Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 1/4/99 to 1/8/99

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-- Monday January 4, 1999 --
• The Best Of Stern. 1/4/99.
  Howard returns live on Wednesday of this week so we have to deal with ''Best Of'' for 2 days. Here's what was featured today:
  • Roman Polansky Day Care Center Dating Service commercial parody.
  • Frank Gifford, Marv Albert, Rush Limbaugh, Tom Chiusano Celebrity Dolls commercial parody.
  • Crackhead Bob History moment.
  • Monica Lewinsky shampoo commercial parody.
  • Jackie sounds musical moment.
  • Howard discusses Gary's answering machine message where he mentions his son Jackson.
  • Woman calls in to tell Howard about something she saw and ends up telling Howard about her life.
  • Jan Michael Vincent interview.
  • Casey Kasem freaking out tapes.
  • Captain Janks and A.J. Benza fight on the phone.
  • ''Guess Who's The Jew'' with a antisemitic listener.
  • Discussion about black movie theaters.

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  -- Tuesday January 5, 1999 --

• The Best Of Stern. 1/5/99.
  Today should be the last of the ''Best Of'' stuff for a while. Howard will be back live tomorrow and I'll be back to my normal daily highlights. Here's what was played today:
  • ''The British Nanny'' commercial parody.
  • ''The Tattle Rehabilitation Center'' commercial parody.
  • ''Elephantura, Detective'' commercial parody.
  • ''Mocking Bird'' song performed by Elephant Boy and Crackhead Bob.
  • Howard talks to Stuttering John about his meeting with Brandon Tartikoff.
  • Howard tries to figure out why E! censored the word ''nig*er'' and not ''chink'' or ''gook'' from his show.
  • Ralph tells of his near molestation by a Priest.
  • Howard interviews Chuck Norris and his girlfriend Monica.
  • David Letterman calls in on Howard's 41st birthday show.
  • Howard discusses how wacky David Letterman really is.
  • Scott DePace talks about his experience kissing a transvestite.

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  -- Wednesday January 6, 1999 --

• Howard Returns From Vacation. 1/6/99. 6:05am
  Howard is back after a 2 week, 2 day vacation. He told Robin how he went to the K-Rock Christmas party and hung out for a little while over vacation. He usually doesn't go to the thing but this year he gave it a try. He said he was ready to leave the party after only 30 minutes of being there. He also went to Larry Ratso Sloman's Christmas party and hung out with Ellen Barkin and Sandra Taylor (aka Sandy Korn) who he's known for about 10 years. Howard also told the story of how he went out to see Ratso's $70,000 summer home on the shore of Long Island. He said it's literally on the water and there's not much to it. Ratso called in to talk about it. Ratso told Howard that when high tide rolls in the road leading to his house actually gets covered by the water. Howard wanted to find out if the recent heavy rains had damaged Ratso's house. Ratso said he hadn't checked it out yet so he wasn't sure. Howard also said he got to see the bathroom in the house. Ratso talked about this the last time he was on the show so Howard got to see it for himself. The house uses a septic system for it's waste and it's very close to the water so they can't use regular toilet paper so they have a special garbage can for putting the used toilet paper it. Howard got to see it first hand and said he opened it and it stunk. He just had to pee when he was in there but ended up checking out the basket anyway. Ratso said he has special marine toilet paper that you can use in his toilet so it's not necessary to use the basket anymore. What a way to start the morning..

• Christian Slater's Father Drops In. 1/6/99. 7:05am
  Christian Slater's father, Michael Degainsboro, was scheduled to come in later in the week but showed up first thing this morning. Howard decided to let him come in and say ''hi'' real quick but ended up spending about 20 minutes talking to the guy. According to Howard this guy sends a lot of letters to him. He used to be an actor but has now taken up directing even though he hates directors. He told Howard how he thinks he made Christian the man he is today because he was such a great father. Michael said that Christian now helps him out with money when he needs it and recently gave him $5000 so he could come see him on Broadway. That's what he did last night and he had the ticket stub to prove it. Michael said that he divorced Christian's mother when Christian was 10 years old. He also claims that she's a casting director and has black listed him so he can't get a decent job. Howard had James Woods waiting in the wings so he had to get rid of Michael.

• James Woods Comes In. 1/6/99. 7:35am
  Actor James Woods came in to promote his new movie ''Another Day In Paradise'' which opens Friday, January 22. The first thing he brought up was this past week's Saturday night show which was a rerun of the Cindy Margolis and her friend Elisa stripping show. He told Howard that it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. That got Howard on the subject of James' penis size. The rumors are that it's huge. James pretended that he was going to pull it out and show it but he didn't. He did admit that it is big though. Howard spent some time talking to him about it and asked him what women's reactions are when they see it. Woods didn't get into that too much but did say that he's not embarrassed when he's in a locker room. Woods was a little pissed at Robin for some comments she's made about him in the past. He didn't say exactly what they were but each time Robin would ask him a question he'd go nuts and would jokingly tell her to get off his back. He was really wound up this morning. Howard's favorite stripper Amy Lynn once told him that she'd slept with Woods so that subject popped up. Howard asked him how good she was in bed. Howard figures that hot looking women just lay there and let the man do all of the work. Woods said that Amy was, on a scale of 1 to 10, an 11½. Howard and James also spent some time talking about ''Another Day In Paradise.'' James worked with Melanie Griffith, Lou Diamond Phillips and Natasha Wagner. Howard saw a video tape of the film and said Natasha is really cute and shows her cute little breasts in it. Lou Diamond Phillips plays a gay guy in the movie. Howard thought that James had been bashing President Clinton lately so he asked him about that. Woods just said that he thinks Clinton shouldn't have been having sex in the White House, he should have gone to a Motel 6 or something to do what he was doing. He also said that Monica Lewinsky's ass was huge and he can't understand why Clinton would be attracted to that. Howard took a bunch of phone calls before James left and just about every one of them was an ass kissing for James. After the interview Howard took a break and after that James was on the car phone because Howard had another question to ask. He wanted to know if he was friends with O.J. Simpson. James said that he wasn't and got off the phone pretty quick.

• Sal The Stockbroker Defends His Letterman Story. 1/6/99. 9:00am
  The day before Howard went on vacation Sal the Stockbroker called in and told Howard how he was kicked out of ''Late Show with David Letterman'' because he made some Howard Stern comments. Letterman had made a snide remark about Howard not getting ratings with his TV show. Howard went nuts and yelled about Letterman for about 15 minutes. Over the vacation the CBS people tried to downplay what had happened by saying that Sal's story was false and Letterman never said any of that stuff. Today Howard brought up the whole thing and said he'd apologize if Sal was lying. Eventually Sal called in and defended his story. He claims that it is 100% true and he's willing to take a lie detector test to prove it. He even challenged Letterman to a lie detector test. A little earlier in the morning Melrose Larry Green called in and said he knew for a fact that Sal was lying about the story. Melrose said that a friend of Letterman's talked to him and said it's just not true. Later in the morning Vinnie Favale, who works for both Letterman and Howard's Saturday night show, came in to defend Letterman again. He wasn't there at the show but said that a lot of people told him that what Sal said was not true at all. Vinnie said that no one was thrown out of the show that day. A woman called in and said that she was there and saw someone thrown out but wasn't sure who it was. She also wasn't sure if Letterman said anything. She said that she had her 13 year old son with her and Vinnie called her a liar because they don't allow 13 year olds in the audience. If Sal's telling the truth there has to be someone out there who saw the whole thing. You'd think they'd call in.

• KC's 'Hitler True-False' Game. 1/6/99. 9:05am
  KC had another one of his games to play this morning. This time it was True or False questions about Adolf Hitler. He plugged the book, Hitler & Geli, that he got the information out of. He asked Howard and Robin the questions pretty quick. Here are some of them:
  • Hitler comes from an incestuous family? - True
  • Hitler was famous for wearing his dirty underwear on his head? - False
  • Hitler got a flute for his 10th birthday and threw it at his mother? - False
  • Hitler liked to kick and curse at women during sex? - True
  • Hitler's true love was his 19 year old niece? - True
  • Hitler only had one testicle? - True
  • Hitler had a cat named Mittens? - False
  • Hitler's favorite food was pizza and wings? - False
  • Women would eat gravel off the road that Hitler walked on? - True
  • When Hitler was younger he liked to shoot rats? - True
  KC's True-False games seem to be the only ones that work. Maybe he should stick to the format from now on.

• Meet The Interns. 1/6/99. 9:35am
  A new batch of interns started working at the show this week. Gary brought them in so Howard could meet them. There are 6 new interns. 3 women, 3 guys. One of the female interns must be really good looking because Howard asked her if she was a model and Gary said she would probably win a Intern Beauty Pageant. Howard spoke to each one quickly and found out where they went to school. Here are the names you might be hearing about for the next few months:
  • Nellie
  • Janie
  • Regan
  • Donny
  • Mark
  • Brian
  Janie was the hot model-type that Howard was talking about. Nellie used to work on Garry Shandling's show. Regan is a lacrosse player who goes to school at Rutgers. Howard said they'll be calling Donny ''Don'' because Donny is too goofy. Mark goes to some college in Union, New Jersey called Kean. When Howard heard that he said that there are too many colleges in this country. Brian is a friend of KC's who wants to be a teacher. So there you have it, the new set of interns. I think the next Intern Beauty Pageant is set for sometime in April.

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  -- Thursday January 7, 1999 --

• Howard Heading To New Orleans January 28. 1/7/99. 6:15am
  Howard made a quick mention about the show heading down to New Orleans for the NATPE convention on January 28. Howard will be the key note speaker and they'll do the show from the convention floor. The NATPE convention is where television execs sell their shows. I guess Howard will be there selling his syndicated Saturday night show.

• President Clinton's Black Son. 1/7/99. 6:30am
  Okay, so not every bit Howard does is funny. This was a perfect example. The premise was that this guy would come in and be the 13 year old black kid who's claiming to be President Clinton's son. The guy did what he was supposed to do but there weren't many laughs during the segment. Howard would ask the guy questions about being Clinton's son and he'd give Howard serious answers. It was an obvious goof because the guy said that today was the first day he figured out that he thought he was Clinton's son. That was the funniest line in the bit.

• Gary Garver Interviews George Hamilton. 1/7/99. 7:00am
  Los Angeles correspondent Gary Garver went out and did a quick interview with George Hamilton. Howard played the tape this morning. Gary first asked George ''Who do you think your talk show wasn't successful?'' George said he thought the show was successful and doesn't understand why it was taken off the air. He rambled on for a minute or so before Gary asked the next question. Gary asked George if he was tan all over his body. George said he has no tan lines on his body so Gary asked him ''Even your balls?'' Needless to say, that was the end of the interview. Some guy with an English accent, who was probably George's publicist, then told Gary that he should tell people what show he's with and not just say ''CBS Radio.'' The funniest part was that instead of saying ''In the future..'' he just said ''In future..'' Robin picked up on that and Howard goofed on it for a little while.

• The Singing Psychic Calls In. 1/7/99. 7:35am
  Fran Baskerville, the Singing Psychic, called in to give some New Years predictions. Howard wanted to talk to her because back on November 5 she predicted that President Clinton would be impeached. That was one prediction she finally got right! Fran sings her predictions while she plays her guitar. She usually finishes up her songs with ''Yeah, Yeah, Yeah'' or ''Oh yeah.'' You have to imagine this for all of the predictions. Today she had a lot of predictions so here's a quick wrap up:
  • President Clinton will be convicted
  • Dr. Kervorkian will be found guilty of murder and go to jail
  • The Super Bowl will be the Vikings VS the Jets and the Vikings will win
  • Howard will do another movie and star with Robin
  • Liza Minelli will adopt a baby and it will become a star
  • Charton Heston has 8 months to live
  • President Clinton does have a 13 year old illegitimate son
  • Hillary will divorce President Clinton
  • Fred Norris will get a divorce this year
  • Bob Hope, Milton Berle and Sid Caesar will all die this year
  • Liz Taylor will get married again and die this year
  • 3 Rock stars will die in a plane crash (possibly Hootie and the Blowfish)
  Wow! What a set of predictions! Howard also asked her some goofy questions like ''Who would win in big nose contest between Pete Townshend, Pinnochio, a pelican and Howard?'' Fran predicted Howard would win. Howard asked ''Who stinks up a bathroom more, Al Roker or Baba Booey?'' Fran said ''Baba Booey.'' All of this stuff was crammed into about 5 minutes. Fran's a busy woman!

• The Board Op With Balls. 1/7/99. 8:40am
  Before Howard's Christmas vacation they had an idea to get some quick bumpers made up by the board operator from each affiliate station that Howard's on. When they got the tapes they didn't think they were that good so they didn't play them. One board op from Bloomington, IL is pissed and he let Howard know it this morning. Jay Brown from WIHN FM 96.7 was bad mouthing Howard right on the phone. He feels like he was dicked around by Howard because his hard work was done for nothing. Howard tried to explain to the guy that there just weren't enough funny tapes to make it worth playing any of them. Jay continued to tell Howard that there's a lot of stuff that's not funny on the show that he has to sit through while being the board op. He called himself a ''B O R E D - op'' so Howard wondered why the guy still works at the station if he's bored. A bunch of the other board op's from around the country were calling in telling Howard they were happy just to have had Howard listen to their 30 second tapes. Eventually Gary found this guy's tape so Howard played it to show off Jay's scary talent. Jay said he spent about 45 minutes producing the tape which was about 30 seconds long. It was just average. It wasn't funny or creative and he used his ''B O R E D - op'' line in the tape. Jay didn't seem too worried about losing his job because of this whole fiasco. He's in his mid 30's but has his music career to fall back on.. in Bloomington, Illinois.

• Private Parts On DVD. 1/7/99. 9:25am
  Robin told Howard that Private Parts the movie is out on DVD now. Howard said that he wanted to put together something with Paramount so they could put behind the scenes stuff on the DVD but they didn't consult him before putting it out. Gary told Howard that he had to go out and buy his own copy of the DVD. He was in the movie and didn't even get a free copy! He said that the people at the store were laughing at him because of that.

• Lynn's First Lesbian Experience. 1/7/99.
  This 26 year old woman Lynn called in to tell Howard about her first lesbian experience. Howard pulled every little detail out during the conversation. Lynn said that she's 5'6'' tall, 118 pounds with a C-cup breast. She said that she looks kind of like Jenna Elfman or Jennie Garth. She said that she and her best friend had talked about kissing each other in the past but hadn't done anything. On New Years Eve Lynn, her husband, her best friend and her fiance were hanging out drinking. Her husband had passed out on the couch so it was the three others in the kitchen. Lynn and her friend went to drink from the same champagne bottle and it led to a kiss. After that one thing led to another and Lynn took her top off. Then her friend and her fiance started to feel her up. Lynn said that the two of them did a little bit of oral on each other but it didn't last long. She also said that she had an orgasm pretty quick. When Howard heard that he said that she must be gay. Lynn tried to argue that but Howard stuck to his opinion. I guess you had to hear it to get the full effect.

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  -- Friday January 8, 1999 --

• Howard Pissed At Rupert Murdoch Once Again. 1/8/99. 6:15am
  Howard is pissed off at the owner of The New York Post newspaper Rupert Murdoch for the second time in 6 months. This morning there is a horrible picture of Howard in the NY Post that has a heading of ''Why so glum..'' or something like that. Howard went on to explain how this photographer has been hounding him for quite a while now and it's pissing him off. Howard said it's okay for these guys to take some pictures and then leave but when they take tons of pictures as you're going into a building then wait for you to come out it's getting ridiculous. That's what happened yesterday. Howard said the photographer, Lawrence Schwartzwald, took pictures as he entered a building then waited for him to come out. When he came out he took even more pictures. That was the reason Howard looked so ''glum'' in the picture. Howard said that since Rupert Murdoch owns the paper that puts these awful pictures out he's going to hire his own photographer. That photographer will take pictures of Murdoch as he comes out of his home every day. Howard took some phone calls after his rant and quite a few people think that Howard should stop whining about having his picture taken. Some people agreed with him though. Howard said that he's willing to set up a photo shoot whenever the paper wants but they'd rather have some guy hounding him all over the place.

• Drumming Away Stress With Rob Freidman. 1/8/99. 7:45am
  Howard had this guy on who uses drums as therapeutic tools. He has his patients drum away stress. Howard got annoyed with the whole thing very quickly. Mr. Friedman told Howard about his method and even had Howard and the gang drumming. Rob had Howard pick up the drum and pretend that he was drumming away at Rupert Murdoch. Howard told the guy that he was thinking more of KC for booking him on the show. Howard ended the segment within 5 or 10 minutes because it just wasn't going anywhere. You can find out more info about Rob's method and his book ''Drumming Away Stress'' at www.stress-solutions.com

• The Mike Walker Gossip Game With Al Franken. 1/8/99. 8:30am
  Actor/comedian Al Franken came in to promote a bunch of stuff this morning. Howard also had him play the Gossip Game while he was there. Al used to be a writer on Saturday Night Live years ago. He and his partner used to make some appearances on SNL also. Al played the part of Stuart Smally and made a movie, ''Stuart Saves His Family'', featuring that character. The movie didn't do too well so Howard spent some time talking to Al about that bomb. Al claims that people come up to him and say they loved that movie and say he should make a sequel. Howard told Al that he tried to walk out of the screening of the movie but he wasn't allowed out of the theater. After the movie bombed Al wrote the book ''Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot : And Other Observations'' and redeemed his career. Al said he sold about 450,000 copies of the book in hardcover and about the same number in paperback. Al said that about a month before that book came out he had one sent to Rush Limbaugh with a note saying ''Al thinks that it would boost sales if you mentioned this on your show'' but he never heard back from Rush. Al is now on the new NBC show ''Lateline'' which airs on Wednesday nights at 9:00pm. He's also written a new book which comes out next week called ''Why Not Me : The Inside Story of the Making and the Unmaking of the Franken Presidency.'' Al is a supporter of President Clinton's so he and Howard spent a few minutes discussing that before playing the gossip game.

  Each week Howard and the gang play the Mike Walker Gossip Game. Mike calls in with 4 stories. 3 of them are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One story is false. Here are this week's 4 stories, try to pick out the false one.

  1. When Nicolas Cage was seen buying some porno materials he explained he needed it as research for an upcoming movie. It turns out his next film is about the porn business.
  2. Regis and Kathie Lee stuff is being sold on the internet and it's not bringing in much money. Kathie Lee's book gets a whopping $2.50 and an autographed picture of Regis get a whole $1.
  3. Barbara Streissand's husband James Brolin got her 8 empty boxes for the holiday season. Each box was from an expensive store but she's so hard to shop for they were empty.
  4. Danny DeVito's pet monkey was chased around a movie set by Julia Roberts' pet dog.
  Al, Howard and Robin all chose number 4 as the false story. Jackie picked number 3 and Fred picked number 2. The actual false story was number 1. Howard couldn't believe that Danny DeVito has a pet monkey.

  After the game Howard spent quite a while talking to Al about all kinds of stuff. It had to be one of the longest interviews ever done without a commercial break. Howard asked about the size of Al's penis. Al said he didn't have anything to compare it to so he doesn't know if it's big or not. They spent a little time talking about the time Al co-hosted the Regis and Kathie Lee show with Kathie Lee. He says he never pinched her ass even though it was reported in the National Enquirer that way. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Al also. Quite a few people said that Al was boring the hell out of them but there were a few who loved him. One woman called in to tell Howard how she saw Al working out last week and saw his package fall out of his short shorts. She said it was a pretty nice size. Another woman called in and said Al came on to her years ago when she was working at an airport. Al denied that story and said he's been married 23 years so he wouldn't have done something like that. He didn't deny the story of falling out of his short shorts though.