Howard Stern Show News Archives.
Howard started off the show talking about how KC was going to be taking a lie detector test to find out if he's a homosexual or not. Fred said that he looked nervous and Robin agreed. Howard also said that he was listening to Kari Wuhrer's new album. She used to come on the show so Howard played a little bit of it so Robin could hear it. They spent a few seconds on that and then Howard talked about how he feels like he's coming down with a cold. He said he can feel it in his throat. That led to him talking about how miserable he is. He said that he really is miserable and he'd like to find someone who isn't.
Howard said he got a joke in the mail where someone asked what the difference is between Jackie and Paul McCartney. He said ''Paul McCartney's untalented wife is dead.'' He said he didn't like that joke but he had to tell it.
Howard mentioned that Cracked Magazine has a whole spread about him talking to wrestlers. They also had Stuttering John interviewing Nostradamus. He said he used to read the magazine but not so much anymore. Jackie said he picks up a copy once in a while but not all that often.
Howard mentioned that he rented this movie ''Apt Pupil'' and he's really liking it even though he hasn't finished it yet. He explained what the movie was about and said he hasn't finished watching it yet so he asked Robin not to spoil it for him.
Howard said they have some guys coming down from Canada to talk about their book about shoplifting. They also have this chick coming in who is one of those hemp advocates. He said he likes meeting those people because they're funny. He took a call from a guy who said that the ending of ''Apt Pupil'' starts out great but the ending sucks. He didn't want the guy spoiling it for him so he hung up on him. Gary came in and shared his thoughts on the movie but Howard didn't want him spoiling anything either.
Howard said he was surrounded by tapes that he had to get to and he wasn't sure where to start. He had games and all kinds of stuff like that. They had a Crackhead Bob Game that they were supposed to revamp. He also saw that they have a tape of Jay Mohr where he bad mouths Gary. Gary told Howard about the clip where Jay gets angry with him because they had some trouble booking him for the show. Jay tells the story from his side saying that Gary misunderstood something he'd said. Gary claims Mohr claimed he had his hands all over Jennifer Aniston at one point but then came back a week later and claimed he never said that.
They were going to play that tape but Gary wasn't able to find it. Howard told him that he really is Baba Booey and moved on to some other stuff. He took a phone call from a guy who said he really liked Jackie's Wife's music the other day.
Howard read an article about Tom Brokaw screwing up and making fun of the homeless. He read the article and the quote from Tom where he says he envies the homeless because they can get some extra sleep in the mornings while he's got to get up and go to work. Howard said that he's been envious of the homeless at times himself.
Howard asked Gary if he knew where the right version was. Gary said he didn't know of another one. He said that was the one that he worked on last night. Jackie said there was another one that they came up with and the one they had just played wasn't that one. Howard also asked where the Jay Mohr tape was and Gary told him it was lost in the system somewhere.
Howard asked KC how he feels about this test today. KC said he's fine but the guys said he looked like he was a mess from not getting any sleep. Howard let him go and told him he'd have his time in the spotlight later on.
Howard read an article about some celebrities who are actually Jewish but have changed their names to hide that. He mentioned a few names like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Winona Ryder, Noah Wiley, Juliana Margalise and a few others that were in the article.
A phone caller asked Howard if he could play that Crackhead Bob game. KC came in and said that they do have a new game but they haven't put it on cart yet so they can't play it. Howard said that someone has to fix his list of stuff because he can't get to any of it. He should be able to go to that stuff in a second if he wants. He told Gary to get it together and stop driving monster trucks at the appearances he's making. He goofed on Gary about that and then Robin threw in a comment so he told her he doesn't have to take that crap. Gary didn't like that Howard was talking about his appearances because he works all week. Howard told him he's got to finish his job there first and then, if he has time, he can go do his appearances. Howard asked him why his work isn't done during the week if he thinks he has time to do the appearances. Gary said that his work is done, he didn't know what he was talking about.
Gary said that he hasn't done any appearances in the past few weeks and they don't have anything to do with his job there at the station anyway. He said that it's not that he's not doing his job, it's that he's just disorganized. Robin would try to throw her two cents in and Gary would tell her to shut up. He really seems to hate when Robin tries to tell him what to do. Robin said that she wasn't even talking to him, she was talking to Howard but Gary didn't care. Howard seems to think that Gary is just worn out from his weekends and he can't do his job correctly. Gary swears that's not the case.
Howard said he wanted to go see a movie premiere last night. He said the movie was ''Wing Commander'' and he really wanted to go but he had work to do so he had to stay home and do that. He figured he had to get the work done and go to bed early for his job. Gary said this is all unfair to him. Howard said this story wasn't about him, he was just telling Robin about it. Gary went on to say that he doesn't go out during the week, he stays home and goes to bed early so he can be there on time.
Howard took some phone calls and let the fans goof on Gary. One guy said that he tried working two jobs and he had to stop working on the weekends because it caused so many problems. Gary claims he hasn't worked for the past 3 weekends in a row. Howard told him that he still seems dopier than usual and his work is suffering a bit. He said he thinks he can do better at his job. Gary said he thinks that about everyone though. Gary was looking for some compliments from Howard. Howard told him that he did compliment him on his hair. He liked the way that was looking. Gary said he doesn't usually ask for compliments from Howard but it would be nice.
Howard told Gary that he dumps a lot of responsibility on KC and he obviously can't handle it. Howard asked him to repeat after him and had him saying that he won't go out on weekends and will wear a tracking bracelet that will keep him in his house.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that he was looking cute. She said that she's been told she looks like Sandra Bullock. That led to Howard saying that Gary is always goofing on his looks by saying that his Adam's apple looks big. Another caller said that Gary really gets on her nerves and he should be smacked in the face. Gary said that woman is mad at him because he's called her names before. They had to go to break a short time later.
The guys gave Howard a couple of examples which were actually pretty good. It's amazing how the criminal mind works sometimes. One of the guys told Howard how he stole a bicycle one time and this can work for other items also. He took the tags off the bike, walked it up to the counter and said he'd like to exchange it. They told him that he needed the receipt, he said he didn't have it. They told him to come back when he did have it and had him escorted out of the store with the bike that was never his to begin with! The guy said that was one of the better scams he'd pulled off in his life.
They also said that a lot of stores don't ever turn on their alarm systems which detect magnetic tags. They suggested to test something like that you put an item in someone else's bag as they walk out to see if it picks it up. They said if you have a conscience you can just take a tag off an item and throw it in so the person doesn't get arrested.
Jackie had a story about how his friends would have one guy fake an epileptic fit in a convenience store while the other guys stole beer. Gabriel and Gabor said that one is in the book also. They also say that men have an advantage because they can hide stuff in their pants easier than a woman can hide something in their shirts. Male security guards are more likely to check out a woman's chest before they check out a man's crotch as he walks by.
Benjy came in and said that he was able to travel across the country on an Amtrak train by hiding in the bathroom the whole time. He then would get a refund at the end of the trip. After Howard was done with these guys he said that stealing really bugs him because it just raises prices for everyone else. You can find out more about the book at www.trixnet.com.
Howard took some phone calls after letting the guys go. Some people called in to complain about the authors and their book. Howard said that his friends got caught stealing when he was younger and he could have easily been with them that day. The guys spent a short time talking about the shoplifting thing for a short time. Some more callers told their own shoplifting stories as well. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard went on to complain about the cold he was getting and how he blamed a sandwich he'd eaten. He moved on to KC's lie detector test after that. Howard had Ed Torian the lie detector tester guy come in to administer the test on him. Howard wants to find out whether or not KC is gay or not. They had Ed and KC in another room so Howard could talk to Ed through the headphones. Ed had KC all hooked up so Howard went ahead and asked over 30 questions. KC seemed a little nervous when they first started. The most interesting ones came at the end of the list. Here are just a few of them:
After a little while Ed came back with the results. It turns out that Ed found that KC is most likely a bi-sexual. KC argued about his findings but Ed said that KC was lying about things like wanting to kiss Gary's lips and about being attracted to Howard. He wasn't attracted to Jackie though. KC was so defiant of the results that Howard decided to test him again because the first time was kind of disorganized and they didn't write down all of the questions correctly.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls about the test and one guy claimed that KC would always be the last one out of the shower when he was in high school. Gay Rich said that he'd like to have the good half of him if he's half gay. He said that KC is really his type too. Ralph called in and said that he was calling to ask KC if he wanted to go shopping with him. Howard ended up hanging up on him though.
KC was still insisting that he wasn't bi-sexual or gay even though Howard and Robin were telling him was from what they had just learned. Howard took some phone calls and let some more people goof on KC about the whole thing. Ed Torian told Howard that he thinks that KC likes men and women equally from what he could tell in the test.
Howard sent KC off to get tested again. He wanted to have it a little more organized this time. They went to break as that was going on.
Jazmine now dances at a club called the ''O'Farrell Theater'' out in San Francisco. In the that place there's no alcohol served so the women are able to dance totally nude for guys. She was talking about the hemp products that she wears and uses in her personal life. She said that hemp has been used throughout history. Stuttering John said that he likes the hemp clothing because it's actually soft and very comfortable. John said that they could also make paper out of hemp instead of cutting down the trees.
Howard found out Jazmine lost her virginity when she was 15 or 16 but she was messing around with other girls when she was only 4 years old. Howard got back to the club she works at and asked her about the stuff she does there. She said that guys can take her into a private booth and she'll dance totally nude for them. She also hinted that she could do stuff to the guys. Howard seemed amazed by that revelation and said he wants to see this place for himself. She said that guys can touch her in the private booths. She said ''a little bit'' when Howard asked if he could touch her in the booth. She also said that she can touch the guys. She said it's pretty expensive there so it starts out at $80 for one dance.
Howard went through the process with Jazmine to find out how a typical dance would happen. She told him that she couldn't undo his pants but Howard said he thinks she could. He said he was totally arouse thinking about the booth with her in it. He asked her to stand up and show off her body. He asked to see her ass because that's a telltale sign of what's going on. She did some posing for them but then Howard heard that KC was ready for his next test.
Howard got back to Ed Torian and KC for their next test. He asked Kathy or Anne Marie to write down the questions so they could keep track better this time. Howard then had Ed ask KC the control questions before he gave him the rest of the questions he wanted him to ask. Howard asked a few questions about KC's sexual preference trying to find out if he's ever had gay dreams and things like that. KC admitted that he had.
Howard went through a bunch of questions and then got back to Jazmine. He spent a little more time talking to her about what she was up to. He asked her more about the place where she works. She talked about some of the stuff that goes on there. Gary said that he was reading between the lines in the notes but it seems like she'd be a lot of fun if you went to see her at the club. She said that she's been given $1000 for one dance in the booth before.
Stuttering John came in at one point and said he's been to that club that Jazmine works at. He said that there are a lot of odd things that go on there. There's one room where guys take flashlights into a totally dark room and look at the women's private parts with the flashlight. She said that there are some pretty excentric things that go on there. John said the only problem is that they don't serve alcohol there.
Howard wanted Jazmine to get naked for him right there in the studio but she didn't want to for some reason. Howard said that she does it for a living so he wondered why she wouldn't do it there. Gary told her that Howard would probably get her more business if she did get naked for him. Jazmine said that they could come see her at the club. Gary said that she had a guy there with her so maybe that was the reason. The guy was a black guy according to Gary. She said that she doesn't care what color a guy's skin is. Howard told her she didn't have to make excuses. Eventually they got her to take her top off. She had some nice natural breasts according to Howard. He said he was going to go to break and then they were going to find out about KC's test.
Howard said that if he took the test himself, they'd find that he was straight. He said he'd do it today but Ed had to go. He took some phone calls and one guy said that maybe KC was just nervous. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and let Ed go. He spent a couple of minutes talking to KC about how he had just failed the test two times. KC said that they could say what they want but it really doesn't mean anything. Howard said he's convinced that he's gay. Gary said that he doesn't think that KC is gay but he may have some issues to deal with in his sexual life.
Howard moved on to the next guest and asked Gary for a little bit of information on him. Gary gave him a quick rundown of who he was and then brought him into the studio.
Howard spent a few minutes discussing sexual stuff with the guy. He found out that Paul's genitals are in proportion to the rest of his body so they're pretty damn big. He said that his girlfriend is in pain after having sex with him. Howard said ''he'd split you like firewood'' to Robin. Paul is not able to have anal sex because he's so large.
Howard also spent some time talking to Paul about the court case he just won. He was charged with punching out some guy who was badgering him at a hotel. He was provoked in to punching the guy after the guy yelled stuff at him and pushed him. One punch from Paul broke the guy's jaw. Paul said that he did go to jail when he was young but he refused to tell Howard why that was. He did talk about the first time he was arrested though.
When he was 12 years old he was 6'2'' tall and weighed 220 pounds. He said he looked like he was 25. He was out with his classmates at some function when he kissed another 12 year old. Someone saw the kiss and thought he was an older guy so they called the cops. They arrested him and asked him for some ID. He didn't have any since he was only 12. He ended up in the back of a police car crying with his classmates looking on. Howard figured that must have screwed him up pretty good. An innocent kiss turned into an arrest.
Paul talked about how he got married at the age of 25 and had a kid with the woman. He said that it's hard to be married and be out on the road like he is. He said that his daughter turned out very beautiful and she's not extra tall or anything like that.
Howard took some calls for Paul and one guy said that he was in the lobby the night Paul hit the guy. He told Howard about what he saw go down. Another caller said that he was there too and saw something different than what the other guy had seen. He said that Paul had no right to go and punch this guy the way he did. Paul said that the other guy threw the first punch so he was justified in punching the other guy out. Howard wrapped up with Paul a short time later and went to commercial break.
Howard heard that Gary was going to have his kids recording some stuff just playing around. Gary said he's going to have a bunch of kids over and he didn't think he could get permission from their parents to play it on the air. Howard got back to that speech and told Gary that he wants him to record that stuff. Gary said they have tape of him doing a bunch of other things so they don't need that.
Howard had Robin get back to her news and read through some more stories about...
Each week Mike calls in with some gossip stories. Three of them are from his weekly National Enquirer column and one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false one. Mike had a story to tell about Carmen Electra before the game. He said that after Carmen caught her husband Dennis Rodman in bed with two women, she ran off with drummer Tommy Lee to have sex with him. He said Tommy was in a hotel under the name ''Heywood Jablowme.'' After that he gave this week's four stories:
Howard came back and spent a little while with the 5'3'' tall 95 pound porn actress. She has giant D-cup breasts which she bumped up from a B-cup with implants. Howard said that she's really hot for a porn star. He also told her that she has the greatest ass he's ever seen. Devon has a couple of movies coming out from Vivid Video, one is ''Country Comfort'' and the other is ''On The Street.'' She also dances at Delilah's Den in Philadelphia, PA. At one point Howard told everyone that they played a prank on Devon while she was in the green room. This guy Travis who was on yesterday farting pretended to be the guy who fills the Snapple machine in the green room. He went in and started loading the machine with bottles. He then started farting away. He blasted off a few nasty ones and Devon would say ''What was that noise? Did you hear that?'' Travis would just keep at what he was doing and then blast a couple more. Howard played it and said it's better for TV but we got the idea. Before Devon left she told a story of how she got arrested when she was 16 for having some pot on her. She went to jail and the guards took away her clothes because she was whining and complaining so much. She said she was left naked with no sheets or pillows in the cell the whole night. By morning she'd stopped crying but a male guard just starred at her for a little while. Howard had to move on to Don King so Devon had to be going. Howard checked out her thong clad ass on the way out..