MarksFriggin.com - Stern Show News

Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 10/12/98 to 10/16/98

-- Friday October 16, 1998 --

Laurie The Perfect Breast Girl. 10/16/98. 6:30am
This women Laurie called in recently and told Howard that she had perfect breasts. She showed up at the studio today to prove it. As soon as she walked in you could tell by Howard's voice that she wasn't the most attractive thing. According to him she was a little bit heavy. The whole reason she came down was to show off a t-shirt and bumper sticker for Howard's Pittsburgh station WXDX 105.9. They're running some $10,000 contest for the most creative way of showing off their station. She had pretty big breasts but Howard said they were kind of droopy. They were far from perfect. As Laurie was leaving Howard said ''I may never get aroused again..'' That line says it all.
Calista Flockhart(?) Calls In. 10/16/98. 7:00am
Howard took a call from a woman who was supposed to be Alley McBeal star Calista Flockhart. There have been reports of her possibly being anorexic in the papers recently so Howard created this bit. ''Calista'' was on the phone to answer Howard's questions but the whole time she was making puking sounds. It was pretty short but it was really funny.
Robin Defends Her Veterinarian. 10/16/98. 7:05am
Robin has been speaking out about her favorite Veterinarian who was recently charged with mercy killing a friend who had terminal breast cancer. She was quoted in a newspaper article so Howard read it on the air. Jackie was reading the parts where Robin was quoted in his high pitched impersonation. Robin really wants her favorite Vet back in the picture because it's time for her cats to have their teeth cleaned.
The Gossip Game With Guest David Arquette. 10/16/98. 7:45am
Actor David Arquette came in to promote his new movie ''The Alarmist.'' Howard got to the Mike Walker gossip game pretty quick before getting into interviewing David. Mike Walker calls in each week with gossip stories from his National Enquirer column. Three of the stories are true, one is false. Try to pick the false story.
1. Cuba Gooding Jr. is so in love with his wife that when he has to film a movie he puts his wedding ring on his toe instead of his finger.
2. Sharon Stone bored the press at a press conference when she refused to answer any personal questions and just talked about baking cookies.
3. Tim Allen was to receive an honorary degree from his alma mater but when people at the school found out that he'd gone to jail on drug charges they decided not to give it to him.
4. Matt LeBlanc brought his new Jaguar in for service to find out what a strange buzzing sound was. It turned out to be a nose hair clipper he'd left in his glove compartment.
David, Howard and Jackie all chose number 3 as the false story. Robin picked number 2. The actual false story was number 3.
After the game Howard spent just about the whole interview talking to David about dating Courtney Cox. The two of them just got engaged so Howard had to find out all of the details. Howard usually calls Courtney ''Courtney Cock'' but when he was talking to David he was using her real last name. David is a fan of the show so he asked Howard why he wasn't calling her ''Courtney Cock'' while he was there. That was great. Howard could then feel comfortable calling her cock. Howard and David went over all of the details of how David met Courtney. The two of them met on the set of the ''Scream'' movie. At the time David was going through his drug experimenting period. It took him a while but he was able to charm her into his life. Eventually he got her in bed and proposed to her on a beach somewhere. David was a pretty cool guest since he knows what the show is all about. He also said that Courtney doesn't mind it when Howard calls her Courtney Cock. He said she has a really good sense of humor but she doesn't do Howard's show because she can't wake up early enough. Yeah, right. ''The Alarmist'' opens today and Howard said it's gotten some good reviews.
Judy The 240 Pound Fat Chick. 10/16/98. 8:55am
This woman wrote a letter to Howard asking him to humiliate her into losing weight. She came in for the abuse today. Judy weighs 240 pounds and, according to Howard, she's really sloppy looking. She explained her diet of meat and potatos to Howard. He'd planned to have Judy get into a bikini, put on a sign that said ''I'm A Fat Pig'' and walk out on the street. Judy refused to do it because she didn't want to embarrass her husband. Howard came up with an alternate idea. He had her put on a pig nose and eat junk food out of a trough like a real pig would do. She actually did that. After that Howard gave her some diet advice. He told her to eat egg whites, whole wheat toast and cantaloupe. He told her to drink water instead of the juices she was drinking. Howard convinced Judy to go down on the streets with the ''I'm A Fat Pig'' sign but in her clothes. Howard told her that he'd give her a videotape of that so she could watch it to get motivated into losing the weight. Howard watched Judy on his monitor while she told people on the street that she's a fat chick. She was asking people on the street if they thought she was a fat chick. Most of them told her that she wasn't that fat. I guess the people of New York were showing their nice side this morning. After Howard took a break he said that Judy was still out on the street. She was getting advice from some people out there.
Gary's Family Visits Howard. 10/16/98. 10:50am
As Howard was ending the show he mentioned that Gary had his whole family at the station today. Gary brought everyone in and Howard spent a couple of minutes with them. Gary's oldest son Jackson was really annoying. He kept yelling into the microphone saying ''Hello'' a bunch of times. Maybe it was cute in person but it was really annoying on the air. When Gary asked Jackson who the funniest person in the world is he said ''Jackie!'' Apparently Jackie has been around the kid a few times and the kid thinks he's pretty funny.
-- Thursday October 15, 1998 --
More Bad KC Games. 10/15/98. 7:20am
Howard let associate producer KC bring in some of his lame games to play this morning. KC comes up with some weird ideas for playing things on the air. Today he had the True False game where he would give Howard a fact and the crew had to decide if it was true or false. Howard seemed to like the game but it was kind of boring. Maybe it's KC's delivery that's boring.. Then KC was asking Howard about some guests that they were thinking about having on. Once again, KC was boring the crap out of me. The one subject that was kind of interesting was some facts about how people wipe their asses after taking a dump. He got the statistics from some guy at Charmin. He had percentages of how many people crumple their paper, fold their paper or wrap it around their hand like a mitten. Weird shit. Howard interrupted the boring games with some great Ponce De LaPhone phony phone calls. Ponce used tapes of Howard's voice to goof on some radio show hosts. After that KC had ''The Crackhead Bob Game'' where he'd play some tape of Bob saying something and everyone had to try and figure out what he said. Some of them were too easy but there was a couple that were hard to understand. Howard let a couple of people call in and play also. The final game was ''Celebrity Quotes.'' KC would give quotes then give 3 celebrity names and everyone had to figure out who said it. This was pretty cool because it shows how dumb some celebrities are. One of the best ones was Kim Basinger's quote of ''I'm a highly, highly, highly creative person.'' Another good one was President Clinton's ''Politics are for people who are too ugly to get into show business.'' The did quite a few of them but once again, KC bored me.
Gary Garver Interviews Dr. Laura. 10/15/98. 8:15am
Los Angeles interviewer Gary Garver tried to get an interview with Dr. Laura Schleshinger but he was pushed away but some people. He tried yelling out a couple of questions but Dr. Laura wasn't answering.
Nina Evaluated By Insane Clown Posse. 10/15/98. 8:30am
The bizarre white rap group Insane Clown Posse came in to evaluate a woman this morning. Ralph the fag was also there to do the evaluating. Howard spent a some time talking to Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J before bringing in Nina. As usual when these guys come in there were a bunch of angry phone callers yelling at them about how much they suck. More than one person has threatened to beat the crap out of these guys. They yell right back and invite the people down to fight. Nothing ever comes of it though. Eventually Howard brought Nina in to get evaluated. After some technical problems Howard finally got to talk to Nina. According to Howard Nina was a very nice looking Spanish, Hawaiian, Philippino woman. She came in to find out if she is Playboy Magazine material. She didn't think so but her boyfriend does. She stripped down to reveal her nice, big, natural breasts. Everything looked good until they got down to her big panties. Howard had her change into more sexy panties at one point. Ralph was the first person to evaluate Nina. He said that she has a great chest but her stomach is a little chubby and her hips were thick as were her thighs. He gave her a 7 out of a possible 10. Violent J was up next. He also thought she had great breasts but she had a wide head and her stomach was showing signs of love handles. He gave her a 9. Shaggy 2 Dope didn't think her breasts were that great. He said they should be bigger. He didn't think that she could be in Playboy unless it was on a back page with a bunch of other women. He said he'd give her an 8 or a 9. Howard was the last one to evaluate Nina. He pointed out her bad thighs and said that she should have a rib removed to give her a nicer shape. Howard said that she could maybe be in Playboy. Howard gave her a 9 but Ralph convinced him that was too high so he gave her an 8 instead. After the evaluation Howard let Nina's boyfriend come in. He couldn't believe that Ralph gave her such a low score. He called him a fag and yelled for a few seconds. After Howard got Nina out of the studio he spent some more time with Insane Clown Posse. Violent J told Howard about how he had electro shock therapy because he had a break down recently. It was pretty interesting to hear about that stuff.
David Wells Calls In...Again. 10/15/98. 9:55am
New York Yankees pitcher David Wells called in today to talk to Howard for a few minutes. The Yankees are going to the World Series so Howard is thrilled to talk to the star pitcher. Howard asked Wells to mention his name in his next press conference. He told him to say that the Yankees owe it all to Howard Stern. Wells didn't say he would do it. Stuttering John thinks that Wells had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder because after every pitch he grabs his crotch and touches his shirt in a certain way. Then at the end of the inning he jumps over the first base line. Wells said it's just a habit that's hard to get out of. Howard also talked to Wells about some of the stuff that goes on with the Yankees. Howard also took a phone call from a 23 year old woman who wants to meet David. Howard said he'd invite her down to the studio the next time Wells comes on the show. She claims that she's cute but a lot of pigs have done that in the past. Howard said ''I bet she has a moustache'' as he put her on hold. Howard said he wants one of Wells' trophies to put in the studio. Wells said he could give them one of his jock straps but not a trophy. Howard asked David to throw a perfect game for him on Saturday when the World Series starts.
Stephen Baldwin Calls In. 10/15/98. 10:35am
Howard got Stephen Baldwin on the phone to explain something to him. Stephen has been trying to get a personal phone call with Howard to ask about doing a favor. Baldwin wants to hook Howard up with a friend of his who wants to use a clip of Howard's show in a movie he made. Howard refers all of these type of calls to his agent Don Buchwald. Stephen didn't believe that so Howard had to convince him. He spent about 10 minutes explaining how he does things. Eventually Stephen understood and said he'd tell his buddy to call Buchwald. Stephen says that he makes all of his career decisions on his own and said that all agents are pricks. Howard said that's why he's in so many duds. Good point! I think Howard straightened him out.
-- Wednesday October 14, 1998 --
Robin's Veterinarian Arrested. 10/14/98. 6:05am
First thing this morning Robin told Howard that the veterinarian who takes care of her cats was arrested on manslaughter charges. He allegedly gave a terminal breast cancer patient some drugs that they use to put animals to sleep. Robin loves the guy and said she's going to miss him. He does house calls for Robin. Howard thought that the house call thing sounded pretty strange though. Robin said she'd still let the guy take care of her pets if he was released.
New Employee, Tara, Thinks Howard Looks Old. 10/14/98. 6:25am
Howard was talking to a couple of new employees at the station. The newest camera woman is 28 year old Tara. Howard was questioning her about some stuff and since she was attractive he asked if she was attracted to him. She said that she doesn't date older men. After she left the studio Mike Gange came back in and said that Tara said that older men have saggy skin and she doesn't like that. Howard flipped out and wondered if she thought he had saggy skin. He spent a few more minutes with her trying to find out just how old he looks to her. Eventually she said that Howard, Jackie and Gary all look the same age! Jackie is 50, Howard is 44 and Gary is 37. Quite a range there huh? They're just old men in Tara's eyes. Tara is assigned to follow Gary around with a camera during the show. I guess they'll use the footage on the Saturday night show.
Ann Marie Interviews Joe Pesci. 10/14/98. 7:15am
Intern Ann Marie went out and interviewed actor Joe Pesci about his new album ''Vincent LaGuardia Gambini Sings Just For You'' based on the character he played in ''My Cousin Vinnie.'' Pesci agreed to answer 2 questions but Ann Marie got off about 4 or 5. The one that freaked out Pesci's publicist was ''Did you bang Marisa Tomei?'' The other questions were pretty tame like ''Will there be a sequel to 'My Cousin Vinnie'?'' It sounded like Joe was ready to answer the Marisa Tomei question but his publicist cut off the interview. They also had tape of some goofy guy who was out on the street waiting for Joe to come out. He barely knew who Joe Pesci was but he wanted to tell him how his wife was a great singer. The Jamaican sounding guy was stuttering and totally wacky. He was so out of it he thought that a Joe Pesci impersonator was the real thing.
Web Site Of The Day: www.jailbabes.com. 10/14/98. 8:20am
Howard said that he'd found a really cool web site for guys who want to get laid. He had the guy, Ken, who runs the site on the phone. www.jailbabes.com has women who are in jail looking for pen pals. You go on the site and find the women you want to correspond with. Then you buy the address of the inmate for $7 and you can write to them. Ken says that it's like dating but you don't get to touch the women until they get out of jail. Howard checked out some of the women while he was on the air. He checked out a 19 year old by the name of Janice who looked okay. She doesn't get out of jail until 2009 though. Ken said that if you want to have conjugal visits with these women you have to marry them. That sounds kind of scary though. Check out the site and see what kind of women you can get.
Howard Talks To His New York Competition. 10/14/98. 8:30am
Earlier in the morning Howard mentioned that the latest ratings just came out and he's still number one in New York City. His second place competition is a spanish station. When the last ratings came out those people said that they were going to kick Howard's ass in the ratings. Well, the new ratings came and the spanish station lost ratings. Howard is still ahead by 30%. Howard wanted to talk to the guys who do the morning show so they sent Anne Marie the intern over there with a cellular phone. Howard eventually got to talk to the guys there and they were pretty cool about everything. They basically admitted defeat and said that maybe when Howard retires they'll be number one. The weirdest part was when Anne Marie first got there the guys were laughing uncontrollably for a really long time. I think the guys names were Colon and Jimenez or something like that. Later in the show at about 10:30 the guys came over to meet Howard in person. Howard didn't want to let them in because it was so late but he did anyway. There was Louis Jimenez and Epi Colon along with a bunch of other people from their show which airs on 97.9 in New York City. Howard spoke with them for a few minutes. He said he didn't mind having them on the show since he's not worried about losing to them. They were pretty cool about everything and one guy even said that he watched the show with Nicole Bass when Robin looked at her vagina in the bathroom.
Norman Lear Comes In. 10/14/98. 8:40am
TV producer/writer Norman Lear came in to promote Nick At Night's airing of his show ''All In The Family'' all this week. The shows air from 9pm to 1am on Nickelodeon. Norman produced and wrote for shows such as ''All In The Family'', ''The Jeffersons'' and ''One Day At A Time'' among others. The guy is filthy rich from all of his TV shows. Howard had his usual wacky research information about Norman. He heard that Norman has a 25 car garage and that he built it because his driveway was cluttered with cars. That wasn't exactly true. Norman explained that he has a tennis court built on a hill and underneath the court is a parking garage with space for 20 cars. Norman says he only has 3 cars though. Howard and Norman spent most of the time talking about how Norman got to where he is. He started out in films then moved on to TV. He sold his company for $485 million not too long ago. Norman said that he doesn't watch much TV now. Howard asked him if he'd seen ''Friends.'' Norman said it was a funny show but he's just not watching it. He did say that the new WB TV show called ''Felicity'' caught his attention and he watched it 2 weeks in a row. Before Norman left he told Howard that he had a good time on the show.
-- Tuesday October 13, 1998 --
Joe Pesci Not Doing Howard's Show. 10/13/98. 6:15am
Howard was playing a new album that Joe Pesci just put out. The songs are really bad and Howard wanted to let everyone hear just how bad. Then he said that Pesci won't do the show because another station in New York is actually going to play the album on their station. They're willing to play the awful songs just to get the guy on their station. Howard isn't willing to do that so Pesci isn't going to be on. Howard said he loves Pesci as an actor but not as a singer.
Joe And Janice, The Broken Penis Couple. 10/13/98. 7:40am
This guy and his wife came in to talk about how the guy broke his penis. Joe and Janice explained what happened about 3 weeks ago. The two of them have been married for about 6 years. They had the chance to go out one night so they went out drinking. They came home and went at it. Joe said that he was holding out longer than usual and his wife had 5 orgasms already. They were going at it pretty vigorously when Joe slipped out. As he headed back in he missed the target and snapped his penis. He said it popped like a cork out of a bottle. Joe got up, went to the bathroom, then called his wife to come in and look at his penis. By then it had ballooned up to the size of an apple and it was still growing. Joe was afraid that it was going to burst because of all the pressure so they went to the hospital. They got a male nurse who tried to tell Joe everything would be okay but Joe said the look on the guy's face told a different story. The hospital had to call in a urologist and it took an hour and a half for him to get there. Eventually they had to operate on his penis to go in and fix the broken blood vessels. Joe said they had to cut around the head of the penis to get inside. Joe was in pain for a while but he's getting better. He took pictures of the mess and showed them to Howard. It sounded like Howard was cringing as he was looking at the pics. Joe said his doctor told him that he couldn't have sex for at least 4 to 5 weeks and after that it would have to be oral for a while. Joe said he'd call in and let Howard know when they have sex for the first time.
Sandra Bernhard Comes In. 10/13/98. 8:10am
Comedian Sandra Bernhard came in to promote her one woman show ''I'm Still Here Damnit!'' which is moving to Broadway starting in November. It will be playing at the Booth Theater starting November 25. Sandra recently had a baby so Howard spent some time talking to her about that. The father of the child is still in Sandra's life and she said she still has sex with him. She hasn't said his name yet though. That's her big secret for some reason. Sandra said that she breast fed her daughter for about 2 months but she wasn't producing enough milk to continue. Howard said that's just a lame excuse so she could stop. Sandra said that she rents two different apartments, one for herself and the baby and one for her nanny right next door. Sandra also said that the baby sleeps in the same bed with her. Robin threw in her two cents and said that was a bad idea because the baby won't want to sleep in it's own bed when she decides to move her. I don't know where Robin gets all of this mothering knowledge from. Howard and Sandra also spent some time talking about her father who used to give her enemas when she was young. Sounds pretty messed up to me. Sandra also has a book coming out next month called ''May I Kiss You on the Lips, Miss Sandra.''
Woman Raising Money For John Denver Memorial Calls In. 10/13/98. 9:10am
This woman, Jo Smith, called in to tell Howard about how she's rasing money to buy a memorial park bench in Central Park for the late John Denver. Denver died a year ago when his airplane crashed after running out of fuel. Jo needs $5000 to get this bench which will have a plaque with John's name on it. Howard told her that he's heard of goofier things, but not many. He spent a few minutes picking at Jo's brain to see what makes her such a fan. Jo said that she's loved Denver for about 20 years and even played his music at her wedding 7 years ago. She claims that her husband loves Denver's music also. You can make contributions to this fund by heading over to www.johndenver.net. Howard seems to hate Denver's music and can't understand why anyone would like it. A listener called in from a VA hospital and told Howard that he's a big fan of John Denver's and that there are a lot of people out there who do. They guy may have been delirious from the radiation poisoning he's suffering from. The guy said that he was over in Europe and was hit by the Chernobyl nuclear plant explosion fallout. He also told Howard that he's going to buy Stuttering John's album because he likes the song ''Pretty Girl.'' Howard said that guy has some strange musical taste.. John Denver and Stuttering John?
Guy Who Has Sex With Sister Calls In. 10/13/98. 9:20am
This 24 year old guy called in claiming that he had sex with his 26 year old sister. He said that she's really hot and after getting stoned they got it on with each other. His story was pretty believable but when Howard told him that he wanted to speak to his sister he disappeared. Howard said he'd put him on hold but the guy was gone when Stuttering John went to pick it up. Howard may have accidentally hung up on him but then again, maybe the guy was just full of crap.
-- Monday October 12, 1998 --
Miscellaneous Crap. 10/12/98. 6:00am
Today was a strange day. Not much went on since today is a holiday for a lot of people. Howard spent a bit of time talking about going to his friend Neil's wedding over the weekend. Other than Dennis Rodman coming in there wasn't much worth mentioning... oops, spoke too soon. Howard broadcasting from his car was pretty interesting.
Dennis Rodman Comes In. 10/12/98. 7:40am
Basketball star Dennis Rodman came in an hour earlier than scheduled today. He was supposed to come in at 8:30 but showed up at about 7:15. He was promoting a new TV show that he's in called ''Special Ops Forces'' which is a syndicated show. Howard said he saw the show and that it was really good. Howard said that Dennis was dressed pretty conservatively today. Usually he's pretty outrageous in the way he dresses. Most of the interview was Dennis talking about how he met and banged Carmen Electra. He told Howard how he met her at Billboard Live out in California and stole her away from her boyfriend. He went on to talk about how he took her to a room and checked her for freshness but didn't have sex with her. He also said that Carmen's friend sat on the bed watching the two of them. It took a couple of dates before Dennis got Carmen but now he claims that they're dating. Howard has heard that Carmen is now with Tommy Lee but Dennis didn't know or care about that. Eventually Dennis gave Howard Carmen's phone number so he could ask her himself. Carmen was asleep when Howard called but she quickly woke up. She denied the Tommy Lee rumor and said she doesn't know where that came from. She said that she wouldn't go near the guy after what happened between him and Pamela Anderson. Once Howard started asking Carmen about dating Dennis neither one of them would give a concrete answer about their relationship. She wouldn't confirm Dennis' story at all. It was kind of weird. After the Carmen call Dennis' people said that he had to go to another interview. Howard took a couple of quick phone calls for him first. One woman knew Dennis from Las Vegas but Dennis didn't remember her until she mentioned something about a midget. Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out Magazine also called in to give Howard a piece of gossip about Carmen. He said that Carmen used to go to Scores to check out Dennis' ex-girlfriend who worked there. She would watch her to see how she danced for some reason. That was about it for this interview.
Howard Broadcasts From His Car Phone. 10/12/98. 8:45am
Since today is Columbus day Howard wasn't looking forward to going through the traffic in the city. He decided to end the show really early so he had Robin do her news segment about an hour early. He told Robin that they should do the news and get the hell out of there. Howard decided to leave the studio at 9:30 and do any remaining show from his car on the way home. He just wanted to get out of the city before the nightmarish traffic trapped him there. He kept his word and took a break at 9:30. By 9:45 Howard was on the air from his car phone. Howard's phone was all scratchy but Robin's was coming in pretty good. Gary was in the studio and said that it sounded like two kids who just got new walkie talkies. It was a mess that Howard didn't expect. Howard had his limo driver moving around to try and find a better spot. Eventually Ronnie the limo driver stopped the car in the middle of an intersection. While Robin was doing her news about the weekend movie totals Howard interviewed a guy on the street from his car. It was real quick but pretty funny. Howard said that he was very relaxed doing the show from his car. Jackie was chiming in with his comments during the whole thing also. The funniest thing was that Jackie's car was moving and his phone sounded great but Howard and Robin both had to have their cars stop to do the show. The show was over by 10 which is pretty unusual. Weird day! ..over..