Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 11/16/98 to 11/20/98

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-- Friday November 20, 1998 --
• Marni And Amber Play The Gossip Game. 11/20/98. 7:00am
  Two female listeners came in to show Howard their breasts and play the Mike Walker gossip game. Howard got right to Mike Walker so he could check out their breasts when they got that out of the way. Mike Walker calls in each week with 4 stories from his National Enquirer column. Three of the stories are true and one is false. Everyone tries to guess the false story. Here are this week's 4 stories:
  1. Rick Schroeder, who joined ''NYPD Blue'' this season, is having trouble learning his lines. Co-star Dennis Franz told Rick to learn some police lingo and stop complaining.
  2. Magic Johnson's wife Cookie talked him out of managing Mike Tyson. Johnson was planning on doing that but his wife thought better of it and stopped the bad idea in it's tracks.
  3. Adam Sandler let a friend stay at his apartment while he was away for a while. Sandler got upset when he found $300 in phone sex calls on his phone bill. He reluctantly paid the bill.
  4. Delta Burke is planning to star in a new romantic comedy with her husband Gerald McRainy. Her husband will stick to his current TV show and will do both. The show will be about a fat woman trying to lose weight to save her marriage.
  Amber and Jackie both chose number 1 as the false story. Marni and Howard chose number 3 and Robin and Fred chose number 4. The actual false story was number 3. Marni and Howard won today.

  After the game Marni and Amber took their tops off and showed Howard their breasts. Amber has implants and works at a strip club called ''Divas'' as a cocktail waitress. Howard said her breasts were very natural looking. Once they showed their breasts Howard was done with them so he ended the segment.

• Pet Therapist Warren Eckstein Calls In. 11/20/98. 8:00am
  This guy Warren Eckstein called in to promote his book ''Memoirs of a Pet Therapist.'' Warren is a pet therapist and trainer who has worked with a lot of celebrities. He told Howard about a few of his celebrity meetings. He met Al Pachino, David Letterman, Regis Philbin, Kathie Lee Gifford, Rodney Dangerfield and Lilly Tomlin. Howard's favorite subject in the book is the stuff about homosexual dogs. Warren says that there are no gay dogs. He said that when a male dog mounts another male dog it's to demonstrate dominance, not to have gay sex. Warren said the book is full of fun stories about the celebrities he's met and the animals he's trained.

• Israelis Judge Howard And The Gang. 11/20/98. 8:45am
  Howard recently had some people judge who the best looking guy in the studio was. Howard, Jackie, Fred and Gary were included. Howard was almost always picked as the best looking one. Howard wanted to prove that it was because he's the star and not because he's actually good looking. They set up an Israeli reporter with some pictures of the crew and she called in today. There was a lot of confusion because of a bad phone connection so it was hard to do much with the segment. Howard got the reporter to show the pictures to some people and one woman said Fred was the best. Another one said Howard was the best but that's because she knew who he was. The reporter said that everyone there in Israel knows who Howard Stern is. So once again it wasn't fair. Howard said he'd have to find another country where they don't know him.

• Andy Dick Calls In. 11/20/98. 9:00am
  Howard wanted to talk to actor Andy Dick about a recent appearance he made on ''The Donny and Marie'' TV show. Andy called in half asleep today. On the Donny and Marie show Andy had pulled down his pants and mooned the audience. Howard read that Donny was so upset that he kicked Andy off the show. Andy said that nothing like that happened. He said that they patted him on the back for his display. Since that was out of the way Howard spent some time talking to Andy about his job on the TV show ''News Radio.'' Howard read that Andy was thinking about leaving the show since his co-star Phil Hartman died. Andy said that wasn't true either. Howard also questioned Andy about being gay. Andy says he's not gay although he has done some stuff with guys in the past. Doug from E! came in and told Howard that he was at a club with Andy and Andy was in the men's room checking out guys.. and he wasn't drunk. Doug said Andy was at the club with some really hot looking woman too. Andy had a woman sleeping next to him while he was on the phone. Howard spoke to her a little bit but didn't get much info out of her. They've been dating since August. Howard said that Andy was there to say that he's not drinking, not gay and not kicked off of the Donny and Marie show.

• KC's Spelling Test Against 10 Year Old Victoria. 11/20/98. 9:15am
  Howard was talking to this 10 year old girl Victoria a little earlier in the show. She was telling Howard how she likes to listen to the show and watch the E! show. Howard figured that her dad had put her up to saying everything so he got off the phone. Right after that he said that he should have a spelling bee between the 10 year old and associate producer KC. KC always spells stuff incorrectly when he sends notes to Howard. The girl called back so Howard went ahead with the spelling bee. The table below shows how the words were spelled. KC didn't do too badly. Victoria only did a few of the spellings and her 8 year old sister helped out with a couple.

  Word	KC	Victoria
  Theater	THEATRE	THEATRE
  Futile	FUDAL
  Tomorrow	TOMARROW	TOMOOER
  Benefit	BENEFIT
  Salad		SALAD
  Delicious	DELICIOUS
  Producer		PRODUCER
  Resistant	RESICETENCE	RESISTANT
  Wrought	WROUGHT
  Certain		CERTAIN
  Investigator	INVESTIGATOR
  Alcohol	ALCOHOL
  Restaurant	RESTAURANT
  Separate	SEPARATE
  Orangutan	ARAGATAG	ORANGUTAUG

  After that little spelling bee Howard mentioned some of the other words that KC can't spell. He spells Jose - Hose, Juan - Wann and Mariah Carey - Mirah Carey. He was able to spell Baba Booey's last name of Dell'Abate with the correct punctuation and capital letters.

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  -- Thursday November 19, 1998 --

• Goofing On Cher's New Album. 11/19/98. 6:45am
  Howard spent a few minutes goofing on Cher's latest awful album. It has kind of a bad techno sound to it. Howard was making up his own lyrics for some of the songs. Gary was also saying that he was close to her recently and said her face is frozen in time. It isn't aging like the rest of her body is. Gary said he'd bang her if he had the chance.

• Ana The Polish Broadcaster Comes In. 11/19/98. 7:15am
  This Polish broadcaster, Ana, came in to talk to Howard about American radio. Howard said that she looks kind of like Bonnie Franklin from that old show ''One Day At a Time.'' Ana is on a Warsaw radio station and they just started something called 'Interactive Radio'' over there. Interactive Radio is just talk radio with phone callers allowed to call in. Howard was talking to Ana about World War II and how the Polish helped the Germans dispose of Jews. Ana's friend thought that Howard was talking too fast for Ana so she was allowed into the studio. They spent quite a while talking about how Ana should talk about that stuff on the air in Poland. Ana and her friend don't believe that the Polish did help get rid of Jews so they wouldn't bring that up anyway. Howard told Ana that if she doesn't talk about that kind of stuff she'll just be known as a mediocre broadcaster. Ana got all freaked out by Howard's constant talk about the Jews and stuff. Jackie said she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

• Sally The Stockbroker Issues A Challenge To Gary. 11/19/98. 8:15am
  Sal the Stockbroker came in to issue a Challenge to Gary. Before he did that Howard played some of Sal's Christmas songs all about Gary and his big smelly teeth. After telling Howard he spent about $1500 on producing the 5 song tape he got around to issuing the Challenge. Sal was going to give Gary until January 20 to lose 30 pounds and clean up his image. He said he wanted Gary to become a human being instead of a Horse Tooth Jackass. If Gary didn't do it by then he'd have to wear a Sal the Stockbroker T-shirt. If he did it then Sal wouldn't lose anything... That was the catch. Sal wasn't putting up any money or willing to do anything for Gary. He kept telling Howard that he just wanted to clean Gary up. Gary wasn't willing to take that Challenge because he thought it was dumb. He's losing weight but not for Sal. Gary even pointed out how big Sal's teeth were and started picking on him. Sal was going off on Gary and even started in on Jackie about his bad CD. After Gary refused the challenge Sal said that he'd put up any money that his fans were willing to put up for Gary. That wasn't working either.

  At one point Melrose Larry Green called in to yell at Sal. He told Sal that he didn't know anything about radio and that he doesn't know what's funny.. like Melrose does? Melrose ended up playing tape of a stupid interview he had with Johnny Cochran. He thought it was funny but Howard and Robin just thought it was bad. Melrose also had an interview with rapper Master P. That turned out to be pretty funny because the whole time Melrose was yelling out ''Yo, yo, yo..'' and really offensive stuff to the guy. Howard had to hang up on Melrose because he was getting a little annoying.

  After Melrose got his jabs in Gary issued a challenge to Sal. He wanted to box Sal in a boxing ring. Sal pussied out and said no way to the boxing. Gary kept trying to get him to box but he just wouldn't go for it. Sal's friend was in the studio also and Gary chose to pick a fight with him also. This guy didn't even want to wait for a boxing ring, he just wanted to fight right there. Eventually they just renamed Sal to Sally the Stockbroker. Gary tried really hard to get either of them to fight in a ring with him but they just wouldn't do it. Bloated attorney Dominic Barbara even called in and was offering $5000 to the winner if they fought. It just ain't happening. Gary was proud that he proved what a pussy Sally really is. Fred said ''What a sissy'' after Sal had left the studio. Sal plugged my site and koam.com while he was there so I can't bad mouth him too much for chickening out on the challenge. Visit Sally over at www.come.to/salthestockbroker.com. UPDATE: Sal called back later in the show and said he'd be willing to fight Gary now. Howard figures his buddies must have goofed on him to make him change his mind. Sal said he had to get his Doctor's approval to fight and now that he has that he's ready to fight. Gary really wants to do this too.

  

• Mentalist Chris Angel Comes In. 11/19/98. 9:05am
  This guy Chris Angel came in to show Howard his special powers and how he can tell a woman's bra size over the phone. Chris has a show called ''The World Of Illusion'' which you can find out more about at www.worldofillusion.com. He also has a band called Angel Dust. Howard got right down to business with this guy. Chris had Howard get a female caller on the phone. Kristen was the caller. He had her think about a card, any card.. He wrote down what he thought she was thinking and had her tell Howard. Chris got it right with the 2 of hearts. He then had Kristen think about her bra size and rub the phone on her chest. Chris wrote down his answer. Fred also wrote down an answer. Kristen said that she has a 34-C bra. Both Chris and Fred guessed correctly. After that Howard got Jennifer on the phone. This time Chris wanted to write down her panty color. He had Jennifer think about the color and rub the phone on them. He wrote down his answer. Jennifer told Howard that they were khaki and navy blue striped. Chris didn't answer immediately. He moved on to a card trick he'd set up before coming into the studio. Gary had chosen a card and Chris guessed what it was. Then he announced both of the answers and got them correct. Then he got a dollar bill from Howard and changed it into a $100 bill. Howard said he knew how the guy did all of the tricks but he didn't want to ruin Chris' act so he didn't tell us. Howard played some of Chris' music as he was ending the segment and it actually sounded pretty cool.

• Jan Michael Vincent Calls In. 11/19/98. 9:45am
  Actor Jan Michael Vincent called in to talk about an article that Howard and Robin read in one of the tabloid magazines. The article basically said that Jan Michael had been living in a trailer with some guy because he was so down on his luck. Jan Michael said that it wasn't true and he'd been living in a gated community for about 3 years with his girlfriend. When he said ''gated community'' both Robin and Howard thought he said ''gay community'' and that he was revealing something new. Jan Michael corrected them a few times to make sure they understood it was a ''GATED community.'' Jan Michael is still recovering from two car accidents he was involved in a few years ago. His voice was almost lost when they had to shove a tube down his throat. Jan Michael didn't have much else to talk about so Howard moved on to the news.

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  -- Wednesday November 18, 1998 --

• Q107's John Moran Explains His Interview With Dee Snider. 11/18/98. 6:20am
  Yesterday Howard played tape of this guy John Moran interviewing Dee Snider. Dee went nuts when John asked him a question about whether or not going on the web makes Dee feel youthful. Today John explained that he didn't mean to offend Dee when he asked that question. Dee called in a little later to talk with Howard and John. He still wasn't too thrilled with John and was still saying that he was going to fly up to Toronto to show John just how youthful he is. John works on Howard's Toronto affiliate Q107.

• Captain Janks' Calls Mother Angelica. 11/18/98. 6:25am
  Captain Janks called in with another phony phone call to Mother Angelica's cable TV show. He's called her a few times in the past. This time he asked her ''Would you pray for Baba Booey's big fat ass?'' Mother Angelica said ''Sure'' at first but then realized that he was a phony phone caller. She went off on a 5 minute lecture about how he's a very bad person for doing such things. You can find out more about Janks' phone calls at www.captainjanks.com

• Meg Griffin Calls In. 11/18/98. 7:10am
  Howard's old friend and ex-co-worker Meg Griffin called in this morning. Yesterday Howard spent quite a bit of time talking about how this old guy, Scott Muni, from a competing station was fired last Friday. Howard was saying that people call Muni an innovator in radio and that sent Howard off on a rant. He said that Muni never did anything for radio, he just did what people at the station told him to. They say that Muni was a rebel for playing music that no one else would play. Howard said that was a bunch of crap and the only person who really would do that is Meg Griffin. Meg used to work with Howard at WXRK when they were still playing classic rock. She left the station and her $100,000+ salary for a smaller station that allowed her to play what she wants to for about half the money. Howard said that Meg works for a college radio station but she clarified that and said she works for a station that's located in a college campus but not run by the college. If you're in New York you can hear Meg on WFUV 90.7 FM. I believe she's on mid days.

• Paul And Gary The Small Penis Contest Winners Come In. 11/18/98. 7:50am
  Two of the winners from the Small Penis Contest came in to tell their stories of the porno cruise they won. Paul and Gary were two of the winners who won a trip down to Mexico for a whole big porn event. Paul was the big story because he got involved in a porno himself. He got oral sex the first night he was there from one of the porn stars. He said there was porno movies being shot all over the hotel they were staying at. He and his tiny penis got to appear in at least one porno and how he's thinking of going into the porn business himself. The second night he was at the hotel he gave oral sex to one of the hotel guests and got the same in return. He even had a threesome with the woman and some black guy. In the middle of Paul's story Howie Mandell called in. Read about it below. After the Howie call the other Small Penis winner, Gary, came in. Howard had tape of Paul's porno experience so he was playing pieces of that during this whole thing. Gary told Howard that he got laid while on the trip but didn't want to give out the woman's name. Paul seemed to think that Gary didn't get laid and he was covering it up so he wouldn't be embarrassed. Small Gary said that he's in trouble with his family because of all of this. They were pissed at him for even entering the small penis contest and now they're even madder. Gary's sister Jodi called in at one point to say they were proud that he finally got laid but they're mad because he quit his job to go on the trip and hasn't worked since. The contest happened way back in April! Paul said that his new on-screen name will be Smally Paulie and he's preparing for his directorial debut. He has a script and said that Gary will be the lead in it but he won't be doing any sex scenes. Smally Paulie was also plugging some kind of lubricant called Hydra-smooth which can be ordered by calling 800-778-1985. The people who ran the big porn event can be found at www.smspromotions.com. Small penis Gary is looking for work. You can contact him at goguy@hotmail.com

• Howie Mandell Calls In. 11/18/98. 8:00am
  Comedian Howie Mandell called in to promote his syndicated TV show. He called in right in the middle of the Small Penis Contest winner's story so Howard wanted to move right along. Howie said he was happy to be on the phone this time instead of being in the studio like he was a few months back. Howie is such a germ phobic that he couldn't get out of Howard's studio when he came in last time. He refused to touch the studio door handle to open it and no one else would open it for him. Howard spent a few minutes talking with Howie about his show and how it's doing in the ratings. Howie said he doesn't pay attention to the ratings. That usually means a show isn't doing very well... Howard said he's obsessed with ratings and knows all of his. Howie told Howard some of the guests he has coming up on his show but they weren't all that great. He's got people like Chastity Bono, Dave Foley, Dianne Cannon and Garth Brooks coming up in the next few weeks. ''The Howie Mandell Show'' airs on channel 2 on New York at 3pm weekdays and on channel 2 in Los Angeles at 4pm.

• Meinhart And Margaret The Munchkins Call In. 11/18/98. 8:50am
  Two munchkins from the original ''The Wizard Of Oz'' movie called in to promote some stuff. The first one to speak was Meinhart Robby. He was the munchkin who announced that the witch was dead after being crushed by the house. The guy is 83 years old now but sounded pretty with it for an old man. Meinhart said his line for Howard which sounded almost like it did in the movie. Howard was prepared and had some helium to inhale. Howard did it and his voice raised up a little bit. He tried the line but it wasn't high enough. He had Jackie try it but Jackie's voice hardly changes. Fred also tried it and sounded pretty funny but Robin was the best. Her voice went way up and she said the line almost word for word. Howard asked Meinhart if he knew anything about the rumors about everyone having sex on the set of the movie. Meinhart said that they worked 12 hour days and didn't have time to do that stuff there. He said it's all vicious rumors that were started in the past year or so. Howard told him that he's heard them for years though. Meinhart was pretty cool about Howard's questions about the sex. He didn't answer them much but he didn't get upset. The other munchkin was Margaret. She didn't want to talk about the sex stuff at all. She just wanted to talk about the friggin ''Wizzard Of Oz'' stuff. Howard would slip in a sexual thought and Margaret would threaten to hang up if he went there. Old people are funny that way. Margaret just wanted to get her plug in and get her 11 year old great granddaughter off to school. Meinhart said he was married to another munchkin for 50 years and doesn't want to get involved with any more women. Howard was trying to set the two of them up on a date but they live far apart so they weren't going for it. Meinhart will be appearing at some Toy Extravaganza in Boston from December 10-13. Margaret is going to be signing autographs at a production of ''The Wizard Of Oz'' up in Buffalo, New York around the same time. Howard spent quite a while talking to these two. He asked them a lot of questions about their lives as munchkins. They made it sound like it wasn't so bad growing up that way.

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  -- Tuesday November 17, 1998 --

• Fred's Wife Up To Strange Things. 11/17/98. 6:25am
  It sounds like Fred's wife Alison is up to her strange behavior once again. A few months ago she opened a second hand clothing store in Manhattan called Sunrise Ruby. She gets clothing worn by celebrities and sells it. She's been doing pretty good and just had some kind of Grand Opening last night. Fred was filling Howard in on the details when he told Howard the strange part. It turns out that Alison went into Fred's closet and took some of his clothing without telling him. She even took a brand new shirt that Fred hadn't worn yet. Howard couldn't understand why she'd try to sell a new shirt when she could just go out and buy some new shirts to sell. Howard said it's like Jackie's wife using Jackie's money with her band. It just doesn't make sense to him. While he was talking about it Gary told Howard that Alison was on the phone. She was half asleep when Howard picked up the phone. It turns out she was woken up by Stuttering John. Howard didn't ask him to do that so he flipped out and yelled at Gary for 5 minutes. After the yelling he spoke to Alison but it wasn't for long.

• Author W.C. Laser Calls In. 11/17/98. 7:00am
  This guy W.C. Laser called in to plug his book ''Alcohol Drinking Tips.'' He and Howard spoke about some of the tips he has for people who drink often. He suggests that you carry some Visine with you to clear up your bloodshot eyes so the cops can't tell you're drunk. Howard thought that the guy recommends drinking and driving but the guy said that he doesn't. He said he does it and hasn't been caught but he doesn't suggest it. He also has an opinion on how Native Americans are very angry when they drink. He guesses that 40-60% of Native American's have a drinking problem. He also said that he doesn't like drinking with young black people because they have an attitude and guns. How racist is that? He said he doesn't mind drinking with older black people like those who are 30 and older. You can order the book by calling 800-247-6553.

• The Woman With One Breast Comes In. 11/17/98. 8:05am
  This woman who has only one fully developed breast came in to show Howard her nightmare. The woman, who's name I didn't catch, works at a Hooters restaurant. She came in showing some cleavage so Howard thought she was exaggerating a little bit. Actually, she stuffed her bra with a silicone fake boob and squeezed them together. She was really nervous and shaking according to Howard. She told Howard that she's a virgin and she's only shown her oddity to one guy. Howard and Robin guessed at which breast was the fake one and picked the correct one. The woman's left was the missing one. She took off her shirt to show Howard. Howard said that she has one breast that's about a C-cup and the other one is like an A-cup. It just never fully developed when she was growing up. Howard told her that she should have been a part of the Frankenstein contest a few months ago. She didn't know about it at the time. That led to Dr. Sal Calabro calling in and offering to do her breasts for free. Actually, he told Howard it was up to him if he wanted her to get them or not. Howard asked her if she'd cry if he gave them to her. She said yes so Howard said she could have them. She broke down and cried. It was so touching.. Dr. Calabro said he likes to show off his work so he doesn't mind doing them for free. When some of Howard's interns heard about this they freaked out. They want implants for themselves and don't think this woman should get them. Janine the intern said her two breasts together are smaller than this woman's one breast. She said she had to wear a training bra when she was 20 years old! Wow! That be some tiny boobies! Janine thinks that they should offer implants as a prize in the Intern Beauty Pageant. Howard said he'd check with Dr. Calabro to see if he'd do that. Later in the show the woman's grandmother called in to thank Howard for doing this for her.

• Killing Time. 11/17/98. 8:40am
  Howard did a bunch of things to kill some time starting around this time. He had this guy Colin who calls in with games for Howard to play. Today they played a game where Howard and Robin had to guess who named their kids with some weird names. After that Howard read an article about how Robin is supposed to be close to inking a deal to do her life story in a movie. The article said that the movie will be based on Robin's book ''Quivers, A Life'' but Robin said that's not what it's based on. Howard also had some tapes to play. He had tape of this guy Jimmy from Toronto who tried to get an interview with Samuel L. Jackson at a Planet Hollywood up there. They didn't even let him near the place. They kicked his ass right out. There was also tape of Howard's buddy Dee Snider getting all pissed off at some DJ up in Canada. Dee got freaked out by a dumb question that the DJ asked him. It was something about being on the internet being a way for Dee to be youthful. Dee told him that was a stupid question and yelled at him. Dee even threatened to go up to Toronto to kick his ass, not in those particular words of course.

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  -- Monday November 16, 1998 (Replayed on Master Tape Theatre Sunday, January 20, 2013) --

• Why No Jackie Today? 11/16/98. 6:05am
  Howard made a quick mention about Jackie taking 2 personal days off from the show. He didn't say why but thanks to some of the alt.fan.howard-stern newsgroup readers we have an answer. It turns out that Jackie's mother may have died over the weekend. If I was still reading the newsgroup would have known this earlier. I'm sure Jackie isn't laughing much today. You can send your thoughts and condolences to Jackie to jackie@jackiejokeman.com.

• Chuck Norris Bachelor Party Today. 11/16/98. 6:55am
  Howard mentioned that they'll be attending the Chuck Norris bachelor party today at Scores. The one thing missing from the bachelor party will be Chuck Norris! Howard said they had this thing all planned out and Chuck was supposed to come but he called up and said he wouldn't be able to make it. Howard said they couldn't cancel the party so they're going sometime after the show today. Maybe Chuck's fiance got to him and said he couldn't go.

• Supermodel Carol Alt Comes In. 11/16/98. 7:45am
  Model Carol Alt came in to plug some TV movie she's in called ''Catch Me If You Can'' which airs on the Fox Family channel on November 22 at 8pm. Every time Carol comes in Fred argues about her Supermodel status. Fred says that there's no way she's a Supermodel. He even went as far as getting a camera crew and going out on the street to ask people if they knew who Carol was. Needless to say Fred was still as angry as ever today. Howard was playing the tape of Fred showing people a picture of Carol and asking them if they know who she is. Most, if not all, of the people didn't know her face or her name. Carol claims that the Supermodel thing was coined for her. A few phone callers backed her up on that too. Most of the interview was spent with Fred and Carol arguing with each other as usual. Carol also talked about her break up with her husband Ron Greshner. She said that part of his reason for breaking up with her was because of her on-screen kissing scenes. She said it didn't have anything to do with sex as far as she knew. Carol said she hasn't had sex in over a year. Howard asked her if she ever pleases herself but she wouldn't admit to it. She has lots of lesbian friends but wouldn't say if she'd slept with any of them. Howard and Carol hugged and kissed before she left.

• Hypnotist Paul McKenna Comes In. 11/16/98. 8:35am
  Hypnotist Paul McKenna came in to promote an appearance he's making at the Hard Rock Joint in Las Vegas on December 9. Paul has been in a few times in the past and doesn't fail to entertain Howard. He chooses a bunch of people from the staff of Howard's show and puts them under hypnosis. Before they got around to doing the hypnosis stuff Howard talked to Paul about his new girlfriend. Her name is Debbie and she works on a show called ''The View.'' According to Howard she's really hot. Paul said that he met the 23 year old at a Prodigy concert and is now dating her. His ex-girlfriend is still his manager and still living with him in an apartment. After that Howard introduced the hypnosis victims. There was Greg the intern, Doug from E!, Marni the intern and Melissa the intern. The first thing they did was have the women believe that they'd slept with Howard, Jackie, Fred, Robin and Gary. Howard questioned both of them and had them talking about what they did with each member and who was the best. Marni said that Howard was the best and Fred was pretty good. She said that Robin wasn't that good because she wasn't very flexible. Melissa said that Howard gave her some great oral sex and undressed her with his teeth. She lost count of how many times they had sex after number 5. She said that Gary was too quick and Fred just wanted anal sex. She also said that Robin wasn't that good.

  The next thing Paul did was have Doug and Greg become ''Sex Psychics.'' Paul said that the guys would be able to tell everyone their sexual fantasies. They sort of did that but it wasn't that good. They just said that Robin likes sex with young white men and Fred likes young male models. They didn't get into any details really.

  Up next was Marni as Hillary Clinton arguing with Melissa as Demi Moore. Hillary said that she's been sleeping with Demi but Demi denied it saying that she's sleeping with Arnold Schwartzenegger.

  Paul hypnotized Doug and Greg so they'd think they were in love with each other. Marni would be the jealous ex-girlfriend of Doug. The two guys were gay for each other and they played along with it. Greg said he calls his boy Doug, ''Dougie Donuts'' and Doug calls him ''pumpkin.''

  Howard brought in Elephant Boy and Crackhead Bob to do another experiment. He had Paul hypnotize Marni and Melissa so they'd think that Elephant Boy and Crackhead Bob were Adam Sandler and Bruce Willis, Melissa and Marni's favorite celebrities. Paul put the women under then told them what they would think when they saw the guys. Marni was the Bruce Willis fan so she was attracted to CH Bob. She was even rubbing his arm and getting sexually excited during that. Melissa did pretty much the same for Elephant Boy's Adam Sandler. Elephant Boy did a pretty good impression of Sandler's stupid baby voice. She even agreed to go to England with Adam and leave her Fiance behind. Howard had Paul put them under and bring them back out so they could see who they were rubbing and getting all excited over. They weren't too thrilled with what they saw.

  The final thing Paul did is Howard's favorite which they do every time. Paul puts the women under and tells them that when Howard rubs his ear they will be sexually stimulated and feel like they've never felt before. Howard had fun with this for a few minutes. Both of the women went over and started rubbing Howard's chest and pulling down his pants! Robin told him to stop but he said ''no way'' and kept it going for a while. Were these people really hypnotized or are they just acting? You be the judge.

• Sal The Stockbroker Plugs His New CD. 11/16/98. 9:35am
  Sal the Stockbroker is always thinking about Howard's show. He called in with a tape similar to Fred's on the street interviews where he asked people if they knew who Carol Alt was. Sal's interviews were asking people on the street if they knew who Fred Norris was. Of course no one knew who Fred was. Howard let him play a little bit of that but then brought up Sal's Christmas song cassette . He's got like 5 Christmas song parodies all about Gary the Horse Tooth Jackass. As a matter of fact that's one of the songs.. ''Gary The Horse Tooth Jackass'' to the tune of ''Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.'' Howard played a couple of clips from the tape and they sounded like they were very well produced. Sal also has a CD of original phony phone calls at http://www.geocities.com/MadisonAvenue/Boardroom/2868/CD.html. You can also find out more about Sal and his Christmas songs at www.come.to/salthestockbroker.com. Sal even plugged my site before he even mentioned his own! Thanks Sal!