Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 5/25/98 to 5/29/98

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-- Friday May 29, 1998 --
• Howard's Tribute To Phil Hartman. 5/29/98. 6:05am
  Yesterday actor/comedian Phil Hartman was killed by his wife who also took her own life. Howard did an interview with Phil and his wife Brynn for E! back in 1992. The interview is rare because it's the only one where they're interviewed together. That show will air at 11:00pm tonight on E!. Howard played some audio clips from that show that were kind of eerie. This marriage was Phil's third so Howard was asking Phil about his previous two. Phil was saying how his wives would go crazy for some reason. If he had only known that this one would do the same.. Howard got to kiss Brynn during the interview with Phil sitting there. Howard played a few clips and said that it's a shame he's dead. The guy was really talented. Howard said that a lot of people are trying to get copies of this E! tape to use on their shows. He said he wants to hold out for a lot of money though. Tune in to E! tonight to see this rare interview.

• Howard's Station Change In San Jose. 5/29/98. 7:40am
  Howard made a quick mention of the fact that KOME in San Jose will not be carrying his show anymore. The show will be moving to KITS 105.3, Live 105, in San Francisco starting next Monday.

• The Mike Walker Game With Jaid Barrymore. 5/29/98. 9:00am
  Jaid Barrymore, Drew Barrymore's mother, came in to play the Mike Walker gossip game. Howard spent a short time talking to Jaid before getting to the game. You may recall that last week Mike Walker failed to call in. Today he explained that because he was in London his time schedule was all screwed up so he just forgot to call in. Howard and Mike spoke a little bit about the whole Phil Hartman thing. Howard told Mike about the 1992 interview he did with him and Mike told him it's worth a lot of money. He told him to hold out for a lot but realized that he works for a company that might be interested in the tape. They eventually moved on to the game so here it is. Mike reads 4 gossip stories and one of them is fake. Try to pick the fake one:
  1. John Travolta did a magic trick and made a marble disappear for his son. The marble ended up stuck in Travolta's nose so he had to call a doctor to remove it.
  2. Psycho killer and big fan of The Spice Girls, Charles Manson, said that he would voluntarily kill himself if the Spice Girls would just come and see him in prison. The Spice Girls representatives said they will not be visiting him.
  3. While Rosie O'Donnell was showing her son how to bounce on a trampoline she bounced off and in fell into some bushes. She ended up with bad scratches on her arms.
  4. Sharon Stone helped raise $1 million for an AIDS charity over in France by dancing like a stripper. She commented that it should have been $3 million because she wasn't wearing any panties.
  Jaid picked number 1 as the fake. Robin and Jackie picked number 3. Howard and Fred both picked number 2. The actual fake story was number 4.

  After the game Jaid hung around to talk to Howard. Jaid is a busy woman. She said she's done 3 movies recently and has 2 more lined up. One of her movies, ''The Last Days Of Disco'', opens this weekend. Jaid spent a bit of time talking about how her daughter Drew won't talk to her for some reason. The two of them grew apart and now Drew won't return letters or phone calls. Jaid started crying about it at one point during the interview. One of the most upsetting things about Drew is that she got back together with her father who left the family when she was young. She can forgive that but for some reason she won't forgive Jaid. Jaid asked Howard what she should do to get together with Drew but Howard didn't really have any suggestions. Jaid wants Drew to come on Howard's show with her but Drew is afraid to. Maybe some day the two of them will come on together and make up.

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  -- Thursday May 28, 1998 --

• The Losers Rehearse ''These Boots Are Made For Walking''. 5/28/98. 6:20am
  In a couple of weeks Nancy Sinatra is coming in to perform her song ''These Boots Are Made For Walking'' so Howard and his band, The Losers, are going to back her up. The Losers change band members often. Howard kicked Stuttering John out of the band this morning so the line up was:
  • Howard - Keyboards
  • Fred - Bass
  • Jackie - Guitar
  • Scott The Engineer - Drums
  • Robin - Lead Singer
  They played the song and Robin's tried to sing. She really shouldn't sing on the air. The music was okay but not that great. Gary came in after the song was over and said it sounded like polka music. Most of the calls Howard took from listeners were negative. There were a couple of people who said they sounded great though. They must have been deaf. Later in the show someone suggested that they have Gary sing a song like ''These Teeth Are Made For Chomping'' to the tune of ''These Boots Are Made For Walking''. Within a matter of seconds the song was written by Jackie and/or Fred. The Losers played while Gary sang and it was much better than Robin's awful singing.

• Dr. Remulak Checks In. 5/28/98. 7:35am
  This guy Dr. Remulak calls Howard's station and just repeats ''I am Dr. Remulac'' over and over. He won't answer questions unless Stuttering John asks them. He's been on the air a couple of times in the past. Howard was asking this guy the same questions he asked the last time he was on. Remulak wouldn't answer Howard or Robin but if John asked him he would give an answer. There really wasn't anything new revealed today. John said that this guy hasn't called in for quite a while but Remulak wouldn't say why that was. He did say that he doesn't call in on Mondays because that's the day he has to touch fire hydrants. Some listener called in claiming that he could cure Dr. Remulak by hypnotizing him over the phone. Needless to say it didn't work. Dr. Remulak rattled of a bunch of ''I am Dr. Remulac'' lines and hung up the phone.

• Gary Garver Interviews Leonard Nimoy. 5/28/98. 8:05am
  Howard played tape of Gary Garver's one on one interview with Leonard Nimoy. Nimoy is promoting some new book or something so Gary got a special one on one interview. Garver was left alone in a room with Nimoy to do a 10 minute interview. The first thing Gary brought up was Nimoy's old tv show ''In Search Of''. He asked him if he'd ever do a show like that again. Nimoy said ''no'' and got off of that subject. Garver then asked him ''If you could clone someone who would it be?''. Nimoy went off on another subject and said he didn't want to answer questions like that. Then Baba Booey said that he had to cut down Nimoy's rambling speech because it went on for 7 minutes uninterrupted. Baba Booey cut the rambling down to about a minute and a half. It was basically Leonard Nimoy analyzing stupid crap. After the rambling Garver asked Nimoy ''Is your penis pointed like your ears?'' in reference to Nimoy's Mr. Spock character on Star Trek. Nimoy asked Garver to repeat the question and then said ''Let's call off this interview'' and thanked Garver for his time. It was great.

• ''Best Ass'' Chick Doesn't Show Up. 5/28/98. 8:15am
  A woman who called in the other day said that she has the best ass ever seen. She was supposed to come down and get evaluated by a panel of judges today but she never showed up. Later in the show Gary said that the woman was involved in a car accident so she'll come in at a later date. The panel of judges were all there so Howard had them come in anyway. The three judges were Ralph, King Of All Blacks and Mike The Stutterer. Mike is new to the show. He's unique because he's black and stutters. It sounded like he might end up being a good guest but the guy barely spoke the whole time he was there. The few things we did learn about him were that he's 34 and makes $6 and hour working as a delivery man who doesn't even drive the truck. He was very quiet and had a hard time answering questions. King Of All Blacks was goofing on Mike and Ralph the whole time. He's good at making fun of everyone. KOAB is a garbage man. He claims that he makes $48,000 a year and lives in a white neighborhood. Some people who called in said that he's lying about those two things though. They say he can't be making that much money and that the town where he lives is 75% black. Howard found out that Stuttering Mike may be a virgin so he had Penthouse Pet Amy Lynn come in so he could see her. Amy came in and after some begging from Howard she flashed Mike one of her breasts. Mike liked that. KOAB said that he's trying to put together a cable access show about cars. He said that he needs camera men and lighting people to help him out. He gave out his phone number so people can contact him. The number is 201-568-4290. Amy Lynn stuck after Howard got done with the panel of judges.

• Amy Lynn Comes In. 5/28/98. 8:35am
  Howard's favorite Penthouse Pet\ex-stripper, Amy Lynn, had a very interesting story to tell today. Amy explained how she was auditioning for the part of a mistress opposite Robert DeNiro. She went to do the audition at DeNiro's office yesterday and it turned out to be a one on one thing. Normally the director would be at the audition to see how the two of them work together. To make a long story short, DeNiro brushed his teeth, sat on the couch with Amy and started to do some lines. Amy suggested they lay down like they would do in the film. They did that and DeNiro basically dry humped Amy for 5 minutes. She told Howard how he was on top of her moving his hips around simulating sex while doing his lines. Howard found this fascinating. He wanted a demonstration between himself and Amy. Amy laid on the floor and Howard got into position and Amy showed him what was done. It wasn't sexual enough for Howard so Amy ended up coming back over and I believe her top came off. Amy said that she didn't get the part. She said that she doesn't think DeNiro did anything wrong and if he had she would have been out of there. Amy's got a couple of other things going on also. She's the Say Yes Milk spokesperson and she has a tv show called ''Cocktails with Gilbert Stafford and Amy Lynn'' that airs on Miami USA Network. She said there's a web site but couldn't remember the address. Amy did a Say Yes Milk commercial with Howard during one of the breaks. After the break Dominic Barbara called in. He claims that he auditioned for a part in the same movie Amy was reading for. He claims that when he auditioned a couple of weeks ago the part was already filled for Amy's part so she was just going through the motions for no reason. Amy explained that the woman who was supposed to take the part had to drop out so they were doing more auditions. Dominic didn't get the part he read for either. Amy hung around a while and told a story about how she was embarrassed at an airport when the x-ray picked up her big vibrator. Security had to open her suitcase and take it out to be sure it wasn't a gun or a bomb. That story came up after Amy said that she hasn't had sex in over a year.

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  -- Wednesday May 27, 1998 --

• Gary The Retard Goes To Scores. 5/27/98. 6:15am
  Howard played tape of Gary The Retard getting a lap dance at Scores. After Gary did the show last time Benjy the intern took him around town and to Scores to show him a good time. Howard thought that Gary the 'tard sounded like Frankenstein because of the way he was moaning and grunting. Once in a while he'd throw in a ''yeah, baby'' with the grunts. Howard liked it so much he played it two times today.

• Guy Who Rapes His Sister Calls In. 5/27/98. 7:25am
  Howard took a call from this guy who said that he raped his sister. Well that's not exactly what he does. He has sex with his sister but she doesn't object. They pretend like it's rape as a game but they both consent to have sex. He's 38 and his sister is 28. She's 5'8'' tall, 120 pounds with a 38 C-cup. They've been doing this for 5 or 6 years! The guy said that they smoke some pot before doing it to loosen up. The sister was there with the guy so Howard spoke to her a little bit also. She confirmed everything the guy said. The guy mentioned that they have some club called BASIL(Brothers and Sisters In Love). Howard took some calls from other listeners who called these two freaks. The two of them are going to come down to the studio be part of a game. I think they're going to have a bunch of couples and a special panel of people will have to try and pick the real incest couple.

• Joan Rivers Calls In. 5/27/98. 7:45am
  Comedian Joan Rivers called in to tell Howard that she was kicked off the ''Good Morning America'' tv show. They asked her down to comment on the Ellis Island controversy between New York and New Jersey but when she told them what some of her jokes would be about they said that they don't do that type of humor at 7:00 in the morning. Howard invited Joan to be one of the panel for the incest couple game. I think she laughed that off without saying she'd do it.

• Gaytanic Movie Parody Premieres. 5/27/98. 8:20am
  Last week Howard was hyping his new movie parody ''Gaytanic'' starring Out Of The Closet Stern (Howard) and Blackswell (Fred). ''Gaytanic'' is a parody of ''Titanic'' of course. The story was kind of like Titanic but with more homo jokes. Actually every joke was a gay joke. At the end OoTC Stern gives his life to save Blackswell by letting him sit on his face to keep afloat. There was also a song parody of the theme to Titanic to go along with the parody. The words to that went something like ''In...Out...the pain makes me shout...''

• Dr. Richard Schultz Calls In. 5/27/98. 8:25am
  This guy claims that his herbal treatments turned some of his gay patients straight. In his 18 years of practicing herbal medicine he said that about 50 patients went from being gay to being heterosexual. He explained how his special herbal diet balances your hormones. That's how he explained changing people's sexuality. He gave an example of a semi-famous actor who went from being gay to dating women after being ''cleansed'' with the herbal diet. Dr. Schultz is no longer in practice but he does have a product catalog that you can get by calling 1-800-HERBDOC. Howard took some calls for the doc but most of them were negative. They basically called him a quack. The doctor said that his brother is a transvestite so maybe it can't cure everyone.

• Web Site Of The Day - www.blackplague.org. 5/27/98. 9:40am
  While Robin was reading a news story she mentioned that this web site www.blackplague.org had a page praising the kid in Oregon who killed his parents and classmates. Howard decided to check it out to see what it was all about. The site has things like executions, 2 headed babies, cannibalism and other disgusting stuff. Check it out if you dare.

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  -- Tuesday May 26, 1998 --

• Here's What Happened With Hank And Bob Last Night On WWF Wrestling. 5/26/98.
  Here's the lowdown on the Hank/Crackhead Bob appearance from last night. The Jackyl, who has a gimmick of being a cult leader-David Koresh type, came out with Hank and Crackhead Bob. Bob was having a hard time walking, as the Jackyl was holding him up a bit. Hank and Bob came out a great reaction, the fans seemed to like them a lot. However, since the RAW was in a non-Stern market (Chattanooga, TN), I couldn't understand the reaction. Since the Jackyl is "bad guy", Crackhead and Hank made a little faux pax by hi-fiving the fans. Once in the ring, Hank and Bob were introduced... I found it humorous that Jackyl called Bob "Robert" when Bob isn't Crackhead's real name to begin with. We then hear a tirade from Hank, and then Bob settles into the broadcast position with Jim Ross and fires off most of his catch phrases. Overall, it was entertaining, but I don't think it's going to be a regular thing.

  Thanks to Zen for the story!

• Tom Chiusano, The Stupid General Manager. 5/26/98. 6:05am
  Howard had proof of just how dumb Tom Chiusano can be. This morning Howard's face was on the front page of the New York Daily News with the headline ''Crazed Fan Indicted In Stern Death Threat''. According to the article a guy by the name of Michael Carvin was indicted for sending threatening letters. Howard said that his name wasn't mentioned in the indictment but when someone from the press contacted Tom he confirmed that the letters were addressed to Howard. Howard said that Tom was told not to talk to the press but he just couldn't keep his mouth shut. Howard didn't want to talk about what was going on but since it made the headlines he broke down and talked. He said that since he didn't know it was going to make the news he hadn't told his parents or his kids. Now he'll have to try and explain it all to them. According to the Daily News article this guy Michael Carvin sent threatening letters about Howard and his wife Alison. Pretty scary stuff.

• Author Harland Miller Calls In. 5/26/98. 7:35am
  This guy called in to plug his book Make Yourself Ready; Preparing to Meet the King. Harland is a Pastor out in Pennsylvania somewhere with a following of about 20 people. In the book he says that around the year 2000 or so horrible things are going to happen. He says that women will be eating their own babies and 1 out of 2 people will die. He also says that Jesus will return and everyone will have to visit him once a year in Jerusalem or they will die by drowning or starvation. When Robin asked him what people have to do to save themselves Harland said ''Love God with all your heart''.. Blah, blah, blah. A few listeners called in to yell at the guy and call him stupid. There were also a couple of people who agreed with some of what the guy was saying. Howard said that he doesn't believe that any of this crap will happen. Robin suggested that they invite the guy to come back on the show in the year 2004 to prove him wrong. You can find out more about this nut on his web site www.ehope.com.

• Benjy The Scary Intern. 5/26/98. 8:20am
  Howard learned some interesting stuff from Benjy the wacky intern this morning. Howard brought up the fact that Benjy shaved his head bald. Benjy explained that he did it to make it easier to get going in the morning. He doesn't have a shower where he lives. He lives in a business office because he can't afford to rent a real apartment. He showers at some gym he knows of. They brought up a few other strange things that he does. Benjy knows a lot of places where he can get stuff free. Since he doesn't have a tv he knows where to go to watch it. He also knows where to go to use the internet free. Recently when Gary gave him a porno tape to watch he went to the library and watched it! He'll even sink so low as to go to a homeless food line to get a free meal. I guess that's what people are willing to do just so they can work for Howard as an unpaid intern.

• The Dumbest Game Ever Created. 5/26/98. 8:25am
  There's a new guy working on the show by the name of KC. It turns out that KC has the title of Associate Producer. He was hired to help book guests and write for the show. Well his latest idea turned out to be a nightmare. He came up with a game that's hard to explain but I'll try. KC gave Howard, Jackie, Robin and Fred a questionnaire with a bunch of questions. KC's plan was to read off an answer to a question and have everyone guess who the answer came from. There were some flaws in the game that showed up immediately. The biggest problem was that if the person knew it was their own answer they could win by guessing correctly. KC would read an answer like ''The weirdest place this person ever masturbated in was a public restroom'' and everyone would guess who that person was. It turned out to be Gary. He spanked one off in a restroom after his girlfriend got him all revved up by telling him what she was going to do to him that night. The only good part of this game was finding out some of the strange shit these guys do. The best story came from Jackie. The weirdest place he ever masturbated was on the side of a road with 6 of his buddies! It wasn't just a one time thing either. Jackie explained how he and his buddies would walk to the rich side of town and on their way back they'd just stop on the side of the road and jerk off. One time his aunt caught them doing it! After Jackie's story they played a couple more questions but everyone was sick of it already. Jackie was so bored with it he was reading the newspaper instead of playing. Hopefully this was KC's worst idea and he doesn't come up with anything else this bad.

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  -- Monday May 25, 1998 --

• Best Of Stern. 5/25/98.
  Howard had today off since it's Memorial Day here in the States. He'll be back live tomorrow. Here are today's featured Best Of Stern segments:
  • Ponce De La Phone phony phone call about a helicopter crash.
  • Howard and his wife Alison argue on the phone about her waking him up in the middle of the night.
  • King Of All Blacks first phone call to the show.
  • The Bee Gees visit.
  • Howard plays the music of David Koresh and Guns N Roses cover of a Charles Manson song.
  • Stuttering John interviews Larry King.
  • Captain Janks phony phone call during forrest fires in California.
  • Angry black woman calls in to yell at Howard.
  • The Noises Of Jackie Martling - bit.
  • Jackie's wife Nancy calls in to plug something and fights with Jessica Hahn.
  • Death row dog owner calls in to get help from Howard, he doesn't get it.