Hot chicks, who will win? Howard brought in 3 Wack Pack members and 3 Penthouse Pets to play a Family Feud type of game called ''The Freaky Feud.'' On the Wack Pack side we have Slow Adam, Crackhead Bob and Fred the Elephant Boy. On the Pets side we have Nikki St. Giles, Melissa Anne and Amy Lynn Baxter. Howard was ''Howard Dawson'', the game show host. He interviewed a few of the contestants before moving on with the game. Nikki is married to the owner of Penthouse, Nick Guccione, she speaks 4 languages and she's hot. Melissa was a Pet back in 1998. Amy Lynn is one of Howard's favorite Pets and has lost some weight lately so she was looking good to Howard. She was a Penthouse Pet back in 1992. All of them are there to promote some Penthouse Pet of the Year party being held at club Ohm or something like that. Amy is also there to plug her new movie ''Golfballs'' (Read my review) which is coming out next week.
So Howard had questions and he'd bring up one person from each team to play. He'd ask the question and they'd have to hit a buzzer. If they got the number 1 answer they could chose whether or not to pass or take the chance on getting the rest of the answers. The first question was ''What's an awful name for a gay person?'' Slow Adam buzzed first. He said ''Fag'' and got the number 1 answer. They took the chance and tried to get the rest. Crackhead Bob gave the same answer as Adam so he got one wrong. They have up to 3 wrong answers before it moves over to the Pets. Elephant Boy said ''Homo'' and got it right. Adam then said ''Queer'' and got it right. CH Bob said ''Faggot'' again and got another strike. E.Boy said ''Girl'' and got the third strike. Possession then went to the girls. They answered with ''Fairy'' and got it wrong. The Wack Pack got the points from that round. The other answers were Sissy and Dyke. Here are some of the other questions and answers. To describe them all would take all day so here's a quick synopsis:
- Name a U.S. Vice President dead or alive.
  - Nikki - Gore - Correct - Pass to Wack Pack
  - CH Bob - Ran out of time - Wrong
  - E.Boy - Bush - Correct
  - Adam - Ron Reagan - Wrong
  - CH Bob - Howard Stern - Wrong - Pass to Pets
  - Amy - Mondale - Wrong - Wack Pack wins
  - Correct answers - Quayle, Johnson, Ford
- Name something you do after sex.
  - Melissa - Smoke a cigarette - Correct
  - Amy - Pee - Correct
  - Nikki - Sleep - Correct
  - Melissa - Shower - Wrong
  - Amy - Do it again - Wrong
  - Nikki - Eat - Correct
  - Melissa - DELAY HIT.. MISSED SECTIONS OF SHOW
  - E. Boy - Shower - already said - Wrong
  - Correct answer - Cuddle
- Name something you can substitute for a vibrator.
  - The delay was hit a few more times during this question so there was some stuff missed by everyone.. what's the point?
  - Correct answers - Beer bottle, cigar, cucumber, penis.
- Name another name for the buttocks.
  - Nikki - Cheeks - Wrong
  - CH Bob - Beaner? - Wrong
  - Melissa - Ass - Correct
  - Amy - Bootie - Wrong
  - Nikki - Tush - Correct
  - Melissa - Bum - Wrong
  - Amy - Coolie - Wrong - Pass to Wack Pack
  - Adam - Rear end - Wrong
  - Correct answers - fanny, heiny, anus
- Name a Beatles album.
  - E Boy - Revolver - Wrong
  - Melissa - White - Wrong
  - Amy - Sgt. Peppers - Correct
  - Nikki - Blue - Wrong
  - Melissa - Strawberry Fields - Wrong
  - Correct answers - Yellow Submarine, Help, Magical Mystery Tour, No Clue
- Name a prescription medication you are easily addicted to.
  - Amy - Codine - Wrong
  - Adam - Rispidol - Wrong - Pets take control
  - Nikki - Prozac - Correct
  - Melissa - Ridilin - Correct
  - Amy - Percaset - Wrong
  - Nikki - Vallium - Correct
  - Melissa - Buterol - Wrong
  - Amy - Demerol - Wrong - Wack Pack takes control
  - E. Boy - Pep Pills or Peppers - Wrong - Pets win.
  - Correct answers - morphine and viagra
So out of that huge mess the Pets somehow won the game. It went on a little long because they played to 200 points. Howard spoke to everyone and got some plugs out of them before ending the segment. You can find out more about the wack pack over at www.pegasusconcerts.com. You can find out more about Amy's movie at www.golfballs-themovie.com and see her on www.amylynn.com. All three Pets are appearing at that club Ohm.
Andy Dick Comes In. 6/23/99. 8:45am
Actor/Comedian Andy Dick came in this morning to talk about his alcoholism and other things. Andy has been sober for 33 days now. You may remember Andy called in last year all wasted. He was really funny but his friends and family were upset by how wasted he was so they sent him in to rehab. He's had problems since then but now he's been sober for over a month. He's been on the show before and performed a great song called ''Little Brown Ring'' which was a reference to his sphincter. Today he was talking about how easy it is for him to get addicted to just about anything. He also brought in his 19 year old girlfriend Lisa who's a model. Andy has admitted that he's bi-sexual but said that when he's with a woman he's totally heterosexual. When Lisa came into the studio Howard said that she may be one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen. They've been dating for 4 months now. Howard seemed to find it hard to believe that they're actually a couple but Lisa confirmed it. Andy's not in any rush to get married though. He's 33 years old with 3 kids and he's got a hot girlfriend. He told Howard that one of his kids is the same age as Lisa's brother who's 10. Andy also spoke about his TV sitcom ''Newsradio'' being canceled. Howard asked him if the rumors about him wanting the show to be canceled after Phil Harman's death were true. Andy did think that they should stop the show and didn't have much of anything good to say about Phil's replacement Jon Lovitz. Andy said that Lovitz wasn't the nicest guy. He hinted that Lovitz may have said something about his sexuality. Andy was hesitant to bad mouth Lovitz so he'd say things but then turn it around and say that he's actually a nice guy. Andy performed a couple of songs for Howard today during his hour long interview. The first song, ''Clock and Balls'' was just written about 3 hours before his appearance this morning. It was supposed to be about giving things up and addiction but it the line ''Clock and Balls'' was actually supposed to be ''Cock and Balls'' but when he said that Howard had to hit the delay on him. The second song was about his name. Every line made a reference to his last name, Dick. It was even funnier than the first song. Howard took a few phone calls before the long interview ended. Before Andy left he said if after 6 to 9 months his mental state hasn't evened out he's going to try some new prescription drugs. Howard told him he should smoke some pot and maybe have a drink a day. Andy said he can't just have one.. Howard told him that it makes him funnier.
Chuck Zito Brings In Mystery Guest. 6/23/99. 10:00am
Actor Chuck Zito called in a little earlier in the show and told Gary that he had a special guest to bring on the show. It was Chuck Zito so they couldn't refuse. Chuck wanted to surprise Howard with the guest so they played a little Mystery Guest game where everyone puts on a blindfold and asks the guest questions until they figure out who it is. Howard figured it out after a few minutes of guessing and a clue from Gary. The mystery guest turned out to be actor James Caan! Howard spoke to him about his many wives and how he survived financially after his many divorces. Mr. Caan also talked about his 5 kids who range in age from 8 months to 33 years old. Howard is a huge fan of Caan's since he's in the ''Godfather'' movies. ''Godfather'' is Howard's favorite. Howard spent 40 minutes talking to James about all kinds of stuff since it's a rarity to have a guest like that just show up. Caan seemed to have a great time talking to Howard. Chuck Zito didn't say much, he just sat back and let Howard and James talk. After the interview Mr. Caan said he had a pleasant time. He was expecting the worst but since Howard's such a big fan he took it easy on him.
-- Thursday June 24, 1999 --
Howard Defends Syndicated Saturday Night Show Ratings. 6/24/99. 6:20am
Howard read an article in the NY Daily News which said that Howard's syndicated Saturday night show has it's lowest national ratings ever. Howard's complaint about the article was that it doesn't point out that he's only on 50 TV stations around the country. He said that the low national rating is because he's only on a few stations, not that people aren't watching it. He also pointed out that Eyemark Entertainment has renewed the show for a second season because they're happy with it's performance in the markets it is on in. Howard just wanted to straighten all of that out because the newspapers like to put a spin on stories to make him look bad.
Hank The Dwarf Update. 6/24/99. 7:10am
Hank the Dwarf is still in the hospital out in California because of his seizures. Earlier in the week Howard told the story about how Hank ended up there. Today Stuttering John came in and told Howard that the hospital wasn't letting Hank come on the air for some reason. John tried calling this morning but when Hank got on the phone the nurse was listening in and told John that they weren't going to allow him to go on the air with Howard. For some reason the hospital thought that Hank's drinking problem was a big secret or something. The hospital told John and Gary that it was inappropriate to call at this hour of the morning, 4am in California, and that they don't take calls until 7 or 8am. When Gary asked which it was, 7 or 8, the nurse on the phone hung up on him. Hank is supposed to be released from the hospital tomorrow but Howard and the gang are going to be on summer vacation for a couple of weeks and they won't be able to have Hank on the show for a while. Hopefully he can hang in there for 2 weeks.
Christi Lake Sex Update. 6/24/99. 7:30am
Back in January Howard held a contest where porn star Christi Lake would have sex with a listener. The guy who won, Brock, came in this morning and Christi was on the phone. The deal was that when Brock had sex with Christi it would be filmed. Well, now the tape is out and Christi was on to promote it. The name of the tape is ''Fan FuXXX 6'' and you can find out more about it at www.christilake.com. Howard spoke to them a little bit about the sex and what happened that day. Brock said that he had sex with Christi for an hour and a half. He also revealed that the sex wasn't that great with her. He said that she was the most experienced woman he's had but she wasn't the best. He later told Howard that she was ''big'' inside so there wasn't much friction. Gary pointed out that Brock's penis is a very dark shade of black. Brock is kind of light skinned but Howard said his penis is like 90 shades darker than the rest of him. Brock lost his girlfriend over this fiasco but he's also done 4 other porno movies. He said he got paid about $500 for those four movies. Christi said she paid Brock $100 for her movie.
Kyle's New Clothing Line ''Me In My Crazy World.'' 6/24/99. 8:50am
This guy Kyle called in this morning to talk about his new clothing line ''Me In My Crazy World.'' (or Me and My Crazy...?) Kyle is a black guy who is making clothes which he described as a crossover between suburban white kid clothing and urban black kid clothing. He said that it's made for the white kids who want to wear what the black kids are wearing and also for the black kids who want to look like the white kids. It was all confusing as hell but that's basically how he described the clothes. Howard said that Kyle was in jail for a couple of years but he was very hesitant to talk about it. Eventually he said that he was in for conspiracy to sell narcotics. He was in prison for two years and thought of this new clothing line while there. You can get a catalog from the company and eventually you can check out his web site at www.meinmycrazyworld.com. You can call them at 201.678.0850 to order a catalog.
Porn Trip Giveaway. 6/24/99. 8:55am
Howard had a special trip to give away this morning. The trip is courtesy of www.freeporn4life.com and was for someone to fly out to Budapest, Hungary to direct a porn film. Howard went through a bunch of phone callers and found a guy who wanted to play a game to try and win it. KC came in with a game to play with the caller. The game was a True or False game about Sean Connery. KC got the information from a book called ''Hollywood Confidential.'' The guy needed to get most of the answers correct to win the prize.. Here are the questions KC asked.
1. Sean Connery's first wife claims that he bashed her in the face with his fists - True
2. Warner Brothers paid $52,000 for Sean Connery's toupee in the movie ''James Bond - Never Say Never.'' - True
3. Connery had a dream where he stepped on a fish and it turned into a rubber ducky... - False
4. Connery believes that in a past life he was an alcoholic railroad worker who died of alcohol poisoning. - True
The guy got 3 of those questions correct so he's going on the trip. KC said that Howard could pick one other person to go on the trip so they were thinking of sending someone like Gary the Retard or Crackhead Bob. Howard even said he wouldn't mind flying to Hungary to be a director. They never made a firm decision so we'll have to wait to find out what happens. The trip takes place the week of July 12.
-- Friday June 25, 1999 --
Gump Leaving The E! Show. 6/25/99. 6:20am
One of the E! show guys is leaving the show after 5 years. Eric ''Gump'' is moving on to work for a webcast company. Howard and the gang said a couple of quick goodbyes to Gump this morning. Gump was an engineer on the show and he was one of Robin's favorites.. for looking at. She's always had her eye on him and now she says she'll miss him.
Howard Gives Away Another Porn Director Trip. 6/25/99. 6:30am
Yesterday Howard gave away a trip to Hungary as a guest director for a porn film. This morning a woman called in and said she would like to try out for it so they brought in a game for her to play. KC still had some Sean Connery true or false questions so they used them. The woman had to get 3 out of 5 correct. She managed to do it with all 5 questions. Here are her questions:
- Connery has a tattoo on his arm that reads ''Mum, Dad and Scotland Forever'' - True
- As a joke Connery would wear a kilt with no underwear and jump around like a frog - False
- Connery is known as a horrible tipper - True
- Connery once sat on a chicken and now has a scar on his buttocks - False
- Connery's favorite rock bands are Gwar and Type O Negative - False
Howard was surprised that woman wanted to win the trip. That might make for an interesting story when she gets back.
Gary's Death Pool Mistake. 6/25/99. 7:05am
You may remember that Gary recently sold one of his Death Pool picks, Walter Mattheau, to Howard for a measly $100. At the time his partner in the pool, Tom Chiusano, was away on vacation. When Tom came back Gary had to talk to him about what will happen if Walter Mattheau dies and Howard wins the money. Tom told Gary that because he promised to give his money to a former employee that worked there that Gary would have to cough up $1800 if Howard wins the pool with Mattheau's death. He has to give Tom $1250 for his half of the $2500 pot plus his half of the $500 contribution plus Tom's half plus half of what Howard paid Gary for Walter Mattheau. Add all of that up and you have $1800. Gary told Howard all of this on the air this morning with Tom standing by. Gary didn't have permission to sell the pick so he may have to pay for his mistake. According to some tabloid papers Walter Mattheau may be on his death bed.
Jesus Comes In For A Visit With His Friend Phillip. 6/25/99. 7:20am
This guy who thinks he's Jesus came in this morning. His friend Phillip told Howard that he was friends with Jesus recently and today he brought him in. Jesus is a 36 year old college student who used to work at a chemical plant as an engineer. He's not out to make any money and he was rambling on and on about how he wants to spread the word. He has a web site at www.omegachrist.com and surprisingly he doesn't ask for money on the site. Howard asked Jesus if being Jesus gets him laid. Jesus said no but maybe that's because he's married. His buddy Phillip calls himself one of Jesus' apostles. He claims that he has a handful of other apostles also. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for the guy and most of them wanted him to prove he was special by performing a miracle. He said he doesn't do parlor tricks and rambled on again about reading stuff on his web site and you can see the miracle there. Howard got bored with Jesus pretty quick and kicked him out after a few minutes.
The Gossip Game With Martin Scorsese's Nephew. 6/25/99. 8:00am
Director Martin Scorsese's nephew Chris came in this morning to promote his music CD. Chris called in and offered to bring his uncle in with him but Howard was more interested in talking to the nephew. As soon as Chris came in Howard decided to get the Mike Walker gossip game out of the way before talking to him.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with 4 gossip stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column and one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false story. Here are this weeks 4 stories:
1. A dog on Jim Carrey's latest movie was unable to do his dootie as part of a scene so they sent the animal to a Veterinarian's office to get a laxative.
2. Shelly Winters was shopping somewhere and when she came back there was a huge crowd of kids near her car to see Ricky Martin. Some were standing on her car so she yelled at them that she was a real star. The kids just looked at her and ran off.
3. Britany Spears has gone on a special diet and exercise regimen because she felt she looked a little chunky on the cover of ''Rolling Stone'' magazine.
4. Ben Affleck was unable to get a date with Salma Hayek while at a party. Hayek ditched him and left the party.
Chris picked number 4 as the false story. Howard and Jackie picked number 1 and Robin picked number 3 as the false one. The actual false story was number three. Robin was the only winner for this week.
After the game Howard spent a little while learning about Chris Scorsese. His father is Martin's brother and he doesn't get laid just because he has the famous Scorsese last name. That was about as interesting as it got. The 33 year old did say that women do give him their bio's to give to his uncle. He was on the show to plug his CD so Howard played a little bit of it. The name of the band is Alchemy X and the album is called ''The Delicate Balance.'' Howard played a little bit of the ''Progressive Rock'' music and it wasn't that bad. After playing it Howard took a bunch of calls to get reviews. The reviews were mixed. There were a couple of people who liked it but there were more who hated it. It had an 80's-sound and some people didn't like that. Chris said the album is available at some record stores and will soon be available at www.liquidaudio.com
Samara The 21 Year Old Married Virgin. 6/25/99. 8:40am
This woman Samara called in recently to tell Howard her problems. First of all she's married at 21 and she's a virgin. Howard had to see what a 21 year old virgin looked like so he invited her down to the studio. Samara once weighed 250 pounds but she's down to 155 now. She's been holding out on her husband until she feels comfortable with her body. She said that her breasts sag and she's really uncomfortable with her body. She does give her husband oral sex 5 times or more each day though. She told Howard that her husband actually left her because she decided to go on Howard's show. So actually what she was looking for was free plastic surgery from Howard. She claims that she's going to Harvard to study law next year and she won't have the money to get the surgery herself. That led to Howard questioning her intelligence later in the segment. Dr. Calabro called in at one point and told Howard that he could do the surgery but Howard had a better idea. He saw her breasts and said they're not that bad. She just needs to lose more weight and she'd be fine. Howard said that if she gets down to 120 pounds and comes back in they'll make a decision then. If she still wants surgery after toning up then Dr. Calabro will do it. After that was out of the way Howard had a bunch of intelligence questions for Samara. He asked her things like..
- What planet has a ring around it?
- What is the square root of 4 cubed?
- How many pencils are in a gross?
- What does pie equal?
- How many planets are there?
- What is the center of our solar system?
..and she had no clue. She claims that she doesn't need to know all of that to study law. She said that up in Canada if you don't want to take advanced math classes you don't have to. But that doesn't explain the rest of the unanswered questions. Howard, Robin and Gary weren't convinced that she's actually going to Harvard next year. Jackie asked if there's more than one Harvard. So when Samara loses more weight we may hear from her again. Maybe by then she won't be a virgin.
Terri Nicole Hess The Post-Op Transsexual. 6/25/99. 9:10am
This woman who used to be a man came in to plug her book today. Terri Nicole Hess came in to plug her book ''A Long Time Coming'' which is available at her web site www.terrinicole.com. As soon as it walked in Howard said that she doesn't look like a woman. She's 5'10'' tall and weighs 169 pounds. Howard told her that and even the voice is very manly. Terri had a sex change operation about 9 months ago and just lost her female virginity on Tuesday night. Terri told Howard that he was married 3 times before getting the sex change. He even has one child who's in high school now. She said that the kid is cool with the whole thing. Howard kept asking if Terri had his/her penis cut off and she kept saying ''no, the doctor cut it off..'' Then she said that it wasn't cut off, it was ''reconfigured.'' She's also had a lot of plastic surgery on her face and breasts of course. She has a D-cup bra size. Before Terri left Howard asked to see her ''reconfigured'' penis/vagina. Terri didn't hesitate to show it off. Everyone laughed hysterically at the sight of it. After Terri left Howard said that it looked like someone ''wacked a hunk of silly putty with an axe.''