Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 2/8/99 to 2/12/99

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-- Monday February 8, 1999 --
• ''My (Radio) Niggas'' Song Parody Video Coming Soon? 2/8/99. 6:45am
  Howard mentioned that they're working on making a ''We Are The World''-type of video for the hit song parody ''My (Radio) Niggas.'' Last week Howard started playing the song and it became an instant hit on the show.

• Howard Hits Number 1 In Burlington Vermont. 2/8/99. 7:30am
  This guy Harry Jacobs from Howard's Burlington, Vermont station WIZN called in with some good news. Harry told Howard that after just 2 ratings periods he's gone to number one and beaten Corman the coach. Howard actually replaced this coach guy when he was put on the station up there. The coach changed stations and now Howard is beating him. The ratings are big for Howard also. I didn't catch all of the numbers but Howard has taken more than half of the coach's audience.

• Carrie Latt Wiatt, Nutritionist To The Stars, Comes In. 2/8/99. 7:45am
  This nutritionist who works with a lot of celebrities came in to promote her book ''Portion Savvy : The 30-Day Smart Plan for Eating Well.'' Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about some of the celebs she's worked with. She's worked with Jennifer Aniston for about 5 years and has slimmed her down about 30 pounds. Carrie has a masters degree in nutrition and food science. She's 40 years old but Howard said she looks pretty good. She claims that she hasn't had any plastic surgery and that it's all diet. Carrie also worked with Barbara Streissand and says that she was very hard to work for. They don't work together anymore. She also said that Dan Aykroyd and Rob Reiner were hard to work with. She's also worked with Terri Garr, Dennis Quaid, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Maria Schriver, Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and Queen Latifah. She went over Howard's diet quickly but didn't help out much other than telling him to eat only half of one of those nutrition bars instead of a full one. Carrie also told Howard that she has a syndicated TV show that airs in New York at 5:30 in the morning. Howard said it must be pretty bad if it airs at that time of the morning. The name of that show is ''Living Better with Carrie Wiatt.''

• Jenny The One Breast Woman Comes In To Show New Implants. 2/8/99. 8:00am
  Back on November 17 of last year this woman Jenny came in to ask for Howard to help her get a breast implant. She had only one fully developed breast at the time yet she was working at a Hooters restaurant. One was a c-cup and the other was barely an a-cup. Good old Dr. Sal Calabro called in and offered to donate the breast to her. Today she came in to show off her new breasts. Dr. Calabro had to give her two implants to make sure they'd match. He also gave Jenny a lot of liposuction. He took fat out of her stomach, thighs, back and arms. He even liposuctioned her waist to give it more definition. Jenny said that the implants were really painful for about a week but the liposuction wasn't too bad. Jenny told Howard that she was a virgin before she came on the show the first time but she had sex after she made that appearance. It was before the implants and the guy broke up with her just a week before she got the implants. He never got to feel them up himself. Howard had her take her top off to show him how they came out. Jenny showed them and Howard said ''Wow! Look at that!'' He checked them out for a few seconds. Dr. Calabro called in to tell Howard about what he did to her and said that he took out about 2-3 quarts of fat. Wow! He also said you can see the before and after pictures of Jenny at www.salcalabro.com.

• Movie Theater Horror Stories. 2/8/99. 8:30am
  Stuttering John came in to tell Howard how his airbag was stolen out of his new Jeep over the weekend while he was at a movie theater. Howard didn't know that this is a popular thing to get stolen now. The bags can run upwards of $1000 to replace so thieves will take them and sell them for just a couple hundred to someone who's been in an accident. That led to everyone talking about their bad movie theater experiences and where the worst places are to see movies in the New York area. John said that he was out at some place called Roosevelt Raceway in Westbury when the airbag was stolen. He said that while the cops were there writing a report on his vehicle, another vehicle was stolen from the lot. Howard told him that it was a bad area to see a movie in. Pretty soon Howard and the gang were talking about all of the worst areas to see a movie in. Howard also gave out a couple of places that are relatively safe to go to. At one point a real estate broker called in to give his opinion of the bad areas. He said that Westbury is ''transitioning'' and that Howard is right about pretty much every town he brought up. One woman called in a short time later and got pissed off that Howard assumed it was black kids who robbed Stuttering John's Jeep. She suggested that it could have been white kids because that area has a high rate of uneducated white kids. Howard argued with her for a couple of minutes but she didn't want to listen. A bunch of callers had their own horror stories about going to the movies in the New York area. There was one guy who said some guy ripped up the movie screen while he was watching the movie. Howard said he'd like to live in another area like Phoenix, Arizona where the population isn't so dense so he could sit and watch a movie.

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  -- Tuesday February 9, 1999 --

• Robin's Trip To ''Analyze This'' Movie Premiere. 2/9/99. 6:25am
  Robin spent a few minutes telling Howard about her trip to the cast and crew premiere of Harold Ramis' movie ''Analyze This'' last night. Howard said he was invited but he didn't want to go because Billy Crystal was going to be there and he didn't want to be uncomfortable. Robin said they probably wouldn't have even seen each other if he went. Robin said she saw Pat Cooper, Dan Aykroyd and Donna Dixon at the event. She sat next to Regis Philbin during the movie. It seems like Regis likes both Howard and Robin. He doesn't mind sitting next to Robin and he's spoken to Howard who has an apartment in the same building as him. Robin didn't have any major run-in's with anyone at the thing so they didn't spend too much time on the subject.

• Cruise Giveaway Contest. 2/9/99. 6:40am
  Howard had a ''cruise to nowhere'' trip to give away this morning so he tried playing a mystery record game. It turned out to be a really lame celebrity so Howard gave up on the game. It was Wilfred Brimley singing some awful song and no one was guessing it so Howard moved on to a ''Dead or Alive'' game. They finally gave the tickets away to someone who got 2 out of 3 correct. Here are the 3 celebs they guessed on:
  • Barbara Billingsly - Alive
  • Maurey Amsterdam - Dead
  • Hume Cronin - Alive

• Stuttering John Celebrity Interviews. 2/9/99. 7:05am
  Stuttering John went out to some Motion Picture Board of Review event last night and managed to get a few celebrity interviews. First up was Ron Howard who John kept calling Opie. He asked him if he's ever thought of using a toupee or getting hair transplants. Ron said that he has thought of it but decided just go bald. John also asked Ron about how he gives his brother all of the small parts in all of his movies. Ron said that he's actually in his new movie ''Ed TV'' and it's a pretty big part for him. John also interviewed Rex Reed the movie reviewer. John asked him if he ever used Prozac. Rex said he has and it worked so well that he stopped using it. Rex didn't like John's question about whether or not he's farted on the red carpet. He also didn't enjoy being asked if he's ever had a gay experience. He left after that one. John also got Erica Ashley and Michael Cain but they weren't that interesting. John asked Sonia Bragga to give Gary the Retard a happy birthday wish but she didn't understand him very well and made herself a birthday wish. Warren Beatty refused to answer any questions but tapped on John's microphone a couple of times. That was it for John's interviews but Howard had some tape of Jamie the intern at The Red Ball event. Jamie wasn't in to tell Howard what happened but he played the tape anyway. Jamie got Cindy Adams first and she actually stuck around and answered a bunch of questions. She was asked if penis size matters and said that she hasn't had one in so long it doesn't really matter at all. Jamie also asked her to guess Monica Lewinsky's weight. Cindy said something like 3000 pounds and said they could bend her over and put chairs around her ass to make a table! Jamie also got Naomi Judd but there weren't too many wacky answers with her.

• Melissa Gilbert Comes In. 2/9/99. 7:50am
  Actress Melissa Gilbert came in to promote her movie of the week ''Murder at 75 Birch Street'' which airs tonight at 9pm on CBS. Howard said that Melissa is looking pretty good with her bright red hair. Howard got right to asking the questions with her. He found out that she dated Tom Cruise when she was around 17 or 18 years old. She told Howard that they didn't have sex and Tom didn't even touch her breasts. Howard asked Melissa if she was sorry that she didn't make love to Michael Landon before he died also. Melissa just said ''no'' to that one. Melissa's friend Sandy was out in the green room so Howard wanted to check her out too. When she came in Howard told her that she had ''nice boobs'' more than once. She said that she's had 4 kids and her breasts are natural. Howard eventually got around to asking them about anal sex. Melissa said that she first experienced it when she dated Rob Lowe. She doesn't get it from her husband Bruce Boxleitner though. Howard told her that he must not be that good in bed then. Howard got a couple of other interesting facts out of Melissa like she lost her virginity to some actor by the name of Syril O'Reily and that she shaves her pubic area, no wax. She also said that she's a natural red head so she doesn't have to dye her pubes. Melissa worked with William Shatner recently and she said he refused to hold a remote control in his hand because it looked too much like a Star Trek Phaser. Before Melissa left Howard wanted to check out her feet. Howard says his feet are so good that he sometimes just stares at them himself. ''My god!'' she said when she saw his feet. Howard said that he has better feet than Melissa does.

• Spawn Creator Todd McFarlane Comes In. 2/9/99. 8:45am
  This guy Todd McFarlane is the guy who recently paid $3 Million for Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball. Until yesterday he was trying to remain anonymous. A lot of newspapers were speculating that he was the buyer though. He came in this morning and showed off his balls.. baseballs that is. Todd has a total of 9 balls from various players. He has at least one of Sammy Sosa's home run balls and a few of McGwire's. He doesn't plan on selling any of them. He says he's going to send the balls out on tour to show them to baseball fans. Any money he makes from doing that will go to charity. He claims that he spent most of his life savings on that #70 ball but he's not looking to make anything back on it. He's got other income from his comic book creation ''Spawn.'' Todd used to draw the Spiderman comics for Marvel Comics but when he changed the character's look they threatened to fire him. He then went off and started his own comic company. Now he's got the comics, a ''Spawn'' movie and HBO ''Spawn'' cartoons. He even directed the Pearl Jam video cartoon for ''Evolution.'' He also creates very detailed action figures which a lot of people enjoy. Ralph is one of those people so he came in to kiss Todd's ass for a few minutes. Todd pulled out an action figure of Howard that really impressed Howard. Todd said he wanted to get Howard to sign some licensing contract to put the figure out but I doubt that it'll happen. Howard said it was pretty amazing and he wants to buy it. Todd said he's got an Ozzy Osbourne doll coming out that comes complete with bats with their heads bitten off. Todd said that the third season for the HBO ''Spawn'' cartoon starts in May sometime.

• Monica Lewinsky's Lawyer Calls Gary. 2/9/99. 10:05am
  Gary came in and told Howard that Monica Lewinsky's lawyer called him to relay a message to Howard. He says that Monica likes Howard and that she does listen to him once in a while. He also said that the reason she didn't sign with Regan Books wasn't because they published Howard's book. They didn't give an alternate reason though. This came up because Howard was complaining about the fact Howard read that Monica was going around bad mouthing him in the newspapers. Howard said that he's been standing up for her and Clinton and they're the last ones who should complain about what he does. Howard suggested that she call in sometime but she's under a gag order right now. After all of the fat jokes he's made about her I doubt that they'll be hearing from her anytime soon.

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  -- Wednesday February 10, 1999 --

• Suggestions For Getting Oral And Anal From A Woman. 2/10/99. 6:30am
  Last week Howard kept saying how he was going to give some advice for getting your woman to give you oral and anal sex. Today he finally got around to talking about this article he read about it. He quickly gave some of the suggestions from the article. Here are the basics for getting a woman to give you oral:
  • Most women are willing to do it if the guy is clean, clean yourself up.
  • Ask nicely and don't force her into it.
  • Don't hold her head and force her on you.
  • Tell her what you want while she's performing it.
  • Express your pleasure while she's doing it.
  • Stroke her hair.
  • Talk dirty to her during the act
  • Support her choice of whether or not she wants to let you complete the act in there.
  • Stamina is not appreciated, don't hold out.
  • Don't dress up your penis with whipped cream or dopey clothes.
  That's basically what Howard pulled from the article about getting oral. He took a commercial break and came back to give the anal suggestions. Due to the fact that Tom Chiusano and or Andre have touchy delay button fingers, quite a bit of the segment was chopped out. Howard was also rushing through the conversation to get to Daniel Carver. Here are the suggestions and tips:
  • Most women don't have the need or want to do anal sex. They could live without it.
  • Make sure you have clear verbal consent from the woman before going at it.
  • Proceed slowly.
  • Use lubricants.
  • A condom is a must.
  • Allow the woman to perform the same type of thing on you.
  So that's basically what everyone waited patiently for. Howard said he wasn't sure where the article came from otherwise he would have given it a plug. At the end of the conversation Daniel Carver was on the phone so Howard asked him about the anal stuff. Daniel said he's been married 30 years and he's never tried anal sex but he gets regular sex more than 2 times a week! Congratulations Daniel!

• Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 2/10/99. 7:15am
  KKK member Daniel Carver called in to give a few movie reviews this morning. Howard spent a minute talking to Dan about his sex life, as seen above, then moved on to the reviews. The first movie up was ''Mandingo.'' Howard played a couple of clips of the movie and Daniel gave his review of 2 hanging nooses. Daniel said that the best part of the movie was when this Mandingo guy was boiled alive. He said it was pretty funny. The second movie was ''Watermelon Man'' which is about a white guy who wakes up black one day. Daniel said it was a really funny movie and gave it a 4 hanging noose rating. The final movie reviewed today was ''Fiddler on the Roof.'' Daniel didn't like this one at all. He said he didn't enjoy all of the singing and stuff in the movie so he gave it a zero rating. For a review of all of Daniel's movie reviews visit my Daniel Carver Movie Review Summary page. You can also find the address to order his $3, 60 page catalog there. After the reviews Daniel wanted to talk about Black History Month. He got up on his soap box and started to yell about how the black people are taking over the country. Howard asked him why the KKK won't do anything about it but they'll complain about it. Daniel said that he is scared of ''them'' and stays away from conflict. He did say that the KKK will be celebrating down in Ft. Pierce, Florida this coming Saturday at White City Park or something like that. They want to ''wake up the white people'' about what's going on. Before Daniel was done Howard took a few phone calls. One Native American called in to get Dan's opinion about that subject. Daniel just said that his daddy once told him that ''the only good indian is a dead indian'' and ended it there.

• Joe The Stockbroker And His Loud(?) Farts. 2/10/99. 8:00am
  This guy Joe the Stockbroker came in claiming that he has really loud farts. Howard set up a ''Fart-O-Meter'' for the segment but to make a long story short, the guy failed to perform. He farted about 2 times and they weren't loud. It was a big let down for everyone. He came in disguised and everything because he didn't want to embarrass his company. Howard ended up taking phone calls while Joe tried to fart. One guy called in from South Dakota and farted better than Joe. Howard said they'd have to fly him in to test out the ''Fart-O-Meter.'' Joe said that he had a tape of himself farting from yesterday so Howard got that to play but it was so lame that he just gave up on the guy. Howard pointed out that KC should have screened this guy better than he did. KC said that Joe told him that he'd be able to perform when he came in. If he takes everyone's word then anyone should be able to get on the show.. give it a try!

• Drew Carey Calls In. 2/10/99. 8:15am
  Howard recently heard about a lawsuit between comedian Drew Carey and the Canadian A&W Restaurant chain. He heard that A&W Restaurants were upset that Drew was in a McDonalds restaurant in one episode of his TV show ''The Drew Carey Show.'' Drew called in this morning to give Howard all of the details. Drew said that he signed to do commercial endorsements with the A&W Restaurant chain up in Canada. He signed for one year at $450,000 with an option of a second year at $600,000. He did the first year and enjoyed doing the promotions they asked him to do. They were all ready to do a second year of promotion. Then, in one episode of his TV show he stopped in a McDonalds in Bejing, China to try and get home to the U.S. The people at A&W got upset and said that they're not going to pay Drew for the second year and that they want the first year's $450,000 back from him. Drew didn't really even eat at the restaurant on the show but A&W freaked out anyway. Drew is now defending himself up in Canada and suing A&W down here in the States for the other $600,000. A&W is even asking that Drew never show the McDonalds episode again. Drew said he just can't do that. So after that was all settled Howard plugged Drew's show which airs Wednesday nights at 9pm on ABC.

• Mark Harris Returns. 2/10/99. 9:00am
  The always annoying Mark Harris returned to the show today. The last time he was on he walked off the show and said he'd never come back on. It was all because Howard wanted him to do a lie detector test to find out if he was really gay or not. Well, Mark came back like nothing ever happened. He came in singing ''Just a Gigolo'' in the gayest voice you've ever heard. Howard spent way too much time talking to him but there was quite a bit to talk about. Mark's got a show coming up this weekend at ''The New Huntington Townhouse'' dinner theater. He's now calling himself ''The Showman for the Millennium'' and singing his awful songs. Howard said he has to see this gig he's doing. It'll probably be so bad it'll be funny to watch. Howard found out that Mark once met Rock Hudson and saw his large penis. Mark said there was no sex between the two of them but they did kiss. It was at a time when he was upset over his mother losing one of her legs and Rock was comforting him. Mark was 33 at the time. He said that Rock's penis was so big that it hung out of his boxer shorts. When he told his mother that he met Rock she said to him that he should move in with him. He never did. Mark also met Liberace but, once again he never had sexual relations with him. Mark said he wrote a Broadway musical for Liberace but it never happened. Howard told Mark that the next time he comes on the show he has to wear a bra and panties. Mark said he'll never do that but Howard thinks he'll get desperate and will do it. Before Mark left Howard took a phone call from Captain Janks. Janks was pissed that Mark bad mouthed Howard after his last appearance so he went at him like a rabid dog. Janks called Mark a ''turd'' and a ''faggot'' so many times that I lost count. He said ''How dare you bad mouth the show you faggot!'' I think Howard enjoyed hearing that. Mark did bad mouth Howard after that last show and said that his syndicated Saturday night show would be the beginning of his downfall. To end the segment Mark sang a song about Howard that sounded just like every one of his other songs. This time it was about Howard's downfall and how Howard will lose his show nationally. It was not a positive song about the show at all. Why they let this asswipe back on the show without a punishment for his behavior I'll never know.

• Jamie The Hot Intern. 2/10/99. 10:00am
  Yesterday Howard played some celebrity interviews that Stuttering John did. He also played a couple of interviews that Jamie the intern did but she wasn't working yesterday so she didn't get any air time. Today she was in so Howard had her come into the studio so he could replay her interviews. Jamie is known as ''The hot intern'' because all of the guys in the office are always hanging around her. Howard replayed her interviews then spent a few minutes talking to the 20 year old. Gary said she's the type of girl who never wears the same outfit twice and she dresses really nice. Mike Gange said that she was so good looking that security at the Red Ball let her into the event with no problem which has never happened in the past. Even Cindy Adams was nice to her because she didn't look like someone who would work for The Howard Stern Show. The discussion moved to which guys think they could date her. Doug from E! said that if he wasn't in a relationship he could probably get her. Jamie said that she probably would date him if he was single. Even fat Benjy thinks that if he lost weight he could get her. She didn't seem to agree with that. Howard said that he was the only one in the room that could actually get a date with her if he wanted to.

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  -- Thursday February 11, 1999 --

• KC Gay Discussion. 2/11/99. 6:30am
  Howard spent a while talking to KC about how he may be gay. KC was in the studio to tell Howard something and Howard pointed out how red he is from going to a tanning salon. That led to them talking about how he does it to look better but they don't know why he'd do that because he's so good looking already. Then this story about how KC wouldn't go to a Jaccuzzi with this girl down in New Orleans came up. KC was with this hot looking woman down there for the NATPE convention. They were hanging out and she wanted to go across the street to her hotel to go in the hot tub. KC didn't want to go out in a robe so he told her that. She told KC that he looked like a really unhappy person and wanted to talk to him. Howard couldn't believe that KC wouldn't just go to the hot tub and hang out with this woman. KC said he didn't want to walk out on the street naked and didn't want to leave his wallet in his room while he was out. Most guys would have run across the street totally naked to get in a hot tub with a woman. KC told Howard that the woman turned out to be kind of psycho anyway. He said when he went to kiss her she said that she hardly knows him and backed off. Then when he was going to leave she wouldn't let go of his leg. Howard told him that she just wanted some sweet talking to get her in the mood. Everyone seems to think that KC might be gay because of this. KC just thinks that he's sensitive to women. What a dope.

• Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf Comes In. 2/11/99. 7:15am
  Everyone's favorite little guy came in to plug an appearance he's making at Charlie's Angels in Carteret, NJ tonight from 8-12pm. Of course Hank had his bottles of mixed drinks in his hand when he came in. He had some vodka and coke to sip on the whole time he was there. As soon as he got in High Pitched Eric called in to try and get on the show today. Eric had some Jewish Rapper with him and begged Howard to come up to the studio. He said he'd do anything, even kiss Hank on the lips, to get up there. Hank said he'd throw Eric out a window if he tried to kiss him. Howard eventually got Benjy to agree to be kissed by Eric. In the meantime Hank and Howard talked about all the money he's making with his appearances now. His manager is Doug Goodstein from the E! show crew. Doug said that Hank is pulling in $3000 a month or so now. He was getting about $500 before his fame hit. He also has an agent, Bob from Pegasus Concerts, who does all the contracts for Hank's appearances. He called in and said that Hank is making more like $5-7000 a month now. Hank says that all he has in the bank is $200. He claims that an ex-friend stole it all from him when he'd go to deposit the money for him.Hank also has a girlfriend now and she's really good looking according to Howard. Hank said he's done oral on her but she hasn't done it on him yet. She called in for a couple of minutes to talk to Howard about how they met. She's going to be hanging out with him this weekend. The other big news for Hank is that he's in a movie called ''The Shoe Shine Boys'' and somehow Martin Landau saw it and thinks Hank is great. Hank is going out to Los Angeles for a premiere for the movie and he's going to be meeting with Mr. Landau. After that story Howard found out that Hank had to sleep in a closet down in Atlantic City. He was down there with Doug to make an appearance and the hotel messed up with the rooms so there was only one available. Doug slept in the bed and made up the closet for Hank to sleep in. He put some blankets down and Hank was able to sleep in there. Hank said it was pretty comfortable and didn't mind that Doug took the bed. They also talked about how Hank has missed out on airline flights because he's been too drunk to even get on the plane. The guy is a mess and we love him! Howard took a break before bringing in High Pitched Eric.

• High Pitched Eric Kisses Benjy. 2/11/99. 8:00am
  High Pitched Eric, who sounds like Mickey Mouse, came in with no shirt on to kiss Benjy. He just wanted to get his Jewish Rapper buddy on the air so he was willing to do anything. Howard said Eric looked really awful with his shirt off. Earlier Benjy agreed to do the kiss if they cleaned up Eric and if he'd be allowed to kiss a girl on the air sometime. When they were about to kiss Benjy had some Fantastic all purpose cleaner to clean off Eric's lips. He kept telling everyone that it's not poison and that it's safe for kids so it's okay to use on his lips. Everyone told him he was nuts and didn't let him use it. Hank started to walk out of the studio when he saw all of this going on. He was repulsed by the site of these two fat guys getting ready to kiss. Eventually they kissed and got it over with. Benjy said it was like two slugs on his lips when they kissed. He said that there were no tongues involved. Hank said ''that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.'' Eric never said that he's not gay, he just kept saying that he doesn't have a girlfriend. Then Howard heard that Eric is always calling people asking to hang out with them. Specifically, he calls a couple of weather forecasters on the local news in New York. Eric said he just likes to meet new people. I know this for a fact because for a while he was e-mailing me asking if I wanted to hang out with him sometime. So after that Howard let the Jewish Rapper guy come in to do his thing. Etan G (JewishRapper.com) was the guy's name. He's in ''Shlock Rock'' (ShlockRock.com) and gave Howard a little sample of his song ''Makin Motzi'' which was really goofy. After that Howard was wrapping things up and mentioned that they have a trip to L.A. To appear on ''Party of Five'' and they're planning on doing a homeless game to give it away. They were thinking of doing the game with Hank answering the questions. It turns out he was too smart to do it. He was able to answer most of the sample questions they gave him. You can find out more about Hank's appearances by visiting www.pegasusconcerts.com.

• The Homeless Game. 2/11/99. 8:45am
  Howard had a prize to give away today so he did it by playing the homeless game with a listener. The prize was a trip to Los Angeles to appear in an episode of ''Party of Five'' with special guest R.E.M. Howard got a woman by the name of Logan on the phone. She's some kind of sexuality expert who just called in to talk to Howard about anal sex. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about that. Logan told Howard that she teaches classes about masturbation and stuff like that at a college in Pennsylvania. She said she's pretty good looking and later in the show she showed up to prove it. First she played the game. She had to get 3 out of 5 questions right to win the trip. As you can see below, she won the trip. Here are the four questions she had to guess at:

  Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  Who is the Governor of New York?	N	Don't know	N
  What does the abbreviation UFO stand for?	N	Spaceship	N
  Finish the name of this comedy team: Abbott and..	N	Costello	Y
  What sport does Michael Jordan play?	Y	Basketball	Y

  After that part of the game Howard and the gang continued to bet on the rest of the questions... and there were a lot of them:

  Question	Homeless Answer	Correct?
  What sport does Tiger Woods play?	Football	N
  Who discovered America?	Christopher Lumfort	N
  How many hours are in a day?	Twenty four	Y
  How many minutes are in an hour?	Twenty seven	N
  How many sides does a pentagon have?	Five	Y
  What religion is a Rabbi?	Don't know	N
  Can you name one Jewish holiday?	No	N
  How many eggs are in a dozen?	Twelve	Y
  What does TV stand for?	Don't know	N
  How many musketeers were there?	Three	Y
  Name one sexually transmitted disease.	AIDS	Y
  What are diamonds made from?	Don't know	N
  What instrument is Eddie Van Halen known for playing?	Piano	N
  Who is the current mayor of New York?	Giulianni	Y
  Who is Conan O'Brien?	Basketball player	N
  What are baby cows called?	Calf	Y
  What part of the body does a gynecologist work on?	Cans	N
  How many elbows does a human have?	Two	Y
  Who is the host of The Tonight Show?	Don't know	N
  Fill this in.. The blank Stooges.	Three	Y
  How many states are in the United States?	Fifty two	N
  Who is the vice president of the U.S.?	Clinton	N
  Who was the first President of the U.S.?	Abe Lincoln	N
  Name one ocean.	Pacific	Y
  How many wheels are on a tricycle?	Three	Y
  What vegetable is a pickle made from?	Carrot	N
  How many innings are in a baseball game?	Six	N
  What animal is bacon made from?	Pig	Y
  How many testicles do you have?	Four	N
  Who was Popeye's girlfriend?	Olive Oyl	Y
  What is the capital of New York?	Harley	N
  Spell Cat.	C.A.T.	Y

  So many questions.. I can't believe I do this every day.

• Logan The Sex Expert Comes In. 2/11/99. 9:40am
  The woman who played the homeless game was only a short trip away from Howard so she came down to the studio. She turned out to be a little bit less attractive than she described on the phone. She told Howard she thought she was an 8 on a scale of 1-10. Howard said she was a little bit chunky and said she's more like a 5 or a 6. For the next 35 minutes Howard and the gang rated celebrities and themselves on a scale of 1-10. It was non stop evaluations of everyone from Howard himself to Pamela Anderson. Here are some of Howard's ratings:
  • Carmen Electra - 9
  • Calista Flockhart - 7
  • Heather Locklear - 9
  • Pamela Anderson - 10
  • Keri Russell(Felicity) - 7
  • Teri Hatcher - 9 or 8
  • Jenna Jameson - 9
  • Amy Lynn - 8.5 or 9
  • Vannessa Williams - 9
  • Courtney Love - 6 or 7
  • Courtney Thorne Smith - 7
  • Alicia Silverstone - 7
  • Mary McCormack - 8
  Those were just the celebrities he rated to compare them to Logan. After that he did his wife and everyone else around the show. Here are some of those:
  • Alison Stern - 9
  • Alison Norris - 9
  • Nancy Sirianni Martling - 9
  • Mary Dell'Abate - 10
  When Howard was reminded that Logan does anal sex he moved her up to an 8. Here are more of his ratings:
  • Robin - Two 10's for her breasts
  • Howard - 2
  • Gary - 6
  • Jackie - 5 or 6
  • Fred - 5
  • KC - 8 or 9
  • High Pitched Eric - 1
  • Hank the dwarf - 1
  • Stuttering John - 8
  No one believes that Howard is that low. He gave himself the 2 and wouldn't bring up the number. Everyone else thought that he's better looking than Gary. Howard put through one woman on the phone who agreed that all of the guys on the show are ugly and said none of them are more than a 5. Howard also rated a few male celebrities to compare himself to them:
  • Mayor Giulianni - 1
  • Bill Maher - 1
  • Jerry Seinfeld - 4
  • David Letterman - 2
  • Jay Leno - 2
  • Garry Shandling - 1
  • Ed Burns - 7 or 8
  • Sam Kinison - 1
  This just kept going on and on forever.. At least they didn't pick on Logan for the whole 35 minutes. She'd be in tears if they picked her apart like Howard picked himself apart. Next week Gary said they're having some modeling agency people in to evaluate all the guys. They'll be doing a beauty pageant type thing with them. Howard thinks he'll come in close to last and Fred or John will win out overall. We'll see what happens next week.

  ---

  -- Friday February 12, 1999 --

• Ex-Jesus Twin ''Satan'' Comes In. 2/12/99. 6:55am
  This had to be one of the stranger things to happen to the show in a while. A couple of years ago there was this band The Jesus Twins who thought they were the next big thing. They would come on the show and tell Howard how they were going to be like the next Beatles. A lot of Stern fans hated them and they eventually got kicked off the show for bad mouthing Howard. Obviously they never made anything of themselves. Well, today one of them showed up at the building calling himself Satan. He's shaved his head and according to Gary, he looks very ''demonic.'' Howard let the guy come in but he was eerily quiet. He did say something about breaking out of a hospital or something and that he's not a side show. His brother is still out in Los Angeles but we don't know (or care) what he's up to. Howard couldn't get ''Satan'' to say anything so he told Gary to take him out and feed him to see if he'd liven up. He thought they could bring him back later in the show to talk to him. It didn't happen.

• More Evaluating. 2/12/99. 7:05am
  Howard spent over a half hour talking about how bad he looks and rating celebrities yesterday. He continued that conversation today. He rated a bunch more people and still thinks that he's only a 2 on a scale of 10. I'll skip over most of the stuff because he did it yesterday. Tara the camera woman came in and told Howard that she thinks he fluctuates over the scale between a 3 and an 8 depending on camera angle. She said he can be really good looking or pretty bad. Howard agreed with her but when he looks in the mirror he thinks he's a 2 no matter what. Intern Anne Marie said that she thinks Howard is an 8 in her eyes... can you say star struck? Howard only did this for 15 minutes today.

• The Gossip Game With Guest Rosie Perez. 2/12/99. 7:35am
  Actress Rosie Perez came in to promote her new movie ''24 Hour Woman'' this morning. The movie opens around the country next Friday. As soon as Rosie came in Howard said that he saw a picture of her topless on the web and that her breasts are amazing. The picture was taken from a scene in ''Subway Stories'' where she did a topless scene. Howard spent a little while talking to Rosie and found out that in her next movie, ''King of the Jungle'', she plays a pot head lesbian and does a lesbian kissing scene. She told Howard that she didn't enjoy doing the scene. She did kiss and feel up the other woman in the scene but she didn't get excited. Her fiance directed the movie. Howard interrupted the conversation to play the Mike Walker Gossip game.

  Mike Walker calls in each week with stories from his National Enquirer gossip column. 3 of the stories are true, one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false one. Here are this week's stories:

  1. In Wil Smith's new cowboy movie, ''Wild Wild West'', he glued his ears back so they wouldn't stick out so much under his cowboy hat.
  2. Michael Jackson is looking for a sculptor to do a bronze statue of him and some children romping around nude.
  3. Lorenzo Lammas had some ligaments in his knee replaced with those of a female corpse.
  4. Howie Mandel toilet papered a guy on an airline flight while he was sleeping. The guy woke up and didn't get upset because he was a fan of Howie's.
  Well, everyone knew that the Lorenzo Lammas story was true because he told Howard that info on the NATPE show 2 weeks ago. Rosie chose number 2 as the false story. Howard, Jackie and Robin all chose number 4 as the false story. The actual false story was number 1. Howard can't believe that an airline would let someone get away with toilet papering someone on a flight.

  After the game Howard spent more time with Rosie. She was very quiet this morning and it turned out that she just got in at 2am this morning so she was still half asleep. At one point KC walked into the studio and Rosie perked right up. She was talking about his hair and flirted with him a bit. She said she wasn't flirting with him but it was pretty obvious. Howard told her the story about how KC backed out of going to a hot tub with a woman down in New Orleans to show how weird the guy is. Howard went through his notes and found out that Rosie did some event called ''Vagina Day'' that Rosie participated in. It was some kind of theater thing where she did a monolog about getting her period. Howard also spoke to her about her days as a dancer on ''Soul Train.'' Howard took some phone calls during the conversation also. One guy brought up the fact that Rosie worked with Jennifer Lopez on ''In Living Color'' a few years back. Rosie didn't want to bad mouth Jennifer but she did say that she didn't understand the format of the show back then. Rosie said that Lopez would get upset when she'd be cut from a dance segment but it wasn't Rosie's fault. She had to take orders from her boss, Keenan Ivory Wayans, but Jennifer thought it was Rosie doing the cut. Rosie also told Howard about how her dress fell off at a club one time. She was in her sister's dress, a little big on her, with spaghetti straps. She wasn't wearing a bra and when she made a move the dress fell down to her knees and exposed her breasts. One caller asked if she has breast implants. She and Howard both said ''no'' to that one. Before she left Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know if Rosie slept with the late Tupac Shakur. Rosie said that she went to an event with him but she didn't sleep with him. She got a kiss from him at the end of the night but no sex.

• Howard Listens To Old Dirty Bastard Press Conference. 2/12/99. 8:35am
  Late in the show yesterday Howard started to play tape of a hilarious press conference that O.D.B. from Wu Tang Klan held. The press conference was so he could talk about his recent arrest and release from jail. O.D.B. was cursing up a storm and Howard was loving every second of it so he played it today. The original press conference was 25 minutes long but Howard had Gary cut it down to 8 minutes. The probably could have spent all morning goofing on the tape if it was 25 minutes long.

• Melrose Larry Comes In. 2/12/99. 10:35am
  Melrose Larry Green came in to plug the fact that he'll be opening for Mark Harris this weekend. Somehow Larry hooked up with Mark and is now his opening act. Howard let him in for 5 minutes to do the plug but Larry ended up admitting that he gave a hand job to some guy back in the '70's. He said they were smoking pot and he jerked the guy off. Then a minute later he said he did another guy one time but he's never let another guy do it to him. He also admitted that he finds Mark Harris attractive and will be staying at Mark's home while he's his opening act! So many revelations in so little time.. To get more info about Melrose Larry Green just visit his web site at www.melroselarry.com.