Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 5/11/98 to 5/15/98

---

-- Friday May 15, 1998 --
• Opinions On The Last Seinfeld Episode. 5/15/98. 6:05am
  Most of the crew watched the final episode of Seinfeld last night so they spent a little time talking about it. Howard hadn't watched it so he'd just heard about it from Robin and others. Robin hated the show. She thought it was horrible. Gary and Stuttering John both thought it was pretty good. Those two figured that Robin hated it because she never watched the show so she didn't understand most of what happened. Robin said that the show should have stood on it's own but it just wasn't funny. A bunch of callers agreed with Robin. A bunch of callers also disagreed with her. Even big fans of Seinfeld didn't like the final episode. It dragged on a little too much.

• Name The Lesbian Who's Never Had Sex With A Man Game. 5/15/98. 7:30am
  Three lesbians came down to the studio. One of them has never had sex with a man. Howard and the rest of the gang had to ask questions to see if they could figure out which one it was. First up was 22 year old Amy. She claims that she's never slept with a man and her first lesbian experience was at age 13 while at a sleep over party. She was wearing a short skirt and combat boots. Next up was 29 year old Andrea. She also claims that she's never slept with a man and her first lesbian experience was at age 14. She was also wearing a short skirt and combat boots. She didn't know her own bra size and said that her mother bought her bras for her. Last but not least was Kate. Kate was a big woman with a crew cut. She looked like pure lesbian. Her first lesbian experience was at age 11. When the women first walked in the room Howard said that he knew which woman was the one that never slept with a man. He thought it might be Kate but later changed his mind because it would have been too obvious to pick her. Here's who the gang picked as the lesbian who never slept with a man:
  • Howard - Amy
  • Jackie - Andrea
  • Fred - Andrea
  • Robin - Kate
  The actual lesbian who never slept with a man was, surprisingly, Andrea! Both Kate and Amy have slept with men at least one time. And another surprise was that Amy and Andrea are a couple. Kate explained how her one sexual experience went with a man. Her friends talked her into picking up a man to screw. She went to a bar, picked up a guy and took him home. He climbed on top of her and started to do his thing but then said ''I love you'' so Kate threw him off and stopped the whole thing. The guy didn't even know her and said that he loved her.

• Intern Beauty Pageant. 5/15/98. 8:10am
  This is number 3 in a line of Intern Beauty Pageants. Howard decided about a year and a half ago to have a beauty pageant for his beautiful interns. This pageant is a little different. There are 3 women and one guy in this pageant. The judges are as follows: Slow Adam, Gary the Retard from Oregon, O.J. Mask (Neil), and Ralph. Gary the retard has called in many times on the show but today was his first time in the studio. Howard loves his retarded voice and now his toothless face. Slow Adam, who's not retarded, has been a judge in the past and does a nice job. This pageant was a little rushed this time. They usually take time giving scores for each category like sexy outfit, personality and talent. Today they rushed through each contestant and announced the winner after taking a break. Here's a quick rundown of each contestant:
  • Shannon - Shannon wore a sexy outfit that showed a little bit of cleavage. She dated a guy who had a huge penis but says size doesn't matter. She sang ''I'm a Full C''(about her cup size) to the tune of The Eagles ''Take It Easy''.
  • Erica - Says she's a 21 year old virgin although she's given oral sex to guys. Was deprived of most television when she was a kid. She sang a parody of ''My Favorite Things'' from The Sound Of Music for her talent portion.
  • Michael - The only male contestant. Wore a vinyl suit for his sexy outfit. Says he has a big penis but has never had the chance to use it. 20 year old virgin. Had his chance to get laid but didn't because the girl was known as a slut. Sang ''Like a Douche Bag'' to the tune of Madonna's ''Like a Virgin'' for talent portion.
  • Heather - Wore a see through dress that came off after her talent segment. 26 year old ex-Knicks City Dancer who had one lesbian experience at age 22. Once had 4 orgasms in one day. Read a poem about Howard for her talent segment. Took her dress off to show off her bikini clad body.
  After all of the contestants did their thing Gary tabulated the votes and announced the winner. Second runner up was Shannon. The winner was Heather. Her lesbian story and the fact that she took off her dress helped push her over the top. Congratulations to Heather. She won a whole list of stuff that's so long that I didn't have time to write it all down.

• The Mike Walker Game With Guest David Wells. 5/15/98. 9:15am
  New York Yankees pitcher David Wells came in to play the Mike Walker Gossip game. Howard talked with David for a couple of minutes then moved on to the game. Mike calls in with 4 stories from his National Enquirer gossip column, one of the stories is false. Try to pick the false one.
  1. Jerry Seinfeld is upset with Jason Alexander for some comments he made during an interview. He said something about the scripts going downhill after co-creator Larry David left the show.
  2. Eddie Murphy is mad at David Spade for a comment made about him on Saturday Night live over a year ago. Because of that David's friend Chris Rock didn't invite him to a party because Eddie was going to be there.
  3. Bob Denver, Gilligan from Gilligan's Island, is almost broke so he's going to go on the Home Shopping channel to auction off some old Gilligan's Island memorabilia to make some money.
  4. Passengers on an airline flight were pissed off when they were delayed waiting for Sarah ''Fergie'' Fergusen to show up. The pilot announced that Fergie had taken a private flight after delaying the flight for an hour. It turned out that Fergie had canceled the flight but the pilot hadn't been informed until it was too late.
  David Wells, Howard and Robin all chose number 3 as the false story. Jackie chose number 1. The actual false story was number 3 so everyone got it right except for Jackie. After the game David Wells hung around for a while. He told a story about his father. I guess the father must have left his mother when he was young. While he grew up he wasn't aware that his real father lived somewhere else. He just recently contacted the guy and got together with him. It was more complicated than that but I'm not a great story teller. There was also a story about how he bought one of Babe Ruth's old Yankees hat's and paid like $30,000 for it. He even wore it in a game one time but the manager told him to take it off for some reason. Wells also spoke out about his ex-boss Marge Schott. ''She sucks..'' he said. He thinks that she's bad for the game. There were a couple of strange stories about her also. One of them was about how she used to rub her dogs hair on him for good luck. Howard took a bunch of calls while David was there and the show started to sound like one of those lame AM station sport shows.

  ---

  -- Thursday May 14, 1998 --

• Remembering Seinfeld The Howard Stern Way. 5/14/98. 6:30am
  Since tonight is the last episode of Seinfeld Howard decided to play some old tape of times when Jerry was still appearing on the show. Howard doesn't really care about the last episode of the show or any other episode of it for that matter. He says he's not falling for all of the hype surrounding the show and he won't watch tonight's show. He played tape of a phone call between himself and Jerry. It was around the time that he was starting to date the 17 year old Shoshanna. Jerry kept denying that he was going out with such a young lady. That phone call may have been the last time Jerry did the show. Howard also played tape of a phone call he and Gilbert Gottfried made to Jerry's answering machine. Gilbert was doing his Jerry Seinfeld impression and they ended up leaving a 25 minute message on the machine before it cut them off. The tape Howard played was cut down to under 10 minutes though.

• Gary Fannon Checks In. 5/14/98. 7:00am
  Gary Fannon is this guy who was arrested on drug charges when he was 18 years old. He was sentenced to life in prison but after 10 years the original ruling was overruled. Howard had been a supporter of Gary's after reading an article about him in Rolling Stone magazine. Gary came on the show back in August of 1996 and Howard had some Scores girls strip for him. Today he called in to give Howard an update on what he's been doing. Howard only talked to him for a couple of minutes. Howard said that Fannon got an associates degree in physical therapy and is doing well. That's about all we learned about him today.

• David Wolfe, Says Bread Can Make You Gay! 5/14/98. 7:20am
  This guy was on the phone who claims that eating bread can make a person gay. He was promoting his book Nature's First Law, The Raw-Food Diet and I guess one of the things he says in the book is that the wheat in bread contains estrogen which may lead to men turning homosexual. Wolfe said that he's done studies where men who took bread out of their diet had their sexuality change to heterosexual. I think the guy may be off his rocker. The guy is pushing this ''raw food'' diet which consists of raw natural foods like nuts and seeds. Personally, I'm backing the M&M's diet which consists of M&M's chocolate candy and other assorted junk food. Wolfe also claims that switching to all natural foods can make a man's penis bigger. He says that when all of the preservatives are cleansed from the blood it's able to flow better which in turn lets more blood flow to the penis. If you'd like to learn more about this raw food thing you can check out David Wolfe's web site at www.rawfood.com. Try the diet and let me know if your schlong gets bigger. Howard should have asked if it helps women's breast size too. The whole world is nuts..

• Russian Beauty Queen Comes In. 5/14/98. 8:55am
  This Russian woman came in to interview Howard for her own Russian tv show. Apparently she's some kind of beauty queen or something. She had some funky name like Kosinya Wolkov, I'm probably not spelling that correctly so don't quote me on that. I think she was supposed to do something for her tv show ''Zig Zag'' but Howard wouldn't let her camera crew into the studio. Howard ended up interviewing her instead of the other way around. Howard asked her a bunch of questions about life in Russia. The subject of feminine hygiene seemed to be Howard's favorite. He kept asking about tampons and pads over and over again. Howard wondered how women got products like that when it was so hard just to get some toilet paper. Kosinya said that she did have feminine pads when she first got her period about 11 years ago. She's 24 years old now and doesn't have a problem getting her feminine hygiene products. She did say that some of the lines to get toilet paper used to be an hour long or so. It's not that bad anymore. The woman wanted to have some of Howard's time off the air but he just wouldn't got for it because he doesn't see any benefit coming from it. What the hell good would it do him to appear on a Russian tv show?

  ---

  -- Wednesday May 13, 1998 --

• Kendra The Stripper Calls In. 5/13/98. 7:15am
  Kendra is this stripper who came on the show back in December. She went under Howard's console and rubbed his legs and thighs. Well recently she showed up in the news in a hidden videotape with Jerry Springer. Kendra and her step-mother Kelly were allegedly in the same room with Jerry as he masturbated in front of them. Kendra was supposed to call in about that incident but there was an even more interesting story. It turns out that Mike Gange, E! camera man and ex-intern for Howard's show, had sex with Kendra back in December. He'd followed her around to the strip club where she worked and she came on to him. They ended up going out to the car and she gave Gange oral sex. She also went to Gange's home and had sex there. Gange said that this happened just before Christmas vacation. Gange had plans and went away for a while. When he came back he had a bunch of messages on his answering machine. It was Kendra and her friend who left the messages. They called Gange all kinds of names and yelled at him for some reason. After that Kendra would try to beep him a couple of times a day. Gange thought all of that was a little weird so he didn't see her anymore. Kendra called in and tried to tell Howard that the things Gange was saying were false. Howard thinks Gange is crazy for dumping her because she's beautiful. Gange doesn't care because she's too wacky for him. Kendra claims that she was just using Gange to get to Howard but a note she sent Gange said different. The note said something about enjoying Gange's company blah blah blah. Howard also tried to get Kendra to talk about the whole Jerry Springer thing but she said she's not allowed to. It was a waste of time. The one thing she said about it was that she didn't get paid to do the tape. She wouldn't say whether or not she set Springer up or not.

• Hank The Angry, Drunken Dwarf Calls In. 5/13/98. 8:05am
  Hank called in this morning drunk as usual. Last night he was on Yahoo Chat as a guest. He was rambling on about how someone said something about some friends of his on the web that wasn't true. It really didn't make any sense and Howard had a guest waiting to come in. Howard didn't spend much time with him. You can get a transcript of Hank's chat over at People.com. You probably shouldn't waste your time because it wasn't that good. Hank is great on the radio but when he's diluted by the chat host it sucks. By the time the chat was over there were about 5 people left in the room. They picked the softball questions for Hank so they wouldn't offend anyone in there.

• Fran Drescher Comes In. 5/13/98. 8:10am
  Actress Fran Drescher came in to promote her CBS TV show ''The Nanny''. Tonight is the 1 hour long season finale so she's out pushing for ratings. When Fran came in Howard described her as wearing a ''school girl'' outfit with no bra. He said that her legs looked great and she's in great shape. Fran complained as soon as she came in. She said that there should be security for guests of Howard's show. When she came in there was no one to escort her into the building and there were tons of fans waiting outside. She said there was a guy in the elevator that scared the crap out of her when he reached into a shopping bag. It turned out that he just wanted to give her candy as a gift but it scared her. Howard told her that he's asked for security from Tom but he's so cheap that he won't cave in. After that Howard spent some time talking about Fran's sex life. She's still separated from her Husband and she's not dating anyone at this time. An old boyfriend of Fran's called in during the interview. It turned out that he was her first real boyfriend. He claims that he had sex with her when they were 15 or so. Fran said she couldn't remember if he was the first she had sex with or not. Before Fran left Howard had to kiss and hug her goodbye. She went over to Howard and they ended up kissing and grabbing each others ass.

• Warren Beatty Comes In. 5/13/98. 8:50am
  Actor Warren Beatty came in to promote his new movie Bulworth. The movie premieres in New York and Los Angeles this coming Friday and premieres in the rest of the country next week. Warren almost didn't come in live this morning. He was going to call in but Gary managed to get him to change his mind. There was a whole long story behind it and it had something to do with Howard's assistant Cathy Tobin. She somehow ended up in Warren's limo last night and convinced him to come in to the studio. Howard was all prepared to ask Warren about all of the women he's been linked to but Warren wasn't talking. He wasn't interested in talking about his past sexual experiences. He did talk about Howard's movie Private Parts. He told Howard that he enjoyed it very much and thought Howard's acting was very good. He saw it with about 15 other Hollywood celebrities in a private screening. Howard tried his best to bring up Beatty's sexual past but he just wouldn't talk no matter how many times Howard brought it up. It kind of sucked. The only thing he admitted to was masturbating and getting laid for the first time at 19 or 20 years old. Howard filled the rest of the time by talking about things like how Warren wrote this new movie and what he does in his normal routine. Howard even took a few phone calls from listeners who were pissed that Beatty wasn't talking. It didn't make a difference though. Oh well, what can you do? Robin says that this movie was really good and everyone should go see it. Howard brought up the fact that Robin also thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger's Last Action Hero was a good movie. Howard hasn't seen it yet but he's heard good things so far.

  ---

  -- Tuesday May 12, 1998 --

• More On Howard's New Dog. 5/12/98. 6:05am
  Howard said that he was worn out from dealing with his new dog yesterday. He said he had to take the dog out every time it looked like she had to pee. That was more often than he thought it would be. His wife was working so he had to take care of it himself. Later in the show he was telling everyone about how the dog is going to it's first training lesson today. He said that they'll be giving the dog swimming lessons! Jackie told Howard that dogs have a natural instinct for swimming but Howard is under the impression that they have to train it to swim correctly. Howard thinks that Jackie doesn't know anything because his cat was killed by a car a few years ago. I think that this trainer may be taking advantage of Howard.

• Woman Who Claims Erdic Made Her Breasts Bigger Comes In. 5/12/98. 7:35am
  Not too long ago there were a couple of women who called in and claimed that this herbal drug Erdic can enlarge women's breasts a few cup sizes. Today a woman came in to show Howard that it actually does work. 29 year old Tiffany claims that she went from a 32 A-Cup to a 33 B in about 2 months. She's still taking the Erdic and hoping it'll make them even bigger. Howard said she has a nice body but her face left much to be desired. She was a little bit too thin and she had a bad smile according to Howard, Gary and Jackie. They told her not to smile. Howard also had this guy Steve on the phone. Steve claims that he was the original importer for this herbal thing. He claims that his version of the drug, Breast Care Rx, works better than Erdic. Steve sent some of his stuff to Howard and one of the interns may try it. You can learn more about Erdic from their web site at www.bustingout.com. Before Tiffany left they started talking about her 5 year old son who was being watched by Melrose Larry. His name is Kayden. Tiffany explained that she named him after the guy who wrote ''The Six Million Dollar Man'' tv show. She loved the shows and wanted something different as a name for her son. Wacky lady huh? Tiffany also said that she thinks she could be in Playboy magazine if she gained a little weight. Howard told her there's no chance of that happening.

• Melrose Larry Comes In. 5/12/98. 8:05am
  Melrose Larry never fails to make a bad appearance. Today he was hanging around to play tape of him opening for Jackie Mason recently. He bombed horribly as usual. He did manage to get a couple of laughs but I don't think they were laughing at his jokes. I think they were laughing because he's such a dick. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from angry listeners and they were all against Larry. Larry was trying to be like Howard by asking the angry callers ''what do you do for a living?''. He managed to call most of them losers. A bunch of people asked Howard why he makes us listen to this crap. Howard doesn't put up with it for too long. He tries to keep it short because so many people hate him. He played some of the tape that Larry had of his act. He didn't finish it because of the negative calls. It really was bad and he tells the same lame jokes that he's told in the past. For some reason Jackie Mason has let Larry open for him all over the country and it's got everyone scratching their heads. Some people think it's because after Larry bombs anything would be funny.

• Name That Pussy Game. 5/12/98. 8:35am
  Howard played a new game today. One of the interns came up with ''Name That Pussy''. They take tape of a famous person who broke down and cried and play it for a listener. If the listener guesses correctly they win a little prize. People didn't do too well with the game. The first tape was Bryant Gumble sobbing about leaving the Today show. They played a couple of other tapes for people like Rosie O'Donnell and I think one was Mike Schmidt. I don't think it went over that well so this may have been the first and last ''Name That Pussy''.

  ---

  -- Monday May 11, 1998 --

• Howard Gets A Dog. 5/11/98. 6:00am
  Howard picked up his new 11 week old puppy this past weekend. The puppy, a black lab, has been named Java by the Stern family. They got the dog from a breeder up in Albany New York. Howard said they met the breeder halfway between Albany and Long Island. They took a couple of hours to sign all of the papers and now they own a dog. They took the dog home in a limo! Howard said so far he's loving the dog. It only peed in the house one time! Howard said they've been able to get the dog outside in time since then. Howard called home to talk to his daughter about the dog this morning but when his wife Alison picked up the phone she said ''I have to take her out!'' and hung up. It'll be interesting to see if Howard keeps this dog much longer than the last one he had.. That dog only lasted one day!

• Gary Garver Interviews Jasmine Guy. 5/11/98. 7:00am
  I think Howard has a new way of interviewing celebrities. It's just like the Homeless/Stripper game. Gary Garver got an interview with actress Jasmine Guy who is best known for her role in the TV show ''A Different World''. Gary asked her a few questions just like the questions they use in the Homeless game. I didn't catch all of the questions since I was on my way to work.. yes I do work. The questions I did catch were:
  • Who wrote Tom Sawyer? - Mark Twain
  • Who said ''Give me liberty or give me death?'' - Thomas Jefferson
  • What happened on December 7, 1941? - No answer
  Jasmine and her publicist stopped the interview because they said they weren't prepared for a quiz. Howard thinks doing interviews like this would be great. I'm sure we'll be hearing more of these type of celebrity interviews from now on.

• Montana From Minneapolis Shows Her Huge Breasts. 5/11/98. 7:30am
  For some reason Montana the board operator from Howard's Minneapolis station came down to show off her breasts. Montana has been on the show over the phone a couple of times in the past but today her boss Andy sent her down to get naked. She's got huge F-Cup breasts and she didn't hesitate to show them to Howard. He said that she's got a great body but kind of hinted that she's looking a little old. She's 35 years old and once appeared in Hustler magazine. Today she asked if she could take on the title of Miss Howard Stern. Howard told her that she may have been good enough for Hustler but not for the title of Miss Howard Stern. OUCH!

• Evan The 16 Year Old Chairman Of Bumble Bee Tuna Visits. 5/11/98. 7:55am
  Howard spent some time with his best guest, Evan the 16 year old chairman of Bumble Bee. This kid has been on the show a couple of times in the past. His father gave him control of Bumble Bee tuna. He did so well with it that they just recently gave him Gulden's Mustard! Evan says that advertising on Howard's show did wonders for Bumble Bee and should do the same for the mustard. Howard loves this kid's life. Howard said ''..this is what life is supposed to be like..'' while talking about the Bumble Bee corporate jet and stuff like that. Evan talked about how he goes to school for 2 hours in the morning and works the rest of the day. He has a tutor who also came in to talk to Howard. This kid really doesn't care about school since he's already the friggin chairman of Bumble Bee. He dates women in their 20's! This coming weekend he's taking a girl to a prom up in Vermont and he'll be flying up on the corporate jet. He told Howard that he could help him get back on radio down in Dallas Texas if he wanted the help. He said that a friend of his father's owns a station or two down there. The only problem is that the company that owns the stations is Evergreen media. Howard had some problems with Evergreen in Chicago a few years ago. Howard said he could get over that though. This could be good news for Dallas fans. Before Evan left he gave Howard some investment advice. He said that 90% of your investments should be with Blue Chip stocks. The other 10% is for miscellaneous stocks. This is a 16 year old telling Howard this stuff! The kid's got it made.

• Beauty Pageant Judge Tells All. 5/11/98. 8:50am
  There's a show on the UPN network tonight about behind the scenes stuff from beauty pageants. This guy Brian Edwards is one of the featured guests on the show. He called in to promote the show a bit. I believe he's been a judge in many pageants around the country. He's gay so Robin wondered why a gay man would want to judge a beauty pageant. He said it's because he wanted to be ''Miss America'' himself. He said that some of the contestants will do sexual favors for judges so they'll win. He also said that parents of the contestants will do sexual favors for the judges. He also revealed some of the things that contestants do to make themselves more attractive. They duct tape their breasts together to give themselves cleavage and some women even have ribs removed to get an hourglass figure. You can find out even more of these interesting facts on ''Contestants Tell All, Secrets of Beauty Pageants Revealed'' tonight on UPN.

• Croy Gets Naked! 5/11/98. 9:25am
  The always wacky Croy came in today. Croy is this 54 year old woman who is really spaced out. The first time she was on she claimed that President Reagan stole some blue prints for a ''nuclear incubation'' thing that she designed. She's been on a few times but today she came in and did the unthinkable.. She took her clothes off! She wants to be a part of the ''Frankenstein Contest'' that Howard will be holding in the next couple of weeks. The winner of the contest will win a nose job, breast implants and liposuction. Croy really wants to be a part of it so she actually took off her clothes. When she took off her top Gary was laughing hysterically. I think her breasts were really sagging low. It must have been a hell of a sight. After all of that she rambled on and on about Barbara Walters, Charlton Heston, Dan Rather and Ronald Reagan. She said she's been trying to contact Walters and Rather to expose Reagan or something like that. She's so strange it's scary. Before Croy left Howard asked her how long it's been since she had sex. 3 years is what she claimed.. She also claimed she was 26 years old. She admitted to being 54 but even that number didn't convince Howard and the gang. She looks more like 74. Howard didn't say whether or not he'd allow her in the ''Frankenstein Contest'' or not.