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Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 1/12/98 to 1/16/98

-- Friday January 16, 1998 --

Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 1/16/98. 7:00am
KKK member, Daniel Carver, called in with 3 new movie reviews this morning. He rates the movies on a scale of 1 to 5 burning crosses. 5 being the best. Today's movie reviews were ''Greystoke: The Legend Of Tarzan'', ''Philadelphia'' and ''The Bird Cage''. Last time Daniel was on Howard said that he wanted Daniel to watch an old Tarzan movie too see what his reaction would be. Well he didn't rent an old on, he rented ''Greystoke'' instead. He said that the movie was just okay and that Tarzan only killed one black man in it. ''Philadelphia'' is about a gay guy so of course Daniel didn't care for that movie. ''The Bird Cage'' was also about gay people but it was a comedy so he gave it a bit of a break. Here's how he rated the movies:
- ''Greystoke: The Legend Of Tarzan'' - 3 burning crosses
- ''Philadelphia'' - 0 burning crosses
- ''The Bird Cage'' - 2 burning crosses
One thing ruined this segment.. Al Rosenberg, wait a second.. Untalented Al Rosenberg. He was doing his lame assed black impression again. Al hadn't been in earlier in the week but for some reason he was in today ruining the show like he was last week. The guy can do 3 bad impressions, Ed McMahon, a really bad black impression and Mr. T. They all suck but that's what he does. Maybe he was funny back in 1989 when he was on the WWOR show but Al's not funny now.
Esther The 400 Pound Woman Comes In. 1/16/98. 8:15am
This woman, Esther, called in earlier in the week looking to get in touch with Richard Simmons so that she could lose some weight. She said that she weighed 400 pounds and that she needed some inspiration to lose some of that. Howard talked her out of contacting Richard Simmons and told her to come down to the studio so he could see her. He told her that he'd tell her how to lose weight. Well she showed up today but Gary told Howard that she didn't look like 400 pounds. She looked more like 350.. wow! big difference huh? Well, this led to Howard and the gang betting on what her actual weight was. Each person bet $20, who ever came closest without going over would win the jackpot. Since it was kind of like ''The Price Is Right'' game, Howard called it ''The Ass Is Fat''. Here's how everyone bet:
- Mike Gange - 350
- Robin - 415
- Gary - 385
- Doug Goodstein - 335
- Scott DePace - 370
- Robin Radzinski - 411
- Tom Chiusano - 355
- Fred - 375
- Brian - 390
- Howard - 1 pound
Howard bet one pound in case she weighed less than everyone else's guess. Well she ended up weighing in at 355 pounds so Tom Cheapasano won the $200. I believe that he gave some of that money to Esther. Howard spend quite a bit of time with Esther and by the end of the interview he'd found out what her diet consisted of yesterday. She ate 3 quarts of ice cream for breakfast then for dinner she ate 4 dinner rolls with butter. Then at 4am she had a giant Tootsie Roll. Howard told her that she can come back on the show in 3 months and if she loses 50 pounds she WON'T have to show him her giant underwear. If she doesn't lose it she has to pull down her pants and show those giant panties. Let's all hope that she loses the weight. Howard's new sponsor, Bumble Bee Tuna, offered a free 3 month supply of tuna for Esther. One thing that Esther admitted to was being a virgin. She's been fat for her whole life so not too many guys have wanted her. A couple of listeners called in and offered to date her but one of them was a nutty chubby chaser and the other just wanted to hang out with her. At one point in the interview she asked Howard about Jackie. She asked where he was. Howard responded with ''..he's dead.. Some fat chick ate him''. Then he said that Jackie wanted more money and he wasn't with the show anymore. I'm sure we'll be hearing from Esther in the future.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Supermodel Veronica Webb. 1/16/98. 9:10am
Supermodel Veronica Webb came in and played The Mike Walker Game today. She was also in to ask for help for ''Life Beat'' an AIDS charity. Before Howard interviewed Veronica they played the game. I'll get that out of the way first. Mike Walker of The National Enquirer gives them 4 gossip stories. One of the stories is false, try to pick it. Here are the 4 stories:
1. O.J. was pulled over by police for speeding. The officer didn't recognize Juice until he saw his drivers license. O.J. Thought that he'd been pulled over just because he's O.J. and said ''You guys are never going to leave me alone are you?'' and sped off.
2. CBS Television is planning a special tribute to Sonny Bono which will star Cher and Sonny's many wives.
3. A pregnant fan of Robin Williams went up to him at a health food store. She ended up throwing up on him. Robin then replied ''I've gotten better reviews..''
4. Oprah Winfrey looks so different with no make-up on that when she walked off a set recently a rent-a-cop wouldn't let her back in because he didn't believe it was her. She ended up giving the guy a full time position.
Veronica picked number 2 as the false story. Howard also picked number 2 just because Veronica did. He was falling in love with the 5'10'' beauty. Gary picked number 3, Robin picked number 4 and Al Rosenberg picked 2. The actual false story was number 2. After the game Howard had to take a break. After the break he spent some time talking to Veronica about her life. Howard brought up the fact that Pamela Lee is on tonight's E! show so Veronica mentioned that she had seen the Pamela Lee home sex video. She was talking about some scene where Pam put on her sunglasses. Howard didn't remember that part but he just remembers how great a camera man Tommy Lee was. Tommy's able to do some amazing camera work while he's having sex.
Veronica has also written a book so Howard had some notes about some of the stuff in it. The book doesn't come out until next month so she wasn't promoting it today. Howard kept asking her about dating Spike Lee and Robert DeNiro but she didn't want to talk about it.
Howard eventually got around to talking about this ''Life Beat'' thing that she was there for. She sits on the board of Life Beat. It's an AIDS charity backed by the music industry. Gary also sits on the board. Life Beat is looking for donations. They really need office space because their current space will have to be given up by next Thursday. They also need office supplies and, of course, money. They need 2500 square feet of space in New York City so if you can donate that just give them a call at 212-245-3240.
Veronica eventually broke down and talked a little bit about Spike Lee and Robert DeNiro but didn't get into too much detail. She said that Robert DeNiro broke her heart. She didn't want to talk much about it until she returns to promote the book. I guess that will happen next month.
Before Veronica left Howard asked her to give him a hug and kiss. She went over but it sounded like she was a little bit disgusted by the whole thing. When Howard went to kiss her she buried her head so he couldn't get to it. Poor Howard..
-- Thursday January 15, 1998 --
Breast Implant Contest - Beauty Pageant. 1/15/98. 6:55am
Howard still has a set of breast implants to give away to a lucky listener. A Doctor down in Florida gave the prize to Howard recently. Howard took a bunch of calls from women who think they need the implants. The calls ranged from a woman who had a flat chest to a woman who already had implants but wanted them bigger. There was also a woman who wants to get into porno so she needs the implants. I think what's going to happen is Howard will narrow the list down to 5 women and have them come into the studio to have some kind of beauty pageant or something. When that happens I'll be sure to report on it right here.
Howard Speaks To Scientific Mapp's Father. 1/15/98. 7:00am
Howard and Robin have been talking about this basketball player who's name is Scientific Mapp. The fact that someone named their child ''Scientific Mapp'' intrigued Howard. Gary got in touch with the kid's father and Howard spoke to him this morning. The father's name is Edward Mapp. He told Howard that he had problems with his name when he was a child and didn't like it. He didn't really have a good reason for naming his kid Scientific though. He has another son by the name of Majestic. His other children have odd names but they don't really go with Mapp. There's also a basketball player by the name of Exree Hipp.. All of this is kind of funny to Howard but Mr. Mapp doesn't think it is. He said that his children are unique as are their names.
Guy With Tattoo's Of Howard And Robin Comes In. 1/15/98. 8:00am
Some guy came in who wanted Howard and Robin to autograph his back where he has tattoo's of both of them. Howard spent a few minutes looking over the guy's many tattoo's. He had all kinds of odd things tattooed to himself. He has ''Darkwing Duck'' which looked a lot like Daffy Duck according to Howard. He also has a turtle, a cross and some other odd things. The tattoo artist who did some of the work was also in the studio. He's from Lotus Tattoo somewhere on Long Island. The guy said that it took about 5 hours to do the tattoo of Howard and about 2 hours for the Robin. Ouch!
Nick Chapman, Author Of ''How To Have The Perfect Secret Affair'', Calls In. 1/15/98. 8:35am
This guy wrote a book about how to cheat on your spouse. The guy gave some hints on how to do it. Simple things like:
- Don't change your appearance all of a sudden
- Don't change your routine
- Don't use your home telephone to talk to the other person
- Think before you talk to your spouse
Those were just a few examples he gave. Howard took a couple of phone calls from people also. Some of them complained that the guy was a loser and some praised him for writing the book. One guy said that he just cheated on his fiance last night! The book is available from his web site at www.perfectsecretaffair.com
Howard To Hold Press Conference Next Week? 1/15/98. 9:25am
After listening to Mr. Blackwell's top 10 list of the worst dressed people for 1997 a couple of times, Howard decided that he'd like to do one himself. Each year Mr. Blackwell holds a press conference and reads off this list of the worst dressed people for the year before. He has an awful delivery, he makes lame rhymes, and he's very effeminate when he speaks. He mispronounces a lot of names and sounds like he's reading something that he's never read before. Howard started to goof on it late in the show and had a brilliant idea. He wants to hold a press conference so he can announce the top 10 gayest men of 1997. He was practicing making rhymes and impersonating Mr. Blackwell's delivery. Howard told Gary to call the press so they could hold the press conference but Gary isn't so sure that any press will show up. We'll see...
-- Wednesday January 14, 1998 --
The Funniest Phony Phone Call Ever!? 1/14/98. 7:40am
Howard was talking up this phony phone call like it was the best one he'd ever heard. Just before he played it he said that maybe he was exaggerating a little bit. The call was made by a couple of guys up in Canada. The guy making the call pretended to be Pavarotit's manager or something. He called room service at some hotel and told the woman that he was ordering breakfast for Pavarotti. In the background you could hear ''Pavarotti'' singing away. The call was pretty funny but it sure wasn't the funniest ever. It's hard to describe it here so I'll give it up now..
Private Parts Stand-Up Giveaway Game. 1/14/98. 8:25am
Howard decided to try and give away another one of these ''Private Parts'' movie stand-ups after The King Of All Recorders asked for one. KOAR played ''Dead or Alive'' for the stan-up but lost after getting only 2 out of 4 correct.
Steve Grillo Interviews Celebrities At Rolling Stone Cover Party. 1/14/98. 8:50am
Howard played tape of a couple of interviews that Steve got at this special party for Rolling Stone magazine's 30th anniversary. The interviews weren't that good. As a matter of fact Howard forgot that he was playing the tape halfway through it when 2 women called in who were having phone sex. They conference-called Howard and moaned a little bit. Then Owen Cass and Carnie Wilson called in and that distracted him even more. After he was done with Cass and Wilson he got back to the interviews. Grillo got Peter Wolf from The J Giles Band, Robin Quivers (yes Robin was there) and Carlos Santana. It wasn't much. Not even worth playing really.
Owen Cass And Carnie Phillips Call In. 1/14/98. 9:10am
Owen Cass, daughter of Mama Cass from ''The Mamas and The Papas'', called in to complain about Howard calling her fat yesterday during the news. She is fat but she wanted to complain anyway. On the phone with her was Carnie Wilson of ''Wilson Phillips''. Howard and Owen argued about how Mama Cass died back in the early 70's. Howard heard that she died while choking on a ham sandwich. The official cause of death was a heart attack so Owen argued with Howard for a while. Howard had both of them sing while they were on the phone. He wanted to see if Owen could sing like her mother. She can sing but not that great. Carnie also sang for Howard.
Robin To Be On Jeopardy Again? 1/14/98. 9:50am
Robin may be doing Celebrity Jeopardy once again. They're going to be doing the first ever favorite celebrity Jeopardy game in April. Robin asked Howard if she should do it again. Howard said as long as she's not up against Mark McEwen again she should do it. She lost to Mark the last time she played the game. Last time she played against comedian Rob Schneider and Mark McEwen. She came in second place.
The Adventures Of Ralph. 1/14/98. 10:10am
Howard's buddy Ralph came in this morning with disgusting subway story. He explained how he was on the train on his way in to the city. He saw an empty seat next to an old guy so he grabbed it. The guy wasn't looking too good, he looked like he was going to throw up or something, so Ralph decided to move from his seat. He stood up and when he looked back he noticed that there was feces on the old man's jacket and on the seat. Then Ralph looked down at his favorite sweat pants and noticed that it was on him!!! That's why the seat was empty next to the old man! Ralph said when he got off the train he just ran. He went to a deli and got some napkins to wipe the crap off. Then he went and bought some new pants. He didn't throw out the sweats he was wearing because they're his favorite. I think I would have set them on fire favorite or not. So that was the first adventure. Howard then went on to tell Ralph's California story. Ralph was out there for like a month. It turns out that he stayed with actor John Stamos for a few days out there. He went over to Stamos' house for a new year's eve party and stayed over night. He wouldn't give any exact time that he stayed there but said it was a few days total. Not only that but he went to Disneyland with John and his woman. His woman is a model, Rebecca Romijin.. When they went to Disneyland they all stayed in the same hotel room too! They had two double beds so they stayed together. Howard thought that was a bit strange. Ralph said he didn't think it was odd until Howard brought it up. Howard wanted to talk to John and find out what was up with all of this but he wasn't home this morning. Ralph also said that he stayed with John's family for a couple of days. He said the family was really nice. It turns out that Steve Grillo has also hung out with John Stamos. Stamos actually called Steve to wish him happy birthday at one time. If Howard gets John on the phone I'll be sure to report on it here.
-- Tuesday January 13, 1998 --
Still No Birthday Show. 1/13/98. 6:05am
Howard still thinks that he's going to have a birthday show sometime this week. Robin keeps telling him that there's nothing planned. Howard asked her to look in his eyes and tell him that. She was obviously lying to him. She almost admitted to having something planned but still denied it.
Private Parts Stand-Up Give Away. 1/13/98. 6:40am
Howard has some prizes to give away. He has a bunch of ''Private Parts'' 6' stand-ups courtesy of Warner Brothers. Howard played a few games today to give some away. First they played ''Dead or Alive'' where the lucky caller gets to guess whether or not a celebrity is dead. The first caller got 4 out of 4 guesses correct. The second game they played later in the show was to guess the old TV tunes. Howard let a couple of callers play this game. One of the callers knew way too many of the tunes. Howard was so impressed by the guy that he let him guess on about 15 different tunes. He may play in the future sometime.
Web Site Of The Day - www.voyeurplay.inter.net 1/13/98. 7:25am
Howard got a fax from someone with this web site on it. This part of the site has pictures from inside a toilet looking up at a woman. It sounds pretty messed up so I haven't visited it but here's the link anyway: www.voyeurplay.inter.net/hallpix.html
10 Steps To Enjoying A Woman. 1/13/98. 7:45am
Howard read an article in this new magazine ''Maxim'' about what women like when it comes to sex. He read most of it on the air this morning. There wasn't much going on today on the show.. I can't list all 10 steps here but some of the subjects covered were hints on oral sex, how to handle a woman's breasts and how sex should be taken slowly.
-- Monday January 12, 1998 --
Howard's Birthday! 1/12/98. 6:05am
Happy Birthday Howard! He's 44 today. No, there wasn't a special birthday show today. Howard was expecting one but he didn't get it today. Robin and Gary both told Howard that there won't be one this year. He doesn't believe them. He thinks there will be one sometime this week. Howard shares his birthday with some other famous people which they talked about this morning. Rob Zombie - 32, Kirstie Alley - 43, The Amazing Kreskin - 63, Rush Limbaugh - ? and Henny Youngman - 92 are some of those people. Kreskin called in later in the show to wish Howard a happy birthday. Howard couldn't take it and ended up hanging up on him.
A Corey Feldman Story. 1/12/98. 7:05am
This guy Bob called in this morning to tell Howard a story about Corey Feldman. Bob claims that he was involved in a hit and run accident with Corey. He said that Corey hit him and left the scene of the accident. Now Bob is suing Corey for injuries he got in the accident. Within a couple of minutes Corey was on the phone to defend himself. Corey told his side of the story and it was a bit different than Bob's. Corey said that he just tapped Bob's car when Bob stopped at a green light. The damage to Bob's car was $800 which isn't much these days. You can do $2000 worth of damage to a car just by backing into a lamp post.. don't ask how I know. Anyway, Bob and Corey argued on the phone for a few minutes about all of this crap and didn't get anywhere with it. Bob went to The National Enquirer with his story and got a fee for it so maybe he's exaggerating a bit. Bob kept insulting Corey's acting ability but it wasn't making him look good. He came off as a real jerk who's just out to make some money off of a very minor accident.
More On Jackie. 1/12/98. 8:15am
A caller asked Howard if there was any more developments with Jackie's contract negotiations. Howard said that ''..we dig him..'' and that they wish that they'd (Jackie and Tom Chiusano) work things out. He's not even sure if they're still in negotiations.. So he says. Howard also said that if something doesn't happen soon he'd have to move on. There was also a mention of some ''interesting new developments'' made by Howard. I don't know what they are but I'd think he'd announce them soon. Now for some good news for those of you who didn't like hearing Al Rosenberg's awful impressions in the background, don't worry. Howard said that Al will not be replacing Jackie... Whew!
Contest Winners From England Come In. 1/12/98. 8:30am
Howard had a couple of women, who won a contest in England, come in to the studio this morning. One woman won the contest when she answered a question about Howard correctly. She said that she couldn't remember what the question was. Somehow Howard got on the subject of how Gary has to talk to clients who advertise on the station. Howard used to do it himself but didn't have time anymore. Gary brought up a very interesting story about a recent meeting. He met with the 16 year old kid who runs the Bumble Bee Tuna division. The job was handed down to the kid from his father. This kid makes all of the decisions for the company! There is some guy who goes around with him to make sure he doesn't do anything crazy but he makes the decisions. Gary said that the kid offered the corporate jet to Howard anytime he needs it! Howard wished that he had taken that meeting. It sounded too interesting to have missed.
Howard Talks To Disabled Celestine. 1/12/98. 8:50am
If you've been a fan of the show for a few years then you might remember Celestine. She's a woman who was born with no legs or arms. She hangs out down in Atlantic City on the boardwalk and plays an electronic keyboard with her tongue! Well, she called in today to tell Howard that she's working for McDonald's now. She goes around on her gurney handing out flyers for a McDonald's restaurant down in Atlantic City. It may be her first real job ever. She usually makes money playing the keyboard for hand-outs. If you're ever down in A.C. make sure you keep an eye out for her, it's quite a site to see.
Mother Of Missing Son Calls In. 1/12/98. 9:15am
Howard talked to Susan Andrews this morning. Her 22 year old son disappeared on New Year's Eve and hasn't been seen since. She called Howard because she found a post-it note with Howard's name and number on it. She figures that if he heard the show he'd call home. She still has hope that he'll come home okay but it sure doesn't look good. The kid is 6'4'' tall and is very, uhh, unique looking from what I've seen. If you know where he is.. well call the cops or whatever.