Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 10/5/98 to 10/9/98

---

-- Friday October 9, 1998 --
• Howard's Daily Book Review? 10/9/98. 6:25am
  For the second day in a row Howard mentioned a book that he got in the mail. Yesterday it was the book of celebrity flowers and today it was ''Women Before 10 A.M.'' which is pictures of models before they put on their makeup. He said that some of the women are pretty scary looking without makeup on. Will this become a regular thing with Howard? Who knows? Maybe he'll be like Oprah Winfrey and have his own lame book club but it'll contain really weird shit.

• Melrose Larry Challenges Gary To Fitness Test. 10/9/98. 6:35am
  Melrose Larry has been hanging out on the street in front of Howard's studio trying to get on the show. Today Howard finally gave him his shot but he was only going to give him one minute to ramble on. Melrose came in and rambled off his usual annoying rants but then got to the point. He wants to challenge Gary to a fitness contest. Melrose is putting up $100,000 to Gary's nothing saying that he's in better shape than Gary. If Gary wins he gets the $100,000. If he loses he doesn't lose anything. Sounds like a win-win situation. Gary said he's willing to do it but Melrose has to find out exactly what they're going to do. After that Howard kicked the oh so annoying Melrose out of the studio.

• David Wells Checks In From Cleveland. 10/9/98. 6:55am
  New York Yankees pitcher David Wells called in to talk to Howard about the horrible game they played the other day. They spent a while talking about how his teammate was booed after screwing up a play which cost them the game. Howard spent about 15 minutes with Wells before moving on to Kevin Sorbo.

• Kevin Sorbo Comes In. 10/9/98. 7:10am
  Kevin Sorbo, who plays Hercules on the syndicated TV show ''Hercules'', came in to promote the new season of the show. Howard noticed that Kevin had a wedding ring on his finger. He wondered why a young good looking guy like that would get married. It turns out that Kevin isn't that young. He's 40 years old. He said that he got laid a lot when he was younger anyway so it wasn't that big of a deal to get married. He also talked about how he almost died from an aneurism in his shoulder a few years ago. After that Howard wanted to bring him down to the ''homo room.'' The homo room is where Howard and Fred put on their gay voices and do gay stuff with the guest. Kevin didn't seem like he was into it but Howard tried it anyway. Gay Howard offered Kevin a few choices of what they could do down in the room. First they pretended to smoke a bong to relax. Then they did fart lighting bit and penis ping pong. They also had a snake that bit Howard's penis so he asked Kevin if he'd suck out the venom. After a short time Howard saw that Kevin wasn't amused by the whole thing so he got out of the homo room. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Kevin but ended the interview after 20 minutes. Check your local listings for air time and date of ''Hercules.''

• Jennifer Tilly Plays The Mike Walker Gossip Game. 10/9/98. 7:50am
  Actress Jennifer Tilly came in to promote the new ''Bride Of Chucky'' movie that she stars in. The movie starts next Friday. As soon as Jennifer came in Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the weekly gossip game. Mike Walker let Howard know that Jennifer Tilly is one of only 3 celebrities that gives him a boner. The other two are Sandra Bullock and Sheryln Fenn. That brought up the subject of Jennifer's nude scenes in movies. She said that she's been nude in about 4 movies. ''Bound'' is Mike's favorite. She showed her ass in ''The Getaway'' and a couple of other movies. They finally got around to playing the game after the nude talk. Mike calls in each week with some stories from his National Enquirer gossip column. 3 of them are true, one is false. Try to pick the false story.
  1. David Letterman got upset after the people at 60 Minutes pulled out of doing a segment about his show. They may have done it because of all of the jokes he's done on Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney's age.
  2. Cameron Diaz went running back into a restaurant after she realized she'd left a tube of Chap-Stick in there that used to belong to her love Matt Dillon. She found it and was very relieved.
  3. Actress Kate Winslet was dancing at a London disco when she caught her fingernail on a woman's ear ring. It ripped the other woman's ear lobe so she had to go to the hospital to get it fixed.
  4. Country singer Shania Twain brings her dog with her on tour. She lets the dog sniff out her hotel rooms and if the dog doesn't like it she won't sleep in the room.
  Jennifer and Robin both chose number 1 as the false story. Jackie chose number 3. Howard and Fred both chose number 2. The actual false story was number 3.

  After the game Howard took a break but kept Jennifer around to talk about the movie. When they came back Jennifer was really charged up. She just kept talking and talking for the rest of the segment. She and Howard spent time talking about her ex-husband Sam Simon who is one of the producers behind ''The Simpsons.'' Jennifer talked a little bit about the money she gets from Sam now. She thinks that the Simpson people screwed over Sam a little bit. She said she was afraid to say too much because someone might sue. Howard was very taken with Jennifer's cleavage. She has big D-cup breasts and brought them up a bunch of times. Jennifer claims that they're real. Jennifer had a couple of the Chucky dolls with her. She had Chucky and Tiffany the woman doll she does the voice for in the movie.

• Sheryl Crow Performs Live. 10/9/98. 8:55am
  Singer Sheryl Crow came in to perform a couple of songs for Howard. She was promoting her new album ''Globe Sessions.'' Howard talked to Sheryl for a while but she didn't want to say much about who she's dating and crap like that. Eventually Howard got her to sing her hit song ''If It Makes You Happy'' but there was a technical problem and some people didn't hear it. Howard had to take a break to try and fix the problem so she soul perform another song. The affiliate stations couldn't hear anything although the New York City people apparently could. I was listening on a mono radio and could hear the song but just barely and I listen to the NYC station. After the break Sheryl performed ''My Favorite Mistake'' off the new album. That came over loud an clear and sounded pretty damn good. Sheryl had to get going after doing that song so Howard replayed the first song so everyone could hear it the right way.

• Rupert Murdoch Update. 10/9/98. 10:15am
  Earlier this week Howard threatened to disclose media mogul Rupert Murdoch's home address if he didn't stop his newspaper, The New York Post, from running negative articles about him. Howard said he's give Murdoch 2 days to respond and then he'd give out the address. Well, nothing happened yesterday and nothing happened today. Howard made a mention of Murdoch during Robin's news segment but he hasn't given out the guy's address. Has Howard pussied out? Did someone get to him to stop him from giving out this info? Will we ever know? Do we care? Why do Starburst jelly beans stick together? These are the questions I want answered damn it!..over.

  ---

  -- Thursday October 8, 1998 --

• Reverend Gerald Polly Calls In. 10/8/98. 7:15am
  This nut called in to preach his beliefs about how homosexual marriages are causing a problem for everyone. He says that Jesus visited him and told him that California and Hawaii are the main cause of the problem because of their homosexual marriage laws. Rev. Polly says that everyone is doomed to pergatory until the homosexuality stops. Howard spent about 15 minutes with this nut. The guy even sang a song about Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton that was just plain stupid. He claims that everyone in pergatory gets to hear these awful songs. The reverend did one funny thing when he gave out his e-mail address. Why the hell would he do that? If you would like to find out more about his beliefs just e-mail him at spirits@main.rr.com. Howard took a couple of phone calls from angry listeners who disagree with the reverend's views. Howard said he loves to hear people argue over religious crap.

• Howard Checks Out ''Signature Flowers'' Book. 10/8/98. 7:50am
  Howard got this book in the mail called ''Signature Flowers : A Revealing Collection of Celebrity Drawings'' which has drawings of flowers done by celebrities. In it he found a picture done by Mary McCormack who played Howard's wife in ''Private Parts.'' Her drawing was the most detailed picture in the book so Howard wanted to ask her why. Gary got her on the phone for him. Mary said that she was at a cocktail party and she didn't want to be there so she spent the time drawing this very detailed, colorful flower. Howard said every other flower in there was like a quick scribble but Mary's was like a Van Gough. Someone said that flowers represent your sexuality so maybe Mary is lonely. Howard said that maybe it means that she needs to work with him again.

• The Orgasm Contest. 10/8/98. 8:05am
  Howard had a grand prize of a trip to Hollywood for the premiere of a new movie called ''Orgasmo'' so he decided to have an orgasm contest. Four women came down to give it their best shot. The first woman was Debbie the queef girl. She's been on the show in the past to do her vaginal farts. She wasn't able to that today though, she was on her period. She did do a pretty good fake orgasm though. The second woman was Dottie the 242 pound woman. Yikes! She did a pretty good orgasm. Third up was Lisa Marie. She had an annoying voice but did a pretty good orgasm. Last up was annoying Kirsten. She was a chapter girl in one of Howard's books and has appeared in Playboy magazine in Girls of The Ivy League. She says that she's never had a real orgasm and hasn't had a real boyfriend either. It was obvious after she did her orgasm.. it sucked. It sounded more like she was doing a rape reenactment. She was yelling out things like ''NO, STOP, NOT AGAIN'' and stuff like that. It was sad. As you can see below, Lisa Marie came out on top by 1 point.

  	Howard	Fred	Jackie	Robin	Total Score
  Debbie	7	7	7	6	27
  Dottie	8	4	8	5	25
  Lisa Marie	7	7	8	6	28
  Kirsten	3	2	3	3	11

  The movie ''Orgasmo'' opens on October 23. The premiere is being held at the Playboy mansion so Lisa Marie will get to hang out there. The losers won a copy of Larry Ratso Sloman's book ''Steal This Dream: Abbie Hoffman and the Countercultural Revolution in America''

• Howard Plays ''Make Me Gag.'' 10/8/98. 9:00am
  For the second time Howard tried to play ''Make Me Gag'' where a guy comes in and farts in Howard's face to try and make him gag. This guy Joey was the farter. Joey couldn't do much farting so no one was gagging. Fred was up first and Howard gave Joey a minute and 30 seconds to rip a stinker. He farted but Fred said it wasn't a gag fart. Howard gave him another chance and got in back of Joey himself. Nothing happened. Joey asked for some time to build up some more gas so Howard let him do that. About 40 minutes later he came back in. This time it was Jackie's turn in the chair. Joey ripped a huge fart and fanned it towards Jackie. Jackie actually gagged! Robin said it looked like he was about to throw up. Jackie told Joey that he was a ''foul bastard.'' Jackie said the smell lingered for a little while. Joey was cracking up when he saw Jackie gag. Howard gave Joey a copy of ''Steal This Dream : Abbie Hoffman and the Countercultural Revolution in America'' and Joey didn't seem too happy about that. He asked for a DVD player or something good like that. Howard told him to go to another radio station for a gift like that.

• KC's New Name. 10/8/98. 9:10am
  Howard has been calling Associate Producer KC different names today. He called him ''Gay-C'' and ''Kay-Y'' because of his kind of gay appearance in the Gay dance party. One guy called in and asked Howard if he could come in and kiss KC's feet and ass. The guy saw KC on the Saturday night show and said his ass was really nice. KC agreed to let the guy kiss his feet so that should be coming up in the near future.

• Howard Orders Lunch The Hard Way...Over. 10/8/98. 9:30am
  Howard wanted to order some soup from a local soup store so the E! crew suggested he use walkie talkies. KC took one walkie down to the soup store and Howard kept the other to find out what was on the menu. Howard told KC that he must end each communication with ''Over.'' KC went down to Helen Hardy Soups and read off each of the soups on the menu. Howard ended up talking to one of the women working at the store. He even had her saying ''over'' and ''affirmative'' on the walkie. This may have been the funniest part of today's show. After about 10 minutes they had an order together. Howard and Fred ordered Tuscan Bean soup and Jackie ordered the Manhattan Clam Chowder. 10 minutes after placing the order the woman at the store came back and told Howard that his order was done and thanked him for ordering...over.

  ---

  -- Wednesday October 7, 1998 --

• Howard Still Pondering New York Post Problem. 10/7/98. 6:30am
  Howard is still upset about the New York Post and it's negative stories about him. Yesterday he threatened to give out Rupert Murdoch's home address over the air if the Post doesn't stop their negative reports. This morning Howard was rehashing all of the negative stories that the NY Post has run on him in the past couple of years. Howard said that he's now ready to give out reporter Richard Johnson's home address also. He even said he may even give out other NY Post employee addresses. Howard even took a couple of phone calls from people down in Australia who have heard about this story since that's Murdoch's home land. One Aussie reporter spent a few minutes trying to get more info out of Howard to get the story straight. Howard was really freaking out at one point. He was in one of his raging yelling modes. The Aussie reporter asked Howard how this whole thing could be ended. He said that Murdoch has to call his agent and let him know that he's going to stop the negativity. Then Howard jokingly added that when he wins there won't be anyone left with that Australian accent.

• Jennifer Comes In To Meet KC. 10/7/98. 7:20am
  This woman Jennifer called in the other day after seeing associate producer KC on Howard's Saturday night show. She said that she wanted to go out with him. She's a Puerto Rican and at the time KC said that he's only attracted to skinny, blonde, white women. Howard told her to come down anyway. She came in and Howard seemed to be very taken with her. She was really cute although she may have been a little bit ''thick.'' She had a big latino ass and a little bit of a belly but Howard said that he'd bang her in a second. KC, on the other hand, wasn't interested. This makes Howard and Jackie think that KC may be gay. KC gave Jennifer a rating of 5 out of 10. He wasn't interested at all. One caller called KC a ''stone cold homo.'' Ex-intern Gay Rich called in and said that he even thinks that KC is gay and he'd love to go out with him. KC swears that he's not gay even though he doesn't date much. Needless to say, the two of them aren't going out. Howard and Jennifer suggested that KC just give it a try and if he didn't like her it was no big deal. KC still wasn't interested.

• Singer Patty Smyth Comes In. 10/7/98. 7:55am
  Singer Patty Smyth came in to promote her new Patty Smyth's Greatest Hits album. She and Howard talked about her marriage to tennis star John McEnroe. They spent most of the interview talking about that. Patty told Howard the story of how they met and got married. Patty and John have a child together plus John's 3 other kids from his marriage to Tatum O'Neil and one other child from Patty's other marriage. She keeps busy with them. Patty performed 2 songs with her guitarist Glen Burtnick before she left. She did ''Goodbye To You'' and a new one called ''Wish I Were You.''

• Actor Stephen Baldwin Comes In. 10/7/98. 8:55am
  Stephen Baldwin came in to promote his new movie ''One Tough Cop'' which is getting some great reviews. The movie opens on Friday. Howard had the movie on tape to watch but never got around to it. He lied to Stephen and said he did see it and it was great. Robin said a friend of her's saw it and it really was a great movie. Howard was goofing on Stephen's bad tattoos that he has on his back. At one point he took his shirt off to show Robin. She actually came out of her fish tank to take a closer look. Howard said that it's like an art gallery hanging on his back. It sounds like there's some weird stuff on there too. Stephen mentioned that he saw Jennifer the Puerto Rican on his way in and she wasn't that good looking so maybe KC isn't that far off with his low rating. Howard brought up the fact that Stephen's sister is the president of his fan club. That led to a long discussion about why she does it and how much they charge to be a member. Scott Einziger from E! did some research and found out a bunch of the prices for Stephen Baldwin merchandise. To join the fan club it's a mere $12 and you get a newsletter, a calendar and the chance to win a personal phone call from Stephen himself. A short time later Scott came in with prices for other stuff like sweatshirts, keychains, calendars and mugs. Howard found it pretty interesting. He wondered why anyone would do that kind of stuff. Howard hasn't ever sold stuff with his name on it and he probably never will. He thinks it's kind of lame. You can see all of Stephen's crap over at http://www.li.net/~yesnet/Opening_Page/Opening_page.htm. Howard took some phone calls for Stephen and there was the usual number of people claiming that Stephen is gay. This happened last time he was on. There were also a couple of people who hate Stephen for one reason or another. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that he's heard that Stephen likes to get oral sex from transvestites. Stephen denied it all of course.

• Marni The Intern In Love With Howard. 10/7/98. 10:05am
  The other day Gary was telling Howard about this intern Marni who really likes Howard. Howard doesn't know exactly who she is though. He did walk by her in the hallway one day and said ''hi'' to her. Gary said she melted after that. So anyway, Howard was taking some phone calls and one woman by the name of Marni had called in. After Howard hung up with her he was talking about the name and said it was like a stripper name. A few minutes later Marni the intern called in to talk to Howard. She's not at the studio that much but today she'll be at their daily meeting. Howard told her that she should sit next to him at the meeting. Howard is thinking of setting up individual meetings with each of the interns to get closer to the hot ones. He said he may have to council each one. Then he thought about it and said he doesn't know how many interns he could bang every day.. ''I'm no spring chicken you know'' said Howard.

  ---

  -- Tuesday October 6, 1998 --

• Howard Goes Nuts Over Mark Harris Story. 10/6/98. 6:30am
  There was an article in the New York Post about how Mark Harris is now going to write a book about Howard. A couple of weeks ago Mark got pissed off because Howard wanted him to take a lie detector test. Now he thinks that he knows enough about Howard to write a book. Richard Johnson of the NY Post wrote about the whole thing so Howard was pretty pissed at him. In the article Mark claims that he knows that there are phone calls that are faked on the show. He's referring to when Stuttering John called in posing as a record company guy when Mark was in. Howard told everyone that it was John so it wasn't a secret. So anyway, Howard's not even that pissed at Mark, he's pissed at the NY Post. They've been bad mouthing him and putting bad pictures of him in the paper for the past year or so. Howard got Richard Johnson on the phone and gave him a message. He said that he's going to find out all he can about the owner of the Post, Rupert Murdock, and let it out over the air. The Post put Howard's home address in the paper so he's going to return the favor unless Murdock calls in and says that he'll stop all of the crap. This conversation went on for about a half hour. Howard said he'll start releasing the info in 2 days if Murdock doesn't call him.

• Woman Comes In To Be Shaved By Howard. 10/6/98. 7:30am
  A 19 year old woman and her twin sister came in to meet Howard this morning. One sister wanted Howard to shave her genital area. The other sister was just there for the trip from Oregon. The woman didn't waste any time getting down to business. Howard had some Bic razors to shave with. He offered to use shaving cream but she claims she has an allergic reaction when she uses it so she went for it DRY! She said that she'd shaved half of it last night and left the other half for Howard. Howard went to it and shaved her for a couple of minutes. It must have been quite a site because she had some nasty stretch marks from giving birth to her baby 2 years ago. Plus, the razor was cutting her and making her bleed. After Howard shaved her a bit the woman took over and finished up herself. She had no problem shaving in front of everyone either. It was quite strange. After a couple more minutes of not much happening, Gary suggested that they move on to other things. Howard agreed and got rid of the annoying twosome.

• Stuttering John Still Bad Mouthing Howard. 10/6/98. 7:50am
  Howard played some tape of Stuttering John saying some stuff about Howard. The tape was from an interview done on MTV. John just said that Howard wasn't promoting the album for him enough. Howard didn't seem to be upset about it though. Then Howard had tape of another interview that John did for the Phoenix affiliate radio station KEDJ FM 106.3. The guy asked John some lame questions but one of them stuck out. The guy asked John ''Why do you hate Robin Quivers, because she's a woman or a nigga?'' Howard was amazed that the guy could ask him such a question. Howard got the guy, Perk, on the phone to ask him about it. Howard asked him why he would call someone a nig*er. It turns out that Perk is a black guy so, for some odd reason, it's okay for him to ask. Howard assumed that it was a white guy because Gary told him he was. Perk is the board operator and a DJ at KEDJ.

• Siobhan The Intern Interviews Tony Randall. 10/6/98. 8:00am
  Siobhan the intern went out an interviewed actor Tony Randall at some Diabetes charity event. Howard played the tape with Siobhan sitting in. Gary told Howard that it seems that the 70-something year old Randall was hitting on Siobhan. Here are some of the questions she asked:
  • What is diabetes?
  • Are athletes of today better or more mediocre that those of the past?
  • If you had to have sex, which one of these would you chose - Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky or Hillary Clinton?
  • Have you ever cheated on your wife?
  • Do you think OJ is innocent or guilty?
  • Have you ever been attracted to another man?
  • What would you rather have, a kick in the nuts or a punch in the throat?
  When Siobhan asked the sex question Tony answered ''You'' referring to Siobhan. So he was hitting on her. The last question is the one that pissed Tony off. A short time later Siobhan was kicked out of the event. There were other questions but they were pretty tame and lame. Oh, Tony thinks that OJ is guilty by the way and he's never been attracted to another man.

• The Nut Lady. 10/6/98. 8:30am
  Howard had this woman, Elizabeth, on the phone who calls herself ''The Nut Lady.'' She sounds like an old bag who has nothing better to do than collect nuts. She runs some nut museum up in Old Lyme, Connecticut. Howard turned it into a really funny bit. Every question he asked was a sexual reference but the woman was clueless that the questions were all sexual. She got it a couple of times and just ignored the question. She sang an awful song called ''Nuts Are Beautiful'' which sounded like something out of ''The Wizard Of Oz.'' She told Howard about a bunch of different nuts and how some are very hard to crack. Howard kept asking her who had the biggest nuts. He told her that he has a collection of balls. I thought he'd lost his mind when he put this woman on but it turned out to be funny. As Howard was ending the phone call he wished the nut lady ''May your nut sack always be full.'' Elizabeth came back with ''Praise the nuts!'' You can visit the nut museum at 303 Ferry Rd in Old Lyme, CT.

• Members Of Candyass Get Naked. 10/6/98. 8:40am
  A few members of a 2 week old band called Candyass came in to get naked. They wanted Howard to play a song from another band called the Toilet Boys. The whole band was totally wacky. The manager, Johnny Rock & Roll, couldn't stay focused on anything more than 2 seconds. The women were really annoying and not that good looking according to Howard. Eventually the women took their tops off and Howard played a bit of the song they brought in. The song was on a really muddy sounding cassette tape so you could barely hear it. What I did hear didn't sound that good. There was another girl who was going to get naked but she was pregnant and may have been under age. She didn't make it into the studio. It was really strange. If, for some odd reason, you'd like to order the Toilet Boys tape just call 877-HEY-PUNK.

• Who's Better, Fred Or Stuttering John? 10/6/98. 9:25am
  Who's a better musician, Stuttering John or Fred Norris? That was the big question late in the show today. It turned into a major discussion when Howard asked John if he thought he was better than Fred. John was very reluctant to answer the question but eventually the two of them went at each other's throats. During that conversation the subject of who Robin would have sex with if she absolutely had to came up. Robin said that she'd do Howard first then Fred then John then Gary then Jackie. So the question remains, who is better musically? John thinks that he's better than such bands as Third Eye Blind among others. Fred didn't really argue with John about it though. It was pretty interesting to hear John's view on his own music. I'm getting his CD this week so I'll have to compare the two CD's.

  ---

  -- Monday October 5, 1998 --

• Is KC Gay? 10/5/98. 6:30am
  Howard spent some time talking to Associate Producer KC about whether or not he's gay. Some people think that KC had too good of a time at the Goo Goo Dolls gay dance party that was shown on this past Saturday's ''The Howard Stern Radio Show.'' KC says he's not gay but he is very picky about the women he dates. He said he only likes a certain type and he's had his heart broken a few too many times. Benjy the intern told a story of how KC turned down sleeping with a really good looking girl one time. Howard couldn't believe he'd turned down the chance.

• Howard And Gary Discuss Sports. 10/5/98. 7:10am
  Howard started talking about some report he read about how Soccer is the sport with the most injuries reported. That led to he and Gary talking about other sports and whether or not they'd let their kids play some of them. Gary said that he'd let his sons play football if they wanted to but Howard wouldn't. Howard thinks that football and soccer are too dangerous but baseball is okay. He also said he probably wouldn't let them play lacrosse. Gary said that he's not going to force his sons to play sports but if they want to he'll support them. Howard makes his daughters take Karate so that they'll be able to defend themselves if some guy tries to rape them. Gary thinks that's a waste of time for some reason.

• Dying Roy Comes In To Meet Howard. 10/5/98. 8:00am
  This guy Roy called in a few weeks ago to tell Howard that he was dying. He's a big fan and wanted to meet Howard. He came down today and Howard had some women waiting to do some stuff for the 26 year old virgin. Roy is suffering from Lupus and his doctors gave him about a year to live last May. He didn't look so good when he came in. According to Howard he was very thin, 110 pounds, and very pale. He had to use a cane to walk around. His bad luck followed him to New York also. His luggage was stolen at the airport and it contained both Robin's book and one of Howard's books to be signed. Poor Roy hasn't had sex with a woman either. He once gave oral to a friend's girlfriend but that was it. Good thing Howard had some women to make Roy feel a little better. The first woman that Howard had in was Brittany who lets guys rub Marshmallow fluff on her then sprinkle Rice Krispies on there to make Rice Krispie treats out of her body. Roy got to rub the fluff on her with his hands. Then he added the Rice Krispies and ate it off her chest. After that Brittany had Roy rub the fluff on her ass and eat it off there. According to Howard Brittany was pretty hot too. Howard asked Brittany to check if Roy had gotten aroused. The test came back negative. Roy claims that the drugs he has to take probably affects his arousal. After Brittany there was a Nancy, a physical therapist who wanted to get back at her boyfriend for breaking up with her. Nancy wanted to rub down Howard. There was also Ellen and Joanna who didn't know what they wanted to do. Howard had Roy get into a coffin that they had set up for him. Ellen ended up giving Roy a head scratch. Howard took a break and when they came back Roy got on a mat to let Brittany give him a full body rub down. Howard also got a rub down from Natalie at the same time. After the rub down Howard had Brittany get under his console to rub his legs. She stayed there for a little while until Bill Mahr came in. Brittany had a web site to plug at www.legsstudio.com.

• Bill Mahr Comes In. 10/5/98. 8:45am
  Bill Mahr, host of ''Politically Incorrect'', came in to visit with Howard for a while. A short time after he came in Howard had Brittany crawl out from under the console. Bill couldn't believe what he saw so that became the discussion for a while. When Brittany came out Bill told her to wipe her chin. He figured she must have been servicing Howard under there. Howard cleared Roy and all of the women out after that. Howard talked to Bill about things like a rumor that says Bill pleasures himself into a pillow case before each show. Bill denied that rumor. The two of them also spent some time talking about the President Clinton-Monica Lewinsky situation. Howard also brought up some stories he read in some of the tabloids. Bill was arrested once for drunk driving. He said that he wasn't really drunk but they put him in jail and made him go to 6 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Howard also brought up a story about how Bill once dated a prostitute. Bill said that was all a setup by the woman. He did go out on one date with her but he didn't know that she was an ex-prostitute. Howard and Bill also talked about the beautiful women Bill dates. He's dated a Playboy Playmate and a bunch of models. He doesn't plan on getting married and why would he if he's getting models? Bill told Howard about his Viagra experience too. He took it one time and said that he had an erection for just about the whole night. He said that it doesn't automatically get you aroused but once you do get an erection it stays with you for quite a while. Before Bill left Howard asked him who some of his friends were. Bill said that he hangs out with people like Jerry Seinfeld, Alan Thicke, Woody Harrelson and Kid from Kid & Play. Weird collection of friends. ''Politically Incorrect'' airs week nights on ABC. After Bill left he refused to cut any id's for the show. Howard played tape of Bill turning down the script they wrote for him. He said it wasn't his kind of comedy. Howard didn't seem too upset about it though.

• New York Yankees Pitcher David Wells Calls In. 10/5/98. 10:55am
  David Wells called in very late in the show today. He was stuck in traffic and just decided to call in to talk with Howard. Howard's been a fan of Wells' since he threw a no-hitter earlier in the season. Howard was thinking about going to one of the Yankee games against the Cleveland Indians but after thinking about it he changed his mind. He said he'd like to sit in the dugout but David told him that's against the rules. Then Howard offered to be a bat boy when David pitches. I don't think that'll happen either. Howard spent about 10 minutes talking with Wells about Daryl Strawberry's colon cancer among other things.