Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 5/31/99 to 6/4/99

---

-- Monday May 31, 1999 --
• The Best Of Stern. 5/31/99.
  Howard is off for Memorial Day today but will return live tomorrow. Here are today's featured bits:
  • Korean Stern Impersonator
  • Young MC
  • Stuttering John interviews Walter Cronkite
  • Stuttering John at the ESPY Awards
  • John Tesh interview
  • Psychic Friends in the 'hood network
  • Howard plays Lewis Farakahn's calypso music
  • Howard calls Shaquile O'Neil's real father
  • Scott The Engineer in E.R. bit
  • Gay Games discussion
  • Howard ties a chocolate bar around Scott the Engineer's neck to teach him self control
  • Howard congratulates Jim Carry on the success of ''Ace Ventura''
  • Howard talks about ''Beverly Hills 90210''
  • Howard yells at Ralph for hanging around his house too much

  ---

  -- Tuesday June 1, 1999 --

• Howard's Weekend. 6/1/99. 6:05am
  Howard returned from his 3 day weekend this morning. He told everyone that his whole weekend was his 13 year old daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Howard said it was just one day but it turned into the whole 3 day weekend with all of the family hanging around. He said he spent an unbelievable amount of money for all of it. He also said it was a very emotional thing and he even shed a tear during it. Howard said that Dominic Barbara ended up giving Debra $3500 as a gift. Gary, Jackie and Fred all gave between $300 and $400 each.

• Jan The Intern Interviews MTV VJ Jesse Camp. 6/1/99. 7:00am
  Jan, a new intern on the show, went out and interviewed MTV VJ Jesse Camp. Jesse is a really wacky, almost retarded, DJ who won the VJ spot last year during the country wide VJ search. He's now put out an album and Jan went to Jesse's appearance at a record store. She asked him a couple of easy questions then came out with ''Why do you act like such a F-ing retard?'' Jesse went into a whole explanation about how he's not as dumb as he looks. Apparently Jesse was going around crying poverty when he first went to get the VJ position but it turns out he grew up wealthy. His father is a dean of a college up in Connecticut and they were far from poor. Jan asked him about that and Jesse hinted that he may have been emotionally deprived as a child. Finally, Jan asked Jesse what he's going to do when MTV fires him like they fire all of the other VJs. Jesse said he'll be doing Rock and Roll.. A listener called in a short time later and said Jesse has already been fired from MTV.

• Jack Gordon's Lie Detector Test. 6/1/99. 7:50am
  Last week Jack Gordon came in and dropped a bombshell about Paula Jones. Jack claimed that Paula lied about what happened between President Clinton and herself. Dominic Barbara put up $10,000 for Jack to take a lie detector test. The money will be going to a charity. Jack came in early this morning and was tested by a legitimate Polygraph tester for 2 and a half hours. Judd Bank from Scotts Security Systems(212.594.2121) was the tester. They both came in to the studio to give the results. Dominic was on the phone so Howard and the gang all placed bets on the outcome. Everyone but Dominic thought he was telling the truth. Dominic is now about $400 richer. Judd said that Jack was being deceptive on all of the pertinent questions about the Paula Jones situation. Judd said that results were ''quite dramatic'' meaning that Jack was being really deceptive on all of the questions other than his name. Howard pointed out that the one time he took a lie detector test he failed and he swears that he was telling the truth. That test was about whether or not he french kissed Jessica Hahn. He swore he didn't but the test said he was lying. So Howard thinks that it's possible that Jack is telling the truth. Of course Jack is sticking by his story. and Howard had a second polygraph tester waiting in the wings. Ed Torian who has done a bunch of tests for Howard's guests administered the second test. During all of this stuff Gary mentioned that he'd read some disturbing court papers about Jack but he wouldn't go into detail. He may have been talking about some documents found at TheSmokingGun.com. Jack saw the papers and said he didn't know anything about them. Read them for yourself and decide if you would confront him about it.. Later in the show Howard came back and had Ed Torian (Ed Torian Investigations 914.634.6377) administer the second test. There was some controversy over the way the questions were asked in the first test so they were reworded for the second. Howard listened in on a couple of the questions and said that it looked like Jack was in a trance. He was very calm and had his eyes closed. A short time later Jack and Ed came in to give the results. Ed says that Jack was being truthful in all of his answers! So who do you believe? Ed or Judd? Is Jack telling the truth? Did Paula Jones lie about her experience with President Clinton? These are the questions we may never know the answers to. Howard is surprised that no news agencies have picked up on the story. Howard is thinking about bringing back Judd to retest Jack but it seems like nobody cares.

• Dwight Gooden A No Show. 6/1/99. 8:30am
  Baseball player Dwight Gooden was scheduled to come in today but he didn't show up. Gary said that he spoke to one woman, who refused to give her last name, that told him he wasn't coming on the show today. There was no reason and the book company that booked him on the show didn't even let Gary know what was going on. Dwight was supposed to promote his book ''Heat: My Life on and Off the Diamond.'' Howard said he was kind of glad the guy didn't come in because he doesn't really care about Dwight's coke problems.. but then he ended up talking about some parts of the book anyway.

• Big Chested Woman Comes In. 6/1/99. 8:35am
  This large, 30 year old woman came in this morning to show Howard her huge breasts. She claims that hers are larger than the woman who was in back in April. That woman said that she was in The Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest breasts. The woman that came in today claims that she has a 40-I cup bra size. She was overweight according to Howard. She ended up showing her freakish breasts to everyone and they were all amazed. Jackie said they were twice the size that he expected to see come out of the ''two hammocks'' sized bra. Howard said that they are bigger than the other woman's but her weight has some effect on the breast size. Howard told the woman he's not sure how to get her into Guinness so she's on her own.

• Top 100 Grossing Movie Game. 6/1/99. 10:10am
  Gary had a list of the top grossing movies for this past weekend so Howard made a game out of it. Gary would read the name of a movie and Howard and the gang would guess how much money it made. One movie only made $64 this past weekend. Another movie, ''Peeping Tom'', only made $362 over the weekend. Some of the other movies they guessed at were:
  • Out of Towners - $27 Million
  • Ed TV - $22 Million
  • Lost and Found - $6 Million
  • The Rage, Carrie 2 - $17.5 Million
  • The Mod Squad - $13 Million
  • My Favorite Martian - $35 Million
  • Wing Commander - $11.5 Million
  Those were total grosses, not just the weekend takes. Howard guessed a few of them right on the money.

• Houston Prom Date Update. 6/1/99. 10:15am
  This high school kid Brad called in last week requesting a prom date with porn star Houston. Howard agreed to let the kid come in and play a game to get the date. Brad called in this morning to tell Howard everything is getting blown out of proportion and he's got newspapers calling him now. He also said that some of his teachers are telling him he can't bring Houston to his prom. Howard told Brad that he can bring whoever he wants to the stupid prom so don't listen to the teachers. Brad said that a lot of the girls at the school are pissed at him because all of the guys will be checking out Houston instead of them. Some of his friends are impressed though. Brad is scheduled to come in on June 10 to play the game to get the date. His prom is June 19.

  ---

  -- Wednesday June 2, 1999 --

• It's Game Day. 6/2/99. 6:25am
  Gary started the morning off by playing an elimination game with Howard. He had a list of women paired up with each other. Howard had to choose between the two and one would be eliminated from the list. Eventually they worked their way down to 16 names then 8 names then 4 names. The final four that Howard had to chose between were Heather Locklear vs Gena Lee Nolan and Jenny McCarthy vs Pamela Anderson. Howard ended up eliminating everyone except Pam. She made it through the whole game eliminating a bunch of other women. After the game Howard said that he wants to get all of the women in the studio to make it more interesting. KC and Stuttering John also came in later in the show and had some other stupid games to play. Howard played KC's quick joke of a game where you write 3 letter F's then under the three write 4 letter F's. Then after each F you use either the letter I,E or O. Then you read what you have.. It's supposed to be a black guy giving his phone number. Stuttering John had some puzzle games but nobody wanted to hear it from him.

• The Jerky Boys Come In. 6/2/99. 8:15am
  Legendary phony phone callers The Jerky Boys(Kumal and Johnny) came in to promote their new album ''Stop Staring At Me!'' this morning. Howard played a call off the new album where they mention Howard's show while yelling at a woman. Howard spent a few minutes trying to find out how these guys make money to support themselves. Before the phony calls Kumal used to run his own business. The guys are always goofing on everything so it's hard to tell when they're telling the truth or not. Robin asked whether or not the phony phone call albums can support them. They didn't have a strait answer but it sounds like they do pretty well with them. They also did a movie which made them a little bit of money. Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims these two guys don't actually like each other but they do the calls to make money. At first the guys kind of hinted that they really hate each other but they were goofing around and said they get along fine. They don't hang out much anymore but they get together every 2 years or so to come up with a new album. You can check out their web site, www.thejerkyboys.com, to find out more about the album and play some games. The guys hung around for the next segment when the guy brought in Kathie Lee's soiled panties.

• Kathie Lee's Soiled Panties. 6/2/99. 8:50am
  These guys called Howard recently and said they somehow got a hold of Kathie Lee Gifford's soiled panties. They came in this morning to show Howard the panties. The guys came in and told Howard that they spoke to their attorney and he must have told them not to say they stole the panties. They actually told a really boring half-assed story about how they worked for a moving company as temps and someone gave them the panties as a gift. Howard put up with it for a few minutes but had to kick them out because their story really sucked. Gary thought that they freaked out 2 seconds before they came in and left out all of the good stuff because they were afraid of getting in trouble. The Jerky Boys were sitting in during the segment and they were falling asleep during the story. After the guys left Howard said that may have been the most boring segment he's ever done on the show.

• Jerky Boys Controversy. 6/2/99. 9:10am
  Howard was taking some phone calls this morning and Sal the Stockbroker called in. He told Howard that The Jerky Boys' Frank Rizzo character was ''..more beat up than Gary's water pik..'' Then Captain Janks called in to bash the boys. Janks claims that they bad mouthed him in an interview in Steppin' Out magazine one time and now he hates them with a passion. Howard told Janks he's funny and the Jerky Boys are funny.. in different ways. Kumal came in and argued with Janks for a couple of minutes but walked out after Janks repeatedly told him their new album sucks. Kumal told Howard that Sal the Stockbroker is funny but Janks isn't. After all of that was over with a woman called in saying that these Jerky Boys aren't the original Jerky Boys. Some dude by the name of Tommy Madden claims to be the original. Gary knew the story so he came in to argue with the woman but she didn't want to listen to him. Gary says he sees Tommy every week and when he does he yells out ''Hey Tommy! Jerky Boys!'' and Tommy smiles and looks down at the ground like he's embarrassed. Another listener called in shortly after that and also said he has proof that these guys aren't the original guys. Howard said you can tell it is them because you can recognize Johnny's voice immediately. Howard said he really doesn't care because he's interviewing these guys and it doesn't matter anyway.

• Gilbert Gottfried Comes In. 6/2/99. 9:25am
  Comedian Gilbert Gottfried came in to hang out during the news this morning. Howard spent some time talking to Gilbert about how he's become a regular on the new Hollywood Squares game show. Gilbert was doing an impression of Paul Lynde that was pretty funny. Howard said that Gilbert looks pretty odd also. He got a hair cut that makes him look kind of goofy. Howard told him he's starting to look like Joe Piscopo for some reason. Gilbert hung around for the rest of the morning and did his Dracula impression and even a little bit of Abbot and Costello meet Dracula. Listeners have mixed feelings about Gilbert. You either love him or hate him. Howard took a few phone calls for Gilbert. One woman told him he sucks and another woman said he's the funniest guest Howard has. One caller asked Howard to have Dracula Gottfried meet Howard's Stephen Speilberg and son impression. That went over pretty well but didn't last long since Robin was in her Newscaster mode and wanted to move on. Gilbert is appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City tomorrow night.

  ---

  -- Thursday June 3, 1999 --

• Howard Visits TiffanyCam.com. 6/3/99. 6:55am
  This woman called Howard this morning to tell him that she has the same tattoo as he does. She also said that she has a web camera site, www.tiffanycam.com, where he could see her. Howard got the web site address and checked her out. On the free camera she wasn't able to show any nudity but she did show Howard her tattoo. It's basically the same Capricorn tattoo that Howard has on his right arm but she has a sun surrounding the part that Howard has. He said it looked pretty cool but Robin said it looked ugly. Howard spent a few minutes with Tiffany and said she was pretty cute for a web cam chick. Tiffany said that her site is about $10 a month for full access. She also plugged www.keyholecam.com before Howard got off the phone with her.

• Stuttering John Interviews Governor Jesse Ventura. 6/3/99. 7:20am
  Stuttering John went to Governor Jesse Ventura's book signing yesterday to ask a few questions. Howard played the tape this morning. John got off a few questions like ''Do you dream of becoming President?'' and ''What do you think of the U.S. being in Kosovo?'' Jesse was very defensive and told John he should talk to the President about the Kosovo thing because he's just the Governor of Minnesota. Eventually John asked Jesse why he canceled out of doing Howard's show. Ventura said that they had him on the phone last year and they blew him off. Howard explained that he did call in before the election but it was very late in the show and they were unable to get to him. Jesse said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to.

• Porn Trip Contest. 6/3/99. 7:30am
  Last year Howard gave away a trip on a SMS Promotions Porno cruise in a Small Penis Contest. This year he had the same trip to give away but they did it a little differently. This porn actress Wendy came in to judge a ''Queen for a Day'' type of game where three guys would tell their sad stories. The one with the saddest story would win the trip on the Second Annual Extreme Vacation down to Mexico. Howard spent some time talking to Wendy who was pretty attractive according to him. She used to do a lot of anal scenes in her porn movies but now she's given up on that because of the mandatory use of condoms. She said that makes it very uncomfortable and she doesn't enjoy it anymore. She's only been in the business for 2 ½ years but she's made 25 films already. She said that her parents don't know what she does. Howard moved on to the game and brought in the three guys. Each guy told his sob story and then everyone picked the one they felt sorry for. Here's a quick synopsis of each contestant's story:
  1. Shawn - Was beat up by black guys on a beach in 1989, went to court, won $400,000 settlement and didn't collect a cent.
  2. Jason - 300 pound, 20 year old virgin, never been kissed, nice guy.
  3. Ted - Knifed by friend's cousin over stupid argument, spinal cord severed and partially paralyzed. Also adopted and abused as a child.
  No one believed Ted's story until he showed his scars. They were real. So everyone voted on their favorite person. Here's how they judged.. Wendy, Howard, Fred and KC all picked Jason. Robin and Jackie picked Ted. Everyone agreed that number one wasn't worth voting for. So the winner was Jason with 4 votes. He'll be the lucky listener going on the trip.

• Donald Trump Calls In. 6/3/99. 8:20am
  Real estate mogul Donald Trump called in to promote an upcoming fight this morning. The fight, Shannon Briggs vs Francois Botha, is taking place at Trump's Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City on August 7. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Mr. Trump about how he's doing financially now. He's doing fine with the money and he's doing fine with the women. He told Howard he's been dating a 28 year old model for about 8 months now. Howard asked him if he's going to get married again. Trump just said ''Marriage, done correctly, is a wonderful thing.'' Howard thinks that he'll never get married again. Trump said his 17 year old daughter asked him not to ever date anyone younger than herself. Trump said that's going to get harder and harder as his daughter gets older. You can order tickets for the Taj Mahal fight from Ticketmaster by calling 800-736-1420.

• Comedian Pauly Shore Comes In. 6/3/99. 9:00am
  Pauly Shore came in to promote his Carolines gig this weekend. Howard was curious to find out what Pauly has been up to lately so he let him come in today. Earlier in the morning Howard and the gang were comparing the careers of Pauly and Adam Sandler. Both of them do really stupid movies but Sandler has gone on to become a huge star. Howard couldn't figure out why Pauly didn't go on to do the same. When Pauly showed up this morning Howard said he had bags under his eyes. Pauly said he was really nervous before coming on the show and he didn't get any sleep. Pauly talked about everything from his childhood around tons of comedians to some of the famous chicks he's banged. Pauly's mother is the owner of a famous comedy club out in California so he was always around comedians. He said that since his mother was divorced there were always comedians hanging out with his mother. There were always drugs and alcohol around also. Pauly also talked about porn star Savannah who he dated for a couple of years before she killed herself. He said he wasn't surprised she killed herself because she was a very unhappy person. Howard also asked Pauly about how much he's worth. Pauly said he is a millionaire according to Howard's standards. Pauly is working on his own movie now and it's kind of a documentary where he goes out and does wacky stuff. Howard also brought up some of the famous people Pauly has gone out with and has been friends with. Pauly was friends with the late Sam Kinison so they spent a few minutes talking about him. Pauly also told Howard how he went out with Charles Bronson's daughter Katrina when he was about 15 years old. He also screwed Tiffany Amber Thiessen one time on the set of a movie. Howard took some phone calls for Pauly before he left. One woman, Ann, called in to complain about how Howard had made a joke about Savannah's suicide. The thing was that the joke was about Pauly, not Savannah but the woman was too dumb to realize that. After arguing with the woman for a few minutes he invited her down to take an IQ test. At first she agreed to it but then backed out. It was one of the funnier parts of the interview. Most of the other calls were actually positive toward Pauly.

• The Losers Performance Discussion. 6/3/99. 10:05am
  Howard had a quick discussion about whether or not he and his band ''The Losers'' will be performing at the K-Rock Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert next week. They were thinking of doing a bunch of different things. One idea was to have farting guys and queefing women do something or maybe do the ''My Niggas'' song parody. Then they came up with the idea to have Mark Harris sing Ricky Martin's ''Living La Vida Loca'' song. Howard was afraid that the audience might kill him though. Howard said they could write a parody called ''Living La Vida Homo'' or write another one for Gary called ''Living La Vida Toothy.'' A short time later Mark called in and said he's available to do it but Howard didn't want to make a final decision until tomorrow morning.

• Stripper Gets 2 Minutes. 6/3/99. 10:15am
  Some stripper from North Carolina came in to ask Howard whether or not she should have her breast implants removed or not. Since it was so late in the show Howard gave her no more than 2 minutes on the air. He told her to whip off her top so he could see the size of her breasts. They were a 34-D and Howard said they're fine. Then he had her whip off her pants to be sure her hips were in proportion to the chest. Everything checked out fine so he sent her on her way. She said she dances at The Dollhouse in Raleigh, NC.

  ---

  -- Friday June 4, 1999 --

• William The Tom Hater Calls In. 6/4/99. 6:50am
  This guy William hates Howard's General Manager Tom Chiusano for some reason. He recently went around the building that Howard works in and hung up signs asking people to call him if they hate Tom. He was also handing out the signs to people on every floor of the building so it eventually got back to the people at K-Rock. Tom ended up calling the guy. This morning they had William on the phone. There's no good reason for his hatred but Howard put him on with Tom. The funniest part was that Tom told Howard he was going to be playing golf today instead of working. That pissed Howard off because Tom will be relaxing while he's stuck in the studio freezing his ass off because the air conditioning is too cold. Tom told Howard that he's playing golf with an advertiser on the station but wouldn't say who it was. Howard figures he's lying about going with a client and he's just out enjoying a day off.

• Rei The Stripper Performs Topless For Howard. 6/4/99. 7:00am
  This stripper showed up at the station this morning. She's from a strip club down in Florida called Club Juana. They've been in the news lately because they found a way around the anti-nudity laws. They were wearing pasties and thongs to cover themselves up but the club owner knew that full nudity is allowed in performances of plays so he had the women perform Shakespear's ''Macbeth'' fully nude. It's worked so far but Rei says that she's afraid she'll be arrested when she gets back to Florida. Howard asked her to do a little bit of the play but she didn't have the script. Instead she did her own monolog...topless. She didn't want to take off her bikini bottom because she said she's ''on the rag.'' She did her monolog but kept getting interrupted by Howard and KC. KC yelled at her that it was boring so they had her bounce up and down instead. One caller said that the play got horrible reviews but Rei said there was one good review in a local paper down there.

• Michelle Williams Plays The Gossip Game. 6/4/99. 7:35am
  Actress Michelle Williams from ''Dawson's Creek'' came in to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game this morning. She was also there to plug the play she's appearing in, ''Killer Joe.'' She appears in the play naked for about 3 minutes. You can catch the play at the Soho Playhouse in New York City until the end of June. Howard spent a few minutes talking to 18 year old Michelle about the play then they moved on to the gossip game. Robin said she saw the play before Michelle was in it and said she loved it. Howard said he wants to see it just to see Michelle naked. Howard is a fan of Michelle's since she's on one of his favorite shows, ''Dawson's Creek.'' Howard got the game out of the way so he could interview her for a little while longer.

  Each week Mike Walker calls in with 4 gossip stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column, one of them is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this weeks four stories:

  1. Prince Albert of Monoco has been wearing hats every day to cover up his scabbing head after getting hair transplants.
  2. Nicolas Cage recently said that he enjoys scraping off lottery tickets. Not because he wants the money, just because he likes the feel of the coin scraping off the film on the cards.
  3. Noah Wiley showed his fiance how dedicated he is to her by tossing his little black address book on his bar-b-q grill.
  4. Jenna Elfman is taking speed reading classes so she can scan her many movie scripts more quickly. Ricky Martin is also getting scripts but he's having them put on audio cassette so he can read them by listening to them.
  Michelle picked number 2 as the false story. Robin and Jackie both picked number 3 and Howard picked number 4. The actual false story was number one. No winners again this week.

  After the game Howard went on to ask Michelle about working on ''Dawson's Creek'' and about how she emancipated herself from her parents at age 15! Michelle finished high school by taking an independent study course at 15. She didn't like her parents and she wanted to act so she was emancipated from them. She said that her father was kind of strange. He was a commodities trader but then he'd disappear for 3 months at a time. She found out that he was over in Saudi Arabia searching for Noah's Ark for 3 months at a time. She said she lost her virginity at 14. Howard asked her if she's banging any of the guys on the TV show and she said that she doesn't mix business with pleasure. She doesn't have a boyfriend at this time either. Howard also found out that she's staying with a gay male couple in New York City while she's working on the ''Killer Joe'' play. She said that all of them sleep in the same bed but nothing happens since the guys are gay. She said they sit around and girl talk all the time. They even tell her what to wear each morning. Michelle also told Howard how she grew her pubic hair for her part in ''Killer Joe.'' She said it doesn't look like Larry from the Three Stooges but it's not shaved down either.

• Hank The Dwarf, Gary Garver And Ivan Reitman. 6/4/99. 8:35am
  Howard must have been overbooked for the show today. First he brought Hank the angry, drunken dwarf in so he could plug an appearance he's making. Hank was already drunk and carrying a 7-UP bottle full of Vodka. Howard kept Hank in the studio while he did a bunch of other things. He spoke to Gary Garver, the Los Angels interviewer, about how he was attacked by James Garner last night. Gary said he went to a tribute to James Garner and asked Garner a couple of questions. When he asked Garner if he shaves his genitals the guy threatened to deck him. Gary stood his ground and Garner lunged at him, took the microphone and snapped it in half. Gary said he hurt his finger in the scuffle but didn't go to the hospital. They'll have the tape on Monday so we can hear what happened. After that Howard brought in Ivan Reitman. Ivan is in town because they're going to be shooting new scenes for Howard's ''Private Parts'' movie. The movie will be airing on the USA Network and they were going to cut a bunch of stuff out since it's on basic cable. Ivan and Len Blum, who wrote the screenplay, came in to work on 6 new scenes. They met with Howard last night to talk about that and a bunch of other stuff. Ivan even talked to Howard about the next movie he should make. Howard didn't give any details but it sounds like it'll be some kind of buddy movie. Ivan seems to still be against Howard doing ''Fartman'' for his next movie so we may not see that too soon. Ivan wants Len Blum to write the next movie for Howard but he's busy working on something for Chris Rock. It may be a few years before Howard shows his big honker on the silver screen again. Ivan also told Howard that ''Ghostbusters'' is coming out on DVD(June 29) with some new scenes and some commentary done by he and some other guy. Howard wanted Ivan to be a judge for a queefing contest but that's not Ivan's thing so he didn't stick around. Howard plugged Hank's appearances and his new web site at www.hankthedwarf.com before moving on.

• Queefing Contest. 6/4/99. 9:35am
  Two women came in to have a queefing contest this morning. The two women have been on the show in the past and each one says they're the best. First we have Debbie, Queen of all Queefs, who has her own web site now. Then we have Queen LaQueefa who doesn't have a web site. Howard wanted this to be a fair competition so he said if the women are close in the number of queefs they'd be judged on the quality of the vaginal farts. The women were competing for a Polaroid Digital printer and camera worth over $1000. Doug from E! had the counter set up and each woman had one minute to queef as many times as possible. Debbie went first. She got down on the floor and went for it. She managed to squeeze out 70 queefs. Queen LaQueefa went next and just missed the magic 70 by one. She squeaked out 69. That was too close to call so everyone in the studio picked their favorite. Howard, Robin and Hank the Dwarf all agreed that the queefs were all very good quality so they went with Debbie because she squoze that one extra one out. Howard ended up giving both of them the digital camera and printer prize. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Hank since he was just as drunk as ever. Hank told Howard a story about how he gave two women oral sex on stage at some club. Doug from E! had to come in and help Hank tell the story though. Hank was invited in to a lesbian 69 session and was able to give oral to both of them. They didn't return the favor but Hank said it was very enjoyable for him.