Howard said tomorrow they're going to have the Woo Sam's Mom segment. He said they talked to Samantha's mom and she's going to come in to pick a date. He said that will be happening tomorrow.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he called Ronnie over the weekend and did he take the call. Howard said he did and Ronnie did take the call. He said that Jason could tell them more details. He said he called Ronnie and he said he shouldn't have broken the news to him on the air that he can't come to his wedding. He said sometimes he can't resist doing stuff on the air. He said that he can't come for a bunch of reasons. He said Ronnie understood. He said he thinks he was hurt. He said it was awkward.
Howard said people have to stop telling him he's an asshole. He said he knows that. He said he has real issues. He said he's not partying with a psychiatrist. He said he has trouble with a lot of things. He said it's a whole thing. He said he thinks that Ronnie understands. He said he thought he knew him well enough. He said Ronnie was his driver for many years. He said he loves the guy and they had good times together. Robin said they were always sharing in the car. Howard said he doesn't thinks he expected him to show up. He said his daughter had to beg him to come to her wedding. He said he's joking about that. Jason was looking like he was surprised at that. Howard said he can't crack a joke around there.
Howard said he doesn't hang out with anyone really. He said the guy he loves dearly in life is Dr. Lou and he hasn't seen him in years. He said he talks to him on the phone two times a week. He said he hasn't seen Robin in 3 years. He said everyone is doing just fine.
Howard said Ronnie's wedding looks like everyone who worked for him. He said everyone showing up has worked for the show. Jason said it looks like everyone who has ever worked for the show in the past 40 years. Howard said he doesn't go out anywhere. He said for him to go on a plane to Vegas for a weekend is a big thing and he's not going to do it. He said Ronnie has to get over it. He said if his whole wedding hinges on him that's an issue. He said Jason heard that Ronnie is thinking other people won't come to the wedding now that he's not coming.
Ronnie said Jon Blitt knows how to twist things. He said he told him that it bothers him. He said that they used to hang out. Howard said they hung out at Scores. Ronnie said they hung out with Neil and people like that. Howard said that was 1000 years ago. He said when you're working that's not hanging out. Ronnie asked why they're talking about this. He said he got the message. He said don't tell him that everyone coming to the wedding is part of this fucking show. Howard said he is telling him that.
Ronnie said Jon Blitt twists people's words around. Howard said he didn't even go to Nowicki's wedding and his was in the city. He said he has no problem with Ronnie though. Mariann said that they were very good friends. Ronnie said she doesn't know what she's talking about. Howard said Ronnie doesn't really know him. He said he wouldn't go to his wedding if he was even in the lobby of his apartment building. He said people are driving him crazy with this.
Jason said that Ronnie spent 45 minutes talking to his shrink about how he feels about all of this. Howard said he doesn't spend any time with his shrink talking about Ronnie. He said Ronnie shouldn't be talking about him. Ronnie said that's what you do. He said it's the whole situation. He said he was all over the place saying he was going and then not going. He said everything is a joke about his wedding now. He said it's all a joke.
Howard said he thinks 99 percent of Ronnie's appointments are about him. Ronnie said he hates to tell him but he's not that important to his life. He said he invited people he knows for years. He said that's who he invited. He said they're not all involved with the show.
Jason said the big news that came out is that Ronnie was so upset that he had a cry after the show last week. Ronnie said he didn't cry hysterically. He said he did shed some tears. Howard said oh my god. Ronnie said it was very hurtful the way he did things. Howard said he did call and apologize. Ronnie said he did go to Jason's wedding. Howard said that was in Brooklyn. Ronnie said it was in Jersey. Howard said stop it. He said he's being silly.
Howard said he has to stop. He said he's not going to say anything more about it. He said Ronnie has a problem. Ronnie said they must both have problems.
Howard said he didn't go to Will's wedding. He said he's the head writer on the show. Ronnie said he wasn't head writer back then. Howard said he does a radio show and he's trying to have fun.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Howard Stern. Fake Howard said that he should go to the wedding for him. He said that would solve everything. Ronnie said he thought he'd have someone there who was a friend. Ronnie said he can have the garbage can. Howard said he's getting offended here. Howard asked Ronnie toe tell him how else he offended him here.
Fake Howard said he's his boss. He said he can catch a bouquet there or do the Electric Slide. Ronnie said he sucks. Howard let Fake Howard go after that.
Jason said that JD is also upset about this whole thing. Howard said he got a note about that too. He said he's crying over them. JD said Jon asked him about it and he said it wasn't good. He said he didn't say he was crying. Blitt said he was upset about it. JD said it's not good they're fighting about all of this. Howard said he's never seen so many people crying. He said they have to calm the fuck down. He said not everyone can pick up and go to a wedding in Las Vegas. He said that's it. He said get over it. Ronnie said it's over. Howard said he's acting like he's his best friend. He said he has to get a grip on reality. Ronnie said he's got it.
Jason said Ronnie pulled his back out. Howard said it's because Howard Stern isn't showing up at his wedding. He said he's all confused about their relationship. Ronnie said he's got it. He said enough already dude.
Howard said apologize to him. Ronnie said that's not happening. He said there's no reason to do that. Howard said be a man. Jason said Pearlman wants to say something about all of this. Howard said he sets Ronnie off. He said even Ronnie doesn't want to go to the wedding. Howard said Ronnie didn't want to have a wedding but he went along with it. He said that he should just have a nice party and not worry about it.
Howard said just have a wedding and enjoy it. He said stop whining about him not coming. He said don't get hung up on him. Ronnie said he's not hung up on him. Howard said he doesn't travel anywhere. He said that he doesn't even know what's going on in his life. He said he's happy that Ronnie loves Las Vegas and he's retired. He said he's happy for him that he's getting married. He said don't turn their beautiful friendship into something. Ronnie said he just said they're not friends. Howard said he's making something out of this. Ronnie said he really must be stupid. Howard said they already know that. He said he's been explaining life to him for the past 38 years. He said get over it. Ronnie said he's over it.
Howard asked if everyone who says no to him will get this behavior from him. Ronnie said no. He said Howard is the one who made something out of this. He said that he didn't do it himself. He said Howard started it. Howard asked what he does for a living. Ronnie said he gets it. He said he talks about his life on the air. Howard said he wanted to be there. He said he stands on that.
Jason said Ronnie should not be surprised that this is on the air. He said he knows how the show works. Howard said he's a big fan of Ronnie. He said he doesn't have to keep talking about this. He said please leave his name out of his shrink sessions too. He said talk about his mother and father. He said he's not his mother or father. Howard said leave him out of it. Ronnie said he can talk about whatever he wants.
Howard said it's a major ask to have people fly to Las Vegas. Ronnie said don't come then. Howard said he knows he's not coming. He said he's sitting at home crying about this. He said stop crying. Ronnie said he shed his last tear. He said now he can laugh about it. Howard said go watch NASCAR. Ronnie said he can laugh about it now. Howard said he's acting like his penis fell off.
Howard took a call from Paul Bobo who said that he just wants to clarify one thing. He said they didn't say that everyone from the wedding is from the show. He said they said that everyone associated with the show is coming to his wedding. He said that he isn't listening. Ronnie said it's the same thing. He said that it's people in his life that he wanted there. Howard said he should be crying tears of joy that Stefanie is marrying him. He said that's it. Ronnie said yeah.
Howard said he has his own life. He said he's doing fine. Ronnie said he's happy for him. Howard said that's what he should always say. Blitt asked if he would do a joint session with Howard. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie should get over this because he's not 22 years old and getting married. Howard asked if Fred is going. Ronnie said he hasn't answered yet. Howard said he's not going. Ronnie said he hasn't said yet. Howard said Fred won't even respond.
Paul said that he saw the web site that he has up. He said he's an old guy. He said he should just stop it. Ronnie said fuck you asshole. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard asked Fred if he's going. Fred said he was seriously thinking about it. He said about 2 weeks ago he changed his mind. He said he's not sure what Howard's reasons are but his reasons are that it sounds like a spreader event. He said the guest list kept going up and up and its just not for him. He said the more people you get there the more inclined you are to get infected. He said that's why he's not going. Howard said join the club. He said he's not going anywhere.
Howard said he's sure Fred will come up in his shrink sessions now. Howard asked why not yell at Fred. Ronnie said he's not yelling at anyone. Howard said he has to stop it with this wedding thing. Ronnie said he should just stop it. He shut off his camera. Howard said he was going to ask for a NASCAR report but that won't happen now.
Jason said that Richard didn't come to his wedding. He said that he went to a concert instead. He said he was bummed out by that but they're still friends to this day. Howard said that's kind of fucked up to go to a concert.
Howard said people wrote in about this and they were upset that he was treating Ronnie so bad. He said his fans blow. He said he gets attacked everywhere he goes. He said he's been pretty good to Ronnie. He said he's just not going to Vegas. He said that's not realistic for him.
Howard asked Will if he's going. Will said he's on the fence about it. He said they have to find someone to watch the kids and all. Robin said that now he's going to blame Howard for these people not going. Howard said it's not him. He said it's a destination wedding and people have to fly out to Vegas and all of that. Jason said it's a work week too. Howard said that's why he asked Fred. He said he has these thoughts. Fred said he was thinking about doing it but it's getting too big for him. He said he was going to bring the puppet and he would have had fun.
Howard said if he went to a hotel he'd be worried the whole time. He said that his wife would want to go to dinner and all of that. He doesn't go to weddings that much. Will said everyone knows it's going to be miserable for Howard. He said it didn't make sense.
Howard said he doesn't want Ronnie thinking that everything revolves around him. He said Fred not going had nothing to do with him. He said he doesn't want to get blamed for this. He said Ronnie will do that to him. He said the odds of him going were about a billion to one. He said in his mind he'd go to the weeding but that's not going to happen.
Jason said when he says no to him it's like he's rejecting him as a person. Robin said she expects Howard to say no to everything. She said that way she's never let down.
Howard said it's not fun being him. He said that's what he has to deal with. Blitt told Will he has someone who will take care of his kids for free.
Howard said he loves Ronnie and thinks he's the greatest. He said that's why he's still on the show even after he retired. He said he's great. He said he likes holding on to friends and rewarding people for hard work. He said that's how he shows his gratitude toward the guy. He said he asks what's going on with his life and he wants to know how he can be of service. He said he should really come back on and apologize to him. He said he loves the guy and that will never change. He said he will drop this now.
Howard said people loved how Ed demonstrated what he played in court. He played some of that too.
Howard said people are excited about the Woo Sam's Mom too. He said that name is kind of hard to say. He said they started running promos for the dating game last week. He played the promo he was talking about. Howard read some feedback they got about the upcoming segment.
Howard said the fans got all charged up thinking they were going to be dating Sam. He said this his her mom though. He said he will be full game show host tomorrow. He said people like that from what he knows.
Howard said they got an avalanche of voicemail from men who want to date Sam's mom. He said there were a lot. He played some audio of a 23 year old dude who wants to date her. He played the clip and the guy was telling her how he could give her everything she needs and more.
Howard asked Sam if she's excited for her mom to find love. Sam said she's having trouble talking about it. She said she keeps stuttering. She said it's like when she admitted that she thinks Sal is tapped in. She said the problem is that the guys are keeping her in the dark about the whole thing. She said it's her mother and she's trying to be a good sport but she's very nervous. Howard said she'll be part of the game. He said she can help her mom pick a guy. He said he has songs that guys sent in about this. He played some of the songs they got. One guy sang about wanting to eat her ass and have her shit on his chest.
Howard said that guy was rejected. He said he did come on a little strong. Sam said that she saw her for mother's day. She said she helped her pick out her outfit. She said she's wearing a black jump suit with a blazer over it. She said she's going to wear heels too. She said she'll fix her makeup in the green room. She said she feels like she can't hold back. She said it was like she was on the stand when she was on the air. She said she has to answer if he asks her something. Howard said she had no filter and that's why people liked her.
Howard said one caller was more interested in banging someone else on the show. He played a clip of a guy saying he wanted to fuck JD right in the ass. Howard said they have a theme song for the game. He played that too.
Sam said that her mom asked her to look for some shoes and the box where she keeps her dildo was still there. She said she told the producers that it was there and they asked her to check it. Sam said she opened the box and it was gone. She said no more pink dildo. Sam said in that box are letters from her deceased parents. He said she found that weird too. She said that's the same box that she kept her dildo in. She said that she had to look in that box though.
Howard said a lot of the candidates are interested in both Sam and her mom. Sam said that's fucking gross. She said this is real. She said that's so wrong. Howard said of course it is.
Howard asked if Sam is going to Ronnie's wedding. Sam said she is. Howard said he cut IDs for the game. He played one real quick. Howard said they're looking forward to the game tomorrow. Sam said she doesn't trust the guys on the show. She said she's not sure what she's going to say but she heard a story she may have told the guys. She said they may not want her to talk about it. Sam said she heard that this guy showed her that he could fuck himself in his own ass with his dick. Howard said her mom has seen a lot. Sam said she tried to tell her about it before. She said all of this is coming out now.
Howard said he has seen some really wacky things in his career. He said he doesn't think he's seen a guy fuck himself in the ass though.
Howard read some of the negative comments he got about the Ronnie thing. The fans were telling him he should go to the wedding. Howard said some fans did side with him though. He read some of those comments. Howard said Bubba is going to the wedding. He had some audio of Bubba talking about how he's flying to Vegas on Spirit airlines and shipping his stuff there in a box ahead of time.
Howard said you have to love Bubba. He said he misses that guy. He said his producer pulled a picture of the staff in Miami. He said Bubba had some comments about everyone. Howard played the clip of Bubba talking about how they don't really need studios now so he's not sure why they're building a new one. Bubba went over everyone there and said JD looks fat. He said the other guys look good. Howard said poor JD took a hit there. He said he predicts this is the year JD will lose some weight. JD said don't take that bet. Howard said he pictures him working out like Rocky. JD said he would like to do that but he doesn't have the discipline. Howard said it just takes an hour a day. JD said he is eating salads every day. He said that he's doing what he can. He said that he has a Caesar salad. Howard said that's too much. JD said he's trying to fast too. Howard said stop it with that. He said just have some normal meal. JD said he's doing that.
Howard said JD has to get into it. He said he's getting depressed too. He said he's walking every day. He said he can't run though. He said his pee burns when he pees so he stopped running. He said now his pee is fine. He said he and his wife take a walk now. He said they do either 3 or 4 miles but it doesn't make a dent in his weight. He said that he isn't eating that much but he must be doing something wrong. He said he only has 3 meals and he doesn't snack. He said he's not sure what he's doing. Robin said if he's spiking his insulin then he won't lose weight. She said sugar comes from carbohydrates. She said that can come from a lot of things. Howard said he just a few things. He went over his diet and Robin said that his Metamucil crackers have sugar in them.
Howard said he does the walking and he does the Peloton thing. He said he got a message about a recall on some of the bikes. He said that they said the seat can come off and the pole will go up your ass. He said they say only 11 people have been affected so far but imagine that happens to him. He said that's so fucked up. He said now he's not doing Peloton. He said he has two of those bikes and he got in touch with them and they're supposed to be sending him a seat. He said now he has to wait for that. He said he's not using it until he gets the seat.
Howard said he does not like bike riders. He said they think they can hit you while you're walking. He said he stays on a stationary bike. He said imagine he dies on his Peloton because it impales him. He said Beth will find the bike fucking him.
Howard answered a knock on the door and it was fake Dr. Now who was going off on JD about his weight. Howard asked JD how he felt when Bubba said he was overweight. JD said he knows what's going on. He said that he weighs 215 now. Fake Dr. Now said he thinks it's 315 pounds. He continued to make fun of JD's weight for a couple of minutes. He had Howard cracking up.
Howard let Dr. Now go and said that JD wasn't the only one who put on a few pounds. He said Memet got some ''dad bod'' comments from the fans. He read through some of those comments. He said that the fans pointed out that he has a tire around his waist. Howard said Gary didn't get any hits but Memet took some. Gary said he knows Memet is having issues. He said he still tucks in his shirts. He said he may have to stop doing that. Howard said he saw that. He said he should just untuck so it looks like a mini dress.
Memet said he thinks he owes it to Ronnie to go to his wedding. Howard said this is the guy who thought that his ad campaign should have been him cumming on someone's face. He said if the wedding was in New York he may have gone. He said he's not even sure about that. Memet said that he thinks that the wedding will be easier for them without Howard there. He said they can relax more.
Howard said he heard that Memet ate chocolate cake for lunch one day. He said that he heard he had Little Caesar's pizza too. He said that's the worst. Gary said everyone was raving about the food but Memet didn't want to try the stuff they had. Memet said the food Gary is talking about looked awful. He said he didn't want to try it.
Howard said the fans liked the new Beetlejuice song they played last week. He read through some of that. He said that Beetlejuice is a very prolific song writer. He said he has limited abilities but he kind of does what all of these song writers do and just blurts out lyrics. He said some of the fans wanted to point out some of his other amazing work. Howard played some of the remix of ''Beetle in the House.'' They had Snoop Dogg and Big Freedia on that one.
Howard said that guy Hasbulla guy got arrested too. He said he looks like a baby but he's 20-something. He played a clip of Hasbulla yelling as they were floating him with balloons.
Howard said he was going up into the sky and he was freaking out and his handler was talking to him. He said Steve does a great impression of them. He had Steve do that for them. Howard said he's not sure how he does that but it's great.
Howard said Hasbulla was arrested for some traffic offense. He said he was put in prison for this. He said he's not sure how he can survive in prison. He said the guy is like the size of a baby. Steve said he thinks he's 3'1'' tall or something. Howard said that guy is from Dagestan. He said imagine prison there. Howard said Hasbulla wrote that they decided to hype a little bit and they apologize for that.
Howard said he's in prison. Steve said there's a picture of him shooting a pistol into the air and the gun is the size of him. He said he's sure everyone was ducking behind him the whole time.
Howard asked what language they speak. Steve said he thinks it's Russian. Howard said they gave him a gun and he could barely handle it. Steve said he had a full rifle and it just shoots him back. He did his impression of what that sounds like.
Howard said he read that Hasbulla carries a knife everywhere he goes. He said that he's apparently under house arrest and he has to wear an ankle monitor.
Wolfie said that he did read that he carries a knife everywhere. Howard said he tweeted a picture of himself with an ankle monitor on. Steve did an impression of him stabbing someone.
Wolfie said that when he drives he usually has someone helping him but sometimes he just drives and can't see over the dashboard. Howard said he loves that his name is Hasbulla. Steve said his live streams are the best.
Howard said all of the guys that Wolfie follows are in jail now. He said he thinks that's it for the fan mail. He said that took a long time. He said he has to pish and get fake Trump in there. He said he also has some stuff to play that he didn't get to last week. He said it was a mother's day thing that Sal and Richard did. He said they had a relationship expert on their Jack and Rod show. He said they had a relationship expert on. He said this is late but here it is. He played the call where Jack and Rod had a relationship expert helping fake Ray Stern with some stuff. The expert got fed up with Ray and Howard after all of this arguing.
Howard said that therapist got to hang up but he has to deal with that. Robin said that he didn't want to work with mothers and sons anymore.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said what a great song. He said they wrote it in like a half hour. He said he's not sure how they do that in a half hour. He said Ozzy really is a genius. He read some details about how the song came about. He said they recorded this whole album in just 2 or 3 days.
Howard said he has to talk about this Trump town hall on CNN. He said everyone had their tits in a twist over it. He said the audience was laughing and cheering him on. He said he thought it was really interesting and entertaining. He said he's sure people who hated him hate him even more. He said his fans love him. He said he thought it was an interesting thing to watch. He said that they should have all the candidates on. He said there are some dudes who want to run against him and they should give them an hour. He said there's Ron DeSantis and Tim Scott too. He said he seems pretty reasonable about things. He said DeSantis hasn't declared anything yet. Gary said they say he's declaring today. Howard said Nikki Haley too. Gary said she's only polling at 2 percent. Howard said so what. He said give her an hour.
Howard said some of the people in the audience at the town hall looked like they may have had some issues at birth. Gary said some of them looked like something out of Deliverance.
Howard said he thought the best sound bite was when he said that woman's cat was named Vagina. Howard played a clip of Trump saying ''vagina'' and chuckling at that.
Howard asked Gary what he thought about the whole thing. Gary said they stacked the entire audience with his people. He said no one challenged him. He said that they gave that host the show and she was out of her element. He said Trump steam rolled right over her. Howard said he just keeps talking so much it gets weird. He said she kept trying to tell him to stop saying the election was stolen. She did all of that. He said they say that CNN sold it's soul but some people thought it was a good thing to show it. He said it's good in the sense that people forget what those 4 years were like. He said there was such turmoil. He said that Bill Barr was saying the other day that he can't get anything pushed through. He said maybe this reminds people that this is what they didn't like about him.
Gary said the town hall was entertaining. JD said it was a waste of an hour. He said that Kaitlan Collins tried. He said the whole thing was a waste of time. Howard played the clip where Trump brings up the cat named Vagina.
Howard said the audience did applaud the sexual assault thing. He played a clip of Trump talking about that. Howard said this is crazy talk. He said Trump called Kaitlan a nasty person. The audience cheered Trump when he did that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Trump who had some things to say about this town hall. He said it's the best thing to happen to CNN and towns and halls. He said he did a fantastic job and that's coming from Town Hall magazine.
Howard talked to fake Trump about the comments that they were getting about the town hall. Trump said that he did good for CNN. Howard said he was watching MSNBC and they were losing their mind over him being on CNN. He said his Kaitlan Collins is something. Trump said go head and say it. He said she begged him for sex during the breaks. He said she was a very nasty person with those questions though.
Howard and fake Trump went through more of the town hall. Howard said among his fans he can do no wrong. Trump said he's going to bring the crowd of lunatics everywhere he goes. He called them into the room with him there at Mar-A-Lago. He said they were all there and they played some applause. Fake Trump would say something and they had them responding to everything he brought up.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was another fake Trump. Fake Trump 2 was going off on the other Fake Trump. They had dueling Trumps going at each other for a short time. Howard said he can't tell who the real Trump is here. He said it's a multiverse of pussy grabbers. Howard asked Trump 2 to talk about a few different things. Then he got another knock at the door and it was fake Trump number 3. Howard let the three Trumps talk over each other for a few and then asked them what they thought about January 6th. They all had their comments about that.
Howard was trying to figure out who the real Trump was by asking various questions. The fake Trumps were all talking over each other quite a bit during the bit.
Howard thanked the Trumps and said he knows who the real one is. He said won't offend them by saying who that is. He let all three go a short time later.
Howard said he should have had them all say the word ''huge'' to figure out who the real one is. He got them back in there to say it.
Howard let the Trumps go again. He said there they are, the three Trumps.
Howard said Matt was able to fool Wendy the Slow Adult no problem. He played a clip of Matt talking to Wendy and she had no idea that it wasn't Howard. Fake Howard had her singing a song about doody for him. He also had her grunt for him while she was shitting.
Howard did his impression of Matt's impression. He said it's crazy. He said Wolfie was in charge of that bit and the Wack Packers called him after thinking he really called them. He said that impression so really good. He did more of his impression of Matt's impression.
Howard asked Wolfie which Wack Packers called him to thank him. Wolfie said it was pretty much all of them. He said Tan Mom, Wendy, Jeff, Bigfoot... they all called.
Howard said he's glad that Matt called Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said he would rather him call. Howard played the call Matt made to Jeff where they talked about vomiting. Fake Howard wanted to vomit on Jeff and Jeff was up for it.
Howard said Matt is good. He said Jeff has spoken to him a million times. He said he hears that impression and he starts talking like this. He was doing his impression of Matt's impression again.
Howard said Bigfoot was into the conversation too. He said maybe Matt can take over for him. Matt spent a couple of minutes talking to Bigfoot and he seemed to think it was really Howard.
Howard said what an infectious laugh Bigfoot has. He said that was some conversation they had. He said he can't stand that impression because he starts doing it when he hears it.
Howard said this is Matt talking to Tan Mom as Howard. He played the clip and Tan Mom was fooled right away. Matt spent a few minutes talking to her about his balls and things like that. He had Tan Mom sing to him. She did and she sang about him going down on her and things like that.
Howard was doing more of his impression of Matt. He got Matt on and said he did a great job with those folks. Matt asked if he's himself or is he Howard. Howard said he thinks he's Howard. He said that impression drives him crazy. Matt did some of it for him and kept saying ''Right'' and Howard would repeat that ''right'' like Matt does it.
Fake Howard asked how great he was in that bit. Howard said he was so good. He said the best one is when he talks to Medicated Pete. He said this is great. Howard and fake Howard went back and forth with the ''right'' thing for a minute.
Howard asked if he says ''right'' a lot. Fake Howard played a game where all of the answers were ''right''. Howard was cracking up.
Howard said he has to play the Medicated Pete thing. He said he called Pete and he fell for it. He said Matt didn't know that he has OCD and he was on the phone for a long time. Matt said he was on with him a long time. He said that it was probably 25 minutes with him. He said that went on for a long time.
Howard played the clip where Matt talked to Pete as Howard. He asked Pete for some advice on how to suck his own cock. He kept saying ''right'' and Pete had to say ''right'' back to him because of his OCD. That went on for a couple of minutes in the clip that Howard played. It had been cut down a lot of course. Fake Howard played a ''right'' game with Pete too. Pete ended up doing the ''right'' sounding just like Matt's ''right.''
Matt said it's good they have this because there's a writer's strike, right? Howard said that was wonderful. Matt said he wants to say that he has to go take a pish but he has to tell you about their good friends at Metamucil. He did a live commercial read just like Howard would do. Howard said get out of here. He said he's making him crazy. He said he's good. He let him go and said that makes him crazy. He said that guy is so good. He said he sees him on the internet dressed up as him. He said he was on with Stamos and Jimmy Kimmel. Howard asked Matt how he gets around and finds those people. He said he had Letterman and people like that.
Matt said he lives in New York and he just walks down the street and sees celebrities. He said he saw Andy Cohen last night. He said it's all totally random. He said he just spots someone like Letterman on the street. He said he just randomly ran into Dave on the street. He said he told him about the impression he does and he asked to hear it. He said he found that the show is the connector. He said a lot of celebrities know the show. He said that they find him through the show so it's cool.
Howard said he does see him a lot on the internet. Matt was back into his Howard impression. Howard closed the door on him but kept asking him questions. He asked if he uses his voice to get laid. Matt said only when he does Howard. Howard let fake Howard go again.
Howard said Matt will walk around in Manhattan and get guys like Letterman. He said Dave was in the video with him. He said he gets people to like him. Robin said that he must be running around in that wig.
Howard said Ross said something about how they made it much farther than they thought they would and the season was fun. Howard said he was right about that. Gary said he really was right. He said they made it very far. He said if you step back and look at it then it was great.
Howard said he just makes stuff up to sound like he knows what he's talking about. He said he's like George Santos and gets caught sometimes when he messes up.
Howard said he didn't watch any of the Celtics games. He said he thinks they'll do very well and they'll take it. He said he's just making all of this up. He said he's picking them to beat Miami. Gary said Miami is hot right now. He said they should beat them but Miami is hot right now.
Howard had Gary give him some names so he can bullshit his way through a discussion. They did a little bit of that.
Howard said he thinks the game will be good. He took a call from Michael Rapaport whose voice was really messed up. Howard asked what he did. Michael said he's not sure. Howard said he might have COVID. Michael said he doesn't but he'll check today. Howard said he has COVID. Gary said don't call the show if you're not 100 percent. Michael told him to shut the fuck up. Howard said the phone is so bad and his voice is so fucked him that they don't know what he's saying. Michael kept going though and his phone was really fucked up. Howard said go take a COVID test right now and let him know how it turns out.
Howard let Michael go. He said that his friend had COVID and he didn't know it. He said that he thought he was having trouble with allergies and he sounded just like Michael.
Howard said he really did want to hear what Michael had to say about the games. He said he's going to watch the rest of the games.
Howard said his friend got himself a fake lawn and it saved him money. He said this friend said the fake lawn is never ruined and it's always green. He said he's going to check it out at his house. He said his friend got one too. He said dog shit can ruin it but he doesn't have a dog so he's not worried about that. He said he's going to look into it. Robin said she doesn't know about that.
Robin said some people paint their grass. Howard said that turned into a whole thing. He said he was bitching about his lawn so much that someone painted it. He said his mother in law came over and she was walking on the lawn in her bare feet and they turned green. He said they were almost black. He said she was freaking out about it. He said Beth sent him a picture of her mom's feet. He said he saw that and she knew that it was going to become the story now. Howard said Beth made her mom delete the picture. He said he asked his lawn guys if they were painting it but they said it was fertilizer. He said they put the green stuff down to let you know where it is. He said it's so fucking complicated.
Howard said he's thinking about looking into it. He said it's like a toupee for your yard. He said hopefully it's not too bad. He said he's afraid it's going to go horribly wrong.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he should get rid of the guys doing his lawn if they're that bad. Howard said they're not bad. He said that he's seen their other lawns and they look good. He hung upon him.
Howard asked Ronnie about the rocks he has on his yard. Ronnie said he has rocks and some fake lawn too. He said it's actually nice. He said it was just that one side piece down the side of the house. Howard said that saves you a lot of money because you don't have to maintain it. He said he has to look into it.
Sam said she really can't put her words together over this. She said she's having a hard time with it. Howard said she can't see her mom as a sex object. Sam said it's so weird and she's not sure what to say about it. Howard asked if she's trying to say something. Sam said she's thinking about her sexually and she can't talk. Ronnie said neither can he. Howard played some stingers for the game tomorrow. Sam asked if they're playing a joke on her or something. She said Gary is in to her mom now. Ronnie asked if he were single and he asked her mom out what would she say. Sam said she loves Ronnie and she'd love to have him in her life more. She said she thinks that they would be good together. She said she wouldn't be surprised if her mom has done the strap on thing. She said they can ask her about that tomorrow. Sam said she's not sure if she'll be good with her tomorrow. She said she's stuttering over it all. Howard said he thinks she'll be better tomorrow. He said they say they found some good guys for her mom.
Jason said they guys are all in the age range that her mom asked for. He said that's between 50-65 and they all have jobs and work. He said they're not sand bagging them.
Sam said she did this all to herself. Howard played more of the stingers they have where Ronnie says quick things about her mom. Howard said just go with it. He said she has to just relax and go with it.
Sam said she wants to know if the guys are there for the right reasons. She said that if they want plugs for their businesses or something that's a red flag.
Howard said he thought that Ronnie had a good rapport with her mom so he may have him helping them out during the game. Howard said imagine that they hit it off and Ronnie runs off with her. He said that wedding he would go to. He said he'd have to go.
Sam said that there are some things that you don't bring up on the air and her mom won't bring them up. Howard said he's sure she will. He said he wants to know what they shouldn't mention. Sam said nope! Howard said her mom is the best. He said they'll see what happens tomorrow. Sam said this is her last parent and she has to keep her around.
Howard said they'll see what happens tomorrow.
Howard said he's sick a lot. He asked if he's immuno compromised. Michael said he is. He said that he did fine when he had COVID. He said he had it twice. Howard said he's been going out. He said he's not wearing masks at their homes. Robin asked if they're testing. Howard didn't answer.
Howard asked what he's calling in about. Michael was going off on Gary about how he was going off on people about their looks. Gary said he's not positive that this test is negative. Chris Wilding said that he's positive that he's positive. He said there is a line there. Gary said he might be sick. Michael said he's going to the doctor this afternoon. Gary said he wouldn't say he's negative based on that test he sent them.
Howard asked if someone is playing a sound behind Michael. Fred was. Howard asked him to stop. He said it's driving him nuts.
Howard asked Michael to get tested today. Michael said he is at noon. Howard said now go rest your voice. Michael said he has ulcerative colitis. He said that he has to shit on the street sometimes. He said like Gary's teeth that's nothing to joke about.
Howard said his mother told him to make a speech at his niece's bat mitzvah once. He said he isn't into speeches though. He said his mother keeps hocking him. He said he remembers getting up and saying a few words. He said he didn't feel great about it. He said his mother told him it was terrible. He said he told her to get up and say something then.
Howard said he's not a public speaker. He said he wasn't comfortable doing the Hall of Fame thing for Bon Jovi.
Howard said there was a comedian who used to do a bit about how horrible Hitler was as a public speaker. Howard said that's so true. Howard had Fred play some Hitler clips to goof on them.
Howard said he Googled some wedding speeches and some of these people are so good. He said they're not even on radio but they're really good. He said he's just not good. He said he doesn't look good either. Robin said no one is worried about how he looks. She said they're listening to what he's saying.
Howard said that's too bad. Robin said they had a very sad conversation over the weekend. Howard said they were talking about AI and what's going on with that. He said Robin has an interesting take on it.
Howard said she reminded him of something and asked about the Priyanka Chopra interview and how she grew up in India but then she came here and she was valedictorian in school here. He said that she went back to India and she did horribly in school there. Howard said we might have it so good here that the students lack motivation. Robin said she thinks that people here lack adversity and that leads to a lack of motivation. Howard said that's like Arnold Schwarzenegger and why he did so well. He said that he had motivation.
Howard said maybe it's possible that the culture somewhere else is about education. He said maybe your parents just yell at you all day like in Japan. Robin said that's what it's like over there. She said that they're all over that stuff. Howard said he doesn't know the answer. Robin said she wants to go to India to find out. Howard said she can go but he's not going anywhere.
Howard said Robin was talking to him and she talked about this AI thing. He said that he was the one who said that they're not going to be around to see what happens with AI. Robin said she heard that and couldn't stop thinking about it. She said that was terrible. She said she won't see the end of the story with that. Howard said he ruins everything. He said Robin said he always says the right thing and he said she must be on drugs.
Howard said Robin went to India once and she turned right around and came home the same day. Robin said that's why she's so surprised that they have such great education over there.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his Matt Friend impression of Howard. He kept saying ''right''. He said he has found the hottest influencer in the world. Howard asked if this is a friend. The caller said not at all. He said this woman is just smoking hot. He said her name is Mikayla Demaiter. Robin said she is very attractive. Howard said she is but this caller likes women who have gigantic boobs. He said if you're around women don't talk like this. He said he had a friend who memorized Playboy Playmate names for many years. He said that was very creepy.
Howard said there are a lot of women on the internet who do outfit changes for a living on the internet. Matt Friend was back doing his impression of Howard. There was a lot of ''right'' being said.
Howard asked who else this guy is into. The caller said it's Kiley_Foxx_. Howard said he hates underscores. Jason said he's trying to find this girl but this account is labeled as private. The caller said maybe that's because he follows her.
The caller said he was watching a horror movie and they played Ronnie's egg vibration sound in the movie. Matt Friend was doing more of his impression and saying right a lot.
Howard said that it's kind of embarrassing that this guy asked him to look at this girl and she's behind a pay wall. He said that's kind of creepy. He said he has to go anyway. Howard said Matt can help him with this commercial. He said that he's now chasing him off his own show.
Howard said he likes his Howard Stern wig. Matt said he needs a smaller one. Matt said he does the impression on stage and he needs a smaller wig. He said he has 3 of them. He said he had a girl come over and she saw the wig and may have thought he was Jeffrey Dahmer. He said he has to get Toni over there to give him a hair cut.
Matt mentioned that he went over to John Stamos' house. He said that they got to know each other over the pandemic and he got invited over to his house. He said that he went over to his house and he got there early so he was waiting outside and his neighbor texted John to let him know a weirdo was out there with a back pack on. He said he just didn't want to be there early.
Howard said it is weird to him that Matt gets invited to John's house. Robin said it is weird that he gets to interview people because he's pretending to be Howard. Howard said this is like people going to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. Howard said people think he's Howard Stern but he's really just a guy named Matt. Matt said he met Jimmy Kimmel too. He said he thinks he liked the impression but that was over a year ago and he started off with ''Jesus'' and Jimmy said Howard would never start off with that.
Howard said Matt also talked to Neil Patrick Harris. Matt said he met Alexa Joel and she was going to have him come meet her dad. He fucked up the timing though so he wasn't able to do it. He said he's going back in a couple of weeks to try again.
Howard did a live commercial read and he was doing the ''right, right'' thing like Matt does. He kept Matt on to do his thing while he was doing the commercial. They ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard said he's going to take a few phone calls and keep the show on schedule. He took a call from Bobo who asked how frustrated he is that Apple can't make a phone without voice texting without issues. He said he has an iPhone 11 and it doesn't work. Howard said there's nothing wrong with the phone, it's his mumble mouth. He said Bobo is broken, not the phone. Bobo said it's the phone. Robin asked what happens. Bobo said he talks into it and it all comes out the opposite. Howard laughed. Fred did his Bobo impression and talked about how his phone makes him sound idiotic. Howard said he says ''idiatic'' instead of idiotic. Both Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Bobo sounding like Elmer Fudd. They were making up the words that the iPhone has trouble spelling for him.
Bobo said it's not just him. He said everyone has an issue with the voice to text. Howard was still doing his Elmer Fudd voice making up the words that were getting messed up. Howard said he's not sure what the problem is there. Bobo said if he asks the staff he's sure that they have the same problem. Howard said his phone thinks he's Chinese or something. Bobo said this should not happen in the 21st century.
Fred and Howard went back to their impressions of Bobo. Robin said maybe get an upgrade. Howard said he loves Bobo complaining about his technology like they can just fix it. He said it's pretty amazing that this thing can even get 50 percent of the words right. Robin said Bobo has been around how long an he hasn't improved at all. Howard said he's still dopey.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bobo's wife who sounds like Elmer Fudd too. She was talking in all words that Elmer mispronounces. She was asking Siri how she can get divorced from this moron.
Howard said he was telling Bobo that maybe it's his speech. Mrs. Bobo asked how to change the locks on he front door. Howard let her go a short time later. They played a song parody about Bobo too.
Howard said he thinks Bobo is the problem. Bobo asked if he never has this problem on his phone. Howard said he asked Siri to play Ed Sheeran the other day and he couldn't get any. He asked if Mrs. Bobo has thoughts all day that he can't deal with. Fake Mrs. Bobo said that she wouldn't say that he has actual real thoughts.
Howard asked Bobo why he told people not to wear bandannas. Bobo said it was when the pandemic was at its height and he said that. Howard, Fred and Mrs. Bobo were all doing Bobo's sniff thing. Howard said that must be Bobo and his wife's mating ritual. Mrs. Bobo said that's their mating ritual.
Howard, Fred and Mrs. Bobo did their impression of Bobo messing up his words. Then Fake Bobo (Fred) and Mrs. Bobo were making up what having sex would sound like.
Bobo said he's sure the staff has the same issues with their iPhones. Howard did his impression of Bobo asking Siri to play ''Wed Hot Chiwi Peppuws'' for him.
Robin asked why Bobo can't use his fingers to text. Bobo said he tries to do that and it comes out completely wrong. He said it's not what he said at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is the best question Bobo has ever asked. He said he can't imagine being that so self unaware.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has to repeat the phrase ''The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'' Howard did that as Bobo. Bobo said that it would say he took a plane to Spain.
Howard said he bets it works. Robin said it works fine. She said Bobo will never understand that he's the problem. Howard said it's funny that there's always rain around Bobo even when it's not raining.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to have him try that right now. Howard told Bobo to say something to his phone and tell them what it gets. Fred and Mrs. Bobo were still doing their impressions and goofing on his speech impediment.
Howard asked Bobo to test it out now. Bobo said he's on his phone so he's not sure if he can do it. He said it won't work because they're on the phone. Howard played another song parody about Bobo being a clown. Howard said that was the great John Wennon.
Howard said they're just busting his balls. Bobo said he knows. Howard said some day the phone will understand him. Bobo said he hopes so. He said it's fucked up. Howard said try using your fingers. Bobo said he has to proof read it all. Mrs. Bobo asked how you dig a tunnel to China to get away from Bobo.
Howard asked if that answers Bobo's question. Bobo said yeah. Everyone did their sniff thing again as Bobo does. Mrs. Bobo was asking Siri how to dig a shallow grave or what the prison sentence is for arson.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who was doing his low pitch voice and goofing on Bobo. Howard said Erik is calling in to goof on Bobo. Erik said Mrs. Bobo sounds hot and sexy. Howard said alright you two.
Howard asked what's going on with Erik. Erik said he spoke to Tom Chiusano. Howard said oh. Erik said he was at a street fair and he ran into Tom's son who face timed Tom. He said he said hello to Tom and Tom looks great. He said he's living in Florida and playing golf. He said he wants to play with him down there. Howard said Tom writes him regularly. He said they email all the time. Erik said he looks good. Howard said he is a good looking guy.
Robin asked how his son knew him. Erik said he recognized him. Howard thanked Erik for the call.
Howard said Bobo is right about the voice to text not being perfect. He said there is a feature on the phone where you can record the voice and you don't have to type out anything. He said you can just send a voice message. Bobo said that's what he's talking about. Robin said it's Bobo and not the voice to text. Howard said he refuses to explain that again. He let Bobo go after that.
Howard said that question was too good. Robin said it's the best he's ever had.
Howard said Jimmy and Molly used to come to their house multiple times a year. He said now it's down to none. He said Beth is heartbroken because she loves Jimmy and Molly. He said they were great to be around but coming to his house is like coming to Little Guantanamo Bay. He said that Molly wrote SOS on their roof one day.
Howard said they had Jimmy Fallon and his wife over and he said they have so many rules there. He said he's not a fun hang. He said he just gets through the day. He said he goes to bed at night and realizes he made it through another day. He said Beth said that Jimmy and Molly aren't coming this summer. He said it's clear they're not. He said it's embarrassing. He said that Jimmy and Molly invited them to something and he doesn't want to go. He said that he's invited when he's working. He said that Jimmy knows when he's working. He said in another week it's his summer vacation. He said it was nice that they invited them. He said that he's no fun to be around. He said he's not a fun guy.
Howard said when they went to Miami he told Robin he wanted to end his radio career. He said he was tortured over that whole thing. He said his job is to make everyone feel like they're missing out on something in Miami. He said then they got word that people's feelings were hurt when they didn't get invited there. He said that people think he's fun to be around but he's really not. He said people hear the fun going on and think he's fun to be around. He said he's not hanging out by the pool. He said he has the ability to make things sound like they're going to be fun. Howard said just ask Jimmy Kimmel. He said he has full access to his house and he won't set foot in the door.
Howard said the reality of what you missed in Miami is that JD was crying down there when he went to bed at 6. He said that he gets word about things that go on down there. He said that some of the staff wondered if they were invited down there. He said that was a real fun shindig. He said they were hanging with Scott Greenstein down there. He said it was insane. He said that Scott looks good. He said he lost some weight and got in shape. Robin said she saw him at the Eddie Vedder concert and she thought he looked great. Howard said it's very exciting.
Howard said he had fun with Scott down there. He said he's been there longer than they have. He said he brought them in. He said he sees how much fun he is.
Howard said in Miami he took Ross Zapin out to dinner. He said they both wanted it to be over.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the Fallons and Kimmels and what's going on with them. Howard said they were all in an email chain and he said he knows it's no fun at his house. He said the only rule was that it was COVID and he wanted them to stay around the house. He said he didn't think that they should go visit anyone. He said it's a lot to prepare for people so he had a set schedule for eating. He said it must have been too much for them.
Howard said he had rules about testing. He said it's really not a lot of rules. He said once you're in you can have fun. He said he just knows that people who hang with him don't appear to have fun. Robin said it is a very relaxing weekend. Howard said thank you. He said she hasn't been back either. He said she stays home.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Jennifer Aniston said she went over there once and she had to tunnel out like it was Shawshank. She said she has never seen so many rules. She said she just threw up when Adam Sandler asked how it is hanging out with Howard Stern.
Howard said he didn't need to hear that. He said she hasn't been back either. He said Jimmy brought her once and she hasn't been back.
The caller said he's sure that it was lights out by 6 too. Howard said he likes to be in bed by 8. He said Jimmy and everyone else was staying up. He said he got up and blew out all of the candles one night and his wife asked what he was doing. Howard said he didn't want them leaving the candles going. He said Jimmy said they hadn't had enough candle. Howard said he likes to stick to a schedule. He said Jimmy sent him a big gift saying that they didn't have enough candle. He said he got berated for days after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hates people and his house sounds delightful to him. He asked if Jimmy's slot is open. Howard said absolutely. He said he wishes he could get invited to someone's house that's like his. He said he hates going to other homes where there are no rules. He said it's like anything goes. He said he needs structure. The caller said he wouldn't even know he's there. He said he doesn't give a fuck about the rules.
Howard said he's just very different. He said he hasn't gone anywhere in 3 years and he still doesn't want to go anywhere. He said when you come to his house he hands you a binder of rules. He said you can read it all weekend. The caller said he's all good. He said he'd be fine with that.
Howard said Jimmy flew out from California to visit and he gets there and wants to go out. He said they just got there and they want to leave. He said Beth seems to feel that he drove them away. He said he probably did. He said Molly complains about working so hard and she can come there and sit still and relax. He said they want to go to the Fallons and nothing is going on over there that's not going on there. He said they can go over there and get COVID. He said they can come there and stare at the wall with the candles.
Howard said he hates candles. He said he took Beth out the other night and she was so excited to go out. Robin said she told her that she doesn't even know where her purse is because they never go out.
Howard said he hates candles and one year they sent out gifts and they were candles. He said they almost burned down Ozzy and Sharon's house with their gift candle. He said they're not good. He said everyone goofed on him after he blew them out. He said they're all drinking and you know they're going to forget to blow them out.
Howard said they say that many fires are started by candles left lit. He said that's not going to happen to him. He said he had anxiety but they don't think about that. He said his wife was furious about that. He said that she went off on him about him going to bed and blowing out the candles. He said no one even knew that they were going.
Howard said maybe that's what they mean when they say there are too many rules. Howard said he was reading an article in the paper about something where this group of people were on a bus and the bus crashes. He said then they're laying there half unconscious. He said they landed on a bee's nest and the bees killed like 8 people. He said that's what this is like. He said the candle was going and no one was even paying attention to it. He said he just blew it out. He said then it became a whole thing. Robin said Howard goes to stay at a separate location and visits the friends. Howard said yeah. He said he stays in a different house. He said he didn't want to hear the shenanigans going on.
Beth came in and asked what he was talking about. Howard said he was talking about the Jimmy and Molly thing. Beth said she heard. She said things would be different this year. She said people can come and they can go out. Howard said he thinks that bus has driven away and gone over the bee's nest. He said he thinks Jimmy has had enough of him. He said he thinks they realize he's not fun. Beth said that's so heart breaking. She said she loves them and their kids. She said it's so fun. Howard said it's fun for Beth but not for them.
Howard said when people get to hang with him just look at what happens. Beth said she was invited to a girl's trip and Howard put a stop to that. Howard said he did not. Beth was laughing. Howard said he blew out the candle. Beth said she's never seen Jimmy laugh so hard. Howard said he thinks they're done. He said they know who he is now. He said they put in their time. He said they think it's fun to hang around him and Beth knows he's not fun. Beth said he's not fun but he is interesting. Howard said they just have too many rules. Beth said the rules are gone. Howard said they're not going anywhere.
Howard said he's really not fun. He said Beth knows. He said she was there in Miami. Beth said they did go out to dinner. She said they invited Ross out so someone could see her dressed up. Howard said no one could wait to get that dinner over. Beth said she was having fun. She said she was drinking. She said that she had a party by herself. She said they did have sex that night. Howard said she looked great at dinner. He said she was willing so they did it. Beth said she was ready for action and she was a little tipsy. Howard said they did miss some of the game but you can come right back in. He said they had some fun for a few minutes. Beth said Howard was so much fun.
Howard said he has fun for brief periods of time. Beth said she feels like she interrupted. Howard said it's fine. Beth said it's so hot in there. She said they had dinner the other night and Howard had this big sweatshirt on and it was hot in there. She said that people were showing up and they were sweating. She said that one of the wives asked if they can put the air on. She said Howard is doing just fine. She said she felt like she was having a hot flash. Howard said they won't be back. He said one woman passed out but they revived her. Howard said Florida is pretty hot right now. He said it was 83 yesterday. He said they're coming home soon.
Howard said he's always cold. He said they did get some feedback that the people weren't that happy. He said he was comfortable. Beth said if Jimmy and Molly ever come again they're going to survey them to find out how it was. Howard said they're never coming again.
Beth said her brother didn't even want to come visit. Howard said when the kids come they have to do something fun there. He said that they might light a candle. Beth said some friends got them a poster that says ''Please Leave by 9.'' Howard said people are just jealous of their fun. He said that they have this incredible love. He said he loves being with her. Beth said it's just you and me and all of the animals.
Howard said this is why it's funny that Ronnie was complaining that he wasn't coming to his wedding. Beth said he should be relieved that he's not coming. He said everyone is always worried about Howard. She said it's better that they don't go to weddings and things. Howard asked Beth to not light any candles. Beth said they have the ones you turn on now. She said that they're not fun. Howard asked if she really feels that way. Beth said it's not. She said they're not real. Howard said they look so real to him. Robin said she has them and they don't look real.
Howard said he sucks the fun out of everything like a vampire. He said he feels bad that Jimmy and Molly don't enjoy themselves there. Beth said she was on an email chain that was accidentally sent to her. She said that's how they found out about there being too many rules. Howard said there are too many rules there. He said he'd still want to test everyone. Beth said they didn't test their dinner party visitors. Howard said he thought they did. Beth said not at all.
Howard said they're going to do the dating game thing now. He said he has to take a break. He let Beth go and then answered a knock at the door. It was fake Joe Pesci who wanted to date Sam's mom. Howard lasted a few seconds with that before closing the fake door on him.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he wrote that song. He said that Jewell covered it. He said he wrote that in 6th grade. He said he didn't write the Foghat song.
Howard said it's time to play Woo Sam's Mom. He said he has an intro to give here. He said in case you don't remember they met Kathy about a month ago and they were comparing Uber ratings. He said Sam said that her mom was the reason for her low Uber ratings. He said that's how they met Kathy. Howard played a clip from that day when Kathy came on to talk about what happened there.
Howard said they ended up talking about Kathy's sex life after that. He had a clip of Sam talking about finding her mom's vibrator and how it wasn't clean when she found out. Howard said Sam wants her mom to fine true love. He said she told her she was trying to get her on the senior Bachelor show. He said that show hasn't come around yet. He said maybe no one is interested in watching old people date. He said nobody cares.
Howard said all he knows is that they're going to help Kathy find someone by playing Woo Sam's Mom. He said they have three bachelors and they had a lot of people write in to get into the game. He played the theme song for the game.
Howard said they're going to meet Sam and her mom Kathy. He said that Sam works on the show. He said Sam's mom looks very youthful. He said he gets why guys want to date her. Robin said they all loved her personality too. Howard asked how Sam is feeling. Sam said they didn't plan on dressing like this but they ended up in the same black clothes. She said she's feeling excited for her mom. She introduced her to Howard. Howard said she was very good on the air when she came on. He said it served her well. He said they heard from so many guys who want to go out with her. He said that's including their old Ronnie. He said he was turned on by her.
Howard said Sam was getting emotional this morning. Sam said she has always wanted to work on the show and it was a dream of her's. She said she has to pinch herself. She said she's just so grateful. She said she was moved. She said her mom is up there with her. Sam said it's an incredible job. She said she's stuttering less already.
Howard asked Kathy what she's thinking. Kathy said thanks to him for having her. She said she thinks so anyway. Howard said they have to get this going and find her a guy. He said they weeded out the perverts he thinks.
Howard said Sam's parents split when Sam was 4. Her dad died in 2019. He said that Kathy talked to her about sex early on. He said Sam said that was in middle school. He said that her mom told her to wear a thong in middle school so there wouldn't be a panty line. Howard said both Ronnie and Gary said that they would like to date her.
Sam asked who she would want to date, Ronnie or Gary. Kathy said that's a tough one. She said that Ronnie seems to have more fun. She said she might go with him. Howard said wait until Ronnie hears that. He told Ronnie that he beat out Gary. Ronnie said okay cool. He said he knows that he'd have fun with her.
Howard said Sam thinks that Kathy is too picky. Ronnie said not really because she picked him. Howard said she likes how adventurous he is. Kathy said he seems to have a good time. Gary said that he thinks that she'd be exhausted with Ronnie after a week. He said he's got a lot of energy.
Howard said Kathy hasn't had sex in the past 5 years. He said that she's ready to go. Sam asked if she had something going on back then. Kathy said she was in a relationship. Sam said her mom is kind of picky. He said that she should be but she can't be too picky. She said she doesn't know what she's missing out on. Kathy said it's different now. She said that you don't meet people organically now. She said it used to be that people would meet through people. She said that now you have to grab someone quickly when their spouse passes away.
Robin asked if she didn't date anyone in the past 5 years. Sam said that her mom would go on the apps and point out how bad the guys all looked. She said that she didn't even think about the bald guys. She said she had to get her to consider them at least.
Howard said Kathy's rules are no hair dye, no one cheap, no one too young. He said he thinks they stuck in her age group.
Howard said she had bad boyfriends over the years. He said she had one called the Evil Demon who said that he liked to dress as a woman and he never did it in front of her. Howard said that guy turned her off. He said the guy showed her metal rods he shoved up his pee hole. Sam didn't seem to know about that. Kathy told Howard about them being put up his penis. She said she thought it was so sick and disgusting. She said the guys had to look it up during the pre-interview. She said it was a video that he showed her. She said it was little pins that you line up like jewelry. Howard asked how long they lasted. Kathy said that was too long. Sam said he broke up with her though. Kathy said he did but it was too long.
Sam was asking her mom about the guy and if she can set the scene for them. She was stuttering trying to get the words out asking her to tell them about this thing. Kathy said they were on the bed and the guy was very involved with himself. She said he was sitting there showing her what was happening. She said he had a pretty big penis. She said he was just sitting there cross legged and he bends over and puts his penis in his own ass. Sam asked if he was pumping it in. Kathy said he was just showing it in there. She said she doesn't remember what happened after that.
Howard asked Sam how her dream job is going. Sam was still in shock over what she just heard. Howard said he's not sure what this guy wanted her to do. Kathy said she thinks that guy was very ill. Sam asked if she asked him what he could do with his penis. Kathy said she just sat there and watched. Howard said he thinks that Sam is asking why she sat there with this freak. Kathy said she had her own issues. She said she may have not wanted to be alone or he looked like the fantasy guy.
Sam asked about the guy sticking a dildo up his own ass and if she watched. Kathy said she must have. She said she doesn't remember all the details. Sam was asking about if the guy was fucking himself with the dildo on all fours. Kathy said she doesn't remember it all. She said she thinks that he loved himself or loathed himself. She said he may have asked her something.
Robin asked when they had sex. Kathy said that it was a lot. She said they had sex all the time. She said that it wasn't every day but when they saw each other they did. She said it was all about him though. Howard said Sam's mom has a wilder life than she does. Sam said she has a wild life too.
Sam asked her mom how she didn't say anything to the guy about the metal rods thing. Kathy said she may have lacked self confidence at the time. Howard asked if she introduced this guy to Sam. Kathy said she did of course.
Howard said Kathy had another boyfriend who wanted to cum in a tiny porcelain dish. Kathy said that Sam's father was very normal and he never wanted to do anything like this. She said he was a good guy. Howard asked about the guy who wanted to do this porcelain dish thing. Kathy told Howard about how that came about. She said he was telling her how he wanted to cum but dribble into this tiny dish. She said he never did that but it was his fantasy. Howard said men are awesome. He said it's amazing that women date men.
Howard said he's so normal when it comes to sex. He said he sticks to the usual things with rubbing the titties and licking you down there a little bit. He said then they do it and get it over with. He said that he can't last long though. He said he shoots his load pretty quick. Sam said women don't want it to go on too long. Howard said maybe more than 15 seconds though.
Howard said he thinks the guy was a total freak and that dish thing was just testing her to see how freaky she was. Howard said that's probably just the tip of the iceberg with that guy. Sam asked about the metal rods guy and how that came up. Kathy said she was sitting on the bed when he brought it up. She said he showed her the rods and it was just the different rods and the sizes. Howard asked where you buy them. Kathy said all she could think is that they must really hurt.
Sam said her mom isn't a prude but this is some crazy shit. Howard said he thinks Sam is freaking out about this because she can't believe her mom put up with it. Sam said it makes her upset for her. She said that these guys can be freaky and kinky but no rods. Howard said these guys might be too boring for Kathy. Kathy said not at all.
Howard asked what her limits are. Kathy said it's about being intimate. She said that she wants to have the normal sex thing and appreciating each other's bodies. Sam said alright. She sounded like she'd heard enough.
Howard said Sam has said her mom has a lot of oil paintings of dogs in her house. He said that he thinks Sam thinks it's too much. Sam said her apartment is really nice but there are a lot of dog paintings. She said she was resentful of the dogs at one point. She said that her dog needed an anti seizure pill at a certain time of day and her mom would end their day and have to go home to do that. Howard said he likes that she likes the animals so much.
Kathy told Howard that one day Sam was acting like a dog when she came home one day. She said that she was very funny that way. She said it was just one time she did that. She said she is a character. She said Sam had a couple of gay boyfriends. She said one of them was quite an experience. She said that she was on the train with this one guy and he told her that he was gay. Kathy said she came home and she was crying. She said it was just terrible. Sam said that she had a couple of gay boyfriends, so?
Howard said it's fascinating. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked how freaky she would get if a man wants her to pee on him. He asked if she'd be down with that. Kathy said there's no way that's happening with her. She said that's disgusting.
Robin asked if a guy wanted to make love to her feet would she do that. Howard said King loves that kind of thing. Kathy said you can massage her feet but that's it.
Howard asked Kathy if Sam ever dated anyone that she hated. Kathy said there was one who she didn't like the way he treated her. She said that Sam picks well usually.
Howard did his game show voice and introduced the game. He had the first bachelor who was a guy who worked as a model and actor. He said this is Johnny G. He said he sees that he's a cat person. He said he has his cat there. Kathy said she's allergic to cats actually. She said she does love them though. Howard had Johnny say hello to Kathy. they said their quick hellos. Johnny said he was nervous right now.
Howard read some details about Johnny and found out he's a musician. He said he rides a Harley too. Sam said she wouldn't like her riding a motorcycle. She asked if they can put her in a sidecar or something. Johnny said they'll figure that out.
Howard asked Johnny how old he is. Johnny said he just hit 60. He said that's kind of hard to say. Howard asked what it was about Kathy that made him enter this. Johnny said that she sounded like his cup of tea. Howard asked when he was last in a serious relationship. Johnny said it needed about a year ago and it had been about 10 years. He said that he's been mostly single over his life and he's very open minded. He said women have come back for more too. Kathy said he sounds really cool. Sam said that the motorcycle thing is scary to her. She said that she likes that he's not super religious.
Howard asked Johnny about having a threesome at a pool once. Johnny told the story about how he ended up there at this hotel and how he invited this one woman out to dinner and from there it went pretty wild.
Howard said Kathy has had some wild relationships too. Kathy asked Johnny about the threesome and if it was him and two women. Johnny said yes. He said that's not an issue. Howard said that's a good check.
Howard said Johnny sounds like a great guy. He said they have bachelor number 2 now. He said this is Richard who works as a producer in the movie business. He had Richard say hello. Richard said he loves her attitude. Howard asked how old he is. Richard said he's 55. Sam said that's too young. Kathy said she's okay with 55. Richard said he's 65 then. Howard said he thought he was 59. Sam said that she's just trying to help.
Howard said he sees that Richard has a lot of movie stuff in his house. He said he has posters and stuff. Richard said one of the posters is for his movie ''Suburban Nightmare'' that will be coming out this year. He actually drove as an Uber driver to prepare for a movie he was producing. He said he wanted to get into the mind of a driver for this movie. He said he had a very beautiful passenger in his car one night and he put himself into the mind of this driver and he sniffed the back seat just to get into the mindset. He said he was just doing it for the movie.
Howard read more details about Richard's life and how he produced a record of fart sounds. Richard said he was on the show before. He said he has been on the show two times. He said he did play that on his show. Howard said this is from one of his albums. He said this is Silent But Deadly Night. He played some of the fart song. Richard said Howard helped make that album a hit.
Howard said he actually used some of his own farts. He said that Kathy appears to be turned off by it. Kathy said it's not really her thing. Sam said she is a fan of the show though. Richard said that was from 20 years ago too.
Howard said Richard has a big penis. Richard said that he has 7 inches. Kathy wrote that down. Richard asked how big her box is. He was joking of course.
Sam asked if they have announced her requirement of penis size. Kathy said that Sam asked her what a good size is. She said that she said maybe 6 or 7. She said that Sam got off the phone and she wondered if she did something wrong. She said that she said that was really big after she Googled it. Howard asked Sam why she's outraged by this. Sam said you don't need a 7 inch dick. Kathy said she just said that she looked it up and it might be too big. Sam said there's always compromises. She said that she shouldn't have a requirement.
Howard asked Johnny how big he is. Johnny said he thinks he has a completely average penis but he knows how to use it.
Howard asked Sam what she's thinking. Sam said her mom is acting a little coy. Howard said he has to get to the next contestant. He said he's a drummer and this is Danny. He asked how old he is. Danny said he's going to be 47 in July. Howard said that's not bad for Kathy but it is for Sam. Kathy said that Sam's husband and sister are close to that age. She said that might be why she's grossed out right now. Sam said Danny seems very nice. She said she's the one not being open minded today.
Howard said Danny works in landscape maintenance. He said he opened up for the Doobie Brothers. Danny said he even worked with Chubby Checker. He said they played The Twist over and over and over again.
Howard went through some things with Danny and how he has been a chubby chaser in the past. He had a 400 pound woman on a Friday and a 300 pound on a Saturday. He said he called that his 700 pound weekend. Danny said that 400 pounds was at least 400. He said they actually did it more than once that night. Sam asked if he was able to ejaculate. Danny said quite well actually.
Howard asked if he can be with someone who isn't big. Danny said he's fine with all ages and weights. He said he was with a woman in her mid 60s and that was great too. He said he has always gravitated to older women. He said Kathy sounds super smart and fun too. He said that he has been sober for 12 years now. He said he feels lucky to be here in many ways.
Howard said the game has already begun. He said that they have learned a lot about all three contestants. He said that he has to give Kathy and Sam some time to ask the guys some more questions though.
Howard had Kathy ask away. Kathy asked Johnny G to tell her if he liked his mother. Johnny said he lost his mom in 2019 about a month before the pandemic. He said they were very close. He said he is the biggest fan of women. He said he loves and adores them. He said he doesn't want to be without one.
Sam asked all three guys how they're bad boys but they won't go domestic violence on her. Howard asked Richard to go first. He said he has never had an arrest or anything like that. He said he's never hurt a woman in any way. Howard asked Danny how he's a bad boy. Danny said he can get a little rough in the sack but just slapping of the butt cheeks or something. Howard asked if Kathy likes that. Kathy said she isn't into that kind of thing that much.
Richard asked if she likes to talk during sex. Kathy said she doesn't need to talk during sex. Howard had Richard talk to her during sex. Richard was getting very graphic and Sam was freaked out by that. She said her mom was moaning during that.
Howard asked Johnny about what the one thing he won't do for love is. Johnny said he won't hurt a woman in any way. He said he would know how happy she is just by her breathing during sex.
Howard asked Danny the same thing. Danny said he won't do painful stuff and he's not into having things stuffed up his ass. Howard asked what he last porn he watched was. Danny said it was threesome porn. He said it was step mom stuff. He said you know the stuff.
Howard asked Richard what he watched last. Richard said he likes babysitter porn. He said he can imagine that he and Kathy are married and Sam is the baby sitter and they have a situation there. He said they end up having a three way. Sam asked which one that was. Richard said that was Danny. Sam said that she thinks that he's losing her. He said that's really demented. She said it's so sick dude. Kathy said that she just humiliated him. Sam said she didn't mean to do that.
Howard asked Johnny where he would finish on Kathy. Johnny said wherever she wanted hi to. Danny said he would finish inside. Richard said he would finish in the back seat of an Uber.
Howard asked Kathy to ask her questions. Kathy asked the guys to make believe they're at a dinner party and the guy has to take a shit. She said that they go into the bathroom and flush and it doesn't work, what do you do? Johnny asked if they're in a house or restaurant. Kathy said in a house. Johnny said the best thing is not to go shit in that house. Howard said he'd take a shit and blame Sam. Johnny said it hasn't happened in 60 years so it won't happen.
Howard asked Richard how he'd handle it. Richard said he'd plunge with his hand and wash very well. He said he'd make sure the shit goes down the bowl. Kathy said he's very creative.
Howard asked Danny what he would do. Danny said he'd look for a plunger. He said then he'd take the back off and see if he can fix it. He said maybe try again and if that doesn't work he would tell the host what happened. Kathy said that's the right answer. She said you tell the host and let them know that you made a doody.
Howard asked the guys what their go to song would be for making love. Johnny said it would be soft rock of some sort. Richard said that he'd put Kathy's name into the When I See Beth Smiling song. Danny said he thinks the Grateful Dead.
Howard asked if Kathy has anymore questions before they pick a winner. Kathy asked the guys if they have nice toes or toe fungus. Johnny said he has nice toes. He said there is no fungus among us. Richard said he has nice toes. Danny said he has very pretty feet.
Howard said Kathy loves dogs. He asked if you bat the dog away if it starts licking your ass during sex. Johnny said he would stay still and leave it up to Kathy. Richard said he'd spread a jar of Nutella down there and let the dog go at it. Sam said dogs can't eat chocolate. Danny said that it all depends on how far they are into it. He said he would be very nice to the dog and gently get it to find something else to do.
Howard had Ronnie come on to talk about what he's heard so far. Ronnie said 1 and 3 sound like they've been playboys. He said number 1 especially. He said he's never been in a real relationship. He said he doesn't think that's what she's looking for. He said he's not sure if he can hold that relationship. Howard asked if that's right Johnny. Johnny said he just came out of a 10 year relationship. Ronnie said he said he was in and out of that relationship. Johnny said he didn't say that was during the relationship. He said he was going out and fucking girls in between. Johnny said he's a one woman guy. Ronnie was arguing with that and saying that he wasn't a one woman guy. Johnny said he was hot and cold with that one. Sam asked if Ronnie is trying to cock block a little bit. Ronnie said not at all.
Ronnie said he thinks number 2 is the guy. He said he jokes about shit but he's talking about having relationships with her and that was all about making her happy. Ronnie said number 3 was also back and forth with women. He said he's still a young dude too. He said he's still out there playing.
Howard said he will say this. He said that Ronnie is gross and he's up to a lot of whacked out shit. Ronnie said he's not that whacked out. He said he's not trying to put his own dick in his own ass.
Howard said Ronnie seems to know about the world so what does Kathy think. Kathy said he was really listening well. She said he's intuitive. She said he really gets it. Howard asked what Sam thinks about all of this. Sam said her mind is blown. She said that she questions her judgment. She said she's done.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Flirty Gary who came on to Kathy with his funny pick up lines. At one point he said he hopes that Sam didn't stretch her out and Sam said ''Eww!''
Howard let Gary go and answered the door again. It was fake Andrew Dice Clay who was asking how he can get something going with these two. Howard let him do his thing for a minute.
Howard said he has to leave it to the guys now. He said that Ralph is on the phone too. He asked it they want to hear that. Kathy said she's open to it. Ralph said that Ronnie is nuts and number 2 is a weirdo. He said number 3 is a bit of a weirdo too. He said number 1 is the only logical choice. He said the one problem with him is that he let the dog eat his ass. Richard asked what kind of relationship Ralph has ever had. Ralph said he's creepy and he won't win. Richard said he's just having fun and living life.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Rosie O'Donnell who was putting on a deep voice trying to pick up Kathy.
Howard asked if Kathy has been with a woman at all. Kathy said never. Fake Rosie was still going on trying to pick Kathy up.
Sam said she has one question. She said that she has to ask about the dildo and if it was dirty or not. She said she thinks they have to put that to bed. Howard said that was really bugging Sam. He said that she's trying to work it all out. Howard said the dildo was found and it was not clean. Sam said it wasn't dirty, it just looked like it had a good time. Kathy said that it was not dirty. She said one of the reasons she stopped using it was because it was made out of this weird rubbery thing and it would sit in the box and it was kind of disgusting. She said it was made of cheap shit and the rubbery pieces came off. Howard asked where she got it. Kathy said she sent away for it. She said she knows it was the material. Sam said she doesn't think that's how it works. She said she doesn't think it was the thing melting on itself.
Howard said he thinks it's time to pick the winner. He said all three have put their asses on the line. Howard said he'd like to know what Kathy is thinking. Robin asked if the men have a chance to say one last plea. Howard let the guys do their thing. Johnny went first and said he wants to be her eye candy and brain candy. Richard asked if Kathy will pull his finger so his butt can blow her a kiss. Kathy laughed. Sam said it feels like too much to her with this guy. Richard said he apologizes for some of the stuff he said. He said he was on a Howard Stern high. He said he would treat her with respect.
Howard let Danny do his thing next. Danny said he thinks that it's worth taking a chance and seeing what happens.
Howard said all three have different approaches. He said this is an interesting dynamic. He said that Sam is very involved in this. He said he thinks that she's trying to influence her mom. He said only Kathy knows what's best. Sam said that she has to be involved in this because she doesn't want her ending up with a guy like the guy who shoved metal rods in his penis. Sam said she has a choice but she's going to hold off. Howard said he has a choice too. He said he's the only one who can see them. Sam said this could be bad. Sam asked if her mom has a pube length requirement. Kathy said not at all.
Howard thanked the three guys for putting in the time today. He said now it's time for one woman to make her choice. Kathy asked if she's that woman. Howard said of course she is. Howard said it's time to make your choice. Kathy said she'd like to go with number 1, Johnny G. Howard said that Sam is smiling. Johnny said she won't be disappointed. Howard said they have to meet the other two contestants first. Howard introduced Richard and showed Kathy what he looks like. Richard said he has something for her. He had a pink dildo for her.
Howard said Richard went for the sense of humor and it didn't work. Richard said that's okay. He said he made Howard laugh so that's fantastic. Howard asked if Kathy has any regrets. Kathy said he's a nice looking guy.
Howard said next up is Danny. Kathy saw him and said ''Oh!'' Howard said he's a good looking guy. Danny said Kathy is gorgeous. Sam said she would have picked Danny if he wasn't 46. She said he's very good looking and he's very open minded. She said she thinks the age difference was a lot. Kathy said he's very young but very good looking. Howard said they have a 700 pound woman for him as a consolation prize.
Howard introduced Johnny to Kathy and she said she likes the baldness. She said he reminds her of someone. Howard told him to show her his abs. Johnny did that for her. Kathy said oh man. She said his abs are better than her's. Johnny said he's all about the whole package. Howard said it seems like they're ready for their date. Johnny said they'll have a blast. He said they can go to a nice dinner or hop on the motorcycle and go to a bar or whatever. He said it's the company and not the place.
Howard asked Sam what she thinks. Sam said she thinks he's genuine and she likes his vibe. She said that his background isn't too crazy. She said she thinks they're both being a little coy. She said that she thinks that her mom is turned on by him not being so open about his wild side. Howard said he would have gone with Johnny G as well. He asked Robin if she thinks she made the right choice. Robin said she thinks so. She said she was torn between 1 and 3. She said it seems like Johnny is looking for a relationship. Johnny said he is. Kathy said that she didn't hear a word from him when he saw her for the first time. Johnny said that she was in a tiny square on his screen. They showed him a bigger shot and he said she is a very attractive woman.
Sam said she's sorry if she came off a bit rough on the guys today. She said it's tough for her. Johnny said he'll grow on her.
Howard said he wants to thank the guys for coming in today. He said he's looking forward to the date. He said he hopes this all works out. He said they're all very excited about this. He said that he has to sing a song now. He said they have to have a conclusion for the game. He sang a Miss America song parody about that being Sam's new step daddy.
Howard said thanks to everyone involved in the game today. He wrapped up with everyone and let them go. Howard asked when the date is happening. He said he can't wait for that. He said they can do their dirty, nasty stuff while they wait.
Howard said he thinks they found a love connection. Robin said it has possibilities. Howard said he thinks so. He said that was pretty exhausting. He said join them next week for Who Will Be Sam's Shrink?
Robin said she thinks the guys did a good job picking contestants. Howard said they did. He said the guys were good.
Howard said he read that AM radio is being taken out of cars now. He said that he doesn't drive a lot. He said that talk shows can be good on AM radio. He said it could make a resurgence if they had the right people on AM radio. Robin said most companies own them both and they simulcast on both stations. Howard and Robin talked about how the companies don't think about how many people they're affecting if they do stuff like this.
Howard said he thinks they can take some credit for this. He said they did say they were going to destroy radio when he left FM radio. He said 20 years later they are seeing AM radio being eliminated from the dial. Robin said they were on FM and AM when they were in Washington DC.
Howard said they say that electric car motors can interfere with AM radio signals. He said it makes it sound even worse. Howard took a call from a guy in AM radio who was just static and mumbles.
Howard said Gary was saying that his Tesla doesn't even have AM radio. He said it's not even an option. Howard said he's kind of bummed because he used to listen to a lot of AM radio. He said he can imagine Gary getting an old AM radio to listen to like he listens to vinyl.
Howard said technology has passed AM radio by. Robin said they have seen the beginning and the end of AM radio. Howard said he worked at WNTN radio in Newton, Massachusetts and he didn't get paid because he was so bad. Robin said she was on an AM station that was a day time radio station only. She said they had to be out by the time the sun went down.
Howard said the other thing he saw was that Sports Illustrated is still out there. He said that he doesn't get magazines anymore. Robin said she gets Vanity Fair but that just annoys her. Howard said Sports Illustrated used to have that swimsuit issue and they used to get a huge pile of them at K-Rock. He said it was a huge build up for who the cover model was going to be. He said it was kind of hot. He said this year there are 4 covers and one is 81 year old Martha Stewart. Howard said he can't believe they still go to the Caribbean for that stuff. He said that they should not have put her on the cover of the magazine. He said that's a place for hot chicks. He said that even some hot chicks can't get on the cover. He said the whole concept was about putting hot chicks on the cover.
Chris did his old lady voice and played Martha Stewart for a short time. Howard said Martha is a good looking woman but she does not belong on the cover of Sports illustrated's swimsuit issue. Howard asked who's going to buy that?
Howard said there's so much porn out there that the market is saturated. Robin said that there are people showing off whatever all over the place.
Howard said Mean Fox, Kim Petris and someone named Brooks Nader are on the cover. He said one of the women is trans. Gary said that's Kim Petris. Howard said the guys didn't think he had radar for that. He said he was able to pick her out of the line up. He said he was very proud of himself. He said she looked good though. Robin said she is attractive. Howard said Megan Fox floats his boat. He said he's seen her in a swim suit though. Robin said this is too much for her.
Howard took a call from Ralph who agreed that there's no reason for this to happen. He said even Megan Fox. He said no one cares. He said if she was naked on the cover that would be different.
Howard said he bought a beard trimmer and it tugs on the hair on his face. He said it's really painful. He said he might need Ralph Nader to check it out. Gary said that you have to toss that. He said he had the same thing.
Howard said Jon Hein knows. He spent a minute talking about trimming his nose hair and how shocking it is how much is in there. Jon said the nose hair trimer is a Conair. Ralph said you want to stick with Norelco. He said don't get a Just for Men thing. Howard said Ralph should just get him one. Ralph said he will have a selection for him on Monday. Howard said he has to do a tux fitting for his daughter's wedding. He said he has to stuff himself into a tux. He said his daughter is having a black tie wedding. He said he'll do whatever the girls want.
Howard said he was talking about how he has to write a speech for his daughter's wedding. He said he asked AI to write it for him. He said it wrote the shittiest speech. He said AI wont be taking over anytime soon. Robin said she read a bio that it wrote for a friend and it was brilliant.
Howard said he's going to read this AI written thing. He said it's very narcissistic. He said it must think he's a real asshole because his daughter would throw up from it. He said it's all about him and not about his daughter. He read the speech which did have a lot of details about him in it.
Howard said he should read this speech at the wedding. He asked Ralph to bring him some trimmers on Monday. Ralph said he's on it.
Howard said his shrink would ask him why he has a guy buying him shavers. He said he would tell him because he can.
Jon told Howard the nose hair trimmer is called ''Conair Man Cordless Nose Hair Trimmer.'' Howard said he had to use his nose hair trimmer the other day and this grey hair was coming straight out. He said he had to use that thing John just mentioned. Jon said there are some that don't work but this one works really well. Howard said he had like 5 in a row that didn't work. He said they made no difference at all. Robin asked if he has ear hair. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if Jon has ear hair. Jon said sure he does. He said the trimmer works on that too.
Howard asked how he cleans up the nose hair trimmer. Jon said he cleans it off with a Q-Tip. He said he doesn't use anything else on it. Howard said he thinks you should use alcohol on it to clean it. Jon said he doesn't get any wetness when he uses it.
Howard said he was trimming his pubes the other day. Fake Howard said he uses a Weed Wacker on his. Howard closed the door on him. He said that was Matt Friend who does a great Trump too. He had Matt come back on and spoke to him as Trump.
Matt said he's going to be on Family Guy doing his Howard voice in a few months. Howard said you'd think they'd ask him to do it. Matt said Howard is too expensive. He said that he'll report back to him about what it says. Howard said it appears that Matt is having more fun as Howard than he is as himself. Matt said he just needs a Beth.
Howard read some feedback about Matt's appearance yesterday and people were enjoying that. Howard said they did post a video of Matt going around and talking to the staff as Howard. He said people wrote in about that too. He said he was part of the three Trumps bit too.
Howard said that Michael Rapaport is COVID negative by the way. Fake Trump said that test was done by Dominion voting machines. He said it's fake news.
Howard had Matt doing his Ron DeSantis impression too. Howard said he didn't know anyone was doing him. Matt did more of his Howard and Howard said he's making him crazy with all of the impressions.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was another fake Ron DeSantis complaining about this fake Ron DeSantis. Howard let the two of them go back and forth for a minute.
Howard said he's impressed with both of them. Howard said fake DeSantis number 2 is Austin Nasso. He had him do more impressions together. They both do Trump so they were doing a dueling Trump thing together. They both broke into Obama impressions too.
Howard let he two go at it for a few minutes. He said he feels like he's watching two superstars. Howard asked Austin about how he does his Trump thing. Austin explained how he does his impression. Matt told Howard his way of doing the impression by mispronouncing words a lot. He demonstrated how that works.
Matt said he loves doing Mitch McConnell too. He did some of that impression and put on some glasses. He did his Austin Butler impression too.
Austin did some of his Biden impression for Howard. He said he just goes off on these tangents that are crazy. He said he does a lot of Zuckerberg too. He said he's trying to be a human being. He did that impression for Howard as well.
Howard said he's right about that impression and how he's trying to be human. Matt said a lot of tech guys are like that. He did his Bill Gates impression for Howard.
Howard said it's a lot of fun watching these two guys. He said Austin also does the Joe Pesci impression. He did some of that for Howard.
Matt said with Andy Cohen he asked what he thinks about this impression he does of him and he complimented him and people online thought that they fucked after he posted Andy's kind words about his impression.
Howard said he heard that Austin does a Sebastian Maniscalco impression. Austin said hat's not him. Howard said that's actually Matt. Howard had him do that.
Howard had Rachel Butera come on with her impressions. She did her Sharon Osbourne impression and her Rosie. Howard let her do a few of her impressions to show off her talent. She did her Jennifer Aniston, Sharon, Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie impressions.
Howard thanked the guys for doing their thing. They wouldn't stop. Howard asked how you get out of this. He thanked them again but they wouldn't shut the fuck up so he closed the fake door on them.
Howard said they have a lot more to talk about. He said Eric Andre will be on the show tomorrow. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard said that he has an example of how crazy he is. He said Eric just turned 40. He said he has this show he does and he does really crazy shit. He said the show is on Adult Swim. He said Eric for his birthday he has a party that he sells tickets to. He said it's a show. He said he has to ask about this. He said he puts it together and it's a huge party in a building. He said it's nuts. He said JD and Blitt went to it. He asked how they describe it. Blitt said that it was in a giant loft in Queens. He said they revamped the whole place. He said it was like Mad Max on meth. He said it was an interactive event and next level shit.
Howard said he used to do a show at Club Bene. He said they didn't have the ability to remake the place over. He said they had a dinner setting and he had to do the show. He said it was a prom show. He said this was a one shot deal that would have cost him a fortune. He asked how many people were there. Blitt said there were maybe 3500 people there. He said that he started doing this when he started his show. Howard asked if he owns the building. Blitt said it's just the party. Howard asked how much they charge to get in. JD said maybe 60 or 70 bucks a ticket. Howard asked how much money that is for 3500 people. He asked because he's not good at math. JD said it's like 210,000 or something. Blitt said it's maybe 245,000. Howard said he has to pay for the facility. He said it's in Queens so maybe there's a break but he thinks it has to be 100 grand. Blitt said he thinks it's more like 25 grand.
Howard said he's not sure how he puts this together. He said it sounds nuts. Blitt said they have a promoter doing it. He said there's all kinds of things going on there. They have sponsors too.
Howard said they pack the place with all kinds of stuff. He said they have a torture room and a naked guy covered in sushi. Blitt said you can eat off of him. He said JD was rude to him and didn't eat off of him. He said the guy was offended. He said it was too good for him. JD said it was very awkward because the guy was wrapped in Saran wrap.
Howard asked if the guy was good looking. JD said not really. He said he was hairy. Blitt said he was bald with a beard. Howard asked if there were hot chicks there. JD said there were a lot of hot girls there. Blitt said there were hundreds according to JD. JD said a lot of people like to dress up. Blitt said there were people with blow up dolls and stuff.
Howard said it sounds like one big accident ready to happen. He read about some of the wacky stuff he has there. Howard said JD and Jon went to cover this thing. He said it's a 40th birthday party. He said he has some clips to play. He said they can fill in. JD said they walked around the place for a long time. JD said they were there like 12 hours. Robin asked how long it lasts. JD said they say it goes until 3-4am. He said Eric got on the stage and asked who wants to watch the sun rise with him. He said he thought he was going to have to stay.
Howard said they went into the torture room and it was guarded by a woman with a bull whip. He played a clip of JD and Jon arguing about going in.
Howard said it sounds like JD and Jon have a bit of a Sub-Dom kind of relationship. Jon and JD talked about how weird it was.
Howard said there's another room where they were doing some weird stuff. He said JD enjoyed this. He said it brought him peace. They were dragging stuff around on the floor of this place. Howard played a clip and JD was laughing while this weird noise was being made. JD said they were just dragging a trumpet on the floor. He said it was funny. Jon said it tickled JD's mind and body. Howard played more of the sound and JD laughing at it.
Howard said that's the noise room. He said he could have left JD there. JD said there was a security guy who had to stand there the whole time. He said he felt bad for him. Howard said he thinks that's the noise JD hears in his head 24/7. JD said it's close.
Howard said Eric is in a band called Snack Time. He said he is an accomplished musician. He said he was a bass player. He said he hit the stage and he had a giant tank of nitrous and he took hits off of that while he addressed the crowd. He played some audio of Eric doing that and talking about how all of the stuff there is therapeutic.
Howard said he had that crowd going. JD said you heard his voice go deep and that's when he did the nitrous. Howard said he can't be making any money on that gig. He said the insurance alone has to be a lot.
Howard said Eric invited everyone to join him on stage. Blitt said it was insane. He said it was a nightmare for security. Howard said he did a live show 100 years ago at the Nassau Colosseum. He said that Leslie West invited everyone to the stage and that can cause a surge to the stage. He said they put a stop to it. He said Eric is crazy.
Howard played a clip of Eric telling the crowd that Donald Trump just died. Then he invited everyone up on stage. He said the barriers represent the old regime. JD said people were swarming like that movie World War Z. He said then they cleared the stage and Eric was looking for his nitrous tank. He said he was asking where it was and it may have been stolen.
Howard said he loves that they invited everyone up there and they spent the rest of the night trying to clear the stage. Blitt said the promoter said that they were going to shut it down if he did that again. He said it really was insane. JD said they did a crowd surfing thing and then the crowd followed him out. Howard said it's like a fun version of the January 6th insurrection.
Howard said Jon and JD got to interview Eric after that big set on stage. He said Eric was in full party mode. He said this guy is out of his mind. Howard played a clip where they were asking Eric about the show and how it was going. Eric said all of his orifices were open. He said they had to get JD on some Ketamine or something that night.
Howard asked if the girls were going wild over JD. Blitt said there were a lot of Harmeyer heads there. He said they were getting stopped a lot there. JD said it was all guys stopping them.
Howard said Eric is a big fan of the show and he was making a lot of references to the show. He played a clip of Eric telling Jason to get big again. He said Sal has to rip his hair plugs out. He said he hates Kansas City. He said Robin is a beautiful queen. He said Fred is a genius. Howard said that guy is a mad genius. Robin said he's definitely mad.
Howard said Eric sang on stage all night and it was more like screaming. He played a clip of Eric singing a few songs.
Howard said when he wakes up the next morning it must be inane. Blitt said he may have slept for 3 days after that. Howard said he should be playing this while he's there. He said he won't be in until 9.
Howard played more of Eric singing. He asked what a ticket cost again. He asked if the whole band was high or just Eric. JD said it may have just been Eric.
Howard said this is like their prom shows but on steroids. He said he took it to a whole other level. He said they were doing the fake prom thing and this one guy got up and he was dressed like a woman. He said they took a high heel and shoved it up a guy's ass. Robin said she was speechless.
JD said they had some impersonators there and they had no idea what they were supposed to do there. He said Eric had some guys puking in garbage cans and stuff. Blitt said it's like Howard's worst nightmare. Howard said it sounds like fun. He said the prom show they used to throw was fun. He said they would serve dinner. Robin said they had food fights and it really was people out of control.
Howard said they used to do 4 prom shows in a weekend. He said they were doing it for maybe 1000 people. He said that he's an amateur compared to Eric. JD said later in the night Eric was pacing around and he had to hold him still to interview him.
Howard said Eric closed the show by tucking his penis between his legs and singing the Reading Rainbow song. JD said he did it at the beginning and the end of the show. Howard said he knows he can do that because people will see his big, thick dick. JD said that's true. Howard played a clip of Eric doing the dick tuck thing.
Howard said what a maniac. He said JD and Jon spoke to him later in the night. Blitt said he was on another planet. Howard played a clip and Eric was talking about how wasted he was and talked to the guys about what they were doing that night. Eric said he is so fucked up.
Howard said he has to talk to Eric about all of that. He said he read something in the NY Times about this woman who was a law student and all of that. He said when she was around 18 or something her heart was enlarged and she had to get a heart transplant. He said she got two transplants. He said she had to take drugs for the transplant and she got cancer from the drugs. He said he read that with fascination. He said today he read her obituary. He said she knew she was going to die and she wrote this article about it. He said her obituary is in the paper today. He said that he was listening to Eric and he thinks he's fun and funny but he abuses his body. He said it reminds him of Johnny Knoxville. He said he has a feeling they have a death wish. Robin said she was thinking the same thing about how crazy it is.
Howard said it is funny but he doesn't want anything happening to him. He said that JD was cracking up at it all. JD said you have to think about living in the moment and all of that. He said he's living his best life.
Howard said he's going to talk to Eric when he comes in. He said he was thinking about how he had to do anything for a laugh when he was younger. He said you get older and think about how you didn't have to do all of that. He said he has to talk to him about nitrous and all of that too. He said it's reducing oxygen to the brain and it can lead to organ damage. Robin said that it really is brain cells dying. She said that they might not do it if they knew that.
Wolfie said that Stefan also has a fetish that he might be interested in learning about. Stefan said he's a cum dumpster and he likes to take a bunch of guy's loads. Howard said he's not getting it. He asked Wolfie to explain. Wolfie said that he once had 32 guys cum into his ass.
Howard said that he'd be afraid of getting AIDS or something. Stefan said that you can take stuff for that and most of the guys aren't detectable. Howard said you can't fuck with your health. He said he read this woman's story. He said it sounds like a death wish. Stefan said it's really not. He said that he is HIV positive himself. Howard asked if he tells guys ahead of time. Stefan said he does. He said he'll put an ad up and let people know what the story is. He said he asks for guys to go into him bare back.
Howard said there's a lot to know there. Stefan told Howard about what some of the other guys fetishes are.
Howard asked Stefan if his shit ever looks like toothpaste. Stefan said actually it does. He said that's after a long night. Howard said he's not worried about COVID right. Stefan said he's vaccinated and has the boosters.
Wolfie told him to tell Howard about the toy they use. Stefan said a lot of guys there had really big dog dicks or horse dick dildos. Howard asked what that is. Stefan said they do have some giant dildos and they plow each other there. Howard said he really loves anal. He said it's like it's his life.
Wolfie asked about the fetus toy. Stefan said that's his favorite. He said it's a fetus that you put into a guy and he shits it out like it's being born. Howard said there's something useful. He said women say they don't know what it's like to give birth but now Stefan does.
Robin asked how you feel after 32 guys have shot a load into you. Howard said he can answer. He said after many years of karate you get your black belt and that's how it feels. He asked what happens with this asshole. He said it must just flop out. Stefan said he has a routine for cleaning out and all of that. He said he can take Imodium and that will keep your butt hole clean for a few hours.
Robin asked if he has a rose bud asshole. Howard asked what that is. Wolfie said that's the prolapsed anus.
Howard said this is irresponsible behavior of you ask him. He said it's a lot of loads he's taking in his ass. He said that's quite something.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if they can please stop. He said it's vile and too early for this stuff. He said have him on around 3. Howard said he makes Eric's birthday party seem like a tea party. Ralph asked what is wrong with this guy.
Stefan said he has a book out and that's why he was at the Fist Fest thing. He got in a plug for the book but his phone was so muffled that I didn't catch it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Dice Clay was there joking about all of this stuff with Stefan.
Howard let Dice go and said this was some wild stuff they heard. Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Ron DeSantis who didn't say anything funny and just did an anti-gay rant as DeSantis.
Howard thanked Stefan for calling in. Robin asked if Howard ever asks what is wrong with men. Howard said he asks himself that every day. He said there is something very wrong. He said this whole world is an accident. He said by some chance we're here on this earth. He said you get to 2023 and there are guys taking 32 loads in their ass. He said that's the absurdity of this whole thing. He said the world was created just so this guy can take 32 loads in his ass.
Howard let Stefan go. He said he thinks that might be enough of that. He said maybe Ralph was right. Howard laughed and said Wolfie covers this stuff. Robin said they might have to follow Wolfie. She said he's exposed to an awful lot of stuff and he has to be affected. Howard said they test him every month to make sure he hasn't gone off the deep end.
Howard asked Wolfie what he used to do. Wolfie said he was in travel in he corporate world. He said he was at a dinner one night and his boss was across the table from him and asked if he likes comedy. He said he asked if he listens to the Howard Stern Show. He said he had been working for the show for years. He said that he thought he knew that. He said he had to pull him aside and let him know that he is the guy who he think is on the show. He said that was the night that he let him know what he was doing on the side.
Howard said it sounds like he was impressed with him. Wolfie said his boss had to talk to H.R. about it. He said he thought he was going to get fired the next week. He said he asked his boss what was going on and he said he thought about it and he didn't know how to explain to H.R. what was going on.
Howard said now we have 81 year old people eon the cover of Sports Illustrated and it's just nuts. He said they're now invading his Bachelor world. He said we don't need a senior bachelor.
Howard said he thought it was so hot that Emily Ratajkowski wants to hook up with a woman. He said Miley Cyrus dabbles in that sometimes. He said he could set them up. He said lets get some players for this game. He said maybe Bella Thorne and Anitta. He said they can get women like that. Robin said that would be some red hot dating game. Howard said maybe Kristen Stewart too. He said she might be into that.
Howard read Emily's statement about who she's looking to date. Howard said it's hot. He asked about Rachel Maddow and Emily. Robins said Rachel is in a long term relationship. Howard said that could change. He said he's sure Emily Ratajkowski could wreck some long term relationships.
Howard had Jon come on to talk about what he thinks the reasons are for them closing. Jon said that their quality control wasn't very good. He talked about some of the stuff they've done over the years and how it just doesn't work.
Jon said they can turn it around if they do a better job of cleaning up and simplifying their menu. He said they have some things like onion rings that other places don't. Howard said that's fine but he's having fries if he goes out.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jon about all of that. He said that they should talk to Jon about it and maybe they can work something out. Jon said he did talk to someone from Burger King and they told him they had it all worked out and they were going to be fine. He said now they're closing 400 stores.
Howard said they were talking to the staff about this earlier and three of the guys had the black bun at Burger King and they had green shit the next day. Gary said he had a green bagel one day and he thought he was going to die when he saw his shit the next day.
Howard said he was a Roy Rogers guy when he was doing fast food. Jon said they did have some good stuff there. Howard asked what happened to them. He said he and Robin used to love going to those restaurants. Gary said he thinks there's still a few around. Jon said they were trying to bring it back in Maryland. He said there are some in the northeast. Howard asked what happened to them. Jon went into his explanation about what went wrong there.
Howard said he was a big fan. He said he would have put money on them to make it. He said that's why he doesn't fuck with the stock market. He said he'd lose it all. Robin said just go with McDonald's. She said Chipotle is another one. Howard said he can't be seen there. He said people would be confused if he went to one.
Howard had Erik on the phone and asked what his handicap is. Erik said he just plays and he has no handicap. He said he just plays for fun. He talked about hitting the ball and it turns out he was just hitting balls or something. Gary said Erik ran into his friend the other day at the golf course. Erik said he was there just hanging out. He said he wasn't there playing. Howard said there's no way he's hitting the ball 189 yards. Howard asked if Erik ever falls down because he's off balance. Erik said never.
Howard asked the guys about the other Wack Packers and who could die next. Gary said that Jeff the Drunk seems like he'll live to be 100. Chris said that he used to talk to Jeff a lot but he quit the show. Howard said Jeff quit the show because he didn't pick up when he called in during the Bruce Springsteen interview. He said he really thinks that he should have picked up. Chris said he's really done with the show now. He said he did the same thing with Mick Jagger and other people. Howard said that's why he loves Jeff so much. He said he's so wacky that he thinks he should have talked to him when Bruce was there. He said he thinks that he should be on during a Bruce Springsteen interview.
Chris said Jeff doesn't have the show now and he's always going in for procedures and things. He said he falls a lot and stuff like that. He said he can see him doing something and going in a flash. Howard said he hates it when they die because they're running out of Wack Packers. He said they're not replenishing them. He said maybe with the anti abortion laws they'll get more in the future.
Gary said he thought Jeff was 68 when he was only 50. He said he was shocked that he was that young. Howard said they found Marfan Mike but then he died on them. He said he wasn't in the Wack Pack for long. He said he had just gotten in and he died. Chris said he had him and Elephant Boy too. He said if you're on his beat then you're screwed.
Howard said he can't believe that Elephant Boy is gone. He said he was shocked by that. Howard said he really was hard to understand. He said Marfan was too. He did his impressions of both of them. Howard said he thinks that Elephant Boy was a little more difficult to understand. Chris said he told stories and stuff and you'd only catch every 8th or 9th word. Howard said Elephant Boy loved to talk even though he had that speech impediment. He said he wasn't sure if he could keep going with his stories.
Howard asked Erik who he thinks will go next. Erik said hopefully no one. Erik had a story to tell. Howard said he knows what's going on. Erik said that he has North Shore Animal league coming to his house today. Erik said he had a cat and kittens by his window yesterday. He said there were maybe 6 or 7 kittens there. Howard said Erik is now a hero because he's getting the cats to North Shore. He said Beth is going to get them homes. He said he's proud of Erik. Erik said he can't have cats because he'll get banned from the show. Howard said that's right. He said no cats or dogs or even plants. He said he can't have anything like that.
Howard said Erik did the right thing. He said now he's a hero. Erik said the first thing he did was email Gary and he helped get to North Shore. Howard said let him know how it goes. He said he's a hero. He told Gary to send him a trophy. Gary said he'll send him 2.
Howard said Erik is doing the right thing. He said he's his hero. Erik said he's not sure what's going to happen and why they're going to put the mom back there. Howard said she's probably feral and they're going to take care of it all. He said don't worry about it. He said they're going to handle it. He said he's a good man. Erik said he loves Howard. Howard said he's very proud of him. He said thanks for dropping a problem on other people's laps. He said he's like an obese Mother Theresa.
Howard said he won't even tell the story there. He said you just have to keep telling Erik that he's a hero. He said they have to keep him happy and get the cats.
Gary said there's nothing worse than Erik being in control of something. Howard said this story is going to be great when he can tell it. He said they have to save those cats first. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Real Morons of Miami could go on for hours. He thanked Andy for being a part of that. Howard asked if Robin remembers White Lion. Robin said sure she does. She said that lead singer was very attractive. Howard said he was a handsome guy. He said this was a good song. He read some details about the song.
Howard said they broke up in 1991 which was 4 years after this song came out. Howard said he thinks Grunge came out and they were a hair band. Robin said he had flowing locks and wore leather all the time. Howard said his name was Mikey Tramp.
Howard said that's a talented guitar player there. He said his name was Vito. He said like Burger King they're out of business. Howard said he's not sure what they're up to now.
Howard said he wanted to play something. He said there's all of this backlash to this trans stuff. He said he was reading something the other day about a company that used a trans person. He said that it was Sports Illustrated. He said people are upset about it. He said he just doesn't understand being upset about it. He said there's no reason to get so upset. He said people are freaking out about Bud Light. He said that they're blowing up cans of Bud Light over a trans thing. He said he thinks they'd rather be running over a trans person but they can't because they'll go to jail.
Howard said someone said he's woke because he has no problem with this trans stuff. He said that's fine. He said he doesn't care if someone wants to get their dick cut off and become a woman. He said we're only here for a little bit of time. He said if you're lucky you live 100 years and the last 10 years are really shitty. He said you're going to beg for eternal rest.
Howard said he's only here for a short time and he feels the same for anyone who is born. He said if it makes them happy then why does he care if they're trans. He said it's not affecting him at all. He said some companies have trans people representing them. He said Hunter Shafer is one who doesn't seem to have any backlash. He said this Dylan Mulvaney has a lot of backlash. He said he's not sure why. He said it doesn't bother him.
Robin said Salmon Rushdie was attacked on stage and now he's blind in one eye. She said he had to hide for years over a book he wrote about being Muslim. She said he just got an award and he said that he can't believe what's going on in this country. Robin said they want to ban books and revise children's books. Robin said we have to be on the cutting edge of things here but we can't do that if this is going on.
Howard played a compilation of people destroying Bud Light that they found on social media.
Howard said that's going on. He said there's a report that says that murders of trans people have doubled over the past few years. Howard said trans people are having a shitty life so don't make it worse.
Howard said they had some fun with this because they're about fun on this show. He said the boys made a prank call and they called a Tradio like show. He said they called in with some Bud Light memorabilia to see how they'd react. Howard played the call and Richard called in with his Bud Light stuff. The host went off about Dylan Mulvaney and how he understands why this guy is getting rid of his Bud Light stuff. He was getting rid of anything with the word Bud or light in it as well.
Sal called in after Richard and said that they're selling this Bud Light stuff so he's not going to call the show anymore. After that they took another call from Mike Pearlman who said he's going to drink Bud Light now. He did that and then they played Richard Simmons singing. Then they took a call from fake Donald Trump who was selling some Trump water and they were going to spray down a gay parade with that to turn everyone straight. The host put up with it all for a bit and then had to do a commercial.
Howard said that was interesting. Robin said the guy knew about the Dylan Mulvaney thing but he was defending the guy who was selling his stuff. Howard said the thing with Dylan is that she's kind of annoying. He said that might be the reason people are upset but he really doesn't care. He said he just goes on with his day. He said maybe he is woke but who cares. He asked why anyone would care about this Dylan Mulvaney thing.
Howard took a call from fake Dylan Mulvaney who sounded a lot like Mike Pearlman just doing his regular voice. He was spitting and talking about how she had to go take a monster shit.
Howard said how about Mike playing the part of Dylan. He said he does Dylan impressions but not Bob Dylan.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did say that Dylan is annoying and that's the whole thing. Robin asked how they knew she was annoying before Bud Light got a hold of her. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said he has Eric Andre there so he has to move on. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about what a fabulous song that is. He said Eric Andre is a big Beastie Boys fan. He spent a short time talking about the Sabotage song and some details about that.
Howard said Eric Andre is the best looking guy he knows. He said he's got his show The Eric Andre show that's in its 6th season. He said that's starting in June. He said he and Eric talked off the air. He said he loves this show and he encourages you to watch it on Adult Swim on June 4th. He said that he loves his show and it never gets boring. He said he was talking to Jon Hein about it and Jon said that it's only 12 minutes long. Howard said he didn't know it was only 12 minutes. He said he thought it was a half hour.
Howard asked Eric about pitching the show to Adult Swim and if that was his idea. Eric said that's their format there. He said it's great. Howard said he packs in a lot in that 12 minutes.
Howard said Eric was dating Emily Ratajkowski for 10 minutes. He said he was really into that. He said he identified him as not the best looking guy in the world. He said he might have said he's not good looking. Eric said Howard said he looks like he got hit by a bus. He said he's not that bad. He said he may not be that good looking but he's not the elephant Man. Howard said that's the thing with this show. He said you can go too far and say things. He said he heard that Eric was upset about that and he let Jason know. He said he heard that from Jason. Eric said he was doing shtick. He said everything out of his mouth he regrets. He said it's part of comedy. He said it's not pretty most of the time.
Howard said Jason told him he was offended and he didn't mean anything by it. He said Jason told him in a way that it was dire. Eric said he was more flattered than anything. Howard said one of his friends said that he was really offended. He said he's not sure who it was. He said Jason heard from that friend. He said that he had to pick up the phone can call to apologize.
Howard said he was upset that Eric was upset at first. He said he called him right away and he could tell that he wasn't that upset. Eric said he wasn't that upset. He said he understands shtick. Howard said he gets why hot chicks are into him. He said he has a great for. Eric said Howard does too. He said he won that award for his hair. Howard said that was all bullshit. He said he likes his hair. He said it's got height.
Robin said she doesn't like the pulled back hair look. Eric said he had to do that to hide in public. He said people recognize him now and to do bits he has to hide.
Howard said he sees that he's wearing the Pat Riley shirt there. They spent a short time talking about the Knicks and Pat Riley.
Howard said he can't figure Eric out. He said he thinks he's fucking insane. He said he does these stunts and they're funny. He said he figures that his audience is mostly men. He said his wife sees it and wonders what the fuck he's watching. Eric said that women will say that their boyfriend is really into his show and want a picture. He said the show is very polarizing. He said that there is no story there so it doesn't to well with the gals as much as the guys. He said Bad Trip did well with the gals. He said that had a good balance. Howard said he loved that movie. He asked how that did financially for him. Eric said not that much actually. He said Dave Bernad is there with him and he has to give him some praise for saving that movie. Howard said he put a lot of work into that movie. He said it was supposed to come out in March 2020 but the world shut down and then they were going to sell it to Quibi but then they were told that Netflix didn't want it. He said they sent it to the wrong person there and then sent it to the right person there and got it on Netflix. Howard said it was funny as shit. Eric said he made zero dollars on that movie. He said it took 7 and a half years to make and he netted like 17,000 bucks on it. He said the other guys didn't make anything because it didn't come out in theaters. He said that it was the number 1 movie in the world though.
Howard said that's enough to explain why he does whip its. Eric said that movie took 8 years to make from start to finish. He said his dad got cancer the day it was supposed to debut at South by Southwest. He said that he was a mess that day. He said that movie opened up a lot of opportunities for him though.
Howard asked if he heard them talking about his birthday party stuff this morning. Eric said he did not. Howard said he really does put himself in danger and he wonders if he thinks that he has a death wish. Eric laughed. Howard asked how he can laugh at that. Eric said he hangs out with Johnny Knoxville and Sacha Baron Cohen and they have more of a death wish than he does. He said they have skewed his reality of safety a little bit. Howard said his show is like a combo of those two guys. Eric said they are a huge influence. Howard said Sacha is really amazing. Eric said he was in a bar with Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine one day and he felt like his left foot was in huge pain. He said Knoxville set his foot on fire with alcohol. Howard said the thing about that is there was no camera there. Eric said it was just a Tuesday night with no camera. He said Knoxville said that was an accident.
Howard said if a guy did that to him he'd never hang out with them again. He said they can go fuck themselves. Eric said there have been times like that. Howard said Johnny told him a story one time about him trying to break into his house. He said that he called the cops on him. Eric said that he got COVID and he was vaccinated and he wasn't doing to bad. He said he was just at home smoking pot and taking mushrooms and stuff. He said he was just hanging out doing stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't think about living to 100. He said he's just laying there doing whip its and smoking weed. Eric said quarantine made him go nuts.
Eric said he saw this guy out in his yard toilet papering his yard. He said he was threatening him with a gun and his alarm was going off. He said he was pressing his face against the window and then he realized it was Knoxville. He said that he was about the shot the guy and Johnny said that would have been great. He said it was right before the Jackass movie was coming out so it would have been great publicity for the movie.
Howard said he doesn't get how they can do all of that and not be neurotic. Eric said he is though. He said everyone thought Howard was nuts but he's in bed by 8 and he meditates and paints. He said people think he's eating out of a garbage can. He said that he does the same as Howard and meditates and has a journal and does Tai Chi. Howard said he'd think he was insane. Eric said he's both. He said that he can get nuts.
Howard said Eric did that thing in the Jackass movie where this giant thing smacks you in the face and knocks you down. He said that has to hurt. Eric said it does. He said this thing just knocks you on your ass. Howard said he'd think he got a brain injury form that. Eric said he was glad they got good footage. He said he was happy they got it and it was going to be in the movie.
Howard said Eric said that he thinks those guys are crazy because they don't experience pain. Howard said they're on a whole other level. Eric said he's doing a show with Knoxville and Kimmel. Howard asked what that is. Eric said it's called Prank Panel and they have people pitch pranks to them. He said they decide if they want to producer pranks or not. He said Knoxville is pranking him every day. He said he has something that he's hitting him with every day. He said Jeff Tremaine told him to just hit him back or he'll never stop. Eric said he has a stun gun by his bed so he goes to work with long sleeves and pants and he has this stun gun to hit him with. He said Johnny is talking to a guest and he hits him in the heart with the stun gun. He said he feels no pain so he grabs it from him and then hits him with the stun gun. He said he's got one of his own so he's lighting him up with both. He said he quit the show. He said Johnny is like the liquid Terminator. He said that he quit and Johnny begged him to come back. He said he came back and the next day he rigged a squirt gun under a table. He said he got mad and then Johnny hit him in the neck with a taser. He said that he had to quit again. He said he loves Johnny but he can't do this. He said it was just too much. He said that Johnny said no more weapons at work and they were good.
Howard asked if all of this is going to be on ABC. Eric said yeah. He said that they're going to show it all. He said they have to. Howard said you know that's going to be the best part of the show. He said those two are going to end up killing each other. He said he could have killed Johnny with the shock to the heart. Eric said he got even stronger when he did it. He said it was the scariest thing he's ever seen. He said it was like a movie.
Howard said Gabourey Sidibe is on the show and she came in with pepper spray to defend herself. Howard said Eric had to quit the show over all of that. Eric said he did because it was a nightmare. He said he can't go into his dressing room because they have things set up in there. He said it was every day. He said he won't do that stuff to Gabby so he has to deal with it. He said that he was like all 9 jackass guys getting lit up every day He said it was rough.
Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent he thought he was going to get pranked by Howie Mandel. He said he pulled him aside and told him that he can't prank him. He said that he won't put up with it. He said he told him he'll get his fans to go after him and he agreed not to do anything. Eric said if you do that to Johnny then he'll go even harder at you.
Howard asked what he thinks is wrong with Johnny. He said there's something really wrong with the guy. Eric said he found his shtick. He said he has a high pain tolerance and he loves physical comedy. He said he's the funniest stunt man that has ever existed.
Howard said Eric throws a 40th birthday party for himself. He said that he did some crazy shit at this place he rented out in Queens. He said he's not sure how he did that financially. He said he had over 3000 people there. He said it's like Disneyland for whackos.
Howard told Eric about the prom shows he used to do at Club Bene. He said that he can't possibly make money. Eric said he didn't do it to make money. He said they got a sponsor and they sold tickets. He said there was a lot of illegal stuff that he wanted to do but they can't do it now. He said they were doing this with Live Nation and they had to change things up. He said one room they had there was this room with a guy fisting another guy. He said they had a Men's room sign on the door.
Howard said Eric does some crazy stuff. He said he got so fucked up that he dove into the audience and he was on nitrous. He said he might be doing too much. Eric said his friend told him that the two most dangerous drugs you can do are alcohol and heroin. He said as long as you don't do that too much it's fine. He said the other drugs aren't as dangerous. He said his friend told him that as long as you take vitamin B12 he should be okay doing the whip its.
Howard asked if he can do a whole tank of nitrous. Eric said he has done tanks full. He said he has rented the 4 foot canisters and gone through them.
Howard asked if that scares him. Eric said he appreciates the worry but he thinks he's okay. He said he gets his blood work done every year. He said maybe he should go to a place where they scan your whole body. Howard said he went for one of those. He said they saw something on his kidney. He said he's of mixed belief. He said he knows people who have been scanned and they found stuff and saved people. He said they found a spot on his kidney and he had to have surgery. He said it was wild. He said it turns out it was just a little cyst. He said he's not sure if you should go or not.
Howard said he was impressed when he was dating Emily Ratajkowski. He said he was very impressed. He said that was awesome. He said then it ended kind of suddenly. He said that he must have been too crazy for her. He said he probably brought out the two tanks of whip its and she thought he was a mad man. Howard asked if that's what happened. Eric said that's not what happened. He said he can't tell him what happened. He said a gentleman never tells. Howard said he respects that. He said he's not asking if he's fucking her or anything. He said he can't imagine being with her because he'd finish before his penis got into her. Howard said he's not asking about any of that but he thought he was going to lock in. He said he thought he'd be going to the wedding. Howard said he must have scared her off. Eric said maybe he should be dating Robin. Robin said oh no. She said she's laughing at his TV show and she feels guilty about it. Eric said that's called falling in love.
Howard said he was envious of that Instagram post he did with Emily. He said that was wild. He said he has a big, thick cock and he can tuck it in and not worry about it falling out on stage. He said that he saw that picture with her and he knew it's because of that big cock that he can do it. Eric said Howard and Beth can do that. Howard said he can't because he has a small cock. Eric said he's sure that his cock is fine. He said it might be regular sized and he's just so tall that it looks small.
Howard said they do this Penis and Sirweiner Williams bit on the show and they have guys playing tennis with their cocks. He said they did it in front of Jaleel White. He said that he thought that he was a fan of the show and he knew. Eric said they dupe people into coming into that studio. He said they tell them the bare minimum. He said they know nothing. Eric said Jaleel had no idea he was going to see two guys playing tennis with their cocks.
Howard said that was the same show where he was jerking everything off on the set and Jaleel had no idea what was happening. Eric said he was in shock after. He said he thinks he was processing a lot of stimulus and information.
Howard asked if he has ever had a guest on who has freaked out and left. Eric said they have. He said they had TI walk out and others who weren't too happy. He said that TI was kind of walking around menacingly out in the halls after the show. Howard asked if anyone has tried to hit him. Eric said in street pranks they do but not on the show. He said that they have money on the show so they don't want to hit him.
Howard said some of the pranks they do this year are wild. He said he heard they have had the cops called more on this season than any other. He said he wanted to stage a car being driven into a parade and see the reaction. He said they put a stop to that. Eric said that was like a season 1 prank he wrote. He said he got older and realized it was too dangerous.
Howard asked who wrote the bit where he's blowing the invisible man and then eats his asshole. Eric said that was with Damond John from Shark Tank. He said that he was very uncomfortable. He said that interview was like an hour long and they can only show like a minute of it on the show. He said Damond was worn out after that.
Howard said it must get kind of scary out there doing stunts. Eric said there have been moments.
Howard asked how he got to be friends with Sacha Baron Cohen. Eric said it's a small worked with the prank people. He said they share writers and stuff. He said he got to go to a test screening once and they became buds there. Howard asked if he gets together with him. Eric said he used to play basketball with him. He said that he would go over and play with him and Sarah Silverman and people like that. He said Sacha is really good at basketball too. He said he's not a very good player himself. He said he was the only black guy on the court and he was the worst player.
Howard asked about the cops being called on him a lot. Eric said they did this one thing in New Jersey and they were doing this thing in an abandoned parking lot where they were trying to get graffiti off a wall. He said they hid this fake cop under a tarp and he was going to feed him donuts and jerk him off to revive him. He said the guy they were pranking was calling 911. He said like 50 Newark cops showed up. He said they thought an officer was down. He said he had to stop the bit and show the cops they were doing a prank. He said they did not have a shared sense of humor about that bit.
Howard asked if he's gotten arrested. Eric said he did in the first season. He said he was dressed like a frat boy and went up to a town meeting and made a speech and the cops were there and he got arrested. He said he was sent to the big jail for a night. He said it was a nightmare. He said everyone looked like a character from Breaking Bad there.
Howard asked if he ever wishes that he was doing regular comedy instead of this kind of thing. Eric said yeah. He said he doesn't think he'd be where he is if he didn't go the extra mile.
Howard said he loved the bit where he went to the open house in short shorts and did stuff in the house. He said that live Chucky doll was good too. He said it was really good. Howard was talking about all of these bits that are on the new season that hasn't aired yet. He asked about how they did the stunts.
Eric said that they have a few producers for the show and they all collaborate with that stuff. Hard said he's sure they throw out a lot of stuff. Eric said they do shoot like crazy. He said they only get about 10 percent of the stuff on air. He said that 90 percent of the stuff gets thrown out.
Howard asked how long it takes to get a prank. Eric said there's a lot of trial and error. He said it can take a full day or more.
Howard asked if he is the guy going through the sign in the opening of his show. Eric said he usually does it. He said he got a concussion one year and they had to stop him for a while. He said he has been doing that for the past 10 years. He said he used to do it without a stunt coordinator. He said they suggested he get a stunt coordinator one year and he had on idea that was a thing.
Howard asked if he has aches and pains or is he okay. Eric said he's okay. He said that Knoxville has like 16 concussions. He said he has like 1. Howard said he thinks Eric is crazy but he's saying that Knoxville is the crazy one.
Howard said John Hamm is the guy with a big cock and he complimented Eric on his big cock. Eric said he has a tear away suit that came off when John was introduced. He said he saw the full Monty when they did that he said that he's well endowed so that's a good day when you hear that.
Howard asked how many inches he is. Eric said he isn't sure. He said he grew up with the metric system so he measured in centimeters. Howard said he won't know then.
Howard said he can't imagine to have a big cock like that. He said that god shouldn't have given him a big cock. He said he has enough. He said that John Hamm got the face and the big cock.
Howard said on a serious note he wants to know about this lawsuit he's involved with. He said he got searched at the airport and he claims it's because he's black. Eric said he was filming Righteous Gemstones in Georgia. He said he was flying back to New York from there. He said these two plain clothes cops accosted him and said that they thought there were drugs being transported through the airport. He said they were drilling him over this stuff. He said they asked if they have permission to search him and he said no. He said that he was texting some friends about it and they were lawyers. He said that he started tweeting to the Mayor and the Atlanta PD but it was Clayton County that was doing it. He said they were doing this racial profiling thing and they were stopping black and brown people over this stuff and shaking them down for money. He said they were doing that over vape pens and a nug of weed. He said they were raking in a ton of money over it. He said that other people came out of the woodwork over that and they went in on this lawsuit. He said he's not sure when they're going to court. He said that he had a lot of stats about what was happening. He said he's not going to say what they were because he doesn't have the actual numbers.
Howard said he should go into court and do the rip away suit thing. Eric said he might lose the case if he does that. Howard said it's worth losing. He said he can do the blowing the in invisible man bit again.
Howard said he was thinking about him and how they were going to ask him what he would be willing to do as a prank. He asked if he would drink his own cum. Eric said he has drank his own hot piss during an interview. Howard said wait a minute. He asked why he did that. Eric said he had a realty show guy on the show and he just got completely naked and pissed in his coffee mug and chugged it. He said cum is viscous so he's not sure he'd do that. He said when he urinates he feels relief and when he cums he's feeling embarrassment. He said it depends on who he's interviewing.
Howard asked if he has any idea why he would go that far. He said he knows they have talked about his background and how his mom was Jewish and his dad was from Haiti. He said that they divorced. He asked if he thinks that he wants to be seen so bad and that his parents didn't see him. Eric said he thinks that he just wants to stand out and be seen. He said he thinks that he wants to be loved but everyone wants that. He said he may drink his own pee because he wants to be loved.
Howard said he went on MTV and showed his ass cheeks. He said he thinks he just wanted people to love him. He said he has such a bad self image. He said he just wants to be loved. Eric said you want to be understood too. He said it's not just the love.
Eric said he grew up in Boca Raton and it's not like a real place with history. He said that he grew up around a lot of geriatric people. He said he was picked on in school there too. He said that he was kind of nerdy looking too. He said that he felt out of place and misunderstood. He said that he was frustrated too. He said that's where that comes from.
Howard asked Erik about smashing his head into a fire box for a laugh. Howard said he put his head through glass. Eric said he did and he did it for a laugh. He said he turned to the person there and said ''Stigmata'' as his head started to bleed.
Howard said that he heard that he became friends with Lizzo. He asked how that happened. Eric said they have a friend named Ketau and they knew each other through him. Howard said she was just a woman that they knew and then she became famous. Eric said that she broke out really big one day. He said she just blew up from there. Howard asked if he ever jammed with her. Eric said he never really jams. He said he hasn't done that since he was a teenager.
Howard asked why he gave up on the music stuff. Eric said he just didn't have it in him. He said you have to shine and be a star.
Howard said he feels like he's losing him to Hollywood. He said he saw that he went to Billie Eilish's birthday party last year. He asked how he ended up there. Eric said he was invited by a friend and they're fans of his so he got to hang out with them. He said that he went out with Ed Sheeran and he said that Howard has a bowling alley at his house. He said he's never been to his house. Howard said he came over one night and they hung. He said he's too afraid of Eric to have him over.
Howard said he saw that thing with Madonna. Eric said that he was invited over to dinner with a friend and she lived next door to Madonna and he was asked to go play Truth or Dare with them. He said it was pretty insane.
Howard said he's hob knobbing. He said he gets to hang out with all of these people. He said he saw that they play golf on the street and hit a box. Eric said that was kind of random too. He said that he has friends who know Ed Sheeran and they get to hang.
Howard said he loves that new sidekick he has on the show. He said he likes the new character Fridge Keeper too. He said it's like the Crypt Keeper but in a fridge.
Howard said he has more pranks to ask about. He asked if he would get ass implants as a bit. Eric said he doesn't think so. He said that he has a juicy ass already.
Howard asked if he would try sneaking across the border with a big sombrero on his head. Eric said he might do that. Howard asked if he would dip his balls in fire ants. Eric said it depends on what it was for. He said if it was for a Jackass movie he would do it. He said he can't do it as well as those guys but he'd have to do it for them.
Howard asked if he would take a taser to the penis. Eric said no to that. Howard asked if he would eat regurgitated stuffing. Eric said it depends on who regurgitated it.
Howard asked if he would let a guy finger his asshole while skydiving. Eric laughed and said that's so specific. He said he's not sure who is doing it. He said if the guy has lube maybe he'd do it. He said it is funny.
Howard asked if he would play Russian roulette. Eric said no. Howard asked if he would stage an abortion on the streets of Texas. Eric laughed and said yes. He said he might have to do that next season. Howard said he can have that idea. Howard said he was talking to this guy about taking loads in his ass earlier. He said one of the things they do is get a fake fetus doll and stick it up their ass and shit it out so they can experience child birth. Howard asked if Eric would do that. Eric said sure he would. He said he'd do that while skydiving into Texas.
Howard asked Eric if he would take a shit in a toilet at Home Depot. Eric said that's been done but that's a classic so he would do that. Howard asked him a bunch more quick ones.
Howard asked about dressing up in drag in Saudi Arabia. Eric said he'd like to see that but he'd rather not be beheaded. Howard said he's up to a lot of things. Howard said season six of the Eric Andre show debuts June 4th on Adult Swim.
Howard asked who he'll be dating next. Eric said he'd like to date Michelle Obama if he can get her to break up with Barack.
Howard asked if he'll ever get married. Eric said he's getting the itch. He said that he might even want kids some day. Howard asked if he's in love right now. Eric said he is. He said he's getting to know someone. Howard asked if he's in love. Eric said he's just getting to know someone. Howard said he got word about who it is. He said it's Hoda Kotbe. Eric said it is. He said that's their secret. He said he was holding out until next Halloween.
Howard said it's good for him to have someone around. He said that after he dates someone like Emily Ratajkowski other women see that and they want him. He said that he got women in college because he had a friend who was attractive. He said the women thought that was his girlfriend. He said he should have told them he was dating her.
Howard asked if he finds that a different level of women look at him. Eric said he doesn't know about that. Howard said the answer is yes. He said just look at Pete Davidson. Eric said he's on a tear. He said he met him once a while ago. He said that was almost 10 years ago. He said hew as a total sweetheart.
Howard said Eric tried to get on Saturday Night Live years ago. Eric said he did send in some shitty tapes. He said he sent in some shitty impressions and bits. Howard said those sketches go on a little too long. He said his show is only 12 minutes long. Eric said you have to set it up and get out while they're still laughing.
Howard said on the next season he should have a penis sword fight with Pete Davidson. He wrapped up with Eric and gave him some more plugs. Howard said the Prank Panel is coming on ABC next week. He said that sounds like a crazy show. He said he's looking forward to that. He said that he wants to see Johnny and Eric pranking each other.
Howard said Eric brought Prostate Karaoke to the show. He said he played that the other day. He played it again today. That's where Eric was singing ''Kiss to a Rose'' while he was getting a prostate exam.
Howard let Eric go and said Robin should have dated him. Robin said that's way too much for her. She said he's going to come home all wasted from whatever he's doing and she can't deal with that.
Howard said you have to hear the start of the show if you didn't hear it. He said they went over the whole Eric Andre birthday show.
Robin said she was watching Barry and she was thinking about how great that interview with Bill Hader was.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was looking for the fetus thing that the guy was talking about. He said they're on Amazon and they're huge. He said they're like 10 inches long. He said he's not sure how they do it. Howard said they're used to taking that stuff in their ass. He said he thinks it's insane.
Howard said this is a guy they have talked to before. He said this is GucciBerry. He said he shot himself in the nuts with a bow and arrow. He said you can find the video of it under his name I'mGucciBerry.
Howard had Wolfie come on to talk about this guy who he's talked about before. He filled Howard in on some of the stunts this guy has done to himself where he injures himself.
Wolfie said he has video of a guy using the fetus thing. Howard said he's not sure he wants to see that. He said he doesn't want it in his head. Ralph asked how big it is. Wolfie said it's rough. He said it's pretty big. He said he saw it breaching and he had to bail out. He said he thinks as a group they can get through it. Howard said he thinks he can but then he gets off the radio and it's stuck in his head. He said he's not sure if he should do it.
Howard asked Wolfie if this is a 7 month fetus or a 3 month fetus. Wolfie said he thinks it's about 6 months. They spent a few more minutes talking about this stuff. Jason got on and said Howard should not watch this. He said he saw it and it's horrible. He said that they should not watch it.
Howard said he has seen some really horrible stuff. He said he saw R Bud Dwyer and the beheaded guy. He said that was really disturbing. He said he has to let GucciBerry go because his phone is distracting. Jason said this is not as bad as those videos but it's pretty bad. Howard said he thinks he's not going to watch it. Robin said she has seen a lot of stuff in her life. She said she thinks she can handle it and Howard may be able to handle it. Howard asked if they should show it to Robin and then see what her reaction is. The guys said they can show it to her if he shuts his screen off. They did that and Robin saw it and made some odd noises. Robin said Howard could watch that. She said it's hysterical. Howard said he'll watch it then. They showed him the silent video and Howard said this is unbelievable. He said Robin is crazy. He said he'll never unsee that. He said that he has to boycott someone for running that. Robin said he has seen those women shooting ping pong balls out of themselves.
Howard said the guy's asshole looked like it was talking. He said he thinks he just threw up. He said the umbilical cord looked wild coming out. Wolfie said that they also have this device you stick in and it pumps alien eggs into your ass and you shoot them out. Howard said Fred has that one.
Howard asked if Ronnie saw that. Ronnie said it was funny. He said he thought it was going to be really disgusting but it was funny. Howard asked if Fred saw it. Fred said he did not see it because he refused to watch it. He said when Jason said don't watch it he took his word for it. Gary said he loved it and thought it was hysterical.
Howard said he now has that imprinted on his brain and he's just going to see that in his head at lunch.
Howard wrapped up the show and said they have Dave Matthews coming in soon. He ended the show around 10:45am.