Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 12/7/98 to 12/11/98

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-- Friday December 11, 1998 --
• Houston - Taj Update. 12/11/98. 6:20am
  The listener who got sex from porn star Houston last week finally called in. Taj has been on the run from his parole officer since last Friday so it's been hard for him to get in touch with the show. Taj told Howard this morning that his parole officer heard him on the show and now he's trying to find him. I guess going on the show was a parole violation. Taj also told Howard that his story about never being able to have an orgasm with a woman was a hoax. Howard thinks that Taj is just back pedalling because his friends are goofing on him. Taj denied that but Howard pointed out that Houston spent 30 minutes giving him oral before he actually did come to completion. Taj said that Houston's oral sex wasn't as good as he's ever had. Howard told Taj to call in next Monday after his show has aired on the Saturday night syndicated show.

• Melrose Larry Calls In With Tape Of Kathie Lee Gifford. 12/11/98. 7:00am
  Everyone's least favorite wack pack member, Melrose Larry Green, called in with some tape for Howard to hear. Melrose sits around his house scanning the TV for interesting material to play for Howard. This time he found Kathie Lee Gifford and her sister talking on the Pat Robertson religious show ''The 700 Club.'' The 15 minutes worth of tape had Kathie Lee's sister interviewing Kathie about their past Christmas'. Howard likes to point out that Kathie Lee was Jewish until she was 13 when she changed religions. Melrose kept telling Howard that he had more to talk to him about but Howard can only take him for so long. Once the tape of Kathie Lee was done Howard hung up on Melrose.

• KC's Celebrity Interviews. 12/11/98. 7:45am
  Associate Producer KC was out at the premiere of the movie ''You've Got Mail'' and got a couple of quick interviews. First up was actress Donna Dixon. KC didn't know who she was and said she didn't look that good. She used to look good when she was younger and Howard said he'd bang her. KC went ahead and asked her a few questions:
  • Do you think Volkswagen should pay back the Jews they enslaved during World War II?
  • What color underwear are you wearing?
  • Do you allow yourself to be photographed during your period?
  • Did you ever do a black guy?
  Donna didn't get what KC was trying to say about the VW thing. She said that people should just ''live in the moment'' and that VW probably donates money for them. Howard noticed that her voice is affected. She sounds British. She said her underwear color started with the letter G and that she's breast feeding so she doesn't have to worry about her period for a year. The final question made Donna disappear. The second interview was with model Christie Brinkley. KC said she looked amazing for a woman in her 40's. He asked her ''Do you allow yourself to be photographed during your period?'' and she asked him if she was from Howard's show. He then ran away. So that was it for KC's interviews.

• Chaunce Hayden's Big Story? 12/11/98. 7:50am
  Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out Magazine called in with what he thought was an important story. He told Howard about a band he interviewed called Hades. Chaunce said that the band had sent a tape to the band Metallica and that they may have stolen Hades's opening riff and used it for their song ''Enter Sandman.'' Howard played a tiny bit of Metallica's song and Chaunce played some of Hades's tape. They sounded a little bit alike but Howard told Chaunce that it wasn't enough to make a lawsuit out of. Chaunce said that Hades's got an album coming out soon. That's probably the reason they're bringing this up now. That Metallica song has been around for years and they're just making a big deal out of it now?

• The Gossip Game With Guest Jenna Jameson. 12/11/98. 8:40am
  Porn star Jenna Jameson came in to talk to Howard about some rumors he's heard. Howard recently read that Jenna and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue were together as a couple. That news upset Howard because he doesn't think Tommy should be getting her. Howard said that he'd understand why Tommy would go after her because she'd bring home other women to have sex with. Howard said that Jenna is looking better than ever and she told him she's has some plastic surgery. She had a chin implant done and had her nose fixed. She also lost 15 pounds and had her breast implants redone to make them look more natural. Howard wanted her to hold off on telling her story about Tommy Lee until after Mike Walker's gossip game. He put Mike on the phone and within a minute Howard had her explaining her whole story. Jenna said that she is not screwing Tommy Lee although he has been pursuing her. She said they've been friends since she was 18 years old but they've never had sex and they haven't even kissed. She did say that Tommy showed up when she was doing a show out in Las Vegas. He didn't get her there though. Then she said that she has a boyfriend and she wouldn't cheat on him. Howard said that maybe she's covering up the Tommy Lee thing so she doesn't lose her boyfriend. Now that the real story was out Howard could move on to the Mike Walker Gossip Game.

  Mike calls in each week with 4 stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column, one is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this weeks 4 stories:

  1. Barbara Streisand yelled out ''That's disgusting'' when she saw her husband's fat belly hanging over his pants. She had all sweets banned from the set of his TV show so he could lose 7 pounds.
  2. Gena Lee Nolin tried to stop a look-alike from using a name that sounded like hers in a porno film. The name Tina Lee Dolan will continue to use the name.
  3. Meg Ryan decided to keep some silicone bra stuffers for her personal use after using them in a new movie. She said the falsies get her noticed when she walks in a room.
  4. Danny Devito was showing his son how to ride a bicycle when a bunch of people started laughing at him. They were laughing at him because a bird crapped on his bicycle helmet.
  Jenna chose number 2 as the false story. Howard, Jackie and Fred all chose number 1 and Robin chose number 3. The winner was Jenna Jameson. She knew the correct answer because she'd never heard of a porn actress by the name of Tina Lee Dolan.

  After the game Jenna hung around for a few more minutes. Jenna told Howard she lost her weight because some gossip rag said she was fat. She also said that she's filming a new porn flick and it'll be all female sex. She hasn't done any movies in about a year so this is somewhat of a comeback for her. She said she's waiting for a good script to come along before she does sex scenes with guys. She said she'll be coming up with the sex scenes for the all female movie and she wants to do a bondage theme. Howard suggested she do a movie called ''Star Whores'' and Howard could play the part of Obi One-inch Kenobi. Jackie could play the part of Luke Jokewalker. Howard then asked her if she'd ever do any gang bang movies. Jenna said no way to that. They're too weird according to her. Howard couldn't get over how good she looked so he asked her to strip down and show off her new breasts. Jenna is down to 103 pounds so even she admits that her breasts look more ridiculous than ever. Howard said that she looks really great. Howard had her lie down on the couch to see how naturally her breasts would fall. They looked good to him! Jenna said she spent about $10,000 on her plastic surgery. She got a good deal from a friend of her boyfriend's. Howard took some phone calls and one of them was female bodybuilder Nicole Bass. It turns out that the two of them know each other and Jenna really likes Nicole. They sounded like two high school girls on the phone with each other. Howard asked Jenna if she'd ever have lesbian sex with Nicole. Jenna said she loves Nicole but wouldn't really say yes or no to the question. Jenna can be seen in Club magazine each month and has a web site at www.clubjenna.com

• Listener Calls In With A Trivia Game. 12/11/98. 9:35am
  A listener called in with a Jeopardy-type game for Howard to play. Howard was getting ready to do the news so he kind of rushed through the game. Howard picked Spinoffs as the topic. The guy had TV shows that were spun off from other TV shows so Howard had to guess which ones they came from. There were no real rules for the game so Howard just did most of them himself instead of letting Robin play. Here are some of the spinoffs and the show's they were spun from:
  • Laverne & Shirley - Happy Days
  • Frasier - Cheers
  • The Jeffersons - All In The Family
  • Benson - Soap
  • Mork and Mindy - Happy Days
  • Facts of Life - Diff'rent Strokes
  The next topic was Cartoon Duos. The guy gave one cartoon character and Howard had to give the partner. Howard started rushing through this one...
  • Butt-head - Beavis
  • Heckle - Jeckle
  • Tom - Jerry
  • Ren - Stimpy
  • Chip - Dale
  • Pinky - The Brain
  This ain't brain surgery.. The last topic was Super Hero's. The guy gave Howard the alter ego and Howard had to give the Super Hero's name. This one they rushed through so quick I couldn't keep up. Here's some of them:
  • Clark Kent - Superman
  • Peter Parker - Spiderman
  • Dick Grayson - Robin
  • Bruce Banner - The Incredible Hulk
  • Diana Price - Wonder Woman
  So it was a good way to waste 5-10 minutes. It was just as good as any of KC's games. The guy had a whole bunch of topics so they could have gone on forever but Howard was in a rush to get to the news.

  ---

  -- Thursday December 10, 1998 --

• Stripper Kendra Jade And Friends Visit. 12/10/98. 6:15am
  Kendra Jade, the woman who was taped having sex with Jerry Springer, and her step mother Kelly came in this morning. Kendra's friend Vicki(or Caroline) also came in. Vicki was all drunk and wasted on 4 valium's that she took in the green room. They were all out partying at 3 in the morning. Howard said they were supposed to show up at 7am but they were there at 6. Vicki said that she had like 20 shots of some kind of booze earlier and she was acting like she was really wasted. Howard had Gary give her a breathalyzer test to find out just how drunk she was. She only blew a .05 so she wasn't too bad off. It must have been the valium. Near the end of the segment a woman called in to yell at Kendra for what she did to Jerry Springer. The woman, Missy, claimed to be a good friend of Jerry's and threatened to beat the crap out of Kendra. Kendra was thrilled. She said she loves to fight and even gave out her home address in California so Missy could meet her there. Missy kept threatening Kendra and Kendra just ate it up. She's not afraid to fight the woman. Kendra even offered to fly the woman in so they could fight it out. Missy told Kendra that she'd get her when she least expects it. Kendra told her that she carries a gun so she's not afraid. Kendra is on probation for something so technically she's not allowed to carry a gun. She doesn't care! Eventually Howard had to end the party so he played some butt bongo on Kendra's ass. Kendra will be appearing at Club International in New Haven, CT. from December 16-17. Vicki said she dances at Mardi Gras in Springfield, MA.

• New Orleans Situation Under Control. 12/10/98. 8:10am
  The other day a listener called in complaining about the way the New Orleans station was chopping up Howard's radio show. Howard said that he was going to talk to his agent about it and get it fixed. Today he said that they talked to them and they shouldn't be editing the show anymore. The board operator, Domingo, was on the phone again today and Howard asked him if he's been told not to edit the show. Domingo said that he only has to edit out the ''N'' word. Howard said ''you mean nig*er?'' That's the one! Howard asked Domingo if ''Chink'' was okay. Domingo just said that one is up in the air.

• Stroke Victim Who Woke Up A Genius. 12/10/98. 8:35am
  This guy Fred Cuellar called in to talk to Howard about how he woke up a genius after having a stroke... at least that's what Howard thought the guy wanted to say. Howard read some of Fred's IQ test scores from before the stroke. He had like a 100-127 IQ before the stroke. Fred said that after the stroke he had a hunger for knowledge so he started reading all kinds of books that he wouldn't have read before. He then tested at a 186 IQ which is considered genius. Fred told Howard that he owns a diamond business called Diamond Cutters International and he's designed a lot of Super Bowl rings. He wrote a book called How to Buy a Diamond : Insider Secrets for Getting Your Money's Worth but he wasn't on to promote that one. Howard wanted to find out just how smart this dude really was so he had some IQ test questions. Here's one example:
  • Which one of these 5 items is least likely:
    • Stocking
    • Dress
    • Shoe
    • Purse
    • Hat
  Fred just wouldn't answer the question without Howard begging him to give an answer, any answer. Howard asked him about 3 or 4 more questions but Fred went on to avoid every one that Howard asked. Every time Howard would ask the guy something he'd go off on a boring speech about how he over analyzes stuff after the stroke. Who cares? Howard moved on to read some quotes from Fred which turned out to be from Fred's latest book ''Fredisms.'' There's one quote per page according to Howard. There's weird quotes like ''When you make up your mind, make sure it's your mind you're making up.'' When Howard read those quotes he'd ask Fred what he meant. Fred would start of every sentence with ''What I was trying to say was...'' and go off on another boring talk. Howard told Fred that he wanted to believe he was a genius but he wasn't helping out. A bunch of callers told Howard that the guy was just avoiding everything Howard asked him. That was obvious. There aren't that many things that bore me on Howard's show but this guy sure did. The guy wasn't even funny annoying, he was just plain annoying. By the end of the interview the guy was saying that he doesn't think of himself as a genius. You can order his book ''Fredisms'' by calling 800-357-5665.

• More Games From KC. 12/10/98. 9:20am
  Associate Producer KC had more games for Howard to play today. The first game was ''Who has bigger breasts.'' KC had 3 women and Howard had to guess who had the biggest chest. Howard asked him how he got the information. It came off the web. Just because it's on the web doesn't mean it's true. Howard played anyway. The first game included Jennifer Aniston, Mariah Carrey and one other woman. According to KC, Jennifer Aniston has the biggest cup size with a 34-C bra size. Howard seems to think that Mariah has bigger breasts though. The second choice was between Tyra Banks, Kirstie Alley and Angela Basset. Howard picked Kirstie and, according to KC, he was correct. Kirstie has a D-Cup breast size. The next game KC played was okay. He had quotes from Chaunce Hayden's ''Steppin' Out Magazine'' interviews. Howard had to guess which celebrity the quote came from. He did about 3 of them and had quotes from
  • Carrot Top claiming he's funnier than Howard
  • Richard Belzer saying that Howard can't make or break a celebrity
  • Richard Simmons saying that Howard is mean to him
  Howard didn't have much time to screw around with this stuff so he told KC to come back some other time to play the games.

• Scott The Engineer Sells His Infinity Stock. 12/10/98. 10:05am
  Stuttering John was telling Howard that the Infinity stocks that just hit the stock market today were up about 4 points 30 minutes after the market opened. Scott the engineer sold 1700 of his 2000 shares by 10am this morning. He made about $7000 on that sell. Howard found out about it when Gary told him that Scott was talking to his stock broker instead of working. Scott came in all pissed off and told Howard that he was on his lunch break when he made that call. Howard called his father to tell him that the stock was up already so he'd made money. His father told him that you don't make the money until you sell it. Gary has 1000 shares of his own and Stuttering John has 1000. Howard, Robin and Jackie have the stock but won't say just how many shares. Everyone was monitoring the prices as the show went on.

  ---

  -- Wednesday December 9, 1998 --

• Howard Producing A Movie! 12/9/98. 6:20am
  Howard made a really quick mention about how he's producing a movie. He said he'll give everyone the details in a couple of months. All he said was that he's been meeting with the writer of the movie. That was it.

• Houston Update. 12/9/98. 6:25am
  For those of you following the ongoing saga of porn star Houston and the fact that she gave oral sex to one of Howard's listeners, here's a little update. The winner of the sex, Taj, hasn't been heard from since the day he received it. Gary told Howard that Taj was being driven home when he just decided to get out of the car on the highway! Gary said Taj got out of the car, ran across the highway and hasn't been heard from. On the other side of the story, Howard said that they'll be showing the Dial-A-Date event on his syndicated Saturday night show this week. New footage is being shot out at Houston's home in California. They're doing some opening shots and stuff with Houston in some sexy clothes.

• Corey Feldman Calls In. 12/9/98. 7:00am
  Actor Corey Feldman called in to get Howard's opinion of his new concept album. Corey recently sent a few songs from the album to Howard. Howard played a tiny bit of it last week and didn't say much about it. Corey heard about it and wanted Howard's opinion today. Howard told him that he didn't want to say anything about it because he hadn't heard it. Corey knew that he did so Howard couldn't get that over on him. Howard still didn't want to say anything because he knows Corey would get upset. Gary the Retard was there so Howard played some of it for him to review. Gary liked it but Corey didn't seem to think that a retard's review would fly with the rest of Howard's audience. Howard played some of the songs to make Corey happy but when he took phone calls there weren't may positive comments about it. One guy suggested that Corey take some music lessons for a while before creating another album. Corey said he's never studied anything that he's ever done, including acting. You can order the CD over at www.vegasrecords.com.

• Gary The Retard In Money Machine. 12/9/98. 7:30am
  Gary the Retard was in town for the Intern Beauty Pageant yesterday so Howard had him back in this morning. This time they put him in the money machine so he could get some Scores funny money. Gary was dressed up as Santa Claus so he could go out on the street and greet some people later in the show. The money machine is a tall box that blows money around while someone tries to grab it. They put Gary in and let the funny money blow. There was $1500 in funny money and Gary ended up with $700 of it. The funny money is used for lap dances at the Scores strip club which Gary the Retard loves. He'll be having a lot of fun with that money today.

• No New Stuttering John Interviews? Just Play The Old Stuff. 12/9/98. 7:55am
  Everyone loves when Stuttering John goes out and interviews celebrities. John has become so recognizable that it's hard for him to get into any events now. I guess that's why Howard played some really old Stuttering John interviews this morning. He played one of Brad Pitt and Juliette Lewis being interviewed back around the time the movie ''Thelma and Louise'' came out. Brad and Juliette both knew who John was and they answered some of his questions. One the other hand, when John tried to interview Rosie O'Donnell, he got blown off by her. That was another really old interview. John was asking Rosie about why she didn't like Jackie the Jokeman anymore. She said she still liked him and knew his wife Nancy. I guess Howard had a little time to kill today and this was the best way to do it.

• Listener Tom Challenges Jackie To Joke Writing Contest. 12/9/98. 8:20am
  This guy Tom recently wrote a letter to Howard saying that he can write better comedy material than Jackie the Jokeman. Today Howard had Tom come in to have the contest on the spot. Howard would give them a topic and they had to come up with a funny joke. Howard only did 4 topics and Tom just wasn't up to the challenge. That's not saying that Jackie's stuff was hilarious but it was better than Tom's. The four topics were:
  • Black guy joke
  • Howard Stern
  • AIDS
  • President Clinton
  Tom was a little drunk when he came in so that may have messed up his thought process a little bit. His first joke was a lame one about Jackie's wife Nancy and her black boyfriend. Jackie's joke was about a guy who's half black and half polish stealing a bike. The Howard Stern jokes were both pretty lame. Jackie's AIDS joke was really long and just a little bit funny. Tom's was simple and offensive. He said ''What does AIDS stand for? - Analy Infected Dumb Scumbag.'' Yikes! Tom's President Clinton joke was ''What's the difference between Clinton and Larry King? - Clinton screws pigs, Larry marries them.'' So bad.. Jackie's was ''Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have any brothers or sisters? - Monica swallowed the.'' Not much better than Tom's. Of course Jackie won out because his jokes were a step above Tom's.

• Denver, Colorado Press Conference. 12/9/98. 8:45am
  Another press conference has passed. This time it's for the newest radio market for Howard, Denver, Colorado. KXPK FM 96.5 started broadcasting a couple of weeks ago so they held a press conference for the local journalists. This time there were a few journalist from real newspapers and a few from web sites. The questions are never that great but this time they weren't as dumb as usual. Howard spent some time talking to a gay reporter and a spanish reporter who is still asking about the Selena incident from years ago. Some of the web sites that were represented were:
  • www.denverradio.net
  • www.radiodigest.com
  There really weren't any great questions worth mentioning.

• Gary The Retard Is Santa Claus! 12/9/98. 9:45am
  After the press conference Howard came back from a commercial break and showed Robin how Gary the Retard was out on the street greeting people as Santa Claus. Gary was out yelling ''Ho, Ho, Ho'' and asking people what they want for Christmas. A couple of people knew who he was but most didn't. A few people brought their kids up to him thinking he was a normal Santa. When Gary would start talking in his loud voice the kids would get freaked out. Gary sang a little bit of ''Santa Claus is Coming To Town'' for the people out there. He tried picking up a couple of women but they weren't interested in going to Scores with him. Howard was feeding him some lines for the women. He told Gary to tell them he was a ''Human love machine'' and he did it. The women ran away shortly after that. Howard would go to the audio feed of Gary Claus once in a while during the news. He had to go to it when he saw a couple of Nuns standing there with Gary. One of the guys from E! was asking the Nuns if they thought he was the most disturbing Santa he'd ever seen. They were very polite and wished them all a merry Christmas.

  ---

  -- Tuesday December 8, 1998 --

• Everyone Buying Infinity Stock. 12/8/98. 6:15am
  Howard was telling Robin how he's going to buy some of the IPO of Infinity stock when it comes out tomorrow. Stuttering John came in and asked Howard how many shares he's going to buy. Howard didn't give John a real answer but John said that he's buying 1000 shares. As the discussion went on Howard found out that the price for the stock will be between $18 and $22 per share. That means that John is going to be shelling out like $20,000. He's the one who's always mooching lunches off of Jackie but he's got that much to throw around on stocks. Howard explained how this stock offering came to be. Before Howard's boss merged with CBS Broadcasting his company was Infinity Broadcasting. When they merged they became CBS. Now Mel Karmazin is going to re-create Infinity and out come the stocks.

• The 1998 Winter Intern Beauty Pageant. 12/8/98. 7:40am
  Yes, it's that time of year once again. Each time the end of an Intern semester comes to an end Howard and the gang hold an Intern Beauty Pageant. This time there are 5 contestants and 3 judges. The Judges for this pageant are KKK member Daniel Carver, Gary the Retard and ex-intern Gay Rich. Howard introduced each of them, gave Gary the Retard a quiz, then quickly moved on to the pageant. Each contestant was first judged on their beauty. Howard then questioned them to get an idea of their personality. Last but not least was the Talent portion. Each contestant sang a song parody about themselves. Listed below are the scores that were given by each judge.

  Contestant number 1 was Melissa, a 22 year old wearing a bikini top. Howard asked her a few questions like:

  • Where was the wildest place you ever pleasured yourself? - A movie theater
  • How many orgasms have you had in one day? - Six
  • Where was the strangest place you ever had sex? - In a bathroom sink
  For her talent, Melissa sang ''Blue Melissa'' to the tune of ''Blue Christmas.'' Here scores are below:
  

  Melissa	Beauty	Personality	Talent	Totals
  Daniel Carver	10	10	8	28
  Gary Retard	10	10	10	30
  Gay Rich	5	9	7	21
  				79

  Contestant number 2 was Janine. She's a 21 year old and was wearing some kind of see through outfit. Some of the personality questions asked were:

  • How many sex partners should a woman have before marriage? - Less than 10
  • Is penis size important? - No
  • If you had your own talk show what 3 people would you have on it? - Nadia Kominich, Daniel Carver and her ancestors
  For the talent portion Janine sang ''Janine The Intern'' to the tune of ''Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.''
  

  Janine	Beauty	Personality	Talent	Totals
  Daniel Carver	8	4	6	18
  Gary Retard	10	10	10	30
  Gay Rich	10	9	9	28
  				76

  Contestant number 3 was 23 year old virgin Ann Marie. She was wearing a mini skirt and a shawl. Personality questions included:

  • Who is your biggest hero? - Mom
  • If you were going to kill someone how would you do it? - Hire someone else
  For the talent she sang ''I'm No Whore'' to the tune of ''Let It Snow.''
  

  Ann Marie	Beauty	Personality	Talent	Totals
  Daniel Carver	10	10	10	30
  Gary Retard	10	10	10	30
  Gay Rich	9	7.5	8	24.5
  				84.5

  Contestant number 4 was red head Siobhan wearing an ugly dress according to Gay Rich. Some of her personality questions included:

  • What was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you? - The dress comment from Rich
  • Does Religion play a role in your life? - Yes
  • Who is your hero? - Madonna
  For the talent portion Siobhan sang ''Ginger Hair'' to the tune of ''Jingle Bells.''
  

  Siobhan	Beauty	Personality	Talent	Totals
  Daniel Carver	10	10	10	30
  Gary Retard	10	10	10	30
  Gay Rich	5	9	8	22
  				82

  The final contestant was Marni who almost didn't enter the contest. One of the CBS guys talked her into entering it though. Howard asked her a few sex questions but she pled the 5th and didn't give any answers. For the talent portion Marni sang ''Marni The Intern'' to the tune of ''Frosty The Snowman.''
  

  Marni	Beauty	Personality	Talent	Totals
  Daniel Carver	9	8	9	26
  Gary Retard	10	10	1	21
  Gay Rich	9	6	8	23
  				70

  While Gary was tabulating the scores Howard brought in 2 former winners Heather and Deb. He spoke to them for a minute then Gary announced the runners-up and the winner. The winner won a bunch of stuff like:

  • A 5 day trip to London courtesy of Priceline.com
  • Diamond earrings courtesy of Steven Singer Jewelers
  • Breast Implants courtesy of Dr. Sal Calabro
  • A full day at a Maximus Spa
  • Getty gas gift certificate
  • Sony CD Walkman
  • A Tag Heur watch and Sony Playstation courtesy of Gamedealer.com
  • $500 gift certificate for Dial-A-Mattress
  • Fragrancounter.com gift certificate
  • Diamonds from Fidelity Diamond
  • A free pair of Skechers shoes
  Quite a load of gifts huh? The winner, Ann Marie, ended up giving her breast implant prize to Siobhan. Ann Marie said she gave them to her because they're close friends. Melissa announced that she'll be appearing in the April issue of Low Rider magazine in a sexy outfit. Check your newsstand starting in March. Daniel Carver was plugging his KKK Christmas catalog and if you check the bottom of my Daniel Carver Movie Review Summary page you'll find the address.

• Trouble With New Orleans Affiliate! 12/8/98. 9:15am
  A listener called Howard to tell him about how KKND 106.7 in New Orleans has been chopping up the show lately. They've been cutting out all sexual and racial mentions on the show. Howard had Gary get the board operator, Domingo, on the phone to find out what's going on. Domingo said that he's just doing what he's told and they are doing it. He said he's just trying to protect the station he works for. Howard said he's going to talk to his agent to see if they can get the show pulled off the station because it's not worth it to have a chopped up show on the air down there. This has just started happening in the past few weeks according to the caller and the board op. It sounds like KKND may be having trouble getting advertisers and that's why they're editing the show. Looks like Howard's days may be numbered down there.

• Janine To Get Implants From Another Doctor! 12/8/98. 9:30am
  Janine the intern really wants breast implants bad. She's said that for months now. She didn't win the beauty pageant so a woman from a doctor's office called Howard and said they'd be willing to give Janine her implants free of charge. Janine was thrilled of course. Janine came into the studio and Howard let her talk to the Doctor for a minute. Janine said that she'd like to get a ''full C'' breast with the implants. Howard tried to fix up the doctor and Janine but Janine said she's not single. The doctor said he's single but he doesn't date his patients. I'm sure we'll hear more about this after Janine has the procedure done.

• Let The Cat Fighting Begin! 12/8/98. 9:35am
  After the beauty pageant was over a couple of the contestants got in a little bit of a fight. Melissa mentioned something about the winner Anne Marie wearing a slutty outfit. Melissa said that if she knew that she could wear a slutty outfit she would have. Gary said he let the girls know that they could wear any ''sexy outfit'' they want to. Some chose gowns, some chose bikini tops. It's all in good fun right? Now that the prizes are so good the fighting should get even better!

  ---

  -- Monday December 7, 1998 --

• Howard Reads More Dirt On The French. 12/7/98. 6:55am
  Howard read an article about the French that came out of the New York Times recently. It basically said that they're filthy pigs who rarely bathe. It said that they invented perfume over there to cover up their stink. Howard read about some statistics that came from a paper over in France. It said that only about 46% of people polled bathe every day. Only about 60% change their underwear every day and 40 something percent wash their hands after using the bathroom. Howard hates the French for a lot of reasons, this is just one more to add to the list.

• Howard's Bad Day At The Park. 12/7/98. 7:30am
  This guy called in this morning to talk about how he met Howard at some park over the weekend. Howard said that he was glad the guy called in because he really pissed him off at the park. Howard explained how this guy followed him around the park and ended up asking Howard to jump start his car. Howard said that the guy was having car trouble at the front gate of the park but he made it a point to follow Howard into the park and park his car near Howard's. He then followed Howard, his wife and his dog Java through the park. Howard told his wife that he knew the guy would be waiting in his car when they got there and he was right. The guy had his hood open and asked Howard if he'd give him a jump start. Howard told him no because he was late to pick up his daughter. The guy on the phone said that it's a public park and he walks his own dog there all the time. Howard didn't disagree with that, he was just pissed that the guy acted like he did.

• Laura, The 31 Year Old Who Sounds Like A 11 Year Old Boy, Comes In. 12/7/98. 7:40am
  A few weeks back, on 11/12/98, this person called in claiming to be a 31 year old woman who wants to get laid. The person sounded so much like a young boy that Howard just couldn't believe that it was a woman. He spent about 20 minutes questioning the person about stuff that a woman should know. The person got some pretty easy answers wrong but kept insisting she was a 31 year old woman. Well, that person came in today to prove her claim. Howard expected to see a little boy walk in but it really was a 31 year old woman! The voice was the same but now Howard was seeing a woman with C-cup breasts sitting there. She owns her own recording studio down in Orlando, Florida so she brought in a CD for Howard to play. I didn't catch the name of the artist but someone told me it was Terry Binion. It didn't sound too bad Laura didn't spend too much time in the studio since Howard liked her better when he thought she was a young boy. She told Howard that she wants to get laid like 800 times a day but he didn't set her up with anyone. Laura came in with some guy friend who she gave oral sex to last night. The guy said she's not his type but she begged him to do it so he gave in. Laura even told a really racist joke while she was there. She really did act like a 10 year old boy! The name of Laura's recording studio is Wallflower records and it's located in Orlando, Fl.

• Howard Listens To The John Lennon Tapes. 12/7/98. 8:35am
  Howard listened to some tape of the latest CD that Yoko Ono released. The CD has all kinds of behind the scenes stuff from the Beatles in the studio and some stuff from John just goofing around at home. Howard played some boring stuff from John and Phil Spector yelling at each other in the studio and never getting around to playing their songs. There were a couple of tapes that Howard just called ''weird'' and said he'd never buy a CD with something like that on it. When Howard was done listening he said that he had tape of John Lennon doing things like walking, lighting farts and waiting in a limo for Yoko. Those were just the sound effects that Fred plays but it was just as interesting as the Yoko tapes.

• Porn Star Houston Calls In With Dial-A-Date Update. 12/7/98. 9:00am
  Last Friday Porn star Houston came in to play a dating type game(Read about it). The winner of the game was guaranteed sex with Houston. After a lot of confusion Howard finally got Houston on the phone. The winner didn't show up at the studio this morning to talk about his experience. Cameraman Mike Gange sat in for Taj, the winner. Gange explained how they followed Taj to Houston's hotel room. There was no ''date'' to speak of. Gange said Houston was wearing really tight dress with no underwear on. Houston was just going to give the guy sex. Houston ran into a little trouble when her period hit her the day before. Houston was still willing to have sex with the guy but she gave him a second choice of oral sex. Taj chose not to have intercourse with her because of her period. Houston said she got naked for Taj and he had no problem getting excited. She said he was pretty well endowed. She told Howard that she ended up performing oral sex for about 30 minutes! Last week Taj said that he was unable to ever orgasm when he's been with a woman. He didn't have that problem with Houston. It took a while but he came to completion so to speak. Houston said her jaw was starting to hurt after all that time but she was committed to finishing the guy off. Howard told her that she was really sweet for doing this for one of his listeners. She told Howard that she enjoyed doing it too! What a woman.. Houston will be appearing at Scores in Salem, Oregon from Tuesday 12/9 to Saturday 12/12.