Howard started the show talking about not watching Game of Thrones but he heard the Khaleesi got naked. Howard said they say it was her too. Howard said he wants to congratulate this show for getting her naked. Howard said he now knows how much power they have and next week she's going to do naked jumping jacks. Howard said they are demanding it as fans. Howard said sex with a horse eventually too. Robin said she'll be doing porn next. Howard said she will. Howard said he didn't see the episode so he doesn't know why she got naked.
Howard said the other person who doesn't get naked enough is Megan Fox. Robin said she doesn't think she's that hot anymore. Howard told her to stop it. He said she didn't hit that wall like he did when he was 12.
Howard said he's very excited about today's show. He had the cleaning woman who cleaned up Beetlejuice's shit tell them who is on. They have Jimmy Kimmel and Steve Martin coming in today. Howard said he's been waiting a long time for Steve Martin. Howard said he was thinking about him all weekend. He was watching all of his movies. Howard said it's too much pressure for him but they'll see how he does.
Howard said he had dinner with Jimmy Kimmel last night. Howard said his wife texts JD all the time. Howard had Jimmy come in. Robin asked if he's sick because he looks thin. Howard said he has worked on his look a lot. Howard said he lost a lot of weight. Jimmy said he only hears about it from Howard. Robin asked if they're the only ones noticing. Howard asked if they call him Jimmy Clooney. Jimmy said he only hears it from them.
Jimmy said he is more excited about hearing Steve Martin on the show today. He said he wants to leave and go listen to that. Howard said he always had a philosophy that he would let Steve ask to come on the show. He said he lost hope that he'd do that but then out of the blue he got an email asking if he wanted him on the show he's available. Howard said he is excited to talk to him. He said he has a whole bunch of things to talk about. Howard said the guy is brilliant.
Jimmy said they were talking about Steve at dinner last night and he remembers his parents going to see him when he was a kid and his dad came home with an arrow through his head. He said his dad bought him his album and told him not to let his mother know. He also got his book Cruel Shoes and it was a major thing in their house. He said he had never seen anything like that.
Howard talked about the movie The Jerk and how he becomes a millionaire and he calls over the wine guy and tells him to bring out something fresh with the wine after bringing over the old stuff. Howard said he went back and watched that movie over the weekend. Howard said it holds up. Jimmy said he bets Steve hates it. Howard said he's going to ask about that. Howard said Woody Allen has talked about how he doesn't go back and watch his movies. Jimmy said that makes sense.
Howard asked Jimmy if he would ever go back and watch his old shows. Jimmy said no. He said it's not like they're good. Howard said he would watch Private Parts but not a lot. He said he'll turn it off in some scenes. Jimmy said the thing he enjoys more than anything that he's done is watching his movie with an audience. Howard said that it was the whole audience goofing on one guy. Howard asked if he ever watches reruns of Ben Stein's Money. Jimmy said no. He said he rarely does.
Howard said Jimmy is on a roll. He said he's in New York because he's going to be hosting the ABC up fronts. Howard said he has to do a lot of preparation to goof on the network and make fun of the new shows but not make too much fun. Howard said the guys that write Jimmy Kimmel Live write this stuff for him. Jimmy said he stays up the night before writing the jokes.
Howard asked about the new person picking the shows for ABC. Jimmy said it's a gal. He said it's not a guy like Howard thought. Howard asked Jimmy about the new person, Channing Dungee, who has helped develop a lot of shows. Howard said she came in and blew out a ton of shows. Howard said she went in with a hatchet and blew them out. Howard said he has to sell the new shows to the sponsors. Jimmy said he makes fun of them so he's not really selling them.
Howard said the big news is that Jimmy is not only there but he's co-hosting with Kelly Ripa this morning. Howard said he's the first since Michael Strahan announced he's leaving. Howard said there is so much mystery around this whole thing. Howard said you see her kissing and hugging Michael but you hear that behind the scenes they hate each other. Howard asked Jimmy if he'll be told not to embarrass her. Jimmy said he hopes they don't. He said there's no way they will. He said he'll ignore it if they do. Howard said that he'd like to hear her interviewed and talk about her emotions about what's going on over there. Jimmy said he will get into it. He said he has to.
Howard asked how he got the call to go in as the co-host. Jimmy said he was a guest on the show and then that whole thing went down and they asked him to co-host. Howard asked what Jimmy is going to ask. Jimmy said he has a pad of paper to write down what Howard wants him to ask. Howard said he's like Bobo with that pad of paper.
Howard asked if Jimmy voted about who is hated more on the show, Bobo or Jeff the Drunk. Jimmy said he likes Jeff's life more than Bobo's but he doesn't hate Bobo. Howard asked if he would ever watch Jeff's Periscope. Jimmy said he would if he knew how it worked. He said Wendy is his favorite right now. He said since the death of Eric the Actor he has to pick Wendy. He said he still has that Eric figure in his office. He said he loved Eric. Howard said Eric was so great. Jimmy said his wishlist still comes up. He said he doesn't want to upset his parents by buying stuff though.
Howard said Jimmy likes Wendy and Gary the Conqueror too. Jimmy said she was good as the judge. He said it was weird that she had common sense. Howard said maybe her brain has that. Jimmy said he loves the rhythm that Howard and Wendy have together. He said that Howard has the greatest chemistry with her. Howard said if anything happened to Robin he would have her on.
Howard said Bobo was voted the most hated on the show 58 percent to 42. Howard had Bobo on the phone and said he hopes he has a question for Jimmy. Bobo asked if he pulls out that piece of art that Jimmy gave him when he comes to town. He also asked Howard about Maury Povich being on and why Jimmy doesn't have him on. Jimmy said he's not sure why he'd ask him other than asking if he's ashamed of himself.
Howard asked Fred if he has any questions to ask Kelly Ripa for Jimmy to ask. Fred needed time to think. Robin asked how she's dealing with the executives at ABC. Howard said he wants to know if she will ever talk to Michael Strahan again. Howard said we know that they're not talking now. Howard said he wants to know if it's a black job too.
Fred said he wants to know if she hurt her voice yelling after the announcement. He said he wants to know why she doesn't talk to Regis too. He said they say she hasn't done that since he left the show. Fred said he also wants to know if she's afraid that they're going to shit can her show and replace it.
Howard said if he was sitting there he would want to ask her if here is anything about her personality that turned Michael off. Howard said they fell apart as an on air couple. Howard said maybe some of it is her fault. He wants to know if she sees that. Howard said throw in a question about if she enjoys anal. Robin asked if she has any input into who replaces Michael. Howard said he wants to know if Gellman is straight. Howard said he'd like him to ask if she'll take an Octoroon as a replacement. Jimmy was writing all of this down. He was cracking up at all of the questions.
Howard said he wants to know if she's ever seen Michael Strahan's penis. He told Jimmy to ask if she's ever gotten shit under her finger nails. He told her to ask if she's ever called Omarosa the N-word and things like that.
Jimmy said this is going to be some show today. Howard asked if Jimmy would ever want to do that show. Jimmy said if he lived there it might be a fun job to do. Howard asked if he would do both jobs. Jimmy said he wouldn't be able to. He said his show is relentless and he can only do one thing or the other.
Robin told Jimmy to ask if Kelly is happy the Khaleesi got naked. Howard said he wants to know that too. Jimmy congratulated Howard on getting that done.
Howard said they will bring in Bill Simmons who Jimmy brought in with him this morning. Jimmy said he's a big fan of the show. He said sports isn't really Howard's thing but this is a good way to introduce him. Howard said Jimmy could have just done the show on his own but he's not selfish. Howard said he wanted to bring him in. Jimmy said he's like Howard's ambassador. He said he also went to see Hamilton and he met Lin-Manuel Miranda back state and he's a huge fan of Howard's show too. Jimmy said he tells Howard about these people who like the show.
Howard said Jimmy has had a lot of the politicians who have been running for president on his show. Howard asked if he feels uptight having them on. Jimmy said not at all. He said celebrities have publicists who can make you lose 20 bookings but the politicians don't so you can ask anything you want. Howard said Hillary was on and did a bit. He asked if they have to submit a bit and ask if they're up for it. Jimmy said they do and most of the time they are up for it.
Howard asked how things are with the other hosts. Jimmy said things are very peaceful. He said there is an occasional thing with a music guest but most of the time they just take turns. He said that he doesn't get upset when a friend does other shows either. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard asked why there were problems with Leno and Letterman. Jimmy said Sarah used to go on Leno when she was dating him. He said he didn't have a problem with it.
Howard asked why it was such an issue when Leno and Letterman were on and there was arguing with the guests. Jimmy said he thinks there was some arm twisting going on with the Tonight Show. He said it was rougher than it is now. Jimmy said every once in a while they'd just take a guest from them.
Howard asked Jimmy if he has insiders who will tell him what's going on there. Howard asked if he was encouraged when he saw that Colbert was forced into a new Executive Producer. Howard said CBS put in their own Executive Producer there. Jimmy said he didn't realize they didn't have an Executive Producer there. He said they didn't fire someone. Howard said they brought someone in. Howard asked Jimmy if he had ABC tell him he had to put in a new Executive Producer would he be pissed. Jimmy said he's not sure how he'd feel.
Howard asked if he has spoken to Letterman since he left. Jimmy said he has not. Robin asked what he thinks about that beard. Jimmy said he heard him say that he grew it because everyone hates it. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said he has to get to Bill Simmons. Howard said Jimmy had Tracy Morgan on his show. Howard said he never hears from him anymore. Jimmy said he changes his phone number every few days so maybe that's why. Howard said Jimmy is doing The View today too. Howard said he's doing all of the shows today. Howard gave him some plugs and went to break.
Howard asked Jimmy about making a doody on those days when he fasts. Jimmy talked a little bit about that and also how the ass hair grows long when you don't wipe with paper.
Howard had the guys bring in Bill Simmons who came in with Jimmy this morning. Bill said that it would bother Jimmy if Howard went on Fallon before his show. Jimmy said it might feel weird but he's not going to get upset. He said he understands that people have to do things. Howard said Bill has his own show on ESPN and HBO. Howard said Jimmy does get offended and he understands it. Howard said he'd get upset if Jimmy did other shows and not his. Bill said he thinks Jimmy and Howard are at a high level of friends.
Howard asked Jimmy who he's closer to, him or Bill. Jimmy said he doesn't look at it like that. Howard asked who he likes better. Jimmy said it's not one or the other. Bill said he worked for Jimmy for 2 years. Howard said he was hired as a writer. Howard asked why he would hire a sports guy to write comedy. Jimmy said it was funny sports stuff that he did. He said he saw he was funny every day. Howard said he heard he wrote him memos about how to make the show better. Jimmy said he never hung up his reporter mantle so he was analyzing things. Howard asked if he felt he was out of line. Jimmy said he never did. He said he liked the memos to a certain extent. Howard said it was tough enough for Jimmy to do his show and he didn't need him second guessing it.
Bill said that Jimmy was doing a lot of things and he ended up on the air and they had to figure things out on the way. He said Leno was cock blocking them on guests. Jimmy said he thinks he would have done that either way. Howard asked Jimmy if he would do that. Jimmy said he thinks there's a hierarchy when you do shows. He said it made perfect sense to do that.
Howard asked Jimmy to do an F, Marry Kill with him, Bill and Adam. Jimmy said he won't do this. He said that it took many years of Fred disliking him after he did one with Fred.
Howard asked Bill about being a sports writer and getting hired to work for 2 years with Jimmy. Bill said he was living in Boston and he had to move to L.A. He said he was writing for ESPN. He said they would sit at this table and pitch stuff. He said he was terrified. He said that Adam Carolla was the best. He said it was a good experience.
Howard said Bill was on with Magic Johnson and he got mad because he was the dominant one on the show. Bill said that's not true. He said he loves Magic Johnson. Howard asked Bill why he moves to L.A. and he doesn't become a Lakers fan. Bill said he hates the Lakers more than anything on the planet. Howard said he thinks that you should be a fan of the city you live in. He said Will Murray lives there but he's still a Philly fan. Jimmy said it's hard to understand when you grow up somewhere and you move. Howard said when he was in Detroit he went to the Detroit games and cheered for them. Howard said that's who he's loyal to.
Bill said he likes that Howard doesn't pretend to be a sports fan. Howard said he has so much more free time because of that.
Howard asked Bill about loving Tom Brady. Bill talked about how he got railroaded by the NFL. He said he doesn't think he deflated the balls. He said he doesn't believe he was involved in this barely cheating thing. Jimmy said he doesn't think he was doing anything that anyone else doesn't do. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard asked Bill if he was a renegade in a way because he was working at ESPN making like 5 million a year and he criticized Roger Goodell. Bill said Roger claimed that the NFL didn't know about the Ray Rice videotape. He said that Ray admitted to them that he did this to his wife and he was suspended for 2 games. Then the tape came out and he was out. He said that he wasn't honest about the whole thing. Howard said Bill went off on him about that. Bill said he had a podcast ripping the guy and he may have gone too far. Howard said he dared them to fire him. Then they fired him.
Howard asked if he's married. Bill said he is. Howard asked if his wife was upset. Bill said she was happy he stuck to his guns until he actually had to leave. Howard said now he's working with HBO. Howard asked if he said to them that he wants to be able to say anything he wants. Bill said it's HBO and this is what they do so he didn't have to say that. Howard said Mad Dog Russo was teamed up with Mike Francesa and Mike is an ornery guy. Howard said he didn't want to co-host with anyone else but Bill was offered the job. Bill said he did get the call and he wishes he had taped it.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his Mike Francesa impression. Howard said he's the best. Then he hung up on Sour. Jimmy said that is the most talented man in the world right there.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for his HBO show which starts in June. Howard asked how much time he gets. Bill said he gets 30 minutes. He said it's a full 30 minutes without commercials.
Howard asked if Bill can get as much money working for HBO than ESPN. Howard said HBO is infamously cheap. Bill and Jimmy said they're really not. Howard asked what kind of money Bill Maher makes. Jimmy said he thinks it's more than 10 million. Howard said that's pretty good dough. Howard said he'll keep his mouth shut.
Howard asked Jimmy about having Sarah Palin on his show. Jimmy said he didn't have her on. He said that she was doing a movie where she debunks climate change and it made him angry. He said that they have this imbecile telling people that it's not man causing it. He said he wanted to make a video so he got some real climate scientists together and they had them do a video with Sarah Palin. He said they weren't fucking with her. He said it ended up becoming him versus her. He said he would have her on the show though. Howard said that it pisses him off too. He said we are polluting and people deny science.
Howard asked Bill he's doing okay with the podcast. Bill said it's doing okay. He said it's not making Sirius money but it's okay. Howard said that he was talking about people who think it's a way to start a carer and how it doesn't work. He said you have to have a real radio show to get the experience. Bill said Howard was fired from NBC and he knew things would be fine after he was fired. Howard said he was actually shitting his pants.
Gary interrupted to let Howard know they have to go. Howard said Jimmy has to go ask his questions to Kelly Ripa. Bill said he wants to know why she was so huggy and kissy with Michael Strahan on the last show. Howard said that's a good one. Howard said he loves that question. Howard told Jimmy to read the questions back. Bill said he wants to know when she turned on him too. Jimmy ran down some of the questions he had written down. Howard and Bill threw in a couple more.
Bill said he thinks that Neil Patrick Harris is the dark horse in all of this. Howard said he's going to say Anderson Cooper. Howard said Anderson Cooper is claiming he's 1/29th black in hopes that he gets the job. Jimmy said he has enough questions now.
Howard had Bill run down his top 5 Stern Show interviews. Wilmer Valderrama was one. He had others like Alanis Morissette and Don Felder in there too.
Howard gave Bill and Jimmy some plugs and wrapped up with the two of them. Howard said he has to prepare for Steve Martin. Bill said he might have to adjust his top 5 now that Steve will be on. Howard said he's saying that the Steve Martin interview is already in the top 5 and he hasn't even been on yet. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said speaking of Pete they took him into the studio and asked him to give messages of hope. Howard said they threw out topics and he gave a message of hope to people who have been beheaded by ISIS. Howard played that clip and Pete said he hopes they come home quick. He said they mean a lot to him. Howard said Pete does that sniffing thing because of his OCD thing. Howard said he was doing that in another message for black people. Howard played that one next. Howard said they just threw that out for him and he comes up with it.
In the next message of hope Pete said ''This is Medicated pube'' and corrected himself before going on to give his message of hope to black people. Pete said there's no more racism. He said they can lean on white people if they need to. Howard said they got a message of hope for babies born without an anus. Howard played that too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Mariann from Brooklyn on Periscope this weekend. He said she's really hot. Howard said she is until you hear that voice. Howard said she's a married woman though. Howard said that he's not sure if the guy she's with is that happy.
Howard said Mariann is a very loyal fan. Howard said they made a phony phone call to her as Simon Cowell and she thought it was Simon. Howard said they were trying to get her to be his fan but she stuck to her guns. Howard got Mariann on the phone and she said that Shuli called her a few days before and talked to her about how she has to stop talking about Simon on the show. Howard said it just got him all riled up. Mariann said she was driving and she was shaking like a leaf when she got this call.
Howard played the clip of fake Simon calling Mariann and asking her to stop calling the show and bad mouthing him. Mariann told him that she's just a loyal fan. He offered her front row seats and shots of her on the show every night. Mariann said that she's not going to take any of that. Simon asked her to stop talking shit about America's Got Talent. Mariann said he's not going to get her to do anything. She told him that he's not her boss. The call lasted a few minutes with Mariann going off on fake Simon.
Howard said she did very well in that. Mariann said she's so excited about today's show. She said she's loved Steve Martin since 1974. Howard thanked her for the call but Mariann kept talking so he had to hang up on her. Howard said she is so loyal to the show. Howard said you have to love her. Howard said he has to take a break here.
Howard said he has to talk to Gary about what happened to his voice. He asked him what happened. Gary said he just woke up like this. He said his voice was gone so he's not saying much. He said he was at his son's graduation but he wasn't yelling or anything. Howard said he noticed how quiet he was this morning. Howard said he just knew something was up. Howard said there's always something going on with him. Howard said he obsesses over it every time. Howard said he was clearing his throat more than usual this morning so he knew something was wrong. Howard played a song parody about Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said he sees that Trump is going to his daughter's graduation today. Howard said Joe Biden and Beth are there too. Howard said Beth's cousin is graduating the University of Pennsylvania too. <>Howard said he saw X-Men Apocalypse and it's fucking great. Howard said he got an advance preview of it. Howard said the movie is great and he had so much fun watching it. He said if it sucked he wouldn't even bring it up. He said that's what he does when he doesn't like something.
Howard said speaking of Trump he has a good phony phone call. Howard said they had fake Donald call a Mexican construction guy to build a wall for him. They had fake Trump telling the guy it was a huge construction job and he'd have enough money to buy a billion Chalupas. They had Trump saying stuff about shocking the Mexicans that touch the wall and things like that. Trump kept calling him by the wrong Mexican name. The guy kept telling him his name is Jose.
Howard said that story about Trump pretending to be his own puffiest was crazy. Howard said the whole election thing is wild. Robin said Rachel Maddow had a great saying when she was talking about everyone thought this election was going to be boring but it's anything but with Trump in it. Howard said he can't believe Hillary hasn't closed the deal yet. Howard said she's still going at it with Bernie Sanders.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his reaction would be if Caitlyn transitioned back to a man. Howard said he would be very upset. Howard said he loves her as a woman. Howard said he is busy watching her show and he loves it. Howard said he loves the group of people she hangs out with on that show. Howard said they are saying that she's having regrets and this might be a big publicity stunt. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he thinks he's going to go back to a man and have two dicks to show how masculine he is. Robin said Siobhan used to go back and forth until she got her penis removed.
The caller said there is a lot of cock on the show lately. Howard said that Pete was Robin's idea. Howard said it is time to get some vagina on the show.
Howard said this guy George Zimmerman is out of his mind. Howard said he's lucky he got off for shooting Trayvon Martin. Howard said this guy is selling the gun that he shot Trayvon with. Howard played a news report about that and they had George talking about why he's selling it. He said he feels it's time to pass it along. He said if he doesn't sell it then it will go in a safe for his grand kids. Howard said this guy is delusional. Howard said he'd have to fuck someone first to have a grand kid. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the show Supergirl not being renewed. Howard said the show is okay. He said he watches it every week. He said he likes the girl and any show with super powers. He said it's made by the same people who make Green Arrow and The Flash and they all look the same. Howard said the show is actually moving to the CW. Howard said he'd make it grittier if he could suggest how to change it. Howard said he gets the feeling that the people making the shows aren't into comic books. Howard said he'd put in more camel toe too. Howard said that's what he'd suggest.
Howard said he was obsessed with wondering how Superman was in bed when he was a kid. Robin said his penis might kill you. Howard said he has to be careful when he punches someone because he could easily kill someone. Howard said he thinks he just uses the tip. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Steve Martin is there and he's a true genius. Howard said he has won 5 Grammys. Howard said it's really Steve. He said he never thought he'd see the day. Howard asked if he's drinking this morning. Steve said it's Iced Tea... with a little Gin. Howard asked how he is. Steve said he's good. Howard asked if he's up this early often. Steve said he is.
Howard thanked Steve for coming in. He said he's a big fan of his and he talks about what a genius he is. Howard asked if he feels he is a genius. Steve said he isn't sure what a genius in comedy is. He said that means you never fail. He said he's a working guy. Howard said Steve said he's said that it wasn't enjoyable. Steve said it is enjoyable but while you're doing it you can't enjoy it. He said you're always thinking. He said your mind is 3 seconds ahead of itself. Howard asked if he's always thinking like that. Howard said it seems like everything out of his mouth is very witty and structured very funny. Howard said he says in his book that it's very hard to do. Steve said in real life he really enjoys being funny. He said it's fun being around friends being funny. He said with Howard, Marty and others it's a lot of fun. He said he has had other friends that you have to just sit back and listen to. Howard said some guys can't do it right on stage but they do in person. Steve said it's a discipline. He said his advice is to just do everything you're offered.
Howard said that he never brings this up to Steve in person. He said that his life growing up in Texas was tough. Howard said they moved to Los Angeles and his father wanted to be an actor. Steve said he found that out later. He said his view of his childhood was that he was very happy. Then he realized that he was happy internally as a kid but maybe not so much at home. He said he didn't know there was an alternative lifestyle. He said he wasn't unhappy. He said he had a complicated relationship with his father. Howard said his father was very isolated. Steve said after he died all of these people came to him and said his father was so much fun. He said he wondered who they were talking about. He said later in life they reconciled and his dad was answering fan mail for him.
Howard said the movie The Jerk was so great but his father was critical of it. Steve said he forgot about this. He said that they went to the premier of the movie and they went out to dinner after. He said his father said nothing about the movie. He said his friend asked his dad, Glen, what he thought of it. He said he called his dad Glen too. Howard said that's odd that he didn't do that. Steve said he found out later that was odd. Steve said his friend asked Glen what he thought and he said ''Well, he's no Charlie Chaplain.'' Steve said he didn't comment but later on he wasn't getting feedback. He said if he said something to Glen he'd have a critical response to it. He said he stopped telling him about things.
Howard asked if he thinks his father was jealous of him. Steve said it's hard to interpret what he was thinking. He said he thinks he had ambitions and they stopped when he had kids. He said he had to go to work. He said maybe he was angry. Howard asked if he ever wondered why he had kids. Steve said that's what you did back then. He said you got married and had kids and became responsible. Steve said that he was fine later on in life. He said he did a part in the movie ''All of Me'' that he did.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks he had to give him that. Steve said that he was just doing it for fun. Howard said the thing he heard about his dad was that he hosted Saturday Night Live and his dad wrote an article about how bad it was. Steve said his dad came to him and he had written a little article in a newsletter that they had for a real estate thing he was in. He said one of his dad's coworkers told him that it wasn't a good idea. Steve said later in life they got close. He said when he left the house at 18 he didn't understand that you were supposed to call your parents and check in. He said he had no one to tell him that. Robin said they raised him and then you just leave.
Howard said there is a disconnect with parents. Howard asked if getting out of the house was liberating for him. Steve said it was. He said he couldn't wait to get out.
Howard said at 5 he moved to California with his family. Howard said his influences were Jack Benny, Bob Hope and guys like that. Howard said that he can see Jack Benny in his act now. Steve said he really feels his influence. He said he was a nice man and he had a strong relationship with George Burns. He said he feels like that with Martin Short. He said he feels like he's got that in Howard too.
Howard asked Steve about getting a job at 10 at Disneyland. Steve said he was living out there and it had just been built. He said they were hiring kids and he couldn't think of anything more exciting than working there. He said he rode his bicycle over there. He said those were the days when you could do that. Howard said Disneyland was an escape. Steve said his childhood wasn't ugly though. He said he liked the idea of going to Disneyland and not really just getting out of the house. He said on weekends he would sell guidebooks to people for 2 cents each. He said he could make $3 a weekend. He said that he went and bought a pair or shorts once and they were $4.50. He said his father flipped out because it was extravagant. Howard said he had the money and did it himself though. Howard said he's down on Glen over that. Steve said it was a complicated life in the 30s, 40s and 50s. He said that the father treated the family differently.
Howard asked if he was able to sit down and have a conversation with his dad. Steve said he was but he didn't get into how he hurt him or anything. He said he was very kind to him toward the end.
Howard said Steve is working at Disneyland and he's around entertainers and he waned to get into that. Steve sad he loved comedy but he never knew what a comedian was. He said wanting to be a comedian came later. He said he wanted to be on stage and he didn't sing or dance. He said he had a magic act and that was it. He said he would go see this guy Wally Gold do magic and he was always fresh when he did his show. He said he would do it hundreds of times. He said that the guy was funny. He said his fantasy when he was 12 or 13 that Wally would get sick and someone would call him and ask him to do the show that he knew so well.
Howard asked Steve about practicing magic. Steve said he would practice slight of hand and all of that. Howard said if you're not sure how to be a performer magic is the best way to get into it. Steve said Johnny Carson did that too. Steve said that you can buy a trick and they have patter written in the trick. Howard asked if he had a special name. Steve said he didn't think that far ahead. He said he wasn't even thinking about girls or anything. He said he just liked being on stage. He said only later did he think about a career.
Steve said that he was writing for Sonny and Cher and he once made a joke about how he didn't want to get suck in Las Vegas singing ''I Got You Babe'' and that upset Cher. He said he got a letter from her upset about what he said. He said that he didn't mean it insult her though.
Howard said Steve got a job writing for The Smothers Brothers. Steve said he had written some stories for what would become ''Cruel Shoes'' the book. He said he met a dancer who was so cute. He said she was dancing on the Smothers Brothers show. He said that he had the courage to go up to someone who was adorable and talk to her. He said she had dated Mason Williams from the show. He said she heard they were looking for young writers. He said he was under 30 and he didn't know how to write at all. Howard said the show was a lot of jokes so he's not sure how he got the job if he was writing short stories. Steve said he submitted his material and Mason liked his stuff and hired him. He said he was paying him out of his own pocket. Steve said he was writing for the Glenn Campbell show and then he got teamed up with Bob Einstein. He said that he was more experienced than he was so they ended up making a good team.
Howard asked if he was having any success with that. Steve said he was so blown away by this. He said he was only 21 and Rob Reiner was on the show with him. He said he just persevered. He said he was very anxious and nervous and had a breakdown over it. He said he learned how to write comedy though. Howard said he was writing with the best writers in comedy. Howard asked if they wrote like they did on Saturday Night Live. Steve said he and Bob would write together. He said on Saturday Night Live you pitch in front of people but this was just pitching alone.
Steve said they'd ask him to write an intro for Judy Collins and he'd just write ''Ladies and Gentlemen, Judy Collins'' and he'd be so happy about that. Steve said he was asked to go write a bit for the Smothers Brothers and he had nothing in his brain. He said he called his friend Gary Mule Deer who was a comedian. He said he would help him write jokes. He said he helped him write this bit and he was freed to start writing. He said that he had to learn how to think in a certain way. He said Gary helped him do that.
Howard said Steve says he put 10 years into crafting his comedy. Then he did 4 years of getting it perfected and then 4 more years doing it. Howard said he said it was a lonely part of his life because it was isolating. Steve said he wasn't able to go out. He said he was a loner type and he didn't hate every moment of it but there is a time when you feel so funny before having all of this success. He said there were people who saw him having all of this success and it was thrilling. He said the moments early on when you get some fame and you're on stage conducting the audience's laughter was great. Howard asked what the biggest crowd was he played to. Steve said he thinks it was 25,000. He said he thinks that Richard Pryor must have done it. Steve sad he's not sure he did.
Howard said there must have been a lot to figure out to do a show in front of so many people. Steve said it was just him and a microphone. Howard said he hated writing for TV and he wasn't able to keep going because it was a committee. Steve said he likes collaboration. He said he felt like he was watching his own comedic personality pass by. He said he felt he really had to do this. Howard said he could have gotten trapped into doing the TV writing. Howard said it's almost like a trap. Steve said he can see it like that.
Steve said he worked at Knotts Berry Farm and he thought he could get trapped there. He said he had seen people trapped there for 25 years. He said he just had to move on. Howard said the Banjo is important to him and he taught himself how to play. Steve said he picked it up around the age of 16. He said he was dating a girl whose father had a banjo he asked to borrow. He said he heard about another guy at school who played and he ended up playing with him.
Howard said he taught himself how to play by slowing the records down. Steve said that's one way to do it. He said he would slow down a 33 to a 16 speed and down tune the banjo.
Howard said Steve was also a cheerleader in high school. Howard said that's really weird to him. Howard said one of his cheers was really dark too. Steve said that was just in his act. He didn't do that for real. He said cheer leading is show business.. He said that's being on stage. He said he wasn't made fun of back then because it wasn't something to make fun of back then. He said cheerleaders were revered back then.
Howard said Steve went to college and started performing in the Knotts Berry Farm thing. Howard said after he did the play he was able to go on and play banjo and do jokes. Steve said that's where he leaned to do a 5 minute act. He said it was a great audience too.
Howard said Steve walked away from writing to get into comedy. Steve said he walked away from that and from the money. He said he did have residuals coming in but they were going away. He said he got $300 for a show and it cost him $250 to get there. He asked what to do. He said he was told by a friend to only headline. Steve said he went to a little club called Bubba's in Coconut Grove. He said that no one knew him. He said his income really dropped but that changed his life. He said once he headlined people paid attention.
Howard asked Steve if he misses those old days. Steve said no. He said there was a lot of anxiety. He said he did love working at the Bird Cage Theater. He said after that anxiety set in. He said he endured that for 15-20 years and now he's free of all of that. Howard asked if he felt he had to prove himself to his dad. Steve said he did seek approval. He said he knows that well.
Howard asked Steve if he taped his shows. Steve said he had a bit that was a sleazy guy in a bar. He said the waitress would come up and give him a glass of red wine to work with as a prop. He said one night he did tape the show and he heard himself slurring his words and he stopped drinking before shows after that. He said that he was doing a few shows a night and the waitress would keep replacing his drink. Howard said it must have been really important to him.
Howard asked Steve didn't want punch line jokes and he stopped doing them. Steve said he was studying philosophy in college and he was examining comedy. He said there are two kinds of laughter. He said one is when you watch a comedian and he says a joke and you hear the punch line. He said then there's another kind when you're home and you laugh with your friends and you laugh so hard you cry. He said you don't even know why you're laughing. He said he wondered about going for that and try to be funny and have people laughing and not know why. He said he ended up drooping any jokes he got out of joke books and stuff like that. Howard said he wonders how he knew to do that if he had no one telling him to do it.
Howard said Steve was getting into his stuff at 15 years old. Steve said there are kids at 12 on YouTube killing these days. Howard said when his act started to break big he was playing to 20,000 people a night but he was prepared for it because he was so hyper focused. Howard said he couldn't have been having fun.
Howard said he got to know of Steve when he was on Saturday Night Live. Steve said he was getting successful and he had been playing to 2000 people or so when he went on Saturday Night Live. He said he had some success already. He said that he did Saturday Night Live and the next Monday he had a gig in Louisiana and he asked the promoter how many people were out there and he said 7,000. He said that was overnight. He said then he had a hit record with Wild and Crazy Guy and then it was off.
Howard said Steve was doing the Steve Allen Show. Howard said asked how he found that. Steve said he was auditioning. He said he auditioned for Steve and he had so much crazy material. He said he had enough to do a 2 hour show. He said when he got famous he could edit it down to his best material. He said he did one show a night instead of 6.
Howard asked how long it was before he got on the Johnny Carson show. Steve said he doesn't have dates. He said he was doing other shows too. He said he did the Virginia Graham show and other things like that. Howard said he did those shots and had plenty of material. Howard asked how he got to Johnny. Steve said he was helped out by one of the producers on the Carson show. He said he can't remember his name. He said he got him on and he went on and he writes about this in his book. He said he remembers waiting in the wings thinking about how he was about to be on the Tonight Show and then after he was done he remembers he was done with it. He doesn't remember doing the show.
Steve said he thought he was going to be instantly famous after doing the show. He said he was getting it a little bit but not much. He said that he had done the show about 15 times and he went into a shop and a woman asked if he was the boy who was on the Tonight Show last night. He said he was and she just let out an ''Ugh''.
Steve said Howard has said many times that Johnny was being a dictator when he didn't have the comedians come over to the desk. Steve said he's wrong. He said that the couch thing was always worked out ahead of time. He said that it was all worked out. Howard asked why he wasn't allowed to walk over. Steve said that they do have you over after you do the show a few times. He said it was always worked out. Howard asked Steve if he ever walked over without asking. Steve said no.
Howard said Steve does the Carson show and then Johnny stopped calling. He was only on when they had a guest hot. Steve said that he was demoted. Steve said he ran out of material. He said it was as simple as that. He said when he got on with the guest hosts he was able to reorient. Howard said then he had a friendship with Johnny. Steve said that he didn't have a true friendship with him like he does with Robin or Howard. He said he went out to dinner a few times. He said Johnny liked to take about the show and people he had on and liked and didn't like. Howard asked if he was focused on himself. Steve said they would ask Johnny about him but he didn't talk about himself only. Steve said it was so much fun. He said all they did was laugh when they'd play poker together. Howard asked if anything came out of the games. He asked if they would come up with things to do. Steve said it wasn't about business. He said it was just about having fun. He said Neil Simon was so funny and generous.
Howard said Steve has written a musical called ''Bright Star'' and he went to see it. Howard was going to talk about it more but he kept calling it a play and Steve had to correct him a few times. Howard said he'll work up to it and he'll remember to call it a musical.
Howard asked Steve about writing movies and how he knew how to write it. Howard asked if he called someone like Neil Simon. Steve said he didn't do it. He said he wrote The Jerk as his first one. He said that Carl Reiner was a big influence on structuring and all of that. He said that he thought of it as if he were writing his act. He said he thought of it as a journey.
Howard asked Steve if the studio was freaked out about him writing racial humor like he did in The Jerk. Steve said they did a short movie called The Absent Minded Waiter that got an Oscar nomination. He said he was given ownership of The Jerk after that and he went to Universal with it.
Howard asked if The Jerk got good reviews. Steve said he thought it was annihilated but it got some good reviews. He said it's an absurd comedy so it's not supposed to get good reviews. Howard said he was talking to Jimmy earlier about the wine scene. Howard asked if it's dangerous doing a movie with a girlfriend like he did with Bernadette Peters. Steve said you don't in general want a girlfriend or a boyfriend in a movie with you. Howard asked if he was afraid it was going to cause a problem. Steve said not with her. He said he heard her being interviewed about 10 years ago and she said they were both crazy back then.
Howard said that movie was a commercial success and after having a success he could have made anything he wanted. Steve said he doesn't recall if that's what it was like.
Howard asked if Steve ever watches his old movies. Steve said he watches them closely when he's making them but then he never goes back. He said once in awhile he'll see something on TV and watch it but not all that much.
Howard asked Steve about working on Saturday Night Live and if he was ever asked to do movies. Steve said he wasn't asked to do them. They talked about working with Dan Aykroyd and how fun that was.
Howard said that Steve did the Wild and Crazy Guy thing in his act and he brought that to Saturday Night Live. Howard said it's great when all of America starts doing a line you do in your act. Steve said that he had catch phrases that are just crazy when you look back on them. Steve said he was honored to have had that.
Howard said he worked at a dump of a radio station and they had this guy who worked there and he came in saying he was a Wild and Crazy Guy and then came in with the ''Well excuuuse me'' thing too. He said it was annoying to him so he wonders if he got annoyed being on the road and not being able to go outside. Steve said he was really happy it was happening. He said it's a lightning strike.
Howard said Steve was getting paid a lot of money to do this stuff. He said you can't just quit. Steve said he was working too hard but he had to take advantage of it while it was going on.
Howard asked Steve about quitting comedy. Steve said life on the road was getting to him and it was almost a violent end. He said he didn't announce he was quitting, he just stopped. Steve said he had the movie so he was secure.
Steve said he does shows now and does music and comedy. He said he's doing shows with Marty and he loves it. He said he loves jokes and telling jokes. He said he and Marty can look into each other's eyes and just feel funny.
Howard asked about opening for Seinfeld recently. Steve said he asked him to stop by and he just did it. He said he only did like 10 minutes max. Howard said he was doing a stand up gig. Steve said it came out like that but he's been doing it for years so he had the material and he just did it. He said it looked like stand up but it wasn't really.
Howard said Steve said he had a panic attack at one point when he was on stage. Steve said he was on stage and it was like 100 degrees in the hall he was playing in. He said his heart was racing and he had to be taken out on a stretcher. He said he had people asking for autographs as he was being taken out. He said he had a nurse asking for him to autograph his EKG. Steve said once he went to the doctor for a sinus infection and he's talking to the doctor about the CAT scan. He said the doctor tells him they're checking for cancer. He said 10 people came into the room to check the scan for cancer. He said it was just a sinus infection.
Howard asked if Steve was ever asked to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Steve said he wasn't but he had no desire to be a cast member. He said they do impressions and stuff like that. Howard asked if he ever got close to Belushi. Steve said he didn't. Howard said Steve never got into drugs or anything. Steve said he never did and that may have saved him.
Steve said he got very social after he got divorced. He said he would throw dinner parties and have people over. He said that he has really good friends. He said he was afraid to come on the show because he was afraid Howard was going to ruin that for him. Howard said he appreciates that he will call him and asks him over to dinner. Steve said it's great to have people over who have the same sense of humor. He said it's one of the greatest things. Steve said he did the monologue on the Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary. He said that he was standing there wondering how he got there in his career. He said he was between Paul Simon and Paul McCartney and he just wondered how he got there.
Howard asked Steve if they can keep going. Steve said that's fine. Howard said Steve is doing his thing on Saturday Night Live and they come up with the idea to do the brothers thing. Steve said he thinks it was Dan Aykroyd and Jim Downey who came up with it. He said that he did that character he was doing in his act already.
Howard said doing movies is a great thing. Howard said Steve got The Jerk made and then audiences start watching it. Howard said he gets to observe the audiences watching it. Steve said the things you think are a big laugh don't get the laughs but the things you don't know will get a laugh will get a laugh. Howard asked if he felt pressure to do another one. Steve said he was offered Pennies from Heaven and he felt he had to do it to have an escape from the comedy thing.
Howard said Steve did a bunch of movies and then he does The Three Amigos. Steve said they had a lot of names for people they wanted in that movie. He said Belushi was one and John Candy was another. He said they got Martin Short and it was such a great get. He said that it was great for him because they're working together now. Howard said Martin was great on Saturday Night Live. He said he's another genius.
Howard said they were using a prop gun on the movie and he shot one next to his hear and now he has tinnitus. Steve said he thinks it wasn't just that but it's something you just get used to.
Howard asked if he was concerned with having a blockbuster movie. Steve said he never really thought about it. He said he did have one that did very well with Queen Latifah. Howard said The Jerk made good money too. Steve said he has no idea how much that made. Steve said that he wants audiences to like the movies he does. Steve said you can tell how well a movie did over the weekend by how much the phone rang the following Monday. He said it rings if it did well and doesn't ring if it didn't do well.
Howard asked Steve about the movie Roxanne and why he had doubts about it. Steve said he went to many writers about it and no one wanted to take it on. He said that he had to just start it on his own. He told Howard about the process of writing it and how he Daryl Hannah was cast in it.
Howard asked Steve if he falls in love with his co-stars. Steve said he is very conscious about that. He said he makes sure that doesn't happen. Robin asked if there was any chance of it happening from her. Steve said none at all.
Howard asked if Steve was very pleased with that movie. Steve said he was very pleased. Howard asked about the nose he had to wear for that movie. Steve said it took about an hour to put on. He said he was made fun of on the street often. He said once he had to use the bathroom and went into a bar where a Hell's Angel guy kept staring at him and eventually said ''Why the long face.''
Howard asked Steve if he hated hosting the Oscar's. Howard said he wrote an open letter to Eddie Murphy to be prepared for a bunch of assholes telling him that he wasn't funny. Steve said he has hosted 3 times and the first time he was back stage alone and he had asked to be the first person out there. He said that he wanted to go out and do his monologue. He said he just wanted to concentrate on what he was going to do. He said he was in a state of cold fear. He said then the curtain goes up and you're fine. He said it's nerves. Howard said then he feels in command. Steve said he did. He said the second time he hosted it was the night of the Iraq invasion. He said it's too much to even explain. Steve said he was working at the Bird Cage theater in 1963 and Kennedy was shot. He said they went out and did the show anyway and the audience was hot. Steve said he figured it was some type of escape. He said that's what he thought about when he did the Oscars on the night of the invasion.
Howard said he's thinking about all of his talk show appearances and he had gone on Letterman the night of the scandal. Howard said that was a smart thing for Letterman to do. Steve said they had two segments and in the second one Martin Short came out. He said he thinks he stood on his desk and walked around. Howard said that makes it a lot looser. Howard said there was a lot of tension there.
Steve said Marty Short used to have a Christmas party and everyone would get up and do something. He said people started preparing for it. He said one year he was going to play a song he had prepared. He said Chevy Chase showed up that night and he knew he hadn't prepared anything. He said Chevy got up there and said he felt bad being there after losing his whole family. He said Chevy worked on that for 1 second and he worked on his song for 6 months. Howard said Chevy gave a toast at his wedding and talked about the time he raped him.
Howard said Steve decided to do a Broadway musical and he did it with Edie Brickell. Howard asked how that all came about. Steve told Howard about how he and Edie were writing back and forth and sending stuff to each other. Steve said it was joyful to do. Howard said he knows Paul Simon so that's how he got together with Edie. Steve said they got together and now it's history. Howard said he saw the musical and he enjoyed it. He said it was sweet and emotional and he was moved by it.
Steve said they were nominated for 5 Tony awards. He told Howard about what they were nominated for. He said they won some award for Best Musical even though Hamilton is out there.
Howard asked Steve about doing the Oscars the third time. Steve said he did the show with Alec Baldwin. Howard asked if he was shocked at how good he was. Steve said he knew he was going to be good. He said he's such a raconteur.
Howard said Steve did the L.A. Story movie and he thinks he put that aside for years. Steve said he may have put it in a drawer for a little while. Howard said he put it away for years.
Howard said the other film he likes is Shop Girl. Howard said Steve plays Claire Danes' older lover. Howard said that he wrote it from the perspective of a woman. Howard said he really did a good job with that. Steve said he has observed women a lot as a writer. He said he is interested in romance and how it works.
Howard said Steve is married again and things are going very well. Steve said that he loves that his wife Anne is not in the business.
Howard said the musical is playing across the street from Sirius. Howard said it's called Bright Star. Howard said he's known for going up on stage at the end of the show. Steve said the audiences are responding to it in a spectacular way. Howard asked about the story of the Bright Star name. Steve explained how Edie found a story about baby that was thrown from a train and no one knew the story. Steve said that he and Edie wrote a song and then they started working with the plot and now the audience is loving what they've done.
Howard asked Steve what the next thing is. Steve said first he has to get off this show. Howard said he will get him out of there. He said he realizes he has had him in here a long time. Howard said it's been a dream to have him in there. He said he's wanted him in here for so long. Howard said he never wanted to ask him to come on the show. Howard asked what convinced him to come in. Steve said he want to talk about the musical and Martin Short did a great interview with him. He said he felt comfortable because he has had great dinners with Howard. He said he's fine doing a normal interview like this. He said he can be more subtle and explain things further than a magazine article.
Howard said this was a dream of his and now it's happened. He said he wanted Steve to be happy coming in there. Steve said he was actually looking forward to it.
Howard gave Steve a plug for the musical but called it a play again because that's what was written down. Howard gave him plugs for the web site for the play which is BrightStarMusical.com and for his personal web site SteveMartin.com
Steve said he has enjoyed the show and he has also enjoyed Howard's personal change over the years. Steve said the first time he heard about the show was back when he was doing his Pope voice and he was talking about a death bed scene. He said Howard asked if they wanted to know what was under his cap and he said it was a bottle of ketchup. He said he just laughed and that's when he knew Howard was funny.
Howard gave Steve more plugs and asked if he's still in touch with Letterman. Steve said he is and he's getting a Peabody award and he's going to introduce him. Howard said he can't be into that beard. Steve said he had a beard for a while and he was told that it made him look so old so he shaved it off. Howard said he owes it to Dave to tell him that too. Howard wrapped up and let Steve go a short time later. They played Billy Joel performing ''Big Man On Mulberry Street'' for Howard on a birthday show as they went to break.
Howard asked Benjy if he has a story about meeting Steve once. Benjy said he ran into him in the park and he asked for a photo. He said Steve was very polite and said he doesn't do that. He said he kept asking and didn't mention Howard. Benjy said he thought he'd have a phone himself. Benjy said he asked Steve if he had a phone and the whole thing sizzled out after that. Robin said Benjy didn't even have something to take a picture with. Howard said he's a fucking mad man. Howard asked if Steve is supposed to send it to him. Benjy said he hoped so. Benjy asked if it's hard to skirt around things with Steve when he's in there. Howard said there are things they have talked about that he wouldn't bring up on the show.
Benjy said Steve looks like Bree Olson. Howard said the guy is a fucking genius. Benjy asked if he's that nice and sweet in person. Howard said he's been to dinner and at his home. He said it was a mind blowing night. Benjy said he seems to go out of his way to be sweet. Howard said he is a gracious guy. Howard said he turned Benjy's microphone off after that. Howard asked Fred if he feels that way too. Fred said he does.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel went and asked Kelly Ripa some of the questions they asked him to ask her. Howard said Jimmy did not disappoint. Howard said he hasn't heard this yet. Howard played a clip and Jimmy asked Kelly what happened with her and Michael. Jimmy said he has about 75 questions for her. He said he wants to ask some of them. Jimmy asked the producer the questions instead of Kelly. Jimmy was asking if she does the show without panties. Kelly said she always wears them. Howard said that's disappointing. Jimmy asked if the hugging and kissing was real last week. Kelly claims it was. She said that they don't fake that stuff. Robin said she has never said she doesn't like Michael Strahan in public. It's just reports.
Howard said he feels like he needs to go on that show. He said he thinks he could get the answers America craves. He said he thinks he can get her to talk about all of that. Howard said he'd get the answers and it would be fascinating. Howard said that's all he's got with the Jimmy stuff. Howard said he sensed his discomfort with the questions. Howard said he would go on and water board her to get the answers if he had to. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Jimmy did skip some of the questions like the Octoroon question. Howard said he can't do that since he works for ABC.
Robin started her news with a story about the cat who was listed at the age of 30 and it turns out the cat has died. Robin said it lived to be 30. Robin said right before the story came out the cat died. Robin said that there was another cat that lived to 38 so it wasn't the oldest cat ever.
Robin read about Pfizer pulling the drug that they use in lethal injection off the market. Robin said she's not sure how they're going to put people to death.
Howard said today is Wendy the Slow Adult's birthday. She's turning 36. Howard had a clip of all kinds of Wendy noises that he played to the tune of Happy Birthday.
Robin read about the rumors that Caitlyn Jenner is having second thoughts about becoming a woman. Howard said he's going to be upset by that. He said he'll feel deceived if that's true. Howard said being a woman is way harder than being a man.
Robin read a story about a man who kidnapped and assaulted a woman and her daughters with his son. Robin said they lured them into their home and tied the mother and 4 daughters up and hit them with a baseball bat. Robin said the girls were able to get away and call authorities. Robin said the mother and one daughter had to go to the hospital for treatment. Robin said they think this was the guy thinking the mother had turned him in for using meth and this was retaliation for that. That led to Howard doing his impression of his dad and mom talking to him as if they had kidnapped and tied up some woman and her kids. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Woody Allen getting hit with some shrapnel at the Cannes movie festival. Howard said he heard about this. Howard said a comedian was making fun of Roman Polanski and he mentioned Woody Allen making films in Europe even though he hasn't been accused of rape. Howard had a clip of that. Robin said then Susan Sarandon said something about thinking he had sexually assaulted an underage girl. Robin said she was very direct. Robin said Woody is over there promoting a film.
Robin said that someone is looking to put a stop to the statute of limitations for sexual assault. Robin said they'll have to see what goes on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the show was great today. He asked Howard if he would do an interview with Kelly Ripa if he had to co-host for the day. Howard said he would go on the show and sit her down and talk to her. Howard said he's not into co-hosting the show though.
Robin asked what Howard thinks Mark Zuckerberg is worth. Howard said Facebook is worth like 30 billion. Robin said it's 52 billion. Robin said they have lots of advertising. Howard said he thinks it's a great platform but some think it's outdated. Robin said Mark has reaped the rewards. Howard said they might start broadcasting television on Facebook. Howard said that's a wealthy man.
Robin read a story about global sales of alcohol falling in 2015. Robin said it's dropped off for the first time since records started being kept in 2001. Howard said it's a fluke. He said it has to be a fluke.
Robin read a story about a Jehovah's witness memorial for Prince. Howard said he can't believe he's gone. Robin said she can't either. Howard said he had a bunch of shitty music too but there must be one good song in that vault of his. Howard said he's not sure he'll have nay good new songs. Howard said that it's surprising to see who you outlive. Howard said his parents have outlived everyone pretty much. Robin said she was reading about how he tried to convert Anthony Anderson over to be a Jehovah's Witness. That led to Howard goofing on that for a short time. Howard said he'd never be a Scientologist by converting someone unknown like that.
Robin read a story about actor Wendell Pierce being arrested at a hotel after talking to a couple who were staying in a hotel. Robin said he was infuriated when a woman was talking about being a fan of Bernie Sanders. Robin said Wendell was arrested after allegedly grabbing the woman's head when he got angry with her. Robin said she's not sure why politics are making people so angry.
Robin read about President Obama giving a commencement address at Rutgers University last week. Howard asked how they got him. He said good for them but he's not sure how they got him. Robin said maybe they asked and they were first. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about Trump and the wall he wants to build.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Steve Martin was so awesome he rubbed his cock on a banjo. Howard said he was impressed with the way Steve taught himself how to play the banjo.
Robin said she went to see the musical ''School of Rock'' and the kids play their own instruments. Robin said that the little boy who plays guitar wails on it. Howard said he should have started young. Robin said he has no excuse if he did start young.
Robin had some audio of some guy talking about if he'd accept being Hillary Clinton's running mate or not. Robin read about some polls that were done that found Trump is leading Clinton in Ohio by a few percent. Robin had some other clips for Howard to play.
Robin had some audio of Trump pretending to be a publicist for himself. Howard had some audio of the fake guy and Howard said if that's not actually Trump they should hire him to do an impression of him. Robin had audio of one of Trump's people saying that doesn't even sound like Trump. Howard said if the guy is real then just produce him.
Robin read about the lines at airports and how it takes so long to get through them that Chuck Schumer is saying they should have more trained dogs in the airports to sniff out explosives. Howard said he likes that guy because he thinks about stuff like that. Howard said that's why he was so popular when he was running for governor. Howard said all he wanted to do was do away with tolls and get rid of traffic.
Robin read a story about a woman who used to work for Trump coming out and talking about what she witnessed while working for Trump.
Robin said that it seems the best way to bump someone off is doing it on a cruise ship. Robin said there's a missing passenger on a ship that the coast guard was looking for. Robin said they have called off the search. Robin said the ship reported that the 33 year old woman was seen falling off the 10th deck around 2am. Robin said they searched an area of 4,300 square miles and found nothing.
Robin said that Anthony Kiedis is recovering from intestinal flu. Robin said the Red Hot Chili Peppers had to call off a couple of shows.
Robin read a story about ISIS losing ground in some areas. Robin said they are shrinking and they have constant pressure on them from constant air strikes.
Robin read a story about how skin to skin contact between a baby and a care giver works out well for a baby. Robin said it could reduce early death rates by 1/3. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about the box office and how Captain America: Civil War being number 1 again. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Jon said his understanding is that Dave Foley's character is named after Jon Hein. He said that he named him Pat Hein on the show. Gary said they should have gotten a lesbian and named her Jan Hein.
Jon said they had three guests on the show today. Jon said Steve Martin is an epic one that they've waited a long time for. Jon said Steve was so comfortable with Howard today. He said they're buddies now and they went over his entire career. Gary said he remembers sending a letter to his publicist in 1985 and he was told that they would never have a guest the caliber of Steve Martin on their show, ever. He said he finally got him after 30 years.
Jon said that hearing Steve telling his stories was great. Gary said he liked hearing the story about how he didn't know that he was supposed to call home to see how his family was doing when he went off to college.
Jon said that you know Howard is going to bring up a father having an influence on a carer. Jared said that he thought that Howard and Steve had something in common with their dads. He said that he wondered if that's a key to being a comedic genius. Jared said his parents are amazing and his dad has a room in the house with posters of everything he ever did. He said he thinks he could never be as funny as Steve Martin or Howard.
Gary said when he was young he was horrified by the Ben Stern tapes. He said as he gets older he thinks about how back in that period of time Howard's dad was protecting him. He said he was trying to let him know that his plans may not work out. He said today everyone thinks they know what their kid is going to grow up to do.
Jon and Gary spent a few more minutes talking about the Steve Martin interview and what they learned. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the last couple of guests they've had they call comedic geniuses and he thinks that term is over used. He asked the guys why they think Steve Martin is a comedic genius because he finds them funny but not geniuses. Gary asked who he would say is a comedic genius. The caller said Jerry Seinfeld and George Carlin. Gary said he thinks it's the ability to be funny on the spot. He said he thinks Kimmel falls into that. He said he doesn't have to think about it, it just lives there. Jon said he thinks Steve is a genius. He explained why telling the caller he's an original and no one did it the way he did it before he did it. He said he thinks it applies with Howard too because no one did it the way Howard does it before he did it. The caller said he thinks the word is just thrown around a lot and he likes Steve Martin but he doesn't think the word applies to him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she graduated over the weekend and saw Gary there. She asked how he liked it up in Syracuse. Gary said it was a great experience. He said he was at the graduation but he wasn't screaming or anything but he lost his voice. Gary said there was one guy who graduated and he had about 20 relatives there. He said there was a lot of screaming and yelling but he wasn't one of them. Jon talked to Gary about how Howard brought up the voice thing today but didn't spend a lot of time on it. Jon said Howard was on him the second he heard Gary's voice.
Jared asked if Sour Shoes is on call just in case something happens to Gary. Gary said they have to see if he can do a scratchy voice Gary. They went to break after that.
Jon said Howard talked about how gracious Jimmy is to bring his friends in with him. Jon said that Bill Simmons came in and told Howard about some Jimmy stuff. They talked about moving somewhere and rooting for that city's team. They spent a little more time talking about Bill Simmons and some of the stuff he talked about today.
Jon said they also talked about the level of friends and Jimmy said there are different rings of friendship. Jon said he thinks that everyone treats their friends similarly. They spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Steve's publicist is the same one from 30 years ago. Gary said it's not. He said he didn't have to deal with her ever again after that letter he got from her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard doesn't take calls when guests are in. Gary said he'd have to talk to Howard about that but he thinks it's because Howard is having a conversation and there's an intensity there. He said it might interrupt. Gary said he's doing a different interview now. The caller asked why. Jon and Gary said he'd have to ask Howard that. Gary said Howard did take Bobo's call during Jimmy's interview today.
Jared said he's annoyed by Bobo more than Jeff the Drunk. Gary asked if he voted in the poll last week. Jared said he didn't but he would have voted for Bobo.
Jon asked Jared about working in Stern Show references in shows and if people pick up on it. Jared said he had an assistant he was very happy to learn that he listens to Howard. He said he needs someone who he can talk to at work about that.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the Sternthology preview and then wrapped up the show. They were done around 12:10pm.
Howard started the show talking about missing the coffee he was having in the morning. He said he hasn't had it in weeks because it was drying out his throat. He said he really missed that caffeine. He said he doesn't like being this tired. He said it made him feel like he was 19 when he was drinking it.
Howard said he wrote Jimmy Kimmel an email last night and told him he was great when he was on the show. Howard said Jimmy wrote back this morning and he was saying he really enjoyed Steve Martin. He said he listened to it twice. Howard said Jimmy said he's never heard him talk like that. Howard said he was emailing back and forth and Jimmy mentioned that Wendy's birthday was yesterday and he was looking at her wishlist. He said it's hard to pick things out for her because it's a lot of bad, fattening food. Howard said Jason tried to send her something for her birthday and it was a retarded wishlist because the address was wrong. Howard said it took him 45 minutes to figure it out to get it to her. Robin asked who put that list together. Howard said he's not sure.
Howard asked Jason where the list is. He had Jimmy's email where he listed some of the stuff that she wants. Howard said Jimmy didn't know where to send it either. Howard said she has movies, video games, t-shirts in 4X size and more.
Howard said there are things other than food. Howard said Jason got her 3 Taco Bell gift cards. Howard said she wants Crucified by the FCC. Howard said he remembers editing that in his basement. He said he had a studio in his basement and that's what he came out with.
Howard read some of the gift cards she has on her list. Howard said she has all of that but no address. He said he thinks he helped her out with that.
Howard said Jason is so fat he probably didn't think it was bad to get her that stuff. Howard said Jason eats a ton of meat. He goes to meat fairs. Howard said eating that amount is bad for you. Howard said he heard Jason ate a pig's head and the eyeballs. Jason said it's a restaurant called Cannibal. He said it's half a pig head. He said the waiter said they were the delicacy so he tried them. Howard said he's disgusting. Jason said he doesn't feel disgusting. He said he knows they're smart and all but he likes pork. Howard said he should eat a human being at this point. Robin said he is at Cannibal. Jason said if people taste as good as pigs he would eat them. Jason said we better not taste that good or we're in trouble. Jason said the eyeball was good because it was marinated in something.
Jason said they had blood sausage and some things like that. Howard asked if he is worried about his health. Jason said he is but not that worried. He said he's 37 and he doesn't want to get into the discussion. He said he smoked ribs over the weekend and he loves it all. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard asked Jason how long he spent on the Wendy thing. Jason said he spent 45 minutes. He said Amazon says they can't find the address. He said he gets really frustrated when he can't do something so he has to figure it out. Howard said it's Wendy, not Amazon. Jason said it's so easy with other people.
Howard said he heard Wendy is in love with Jason. Jason said they do talk a lot. He said she loves talking about food. Howard asked if he could fuck her. Jason said no. He said he'd eat her though. He said he'd roast her over an open fire. Howard asked how the eyeball was. Jason said it was all black but it was squishy. He said he doesn't remember it squirting in his mouth when he ate it. Jason said he ate the ear and chin too. Jason said it has the mouth and teeth and they were making it talk and say hello to everybody. Howard said he knows the aliens will do that to us too when they come here. Jason said he just hopes they don't taste that good.
Howard said Wendy left an email yelling at him. Howard played the clip and Wendy was saying he could have done something for her birthday. She said that she wasn't asking for a lot. She was hoping for $500 and she's leaving the Wack Pack over this. Howard said she's been doing this for years. Jason said in between that she's texting him. He said it's constant. Howard said someone told her it was inappropriate so she called back and said she didn't mean what she said. Howard played that clip and Wendy said she got a puppy and named it Robin. She said someone took the dog and stole it.
Howard said he figures that someone takes the dog and sneaks it out and gives it to someone else. Jason said he hopes that's what happens. Howard said it's like what his mom would do with his Halloween candy. Howard said his mom would say that he ate it but it would just disappear. Jason said Wendy has lost whole litters of kittens. He said according to her they can't even afford to feed her. Howard said someone is feeding her because she's huge. Jason said she lives at the fast food places around her.
Howard asked Jason if he would eat a cat. Jason said he owns and loves them but if he was at a restaurant he might try it. Howard said he doesn't get him. Jason said he likes trying new stuff. Howard said Jason is very involved. He said he just vomited.
Howard said that was Jimmy and Jason with the Wendy Wishlist. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with Wendy and the pets. He said they just disappear.
Ronnie came in and said that he doesn't write that. Howard asked when they have Wet Cunt Wednesday. Ronnie said he doesn't tweet that stuff. He said he's sitting there in the car waiting for Howard. He said it's nowhere near the time he's coming out. Ronnie said he's not writing that stuff. Howard said the girl with the tits looked awful. Ronnie that guy sits at home doing this stuff. He said he just retweets it. He said they have Thong Thursday and Ass Wednesday too. He said he just retweets it all.
Howard asked if he tweets on Sunday too. Ronnie said no. He said he does some stuff on the weekend sometimes. He said on Sunday it's NASCAR day. Howard said Ronnie has tweeted almost 40,000 times. Howard said it's all misspellings and he's doing Tittie Tuesday. Ronnie said he just retweeted it. He said he closed out Hot Chick of the Week. He said he had to because the girls mention the show. He said he had to shut it down. Howard thanked him for shutting it down. Ronnie said the fans are upset. He said the woman who was helping him do it was like his assistant. He said her name is Zena. He said she would interview the girls so it was a whole thing.
Howard said he appreciates him cancelling it. He said it somehow ends up on him. Ronnie said that's what happened so he had to stop it. He said it happened about 3 or 4 weeks ago so he shut it down. Ronnie said he did the right thing. Howard said it's another big business. Howard said now the business is open for someone else to do.
Howard asked if Ronnie rejected any girls. Ronnie said not really. He said they even had some big girls. Howard said they should do a Transgender girl of the week. Ronnie said some people thought some of the girls were transgender. Howard said he even let pigs in there. He was doing his Ronnie impression talking about all of that. Fred did his Ronnie impression too. Howard was cracking up at Fred goofing on Ronnie.
Ronnie said he would take a transgender in the Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said he didn't let the girls show pussy. He said that there are plenty of them who do it but he doesn't let it happen. He said that he has this guy he retweets a lot and he'll put up pictures of girls with a cup of coffee. He said if she shows her pussy he won't retweet it. Howard said he draws the line at pussy.
Howard said he was sitting in the car with Ronnie yesterday and he showed him the news story about the first penis transplant. He said Ronnie said he didn't know that was even possible. Howard said it wasn't possible before. He said now it is. Howard said this was in Boston. Howard said a cancer patient got the penis transplant. Howard said his name is Thomas Manning. Howard said it was transplanted from a dead donor. Ronnie said he heard the guy interviewed and he sounded great. Howard said it must be a big penis. He said they wouldn't give him a little one.
Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie impressions and talked about the penis transplant. Howard read more of the article too. He said that the doctor was saying this was uncharted water for them. Howard said the guy is 64 years old and it could be working in weeks to months. Howard said this could mean something for transgender girls who want to be men. Howard said his cock wouldn't even be taken. He said his is too small. Howard said Medicated Pete could sell his for millions. Howard asked if Ronnie saw it. Ronnie said he did. Howard said it was big.
Howard read about this guy who got the penis implant and said that he wasn't able to look at the dick yet. He said it must be weird to look down at it and see someone else's dick down there. Howard said Manning had an amputation and he wasn't able to have relationships because of that. Ronnie said he didn't know there was cancer of the dick. Howard said it's an embarrassing thing. Howard said Robin has heard of it. Robin said of course. Howard asked if there is pussy cancer. Robin said it can spread all over the place. Ronnie asked if you can get it in your asshole. Howard said that's why you get a colonoscopy.
Howard said they say Manning will be lucky to get back to 75 percent of where he was at before. Howard said the donor penis came from the New England donor bank. Howard said the family wants to remain anonymous.
Howard said he applauds this. Howard said that they say that this hasn't been done before. Howard said they had a dozen people working on the guy. Robin said that John Wayne Bobbit had his penis reattached. Howard wondered if you get a say in what you get down there. Howard said they say that they will try to perfect the technique before performing it on wounded warriors.
Robin said maybe they can grow dicks on a mouse like they did with that ear years ago. Howard read more of the article and they said that one Chinese man had a penis attached in 2005 but he had psychological issues so he asked for it to be removed. Fred played some of Sal's ''My cock is gone'' clips and had Howard cracking up. Howard said Sal doesn't get any action anyway so he's not sure what he's worried about. Howard said imagine jerking off with another man's cock. Howard said it might be a great thing. Howard said he'd be thrilled if he had a big cock. Robin said that guy wanted his taken off. Howard said you'd probably have to take Viagra too. Howard said you can't get a good hard on. Howard said he'd love to have that guy on the show. Ronnie said that would be great. Howard said he'd put a horse penis on him. He said he'd do it. They went to break after that.
Howard said he is fascinated by the Kelly Ripa thing. Howard said he's not ready to let it go. He said he wants to interview her. Howard said Michael Strahan was trying to say goodbye and he was played off like he was at the Oscars. Howard played a clip he had of him saying goodbye. He gets cut off at the end. Howard said that's one step above the Benjy boat horn.
Howard said it's so phony. He said you know they hate each other but they're talking about how much they love each other and will miss each other. Robin said you can just say goodbye and not say you love them. Howard said they cut Michael off like a celebrity getting an honorary award. Howard said they just play them off.
Howard said he can get Kelly on the phone right now. He picked up and had a fake Kelly on the phone. The guys in the back played prerecorded clips along with Howard as he asked scripted questions.
Howard talked to fake Kelly about Regis returning and Kelly said it would work if he could go 30 minutes without shitting himself. Robin said she doesn't sound all that upset. Howard said goodbye and the guys played clips and replayed them over and over.
Howard let fake Kelly go and said it's time for some fun with Jon Hein's book. Howard said they chopped up his book and called a store where they sell televisions. Howard played the call and the guys called the store with the clips and had Jon talking about how he loves TV and coined the phrase ''Jump the Shark'' and played his explanation of that. Then they had Jon asking the woman when certain shows jumped the shark. The woman said she has no idea to all of his questions. They went to break after that.
Howard said he used to wait for Khaleesi to get naked and then she stopped. Howard said now she's all proud. Howard said they say that they're green screened but he thinks they're real. Howard said she says that it was a good reason for her to take her top off so she has no problem with it this time.
Howard played a song parody about the Khaleesi showing her titties. Howard said she really does look better naked. Howard said everyone likes her again now. Howard said there's a rumor that she had a titty double. Howard said they look really nice. Howard said he has to go home and review it. Howard said he can't even tell you what's going on in Game of Thrones.
Howard said there's the religious guy who can't be killed. Howard said he doesn't know what that's about. Howard said this guy is in bare feet and he's in power locking up people. Howard said the Khaleesi getting naked amps the show up. Robin said for him it does but she doesn't care.
Howard said get your vomit buckets ready. Howard said there is some disgusting stuff in there. Wolfie said hold off on breakfast if you haven't had it yet. Howard asked if any guys hit on Wolfie. Wolfie said not at all. He didn't get anybody. Robin asked if he's a twink. Wolfie said he might be what's known as an Otter.
Howard said Richard had to edit these clips and Richard vomited. He said there is some hard core stuff in this. Wolfie said the smell in there was the worst. He said there was ammonia smell and semen smell. He said he saw one guy giving another one a blow job in the lobby of the hotel. He said they rented out the whole building that day. Robin said they have to if they're going to be doing that.
Howard said in this first clip you have to imagine the fat gay guys who are bowling and going to a puppy park. Howard asked what that is. Wolfie said they had a puppy pen where guys were fighting with each other like dogs. He said it was like a puppy mask made of latex. Howard said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said most of the guys like to drink urine too. Wolfie said every guy was into that at this event. Howard asked what the gay maze was. Wolfie said it's a maze where the goal is to stay inside as long as possible. It has glory holes and dark corners and stuff. He said there's everything you can possibly imagine. He said they even do the human centipede type of thing. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard played a clip where a guy said he can have an anal orgasm and he can squirt all over. He said he has a self lubricating ass. Howard asked Robin how she likes that. Robin said she has no clue what the guy is referring to. Wolfie said Robin said she can do that. Howard said that's true. Howard said they don't have a camera but Fred is leaking right now.
Howard played another clip of the same guy talking about the smell of ass. Wolfie had him describe the smell of jizz too. He talked about liking creamy jizz and made the sound of what it sounds like when you're fucking someone's ass. Howard said that's the clip that made him throw up.
Howard asked if there were any kids there. Wolfie said he didn't see any there. Robin said she won't go to that hotel. Howard said she's not very open minded.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about the number of guys he thinks he's going to be with there. He was counting up and said it will probably be over 10 guys.
Howard played a clip of a guy describing the smell of balls. He said it smells kind of like pears. He said he likes the smell and he loves nuzzling it and kissing it. Howard said Robin doesn't like the smell of balls. Robin said they don't smell like pears. Howard said Gary can cancel his breakfast order. He said his balls smell like rotten pears.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how much he likes the smell of balls. Howard said these clips make him feel so good about himself. Howard said he never wants to smell someone's jock.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about drinking piss. He was talking about how different it is in the morning than after drinking beer. He said that he used to piss in a bottle and this guy would drink it. He said then he'd piss in his pocket and the guy would get off on that.
Howard said Wolfie has blown the lid off of this. Howard played another clip of a guy talking about eating his own cum. In the clip the guy said he's into piss play and he likes filling cups for people. He said he waits until he's opened the tap up a few times. He said the first dose is really strong. He said the first pee in the morning is bad. Then he talked about eating his own jizz and pre-cum. Howard said they just lost 10,000 subscribers. Howard said he likes to wear shit as a cap and none of these guys are that hard core.
Howard said nothing is off the table with these guys. Howard said he's so old fashioned that he loves pissing into a toilet. Howard said the piss thing freaks him out. He said it seems like it takes a lot of effort to get these guys off. Robin asked how they have time for a job.
Howard said Benjy has eaten his own cum. Benjy said that he thinks most guys have tasted it. He said that everyone has tasted their boogers but he's never done that. Howard said he has tasted his own boogers but not his own cum. Howard said that will never happen. He said he'll never taste his own piss either. Robin asked Benjy if he has. Benjy said he thinks he tried it once out of curiosity. Howard said he can't imagine that. Howard said he's going to vomit.
Howard played a clip of a guy saying that he swallowed 6 loads in one night. He was also a piss fan. He talked about a guy fucking him and pissing inside. Howard said he didn't know that was even possible. Wolfie said they were describing that they can switch off the cum thing and piss and then switch back.
Howard asked what the guys would do, eat your own jizz or eat a pig's eyeball. Robin asked who he's asking. Howard said maybe he's asking himself.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about fisting a guy who passed out on him and his hand was stuck inside of him. He was afraid he wasn't going to wake up. Wolfie said that guy is fisting the guy and the other guy is inhaling drugs and he dies on him. He said his fist was stuck inside him. He said his phone was on the other side of the room so he didn't know what to do. Wolfie said the goal is to go in there until you feel a heart beat.
Howard played another fisting story from a guy who said he threw up on the other guy. He said he pulled out and left. That guy also said that he had pulled out three loads and urine from a guy's ass once.
Howard played another clip where a guy talked about fisting and pulling out a plum. The guy said that if they don't clean out properly they could have something in there. He said if they didn't clean out then you might get in too deep and you are looking at more than your five fingers.
Howard said he's secretly gay and he was with a guy once and pulled out an actual kidney. He said fortunately he had two so he lived.
Howard said next week they're sending Wolfie to a mass beheading. Wolfie said he thinks this event would be worse than that.
Robin asked how Wolfie finds out about this. Howard asked if she's into this stuff at all. Robin said no. She hasn't done any of that stuff the guys were talking about. She said she's never been fisted or anything.
Howard brought up Game of Thrones again. Howard said he watches it every week even though he doesn't understand it. Howard thanked Wolfie for the report from Bears and Bikers convention. Wolfie said here is more stuff coming up that could be even weirder than that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a gay guy and he is good looking and he thinks that stuff is ridiculous. He said he did fist a guy once and he pulled out Peter Dinklage from Game of Thrones. Howard asked Wolfie what he tells his family. Wolfie said he tells his wife but not his kids. He said they'd never understand that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went on vacation once and they were in a hotel and as the week went on more and more Bears showed up. She said they saw banners hanging up and they had all sorts of Bears and Otters there. She said by that Thursday they were the only heterosexual couple there. Howard asked if her husband turned gay. The woman said he didn't. Howard let her go and let Wolfie go too.
Howard played a clip of High Pitch Erik announcing who they have on the show today. Erik announced they have Weird Al Yankovic coming in. Howard said he has had a top 40 hit in every decade and only Madonna, Al and Michael Jackson have done that. Howard said they put out a ton of song parodies and not one of them is a hit. Howard said you think it's easy but it's not. Howard said Weird Al put out an album that was a number 1 best seller a couple of years ago. Howard said they'll find out what he's up to soon. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said you have to hear this voicemail Richard got. Howard said it's the most boring voicemail ever. Howard played the clip and the guy kept pausing as he was asking Richard to try to get Mark Cuban back on the show. Howard said they're going to have this guy debate Ben Carson.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's drank his own urine before. He said a lot of people believe it gives you an edge with your health. Howard said that's a really good reason. He asked how healthy you really want to be. Howard said there is no medical evidence that it helps. Howard asked what it cured him of. The caller said he uses it as a last resort. Robin asked when he last pulled it out. The guy said it's been years. Howard said he uses it as a last resort for what? The caller said it's if you're really sick. He said if you have a really bad cold or something. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard played a song parody for Robin but he didn't like that either so he said he has to get into something wholesome. Howard said Nick Cannon is at it again with his spoken word stuff. Howard said this is called ''Back of the Bus.'' Howard played the clip and Nick is doing the spoken word rap thing about the back of the bus. Howard said this is the nick that sits in his dressing room with his friends. Howard said they have to get him in there.
Howard played more of Nick and asked if that's what Hamilton sounds like. Robin said no. Howard said he's afraid it's going to be poetry. Robin said it is but it's good. Howard said Jimmy told him that the guy who wrote Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda, is a big fan of the show. Howard said he was thinking it was kind of like this stuff.
Howard did his own spoken word thing like Nick. Howard said he's feeling it. Fred played some music and Howard did his rap over that. Howard said it's not that hard actually. He said Nick has inspired him. Howard talked about wanting to sit at home and paint and his farts make Beth faint.
Howard talked about how his raps are dope and not dumb. He said he'll stick his fist in your ass and pull out a plum. Howard did more raps and talked about the blotches on Benjy's face.
Howard said Nick does it all. He said he thinks he's an angry guy. Howard said he's upset at the white man. Howard said last time they talked about this he talked about Nick coming to rehearsal and he'd come out in a hoody and the hood would be over his head and he'd be wearing sunglasses and sneakers. Howard said about an hour or so later he's AGT Nick. Howard said he wants to hear him rap about the girls he's fucking. Howard made up some of his own that Nick could do about Mariah. He did some spoken word about the other chicks Nick is fucking. Fred played the music and had Gary playing trumpet over that too.
Howard did more Nick stuff and asked what Nick knows about the back of the bus. Robin said he's in the back of a limo. Howard played more of Nick and Fred played Gary's trumpet over that. Howard said what's going on in his dressing room is what you want to hear a poem about. Howard said that's called a poetry slam. Howard said Nick had the hottest super models in his dressing room. Howard said he only went in that room once. He said he's not sure he was that welcome. He said Nick was in there with the guy who trains him and is his barber. Howard said he has his other buddy who is really tall. He used to be a basketball player. Howard said there's a whole scene going on in there. Howard said that's what he wants to hear about. Howard said he's the one who was in the back of the bus in Roosevelt. Howard said black people didn't let him move to the front. Howard went into his spoken word thing again.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Weird Al. Howard said he has a lot to talk about with Al. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said Weird Al Yankovic is there. Howard said Al tried to cover this but Paul McCartney said no. Howard said Al doesn't have to ask but he does it anyway. Howard said Al is going out on tour. He said he lives in California so they don't see him much. Howard said he looks the same as he did in the 80s. Al said he just stays in his hyperbaric chamber 22 hours a day. Howard said Al is the only guy who made a living from doing parodies. Howard asked if he ever thought of doing original tunes. Al said he does his own stuff too. He said he never really did earnest songs though. He said his brain isn't wired that way.
Howard said his parents put him into the clarinet. He said Al's parents had him learn accordion. Howard said they thought he'd be better off with that than the guitar. Howard asked if he plays anything other than that. Al said it's mainly accordion but he can play keyboards too. He said that's basically what the accordion is. Robin asked if the girls flock to that. Al said it's a chick magnet. He said that blue hair women thought he was Frankie Yankovic's son and then they'd show up and hear it and leave.
Howard asked if Al thinks he'll stop making song parodies. Al said he still loves what he does and he stays in touch with the top 40. Howard said his last album was a big seller. He said it took people by surprise. Howard said they think your career is going to end and it just keeps going. Al said he had a comedy album at number 1 and that hasn't happened in like 50 years. Al said this was his last album on his contract and he wanted to finish it off quietly. Then it went to number 1. Howard said there is a market for song parodies and he must have wondered. Howard said MTV helped move everything along. Al said there are a billion people doing parodies on YouTube now. He said that they say that the internet should have killed him but it just made him stronger.
Howard said Al is a very bright guy. He said his persona is out there and they don't realize that he began kindergarten early and he skipped second grade. Howard said his parents must have thought they had a genius on their hands. Al said that he graduated at 16. Howard asked if he was labeled a weirdo in school because of that. Al said when he writes a song like ''White and Nerdy'' it comes from experience. He said he was a straight A student and socially awkward. He said he wasn't one of the popular kids. He said he was one of the weirdos.
Howard said to make things worse he was at the nerd table and he was playing accordion. Al said he started that at 7 so it was part of his DNA by 16. Howard said he was into rock music so who were his influences. Al said he was listening to standard stuff like the Beatles, the Kinks and The Who. He said Dr. Demento got him into some other things. Howard said that Dr. Demento was a legendary DJ who had odd songs he'd play. Howard said he used to have a guy who would scream and yell. Al did an impression of that guy. Howard said the show was really out there. Howard said Al would listen to him and send tapes to Dr. Demento too. Al said he'd be singing along to songs on a cassette player.
Howard said Al wanted to be an architect. Al said he went to a college out in California. Howard said he did the song parodies and Dr. Demento came to his high school to talk. Al said he did and he presented him with a cassette tape there. He said Dr. Demento was in that persona that he does but that's just him.
Howard said who would think that his career would rely on Dr. Demento. Howard said he was the one who started playing his song parodies. Howard asked if he was playing his stuff before he went to college. Al said he was in his senior year in college when he took notice the most. He said he did a parody called My Bologna. Howard asked if this is the one he actually recorded in the bathroom. Al said he did re-record it. Howard said that he doesn't see it on his list. Howard said he remembers hearing it and thinking it was pretty brilliant. Howard asked why Dr. Demento picked up on that. Al said he liked that he was playing accordion. He said The Knack was very popular that summer too. Al said he recorded the song originally in a bathroom. He said Capital Records released that version.
Howard asked if Al's parents asked if he was a fucking maniac for getting into that stuff instead of being an architect. Al said his dad told him as long as he was happy then it was fine. Al said as long as he wasn't starving then that's great. Howard asked if he heard from people who he wasn't friendly with in school when he started getting noticed. Al said he did at first.
Howard said Al took a job at Westwood One and he was in the mail room. Al said he was doing minimum wage work and he was in the same building as Dr. Demento so he got to hang out. Howard asked if he got to do his songs live. Al said sometimes he would.
Howard said he did ''Another One Rides the Bus'' after that. Howard played some of that song. Howard asked if he was shocked at the reaction he got to that. Al said he was. He said he recorded that one live on the Dr. Demento show. Howard said he could barely get the words out when he was first on the radio. Howard said Al is on the show and he was on a syndicated show. Howard said if he choked up. Al said he still gets nervous. He said Another One Rides the Bus went world wide. He said that he got calls from New Zealand. He said it went super viral. Howard said it's sort of funnier when he does it live like that. Al said that you can't re-record that version of the song. He said it wouldn't be the same.
Howard said Tom Snyder had him on The Tomorrow Show. Al said he went on that show and he was calling himself Weird Al. Al said the next year ''Eat It'' hit big and then he was the start of the show with Dr. Demento as the guest.
Howard said Al did the Coolio song and wanted to do Amish Paradise. Howard said he went to Coolio and he said no at first. Howard asked if he has this right. Howard said Coolio puts out Gangster's Paradise and he does the parody and then he finds out that Coolio wasn't cool with it. Al said he didn't talk directly to Coolio but the record label said he said it was okay. He said that Stevie Wonder was fine with them using his music. Al said Coolio is fine with it now. Howard played some of the Amish Paradise song.
Howard said he is shocked that Michael Jackson was so good to him. Howard said he did ''Eat It'' and he had no problem with it. Al said he had his people talk to Michael's people. He said they put in the request and they heard that it was fine to do. Howard asked if he was shocked. Al said he was.
Howard said it must hurt when someone says they're not cool with him doing a parody. Al said it's happened very rarely in the past couple of decades. He said that early on it was tough but not so much now.
Howard asked how long it took to get permission. Al said it sometimes takes 24 hours and sometimes it's months. Howard played some ''Eat It'' and asked how much it cost to make the video for that. Al said it was maybe 40,000. He said they did a Lady Gaga video a few years ago and that was expensive. He said with his last album they had a video budget but it wasn't big budget stuff. He said that's why he teamed up with other things like Nerdist to make videos.
Howard asked if he ever met Michael Jackson. Al said he did a few times. He said he went back stage at some shows and saw him at some other events. Howard asked Al if it helps with women when he hits it big with song parodies. Al said he has played the accordion his whole life so he has no problem. Howard asked seriously if women come on to him in a way that he never experienced before. He said he's not sure what happens there. Al said everyone who is famous gets a little bit of that. He said that he would have seen through that.
Howard said Al has never done anything offensive or dirty really. Al said he can do that. He said that it falls under the family friendly thing.
Howard read about some of his other hits like ''I Lost on Jeopardy'' and played some of that song. Howard said he likes when he makes polka versions of various songs. Howard played some examples of that. Howard said he is a good singer too. He said he has to be able to do that to get the parody down. Al said that he had no idea how to do anything when he started out. He said 30 years later you get some skills.
Howard said some people were humorless when it came to parodies. Howard said he wanted to do a parody of ''Live and Let Die'' and Paul McCartney didn't want him to do it. Al said he has done some parodies with the polka thing. He said that he has to do a reduced rate because he can't afford the big rate.
Howard said Paul wasn't humorless but he didn't like that one song. Al said he didn't like the song about eating chicken. He was fine with a parody but not about chicken pot pie.
Howard asked about the parody he did with the Nirvana song. Al said he talked to Kurt when he was doing Saturday Night Live. He said he congratulated him on the success of his album and he later found out he hated that. Howard asked how long the phone call went with that. Al said he thinks it was just a couple of minutes. He said he talked to him and told him what he was going to do to the parody of Smells like Teen Spirit. He said Kurt was fine with him doing it about how no one understands his lyrics. Howard said he loves the video for this song too. Howard played some of that song too.
Howard said he looked kind of cool in that video. He said it wasn't really a total goof. Howard asked if it was fun to shoot. Al said it was. He said they had a lot of the same people who were in the original video. He said they got the same janitor and same cheerleader and some of the crowd too. He said they were wondering if it was disrespectful. Howard asked what Kurt thought about it. Al said he loved it. He said one of the quotes was that Kurt didn't realize that he had made it until he saw his video.
Howard said it must cost a lot to make that video. Howard said MTV was great with that because the record company would get behind it. Al said it wasn't super expensive. He said it was like a one day shoot. He said that he thinks that his manager directed that one. Howard said he has been asked to direct other videos. He asked if he likes that. Al said he does. He said he'd directed a few.
Howard said Prince refused to give permission to do song parodies. Al wanted to do about half a dozen parodies and he always said no. Howard said now that he's dead maybe he can do it. Al said no. Howard said he should go back and do it now. Al said no.
Howard said Prince was a genius but he made a lot of dicky moves. Howard said Al was near him in the American Music Awards and he was told not to look him in the eyes. Al said he got a telegram from his office and he was asked not to. He said that he wasn't the only one. He said some other people in the area were told the same thing. Howard said you get to see some really funny things in the music business. Al said Prince used to bring his bodyguard with him on stage with him. He said it was a strange thing. Howard asked Al what he does when he gets something like that in the mail. Howard asked if he curses in his personal life. Al said no. Howard said that is the sign of a smart person. Howard said he's not smart so he curses all the time. Al said he never curses. He said it's just the way he was brought up.
Howard said Al's parents died in a strange way. Howard said in 2003 he lost them because there was a faulty carbon monoxide sensor in the house. Howard said he remembers reading about that. Howard asked if they didn't have one or was it faulty. Al said that he thinks they didn't have one. He said he would suggest that everyone have one because it can save your life. He said they started a fire and they went to bed and the flue wasn't open. He said they went to bed and never woke up.
Howard said Al was on tour at the time and he went out and performed. Howard asked if he can block that out. Al said he had to do that. He said it is a ''the show must go on'' kind of guy. He said he has a band and a crew and people change their lives to come to the show. Al said he wasn't going to say anything to the crowd but within hours of it happening it was international news. He said he did the show in memory of his parents. Howard asked if the audience was different when that's going on. Howard asked if he's concerned that the audience won't laugh. Al said it was really tough. He said he didn't do any meet and greets. He said he did 2 hours on stage and then went into his own world. Howard said it's such a waste and so sad. Howard asked if he has any siblings. Al said he doesn't. He said he was married and his daughter was a year old. Howard asked if she's going to be doing song parodies. Al said she won't be doing them. He said a year ago she came to him and asked for accordion lessons. He said he was happy with that.
Howard asked if Al becomes an over protective parent after that happens to his parents. Al said he grew up in a very protective home. He said his daughter is very protected and she's very adult minded. He said he's not worried about her at all. He said she's not going along with her friends. He said she has a good head on her shoulders.
Howard asked Al if he went to a shrink for his parents death. Al said no. He said he got the support from the fans and it meant a lot. He said it's very therapeutic. He said that his fans have told him that his music has helped them and they have helped him now.
Howard said that Eminem is another guy who turned Al down with a song. Al said he let him do a song parody and he wanted to do the video but he didn't want to let him do the video. Howard asked why that is. Al said good question. Howard said you'd think they'd be able to get permission for both.
Howard said Al wanted to do a polka medley of Led Zeppelin songs but Jimmy Page didn't want to let him do it. Al said later on he did let him do some stuff with their music. Howard asked if anyone comes to him and asks him why he's not doing a parody. Al said he's had people ask when he's going to do one of their songs. He said it just has to grab him.
Howard said Al has won a Grammy. Al said it's 4. He said he won for ''Eat It.'' He said that was like 1984. He won for best Comedy Album and beat Rodney Dangerfield. Howard asked if he thanked Dr. Demento. Al said he thinks he did but it was a long time ago.
Howard said as gracious as Michael Jackson was he didn't want him to do a parody of ''Black or White.'' Al said he may have saved him with that. He said his movie was out and tanking and he thought maybe he had to go back to doing Michael Jackson parodies.
Howard said he did the movie ''UHF'' and it looked like it was going to do well. Al said it tested very well. Howard said the movie comes out and it tanks. Howard said it had a $5 million budget and made maybe $6 million. Al said he was in a slump for a few years after that. He said it was like he was a ghost to the industry after that. Al said after that they didn't want him looking at them like they were Prince. Howard said Al was going to save the studio but then he stopped getting calls. Howard said it's just awful.
Howard asked Al if he stopped going out and worried about it affecting his life. Al said he did think about how it could end his career. He said he thought about going back to the architecture career. Al said he lives well within his means. He said he always remembers what it's like working for minimum wage. Howard said then the Nirvana song parody came out and he did really well with that.
Howard said Al is there because he's out on tour. Howard said it's the Mandatory Fun Tour. Howard said it's Al and his band and costume changes. Al said he has like 3 more costume changes than Lady Gaga does. He said that they have a big screen on stage and they'll do a song and some funny videos while he's changing. He said he does a show for about 2 hours. He said it's the one work out he does.
Howard asked about Lady Gaga letting him do a parody of her song. Al said they were working with her manager and he gave them a hard time. He said it wasn't so easy. Al said they weren't going to approve it if they didn't hear the song. Al said they had to record the song and send it off to them and then they said no. He said what he did was put it online and told everyone that it didn't get approved. He said that he wanted the fans to hear it and within 24 hours the media went nuts on it. He said TMZ was asking why she didn't let him do it. Lady Gaga said she was fine with him doing it and she had no idea they were turning it down. Howard played some of the parody that they were talking about.
Howard asked who tours with Al. Al said they do a 2 hour show so it's just him. He said he doesn't want anyone to burst their bladder.
Howard said Al opened for the Monkees too. Al said he and Jimi Hendrix did. He said not at the same time though. Al said they didn't pay him what they said they were going to pay him though.
Howard asked if he gets into politics. Al said that he is but he doesn't get into it publicly. Howard said he wonders who he is supporting. Howard said he's very religious and no cursing. Howard said he never drinks or drugs. Al said he drinks but rarely. Howard said he's mostly vegan so that's liberal hippy. Howard said he's not sure who he is.
Howard said Al is going out on tour and you can get more information on WeirdAl.com
Howard said Al is also going to be the band leader on Comedy BangBang starting on June 3 on IFC. Howard said he doesn't know the show. Al said he's not alone. Howard said Al is going to be playing keyboards. Al said he's the whole band. Al said he's very excited about it. He said it's all filmed already. Howard said it's great to see Al. He said it's been a few years. Al said it's the first time this millennium. Howard gave him some more plugs, wrapped up and went to break. They played Kid Rock performing ''All Summer Long'' in the Howard Stern show studio as they were going to break.
Howard said they don't have Bugaloo dudes here in the United States. Howard said it must have had something to do with something in England. Howard said Sal Governale is 1/4 Bugaloo dude.
Howard said here is an anniversary today. Howard asked Fred for some music. Fred played some tympany. Howard said he wants something else. Howard said he needs some anniversary music. Fred played a few other things. Howard said 20 years ago this month they announced their Robin song contest. He said they got over 5000 entries. Howard said the winner was Ham Hands Bill. Howard played some of his winning entry. Howard said this was the creepy Robin song that told the story of Robin's dad. Howard said kudos to Robin for being able to laugh at this. Howard said Ham Hands Bill took on the roll of her father. Howard said he brought them right into the room.
Howard said he remembers Bill talking about writing 3 drafts of the song before he was happy with the outcome. Howard said he would just write down notes and riff with the notes. Howard said he has the song to refresh the memories of the fans. Howard played the Ham Hands Bill song parody where he talks about why he has ham hands and why Robin likes high colonics and likes taking it in the third input.
Howard said back then it wasn't so easy to enter a contest. He said you had to record it on a cassette and mail it in. Howard wondered if he has out takes of that song. He said he should ask Bill. He hopes he has a vault like Prince does.
Howard said the best part of the contest was the prize was a Jet Ski and Bill was in a wheelchair. Howard played a clip from the show when Bill came in for the first time.
Howard said that was more embarrassing than when they gave Chris Reeve ice skates. Howard said it was kind of weird meeting him. Howard said Bill had a head injury at the age of 20 and he was paralyzed on the right side. Howard said he can stand for short periods of time. Howard said they made the mistake of giving Stephen Hawking a trampoline too. Howard said Ham Hands Bill sold that Jet Ski for $3,800 to one of the listeners. Howard said Bill is sort of a one hit wonder. He said that he has sent in other songs but this is the only one that worked. Howard said he did open the floodgates for other fans. Howard said he gives Bill a big round of applause for that because they had thousands of songs that followed. Howard said without Ham Hands they wouldn't have had this. He played a few clips of song parodies about Robin that they've gotten. Howard said he has 5 pages of back piled song parodies.
Fred said that Ham Hands Bill did send in a Baba Booey song parody that came close. Howard said he also sent in a ''Robin Fucked a Stranger Tonight'' song parody. Howard said it just isn't quite as good as the original. Howard played this new song that he was talking about. Ham Hands Bill did a parody about Robin to the tune of ''Luck Be a Lady.'' It was recorded shitty just like the original parody he sent in. Howard said he kind of likes it. He said it's not the one from 20 years ago but there is some magic in there.
Howard said he likes that he completely ignores the melody. Howard said Ham Hands Bill is a true pioneer in perversion. Howard said he doesn't have Bill on the phone because you can't understand him anyway. Robin said they might have been able to ask how many passes he did. Howard asked if he has to break. Fred told him to do a live. Howard said he doesn't know how much he loves doing them. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Robin who she's looking for. Robin said that she can't describe him if Howard doesn't know who it is. Howard asked who it is. Howard asked if she would date Peter Dinklage. Robin said she's not sure what he's like as a person. Robin said that she likes him as an actor. Robin said she does like Jake Gyllenhaal. Howard said maybe a shorter version of Jake Gyllenhaal. Howard said Peter is very talented. Howard said there is the height difference. Robin said Peter is married to a normal height person. Howard said Robin has no problem with that. Robin said she was attracted to Steve O at one point. Robin said she was but then he got way bad. Howard said maybe a Michael Strahan type. Robin said she's not big into athletes. Howard said Robin is all over the place. He said he probably is too. Howard said Peter Dinklage is a good looking dude. Howard said he thought she was into Penn Jillette and Chris Darden. Robin wasn't into Clarence Clemons. Gary said Joe Frazier was into Robin too. Howard had a clip of Clarence talking to Robin on the show.
Howard said he would have gone out with him. Howard said Robin just wasn't into it. Howard asked if she ever called him. Robin said no.
Howard said he heard he took that $3,800 and invested it and now he's a millionaire. Bill said it took him like 3 days to write the song and get it in. Howard asked if he was shocked he won. Bill said he was. He said that he was very happy that he was one of the finalists. He said they judged the final 5 and he got 37 points out of 40. Howard said he gets the impression that was the highlight of his life.
Howard asked Bill what he was thinking with the new song. Bill explained that to Howard and he thought that it was a good idea since they play a lot of Sinatra. Howard said they don't play a lot of Sinatra. Bill was going on and on and Howard said he's bored now.
Bill said he did send in a song parody about Baba Booey. He said they should be playing that. Howard played the new song parody that Bill sent in. Howard had to ask what some of the lyrics were. Robin said that she resents some of the lack of historical details. Howard told Bill to call back in another 20 years. bill said he'll be there but he doesn't want Howard to retire. Howard said he'll come out of retirement for the 40th anniversary of the song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves the new song parody. He said keep it in rotation. Howard said maybe Bill isn't a one hit wonder. Bill said Robin sat on his lap that day too so it's the 20th anniversary of that. Howard said this is like his White Album. Howard thanked Bill for calling in. Bill asked Fred to play the song about Gary. Fred played that before Howard wrapped up.
Howard said they should start a festival called Creepchella. He said he'd go see that.
Robin started her news with a story about the penis transplant. Robin said they had one in China in 2008 too. Robin asked why they weren't talking about it before now. Howard said it didn't get a lot of publicity. Howard said the Chinese one was the guy's penis. Howard said this is the first time a dead guy's penis was put on a living person. Robin said she'd like to know how it worked out for these other guys. Howard said sometimes it doesn't work out. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Robin said that the State Department is warning American's traveling to North Korea that they're risking long sentences in prison for things you don't even think about here. Robin said she's not sure why they have to warn people about this. Robin asked who is even going there. Howard said if you have to be warned about North Korea then you're a moron.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Kelly Ripa looked uncomfortable with Jimmy yesterday. Howard said he didn't get that feeling. Howard said Jimmy pointed the questions at Gellman. Mariann asked why she won't come in the studio. Howard said she must not want to.
Mariann asked if Howard has seen Amy Schumer going back and forth with the big girl thing. Robin said she is sort of right about that. She flip flops on it. She said sometimes she embraces it and sometimes she's offended. Howard said she does get upset when people say she's fat but then she goofs on her own body. He said he's not sure what to say other than he kind of doesn't care. He said he does like a very thin woman. He said he has friends who make fun of him for liking women who almost aren't there. He said that Taylor Swift is almost like Olive Oyl. He said she had bad tits though. Howard said he likes Taylor Swift. He said she could lose 5 pounds and he'd be happy. Howard said he's always liked those types. He said Karen Carpenter was too chubby for him.
Robin read a story about people being warned about staying away from Bison out in Utah. Robin said a bison calf had to be euthanized because people picked it up and put it in their vehicle thinking it was cold and hungry. Howard asked why they had to put it down. Robin said it must have been injured.
Robin read a story about an 11 year old girl who was scalped on a ride at a carnival. Robin said the ride operator ran away and the father of the girl had to stop the ride. Robin said the girl is recovering from the injury now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he needs some advice. He said his girlfriend hates that he listens to him and watches porn and she'll leave him if he doesn't stop. Howard asked how much she weighs. The caller said maybe like 120. He said she's really hot. Howard asked if she's movie star hot or model hot. The caller said somewhere in the middle. Howard asked how much sex he gets. He said every night. Howard said he says give up the show and porn. Howard said that he doesn't have to tell her he watches porn. Howard said he confessed to his wife he does that but you don't have to tell her. The caller said she likes to investigate his history when she's home. He said she can find it somehow. Howard asked if she really gave him an ultimatum about him. He said she hears him in the car. The caller said she thinks he has sick ideas from listening to Howard. Robin said it sounds like she doesn't like him. Robin said he should get out of this.
The caller said the girlfriend is wild in bed and she likes anal. Howard said this is a tough call. He said she's super hot and into anal. Howard said the caveat is not to listen to the Stern Show. Howard said she's hot. He asked if she swallows his load. the caller said she does. They're both 27 and they've been together for a year. He said she has a huge ass but it's nice. Howard asked if it's like a Kardashian ass. The caller said it is. He said her nips are big.
Robin asked if she asks him to go to church. He said no and he probably wouldn't. Howard asked if she talks dirty in bed. The caller said not really. Robin asked if he can bring in another woman. He said no because she can't even take it when he looks at women on the web.
Howard asked if she smells good down there. The caller said she does. Howard asked if she cups his balls when she blows him. He said sometimes. He said he's not into the balls thing much. Howard asked if she's racist. She said only when she's listening to hip hop. Howard asked if she's ever stuck a finger in his ass. He said maybe once or twice. Howard asked how she feels about the Jews. The caller said it's never come up. She doesn't like Howard though.
Howard said he thinks he should listen to him in secret and learn to clear his history on the web. The caller said he uses Incognito mode and she still knows. Howard said he jerks off all the time and you can't find his history. Howard said he clears it all the time. He said if you look at his history it's just NPR. The caller said he might have to start watching on his phone. Howard said he should stick with her but lie a lot. Howard said he's in for a rough road if she's not into fun. Howard said he doesn't like women who give ultimatums either. He said if she's that hot he's not sure. Howard said he'd keep her after hearing more about what she does. Howard asked how long he was going out with her before she told him to stop with that stuff. The caller said only in the last month or so. Howard said he should buy some old fashioned magazines and jerk off to those. The caller said those are boring. Howard let the guy (Carson) go after that.
Howard wondered if he's going to tell her that he was on today. Howard said it will only get worse. He said these are the same questions he'd ask any child. He said they're things he has to know.
Robin read a story about McDonald's testing some burgers that are fresh and never frozen beef. Robin said they're testing in the Dallas area. Howard said he wishes people would just stop eating that shit. He said just say no. Robin said it would be a major change for McDonald's if they did this since they've always used frozen meat. Howard said he can't believe there are still places people go to murder cows and eat them. Howard said Jason is eating a pig head in another place.
Robin read a story about George Zimmerman still trying to sell the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin. Howard said that guy is nuts. He said he got away with it to just lay low. Robin said people have said he has the right to sell it. Howard said you do but where's his decency. Howard said you'd think he'd want to fade away and change his name or something. Howard said he got off from the shooting and he should lay low. Howard said this is rubbing it in people's faces. Robin said he has put the gun up on an auction site for the third time.
Robin read a story about some anti aging tests that are being done on dogs. Robin said they took a Border Collie and it has improved the dog's heart health. Robin said they are checking for side effects in dogs with the tests. Howard said he would love to shave 20 years off. Robin asked who wouldn't? Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he was in heaven last night. He said he got an advance copy of Banshee and watched it. He said it's the last episode that airs this Friday. Robin said she turned Howard on to that show. Robin said she likes a show called ''Outlander'' and she thinks Beth would be into that. Howard said he liked a show called Highlander. Robin said she thinks Howard would like this one too. She told Howard what it's about. Howard said he's not sure if he'd like that. Howard talked about the things he'd like to invent if he went back in time in a show like that. Howard said he can't invent anything even though he lives in times that we live in. Howard said just his luck he'd want to invent toilet paper but paper hasn't even been invented. Howard said his skill is he can talk well. Howard said he doesn't even have time for more shows. He said he's watching Dr. Jen with Bam Margera. Howard said she's making some real headway with Bam. Howard said he's not drinking so far. Howard said it's very exciting.
Robin asked what the sound of Howard's mother's voice would do his brain. Howard said his mother has white coat syndrome now. Howard said she goes and has high blood pressure but she goes home and she's fine. Howard said she gets upset about doctors. Robin read about research that found that several areas of a child's mind are activated when a mother speaks.
Robin read a story about women who go to church have a better chance of living longer. Howard said Robin tried that out for a while. Robin said she has looked for something but she didn't find anything. Howard said Robin wanted to find a guy. Robin said she figured there might be a nice guy there but she didn't find one. Howard said he'd rather enjoy his Sundays and die a few days earlier.
Robin read a story about Megyn Kelly doing a prime time special and Donald Trump will be on the show. Howard said they asked him to be on that show too. Howard said it's too much work to do a show. He said he would like to look at her but he doesn't want to be on TV. Howard said he'd like to go on and just look at her. Howard said he was asked to do it but he doesn't want to be interviewed anymore. Robin asked if he's retiring. Howard said he's not but he doesn't want to do them.
Robin read a story about an outbreak of Chicken Pox in the Orthodox Jewish community in Brooklyn. Robin said they've had 75 cases since March. Robin said they're not taking vaccines. Robin said people don't get stuff like this anymore. Howard said he had it. Howard said his kids had it so there is no vaccine. Robin said she thinks there is. Robin said there is a vaccine. Howard said he thinks there is an outbreak on Benjy's face.
Robin said a study finds that exercise can help fight off cancer. Robin said they say it can fight off many types of cancer. Howard said that running used to make him doody more and he thinks that is true. He said he doesn't run so much now though.
Robin read a story about heart attacks and how half of them are silent. Robin said they say that half the people who have them don't realize they're having one. Robin said that's scary.
Robin read a story about a basketball player who described his opponents in a way that has gotten a lot of attention. Robin had a clip. Howard played it and the guy said they were ''quick little monkeys.'' Robin said he's from New Zealand. Robin said he found out it wasn't a good thing to say. Robin said he had to apologize for what he said.
Robin said they have some primaries today. Robin said it's Oregon and Kentucky and they say it could be a toss up in Kentucky between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton.
Robin said there are two brothers going to jail over a hate crime and they claim that it has to do with Donald Trump. Robin said the brothers say that Trump is right and these illegals have to go home. Robin said this man is a citizen. Robin said they told the police they thought he was an illegal immigrant.
Robin read about how John Kasich is saying he's not going to make a last minute bid to run as a third party. Howard said no one cared before so no one would care if he did. Robin read a story about a politician who posted a screen shot from his computer and it had two porn sites on it. Robin said guys like porn so stop pretending it's not happening.
Robin read about how Amal Clooney had a very elegant way of taking on Donald Trump the other day. Robin had some audio of her talking about Trump. Robin said she had never heard her speak before.
Robin said Jon Stewart is talking about the election. Robin had some audio clips of Jon talking about Trump and how he may not be eligible to run because he is a man baby. Robin said Jon made those statements on The Axe Files podcast.
Robin read a story about President Obama declaring that all schools that are federally funded will allow transgender kids use the bathroom they feel they are supposed to. Robin had audio of a woman who was harassed outside a bathroom because a woman thought she wasn't a woman. Robin said this woman posted a video last Friday and she was threatened when people saw the story. Robin said this woman just had a short hair cut because she donated her hair to a place that makes wigs for children who have cancer. Howard said this whole thing is spiraling out of control.
Howard said he saw a woman running through Target screaming about transgender bathrooms as a mother of 12. Howard said he just wants her to shut the fuck up. Howard had the clip of the woman screaming. Howard said the video is great because the employees are standing around laughing at her. Howard said this went on and on. Howard said he could play hours of this. JD said there were people who came with her but she got yelled at too. Howard said that is an annoying woman. He wants to put that on a loop to keep himself from cumming. Howard said imagine you're one of her 12 kids and you're getting constant lessons from this woman. Howard said he doesn't need to see video to know what this woman looks like.
Robin said they found Sinead O'Connor. Robin said she disappeared on Sunday when she went for a bike ride. Robin said they were worried that she was suicidal but the have found her. Robin said she's not sure where she went. Howard said maybe she was in a Target screaming.
Robin read a story about the death of Emilio Navaira. Robin said she hesitates to play any of his songs. Howard said he'll listen. He played some and said he loves this. Robin said he was 53 years old. Howard said that's awfully young.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon brought up the Ham Hands Bill anniversary. Gary said that opened the door to Robin song parodies. He said that she has more parodies than any others on the show.
Jon said they talked about Ronnie today and how he had Tittie Tuesday. Jon said he was doing all of this stuff before Howard gets in the car. Gary said that Ronnie claims he's not doing it but he's retweeting them. Tom said he thinks that he's agreeing with those people. Jon said Ronnie has tweeted over 40,000 times. Tom said that's a lot. He said he must have a ton of retweets. Gary said he's retweeting like he's a horny high school kid. He said a grown man should not be tweeting out Tittie Tuesday. Rahsaan said he's not the average 65 year old.
Gary said it would be great if Ronnie just tweeted news one day instead of sex. He said it's all sex stuff. Jon said he is obsessed with sex. Gary said Ronnie stared out the window on the flight to Vegas once and maybe he's just running a porn in his head.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred's impersonation of Ronnie destroys him. He said Fred contributes a lot to the show and that impression is great. He said he's a main character that Howard should pull out of the toolbox a lot.
Jon said he thinks Fred takes glee in that. Gary asked Tom who his favorite staff member is. Tom said Gary is. He said they play hockey together. Gary said he just puts on the equipment, Tom is Canadian so he plays. Gary asked who he likes the best really. Tom said he thinks that Fred is great too.
Jon said Howard knows very little about sports. He said he sees it as a waste of time. Jon said they have a tough time coming to grips with that. Gary said Howard tried to explain why you should be into the sports team of the city you live in to Bill Simmons. Gary said that's not the way it works. Tom said where you come from those are your guys. Gary said Howard says you should support the city you live in. Tom said that's rough. He said he won't take Howard down on the sports thing. He said he's a sports guy and the time you spend watching your team could be put to better use but it's something you just can't explain.
Tom said last night he got home around 10 and he watched the stuff he had taped. He said he watched two games he recorded. He said he kind of prefers it that way. He said that way he can gun through the stoppages.
Gary said they have a no TV during dinner rule in his house. He said he only has one exception and that's for certain games. He said that they don't take phone calls unless it's Howard.
Jon said anything goes in his house. He said the phone thing bothers him but they do their thing and he will leave the game on during dinner. They went to break after that.
Jon brought up the time Artie and KC put on the Superman outfit when it was up there. Gary said KC put it on and he looked like Superman. He said Artie almost ripped it.
Jon said Howard talked about the Khaleesi getting naked again. Jon said he doesn't want to spoil it for anyone but she got naked again. Gary said that she should have been fully nude. Gary said she was only shown from the chest up. Jon said she has said she doesn't want to do it. Jon asked Tom where he stands on this. Tom said he's not allowed to get naked. He said they have to keep the show running. Tom said if Howard pressured the woman into getting naked then he should be running for president. Tom also said he doesn't care about spoilers. He said we've all been victims of that. Tom said he has had games spoiled for him and that's the risk you take when you don't watch live. Rahsaan asked if they watch if it's spoiled. Tom said no but Jon said he will.
Jon said he wants to talk about Weird Al for a second. He said three acts have had hits in the 80s, 90s and 2000s. He said that Madonna, Michael Jackson and Weird Al are those three. Gary said that some people's careers just keep going on and on. He said that Howard has done that. Gary said Weird Al is still doing it after 30 years. Gary said some people say anyone can do it but if that's the case then why isn't everyone doing it?
Jon said you think of Al as a one hit wonder but he's not. Tom said people don't need sophistication all the time. He said people just want to laugh. He said Al has tapped into something.
Gary said that he found out about the Smells like Teen Spirit thing was when Nirvana's record company sent him the Weird Al video.
Jon said Al was also sent a telegram telling him not to look Prince in the eye at the awards show. Gary said he also sent it to the members of Night Ranger. Jon said he guesses that Prince can do that. Gary said he would have stared the guy down if he got that letter. Gary said he's going to look where he's going to look. He said he doesn't care who you are.
Jon asked if there was any talk of bringing Sour Shoes in to meet Weird Al. Gary said Sour doesn't really do song parodies. He said they're just the songs done in a weird voice. The caller said that they're both weird though. Gary said Al has Weird in his name but Sour is actually weird. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said they should talk about Robin. Jon said Howard told Robin that Andy Samberg might be her type. Jon said he wasn't sure why he was saying that. He said if you look at her dating past it's hard to say what her type is. Gary said she's dated a bunch of different types. Gary said they named a lot that liked Robin but Robin didn't like back. Jon said he thinks that she just liked to date. She went on a date with Dennis Rodman once. Gary said she thought he was a nice guy too. Gary said that none of the guys have a similar quality. Jon said that Andy is married anyway so he won't date Robin.
Tom said that Robin is a woman of the people. Rahsaan said he thinks Robin is content as a woman and she doesn't need to date anyone. Gary said that she's not like she needs to find a man to have a happy life.
Jon said one of his favorite things was when Sal said he thought he could date Robin and make her happy. Gary said Stuttering John went out with Robin and kissed her. He said he thinks a lot of people think they can get her. Gary said just the fact that Robin got in a car with John made him think that he could get her. Jon brought up the Ham Hands Bill song anniversary too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks UHF was a cult classic. Gary said it is but it flopped at the box office. Jon said the movie tested amazingly well. Jon said he's not sure why that happened. Jon said Seinfeld tested horribly but then it was a huge success.
Tom said you need to look at the people through the glass once to see who is in charge of your destiny. He said you have people love the test screening and then the show doesn't last. He said he's not sure you can hedge your bet that way. Jon said Al had a slump for about 3 years but then he came out of it.
Jon asked Rahsaan for an update on what they had coming up on Sternthology. Jon got in some plugs and wrapped up. They were done around 12:05pm.
Howard started the show talking about how they're going to do something really funny to start the show. Howard said Bobo called in with a question this morning and they have him talking to Sal right now. Howard said they're keeping him busy. Howard said Bobo was talking to Shuli the other day and he said he can't ask good questions. He said Shuli came up with a great one for Bobo but he told him if he tells him he wrote it for him Howard will fire him.
Howard said this is Bobo and Shuli talking the other day. He played a clip and Shuli told Bobo he overheard Howard saying no one ever asks him about art. Bobo thanked him for the help. Shuli told Bobo what to ask about a certain artist and the painting he did.
Howard said that what's going to happen is that he'll pick up on Bobo and he'll ask the question and then he'll tell him it's the shittiest one ever and he's going to find out who gave it to him. He said he thinks Bobo will throw Shuli under the bus. Robin said he has to threaten to ban him from the show. Howard asked Fred if he thinks he'll spill the beans. Fred said he will but it'll take a couple of tries. Benjy said he thinks he won't want to give Shuli's name. He said he'll give it but not say Shuli's name. Howard said he'll threaten to ban him for the summer. Benjy said he thinks he'll give Shuli's name.
Howard said he's going to get Bobo on soon. Howard said they'll take some calls this morning. Howard said something is up with the phones. He said he doesn't see the caller. Howard had a clip of Jeff the Drunk announcing who is on the show today. The have Andy Samberg coming in.
Howard said that he's a little bit pissed. He said Andy has a new movie out and he wanted to watch it. Howard said the studios have a thing set up so they can stop piracy. He said he was watching the movie and he was about 25 minutes in. He said he's laughing hysterically. He said he's totally digging it but then this Pix box craps out and he can't finish watching the movie.
Howard said he has to take some calls. He took a call from Bobo and told him that he's getting email from him about his questions sucking. Robin said he beat Jeff the Drunk as most hated the other day. Bobo said he felt pretty bad about that. He said he shows Howard respect when he calls and he doesn't smoke pot and doesn't give out phone numbers like Jeff does.
Howard asked Bobo if he has any questions today. Bobo asked if Howard is still painting and ran down some of the stuff that Shuli fed him the other day. Howard said he has to tell him something. Howard said that's a pretty good question. He asked why it strikes him as something that someone else wrote for him. Howard said there is no way he came up with that. He asked about Paul Sazon and Rembrandt. Bobo said his mother was a painter so he knows. Bobo said Vincent Van Gough came up too and Bobo gave him some facts about him. Howard said he never said on the air that he likes Sazon. He said someone else had to come up with that.
Howard asked Bobo if he wrote that question. Bobo said he writes them all but he has some help sometimes. Howard said this show is about honesty. Howard said he feels he's being dishonest. Howard said it's probably the greatest one he's ever asked and this is out of sync with what he asks. Howard said Bobo knows it. Robin asked if he looked for help. Bobo said he got seasoned a little bit. Howard asked what he's talking about. Bobo said someone helps him out a little bit. He said it's the fans. Howard said that has to be someone on the inside because no one knows about his love of Sazon except someone who works there. Howard said Bobo is lying to him again. He said he promised him he wouldn't lie to him again.
Howard told Bobo that he has to tell him the truth. Bobo said he can't lie to him. He said he had to come up with a good question. Howard said his last couple were awful and he understands the pressure. Howard said he feels like he's not telling him the truth. Howard said his truth meter is going off. Howard said someone is feeding Bobo information. Howard told him to come clean. Howard asked Bobo what's going on. Bobo said it's Sal. Howard said he's going to fire Sal over this. Sal came in and said he didn't give him anything. Howard said Sal is fired. Sal asked how fucking dare Bobo do that to him. Howard told Sal to pack his shit and get out.
Howard said he has to let Sal go. He said he loves him and he will give him a recommendation but he can't trust him. Sal said Bobo is lying. He said he had better come clean. Howard said Bobo would never lie to him. Bobo told Sal not to lie to him. Bobo sighed and said they put him in such a ''cragmire'' (quagmire) there. Bobo said he was at an all time low. Bobo said he can't do that to Sal. Sal said he's a low life piece of shit.
Howard asked Sal if he gave Bobo that question. Sal said he didn't. Howard asked Bobo if he wasn't being honest. Bobo said he has to be truthful. He said it wasn't Sal. Howard asked who it was. Bobo said this is the hardest ever. Bobo said he had a temporary lapse in his judgment. He said he always crafts his own. Howard told him to just give it to him so he can handle this.
Howard said he has to ban Bobo if he doesn't give up the information. Bobo said he has to go to church if he gives this up. He said he doesn't lie. He said he goes to church and prays all the time. Howard said he's a little more important than church. Robin asked how he lied about Sal then. Howard said he has to ban Bobo for the summer. He said if he would be honest with him he wouldn't have to do this. Howard had Fred prepare to lock in the ban. Howard said he'll count down to 1 and ban Bobo. Howard went from 5 to 1 and then Bobo broke. Bobo asked if they can try to guess who it was. Howard said no. Bobo said it's hard to give this guy up. He asked Howard to go easy on him. He said he's sorry but he has to give up his name. He said it was Shuli. Howard said he knew it.
Howard said he's glad Bobo gave it up. He said he almost fired Sal. Howard told Shuli to get in there because he has to fire him. Shuli came in all down. Howard said he knew it was Shuli. Shuli said Bobo was stressing out and he was trying to help. Howard said you can't do that and give that information to him. Shuli said he doesn't do this for anyone. Sal said he almost got fired because of Shuli. He said Shuli is a spineless jellyfish.
Howard said he bets that Shuli told Bobo not to tell him. Bobo said he thought it would be a good question. Bobo said he doesn't remember him telling him not to tell Howard. Howard asked Shuli where he's going to work now. He said he's a broken down comic. Howard thanked Bobo for doing this. He said he gave him a shot on radio when he was pushing people around in a wheelchair at the airport. Howard said he has to fire him. Bobo said he has children. Howard said that's too bad.
Howard asked Shuli how long he's been writing for Bobo. Bobo said he doesn't love the emails the get and he needed some help. Bobo was freaking out so they told him to calm down.
Howard broke the news to Bobo that they told Shuli to call him the other day. Howard said he and Robin had a bet going about giving up Shuli. Howard said he gave him up just like they thought he would. Shuli said it was amazing that he gave up Sal like that. Shuli said it didn't bother him when he threw him under the bus. Howard said he never should have given up Shuli. Bobo said he can't lie to Howard. Sal said he did lie to him. Howard said it was interesting that he protected Shuli and gave up Sal. Bobo said he likes both of them. Sal said his kids were about to be out on the street. Howard said they just pranked Bobo. He said they have to work out goofs to make him interesting. Howard said they put the whole organization into it to make him interesting.
Shuli said he's surprised he gave him up. He said he really didn't think he would. Bobo said that he had Howard saying that he can't lie to him and he had to give it up. Howard said he loved that he gave Sal up. Howard said this is like what goes on in court every day. Howard said this is why innocent people go to prison. Shuli said they can try it with someone else in a few months. He said it was an interesting social experiment.
Howard asked why Shuli's family was more important than Sal's was. Bobo said it was tough. He said Shuli talks to him more. He said Sal was on his mind too though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Bobo does this on purpose just to use the word quagmire. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is showing that he's just dumb. Howard took another call from a guy who said Bobo has to go. He said this toupee wearing douche bag has to go. Howard played a song parody about Bobo after that.
Howard said he had a few new phrases that he used today. Howard played another song parody about him and took a call from a woman who asked whose dick she has to suck to keep Bobo off the air. Howard said it's either his or Fred's. The caller said Bobo lied to him the whole time so he should be banned. Howard said he did come clean. Bobo said it was in under 5 minutes. Howard said he threw Sal and Shuli under the bus. Howard played another song parody about Bobo's calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they did the Maury Povich prank with Sal. He said he almost threw up thinking Shuli was gone. He said they got him good. Howard said he didn't hear the setup then. Howard said they all knew what was going on but Sal didn't know Bobo was going to blame him.
Howard said it was a great call. Sal said he's great at being a lying asshole. He said he's found his niche. Howard played another song parody about Bobo's awful calls. They went to break after that.
Howard said he's wondering what's going on with Ozzy and Sharon. Howard said he can put them on the phone. He said they can find out what's going on.
Howard had fake Ozzy (Billy Mira) on the phone first. Fake Ozzy asked what the fuck is going on. Howard said it sounds like Sharon is leaving him. Ozzy asked why no one told him. He said he thought he had died when he saw the Paparazzi outside his house. He said he noticed it was really quiet around there. He said no one cares when he fucks his hairdresser. He said he told Sharon he was getting 19 haircuts a week. Robin said she heard it was an affair or an emotional affair. Howard asked if Ozzy has been watching The Talk. Ozzy said fuck that show. He said he thinks they're all fucking Les Moonves.
Howard said right now he has Sharon on the phone. He picked up on fake Sharon who calls Ozzy a cocksucker. Ozzy goofed on her voice and Sharon said he sounds like a stroke victim who has a dick stuck in his mouth. Ozzy said Sharon has cheated on him too.
Sharon's phone connection was really bad so it was hard to understand her lines. Howard said as a fan of the two of them this is really sad. Howard asked if there is any chance of a reconciliation. Sharon said of course there is. Howard asked Sharon where she's calling from. Howard said you wouldn't know that they set this up. Sharon said she's in Los Angeles. Ozzy and Sharon called each other a few names. Ozzy said he loves Sharon. Sharon said she loves him too and asked him to come back to her. Ozzy asked her to bring her sisters. Howard said it's a reconciliation. Howard asked if they are falling in love again. They got back together after that.
Howard said that they just went on that ride where Ozzy called her a cunt and then she took him back. Howard said he's happy now that they're back together. Howard let them go after that.
Howard said he never knows what's going on with them. Howard said he thinks that they actually are back together. Robin said that may have been a business thing. Howard said that was the conversation they would like to have with the real Ozzy and Sharon. Howard said it's been quite a morning so far.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to get rid of Bobo for the summer again. He said that this could have been really bad for Sal or Shuli and not so much for Bobo. Howard said he doesn't have the heart to get rid of Bobo for the summer. Howard said it's once a day for a minute or two. The caller said as long as he limits it just to that he's fine.
Howard said they were talking about Game of Thrones yesterday. Howard said they thought they had something to do with getting the Khaleesi naked again. Howard said some people thought it may have been a special effect or a body double. Howard said he wanted to find out if she really was naked. Howard said he thought it was a great scene. Howard said with all of the trickery it may not have been her. Howard said her breasts looked amazing in it. Robin said she still hasn't seen it. Howard said they got in touch with Mr. Skin. He said here's what he says...
Howard played a clip of Mr. Skin talking about in season one and two she was really topless. He said they did an overlay of one of her other nude scenes with the current one and you can see the breasts were her breasts. Mr. Skin said they are the same breasts. He said they did their homework and it was her 100 percent. Robin said that is some analysis. Howard said that really is something else. He said you can take that to the bank. Howard said this guy is the Steven Hawking of tits.
Howard said he has some phony phone calls to play. He asked Robin if she wants to hear Bernie Sanders call Wendy the Slow Adult or Gene Simmons calling a public affairs show talking about Prince. Robin said she wants to hear. Robin said she wants to hear Bernie and Wendy.
Howard played a call where they had fake Bernie Sanders call Wendy asking her about eating out of dumpsters. He said he could assure her that he can bring premium food to her dumpster if he's elected president. Wendy said her only choice is Donald Trump and she told Bernie to fuck off. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has someone here with a Wendy the Slow Adult question. Howard said the person asked what her last name is. Howard said it's ''Adult'' as far as he knows. Howard said that he wanted to know how to get her Wishlist on Amazon. Howard said that he's not sure how all of that works. He said Jimmy Kimmel was able to figure that out. Howard said Wendy is 36 years old now. He said she seems much older.
Howard asked Gary how to find the wish list. Jason said that you can search her name but you can't send it to her because her address isn't on Amazon. Howard said the whole thing is kind of retarded.
Howard said someone told him not to go see Hamilton because he'll hate it. Howard said the guy who wrote the musical wrote for Sesame Street so it's not all that great. Howard said he's going to go see it. Howard said enough people told him that it's great so he's going to see it.
Howard said Larry David was in the paper saying that he loves that show but a lot of white people are saying they love it just because they think they have to. Howard said he will tell the truth about it after he sees it. Howard said he'll be the final say in this whole thing.
Howard said yesterday he told Robin how confusing Game of Thrones is but he still watches it. Howard said he doesn't know names and he still just calls Peter Dinklage by his real name. Howard said this fan is very angry with them over that. Howard read that email and the writer said they're some of the dumbest niggas around. Howard said the person asked them to stop watching the show.
Howard said people wrote in about Jason going to eat the pig head and eating its eyes. Howard read some feedback about that. Howard said people were asking how anyone can eat pigs eyes like that.
Howard had some email feedback about some phony phone calls that they've been playing lately. Howard had a bunch about the Trump call to the Mexican builder guy.
Howard said a guy called in yesterday asking for advice about his girlfriend. Howard said he told him to stick with her even though she wants him to stop listening to the show. Howard said someone wrote in and said stay with her until he finds someone better and then dump her.
Howard said someone's fantasy was to hear him interview Steve Martin and that came true. Howard said he also loved having Jimmy in studio.
Howard said someone wrote in about how Robin should be with a Samuel L. Jackson or Benicio del Toro type. Robin said she would go with the Samuel type. Robin said Benicio is too swarthy.
Howard took a call from a guy who saw Rob Zombie last night and he was incredible. Howard said Rob Zombie has one of the best on stage presences. He said the guy still has it. The caller said he put on an awesome show. He said that Disturbed was there too but Rob was the best.
Howard said it was an honor to get to go into the studio with Rob and record. Howard played his ''More Human Than Human'' and said this is a great song. Howard said he might be the most talented guy in rock. Howard asked Robin if she thinks she can improve this song. Fred played some audio of Robin singing over that song.
Howard said there's a guy who wants to prove that the World Trade Center buildings were taken down by something other than the planes. Howard had audio of the guy talking about how they're going to purchase a building and crash a plane into it with a full load of fuel. The guy said they want to find out what happens to the building to find out if 9/11 was a hoax or real. Robin said there is a theory that the planes didn't take the building down. Howard asked if they have anyone working there who believes that. Howard said if they do they might want to get rid of them. Howard said when you hear someone talking about that what is the theory. Gary said he's heard a couple. He said one is that we wanted to start a war. He said there's a theory that 7 World Trade was brought down because they had documents in there they didn't want anyone to see.
Howard said he grew up in a black neighborhood and he was exposed to Dick Gregory early on. Howard said he would watch him as much as he could. Howard said he was the coolest and funniest guy but then he stopped doing comedy and became an activist. Howard said then he was a conspiracy guy. Howard said he can't relate to anything he says now.
Howard said they have a tape of Dick Gregory and he thinks everything is a conspiracy. Howard said this makes him sad actually. Howard said Dick thinks Prince was killed. Howard said he has the whole thing figured out. Then when he doesn't he just yells at people. Howard played the clip and Dick was talking about how Prince was killed and when he was asked why he was killed he said the white folks killed him but he's not qualified to answer that. Howard said he gets angry over all of that. Howard said he thinks the white people wait 10 years to kill Prince.
Howard said Dick Gregory was a brilliant comic and this kills him to hear him talking about this stuff. Howard said he has a theory about what happened there.
Howard played another clip of Dick Gregory talking about Michael Jackson being killed. Howard said he's so casual about these conspiracies. Howard said he's just saying ''Hey man, you know what happened.'' Howard said according to Dick Gregory no black celebrity has died of natural causes.
Howard said this one he can't even follow. He said it's Tupac's mom and Tom Hanks linked in some way. Howard played that and Dick said that the movie that just came out last Friday with Tom Hanks in it had a hologram in it and Tupac was the first hologram used so put two and two together. Howard laughed. He asked what he's talking about.
Howard said he can't tell you how it distresses him that Dick Gregory is talking about this stuff. Howard said this guy Alex Jones has an internet show. Howard said he comes up with some whacked out shit too. Howard said they had Alex Jones in there. Gary said he called in. Howard said he thought he was in there. JD said he was over ISDN. Howard said that's right. Howard said he didn't seem that crazy. Gary said the guys told him he's on the internet. Howard asked who the guys are that feed him this shit. It was Brent Hatley. Gary said he's glad Brent is in there. Gary asked Howard to let it go. Howard asked him why he would tell him how to run his show.
Brent told Howard Alex is on the internet and on some radio network. Gary said Brent has some questions about 9/11. Brent said he doesn't know what happened but building 7 fell into itself. He asked why it came down. Howard asked if he knows anything about buildings. Brent said no. Howard asked why he wouldn't just accept that it collapsed. Howard asked if anyone in government can come up with some big plan like this just to start a war. Brent said there was a guy who owned building 7 that got a big payout for taking it down. Brent said the other two had come down already. He said he even said that they decided to ''pull the building.'' Howard asked if he thinks Prince was killed. Brent said no. Howard asked about some of the other conspiracy theories and Brent didn't believe those. He did think that JFK wasn't shot by Oswald.
Howard played a clip of Alex Jones talking about Michelle Obama and thinking she's a man. Howard said that's just fucking crazy. Howard said this is like what Dick Gregory is doing. Howard said it's some kind of new thing that people are making money off of.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up 9/11 and why they're testing this plane thing. He said that the amount of fuel the plane had should have burned off without taking the building down. Howard said he believes the planes went into the buildings and took them down. Howard asked if he's crazy. The caller said the people who know the science say that doesn't change. Howard asked the caller what he thinks happened. The caller said it's way beyond him. He said that's why they're doing the testing. Howard said shit just happens when you fly planes into buildings.
Howard asked if he should get into this too. Brent said that Alex does this thing called money bombs where he asks his audience for money to build studios and stuff.
Howard played more of Alex Jones talking about thinking Michelle Obama is a transgender. Howard asked what this is. He played more of Jones saying that Joan Rivers is dead and she once said that everyone knows Michelle is a tranny. Howard said this is crazy.
Howard said Dick Gregory was brilliant but now he's reduced himself to this kind of stuff. Howard said it sounds insane. Brent said you have to pick and choose which ones to believe. Howard asked which ones he believes. Brent said the JFK thing. Brent talked about the brains coming out the back and that doesn't happen when you're shot from behind. Howard said that one is tough to disprove. Howard said other than that he hasn't heard one good conspiracy theory.
Brent asked about the CIA selling crack in L.A. in the early 80s. Howard said he can believe that. Howard said he remembers reading about how the government gave black people syphilis. Howard said maybe he can get into this.
Brent brought up a theory about AIDS being introduced by giving gay people what they thought was a vaccination. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard said the reason he heard AIDS came about was because they were making vaccines for something and they used monkey something or other to grow the vaccine and it came from that. Brent said that makes more sense to him than the story he heard.
Howard said Brent has theories on serial killers too. Brent said he studied them. He said he used to have a show about them. Howard asked Brent about who he thinks is the most evil. Brent mentioned a couple of guys like Jeffrey Dahmer and Tommy Lynn Sells who were pretty evil. Brent said that there was a guy named H.H. Holmes around the turn of the century. He said there's a movie coming out about him with Leonardo DiCaprio playing the guy. Brent said the zodiac killer was another one. Howard said that he's a conspiracy theorist.
Howard said they should come up with a show about that stuff. Howard said he has a theory but he can't prove it. Howard said he has a theory that Richard Simmons likes guys. Howard said he has never seen him on a date with a woman. Robin said he went out with her. Howard said there goes that theory. Howard asked if he fucked her. Robin said she will never tell.
Howard said he has to come up with just crazy shit and say it and it becomes a theory. Howard said David Hasselhoff has two penises.
Howard said he has a lot of respect for Dick Gregory based on his past career. Robin said she has run into him a few times on the plane or on a train. She said she says hello and he's very nice. Howard asked what she says to him. Robin said she just says hi. Robin said he doesn't seem crazy on the train. Gary said he thinks Trayvon Martin was killed to harvest his organs. He has a bunch of others. He thinks Cosby was taken down because of white supremacy.
Howard and Brent talked about Kim Jong Un and what's going on in North Korea. Brent said he was in the military and he said he killed someone back in 1991. He said he hates even bringing it up. He said it's a terrible feeling. He said he was in a helicopter and he had to take them out because they were shooting at the helicopter. He said it was a 50 caliber that he took them out with. Brent said that the oil fields were on fire in 1991 and they had about 1/8th of a mile visibility. He said he returned fire after asking for permission. Brent said the pilot is in charge of the aircraft and you have to ask permission before doing anything. He said he asked for permission and the pilot asked what he was waiting for.
Howard asked if he saw the guy go down. Brent said it was a bunch of guys firing at them and it was really scary. He said they took a couple of shots to the tail. He said the pilot flew really low and that can help from them getting hit. Brent said they had to go back and check the area to see what had gone on. He said that they went back and saw charred dead bodies and body parts.
Brent said you go back and see and there was a lot of death and destruction in Kuwait. He said he was 19 years old at the time. He said he signed up before he was out of high school. He ended up going into the Marine corps. He said he was going to go into the air force but they challenged him and he ended up doing that instead.
Howard said now he feels compelled to tell one of his stories. Howard asked Brent if he knows all of that tango terminology stuff. Brent said not really. Howard said he used to hear him talking about that stuff on Bubba's show and it was fascinating.
Howard said that's so heavy taking fire in the air. Brent said it really is. He said just a stray round can stop the rotor from spinning and you have no chance after that. He said the fighters over there were terrible. He said it's the same people who became ISIS. Howard asked if they could be taken out easily. Brent said they could but they'd have to put ground troops in Syria. He said that ISIS has about 30,000 fighters and it would take a couple hundred thousand to take them out.
Brent talked about how he had PTSD and how he cured it with weed. Howard said Brent has a theory that cancer can be cured by weed. Brent said it's been proven that it can.
Gary told Howard that Sal has a theory about Hillary Clinton killing someone and he thinks Brent would go with it. Gary said Sal has been coming to him all morning about that. Howard said Sal is practically retarded. Brent said that he is a comedic genius though.
Sal came in with the conspiracy theory about Hillary killing some guy and about how Obama has killed this country. He said we all know he's destroyed America. Robin asked how we're destroyed. Sal said he's not putting the military in Syria. Howard said it's another war we can't finish. Sal said the thugs are coming here and Obama is allowing it. Sal asked if he's kidding him. Robin said Sal is an empty vessel for hatred to be planted in. Sal said he's the most loving person.
Brent said he thinks all of our troops should be brought home from around the world. Howard asked Brent if he can debate a guy who believes a woman can talk to dead people. Sal said Hillary Clinton called a bunch of kids ''retards'' and that was on the internet. Brent said it's from a source that is like the Weekly World News. Howard said he's inclined to believe Sal because his bed levitated when he was a child. Sal said if he wants to condemn his character that's fine. He said he can't explain why his bed levitated. He said he opened his eyes and his nose was touching the ceiling. Howard asked if it could have been a dream. Sal said he doesn't know but it happened. He said his mother heard it. He said he yelled out to his mother and she heard him yell.
Howard asked Brent if he hates when people who have never been in the military talk about sending troops out. Brent said it's the worst. He said that he has brothers and sisters who will never be the same again after going to war. Howard said Sal is ready to invade. Sal said when you have roaches you fumigate. Howard asked Sal why he's not in the military. Sal said he's too old. Howard said he is not. Robin said every time we go over there things get worse.
Howard said Sal believes his dad talked to dead relatives when he was in a coma. Sal said he did. He said he came out of it and told him. Fred said if you see a dragon in a dream is it real? Sal said that's a dream. He said that his dad was in a coma.
Howard asked Sal why he thinks there's a sleeper cell in his neighborhood. Sal said they have an unkempt lawn... Howard cracked up. Sal said they have sheets for curtains. He said at 2 or 3 in the morning the lights are on. During the day the lights are off. Howard asked if they are Middle Eastern types. Sal said he's not sure where they're from. He said not all Middle Eastern people are bad. Sal said that he lives in an area that has a lot of Middle Eastern people there. Brent said he fits right in then. Sal told him to fuck off.
Howard said he'll listen to Brent about the military but not chicken hawks like Sal. Sal said he's trying to protect them. He said he wants to get rid of the enemy but he's not in charge. Howard told Sal to tell them about going to the booths to jerk off and having a guy push his head into his own jizz when he sprayed on the wall. Sal said he was out at a show and someone jerked off on the window. He said a guy told him to go look at this chick and he stepped in and his nose touched the window and it was the guy's jizz on the window. Sal asked what that has to do with this.
Gary came in and said Sal once went to a jerk off booth and put the phone to his ear. He told Sal to tell that story. Sal said he went into the booth and the partition goes up and there's a girl there but you can't hear her. He said there's a phone there so she told him to pick it up. He said someone jerked off on the phone so he got jizz on his ear and face. He said he was so drunk he just wiped it on his shirt and kept going.
Howard said Sal was drawn to the booths when he was in 4th grade. Sal said he went into the city for a school trip and he walked into one of the porn shops. He said he was drawn to it and he's not sure why. He said his teacher had to drag him out. Howard thanked the guys and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has Andy Samberg there. Howard said Andy is known from Saturday Night Live and the digital shorts he did on the show. Howard said he looks good. Howard said he usually has long hair. Andy said he cut it for the movie this way. Howard said he was trying to watch the movie last night on the Pix box. Howard said he was up at 2 in the morning laughing his ass off and then it gets cut off a half hour into it. Howard said he was really bummed. Howard said the movie was really funny. He said the movie is called Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Andy said it's like a pop documentary. Howard said he thought Bieber was a douche before he saw his movie. Andy said they thought the same thing about One Direction. He said they watched all of them to research the movie. Howard said with Popstar it seems like there's a joke a minute or more. He said they come really rapidly. Howard said he's not sure if Andy is a fan of hip hop or he hates it. Andy said he's a massive fan. He said there is so much surrounding it now that it's really funny.
Howard said Andy becomes famous in the movie and he goes solo. He said his entourage has an eyebrow specialist and in the group he has over 100 producers for his solo album. Howard said music back when he was growing up there was one producer. Howard said it's such a good observation that they have like 57,000 producers on every album.
Howard asked why Judd Apatow produced this and not Lorne Michaels. Andy said he and his friends had been talking about doing a movie like this. Howard said this is really cool. He said Andy met these guys in school Akiva and Jorma who work with him on this stuff. Andy said the best stuff he's worked on he worked on with them. Howard said the three of them auditioned together for Saturday Night Live. Andy said that a three person team doesn't usually get hired.
Howard said all Andy wanted to do was get on Saturday Night Live when he was 8 years old. Andy said he was into WWF wrestling. He said he was upset a little bit when he found out it was fake. He said once someone told him it did make sense. He said they used to cut themselves and that's not fake. Howard said it was orchestrated though. Andy said he would stay up to watch wrestling and he would see Saturday Night Live on instead. He said he got into Saturday Night Live when Hartman, Lovitz and Jan Hooks were on. He said he loved Dana Carvey. He said he wanted to do it but wasn't sure if he could. He said when Sandler got big he thought he could do it.
Howard said he thought of Andy as the new Sandler on the show. Andy said people do call him Adam. He said the Paparazzi call him that all the time. Howard said he should answer as Adam. Andy said he has taken a picture with someone who thought he was Adam and he didn't tell them. Andy said there are certain times when his name gets messed up and it hurts.
Howard said Andy did a film with Adam. He asked if he will talk to him about his career. Andy said Adam reached out really early on and talked to him about how great he was doing and wished him luck. Howard said he may have identified with him because he was so in tune with the musical aspect of the show. Howard said he thinks Andy made the show young again. He said that kind of comedy he was doing was more for younger guys. Howard said he made it young and hip. Andy said he just didn't believe they were airing stuff they were making. He said later on they started thinking that it had an impact on the show.
Howard asked Andy about his childhood and growing up seeing Steve Martin. He said he threw up when he met Steve Martin for the first time. Andy said it's so weird to grow up watching something and then seeing it in person. He said that's what it's like meeting Howard right now. Howard asked him about his audition and Andy said he heard Tina Fey laugh at his impression of Jimmy Fallon. He said he's not an impressions guy and they got the audition because they were writing for Jimmy Fallon for the MTV movie awards. He said Jimmy was really looking out for them. He said that Jimmy recommended them to Lorne.
Howard said Andy's name isn't Andy. Andy said it was David when he was born. Howard asked why he changed it to Andy from David. Howard said it seems like David might be better. Andy said David was his grandfather's name and it is kind of insulting that he changed it. He said he wanted to change it at 5 and his mom was okay with it. Howard said he hated his name too. Andy said it's not too late to change it. Howard said he wanted it to be Paul or something. Andy said Paul Stern is good. Howard said he wanted to change his radio name to Miles August but it just doesn't fit. Howard said Andy did it and his family started calling him Andy. Andy said they were very open minded to it.
Andy said he went to Berkeley High School and it was a big school. He said he wasn't unpopular but he wasn't super popular. He said he was shy but not like at home pining.
Howard asked if finding this team of Akiva and Jorma helped him out being funny. Andy said it did. Howard said Andy went off to New York to college and those guys stayed behind. Howard said they kept going back to each other though. Howard said that's really unusual. Andy said he made some dumb stuff at NYU. He said Akiva and Jorma made some stuff together out there. He said they were making the same shit so they had to stick together.
Howard said he had friends who went on to do totally different things. Howard said it's amazing that the three of them stuck to it. Andy said he loves that Seinfeld documentary because he talks about that too. Howard said you see friends moving on and getting careers and all of that. Howard said Andy gets out of school and he is an assistant at Spin City or something. Howard said he got coffee there. Andy said the first year there was rough. He said that happens to everyone the first year out of college.
Howard asked Andy made a film in college and it was a commercial parody for a fragrance called Cock. Andy said the CK at the end was big like Calvin Klein. Andy said his teacher saw that he was taking this stuff seriously. He said they would screen what they made in class and 5 people would laugh hysterically and the rest wouldn't laugh at all. He said at least he got the 5.
Howard said he did the King Schmaltz Bagel Hour and his dad told him he can't go on the air doing that crazy shit. Howard said he took his comments for real and gave up on that for a while to be a serious announcer. Howard said people can ruin your dream. Andy asked if that helped him to come back to do goofier stuff and maybe he's the best of both worlds. Howard said some of that is true. Howard said maybe Andy learned from working at Spin City how a TV show is structured.
Howard asked if it's true he used to dream about being friends with people at Saturday Night Live before he got the job. Andy said he did and then he got it and he was like ''I dreamt this!'' when he got there.
Howard said he thinks Andy has really succeeded. Howard said he Akiva and Jorma got out of school and Andy goes to L.A. Howard said they had made a TV pilot and they gave it to someone at FOX and the show was made. Howard said they had some funny sketches in it. Andy said they were on their way to making something good. Howard asked if he was heartbroken when it wasn't picked up. Andy said they didn't expect FOX to put it on the air. He said they got the money to make the pilot and it was a good experience. Howard asked if they thought they were on their way after that. Howard asked what it was called. Andy said it was Awesome Town. Howard said he saw the pilot online and it was good. Howard said they produced it and did it all. Andy said he hated the laugh track. He said they were still learning so they got pushed around. He said they had 30 minutes to get the laugh track in there. He said they made it all super bizarre.
Howard said Andy gets the pilot so does he think it's all over. Andy said no. He said they were educated enough to know that things can keep going. He said they kind of just doubled down after that. Howard asked how old he was. Andy said he was 25. Howard said people think he was an overnight sensation but it wasn't like that.
Howard asked how he got the job writing for Jimmy Fallon for the MTV Movie Awards. Andy said his buddy Murray Miller who was a friend from summer camp hooked him up. He said he's the best too. He said he's hooked him up a bunch of times. Andy said he wrote for Lindsay Lohan and then they did a lot for Fallon that got on the air. He said once they were in the MTV system they were asked to come back. Andy said Jimmy brought a bunch of Saturday Night Live writers with him to write that stuff. Howard said 25 is pretty young to get into a room with Jimmy Fallon and the guys at Saturday Night Live. Andy said once they respond well it gives you confidence.
Howard asked what camp he went to where he met all of these people. Andy said it's Yosemite base camp. Howard asked what it is when he's raised by hippies. He asked if they're walking around naked all the time. Andy said it's like that when you're young but then when the kids get older they yell at the parents to put some pants on.
Howard asked Andy if he's a drug guy. Andy said not huge. He said weed wasn't a big thing growing up. Howard said he saw his mom naked once and it was traumatic. He said he saw his dad's penis too. Andy said he doesn't think he ever saw his dad's wang. Howard said his mom had a crazy bush. Howard said his dad had a nice penis though.
Howard said Andy works for Fallon on MTV and then Fallon recommends him to Lorne Michaels. Howard said Andy and his buddies go in and want to do digital shorts. Howard asked if it's awkward to tell his friends that he is the guy who is going to be on camera. Andy said that had been his dream since they knew him and it wasn't their dream so it worked out. He said Akiva had no interest in being on camera and Jorma had done theater but it wasn't what he wanted to do.
Howard asked how the audition went. Andy said he was asked to do it first. He said the three of them wrote the audition together. He said it's like 5-8 minutes long. He said he had to come up with some impressions. He said he did Alan Rickman in Die Hard. He said it was all just shitty bits. Howard said if Lorne laughs at that then you're in. Andy said he hoped to just create a fun vibe in the room and he'd get the job. Howard said that's what Steve Martin says too.
Howard asked if he has to come up with specific material when he does his Fallon impression. Andy said he did Fallon at a funeral. He said he was all happy at the funeral. He did a little bit of that impression. Howard asked if he takes those bits and performs them at clubs first. Andy said he did. He said he did a back room at a bar. Howard said that must have been the hardest 7 minutes ever. Andy said once he got a laugh he was good. Howard said then he had to audition a second time. Andy said it was a couple weeks later. Howard asked if he lost confidence after that. Andy said that you can do the same stuff the second time. He said the day before it he was tipped off not to do the same stuff. He said he had to write a whole new audition in two days. Andy said he thinks they told him to do that to see if he could respond quickly. He said he came up with some dumb shit but it clinched him the show. He said he was in New York and bought some old jogging shorts and he was dicking around with his friend Liz and he was an out of breath jogger from the 80s. He said he made a bunch of shitty 80s references and that's what he did in the audition. He said he came up with that the night before. He said he did that character on Saturday Night Live twice and the second time Paul McCartney was a few feet from him.
Howard said Lorne saw that he worked well with his two friends and he hired both of them too. Howard said that's rare. Andy said they sent in a writing packet together. He said Jorma auditioned the second time he went. He said after they were hired they made something on their own and they asked if they would ever air it. Andy said they did it with the cast and it was the Lettuce digital short. He said it was him and Will Forte eating lettuce over a serious conversation. He said they aired it and they were blown away. Andy said YouTube wasn't a big thing at the time but then it took off and it helped them out. Howard said he thinks Lorne would credit him with making that stuff go viral.
Howard said he really loved that Dick in a Box thing they did. He said he liked the one where they parody rap songs where everyone is on a yacht. Howard said everything was on a yacht. Howard said those digital shorts are great but not everyone gets to do them. Howard said Mr. Bill was something and the Ambiguously Gay Duo was another. Andy said Albert Brooks was the beginning. He said Adam McKay did them before they did.
Howard asked if Andy became Lorne's favorite after that. Howard said he put Andy in a movie that he didn't put anyone else from the cast in. Andy said he can say that he isn't Lorne's favorite. He said he never got to go to his Hamptons house. He said he is close to him but Wiig was his favorite. He said Hader is up there too. He said they had a great cast.
Howard said that Andy did 7 years on Saturday Night Live. He said that he made Justin Timberlake huge with that Dick in a Box thing. Andy said he, Akiva and Jorma wrote that. He said Justin had hosted before and he killed. He said when they first met with him they weren't sure what to do with him. He said they all loved early 90s R&B so they did that. He said that he pitched Justin the idea and he told them that it was going to be a hit. Howard said some stuff is so dumb that you don't know if the audience will get it.
Howard said Andy says that the best bits they put on Saturday Night Live are the ones they put on later in the show. Howard asked if he ever had something he thought would be a hit that he didn't get on. Andy said not something that would be a hit. Howard said Dick in a Box was a hit so he wonders if he can lay back for a couple of weeks after that. Andy said the hardest for that was doing the follow up to Lazy Sunday. He said they did a Young Chuck Norris bit with Andrew Steel writing most of it. He said they loved the idea and they did a pre-tape on it. He said it was about young Chuck Norris' legend. He said it got kind of panned though. Andy said he watches the show every week now. He said he tries to remember how intense it is there. Howard said Andy got sick a lot from not resting enough over there. Andy said it was tough. Howard said it's hard to stay healthy. Andy said he was sick a lot.
Howard asked how he knew it was time to end his run on the show. Andy said he was mentally and physically worn out. He said he was staying up all night writing for the live show and doing the digital shorts. He said he was staying up all night Thursday and Friday. He said he was wrecked by Sunday.
Howard asked if it's true that people would pee in a jar instead of walking to the bathroom. Andy said he hated walking to the bathroom. He said he never peed in a jar but he'd ask someone to go with him. He said he'd get lonely on the walk. Howard said he really needs his two partners. Howard asked if his wife has filled in that need. Andy laughed and said they're all married now so it's much better.
Howard said Andy was introduced to his wife by Fred Armisen. Andy said she's a musician and she's a singer songwriter. He said she writes her own songs. Howard said that has to be the greatest aphrodisiac. Andy said musicians think that comedians are the best. He said they both admire each other. He said he and Fred used to talk about that because Fred did both.
Howard asked if Timberlake loves him because of Dick in the Box. Andy said they are friends but they don't hang out constantly. Howard asked if he feels that Jimmy Fallon stole him from him. Andy said Jimmy worked with him first so it's not like that.
Howard asked Andy if he gets nervous when someone famous asks him to go out to dinner. Andy said he's not too bad with that.
Howard asked who his favorite Saturday Night Live guys were. Andy said he really liked Mike Meyers. He said he went back and watched Gilda Radner on the show too and he was blown away by her.
Howard asked Andy about being ranked pretty high in the list of Saturday Night Live cast members. Andy said there were so many more that he thought should have been ahead of him. Howard said that was in Rolling Stone. Howard said it's a strange thing.
Howard said Andy won a Golden Globe. Howard asked if that's important to him. Andy said he won 2 but he thinks it's complete bullshit until he wins one. He said he had gotten back from his honeymoon the day before and he figured there was no way he was going to win so he was unprepared. He said he was told it was okay but he's not sure it was because he didn't watch it. He said he forgot to thank Lorne Michaels and his parents. He said he
Howard said he won a Grammy against real rap songs. Andy said that they were nominated but didn't win. Howard said Andy beat out Jimmy Fallon and Fred Armisen. Andy said that's not right.
Howard asked Andy about how he met his wife Joanna Newsom. Andy said Fred Armisen was telling him about this girl and he went to see her in concert a few times. He said Fred had met her and wanted to introduce them. Howard asked if Fred wanted her. Andy said he thinks that Fred wants everyone. He said he doesn't think Fred was after her.
Andy said they went back stage and Fred introduced him. He said that she saw him and she says ''You're the cunt'' and she was referring to this Lonely Island video they made and he was in it for like a second. He said that she was a fan.
Howard asked if he thought he could get her right then. Andy said he knew it was less awkward when they met because of that. Howard said he was on Saturday Night Live for a while then. Andy said he was halfway through his second season. Howard asked if he got a lot of attention the show because he is the cute guy. Andy said it was way more than he had before but that was because he was a known person. He said if you're famous you have people paying attention to you.
Howard asked how Andy got close to Joanna. Andy said they became friends and a lot longer down the line they went out. He said it was at least a year or so. Howard said he doesn't have that ability to wait like that. Howard said he doesn't have friendships like that. Andy said he has sisters and he's from Berkeley. Howard said he wouldn't know how to do that.
Andy said he knew her pretty well at that point and he dated her for like 5 or 6 years. He said then they got married. He said they don't have kids though. He said she's busy touring.
Howard said Andy left Saturday Night Live because he was getting sick and all of that. Andy said he was scared to leave. He said any time you're in entertainment it's scary. Howard said the movie Hot Rod didn't do very well. He said it didn't take off. Howard asked if that ruins some of his relationship with Lorne. Andy said when it didn't perform they weren't surprised at all. He said they expected that. He said no one really knew who they were yet. He said Lorne asked if they wanted to make a movie and you have to say yes. He said it broke their hearts it did that badly but they went right back to Saturday Night Live. He said they did a digital short the next season and it was well received so they wiped the slate clean with that.
Andy said the great thing about Hot Rod is that people are finding it now. He said that's become a movie for high school age kids and it's their thing. Howard said there is no time for a personal life when you're working on a movie.
Howard gave Andy a plug for the new Popstar movie and asked if he's worried about the box office. They're up against the Ninja Turtles. Andy said he's got some theories on some of those guys in the Ninja Turtles and he thinks they're bad guys so go see his movie instead. Howard asked if he locks himself in a room when a movie comes out like this. Andy said they're hoping people know who they are now and that they know what they're doing. He said that Judd Apatow produced it and made it fun.
Howard explained the movie and talked about some of the stuff he saw before the movie cut off. Howard said what he saw was great. He said he parodies something that's great. He said the rap bands and boy bands feel they have to share everything on social media and it's a bore. He said at one point Andy's character films himself jerking off. He said that's great. Howard told Andy some of the things he loved in the half hour of the movie he saw.
Howard said that one of the great jokes in the movie is he has a person in charge of promotion and the plan is to have it rigged so when a refrigerator is open the song plays. Howard said it goes horribly wrong and he causes a massive black out. Howard said that's when he lost the movie. Howard said there are a million funny scenes like that.
Howard asked why Andy did a TV series when he left Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if it was fear. Andy said he did it because of who was making the show. He talked about the guys who created the show, Daniel Goor and Michael Schur. He said that he felt like TV has turned and movies are high risk. He said you have to be excited to do movies to make movies. Howard said that he thought it was odd that he was going to play a cop in the TV show. Andy said they had to figure out how to make it believable. He said they figured it out in a way that worked out great. Howard said he has the TV show and he's making movies so things are going well. Andy said it's good.
Howard said it's rare for a comedian to be happy. Andy said there are some well adjusted guys out there. He said Will Ferrell is like the poster boy for that.
Howard asked Andy if he and the other two guys left at the same time. Andy said Jorma left after the 5th season. He said that Jorma directed MacGruber the movie. He said Akiva did the movie The Watch. Howard said they did a good job with that movie. Howard asked if anyone is there with him today. Andy said Akiva is there. He said he's a big fan of Howard's show. Howard wondered if he has any friends with normal names.
Howard had the guys bring him in. Akiva came in and said that his middle name is Daniel so he has a normal name. Howard asked if it bothers him that he isn't in the movie like Andy is. Akiva said he's fine with it. Howard asked if they are friends with Mark Zuckerberg. Andy said they are a little bit. He said he has his number. Howard asked if they read how much he's worth. Andy said it's like a billion. Howard said it's more like 57 billion. Howard asked how close they are. Andy said they're just acquaintances. Howard said he read that he set up a Facebook just for the two of them. Andy said he did. He said they stopped by to say hi to Mark one day and he wasn't on Facebook so Mark perked up. He said Mark told him he should be on. Andy said he would get on if it was private and he was his only friend. Mark said he would sign him up. He said he signed him in and just made him friends with him. Andy said the next 3 or 4 days he was getting random requests from people. He said he called mark to complain and Mark walked him through the privacy settings. He said he's never really checked it after that. Howard asked if Akiva is jealous. Akiva said he's not.
Howard said he has the feeling that Facebook is going to move into making TV and movies. Andy said that there are kids that only watch YouTube. Howard asked if they watch Game of Thrones and Banshee. They said they watch Game of Thrones but not Banshee. Andy said he met the guy who created Banshee and he's a really nice guy.
Howard gave the guys some plug for Popstar and said he was laughing his ass off at 2 in the morning watching what he was able to watch. Howard said usually he shuts his mouth and says he didn't see it if he didn't like a movie.
Howard told Akiva to go to the bathroom with Andy. Howard asked if he's really that needy. Akiva said he is. Howard asked if they were happy to see the Khaleesi get topless again. Andy said that she is a lovely person. He said he thinks they went to her naked one too many times. He said he's met Amelia and she's a great person. Howard said he's been screaming for years that she should show her breasts and he thinks that he made it happen. Andy said he would hate to think he lives in a world where that would happen. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. They played Sheryl Crow performing ''If It Makes You Happy'' as they were going to break.
Howard came back and asked what he's listening to. Fred said it's Phil Collins. Howard said he forgot he was in the studio. Fred said he was great. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he wants to mention that the finale of Banshee is coming up on Friday. Howard said they have an exclusive scene up on HowardStern.com. Howard said it doesn't give away anything. Howard said he saw the finale and it's really good. Howard said he's such a tool. He said he was going to wait until Friday to watch it but he couldn't wait. Howard said he's getting annoyed with the show Gotham. He said he will still watch it though. He said he watched The Flash. Howard said he still likes that show. Howard said he thought he would have matured by now but he hasn't. Robin said they're fun to watch.
Howard said Robin did a story about Donald Trump yesterday and this controversy about him pretending to be his own publicist. Howard said Trump is very upset about it. Howard said it would be crazy to deny something like that. Howard said he does it all the time but he's not running for president. Howard said he'll put on a voice when he picks up. He said people know it's him. Howard said he will put on a voice if he gets a wrong number. He said his wife gets a kick out of it. Howard said his number is confused with some drug store so he gets the wrong number all the time. Howard said he'll ask what number it is. He said he will admit it's him if he's caught.
Howard said Mr. Trump wanted to call in to clear this up. Howard picked up on fake Trump who said he just wanted to clear it up and say that this is bullshit. He put the Mexican President on and had him talking about what a great person he is. He also put Gloria Steinham on with Howard. It was Trump doing the voices for all of them. He had Nelson Mandella on too. Trump even impersonated Robin. Howard said goodbye to him and the guys kept playing clips of fake pre-recorded-Donald saying goodbye.
Robin said that they're now asking parents to pat down their kids before going to school. Robin said if you have to pat down your child something has gone wrong.
Howard said they went out on the street and told people that Mayor de Blasio is against big bulges in people's pants. Howard played a clip of Richard asking people what they think of that. They had one person saying that they should wear bigger shorts. The odd sounding person was singing the Wonder Woman theme for some reason.
Robin read a story about James Gandolfini having his Rolex stolen when he was dying. Howard said he was hoping she'd cover this story. Robin said his son found him slumped on the floor. Robin said the paramedic stole his watch according to these reports. Howard said he's never done anything really bad like that. Howard said he knows he's going to heaven if that's the way it works.
Howard took a call from a guy who said everyone should stop picking on Bobo. He said he's great. He said Bernie won another two states. He asked if Howard is feeling the Bern. Howard said free college and free everything. Howard said free unlimited data too. Howard said Bernie lost Kentucky. The caller said he only lost by half a point. He said they'll take that as a win. Howard said he wants Hillary. He said he doesn't know what's going on in this country. Howard said people don't seem to give a fuck as long as they're winning.
Robin said she's been studying the penis transplant thing. Robin said the doctors say that appearance is most important in the transplant. Robin said that what they were doing was wrapping skin around a catheter and making it just look like a penis. Robin said a man in South Africa is saying that his girlfriend is 4 months pregnant after having a penis transplant. Robin said you get the function of a penis now. Robin said they were talking about size the other day and they say you have to take the size of the original into consideration. Robin said the guy who they gave this penis to was well adjusted before he got cancer and lost his penis. Robin said he was depressed and he was open to the surgery. Robin said they have him with a team that will hopefully let him pee. Robin said after the transplant all he was able to do was spray. Robin said they hope he'll be able to stand and pee again some day. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Lebron James getting a deal that might make him the highest paid athlete in the world. Robin said he got a Nike deal that might be worth a billion dollars. Robin said that he is on his way to being the richest athlete of all time. Howard said that Nike money is huge.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel signing on with ABC for another 3 years. Robin said he has hosted his show for 14 seasons already. Robin said it's second in the late night ratings after Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show. Robin said he stays through 2019 at ABC. Robin said he's going to host the Emmys later this year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he read a story about how the average male only washes his sheets 3 times a year. He said JD isn't that far off. Howard said that would be much better than what JD was doing. The caller said they found that it's the woman who changes the sheets in most relationships. Howard said he's trying to think if he changed his sheets in college. He said he'd like to say yes but he might not have. Howard said he had a nice set of sheets but the bed he had was disgusting. He said he subleased his room out for a while and the guy who rented it was using newspapers to sleep on. He didn't even have sheets. Howard said the bed he bought off the street. He said it was $25. He said he didn't have money for a mattress. He said this was his junior year in college. He said he had no money and he had to get a mattress. Howard said he didn't ask his parents for help.
Robin read a story about the Philadelphia 76ers selling the chance to put your product on their jerseys. Robin said the first client is StubHub. Robin said she wants to sell space on her body. Robin said it seems wrong to her. Howard said he's fine with someone buying space on his shirts when he does TV.
Robin read a story about a woman who is claiming that Hugh Hefner was complicit in Bill Cosby allegedly assaulting her at the Playboy mansion many years ago. Robin said that she claims she got woozy and passed out and she woke up finding Cosby sucking her toes. Robin said she also felt something sticky and wet on her chest. Howard said he's a freak if he did that. Robin said it's bizarre to pass out and wake up to something like that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about gender bias at work. Robin went through the details of that.
Robin read about another study that was done about people with packed schedules having better test results for memory.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he runs and he goes to the bathroom if he ever smells his underwear. Howard said always. He said he swears he does it every time. Howard said the worse the smell the harder he worked out. The caller said it's kind of a good smell. Howard said it's not good but he likes it. Robin said she's done it too. Howard said you need to know what's doing. Howard said he bets everyone does it. Howard said it's so disgusting. Howard said he doesn't want to smell anyone else's underwear. He said he just wants to smell his own. He said it reeks.
Robin read a story about how having too many potatoes can raise your blood pressure. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said he used to eat a ton of potatoes. Howard asked about pig eyes. Robin said she doesn't think that study has been done.
Robin read about George Zimmerman who is criticizing Trayvon Martin's parents. Howard asked why he's doing this. He must have a desire to be famous. Robin said she thought he had a problem and the problem is that he's out of his mind. Robin said he was never supposed to approach anyone in the neighborhood watch and he took things into his own hands and it went horribly. Robin said Zimmerman thinks he should be allowed to sell the gun because it saved his life. Howard said he appears to still want to be in the news. Robin read about what Zimmerman is saying about the parents and how they could have raised their son the right way.
Robin read a story about the USPS and how they found thousands of pieces in a sewer. Robin said they pulled 25 bags of mail from a sewer yesterday. Robin said it may have been a fill in mail man who did that. Robin said there was another story about a man who threw away bags full of Christmas cards when he thought he couldn't get the job done.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about FOX News promoting Donald Trump and not disguising it. Howard said they are a right wing, conservative news service. Howard said they have commentators on there who are right wing. The caller said she's surprised that the FCC lets them have the ''news'' moniker. Howard said the FCC doesn't regulate that kind of thing.
Robin said that Donald Trump released his financial disclosure yesterday and he thinks it's the biggest ever. Robin said they say it's the largest in the history of the FEC. Robin said Donald is bragging that it's so big. Robin said he's also fighting back about being called a bully. Robin said he was on FOX News with Megyn Kelly last night. Robin had some clips from the interview.
Robin asked how Howard and Mr. Skin know that the Khaleesi wasn't just an overlay of a previous nude scene. Howard said Mr. Skin did the research. Howard said it's science over at the Skin laboratory. Howard said he has 50 guys working for him on this stuff. Robin had more Trump clips for Howard to play after that.
Robin read about Donald Trump reeling from a NY Times story about how he mistreats women. Robin said his daughter is talking about that. Robin had a clip for Howard to play.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton disclosing her finances. Robin said she put out her form and she's calling for Trump to put out his tax returns. Robin said that she banked $5 million from her memoir.
Robin read a story about this month being National Stroke month. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how every 40 minutes someone dies from a stroke in this country. She had another clip of that person talking about how you should call 911 if you have any symptoms of a stroke.
Robin read a story about eating healthy and how finding natural foods can be a problem. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the misleading and deceptive wording on food products.
Robin read a story about the head of the world health organization saying there is no reason to move the Olympics from Rio de Janeiro just because of the Zika virus.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about Hillary Clinton's win in the Kentucky primaries. Robin had a few clips of that person talking about how Hillary still has Bernie nipping at her heels. Howard said it's kind of weird how he's still around. Howard said she can't bad mouth the guy because she'll turn away voters.
Robin read a story about Misty Snow running for senate and she's transgender. Robin said she could be the first to be elected if she wins. Robin said she has no experience in politics. Howard said that name sounds over the top. He said he would be like Maude Burns or Janet Smith. He said Misty Snow makes you wonder if she has a cock. Robin asked if Caitlyn is a good name. Howard said it is but she went too big with the breasts. Howard said there is one transgender that pulls off the look. He said he'd bet the name is like Betsey Smith or something. Howard said he'd name himself something like Ima Mann.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon said they have to talk about Sal. He said the show starts with Bobo crafting a question about painting and it turns out Bobo was fed that question by Shuli. Gary and Jon explained what happened and how the prank worked. Jon said Bobo eventually turns someone in. He played a quick clip of Sal going off on Bobo for lying.
Jon said that you can say a lot about Bobo but the fact that he ratted him out made them all go ''Whoa!'' in the office. Gary said no one saw that coming. Paul said he didn't want to sell out Shuli. He said he thinks of him as a real weasel but he kind of respects him for that. Gary said the whole idea was that he wasn't going to rat out Shuli because he has a wife and kids but so does Sal. Paul said he condemned an innocent man right there.
Jon said Bobo eventually turned Shuli in. He said Bobo was talking about how he has to go to church and talk to Mother Cabrini. Jon said Bobo insists that he does not lie to Howard. Jon said he lied to Howard about 3 times. Gary said he lied to Howard a week ago about thinking aliens are buried in pipes.
Jay said he thinks he's so consumed with earning respect that he loses touch with reality. He said he just says what he has to say to get him through that moment. Paul said he agrees with that. He said he'll say whatever he has to say just to be accepted.
Gary said if they weren't in on that prank they would have fired Sal. Jon said that would be really unfair to Sal. He said they have so many calls on this.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a beef with Bobo because of his use of the word ''respect.'' He said he tells other fans to change the dial all the time and what he does is a total lack of respect. Gary said it really is a complete lack of respect. Paul said in his defense he may not know what the word means.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what happens so they know he's not listening to the bit to make sure he doesn't screw it up. Gary said he talked to Sal and he kept him on the phone long enough. Gary said if you get pulled off the air to talk to the guys in the back while the show is on you should suspect something is up.
Jon said he has to give Bobo credit for pointing the finger in the other way. Gary said it wasn't a very planned out thing. Gary said he was going to let Sal just go down. Paul said he thinks he was protecting Shuli because he talks to him and he threw the last guy he was in a fight with under the bus.
Gary said he knew Bobo was going to break. He said Howard is his daddy and he had to break. Jay said that Bobo might not make it through another Bobo Free Summer. Gary said it's a lot of fun for them to do that. He said the anticipation for when he comes back is a lot of fun. Paul said they need someone to document it on some level so they can see Bobo freaking out. He said he wants to see him anguished over it.
Jon said another Sal thing that happened today was when Robin said he was an empty vessel for hatred to be planted in. Gary said that is a perfect description. Gary said Sal posted an anti-Hillary story last week. He said it was from a weird source and it's not a real article. Gary said he and Sal got into it over that. He said it was nice to be able to push Sal into that with Brent in the studio.
Jon said he loves that they talked about the sleeper cell and how Sal said they say ''if you see something, say something'' and he's saying something. Paul said Sal becomes locked in amber and once you tell him something he becomes locked into it. He said he thought Little Red Corvette was about a dog penis because that's what someone told him at 12. Jon said he didn't know his levitating bed thing happened when he was 16. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon said Andy is a really nice guy. He said that it was nice to hear his story about his life long goal to be on Saturday Night Live. He said the other thing is that he got his two friends hired there too. Gary said Howard was fascinated by that. Jay said he loved it when they were talking about jealousy and they said there was a tad bit but it wasn't their dream to be on the show, it was Andy's dream. Paul said he did a FOX sketch comedy show with those guys and they are like one giant brain. He said it's amazing because they're so in sync with each other.
Jon said Howard was also fascinated by Akiva just being in show business and not in front of the camera. Paul said there are different types of performers. He said not everyone wants to be in front of the camera.
Jon said they also learned that Andy changed his name for David to Andy at 5 years old. He said Howard was jealous of that because he always wanted to change his name. Paul said that's a lot of power to give a 5 year old. He said you can't let a kid change his name. Paul said he would have been Punky Brewster if he was allowed to do that. They spent a few more minutes talking about naming kids.
Jon said Andy talked about going off to college and then having a job at Spin City for a year as an assistant. Jay said he had a period in his younger years when he almost threw in the towel. He said he got his first gig and then he was going to go do something else. Jay said it's all so uninteresting. Gary said he had a network series at 15. Jay said he did. He said when you're 10 and getting rejected is hard. Paul said it is tough auditioning kids. He said you're so sweet to them but then the door closes and you're like ''No'' when the door closes behind them. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Paul how it was meeting Ronnie for the first time. Paul said he was intimidated to meet Ronnie. He said he's only had a brush of Ronnie. He's not sure how to approach him. He said he's a security guard and he's not sure he wants to mess with him. Jay said he is a long time listener and you wonder how much of that banter goes on when the microphone is off. He said that he went into the room with JD and Ronnie and they were off the air bantering like they were on the air.
Paul said that he felt the proposal was what Ronnie is like off the air. He said he could listen to him propose so many times. Jon asked if they were caught up in that proposal. Jay and Paul said it was the best.
Jon said when you first encounter Ronnie he's in work mode. He said after that he's easy going and fun loving. He said he likes girls, he likes guys and all of that. Jon said it's very rare that ''Ronald'' will come out. Gary said sometimes he's busy doing other things.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when he named his daughter he realized how many people he hated. He said you don't know until you try to find a name for your child. Paul said you don't want to name your kid something that will scratch an emotional injury you have. Jay said one of his kids is named the same name of a guy he got into a fight with so he's constantly reminded of that. They spent a little more time talking about names and nicknames.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal talked about sending more troops over to fight ISIS and we don't even know who we're fighting so that's stupid. Jon said the caller is assuming what Sal knows what that stuff is. The caller said we don't know who we're fighting or where we're fighting. Gary said the caller's point is well taken.
Jon said today's prank with Bobo dragged Sal into it and he's not sure how Bobo's day is going after that. Gary said he thinks Bobo dodged an enormous bullet and wasn't banned from the show. Paul said he shouldn't take advice from anyone. He said he took it about the soap opera and now this. Jon said he was in such a slump he thought he could get out of it. Jay said he thinks Bobo might still think he could have a Bobo Free Summer. It could change next week for all they know.
Jon wrapped up and had Rahsaan give them a rundown of what was coming up on Sternthology today. They ended the show around 12:10pm.
Gary said when he walked in Brian is the guy who is in the bit with Joe Rogan ''great ass'' bit they played a million times. Brian did some of the bit for Gary.
Jon said Brian plays the coach on The Goldbergs. Gary said he loves that show. Brian said the real coach that he was based on came up to him and said that everyone thinks he's a real prick for playing the character the way he does. They spent a few minutes talking about bullies, social media and sports. They took a break after 10 minutes or so. Sorry for the lack of details. I'm going to stop writing up the Wrap Up Show soon.
Brian talked about doing shows in front of thousands of people and how you lose the intimacy of the smaller shows. He said trying to be original is something you can't do the rest of your life. Brendan said he was a risk taker and he got into movies and that took off for him.
The guys talked about the life of a stand up comedian and how lonely it can be on the road. Gary asked who has stepped away from the business like Steve did. They went over some people who have gotten away from it and gone on to do other things.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have a great job and they should pinch themselves. He said listening to Steve was like listening to two national treasures. He said he grew up listening to Steve and he's at a loss for words. Gary said Howard didn't get to ask about the song ''King Tut.'' He said it was number 1 for like 6 weeks. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard has a tendency to hop around during interviews and he wonders if they felt there was some frustration from Steve. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said Howard can't help himself with some guests. He said there is a balance there and when it works it's magic. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about how much he likes Brian. He also talked about how great the Steve Martin interview was. He also talked about Brian and Brendan's podcast and how much he enjoys that. They spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Jon had Rahsaan give a rundown for today's Sternthology. Jon got in some plugs and ended the show around Noon.
Jon said they have two guests today. Jon said they have producer Brad Fuller and comedian Jesse Falcon there. Jon gave them some plugs before moving on.
Jon brought up the Bobo prank segment that was played today and how he threw Sal under the bus. They talked about that with Brad and Jesse. They went over Bobo claiming that he never lies to Howard but he lied at least 3 times during that segment. They talked about a possible Bobo Free Summer and how Bobo might not be able to handle that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the thing with Bobo is it's like he's in The Truman Show but he never gets it. He said he just never understands it. Rahsaan said he thinks Bobo plays it up and he loves the air time either way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Bobo loves the attention so much he doesn't care what kind it is. He said that's why he threw Sal under the bus. He said Sal is just as much of a Wack Packer as Bobo is. He said he just got lucky and got hired. He said he thinks they just felt so bad for him that they gave him a job. Jon said Sal is so entertaining and he's so talented. He said Sal came in second in the Win John's Job thing and he came in and did a whole bunch of clever bits. He said calling the show is part of that but that's not the only thing he did. He said he works really hard there. They went to break after that.
Jon talked to Brad about Howard's love of comic book movies and how he's still into them at his age. Jon said the super hero movies succeeded when they got more real and not so campy. They spent a little time on that subject too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what their opinion is on Jimmy Kimmel and Howard's relationship. He said it seems like Howard looks at Jimmy in a fatherly way. Jon said he thinks the son he never had is JD. He said he thinks Howard and Jimmy are peers more than a father son kind of thing. They also talked about the old late night wars. They went to break after that.
Jon said he wants to talk about Weird Al Yankovic. Jon said he thinks everyone thinks they can do what Al does. He said they think what Howard does is easy too. He said it's not so easy and both Howard and Al are the best at what they do. Jesse said that interview made him interested in someone he may not be interested in. He said you do get the sense that he is a genius. Brad said he thinks Al would make the best Super Bowl halftime show ever. He thinks it would work on every level.
Jon took a call from a woman who brought up Steve Martin and his throat clearing. She said Larry David had that problem too and she's wondering if there is a problem in the studio. She said maybe there's something going on there that people are having issues with and it's not Gary's fault at all. Jon said it is dry in there and Gary isn't the only one who chokes up. Jon said Gary has to clear his throat before he even gets in the studio. He said Gary is the only one who says he has a mental block and he starts clearing his throat on his way to work.
Jon asked Brad what he thinks about the throat clearing thing. Brad said it's disgusting. Jon said Rahsaan coughs in there all the time. He asked what's going on with that. Rahsaan said it doesn't really happen anywhere else. He said maybe he has a Gary effect.
Jon had Rahsaan give a rundown of what they had coming up on Sternthology today. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:55am.