For the week of 01/03/2022 to 01/07/2022

• Back Live - Howard's Heat Problem, Oprah And More. 01/03/22. 7:00am
  Howard and the guys were back live after Christmas vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about how he spent a fortune putting a new video system in his house and it's not working. He said he has this panel here to turn it on and it's not working. He said he's rebooting every minute. He said he wants to turn the heat up and he can't get it to work. He said he has no air down there. He asked what the fuck is going on there. He said he hired a new company and nothing works. He said he paid the guy a fortune. He said he should go Amish. He just wants to read books instead. He said he'll change his name to Jebediah. He said he's going to stomp grapes and build his own barn.

  Howard said every time he goes to touch something the screen won't come on. He said nothing is working. He said it's so new that it still has plastic on it. He said things just randomly die. He said they tell you that it's ''just because'' and they don't fix it. He said the tell you that they knew it when the switched something. He said he doesn't want them in there every minute with the pandemic going on. He said it's a waste of money. Robin asked why he got it during the pandemic. Howard said he got it during the summer. He said it was right before summer maybe. He said they were down in Florida and they let people in the house. He said it's a disaster. He said he wants to adjust the air conditioning and it's not working. He said it's very hot in there. He said he wanted everything in one system. Robin said that never works. Howard said the guy told him he had to hire the right people and it would work. He said he's knocking his head against the wall. He said he can't go on the air and announce their name. He said no one will use them. He said no one seems to care anymore. He said all of his power is gone. Howard said people used to be afraid of him but not anymore. He said no one is afraid now.

  Howard asked if his guys Matt or Jeff are there. Someone said they're not there so they're reaching out to someone else to get it fixed. Howard said it's the big screen that's not working. He said Robin could solve hopelessness with this system. He said that's how much it cost. He said the homeless are all over the street and you'd be able to help them if he used this money for that. He said these people would be fine.

  Howard said it's so hot in there that he might have to get naked. He said he's not sure where to begin. He said they were on vacation for 2 weeks and the had a wild week before that. He said they had a bunch of guests on. He said they made a lot of news. He said he was watching Oprah during vacation. He said that everyone is getting sick with COVID and he was hiding in his house. He said everyone is out running around and Oprah is having dinner parties. He said it looks like it's Gayle King and about 20 young ladies from Africa who are orphans. Robin said she does have a school she opened and she has them over. Howard said he was watching this Oprah and she has these young girls over who are invited to her estate. He said in every video she marches out a new chef every night. He said she yells in her house and sings that she has this new chef there. He said she tells everyone what they're having to eat.

  Howard said they have these cheddar cheese biscuits used as bread for a sandwich. He said he's wondering what happened to the weight watchers thing. He said it's unbelievable. He said she wears this skin tight jogging outfit and you see everything. He said it shows everything on her. He said he's not sure what's going on there. He said he doesn't know what happened to the Weight Watchers. Robin said she has commercials on. She said there's a lot of commercials starring Oprah. Howard said this woman Jean Nidetch started Weight Watchers. He said they had meetings to humiliate each other so they'd lose weight. He said it was a good idea. He said they gave you a free package of Melba toast and things like that. He said now Oprah owns Weight Watcher. He said she has people on to talk about food and they have new chefs. He said she has so much wealth and she should be embarrassed by it. He said he's embarrassed to say what he paid for his video system but she'll just tell people.

  Robin said she always gets Howard something from Oprah's favorite things as a gift and he never says a thing about it. Howard said it's not his favorite thing. Robin said she has so much stuff. Howard asked if that's the hand sanitizer. Robin said it's Oprah's favorite thing. Howard said she threw this thing in called Snap or something and he had to throw it out. He said he went online to learn how to put it together. He said it sprays you with a mist of hand sanitizer. He said the thing never worked once for him. He said they just don't work. Robin said they're awful. Howard said this is such a piece of shit. He's not even sure what it's called. Robin said you spend all this time with it and it doesn't even work. Howard said he hates Christmas. He said Robin got him a great gift though.

• Howard Wanted To Fire Gary Over A Gift. 01/03/22. 7:15am
  Howard said he was so fucking angry with Baba Booey over the break. He said he wanted to fire him. He said Gary is such a dick. He said Beth had to calm him down over this. He said he went ballistic over this thing. He said he was listening to the radio and he heard this segment called ''Gary is annoying'' on the station. He said he was going to be nice to him but he's such a cunt that he can't be nice. He said he wants to be funny like the guys on the show and he's not funny.

  Howard said he got a box in the mail and he hates that. He said he doesn't want anything. He said this box was taped up with a ton of tape. He said he had to cut it open with a knife. He said this was right before he was going into a Zoom meeting. He said one of his beefs with Gary is that he has too much spare time. He said he's not working 8 hours a day. He said Gary will deny it but he knows he's not working. He said he should be working for him but he's doing personal stuff. He said he knows that. He said he would bet 10 billion that he's not working 8 hours a day. He said he just knows it.

  Howard said he got this gift at like 6:45 in the morning and he had a meeting at 7. He said just give to Beth's charity if you want to give him a gift. He said he got this box open and it was a George Takei Box set of Allegiance. He said this is Gary making a joke. He said he wrote that he hopes that it gives him hours of enjoyment. He said this pissed him off so much. He said Gary feeds his family because of him. He said he knows he would have been a postal worker if he hadn't given him a job. He said maybe he would have worked at Amazon. He said he wouldn't have a mansion or a Tesla if he didn't have this job. He said he had to send him this garbage. He said he didn't know what to do with this gift. He said he wanted to throw it out but he didn't want to do that because he's environmentally conscious. He said he went on a walk with Beth later and she had to calm him down. He said that Gary isn't even original with this. He said it's a joke and he had done things like that with Jimmy Kimmel. He said now Gary is trying to be funny. He said he wants him working and not trying to be funny. Robin said he likes Gary when he books a guest. Howard said that's right.

  Howard said Gary brought up such an anger in him. He said Beth had to calm him down. He said she wanted him to send it back to Gary. He said just leave him aloe and don't invade his privacy with this box.

  Howard said what a laugh he had with this thing. Howard said Beth told him at least he was thinking of him. Gary said he was very fearful of him this morning. He said he was thinking about what he could have done. He said that he was thinking that Howard could goof on it on the air. He said that's the thought process there. He said it wasn't supposed to be a joke. Howard said he was irritated from the start. He said he knew he shouldn't have opened it. He said Jimmy sent him a message about the segment that they ran called ''Gary is annoying'' and he didn't think that he was annoying. He said then he got this box. He said this was some nightmare for him. He said Beth really calmed him down. He said he wishes she'd come in there and tell you how annoyed he was.

  Howard said he knows he's nuts but Gary should know that. He said he shouldn't be sending him this stuff. He said Beth had to take this thing out of there and get rid of it for him. He said Gary had to put so much work into this thing. Gary said he's sorry about that. Howard said don't apologize. He said Beth knows that his anger is off the chart. He said Gary should love his boff. Gary said he thought it would be good for show material. Howard said he doesn't want that as a gift. Gary said he was going to get him another pen. Howard said he would love that. He said Robin got him one.

  Gary said he almost got him an autographed version of the box set. Howard said he didn't have to do that. He said he loves George but he's not into this. He said this is a set of DVDs for this Allegiance musical. He said that's the play that stayed on Broadway a couple of weeks. Howard asked who is going to buy that. Robin said so many people missed it that they have to get it. Howard said it was the DVD and what else. Gary said there are some trinkets or something in there.

  Howard read about the box set and what was continued in it. It included a lot of footage from the musical that was taped while it ran. They had a bunch of extras in there. Howard said the have a poster set and other things in there. There was a lot in the little box that Howard got.

  Howard said that's what you get. He asked Gary what he paid for it. Gary said it was like $170. He said he got it in the mail and it was just one DVD. He said he found out that they send you a regular DVD for free. He said he got that and gave that to Goodwill. He said it would have been $299 if he had gone for the autographed version. Howard said there you go.

  Howard said he may have to listen to the commentary track. He said it sounds like Gary might have been right. He said this isn't Hair or Damn Yankees though. He said this thing ran for a couple of weeks.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who asked if Gary thinks his show is a joke. He said how dare you. He said Howard should put it in and play it. Robin said he doesn't even have a DVD player. Fake George said they have other posters that they created for this box set. He told Howard about what was included in that.

  Howard said he has to figure that maybe they've sold 5. He wonders who would buy it. He wondered who that could be. Fake George was telling Howard more about the stuff included in the box set that should get it to sell. He said there are many imposters out there though. Howard said he was thinking about it and maybe it is a good gift. George said they were stunned when they found out they sold one box set.

  Howard said he was pissed but now he wonders what's included in the commentary track. He said he might have to listen to that. George was going on about the other things that are included in the box set. Howard thanked George and let him go.

  Howard said maybe he was wrong and Gary gave him some gold. Gary said he accepts that and he will forget the hurtful things he said. Howard asked what it was that he said. Robin said he was going very far calling him the C-word and all of that. Howard laughed. He said he did say that he as good enough to work at the post office. He said he didn't call him lazy. He said he just said he's spending time on other things than not working. Howard said maybe he was wrong and he should listen to the box set commentary. He said he's sorry to Gary.

  Howard said he was angry but that anger isn't at Gary. He said it comes from other places. He said his vacation was horrible. He said he can't even tell you what it was on the air.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on him for being so mean to Gary. Howard said they'll take that out of the replay. Mariann said that Gary is the most loyal person to him. Howard said they can't go that far. He ended up hanging up on Mariann and said that he wants Gary to apologize to him for making him feel bad.

  Howard said he and Gary spoke over vacation and it was very good. He said he enjoyed talking to Gary. Gary said he did want to tell him how much he appreciates him. Howard said he hadn't gotten the gift yet. He said then it came and it ruined everything. He said he does love Gary. Gary said he loves him too.

• Chris Wilding's Gift For Howard. 01/03/22. 7:45am
  Howard said Robin got him the best gift. He said she got him an ink pen that's beautiful. He said the funniest gift he got was from Chris Wilding. He said this is fucking funny. He said he went on Cameo and had Dr. Now record a message to him for Christmas. Howard said he has to admit it was funny. He said this is from the doctor from My 600 Pound Life. He said this is so funny. He said he'll read whatever you send him. He said there is no second take for him. He said he just reads whatever you send him and that's it.

  Howard said Dr. Now just read this thing and he had Grogu and Yoda in the script. He said the fucking guy didn't ask how to say it. He said he just said it the way he thought that he should say it. He said he put no effort into this thing. He said he always tells fat people they have to do the work but meanwhile he's not doing the work himself. Howard said he should play it for Robin.

  Howard said he wasn't able to find Dr. Now on Cameo to see what he paid for it. He said he has to say how much it was after he plays it. Howard played the Dr. Now Cameo that Chris got him. Dr. Now was telling him to take care of himself and to stay on his diet. He wished him a happy holiday and all of that. He said Grogu and Yoda in the message. Howard said it's a message to him and he says goodbye to Chris as well.

  Chris did his impression of Dr. Now making the message for Howard. His accent is much funnier than the actual Dr. Now. Howard was laughing. Howard asked about what he wrote for him to write. Chris said you can't tell him everything to say so he just told him to talk about portion control and things like that. He said then he threw in Grogu and Yoda to throw him off. Howard said he thought he gave him a whole script but you can't really do that. Chris said you get like 500 words to write. He said that it took him like 5 days to come up with that.

  Chris asked how much you think he paid for that. Howard said he is a medical doctor. He said he's thinking that it has to be maybe $125. He was thinking 75-100 but it must be $125 at least. He said he thinks that he has an office in a strip mall though. He said maybe he's not making as much as he thinks. He said he's sticking with 125. Robin said he'll say 85. Howard asked who is right. Chris said he's more. He said he's $200 for that message. Howard said what's great is that he spent no time on that for $200. Chris did some of his impression of Dr. Now for Howard.

  Howard said right at the top of the thing he says something he doesn't get. He replayed the clip and asked what they think he was saying. He said he thinks it was ''staying safe'' that he didn't get. Chris did his impression of that. He said he loves the ''How y'all doin?'' part. Howard asked if they could get him to sing a song. Chris said maybe not. He said they might be able to get him to say ''Hugh Jassole'' or something like that. Chris did his impression of him saying that. Howard said he sounds like a guy whose battery is running low.

  Howard read about some other people who charge $200 for a Cameo. Chris said that there are a lot that charge a lot. He said Caitlyn Jenner used to do them for like $2500 and they were really short. He said it was incredible. Chris said that he kept this one hidden but you can let them be seen by anyone.

  Howard said Caitlyn is still on there for $2500. He said she better be naked and show what's doing downstairs for that. Chris said she's not and she doesn't put any effort into it.

  Howard said he played a phony phone call the week before vacation and that got a lot of fan mail. He said that Chris' impression was used in that phony phone call. He played that before getting to the feedback. Howard started to play the Jack and Rod Show bit that they did but it was the whole thing. He said he wanted to just play a clip. Chris did his impression of Dr. Now talking to Santa like he did in that bit.

  Howard said someone said they pulled over because they were laughing so hard. Howard wondered if anyone has ever pulled over. Chris said no way. He said it's all bullshit. Howard said he's gotten like 10 million letters saying that but only send one if you actually pull over.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Chris for stealing her idea because she got Howard one of these Cameos last year. She went off on him for licking balls and sucking dick before Howard hung up on her. Howard said she licks balls and sucks dicks too. Chris said he didn't remember her doing that last year. Howard said he didn't remember either. He played the message that he got last year. Howard said that guy is just one take. He didn't put a lot of effort into that. Howard said Mariann also tipped him off that it was for the Howard Stern Show.

• Celebrity Net Worth, Andy Cohen's Rants And More. 01/03/22. 8:10am
  Howard said thanks to everyone for their gifts. He said his birthday and Christmas are close. He said they were so close that he felt ripped off as a kid. He said his parents were cheap so they didn't want to spend more money on him. He said they didn't know him that well so they never knew what to get him. He said the only thing he asked for was the Great Garloo. He said he got it eventually and it wasn't that great. He said it was a shitty robot with a wire on it. He said you had to move it yourself and it took like 5 batteries. He said it was massive too. He said he battled a kid next door and his robot broke. He said the other robot fell and beat him up.

  Robin said it's like Siri that doesn't do what they made it do in the commercials. Howard said Siri is able to do some cool stuff. He asked Siri what George Clooney's net worth is. She was able to tell him but it was from 2018. Howard said he's always looking up that stuff when he goes on his walks with Beth. Howard said he has to ask about Brad Pitt. Siri said $357 million. Howard asked about some tother celebrities net worth.

  Howard said he was watching the clip of Andy Cohen going nuts on New Year's Eve. He said he didn't stay up to watch the ball drop. Robin said she didn't either. Howard said he was watching the New Year's Rockin' Eve with Journey and that kid who sings now is awesome. He said Andy was going off on them for not having Steven Perry. He said the kid's name is Arnel Pineda and he was singing his heart out. He said he hates Steve Perry so he likes this kid. He said this kid's story was great too. He said the guys found this kid and have him sing for them now. He said the kid is good. He said Beth had no idea that this guy was the lead singer. He said she was blown away by him too.

  Howard said this guy has been in the band since 2007. He said Andy was on yelling about how it's ''fake Journey.'' He said sure it is. He said Arnel was in a cover band and he was so good that they hired him to be in the band. He said the guy is like 54 years old. Howard played some of him singing. He said the guy was singing outside and this is how good he was. Howard played a couple of other clips of Arnel singing with Journey.

  Howard said Andy was yelling about it being fake Journey but it's like that with a bunch of bands. He it's fake Queen too. He played more clips of the new Journey and said he got a kick out of this. He said so what if it's fake Journey. He said he enjoyed it. He said he couldn't watch Steve Perry. He said he's back to loving it now. He said it's enjoyable. Howard said the band is good and tight now.

• Howard Takes Some Calls. 01/03/22. 8:15am
  Howard took a call from a guy who asked why every time Mariann has a problem with them she berates them on the show. He said she's torn down a lot of people on the show. He said he thinks it's almost like she's a bully. Howard asked who cares. He said she's a fan who is passionate about the show. The caller said that she went off on Howard about Gary earlier in the morning. He said how dare she do that to the guy who runs the show. Howard had Mariann back on the line and she went off on the caller, Mike from Maine, who is known for calling Bubba's show. She said fuck you to him and said that she's friends with Benjy again. She went off on Mike and didn't let him speak. Mike was talking over her and she was talking over him.

  Howard said he has a busy show today. He said the have a lot to do. He said Benjy did some work and made a phony phone call. He said he never finished talking about Oprah either. He said they have a lot to get to today. He said they're very busy.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Arnel guy is great and even better than Steve Perry. Howard said he's right. He said it's not fake Journey, it's better Journey. Howard said Steve Perry is a little bitch. He said he's not even sure why he stopped singing in the band. He said he just said he doesn't feel like it. He said he loves that they got this guy from the Philippines. He said this is the greatest thing ever.

  Robin said it's like when David Lee Roth left Van Halen and they changed direction. Howard said that's right. He said the band did just fine without him. He said that everyone is replaceable. He said that Andy tried to take over Love Connection and no one said he was fake Chuck Woolery. He said that he may have thought it but he didn't say it.

  Howard said he was watching the Get Back documentary and they were calling Eric Clapton when George Harrison would get out of line. He said that would have been good if he had gotten out of line. He said he's a big Arnel Pineda fan. He said Steve Perry was so short that his girlfriend would tower over him. He said Paul Simon towers over him. He said he was a big shot but he was a short shit. He said he had such a big head. He said he once introduced those guys and he wondered if they were shooting a sequel to the Hobbit. He said you don't even see Steve Perry anymore. He said you put him next to Arnel and you want to see that guy instead. He said those guys are making money hand over fist now. He said they pay him nothing and he's grateful. Howard said fuck Steve Perry and long live Journey.

  Howard said he saw Ryan Seacrest dancing and he's a really bad dancer. Howard said the guys just said Steve Perry put out a new Christmas album. He said no one bought that. Howard said everything on New Years Rockin Eve looked canned but it looked like Journey was singing live. JD said he saw it and he thinks it was live. He said LL Cool J was supposed to be there but he tested positive for COVID. He said most of the performances were from L.A.

  Howard said he saw one of the performances and it was Usher. He said that guy can dance. He said he wasn't even pretending to sing. He said he just did his dance and didn't pretend to sing. JD said they showed a bunch of things that were from the past 50 years from the show.

  Howard asked JD if he can play any clips. JD said it'll take a few minutes. Howard said Fred got a whole new rig that he can use to pull up clips. He asked Fred to do that. Fred said he'll see what he can do.

  Howard said he heard JD got a bottle of Opus One wine he drank for New Years. JD said he got it when they left K-Rock they got bottles and he kept it all this time. Howard said that was weird because they got that wine when they left. He said it was so weird that they wanted to sue them and then they give the staff Opus One wine as a gift. He said that doesn't make sense. He said Les Moonves is a dick. JD said the cork ended up falling apart. He said that he had it in his apartment so it wasn't kept in the right temperatures. Howard said he probably had to pour the wine through a colander. JD said they did. He said it took forever to do it.

  Howard asked Fred to play a track from the Steve Perry Christmas album. Fred played it and Howard said that's really bad. He said he can't even write a new song. He was singing a classic. Howard asked who the fuck is buying this album. He said when they went to the studio to record it they weren't able to get the microphone down low enough.

  Howard told Fred to turn that crap off. He said it's offensive. He said Arnel Pineda isn't recoding that kind of crap. Robin said Steve didn't want to sing so how did this come about. Howard said they won't be finding out on this show. He said she'll have to ask Steve herself.

  Howard said happy birthday to JD. Robin said she missed his birthday. She said she did send him some Christmas gifts though.

  Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• RIP Betty White. 01/03/22. 8:40am
  After the break they played a King of All Blacks panty sniffing tip, a Baba Booey song parody, a phony phone call Richard made to an internet radio show using Beetlejuice clips, a Lenny Dykstra message for Robin and Van Halen's ''Why Can't This Be Love.''

  Howard came back and said it makes no sense that Eddie Van Halen was upset with Sammy Hagar. He said he came in and did such a good job. Robin said they had bigger hits with Sammy. Howard said the did. He said he wonders what the real story was with Ed. Robin said he was angry at everyone. She said maybe that anger wasn't with those people and it came from somewhere else. Howard said Eddie was also a great keyboard player. He said Sammy was playing guitar on this song.

  Howard mentioned someone that Sammy told them about named Moe and he said no one names their kid Moe anymore. He said his dad used to call him a Schmo. Robin said that's not a nice thing to call a child. That led to Howard talking about his parents and doing an impression of them talking to him as a child.

  Howard said his mother thought she was dying over vacation. He said she was calling him to tell him about how she felt like she was dying. He said she said she lived too long. Howard said she was fine. Robin said it's like Betty White who just had fun. Howard said his mother is doom and gloom. He said it's horrible. He said everything is about doom and gloom. He said she wonders when the pandemic is going to be over.

  Howard said he has to say a few words about Betty White. He said she died at 99 years old. Howard said that People Magazine had a cover ready to go when she turns 100 in January. Robin said they were all talking about how she was going to be 100 and they all thought she was going to make it. Howard said you don't celebrate that until you actually make it. He said that Betty got famous when she got on the Mary Tyler Moore show. He said she was very funny on the show. He said that he's not sure if she ever fucked Lou Grant on that show or not. Robin said she's not sure that ever happened.

  Howard said Betty was also on The Golden Girls which was huge too. He said she did start acting when she was 8 yrs old. He said she was on radio in the beginning. He said he his some audio of that. He said this is Betty being Betty White at 8 yrs old. He played a clip and it sounded like Betty White trying to do an impression of a little girl.

  Howard read some details about Betty's career and what happened to her over the years. He said she did acting on radio and then they got her into a TV show when she was in her 20s. Howard said she sang too. He had some audio of her singing.

  Howard said the song he just played was like something his mother would sing when he was growing up. He said it's just bad music. He sang some other bad songs that his parents would sing. Howard asked who was writing that shit. He said thank god the Beatles came along and blew that shit out of the water.

  Howard said Betty was on the Golden Girls and Mary Tyler Moore. He said she was an answer on one of their Sternac bits. Howard played a clip from the show where he had her as one of the answers. the question was ''What did the African American say before the new pope was announced?'' Howard said that's some of that famous racial humor.

  Howard said they did a bit on the how where the would send correspondents to the press room and asked her if she went through menopause. He said she had a quick answer for that. He played a clip.

  Howard said Betty did Saturday Night Live and people got together on Facebook to get her to host. He had some clips to play. Howard said Betty got in a good joke about George Takei at the William Shatner roast. Howard played a clip.

  Howard said rest in peace Betty White. Robin said she was 99. Howard said he'd like to know how old she was on Mary Tyler Moore. Robin said she may have been in her 40s. She said she did a ton of game shows too. Howard said she as 51 in Mary Tyler Moore.

  Howard said that Betty was married to Alan Ludden. He said he always thought about how they fucked. He said that's what he thought every time he saw Alan Ludden. He said you just got it when you saw them together. He said he got the feeling that she really loved that guy from the show Password. Robin said he died a long time ago. Howard said he hopes that Beth is taking a lesson from Betty and she won't sleep with anyone after he goes. Howard said Betty may not have ever fucked anyone after that. He said that they were married until 1981. He said he hopes that Beth doesn't fuck anyone after he's gone.

  Howard said he thinks that Pete Davidson may have fucked Betty. He said he watched Pete and Miley Cyrus on New Year's Eve. He said that he saw that Pete is getting rid of his tattoos and they're all coming off. He said it looks like someone spilled milk on your arms and they're barely there. He said it must be painful to get that done. He said he's covered in tattoos. Robin said he must have made a lot of mistakes with his tattoos.

• TV Show Talk. 01/03/22. 9:05am
  Howard said he was obsessing over this new Sex and the City show over vacation. He said that Ross Zaipin was asking him what he's watching. He said don't ask him that. He said he watches a lot of stuff like that. He said he watched the new Lost in Space. He said the Dr. Smith is so annoying. He said the whole show they're trying to find Alpha Cenatui. He said they should have pushed her out of the space ship.

  Howard said he likes the new Sex and the City and all of that. He said the have a lot of updated stuff on the show. He said they have this gender thing on the show here they talk about people being 'they' or whatever. He said he can imagine if he told his father he was a ''they.'' He did his impression of his father getting upset about that. He said thank god he didn't have to do that. He had his dad going off on him for calling himself 'they'.

  Howard said he's so glad he didn't have to go through that. He said he supports it but he doesn't understand it. Robin said it's okay not to understand it. She said if he did then maybe he'd have that issue with his parents.

  Howard said he watches that I Am Jazz show and the parents on that show seem to be fine with it. He said the brother is into transgender people and they're fine with that too. He said it's all cool.

  Howard said it drives him crazy that Jazz didn't go to Harvard even though she got in. He said he wishes that he could have gotten in. He said it's like a ticket to a good job. He said he wanted to hired people who went to Harvard but they wont even look at this job. He said that he got people from Full Sail University.

  Howard said he watched that horrible movie with Jennifer Lawrence and Leo DiCaprio. He said it was so bad. He said they made Jennifer look so bad. He said he's not sure why they'd make her look ugly. He said maybe there can't be a good looking scientist. He said that movie is so annoying. He said Beth will only let him watch it in 10 minute increments. He said it's so annoying.

  Robin asked if he watched the new Matrix movie. Howard said he's having a hard time with that. He said he can't get through it. Robin said they had enough Matrix movies. Howard asked why Keanu can't remember being in the Matrix. Robin said he got re-plugged in. She said that he had to be brought back in. She said then it became his job of being the creator of the job. Howard said he didn't get why they were doing that. He said thank god the new Bachelor season starts tonight. He said he's not happy with the guy but he's thinking the show will be good.

  Howard said he's like Tom Brady and the Jets. He said how about that game. Robin said she finally got to the TV and turned it on and she saw the Giants game and they had a crawl with the Jets score. She said they were up 24-10 and she thought she was seeing things. She said that was the actual score. She said she wondered if they could pull it off. Howard said then they end up losing. Gary said it was worse than what Robin is saying. Gary went through that game and how it went for the Jets. He said they were on the 1 yard line and somehow they managed to let Brady score a touchdown with 16 seconds left.

  Howard asked what's going on with the Jets. Gary said they have been improving the past few weeks. He said it was just a shitty play call. He said the quarterback is looking better. He said the Giants are going the other way fast. Robin said this was an encouraging game for the Jets. Howard said they're an embarrassment to the state and to the whole country. He said whoever is running that organization should have to go through the streets with people yelling ''shame'' at them.

  Howard said speaking of Tom Brady that Gisele is looking hot. He said she kept it together after having some kids. He said she still looks good. Robin said her mother and sister still have good bodies too. She said they have strong genes. Howard said stop it. He said that he saw this video of Gisele that Beth showed him and he was thinking about beating off to it. He said she was saving a turtle. He said he was wondering if that would get in the way of his fantasy. He said he just wants to get in and out quickly.

  Howard said people are such shits. He said this was a bunch of wire wrapped around this turtle. He said that she unwrapped it and set it back into the ocean. He said he bets Brady gives it to her hard after the game.

  Howard said that Leo DiCaprio movie is something they wouldn't have made if there wasn't a Netflix.

  Robin asked if he saw the new James Bond movie. Howard asked where he can see it. Robin said you can rent it streaming. Howard said he's waiting for it to be free.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that you don't have to rent the movie, you can get it for like 5 bucks. Howard said that's still renting it. The caller said he wanted to talk about ''Don't Look Up'' because its not that great but it's the subtext of the movie that's the point of the movie. Howard said in the first 10 minutes we get it. He said its the same thing over and over. He said its a whole movie about the same point. The caller said it's a good movie and he doesn't get it. Howard said its not good. He hung up on that guy.

• Oprah Audiobook Bit. 01/03/22. 9:20am
  Howard got back to the Oprah stuff and said they put a lot of work into this Oprah Audiobook thing. Howard went over what he talked about earlier with Oprah and the parties she has with the chefs. Howard said she has this gorgeous house and she doesn't mind showing it to you. He said he keeps his shit secret. He said he's kind of ashamed. He said that he doesn't want anyone to be jealous. Robin said he shouldn't be.

  Howard said they have this cheddar biscuit thing with chicken and it's not Weight Watchers stuff. He said she's clearly not following Weight Watchers. He said Gayle and Oprah race each other to the table too. He said they have these girls there and they all race up to the table when Oprah announces that the food is ready.

  Howard went over some of the stuff they were talking about on the Oprah thing he was watching. He had her going nuts over the cheddar biscuits with chicken. Howard asked if that sounds like the president of Weight Watchers. He played some other clips from this special.

  Howard said Gayle was very excited about a fish sandwich there. Howard said how about getting excited about some exercise.

  Howard asked what's going on over there. He said these sandwiches are like 100,000 points. He said that's enough for the year, don't eat again. He said that the kids are in good shape but not Oprah. He said that there are people who push you out of the way at the Buffet. He said that's Oprah and Gayle.

  Howard played more clips and said if you're the President of Weight Watchers you shouldn't be doing this. Robin said Oprah doesn't care. Howard said Jon Hein eats more healthy than Oprah. He said he talked to Jon over vacation and told him he has to be careful out there. He said he's a diabetic. He said that people tell him they're being careful but then you see them on planes and on vacation. He said he's not sure what reality he's in.

  Howard said there's some guy on Sirius who said he got Omicron and he had a 104 fever. He said the guy is some TV star. He said his name is Jeff Lewis. He said he got it and says it was worth it. He said that he got sick and didn't mind it. He played a clip of the guy doing an interview. He said that they all got tested and 1/3 of them got sick anyway.

  Howard said this Jeff Lewis said that he got that monoclonal antibody treatment and that saved him. He said he had a doctor come to his house to treat him. Howard played a clip of him talking about that.

  Howard said they took tests and came up negative. He said those home tests don't work. Robin said that's how people get sick. Howard said he has a friend who is a nurse and they said you might as well flip a coin. He the other tests they do take 2 days to get the results for. He said he thinks that he's been in his house for a year and 9 months now. He said he has been out for a few reasons but they were worthwhile. He said Andy Cohen got COVID again. He said he's not going back to Sirius until this thing is over. Robin said some people are on their second round. She said that the people who got it were getting it at work or at parties.

  Howard said this is Oprah's audiobook phony phone call. He said they put a lot of work into this so that's why he's playing it. Howard said this is a clip of Oprah talking about a prank she likes to pull as Santa. He said he hopes this is worth it. He played the clip the guys put together where Oprah talked about what she'd be doing for Christmas. They had her talking about shooting her diarrhea down people's chimneys and things like that.

  Howard said in this clip Oprah is charitable but she's obnoxious about it. He played a clip of Oprah talking about how rich she is and how she's going to go to a mall and throw money on the floor so she can see people fight over it. They had her saying she's a god.

  Howard said in this clip Oprah is excited about a big Christmas meal. He paled that clip where Oprah was talking about the food she was going to have. They had her going on and on about that for a minute. Robin said that one must have been easy to put together because they had her talking about a lot of food and it was very flowing.

  Howard said he has more Oprah Audiobook. Robin asked if she has more about her holiday. Howard said this is Oprah being obsessed with moving her bowels. Howard played that one and the guys had Oprah talking about when she'd be shitting on her toilet at midnight on New Year's Eve so the doody hits the water right at midnight.

  Howard said these clips take hours and hours to put together. He played another clip of Oprah talking about her ''favorite things.'' They had her talking about double headed dildos and things like that. They had her saying she would send Robin Quivers and Ronnie Mund their own.

  Howard said some of their staffers missed out on Christmas because they had to edit these clips. He said he was cracking the whip on that.

  Howard had one last one where Oprah was singing a song for Christmas. The guys put something together with her singing and farting.

  Howard said he has to commend the staff for putting that together. He said this is a bonus of how they do it. He said they start out with a word like Jingle. He played that and played Racism and had her saying Jizzum. Robin said it's like building a word. Howard said that's right. He said the payoff is worth it. He said guys from Harvard can't come up with this. He said full sail grads come up with this.

  Howard said he realizes that most of the staff didn't even finish college. He played another example of how they come up with ha word. He said they start out with Pushing and then Fantasy and they come up with ''Pussy.'' He played the outcome of that clip. Robin said she never would have guessed that. She asked what genius came up with that. Howard said they don't even have an Harvard guys there.

  Next up Howard had Feast and Please. Robin said she knows that's Feces. Howard said that's right. He played the clip. He played with that clip a little bit.

• Beth Gets Mad At Howard On New Year's Eve. 01/03/22. 9:50am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he and his girlfriend have been able to avoid the virus for a year and a half. He said they went to a Christmas party with his fiancee's family and they got sick. He said someone may not have been honest and didn't tell them that they were sick. Howard said he hears people saying they're being careful but they're really not. He said that his daughter went to visit his mother and his mother told her to take off her mask. Howard said he told her that's how you get sick. He said she claims she's being careful. Howard said he's being careful. Robin said she's the one being careful.

  Howard said fuck these family members who lie. He said he knows a bunch of people who flew and got COVID. Robin said people are lying and they make people sick. Howard said he gets reports on Ronnie going out but he won't say anything. He said someone he knows was planning a big trip and they have underlying conditions. He said don't call him if you get Omicron. He said he's not helping them. He said he can't help you.

  Howard asked if Robin called Ronnie over vacation. Robin said she did and it was on New Year's Eve. She said Ronnie picked up and laughed for about a minute.

  Howard said he and Beth had a bad New Year's eve. He said that she asked if he was going to call the fans this year. He said she was looking forward to it but he wasn't. He said he didn't know it was important to her. He said she got pissed at him. He said that he never did it. He said if she had told him it was important he would have done it. He said he can't read people. He said he's not good with that. He said that he went up to his room pouting over it and he was going to make some calls but then she was pissed at him. He said that he had told her that she has to tell him something if she's wanting to do it. He said he likes to do that stuff but he wasn't feeling it that night. He said it just wasn't something he wanted to do. He said he wishes Beth would come in there to talk about it. He said he did a lot to make it up to her. He said he did a lot like making the beds and stuff like that. He said he was a little bitch. He said he apologized to her.

  Howard said he has to see if shell come down there. He said he has to text her but he hates texting. He texted her asking her to come on the air. He said she hasn't read it yet but maybe she'll come down.

  Howard said Beth was so angry you'd think that he gave her a DVD box set of Allegiance. Robin said George has put so much into that letting everyone know how much work he put into it. She said that it may end up being in high schools in the future.

  Howard said Beth has read the message asking her to come on air but she's not answering. Howard said maybe next year Gary can send him Diana the musical. He said he may edit out his rant against Gary on the air. Robin said she doesn't know about that. She said the ending is justified after the apology.

  Beth came down so Howard said she was right and he shouldn't have yelled at Gary over the box set. He said he feels horrible about the whole thing. Beth said he was awful over that. She said that he sent him a nice gift and he was upset over it. She said there was steam coming out of his ears. She said that she got rid of it. Howard said he wants it now. Beth said she's so mad at him right now. Howard said he did overreact. Beth said that she once got a horrible gift and Howard hid it from her. She said she eventually found it. Robin said that she knows he gives things to other people.

  Beth said that Howard was speaking to a friend of theirs and that person was complaining about a gift and Howard was appalled by that. Beth said that she told Howard to think about what he had done that morning and it was the same thing. Howard said that was not the same thing. Howard said it was a goof gift from Gary. He said that other person got food and that's a thoughtful gift. He said Gary's gift was a goof gift. Robin said Howard was so bad this morning that she told him he'd regret what he was saying later on. Howard said he's going to edit it out. Gary said he should not edit that out. Howard said he called Gary a cunt. Beth was upset over that. Howard said it was too much. Gary said the part that stung was when he said he knows he doesn't work at all. Howard said he didn't say that. He said he knows he doesn't put in an 8 hour day. Howard said there's no way he works as hard at home as he does at the office.

  Howard said Gary has to be honest. He said no one works as hard as they do at the office. Gar said that's not what he said this morning. He said he told him as soon as he saw the box he was annoyed. Howard said he's a horrible person. Beth said she questions herself when she hears stuff like that. Howard said he's going to change. He said he has to.

  Howard said Beth said that she had some bad thoughts about this year. Beth said she really does. She said she feels like something really bad is going to happen this year. Beth said she really does feel that way.

  Beth brought up the New Year's Eve thing and Howard told that story again. Beth said they've been doing it for 6 years or so now and he ruined it. Howard said he has to tell her where she went wrong too. Beth said he always does that. She said she's sweating and she thinks she's going through menopause.

  Howard said he told Beth that he wasn't in the mood to do the calls that night. Beth said he said it like he just didn't want to do it. Howard said Beth's mood changed and she said she was bored. He said he read the signal and he knew that something was wrong. Beth said she started her kitten rounds. Howard said he went upstairs and he was thinking about how they should be banging. He said that he was upset that she wasn't there with him.

  Howard said he realized that he had screwed up so he ran down and yelled for her to come make some calls. He said she didn't answer him. He said he knows that she heard him. Howard said she wasn't going to do it after that. Beth said she was cleaning litter pans. She said she was in her kitten clothes. Howard said he was trying to apologize. Beth said she didn't want to do it after that. She said it was a missed opportunity.

  Howard said now he'll tell her where she made a mistake. He asked why she didn't tell him that it was important to her. Beth said he was like Scrooge. Howard said he would have snapped to if she had said something. Howard said if he had known he'd still be making calls now and the show wouldn't have started.

  Howard brought up the Oprah stuff he talked about earlier and spent more time talking about the food stuff with Beth. He also brought up the hand sanitizer thing that Robin got him that didn't work.

  Howard took a call from a woman who was upset that he didn't call her on New Year's Eve. She was balling over the whole thing and said her husband died before hearing from Howard.

  Howard said he loves Beth so much and he knows he fucked up. He said he could have been fucking her. He said she wore a great outfit that night. He said her titties were out and everything. Robin said that Mr. Grouchy Pants showed up and ruined it.

  Howard said next Christmas everyone waiting for calls will get one. He asked what she should have said. Beth said she's so hot down there. Howard said the air isn't working down there. He said don't even tell everyone what he paid the get it all fixed and now it doesn't work. He said he wants to yell at Gary about it. He asked Beth what's wrong with him. Beth said he's a great husband. She said he screwed up just this once.

  Beth said that he did make the bed and that was nice. Howard said he did the dishes too. Beth said he did. She said that was very nice too. Howard said he loves Beth so much. Beth was striping off clothes. Howard said keep going. Beth said she's sweating and wet. Howard said they should end the show. He said he has to end it and then take a pish. He said they're having a good time.

  Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show after that. They were done around 10:25am.

• Journaling About Doody. 01/04/22. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about how much fun they're having. He said it's a party. He said that's the sound of fun as Fred played the sound of happiness horn. He did some Juggalo ''Whoop, whoop'' too. Howard said he was handed a note saying that they got word that it is spelled ''whoop'' and not ''woot.''

  Howard said he was sitting there listening to a gross clip. He said he has been journaling and he has things he likes to use. He said they do this gratitude journaling and he watches it online. He said it seems to be mostly women who do it. He said he can see why. He said he watches Adventure Denali and Overall Adventure. He said she wears overalls and she's kind of hot. He said they both talk about the books they like to read and it's the same thing. He said he wonders who came first. He said Adventure Denali talks about what she writes in her journals and it's stuff about what she loves. He said he sees why guys don't do it. He said if his journal was like that he doesn't know what he'd write. He said there's just a few things in his life that he loves like his wife and kids. He said then he wrote about his Toto Toilet. He said he appreciates the people who invented that.

  Howard said he wrote about making a movement the other day and he was talking about how they are very good since he went on Metamucil. He said he looks at his doody and he thinks about how great it would be for that George Clooney stunt where he put human doody in the cat litter box. He said what he wrote is that he is grateful for the Toto because it can clean out the secondary doodies that come out. He said once he's done he can feel things still in there. He said he used to have to poke in there with his finger and toilet paper. He said now it washes it out. He said this is what he's leaving for his children. He said he was describing this device in the journal. He said he thinks it's more important that the invention of the car in some ways. Robin said now he's going too far. Howard said he was talking about how when the water hits his butt things start to gurgle down there and more doody comes out. He said it's sizeable stuff and it comes out thanks to the Toto. He said that things are so clean back there after using this thing. He said you could poke your finger up there and there's nothing there. He said you could eat off your finger. Howard said what he can do tomorrow is have Robin stick her finger up his ass and see.

  Howard said this Overall Adventure woman is hot and she's a school teacher. He said if he had a teacher like this he would have had such good handwriting. He said he would have tried harder. He said he wants his handwriting to be perfect before he dies.

  Howard said he wrote about his Toto in the journal and he really is appreciative for it. He said it's the secondary movements that come out. He said that's mind blowing to him. He said he sits there on the bowl thinking about that. Robin said that's what people who do colonics are doing. Howard said he's not sticking a tube up his ass though. He said it's just water.

  Howard said he should start his own YouTube channel and do his journaling there. He said he can be Anal Denali.

  Howard said Overall Adventure had a post about things she wants to do in 2022. He said they each have about 1000 followers. He said they're all excited about that. Robin said they are called Nano-Influencers. Howard said he buys a lot of stuff because of Adventure Denali. He said he got his journals and paper that she likes. He said he tries anything that she likes. He said it's the same for Overall Adventure. He said she actually has 38,000 followers.

  Howard said he looks at her and thinks about what a great teacher she would have been for him. He said he's thinking about reading some of the books she reads. He said he doesn't talk much about it because he's embarrassed by it. He said he's very feminine that way. He said he might be a ''they.'' He said there must be something girly about him. He said he should have been watching the Jets and not journaling.

  Howard said he has watched almost all of this stuff from Adventure Denali. He said then Overall Adventure comes around and you want to say fuck you to her but then you watch and it's good. He said she has a post about her typewriter. He said she's not into computers. He said that Adventure Denali has some about typewriters too. He asked how many people are into typewriters. He said he's into this stuff. He said he could watch those videos all day.

  Robin said it would be terrible if Overall Adventure took over and beat Adventure Denali. Howard said it would be like Phil Donahue losing to Oprah. He said he could have a whole journal about his doody if he started his own channel.

  Howard said he was marveling at this doody thing. He said his body isn't done with the doody. He said he has to get mini movements out with the Toto. Howard said you have to relax your sphincter.

  Howard said this world wasn't meant to have the Toto toilet but it works. Robin asked if their cats have unfinished movements. Howard said absolutely. He said he has to brush the shit out of some of their cat's hair. He said he's grateful for the Toto. He said there's nothing happening outside to write about so he has to write about the Toto. Robin said he's not talking to birds like Sal is. Howard said Overall Adventure was writing about a book called The Secret Life of Trees and she was talking about how you learn about trees. Howard said she is kind of like Sal.

  Howard said he can't believe that he is able to get the doody out like that. He said he shoots the water up there so it hits the right area. He said it hits the brown eye. He said he has to open the whole thing up. He said the water gets gulped up in there and then everything comes out. He said he wrote about this in his journal. He said he could mail it to Robin for her to read. He said his handwriting is improving too. He said that some people write in chicken scratch so people can't read it. He said he's the opposite.

  Howard said he won't write about people. He said he can't name names in there. He said that would be weird. He said they say you can just burn it but he can't do that. He said he wants to leave something for people to read. He said if Anne Frank had burned her journals we wouldn't have anything to read. He said the act of writing feels good. He said you get your thoughts out too. He said he likes doing this.

  Howard said he writes a lot for the radio show too. He said he has a rationale for doing it. He said it's a whole journal about doody. He said he doesn't want Beth reading it. He said he can leave it out so anyone can read it. He said you'd think a 12 year old wrote it. He said he writes about The Bachelor too. He said it would be great to publish it but he can't think like that or it will become a real book. He said he just wants his thoughts to come out.

  Howard said he can't write about Gary's gift and things like that. He said that's too personal. He said he sees what Overall Adventure writes and it's all positive. He said these women don't have negative thoughts. Robin said they're lying then. Howard said Overall Adventure is so cute. He said he would have crushed on her and she would have ignored him in school.

  Robin asked if she writes with a fountain pen too. Howard said she does. He said she started at 13 or 14 without a fountain pen but now she uses one. He said he can tell you anything about her or Adventure Denali. He said he doesn't care about her cello or her dog or ferret. He said that's all bullshit. He said he doesn't care about her typewriter either. He said he cares about her journaling.

  Robin said he just wrote a song about her with what he just said. Howard said that's right. He sang it for her. Howard said she did a video about breaking in her hiking boots. He said he doesn't care about that. He said it's just the journaling.

  Howard said Overall Adventure has this video where she talks about her 75 journals and flips through them all. He said he doesn't think he cares about it but he sits there watching it. He said he thinks Beth got jealous of her. He said that she hears her as he's watching her. He said he tells her how cute she is too. He said she will come over and see how cute she is and then she'll tell him he should have married her. He said he thinks she's jealous of her. He said Beth is 10 times hotter than her though. He said they do have things in common though. He said he does wish Overall Adventure was his friend and he could call her about some advice. Robin said he could do that. Howard said he could but Beth would get angry.

  Howard said it would be weird if he was calling a woman. He said that wouldn't go down well. Robin said you can't have an intimate relationship because he has one already. Howard said that's right. He said if Beth was calling some dude it would all come to an end. He said he respects that.

  Robins said she thinks he'd be out of the whole thing in 10 seconds if he did call her. Howard said in one video she had all 16 years of journals lined up. He said he's trying to get through the video but it's very long. He said it's mind numbing to him. He said he thinks she might be on leave from her job or something. He said if he had a teacher like that it would have been good. He said that she has to wear different overalls for every video she does now. He said she's gotten herself into this corner because of that. He said maybe drop that part of the whole thing.

  Howard said Overall Adventure averages 5 notebooks a year. He said that he needs to use a small notebook. He said these women like to condense everything. He said they get different sized notebooks. He said they want different sizes so it's more fun. He said sometimes they decorate them and sometimes they don't. He said it seems like Adventure Denali likes to and Overall Adventure just writes in her's. He said it's a whole thing. Howard said he's using his glue sticks to put things in his journal. He said Robin is in there. He said she sent him a note and he pasted it into the journal. He said she's right next to his doody log. Robin said she's done then. She said she has made it into his journal.

  Robin mentioned that Whoopi Goldberg and Jimmy Fallon both got COVID. Howard said he saw that. He said he sees him running around out there. He said he likes Jimmy but he's out running around. He said he had Jimmy over to his house for dinner and he said his Jerry Seinfeld is better than the real Jerry. He said they sat there talking to each other as Howard and Jerry and he interviewed him. He said he asked him to come on the show as Jerry and he thinks people would love that. He said Jimmy wants to please people so he thinks he'd do it. He said he wishes he had a tape recorder going at the time. He said he became Jerry.

  Howard said they should have Jimmy and Jerry on the show. He said it was the most entertaining night he ever had. He said he was ready to jam. Howard said Mel Brooks wrote about how he and Carl Reiner would do bits together like that. He said he and Jimmy could do that together. He said that's what people have to hear on SiriusXM. He said that's if he lives. Robin said he has said he's just having mild symptoms. Howard said he wants to do that for the show. He said it was mind blowing. He said some of it was just real.

  Howard said he and Jimmy sounded like Albert and Costello. He said it wasn't Abbott and Costello but Albert. He said it was pretty good. He said it's good comedy.

  Howard said he was obsessed with these gals over vacation. He said he has consumed most of Adventure Denali's stuff. He said now he's into this Overall Adventure. He said there's a lot of material out there. He said there's one woman with chubby hands he follows. He said she never shows her body. He said she has like 9 journals going at once. He said that's too much for him.

  Howard said this woman is writing about so much and she puts it all in different journals. He said that it can get sad if you're chubby and ugly. He said she has good information though. He said she could be cute but he's not sure about that. He said this woman has big fingers and she never cleans her nails. He said you can see everything on her hands. He said she should clip her nails at least.

  Howard said the chubby girl has different planners for everything. He said he won't get into that. Robin asked how long she has these goals for. Howard said she's sitting in a kitchen in Kansas so she isn't doing much. He said they love talking about their journals like they're people. He said this one woman got into it so much that she was calling it ''Him'' and talking about how beautiful he looks. He said it's wild stuff. Robin said she's wondering ''Why, why, why?'' Howard said he's in it so he's one of these people.

  Howard said he's watching this Overall Adventure and she's talking about what she was doing in 4th grade. He said she talked about how she liked high school and things like that. He said ugly people like him wanted to get out but this girl is good looking so it was good for her. Howard said he's thinking about setting up a YouTube channel to give out some advice about journaling. He said he can call himself Big Nose Adventure.

  Howard said this Overall Adventure is a yoga instructor too so he'd like to see some of that. He said he'd like to see her wearing a Yoga outfit with the overalls.

  Howard said his Toto toilet really is something else. He said it's amazing what comes out of your ass if you blow some water up there. He said he has written about that. He said that there are days he shoots water up there just to cleanse. He said he can get a belch of water out and a plop will come out. He said some days he just knows when it's going to come out. Howard talked about how he wipes and gets it all clean back there.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fake George Takei who said he has to get one of these toilets. He rang his bell and had Brad come in to rinse his ass. He had the water flowing and he was singing as Brad washed his ass for him. George had his old car keys wash out as he was doing that.

  Howard let George go and said that's what he's up to. Robin asked how many journals he has. Howard said he has just completed one. He said it took him 7 months to complete. He said now it'll go quicker.

• Oprah's Money Grabs. 01/04/22. 7:45am
  Robin said she saw that Oprah has developed a journal. Howard said he and Oprah would be good friends. He said there are things that bother him about her. He said she's too into the money grab thing. He said she has too much money. Howard said what bothers him about it is the same thing she did with Satellite radio. He said they gave her 50 million to put together a channel there. He said she was into it for about a week. He said she got sick of it and then created Oprah and Friends and never showed up again. He said it was just her friends yapping for 4 hours. He said she never even called into Gayle's show. He said it was bullshit. He said it was a money grab.

  Howard said he could have made a bunch of merchandising deals back in the 90s but he didn't do it. He said he was making good money but not Oprah money. He said he didn't have to grab every penny he could get. He said he felt bad for Sirius because they gave her the money and she didn't do anything. He said that bothers him. He said it's the same thing with Weight Watchers. He said there are commercials she does for Weight Watchers. He said there's one where they have The Rock in it. He said Oprah is in a black outfit where they're hiding her weight. He said he doesn't hate Oprah but he thinks they should keep this real. He said that she's on a treadmill but it's like Lucy walking in holding the laundry basket. He said you know she has a big belly. He said it's not even Weight Watchers now. He said it's just WW. He said there's one commercial where they just show her eyes and nose. He said she looks thin in that but you know they're hiding her.

  Howard read an article about WW and how they saw their membership shrink last year. He said they are now WW because it's ''Wellness that Works'' instead of Weight Watchers. He said that she's the president of the company and he's sure that they'd like her to practice what she preaches but she's eating this fattening food on her Instagram. He said that they're not just having one of those cheddar biscuit sandwiches either. He said you know they're eating more. Howard said if he was at her house he'd be thrilled to be eating that too.

  Howard said the African kids who stay with Oprah break into song. He said he has to get to Africa. He played a clip of the girls singing to Oprah. He said it's like when he used to go to Nobu and they would yell out stuff when he walked in. He said he had to ask them not to do that anymore.

  Howard said he's thinking of having the staff sing to him when he enters the studio. He said that's when they get back to normal. Howard had more audio of Oprah talking to the girls from Africa. Howard asked where the Melba toast is. He said they don't eat that stuff in her house.

  Howard said he thinks that Oprah is being worshiped at that house. Robin said that's happening everywhere. Howard said it's like being in Wakanda.

  Howard said the stock is down 30 percent for WW. He said she's gone down to only owning 2 percent of the company now. He asked why join these things and then move on. He said it fucks things up for all of these organizations. Robin said they're looking for longevity. Howard said he can see what the Rock looks like in the commercials but it's hard to see what Oprah looks like in the dark outfit. He said he knows what's going on. He said it's not good advertising. He said you have to have a front man who is worshiping this stuff.

  Howard said he should be a WW spokesperson. He said he looks like he's from Africa. He said he's 6'5'' and weighs 190 pounds. Robin said she looks for those Oprah's favorite things list and she saw the journal and that's all about appreciation and positivity. She said she tells you to stick with things a year and you'll appreciate them. Howard said she never sticks to anything that long. He said she must just get sick of everything and move on.

  Robin said she ordered this journal in November and it's not coming until February. Howard said she can keep it. Robin said she doesn't want it. Howard said he's sure she didn't get good paper for it. He said they have good paper from Japan that he uses.

• Journaling Is A Waste Of Time. 01/04/22. 8:00am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Kim, who said that she has been a planner for a while and she went to the journaling side. She said she found it to be a waste of time. She said that she was decorating it and she was at her job and someone saw it so she got embarrassed. Howard said you can go online and buy stickers but he hasn't done that. Robin asked if he's 12. Howard said some women have all kinds of stickers and stuff. Kim said it was driving her husband crazy. She said she was writing nothing in it. She asked what Beth is doing while he's doing that. Howard said she's cleaning cat shit. He said that's really what she's doing.

  Howard said they have a cat named DeeDee who was found just about dead on the side of the road. He said they found her and took her in. He said Beth brought the cat to the vet Dr. Jackie and she was looking after her. Howard said they told her that the cat was starving and it had a thyroid condition. He said the cat is like 10 years old and they were going to save her. He said the cat was in isolation for a few weeks with an iodine treatment. He said she had to be isolated. He said they fixed the thyroid problem. He said Beth is working with the cat for months. He said she's up from 4 pounds to 8. He said the cat is the most affectionate cat ever. He said she's in his lap immediately when he walks in. He said she seems to appreciate that they saved her. He said that Beth did everything for her but then the cat comes right to him. He said that he did nothing.

  Howard said they have 7 cats already so they can't keep DeeDee. He said they called a woman they know and asked her if she would take her. He said she was crying because she was so happy. Howard said she told them that she will never be without a lap. He said now she's leaving and Beth is a mess. He said he can't say goodbye to the cat. He said they put so much work into her. He said he'll start crying and he'll look like a pussy. Kim said he can write it all in his journal. Howard said it would have been great if Beth did that. He said he actually does some of that himself. He said Beth is too busy saving the cats.

  Howard said Beth will be depressed for weeks. He said he'll have go bang it out of her. He said he knows what she needs. He said his penis is pretty magical. He said that's what's going on in his house. He said he can't let Grogu go because he's dying. He said his heart is so enlarged that he could die any day. He said that Beth doesn't want to leave the house because of Grogu. He said they love that cat. He said this is what he's up to in that house. He said Beth wonders why she does this. He said if she doesn't do it then they're all going to die.

  Kim asked if Beth ever visits her family. Howard said he can't let Beth leave the house. He said she has to take care of the cats and him. He said he's like that David Koresh cult leader guy. He said he can't let anyone leave.

  Howard said they see family but not a lot. He said they're obsessed with not getting COVID so they're laying low.

  Howard let Kim go after that. He said she thinks journaling is a big waste of time. He said they say that you'll live a better life if you do stuff like that.

• Thinking About Benjy. 01/04/22. 8:05am
  Howard said he was thinking about Benjy and how he went to a therapist and the therapist didn't want to help him. He said he thinks that the guy dropped him because he's so difficult. Howard said there are times his therapist will say that he's not there with him and he's not letting her help him. He said with Benjy the therapist probably tells him that he can't help if he keeps doing shtick. He said think about how disturbed he must be. He said the therapist is so disturbed by him that he can't help. He said if a therapist is so annoyed by you that they can't help you. Howard said he wishes that Benjy could tell him what happened. He said he just can't do it. Howard said the reason people become therapists is because they're trying to help crazy and deranged people. He said Benjy was so fucked up that she wasn't able to help and she left him.

  Howard had Benjy come on and said he looks good after the weight loss. Benjy said he lost about 20 pounds this year. Howard asked if he's getting laid. Benjy said no.

  Howard asked Benjy what happened with his therapist. He asked if he got a conclusion about the person dropping him. Benjy said he had started with a woman and he got a note from Howard saying he would suggest seeing a man. He said he started with this woman and she told him that she didn't think she could help him. Howard said that means she's repulsed by him and she can't help him. Benjy said that he did think about that. He said he was wondering if it was really that bad.

  Benjy said he had been with her a couple of months and he was feeling comfortable with her. He said he was opening up with her. He said he felt like he could trust her. He said he was complaining about the same things repeatedly. He said he thinks she just said she can't help and he should consider someone else.

  Howard said he heard she said she couldn't connect with him. Benjy said he doesn't remember those words.

  Howard asked if he has any awareness of what he said to her that got him kicked out. Benjy said he doesn't remember if he said she was cute on the show. He said he may have said that. Benjy said he picked her out by her looks. Howard said he knows why he chose her. He said he's never going to get to the bottom of this. He said he's in therapy and his therapist will try things with him and not give up. He said he's not sure why this person gave up on Benjy. He said he figures he must not listen or something.

  Howard took a call from a psychologist, Dave, who said he thinks he knows the reason. Dave said he has dropped like 4 or 5 people in his 25 years of work. He said it's usually a personality conflict. He said it's something about the person that grates them. He said he tries to spare their feelings. Howard said Benjy must annoy people so much that they don't even want his money. Howard said this woman wants a Benjy free life. Dave said that sometimes you can tell when a client is challenging you and don't want to be there. He said you can't do much with that. Howard said that's what he suspects is going on with Benjy.

  Howard asked Benjy what his big issue is. Benjy said he's not living the life he wants to live. Howard laughed and said he wouldn't be a good therapist. He said he would be laughing. He asked what kind of life he wants to have. Benjy said he has said this for years. He said he would want to be doing stand up... Howard laughed. Howard asked why not do that then. Benjy said he's embarrassed to do it. He said it's doing in front of audiences at night is tough. Howard said he could do it at home. Benjy said he'd like an audience. He said he's also scared to do it and be bad at it. He said some people do know him from the show and it's embarrassing.

  Howard said he thinks that he wants to dump Benjy now too. He said he's sorry he brought it up. He said he was thinking about him over vacation and thinking how heavy that is. He said he realizes that it's something you can never get to the bottom of. Dave said he thinks Howard's questions are very similar to watch they would ask. He said that if he was going to work with him he'd use the embarrassment as part of his act. He said it's kind of funny after the fact. Howard said it would be funny for him to talk about how embarrassing he is. He said this guy is a better stand up than Benjy.

  Howard said here are comedians now who developed their entire act while Benjy was sitting at home embarrassed. He said Jerry Seinfeld knows that he's going to bomb with new material. He said Benjy should go out there and just do it. He said you're either going to lose or win. He said you'll get good with some time. He said that he's read his comedy and he does it on the show. He said he's just fucking lazy. He said just get out there and do it.

  Howard took a call from a therapist who works in the prison system and she said that Benjy reminds her of people she works with. She was talking about how there are some people you just can't work with. She said it's a character pathology. Benjy said he thinks that Howard has that with him. The caller said that Benjy has that with everybody.

  Howard said Robin had just had her surgery for her cancer and they thought she was a goner. He said that Artie was there, he was there and some friend was there. He said that Benjy was going to come up but when Robin heard that she woke up and said ''No!'' He said that she wanted nothing to do with him that day.

  Howard thanked the caller, Jessica, for the call. He said Benjy did a bit for the show. He said they called a Santa Claus and they had Benjy on as the brother of a woman who still believes in Santa. Howard said they asked Santa to convince this adult that Santa is not real.

  Howard played the clip and they had Jamie call into the Santa and asked him to tell her brother that Santa is not real. They did this over video so Santa was surprised to see Benjy get on. Benjy got all excited to see Santa. He said he still believes in him and he's his best friend. Santa told him that he's not real. Benjy refused to accept that and insisted that he is real because he got gifts last year. Santa took his beard off and Benjy freaked out. He told him to send him gifts and go ''Ho, Ho, Ho.'' Santa said it's time for him to stop believing.

  Howard said Benjy always plays a slow adult and no one questions it. Howard played more of the call and Benjy asked if he's doing this because he did the bad thing. He said he touched himself. Santa told him not to do that too much. He said maybe twice a week. He said it's okay to do that because you do need that release. Then Benjy said he's touching himself and getting bigger. He said he's about to explode. Santa told Benjy that he should turn off his video right now. He said he's not getting paid enough for this. Santa said he's out of there and hung up.

  Howard said this is what he imagines his therapy session to be like. He said if you have the courage to do that in front of Santa you should be able to get on stage and do stand up. Robin said Benjy can't act when they ask him to but he was able to do something here. She said it was great.

  Howard said it seems like playing a slow adult comes naturally to him. He said Jamie got back on with Santa and it turns out that he was well equipped to handle Benjy. Howard played the clip and Jamie said he did a good job with Benjy. Santa said that he works with some disabled adults so he was able to handle it. He said he thinks Benjy is okay knowing there is no Santa. He said he was glad he was able to help.

  Howard said they should congratulate Benjy on that. He said he was also in Sharknado playing the slow guy. Benjy said he's mixing that up with something he did on the show.

  Howard took a call from a guy, Dave, who said the problem with Benjy is that he could bump other comics on stage if he wanted. He said that it's at such a premium and he could get all the time he wants. He said he just doesn't want to go out there and do it. He said he could have any producer falling all over themselves. Howard asked if he's a stand up. Dave said he is. He said he's been busting his butt to get up there. He said that this is just laziness. Benjy said it's not, it's fear. Dave said they'll give him laughs just out of respect for the show. Benjy said he can't do that. He said he doesn't want to bump people. Howard cut him off and said thanks for all of that. He said thanks to Dave for the call too. Howard said how about learning to love the life you have and give up the idea of being a stand up comic. He said be an active participant throughout the day. He said that would be his advice.

  Robin said she wanted to be a signer and she would walk around wondering why. She said she wasn't doing anything to become a singer. She said one day an advisor told her to go ahead and sing and she was like ''What?'' She said she thought that she could be on stage singing but she was told she could just sing anywhere. She said that you don't have to do the dream. Howard said he could play in a band but he's not willing to take guitar lessons. He said he's accepted that. He said he doesn't dream about it. He said that's enough time on this. He said they have to take a break. Robin said the only person who can give Benjy the life he wants is Benjy. Howard said she's right. He said he really is tired and has to take a break. He said he had a dream about getting to the bottom of this thing but he knew it wasn't going to happen. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Howard Confused By FOX News And Andy Cohen. 01/04/22. 8:45am
  After the break they played a phony phone call Richard made to a religious internet radio show with clips of Ronnie as a possessed demon and Butthole Surfers ''Pepper.''

  Howard came back and talked up the Butthole Surfers song. He wondered if any DJ ever said ''Coming at you'' like he does. He said he thinks that's what they did back in the day but he's not sure if he's just making it up. He said when he started out he was listening to those guys and doing what they did. He said they would always say ''up top'' when they'd talk about the songs they played. He said when he got his first job he did that.

  Howard said he's really confused about FOX News. He said he has to mention New Year's Eve. He said once Trump became president he had to stop watching. He said they were against Trump until he became president. He said then it was like a light switch was flipped. He said some legit guys there changed. He said things have gotten really nutty now. He said it's so nutty because the republicans are liking this virus being so out of control. He said they say it's not a real virus and don't wear masks. He said on FOX News they had a show from Nashville and they went on and on about how they were unmasked here. He said just listen to this. He played a clip where the hosts were talking about how free they are there to not wear masks. They said it's about freedom and liberty there in Nashville.

  Howard said the weird thing about this is that they're cheering for not wearing masks and against the vaccine even though they both work. He said the people dying are the unvaccinated. He said FOX News was the only organization not broadcasting out of New York. He said ABC, NBC and others were in New York. JD said CBS was in Nashville.

  Howard said FOX News is one of the most strict about wearing masks in the building but they are talking about not wearing masks. He said it seems like they just want to win the next election and that's it. He said what a mess.

  Howard said he was talking about Andy Cohen and CNN. He said they ran tweets at the bottom of the screen on CNN for New Year's Eve. He said it was filled with fake names. He said he saw a bunch and it was pretty funny. He said they mentioned Andy being drunk and ranting. He said many CNN staffers were upset with that rant. He said Andy was on there drunk and not even working for CNN. He said he just works there on New Year's Eve. He said that the staffers were wondering why they can't be drunk too. Howard said Andy got on and blasted Bill de Blasio and that poor kid from Journey. He said that he's trying to get Andy on this morning to talk to him about this. He said he has to talk about this Arnel Pineda. He said he's better than Steve Perry if you ask him. He said that Andy goes to Grateful Dead shows with John Mayer. He said that's fake Grateful Dead. He said that's not Jerry Garcia up there. He said that's what Andy enjoys. He said none of the cover bands are the real Grateful Dead. He said he can't stand that band anyway. He said maybe they have one good song. He said if he hears ''Truckin'' one more time he'll kill himself.

  Howard said Andy has had COVID so many times. He said he was coughing all over people on New Year's Eve. He said he has a montage of him coughing. He said he had just had COVID not too long ago. Howard played the clip and Andy was coughing quite a bit.

  Howard said Anderson Cooper is as good as dead if you ask him. He said that's the Omicron cough. Howard said he's never heard so much coughing. Robin said she's going to call him COVID Andy. She said he's a super spreader. Howard said Andy goes to parties for 20 minutes and then runs off to another one. He said he always has 3 parties to go to.

  Howard said he has to ask him if he has a drinking problem. He said that he could go and have a couple of drinks and not get drunk. He said he might be calling in. He said he has to watch the baby until the housekeeper gets there. He said then he can cough on the housekeeper. Howard said Andy is being called Andy COVID now.

• Andy Cohen Calls In. 01/04/22. 9:00am
  Howard got Andy on the line and said he's the talk of the town. Andy said happy new year. Andy said he's going for number 3 COVID. He said he's had the first, Delta and now maybe the third. Howard said he must have had Omicron before.

  Howard said the attack on Journey was out of line. He said Steve Perry is a fuck head. He said this kid Arnel came in and tore it up. He said that Steve is a dick and he was a dick to the band. He said he loves that they found this kid. He said he sings better than Steve Perry. Howard asked if Andy will apologize to this kid. Andy said he does love the music of Journey. He said Neil Schon is married to one of the Real Housewives. He said it's a wild story. He said he likes that connection. Howard said he's being hypocritical. He said he runs around with John Mayer going to see Grateful Dead bands. He said they're fake bands. Andy said they're not called Grateful Dead. He said they have another name and it's some new band members and some of the old band. He said Journey has not recorded any new music since the new lead singer came in. Howard said it's the same with Queen. Andy said good point. He said Sammy Hagar came in and they recorded new music. He said it seems like they're just Journey and Friends. Howard said we all know that it's not the original band. He said Andy was out of line for that. Andy said he will apologize for that. He said he did like the documentary about the guy and he thinks that Arnel is great. He said that he loves that Howard latched on to that. He said he ranted about 18 things. Howard said who cares about Steve Perry. Andy said he didn't know that he was a dick.

  Howard said there are some CNN staffers who are angry for CNN putting him on New Year's Eve. Andy said that's from RadarOnline. Howard said that's right. Andy said he's now reading that site to get his sources. Howard said Andy was on that night drunk and he was ranting about stuff and the staff is upset with CNN. He said they want to go on drunk and rant and rave about Journey. Andy said that many people are saying that he should run for mayor. Robin asked mayor of what? Andy said that if they're quoting unnamed sources then he's going to make up other stuff. He said he will not be shamed for having fun on New Year's Eve. He said that's why he was there.

  Andy said that it's also a 4 and a half hour show. He said the booze started kicking in around 11:30. He said the show was very long and he wont be shamed for it. He said he and Anderson had a great time. He said they were in the car going home and they had a great time. He said he won't be shamed by ''unnamed'' people.

  Howard asked about his drinking and if he thinks it's out of control. He said he has a bar on his show. Andy said they do serve drinks on his live show. He said they're on 5 nights a week. He said he has drinks maybe 1 or 2 nights a week. Howard asked how much he's drinking. He wants to know the truth. Andy said that he's on a thing where he started in November only drinking 2 nights a week. He said he brought it down to 2 nights and he had no problem doing that. He said that's where he is now. He said he's on a 2 night a week thing. Howard asked where he is now. Andy jokingly said that he can drink as much as he wants in the morning.

  Howard asked if he could stop drinking for 3 months. Andy said he could do it. Howard said he thinks he has a problem and there's no way he could stop. He said he's drinking like crazy. He said just try it for 2 months. Andy said it was New Year's Eve. Howard said you can't be out of your mind when you're a broadcaster.

  Howard said he saw Andy out at some party once. He didn't stick around. Andy said that if he saw him it was on Long Island and he can't drink and drive so he leaves early. Howard said Andy got drunk on the date with Chris Wilding. He said he was so drunk that he ran into a door. Andy said that was not his brightest moment. He said they have gone over that. He said that his perception of him is off and it's just based on a couple of things.

  Howard said he used to have naked women on his show. He said then he met Beth and he didn't want to see them anymore. He said that Andy is into alcohol and that's why he has so much around him. Andy said he started his show 12 years ago and he used to drink every show and then go out after every show. He said he's a dad now and he can't do that. He said he doesn't like to be fat either. Howard said that's a good motivating force.

  Andy said there's no apology for anything he did on New Year's Eve. He said he was told to just have fun by Jeff Zucker. He said that is his job. He said it was a middling year and it ended in a car crash in COVID and Betty White dying on that day. He said they had to kick it into gear and have some fun. He said that night can be lonely and they were just having some revelry there.

  Howard asked if he was concerned when he went off on Ryan Seacrest that night. He said he's friends with Kelly Ripa. He asked if she's upset. Andy said she is not upset. He said he did throw ABC under the bus in his rant and that's his only regret from that night. He said that he likes Ryan and he was just enjoying the rant. He said he texted Ryan the next morning and that's where he'll leave it.

  Howard said for Andy to get on and say his feelings about Ryan and de Blasio is great. He said he is worried about him though. Andy said the thing he regrets is that he said something about how he has a feeling that he'll be there next year. He said that's the clip that they're going to play when he gets canceled this year. He said CNN did announce that he'll be back next year though.

  Andy said he wants to know when he's bringing back the news. Howard said he has said that before. He said they stopped the news when COVID hit but they'll bring it back on some days. He said they're willing to do that. Andy said they miss it. Howard said they do talk about the news all morning. Andy said there's something about it. Howard said how about they just do the show after asking Robin to do the news. Andy said that would be fine as long as they play Robin's theme song.

  Howard said Andy always has something health wise going on. Andy said he had skin cancer on his lip once. Howard said that's what it was. He said Chris Wilding had a theory that he was sick every year for ratings. He asked what he knows. Andy said he heard that Chris said he had fake COVID the first time he had it. Chris got on and said he did say that. He said he wanted to see the antibody test. Howard said he had it.

  Andy said that Chris is going to have COVID himself in a week. Chris said he never goes out. Howard said he went to Panama. Chris said he wont be going back there and that's a whole other story. He said that he is an ex now.

  Howard said everyone wants to know what's going on with Andy's love life now. He asked if he's lonely and unloved. Andy said he goes on dates but he has not found someone. He said the love of his life is his son. He said he wants to lock this thing up. Howard said how about Anderson Cooper. He asked if he's a bottom. Andy said they're just great friends. He said that would not work. He said they don't have that extra spark. Howard asked if he's too old for him. Andy said not at all. He said it would be great to find someone age appropriate.

  Howard asked what it is about Anderson that keeps him from falling in love with him. Andy said he thinks that they are just friends. He said that's not part of it. He said they're not attracted to each other that way. He said he's a handsome guy but they're just not into each other that way.

  Howard asked if he's still raising that kid or is he over it. Andy said he still has him. He said he was with him all morning. He said he would have called in earlier. Howard said he knows. He said the Nanny had to show up.

  Howard asked when he last had full on sex. Andy said it was a week ago. He said it was great. Howard asked where he met this guy. Andy said it was an old friend. He said they were preparing for New Year's Eve. He said it's someone he knows. Howard asked if it's a friend. Andy said that it's no one he'd know. Howard asked if it was Don Lemon. Andy said no. Howard asked if it was Wolf Blitzer. Andy said no.

  Howard asked if the guy plays his cards right could he be Mr. Andy Cohen. Andy said it could be. He asked Howard if he could be friends with someone and years into it have sex. Howard said he thinks so. He said he can imagine that happening. Howard said things like have happened when he was single for a year.

  Howard asked Andy how many people he has fucked in a year being single. Andy said maybe 2.

  Andy asked about Real Housewives and what he thinks about the new season. Howard said it's good. He said that it started out slow but it's been good.

  Howard said he thinks he's just a Beverly Hills guy. He said that he's heard some rumors about New York but he won't ask about that on the air.

  Andy said he would like to ask him about what he thinks about Ben Affleck and what he thought about the news that came out of that. Howard said he was so upset about that. He said that he called Ben after the interview and said that he was very brave saying what he said. He said Ben just said he felt trapped because he was no longer in love. He said that was so open and honest. He said it wasn't disparaging to his wife. He said it was just honest. He said he was being very relateable. He said he manned up and got out of the marriage. Howard said that was a real story.

  Howard said he doesn't think that the news was right with the way they ran that story. He said that they boiled down that 2 hour interview to that. Andy said he listened to that interview and that's not what was representative to the conversation they had.

  Howard said he remembers talking to Robin one day about something and mentioned Joe Rogan. He said the next day the headline was ''Howard Stern trashes Joe Rogan.'' Howard said he doesn't listen to Joe and hasn't spoken to him since the 90s. He said that he was surprising that the news was about that. He said it was misleading. Howard said this happens to him over and over again.

  Andy asked if he thinks that the Get Back special shows that Yoko Ono didn't break up the band. Howard said it was weird for a group to have her in there so much. He said that wasn't her fault. Howard said it was weird to have Yoko in there so much but he doesn't think she broke up the band. He said he once asked Paul about being in love with John. He said Paul pushed back on that but he thinks you can see it in that documentary.

  Howard said that documentary was wonderful because we got to see geniuses creating something. Howard said Ringo has aged very well. He said people get plastic surgery to stay young. He said he doesn't think Ringo is doing that but maybe he's dying his hair. He said he looks good. Andy said he does.

  Andy asked when they're coming back. Howard said when they clear the building of Andy they're coming back. Andy said he was coughing his way around the halls there. Howard said they see that he COVID tests aren't reliable. He said that he has to stop running around. He said he has to get rid of the cough first. Andy said he needs to go out and just get COVID and get over it. He said get it and be done with it. He said they'll see that it can just be over. Howard said Andy has gone through it twice. Andy said that it would have been worse without the vaccine. He said he knows so many people who have it now. He said there are people in their 80s and they have the vaccine and the booster and they're not dying. He said they're in bed and tired with it. He said they're fine. He said he knows 4 80 year olds who just got over it. He said that it's much better than in the beginning when they had nothing. Howard said this vaccine works. He said if the rest of the fuck heads in the country would take it then maybe they could get past it. Andy asked if he saw him in the Hamptons if he would run the other way. Howard said he absolutely would.

  Howard asked if he can name the person that he's seeing. Andy said he's not going to do that. Howard said at some point he has to settle down. Andy said bring back the news. Howard said he'll do that when Andy settles down. Andy said ''Oh boy...'' Howard said he should give him a plug. He gave him some plugs for Real Housewives of Dubai. Andy said they have 9 cities going right now. Howard asked how he has time for all of this. Andy said he's an active Executive Producer of the Real Housewives. He said that he does casting, watching cuts of shows and doing notes on them. He said he will trouble shoot with the women and things like that. He said he does the reunions too.

  Howard asked if he would have been a billionaire now if he had done this outside of Bravo. Andy said probably. He said he wound up pivoting and went on camera and that helped in other ways. Howard asked if he owns the franchise. Andy said no but Bravo and NBC do. He said that they kept him on as an Executive Producer and that was great. He said he's able to share in it. Howard said he only knows Bravo because of Real Housewives. Andy said they have other shows like Below Deck. Howard said that's Mark Cronin. He said he used to work with Mark. He said Andy's franchise is huge there. He said he must have them by the balls and he must get a lot of money out of that deal. Andy said they let him stay on as an Executive Producer. Howard asked how much money he gets for that. Andy said they'll talk about that later. Howard asked who his agent is. Andy said don't worry about it. Then he said it's Don Buchwald. Howard said Andy really revolutionized that franchise. Andy said that he joined when Queer Eye was there. He said they were on a run.

  Howard said he really wonders what Andy gets out of that deal. He said he wants to know what kind of dough he gets. Andy said it's good. He said no one is complaining. He said everything is great and he's happy. Howard asked Siri what Andy is worth. He got his phone out and asked her what his net worth is. She said as of 2018 it's about $15 million. Howard said that's for the guy who invented Real Housewives. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that number but he would have thought at least triple that. Robin said it was 2018 dollars. Howard asked if that's accurate. Andy said it is not. He said he can't say if it's lower or higher. He said he really has to go. He said he has to be at the gym in 12 minutes and then go to Watch What Happens Live. Howard said stop it. He said he's going to the gym to spread COVID. He said he's still coughing.

  Howard said he loves Andy. He said he's glad that he's not drinking heavily and all of that. He said that he's happy for him and his son too. He let him go a short time later.

  Howard wondered what gym he goes to. He said he doesn't want him at his house or Anderson either. He said he wants the together though. He said he'd officiate that wedding.

  Howard said Andy was the talk of the town after that rant on New Year's Eve. He played some of his rant about Journey.

  Howard said he would be drunk as a skunk if he had to stand in that crowd too. He said he'd have to be high as a kite.

• Betty White Update, Christmas Party And Chris Wilding. 01/04/22. 9:50am
  Howard said he has to wrap up the show. Robin said they should talk about Betty White and the cause of death. Robin said that she died of natural causes. She said that she died in her sleep. Howard said she had a blessed life. Robin said people are trying to make it about COVID. She said there are rumors she had a shot days before she died and it's a reaction to the vaccine but that's completely untrue. She said that her PR person said that she had not had her booster yet. Howard said he's glad she brought that up.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves the show and everyone there. She said she wants to ask what happened with Chris Wilding and what happened there. Howard said he is kind of curious. He said he hears what she's saying.

  Howard asked Chris to come back on. He said he's not privy to what happened. He said he was going to get to it tomorrow. Howard said they had a staff Christmas party over zoom. He said it was very strange. Robin said it was. She said that you end up in places you don't want to be. Chris said it felt like a party in the main room. Howard said the private rooms are so you can have a conversation. He said he was kind of gone once the drag queens came on. He said over Zoom it was just a bunch of noise.

  Howard said at one point Fred's wife was there. He said some years she's there and some she's not. Howard said she asked to be in a room with people she wants to talk to and he thinks he was in the room. Fred said that he thinks she mis-timed her drinking. He said he thinks she had a couple of belts in her. Howard said she blurted out that she wanted to be in a room with people she wanted to talk to. Fred said that she did ask to be put in a room with people that she knows. Robin said that she was in the room with them already. Fred said that she did get a little upset with what she said.

  Howard said he blew up at Gary yesterday and he was apparently overly critical. He said everyone wanted him to make a speech at the party and he said he was grateful for the work they do. He said on his screen he saw that Gary was eating at the time. He said that was the one thing his phone was focused on. He said he wondered why he was doing that at that time. He said he knows about the idea of the party and how you're supposed to eat but maybe if you're Gary you eat before the party.

  Howard said they did edit that Gary rant yesterday. He said that the only people who heard the whole thing were the people who heard it live. He said he would have asked Gary not to eat during his speech. He asked Gary why he didn't eat before the party. Gary said it was just bad timing.

  Howard said the person who pops up on your screen on Zoom is someone who is talking. He said Gary ate so loud that it popped up. Gary said he was muted. Howard said he couldn't have been. He said he was up front on the screen. Gary said he's sorry about that then. Howard asked what he was eating. Gary said it was Chicken Parm. Howard said that's a messy thing to eat. He said each bite was like 25 chews. He said Gary's wife looked horrified.

  Howard said he doesn't mean to be mean to Gary. Gary said that he has learned his lesson. Howard said he would never eat on Zoom. He said don't listen to everyone. He said he ate at 5. He said he's trying to push Beth into that as a regular time. He said he's in bed by 8.

  Howard said Beth ate 1/4 of a Keylime pie last night. He said he's not sure where she put it. He said she doesn't eat all day. He said she's dizzy by dinner. He said she does Hydrow and walks 6 or 7 miles. He said she's dizzy by dinner because of all of that.

  Howard said he's just telling Gary all of this stuff as a friend. Gary said he gets it. Howard said he was wrong yesterday and edited the show. He said that he was wrong and Gary was right. Howard said maybe put your hand over the camera when you're eating. He said it looks like he's about to cry. Gary said he's fine.

  Howard asked what Gary has heard about this break up that Chris had. Gary said that he just heard that it was over. He said that it may have been over since the last time he was on the air.

  Chris said things got ugly. He said he's not sure how much he wants to talk about. Howard said he has a theory that the guy was still with the ex boyfriend and he said to him that something was up. He asked if he's close. Chris said he's in the building. He said he'll tell him that. Chris said it's nothing he didn't see and know. He said he saw it coming down the pipe. He said he's still shocked though.

  Chris said he can't get into all of it. He said that he's being accused of doing it for air time. He said that he's now following all of these hot guys who are fans of the show. He said that he thinks he used him but maybe it's the other way. He said that he really did love the guy though. He said he broke up with the boyfriend. He said that he found out new information that he knew before he traveled over there. He said that he didn't like the situation and he wanted to let him know. He said he thought they might come to an understanding but he stopped hearing from him and he took all of their pictures down. He said the boyfriend asked him to take all of their pictures down as well. He said he was accusing him of using him. He said he was trying to make him look like the bad guy.

  Howard asked if he's down on gay love. Chris said he is because these things always end this way. He said he's very sad about this whole thing. Howard said he and Ralph were talking about him and Ralph was thinking he should calm down. Chris said that he was posting pictures because the guy was so insecure with the relationship that he was doing it to show that he was taken. He said he wanted him to talk about him on air so people knew he was taken. He said the tables were turned on him and he felt like it was unfair. He said this was his way of not dealing with things and turning it all on him.

  Howard asked if he's looking for a new boyfriend. Chris said that he's in between. He said he was thinking that this guy had already moved on when he took the pictures down. He said he's not enjoying the whole app thing. He said he's still thinking about the guy and still wants to send him stuff. He said he really loved the guy.

  Howard asked if he misses the guy and some of the stuff he said to him. Chris said he does. He said he really misses him. Howard asked if he jerks off thinking about the guy. Chris said he has but he's moving on to other things. He said he has had bad experiences with Latino men. He said they're just not compatible. Howard said that's a blanket statement. Chris said he knows. Robin said this is the right time for a Latino man to walk in. Chris said he's looking and he wants a guy who has ambition and he's stable. He said long story short, any hot guys out there can message him.

  Howard played a song parody featuring Chris doing his boyfriend impression. Howard let Chris go after that.

• Yesterday's Show Censored By Howard. 01/04/22. 10:15am
  Howard took a call from a woman who said she was upset about the censoring of the rant against Gary. She said she has been a fan of the show for 30 years and she was about to punch a guy in the face over something he said to her. She said that she got so hurt when he said that they censored the show.

  Howard said his two brother in laws were talking and one of them heard the live rant. He said the other brother in law didn't hear it. He said that people love it when he gets worked up over Gary. He said he really felt bad afterward. He said that he knows how much it hurts. He said Gary told him to leave it up but he wasn't able to get through his day leaving it. The caller said missing it makes her feel cheated.

  Howard said what got it going was Jimmy Kimmel. He said that Jimmy sent him a picture of the ''Gary is Annoying'' screen from his car radio. He said his daughter thought it was a song that she was hearing and asked to heard it. Howard said the Gary thing lit his fuse and that set him off. The caller said that they love that stuff on the show.

  Gary said that he has to say that he loves it when people say that he knows it's all in fun but he really doesn't know that. The caller said there are listeners who want to hear it even if it's horrible.

  Howard said he took out a lot of the personal stuff that was in the rant. He said if Gary screws up again he'll put it on a loop and not censor it. Howard said he just felt so bad about it that he had to cut it out. He said he does love Gary. He said that he wants him to know.

  Gary said he knew something was up yesterday. He said that Robin didn't pile on and told Howard he might want to take some of it back. Howard said it's like when the news programs blur a beheading video or something like that. The caller said she's been a listener since a teenager and she will continue to listen. She said she'll never stop.

  Howard let the caller, Camille, go a short time later. He said she was lovely. He said he did censor the show yesterday but he was feeling bad about Gary. He said he admits it. He said if you missed it then you have to listen live. He said you have to hear the uncensored version.

  Robin said everyone has done that and wants to take something back. She said that's the emotion. Howard said the late night shows can edit their stuff. He said that's what he did yesterday. Robin said he was doing a wind up and she knew that he'd regret it. Howard said he tried to listen but he couldn't.

  Howard said a lot of the fans thought he was hard on Gary. He went through some of that. He said Mariann called the Wrap Up Show and said she would stop listening to the show if he fired Gary. He said if you're a superfan you don't do that. He took a call from Mariann who said that she was so sick yesterday after hearing that. Howard said he would fire people but he isn't comfortable doing it. Mariann said that she had a bad day yesterday worrying about Gary. She said she was worried about Howard and Beth too. She said she wasn't trying to make gay slurs about Chris wither. She said she was trying to say he was a kiss ass. Howard said the fans were upset with her over that too. She said it wasn't homophobic.

  Howard said moving on he had some feedback about Mariann's homophobic stuff. He said that she claims it wasn't. Howard replayed the clip from yesterday and he said he doesn't think she's being homophobic. Robin said it just sounds that way. Howard said he doesn't know what she was saying.

  Howard said over the break they played a Best of 2021 special on Howard 100 and 101. He read some feedback about the special.

  Someone mentioned Sal talking to squirrels and Robin said that Sal wrote to her that her gift to him was a sign of something to him. Howard said what a douche. Robins said everything is a sign to him. Howard said not everything is a sign. He said it's just a gift.

  Howard read more feedback about Sal and some of the other stuff they replayed during vacation. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:35am.

• Instagram Comments Set Howard Off. 01/05/22. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about how annoyed he was. He said the other day he had to pick up a cat and move it into another room. He said Beth video recorded it and he thought no one would care. He said Beth thought it would be cute. He said people think he's Atilla the Hun. He said he did his thing with the cat and it got like 130,000 views. He said he was reading the comments and most people were nice. He said then he saw the negative comment from one guy who said he doesn't understand why Americans wear shoes in their house. He said someone wrote back and started an argument. He said he wanted to comment. He said he was going to write that these are his house shoes that are almost like slippers. He said he's fine with wearing shoes in his house though. He said he wasn't born in Japan or somewhere. He said they track dirt into their house. He said this is how we keep our immune system strong. He said one time he broke his toe because he wasn't allowed to wears shoes in his house. He said he broke his pinkie toe and he had a few drinks in him. He said he's been wearing shoes in the house since then. Beth told him to just have some house shoes. He said he doesn't wear them outside.

  Howard said he changes shoes if he takes out the garbage. He said he got annoyed with this guy. He said those were his house shoes. He said he got really upset with the guy. He said he was worked up. Robin said she can't believe he wants to write this guy. Howard said he gets steamed and angry. He said he was on with his shrink telling him about being angry with Gary. He said it had nothing to do with Gary. He said they got to the bottom of that. He said the cure is to get angry at the shrink instead. He said he told him to get angry with him and he said the same things about him that he said about Gary. He said it wasn't as fun.

  Robin said her therapists asked for her to tell her what she finds wrong with her. She said she went off on her about smoking during the sessions. She said she was sick of cigarette smoke in the office and she said she won't do that anymore.

  Howard said he was asked to get mad at his shrink once and he went off on his socks. He said he didn't know why he did that. He said it's easier to be angry at Gary.

• David Bowie Discussions. 01/05/22. 7:05am
  Howard said SiriusXM has a David Bowie channel starting up again. He said he likes when they do that. He said David would have been 75 years old this year. He said he likes seeing him from back in the day. He said he used to chain smoke like crazy and it upsets him. He said he died of liver cancer and they say that can be caused by smoking. He said he used to smoke too but that was to look cool. He said he never got laid because of it. He said he looks at that and goes crazy from it. He said he would have been a 75 year old master craftsman if he had been around. He said it makes him sick.

  Howard said he just saw the family sold publishing for Bowie's catalog. He said they even sold the Tin Man stuff. He said he's not sure who is listening to that but they bought it. Howard said they bought it for like $250 million. He said the family was left the catalog and they sold it. He said they took the pay off.

  Robin said she thought that he had done something with the catalog. Howard said he did. He said he got back some of his catalog. He said he asked his fans to invest and he'd buy it back. He said they raised $55 million and they brought back the masters of his songs. He said he's not sure why that's important but whatever. He said that the guys just corrected him and said it's Tin Machine and not Tin Man. He said he thought he said Machine.

  Howard said Bowie smoked like a machine. He said he did look very cool doing it. He said Bowie had to know that it was going to get him. He said we all knew it was bad for you. He said he smoked from about 14 to 19. He said he had a 5 year period. He said he was hiding it from his parents. He said he wasn't able to smoke all the time. He said he did smoke a lot when he was smoking. He said he went to college and quit. He said he wanted his voice to sound good. He quit cold turkey. He said he only smoked for 5 years but he may have smoked enough for 50.

  Howard said he was hoping the girls were watching. He said no one admits why they smoked. He said he did it to look cool. He said no one was talking to him even when he did smoke. He said he wasn't cool like David Bowie.

  Howard said the David Bowie channel is on 104 until January 18th. He said the best David Bowie cover was Aurora's ''Live on Mars.'' He said he loved that. He said it was on some show like ''Girls'' with Lena Dunham. He said he's not sure why she didn't continue doing that show. He said she was great. He said she was overweight and she would walk around naked and it was great. He said he was watching that show and they played that song at the end of an episode. He said the song came on and it was so great. He said he heard her sing it. He said she's from Norway. He said he looks her up from time to time. He said she's still out there doing her thing. He said she's an indie artist so she's not with a big company or anything. He said she'd rather just busk for her money.

  Howard said he loves when people say a band sold out. He said they sell out so they don't have to live in a van because they're sick of that.

  Howard said Aurora did the best version of ''Life on Mars.'' He played her version of the song that she performed in the studio. Howard said it's so good. He sang along with it a little bit.

  Howard said Aurora was so cute too. He said she looked like you'd break her if you fucked her. He said she had a great look.

  Howard said Nirvana did ''The Man Who Sold the World'' and they did a great job with that. He said when they covered that Kurt had never even heard David Bowie. He said Kurt must have grown up on another planet. He said there was one song that he said he knew which was ''Lets Dance.'' He said then someone played him this song and he did the cover that went huge. He played some of that cover. Howard said some of these shit heads don't know that it was a Bowie song. He said they think Cobain wrote it.

  Howard said some people in his opinion do botch their covers of Bowie songs. He said some of his favorite guys do that. He said Willie Nelson is great and he's had him on the show but he thinks he messed this cover up. He said he's guessing that someone suggested he do this after Johnny Cash covered a Nine Inch Nails song. He said Willie covered ''Under Pressure.'' Robin said oh no. Howard said Willie has written some of the best songs he's ever heard so he doesn't need this pressure. He said he covered the song with someone from the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. He said it didn't work. Howard played some of that cover. He said everyone get out of the studio, that's enough. He had to cut it off. He said he's had enough. Robin said that was a bit of a misstep. Howard said he'd like to go play chess with Willie down there in Hawaii. He said that's what he'd like to do. Robin said it's not ''down there''. Howard asked where it is. Robin said it's over there. She said it's not below us. Howard said he just knows it's in the Pacific.

  Howard said he has no sense of direction. He said blame it on his lack of education. He said he doesn't know how to get into town from his house. He said just ask Beth. He said he got lost in his house. Robin laughed. Howard said he really did. He said he was down in Florida and hadn't been there in a while. He said this guy came over and asked to use the bathroom and he wasn't able to find it. He said he was yelling out to Beth asking where it was. He said the guy asked if he really lived there. Howard said even more embarrassing was that the first door he opened was a closet.

  Howard said the other story about Bowie is the song Starman and this band that covered it. He said this band was named Milky Edwards and the Chamberlings. He said it turns out that the band wasn't real and it was a fake band. He said this guy did the cover and they were trying to goof on stuff. He said this is the cover. He played the song for Robin. Howard said no one knows who actually did it. He said the font used in the album art was designed in 2011. He said it didn't even make sense when it came out. He said no one has a record of the band existing. He said what it means is that someone wasted a lot of time making up a band.

  Howard said Fred did that once. He said they Rolling Stones were coming out with a new song and it was a cover. He said there was a big thing with who would be the first to play the song. He said WNEW used to get it all first. He said Fred came up with his own version of this song that was coming out. He said they'd go on the air and say they had this new song first. He said Fred did this fake version of the song. Howard asked what song it was. Fred said it was the Bob and Earl song ''Harlem Shuffle.'' He said it was an old song from the 60s. He said the band Pig Vomit did the arrangement. He said they went to a studio and recorded it and there it was.

  Howard said he got the song and he said it was the actual version of the song. He said he played it and this is it. He played Fred's version of ''Harlem Shuffle.'' Howard said the song was so close to the actual Stones version that the record label guy said they were sending over a cease and desist order to stop them from playing it. He said they told him it was Fred but he insisted it was the Stones. Howard played the Stones version which was close to what Fred and Pig Vomit had done. He said it was dead on.

  Howard said he's trying to A/B the songs but he can't do it. He said Fred's version was pretty close. He said they got the cease and desist and kept trying to tell them it wasn't the Stones. Gary said he got the call from the record company guy and he said they had gone too far this time. He said he had heard the actual version. He said the guy insisted that it was the Stones. He said they went back and forth and asked each other if they were sure.

  Howard said anyway the Bowie channel is on 104 until January 18th. He said god rest his soul.

• Howard Takes Some Calls. 01/05/22. 7:35am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to thank him for turning him on to Aurora. He said she's still performing in the U.S. He said that he has a Bowie story too. He said he saw him in 2004. He said the stage manager died between the opening act and Bowie starting and they never got to see Bowie. Howard said at least he got to see someone die.

  Howard said Aurora has a new album coming out this month. He said good for her. He said she has a good voice.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in line to get swabbed for COVID-19. He said he's triple vaccinated and got his flu shot too. Howard said a friend wrote to him and said that Omicron is knocking on their door like the big bad wolf. Howard said it's actually a friend of his daughter that sends this stuff. He said that his friends don't send him classy stuff like this. He said Wayne Segal sends him stuff like asking if he saw this woman who sells her farts in a jar to people. He said she claims she's making $50,000 a week selling her farts. He said she was eating her weird foods to fart and she got backed up so she had to go into the hospital. Howard said he and Wayne went back and forth about that.

  Howard said this is the woman who farts into the jar. He had some audio of her talking about it like she's proud. She starts off with ''Hey guys.'' and you know she knows that it's all guys watching her. Howard played more of the audio and she talked about what she eats to make herself fart. She was also talking about putting a flower in there with her farts to make them last longer. Howard said you don't put a flower in with a fart. He said that ruins the whole odor.

  Howard said it's sickening what people are famous for. He said they do stupid nothing. He said that the world is over based on what's going on. He said lets just make Trump king already. He said they can have all their freedoms taken away. Robin said we don't deserve that. Howard said we do. He said there are women selling farts in a jar. Robin said that wouldn't even end up in her email. She said only Howard finds out about that.

  Howard had more audio of Fart Girl talking about what she makes selling her farts. She was answering questions about how long they last in the jar and things like that. She said she thinks that people buy them because she's got a good personality and she's hot. She said there's nothing easy about farting. Howard said she ended up in the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack. He said there's nothing less hot than hearing a woman talking about shitting.

  Howard said it's so stupid selling farts in a jar. He said the pet rock thing sounds smart now. Robin said if someone will do it then why not. Howard said he hopes Gary gets it for him as a gag gift.

  Howard took a call from a guy in Washington DC so he asked if they cleaned up the snow there. The guy said it's almost done. He asked Howard why he didn't ask Mick Jagger about that song story he just told. Howard said he only had a short time with him. He said he would have liked to have told him that but he may not have done more than just giggle about it. He said he would have rushed the story and all of that too. The caller said fair enough.

• Pete Davidson Discussions. 01/05/22. 7:40am
  Howard said he did read an item right before he got on the air. He said it was about Kim Kardashian blocking Miley Cyrus on Instagram. Howard said Miley did a New Year's special with Pete Davidson and Miley was throwing herself at Pete. He said this guy must be pinching himself. He said he must think he's dreaming. Howard said very publicly women are fighting over him. He said he saw Pete on the Tonight Show and Miley was singing to him asking why he didn't pick her over Kim. Howard said he must be shocked that this is going on. He said it must be overwhelming for Pete. He said it has to be weird for the guy. He said his whole persona is to play a guy who doesn't get laid. He said once he got the stink of Ariana Grande on him it just took off. He said now Kim Kardashian is fighting with Miley Cyrus over him. He said that he must be like ''What the fuck?''

  Howard said what it looks like is that Miley is throwing herself at Pete. He said she must want to fuck him. He said that she wants him since everyone else wants him. Robin said as soon as he pokes his head out of the basement he lives in the people come flocking. Howard said he was a minor player on Saturday Night Live a few years ago and he admits he sucked. He said when Pete walks on now it's like the Beatles. He said the women are going nuts over him. He said he has to have Pete on again to talk to him about this.

  Howard said he had a friend named Rita who was very attractive. He said he would walk to class with her in college. He said a girl who saw him walking with her thought he was dating her so she wanted to date him. He said he dated this girl and a week into that she asked if he ever dated Rita. He said no and she broke up with him. He said he knew he was out of his league and it was a lot of pressure on him. He said it was almost too much. He said he was spending all of his time with this hot chick. He said he was working it really hard.

  Howard said he's happy for Pete if he can juggle it. He said he thinks he had to go into his mom's basement to get away from it all. He said it's unbelievable. He said think of his resume. He said he had Kate Beckinsale, Kaia Gerber and Kim Kardashian. He said that Larry David's daughter may have been in on that too. He said the only people who haven't been with him are Robin, Dr. Jill Biden and the queen.

  Howard said if Pete wanted to come over for dinner he'd say no. He said he'd have to lock up his daughters and his wife.

• The Bachelor Discussed. 01/05/22. 7:50am
  Howard said he started watching the new Bachelor. He said they hired a guy to host. He said he's not sure what's going on at ABC. He said they got this guy who looks like Bluto as the Bachelor. He said the guy didn't last 10 minutes with the girls. He said he's completely blown up. He said he's in on the show so he'll watch anyone. He said the host looks just like the Bachelor. He said they need a guy like Chris Harrison. He said he wants Chris back even if they think he's racist. He said they need someone like Jon Lovitz or even Gilbert Gottfried to host. He said get JD to host. He said he could do it. Howard said they got this guy to host and he looks just like the Bachelor. Robin said stop watching it. Howard said he never will. He said they need Chris back.

  Howard said the host is Jesse Palmer. He said they can't bring back Chris Harrison. He said they should have him grow a goatee and have him back as his cousin or something. He said he can be Briss Harrison. He said he can be George Harrison. Robins said how about Kitt Harrison. Howard said it's like Derek from Texas like Eric the Actor did. Howard said he could be Harry Harrison. He said that's a guy who used to be on radio when he was growing up. He said that's what he wanted to be. He said what a douche bag he was. He said he heard Harry and he wanted to do that.

• Pig Virus' Biggest Humiliation. 01/05/22. 7:55am
  Howard said he had the strangest thought the other day. He said they worked for this guy Pig Virus and he was thinking about the worst thing the guy made him do. He said there were a lot of shitty things he did to him. He said he could fill a whole journal with the things he did. Howard said the biggest humiliation was that when they got there Pig Virus was yelling at him over a lot of things. He said he had teased Roz Frank who was the traffic girl. He said she'd go in the helicopter. He said that one of the women died in a helicopter. He said that they never heard from her again. He said she died after they left but the woman, Jane Dornacker, was a lovely woman. He said Gary would read the news to the women in the chopper because it was all a bunch of phony stuff. He said it was such a bunch of nonsense. He said Roz was nice. He said she went up there and thought she was going to die flying around. He said he did too.

  Howard said the whole shtick was that Imus would get on and say it was time to go to Roz Frank in the N-Copter. He said that she'd be up there and Imus would come back and go into a song.

  Howard said that Pig Virus went off on him for talking to Roz Frank. He said that he told him that Roz is way more important to the station than he was. He said he had just come out of Washington DC at number 1. He said he had turned that station around in 9 months but Roz was more important to the station than he was. Howard said he was trying to get him to quit. Howard said what a fucking dick move that was. He said he did it right before he went on the air.

  Howard said his big revenge was going to number 1 and beating Roz and Imus in the morning. He said that he had no beef with Roz. He said it was all about Pig Virus. He said he thinks he wrote about this in his book. He said Roz used to clear her throat before going on the air and he recorded that and played it. He said they'd play Celebrity Phlegm and have people play the game. He said the fans loved it.

  Howard said Imus was shaking in his boots. He said that they went to number 1 in the afternoon despite all of the speed bumps they had in the way. He said then Pig Virus was his buddy. He said his ass was dripping wet so much that he didn't need a Toto toilet. He said if he had been on his side he would have worked with him forever.

  Howard said he and Fred were talking the other day and he mentioned Roz to him. He said that's where this all came from. Robin said she didn't know her. She said she may have seen her in the hall a couple of times. Howard said Pig Virus was always pitting him against people. He said he always did that to him.

  Howard did his impression of Imus and Roz talking to each other. He went into song after that. Howard said he wanted to be on any station like WPLJ but he ended up on WNBC. He said he had to do it. He said he had to get to New York. He said he had conquered Washington DC in 9 months. He said he had to get to New York. He said they were kicking ass in DC and it didn't matter. He said it wasn't the whole country. He said he wanted a national show where he beat everyone.

  Robin said they don't have department stores anymore. She said they did an appearance at Woodward & Lothrop in DC and they had a crowd of people so huge that they couldn't handle it.

  Howard said he did get a call from the guy who was running WPLJ and he said he was keeping an eye on him. He said he never did give him a job there. Howard said he was told he could have a 1 minute spot to talk per hour. He said there was no way he was going to do that. He said then NBC called and he went there. He said he didn't know it was going to be a nightmare. He said that's what these media companies would do to you back then. He said be careful when you start your career.

  Robin said they were horrible people there at WNBC. She said they all treated her poorly. Howard said it was like a competition to see who could treat her worse. He said he kept asking her to just hang on a little longer. He said he didn't want to let them win. He said they did win and they haven't been heard from since. He asked what it all means in the end. He said the morons in his country want Donald Trump to be king. He said nothing makes sense.

  Howard said there are people who think that the January 6th insurrection was a good thing last year. He said that a group of people killed a police officer that day. He said this is your leader. He said why have a democracy anymore if you want to turn over the election. He said fuck it, who cares. He said let Rome burn.

  Howard said he sees a lot of people want to talk to him. He said he has a lot to get to. He said he's going to get to this after a break. He said he will name the best phony phone call of the year. He said he will have an update on Bigfoot. He said they have a bit with Tan Mom too. He said he can even play a phony phone call on top of that where Richard called a show and acted out the Home Alone movie. He said they have a lot to get to.

  Howard took a call from Bobo who said he read about Sly Stallone displaying his art in Germany. He asked Howard if he would do that. Howard said he's working on some stuff now and he might have enough for a show some day. He said he doesn't want to sell anything though. He said he started about 7 years ago. He said he has so few that he might not want to sell them. He said he might think about doing a show for charity or something. He said he is considering selling his farts in a jar to raise money though.

  Howard took a call from Larry Burger the (fake) Program Director from WPLJ. He said he's still keeping an eye on him and the direction he's going. He said he's going to keep that up and Howard should keep working on it. Howard said maybe it's good they didn't hire him. He said that they would have fired him and it wouldn't have been good.

  Howard said now WPLJ is a Christian station. He said maybe they'd still be around if they had hired him. Howard said he remembers getting that call from Larry when he was in Detroit. He said it wasn't helpful. He said he just said he was keeping an eye on him. Howard reenacted the call with Larry.

  Howard said he remembers getting on WNBC and how they lost a bunch of advertisers the first week. He said these advertisers were dropping like flies. He said they claimed they couldn't make money with him but he figured maybe they'd come around. Howard said he likes that McDonald's had a conscience when it came to him. He said their food isn't good for people. He said he's a bad person though. He said you can't debate that their food is good for you.

  Howard said the irony wasn't lost on him that McDonald's wouldn't advertise with him because he was a bad person. He said they're getting away with murder there but he's the bad person. He said they have a clown to sell fattening food to kids but he's the monster. He asked who the monster really is there. He said maybe it's all bad for America. He said just make Donald Trump king already and give the idiots their way. Howard went right into a live commercial read for a mattress company. That led to him talking about how he had to hire an aide for his dad and that person stays in the apartment with them. He said the woman got sick and had to leave and she woke his mom up. He said he got an ear full about that. He went into his impression of his mother going off on him about that.

  Howard said his father has never fallen but his mother is worried that he will. He said it sounds like misery. He had his mother talking about how they're doing the best they can. Howard said the people trapped in their cars for 27 hours in Washington DC complain less than his mother. He finished his live commercial read after that. They went to break a short time later.

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• Bigfoot Update. 01/05/22. 8:30am
  After the break they played a Crackhead Bob ordering Chinese food phony phone call and Bryan Adams ''Summer of '69.''

  Howard came back and said this is a great song. He said you assume that song is about the year 1969 but it's actually about the sexual position 69. He said that's a dude for you. He said that's like what he would write a song about. He said he learned to play this on guitar years ago. He said it takes on a whole new meaning when you hear him play. He said he thinks this is Ronnie's favorite song because it's got 69 in it. He said he likes the part where he goes ''69.'' He said Ronnie is like 70 and still yelling about 69. Fred played some clips of Ronnie yelling ''Sixty nine!''

  Howard said Bryan followed this up with a song about reverse cowgirl and Dirty Sanchez. He asked if Robin knows what that is. Robin said she can't remember. Howard said it's something disgusting involving feces. Gary said he thinks it's where you have anal and pull out and if you have shit on your dick you wipe the shit on her upper lip so she has a moustache. Howard said it's not only disgusting but racist as well.

  Howard asked if Robin ever had that. Robin asked if he's ever heard that she's killed someone. Howard said it would have been bad if the guy in San Francisco had done that to her. He said it's so wrong on so many levels.

  Howard said he doesn't like that name. He said he's very offended. Robin asked what LatinX is. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said she's not sure either but she's heard the term. Howard said he's not sure what it is. He said maybe it's a generational thing. Robin said maybe. She said she can't keep up with all the phrases.

  Robin asked if Howard knows what an EV is. Howard said no. Robin said that's what Gary is driving. it's an electric vehicle. She asked what ICE is. Howard said it's immigration. Robin said it's an internal combustion engine vehicle.

  Howard said he has a Bigfoot update. He said then he'll get to some calls. He said everyone knows who Bigfoot is. He said they met him in 2008. He said he's a huge, bearded mountain man from Vermont. He said he's had scabies and he wipes his ass with towels. He said they knew he was a star right away. He said he's not 63 years old. He said that he has a verbal tick where he says ''It is'' after he says something. He said it's an unusual verbal tick.

  Howard said they last heard from Bigfoot in 2020. He said he had a spider infestation in his apartment. He said he had admitted he played Russian roulette with a gun at some point. He said he thought he had people spying on him. He said that he thought he had the ability to read minds and he had people after him about that.

  Howard said in his last call Bigfoot called in to tell them about his super powers. He played the clip where Bigfoot called in on his own and told them he had helicopters following him and then he told Howard he's a Jew. He said he figured that out all by himself. Howard said he outed him that day. He said it was an upsetting day.

  Howard said a year ago Bigfoot was accused of lighting his apartment building on fire. He said he was arrested on an arson charge. He said they caught up with him recently and he filled them in on his year. Howard played the clip where Wolfie asked Bigfoot what he's up to now. He's living in a group home and he's happy there. Bigfoot said he's on some medications. He said that things are going good for him. Howard said it sounds like he has his shit together. Robin said it does.

  Howard said Bigfoot is in a treatment facility but he has his hand in a bunch of shit. Howard played a clip of Bigfoot talking about how he's selling cigars and cigarettes. He said he's also in a loan sharking business. He said he loans out money and gets it back. He said that's all in the group home. He said it's not illegal there but they can't stop him anyway.

  Howard said he's living his best life in there. He asked what it is selling cigarettes like that. He said if he's selling them for 50 cents how is he making money. Robin said she's not sure what a pack costs now but he must break it up and make some money. She said then he loans it out because he's a loan shark. Howard asked if he's losing money on the cigarettes. Robin said if he's not buying them then he's making money. Howard said it says there he's selling them for a dollar.

  Howard said he has a Bigfoot game to play. He said he has always been open about his sexuality. He said he has done some gay stuff over the years. He said he has things that they asked him if he'd fuck. He asked if he'd fuck Santa. Robin said yes. Bigfoot said yes he would.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck a Christmas Tree. Robin said she thinks no for that. Bigfoot did say no to that. He said it's too prickly.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck a snow man. Robin said she thinks that's a yes. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said he would not because it's too cold. He said he's allergic to getting too damp or too cold. He said he breaks out in hives.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would jerk off into eggnog and drink it. Robin said yes. Bigfoot said no he would not but only because eggnog doesn't agree with him.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck an elf. He said yes to that one.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck a reindeer. Robin said she'll say yes. Howard said he thinks she's off on that. Bigfoot said he would not. He said they might have some disease. He said he's not an ''aminal fucker.''

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck the Grinch. Robin said she's thinking that's an animal. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he's not so sure about that. Bigfoot said he would not fuck the Grinch. He said it's too ugly.

  Howard said they asked Bigfoot if he would fuck the virgin Mary. Robin said she thinks he would not. Bigfoot said he probably would if she looks okay and she's a woman.

  Howard said Bigfoot is working and doing well at the group home. Robin said she's glad to hear that.

• More Calls And Ronnie Vs. Apples Again. 01/05/22. 8:55am
  Howard took a call from a guy who was playing something and Howard thought it was their show but it was a dispatch for a fire company or something. Howard tried to get the guy's attention. The guy, Shane, wasn't answering. Howard asked if he would fuck the Grinch or the Virgin Mary. He gave up on trying to get his attention. Howard said they should do the rest of the show trying to get Shane's attention. He wondered what he's doing. Robin said he might be some kind of dispatcher. Howard said this is the best call of 2022. He said he's kind of digging it. He asked what the fuck is going on after hearing some static. He said he's keeping an eye on Shane for WPLJ. There was more static after that. Howard said maybe he just went through the atmosphere for NASA. Robin said this might be reentry.

  Howard said Shane is fixing the SiriusXM satellites that send the show to you every day. Shane finally got on and said he's a first responder and he had to go on a call. He said he just got back. Howard said he thought he was in the Phantom Zone from Superman.

  Howard said he knows his statement will be worth waiting for. Shane said that they pretty much raised him from a young boy. He said he's been a fireman for 17 years. He said he has to thank him. Robin said they're proud of him.

  Shane said he was watching Private Parts the other day and he wondered what happened to the actors who played him in the movie. Howard said he is not in touch with them. He said he doesn't keep in touch. He said he keeps in touch with Mary McCormack who played his wife. He said they keep in touch with her and her husband. He said he keeps in touch with Ivan Reitman too. He said he has spoken to Betty too. He said that he was talking to Ivan about his son doing a Ghostbusters thing. He said they spoke about that. He said he has been in touch with Betty Thomas here and there. He said he thinks that's it. Robin said they have Paul Giamatti on the show from time to time. Howard said Paul called him a couple of years ago and he tried calling him back but he never heard back from him. He said he did try calling him back.

  Howard said Bobby Borello played a young Tony Soprano in an episode of the Sopranos. He said that he doesn't keep in touch with him though. He said he barely talks to Fred. Fred said that Bobby also played a young Andy Kaufman in a movie. He said he's not sure where he went after that.

  Howard said he did talk to Fred recently. He said he had emailed him about something very private. He said that he called him after that. He said he broke down and called him. Fred said it was very informative. Robin was laughing so Fred asked what she's laughing at. Robin said she's laughing at Howard saying he ''broke down'' and called him. Howard said they talked and it was great. Fred agreed. He said it was great. Howard said Fred wanted to know how to do a dirty Sanchez.

  Howard thanked Shane for the call and for being a first responder. He said that's very good.

  Howard took a call from a guy, Chris, who said that it's a shitty time with the Omicron wave going on. He said he gets home and listens to the show and it keeps him awake on his 30 minute drive home. He said that people look at him like he's crazy but he just wanted to say that the show keeps him motivated. Howard said he's a nurse up in Canada and they're working their asses off. Robin said that's what gets forgotten all the time. She said that so many people have COVID now. Howard said that everyone seems to have it. He said it's horrible.

  Howard said he has Apples on the phone but he's not sure if he should pick up. He said he wants to talk about Ronnie. Howard took the call and Apples said he saw that Stephanie got an Apple computer and he's wondering if Beth has one. Howard said she does actually. Apples said Stephanie showed her new computer and said she needs some help with it. He said the computers are awesome.

  Howard asked Ronnie if he has a problem with this. Ronnie got on and said that he has no reason to be mad at her over this. He said she was just trying to get some help. Ronnie said she already figured it out. He said she didn't need help. He said she's never had a Mac before. He said he doesn't even know. Howard said he's not mad at Apples then. Ronnie said he's such an asshole for asking if Beth has one. Ronnie said he has a computer for work that she likes so he bought her one. He said she has a bigger one than he has. Howard said Apples just wanted to help. Ronnie said he doesn't need him helping her with anything.

  Ronnie said Apples is still an asshole like he was last year. He said that you don't have to bring every stupid thing up. Howard said you don't have to call into the show and bring every fucking thing up.

  Apples asked if Ronnie has anyone who got COVID that he knows. Ronnie said no. Howard said he's shocked that Ronnie hasn't gotten it. Ronnie said he had six people at his house and everyone has tested negative. Howard said he went door to door asking people to come over. Ronnie said he's trying to be nice and get to know his neighbors. Ronnie said he's always been like that. He said he had friends over for New Year's eve.

  Howard said Ronnie didn't wear a mask when he was going around to his neighbors. He said he's not being careful. He said he doesn't want anything bad to happen to him. Ronnie said he doesn't either. Robin said you need an N95 mask to wear. Ronnie said they have them.

  Howard asked if people asked if Stephanie was his daughter at all when he moved there. Ronnie said not at all. Howard said he got that all the time before. Ronnie went off on Apples again and asked what his dating life is like. He said he wants to know what his life is like. He said he cleans out mobile homes or something. Apples said that Ronnie put out all of the Christmas decorations at his house. He asked where the dragon was. Ronnie said he's not funny. He said they put out some lights and some blow up things. He said there was no dragon. He said he put up some blow up things but not the dragon.

  Ronnie asked what Apples life is like. He said all he knows is how to laugh like a moron. He said he wants to know what he had on his lawn. Apples said he didn't decorate at all. Ronnie asked what he had on his lawn since he knows everything.

  Howard said he has to clear this up. He said he has the picture in front of him. He said Ronnie told the guys there wasn't room for the dragon on his lawn. He said that's why he didn't have it. Ronnie said the reason he couldn't put it up is because the spot he wanted to use it was used for construction. Robin said next year he'll have it up. Ronnie said it will be up next year. Howard said he had a few blow up things on his lawn. He said one of the things he can't tell. Ronnie said it's a car from the movie ''Cars.'' Howard said there you go.

  Apples was giggling so Ronnie said the guy is a moron. He said people know it too. He said they all know it.

  Howard asked about the Cars car and if he likes that. Ronnie said he likes the car. He said he's not into the movie.

  Howard said Ronnie got some weed and he was very proud of that. Ronnie said they got trashed and they weren't able to eat at that time of the day. He said they ate after the party. Howard asked if they smoked it that day. Ronnie said they didn't. He said they were just drinking.

  Apples asked if this drinking is becoming a problem. Howard said it's enough with Apples. He hung up on him.

  Howard said he has to move on. He said thanks to Ronnie for that. He said he heard he wasn't put into a break out room during the Christmas party. Ronnie said he was. He said he did say that he didn't want to be in one with Robin. Howard said they didn't do it then. Ronnie said they were fighting over her not calling him back. He said he was joking about all of that. Howard let Ronnie go after that.

  Howard said that Stephanie is now painting from what he hears. Robin said she gets together with her friends from what she heard.

  Howard said he only wishes that his 75 year old neighbors would put up blow up dolls on their property. He said it makes the price of the house go up. Ronnie said his neighbors had that stuff up at their houses too. He said he fit right in. He said the guy across the street had a Nutcracker thing on his lawn. He said it was 10 feet tall. Howard said isn't that fabulous. Ronnie said the wind took it down one day and it exploded. He said his wife had to go out and buy another one. He said a week later the same thing happened.

  Howard said Ronnie has a lawn decorated like he has young children. He asked if the neighbors have young kids. Ronnie said there are young kids around.

  Howard said his street looks like the magic kingdom. Ronnie said people did nice displays there. Howard said he tries to find communities with blow ups on their lawns. He said he always appreciates that.

  Ronnie said they had a nice holiday. Howard said that's good to hear. He said he's having the time of his life out there in Vegas.

  Howard said he wrote to his neighbors asking them to put up the tacky Christmas decorations. He said he saw a 50 foot wooden soldier out there. He said they have the room for a dragon but they didn't put one up.

  Howard said it looks like an illuminated junk yard out there at Ronnie's house. He said he's pretty sure Ronnie is Jewish. He said who knows.

  Howard said he's going to take a break and tell you about the greatest phony phone call of the year. He did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Sampled Music. 01/05/22. 9:30am
  After the break they played a phony phone call Richard and the guys made to a Swap Shop show, an interview with JD on his take with Kim Kardashian and Sly & the Family Stone ''Sing a Simple Song.''

  Howard came back and sang along with the song a bit. He talked about the song and how many times it's been sampled in other songs. He said another sample track is a James Brown song. He said it's the 15th anniversary if his death. He said that so many people have sampled his songs. He said he's been sampled over 74 times. Howard played some of his songs that have been sampled.

  Howard said he has said it many times that where he grew up James Brown was the Beatles. He said everything was James Brown there. He said that it was so weird in his neighborhood. He said there were crazy stories about him transitioning to be a woman and things like that. He said it was all about James Brown. He said you didn't talk about the Beatles or the Stones there. He said the most sampled song of James' is ''Funky Drummer.'' He said the song is like 5 minutes long and he tells the band to shut the fuck up and let the drummer play. He said other bands would try to do that but only he could pull it off.

  Howard said a lot of bands sampled that song. He said it was easy to rap over. He said he tried rapping over it. He played some Public Enemy and Ed Sheeran who have used that drum beat in their songs. Howard said Kenny G even used it in a song. He played that. Howard said he loves the song ''Piggy'' by Nine Inch Nails and they used the drum beat in that song. Howard played some of that. He said that's Clyde Stubblefield playing drums.

  Howard said the Cartoon Network used it for the Power Puff Girls. He played a clip. He said he doesn't think that drummer was paid a dime for it. Robin said he was wondering what happened to that guy. Howard said he was paid for his session and he never got royalties. He said he made so little money that he got cancer and Prince gave him $80,000 for his medical bills.

  Howard said in honor of James and Clyde he wants to play a song that the guys put together using Gary's phlegm and that song. Howard played the song that was about 10 seconds long.

  Howard said Gary got to play trumpet for James Brown when he was in there. He said he used to have him in a lot. He said he was in with Al Sharpton. He said when Al got stabbed on the street one time he and Robin went to visit him in the hospital. He said he's not sure who was more shocked, him or them. He said there were a lot of hard core people there. Robin said she's not sure Al knew what to do. Howard said Al was not doing well and they were very awkward. Howard said they felt bad for him and thought they should go visit. Howard said it was very awkward and it didn't feel very welcoming there. He said they lasted a question or two and they left. Robin said that was bizarre.

  Howard's feed froze so Robin was left on her own. Gary got on with her and then Howard was back.

  Howard said he was about to hit Gary playing trumpet. Howard said Robin froze mid laugh. He said it wasn't flattering. Robin said Howard froze in a natural way so she couldn't tell.

  Howard said his computer crashed so it's all gone. He said he was about to play this thing where Gary ruined a James Brown song with his trumpet. Robin said James was a stickler about his band being perfect. She said he could hear anything being off and he would fine you. Robin said that's all she could think of when Gary was playing for him.

  Howard said they didn't tell James that Gary can't really play. He said James was very diplomatic on the air. He said out in the hall he gave Gary some advice. Gary said he put his arm around him and gave him some advice. He said he told him to play on the down beat instead of the up beat. He said it was very sweet whatever it was. Howard played the clip where Gary was playing with James and his band.

  Howard said he thought James was going to fire him from the band he didn't actually play with. He said rest in peace James Brown. He said they had some good times with that guy.

• Best Phony Phone Call Of 2021. 01/05/22. 9:50am
  Howard said he was supposed to be playing the greatest phony phone call of 2021. He said that they put up a poll and let the listeners vote on them. He said first up was Benjy trapped on a toilet vs. Karens gone wild. He said that he'll play a little bit of each one as he goes through them. Howard said that when he's in a phony phone call he never wins. He said he played Benjy in this one. He played parts of the two calls. He said the Karens call beat him as Benjy. He said that call was a great one too. He said the guy was arguing with a tape.

  Howard said next up they have Rocky in Space vs. Bachelor producer revelations. Howard said this is Rocky Pendergast calling into the Kathi show. He said Rocky had a party on the international space station. He played some of that call and then played the call the guys made with clips of him as a Bachelor producer making some revelations. Howard said the call that won that round was Rocky in Space.

  Howard said next up they have Underdog vs. Beetlejuice. He said they called an anti-vax radio show with clips of Underdog Lady. He played some of that call and said they also made a call with clips of Beetlejuice. They called into a cooking show with those clips. He played some of that call and said the Beetlejuice call won that round.

  Howard said in the final match up they had Buddy and Mildred Road Head vs Gary Audio Book. He played some of the Buddy and Mildred call and then played a clip of Gary Audio Book. That's where Gary called a ski resort. They had Gary talking to the woman about his family vacations. Howard said he loves that audio book. He said they should reprint that book forever. He said the call that won that round was Gary calls the ski resort.

  Howard said then there were the semifinals. He quickly went through them and it was between Gary calls Ski Resort vs. ''Beet le Juice.'' Howard said the winner with 52 percent of the vote was the Beetlejuice call. He played the whole call.

  Howard said he has read about this and how professional kitchens can be high pressure. He said he's okay with that call winning. He said he didn't win but he can take it. Robin said he got knocked out in the first round. Howard said Gary does well every year. He said he came second this time. Howard said Beetlejuice isn't there to accept his award today.

• Evolved Howard And Bang O'Clock. 01/05/22. 10:10am
  Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has been listening to the show for 30 years. She said she thinks they should have more Beth. She said she has seen the evolution of Howard and she thinks that he picks on Gary too much sometimes. She said that it's nice to see how much he respects women. She said that he seems to have grown and he should have Beth on the show more often. Howard said he agrees. He said he likes when she comes on the show. He said she doesn't think the fans want to hear her. Howard said they do enjoy it though. He said he has to convince her.

  The caller, Diane, said that she loves the show no mater what. She said he has evolved though. Howard said she has to spread the word. He said he has evolved. He said he went from being an amoeba to half ape half man and then half fish. He said now he's a sophisticated man who cleans his ass with a Toto toilet. He thanked her for the call.

  Howard said now he's the elder statesman of radio. Robin said she was telling someone about how she got this iPad installed just in case they have someone to look at naked. She said they haven't had to use it. Howard said that 2022 is the year of getting someone naked. He said they'll do that this year. Robin said they have that iPad there just for that.

  Howard said he saw Beth naked last night. He said it's not easy to see that. He said he'll ask to see her titties and she says no. He said it's kind of exciting in a way. He said if she did it then it wouldn't be so exciting.

  Howard said he was all charged up yesterday. He said he's been a good husband lately so he must have made up. He said he did the dishes last night. He said she sat on her phone for a while and he did the dishes. He said they were sitting there and he said he can't just sit there and not want to fuck her. He said she asked why he has to say it that way. Howard said he just wants to bang her. He said that she was more okay with that than saying he wants to fuck.

  Howard said he thinks he's being romantic and she gets grossed out. He said he gets charged up and tells her he wants to fuck. He said that she sprays him with mace when he does that. He said he just wants to stick his tongue up her ass and that doesn't turn her on.

  Howard said he had Beth wrapped up in a position where she told him he was ''too large'' to do it. He said that was shocking to him. He said why stop if he's too big. He said he had to ask her to repeat that. He said no one is going to believe that. He said he was over filling her. He said he really loves that woman.

  Howard said he thinks Beth liked it. He said according to her she liked it. He said she gave him a 5 star review. He said he's like a teenager.

  Howard said he must be in good health. He said about an hour later he was watching TV and he got a hard on. He said he was ready to go an hour later. He said he was going to show Beth but he figured that wasn't right so he kept that quiet.

  Robin said he doesn't have to say anything. Howard said he likes to talk. Howard said Beth will shush him sometimes. He said that people pay him to talk though. He said he did well evidently. He said he was a little too large last night though.

  Howard said he should get her down there to tell people how large he was. He said her only complaint is that he was too large. He said he was like Pete Davidson. Robin said he had better not come out of that basement. She said the women will flock.

• Today's Rant, Fan Feedback And More. 01/05/22. 10:20am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said his brother is a doctor and he got a call from him in the middle of the night and he got COVID and he's in the hospital in the cardiac center. He said he's triple vaxxed and they can't get COVID out of his system. He said he's so sick of all of this misinformation going on out there.

  The caller said that his brother got COVID from a patient who refused to wear a mask during pregnancy. He said he's so sick of this shit. Howard asked if he heard that Beth thought he was too large. The caller said he believes it.

  Howard said this caller, Jeff, has hit it on the head. He said just because you're triple vaxxed doesn't mean you won't get it. He said you just don't know. He said for this doctor to put up with someone who won't wear a mask is ridiculous. He said you do it for other people. He said people are saying the vaccine is to blame but it's all politically based nonsense. He said this country is all fucked up. He said let the idiots win and let Trump win and give them what they want to see how fucked up their lives will be.

  Howard went on a rant for a few minutes about the anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers.

  Howard thanked Jeff for the call. He let him go and read some fan feedback about Andy Cohen's call into the show yesterday.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Steve Perry discussion yesterday and he feels like he was off about him. Howard said he's an asshole. The caller said that he's worth like $60 million and Neil Schon is worth like 40. He said that Steve gets paid because he wrote most of those songs. Howard said this must be Steve calling into the show. He said he won't put up with it. He told him to go back into his hole. The caller said that he blamed Bowie's liver cancer on cigarettes but it's drinking that causes it. Howard said he's wrong. He said it's cigarette smoking. Howard told him to go put his lifts in and get off his phone. He said that has to be Steve Perry.

  Howard said he's sure Steve Perry can make a living but he doesn't like the guy. He said he likes Arnel better. He said he sings Journey better than Steve Perry.

  Howard read some fan feedback about his journaling talk. He had a few comments about that discussion.

  Howard said Benjy got a lot of shit thrown at him. He read some comments they got about the talk they had yesterday about how he wants to be a stand up but he can't bring himself to do it.

  Howard said this is upsetting. He said that he has to end the show on this. He said he commented on Oprah and the Weight Watchers thing. He said he complained about her on Tuesday's show. He said one of the staffers went out on the street and asked people who they would rather get diet advice from, Howard Stern or Oprah. Howard said listen to this bullshit. He played the clip and people were saying they'd take advice from Oprah. Everyone said Oprah. Howard said she's not following a diet. Robin said he's talking common sense and there is none of that.

  Howard said the whole world has done nuts. Robin said this is what's happening in this world right now. Howard said that's why he said they should just make Trump the emperor already. He said we're in the Twilight Zone.

  Howard took a call from frequent caller Pocket who asked if Beth wants to see what it would be like talking to him to see what it's like to get her out of doing that call thing every year. Howard said he gets it.

  Howard said he knows we're in a backwards world because Beth complained that he was too big. He said he's a fan of the new Sex and the City show (And Just Like That). He said he doesn't understand the stock market but here's how crazy it gets. He said in the show Mr. Big drops dead at the start of the show while riding a Peloton bike. He said the next thing you know Peloton's stock went way down. He said it was because a character on a fake show died on one. He asked what that has to do with reality. He said the whole value of the company is worthless now. He said it doesn't make sense. He said then Peloton freaked out and made a commercial with the guy who plays Mr. Big and then he's involved in some sexual harassment thing so they had to drop that. Howard said this is all for morons. Howard said Chris Noth is on that show and on The Equalizer. He said he'd help Queen Latifah lift her leg when she had to kick someone.

  Howard said he was shocked when he saw that stock drop. He said it's ridiculous. He said it shows what morons are out there.

  Robin said Ryan Reynolds is a genius. She said he's the one who got that commercial out there for Peloton.

  Howard said there was a story in the paper about a cop who got a lap dance at a Christmas party. He said it was in the NY Post. He said they went to his house and started photographing the guy's wife. He said that's not cool. Robin said they don't care about ruining people's lives. Howard said they have some genius there at the Post who comes up with the headlines. He said that one was ''In the Line of Booty.'' He said that's genius. He said he wants that guy to work there.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said there are two sides of the coin with Las Vegas. He said he was there until 2020. He said they think it's hot out there but it's all relative. He said it's funny to hear them bust Ronnie's balls. He said he had to get out of there. He said Vegas is a shithole to live in. He said his daughter lives out there and he told her to get out of there. He said to live there it's a shithole. He said he lived in his house for 17 years and he never saw his neighbors. He said he's not sure what Ronnie sees there. Howard asked if he heard him talk about how wife thinks his penis is too big. The guy said he thinks he did.

  Howard said Ronnie went there to die. He said he's up there in age. He said you migrate somewhere when you get older. He said that it's too hot for him but not for Ronnie. He said if you work there it makes sense to live there. He said Ronnie met a bunch of people who are based out there. He said they have taken him into their circle. Ronnie said ''Oh my god.'' Howard said he'll get to talk in a minute. Ronnie was telling Howard he's wrong about this stuff. He said he doesn't know what he's taking about.

  Ronnie said this caller keeps saying that it's a shithole. He said explain why that is. The caller, Jay, said there's no community there. Ronnie asked why he lived there for 40 fucking years then. Jay said he got laid off and wasn't able to find another job. He said there are people there making minimum wage and they can't pay their bills. He said no one in Vegas is doing what Ronnie says he was doing with his neighbors. Ronnie said he was. He said this moron lived there 40 fucking years.

  Howard said what about the water supply drying up out there. Jay said that it is drying up. He said it's a dying city and it'll probably die before Ronnie.

  Howard said Ronnie is more passionate about Vegas than he is about pussy. Ronnie said he's just enjoying living there. He and Jay went back and forth for a short time arguing about Vegas.

  Howard said Jay can't answer because Ronnie keeps asking questions. Ronnie kept going on and on talking over everyone. Howard finally got Ronnie to quiet down and let Jay go on and on about what a shithole Vegas really is. Ronnie told him to go bury himself in the snow in Colorado. Howard said he should work for the Vegas tourism board.

  Howard asked Jay for some reasons why Vegas is a shithole. He said there's no community and there's nothing there other than the casino community. He said he's making more money in Colorado than he ever did in Vegas. Jay was rambling on and on and Ronnie was arguing with him about all of this nonsense.

  Howard hung up on Jay and told Ronnie he has to calm down because he's beet red now. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit what anyone says. He said he's enjoying it out there. Robin said that they believe him. Ronnie said they do not.

  Howard answered a knock at the door. It was fake Dan Rather who reported that the Las Vegas airport is full of people trying to get out of there because they find it unlivable and grotesque. Howard let fake Dan do his thing for a couple of minutes.

  Howard said he doesn't put Ronnie down for going to Vegas. He said he's enjoying it. He said he's happy for him. He said he misses him and his great attitude. Ronnie said they got rid of him.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said Vegas really is a shithole. He said the biggest thing is that it's toxic out there. He said the rates of cancer are very high and they are running out of water out there too. He said it's an unhealthy place to live. He said even the outskirts aren't good. Howard said this guy now lives in Chernobyl and likes it better.

  Howard took a call from a woman who lives out there in Vegas and she was agreeing with Ronnie. She said it's a beautiful place to live. Howard said there you go. He said maybe Ronnie can show her his inflatable dragon and be friends with her. He said he's not anti-Vegas at all.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who said that guy who called in about Vegas sounds like he'd be miserable no matter where he lives. Howard said he has lived all over the country and it's all the same. He said you pick a place based on the weather and there you go. He said that's it. Ralph said there are shitheads everywhere.

  Howard asked what the best part of Vegas is. Ronnie said it's a nice place to live. He said the weather is nice. He said he has only been to the strip like twice the whole time he's been there. Howard wished Ronnie luck out there and let Ralph go.

  Howard said they will talk about John Madden dying on the next show. He said JD's whole life is playing that Madden game so they have to talk about that. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.

• Thursday Replay Show: Monday Encore. 01/06/22. 7:00am
  This morning's replay show was an encore of Monday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played this morning:
  • Back Live - Howard's Heat Problem, Oprah And More. 01/03/22. 7:00am
  • Howard Wanted To Fire Gary Over A Gift. 01/03/22. 7:15am
  • Chris Wilding's Gift For Howard. 01/03/22. 7:45am
  • Celebrity Net Worth, Andy Cohen's Rants And More. 01/03/22. 8:10am
  • Howard Takes Some Calls. 01/03/22. 8:15am
  • RIP Betty White. 01/03/22. 8:40am
  • TV Show Talk. 01/03/22. 9:05am
  • Oprah Audiobook Bit. 01/03/22. 9:20am
  • Beth Gets Mad At Howard On New Year's Eve. 01/03/22. 9:50am

• Friday Replay: Tuesday Encore. 01/07/22. 7:00am
  This morning's replay was an encore of Tuesday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played this morning:
  • Journaling About Doody. 01/04/22. 7:00am
  • Oprah's Money Grabs. 01/04/22. 7:45am
  • Journaling Is A Waste Of Time. 01/04/22. 8:00am
  • Thinking About Benjy. 01/04/22. 8:05am
  • Howard Confused By FOX News And Andy Cohen. 01/04/22. 8:45am
  • Andy Cohen Calls In. 01/04/22. 9:00am
  • Betty White Update, Christmas Party And Chris Wilding. 01/04/22. 9:50am
  • Yesterday's Show Censored By Howard. 01/04/22. 10:15am