Howard started the show singing along to The Great American Nightmare theme song. Fred played Robin singing some of it too. Howard said she's so good. Howard said she loves it. Howard said Robin should have done it with Rob, not him. Howard said she's such a show off. Robin asked where the music is to bury her. Howard asked if she's still sick. Robin said she's getting over it. Howard said she got him sick. Robin said she didn't even get close to him. She asked if he didn't get it from Beth. Howard said he did get it from her. Howard said he's been in bed for the past 3 days. He couldn't even walk. He said he'd rather not be there but he is.
Howard asked who Jennifer Nettles is. Howard said he thinks she's a country star. He said she did a concert with Cheap Trick and she was pretty good with them. Gary said she is a country singer. Howard said Gwen Stefani was on Saturday Night Live and she looked hot. Howard said she doesn't look like Gwen Stefani anymore. He said he thinks she pulled back a little. He said she looks good though. He said she is a pretty girl. Robin said it would be a shame if she did that. Howard said she loves showing off her body and singing like a baby. He said he's compelled to watch her. Howard said Peter Dinklage was hosting.
Howard said Jennifer Nettles and Cheap Trick performed and she was good. Howard said they're going to come in to perform soon. Robin said Howard lobbied for them to be in the Hall of Fame. She asked if they're going to come in and thank him. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he really didn't do anything.
Howard said Wolfie went to Runaway Country Festival. Howard had him on the phone. Wolfie said this was down in Florida. He said he went there just for Howard but he combined that trip with another trip he was on.
Howard said he's not sure what this festival is. Howard asked if Robin saw The Walking Dead. Robin said she did. Howard and Robin talked about how they didn't like the ending. Howard said it was still good but it wasn't great. Robin said they stretched it out too long. She said they didn't need 90 minutes for that wind up. They were trying not to spoil anything by saying too much.
Howard asked who was at this event. Wolfie said Kenny Chesney was headlining. He said Britney Spears' sister was there too. Howard said Wolfie said he met some of the most racist people he's ever met there. Wolfie said southern racism is much different than in the north. Howard said in the north people will tense up and look around before saying the n-word. Howard said down there they don't. They're very comfortable with it according to Wolfie.
Howard got to some of the interviews. Howard played one where a guy was talking about the rebel flag he had flying on his vehicle. Wolfie asked what he would do if a black guy said something to him about it. The guy used the N-word and said they're prejudiced. Wolfie asked what his favorite racist slur was. It was the N-word. The guy said he calls them Jitter Bugs too. He explained how that came about and how ''they'' don't work.
Howard said he pictures everyone dressing up like Colonel Sanders. Wolfie said most of them are in tank tops and jean shorts. He said the chicks there were probably the hottest he's seen at any event. He said they're in bikini tops and shorts. He said they're hot like they're waitresses at a Hooters and then got pregnant at 18.
Howard played a clip of that same guy talking about the different scent that black people have. Howard asked if these guys get to fuck the chicks who are like a 10. Wolfie said he has to think so. Howard played more of the guy talking about living around black people and what has happened where he lived. He said one family moved to their side of the road and their house was blown up with dynamite. Howard asked if that was a black guy or a white guy. Robin said it was a black guy.
Howard played a clip of a guy at the festival talking about hating black people. Wolfie said all he had to do was look for a confederate flag and he found people to talk to him. Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how his favorite racist word is the N-word. Wolfie said that guy wanted him to give out his home address so people would come to his house and he could start a race war.
Howard played a clip of another guy talking to Wolfie and telling him he'd kill a black guy if he came on his property. Robin asked if there was a lot of drinking going on there. Wolfie asked what she thinks.
Howard asked when the show starts. Wolfie said they drink all day long and the show starts around 9. He said it was Thursday through Sunday and people were camped out there.
Howard played a clip of a guy going off on Hillary Clinton and calling her a cunt. Then he did the same for Obama who said his wife looks like a monkey. Howard said there you go. He gave a ''Yikes'' too.
Howard asked if Robin has heard enough. Robin said they never got to the ladies. Howard played another interview where a guy was talking to Wolfie about hating Jews. That guy was trying to say frivolous but he said ''frivious'' a couple of times. Howard said you don't want to correct that guy. He said he might get his ass beat.
Howard played another clip where a woman talked to Wolfie and talked about how Hillary Clinton is a failure as a woman. Howard said she sounded three sheets to the wind. Wolfie said this was at noon.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how he thinks Sarah Palin would have made a better president than Hillary because she's better looking and more palatable. Howard said he's never heard someone say that about a president. Robin said that's only with the female president. Not the men.
Howard played a clip of a guy explaining where the nickname ''Moon Cricket'' came from. He also told a joke to Wolfie about black people. Howard said he thinks he might have had enough. Wolfie asked if he wanted to hear the songs. Howard said ''Oh yeah...'' He played some of these guys talking about their favorite songs which were really racist songs. One was about doing away with the NAACP. Howard played the real song the guy was singing. Another guy was singing the same song. Howard said that guy knows every word. Wolfie said they have these songs in their iTunes. He said that's why you can hear it playing. Howard laughed. Howard said that guy wasn't a bad singer. He said he's like the Bob Dylan of racists.
Howard said there's very little hope in the world. Robin said it might be time for her to step off of it. Wolfie said Robin says that after every event he goes to. Howard said he can't believe people have these songs in their iTunes. Howard said Wolfie has done it once again. He said he's uncovered something. Howard said he's a reporter and discovered something new. Howard thanked Wolfie for risking his life out there. Wolfie said someone has to do it. Robin asked if he gets scared out there. Wolfie said sometimes he does. He said so far no one has punched him so that's a good thing.
Howard said he has Mark the Bagger to tell them who is on the show today. He played the clip and Mark said they have Melissa McCarthy coming in today. They went to break after that.
Howard said in a way that's an insult. He said they must think he's going to be mean. Howard said that he actually changed her kid's diapers.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not trying to blame Howard but he's mad at something he did. He said when he was on terrestrial radio he had a TV show and he was able to see the characters on the show. He said now sports radio is on TV and it's not good TV. Howard said he doesn't think anyone did it before his show. Howard said now it's a common thing. Howard said a lot of things he does on radio end up being copied.
The caller asked when Howard last drank a glass of milk. Howard said he doesn't drink it. Howard said it was like 100 years ago. Howard said milk is for babies. Howard said that's for the teat. Howard said once you're off the teat you don't need milk. Howard said he does eat cheese though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to apologize for all southern people after hearing those clips. She said not all of them are like that. Howard said he knows that. Howard said they get it and they know not everyone is like that, just mostly everyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's watched Vinyl yet. Howard said he hasn't but he hears good things about it. Howard said he did watch a lot of TV over the weekend. He said he watches just about everything. Robin said she completed Daredevil. Robin said it was great but she has to go back and watch it again because she'd fall asleep and wake up again. Howard said he has done that too. Howard said it's 13 hours of Daredevil. He said if you don't fall asleep then there's something wrong with you. Robin said she loves The Punisher on Daredevil. Howard said that guy is good. His name is Jon Bernthal.
Howard said another great show that has stared up again is Banshee. Howard said he loves that show. Robin said that one is crazy.
Howard said they went out on the street and asked people if they would rather have sex with Ted Cruz or Howard Stern. Howard said women just find him repulsive. Howard played some of the answers they got and women were saying that they're both ugly but they were picking Howard. Some women wondered if that is his real hair or a wig.
Howard said they had fake Hillary Clinton a skywriting place and asked what they would be willing to do. Howard played the clip and they had Hillary asking how much it costs and how much it would cost to spell out ''Bernie Sanders pees sitting down.'' The guy told her it was the same cost which was about $18,000. The guy said that he didn't think he could write ''Donald Trump has a tiny dick'' because it's over schools and kids. He said he'd do anything that wasn't vulgar. Hillary asked if he'd do other things about Bernie Sanders having a tiny wiener but the guy didn't want to do that one either. Howard thanked the company Fly Signs for being cool about that whole thing.
Howard played another fake Hillary phony phone call they made to another sky writing company. They had her asking how much it would cost to spell out some stuff and that woman had no problem with ''Take a Dump on Trump''. They said that would cost about $25,000.
Howard asked if Robin can believe how successful Bernie Sanders has been. Robin said just when you think he's down he comes up again. Robin said they say that New York is getting close for him. Howard said she was their senator for 2 terms. Howard said she did a good job too. Robin said this is her home state. Howard said people are really fucking with her. He said it's kind of her turn but people are saying you don't get a turn. Howard said it's not supposed to happen the way it is. Howard said she must be ready to pull the hair out of her head. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Gary said if Bernie does get the nomination he would be the oldest president. Howard said the guy is up there. He said when you're 75 or 76 you can't even get out of bed.
Howard said the Hillary thing has to do with her being a woman. Howard said if she became a man she'd do better. Howard said she could be Hank Clinton and win. Howard said he watches I Am Cait and he loves it. He said Beth gets bored and leaves the room. Howard said it can get boring. He said they try to be political. He said he wants to see fun transgender people. He said he knows some and they can be fun. Howard said they're doing this for TV. Howard said he has hung out with Transgender people and the real conversations go like this... He talked about buying titties and things like that. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. Howard said that's what you want to hear. He said on I Am Cait they talk politics the whole time.
Robin said Cait will spout out a statistic like that's how people talk. She did an impression of what that sounds like.
Howard said he's hung out with a lot of transgender people and they're fun. Howard said the people on I Am Cait are not fun.
Howard said he watches anyway because he's into it. Howard said Caitlyn used to be Bruce Jenner and it's fascinating. Howard said last week she went to see her coach from college.
Howard said another person pissed at Matt Berry is Michael Rapaport. Howard said Michael is pissed at Jon Hein too. Howard said he's not sure why Jon Hein is in there. Howard played a clip that Michael left for Sal. In that clip Michael said he wants to take down all three, Gary, Michael and Jon. Michael left a couple of messages about Matt and Jon. Michael kept telling Sal to call him back but he wasn't getting back to him. Howard said meanwhile Sal is on the train on his way to work. Howard said he got pissed at Sal too.
Howard said that there are people who either love or hate Michael. Fred said there is no middle ground. Howard said people loved JDini too. Howard read some of the feedback about that JDini bit they did last week. Howard said someone asked why he has to giggle all the time. Someone said it was good other than the fact that JD was in it. He had a few other comments about the bit.
Howard said they had some email about Robin singing the Rob Zombie song and said they haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Fred played some of Robin singing the song. Howard said people wrote in about Robert Duvall calling in about the fake story about him having a stroke. One person said he's always sounded like he had a stroke. Howard said he got and email about how sexy he is.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk has this Australian woman who is coming to meet him and they're going to have sex. Howard played a clip of this woman talking about how she found Jeff and he brought so much happiness to her life. Shuli was talking to her asking what it is about him that she likes. She told Shuli what it is. Howard had Jeff on the phone but he was on Periscope so he was echoing. Howard told him to turn it off. Howard said he's told him not to be on periscope. Jeff said it has nothing to do with him echoing.
Howard said this woman claims to be coming to meet Jeff and she wants to be in his trailer. Howard played a clip of her telling Shuli and she wants to ''marinate some baby Curros.'' She said she's loved Jeff for years. She said he changed her life. She said that she's not expecting anything from it. Howard said he has an easier time believing in Santa Claus. Howard said people are telling him this is real though. Jeff said it is real. Her name is Natalie and Howard guessed she's about 35-37 years old. Howard said maybe 38.
Howard was echoing again so he asked if he's on Periscope. Jeff said he's not on. Howard picked up on The Lump who said this woman is real and insane. Howard said if they fuck The Lump has to record them. The Lump said he will. Howard said if anyone on the staff is single they should kill themselves. Howard said Jeff has a girlfriend now.
Howard played another clip of Natalie talking about how she masturbates to Jeff. She said she has a photo of him on her desk and she stares at it all day. She said she has to get off Periscope sometimes to masturbate. The Lump asked how you masturbate in a straight jacket. He said it must be hard. Jeff said he's so fucking funny.
Howard asked if Jeff has spoken to her off the air. Jeff said he has. Howard asked what the game plan is. Jeff said they're going to have a good time. Howard asked if she can stay there with him. Jeff said sure. Robin asked how she makes money. Jeff said he's not sure. Howard asked when she's coming. Jeff said she's going to be coming up in about 8 weeks.
Howard asked if there's mold on the walls of his trailer. Jeff said it's a shadow. Jeff said someone had a pair of glasses sent to the studio in care of Shuli. Howard said maybe next time they should send them to his trailer. Jeff said they sent them over a month ago. Howard said next time have them send it to his trailer.
Gary said that Shuli told him he has full access to the trailer when this girl is there. Jeff said he doesn't have permission for that. Howard said Shuli will be there to tape their sex. Jeff said they are not going to be doing that. Howard said they are.
Shuli came in and said he has spoken to this woman and she is the one saying he has full access. He said if they don't let him do that then they won't report on it anymore. The Lump said Jeff has been a barrel of laughs as always. Howard let The Lump go. Shuli said he wants to be there for when Natalie sees the reality of all of this.
Howard said they took some audio of Bobo doing his times tables and called a radio show. Howard played the clip and they had Bobo just rambling on with his times tables and the hosts asking if he had a question. They kept having Bobo rattle off his times tables. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and let the song play a little bit. He said he gets that song. He said he doesn't want to be the person that's your monkey wrench. Howard said it's when you throw a wrench into a situation and fuck it up. Robin said she never thought about that before.
Howard said Sally Field had a crush on him by the end of her interview. Howard said he has some audio of her talking about that on anther show. Howard said the show is called The Jason Show. Howard said he's like a one man promotional show. Sally said she felt like she should pay Howard after that interview. She said she had a kind of crush on Howard after the interview. She said he was extraordinary. Howard said people are laughing at her saying she had a crush on him. Howard said he could tell she wanted it. He said he can tell Fred wants it right now.
Howard said Melissa McCarthy has a new movie out. Howard said she keeps cranking them out. Howard said he saw they were making a big deal out of Batman v Superman dropping off in the second week even though it was still number 1. Howard asked how much it's made so far. Robin said she'll have to take a look. He said he's not sure he cares. Robin said it'll come up later.
Howard said he thinks he could have gotten Sally Field. Howard said if he was single he would have done her. Howard said they could have had dinner and then they could have done their sex. Howard said then he'd send her on her way with a big smile on her face. Robin said Batman has made over $680 million globally. Howard said that must be enough.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who sad that she needs an intervention with this Simon Cowell. She said that he was kind of hoping that someone would hurt themselves so he could get on. Howard said he should tell the truth that he did a secret email to get the job. Howard said he knew the day that he was there that he showed up he could see the look of envy in his eye. Howard said he owns a piece of it so he could have been on all along.
Howard said Simon had the chance to be on the whole time but it was looked at like you don't do that. Howard said once he was on it became kind of cool to Simon. Howard said he should be honest about that. He said he should talk about the emails and all of that. Robin said he went underground to get it. Howard said it would be way more interesting if he was honest about it. Howard said Simon claimed the hacked email wasn't true. Howard said he doesn't care and he told Simon that.
Mariann was going on and on about it and Howard said he doesn't care. Mariann said she heard the interview Howard did with Garry Meier and it was great. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said she packs more into a phone call. He said he was reading some article and Howie said that this is the most fun they've had on the show. Howard said he was like ''really?'' He said that they must want to keep their jobs. Howard said he wishes them all well. Howard said if he wanted the job he'd be pissed at Simon but he has no right to be pissed after he left on his own. Howard said he still doesn't like when people conspire to take his job though. Howard said that is a greedy mother fucker.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the girl who is going to visit Jeff the Drunk is married. He said she is a singer and her husband was playing guitar on the couch. Howard said it must be a publicity thing. Howard said imagine trying to get attention through Jeff the Drunk's periscope. Howard said anyone visiting him is a plus for Jeff. Robin said she feels bad for him. Howard said it's nice that she wants to come and hang out with him. Howard said he can't imagine she's going to have sex with him. Robin said Jeff is looking forward to that and it's not going to happen.
Howard said there was a TV show where porn stars described their ideal penis and he was hoping for the answers to be that size doesn't matter. Howard said he was looking at his when he was sick and it seems to get even smaller. He said he could just see the head. Howard said he was thinking about how pathetic it looked. Howard said he could never be a porn star with that. Howard said he was yelling at himself about it. He said he's a pathetic man. Howard said he asked his mom if he had a small penis when he was a baby and she said he did.
Howard played some audio of porn stars talking about penis size. One woman says 7 and a half is a good size. Howard said the average is like 6. Howard said she doesn't even know. Another woman said 8 or 9. One said 6 to 8. One woman said 8 inches and one said it can't be super skinny. Howard said he's really skinny. He said he just shoves his balls in too. Howard said he puts it all in there.
Howard got an update from the guys in the back about Jeff's girlfriend. Shuli checked in with her and said claims she is not married.
Robin read a story about the average length of a penis for men. Robin said that at age 12 it's 2 to 4 inches. Robin said Howard is saying he has the penis if a 10 year old or so. Howard said he wants to know what priest is measuring 11 year old penises.
Howard played a clip of more women talking about how size does matter. They were saying about 6 to 7 and above is the ideal size. One girl said that only 4 inches goes in but you want double that so you can feel something. Robin said they do say that the average vagina is 4 inches. Robin said that she has had guys who were so big that it took a while to get it going in there. She said that he had to take it slow. Howard said he's never heard that from a woman. He said even Fred just takes it all in.
Howard played more of the women at spring break talking about that. Howard said that girl will be lucky to find a guy with 6 inches who has a job. Howard asked Robin why she didn't stay with the guy who had the big cock. Robin said he started to get on her nerves. Howard said even with the big dick. Robin said she had to get rid of him even with that. Howard said that's when you know you're fucked up. They went to break after that.
Howard asked what Jeff's best physical a tribute is. She said she loves his moustache. She said she'd love to ride on that. She said that she loves that Jeff just doesn't give a fuck about anything. Howard asked if she will blow Jeff. She said of course. She said she needs to be penetrated too. Howard said there are a lot of single guys out there ready to kick themselves in the head.
Howard got Jeff on the phone to get him into this. Howard asked if Natalie will lick his asshole. Natalie said she's up for anything. Howard said imagine Jeff being up on all fours. Robin said he doesn't have all four. Jeff said he can lay on his back. Howard asked Natalie if she's going to stay there for a couple of weeks. She said she might stay forever.
Robin asked if Jeff can imagine a wedding. Jeff didn't seem ready for that. Howard asked if Jeff's cough turns her off. Natalie said not at all. Howard said he's having trouble believing this. Howard played a clip of Jeff coughing. Natalie said he's a great guy.
Jeff said he's not miserable. Howard said he kind of is. Jeff said he's kind of not. Howard said the Jeff he knows is miserable.
Howard asked when Natalie last had sex. She said she can't remember. Howard asked if she's open to anal. She said she is. Jeff said he's not into it. Howard said he must have confused him with Fred.
Jeff said his movie is premiering on the 18th at the Tribecca Film Festival. He said it's called B-Roll. Howard said he can't wait to her the conversations Jeff and Natalie have. Howard said something is up with it. Howard said he doesn't buy it. Natalie asked why he doesn't buy it. Howard said we'll see what happens. Howard said if you're doing it for publicity it's the saddest thing ever. Natalie said she's not doing that. Howard asked why she's waiting until June. Natalie said she has stuff to tidy up there. Jeff said her father just died. Natalie said that's true. Howard asked if he heard she was going to fuck Jeff. She said that he would be proud actually.
Howard asked what Natalie is wearing right now. She said she's wearing nothing. She just got out of the shower. Howard said he saw a picture of her and she looks like she has big tits. She said they're massive and natural too. She said they are natural, big tits. Howard said he'd love it if she was really a man. Howard said he can't figure out what's going on here.
Howard said he has Natalie's dad on the phone. He picked up and Natalie's Dad said that he's going to kill himself again. He played some gun shots.
Howard said it sounds like Jeff has a winner there. He said he has someone in his corner finally. He told him not to let her go. Howard let them go a short time later.
Howard said he heard from Gary that High Pitch Erik was in the hospital last night. Howard said Gary isn't there so he must be out with Melissa McCarthy.
Shuli came in and said that Erik claims he blacked out on Friday and he's still in the hospital. He said they feel he might have had a small stroke. He said Joey has said that his voice has not been affected though. Howard asked if he thinks he's okay. Shuli said he thinks so. Howard said if you get up to 400 pounds nothing good is going to go down. Howard said he heard that Erik is pissed because Elephant Boy hasn't dropped the charges yet. Shuli said Elephant Boy could have dropped it but he signed an affidavit that he could have just not signed. Howard went to break after that. As they were going to break they played a prank call the guys made to a radio show using Blue Iris clips.
Howard came back and said that Melissa McCarthy is there. He said she's in a new movie called ''The Boss'' and there she is. Howard said that it's great to see her again. Howard said it wasn't that long ago she was in. Melissa said it was probably a year and a half or so. Howard said she's so busy. Howard said that she does that TV show and movies. Melissa said the TV show is done. She said they did it 6 years. She said it was a nice group. Howard asked if she ever says to herself that she had a huge movie hit and she had to get off TV. Melissa said no. She said it's fun to do a character for a long stretch. She sad that's hard to do in an hour and a half movie.
Melissa said she thought they'd do another year on TV. She said that they took it off. Howard asked who told her it was over. Melissa said she thinks her manager said there were rumblings about it. She said they took them off in the middle of a season. She said it was really weird. Robin asked why that would happen. Melissa said she doesn't know. She said she'd like to know so she can stop questioning it. Howard said after 6 years there's syndication money and all of that. Howard said she won an Emmy for it. Melissa said she did in 2011. She said it was the first year of the show and it was crazy exciting. She said she was staring at Kathy Bates at the show. She said she is like a force of nature. She said she has done two movies with her now and the first time was in Tammy. She said Kathy did a scene and she thought that there were lightning bolts going through her body. Melissa said she would run to the end of the dock they were on and she'd cry. She said she was a hero to her since she was 20 years old. Melissa said she can take all of that energy she has and channel it. She said it's a palpable feeling.
Howard asked if she's saying that she felt an energy and a force of nature from her because she's so good. Melissa said she did. She said in the scene she was giving her a come to Jesus moment so that was part of it. She said that some actors can focus that energy. She said she was rattled by it. Howard asked if she's friends with her. Melissa said she is and she thinks it's nuts.
Howard asked Melissa about growing up on a farm and how crazy it is that she's a big star now. Melissa said the odds of it are so out there. Melissa said her sister was always reading and she was playing make believe in a corn crib. She said she had no neighbors or friends to play with so she'd run around the barn playing a detective.
Howard said that Melissa came up with characters when she was in The Groundlings. Howard said she came up with 30. Howard said the one she does in The Boss was one of them. Howard said that so many kids make up characters in a barn and never make it. Howard said Melissa had no experience with this stuff but she was able to come up with characters. Melissa said she did sports in school and she was always into tennis. She said she was good at it at one point. She said she could play super competitively. She said she hasn't played in a long time but she feels the need to kill someone when she plays. She said she gets crazy.
Howard asked if she was on the high school tennis team. Melissa said she was. She said that she was really competitive. She said that she would get rattled from it. She said her husband Ben will tap the ball and win every time. She said she tries too hard. She said she loved playing in school.
Melissa said she played once against someone really good and it turns out the other girl was just taking it easy on her. She said that she realized she was really only high school good. Howard said he wishes that he was good at just one sport.
Melissa said when people came over to their house about 25 cats would run at the car. She said her mom would save any cat she could. She said her first time on a date it would freak people out. Howard said he thinks it's amazing that she has success as an actress. Howard asked if her parents were shocked too. Melissa said she started out in Fashion and she still does that. She said that she still loves doing that. Howard asked where her stuff is sold. She said in a bunch of stores. She said she didn't realize it was going to be as crazy as it is. She said she designs the stuff herself and there are like 600 things you have to design for a new season. Howard said that sounds like a full time job itself. Melissa said that she goes by what she wishes she had. She said she's a weird collector and she likes retro stuff. Howard said she could pass it off to someone else. Melissa said that she could and she has great people who help her out. She said they would love it if she did back off.
Howard asked Melissa about going to college after growing up on that farm. Melissa said she was ready for it and she knew exactly what she wanted to do. She said she went to the guidance counselor and they said she can't double major in fashion and art. She said she'd love to go back and tell them that they suck at their job. She said she wanted to take these classes and they made her take English. She said it crushed her. She said she just didn't show up. Howard asked Melissa about going to Catholic school. She said she kind of liked it. She said one week a year they mixed with the boy's school and it seemed like a lot of work. She said it was a bummer. Howard said that when they do go to co-ed schools the boys get more attention. Howard asked if she ever got beat on by the nuns. She said she didn't. She said that she did get thrown across the room by a teacher once. She said she didn't think that was so cool.
Howard asked Melissa how she got into the Groundlings. Melissa said it was her first day in New York. She said she stayed with a friend who asked her to stay with him and she didn't know that he was crashing with someone else. She said she's been friends with this guy since she was like 15. She said he's a huge shoe designer named Brian Atwood. Melissa said she shared a couch with Brian. Melissa said that he told her to do stand up to support herself. She said they were splitting a bagel and he told her to go do that so she did. She said she got up on stage in a wig and went up as Miss-Y. She said that's what she was called in college. She said she thought of it that night. She said that Brian had made a coat that she wore. She said she didn't know she was supposed to write. She ended up telling long, self involved stories that people laughed at. She said she didn't know when to get off stage. She said that she got her head bit off later because the guy was trying to tell her to get off stage.
Melissa said she loved doing clubs like that back in the day. Robin asked if she fell in love with being on stage. Melissa said she did. Howard asked if she felt like she gave up her dream of being a fashion person. Melissa said she never thought she'd get away from that. She said it took over and she loved it so much.
Howard said the character she's doing in the new movie is one of the characters she came up with in the Groundlings. Howard said she's sort of a Martha Stewart know it all. Melissa said it was more of a Leona Helmsley type. She said that she would bring up the character years later and Ben would ask her what she was talking about. He said he told her she had to do something with it before she became a sociopath.
Howard said Melissa could have done any movie after Spy because it did so well. Howard said it made $235 million. Melissa said Paul Feig knows how to tell a story and make it funny. She said it's just a ride. Howard asked when she sees a movie for the first time. She said she'll sneak into a screening and see it with an audience. Howard asked if it's a mistake not to watch the dailies. She said that she thinks there's no time for that. She said she'd be afraid of getting wrapped up in it. Howard said she seems so natural on film. Howard asked if she remembers everything gin the script. She said she ad-libs a lot. Howard said maybe that's why it works. Howard asked how Kristen Bell knows when to come in. Melissa said she's the best. Howard asked how he'd know when to come in. Melissa said you just feel it.
Howard said Melissa got a Golden Globe nomination for Spy. Howard said he thinks she lost to Jennifer Lawrence. Howard asked if she was pissed about that. Melissa said not at all. She said if you do get upset by it then there's something wrong with you. Howard said he would be disappointed. Howard said he was upset that he didn't get anything for Private Parts. Howard said he did win some dumb award actually. Howard said Melissa wouldn't be an asshole for being disappointed.
Howard asked if Paul Feig was part of Bridesmaids too. She said he was. She said he's the director of Ghostbusters too. She said that's coming out this summer. Howard said that making a remake like that must make her nervous. Melissa said that it is but Paul Feig is doing it and they have a great cast. She said they're 98 percent there. Howard said Kate McKinnon has come on really strong. Melissa said she has. She said she just knew her through Saturday Night Live. She said she met her and Leslie Jones through Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if they all try to steal the scene in the movie. Melissa said it's not like that at all. She said it's more fun to set the person up.
Howard asked about Dan Aykroyd being involved with the Ghostbusters movie. She said that he came and sat with them on set. Howard said that Dan is spending special. Melissa said he is pretty great. She said that he's right up there with Bill Murray. Howard said he thinks that he must have been holed away coming up with characters in a barn too. Melissa said that he talked about going around the country in a caboose. She said that he will go out on the back and wave to people on the back of a caboose just to confuse them.
Howard asked who decided to remake the movie. Melissa said she thinks they've been talking about doing it forever. She said that she thought it was a great story and she loves the whole idea behind it. Howard said when they first announced they were doing a remake he didn't care. Howard said now that he hears who is in it and who is directing it he's getting worked up about it now.
Howard asked if they had a dinner so everyone could get to know each other. Melissa said they did. She said that they go out on a boat a lot. She said she worked on the movie for about 4 months and it was so crazy on the last day of work. She said none of them could keep it together. She said they were all crying. She said that scenes that weren't supposed to be emotional became emotional. Melissa said that Paul would tell them that they weren't all dying so they had to stop it. Melissa said she has great pictures of them all just weeping.
Howard said when he did his movie he thought that everyone was going to be his friend for the rest of his life. Howard said then they go off on their own and you never hear from them again. Melissa said that they all text each other constantly. She said they do stay in touch. She said most of the time you do leave and wonder how you can't talk to them every day.
Howard said if there were pressure in the texting to be witty would it be weird. Melissa said they're not trying to one up each other. She said they might just want to crack each other up. She said she can't worry about that stuff or she'd become a hermit.
Howard asked if she had a good time with Kristen Bell. She said she did. She said she gets heartbroken when she ends a movie. Howard said she can call the shots now though. He said her movies are all making big money. Melissa said that they get to hire great people like Kristen and Pete Dinklage who are great people. Howard asked what they do with Peter Dinklage. He said you can't tell him what to do. She said you just get out of his way and let him do what he's doing. Howard asked if she can say something if she doesn't like the way he's doing something. Melissa said that's Ben's problem. She said he can handle that.
Howard asked if she likes being in charge of all of this stuff. Melissa said she does. Howard asked how she gets a movie like The Boss made. Melissa said she and a friend wrote a version of it about 7 years ago. She said they rewrote it about 25 more times before they shot the movie. Howard asked if she had studios turn her down. Melissa said that she has been told no. She said that one company turned them down because they were doing something similar. Howard said he can't imagine turning her down after making $235 million on Spy.
Howard asked if she worked with Will Ferrell. She said they did it with his production company. She said they did Tammy and some other stuff with them too. Howard said the whole world is so complicated.
Howard asked whose idea it was for her to sit on a bed and be slammed into a wall. Melissa said she can't think of how that came up. She said she knows that they had to come up with something to get her in bed with Kristen. She said it's all part of the mix.
Howard said that the new movie is called The Boss and then Ghostbusters will be out eventually. Melissa said it's out in July. Howard said they have a clip from The Boss up on HowardStern.com too. Howard asked when they have the premiere. She said they did it out in L.A. last week. Howard asked if they even have to do that kind of thing now. Melissa said it's fun to get everyone together to do that. She said it's exciting to do that. Howard asked if she hates doing the promotion like coming in here. Melissa said not at all. She said she gets excited about it. She said she misses playing the character. She said she's super real to her. She said that Ben tells her that she's not real but she is to her.
Howard said he read that Kanye West had a meltdown on Saturday Night Live when she was there last time. Melissa said she missed the whole thing. She said she wondered if it was a real meltdown because she missed it all. Howard asked if she could conjure up something like that. Melissa said she thinks it's a huge waste of time. She said she has had her moments too but she thinks it's a huge waste of time. Howard asked if Kanye was nice to her. She said he was. She said he said hi to her kids.
Howard said he's fascinated by weird behavior. Melissa said she will follow people in her car just to clock them in their own habitat. Howard asked if she wishes she could be that out of control. She said she does. She said she'd love to kick in a door and say horrible things to people.
Howard asked why she put her kids in The Boss. Melissa said they said no to the kids for months. She said that her oldest is 9 and her youngest is 6. Howard said they asked to be in it and then what. Melissa said they told them they could do it at 25. She said that they didn't want them to feel they didn't do something right. She said her oldest kept asking and asking and she said ''Am I not allowed to at least try?'' She said that she is good. She said that she said it the right way. Howard said she outsmarted her. Melissa said for sure she did. She said her little one is in a small montage scene so it worked out.
Howard asked if they had to audition. Melissa said that she kept saying they would consider it for 3 weeks. She said that she told her to go stand somewhere and she'd tell her when to do her line. She said that's what it's like on the set. She said that she'd just stand there until they told her to do her line. She said she made her do that for about 3 weeks to see if she wasn't interested. She said she stayed into it the whole time.
Howard asked if the kids can see the movie. She said they will see parts of it but not the whole thing. She said there's a lot of language but no nudity. Melissa said they were going to make it PG-13 and she was improvising stuff that they had to make it R. Howard said he loves it that the kids can't even see their own movie.
Howard asked if she worries about not working again. Melissa said after this interview she'll feel that way. Howard said she has to feel that way or she wouldn't care and it would go away. Melissa said she spent 20 years trying to get a single job. She said that she has had a good 7 or 8 year run and she's paranoid still. Howard asked if she would do another sitcom. She said she wouldn't say no to anything. She said if someone wrote something good she'd do it.
Howard asked if Melissa watches Girls. She said she does. She said she watches Game of Thrones and any kind of BBC kind of procedural. She said she likes The Fall and Broadchurch and all of that.
Howard said Lena Dunham is so out there it's amazing. Melissa said she is. She said she's writing all of that at her age and she finds her remarkable. She said she wishes she was that together at that age. Robin said that the episode last week with all Marnie was amazing.
Howard asked if Melissa would ever do a nude scene. Melissa said she doesn't think so. She said that she thinks about her dad and her kids. Howard said he thinks about his penis. Melissa said she does too and that's the big secret. Howard gave her some plugs for the movie and all of that. Robin asked if she was wearing her own clothing line. Melissa said she is. Howard said maybe he has to start his own clothing line.
Howard said they talk about doing a reboot of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Howard asked if she's in on that. Melissa said she's not in but she's excited to see what they do with it. She said they may have thought she was too busy to do it to even ask her. She said she was surprised by that. She said she's not upset though. Howard said she doesn't have time for that. Howard said she reminds him of the Olsen Twins for not showing up to the Fuller House thing. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. They played Don Henley performing ''The Boys of Summer'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they went to break.
Howard said he heard that Richard and Sal were kissing each other. He asked who told him that. Gary sent JD in to tell the story. JD said they were celebrating and sang Happy Birthday to Richard at work on Friday. He said Sal presented a cupcake and Richard thanked him and then they kissed after he blew out his candles. Howard said it's so fucking weird that they do that. JD said they're committed. Howard said Richard took off on Friday for his birthday. Howard said he's a fucking maniac.
Howard said someone told him that he'd put a candle in his cock and Richard would blow it out. Howard said he thinks that's what he heard. JD said it is. Howard asked if anyone wants to see that.
Sal came in and then Richard followed. Howard said Richard sounds sick. Richard said he's not but he was. Howard asked Sal to walk them through this candle thing. Sal originally wanted to put a cupcake around his cock and he'd have Richard eat it. Richard wasn't too thrilled about that part of it.
Howard had the guys set up for the candle thing. Sal said what he has there is a candle in the pouch of his penis. He's going to light it and Richard is going to blow it out. Howard said this is how Bill Clinton celebrates his birthday too. Sal did his thing and said it was getting hot. Richard said he wants him to hold it until the wax drips on his cock. Richard said he wants it to melt. Sal told him to blow it out. He yelled at him to do it. Richard was taking his time.
Richard blew the candle out and everyone laughed. Sal said you won't see that on The View. He told Richard to lick the candle. Richard said he's glad he burned his cock.
Howard asked why they were kissing. Sal said it was a quick thing. He said they weren't making out. Howard said that Richard had a friend who used to jerk off in his room on his carpet. Richard said his friend had a crunchy part on his carpet. He said he jizzed in the same spot all the time. He said he'd have him come over and stand in it.
Howard said that Richard was sick when he made out with Sal. Sal said he didn't get sick from it. Sal said Richard jerked off a German Sheppard once. Richard said he didn't do that. He said it was a buddy who did it. Howard said Richard jerked off in a picture once. Richard said he did. He said he still has it back in his office. Howard said it's so gross. Richard said he did that 12 years ago back at K-Rock.
Howard asked Fred if he ever thought of doing anything like this. Fred said not at all. He said you must have to be from Kansas to think of that stuff. Howard said it's only with Richard. Sal asked if he ever shit in a can and baked it. Richard said he did that at a venue where the band he was in was playing. Richard said it was in a Folger's can and he cooked it at 400 degrees. He said it filled the place up with smoke that smelled like shit. He said it dried it out to like the size of a pebble. Howard said he's something else.
Richard told a story about how a bunch of guys shit in the same toilet without flushing. He said they filled the bowl. Richard said he had a friend shit on his windshield once and he rubbed his nose in it.
Howard asked if Sal loves Richard or that Larry Caputo guy more. Sal said he loves both of them but if he had to throw one off a boat it would be Larry. He said he'd just talk to Larry through his wife, the Long Island Medium, after that. Sal said Larry is coming with him up state. Howard asked who has the bigger cock. Sal said he has only seen Richard's. Howard asked what's going on there. Robin said she just thinks they're foolish. She said they're just fools kept around for entertainment. Howard said he does pay them for entertainment. Sal said he and Richard are like Howard and Jimmy Kimmel.
Richard said he has the picture of the shit in the bowl around somewhere. Howard said he would like to see that. Richard thanked Howard for the birthday card. Howard said he felt bad for him so he got him that. Howard let them go after that and then did a live commercial read.
Robin got back to the news and read about the people who got DUIs. Robin said one was a woman from the U.S. woman's soccer team. Robin said they saw he run a red light and she was arrested and booked and then let go. Robin said the other person was Troy Smith. Howard said he doesn't know him either. Robin said TMZ posted audio of the cop arresting him over the weekend. Robin had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin said Country music is so popular and she never talks about the award shows. Robin said she's changing that today. Robin said she's reading about the ACM awards that happened last night. Robin had some clips and details about the show. Robin had clips of Blake Shelton, Katy Perry and more. Howard said Robin might want to rethink her policy of covering these events.
Howard said if he were Blake Shelton he'd be so proud of himself. He said he's banging Gwen Stefani. Howard said he used to bang country chicks and now he's fucking crossover. Howard did another live commercial read for his old buddy Wayne Siegel.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his problem is with country music. Howard said there are some country songs he likes from Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton. Howard said for the most part it's soulless, vapid and second rate. Howard said he can't explain it. The caller said he lives in the country and he's not a hillbilly. He said he listens to country music. Howard asked who his favorite is. The guy named some bands. Howard asked how old a guy he is. He said he's 28. Howard said there's something wrong with him. Howard said he should be rocking out if he's 28. The guy said he doesn't like rocking out. He said he's married with 2 children. He said he's no cock sucker. Howard said if he were him he'd go to a psychiatrist to find out what's wrong with him. He said it's time to change dude.
Howard asked the caller if he's ever jerked off on a carpet in his house. The caller asked if he's ever gone out and molested kids. Howard said no. He asked why he's attacking him. The caller said he's telling him to go out and find out what's wrong with him. Howard said people who buy country music are older grandmas. He said it's not normal what he's doing. Howard said the only people who buy records are people who buy country music. Howard said they haven't figured out how to get free music. Howard said there's something wrong with them. He said it's not normal for a guy his age to be listening to that music. Howard said he should be listening to Clapton, Van Halen, metal music and stuff. The guy said he doesn't even know who Clapton is. Howard said he should be listening to Metallica. The caller said if Metallica came on his dad would tell him they don't listen to that kind of stuff. Howard said he has to get away from his dad and maybe get some help for his anger issues. He said he attacked him as soon as he said there might be something wrong with him. Howard asked if he has ever baked his own shit. the caller said he hasn't. Howard said he was just fucking with him so take it easy. He let him go after that. Robin said she found it funny that he said his dad told him not to listen to Metallica and he didn't. Howard said most people don't listen to their dads.
Robin read a story about Coca Cola and how it started out designed by a pharmacist who came up with it as an addiction cure for drug addiction. Robin said it had the same ingredient as cocaine when it came out. That led to Fred playing Robin singing ''Cocaine.''
Robin read about how Listerine was an antiseptic before it was a mouthwash. Robin said bubble wrap was marketed as wall paper. Robin said it wasn't used for wrapping until the advent of the computer. Robin said the Slinky wasn't a toy. Robin said it was used to stabilize instruments. Robin said it was knocked off a shelf and they figured it could be used as a toy. Robin read about a bunch of other things that were designed for other things that they aren't used for now.
Robin read a story about the I Heart Radio awards that was on last night. Robin had some clips and details about that show. Robin had clips of Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato. Howard said Demi is singing in that ''please notice me'' voice. Howard said he'd take Robin's voice over that any day. Robin had some audio of Justin Bieber making his acceptance speech. Howard said he thinks Yoko taught Demi to sing. Howard said it's like ''Please look at me and pay attention to me.'' That's what it says.
Robin read a story about Selena Gomez getting back together with Justin Bieber. Robin said she won last night so she had some audio of her making a speech. Howard said she has a baby face with a woman's body. He said he thinks it bothers her. He said she's like a baby adult. Howard said she's 20-something years old. Howard said she is a woman baby.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife became a born again Christian so what would Howard do if his wife did that. The guy said that things were great but now she gives like $100 a week to the church. Howard said if she starts doing that then you have a big problem there. The caller said the sex used to be good too but not now. He said he smokes weed and she hates that. He said it's crazy. Howard said you think you know your wife and then she does that. The caller said it's driving him nuts. He said her sister got her into it and now they do baptisms in the back yard and stuff. Howard said you want to support your wife but when they get into that wacky shit and you come home and find out another $100 went out the window... The caller said his wife is always talking about him not being home but he's out working and stuff. He said his kid is at West Point and he's 6th out of 1100.
Robin asked what needed to be filled that made her do this. The caller said he doesn't know but maybe it's him. He said he'd watch porn and his wife would freak out thinking he was cheating on her. He said she used to watch that stuff. Howard said she's changed. Howard said he believes in supporting your wife. Robin said if she does things that would have been a deal breaker early on then what do you do? Howard said Beth used to go to church but it didn't bother him. Howard said he thinks this guy's wife has lost her mind. The caller said that she put him on such a guilt trip and tells him he wasn't there for the kids. Howard said that's bullshit. He was working for the family.
The caller said he brings home about $4000 a month. He gave Howard the breakdown of what she wants if he leaves her. He said he needs something to live on too. Howard said that it sounds like she's wiping him out. Robin said she's not sure how anyone can look at that and think it's fair. Robin said he should pay some child support. The caller asked what he would do. Howard said it depends on how severe it is. Howard said he'd only put up with so much. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard said they used to watch porn together. Howard said the guy was sold a bill of goods. Robin said she'd like to know what allowed for this to be such an important thing in her life. Robin said she's not sure what's going on there. Howard said it sounds like she took a step back into brain dead land. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and Ted Cruz finding John Kasich a problem in the campaign. Robin said they're asking him to drop out because he's hurting Donald's chances at locking things up. Robin said Ted Cruz's campaign put out an attack ad about this. Robin had some audio of that. That led to Howard doing his own attack ads with Fred playing some dramatic music.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump talking about abortion. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about that. Robin said a NY Times reporter asked Trump if he's ever been involved with a woman who had an abortion and Trump asked him what his next question was. Howard said he doesn't think that Trump is against abortion. He said he thinks that he could come out that way and not lose his followers. Robin read some details about how everyone is doing in the polls.
Robin read a story about Google pulling an app that the Taliban designed to increase it's global visibility. Robin said that it had statements from the Taliban in it. Robin said it's no longer available from the company's Play Store. Howard said even he doesn't have an app. Howard asked how that's possible.
Robin asked Howard about using leaked materials. Howard said he's against it. Robin asked if they point out criminal activity. Howard asked what she means. Robin said that there are leaked documents that show where wealthy people are hiding assets and laundering large amounts of cash. Howard said he likes that. Robin said that these papers leaked in Panama show many leaders of countries who are hiding money.
Robin read about it being opening day yesterday. Robin read about the Yankees and how they were supposed to play today. Gary told her they canceled the game.
Robin read about Batman v Superman and how it made 52.5 million over the weekend. Robin said it was number 1 at the box office. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Howard said he can't go to the theater or he'll be swamped by his fans.
Robin said Howard hasn't talked about American Idol in years. Howard said he doesn't watch it. Robin said the finale is coming up and this is the end of the show. Robin said they're making a big deal out of it. Robin said they're going to have special performances. Howard said no one cares. He said it's over.
Robin read about the WWE announcing that they're very happy with the attendance at the Wrestlemania event. Robin said they had over 100,000 people come out to see it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Gary asked if Jerrod feels more pressure because his name is on it. Jerrod said that's why he did it. He said it makes him accountable for everything. He said he waned to be held accountable for it.
Jon said that Melissa McCarthy came in today. He said both Howard and Robin weren't feeling well today. He said that's the kind of day you want to avoid them. Gary said that Howard didn't come over to say goodbye to Melissa. Gary said he thinks she was happy that she didn't have to hug a sick person goodbye. Jerrod said most people won't even keep their kids away from you when they're sick. Gary said that they have some people there who have kids in the 2-6 year old age range and they're constantly sick.
Jon said that they had the Jeff the Drunk woman on today and no one seems to be buying it. Gary said that they were talking about it in the office and Shuli said he thinks they're being rough. Gary said that Shuli is blaming it on the Australian sense of humor. Jon asked Rahsaan to give a rundown of what they're talking about since it's part of the poll. Rahsaan explained it so Jerrod would know what they were talking about.
Rahsaan said they're asking ''Do you believe Natalie from Australia is really coming to visit?'' Gary said he thinks she's coming. Rahsaan said they should ask if she's genuine. Jerrod said that both of the Menendez brothers are married so there is someone out there for everyone. Jon said that Jeff isn't the most energetic self starter. He said that he's living off SSI. He said this woman is coming from Australia to have sex with him. Jon said they've been down this road before. Jerrod asked if he's been cat fished. They said he has. Gary had to explain to Jerrod what the Wack Pack is and how people will get in with them just to get on the show. Rahsaan asked what the guys think she is in pictures. Gary said she's a Jeff 11 and a 7 in the regular world.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people think that she was using Jeff to get exposure. He said if she wanted to get on the show with Howard she has succeeded. Gary said that Jeff has a good heart somewhere down in there. He said that you have to dig through the arm and the trailer and the lump to get to it though.
The caller said he thinks that Natalie is in it just to get her music on the air. Jon said Shuli has said he's in there for everything because Natalie has said that he can be. Gary said Jeff hasn't approved that though. They'll find out when she shows up what's really going on. The guys spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Gary asked if it's frowned upon to hook up with an extra. Jerrod said it's not frowned upon. He said it's a rite of passage. He said that nothing is frowned upon in Hollywood.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is way off base on his country music observations. He said they incorporate hip hop and everything. Jerrod told him to relax with that. Rahsaan cracked up laughing at the guy. Jerrod said it incorporates hip hop like Donald Trump has wrapped up the black vote. Jon had the caller go ahead. the caller said if Howard would listen to more it is rock and roll. He said you have to listen to modern country. He said it's not the classic stuff Howard thinks it is. Gary said maybe he should let Howard hear some of that stuff. The caller said she should listen to the top 40 and he would change his mind. Gary said he doubts he would. He said Howard just doesn't like it. They spent a couple more minutes debating that.
Jon said Wolfie went down to the Runaway Country Festival. Jon said it's like that's where racism was born. Gary asked where it was. He was shocked to hear it was in Kissimee, Florida. Gary said he went to the Wing Bowl in Philly and people were yelling out the N-word but at this event the word just rolled off their tongue so easily. Jerrod said he would prefer that. He said he likes it better when people just use it instead of using the sensitive version. He said just use it and use it a lot.
Gary said he went on a walking tour in South Carolina and they still think they're not wrong even after losing the Civil War. He said he heard some crazy stuff down there.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the country music thing again. He said the new country music is aimed at the younger people. He said Howard is way off base with what he said about today's music. Gary asked the caller to give an example of older country music that said something. The guy gave them some examples of really old stuff. Gary said Howard isn't going to listen to that stuff if he's not listening to the new stuff. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon said Richard is blowing out the candle and taking his time because he wanted to see the wax run on to Sal's penis. Gary said he did blow it out eventually. Gary said Richard grew up in a rural area and humor overtakes gay for him. He said if a guy jerks off on the carpet it's not gay, it's funny. Gary had to explain to Jerrod who Sal and Richard were and what they do together like peeing together. Jerrod asked if they have emergency pees or something. Gary said they just go together at the same time. Jon said it's funny, not gay.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that southerners are getting beat up a bit. She said they're not all into the confederate flag and they're not all into country music. She said they're not all like that. Gary said he gets that. He said the guy who left the biggest impression on him in South Carolina was that one who he took the tour with. He said he still feels like there are pockets of people like that. Jerrod said he's from North Carolina and he thinks that it does exist out there. He said it will leave an impression on you.
Jon said Melissa McCarthy was in today talking about how she developed characters when she was growing up on a farm as a little girl. Gary said that made him think of how so many people didn't have an outlet for that and never made it like she did.
Jon said he didn't realize how crazy a competitor she was. He said that some tennis players will just lob back and forth but she'll take your head off. The guys talked about how competitive they are too. Jon and Jerrod said they're very competitive. They spent a little time talking about that and how Jerrod got started in stand up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when they're going to come out to the West coast and do a tour. Gary said that's better to ask Howard about. He said that the only person who is going on tour is named Howard. Gary said they don't travel light so it's got to be worth it to go out there.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said 88 percent said that Natalie isn't coming. Gary said he disagrees. He thinks she's coming.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. they were done around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about Robin singing ''The Great American Nightmare.'' He said everyone loves hearing that. Fred played some of Robin singing the song as they opened the show. Howard said she's so committed to her music. Howard said if you want to sing like Taylor Swift you have to commit like Robin.
Howard asked who is on the show today. They played a clip of Mark the Bagger saying Jon Cryer will be on. Howard said he's never been on the show. He said he was in a lot of John Hughes movies. Howard said he has had some career. Howard said he wrote a book about it and he was pretty open in it. Howard said he didn't gloss over things.
Howard said he was reading the newspaper this morning. He said he went to the NY Post first page to see who the hot chick was. Howard said it's an interview with Emilia Clarke who is on Game of Thrones as the Khaleesi. Howard said she had no inhibition in the beginning but then she stopped doing nude scenes. Howard said in season 2 she decided she's not going to be naked anymore. Howard said his interest in her was completely waned. Howard said she got into a big movie, a Terminator movie, and she was terrible in it. Howard said she was wearing clothes. Howard said she's an okay actress. Howard said when she puts clothes on she looks like anyone else. Howard said she looks great naked. Howard said he just watches season 1 of Game of thrones over and over.
Howard said Emilia is interviewed for Glamour magazine and she says she'd like more naked men in the show. Howard said she has no understanding of television. Howard said most guys who watch that show are geeks. Howard said the majority of people are nerds. He said they want to see naked chicks. Howard said she can go make her own show with naked dudes and it'll fail.
Gary said Jason reads the books and he said in season two she was supposed to have a dress that had one breast exposed. He said he tuned into the show and saw them both covered up. Howard said that she just doesn't get what TV is like. Robin said they have replaced other people on shows. Howard said maybe they should kick her the fuck out.
Howard read some of the article he was talking about from the NY Post. Howard said he's so disinterested in the show now that he doesn't even know the names of the characters. Howard said the names on the show are so out there. He said he doesn't even know half the plot lines in the show. Howard said this would be like Jerry Seinfeld saying he didn't want to do jokes anymore.
Howard said Emilia is 29 years old. She wants to bring back all of the pretty boys and have them take their trousers down. Howard said she wants close ups of their penises. Howard said it's not good anymore. He said she's fucking her career up. Robin said she has no career. Howard asked why Robin is yelling at him. Robin said screaming at her to take her clothes off is like rape. Howard said it's not. He said it's false pretence. Robin said it's a change of mind. Robin said they have a choice about her change of mind. Howard said if tomorrow he decided to do a show devoted to science would that be fair to Sirius? Robin said Howard is different than her. She said she's playing a character and any actress can do it.
Howard read a little more of the article and then said it's getting boring. Robin said they could have fired her for not doing what they wanted her to. Howard said if Robin came in and said she didn't want to do the news anymore he'd tell her she knew the deal. Howard said Emilia knew the deal too. Robin said that he should be blaming the people who reacted to her. She said they turned her off. Howard said she can't do a bait and switch. Robin asked why they stuck with her. Howard said they invested time in her. Robin said she has seen a better actress put in for someone who doesn't want to do the job.
Howard said Robin sounds like a woman on a show he watches. He said there's a woman named Dr. Jenn. He said she has a show that ripped off Dr. Drew's show. Howard said she does group therapy. Howard said she did one with Bam Margera. Howard said he's in bad shape and looks terrible. Howard said he didn't know he had such a big problem. Robin said she may need to talk to Bam. Howard said she might have to. Howard said there is a woman on that show named Sister Patterson who sounds like Robin. Howard said that's what Robin sounds like today. Howard said they confronted her saying she intimidates everyone and she doesn't think she does.
Howard said he has some audio of Dina and Michael Lohan talking to Dr. Jenn. He said they're divorced and getting couples therapy. He said it makes no sense. Howard played some audio and the two of them were going at each other about their relationship. Howard said you see this and see why Lindsay Lohan is so fucked up. Howard said these are the two most fucked up human beings. Howard said this guy is so scary. He said the poor judge had to give one of them custody. Howard said it must have been such a downer.
Howard played a clip of Bam Margera talking about beating up his Porsche. Bam said he did that because he doesn't think he deserves it. They played some audio of Bam talking about his drinking. Howard said he's gotten heavy too. Howard said he looks like a bear. Robin asked if he's trying to get his drinking under control. Howard said he's in detox. Howard said he is in a fucked up situation. Howard said his mom is there trying to help him. He said she looks just like him. He said if she grew a beard she'd look just like him. Howard asked how he can't be cured being there next to Dina and Michael Lohan.
Howard said he has another clip from the Dr. Jenn show where they were talking to a woman who hits her daughter. Howard said she ends up yelling. Howard said JD doesn't have a clip of that. Howard said he just disappointed him.
Howard said he thinks Anthony Weiner's wife Huma is hot. He said she's in the paper today and she looks really good.
Howard said there's a new situation going on with Donald Trump. He said if they don't get his name on the ballot after the first thing they're going to throw everything out and then try to get Ted Cruz on the ballot. Howard said the Koch brothers want to get Paul Ryan on the ballot. Howard said that's the latest on FOX News. Howard said that would be screwed up. Howard said it should be Trump or Ted Cruz at least. Howard said you have to hit a certain number or the delegates can do whatever they like.
Howard said he was watching the I Heart Radio awards yesterday. He said they used to be Clear Channel Radio but now they're I heart Radio to cover up something. Howard said he had a big problem with them when he was on terrestrial radio. Howard said he had a contract and they pulled it and reused to pay so he had to sue them. Howard said they claimed they didn't know the FCC was on his back. Howard said they owed him a shit load of money. He said you'd think to sue them would be a slam dunk. He said the legal costs were astronomical. He said that it wasn't even a clear cut case according to the legal team. Howard said tons of money was left on the table. He said they got away with it. Howard said they must have had a lot of stink on that name so they went to I Heart Radio. Howard said that is the worst name for a radio company. Howard asked Gary to check on who he was going to sue. Gary said it was Clear Channel.
Howard said he knows a lot of guys hated Clear Channel. Gary said they were talking about it and how they got so much bad press that they changed their name. Howard said he likes Clear Channel better than I Heart Radio. Gary said that name tested well. Howard asked if it's when those teens make that heart sign with their hands. He said they did that at America's Got Talent all the time. Howard said if you don't do it back to them then you're a dick. Howard said there were so many things at America's Got Talent that were nonsense.
Howard said he hearts vagina, not radio. He said he was reading an article in the Tom Taylor newsletter and they say that I Heart Radio owes like 20 billion dollars. He said that the United States may not even owe that much. Howard said he knows we actually owe trillions so don't write to him. Howard said he thinks in 60 days 12 billion is due from I Heart Radio. Howard said they might have to file for bankruptcy if that happens. Howard said he'd like to know how that happens.
Jason came in and said he was reading about it and it's fascinating. Howard said Brent knows too. He had Brent come in too. Howard asked Brent if Clear Channel is I Heart Radio. Brent said it is. He said they had an app out called I Heart Radio and that did so well that they changed the name of the company to that. Brent said the talent there got treated poorly. He said they also had a lot of artists who didn't get played there so they had a bad reputation for that.
Howard asked how they got that deep into debt. Brent said they bought a lot of radio stations that don't make a profit. He said they're like the McDonald's of radio. He said they wanted like 2500 radio stations that were all the same. He said Satellite radio came along and kids are listening to music on their phones. He said they over paid for stations that don't make money. He said they are crushed. He said they're also top heavy. He said they have a lot of executives and presidents and regional presidents and all of that.
Brent said in 2014 he worked at KFI. He said their equipment is from 2002 and it's really sad. He said it's a sad situation for the talent too. He said they're really underpaid. Howard said K-Rock was a shithole to work in but it never bothered him. He said one time he had his mom come to the station and she said to him off the air that the place was filthy. He said she was right. Brent said he was shocked the first time he saw it in person. He said on E! it looked nice. Howard said Mel came there to Sirius and said he wouldn't have built such nice studios. Howard said that's why he came there though. He wanted to get away from that attitude. Brent said Infinity isn't doing that well either.
Howard said Les Moonves doesn't care about radio. He said he just inherited it. Howard said Sirius is embedded in cars now and over the next 20 years you'll be able to have the internet in your car. He said you will get it all in your car. He said when you're at home you won't listen to radio with commercials. Howard said in 20 years the AM and FM stations might be zero dollars. Brent said there are some people out there who like talk radio. He said that you can only do that on regular radio and satellite. He said the podcasts have no direction and it's too long. Howard said it's shit now. Brent said podcasts can't work without a big name like Howard. Howard said Brent is coming off like an expert again. Robin said she left the conversation at podcasts. She said she's out after that.
Howard asked Robin how thick Hulk Hogan's cock is on that tape Bubba made. Brent said he heard it's like a Thermos but he never saw it. Howard asked if Robin is back now. Robin said yes. Howard said no more talk about radio.
Howard said the reason he brought up I Heart Radio is because he was watching the awards show and Taylor Swift was on. He said she looks hot. Howard said she has big tits now and it looks like she got implants. Howard said even when she didn't have tits she looked good. Howard said Trump said you can't be a 10 if you don't have tits but he thinks it's sort of hot when they don't.
Howard said he got a note saying JD thought she didn't look hot. Howard asked JD how he can say that. JD said she's alright.
Howard said Taylor Swift is congratulating herself in this speech. He said you have to hear it. Howard played the clip and Taylor was accepting her award and talking about her decision to make a pop album was made in her kitchen with her friends and not in a boardroom. Howard said she's congratulating herself on that. Howard asked why she's doing that. Howard said she made an album with her friends and why are we excited about this? Howard said she's promoting this idea like it was her decision and not the corporation's. Howard said the corporation is thrilled with that decision. Howard said all of her hit songs have been pop songs.
Howard said Taylor is a very lucky girl. He said she can sing and she's hot. Howard said she had a brilliant idea to be hot and be able to sing. Howard said if she was big and fat, forget it. Robin said look at how hard Adele struggles. Howard said Taylor is in that weird category of people who think they deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for making an album. Howard said he can't stand the whole music industry right now. Howard said there are some kids making good music but not like the old days. Howard said we have to be honest.
Howard said Justin Timberlake thinks he's funny now. He said he was on Saturday Night Live and did one sketch that was funny so now he thinks he's a comedian. Howard said he's not even sure why dick in a box is that funny. He said he's not sure what it is. Robin said it's a song. Howard said why can't they just say ''My dick's in a box.'' Howard said fuck you ''dick in a box.'' Howard asked if it's really funny. Gary explained it to Howard as he knew it.
Howard said Justin is credited with writing it with 5 other people. He asked where you read the credits for that dick in a box bit. Howard asked if it's really that mind blowing.
Howard said Justin thinks he's funny and he's introducing Taylor Swift in this clip. Howard played the clip and Justin said her name Tyler Swyft. Howard said his timing is impeccable. Howard said he has tried hone his craft for his whole career to make people laugh and this is what makes people laugh. Howard said he's been working too hard. Howard played more of the clip and Justin makes some more lame jokes about Taylor.
Howard said Justin is a talented musician but stop with the jokes. He said leave the jokes to the ugly guys like him. Robin said when you live in this bubble you think that what you've done is monumental. Howard said people around him probably laugh at everything he says. Howard said he was watching this thing trying to relax and not feeling well. He said Justin should just go home and fuck Jessica Biel. Howard said that's his wife, right? Robin said it is. Howard said he should just go home and fuck her. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has a meeting today and he doesn't want to have it. Howard said they were willing to move the meeting but that's not what he's looking for either.
Howard said he has so many things to share with Robin. Howard said this guy Sour Shoes is so talented. He said he called into Mike Francesa's show as Mad Dog Russo and Mike didn't like it. Howard played the clip and Sour started off with his Mad Dog immediately and Mike told him to stop it. He said he wasn't in the mood for that. Howard said he feels that Sour should only call into their show. Howard said they appreciate him. Howard said other shows don't appreciate him. Robin said he wouldn't have fun if he couldn't call other shows. Robin said she'd have to call that show 50 times if he didn't like her.
Howard had a clip of Sour Shoes riding along with Shuli to an appearance. Howard said Sour was in the back of the van laying on a mattress. Shuli came in and explained that it was a box van. He said they had a gig in Virginia. He said he took Sour out just to see what happens. He said that Sour got the van through a connection. He said that it was really nice.
Shuli said the van was super thin and tall. He said it had mattresses and sleeping bags and toys and keyboards in it. He said Sour was laying down in it. He said you all have to lay down in it. Sour had a friend with him driving the van. Howard asked if that guy was weird too. Shuli said they are but they're having fun. Shuli said he was in the back with Sour laying on the floor with him. He said he was documenting all of this. Howard asked if he's doing the baby voice the whole time. Shuli said he is and he's really good at it. Howard said he finds that really creepy.
Shuli said Sour took over driving from his cousin Matthew later. He said he's an amazing driver actually. He said the one downside is that he talks as Gary the entire time he's driving. Howard said he has a clip of that. Howard said he pulls up to the toll booth collector as Gary. Howard played the clip and Sour is talking to the toll booth collector as Gary. Shuli said the woman could care less about it. He said she was bored within 2 seconds.
Howard had another clip of Sour singing in the back of the van. Shuli said this was right next to him so he had nowhere to run. Howard played that clip and Sour was singing while playing his keyboard. Then he had a clip of Sour singing a song with Gary's ''noine'' as all of the lyrics. He was singing the I Dream of Jeanie theme with ''noine.'' Howard said he thinks he's great but to be trapped with that the whole drive would make him crazy. Shuli said he tells stories just like Gary too so it's hard to take. Howard said Gary is really annoying himself. Shuli said Sour goes into detail about the move to L.A. and the rest stop they named after Howard.
Howard asked if Medicated Pete was in the car with them too. Shuli said that's another story. He said Sour is unloading and he tells him he has to put his roller blades on. He comes in and does the sound check with that. He said Medicated Pete shows up unannounced. He said he took a bus from New Jersey to Pittsburgh and then took a ride to Virginia. Howard asked if Pete came back with them. Shuli said he did. He said they had a 5 hour ride home and it took ''noine'' hours. He said that they went 3 hours off track because Pete kept saying that it was just a few minutes away.
Howard said he has a clip of Sour Shoes doing his George Takei impression with Mediated Pete. Sour was doing that impression and Pete is talking to him about his big penis. Howard said Shuli makes it sound like a nightmare but he arranged the whole thing. Shuli said Pete wasn't supposed to be there.
Shuli said they got Pete home and then he says that he hopes someone is home. Shuli said they were about 2 hours from home and Sour saw an ice cream place and pulled over so they were there for 35 minutes. Howard said these guys have nowhere to be.
Jason came in and said that they put up a picture of all of them in the van. Howard said he saw that. Shuli said Sour is amazing. He said he had some ideas for him and he told him how they were going to do things. He said that he was trying to figure it out. Sour was fine. He said the show starts and Sour goes rogue. He said he's singing songs and talking to people for 20 minutes. He said he just stared at him for like 20 minutes on stage.
Howard played a clip of Sour leaving a message for Gary as Richard Simmons. Shuli said this goes on for 4 minutes. Sour breaks into his Gary voice and does more singing with the ''noine'' lyric. He breaks into his George Takei impression too. Howard said that's why he can't stand that Mike Francesa says it's a bad impression.
Howard said that's pretty amazing. Howard asked how he got the van and paid for it. Shuli said everyone in his town apparently knows him and they're willing to help him out.
Howard asked Shuli how old his kids are now. Shuli said one is 6 and the other is noine-teen months. Howard said they're lucky to be in a show business family. He let Shuli go a short time later.
Howard said they should get in there and talk about it. Gary said he's working on it. He said they're not doing any interviews yet. Howard said they should come there. Gary said he thinks that Axl is the wild card. Howard said he used to call in years ago. Gary said he called in with Sebastian Bach. Howard said he called in with someone else too. He said Axl did call in though.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he's spoken to Trump lately. Howard said he hasn't talked to him in weeks. He said he's probably pretty busy. Mark said this is a sticky situation for him. Howard said he's not sure what he could tell him to do. Howard said he's not sure what's going through Trump's head. He said he can't believe he wants to be president when you have billions. Howard said he'd ask him why he even wants it. He said his stock answer is he wants to make America great again. Mark said he's seen video of him talking about it from years ago. Howard said he's stuck running now that people are backing him. He said he doesn't think he thought this was actually going to happen. Robin said she heard an interview that a woman who worked with him did and she basically said something about that.
Howard said if Trump has a billion or four billion like they say he has, you can do whatever you want. Howard said you can sit in your office and have people suck your dick. Robin said she read a story about a butler they had and they had four at the time. Mark said he has a smoking hot wife too. He said it sounds like you're talking to someone in a strip club when you hear her talk. Mark said he'd like to see all of her smoking hot friends come to the White House. Howard said she's too smart for that. He said she has ugly friends to bring around Donald. Howard said she knows what she's doing. She's not going to bring around a hot nanny.
Mark asked if Howard has ever tried decaf coffee. Howard said that's like having fake beer. Mark said Howard has said that he loves coffee and the taste. Howard said he likes the caffeine. Mark said if he really likes it he might want it at night. Howard said he remembers his parents having coffee at night and they'd go to a restaurant. He said hi smother would ask Ben if he wanted to have Sanka. Howard said that was non-caffeinated coffee. Howard said they'd start in with the guy asking if it was really decaf. Howard said his mother would say it's not decaf. Howard said she was afraid she'd be up all night. Howard said listening to them was horrible. Howard said he doesn't get started with any of that shit.
Howard said he hasn't had coffee since he got this cold. Howard said his throat gets dry. He said he's fucking exhausted. Howard said he's just drinking hot water. Mark said he can't do without coffee. Mark was getting too much into coffee so Howard said he has to let him go. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a sweet song with Maria. Howard said love is funny. He said all of our customs around weddings are funny. Howard said there was a certain hotness to her not being engaged. Howard said she seemed gettable. Robin said he puts a lot of thought into things. Howard said he does.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call of him calling a talk show in the south. Howard said the host is gay and he manages to pick him up. Howard played the clip and the guys used clips of Howard talking about how he likes gay people. That led to them playing clips of Howard talking about how there's not enough gay people in the world and the host ends up saying he looks kind of like Howard Stern. The guy tells him he has a big cock and then Howard asks for him to send him a picture. The host tells him to use some app to find him. Then he asks him out on a coffee date.
Howard asked how you like those moves. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said that guy says his cock goes between 2 and 14 inches. Howard said that's wild. The guy also said that he looks like Howard Stern when he has no hair. Howard said that's odd. Howard said he's going out with that guy Friday night. Howard said it's just for coffee though. Howard said he told the guy his penis is between 2 and 2 and a half inches.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her cat is turning 15 and she's wondering if that's about the age a cat lasts. Robin said some can live much longer. Howard said he has read a lot of stuff about this. He said he read about one cat who lived to 38. Howard said that's the world record for a cat. Howard said the cat was owned by a guy named Jake Perry or something like that. Howard said he thinks the cat's name was Cream puff. Howard said one was 38 and he had a second cat that lived to 34. Howard said it turns out the cats were living on bacon, eggs, asparagus and broccoli. Howard said they even drank coffee with heavy cream in it. Howard said this is the truth. He said he's not advocating this but he must have done something right. Howard said they both lived into their 30s and almost 40s. The caller said that's crazy. She thanked Howard for the information.
Robin said they say the best diet for a cat is actually a raw diet. Howard said this guy was feeding his cat crazy shit. Robin said you have to make sure the cat's nutritional needs are being met.
Howard said she gives the negatives next. She said that the smell isn't that great. She said you could ask the person to wash their ass real quick before so the smell isn't that bad. Howard asked if that's realistic. Robin said no. Howard said he's never done that. The woman said the smell is bearable. She said another con is when the person hasn't shaved their ass. She said you may not appreciate that.
Howard said people who work there have said they're into the ass eating thing. Howard said that's Gary's thing. Ronnie is another one. Howard said it's so gross.
Howard asked if Ronnie is up there. Gary said he's down getting the guest. Howard said he wanted to talk to him but he ended up with Gary and Fred. Howard said Ronnie is so disgusting about it. Howard said it's a major thing to put your tongue in a dude's ass. Howard asked if Robin has licked balls. Robin said you try. Howard said it must stink down there. Robin said not in the front.
Howard asked Benjy if he eats ass. Benjy said he can see the appeal of it but it's the hygienic thing that seems dangerous. Howard said it seems Benjy wouldn't care about that. Robin said he used a cookie wrapper once down there. Howard said he has never eaten ass. Benjy thought he said he did once. Howard said Benjy's trying to be funny again.
Howard asked Fred if he does that. Fred said he does not.
Howard said the woman says at the end that people who don't do it are wimps. He said this girl makes it really boring too. He said she's got music playing under her and she's making it like a book report. Howard said she didn't mention what you do if you get a shit goatee. Howard said that's what's happening on the internet. Howard said it's so great.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has done the ass eating thing. She said you do it with someone who you love and you do it after the person has bathed. She said you don't do it after they have just made a doody. Howard said he assumes someone has just made a doody. Howard said he doesn't shower right after doing it. He asked if she tells her husband when she's going to do it. She said that it is pleasurable to do. She said her husband is on his back when she does it to him. She said it's a very sensual part of the body that's not used all the time.
Howard said she sounds like a militant ass eater. Howard asked if she sticks a finger up there. She said it's more licking in the area. She said you have to try it. Howard asked how often she does it. She said it's not that often. She said it might be 12 times a year. Howard asked if she is good looking. She said she is. She said her husband is too. Howard said his wife would get mad at him if he tried to do it to her.
The caller said that it can be really wonderful. Howard asked how old she is. she said she's 55. Howard laughed. Fred asked if she licked other guy's asses before her husband. She said once. She said she was a little more grossed out. She said it smelled down there.
Howard said they have the expert in now. Ronnie came in and asked what's up. Howard said Ronnie is into eating ass. Ronnie said why not. He said it's part of life, man. Howard said the woman on the internet said that it can smell down there. Ronnie said whoever she was with didn't shower first. Howard asked if he eats ass does he expect the same from her. Ronnie said not necessarily. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine being in bed with Ronnie and eating his ass. Robin said he has to be hairy. Robin said he's covered in hair. Ronnie asked where he's covered. Howard said his back has hair. Ronnie said not anymore. He said he cleans up. He said he has a man groomer. Howard said he used to have so much hair that they could shave advertisements in it. Howard said they used to do that.
Howard said he would be so uncomfortable doing that stuff with someone. Howard said he knows what's going on down there. Howard said he has never had that. He said vagina is enough for him. Ronnie said Howard has to experience life. Howard said he's done it all. He said he thinks he's experienced enough life. Ronnie said he has to get his ass licked. Howard said he doesn't feel deprived. Ronnie said he's sure Robin has had it up her ass. Robin said she might have but she's never done it to a guy.
Howard said Richard just said in the hall that he'd be willing to lick his ass right now. Howard asked why he would do that. Howard said he'd want a woman to do that. Howard said Robin doesn't know how to give a proper blow job. She had to watch a video. Howard said Robin is a lady. He said she isn't going to tongue assholes. Howard said Robin isn't as adventurous as they think she is.
Richard came in and said he's sure Howard is clean down there. Howard said he hasn't shit. Richard said he may have had it happen to him. Richard said he thinks he had Sal lick his asshole on air once. Richard said he shaved his asshole last night if they want to see. Richard showed them all his asshole. Howard told him to put that thing away. Howard said he has to take a break and get to Jon Cryer. Howard said he witnessed the biggest meltdown in show business history. Howard said he was told no a lot of times in his life. Robin said he was a teen actor and he had that weird transition time. Howard said then he got on Two and a Half Men with Charlie Sheen. Howard said poor Jon Cryer is a practical guy. He said both of them would be making a fortune. Howard said money isn't everything though. He said sometimes people don't know they have it made. Ronnie said he still watched the show in reruns. He said it's great. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Jon Cryer is there. Howard said he's got a book out called ''So That Happened: A Memoir''. It's the paperback version he's plugging.
Howard said it's cool to see Jon in person. Howard said he's been following him in so many things over the years and it's so weird to see him in person. Jon said it's weird to see Howard in person too. Jon said he looks weird now because he shaved his head. He said he was going bald and it was off center. He said he had to shave it. Jon said there was no way to make it look good. Howard said he did the right thing. He said he could go with a toupee or fill in but he just shaved his head. Howard said he can't do that himself. Howard said Jon did the right thing shaving his head and growing the beard.
Robin said Jon is an actor so he may need hair for a role. Jon said he'll get a toupee if he has to. He said toupees never look good. Howard said so many guys go to that look and they can't get out of it. Howard asked if he made the decision with his wife. Jon said he did. He said there is a whole bureaucracy. Howard asked Jon if he has to say to his manager that he's going to do it. Jon said he does. He said there is a team of people. He said when he first shaved his head he was clean shaven. He said his mother saw it and said ''Oh no. That's not happening.'' Howard said he thinks he looks good with the beard and shaved head.
Howard asked Jon when he started out people thought he was gay, even his wife. Jon said he isn't gay and he's not Jewish. He said people thought he was republican too. He said he went to a John McCain fund raiser years ago and apparently that makes you republican. He said John is against torture and he's a fascinating guy. He said you can get face time with guys like that. Howard said he actually met him once and he's a fascinating guy. Howard said even Molly Ringwald said that when she was in Pretty in Pink with him she though the character was gay. Jon said she didn't think that until he was cast as the character. Jon said they were talking to Robert Downey Jr. at the time but the director wanted him.
Howard said they filmed an alternate ending to the movie and he gets the girl. Howard said audiences didn't like it so they filmed it with Andrew McCarthy getting the girl and the audiences liked it better. Jon said he's cute so the girls liked that better. Howard asked if Jon was upset by that news. Jon said there was a little bit of that. He said the director was super sweet about it. He said he had some of that disappointment.
Howard said it has to be a blow to the ego. Howard asked if he knew when he got Pretty in Pink that it was going to be a game changer for him. Jon said you have no way of knowing but in that particular case John Hughes was coming off Sixteen Candles. He said he had seen The Breakfast Club too. He said the audience went insane. Howard said that was a great movie. Jon said he knew this movie was going to be a big deal. He said it was super exciting to be a part of. He said you never really know how big it's going to be though.
Howard said Jon's mom was a playwright and actress. Jon said she wrote a play that ran for 3 years on Broadway. Howard said his dad ran off when Jon was only 4. Jon said a lot of actors get to a certain phase in their life and they have to try movies after doing plays. He said he got some parts in movies but it wasn't enough to sustain. He said he had 2 more kids and he couldn't sustain two families. He said his dad came back when he was 16 and he gets along with him now. Howard said he must have had some resentment. Jon said he really doesn't. He said it was the best for everyone. He said his step mother is one of his mother's closest friends. Jon said his half sisters and brothers lived with his mom for a while. Howard said that he's the original conscious uncoupler.
Jon said every time he hears that Adventure of a Lifetime song he thinks that's what it must be like to be unmarried to Gwyneth Paltrow. He said it's unfair of him to think that way though.
Howard wondered if he could get a copy of Pretty in Pink where Jon gets the girl. Jon said it exists somewhere. He said he saw it. He said that's the one that test audiences didn't like. He said he had a special preview of it actually. He said that he saw it and thought it worked. He said he thought it was adorable.
Howard said Jon's book is out today in paperback. Howard said in the book he talks about how he was always mistaken for Matthew Broderick. Howard said today they don't see that. Howard said back in the day he really did look like him. Howard said it's weird because he told a story about being an usher in a theater and people would treat him like he was Matthew Broderick. Jon said it was an odd thing. He said Harvey Firestein saw him once and gasped. He said he became Matthew's understudy on Brighton Beach Memoirs though. He said he never got on stage but he was an understudy. Howard said that whole role is weird. Howard said you study the lines and have to go to each show. Jon said it is a weird job. He said it's like being a relief pitcher who never goes in. He said you get a lot less time to rehearse and you're expected to just figure it out as you go along. He said it was a huge part too.
Howard asked if he told his friends he was kind of in the play. Jon said he did and unfortunately the guy never got sick. Howard said it must be weird that they looked so much alike but Jon can't have the girl but Matthew gets the girl as a leading man. Jon said he should be much more bitter than he is. Howard said he is a pretty happy guy. Jon said he's been dropping the ball in the bitterness.
Howard said Jon's mom started him out when he was 4 years old in the business. Howard said his mom was good and put his money away. Jon said she put it in a college account. Howard said Jon went to acting camp. Jon said he did and he didn't get laid there. He fooled around but never sealed the deal there. Howard said that camp had a lot of famous kids come out of it. Robert Downy Jr., Zach Braff and Natalie Portman went there too.
Howard asked if Jon was hit on by gay guys at the camp. Jon said he wasn't actually. He said summer camps were crazy back then. He said they were college theater students and things got crazy. He said he'd ask the counselors buy him wine and they'd do it. Howard said he went to a social worker's camp and no one did anything like that for him. Jon said it was a wild time back then. He said now it's different and they get real results.
Howard said Jon did the movie Superman 4. Howard asked how that was. Jon said it was supposed to be a great experience. Howard said he was a hit at the time with Pretty in Pink. Jon said he wanted to prove he was a good, serious actor. He said he was going to get to work with Gene Hackman. He said everything was feeling like it was going to be great. He said the company making it was Canon Films. He said they were known for doing shitty movies. He said they were really bad at making movies. He said they ran out of money about halfway in. He said they cut corners and cut sequences and didn't shoot stuff.
Howard asked what else he worked on. Jon said he worked on a bunch of movies that went nowhere. He said he did one with Dino DeLaurentis called Hiding Out. He said he was the star of that movie and it opened so badly that it sunk the studio. He said that the studio was gone after that.
Howard asked if it was like he just died after that. Jon said yes. He said you want to crawl into a hole. He said he was aware that things were going very badly. He said filming was fine but when the movie came out and completely under performed it was bad. He said it wasn't even close to what they expected. Jon said he and his manager looked at each other and figured it was going to be a very long road ahead. Jon said he was great and you're only as bad as your last thing. He said if you can turn it around you can get everyone to love you again. Howard said that's the thing about show business. Howard said it's hard to judge how something is going to do. Howard said it's debilitating to have something go so poorly. Howard said that's the tough part of show business.
Jon said that you can't take this stuff personally. He said he did back then but he's learned. Howard asked if he started drinking or annoying. Jon said unfortunately he didn't.
Howard said Jon was in a movie with Demi Moore too. Jon said he did audition for St. Elmo's Fire. He lost out to Andrew McCarthy. He said he didn't like him at the time but he does now.
Howard asked Jon about working with Demi Moore in ''No Small Affair'' and falling in love with her. Howard said he hooked up with her. Jon said he went to her house and he found out she was with another guy from her housekeeper. Howard asked if he goes up to her and asks her what's going on. Jon said that he must have been having an affair if she was with him on the set and she had a boyfriend. Howard asked if he confronted her. Jon said there was a confrontation. Howard said he would have kept his mouth shut and kept fucking her. Jon said that would have been a beautiful way to play it.
Jon said he was the cute little bunny boy and went to her crying about how he thought they were a thing. He said that she didn't think that they were exclusive and he did. He said he was a year out of high school at the time. He said they had to shoot another month after that so it was awkward and awful. Howard said he knows what it's like to be in love and the girl isn't reciprocating. Jon said him shirtless is nothing to write home about so he didn't think that was going to turn things around.
Howard said in Hollywood every guy is better looking than the next. Jon said there are always younger and better looking people out there.
Howard said Superman 4 comes out and it's not the film you want it to be. Howard said Jon kind of fell off the map. Jon said he used to get the ''You used to be an actor, right?'' thing for years. Howard asked if his finances were okay. Jon said things got bad before Two and a Half Men. He said that show couldn't have come at a better time. Jon said he would be in talks to do other movies and the deals would fall apart. He said he was going to do one about the guys who created Woodstock. He said it was going to be him and Robert Downey Jr. He said that fell apart though.
Howard said Jon knew what a gift Two and a Half Men was. Jon auditioned for Friends. Howard said he put his audition on tape an mailed it into them. Jon said that the world got Matthew Perry and that's genius. Howard said he could have been a good Chandler Bing. Jon said he could have been okay but not at the level of Matthew Perry. He said you only get mad when you see someone not do it well. Jon said he gets why Matthew Perry got the role. Howard said he gets that. Howard asked if it breaks his heart when he goes to see a movie he lost out on. Jon said he auditioned for Reservoir Dogs for the role of Mr. Pink. Jon said they wanted to meet with him on a Sunday. He said he tried to read the script but it was hard to follow. He said he just couldn't handle it on his flight. He said he wasn't able to finish it. He said he was going to go into the audition not being prepared. He said he got a call from his sister the next morning and he had to watch his niece. He said that he had a good reason not to go in for the audition and he backed out. He said he didn't audition for it and it turned out to be a brilliant movie. Howard said Steve Buscemi got his part. Jon said he doesn't think he would have gotten the part either way. Howard said that's such a horrible part of show business. Howard asked if he saw it in the theater. Jon said he did and he was blown away. He said he was mad at himself for not getting the script.
Howard said Jon sent his Friends audition tape from over seas and it got stuck in customs. Jon said that he was in London at the time and the show was called Six of One at the time. He said he was asked to audition for the role and he did love the script. He said he went in the next morning and auditioned with the casting director. He said the woman he was there with didn't get the script at all. Jon said it was her job to FedEx it and it didn't get there until after Matthew Perry got the part. Jon said Matthew Broderick at first so Howard had to correct him on that.
Howard said Jon had a string of shows that he didn't get. Jon said it was worse when he got something that failed. He said George Clooney had like 30 pilots that never made it to air. He said that he had 3 shows that got on the air and went down in flames. He said things dried up after that. He only had 3 weeks of work in 3 years after that. Howard said that's when he wondered what he was doing with his life. Robin asked what he would have done. Jon said that's a great question. He said he had no idea. He said he thought about teaching acting but he doesn't really know what he would have done.
Howard said in 2003 Jon got Two and a Half Men but Battlestar Galactica wanted him too. Jon said they did. Howard said thank goodness he chose Two and a Half Men. Howard said Les Moonves didn't want Jon in the role with Charlie Sheen. Jon said that's weird. He said he did know it at the time. Howard said that's awful. Howard asked if that rocks your confidence. Jon said it did. He said a lot of networks know that actors circulate and shows flop. He said Les had a special antipathy for him and it was weird. He said he did the three failed shows and he was given the nickname ''show killer.'' He said that it was Newsweek that called him that. He said he thinks that can make it harder for a show to make it. Howard said he loves when he sees actors are paid a lot of money because things can turn around in a second.
Howard said Chuck Lorre must be a big supporter of his. Jon said he was. He said he did a few big shows and then he had a flop or two and he became a show killer too. Howard said Charlie Sheen was crazy back then but Jon said he was very professional at work.
Howard asked Jon if he thought about working with the guy who parties too much and then Les doesn't want him. Howard asked if he was torn about the Battlestar Galactica. Jon said the script was great but so was Two and a Half Men. He said it was tough. He said it was a combination of working with Chuck on a failed pilot and working with Jim Burrows. He said Charlie was also 2 years sober at that point. Jon said they auditioned together and that was great.
Jon told Howard how many auditions you actually have to go through before you get a part. He went through that process and said you have to negotiate a contract before you're offered the part too so that's where you really get screwed. Howard asked if he had to be stuck in that contract for years. Jon said it depends on how big of a hit the show is.
Howard asked if the show was a big hit right away. Jon said it was. He said they were on right after Everybody Loves Raymond and that was big. Howard asked if the show killer name was erased after that. Jon said it was. He said it was a huge relief for him. He said you take stuff personally after a while. Howard said that Jon must not even care that it was called Charlie Sheen's show. Jon said they could have called it Charlie Sheen and some asshole and he'd still want to be on the show.
Jon said he loved working with Charlie. He said it just worked and Les saw that in the audition. Howard asked if Les ever apologized for what he said. Jon said he didn't but he was super friendly after all of that. Howard said Les was on Charlie's Angels or something.
Howard said Jon looks so relaxed on camera. Jon said he's actually petrified. He said he can work on things for hours and hours and he's still petrified. Howard said it must be tough to remember lines. Jon said it is because they're constantly rewriting the script all week until they shoot on Friday. He said you have to learn the new stuff as well.
Howard said when Jon starts the show and everything is great it's all going and they're making money. Howard asked when he knew Charlie was back to partying again. Jon said all of the stories were about Charlie settling down. Jon said when Charlie and Denise split he was sad about it and he liked Denise. He said it seemed like things were okay after that. He said he was still okay to work with. He said that something was off but he was still there. He said in the last season he looked off and his timing was weird. Jon said he stared to worry when he went on the Alex Jones show and started talking about 9/11 and it being a conspiracy. Jon said he talked to him about it making a joke about it and Charlie stuck by it. He said he had a playful argument about it and the makeup people seemed kind of uneasy. He said they were all looking around wondering if he was serious about all of that.
Howard said that Charlie calling Jon a troll must have felt like a betrayal. Jon said it was blind siding because it came out of nowhere. He said that he went crazy out of nowhere. He said toward the 5th or 6th season he had met Brooke and they were getting married. He said things were looking up. He said in his book he wrote a story about that and Martin Sheen did a toast for Charlie and he said ''Hope you kids know what you're doing.'' and sat down. He said that should have been a warning. Howard said he was tied in with this guy and you want the show to succeeded. Robin said she wonders what the cast was feeling. She said it wasn't just Jon. She said there were other people there. Jon said they all loved Charlie and they were very close as a cast. He said he was a great guy. He said you can't ask for someone more loyal and cool.
Howard asked if Charlie ever apologized to him. Jon said he talks about that in the book and there was a moment. He said one thing he didn't talk about in the book was about what is sincere and what's just that person getting to the next thing. Jon said Charlie wanted to do another show with him and start a new universe. He said he thought he was joking at the time. Jon said he laughed. He said he thinks he was sincere though. Howard said it was rooted in him wanting him to do something for him. Jon said he told him he was sorry for all of the bullshit and that was about it. He said Charlie's biggest issue is his addiction that was kicking his ass. He said he'd want him back in his life if he was sober. He said he'd have to be sober. He said he doesn't hold ill will toward him though. He said his anger came out in this insane way and it was aimed at Chuck and he was a friend of Charlie's. Howard said that shows paved Chuck too. He said that it was a celebration for Jon and Charlie to make a big splash.
Howard said Jon talks about the two of them being single and Charlie was giving him love advice. He said Charlie would show him pictures of women and it would just show their vaginas. Jon said that he'd show him a picture of a vagina and he didn't know what to say to that.
Howard said Charlie turned Jon on to a prostitute and Jon tried it. Jon said Charlie is a proponent of prostitutes. He said he didn't try Charlie's prostitute but he did try the system. Jon said he forgot that his kids are going to read this book some day. Jon said he asks them not to read that part of the book in the foreword. Jon said he got this prostitute and she was beautiful. He said she asked him about financial stuff but he got into an argument with her about putting her money into real estate. Jon said she didn't seem unhappy or ashamed or anything.
Howard said Jon dated some girl when he was single and Charlie told him that he used to date her too. Howard asked if he broke up with her because of that. Jon said that was a little odd but she didn't tell him for 6 months while he was doing the show. Jon said in real life that was just too weird for him.
Howard asked if Jon had the hooker to his home. Jon said he did actually. He said you take a shot since life is full of risks.
Howard said when Ashton Kutcher took over on Two and a Half Men he must have worried that they were going to fail again. Jon said it was scary. He said the show was huge when it fell apart. He said Charlie had just negotiated the biggest contract ever for an actor. Howard said Jon was doing very well too. Jon said he was doing pretty well. Jon said it was like starting the show over again.
Jon said Charlie has this thing in his head about how it was just intolerable working on the show. He said if you ask anyone else there it's just great. Howard said he would imagine it's just great. Jon said it is. Jon said he was in the position to just enjoy it all. He said someone with addition will either burn it down themselves or it just burns down.
Howard said they were supposed to have Hugh Grant take over Charlie's role. Howard asked if they tried him in a read through. Jon said he got a cryptic text from Chuck after they fired Charlie. He said that he thought they were done after Charlie was fired. He said he thought they would put up with the drug use as long as he was doing the job. He said he thought it was odd to do what they did. Howard said they had to do that. He said Charlie had them up against the wall. Jon said he thinks they were concerned with what might happen on set.
Jon said he got this text from Chuck who said he didn't think they were done yet. Jon said he called him and Chuck said they need someone who is Teflon. He said they need someone who is charming. Chuck suggested Hugh Grant and he was flying in the next day. Jon said he flew in and he met with him and they talked about the character they came up with for him to play. Jon said the role was great and fun but Hugh didn't want that life. He said they actually signed him to do the show but then he had second thoughts and said no.
Howard said then Ashton Kutcher comes in and that ended up working. Jon said that Ashton was married to the woman he dated when he was 17 so that was kind of odd. He said they were still married when they started the show but then they split up. Howard asked if he became friends with Demi again after that. Jon said sort of but it was just that first season that she was around.
Howard said the crazy story to him is that the kid on the show, Angus T. Jones, went nuts and got religious and all of that. Howard asked if they blame Charlie for that too. Jon said the show was very risque and they'd look at tiny Angus who was 10 or 11 and they wondered if they were fucking him up for life. Jon said he's such a sweet kid they didn't think they were. Howard said then he had his meltdown and he must have wanted to shake the kid and tell him it was his last show. Jon said he was worried about him just like he was with Charlie. He said it was so out of character. Jon said that he's still in touch with Angus and he had this sincere religious thing happen to him. Howard said he thinks the whole cast was allergic to money and they had to get rid of it.
Howard asked Jon if he ever pulled Angus aside and told him to just hang in there as long as he can. Jon said he did not. He said he did show up and apologized. He said he said he shouldn't have made the tape he made and things like that. Jon said he can't change the way he feels. Howard said Chuck Lorre was good to the kid so you can't trash the show. Jon said he thought he was making that tape for the church and not for the whole world to see.
Howard asked Jon about his marriage and how that's going. Jon said things are good. He said he has a 6 year old daughter and a 19 year old son. He said his wife is producing a show.
Howard gave Jon some plugs for his book ''So That Happened: A Memoir'' and said it's a good read.
Howard asked when Jon found out Charlie was HIV positive. Jon said he found out when everyone else did. He said there were articles before that but no one was sure. He said it is a shock and it's another case of it being an infectious disease and it happens to lots of people. Howard said it seems like it's very important to him to have unprotected sex. Jon said he wouldn't know. He said he never said to him that he didn't. Jon said he is glad he's able to afford good medical care. He said many people can't. He said the hardest thing through the maniac period was that they were worried about reading about him being dead. Howard said there must have been something likeable about him. Jon asked if Howard has ever interviewed him. Howard said he did on the phone. Jon said he'd love him. He said he's very likable. Howard said he reminds him of Sam Kinison in that way. He said he was similar in that way. He said it must be the addiction thing.
Howard said Jon has said it all. Jon said there is more in the book. Howard said not much. He said it's a great story and he loves that he comes out on top. He said that was a great run with the TV show and thanked him for the years of entertainment. He said he likes the shaved head. He said he could play a super villain. Jon said he didn't even think of that. They went to break after that. They played Peter Frampton's live performance of ''Do You Feel Like We Do'' as they were going to break.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into her news with a song parody from Eli Braden. Howard said he has a bulletin for the news. Robin said they had Melissa McCarthy on the show talking about how she came from living on a farm and doing so many brilliant things and Richard lived on a farm and came up with playing with his ass. She said living on a farm doesn't mean you become Melissa McCarthy.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is on the phone calling from the hospital. He did not have a stroke. Erik was on the phone and said he didn't have a stroke, he had a seizure. Robin was a nurse so Howard asked her what that means. Robin said that's an electrical disturbance and a stroke is from a clogged artery or vein. Howard said ''Wow.'' Robin said that he's probably going to have some medication to take. Erik said he was watching TV when he had this thing. He said he passed out and thought it was the next day. He said he was disoriented. Howard asked where he learned that word. Erik said from Howard. Erik said he's on blood thinners and everything. Howard asked how much this costs the taxpayers. Erik said ''come on Howard.'' Howard said it's costing a fortune to keep him going. Erik said he's down to 380 pounds. He said he had a nutritionist telling him what to avoid and what to eat. Howard said he doesn't have the discipline to follow that. Erik thinks he does.
Howard said he's glad that Erik is okay. He asked who he's going to vote for. Erik said he's going to vote for Pablo Rodriguez. He told Howard his reasons why. He told Howard about what Joey has filled him in on and how Pablo is the man. Howard let Erik go a short time later. He said he hopes he gets his health back. Erik asked if he can come in and say hi to him tomorrow. Howard said he can if they have time. Howard said he can't be that bad if he can come up there. Howard said the reason Erik said Pablo Rodriguez is because Joey Boots was fucking with him and told him that's the guy he should vote for. Howard played the call Joey made to Erik about that. Joey had Erik thinking that they were going to ban sweat pants but this Pablo guy won't do that.
Robin read a story about a teenager who is suing New York City after he was accused of rape. Robin said the story says that this woman had sex with her father and two teens that were in the park. Robin said the woman claimed rape because she was apparently embarrassed. Robin said this man is suing because he's scared for life. Howard said if he came across a woman having sex with her dad in a park he thinks he'd avoid it. He said if she looked like Charlize Theron maybe he'd have sex with her. Robin said it turns out everything was consensual. Howard said she should be on Dr. Jenn with Bam and his mom.
Robin asked what kind of responsibilities a spokesperson for a brand has to do. Howard said he might be the least experienced at that so he doesn't know. Robin said Ellen Degeneres is being accused of being in a racist commercial because there's only one child of color in it. Robin said Ellen isn't in charge of the commercial. Howard said it sounds wacky to him. He said everything is wacky.
Robin said Howard loves music and maybe that's why he's so healthy. Robin said they say singing in a choir can boost the immune system of cancer patients. Howard said Robin had cancer and many who have that type of cancer don's survive. Howard said Robin came out of surgery singing. Fred played some clips of Robin singing.
Howard said at the Houston Open they had some great Baba Booey shout outs. Howard played a few examples. There was one where a couple guys yelled it out at the same time. Howard had another one where the same two guys did it again. He played a third clip where one guy got in a good Baba Booey. Howard said it sounded like the golfer doing it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the cartoon Speedy Gonzalez returning to the big screen. Robin said it's just in the early stages of development.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart saving a bull who escaped while being transported to a slaughterhouse. Howard said he loves Jon. Howard said this bull got out of the transport and Jon is saving it. Howard said that people feel bad for it and they gave it a name. Robin said it's named Frank Lee. Robin said the cow is now in Watkins Glen, New York on an animal sanctuary. Howard said Beth was all worked up over that story. He said Jon is her hero now.
Robin read a story about a woman who spent a weekend in a library bathroom. Robin said employees found her in there the following Monday. Robin said she was stuck in a stall and didn't have a phone to call. Howard said that's so weird.
Robin said they have a friend who once spent a night in a night club. Robin said it was the wrap party for Private Parts. Robin said it was Kathy Tobin who passed out in the bathroom and she woke up the next morning in an empty club and no way to get out. she had a cell phone and was able to call to get out.
Robin said Donald Trump is getting a lot of heat for his opinion on women. Robin said he pulled out his wife Melania Trump to speak at some of the events he's been speaking at. Robin had some clips of Melania speaking. Robin read some more news about Trump and others. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about how Trump is saying he'll get Mexico to pay for the border wall. Robin said Trump would threaten to stop letting Mexican immigrants living here from sending money home. Howard said he doesn't get it. He had to hear it again. After that Howard said it sounds pretty good to him. He said we do control the mail.
Robin read a story about porn star Amber Rayne dying this weekend at the age of 31. Howard said he's probably beat off to her. Robin said she thinks she might have done the show. Robin had some clips of her from some of the adult films she's been in. Robin had one from FuckMyThroat.com where she was gagging on the guy. Robin said they say she may have overdosed. Howard said if you dye at 31 that's possible.
Robin read a story about Tennessee trying to make the Bible their official book.
Robin asked if Howard has ever traced his ancestry. Howard said he hasn't. He said he has no desire to look into those loser's lives. Robin said maybe they fell off from some lofty height. Robin said Ancestry.com is getting an infusion of cash from an investor. Robin said they have a billion dollar investment and that will help people do some research.
Robin read about how Bill Cosby is being allowed to hold off on giving evidence in a case going on in Massachusetts.
Robin read a story about a gun that came out that looks like an iPhone. Robin said they're saying it's for a person who needs a disguised gun. Robin said Senator Schumer is saying it's a very bad idea and a disaster waiting to happen. Robin had some audio of him talking about this weapon. Howard said a gun should look like a gun.
Robin read a story about bats and how they're dying off from some infection they're getting. Robin said that they are trying to figure out a way to stop this white nose syndrome. Robin had some audio of an official talking about how people can try to stop it when they go into caves where bats live. Robin said bats save farmers about $3 billion in pesticides per year. Howard said that's true. Robin said they are valuable.
Robin asked if Howard remembers Zayn Malik. Howard said he's in some pop band. Robin said he's out doing a solo career and he's been making it work. Robin had some of him singing his new single. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said they have a lot to talk about today. He mentioned Jon Cryer and Gary said he was listening to his audio book for the past few weeks and he'd come in with new stories every day. Gary said Howard talked to Jon for 45 minutes before they even got to the Charlie Sheen stuff.
Jon and Gary talked about Jon Cryer and how much he went through in his career. Allan said he has crossed paths with so many great people and he's still very gracious himself. Jon said he had one story about having only 3 weeks of work in 3 years at one point.
Gary said Jon did Superman 4 and then the movie Hiding Out in the same year and he thought he was doing really well but the movies didn't do well. He said he actually liked Hiding Out though. Jon said he didn't know that movie sunk the movie company that put it out.
Jon said Cryer had to read in Newsweek that he was a ''show killer.'' He said that's nearly impossible to get over. Gary said that would be like saying Ted McGinley makes every show jump the shark. Jon said that he continued to get cast though. He said that it is difficult to overcome something like that. They talked about some of the other shows he had that didn't make it. Jon said he did okay with Two and a Half Men. Gary said he was making like $675,000 per episode at one point. He said he hopes he saved up that money.
Gary said Zach Braff was on the show a couple years ago and he went to that theater camp that Cryer went to. He said he didn't know at the time it wasn't cool to go there. Jon said Cryer talked about how half the guys there were gay and he got to know some women there but he didn't score with any of them.
Jon said another thing Howard related to was his relationship with Demi Moore. Jon said this was 1984 Demi Moore. Gary said that they've all dated a girl they thought was their girlfriend and they weren't. Jon said he went to pick her up at her house and the housekeeper tells him that she's out with her boyfriend. Jon said the book is really good and Jon did a great job in there with Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the Jon Cryer interview was great. He said he actually called in about High Pitch Erik. He said he always calls in crying the blues. He said he's plenty capable of working but he's a hemorrhoid on society's ass. Gary said he just had a seizure so how can he work? The caller said he has that from being fat. Gary said someone who is very close to Erik was suggesting that he likes the attention of going to the hospital. He said it's an adventure for him and he might be doing it for that. Jon said he can't put that past him.
Jon asked Allan if Erik's health worries him. Allan said that Erik works and he's figured out a way to get his bills paid. He said he is doing something.
Jon said that these incidents are happening more frequently lately. Rahsaan said he doesn't think he's going to die anytime soon. He said he'll be like a roach and he'll out survive everyone in the Wack Pack. Gary said he knows what he means. He said he's like a drunk guy who walks away from an accident.
Gary said Erik says he's down to 380 pounds and he seems well on his way to losing 100 pounds for his bet. He said the first 30 are easy but after that it might be tough. Gary said he doesn't mean to sound like a dick but if he loses a leg to diabetes he isn't paying the bet. He said that's not how it works. They went to break after that.
Jon talked about how Sour does his Gary impression and how close it sounds to him. Gary said they were going to do a prank on his wife to see how long Sour could fool her but he doesn't think it would have lasted long.
Jon asked if Gary thinks that Howard has really had it with his stories. Gary said he does feel like he's worn out his welcome at times. Rahsaan asked if he has ever tried to lay low after hearing that stuff. Gary said he has. Gary said he's been there for over 32 years now and sometimes you hear a story one too many times.
Gary said he liked how Ronnie shot back at Robin about the ass eating thing when she said it was gross. Ronnie shot back with her story about getting it up the ass over a sink.
Jon said the caller was very passionate about the ass eating thing. That led to the guys bringing up Gary doing it. Gary said he did it once many years ago and they make it sound like he's the king of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard seems to have had it with everything. He said that he is great at interviewing but he's a dickhead with callers and the staff. He said the curmudgeon thing was funny for a little while but he's been insufferable since the new contract. Jon said he thinks he has his moods and he gets frustrated with his callers over their phone connections or losing interest in what they have to say. Jon said Howard always leaves the caller on and thanks them for the call. Jon said he doesn't do that himself. The caller said he doesn't think so. He said Howard will find something confrontational in the caller and yell at them. He said every time he sits down on the chair he's making $470,000. Gary asked if he's figured that out by figuring out what he makes and dividing it. The caller changed subjects and went off on Howard some more. They spent a few more minutes with him. Gary wanted to know why the caller keeps coming back to the show every day if he doesn't like it. Gary said he thinks most people like that curmudgeon Howard. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he's in 100 percent agreement with Howard about how he doesn't know what happened on the show but he enjoys watching it. He said he has to ask Jon what happened that week on the show. Jon said it was driving him crazy when Howard wasn't able to say her name.
Jon said he's not sure what's going to happen on the show this season. He said the books are done so the creators of the show are writing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary made a comment about wearing out his welcome. He said after 30 years he thinks that Howard would say ''What the fuck is wrong with you?'' if he heard that. He said if people pick on you they probably care about you. He said Jon and Gary do a great job. Gary said if Howard stopped talking about him at all it would suck. He said getting goofed on does take its toll though.
Jon said you wonder if no attention is worse than too much attention. Gary said there's nothing worse than Howard going on a tirade and you want to say something but you don't so you don't keep it going. Gary said sometimes you just do it and it keeps the tirade going for another 6 minutes.
Jon said sometimes you wonder why someone is going into that studio. He said it's just tough to resist. Gary said Sal is a great example of that. Gary said he has told Sal a million times that if he goes in and Howard likes his story just leave. He said Sal always over stays his welcome. Jon said Gary can some and go as he pleases but other people can't really do that. Jon said he and JD know when Sal gets comfortable in there they know something is going to happen. Gary said Howard loves Shuli and Howard kicked him out in the middle of a story and he walked out of there woozy.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around noon.
Howard started the show talking about Fred playing a clip of Gary clearing his throat to the tune of ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Robin asked if Gary has gotten better. Howard said he hasn't heard him clearing his throat for a few weeks now. Robin said she never thought that would end. Howard said he stands in the hall clearing it for 10 minutes so the other guys have to hear it.
Howard said they're going to do a Stump the Booey so if you want to try to win against Gary you can email them at email@example.com.
Howard said he was looking at the email Fred culled. He said he won't explain that word to Bobo. He said they were fucking with him again to find out what he knew. Howard said Robin has to hear this. Howard said they gave Bobo the word consonant and asked if he knew what it was. Howard said you have you have vowels and then you have a consonant. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about how it has something to do with grammar. He put it in a sentence and it wasn't right. Howard said you have to be glued to your radio hearing that. He said the people who hate Bobo have to like that. Howard said Bobo has no fucking clue.
Howard said Bobo can define some words but he can't use them correctly. Howard said they asked Bobo what a habitat is but he can't use it in a sentence. He played a clip of Bobo trying to use it in a sentence but he didn't use it right. Howard said Bobo isn't on the phone this morning. He said he is every other day. Howard said he's not sure what happens with Bobo.
Howard said they asked Bobo what the word ''valiant'' is. He played the clip and Bobo said it means you're doing really well. He didn't use it in a sentence correctly.
Howard said they asked him what ''dictate'' means. Bobo said it means to rule. He used it in a sentence and used it wrong again. Howard said they were hoping to get Bobo to redeem himself with 2nd and 4th grade words but that didn't work. Howard played a song parody about not picking up on Bobo. Howard said he wonders how Bobo follows the show sometimes. He said they have a lot of words he doesn't get.
Howard said that's a good reason for Ronnie to listen. Robin asked what would happen if Richard had licked his ass yesterday and he got turned on. Howard said that's what he was afraid of.
Howard read a quick email about High Pitch Erik who was on yesterday. Howard said they have High Pitch Erik in a sound proof room and Joey Boots is there. Howard said Joey is there and wants him to help him out with a problem he has with Erik. Joey came in and Howard said he looks healthier now than he did last time. Joey said he's lost about 25 pounds. Howard said Joey came to him with a problem. He said he heard from Baba Booey that Joey recently came into a little money. He said it's a life changing amount. Joey said it is. Howard said Erik has been telling him if he gets the money he they should get an apartment together. Howard said Joey has a little money and he dreams of getting his own place. Joey is looking around for a new place but he's being smart with his money.
Joey said he would love to live with Erik but he's so upset to tell him he can't afford an apartment. He said Erik can't afford to pay a share of it. Joey said you can't get a cheap apartment in the city. Howard said if he went out to Long Island or Suffolk County it might be cheaper. Joey said even out there it's expensive. Joey said you can get cheaper stuff in the city for maybe $1500 but that's only a one bedroom. Joey said people who life outside the city don't understand that. Howard said Erik doesn't understand money all that well.
Howard said they have to tell Erik a couple of things. Howard said they have to tell him Joey got his money but it's not enough for a 2 bedroom. They have to tell Erik that he can't go with Joey. Joey said he feels like he's being a bad person. He said they almost need each other. Joey said he feels bad about this. He said he feels like he's been bullshitting him but he has to move on with his life. He said he's really upset about this.
Joey said he wants to move out within the next few months. Robin said Joey is crying. Joey said Erik is a good person. He said he is a slow adult and he doesn't understand a lot of shit. Howard asked what he needs him to do. Joey said he needs him to help explain that he won't be there every day and he's moving on. Howard said he knows Erik is going to be devastated. Robin asked how often he'd see him. Joey said it won't be all the time. He said they talk every day on the phone. Howard said he thinks he'll see him at least once every 5 years.
Howard said he's going to help and break the news to Erik. He said he knows what he's going to do. He said he's going to work on him to figure it out. Howard said Joey doesn't really want to live with Erik. Joey said it would have to be a big apartment. Howard said he doesn't have the cash for that.
Howard asked Joey if he thinks Erik is going to get really bad with this. Joey said he doesn't know. Howard said he'll start it off and keep it simple. Joey said he thinks he can explain it to Erik. He said if Erik starts protesting maybe Howard can jump in.
Howard said Erik came down to get his Flat Ronnie. Howard said he will probably bring up the seizure he just had. Joey said he had really high blood pressure so he may bring that up. He said he's been really good about his eating and dieting. Howard said they've been seeing each other all the time lately. Joey said they do. He said he lives in the penthouse and Erik has to climb stairs there to get up there so he can't make it up that much.
Howard asked Joey if this is going to feel like he's letting a kid go. Joey said he loves Erik and he has affection for him but not gay or anything. He said that he likes him as a friend. Howard said he'd have to have really low standards to have gay feelings for Erik.
Howard said he's not sure what's going to happen. He said maybe Erik will take it well. Howard said he's worried about what will happen after. Robin said she's wondering how Erik is going to survive without Joey. Gary said he did it long before Joey.
Howard had the guys bring Erik in. Gary went to get him. Howard said he hopes he'll be okay with this. Howard said he's going to try to get through to him. High Pitch Erik came in and said he had to put his feet up to relax. Joey said he's never put his feet up before. Erik said his feet get tired. Howard asked how much he weighs. Erik said he was down to 381 last time he weighed himself. Howard asked if he's really motivated to lose weight now. Erik said he is. Howard asked if he ate this morning. Erik said he didn't eat anything and he's going to go home and have a rice cake and a yogurt. Howard asked if he can stick to this. Joey said he has been for a while. Howard asked if he's exercising. Erik said he walks. He said he threw away all of his soda.
Howard said he feels like Erik is a strong guy and a survivor. Howard said he is fond of him. Howard said life has it's ups and downs. Howard said you just roll with it. Howard asked what Erik does to handle change. Erik said you have to be a strong person. Howard said we all have a separate life. Howard said Erik has to fend for himself and Joey has to fend for himself. Howard said Erik is a survivor. Erik said ''Riiiight?''
Howard said Joey wants to tell him something. Howard said he's there to help. Joey said that he came into some money and Erik knew that. Joey told Erik that he has been looking for apartments and there is nothing he can afford with him. Joey said he can only afford to get a one bedroom and he is going to be moving out. Erik said ''No!'' Joey said that he can't get a 2 bedroom with the money he's making. Erik said he's seen apartments for $1,400 a month. Joey said those are scams. He said Erik got scammed out of some money with that on Craigslist.
Howard said Joey has gone out and done research. He said if Joey wants to go off on his own he will still be his friend. He said he isn't his answer for his problems with where he lives. Howard said Erik has a great place to live. Erik asked what he's going to do without him. Howard said Joey will come by and he'll see him sometimes. Erik asked if he's really looking for an apartment. Joey said he has been. He said he wants to move to Manhattan. Howard said he's there to make sure that Erik is okay with this. Erik said he can't let him go. Howard said Joey can't be responsible for him. Erik said he is sort of a parent to him. Howard said he can't look at him that way.
Joey said last night they were talking about how Erik needs someone to be his medical power of attorney. Joey said he still can be. Howard said Joey will still be around. He said he'll just live in a different place. Erik said he'll be far for him to travel. Joey said that he can take his Access-a-Ride to his place. Erik said he can't make it without Joey.
Howard asked Erik if he's going to lay that trip on Joey. He said Joey is crying over this. Erik said he has people who give him a hard time in his building. Joey said he's going to be there to help on the phone. Erik said people hassle him in his building for no reason. Howard said he's sure there's a reason. Howard said Joey has to move on and have a life. Howard said he hopes Erik can be happy for him. Joey said he's not.
Erik said it's going to be hard at first. Howard said it will be. He said he's going to lose a friend and it's going to be hard. Erik asked why he didn't tell him first. Joey said he wanted Howard to help and try to smooth it over.
Joey said he knows that Erik thought they were going to get old together but he has to move on. Howard said that's what he told his wife, that's not what they're supposed to do. Erik said he has a lot of stress on him. Howard said there's stress every day of your life. Erik wanted to tell him about this love triangle that was going on. Howard said he doesn't want to know about that. Howard said this is Erik's moment. He said this is where he can shine. Robin said he has to be the bigger guy and tell Joey he hopes he finds a great apartment.
Erik said this is Joey's moment to shine and this is his chance to own his own apartment. Erik said he knows this is what he's always wanted. Howard said that must feel good. Erik said it did. Howard said he knows it won't be easy. Robin said he may have a few months before it happens.
Erik said he has been having some problems of his own. Howard said no fucking shit. Erik said that might be why he had the seizure. Erik said it's because of this love triangle. Howard asked what he's talking about. Erik said there's a girl named Lisa. Howard cut him off and said this is going to be boring. Erik said he knew this girl Lisa for 4 years in Arizona. Erik said he got an appearance in February in Atlanta. Howard cut him off and said anyone who can't get laid, just listen to this. Howard said the boring meter is creeping upward.
Erik told Howard about flying to Atlanta and this friend helped him out down there. Howard said Erik doesn't miss a beat. He said he's right back to this stuff after Joey told him the bad news. Erik said the girl's name is Jolie. Gary said Shuli just told him this is just to get her name on the air to impress her. Howard said he has a radio show and someone is using him to get their name on the air. Joey said she's not using him, he's just trying to impress her.
Howard said he has to let him out of this. Howard said he's putting his tit through the wringer with this story. Joey said this is his air time. Howard said it won't help get him laid if he gets her name out there. Joey said she's the one who suggested she needs medical power of attorney. Joey said he wants to end this. He said Shuli is right. He said Erik met this girl for 3 hours and this is what it leads to. He said he thinks it's like a mother thing for Erik.
Joey said they're doing an appearance on the 15th of this month at the Smiling Moose in Pittsburgh. He said Erik wrote a plug for it on Twitter and he put in her name but not Gonzo Shitcock's name even though he's part of the show. Howard said Erik is trying to build a career for this girl.
Erik mentioned that he and Joey are going to vote for Pablo Rodriguez. Howard said that's right. They heard that. Joey said he's not sure how Erik is going to be later about this whole thing. Howard asked who Erik loves more, Joey or Lisa. Erik said Joey.
Erik asked if he wants him to weigh in today. Howard said he's not sure. Gary said they can't because Cheap Trick's equipment is all over it. Then they found out it's not. Howard had Erik go over to weigh in. Howard asked what he weighed last time he was in. Erik said he was 413. Howard asked what he's at now. Jason said he's 384. Howard said he's only got to lose 9 million more pounds.
Joey asked what happened to the trainer he was with last time. Erik said he had to stop with him after his health problems. He said he's going to start up with him after the Smiling Moose appearance.
Howard said Erik can do things on his own. Howard told Erik not to be freaked out when Joey moves. He said he is proud of him for losing the weight. Howard said he can have his Flat Ronnie back now. Howard said leave that poor girl alone too.
Howard asked if Erik loves Joey or Donnie Wahlberg more. Erik said that's tough. He thought about it and said he thinks he loves Donnie more. Joey said he doesn't feel bad at all now. He said Donnie isn't getting an apartment with him. Joey asked if Donnie would put ointment in his ass. Erik said maybe. Howard said he heard Erik had two frogs name Donnie and Jenny and they're dead already. Joey said they got out of their enclosure. Howard said he heard Erik wanted to get a dog but he told him not to. Joey said he told him too. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he was listening to some Cheap Trick tracks that should have been hits. Howard said Rolling Stone put out an article about 10 tracks they put out that you should know about. Howard said it was good.
Howard said he doesn't get the Bernie Sanders thing. He said he thinks people just want to be outrageous. Howard said it's weird. Robin said he has touched something in American voters. Howard said Hillary is such a good candidate for the democrats. Howard said the Bernie Sanders thing seems like a ''fuck you'' to the system. Howard said Bernie made a victory speech last night that was ridiculous. Howard played a parody of his speech that a fake Bernie did.
Howard said all of the experts say Hillary Clinton will win. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said that Super Delegates can pick who they want and they could end up going with Bernie. Howard said you never know what's up.
Howard said Ted Cruz is a scary individual to him. He said the way he sees his thing is that his whole belief system is denying people any government or working with the other side of the aisle. Robin said she thinks he's against science too.
Howard blew his nose and said he's almost over his cold. He said he knows it's gross but he has shared everything with people.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says that Hillary is the most corrupt politician. Howard picked up and asked what he's talking about. The guy said he's killing him with this Hillary Clinton thing. He said that Condoleeza Rice would be better than Hillary. He said she was a terrible senator. Howard said he doesn't even care. He said it's such a stupid thing. Howard said if you were smart you'd just listen to him.
Howard said today is the 10 year anniversary of Blue Iris riding the Sybian. Howard said the day that happened it jumped the shark. Howard said it ruined the Sybian for everyone. Howard played a clip from that day when she sat on the vibrator of all vibrators.
Howard said in other news there's a big controversy. He said Justin Bieber got dreadlocks. Howard said some black people are saying he's appropriating dreadlocks from black culture. Howard said this is ridiculous. Howard said he's going to stick up for Justin Bieber even though he goofs on him a lot. Howard said he does like some of his new songs. Robin said she does too. Howard said he is a douche though. Howard said he doesn't understand why he is but he is. Howard said he has some good songs like ''I'll Suck Your Ween.'' Howard played some of their song parody ''I'll Suck Your Ween.'' Howard said Justin was on the I Heart Radio awards and performed. He said he was good but he is douchy.
Howard said any white guy who has time in his life to get a tattoo every day and get dreadlocks has to get a fucking life. Howard said this kid has way too much free time. Howard said he knows black women who get blonde hair and he doesn't say they're appropriating white people culture. Howard said just do what you want to do, he doesn't care. Howard said don't make a big deal out of it. Robin agreed. She said he's not the first white person to have dreads. Howard said Fred was back in 1982. Fred said actually Axl Rose did.
Howard said he used to go on vacation and he'd have women asking if they could braid his kid's hair braided. Howard said it's nonsense.
Howard said he is friends with Ahmet Zappa posts stuff on Facebook. Howard said Ahmet direct messaged him and he asked him to give him a shout out. He said that he's in charge of his dad's entire archive. Howard said there is a Kickstarter going on to do a documentary about Frank. He said you can go to WhoIsFrankZappa.com to find out more. Howard said Fred might want to check that out. Fred said he will.
Howard took a call from a guy, Apples, who asked who his dad is supporting in the election. Howard said he thinks Hillary. Howard said he and his dad don't talk much about that shit anymore. He said he's 93 now and he's not that into that stuff anymore. The caller said he's imagining his dad talking to Bernie Sanders. Howard did his dad's voice and explained how he tries to speak proper English and he has this weird accent when he does it. Howard did the impression and explained where it came from. Robin said her mother used to pronounce every letter in the word ''vegetable.''
The caller asked if Ben was aware of his accent because he was recording with professionals. Howard said that was part of it. Howard said his dad used to yell at him to go to school to learn to annunciate. Howard said his dad used to talk about the people he worked with and how good they were at their jobs. Howard said his dad would go fucking crazy when he said he wanted to be on the radio. Howard did an impression of his mom telling him he could be on the radio. Robin said that was sweet of her to do that.
Howard did more of his dad placing an order at a restaurant. Apples asked if he thinks his dad being hard on him made him better. Howard said he's in great shape because of that. Howard said telling him he's shit turned him into a great radio personality. Howard said imagine how great he'd be if someone told him he's good. Howard said his dad called him an asshole every day. Howard said he's good on radio because he's fucking brilliant. Howard said he's a fucking mental case from all of that. Howard said he's afraid to leave the house.
Howard said there's a show called Independent Lens. Howard said there's a town that's been abandoned in North Dakota. He said there are a couple of people living there. He said one day a guy moves in and he's a lead white supremacist who buys up all of the land Howard said the people go nuts. Howard said it's crazy.
Apples said he grew up around guys like that. Howard said he doesn't get these people who are so into the rebel flag that they won't take it down. Howard said you have to stop with that. He said it represents a time when we were divided. Howard said we're not sticking together anymore. Robin said we're a bunch of low down drunks who go to Wing Bowl.
Howard said they went to this abortion protest and these people are out of their fucking minds. Howard played a clip of Memet talking to a woman about abortion and this woman was saying that even if it's the result of a rape the abortion should not happen. She said she knows a lot of people who have had kids and they help with the healing process.
Howard said they got nutty and asked people if they would go back in time and abort baby Hitler. Howard said there were so many soldiers who died because of Hitler. Howard played a clip of a woman talking about how she'd be against that. The woman said life must be protected from the moment of conception. She said it's still a person. Howard said she won't even abort Hitler. Howard said even Hitler thinks these people are nuts.
Howard played another interview where the woman said about the same thing the other woman said. She said that all human being err in their lives. Howard said stealing something out of the 5 and 10 is an err. Howard said 60 million people died in World War II because of that fuck Hitler. Howard said this woman wouldn't abort him.
Howard played another clip where Memet asked people if they would adopt a child that wasn't aborted. One couple said they would but they have 6 kids of their own already. Howard said they make it seem like someone is going to come knock on their door and ask them to adopt. Howard said if you want to adopt a kid they can find one. Howard said they're fucking bullshit artists. Robin said they have 6 too many kids if they're going to grow up in that crap. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he'll have more messages of hope throughout the morning. Howard said he has one for people who suffer from the Zika virus and people who have been molested by dolphins.
Robin said she's been watching the series The Borges on Netflix and they had a person called the Pope's pear and if you were a sodomite they'd ram a golden orb into you until you died.
Howard read some email about JDini and what a big hit he was. Howard said Fred told him that they had an overwhelming amount of email about JDini. Howard said JD is so bad at it that people love it. Howard read some of the comments they got about that segment.
Howard said they called a conspiracy radio show with clips of JDini. Howard played that call and they had the host of the show trying to guess who JD was doing impressions of. Then they just played clips of JD rambling nonsense and the host said he's broken through every defense wall they have there. The host said they were hacked. Howard said it was a phone call, they weren't hacked.
Howard read some more email and had some comments about Donald Trump running for president. Howard had a pro-Bobo email. Howard said the person said that Bobo is his favorite Wack Packer. The guy said that all of the haters should step back and let Bobo have his moment.
Howard read some comments about the Khaleesi on Game of Thrones. Howard said the writer says if they fired her for not getting naked that HBO would have backlash about it and they'd never be able to recover. Howard said they used to hire sexy women for sexy shows and then they'd get pregnant. Howard said a woman won a lawsuit because she was fired over that. Robin said that the Khaleesi is naked in the book and she bears one breast. Robin asked why they don't argue that she doesn't want to play the role. Howard said you can't win that argument in court. Howard said they don't want to rock the fucking boat.
Howard read some email about him calling Taylor Swift hot and how wrong that is. Howard said he isn't sure who these guys are banging but he thinks they'd melt for her in 2 seconds. Robin said if Howard finds her sexy why can't he say that. Howard said people are nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if his dad has ever told him he was wrong for saying he should never get into radio. Howard said no but he has taken credit for helping him become what he has. Howard said his father did pull him aside at one point in his career and said he loves him and he's proud of him. The caller said that's good to hear.
The caller asked where Hanzi has been. Howard said he hasn't called. Howard said he thinks he gets very frustrated if he doesn't pick up on him every day. Howard said he can't make the show about him every day. Howard said maybe he got a job. Robin said no way that happened.
The caller asked how High Pitch Erik is doing. Howard said he should listen to the first hour of the show to find out. Howard said you have to listen to every minute of the show to know what's going on.
Howard read some more email about what they did on the show yesterday talking about I Heart Radio. Howard said they may have lost Robin but this guy thought it was interesting.
Howard asked if he needs to break. Fred said they do. Howard said he has more shit to get to after that. He said Cheap Trick will be in too. They went to break after that. As they were going to break they played a ''Twins'' parody with Jenny McCarthy and Tan Mom.
Howard said he's shocked her man can't cum. She said he can. Howard asked if she talks to him during the hand job. Howard said try not talking and maybe he'll cum faster. She said it's a sexual thing. Howard said give him an example of this. She said she hopes her family isn't listening. She told Howard to get the juicy cum on her titties. Howard said that sounds good. The caller said she can't talk because she's at work. She said she just wants to get it over with when her husband wants it.
Howard said something tells him that if she just wants to get it over with that's why it lasts. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard said she probably has kids and they're trapped in the house with her. Howard said imagine the yentaing that's going on in that house. He said she doesn't stop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is really out of touch when it comes to politics and the little guy who works really hard. Howard told him to tell him what he's out of touch with. The caller said with Bernie Sanders he doesn't understand. Howard said even Bernie doesn't understand Bernie Sanders. The caller was going on and on about Hillary and Howard just said he's right. He said vote for whoever you want. Howard hung up on the guy. Howard said he's not going to argue with the guy. Howard said Hillary defended 9/11 first responders.
Howard said they interviewed Bernie Sanders the other day and asked him how he's going to do things and he doesn't even know. Howard said you have to know people and muscle people in politics. Howard said it's very difficult. He said get off the pipe dream that one person is going to change the country. Howard said people get worked up when you hear one guy saying they can get something done quickly. Howard said it doesn't work like that. It's more like moving a barge down a river. He said it takes time. Howard said that's why people are upset with Obama. He said it's not so easy to get shit done. Howard said he thinks that Donald Trump would be frustrated. He said when you own your own business it's one thing but politics is a different thing. He said he's not going to be able to get it done quickly like he can with his own business.
Howard said that the caller doesn't know what's going on ether. Howard said this is the craziest political season ever. Howard said the whole system is fucked up. Howard said never mind all of that shit. He said they're going to celebrate Cheap Trick today. He said they're going to come in and play one or two songs. Howard said he sees potential excitement there with all of the instruments they have in there. Howard went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a prank call the guys made to a radio show with clips of Howard. They also played a Howard Stern song parody.
Howard came back and said that Cheap Trick is there. They were warming up so they took over for the David Bowie song for about a second. Howard asked if they knew Bowie. They said they met him a few times. They said they ended up holding his hand and he had no idea. Howard said David was something else.
Howard asked when you write songs for a living you admire people like that and The Beatles. The guys said they used to cover Bowie songs when they were starting out. Howard said they covered Magical Mystery Tour too. He played some of that cover. Howard said he plays it all the time.
Howard said the guys love the Beatles so much and they honor them by covering songs like that. Howard said they also have some lyrics that are Beatles-esque. Rick said they had to practice some stuff this morning that they asked them to include in the song they're playing this morning. Rick Nielsen said he wrote the song and but he forgot how it goes. Howard said even as great as they are they have to go over it. Howard said it's possible to forget these songs. Rick said when you've written a thousand you can forget some of it. Rick said he has to go and learn some stuff sometimes when they perform them. He said when he stared writing songs he stopped doing some of that stuff.
Robin said Michael Jackson bought ''If You Want My Love'' from them and he was going to sue them if they put it out. Rick said they put it out anyway. Howard said it's one of his favorites that they do. They said they're going to do it in a different style today. Howard said he likes when they put a different slant on a song like that.
Howard asked if there's a story behind that song. He asked what was going on at the time. Rick said he writes love songs sometimes. He said they do some love songs at times. Rick said it's okay to be romantic. Howard asked if he ever plays this for his wife in bed. Rick said that's the only way to get her aroused.
Howard had the guys perform ''If You Want My Love'' for them. They went right into the song. After the song Howard asked if it's still fun to do this. The guys said it is. Howard said he has to learn to play. Rick said he's teach him. Howard said Rick's son is playing drums in the band now. Rick said Bun E. just had to leave.
Howard said that he has to congratulate them on getting into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said he's so happy for them. Howard said he'd love to see them perform there but he can't go. Howard said people say it doesn't really matter but it does. Robin and Rick said it does matter. Robin said the other bands being inducted are even older than they are. They mentioned some of the bands and said it's pretty cool stuff. Howard said it should be a cool show. Howard said he imagines they worked out with Bun E. Carlos something. Howard asked if they're going to reunite on stage. They are and they hope that he'll remember the songs. Howard said they must rehearse. The guys said they won't. They'll probably do their big 3 at the hall of fame. He said they have to do what they're asked to do.
Howard asked if they'll talk to Bun E. before the show. Rick said they will. Daxx said he understands that and he has no problem with it. Howard said it's a lovely thing that Rick had his son join the band. Howard said most fathers would tell them to go do their own thing. Howard asked if it was weird to have his son come in like that. Rick said Daxx came in and covered for Bun E. when he had a back operation. He said that he has played with other bands too so he had the experience. Rick said they saw him grow up from a baby too. Howard said that can be weird. Robin said Rick said he's very talented and he's right about that.
Howard asked if Daxx was able to contribute and put his own twist on things. Daxx said they did. He said he was there the whole time when they were working on the new album.
Rick said he had to make sure the rest of the band was cool with it before he asked. Howard asked if he would rather have his son there or Bun E. Robin said they wouldn't let them do it the way they want. Rick said they wanted Howard to induct them but they wouldn't have that either. Howard said those sons of bitches...
Howard said he'd be too nervous to induct them. Howard said he would feel he wouldn't do their legacy honor enough. Howard said he's not sure he'd have the right words. They said Kid Rock will have to come up with something now.
Howard asked if they have admired anyone and become friends with them. Rick said everybody knows them and unless they're touring with them they might not see them.
Rick said that they've had other guys drum for them like Dave Grohl and Chad from Red Hot Chili Peppers. He said that Chad had to go off to Europe to do his thing. He said they knew that they weren't going to be full time. Howard asked Daxx what it's like when he's in the band with his dad. He asked if he calls him dad or Rick. Daxx said he calls him Rick. He said the Dad thing ended about 6 years ago.
Howard asked if Rick is a good dad. Daxx said he is a great guy. He said he did the right thing for the family when he let his mom take over. Rick said that they had a lot of musicians at the house when Daxx was growing up. He mentioned Kiss and Hall & Oates among others. They talked about Gene Simmons and how great he was at finding good bands. He gave Van Halen 5 grand to record their first album.
Howard said that what's crazy about their career is that they did that Cheap Trick At Budokan album it sounded like they were huge. Howard said that they treated them like god over there. Robin said he still doesn't get royalties from that ''I Want You to Want Me'' statement. Rick said someone put that song in a movie. He said oh yeah, that was Howard. Howard asked if they almost didn't put that song on the playlist. Robin said it was 5 minutes before they played that they put it in. Rick said that it was the studio version that was the hit over there. They didn't even think of it. Someone else suggested that they play it. Howard played some of that song. They started to play live during the song and then kind of tapered off when Howard stopped the song.
Howard said that the guys worked with George Martin who worked with the Beatles. Rick said he came out to Wisconsin to work with them when there was like 6 feet of snow on the ground. Rick said he was great to work with. They talked about how George worked and how he'd take the songs to London and add stuff to songs. Rick said they had them do some weird stuff too. Rick said he wrote a note for George to read on the album and he did that for them. He said it was a little awkward for him to do it but he did it. He said it was an honor to have him do that.
Howard asked if George Martin talked about the Beatles at all. Rick said they never asked but he did talk about it a little bit.
Howard said learning of his death must have been hard. Rick said it was horrible. He said about 5 years before that he got his original charts for Sgt. Peppers. He said he went to his house and had dinner with him and his wife. Rick said they were doing the 40 year anniversary at the Hollywood Bowl and he got the charts. Rick said he went to take a piss in his bathroom and the Cheap Trick gold album was hanging above the toilet.
Howard asked about doing with John Lennon. Rick said that he was working with him the day Daxx was born. He said that was just another day he wasn't here for his son. He said his wife gave him a hall pass for that. Howard said that Rick didn't want to fuck it up. Rick said they did smoke cigars to celebrate. He said he wasn't there in the hospital but he did celebrate. Howard said he was with John Lennon. Rick said if it was Paul McCartney asking he would have been in the hospital. He said no offense of course. Robin said Paul is going to be at the Hall of Fame.
Rick played some of what he was playing for John Lennon. Rick said John told him that he wishes he had him to play for him because Clapton had locked up. Howard said John gave him what he wanted to play but it must not have sounded like that. Rick played what John was playing and how he changed it up to give it a different feel. Howard said he has heard their recording of that song.
Howard asked what happened when he first saw John Lennon. He asked what he said. Rick said John looked at him and said ''Oh, it's you!'' He said they talked guitars and they were going to go guitar shopping because John had a shitty guitar. He said he gave him one of the guitars he was playing. He said he said he'd pick it up later and got it back 3 years later from Yoko. He said he gets a Christmas card from her every year. He said she may not even know it's him.
Howard asked why John had a shitty guitar. Rick said he just had an old guitar he was playing. He said he wanted to take him shopping for a new one. He said he talked about doing an album with Cheap Trick. Howard said that would have been great. Howard said he thinks that the combination of their voices would have been cool. Robin said he wishes he was there. He said he likes it when they ask him to do stuff like that.
Howard said that it was such a horrible loss when John was killed. He said it makes him sick when he hears about Mark David Chapman.
Rick said they were going to produce an album for Ringo too. Howard said it would have been so great if John had collaborated with Cheap Trick. Rick said they can play in a studio even though they're not studio musicians. Howard said that kind of thing doesn't happen so much these days. Howard said bands don't help each other out like they used to. Robin said they used to all party together and now all they have is the induction. Howard said it's just one big party.
Howard said when John Lennon asks you to be on an album you just do it. Howard asked if he went out and bought the album. Rick said it wasn't for another 10 years. He said that they took them off because it was too heavy. Rick said he understands that. Howard said he doesn't.
Howard asked if there's anything special about The Dream Police. Rick said that everyone asks him how to do the middle part. He said even when they play with a big band they don't know how to do it. Rick had the guys do that part of the song with him to demonstrate it to Howard. Howard said no one knows how to do it. He said it's very complex.
Howard asked the guys do ''Dream Police.'' Rick said it wasn't on their list but they'll do it anyway. They went into the song a short time later.
After the song Howard said he should have been up there with them. Howard said he's not sure what he would have done. Howard said Rick started throwing things at him while he was playing. Howard said they gave him the cover of the Live from Budokan album with picks stuck in it. They said they didn't like the cover. They hated it. Howard said Peter Frampton was in there and talked about having that big hit with the live album. Rick said they toured with him last year. Howard said they are great live too. Howard said it's amazing that bands can't perform live like that. Howard said there are so many that can't. Rick said he needs Autotune for his face. Rick said they have a show today and another tomorrow and Robin lost his voice. He said he still came in to do Howard this morning though.
Howard asked if things are super busy now that they're getting into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Robin said people are coming up and asking for autographs now. He said he's known them for 25 years now and they're just asking now.
Howard asked what's going to happen at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. Howard asked if the Bun E. thing will be cordial. Rick said sure, why not. Howard asked what happened between them. Robin said he doesn't know. He said Bun is full of shit about what he says happened. He said there were many reasons. He said he'd call it ''musical differences.'' Rick said it wasn't an all of a sudden thing either. He said it built up. Howard asked it will be awkward for them up on stage. Robin said everyone will have a speech and it won't be that awkward. Howard asked what will happen if Bun E. starts going off on them. Robin said he'll have a microphone too. Rick said it'll be fine. He said they're nervous being there with Howard. Robin said Bun has already said his bit in Rolling Stone. Howard asked if he's going to be a gentleman. Robin said he doesn't care if he brings it up. Howard said he hopes it's peaceful.
Howard asked if they each speak individually. Rick said they get 3 minutes each. Howard asked if they have something in mind that they'll say. Tom Petersson said he has something and he keeps changing his mind about it. He said he may ask Sarah Silverman to write something for him. Howard said Tom left the band for a little while too. Howard asked what he was thinking. Tom said he doesn't know. He said he has a bit of what he wants to say ready to go.
Howard asked Robin what he's going to say. Robin said he'll just say what comes to mind. Howard said he'll have regrets if the does that. Robin said he'll have to write something down then.
Howard asked Rick what he's going to say. Rick said he can't say what he has to say in a minute and a half after playing guitar for 50 years. Rick said he has some song ideas. He said he's going to say it wasn't easy and it.
Howard said the guys have a new album out called ''Bang, Zoom, Crazy...Hello''.
Howard asked Rick if he spends Thanksgiving with Dave Clark from the Dave Clark 5. Rick said that is true. Howard asked if he's got a lot of money. The guys said he is one of the richest guys in the business. Rick said he is a friend of a friend. He said he's friends with Elton John and Sting too. Rick said he brings cans of creamed corn over there because they don't have that over there. He said it's a big deal. He said Dave told him that he's voted for him 5 times. He said he's a fan.
Howard said he used to golf with Scott Weiland too. Rick said he stood on the golf cart while the rest of them were playing. Howard said it's a shame about Scott. Howard asked if they were ever into drugs like that. Rick said he never shot up. He said that kind of thing never appealed to him. He said Dave Grohl told him that if he had stared to do that he'd be in a bus station somewhere sucking dick.
Howard said he wants to congratulate them on their new album. He played their new song ''Heart On the Line'' from the album. Howard said it has to be tough to do an album these days. Howard played their cover of ''The In Crowd'' too. Howard said that's good too. He told them that other song was rockin' too.
Howard said he's happy for the guys and he's happy about the new album. Howard gave them some plugs for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame which airs on HBO on April 30th. Howard said it'll be simulcast on SiriusXM too. Howard thanked the guys for coming in. They went to break after that.
Howard said Rick's wife and Daxx's mother came in during the break. Howard said he thinks she said they've been married for 48 years or something. Howard said they met in high school and after 8 weeks of knowing each other Rick proposed. Howard said it was just 8 weeks. Howard said she wasn't of legal age so Rick had to go to her father and ask. Howard said the father made them wait and they got married after 6 months. Howard said the wife said she was there before the beginning of the band. He said it's a great story. He said she looks terrific. Howard said he can see why Rick wanted her. Robin said she can see what the lyrics ''I want you to want me'' mean now.
Howard said Rick hates their song ''The Flame'' but it's their only number 1 song. Howard said he could talk to those guys all day. He said next time he's dragging his wife in there. Howard had Gary bring her in to ask her one question. Howard said he wants to know if she was the hottest girl in school. Karen said she wasn't. She said Rick was out of her league. Howard asked if she thought it was a little early to ask her to marry him. Karen said she felt the same way about him so it didn't feel weird. She said he was 20 when she met him. She said that he was in college. Howard asked how old she was. Karen said she was 17. Howard said Rick went to her dad and asked to marry her and the dad must have been like ''fuck you.'' Karen said it wasn't quite that way but they did put it off for a while.
Howard said she must have been hot to be dating a college guy. Karen said she doesn't know. Howard asked when her dad stared liking Rick. Karen said they did like him. She said her dad came to diners. Howard asked if Rick hated ''The Flame.'' Karen said she's not going to speak about that. Howard said Rick will. Karen said it's a great song. Howard said he loves it. He said it became number 1. Howard said it's unreal.
Karen said they've been married for 46 years. Howard let Karen go a short time later. Howard told her to be prepared to talk about his penis next time.
Howard said her dad wasn't happy about that marriage. Howard said that's the kind of love story he wants for Robin. Robin said that won't happen. She said she was a young girl and that's the kind of love you can have at that age.
Robin started her news with a story about governor Rick Scott going to a Starbucks and getting chased out by a woman who yelled at him. Howard said he doesn't like that. Robin had some audio of the woman yelling at him about not helping people get jobs in the state and other things. Howard said he's glad he didn't become governor of New York. He said he'd be getting that too. Howard said that woman is really worked up. Howard said the woman did sound articulate. He said you know she's going to get coffee and get real calm from that.
Howard said he read that Rick Scott signed a bill to defund planned parenthood. Howard said you can't take that away. He said that's a good thing. He said everyone has to calm down.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Scott Ferrall impression and talking about Cheap Trick. Then he sang a Cheap Trick song as Scott and Mad Dog Russo. Then he did his George Takei impression and then Richard Simmons. Howard said he has that Richard Simmons laugh down. Howard spoke to Sour as George Takei. He has George's laugh down. Howard asked him some questions about George and Brad having sex and if he worries about getting spinal meningitis. Howard asked him what asshole tastes like. George said he was in Budokan in ''19 seventy noine'' and did his Gary voice just to say ''noine.''
Robin read about how Gawker is appealing the verdict in the Hulk Hogan case. Robin said that they say key evidence was wrongly held and the jury was not correctly instructed. Robin said this case is going to take a while.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who asked what they think about Amy Schumer getting mad about being called ''plus size.'' Robin said that Amy claims she's between a size 8 and 10 and plus size is 16. Howard said anything over a 2 is plus size to him. Howard said Benjy is plus size. He said if you look like him then you're plus size. Tommy said Benjy has lost a lot. Benjy said he has gone down and up a little. He said that he's working out more though.
Tommy said he thinks Amy is hot even when she's heavier. Howard said that Amy shouldn't complain. He said that plus size is over a 4 or something. Robin said it's not, it's over 16 in the stores. Howard said girls are sensitive over that stuff. Howard said the good thing about guys is that they don't get upset if you call them fat. He called Fred fat and he didn't get upset. Fred said he thinks Amy is close to being plus size if she's near a 10. He said the low side of a plus size is a 12 and she's a 10. Robin said she's between an 8 and a 10.
Robin asked if she saw Jon Hein's hair cut yet. Howard said he didn't. Robin said he looks like he gave himself a hair cut with a Flowbee. Tommy said Gary gave it to him with his teeth. He got some laughs from that. Gary said Jon will come in to talk about it. He said he got it at a fancy salon. Fred saw it and said it's not a good cut. He said it's too short on the top. Jon said he was happy with it until Robin brought it up. Howard said you work with what you've got. Robin said his hair has looked better. Robin said she would suggest doing whatever he was doing before. Jon said he was sent to this place to get it done for the TV show he's doing at night. He said that they're trying to balance it out. Howard said it's a little flat toppy but it's fine. Howard said Robin is a girl so she looks close. Howard said he didn't even notice.
Howard said Jon is working on some TV show so that's a dream for him. He said the least of his problems is his hair. Howard said if he wants to look good on TV there are other things. He said he knows enough not to be on TV. Howard said he got out. Howard said if he was halfway good looking he would have been America's sweetheart when he was on America's Got Talent. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about Gawker and how they have to put up $50 million if they want to appeal this case. Howard asked if they did that. Robin said they have a month to do it so she assumes they will.
Robin read a story about Charlize Theron saying that her life isn't so easy because she's beautiful. Howard said she really is beautiful. Howard said he thinks he could put up with anything with her. Robin said a lot of guys have left her. Howard said that's true. Robin said she has never been married and every guy is taking a pass on her. Howard said maybe she's bat shit crazy. Robin said that could be the case. Robin said she claims her beauty keeps her from getting roles. Howard said she's out of it. He said he should write a role for her. He said if he was single he would do that. Howard said if she wants to be ugly she should just get a hair cut like Jon Hein.
Robin read about how the Ramones will have a display in a park in New York City starting this weekend. Howard said he misses Joey. Robin said he would have loved all of this attention and acclaim. Howard said Joey was pretty young. He said that he was older than 40 though. Benjy looked it up and it said 49. He died in 2001. Howard said he had cancer. He said he was a strange looking dude and he looks like him so he can say that. Howard said Joey got tons of pussy though.
Howard played another inspirational message from Mark the Bagger for anyone stranded on a desert island. Howard played that and Mark said keep wishing on the stars and your ship will come in. He said keep waving your hands in the air and they'll find you.
Robin read a story about Walmart taking a pledge to have cage free eggs at their stores. Robin said that they're allowed to be free roaming and not sitting in their own crap all day. Howard said you know they're depressed being locked up. Robin said they're also sitting around in their own shit so they're diseased. Robin said they want to be completely cage free eggs by 2025.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Cheap Trick was fabulous. She also said Howard looked so good on America's Got Talent. She said Simon Cowell looks awful. Howard said she has to listen to him. He said he doesn't think about America's Got Talent anymore. He said he has some good memories and some bad. He said he's so happy that he's doing this show. He said he had enough. He said if she's going to call in every day it's irrelevant to him. Howard said that Simon is a douche bag but he doesn't wish anyone ill will. Howard said he doesn't impact him anymore. Mariann said that they said Howard stepped down and Simon had to come in and save the day. Howard said he knows. He said he wants a moratorium on America's Got Talent. Mariann said she will stop. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck. He said he won't miss Howie Periscoping him. He said he likes all of them over there but Mariann has to let it go. He said it's enough already. Howard said it's enough. He said he won't pick up on her if she keeps doing this. Mariann said Howard looked so good on the show. Howard said he can't win with her. He hung up on Mariann.
Howard said he coached everyone on America's Got Talent on what to wear. He said he told the girls to show it off because no one is there for their opinions. Howard said Mariann has to stop with the Simon Cowell stuff. Howard said he is happy for Howie, Mel, Heidi and Nick. He said they were all nice. Howard said Mariann sure knows how to bring the show to a halt. Robin said there is no reason to talk about America's Got Talent anymore.
Robin read a story about Cameron Diaz writing a book and she has a heartfelt dedication to her husband in the book. Howard said she should have come in there to talk about it. Robin said Cameron wrote about how she didn't know love until she met this man. Howard said that's the shit everyone goofs on when you split. Howard said it sounds like someone knows how to fuck her really well. He said that's some dedication. Howard said he got a note saying she was up there yesterday but she must be avoiding them.
Howard said people think that Benjy's scream is used in a Kanye West song. Howard said they think he sampled Benjy. Howard played a clip from one of Kanye's songs and there is a yell in it that sounds sort of like Benjy but Howard said he's sure it's not. Howard said he did use some of Richard's puking once. He played some parodies of Kanye songs where they used clips from the show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about David Arquette not being able to get into the VIP area at the Guns N' Roses concert. Robin said he was just hanging outside. Howard said he thought he was just there for an after party. Howard said he'd never want to be in that position. He said he always makes sure he has a ticket. Robin said a bunch of celebrities did get in. Robin said David didn't have a party later on. Robin said the whole thing was very confusing.
Robin asked if you're going to drink milk a study says that full fat diary products may give you a better chance of avoiding diabetes. Howard said just don't drink any milk.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever go to a personal appearance for a fee. Howard said probably not. The caller asked if he would do it for a million. Howard asked what he'd have to do. the caller said maybe do a meet and greet and talk to some people. Howard said he'd feel really weird doing that. The caller asked if he'd do it for someone respectable. Howard asked like who. The caller said Giuliani. Howard thought about it and said he'd do it for a million. Howard said Benjy will do it for $5. He said even if you just feed Benjy he'd do it. Howard said he might need to be drunk so he'd want an open bar.
Robin read about how the death of a loved one can literally break your heart. She said those who have lost a partner can develop an irregular heart beat. Howard said that's what he fears for his parents. Howard said they'll have to see what happens with them. Robin said those under the age of 60 are the most affected. Howard said he thinks that you're more relieved than anything when you get older. Robin said she thinks there isn't really true love. She said people are together out of convenience. Howard said he thinks Robin is going to have true love soon.
Howard took a call from Balls who said Cheap Trick was great. He asked if he could swap wives with someone who would it be with. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he doesn't want someone fucking his wife. Balls said maybe he can just fuck someone else's wife. Howard asked what the fuck is going on today. He said no one cares who he'd fuck. He said he's fucking Beth so she'd better get ready. Howard said that's who he fucks.
Howard played a Mark the Bagger message of hope for dolphins who have been molested by their trainer. Mark said you have to find another trainer.
Robin had some audio of Bernie Sanders talking about the upcoming primarily in New York. Howard played a fake Bernie clip that they made. He played the real clip after that. Howard said he sounds like he's almost dead. He said he sounds like he's got a foot and a half in the grave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard is a homophobe but would he suck a dick to save the worked from cancer. Howard said he isn't a homophobe. He said he has no problem with homosexuals. Howard asked how big the guy's cock is that he'd suck. The guy said 9 inches. Howard said if it's just dick and not balls... the caller said maybe some balls. He said he has to use two hands and make it sloppy. Howard asked how the load tastes. The guy said it's a big rope load. Howard said he has to lick the balls and take the load in his mouth. He doesn't have to do any asshole play. The caller said he has to spit it out in a cup. Howard said the answer is no, he's not doing it. Howard said we all have to die sometime. Howard said it's thick ropes. Howard said he's not going to do that. Robin asked if he would have done it for her. Howard said no. He told the caller to go back to the hole he lives in. Howard said George Takei pulled that on him and told him halfway through the blow that he didn't have a cure for cancer.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about how she supports Roe v Wade. She got cheers from the people she was speaking to. Howard said they better applaud.
Robin had some audio of Ted Cruz talking about his campaign. Howard said no one is happy about him either. Howard said he's all full of himself. Howard said he thinks the country is falling in love with him. Robin said Donald Trump didn't come out and make a concession speech but he did issue a statement. Robin said he's accusing Cruz and the republican party about them trying to keep him from getting the nomination.
Robin read about how Sarah Palin is campaigning for Donald Trump but it's having no result. Howard said that's like getting Wendy the Slow Adult to endorse you. He said you don't really care if you get that endorsement. Robin read more news about Trump and the others.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's hoping Robin takes a rest because she doesn't sound well. Howard said she doesn't know how to rest. He said her cold is lingering for her. Robin said getting up so early doesn't help. Howard asked when she went to bed last night. Robin said it's not a good day to ask that. She was up until 11:30 or 12. Howard said she can't settle down. Howard asked what she was doing until 12. Robin said she was working. Howard said this is her job. He said whatever else she's up to is a hobby. Howard said that's unless she was working with a dildo. Howard said that might knock a cold out of her. Howard told her to just go to bed. Robin said she's going to do that this weekend.
Robin read a story about Janet Jackson postponing her world tour again. Robin said she has put out a message about it. Robin had some audio of her talking about how she has to rest up on doctor's orders. Howard asked what is going on. He asked why she's being secretive. Robin said she's doing family planning too but she's not sure what that's about.
Robin read a story about American Idol coming to an end and had some audio of Paula Abdul talking about the show. Robin said they're bringing back Brian Dunkleman for the final season too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Gary asked Jon what it feels like to be so blind sided. Jon said it's like being in a ball park and getting punched by an opposing team fan.
Jon asked Gary if he worried about being made fun of. Gary said he used to get his hair cut too short in the back and Jackie was the worst. He said he'd draw pictures of monkeys and say he looks like an ape. He said Howard wouldn't even notice but then Jackie would point it out. Gary said one time he came into work and he had switched his deodorant and Howard noticed. He said he told him to switch it back. Gary said the ones that you don't see coming are the worst.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Sour Shoes does a Howard impression that he just doesn't do for Howard. Gary said they've asked him and he says he doesn't do one. He said he has a feeling he does have one for Robin and Howard. The caller said he can imagine him doing both in his room.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw Cheap Trick back in the 80s and it was really loud. He said he caught one of Rick's picks and he came out later in the show and zinged his picks out of a 5 gallon bucket. He said he thought he had gold but everyone got one after that. Gary said he has like 21 of them in his pocket now. Gary said when they came in this morning Rick had about 80 picks on the microphone stand. He said that's how he performs.
Jon asked Lee about his relationship with Rick. Lee talked about the pick thing and how that's part of what he does. He said that they work as a band. They spent a few more minutes talking about bands performing on Howard's show and other shows. Lee credited Howard with getting bands to play in studio like they do now. Gary agreed with him and said that they did a Grammy week show once and Howard had instruments there at their set up and had bands play a little bit. The next day every other station there started doing the same thing. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he thinks that Joey can last on the money he got. He said that his apartment has a bathroom in the apartment and it's not walled off. He said it's like a prison cell. Gary said it's a lot of money if he handles it correctly.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to go back to the Robin discussion. He asked Gary to admit he hates Robin. Gary said he loves Robin. He doesn't hate her. Gary said she busts his balls on the air and he does the same to her. The caller said he thinks that Gary doesn't let things roll off his back like he does with others. Gary said he gets on Robin like that because she piles on. He said it's all part of the make up of the show.
Jon said there are certain people you don't mind getting on you but then there are some that just piss you off. Gary said he loves Jason and when he does it he feels betrayed.
Jon brought up the anniversary of Blue Iris riding the Sybian. Gary said that didn't make it jump the shark for him. He said Buck Angel did it for him. Gary said Blue Iris has a great voice for radio. He said he loves hearing her say anything.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs. They were done around 12:05pm.
Jon said they also have singer Dylan Rau from the band Bear Hands. Jon asked him about what he'd do if he saw someone like Gary walking out of a concert. Dylan said he usually closes his eyes so he doesn't see that kind of thing.
Jon said they should start off with Ronnie Mund who reaffirmed himself as a sex expert. Jon asked if that surprises Steven that Ronnie was like that. Steven said he had a feeling he was like that. He said he's like Dr. Ruth and Allison Steel. He said he's a genius. Dylan said that he's in vogue with the eating ass thing too.
Jon said Ronnie is clearly ahead of his time because he seems to think Howard is a prude. Gary said Ronnie sounds like he's up for anything. He said he's not sure what that means but he doesn't say no to a lot of things. Gary said he used to be a married guy who was horny and then he got single. He said he didn't know it was holding him back as much as it was being married.
Rahsaan said he hopes he has that lust for sex at his age when he gets that age. Gary talked about Ronnie being the ambassador for Scores and Rick's and how he thinks he gets to get in the back and gets the best seat and the best girls. Gary said Lonnie from Rick's was great at telling girls that they are really important people. Gary said he's a great host. Gary said everyone there would be on the high end and everyone had accolades.
Steven asked if Ronnie is the same off the air that he is on the air. Gary said he thinks he plays it up a little bit but the core of it is there. He said Ronnie is a really nice guy but he used to get really angry at people. Jon said Ronnie isn't much different than what you hear on the air. He said Stephanie eggs him on too. He said he doesn't think Ronnie would be opposed to doing a lot of stuff.
Gary said they usually have a balance of people. He said he thinks that Ronnie and Richard have spouses that egg them on to get them to do more stuff. Jon said with Ronnie and Sal you have guys who think that everyone does the crazy stuff they do.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think all of the sex talk and ass eating has anything to do with Ronnie trying to ignore how old he's getting. Gary said that he's been talking that way since the day he met him. He said this is the guy he was from the start. Gary said Ronnie used to have friendships with the interns but they had to put a stop to that because he was busting balls too much. Jon said that you can't help but run into him in the hallway. He said he'll always let you know he's there.
Jon said Ronnie is the youngest whatever age he is. He said he lives the life of a 14 year old horny kid. He said he thinks he'll be that way until the day he dies.
Jon asked Steven if he thinks Ronnie will walk down the aisle. Steven said they'll see. He said it's not just good radio. He said everyone is aware of their mortality. He said he thinks it'll be a bloody honeymoon. Dylan said he wants to give him the best odds possible because he just got into a serious relationship for the first time too. Gary said he thinks Ronnie is into it. Jon said he does too. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves when there's ball busting on the show and especially when Robin gets on it. He said that he loved that Robin brought up Jon's hair cut. Gary said the thing with Robin is that you can't hit her back like she hits you because it makes it seem like you're the bully. He said it's just mean. Jon said the thing that gets him upset is that Howard starts it and Robin piles on. Gary said Robin is a sniper. Jon said Robin is one of the great ball busters in the world. He said other than the time she was backing off of that. Gary said that lasted about a week. He said she's made so many announcements. He said less than two weeks after the no more emasculating thing she was back to it.
Jon said he wants to talk about Jeff the Drunk who has someone coming to visit from Australia. Jon said everyone is skeptical of this. Steven said he thinks this points to a lot of self loathing on her part. Gary asked what he means by that. Steven said maybe that's the best she thinks she can do. He said he hears she's not bad looking. He said she's going to go to Jeff's trailer and make sweet love to Jeff and he's kind of skeptical of that. Jon said that these women aren't bad looking and they're just looking for love. Gary said he hopes Jeff doesn't take it for more than it is and doesn't fall in love. Gary said he thinks he should be able to get at least a handy. Jon said he thinks if she makes the trip she might.
Gary said they should play that segment where the porn star had sex with Jeff and ended up crying like she had done the most horrible thing in her life. He said she was balling her eyes out. Gary said if he was a girl he'd want to do Jeff long before doing High Pitch Erik.
Jon took a call from John in Maryland who said that he wants to talk about Robin and how she seems to be holding back on some of the things she's done sexually. He said sometimes she'll talk about what she's willing to do and he thinks she may have licked a little ass crack in her life. Jon said he doesn't see her holding back at this point. John said he thinks she's a lady and she's cool and she has no reason to reveal new things like that. He said she may not want to jump on that bandwagon. They spent a couple more minutes discussing that and then went to break.
Gary said Howard is so glad to be out of that world of terrestrial radio. Jon said they had to do so many things to make the show work and maintain the energy. Jon said it still goes on to this day. Gary said it was a big pain in the ass. He said if they were on in 50 markets they had a lot of owners of the stations. He said it was very difficult. He said Tom would come in and tell them he had to cut out the funniest parts of the bits they did. Gary said that would make Howard crazy. He said they were Howard's creations and they were ripping them apart. Gary said each market had their own person trying to put their own stamp on the show. He said the best way to handle it was to just put in a phone line and let the show play.
Steven said the show has been great forever but back in the day there was something heroic about the show. Steven said they had to overcome obstacles. He said that Howard was an FCC hero. He said it was incredible. Steven said things are incredible now but back then it was really special for everybody to hear. Steven said there's something about Twitter that brings out the best in people because of the 140 character limit. He said he sees that being similar to Howard on terrestrial radio. Gary said at some point when you've done it for a long time you want to go do things the way you want to do it.
Gary said his son is in college now and he took a communications law class and they read portions of the show in that class. Gary said they were fighting for free speech when they were doing that stuff back then.
Jon asked Gary if he misses going to war. Gary said the memory of it is better than missing it. Gary said he heard the clip from the FCC rally they did with Al Lewis. Gary said that day was funny as hell now but it really was one of the worst days when they did it. He said they didn't know how to get them on the air from a remote location with a 7 second delay. He said they all agreed to be good but it didn't dawn on them that Al Lewis was going to fuck with them. Gary said they just said a word 7 times like they were being defiant so it didn't look good.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up an ass eating thing that Gary did. Gary said that happened once and Howard asked him about it. He said he told Howard about it and he said he wasn't an expert at it. He said Howard got upset about that. The caller asked if he still cheats on Mary. Gary said he never did.
Jon wrapped up the show. He got in some plugs and wrapped up around 11:40am.
Jon said they have a lot to talk about today. He said he wants to start off with Jon Cryer. He said he's had a couple of lives in the entertainment world. He said he was out of work for a while and was called a show killer for a while until he got Two and a Half Men. Gary said he has all of that and then the story about being with Charlie Sheen when he had his meltdown. Gary said he could have written a book just about Charlie and he would have been interested.
Gary said Charlie dated Ginger Lynn years ago and he said that she was filet mignon and every other woman was hamburger. He said the other women he dated weren't too happy about that.
Jon said that Jon Cryer told a story about dating a girl that Charlie used to date. He didn't know right away though because the girl didn't tell him for months. They spent a minute talking about that.
Jon said Howard was surprised that Jon Cryer shaved his head. He said that's a hard decision to make because you're in Hollywood. Gary said he still had a lot of hair but Jon said it was growing in odd ways. Gary said you could see it growing in. Jon said that Steve is wearing a hat today but he wondered if he would shave his hair off. Steve said he thinks if he did it would grow back. He said he'd have no problem doing it. He said he thinks that Jon thought it looked good for his body so he did it and moved on with his life.
Jon said Scott Salem had a few sagas with his head. Gary said he wore a toupee a few times in the history of the show. Gary said he got it for free because he won't shell out for one. Gary said he thinks they glued snaps on to his head and the toupee snapped on to that. He said it was very itchy from what they heard.
Gary said what happened with Scott was that months went by and you get used to it. He said after a year and a half he came in and he had taken it off. He had to send it out to be styled and cleaned. He said Scott wasn't willing to pay that so he stopped wearing it. Jon said he didn't know that. He said thankfully he did get rid of it. He said he was mocked for a decade after it though.
Rahsaan said he was bald for about a year. He said it's all about confidence. He said if you are then it comes off to other people. Gary said the weird thing about the wig is that you've got to own it. He said Scott didn't. Gary said they worked with a guy who they loved and he clearly had a wig. He said they mentioned it one day and he got pissed. Gary said they had to walk around pretending it wasn't one even though it was obvious it was.
Jon said you're better off just shaving it. He said as time goes on things will look off kilter. He said it draws more attention than the hair you had. Steve said his head might look odd. Gary said Jason Alexander owned it with his hair. Gary said they know many celebrities who have that going on. Steve mentioned John Travolta. Gary said he was up there one day a few months ago and it looked like it was painted on. Gary said he couldn't believe he went out looking like that.
Steve asked if Sal should go down to nothing or keep going on the path he's on. Jon said Sal does more harm than good with what he does. Gary said he thinks what he's doing works for him. Jon said he thinks Sal looks like an idiot. Gary said he thinks his hair looks fuller and doesn't look fake. Jon said he thinks it does look fake. Jon said you're better off going the way it's going to go. He said just shave your head. Jon said it's obvious. Gary said Sal caught his baldness in stage 1 instead of stage 4. He said his wasn't so abrupt. He said if it wasn't ''us assholes'' he wonders if they'd be around the water cooler talking about it. Rahsaan said yes. They'd be talking about what an asshole he is.
Gary said when Sal gets nervous he gets scaly skin. He said he tells him he looks like a piece of luggage and it really upsets him. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon asked Steve about the candle thing. Steve said they call it fun there but this is not normal. He said that's not how you celebrate a co-worker's birthday. Jon asked if it's like soft, gay porn. Gary said he's seen their dicks so much. Gary said early on they had a big event going on there and Richard went out and streaked. Gary said their dicks aren't big enough to be happy doing this stuff. Jon said it's all about confidence. He said Richard obviously has confidence. Steve said their penises are like character actors and constantly changing and evolving. Gary said Sal and Richard are so uninhibited and he finds it so weird. Steve said comedians do that a lot. He said one friend will say his belly button itches and he'll lift his shirt and the head of his penis is sticking out the top of his pants.
Gary said Ron Jeremy was at a party they were at once and Sal thought Ron would be up for some fun and he stuck his dick out and tried to put it on Ron's head. Gary said Ron grabbed say by the throat and said if he did that again he'd kill him. Gary said it was one of those moments that Sal just didn't get why he got so mad.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been watching some of the old clips from the K-Rock days and Gary was in his tighty whities and it looked like he had stuffed his crotch with a sock or something. Gary said he didn't stuff it. He said he thinks that it was the Cindy Margolis spray down day and he was not packing. The caller kept asking about it so Jon wondered why he was studying it so much. The caller said it was a scientific analysis. He said if it's real Gary is packing. Gary said the size of his dick one way or the other is for him. He said he's actually very average sized. The caller asked why they know what Sal and Richard's look like but not Gary's. Gary said that's just not for him. The caller said it's a mission of his to find out. Jon said that's very clear. They spent a little more time on that and let the guy go.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary thinks Sal has put his dick on things in his office and just hasn't told him about it. Gary said he thinks there's about a 50 percent chance that it has happened. He said he chooses not to think about it though. Jon said he would make it much higher than 50 percent and he's wise not to think about it. He said it's probably more about 93 percent. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Steve if he reads reviews. Steve said he doesn't read any of that stuff. He said Dave Chappelle once said if you don't pick up the good stuff you don't have to look at the bad ones. He said he doesn't really do that. He said he can't really read so that helps.
Jon said Howard reads everything. Gary said if you do that then you read some really bad stuff. Gary said he's read a lot about himself. He said you can see some dark shit by doing that. Zach said message boards are the worst. He said it's all of the shitheads and trolls who are just looking for attention so they say the worst things.
Jon said many of the people who write that negative stuff have like 12 followers and they only say negative things to people. Gary said you'll see they have 12 followers and 29,000 tweets. Steve said they're just looking for someone to notice that they exist.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's trying to find out more about Jon Cryer. He asked if it's shaved smooth like with a razor. Gary said there was stubble there so he's not sure. Gary said Richard went through the same thing a few weeks ago. He didn't want to shave it because he said it was too much of a pain in the ass. Jon explained to Zach about what they were talking about earlier with Jon Cryer.
Jon said he wants to talk about Cheap Trick. Jon said Howard could not be more thrilled that they're in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Gary said he's psyched that they're in too. He said they're the nicest guys you can meet. He said they're the nicest guys. They spent a little time talking about that.
Jon asked Steve if he cares about the hall of fame. Steve said not necessarily. He said it seems arbitrary for anyone to get in. He said he's happy they got in though.
Jon asked Zach if he cares. Zach said he would agree that it's kind of arbitrary. He said with sports you can look at stats but with music or acting you don't really know. They spent a few more minutes talking about who they think should be in it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was shocked about the hall of fame thing. He said Howard has been trying to get them in for years. He said the people who run that thing should take Howard more seriously. Gary said he's not sure anyone was listening that close to Howard. He said if the Moody Blues get in then they should thank Howard for that too. He said that Howard is a big fan of theirs too.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show. They were done around 11:40am.