MarksFriggin.com - Stern Show News

Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 7/27/98 to 7/31/98

-- Friday July 31, 1998 --

Corey The Intern Interviews Richard Simmons. 7/31/98. 6:20am
Howard sent out female intern Corey to interview Richard Simmons at a mall appearance. Corey is a sweet looking young woman who doesn't look like she's from the Stern show. She said that it was a really tough interview. This was her first and last interview. It was so tough that she doesn't want to do any more interviews. She started off with some easy questions for Richard. She asked him a diet question and he answered it. The she asked him if he ever plans on getting married. Richard said that he's 50 years old and all of the people who are his fans are his wives and children. The next question was tough. She asked him if he thinks that fat people are mentally ill. Richard found that question offensive and said that obesity is not caused by mental illness. The question that freaked Richard out was ''Were you molested as a child?''. That one drove him over the edge and he ended the interview. Corey was so embarrassed that she just left the mall.
Brian From Canada Raped By 3 Black Guys In Jail. 7/31/98. 6:45am
This guy called in with a story about how he got raped by 3 black guys while he was in jail. Brian says that it was the last week in jail for him and these guys that had picked on him for months took advantage of him. Brian was putting away some cleaning products when these guys followed him in to a closet. The closed the door, pulled down his jump suit and raped his ass. He finished his sentence in the jail hospital and never told anyone who did it to him.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Mark Summers. 7/31/98. 7:45am
Game show host Mark Summers came in to promote some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder thing that he's involved with. He was also promoting some game show host search thing that he's doing today at an area mall. Mark is the host of Nickelodeon's ''Double Dare'' and ''What Would You Do'' game shows. He has O.C.D. as did Howard years ago. He gave out a phone number and a web site address to find out more about the disorder. You can call 800-NEWS4OCD or visit www.ocdresource.com. Howard cured himself of the disorder back in 1992 or so. Mark claims that you never get rid of it but it can be controlled.
Mike Walker called in with his weekly gossip game. He had to talk about last week's game where he said that David Letterman was told that he should get a sidekick for the show. The president of CBS called in on Monday and said that the story was false but Mike was sticking by his story today. He still says that his story was absolutely true. Now with that out of the way let's get on with this weeks game. Mike calls in each week with 4 gossip stories from his National Enquirer column. One of the stories is false, try to pick it out.
1. Sharon Stone brought some cookies to her husband at work. He works for a newspaper in San Francisco. She brought them for every department except the layout dept. That's because her husband's ex-girlfriend works there.
2. ''Boogie Nights'' star Heather Graham says that when she was a child she used to sneak in and out of her house through a doggie door. Her family didn't have a dog though.
3. Leonardo Dicaprio had to sign some autographs to get in to a club in New York. While he was in there a woman came up to him and said the bouncer was selling his autograph for $20 a pop.
4. Jerry Seinfeld got into a cab in Stockholm Sweden and told the driver to take him to the theater. The driver took him to a nude dance theater. Seinfeld told the driver that it wasn't the right place so he drove him to the correct place.
Mark and Robin both chose number 3 as the false story. Howard picked number 2, Jackie chose number 4 and Fred chose number 1. The actual false story was number 3.
Mark hung around for a while discussing his O.C.D. He was pretty messed up with it. He told Howard some of the stuff he did but after he left Howard read even more stuff about him. Mark used to clean his room and organize stuff for hours and hours. It sounds like the guy was a mess.
Wesley Snipes Calls In. 7/31/98. 8:35am
Actor Wesley Snipes called in to promote some event he's hosting. It's called ''Masters Of Martial Arts'' and it's happening tonight in Harlem I believe. Wesley is coming in live in a couple of weeks so Howard didn't spend too much time with him on the phone today. Wesley just wanted to call in and plug this appearance since he won't be in for a couple of weeks. The martial arts show also features Sinbad, David Carradine and Kadeem Hardison. He plugged his web site www.wesley-snipes.com/martialarts before getting off the phone.
Dr. Ernesto Montgomery Calls In. 7/31/98. 9:00am
Dr. Ernesto Montgomery, the Psychic Spy, called in this morning. Ernesto had an english accent and was kind of hard to understand. He rambled on about his psychic powers and his book Psychic Spy : The Story of an Astounding Man. He claims to have predicted the John F. Kennedy assassination and the Princess Diana death. He says that he has antenna that come out of the back of his ears which pick up his psychic visions. It's like watching tv in his head he says. The guys voice sounded pretty funny. It sounded like a goof but the guy was for real. You can get a copy of his book by calling his ''Headquarters'' at (213) 930-2027.
-- Thursday July 30, 1998 --
Measuring Penis Size Continued. 7/30/98. 7:00am
Yesterday Howard and the gang tried to get around to measuring their penis' but it didn't happen. They tried again today with a woman who was supposed to talk dirty to them to get them aroused. The woman, Elissa Wald, showed up with her book Meeting The Master. She was really cute according to Howard and the rest of the guys. She was wearing a latex dress and had a bottle of Armor All with her. She expected the guys to Armor All her dress but nobody was into that. Gary was the first guy to go into the bathroom with her. She wasn't too good at getting him excited. She tried to talk dirty to him but he just didn't get aroused. He said he got a little rise but not a full erection. Jackie went next but once again nothing happened. She asked Jackie what his name was and then tried to talk dirty but it didn't work. Jackie said that he tried to Armor All her in her dress but it felt like he was cleaning his car. Howard went in during a commercial break but he didn't get aroused either. He said that she brought up God and he just couldn't get excited. He got bummed out with the discussion. After the break Elissa said that she just wanted to come in and meet Howard. When they were done with Elissa Gary said that Janine Lindemulder will be in next week and she could get them fluffed up. A few minutes later they found someone even better..Cindy the queef girl.
Cindy The Queef Girl. 7/30/98. 7:45am
Cindy called in recently and did some queefs(vaginal farts) for Howard on the phone. She claimed that she could do 30 queefs in 30 seconds. Well she came in this morning to demonstrate. When she came in the guys discovered that she would be a good ''fluff'' girl. She's an exotic dancer who strips for Strip-O-Gram. When Gary found that out he said he was ready to measure himself. First they had her do her queefs. Cindy was wearing a hot pink dress with no underwear on. She's 5'4'' tall and weighs 115 pounds. She got on her back and queefed to a Smashing Pumpkins song. She managed to do 21 queefs in 30 seconds. After that she went into the bathroom with Gary. A few minutes later she came out while Gary measured himself. All of the results would be handed to Robin until everyone was measured. Howard had to take a break so they did some measuring during the commercials. After the break everyone was measured and Frank Stallone was there.
Frank Stallone Comes In. 7/30/98. 8:20am
Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank came in after a long absence from the show. The last time Frank was on was back in 1991. He's co-headlining with David Brenner down in Atlantic City sometime in the near future. When Frank came in Fred was just finishing up his penis measurement. Robin had everyone's measurements. Howard and the gang tried to guess which measurements matched up with which person. Here's how they measured up:
- Jackie - 5¼''
- Gary - 5 5/8''
- Howard - 6''
- Fred - 6½''
Howard wasn't surprised that Jackie was the smallest. He was surprised that he was 6'' though.
Frank hung around and talked about the good old days when he boxed Geraldo Rivera on Howard's show back in 1991. Howard also played tape of Franks parents fighting on his show years ago. Frank also took a guess at how many jelly beans were in the Rosie O'Donnell head in the studio. Frank guessed 1300 then changed it to 2400. Both guesses were low. Cindy the queef girl was still there so she took a guess of 3800. That was too high. Howard pointed out that Frank had a nose job but it didn't seem to be a big secret. Frank was reluctant to admit to his age but finally admitted that he's about 48. His brother is 52. Before Frank left he plugged his web site which is at www.frankstallone.com. I believe he said it's not up and running yet so don't be too upset when you head over there.
Howard's Power Ball Lottery Winnings. 7/30/98. 9:30am
Howard joined in with the E! crew and just about everyone at the radio station for the $292 Million Power Ball lottery. They won a little bit of money having 3 winning numbers on two different tickets. Each person came out with a whopping $18. The discussion about the lottery led to a discussion about how cheap Jackie is. He owns 3 homes in Bayville Long Island but according to Howard they're all dumps. He's only seen 2 of them and said that they can't be more than 1000 square feet each. Howard once rode over to visit Jackie. Jackie asked him if he wanted to see his office. Howard said sure and they hopped on their bicycles and rode over to his office house. Howard asked him today why he won't buy a nice house close to the water with an office in the same building. Jackie said he loves his house and has no reason to move. They must have spent 45 minutes talking about this stuff with Jackie. There's no changing his mind. Howard said that Stuttering John's house is nicer than Jackie's and Jackie probably makes 10 times as much money.
-- Wednesday July 29, 1998 --
Will Howard Ever Measure His Penis? 7/29/98. 7:25am
For the past three days Howard has been saying that he and the rest of the crew are going to measure the size of their penis'. Well after a lot of wasted time the only one to measure his penis was Gary. Howard got some kind of male genitalia kit for measuring and keeping track of the size of his penis. Each member has his own kit and they were going to get to it today but it just didn't happen. Howard was trying to get a woman to come in and talk dirty to him so he could get more aroused than normal. He wanted Robin Radzinski from E! to show him her breasts but she backed out. Then a woman called in and offered to do it but she never showed up. The kit suggests that the man measure his penis three times, each on separate days. Well Gary got his first measurement and today. It was between 5¼ and 5½ inches erect I believe. Howard tried to get to it again later in the morning but Francisco the Stutterer showed up so it didn't happen. He did manage to get a quick glimpse of what he might come out to but didn't get a real measurement. He claims he's over 4 inches. Tune in tomorrow to find out if it happens.
Author Michael Moynihan Calls In. 7/29/98. 8:00am
This guy Michael Moynihan called in to promote his book Lords of Chaos: The Bloody Rise of the Satanic Metal Underground. The book is about these ''Black Metal'' rock bands who kill stuff. The stories and pictures in the book are very graphic. The bands he talks about are from Norway and Sweden. The stories that Howard brought up were pretty fucked up. In Norway they don't have a death penalty so the people in these bands have killed people and got only 25 years in jail. One guy killed a gay guy in a park for no reason and then later blew his head off. The other band members found him and instead of running out to call an ambulance they ran down to the local convenience store to get film. They took pictures, which are in Moynihan's book, and used one for the cover of their next album. I think Moynihan said the band members also used some of the splattered body parts for jewelry! If you want to see some of these sick pictures then buy the book, it's only about $13.
Arthur The Farter Calls In. 7/29/98. 8:25am
Howard was going through some phone calls when he came across Arthur. Arthur claimed that he could fart 450 times in a row. Howard told him to let them rip. Arthur was blasting away while Howard took some other phone calls. Gary was in the background keeping track of the count. He managed to get out about 60 some farts before he ran out. Arthur claims he can do more if he eats something so Howard invited him to come into the studio. When that happens you can read about it right here.
Francisco The Puerto Rican Stutterer Comes In. 7/29/98. 8:50am
Francisco called in yesterday stuttering up a storm. Howard immediately said that he could be a star. Francisco came in today and Howard loves what he found. He goofed around with Francisco and had him try and read a commercial. He tells Francisco that he could replace Stuttering John some day. Howard asked Francisco if he ever gets laid. I think he said that he can get laid. Howard wanted to see how he works so he had Lisa the intern come in. Howard had Francisco try and pick up Lisa. He tried to talk to her but it didn't work too well. He didn't stutter too bad when he was talking to her. He was worse when he was talking to Howard. A couple of callers said that they think Francisco is a fake but Howard assured them that he's really stuttering. Since Francisco is Puerto Rican Howard asked him if he stutters when he speaks Spanish. He didn't stutter too bad but he also doesn't speak Spanish too well. Francisco said that one of his nicknames in school was ''Hooked On Phonics''. We should be hearing more from Francisco in the near future.
-- Tuesday July 28, 1998 --
Paul Giamatti Calls In. 7/28/98. 7:05am
Paul Giamatti, who played Pig Vomit in Howard's movie ''Private Parts'', called in to promote a couple of movies he's appearing in. The biggest one is the new Steven Speilberg movie ''Saving Private Ryan''. He has a part in that which gives him about 4 minutes on screen. He's also appearing in the new movie ''The Negotiator'' which just opened recently. Paul is working on the Andy Kauffman story with Jim Carrey right now. He has a much bigger part in that movie than in these others. He also appeared in ''The Truman Show'' with Jim Carrey. One interesting fact that Howard brought up while Paul was on the phone was the fact that his father was A. Bart Giamatti. Bart Giamatti was the baseball commissioner who had to ban Pete Rose from baseball because of his gambling. Howard had an article about Pete Rose in today's newspaper where he bad mouthed the late Bart Giamatti. Howard read it to Paul and Paul couldn't believe Rose said what he said. Before Paul got off the phone Howard told him that he has a part for him in a movie he's producing. He didn't say what it was though.
Who's Better Looking Fred Or Howard? 7/28/98. 7:50am
Last week Howard and Fred were trying to find out which one of them was better looking. Most of the people who work on the show think that Howard is better looking than Fred. Fred doesn't think so. So Howard sent Mike Gange out on the street with pictures of both and asked people on the street what they thought. Well it seems that people on the street seem to vote in favor of Fred most of the time. Howard got a few votes but a lot of people found him to but just plain ugly. When some women were asked to rate the two on a scale of 1 to 10 Howard would get around a 3 and Fred would get about a 5. Howard probably thinks he's still the better looking one though.
Francisco The Puerto Rican Stutterer Calls In. 7/28/98. 8:15am
A star is born? Howard was going through a few phone callers this morning and he ran across this guy who had a major stuttering problem. He asked him a few questions and after the guy tried to answer them Howard knew he had a new star for the show. He told the Puerto Rican stutterer to come down to the studio to meet him. Howard told Stuttering John that he's fired and Francisco is hired.
Joel Ryan The Male Whore. 7/28/98. 8:20am
This guy Joel Ryan runs an escort business in Australia. As soon as Howard put him on the phone he heard Joel's other line ringing. He had Joel answer it so he could hear the conversation. It turned out to be one of Joel's female escorts. Joel claims that he makes about $80,000 a year doing this. He said he sometimes gets about 10 jobs a week at about $180 Australian dollars. That works out to be about $150 US dollars. In Australia prostitution is legal. Joel has a web site at www.heavenonearth.com.au that Howard checked out. He said that Joel isn't that great looking but the guy gets paid to get laid. Joel claims that his escort service is only heterosexual. The guys don't sleep with men. Joel says that most of the women are good looking. He claims that they get Penthouse Pets and models. He said the ugly women don't have the guts to call in and request a prostitute. He's been in business for 6 years. He has a wife and a bunch of children and they know what he does for a living. Joel claims that if someone in the U.S. prepays for one of his escorts they'll come to the states and it's legal. Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that it's not legal but Howard didn't really care. Howard talked to one of the other escorts, Steve, for a while. Steve said he gets about 5 jobs a week and has never slept with a man. He has a regular customer who has a wooden leg. He said that sometimes the women's husbands pay to watch them have sex. Howard got Joel back on the phone and talked with him for a while. Joel said he works 364 days a year and only closes on Christmas day. Make sure you check out the web site to see what the whores look like.
Author Of Lotto Edge Magazine Calls In. 7/28/98. 9:10am
Because of the popularity of this $250 million Powerball lottery going on Howard had this guy L.S. Love on. Larry Love, his real name, was giving Howard some advice on what numbers to pick and which ones not to pick to have a better chance of winning the Powerball. He had all kinds of statistics and theories for raising the chance of winning. Larry said that he's won some money but never a jackpot. His readers have hit the jackpots though so maybe he's got something there. He publishes his magazine, Lotto Edge, twice a month. You can get more information by e-mailing Larry at lottoedge@prodigy.com.
-- Monday July 27, 1998 --
Captain Janks Plays His Latest Phony Phone Call. 7/27/98. 6:25am
Phony phone caller Captain Janks has struck again. Last Friday during CNN's coverage of the Capitol building shooting Janks called in and spoke to Bernard Shaw. You can hear the call yourself over at www.captainjanks.com.
Melrose Larry Calls In. 7/27/98. 6:30am
A hoarse sounding Melrose Larry called in with tape of Pauly Shore on David Letterman's show. On the show Pauly said that he got to fly on the Bumble Bee corporate jet. This is the same jet that was offered to Howard a few months back by the 16 year old president of Bumble Bee. Howard didn't really seem to care about the tape that much. Melrose blew out his voice because he was yelling about some interview he got recently. He's sending the tape of that interview along so Howard can play it on the air sometime. Melrose started to plug his web site but Howard didn't want to hear it so he hung up on him.
Howard Comes Out Against Circumcision. 7/27/98. 7:10am
Last week Howard had a short discussion about circumcision. Over the weekend he started looking into it a little more. The things he read about and heard about made him change his views on the practice. He said that he now thinks that it's wrong for it to be done and wishes that his parents hadn't had him circumcised. The U.S. Seems to be obsessed with this practice of chopping off the male penis foreskin but the rest of the world isn't. He was talking about some study where men who were circumcised later in life gave a rating of 1 to 10 of the sensation they had before and after the operation. One guy said he went from an 11 to a 3. Howard says that a lot of people believe that circumcising is a way to keep the penis clean. According to what Howard read the foreskin has a way of self cleaning. A bunch of people called in to debate Howard on the subject but it didn't change his mind. He says that if he had a son now he wouldn't have him circumcised. People say that kids don't feel any pain but the stuff Howard read say different. They say that babies go into shock because of the pain.
Victor Fink's Beer Camp. 7/27/98. 7:40am
This guy Victor Fink started a beer camp at a singles club called Club Getaway. People can spend a weekend drinking and meeting the opposite sex for about $300. They have a bunch of different micro brewery beers to test and you can drink all you want. Howard spent a little while asking the guy how things go up there. Victor says that there are usually more women than men there and they're mostly white. People are bunked up together just like camp. There are 2 to 4 people per bunk so it's not easy to get laid in your room but it does happen. He said that the women are in their 20's to 30's and the men range from their late 20's to 40's. You can find out more at their web site www.6getaway.com. The camp is up in Connecticut and there are only a few open spaces left.
Max Baehr, The Beverly Hillbillies Jethro, Calls In. 7/27/98. 8:25am
The guy who played Jethro Bodine on The Beverly Hillbillies tv show back in the 60's called in to talk about his Beverly Hillbillies casino. Howard read a story about this recently so he wanted to know more. Max told Howard that he has plans to open a 400,000 square foot outlet mall and a 130,000 square foot casino with restaurants. This will be in Reno Nevada. The mall and casino will have a Beverly Hillbillies theme throughout. It actually sounds pretty cool. Max was on The Beverly Hillbillies for 9 years and did 274 shows. He's now 60 years old. He said he didn't make much money while working on the show. He made his millions from the movie ''Return To Macon County'' which he wrote.
Les Moonves, President Of CBS Television, Calls In. 7/27/98. 8:45am
Last week one of Mike Walker's gossip stories was about how CBS was threatening to make David Letterman get a sidekick if he didn't get better ratings. The president of CBS Television, Les Moonves, was listening to the show and couldn't believe what he heard. He thought that the Letterman story was the fake one that Mike throws in for the game. Well according to Mike it was true. Les called in this morning to say that he categorically denies that the story is true. He said that he knows everyone who is in contact with the Letterman show and no one has made any threats like that. Les said that the show could do better in the ratings but they wouldn't make him have a sidekick. Les says that the new CBS lineup for this coming season should help CBS in the ratings and that in turn will help Letterman's ratings. Howard pointed out that Les started NBC's ''Friends'' and ''E.R.'' before he was hired at CBS. Les said they have a couple of new shows that will be really good on CBS. One of them is a karate comedy. We'll have to wait and see how that show goes.
Chuck Zito Calls In. 7/27/98. 9:35am
Tough guy Chuck Zito called in to promote the fact that his show ''Oz'' starts tonight on HBO. It's a series that will run every Monday night. The show takes place inside a prison and according to Howard it's pretty intense. Chuck is probably best known for beating the crap out of Jean Claude Van Damme at Scores a while back. At one point a guy who calls himself ''Angry Black'' called in and challenged Chuck to a fight. Angry Black said he respects Chuck but he would like to fight him in a controlled environment. Chuck had to turn him down though. He said a lot of people challenge him to fights for some reason. Check your tv guide for the ''Oz'' airtime.