Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 5/4/98 to 5/8/98

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-- Friday May 8, 1998 --
• Dr. John Sarno Calls In. 5/8/98. 6:50am
  Dr. John Sarno is the Doctor who cured Howard of his back pain and his obsessive compulsive disorder. He called in to plug his book The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain. A few years ago Howard was praising this guy because he helped Howard get over his constant back pain. According to Sarno, most back pain is psychological and people can get rid of it fairly easily. Sarno was also able to help Howard get over the obsessive compulsive disorder he was suffering from back then. Howard was still praising this guy today. Robin also had good things to say about him. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from people who bought Sarno's first book, Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection, and got over their pain. Sarno says that there's a lot of unnecessary back surgery going on and you may be able to avoid it by reading his book(s).

• The Mike Walker Game. 5/8/98. 7:15am
  There weren't any special guests for today's Mike Walker gossip game. Howard talked with Mike for a short while before moving on to the game. Mike calls in each week with 4 stories from his column in the National Enquirer. One of the stories is fake and everyone tries to pick the false story. Here are this week's stories:
  1. Jim Carrey and Lauren Holly signed a love pact. They've agreed to only have sex one time a week and Jim will no longer make faces, which scared Lauren, in the mirror.
  2. Leonardo DeCaprio was approached by Weight Watchers because he's gained some weight lately.
  3. George Michael and his boyfriend were invited to stay at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch for some rest and relaxation.
  4. Jodi Foster asked Rosie O'Donnell for some parenting advice on rasing a son. This may mean that Jodi is going to have a son. Up until now she's said that she doesn't know what sex it will be.
  Jackie picked number 1 as the fake. Howard and Robin both chose number 3. Fred chose number 2. The actual false story was number 2 so Fred won.

• Veronica Webb Comes In. 5/8/98. 7:45am
  Supermodel Veronica Webb came in to plug her book Veronica Webb Sight : Adventures in the Big City. The last time she was on she refused to talk about the stuff in the book since she was working on this Life Beat thing. Today she still didn't want to talk about some of the most interesting stuff in the book. She didn't have an excuse today. Howard asked her all kinds of sex questions but she wasn't really into it. She has stuff in her book about dating Robert DeNiro but she wouldn't get into any details during the interview. She also talks about Spike Lee in the book but didn't talk much about him on the air. At one point in the interview Howard thought she was about to cry because of the questions. After Howard took a commercial break they came back and Veronica said she had to yell at Howard. Howard said she walked out of the studio because she was so upset but he talked her into coming back in. She hung around for a few minutes but ran out of the studio when Howard asked if he could put his hand on her ass.

• Green Day Performs. 5/8/98. 8:45am
  Punk rock band Green Day came in to perform their hit song ''Good Riddance(Time of Your Life)'' off of their current album Nimrod. The lead singer did an acoustic version of the song which sounded pretty good. The guys hung out for a few minutes. While they were there they compared tattoos with Howard and even took a guess at how many jelly beans are in the Rosie O'Donnell head in the studio. They guessed 2,057. According to Gary that number is incorrect. Green Day will be performing at K-Rock's ''Revenge of The Dysfunctional Family Picnic'' show at the end of May. K-Rock(WXRK) is the station Howard broadcasts from in New York. They also mentioned something about doing a tour with Mötley Crüe in the near future. Tommy Lee is still in jail so that may hold things up for a while.

• Hank The Dwarf On Front Page Of Boston Herald! 5/8/98. 9:20am
  A listener called in to tell Howard that Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf is on the front page of the Boston Herald today. Hank, as you may know, is number one in People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People Poll on their web site. Hank has over 230,000 votes and beat out Leonardo DeCaprio by 17 times or so. Howard got Hank on the phone to tell him about it but Hank really doesn't seem to care. They also had another story to tell about Hank. Hank was contacted by the people at Hard Copy. They were thinking about doing a segment about him winning the People poll but Hank ended up demanding $1 Million to appear on the show. The guy at Hard Copy told Hank that they couldn't pay him money like that so Hank said ''Fuck You! Bye!'' and hung up the phone. He really isn't thinking this through. Gary pointed out that Hank could probably get work from an appearance like that but Hank just doesn't care!

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  -- Thursday May 7, 1998 --

• Luke Perry Calls In. 5/7/98. 7:00am
  Actor Luke Perry called in to promote the fact that he's going to be in a new TV show called The Game on ABC. They shot the pilot and they're hoping that ABC will pick it up. Luke used to play Dilon on the FOX show Beverly Hills 90210. He left the show to pursue a movie acting career. Now he's back to television. He told Howard that he wanted to say different things than he was saying on 90210 so he moved on. Luke was calling the show from his bathroom so he wouldn't wake up his wife. His phone sounded pretty bad and the echo was horrible. Howard put up with it for some reason. Somehow the subject of Luke's penis came up. Howard asked him if he's circumcised or not. Luke revealed that he is not circumcised. Howard then asked him a bunch of questions about hygiene when you have that foreskin. Howard has heard stories about people who've had problems with that area. Luke said he's never had a problem with it. Howard also wondered if women were surprised when they see it. Luke didn't say that any of them have been surprised.

• Donald Trump Calls In. 5/7/98. 7:30am
  Millionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump called in to promote his Miss Universe pageant. The pageant will be on CBS next Tuesday, May 12. Trump owns the pageant so who better to promote it than the man himself. Howard and Trump talked about how the women on the Miss Universe pageant are better looking than the women on the Miss America pageant. With the Miss America pageant they find women who are smart and fairly good looking. On the Miss Universe pageant they don't look for rocket scientists, only great looking women. Trump calls the Miss Universe pageant ''totally politically incorrect..'' ant that's the way it should be. Howard pointed out the fact that Donald owns a hell of a lot of apartment buildings in New York City. Howard has been looking for an apartment for himself so he can crash there once in a while. He said almost every one he looked at was owned by Trump. Trump told Howard that they'd love to have him in their building and he'd make sure he would get in. What a guy. Howard also brought up Donald's ex-wife Marla Maples and her horrible acting on The Nanny TV show. Howard figured that he could bring that up now that the two of them have divorced. Donald didn't seem to mind it. He didn't bad mouth her too bad.

• Quentin Tarantino Calls In. 5/7/98. 8:00am
  Actor/Director Quentin Tarantino called in to give his side of a story that was reported in the New York Post recently. Quentin explained what the article said and then gave his side of the story. From what I could tell it sounds like the Post basically called Quentin a racist and got the story wrong about a fight he got into at a club. The article said that Quentin was making fun of a black guy who he was sitting with and they got into a minor brawl. Quentin's story was a bit different. He says that he was with this black couple. During their time together the black guy and Quentin were talking about features that different races have and don't have. Somehow Quentin and the guy got in an argument about whether or not black people have prominent features. The black guy asked Quentin to show him a black feature so Quentin stuck his fingers in his nose and flattened it out. Keep in mind that everyone was pretty drunk during this discussion. Quentin and the guy kept talking about all of this and eventually when they were leaving the club the shit hit the fan. The black guy was hanging over Quentin while he was sitting down. Quentin told him to back off and the guy said ''Make me''. That set Quentin off and he tried to punch him. Since he was drunk he didn't hit that hard. The black guy tried to hit him back but also missed because he was drunk. That was pretty much it. Quentin said he's not mad at the guy but he's mad at the New York Post for the story they printed. A little while after telling the story the club owner called in to confirm Quentin's story. So that was that. Howard and Quentin spent a bit more time talking about other things. One subject was Mira Sorvino, Quentin's ex-girlfriend. It's rumored that Mira is now dating Kevin Costner. Quentin, being the strange guy that he is, gave a coded message to Mira over the air. He just said ''Naturalism lessons''. Howard had a couple of coded messages for Mira also. His were ''Waterworld'' and ''The Postman'', two Costner films that sucked. The subject of Spike Lee also came up real quick. Quentin has a problem with Spike because Spike bad mouthed him one time. Spike thinks that Quentin uses the word ''nig*er'' too much in his movies. They didn't spend much time talking about Spike because it's not worth it.

• Melrose Larry Green Comes In. 5/7/98. 8:45am
  For some reason Howard let Melrose Larry come up to do a minute of his lame stand-up comedy routine. Somehow he's managed to become the opening act for comedian Jackie Mason. Larry has opened for Mason in 5 different cities. The only problem is that Melrose sucks. Howard played tape of one of his opening acts and it didn't get one single laugh. Larry did a few really bad Jewish jokes and one Clinton joke that all bombed. His Clinton impression really blew. After that Howard brought up Larry's so called girlfriend. It turns out that this ''girlfriend'' doesn't sleep with Larry much if at all. Larry keeps her supplied with an apartment and a cellular phone. Larry inherited a couple of million dollars when his mother died and how he's using it to buy a girlfriend. I bet his mother would be proud.

• Bad Breath Doctor John Richter Calls In. 5/7/98. 9:15am
  This Doctor sells some kind of a kit for testing and cleaning up people's breath. He told Howard that bad breath is caused by bacteria on the back of the tongue. He said that dental hygiene doesn't affect the bacteria that causes bad breath. Howard found that hard to believe. Howard said that he stopped his bad breath with proper brushing. Howard didn't spend too much time with this guy. After he said that brushing your teeth doesn't help your breath Howard pretty much gave up on him. You can order this bad breath kit by calling 1-800-210-2110 or check out his web site: www.profresh.com. After the phone call the subject of Gary's bad breath came up. Howard has always complained about Gary's shit breath on the air. Gary once explained his brushing routine and it's very involved. Today he went over it once again. He uses everything from Stimu-Dent to a Water Pik with peroxide in the water. I think Gary may eventually bring in his bag of goodies to demonstrate his habits some day. Howard told him that he doesn't need the Water Pik. That thing just squirts water around your mouth.

• Air Compressor Fart Guy Calls In. 5/7/98. 9:50am
  This guy called in yesterday. He said that he can create farts by putting the hose of an air compressor up his ass and pumping air into himself. Please don't try this at home. His air compressor was broken yesterday so he called back today to demonstrate. Well, it works. He pumped some air up his ass and had some nasty long farts to blow over the phone. Howard told him to come down to the studio sometime to demonstrate it in person. That should be interesting.

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  -- Wednesday May 6, 1998 --

• McGinty Beats Sliwinski In Cuyahoga County. 5/6/98. 6:05am
  Howard's push to get Judge McGinty voted out of his position failed. Last week Howard started to back Ted Sliwinski for the democratic primaries which were held yesterday. McGinty won with 74,577 votes to Sliwinski's 32,414. Howard said that's okay because now he's going to back the woman who will be running against McGinty in the November elections. Her name is Marsha Lewecki. Howard will probably start to push for her election starting in a few months. Howard is doing all of this because McGinty bad mouthed Howard and his fans during the trial of the guy who cut the wires during Howard's Cleveland funeral celebration.

• Jill Cohen, Pez Collector, Calls In. 5/6/98. 7:15am
  This woman Jill who collects Pez candy dispensers called in to promote a Pez convention she's a part of. Jill has over 700 pez dispensers and knows way too much about them. Howard spent a few minutes interviewing her about the little collectibles. Jill said she once paid $800 for one dispenser! If you'd like to find out more about these little plastic things check out her web site at www.yippeee.com. The convention is going to be held in Cleveland on July 17 and 18. Two days? How much could there be to see at a Pez convention?

• The Stripper Game. 5/6/98. 7:30am
  Here's the latest stripper game. Howard had 2 people play the game. The object of the game is to guess whether or not the stripper will answer her questions correctly. Today's stripper was Kendra from Scores. The first guy was supposed to play for the chance to meet Van Halen but he wasn't excited enough so he played for a CD six pack. Howard let the guy hear a few sample questions before playing so here they are:

  Question	Answer	Correct?
  Who is Hillary Clinton married to?	President Clinton	Y
  What is President Clinton's full name?	Bob Clinton	N
  If Tiffany needs $600 for rent and she gets $20 per lap dance, how many lap dances does she need to do to get $600?	Thirty lap dances	Y

  The guy then had to get 3 out of 5 questions correct. Here were his questions:

  Question	Caller Says	Stripper Answer	Correct Answer?
  Name one borough in New York City	Y	Queens	Y
  Where does pork come from?	Y	Pigs	Y
  How many members were in the Beatles?	N	Five	N

  Obviously he won so Howard picked up a second caller and she played for the Van Halen prize. She also had to get 3 out of 5 correct. She actually got 4 correct but they messed up counting. Here were her questions:

  Question	Caller Says	Stripper Answer	Correct Answer?
  What vegetable are pickles made from?	Y	Cucumber	Y
  What is the drinking age in New York?	Y	Twenty one	Y
  How many cards are in a deck?	Y	Fifty two	Y
  What are the two most popular political parties in the U.S.?	N	Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton	N

  After the woman won her prize Howard and the rest of the crew played and bet on the rest of the questions. Here they are:

  Question	Stripper Answer	Correct?
  Who is the Vice President of the U.S.?	George Washington	N
  What is a carnivore?	Someone who doesn't know the answer to the question they're being asked	N
  How many dimes are in a dollar?	Ten	Y
  What tall building in New York City has the initials W.T.C.?	Watson Tower Central	N
  Who was the first President of the U.S.?	George Washington	Y
  Where is the capital of the U.S.?	New York City	N
  How many years are in a decade?	Ten	Y
  How many months in a year?	Twelve	Y
  How many years until 1999?	Three.. oh shit two	N
  Who owned the U.S. before 1776?	The Indians	N
  Name one computer company.	Apple	Y
  What was Popeye's girlfriend's name?	Louise	N
  What was Mohammed Ali famous for?	Sex	N
  How many states are in the U.S.?	Fifty two	N
  What is H2O?	Water	Y
  What is paper made out of?	Trees	Y
  Please point to your proboscis.	Stomach	N
  Name your five senses.	Nose, ears, eyes, teeth..	N
  If you bumped your cranium where would you hurt?	Buttocks?	N
  Name a country in Europe.	France	Y
  What does CD stand for?	Cineplex...[unintelligible because of Jackie's laugh]	N
  Who is the leader of Cuba?	Saddam Hussein	N
  What was the Hindenberg?	An ice berg	N
  Who was hit on the head with an apple and discovered gravity?	Christopher Columbus	N
  What are the Wright brothers famous for?	The plane	Y
  What is Affirmative Action?	When you stand tall	N
  What is ten percent of 100?	Ten	Y
  Who is Bruce Wayne's alter-ego?	His father	N

• Howard Smells His Underwear!? 5/6/98. 9:25am
  This may have been the most disturbing revelation Howard has ever admitted to. Howard just blurted out that he enjoys the stink of is underwear after a workout. He explained how he likes to smell the part of the underwear that sits between his testicles and his asshole, also known as the 'taint. Not long after Howard admitted to that Gary said that he enjoys his stink also. He said he doesn't put it up to his face and smell it but if he catches a whiff it's not that bad. That led into a talk about how Gary used to collect his boogers in a ''booger box'' when he was younger. Gary said he didn't collect them, he just did it once as a goof. He's such a monkey. I wonder if he picks through his wife's hair for bugs like a chimpanzee. Howard said that he doesn't tell his psychiatrist about this because it's too embarrassing. He just told millions of fans but he won't tell his shrink?

• Jackie The JokeMan On Hard Copy And/Or Extra Tonight. 5/6/98. 10:00am
  A listener called in to let people know that Jackie is supposed to be on Extra tonight. I also heard a promo for Hard Copy and they're covering him too. Tune in to both to see Jackie telling jokes years ago.

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  -- Tuesday May 5, 1998 --

• Stormin Norman Live From Cuyahoga County. 5/5/98. 6:50am
  Stormin Norman, Howard's Cleveland reporter, called in real quick from the Democratic Primaries. Howard has been pushing this guy Ted Sliwinski for Judge. The current judge, McGinty, bad mouthed Howard and his fans after a trial for the guy who cut some wires during Howard's Cleveland celebration show. Howard didn't spend too much time with this. He only spoke with one or two people on the phone. Stormin said that he took a poll and it seems like people didn't know what a douche this McGinty guy is.

• Lars Ulrich From Metallica Calls In. 5/5/98. 7:35am
  Lars Ulrich, drummer for Metallica, called in with a concert announcement today. Metallica will be coming to New York on July 17 so he was on to promote that. He was calling in from Tokyo Japan. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Lars about his gorgeous girlfriend Skylar. It turns out that Lars stole her away from Matt Damon. Damon is the guy who wrote and starred in Good Will Hunting. Damon mentioned losing the love of his life to a rock star in an interview a while back. Robin figured out that it was Lars at the time. Lars said that he met Matt after that interview and he actually turned out to be a good guy. He said that Skylar and Matt still talk once in a while though. Lars is pretty confident that he doesn't have to worry about losing her to Matt.

• Chicago Gets E! Entertainment On TCI Cable. 5/5/98. 7:55am
  Howard made a quick mention of the fact that TCI Cable in Chicago added E! Entertainment to its lineup as of May 1, 1998. That's good news for all of the Chicago fans out there. Make sure you check my E! show schedule and tune in at 10:00 your time to see it!

• Jeopardy: Dominic VS Robin & A Fan. 5/5/98. 8:15am
  Last week a listener by the name of Neil called in and challenged Robin to a game of Jeopardy. He offered $200 as a bet. A little while later Dominic Barbara, bloated attorney, called in and said he'd play. He offered to be weighed if he lost to Robin. They took him up on his offer and set the game up for today. Of course Dominic was late coming in this morning so Howard threatened to cancel the game and just weigh Dominic. That didn't happen though. Howard talked with Dominic about this new drug Viagra that Dominic tried over the weekend. The drug helps men get erections. Dominic droned on and on and made stupid jokes about the drug. To make a long story short, Dominic loved Viagra and nailed his wife 4 times over the weekend plus one masturbating session. After talking about Viagra they moved on to the game of Jeopardy.

  Neil, Dominic and Robin played a real game of Jeopardy with categories like Body & Health, Trade Names, Toys & Games, Buildings & Places and Matrimony. Robin ended up winning the game pretty easily. Dominic had a very low score, not even close to winning. I believe Neil had a score of $1600 and Robin had $3500. There was no way Neil could have won as long as Robin didn't bet any money and lose. They just kind of ended the game without any big Final Jeopardy question. Dominic lost so he had to get weighed in after Howard took a break...

• Dominic Barbara Gets Weighed! 5/5/98. 9:10am
  After losing to Robin at Jeopardy Dominic Barbara had to get on a scale so everyone could find out just how bloated he is. Everyone bet $100 each on what the scale would say. They had to come the closest without going over. Here's how everyone bet:
  • Stuttering John - 280 Pounds
  • Robin - 315 Pounds
  • Tom Chiusano - 295 Pounds
  • Howard - 295 Pounds
  • Jackie - 290 Pounds
  • Fred - 340 Pounds
  • Gary - 304 Pounds
  Gary had put some extra weight on the scale so they could slowly reveal how much Dominic actually weighed. It started out well over 300 pounds. By the time Gary had removed the extra weight the scale showed 281 pounds worth of 5'11'' Dominic Barbara. Stuttering John was thrilled that he won. He wasn't even playing with his own money! He'd just borrowed it from Robin so he said he'd split the winnings with her.

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  -- Monday May 4, 1998 --

• Dominic Barbara Tries Viagra. 5/4/98. 6:15am
  Bloated Attorney, Dominic Barbara, called Howard over the weekend. He got a prescription for this new drug Viagra which helps men get erections. Dominic told Howard that it was great. Within an hour he had a boner as hard as steel. Howard had Dominic on the phone this morning to talk about the whole thing. Dominic said that he was able to orgasm 5 times between Saturday and Sunday. His wife was loving it. Dominic said Viagra must be better than every drug out there. Gary said that someone is sending him some but he may not try it. Last week he had planned to have all of the guys in the studio try it but Howard and Jackie both backed out of it. That's right, Jackie backed out! He'll smoke pot all day long but he won't take the boner drug, go figure.

• The Stripper Game Continued. 5/4/98. 7:30am
  Howard started this game on Friday but didn't have time to finish it. The stripper being interviewed may be one of the dumbest people ever interviewed for this game. Check last Friday's news for the first set of questions and you'll see how uneducated she is. Howard started off today's game with one player. The guy had to get 3 out of 5 questions to win a bunch of CD's and stuff. Here were his set of questions:

  Question	Caller Says	Stripper Answer	Correct Answer?
  What is the anus?	Y	A crater on the moon	N
  Where does milk come from?	Y	A cow	Y
  What tall building in New York has the initials WTC?	N	Washington State Building	N
  Is the current Mayor of New York City white or black?	Y	White	Y

  The caller won his stuff so Howard and the gang bet on the rest of the answers. Here are the rest of the questions:

  Question	Stripper Answer	Correct?
  Where is the capital of the U.S. located?	Trenton	N
  Name one computer company.	IBM	Y
  How many years are in a decade?	One hundred	N
  How many months in a year?	Twelve	Y
  How many years until 1999?	Half a year	Y
  Who owned the United States before 1776?	The Pilgrims	N
  What was Popeye's girlfriend's name?	Olive Oyl	Y
  If I had three apples and I gave you one how many would you have?	One	Y
  Mohammed Ali was best known for what?	Boxing	Y
  How many states are in the U.S.?	Fifty one	N
  What country do Chinese people come from?	China	Y
  What is H2O?	Agua	Y
  What do you call a woman married to a King?	Princess	N
  What animal has babies called kittens?	Cat	Y
  Please point to your proboscis.	It's a muscle in your forceps	N
  Name your five senses.	Smell, touch, taste, feel and taste again	N
  If you bump your cranium where do you hurt?	Your head	Y
  Name a country in Europe.	Caprecio	N
  What does CD stand for?	Circular Disc	N
  What is the square root of 100?	Ten	Y
  What is 10 percent of 100?	Ninety	N

• Museum Of Menstruation Owner Calls In. 5/4/98. 8:10am
  This guy Harry Findley was on the phone with Howard. Harry is the proprietor of The Museum Of Menstruation. The museum is in his 300 square foot basement so don't look for it near the Smithsonian. Harry told Howard about a bunch of the displays he has in his museum. They include very old boxes of feminine hygiene products and mannequins wearing maxi-pads. Surprisingly Harry isn't married! He's 55 years old and collects tampons and pads! None items he has are used, they're all basically new in the box. He knows quite a bit about the history of feminine hygiene. More than I care to know. He said that the first commercial tampons came out in the 1930's. Before that women used to use everything from lint to cotton rags. Yes, I did say lint. Harry said that in 1550 BC women used to use lint to catch the blood. If you'd like to learn more about all of this you can check out his web site at www.mum.org or you can call him to make an appointment to visit the museum at 301-459-4450.

• Gary Garver Interviews From NASCAR 50th Anniversary Party. 5/4/98. 9:10am
  Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing people at some NASCAR 50th Anniversary party. Garver is a guy from KLSX out in Los Angeles who does Stuttering John-like interviews. Gary interviewed Kerry Strugg, James Woods, Robert Goulet, Richard Petty, Sister Sledge, John Schneider and James Garner. Most of the interviews were quick ones except for John Schneider. Schneider, star of ''The Dukes Of Hazzard'', was more than happy to answer a bunch of questions. Most of the questions were generic that they used for each interview. Here are a few examples:
  • Is racing sexist because there are not that many women in the sport?
  • What do you do to support gays who want to join the Boy Scouts?
  • Is penis size important?
  • Would Rodney King make a good race car driver?
  Most of the people would answer one or two questions, laugh and run away. John Schneider took each question seriously and answered each one. He got questions like this:
  • Why are so many yahoo's from the south race car drivers?
  • Why are there so many Jews in the music business?
  • Do you ever give yourself a self examination for testicular cancer?
  Schneider loved the attention and answered each one. After that one there was James Garner who hates Howard. Gary Garver didn't waste any of the generics on Garner. He went for the jugular and asked ''Are you gracious that Howard Stern hasn't destroyed you?'' then asked ''Are you afraid of Howard Stern?''. Garner came over and said ''I hate assholes and you're the biggest..'' and walked away. Howard thought that was the funniest interview he's heard.