Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 8/17/98 to 8/21/98

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-- Friday August 21, 1998 --
• Howard's Opinion Of President Clinton. 8/21/98. 6:10am
  First thing this morning Howard spoke about what he thought of President Clinton's bombing of Sudan and Afghanistan. Howard has been a supporter of Clinton's until now. He says that he believes that the bombing was definitely politically motivated to detour attention away from the whole Monical Lewinsky fiasco. Howard said it worked but it's not the right thing to do. Howard thinks that Clinton may have lost his mind and Kenneth Starr should either stop bothering him with this whole Monica Lewinsky thing or get him out of office before a major war breaks out.

• Michelle The 14 Year Old Superfan Comes In. 8/21/98. 6:40am
  A very quiet 14 year old came in to meet her idol Howard. Michelle came down from Boston to meet Howard this morning. She has a big scrap book full of articles and pictures of Howard. Her uncle came with her and said that all four of her bedroom walls are covered with pictures of Howard. Howard seemed to be very flattered by the whole thing. Howard said that when he was a teenager he dreamt of being adored by teenagers. His dream finally came true, the only problem is that he's 40 years older than her. Howard had Gary flip through the pages of her scrap book while he looked at the stuff in there. She has tons of articles and magazine covers in it. Michelle was very quiet and her uncle said that's the way she is all of the time. She said that she's seen Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' about 20 times or so. She knew Howard's birth date, his middle name and his 3 daughter's names. Gary gave her a bunch of posters and CDs to add to her collection before she left. When Howard went to commercial he took a picture with Michelle and gave her a hug. After the commercials Howard said that after the hug he saw tears well up in her eyes.

• The Homeless Game. 8/21/98. 8:45am
  Howard had a DVD player to give away so he tried playing the Homeless game with a couple of guys. Neither one of them won the game so the DVD player is still available. Here's how the first guy lost his game:

  Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  How many wheels are on a tricycle?	N	Three	Y
  How many nostrils do you have?	Y	Two	Y
  Name one olympic event.	Y	The Knicks	N
  What are the next two words from this Shakespeare line ''To be or not..''	N	To be	Y

  The guy was arguing about the last question but he was being stupid so Howard just hung up on the guy. He got another guy on the phone but he ended up losing also. He wasn't as annoying so Howard gave him a copy of Jackie's new album Hot Dogs and Donuts as a consolation prize. Here's how his game went:

  Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  What presidents picture is on the one dollar bill?	Y	Oh shit	N
  What did old MacDonald own?	Y	The farm	Y
  How many toes do you have?	Y	Five	N
  What do you call people who eat other people?	N	Cannibals	Y

  Howard and the gang bet on the rest of the questions so here they are:

  Question	Homeless Answer	Correct?
  What does the word Karoke mean?	Uhm, food?	N
  Name one airline.	Kennedy	N
  Name one ocean.	Atlantic	Y
  True or false, dolphins walk on land.	FALSE	y
  The Academy Awards happen how many times a year?	Two	N
  How many quarters are in 75 cents?	Three	Y
  What letters in the alphabet are vowels?	A E I O U and sometimes Y	Y
  How do you spell Titanic?	T I T I N A C	N
  How many states are there in the United States	Fifty two	N

• The Mike Walker Game With Penthouse Pet Paige Summers. 8/21/98. 8:50am
  Penthouse Pet of the Year, Paige Summers, came in to play the gossip game with Howard. Howard spent a little while talking to the beautiful Paige before playing the game. Howard did a photo shoot with Paige one time and she was very nice to Howard. At the time he thought that he could get her sexually. Today he found out that she was just being nice to him. She wasn't interested in him at all.

  Mike Walker calls in weekly with his gossip game. He reads four gossip stories from his National Enquirer column. One of the stories is false, try to pick it out.

  1. Tom Hanks was at some place where a wedding was going on. He picked up one of the disposable cameras and took an extreme closeup of his face to surprise the wedding couple.
  2. Rush Limbaugh has been bad mouthing Al Franken by saying that his tv show ''Late Line'' has been canceled. The show was just picked up for 13 weeks so Al sent Rush a copy of the press release to rub it in his face.
  3. Lisa Kudrow was turned down by Robert DeNiro when she asked him to do a guest shot on ''Friends''.
  4. Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas are going to make a guest appearance on the new Hollywood Squares show this coming season.
  Paige and Howard both chose number 4 as the false story. Robin, Jackie and Fred chose number 3. The actual false story was number 2. Most of the story is true but Mike made up the fact that Al sent something to Rush. Howard thought it was unfair to use so much true stuff in the story.

  Paige hung around for a while after the game. She said that she makes about half a million dollars a year being a Penthouse Pet of the Year. Eventually Howard got her into a bikini that was too small for her. She hesitated to get changed but Howard somehow convinced her. Howard wanted to touch her ass but she didn't want her boyfriend to get upset. Gary offered her a bunch of prizes to let Howard touch her but she wouldn't budge. Howard was reading Paige's bio and it said that she was going to be an archaeologist but when Howard asked her to spell it she couldn't. And when he asked her what an archaeologist does she said that they ''..dig up bones and stuff like that.'' No one believed that she was going to be one. After begging and pleading for her to let Howard touch her ass she finally broke down and let him do it. It took a while but she finally broke down. Paige has a new video out ''Penthouse Pet of the Year and Friends Starring Paige Summers'' available in stores now.

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  -- Thursday August 20, 1998 --

• Howard Visits The New Scores. 8/20/98. 6:05am
  Howard mentioned that he and the gang went to their favorite strip club, Scores, yesterday. Scores has had to remodel in the past month or so because of a new zoning law in New York City. The law has shut down many strip clubs in the city. Scores remodeled the club to conform to the new laws. They've partitioned off some of the club and made 60% of it a restaurant and the other 40% is the strip club. Howard still loves the club though. The women who were in with the Howard look alike from the other day also went down with them. Ralph ended up going out to dinner with the one who Howard really liked. This discussion led to a discussion about how Howard was up in the middle of the night to take a leak. He's been thinking that he may have a prostate problem ever since a doctor told him that frequent urination is a symptom of an enlarged prostate. That led to Stuttering John telling a story about how he was dreaming about urinating and when he woke up he was actually pissing himself! He said he woke up in time to stop it so he didn't wet his bed though.

• Howard Yells At Religious Freak. 8/20/98. 7:30am
  Howard has been talking about these religious freaks at the American Family Ass(hole)ociation. They've been trying to get Howard off the air for years. Now they're trying to stop his new Saturday night show from airing by mailing letters to sponsors of the show. Howard was reading letters and crap from these losers this morning. Stuttering John got one woman to come on the air. Patricia is trying to stop Howard's show because she thinks that what he does shouldn't be on the air. Howard tried to reason with her but she was too stupid to listen to what he told her. He told her that what she's doing is just about Nazism. She wants to control what people watch and listen to. She thinks that's okay to do. These asswipes don't seem to recognize the First Amendment. Howard says the only way to combat these people is to support any of the sponsors who are brave enough to keep advertising on his shows. The woman claimed that she knows what Howard does on his show because she's listened to it herself. That's pretty funny because when she heard Robin's voice in the background, she didn't have a clue as to who she was. She just follows everything this jerkoff Donald Wildman and his AFA tell her to. FUCK The AFA!!!

• Woman Making Documentary About Women's Periods Comes In. 8/20/98. 8:05am
  This woman Lorina David is making a documentary about women and their periods. Howard tried to interview her but there wasn't much to find out. She said that she just directed a feature film called ''Bravo'' so we'll have to wait and see how that does. She's making this documentary with money she borrowed from her family. It's only about $4000 so how great could the movie come out? The name of the movie will be ''A Friend Comes To Visit'' but don't look for it to show up in your local movie theater. Lorina is hoping that Comedy Central or someone like that will show the movie. I guess it'll be a comedy. You can find out more about the movie at www.kingsize-ent.com

• The Homeless Game. 8/20/98. 8:20am
  Howard had some Pearl Jam concert tickets to give away so he decided to play the homeless game. He took some phone calls and one woman begged to play the game. The woman, Elise, told Howard that she was a gorgeous 5'10'' tall, 125 pound, Kim Basinger look alike. Even though someone else was already on hold to play the game Howard let Elise play because she said she was hot. Howard put her on hold but then Gary said that he'd bet that she was lying about her looks. They bet $100 on that fact and Howard put Elise back on the phone. Elise then told Howard that he lost and that she's not any of the things she told him. She's 5'8'' tall and, although she didn't admit it, probably weighs somewhere around 200 pounds. Howard almost didn't let her play but broke down once again. He told her that she'd have to get 5 out of 5 questions right. Then it came down to 3 out of 5. The object of the game is to guess whether or not the homeless person being questioned will answer the questions correctly. Here's how Elise's 5 questions went:

  Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
  What letters in the alphabet are vowels?	Y	A,L,X	N
  How many wheels are on a tricycle?	N	Three	Y
  What is Viagra?	N	The address here	N
  How many nostrils do you have?	Y	Two	Y
  What president's picture is on the 1 dollar bill?	Y	George Washington	Y

  Well, she won her Pearl Jam Tickets but just barely. After Elise was done Howard and the gang bet on the rest of the questions. Here they are:

  Question	Homeless Answer	Correct?
  What does the word homophobic mean?	to live without water	N
  Complete this famous Shakespeare line, 'To be or not..'	To Be	Y
  How many pints are in a quart?	Three	N
  What did Old MacDonald own?	A farm, E I E I O	Y
  How many toes do you have?	Five	N
  Name one airline.	TWA	Y
  Name one olympic event.	When they pass the baton.	Y
  How many quarters are in 75 cents?	Three	Y
  Name this comedy duo, Abbott and..	Costello	Y
  Spell Titanic.	T A T I C	N
  Name one ocean.	Michigan	N
  The Academy awards are held how many times a year?	One	Y
  What do you call people who eat other people?	Cannibals	Y
  What is Karoke?	John Lennon's old lady	N

• How To Cheat On Your Wife. 8/20/98. 9:05am
  These two guys called in to plug their book What Men Don't Want Women to Know : The Secrets, the Lies, the Unspoken Truth. They called themselves Bill Doe and Mike Smith. They're keeping their real names secret because they claim their lives have been threatened because of this book. The book is for men and women. It basically tells women what men are really thinking and doing behind their backs. They also give hints on how you can cheat on your wife. They polled 1100 men on the internet about their sex lives and used the statistics in the book. They say that 96.4% of men polled would cheat on their wives if given the chance. 97% say that they've been to prostitutes. They have different chapters on men and their different states like loaded and unloaded. They say a man is unloaded for about 24 hours after an orgasm. After that the man is ready to have sex again. When the man is unloaded then women don't have much to worry about. When he's loaded then there's a good chance he could cheat. They also say that the only reason men don't cheat is because they're afraid of getting caught. A bunch of listeners called in and told these guys that what they are doing is wrong and they shouldn't publish a book like this. Check it out and decide for yourself. Howard said he's going to give the book to his daughters so they'll know what men are really like. It's available from Amazon.com.

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  -- Wednesday August 19, 1998 --

• Author Of ''Tomb Stone Tourist'' Calls In. 8/19/98. 7:00am
  Scott Stanton, author of The Tombstone Tourist : Musicians, called in to plug his book this morning. This guy has compiled a book that lists where 225 musicians are buried. He and Howard spoke about a bunch of them. Scott mentioned some of the most popular grave sites like Jim Morrison's, Hank Williams', Elvis and Lynrd Skynrd. He knows exactly where these people are buried and has visited them himself. He said that the most tasteless shrine for a dead musician is Selena's down in Corpus Christi. There's a big statue of her dressed like a hooker with her bronze breasts popping out of her bra.

• Tonya Flynt Checks In. 8/19/98. 7:40am
  Yesterday Larry Flynt was in to defend himself against the child molestation allegations made by his daughter in her book. Tonya was on the phone to argue with him. Today she called back to complain that she felt that she was ganged up on yesterday. She said that she's going to send Howard some of the ''evidence'' that she mentioned yesterday. Howard said that he was thinking about putting that interview on the new Saturday night show but he may hold off on that for a while. He only spoke to her for a couple of minutes since this was the third time she's been on in a week.

• Wesley Snipes Comes In. 8/19/98. 8:20am
  Actor Wesley Snipes came in to promote his new movie ''Blade'' which opens on Friday. Howard got right into it with Wesley. He questioned him about everything from why he likes to date Asian women to how he got started in the Martial Arts. I'll mention a few of the things they talked about. Wesley likes to date women from other countries because American women are too full of themselves. He got married when he was 22 but that marriage only lasted 5 years. Wesley sold Girl Scout cookies when he was younger. Howard thinks that Wesley is the blackest black man on earth. Wesley dated Halle Berry at one time. Wesley thought his movie ''Tu Wong Fu'' kind of sucked and it could have been better. He was paid about $10 Million for his latest movie and he thinks it's his best movie so far. Wesley used to do therapeutic massage on women and men. He would massage women's breasts but says it wasn't a sexual thing. His big break was in Michael Jackson's ''Bad'' video where he was the guy who yelled at Michael about being bad. Wesley said he wouldn't let Michael Jackson baby sit his 9 year old son. The Los Angeles police once dragged Wesley out of his rental car and put a 9mm gun to his head because of a misunderstanding. He was forced into martial arts by his mother so he could defend himself. He was once involved in a high speed chase on a motorcycle where he was going about 145 mph. He's since slowed down on his motorcycle. That was most of what they spoke about. Wesley seemed to enjoy the interview and took all of the questions pretty well.

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  -- Tuesday August 18, 1998 --

• Howard Stern Look Alike Comes In. 8/18/98. 6:30am
  This guy Stewart who claims he looks like Howard came in today with a couple of women. The guy didn't really look that much like Howard according to what some people said. Gary said that he did look a little bit like him but Robin didn't agree. Howard didn't really care about the guy though. He just wanted to see the women. One of them has been on the show in the past. She must have been pretty good looking because when she took off her clothes Howard got a boner. He was so excited that he wanted to measure his penis like he did a couple weeks ago. He sat through the look alike's bad Monica Lewinsky song before taking a break. He said that he was in the bathroom with the girl but never said what his measurement was.

• Guy Who Offered $100,000 For Monica Lewinsky Dress Calls In. 8/18/98. 7:00am
  Howard spoke to this guy Jesse Briggs from Florida who offered to buy Monica Lewinsky's sex stained dress for $100,000. He collects celebrity items such as hair and teeth. I guess he wants to add a sex stained dress to that collection. He said that he has hair from Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and Elvis. He also has one of Elvis' teeth. Lewinsky hasn't taken up the offer yet but who knows what will happen now that the dress isn't needed for evidence anymore.

• Larry Flynt Comes In To Defend Himself. 8/18/98. 7:45am
  Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler Magazine, came in defend himself against the allegations made by his daughter Tonya. Last week Tonya called in to plug her book Hustled: My Journey From Fear to Faith. In the book she claims that her father molested her. Larry wanted to defend himself so he came in live to do so. Larry has been in a wheel chair since about 1978 when he was shot. Howard spoke to Larry and his new wife Liz for a few minutes before getting Tonya on the phone. Larry still has sex with the help of a penile implant which allows him to pump up his dick. Howard got Tonya on the phone and the fight was on. Larry and Tonya both argued about what happened when she was a child. Larry said he took a lie detector test and it said he wasn't lying. Larry's daughter Theresa also called in but she was defending him. She said that he never molested her. She and Tonya argued and yelled at each other also. This all went on for about 20 minutes but there was no resolution. Howard offered to get his own polygraph tester to come in and give both of them a test. Tonya said that her doctor told her than she couldn't take the test because of the medication she's on. That would give her a false reading on the lie detector. So by the end of this thing nothing was settled. Larry said he won't be leaving his daughter any money in his will. She doesn't seem to mind that though. Larry plugged his book An Unseemly Man; My Life as a Pornographer, Pundit, and Social Outcast and his web site at www.hustler.com before he left.

• Dr. R. Scott Smith Gives Away Another Set Of Breast Implants. 8/18/98. 8:30am
  Back at the beginning of July this woman Skylar came in to get evaluated. At the time Howard told her that she'd be a 10 if she just had implants. Well, Dr. R. Scott Smith from Regional Coastal Surgical Associates down in St. George Island, Florida, heard that and offered to give Skylar free implants. Dr. Smith has done this in the past and he now claims that he's been ostracized by the surgical community. He said that the medical school he graduated from won't list his name in the alumni list. Skylar came in and showed Dr. Smith her B-cup breasts. Dr. Smith said that she would benefit from breast augmentation. He said they'd take them up to a C plus! Skylar will probably return sometime after her augmentation. If you're interested in having implants, installed through the belly button, then give Dr. Smith a call at 850-927-3355.

• Press Conference For New Saturday Night TV Show. 8/18/98. 8:50am
  Howard held a press conference for his new Saturday late night tv show ''The Howard Stern Radio Show''. There were 30 reporters on a conference call all asking questions of Howard. Howard said that he's now cleared for 75% of the country. The show is syndicated so it'll be on different networks in different areas. In the bigger markets like New York and Los Angeles the show will be on CBS. The show will be very much like the E! show but CBS will have first choice of what it will feature on the show. They'll also have animated pieces and segments made just for the new show. E! has moved the Saturday night ''Power Hour'' to Sunday nights so it won't be competing with the new show. You can find your local station and more info on my CBS Show page.

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  -- Monday August 17, 1998 --

• Howard Goofs On President Clinton. 8/17/98. 6:30am
  Howard was talking about how President Clinton will be testifying in court today. He was doing an impression of Clinton for a few minutes and then read an excerpt from a book(Presidential Sex : From the Founding Fathers to Bill Clinton) about Gennifer Flowers affair with President Clinton. It sounds like Clinton was quite a strange sex partner. Howard continued his goofing during the news when Robin brought up the story once again. They did a mock trial type thing.

• Gary Garver Interviews From Star Trek Convention. 8/17/98. 7:30am
  Gary Garver, the Los Angeles Stern show reporter, went to a Star Trek convention and got a couple of interviews. He got a couple of has been actors and Walter Koenig who played Chekov on the original series. The first two interviews with Robert Fuller and William Windham were pretty quick. Gary asked Robert Fuller a couple of easy questions but the guy got pissed. He asked him if he ever picked up chicks at one of these conventions. He got mad and when Gary asked him ''Do you speak Klingon?'' the guy walked away. William Windham lasted a little longer. Gary got off about 6 questions before Windham got pissed and left. Gary asked questions like ''Is Leonardo DiCaprio over rated?'', ''How would you solve racial tensions?'', ''Do you ever pick up chicks at gigs like this?'', ''Did you ever use your celebrity to get laid?'' and ''Did you ever fart on an airplane an pretend it wasn't you?''. The last question drove the guy away. The last interview was with Walter Koenig. Koenig only lasted through two questions. ''Why were there no black Vulcans on the original Star Trek?'' and ''What's more fictitious, the Star Trek plots or William Shatner's hair?''. Koenig refused to answer the second question so he was gone.

• Third Eye Blind Performs. 8/17/98. 8:00am
  Alternative rock band Third Eye Blind came in to perform 2 songs for Howard. Howard spoke to the guys for a few minutes before they played their songs. He asked them about an incident between them and a Green Day band member. They didn't get into much detail though. One of them got into a fight with the bass player in Green Day for some reason that they didn't bring up today. Howard ended up smelling the hand of one of the guys because he has a really hot actress girlfriend. There were a bunch of women who came down to dance in the studio while the band performed. There were a couple of lesbians and at least one woman was dancing nude. The band performed their hit songs ''Semi Charmed Life'' and ''Graduate''. Howard said that he was actually dancing during the songs. He was dancing with some hot blonde that was there. Their latest single is ''Jumper''. Howard played a short clip of that song before ending the segment.

• Actress Sally Kirkland Talks About Her Breast Implant Removal. 8/17/98. 8:00am
  Last week Robin read an article about how Sally Kirkland was going into the hospital to have her breast implants removed. Today Howard spoke to Sally about her problems. Sally claims that the silicone implants she got back in the mid 1980's caused many health problems for her since 1989 or so. She said that the silicone leaked and she eventually suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome among other health problems. She rambled on and on about her problems and wouldn't let Howard get a word in. She also cursed a couple of times so Howard had to hit the delay a couple times. Sally said that she did have the silicone implants removed in 1995 and replaced them with saline. She then somehow had scar tissue build up around the implants and up to her collarbone. That's what she had operated on I guess. She says that she looks great now that she's had reconstructive surgery to fix her breasts. Howard took a bunch of phone calls while Sally was still on the phone and none of them were very nice. Guys were yelling at her for being annoying and women were yelling at her because she shouldn't have gotten the implants in the first place. It sounded like so much fun that I had to call in. I told Sally that maybe all of her health problems were being caused by her getting OLD. She claims that she looks very sexy in an upcoming movie she just shot. You can find out more about Sally and her breasts over at www.sallykirkland.com.