Howard started the show with Mariann from Brooklyn singing ''The Greatest American Nightmare'' song. Howard said he's obsessed with this Coachella thing. He said he has no idea what's going on with it. Howard said he's been reading about it in the papers. He took a sip from his coffee. He said he has a Keurig and he took 2 packets and mixed a Green Mountain and a Starbucks. He said that's good. He said Robin would love it. He told her to try it. Robin said she's not a fan of Starbucks. Howard said he knows what she means. Howard said that he was drinking the Joey Kramer coffee and it's not bitter like Starbucks.
Howard said he jerked off twice yesterday. He said he hasn't done that in a million years. He said he jerked off early in the day because Beth wasn't in the best mood. He said he got home and went on YouPorn to jerk off. He said it was weird because they give you little windows to see different films. Howard said there was Bree Olson right there on the screen. He said she was in there talking about being with Charlie Sheen not too long ago. He said he thought about how she wants to change her life and get out of that world. Howard said he thought about it but then said he wants to jerk off to her. Howard said he pulled her pants down and did it. Howard said you don't see the guy in the video. He said you just see his penis. He said this guy's penis is the biggest one he's seen. He said it was as wide as this Starbucks cup he's holding. Howard said it's longer than that too. He asked what it would be like to have a penis like that. He said it would be a game changer. Howard said the head of his mushroom cock was bigger than his entire penis flaccid. Robin said it seems like it would be a bother. Howard said no. He said it would never be in the way. Howard said he would be so anxious to show it to people.
Howard said someone told him High Pitch Erik had an appearance in Pittsburgh. He said people were telling him to show his penis and he'd pull down his pants and show it in seconds. Howard said it's like taking the Elephant Man on the road to show him off.
Howard said he tried watching this Bree Olson thing and he had to stop. He said the penis was too much and he didn't see enough of Bree. He said she is an attractive girl. Howard said in porn if there are two good looking girls together they're really hot. He said if you bring in a guy it drops off quickly.
Howard said Hillary Clinton is looking like she's running for office in India lately. He said she has weird Nehru outfits on. He said that she must have thought about how she was looking and just bought 100 of these jackets and pants to wear. Howard said it's a really bad look. Howard said he knows people will write in about how men get to wear that stuff. Howard said he knows. He said she looks like Kim Jong Un though. Howard said Bernie Sanders accent has been bothering him. Robin said she likes it.
Howard said they went out and interviewed some people at a Bernie Sanders rally. Howard said it's so great because they ask why they like Bernie and this one person is so rich that she said she just wants free stuff. Howard played the interview and the woman was talking about how everything should be free. She was saying that movies, internet and things like that should all be free. She didn't think dessert should be free though. Howard wondered why she stopped there. He said that should be free too.
Howard said Bernie Sanders said that people should not be able to sue the gun manufacturer if someone kills a person with their gun. Howard said he's taken it back now. Howard said it's right not to sue over that. Howard said you go after the person who pulled the trigger. Howard said everyone went after him over it and he had to take it back. Howard said you have the right to carry a weapon and companies have the right to make guns. Howard said you can't sue the sidewalk if you fall on it. Howard said you can sue the people who don't repair it fast enough. Howard said the whole thing is fucking crazy. Howard said he's all for the freedoms we have. He said that this is the second amendment. Howard said we have the right to own a gun. Howard said he likes the idea of free stuff too but it won't happen.
Howard played another interview from the Bernie Sanders rally. They asked a guy about what Bernie Sanders is beset known for as a senator. The guy gave a very vague answer. Howard said he wouldn't know anything about that either. Howard said that's like what they used to do with Stuttering John. Howard said you expect people to know stuff but no one does. Howard said even the interviewer doesn't know. Howard said we love not to know.
Howard said there's an attitude toward Hillary Clinton at this rally too. Howard play another interview where a guy said the reason he doesn't like Hillary is because she's a bitch. Howard said he has heard it from a lot of women that they don't like her because she can't even hold her own man. Howard said it's an idiotic thought. Howard asked when we started blaming women for that. Howard said most guys can't hold a woman. He said he can't hold one. Howard said he has a shitty personality and he looks like Big Bird. Howard said Bill has a wandering eye and it's not her fault. He said she does have a shrill voice though. Howard said they have a new app to help you listen to Hillary. Howard played a bit they created with an app that changes Hillary's voice to a sexy young woman's voice. Howard said also available soon will be a Mariann from Brooklyn voice app.
Howard took a call from a guy but got sidetracked when he brought up Coachella again. Howard said he's confused by the whole thing. He said he sees a lot of celebrities there. Howard said it seems like a thing now. He said he's not sure who plays there. Robin said it seems like there are a lot of stages there and you go to different shows. Howard said the celebrities are walking around regular people. Howard said it's like Woodstock. Howard said he thinks it's like a cool place to go and mingle with hot chicks. Howard said they act like they're regular people. Howard said that everyone is there. He said the only two celebrities who aren't there are him and Richard Simmons. Howard said he should have gone with Richard.
Howard said all of the hot models are at Coachella. Howard said the Alessandra Ambrosio is there and she's in the paper as showing off her look. Howard said Taylor Swift was there with a new look. He said she was showing that off. Howard said they must go to their publicists and figure all of that out.
The caller mentioned the Khaleesi (Emilia Clarke) so that got Howard on her. Howard said she showed up on the Ellen Degeneres show and she did some photo shoot for a magazine and she's naked but covered. Howard said she's talking about how she had to drink alcohol to get through the shoot. Howard said she shows up on Ellen and she looks like a fucking fidget dressed like a Victorian woman. Howard said you can only see her arms. He said there are women in Saudi Arabia who show more skin.
Howard played a clip from Ellen where Emilia was talking about this photo shoot she did. She was talking about how she needed alcohol to get through it. Howard said she walked around naked for a whole season of Game of thrones. Howard said she was on Conan talking about how they need more male nudity on Game of Thrones. Howard said she wants to change the story of the role she signed up to do. Howard said she agreed to play this character and now she wants to change it all. Howard said she should leave the show and write her own story. Robin said what's going on now is that she's not getting attention for not getting naked. She said everyone is interviewing her about it now. Howard said she dresses like she's living in Antarctica now. Howard said Trump should make this an issue.
The caller asked if Howard saw the Olivia Wilde nude scene on Vinyl. Howard said he doesn't watch the show so he didn't see that.
Howard played a clip of Emilia talking to Conan about wanting more male nudity on Game of Thrones. Emilia said that her mother told her to stop it with that kind of talk. Howard said she's the best. He said she had to drink to get nude. He said that she thinks it would be great to ruin the show for everyone. Howard said Ellen was dressed way more sexy than the Khaleesi. Howard said he beat off to Ellen instead of the Khaleesi. Howard asked how you like them apples.
Howard let the caller go. He said that guy said nothing. Howard said he doesn't know how he missed out on the Coachella thing. Robin said there's South by Southwest thing too. Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent they would put the judges in different locations in the country. Howard said that they put a stop to that with him. He said that they're still keeping it now. Howard said it saves them money and it makes sense to do that. Howard said in the first season they got him to go to Austin and he stayed in some shit hotel. He said out his window they had a full concert going. Howard said he just wanted to nap and he had a concert going on out there.
Howard said he called his mother the other day and he said he was going to come over for dinner. He said that she didn't want him to come over for long. Howard said he figured she wanted him to visit for a short time and leave. Howard said he's not sure why they had children. Howard said his father could never stand him being around. Howard said his mother doesn't want to go to dinner with him. He said they are happy with a 10 minute visit. Howard said that's what he's going to do tonight. Howard said in a normal family you come over and have dinner and they're thrilled. Howard said that's now how it goes in his family.
Howard said people ask why he feels bad about himself. He said his own parents don't even like him. Howard said they took clips of him speaking as his mother and called a life coach radio show. Howard played that and they told the life coach that their mother got into stand up comedy. Then they put the clips of Howard talking as his mother telling jokes. The life coach was laughing along with the dumb jokes Howard was telling as his mother. They played some clips of Howard telling some dirty jokes and they told ''her'' that it was a PG Show and they had to hang up on her. Howard went to break after that. As they went to break they played a Ronnie Mund on Inside the Actors Studio bit.
Howard said everyone is looking forward to the history of his one phony phone call. He said some day they'll have an anniversary for the day Benjy said he was going to do stand up. He still isn't doing it but they'll celebrate the day he announced he would.
Howard said Benjy used to do phony phone calls and then he just stopped after that one. He said it would be like writing Star Wars and then just stopping. Howard said ironically Benjy looks like he actually did eat his brother.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's out doing some campaigning for Bernie Sanders today. He asked Howard how he's doing twice so Howard hung up on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has gone to Coachella and it's just a big rip off of everyone else. Howard said Brandano said he went there two years in a row. Howard asked why so many celebrities go to it. The caller said it's the weather. He said L.A. has nice weather all the time and they get the show first in the year. Howard said it drives him nuts. Howard said if Brandano goes how cool could it be?
Howard asked if regular people can hang out with the celebrities or is there a VIP area. The caller said there is a VIP area. He said it's roped off.
Steve Brandano came in so Howard asked what he wore there and things like that. Howard said back in the day they would wear jeans and a t-shirt and say that they didn't want to wear a uniform like their parents but then they realized that they're wearing a uniform just like them.
Steve said that there is a VIP area out there but there are so many god looking people there that they can walk among the regular people without being noticed. Howard said it makes him angry to think about. He said he doesn't want to be included but it makes him angry. Steve said there is so much good looking going on out there.
Howard asked if women take their tops off. Steve said if they do they are probably painted. He said they're just about naked anyway though. He said it's like being at a party with models. He said they're all good looking but no one is going to hook up. Howard said it must be like Heidi Klum and her friends there. Steve said it is and none of them are talking to him.
Steve said he heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was there. He said the other problem is you can't tell who is 14 and who is 18. Howard said he can tell. He said Steve should learn how to tell.
Howard asked who is in charge of that whole thing. Steve said he's not sure. He said it's probably the same people who do festivals all over.
Howard asked what you do during the down time of the concerts. Steve said you can go between different stages. Steve said it is fun to go. Howard asked what's fun about it. Steve said Howard doesn't want to go to something like that. Howard asked who was there that he'd fuck. The caller said Scarlett Johansson. Howard said he'd fuck her. Robin said she's married. Howard said he doesn't care.
Gary said that there are women that go and they spend crazy amounts of money to get prepared to go. Gary said this woman in an article spent $20,000 to get ready for it. Howard goofed on that for a minute. Howard said you need short shorts. He said he saw some ass hair hanging out of Kendall Jenner's shorts.
Steve said they have a lot of great music there. He said Pharrell will perform and Snoop will show up. He said everyone is out there because it's so close to L.A.
Howard asked if the drug of choice out there is Molly. Steve said it is. Howard asked if he took it. Steve said no. Howard asked what it does to you. Steve said it makes lights brighter and it makes you want to dance. Howard asked if Steve wears a headdress. Steve said no. He said he'd have to get a John Varvatos outfit just for Coachella. Steve said he's sure he makes some. Howard said he would ride in on a horse as an American Indian. Howard said he'd have his taint exposed in his short shorts. The caller said he should bring Ronnie. Howard said he should. He said talk about a guy who would be out of place there. He said he'd clear that whole franchise out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he listens to any hip hop music. Howard said he doesn't listen but he keeps up on the trends. Howard said he likes Bankroll Fresh. Howard said he raps about selling drugs. Howard said then you have Amigos and Kodak Black. Robin asked what's going on here. Howard said he doesn't go around listening to this stuff but he keeps up on it. Howard named a few other hip hop guys he listens to. Howard said some of this stuff is hard core. Howard said that's it on hip hop. He said he can talk to that guy Chris about that stuff.
Robin wanted to know if Howard can name any of those artists if Fred plays something. Howard said he just knows some of the names. He said he knows a couple. He said he's keeping it real in Pompano Beach. Fred played a song from Kodak Black. Howard said he knows who it is.
Howard said he wants to mention that Kobe Bryant's last game was last week and people are picking on Flea about the way he played the National Anthem with his bass. Howard said he played it with his bass and people are giving him shit over it. Howard played a clip of Flea playing. Howard said he thinks it sounds cool. Fred said it must have been fun. Flea was messing around with the song. Howard said he likes it. He asked Fred if he does. Fred said he does. Howard said it's cool.
Howard said if he was at Coachella and he was single and Flea was playing that shit he'd be fucking J-Law in the bathrooms. Howard said that's what you do when you're single.
Robin said there was nothing wrong with that song. She said it was cool. Howard said a year from now it'll be the coolest thing ever.
Howard said the Coachella thing must have gotten big after one or two celebrities went. Howard said he has to analyze it fully to figure it out. He said he's on to something. He said he must be.
Howard said he can't go to the theater to watch a movie anymore. He said if someone sits behind him he thinks they're spreading their germs all over his neck. Howard said what he does is act crazy to keep people from sitting near him. He said he wore a hoodie to the theater and some kids and their mom wanted to sit there. Howard said he rocked back and forth and banged his head and made noises. He said he takes his hand and curls it to look like he's got a fucked up hand. Howard said he does that until people run. Howard said people are so racist toward handicapped people. He said he witnessed it first hand.
Robin said that Jungle Book made 103 million this weekend. Howard said he liked ''Sing Street.'' He said Harvey said he thought he'd like it and he was right. Howard said he was able to clear two rows around him with that handicapped thing.
Robin said she went to a theater not too long ago and there was a kid in the theater yelling. Robin said he was really loud. Howard said it was probably him. Robin said Howard has such a bad outlook on people.
Howard said he went to the theater with some friends. Howard said he had to go but the husband who got the tickets didn't want to go. Howard said he has to hold his pee for hours because he won't go to the bathroom in a public restaurant. Howard said they went to diner and saw a play called Dry Powder. Howard said Claire Danes and John Krasinski and Hank Azaria are in it. Howard said he was thinking about how fucked he was having to sit there. Howard said the play is good though. Howard said it's about hedge fund guys and it's good. Howard said he went to the play and within 10 minutes they had him. He said all three of them were really good. Howard said there was one guy behind him who had a big, wet cough. Howard said he was coughing right behind him. Howard said he did it like 5 times and he wanted to jump out a window.
Howard said he went back stage and met Claire and her friends. Howard said he talked to her a little bit about her plans for Homeland and things like that. Howard said he pretend he was part of show business too. Howard said he told her he's writing a fart song for Monday's show. He said he talked to John Krasinski. Howard said he knows him actually. Howard said Beth had to remind him to congratulate him on his new baby. Howard said he did that immediately. Howard said he saw Hank there and embraced him like he knew him. Howard said he's not sure if he's ever met him. Gary said he has a vague recollection that he has met him but he's never been on the show. Howard said you would have thought they were best friends. Howard said he was really good in the play and he told him that. Howard said he could never remember lines like they do. Howard said it's just impressive. Howard said the play was good and he's giving them a shout out. Howard said the movie Sing Street was really good too. Howard said there's two plugs. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he was reading about how some rich people go to Coachella and dress like they're poor. He said they slum it. Howard asked what the difference is between that and Bonaroo and the Burning Man thing. They talked about that for a short time.
Howard said some plane almost crashed into Dollywood. Howard asked if that could be any good. Robin said it's as good as any park.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk was in the city for the premier of a movie he's in. Howard asked Robin how old she thinks he is. Robin said he's like 40. Howard said he's 49. He said he wants to promote the movie but he doesn't want to get into a whole long thing with him. Howard said Jeff is in the movie B-Roll. Howard said Jeff claimed it was being shown at the Tribecca film Festival but it's at the Manhattan film festival. Howard said they say they moved it to 5pm to increase the chances that he'll show up.
Howard said Jeff has gotten a bill as high as $1100 for his cell phone. Howard said JD is going to be working The Lump puppet. He said it's like Sesame Street in there. Howard asked what moron told JD to do it. Howard said he's doing a horrible job with it. Howard said he thought Sal was going to work it. Sal said he has to do other things with The Lump back there. Howard said you can see JD's head next to the puppet. Howard told him to get down more. Howard asked if he's ever seen a show with a puppet. JD said he didn't ask to do it. Sal told JD how to hide so no one would see him.
Howard asked JD what hand the puppet is on. JD had it on his right hand and he's left handed. Howard said that you put it on your dominant hand. JD said it just fell apart. Howard said that's The Lump. Howard asked who made that shitty puppet. He said he's so sick of working with no budget.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he does security at Coachella. Howard said he'll get Jeff in there after that. Howard took the call and the guy said he was there in 2006 and they had people like Danny DeVito in the VIP area. Howard said that's before it was a big deal. Howard said now Danny wouldn't even be able to get in. The caller said the guy who played Bud Bundy wasn't able to get in. Howard said that sucks. He said he'd love to work security and be able to kick people like that out. The caller said it wasn't a lot of fun. Howard said all of these celebrities go to this thing. Howard said guys dress like pirates. Robin asked about what he read about Leonardo DiCaprio going and making out with Rihanna. Howard said he thinks he showed up with 3 hot chicks and then started making out with her or something like that.
Howard had the guys bring in Jeff the Drunk. He was taking too long. Howard said it's over and they don't have time for him. Howard said it takes him so long to get in there. Jeff said that it's not his fault. He said he was standing outside the door and he tells him he's done. Jeff was going to walk out but Howard knew he wasn't going to leave. Howard said he just wants to try this lump thing. The Lump got on microphone and asked if Howard was there. He said now he's attached to JD and it's worse than Jeff. Robin said JD is the worst at working the puppet. Howard said he has to put it up on the web.
Howard said they have a trap door for Jeff to fall through there. The Lump said that Jeff gives him nothing. He said he's just staring back at him with a dead eye.
Howard said Jeff is there and he's in a movie so they could get it mentioned on the radio. Howard said Jeff is in one scene and he can play the clip. Howard said they have Jeff's microphone all the way up and they can barely hear him. Jeff said the movie is called B-Roll. Howard said he defies you to understand what he's saying in this scene. Howard played the clip and Jeff was playing a homeless guy. He tells a reporter about what happened to his home. Jeff says now he just gets drunk and prays for the sweet release of death.
Howard said they say that they moved the screening time for his movie up to 3 so he could go. Jeff said he figured Howard could go. The Lump said Howard isn't going to that. Howard said The Lump won't even go. The Lump said he'll be with JD counting spoons.
Howard asked Jeff if he has anything else to say. Jeff said you can buy a ticket... they cut him off with a ''Boring'' clip. Jeff said you can get tickets at BRollMovie.com.
Howard said he also has notes saying that Jeff is afraid of this woman from Australia who wants to move in with him. Jeff said he hasn't even seen her and she wants to move in. Howard said he should just take it. Howard said Jeff also doesn't like Tan Mom. Jeff said he thinks Natalie Maines is on to something. He said Tan Mom does not belong in the Wack Pack. He said she got her fame before Howard. Howard snored. They played clips over him and The Lump was talking over him too. Jeff said Tan Mom is just famous for tanning her daughter or something.
Howard said Jeff likes Donald Trump but he refuses to vote. Gary said that the cops visited Jeff in his trailer this weekend. Gary said he was smoking pot on Periscope and the cops went and took his drugs. Jeff said they took his weed and bowls. Howard asked if they can really do that. Howard asked if they were really police. Howard said that makes no sense. Jeff said they took all of that and then his phone rang. He said the cop told him to answer the phone ''Chello.'' Howard said he can't follow that story. Jeff said the cop heard the phone ring and he said to answer it ''Chello.'' Howard said they took the weed and left. Jeff said they did. Howard said they didn't take Jeff though. Jeff said they took his pot and some other things. He said his bong was cleaned just the day before so they didn't take that.
Howard said that story doesn't sound right. He said cops don't come and take your pot and leave. Howard said this is the strangest story. Jeff said it was sheriffs. He said they also said to say hi. Howard said JD is working the puppet but The Lump isn't saying anything. Howard said that this might sound boring but with JD working the puppet it's not. He said The Lump looks like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
Howard said in all fairness to Jeff he's in town for his movie ''B-Roll'' and you can see a clip on HowardStern.com. Howard thanked The Lump for coming in too. Jeff asked if he can sing a song. Howard said absolutely not. The Lump said nothing good comes from when Jeff says ''Hey Howard.'' Howard said maybe he can sing out in the hall. Howard asked Jeff what he wants to sing. Jeff said he wants to sing ''Going Down Hill.'' The Lump told him to just go. Jeff didn't do it. Howard told him to do it. Jeff said he can't do it without music. Howard said he has no music. Jeff told them to just pull it up on YouTube. Howard said he's done. He wished him luck with the movie and let him go. Howard asked what he's wearing to the movie. Jeff said he's got some nice stuff to wear. Howard thanked him and The Lump again and let them go. Howard said he can't believe he's 49 years old. He said that was such a boring segment. Howard said he can't wait to turn that into a TV show.
Howard asked JD how he ended up at the Met museum this weekend. JD said he had some free time so he went out. JD said he just walked around on the first floor. He said he wants to do a thing where it's all day and you have headphones on and all of that. He said he would stop and look at the statues and things. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard said he heard JD hired someone to clean his apartment. JD said she only comes once a month. JD said he tries to straighten up a little bit before she comes. JD said that it's like an Uber thing for cleaning. He said his girlfriend signed him up for it.
Howard said he has to get to Anderson Cooper. He said he wrote a book. Howard said he has JD's Maid on the phone. The Maid (The Lump doing another voice) told Howard some jokes about how filthy his apartment is. She said she found socks stuck to the wall and things like that. She said he cums everywhere in his apartment. She said she threw away all of his spoons. Howard asked what the best spoon was. JD said he had a cool one from Universal Studios. Howard asked if he hide valuables from the maid. JD said that the most valuables are his Playstation 4 and things like that so they're big items. Howard let The Maid go and went to break after that. As they went to break they played a Baba Booey song parody.
Howard came back and said that Anderson Cooper is there and he wrote a book (''The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son On Life, Love, and Loss'') with his mother. Howard said he's able to do that because his mother is so interesting. Howard asked how he's doing. Anderson said he's good. He said his book is number 1 on the NY Times bestseller list. Howard asked why he worries so much about things. Howard said he worries about subscriptions and ratings and all of that. Howard said the pressure is unbelievable. Howard asked if Anderson is like 'Whew'' now that he's at number 1. Anderson said he's wondering what he's going to do next week.
Howard said Anderson's mother is Gloria Vanderbilt and she's like 90 but looks 70. Howard said Anderson says that he doesn't believe there should be any secrets between them. Anderson said that he just thinks nothing should go unsaid. He said he didn't want to wonder who this person was when she goes. He said on her 91st birthday they started a new conversation. He said there is no embarrassment. Howard said that he's shocked that she has email at 90. Anderson said that he got a friend of his to help her understand it. Howard said at least she was open to it. Anderson said it changed her life. Howard said he loves that she's open to that.
Howard said that Anderson's mother dated Errol Flynn. Howard asked if she got into detail about that. Anderson said that she wrote about how Howard Hughes was the first one to get her off. He said that's too open. Anderson s said that he wasn't the crazy Howard Hughes he turned into back then. Howard said he had some OCD problems himself. He said that he thinks Hillary Clinton might because of the suits she's wearing all the time now.
Howard said it has to be crazy when his mother dates Frank Sinatra at 28. Anderson said it was normal to her. He said that he wanted to go out with her and she left her husband to go out with him. He said that she was with a guy who was 63 when she was just 21. He said she was 21 and wealthy and married a 63 year old. He said she didn't do it for his money, she did it for love.
Anderson said there was a guy who did cunnilingus when she was 85 and she said he was the Najinski of cunnilingus. Howard said it's great that he knows his mother like that. Anderson said they get to see things from different perspectives. Robin asked if he's open to her too. Anderson said he isn't that open. He doesn't talk about his sex life with her.
Howard said that he tried to do this with his parents. He said they got aggravated and gave up after 2 hours. Anderson said he hopes that this encourages people do it before it's too late. Howard said he did a documentary wit his mother too. Howard said they went to the grave of his dad and his brother who committed suicide. Howard asked if they thought about not doing it because they don't need to. Anderson said it was an HBO documentary and it was his mother's idea to go. He said he doesn't really go to cemeteries. He said it doesn't do anything for him. He said they're not there. He said that it was important for his mom though so he went. He said that if he was shooting that documentary he would have wanted people to do that too.
Howard asked Anderson if the reporters at CNN are jealous that he gets the gig doing the debate thing. Anderson said he doesn't think so. He said they all get to interview the candidates for various things. Howard asked if he's up to date on everything with them. Anderson said he does read the paper every day. Howard said he has to because he has to be up on his stuff. Anderson said Howard is one of the best interviewers out there and he knows he has to read up. Anderson said he likes to be up on things for the past 6 weeks. He said you kind of know what they're going to talk about that way.
Howard asked how he does the research. Anderson said he has people pull material and they sit around talking about questions. He said the debates are like a knife fight. He said you have to think about what you're going to ask and what the other candidates are going to want to say.
Howard asked if he's interviewing Ted Cruz does he think about separating himself from all of the stuff going on. Anderson said he doesn't take sides. He said his job is to figure out where this person is coming from and present them with facts.
Howard said the rap against Trump is that he doesn't know the issues. He asked if that's how he felt. Anderson said it does feel like he's not reading briefing papers and getting into all of this stuff. He said he's more of a big picture guy.
Howard asked Anderson about the fight between Megyn Kelly and Trump and if he looks down on that. Anderson said he lies Megyn and he doesn't look down on that.
Howard asked if he gets a good feeling from Ted Cruz and if he'd want to hang out with him. Anderson said he doesn't thin that way about any of the candidates. He said that's not his job and he doesn't want to be swayed by any of them.
Howard asked what his schedule is. Anderson said he's working for CNN and 60 Minutes too. He said he has a big piece he's working on now. He said he can't talk about it. He said they did a big one on Lumber Liquidators earlier this year and their stock went down like 60 percent because of it. Anderson told Howard about how they come up with stories for 60 Minutes. He said sometimes they'll come to him with story ideas.
Howard asked Anderson about going on stage and dancing with Madonna. Anderson said he and Kelly Ripa went together. He said Kelly is a big fan. He said he was asked to go on stage and dance and he did it. Howard asked if he thinks that maybe a reporter shouldn't do it. Anderson said he's just having a life and he's not doing anything wrong. Anderson said he's not a good dancer either. Howard asked if he was shocked that Geraldo showed up on Dancing with the Stars. Anderson said he got a note from his mother years ago telling him that she was going to go on Dancing with the Stars. He said he wrote her back and tried to tell her not to do it. He said she told him that it would be fine and a few days later she told him that she was just fucking with him. He said this is why he has grey hair.
Anderson said that he eats the same thing every day and he used to go to Boston Market and have the same meal for lunch and breakfast. Howard said he odes that too but he has yogurt and oatmeal. Anderson said he does that too. He said there is a store that sells just oatmeal with different things in it. He said he'll go through phases. Howard said he used to have a scrambled egg wrap. He said he would have peanut butter and bagel. Anderson said he just rediscovered scrambled eggs again. He said he loves it.
Howard said one of life's great pleasures is eating. Anderson said not for him. He said he just wants to get full and go. He said he doesn't like hanging out with people. He said he weans to go home and binge watch a TV show. He said he's obsessed with Billions. Howard said he's into Peaky Blinders too. Anderson said he loves that one too. Howard asked when he has time to watch. Anderson said he'll stay up from 11 till 2 watching stuff. Howard asked when he goes to the gym. Anderson said he does it around 10 or 11 and then he goes to work.
Howard said Anderson is there to promote this book ''The Rainbow Comes and Goes: A Mother and Son On Life, Love, and Loss''. Anderson said he loves following a puppet. He said it's kind of like Spinal Tap. Howard said JD was so bad at the puppet thing.
Howard said that this book is really good. He said Anderson's mother married a 63 year old guy when she was just 20. Howard said they split 12 years later. Howard said one of the sons has never spoken to Anderson. Anderson said that guy is back in touch with his mother actually. He said he's not sure what happened there but it's very painful for her to discuss. Howard asked how she lost her child. Anderson said the guy stopped talking to his mom and his brother. Howard said that there are things he can't talk to his mother about then. Anderson said he didn't know this guy and it doesn't bother him that much. He said this is a half brother and if he doesn't want to be involved that's fine. He said he's been taking care of his mom for a long time. He said he didn't show up when his dad died or when his brother died and that's the time he should have. He said that things seem to be okay between the guy and his mother. He said he doesn't have any contact with him though. Howard asked if he would show up just to get in the will. He said he'd be suckling his mother's breast to get that. Anderson said he doesn't think that's going to happen. Anderson said he knows what's in the will. Howard said he'd like to do a 60 Minutes piece on that. He said that would be the move to get back in with the mom.
Howard said Anderson has to be getting something from his mother. Anderson said he's not getting anything. Howard said he has to take the money and give it to him or someone else. Howard said to give it to him would be very noble. Howard said some of that money must be going to charity. Anderson said that he is a co-executor of the will so he knows what's going on there. He said he thinks he knows what's in it. Howard said he was modeling when he was like 9 or 10 years old.
Howard asked if he thought it was weird that his mother let him get into modeling at that age. Anderson said it wasn't that crazy. Howard said his mother should have known what he'd be exposed to. Anderson said he was offered sex at 14 and he turned it down. He said it freaked him out. He said that he thought he might have sensed he was gay. He said he was aware of it himself but he was still closeted. He said he came out to friends in high school and he came out to his mom at 21. He said his mother was taken away from her mother his grandmother was being accused of being a lesbian. Howard said his mother had a lesbian affair when she was a teen. Anderson said that story really surprised him. Howard said his mother is so sexual. Howard said it's shocking that she's so sexual. Howard said he would do a 7 hour interview about her having cunnilingus at 85. Howard said that's fascinating to him. Howard asked Anderson if that's revolting to him. Anderson said he rolled his eyes. He said his mother just laughed.
Howard said that if his mother told him she had cunnilingus at 87 he would be gay too. Howard said Anderson's mother went out with Sidney Lumet. Anderson said she married him actually. He said she almost remarried him when his father died. He said he wanted her to marry him because he thought he was a great guy.
Anderson told Howard that he got to ride in a car with Michael Jackson when he was a kid. He said he didn't know much about Michael and they went to Studio 54. He said he saw him dancing there and told someone that he should pursue that. He said he was always very concerned about how people made money.
Howard asked Anderson about his dad dying of heart disease. He asked if he's obsessed with it. Anderson said that he's thinking he has about 2 years to live because his dad died at 50 and he's only 2 years away. He said he has bad genetics. He said that he's always worried about that stuff and he's taking all kinds of things for it. Anderson said he was taking mega doses of Niacin years ago and now they say it's bad for you.
Howard asked if he remembers his dad going into the hospital. Anderson said he does. He said they were allowed in just one time. He said it totally freaked him out seeing him in there. He said he died shortly after that. Howard said his mother must have really loved him because she never did remarry him.
Howard asked Anderson about why he switched to hosting The Mole. Anderson said he was exhausted from his other job and he was asked to do it. He said this was before 9/11 and he wasn't really doing anything that big with the reporting. He said he had fun doing the show too. Anderson said the show was fun and he did it for 2 seasons. He said that they went around Europe filming it. He said the show was kind of confusing though. Anderson said that he got the call from CNN on 9/12 and he's been there ever since.
Howard and Anderson talked about Andy Cohen. Howard asked if they still go out on tour. Anderson said they do. Howard said he doesn't understand the tour. He asked how many people see them. Anderson said they have 3000 seat theaters. He said that they have another show coming up in June. He said they rent out the theater and they get people to show up. Howard asked about what they do in the show. Anderson told Howard how they do things and how they come up with stories to tell. Howard asked how much prep goes into the show. Anderson said it's not much. Howard said it sounds like a train wreck to him.
Howard asked if Anderson actually hangs out with Andy. Anderson said he does. He said it's Andy, Kelly and Mark. Howard said it's his husband too. Anderson said that's right.
Howard gave Anderson some more plugs for his book and asked if his mom is excited about it. Anderson said she is. He said she's had a book in the top 10 before but this is her first number 1.
Howard gave Anderson some other plugs and said if you want to be in a future book go marry Anderson's mom. Howard said you can see Anderson on CNN, 60 Minutes and talking it up with Andy Cohen.
Howard asked Anderson what his dream job is. Anderson said CNN is tiring. Howard asked if he's their biggest star. Anderson said he thinks it might be Wolf Blitzer. Howard said he's smiling like he thinks he's the biggest one. Anderson said Wolf is like the hardest working guy in the business.
Howard asked Anderson if he watches FOX News and if he's shocked by the way women look on that network. Anderson said he watches FOX News and he has noticed.
Howard asked Anderson about how he got the job on 60 Minutes. Anderson said he was asked to do it. He said they came to him and asked him to do a piece. He said he did one and it seemed to go okay.
Howard said Anderson was attacked by a mob in Egypt. Howard asked if he had to fight. Anderson said he had to push back a bit. He said his security guy told him he just had to put his head down and get out of there. He said they had to get through a mob that was several blocks long. He said there is no reasoning with a mob either.
Howard said he thinks he was attacked in Haiti too. Anderson said he was moving a kid there. He said the kid was like 11 or so and he was just moving him to safety. Howard said he would never go to a place like that. Howard said he can barely go out to a play. Howard said he should retire. Howard said he should too.
Howard asked where he goes on vacation. Anderson said he and Andy go to Brazil. He said that they met after being set up actually. He said Andy was over the top and he asked about his mother in the first 2 minutes of meeting. He said there is no sexual attraction there at all. He said it never even crossed his mind. Howard said Andy was more into him than he was. Anderson said he thinks that he was more into his mother than he was into him.
Howard asked if Anderson has ever been with a woman. Anderson said he kissed a girl in high school. He said he lost his virginity at 18. Howard said that's the book he wants to read. Howard said there's so much to talk about.
Howard wrapped up with Anderson and gave him some more plugs. He talked more about the Madonna thing. Anderson said she gave him a banana. He said he doesn't know why. He said she spanked him, gave him a banana and he ate it on stage. He said he was mortified. Howard said he may have had sex with Madonna. He said he may not even know. Howard said he's on a roll with everything. Howard asked him to say hello to his mother. Anderson said he will. Howard said she's a remarkable woman.
Howard asked if Anderson is going to reveal who he will vote for. Anderson said that he thinks reporters should not vote. Howard said that's insane. He said he should vote. Anderson said it's a thing with reporters. Anderson said that he thinks we have to push against it. Anderson said it's not his role to vote. He said he thinks it's something he shouldn't do.
Anderson asked who Howard is for. Howard said he likes Hillary. He said he's talked about it even before Trump got into it. Howard said he's known Trump for years and he doesn't even think he wants to be President. Howard said he thought he would be in it for a few months and then get out and sell some books or something. Howard went to break a short time later. They played 5 Seconds of Summer performing ''Hey Everybody'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said the rub in this election is that they're friends with Trump and they'd get a lot more out of that. Howard said that he's pushed for Hillary for so long though. He said he's going to do what Anderson does and not vote. He said he actually doesn't believe in that.
Howard took a call from a guy named Balls. Balls said the interview with Anderson was great. He said he can't imagine those stories about her pussy getting eaten won't sell books. Robin said they are selling books. It's number 1 on the bestseller list.
Balls asked if he has ever refused to meet someone because of something they've done. Howard said he wanted to meet J-Lo but she was so cunty that it turned him off. Howard said Gwen Stefani was like that too. He said she was so unfriendly. He said he got a bad vibe from her. He said he's in her ex-husband's camp. He said he also likes Marc Anthony. He said he's cool. Howard said J-Lo now says that she knew almost right away she shouldn't be with Marc. Howard said that's bullshit. She stayed with him for a couple of years so they could have kids.
Howard said he likes some of Gwen Stefani's songs though. He said she has one about how she cant believe she was in love with the guy. Howard said it's a good song. Howard said Gavin could have hit her up for money but he didn't do that. Howard said based on her attitude he gets why Gavin slept with the babysitter. Howard said he never said anything bad about her but he saw her at Letterman or something. Howard said Christina Aguilera was kind of cunty to him too. He said he tried to set up David Spade with her and she was kind of cunty.
Howard said Gavin was cool to him at a wedding or something and Gwen didn't come over to meet him. He said he saw her somewhere and she acted like he smelled bad.
Howard said J-Lo acted like he had just farted and let out a smell. Howard said it was cool to meet Marc and he had complimented him on something he did on American Idol. Howard said he's so glad he doesn't have to go to Coachella and kiss someone's ass. Howard said these people have no idea what he's done.
Balls asked Howard to get Shuli in there to talk about his appearance out in Pittsburgh. Howard said he'll do that tomorrow. He said he heard some stories. He said they didn't have time to get to that today.
Robin read a story about a worker at the Palm Beach Zoo being mauled to death by a tiger. Howard said the tiger didn't know she was known as a tiger whisperer. Howard said you're always food to a tiger. Howard said you're not their friend. Robin said they haven't said anything about the tiger or what was done to it. Howard said he's a tiger avoider. Robin asked if this tiger should be put to death. Howard said absolutely not. Howard asked what the woman did. Robin said she's responsible for helping to breed these animals. Robin said this tiger had never done this before. Howard said not until it does. He said it did it because it's a tiger. Robin said the tiger was being prepared for a show called Tiger Talk at the time. Howard said they're so cute until they eat you. Howard said that job is not a good idea. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a student who was booted off a flight for speaking Arabic. Robin said he was on line to get on the plane speaking to his uncle about a dinner they went to and a woman heard this and complained. Robin said she thinks she heard something that was Jihadi in nature. Howard asked if you can blame her. Howard said try to speak English. Howard said try to be sensitive because we're a bit jumpy. Howard asked if you can blame us. Howard said it's better you report this stuff and be safe. He said it's better than staying quiet and having something happen on the flight. Howard said people are jumpy.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she loved Gloria Vanderbilt. She said she watched the movie and it's great. She said the book is fabulous too. Howard said she sounds like an Anderson Cooper groupie. Mariann said that she's a Howard groupie. Howard thanked her for the call and hung up on her.
Howard asked if Robin heard the tape of these scammers calling and saying they kidnapped someone's son. Howard said this guy plays along even though he has no son. Howard said these guys must call a bunch of people trying to get money. Howard said Robin was scrammed. Robin said she was told they lost their wallet in some country. Robin said she got her money back. She said she called the wire company and got her money back.
Howard said this is a great tape. Howard played the clip and the guy is playing along with the guy who says he has his son. The guy says he has money and he's walking to his car. He said he has $422 in his pocket. The kidnapper tells him to bring anything he has with him. Howard said then the guy tells the kidnapper he doesn't even have a son. He played that part and the guy tells him he has the kidnapper's son. The kidnapper tells him not to waste his time telling him all of that crap. Howard said that's his favorite clip of the week.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius being sentenced in June for the death of his wife. Robin said he shot her in a bathroom at his home and claimed it was an accident. Robin said he was originally convicted of a lesser crime and now he's been found guilty of murder so he'll get a harsher sentence.
Howard read an email about Gary coming on the intercom from his office. Howard said the person wondered why it sounds so bad. Howard said he could clear it up but he thought it was funnier for it to sound like that. Howard said this guy is complaining about it. Gary said when they came there it was very clear and Howard hated it. Howard said Gary knows how to clear it up. Gary said he doesn't actually. Howard said he thinks he can clear it up. Howard said it has a little edge to it so it sounds like he's in another room. He said they want it that way. Howard said he knows what he's doing with this show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about oil prices creeping up but they should be falling again. Robin said that they didn't put a cap on production so prices should be falling again. Howard said it's so weird. He said he doesn't understand all of that. Howard said they say prices are high because the economy is bad but then they drop and they say that our economy is bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's going to vote for Trump because he's not going to steal from us with taxes and stuff. The caller said Howard likes Hillary though. Howard said he likes Trump too. Howard said he's gone into it in depth. Howard said trump is 10 times better for them as far as the show goes. Howard said he can masturbate to Trump's wife too. Howard asked what other first lady you could masturbate to.
The caller said that Hillary will steal from us. Robin asked how he knows Trump won't do that if it's so easy. The caller said Trump said he won't raise taxes. Howard said that you have to get off of this thing about political parties having rules. He said if you start a party you can make up any rules you want for how to pick a nominee. If you don't like it then move on and start your own party.
Howard asked the caller, Ronell, where that name came from. Ronell said that it comes from a basketball player. Howard said he's gay too, right? Ronell said he's not gay. Howard said he can tell. Howard asked if he's ever sucked any dick. Ronell said no. Howard said he had to go after that. He said if he was gay he would have spent more time with him.
Robin read about how a bunch of shows are being canceled in north Carolina over this bill they have down there called the bathroom bill. Robin had some audio of the governor talking about the bill and why it's so complex. Howard said it's not complex. He said it's very simple actually. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard apologizing for smuggling their dogs into Australia last year. Robin said they could have been punished with a 10 year jail sentence or the dogs could have been put down but Amber pleaded guilty and neither of those things will happen. Howard asked who Amber is. Robin said she's an actress and she's married to Johnny Depp. Howard said he has to Google Amber Heard. Robin had some audio of Johnny and Amber reading a strange statement about why Australia has rules for these things. Robin said they made this for the Australian people. Robin said she's not sure it's part of the sentence. She said that's right up there with Sal's apology.
Howard said he has to see what Amber Heard looks like. Howard said he has to get his phone. He asked Siri to remind him to beat off to her at 4pm. Siri said she'll remind him. Howard said he just knows Beth will hear the phone go off at 4. Howard asked Siri to show him pictures of Amber Heard. Siri said he has to unlock the phone first. Howard did that and saw pictures of her. He said there's nothing wrong with her. He said he'd sneak those dogs in too. Howard said that Siri is cool. He said you can tell it to remind you to beat off and it works.
Howard asked Siri if a flat chested woman can be a 10. Siri said she didn't find anything. Howard asked Siri why the Khaleesi refuses to get nude. Siri didn't find anything for that either. Howard said he got a note saying that Amber was a lesbian before she met Johnny Depp. Robin said she might be bisexual. Howard said Johnny Depp is as pretty as a woman. Howard said he has an odd accent in that clip. He replayed it to hear it again. He said Johnny grew up in Kentucky. Howard said he's never met a lesbian who decided to be into guys after meeting him. He said that's the charmed life of Johnny Depp. Howard said that's a big thing for a lesbian to do. Howard said he has had the opposite happen to him. He said he's turned women into lesbians.
Robin read that a drone may have flown in front of a British Airways flight as it was landing in London. Robin said this is the first case of a drone hitting a plane. Robin said that some idiot got on the flight path and released a drone. Howard said he's anti-drone. Robin said that Howard was all for Amazon delivering things by drone. Howard said that's different. He said he would love for it to be delivered to his window. Howard said that kind of appeals to him.
Robin read a story about these galas that they have in the city that many celebrities are invited to. Robin said the thing that bothers her is that Howard has been so supportive of the LGBT community and he gets no notice. Howard said that's not true. He said he's been offered awards but he doesn't go to anything. Robin said they were honoring Mary Louise Parker at some event. Howard said he has done a lot more for the LGBT community than Mary Louise Parker has. He said he's the only one who should be getting an award.
Robin read a story about Pennsylvania legalizing marijuana. Robin said they're the 24th state to do this.
Robin read about the Zika virus and how we're going to see outbreaks here in the United States. Fred played some audio of Gary the Conqueror and Beetlejuice while they were talking about that. They also played a Zika virus message from Beetlejuice. Howard said he's going to invest in the tiny hat business because of this Zika virus. He said more people are going to be born like Beetlejuice because of it.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders' wife Jane is speaking out about something. Robin had some Bernie Sanders news too. Robin read about how they're making it seem like tens of thousands of people are coming out to see him. Robin had some audio of him talking about tomorrow's primary in New York. Robin had some clips of Trump and Ted Cruz for Howard to play too.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Fallon having a bunch of kids doing Trump impressions. Robin had some audio of the kids doing their impressions. Howard said maybe they should do something like that.
Robin said it was announced that Axl Rose will be joining AC/DC as their front man for the remainder of their tour. Howard said that he loves both bands but that is an odd pairing. Howard said Harrison Ford auditioned too. He had a clip of fake Harrison ford auditioning. Howard had some audio of Yoko Ono's audition too.
Robin said that Prince was rushed to a hospital last week. Robin said that he was taken to the hospital but he's been released and he's doing okay. Robin said it may have been the flu that got to him. Robin wrapped up and ended her news. Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Rahsaan said he went to Coachella a few years ago. He said he enjoyed it and it was cool. He said he'd only do it once though. Rahsaan said there are bands that perform there that don't perform anywhere else. He said N.W.A. just did the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's been going to Bonaroo for years and you get to see so much at these things. Jon asked if the caller has done Burning Man. The caller said he hasn't. Gary said he heard it's like a whole lifestyle. He said you have to carry your own shit out of the place and things like that. They spent a couple more minutes talking about the festival thing and what you can catch there. The caller mentioned that Bruce Springsteen played with Phish at a festival once. Gary didn't seem to care about that since that's not his thing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon and Gary also talked about Anderson not taking his mother's money when she dies. Gary said he understands Howard's obsession with the will too. He said it's a lot of money. Gary said Anderson has said he has seen the will and he knows what's coming.
Jon said when you read about what your mom is writing about you may not want to know some of that stuff. Jon asked what he thinks about him not voting. Gary said if you don't vote you don't get to complain. He said you have to cast a vote if you want to bitch and complain about things.
Jon said he was surprised when he found out he doesn't vote. Jon said some there don't. Gary said he thinks Sal wants to vote but if the line is long he'll just leave. Gary asked if JD votes. Jon said that's a good question. Gary said he thinks it's an amazing thing to be able to vote. Jon said it's instilled in him because there are a lot of countries where you don't have the right. He said you have to exercise that right to vote. Gary said it's his youngest son's first year to be able to vote. Jon said he's trying to think of people there who may or may not vote. They went through a bunch of people and Gary said Robin may surprise you and not vote. He said she may not be registered. Jon said he thinks she votes.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Anderson cooper once said he knew he wasn't going to get that fortune. She said she thinks it was his mother's decision. She said he knew he was going to have to work for everything he got. They spent a few minutes talking about Anderson and his mom before they went to break.
Jon said that JD had a hard time with the puppet today. He said later in the show they heard a revelation that JD went to a museum. He brought in someone to clean his apartment and that's why he went. Jon played a clip of The Lump goofing on JD about that.
Jon asked if this is JD changing his life. Gary said he thinks when you share your life with someone you have to do certain things and this is part of that. He has a girlfriend now and he has a cleaning person. Jon said he thinks this will be a one and done kind of thing. He said he's never done it before as far as he knows. He said he can't see JD getting a regular cleaning lady. Gary said he imagines it being a once a month thing. Gary said he thinks that he has to put some effort into it. Rahsaan said maybe it's the girlfriend forcing him to do things like that.
Jon said he never had a cleaning person. Gary said he did. He said he had a woman come in every other week. He said that she would clean the sheets, towels and things like that. Rahsaan said that his mom made them clean the house often so he did it weekly.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary might be past his prime as far as going to Coachella. He said he's 34 and he's kind of old for it himself. Gary said it depends on the whole thing. Gary said he was one of the only guys watching Flume at Gov-Ball last year. He said he and his wife were there and he can kind of get away with going to something like that. He said he saw some people there who were just old and it did look weird. Jon said that sentence about him seeing Flume might be his favorite of all time.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. He ended the show around 12:05pm.
Howard started the show taking another hit of his coffee. He said he wants to get jacked up. Robin said he doesn't even use a sippy cup. Howard said he rips the plastic top right off. Howard said he hopes Robin does that. Robin said she likes the sippy cup. Howard said the plastic is probably melting into the coffee. Howard said she needs one of those coffee holders that he has too. Howard said he has to take another hit of artificial stimulation. He said next it's coke. Howard tried to get Fred to play a Robin ''cocaine'' clip but he was busy sending an email to someone about a computer problem.
Howard had a Mark the Bagger clip where he told them who is on the show today. They had Geraldo Rivera and someone else. Howard said he didn't get the second one. Robin said she didn't hear the rest either.
Howard said he has some exciting news. He said they get on the air and get the host to say weird things and they love it. Howard said they got The Kathy Radio Show to say some crazy names. Howard said they got her to say a bunch of weird names all in one show. Howard said she will say Boner, Beat Your Meat and other things. They spelled the names in a weird way so the host didn't know ''Reach Around Knob Tuggers'' and things like that. Howard played the clip and the host reads some of the names and products in the letter that the guys sent in to her show. She read things like Finger Bang Finger Paint Party and things like that. She also read some birthday wishes to people like Bo Ner.
Howard said next week they'll get her to read that she's a dumb fucking idiot who will read anything. Howard said the next phony phone call is him calling a women's talk show talking about how he won a ''best hair'' award. Howard played that one and the guys called this show with clips of Howard talking about his best hair award. They had him singing a song but they kept hanging up on him. The guys would call back and have him singing again.
Howard said most people who want to be on the radio won't be successful because they don't know how to handle something like that. He said they have to bail out on that. Howard said he almost vomited during that and Robin didn't even notice. Robin said she was trying to ignore this for a while.
Howard said they have 21 revelations from Robin's book up on HowardStern.com. Howard said there were at least 4 things in there he didn't remember. Howard said he read about how Robin's dad set her up on a date to go to the senior dance after he molested her. Howard said this asshole was busy setting her up on a date after molesting her. Howard said he's trying to pimp off his daughter.
Howard said Robin wrote about how she auditioned for a porn director and went to a strip club. Howard said somewhere there's a nude Polaroid of Robin. Howard said he can imagine that. Howard said she had that short afro at the time. Robin said she doesn't remember how she looked. Howard asked Robin where this was. She said it was out in California. Howard said Robin went to this audition and got nude and he took a picture of her. Howard asked if he squeezed her titty. Robin said that was another story. Howard said imagine how wealthy Robin would be if she got into porn. Robin said she'd be retired. Howard asked if the guy told Robin he could get her some work. Robin said he took the picture and said thank you. She said she never heard from the guy. Howard asked if he couldn't find her work. Robin said she doesn't know what was up with that. Howard said Robin was like a naive teen. Howard said they should have made a movie about her life.
Howard said he does remember being sexually awakened by a white Bohemian. He read that part of her book and Robin didn't even remember that. Howard read about Robin's tingly woman parts and her ''womanly wiles.'' Howard asked who wrote this book. Robin said she doesn't know.
Howard said he had no idea about this. He said she had sex with a man and ripped out his circumcision stitches. Howard read that and Robin talked about doing that to the guy. Robin said she forgets about this.
Howard said Robin also wrote about hating him so much that she jogged on his face. Howard said here was also something else he didn't remember. Howard said that Robin had to masturbate incessantly on weekends. Howard said she would spend entire weekends masturbating. Howard read the quotes from the book and she says she would get Playgirl magazine to jerk off to. Howard said she would stay under the covers for hours until she passed out. Howard asked Robin if she was holding the magazine with one hand. Robin said she doesn't need constant visual stimulation. She said she could look at the cock and think about it.
Howard said that's some book. That's a great anniversary. Robin said all of those books should be burned. Howard said she's right. He said all of his should be too.
Howard read another part of the book where Robin said she was approached by a man asking her to be a drug dealer. Howard said he was going to pimp her out too. Howard said she got naked for this guy when he demanded to see the goods. Howard said Robin was like a retarded person back then. Howard said he's not sure if he should be in the same room with her. Howard said the guy got her naked and then started sucking on her nipples. Howard said Robin says she finally put it together and figured he was a pimp.
Howard said they celebrate Robin's book today. Howard asked if any of this is true. Robin said it sounds like fiction to her. Howard said he's shocked that she would masturbate all weekend. Howard said what a life. He said that's Quivers a Life. Howard said he thinks he read it and he was in denial. Fred said he remembers reading it and his jaw dropped. He said it was like reading about a rape.
Howard said Robin's dad was so fucked up that they buried him 9 feet deep. Howard said this book should have been buried with him. Robin said they ask her to put the book out again and she says absolutely not. Howard said Robin wouldn't have written this without Judith Reagan. Robin said it's out of context. She said when it's in context it's not so bad.
Howard said Gary wrote an article for Billboard magazine. Howard said they wanted him to write about his love of vinyl. Howard said it's so boring he wasn't able to get through 2 sentences. Howard said Gary writes about how he goes up to the attic to listen to a piece of vinyl. Howard asked who says that? He said just say you put a record on. Howard said don't change records to ''a piece of vinyl.'' Howard said he should shut up and get fingered by his father. Howard said he can jog on his face. Howard said he hates Gary's book. He said that he's embracing Baba Booey even though it's a put down. Howard said he's aggravated by everything.
Howard took a call from Robin Quivers. The guys in the back were playing clips of Robin telling stories. Howard asked questions and the guys played answers. Howard congratulated her on her 21st anniversary. Howard said he recommends Jon Hein's book. The guys played Robin saying ''No.''
Howard said they asked some black people the same question and they were all saying yes. Howard played some of those answers and the black guys were talking about how he should be there and he's getting all of the pussy. Howard said he loves black people. He said you'd think he'd be a racist but no. He said he doesn't like white people. Howard thanked the black men for that.
Howard said Guns N' Roses were at Coachella and they had like 57 endings for ''November Rain.'' Howard played the clip and the song was taking forever to end. Howard said Leonardo DiCaprio fucked like 20 chicks to this.
Howard said the Nigerian government can't get these idiots under control. Howard said they're kidnapping people all over the place. He said they are a bunch of independent cells so they can't be controlled. Howard said the whole place is so fucked up they don't know what to do. Howard said imagine you're born in this part of the world. Howard said you're sunk if you're a woman. Howard said Robin is going to go there to research her next book.
Howard said we're doing very little over there. He said we can't afford it. Howard said the Nigerian Government has to get strong and go after them but they don't know how to find them. Robin said the women are married off and sold as sex slaves. Howard thanked the caller for the call.
Robin said there's a play on Broadway that was written by the woman who is on The Walking Dead and carries the sword. Howard said he sees her on the Talking Dead and she looks super hot. Howard said her name on the show is Michonne. Robin was trying to tell Howard about a play she wrote but Howard didn't want to hear it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he works for a record collection. He said he worked there for 7 years and he never heard them call them pieces of vinyl. Howard said no more Gary writing articles. He said he defies Robin to read the whole article. Howard said he's going to see how many people can sit through something like that. Howard said he guarantees no one will be left listening. Howard said it'll be like one of those podcasts.
Howard said the best impression of Gary is Sour Shoes. He said Sour called Jon Hein's voicemail and droned on forever. Howard played a clip from that rambling Gary impression. Sour was going on and on about the band Chicago. Howard said this went on for a half hour. He said Sour went on taking about pieces of vinyl and Chicago. Howard played more of Sour doing his Gary voice and talking about his vinyl collection and music. Sour kept clearing his throat and things that Gary does.
Howard said he's going to make a special out of that half hour drone. The caller said he makes Gary sound good. He said you hear that droning on and you think Gary is good. Howard said Sour got into singing a love song to Jon Hein. He played some of that too. Sour was singing about his love for Jon Hein.
Howard said that was just 3 highlights from a half hour call. The caller asked if Howard ever threw sour any money on the street. Howard said no. He said it's so scary running into him on the street. Howard said he's got baby toys and instruments out there. Howard said he told him once not to stand out there or he'll never have him on the show again. He said he hasn't shown up again.
Robin said Gary writes about the console that his parents had in this article. Gary said he can't believe he's getting this from Robin who had a 4 page article about her apartment in an architecture magazine. Robin read some of the stuff Gary was writing about in the article.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who had clips of Gary talking about pieces of vinyl. They had excerpts from his audio book that they were using. Howard talked to the clips for a short time. They had Gary rambling on and on and Howard said he has to hang up on him.
Robin read more of Gary's article where he wrote about vinyl making a come back because it's tactile and people want that. Howard said he knew a woman years ago who lost her mind. He said she was bipolar or something. Howard said they found her nude rubbing vinyl against her body. Howard said he bets Gary has done that. Robin said he probably does.
Howard played some audio of Sal talking to some record store owners and asking if they've ever heard the term ''pieces of vinyl'' and they were all saying no. They haven't heard of them being called pieces of vinyl. Howard said Gary is behind that movement. Robin read more of Gary's article and goofed on him about the ''pieces of vinyl'' thing.
Howard said in the 7th paragraph he says ''pieces of vinyl'' twice. Howard said that's where he lost his mind. Howard said he has to proof anything he writes. Robin said Gary puts Sonos on and he can go do other things but if he's listening to the console he's engaged. Howard and Robin both laughed. Howard asked how they can take Gary seriously. Robin said Mary wants to get rid of all of this stuff. Howard said he wishes she would right now. He said she should just throw it all in the garbage.
Howard started to play a song parody about Gary but he said he wont pile on him. Howard had Gary back on the phone. The guys were playing clips of Gary rambling about music. Howard asked if they can wrap this up. They had Gary say ''Mmm Hmm.''
Gary said he thought this was Robin's anniversary. Howard said they had to talk about the new article. Howard wondered if the guy from Billboard read the article and said ''what the fuck?'' Robin read more of the article and Howard said she has to stop reading it because it's making him ill. Robin said Gary brought that console to his mother's nursing home. Gary said he wanted her to feel at home. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard said that poor woman was stuck in a room with Gary. Gary said the console fit in the room perfectly.
Jason came in and said the console was more than a piece of furniture. Gary said her TV was on top of it. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he can't talk about this stuff again. He said it makes him uncomfortable. Howard said they should move Gary out and move the console into his office. Howard asked Robin to please never talk about that again. They went to break after that.
Howard said no more Hanzi. He said he didn't get a chance to tell him ''take care brush your hair.'' Howard said people liked that he told Hanzi to fuck off in the email. Howard said a lot of people are excited about Donald Trump and Ted Cruz having a debate on the show. Howard said it was hard to get them to agree to do it.
Howard said he thinks Cruz should drop out. Howard said Trump deserves the nomination. Robin said Mitt Romney says that if they want Trump not to win someone has to drop out of the race. Howard asked what Trump did to Mitt that has him so upset.
Howard said Ted Cruz called into the Curtis Sliwa show and he asked if he would ban dildos. He said Ted said he wouldn't. Howard played the clip of Curtis asking the question and Ted talking about what people do in their private time is up to them. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a Swap Shop clip where they read birthday wishes to fake names the guys sent in.
Howard said they can evaluate him now. Howard said Steve has to grow his hair out so he has the right look. Howard said their band isn't about the music, it's about the looks. Howard said that's why he kicked Scott Salem out of the band. Howard said he's going to see how his emotion is when he plays.
Howard had Steve do his thing. Steve played Van Halen's ''Eruption'' for him. Howard said he was getting into that. Howard said they have to start anther band. Howard said maybe Steve can hang with him. Howard asked if he can play anything else. Howard said he has a feeling he his been playing just that one song his whole life. Howard said he's pretty good. Howard said he's been in about 10 bands with Fred and none of them have worked out. Fred asked if maybe it's Howard and not him. Howard said not possible. Howard said Fred isn't a good collaborator when it comes to writing songs.
Howard had Steve play and he thought he might write something to go with it. He was singing ''Tits'' over and over again. Howard said that's not what he wants to write though. Howard said he thinks they've had enough of him so get out of there. Robin said he has skills. Howard said he does. Howard said the kid's not bad. Fred said he's not bad at all.
Fred said Howard has that amp at home. Howard said he plays his iPhone through it. Howard said Steve worked with Beetlejuice on one of his new singles. Howard played the ''I'm in hell'' song that Beet did recently.
Howard said he got a poster from Piff the Magic Dragon who was on America's Got Talent. Howard said he has gotten a big boost from being on that show. Howard said Piff was a really nice guy. Howard said he sent him some playing cards. He said Piff is selling out all over the country and it's been life changing for him. He said he's a huge fan and he thought it was cool to go from eye rolls to a standing ovation. Howard said he had some personal stuff in the letter. Howard said it made him feel good. He said he says he came on the show because of him. Howard said he hopes Heidi, Mel and Howie didn't get the same letter. He said that would be a bummer.
The caller asked if his fight against the FCC was just a bit. Howard said no, it was a real thing. Howard said the FCC did something that was tantamount to blackmail. Howard said it was racketeering. Howard said they went ahead and said if you employ Howard Stern they won't approve the sales of their stations. Gary said the last time someone was fined for indecency was in 2004. Howard said that's because it was all about him. Howard said he was almost run out of the business. Howard said thank god for satellite.
The caller said Howard must understand the special interest push. She was trying to push for Bernie Sanders. Howard said go vote for him then. Howard said he got deluged with Bernie Sanders fans for not getting on the bandwagon. Howard said he has no problem with the guy but there is so much that's vague in his pipe dreams that people are getting excited over things that may not be true. The caller said she thinks that marijuana being legalized would pay for a lot of what he has planned. Howard said that's not going to solve the 17 trillion of debt we have.
Howard told the caller he doesn't know what's going on. He said he's just trying to make people laugh. The caller said she just wants to get the word out because Bernie doesn't have the special interest push that the others do. Howard said they all have that. Howard said he cant wait for this fucking election to be over.
Howard asked the caller, Meg, if she wanted to play a game. She was up for it so Howard said they'll play a Beetlejuice Faces Game. Howard said they have Meg on the phone and she'll be playing for $500 cash from Casper Mattresses. Howard said what Meg doesn't know is that she has to blow High Pitch Erik if she loses. She still wanted to play though.
Howard said they're going to show Beet some pictures of people's faces and they have to guess if Beet will know who they are. Howard said they showed Beet a picture of Spider-Man. This was a test so Robin said she's going to say no. Howard played the clip and Beet said Batman.
Howard said now it's time to play with Meg. Howard said they showed Beetlejuice a picture of Big Bird from Sesame Street. Meg said she would say yes, he will know. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Donald the duck.''
Howard said they showed Beetlejuice a picture of Santa Claus. Meg said he won't know. Howard said he would have said yes. He played Beet's answer which was ''Santa Claus.''
Howard said they showed Beetlejuice a picture of President Obama. Meg said that Beetlejuice will not know. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Hillary Clinton that dirty fuck.''
Howard said they showed Beetlejuice a picture of Bugs Bunny. Meg said he will not know that one. Howard sounded surprised. Beet said ''Roger the Rabbit dude.''
Howard said they showed Beetlejuice a picture of Batman. Meg said he will not know. Howard said he would have gone the other way. Beet's answer was ''Batman.'' Meg lost. Howard thanked her for playing anyway. He let her go after that. Howard said goodbye in many languages and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Howard said there's a guy who did a cover of the song but it's not as good as he thought it was. Howard said he just wants to hear this.
Howard said Geraldo Rivera is there. Howard said it's been a few years since he spoke to him. He said he is a fan of Geraldo's. Geraldo said he can dance to it. Howard told him not to. He said he saw him on that dance show. Geraldo said he's 72, what do you expect. Howard said he posted a picture of himself without a shirt on and he got so much crap for it. Geraldo said the head of FOX News told him to take it down. Howard said they have such hot women working there and he doesn't understand why Geraldo can't post that picture.
Howard said Geraldo back in the old days would have gone through that whole news room. Geraldo said he's been monogamous with his wife and he won't do that. Geraldo said he looks at himself in the mirror and uses that cheating energy toward his career. Howard asked if he had to go through therapy to get to that point. Geraldo said he decided he'd had enough and it was a self revelation. He said he would use such devious tactics to be unfaithful to his wife. Howard said the amount of energy you put into women is crazy. He said cheating or chasing and all of that. Geraldo said that he and Howard grew up homely. He said that he had pimples and he was skinny with asthma. He said once he got famous and had some money he was able to have it all and he took every opportunity.
Howard said he watched Geraldo on Dancing with the Stars. He said he thought it was an odd choice for him. Howard said the dancing was horrible. Geraldo agreed. Howard asked if he watched it. Geraldo said he got bored and they had been asking him for years to do it. He said he kept saying no. He said the reason he used to turn it down was because his daughters told him that it would ruin his marriage. Geraldo said they asked him again and he wanted to see if he could do it. He did a test and they wanted him so badly that he did it. Howard said he watched the show for him and he hasn't watched it since they voted him off. Geraldo said he's been around so long. He said this is just another anecdote. Howard said he doesn't sweat it.
Howard said there as a point in his career where he left ABC and took off on a boat. Howard said he was offered a special called Al Capone's vault and his agent told him not to do it. Howard asked why he didn't listen to his agent. Geraldo said it's the third highest rated syndicated show in the history of TV. He said that he did it because he needed the money. He said he was fired by ABC in 1985. He said his monthly nut was 50 grand. He said he was making north of a million dollars at ABC. He said he told his agent that if he got 50,000 he'd do it. He said they agreed to that. He said that he wanted to do a documentary about the Chicago Mob and all of that. He said if the vault was empty at least they had something to watch.
Howard said Geraldo got hot again and got 12 job offers. Geraldo said it was 22. Howard said he was a bit of an outcast. Howard said his mom was Jewish and his dad was Puerto Rican. Geraldo said he was called a kike and a spic. Howard said he went out and got a Jewish star tattooed on his fist. Geraldo said he wanted to be a tough guy. He said he wanted to be the tough Jew. He said he did the star himself. Howard asked if it hurt. Geraldo said he doesn't remember if it hurt. He said he's had so many fist fights and he is like the tough Jew and the tough Puerto Rican.
Howard asked who taught him how to fight. He said he did the fight with Frank Stallone. Howard said he grew up in a shit neighborhood. Geraldo said it wasn't a shit neighborhood. He said he was a bad kid though. Howard said he lifted a car and got arrested when he was young. Geraldo said he did. He said they stole a car but then stole the tires. Geraldo said his dad came to him and he was a really hard working man. He said he brought him to the police station and showed him the tires there. He said he looked at the tires and looked at his dad and never stole anything again in his life.
Howard said Geraldo got into the University of Pennsylvania and he was a smart guy. Howard said he could have thrown all of that away. Howard said Geraldo became a lawyer and became a lawyer for the Young Lords. He said he was wearing their uniform and everything. Howard said that's kind of nutty. Geraldo said this was back in 1968 and the world was on fire. He said he grew his moustache back then had he hasn't shaved it since. He said he had the Young Lords and he had something there. Howard asked if he was making money doing that. Geraldo said he was doing free work for them but he had $250 a week coming in for his scholarship. Howard said this guy Al Primo saw him as their media spokesperson and he made him a reporter. Geraldo said that he just had to show up because he was Puerto Rican. He said he was sent to Columbia University to study journalism. Howard said Geraldo had an idea to go investigate a mental institution. Geraldo said it was a doctor for the Young Lords who was a doctor at Willowbrook State School. He said he told him he had to see the conditions there. He said that he thought he'd never get in. The guy stole a key for him and he still has that key. He said he jumped the fence and ran in and got in with his cameraman. Howard said that he thinks it's the defining moment in his career. Geraldo agreed.
Howard said Geraldo exposed Willowbrook State School. Howard said it was horrifying. Howard said the kids were naked and abused. Geraldo said it's one of those things that he'd weep about if he started talking about it. He said it was worse than a dog kennel. He said that the kids were knocking their heads against the wall and had feces smeared on themselves. Howard asked if his bosses were afraid that they'd be sued. Geraldo said they were freaked out that first night. He said they blurred the faces the first night but then there was so much outrage. He said this was in New York City and they were shocked.
Howard said you'd think there would be some compassion about it. Geraldo said the Kennedy family never told anyone about Rosemary because there was shame about the developmentally disabled. He said it was a different age. Howard said that led to the court intervention and they closed that institution. Geraldo said they closed down every one in the country after that. He said it was huge.
Howard said Geraldo was chasing stories and he thought he could do it again and again. Geraldo said his whole life from January 1972 has been a follow up. He said you can never do that again. He said you're always chasing yourself.
Howard asked if he had a lot of people coming at him with stories. Geraldo said he did but nothing moved the world like that did. Howard said Geraldo became the highest paid reporter after that. Howard said then John Lennon became a fan and called him. Geraldo said the first call was Yoko. John called him to his apartment. Howard asked if that was the ultimate high for him. Geraldo said absolutely it was. He said he was hanging out with John and Yoko. He said that it was a wonderful, intimate meeting. He said it became a relationship. He said they were hanging out a lot. He said they'd hang out and smoke weed. Geraldo said he performed for him privately with a guitar and amp in a private room. He said he was just playing his catalog for fun.
Geraldo said that the government was investigating John and they were hiding in San Francisco. He said that John took out his guitar and went through his stuff. He said it was mostly the stuff that they put on the New York album later. Geraldo said there was a camera in the room too so someone was filming it. He said he has a dream that Bob Dylan will do this for him too.
Howard asked how long the concert was. Geraldo said it was the whole night but they hung out other nights too. He said that he's one of the witnesses that has testified for the Hinkley thing. Howard asked where he was when John got shot. Geraldo said that he swears he heard the shots because he was so close to where it happened. He said he was maybe a 1/4 mile away. Howard said that James Taylor tells a similar story about hearing the shots. Geraldo said he got the call from the news room that his friend was shot. He said he went out and did a report about what John meant to him. He said it was one of the worst nights of his life. He said it was just awful.
Howard said he didn't know John but he wonders what he would have contributed. Geraldo said that he was killed in 1980 and the world was robbed of so much music. He said New York was so important to John too. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Yoko. Geraldo said of course he is. He said 6 years ago she did a nice tribute to him. Howard asked if he calls her about the shooting. Geraldo said they keep in touch but not on a regular basis. He said he thinks that she was treated cruelly by historians. He said they shower her with negativity and she's really an underrated person. He said that it was true love for John and Yoko. Howard said he feels bad for Sean Lennon. Geraldo said three weeks before the shooting he ran into John, Yoko and Sean in the stroller. He said they had just made ''Imagine'' and there were some great songs playing. He said both of them were in the best mood he'd seen them in for years. Then he gets killed 3 weeks later.
Howard said there has to be something like a drug that Geraldo wanted because he had such popularity. Geraldo said he was married to Edie Vonnegut and things were going well. Howard said he was on ABC and then suddenly he was fired from ABC. Howard said Geraldo did the Capone's vault thing and then he got the Geraldo Show. Howard said that fucked his head up. He said it was like Jerry Springer but the fights were real. Geraldo said the show could still be on today if he wanted it to be. Geraldo said that they had just invented DNA and he did the ''Who's the Baby Daddy'' thing first. He said that he got to a place where this one punky guy was abusing to women and the wife is there. He said he tells the guy the baby is not his and punches the set wall and walks off. He said that's the day he said he just couldn't do it anymore. He said it was too hard. Geraldo said it just isn't him.
Geraldo said he gave up that show and then went to CNBC. He said he had the daytime show and Rivera Live at the same time. He said in 1998 NBC said if he dropped the daytime show they'd give him $5 million for 6 years. He said he thought that was his dream come true. He said he could get back to his news job and be that guy who broke the Willowbrook thing. Geraldo said he had to go to war because 9/11 happened and NBC didn't let him go to war. He had to move to FOX News with Roger Ailes. He said that he got a pay cut to do that. Geraldo said they lost 6 dads in just his kid's day care alone. He said they lost a ton of people from that area he was living in. Geraldo said he had to move to FOX News to get into that war about 9/11. Howard said he was willing to walk away from the money to follow his passion.
Howard asked Geraldo about the Iraq war and if he supported that. Geraldo said that's one of his most embarrassing moments. He said we know more about it now but back then he did. Howard said we were lied to about that.
Howard said he thinks Geraldo should be on The Five on FOX News. Howard said he is the liberal voice over there and he argues with people on the show. Howard said he's passionate about things. Howard asked if he likes the people over there. Geraldo said he does. He said that FOX is different. He said he was hired to be a war correspondent and they kept him on after that. Howard said Geraldo seems to have nothing to lose. Howard said he has a clip where he threatens to punch someone on The Five. Howard said that's fantastic TV. Howard said that he should have a boxing match between him and Eric Bowling. Howard asked if he was a football player or something. Geraldo said that he was a baseball player. Howard asked if he would like to be on that show as a regular. Geraldo said he would like some regularity at this point in his life. Howard asked why they have to go to break when something good is happening. Geraldo said it's live so they have to be careful. They can't say anything like they can on this show.
Howard said he wants Geraldo to talk about the sexy women over there at FOX News. Howard said they have so many hot women. Howard said that they have Kimberly Guilfoyle and Dana Perrino. Howard said he thinks Greg Gutfeld is in love with her. Geraldo said he's not sure about that. Howard asked Geraldo who he likes physically more, Kimberly or Megyn. Geraldo said it's very hard for a Spanish guy to say no to a Spanish girl. Howard said right. Howard said he's saying Kimberly then. Howard asked if his wife gets jealous of these women. Geraldo didn't have any stories about that.
Howard asked Geraldo about more of the women over there at FOX News. Geraldo was saying you can't go wrong with any of them over there.
Howard asked Geraldo about being a registered republican. Geraldo explained why that is. He was going to run for senator. He said he needed more money to run and he backed out.
Howard asked if he hangs with anyone over there at FOX. Geraldo said he and Sean Hannity will golf together. He said that he can't get enough of his tales from the 60s. He said he might be Bill O'Reilly's only friend over there. He said that they're all from the same place. He said O'Reilly isn't a hang out kind of guy though. He said Bill is a very generous guy. He said he gave him $5,000 for the Willowbrook charity. He said he's very generous.
Howard asked what he thought of Trump going off on Megyn Kelly. Geraldo said it was weird and silly. He said it was pointless and very uncomfortable. Howard asked if he has spoken to Trump. Geraldo said he likes them all very much. He said he likes Trump and his kids and his wife. He said he begged him on immigration and he can't vote for someone who wants to deport people who have citizen children. He said to be a republican nominee you have to be crazy. He said it's all crazy stuff. He said the wall thing is crazy too.
Howard asked Geraldo about this Beauty and the Beast thing he has going on. Howard asked if it's about him and his wife. Geraldo asked how his wife is doing. Howard said she's great. Howard asked how old his kids are. Geraldo said he has a 10 year old. Howard said he must be exhausted having a 10 year old. Geraldo said that most guys his age aren't in shape. He said he's in good shape. He said he rides his bicycle everywhere. He said he's surprised that Howard hasn't seen him. Howard said he's never outside. Geraldo said he was hit by a cab not long ago. He said he was making a left turn and this guy knocked him down with the cab.
Geraldo said he's not riding his Harley anymore because he was making a left turn and he went in front of a guy and another car floors it and he had to lay the bike down or he'd be killed. Geraldo said this was like a year ago. He said four guys came over and started taking his picture and one guy helped him get up.
Howard asked Geraldo if he's afraid of dying. Geraldo said he knows he's going to be dead and it bothers him. He said his mom is 96 and still around. He said his grandparents made it to 99 and 97. Howard said he thinks he'll make it to his 90s. Geraldo said he hopes not. He said he doesn't want to spend his kid's money.
Howard asked Geraldo if he has to use Viagra or anything. Geraldo said anyone over the age of 30 is lying if they say they've never used it. Howard said he's never used anything. Howard said he swears to god he's never used anything. He said his penis is hard right now. Geraldo said Howard told him he has 2 inches. Howard said he has one inch but it's hard. Geraldo said it's like he has 3 balls. Geraldo said he has tried Viagra but he doesn't use it regularly. He said if you have a wife 32 years younger than you then you don't need it.
Howard asked if he still owns an island. Geraldo said he does. He said it's 3 miles off the coast of Puerto Rico. He said he has a house and a pool on it. He said he has a bicycle track a mile long around the island. Howard asked if he has to get there on a boat. Geraldo said he does. He said he pays a couple hundred bucks in taxes and that's it. He said he's one of the biggest employers out there. He said that he loves the Puerto Ricans. Howard asked how big the Island is. Geraldo said it's a mile around.
Howard asked what he's uncovered on this Beauty and the Beast special he's doing. Geraldo said it's about El Chapo. They spent a minute on that and Netflix was mentioned. Geraldo said that the only person to give him a hard time in his career was Kevin Spacey. He said he's the snobbiest guy. Howard said he got snubbed by J-Lo.
Howard asked more about the El Chapo special and Geraldo gave Howard the details about what it's about. He said that it's this woman who brought down El Chapo. He told Howard about the woman getting in touch with him and how he fell in love with this woman and he risk everything just to see her.
Howard said Geraldo has done it all. He said he has lived the life of 10 men. Geraldo said if you die you die so you have to fill your life. Howard said he lives the opposite life of him. He said he never leaves his apartment.
Howard said that Geraldo still has all of his hair. Howard said he does too and he doesn't color it. Geraldo said he has no idea what color his is. Howard said he should do an investigation into JD's apartment. Geraldo said that's a brilliant idea. Howard said he wants him to go into JD's apartment and find out if he jerks off on his sheets.
Howard asked Geraldo if he was shitting his pants the day he broke into Willowbrook. Geraldo said whatever he was shitting turned into rage as soon as he opened the doors.
Howard said he wishes Geraldo a long life. He gave him some plugs for the Beauty and the Beast special that will be on FOX News in May. Howard gave him some more plugs and talked about House of Cards some more. They were talking about Robin Wright and how she aged out for Sean Penn. Howard asked how they keep rotating the girls out at FOX News. Howard said it's good he's married because he'd have a harem of FOX News reporters if he wasn't. Howard said he couldn't work over there because he'd be so distracted.
Howard said it was good to see him. Geraldo said he was there a few years ago. He said that he knows he was in that studio after Howard made the move. Geraldo said he's across the street at FOX. He said he has a bar in his office. Howard said he should come over there. Howard wished him luck with the special. They went to break after that.
Howard said he got the math wrong the first time. He said he went back in and did it again. He said he dug in deep. Howard said he wants to compliment the Roosevelt school system for teaching him so well.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Richard Simmons voice for him as if he were calling in from Coachella. Howard said he should do Mad Dog instead. He said he's got to work on that Richard Simmons impression.
Howard said they called a restaurant using Richard Simmons audio book clips. Howard played the clip and the place was called Mama's so they had Richard asking ''Where's Mama?'' They had him asking for sausage and help milking it. They had Richard asking about sausage over and over until the guy hung up.
Howard said that made no sense at all. Howard said when Richard called from Coachella they were playing some EDM music. Howard said Ronnie has put out some EDM music too. Howard played a clip of a new EDM song with Ronnie clips in it. Robin said she thinks it's a club hit.
Robin started off with a story about elderly people using more and more social media. Howard said his parents won't. He said they don't even want a phone. Howard said they don't even carry pictures of their children with them. Howard said it didn't hit him until he was an adult that they didn't even want a reminder of him in their wallet. Howard said that's boring to them. He said he's so fucked up from that. Robin said he could get over it. Howard said his mother is dumbfounded that his sister can see pictures of people on her computer. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about Ellen talking to her cousin on ''the machine.'' Howard was doing that impression and then did his dad too. Howard said this goes on and on and on. Howard said they only talk about Dunkin Donuts these days. He said that they go maybe once or twice a week. Howard said they go there for lunch. He had his mom talking about the guy at Dunkin Donuts who is on his machine all day long. Howard had his mom talking about this guy who shows up in a fancy car and sitting there on his machine all day long. Howard said it sounds like their day is action packed. He said they don't go for a walk when it's too windy out. Howard said his mother is glad he got rid of that America's Got Talent. Robin asked if she didn't like the show. Howard had his mom telling Robin she liked Howard on the show every week but without him who the hell cares? Howard kept that going for a while. He told his mom about what Robin wrote about in her book.
Robin read a story about doctors reminding people about the blood clot issue that affects long distance fliers. Robin asked Howard if he's a mile high club guy. Howard said he doesn't want to be part of that. He said that he just wants to have sex in his bed. He said he doesn't fantasize about that. Howard said he has done it on a coffee table or something but nothing in a public place. Robin read about a doctor who is telling people to get up and move around if you're stuck in a plane for a long period of time. Howard said he knows some people who were on a private plane and a couple went in and started fucking in the bathroom and of course everyone knew what was going on. He said he wasn't on the plane but he knows these people.
Robin read about a study that was done that found that over the counter drugs are linked to cognitive impairment. Howard said he's taking a baby aspirin a day. Robin said they say Benadryl is linked to this. Robin said she takes that. She read about some of the other drugs that are linked to this issue. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Erik if he would have acted on it if Gonzo was up for it. Erik said not really. Erik said he's not Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said you know he would have gone for it. Erik said no way. Howard said he would have fucked him. Erik said he was trying to put a dildo on him. He got one for his birthday and Gonzo was shoving it in his face. Gonzo said they did get one for him and they had it on the table in the room. Then room service came. He said they gave it to Joey Boots and he's going to make good use of it.
Howard said that he has an update on Erik's court case. Erik said his case was dismissed. Howard said he has to interpret for the audience. Howard said the case was dismissed and TMZ was there and interviewed High Pitch Erik after the case. Howard played the clip from TMZ where they asked Erik how he felt. Erik said he feels good and it's good for him. His lawyer said the case will be dismissed and that day was the first step in getting it dismissed. Erik told the reporter he has to be good for 6 months and avoid Elephant Boy.
Howard said that lawyer went to 7 years of school and now he's representing this nitwit. Howard asked if Erik threatened Elephant Boy on stage in Pittsburgh. Erik said he did not. Gonzo said he didn't but he did threaten Speech Impediment Man. Gary said he saw the tape of Erik on stage saying ''Fuck Elephant Boy, fuck him...'' Gonzo said he didn't threaten him though. Howard said Erik has to stop with the Elephant Boy stuff. He said he has to just calm down. He said he knows he's dull but just don't talk about Elephant Boy. Erik said he won't. Howard said it's very simple. Robin said it is. She said you have to tell him to just not talk about him. Erik said if anything happens please don't have it up there at the same time. Howard said he has to learn to control himself around Elephant Boy. Howard said he might be around. He said he's his friend too.
Erik said he's worried about tomorrow. Howard said he should be. He could die. Howard said he's obese and he could die. Erik said he just weighed himself. He said he can't eat after midnight. He said he can't drink coffee after 9am. Erik asked if he can call him after his procedure. Howard said he can't. He's busy. Erik asked if he can call just to say hello. Howard said no. Howard said if he dies he'll say something nice about him on the radio. Howard said Gary will call him. Erik said he wants to hear Howard's voice. Howard said he didn't speak to Robin for days after her procedure. Howard said he can send Benjy to visit him. Erik asked if he can send John Stamos. Howard said no. Erik asked if he wants him to call in before his procedure. Howard said no. He said this is the call. He said this is enough. Robin asked who is taking him to the hospital. Howard figured Joey Boots but Erik said no. He said he's going with Access-a-ride.
Gary said he heard that there's some friction between Erik and Joey. Gonzo said there is a huge rift there. Gonzo said that Joey is upset about Erik's obsession with this girl he's been in contact with lately. Howard asked Erik if he's going to get a girl come between them. Erik said he can't talk about it because it's upsetting. Howard said he has to get it out now. Erik said she came out for his birthday and she and Joey had it out on Sunday. He said that's what he's unhappy about. Howard said he has a way with a story.
Shuli came in and said that Erik is 100 percent obsessed with this girl. Shuli said they were talking to him about it. He said Erik is emulating everything about her life. He said she likes to take care of people and she's a nice lady. He said things got crazy. He said she's attractive and she's in her 30s. He said she likes Erik as a friend but Erik is in love with her and wants to have a baby with her. Howard asked if he wants to marry her. Erik said he doesn't. Shuli said this woman lives in Atlanta and she came out and had to sneak out of the place to get back to her hotel. Howard asked if Erik is obsessed. Erik said no. Shuli said he has never seen him move so quickly without his cane until he was looking for her.
Shuli said Joey thinks that this woman has a Yoko vibe and Joey is upset about that. He said it's like a couple of chicks fighting over Erik. Shuli said this girl was going to change her flight to get out of Pittsburgh. He said Joey was on a major tear trying to find a guy to blow. He said he was in the green room and he brought in a young dude. He said he left the room and Joey asked the guy if he could suck his dick. He said the guy just wanted to be friends and Joey kept trying by saying that's what friends do.
Erik said this girl is really nice to him. Robin said she's sneaking away from him now. Shuli said he told him she doesn't love him in the same way. Erik yelled at him that she does. Howard said he has to wrap this up. He wished Erik luck with the whole operation thing. Shuli said he'll check in with him tomorrow.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says Erik was an asshole in high school. Howard took the call from Diamond Mike who said that Erik was such a dick. Erik said fuck him. Mike said fuck you too. Shuli said Mike has a thing called Marfan syndrome. He said it affects the connective tissue in the body. Howard said he could be in the Wack Pack. Howard asked if he wants to be in it. Mike said sure. Shuli said it's his dream to be in it. Howard asked if he has a low IQ. Mike said no. Shuli said he does live at home and he's 45 years old. Howard said if something happens to Erik tomorrow then maybe Mike can take his place.
Howard asked Mike why Erik was an asshole. Mike said something but he's very hard to understand. He said something about him smelling bad and other unintelligible things. Shuli said Mike had a girlfriend. Mike said he did and when he was asked if he went down on her he said ''of course'' but it came out as ''a horse''. Howard asked how long it's been since he got laid. Mike said it's been 17 years. Erik said he's a fucking scum bag. Mike said he hopes Erik dies tomorrow. Erik said he hopes Mike dies too.
Howard said the two of them should be friends but they're fighting. Mike said he's like 10 times smarter than Erik. He said they were in some Special Ed classes together. Mike said he was in some regular classes too. He said he took accoutring and math classes. He didn't know why he was in Special Ed. The two of them went at each other for a minute calling each other names. Erik would just repeat what Mike was saying though. Erik said Mike smells like shit and looks like shit too.
Howard asked if there are other people from this school that they should meet. Shuli said it's Zika High. Howard asked Mike if there's more. Mike said that all of his friends are in jail. Howard said lets get back to ''Pointless Counter Pointless.''
Howard said they should do an intelligence test. Mike said he thinks he'll win. Erik said he thinks he'll win. The two went at each other throwing questions out at each other. Erik asked Mike what 9x9 is. Mike said 81. Someone whispered the answer to him. Howard asked who said that. Mike said no one.
Howard said they have to find everyone from the class to get them in there. Howard asked Erik when he'll be out of the hospital. Erik said it's an in and out thing so he should be out tomorrow. Howard said he should come up with a name for Mike like Chernobyl Mike or something. Fred said Marfan Mike. Howard said that's a good one. Fred said that Abraham Lincoln is a sufferer too. Howard said he likes Marfan Mike. Howard asked if Mike can come in next week. Mike said he's not in New York. He's in Florida. Howard said if something happens to Erik they'll get Mike on Blue Bloods. Howard wished Erik luck with the procedure. Howard asked Shuli why he didn't bring him to him sooner. Shuli said he tried but there are hurdles to get over there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about a CVS service that's starting so you can pick up your order curbside at their stores.
Robin read a story about the most popular plastic surgery which is on the lips now. Howard said that's such a mistake. Howard said that Lisa Renna with the lips looks so bad. Howard said it looks so odd. He said these women are mutilating themselves. Howard said they have to stop. Robin read about it being the second fastest growing procedure in the country. Howard said that they want Gary's lips.
Robin read that Pearl Jam and Boston have added their names to the list of bands boycotting playing in North Carolina. Robin said this is in response to a law that seems to be anti-homosexual. Howard said that he loves Eddie Vedder being so serious about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how hot Elektra is in Daredevil. Howard said she's hot. Howard said he doesn't know who she is. The caller gave her name Elodie Yung. Howard said that name is only hot for her. He said that wouldn't work with a big fat chick. Howard said life is cruel. He said girl scan end up looking like a monster. Howard said that a guy can kind of make it his thing.
Robin read about the New York Primaries and had some clips of Trump for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Strahan quitting Live with Kelly and going to Good Morning America. Howard said he heard they didn't get along. Howard said he doesn't think she likes him but he really doesn't know. Howard said someone told him that but people make shit up. Robin said they'll have to do another search to find a new co-host.
Robin read about Hillary going on a morning show there in New York. Howard said she has a problem. He said she's coughing all the time. Howard said black people love Hillary. Howard said she has to make sure they don't go for Bernie Sanders. Howard played a clip of Hillary coughing during her interview. She blamed it on allergies. She was also asked what she carries with her all the time. She said hot sauce so they wondered if she was pandering to their audience. Robin had audio of Trump talking about how that's so phony and pandering and terrible. Howard had fake Hillary Clinton audio clips on the phone. They had her vomiting instead of coughing.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump having a flub during a speech he was making in Buffalo. Robin said he said 7/11 instead of 9/11. Howard said it's unbelievable how you make 900 speeches and in one you make a mistake and people are all over it.
Robin had some audio of Ted Cruz for Howard to play. Howard said he's not sure how he's up against Trump. Howard said he's way out there. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Jon said that they have a guest and that's Douglas Tirola. Jon talked to him about his movie ''Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Story of the National Lampoon'' for a short time.
Jon said today they talked about Robin's book since it was the 21st anniversary of the book coming out. Jon asked if Robin can laugh about that stuff now. Gary said they've had guests on the show who have been unaware of things that were written about. He said that's almost what it seemed like happened today with Robin. Gary said Jackie used to say that her book should be called Quivers a Lie because he didn't believe the stuff she wrote. Gary said there were a lot of stories that were unbelievable in there.
Jon said they have to talk about Gary's book too. He said that Howard brought up an article Gary wrote for Billboard. He said the next 20 minutes became a Gary attack. He said Robin did an expert job of deflecting Howard onto that. Gary said she did that wonderfully. Gary said the thing that made him laugh was that Howard kept asking Robin not to talk about it and then he'd do another 5 minutes on it. Gary said he also doesn't know how many people they called asking about calling it pieces of vinyl. Gary said he's not sure why Howard is so upset about it.
Gary said the thing that pissed him off was Robin saying he was torturing his mother by putting that console in her nursing home room. Gary said the family shares the console and it's not taking up the whole attack space.
Douglas said that he knows what Gary is talking about. He said he loves the way Howard beats him up though. He said he's not sure why that is. Gary said people love to see people miserable. He said Steve Lacey tweeted out a picture of his PDT and it said ''Howard's Bashing Gary'' and he said ''Great way to start the day.'' Gary said maybe it is for Steve but not for him.
Jon said he hates the way he sounds in his audio book and he wonders how Gary feels about his. Gary said it depends on what you take out. He said he sounds like a dick in it. Gary said the person fueling it all is Sour Shoes. He said he can't turn away from a Sour Shoes voicemail. He said Howard gets a smile on his face that you can't believe.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he worked in a record store and ''pieces of vinyl'' is completely acceptable. Gary said he uses it because that's what they said where he worked too. He said that annoys the piss out of Howard though. Gary said he apologizes for all of that bothering Howard. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows that Gary has been tortured for years but he thinks Howard looks at him like he's a good father and maybe jealous of him. Gary said he doesn't think Howard is jealous of him. He said something he said today maybe there is some of that. He said Howard did say he wishes he could be that passionate about something. Jon said that Howard does wish he could have passion for things like others do. Gary said Howard has a passion for painting but he's not jealous of him.
Gary said one of the things he found funny today was Geraldo being shocked that Howard never used Viagra or anything like that. Jon said Geraldo thinks everyone over 30 has used it. Gary said he tried Cyalis once but it didn't even work. Rahsaan said he hasn't had to use it yet and he's 31. Jon said he hasn't either. He said Sal is the one who thinks that everyone has done things and Geraldo seems to be like that too.
Jon and Gary talked about Geraldo for a little longer. They were talking about his career and how he got started and didn't seem to mind taking the punches over the Capone vault thing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon got back to the Geraldo discussion and talked about the fight he had with Frank Stallone. Gary said that led to other fights on the show over the years. He said this one was awesome because it was done for a goof. He said after the fight Frank was out in Times Square holding his belt like he was in a Rocky movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the console thing with record players was a big thing back in the day. Gary said that was the piece of furniture in the living room back then. He said it was a big deal. the caller said he agrees with the caller earlier that Howard is jealous.
Jon brought up Steve Nowicki going in and playing for Howard. Jon said it was a big deal for him. Gary said he doesn't know him well but it was interesting to see him play. He said he was really happy for him when Howard called him in.
Jon wrapped up the show and got in some plugs for Sternthology. Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said Gary is the champ with 61 percent of the votes. They ended the show around 12:05pm.
Howard started the show talking about saying he just experienced talking to a wall. He was talking to Fred asking if it would be funny and never opened the microphone and just played ''The Great American Nightmare'' for 5 hours straight. Howard said Fred had his headphones on and didn't hear him.
Fred said he's fascinated with Benjy. He said he's got a giant cup of fruit he's eating with his salad. Howard said Benjy eats a ton of food. He said he's eating healthy but he eats a ton of it. Howard said a cow gets heavy eating grass so Benjy is going to get heavy doing that. Fred said Benjy is increasing his intake. Benjy said he's in better shape than both of them. Howard said he's so out of shape but Fred could beat him in a wrestling match. Howard said Fred has anger. Benjy said he's ready. Fred said he doesn't want to. Robin said she just wants to see it. Robin wanted to see his muscle. Benjy said he'll bring her one.
Howard said he pulled out of the building yesterday and Ronnie told him that Medicated Pete was out walking up and down the street. He said it looks so weird. He said it's like watching Beavis and Butt-Head cartoon with the ticks and all of that. Howard said what's even weirder is Medicated Pete said to Gary that he wants to show Robin his penis because he doesn't think it's that big. He said if she tells him it's big he'll believe it. Howard said Robin is going to see his penis. Gary said they're going to have him in but they're waiting. Howard said Robin is going to see it in a medicinal way. Gary said he'll set it up.
Howard said yesterday he complimented Yucko the Clown who was at Wonder-Con. Robin asked if he studied clowning. Howard said the crime of it is that he never studied clowning. Howard said he's not going to play it again but he would be up for hearing it again. Howard said he went out and insulted people like Wonder Woman. Howard said it's amazing he doesn't get killed. He said he puts on a clown outfit and no one says anything. Howard said he has Yucko on the phone and he says that one person did demand an apology.
Yucko said he called a girl fat and the boyfriend told him he had to apologize. He said he insulted her on Saturday and on Sunday the guy came up to him saying she was home crying. He said he made him call her right there on the spot. Howard said he can't blame this guy for doing that. Howard said Yucko isn't a strong guy so he could get his ass kicked. Howard said it's a horrible way to make a living. Howard said Sacha Baron Cohen risked his life doing some of his stuff but he got to make some great movies. Howard said Yucko isn't doing that great. Yucko said Brickleberry is streaming on Netflix now and he got a royalty check for $15 so he's doing fine.
Howard said he doesn't understand how in a country like this that we can't get it together to have a voting process where everyone can vote and the machines all work. He said it's such a nightmare. Howard said there were people who weren't able to vote in New York yesterday. Robin asked why it's so hard to vote. Yucko asked why Robin won't let him show her his dick. Robin said it's easy to get a driver's license but not vote.
Yucko asked what he's going to do with $15. He said millions are watching his show on Netflix and that's all he gets. Howard said it's only 15 people watching. He said he should study clowning. Howard asked if he's doing comedy as Yucko. Yucko asked what the fuck happened to his life.
Howard asked if he's getting laid. Yucko said he met a girl on Tinder and she had a huge clit. He said she wasn't a dude but she had a huge clit. Howard said he and his wife were talking about when a dude becomes a girl they have the pussy in the wrong spot. Howard said Beth looked it up online and found out that they can stretch out a clit to be about an inch at the most. Yucko said that this chick's clit looked like Edamame.
Yucko said he's the only person to move to L.A. who got fat. He said most people get skinny out there. Howard said Shuli told him he's playing video games out there. Yucko said he spends 5-6 hours a day doing that. Howard said he was talking to a cop the other day and he asked how long he's on the train going to work and back. He said the guy said he's on it for 2 hours each way. Howard said he's studying for a college class on the train. Howard said he looks around him and everyone is playing games.
Gary said Shuli told him that Yucko is one of those guys who waits on line and buys games the night it's released and gets the special edition. Howard asked where he gets the money. Yucko said he gets the extra weapons and things like that. He said you have an advantage on the little shits you're playing against. Howard said he should be studying clowning or something. He said he could be doing so much more with his life.
Howard asked Yucko if he's going to see the Edamame clit girl again. Howard said he's so funny he should get out of his rut. Yucko said they're doing sketches for a web site. He said he comes up with stuff while he's playing games. Howard said they try to get him to be part of the show but he doesn't even want to do that. Howard said he has to get Shuli motivated every few months. He said he's like Tony Robbins over there. Howard said he should play the game of ''get a job.'' He said he can call that a game and wait on line for that.
Howard asked Yucko about the Edamame clit and if it had lumps. Yucko said it was like a pinky finger with lumps in it. Fred was doing his Ronnie voice and telling him to flick the bean. That led to Yucko doing his Ronnie voice.
Howard said Ronnie did his part from Limitless the other day. Howard said he got a note from someone who said that he's betting that Ronnie was cut from the show. Howard said the guy thinks that his read was so bad that it will end up being cut. Howard played the audio of Ronnie reading his lines from the show. Howard said he'd like to remake every movie using the Ronnie Mund style of acting.
Howard played Ronnie's clips and goofed on that for a short time. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie reading his lines. Howard asked if Ronnie is allowed to curse on the show. Robin said it's on CBS so she doesn't think he can. Howard played a song they created with EDM and Ronnie's lines from Limitless. Howard said that's a good song. Yucko said he was dancing. Howard said they are going to put a video up for that song. He said he sees a nightmare video for the song.
Howard said they have to do something about Yucko's career. Yucko said everyone has to watch Brickleberry on Netflix so he can get $15 at a time. Howard said he loves Yucko but he's not going to watch a cartoon. Howard asked if it's like a Seth MacFarlane kind of situation. Yucko said it is but it's funnier. Howard said he's not watching that. Yucko said Howard is too fucking old. He said he sent Howard an iPad to watch it all. Howard said he has no money and he's buying him an iPad. Howard said he's two steps from cleaning up at Burgerville like Gary. Yucko did his Gary ''Yeeee'' voice.
Howard asked Yucko what he is after Yucko called him a kikey heeb. Yucko said he's Irish and Cherokee Indian. Howard said he's just enough Indian to be downtrodden but not enough to get a casino.
Howard said Shuli is in touch with Yucko all the time. Yucko said they fuck with people while playing games on Xbox Live. He said they pretend to be gay lovers and the people listening will yell at them that they can hear them. Howard said they should record some of that so he can hear it. Yucko said there's some red tape to get through with that. Howard said he tells Yucko to come there to do funny stuff and he's too depressed to do that. Yucko said he'll go talk to some fat nerds again.
Howard asked how old he is now. Yucko said he's 43. Howard let him go a short time later. Yucko went out with a honk.
Howard said you can only take him in small doses. He said he's depressed. Howard played more of Ronnie's lines from Limitless. Howard said he had one paragraph to memorize. Howard said they had to write them down for him on set. Howard said he thinks they got what they wanted out of him. He said they've mentioned the show 50 times.
Howard said he'd like to knows what's going on at the Kelly and Michael show. Robin said she was thinking about what Howard said yesterday. Howard said he heard that Kelly doesn't like Michael. He said he has no recollection of who told him that though. He said his wife remembers hearing it too and she can't remember who told them. Howard said they may have made it up in their heads. Howard said Michael pulled the producer into a room and told Kelly and Gellman that he's going to Good Morning America. Howard said there has to be a good story there. He said he wants the behind the scenes story.
Gary came in and said he has rumors. He said that they're saying Kelly was blind sided and someone at ABC was in on it. He said they may extend Good Morning America and get rid of that show completely. Howard said he thought their ratings were strong. Gary said that's what he's reading. He said he read that he's getting 8 figures to go to Good Morning America. Howard said that show has to be a big money maker. Howard said Kelly should be pulling down at least 12 million or she needs a new agent. He read that the rumors say she makes 20 million a year. Howard said that show does well.
Howard said being on Good Morning America is more prestigious though. Howard said you'd think the syndication market is bigger but maybe Good Morning America is. Gary said he's been doing Good Morning America 2 days a week already. Howard said they need a strong black man on that show. Howard said how about the rumor that Yucko and Kelly are doing a show.
Robin said the rumors are that Neil Patrick Harris or Anderson Cooper may take the spot. Howard said last time they did this they tried to get Booker on the show. Howard said Booker is out in L.A. now and he gave him a whole update on what's going on at Coachella. Howard said he has to get that.
Howard asked if he saw Christina Applegate naked. David said he didn't. Howard said it's him. Howard said he knew it aired on FOX. He said he knew the other answers too.
Howard said lets spend the next 8 hours interrogating David Faustino. Howard asked if he's high right now. David said he's tired because he got up early. David said he's calling because on Monday someone called in and said in 2006 he wasn't allowed in the VIP area at Coachella. He said he had to set the record straight. He said he grew up with the Hagen family and Coachella is in their back yard. He said they're very rich and very kind. He said he has a VIP pass and the pass that lets you go anyplace you want. He said he's had that since 2001. Howard said they should hang. He said he'll fly out and go with him. Howard said then he can see the girls with their vaginas hanging out like Booker says.
Howard said Booker tells him that he would have called in live but it's too early. Howard read what Booker says about how far away it is and how it's like 15 football fields. He said there are a bunch of stages and they have restaurants there in pop ups. He said they have the finest foods out there. David said it's turned into something tremendous.
Howard said Booker also says that the VIP tickets are $900 for a 3 day ticket. He said every asshole has the VIP so it's not really VIP anymore. David said those tickets are a rip off. David said he has his motor home on the lot there. He said that he goes to a camping area and stays with the Hagen family. Howard said they must have a tricked out camper. David said he rents one for the weekend. David said if you want to see hot women the girls at Coachella are really young and on drugs. He said they're beautiful but they could give a shit like the old people like them. Howard said he's not in that group.
Howard said David must be able to coast and just hang if he wants to. David said he wants to make more money but he can. Howard asked if he's a millionaire. David said he has a gorgeous house in the Hollywood Hills. Robin said his parents didn't rip him off.
Howard read more of what Booker said about Coachella. Booker told Howard about the secret VIP areas and trails around the place that let you get around. David confirmed all of that because that's where he stays and that's how he gets around.
Howard read more of Booker's stuff and he told him about the laid back people out there and how the girls just hang out of their clothes. He said they show side boob and nip and they don't care. He said he even saw butt hole. Booker said that the temperature is perfect and no one even gives a fuck about the celebrities out there. He said every girl looks like a Kardashian and no one cares. David said he nailed it with the description.
David said that he thinks there was more ass hanging out than side boob there. He said he took his girlfriend out there with him. He said they're not married yet but they did have a baby together. Howard said that's cool. Howard asked if he could make out with a girl at Coachella and she wouldn't get jealous. David said only if she's with him. Howard asked how you get that going. Howard said these dancers are free. David said she knows what an animal he is and she throws him a bone once in a while. Howard said if she does that then he comes right back. David said he has no desire to cheat if she lets him go with his buddy. He said that he used to go to get laid as much as possible but not anymore. Howard said he's the kind of guy he should be hanging with. Howard said he gets angry when he can't go to something like that.
Howard asked what David wears there. David said he used to get dressed up but now it's shorts, t-shirt and sneakers. Howard asked if he's in good shape. David said he works out every day. He said he's only 5'3'' tall so he has to.
Howard said he imagines his Coachella outfit as assless chaps and a cowboy hat. David said that's perfect. Howard said the girls out there have to be in good shape. David said they all are.
Howard said it sounds like things are going good for David. Howard said he likes what he's saying. David said it's been a tremendous life. Howard asked what he's doing next. David said he's going to Stage Coach next. He said that's another festival that's more country.
David told Howard that they're working on a Married with Children spin off. Howard said he has a great plot line. Howard said they can have Peg Bundy getting older and her clit gets to be the size of a Edamame. David said if they get on Netflix they can do an adult version of that. Howard said he's going to run off with his idea. He said he finally gets his sister after seeing her naked. Howard said then he goes to Coachella and sees some nip.
Howard asked David if he would rather bang Rihanna or Katy Perry. David said Rihanna. Howard said he's right. He said he is so down with that. David said Katy is pretty but not Rihanna sexy. Howard said Katy can let herself go sometimes. Howard said he saw her Coachella outfit and it was a jumper with flats. Howard said that was not appealing. Howard said that she's on the arm of Orlando Bloom and he has to be upset about that. Howard said he loved his Coachella outfit.
Howard asked if people call him Bud Bundy instead of David. David said he has 10 tour busses that come by his house every day and they all scream out ''Bud'' or they'll sing the ''Love and Marriage'' song. Howard said he's not going to live next to him. David said he had to confront one. He said they were filming him and he went out and said he appreciates them coming by but they can't be singing at the top of their lungs at 11:30 at night. He said he has some neighbors that get upset. He said one neighbor, Brian Singer, built a huge wall because of it.
Howard asked how many extras he fucked at the height of Married with Children. David said he had fun. Robin asked how old he was when he started. He said he was 12 when he stared and 24 when he left. He said it's been good to him. He said he loves what he does and he has a publishing company now. He said it's called Old Scratch Publishing. Howard said he has one too. He didn't but he said he was just trying to get into his trailer.
Howard asked if he remembers Sam Kinison being on Married with Children. David said he still talks about it to this day. He said that it was two of the most fun shows. He said Sam spent so much money on chicks and stuff. He said he loved that guy.
Howard said Katherine Heigl is there. He thought she was coming in at 9. Gary said it was a mistake. Howard said he has to let David go. Howard said he gave a good Coachella report.
Howard said at Coachella is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard took a call from phony Arnold who was talking about how hot the girls are there. Howard spent a minute talking to him about what was going on there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Katherine Heigl is there. He said that's her. Katherine came in and said hi. Howard said she's a big movie and TV star. Katherine said she tries. Howard welcomed her to the show. Howard said she's been in the limelight her whole life. Katherine said sort of. She said not in a significant way until she was in her 20s. Howard said she grew up in Connecticut. Howard said her aunt told her she had a product and took her picture and put her in a commercial. Howard said she sent the picture to an agency and put her in commercials. Katherine said she started out modeling at 9. She said her mom took her out to do that. Howard asked if she would ever do that with her daughter. Katherine said she would not. She said her mom was a saint for putting up with what she put up with. Howard asked if you feel bad about yourself when you're rejected at that age. Katherine said not at all. She said that when she got older it got harder.
Howard said she was modeling at 9 and doing TV commercials at 11. Howard said his fantasy is that if he could have been doing that his life would have been perfect. Howard said he grew up in a shithole called Roosevelt. He said he imagines being in a Cheerios commercial must have made it great for her in school. She said it wasn't like that. She said what she was doing was like prostitution in their minds. She said she grew up in an area that was kind of snobby. She said it was old money and it wasn't the kind of thing they liked. Howard said they want the quiet money where they don't have to work and they don't have to be famous.
Howard asked if it gave her some sense of power making that kind of money as a kid. Howard said she must have been making great money. She said they're great because you make residuals. Katherine said that she didn't really have a moment where she saw herself on TV much. She said she was in a movie at 14 where she was in a thong bathing suit. Howard said she was in a movie with Gerard Depardieu. He said she had to pretend that he was her lover to get a young kid. Howard asked how they convinced her mother to put her in a film with that guy. Katherine said he was tame back then and he was very nice. She said that he was doing the movie in English and he could barely speak the language. Howard said she was only 14 at the time too. Katherine said she was raised Mormon and she tried to convince the director to do a bikini and he said no. She said it was based on a French movie and that's what she had to wear. Howard asked if the boy got jealous in the movie. She said he did. She said the guy was 22 and she was only 14 and it was one of her first kisses. She said it was very strange but it was also a dream come true at the time.
Howard said in this day and age that would never happen. Katherine said she watched it with her 14 year old niece recently and it was really inappropriate. She said that Gerard had his wife and kid there for a while and then they left and he had his mistress there. Howard said that has to be weird for her. Katherine said it was. She said they're all lovely people. Howard said that can mess a kid up.
Howard said the way Katherine got her husband to propose to her is that movie in a way. Howard said she was dating a musician and he was kind of on the fence. She was also dating John Mayer. Katherine said she wasn't dating him. She said he grew up in Connecticut and they had mutual friends. She said they ran into each other and connected on that. She said he was in town in L.A. doing something and they'd hang out. She said they'd have dinner but it wasn't a dating thing. She said she played it smart though and told her husband that if this isn't working out she could go off with John Mayer. Howard said he's proud that she didn't use her father to make him jealous. Howard said that's a strange movie.
Howard said that Katherine is a deeply religious person, right? She said she is more spiritual than religious. She said she doesn't practice the Mormon thing. Howard said her brother died at 15 falling off a truck or something. Howard said her family changed to Mormonism after that. Katherine said they weren't super religious. She said that her brother had Mormon friends but they were there for them and very supportive. She said they brought a sense of faith and support to them and her parents took that seriously. Katherine said they deal with death very well. She said there was a sense of hope that this isn't the end. She said that everyone believes what they want but she believes that her brother exists on some level and she will see him again.
Howard said that Katherine was flat chested when she was young and kids would make fun of her. Katherine said that she developed very quickly when she did start developing. Howard said the boys must have gotten into her after that. Howard said that they were very mean to her before that though. Katherine said she went from a B to a C cup on the set of a movie. She said she was like 15 at the time.
Howard said you look at it on paper and it seems like an amazing life. Howard said she went from 9 and kept going. Howard said her mom was managing her and then she starts acting. Howard said she got ''That Night'' with Juliette Lewis. Katherine said she loves that movie. She said it's a lovely movie. Howard said then she gets the movie with Gerard playing her lover father. Howard said then she's in Under Siege 2. Howard said that Steven Seagal is nuts from what he's heard. Katherine said he wasn't at the time. She said it was a good experience for her. She said her character was a 90s grunge girl and Steven gets her wearing corsets and jeans. She said her mom didn't like that and took him on. She said Steven took her to his house to talk to her. She said he's like 6'5'' and her mom is like 5'3'' and Steven told her that no one fucks with him in his movie. She told him that no one fucks with her daughter either. She said after that they had a very respectful relationship.
Howard asked if she still talks to Steven. She said no but he was very nice. Howard said it was a good shot for her career. Howard said that grossed $100 million.
Howard said Katherine got well known on Grey's Anatomy. Howard said she was also in Bride of Chucky. Katherine said she loved doing that. She said it was hilarious. Howard asked if you should take every movie you should get when you're coming up. Katherine said yes. She said you need the experience. She said that you need the money too.
Howard asked if she took acting lessons. Katherine said she did take some. She said she has had some great acting coaches who gave her great advice. She said you have to be old enough to know when to disregard something that's not working for you.
Howard said it has to be hard going from modeling to acting. Howard said sometimes it doesn't work out. Howard said she was in a movie called Bug Buster with George Takei and some other people from Star Trek. Katherine said they were dumping buckets of cockroaches on her for a nightmare sequence and it was hard.
Howard asked how hard it was to get on Grey's Anatomy. She said it was tough. She said she had no idea how big that was going to be. She said that they had filmed 9 episodes before they even aired 1. She said they weren't sure if they were going to scrap the whole thing or not. She said they had no idea what was going to happen. Howard said the show was an instant hit too. Howard asked how many seasons she did before getting an Emmy. Katherine said it was like 3 seasons. She said it was a big deal for her. She said she has the Emmy in her bedroom. She said she looks at it every morning and thinks about how that really happened.
Howard asked if people treat her differently on set after winning. She said not at all. She said she didn't think she was going to win. She said she cursed when she accepted it. She said she was just so excited over it. She said she was mind blown.
Howard said Katherine was nominated for another Emmy and she took her name out of the running. Katherine said that's not true. She said they did a season she wasn't thrilled with and she didn't want her clips to be submitted. Howard said that's very honest. Howard asked if she didn't feel good about her performance. She said she didn't. She said there were a lot of people on the show and they had to give everyone their juicy moments. She said she's sure it's hard for the writers. She said she took herself out of the whole thing because she wasn't in that many scenes. She said that she was embarrassed by what she did. She said that she didn't think anyone would notice what she was doing. She said she didn't submit and people noticed.
Howard said then she left Grey's Anatomy. Howard said making that move is a big one. Katherine said it was a big deal. Howard said that she had done enough of the other movies and things. Howard said you should hold on to that show. Howard said he would have told her not to let it go. Katherine said her team of people knew she was floundering. She said she adopted a girl from Korea and she came to her a week before she started a movie in Atlanta. She said that she was told not to get her hopes up when she adopted and she figured she could wait. She said she thought she could do it and go through the adoption thing and work. Howard said her mom adopted a Korean girl who is her sister. Howard said that's such a great thing for someone to do. Howard said you're saving someone's life. Howard asked if she's close to her sister. Katherine said she is. She said she always knew that she was going to adopt. She said both of her kids are adopted. Howard said that he is pro choice and he sees all of these pro-life people who never adopt. He said that's just not right.
Howard said Katherine did the movie Knocked Up. She said she did and that lets her work for a few months and then go home and be a mom. Howard said she must think that she should be a movie star. Katherine said it's about the stories and the characters. She said TV is a great steady job. She said in TV you know you have a job for 9 months. She said she did a pilot for a legal drama that they're waiting to her about. Howard said it has to be hard to remember the liens for a show like that. She said it was actually harder than the medical stuff. She said she's not sure why.
Howard said the movie Knocked Up did very well at the box office. Howard said it made $220 million. Howard asked if she keeps up wit that. She said they tell her but she doesn't go out looking for it. Howard said then she opened her mouth about the movie and got into trouble. Katherine said she liked the movie a lot but she didn't like herself in it. She said her character was so judgmental. She said that she went with it and then she did an interview and she said something that was taken out of context. She said that she wasn't saying she hated the movie. She didn't like the way she played the character. Howard said Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow felt blind sided by that. Howard asked if she had to call and say that's not what she meant. Katherine said she did it but did it publicly. She said that she didn't mean to shit on them at all. She said she feels embarrassed by the whole thing so she hasn't written a note or anything.
Howard said he has picked up the phone and apologized to people and it's the best feeling in the world. Howard said some people accept it and some don't. Howard said maybe she doesn't feel like she owes it to them. She said she does feel like she should. Howard said they should call Seth right there. Howard asked if she'd do another one with him. She said she would but she thinks he's really mad at her. She said she ran into him at a restaurant once and she didn't know it was such a big deal. She said Seth and Evan were really mad at her and she could feel it. Howard asked if she walked away from that. Katherine said she walked away giggling. She said it was an immature thing for her to do. Howard said that sucks.
Howard said Katherine formed a production company with her mom and they made some good money with that. Katherine said some of the producer titles she got were vanity things. She said she has done some producing where she was in the editing room and working on things.
Howard said that Katherine is there to sell cat litter. Howard said this is her passion. Howard said she's into dogs and cats and the whole thing. Howard asked what animals she has now. She said she has 7 dogs and 8 cats. Howard said that's a big spread. She said that's why she needs other people involved. Howard said that he sees dogs and cats cuddling and getting along. Katherine said she started her foundation in 2008. Howard said she's got a lot going on. Howard asked if she has the energy for the marriage. Katherine said they have a good routine down. She said the cats are at their barn mostly. She said the dogs are a lot of work. She said they have property that the dogs can roam in. She said they're fenced in. She said they can come into the house and hang with them. Howard said she's a good person for rescuing them. Howard said she'll go to heaven if she's doing all of that.
Howard asked about this foundation she has. She said it's named after her brother that died. She said that they are trying to keep down the number of animals being euthanized. She said it's really intense. Howard said most of the animals will end up in his house. Howard said for years they say spay and neuter but there are a lot out there that aren't.
Howard said she created a kitty litter. Katherine said she is a spokesperson for them. She didn't create it. She said that it's lightweight and it's easy to handle. She said they're dust free too. She said it's strong clumping too. She said it's just what you want for cats. Robin asked what it's made of. Katherine said she has no idea. Howard asked if she cleans the cat pans. She said she does. She said she makes her niece do it sometimes. She said they have ranch managers at their farm too. She said they have a pig and chickens and horses, donkeys and goats too.
Howard asked what the plan is for the TV show. She said she's waiting to hear from CBS about that. Katherine said that they have a good ensemble. She said Laverne Cox is in the show. Howard asked if she can do both shows at the same time. Katherine said she's not sure. She mentioned some of the other people on the show and one of them was Elliot Gould. Howard said he had a reputation for being hard to work with. Howard said now he's having a resurgence. Howard said he's a great actor.
Howard asked Katherine how she stays in shape. She said she was counting calories and she wasn't eating all that much. She said she was only eating 1000 calories a day and she wasn't losing weight. She said she only lost 2 pounds n a month. Howard said you have to keep your body hot to be a leading lady. Katherine said you do have to stay in decent shape. She said she still feels like she has to lose 10 more pounds. Howard said she still sees a fat girl. Howard asked if she suffers from body dysmorphia. She said she does. She said she's getting better with it now. She said she's eating in moderation now. She said that she's doing Yoga now too. Howard asked if she's still smoking. She said she is. Howard said that's going to kill her. Katherine said she started when she was like 25. She said she was told it would help her with her stomach problems. She said she started out slow and then she bought her first pack and she was done.
Katherine said that she quit smoking before Knocked UP and then they wanted her to smoke in the movie and she got hooked again. She said she tried quitting last summer and she got moody. She said she thought she'd try Welbutrin. She said that she had a bad reaction to that and she got obsessive compulsive thinking and got almost suicidal. She had to stop with that. Howard asked if she has thought about hypnosis. She said she's going to do that next. She said she's vaping now but you're still addicted to the nicotine. Howard said he quit smoking and just stopped doing it. Robin said she did meditation to quit. She said that she started doing Transcendental Meditation and they went away. Katherine said she just started meditating and it's just this one thing that's keeping her from having a great life and it's the smoking. Howard said he did the Transcendental Meditation thing when he was 18 and he just stopped doing it. Howard said it worked for him. He said he became annoyed by the smoke going into his lungs.
Howard asked if she ever went to therapy. Katherine said she did start going. She said there was a lot in the papers about her and she had to get over all of that. Katherine said it was a weird time for her. She said she did an independent movie and she was afraid to say anything. She said she wore shoes too small because she was afraid of telling wardrobe that they were too small because she might be considered difficult. Howard asked if therapy is helping. She said it is.
Howard asked if she has a male or female therapist. Katherine said she went to a man but it was only because it was convenient and someone recommended him. Howard asked if she's in psychotherapy. She said she's not sure what that is. Howard asked how many times a week she goes. She said that she's only gone like 5 times in her life. Howard said he was going 4 times a week for years. Howard said he moved in with his psychiatrist. Howard said he found it does help with his anxiety though. Howard said he can't imagine what it was like for her. Howard said for years everyone thought he was out of his mind. He said he had this reputation for being out of his mind. Howard said Katherine was being branded for being like that and it has to be hard to negotiate. Katherine said it is. Howard said that she had to figure out how to repair that image.
Howard said Katherine is going on The View today. Howard asked why she decided not to live with her husband before they got married. Howard said he'd think that it's best to see how it will go first. Katherine said she had never really lived with anyone before. She said she had a boyfriend about 6 months before she met Josh. She said it didn't work out for her. She said Josh had a house in Nashville and he would stay with her when he was in L.A. and it was only like 2 weeks at a time. She said that she didn't want to compromise the way she lives until necessary. She said that they have been together for 8 years now. She said it is hard to live with someone when you first start doing it. She said she started panicking when she got married. She wondered what it was going to be like. Howard asked what kind of annoying things he does. She said he's super messy. She said he'll come in the house and start shedding his clothes. She said that they have had to go to therapy together over that. She said she would have married him regardless of how he lives. Howard said it would make him nuts if Beth was messy. He said she's not and he's not so it works for them.
Howard asked about her husband Josh and his song writing. She said she got to direct a video for his new song. She said that was fun. Howard said she should have him write a song for Seth Rogen. Katherine said she should. Howard said that the key to a long marriage is not going to the bathroom in front of your guy. Katherine said she never does. She said she'll ask him not to come upstairs if she's in the bathroom. Howard said it's best not to announce it. He said she should just do it and keep it quiet.
Howard said that Katherine is there promoting Cat's Pride litter. He said you can find out more at CatsPride.com. Howard said he likes that she's so into animals.
Howard asked who she brought with her today. Katherine said her mother is there and her husband is there too. She said her manager is there as well. Howard said he should have had her husband come in to sing. She said he's always singing so he should have. Howard said he will get her Seth and Judd's info so she can apologize to them. Katherine said she should do that. Howard said he's sure that Seth will get over it. He said he'll just laugh with that laugh of his. Howard asked Fred to play it but he didn't have it there. Howard went to break a short time later. They played a clip of Jeff the Drunk singing with Willie Nelson as they went to break.
Howard said all next week on Sternthology they're going to be celebrating 20 years of Sal. Howard said he's been with them for 20 years. Howard said they're going to celebrate his many moments on the show. Howard said he was hypnotized and thought he was a turtle once. Howard said that will happen all next week on Howard 101.
Howard said he has a couple of highlights. He had Sal's apology for his racist comments that they tricked him into making. Howard said Sal became an employee there in 2004 but he had called in for years before. Howard said Sal was sick with a cold and running around with his megaphone in the halls. He said that Sal fucked up a lot when he started there. Howard said Sal and Richard took the megaphone and started walking around the hall with it. Howard said he almost fired him for that. Howard said he's got a germ phobia and Sal is using it. Howard played a clip where he went off on Sal for using it.
Howard said Sal emailed his wife once. Howard said he forgot about this. He said he mentioned on the air that Beth had a computer problem and Sal emailed her. Howard played a clip where he was going off on Sal for sending that note to his wife. Howard said there was a time when Sal thought he could stay at his apartment. Howard said this was remarkable to him. He said he's getting worked up thinking about all of this. Howard said the remarkable thing is that Sal thought it was legitimate that he'd have him at his apartment during a snow storm. Howard said Sal didn't ask anyone else, just him. Howard played another clip where they were talking about that on the show. Artie Lange was cracking up as Sal explained himself. He wanted to stay in his guest room and drive to work with him the next morning.
Howard said they had an engineer named Thom who walked in on Sal masturbating in his office. Howard played a clip of himself talking about that with Sal. Howard said there are so many moments to celebrate. Howard said Bobby Flay the chef came up and Sal told him that he had a hamburger at his restaurant and it tasted like vagina. Howard said they don't let Sal near the guests because of things like that. Sal explained that it was a compliment that his burgers taste like vagina.
Howard said they're celebrating 20 years of Sal and he used to jerk off at McDonald's after he was caught at work. Howard said Robin used to jerk off at home all weekend but it's not okay to do it at work. Howard said Sal once stole Ace Frehley's number from a release he signed. Sal said he asked for it and Jason said no. He didn't get the number. He said he didn't steal it. Gary said Sal went to the releases and took the information. Sal said he didn't. Howard said he did. Jason said he absolutely did and he caught him rifling through the releases. Howard said he should have been fired that day. Sal said he has changed tremendously. Howard said he told Russell Simmons that he was the white devil too. Sal said he did. He said this is some anniversary. He said he wants to blow his brains out.
Howard asked Sal how he changed. Sal said it took time. He said he's learned. He said he just wanted to go all out when he got there. Howard said he once told Jon Stewart that his jokes weren't that funny. Sal said that was in his first week working there. Howard asked why he thinks he can do that to Jon Stewart. Sal said that he thinks about what Howard would do. Howard said he wouldn't insult the guy. Sal said his brain can't make the connection.
Gary said that Sal walked up to Jon Stewart and told him he loved him in Meet the Parents. Sal didn't remember doing that. Howard said Sal once walked up to a guest and said he wanted to be her toilet paper. Sal said he did. He said he's learned not to do that kind of thing anymore. He said he knows not to do that now.
Howard said Gary prepared a roast for Sal. Howard had him come in and do his roast. Gary came in and said he thinks he deserves this. Gary said Sal looks like Bin Laden fucked a raccoon. He said he looks like one of Chris Brown's ex-girlfriends. Gary also said that he was born with fucked up teeth but Sal paid $6,000 for his. Gary goofed on his hair transplants and about his relationship with his wife. Gary said that he's getting a vision and it's Sal's wife and she's still not fucking him. Gary said they built a wing for Sal in the building and it's called Human Resources. Gary asked if Sal was crying. He said oh wait, that's Larry Caputo's cum on his face. Howard thanked Gary for that and Sal told Gary to go back to doing nothing.
Howard said he has a congratulatory message from Tan Mom. Howard played that and Tan Mom said it's been so crazy. She said he's a sexual animal. She said she loves him so much. Tan Mom said she thinks he's sexy too.
Howard said to top off the anniversary they called a race relations internet radio show. Howard said they also called an internet radio show with clips of Sal singing the song about his wife. Howard said they'll listen to that one. Howard played the call that they made to this show as Sal's wife. The caller played Sal singing his song about wanting to beat his wife and throwing her down a stairwell. The hosts of the show were asking ''What the hell?'' They said it was time to give him his walking papers. They told the woman to pack her bags and run.
Howard said the audio of that show is horrible. Then they have a wife in distress and they drop the call. Howard said that the anniversary special will air all next week on Howard 101.
Howard played another phony phone call they made to an internet radio show about race relations. They played Sal's comments about a white chick having a black child and then playing his apology in another call. The people on the show thanked him for the apology. They cut him off but then they called back with more of his apology. They called in multiple times with his apology clips.
Howard said he's so proud of those clips. Howard said all next week they'll be celebrating Sal only on Howard 101. Howard said you'll be going ''Wow! What an asshole.'' Howard said there's so much more with Sal. Howard asked him to spell frustrated. Sal eventually spelled it correctly but he did start off with ''FRUSTERATED.'' Howard wrapped up with Sal and then went to break.
Howard played some of the Nick Cannon thing he was talking about. Howard said this isn't the Nick he knows from America's Got Talent. Howard said this whole poetry thing he's not sure if it's a thing that black people like. Robin said they like spoken word in rapping. Robin said Nick was into the battles. Howard said he wants to see if he can get into the whole poetry thing. Howard listened to more of Nick's thing and asked if Robin does this secretly. Robin said oh yes, of course. Howard asked if Robin likes this. Robin quickly said no. Howard said he thinks this is from an overdose of pussy. Howard said Nick should keep the Kenny G sax sound down. Howard said then he throws in the N-word. He said someone on America's Got Talent shouldn't be doing that. He said it does wake him up though.
Howard had Fred play him some music like that so he can try to get into the spoken word thing. Howard did his own version of what Nick was doing. Howard said he might be good at this. He can't use the N-word though. He asked if there is someone he can call to get permission from. Robin said that if he did he'd only be able to use it in certain areas.
Howard did more of his poetry and used ''Kike'' instead of the N-word. He was having some issues with rhyming though. Howard threw in some ''Whitey's on the Moon'' lines too. Sal called in as Al Sharpton to give him permission to use the N-word. Howard hung up on him as soon as he heard Sal's impression of Al.
Howard kept going with the spoken word thing and talked about riding in his limo with Ronnie and putting up the partition. Robin said she likes this but she's not sure she would leave home to see it. Howard eventually gave up and played more of Nick's stuff. Howard got inspired to do more so he did more material about the show. He said this is his art form and he finally found something he can do.
Howard played more of John talking and breaking up as he's talking about his parents. Robin said this can't be real crying. Stamos was talking about his parents and treasuring this moment. Howard said he's not going to tell him it's a bullshit award. Howard said it means something to him. Howard said it's a very important award for him. Howard said they should give John an award and see if they can get him to cry. Howard said they'll give him an Actor's Excellence Award. Howard said if they did that it would be worth more than the TVLand award but John wouldn't take it because it's them. Howard said he should be getting the Tons of Pussy Award. Howard said he shouldn't be ruining it for John. He said shame on him.
Howard played a clip of Michael Strahan making his announcement and not mentioning Kelly. Gary said he loves both of them but Michael comes there and Kelly doesn't. JD came in and said at the end he did thank Kelly.
Howard said if he was Kelly he'd go to another outlet and drop this show. Howard said she can go to another network and make something happen. Howard said she shouldn't be blind sided by her own network. Howard said she should leave. Howard said they have to go through another co-host thing with that show now. Howard said Howie Mandel flew in to be her co-host for weeks and then he didn't get the job. Howard said that's rough.
Howard played some of Michael Strahan's announcement. He talked about how he hopes he can come back to co-host sometimes. Howard said Kelly is livid over this. He said she's upset about Disney blind siding her with the announcement. Howard said that she never got a call from Bob Iger about it. Howard said Bob has to keep that shit going. Howard read that they've lost a lot of their audience. over the past year. He said he didn't know that.
Gary said that Gellman sat down with Kelly at the same time they made the announcement. He may have known. Gary said he got to tell her at the same time the announcement was made. Gary said it's like when Howard and Robin were fired from NBC by different people.
Gary said he's not sure why they weren't in the same room when he made the announcement. Howard said he heard Kelly never liked him. Howard said she doesn't like that Disney did this behind her back.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was talking about how he's thinking about Kelly and Michael now. He said he's thinking about that big black cock going into that white pussy. Howard wondered if it's true that when you have a baby vaginally that the vagina becomes bigger. Robin said your hips get wider. Howard said he likes that Robin has kept it tight. Howard asked if the caller came yet. Howard said maybe that was Sour Shoes. Benjy said that's what he thought. He said it was his voice. Howard had already hung up on him.
Howard said he loves when people in show business get upset. He said they have nothing to be upset about. Robin said nothing has happened in her world. Howard said it's like you don't want to think that people were plotting against you behind your back. Howard said he gets why she'd be upset. Howard said not everyone can get 3.5 million people to watch you at that time of morning. Howard said she probably wants an excuse to quit anyway. Robin said she thinks she likes that gig. Robin said she had a sitcom for a while but that didn't last long.
Howard said they should get to the news so they can get out of there. He said he doesn't care about this story as long as they have their jobs. Howard said Kelly and Michael should sit down and smoke a doob together. Howard said maybe she's getting her panties in a joint so she can get a gift from Disney. Howard said he doesn't have to take shit from anyone. He said if they want to fire him go ahead. He doesn't care. Howard did a live commercial read and then took a quick commercial break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Supergirl jumped the shark this week. Howard said he's sick of her not being able to kill anyone. He said she has super powers but she can't kill anyone. Howard said she punches like a guy from Krypton. Howard said she has heat vision and super cold breath and she doesn't use it. Howard said she should be able to kill anything with those powers. He said he'd love to see her be able to kill people in the show. Robin said that's what was great about the old Superman TV shows. Robin said now the super hero has to get beaten to a pulp before they succeed. Howard said even the Flash is too slow now. Howard said the movies get it right but the TV shows don't. Howard said he liked the last Fantastic 4 movie. He said they didn't do very well at the box office though. Robin said maybe people are getting tired of all of that.
The caller said he thinks that the Steve Miller song he was talking about last week was Wild Mountain Honey. Howard said that wasn't it. He said he has to get Steve in there. He said he has to talk to him about blasting the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said he felt bad for the Black Keys when Steve miller said he didn't ask for them.
Robin got to her news and read about AC/DC and Brian Johnson making a statement about why he's not in the band. Howard said he was pushed out. Robin said not according to him. Howard said there's something else going on there. He said maybe his hearing has something to do with it. Howard said he has to get Brian on the phone to talk about it. He said he has to talk to Bob Iger about why he didn't tell Kelly Ripa that Michael was leaving. Howard said he knows Bob and he probably won't tell him now but he'd like to know. He did his own Bob Iger impression and had a conversation with him about Kelly and Michael. Howard said he'd just put Nick Cannon on with Kelly. Howard had Bob in his office getting his ass eaten by a woman with Mouse ears on. Howard had Bob talking about how he could put Megyn Kelly on and still call the show Live with Kelly. Howard went on like that for quite a while. He was talking about setting Robin up with Michael Strahan. Robin said he's got a girlfriend already. Howard had Bob turning Syria into Disneyland and things like that too. He said he told J.J. Abrams to change his name to J.J.J. Abrams and he did it. He said that's how powerful Bob is. Howard got out of it and said they really should have told Kelly Ripa about what was going on.
Robin read more about Brian Johnson and AC/DC. Robin said he can still work in the studio but not in stadiums. Robin said he says he's not retiring.
Robin read a story about Jared Fogle who was the Subway spokesperson who was busted for kiddie porn. Howard said he fucked his life up. He said he had a perfect situation and he couldn't control himself. Robin said he was given a greater sentence than his legal team bargained for. Robin said he's trying to get his sentence reduced. Robin said the judge was so offended by his behavior that he gave him more time than expected. Robin said now they're releasing some of his texts. Robin had some of those and read them to Howard. Robin said he would create relationships with escort services and then start soliciting for them to find him underage lovers. Robin said he was going for boys or girls. Howard said that's odd. Howard said you must know not to do that on the internet. Howard said you'd think he'd know that. Robin said he was so obsessed that he did it in a bunch of locations. Robin said he was obsessive. Howard said you'd think he'd fly to Thailand like the other perverts. Robin said she thinks he did. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said David Spade was really good on Ellen's show. Howard said he's really funny. He said if you want to know how to be funny on a talk show watch that.
Robin got back to the Jared Fogle story and read more about what he was up to. Howard said just do what Fred does and fuck older girls who look young.
Robin said that Dax Shepard revealed that he was molested as a child. Robin said it took him 12 years to tell anyone. Robin said he was molested by a 19 year old when he was just 7. Robin said he recently talked about this in an interview and it had a big impact on him. Howard said he knew guys who were molested and they always questioned their sexuality. Robin said Dax had some drug and alcohol abuse problems. Robin said they say that can come from being molested.
Howard said he's kind of lucky he's so ugly that no one wanted to molest him. Robin said he was a very cute little boy. Howard said he wore short shorts with his balls hanging out but no one was interested. Howard said no one was ever inappropriate with him. Howard said he met Jerry Sandusky when he was a kid and he told him to cover up.
Robin said imagine you're trying to get pregnant and it's not working so you look for a sperm donor and you find the reputable sperm banks you might go to and then you reach out and they tell you they have a great one for you. Then you take that sperm and create a baby with it. Howard said he'd just wipe one of JD's t-shirts on his pussy. Robin said 14 years later you find out the donor is not the great guy you were told he was. Robin said you find out it's a criminal. Howard said that shouldn't even be an option. Howard said they should all be 10s at a sperm bank. Howard said this story is unbelievable. Robin said this guy is schizophrenic. Howard said those assholes. Howard said people come looking for perfection and they end up with a schizophrenic guy. Robin said 3 families are suing over this. Howard said they never should have had that sperm to begin with. Robin said the guy was a drop out and he had schizophrenia. Howard said that's a horror. Robin said they said that he had an IQ of 160 and a clean health history. Howard said they should start a sperm bank. He said that they could give them Beetlejuice's sperm and end up with a baby with a small head. Howard asked Robin who on the staff she'd have a baby with. Robin said ''Oh god...'' and had to think about that. Howard said his kids are good looking. He said that was a stroke of luck. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has Seth Rogen on the phone to celebrate 4/20. Howard took the call from fake Seth who said he's smoking a joint but the audio cut off. Howard said that's his staff back there. Howard said don't use the sperm of any of the staff back there. Howard asked what happened. Robin asked if the phones just went down. Gary said they're trying to get them back up now. Howard said he doesn't want him now.
Robin asked what the average age of a dog is. Howard said he'd say between 7-10 years. Robin said she thinks that's low. Robin said it's actually 15-16. Howard said he was low. Robin said he had a dog that had a low life expectancy. Robin said it's amazing that on Sunday a man lost his 30 year old dog. Robin said she was likely the oldest dog in the world. Howard said it's good in a way that they don't live that long. Howard said when a dog doesn't have an owner they're put down. Robin said the man said the dog was doing fine just a few days before she died. Robin said it just started having problems just a few days before she died. Howard said if you're on FOX News you can't even be 30.
Robin read about comedian Chris Fleming releasing a video about rescue dog owners and how they sound when they talk about their pets. Robin had some audio of that. Howard didn't get it and cut it off. Howard said it's not that funny. Robin said he wasn't listening that closely.
Robin read a story about Clarence Thomas. Robin said they recently had a show on HBO about him. Robin said one of his old girlfriends is saying that he was a man-scaping person who was into threesomes. Howard said every guy is like a dog. He said they'll do weird shit sexually. Howard said he'd guess that every Supreme Court Justice man-grooms. Robin read about some of the other things that this woman says about Thomas. Howard had a porn clip of what Clarence might have sounded like. Robin had a lot of details about what Thomas was like as a lover. The woman claimed that he showered so much that his shoulders were chapped. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a professor in Alaska who was teaching mountaineering and got mauled by a bear. Robin said he was teaching the kids about mountaineering and a bear mauled the guy. Robin said she had two cubs and that's how they get. Howard said he doesn't go hiking anymore. He said he's not going to get mauled by a bear. Howard said that's the kind of job you see people on the Bachelor have. Howard said people waste their parent's money with such bullshit. He said that even clown college makes more sense. He said way to waste your parent's money. He said he hopes every mountaineering teacher gets mauled by a bear. Howard said he just stays home and goes for a walk every once in awhile. Howard said a bear would have to go through 30 people before he'd get to him. Howard said he sees these hippy kids who waste their parent's money. Howard said shame on you. He said he can just imagine the lecture he'd get from his father if he did that. Howard said Gary told him that his son is taking a Beatles appreciation class. Gary said he is. He said he's a senior though. He said May Pang was a guest in the class. Howard said the kid isn't a slacker. He's signed up for basket weaving next semester. Robin said Gary could have taken him upstairs and had him appreciate the Beatles.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that the poem Nick Cannon read was for his daughter. She said maybe when she grows up it'll be in style. Howard said he has to sit him down with John Stamos and talk to them both.
Howard asked Gary what he's paying for his son to learn about the Beatles. Gary said it's a lot. Howard said it's got to be 30-40,000 a year. Gary said he's not far off. Howard said he should make him drop that class immediately. Howard said maybe it'll pay off. Howard said he'd rather learn to work a switchboard or whatever is comparable today. Howard said he'd rather be a phone operator than a Beatles expert. Howard said he thinks Hanzi took one of those courses. Howard said that's why he's in his parent's basement. Howard said the world is so fucked up.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton winning in the New York primary last night. Robin had some audio of a guy from Barry University commenting on that. Howard got a laugh out of that when he heard Barry University. Howard said he has to take a bow again. He said he called it from the start. He said he knew it was going to be Trump and Clinton. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about his victory. Robin had some audio of Trump's kids talking about his win. Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about her win as well.
Robin read about how Pat Boone got upset with a sketch they did on Saturday Night Live this week. Robin said he says that they owe an apology to people who believe in god. Robin said they did a parody of a movie he has out now. Howard said he saw the sketch and they don't owe anyone any apology.
Robin read a story about Chelsea Handler putting up a selfie for Maria Sharapova where she's almost naked. Howard said Rihanna just put up one where she's almost naked. Howard asked Gary to put that up so he can look at it again.
Robin read a story about a man who was in prison for 20 years for a crime he didn't commit. Robin said he was just released yesterday. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how he didn't think it would take 22 years to get out. Howard said he just realized he missed all 20 years of Sal on this show.
Robin said the Governor of Michigan is going to drink the water from Flint, Michigan but the Mayor said that this isn't going to help. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said he takes the shavings from a pencil and wraps it up and throws it away so he won't get lead poisoning.
Robin read about scientists studying Freddy Mercury's voice to figure out why it's so popular. Howard said he was just born with it. Howard said they should study Robin's voice. Howard said what if they find out he had a great voice from blowing guys. Robin said they found that his vocal chords move faster than normal. Fred played some Robin singing clips while they were talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Jon and Gary talked about Howard's obsession with what's going on with Kelly and Michael. Jon said Michael Strahan is going to join Good Morning America. He said Kelly didn't show up for work today so they had Ana Gasteyer sitting in for her. Gary said it seems like they weren't prepared for Kelly not to come in today. He said that Ana is very funny but it seems like they had to scramble to get someone.
Dave said he's really upset about that. He said they have such chemistry. He said he wants in and wants that job though. Gary said he would say Michael's rise has been meteoric. They spent a little time talking about how he got to where he is. They went over the story and wondered why ABC did things they way they did. Gary said he has met Kelly and her husband many times and they're very nice. He said that he did say that Michael does their show though so he hopes that hasn't ruined it.
Jon asked Rahsaan about what they have in the poll today. Rahsaan said next week is the celebration of 20 years of Sal. He said they're asking what your favorite Sal moment is and they have the following four choices. Here are the choices:
Gary and Jon talked about Sal's many fuck ups and Gary said that they have tape of Sal telling Jon Stewart he liked him in a movie he wasn't in. Gary said Sal denies doing that but the have the tape. Gary said the thing that makes him laugh the hardest is the time Sal asked to stay with Howard at his apartment. He said everything about that story was fucked up. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Katherine talked about the movie she was in with Gerard Depardieu. He said it was a weird movie. Dave asked what movie this is because he thinks he has to see it. Gary said she pretends she's vacationing with her older boyfriend but it's actually her dad. Jon said he thought she did a great job today. He said he thought she was a great guest.
Jon brought up Sal again and asked Gary if he's voting for that sleep over thing. Gary said he is. He said Sal has a revisionist thing going on today. Jon said his favorite moment was Sal's apology. He had the guys play some of that apology tape.
Jon said that works on every comedic level. Gary said the part you don't hear is Sal saying he doesn't know what the fuck to say to these people. He said he wasn't sincere about it at all. Jon said Sal wasn't sincere from the start. Gary said Sal had been working there for at least 6 years before doing that. Jon said they could do an hour long show on that alone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks they're being hard on Sal. He said they might have to give him a ''traction'' on this. Gary said there have been so many moments with Sal. He said he's like Robert De Niro with his moments. He said there are too many to choose just one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's not possible to be too hard on Sal. He said Sal probably thought that things were going to be different on the show. He said he thought he was going to be buddies with Howard and then he isn't and he just can't help himself. Gary said he thinks Sal thought he was going to show up there and things were going to be like you hear on the air. He said he was there for 3 days and he called Tom, his boss, a douche bag. He said he hears them doing that on the air and thinks he can do it.
Dave asked why Sal thought he could stay with Howard. Gary had to explain the story to him. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Dave if he's ever had that. Dave said he was offered one of Katherine's leftover muffins. He said it's one of the best things to happen to his family. Gary said he'll be leaving with a free box of kitty litter too.
Jon said Medicated Pete is going to come up to show Robin something soon. Gary said he's going to show her his dick. He said that's going to be awesome. Gary said his mind just went to a weird place. He said they once had Robin do a painting of the balls for St. Patrick's Day and Robin went down the line and wiped green paint on 18 guy's balls.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought about Johnny Depp's apology sounding similar to Sal's. Gary said Johnny looked like he had a gun to his head. He said Sal was making people believe what he was saying.
Jon congratulated Gary on his roast of Sal today. Gary said he loved the joke about the part of the building being dedicated to Sal and calling it Human Resources. Gary said he forgot about the time Sal got caught masturbating. He said Sal's excuse was his locked the door as if that made it okay.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that the Racist apology had 58 percent of the votes and Asking to stay with Howard had 36 percent. He said the other two weren't even close.
Jon got in some plugs for today's ''Stonethology'' for 4/20 day. They wrapped up and ended the show around 12:05pm.
Jon said Greg was also a technical director on Private Parts. He had to build working radio stations for the movie. He said it was a lot of fun but it was the hardest work he's ever done.
Jon asked Greg how Gary took it when he was getting goofed on back at WNBC. Greg said he took it very well actually. Gary said he didn't take a lot of it back then. He said it was worse at K-Rock.
Jon said you have to have a thick skin to be on the Howard Stern Show. Gary said it's been going on a long time. Jon said they were playing clips from his audio book after playing some of Robin's audio book. Jon asked if anyone sounds good reading an audio book. Jon said Howard has never done one. He said it takes something special to do that. Rachel said that Howard has some velvet in his voice. Gary said Howard started to do it with Private Parts the book but he was doing it like a radio show. He said they got halfway through the first chapter and realized how much work it was and gave up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about them getting upset when people ask ''Hi, how are you doing'' and why don't they have the screeners just tell people to get right to their questions? Jon said if people want to call in they should know Howard doesn't want to hear that. Jon said Howard wants everyone to get to the point. Gary said they do tell them not to ask but people get nervous. Jon said it's all about the momentum of the show. He said that you get in the way of the flow of conversation. He said if you call any show you just act like you're sitting in there with them.
Gary said they used to do a ''One question and one question only'' thing with the callers and they'd call in and say ''Am I on the air'' and that was their one question so they'd get hung up on. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Greg when he sensed that Howard was going to be the next big thing. Greg said he remembers listening and he would do his caller beratement and he'd call people a jackass. He said then he cut it off and called them an ass and it was something you didn't say on the air. He said he though it was amazing that the world didn't blow up and people didn't really care. Gary said Howard once said he was going to name his kid ''Smegma'' if it was born a boy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Howard is just being a bully to Gary. He said it's a turn off to him the way the group treats Gary now. Gary said he doesn't feel bullied by Howard. He said there is no shortage of people there who are afraid of repercussions from anyone there. Jon said there are no consequences there if you do. Jon said Jason may think twice about it but it's encouraged on the show. Gary said Jason said something the other day about how he would love to jump on it and bash Gary but he didn't hear what Howard heard when he was clearing his throat.
Jon said sometimes Gary's feelings are hurt and he can't let people know that or he'll get it even more. Gary said he may feel like crap when he comes to work and then the next day you're in a great mood and things just roll off your back. They went to break a short time later.
Jon talked to Greg more about being roommates with Gary and Rachel about her roommates.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard's OCD is getting worse. He said he talked about not being able to go to the bathroom at a play. Gary said that's more about him worrying about going into a bathroom and someone seeing his dick or wanting to shake his hand. Rachel said it is disgusting. She said she didn't know how men pissed in the big trough at baseball stadiums. She said that her dad brought her in when she was a child and she saw it and she'll never be able to rinse it from her mind. Gary and Jon said they have done it and they don't like it but they don't have much of a choice. Gary said he doesn't do it anymore but he used to when he was more anonymous.
Jon asked if Howard would ever go to Coachella. Gary said the idea of flying out there is a pain in the ass to him. Jon said you have to do a lot of moving around too. He said Howard might not be up for that. Gary said he's been to the Governor's Ball and you do have to go around to a lot of different stages.
Jon asked Rachel about Coachella. Rachel said she doesn't think she's like going either. She said she gets disgusted by men wearing jewelry and things like that. Gary asked what she thinks about the man bun. She said she gets ill thinking about that too.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up political correctness and people taking things out of context with comedians these days. Rachel said it is a problem and she has had things taken out of context and people don't get the irony when you say certain things. They spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Jon said that Greg was there at WNBC when Howard was doing things that would upset people. Gary asked if Greg remembers any of the times Howard was suspended. Greg said the people who worked there really hated him. He said no one on management would come to his rescue.
Jon got in plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up. They ended the show around 12:00pm.
Jon said David also worked on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' Jon said Larry came on the show last year or the year before. He said people have talked about how similar Larry and Howard are. David said that there was one season where Larry comes to New York and Larry's apartment was in Howard's building. He said that they saw Howard a few times and Howard probably didn't recognize Larry at the time. David said he was listening to Howard one day and he did an interview with Rosie O'Donnell and Howard asked her about the kind of women she was attracted to. He said they inspired an episode for Curb where Larry runs into Rosie and she tells him she just met someone and it turns out they met the same woman. He said that was all due to the Stern Show. Gary said that's great. He said the show is so amazing.
Gary said Jerry Seinfeld used to do the show a lot and people would ask them to pass along scripts because they thought it was so easy to write. David said they would ask for spec scripts and ask for ideas. He said that you'd see terrible ideas and then you find one that's interesting and it's something that really happened. David said in his Seinfeld episodes the Man Hands thing was based on a real thing. He said his wife has what he calls farm hands. He said they're very rough. Gary said he's shocked that his wife lets him out her for that. David said she sort of can't stop him from that now. He said it was a modern day love sonnet to her at the time. He said there was another one where Kramer became the Moviefone guy. He said that was based on a story from college. David said that up in Boston people would make mistakes calling that number all the time. He said that's where that came from. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said for years he got email saying that they have to meet. Jon said it has happened a couple of times and they were great interviews.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have ever seen a similarity between Kramer and Sour Shoes. He said they look similar. Gary said he thinks he's trying to bang a round peg into a square hole. He said he doesn't see it. He said they both have dark hair and that's about it.
The guys talked about how New York has changed over the years. David said he lives out in California now and he comes back to visit and he's shocked by how Times Square has changed. Gary said it's now built for people who are used to chain restaurants. Gary said Richard Christy eats Papa John's pizza instead of the pizzeria stuff. Jon said Richard didn't grow up there so that pizza means something to him because that's what he grew up with. David said a lot of the good pizza places are gone now because they've been replaced by a CVS or a Duane Reade or something. He said it's not even easy to get good Chinese these days. Gary said the things that bother him are Sketchers and Bubba Gump Shrimp.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Veep and if it's a coincidence the pathetic assistant on the show is named Gary. David said he believes it is a coincidence. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon said Gary took a flight with Howard and it's not like he's ever brought that up. Gary told him to shut up. Gary said there's reality and Howard's reality. He said he fell asleep on the Red Eye. He said it wasn't a 10 o'clock in the morning flight. He said he fell asleep like everyone else on the flight did. Jon said Howard moved him up to talk about his Arsenio show appearance though. Gary said the way it happened for him and the way it happened for Howard were the same thing but they weren't reading each other's signals. Gary said Howard asked if he wanted to be bumped up to first class. Gary said he told him he was going to sleep the whole way home so he didn't have to do that. Gary said that might have been the first time he flew in first class. He said he felt weird about taking his money. Gary said he was tired and they talked for a little bit and he fell asleep. Gary said he was probably asleep before they took off and up before they landed.
Jon said that happened a long time ago and it still comes up. Gary said he's been married for 24 years so it has to be longer than that. He said it might be 30 years ago.
Jon said they're doing 20 years of Sal Governale next week on Sternthology. Gary said Sal is a real life Ralph Kramden. He said he's his own worst enemy. Jon said all next week they have that special going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his wife said the same thing about Sal being Ralph Kramden. He asked David a show about Seinfeld and David spent a little time talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they talked about Richard Christy. He said he gets a whole Papa John's pie for his birthday. He said he wonders why he eats that pizza and if Sal and Richard have done any new prank calls lately. Jon said they do new calls all the time. He said they'll play them doing their thing every day. Jon said Richard only eats Papa John's for his birthday. He actually tries a lot of different food. He's become more well rounded since he got married.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 12:00pm.