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Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 3/30/98 to 4/3/98

-- Friday April 3, 1998 --

Jackie Shows Up Late Stinking Like Alcohol. 4/3/98. 6:50am
Jackie had a job last night at some comedy club. He ended up over sleeping and coming in a little late. When he showed up he stunk of alcohol. He said he had 5 beers. Howard decided to have Gary give him a breathalyzer test to see just how much alcohol was still left in him. After a few tries Jackie blew a .05 on the breathalyzer. He couldn't believe it was that high after sleeping it off for about 6 hours. Howard tried the breathalyzer on himself and blew a .001 which is basically nothing. Gary also took it himself and blew the same .001. They were just doing all of this for fun.
Clyde Lewis, Another Guy Who Died And Wrote A Book. 4/3/98. 7:20am
This was the third nut in a week to have a story involving a religious experience. There was another person earlier in the week who said he can contact dead people and yesterday there was a woman who claims to be able to speak to virgin Mary. This guy had the least believable story. He wrote a book about it called ''An Encounter With A Prophet''. He said that he got really drunk one day and put his fist through a window and sliced open his arm. He passed out and thinks he died although no one was there to pronounce him dead. When he awoke he remembered his feeling of unconditional love from god. He also said that God will forgive anything a person does so he recommends doing whatever you want to while you're alive. It's funny how each one of these people who claim to have died each have different stories to tell. This guy said that there's no Hell, only Heaven but the guy earlier in the week said there is both Heaven and Hell.. oh, who cares..
Scott Weiland Comes In. 4/3/98. 8:35am
Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots had come out with a solo album called ''12 Bar Blues''. Howard interviewed him for quite a while this morning even though he showed up late. Most of the interview was about Scott's drug abuse and his rehab visits. Scott had to enter rehab a bunch of times and the last time the band kind of separated for a while. Scott says the band is still a band even though the other members did their own thing while Scott was doing his rehab and his solo stuff. Scott was very open with Howard and talked about how it took about 2 months to get physically addicted to heroin. The lead singer of the Butthole Surfers introduced him to the drug. He's off of the crap now and has been sober for 7 months now. He doesn't even drink alcohol. He said he has to smoke cigarettes and masturbate a lot to keep his mind off of the drugs. So far it's working. Scott's marriage was effected during his drug abuse so now he's working at getting that back also. He was separated from his wife for about 7 months. Now he's back together with her. Scott had his band with him so they performed an acoustic version of his new song ''Barbarella''. It sounded pretty good. Maybe the engineers at Howard's station are finally getting their act together. Scott stuck around to do a guest DJ thing on Howard's station later in the day.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Natasha Henstridge. 4/3/98. 9:35am
The gorgeous Natasha Henstridge from the movie Species came in to plug her new movie Species 2. If you haven't seen Species yet I'd suggest renting it because Natasha gets naked in it quite a bit. She does the same in the new movie which premieres on Friday, April 10. Howard fell in love with her as soon as she walked in the studio. She's tall, blonde, gorgeous and she was wearing a skin tight dress showing off her breasts. Howard talked to her for a couple of minutes and then played the Mike Walker game with her.
Each week Mike Walker from The National Enquirer calls in with 4 stories. 3 of the stories are true, one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false story. Here are this week's stories:
1. Leonardo DeCaprio tried hypnosis to get rid of his smoking habit. After the session he ran outside and lit up a cigarette.
2. Ashley Judd's dress at the Academy Awards caused quite a stir because of it's very high cut. Some people thought they could see her private parts. Her representative says that what people saw was only a shadow. Ashley Judd has said in an interview that she NEVER wears underwear so it probably was her private area.
3. Chris Farley's family has moved his grave site because fans have been visiting and leaving their empty beer cans and litter all over the place.
4. When Danny Devito stopped to help a woman who'd locked her keys in her car her estranged husband came out. It turned out that they were fighting but when the husband, an out of work actor, recognized Danny he handed him an 8x10 photo and said maybe he could use him in his next film.
Everyone picked number 3 as the false story and they were correct. Gary came in a minute later and said that Mike had done the wrong stories so it was too easy for everyone. Mike read two other stories that he was supposed to use. It would have been a little tougher for them to decide if Mike had done it correctly. No big deal.
Natasha stuck around after the game for a while to talk to Howard. It turns out that she's 3 months pregnant. She said that it wasn't a planned pregnancy but she's happy about it. Natasha will be breast feeding for those of you who wanted to know.. She's not married but has a steady boyfriend who is the father. Ralph called in at one point to tell Howard that Natasha dated John Stamos at one time. She did date him but it was hard to tell if she actually slept with him or not. At first she said that he wasn't so good in bed but a few minutes later she said she was kidding and that they never had sex. Howard was so taken with Natasha's beauty that he had a moment of silence to admire her. He had everyone be silent for a few seconds but Natasha started laughing. Howard kept mentioning that her ''headlights'' were on. It may have been chilly in the studio and right after she showed Howard her legs her nipples got erect once again.. at least that's what Howard said. Howard asked for a hug from Natasha but she refused for some reason. I think she may have been repulsed by Howard.. go figure.
-- Thursday April 2, 1998 --
One Stupid April Fools Joke. 4/2/98. 6:55am
Listeners of KIOZ FM 105.3 out in San Diego, California may have been a little upset yesterday. It seems that some idiot thought it would be funny to move Howard's show to another frequency as an April Fools Day joke. Howard didn't find it funny and he spoke to someone from the station on the air this morning. The fools at the station figured that the listeners would eventually figure out that they'd moved Howard's show to the other station. How they would figure out a stupid thing like that was beyond Howard's comprehension. The guy talking to Howard said it was one of the higher-ups who had them play this idiotic prank on the Stern fans out there. Howard told the guy that the next time he hears about something like this to let him know so he can put a stop to it. In the mean time fans out there probably missed Howard's press conference all together. How stupid can these people be?
Salim The 16 Year Old Stuttering Black Kid. 4/2/98. 7:15am
Howard thought he'd found a gold mine when he saw that he had a stuttering black guy on the phone. This could have been the next Stuttering John! Howard talked to the guy for a few minutes and found out that he's only 16. Howard wanted to use him as a judge in an evaluation of a woman or something but Robin reminded him that a 16 year old would't be able to see nude women in the studio. Howard will have to wait about 2 years before he could have him on the show in that capacity. Howard wanted to meet the kid anyway so he invited him down this morning. His mother said that wouldn't be possible. Howard tried to change her mind but she wouldn't budge. It was the kid's birthday today and he really wanted to come down but his mother just wouldn't allow it. He may come down tomorrow, otherwise it'll be about 2 years before he makes it on the show.
Robin And Jackie Finally Sort Things Out. 4/2/98. 7:50am
As you probably know Robin hasn't been speaking to Jackie since he came back on the show. No one knew the exact reason for them not talking, not even Jackie! People thought it had something to do with Jackie being off the show for 6 weeks during his contract negotiations. Well it all came out today when Howard asked Robin to spill it. Jackie was really moping around this morning because he didn't know why Robin was ignoring him. It turns out that it's Howard's fault! Howard said something to Robin just before Jackie returned. He told her something about not being too hard on Jackie when he comes back and Robin took it the wrong way. She figured that Jackie told Howard to tell her that so she wouldn't make fun of him upon his return. Robin then decided that she just wouldn't talk to him at all to teach him a lesson. So for about 2 months Robin didn't talk to him or tell him why. When Howard told her that he must have given her the wrong impression she dropped her ridiculous ban on Jackie. She's now talking to him once again. After all of that Jackie was still a little down for some reason. The two did end up talking to each other when they ran into each other in the hallway later in the show. It may take a little while to heal the wounds but Jackie should be fondling Robin in the near future.
Howard Plays ''My Generation'' Game. 4/2/98. 8:20am
''My Generation'' is a game show that's on VH-1 daily at 4pm 8pm and 1am. The host of the game, Craig Shumaker, came in to host this special version of the Rock and Roll trivia game. Howard teamed up with Dee Snider as the Class of '72 team. Gary and Stuttering John teamed up as the Class of '83. Howard and Gary had a bet going on who would win this game so there was $100 at stake here. They had a Scores dancer helping out with the game and from what everyone was saying she was gorgeous. Stuttering John said that she was better looking than any stripper he's ever seen. Howard was drooling over her also. Her name was Amber and this was her first appearance on the show. Everyone said she was very ''classy'' looking and couldn't believe she's a stripper. The game is played kind of like Jeopardy. The team picks a subject and the guy asks a question. The pace of the game was pretty fast and there were a lot of questions so I don't have them listed here. Howard pretty much choked under pressure so the class of '72 lost the game. I believe the score was about $1100 to $450 at the end. They were having some technical difficulties with the buzzers so that wasn't helping things. Howard had to pay Gary $100 for the loss but Gary thinks that Howard probably knows more about music than him but Howard choked. Dee Snider wasn't much of a help either. He's not much of a trivia expert. After the game Dee hung around for the rest of the show. He was promoting his web site and his movie Strangeland which will be out in September.
Annie Kirkwood, Woman Who Claims To Talk To Virgin Mother. 4/2/98. 8:55am
Yesterday it was a guy who speaks to the dead, today it's a woman who has seen and speaks to the virgin Mary. What the hell is going on? This lady was plugging her book ''Mary's Message to the World'', so I guess there's a reason for Howard's madness. He and Dee Snider did kind of make fun of her crazy talk so it wasn't too boring. The woman is 61 and she started ''talking'' to Mary back in 1987. She explained how she was confined to her house because she had agoraphobia when she first started talking to her. Now she says that it has helped her and she's able to leave the house and actually make public speeches. Robin asked her if her talking to Mary is because she's mentally unbalanced. Annie said it's possible. But that helps her to lead a useful life so it helps her. Howard asked Annie what Mary's message is. Annie said that her message is ''Love''. Howard replied ''..so the book is only one page?''.. The book is much more than one page and it's full of Mary's predictions as written down by Annie.
-- Wednesday April 1, 1998 --
Hank The Dwarf Comes In. 4/1/98. 6:25am
Hank The Dwarf came down to be a part of Howard's big press conference today. He couldn't afford to come down on his own so the nice people at WWKX in Providence, Rhode Island arranged for a limo to bring him down. The promotions director from WWKX came in to tell Howard about Hanks trip down. The limo was stocked with alcohol so Hank wasn't without his nutrition. Hank is always drunk and he can't last long without his alcohol so it's a good thing they had it stocked. Hank was also telling some stories about himself that we've never heard before. Today he admitted to burning down his grammar school when he was in high school. At first it sounded like he'd gotten arrested for that at one time but then he said he never was. Maybe admitting to something like that on national radio isn't too bright. It happened quite a while ago so he doesn't think he'll get in trouble for it.
Stephanie Gets Evaluated. 4/1/98. 7:25am
This woman called in last week and said that her husband had left her for a pig. She wanted to be evaluated by Howard and the crew to see if she's really that bad. Howard had a couple guys come in to be the judges. As usual Ralph, Howard's boy, was there with his laser pointer ready to point out every imperfection. Also judging was Vin The Retard and a new judge, Loco. Loco talked to Howard last year when Private Parts first came out. Loco and his wife got into an argument, while driving in the car, about going to see Private Parts. Loco ended up throwing his wife out of the car and going to the movie himself. He may be just a little unstable.. but that makes a good judge. As soon as Stephanie came in there were sounds from the judges that let everyone know that this chick wasn't going to get good scores. Stephanie claimed to have B-Cup breasts but when she took off her blouse it was obvious that they weren't more than an A-Cup. She was 5'7'' tall and weighed 115 pounds, sounds okay there.. Then they started picking her apart. She had really bad tattoos all over the place. Ralph called them ''prison tattoos''. Her hair was bad, her ass was bad, her stomach was bad, her smile was bad and her eyes pop out like Rodney Dangerfield's. Ralph really picked her apart and ended up giving her a 6½ or 7. Vin The Retard gave her a 7 and Loco gave her an 8 or 8½. That wasn't end of it though. Stephanie brought along a friend by the name of Lori. She came in to be judged also but they didn't get into giving her ratings. Ralph picked on her too. When Howard asked the judges which woman they would sleep with Ralph said it was a toss up between the two. It turns out that Lori was Stephanie's husband's mistress at one point but the two eventually became good friends. Stephanie was bragging that she and Lori spent some time making out last night. Lori said that she didn't enjoy it though. She's no lesbian.
What's Going On With Ralph And Terry Farrell? 4/1/98. 8:20am
Some people have been wondering if Ralph still has a relationship with Terry Farrell from Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Ralph said that he's still talking to her on the phone almost every night but she's out in California and he's in New Jersey. Ralph said he never slept with her but they did make out and there was some ''heavy petting'' going on. When the two of them break up, I'll be sure to mention it here.
Warren Fryberg, Guy Who Speaks To The Dead. 4/1/98. 8:25am
This guy claims that he can contact dead people. He explained what happens to people when they die. He said that when you die you go into limbo for a certain amount of time then move on. He also said that when you're dead you can still have sex! Warren said that Elvis is definitely dead but he's never contacted him. Lady Diana is still very confused about her death and she's unable to get back together with Dodi because of cultural differences.. okay.. whatever. Oh, Warren writes some column for The Sun and The Globe magazines. According to Warren, Howard was a female whore in a past life. Robin was an Aztec virgin who was sacrificed at a young age.. and I have a famous bridge to sell anyone who believes that crap.
Howard Announces His Saturday Night Show! 4/1/98. 9:20am
Howard held a huge press conference this morning from somewhere other than his studio. Around 9:00 Howard and the crew left the station and headed down to the Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers. He was there to announce his re-entry into the Saturday late night television arena. A couple of big CBS Television big wigs started off the press conference. They played a production video to introduce the people to the world of Howard Stern. Then Norm MacDonald from Saturday Night Live introduced Howard. Howard came out but by the time he got around to thanking Norm for the intro, he was gone. Norm ran out for some reason. I guess the SNL people wouldn't be too happy about one of their cast members introducing someone who's going to be competing against them. There were a bunch of reporters at the press conference and around the country via satellite and telephone. Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy, Uzo, Hank the dwarf and Croy were also there to make it more interesting. Here's a run down of what the show will be: Starting in August Howard's show will be on Saturday nights at 11:30 for one hour. The show will be on a bunch of CBS owned and operated stations to begin with. The show will be syndicated so any other CBS stations that want it can pick it up. Here's a list of the stations scheduled to carry the show when it starts:
- New York - WCBS-TV
- Los Angeles - KCBS- TV
- Chicago - WBBM-TV
- Philadelphia - KYW-TV
- San Francisco - KPIX-TV
- Boston - WBZ-TV
- Detroit - WWJ-TV
- Minneapolis - WCCO-TV
- Miami - WFOR-TV
- Denver - KCNC-TV
- Pittsburgh - KDKA-TV
- Baltimore - WJZ-TV
The show will be somewhat like the E! show but they will also produce new material just for this show. Things like animation pieces and stuff like that. The E! show will continue to air each week night. The show is NOT being produced by David Letterman's production company as many rumors have suggested. It will be produced by Howard Stern Productions in association with CBS Productions. One reporter asked Howard if this was one big April Fools Day joke. Of course he said it's not a joke but that's what he said when he announced that his station was going to an all Elvis format one April 1st. Could Howard do that to his fans? Would he play a cruel joke on everyone just to get some joy out of it? Let's hope not. Almost forgot, the press conference was sponsored by CDnow.com, Cold Eeze and the New York Sports Club.
-- Tuesday March 31, 1998 --
Howard's Reporter In Garland Texas. 3/31/98. 7:10am
Down in Garland Texas there's a Taiwanese cult leader who thinks God is going to show up in a space ship today. Howard had his own special reporter checking in a few times this morning from the scene. Jacqueline from San Antonio was on the phone with a quick report to fill Howard in on what's going on down there. Later in the morning she checked in and had a neighbor on the phone with her. Howard talked to the neighbor for a few minutes about the whole thing. The neighbor doesn't seem upset about any of what's going on. As a matter of fact he's taking advantage of the situation to try and find someone to sponsor him in senior golf or something like that. Later on Howard spoke to one of the Taiwanese followers through an interpreter. Howard was asking the guy a bunch of questions about the leader and about why they came to Texas. The follower said that if God doesn't show up today he'll be heading back to Taiwan. He also said that he would not kill himself if Master Chin, the leader, asked him to. Check your local news this evening to see if God showed up today in Garland.. my guess is that he didn't.
Ursula Auburn, The Woman Who Sleeps With Celebrities. 3/31/98. 7:30am
This woman claims that she has slept with a bunch of celebrities. She hasn't written a book or anything but there will be some nude pictorial or something on www.clublove.com, starting April 6 at 12 Noon, featuring her. You can also check out some of her answering machine messages from celebrities. She claims that she has slept with Jack Nicolson, Charlie Sheen, Ian Ziering and Nicolas Cage. She said that she won't date married men and she won't have anal sex. Howard said that she's really cute. She was telling Howard how Jack Nicolson liked to spank her so Howard wanted to give that a try. She went over to him and showed him her breasts before getting over his lap. Howard gave her a couple of little spanks and she couldn't take it so he gave up.
Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 3/31/98. 8:10am
KKK member Daniel Carver was on the phone with three new movie reviews today. Daniel rates movies based on a scale of 1 to 5 burning crosses with 5 being the best. Here are the three movies Daniel rated today:
- Do The Right Thing - 3 Burning Crosses
- Schindler's List - 1 Burning Cross
- Dog Day Afternoon - 2 Burning Crosses
After the movie reviews Howard took some phone calls from people who wanted to yell at Daniel. During that time Howard found out that Daniel didn't go to high school, gee go figure.. and the fact that Daniel was in the Vietnam war. Daniel said that he never had the chance to kill anyone because he was a switchboard operator. Always something interesting with this guy.
Porno Star Shane Get's Dominated By Howard. 3/31/98. 8:30am
Howard has been promoting this thing for months. Howard watched some porno that this chick Shane was in where she got dominated by some guy. He loved it so he wanted to be the dominator. He found a couple of guys a couple weeks back who were supposed to be able to pass wind at will. He was going to have them pass wind in Shane's face if she didn't do what he told her to. Before Shane came in to the studio she was already objecting to the farting in her face but Howard told her she had to. Shane is really cute. She's about 5'7'' tall and weighs only about 105 pounds with D-Cup breasts. You can see what she looks like on her web site www.shanesworld.com. So she came in and Howard interviewed her for a couple of minutes then moved on to the dominating. She got naked and Howard began to give her some questions to answer. When she got one wrong he would spank her. The two guys who were supposed to fart in her face couldn't perform this morning but Howard had an alternate plan. He had a couple of women who could queef(fart from their vagina). Needless to say Shane did miss quite a few questions so she got spanked and queefed at quite a bit. Actually, she was enjoying it more than she should have. She cheered when the women did their queefs. At one point Gary came in and said that he had to fart so Howard had him do it in her face. It turned out to be a really nasty one too. I thought Howard was going to throw up when he got a whiff. That pretty much brought things to a halt. Gary said his wife had made some meal with a lot of garlic in it so that's why it was such a stinker. Don't forget to check out Shane's site: www.shanesworld.com
-- Monday March 30, 1998 --
New Station Added - Burlington, Vermont WIZN 106.7. 3/30/98. 6:05am
Welcome the latest affiliate, WIZN Burlington, Vermont. Howard's adding stations like crazy...when will he reach 50?...stay tuned!
High Pitched Eric Update. 3/30/98. 7:05am
Last week High Pitched Eric was in to tell Howard about how he finally got laid at age 26. He also said that the girl dumped him after that. He supposedly had another date with a new girl and E! was supposed to follow them on their date this weekend. Eric called in today to tell Howard about the latest date. He said that he went out with the new girl but he didn't get laid. Mike Gange from E! came in and said Eric must be lying about this stuff because the girl wouldn't return his phone calls on Friday. Because of that they didn't hook up to tape the date. Someone did call in last week and told Howard that Eric is a compulsive liar so who knows. Eric still doesn't have the girls phone number all he has is her pager number. Howard thinks that she's just playing him for a fool to plug the phone service he met her through.
Porno Vacation Giveaway. 3/30/98. 7:35am
Howard's going to have an interesting prize to give away soon. Some porno company is putting together a vacation at a Mexican resort where about 60 female porno stars will be making a bunch of movies. Howard will be giving away one free trip but those of you who would like to go down there yourself you can buy a 6 day 7 night trip for around $2600 by calling 800-995-2583. Three porno stars came in to help promote this thing. Felicia, Jessica Knight and Alicia Klass all came in and hung out with Howard for a while. Felicia and Alicia spent the night together last night so they were all over each other in the studio this morning.
Shannon Briggs Drops In. 3/30/98. 8:20am
Fighter Shannon Briggs dropped in this morning to talk about his fight last Saturday night. To make a long story short, he lost the fight against Lennox Lewis in 5 rounds. Lennox was in last Thursday promoting the fight. Robin went to the fight and saw the loss up close. Shannon had dedicated the fight to Howard not too long ago so Howard said that today's show was dedicated to Shannon. He didn't stay around too long since he was just on last week. He didn't have quite as large of an entourage as he did last week. It was only a couple of people instead of 10 or so on Thursday. Shannon says he just needs some more experience and he'll be a great fighter some day.
Amy Lynn VS Amy Lynn. 3/30/98. 8:45am
Here's some useless confusion for you.. Amy Lynn Baxter, who's been on Howard's show for about 9 years, claims that there's another Amy Lynn down in Ft. Lauderdale impersonating her. Both of them were supposed to come into the studio this morning but only one showed up. Amy Lynn Baxter (ALB) was actually in the studio but Amy Lynn O'Conner (ALO) said she overslept and missed her flight. ALO was on the phone to argue about all of this crap. ALB claims that ALO tells people that she has been on Howard's show. ALO claims that she never tells anyone that she's been on Howard's show and there's no reason to do that. ALB said that she has called strip clubs where ALO is appearing and the clubs tell her that the Amy Lynn appearing is the one from Howard's show. These two argued for about 25 minutes about this crap. Nothing was solved and I don't think anyone really cares. Howard said that he wants to bring them together on the show live instead of having one on the phone. He said something about doing it next week or the week after. When that happens you can read about it here.. even if it's pointless.