Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 2/16/98 to 2/20/98

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-- Friday February 20, 1998 --
• High Pitched Eric - Traitor! 2/20/98. 6:40am
  One of the more recent additions to the collection of losers on the Stern show, High Pitched Eric, turned out to be a traitor. Howard got him on the phone this morning to ask him why he appeared on another New York radio station. At first Eric told Howard that he was on Z-100 before he was on Howard's show but soon changed his story. He admitted that he made a mistake by going on the competing station and that he loved Howard. He didn't just do it once though, he went on at least twice. One of the E! guys said that Eric had asked whether or not he should go on the other station and was told not to. He went ahead and did it anyway. Now Howard wants Eric to come in so he can get spanked for his misbehavior. He won't be spanked by a woman, he'll be spanked by Howard. If and when Eric shows up I'll be sure to mention it right here.

• Howard's Plan For The Bumble Bee Tuna Corporate Jet. 2/20/98. 8:10am
  One of Howard's birthday gifts was the opportunity to use the Bumble Bee Tuna corporate jet. Howard was telling Robin some of his ideas for how he could use it. He said that he'd like to get all of the guys from the show together to fly to the cities where Howard has the best ratings. They would take a weekend and fly around to like 10 cities where there would be women waiting to show their breasts to the guys. He'd also like to have nude massage girls giving them rubdowns on the flight. These are just some ideas so there's no telling what will actually come out of it.

• Celestine The Casio Player Hit By 2 Cars! 2/20/98. 8:25am
  Celestine the armless, legless keyboard player from Atlantic City was injured in an accident last night. A couple of people called in with different reports about the incident. One woman had a newspaper article and another guy had a news report that he played for Howard. Later in the show the news guy from WYSP in Philadelphia called in with even more details. It seems that Celestine was rolling down the middle of the street on her motorized gurney when she was hit by a taxi. She was spun around and then hit by another car. Celestine was brought to the Atlantic City hospital where she was listed in critical condition. I'm sure we all hope she comes out of this okay. I don't think the Atlantic City boardwalk would be the same without her licking that keyboard.

• Super Model Frederique Comes In. 2/20/98. 8:40am
  Super model Frederique came in to plug her web site today. Howard spent a while talking to the 5'11'' tall Victoria's Secret model. It sounded like Howard was in love like he is whenever a gorgeous woman comes in. Frederique had a great sense of humor about everything and even joked with Howard about her bowel movements when Howard asked if she lets her boyfriend see her go to the bathroom. She was pretty open about everything Howard asked. She used to date hockey player Mark Messier. She said that things just didn't work out between the two of them so they broke up. Howard asked her if she ever went out with Donald Trump. She said they never went out. Howard also asked her if she was a 3 input woman. She said that she is open to that. She was actually a fun guest. She hung around to play the Mike Walker game as you can see in the next paragraph.

• The Mike Walker Game With Frederique. 2/20/98. 9:10am
  Here are this week's gossip stories from Mike Walker's National Enquirer column. Three of the stories are true, one is false. Try to pick the one that is false.
  1. Michael Richards has been shaving up to 5 times a day because some gray hairs started showing up in his beard.
  2. David Duchovney will be replaced next year on The X-Files. His replacement has already been signed. He threatened to leave the show if they didn't move production from Canada to Los Angeles. Duchovney will do 9 of the 24 episodes next season.
  3. The man who played Pa Walton on the Waltons tv show is running for Sonny Bono's congressional seat.
  4. Barbara Streisand was seen putting her head on James Brolin's lap while he fed her dessert.
  Frederique picked number 4 as the false story, Jackie chose number 2. Howard started to go with number 1 as the false one but chose 4 because Frederique did. Robin went with Jackie on number 2. The actual false story was number 1. For those X-Files fans out there number 2 will come as a shock. Howard spent a few more minutes with Frederique after the game. He didn't even get a hug from her before she left. He seemed a little bit upset about it after the commercial break. Jackie said that Howard moved in to get a little kiss from her and she backed away. Howard said that didn't happen.

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  -- Thursday February 19, 1998 --

• Tom Arnold Makes A Phony Phone Call To Gary. 2/19/98. 7:35am
  Howard had tape of Tom Arnold getting back at Gary for a phony phone call he made a couple of months ago. Tom was supposed to call Gary and ask him if Howard could plug his show ''The Tom Show''. In return for the plugs Tom was supposed to tell Gary that he knew a great dentist who could fix his teeth. It didn't quite go like Howard wanted it to but Tom did bring up Gary's teeth and how he knew a great dentist who could fit them inside his head like they're supposed to. Tom ended up calling in later to promote the show himself. He said that it's the last show of the season. The show airs Sunday nights at 7:30pm on the WB Network. Howard talked to Tom a little bit about the Chris Farley funeral and how the two of them used to hang out together. They also spoke a bit about Tom's ex-wife Roseanne who recently broke up with her husband Ben.

• Is Ralph Gay? The Debate Continues.. 2/19/98. 8:00am
  Ralph, Big Black and The O.J. Mask(played by Howard's friend Neal) were in today to judge a woman who wanted to pose for Playboy. Well the woman canceled at the last minute so Howard was going to play a game anyway. When Ralph came in Howard brought up the fact that the woman who does his hair seems to think that Ralph may be gay. This subject has been brought up many times before. Ralph even took a lie detector test one time to prove that he's not.. He failed the test. Howard thinks that Ralph is NOT gay and defends him most of the time. This time he didn't seem so sure. Howard gave some examples of why he may be gay. The way Ralph treats women was one example. Howard says that Ralph doesn't date women for any length of time. He usually just goes out with them once and dumps them. At one point a woman called in who slept with Ralph. She said that he's definitely not gay. She said that he didn't kiss like he was gay. After all of that Howard had a really strange story to tell about Ralph. Ralph picked up some woman who gave him oral sex. While she was performing the act she was putting her finger where the sun don't shine. At one point she shoved her finger in and did some damage to Ralph's butt. He was barely able to sit for 2 weeks. Some of the people in the studio thought that it may have been something else that did the damage... So the debate will continue forever.

• The Homeless Game/Jason Priestley Comes In. 2/19/98. 8:40am
  Howard decided to play this game after this woman canceled her appearance today. This was probably the most people who've played the game at one time. Here's how the game goes.. Howard plays tape of a homeless person who's been asked some questions. Everyone has to guess whether or not the guy will answer correctly. Today they were taking bets on it. Jason Priestley showed up as Howard was starting the tape so he came in and played along. Here are a couple of the sample questions to see how out if it the homeless guy might be:
  • New York City is known as The Big.. - Apple - Correct
  • How many dimes are in $1? - 10 - Correct
  After that Howard played the rest of the tape and it was nuts. There was no way to keep track of who was betting who so here are the question followed by the homeless guy's answer and whether or not it was correct.
  • Where does milk come from? - Cow - Correct
  • Who was the first president of the United States? - Abe Lincoln - Wrong
  • Where is the capital of the U.S.? - Washington - Correct
  • What part of the body does a dermatologist take care of? - Skin - Correct
  • Who wrote 'Mein Kampf'? - The Beatles - Wrong
  • How many years until 1999? - We're in it now - Wrong
  • Name one computer company. - Apple Bank - Close enough
  • Who is Popeye's girlfriend? - Olive Oyl - Correct
  • If I have 3 apples and I give one to you, how many apples do you have? - 2 - Wrong
  • What is Mohammed Ali famous for? - Boxing - Correct
  • What food does toast come from? - Bread - Correct
  • How many states are in the U.S.A.? - 72 - Wrong
  • True or False, Science is short for Scientology. - True - Wrong
  • Which of these foods is round, bread or a bagel? - Bagel - Correct
  • What do you call a woman who's married to a King? - Queen - Correct
  • Name your 5 senses. - Knowledge, wisdom, understanding, love.. - Wrong
  • If you bumped your cranium, where would you hurt? - My buttocks - Wrong
  • Name a country in Europe. - Rome - Close enough
  • What is paper made of? - Trees - Correct
  • What does CD stand for? - Culture...(something) - Wrong
  Jason Priestley had come in to promote a new movie that he's in called ''Love and Death On Long Island''. The movie opens in New York this weekend and in Los Angeles next weekend. He co-stars in the movie with John Hurt. Howard spent a little bit of time talking about Jason's tv show ''Beverly Hills 90210''. It's Howard's favorite show. The whole time Jason was there the O.J. Mask was insulting him. He kept saying that he couldn't act and stuff like that. I guess Neal get's some balls when he's hiding inside a rubber mask.

• Wacky Guy With Saddam Hussein Solution. 2/19/98. 10:25am
  Some nutty guy came down to the station this morning claiming that he has a solution for the Iraq situation. He'd been waiting since about 5:30 this morning to get on the show. The guy's car got towed while he was waiting too. Howard finally let him come in around 10:25. The guy sounded very hyper when he came on. He just kept rambling about his solution to the Iraq situation. He wouldn't get to his point and he had a proposal about 80 pages long that he let Howard look at. When the guy, who called himself James Cameron, first came in he said he just needed 8 minutes of Howard's time to tell him everything. Howard told him that he didn't have that kind of time but the guy just wouldn't get to his point. He just rambled on and on. Eventually Howard got the guy to explain what his plan was but it was just stupid. Then Gary came in to take the guy out of the studio but he didn't want to leave. Stuttering John had to come in and wrestle the guy out of the studio. It was insane! A couple of minutes later Stuttering John came back in to retrieve the written proposal because the guy was freaking out that he didn't have it. James said that he was heading down to Washington D.C. To show his proposal to someone.

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  -- Wednesday February 18, 1998 --

• Gary And Stuttering John's Hosting Job. 2/18/98. 7:00am
  Last week Gary and Stuttering John hosted some contest at this place called Webster Hall. The contest was to pick a Spice Channel girl. The Spice Channel is a cable porno channel so the competition included some half naked women. Howard played some tape of John and Gary trying to host this event. The audience wasn't too thrilled with what was going on so there was a lot of booing and chanting happening. At one point Gary and John had to stall the audience while the women got ready to do their thing. The two of them played hot potato with the microphone while they made some lame small talk with the rowdy audience. Stuttering John kept saying ''How's it going'' a bunch of times and Gary told a stupid joke or two. At one point one of the women came out and yelled at the audience after they'd chanted ''Assholes, assholes..'' at the two hosts. It was pretty entertaining, especially for Howard. Howard really got a kick out of it.

• Inventor Of Post-It Notes - George Washington Lincoln!? 2/18/98. 7:40am
  This guy was supposed to come in last Friday to play The Mike Walker Game but he never showed up. Well, it turns out that it's a goof because this guy didn't really invent the Post-It Notes. He's just a wacky black guy pretending to be the inventor. Not too long after he came in he was asking where his money was. He must be some homeless guy they picked up out on the street.

• Howard's Childhood Friend Joey Tascarella Comes In. 2/18/98. 7:55am
  Howard was going to play a game where 3 guys would come in, Howard would ask them questions and try to figure out who was his childhood friend Joey. Well when the 3 guys came in Howard recognized the guy even though he hadn't seen him since 6th grade. Since Howard already knew which one was the real guy he let Robin, Jackie and Fred play the game. They asked the guys a bunch of questions and made their decisions. Robin, Jackie and Fred all picked the wrong guy. The real Joey looked too old to be Howard's age but he was. It turns out that Joe used to be in Howard's band before Howard was in it. Joe's son plays bass in a band by the name of Third Degree. Howard played a little bit of one song and it sounded okay. Howard didn't spend too much time talking about the old days. He did say that they hung out just about every day at least until Joey moved out of town in 6th grade.

• Mike Oehler, Author Of ''The $50 Underground House'', Calls In. 2/18/98. 8:45am
  Howard talked to this guy because he lives in a house he built underground. He also wrote a book about it called ''The Fifty Dollar and Up Underground House Book''. He explained how he built his first house underground for $50 in 1971. His latest home he built for about $500 although when he added up his wood stove and solar electric stuff it bumped it up to over $2000. Still not bad for someplace to live. He obviously doesn't live in a big city. He lives in Idaho in the ground with the potatos I guess. His walls are just paneling with only plastic sheet separating the dirt from the walls. He doesn't have running water so he has to use an outhouse. He said that he doesn't even have a road leading to his home. He works for himself but wouldn't say exactly what it is he does. The book can be ordered through my Book Store if you're interested or you can call 800-247-6553.

• Ex-Intern Gambling Dan Calls In. 2/18/98. 9:35am
  This guy Gambling Dan used to be an intern on the show not too long ago. He called in today because he had some interesting stories to tell about his new career in the film industry. Gary was helping the story along by telling Howard about Dan's obsession with actress Neve Campbell. Neve is on ''Party Of Five'' and has been in both ''Scream'' movies. When Dan worked for the show he was always telling Gary how great Neve was. He used to give Gary tape of Neve on her TV show so Gary could see her talent. Well after Dan left his internship he moved out to California and got some cool jobs. He worked on ''Speed 2'' and some other things. One job he got was kind of a security job on this new series ''Significant Others'' which is produced by the same people who produce ''Party Of Five''. His job was to protect the actors from nuts who might want to get to the cast of both shows. So he was actually protecting Neve from people like himself. He even got to go out to dinner with Neve and a bunch of other people. It was a stalker's dream come true. I think he said that he left that job for something else. He also said that he met Mel Gibson. Mel is a fan of Howard's according to Dan. Some interns actually leave the show and go on to better things.. unlike Stuttering John.

• Web Site Of The Day? 2/18/98. 10:30am
  During the news today Robin read an article that mentioned something about Frank Sinatra's web site. Howard checked it out real quick but there wasn't anything really cool there. Maybe they'll put a ''Death Watch'' page on there sometime? www.sinatra.com

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  -- Tuesday February 17, 1998 --

• Howard's Trip To L.A. 2/17/98. 6:10am
  Howard spent most of his 3 day weekend out in Los Angeles. He had to go back out there to re-shoot the new E! show opening. The last time they shot it the cameras didn't work like they were supposed to. Hopefully this time they'll have worked correctly. Howard also hung out with the lead singer of the Counting Crows a little bit. He was even invited to a ''Hot Model'' party which was later downgraded to a ''Hot Chick'' party and then down to just some 30 year old chick's birthday party in a hotel room. Someone told Howard that there were going to be a lot more women than men at the party so they needed some guys to show up. Howard figured there would be like 50 women and 5 men. It turned out to be the other way around. Too many guys and not enough women. He said that they were pretty good looking but like 3 of them were puking in the bathroom and the others were talking to guys already. Howard said he ended up talking to a bunch of guys instead.

• Benjy The Intern Goes To The Toy Fair. 2/17/98. 8:20am
  Benji, the new intern on the show, got his chance to go out and ask questions. He didn't get the best gig but it was pretty funny. He went to a toy fair at the Jacob Javits Convention Center. I guess these are people who have new toys that they're trying to sell. Before Howard got around to playing the tape he was talking to Benjy. It turns out that Benjy slept with some old woman when he was 19. He said that the woman was probably in her 60's when he got her. Howard didn't want to spend too much time on that subject so he moved on to the tape. The first interview Benjy got was with some Chinese people. He asked wacky questions like ''Do you believe that President Clinton had oral sex with his intern?'' and ''Would you let the British nanny babysit you kids?'' and ''Have you ever urinated in a public pool?''. The funniest part was when this woman would interpret the question for her partner. The next person he interviewed was some guy selling something called the Magna Driedel. The guy didn't want to answer any of the sex or urination questions so Benjy had to move along. He tried to ask some guy dressed up as Arny The Aardvark the same sex and urination questions but Arny didn't think it was appropriate. The final interview was with Richard Simmons. He was there at the toy fair with some stupid doll of some kind. Benjy only got off about 1 question before Richard had security throw him out of the event.

• Heather Locklear Comes In. 2/17/98. 8:40am
  Heather Locklear came in to promote ''Melrose Place'' today. She just had a baby a couple of months ago but Howard said that she looks great. Howard was wondering how she stays so damn skinny. She said that she takes a dump about 3 or 4 times a day! It flows right through her! She said that she eats tacos and that seems to keep things moving. ''Melrose Place'' is one of Howard's favorite tv shows. He said that he stays up late just to watch it each Monday night. He does the same for ''Beverly Hills 90210'' on Wednesday nights. Since Heather used to be married to Tommy Lee Howard asked her if she'd seen the video of Tommy and Pamela Lee yet. She said that she hasn't seen it but has heard a lot about it from people. Heather is now married to Richie Sambora from the band Bon Jovi. Heather says that Richie is even bigger in the pants than Tommy Lee. Check out the tape and you'll see just how big Tommy Lee is. Howard also spent some time talking about how great ''Melrose Place'' has been since Heather joined the show. It turns out that Heather gets paid very well for her role on the show. She didn't say exactly what she makes but it sounds like it's up around $300,000 per episode! She said she's very happy with what she makes on the show. ''Melrose Place'' airs Mondays at 8pm on Fox.

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  -- Monday February 16, 1998 --

• The Best Of Stern. 2/16/98.
  No Howard today. It's Presidents Day so Howard has off. He'll be back tomorrow though. Here are today's ''Best Of'' features:
  • Mr. Ed meets Jessica Hahn.
  • 2 Navy guys come in to talk about gays in the military.
  • Howard plays tape of Jackie on some cable show talking about his relationship with his wife.
  • Jackie talks about a beer tasting event he went to/Jackie's Wife wore revealing white dress.
  • Steve Grillo's analysis of President Clinton's health care plan.
  • Arnold Schwartzenegger comes in to promote ''The Last Action Hero''.
  • Robin reports on a 2 headed baby and a woman calls in to complain.
  • Howard is thrilled when Don Imus ends up in the hospital with a collapsed lung/Clinical Psychologist calls in to tell Howard he's disturbed.
  • Hatian woman yells about President Clinton.