MarksFriggin.com - Dec 97 Archive

Howard Stern Show News Archives. December 1997

-- Wednesday December 31, 1997 --

The Best Of Stern. 12/31/97.
Here are today's featured bits:
- Steve Grillo's homosexual experience
- ''Scream 3'' movie commercial parody
- America performs ''Boy With Horse Teeth''
- ''Scotty Says'' song parody
- ''When Scott Does 17'' song parody
- Howard reads some hate mail
- Howard talks about his wife ignoring him
- ''Scott's A Loser'' song parody
- Howard talks to his wife about how he does his show
- Garry Shandling calls in
- Howard talks to his childhood bully, Johnny Mendolla
- Woman who asked Jerry Seinfeld about Howard calls in
-- Tuesday December 30, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/30/97.
Here are today's featured bits:
- Return To Mayberry
- David Hasslehoff and his wife come in
- Match Game 1986
- ''When Scott Does 17'' song parody
- Howard replays old tapes ''Godzilla Goes To Harlem'' and ''Das Love Boot''
- Howard meets Paula Ciccone
- Mr. T calls in
- Howard talks about his in-laws and his basement bunker
- Howard talks to his Mother on the phone
- Howard talks to a guy who jogged with President Clinton
-- Monday December 29, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/29/97.
Here are today's featured bits:
- The Ben Stern Day Care Center commercial
- 22 year old heroine addict calls Howard for help
- ''Scream 3'' Scott The Engineer movie commercial parody
- ''When Scott Does 17'' song parody
- Howard and Gilbert Gottfried goof on a female caller
- ''Scotty Says'' song parody
- Sternac
- ''Scott's A Loser'' song parody
- Stuttering John interviews Gennifer Flowers for the second time
- Orlando Florida press conference
- Miss Howard Stern 1994, Elaine Marks, complains about not flying to Cleveland with Howard
- Howard replays Elephant Boy's speech from the Cleveland victory party
-- Friday December 26, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/26/97.
Here are today's featured bits:
- Gilligan's Island parody
- Black woman on phone wants to suck Howard's fingers
- ''Radio Fan'' and Mr. Bill Stern Show trivia
- Alec Baldwin comes in
- Howard reads an article where Kathy Lee Gifford bad mouths him
- Howard talks to Gay Rich the Intern
-- Thursday December 25, 1997 --
No Show Today, Christmas Day. 12/25/97.

-- Wednesday December 24, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/24/97.
Here are today's featured Best Of bits:
- Crackhead Bob as new lead singer of Van Halen
- New market introductions of cast members Stuttering John, Mike Gange and Steve Grillo
- ''Scott's A Loser'' song parody
- ''Scream 3'' movie commercial parody
- Howard brings back Mama Lookaboobooday after a long absence
- Goofing on George Thoroughgood songs
- Drunk woman on phone complaining about police taking her kid away
- Jerry Seinfeld hangs out during the news (1989)
-- Tuesday December 23, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/23/97.
Here are today's featured Best Of bits:
- Frank Sinatra album parody ''I Remember What's Her Name''
- Fartman calls the Iranian Embassy after the U.S. Shoots down an Iranian airliner
- The Cleveland Victory tour where a competing station takes over the satellite feed and also cuts the wire to the satellite truck
- ''When Scott Does 17'' song parody
- ''Scream 3'' movie commercial parody
- ''Scott's A Loser'' song parody
-- Monday December 22, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern. 12/22/97.
Today starts a long 2 ½ week vacation for everyone on the show so during that time we'll be hearing The Best Of Stern. Here are today's featured bits:
- Lost In Space 1990
- Gange's demo tape
- Drew Scott's song about a drunk driving victim
- Phony phone calls by Ponce De La Phone and King Of Cable
- Gary's story about being kicked out of a Hanna Barberra signing
- Stuttering John with Jay Leno
- ''When Scott Does 17'' song parody
- Jay Leno calls Howard / Billy West plays ''Evil Jay''
- Melrose Larry Green visits the show
- Stuttering John with Tom Landry
- Woman complains about Howard's discussion about Jackie Onasis death
- ''Scott's A Loser'' song parody
- Jackie's resignation letter read by Howard (from a few years ago)
- ''Scream 3'' goof on Scott The Engineer
- Howard tries to call Jackie about his resignation letter but gets a hold of Nancy instead. The gang says goodbye to Jackie. (This was one of Jackie's previous resignations. He returned to the show shortly after.)
-- Saturday December 20, 1997 --
Uh Oh, We've Lost Another Station. 12/20/97
From what I've been told WCLB in West Palm Beach Florida has dropped the show. They were running some kind of phone poll asking people whether or not to keep the show and I guess it was decided to an all Country format instead of keeping Howard and switching to an all rock format. A fan down there informs me that people in Palm Beach County can possibly pick up the show on WBGG 105.9 (aka Big 106) out of Ft. Lauderdale. Either that or try 104.1 WTKS from Orlando.
-- Friday December 19, 1997 --
Howard's Pick For ''Song Of The Year''. 12/19/97. 6:55am
A listener called in and asked Howard what his pick for song of the year would be this year. Howard chose Prodigy's ''Firestarter'' as his favorite. Howard sometimes makes a big deal out of his song of the year pick. This year it was real simple and quick.
Howard's Tribute To Chris Farley. 12/19/97. 7:00am
Actor Chris Farley who starred in ''Black Sheep'', ''Tommy Boy'' and ''Beverly Hills Ninja'', died yesterday in Chicago. This morning Howard was saddened by his death. He said that he thought Chris was a really funny guy. He enjoyed Chris while he was on Saturday Night Live and liked ''Beverly Hills Ninja''. Howard also sang a tribute song called ''Goodbye Enormous Guy'' to the tune of Elton John's ''Goodbye Englands Rose''. It was funny yet touching. Goodbye chubby man, you'll be missed.
Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 12/19/97. 7:20am
KKK guy Daniel Carver called in with his latest movie reviews. He rates them on a scale of 1 to 5 burning crosses with 5 being the best. This week's movies included ''The Preacher's Wife'', ''Metro'' and ''The Nutty Professor''. ''The Preacher's Wife'' received a 2 burning crosses rating. According to Daniel it was a ridiculous concept. ''Metro'' received a 1 burning cross because it was another ridiculous movie. ''The Nutty Professor'' on the other hand was funny enough to get a 3 burning crosses rating because it was pretty funny. In case you were wondering, Daniel will be spending the holidays at home in Georgia with his family.
Director Quentin Tarantino Comes In. 12/19/97. 7:45am
Quentin Tarantino came in to promote his latest movie ''Jackie Brown'' which opens on Christmas day. Quentin is a fan of Howard's so it's not such a surprise that he came in. He and Howard spent quite a bit of time together talking about everything from how Quentin dropped out of school at 16 to how he got his current girlfriend Mira Sorvino. Howard also read that Quentin has an IQ of 160 so he gave him a quick quiz. Quentin didn't have the answers for the questions but that doesn't make him stupid. Anyway, he had a bunch of stories to tell about growing up. He dropped out of school at 16 and just hung out. Then he worked at a video store and eventually wrote and directed ''Reservoir Dogs'' which made about $22 Million. A couple years later he directed ''Pulp Fiction''. Now, a few years later, his third movie ''Jackie Brown'' is coming out and he's dating actress Mira Sorvino. What a life.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Max Cassella. 12/19/97. 8:50am
You might remember Max Cassella as ''Vinnie Dellpino'' on the ''Doogie Howser'' TV show. He was Doogie's best friend on the show. At the time he was a 22 year old playing a 16 year old. He looked very young for his age. Well, now he's starring in the broadway play ''The Lion King''. Howard said he does a great job in it. Howard saw the play a few weeks ago and said it was great. Max and his girlfriend came in to play the Mike Walker game. Mike Walker had a little trouble with the game today. He read off his 4 stories and then realized that he hadn't given a false story. All 4 were right out of The National Enquirer. He then had to read 4 more stories with the one false one included. Here are those stories:
1. Demi Moore dislocated her finger while teaching her daughter how to toss a baton.
2. Jim Belushi stormed out of a restaurant after Paul Sorvino lectured him on not dying young like his brother did.
3. David Hasslehoff bought a helicopter to commute to work just like Geraldo does.
4. Dennis Franz recently popped a button off his tuxedo jacket. When he bent down to pick it up he split his pants open.
Max chose number 4 as the false story. His girlfriend, Christina, chose number 4 also. Robin and Howard both chose number 2 as the false story. The actual fake one was number 3. No one got it correct this week. The game had taken so long that Howard had to take a commercial break before continuing with Max. When they did continue Howard asked Max about his Doogie Howser years. Max said that he's basically set for life from the show because he doesn't live extravagantly. He has a nice apartment in the city and now works with ''The Lion King''. He was complaining that his heavy costume in the play is wreaking havoc on his joints though. His contract lasts until next November so he may be crippled by then. Max's girlfriend is a big fan of Howard's. She said that since she listens to the show she knows not to get married. She also said that she never even saw the ''Doogie Howser'' show when it was on. Howard said ''Yeah, that's what Yoko Ono said to John Lennon''.
-- Thursday December 18, 1997 --
More On Jackie. 12/18/97.
There was an article in today's New York Post about Jackie's departure. It's doesn't have any more details than we already know but you might want to check it out anyway. Click Here.
Actress Michelle Yeoh Comes In. 12/18/97. 7:40am
Michelle Yeoh co-stars in the new James Bond movie ''Tomorrow Never Dies''. She came in to promote the movie today. Howard interviewed her a bit about the movie and her career. She was Miss Malaysia in 1983 and she worked with Jackie Chan in one of his movies. The funniest part of the whole interview was the fact that Howard brought in ''Wood Yi'' to ask Michelle some questions. He was asking some very interesting questions like ''If I unzip my pants will you pull me around like a rickshaw?'' After Wood Yi asked her a bunch of questions like that she yanked his script right out of his hands so he couldn't ask anymore. They may have gotten a little too nasty for her. She probably didn't know what she was in for when she showed up this morning. If it wasn't for Wood Yi though, she would have been a big bore.
Bryan Adams Comes In. 12/18/97. 8:20am
Bryan Adams came in to promote his new Unplugged CD. Howard had some Scores girls come down to dance while Bryan played some of his hit songs. Earlier in the week Howard had played a mystery record of a disco song that was released back in 1978. That record turned out to be Bryan's. When it was released his voice was sped up almost like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Today Bryan said that it was the first song released with his voice on it. There was all kinds of stuff going on during Bryan's segment. There was a woman from Philadelphia who claimed that she gave Bryan oral sex back in August. Bryan didn't really deny it and seemed to be playing along with her story so it was hard to tell if it actually happened. He has a girlfriend now so maybe he didn't want to admit to it or something. He played some bits and pieces of some of his greatest hits like ''Summer Of '69'' (Howard's favorite), ''It's Only Love'', ''Straight From The Heart'', ''Cuts Like A Knife'', ''Run To You'' and ''Somebody''. The two Scores dancers, Ivy and Amanda, were dancing during some of the songs. They gave Howard something called a ''4-Pack'' during ''Run To You''. It sounded like they both put their breasts on Howard while they were dancing. Bryan also got a 4-pack after he requested it. Bryan also performed his new single ''Back To You''. By then the Scores dancers were topless. Check out his new Unplugged album, it's pretty good.
Scott The Engineer Freaks Out. 12/18/97. 9:25am
Scott The Engineer was in the studio delivering a new Christmas song which includes samples of women queefing. He and Howard were talking about his upcoming push-up event where he says he'll be able to do 17 push-ups. Well at one point someone brought in a video tape of Scott doing his workout with his trainer. He immediately started to go mental. He started yelling about how he didn't want them to watch the tape. Then he storms out of the studio. In the mean time Howard said he was going to watch it anyway because there's no reason not to. Then in the background you can hear Scott yelling at the top of his lungs out in the hallway. Mike Gange has the E! hand held camera on Scott. Scott is yelling at Gange because they told him that they wouldn't show any tape of him doing his push-ups to Howard. Well, they weren't showing him doing push-ups, they were showing him doing the rest of his workout. Then Scott heads to his studio and locks himself in. At one point Tom Chiusano had to break Scott and Gange up because it looked like they were going to get in a major fight. What all of that was happening Howard was watching the video tape of Scott's workout. All of this should show up on E! in the near future. It'll probably run when everyone is back from vacation on January 7th. So after all of that Howard had someone get the video tape ready to watch. He took a break and when he came back they had the tape. By then, Al Rosenberg had shown up to hang out during the news. They all watched the video tape in amazement. They couldn't believe that Scott had gone off like he did. Howard must have watched the tape about 10 to 15 times during the rest of the show. I'm sure he'll be playing that quite a bit. Fred was doing his impression of the tape within a short period of time. Some listeners were calling in and saying that perhaps Scott was taking steroids and this was causing his outbursts. It didn't take long for Scott to calm down and come back in the studio. He claimed that he was already pissed off because he hasn't had phone service at his house for a couple of days. Howard thinks that this stuff will make the highest rated E! show ever. Check the E! show schedule often to see when it'll air. It's a must see.
-- Wednesday December 17, 1997 --
Jackie Update: Howard Speaks. 12/17/97. 6:20am
Howard finally broke his silence about the Jokeman's departure. According to Howard, Jackie's demand for more money didn't work and contract negotiations broke down. Jackie didn't even tell anyone he was leaving. Howard said that the negotiations are off for now so Jackie may not return. Howard said that he's disappointed in both Jackie and Tom for the failed negotiations. He also said that he hopes things will work out but if they don't he'll have to hire someone else. The show must go on.
The Singing Psychic Calls In. 12/17/97. 7:25am
Fran Baskerville, the Singing Psychic, called in to answer some questions Howard had for her. She's called in a couple of other times in the past. No one really followed up on her predictions but I'd bet that none of them came true. Anyway, Fran sings her answers so if Howard asks a question she'll sing ''Oh yeah, oh yeah.. I believe so'' or something like that. Well most of her predictions were ''Oh yeah, oh yeah.. I believe so''. Here are a few of the questions Howard asked:
- Will Roman Polansky come back to the United States?
- Will Fred ever get oral sex from his wife?
- What is Steve Grillo's future as a movie star, will he get parts?
- Will Kathy Lee Gifford get a divorce?
- Will Robin ever have anal sex again?
- Will ''Private Parts'' get any Academy Award nominations?
- Will Robin get a new boyfriend?
The answers to those questions were ''Oh yeah'' but there was one that got a negative answer:
- Will Scott The Engineer be able to do 17 push-ups on January 7th?
She said that he'd be able to do 10 but just barely. Hey, maybe she is psychic! We'll have to wait and see.
Intern Beauty Pageant 3. 12/17/97. 8:05am
Today was the third Howard Stern Intern Beauty Pageant. They're not really yearly so I can't call it the third annual.. Today's judges were 3 big losers. The first judge was Big Black (www.bigblack.com), the second judge was Slow Adam, he was in one other time to have a Scores girl stand nude in front of him. The third judge was High Pitch Eric. He's also been on the show because of his horrible voice. He can't get laid either. The three interns this year were Marla, Marti and Denise. There were three categories: Sexy Outfit, Talent and Personality. Below you can see how each judge scored each intern. Each intern was dressed pretty sexy according to Howard. Big Black was the angriest of the three judges. He didn't score very high for many of the categories. The first intern, Marla was wearing a very short shirt and a mini skirt, she sang a song parody to the tune of ''Tortured Man''. She's a lesbian so the name of the song was ''Lesbian Chick''. Howard asked a bunch of questions for the personality segment. The second intern was Marti. She wore hot pants, a bra and a see through jacket. She sang a parody to the tune of Tracy Chapman's ''Fast Car'' and it was about wining the contest. The third intern, and winner, Denise was wearing a belly chain, bra and vinyl pants. Her song was a parody of Madonna's ''Material Girl'' called ''Iranian Girl''. Denise changed her name from Iran to Denise a couple of years ago. After Denise was done Howard said that Marla was supposed to take off her top and show her breasts. She did it after the scoring so it didn't change her score. She wanted to show everyone her nipple piercings. What she didn't know was that her father was on the phone. He was very surprised. It was Earth shattering news to him. The scoring was as follows:

Marla Big Black Slow Adam High Pitch Eric Total

Sexy Outfit 6 9 10 25

Talent 8 10 7 25

Personality 7 10 8 25

Total Score: 75

Marti Big Black Slow Adam High Pitch Eric Total

Sexy Outfit 8 10 10 28

Talent 6 10 10 26

Personality 5 7 10 22

Total Score: 76

Denise Big Black Slow Adam High Pitch Eric Total

Sexy Outfit 9 10 10 29

Talent 8 10 8 26

Personality 8 10 10 28

Total Score: 83
Director James Cameron Comes In. 12/17/97. 8:50am
James Cameron who has directed such hit movies as ''Terminator'', ''Terminator 2'', ''True Lies'' and ''The Abyss'' came in to promote his latest movie ''Titanic''. ''Titanic'' opens on Friday. Robin has seen the movie and said it was great. We have to remember that Robin also said that ''The Last Action Hero'' was great also so maybe we should wait until someone more credible sees the movie. Mr. Cameron talked about how he got into the movie business after being a truck driver. He also said that he won't be making any money off of ''Titanic'' because he gave up the rights to it. He said he went a bit over his $120 Million budget so he gave up his part of the deal. The movie ended up being $200 Million to produce. He said that he enjoyed ''Private Parts''. He also said that he may be directing a ''Spiderman'' movie sometime in the future. This interested Howard because he said he'd like to see a good ''Spiderman'' movie since most comic book movies are pretty bad. James said that the rights to the Spiderman character are kind of screwed up right now so he's not sure if it'll work out. He also wrote the script for it. James is married to Linda Hamilton who you may remember from the ''Terminator'' movies. One of his wives left him because he wanted to go and make movies. She's probably kicking herself now. Mr. Cameron had to leave shortly after coming in because he had to catch a plane to Mexico to meet with the President.
-- Tuesday December 16, 1997 --
Jackie Update. 12/16/97. 7:45am
The following is from an unnamed source:
''It's a long story.....that I don't want to get into right now, but I did speak directly with Nancy (Jackie's Wife) today about Jackie and the show... She told me that Jackie asked for a raise, and that she would like that word to be passed around to his fans. We had a nice chat and I can't get into details now, but she would like that word to be passed around that Jackie asked for a raise and things will hopefully be worked out soon. I know this is not a surprise but at least it is confirmation from someone close at hand to the situation. She even got the OK from Jack to put this information out to the fans etc. So basically it comes from Jackie through Nancy he was standing nearby as I was speaking with her.''
I don't know the validity of this guy's statement but it's all we have to go on right now. When more information becomes available I'll post it here.
Gary Garver Interviews Joe Frasier. 12/16/97. 6:50am
This guy Gary out at KLSX in California has been getting all kinds of celebrity interviews lately. He recently talked to boxer ''Smokin'' Joe Frasier who's been on Howard's show a few times. Joe played along with all of the questions for a full 3 ½ minutes. Howard played the tape and here are some of the questions:
- You in your prime vs Mike Tyson, who would win?
- Do you agree with the O.J. verdict?
- Do you find anything sexy about Oprah Winfrey?
- Is Don King a dangerous man?
- Does it bother you that Don King murdered a man?
- Why can't white men fight?
- Do you have a get well message for Frank Sinatra?
- Can you believe that Marv Albert is such a pervert?
Since Joe has taken so many punches he was a little hard to understand with some of his answers. He does think that he could beat Mike Tyson if he was in his prime. He mumbled some stuff about how Tyson fights and how he could beat him. I'd like to give all of his answers but since a lot of them were unintelligible I couldn't begin to do so.
Bill Kinison Calls In. 12/16/97. 7:15am
Sam Kinison's brother Bill called in to plug his new restaurant Kinison's Eatery and Spirits in Upland California. The grand opening is this Friday. The place is kind of like a Planet Hollywood type place. They have some of Sam's coats hanging on the wall and they play his video tapes while you eat. They also have pictures of Howard and Robin hanging on the wall. Bill described the food as being ''Southern'' style. They have stuff like pot roast and chicken fried steak, stuff like that. Bill also said that they have other entertainment going on at times. I guess comedians play there sometimes. If you get out there let me know how it is.
Diane Benson, Author Of ''The Mile High Club'', Calls In. 12/16/97. 7:35am
This woman used to be a Flight Attendant on the now dead MGM Grand airline service. The airline ran from 1987 to 1995 and went from New York to Los Angeles. The airline was very luxurious and tons of celebrities flew on it. Diane compiled a bunch of stories that she heard or maybe even saw happen on the airline. Howard read a bunch of quick excerpts from the book, here are just a few examples:
- Lauren Bacall used to keep asking the Flight Attendants if they knew who she was.
- Billy Baldwin was known as ''Big'' Billy because of his penis size.
- Cher was called ''Miss Bitch''
- Flight Attendants once spit in Farrah Fawcett's drink because she was being such a bitch.
- Glenn Close threw a tantrum one time.
- Kelsey Grammar once threw up and then tried to french kiss one of the attendants.
- Julia Roberts and Jason Patrick once spent an extended period of time in a bathroom together, when they came out they got a round of applause.
There were a bunch of other stories like that. They all sounded pretty interesting. If you'd like to order the book you can check out her web site at www.mgmstew.com or order through this phone number: 1-800-368-3007.
-- Monday December 15, 1997 --
Still No Jokeman! 12/15/97.
Jackie was absent from the show once again today. Last week he was missing for a couple of days. Even his plugs have been missing from the show so there must be something big going on. One e-mail I received from a listener told me that he got a ''No comment'' from someone at the show when he called. It seems that no one knows, or will admit to, what's going on with him. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.
G. Gordon Liddy Calls In. 12/15/97. 7:25am
G. Gordon Liddy, who got his radio start because of his appearances on the Stern show, called in this morning. He was promoting a calendar that he's putting out. It's called the ''Stack and Pack'' calendar. It has pictures of his female listeners half dressed and holding weapons. Howard was pretty impressed with how good looking some of the women were. There were a couple of women who were model quality according to Howard. Liddy said that he'll probably get more sales by plugging it on the Stern show than he would get from his own show...duh. Liddy and Howard talked guns for a little bit. Howard even called Liddy back after getting off the phone so he could find out what it's like to kill a man. Liddy used to work for the FBI and had to kill some people so Howard wondered what it was like. He wanted to know if you get bloody when you shoot a man in the head. Liddy said that the blood comes out the other side so you don't get bloody. He said that he'd rather shoot a man at close range rather than sniper range. Howard asked him how many guns he owned. Liddy said that since he's a criminal he's not allowed to own a gun but his wife of 20 years owns 47 guns. So anyway, if you'd like this calendar you can order it through the following phone number: 1-800-737-1808
Howard's Trip To Los Angeles. 12/15/97. 8:15am
Howard spent most of the morning talking about his trip out to Los Angeles this past weekend. He went out there to film a new opening for the E! show which sounds like it's going to be really cool. He got a director who directed a really cool video he saw. While he was out there he went to a party being thrown by director Lyndel Hobbs. At the party Howard saw Rod Stewart and his wife Rachael Hunter. He got to hang out with Angelica Houston, Ellen Barkin, Oliver Stone and Ed Begeley Jr. Howard seemed amazed that those people even talked to him at the party. He said that he actually enjoyed the party which is unusual for him. He usually doesn't like going out to things like that. Howard also talked a bit about the new opening and how it was shot. There were 40 cameras shooting this thing. Somehow Melrose Larry Green made it into the shoot. Howard invited him to be part of it for some reason. Surprisingly, Melrose was on his best behavior at the shoot. Before the shoot Scott Einziger told Larry that he had to act a little more sedate. He did that and it sounds like things worked out pretty well. Howard doesn't really know when the new opening will be shown on E! but as soon as I know I'll post it here.
-- Friday December 12, 1997 --
Where's The Jokeman? 12/12/97.
A few people have mentioned that Jackie hasn't been on the show for the past couple of days. To be honest I didn't notice it until someone pointed it out to me. I don't believe that Howard has mentioned anything about it. He may just be taking a couple of vacation days or something. I don't think he's left the show but you never know.
Gary Garver Interviews Jimmy Carter. 12/12/97. 6:55am
Gary, who's from KLSX in California, got the chance to interview former President Jimmy Carter. He asked 2 questions. One of them was ''If you had the chance to do it all over again would you bomb the hell out of the Ayatollah?''. Mr. Carter had an answer saying that if he'd bombed Theeran it would have taken out all of the oil wells also. The second was something about being on an island and having the choice between Pamela Lee and someone else who would he sleep with. Mr. Carter said that he couldn't answer that one because his wife might be listening to the show. That was all he got out of him.
Lawyer Derrick Newman Explains The Pamela Lee Video Case. 12/12/97. 8:00am
This Derrick guy said that he was the lawyer for Internet Entertainment Group in the recent case where Tommy Lee and Pamela lee sued over their home video being sold over the web. He was plugging the hell out of the web site for the video, www.clublove.com. Somehow someone stole this home video of Pam and Tommy from their home. It then showed up on the web being sold. Pam and Tommy went after the company who was selling the tape but a Judge ruled in favor of the company. Howard has been wondering how something like this can happen. Derrick tried to explain how this ruling came about but it didn't make much sense to Howard. Apparently tapes like this can be thought of as newsworthy so they can be given to the public without a problem. Derrick did say that Pam and Tommy can later sue for damages though. It really is confusing and Derrick didn't really straighten out any of the mess but he did make it clear that the justice system in this country is a little backwards.
The Mike Walker Game With Boxer Shannon Briggs. 12/12/97. 9:00am
Shannon Briggs was the special guest playing the Mike Walker game today. Howard interviewed the boxer for a few minutes before moving on to the game. He really didn't have anything to plug today but said he may be fighting in April or May of 1998. He was on the show one other time but I'm not sure when that was. He brought 2 strippers with him that time. So anyway, here's this week's Mike Walker game. 4 stories, one is false, try to pick it:
1. Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson are going to work on a sitcom together playing a divorced couple.
2. Barbara Streisand has hired a clothing coordinator so she and her husband James Brolin will be dressed appropriately.
3. Billy Crystal fell over after a woman sprayed some perfume on him at a department store because he's hyper-sensitive to scents.
4. Ellen Degeneres is so upset with the way her tv show is being treated that she's now in secret negotiations to do a late night talk show next fall.
Shannon chose number 3 as the false story. Gary, playing for the first time, chose number 3 as the false, Robin chose number 2 and Howard chose number 4. The actual false story is number 1, the story about Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson. No one got it right this week. Shannon stuck around for a few minutes after the game. He told Howard that he thinks he can beat Evander Holyfield in a fight. He may not get that chance since he's not managed by Don King.
-- Thursday December 11, 1997 --

The Homeless Game. 12/11/97. 7:20am
Today's grand prize for the game was a trip to New York with a day out on the town with a staff member from the Stern show as an escort. Howard said he thinks the escort will be Gary. The guy playing the game is from Florida. Here are the warm up questions asked of a homeless woman:

Question Answer Correct?

Spell ''Truth''. Ruth/truth/trutch Close

What fruit fell on Newton's head? Apples Correct

Who is the current Mayor of New York City? Judy Bouliani Incorrect

After the warm up it was time for the real part of the game. The player has to get 5 out of 7 questions correct to win the trip to New York. After the 7 questions were asked Howard and the gang were betting on the rest of them. For those of you who don't know, the object of the game is for the player to guess whether or not the homeless person will be able to answer the question correctly. Here are the results:

Question Caller Says Homeless Answer Correct Answer?

How many strings are on a guitar? N 16 or 32, depends on the volume Incorrect

Name one chess piece. Y Bishop and knight Correct

What is Brunch? Y between lunch and breakfast Correct

What country is north of America? Y Alaska Incorrect

What does I.R.S. Stand for? Y International Revenue Service Incorrect but close enough

How many years is one Presidential term? N Four Correct

What is Superman's secret identity? Y Clarky Kenty Close enough

What are the President and First Ladies names? NA Elizabeth and Washington Incorrect

How many letters are in the alphabet? NA 26 Correct

What does E.R. Stand for? NA Emergency Room Correct

Finish this famous movie title ''Gone with the...'' NA Wind Correct

What shape is the Pentagon? NA Octagon Incorrect

What band was Ringo in? NA Beatles Correct

What state is Las Vegas in? NA Nevada Correct

When is Halloween? NA 31-Oct Correct

The homeless woman's voice was so deep that Howard didn't realize that it was a woman for about a third of the game. I think it was a surprise for just about everyone. The winner also gets to sit in on the show as part of the prize.

Porno Star Taylor Hayes Comes In To Give Nude Massage. 12/11/97. 7:55am
Taylor Hayes came in to give one lucky listener a nude massage. Howard interviewed her before they did the massage thing. She just got breast implants a month ago, boosting her cup size to a D-cup. She only weighs 106 pounds. She started her porn career when she was 19, she's now 22. She was molested by a family member when she was a 12. Those are just some of the things we found out during her interview. She's gorgeous by the way. Her biggest selling movie so far has been ''Pool Party At Seymore Butts Part 2''. She's into the anal sex stuff in her movies. Her latest movie, ''The Masseuse Part 3'' is coming out sometime in the near future. After the interview Howard took a break. After the commercials they brought in Gail the contest winner and Robert, the runner-up. Gail is the one who's husband vacuumed off his pecker with a vacuum cleaner. Robert is the guy who hasn't had sex in over a year and a half. He just got to watch all of the happenings. Gail's boyfriend was also there to watch everything. Taylor stripped right down to nothing and was ready to give the massage no questions asked. Gail was a little reluctant but quickly stripped down. Taylor oiled up Gail's back and proceeded to give her the massage. Gail and Taylor were both enjoying the massage immensely. Actually, Taylor sounded more into it than Gail. She was moaning and making all kinds of noise. She was also spanking Gail. Gail said that she was sexually excited within seconds of first contact. The delay was hit a couple of times during the interview so I'm sure something good was missed. If you'd like to join Taylor's fan club you can call 1-888-SHANE-000. If you'd like to see what she looks like check out this web site: http://204.177.57.32/ces/thayes.htm
Tina Louise Comes In. 12/11/97. 8:50am
Tina Louise is probably best known for her role as Ginger on ''Gilligan's Island''. She came in today to plug her book ''Sunday, A Memoir''. It's not a big book and Howard said that you can read it in about 20 minutes or so. It's written from a child's point of view so even idiots can understand it. Surprisingly, Tina is into Howard. She said that she thinks they're ''kindred spirits''. She saw ''Private Parts'' and could relate to the way Howard was treated by his father. Her childhood sucked and that's basically what her book is about. She and Howard talked about her strange life and about ''Gilligan's Island''. She said that the stories written by Bob Denver (Gilligan) about hearing her having sex with co-star Russell Johnson in her dressing room were false. She said that Bob must have a very vivid imagination. Howard told Tina that she was the first woman he ever ''pleasured himself'' to. She wasn't really flattered by that comment though. When Howard was taking phone calls a caller also said that he ''pleasured himself'' to the Ginger character when he was 12. She really doesn't want to hear about that stuff but she didn't get too uptight about the whole thing. Before she left she told Howard that she was very happy to have met him. It sounds like she's a real fan of his.
-- Wednesday December 10, 1997 --
Woman Who Shoots Jack Daniels Out Of Her Private Parts Comes In. 12/10/97. 7:30am
Mrs. Jack Daniels is what Howard called this woman. She is able to somehow squirt Jack Daniels liquor out of her vagina. It's not just a couple of inches either, she's able to squirt it about 6 feet! Not only that but her husband, or whatever he is, is the target. He stands about 6 feet away and is able to drink it while she squirts. She lays on her back to do it so I don't know if he kneels down or if he stands. Either way it must take some control to do it. Howard said that E! had mounted a special camera on the guy's head so they'd have the guy's point of view while she was demonstrating. Her first couple of tries didn't go more than a couple of feet but after a few practice tries she was hitting her target. I don't think we'll ever see that on E! but at least they made the attempt. The woman is in her early 30's and her husband is 50. The husband said that some people think that she's his daughter sometimes. It must be a hell of a sight when they do this trick. Before the woman did her demonstration she queefed a few times. That's one talented vagina!
Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy, Nicole Bass And Others Get Hypnotized. 12/10/97. 8:05am
Barbara Lane, author of ''Echos From The Battlefield'' and ''Echos From The Medevil Halls'', came in to hypnotize some people to find out who they were in their past lives. She ''pre-hypnotized'' 5 people; Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy, Nicole Bass, Steve Grillo and Doug Goodstein. When she brought them into the studio they were all very mellow. The first person to be hypnotized in the studio was Steve Grillo. Barbara counts to 5 and that brings them into their deep hypnosis. While Steve was under, he claimed that his name was Christopher and he just got a new job after working in a stable back around the time of Abraham Lincoln. Like Howard said, Steve was just as inarticulate in his past life as he is now. He wasn't that interesting. Next up was Crackhead Bob. Bob was pretty funny. He was half asleep and was talking very low. He said that he was a soldier in the Civil War. He was a bit confused because he said that he was fighting for the south but he was against slavery. Then he said that he was General Lee! Doug Goodstein from E! was the next person up. Doug had the most detailed story of them all. He claimed to be a Jewish guy in Poland around 1939 when the Nazi's were coming in. He said that the Nazi's beat him and left him for dead but he survived. After his hypnosis he said that he could actually feel the beating he took and almost fell out of his chair. After Doug was female Bodybuiler Nicole Bass. Nicole had an unusual story about being in a ''Utopian Society'' and seeing rolling hills and trees all around. She didn't have much of a story other than that. Howard was goofing on her the whole time asking her if she was more feminine in her past life than she is now. Nicole stayed very calm through the whole thing. She never went into that Herman Munster laugh that she usually does. Elephant Boy was last up. He claimed to be someone by the name of Clemmett Lewiston living in Maple Ridge, Illinois back around the turn of the century. He was the owner of a general merchandise store and was the richest man in town. He also had a wife by the name of Agnes. It was fairly entertaining hearing some of them talking about past lives. Before everyone left they all had to get their plugs in and most of them were web sites so here they are:
- Barbara Lane's books can be ordered through 1-800-732-1112
- Nicole Bass' web site is www.nicolebass.com
- Crackhead Bob's web site is www.crackheadbob.com
- Elephant Boy's web site is www.espband.com (I think that's what he said)
The Nude Rub Down Finalists Are Chosen. 12/10/97. 9:00am
On tomorrow's show a porno star by the name of Taylor Hayes will be giving someone a nude rub down. The person with the best hard luck story, judged by Howard, will be the winner. There were a hell of a lot of contestants but Howard narrowed it down to 3 people. There were so many people in the contest that I couldn't keep up with it but here are just a few examples:
- Guy who hasn't had sex from his wife in 1 ½ years.
- Guy who had the nerves cut in his penis.
- Guy who ripped his scrotum on a barbed wire fence running away from a farmer.
- Guy who's sister and father died.
- Guy who hasn't had feeling in genitals for the past 18 years.
- The final finalists are the following people:
- Robert - No sex from his wife in over a year and a half.
- Dave - Lost his foot after having a callous removed from it and getting gangrene.
- Gail - Husband's penis was ripped off by a vacuum cleaner while he was high on speed.
All three of these people will be coming down to the studio tomorrow. I don't know which one is getting the nude rub down but we'll find out tomorrow.
-- Tuesday December 9, 1997 --
Hard Luck Stories For Nude Rubdown. 12/9/97. 6:30am
On Thursday a porno star will be coming down to the studio to give one lucky, or unlucky, listener a nude rubdown. The listener with the most pathetic hard luck story will win the rubdown. Howard started taking a bunch of calls today for the contest. There were people with stories like a guy who lost a foot after having something removed from it and getting gangrene. Another guy found his father after he committed suicide and then his sister died in a car accident. One guy had the tendon and nerves in his penis cut because his erection wouldn't go away. Now he can't even get aroused! I guess tomorrow they'll pick the winner of the contest so he or she can come down on Thursday for the rubdown. Check back tomorrow for more.
Tristen Taramino, Author Of ''The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women'', Comes In. 12/9/97. 8:00am
The subject of anal sex seems to fascinate Howard. That's why he had this woman come down to the studio for an interview. Tristen is a 26 year old who claims that she's slept with ''less than 100 but more than 10'' people in her life. In the book she discusses how to get into the act and some of the myths about it. Some of the conversation was cut out by the delay so it was kind of choppy. When Howard asked her which position was best for this type of sex the delay was hit I guess because it was a little too graphic. Before Tristen came in to the studio Gary told Howard that she was a 7 but because she likes anal sex she goes up to a 10. Gary's just a little to enthusiastic about that anal stuff. To order the book you can call 1-800-780-2279.
Gavin McLeod Calls In. 12/9/97. 8:45am
This past weekend Robin ran into actor Gavin McLeod at some craft fair she was at. She talked with him and asked if he'd ever do the show. Well he was on the phone doing the show this morning. Gavin was the captain on ''The Love Boat'' tv show. He was also in ''McHale's Navy'' and ''The Mary Tyler Moore Show''. Today he was just talking with Howard about his life and plugging some impotence hotline. He told the story about how he and his wife got divorced and got back together a few years later. While Gavin was out playing the field his wife was out creating a group called L.A.D.I.E.S. or Life After Divorce Is Eventually Sane. Eventually Gavin was born again and found God. He then went back to his wife and they got back together.
Celebrity Interviews From The Billboard Music Awards. 12/9/97. 9:20am
Last night was the Billboard Music Awards show from Las Vegas. Howard had one of the guys from the Vegas affiliate go down to ask some questions. The interviewer, Michael Strohman, managed to get quick interviews with the Spice Girls, Carrot Top, Tyson Beckford, Meridith Brooks, Kenny G, Busta Rhymes, Toni Braxton, Evander Holyfield, Puff Daddy and Leann Rimes. The Spice Girls were up first and the questions pissed them off enough that they were hitting the microphone while the guy was asking them. Carrot Top, a comedian, didn't answer any questions but said that he really likes Howard's show. Model Tyson Beckford refused to answer ''OJ, innocent or guilty?''. Meridith Brooks answered a question about sending a bad message to young women but ran off right after it. Kenny G answered a few questions one of them was about what his last name is. I think he said it's Gorlich or something like that. Busta Rhymes answered a couple of questions and when he was asked about Howard he went crazy and started talking about his last appearance when Jackie let a couple of guys eat Hershey Kisses out of his ass. During one part of the press conference Melrose Larry Green was asking questions. No one knows how he got in to ask them but he was there. He was asking Howard Stern questions to Toni Braxton, Evander Holyfield, Puff Daddy and Leann Rimes. Howard said that Melrose ruined Howard's real questions. No one bad mouthed Howard though. They were pretty much fans of his. The end of the interviewing came when Michael asked 15 year old Leann Rimes some intimate questions. He asked her things like ''Is it tough to sing while on your period?'' and ''Are you a virgin?''. Apparently Leann's father came after Michael but he blamed the questions on someone else.
-- Monday December 8, 1997 --
Gary's A Proud Papa Once Again. 12/8/97. 6:05am
Gary announced that his wife gave birth to Lucas Dell'Abate around 4:45am on Sunday, December 7. Gary now has 2 sons and was very happy this morning. Howard was goofing on the name Lucas because it's so easy to do. Gary said that there really isn't many names that go with his last name and his wife liked Lucas so they used it. His other son's name is Jackson for those of you who were wondering.
New Studio Design. 12/8/97. 6:15am
Keep an eye out on the E! show for a redesigned studio. Ralph went crazy and changed the look of the studio. There are now shelves with Stern show memorabilia on them along with a bunch of other improvements(?).
Alan Karuba From The Boring Institute Calls In. 12/8/97. 7:20am
Each year this guy comes out with a list of the 10 most boring celebrities. Last year the list included Howard. Howard talked to the guy real quick before the list was read. Here's the list:
1. Ellen Degeneres
2. The Royal Family
3. Paula Jones
4. Marv Albert
5. Jenny McCarthy
6. The Kennedy cousins
7. Kenneth Star, Whitewater investigator
8. Al Gore
9. Robert Downey Jr.
10. The Mars rover and the Mir space station
I can't imagine why the Mars rover and Mir are on that list but who cares? Howard seemed to be rushing the guy along because it was kind of boring.. kind of ironic huh? The guy was just as boring as the people on his list.
Woman With 4 Nipples Comes In To Show Howard. 12/8/97. 8:05am
This woman came in who claims to have 4 nipples. She has the 2 normal ones on her chest but on her stomach are 2 more which aren't fully developed. Howard was under the impression that she was going to show all 4 of them but all she ended up doing was lifting up her shirt and showing the little ones on her stomach. Howard said that they looked like either warts or birthmarks. The woman said that her doctor told her they were ''accessory nipples''. Robin said that she read about this type of thing recently and it's quite common. Some women are capable of having up to 8 nipples! As she was preparing to leave she told Howard that she brought in gifts for everyone. She gave Howard something called ''Moist Mates''. They're like baby wipes for adults. It sounded like Howard might actually use the things since he finds toilet paper is pretty useless when cleaning up that area.
B.J. Thomas Comes In. 12/8/97. 8:15am
Who the hell is B.J. Thomas? Remember that awful song ''Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head''? Well he was the guy who sang that song. He's had 16 top 40 hits and I don't think I could name one of them. Anyway, he was supposed to come in and sing a song parody about Rosie O'Donnell's head to the tune of ''Raindrops Keep Falling...'' but when he came in he said he wasn't going to do it. He claimed that he wasn't aware that he was supposed to sing the song. He thought that Howard was going to sing it while he was there. Howard was pretty bummed by that crap. B.J. Said he never does anything like that. Howard should have kicked his ass right out of the studio at that point but he let him stay for a few. It turned out that he had some interesting stuff to talk about after all. He dated and married a high school girl when he was in his late 20's. She's still with him today. He also had quite a drug history to talk about. He once tried to stay awake for a month straight while on drugs. He only lasted 11 days though. B.J. came in so he could plug his Christmas CD entitled ''Christmas Is Coming Home''. He'll also have a Greatest Hits album out late next year sometime.
Problems With Crackhead Bob. 12/8/97. 8:50am
Crackhead Bob was supposed to make an appearance down in Orlando Florida this past weekend. There were problems though. First of all he went on the Russ and Bo show which airs after Howard's show. They were planning on putting Bob in a nativity scene and having him sing Christmas songs. The religious groups down there went nuts and the thing was canceled. Howard got some newspaper articles in which his name was mentioned even though he had nothing to do with the nightmare. On the phone Howard had the assistant Program Director from the Orlando station, Crackhead Bob, Bob's sister Denise and the guy who designed Bob's web site. He was trying to straighten out a bunch of things. He told the Program Director that he doesn't want any of his show members being used on the station at any other time. She agreed without a problem. After that was settled Howard said that he heard stories about Bob's agent, yes his agent, taking too much of the money he was getting for doing appearances. He heard things like he was getting 50% of the money. He tried to straighten out that mess with Denise and Bob. The guy who designed crackheadbob.com was also in on the conversation since he gets half of the money they make off of the merchandise they sell. Bob's sister has control of Bob's money so that's why Howard was talking to her. By the end of the conversation it still wasn't clear as to what Bob's agent was making. Not too long after that Bob's agent called Howard to tell him that all he gets is the standard 10% that agents make. So everything is back to normal for now. The worst part about Bob's trip to Orlando was that they canceled his appearance so he went down for nothing and didn't make any money.
-- Friday December 5, 1997 --
Kendra The Stripper Comes In To Touch Howard. 12/5/97. 6:25am
This woman called Howard yesterday from Massachusetts. She told Howard that she wanted to come down and touch him. Howard invited her and she showed up very early this morning. She's a 20 year old who's been a stripper since the age of 15. It turns out that she was molested by her grandfather when she was a child. That's what messed her up. Howard talked to her for a while then asked her if she wanted to go under his console and rub him. She agreed and went under. She had already removed some of her clothing so she was half naked. Howard took some phone calls while she rubbed his feet and legs. He couldn't concentrate and said he was falling in love with her. She eventually got a little too aggressive for him so he had her get out from under the console. Kendra's a stripper at some club called Electric Blue in Connecticut. Howard said she's really cute so you might want to check her out if you get the chance.
The Crazy Cabbie From Minneapolis Calls In. 12/5/97. 7:30am
This guy was working for Howard's competition in Minneapolis/St. Paul until recently. He was kind of like Stuttering John. He would get celebrity interviews for the Barnard show but some of them were fake interviews. He was fired after doing a phony interview with someone pretending to be Brett Farve's mistress or something like that. Even though Tom Barnard knew that some of the Crazy Cabbie's interviews were faked he fired Crazy for the Brett Farve interview. The Crazy Cabbie just wanted to tell Howard about the situation so everyone would know what a phony Tom Barnard really is. Howard said he'd hook the Cabbie up with his Minneapolis/St. Paul program director to see if he could get him a job.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Donny Osmond. 12/5/97. 8:05am
Donny Osmond came in to play the Mike Walker game today. Donny was in to plug his ''Christmas At Home'' CD which is available from QVC. He'll be appearing on QVC Saturday night at Midnight and 2 times on Sunday. Let's move on to the Mike Walker game. Here are the 4 stories. One of them is false so try and pick it...
1. Harrison Ford will be making a cameo appearance on ''Ellen''. The script is being written now.
2. Kathleen Turner was at a hotel with a dirty toilet. She freaked out and went to another hotel. The first hotel offered to pay for her new hotel because they wanted a second chance.
3. Two of Kelsey Grammar's co-stars on ''Frasier'' do a daily walk around the studio lot. Kelsey asked to walk with them one day but got so tired he had to call for a golf cart to come and bring him back.
4. Danny Devito had to climb a fence to fetch his kid's model airplane but a dog chased him.
Donny Osmond chose number 1 as the false story. Jackie chose number 3, Robin and Howard both chose number 4 as the false one. The actual false story was number 2. No one got it correct this week. After the game Howard spent some time with Donny and found out some interesting stuff. Donny was married at age 20 and was a virgin at the time. He's never had anal or oral sex from his wife either! Howard found that to be very fascinating. He also admitted to seeing his sister, Marie, naked when he was about 18.
The Miami Murderer Calls In. 12/5/97. 9:15am
Some guy called in to tell Howard about his ratings in Miami. After giving him the good news the guy started talking about how he had killed his girlfriend a couple of years ago but he didn't go to prison because he was found to be insane. He was sent to a mental institution but escaped. He said that he just killed 4 gay people down in Miami and said he was on the news. He said that he doesn't know what to do and that he'd like to come up to visit Howard. Howard told him that if he turned himself in and mentioned Howard's name he'd see if he could get him a job. The guy went a little nuts and said he was going to kill more people if Howard hung up on him. Eventually Howard had to get him off the phone so he did. A little while later people were calling in saying the guy was full of crap and that no one has killed any gay people down there lately. The guy said he'd be on the news on Monday so we'll have to keep an eye out for that.
-- Thursday December 4, 1997 --
More Howard Stern Carolers. 12/4/97. 7:10am
The second group of The Howard Stern Carolers, a.k.a. The Ex-Boyfriends, were out on the street bright and early this morning. They started out on 42nd Street and sang ''God Damn It Christmas Sucks'' and ''Lesbian Chicks'' sang to the tune of ''Silent Night''. There was a whole CBS camera crew and satellite truck set up to broadcast the signal to the studio so Howard could watch. After the guys sang there weren't many people around to interview so later in the show the carolers moved on to Penn Station and sang the two songs once again. This time there were a few people around to interview. No one had a bad word to say about the songs. They seemed to enjoy them very much!
Frank Bank (Lumpy from ''Leave It To Beaver'') Calls In. 12/4/97. 8:40am
Frank Bank has written a book entitled ''Call Me Lumpy; My Leave It To Beaver Days...''. Frank has had quite a life. Howard rattled off questions one after the other about the book and it was all very interesting. It was hard to keep up with the conversation but here are a few things they talked about. Frank had an IQ of over 200 when he was a child back in the '50's. He's gotten laid over 1000 times because of his role on ''Leave It To Beaver''. He thinks Oriental's are best in bed. He's made millions in the stock market, not from the Beaver money. He was once married for a total of 6 days. Howard spent quite a while talking to Lumpy and they even gave him a little bit of an IQ test. He didn't do too well on it. He got 1 out of 4 questions correct. A couple of callers told Howard that there was no way Frank got over 200 on an IQ test. Frank did point out that it was back in the 1950's when he took the test so it may have been a little different than it is now. Franks book is being shipped now so it should be available very soon.
Scott The Engineer's Admirer. 12/4/97. 9:45am
Believe it or not, Scott The Engineer has a female admirer by the name of Jessica. The 20 year old, 5'11'' woman called Howard to tell him that she'd love to give Scott oral sex. Howard found this all very hard to believe. She says that she's good looking and finds Scott attractive. Howard ended up inviting her down for Scott's big push-up contest on January 7. Howard said there will be 20-25 people invited to the studio to see Scott try to do his 17 push-ups.
Dueling Crackhead Bob's. 12/4/97. 10:10am
A guy called in this morning who could do a pretty good impression of Crackhead Bob. Howard talked to the guy for a few minutes and the guy never came out of character. Even when Howard asked the guy to talk in his real voice he didn't change. A short while later the real Crackhead Bob called in complaining about the guy. CH Bob 2 mentioned that he might start doing appearances as ''Crackhead Bob 2''. Real Bob got pissed off and wanted to yell at the guy. Gary got CH Bob 2 back on the phone and they had dueling Crackhead Bob's. It was damn funny because the real Bob was laughing at the guy's impression but was also trying to yell at him.
-- Wednesday December 3, 1997 --
The Howard Stern Carolers Hit The Streets. 12/3/97. 7:50am
Last night was the big Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Center in New York City so Howard sent out his carolers to the event. They sang the song parody of ''Tis The Season'' which mentions orgasm's and other sexual stuff. Most of the people in the area were cheering after they sang but there was one woman who went crazy yelling about them. She was saying that they shouldn't be singing about orgasm's because there's children around. While she was yelling about that she was cursing up a storm...with the same children around. Crazy bitch... Howard said there will be more caroling in the next few weeks. The Gentlemen Carolers are the group that did the great job.
Daniel Carver's Movie Reviews. 12/3/97. 8:00am
KKK member Daniel Carver was on the phone with his latest movie reviews. This week's reviews included ''The Toy'', ''The Bodyguard'', ''Cinderella''(TV movie) and ''Blazing Saddles''. The scale was burning crosses on a scale of one to five I believe. Here's how he reviewed the movies:
- The Toy - 4 burning crosses
- The Bodyguard - 2 burning crosses
- Cinderella - 1 burning cross
- Blazing Saddles - 3 burning crosses.

The Homeless Game. 12/3/97. 8:45am
This ''homeless game'' has gotten very popular. One lucky caller gets to play the game for a prize. Today's prize was a watch valued at $500. The object of the game is to guess whether or not the homeless person being questioned will be able to answer the questions correctly. If the caller gets 4 out of 7 guesses correct he wins the watch. Here are a couple of sample questions Howard played to warm everyone up:

Question Answer Correct?

Name 3 continents. America, Australia, Africa Close

What state is Las Vegas in? America Incorrect

After those questions Howard moved on to the real game. The caller ended up only getting a couple of guesses correct but Howard ended up giving him the watch anyway. After going through the 7 questions with the caller he and the rest of the crew all bet on the remaining questions. Here's how it went

Question Caller Says Homeless Answer Correct Answer?

Spell ''Truth''. Yes FRBR Incorrect

How many strings are on a guitar? No 4 Incorrect

What fruit fell on Newton's head? No Apple Correct

What is Steven Spielberg famous for? No Baseball player Incorrect

Who discovered America? No Columbus Correct

How many years is one Presidential term? No 4 Correct

Who is the current Mayor of New York City? Yes Secretary Haig Incorrect

What is a pedicure? NA Tylenol Incorrect

What is Superman's secret identity? NA Clark Kent Correct

How many letters are in the alphabet? NA 24 Incorrect

Finish this famous movie title ''Gone with the...'' NA Wind Correct

What country is north of America? NA South America Incorrect

What color person is a Caucasian? NA Red Incorrect

When is Halloween? NA October 31 Correct

-- Tuesday December 2, 1997 --

Howard Regretting His Tattoos Already? 12/2/97. 6:05am
Howard made a quick mention this morning that he saw a tattoo on Antonio Sabato Jr. That looked really cool. He said something about wanting that one instead of the one he got. It's probably not the last time we'll hear that from Howard. He'll probably regret it more and more as time goes by.
Scott The Engineer Push-up Update. 12/2/97. 6:20am
Howard was talking to Scott about the upcoming push-up event in January where Scott has to do 17 push-ups for a total of $31,000 in bets. Scott hired a new trainer by the name of Radu. Apparently the guy has trained some celebrities and has done a great job. Scott is really pumped for this thing and he's been working out preparing for it. Later in the show Scott's old trainer, George, called in. He told Howard how Scott dumped him for the new guy. He said that Scott told him that E! had hired Radu to train him. Scott denied that he ever told George that but Howard and Robin seemed to believe George. The big day will be in January after the show's Christmas vacation.
Bart Baggett, Handwriting Analyst. 12/2/97. 7:55am
This guy was plugging a book that he wrote called ''How to analyze handwriting in 10 minutes''. Howard, Robin, Jackie, Fred and Gary all submitted a handwriting sample to Bart so he could analyze them without knowing who wrote each one. Bart took each sample and took notes on each one. He was on the phone with his analysis. Here is what he said about each one:
- Sample 1 - Most intelligent, vain, paranoid, loner, doesn't listen.
- Sample 2 - Insecure, sexually frustrated, out to prove themselves, vain, defiant, low sex drive, bullshiter.
- Sample 3 - Moody, violent, temperamental, blunt, had an injury at age 6, most likely to be on Prozac.
- Sample 4 - Liar, denies everything, stubborn, passionate, gullible, rebellious, antagonistic, open minded.
- Sample 5 - Pain in the ass, anal retentive, whiner, analytical, prints everything.
As Bart read each one of his analysis the gang voted on who they thought he was talking about. Almost everyone thought that number 1 was Howard. Howard was the only one who didn't think so. It turned out that it was Howard. Number 2 was Gary, number 3 was Fred, number 4 was Robin and number 5 was Jackie. No one got them all right but they all came close on the first one. If you'd like to order this handwriting thing you can call 1-888-83-WRITE.
-- Monday December 1, 1997 --
New Station Added - KORB Planet 93.5 - Iowa/Illinois. 12/1/97. 6:05am
The latest addition to the Stern family broadcasts into Davenport and Bettendorf Iowa and into Rock Island and Moline Illinois or as they're called: the quad cities. Howard had a story to tell about the station. They hired Howard because the two DJ's that were there before Howard kind of screwed the station over. The hiring of Howard is to get revenge on them.
Howard Finally Gets Tattooed! 12/1/97. 7:05am
Howard finally did it, he went out and got not one but two tattoos! He and his buddy Ralph went out together on Saturday and got inked. Howard got one tattoo on his shoulder and one on the back of his neck. Ralph got one on his hand and one on the back of his neck. Howard said that one of his tattoo's is the Capricorn sign and the other one is like a triangle of some sort. I'm not sure what Ralph got but he said the one on his hand is between his thumb and forefinger. Howard said that his tattoos really didn't hurt. Everyone made him think that he'd be in serious pain but he didn't mind it at all. Ralph, on the other hand, was a baby about the whole thing. Howard had Ralph and the guy who did the tattoo on the phone. They got them done at Sacred Tattoo in New York City by Sean Vasquez. Howard seems pretty happy with it so far. The next thing you know he'll come back from Christmas vacation with his nose job done. It may just happen.
Jade St. Claire, Miss Nude World, Drops In. 12/1/97. 8:20am
This woman just came by the station to try and get on the air. Well, it worked. Howard let her come in the studio so he could meet her. She was very willing to show off her body since she is ''Miss Nude World''. She won the contest and just gave up her title about a week ago. She didn't tell Howard that fact until after the interview when the board operator from Myrtle Beach called in and told Howard that she wasn't the current ''Miss Nude World''. Jade said that she'll ''..always be Miss Nude World..'' even if she isn't the current title holder. She's in the city filming some music video for some band that I've never heard of.
Dr. R. Scott Smith Comes In. 12/1/97. 8:30am
Dr. Smith is a plastic surgeon down in Florida. He challenged Howard to see if he could pick out women who had breast implants done by him. Dr. Smith brought in 4 women, 3 of which had implants. If Howard was able to pick the implants out and tell Dr. Smith how they were done then one lucky listener would win a free breast augmentation. 3 of the women took off their tops so Howard could inspect their goods but one refused to take her top off. Dr. Smith said it wouldn't make a difference. Howard looked at and touched the women's breasts. He guessed that all three of the women with their shirts off had implants. He was correct. He even got the technique right. The implants were put in through the women's bellybuttons so there's no noticeable scarring near the breasts. That's gotta hurt. Dr. Smith said that his practice is on St. George island in the Gulf Of Mexico so the women can recuperate on the beach if they want to. Since Howard was correct with his guesses there will be one lucky listener who will get free breast implants. They're going to come up with a contest to give them away. I'll keep you informed when they announce what the contest will be.
Gary Garver Celebrity Interviews From California. 12/1/97. 9:20am
This guy Gary out at KLSX in California is getting more celebrity interviews than Stuttering John. Howard played the latest batch of interviews which included Ed McMahon, Rip Taylor, Mark & Brian and Steve Allen. Ed McMahon answered a bunch of simple questions like ''Where did you spend thanksgiving?'' and a couple of questions about Johnny Carson. The last question was ''Do you ever get constipated?'' and of course it scared Ed away. He just answered ''I'd rather not answer that...''. After Ed McMahon Gary moved on to Rip Taylor. Rip answered the questions but the answers didn't make much sense because he was trying to be funny. Gary also tried to interview Mark and Brian, the DJ's that Howard beats in the Los Angeles ratings. They wouldn't answer any of the questions. They were silent. Gary also interviewed Steve Allen. He asked him questions like ''Who are the top 3 comics?'' and ''Why was Jack Parr so angry?'' Steve answered the questions and his wife chimed in with her two cents also. The question that scared them away was ''How do you keep your sex life alive?''.. They took off after that one.

Back to:

Marla	Big Black	Slow Adam	High Pitch Eric	Total
Sexy Outfit	6	9	10	25
Talent	8	10	7	25
Personality	7	10	8	25
Total Score:				75

Marti	Big Black	Slow Adam	High Pitch Eric	Total
Sexy Outfit	8	10	10	28
Talent	6	10	10	26
Personality	5	7	10	22
Total Score:				76

Denise	Big Black	Slow Adam	High Pitch Eric	Total
Sexy Outfit	9	10	10	29
Talent	8	10	8	26
Personality	8	10	10	28
Total Score:				83

Question	Answer	Correct?
Spell ''Truth''.	Ruth/truth/trutch	Close
What fruit fell on Newton's head?	Apples	Correct
Who is the current Mayor of New York City?	Judy Bouliani	Incorrect

Question	Caller Says	Homeless Answer	Correct Answer?
How many strings are on a guitar?	N	16 or 32, depends on the volume	Incorrect
Name one chess piece.	Y	Bishop and knight	Correct
What is Brunch?	Y	between lunch and breakfast	Correct
What country is north of America?	Y	Alaska	Incorrect
What does I.R.S. Stand for?	Y	International Revenue Service	Incorrect but close enough
How many years is one Presidential term?	N	Four	Correct
What is Superman's secret identity?	Y	Clarky Kenty	Close enough
What are the President and First Ladies names?	NA	Elizabeth and Washington	Incorrect
How many letters are in the alphabet?	NA	26	Correct
What does E.R. Stand for?	NA	Emergency Room	Correct
Finish this famous movie title ''Gone with the...''	NA	Wind	Correct
What shape is the Pentagon?	NA	Octagon	Incorrect
What band was Ringo in?	NA	Beatles	Correct
What state is Las Vegas in?	NA	Nevada	Correct
When is Halloween?	NA	31-Oct	Correct