Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. June 1997

-- Monday June 30, 1997 --

Best Of Stern. 6/30/97.
It's summer vacation time for Howard and the gang so it's Best Of all week long. What a bummer huh? Here's today's best of:
- Some woman who killed her boyfriend calls Howard.
- Howard talks to David Koresh's Mother and Brother.
- Howard sings ''Mmm mmm mmm mmm'' by the Crash Test Dummies(one hit wonder)
- Discussion about the Larry Amoros alleged ''Buttmaster'' incident.
- Discussion about an article written about Jackie and his many homes out on Long Island.
- Some Puerto Rican guy declares war on Madonna.
- Howard talks about NAMBLA(North American Man Boy Love Association) and talks to a member.
- Howard does his best Ted Kennedy and Joan Kennedy impression.
- Scott The Engineer gets yelled at after asking for Richard Simmons phone number so Richard could motivate him to stop eating and smoking.
- Green Acres radio bit.
-- Friday June 27, 1997 --
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... No Moves Today. 6/27/97.
That's right, another day without chess moves. Now we'll have to wait until at least July 7 before another move... And I was starting to have fun re-creating the moves on the chess page!
Gary's Wife Expecting Another Child! 6/27/97. 6:50am
Oh no! Another Dell'Abate!!! Gary announced that his wife is pregnant once again. His son Jackson must be at least 2 years old by now and the fool is having another! Howard couldn't believe that Gary would put himself through that nightmare again. He's complained in the past about how hard it is to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the kid and then go to work at 4:00 in the morning. Gary said that he and his wife wanted Jackson to have a sibling so they went ahead with it.
The Mike Walker Game. 6/27/97. 7:10am
It was an early start for The Mike Walker game today. Not only that but there were a total of 7 people playing! Howard wanted one more person to play but ended up with four more. Robin Radzinzki, Supervising Producer of the E! show, was one new player. Also playing were Amy the paid intern, Steve Grillo and Nick the Harvard intern. For those of you who are new to the show, Mike Walker is the gossip editor for The National Enquirer. He calls in with 4 gossip stories, one of which is false. Try to pick the one that is false. Here are the stories:
1. Raquel Welch tried to get out of a contract saying that she was allergic to something at the theater where she's starring in Victor Victoria, the producers told her to get over it or else. She's now cured of her allergies.
2. Rosie O'Donnell is to play Totie Fields in some movie or play.
3. JZ Knight, some spiritualist, is fighting with another spiritualist over the rights to a 35,000 year old guy called Ramtha.
4. Batgirl Alicia Silverstone was having problems with her car alarm. She couldn't get it to shut off so she popped the hood and yanked out a wire. The alarm kept going and after that the car wouldn't start.
Nick the Harvard intern picked number 3 as the fake, Amy chose number 2, Steve Grillo chose 4, Robin Radzinski picked 2, Robin Quivers chose number 1, Jackie The JokeMan chose number 2 and Howard also chose 2. The actual fake story was number 1. The only person to get it right was Robin Quivers.
Keanu Reeves' Band Dogstar Visit. 6/27/97. 7:45am
Did I spell his name right? I have no idea. Anyway, Keanu and his band came in to hang out with Howard for a little while this morning. They didn't perform any of their songs but Howard did play a song off of their CD. Howard asked Keanu about rumors of him being gay. He says the rumors are all false. He's not gay. At one point during the interview a woman called in and said that she'd do anything to get backstage at one of their shows. She said that she'd give all of the band oral sex but when Howard told her to bark like a dog she refused! She's willing to give they the oral but not bark like a dog on the phone. How strange is that? Howard gave her a chance but she blew it. She wouldn't oink like a pig either... Such a simple thing to get back stage and she wouldn't do it! Dogstar's CD isn't available in stores but if you go to their web site at www.dogstarfan.com you might be able to find out how to get one. It's called ''Our Little Visionary'' in case you were wondering. Keanu said that he's got a movie coming out this fall. He stars with Al Pachino.
Norm MacDonald On The Phone. 6/27/97. 8:35am
Comedian Norm MacDonald was on the phone to explain a story that Howard read the other day. Norm was performing his stand-up routine at some college out in Iowa when most of the audience walked out because of the profanity he was using. Norm explained how sometimes his act is clean and sometimes it's dirty and this time it was dirty. He said that about 1800 of the 2000 people that were there walked out during the act. The other 200 were enjoying the material he was doing. He said that one of the things he talked about was seeing a woman making love to a pig in a movie. Howard asked him what part of the act the people hated the most. Norm said that it was when he was talking about how guys will wait until their wives are asleep until they masturbate. At one point in the show Norm said he heard a guy say to his wife ''..get your coat..'' That's how bad it was. Norm blames the whole thing on his agent because the guy didn't tell Norm that there were kids in the audience. He also said that he's not going to apologize for what he did.
Soul Coughing Comes In To Perform. 6/27/97. 9:05am
For some odd reason Howard loves the song ''Super Bon Bon'' by this band. He loves the way the guy sings ''move aside and let the man go through'' over and over. The band performed that song first, then did their new single ''Soft Serve'' or something like that. Howard didn't interview them much. It was basically just the band playing.
-- Thursday June 26, 1997 --
Stuttering John At Shoshauna Lonstein's Birthday Party. 6/26/97. 6:55am
Somehow Stuttering John made it into Jerry Seinfeld's ex-girlfriend's birthday party. He got to ask her one question about Jerry Seinfeld before she ran off refusing to answer. John spent the rest of his time interviewing Shoshauna's friends. He asked a bunch of her friends things like:
- Do you think Shoshauna's a gold digger?
- Would you like to see Shoshauna naked in a mens magazine?
- Should Shoshauna only date rich guys?
- If Shoshauna was dating a 43 year old guy who wasn't famous what would you tell her?
Each of the girls that John interviewed had the same answers to each question like they all shared one brain. John said that almost every girl at the party had their own limo driver! That must have been some party!
Lindel Hobbs(sp?) Begs Howard To Do The Movie With Melanie Griffith. 6/26/97. 7:10am
The woman who wrote the movie that Howard may be appearing in called in this morning to see if Howard is going to do the movie. She kept telling him that he would be great for the part. Howard already knows that he'd be great, she didn't have to tell him that. He didn't give her an answer on the air though. He said that his agent would be calling her later in the day with a final answer. The way he was talking it sounded like he really wants to do the movie. It'll take 3 weeks of work for him to do his part. At least it won't be 3 months like it was with Private Parts.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Move 9. 6/26/97.
Here are today's moves:
- Howard - King's Bishop to Queen 3
- Mr. X - Knight at Queen Bishop 3 to Queen Knight 5
Mr. X wanted Howard to make more moves since they'll be taking a break from this for a few days next week. Howard said that he needs more time to think about his next move.
Woman Picks Up Dollar Bill With Her Breast! 6/26/97. 8:25am
The woman who called in yesterday saying that she could pick up a dollar bill with her breast finally made it in this morning. The 41 year old woman didn't waste much time getting to her talent. She put a dollar bill on the edge of the console and proceeded to flop out one of her D-cup breasts. She then put her breast over the dollar bill and dragged it off the console. The bill was then stuck between her chest and her breast. What talent! Before she left she said that she could take 4 quarters and put them under her breast and give 2 of them as change. She tried the trick with Gary holding his hand under her breast. All 4 quarters came out though. Oh well, 1 out of 2 ain't bad...
Blues Traveler Come In To Perform. 6/26/97. 8:40am
The oh so large John Popper came in with another member of the band by the name of Chan today. They're out promoting their new album ''Straight On 'till Morning''. John was telling some funny stories before they performed. The best story was about how he ended up breaking a toilet when he went to take a dump. He said that the toilet was a wall mounted unit up in Canada at some press conference or something. He said that he was sitting there when he heard a creak sound and all of a sudden he was lying on the floor in toilet water and shards of broken porcelain. He knows that he has to lose weight but it's hard to do while he's working. I think that if I broke a damn toilet because of my weight I'd lose some weight IMMEDIATELY. He's planning on going on a diet sometime in 1998. After that story John was telling Howard that he wrote the theme song to the Roseanne show. He tried to sing a little bit of it but was having trouble remembering the way the song went. There were some contest winners who came down to the studio to see the band perform so Howard interviewed a few of them. One 26 year old woman was really good looking so Howard started talking to her and her boyfriend. Before they knew it they were getting engaged!!! Howard told the guy that he should marry this woman because she's so hot. All of a sudden he was proposing to her. He said that he had already purchased a ring but he didn't have it with him. He took Howard's advice and went for it. Then he sang the Lionel Ritchie song ''Lady'' to her.. on his knees! Jackie was cracking up the whole time. After that fiasco John and Chan performed ''Carolina Blues''.
-- Wednesday June 25, 1997 --
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... No Moves Today. 6/25/97.
For some reason they didn't get around to making any more moves in the chess game. There was no explanation. Hopefully there will be another move tomorrow.
Howard's Meeting With Melanie Griffith. 6/25/97. 7:25am
Howard has been thinking about doing a part in a movie this summer. He thought that all of his meetings with the movie people were supposed to remain secret, that is until this morning when he read about a meeting in Michael Fleming's column in Variety. Howard met with Melanie Griffith yesterday to go over the script. Details of the meeting were in some newspaper article. The article even described the part that Howard would be playing. Howard didn't get into that on the air though. He said that Melanie was a real knockout. He must have been star struck because in my opinion, Melanie Griffith has lost her looks in the past few years. Not just a little bit either, whenever I've seen her on tv she looks like a rubber blow up doll that went through a trash compactor... So anyway, Howard went on and on about how gorgeous Melanie was and how he starred at her crotch during the meeting. Maybe if Howard does the movie it'll make some money but Melanie certainly can't be a box office draw, can she?
The Etch-a-Sketch Artist Comes In. 6/25/97. 8:20am
This woman, Sue, sent Howard a picture of an Etch-a-Sketch drawing that she made of Howard. Howard was so impressed that he had her come down to the studio to draw another one. When she came in this morning she had an Etch-a-Sketch of Gary as a monkey. Howard was amazed at how good it looked. She said that she just does it when she's at some bar. Howard pointed out how useless the talent was because there's no way to make money doing it. While Sue was in the studio some guy came in who makes noises with his mouth. Yet another useless talent.. He had called in earlier in the show and demonstrated some of the sounds over the phone. Howard decided to make a game out of it. The guy would make the sounds and Howard and Robin would try to guess what they were. He did everything from a chainsaw to a heartbeat. The chainsaw must be his specialty because he had some powder that he blew out when he made the noise. He blew it all over the studio because everyone was complaining about breathing the crap in. After that nightmare Howard sent the Etch-a-Sketch woman out to the green room to etch another sketch of the Private Parts movie poster. Howard gave updates once in a while for the rest of the morning but didn't have her come back into the studio. It was really amazing according to both Robin and Howard. Maybe it'll air on E! sometime in the near future. Keep an eye on the E! show schedule!
The Guy Who Picks Up Money With His Private Parts. 6/25/97. 9:30am
Earlier in the show a woman called in and told Howard that she had a special talent... She can pick up dollar bills with her breasts without touching them with her hands. Howard told her that she could come down but she couldn't make it in. So this guy showed up who said that he could pick up the bills with his genitals. I don't know what part of his genitals he meant but it didn't matter because he couldn't do it. Before he came in the studio they had him demonstrate in the bathroom. He did it for about half a second according to Steve Grillo. It turned out to be some guy from a band who wanted to get a plug for his band.
Howard Gives Away Red Peters Prize. 6/25/97. 9:00am
If you've been listening to the show for the past few months you've probably heard the Red Peters song about the dog named Stains. Well Red Peters sent Howard the real dog's collar mounted on a placque. Howard had a contest to give the thing away. It was a simple contest. They played a TV show theme song and someone had to guess it. The theme song was from The Golden Girls. Some guy won it pretty easily. Howard played a couple more since he had the TV theme song CD in the player. One theme was from Webster. A 23 year old woman from Florida got the correct answer. Howard was curious as to how a young woman would know the answer so he talked to her a bit while she was on her car phone. He wanted to know what she looked like so he told her to pull over and ask a stranger to tell Howard what she looked like. One guy just walked away from her when she asked him to get on the phone. After that she said that she was late for work and there was nobody on the streets. Eventually Howard gave up.
-- Tuesday June 24, 1997 --
Guess Who's The Jew With Kurt Waldheim Jr. 6/24/97. 7:25am
Howard had more Tyson/Holyfield tickets to give away this morning so they played Guess Who's The Jew. It took 4 callers before they got a winner. It usually doesn't take more than 2 callers. Here are some of the callers choices:
Category: TV Fatsos
- Kirstie Alley
- Carnie Wilson
- Teri Hatcher
The caller chose Kirstie Alley, the actual Jew is Carnie Wilson.
Category: Soap Opera Jews
- Jeanie Francis
- Steward Damen
- Anthony Geary
The caller chose Anthony Geary, the jew was Stewart Damen, whoever the hell that is.
Category: Too Old For Tampons
- Jacqueline Bissett
- Ellen Bersten
- Karen Black
Caller chose Ellen Bersten, the jew was Karen Black.
Category: Get Smart
- Barbara Feldon
- Ed Platt
- Don Adams
Caller picked the correct jew, Don Adams. She wins a trip to Las Vegas to see the Mike Tyson/Evander Holyfield fight at the MGM Grand.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Move 8. 6/24/97. 8:20am
Here are today's moves:
- Howard - Pawn (at King 5) moves to King Bishop 6 and takes Pawn (at Kings Bishop 4) en passant.
- Mr. X - Knight at Queen 5 takes Pawn en passant
Finally, some pieces come off the board. Now they're getting down to business. Mr. X wants to get this game moving. He wants to make more than one move a day but Howard wants to take his time doing this so he's keeping it to one move a day. Next week they won't be able to play because it's vacation time for Howard.
Psychic Linda Georgian Calls In. 6/24/97. 8:25am
Linda Georgian is one of the most popular of the psychics at the Psychic Friends Network. She wrote a letter to Howard recently telling him about how she's filed for bankruptcy and the network isn't paying her anymore. Howard had her on the phone to explain the whole thing today. She complained that the people who run the Network won't let her work and she's not being paid. Robin asked her why, since she's a so called psychic, she didn't know that this would happen in advance. She said she kind of did have an idea that this was happening. She bitched and complained for way too long. The whole psychic thing is a scam so now Linda knows how it feels to be ripped off.
Kevin Smith Calls In. 6/24/97. 10:15am
Earlier in the morning Howard was talking about comic books and movies based on comic books like Batman and Superman. He's heard that there's a new Superman movie in the works with Tim Burton directing it. The script was written by this guy Kevin Smith who wrote ''Chasing Amy'' and ''Clerks''. Kevin heard Howard talking about it so he called in to talk to Howard. He agrees with Howard about the new Batman movie sucking. He called it ''..like a gay Fantasia..'' He also talked about the Superman script that he wrote. He said that the original script isn't being used but a lot of his ideas are. The dialog is changed. He's going to send the scripts to Howard so he can read them for himself.
-- Monday June 23, 1997 --
Norfolk Virginia Loses Howard! 6/23/97.
As of last Friday, Howard is no longer carried on WKOC in Norfolk Virginia. You can read more about it at The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter.
Janks Accused Of Lying And Forging! 6/23/97. 6:30am
Captain Janks' ex-roommate called in for the second time in the past couple of weeks. He's been saying that Janks owes him some money from when he lived with him. Janks denied the accusations the last time they were on the phone. Today the roommate called in to accuse him of other things like forging Howard's name when he signs books and stealing stuff. Janks gets very defensive when this guy says these things but some of them he doesn't deny. He just blurts out that the other guy is a pot dealer. Howard is going to have the two of them come in and have Janks take a lie detector test. Howard will be the Judge and Jury... Stay tuned for more!
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Move 7. 6/23/97. 8:05am
Here are today's moves:
- Howard - Queen's Pawn to the 4th
- Mr. X - King's Bishop Pawn to King Bishop 4
Not much progress yet. Stay tuned for more and check out the new chess board graphic on the big chess game page!
Motley Crue Comes In To Perform. 6/23/97. 9:20am
Motley Crue came in to perform their new single ''Afraid'' this morning. A couple of the members were supposed to bring their wives with them so Howard could drool all over them but they didn't show up. Pamela Lee and Donna D'Erico were the two wives that Howard was waiting to see but no such luck. He seemed a little bummed out that the two of them weren't there. He ended up asking a couple of questions about stories he's heard about the band. There was a story about Tommy Lee having a tattoo on his penis with his wife's name. That turns out to be false. One story about Nikki that Howard asked about turned out to be true. It was some kind of bet to see how many women Nikki could have sex with without taking a shower. He ended up not taking a shower for 30 days and slept with 17 different women! I can't imagine the stink coming off of that guy. He said that not one of the women complained either. That shows you what stardom does to women. The guys in the band are going to be having a listening party tonight in New York so they asked Howard if he wanted to introduce them. Howard has a bed time of about 8:00 and that's when they go on so Howard may show up. Who knows...
Steven Baldwin Calls In Again. 6/23/97. 10:05am
Steven Baldwin called in again to plug his golf tournament that he plugged last Friday. He ended up talking about walking off a movie that he was doing because of creative differences with the director. It was mutual according to Steven. He was starring along with Jennifer Aniston from NBC's Friends. He just couldn't get into the part the way they wanted him to so he left after one day and they hired a new guy to take his place. By the time you read this the golf tournament will be long gone so I won't even mention it.
-- Friday June 20, 1997 --
Howard Reviews Batman And Robin. 6/20/97. 7:00am
Howard went to his own screening of the new Batman and Robin movie yesterday. He came away disappointed. He and Robin both agreed that it just had no story line to it and it really sucked. Howard also said that Alicia Silverstone should have lost some weight for the part. She was a little chunky and she had a moustache problem also! Howard didn't like Uma Thurman's character, Poison Ivy, either. He said that the acting in the movie was okay but they didn't have a good script to go with. Howard enjoyed the first Batman which was directed by Tim Burton.
Siskel And Ebert Come In. 6/20/97. 7:35am
Movie reviewers Siskel and Ebert came in to hang out for a short while this morning. Roger Ebert, the fat one, was there to plug a new book that he wrote called ''Questions For The Movie Answer Man''. Howard asked them for their reviews of a few movies including the Batman movie. Both Siskel and Ebert agreed with Howard about the movie sucking. They also said that Jurassic Park The Lost World has the same problem. It has great special effects but there's no story. They recommended the movie Bliss and My Best Friends Wedding as good movies to see. Before they left Howard had one of his interns come in to the studio because he loves Siskel and Ebert. Howard said that when the intern heard that the two of them were coming in he started trembling with excitement. He came into the studio and kissed both of their asses for a few minutes. Howard also demonstrated the new Gary puppet head on the intercom speaker. The mouth moves when Gary speaks through the thing.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Move 6. 6/20/97. 8:35am
Here are today's moves:
- Howard - Knight (@ queen 2) to (Kings) 4th
- Mr. X - Bishop (@ queens bishop 4) to King 2
Mr. X's move wasn't his first try. He took back his first move which was Knight (@ queen 4) to King 2. Howard let him take the move back I guess because Howard took back his move during yesterday's game.
The Mike Walker Game. 6/20/97. 8:55am
Howard had another guest come in to play the Mike Walker game today. This time it was a comedian with Cerebral Palsy by the name of Michael Oronin. Howard interviewed him a little bit before playing the game. He asked him if he was any good at sex and when he got laid for the first time. Michael has a fiance and is supposed to be getting married next month. So anyway, on to the game. Here are this week's choices. There are 4 stories, one of which is a phony. Try to pick the fake one:
1. Bruce Springstein is now manufacturing dog food.
2. Tony Danza was at an awards show smoking a cigar in the bathroom. When someone told him that he had to come accept an award he said he was busy and someone else had to accept for him.
3. Kelsey Grammar has taken up water color painting and most of his paintings are of women with huge breasts.
4. Uma Thurman was making breakfast for some guests of hers when they heard a loud boom from the kitchen. It turns out that she microwaved eggs while they were still in the shell and they exploded.
Michael the CP comedian guessed that number 1 was the fake, Howard guessed number 2, Robin picked number 3 and Jackie also picked 3 as the phony. The actual fake story was number 2. So Howard won this week. He couldn't believe that anyone would give an award to Tony Danza...
After the game Howard invited Michael's fiance in to interview her. She and Michael talked about how they met and how Michael has been married once before and has a child with that woman. Michael plugged a couple of appearances that he's making in the near future and then he left.
-- Thursday June 19, 1997 --
The Hay Bailing Amputee Calls In. 6/19/97. 6:40am
A guy called Howard this morning to ask for some help getting a woman. His main problem is that he lost both of his arms in a farm accident a few years ago. He said that he was helping his grandfather bail hay. He went to clear out a blockage in the bailer and it snagged one of his arms. He tried get the arm out but the machine got both of his arms. The guy went on to tell Howard how he gets himself off now that he doesn't have arms. He said that he uses a watermelon. He somehow cuts a hole in the mellon and uses it as a woman! The guy should be coming on the show in the near future, possibly tomorrow.
Vanessa The Stripper/Beer Bottle Sucking Contest. 6/19/97. 7:15am
Vanessa called the show yesterday and told Howard that she was really good looking and that she wanted to come down to the studio to meet him. Howard was curious enough that he said she could come down. She showed up and she was actually good looking according to Grillo and Howard. She's a 19 year old lesbian, dominatrix, bi-sexual stripper and I believe that she may also be a phone sex woman. Howard noticed while she was stripping that she has her tongue and belly button pierced. Her girlfriend was also there with her. Howard announced yesterday that he'd be giving away tickets to the upcoming Tyson/Holyfield fight to a woman who could make the best sucking sound on a Gold Beer bottle. The first contestant was Vanessa since she was already there. She moaned and sucked on the bottle well enough that she could have won but there were a few more women waiting in the green room. Before they came in Vanessa's girlfriend Jesse gave the bottle her best shot. It wasn't as good as Vanessa's though. Gary brought in the 3 women who came down for the contest. Celeste, Annabelle and Randi all came down to suck on some bottles. Celeste was first, she drank most of her beer before making a lame effort at the bottle suck. Annabelle was next, she was also pretty tame with the noises. The last woman, Randi, ended up winning the tickets by using two bottles and some whipped cream. She was the unanimous winner in that contest.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Howard Cheats! 6/19/97. 8:45am
This is the fifth move for the big chess game. The moves may be a bit controversial because Howard took back his move and changed it after seeing his mistake. Howard said that he had planned to make a move yesterday but he forgot what it was. First he moved his Queen's Pawn to the 4th. Then Mr. X did Knight takes Pawn. Howard took his move back and said ''Oh yeah, why would I do that?'' and took the move back. Mr. X said it was okay because it's Howard's show. Howard then made his official move:
- Howard - King's Knight to the 3rd
- Mr. X - King's Bishop to Queen Bishop 4
According to some people Howard needs to make more of an attack on Mr. X. He may need some help from a professional if he wants to win this thing.
Steven Baldwin Calls In. 6/19/97. 8:55am
One of the many Baldwin brothers called in to plug some celebrity golf tournament that he's throwing. The money made from the event goes to some AIDS charity. Steven talked to Howard about a bunch of stuff while he was on the phone. He even tried to get his 4 year old daughter to talk to Howard but she wouldn't do it. Howard told Steven that he hates when people do that with their kids. He hates talking to little kids on the phone like that. Steven also brought up Charles Grodin and how weird it is that he brings up Howard so often on his lame show.
Howard's Web Site Visit For Today. 6/19/97. 9:45am
During the news Howard got on the subject of the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). He told Gary to go do some research on it but then remembered that he now has a T1 line for his web browsing so he decided to search for NAMBLA himself. The first site he went to was nambla.com but it was under construction. Gary called over the intercom from his office that NAMBLA has a web site under nambla.org URL so Howard took a look. Gary said that there's some very disturbing stuff on the site. The whole organization is disturbing. It's for men who make love to little kids...
-- Wednesday June 18, 1997 --
Lynn Snowden And Uzo Come In. 6/18/97. 7:20am
Who is Lynn Snowden? She's some woman who has an area on America Online (Keyword:The Hub) where she's written an article about what men want sexually. Howard had her in because she had some interesting sex stuff to talk about. Uzo was also visiting New York so she came in to see Howard. Uzo came in during Lynn's segment to talk to Howard about her massage club out in Los Angeles. It's more like a whore house though because the full body massage's are sexual. Uzo was filled with all kind's of interesting stuff today. Howard noticed that she gained some weight and as it turns out, she was pregnant but lost the baby. She actually went to a sperm bank and got pregnant! She got the sperm of a Nigerian man which surprised Howard because she's said in the past that she doesn't really like the looks of black people. She lost the baby but said she may try again. She has enough money in the bank to support herself and a baby so why the hell not have one? You can visit her massage club on the web at www.thatmall.com Howard checked it out while she was there and saw some really good looking massage girl by the name of Amber.
Stump The JokeMan For Holyfield/Tyson Tickets. 6/18/97. 8:15am
Howard had a couple of tickets to give away this morning so they decided to play Stump The JokeMan. It was the usual collection of lame jokes so Howard ended up giving the tickets away to some lucky guy who just happened to call in at the right time. Tomorrow they'll be giving more tickets away but the contest is a little different. A woman who can make the best sound by sucking on a bottle of Gold Beer will win the tickets.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... The Fourth Move. 6/18/97. 8:40am
Here are today's moves for the big chess game:
- Howard - Queen's Knight to Queen's second
- Mr. X - Queen's Knight to Bishop 3
Mr. X was surprised by Howard's move. Howard knew that he would be surprised but Mr. X's move surprised Howard also. Who's going to win this thing?
Arnold Schwartzenegger Calls In. 6/18/97. 8:45am
Arnold called in to plug the new Batman movie in which he plays Mr Freeze. Howard also talked to him about his recent heart operation and if it affected his sex drive. Arnold joked about his heart operation and said it was not a big deal. Arnold also said that he enjoyed Private Parts. He saw it at a private screening at his home and then in a big theater. Arnold told Howard that he set up a private screening of Batman for him. Howard hasn't seen the movie yet but after seeing some of the coming attractions he's said that the Mr. Freeze character looks kind of gay. Maybe when Howard actually sees the movie he'll like it.
Don't Miss E! Tonight! 6/18/97. 9:40am
Tonight's E! show is called ''Dame Dhat Dune'' or Name That Tune. It's Crackhead Bob singing songs and people on the phone trying to guess what they are. There's also a new video of Bob singing a bunch of Van Halen songs as the new lead singer of the band. For fans of Crackhead Bob this is a must see episode!
-- Tuesday June 17, 1997 --
John Bon Jovi Comes In. 6/17/97. 7:30am
All of John Bon Jovi's instruments were set up before he and his band came in to play so Howard decided to have a little fun with them. He had Jackie on drums, Fred on guitar and himself on keyboards. The trio sang ''Louie Louie'' and a very unusual version of ''Hang On Sloopy''. Surprisingly the three sounded okay. They all knew how to play their respective instruments fairly well for guys without practice. John Bon Jovi has a new album out so he came in to perform the first single and another hit of his. This isn't a Bon Jovi album so it wasn't Bon Jovi performing. It was John and a group of other guys he threw together. The first song they performed was ''Blaze Of Glory'' from the movie Young Guns. That was another solo project of John's from a few years back. Then they did the new single from his new album, ''Midnight In Chelsea''. John is also doing a lot of acting in his spare time. The new album is called ''Destination Anywhere''.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend At Chess... The Game Continues. 6/17/97. 8:40am
Howard almost missed out on today's move. Mr. X is supposed to call in at the same time every day and make his move but Howard didn't make the deadline to talk to him today. Robin told him that he probably wasn't home but Gary gave him a call and got a hold of him. So if you're playing along at home here are today's moves:
- Howard - King's Pawn to the 5th - Move 3
- Mr. X - Knight to Queen 4 - Move 3
If you want to keep better track of all the moves I've put together a page just for the game!
Psychic Walter Mercado Comes In. 6/17/97. 9:10am
This was one of those guests that made me think..''Why is he on the show? What the hell is Howard thinking?'' It was a waste of 30 minutes if you ask me. The guy is supposedly popular among Spanish people. Howard said that they worship him for some odd reason. The guy came in and made some lame predictions and rambled on about some crap about a guy he called Sy Baba, whoever the hell that is. He predicts that Al Gore will become the next President of the United States and that John Bon Jovi will become a big star because of his acting. He also claims to be able to heal people. Howard brought in Stuttering John to see if the guy could heal John's stuttering. John played along with it and said that he could feel Walter's power flowing through him.. He was just saying that of course. This psychic is more full of crap than a constipated elephant. He thought that Howard only had 2 kids but when Howard told him that he had 3 he said that he knew that but he was given bad information but he had a feeling that there were 3. So much for psychic abilities.
Howard Goofs On Rick Dees' Web Site. 6/17/97. 9:55am
Howard spent a little while on Rick Dees' web site this morning. He noticed how ''femme'' Rick looked and how stupid the site was. He read through the 'About' section and wondered why they put some of his failures in that section. Howard also said that he may put something on the web eventually. He said that there's really nothing to look at and everything takes so damn long to download that it's not really worth it.
-- Monday June 16, 1997 --
Howard's Trip To England. 6/16/97. 6:05am
Howard talked about his 2 day trip over to England for a while this morning. He flew over on the Concord, did some movie promotion and flew back on Sunday morning. Howard was on the same flight as Laurence Fishburne both ways. Going over to England the two didn't speak but on the way back they exchanged a few words... nothing interesting though. Howard's movie is coming out at the end of this week over there.
Actress Sean Young Comes In. 6/16/97. 7:40am
Quirky Actress Sean Young came in to visit with Howard for quite a while this morning. The first thing Howard noticed was the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra. She told him that there's a good reason for that... She's pregnant. Howard met Sean over in Cannes, France when he was there promoting Private Parts recently. While the two of them were at a New Line Cinema party Sean came up to him and asked if she could touch Howard's hair. He wasn't sure who she was at first but thought she looked like Sean Young. Well, he was right. So that's how they met over there. Howard questioned Sean about a lot of the rumors that swarm around her all the time. She explained why she didn't make it into the first Batman movie in which she was supposed to star. She also explained what happened between herself and James Woods and the lawsuit that he brought against her. She had so many stories to tell that it was hard too keep up with.
Mikey The San Diego D.J. Comes In. 6/16/97. 9:25am
This is the guy that Howard talked to last week about his ''water pipe'' smoking incident on the air. Mikey was taken down to the police station and given a citation after smoking a bong, or ''water pipe'' as he likes to call it, on the air. Some people are saying that the whole thing is a publicity stunt but he says it's not. He hasn't been fired for what he did but he had to make an apology for it on the air. Howard had tape of most of this guys actions but it was pretty dull. The guy is trying to be Howard on a certain level and it just wasn't working. Some guy called Howard to say that Mikey was just a big phony. Mikey said that the guy always calls him and argues with him all the time. The two of them went at it a few times, actually it was a bunch of times that they went at it. Mikey really didn't have any good comebacks for the guy. Maybe he was nervous but he sure didn't make a good impression on me. He spoke in almost a monotone voice and kept repeating his lame comebacks to the guy on the phone. Later in the interview one of the D.J.'s who works at Howard's station came in with some great advice for Mikey. He said that he should just play music like he's supposed to do and just shut up. Great advice from Booker.
-- Friday June 13, 1997 --
Best Of Stern. 6/13/97.
I believe that Howard may be over in England promoting his movie this weekend so he wasn't in this morning. Here's some of today's Best Of:
- Howard talks to a guy about his haunted house.
- Howard plays ''Throw Mama From The Bus'' radio bit for the first time.
- News story about a kid who died in a dishwasher.
- Howard fakes his grandparents death in a car accident to get ratings in Philadelphia.
- Discussion about Beverly Hills 90210 and about Ralph.
- Goofing on Scott The Engineer's inhaler and how he's going to get cancer/Grillo's uncle with 'cancer kazoo' calls in to tell Scott not to smoke.
- Howard talks about a guy named Dick Bagg from Philadelphia.
- Woman calls in crying after California earthquake.
- Dead Dave's interview with Dr. Ruth.
-- Thursday June 12, 1997 --
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend At Chess... No Moves Today! 6/12/97. 6:15am
Those of you playing along at home can sit and watch your game pieces get dusty because Mr. X wasn't able to call in this morning for some reason. Howard did give a clue as to what his next move might be... King's Pawn to the 5th... Howard seems to think that Mr. X is trying to stretch the game out a bit by not calling in.
Robin Fills Us In On The Details Of Her Relationship With Mr. X. 6/12/97. 7:30am
Robin decided to give some of the details about her relationship with this 'new' boyfriend of hers. Well he's not as new as you might think. He and Robin have been ''friends'' for about 12 years. They agreed to just remain friends back then but something happened recently that changed that friendship into something more. Tony...I mean Mr. X decided to come onto Robin one night and after Robin turned him away a couple of times she finally caved in and the rest is history. He had candles lit and the lights were turned down while they were listening to some Jazz music. Mr. X kissed Robin on her neck and it turned out to be the right spot. It'll be interesting to see how long this relationship will last now that they're no longer just ''friends''. Let's all hope that Howard wins that damn chess game so Robin has to marry Mr. X... That'll make things even more interesting!
The Star Spangled Banner Contest. 6/12/97. 8:05am
Howard had some tickets to the Super Bowl to give away this morning. To win the tickets someone had to sing the Star Spangled Banner all the way through without messing it up. Howard sent Stuttering John out to find some contestants... at the Port Authority. That's a good place to find homeless people and others who may not be able to speak clearly. Well John found some people just like that. After a few people tried and failed to sing the song one man did it. Juan, a homeless man, sang the song and only messed up a couple of minor things. Howard decided to give him the tickets. The guy was thrilled and couldn't believe that he won. That wasn't the end of the story though. Later in the show a guy called in and offered to buy Juan's winnings for $1,800! Juan accepted the offer. It wasn't just tickets to the Super Bowl though. It was airfare and hotel to the Super Bowl out in San Diego. It's probably worth 3 times as much but the guy is homeless so what does he care. Juan said that he'd like to get a place to live with that money but Howard said he'll probably just spend it on alcohol.. He's probably right.
Fort Meyers Florida Press Conference. 6/12/97. 8:45am
I bet Howard is more sick of these press conferences than I am. Every one of them is dumber than the last. This morning there were about 5 people asking really dumb questions. The questions at this press conference were different than most but it wasn't really for the better. Some of the questions were about Howard's penis and about his hair. There were only a couple of good questions but they were still boring as hell to listen to. What a waste of show time these things are.
-- Wednesday June 11, 1997 --
Stuttering John's Nightmarish Wedding Plans. 6/11/97. 6:35am
Stuttering John is getting married in the near future and he's been having some problems with the plans. He was telling Howard about how he doesn't have a permit to have the wedding on the beach like he's supposed to but that doesn't matter because there's no beach at the house he's renting for $10,000 a month! John has been planning all of this for a very long time and now it's falling apart. He has to get a different house on the beach so that he has a beach to have the wedding on. Then the caterer has to get a permit to have the wedding. Howard pointed out that John is having this wedding out in the Hamptons on Long Island. It's a very popular spot and there's only one road in and out of the place so it's going to be a pain in the ass for all of his guests to get there.
Porno Star Brittany Andrews Comes In. 6/11/97. 7:25am
Howard recently saw a picture of this woman who looked too good to be a porno star. She looked so good that he invited her to come on the show. He didn't even have anything planned for her to do. He just wanted to see her. She came in this morning and ended up doing a reading of the Frank Gifford/Suzen Johnson transcripts with Howard. She had a very annoying laugh just like Fran Drescher. She sounded so much like her that she did a porno movie called ''The Fanny'', a take off of ''The Nanny''. Brittany read the transcripts pretty nicely. Howard kept her in the studio for quite some time. Near the end of her time on the show she volunteered to be Howard's foot stool for a while. While she was under the console near Howard's feet she ended up licking Howard's foot.
Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend At Chess... The First Moves. 6/11/97. 8:30am
As I reported yesterday, Howard and Robin's boyfriend Tony are going to play a game of Chess. If Howard wins the game Tony will marry Robin. If Tony, or Mr. X as he wants to be known, wins the game then he doesn't have to marry the queen bitch. Howard spoke to Mr. X on the phone and they each made 2 moves. Howard is playing as white and Mr. X as black. Here are the first moves:
- Howard - King's Pawn to the 4th - Move 1
- Mr. X - King's Pawn to the 3rd - Move 1
- Howard - Queen's Pawn to the 3rd - Move 2
- Mr. X - King's Knight to Bishop 3 - Move 2
So that's today's moves. Play along with your home game. From now on I believe that it's going to be 1 move per day. Stay tuned!
Marilyn Manson And Ozzy Osbourne Come In. 6/11/97. 8:40am
Ozzy Osbourne and Marilyn Manson came in to plug their upcoming 'Oz Fest' concert. Howard talked to Marilyn about some recent controversy over his band and their appearance in the 'Oz Fest'. Some religious freaks were trying to ban Manson from the concert. The ban didn't stick so Manson is back in the 'Fest. Ozzy was telling Howard that he's back on Prozac. Last time he was on the show he said that he was off all drugs but it seems that Ozzy just couldn't do without the Prozac.
The Topless Sun Bather Across The Street. 6/11/97. 10:25am
During a commercial break late in the show someone pointed out to Howard that there was a topless woman sun bathing on a building near Howard's building. Howard is on the 14th floor and the woman was on the roof of a building that was about 6 stories high. According to Howard, just about everyone at the station was standing at the window looking at the woman. Howard was so amazed that he had Robin go with him to take a look. Howard got the wireless microphone and brought Robin along with him. They starred for a few seconds and then decided to send Stuttering John over to interview her. Gary came into the studio and told Howard that the people at David Letterman's show could see her from their building also. About 10 minutes later John was ready to go to the roof. By this time the E! camera was on the woman zooming in. John made his way over to the woman with a cellular phone. When the woman saw John she put her top back on. John handed the phone over to her and Howard asked her if she knew that everyone in the area was watching her. The woman said she really didn't know but she wasn't too upset about it either. She's originally from Sweden but has been living in the city for 4 years. She left her top on after that. Howard ruined it for all of those people. What a shame...
-- Tuesday June 10, 1997 --
Robin's Marriage Proposal...Sort Of. 6/10/97. 6:55am
Howard has been offered the chance to play IBM's Deep Blue computer at a game of chess. He was seriously thinking about doing it but Robin's new boyfriend, Tony, came up with a better proposal than that. He wants to play Howard at a game of chess but if Howard wins the game Tony will marry Robin! Howard decided to take him up on the game so it should be starting tomorrow. They'll be playing like one move a day for however long it takes for someone to win. Robin didn't seem like she was too much against any of this and said that if they do get married they wouldn't live together. How weird is that? She's such a nut. If you want to follow the chess moves just check in here every day for updates.
Dave(David Rothenberg) Comes In. 6/10/97. 7:40am
This guy Dave is a kid who's father doused him with kerosene and lit him on fire at the age of 6. Dave was burned on 90 percent of his body but managed to pull through it all. He's now 20 years old and getting his testicles pierced! Dave came in just to meet Howard and hang out with him for a little bit. The first thing he did was show Howard his pierced ''sack'' as he put it. Howard noticed that Dave's private parts were in good shape. That was part of the 10 percent that didn't get burned in the fire. He legally changed his name to just plain Dave so that he wouldn't be associated with his father anymore. His father served some time in jail but is now out roaming the streets. Dave has done some acting on The Bold And The Beautiful and he's been accepted into some art school out in California. He seemed pretty happy for someone who's gone through so much crap in his life. He's even getting laid now. Women like his personality so much that he actually gets laid now. One woman called in to say that she saw his private parts recently at some party they were at. She said that she's good looking and Dave seemed to agree with her. She said she'd have sex with him when she sees him again. She has DDD-cup breasts, blonde hair and blue eyes. It's all in his personality according to the woman on the phone.
Noel Gallagher Of Oasis Comes In. 6/10/97. 8:15am
The more talented brother in Oasis came in to perform this morning. Noel Gallagher was in to plug a new album and to perform a couple of songs for Howard and the gang. Noel was pretty funny the whole time he was on and seemed to have a really good time. He performed ''Wonder Wall'' and ''Don't Look Back In Anger'' acoustically and both songs sounded really good. The guy writes the songs and plays guitar and he can sing. All his obnoxious brother does is sing and party until all hours of the night. Oasis' last album sold somewhere around 12 million albums so they must be doing something right.
-- Monday June 9, 1997 --
KC Interviews The Imus Brothers. 6/9/97. 6:55am
Last Week Stuttering John tried to ask Don Imus some questions about his new picture book but he was basically ignored by him. After that they sent out KC The intern to another book signing of Imus'. KC isn't recognizable like Stuttering John so he had a little more luck. Howard played the tape this morning. The first person KC got to interview was Don Imus' brother Fred. KC asked him a couple of questions before Fred ran off like a baby.
- Does it embarrass you that you try to make a living off your brother?
- Is it tough living in Imus' shadow?
- Are you friends with Imus' first family that he abandoned?
- Do you appreciate Don's hand outs?
When KC got close to Imus he tried to ask a couple of questions but Imus wouldn't answer any. He found out that KC was from Howard's show so he went silent.Howard also had some guy on the phone from the book store where the book signing was held. That guy said that there were about 800 people at the signing. KC Said that there couldn't have been more than 125 people there.
Farrah Fawcett Comes In. 6/9/97. 7:45am
Farrah Fawcett came in to plug her Playboy issue and a Pay-Per-View that's coming up on Wednesday night. She came in and had a good time with Howard today. She said that she's a fan of Howard's two books. They talked about her career and how she met Lee Majors(The Six Million Dollar Man) 2 weeks after going to Hollywood. Near the end of the interview Howard asked Farrah if she'd kiss him. She agreed to do it and it must have been some kiss. Robin said she saw tongue although Howard denied it. After Farrah left Howard got a chance to see the video tape of the kiss and it even surprised him.
Billy Paul Comes In To Perform ''E! And Mr. Jones'' 6/9/97. 8:50am
Singer Billy Paul came in to sing ''E! and Mr. Jones'', a take off of ''Me and Mrs. Jones'' which Billy originally sang. Last week Howard announced that Jones Cable will be taking E! off of their system in the Prince Williams and Manassas areas of Virginia and Washington D.C. He started singing to that ''Me and Mrs. Jones'' song and wanted to find out what ever happened to the guy who originally sang the song. Gary made some calls and Billy Paul was in the studio this morning. Billy wanted people to know that he's still alive and kicking and selling records in other countries like crazy.
-- Friday June 6, 1997 --
Hank The Dwarf Calls In. 6/6/97. 6:35am
Hank the drunken dwarf called in this morning for no good reason at all. He was hung over from last night and said that he'll start drinking early in the morning to prepare for the next morning. You may remember him from when he dressed up as a midget Superman about a year ago. He was pretty wasted on that show. He didn't have too much to say today.
Johnny Weismuller Jr. Calls In. 6/6/97. 7:15am
This guy is the son of the Johnny Weismuller who played Tarzan many years ago. Howard spoke to him for a little while about how his father went nuts in his old age. He used to run around the retirement home saying that he was Tarzan and doing his Tarzan yell. Johnny Junior, who's in his 50's, was also calling in to plug some Tarzan special on the American Movie Classics channel. Before he got off the phone he told Howard that he dated Mia Farrow before she dated Frank Sinatra! Mia is the daughter of the woman who played Jane in the Tarzan movies that Johnny's dad starred in. Kind of like Tarzan Jr. and Jane Jr. dating.
Motley Crue Comes In. 6/6/97. 7:45am
Rock band Motley Crue came in to plug their upcoming album ''Generation Swine'' today. Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil are back together making new songs after a bad break up a few years back. They say they've learned their lesson and now they're back to making great music. None of their gorgeous wives were with them today but they said that they'll be back in a couple of weeks to play live and they'll be with them at that time. Tommy is married to Pamela Anderson Lee and Nikki Sixx is married to another Baywatch babe, Donna D'Erico. The guys talked about why they broke up and how they ended up getting back together. The break up seemed to come because of Vince's passion for racing cars. It's all in the past now though. Howard played their first single off the album which is ''Afraid''. The song sounded pretty good. It's a totally new sound for them. The album comes out on June 24th.
San Diego DJ Arrested For Smoking Pot On Air Calls In. 6/6/97. 8:35am
Some DJ out in San Diego who's on Howard's station got arrested for smoking pot on the air. Howard talked to him about what happened today. The guy said that he was doing some bit where people smoke pot on the phone. He wasn't supposed to do the bit but he did it anyway. His program director told him not to do it but he just hung up on the guy. He had his own bong in his backpack so he lit it up and smoked it on the air. Then some woman called in and said that what he was doing was very irresponsible and that someone should call the cops on him. A little while later a cop showed up and arrested him. He told Howard that he was just doing what Howard has done in the past... blowing off management. He also wanted Howard to try and help him keep his job. That isn't the way it works though. Howard told him that it was pretty stupid to do something like that. Anyway, he probably won't be helping the guy out.
The Mike Walker Game. 6/6/97. 8:50am
Elephant Boy and a woman by the name of Croy were playing the game today. Croy was just on E! the other night. To make it simple, she's a little wacky. She may be more wacky than any other guest in Stern Show history! So anyway here are the four stories, one is fake, try to pick the fake one:
1. Michael Jackson's wife Debbie Row threatened to reveal something about him when he wouldn't return her phone calls. As soon as he heard the threat he called her.
2. James Brolin tickles Fiance Barbara Streisand's feet before sex.
3. Jerry Seinfeld bought a shirt in a store in Hollywood. He wore the shirt out of the store but the clerk forgot to take the security tag off so the alarm went off. He said that he didn't steal the shirt and he could buy the whole store if he wanted to.
4. Regis Philbin's daughter almost didn't let Director Steven Speilberg into a Saturday Night Live party because she didn't recognize him.
Elephant Boy picked story 3 as the fake, Croy picked number 1, Robin picked number 2, Howard picked number 3, Jackie picked 3 and Fred picked number 1. The actual fake story was number 2. That was that for the game. Just before Howard was ready to go to a break a phone call came in. Some guy claimed that Elephant Boy had slept with him recently! As we now know, Elephant Boy is a little Bi-Sexual and has done some gay stuff in the past. Well Elephant Boy didn't want to talk to the guy but he did admit to having sex with a guy after his last appearance. He said that he didn't do much to the other guy. The other guy did some stuff to him though. He didn't get into too much detail though. Howard eventually convinced Elephant Boy to talk to the guy on the phone. The guy on the phone described where they had their meeting but Elephant Boy denied it. He said this wasn't the guy. Then the guy said that he knew it was him because just before EB had his orgasm he yelled out ''Gary is a horse toothed jack ass''.. It was Sal the Stock Broker making a phoney phone call. That's pretty amazing how a phony call lead to Elephant Boy admitting to having gay sex. What a morning!
Press Conference For Private Parts Release In England. 6/6/97. 9:35am
Howard did a press conference with some movie reviewers over in England. They watched the movie just 2 hours before going on air with Howard. There weren't really any bad comments about Howard or the movie but by the end of the thing Howard said he was really depressed. It was a half hour of boring crap just like when people were interviewing him here in the states.
-- Thursday June 5, 1997 --
No Frank Gifford Tapes Today Either. 6/5/97. 6:15am
Don't count on hearing these tapes that The Globe was ''giving'' to Howard to play. They're so tied up in legal crap that they may never make it to air. Howard also said that the District Attorney's office probably won't be doing anything about Frank Gifford committing adultery but they may be going after The Globe for obtaining that tape illegally! This whole thing is backfiring on The Globe it seems. Even Howard's complaint against Frank Gifford is backfiring. It's one big mess now.
72 Year Old Man From England Yells At Howard. 6/5/97. 7:15am
Private Parts is being released in England in the near future so there are a lot of articles coming out about him over there. Some old coot called in from England to yell at Howard about some comments that were printed in a tabloid over there. Howard made some comments about how the United States saved England's ass in World War II. The 72 year old guy, who fought in the war, wanted to straighten Howard out. He and Howard went back and forth about the thing for 10 minutes or so. The old man was even calling Howard names but when he said a-hole it came out as ''azhull'' and made it to the air. It was pretty damn entertaining. The guy also told Howard to get a hair cut. When the guy was finally ready to hang up the phone he called Howard a dick head.
Vinnie Mazzeo's Last Appearance? 6/5/97. 8:15am
On July 22, 2009 I received an email from someone claiming to be Vinnie Mazzeo demanding that I remove all references to him from my site. I was threatened with legal action so I deleted every single reference to him so it would appear he never existed on the Stern Show. Because of that I do not have the rundown for this segment.
Jones Cable Company Dropping E! Channel! 6/5/97.
If you live in the Washington DC, Virginia area you may not be able to see Howard's show on E! anymore. Jones Cable Company is dropping E! from it's system. Howard just wanted to let people in that area know what's going on. He doesn't have a solution but you might want to try calling the company and complain until you cry.
-- Wednesday June 4, 1997 --
No Frank Gifford Tape Yet. 6/4/97. 6:15am
That's right, Howard's still not able to play the audio tape of the Frank Gifford thing. He said that The Globe wanted them to sign some 7 page legal agreement about the tape but they didn't want to. Now the lawyers are ironing out the details and there's still a chance he'll be able to play the tapes on the air. He also said that Frank Gifford's lawyers have gotten involved. Gifford is apparently threatening to sue if Howard plays the tapes. Howard said that it's kind of strange how he's not suing The Globe for making the tapes but he'd try to sue Howard just for playing them. Once again, Howard's someone's scapegoat.
More Queef Women! 6/4/97. 6:45am
A couple of 21 year old women called Howard this morning so he could hear their vaginal queefs. The girl who made the call said that she and her friend were much better at the unusual sounds than the other women who visited the studio a few weeks ago. They both demonstrated their talents over the phone. One woman was able to make a very unusual 'zipper' sound with her queefs. Howard was impressed enough to allow them to come visit him. They said that they were good looking and that they would e-mail Howard their pictures. Later in the show Howard got the pics. He said they were actually good looking. They should be coming on the show tomorrow I believe.
Stuttering John Tries To Interview Don Imus. 6/4/97. 7:25am
Howard's arch enemy Don Imus just released some lame book full of pictures that he and his brother took. He had a book signing yesterday so Howard sent Stuttering John down there to interview him. Of course Imus knew who John was so he didn't answer any of his questions. John said that there were maybe 100 people getting their books signed. Howard has thousands of fans when he signs books. Howard says that Imus just rips off his act and has been doing that since they worked together at WNBC 16 years ago. Imus claims to be number 2 in the NY ratings but it's a lie. He's actually in about 20th place according to Howard. The last time Howard read the New York ratings book Imus was number 14 in the 12 + demographic.
Marcia Clark Comes In. 6/4/97. 8:35am
Marcia Clark, OJ Simpson prosecutor, has a book out so she came in to plug it this morning. I zoned out during this whole interview because I've had enough OJ Simpson crap to last a lifetime. The most interesting part of the whole thing came after she left. Steve Grillo said that Marcia was coming on to him when he was getting her coffee. He said that she was calling him sweet and saying that she'd take him home with her if she could. Howard told Grillo that he must be a good looking guy. Steve thinks that he could be a 10 if he had all of his hair.
Howard Interviewed By Al Bromley. 6/4/97. 9:25am
Howard gave an exclusive interview to a guy from the Dallas Morning News. The interview was about Howard not being on down in Dallas come August. Howard is number one down there but it looks like the company that bought KEGL won't be renewing Howard's contract. Anyway, Howard didn't reveal much of anything that he hasn't already talked about concerning Dallas. There's just no other stations down there that would pick Howard up. Howard is really upset that he won't be on down there anymore. The people of Dallas have treated him very nicely. If anything else comes up I'll make sure I post it here.
-- Tuesday June 3, 1997 --
Howard And Robin Reenact Frank Gifford Transcript. 6/3/97. 7:45am
Howard still wasn't able to play the audio of the Frank Gifford incident this morning. Howard and Robin did just what the actors did yesterday. They reenacted the Frank Gifford/Suzen Johnson love making tape. They used the same parts of the transcript that the actors used yesterday so it wasn't anything new. Howard is hoping to be able to play the tape tomorrow.
Scott DePace Fails Driving Test! 6/3/97. 8:05am
The director of Howard's E! show, Scott DePace, recently failed his written drivers test. Howard found out about it this morning so he goofed on him for a little while. Scott said that he was getting a New Jersey license to replace his Delaware drivers license. All he had to do was pass a written test with about 20 questions on it. He failed. Stuttering John came in at one point and said that he aced the test and there were 16 year olds passing the test when he was there. Scott said that he didn't read over the book that has all the answers in it. He was telling Howard some of the questions that he remembered failing. Here are some of those as Scott remembers them:
- When driving in the city should you:
  - Be cautious with your hand on the horn
  - Use the '2 second' rule
  - Look 12 seconds ahead
Scott answered 'Be cautious with your hand on the horn'. The correct answer is 'Look 12 seconds ahead' or something like that.
- You're driving past a school bus that is stopped, how fast should you drive by it?
  - 5 MPH
  - 10 MPH
  - 15 MPH
  - 20 MPH
The correct answer was 10 MPH. Scott got it wrong but didn't say how he answered.
- If 4 people come to a 4 way intersection at the same time who has the right of way?
The person on the right always has the right of way. Scott wasn't aware of that.
- When using hand signals and the hand is pointed down, what does that mean?
It means the person is stopping, once again, Scott did not know the answer.
- What is the number one reason people get stopped for drunk driving?
  - Beer
  - Mixed Drinks
  - Wine
  - Soda
The correct answer is beer but Scott answered Mixed Drinks. So if you see Scott on the road just make sure you stay away from him.
Porno For Pyros Perform A Couple Of Songs. 6/3/97. 8:15am
The band Porno For Pyros came in to hang out with Howard and to perform a couple of song for him. Lead singer Perry Farrell was telling Howard about his experiences with aliens. He says that he's met a bunch of them and he sees them very often, usually while swimming. Sounds like he leads a very interesting life! So anyway the band performed their song ''Pets''. Howard also got them to perform another song that he loves called ''Meija''.
Jan Michael Vincent Comes In. 6/3/97. 8:45am
The last time Jan Michael Vincent came in he had just been in an automobile accident. His jaw was wired shut and his eyes were all swollen shut. He was a big mess at the time but he was a great guest. This morning he was sober and his jaw wasn't wired shut. When he spoke you could barely hear a word. It turns out that he was involved in another accident after his last appearance on the Stern show where he broke his neck. They had to put a tube down his throat to keep him breathing and they screwed up his voice. What a mess this poor guy is. Oh, and he can only see out of one eye but the doctors are going to try and fix the other one. Jan whispered his horror stories to Howard about how he messed himself up so much. After his last accident he went into rehab to stop his drinking problem. Halfway through the interview Howard said that Jan was hanging out with an actor by the name of William Katt. You might remember him from a 1980's tv show called The Greatest American Hero. He played the lead role in that show. Howard had William come into the studio also. It turns out that Katt's mother is Della Street from the Perry Mason show. She sent an autographed picture to Robin along with William. Howard talked to William about Raymond Burr being gay and stuff like that. Howard also said that William was the first guy to feel up Susan Dey on screen. Quite an accomplishment huh? William said that Susan Dey and he were supposed to do a love scene together and she offered to actually have sex to get into the part! He turned that opportunity down though.
-- Monday June 2, 1997 --
Frank Gifford Tapes Put On Hold! 6/2/97. 6:15am
Today was supposed to be the day that Howard played the audio tape of the Frank Gifford tape where he cheats on Kathie Lee with Suzen Johnson. Well there are now lawyers trying to figure out whether or not Howard can play them on the air. Howard has the tapes because the woman from The Globe came in this morning. Howard said that he may be able to play them tomorrow or Wednesday. Of course some people now think that he's lying about the whole thing but he said he's not. A couple of women called in during the show to tell Howard that he shouldn't play them at all. They think it'll hurt Kathie Lee if she hears them. Don't worry, Howard won't cave in to their complaining.
Reenacting The Frank Gifford Transcripts. 6/2/97. 7:35am
Since Howard couldn't play the audio this morning he had a couple of actors come in to reenact the transcripts that The Globe printed in their newspaper. The actors, Dick Heymeier and Carolyn Cole, read their respective parts for Howard and had some fun with it. Howard helped out by reading the parts of the transcript where there were descriptions of what was happening.
British Broadcaster Tapes Howard. 6/2/97. 9:45am
Howard is going to be heading over to England in the near future to promote Private Parts the movie. Today some British dude came in to get some video tape of Howard before he goes over there. It wasn't explained exactly why the guy was doing this though. They had Howard reading some lame script that didn't sound a bit like him so he just made up a bunch of crap for them. The first time he went too long so he had to cut it down to 30 seconds and do it again. It was one big waste of time. The guy was from some show called ''TFI Fridays'' or something like that. The way he described his show it sounded a bit like a Tonight Show or Late Show with David Letterman.

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