Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 1/11/99 to 1/15/99

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-- Monday January 11, 1999 --
• Talking Football. 1/11/99. 6:15am
  Howard spent a little while talking football with Gary and Stuttering John. Howard stayed home and watched the Jets game while Gary and Stuttering John went to the game. They were talking about how wacky the guy is who leads the ''J. E. T. S., Jets, Jets, Jets'' cheerleader guy is. Gary said he wanted to get the guy to come on the show a couple months back but the guy said he's not really a fan of Howard's. Gary said that may have been for the best because the guy has become so overexposed lately. The guys also talked about how they go to the tailgate parties at the stadium.

• Scott The Engineer Getting Fat Again. 1/11/99. 6:40am
  After talking about football Howard brought up how fat Stuttering John is getting. John said he weighs in at around 190 and he's only 5'7½'' tall. Gary is on a diet and he's lost some weight but didn't give out his exact amount. That led to them talking about how fat Scott the Engineer has gotten since his infamous push-up thing last year around this time. Scott stopped smoking so that might account for some of his weight but his diet doesn't help either. Scott told Howard that he ate some vegetables and rice but Howard figured out that he's putting fatty sauce on the veggies. Scott said that last year when he was ''in shape'' he weighed 220 pounds. Today he weighs in at 240 or so. Scott said he was thinking of putting out an exercise tape back when he was working out with Radu. Howard said that's a good thing because Scott has no idea of what kinds of food he should eat. Plastic Surgeon Dr. Sal Calabro called in and told Howard that he could do some liposuction on Scott to get rid of some of his fat. Dr. Calabro is the guy who has donated a couple of breast implant jobs to the show for contests. Dr. Calabro claims that once you get liposuction the fat cells don't regenerate so you don't have to worry about getting that fat back again. Howard said he'd like to get rid of some of his rolls of fat that just won't go away no matter how much he works out. Yeah, and he said he'd like to get a nose job too.

• Goo Goo Dolls To Give Howard Their Grammy? 1/11/99. 7:20am
  Howard mentioned this article about how the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls said that if they win a Grammy this year they'll give it to Howard Stern. Howard suggested that he and the rest of the gang should show up at the Grammy's to gay dance during the Goo Goo Dolls performance. That is, if they actually do perform on the show. Howard left it at that so we'll have to wait and see what develops. The article is over at MTV.com.

• Caller Plays How Many Jelly Beans In Rosie's Head. 1/11/99. 7:35am
  For the first time since July of last year someone asked to guess how many jelly beans are in the rotating Rosie O'Donnell head in the studio. A listener called in and guessed 2,750. Gary had to check his notes back in the office since it's been so long since they've done this. Gary came back out and said that the number was low. Maybe this will kick start the guessing again and they'll finally be able to get rid of that head. Click Here to see all of the guesses.

• Robin's Great Cat Chase. 1/11/99. 7:50am
  Robin told a quick story about how one of her cats got out over the weekend and disappeared over night. ''Punkin'' the cat was apparently stuck in a stairwell all night and was probably running up and down 45 flights of stairs. Robin went down the next morning and asked one of the apartment building guys to help her find the cat. They found Punkin and had to have one person below and one above the cat to capture it. Robin said the cat would usually come right to her but it was all freaked out so it wouldn't come to her. The most unbelievable part of the story was that the cat's name is ''Punkin.'' Robin said a former owner had given the cat the name.

• Porn Star Christi Lake Volunteers To Have Sex With A Listener. 1/11/99. 8:05am
  Another porn star will have sex with one lucky Stern show listener. Christi Lake volunteered to donate sex for a lucky listener who wins whatever game Howard decides to play. Howard said that anyone who wants to be in the contest should show up tomorrow morning at the studio (40 West 57th St, 14th floor) in New York City. They'll pick out a bunch of guys and they'll see what happens from there. They said that they'll let women participate in the contest also so hey, if you're a lesbian, head on down. They're planning on having Christi in the studio on Wednesday. Howard read off some names of the movies that Christi has starred in and she has quite a resume. Here are just a few examples:
  • Sleeping Booty
  • Anal Suspects
  • Nude Maccerana
  • Gang Bang Bitches 11
  • Dr. Fellatio 2
  • Cop Suckers
  • Adventures of the Fart Bitches
  • Deep Inside Felicia
  • Asses Galore 1
  • Butt Man's Bend Over Babes 4
  So there you have it. Just a few quality porn films that you can check out in your spare time. Howard checked out her web site and said she looks pretty hot.

• No Birthday Show This Year! 1/11/99. 8:15am
  Howard says that there will be no big birthday show this year. He claims that Robin and Gary agree that it's gotten too big and it's too hard to do anymore so they're not going to do it this year. Howard says they're going to use the money they save to use toward something else. Howard did say that he wants to have a birthday party at Scores strip club though. He wanted to do it today but Lonnie from Scores said that he couldn't get the women together quick enough so it'll have to wait. Howard's actual birthday is tomorrow and he'll be 45 years old! He's getting close to that big 50!

• New E! Show Opening Premieres Tonight. 1/11/99. 8:45am
  Howard mentioned that the new opening for the E! show will premiere on tonight's 11pm show. The opening was shot about 9 months ago and it's just now making it's debut. They apparently had a hard time getting clearance for the music and that's what held it up so damn long. Most people probably forgot that they shot it. Tune in to see the opening and for the show which is Sal the Stockbroker VS Gary.

• Dick Clark Calls In. 1/11/99. 8:50am
  Dick Clark called in to promote the American Music Awards which are airing tonight at 8pm on ABC. Dick's production company produces the show so he calls in each year and gets pummeled by Howard for a few minutes. Howard always tries to talk to Dick about sex and money but all Dick wants to do is plug his show. That's pretty much what happened this time. Dick didn't want to talk about sex and he said he doesn't like to talk about how much money he's worth. Howard said that Dick is worth about $200 million and has shown up on Forbes magazine's 400 richest people list. Dick said he was raised not to talk about that kind of stuff. Howard told Dick that someone told him that Dick is actually a 1000 year old guy who feeds on human infants to stay young. Dick has looked relatively young for his whole life and Howard said the guy who told him the 1000 year old story actually believes it! Howard was talking to Dick about some of the performers who will be on the show tonight and Garth Brooks name came up. Howard asked Dick if he thinks that Garth is actually good. Dick said of course he is and he loves his music. Howard then asked Dick to name 3 Garth Brooks songs. Dick couldn't do it. Howard said that no one can name 3 of his songs because he's so awful. I'm sure Howard will goof on the awards during tomorrow's show.

• KC True-False Game. 1/11/99. 9:30am
  Howard had a prize for a listener for a trip to anywhere in the U.S. To see an artist of their choice. Howard got a guy on the phone and had KC come in to play one of his games. Howard got listener Steve on the phone and told him that he had to get 3 out of 5 Bizarre True or False questions right. Steve was able to do it in 4 questions so here they are:
  1. A whale's penis is called a dork? - True
  2. In Haiti if a man catches his wife cheating on him he can kill her and get away with it? - True
  3. Over a lifetime a typical man will have 6 sexual partners and a woman will have 2? - True
  4. Hitler was rumored to have had one of his cronies dance around with chicken blood on him? - False
  After Steve won KC read off a few more but a couple of them had the delay button hit on them. Here are a few of the rest:
  • A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes? - True
  • If you fart in a tanning bed you risk burning your anus? - False
  • It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open? - True
  • In the English language no words rhyme with month, orange, purple or silver? - True
  • If you cut your hair under water it dries into a curly style no matter what type of hair you have? - False
  Always a fascinating game isn't it?

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  -- Tuesday January 12, 1999 --

• Happy Birthday Howard! 1/12/99. 6:05am
  Howard received a couple of gifts for his 45th birthday this morning. Robin gave him some kind of Victorian helmet of some kind. Howard described it as being engraved with pictures of horses and people. He said he really likes it and said they should decorate the studio with stuff like that. Howard was saying that he's regretting canceling the big birthday show this year. Then Jackie gave him his birthday gift. Jackie's wife Nancy got him a bunch of tapes called ''Life After Death'' which Howard took and immediately threw in the garbage. Jackie said he already told Nancy that he'd pull the gift out of the garbage after Howard tossed it. They knew the gift sucked I guess. Later in the show around 10:30 Vinnie and Mitch from the Saturday night show crew came in to give Howard another gift. They gave him a portable DVD player that has it's own TV screen on it. Gary told Howard the thing retails for about $1300 or so. They also gave him ''Private Parts'', ''Blade'' and a porno movie on DVD. Howard was thrilled with the gift. Howard said that anyone who gives him a gift worth over $1000 is considered a good friend of his.

• Howard Speaks To Jerry Seinfeld! 1/12/99. 6:25am
  Will Howard's feud with Jerry Seinfeld finally come to an end? Howard mentioned that he ran into Jerry on the streets of Manhattan yesterday. Jerry called out ''STERN!'' as Howard was getting into his limo. Howard ended up talking to Jerry quickly and told him to apologize to him and come back on the show. Jerry said that he doesn't have anything to promote at this time so it probably won't happen. Howard said he was kind of in a rush so he told Jerry he had to get going. Howard said it wasn't really uncomfortable or anything so maybe they'll kiss and make up some day. Jerry got pissed at Howard years ago when Howard made fun of him going out with an 18 year old girl when he was like 40.

• Larry Flynt Calls In. 1/12/99. 6:30am
  Hustler Magazine owner Larry Flynt called in to discuss some of the dirt he's been digging up on some politicians. He made an offer in Hustler Magazine for people to send in information about politicians who have cheated or done other unethical things in their lives. He was telling Howard about the dirt he's dug up on Bob Barr. He's doing all of this to point out what hypocrites these people are who are going after President Clinton. Larry said he has 8 investigations going on right now and he'll have some more dirt coming out in the near future. Howard is loving all of this because Larry is going to go after the same people who go after Howard for having a dirty show.

• Picking Contestants For The Christi Lake Sex Contest. 1/12/99. 7:10am
  Porno star Christi Lake has offered to have sex with one lucky Howard Stern fan. Howard invited everyone who wanted to participate to come down to the studio this morning so they could pick three lucky contestants to compete for the sex. More than 25 guys showed up and Howard went through them all to find 3 contestants and 3 alternates. There were tons of contestants but most of them were just horny guys with no good stories to tell. An hour and a half after starting the process they had the contestants picked out. The top three contestants will be:
  1. Stuttering black guy
  2. A grandfather-grandson team
  3. Black guy who wants to have freaky sex
  The stutterer didn't have much of a story but the stuttering got him in. The grandfather-grandson team is another story. The grandson was in an accident at one time and sounds a little slow. The grandfather is into the whole thing and may participate in the sex. The third contestant doesn't have a problem getting women, he just wants to have ''dirty, freaky'' sex. He said he wants a woman he can yell ''Shut Up'' at and still have sex. The three alternates are:
  1. A tattooed guy who can't get an erection
  2. Guy going to jail who had a confederate flag on his head
  3. Rodney Dangerfield impersonator
  They had to pick alternates because they have to get everyone tested for sexually transmitted diseases. If any of them back out or have some illness the alternates will be used. Christi was supposed to be on tomorrow but Gary said it'll be delayed a day.

• Comedian Jon Stewart Comes In. 1/12/99. 8:40am
  Comedian Jon Stewart came in to promote a couple of things this morning. Jon has taken over ''The Daily Show'' on Comedy Central as of last night. The original host, Craig Kilborn, left the show to do ''The Late, Late Show'' after David Letterman's show. Jon is also appearing opposite Gillian Anderson in a new movie called ''Playing By Heart'' which opens January 22. Howard pointed out that Jon is also in ''The Faculty'' movie which he loved. That movie is in theaters now. Howard was saying that he thought that Jon was a big star but when he talks to people about him nobody knows who he's talking about. Jon has been a stand-up comedian and had his own show on MTV for a while. Howard was Jon's first guest on that show. Howard said that he read Jon is making $1.5 million on this Comedy Central show now. He's doing alright for a barely known celebrity. Jon said that his first guest last night was Michael J. Fox who has Parkinsons disease. Howard asked him if he talked to Michael about the disease. Jon didn't bring it up. Howard told Jon that he'd have Michael thread a needle if he was his guest. Jon just didn't think it was appropriate to talk about it. After spending time on that subject Howard moved on to Jon's love life. Howard heard rumors that Jon dated actress Lara Flynn Boyle but Jon said he just went to dinner with her one time. Jon said he had more physical contact with Fred Norris on the Gay Dance Party than he ever did with Lara Flynn Boyle. Howard also heard Jon went out with Daisy Fuentes but Jon said that just wasn't true and he doesn't know how that rumor started. He's now dating some woman by the name of Tracy McShane. Howard asked Jon if he did any love scenes with Gillian Anderson in the movie and if he got aroused during them. Jon did do love scenes but claims he didn't get aroused. Howard always thinks actors are either lying or they're gay because he got aroused when he did the bathtub scene in ''Private Parts'' with Melanie Goode. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Jon before he left. Most of them were positive although one woman mistook Jon for John Lovitz.

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  -- Wednesday January 13, 1999 --

• Howard Bummed About Not Having A Birthday Party. 1/13/99. 6:05am
  Howard was kind of bummed out this morning because he didn't have much of a birthday yesterday. Everyone agreed that they wouldn't throw the annual Howard Stern Birthday Bash so that was another reason for Howard to get depressed. He said that he wants one next year even though they're a pain in the ass to put together. Howard said he enjoys having the sponsors give him gifts and everyone making a fuss over him. Howard said that next year they're going to call up celebrities who wouldn't normally do the birthday show and threaten them to do it. Howard told Gary that they'll tell celebrities like Madonna that if they don't do the birthday show Howard will goof on them for a solid year. Gary hinted that last year's party was a bomb by saying that they ''..packed 4000 people into an arena to watch MegaDeath.'' Gary said that it takes too many people to set up the party and there's little control over it. Howard still wants it next year though.

• Woman Interviews For Internship. 1/13/99. 7:05am
  This woman called in recently and asked Howard how she could get an internship on the show. Howard told her that she needed to come down so he could interview her. She showed up today so Howard spoke to her for a little while. I didn't catch her name so I'll refer to her as She or Her. She's a 23 year old teacher's assistant who has B-cup breasts and, according to Howard, looks really cute. She works at a high school in one of the ''slow'' classes with kids who range from 14 to 18 years old. Howard asked her if the kids just sit there and stare at her all day. She said she has caught some of them checking her out once in a while and some even ask her to go dancing with them. Since she's not in college at this time she really can't be an intern but she told Howard that she just resigned and she'll be free at the end of the month. She said she'd take a college course in broadcasting to get on the show. Howard asked her if she'd be willing to work in a bikini and she didn't have a problem with it. By the way, Howard doesn't pick the interns so she probably won't be working there. He just does this for fun. She gave Howard a birthday gift called ''Norda-Dick'' which is some kind of work out machine for his penis. Wow! What a thoughtful gift!

• The Bad Porno Howard Watched. 1/13/99. 7:35am
  Howard mentioned a porno movie that he ran across one night which had really awful acting in it. He got a hold of a tape from reel.com and played some examples of it for Robin. The movie was called ''Hollywood Dreams'' and really did sound horrible. The woman really sounded like she had no acting ability at all. Howard said that the movie is like $70 so if you really want to see it you're best off renting it. I figured that some people would be asking me for the name of the movie so that's why I mentioned it here.

• Tony Tarantino Calls In. 1/13/99. 8:00am
  Tony Tarantino is the biological father of actor/director Quentin Tarantino. He called in this morning to put the word out that he wants to get in touch with his son whom he's never met. Tony explained to Howard how he never got to meet his son because the woman who gave birth to him didn't bring him around. He married this woman Connie when he was 22 or so and she was 16. The two of them lived with her parents and Tony didn't enjoy it so he left. He didn't know that Connie was pregnant when he left. She eventually found him and told him that he had a son but she only gave him a picture of the child. So after a long drawn out story Tony said that he was just a young and irresponsible guy and now he wants to meet his son. Once in a while during the call someone else's voice would come in and make a comment. Eventually Howard discovered that it was this guy David Krieff who brings guests on the show once in a while. Apparently he's behind all of this and he had to be on the phone. Gary said that David told him that Tony was afraid of Howard so he had to be there to keep him under control or something like that. Krieff has some kind of group called the Silver Fox club which are celebrity parents who get together. I don't know all of the details but it sounds like they have products that they sell. Krieff was also telling Howard about some deals he's working on for him. He wants Howard to be the captain of the Love Boat in a movie. Howard told him that he'll do it for $20 million. David said he's even trying to sell the ''Fartman'' script that his buddy David Permitt was going to produce about 5 or 6 years ago. Howard backed out of doing that movie because he wanted to do a serious movie. Howard took some phone calls for Tony and most of them were against him meeting his long lost son. Most people think that he's just trying to meet him because Quentin is now famous. Tony says that's not true though. He's an actor and gets jobs on his own. He also has other businesses and makes plenty of money. Howard told him that he'd get in touch with Quentin's people and see if he's interested in reuniting with his father. I doubt that will happen but on this show you never know.

• Everlast Performs Live. 1/13/99. 8:50am
  Singer Everlast, aka Eric Schrody, came in to perform his hit song ''What It's Like'' off his album Whitey Ford Sings The Blues. Everlast used to be in the group ''House of Pain'' but they broke up and moved on to other things. The music is kind of a mix of rap and rock type stuff. Howard said last week that he really likes the album and that convinced Everlast to do the show. When he came in Howard heard that he was checking out Jaime the intern. Howard had her come in to see if they'd be interested in each other. Everlast has a bunch of tattoos all over himself and Jaime said she's not into that stuff. She did think he was attractive though. She asked him a bunch of questions about what kind of car he drives and stuff like that. He claims that he's not a millionaire since he spent his money foolishly when he was in ''House of Pain.'' Howard spent a little time talking to Everlast about being a white Muslem. He said that he prays 5 times a day. Howard also took some phone calls from fans of Everlast. Eventually they moved on and Everlast performed his song. He had his DJ ''Truly Odd'' and the rest of his group called ''The White Folks.'' The performance was pretty good even though I'm not much of a fan. Everlast said that he was inspired to write the song after a homeless guy asked him for money and he yelled at the guy. He went home, sat down in front of the big screen tv and realized that his worst day is better than that homeless guy's best day. Howard said the same thing has happened to him but he never wrote a song about it. Before Everlast left Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his wild sex life. Everlast had a heart attack one time so he's calmed down a bit but he has had more than 2 women in bed at one time. He actually said more than 2 women is too many because it becomes a spectator sport. He lost his virginity at 17 but had a Catholic school girl who gave him oral sex for years before that.

• Howard's Vibrator Recommendations. 1/13/99. 9:55am
  Howard was taking a bunch of phone calls before doing the news today and one woman called in and asked him which vibrator he recommends. Howard has given out his advice in the past but sometimes he needs to remind people. The woman said that she has one of the generic store brand vibrators and wants something really good. Howard had two vibrators to recommend to this woman. The first one is battery powered and is for amateurs who haven't used vibrators much. That one is called the ''Pocket Rocket.'' Howard told that woman that one would be fine for her. It's compact and pretty powerful. The second one, which Robin has used, is powered by plugging it in. It's called the ''Magic Wand'' and has a big ball at the end of it. Howard cautioned that it's only for experienced vibrator users because of it's power. Guys, write them down now so when your woman needs you to use one you know which ones Howard suggests.

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  -- Thursday January 14, 1999 --

• Howard's Thoughts On Michael Jordan. 1/14/99. 6:15am
  Howard spent a little while giving his opinion about Michael Jordan's retirement from basketball. Howard said he doesn't understand why people are so obsessed with the guy. He does say that Jordan is a great basketball player but people are more upset that he's retiring than they are with President Clinton being impeached. Howard then said that after watching Jordan at his press conference he's convinced that Jordan will be back playing ball next season. Jordan said that he's going to be a full time father from now on and Howard doesn't think that will last very long. Howard even went as far as to guarantee that Jordan would be back 1 year from now.

• Gary Garver Interviews. 1/14/99. 7:00am
  Los Angeles board operator Gary Garver went out and interviewed a bunch of celebrities at the American Music Awards the other night. Here are the celebrities he interviewed:
  • Sugar Ray
  • Leann Rymes
  • Brian McKnight
  • Donny & Marie
  • Method Man and Redman
  • Randy Travis
  • Burt Bacharach
  • Wutang Clan
  • He pretty much asked them the same basic questions like:
  • What is your new years wish for your fans?
  • Why are there so many Jews in the music business?
  • When was the last time you got high?
  • How do you feel about the House of Representatives impeaching President Clinton?
  • What event are you most embarrassed about?
  • Is penis size important?
  • Do you ever use your celebrity to get laid?
  • How many dates does it take before you introduce anal sex into a relationship?
  • Can you explain why so many women marry that lizard Larry King?
  Sugar Ray answered the questions without much of a problem. Leann Rymes also answered the questions but Gary went too far and asked her if penis size was important. She's like 16 years old so she just said ''I don't know'' and was quickly whisked away. Brian McKnight wasn't a great interview.. Donny and Marie were okay and when Donny invited Howard on the ''Donny and Marie'' show Howard said he would do it if Donny had his wife on the show. Howard wants to talk to her about not giving oral sex to Donny. That would be a hell of a ratings grabber. Randy Travis' interview was pretty funny because Gary mistook him for Travis Tritt so he called him Travis. Randy said that the last time he got high was many years ago. When asked about anal sex he asked where Gary was from and took off. Method Man, Redman and Wu Tang Clan all had opinions on the Jews in the music business. They just seem to think that the Jews know where and how to get the money. The Burt Bacharach interview didn't go anywhere. He ran away after being asked about Clinton's impeachment.

• Sugar Ray Comes In. 1/14/99. 7:45am
  The band Sugar Ray came in to promote their new album ''14:59'' this morning. They didn't bring their guitars to perform any live stuff. They made it sound like Howard was tired of technical problems with every other group that plays so they were told not to. So Howard spoke to them about their sex lives for most of the interview. The lead singer, Mark, said that he gets laid like crazy. He said that one of the guys in the band has been videotaping some behind the scenes stuff and there's a lot of sex stuff going on. Mark even admitted that once in a while he'll have sex with a woman without a condom. At one point Howard mentioned that E! show producer Scott Einziger is now dating Mark's ex-girlfriend Miya. Howard tried to get something going between Mark and Scott but they were very nice to each other. According to everyone there Miya is really cute too. Scott just got divorced a short time ago so he said he's not in a rush to get married again but he might consider it with Miya. He may have been saying that because she was listening though. Howard also spoke to the band about how they didn't actually make any money until last year. They had to pay for 2 albums and weren't making any money until one of their songs became a hit last year. The first time the band was on the show they'd done a remake of a song Howard wrote when he was a kid called ''Psychedelic Bee.'' It was a really rockin' heavy version of the song and it was really good. Now all of their hit songs are whimpy ballads. Maybe it was a good thing they didn't perform their latest hit ''Every Morning.'' Now there's a good candidate for a Gay Dance party song.

• Christi Lake Dial-A-Date. 1/14/99. 8:30am
  Porno actress Christi Lake volunteered to have sex with one of Howard's listeners. The other day Howard picked out a few contestants to play dial-a-date with her today. Christi came in wearing a mini skirt with no underwear, and a t-shirt. She was also wearing a hat to cover up her messy hair. She was running late because the driver got lost or some crap like that. The t-shirt wasn't sexy enough for Howard so he had her get into a bikini top before playing the game. Howard asked Christi some vital information like her height weight and measurements. Christi is 5'9'' tall, 110 pounds and her measurements are 34-24-34 with a B-cup breast size. She said her breasts are natural and if you check out her web site you'll believe it. She started having sex at 15 and now she's been in 175 porno movies. She has sex with her fans in some of the movies and it turns out she's going to do that with the winner of this game. As a matter of fact it was mandatory that the winner agrees to appear in her film for her to have sex with him. Howard didn't know that until she said that this morning. Howard was afraid that the guys wouldn't agree to that but they all did. Howard brought in the contestants and introduced them to Christi. Contestant number 1 was Phillip who wants to have freaky sex with a woman. Contestants number 2 were a grandfather and grandson team: Scott, 19, and Harry, 77. Scott was in an accident and has some brain damage. Grandpa was playing and would participate in the sex if they were to win. Contestant 3 was Brock the black stutterer. He didn't stutter much during the game. Both Christi and Howard asked each of the guys questions to get an idea of what they were like. After all was said and done Christi picked Brock the stutterer as the winner. He was thrilled to win. The grandpa/grandson team were kind of bummed that they didn't win. Grandpa really wanted his grandson to get laid and thought this would be the ideal way to get it. Christi did let him feel her up real quick after the game. He must have grabbed some breast pretty good because Robin's reaction was pretty intense. Christi thought that both Brock and Phillip were good looking guys. She didn't say that about Scott and Harry though.

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  -- Friday January 15, 1999 --

• Stuttering John Cuts His Head Open. 1/15/99. 6:15am
  Stuttering John came in to work with a big gash in his forehead. It turns out that he banged his car door into his head while doing one of his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder rituals. It was still bleeding as Howard tried to find out what is making John so freaked out. Howard pried until John said that he's been worrying about his wife flying out to California in the near future. During the segment the New York station cut out for a couple of minutes so the New York market missed some of the show. They lost their signal more than one time during the show. The station was having problems with their signal going to the Empire State Building. The rest of the country was getting the signal though.

• Happy Birthday Singers On Letterman. 1/15/99. 6:25am
  Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of some of David Letterman's audience singing ''Happy Birthday Howard Stern'' during Billy Baldwin's segment. Surprisingly, the group wasn't kicked out of the taping and it wasn't edited out of the show. I was invited to go to the show to participate in the singing but I couldn't make it.. damn it! Later in the show Sal the Stockbroker claimed responsibility for the incident but Fred just wouldn't believe that Sal could do that. I know Sal was behind it because he was the person who invited me to the taping. He had 20 people in the audience singing along with him. Dan Wagner was part of the event also and he's got a more info at www.gettingtohoward.com/lateshow.html. You can read more about Sal and his nutty pranks at www.horsetoothjackass.com.

• Gary The Retard Birthday Bash!? 1/15/99. 6:30am
  Gary the retard called in to wish Howard a happy birthday and mentioned that his birthday is coming up next month. That led to Howard suggesting that they throw a special birthday bash for him like they usually do with Howard. They'll invite sponsors and music bands to play but Gary the 'tard will be the guest of honor instead of Howard. Gary the 'tard was thrilled with the idea.. but he gets thrilled when he cuts off a hang nail. His birthday is February 28 so they'll probably have the big bash on the Friday before that.

• Eddie The Jets Fan Calls In. 1/15/99. 6:40am
  This guy Eddie is a Jets football fan who leads the ''J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets'' cheer at the home games. He's become fairly well known lately since the Jets are doing so well this season. He's refused to come on the show in the past but a sporting goods store convinced him to do it. Modell's sporting goods is selling a t-shirt with Eddie and his brother on it and they're donating some of the money to a charity. Howard spent a few minutes talking about how Eddie got started doing this ridiculous thing. He's been doing it for about 15 years so he's a real fan. He kept it up even during the 13 bad seasons the Jets had. He told Howard that he does it because he's a fan, not for the notoriety. Eddie predicts that the Jets will win this weekend's game against Denver 31 to 27. After Eddie got off the phone Howard got a call from a listener who claims they have a picture of Eddie in high school wearing a Miami Dolphins t-shirt. Howard wanted to ask him about it but they didn't have his phone number to call him back. Gary said that the Jets fans hate the Dolphins so that would really offend them. Howard suggested they sell t-shirts with that yearbook picture on it.

• Bernadette The Slave. 1/15/99. 7:15am
  This 21 year old woman offered to do anything for Howard if he'd play her friend's music on the air. Howard decided to have her become his slave. When she came in she had no idea what Howard was going to do. Howard had some ideas written down but she was so young and sweet that he decided not to do most of them. Some of the ideas were:
  • Have her pee in an adult diaper.
  • Roll her up in a carpet naked and wheel her around in a shopping cart.
  • Eat out of a dog bowl.
  • Throw eggs at her ass while she's bent over.
  • Have her eat peanut butter from between Jackie's toes.
  Howard did have her get into a diaper and pee in it. She actually did that after going in to the bathroom to get changed. Jackie had made a mess in the bathroom earlier in the morning so it wasn't pleasant. Then he had her sit in it for a minute. Then he had her eat dog food out of a dog bowl. She said it tasted really vile but she did eat some of it. After that Howard had her take the diaper off so KC could check it to make sure she actually peed in the thing. She did it! After that was verified Howard had Bernadette get on all fours so he could throw eggs at her ass. They went ahead and did that for a minute and made a mess out of her ass. Howard noticed that she had a pretty nice body although KC called her ''thick'' and gave her a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. Howard thought with a little toning up she could be a 9 or so. She has a 34-D breast size that she said is natural. After all of that Howard said he'd play her friend Tex Axile's music. He took a break so Bernadette could clean the egg off her ass. Howard took a break and when he came back he started to tell a story about how he had to use the regular men's room. Someone took a dump and did a ''shotgun'' like blast on all over the toilet. It was nasty and the E! camera's were there to film it. Matt O'Dwyer called in so Howard had to put it off for a few minutes. Eventually he got around to playing the music. Howard thinks that Bernadette must really be in love with the guy to go through all of this to get his music played. She said she likes him but they don't date or anything like that. Howard said she must be blinded by her love for the guy. She told Howard that she ''pleasures herself'' to his image so Howard told her to do that right then. She did! Howard said he was going to jump right on top of her. The music was playing in the background and it was just so-so.

• The Jets' Matt O'Dwyer Calls In. 1/15/99. 8:00am
  Football player Matt O'Dwyer called in to talk about this weekend's game against the Denver Broncos. Howard asked him a few questions about the team and about playing in Denver where the elevation may become a problem for some of the players. To make a boring story short, Matt said that the Jets will win but he wouldn't say by how much. Of course he thinks they'll win, he's on the team! Howard has $400 in bets against the Jets but told Matt that he'll still be rooting for them to win.

• Brock And Chrisi Lake Sex Update. 1/15/99. 8:35am
  Yesterday this guy Brock won the chance to have sex with porn actress Christi Lake. Both of them called in this morning to tell Howard how it went. Christi said that she's been up for 40 hours straight so she was a little tired. After the show was over Christi took Brock to a studio to shoot their sex scene. They spent some time taking some pictures for the movie box cover then went and shot their sex scene. Chrisi said that Brock was aroused pretty quickly. Howard wondered if Christi was able to get excited and she said she does. She said it's exciting to be with a new guy. The two of them did some oral sex on each other then went on and had regular sex for an hour and a half! Christi had to take a break because it was taking so long. Christi told Howard that Brock was very well endowed with about 11 inches of penis. She said she had 3 orgasms during that hour and a half also. Brock said he just didn't want it to end so it lasted extremely long. There was a rumor that he had taken Viagra but he denied it. Someone gave him a pill but he claims he didn't take it. Doug from the E! show was at the shoot so he filled Howard in on some other details. He had statistics on the sex and how long they did each thing but the delay button was hit during it so the info was incomplete. Doug said that Chrisit's estimate of 11 inches was a little much. Doug estimated it at 7 inches. Brock has been offered another job in a porno and he's going to do it. This is like a dream come true for him. Christi is dancing at Pin-Ups in Philadelphia through Saturday so you can check her out if you want to.

• The Mike Walker Game With Fred The Elephant Boy. 1/15/99. 9:10am
  Fred the elephant boy came in to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game this morning. Howard went right to Mike who was waiting on the phone. Each week Mike calls in with 4 gossip stories. 3 of them are from his National Enquirer gossip column and one of them is false. Mike spent a minute or so talking with Howard about football and how he'll be on the Roseanne show next week. Mike then went on to the game. Here are this week's four stories, try to pick the false one:
  1. 60 Minutes' Ed Bradley parked in a handicapped parking space and a handicapped person had to limp along on some icy sidewalk. The person called Ed insensitive and a hypocrite.
  2. Actor Dabney Coleman got upset when his rented Mercedes' navigation system failed to tell him a road was ending. He ended up with the front wheels in a swamp.
  3. Adam Sandler was signing autographs for some teen fans when one of them yelled out ''.. 'Good Will Hunting' is still my favorite movie!'' Sander said that he'd be sure to tell Matt Damon the next time he sees him and walked away disgusted.
  4. Brad Pitt took his girlfriend Jennifer Aniston to show her his original bachelor pad. He asked the current owner if he could come in and she was thrilled to do so.
  When Mike was reading the stories he screwed up the story about Dabney Coleman so it was pretty obvious that it was probably the false story. Elephant Boy and Jackie both chose number 2 as the false story. Howard and Robin both chose number 3. The actual story was number 2. Mike claimed that he often has trouble reading his notes so it wasn't unusual to have screwed up.

  After the game Howard spent a few minutes talking to Fred about his sex life. In the past Fred admitted to having a homosexual experience but he now goes with just women. He said he was curious back then and that's over. He was also plugging an appearance that he'll be making. Fred and a bunch of other ''Wack Pack'' members will be at Woody's Night Club in Oxford, PA on January 30 to do an oatmeal wrestling match. You can find out more info at www.pegasusconcerts.com/whackpac.htm.