Howard said he's trying to balance out the sound. Robin said it is a little off today. Howard said he can't control the music and her mix. He said enough about his problems. He said how about Regis. He said it feels weird. He said he got many calls from the media after it was announced Regis had died. He said he was kind of surprised because he just lived in the same building. He said that he became to be associated with Regis somehow. He said it's just because they lived in the same building.
Howard said he hasn't been in Manhattan since COVID. He said he would run into Regis there from time to time. He said it was almost every day. He said he loved Regis. He said he got really sad talking about Regis with his kids. He said he didn't have a deep relationship. He said a world with Regis made the world seem better. He said he was an upbeat kind of guy and the previous generation was great and he felt good with that guy around.
Howard said Regis was in the Navy and he was into television. He said he got started late in life like Rodney Dangerfield. He said he started at NBC and worked his way up from a page to working with Joey Bishop. He said he wasn't super successful early on but he had local television shows in California. He said then he came to New York and started his show there. He said he used to go on that show. He said Regis was already in his late 50s. Robin said she didn't realize that. Howard said Regis and Kathie Lee went national when he was in his 60s. He said he died with like $150 million in the bank but he doesn't think he made that kind of money until he was in his later years.
Howard said he knows guys who don't hit it until they're 50 or 60 and they feel bitter. He said Rodney Dangerfield was like that. Robin said Regis was not bitter. Howard said she's actually right about that. He said it's kind of weird to have it happen so late in life. He said he had to walk away from his morning show because he was so old. Howard said he'll be bitter for Regis.
Howard said he used to go on the morning show with Regis. He said he was on a show before Regis and then he heard that Regis was coming in. He said he was such a maniac that he had Fred come on as his wife and Al Rosenberg came in as his baby. He said they were so crazy they never had them back on. Robin said the ban may still be in effect.
Howard said he and Regis didn't know each other very well. He said he goofed on Kathie Lee for years. He said Regis was funny and light doing his show. He said that was his lane. He said he was quite good at it.
Howard said he moved into Manhattan and no one wanted him in their buildings. He said he was told not to get a co-op apartment because he'd have to go in front of a co-op board. He said he's really quiet and in bed by 6 so he's not the guy they think he is. He said he pays his bills and pays attention to what's going on in the building. He said even his mother told him not to go where he wasn't wanted.
Howard said his agent went with him to this apartment he found on the east side. He said he told him he had to find a place. He said this place was a condo. He said they have to let anyone in there. He said if you have the money they let you in. He said he got a call from the real estate agent saying they weren't going to let him in. He said he was shocked. He said it turns out the guy who built this place said if anyone he doesn't like wants to buy the apartment then he can bid one dollar higher than that person. He said he was shocked. He said he was beside himself.
Howard said he talked to his mom about this. He got on his megaphone and did his impression of his mother talking to him about this. He and his mom talked about how he didn't want to live there. Howard argued that he wanted to fight it and move into that place. He said his mother told him not to bother with the aggravation.
Howard said he was newly single and he figured he would bring girls there and he didn't want anyone throwing things at him when he went in.
Howard said he eventually found this other building and there were celebrities living there. He sad one of them was Regis and his wife Joy. He said that he hoped Regis liked him. He said you never know when you're him. He said he ran into Regis and he said to him that it was him and he gave him a warm welcome and handshake. He said Regis told him he was terrific on Letterman. He said whenever he saw Regis in the hall or in the elevator he was always so up. He did his impression of Regis talking to him about being a host on America's Got Talent and things like that. He said he was always like that.
Howard said when he'd go out Regis would be in the lobby talking to people and holding court. He said he'd get off the elevator and he'd hear him talking. He said it was always fun seeing Regis. He said he would stop whatever he was doing. He said if people wanted pictures with people he'd stand outside and take them. He said he was never in a bad mood.
Howard said there's a gym next to his building and he was out in his short shorts and a tank top and telling him to look at him and showing him what kind of shape he was in. He said he would walk in miserable and see Regis there and try to get past him quickly. He said Regis would tell him to come over there and he was always so upbeat.
Howard said he was feeling kind of out of it once and Regis saw him. He said he told him that he heard he was doing work on his apartment. Howard said Regis seemed to know your business in that building. He said he was like the mayor over there. Howard said Regis asked what he was doing in there. He said Regis had just renovated his apartment and asked him to come see what he did to his. Howard said he was shocked he invited him in. He said no one had ever done that. He said the only one was Jon Bon Jovi. He said he and Jon had run into each other and he asked him up. He said Regis asked him to come over. He said Joy must have done it because it was very feminine.
Howard said he was going the opposite way and building a sex palace. He said he had a hot tub in there. He said it was like one big hot tub. He said he had a big bed and a hot tub. He said he was expecting more action than he received.
Howard said he always lived where he wasn't wanted. He said Regis was the one guy who wanted him. He said he got the tour of his apartment and it was very nice. He said Regis treated him very well over there. He said he saw him so many times and he should have asked for advice and to ask him things about his career. He said he was open to having something more with him. He said they had this lobby and elevator relationship. He said Regis taught him a lot about having a quick talk with someone. He said he'd start talking like him when he'd run into him.
Howard said he and Regis had some good laughs together and he was a nice man. He said he heard the news yesterday that he had died and he composed an email to his wife. He said that he was about to turn 89 and he figured he would live until 104. Robin said she thought he should have been older. Howard said you would have thought he'd die in his 90s. He said the last time he saw him he looked a little bit like he'd lost his step. He said he wasn't as outgoing. He said he saw him in the lobby a few times and he was kind of down.
Howard said he seemed a little old to him. He said it made him feel good seeing him. Robin said Joy is still there. She said they loved their life. Howard said they had a good marriage too. He said from what he can tell they had a great relationship.
Howard said he was a great neighbor. He said he never got to ask him what he thought of the Halloween decorations there in the building. Howard said one of Robin's cats is there. Robin said that's Shaka. She said the door won't close. Howard said that makes her more human.
Howard said he can do a bit of an obituary for Regis. Howard said he was known for his morning show and Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He said that show was good but ABC really milked the shit out of it. Robin said they really did.
Howard said Robin was on celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He said they had Robin bring a lifeline with her and it was Bigfoot Matt McGrory. He said was the original Bigfoot on the show. He was like 7 and a half feet tall. He did an impression of his really deep voice.
Howard said Robin was on this show and it was huge at the time. He said they say 30 million people used to watch that. He said now you can't get that many people to watch TV. He said the show was huge and he thinks Regis had a lot to do with that. He said he was good at hosting Millionaire. He said when Robin went on she had Bigfoot Matt go with her and it was like seeing Herman Munster. He said it was startling. He said Matt is dead now so he can say this. He said it was startling when you saw him.
Howard said they cut to Matt in the audience with Robin and there's this 7 foot guy there. He did an impression of Matt talking again. He said he has a clip to play too. Howard played a clip of Robin on the show where she introduced Matt and said he has a 29 and a half inch foot.
Howard said Matt was in the movie Big Fish and that was his big claim to fame. Howard said that appearance was great with Robin on Millionaire.
Howard had a clip of Regis talking about him living in his building when he was on with Kelly Ripa. Howard played the clip and Regis talked about being in the elevator with Howard and inviting him up to his apartment. He said Howard reminded him that Joy's bathroom was much bigger than his and that he had gotten screwed.
Howard said in his story he remembers Regis asking him up to see his apartment. He said in that clip he said he asked to see it. Howard said he's not one to ask to see someone's apartment. He said he won't quibble over that. He said the man just died.
Howard said they say that Regis died of a heart attack. He said he told Beth he bets it was COVID. He said he and Beth both think that anyone who dies died of COVID-19. He said he wants people to say that it is COVID so they know that's what's going on. He said it seems like people are ashamed to say that they have it. Robin said she read a story about a woman who got her husband's death certificate and it said he had COVID-19 and she doesn't like that. Howard said he had a whole discussion with Beth about it. He said they figured that's what happened and if it wasn't then it was related to COVID. He said he thinks he should have lived another 10-15 years. He said he should have lived the longest of any human being.
Robin said here are some younger people who have died and they don't say it's COVID but she thinks it is.
Howard said when Regis was fired he went on Letterman and told him why he thought Regis was being fired. He said he was out of his mind. He said he went on and told Dave that Regis got fired. He said it was about money. He said Regis went on the show the next day and talked about that Letterman appearance. He was denying that he ever talked to Howard about money. He said Howard has so much to say about everyone.
Howard said Regis was some life force. He said he saw him off camera mostly and he had that energy all day long. He said he was the same off camera as he was on.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon does a great Regis impression. He had a clip from the Conan O'Brien show where he did a Regis impression and gave Baba Booey a shout out. Howard played that clip of Jimmy doing that impression.
Howard said Regis was Letterman's most frequent guest. He said he was on his show 137 times. He said Dave tweeted out that he was his favorite guest and that kind of upset him. Robin said Dave will probably say the same about Howard when he dies.
Howard said the rumor was out there that Regis and Kelly didn't get along. He said he went on Letterman and talked about that rumor. Howard played a clip of Regis talking about how Kelly couldn't be happier that he's gone. Regis said last time she was on Dave's show he was supposed to drive her away. He said he was outside getting soaked in the rain. He said Dave wanted him to sit out in the rain getting soaked like a farm animal.
Howard said that's a good appearance. He said Letterman was right. He said Regis is real good as a guest.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel tweeted out that he hopes there's a heaven and Don Rickles is there waiting for Regis. He said Don and Regis used to go on tour together. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said they were on Letterman together once. He said they talked about what it was like working together and what backstage was like. Howard played the clip where Don and Regis talked about working together.
Howard said there was something great about that guy. Robin said yeah. Howard said Regis was a singer too. He said he shouldn't bring that up. Robin said he really wasn't. Howard played some of him singing and said he hopes he rests in peace. He said he thanks him for welcoming him into the building and being a nice guy. He said his condolences to his wife Joy too. He said they were very nice.
Howard said Regis sang ''Baby It's Cold Outside'' and he thinks that's not appropriate to sing anymore. He played the song. He said the poor woman can't get out the door in that song.
Howard said rest in peace Regis. He said he was very sad to see that he had passed. He said he had a lot of nice conversations with him. He said it was in front of a lot of door men and other people walking in.
Howard said Regis actually got Letterman to go to dinner with him. He said that wasn't an easy thing to do. He said he always thought that Dave was goofing on Regis. He said he thought Dave had him fill in for him because he didn't want someone taking his job. He said he must have liked him though. He said of course he did because he had him fill in for him.
Howard said Regis has the Guinness record for spending the most time in front of a camera.
Howard said they don't let their cats in the basement. He said their house is falling apart. He said they won't let anyone in to fix anything. He said the shade in his office is broken. He said they'll fix major things but not the shade. Robin said she heard an animal in her fireplace. She said the cats were looking at it. She said she had to have Captain Dennis come look at it from the outside. She said he came over and saw that the screen on the chimney was intact. She said it seems like whatever it was could come and go. She said this thing would come and go and then it just disappeared. She said she imagines it was able to get out.
Howard said he heard that all of the rats in Memet's apartment went to her house for vacation. Howard asked if she talks to her cats in a different voice. Robin said of course. She said she talks in baby talk.
Howard said he's so not a man. He said the guys were all talking to him about how baseball has started up again. He said he was asking how long the games last. He said they're like 3 hours. He said he can't invest 3 hours in watching TV like that. He said he will watch Kissing Booth 2 though. He said he's very feminine in his tastes in TV. He said he does love those John Wick type movies though. He said he likes revenge movies.
Howard said he enjoys watching MMA fighting too. He said he likes to see men beat up other men. He said he'd love to have that ability. He said if he could start his life over again he'd take Kung Fu from a very early age. He said he did take karate as a kid but his toe nails were too long and the instructor told him he had to cut them. He said he went to the class and freaked out that the kids were all great athletes. He said the instructor had him flip him and he just jumped over his back. He said he never did sign up for lessons. He said those Koreans were great at karate. He said Chuck Norris was right about that. He said they are vicious. He said that's what Chuck told him. He said Chuck did hand to hand combat over there in Korea. He said he would love to be able to beat someone up like that.
Howard said he could have learned guitar and taken karate. He said that's what he should have done as a kid. He said he should have had weapons training too. He said he could have been John Wick. He said he would have done it too. He said he would have done it well.
Howard said he sees Joe Rogan and he's all jacked up. He said he now beats the shit out of people MMA style. Robin said she likes boxing. Howard said he watches that guy Connor McGregor. He said that guy fucks you up. He said he wants to do that. Robin said he retired. Howard said that guy is scary. He said he has the worst tattoos and wears tight bathing suits and beats you.
Howard said if he had taken Karate class he could have been good at it. He said his neighbor beat him up all the time so that's why he went. Robin said he didn't stay and learn to fight. Howard said he was so embarrassed by the whole thing. He said the instructor told him how dangerous his toe nails were. He said they were dangerous weapons. He said they were the size of Jai alai mitts. He said he was told he had to wash is feet too because they were dirty. He never went back because he was embarrassed.
Howard said Joe Rogan has been training for like 25 years in Gracie Jiu Jitsu. He said that you can't even use that in real life because you'll be thrown in jail if you beat someone up.
Howard said all of his daughters took karate. He said he asked the instructor if they can really fight. He said the instructor told him that they would get their asses beat. He said they were too peaceful. He said his daughter Debra was powerful. He said Emily had a lot of grace. He said his daughter Ashley wasn't into it. He said he's not sure they could beat anyone up. He said he knew a guy who went out and wanted to try it out but he got his ass kicked. He said that didn't work out for him.
Howard said he knew a teacher in Washington DC who would go out as a publicity stunt and go out at like 2 in the morning and walk around trying to get mugged. He said one year he went out and got his ass kicked. He said they were working down there in Washington when that happened. Robin said she remembers that.
Howard said he was burnt out just talking about the headset. He said they're 10 minutes in and they're finally getting into it. He said it's like doing the radio show from home. He said it takes a while to get going.
Howard said his father sits around and nothing bothers him. He said that his mother will get upset if he doesn't ask her how she's doing. He said she'll say ''Listen...'' and he knows he's in for it.
Howard did his impression of Ray talking to him about the problem she had the other day. Ray was telling him she had terrible pain in her tooth. She said she didn't know what to do and she was trying to live with it because of this virus. She was asking when this is going to be over. Howard said Dr. Agus told him they might have a vaccine by September. He said she was asking if he'd take that. Howard said he might after it's tested. He said he told her to just hang in there. He said she told him that she got help. He said she asked who helped her and he said it must be Dr. Shlofmitz. He said this guy is his hero. He said if he wanted him to blow him right now he would. He said his mom called Dr. Shlofmitz and he helped her with her tooth pain. He said she did it on her own and he was very proud of her. He said his mom talked about how he got her hooked up with a root canal expert. He said Dr. Shlofmitz got her an Uber and they took her to this dentist. Howard said she put on a mask and got in the car with the Uber driver. She said they were able to stop the pain and she's not sure how to thank him.
Howard asked if she paid for the Uber guy. She didn't know how. He said she said Dr. Shlofmitz won't let her pay. Howard said you can offer to pay. She said he won't let her and now he has to thank Shlofmitz himself. He said he loves this guy. He said this guy saved his life. He said he's a renown heart surgeon and he's helping his mother on a Saturday.
Howard said his mother told him the Uber driver was even saying that Dr. Shlofmitz is the nicest man. She agreed of course.
Howard said he really is the nicest man. He said he's never met anyone nicer. He said he can't have anything happen to this guy. Robin asked how anything would happen to him. Howard said he's filled with worry every fucking minute. He said they talk about Robin every time. He did his impression of Ray talking to him about Robin and her cancer.
Howard said he made the mistake of telling his mom that Regis died. He said that she knew that he lived in his building but he told her that and she acted surprised. Robin said he should be doing the eulogy. Howard said Letterman should be doing that.
Howard said he was thinking he should go to the funeral and throw himself on his casket. He said you can't do funny things like that anymore.
Howard said thank god for Dr. Shlofmitz. He said he would have called his dentist to help her out but he thinks that guy needs a break too. He had his mother talking about how she had to take her mask off to get worked on but she didn't have much of a choice. Howard said he's trying not to go to a doctor.
Howard asked if he watched baseball this weekend. JD said he did. He said he saw the Reds win one and lose another game. Howard asked if the team Reds is a racial thing. JD said it has to do with their socks or something. Gary reminded Howard that Sal once thought that the Cleveland Browns was a racist thing because he thought it was skin color and not the name of the guy whose team it was named after.
Howard said he heard that JD was getting emotional about missing Jon Hein. JD said he was. He said he misses the guy.
Howard said JD got a life when he started on the show. He said the guys were nice to him because they were forced to. He said he knows that hey rib each other but it's just joking around. He said that JD misses Jon Hein and Ronnie. Robin said he can still talk to them. JD said he can. He said he didn't want to start anything by naming a third person. He said he didn't want to start any drama. Howard told him to give him a third person. JD said he can't. Howard said he's really the it guy now. JD said he will stick to just Ronnie and Jon. He said he doesn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. Howard said give him a third person. JD thought about it and said that Will, Richard and Sal are up there. JD said he loves Will but he's like the big brother type. Will got on and said he had better pick him, jerk. JD said he likes Richard more than Sal. He said he's closer to Richard than Sal. He said they have hung out a lot off air. He said he loves Sal though. He said he didn't say that he likes Richard better. Howard said he just picked Richard over Sal.
Howard asked if he likes Ronnie or Jon better. JD said he wont go there. He said he likes them equally. Howard said JD said Jon makes him laugh and he misses him the most. JD said he has had the outs with Ronnie at times. Robin said he canceled his show. JD said they don't have to go back there.
Howard asked JD about Jason. JD said he loves him like a brother but he's just looking to expose or whatever, you know...
Howard asked JD Puppet to give him a list of names. Fred did his JD thing and had hi saying he misses Nick Ruckert and the Shusher. Howard said JD hasn't cut his nails in a long time because he fears hurting himself. JD said he did cut them the other day. He said he's afraid of getting too close. Robin asked why it hurts. Howard said JD wasn't able to work a lighter out in L.A. and he can't work the nail clipper either. JD said he does a good enough job but he can't get it smooth. He said he has a snag on them. Robin said how about using a nail file. JD said he has done that. Howard said JD has no motor skills. Robin said they have hit on to something again. She said he never learned grooming. Howard said right. Robin said he can't handle the tools that come with it because he didn't do it as a child. JD said he did it but didn't spend all day learning to do it. Robin said you get the hang of it pretty quickly.
Howard said JD has some thoughts on what happens to your brain when you die. JD said you don't know what happens when you die so you might be awake when you die. He said you don't know that you're actually dead. He said there's a possibility that your brain is still working when your body is dead. He said you might be conscious in your head but you can't move. Howard said that makes no sense. JD said you can only research it so far.
Howard said JD thinks that you won't be alive but your brain might be alive. JD said that's why he gets that sleep problem he has. He wasn't able to remember what it's called. Howard said talking to JD is like doing Mad Libs. He said they have to fill in the blanks.
JD said that it's sleep paralysis. He said that's where you wake up but you can't move. He said you're awake but you have to will yourself to move. Howard said he realized he's as entertaining as Regis but for the opposite reason. He said he has no gift of gab but he loves both of them equally. He said he can go either way. Howard did his impression of JD and said that must be why he likes Regis so much. He said he aspires to be him. JD said that's right. He said he was able to do it all.
Robin asked if your brain is still alive, how long does that go on. JD said they will never know because you can't research it. He said that's what he was saying.
Howard said he heard JD was saying that he and Robin would not go to his funeral if he had a Zoom funeral. Howard said that's wrong. He said he would go if there as a Zoom funeral. He said he may not pay attention the whole time but he'd be there. JD said he knows. He said he knows Howard doesn't want to think about that too much. Robin said she loves funerals. JD said he's not sure what's wrong with her.
Howard let JD puppet say a few words before wrapping up. Howard said JD was talking about what he would say about Jon Hein at his funeral. Howard had him talk about that. JD said he would talk about what a good man he was and how he made him laugh. Howard said he would talk about his favorite Monty Python sketch which was the argument clinic. JD said that's right because that's how they ''conversate'' every day. He said they argue all the time.
Howard asked if he would give Jon Hein a kidney if he needed one. JD said sure if he was able to. He said he's not sure Jon would want his but he'd give it to him if he needed it.
Howard said he keeps JD there as a host so he can harvest his organs. He said he has to take a break so he can pee. He did his impression of JD for a minute. He had JD talking about how he'd ''conversate'' about Monty Python with Jon Hein.
Jon Hein got on and said this took a morbid turn. JD said with some people that can happen very quickly. Howard stayed in his JD voice and talked more about Jon and the things they'd talk about. That led to him talking about Tim Conway and his character Dorf. Howard said he didn't like that character. JD said he did. Jon said JD lives Dorf.
Jon said he was very touched by what JD was saying. He said he would love to have him speak at his funeral. Howard asked if he wants to say anything to Jon now. JD said he's a good friend. Jon said he makes him wonder a bit about what's going on there since he teared up.
Howard asked Jon if he feels about JD the way JD feels about him. Jon said he is a great friend. He said some people think it's a father son thing but it's really not. He said it's just a friend thing. Howard said he thinks of them as mom and daughter. He said he has his reasons for that.
Howard said he has to take a break. They played a JD song parody as they went to break.
Howard came back and asked if this is a great song. Robin asked who it is. He told her and said he's not sure when he heard it but he likes it. He said it's from 1991. He said this song releases the demons from his head. He said it's dangerous for him. He said it sends him into a dark hole. He said he'll pull out of it. He said he's not sure what they're even singing about but it brings him down. He said when things get dark and murky he pulls out.
Howard said he's going to do something this morning that he's anxious to do. He said he has to applaud this guy Nick who is on the phone. He said it has to do with a cautionary COVID tale. He said Nick lives with his parents, his dad and step mom. He said his step mom told him not to go to large social gatherings but if he does he has to wear a mask. Robin knew who he was. She said his dad had preexisting conditions.
Howard got Nick on the phone and asked how old he is. Nick said he's 21. Howard said his step mom was being a bit of a nag and told him to wear a mask. He said she was staying on him about that. Nick said she did warn him and said to be weary about the virus. He said it's not controllable and you have to be careful with it. He said he's very fortunate that he gets to see his father again.
Howard said his dad is 42 years old and a diabetic. He said his step mom was concerned because he had a preexisting condition. He said Nick went out and didn't wear a mask and brought COVID-19 back to his dad.
Nick said when you're young you're not thinking about what this can do to the older generation. Robin asked what he was saying in his own mind when his step mom told him to wear a mask. Nick said he's for masks and not against them in any way.
Howard said the night he went to a party, in Florida, he got a little loose about it and took his mask off. Nick said he did. He said with Coronavirus it's hard to know if someone has it or not. He said you have to take every precaution you can. He said COVID spreads through water droplets so you should wear a mask to try to control what you can.
Howard said Nick contracted COVID and he appreciates him calling in about this. He said people are so selfish about not wearing masks. He said he's really calling up as a caution to others. He said if you don't take it seriously it can hurt people. He said his dad got quite sick from it and ended up on a ventilator because of it. Nick said he feels bad about it and he'd like to go back and do everything he didn't do. He said he made a mistake and he has to learn from it.
Howard asked how many people got sick from the party. Nick said it was just him and his dad got it about a week and a half after the party. He said his little brother got sick and his step mom too. He said then his dad got hit the hardest. He said never in a million years did they expect it to hit them all like that. He said his dad had a fever and chills and then he had to be rushed to the hospital.
Howard had Nick's father on the phone. His name is John. John said he's still in the hospital but he's alive. He said he needs two negative COVID tests and they keep coming back positive. He said he hopes they come back negative today. He said his right hand is numb and his legs don't work because he's been laying down for over a month now. He said from there he has to go to a rehab center and live there for a month or two.
Howard said he's sure Nick feels guilty about his father having to go through this. He said you can't express to kids enough that you can bring it home to your family. Nick said it does start at home. He said that people go out and don't realize that you can get it from anywhere. He said it doesn't discriminate.
Howard asked if John is upset with his son about this. John said he's not mad at him. He said the first thing he texted was that he loves Nicholas. He said he hopes he learns a lesson and other people learn from it too. He said it's hard to lock up a 21 year old. He said it's really hard. He said if you do have to go out, wear a mask and keep your distance and don't let your guard down. He said people can spread this virus like wildfire. He said you don't want your family in the hospital fighting for their life.
Howard said he's sure Nick is beating himself up about this but don't. He said a lot of people are underestimating this virus. He said he likes that they're speaking out about this.
Howard said he heard that John had some close calls during his time in the hospital. John said he did but he's alive. He said he was in a coma for 20 days from what he's told. He said the last thing he remembers is Father's day. He said he doesn't remember anything about being sick or doing a Facebook Live thing he did. He said he can't remember any of that.
John said that their story went worldwide and the outpouring of love from the world was wild. Howard asked what his symptoms are now. John said he still has an oxygen tube there. He said his voice is raspy and he can't move his legs or arms but that's from laying there for a month. Howard said that's more about laying in the bed. John said it is. He said his eyes have been blurry too. He said he has numbness in his neck and scalp too but they're not sure what that's from. He said this virus is so unknown that they don't know what could be causing it.
Howard said he knows people who have it and they can go out for a run and they're fine. He said other people can get through it but it's like Russian Roulette.
Howard asked John if he was overweight. John said he was 246 pounds. Howard said that's not crazy overweight. John said he was morbidly obese because he's 5'9'' tall. He said his life has changed already. He said he's working on new business. He said he has had people praying for him around the world. He said he's not religious at all but he will go to those churches because they asked him to go. He said his birthday was yesterday and today is the first day of the rest of his life.
Howard said just stay home until this thing is over. He said don't go to church. He said COVID spreads there.
Howard said don't underestimate this virus. He said he thinks that's what the message is today. He said wear your masks and think about your family members. He said other countries have gotten rid of this thing because people care enough to wear masks. He said he's not sure what's going on in this country.
John said he wants to say one last thing. He said he wants to thank the doctors, nurses and health care people who are working during this time. He said they have to put on shoes, masks, gloves, glasses, hair nets and full body suits. He said their job is so difficult right now. He said he's seen it first hand. He said he has to thank them and especially the people at West Side Medical Center. He said just wear your damn masks for the community and your friends and family.
Howard said he agrees with him and couldn't have said it better himself. He said it's unbelievable that people aren't wearing the masks.
John said just stay home and if we all work together we can get back to where we were 5 months ago. He said the faster we work together the faster we can get back to normal. Howard said he's preaching to the choir there. He said he's with him on that.
Howard said they're at war with this virus and he's very dismayed with people who are so selfish that they won't wear a mask.
Howard asked John if things are working down there. John said it's not at the moment. John's wife Michelle was on with them and she was talking about how they were joking about the numb hand and how he'd have to change hands to masturbate.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mother in law went to West Palm to baby sit his niece and she contracted COVID-19 not 5 days after she got down there. He said she's been in the hospital ever since. He said they're wondering if they should put her on a ventilator. He said they're trying to get her to breathe but it hurts to do anything. Michelle said they were against it at first but they had to do something for him. She said he should listen to the doctor. The caller said they get texts about her and they're doom and gloom. He said his wife wants them to put her on a ventilator if they have to.
Howard asked about this Remdesivir drug and what they say about that. Michelle talked about that and said it's all just an experiment at this point. Howard asked Nick what they said about that with his mother in law. The caller said they asked about it and some people say to put her on it and some don't. He said she's 72 years old and that stuff is expensive. He said his wife just wants them to do it. Michelle said that don't worry about the money right now. She said worry about it later. John said they are worried about it. Michelle said of course they are but just save the person's life and worry about it later.
Howard said he's glad that John is alive. John said they have been doing this and they are doing what they know how to. He said it's worth the risk to save someone.
Howard said Nick must be grounded or something. Michelle said she's been keeping a close eye on Nick. Howard said that he has to thank them for calling in and making people aware of this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had a music fair in his town over the weekend. He said no one was wearing a mask there. He said this person was tested on Wednesday and went to the concert on Friday and she got her test back on Saturday and she tested positive for COVID. Howard said you have to assume that someone out at these events has it so don't go.
Howard said he's glad that everyone is sharing their stories. Howard took a call from a doctor who called himself Dr. C. He said he has to thank John for calling in. He said he almost teared up in the car hearing him talking about how much he appreciates the health care workers out there. He said it humanizes what they're going through. Dr. C talked about how he sees this every day and how tough it is. Howard said it's nonsense what's going on in this country right now. He said it's abhorrent.
Robin asked Nick if he talked to the people at the party about what happened. Nick said he did and everyone went out and got tested. He said they wanted to make sure they weren't bringing anything home to their families. He said that
Howard tested Nick by asking if he wanted to go to a party Robin is throwing with her Coven friends. Nick said this is his first lesson and he will have to decline. Howard said he's glad that Nick told his story. He said he wishes that they would call into any show that will take their call. He said this is a story that needs to be told. The whole family said ''Wear your masks.''
Robin said in New Jersey there was a house where 400 people showed up to a party. She said they had to call in police from several towns because there were so many people there. She said this woman lost control of the party and no one was social distancing. She said several officers were hurt and people at the party were too. Robin said there was also a report of some lifeguards going to a party and 20 of them came down with COVID. Howard said he wasn't going to say anything but he's doing the show form Vietnam.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about going back to School in the fall. Howard said it can't be done. He said they can send all the kids they want to school. He said what's going to happen is the kids will go and the teachers and kids will come down with COVID and we will be in a tsunami of COVID. He said they say they're close to a vaccine but just sit tight and wait for that. He said they can teach on Zoom. He said you can't do it. He said we need national leadership on this and we have to knock this thing out.
Howard said it's embarrassing that we're letting the morons of this country dictate how we do things. He said we're a joke right now. He said they should take away all of our bombs because we're not to be trusted. He said the morons have taken over this country.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in Canada and said they have like 200 cases a day in the whole country and that's because they wear masks up there. He said he doesn't get why people won't wear masks down there in Florida and places like that.
Howard said Richard and Sal get these guys to say wild stuff in the birthday announcements. He said they get them to say ''Robin's tight slot'' and ''Ronnie's cock ring'' and things like that. He said they get them to say wild stuff. He played a montage of some of those old calls Richard and Sal have done in the past.
Howard said the guys got one radio guy to wish a happy birthday to Coronavirus. Howard said Richard started working on this right away back when things went down. Howard played a clip of a host saying happy birthday to a bat eater. They had another host wishing a happy birthday to Coronavirus and one guy to Pam Demic. They had various other hosts wishing happy birthdays to ''Sue Perspreader'' and names like that. Howard said he's not sure this is even that funny. He said he likes Teen Anal and things like that. Robin said Coronavirus isn't that funny. Richard said there are some coming up that are funny. Howard said they worked Howard on this. They had one host saying ''Antibody Test Result'' in a funny way.
Howard had one host who said ''Robin wants to fuck Andrew Cuomo.'' Richard said they do that by explaining she was married a bunch of times and she kept all of her last names.
Howard played another one where a host said the name ''Wear a fucking mask asshole'' in a weird way that they were able to fool him into doing.
Richard said they try to do things in a different way with the way things are going in this world right now. He said it takes a lot of time to get it on the air.
Howard said any time people are inconvenienced a little bit they fold. He said they think they'll be fine if they get it. He said this guy was 50 and not sick at all. The caller said he had no underlying conditions they knew of. Howard said this guy really got hit and now he's dead. He said it's a game of Russian Roulette. He said you might pull out of it or not. He said he believes that with viruses, and we've had a lot of them, you can't treat it cavalierly. He said Michelle lost her husband to it. He said Dr. Agus says a vaccine might happen soon but we have to clamp down and take it seriously. He said it has nothing to do with republican or democrat. He said we have to take it into our own hands. He said he's commanding that we all wear masks. He said he's sorry about Michelle's husband.
Robin said she heard a story today about the support groups and hotlines grey have for survivors of COVID-19. She said it's for friends and families too. She said it's really scaring people.
Robin said there was a story about a 9 year old girl with no underlying conditions dying from it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Ralph is ridiculous and what he said about that family earlier is ridiculous. The caller said that Howard has to use his platform more to get people to wear masks. Howard said he thinks he has. The caller said he has to use it more. Robin said they'll have to be Corona 24/7. Howard said he still has friends who are goofing on him and Beth about not socializing. He said he won't do it though. The caller said we all have friends who are freaking idiots. She said they have turned into Corona idiots. she said we have to wear masks for a month and we'll get rid of it. She said this is the best country in the world. Robin said not right now. Howard said it is but we have to get this under control.
Howard had Jason tell a story he told him. Jason said that he used to think his brother was really smart but he flew to Houston to hang out with friends. He said he had no reason to go other than to hang out.
Howard said this pandemic wouldn't stop people from goofing on Gary's pitch. Howard asked Gary if he got the spidy sense that his pitch would be brought up again. Gary said his phone started blowing up after that pitch. He said that people say he's off the hook but everyone is talking about the pitch again.
Howard played a clip of the ESPN host calling the pitch and referencing the Baba Booey pitch. Gary said half the country must have wondered what Baba Booey was. Howard said he thinks they know.
Michael said that Howard has never trended number 1 in the country. Howard said only Baba Booey can do that. He said he has analyzed this before. He said Gary threw that pitch and they all try to burn it like a perfect strike. He said they should casually throw it and not try to do it like a pro. He said you can't do it underhanded but just throw it. He said even if it's high it's okay. He said Gary confessed to him that he did that and he tried to burn it in there.
Howard said Joe Buck mentioned Gary too. He said this is a whole different thing. He played a clip of Joe mentioning Gary's pitch during a game he was calling. He said somewhere Gary Dell'Abate is smiling. He said 50 Cent too and anyone else on that list. Gary said Joe sent him a note saying he gave him a shout out.
Howard said that they have the shitty pitch list and Gary is right at the top. He thanked Michael for bringing that up.
Michael said they need to have a mausoleum or something for people to go to so they can praise Baba Booey. Howard said he would think that he would want him to donate his body to science. Gary said Michael is shocked that he won't put the name Baba Booey on his tombstone. Howard let Michael go after that.
Howard said he has to take a break and he'll get to more. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said what a good song that is. He said he has been listening to a lot of SiriusXM on the weekends. He said he's been doing a lot of painting and listening to The Spectrum. He said it's do and new rock mixed together. Robin said she loves that he won't move off of that kind of music. Howard said they have so many channels that he can't keep up. He said you can listen to their show on demand if you want. He said he was listening to this woman on The Spectrum who had a nice patter. He said she's a very good announcer. He said he was painting and digging her. He asked the guys to find the names. Jason said it might be Christine Stone. Howard said that's it. Jason said her bio says she won a DJ for a day contest in 1988. Howard said that's the best. He said his father said that he didn't need to go to college to get that job. He said their jobs are so stupid. He said anyone can take their job.
Howard did his impression of Christine getting a job from that contest. He said she's never been on radio her whole live and just winning a contest got her on. Jason read some details about what she played as her first song. It was a Traffic song. Howard said he had that album.
Robin asked if Howard saw that picture of Gary holding up The Chicks new vinyl. Howard said he did. Robin said it was like he did an unboxing.
Howard said that's so depressing that Christine Stone got her job from wining a contest. He said that shows you that it's not such a profession. He said it's a crazy profession.
Howard said he's been painting for 6 years and he's full of doubt about his skill. He said he got an email from Bubba the Love Sponge the other day. He said he sent him a package. He said he got it and he opens it up and Bubba says that he was inspired to become a painter. He said he started 2 weeks ago and has finished four already. He said he saw that and wondered what was going on there. He said he got one of those paintings and he now has an original Bubba the Love Sponge painting. He said he's thinking of hanging it down there. He showed it to Robin. Robin said she likes it. Howard said he likes it too. Howard said it's an abstract painting. He said it's very dark. He said it looks like skulls with smoke coming out. Howard said he told Bubba he's unbelievable. He said it takes him a couple of months to finish one and Bubba did 4 in 2 weeks. Robin said the colors are good. Howard said he's a natural.
Howard said it's funny with art. He said you want to play piano you have to do it for years. He said you want to play in sports you have to do it for years and years. He said you want to be a painter, Bubba did it in a couple of weeks. Howard said Bubba just sent him a note saying he just did 3 more while he was talking.
Howard said he has another one from The Price is Right. Howard played that and Drew Carey added a few more names like, Howard, Robin, Fred and Baba Booey after a woman named a bunch of people.
Howard played a clip of a guy giving a shout to Baba Booey on a news program. Howard said that guy gave multiple shout outs.
Howard said this is a reporter from WNBC in New York reporting on phased openings in Connecticut when someone got in a Baba Booey over him.
Howard said some guys on Sports Center got in a Baba Booey mention during their show. Howard played that clip next. One of the guys asked if the players will have to yell Baba Booey at themselves now that there aren't fans at the games.
Howard said he always thought sports announcing was kind of dopey. He said they talk about who they think will win and they go back and forth arguing about it. Howard said then they take calls and the callers have another team they think will win. He said it's just predicting things.
Howard said he has a few more Baba Booeys. He said a Milwaukee station had some coverage of some protests and someone yelled out Baba Booey. He played that clip and a guy was yelling out Baba Booey and Howard Stern. The reporter said that some people can't handle live TV.
Howard said he has another one where a guy was covering protesters and someone yelled out Baba Booey. He played that and people were cursing like crazy and then someone yelled out Baba Booey, Howard Stern's penis... and then some more Baba Booeys.
Howard said he might be in quarantine but his name lives on out on the street. Howard said Hit 'em with the Hein is still out there. He had a clip of someone on live TV yelling it out during a report on a car crash.
Howard said there you have it. He said that the Baba Booeys and Hit 'em with the Heins are coming during the games and on the street. He said you can say Fafa Fohi or Fafa Fohi or anything like that. He said be careful with Mama Monkey. He said he got yelled at by Gary's mom for using that one. Gary said he'd like to remove Rara Retard out of the running too.
Howard said Gary's mom called his mom to complain about the Mama Monkey thing. He said his mother called and told him about that. He did his impression of his mom talking about that with him. Howard said he wishes he had a recording of that call. Gary said he does too.
Howard went into the whole conversation about the Monkey thing with his mom. He did an impression of his mom talking to him about how cruel that was and how Gary's mom was upset about it. Fred was playing the clips of Billy West saying ''Monkey'' from back in those days. He played monkey sounds too.
Howard was going on and on as his mother telling him to stop it. He told his mother that Gary makes a pretty good living.
Gary said he got a call from Howard that night and he asked him if he knew that his mother called his mother. Gary said he was like ''Oh man...'' He said he had to call his mother and ask what she was thinking and how she got her number. She got the number out of the phone book. Robin said that's funny that Howard's mom had to call him.
Howard said Gary has a big plastic pool in his back yard. Gary said it's fuckin' awesome. Howard said why not. He said he'd do that and sit in it. Gary said it was 300 bucks. He said he blew it up yesterday and had the kids do that. He said it even has a filter on it. He said it's like a real pool. He said you blow the top ring up and the water makes the top ring move up. He said it's not even that much to blow up.
Howard said he has a pool and that's about all that he'd use anyway. Gary said Mary was mocking him about it but now she's using it and loves it.
Howard said the good news is that Kissing Booth 3 was already filmed alongside 2 and he has to get his hands on that. The caller, Kathy, said he has to wait to watch it. She said that he got 2 early and she was afraid he would be over it by now. Howard said he looked up Joey King on Google and found out she has two sisters. He said one is a soap opera actress. He said it must be annoying when you have a career and your siblings get into the same job. He said he's glad his sister didn't get into radio. He said his sister had her own life.
Howard said he knows guys who complain about their siblings getting into the same career. Howard said he knows Chris Rock has a brother who is in comedy. He said he knows Chris will go to his grave saying he wishes his brother the best but he knows he doesn't. Robin said how about Charlie Murphy. Howard said if he got Eddie drunk and had a conversation with the two of them, he's sure that Eddie wouldn't be happy about his brother being in the same business. Robin said he did write with Charlie. Howard said he knows but he doesn't care what anyone says.
The caller said that Joey King played that Gypsy Rose in that movie where she played the sick kid and she still sees that character when she sees her.
Howard said you have to go on HBO Max and watch a show called Love Life with Anna Kendrick. He said that's kind of like Kissing Booth. Howard asked if she's a little person. Robin said no. Howard said he really likes Anna. He said he liked her in that movie where she sang A Capella.
The caller, Kathy, said there's a show called Switch that's really good. She said that these couples switch with other couples. Howard said he's not interested in that. He had to hang up on her because she kept talking over him.
Howard said Anna Kendrick is 5'2'' according to Google. He said that she is a good actress. He said he feels like her leg is going to break when she's doing a love scene. He said she's so tiny. He said she has a pretty big rack for someone so tiny. Robin asked who would look at Anna Kendrick's rack. Gary said all of us.
Howard said the Incredible Hulk is on the phone. He said he's excited about Kissing Booth 3. Howard took the call and Hulk was talking about how much he loves those movies. He said he has so many unanswered questions after Kissing Booth 2. He said he needs 3 now. Howard said he likes when he calms down and becomes Bruce Banner. He did that for Howard and calmed down. Howard asked what happened to the music that happened when he turned back. Hulk said ''he working from home'' so he doesn't have that music available to him.
Howard said Hulk won't hurt people he loves and he's not sure why that is if he can't remember things when he's Hulk. Hulk, as Bruce Banner, was talking about the movies and not about his own life. Howard said he's getting into the movies and not talking about it like it's his own life. He said get off his phone.
Robin said he's 5 times the size of Bruce but his pants never come off. Howard said he wears maternity pants and they stretch. Howard said he has to get out of there. He ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard said everything is irritating him right now. He said he's having some technical problems. He said that the Prophet system is very loud and they have to knock Robin down by 10 percent. Robin said she has no idea what he's talking about. Howard said he doesn't bother her with that stuff. Howard said he also wants proper modulation which is a green type of tube...
Robin asked what that necklace is he's wearing. Howard said he wears that every day. He said he's had it since he met Beth. He said it has his initial. He said Beth made it for him. He said it has a B on it too. He said Beth had it custom made and it's so beautifully made. He said it may have been King Baby or someone. He said he can't read it. He said he wears it and what's funny about it is that when he's banging her it hits her in the head when it swings. He said he wears it to distract people from his face. He said Beth would make him take it off when they banged. He said ever since she gave him this she has him leave it on. He said it's heavy too. He said it smacks her in the head and teeth. He said she says ''Ow, ow, ow'' when they're doing it. He said he thought it was because he was a man. He said she won't make him take it off because she had it made for him.
Howard said he had Beth's initial tattooed on his hand too. He said they were watching the show Love Life and Anna Kendrick is in it and her boyfriend tattoos her name over his heart. He said they were talking about that last night. He said he initialed her name on his finger and that's romance. He said Beth was upset that he didn't put it over his heart so he had to remind her of that.
Robin asked why he doesn't put the necklace behind him. Howard said he does that on the Peloton. He said he flips it to his back. He said when he's banging Beth she likes it vigorous and he delivers it hard. He said this is not made up. He said she likes it hard. He said he thrusts wildly. He said one time he almost broke his penis because he thrusts so hard. He said he hit the side of her leg. Robin said his aim isn't good. Howard said he needs a target down there.
Howard said you should see when he's going the necklace goes flying. He said it hits her in the nose, head and teeth. He said she won't make him take it off because he wears it every day. Robin said she hopes he's not in that position that much or she's getting beat up. Howard said he uses his penis like a battering ram.
Howard said he was reading Dr. Agus' book and he says that you have to have sex to stay healthy. He said he keeps reading it to make sure he didn't make a mistake. He said sometimes he beats off to make sure he's cleaned out down there. He said every night they get in bed and watch Anna Kendrick on HBO Max. He said they have to get their marketing together over there. He said he's not sure what HBO Max is. He said that show is like number 2 on the service. He said he likes that Anna Kendrick. Howard said he likes Joey King too. He said she and Anna are good.
Howard said he sat down to watch the movie with his wife. He said the movie studios are so afraid that he's going to steal the movie. He said they print his name across the movie and they put it on this Pix system. He said this was created to combat pirating. He said they have people like himself watch the movies on this system. He said it's personally coded for each person. He said he knows the real reason they created it and it's to torture him. He said his assistant Laura sends him the email that it's ready to watch. He said they request that he watches it before Seth is on. He said he likes that and he's happy to watch it. He said he went out for a walk because the weather was nice and he was doing personal things over the weekend. He said he cleared his schedule to watch the movie and then the secret code doesn't work. He said he calls his assistant and says it doesn't work. He said she says they're working on it. He said he had to hold for 20 minutes.
Howard said he tried again on Sunday. He said he asked Jimmy Kimmel if he has the Pix system and he says he hates it more than he hates Trump. He said he has the same issues that he does. He said you want to be ready for a guest. He said that he was telling Jimmy that he had to tell Seth that he wasn't able to see his movie. Howard said he was talking to Jimmy with voicemail messages instead of writing them out in texts. Robin said he's been doing that with her too. Howard said he just wants to tell you something quick so that's what he's doing.
Howard said he told Jimmy he was going to throw his remote through the TV screen. Jimmy told him to do it and film it please. Howard said Jimmy says he has never tantrummed in his life other than with the Pix system.
Howard said Beth comes in to watch the movie and he has to tell her that he can't get into the system. He said then she starts laughing. He said that kills him.
Howard said last night they got him into the system finally. He said the movie started but then it went back to the start where you have to put the code in. He said he was told he had to wait another 10 minutes to get another code and he gave up on it. He said he just can't do it.
Gary said he has an update. Howard said he doesn't want it. He said he has no time to watch the movie today. He said he wanted it over the weekend. He said that's why he did it. Howard asked Gary what the update is. Gary said they worked on his box overnight and it's ready to go today. Howard said there were no movies on it. He said he has nothing to do with that. He said they're destroying his life with that Pix system. He said whoever invented it should be on trial now. Howard said that's great, it's all fixed but he doesn't have a free minute today. He said how about he leaves right now and watches it.
Howard said he can't build his day on that. He said he knows it's silly. Robin said everything is difficult to do because all of these technologies.
Howard said even his deodorant isn't working. He said this is why he gets ragged out. He said everything just goes wrong. Howard said they say people his age don't buy new things. He said he has been using the same soap since he was in college. He said he is young at heart but he does stick with things. He said he loves Dove soap. He said it's unscented and he likes that. He said his mom got him into that. He said she told him not to use scented soaps so his skin stays nice. Robin said she was reading something about proper showering. She said if you have a soap dish you have to get rid of it. Howard said it's always milky. Robin said they say it breeds germs. Howard asked where he's supposed to put his soap. Robin said they say you have to keep it in a dry place. Howard said he can't. He said he hates that soap dish though. He said he has to get something. Robin said you have to get one of those things that can get it up and let it dry out. Howard said his biggest fear is contamination. He said this COVID-19 is driving him nuts because of this contamination.
Howard said they say that 1066 Americans died of COVID yesterday. He said the guy grey spoke to yesterday says he's still paralyzed from COVID. He said he can only move his hand. He said this guy is like the guy in My Left Foot now. He said he knows people don't all get affected by it but they also don't know what happens long term. Robin said she has a friend whose hair is falling out and she has gaps in her brain from it. She said she reads that other people have that too. Robin said Will still has stomach issues. Howard said they don't understand this yet.
Howard said it sounds like Regis was out crowd surfing. Robin said it sounds like he just dropped dead. Howard said he's not sure what happened to him but he loved the guy. He said he's just wondering why people are all running around. He said he gets going to work to make a living. He said you take a calculated risk doing that. He said he understands that. He said going out to a Chainsmokers concert or a restaurant is something you can live without.
Howard said maybe he has it all wrong about this Regis stuff. He said he was such a social animal. He said it would be like during the AIDS crisis that he went out and fucked 80 guys in the ass. He said he's America's treasure so you can't do that. Robin said he must have been having a good time though. She said you can look at it like he was going to drop dead that day anyway and he had fun doing it or he could sit at home. Howard said he doesn't look at it that way. He said he knows that he's in hiding and he's doing the best he can. He said he doesn't understand what everyone else is doing.
Howard said he doesn't understand what people are up to out there. He said Kathie Lee is flying around and Regis is out. He said people are going to the Chainsmokers concert. He said you'd have a better chance of living by chain smoking. He said maybe they don't want to live forever like he does.
Howard said he's reading about people like the baseball players out there. He said that baseball players are playing baseball and they can't play safely. He said how are they going to send kids to school in September. Robin said the baseball players are making millions doing it. Howard said some of the guys knew they had COVID and they went and played.
Robin asked if he heard about the NBA players being put in a bubble. Howard said they can't play sports like that and how are they going to get kids in school. Howard said they have to look at Vietnam to see how they got COVID under control. He said his daughter lived in Hanoi for 2 years. He said she told him that everything there was for sale. He said she was renting a private apartment and people have ownership there. She told him that they have a patch of land to grow rice on and that's the extent of the communism over there. He said that they were up to shenanigans over there back during the Vietnam war. He said that there are 95 million people there and they haven't had one COVID death. He said they have to ask how they did that and how they beat our ass.
Howard said he has to get back to his deodorant. He said he liked this stuff that was in a spray can and had no aerosol. He said every other can had no spray in it. He said for every one that works he had to throw out one or two cans. He said he didn't know what he was doing. He said the other day he threw out 3 cans because he was getting nothing out of it. He said he used to like Dry Idea but that has aluminum in it. He said this company has to get this spray to work. He said he doesn't like roll on either. He said he's all upset about this stuff.
Robin asked what else he has in his shower. Howard said he can't take this and she has to stop. Howard said the only time he relaxes is when he's watching Anna Kendrick on that Love Life show. Robin asked if he has a loufa. Howard said he odes not. He said he has a thing he cleans his feet with. Robin said it's not getting clean. She said you can't leave those things in the shower. She said they have to dry out. Howard said she has to stop. He said he's not kidding.
Howard said he has the guy who created the Pix system on the phone. He took the call and the guy told him how to fix his Pix system. He had all kinds of confusing instructions on how to get it to work.
Howard said he had a thought. He said if he didn't have the Rob Zombie song to open the show everyday he has a song to replace it. He asked if Robin wants to guess what it is. Howard said they open the show with the song ''The Great American Nightmare'' because Rob insists that he has to play it. He said he made that song for the movie ''Private Parts.'' Howard said Rob is a genius so he has to play it.
Howard said lets say that song doesn't exist anymore. He said he has a song to replace it. Howard said he loves the Rolling Stones but he wouldn't have their song ''Honky Tonk Woman'' as the opening song. He said he has another song in mind. Robin said she thinks that Prodigy song ''Firestarter.'' Howard said that's a little too intense. He said you need something to wake up to.
Howard said this is the song. He played the Soul Coughing ''Super Bon Bon'' for Robin. Howard said he was doing his workout and that song came on. He said he was a few pounds overweight so he had to work out. He said Beth keeps buying him dried figs and they're his Kryptonite. He said he was reading the bag and it says that one portion size is 50 calories. He said he was figuring out how many figs there were in that. He said that's one fig. He said it's 50 calories for one fig. He said he had 5 last night after dinner. He said he was packing on the pounds because he's not that active. He said he grabbed some Cashews too. He said he told Beth to stop buying them. He said he walks by and throws some in his mouth.
Robin said Cashews are not a nut. Howard asked if she's trying to destroy his life. Robin said cashews are actually a bean. Howard said he loves those figs. He said he doesn't like regular ones just the dried ones.
Howard said when he was growing up his mother would make him some celery sticks to eat. He said they have no calories. He said she'd smear it with cream cheese. He said no wonder he was a pudge ball.
Howard said they say that cashews are actually a fruit. He said they say they're a type of apple. He said they grow at the bottom of the apple? He said he didn't know that. He said that has to be fake news. Robin said it is not a nut. Howard said that can't be right.
Howard said he heard Jon Hein went to a backyard party. Jon said he hung out with a couple of people wearing masks and keeping their distance. Howard said he has diabetes. Jon said he knows. Howard asked if they had to yell to each other. Howard said he must be nuts. He said he used to get together with people but doing it over Zoom is much more pleasant. He said just go on Zoom and do it. Jon said he has been for the past few months. He said they were in a huge back yard and everyone was very conscious of it. Howard asked why it's so great to go there in person. Jon said it's not the same on Zoom. Robin said she's perfectly happy with that. Howard said Jon isn't worth dying for. He said he'll talk to him on Zoom.
Jon said he went away with a couple of friends and they all got tested before hand. He said they were in separate areas. He said it makes sense. Howard asked how long it took to get the test results back. Jon said it took 13 days at that time. Howard said this makes no sense. Jon said it was nice to get out.
Robin said she's not sure how talking to people in a mask is fun. Howard said he has seen people who claim they're social distancing but they're not.
Howard asked Jon who the long shot is with Biden. Jon said Susan Rice is the one they're saying could be the one. Howard asked who the woman was that was a war hero and a double amputee. Robin said that's Tammy Duckworth. Howard asked what her odds are. Jon said 8-1.
Howard said he has Bernie Sanders on the phone. He said he thinks he should be Biden's running mate. Howard took the call from Fake Bernie who said that Biden stole his idea of the old guy running for President from him. Howard said he thinks he has some ideas that are too progressive and people got scared.
Howard talked to Bernie about Biden and how he'll probably pick a female running mate. Fake Bernie had some thoughts on that. He had joke after joke about that stuff.
Howard asked Bernie about the various running mates that Biden could pick. Bernie had thoughts on all of them.
Howard said he thinks it's too late for Bernie. Bernie took out a chainsaw and cut off his dick and said here comes Bernadette Sanders. Howard thanked Bernie for the call and let him go as he was chainsawing at his dick.
Howard said Bernie gave himself a penisectomy right on the air. Robin asked if Howard saw that Martha Stewart was in her pool posing sexy. Howard said he saw it and she looked good. Robin said she only showed her head though. Howard said she's an older woman. Robin said Caitlyn Jenner posed topless too. Howard asked if she knows she used to be Bruce Jenner.
Howard said now Chuck has taken down his social media because his son got COVID-19. He said Chuck was a COVID-19 denier until his son got it.
Howard said he saw in the news that there were people wearing masks with a swastika in a store. He said that these two fat fucks were wearing those masks and someone called them out on it. He said one of the fat couple said they were wearing it because the Nazis are going to take over. Howard said there's a leap you have to take to figure that out. He said that's not even the strangest outfit he's seen on a person in Walmart. He said that he's seen stretch pants on overweight women that looked way worse.
Howard said another woman claimed that if you vote for Biden then you'll live in Nazi Germany. The caller said he's all for letting people not wear masks and let them die. Howard said they're passing the virus on so that's why everyone has to wear a mask.
Howard said they have to ship all the morons to one state and let them live there with no masks. He said they can wear their Swastika masks and let them eat each other. Howard said they can call it Moronville. He said Chuck Woolery can be the president of Moronville. Howard said he has other names mike Moronaco and Imbecile Island.
The caller said he appreciates what they do on a day to day basis. He said the show still kicks ass. He said he's a teacher and he knows how hard it can be to work from home. He said they keep them going every day.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if he can hear him. Howard said don't ask that. King said he forgot he asked that before. King said Susan Rice and Kamala Harris would not be good choices because they're married to white men if that makes any sense. Howard said it makes sense if you live in Moronaco. He said King got hammered in the email. King said people just don't understand what he was saying.
Howard read some of the feedback they got about King. People were going off on King about what he said about abuse and how that's love in a relationship. Howard said someone said they would rather hear Bobo than King of All Blacks. King said that's the lowest one.
King said he thinks that these guys are saying that to appease women. Robin said no one knows who they are.
Gary said King isn't a woman beater but he has beaten women in the past. King said he doesn't do it anymore. Gary said he has done it. King said if you have cancer and get cured of it then do you still have cancer?
Howard said King came off poorly because he said that if a man beats a woman then he must really love her. King said they're looking at it from the wrong point of view. He said he's not defending that. He said he's simply saying that... Howard said this is taking too long. King said come on. He tried explaining again and said that the man does love the woman even if he's abusing her. Howard said stop it. He hung up on him and said they're not going to get into that again.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they talk about COVID but there's so much more to it than they realize. She said she has been fighting it for 2 months and she's been on the couch not able to do anything. She said she gave it to her dad, mom and grandmother and her friends. She said she didn't know she was sick. She said her dad died from it on Father's day. She said that he got a blood clot and they don't even tell you that can happen. She said that her father was 68 and active and nothing would have happened to him if not for COVID. She said that he slept for 10 days straight and 18 hours a day and then he just died in an instant. She said she got a call in the afternoon that day and he had died. She said there's so much about COVID that you don't know what's going to happen to you. She said she's 38 and she has been out of commission. She said she can't stay awake for more than 6 hours. He said that she just had to tell him that there's so much more that can happen.
Howard said he hopes there are people out there who will hear that and take action. He said he doesn't get these people who are risking it.
The caller said that no one they worked with got sick from it because they were all wearing masks. She said the one time they got together as family they all got it. She said that it was a small 6 person group. She said the masks work.
Howard said Gary is being careful but he shared a pipe with someone. He said that he took his mask off and shared a pipe with someone. He asked why the fuck he would do that during this pandemic. Howard said he knows people who are not using their heads during this thing. Howard asked Gary why he did that. Gary said he can't defend it. He said it was the dumbest thing he's done. He said you kind of forget that it's a bad idea. He said he tried it to help his knee pain and he knows it was wrong. He said alcohol was involved too. He said it's so fucking stupid and Howard is right.
Howard said he had this whole plan for today's show and he's not sticking to it. He said he'll get to it after a break. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this song fucks him up. He said what a song. He said what a woman. He said Maren reminds him of a girl from his high school who was really hot. Robin said they were giving her crap on social media this week because she took a picture of herself with her baby wearing the same outfit. She said that people were saying that she's a bad mom because the baby wasn't wearing floaties near the water. Robin said they had to explain that there were 5 people here and it was just to get that shot. Howard said that'll teach you to post anything to social media. He said his wife tries to get kittens adopted and people go off on her about not caring about people. He said people are just animals.
Howard said Maren Morris is always in hot pants. He said she can really sing too. He said she has big titties too. He said so she didn't put floaties on her baby. He said she's the greatest mom to him. He said she can be his mommy. He said this song really screws him up. He said he asked her about what it means but she was in hot pants so he wants able to concentrate on what she was saying.
Howard said he had a girl in his high school who looked kind of like her. He said he knew her name but she had no idea who he was. He said he didn't speak in high school for 3 years. Howard said they moved from the black community and it freaked him out. He said he didn't talk in class for 3 years. Robin said he thought it was going to save him but it turned out it wasn't so great. Howard said he moved to the white community and figured they'd like him but no one liked him. He said he was a mess. He said it wasn't a great community for him. He said they moved to Rockville Center and no one was too thrilled with the Jews. He said that his mom had a way of picking a neighborhood. Robin said maybe no neighborhood would work out.
Howard said he thought about that girl and how maybe she'd fall in love with him. He said no one was falling for him though.
Howard said he looked this woman up on Facebook. He said she had a public page. He said now she looks like Ronnie the Limo Driver which is great.
Howard said he likes the serious announcement about that. He said that they don't even have a director on their show. Robin said there was nothing immediate about cutting them off in that call.
Howard said he likes this song. He said it captures his anger. He said the band Cake has this song ''Rock N' Roll Lifestyle'' that makes him crazy. He said he can't believe they even put this song out. He said it came out in the 90s. He said there are these kids who have tattoos all over their bodies and dress in expensive clothes. He said they have this rock star look and grey have no money. He said there's no way they can find a job looking like that. Robin said she remembers kids getting the plugs in their ear lobes that stretched them out. She said they can't be in a fortune 500 company.
Howard said he was listening to Lithium and the host Grant was talking about this song. He said they were talking about these rock star kids who are all living off their parents and all full of shit. Howard said when he got his tattoos and long hair he was already making a good living. He said he earned that look. He said that Cake song is right. He said those kids are no gangsters.
Howard played the Cake song and talked about going on vacation with Beth and how they'd see these young kids at the place they were staying and they'd be on their chaise lounges and talking about going to a concert. Robin said that she would see kids coming back from partying all night and going back to sleep the day away as she was going to work.
Howard said he gets fired up about that stuff. Robin said she just lets people live their lives. Howard said he tries to do that but then these guys write a song about it. He said they're right. He said music should make you happy and not angry. He said he's walking around angry.
Robin said she went for a ride on her bike and she wore her mask but no one else is wearing one. She said she's not going to fight it. She said she's just going to do her thing and let people do their thing.
Robin asked if Bigfoot got a stimulus check. Wolfie said he did not and he was upset about that. Howard said he's on welfare so he shouldn't get one. Howard said Bigfoot has been on the show since 2006. He said they found him during a search for the next great Wack Packer. Robin asked if someone brought him to them. Howard said yes. He said that the guy has great stories and he's a very big man. He said his favorite story was the one about him fucking his mail man. He said that he claims he isn't gay but he fucked the mail man. Howard said he dated a transgender woman and he didn't mind talking about it. He also talked about having scabies. Howard said he was talking to Bigfoot about the trans woman and Bigfoot talked about fucking her in the ass because she still had a dick.
Howard said Bigfoot is like a bear. He said things are happening to him lately and his house has become the town flophouse. He said people would visit and then not leave his house. Wolfie said it happens all the time. He said he never knows who is going to walk through his door. Howard said Wolfie will do a report and you find out he has shit covered towels in his bathroom and things like that. He said he has spiders everywhere too.
Howard said he has to commend Wolfie on this reporting. He said he was in the room when he got some of these updates. Howard said Bigfoot has a new roommate just about every time they talk to him. He said people get there and won't leave. Robin said it's a horrible place too.
Howard said one of his latest roommates is this guy Kelly. He said this guy gave them some insight into what it's like to live with him. Howard played a clip of Kelly talking about how Bigfoot is always picking his ass and that's one of the worst things he does. Wolfie asked how often he does it. Kelly said several times a day. He said he won't smoke weed with him because he won't wash his hands. Robin said Bigfoot doesn't have Coronavirus but he doesn't wash his hands. Howard said Kelly sounds like a slightly smarter Bigfoot.
Howard played another clip of Bigfoot talking about picking his ass because he has pimples on it. He said he pops them and wipes the pus on his pants.
Howard said one of the guys works for them and they sent him up to go on location with Bigfoot and he was so traumatized that he left his clothes at the hotel because it was so gross in his apartment. Wolfie said he did the same thing. He said it's no joke about how it's like the Addams family house. He said there are cobwebs all over the place.
Howard said Bigfoot claims to have a 9 and a half inch cock. Howard said this guy Kelly lives there and Bigfoot lets Kelly fuck his girlfriend. Howard played a clip of Kelly talking about how he banged this girl and Bigfoot watched them doing it. He said it's a big joke between them now. Howard said if you watch someone get infected with an STD that can be considered a misdemeanor. Howard said if Bigfoot knew that and he didn't do something then he could get in trouble. Robin said she's not sure that's in the law. Howard said it should be.
Howard said Bigfoot finds bugs on himself in the shower. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Bigfoot about a weird bug jumping off of him in the shower. He said it was on his stomach. He said he has no idea what it was.
Howard said the day Wolfie called another strange character was there. He said her name as Panther. He said Wolfie talked to her about Bigfoot. Howard played a clip and Panther was talking about how great Bigfoot is and how he has never done her wrong. She said he shows her respect. She said he helps her out when she's in pain and they both help each other.
Robin said that they could have a show if they could film them. Howard said they have a platform to show it. He said they can get the Orkin man to spray down Bigfoot before they go into his house.
Howard said Panther is more of a Wack Packer than Bigfoot is. He said she talked about cutting off her own toe once. He said Wolfie tried to get the story out of her but she was kind of incoherent telling the story. In the clip Panther talked about how her toe was black and she cut it off trying to fix her mistake. She was kind of rambling about her crutches and stuff.
Robin said that is a breeding ground of Wack Packers. Howard said they really have to get up there. He said that woman is wild.
Howard said Wolfie got the story out of Panther. He said she kicked a table and damaged her toe so badly that it had to be amputated. He said that's what they think happened. Howard said Bigfoot has her back so that's why she stays at his house. Robin said if she only had Bigfoot then she'd know that she's in trouble.
Howard said Bigfoot claims that Panther isn't very stable. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Bigfoot about how he had to call the cops on Panther. He said she was throwing knives at him and Kelly and he had to call the cops on her.
Robin said Panther said she had a baby at some point. Wolfie said she has a couple of kids actually. He said the nuance about their relationship is the best part. He said it's very strange. Howard said Bigfoot thinks she was arrested but he doesn't know. Howard played another clip where Bigfoot talked about calling the cops and he's not sure if they were arrested. He said he thinks she went to jail but he's not sure.
Howard said Panther is actually Joe Biden's VP nomination. He said that Bigfoot claims that he has no idea who Panther is but she claims that they were close. He said he claims that it was all made up. Howard played a clip of Bigfoot talking about that with Wolfie.
Howard said they really should film them up there. Wolfie said they had better lock those cameras down because everything gets stolen up there.
Howard played a clip of Bigfoot talking to Wolfie about how Panther showed up at his house to drink vodka and she really doesn't know them at all. He said she drank all of that and didn't even ask for it. He called her a dumb cunt and went off on her saying she's off her fucking rocker.
Howard played a Bigfoot song parody that he had. He said that he could do that Bigfoot show and sell it to Andy Cohen in a second. Robin said imagine the reunion show. Howard said its like the real life Munsters.
Howard said if Denise Richards let him into her bed he's not telling anyone. Robin said then you don't have a show. Howard said he loves that show and he can't wait for the next episode. He said this is the same thing he feels about Jada. He said it's not cool to talk about that kind of thing.
Howard said his lips are sealed after doing something like that. He said he loves the Brandi thing but if Denise lets you into bed to fuck her you don't talk about it. Robin said she saw a lot of guys upset with Will Smith for sitting here and letting his wife be with another guy. Howard said he has to agree with that. He said if Beth is fucking another guy he's going to be talking about it on his show and not on some Facebook Live show.
Howard said JD wants to weigh in on this story. He asked JD if he would tell anyone if Denise Richards let him into her bed. JD laughed and said no way. He said he thinks Brandi misses being on that show and this is sort of her way of trying to get back on. Howard said of course. He said she should be on it because she's great on it. Robin asked if Brandi has had sex with anyone and not talked about it. Howard said probably not.
Howard said he's not sure if Denise even did it. JD said he gets why she'd be afraid of him finding out. He said he is a kind of crazy guy. Howard said the show is great.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he's wrong about the Jada Pinkett Smith thing. She said that they want this out there. She said that things are slow for them and they have to get their names out there.
Mariann said that Andy Cohen gave away his dog because of his baby so shame on him. She said that Oprah's magazine is also failing. She said Howard and Robin have a great friendship like Regis and Kathie Lee. she said that they have that close connection on and off camera. She said she's so sad that Regis died. She said it's so sad. Howard said it is. He hung up on her and said his ears hurt from her.
Howard said all magazines are tanking so it's not just Oprah. Robin said she's doing everything she can not to do that show again but it all looks like doing that show. Howard said he watches her on Instagram. He said she may have blocked him.
Howard read some feedback about Lisa who called in last week. He had some feedback about Nick and his family who called in yesterday. He had a bunch of comments on those subjects. Howard said Ralph took some hits over his comments about that family.
Howard said JD got some feedback about his love for Jon Hein. He read through some of that feedback. He did an impression of JD talking about Jon. He said it was so moving. Robin said there wasn't a dry eye in the house.
Howard said Jon and JD are a bizarre pairing. He said he gets why JD likes Jon but not the other way around. Robin said it must be comic relief. Howard said it seems like Jon has a genuine talking relationship with JD. Gary said he asked Jon about it yesterday. He said Jon said that it's like an older brother and little brother kind of thing. Howard said he thinks that Jon is on the level of JD. He said he just speaks a little better. Jon said he and JD have similar senses of humor. He said they're both sports fans too. He said they have things in common. JD said fast food is one thing. Jon said that they're in early in the morning too so they talked a lot. He said he loves the guy.
Howard said they thought that it was a strange relationship. JD said he can conversate with Jon. Robin said here we go again with ''conversate.'' JD said he thought that was a word. Howard said he should just go for the little words and not the big word. JD said that was the first thing that popped in his head so he just said it. Howard said they should record it next time they ''conversate.'' Jon said they'll do that.
Jason said that Jon and JD would talk while Jon was on his drive in from work. Jason said he doesn't talk to his family as much as JD and Jon talk. JD said he'd hear Jon yelling at people in traffic and stuff. Jon said he and JD are always laughing at one another and they know what gets each other riled up.
Howard said Chris Wilding was telling him that he thinks JD is arrogant off the air. Jason said a lot of people think that. JD said Chris is one to talk. He said he's not sure what his problem is with him all of a sudden. He said he's been taking digs at him lately. Chris said JD has been doing the same with him. Chris said that other people get on him and he jumps down his throat when he says something.
Ward asked Chris what makes him think that JD is arrogant. Chris said that JD may have been watching TV in a meeting and someone called attention to it. He said they were goofing on JD and he jumped down his throat over it. He said when JD walks into the office in the morning he would just grunt at him when he said good morning. Howard said he gets that too. He said he'd walk in and JD would grunt at him. He said then he'd laugh. He said he'd say to management that he's the boss and he's grunting at him.
JD said there's something weird about him. He said he feels it's fake or something. He said he has trouble saying good morning. He said it's hard for him to do that. Howard asked if it would feel fake to say it back to him. JD said it would feel weird and he can't explain it.
Howard said he's not sure how JD would handle another job. JD said he has adapted there and he could adapt somewhere else. Howard said he doesn't think so. He asked if JD is trying to do something other than say good morning. JD said he's trying to be different. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said Jon claims that he gets some conversation out of JD. Jon said he can't say he's not enjoying this. Howard said he is but maybe for the wrong reasons. Howard said JD is saying that when he tries to answer his brain is going into a car accident. Howard said he thinks JD was trying to come up with his own greeting. He said he just grunts. JD said he'll grunt or say ''Heeeyyy'' like Richard Christy. He said those two are easy for him to get out.
Jon said JD over thinks everything. He said he doesn't want people to be angry at him or think less of him and he can't just say something simple and he has to think about it. Howard asked if this is something they have talked about in private. Jon said no but he's been going to JD for years and he understands it well. Howard asked if he has never had a good morning. JD said that's possible. Robin said if you've never had a good morning then maybe you could say ''Maybe for you'' when someone says good morning to you. JD said that might sound arrogant.
Howard said he remembers when JD first started there. JD said he started in 2003 interning there. Howard said he remembers JD starting and he grunted at him when he said good morning. He said he thought he was a nerd speaking Klingon or something. Gary said Howard said he thought he was Napoleon Dynamite working there. Howard said he did. He said all he knows is that day a star was born. He said he's one of his favorites.
JD said he doesn't feel arrogant, he feels the opposite. Robin said if she has to go down the hall to ask JD to do something she'll show up at his door and he'll turn around and roll his eyes and asks ''What?'' JD said that's not all the time. Howard asked if she thought he was Russian. Robin said she did think that he was from another country and English wasn't his first language.
Howard said Jon and JD talk for long periods of time. Jon said they do and it's things like this.
Robin said she thinks that this is arrogance on JD's part. she said that's he feeling she gets like Chris feels.
Jason said that he thinks JD uses his anxiety to be a dick. He said he doesn't like to be bothered by other people no matter what. He said he thinks that's from anxiety partially.
Howard said he has Jon and JD ''conversating'' on the phone right now. He picked up and the guys were playing clips from Jon's audio book and had JD hooting and laughing over him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks that both JD and Gary are tongue tied. She said she can diagnose them over the phone. She said Gary smacks his lips together a lot and he's conversating through his lips.
Howard said he can get to a couple of these packages they have but he has to take a break. He said Ronnie can tell them about the AVN awards roundup. He said they have a bunch of things to choose from. He said he'll let Robin pick. He ran down a list and said they can work through some of those packages. Robin said she would like that. Howard asked if they should start with Ronnie and the AVN awards. Robin said yes. Howard went to break before getting to that.
Howard came back and said he was thinking about that song by John Lennon ''Isolation'' with this COVID thing. He said maybe there's some wisdom in that song. He said lets take a listen to that. Howard played the song and went through the lyrics trying to find something. He said he's not sure they're going to learn anything there. He said it doesn't relate. He said he loves the song though.
Howard said Ralph wants to comment on JD and Jon Hein. He took his call and Ralph said he wondered about this the other day. He said Jon likes things that make him feel superior. He said that's why he likes JD. Howard said he doesn't buy that. He said how about this. He said he has talked to JD through email and he has a lot of interesting thoughts. Ralph said he's not an idiot but it is a weird pairing. Howard said he's very fascinated by the whole JD and Jon Hein friendship. He said he's not sure what it is exactly. He said he thought it might be because Jon never had a son. Robin said she was thinking that too. She said maybe they're missing something there. She said maybe JD is smarter than grey think he is. Howard said he thinks JD is smart and a deep thinker but he has trouble communicating.
Jon got on and said that he talks to Ralph and Gary all the time and it's not about feeling superior at all.
Ronnie said it worked for him. He said he and Stephanie watched it and they finished about 4:30 and he got up to get a drink. He said he turned around and Stephanie was standing there totally naked. He said she wanted to be taken and he threw her on the bed and did what he had to do. He said it was a great movie.
Howard said he walked in the kitchen and he was naked and Beth did what she had to do and went to sleep.
Howard said this is Ronnie's report on the AVN Awards. Ronnie said the show started with the In Memorium segment. He had clips for Howard to play. Howard played the In Memorium thing and they had serious music playing for names like Nicole Clitman and Candy Samples. Howard had to ask Ronnie not to laugh over the clip. He said he has to get control of the show again. Howard did his impression of what that it was like with the In Memorium thing. He was making up crazy names like Tom Yanks, Tom Splooge, Dick Peters, Jim Assfucker, Sarah Buttsmell, Al Pissonya and Jizz Carrey.
Howard said how sad. He said what a lineup that was. He said he can't believe they had an In Memorium. Howard had Fred play the sad music again and made up more names. He had Squirt Reynolds, Morgan Freeballs, Harrison Fuck and more. Fred made up some as Ronnie Puppet. He had Idris Elboner and Felch McCurdy, Cameron Dildos,
Howard asked Ronnie what else he has. Ronnie said they added back the Best Oral Sex category this year. He said had a clip of the woman who won accepting her award. Howard played the clip of Adriana Chechik accepting her award and thanking some people and her throat for being so relaxed.
Howard said you have to see these people. He said that woman must have been hot. Ronnie said she was smoking hot. He said this chick has a really hot face and eyes. He said she has lips you want to get 10 blow jobs from. He said she takes it in the ass too. JD said she was on the show once. Will said she told a story about how she fucked her foster father. Howard said he has done so many shows he doesn't even remember that.
Howard asked Ronnie if she was super hot. Ronnie said she was. He said this girl is so hot she shouldn't be in porn. He said she should be in some rich guy's bedroom just collecting money. Gary said that's much better. Ronnie said it is.
Ronnie said Emily Willis and Ramone Nomar won best anal. Howard said Ronnie has trouble reading these lines. Will Murray went off on him asking what his problem is. He said he's supposed to deliver this like he's known about it for a while. He said he can't even say In Memorium. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself and shove it up his ass if he doesn't like his delivery. Howard said he has the delivery of The Terminator.
Gary said Will is right about this. He said he took notes about the bit because he already listened to it. Ronnie said he's not a fucking announcer. He said you get him and this is it. He asked what the fuck their problem is. Robin said they do get some funny stuff out of this hearing Ronnie try to read. Howard asked why he doesn't have it committed to his head. He said he knows what they're going to play.
Ronnie went over the clip info again and had Howard play it. Howard played the clip and Emily was thanking Ramone for fucking her ass so good. Ronnie said that Ramone sounds like Andy Kaufman's Latka character. Howard said he did sound like him a little bit there.
Ronnie said that he has another clip of this Gianna Dior accepting an award. In the clip she thanked the people for hiring her and the people who fucked her to make her even more of a slut. Howard said this is Ronnie's kind of award show. Ronnie said he should be covering this shit. Howard said he knows he's bummed out being locked up in the house. Ronnie said he's doing okay. He said he goes in the back yard and out to the store when he has to.
Howard asked if he still goes to the bagel shop. Ronnie said he does occasionally. He said they have a whole plastic partition set up so you don't have any contact. He said they slide everything out of a slot. He said he will go when there is no one there. Howard said he hasn't used his car since March. Ronnie said he just went through a whole load of shit with that too. He said it's a whole city thing with the TLC. He said it was a whole bunch of shit renewing it. He said he had to go down to the place to get an inspection. He said he wasn't crazy about that. Howard asked if they're still doing that. Ronnie said they are. He said it's a lot better than it was because you have to make an appointment. He said they do it right away but you're still around a lot of people. Howard said we're doomed if they don't work that stuff out.
Robin said that she has a story about how some beauticians in California had COVID and they always wore masks with their clients and on one got sick. she said then they went into the break from with a coworker who didn't have it and she got sick. Howard asked why they'd take their masks off.
Howard asked if Ronnie has more tape. Ronnie said he has an example of Gianna's work. He said she won Best New Starlet. He said she's in Bang My Sister. He had the info wrong so JD corrected him. Gary asked if Ronnie even listened to this. Ronnie said he did. Will went off on him again for not getting it right. JD said he's glad Ronnie took this package.
Howard asked if this Gianna is hot. Ronnie said she's alright. Howard asked JD if she's hot. JD said yeah. He also told Howard that this guy bangs the girl's sister in this video. He said it's a step brother and sister thing. Gary said he just heard two people explain the clip and he still has no idea what happens. Howard played the clip. The girl eventually sucks the guy's dick.
Robin said the acting is so realistic in that clip. She asked if they read the script before they did it. Howard said this is the kind of porn he likes. He said this is the setup he likes. He said the girl is laying there naked in the heat and the guy comes home. He said they end up fucking.
Howard asked Ronnie Puppet if he likes that. Ronnie said she's like a real Cunt Winslett.
Howard asked if that's all Ronnie has. Ronnie said they have a list of people who won awards at the end of the show. JD said he loves that he sounds so nervous to talk now. Ronnie said he's just pissed at Will. Howard asked Will if he's satisfied with that. Will said you get what you get from Ronnie. He said he sounds like an idiot and they love it. Ronnie said he's a douche bag. Howard asked if he likes Will. Ronnie said he used to. He said not here on the show. He said he's cool to hang out with. He said he's angry but cool. He said he's very angry.
Howard said he feels like Will shattered Ronnie's confidence. Howard had Ronnie introduce the clip again. Ronnie did it and Will said that was alright. Will asked what Ronnie thought of the clip. Ronnie said he doesn't like that kind of stuff. will said they did say he could cut clips if he wanted to. Gary said Sal is laughing with a big grin and he's not saying a thing. Ronnie said he's used to that. He said he's not the one putting his cock into his ass. He said he sat there and grinned about that. He said that's real talent. Sal said at least he prepared. Ronnie said yeah, like Silly Putty. Sal said Ronnie shoves pool sticks up his ass. Ronnie said that's not even your penis. He said it's Play-Doh. Sal said so what. He said he's enjoying this.
Howard said he thinks they gave Ronnie a package to be ready with and he doesn't think he listened to it before. Ronnie said he did. He said he listened to it yesterday. He said this is a clip of the awards that they didn't give out on the air.
Will said grey have had this since January. Howard said Chris is upset that they gave it to Ronnie and he wasn't able to be part of this. Chris said he and some other guys get to pitch this stuff and to have him come on and fumfer through it is kind of upsetting. Ronnie said Chris just wants to get air time. He said there was no reason for him to be on earlier and no reason for him to be on now.
Chris said he could have gotten into more stuff with JD earlier. He said he also thinks that he won't respond to anyone on social media unless they're famous. He said he didn't get to bring that up earlier.
Ronnie and Chris went at each other about the air time thing. Chris said that Ronnie puts more up his ass than he does. Howard said he doesn't understand what's going on. Chris said he didn't have a billboard in Vegas. He said Ronnie is supposed to be a limo driver. He said he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Howard said they both enjoy ass play.
Howard said this was supposed to be a celebration of the porn awards. He asked JD if it's true that he only responds to celebrities on social media. JD said he doesn't respond to a lot of people. Chris said that's because a lot of people don't have blue check marks. JD said he's sorry he's not Ralph and starts a big thread with him. He said he doesn't have long discussions on social media. Chris said not with regular people for sure. JD said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said Mike Fox was telling him that Ronnie and Chris used to flirt a lot on Zoom abut something happened. Ronnie said this is another guy who just wants to get on air.
Howard asked Mike what he has to say. Mike said he won't let him talk. Ronnie interrupted him within seconds. Mike said he thinks that Ronnie is really angry with this quarantine. He said that everyone is getting shit from him. He said he seems to be on edge. Ronnie said Mike attacked John Blitt on zoom the other day. Mike said this is deflection. He said he has some issues with that guy but this is about Ronnie.
Mike said he just feels like this quarantine Ronnie is getting really angry. He said he's just noticing things.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie has to deliver all packages from now on. Gary said the Friday Happy Hours have devolved into a sausage party. He said no females will come anywhere near them. He said recently they were all talking about jerking off and grey were wondering if they were all going to get off the call and jerk off. He said it was getting really descriptive.
Howard asked if that's really the place to talk about that. Ronnie said it wasn't the only one. He said don't pin it on him.
Mike said that Gary was on from the beach and he had to cut them off about 4 times. Gary said he had to shut it off because of Mary. He said that he didn't want her to have to hear that. He said the other people were like 30 feet away.
Ronnie said that Mike started a whole thing with Blitt about how much he hates him. Mike said he doesn't care for him so he let him know. Howard asked what kind of Happy Hour this is.
Chris said that Ronnie was telling them that when he was a younger man he used to squirt his cum on the wall. Ronnie said that was a couple of weeks ago. He said that's not what they were talking about in front of Mary. Howard asked why he would cum on his wall. Ronnie said that's where it shot. He said it shot over his head. Mike said he has a technique that he wants to try. He asked Ronnie to talk about that. Ronnie said he can go ask John Blitt about it.
Howard asked Ronnie what he did to shoot it over his head. Ronnie said you're laying in bed and you're flat on your back. He said you have your head on the pillow. He said the wall is behind you. He said when he blew his load it shot over his head and hit the wall. Howard said his cock is like a shotgun. He asked why he's mad at Mike for bringing it up. Ronnie said he wasn't supposed to be in this conversation at all.
Mike said they were all talking about masturbation and he had this sex tip that he was kind of interested in. He said he had this story tat was like a sex tip. Gary said he knows what he's talking about. He said it was a three finger technique. Ronnie explained what that was. He showed Howard what he does. He said there's a vein in there in this spot that he's showing. He was using a pen to show how he does it. Chris said he has a really small cock. Howard said it's a perfect representation for his cock.
Howard asked if they should talk to Ralph or have they had enough. Robin asked what he has to add to this. Howard took the call and Ralph said he was going to talk about Ronnie. He said he's the greatest. He said he knows how hard these guys work and then they hand this off to Ronnie who can't read anything. He asked how that happened. Howard said the guys told him to prepare and this is how he prepared.
Ralph said there's so much talk about cock and cum on that happy hour. Gary said there's one guy on the staff who takes an hour to finish when he masturbates. He said that's one thing he didn't need to know about that staffer. Ralph said he was done in about 3 minutes last night. Howard hung up on Ralph saying that was enough of him.
Robin said the women in the staff must have gone off and started their own Zoom call. Howard said he might have to check this whole thing out. He said it sounds crazy. He said it sounds like the Happy Hour gets smaller and smaller. Gary said there are about 5 guys who are regulars. He said it's Ronnie, the board op for the Wrap Up Show and some others. He said it seems like it's mostly single guys. Ronnie said it's Gary too. Gary said he does go in there too. He said he'll go on at 5 and no one is on. He said then Mike shows up and another guy will show up. He said then he'll go back on at 7 and they're still there. Chris said it went until 2 am on Friday. Mike said they played poker that night. Chris said it's very gay too.
Gary asked what went on Friday. He said he heard them all talking about cocks. Chris said he showed up around 6 and he got the party started.
Ronnie said he didn't play that clip yet. Howard had him talk it up again. Ronnie set it up and Will said it's very funny. Howard played the clip and they ran down some of the awards they didn't get to on air. They had awards for a bunch of various categories like Best Blow Bang and things like that. Howard asked why grey don't get those on air. Ronnie had no idea. Ronnie told Chris to explain it since he wanted to do the package. Chris said he's too gay to figure it out. He said there weren't enough cocks in it so Ronnie had to do it. Howard said Chris could have done it.
Ronnie was all upset that Mike was on. He asked if he went through the proper channels to get on. Gary said he didn't. Mike said he thought he was calling for him so he got on. Howard said he'd like to see an award for saddest blow job. He said maybe Best Supporting Prolapsed Anus. Gary said he saw the saddest blow job. He said it was the chick who tried to blow Jeff the Drunk and quit the business a week later.
Howard took a call from The Hulk who said he wants air time and he's better than Ronnie. Howard said some of the guys want to get on and they think they could do it better than Ronnie. Hulk kept pitching to do that job and said he does his homework. He said he would have learned how to do it.
Howard thanked Hulk for the call and thanked the staff for coming on today. He got in a plug for Boll & Branch who sponsored the show today.
Howard said he enjoyed Ronnie's package today. He said he thinks that after you shoot your load on a wall you want to get into comfortable sheets. He said then you want to relax. Ronnie said you have to clean up first though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes the Ronnie Puppet lines. He mentioned one that Fred did today. Robin said Ronnie Puppet is still wearing a suit to work. Ronnie Puppet said he's a professional unlike that cunt Mike Fox.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that this is Ronnie's territory so he should be doing it. She said he's a team player and give the guy a break. She said Mike and Chris are getting on her last nerve.
Howard said they had a fun show today. He said he might have to get on that Happy Hour thing. Mike said they would be respectful if he came. Howard thanked the guys for the package today. He said have a good day to everyone. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started the show wondering if they just finished the show. He said that was yesterday and now he's in his basement again. Robin asked if he's ever down there. Howard said he never really uses it. He said they have stuff for entertaining there but they hardly entertain. He said he and Beth designed the house when they bought it and they wanted to entertain down there. He said they never have anyone down there. He said he was walking around down there yesterday trying to fix something. He said it's a big waste of space. He said they never use it and don't invite anyone over. He said once or twice a year they'd have people over. He said it's too much of a hassle to use it. He said they don't use it. He said it's like an amusement park down there.
Robin said she walks around her house thinking about having parties there and she doesn't think she'll ever have one there. Howard said they're the same. He said even when his kids come over they ask to go downstairs but he puts it off and they never do.
Howard said his basement is like Michael Jackson's house and set up for kids. He said he's not into hanging out with little boys though so he never uses it.
Howard said the architect who designed the house loved entertaining. He said the living room was built around a bar and a friend came over and he said they must love to drink. He said he doesn't drink and they don't drink. He said the friend pointed out that they'd be staring at a bar if they kept building it the way it was going. He said they stopped the building and changed the design. He said they were starting from scratch and they had to change everything. He said the architect loved to entertain but they don't. He said they have a bar in the living room but it's very small. He said they have a nice fireplace instead. He said now they sit in there with the cats every night. He said it's their favorite thing in the house.
Howard said you think you're making decisions of sound mind and then he realized it wasn't his dream at all. He said he noticed with himself he's like a little boy. He said he doesn't want to do the hard work. He said he kind of gives up on things. He said he leaves it up to other people. Robin said that's terrible when it's the place you live.
Howard said he's not sure why he does that because it doesn't make sense. He said it's like he doesn't trust his own opinion. He said he hates to blame his mother but she used to tell him how to think. He said he was used to someone making decisions for him. He said he'd call home asking her for advice and she'd tell him. He said he would call telling her that he had to go to court over people not letting him live in a building and she'd tell him not to bother. He said he'd go with whatever she said.
Robin said now he can enjoy the house he has. Howard said it was almost too late. Robin said you want to walk through the house thinking you like something. Howard said he almost had a professional saloon. Robin said they would have to hire a bartender like Woody Harrelson to serve beer. Howard said he shudders when he thinks about the gigantic bar they would have had in there. He said they would be staring at that bar right now if they had gone that way. Howard said he would be living in Cheers if he had gone that way. He said if you're into alcohol it would be great. He said it would have been beautiful.
Howard said when he woke up and realized he was doing that he realized the ceilings were all wrong. He said it had nothing to do with the way he wanted to live. He said the master bedroom was way off in a corner. He said then he had a gym put in and he made it into an office. He said he never uses a gym. He said he had a nice view out of this room so he had to change it into an office.
Robin said people see photos in magazines and everyone seems to have the same thing in their home. She said they want a big gym. Howard said if he was The Rock he would want a gym. He said if he was Arnold Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno he'd want a nice gym. Howard said his house should be designed around a television and not a gym.
Howard said they have a morning meeting and Gary loves to talk. He said it's over Zoom and he always interrupts and people give up on talking. He said Gary has thoughts though.
Sour Gary went into his rambling Gary impression and ended up talking about old TV shows like Night Court. Robin asked how Sour has his piano in his pool. Howard said he floats around with it.
Howard asked if Sour is working. Sour said he works 3 days a week. He said hit's just drive thru. Howard asked if he does burgers or fries. Sour said he does fries, pies and chicken nuggets. He said he's making biscuits now too. He said that's a promotion. Howard said he's responsible for biscuits, fries and what. Sour said it's FPC, fries, pies and chicken nuggets. Howard said that's almost the entire menu. Howard asked if biscuits are hard to make. Sour said it's a little harder. He said you get to make them for a couple of hours. He said it takes a couple of hours to make them.
Howard said he always thought they premake everything and they have to heat it up. He said it sounds like Sour has to make this stuff. Sour said they deliver the flour and you take the eggs and mix the batter. He said you do that for an hour or two. He said he used to work at Roy Rogers but now it's a McDonald's. He said they're going to be closed from August until October to remodel.
Howard asked what happened to Roy Rogers. Sour said he's not sure. He said it was limited to interstates and they took away the regular brick and mortar restaurants. He said it's very odd. Howard said he was a fan of fast food at one time in his life and he loved Roy Rogers burgers. He said they made a great burger, fries and shake. He said he used to have one every day. He said it was great.
Sour said his manager has gone to McDonald's now but Roy Rogers had a huge menu. He said if he was on the fries he would call him Thing because he only saw his hand. Howard said that's great. He said now they shove him in the biscuit room. He said it sounds like he has a lot of responsibility. Sour said he's making $15 an hour there now. He said that's a lot for fast food. He said he's making $350 a week now. Howard said look at him contributing.
Howard asked what his parents make him pay for. Sour said about 200 a month. He said groceries too. He said he pays for the pool stuff like chlorine and shock tablets. Howard asked if he has any savings. Sour said he has about $2000. Robin said he must wants to save up for a house of his own. Howard said maybe take that 2 grand and invest it to watch it grow.
Sour did his Jackie the Joke Man impression and told a bunch of Coronavirus jokes and things like that. Sour had Howard and Robin laughing at the jokes. Howard said he sees Jackie is at the top of his game. Sour Jackie kept the jokes going and Howard went along with it for a few minutes. Sour Jackie said he's on the jetty right now. He said when the boats get sick they go to the Dock.
Sour went into his Gary impression again and started splashing around in the water. Sour was going back and forth between Gary and Jackie. He had Howard cracking up. Sour Gary said the pool is filled with Jackie's tears. Howard said he sounds like he's on fire with the jokes over there. Sour Jackie told more jokes.
Howard said he always said no one was a better audience for Jackie than Jackie himself. Sour Jackie kept going and cracked himself up like real Jackie used to. Howard said it's almost like he's never heard his own jokes before. Sour Jackie said he discovered a joke book he gave to Rodney Dangerfield. Sour went into his Rodney impression telling some jokes.
Sour went into his Gary impression again and cleared his throat like real Gary. Sour Gary was talking about TV again and going back and making references to old shows.
Howard asked Sour Jackie for one more joke. Sour did his impression and broke into his Gary impression. Sour Gary said they could have the guests stay in Howard's house so he could interview them in his basement. Sour Jackie came back and laughed and told a joke out of one of his joke books. He got in some plugs for his joke books and other stuff. Sour Jackie was rambling and Howard said maybe they went on too far. Sour Gary said he thinks they have.
Howard said Sour is so entertaining. He said he's tried to give him a job there and it never works out. He said he just wants to work at the fast food place. Sour said he's probably offered him a job noine different times. He said he was in on March 9th and he had him in the room next door. Howard said he told him he could make a good living in comedy. He said he wanted to take him under his wing and have him there. He said he was going to get him set up and get him a career. He said people will write in asking him to get him a job but he's tried and it doesn't work. Howard asked what happens. Sour said he thinks that maybe he likes it every once in a while and maybe not every day. Robin asked if it's Howard and not Sour. Howard said the relationship is fine. He said he takes what he can get from Sour. He said he loves hearing from him.
Howard said they put Sour up in a hotel there next to the offices. He said every morning they had notes taped to his door because he was playing piano all night. He said it was difficult even doing that. Sour said he was practicing for the show. He said he had a whole setup in the room. Sour said that week he was on one day and then the rest of the shows were canceled.
Howard said he heard Sour wears clown masks to work instead of traditional masks. Robin asked if the mouths are covered. Sour said they are. He said it gets so hot under there. He said it's hotter than the attic up there. Howard said trying to hire him is like trying to hire the Joker.
Sour asked if he could be there every day if they get back to normal. Howard said he'd like to but he's not sure where they'd put him. Sour Gary told Howard how they had him set up there and how well it worked. He said they might want to try that.
Howard said it was good to talk to him. He asked if he can stay on hold. Howard said sure. Sour wished Robin a happy birthday. He also asked how Beth and his dad's birthdays were. Howard said they were good.
Howard said he has to say goodbye to Sour Gary. Sour Gary started rambling like Gary. He said goodbye to Sour Jackie too. He told another joke and then Sour Gary came back and started asking questions. Howard said there's not a topic Gary won't talk about. He said he feels like he'd be an expert on anything he asks about. Howard tested him by asking him about Mike Tyson going back to boxing at 54 years old. Sour Gary talked about things that were happening on the show back in 1989. Howard said it's amazing he can talk about any topic.
Howard asked Sour Gary to talk about underwater welding and he started going into some stuff. Howard said he'll put him back on hold now. He did that and took a break.
Howard came back and sang along with that Jewel song. He said he loves that voice. He said what a woman. He said he imagines in bed she makes that noise.
Howard said he has so many things to get to. He took a call first. The caller, Dave, said he knows he's said on the show that his father was his great influence on his career but who has been an influence in his personal life that has made the show progress. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for that. He said he has to think about that. Howard said he thinks it's himself. He said it's definitely not Fred.
Howard said when he used to watch his father talk about politics and stuff he had a way to deliver a story. He said he had a take on things that influenced him. He said he kind of channels his father. He said not so much anymore. He said Soupy Sales was an influence. MAD Magazine influenced his humor too. He said now he just does his thing. He said he doesn't have an inspiration now really. He said he has learned things from many people over the years. He said he has learned from the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is one. He said he learned about Transcendental Meditation. He music gets his mind going too. He said Foo Fighters and The Beatles are some that come to mind.
Howard said there are many people who he likes like Jim Carrey. Robin mentioned his name. Howard said Colin Jost's book too. He said that Jim and Colin's books inspired him. He said that Jim's book was so brilliant. He said Steve Martin's book too.
Howard said he and Kidd Chris were talking about the movie Comedian with Jerry Seinfeld. He said that was something he went back and watched. He said he could not stop watching it. He said it was so fucking awesome. He said Jerry takes you through what it's like to be in the business. He said he had done a special and he needed new material. He said he went out and started from scratch. He said that he takes you through all of that. He said by the end of the documentary he has a full set ready to go. He said he wishes that movie had been 17 hours long. He said he bets he took out a lot of material. He said he would watch the uncut version of that. He said it reminded him of the struggle. He said he had days when he would wake up and have nothing. He said there's something that just pushes you. He said it's like cramming for an exam or something. The caller said the struggle is part of the success. Howard said no one who is successful doesn't struggle. He said you have to put in a lot of energy to make it. He said he's sure Sour Shoes had to put in a lot of work to get where he is at McDonald's.
Howard said Sour Shoes is amazing. The caller said he loves Sour on the show. He said he'd love to have him in there more. He said he's so fast. Howard said he's amazing. He said they have tried to get him on regularly but it's hard.
Dave asked if Beth has been an influence on him changing the way he does the show by not using certain words and things. Howard said of course. He said that they live together so that person can affect you. Howard said Beth will say to him that he needs to go call a person because it would be nice to do. He said she tells him how to be a human being. He said it's very helpful to him. He said that's enough of Dave's questions. He let him go after that.
Howard said there are a lot of things that inspire him. He said there are so many people that inspire him with painting and there's some terrific work out there.
Howard took a call from a guy and Fred kept playing the ''Hey now'' clip with him and he'd respond. Howard had to move it along after a few of those.
The caller said that the Pentagon was going to reveal that they had some material that was ''not of this world'' and he wonders what his take is on that. Howard said he read that article. He said that they have been thinking of releasing some of that information that they keep secret. Howard said they say they have a piece of material that is not of this earth. Howard said of course there is material like that. He said we're floating around in space on a ball that floats around the sun. He said we're in space right now. He said we don't even understand how this works. He said we're in space! Robin said we don't even know how we got here.
Howard said sometimes he's watching step mom porn and then he realizes they're floating around in space. He said of course we have things not of this earth. Howard said he was thinking about how amazing it is that we have this thing called a cat. He said it's a miracle that this animal exists. He said he's petting the cat and thinking about it being a miracle. He said people are bored with everything so they have to think that there are other things out there. He said the problem with people is that they're never satisfied. He said they want more. He said they want to believe that there is more life on another planet. He said it doesn't exist. He said he saw tapes of the UFOs and you can never see it. He said it's just crumbs on your pants. He said they say that it's not moving. He said it's either some sort of reflection or maybe it's a bird or something from China or Russia that's being used to spy on us. He said it's undignified but that doesn't mean it's from another planet.
Howard said there are no UFOs and we're here alone. He said we're a miracle. He said this is an accident that happened. He said it's no secret. He said now they have a telescope that can see a planet going around a star like ours but they found out that it's freezing out there and there's nothing there. Robin said she's not sure why they're going to Mars. She said they know there's nothing there already. Robin said you can't go outside on Mars. She said you have to be in a space suit. Howard said these dummies think they want to go there but they wouldn't last a day there. Robin said they won't even wear a mask.
Howard said he was just telling people that she makes him human. He said she tells him to call some people. Beth said she has another one that he should check in with. She said she thinks it's his turn to do that. Howard said he knows who she means. Howard said she makes him human in many ways. He said they can't wait to get into bed at night to watch this show Love Life with Anna Kendrick. He said it's the best. He said it's on HBO Max. He said the show is about a woman trying to find love. He said they love that kind of thing. Beth said they love romance.
Howard said he was telling Robin about something the other day. He said he wanted to talk to Beth about something. Beth said it was the pizza that the Fallons sent over. Howard said he doesn't understand something about that story. He said they're doing everything right about keeping their distance from everyone. He said that they don't know who could have coughed on the boxes or anything. He said Beth puts everything in the garage for a couple of days but not the pizza. Beth said it was so good. Howard said she threw out all the rules for that. He said they don't know that the Fallons aren't trying to kill them. He said if she throws out the rules then it could get to him. Beth said he was so mad at her.
Howard said Beth ate a piece and she was like ''Mmmm.'' Beth said he could have microwaved it. Howard said he didn't trust it. He said he wanted nothing to do with it. Beth said he was proving a point. Howard said it's like someone sending him a thank you note in the mail. He said he doesn't want a piece of paper. Robin said she got an invitation in the mail. Howard said he doesn't want to deal with that. He said he's trying to stay healthy during this thing. Robin said they say that getting it from the surface of something is very remote. Beth said hat's where her mind was when she ate that pizza.
Howard said Beth thinks he's very hunched over lately. Beth said she asks him to sand up straight. She said her brother is able to do it at 6'7'' so he should. Howard said he was never an athlete like her brother. Howard said he's so used to banging his head on things that he hunches over. Beth said he walks like his dad all hunched over. Howard said oh shit.
Howard said he saw this thing online that makes you stand up straight. Beth said it's a harness that makes you stand up straight. Howard said he told Beth he was going to get it but he felt like it would be like wearing a bra. Beth said she got a variety of them. Howard said it's not like wearing a bra, it is wearing a bra. He said he wanted to kill himself wearing this thing. He said it's so annoying and it's pulling on you all the time. He said it was horrible. Robin said if he walked around in it a while he might get used to it.
Beth said Howard's hair looks really good. Hard said he used half a bottle of gel in it. He said it does look pretty good. Howard said Beth looks so good too. She said please don't use any of this video today.
Howard said Robin just noticed the necklace he has. He said he explained to her that when they bang he has to do her hard and the necklace would hit her in the face. He said it would hit her chin and teeth. He said he told the story about how he loves that necklace so much that he won't take it off. He said she loves it. He said she just takes it. Beth said it hurts. She said sometimes she will take it and put it behind his back. She said he's so into it that he doesn't notice it. Howard said that he had a helmet built for her so she won't get hit.
Howard said when Beth was a basketball player in high school she had her front teeth knocked out. He said her father jammed them back in and they took. Beth said she went back into the game too. She said they lost by so much because they were terrible. She said she had a bloody nose too and they shoved a tampon up there. She said her teeth were held in by her tongue and her nose was filled with a tampon.
Howard said they're doing well in quarantine. He said that's as long as they have that show Love Life. Howard said they have to get Kissing Booth 3.
Howard said they love all of these shows. He said they're watching Housewives and other things. Beth said they're watching Virgin River too. Howard said her whole family loves watching sports but this is what she has now and she loves it. Beth said she loves their life. Howard said they're doing well even being isolated. He said it's the two of them alone in the house for 4 months. Beth said the only time he was annoyed at her was when she was eating pizza. She said she thinks she would do that again.
Howard said she must think it's okay because it's celebrity pizza. Beth said if their friend Jill sent it over she'd eat that too. Howard said Beth threatened him the other day saying she wasn't going to wear bikinis anymore. He said she's getting to a certain age. Howard asked why he has to suffer. Beth said there are some nice one pieces. Howard said he'll tell her when to stop wearing a bikini. He said he loves her in them. He said age isn't a big deal.
Beth is in a Social Life magazine and she said that one of Howard's paintings is in there too. Howard said he finished one that he thought was good enough. Beth said that he does amazing ones of the cats too. Howard said he's very turned on right now. He said she's going to get a treat tonight. Beth said she can't wait. She said she'll wear a mouth guard.
Howard said Ronnie told him yesterday that he was watching that movie 365 Days. Beth said that movie is terrible. Howard said she loved it. He said it's where this Mafia guy kidnaps a woman to make her fall in love with him. He said Ronnie said when he watched it with Stephanie he went into the kitchen and Stephanie came in fully naked. Beth said that's hot. Howard said he likes that. He said that he'd love for that to happen to him. Howard said Beth won't even walk around and show her body to him. He said she covers up even though he's seen her ass. Beth said she was bent over and naked in the bathroom and he walked in on her. Howard said he loved that. Beth said she wanted to die. She said she's red right now.
Howard said she looks so good. Beth asked if he saw everything. Howard said he did. He said he saw it all but he loves it. He said he was walking in to put away his laundry.
Howard said he loved the story Ronnie told. He said that he asked Stephanie what this was all about. He said he's a little slow on the uptake. He said if she's naked in the kitchen you know what's going to happen. Beth said she'll never be naked in their kitchen. Howard said he wants to know what Ronnie means when he asks what this is all about. Howard said Beth is so tan. He asked if she worries about cancer. Beth said she must not.
Howard said Ronnie is very tan too. He said he's really red. Howard had Ronnie on camera so he talked to him about the Stephanie thing. Ronnie had a bunch of NASCAR stuff up on his walls so Beth asked what that's all about. Ronnie told her what all of that stuff was.
Ronnie said he walked into the kitchen to get a drink and Stephanie talked in naked. He said it took him by surprise. He said he knew what was going no and he didn't hesitate. He said she must have been all charged up from that movie. He said he was too.
Ronnie said Beth looks great so don't even think about it. Howard said she looks good in her glasses too.
Ronnie said they walk around naked in the house all the time. Howard asked if he really does. Ronnie said they do. Howard asked if he's afraid he'll turn her off at his age. Howard said he's not the most attractive guy and he'd be afraid of turning Beth off. He said he keeps sheets around him when he walks around. Ronnie said they sleep naked and walk around naked. He said they'll walk around naked in the morning when they get up. He said it's not all the time. He said he loves when Stephanie is naked. He said she has a great butt. Howard said Beth could do that too. He said there's nothing to be ashamed of there.
Ronnie said he'll be naked before getting in the shower and Stephanie will smack his ass and say there's my sexy man. He said he doesn't believe anything she says about him looking good. Howard spent a minute talking to Ronnie Puppet. He said he has to take a break and get to a bunch of things. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he sees Robin's set up and she doesn't have a chair on wheels. He said he's not sure he likes that. Robin said she likes the chair and it doesn't have wheels on it. Howard said she has to get one with wheels on it. He said she has a cushion too. Robin said the chair can be kind of hard. Howard said it's like memory foam.
Howard said he was reading the fan feedback. He said people liked the Bigfoot update yesterday. Howard read through some of that feedback about Bigfoot. He had some feedback about how Bigfoot isn't the only odd one up in Vermont. Someone told him about family members who are odd like that.
Howard said they played a fun game with Bigfoot. He said they played these songs for him and asked him to name the song. He said they would play songs with the title in the lyrics. Howard said this is the first song. It was Tom Petty's ''Free Fallin'.'' Robin said you'd think he could get that. Howard played Bigfoot's answer. Bigfoot said it was free ''something'' but he didn't know.
Howard said this game is very complex. He asked if Robin likes this game. Robin said they have to see how it goes. Howard played another song which was Michael Jackson's ''Billy Jean'' and asked if Robin thinks Bigfoot will get that one. Robin said no. Howard played Bigfoot's answer and he said it was Billy Ellen.
Howard said he has one more. He played a clip of the song The Beatles ''Yellow Submarine.'' Robin said he has to get that one. Howard played Bigfoot's answer which was That's the one about the ''yeddow submarine.'' He said he sang that one in prison.
Howard said he has to know this one. He played ''Hotel California.'' Robin said no way. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot did know that one. He even knew it was The Eagles.
Howard said he has to know this one. He played ''Dream On.'' Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said ''Freebird.''
Howard played another one which was the song ''Stayin' Alive.'' He asked if he'll know that one. Robin said no way. She said he'll say Freebird or something. Howard played Bigfoot's answer which was that disco song ''Footloose.''
Howard said he has one more. He played the song which was Johnny Cash's ''Ring of Fire.'' Robin said he'll know that one. Bigfoot did know that one. He said mother used to play that one all the time.
Howard got back to fan feedback and read some comments about Ronnie coming on with that package yesterday. Howard said Will was upset with Ronnie for not even being able to say ''In Memorium.'' Howard read some comments about that whole thing. there were people who were happy that Will was upset with him and some who weren't.
Howard asked Ronnie if he accepts what Will said yesterday. Ronnie said possibly. He said with him it's what you get. He said you know what you're going to get with him on the air. Ronnie Puppet had a few things to say about that too. He was doing the segment and asking Howard to play clips from the AVN Awards.
Howard said the guys told him the staff happy hour devolves into cock talk a lot. He said he has some audio of Ronnie talking about how he masturbates in a Happy Hour. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was talking about the three finger method and how he has shot his load on the wall.
Howard said he can't believe the female cast don't want to be part of that happy hour. He said this is what they talk about. Robin said Ronnie was talking about how he didn't have the jizz power he used to have. She asked if he has hit his own face. Ronnie said he has. He said that was also a long time ago. He said he'd hit the wall or the headboard on his bed. He said he taught Stephanie how to do it to him now and it works pretty good. He said it still hits the middle of his chest. He said that's not bad at his age.
Howard thanked the guys for that update. He said the fans also wrote in about JD. He said he's been bringing a lot of joy to the fans. He read some feedback about JD and someone wrote in about how it brought joy to them even though he was putting his dog down that day.
Howard said that was quite something yesterday listening to JD. Robin said the discussion about JD thinking your brain might survive when your body dies. Howard said that was interesting. He said we don't have proof the brain dies after the body does. JD said he doesn't think that lasts forever. He said he does think about how long you lay there knowing you're just laying there. Robin asked how the brain stays alive without the heart pumping. JD said he thought just because the heart stops the brain doesn't die right away. He said there are still electrical surges going on up there. He said you're not dead until your brain is dead. Robin said they have machines to measure that. JD said machines can only do so much. Robin said JD thinks that he's going to have brain activity that won't show up on an EKG. JD said you don't know. Howard played a bit where they had JD talking about all of that stuff.
JD said he saw the movie ''Howling 2'' and this woman gets put away in a coffin and she is seen screaming from inside it. Robin asked if he's part Werewolf. JD said no but that image is stuck in his head.
Howard said he once saw a movie called Beetlejuice and he thinks that you just get to hang out in your own house. He said just watch different movies to get different ideas for what the afterlife can be. JD Puppet got on and talked about the things he wants in his afterlife.
Howard read more feedback about JD and had a lot of comments about him. He said someone called him a Stern Show all star. Someone asked for a JD and Jon Hein podcast. Howard said a lot of people are excited about JD. He said he has to take a break and get to Seth Rogen soon. He said he got to see his new movie finally. He said he has to talk to him about how he changed JD's life with the weed smoking. He said they have a lot to talk about. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he wonders how he's doing during this whole quarantine. Robin said she thinks he's very social. She said he has a lot of dinner parties from what she's heard.
Hard said he thinks that Seth Rogen must be doing okay. He said he has a wife but no kids. He said he's probably hanging out and just writing movies. Robin said this is probably normal for him. Howard said he follows him on Instagram and he's always making pottery. He said he's really good at it now. He said he was making wonky ashtrays and they were for weed. He said he wanted somewhere to put his joint down and not fall into the ashes. He said now he's good at it and he's making ashtrays and other things. Robin said ashtrays used to be a big interior design thing. she said he must miss that.
Howard asked if Seth is ready. Gary said he is. Howard asked how he's doing. Seth asked what's up. Howard said he was just talking about his Instagram and his making ceramics thing. He said that's his whole life now. Howard said he thought it started out as a goof. He said he needed an ashtray that held his joint and he invented his own ashtray. Seth said he's trying to breathe new life into big ashtray. Howard said he's become like an artisan. He said he's pretty good at it. Seth showed off one of his pieces. Robin said wow. She said she was impressed. Howard said that's very unusual design. He asked how he develops that. Seth said he just did it. He said he realized it came from interacting with ashtrays quite a bit. He said he wishes that the ash didn't blow around and things like that. He said he would like it to hold a joint perfectly. Robin said she likes that you don't have to look at the ashes. Seth said they're at the bottom.
Howard said he's gotten quite good at it. He asked if he's selling any. Seth said he has given some away to friends but he has not sold them yet. He said maybe some day he will. Robin asked if he feels good about his progress. Seth said he does. Howard said they don't look imperfect now. He said they look professional now.
Howard said Seth was complaining that he wasn't able to get the clay he needed. Seth said he had to get it illegally. He said he had to get a backdoor clay purchase from a pottery store. He said it wasn't open at the time but they opened to sell clay to some people. He said it was sold out of the back of the store. He said it felt illicit for wet dirt.
Howard asked if he has patented the design for the ashtray. He said it's very unique. He said it seems like something you'd want to do that with. Seth said that he has looked into it. He said that there are pants for things simpler than that. He said they have looked into it. Howard said he was a smoker when he was young and he loved his big ashtray. He said it had cutouts along the rim for the cigarette. He said what Seth has done is put a lip that holds the joint. Seth said it's a little bed for the joint. He said he must have smoked a lot of weed to come up with that.
Howard asked if his wife gets on him about smoking so much weed. Seth said not at all. He said she smokes as much as he does. He said she didn't smoke that much when they got together but now she smokes weed all the time. He said that's one of their biggest conflicts now. He said she'll steal a joint from him during quarantine. Howard said it must be great that it's an essential service during quarantine. Seth said it shows how far weed has come. He said it shows how silly it is that it's still illegal in some states.
Howard said since Seth was on in L.A. last year JD has started smoking more weed. He said JD is doing edibles and smoking on a regular basis. He said Seth really got him into it. He said he wanted to smoke a joint with him on Zoom but it's illegal to do that in New York. He said he can't do that. He said Seth can smoke but JD can't. Seth said he has smoked a lot of weed on Zoom. Howard asked if he's smoking it now. Seth said he is not. He said it's 6:05am so he hasn't started yet. He said he's just getting through his morning coffee. Howard said that cup looks like something he made in pottery class. Seth said his wife made that one actually.
Howard said he's shocked that he takes 20 minutes to get into smoking. Seth said it's not like that every day. He said he's on a national promotional thing though.
Howard asked what else Seth is making. Seth said he's making vases and things like that. He asked if Howard wants a palate. Howard said he would love that. He said he wants one made the right weight and with the right handle. He said he had to find someone to make one for him. He said they made it for him. He said he had to outsource it. Seth said he would have given it a try. Howard said he's sure he would have but he wasn't doing that kind of stuff at the time.
Howard said he thinks Seth is one of the most chill guys he's ever met. He said he would imagine that at home during quarantine that it's a no effort for him. He said he doesn't need people and he can write movies and things. He said he doesn't think they have kids. Seth said they do not. Howard said he thinks he might be having a party. Seth said he feels fortunate. He said compared to his friends with kids it's much easier. He said he has friends who can't work from home. He said he knows people who have lost their jobs and had to move out of Los Angeles. He said he has nothing to complain about. He said the world is crazy out there but it makes it easier for him to lock himself up in the house.
Howard asked if that's his pottery room. Seth said that's his writing room. He said his pottery is out in the garage. Howard asked if he ever does the Ghost thing with his wife. Seth said they have kind of done that. He said the only pottery references that people have are Ghost and him. He said that must be a good thing. He said it is funny that it was the only time pottery was famous.
Howard said he thinks that Seth was attracted to this new movie because he admires people who work with their hands. He said in the movie he plays a Polish Jew who is a grave digger. Seth said he's just a digger in general. Howard said he loves how his shovel breaks every time he's digging. Seth said their ancestors had to work with their hands. He said he is successful now but he'd be a failure in many ways to them. He said he was wondering what it would be like if his grandfather was around. He said he just tolerated him at the time. He said if they were the same age he's sure they wouldn't get along. He said he thinks that's where the idea for the movie came from.
Howard said in the movie he players a guy who has to kill mice in a pickle factory. He said the mice chase him into the pickle vat and the mice win and get him in there. He said it reminded him of that movie Ben when the mice created an army. He said that's what happens to Seth and he gets picked and wakes up 100 years later. He said the guy meets his great, great grandson.
Howard said in the movie the grandfather is amazed that they have access to sparkling water. Seth said that's what his grandparents were like. He said they weren't impressed he was in movies but they were shocked he had a closet full of paper towels. Howard said imagine being someone like that from 100 years ago and getting some seltzer.
Howard said he thinks it's weird that a lot of Jews are ashamed of being Jewish but this movie is very Jewish. He said it's two very Jewish characters. Seth said it might be the most Jewish characters in a movie ever. He said it's about being Jewish and being inseparable from it. He said it's a lot of themes that he has thought about in his life.
Howard said he loves that he talks about the Cossacks. He said his father used to talk about them. He said he was obsessed with them. He said that the Jews were being wiped out by them and he was obsessed. Seth said he was afraid of them too. He said that's why they portrayed them in the movie.
Howard said this movie is crazy. He said it's a crazy, fucking wild movie. He said he was impressed with his acting too. He said it's like the Parent Trap movie that Lindsay Lohan did as a kid. He said Seth is the whole movie. He said he plays both guys. He said he has an accent as a Polish immigrant. He said he didn't over do it. He asked how he got that down. Seth said he listened to some Eastern European accents from the turn of the century. Howard asked if he worked with a coach. Seth said he did. He said it's somewhat of a fictional accent. He said it just had to sound right coming out of his mouth. Seth said it took him years to decide to play both characters. He said he had to think about doing the accent too. He said he thought it was a good idea that he is his ancestor whether you like it or not. He said this person might look just like you and you see these things that are a part of you.
Howard said this was based on a short story and these guys come to him with this idea about the pickle barrel. He asked if he thought it was a dumb idea at first or brilliant. Seth said he's happy to trash everything up with a dumb idea.
Howard said Seth made that movie about North Korea that was not allowed in theaters and now this movie can't go in theaters because of COVID-19. He asked how it's being released. Seth said it's on HBO Max. Howard asked if he's watching Love Life. Seth said he's not but he's watching other things on there. Howard said it's weird how this isn't in theaters. Seth said he doesn't care that much. Howard asked if it affects the back end. Seth said probably but not that much. He said the studio was pretty honest early on. He said they may have fooled the studio about this one. He said that it was about grief and loss and the studio loved it. He said they didn't think there was any way they could release it.
Howard asked if he knows how many Jews there are in the world. Seth asked how many. Howard said he looked it up the other day because someone was screaming about how the Jews run the industry and all of that. He said there are 7 billion people in the world and only 14 million Jews. Howard asked if the studio asked who he thinks the audience is for this. Seth said he thinks it expands beyond the Jews. He said everyone has a picture of their grandfather or grandmother at their age and they can't help but think what it would be like to know them at that age. Seth said that he thinks his grandfather would have beaten the shit out of him if they were the same age.
Howard said that's why he loves this movie. Seth said that their grandparents were racist in a way and things would have gone both ways in a way.
Howard asked if the beard was real when he played the old guy. Seth said that was his real beard. He said he had to do the movie backwards. He said fake beards don't look good. He said even in Avengers Endgame the beards don't look good and they had a billion dollars to spend on making that movie.
Howard asked how the making of the movie goes when you have to do the beard thing. Seth said he grew a huge beard and then they filmed the Hershel stuff and then one day he shaved and he started filing the Ben stuff. He said they filmed the movie and finished and then filmed it again after he shaved. He said they had to go back to the same locations where they shot and had holes drilled in the spots where they had the cameras.
Howard asked if it takes longer to make a movie that way. Seth said it isn't wildly complicated. He said if you didn't know he was playing two roles you wouldn't know it was a not huge movie. He said that it took about the same about of time but it was complicated.
Howard asked if he has to have someone read his lines off camera. Seth said he would have a thing in his ear. He said he'd have someone read the lines or he'd just act against nothing. He said he would leave himself gaps to say what his responses were if he was doing the first filming.
Howard asked if he walks around in character all day. Seth said not at all. He said that would be terrible. Howard asked if he can still break into that Hershel character. Seth did it when Howard asked him a question. Seth said that you realize that Dracula is an Eastern European accent. Howard said he was pulling that part off in that movie. He said that he'd be worried about not being able to pull it off. Seth said the first day doing it he was the most scared as an actor that he'd ever been. He said the first time you do that it feels really weird. He said it was a big swing for him. He said he had never done anything like that in a film before. He said he knew it had to be good or the best he could do. He said he had been so hard on people and it was nerve wracking to do it. He said he eventually loosened up and was able to do it.
Howard asked if he had to turn to the director and ask if it was okay. Seth said he's hard on himself and he had to watch himself doing it to see what he does. He said he can see he's doing too much or too little.
Howard asked Seth if he was speaking Polish in he movie. Seth said it was Yiddish. He said he had to learn the lines for the movie. Seth said that's a hard language to learn. He said there's very little rhyme or reason to it. Howard said he was speaking in Yiddish and he felt like he was really doing it. Seth said it was real but they had someone off camera screaming the lines to him.
Howard asked if he had parents who spoke Yiddish to keep things from him. Seth said his grandparents did that. He said his parents didn't. Howard said he feels like they had similar lives growing up. He said he loved gong to camp and things like that. Seth said he did too. Howard said he found great comfort in going to a camp where there were kids like him. He said it was very meaningful to him. Seth said there is a safety thing when you're surrounded by other Jews. He said that it's crazy when he looks back at how little oversight there was back then. He said Howard was like 19 when he was watching over kids and they were just a few years younger than him. Seth said he met some of his best friends at summer camp. Howard said he still has friends he met at summer camp. He said he went off at 8 years old to do summer camp and the counselors were just there to fuck each other.
Howard said he was the outcast most of the year except for that 6 weeks every summer. He said he was almost human in camp. He said he would go there and he could wipe out his history. He said it was crazy. He said it was the greatest thing ever. He said his mother would threaten him by saying she wouldn't let him go to camp if he didn't get good grades. He said he got good grades just so he could go.
Howard said he has to congratulate Seth on something. He said he saw that Jimmy Kimmel is hosting the Emmys this year. He said he's shocked that they can have them at all. Seth said it's weird but they are marching on with it. Howard said he saw that the show The Boys is nominated. He said he watched that show and it's great. He said it's on Amazon. Howard said it should have been nominated for more than it was. Seth said he agrees with that. Seth said there are 200 billion shows on television now. He said there are shows he has never even heard of that were nominated. He said it's not shocking when things fall through the cracks. He said he's been very lucky with his career. He said he doesn't get a lot of awards so it's not that big of a deal.
Howard said the show Black Monday was nominated too and he has something to do with that. Seth said that's right and that's their second nomination. Howard said he doesn't know what Dead to Me is. He said Schitt's Creek is nominated and he's not sure what that even is. Seth said that's a good show and it's Canadian so it's great that they were nominated. Howard asked Seth if that's a big deal for Canadians. He said he was on for like one day up there. He asked if there's pride there when Schitt's Creek is nominated. Seth said he does. He said there's pride there. He said he is Canadian so the fact that Dan and Eugene Levy were nominated for that Canadian show is great. He said he's happy they did it.
Howard said he's not sure why Canadian shows don't make it. Seth said that they do have funny people up there and it's not clear why they don't.
Howard said he's not sure he wants to watch Schitt's Creek. He said that he doesn't want to be sucked into that. Seth said the title makes it seem like it's not as intelligent as it is. He said the performances are great on the show. He said Catherine Ohara is amazing. He said it's a wild performance. Howard said he does love Catherine and Eugene. He said they were great together.
Howard said the other show that was nominated was the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. He said he can't watch that show.
Howard wished Seth luck with the Don Chedle show. He said that The Boys should have gotten nominated for more too.
Howard said An American Pickle is on HBO Max and it was supposed to be in theaters. He said he's doing very well and he is happy about his success.
Howard said the last time they were in L.a. they had so much fun with Snoop. He said that they were talking about pot and all of that. Howard asked if they would ever make a second Pineapple Express. Seth said they wanted to. He said Sony wasn't that interested in it so they turned it down. Howard said he still finds drug humor to be some of his favorite humor. He said he loves stupidity after stupidity. He said it seems like some people are afraid to make those movies for a variety of reasons. He said not Seth though. Seth said that is not a fear he has. He said it's a tough genre. He said that there weren't a lot of weed movie when they were making Pineapple Express. He said people didn't think it as a good idea to make a weed action movie. He said he grew up doing a lot of hallucinogens so his concept of what's within the realms of possibility is beyond what other people's are.
Howard said he still loves Cheech and Chong movies. Seth said they're great and so are some of the other drug movies. He sad that it makes people feel like they're not weirdos for smoking weed. He said that was one of the big things for him as a kid. He said he was felt to feel stupid for smoking weed when he was younger. He said that it's clear you can make a movie and still smoke weed. He said that it made him think he wasn't weird for smoking weed all day.
Howard said Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is one of the things he remembers from that film. He said he remembers him rolling out of his van with a blast of smoke. He said he doesn't remember anything else from that movie. Seth said that you're told that you're an idiot for smoking weed but then you see that character and it's cathartic in a way.
Howard said he thinks Seth is sincere when he says he doesn't look at a film like it's not going to be a billion dollar success. He said when he was going to make Fartman he was going to do that and he didn't think it was the best thing to do at the time. He said he wanted a financially successful movie and he didn't think that would be it. He said that held him back from making Fartman. He said that could have been a really funny movie. Howard said Seth will take a crazy premise and go to a studio and he admires him for just going and doing it. Seth said he thinks the unfortunate truth or fortunate is that you can't predict what will do well. He said he can control the actual quality of the film. He said he can work as hard as he can to make it as good as he can. He said that to him is more important to him than making a successful movie. He said the Green Hornet made $265 million and Pineapple Express made $65 million and people talk more about that than Green Hornet. He said that people didn't think Green Hornet was that good a movie.
Seth said he likes to make a movie that's quality and people will appreciate it years later. He said if it does well it's more fleeting. He said he can't control that. He said if they keep making good movies more than bad ones then they can keep making more movies. Howard said he wants to be able to make more because he has so many ideas. Seth said the thing that lets studios keep banking on them is that generally they turn out well. He said a good product is a good place to start. He said it's easier to sell a good thing than a bad thing. He said more movies they have made have turned out good than bad.
Howard asked if he has ever had a movie that he thought was going to be bought but it was rejected. Seth said no. He said they eventually have made everything. He said if they think it's a good idea they don't give up on it. He said they just don't stop. He said they have never given up. He said they have ideas that they are still working on. He said they work on them for 5 or 6 years and they think it'll be good some day so they keep going with it. Seth said some things just take time. He said it might take years to figure it out. He said sometimes it takes a long time to figure out how to do it.
Howard asked if some ideas are like a sketch and it takes longer to form it into a movie. Seth said for sure. He said they will start with an experience grey want to give an audience. He said that's kind of how Pineapple Express came about. He said it took years to get to the point it was ready to go. He said they thought about how great it would be to have a drug action movie.
Howard asked why the studios won't jump at Pineapple Express 2. Seth said they may have wanted too much money. He said no one got paid anything on the first one. He said it was like a $25 million movie. He said it was very profitable because of that. He said studios don't like giving away money. He said that's a weird thing.
Howard asked if he has a concept in his mind that he just can't figure out how to make it into a movie. Seth said they have a file of ideas. Howard asked if there's one that he can't figure out. Seth said there are a few. He said one they've been talking about for 10 years. He said that one is about aliens coming to earth and they want to test the planet and they will pick one representative for all of humanity and he gets picked. He said that's the idea. Howard said that's a great premise. Seth said that's all they have after 8 years though. Seth said sometimes they'll combine ideas and throw that into another movie. He said that could happen with that idea.
Howard said it's hard. He said you wonder why the aliens pick Seth. Seth said they had an idea that they pick 10 people and the there 9 get killed off very early. Howard said he was pitched an idea to have him as the last man on earth who could reproduce. He said it was great premise but he wasn't sure if he should do it. He said he was afraid that it wouldn't be as good as Private Parts. Seth said he gets that. He said he can see movies where people made this and they lied to the studio about what their idea was. He said that happens sometimes. He said the premise can blind you.
Seth talked about how they make their movies and how they can't have actors improvise at times. He said sometimes people are sold on things that don't function. He said they spend a lot of time on the script so they can make sure it makes sense. He said that the movies take forever to make and you have to connect to them or you can't get through it. He said you can get bored with it and think something else is funny.
Howard said some actors demonize studios. He said that they have a right to ask questions since they're spending the money. He said that if the structure isn't there and the script isn't ready then they can't let it go through. Seth said he's gotten called by studios to help them fix movies. He said he'll watch it and tell them that they were had.
Howard asked if he has actually gone in and helped with movies. Seth said he has. Howard asked what movies he's gone in on. Seth said he will only say this because it was reported. He said he did that on the Dr. Doolittle movie. He said he won't say too much about that. Howard asked who called. Seth said he's not sure who it was. He said he talked to both the studio and Robert Downey Jr. at length. Howard asked if it was a fun experience. Seth said it is a cushy position to be in. He said stakes are low for you. He said he likes movies and helping out. He said he don't want anyone to be unhappy with the movie. He said Universal was very helpful with his career so he's happy to help. He said he can see where you might not want to see your name on the movie. Seth said that his name wasn't on that one but he has his name on some movies that he'd rather not have it on. He said he just moves on though.
Howard said he has the skill like a gun slinger to go in and save a movie. He said that's pretty heady. Seth said he has fought it from the other end too though. He said 40 Year Old Virgin was shut down a week in and they had a producer come in to work with them on set every day. Howard wondered if people are upset that he was hired to come in on some movies. Seth said he's sure that he is. He said on the 40 Year Old Virgin the guy who came in was great and very sweet. He said he was really helpful though. He said he was a huge help to them.
Howard said years ago he heard about this guy who was a script doctor named Babaloo Mandel. Seth said he was a great writer. He said Babaloo and another guy wrote and he thinks to this day they're still script doctors if they're still around.
Howard asked Seth if he would share a joint with anyone during these times. Seth said no way. Howard said Baba Booey told him about sharing a joint with a friend recently. He said he was wearing a mask and he took it off to share the joint. Gary hopped in and said it wasn't a joint, it was a pipe. He said they were both drunk and they wiped the pipe down with an alcohol wipe. Seth said he's not sure he'd encourage that but at least they tried to be hygienic. Seth said he won't be sharing drugs with anyone until there is a vaccine.
Howard said he loves interviewing Seth and being with him. He said he means that sincerely. He said he likes him playing a Polish Jew. He said he said to himself while he was talking to him that he's doing a good interview if he doesn't pick up that joint. He said he didn't pick it up the whole interview. Seth said he's right. Howard said he knows he's doing well because he didn't pick it up. Seth said he loves that he's able to smoke weed while doing press but today with Howard he was doing so well he didn't want to pick it up.
Robin said she noticed that Seth plays with his beard continually. Howard said he picks at his own whiskers all the time too. Seth said the beard makes you look like someone zoning out to someone who is contemplating. He said 90 percent of the time he's thinking of nothing but with the beard it looks like he's thinking all the time.
Howard asked what Seth is saying today. He said he's saying that he's starring in An American Pickle which is on HBO Max starting August 6th. He said he thinks people will love the movie. He said he's also available to come in and fix your movie if it's all fucked up. Seth laughed.
Howard said he feels he's very wise. He said they have racial unrest and a pandemic going on. Seth said Antisemitism is on the rise too. Howard said there are only 14 million Jews out there. He said they're not controlling anything. Seth said that would be a lot of work load for that many people.
Howard asked Seth if he went to Hebrew school. Seth said he did. Howard said he did too and that was the biggest waste of time. He said he could have learned guitar during that time. Seth said he knows a lot about Judaism but he's not very religious. He said he has a complex relationship with his Judaism. He said he is Jewish though and he has Jewish DNA. He said he was raised by Jewish people and he is in America because people were trying to kill his family. He said he knows that Jews are hated very deeply. He said it's a very complex thing. He said that it's messy and complicated and people are stuck in this place of wanting to be progressive but they're stuck. He said that's what the movie gets into.
Howard said there is a lot of shame related to being Jewish. Robin said you don't want to be an outcast just because you were born. Howard said he's a big supporter of Israel because of that. He said there's no denying that. He said they can go there or to Mars. Seth said how about they all go to Canada. Robin said yeah, just make it close.
Howard tested Seth on being Jewish by singing a song and having Seth continue it. Seth asked if Howard has ever been to Israel. Howard said he doesn't go anywhere. He said he thinks the rest of the Jews need a place to go. He said he's not going anywhere.
Howard asked Seth to give them some words of wisdom. Seth said don't look to him for answers. He said that's his words of wisdom. He said he's not the one to get answers from. He said he did make a movie you might enjoy while you're locked in your house. He said he makes movies and that's it. He said he's not expert. Howard said he's downplaying his importance in the world. He asked when we'll have a vaccine. Seth said he has been in touch with Dr. Fauci but he won't share a joint with him.
Howard said he saw that Brad Pitt was nominated for an Emmy for playing Dr. Fauci on Saturday Night Live. He said he didn't think he was that good. He said he likes Brad Pitt but it wasn't that great. Robin said that's what it's like being Brad Pitt. Howard said he did a half assed impression of Fauci and now he has an Emmy nomination. Seth said he's producing 4 TV shows and he can't get a nomination but Brad Pitt gets one for that.
Howard asked when An American Pickle gets reviewed. Seth said he has no idea. Howard said he thinks the reviewers will say he did a good job with the accent. Seth said that's all he can hope.
Howard told Seth that he can go back to his wife and smoke some weed. Seth said he's been wound down for a long time today. Howard said it's like torture for his guests. Seth said not at all. He said he loves it. Howard gave him some more plugs and asked what he's doing today. Seth said just writing and shit. Howard asked if he has anyone cleaning the house. Seth said they do have a cleaning woman. He said she did not come for a long time. He said they're the only house she cleans. Seth said they're kind of loose on the mask thing. Howard said don't get COVID. He said he's a national treasure. Seth said they're being very safe.
Howard asked if he's writing a silent movie. Seth said they do have some talking in it but it is sort of a silent movie kind of thing. Howard said he doesn't want to be in any movies where he has to remember lines. He said he'd be in that movie. Seth said you'd have to do a lot of running around. Howard told Seth to go have fun and go rub his beard and do what he likes to do. He let him go a short time later.
Robin said she didn't know that movies took so long to write. Howard said it's a tough profession. He said writers aren't appreciated that much. He said their guys work really hard all the time.
Howard said they had quite the show today. He said he never got to this package that he has that's so great. He said it's Chris Wilding and Debbie the Cum Lady trying to convince High Pitch Erik to let them blow him. Howard said he will get to that. He said he got it last night so he's only had it for one day. He said he should suck it up and do it for you right now. He said he's also very tired and Beth is upstairs. He said he has that bagel with the peanut butter on it.
Howard said he was very proud that he had that conversation with Seth where he didn't take a hit off that weed he had there. He said he was so inspiring that he must have inspired people in the audience to write. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about writing a movie. Howard let him go after saying he doesn't have time for that.
Howard said he has to thank Gardein for sponsoring the show today. He spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard took a call for King of All Blacks who said that was a really good interview. He was trying to say something but his phone connection was awful. Howard was about to hang up on him but King fixed it by changing a setting. King said Ronnie's girlfriend got turned on by a gangster who kidnapped a woman. He said when she was turned on by that she wasn't having sex with Ronnie, she was having sex with the guy in the movie. Howard said so what. King said Ronnie just happened to be there. Howard said he benefited from that oh so much.
Howard asked why King is in a car. King said he's going to Dunkin' Donuts for a coffee. He said he wears a mask all the time so he's really careful. He said some people will talk to you with their mask on their neck. Howard said Andy Richter said something about that being like wearing a condom on your balls.
Howard said King is right and everyone should be wearing masks. King said he goes through the inner cities and no one is wearing one. Robin said those neighborhoods are highly affected by this virus. Howard asked King if he says anything to anyone. King said you don't say nothin' to anyone with a pitbull. He used the N-word. Gary told Howard to please hang up. Howard hung up on King. Gary said he talks in circles. He said he knows every time his headset doesn't work. He could just pull over and talk to him. Howard said it does drive him crazy but he can't resist picking up on the guy.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who told Gary he should take some edibles for his knee. That was it. Gary said thank you. Howard said imagine getting health advice from Jeff the Drunk.
Howard said when they do their next show they're going to start it with this Chris Wilding and Debbie the Cum Lady trying to get High Pitch Erik to get blown by them. He said it's very sexual and very disgusting. He said that's a tease for their next show.
Howard said listen to SiriusXM because they're doing a great job. He said he's listening to it more and more and they're doing a great job. He said he likes The Spectrum. He said he wants Deep Cuts back because he liked that. He said they have the Queen Channel on there. Gary said Deep Cuts is available on the app. Gary said there are 10 times more channels on the app that he would love. He said you can play them through Alexa or Sonos. Howard said he doesn't have either of those. He said he might have to set it up for his Apple TV. Howard said they're actually SiriusXM Pandora Stitcher now. He added Moonves Chen after that. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.