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Howard took a call from Bobo who said he enjoyed Rihanna's crotch grabbing last night. He said there was a lot of that going on. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. He said it looked like she was smelling her fingers too. He said he's not sure if that's the right thing for a woman to be so obvious about. He said that people were thinking that Rihanna might be pregnant again too. He said you can't ask a woman if she's pregnant or just chubby. He said she did say she is pregnant. He said maybe she was checking to make sure the baby wasn't coming out. He said she was up very high. He said he understands why she was grabbing her crotch. He said she was checking on the baby. Robin said she was wondering what was going on there. She said there was a bump there but she wasn't sure if that was the baby weight that didn't come off. Howard said she is pregnant and she was tickling the fetus.
Robin said the baby she has now is only 9 months old. Howard said she must have fucked when she got out of the hospital. He said he had a bet that she was going to have her baby when she sang Diamond.
Howard said Rihanna and A$AP Rocky announced the birth of their baby 9 months ago and now they're pregnant again. He said you could bet on what color her water would be when it broke. He said he was thinking about the S in Howard Stern being a dollar sign now that he's seen A$AP Rocky's name.
Bobo asked if she was lip syncing or not. Howard said of course she was. He said she has a great voice and he loves how she interprets songs. He said there was one point when she was singing live. He said he would say that it was mostly lip syncing. He said that maybe 85 percent of it was. Robin said she couldn't tell. Howard said the big giveaway is when she puts the microphone by her knees and her lips aren't moving and the other voices are going. Robin said that was an echo voice. Howard said no in his Mark the Bagger voice. Howard said maybe the baby was singing for her with the microphone down there.
Howard had fake Mark the Bagger knock on his door to talk about Rihanna. He said he wants to eat her placenta and drink her titty milk. Fake Mark was beating off and making weird noises as he was talking to Howard. Howard said he must be upset about the Eagles losing. Mark said fuck all of that.
Howard said he wanted to see the fans burn down the city if the Eagles had won. He said Wolfie had the balls to go out on the streets to interview people about the game.
Bobo mentioned he liked the Colin Quinn special that ran last week. Howard said he has more to say about that later in the show. He let Bobo go after that.
Howard had Mark say his famous line about pussy being the greatest. Howard said he has to get to this tape that Wolfie has.
Howard said people wrote in about the bit they did last week. He said he has to get off the Super Bowl thing for a minute. He said they played a phony phone call last week where Matt the Bagger called Mark the Bagger and he got blown by Nikki Glaser. Howard read some feedback about that call. There were a bunch of people who wrote in about how funny that bit was. Howard said they have to edit these things down. He said it went on for like 45 minutes. He said they had Matt and Mark the Bagger. He said they had them going back and forth for 5 minutes straight saying yes and no to each other. He said he should just play the whole call at some point. He said it lasts for 45 minuets. He said listen to how long this goes on. He played a clip of Mark and Matt going at it for a while. They were saying yes and no but then Matt threw in a ''maybe'' and Mark said ''I doubt it.''
Howard said it's like a slow tennis match. He said it's the longest volley in Howard Stern Show history. Robin asked if he wishes he could get such joy from that. Howard asked Matt about how long that went on. Matt said he jerked off like 20 times so that's like 20 minutes. Howard asked if those two have the most time to waste in the world. Matt went back and forth with yes and no. Howard said one of the answers sounded like yes and no as the same word.
Howard asked if they left the entire 5 minutes of that in the call if it would have been a classic. Matt said yes. Howard let Matt the Bagger go after that.
Howard said he has to get back to the Super Bowl. He said Rihanna was lip syncing. He said he likes her music very much. He said it's like she was making no effort to disguise it. He said you want people to think you're singing. He said it sounded good. He played some of the music from the half time show. Howard said he gets chills hearing some of her songs. Howard said he likes the extra syllable in the Umbrella song.
Robin said what she likes is that she did the show with just dancers and no other singers. She said she held herself for the full time. Howard said Donald Trump said she has no talent but he thinks she's wrong. Howard said he sent out a message somewhere. He said she had spray painted something about him and he wrote that she has no talent.
Howard said that girl has talent. He said he sounds so juvenile saying that stuff. He said she has talent.
Howard said Rihanna won her first Grammy with that Umbrella song. He said she went into Diamonds. He played some of that. He played some of Robin singing that song too. He said Trump tweeted out that Robin has no talent too. He said he disagrees.
Howard said he and his wife had a bit of a fight. He said they were watching the game and she lost interest. He said he was in bed watching it and she got into bed to watch the half time show. He said she wanted to watch the half time show. He said he said he would pause it but then he figured he'd just go back and watch it. He said he wanted to watch Rihanna. He said if she came in he'd rewind it. He said that he was thinking she'd come back in and get upset with him. He said that he wasn't going to sit there with nothing to do. He said he would watch it twice. He said Beth came in halfway through the appearance. He said she said she asked him to pause it. He said that he was going to rewind it. He said she got upset and asked why he was raising his voice at her. Howard said he rewound it for her. He said he's not going to sit there and watch a paused screen. He said Beth got all upset and he's not sure why. He said Rihanna almost ended his marriage. He said she stormed out of the room. He said he'd like to call and ask her why she got upset.
Howard asked if he did anything wrong. Robin said maybe she wanted to see it with him live. Howard asked if she was married to him and she asked him to pause something would she get upset if he watched it. He said he would rewind it. Robin said she wouldn't get upset but that's just her. She said Beth may have wanted to experience it with him.
Howard called Beth on his phone to ask why she was upset with him over that. Beth asked what he's doing right now. Howard said it was funny she got mad at him. Beth said she was getting ready for bed and she had to wash up. She said she did her cat rounds. She said she wanted to watch it with him. She said she loves his reactions. She said he came in and he was watching it. She said she got over it quickly. She said she's not sure why he's doing this. He said Robin agreed with him. Beth asked if she's on the air. Howard said of course she is.
Howard said Beth was in there for like 3-4 minutes and it wasn't 2. Beth said she was doing Cocomelon's bladder one more time. Howard said he just wanted to watch something and not pause it. He said he's not sure why she got upset. Beth said she explained it. She said this is so stupid. She said she was just tired. Howard said he loves her so much.
Howard said today is when he proposed to her in the nude. He said they both got naked and he proposed. Beth said he got her the engagement ring and he was going to propose to her but he did it early. Howard said he was so excited about it. He said he proposed in the nude. Beth said she got naked too. Howard said he's not sure what he was thinking. Robin said most everyone records their engagement. Howard said not them. He said he didn't know why they got naked. Beth said they celebrated very romantically. Howard asked if they banged. Beth said yes. Howard said he's such a masculine man.
Howard said he'll let her go. Beth asked what people think of the holding call. Howard said he hasn't gotten to that. He asked what Beth thinks. Beth said no one cares what she thinks. Howard said everyone agrees that Rihanna was lip synching. Beth said not in the last few minutes though.
Beth asked what year the proposal was. Howard said he thinks it was 2007. He said the fans are in the street celebrating. Howard let Beth go after that.
Howard said he likes to find shows that Beth won't like. He said he was watching Mayor of Kingstown. He said Beth is so into that show now that he can't watch it on his own. He said she loves it.
Howard said Beth asked what he thought about the holding call. He said he did think it was bullshit. He said the game was good though. Robin said she was praying that the refs wouldn't interfere with the game. She said she thought that when they did the coin toss.
Howard said he saw that the Clark Hunt had some sexy blonde with him in the owner's box. He said that must be his wife. Gary said it's the daughter. Howard said what a catch she is. He said that guy has to be a billionaire. Howard asked if anyone out there is a Clark Hunt aficionado. He said he wants to know how he made his money. Gary said the daughter is really hot. He said she's been out in a bikini and she's in very good shape.
Jon Hein got on and said that the team made their money in oil. Howard said his father yelled at him for years about what an idiot he was. He said he should have turned around and yelled at him for being an idiot for not making it bigger. He said they lived in Roosevelt. He said they lived in the shittiest area and his dad was calling him a moron. He said his dad didn't do better than $25,000 a year. He said he should have gone out and found oil. He said he should have done that and then called him an idiot.
Howard said he put up with a lot of bullshit. Robin said he got no inheritance. Howard said the Hunt family is one of the richest in the country. Gary said the daughter is recently single and looking for love. Howard said he loves Beth but imagine the money he could get if he married Gracie Hunt. He said she's a former pageant winner. He said he doesn't get why she'd do that. He asked if she's on any of the apps out there. He said he's sure someone out there would want to marry her. Gary showed him a bikini shot of Gracie. Howard said she is hot.
Howard continued to go off on his dad for calling him a moron. He said he's pretty sure he could have invented something like the railroad if it didn't exist.
Howard said this Gracie Hunt is a babe. He said what a babe she is. Robin said she was wondering who she was when they'd cut to her. Howard said he would have had a different life if he had a dad like Clark Hunt. He said he wouldn't be slaving away in front of a hot microphone.
Howard said Gracie is 24 years old. He said she's already divorced. He said she's a pageant queen and a marathon runner. He said she's a special Olympics ambassador too. He said he'd like to meet the guy who divorced her. He said she must have been sick of fucking the guy. Howard said she should be handed to Mahomes. He said that's the way it would have been back in the day of the gladiator. Robin said that's not how it would have worked. She said he would have been there to service her. Howard asked if she thinks he's ever had to do that. He said he'd ask about that.
Howard said they estimate that Clark Hunt's father was worth about a billion dollars in 1974. Howard said that kid Clark is there like he earned it all. Howard said he's jealous of guys like that. He said imagine growing up not needing to work. He said that's heaven. Robin said those guys are luckier than Prince Charles. She said they can do whatever they want.
Howard said Prince Charles has to do some shit to keep that going. He said Clark Hunt can do whatever he wants. He said they have to keep tabs on what Gracie is up to. He said they have to get her in there into his basement. Howard asked if Tom Brady knows about her and why isn't he fucking her.
Howard said he tried his own hand at writing his own song. He said he wants to know what Robin thinks. He said there have been a lot of radio guys who had songs. He said Rick Dees had a hit with Disco Duck. He said this might catch on. He said it's still rough but here it is. Howard played the song which was asking about who Tom Brady is fucking.
Howard said he was watching the retirement video that Tom made and he walked into the woods and came out with that song 15 minutes later. He said he just wants a novelty song. He said he likes it. He said he thinks it's good.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg who was going off on him about that song. He said he should be worshiping his ass. Howard said he is worshiping him. Mark said it's not enough. He went off on Howard more about the song. Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Mark about Tom Brady.
Howard said he wants to go through the staff thoughts. He said that Richard is wearing his Chiefs stuff and Wolfie is wearing his Eagles jersey and helmet. He said Sal is there for some hijinx. He said that Will is there too. He said he's a big Philly fan. He asked Will what he makes of this. Will said it was very disappointing. He said he thinks they lost the game with that call at the end. He said they should have gone after Mahomes more.
Howard read through some notes about the game and said they have to get to some bets and stuff. Howard went through some of the wacky stuff that was going on in Philly. He said fans started flipping cars before the game even started. He said his wife asked who he was rooting for. He said he was rooting for Philly because he is attached to them because of how good they were to him down there. He said that was their test market. He said that they did really well there. He said they were very loyal fans. He said he has a special attachment to Philadelphia.
Howard asked why it is that they like to burn the city down when they win. Howard asked Will and Wolfie why that is. Wolfie said he thinks they get caught up in the excitement and they're drunk and don't know any other way to let it out. He said they just start breaking shit.
Howard said there was a thing before the game that went on. He said the Eagles fans were booing the guy who won the Walter Peyton award. Will said the guy is a Cowboy so that's why they did that. They don't like the Cowboys. Howard played a clip of the fans booing him. Howard laughed. Howard said that award is for being a good guy. Wolfie and Will didn't agree.
Howard said he liked when they introduced Sheryl Lee Ralph because she's the one who did the ''I am an endangered species'' speech. He played them introducing her at the Super Bowl where she sang some song. Howard said that announcer is something. Robin said she was enthralled by him. Howard said he knows they have had him on the show. He said that he's unbelievable. He said that's some voice. He said it's distracting. Robin said every word is a big effort. They had some audio of him saying Baba Booey and things like that. Howard said they have to give him a shout out. His name is Alan Roach. They had him saying Robin's name and Howard's name too.
Howard went through the performers who sang before the game. He said that Chris Stapleton came in a few seconds under the time they expected. He said his version was way better than most of the performances he's seen. He said that guy is an amazing talent. He said the guy sings like an angel. He said he was moved by that performing. He said he's going him an MVP for that. He said that is the best version of that song he's heard. He played some of that.
Howard said he was playing his own guitar. He said that's sexy and if he was a hillbilly he'd fuck that guy. He said Gracie Hunt should have run right up to him. He said if he could steal someone's talent he'd steal his. He said that guy can sing.
Howard said that guy was valedictorian at his high school. He said there were only 3 kids there but he was. He was joking about that. He said he really was valedictorian.
Howard said that every time they went up to Travis Kelce and asked what the coach said to them. He said that his grammar wasn't all that great. He said that he kept saying that the players were ''playing uncharacteristic.'' He said the guy went to college. He said he should know the right thing to say. He said that's what Richard's dad would say.
Howard spent a little time talking to Wolfie about the game. Howard said he was impressed with the Eagles approach to the game. He said that they were going with the fourth down a lot. He said other teams might pick up on that. Wolfie said they have a better chance of scoring when they do that. Howard said it is an aggressive form of play.
Howard said he has to get through the rest of the stuff they have. He said he has to give it to Alan Roach too. He played some of the announcements he was making at the game. He said that voice cuts through the chatter going on there. He said it makes everything sound important. Howard said that's the reason he almost didn't get into radio. He said it was the guys who had voices like that who he thought were going to take his job.
Howard said he has Alan Roach's vocal coach there. Chris Wilding did his impression of Alan as his coach. Howard said he must have started training him at 13. Coach said that it's all about he last syllable. He stretched it out very long.
Howard asked if anyone wants to hear Wolfie at home reacting to the game. Wolfie said he doesn't want to hear it. Howard played a clip of Wolfie reacting to he first touchdown they got. Wolfe's dogs were barking when he started cheering. Wolfie said his wife said they were getting stressed so she took them upstairs with her. Howard said she's right. He said they probably thought someone was breaking into the house. Robin said they don't know what's wrong with him.
Howard said Richard has the most interesting story. He said he is a big Chiefs fan and his wife is an Eagles fan. He said Richard said he was rooting for both teams but they knew it was bullshit. Robin said he claimed he was going to be happy for her if she won but they know this is new for them both. Howard said Richard hated this game because it's been horrible.
Richard said it was the worst sports watching experience he's ever had. He said his wife is a hard core Eagles fan. He said she didn't even want to look at him. He said she made him go to the basement. Howard said this is the first touchdown and his wife's reaction to it. Richard said he was in the basement watching when he recorded this. Howard played the clip and his wife was screaming so loud and her feet were stomping on the floor. Howard said they couldn't be more perfectly matched. Richard said he agrees. He said that the TV upstairs was ahead of the TV downstairs so he knew what was coming. He said he did not like the feeling of not being able to celebrate together. He said she was so supportive of the Chiefs when they went to the game together. He said this game he can't cheer for the Eagles. He said he loves the Chiefs so much. He said it tore him apart. He said he doesn't want them to play against each other ever again in the Super Bowl. Richard was in tears talking about this. Will said he chose his wife over the Chiefs is basically what he's saying.
Howard said this was a horrible thing for him. He said he loves the Chiefs so much because his wife was so unhappy. Richard said he felt so horrible for her that he wasn't able to celebrate.
Howard asked how long he waited to go upstairs. Richard said she stopped watching at one point. He said he went up to the bedroom and he told her that the Eagles scored. He said she was going to come down to watch more. He said they watched the last 4 minutes together and it was hard. He said he can't cheer in front of her. He said it sucked. He said he was so happy for his team but he wasn't able to do anything.
Howard said this is Richard downstairs celebrating on the punt return. Richard said that was awesome. Howard said this is Richard trying to be quiet. He played a clip of Richard whispering his excitement. Howard asked if they slept together last night. Richard said no. He said he doesn't usually do that when he has to get up early. He said she let her have her space last night too.
Howard said she must have been freaking out. Richard said she was feeling bad about it and she did say that she had to give him his moment. Howard asked if he spoke to his dad. Richard said he put on the movie ''Road Trip'' because that's her favorite movie. He said they put that on and they had some champagne. He said this week he'll re-watch the game and celebrate by himself.
Howard said halfway through the game Richard sent a note to them. He said that there was no joy for either of them in this game. Richard said what a game it was. He said it was a great game. He said he'll learn to appreciate it in time but the wounds are open right now.
Howard said Richard is subdued today. Richard said he hopes his wife isn't listening now. Robin said this could happen over and over and over again because the two teams are so good. Richard said he hopes not. He said he would have been going nuts if they were playing anyone else.
Howard ran down a list of the things that Richard drank and ate during the game. Richard said that the kids were with their grand parents so he and his wife took naps for the first time in who knows how long. He said he was drinking a little bit but he didn't even get that buzzed. He said he was stressed out too so that didn't help. Howard asked what this Liquid IV stuff is. Will said it can help with hangovers. He said you wake up feeling pretty good.
Howard asked Richard if he's going to watch the Chiefs parade. Richard said he may watch it alone when his wife is sleeping.
Gary said he understands his wife's unhappiness but he should be happy. Richard said his wife can't celebrate with him. Gary asked if he can go home today and put the game on and enjoy it. Richard said no way. He said that she will not want to see that game ever again. He said he watched the highlights this morning and it was awesome. Howard said Richard had to watch the game like Anne Frank.
Howard took a call from a Turkish child who was stuck in the rubble. The child said that everyone she knows is dead but she feels for Richard. Richard said now he feels like a total asshole.
Howard said Richard's wife flipped over Richard's car and lit it on fire. He got some laughs from the guys over that.
Howard said Wolfie went out to interview some people on the streets of Philadelphia. Wolfie said it looked like the purge out there. He said things were crazy. He said people were going crazy and the cops were getting stuff thrown at them.
Howard played some clips of Wolfie's interviews. He had Philly fans going off on Patrick Mahomes and his brother. One guy said he hopes he dies. He said he's going to go out and vandalize and commit crimes because of what that team did to him. He said this is his city and he's burning it down. Howard said even if they won they would have burned the city down.
Fake Dan Rather came on and talked about being on the streets of Philadelphia and watching what was going on there. He said it's a horrific scene out there. He said it's like Fallujah for white people.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy who said he had 15 beers and if he saw the ref out there they'd stomp his head in. He said they'd be out there flipping cars and beating people up who are wearing red jerseys.
Howard said one fan had an interesting reason for them losing. He blamed the vaccine and Rothchild making everyone get vaccinated. He said they control people like robots with that vaccine.
Howard said Wolfie lied to that guy about being vaccinated. Wolfie said that guy had the look like he was possessed so he said he was not vaccinated. Wolfie said he loves the craziness out there. He said it would have been more insane if they had won.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Richard needs to grow some balls. He said the Chief's won the Super Bowl and he celebrates by watching Road Trip. He said that if the Eagles would have won she would have gone off on him and his team.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's glad Richard had a terrible night. He said the Chiefs jumped the shark and fuck Richard and the Chiefs. Howard said Richard should be happy. Richard said he would be if they had played another team. He said never doubt Patrick Mahomes. He said he played hurt. Will said he wasn't that hurt. He said he was running around like crazy. Richard said he's like Super Man. Howard said it's weird that Richard can't even cry for being happy. Richard said some day he will.
Howard asked about this bet. Richard said this is another thing. He said he's going to get so much shit for this. He said that in respect for his wife he will not wipe his ass with an Eagles jersey. The guys all started going off on him for being such a pussy. Howard said stick that thing up his ass right now. Richard said he would never be able to set foot in Philly ever again if he does it. He said he can't do it. Howard said he's bombing out of this thing now. Richard said he can do something else but he won't wipe his ass with an Eagles jersey. Will said no way. He said he has to shove that jersey up his ass. He said that's the bet they agreed to. Richard said he's afraid to do it. Will said Richard is afraid of his wife.
Howard said he can't believe what he's hearing. He said it's like the jersey is the prophet Mohammed. Sal said he will wipe his ass with that shirt but he has to let him snot rocket into his Kansas City cap. Richard didn't sound too happy about that. Howard took a call from fake Kristin Christy who was screaming and going off on Richard.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Wolfie about going to an event in Philly and saying it was one of the most fucked up things he's seen. He asked what was the worst thing he's ever seen in Philly. Wolfie said Wing Bowl was brutal. He said that changed him. He said it was really bad. He said that the Juggalo fans were more relaxed than Wing Bowl people were.
Howard asked JD what he's thinking. JD said he had no issues with him shaving his head but he's backing out of this. He said he's pissed. Howard said you want to see the ass wiping. He took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get what Richard is doing. He said he's supposed to do this bet and he should honor that. Howard said he wants to see him wipe his ass with that jersey. Richard said he didn't even talk to his wife about that. He said that he can't do it though.
Howard asked if Will would shave his pubes so they can give him a pube beard. Will said he'll do that. He said that he has to go in the bathroom to do that. Richard said that he won the bet though. Howard said he backed out of the bet thought. Richard said he'll do what Sal said.
Chris said that Richard gave JD no way out and he has to stick with it. He said he's not doing the right thing. Richard said he's sorry but he can't do it. Jon Hein said that he's not going to pay him the money he owes him then. He said he has to pay the bet off. He said his wife will lose respect for him for not paying off. He said he has to follow through. He said he has to take Dawkins and shove it up his ass. Chris said JD doesn't look right because of that bet.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he has to do this bet or he has to do the pube thing. Richard said he'll do the pube thing. He said he'll even take them on his tongue. Howard said he has to go out on the street and tell people he's wearing a pube beard.
Robin said she can't believe they're letting him out of this. Howard said they have no choice. Howard said how about Sal wipes his ass with the jersey. Howard said he's going to leave it up to Will. He asked if Sal does the wiping of Richard's ass will he go with it. Richard said he doesn't want that jersey near his ass. He said he won't let him do that. Howard said back to the pubes then. Howard had Will do his thing. He told him to get some ball hair, some taint hair and some ass hair.
Howard asked when he last showered. Will said yesterday but the hair is long. Howard said this is insane. Richard said he wants to be able to go to Eagles games so he has to do this. Howard said he can't have an ego that big to think that the fans are even paying attention to him. Richard said he could be toast if a fan sees what he did. Wolfie said he's right and he could get the shit beat out of him.
Howard asked Will how it's going. Will said he has a good amount of pubes. He said he's trying to get it from the balls and his ass. He said he just cut his nuts. Howard said go slow. Will said he thinks he has enough. Howard said how about a Hitler moustache on Richard. Will told someone to get out of the bathroom. He said his pants are down. Howard said he wants Richard to look like Chris Stapleton when they're done. Howard asked if he got some from his taint. Will said he tried but it was tough.
Howard said this show has degraded itself. Richard saw the pubes and started dry heaving. Howard said look at that plate of pubes. He said it's a ton. Richard said they're dark grey. Will said he did his best. Richard said he deserves this. Howard said he does.
Howard had them set Richard up with a moustache. Will said this is what happens when you win a bet and Welch on it. Richard said he can't talk or he'll swallow pubes. He said they're falling on his tongue. Everyone was laughing and letting out sighs when they saw what was happening.
Howard said he's not even sure what to say. Richard said he just threw the pubes in his face. Howard said he just smacked him in the face with the plate of pubes. Will said this is the greatest Super Bowl loss ever. Richard said he doesn't feel like a winner right now. Howard said he has a crazy amount of pubes on his face. Richard said they smell like sweat. Sal said he has to go home like that now. Robin said he has to tell his wife why he looks like that. Howard said now Sal has to cum on his face.
Howard said there is no disappointment in the room right now. Richard said the pubes are all over his jersey too. Howard said he can't believe how much hair there is. He said it looks like a real beard. Howard asked the guys to post a photo on their Instagram or whatever. He said this guy just took a face full of pubes. Richard said he can't even talk because they're in his mouth.
Will said he doesn't understand what's happening here. He said Richard won the bet and he has pubes on his face. Sal said he looks like Cliff Clavin from Cheers. Howard asked if this is the craziest thing he has ever done. Richard said he'd have to look at a list but it is up there.
Howard said they have to get someone in the building there to show them. Howard asked if Mad Dog is there. Sal said maybe Otis. Howard said he's kind of a quiet guy. someone mentioned that Sway is there. Derek said that Richard's teeth are covered in pubes. He said it's crazy.
Howard said they have to show Sway what's going on. He took a call from a guy who said they have to make him eat a sandwich. Howard said he doesn't want him to die.
Another caller said they should suspend him for 2 weeks without pay. Howard said he can't do that. He said he just took pubes on his face.
Howard said he'll get his wife down there and show her Richard's face. Howard said she'll be outraged. He said she'd freak out by that. Richard said she'll be mad at him for showing her.
Howard called Beth and asked her to come down to see something. Beth said she'll come in. Howard said he's going to tell her to try to figure out what happened to him. Howard said she'll freak out. Richard said he won $500 from Will over this bet. Will said he backed out of the bet. He said he'll give him the money anyway. He said he did do the pube beard so he'll give it to him. Howard said those pubes are really long. He said he can't believe it.
Beth came in and Howard said they need her reaction to something. Howard asked her to look at Richard. Richard said he started growing facial hair. Richard said he started 3 minutes ago. Howard told Beth what happened and she said that is disgusting. She asked how it's staying on. They said it's sprit gum. Beth asked whose pubes are on his face. Beth said she doesn't even know what to say right now. Howard said by the way he won the bet. Howard explained what happened with the bet. She asked if that was Howard's idea. Howard said absolutely not. Beth said that is so disgusting. Beth asked them to get her reaction tot hits. They said they can't do that. Howard said he thinks they have to put this on HBO.
Beth said that no one would even know it's not natural hair. Howard said they should take him out to do that. He said he should hold a sign up saying he has pubes on his face. Richard said he's not sure if he can even go in the lobby like that.
Robin said Richard won the bet and didn't pay up so now he's got pubes on his face. She said this is crazy. Beth said she's looking at Will and wondering about his pubes. She said she doesn't need to see that. Will said it looks like chicken skin down there right now.
Beth said she's not sure what to say. She said this is what Howard does when he goes to work. Howard said that's right. He said that he wants to show other people there in the building what's going on. Jason said he got Lexi from the NFL Channel to come over to see what's going on. Howard asked if he gave her a heads up. Jason said he did. Howard had Lexi come in to see what's going on.
Howard asked Lexi to look at Richard. He told her what was going on. Lexi said that she might vomit. She said Richard looks like he might vomit too. She said that she might need a bucket. She said it looks very natural though. She said he should keep it. Howard said they can do that.
Howard thanked Lexi for coming down to see this. Howard said congratulations to Will. Beth asked how long he has to keep this. Howard said he'll figure that out. He said that he might want to call Richard's wife but there are so many rules there. Robin said this is a weird ending to Richard winning. Richard said he can't swallow because his mouth is full of pubes. Howard said he has to take a break. He said that if anyone has anything to say about the game then say it now. Wolfie said that it looks like pubes are growing out of his teeth. Richard said he hopes this makes up for him backing out of the bet. Will said fuck the Chiefs. He said that it's all over his jersey now too. Howard said Will keeps walking up to him and pushing his pubes into his face.
Jason said that Kristin is calling in now. He said he'll text her a picture. Howard had her on the phone and Kristin sounded like she knew what was going on. Howard said they have to send her the picture. Jason texted it to her. Howard said that's her husband with a full pube beard and moustache. Kristin said that's just another day in her husband's career. Howard asked what she thinks about this. Kristin said she doesn't think this bothers him that much. She said that she'd be upset if he wiped his ass with a jersey. She said she had no idea he was going to do this. Howard asked if she would accept it if he did it. Kristin said that she would be upset but she think that he'll be better off if they go to a game. She said they wont have to worry about him being hit at an Eagles game.
Robin said the pubes are all over his teeth and tongue. She said they may never come out. Howard let Kristin go a short time later.
Howard asked if this will finally inspire Richard to brush his teeth. Richard said he hopes that there's some mouthwash there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he wanted to ask Kristin if she will ever fuck him again because he's not a man. Howard wrapped up with the guys and did a live commercial read before going to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said that's Tom Morello featuring Gary Clark Jr. He said there was like a 3 hour jam session with the two. He said he loves Tom Morello. He said he was on a Maneskin song they recorded there at Sirius. He said the guy is really good as a DJ too. He said he's a big fan. Robin said Tom knows he's a fan. Howard said what kills him about Tom is that he didn't start playing until he was 17. He said he was going to Harvard and still playing 7 hours a day. He said 17 is starting late in life. Robin said it's not too late. Howard said Eddie Van Halen started at like 5.
Howard said just listen to this song. He said Gary Clark Jr. is really good too. He said he's all caught up in the song.
Robin said they had a cavalcade of stars in the Super Bowl commercials. Howard said he didn't see them all. He said he liked that Dunkin' commercial with J-Lo. He said he thought the Jesus commercials were interesting. He said that's kind of sad that Jesus needs to advertise on the Super Bowl. He said that he was stuck by Bradley Cooper and his mom in a commercial together.
Howard said what struck him is that his mom is way shorter than him. He said his dad must have been a giant. He said Bradley is pretty tall.
Howard said Scientology had a commercial in the game too. He said it was Jesus vs. Scientology. He said it was pretty wild. He said he was going to just believe in Jesus but then the Scientology commercial came on and he was going to go with them. Robin said there were a lot of big stars in the commercials. She ran through a list of names. Howard said it's smart to get the celebrities in their commercials. Howard said he feels stupid sometimes with the commercials. He said he has no idea what they're talking about.
Howard said Ben Stiller and Steve Martin were in Pepsi commercials. Robin said she loves the Flash trailer and the Guardians of the Galaxy commercials. Howard said the Flash looks cool. He said that he's a big comic book guy and they didn't make this time change thing so big in the comic books. He said that he read every Flash comic book. He said he ran fast but he didn't change time that much. He said he liked that he ran fast. He said he owned one comic book where Superman and Flash raced each other and Flash won. He said that you'd still rather be Superman than Flash. He said that he's just fast.
Robin ran down more celebrities who were in commercials. Howard said he once turned down a commercial they were going to do for the Super Bowl. He said it was going to be with Tom Brady and he would have been the fine specimen and he was going to be the disgusting specimen. He said it was like the movie Twins and he was the Danny DeVito of the two. He said he didn't care how much money was involved. He said he wasn't going to be Tom Brady's shit. He said he doesn't think they did the commercial after he turned it down. He said no one was as bad as him apparently.
Howard said he has been deemed such a disgusting animal that then they take his Q rating they found out that he's one of the lowest out there. He said that they found out that Osama bin Laden was 2 points higher. He said he thinks that he'd be good in a commercial. He said they could do something where they say just when you think something is impossible Howard Stern is in a Super Bowl commercial. He said he's such a pariah that he can't get an ad. He said the Q rating is a likeability thing. Robin said Bill Cosby had a high Q rating and so did Jared from Subway.
Howard said it's funny that when Harry Styles comes on TV his wife loves it. He said he was thinking that more women would rather fuck him than The Rock. Robin said for sure. Howard said he thinks they'd rather have a skinny good looking guy than a Rock type. Howard said he bets that Harry has a big dick too. He said that he's seen that a lot. He said he's got nothing himself and he bets that Harry is big. He said he just gets the feeling.
Howard said he has a sixth sense about penis size. He said he can look at someone and just tell. Robin said you get the feeling he's sensitive.
Howard said they say that people with high Q scores are Morgan Freeman, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Dwayne The Rock Johnson and others. He ran down a list of women too.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave an address that Howard lived in years ago. The caller said that he lived on Bronx River Road. Howard said he figured that he could get a cheap place there in Yonkers. He said he was making $96 a week or maybe $250. He said that he found this place he could afford and the landlord was asking him if he was a Jew. He said she was a Jew and she wanted a Jew to live there. Howard said he thought she was going to keep him from living there but she actually wanted him there.
The caller told Howard that the Jesus commercials were sponsored by Hobby Lobby which is a company that isn't very gay friendly. He told Howard he loves listening to him but he has to get to work. Howard let him go.
Howard said he was thinking of going to Hobby Lobby but he is very LGBTQ friendly. He said imagine having a craft store and being against the gays. He said they're very crafty. He said it doesn't seem like a good idea.
Howard said he's not sure if that guy was right about Hobby Lobby. He said he just doesn't know. He said that you can't be against the gay community if you're a craft store. He said you don't want to be anti-gay if you're a company at all. He said you want to bring as many people into the tent as you can. He said who knew there were even craft stores still out there. He said there's nothing gayer than hodge podge and glitter and he loves that. He said it's like starting an all you can eat buffet and you don't like obese people.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said that Hobby Lobby is fantastic. He said it's like the size of a small town and they have everything there. Howard said maybe they do love gay people. Ralph said they must if they think Jesus loves all people.
Ralph asked Robin to do an F, Marry, Kill with Harry Styles, Alex Petifer and Bradley Cooper. Howard told him to call her off the air with that. He said no one cares.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she doesn't understand the bet that Richard had. Howard said he thinks they got the picture up on Instagram with Richard's pube beard. Mariann said she's curious about the bet. Howard explained to her that Richard was afraid that he'd get beat up if he went to an Eagles game in the future if he wiped his ass with that jersey. He said there you go.
Robin said last week Microsoft added ChatGPT to their search function in Bing. Robin said they're following you along as you search and they're ready to go with that. Howard said now Google has to scramble. Robin said this knocked them back at Google. Robin said they have been working on this for 12 years. She said Google felt like they had to jump in and show they're not behind. She said they introduced their BARD future the next day after the Microsoft announcement. Howard asked what happened. Robin said they introduced BARD and then they asked BARD what it can tell them about the new telescope NASA has up in space. Robin said it got one of the answers wrong. She said it gave 3 bullet points and it got one wrong. She said people were talking about how this was wrong and then Google realized they got it wrong and they immediately lost $110 billion dollars in value. Robin said Microsoft went up. She said she's not sure what percentage it was but it was quite a bit.
Robin said this is the kind of companies we have in this country. Howard said this is why he loves America. He said we have this kind of innovation because of the stability. Robins said these are two companies racing ahead with this technology. She said that it's going to disrupt everything. She said it's like the iPhone being introduced. Robin said she's going to try this new search today. She said she was looking at a thread with some friends of hers and she said they were talking about how they only use Bing now. Howard said he's not sure what that experience is going to be like. Robin said he can try it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is getting too excited about this. He said this is really just lame. Howard said they're just starting out with it. He said Google's whole deal is the search engine. He said if this Bing has this new bonus then they might lose out to Bing. He said they have to get on the stick. He said he thinks it's an interesting story. Howard asked if Emily Ratajkowski would date Bing of BARD first. Robin said she might go out with Bing.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Bing (Chris Wilding) who was talking about how he wanted to do a 3D rendering of Robin's tits. Howard asked if he wants to make fun of BARD. Bing called BARD a useless cunt. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked what Robin makes of these flying objects that are getting shot down. Howard said he was under the illusion that we have tight security over this country. He said that it seems impossible to fly something over this country. He said that they're along them UFOs and he wonders what's going on. Robin said that UFOs are man made and you don't know where they're coming from. She said this is balloon technology. She said they say they can get closer to things and get better views of this stuff they're flying over. Howard said he has to toot his own horn sometimes. He said he was at the forefront of hating balloons. He said he hates them and hates that they hurt the sea life and all of that. He said he hates parades too.
Howard said he's not sure what to do about Ronnie's wedding. Robin said she's going. Howard said no she's not. Howard said he isn't sure what he's going to do. He said Robin can't go. Robin said she's hoping that Howard gets everyone to get tested at Ronnie's wedding. Howard said Robin isn't going out anywhere. He said she's not leaving that house. He said she has a nice house and she has no reason to go out. He said if she had a dump he'd tell her to get out.
Howard read some feedback about Ronnie's wedding and people were saying that he should let Pearlman go.
Howard said he's the only one still worried about going out. He said that he saw Paul McCartney at the Super Bowl. He said he's not sure why he's carrying on if Paul can do that. He said the guy has to be 70 something. Robin said he has to be 80 something. Howard said he is 80. He said he's not worrying. Howard said he'll be 80 in June.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was the Grim Reaper who said he can't wait to see him at the wedding and then the funeral. Howard quickly closed the door on him.
Robin said she saw that Willie Nelson didn't show up at the Grammy's. Howard said he's 90 years old and he's just staying home. He said he has a great life and he has to hang on as long as he can. Howard said the guy has it made and he doesn't need to go the Grammy's.
Howard read some details about the COVID numbers and what's going on. the numbers have been decreasing lately. Howard said maybe they'll be alright.
Howard said a lot of people loved the Colin Quinn special ''Small Talk'' last week. Robin said she got to listen to almost the whole thing. She said she found the JD segment very interesting. She said that she listened to the Benjy segment too. Howard said Colin told JD to make eye contact. He said he also sat with Benjy and Medicated Pete. He said the audience is dying for a part 2. He read some feedback about the special.
Howard played some audio from the special where Colin was talking to Benjy and told him he can't digress when he's doing stand up. He said you have to keep people in the same subject.
Howard said Colin is right. He said you have to stick with a topic and not digress. Howard said he does that front time to time but if you go on a stage and do that you will fail. He said he is right about that. Howard said Colin told Benjy he can't digress in stand up. He said Benjy has never done stand up and he's arguing with Colin about it. Robin said that's what Benjy does and he's never been able to do stand up. Howard said Benjy wants the whole conversation released on Howard 101. Howard said the fans seem to want it too. He said the fans think they want it but they edit the special for a reason. He said it would be really bad if they left everything in. He said their producers explained the premise to Benjy beforehand. He said he showed up and didn't seem to understand what the premise was.
Howard said he has 30 seconds of Benjy trying to turn it around and interview Colin. Howard said this is 30 seconds of that. Benjy said that he saw Colin on a tractor. Colin said he knows he's making this up.
Howard said this is not the premise of the special. He asked if he saw Colin on a tractor. Benjy said he did. He said he has talked about it with a lot of people. Benjy said please just play it on Howard 101. Howard said it's just not good. He said that digressing doesn't work just like Colin said. Benjy said he has heard a lot of people digress and it can work. Howard asked who he has heard. Benjy said something about a guy on a train. Howard said as far as him coming on making up the tractor thing is not funny. Benjy said they were laughing during that part. Robin said she was not. Howard said he's not sure what he's saying. He said they edited the show to keep people tuned in. Benjy said they edited the soul out of that conversation. He said it's the only thing he was proud of.
Howard said Colin came up with this idea to work with him and now he's trying to dismantle what he did. He said they had to edit it down. Benjy asked why they can't put the whole thing out. Howard said he puts out things he thinks are good. He said he won't put the whole thing out there. He said Colin doesn't want to be involved in something awful. He said the thing didn't work so they edited some parts out. Howard said he'll talk to him off the air. Benjy asked what the damage would be playing it at 3am.
Howard asked Jon Hein about editing the thing and why they did it. Jon said that Benjy went to places that were not interesting. He said the show was about Colin interviewing him and talking about how to have conversations. Robin said he was asked to take part in something that had a direction.
Jon said he talked to Colin about the Benjy vortex before the show and he realized after the show that he was involved in it. He said that Colin gave Benjy such great advice on some things. He said that he gave him advice on the digression thing.
Jon said they have Benjy's best interests in mind here. Benjy said he believes that. He was still begging Howard to listen to him. Howard said he wants to edit this out. Benjy said the listeners want to hear it. They played Benjy off with a song parody. Howard said he heard that Benjy went to Jon Blitt's apartment and he got some advice. Benjy said he has the nicest apartment he's ever seen. Howard asked if Jon is going to mentor him. Jon said he had a great time hanging out with him. He said he would mentor him. Howard asked what he would do. Jon said he thinks Benjy has to get out and do stand up. Howard asked if he thinks he should digress. Jon said he should do whatever he thinks is right.
Jon said that he wanted to listen to that interview and he wasn't able to get through it. He said he listened to an unedited version. Benjy said that he can edit conversations and he can take the fucking soul out of it and that's what they did to him.
Howard and Benjy went back and forth arguing about that for quite a while. Howard eventually said he hears his point of view.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Howard to the bottom of his heart. He said he should keep Benjy off the air. Benjy was still going on and on about the digression thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said get Benjy off or she'll jump out her car window.
Another caller said Benjy has to stop complaining. He said he's like a kid in a cereal aisle. He said he has to just move on.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Jennifer Witz was there saying that he'll be doing a podcast if he puts that Benjy show out. She said she'll have his head if he puts that out.
Jon said he has offered to produce stuff with Benjy. He said Benjy hasn't come to him at all yet. Howard said he has a 3 minute clip he's going to play and he dares you to get through it. Benjy said this was not a strong segment. Howard played the clip where Benjy asked Colin about this tractor thing. He claimed he saw Colin out driving a tractor at 4 in the morning. Colin said he's never done that and he knows he's doing shtick.
Howard let it play for a minute and broke in and said that this is only a minute into it. He said it seems like much longer. He let the rest of the clip play. Colin denied ever being on a tractor but Benjy insisted that he saw it.
Howard said Colin must be sweating thinking this whole thing is flopping. He said this was not good. He said he had a bit planed in his head and it didn't work. Benjy said that a lot of people saw it and he saw it and it was weird. Howard said he has no idea what he was talking about. Benjy said Howard isn't into New York stuff. Howard said he's lived there almost his whole life.
Howard answered a knock at the door and a fake Tom Hanks came on and said he really hates Benjy. He said he just wants to hear him die slowly now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was driving on I-95 and fell asleep as he was listening to this. He crashed as he was talking to Howard. Benjy said more genuine laughs during that.
Howard was still arguing with Benjy about Colin but he said he really has to go. He said he's not going to play the whole thing on the air. He said it's just not going to happen.
Benjy said that he'll eat a finger if he plays that on the air in full. Howard said he has to think about which finger. He let Benjy go and said he has had a lot of conversations with him and most of them were about not showing up to work on time.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said that he can't stand Benjy but when they had him on for a week. He said he thought he was very interesting when he was on for that first half hour or so with Rahsaan. Howard said of course he was. He said he's an interesting guy.
Howard said he's going to poll the staff right now and ask if anyone wants to hear it unedited. He said if he finds one he'll do it. Howard said he heard it had to be heavily edited. Benjy said he gets it if it's a word or two. Howard asked the guys to have 5 people come on. He said he wanted to be done at 10 and now he's a half hour into this.
Howard said it's just dragging on. He said he'll do the poll off the air. He said he just found out they polled them and 100 percent said no. Jason said 13 people have voted so far and 12 said no. He said the 13th just voted and it must be Benjy. Benjy said that 3 so far have voted yes in his poll.
Howard said Medicated Pete did an interview with Colin too. Howard played some audio of that. Howard said they have that show up on the app.
Howard read some feedback about what he said about Sal's gift to him. He said fans were upset that he went off on Sal about the gift.
Howard said some fans wrote in about the Maneskin performances they have up on the app.
Gary said that they found something on the internet about Colin riding a tractor and it was on Benjy's Twitter feed. He said they weren't able to find anything else.
Benjy was still asking for him to play the special. Howard said he doesn't want to. He said that tomorrow they have Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park coming in and then on Wednesday they have Marc Maron coming in. He said he really has to go so he has to end this. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said he's hearing talking right now. He said something is off. He said one of the guys might have a microphone on. He said it's very distracting. He said maybe it's one of those Chinese balloons over his house.
Howard said what he was saying is that Mike Shinoda discovered these three songs and they're going to come in and play them today on the show. He said they're going to talk about the good old days of Linkin Park.
Beth brought something to Howard so he thanked her and told her they're on the air. He said that he has to talk about what happened yesterday. He said he asked for some water just now. He said he asked her to bring some down. He said he had a hard time with hot water there and he just asked for regular water. Robin said she wants to get him a hot pot so he can have the water warm. She said that it doesn't have to be super hot. Howard said he doesn't want it. He said even getting out of the chair during the show he doesn't want to do it. He told Robin he doesn't want the pot.
Howard said Mike is going to be in there around 9. He said they're going to hear these songs that Chester recorded. He said what an original sound that band had. He said this was something. He played some of their song ''In the End'' and said that was really unique. He said they had 75 different record companies turn them down because they were so original. He said they were mixing rap with rock and metal. He said the record companies weren't able to wrap their heads around it. He said they ended up with a deal eventually. He said it didn't really matter.
Howard said these three songs are something special. He said they were meant to be on an album and they thought they sounded too similar to other songs. He said they are good songs and he has to get them on the air. He said that's it. He said this is about remembering Chester Bennington. He said he wants to find out what it's been like for Mike since that happened. He said that he was like a brother to him. He said that he has Robin and she's like a sister to him but he chose to be with her. He said he loves his sister but he knows people who have brothers and sisters who are vomits.
Howard said more on this later when Mike comes in. He said he wanted to tickle your ass with a feather.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was kind of upset with Benjy yesterday about getting his interview on the air. Howard said he was giving Benjy the reality. He said he thought that it was a good segment with Colin Quinn but it had to be edited. He said that was it. He said most of the staff can accept the word no but not Benjy. He said he told him no and he didn't want to hear it. The caller said he got upset that Benjy was lashing out at him over all of that. He said he thought it was a dick move. Howard said Benjy works with all of those guys and he asks them for help and they're all pissed off at him.
Howard said about 15 staff members came to him and said that Benjy hates him. He said he blames him for his career and what he doesn't have. The caller said that he didn't deserve to have Benjy coming after him the way he did. Howard said he's right. He said he has given Benjy a lot.
Howard said he doesn't think everything he does is wonderful. He said that he'd like to be able to edit out some stuff. He said he knows he can go on too long at times but he's doing it live. He said he knows not every bit is going to work. He said that he has pretty good percentages for a guy who does live shows. He said he wishes he could go back and tweak the show. He said what they do on Howard 101 is edit down older material. He said they give you the meat and cut off the grizzle. He said people love 101. He said it makes him look like a genius. He said that they get out and they go to something else. He said they trim the fat.
Howard said with Benjy there's plenty of fat. The caller said it's also a matter of loyalty. Howard said he knows there's none there. He said Benjy threw everyone under the bus yesterday. He said everyone knows. He said they all came to him. The caller said he thought he should stand up for him. He said he loves the show. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said Benjy won't take stand up advice from a comedian like Colin Quinn. The caller said he'd take advice from Colin for his own business.
Howard said Mike Trainor is there. Mike said that Benjy was inspired to do a man on the street thing and he was asking for them to help him. He said then he was throwing them all under the bus. Howard said he saw the guys trying to save the long bit and making it funny. He said he knows that people were mad at Benjy. He said some were defending him though.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Valentine's day but he's going to talk about Benjy. He said Benjy wanted them to air this unaired version of the interview he did with Colin Quinn but he doesn't want to air it. He read through some fan feedback about that. Some fans were saying they should just air it and some where saying that he shouldn't give in. Howard moved on after reading through that.
Howard said he got Beth some home made cookies and he made a painting for her that's a rose in a box. He said that she opened that this morning. He said he got her a flower from Steven Singer Jewelers. He said he got her three of those and a bunch of little things. He said he made her a card. He said that's hand made. He said he puts a lot of effort into that. He said Beth said that she loves that he's so romantic. He said she melted.
Howard said that Beth got him something that is so great. He said it's the greatest gift he ever got. He said she found him a journal that she filled out that's about the reasons she loves him. He said he is a needy mother fucker and he needed that. He said he is a broken spirit and he has spent 25 years in therapy trying to repair this and nothing comes close to feeling love than something like that. He said he almost feels loved now. He said that he hasn't read the whole journal yet. He said she gave it to him this morning. He said he has to sit with it and see if she really loves him.
Howard said Beth put so much time and effort into this thing that she might actually make him feel loved. He said this might actually heal his soul. He said that it's late in the game but it might do it. Robin said better late than never. Howard said his father gave him a journal but it was ''Reasons why you're an asshole'' and it was really thick. Robin said she can't wait for him to get really steeped into it. She said he can read it over and over again. Howard said he's going to leave it on his desk so he knows he can go there when he goes to that dark place. He said that way he can read why he's so lovable.
Howard said on Valentine's day he sends Robin roses. He said this year he got full of himself. He said he wanted to get her a bouquet of something else. He said he found something to send her. Robin said it's gorgeous. Howard said he sent it to Robin and she sent him a picture. Howard said he told his wife about this and she gasped. He said that she asked why he doesn't check with him before he orders things. Howard said he didn't want to bother her with that. He said Beth said this is about her cats. He said that it was the hydrangeas in the bouquet that she was worried about. Howard said they're poisonous to cats. He said Robin has cats that she loves and he freaked out. He said that he was going to just do the roses. He said he didn't want to kill the cats. He said he picked up the phone and called Robin about that. He said she didn't answer and she didn't answer texts either. He said he called Captain Dennis to tell him instead. He said that he was trying to get in touch.
Howard said Robin finally answered. He said she was doing some kind of inconsequential thing. Robin said she was at the hospital getting blood drawn. Robin let him know that the flowers were in a from where the cats don't go. Howard said he had his assistant calling Captain Dennis and all of that. He said he didn't want to kill her cats. Howard said Dennis threw out the flowers. He said that he found out they didn't have to throw them out. Robin said that the phone starts ringing and Dennis told her that she had to get rid of the flowers. Howard said Robin is busy trying to keep herself alive and he's freaking out about the flowers. He said he was barely able to sleep.
Howard said he blew it. He said he didn't realize what he had done. He said he didn't know any better. He said he just went with the look of the bouquet. Robin said it was lovely. She said it had nice color. Robin said she likes seeing that. Howard said he didn't know it could kill a cat. Robin said that she had to kill a cat to get some color.
Howard said he used to go all out with the gifts on Valentine's day but they agreed to just do something that's about showing their love and not going crazy. He said they're doing real kind of loving stuff. He said that's it.
Howard said he came up from the show yesterday and there were three gigantic boxes in his house. He said they were from Robin. He said Robin isn't supposed to send him anything. He said he had no time to open them. He said he had just spent an hour with Benjy and he was exhausted. He said that Beth asked if she can open them. He said she did and there were more boxes inside the big boxes. He said they're going to wait until today to open them. He said they're waiting for Valentine's day to open them. He said he'll open them today after the show.
Howard said he is a romantic guy. He said he's the closest thing to a husband that Robin has. Robin said he is not her work husband. Howard said he hates to break it to her but he is. Robin said he's not there fixing anything there. Howard said women fall for their perfect man and he's the one who brings her joy sometimes. Robin said most of the time.
Howard said Sal's wife fell in love with her work husband at work. He said he's doing fine now but he had some rough times. He asked Sal how Valentine's day is for him. Sal sighed and said it's wonderful. Howard asked if things are okay with him and his wife. Sal said things are going okay. He said that he hopes that guy has better luck than he did. He said that it's all good actually. He said that people make mistakes and you have to move forward. He said that you can't rehash that stuff. Howard said he reminds him of a flower. He said that he lets things blow right over him.
Howard asked if Sal and his wife are going to celebrate Valentine's day. Sal said he's going to be putting something together for her to surprise her. He said he will have something for her. He said he might have some lingerie or something. Howard asked if he's a blow job guy. Sal said he really is. Howard said he's not. Sal said he thinks that's wonderful. Howard said he had a couple of women who really enjoyed it but some women really don't like it. He said his penis is very sensitive and he's very germ phobic. He said he really doesn't want a raw mouth on his penis. He said that when he was single he didn't want herpes or anything. He said that may have ruined it for him. He said he wants a rubber on and he wants to enter a woman. He said that's all he knows.
Sal said he'll take anything he can get. He said a hand or a mouth is fine. Howard said Sal got a blow job from a tiger and that didn't slow him down. Sal said barb wire and battery acid in a mouth is fine and he's all in.
Sal said a hand job is $40 on 34th and 6th. Howard said Sal used to get rub and tugs. Sal said today is Valentine's day. He said he doesn't want to mention anything. Howard said it was just back in the day. Sal said he gets hand jobs now and it's his own hand.
Howard said he was watching a TV show the other day. He said the Mayor of Kingstown is what he was watching. He said they had a guy jerking off in the shower and he was making all kinds of noise. Howard said he doesn't make noise. Sal said he doesn't either. Howard said you want to be quiet like a ninja. He said you don't want anyone finding you jerking off. He said his mother never found him. He said he blew his load into tissues and he would get rid of them. He said that his mother never found anything.
Howard said he used to flush his tissues. He said that he would go into the bathroom to jerk off and he'd hear his mother asking what he's doing in there. Howard said he was in the bathroom trying to feel better about himself. He said this guy on the TV show was making all kinds of noise in the shower. He said it's not that good.
Howard said happy Valentine's day. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Sal's wife who had a poem to read for Sal. She called Sal a piece of shit and there's no way she's blowing him. She said Happy Valentine's day. Sal said that this lady is nicer than his real wife.
Howard said the reason he brought it up is because Ronnie is getting married and he might have Alzheimer's. He said they asked him about this thing and he had no memory of it. Ronnie said that wasn't an egg. He said that it's not his, it's hers. He said that he didn't admit to using it on his own body. He said that she may put it on his penis, balls or taint. Howard asked what the fuck is going on with him. Ronnie said he remembers it. He said that he was breaking Blitt's balls. He said he does that to him sometimes. He said they still use that thing sometimes. He said it's not an egg. He said it's more like a swollen vagina.
Howard said he has to play this sex tip. He said he was laughing at it last night. He said he has to hand it to Ronnie. He said he's the most sexed up human being at his age. He said he's not sure if he really does this stuff but his fantasies are wild. He said he spends a lot of time being sexually active in his brain.
Howard played the clip and Ronnie talked about what to do on Valentine's day. He said you spread them out on the bed and get their legs akimbo. He said you get them worked up and put champagne all over their clit. He said the pressure will make them explode. He said it'll be amazing. Then you take the bottle and shove it up your ass.
Howard said he wouldn't use a glass bottle in his ass. He said the glass can suck your insides out too. He said that's what he's read. He said it creates a suction. He said that an open bottle can do that. He said Ronnie has never actually done this has he. Ronnie said he'll let him answer that. Howard asked if he actually tried that sex tip. Ronnie said he may try it. He said that's a possibility. He said he's like Benjy. He said they did a couple of different takes of this sex tip. He said they have smaller bottles. He said that it's one drink size. He said he wouldn't use the big bottle but he would use the smaller one. He said it's not mini but smaller than the big one.
Howard asked if this is something he's done or is it a fantasy. Ronnie said it's a fantasy. Howard said he still wants to do this. Ronnie said he thinks that it would make her feel good with the pressure on her clit. He said that's what he'd do to her. He said you have to keep the cork under control too. He said you don't want it shooting at her. Howard said you might pop her clit off. Howard said it seems like he's obsessed with pelting the clit with stuff. He said it's almost anger. Ronnie said he thinks it would be a cool sensation. Robin said this would make such a mess. Ronnie said they'd have to put towels down. He said it's not that much of a mess. He said that he has to put towels down once in a while. He said he does that all the time.
Howard said his bed is like a car wash. Ronnie Puppet started talking about the crazy stuff he'd do. Howard did his impression of Ronnie talking about this crazy stuff too.
Ronnie said he heard the conversation about the blow jobs and he just doesn't get Howard. Howard said he doesn't lie blow jobs. He said it's awesome if it's done well. He said that he can't have had all good blow jobs. Ronnie said he's right about that but even a bad one is good. Howard said he feels bad for a woman putting her mouth on his penis. He said he feels bad for women. He said it's just disgusting. Ronnie said it's the same thing as eating a woman out. Howard said he doesn't think that any woman wants to do that. He said he believes that men want to eat women out but that's because we're animals. Ronnie said women are semen waste baskets. Robin told him to take it easy there.
Howard said he has had a couple of blow jobs that were out of control. He said it's a difficult art. He said Robin doesn't know how to do it. Robin laughed. Ronnie said he doesn't believe she doesn't know how to do it. He said she has those blow job lips. Robin laughed.
Ronnie said Robin isn't as quiet as you think she is. Howard said he knows the anal story from San Francisco. He said that was not lady like. Robin said she was an animal.
Howard said as long as he has Ronnie there they took his vibrating egg shtick and called a cooking show. He said they're asking for deviled egg recipes. He said they called in with Ronnie clips where he's talking about the vibrating egg. He said he drives them nuts. Howard said this is Ronnie calling into a cooking show.
Howard played the call where they had Ronnie write in with a recipe and then they asked him to call in with it. Richard called in and said that he's his great grandson. He said he has Ronnie whipping some up now. Then they had Ronnie clips talk about the natural juices and things like that. Ronnie said you can scramble her ovaries and watch it bubble. The hosts said this is a family show. They played the sounds of the vibrating egg and the hosts weren't happy about that so they finally hung up. Ronnie called back in and said don't forget about your cock rings. They hung up on him again.
Howard said that was Chef Ronnie Munds. Ronnie said the guy sounded like he was really into it at first.
Howard said he has a doctor who says that he has to warn people about this sex tip. the caller said that he had to deal with something similar when he was an intern. He said this guy took a flask and had it stuck because of suction. He said he thinks using a champagne bottle would be a really bad idea. Howard said you could suction out your innards. He said thanks to the doctor for telling them that. Howard said this can be very dangerous.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg who talked about how he can suck his own dick and that's not gay. He said it's the same thing as jerking off with your own hand. Howard said he wont disagree with him on anything. Howard closed the door on him pretty quick.
Ronnie said that Mark Wahlberg put on one of the best TV shows with hot chicks. He said he had so many hot chicks on the show Entourage. He said he just finished watching that. He said they had so many hot girls on that show. He said it's unbelievable. Howard said he never watched that show. Ronnie said he thinks Howard would love it. Howard said he never really got into it. Ronnie said he's not usually into sitcoms but that show was really good. He said they have multiple hot chicks in every show.
Howard asked Ronnie if anyone is hotter than the woman who plays Iris on Mayor of Kingstown. Ronnie said absolutely. He said she's hot but these women are hotter. Howard said she's very naked on that show too. Ronnie said she's very loose and she doesn't give a fuck. He said she's great too. Howard said she has some blow job lips. Ronnie said she really does. Howard said all of these women who are injecting their lips are trying to get that. Ronnie said Robin has natural blow job lips.
Howard said the woman in Mayor of Kingstown is Emma Laird. Howard said that JD said that Entourage sucks. He asked JD about that. JD said he wasn't able to get into it. Ronnie said he's talking about the hot chicks on the show. JD said they had hot chicks so that's true. He said the show wasn't for him though.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's going to have a wedding registry. Ronnie said they are not. Howard said that's class. Ronnie said Blitt asked him that and he told him that they weren't and then he was asking what Stephanie wants for the wedding. He said that he asked her what she likes and all of that. He said they have a house with everything in it already. He said he told Blitt that she wants a horse. He said Blitt was suggesting that they buy her a horse and pay for boarding and feeding. He said it's fucking insane. Blitt said he found a horse for $2,000. He said he suggested buying her a horse for the wedding. Howard said no to that. He said Ronnie is near the end of his life. He said he knows what's going on. Ronnie said he knows. Howard said everyone is dying in their 70s. He said that he was talking to a friend the other day. He said that his friend has friends who are dying in their 70s and he knows because Ronnie is in his 70s. He said he has to get things settled so if he does pass Stephanie will be set.
Ronnie said he got a brainstorm last week. He said his mom came to him before she died and she had already taken care of her funeral. He said that she gave him the paperwork. He said she had already paid for it all. He said she told him all he had to do was hand them the papers and it was all taken care of. Ronnie said he figured that he should do the same thing. He said he didn't want his son and Stephanie to have to worry about it. Howard said that's a very caring thing to do. He said he loves that.
Ronnie said she spent 3 hours at a funeral place. He said what a shit show. He said he didn't tell anyone where he was going. He said he just went on his own. Ronnie said he was thinking about the cremation thing and he changed his mind at the last minute there. He said the idea of it freaked him out so he backed out of it.
Howard said he wants to be put in a mausoleum. He said he just read a story about an old woman who was alive in a body bag. Ronnie said when he's dead he'll be dead. Howard asked if he got a nice coffin. Ronnie said he got himself a nice one. He said that he can't even talk about it. He said he came home and locked himself in his bedroom. He said he was so depressed. He said he closed the blinds and kept Stephanie out. He said he watched TV all day long and watched Entourage. He said he was laughing and looking at hot chicks. He said it was so fucked up.
Howard said he'd love to know what coffin he bought. He said he should get one like a race car. Ronnie said he got something nice. He said he's not sure what the price was. He said the whole package was two parts. He said the funeral part was about 15 grand and then the burial is separate. Howard said it's costing him more because his father bought plots many years ago. He said he didn't have to pay for that. Ronnie said the veteran thing will take care of all of that. He said he's being buried in a veteran's cemetery.
Howard said Ronnie loves skulls and he'll be one soon. He said look at it that way. He said he can put his skull on his desk.
Howard said he went into a depression because it's hard to think about your own death. He said it's so painful and horrible. He said Ronnie did the most loving thing he could do. He said he went out and took care of it all. He said he had to contemplate his own demise though. He said he had to do it for hours on end. Ronnie said Stephanie was asking him about flowers for the wedding. He said he told her to leave him alone.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mike Pearlman who asked what he'll be wearing in his coffin. Ronnie said a turtle neck. He said he'll be wearing dark glasses. Mike talked about what he saw Ronnie in from 2008 or 09 and he was dressed like a cowboy. He said he doesn't think he should wear that.
Howard let Mike go and took a call from a guy who said he's a funeral director. He said he would agree with Howard that it's a good idea to take care of that ahead of time. He said families are devastated and it's very had to choose. Howard said Ronnie did the right thing. He said taking care of that is a great thing to do for the family. Robin said she should do that too. Howard said he might be the one taking care of that. Robin said she'll take that off his hands.
Robin said she wants to be cremated. She said she will be done with this whole thing and she'll be out of there. Ronnie said it's cheaper. He said you can do the cremation and have a funeral or do a cheap deal where you have a little ceremony. He said that's it. He said it's a lot cheaper. Howard said some people bury their ashes.
Ronnie said he talked to his shrink about this and he ended up yelling at him. He said they're about the same age. He said he asked him what he's going to do because he has no one to take care of it. He said he has to get his ass to the funeral home. Howard said it would be great if Stephanie just flushed his ashes down the toilet. Robin said that she wouldn't care if her's were just thrown in a dumpster. Ronnie said it's not fun to go through all of that. He said Robin will find out.
Ronnie said he walked in with the folder of stuff and gave it to Stephanie. He said she didn't even know what to say. Howard said she should have said thanked him and blown him right on the spot. Ronnie said she did appreciate it. Ronnie said it's fucked up. Howard said when he drops dead he's going to go to psychics and try to contact him on the air. He said they have to come up with a special word like he and Valerie Harper did. He said that they have to do it off the air so no one knows what it is. He said that he asked Valerie for a word to have between them so they can have psychics in there and none of them were able to get the word. He said he never told anyone the word so no one can find out. He said you can bring in 100 psychics and ask and no one will ever figure it out. Howard said he applauds Ronnie for going out and getting this taken care of.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her father died last year. She said that he was a very strong man. She said that her sister went to a psychic and he told them stuff that gave them so much comfort. Howard said the worst vampires on the planet are these people who go around saying they can speak to the dead. He said 80 percent of this country is full of stone cold stupid people. He said they believe in fake stuff and they go with these fake stories. He said there is no psychic that has ever proven that they can talk to the dead. The caller said she knows that and she tells the Houdini story all the time. Howard said he would lock up all of these so called psychics. He said he would build a wall and put the all behind it. He said you'll see.
Howard said if it makes you feel better that's fine. The caller said that she sees a hawk whenever she leaves her house. Howard said Sal is another story. He said he has the lowest IQ on the staff. He said that explains it all. He said Sal is a slow adult. He said don't be stupid. He said Marc Maron is coming on tomorrow and he talks about stupidity and how proud people are to be stupid now. He said they have become very bold. He said it's stuff like that. Howard said Sal is moron adjacent. He said he doesn't mean it with any disrespect but we all know it.
Howard said he has to talk to Robin off the air about being cremated. He said that Ronnie did a good thing there. He said he's doing the right thing with the gift registry too. He said stop with the gift registry. He said he's not starting out with nothing like 17 year olds.
Howard said here are many things you can do for Ronnie and Stephanie without giving them a gift. He said you can donate in their name to a charity or something. Howard said he can give him money if he needs help. Ronnie said everyone can do whatever they want. He said he's not going to ask for money. Ronnie said he did his big party at his house and had 90 people in his back yard. He said this is the big party and this is the last one. Howard said there will be one more but Ronnie won't be there.
Howard asked if he wants him to say a few words at his funeral. Ronnie said they gave him a whole book thing to plan it all out. He said he threw that in the drawer and hasn't looked at it. He said they told him to have all of this stuff ready to go. Howard said he wont' be there if he's being buried there in Vegas. Ronnie said that's where he lives. Howard said he's not flying out there to say a few words. He said on air he will say something. Ronnie said he can do one of his tributes and that will be fine. He said if Howard goes before him he'll do the same for him.
Howard said he should taxidermy him and display him at Rick's. Ronnie said Lonnie had that idea too. He said they were going to have a clear coffin and put it under the stage. He said he'd have a cut out. Howard said he'd go to the funeral but he's not going to Vegas for that. He said book a room at the Hard Rock and then go to the funeral. Howard said he should be buried in New York near his family. Ronnie said no one is going to visit him anyway.
Howard said you should have seen the car Ronnie had for him. He said his funeral should be all hot chicks. He said that he did the right thing so that's what counts.
Ronnie asked if Howard has done that yet. Howard said he has a will. He said his dad did the same thing for him that Ronnie did. He said he had to take care of the funeral. He said he didn't have to take care of the plot but he did have to take care of the funeral. He said that his dad was tight with the buck. He said he's lucky he had the plot.
Howard said his dad bought the plot many years ago and he has a whole section over there. Ronnie said his mom got her plot and funeral stuff taken care of and it was a total of $10,000. He said that was the whole deal. Howard said he has to go look at the papers again to see what his dad paid.
Ronnie asked if Howard has then care of that for himself. Howard said he was starting to look before the pandemic. He said he has to get back to it. He said Ronnie is right and it's the right thing to do. Robin said she has to figure out if they bury ashes in the military. Ronnie said they do.
Howard asked if Ronnie was crying. Ronnie said he wasn't crying but he was thinking about so much stuff. Howard asked if he was thinking about having consciousness. Ronnie said he was worried about being buried alive. He said he knows he'll be dead. Howard said you don't know anything. Robin said you will be dead if you wake up and can't get out of the box.
Howard said years ago they found old coffins and the coffins had scratch marks inside. He said he read that somewhere. Robin said in New Orleans they have the coffins above ground and they have bells so they can ring them if the person is alive. Howard said Ronnie should come to New York so they can tell if he's actually dead. He said that the Las Vegas doctors aren't going to be as good. He said he should have come to him about all of this. He said he did the right thing though.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who put champagne on his wife and it burned. The caller said they were celebrating their first anniversary and it ruined the night. He said that the alcohol burns. He said it's like putting rubbing alcohol on there. Howard said he would never do that to someone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's buried alive and he wants Robin to rub her tits so he can jerk off one last time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mother did the same thing for her kids. He said they have it all set up and it took so much pressure off of him and his family. He said that Ronnie did a good thing. Howard said he really did.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that psychics are real and they have a power from god. She said this is a gift. Howard said this is not a real thing. He said this woman, Mia, is just not bright. She said she has two masters degrees. Howard said he could get one in a week. He said he understands she wants to believe but it's just a cruel scam. He said it's the cruelest scam in the world. Mia said that she has to see a patient soon and she has to tell him something that happened to her. Howard said he has a friend who is a dupe like this woman. He said she recorded the session for him and he showed her how she gave the psychic everything. He said this woman is in a cult. Mia said she loves Howard but when it comes to this he has to open up. She said she has not seen a ghost or anything. Howard said he doesn't have time for stupid so don't ever call him again. Ronnie laughed. He said call Mad Dog Russo or someone next time. He said call Sal.
Howard took a call from a woman who agrees with Mia. The guys called in with Wendy the Slow Adult clips. Howard spent a few seconds with that.
Howard said there's nothing on the other side. He said he's telling you the truth. He said there are most certainly no people on the planet who can get in touch with the dead. He said there is no other side. He said the other side is just nothing. Robin said she was thinking like Ronnie recently and she was thinking about how there won't be any ''me'' after that. Ronnie said he was the same way. Howard said we're animals. He said that there's nothing else after this. He asked if all animals are going somewhere. He said that there is no place for the animals that die. He asked where the cut off is. He said knock it off already. He said heaven is right here on earth. Robin said hell is too.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's being cremated and she has it all planned out already. She said that her husband is going to spread them on the beach at Coney Island. She said that she doesn't want her family being burdened. Howard hung up on her in the middle of that. Howard said who cares.
Robin said the ashes thing is funny. She said that George Takei and Brad went out to spread ashes and the ashes all blew back in their faces. Ronnie said that's what he did with his father's ashes. He said he went out to spread his ashes in upstate New York. He said his father wanted to die up there but he died in Florida. He said he went up there in January in a blizzard. He said he got up at like 4 in the morning and drove up there. He said he took the ashes in a box and his house was sold to someone else. He said the house was empty during the winter. He said he opened up the box and the wooden box was screwed closed. He said that he had to take a tire iron and beat the box open. He said he took the ashes and spread them up there in the property by a tree where his dog was buried. He said it was crazy. Howard said he's going to heaven for doing all of that. Howard said he has to take a break because Mike Shinoda is coming in. He did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said this performance must have been magical to witness live. He said that's from 1966.
Howard asked Mike Shinoda if there's a better song than that. Mike asked if that's really a favorite of his. Howard said it is. He said when he heard that song and that whole Experience album he felt his entire reality changed. He said he remembers listening to it over and over again. Mike said he had a similar experience but he came from a rap background. He said that people were sampling stuff like that. He said he checked out the album and it blew his mind. He said that song in particular is something that's not everyone's favorite but it is his. Howard said that's weird. He said he'd tell him he's psychic but he's not.
Howard said he had a girl who he liked that was going to see Hendrix and he wanted to go but she didn't take him. He said he still regrets not being able to go.
Mike told Howard he was working on an album and this owner of the place asked him to check something out. He said they were working on the video game Rock Band or Guitar Hero. He said the guy was working on the game and they got a multi track from Hendrix and the guy showed them the solo or just the guitar track. He said he turns it off and then plays the vocal track. He said he goes back to the two tracks together and it was like two people working independently. He said he was singing and playing over the top of himself and it was just flowing through him. He said that a normal musician thinks you'll never get to that level. Howard said that's what happened when people saw Hendrix.
Howard said he kind of feels that way about the album Hybrid Theory. He said it was way out of control and he loves that. He said they had 45 record companies pass on them. Mike said he thinks that it's close to that number so it's basically right. He said they were working jobs and working on their albums. He said he was working in art and illustration. Howard said he talked to Rob Zombie about that. He said his band was a goof. He said he wanted to be an artist. Mike said he did too. He said he was drawing from a very early age. He said he took classes in art and painting. He said he got into a school that was all about art. Howard asked what he drew to get into that school. Mike said he was doing color pencil and paint. He said he had figure drawings and stuff that related to music. He said it was mostly rap and dungeons and dragons kind of stuff.
Howard said it's amazing what a person can do with a pencil. He said you can do so much with just a pencil. Mike said a good artist can do good work with very minimal materials. He said he's not sure what it would be like today to grow up because there's so much out there that kids see. Howard said he hit it right on the head. He said that it reduces it to these things and it's not clear what's good or bad. He said you see some painters who are so good it makes you wonder why you do these things.
Mike said there are people who are incredible talents and you think that they're just going to hit big some day.
Howard said music is something you create that's so brand new. He said it's the ultimate expression of art. Mike said he has always leaned toward make believe. He said he will create a character from his head when he draws. He said that when it comes to music he was copying thing a little bit to learn how they were made. He said he took 12 years of classical piano and toward that point he said to his teacher that he loved rap music. He said he fell in love with rap and stuff that was starting to use samples of rock music. He said he lived A Tribe Called Quest and stuff like that. He said his teacher didn't know how to show him how to do that. He said she told him that he should quit lessons and start playing with the equipment to do that on his own. Howard said what a beautiful person that is. He said she's telling him to go into something that she doesn't know about. Mike said to learn how to do that stuff is to buy the gear and just experiment. He said that's what he did. He said he started making some songs. Howard said you have to go in a new direction. Mike said he didn't love learning the songs that didn't impress his friends. He said if you played something that his friends wanted to hear then they were into it. He said even now kids still get excited over something they recognize.
Howard said he never saw Linkin Park when Chester was around. He said he has seen them on video and it always amazed him. He asked why he didn't have a guitar in his hands more. Mike said most of it was vocal driven. He said he does whatever it takes to write a good song and perform good song. He said in the beginning they didn't have the means to have more than one guitar. He said eventually they had more money and he got a guitar. He said they saw that he had a guitar and they didn't know that he had written half the riffs. Howard said he had no idea. Mike said he's not a good guitarist. He said he can get his ideas across. Howard said he has the songs in his head and he can write a song.
Howard asked Mike about getting the record deal and if he wanted to show the people who turned them down how good they were. He said that he was an angry dude himself and he wanted to scorch the other radio stations. He said he didn't need to do that but that's what drove him.
Mike said that they had met Chester right around that time. He said he had a friend in the band named Mark. He said he was the only other guy in the band actually. He said then they brought in the rest of the guys. He said they were friends too. He said they brought them all in and then showcased for the labels. He said that they were rightfully turned down. He said Mark eventually left the band. He said that people wonder what happened to him. He said Mark is still one of his best friends and he was good with taste in music and strategy. He said he became a band manager. He said he's doing great as a manager. Howard said the band name was Zero. He said he loves that name. Mike said that Mark wrote some songs with them and he has credits for those songs.
Mike said then they met Chester. Howard said they make great music together. He said Chester and Mike were the heart of Linkin Park. He said Chester sang and Mike rapped. He said it was such a unique sound. He said when Chester died it was such a loss. He said that it had to blow his mind. He said he can't imagine the pain he was in. He said they had the magic together. He said he would have been angry with Chester. Mike said here were points when he felt that way. He said even fans felt that way. He said that's natural and normal. He said it's a stage of grief. He said they don't tell you there are five stage of grief and they don't come in order. He said they can come back. He said then they get multiplied by other people. He said it was chaos for a while. He said there was no hard ending to it.
Howard asked Mike what it's like to work with someone who suffers from depression and substance abuse. He said it has to be the hardest thing for him to do. He said that it has to be hard for Chester too. Mike said it's important to say that too. He said that no one knew the depths of it. He said they never would have seen the outcome happening. Howard asked if he was difficult.
Mike said he didn't know Chester's stories when they met. He said he had a really tough upbringing. He said he was doing hard drugs on the roof of his school and things like that. He said he didn't grow up like that. Howard asked if it scared him. Mike said not at that time. He said the chaos was something that was very tangible with Chester. He said that he had an outsider kind of thing going on himself and Chester had that but in a different way. He said he was doing drugs because he had that addiction gene. He said that they related on a lot of that stuff.
Howard said he has friends who have suffered through a lot but Chester was beaten down by his world. He said he had people using him at a very young age. He asked if he worried about getting into it with him. Mike said that as it went along you can watch how it was going. He said the footage ended up online. He said this is the 20th anniversary of their album Meteora. He said they looked at some of those old videos and they were capturing everything. He said they had a friend with a camera catching a lot of that. He said they had it cataloged publicly. He said they were growing up in front of the cameras. He said they were experiencing a lot together. He said a lot of that was distracting them from what they were doing. He said they wanted toe do music for fun and now they're doing it to make a living. He said it was moving very fast for all of them. He said that relationship was just riding that thing together.
Howard asked if Chester was difficult to deal with the whole time. Mike said early days it was more difficult because they were still not sure how it was going to go. He said from then on it wasn't that difficult. He said things were tough all around at the start. He said they had Chester who would disappear for a few days. He said that he was fun though. He said he was like Fun Bobby on Friends. He said he was that way but then he'd be so dark one day. He said you just had to let him do his thing and get through the day.
Howard asked Mike if he was the guy who had to deal with Chester. He said he knows he had his demons but for Mike it had to be a lovely time in life and a horrible time in life. He said he knows the feeling of having to tip toe around a person. Mike said they took stands later in their career. He said that Chester tried hard to get better. He said he put a lot of effort into therapy and trying to stay clean for times. He said he'd slip up and then try again. He said it was hard being Chester. He said he and Chester's wife, Talinda, would talk about that. Howard said it was tough for him. He said it can fuck with you the rest of your life when you're fucked with as a child. He said you want to tell the guy you're on the top of the world. Mike said he did that. He said he told Chester he was tired of meddling and drawing a line with him. He said he didn't like it and Chester didn't like it. He said they had to get out of that pattern and Chester had to be the one who was in charge of it all. He said they had conversations like that. He said even by the mid 2000s he'd heard most of his stories. He said he'd bring in a song and he'd tell Chester about writing it and it was about a story he heard from Chester. He said that he'd play it for him and it would usually register with him. He said those were songs that he really did want to sing. Mike said he would be on board with a lot of those. He said he knew him pretty well. He said the band didn't travel together all the time. He said that he and Chester traveled together all the time. He said he didn't spent more time with anyone else.
Howard said there might not have been a Linkin Park without Chester. Mike said that it was so nuanced. He said that there were long stretches where it was incredible. He said that they had good days and bad days. He said Chester would show how wise and great he could be and then he'd be out of control. He said that you can snap over things and that could happen. He said that's just being human though. Howard said he imagines that it was tough for Mike. He said they're playing these huge shows and he has to wake up and deal with Chester. Mike said he didn't feel like that very often. He said if it was the case it was a very long time ago. He said Chester was very cagey about what he was using. He said he didn't know. He said alcohol was always a thing. He said there were times when he did very well at maintaining. He said that there was a long period of that. Howard said most musicians at their level have to perform at a certain level. He asked if that ever became a problem. Mike said he did put in an effort to get better at times. He said he can't think of any shows where he thought it was a bad show because of him using.
Howard said he's not sure about his writing process. He said Hybrid Theory is the biggest selling debut album in the history of the United States or something like that. He said that they got signed finally and they have the biggest debut album ever. He said that album came out and it was just crazy. He played some ''In the End'' and said he gets chills to this day over that song.
Mike said he wrote that song overnight in a rehearsal space. He said that he wrote the piano part and the rap and more of that song in that place. He said they weren't supposed to be there overnight. Howard said that this is one of the best songs ever. He said he wanted to be there and he lets his mind go. He asked if he just waits for it to come into his head or what comes into your head. Mike said there was one sofa in the space. He said they had a table with a computer on it. He said they didn't even have a chair. He said there was nothing else in there. He said it was just him and a computer and a sampler. He said he remembers playing the piano part. Howard asked what that piano part is. Mike explained what it was. He said that genius is something that's supposed to come to you and you're the vessel that it comes through. He said it's like fishing. He said you have your line out in the water and then you catch a big fish. He said he had that feeling with that song. Howard said that song did not exist and then it exists. Howard said that piano part comes to him. He played the song as he talked about that. Howard asked if the lyrics start coming to you. Mike said that he knew he wanted the back and forth with the singing and rapping. He said he thinks he had written the chorus that night. He said that he played it for the drummer the next day. He said the drummer said this is the song they've been waiting for. Howard asked if he got the chills when he wrote this. He said the vibe is mind blowing right here. Mike said it didn't feel big to him. He said he didn't know what a hit song felt like. He said he was feeling despondent. He said that's what the lyrics were about. Howard said despondence moves him so much. He said he loves that. Howard said he's despondent most of his life.
Howard asked if he remembers what Chester looked like when he did this song. Mike said yes. He said he was born for this. He said he feels like him singing vocals on albums and on stage was as happy as it got. He said that was as good as it got so he feels good about that.
Howard asked how many times he had to lay down that track. Mike said he's not sure. He said they didn't do a lot of takes. He said they would do that occasionally but they had a bunch of times that the first take was the take. He said they had one song where the drummer did the drums at home and brought them in and they work on it for 2 days and then they realize that the home recording was the best take. He said Rick Rubin thought that it should be the demo. He said that's why Rick is the guy. He said he knew. He said they went with the first take on that.
Howard said he has asked what it is with Rick Rubin because he has this wealth of knowledge with music and he knows what to do. Mike said that Rick would be worse off if he played an instrument. Howard asked if it bothers him that he doesn't wear shoes. Mike laughed and said not at all.
Mike said that they had six guys in the band and Rick will show up and just lay on the one couch in the room and not let anyone sit down. Howard said he produced this song ''What I've Done.'' He played some of that.
Howard said he was talking about the first album and it was like the fastest selling debut album. Mike said they were the number one album on the planet that year. He said that's really hard to wrap your head around. He said that you think about all of these bands that are huge today and they were bigger than them all. Howard said the songs were amazing. He played some ''Crawling'' and asked if Chester was pushing his voice so hard that he had to rest for days. Mike said this song was hard for him. He said it was easier for him to sing the screaming parts than do the chorus. He said that he does the screaming in One Step Closer and he could do that all day. He said doing the chorus was tough for him. He said his voice would start dying. Howard said he hears the screaming and he thinks that must hurt.
Howard said it makes him sad hearing the song. He said they have to get to the point. He said Mike is here today because they had this follow up album called Meteora. He said they had some amazing songs on that album too. He played some ''Numb'' while Mike was talking about how they had a lot going on at the time and it was tough to create that album. Howard said they had the freedom to do what they wanted and they had to figure out where to go with that. He said he can't imagine the pressure there. Mike said it was a balancing act. He said what they ended up doing was finding the right balance of what the fans were hoping for and being able to surprise them too. He said they had ''Faint'' and people were seeing that it was something different. He said that was their second single release. He said the third was the song with no heavy guitars and no screaming on it. He said that was ''Breaking the Habit.''
Howard asked if the record company came to them and said they can't put out a song like that. Mike said the band was aligned. He said they knew that they had to open up the sound to other possibilities. He said they had a song called ''Session'' that got nominated for a Grammy. He said they had a rap song and ''Breaking the Habit'' and the label said they could do whatever they wanted with the first single or two but they had to release that one eventually. He said the record company knew they were tapped into something.
Howard said it's weird when the record company tells you that you have all the freedom in the world. Mike said he does like to have other voices to help out.
Howard said that album was a great and the 20th anniversary album (Meteora 20) is coming out in April. He said Mike went back and found some stuff they did back then and they found some material that wasn't released. He said it's 3 songs with Chester's vocals all laid down. He asked if they had forgotten about them. Mike said he thinks they had intended to do something with them but they basically did forget about them. He said that when you do an album you make more songs than you need. He said they had made more songs back then. He said they had 12 for the album and the 13th would have been ''Lost.'' Howard asked how you forget about a song. Mike said when you get to a point you're looking to reinvent the band. He said on the third record they took a huge detour. He said they did everything all over. He said they went in a totally different direction so they didn't want to use an old song. He said that would have been ridiculous.
Howard said Mike goes back and finds these tracks. He asked if he thought it was like reconnecting to his brother or what. Mike said he heard the start of it and he knew exactly what the song was. He said he remembers the demo versions and what they changed and how they recorded it. He said all the memories all came back to him at the same time. He said they were looking for things to include in this package and they have this big package set up for this release. He said it's massive. He said they have 5 vinyl albums and a bunch of DVDs. He said they have a bunch of unreleased stuff on there. Howard said he loves stuff like that. He said he loves to hear demo versions of songs. He said sometimes they're better than the songs that were released.
Howard said he heard that Mike wanted to come on the show and he heard about the three songs. He said he asked them to send them to him. He said he sat and listened to them and he loved them. He said his favorite is ''More the Victim.'' He said he had to have Mike on to play this. Mike said this is a debut for the song. He didn't seem to know that he was going to play it. Mike said that no one is freaking out there so it must be okay to premiere it here. Howard said he thinks that's right. He said that this is a new song that has never been heard before. He said that Mike was sitting somewhere and found this song. Howard played the song.
After the song Mike said he remembers writing that song and how he came to Chester and said that he had written it based on a story that he told him. He said that it was about going back and forth with stories with someone and it was like a battle for who had the worst story. He said Chester was so angry with the other person when he's tell them a story. He said that when they got on the lyrics it was about getting Chester into the booth as soon as possible to get it recorded. He said he wanted him to have that intensity on the microphone. Howard said that's some dynamic they had there. Mike said that Chester would get a line and he didn't get it before and he would realize what he was referring to. He said it had to soak in. He said it was funny.
Howard said when Chester comes in with his singing after Mike's rap it's like a payoff. He said you get this weird feeling in you. He said he got it when he hears this song. He said that it's a great song. He said he's really glad he found these songs. He said the song ''Lost'' has been put out already. Mike said it's out now with a video too. He said you can't listen to the songs unless you're listening to this right now. Howard said this song ''Fighting Myself'' is another one. Mike said he and one of the guys in the band like this one the best. He said they like them all but this one is what they like the best. Howard said this song is great too. Howard played the song ''Fighting Myself'' and it starts out with Mike's voice. Howard said this is beautiful too. He asked who doubled the voice there. Mike said Chester did.
Mike said he knew this song was in the batch somewhere but he thought all they had was the beat and the verses and he didn't know that they had Chester's vocals. He said the management team sent him the vocals. He said they had all of the individual bits and he asked them to send it to him. He said he should turn this part up. He said he didn't know this was even done. Howard said this is a pretty good song to forget. Mike said he did this is all Chester from back then. Howard asked if he got sad listening to it. Mike said it's like an old photo. He said to have forgotten that it existed and then to be teleported back there it's a gift. He said he doesn't feel sad.
Howard asked about Chester's wife. Mike said she can't really listen to this stuff. He said it's too painful. He said he doesn't want to speak for her but he wanted to make sure that it was cool to put it out. He said she was fine with it but she wasn't going to watch or listen to it. Howard said she must trust him. He asked if they're still in touch. Mike said they are. Howard said Chester had six kids. Mike said it's complicated but everyone is fine. He said that he spoke to his wife and the kids are doing their own thing. He said one of his kids is into snow boarding and wants to do it professionally.
Howard asked Mike if he was upset about Chester going to sing with Stone Temple Pilots. He asked if he threw a fit. Mike said he was a little concerned but not pissed. He said he didn't want anything to get in the way of their main gig. He said they had a vision for what the band was. He said Chester would always bite off more than he could chew. He said he had a feeling it might be a problem. He said he did have a talk with him and he told him he had to be able to come in when he needed him. He said in general things were fine. He said what he loved about it was that Chester loved that band. He said he wouldn't have been the kind of singer he was without that band. He said he felt like he owed them that as a fan and he gets that. He said he thinks that Chester loved to get outside the thing that Linkin Park was. He said the band was the middle of his life and he wanted to do other things so he did some side projects. He said he played with some other bands and Linkin Park was the center of the Venn diagram for him. He said he did things on his own as well.
Howard said he understands his feelings on that. He said he'd be upset if he had someone who ran off to do something else.
Howard said this song ''Running from my Shadow'' is something that he really likes. He said he plays it on his show a lot. He said that Mike was doing his thing and he had to figure out what to do after Linkin Park. He asked how long he was grieving before he did this. Mike said he forgets. He said for him writing is something he always does. He said he always makes stuff. He said especially when he's in a funk. He said he has to express himself in some way. He said painting and music is how he does that. He said he has things going on in his head that isn't what's happening there. He said he's in his own dialog and those things aren't showing up on the canvas. He said with music he is channeling exactly what he's feeling and thinking. He said the job is to capture it with a poetry that your words can't capture. He said there are no words that can express what you're feeling.
Howard asked if this song brought him back to song writing. Mike said that the album Post Traumatic is something that got him through a traumatic time. He said that most people don't want to make an album during that time but he wanted to get it out. He said he started to use it as a diary. He said it wasn't exactly chronological but you get a sense that you start from rock bottom and work your way out of it the best you can.
Howard asked if he thought about not doing music anymore. Mike said yes. He said that it felt like too much to get back on it and try to do some version of music. He said that it was like being a member of a club that he didn't want to join.
Howard asked if he can relate to the guys in Nirvana. Mike said he's never spoken to any of them. He said he's trying to think of other people who have been through that and he can't think of anyone. He said he doesn't think he has had any conversations. He said that the differences might outweigh the similarities. He said the one thing that might overlap is that thing where you ask who am I as a person. He said the band was always a freight train of cultural information. He said that it was as meaningful as you can get with him and so many people. He said people can relate to the music and you can't separate the two. He said that's the difficult part.
Howard said he loves this song ''Running From My Shadow'' and played it. He talked it up like a WNBC DJ too. Howard said he loves that.
Mike said it's weird because it's like a little angry but he's also coming from a place of figuring out empowerment. He said he wanted to figure out how to have power. He said he was so unconfident and it took a lot of work to get back there. Howard said he had a whole system and he lost Chester. He said it would be like trying to do a radio show without Robin. He said he can't imagine what he went through. He said to come out with that song is amazing.
Howard said he was reading about how Metallica is a big influence to him. He said he loves these guys. He said he got to tour with them. Mike said they did. He said that their manager came out and let them know that they've been asked to do all summer with them and it was a dream come true. Howard said he loves that Chester went out and started skate boarding on stage. Mike said they band had never been pranked before. He said they were always so tough and dark and they wanted to do the least dark thing they could. He said they went out with a basket and food. He said they sent up a picnic right above Lars. He said they got the go ahead from their security people. He said the guys in Metallica were all laughing.
Howard said it must have been great to tour with them. Mike said that their drummer, Brad, was really into it. He said that they grew up near Brad and they were able to hear him listening to the band when they were playing video games. He said it was great to be able to play with their heroes.
Howard said the other band that was a big influence was Nine Inch Nails. He asked if he knows Trent Reznor. Mike said he's met him. Howard said that guy scared the shit out of him with those videos and stuff. He said he thought the guy was nuts. He said the concert was dark and scary. He said he's pure genius. Mike said one thing he loved about them is that they had an evolution. He said they went from album to album and song to song. He said it doesn't leave behind the core of the band. He said they took tons of risks. He said he thinks many other bands took cues from bands like that. Howard said he can hear that in their songs.
Howard said he was surprised to hear how much he likes Simon and Garfunkel. Howard asked if he's ever met Simon. Mike said this song, ''The Sound Of Silence'' is like a meme with 12 year olds now. Howard said he met Paul Simon in a bathroom once. He said he was going pee and he was washing his hands when Paul came over and said hi to him. He said he had so much he wanted to say to him and he articulated nothing to him. He said he was supposed to be some kind of communicator and he just blew it.
Mike said he had the same thing with Rick Rubin. He said when they met with Rick for the first time he was freaked out. He said he was terrified. Howard said he went to Rick's house once time. He said he had two dogs that would shit all over the house so he spent most of his time walking in dog shit. Howard said he had to get out of there. He said it was too hippy for him.
Howard said Mike was into Dr. Dre and other bands that Rick produced. Howard asked if he ever met Dr. Dre. Mike said he hasn't but he loves the guy. He said he they toured with Snoop. He said Snoop opened for them. He said he never smoked with Snoop. Howard said he can't handle weed. He said his fantasy is to smoke with Snoop just to bond with him. He said it looks like a lot of fun but he would end up hating him. Mike said if you're not a professional you can't hang. He said he's just going to laugh at him. Howard said the only guy who can hang with Snoop is Seth Rogen. He said those two go and smoke together and they have a good time. Mike said Seth does some amazing pottery. Howard said he's seen that. He said he started out kind of shitty but then he got really good at it. He said he makes some really nice stuff.
Howard said he did an interview with Snoop and he has a guy on his payroll that just rolls joints. He said he thinks that he invented the job. He said it's a full time job.
Howard asked how old his kids are. Mike said about to be 14 and 12. Howard asked if the they think he's a cool dad. Mike said he hasn't had the ''your dad is lame'' thing yet. He said that the funny part is when the kids fine out who he is they kind of figure it out and they get excited about that.
Howard gave Mike some pugs for the Meteora 20 realize that's coming out in April. He said the single is out.
Mike said he has a new song coming out and he has that in the new Scream movie. He said they asked him to produce a song for the movie and they put two songs in it. He said he's really proud of the song. He said he wouldn't have put it so close to the Meteora thing if he had a choice but it worked out that way. He said that fans want more music so maybe it's a good thing.
Howard asked if he would ever score a movie. Mike said he did for a movie called ''The Raid'' and he had a good time doing that. He said he'd do some smaller stuff because he enjoys being in the studio making album. He said that it's useful to be able to do the scoring thing. He said you learn how to do it and get it into the movie. He said the song in Scream is part of the movie and it's part of the credits. He said he's excited about that. Howard asked if Courteney Cox is in it. Mike said she is. He said that Jenna Ortega is in it too. Howard said she was good in Wednesday. Mike said it's a great movie too. He said Scream fans are going to love it.
Howard asked if they would do a Linkin Park tour. Mike said they aren't planning on doing it but it's possible in the universe. He said it would take some problem solving to get it to work. Howard said he knows most of the songs so he might be able to fill in for Chester. He even offered to sing for him. He sang ''Court of the Crimson King'' for him. He did the opening of the song and asked if that will work. Mike said that's incredible. Robin said people would come to see that. Mike asked if he was in bands. Howard said he was in Electric Comic Book, formerly Plumber's Union. He said they had two hit songs. Howard said he wishes he had that to play. He said he was in sixth grade when he wrote ''Psychadellic Bee.'' He said he won't bore him with that story. Howard gave Mike more plugs and wrapped up the interview.
Mike said that Howard has been so kind to them and the band so thank you very much. Howard said it was great seeing him. He let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said he thinks that Mike may call him about singing in the band. Robin said he may have never heard anyone sing like that before. Howard said he should do another song. He said that high part might have impressed him. He said he had a weird look on his face when he was singing though. Robin said he was not prepared for that. Howard said maybe in the end it really does matter. He said that those three new songs were really good.
Howard said they did a lot of show today and all good things must come to an end. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:55am.
Robin said he needs to write a lot more songs than that. Howard said any song he writes is going right on the album. He said he has spent his whole life not playing guitar or piano. He said he felt like he should be a rock star and have a novelty song or something. He's never been able to pull it off. Robin said he needs Rick Rubin to come and help. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he has worked with top producers before and they look at him like there's nothing they can do with him. Robin said they want him to leave the country.
Howard said he remembers having Pharrell Williams on and he asked him to help make a hit song. He said he was just kidding around and he sent some shit to him and he asked what the fuck this is. He said it was really bad. He said it was embarrassing. He said he sent over a few things. He had some audio of him working with Pharrell.
Howard said he told Mike about the band he had as a kid called Electric Comic Book. He said he was writing songs about hookers called Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes. He said he isn't sure how he knew about that stuff but he did. He played some of that song. He said he can't believe that's his voice. He did an impression of himself singing in 6th grade.
Robin said she's thinking that Howard was thinking that giving this girl a nickel she'd come and play with him. Howard said he knew the reality of the world. Howard said they were pretty drum heavy back then.
Howard said he stands by this song. Robin asked why he didn't play this for Pharrell. Howard laughed. He said he has tried to have a music career. He said they put out Hurdy Gurdy Man. He said he thought the guys in the audience would have some need for that. He said they put this out. He played some of that performance too. Howard said this is good. He said he's not sure what happened.
Howard said it's got a Marilyn Manson kind of vibe. He said this is good. He said you can't argue with success.
Howard said they did that live and they won against some celebrity wrestler. He said they worked hard on that. He said that's when he kicked Fred out. He said he called him and told him to get the fuck out of here. He said he stuck with that guy for 50 some years or something. He said he did what he had to do.
Howard said he wants to announce he's in the band Tuchus and they have Richard on drums and Steve on guitar. He said he's on lead vocals. He said that way they don't have to split the money more than 3 ways.
Howard said they even have cover art. He said they can put that up on social media. He showed Robin the cover art and it had a logo and ass cheeks. Robin said that's funny. Howard said they have toilet paper. Robin said it seems to be like ''what do you smell... Tuchus.''
Howard said the artist Attack Peter sent that in. He said he's done art for a bunch of bands. He said it's damn good if you ask him. He said the ass cheeks even have hair on them.
Howard asked Fred how long he was in the band. Fred said it was too long. He said he's anxious to hear this new band. Howard said Fred is going to be so fucked in the head when he hears this. Fred said he doesn't think so. He said he'll be glad he was kicked out.
Howard said he was going to name the band ''No Fred'' but he didn't do that. He said this new band is going to bring it home. Howard said the new band is Tuchus featuring No Fred.
Howard played the song ''Smell my Tuchus.'' He played it and said when he sent it to Rick Rubin he blocked his number. There's no way to explain this song in words.
Robin asked if this is a finished product or a demo. Howard said Robin was shocked by how good that was. Robin said she thinks it's a little rudimentary. She said they could have polished the lyrics a bit. Fred said he can say he couldn't have written a song like that. He said the song isn't for everyone. Howard said he already has haters and he just debuted the song. Robin asked if he's going to bring in more people to hear this. Howard said the word is out. He said Steve wants to play live somewhere.
Steve said he thinks they start in with radio play and put it on Pandora. He said Howard wants to get out more so they can do a concert at the Apollo. He said maybe they can get Wolfgang Van Halen on bass. Howard said he can get him. He said that kid owes him. Steve said he can play on his 5150 replica guitar. Howard said they don't have to fuck around. He said they can get Lars out there too. He said they can get Maneskin to open for them. Steve said they can write more songs too. Howard said he just has to come up with some lyrics. He had Steve play the new riff he has. Steve played it for them.
Howard said he can come up with something to go along with that riff. Howard said their concerts will start at 4:30 so he can eat dinner early. He said he has to be in bed by 7. He said he loves his bed so much.
Howard said in 1964 the Boston Globe wrote that the Beatles were awful. He said they don't tell you these things. He said they're way ahead of the game. Fred suggested naming the band Stink Floyd. Earlier he said Poo Fighters.
Howard said he can do a song about Metamucil. He made something up as Steve was playing. Howard said he doesn't want to give away all of their riffs. He told Steve to calm down over there.
Howard said Steve has the look the girls want. He said that's why he had to dump Fred. Robin said no one knows who Tuchus is so they have to introduce the band. Howard said Steve doesn't even have pubes yet so he has the youth for the band.
Howard told Steve to get out of there. He said that he felt bad kicking Fred out. Fred said now he knows how Steve Perry felt with Journey. Howard said Fred didn't deserve it though.
Howard said Fred was dead weight and he had to unload him. Fred said good luck to Richard and Nowicki. Howard said Fred knows he's not easy to work with.
Howard said he has so many things to get to. He said people are asking him about Eric Andre dating Emily Ratajkowski. He said that's the woman from the video with Robin Thicke. Gary said the song was Blurred Lines. Howard said he has a lot of mixed emotions about it. He said Eric has been on the show a bunch of times. He said it's nice to see hot sex symbols dating guys who aren't known for their physical attributes. He said Eric looks like a bus hit him. He said he's rough. He said so is he and he knows it. He said he looks horrible himself. He said the idea that Eric is banging Emily is mind blowing.
Howard said Eric Andre posted a picture of himself for Valentine's day and he showed his penis. He said he has a big one too. He said that he always had dick pics on Instagram in the early days. He said that he posted a nude photo the other day and you zoom in and you see he has a heart over his penis and you can see Emily Ratajkowski nude in the room with him. He said people are reeling from this. He said you can see her in the background. Howard showed it to Robin. Howard said he read the comments about that. He said they were telling her to be with her child. Robin said she is because Eric is like a child.
Howard said there is a part of him that gets angry about Eric dating Emily Ratajkowski. He said he is impressed that some of these women are opening up to the idea to be with a funny guy instead of a pretty boy.
Howard said Eric used to beg to be on the show and now he's dating Emily Ratajkowski and he stops calling. He said he's going to be afraid to come on the show to talk about that. He said he would have come in years ago and talked about how long it took to get his dick in her. He said now he won't come on.
Howard said he guarantees they're pretending that she doesn't even have a kid at this point. Robin said when they're together there is no kid. Howard said comedians with big dicks are the new accessory. He said pussy is a very powerful drug. He said it can cripple you. He said that Eric's manager might call and say they need him for the show and Eric will have second thoughts.
Howard said the old Eric would have lit Emily's apartment on fire and dumped chicken guts on it and put it on the internet.
Howard said he has a picture of Eric's penis. Robin took a look and said he's in that Medicated Pete territory. Howard said he's so jealous. He wondered if he chubbed up for that. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said imagine what he's doing with that and Emily. Robin said it's as big as Emily is. Howard said she is a tiny girl. He said when your cock has a shadow you're in business. He said you shine a light on it and it looks like the bat signal on the couch. He said the guy has a huge cock. He said it looks like the ropes they used to have you climb in gym class. He said Robin is impressed. Robin said she was not ready for that.
Howard asked if Robin thinks he went up a bunch of points when she saw that penis. Robin said you don't know if he can even use it right. Howard said come on. Robin said if that thing grows more than that he's in business.
Chris Wilding got on and said he thinks he's flaccid there and it must get even bigger. Howard asked if he could take that in his ass. Chris said he'd have to go really slow. He said he's never had one that big so he's not sure. He said he's only had half of that in his ass.
Howard asked if the guy in San Francisco was that big for Robin. Robin said it was on that level. She said it was thick. Howard said she did that with no lube. Robin said that he was very good looking too. Howard said Robin wasn't built for that so that threw her off and she got cancer because of it. Robin said stop it. Howard said that would be funny if they found out that's what caused her cancer.
Howard said the new band art work is on their @SternShow Instagram. He said they're on to something with that new song. Robin said she sees the route they're taking there with the scatological theme.
Howard said the old Eric Andre would have come in to talk about how he got Emily. He went through what Eric could have talked about if he had come in. He got into detail like he was fantasizing about it himself. He talked about how he took it slow at first and then he finally got her and put his penis in her and just the head at first. Howard said he wants Eric to come in and tell them. Robin said they may have to wait until it's all over. Howard said maybe. He said he can't give too many details or it all dries up. Robin said Pete Davidson brought Ariana Grande in with him and that didn't last long after.
Howard said they've been there for Eric so he thinks he owes them. He said these guys think they're a little too big. He said that he's with Emily Ratajkowski now and he won't come in. He said that they knew his penis when it wants so famous. He said that's his pan. He said he did Penis Karaoke. Robin said Eric backed out of a bit they asked him to do. Howard said that's because he checked with his chicks.
Howard said he wants Eric to come in there and tell them about what it was like with Emily. He started getting into weird details again. He had Eric telling him that his penis was so big that Emily had to sit on ice to cool her cooch down.
Howard said that would be a good interview. He said please give him that interview. He said come on Eric. He said it'll be the ultimate. Robin asked how long he'll be out there before he comes back. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they always helped promote his stuff. He said you'd think he'd come in and at least let him smell his finger after being with Emily. He said that's a bro thing you do. He said he's not sure who his bros are but he's sure someone has smelled his finger. Howard said Robin was dating a guy who came to him and asked if he wanted to smell his finger. He said Robin stopped dating that guy the next night.
Howard said they helped Eric out so much that he should be letting him smell his balls. Howard said the best thing about dating Emily is that Eric fucked his way to the front row at the Knicks games. He said he used to be third row or worse. He said J.B. Smoove used to be in the third row. He said now Eric is fucking Emily Ratajkowski and he's in the front row. He said he guarantees he can't even spell her last name yet and he's in the front row. Robin said this is a huge career move for him.
Howard said the fans used to crane their neck to see where Eric was sitting. He said now he's in the front row. He said he's got a good career but he's kind of struggling. He said he's not A-list but he's doing okay. He said now he's fucking Emily Ratajkowski and he's front row at the Knick game. He said you have to be a little jealous. He said god knows what's going on there. He said he needs to know.
Howard said last time Emily was on the court like that she was with Pete. He said that's how you know she's serious about someone. He said that Eric really should call in. He said he wants to know more. He said he saw that picture and Emily was nude in it with him. Robin said that might not be a good thing for a long term relationship. Howard said no one is looking long term with them. He said that Eric isn't stopping with her. He said he'll know when she's really committed when she starts dating Jeff Ross. He said him, Jeff, Eric and Pete. He said Jeff isn't in the pretty boy category either. He said Jeff should be dating Angelina Jolie or someone. He said this whole trend starts going big. He said then they see Jenna Ortega and Gallagher 2. He said then they'll know. Howard said Emily wore a tiny bra to the Knicks game. He said imagine that.
The caller said that there's a new Olivia Jade like girl on Instagram. She said her name is Alix Earle. She said she's Howard's type. Howard said she is. He checked her out and followed her. Howard said she's married. The caller said she's not. She said she's a party girl in college. She said she does the ''get ready with me'' kind of videos. Howard said he loves that. He said he's thinking of doing something like that. He said see how many people throw up.
Howard said she's pretty hot. He said she thinks she's hotter than she is. He said she's not that hot. The caller said she just pulled up her Insta and these do not do her justice. She said when you watch her on video she's very naturally pretty. She said she's 100 times hotter when she does her makeup. She said she seems cool. Robin asked how old this woman is. Howard said she's just like him. Howard asked if he has to sign up with TikTok to get those videos. The caller said he may have to sign up. The caller said she can make it easier for him.
Howard asked if JD follows this chick. JD said this is the first he's heard of her. He said he thinks she's hotter than Olivia Jade. Howard said he does too. The caller said it's really crazy the free stuff these beautiful people get. Howard said he knows. He said his wife gets that kind of thing. He said it's crazy what she's been offered. He said Beth has some real horror stories too. He said the payoff is that you get free stuff at the newsstand.
Howard said his wife was modeling and she got to fly a plane. Robin said she heard that story. Howard said she was invited into the cockpit and the stewardess asked her to come to the cockpit. He said that Beth went up and they let her fly the plane sitting on the captain's lap. Howard said he asked if he had boner and she said no but you know he did. He said that's a true story. He said hot chicks have it made. He said so do hot guys.
Howard asked JD how he follows this girl. JD said he can follow her. Howard said from now on JD can forward him the videos. JD said he can send him the links. He said you can go to the account and the videos are there. The caller said you can save the videos too. She said you just push a button. Howard said he should fire JD and hire this Michelle. He said she knows a lot. He asked if she wants a career in the business.
Howard said he was reading about Alix Earle being the daughter of Ashley Dupre. JD said that's her step mom. JD said that's a step mom porn he would watch. Howard said JD was in love with her. He said they tried to put him out on a date with her.
Michelle said that Alix did get married. She said what a mistake that is. Ralph called in and said she did get married and she married a fat guy. Howard said he's not going to follow her then. He said he's sticking with Olivia.
Robin said there's a gymnast out there that has a huge following on social media. Howard said he saw that. He said guys follow her and show up at her gym meets. Ralph said her name is Livvy Dunne.
Howard said Alix Earle just lost him now that he knows she's married. He said he likes her but her and her fat husband won't do it. Michelle said that she must keep it on the down low. JD said he sees she did a get ready with him when she got married.
Jon Hein told Howard the wedding was a fake wedding or a frat wedding. He said it's not real. Howard said he's back into her then. He said she is hot. JD was going crazy over her too.
Howard said imagine you're her father and you see this going on. He said on one hand you're happy she's making money but she's doing it with social media. He said she probably hasn't been to class the whole year.
Howard asked if Michelle is hot. She said she's average. She said she's got some weight on her. She said she's 5'8'' and she's about 160 something. Howard said he really has to go. He said she's a lovely woman. He said good luck. He said that he doesn't think she'll be flying any planes soon. Michelle said she knows that. Ralph said she has a great personality because she has to. Howard said call him back when she's 105 pounds. She said she knows she has to just eat jelly beans or something. Howard said she needs magic beans. Howard said he did love talking to her. He said that she is a beautiful person. He told her to go somewhere there's a famine going on. Ralph said go on Survivor or something. Howard said he's a big mess himself so he has no right to say anything.
JD said he's not sure when this Alix has any time to go to school because she's traveling all over the world. Howard said he's not sure what you need to get into the university of Miami. Robin said you just need tits. Howard said apparently. Howard said there's no way she shows up to class. Ralph said imagine how twisted her view of the world is. Ralph said her friends are cute but not as hot as her.
Michelle said that she went to the Super Bowl with her friends and they didn't have to pay. Howard said he'd like to know how that happens. He said he wants to know the details. He said he had to cram all weekend to pass classes. He said he had a full load of classes and he had to do work. He said he wasn't able to just fly to the Super Bowl.
Robin said they invited Kim Kardashian to Harvard to talk to students about social media.
JD said that Alix did a whole video about a day in class. Howard said she is hot. He said look at what she's wearing. He said you can see her asshole through her pants in that. He said she must be injecting her lips with something. JD said that she is doing Botox at least. Howard said she does look 35 in some of the shots.
Howard said enough about the hot chicks. He said this is crazy. He said he has a funny tape to play. He said this is that gymnast Livvy. He said this is fans going crazy for her. He played the clip of people chanting her name. Howard asked Michelle if she can imagine that. Michelle said she wishes. Howard asked her to send a photo. Michelle asked how she can do that. Howard said he's not sure. He asked Jason what to do. Jason said they can put her on hold and they can get her the info she needs. Howard said he wants to see what's going on with her.
Howard said Robin foxed herself up and she might be able to help. He said his father used to say tie a belt around your mouth. Ralph said he's not wrong.
Michelle said she's emailing the photo right now. Howard said he has to prepare for this. He asked what she's wearing. Michelle said hold on. She was writing the email. Howard said he heard Ralph is going on the Robin diet. Robin said it's not her diet. Ralph started to mention what he was doing but Howard cut him off to get back to Michelle. She said she sent one picture and she's working on sending more.
Howard asked Jason to get him the picture. Jason sent it and Howard said she's cute. Robin said look at what she's wearing. She was wearing a Helen Rose shirt. Howard said she's cute. He said Ralph is too. He said he has to move on. JD said that Alix Earle does have a boyfriend as of November of last year.
Howard said the person who has a girlfriend is Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said it's for real. Robin said that is not possible. Howard said he'll play tape when they get back. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.
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Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He said get to the good part. He likes the B.B. King ''I've been Downhearted Baby'' part.
Howard said that the Wack Pack has been dying off over the past few years. He said that Jeff the Vomit Guy is still around. He said yesterday was Valentine's day and they wanted to find out what he's been up to. He said he has an unusual love story. Howard said he did not have sex on valentine's day because his wife had her period. He said he got aced out. He said he's a big sex maniac and he didn't get it. He said she had that time of the month or whatever you want to call it. Robin said he'll get back to it.
Howard said you have to wait. He said some girls don't care and let you go right in. He said some girls don't care. Robin said it's different for different people.
Howard said he got burned once. He said she didn't know she was on her period and he got his red wings. He said it happened to him. He said that was nasty. He said he's a germ phobic but not when it comes to that. He said that all goes out the window.
Howard said he didn't know what he was doing. He was just lapping the whole area and he didn't know why she was bleeding. He said when he hears ''ouch'' he knows he went too far. He said he licks from the knee to the belly button. He said there's only so many things you can do to a woman to prove that you're in love. He said you go through that whole thing and do the kissing and play with the tits but not too much.
Robin asked if he goes through the whole thing the first time you're with a woman. Howard said you do go through the whole repertoire. He said now he just gets to the main event. He said you try everything out when you're first together. He said he was never a guy to lick your asshole. He said he doesn't get that carried away. He said that's not in his repertoire. He said he's not sure what he would do now. He said he and his wife have their routine. He said when you first meet you try everything.
Howard said never mind his routine. He said they're here to talk about Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said he thinks he's the grossest of them all. He said this is a guy who gets turned on by women puking. He said this is a woman vomiting on Jeff in the studio in 2004. He said this really happened. He played a clip where Jeff got puked on. They kept telling them to stop but they kept going. Howard said that's truly disgusting.
Howard said they never thought Jeff would find a woman but he has been in a relationship with a woman named Gloria for 30 years. Howard said Wolfie got the story. Robin said he's been begging for women for 30 years. Howard said it turns out he was in this relationship for 30 years and they didn't know about it. He congratulated Wolfie on finding this out.
Howard played a clip of Gloria talking about how they started out as friends and they are boyfriend and girlfriend. She said they don't have sex. Gloria said that they're friendly.
Howard said Jeff calls Gloria 25 times a day and he gave her an engagement ring but she lost it. Howard said they don't make love but they do fool around. Howard played a clip of Gloria talking about how she lets him play with her breasts in the bathroom. She said it relaxes him. Jeff talked about doing that and how he nice her titties are.
Howard asked what man in his 60s is satisfied with just playing with boobs. Robin asked if they went into the bathroom just while Wolfie was there. Wolfie said they have more that explains why they went where they went.
Howard played a song parody that Jeff did about how much he loves women vomit. Howard said Wolfie asked about Jeff getting aroused by breasts. Jeff said he does have a strong emotional attachment. He said that he has rarely had sexual intercourse. He said he has just had women get him aroused by doing his fetish stuff.
Howard said they asked Gloria how much she knew about this fetish. Gloria said she knows that vomit turns him on. She said she doesn't understand it though. Wolfie asked her what she thinks about that. She said she thinks it's a little stupid if you ask her.
Howard said they asked Gloria what she sees in Jeff. He said things became clearer as the interview went on. Howard played a clip of Gloria talking about how she's blind and she's got some other issues with schizophrenia and things like that. She said she was attracted to Jeff when she met him and he has nice high cheek bones and beautiful skin.
Howard said they asked them what they find in each other. He played a clip of the two of them talking about what they like about each other.
Howard said they gave Jeff a Sophie's choice of giving up Gloria or giving up his love of vomit. He asked Robin what she thinks will happen. Robin said she thinks the human contact would be a strong lure. She said she thinks Jeff chose Gloria. Howard said here's the answer. He played the clip and Jeff said he would give up the vomit thing for Gloria. He said his emotions are much stronger for her. Gloria said that's nice to hear. Howard said there's always the chance that she'll vomit. He said that would be fantastic.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was just wondering if he could play this whole interview unedited. Howard asked if there was some editing there. Wolfie said that had to be at least 2 hours long. Howard said that is a special. Wolfie said Gloria is in a medical facility and they have to do it in the bathroom because they don't want the other patients seeing what's going on.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Fake Jeff was there. Fake Jeff was talking about the other people he's dated like Helen Keller. He said he was in a relationship with Terry Schiavo too. The Jeff impression wasn't even close. Howard stuck with the bit for a short time and then bailed on it.
Robin asked how Wolfie found out about this. Wolfie told Robin about how they met in the street. Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Gloria this time. Another impression that wasn't even close. Howard didn't last long with that either.
The caller said he'd like to hear the entire 2 hours. Howard said he might want to hear that too. Wolfie said don't do it. He said that he's laser focused on the vomit stuff. He said he calls them like 25 times a day. He said women won't even take money to puke on him. He said he's so obsessed with it. He said he'll stand in an alley and wait for women to come out of a bar hoping they'll puke. He said he'll roam the streets looking for warm piles of vomit.
Howard said Richard has said that Jeff is the worst smelling Wack Packer. Richard said you know it's bad if he's saying it. He said he smells like rotten milk and bad meat. He said he thinks he has never washed his vomit off.
Howard asked Wolfie about what Jeff does with the vomit out there. Wolfie said he wants to be a vomit coach which isn't even a real thing. He said that he wants to have women vomit on him and teach them how to do it.
Howard asked how Jeff became the vomit guy. Wolfie said he was in grade school and a girl vomited in class and it's stuck in his head since then. Howard said when he thinks about Jeff he was thinking about his origin story and maybe he fell in a vat of vomit or something. He said it's much more normal than that.
Richard said he's the only Wack Packer that they have banned from coming in their studio. He said they have to record with him on the street.
Howard answered another knock on the door from fake Jeff. That lasted about 5 seconds this time.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to Marc Maron. He said he has a great special on HBO right now. He went into a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about how much they love Elvis Costello. He said Marc Maron is there. He said he's the man of the hour. He said he spent a good hour of the show talking about comedians dating hot chicks. He said he was obsessing on it. He said it seems to be a new thing. He said Pete Davidson was getting them and he thinks is a nice trend. He said that's good that guys who are funny are getting hot chicks. He asked if Marc likes that. Marc asked if there's push back on it. Howard said there is. He said people are jealous. Marc said it is about getting girls when you get into comedy. He said that it's nice it's working out.
Howard said he thinks that Einstein wanted hot chicks and that was his whole motivation.
Howard said he's excited to see Marc. He said he was thinking about him a lot after he saw the movie ''To Leslie.'' He said that he's friends with the director of the movie. He said Michael told him about this movie and he wondered if he had to watch it. He said he was thinking it was going to be something he wouldn't like. He said he sat with it for like a month and a half. He said then he and his wife sat down to watch it. He said they finally watched it like pulling nails out of their fingers. He said then he sees Marc in the movie. He said his guy is some emotional actor. He said he was so in love with him in this movie. He said he didn't know this side of him. He loved his whole thing in the movie.
Howard asked Marc how he ended up in the movie. Marc said he's been acting a bit but with a guy like him they're looking for someone to be an asshole dad or something. He said he plays the cranky guy all day. He said that he got the word that they wanted him to do this movie in the middle of the pandemic. He said he wondered why they wanted him to do this role. He said he can picture other guys to do this. He said he was thinking that guys must have turned it down for him to get it.
Howard said Michael Morris is the guy who just wanted Marc Maron in the film. Marc said he didn't believe that. He said he figured they offered it to everyone else and they all turned it down. He said he didn't want to do it but then they kept pushing. He said they got Chelsea Handler to text him about it. He said that he didn't want to piss her off. He said he talked to Michael and he said he wanted him and he didn't understand it. He said he saw his show and some things he had done and he knew that he had seen some of his shit. He said that it was a 12 day shoot and he just refused to do the accent. He said Michael said they'll figure that out later. He said that means he had to do the accent.
Marc said that he interviewed James Caan and he did some accents and he didn't do them very well. He said he leaned into the whole thing and he wanted to do it so he got a dialect coach. He said he did a Lubbock accent. He said that's what they went with. He said the coach tells him to watch some videos. He said it's just weird old interviews with Mac Davis. He said that was the only videos they had. He said he took the role and he got into it. He said acting is tedious. He said you sit in a trailer a lot. He said you wait in there 10 hours to say 3 lines. He said you sit there wondering what the fuck they're doing out there. He said he wanted to do it though. He said he wanted to see what it felt like to try to transform himself.
Howard said the woman Andrea Riseborough was so good in it. He said that he had to back her. He said that she's so good that it must be intimidating too. He said Marc is doing it as a lark and she's really doing it. Marc said he talks to a lot of actors. He said he knows Howard does too. He said he gets a lot of lessons from actors. He said he knew he wasn't great but he had done ''Maron'' and he knew he'd suck doing that for at least a year. He said that he wasn't that intimidated by Andrea. He said they convinced him it was safer to be on the set than going to the grocery store. He said he knew just enough about Andrea that it wasn't intimidating. He said that he started working with her and she was doing this Texan accent and it was stunning. He said she was doing this big thing and he just didn't want to fuck it up for her. He said he was just doing it to support her. He wasn't intimidated though. He said he was being tested all the time and wearing masks. He said they shot it on film too. He said you have to hit it when they do that. He said what made it better was that when they weren't wearing masks was when they were talking to each other. He said the intensity of interaction was in those takes. He said he Howard championing the film was great. He said he doesn't think anyone would have seen the film if that didn't happen. He said all he can say is that thank god he did okay.
Howard said he's right that no one would have seen the film. He said it was very good and he thought he had to try to help get the word out about it.
Howard said when Michael said to him that he wanted him to see the film he took two weeks to get it to him. He said he told his wife that they were so worried about getting it to him and no one would have seen it if they hadn't sent it to him. He said they just have to fuck with him like that. Marc said the best thing for it would have been for it to have been stolen. Howard said there was controversy over the whole Oscar nomination too.
Howard asked if he has gotten more roles since that. Marc joked that he has gotten a recurring role as a door man in a Melissa McCarthy movie. He said he was in Almost Famous when he was a kid. He said he was the one yelling ''Lock the gates!'' in that movie. Howard said he's hardly recognizable in that.
Howard said Marc was in The Joker too. Marc said that he wasn't too freaked out that he was with De Niro in that film. He said he was just a guy standing there doing his thing. He said he knew that he was doing something big. He said he and De Niro did a walk and talk and then they got into this room with Joaquin. He said the director asked them to do their thing. He said he was all set to do his three lines and he starts doing his lines and then he goes sit in his chair. He said he saw De Niro wave Todd Phillips over and talk to him. He said Todd told him he was coming in a little hot. He said he knew that was coming. He said that he was told he had to calm down a little bit because he was talking to his boss in this scene.
Howard asked if De Niro talked to him at all. Marc said he did and he's not a big talker but he got to talk to him. He said they had found some fake bombs at his office that day so it was a weird thing. He said he was very funny about it. He said it was at his office and Hillary Clinton's office so he said he was in pretty good company. He said Robert has his own traveling bunker that he brings with him. Howard asked if this is something of his own that he sets up. Marc said it is. He said why not. He said he's De Niro. He said why not be comfortable. Howard said it is amazing. He asked if he got invited over to that trailer. Marc said he did not. He said you have to know your place.
Marc said that watching De Niro was really interesting. He said he knows that the whole acting thing is your face and he knew exactly what he was doing. Howard said he's blown out by that and good actors can do stuff that's very subtle.
Howard asked about Marc auditioning for Avatar. He said he must have wanted the role. Marc said not really. Howard said it's crazy that he auditioned for something he didn't even want. Marc said he had this agent at the time and he was an old style guy. He said his name is John Burnham. He said he had to go to Long Beach for this audition. He said he had an airport hanger that he was doing the auditioning in. He said they have all kinds of stuff going on in this place. He said they're working out stunts and shit there. He said that James Cameron told him that he'd have to move to New Zealand for like 9 years if he got the role. He said that he didn't want to leave his house because he has cats.
Marc said he sat there for like 45 minutes and did this audition. He said it was kind of cool going there to see James' stuff from his other movies. He said he was just floating around with his lines and he was doing the whole thing and he got out of there. He said he knew it wasn't going to happen for him and he was very relieved. He said he didn't want to move to New Zealand for 2 years.
Marc said he had an agent for a while and he would ask him to go out for something and then he'd go and then he didn't have an agent after.
Howard said Marc is basically doing a one man show when he does comedy. He said it's in a way playing a character up there. He said he's theatrical doing that. He said it makes sense that he'd be a good actor. He said the way he was kicking the floor during his special showed that he has orchestrated it a lot. Marc said that when you're acting as a stand up you don't have to listen to anyone else. He said that you're a self contained thing.
Howard said he once talked to Chris Rock about working with Jerry Seinfeld about his act. He said he thinks that Marc would have someone to talk to about his act. He doesn't have that though. Marc said he has no friends. Howard asked if he has friends who do that for him. Marc said it took a year and a half or two years to come up with that special. He said he has to trust that he's funny to do that. He said this is about as good as he's going to get. He said there are people that he will talk to and they'll help him out a little bit. He said that he doesn't have anyone that will sit through an hour of comedy for him. He said he bounces some things off of some friends. He said he did it all in pieces and he did that all in small theaters.
Howard said his comedy special is called From Bleak to Dark and it's on HBO and HBOMax. He said that name shows he's miserable and he talks about that in the special.
Howard said Marc has this podcast and he feels that gave him a new life and a new energy. He said he caught vibes of George Carlin in this special. He said he made all of this stuff funny that was so dark in his life. He said that kind of confidence seems to come from the success of the podcast. Marc said it all came from that. He said he has been around for a long time and he didn't have an audience. He said the podcast really helped. He said he would get listeners coming to the show to support him thinking that he didn't have the ability to do comedy. He said that people know you in a different way from the podcast. He said the podcast did give him a confidence. He said having an audience changes things. He said he had people who wanted to come see him. He said he has been doing comedy since the late 80s. He said he has the chops.
Howard said it was great talking with Marc last time. He asked if he has straightened out his issues with the other comics he had issues with. Marc said he's happy to have what he has. He said that he's not sure what he would even do in an arena. He said his career is exactly correct for him. He said that Howard probably knows it too but you have dumb insecurity and things like that. He said that he's just wondering how he stops. He said he wants peace of mind.
Howard said he thinks that they have anger from the same place and that's from their fathers. He said his father was very rough on him. He said he was very cold toward him. He said he wasn't in touch with it. He said he'd get on radio and take it out on the air. He said he wanted to swallow the world and it was very Trumpy. He said he didn't get the love as a kid. Marc said it's like a cosmic ''fuck you dad.''
Howard said Marc talks about his parents in the special and people were saying he's too old to complain about them but he says fuck you to that. Marc said his parents weren't cut out to be parents. He said they shouldn't have had kids. Marc said his parents just did it. He said it's just what you did in that generation. Howard asked if his dad was a narcissist. Marc said he was but he was a surgeon. He said he was very absent and he wasn't there for him. He said when he was around he was probably bi-polar. He said that he has dementia now. Howard said his dad went kablooie at the end too. He said his father said he looks like that guy on TV when he'd see him.
Howard asked Marc what happened when he asked his parents why they had kids. Marc said his mother's main goal in life was not to be fat. He said he did a joke about how he was her fat as a kid in his act. He said there's a very fine balance between sad and silly. He said that his dad was very self involved. He said he was never home because he was out doing whatever he was doing. He said when he did come home he's yell something about his missing hat.
Marc said there doesn't seem to be a statute of limitations on what you can say about your kids. He said one year he was helping his mother out and she said when he was a baby she didn't know how to love him. Marc said that must be the answer to all of his therapy.
Howard said his mother is 95 and she's laying in bed all the time and miserable. He said she said to him the other day that she's not sure if she was ever able to love anyone. He said he was sitting there hearing that. He said she was telling him that she's not sure if she loved him. Marc said that people say they tried their best but it's obvious they didn't. He said that he and his dad fought a lot. Howard asked what that means. He said he sees that he can not cow tow to his father. Marc said his father grew to love it. He said they fought it out. He said that he was the only one who could get his father to laugh when he was depressed. He said that's probably why he ended up doing what he does. He said that his father can't hurt him anymore and he would bust his balls even more. He said his father would come to see this stuff in his act. He said his father is with this woman Rosie now and he thanks Jesus for that. He said he's not even religious but he thanks Jesus for Rosie. He said that he's willing to help her out with his father with anything.
Howard asked if he ever wonders why he helps his father out. Marc said that you can see things in your parents that made you who you are. He said his father has some excitement about some things and he can make the guy laugh. He said that it's a rewarding thing. He said there comes a point when a narcissist has to reckon with you and there's a respect that starts to happen. He said he pushed his father against the wall once. He said he was yelling at him and he was breaking him down and breaking him down and then they get to this point where his father just goes ''Fuck you!'' He said that wears the core of his father. He said you have to respect that.
Howard said he never had the balls to confront his father. Marc asked if he was afraid that he would hurt him. Howard said he didn't think that but he had this power over him.
Marc said his dad would come out to see him and he came to see him in Pasadena. He said that he was with his wife Rosie and he shit on that guy for an hour in front of people and his dad was hysterical. He said he loves the attention. He said he didn't care if it was good or bad. He said that he just cared that people were hearing about him.
Marc said that he did the jokes about his dad in a special that they came to see an Rosie said she wished he had done more. He said he asked her if he wanted him to punch him in the face in front of her or something.
Marc said his parents weren't good parents but he has grown to appreciate both of them. He said he knows people who are his age that talk to their parents every week. He said he's not sure why they do it.
Howard said he had so many great bits in that special. He said he has that bit about the confident stupid that's out there today. He said it's really scary.
Howard asked Marc how he writes a special like that. He said he loves talking to guys like him. Marc said he has a process. He said he does write down ideas and he will work it through on stage. He said he has to thank some bigger cosmic thing because he has a funny idea and he has to figure out where it's going. He said he'll improvise it on stage. He said he will get on stage and it'll just come to him and he'll deliver. He said that it's all worked out by repetition and improvising. He said heroes to small theaters to work it out. He said that his fans know and they come out and they evolved it like that.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld has his whole act worked out and written down. Marc said he can't work like that. He said that he's more emotionally chaotic and he has to do it in a different way. He said he has two or three beats in his special that didn't happen before. He said it's a weird gift that happens. He said he'll walk off the stage after 2 hours and he'll have a line that's new that was the high point of the night. He said there are some jokes in the special that he did that weren't prepared. He said it makes it exciting.
Howard said Marc has a joke about his relationship with this Lynn Shelton and he set the joke up perfectly. He said it could have gone horribly wrong but he did it the right way.
Howard said he likes seeing both of these kind of acts. He said he likes what Marc does but he likes what Jerry does too. He said that he can understand where Marc is coming from because that's kind of the way he does the show. He said he had an idea for the Eric Andre thing this morning and he just worked through it on the air.
Marc said he thinks what he's saying about Jerry is true. He said he's not going to do a show completely unprepared. He said that he likes to do a show that's not that calculated. He said that Jerry thinks there is no other purpose than to make people laugh but there are other things to think about. He said you want people to think and not just laugh. He said he remembers watching comics growing up and he had a brain that was full of dread. He said he was able to reframe everything with jokes. He said for him that was a gift. He said a fucking moron can get laughs. Howard said he knows, he's done it.
Howard asked Marc if he thinks there are comedians that have changed the comedy world. He said he feels like Chappelle is one of those guys. He said he's very good at that. Marc said there are some bits that he has done that are so well articulated. He said you wonder where he's going with it. He said sometimes he's able to put large pieces of it together. He said there are some comics who go under appreciated. He said his parents took him to a comedy show to see Jackie Burning when he was just 11. He said that was mind blowing. He said that there are a lot of great comics out there but there's this weird thing going on with comedy and people think you have to get $50 million to be a great comic. He said that some of the best comedy is when you see it with 250 people in a club.
Howard said we always need an end game so that's why people want to see them get that $50 million deal. Marc said it wasn't always that way. He said there are hundreds of comics out there wandering the world. He said they're out there just trying not to kill themselves.
Howard said last time he was on he was talking about Sam Kinison and working with him. Marc said he still goes to the Comedy Store to work out his material. He said he was sitting in the back lot smoking cigars and some young guys came over and talked about how much they like Cigar Marc because he hangs out and tells stories.
Howard asked Marc about hanging with Keith Richards and if he got him smoking again after he had quit. Marc said he did smoke with him but he didn't get him smoking again. He said that he was hanging out doing an interview with Keith and he was smoking. He said he asked to just hold one. He said he was holding it and talking to him. He said then Keith throws a lighter at him and hits him in the head. He said Keith is his hero so he had to smile. He said he smoked Marlboros because of Keith. He said he really was his hero. He said that he interviewed him for a special and he was wearing this beanie. He said that he looks great in it. He said that he's wearing this fucking beanie and he asked where he got it from. He said that his publicist told him where to get it. He said he ended up buying this thing and he puts it on and he stands in front of the mirror. He said he realizes that he's not Keith Richards. He said this beanie was $300.
Howard said it's such a shame that he lost his girlfriend Lynn. Marc said she was a great director. Howard said he has a lot of material about her in the special From Bleak to Dark. He said it's a great special. He said Marc had been through a lot with his two marriages and he finds this woman. He said that he loves that he points out that he's 59 and he's avoided having children. Marc said sometimes it's best that you don't. Howard said it was great to hear him talking about the kids thing. He said then he gets to the girlfriend and how he found this soul mate or a best friend. He said then he loses her. He said he thought the story was that she got COVID. He said that's not the case. He said COVID did keep her from going to the doctor. Marc said that's true. He said it was an undiagnosed condition. He said she had Leukemia. Marc said she got sick and it was a week. He said you think about it a lot. He said it was just a week. He said they thought she had the flu. He said it just happened so fast. Howard said she didn't rush to the doctor or anything. Marc said she had swollen glands and they went to get tested for COVID. Marc said she did a video doctor appointment. He said they told her to try some things. He said her fever was only 101-102 so it wasn't that weird. He said he got scared after the antibiotics. He said she wasn't a doctor person though. He said she had learned to deal with some things over the years. He said they made an appointment to go to the doctor and that night she collapsed. He said he called the ambulance and that's the last he saw her. He said that's it.
Marc said he was hoping that he showed up for her in a loving way. Howard said he's so right. He said that his wife will call him a baby if he's in bed complaining. He said you have to get up and rally a bit. Howard asked if her family went after him for not acting fast enough. Marc said not that he knows of. He said she got sick and died and they weren't together long enough for him to integrate into her family. He said she came on his podcast in 2016 and he met her there. He said they wrote a script together and she directed some episodes of his show. He said that they could kind of feel something was there over the years. He said they were both with other people but it became undeniable. He said she directed two of his specials. He said she directed the one before this one and another one. He said that she made the movie ''Sword of Trust'' with him. He said she gave him a confidence that lives on with him.
Marc said when the ambulance came to take her away he asked for her phone. He said she didn't want to give it to him. He said he asked for her code then. He said he got that and he had to tell an ICU nurse to get him her family contacts. He said he didn't know who her family was. He said he had met her father once at a film festival but not as her boyfriend. He said this is how he got to know her family. He said that he didn't think he should be the point person there. He said that's how they got into it. He said he was the emergency contact for Lynn.
Marc said after she passed away he reached out to her ex-husband. He said he didn't think he had very good thoughts about him. He said he doesn't know the story of their life but he figured he can't be too happy with that relationship. Marc said that he had to deal with a lot of stuff during that time. Howard said he can't deal with that kind of stuff. He said he'd need help.
Marc said he reached out to her ex husband and he told him he was with her and if he had any questions they could talk. He said they did and it was rough. He said it wasn't in an angry way. He said it was two guys who were just talking about this woman they loved. He said it was some real man shit.
Howard said this is what he probably wishes his father could do. Marc said he heard from one of her friends and they watched the special. He said they loved it. Marc said he does wonder what her family would think. He said that one of the family members reached out and asked him to stop doing the interviews because people are grieving there. Marc said he is too but he backed off. He said now it's starting up again.
Marc said he wrote a book of memoirs and he wrote about his dad and gave him a hard time in the book. He said that his father was terrified for it to come out. He said that his dad was upset with him and he asked if he wanted money or something. He said yes and he asked how much. He said his father asked for $100,000 and he said he'd give him 5 and he took it.
Marc said if he did the show without jokes about Lynn it could be really good. He said he layered the jokes on top of it and it works. Howard said he did it in a great way. He said he did give him some breathers in there with the jokes. Marc said that he did wonder if Lynn would like it. He said being with someone who is dead is a profound thing. He said you can't be more vulnerable than being dead. He said that one joke is daunting to him. He said he did it though. Howard said he still questions that one joke. He said that he wonders if he's not honoring her in the right way. Marc said he does wonder if it's disrespectful. He said he's still feeling something and he was questioning if the balance was there. He said the joke is sad and upsetting. He said that he does the joke and he feels like the audience is wondering why he stopped the feelings.
Howard said he's not sure when this happened but he must still be feeling it. Marc said it happened in 2020. He said he's seeing someone else now. He said that he's a little distrustful. He said that he's getting old too and he's not sure. He said that he's been in some bad relationships but he can be honest about where he's at. Howard said most of his relationships have been negative and aggravating. Marc said they can be scary. He said he knows he's self centered and all of that. He said he's not sure why he needs someone in the house telling him that every day.
Howard asked Marc about what scares him about love and how he knows he's at that point. Marc said he was in a relationship for 2 years after someone telling him that they aren't into him. He said with Lynn he did trust her and she was a giving person and she was full of excitement about life. He said she was not a negative person. He said she had his passionate excitement. He said everyone knew it about her too. He said she was a joy to be around.
Marc said Lynn was very supportive of what he does. He said he's in and out of it himself.
Howard said he's glad he got into the aging thing. He said he's 10 years older than Marc is and it's not for wimps like his mother always says. Marc said he's just trying to let it happen. He said there's nothing he can do about this. He said sex is still very important. Howard said it is with him too. Marc said maybe food is important but sex is still important. Howard said he's still whacking off to porn. Marc said you don't want to ruin your routines. Marc said he wants to do the joy thing in his life. He said sex is part of that. He said there's no reason not to do that.
Marc said he's been thinking about moving to Canada. He said that he used to go there to do comedy and he thought it was like America without fear. He said all of this shit goes away when you go up there. He said he's ready for boring. He said he needs to go to a place where he doesn't need to struggle with the language. He said that he'd like to go up there maybe someday.
Howard said maybe Marc has found love again. Marc said that things are evolving. He said that things are going well. He said it's good.
Howard asked Marc what the proper amount of time to wait is. He said you can't date a week later. He said that you have to wait a bit. Marc said that would be a bad first date. Marc said that maybe not opening your heart but your pants. He said that it was a lonely time when he was alone. He said he waited a few months before reaching out for some companionship. He said there's something soothing about being with someone. He said you want to feel better. He said you can't make the grief go away. He said eventually you are a person and you're sad and you want to feel better. Howard said he must have really been alone during COVID. Marc said his brother came out for a while. He said it's still right there. He said that he tries to manage the crying business. He said it's like their anger and it's right under the surface. He said he still cries about it. He said he can stop it now though. He said you sometimes want to let it happen. He said he didn't cry here but maybe don't cry on Howard.
Howard said his heart goes out to him. He said that it would have been good to cry on the show. He said he would have had 5 million more podcast followers. Marc said he would have had 5000 more comments about how this guy cried on Howard.
Howard said it's okay to cry. He said he sees that now. He said that we've called it weak and feminine to do that but it's okay to cry. Marc said that the vulnerability is okay. He said we should be moving toward that. He said it's funny how a well thrown ''pussy'' can hurt. He said he was at Whole Foods and this woman pulled in behind him to get his space. He said a guy pulled in behind her and starts yelling ''fuck you'' to him when he explained what was going on. He said the guy drives off and said ''Fucking pussy!'' and it hurt. He said he got him at just the right time.
Howard said he loves Marc's special and his work in ''To Leslie.'' He said he's so sorry about Lynn dying. He said that just sucks. Marc said thinks. Robin said life is never predictable. Marc said it's not unusual. He said it's a guaranteed thing to lose people.
Howard asked Marc if his brother shares the same experience with his parents. Marc said it was worse for his brother. Howard said he and his sister see things differently. He said that's interesting that his brother had it even worse. Marc said that his brother did things differently. He said he iced his dad for a long time. He said they were at a Bar Mitzvah and he picked his dad up to go to this thing and he told him that he didn't get anything out of hanging out with the grand kids. He said he wanted to go shopping for slacks instead.
Howard gave Marc some plugs for the HBO special and wrapped up. He said Mark is also on the comedy channel there. Marc said he likes the odd little residual checks he gets quarterly. Howard went over some of the stuff they talked about and some of the stuff in the special that he enjoyed. Robin said she enjoyed that special too. She said that the Alzheimer's stuff got her since her dad had that. She said he talked about the ''sweet spot'' and she knew exactly what he was talking about.
Howard let Marc go and said he and Robin have to get going. He said keep an eye out for Tuchus.
Howard said next Wednesday they will have Pink on to perform a little bit. He said they have a lot to talk about next week. He said he will tease that they have some Lenny Dykstra stuff set up for Robin next week. He said she'll see.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg who said that he has only cried once in his life. He said he has to man up. He said that he cried when Tom Brady retired. Howard let him rant for a minute before wrapping up that bit. Howard ended the show around 10:45am.