-- Monday November 1, 1999 --
- Howard Back After Illness. 11/1/99. 6:05am
Howard returned to the show live this morning after being out sick 3 days last week. He said that he got really sick with a fever last week. He lost his voice completely and wasn't able to speak. He said that this separation has really done a job on him. He was just a mess the whole week. He's also starting to see what single life is like because he had no one to take care of him at his apartment like he would if he was at home.
- Howard Reads Articles About His Separation. 11/1/99. 6:25am
After reading a couple of sympathy notes from people like Regis Philbin and Peter Wolf from the J. Geils Band Howard read some articles about his separation. The tabloid articles are pretty funny because they're not true according to Howard. The one article he read said that a porno tape was the final blow to his marriage. It said that Howard had promised to take Alison out one night but he stayed at his apartment in the city and watched a porno instead. Howard said the only article that was even close to being accurate was in the National Enquirer. Howard also went off on the divorce attorney he'd hired during the separation to look over their legal separation papers. That attorney went around talking to the press even after Howard told him not to do that. Howard said he told the guy 20 times not to talk to anyone and to refer them to his publicist Dan Klores, but the guy went ahead and did it anyway. Howard said the lawyer told him that if he hadn't spoken to the press they would have thought something strange was going on.
- Polio Mike Interviews Dan Ingram. 11/1/99. 6:55am
This guy Polio Mike went out and interviewed a New York radio host by the name of Dan Ingram. Basically the guy hates Howard and kept telling Mike that Howard doesn't have any talent. After playing the interview Howard said he was more interested in finding out how Polio Mike got Polio at the age of 28. Mike called in later in the show and told Howard that he was never inoculated as a child. Then later in life he got some kind of virus and lost the use of his arm
- Dr. Atwood Talks About ''Husbands Who Love Men.'' 11/1/99. 7:25am
This woman Dr. Aileen Atwood wrote a book called ''Husbands Who Love Men.'' Howard had her on the air to explain what the book was about after he'd given his own explanation. Howard said it was about gay men who get married for some reason. He figured we'd find out why they do that. After talking to Dr. Atwood for a little while Howard announced that he'd learned nothing. Dr. Atwood told Howard she wrote the book to ask the question ''why do men do this'' and she really didn't have an answer. Howard read some of the clues for women that Dr. Atwood gives in the book. She says that if your man is very charming, a church going man, homophobic or enjoys the theater very much then you may be married to a gay man. Dr. Atwood said that she wrote the book for women who have suspicions about their husbands. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from people who have had experiences like this. There was at least one guy who said that he's married and has a gay lover. One woman said she knows of two relationships like that but they weren't her own. One caller thought it was kind of strange that Howard had this doctor on right after his own separation.. His theory is that Howard may be gay.
- Howard's Halloween Night Out With His Daughter. 11/1/99. 8:05am
Howard spent a little while talking about his Halloween night out with his youngest daughter Ashley. He dressed up in his own costume and brought his daughter around to collect candy. He was pretty impressed with some of the houses he visited and how people get into this Halloween stuff. He also said that his costume was really hot so when he'd take the mask of people would see his real face. They'd then ask him to remove his mask.
- Dave Grohl Of The Foo Fighters Performs Live. 11/1/99. 8:45am
Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins, the drummer for the Foo Fighters, came in to promote their new album ''There Is Nothing Left To Lose'' and to play an acoustic version of the song ''My Hero'' which Howard loves so much. Howard spent a while talking to Dave and Taylor about the band and how they've gone through so many other members. They've lost a couple and had to recently fire one of Dave's best friend's Franz. Dave explained that Franz just wasn't ''in sync'' with the rest of the band on the new album so they agreed that he had to be let go. Dave said he was really upset because he's known the guy since he was about 15. When they were rehearsing for the new stuff Franz was kind of ''rough.''
Dave told Howard that he's built a studio in his home and they recorded the new album there. That scared Howard because he thinks when someone builds a home studio they never have another hit album again. His example was Eddie Van Halen. Someone said when a band gets their own label they never have a hit either. Dave said they also have that now.. Roswell Records.
Howard spent some time talking to Taylor, a Brad Pitt look-alike, because he gets laid a lot.. or at least that's what Howard thinks. Taylor dated Minnie Driver for a couple of months and he's now got a girlfriend but he didn't talk too much about it. Taylor said Dave's got a girlfriend now but he didn't mention any names.
Howard eventually asked Dave to perform ''My Hero'' off their last album ''The Colour & The Shape.'' The last time Dave was in he did an acoustic version of ''Everlong'' which was an amazing performance. After that performance it was picked up by other radio stations around the country and it got more requests than the studio version. Howard said they get more requests for it on their show than just about anything else. Howard then set up the microphone's and let Dave roll. He did another great acoustic performance. He just about blew his voice out during the song though. He said it actually hurt when he was done.
After the song Taylor asked for a Coke and it somehow led to a discussion about drugs. Dave said acid was his favorite and Howard said that was his least favorite. He told Dave about his bad acid trip after taking 4 hits at one time. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Dave and Taylor and there was some very positive feedback about the song. One guy asked whether or not Dave has considered doing an acoustic album. He said that one song on the new album is acoustic. He then did an acoustic version of that even with his voice being shot. Howard and Robin theorized that ''My Hero'' is about Kurt Cobain. Dave said it's really not, it's just about how he looks up to ordinary people more than celebrities.. or something like that. Howard said that all of Dave's songs make him sad and he can't listen to them or he gets too upset. Dave doesn't understand why that is. He then told Howard that his new song ''Aurora'' would make him really upset. Howard played some of it and it did make him sad but not as much as their new hit single ''Learn To Fly.'' Howard, Dave and Taylor then went on to discuss bands that can get them weepy. Howard said when he was younger people like Crosby, Stills and Nash, Neil Young and John Lennon's solo stuff was really heart wrenching.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and played a clip of ''Gimme Stitches'' off of their new album before ending the segment. The Foo Fighters will be at HMV Records on Lexington Ave. Tonight at 11pm and will be signing their album after midnight. On Thursday, November 4 They'll be at Tower Records on 66th and Broadway. Dave will be behind the counter as a clerk reliving his experience as a Tower Records clerk in Washington DC as a young man.
-- Tuesday November 2, 1999 --
- Separation Working For Howard And Alison. 11/2/99. 6:05am
First thing this morning Howard told Robin that his separation is working well so far. He and his wife agreed that they're getting along better than ever since they've taken all of the negatives out of their relationship. One negative being living together. He said they seem to be more in love now. Howard said that he's still married in his mind even though they've separated. He doesn't think that he'll be dating anytime soon if at all. Benjy came in at one point and said Howard's separation made the ''South China Post.'' Benjy has been monitoring all of the news stories about Howard and he ran across that bit of useless information.
- Jailed Riley Martin Calls In. 11/2/99. 6:45am
Alien abductee Riley Martin called in this morning to plug his book ''The Coming of Tan'' once again. This time, though, he was calling from the Warren County Jail in New Jersey. He was busted on drug charges a few months back and didn't manage to get off like he thought he would. He told Howard he's probably going to be in between 12 and 16 months depending on whether or not he can get in to a rehab program. He only had a minute to talk to Howard and he plugged his web site RileyMartin.com.
- Howard Plays Various Tapes. 11/2/99. 7:40am
Howard had a bunch of tapes sitting around that he hasn't gotten to so he played a few today. The first one was Dan The Farter. Dan sent Howard a tape of himself sitting on the toilet farting to The Village People's song ''YMCA.'' Howard said you can see Dan's balls just hanging there as he rips the farts and does the YMCA hand movements. Dan is the one who has crapped on the floor of the studio more than once while farting for Howard. I guess he now has to sit on the toilet at home so he doesn't make a mess.
Howard also had tape of Gary Garver interviewing Chris (or is it Kris?) Kristopherson. Here are a few of the questions he asked:
Chris said that he's reading scripts for movies and he hopes to do something. He said that doing a movie with Barbara is up to her. He also said that he has been aroused during love scenes and that's one of the good things about being an actor. He has smoked pot. He didn't like the Janis Joplin question. He said yes to the ''tit'' question but walked away after it.
- Are there any new movies in your future?
- Will you work with Barbara Streissand again?
- Have you ever been aroused during a love scene?
- Did you ever smoke marijuana?
- Did you ever poke Janis Joplin?
- Does Barbara Streissand have big tits?
Finally, Howard had tape of Stern impersonator Mancow ranting about Howard's separation. Howard played little bits of the tape and went off on how Mancow is a liar and an impersonator who's father was embarrassed by him. Mancow brought up the fact that Howard made fun of his father's death a couple years back but Howard just went off on him again today. Howard called Mancow a ''dwarf'' and a ''freak'' among other things.
- Actor Luke Perry Comes In. 11/2/99. 8:35am
Actor Luke Perry, of ''Beverly Hills 90210'', came in to plug the show and to hang out for a while this morning. Howard spent quite a while talking to Luke about his co-star and love interest on the show, Vanessa Marcil. Howard thinks she's really hot and wanted to know what it's like to work with her doing love scenes. Luke admitted that he does get aroused once in a while during the love scenes they do. He's married though so he's never actually slept with her. Howard also pointed out that Luke dated Yasmine Bleeth for 3 years before he was famous. Howard also had some other info he read about Luke. He said that Luke hated his real father because he used to beat his mother. His parents split when Luke was only 6 and his father never visited him. His step father was cool though. His real father died when Luke was only 12 so he never got to see Luke become famous. Luke spent a little while talking about his wife. He said that she doesn't work, she's a full time wife and mother to their child. He said she doesn't care much about the whole stardom thing and doesn't even visit the set of ''Beverly Hills 90210'' much. He said he's a very happy man. Howard took a few phone calls during the interview and one guy said that there's no way Luke is 5'10'' tall. Earlier in the show that's how tall he claimed to be. Howard had KC bring in a tape measure and they measured him right there. KC came up with 70 inches which is 5'10''. The caller was originally willing to bet his car on that fact but when Howard told him he'd lost the guy just said ''I'll leave the car out front'' and hung up the phone. Howard found out one thing he didn't know about Luke. Luke had once been quoted as saying that ''the only thing interesting about Aaron Spelling's production company is his accounting department.'' Luke went on to explain that he'd actually had Spelling's production company audited because he felt he was owed some money. He was right and the company paid up money owed not only to him but other cast members. Another phone caller told Howard that Vanessa Marcil was married to Corey Feldman at one time. Luke didn't even know that little fact and he just said ''Ouch!'' to that revelation. Actor Stephen Baldwin called in at one point to talk to Luke but he really didn't have much to say. He said that he and Luke are good friends and they did the movie ''8 Seconds'' together but there wasn't much else. Near the end of the interview Howard was reading one of Luke's plugs. It said that he'll be visiting patients at Beth Israel Hospital today. He's going in to visit with dying kids. Howard then spent a few minutes talking about how weird that must be for the kids. He said they must know the end is near when celebrities come in and visit. Luke is also appearing at some Rosie O'Donnell Breast Cancer Boutique where he'll be donating some money.
- Barry Williams Checks In. 11/2/99. 9:20am
Barry Williams, who was on the show just a few weeks ago, called in this morning. Howard has been promoting the fact that Barry's performance of ''Rhythm of the Night'' will be featured on this week's syndicated Saturday night show. Howard played some of the video while Barry was on the phone. Barry was only on the phone for a minute or two just so Howard could tell him that he's on the show this weekend and to plug the show of course. Barry said it was like living in the zoo and he was just another one of the animals during that mess.
- Savannah From Scores Presents Jackie With New CD. 11/2/99. 9:30am
Today is the official release for Jackie's new CD ''Come Again'' so the people at Oglio Records sent stripper Savannah over to present Jackie with the ''first'' CD. Howard said originally Oglio just wanted to do this off the air but Howard said he wanted to see what it was all about so he had Savannah come in. Howard told Savannah that she looks better than ever and noticed that she'd gotten breast implants. He told her she didn't really need them but Savannah said that they were getting ''lop sided'' so she really did need them. Howard found out that Savannah didn't even know the name of Jackie's record company and that Lonnie from Scores had just asked her to show up to do this. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her and found out that she's going to have a web site up and running sometime later this month. She said she'll be doing live video feeds and stuff like that on the site. It may not be up and running yet but here's the site.. SavannahMakeMe.com
- Ralph Not Doing His Job. 11/2/99. 9:50am
Howard brought up his buddy Ralph late in the show this morning. He said that he's out in California this week because he went to the Playboy Halloween party. Howard explained how Ralph hooked up with some guy who works for Playboy and he now gets into parties that not many people can get in to. That led to Howard saying that Ralph really hasn't been doing his job lately because he's never around. He needed Ralph to help pack up some stuff and he just wasn't there. Gary came in and said Ralph has also been putting off remodeling the green room and stuff like that. Howard said he may have to get a real set designer to replace Ralph because he just takes too long. Eventually Howard moved on to do the news but this may not be the last we hear of this.
-- Wednesday November 3, 1999 --
- Howard's Masturbation Not Affected By Separation. 11/3/99. 6:05am
First thing this morning Howard said someone asked him if his masturbation habits have changed since his separation. Howard announced that nothing comes between him and his masturbation. He said even though he's living alone in his apartment he still hides when he masturbates. He said he's afraid a camera is on him.
- Howard Gets A Letter From Kathie Lee Gifford! 11/3/99. 6:35am
Howard has received a few letters and phone calls about his separation from various celebrities. Today he wanted to play a game with Robin. He wanted her to guess who the latest letter was from. She didn't really want to play but one of her guesses was President Clinton. Howard told her it was even bigger than that. Eventually Robin guessed that it was Kathie Lee Gifford! Howard said he got a very heartfelt letter from Kathie Lee and was very surprised. He said it mentioned ''the Lord'' quite a bit and it was very nice.. but that's not going to change the way he feels about her. Unfortunately he didn't bring it in this morning. He told Robin that he'd bring it in tomorrow and read it to her though. He said he thought about bringing it in this morning but he knows he'll goof on it as he's reading it and he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. It didn't take him long to change his mind. Both Howard and Robin know that the letter was basically a way for Kathie Lee to tell Howard to knock off all of the crap he says about her. It doesn't look like it worked.
- Howard's Day Out With His Kids. 11/3/99. 7:00am
Howard told Robin about his day out with his three daughters yesterday. He first told her about going to see the movie ''Suburban'' with his oldest daughter Emily. He said the movie was pretty bad and he actually fell asleep for part of it. Robin, on the other hand, saw ''Being John Malkovich'' and said it was great. Howard went on to talk about how he brought all three of his kids to see MTV's TRL show live in the studio. The two older girls went in the studio to watch the show while Howard and his 6 year old, Ashley, hung out back stage. Mariah Carey was the guest on TRL and she wanted to talk to Howard but it didn't happen. Howard said he waited in a room back stage but Mariah never showed up. Eventually his other two kids were kicked out of the studio for some reason. Howard said that the kids on that show are hired through modeling agencies and the kids they don't hire are in a different section. His kids were stuck in that section. Emily and Debra said that they were in ''the loser section'' with the fat kids and friends of employees. They thought it was pretty funny. After being kicked out all the kids wanted to do was eat but Mariah Carey was going to walk by them soon. Howard hung out and eventually Mariah walked by. The kids didn't really care, they still just wanted to get out of there and eat. Howard said it looked like Mariah's belly was hanging over her belt as she walked by. The kids didn't see that though.
- Paul Fishbine Of The Adult Video News Calls In. 11/3/99. 7:55am
The head of the Adult Video News called in to talk to Howard about the lifetime achievement award they want to present to Howard. In January the Adult Video News, AVN, will hold an award show for adult movies. They want to give Howard the lifetime achievement award but Howard's not so sure he's thrilled to get the award. He doesn't think he wants to fly all the way out to Las Vegas to accept his award after someone gets a ''Best Anal'' award or something like that. He thinks the awards are kind of goofy. So anyway, after Howard heard about this he told Gary that they should send someone like Gary the Retard out to accept for him. Paul told Gary that they didn't want anyone ''weird'' to be accepting the award. Howard thought that was pretty funny. They don't want someone weird but they're giving away awards like ''Best Anal.'' Howard said his life is really bizarre. Howard is still on the fence about whether or not he wants to go to the awards. He's thinking of sending Hank the Dwarf, Gary the Retard, Beetlejuice and maybe Big Foot Matt. The awards are taking place on January 8 and there are still tickets available from AVN at their web site AVN.com. They also have travel packages available through an 800 number: 800-666-0696.
- Bryant Gumble's Boss(?), Steve Crumble. 11/3/99. 8:05am
Howard did an introduction for this guy Steve Crumble who was supposed to be Bryant Gumble's boss. It turned out to be Steve the Engineer who also plays Wood Yi. Howard would ask questions and they'd play tape of Steve saying goofy lines about working with Bryant. It's one of those things that's hard to explain in words, you really had to hear it live to get the full effect. Just hearing Steve's voice makes it funnier than it actually is.
- Dr. Arnold Nerenberg Calls In. 11/3/99. 8:40am
Howard did a very quick interview with this Psychologist who uses coffins to discipline children who don't respect their parents. Howard thought that they put all the kids in a coffin to teach them a lesson. The doctor explained that they don't put them all in coffins, just some. He takes kids who disrespect their parents and make them think about what it would be like if their parents died. Then they have the kid talk to the coffin as if the parent was dead and they somehow learn to respect them. Howard kept the interview fairly short and, of course, said he didn't learn a thing from the guy. If you want to find out more you can visit Dr. Nerenberg's web site at ParentalRespect.com.
- No Homeless Game Today. 11/3/99. 8:55am
All morning Howard kept saying that they'd get around to playing a homeless game but it never happened. He was about to start playing when Tom Chiusano's name came up. Tom ended up coming in and they spent quite a while talking about his cancer and how hard it is to get money out of him. Gary and Stuttering John both told Howard how hard it is to get a raise out of Tom. During the segment Gary gave Howard some news from London about how posters with Howard's quotes on them have been causing some controversy. The article said that the Bravo channel, which airs old E! shows, had some posters up quoting things like Howard saying ''It's okay for a man to cheat if his wife is ugly.'' Some standards council over there got 222 complaints about the posters so they ordered Bravo to remove them. The people at Bravo said that they pulled the quotes directly from the show and they represented what the show was about. They basically blamed Howard for the controversy.
-- Thursday November 4, 1999 --
- Howard Reads The Letter He Received From Kathie Lee Gifford. 11/4/99. 6:40am
First thing this morning Howard was wondering whether or not he'd read the letter he received from Kathie Lee Gifford recently. Yesterday he made the announcement about getting the letter and it made the news. Howard thinks that everyone is making too big of a deal out of this and thought about not reading it.. That didn't last too long. AFter Melrose Larry called in with a report on the TV show Extra, Howard went right to the letter. He said that if the letter was about him, he probably wouldn't read it but the letter is all about Kathie Lee. Robin said that it's not even like a human writing to another human. Here's what the letter said:
I was very sorry to hear the news that you and your wife have separated. It's hard to know what to say except to share what has worked in my own life time and time again. God loves you and he cares about you and each member of your family. He's there when you need him and if you're like me you need him all the time. Take care and I hope everything works out for the best.
Howard said it was like a Davey and Goliath TV show after he read it. He then did his Davey and Goliath impression reading parts of the letter as Goliath. Shortly after the call a listener complained about waiting to hear the letter and then finding out how short it was. Howard told us yesterday that it was a whole page of stuff but it turned out to be spaced apart and shorter than we expected. He said the stationary was nice but also noticed that Kathie Lee crossed out ''Gifford'' for some reason. He couldn't figure that out.
- Howard Plays Captain Janks Phony Phone Call. 11/4/99. 7:15am
Captain Janks struck again after a shooting out in Seattle, Washington. Howard played the tape of Janks' call this morning. Janks called CNN and got through as a witness who saw the shooter running out of the building. He called himself KC Armstrong and the anchor started to ask Janks what happened. Janks said that he saw the guy in a camouflage uniform running out of the building. He said he thought it was Howard Stern and that he shot everyone because he was distraught over the separation from his wife. The CNN anchor then thought that ''KC'' meant that the shooter was acting like Howard. Janks started to give more of an explanation but they cut him off and moved on.
- Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 11/4/99. 7:40am
KKK member Daniel Carver called in with a few movie reviews this morning. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Daniel about the recent KKK rally that was held in New York. Daniel said he didn't go because he wasn't sure if it was going to happen or not. He went on to tell Howard that the KKK aren't violent, they just like to get together with other white people ''without rubbing elbows with nig*ers.'' Howard eventually moved on and had Daniel rate the 3 movies he saw. First up was ''Coming To America'' with Eddie Murphy. Daniel has always said that Eddie makes him laugh so it was no surprise that he gave this movie 3 Hanging Nooses, a good rating believe it or not. He said it's okay to laugh at black people but not to hang out with them. The next movie was Steven Speilberg's ''Amistadt.'' This one didn't get any Hanging Nooses. Daniel said it was too confusing. He said one second the blacks were portrayed as being stupid and the next second they were smart. The final movie was ''Losing Isaiah'' which is about a white family who raises a black child. Daniel gave this one Zero Hanging Nooses also. He said it's just a bad idea for a white family to raise a black child. He said ''if they want a pet then they should buy a pet'' as if the black child was an animal. He said ''it ain't right'' for the family or the child to be raised like that. As usual Daniel gave out his address for his 70 page catalog full of KKK stuff. He said his favorite for the holiday season is a T-shirt that says ''Dreaming of a White Christmas.'' Daniel also gave Howard some advice about his marriage. He told him he should go back to Alison and make it work. Daniel has been married for 32 years. He said it's not easy but he makes it work. Daniel also said that Alison finally realized that she couldn't trust a Jew.. Howard came back with ''Only half Jew!'' You can see all of Daniel's movie reviews on my Daniel Carver Movie Review Summary page.
- Mark Harris Comes In. 11/4/99. 7:50am
Effeminate Actor Mark Harris came by to talk with Howard a little bit this morning. Before Mark came in Howard played some voice mails that Mark has been leaving with Vinnie Favale. Vinnie is a one of the guys in charge of Howard's Saturday night show. Howard gave Mark Vinnie's number as a goof a while back and Mark hasn't given up talking to him. Mark is constantly pitching ideas to Vinnie and Howard loved listening to them. Mark is in the city today to meet with a book company about putting out a book idea he's thrown together. It seems like the book is full of e-mails he's received from fans and non-fans. He prints the e-mails and his witty answers. Howard spoke to Mark for a while about all of his wacky ideas. None of them sound any good. One of the things that he recently shot on video was him sitting in front of celebrity grave sites talking to the dead celebrities about their careers. Howard played a short clip of Mark talking to Tyrone Power's grave and it was unbearable. Howard played a couple more voice mails and let mark give out his home phone number: 310-476-7698. Mark said he's going to use the calls for a future CD that he'll put out. He said he'd talk to anyone and tape the call for use on that CD. One of Mark's e-mail buddies, Nugget, called in at one point and said that Mark tried to pick up his 15 year old brother but Mark denied it of course.
- The Homeless Game. 11/4/99. 8:45am
Howard had a trip to the Hard Rock Cafe down in Florida so he played a Homeless Game with a listener he had on the phone. For those of you who don't know, Howard has someone go out and interview a homeless person with a bunch of goofy questions. They play the question and have the caller guess whether or not the homeless person will answer the question correctly or not. If the caller gets 3 out of 5 correct he wins the prize. They gave the guy a preview of what the homeless woman was like before he played. She's a 65 year old woman who used to be a social worker. She graduated college in Virginia. She's now homeless and possibly drunk. Here were Mike the caller's guesses:
|Question||Caller Says||Homeless Answer||Correct?|
|What animals race in the Kentucky Derby?||Y||Horse||Y|
|How many testicles does a normal man have?||Y||Two or three
|How did Princess Diana die?||N||Loving everybody||N|
After Mike won, after only 3 questions, Howard and the gang bet on the rest of the questions. The woman was surprisingly stupid for a college grad. Here are the rest of the questions:
|If you have 4 voices in your head and 2 leave, how many do you have left?||Just 2||Y|
|What are the last 4 letters in the alphabet?||X Y Z.. I lost one||N|
|Where does solar energy come from?||How 'bout the winds||N|
|If you get $200 in food stamps and spend $190 on liquor how much to you have left?||$10 ||Y|
|How do you spell the word ''Penis''?||PEGIDICT||N|
|What food group is corn in?||Proteins and vitamins||N|
|What month are taxes due?||January||N|
|How many holes are in the game of golf?||I don't know||N|
|What do you call a tooth doctor?||Dentist||Y|
|How many weeks are in a year?||Fifty two||Y|
|Who is Tom Cruise married to?||Betty Davis||N|
|How many clitorises does a woman have?||As a woman, I don't know right now||N|
There weren't that many questions this time so there wasn't a lot of money exchanged between everyone. I think Howard collected $40 from Fred and a few bucks from Jackie.
- Captain Janks Calls In. 11/4/99. 9:40am
Earlier in the morning Howard played one of the latest Captain Janks phony phone calls. Janks, who usually calls in with the tape himself, wasn't on when Howard played it. He called in at 9:40am saying that he'd just woken up about 10 minutes before after a night of celebrating his latest calls. Janks hadn't heard the call so Howard played it for him. Janks then said that there was actually more to the call. He said he was on for about a minute more but the tape Howard had was from the CNN feed. Janks was actually on with a Seattle station and CNN was picking up the coverage. Janks said that he was probably on for another full minute. He also said that wasn't the only call he made. He said he made about 4 calls but he's waiting to get tape from people on the west coast. Howard also brought up the fact that the TV show ''Extra'' is looking to interview Janks about his calls. Janks said he wasn't sure if he wanted to do the interview. Howard told him he should do it and he should demand that they disguise his voice... as a goof of course. Robin suggested that Janks wear a leather mask also. Howard said they could play that interview on the air after it airs. Janks has been doing this since 1989. Later in the show while Robin was doing the news she had a clip of someone who was supposed to be an eyewitness to the shootings in Seattle. Howard played the tape and it was Janks! Howard thought Robin was goofing but it was actually pulled off the news wire. They still think that Janks was an eyewitness! Howard had to replay it because it was so funny.
- Blind Lisa Calls In. 11/4/99. 10:10am
Blind Lisa the Playboy model called in this morning to try and get someone to pay for her room and board. She said that she's about to be kicked out of her home and she's willing to sleep with someone to get room and board. Benjy was first to step up to the challenge. He's willing to buy her a bus ticket and take her in at his home.. if she's willing to sleep with him. Lisa was kind of rambling and didn't give a straight answer. For some reason she cursed and Howard had to hit the delay and hang up on her. After that Benjy spoke to Howard about it and asked if it was okay for him to take her in. Howard told him whatever he does in his own time is up to him. Benjy is hesitant to do it because he's afraid she'll come after him in the future if he sleeps with her. Stuttering John also came in and said that Benjy is upset about former intern Maryann who doesn't like him enough to date him. Benjy got upset when he took her to a party and she ended up making out with a DJ at the station he works at. Benjy thinks that if he loses weight he'd have a chance with her even though she's told him that won't happen. Benjy's now afraid that if he does lose the weight he won't have any hair left and the effort won't be worth it. Howard eventually got sick of the conversation and kicked Benjy out.
-- Friday November 5, 1999 --
- Various Time Killers. 11/5/99. 6:05am
Howard talked about a whole bunch of stuff first thing this morning. Howard was telling Robin that he can't handle this separation with his wife because now he's spending all his time scheduling time for his kids. He was thinking of bringing them to see Robin's 13 cats over the weekend and telling them that they're going to see a wacky cat lady. Howard also brought up the new FOX TV show ''Greed'' that he watched last night. He thinks it's better than Regis Philbin's ''Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'' He also said it's a rip off of that show but it's better. He explained it to Robin and said it's a winner. Melrose Larry Green called in at one point with tape of George W. Bush tape where he wasn't able to name a few leaders from around the world. Howard thought that was pretty interesting. Howard also spoke a little bit about the Kathie Lee letter he read on the air yesterday. He said he was thinking of auctioning off the letter but Robin quickly talked him out of that. A couple of people called in and offered anywhere from $50 to $500 but Howard said the minimum bid would be $10,000. He's probably going to take the letter, frame it and put it on his desk at home so people can read it and laugh at it. We also learned about what ''Legal Separation'' really means when Dominic Barbara called in to straighten out Howard. Howard was telling Robin that it means he's not divorced but he's not married. Dominic told Robin that it means that they're actually still married but they don't have any marital obligations to each other. If they get back together eventually then the legal separation would be dissolved.
- The Gossip Game With Sunshine The Wacko And Paul Rodriguez. 11/5/99. 7:05am
This young woman, Sunshine, showed up at he studio this morning wanting to get on. Gary told Howard that she was really wacky saying that she's dating Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. Howard told Gary that he had to meet her. Sunshine came in and told her delusional stories about how she's been dating Brad Pitt behind Jennifer Aniston's back. She also said that she's going out with Ben Affleck and she's known both of them since she was about 7 years old. She was very happy and laughed thorough out the interview. She told Howard that she's homeless and actually slept in the bus station last night. She's originally from Massachusetts but didn't want to talk about her family. She had stories about Ricky Martin and Chris Rock but she was so wacky that the stories never really came out. She also claimed that Tom Cruise is her manager. Comedian Paul Rodriguez was waiting in the green room and when he heard how wacky this chick was he had to meet her. He came in and spent quite a while talking to her with Howard. He told her right to her face that she was mentally ill and needs some help. The whole reason she came in was to tell Howard about some conspiracy against him that was printed in The Globe. Howard didn't let her elaborate on that though. Howard finally got around to getting Mike Walker on the phone to play the Gossip Game.
Mike spent a couple of minutes plugging his book Malicious Intent : A Hollywood Fable but eventually got around to the game. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Paul picked number 3 as the false story. Everyone else picked number 4 as the false story. The actual false story was the Brad Pitt story which Mike thought Sunshine would have chosen since she argued about it during the game.
- Kathie Lee Gifford demands that her husband Frank have his ear hair waxed off.
- Some of Brad Pitt's bloody fight scenes in ''Fight Club'' were computer generated.
- Drew Carey's girlfriend Nicole backed his Aston Martin into a pole. He got upset and didn't want her driving any of his cars. The next week she was seen driving his Jaguar.
- Gloria Estefan chopped off all her hair and explained that she thinks hair is a source of energy and she needed a good cleansing.
After the game Howard spent a couple more minutes with Sunshine but soon kicked her out so he could talk to Paul.
Paul told a long drawn out story about how Ricky Martin dissed him at a charity event. Ricky was supposed to interact with Paul at the event on stage but he was in a bad mood that day. Paul was supposed to ask him a question and Ricky was supposed to come back with a line. Instead Ricky told Paul to shut up and let him talk. Howard and Paul also spoke about how weird it is to do David Letterman's show and Jay Leno's show. Before Paul left he told Howard that he should try and work things out with his wife. Paul is appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club tonight and tomorrow night.
- Big Foot Matt Calls In. 11/5/99. 8:30am
Recently Howard mentioned that this guy Big Foot Matt had gone Hollywood. He wanted to book him to do the Yankee game thing where Gary and some wack packers sat behind home plate at a game but Matt had other things to do so he blew them off. Matt called in this morning to tell Howard that he hasn't ''gone Hollywood'' like Howard's been saying. He said it was just a misunderstanding and he hasn't ''gone Hollywood.'' Gary disagreed with that but he told Matt that he has the right to not do something he doesn't want to. Matt said that his management was in contact with Gary and they may have told him something other than what Gary told them. Howard pointed out that when you have management and you move out to Los Angeles, then you have ''gone Hollywood.'' Howard eventually told Matt it was nice talking to him and got off the phone.
- Don King Comes In. 11/5/99. 8:55am
Fast talking fight promotor Don King came in to promote the Lennox Lewis vs. Evander Holyfield fight which takes place Saturday, November 13. Don was his usual non-stop promotion machine. He must have plugged this fight 10 times during the interview. No matter what Howard was talking to him about he'd turn it right around to be a plug for the fight. Howard would talk to him about how the government is after him all the time and the next thing you know, he did a seamless move in to a plug. The last time Don was on the show he promised to give Howard an exclusive story if he helped sell out his fight. Today he told his exclusive story. He said that he's looking to buy a chain of radio stations called Clear Channel for $4 Billion! He said he doesn't have four billion dollars but he could raise it no problem. That also turned into a plug for the fight. Don also spoke about the last Lewis/Holyfield fight which was very controversial because it was called a draw even though pretty much everyone agreed that Lewis won. Robin said she lost $2000 on that fight and Don told her that she can win it back on this fight if she bets on Holyfield. He's confident that he will win. Don also spoke about how he and Mike Tyson are suing each other but said he wishes Mike well... and plugged the fight. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Don before he left. A few of them called Don names and said he steals money from his fighters but he just let it roll off of him and said ''God bless America!'' One caller said he saw Don naked in a hot tub out in Las Vegas. He said Don is a big man. Howard asked the guy if Don's hair down there stands up like the hair on his head. The caller just laughed. The Lewis/Holyfield fight, called ''Searching for the Truth, Unfinished Business'', is available on Pay-Per-View next week.