Howard started the show singing along with his opening theme song and not knowing the words. He said he knows the feeling though. Howard said he woke up this morning and the daylight savings time thing happened and he didn't like it. Robin said she didn't either. Howard said he hated it.
Howard said he has a lot to talk about this morning. He said he should play Elephant Boy introducing their guest for today. He had a clip of him saying Sally Field will be on the show today. Howard said he's so excited about her coming in today. Howard said sometimes the studios will make him watch a movie. He said if he doesn't like the movie he'll just not talk about it. That's kind of code for him not liking something. Howard said he was asked to watch the new Sally Field movie. Howard said he watched the trailer and thought it was going to be the worst fucking movie. Howard said he swears this is true. He said he doesn't bullshit anyone. Howard said he watched the trailer and it was an old woman falling for a younger guy. Howard said he showed Beth the trailer and she didn't want to watch it. Howard said the happy ending is that the movie was so good Beth doesn't want to ever watch another movie. Howard said he thinks Sally is going to win an Academy Award. Howard said she is terrific in it and it's so charming. Howard said he's happy she's coming in.
Howard said he remembers being in high school watching her on Gidget. He said maybe he was even younger. Howard said he's not sure but it was a big deal to him. He said she was hot. Howard said she was a surfing teenager and she was in a bikini. Howard said the bikini was huge but it was a bikini. He said she was really cute and he wanted her. Howard said he remembers her on the Flying Nun too. Howard said Gidget was only one season. Howard talked about some of the characters on that show. Howard said that show was his life. Howard said he has only beat off to one nun and that was Sister Bertrille in the Flying Nun.
Howard said he remembers using the song Bitch's Crystal in his college film. Howard played some of that too. Howard said Keith was 71 years old. Robin said she read that he was reading a lot of his twitter feed and he was upset by the negativity. Howard said he has stopped reading his. He said it's depressing. Howard said he thinks they did something good and he's tempted to go on but he can't.
Howard said he was roasted his whole life. He said his father would yell at him. He did an impression of his dad going off on him. He said it was so emasculating and feminizing. The caller was laughing at that. Howard told her to keep laughing at his pain. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he should be saying happy birthday to Gary. His birthday is today. Howard said Gary always gets him a lovely birthday gift. He said he got Gary something that should be arriving tomorrow. Howard said it's a really good one. He said that he'd like to put a moratorium on getting gifts. Gary said they can do that. Howard said Gary is very good at it but he thinks they're too old to be doing that. Gary said he agrees. Howard said he'll always get something for Robin though. Howard said he has to stop with the gifts. He said that Gary gets him books and buys him a house. He said he goes way overboard. Howard said save your money. He said lets stop the aggravation. Howard said he has to shop for this stuff.
Howard said he put together a few things for Gary. He has a 55 ''Hello, hello'' salute that they put together. Howard played that and it was Gary saying ''Hello, hello'' a bunch of times.
Howard said Sal is prepared to roast Gary for his birthday. Howard played a song parody about Gary's birthday. He played a clip of Michael Rapaport roasting Gary.
Howard said in honor of Gary's birthday he has a phony phone call. He asked Robin which one she wanted to hear. He gave her a few choices. Robin suggested a list that Howard said he had of the things that bother the staff about Gary. Howard had her pick a phony phone call first. They went with a call where they had fake Michael Caine call into a show. In that one the guys called a radio show with clips of fake Michael Caine telling them it's his birthday and he shares it with Gary Dell'Abate and described him as a man whose face is ghastly and ended up cursing so the hosts hung up on him. They called back and had Michael Caine telling them more things about Gary. They called in a few more times and got hung up on.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody from James Cargill. Howard said that Michael Rapaport really hates Gary. Howard said they had Sour Shoes call Michael and he's so good at his impression that it sounds like Gary. Howard said Gary doesn't hear it but it's really an amazing impression. Howard said they called Rapaport and Sour stayed in character. Howard said when Rapaport heard Gary he went off on him in a really vicious way. Howard played the clip and Sour called Michael and tells him that he's great on the show but he keeps digging at him and he goes too far. He said there are some repercussions. Sour says that the guys are losing some respect for him and he's kind of going over the top with his comments. Michael told him not to call him with that shit. Michael said he tries to elevate that show and this is what he gets from them. Sour said he shits all over them. Michael said it's a shit show. He told him to take a walk to the zoo, get a flea bath and call him back. Sour Gary and Michael went back and forth with some insults for a couple of minutes. Michael said he doesn't need this bullshit. He said they're ungrateful fucks and don't call him back with this bullshit.
Howard played another song parody about Gary for his birthday. Gary came in and Howard said Michael really hates him. Gary said that's just the way they talk to each other. Howard said there has to be some hate there. Gary said they call each other names. He said he didn't know they were making that call and he got an email from a friend who heard them arguing. He said he didn't know what he was talking about because he didn't know about the call. Gary said Michael was out getting coffee when he got that call. Howard said he has a song where Michael is singing about Gary. Howard played that and Michael was singing about Gary's birthday and how he doesn't care about him.
Howard said that Gary thinks Michael doesn't hate him but he got a note saying that he's been texting Sal all week about how he doesn't like Gary. Howard said Sal is going to roast Gary later. He said no one has seen his material yet though.
Howard said they asked the staff what they dislike about Gary. He said some people shared the same thing. He said Fred says that Gary always hijacks the conversation. Fred said he said that long ago and he still thinks that's the case. Howard said he never realized it until about a year ago. Howard said he saw him do that with his wife.
Howard said Robin said she doesn't like when Gary tells a long story that doesn't go anywhere. Howard said Jason said that Gary will tell them a story to try it out on them before trying it out on Howard. Howard said Sal says he'll walk out in the middle of a conversation. He said it's always a one sided conversation.
JD says that Gary insults and teases him in a different way than the other people there. Howard said Gary can't be like the other guys there. Howard said Gary can't be like that. Gary said he just told the entire staff to talk about what they don't like about him. Howard said this is so he can improve.
Howard said Jon Hein said he hates when Gary prematurely ejaculates on his back. Howard said it's actually about how Gary talks about the Jets and Mets before the season even starts. Howard said Richard said that Gary won't admit that he likes teenage porn or admitting he likes licking ass. Howard said he doesn't get that. Robin said Richard is looking odd these days. Howard said he looks like Curly from the Three Stooges.
Howard said Shuli talked about how Gary gets into a pose when he's about to tell a long story. Howard said Benjy said he thinks it's how judgmental Gary is.
Howard said Gary turns 55 years old today. Howard said he likes this because no one can criticize him. He said he's perfect. Howard asked what they could say about him that's not perfect? Robin laughed.
Howard said he has some of the top moments from the show. He had a clip from his love tape where he starts off with ''Hello, hello.'' He had a clip of Gary doing ''Booey math'' in that tape. Howard said he's a fucking moron. Robin said that is still hysterical. Howard said it gets better like a bottle of wine. Howard played a clip of Gary saying ''Noine'' in that tape too. Howard had a song parody of Sour Shoes singing the Happy Birthday song with just ''noine'' as the lyrics.
Howard said that might be enough Gary celebration. Howard said the classic moment of all time is his mispronunciation of ''Baba Louie'' as ''Baba Booey.'' Howard played a clip of that moment. Howard said after that they named him Baba Booey and Gary said that would never stick. Howard said it's become a phenomenon. Howard said they salute Gary at 55 and hope for more Baba Booey-isms. Howard said that Gary called the iPad a ''stumble'' for Apple once. Howard said that was one of his first reviews with Geraldo. Howard played the clip of Gary saying he felt like it was a bit of a stumble for them.
Howard said Gary is still trying to figure that all out. Howard said he felt like his tech career was a bit of a stumble and he was right. Howard played another Baba Booey birthday song parody where they took Gary clearing his throat clips and put it to music.
Howard asked if Gary wants to be roasted now. Gary said more than you know. Howard said this could be really awful because he hasn't cleared the material. Howard said this is something else with the celebration. Sal came in and said that it's easy to roast someone when they're a moron. He said it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Sal had Gary come in so he could do it in person on the couch. He told him to waddle in there. Sal wished ''sewer face'' a happy birthday. Sal then went crazy with jokes about Gary's phlegm, his sleeping in his office, saying he looks like John Oates took a shit and stuck teeth in it and more. He went off on Gary's breath and his book. He said that book of his is like toilet paper. He said his book is like a porno and no one ever gets to the end. Sal said Gary is delusional about his story telling. He told him that when he fell asleep in the office it was the only time he ever shut the fuck up. Sal said Gary's wife sits on his face to shut him up. Sal said Gary is on the wrap Up Show but he can't ever wrap up anything. Howard said Sal was on fire. Sal said Gary makes it easy.
Howard asked how long it takes to put that together. Sal said they started it last week. Robin said that was amazing and she has to put Sal in the group of great roasters. Howard played another song parody about Gary turning 55 from Eli Braden.
Gary said he's going to roast Sal on his birthday too. Howard said Gary is a good sport. Sal said he's stupid so he doesn't realize it. He said you can tell him he's a good guy and he doesn't know.
Howard said he's going to wrap up the birthday celebration with a phony phone call. Howard said the boys took some of Gary's audio book and made a call to a party store. In the clip they put ''Uncle Gary'' on the phone with the party store guy and they have Gary telling a story about a friend he had a party with and he goes on and on about this party with the person on the phone and the party store guy says he has no idea what's going on. The store guy had to hang up.
Howard said that was Gary's birthday celebration. Howard said he's 55 years old now and that must make Robin feel old. Robin asked when they stopped calling him Boy Gary. Gary said that happened right after the Baba Booey thing. Howard played them out with another birthday song about Gary. They went to break after that.
Howard said he tried to have a personal relationship with Richard but it wasn't easy. He said he threw some food in the pool and he was picking people up and squeezing them and things like that. He said he found it hard to talk to Richard. He said years later he went out to dinner with him and he said he loves the name Ashley and he ended up going with it. Howard said he liked the name. Howard said when he read this article about Richard it was disturbing. Howard said there was an accusation that some people may be keeping him locked up in his house. Howard said there's also a guy who gives him a massage once in a while.
Howard said Richard hasn't made any appearances in like 2 years. Howard said that might have been the last time they saw him. Gary said he was on in September 2013. Howard said that Richard wants to be left alone according to what his people are saying. Howard said that Gary calls Richard like once a month and tries to find out what's going on with him. Gary said he talked to the publicist and they said he's not talking to anyone. Howard said he thinks Richard should have given them the interview he gave to the Today show. Howard said that show isn't any more relevant than their show. Howard said David Letterman kind of took his mean thing with Richard and did it on his show. Howard said that it really was kind of the same thing that he did. Howard said that annoyed him because everyone was teasing him. Howard said it was weird.
Howard said Richard has gone to visit Gary's sick family members when they were in the hospital and things like that. Howard said Richard would go out to eat and carry on with people in the restaurant and things. Robin said he'd talk to people who didn't even know he was there. Howard said he was on all the time and he thought that was just not knowing how to deal with people. Howard said with all of the carrying on Richard did disseminate good information. Howard said he wasn't a con-man.
Howard had a clip from the Today show where Richard talked about how he's doing fine and no one is holding him hostage. Howard said some people on the internet think it's not even him but he does. Howard said he might sound weak but he's an older dude now. Robin said he's a few years older than they are. Howard played another clip of Richard talking about how he wanted to be a loner for a little while. Richard said he had some problems and now he wants to just take care of himself. He said he doesn't want to travel anymore. Howard said he thinks he's just at home crushing some pussy. He said he's sure he has some bitches in that house.
Howard said Richard was asked what he's been doing these days. Richard talked about how he takes walks and drives. He said he has a gym upstairs and he's been working out in the gym. He said he's enjoying his time by himself. Howard said it sounds like he's working out all the time. Howard asked why he did it on the phone. Howard said anyone would have gone there to put a camera on him. Howard said maybe he's vain and doesn't want to be on TV anymore. Howard said he gets that. Howard said he doesn't want to leave his home either. Howard said he thinks Richard has that vanity thing.
Howard said coming to work is the worst. He said he hates leaving the house. He said he's fine once they get there. Robin said they have to talk and have a long discussion. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about it. He told her to keep quiet if she knows what's good for her.
Howard said he's going to do what Richard does. Howard said his wife knows about that. Howard said he just wants to be in the house with Beth and the cats. He said he'll take walks but not even drive like Richard. Robin asked what the problem is there. Howard said he's very content doing what he does. Howard said he will talk to people but not Fred and Benjy. Howard said even Robin didn't want to talk to Benjy when she was sick.
Howard played another clip of Richard Simmons talking about how he's doing fine and you haven't seen the last of him. Howard said that TV stations have to stop putting video and audio behind interviews. Howard said it's enough of that. Howard said it competes with what the guy is saying.
Howard said he hopes Richard is doing well. He said he wishes that he had called this show instead of the Today show.
Chad asked about one article saying that there's some voodoo going on with him. Howard said he wanted to do a show with Richard where they have a bunch of ladies vying for him. Chad said Richard would have been great on Son of the Beach. Howard said they wanted to cast him as a ladies man. Howard said they were canceled before they could get to that. Howard said Richard hasn't contacted him so he just wanted to say that too. They went to break after that.
Robin asked if Howard made the list of movies he and Beth watch together. Howard said he has the list but he left it at home. Howard said he wanted to find Dirty Harry but Netflix didn't have it. Howard and Robin talked about the kind of gun Dirty Harry carried and the kind of gun Rick on The Walking Dead carries. Howard said he saw the first 15 minutes of last night's show. Robin said it was so good. Howard said he's loving this season so far.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who was in the hospital last week. Howard said Erik is attempting to lose weight. Howard asked if he has gotten rid of his trainer yet. Erik said no. He said he lost 24 pounds in 2 weeks. Howard said he told Robin that he was going to milk this trainer for everything. Howard said he has a clip of Erik talking about everything he wants. Howard played the clip and Erik was asking for all kinds of stuff from a computer to airline tickets. Howard said he knew Erik was going to do that. The list went on and on. Howard said Erik is serious and he thinks he's he;ping the trainer more than the trainer is helping him. Erik said the trainer is helping him somewhat. He said he was at the gym on Friday and he did the treadmill twice. Then he was lifting weights. He said at 3 he went to physical therapy. Then at 3:15 he felt pain going down his left arm. Howard said that's because his body isn't used to any type of movement. Howard said he's 400 pounds. Erik said he's at 393 now. Howard said that's what will happen if you're that heavy.
Erik said he got numb and had tightness in his chest. He said he had to call 911. He got an aspirin from a pharmacist to keep him alive. Gary said Shuli is out there telling him that Erik hangs around with cops and emergency personnel and he's just saying this because he knows what to say.
Shuli came in and said Erik does have panic attacks and he hears them talking about the symptoms of a heart attack so that's why he says this. He said that will get him to the hospital. Howard said it takes a village to feed and house this guy. Howard said he's got free Uber and things like that. Howard said he will suck the energy out of that trainer.
Erik said he went to the hospital and they made him wait. Erik said he tried to get a hospital bed but the bed almost fell. Robin said they're half the size of Erik.
Howard said the update is that Erik has nothing wrong with him. Erik said they gave him morphine and a blood test. He said they gave him nitroglycerine pills too. He said they told him he's over exerting himself. Howard said he was on a treadmill twice and he over exerted himself.
Shuli asked if Erik ordered take out when he got home. Erik said he did. He said he had string beans and carrots. Shuli asked if he ordered Chinese food. Erik said he didn't. He said he was eating healthy. He had vegetable lasagna. Howard said that walk didn't burn any calories. Erik said he came home and slept until 9 on Saturday. He said he only had one meal yesterday and Saturday. He said he's going to continue to train. Shuli said he is losing weight.
Robin said she was in an emergency room last week with someone else and it's sad what goes on in there. Robin said that they had some drunks there and they get so belligerent and scream at people. Robin said that was the saddest situation she has ever seen. Robin said that these people are berated for taking care of people.
Erik said he's been behaving himself so can he get his Flat Ronnie back. Howard asked if he has threatened anyone's life. Erik said he has not. Howard said he was watching the Trump thing and he's not sure how that guy got so close to him with all of the security they have around him. Howard said he's not sure how that guy got so close with the Secret Service there.
Howard said he'll give Erik his Flat Ronnie back to him. Erik asked if Ronnie can drive it to him. Howard said no. He said next time he's down there he can have it.
Howard said Ben Carson is endorsing Trump and he was asked if God told him to do that. Howard played a clip of Carson talking about how he prayed about it a lot and he got a lot of indications saying that he should do it. Robin said ''Oh lord help us...'' Howard said that guy must be real book smart or something. Howard said that Ben Carson seems to be like a Magic 8 Ball. He said just ask him something and he comes up with an answer.
Howard said Sally Field is coming in today. He said he loved her new movie. Howard said he got a lot of email about Maria Menounos getting engaged on the show. Howard said that people loved it. Howard played a clip of Beetlejuice trying to say her name. Howard said speaking of Beetlejuice they have Wack History Month going on. Fred kept playing Beet saying Menounos in various ways. Howard said they have Elephant Boy and Eric the Actor coming up this weekend for Wack History Month. They went to break after that. They played Don Henley performing ''Desperado'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Rolling Stones song that Fred was playing. He said he loves the Rolling Stones. He said he was watching some Black Crows and they did a series of concerts with Jimmy Page. Howard said they did The Lemon Song and it was so good. Howard told Fred to look that up. Howard said this is what he does when he locks himself in a room. Howard said he loves the internet and finding that stuff. Howard said if the internet wasn't around he might go out.
Howard said that Sally Field is there and he's a little nervous talking to her. Howard said that he never thought he'd be in the same room with her. Howard said she's some actress. Howard asked if he can call her Sally. She said of course he can.
Howard asked Sally if Daniel Day Lewis texted her as Lincoln. Sally said they were both doing that. They stayed in character for that movie. Sally said that's what she does when she does a movie. Howard asked if it's weird when people have to refer to her as Mrs. Lincoln. She said it's not weird at all. Howard asked who taught her about that, Lee Strasberg? She said she did study with Lee. Howard asked Sally about working in the mill in Norma Rae and if she did anything to study for that. Sally said she worked in a mill to study for it. She said doing a role like that changes you. She said you are playing someone in their shoes. Sally said that you work beside these people and you understand what they're doing. She said you learn to pick cotton and things like that and learn that it rips your hands apart.
Howard said most actors don't give that level of commitment. Sally said she doesn't know. She said she doesn't think about other actors. Howard asked if she gets resentful if they don't go that far. Sally said she doesn't get resentful. She said that she would treat an actor with disdain or them that might not be written into the movie.
Howard said when Sally did the movie Sybil people thought she really did have multiple personalities. Sally said back then it was tough to move from TV to film. She said she learned that they had to think that she was that person playing the part so she had to have multiple personalities.
Howard said Sally's parents were divorced when she was 4 years old. Howard asked if that had an effect on her. Sally said that her dad was very catholic and he used that to hate everything. She said that it doesn't have to be that way but that's how they interpreted religion. She said that led to bitterness and she felt that at 4. Sally said she doesn't remember it all though. Sally said that she hated going to her dad's home when she was growing up. She said that was a shame because it meant she could never know him. She said it was a battle that she had nothing to do with.
Howard asked how far they lived. Sally said she was just down the street. Then they moved to the valley and she had to go to the house and it was a bit of a drive. Howard said Sally's mom married an actor. He eventually got to be Tarzan. Sally said he was a stunt man and an actor. She said he was an astonishing stunt man. She said his name was Jock Mahoney and he never took her to the set. Howard asked if she liked him. Sally said she did to a degree. She said that she didn't look at him like a father. She said he had very strong ideas about everything and how to do everything. She said it took her a long time to stand up and say no to him. Howard said Jock is a weird name.
Howard asked how Sally got the acting bug. Sally said it had nothing to do with Jock. She said that her mother was under contract to Paramount Pictures and she had to study for that. Sally said her mother studied with Charles Laughton.
Howard asked if she sensed any jealousy when she got her own series. Sally said no one has ever asked her that. She said it's a good question. She said that people thought that she was going to run the ball down the field for her because she couldn't do it. Howard said she was living through her in a way. Sally said she was very supportive but she had to hold up her end of the bargain. Howard asked if she was her manager. Sally said not at all. She said she wasn't like that in any way.
Howard asked if she writes every day in a journal. Sally said she doesn't do it everyday but she has done it for years and years. She said that it gave her a place to rage or figure out what was going on inside herself. Howard asked how many pages she'll write. Sally said it depends on how angry she is. Howard said you can really let it all out in there. Howard said then you might not feel the same way a week later. Howard asked what she does with them to keep them hidden. Sally said that they're almost undecipherable. She said that it looks like a mad person wrote them. She said she doesn't think anyone could figure them out. Howard said he would love to find them and see what she wrote. He said he'd like to know what it was like doing the movie ''Mrs. Doubtfire.'' Sally said her biological father passed away around that time so that's the kind of thing she was writing about. Sally said she had custodianship of him and she had to walk him up and down in his wheelchair. She said that he'd only say a few words. She said they were swear words so she asked if it was okay to say that. She said he would say ''Fun'' for everything and then he would say ''shit.'' She said he had suffered a stroke so it started with fun and then moved on to shit.
Howard asked if she felt any resentment for her father when she had to take care of him. She said that she wasn't so sure that she treated him that well. She said she never called him dad. She said she called him by his real name of Dick. Sally said she wanted to get to know her father but all he could say was fun and shit.
Howard said when Sally was 18 she came on the scene acting and she got Gidget. Howard said she only did one season of the show but someone discovered her, right? Sally said when she graduated high school she was slipping through the cracks. She said her brother was away on a gymnastics scholarship. She said that she wasn't doing anything and she had no one supervising her. She said that her brother became a great physicist. She said that she had never been out of the state or on an airplane. She said that she wanted to find a workshop to continue to act since she did that through high school. Sally said she got into a workshop at Paramount and she went into that and when she went to the first class she was standing on the corner for her brother to pick her up and a casting man from Screen Gems came out of the studio and said that he was sitting in on her audition and asked her to do an interview. She said she said sure and went.
Howard said she looked like a kid at 18. Howard said she was playing 15. She said she was actually 17 when she did the pilot. Howard said what a great thing to happen. Howard said she went in and did the audition for Gidget. She said she had her step father come with her to the audition. She said he didn't know what was going on so he wanted to go with her. Sally said she read the pages and she wasn't nervous at all. She said that she had to do a lot of personality tests and auditions before she got the show. She said it wasn't right away. Howard said that's so much bullshit. Howard said maybe they were confused by her. He said she was fresh out of high school.
Sally said that they wanted to make sure she was Gidget and she really was. Howard said he loved the bikini back then because it was so big and covered up her belly button. Howard told her about an episode he remembers but Sally didn't even remember it. Howard said that it's kind of creepy he remembers that. Howard asked if the show was popular. Sally said they moved the show around to try to find an audience and that's not something they did. She said when it went into reruns the kids found it during the summer but it was over by then. She said once it was over it was over.
Howard said that Sally got the show The Flying Nun. Howard said that she didn't like playing that part but this guy Jock Mahoney told her that she should do it. Sally said Howard really did his homework. Howard said that she took the job because she didn't know if she'd ever work again. Howard said that she took it and ran with it. Sally said she leaned a lot doing that show. She said that you have to listen to yourself when you think you should move away. She said any time you say take the money and run, you're dead. Howard said he remembers how big that show was back then too. Howard said she must think she was never going to work again. Sally said that it was 1966-1969 and things were happening to the country at the time. She said things were all turning upside down. Sally said it was turning upside down and she was doing Flying Nun. Sally said she wanted to be in her generation and not doing that show.
Howard asked if Sally was married at that point. Sally said it was toward the end of Flying Nun. Howard said she as going to parties and people are talking about war and things and she comes in and she's the Flying Nun. Howard asked if that's why she got married so young. Sally said she was only 21. Howard said she didn't have people on her side really. Sally said this guy was with her from the age of 14. She said he was in and out of her life. She said they were trying to grow up and you get stuck in that. She said she's not sure if that's why but it probably had something to do with her being so isolated from the world. She said she cared about him very much and he'll always be a big part of her life though.
Howard said ''Sybil'' comes along and that's a real acting part. Sally said she was taken to the Actor's Studio and met Lee there. She said she was doing that during the night and she found the place inside of her that mattered. She said she wanted to be an actor. Sally said she was learning things there and it was good for her. Howard said she has to remember a lot of dialog. Sally said that she was upset by the scripts for The Flying Nun. She said she was only doing it to keep alive and she would read the lines right before doing the scene. Howard said that was so she didn't know how horrible it was. Howard asked if she has watched that show at all. Sally said she never did. She said she never watched anything of her's.
Howard asked if she was always comfortable on camera. Sally said she's always nervous to a degree. She said it's part of what keeps you alive. She said that you are nervous most when you first start filing.
Howard said he loves this new movie that she did. Howard said his wife loved it so much that she doesn't want to see another film. Howard said the name of it is ''Hello My Name is Doris.'' Howard said he thinks she can win an Oscar for this. Sally said she would like the movie to be recognized but all of that stuff is out of her hands.
Howard asked Sally how she got the role. She said that she got the script and it cost nothing to make. She said she thinks that it cost just over a million to make it. Howard said she did it because she wanted to do it. She said she thinks she has made enough that she can do things like that. Sally said she never made those big salaries but she's fine. Howard said she never made the big quote. Sally said as the world is concerned she thinks it's fine. Howard said he might have to write something for her and get her cheap.
Howard said that Sally got an Oscar for Norma Rae. Howard asked if she got a bigger quote after that. Sally said they weren't making that big money back then. She said maybe in the last 20 years it's gotten big.
Howard asked Sally about some of the movies she's been in and when he got to Spider-Man Sally said that's not her kind of film. She said that she didn't put a lot of thought into playing Aunt May. Sally said it's not easy to turn that into a three dimensional character. Howard said that you're playing the part and it's not her movie. Howard said that she comes in and props up Spider-Man once in a while. Howard said there is no process where she can think about what Aunt May is thinking. Howard asked if she was excited that kids would see it and get to know her. Sally said no. She said she did it for a friend who asked her to do it. She said she liked working with Andrew too.
Howard asked Sally if she likes it when people come up to her asking for autographs. Sally said she has been a celebrity her entire life so it's just something that happens. She said that she can go out and not be recognized while shopping and things. She said she just thinks she looks like a little old lady. Howard said he doesn't think she does.
Howard asked Sally about doing Sybil. Sally said that one wasn't the hard one to get. She did one before that and that was the hard part to get after doing TV. She said that she had to convince them that she wasn't that character in Gidget and the Flying Nun.
Howard asked Sally about winning an Emmy and if she keeps it on display. Sally said it's not on display when you walk into the house. Howard said some people put it in the bathroom. Sally said she has her awards scattered about her bookshelves. She said that she has other things in there with them. Howard said that says to him that she likes those awards. Sally said it says that she has existed this much, this far. Howard asked if she has posters from her movies or anything like that. She said no. She said she might have some tiny things from the movies but not posters.
Howard asked if she has seen My Name is Doris yet. Sally said she has. Howard asked if she can tell it's great. Sally said she can't tell.
Howard said he thinks it was great to do Smokey and the Bandit. Howard said he thinks she did that because she had done Sybil and she plays a hot chick in Smokey and the Bandit. Howard said that it's like Miley Cyrus sexualizing herself because people saw her as a child. sally said she did kind of think like that. She said that she just wanted to ad-lib their way through the film. Howard asked if she likes the movie. Sally said she hasn't seen it in quite some time. She said that she thought it was the end of her carer. She said that it took off though. Sally said she anted to do it. She said it wasn't carefully thought out. She said she did it because Burt was a big star at the time. Howard said that the movie did very well and came in just behind Star Wars. Sally said she's shocked by that.
Howard said Jackie Gleason was in the movie too. He asked if Sally worked with him. Sally said that she didn't really get to talk to him much. She said that everyone worshiped him and they were all sitting at his feet. She said he was wonderful to be around.
Howard said that he's not sure if they had a relationship but it must be some aphrodisiac to work with a guy like that and ad-lib the movie and then it does $350 million. Sally said it wasn't that big of a deal to her.
Howard said that she did Norma Rae after that. Howard asked if they were afraid to put her in that because she had done Smokey and the Bandit. Sally said she didn't have to fight for it. She said the director wanted her but the movie people didn't want her. They wanted everyone else and they had asked everyone else.
Howard asked Sally about going to the Oscars for her Norma Rae nomination. Sally said that it wasn't the same kind of big deal it is now. Howard said it must have been fun going and then winning. Howard asked if there were big parties after. Sally said there was a big party at Spago but that was the one big party. She said she ran to the party after and everyone was sort of leaving at the time. She said she just asked for a piece of pizza.
Howard said that she must have been offered every script on the planet after that. Sally said it's never been like that for her. She said you have to be patient and tenacious and keep your head down. Howard said she had Places in the Heart and she won for that too. Howard said that's her famous speech where she said ''you like me, you really like me.'' Sally told Howard that was the first year they gave a time limit to speeches and she was about to say something else when she had to get that out. Howard said that time limit is so ridiculous. Howard said when someone like that wins you just let them speak.
Howard asked Sally about actors coming up now and what she thinks about that. Sally said there is so much pressure on them to be stars now. She said she never had that.
Howard asked if Sally has big star friends. She said she's got a couple but she's not that social. Howard asked if her friends are regular people. Sally said her friend are mostly women who have careers in some form and have grown children and grand children. She said they might be in the business but not actors.
Howard asked Sally what she does for fun. She said acting is fun. Howard said he paints for fun. Sally asked if that is a hobby. Howard said it is. Howard asked if she collects stamps or anything. Howard asked if she is friendly with Tom Hanks. Sally said she loves Tom and his wife and they have socialized but not that often. She said she has things that she does but she's not a social butterfly.
Howard said he wants to understand her life. Howard asked about what she does on a regular day when she's not acting. Sally said she reads the news and books. Howard asked if she talks about politics at all. Sally said she's been behind Hillary Clinton all along and no one even asks her about that anymore. She said she'd like to see her get the nomination. She said Bernie Sanders appears to be hungry for his own achievement for what he was fighting for and she wants to see them act in a civil way. She said that they're talking about real issues and really important things and Bernie is losing his decency in this. She said that he is an important voice to be heard. Sally said that Hillary likes him too and she'd like to work with him at some point.
Howard asked if she reads scripts when she's off. Sally said she does that too. She said she has stuff she's always doing. Howard asked if she's on her computer a lot. Sally said she is on it a lot. Howard asked if she's on Facebook. She said she is but it's under a different name. She said she does that to see the grand kid pictures and all of that.
Howard asked Sally about working with Robin Williams and if she was close to him. She said that she could be if she saw him now if that was possible. She said she's basically a hermit though. Howard said if he's working with her would they bond. Sally said they would. She said that once the movie is done you disband and go on you way.
Howard said he made one film and he thought they were going to be close forever. Howard said he fell in love with the whole crew and it's very hard to end it. Howard said you think there's going to be more. Sally said Howard would be instantly back there if he saw them again.
Howard said with Mrs. Doubtfire the movie was huge. Howard asked if they did a sequel. Sally said not that she knows of. Howard asked if she knew it was going to be huge. Sally said she did not. She said she knew it was a good script. She said it was about divorce and loving your children. She said you're caught in that battle and you see how it falls apart in a good way.
Howard asked Sally if she is against marriage. She said she's not at all. Howard asked if she has anyone in her life. She said not right now. Howard asked if she's lonely. She said she is but she's lonely even when she's with someone. She said she doesn't know how to identify who might be the right person for her to have a long term relationship with. Howard said he thinks that goes back to her step father Jock. Sally said she thinks it might have more to do with the masculine demeanor her step father had. She said you seek to please that and win that battle.
Howard said Sally is attracted to the wrong kind of guy. Howard asked if she did therapy. Sally said she did. Howard asked if that taught her what the right guy is for her. Sally said Howard is in touch and she has seen things about him. Howard said if he was single they'd have some real fun. Howard said stop coming on to me. Howard said that maybe he can set her up with someone. He said maybe a listener or something. Sally said she's happy just the way things are.
Howard asked Sally about doing Mrs. Doubtfire and then doing Forrest Gump. Howard said she was on a roll with those films. Howard said she must have thought there was a lot of pressure on her. Sally said not at all. She said that she wanted to do something that blows her skirt up.
Howard said it seems that Sally is pretty astute at picking scripts. Howard asked if anyone has asked for her advice or does she mentor anyone. Sally said she doesn't really mentor anyone but she has spoken to people. She said she will give some advice. She said there is no one way to do any of it. She said you have to know inside yourself what you want. She said if you want to be famous and make money that never works. She said if you do this because you can't not do it then keep doing it. Sally said even if she hadn't made it yet she'd still be doing this.
Howard asked Sally about working with Daniel Day Lewis and if she's nervous in front of him acting. Sally said that it wasn't really nervousness. She said that every part of your body is firing when you do that. She said they had no rehearsal. She said she's not sure why but they had none. She said Daniel may have liked it that way. She said she's not sure. Sally said they sat down and just did it.
Howard said this new movie is really good. He said he loved it. Howard said Gary and his wife really loved it too. Howard said he thinks she can get an Academy award for it. Howard said he loved the film. Howard asked how we get people to see it. Sally said the movie is very funny and highly comedic. Howard said it's Walter Mitty-ish. Howard said this woman has worked her whole life for her mother and suddenly she falls for a younger guy and it's beautiful and funny. Sally said that the press has jumped on her being 30 years older than the guy but this is what draws her out of this cave she's been living in. Sally said that you want to see if you can move on to that next stage of your life or be frightened and retreat into what you once were. Howard said the movie is inspiring. He said it almost got him to leave his house.
Howard said they have to find Sally a date. Sally said she's fine with the way things are. Howard said this guy she does the movie with is great. She said his name is Max Greenfield. Sally said she has been kissing guys on film for 50 years now. Howard asked if she gets aroused doing that. She said sometimes you can. She said you have other things on your mind though. Howard asked if she has ever done a nude scene. She said she did in ''Stay Hungry'' and she didn't like it at all. Sally said that she had to keep playing the character that the director had hired. She said that Jeff Bridges was very generous and loving in the scene.
Howard asked Sally if she's ever had anyone that she's had someone on set that she could fall for. She said she did a kissing scene with James Garner and he gave her the best kiss ever. She said that Tommy Lee Jones was her worst experience but they're fine now. She said back then he was a troubled soul. She said he had a lot of substances going on at the time. She said he didn't like her either so it was bad. Howard said he can't imagine doing that.
Robin asked about how different doing TV and movies is now compared to back in the 60s. Sally said that things are so different now. She said it's a very different world. Howard said Sally has done it all. Howard said just look at what she's done. Howard asked if she ever thinks about quitting and hiding in her house. Howard said that he would like to do that. Sally said no. She said she doesn't think that. She said when she's not working she's really not out.
Howard asked if she's a good cook. Sally said she is. Howard asked what she cooks. She said she can cook anything. Howard said he'd like something with pasta. Sally said she could do that. Howard said maybe he'll come over and watch her movies to torture her. Howard said she must have seen some weird stuff go down in her career. Sally said she has. She said Howard has seen some too. Howard said it's so great seeing weird stuff. Sally said there is some weird stuff going on now.
Robin asked who influenced Sally in the acting field. Sally said she doesn't think she saw anyone. She said that she came out of the 50s and loved Doris Day. She said she didn't see herself as her though. Howard said she's her own inspiration.
Howard gave Sally some plugs for ''Hello My Name is Doris.'' Howard said if he likes a movie he'll tell people to go see it. If he doesn't like it then he'll just say go see it. Howard said he really did like this one.
Howard asked Sally if she can cry on demand. She said it's very hard to do that. Howard wrapped up and asked if she has more press to do. Sally said she does have a little more but Howard was the highlight. Howard asked if she's ever had a meltdown on the set. She said she does occasionally. She said that she'll do it if the crew wants her to. Howard gave her more plugs and wrapped up. They went to break after that. They played a Billy Joel performance of ''She's Always a Woman To Me'' as they went to break.
Howard said that today is the 10th anniversary of Cliff Palate's death. Howard said he has a clip of the first time he was on the air. They had the clip where Cliff was on talking about his first name of Lynn. Howard said he had that way of talking and he had that name too. Howard said they called him Cliff for years and then after years of talking to him he told them he just had a speech impediment and not a cleft palate. Howard played a clip where he revealed that to them. Howard said he forgets what he died from. He said it must have been loneliness. Howard said that Cliff told them that his mom bought a car instead of fixing his cleft palate but that wasn't a true story.
Howard said Cliff was a good one. Howard said he thinks he lived in Texas. He said Gary the Conqueror was his nemesis. Howard said he has a clip of Gary and Cliff going out to where JFK was shot. Howard played that clip where Gary and Cliff were out talking about how it was Lincoln who was shot there and their tour guide corrected them. Gary kept saying ''Lincoln!''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's calling about America's Got Talent. She said she got an email where they're taping 12 shows during spring break and they have to do it because they can't fill the audience. Howard said he has to say something. Howard said she has to let it go. He said he got a nice email from Heidi Klum. He said he appreciated that. Howard said he spoke to Mel B about something else. Mariann said they miss him. Howard said they do miss him. Mariann said they don't know how good they had it. Howard said they seem to have known.
Mariann asked if Howard is going to be on the Garry Meier show. Howard said he is. Howard said Gary asked him to do it and he said sure so he will be interviewed. Mariann said she'll be listening. Howard said he never does any of that stuff but he's known Gary for a long time and he's starting a new business. He said he felt good about him so he did it.
Howard said if anyone else has any ideas of interviewing him he's not interested. Howard said he doesn't want to be interviewed. He said if he has something he will be. He said he was contacted about being interviewed by some nice people but if he has something to say he says it right there. He has his own show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe that Howard has never left a fecal stain on a toilet bowl. Howard said they have these green toilets now and there's hardly any water in the bowl. Howard said he has left many remnants on the bowl but what he does is wipe them with toilet paper. Howard said these ''green'' toilets have to be flushed 4 and 5 times to get the crap out of the toilet. Howard said that you end up using more water than the old toilets. Howard said he doesn't even make big doodys.
Howard said he made a doody yesterday and thought he got it all out but there was so much on his baby wipe. Howard said he'd have to go bathe if he didn't have the baby wipes. Howard said he isn't using toilet paper at all. He said he stands up after his doody to see what he did. He said he doesn't sit long. He said he only goes in when he has to make doody. He said it's just about out of his asshole when he sits down. Howard said people don't talk about this enough. Howard said he thought he made a good doody. He said then he gets his baby wipes by shuffling over to them. He said he goes in deep when he wipes. He said it was so gushy in there that it looked like a burrito. Robin asked how he knows if he's dripping on the floor. Howard said he knows. He said this is a system he came up with. He said no one taught him what to do. He said he had to come up with it himself. Howard said he pokes his fingers in with his wipe and it looks like a burrito. Howard said he could have rolled it up and sold it. Howard said he was angry that this came out of him. He said he's not sure how the caveman dealt with this. Robin said the cave man had stronger muscles too and they were able to get it all out. Robin said cats have a lot going on back there and they have no problem.
Howard said he went through 5 or 6 baby wipes poking and prodding. He said he wipes until he's got nothing on the wipe. Howard said it's like giving himself a bath. He said he doesn't want to see any brown back there. He said he's very diligent.
The caller asked if he can rip on him or something. Howard asked how he would do that if he doesn't know him. Howard asked what's wrong with him. The caller said he could get mad at him for being annoying. Howard said he's annoying and hung up.
Howard asked Robin about how she wipes. Robin said she's not having the same problems that Howard is. She said she uses toilet paper to wipe initially. Howard said he has to think about trying that. Howard said maybe he should wipe with toilet paper and then wipe with the baby wipes. Howard said it'll all end soon enough. Robin said Howard isn't going to like that either. Robin said that we are all here to procreate. Robin said our problem is that we have a mind and think about things. Howard said he can't bare it. He said he wants to stay. He said he wants to see what this new technology brings. Robin said he might be like his parents at that point. Howard said he won't be like that.
Howard said he has an email system now and he only checks it 3 times a day. He said he's only going to check it 2 times a day. He said he has to get off of that stuff. Robin said he's just going to stop checking so much. Howard said that's right. He said he has so much more free time. He said he was checking it every minute. Howard said he's going to change his email address so no one even has it. Howard said Robin doesn't even check her's. Robin said that's because she can't find it. Gary said he asked Robin to let him know if she got something he sent to her. Robin said she didn't see that but she did talk to him about it this morning.
Howard asked what's in the news. Fred played her in with a Marvin Gaye song that Robin was singing to. They also played another Beetlejuice singing bit. Howard said that was nice. He said both Robin and Beet love Marvin Gaye. Robin said they do.
Robin started off with a story about the FDA opening up an investigation because they were made aware of a man peeing on some Kelloggs products in 2014 at one of their facilities. Howard said he thinks anyone doing something like that should be put to death. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Luke Cage the comic book hero and how he's going to be Netflix's next comic book show. Robin said that Howard watches that Jessica Jones show. Howard said he's going to watch that too. Howard said he really likes House of Cards. Robin said she couldn't stop watching that. Robin said she's not that big into Jessica Jones though.
Robin read about Gwen Stefani and asked Howard if he knows what happened in her marriage with Gavin Rossdale. Howard said he doesn't care what happened in her marriage. Howard said she is attractive but he doesn't care. Howard said every good looking girl, some guy is sick of her. Robin said she has a new solo album coming out. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about her life and love in her album. Howard said Gavin was a good looking guy and what do you think will happen if you lock him up in a room with a good looking girl. Robin said they say he had an affair with the nanny. Howard said he likes Gwen's song Bananas. Howard said he likes to look at pictures of her too. He said she's hot but he doesn't care so much. Robin asked if Gavin is ever going to come on the show. Howard said sure he will. Howard said he's writing a new album so he'll be on some day.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for the great interviews he's been doing. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said they have a potpourri of stuff on this show. He mentioned Sal's roast of Gary today and said he can go home because he earned his paycheck.
Robin said Sweden has the most liberal thoughts on abortion. Robin said that took a poll where they found 84 percent of their citizens think a woman should be allowed to have one at any point in the pregnancy. Howard said they're right. Howard said he wishes that these politicians should get off of that in this country. Howard said he agrees with the democrats on that. He said he agrees with the republicans on guns. Howard said he's all for background checks though. Robin talked about how there are talks about how a man should be able to abort his legal obligations if they don't want to be a father. Howard said this planet is going to fail because there are too many people. He said when you have a child that is born and unwanted you are releasing a potentially dangerous situation on society. Howard said you can't force women to have babies. Howard said he likes what Robin is saying about the guy having a say in it.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if Fred ever found the positive email about him. Howard said they figured out that there wasn't one. Fred said that someone came up with a new term and said there's stupid and there's Bobo stupid which is really dumb.
Howard said Bobo was talking to Shuli the other day and you have to hear this. Howard played the clip and Bobo was talking about how he was upset about losing his recordings from his phone and he was in a ''mordatorium'' over this. Howard said that's not even the right use of that word if he had said it correctly. Howard asked Bobo to use the word in a sentence. Bobo knew the right pronunciation of it but he used it wrong in a sentence.
Howard said Bobo was depressed that he lost his recordings from the show from his phone. Howard said now he's in ''mordatorium'' over it. Howard asked Bobo why he uses words like that if he doesn't know what they mean. Bobo said he doesn't know. He probably meant to say he's in mourning over it. Bobo said that's probably it. Howard played a song parody about hanging up on Bobo.
Howard said it's hard to believe Bobo is in Florida. Howard said if you had his vocabulary you'd think he's change the word to something easier. Bobo said he has to rethink his thought process. Howard played another clip of Bobo talking about his recordings and how that can inspire questions. In the clip Bobo says that he wants to go back in the ''analogs of time'' with his recordings. Howard asked what he means by that. Bobo tried to explain that fuck up but he didn't seem to know what he was talking about. Howard said maybe he means the annals of time. Bobo said maybe that's it. Howard said he should just keep it simple.
Fred read the email that was the one positive they got. The writer said that they were entertained by Bobo and used some of the words he's fucked up over the years in that email.
Robin got back to her news and read about Laura Bush being on the Today show talking about the presidential race. Robin said she wasn't saying much about it though. Robin had a clip for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks they need to get Sal over in Times Square and have him march around dressed up in a turban to protest Trump. Howard said that would be funny. Robin said it would be for a short time.
Robin had some news about the Trump rally violence and had some audio of Trump talking about that. Robin read some more details about what went on at the rally.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton changing her mind about the death penalty. Robin said she's thinking it should only be used in severe cases. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about daylight savings time starting. Robin said the Monday after it starts has a dramatic upswing in accidents on the road. Robin asked if Howard got up at his regular time. Howard said he had to get up early on Sunday so he set his alarm with Siri on his phone.
Robin read about more polls coming up for the primaries. Robin had some details about that. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about some lead being found in water in Newark, New Jersey. Robin said they say the levels are safe for hand washing but not drinking. Robin had a clip of the mayor talking about that.
Robin read a story about how tattoos can boost your immune system. Robin said some researchers say this is a side effect of the body adjusting to the tattooing.
Robin read about the Zika virus and how they're saying you can avoid transmitting it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Richard Simmons speaking out about his not being out and about over the past couple of years. Robin said some people think he's being controlled. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to control him. He said he doesn't think anyone could control him. Howard said it makes no sense. He said the whole story is nuts. He said he couldn't wait to get the fuck out of his own house when Richard was over visiting. Howard said just leave Richard alone. Robin said that he's talking about the classes he's taught and how it's taken a toll on his body. Robin had a few clips she had Howard play.
Robin read a story about gunmen going in and shooting up a resort in North Africa. Robin said that Al Queda is taking credit for it.
Robin read a story about Mariah Carey being in talks about a reality show. Howard said that's going to be good. He said he knows a few things. Robin said that she's excited to show some family moments. Howard said he's looking forward to that. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon said today is Gary's birthday and they'll spend some time talking about that. Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said that they're asking what the favorite present was for Gary's birthday. The choices were:
Jon asked Gary about the list of things that annoy the staff. Gary said that's annoying. He said he was annoyed with Benjy's. Jon asked about the gift giving thing that came up today. Gary said he's very happy about that. He said it's so hard to shop for Howard. He said it's very hard to find a gift for him for Christmas or his birthday.
Jon said that Howard seems convinced that Michael Rapaport doesn't like Gary. Gary said Will feels the same way but he feels like he and Rapaport have a certain understanding and he doesn't really hate him. Jon said they have that relationship. Gary said they can bust balls and it's all in good fun. Jon said Howard thinks that he has it in for him though. Gary said he thinks that Rapaport has it in his best interests to have him as a target. Jon asked if Gary likes Michael. Gary said he does.
Jon had Rapaport on the phone. Michael said that he was looking forward to his birthday today. H said he's 55 but he looks 46. He said he sincerely wishes him a happy birthday. Gary asked why he thinks Howard thinks he doesn't like him. Michael said he thinks that maybe Howard is losing focus on things. Michael said that all of his stuff is in good fun. He said Gary has been an icon in his life for a long time and he wanted him to know that.
Michael said he doesn't like Gary instigating things. Jon said he just asked Gary about it. He said he didn't instigate it. Michael also brought up Will Murray saying that he doesn't think he likes Gary. He went off on him for a minute. Michael said Gary is one of a kind and he sincerely wishes him a happy birthday. He told Gary his is on the 20th of this month so if he wants to do something about that he can. Gary said they have to go because his phone connection isn't that great. They went to break after that.
Jon asked how Gary thinks Sal would handle a roast. Gary said he thinks that he'd just say ''that's funny'' and not laugh. Gary said that he's seen people get roasted and talk about how they just don't find that stuff funny. Gary said it can bother people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't hear the show today but he turned on the Wrap Up Show and heard Rapaport. He said there are only 3 things he'll turn the show off for and one of them is Rapaport. Jon asked the caller if he doesn't enjoy that. The caller said he doesn't like hearing him at all. He said they all like to have some fun but Rapaport seems like an evil prick who just wants to hear his voice on the radio.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's not sure why they like Rapaport. He said he's horrible. He said if they ever put him on the show full time he's not sure what he would do. Gary said that's the beauty of Michael. He said he has the attitude of an A+ celebrity. He said either way it works. Jon said they love him and he gets it and busts everyone's balls. Gary said he gets why people find him abrasive.
Jon said they got an update on Richard Simmons today too. Gary said he's been concerned with Richard for a while now. He said that he gave up on trying to contact him a while ago. He said he read the article about him and he knows Richard pretty well. He said he thinks that he's driven by vanity and he just doesn't want to be in public anymore. He said he thinks he just got tired of it. Gary said he has reached out to Richard many times but all he gets is a thank you through his publicist.
Gary said Richard visited his brother in the hospital when he was sick. He said that Richard came over at 7 in the morning on a Sunday and drove to the hospital with him. He said Richard brought bagels and orange juice in the car. He said he even took out his Deal a Meal cards and moved them around. Gary said his brother was in the hospital for 9 months and that day was the only one in 9 months that he saw his brother have a smile. He said Richard sent his mother a check to buy a dress for his wedding too. He said Richard is always on too. He said they had a woman at K-Rock who was heavy and Richard would call her and help her out as much as he could to help her lose weight. Gary said he was very generous and bought that woman a VCR too. They went to break after that.
Jon said Sally Field was in today and he liked how blunt she was with some of her answers. He said she talked about how she did Spider-Man because a friend asked her to do it. Gary said she said she didn't even like Spider-Man that much. He said he thinks she's in a position she can do whatever she wants. He said he saw her new movie and it's very funny.
Jon said it felt very comfortable from the get go. He said Sally was ready to answer all of Howard's questions from the start. Gary said someone has to have the personality to be there and she does.
Jon said sally is eternally cute. He said even now she is. Jon said that he method acting is pretty serious too. Gary said he's thinking of her working in the textile mill to do Norma Rae. Gary said her second Oscar for Places in the Heart is great too. He said he loved that movie. Jon said they also learned that James Garner packs one hell of a kiss.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he and his wife live Sally Field. He said that they've had some big home runs with the guests lately. He didn't have any questions for them.
Jon said that Sally has been in a lot of great movies. Gary said she also came from a place of having a dysfunctional family. Gary said he feels like everyone has that. Jon said she had father issues she had to deal with her whole life. Jon said she was a successful child actress and she moved into her teens and then adult years. He said that's not an easy feat.
Jon asked Gary if he's doing anything for his birthday. Gary said he's going out to diner with is wife and son this weekend.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that Sal's roast got 37 percent of the votes and Sour Shoes prank call got 33 percent. Jon asked Gary about Sour's impression and Gary said he doesn't hear it. Rahsaan said he thinks it sounds just like him. Gary said he thinks it sounds a little too effeminate. Jon wrapped up the show and ended it around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about how Robin is ready for the show. He said he checked with her and scared her. Howard said he told Benjy he needs him to be at his best and he looked at him like he was scared out of his mind.
Howard said it's going to be another great day with another guest. Howard played a clip of Wendy the Slow Adult making the announcement. She said they have Olivia Wilde coming in today. Howard said when he heard she was coming in he went on and looked at pictures of her. He said she's a beauty. Robin said she did an Instagram shoot with no makeup the other day and she looked fine to her. Howard said there are tons of pictures of him out there with no makeup and tons of people making fun of him.
Howard said he had a wild night last night. He said every once in a while you have to say fuck it. He said you have to mix it up and live outside. He said he's not sure if it was that Sally Field movie or what. He said he just said stop living such a controlled life. Howard said last night was a school night for him. He said he wakes up Monday mornings and wakes up with tremendous anxiety. Howard said people tell him that's why he's good on the radio. Howard said he says fuck you to those people. Howard said he doesn't want to hear from those people. Howard said he has such anxiety and he's so controlled. He said last night for some reason he threw caution to the wind. Fred played a wind sound effect.
Howard said he had a dental appointment and then he came home and did some stuff for the show. Howard said then he got tired after eating dinner. He said he eats at 4:30. He said he watched some FOX News and ate his dinner. He said he had eggplant Parmesan. Then he watched some more TV. Howard said he watched this show where a guy mentioned his favorite comedians were Jackie Martling and Eddie Murphy. Howard said he emailed Jackie about that but he doesn't think that Jackie is talking to him much. He said all he got from him was a ''Thanks.''
Howard said he knew he had a half hour of Walking Dead to watch. He said the finale of The Bachelor was also on. Howard said it was like 7 o'clock and Beth wasn't home. Howard said he went to beat off and was going to go to bed early. He said he was going to watch The Walking Dead and then go to sleep. He said he was watching a good video on YouPorn and then the urge left him. He said he put his stuff away and got into bed. He said that's crazy. When he was a younger man that would never happen. Howard said it was weird. He just lost the urge.
Howard asked Fred if he's ever had that. Fred said it happened once. Howard said sometimes it happens when he beats off more than two days in a row.
Howard said he got into bed and watched The Walking Dead. He said it was great. Robin said it might be one of the best ever. Howard said then he said he had to kill some time before The Bachelor. Howard said he went to bed at 8 and then got up at 1 in the morning and watched The Bachelor. He said he watched the after show too. He was up from 1 to 3 watching that. He said he got wild. Robin said she didn't go to bed until 11. She stayed up to watch live. Howard said he ate his breakfast too. Howard said he's living wild.
Howard said he went back to sleep after that. He said it was like 3:30 in the morning. He said he's really fucked up. Howard said this Bachelor picked a girl he could never be with in a million years. Howard said this girl had such vocal fry. Howard said he's talked about this before. He said it's become a thing that many women do. Howard said that they think they sound more intelligent when they speak like that. Howard said that's what this is. Howard said it's according to psychiatrists and psychologists. Howard said just listen to this girl. Howard said this guy is going to marry this girl. Howard said she did it less in the after show. He said she must have realized she was doing it. Howard said that he would have to reject this girl. Howard said she could be the best lay on the planet and he'd have to reject her.
Howard played some clips of this girl talking with that vocal fry thing going on. Howard said he'd have to ask her why she's doing it. Howard said this is worse than a girl with an accent. Robin said Ben didn't seem to notice. Howard said that guy is another dummy. Robin said she was on Team JoJo. Howard said the girls on that show have some bodies. Howard said you call that hard bodies. Howard said these girls are like half human half frog. Howard did an impression of the girl talking about Ben. Howard said they're eventually going to turn into a frog. Robin said she didn't even notice it that much. Howard said that both of the girls had it. Fred played a frog sound effect as they were talking about that and playing more clips.
Howard said by the end of the show the girl was sitting on a log. He did more of his impression of the girl doing the vocal fry. Howard said women have to stop it. He said it makes him mental. He said 2 in the morning he's listening to this. Howard said he was thinking about how there's no way he could marry a girl like that. Howard said your IQ is what your IQ is. That's not going to make you intelligent.
Howard asked Robin if she saw the part where she stuck her tongue out and grabbed the fly. Robin laughed. Howard said this is a young girl and she's not a smoker. Howard said the girls also say they're ''sort of'' something and it makes them sound dumb too. Howard said they think it makes them sound smart. Howard said it drives him nuts.
Robin asked if Howard is happy that JoJo is going to be the new Bachelorette. Howard said he is. He said that her family is the reason she didn't win. Howard said if you find the greatest guy you have to visit their family. Howard said he'd advise Robin to do that. Robin said maybe if she gets some vocal fry she'll get a man. Howard said Robin has always had a very nice voice. Howard said she sounds the same as when he first met her. Howard said not so much for himself. He said Robin spoke in a nice, feminine way. Howard said she never had that vocal fry. Howard said he'd have to talk to her about that if she ever did it.
Howard had a fake Richard Simmons (Sour Shoes) on the line. Howard said when he called the Today show he sounded depressed but today he sounds upbeat. Richard said he's been getting his balls drained by grade A vagina. He said the short shorts are a pussy magnet. Howard said they always said he was effeminate but Richard always said he was into girls and he believed him. Howard asked how many girls he has there. Richard named a few and said he also has Mandingo the horse there. They had porn playing behind fake Richard. Howard said he likes that laugh he does. The fake Richard did the laugh a little bit for Howard and he tried doing it too.
Howard asked if any of the girls are nude. Richard said they're all nude. Richard said he's eating pussy to the oldies. Richard said he's also swapping the engine in his Harley. Robin said he's so manly.
Fake Richard said tasting Robin's snatch would get him out of the house too. Howard asked Richard if there are fat chicks there too. Richard said he fucks them too. Howard said he doesn't sound depressed to him. Howard said the other calls sounded so restrained. Howard said now he's orgying with all kinds of women. Richard said pussy is only 5 calories on his Deal a Meal cards. He said that's how he's staying thin. Richard played some music and told the girls to dance with him. Richard said his neighbors keep complaining about the noise from all the women in the house.
Howard let Richard go after that. Howard said they did a follow up story in the NY Post today. Howard read some of that story and said that he can't believe anyone even cares about Richard. He said it's kind of sweet. Howard said people are missing him. Howard said it took 2 years to realize he was missing though. Howard said it is something though. Howard read the article where they talked about Richard talking to the Today show and Entertainment Tonight. Howard said he thinks it's vanity. Howard said he noticed that he wore his short shorts but had tights on. Howard said he's like a chick with stockings.
Howard read more of the article and said good for Richard having all of these people missing him. Howard said he's not sure what's wrong with a guy wanting to be alone. Howard said his gig was so exhausting. Howard said he tried to motivate people to lose weight. Howard said he probably just burned out. Howard said he's probably retiring. Howard said that's the healthiest thing he could do. Howard said it was exhausting being around the guy. He said he'd have him at his house and he was constantly on.
Robin said she thinks that the news agencies were getting calls about there being something wrong. She said that's why this turned into a story.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he lost 19 pounds. Howard asked if he cut off his arm. Jeff said no. Howard kept asking if he cut off his arm. Jeff said no. He said Bubba the Love Sponge wants him to come to his show. He wanted him to ask if it was okay. Howard said don't bother him with his fucking requests. Howard asked how old he is. Jeff said he's 48. Howard said don't call and ask permission. Jeff said Bubba told him to. Howard played a song parody about Jeff and his cough that went on for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that Jeff and Bubba can figure that out. Howard asked why Jeff's problems are his problems. Howard said maybe Jeff's lump is on the line. Howard picked up and The Lump was there. Howard asked if he can believe this. The Lump said that he can go to Florida as long as he doesn't come back. The Lump said he can do whatever he wants to do. Howard said Jeff can go on any show he wants. He said he can go on Imus' show or Mad Dog's show. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck.
Jeff said Bubba won't let him do it unless he gives permission. Howard said he doesn't operate that way. Howard said Jeff should figure out what he should do. Jeff said it's called being a professional. Howard said he's not god and he doesn't tell people what to do. Jeff told Howard he lost 19 ponds again. The Lump said he lost it by squeezing the pus out of him.
Howard played another bit about Jeff and his trailer. Howard said Jeff said the other day he has 3 bedrooms in that trailer. Howard said he's not sure how they divvy that up. Howard said Jeff also says he has 2 baths. Howard asked if he uses them for storage. Jeff said yeah. Howard said Jeff can do what he wants to do. He let him and The Lump go after that.
Howard asked Obama what his goals are for the rest of his time in office. Obama said he's going to pardon OJ Simpson. He said he's also going to get him on the Supreme Court. Howard spent another minute with Obama and then let him go. Fake Obama didn't hang up. He said that he has to run because the dog just shit all over a Civil War carpet.
Howard played a clip of the first time Fred the Elephant Boy called in. Howard said they got Elephant Boy to go up and make a speech when he was nominated to run for Governor. Howard said that the party regulars were beside themselves when he got up there. Howard played a clip of Elephant Boy making that speech. Howard said he kept going up in the polls but then he dropped out. Howard said he got scared he was going to win. Howard said it was Patacki, Cuomo and him. Howard said he was on his way to winning and it scared him. Howard said he was going to resign after a few days anyway. Robin said it might have taken more than a few days. Howard said it was all a goof so they didn't put any thought into it. Howard said that's why he asked Trump if he was really going to run. Howard said he thought he just wanted to sell a few books or something. Howard said anything he said people liked. He was going to fill potholes with the people they killed with the death penalty.
Howard said he's all for this stop and frisk thing. Howard said they took a lot of weapons off the street with that.
Howard thanked Steve-O for hosting this weekend. Howard said they found out that Elephant Boy was leaving voicemail messages for bi-sexual couples and he thought he was anonymous but with that voice there's no way. He played a clip of Elephant Boy's voicemail message. In that message he says he doesn't play head games. Howard said that's such a cliché. Howard said he's not sure who can even understand what he's saying if he's playing head games.
Jim asked if Fred has gone. Fred said he has. Howard asked why he didn't know that. Fred said he did. He said he has spoken about it. He said that they went to couple's therapy and he goes once in a while for a tune up. Howard asked how many times he goes in a year. Fred said he's not sure. He said he can go a for a few months without it. Howard asked what it was about himself that he needed therapy for. He wondered if it was around the time he changed his name. Fred said there are things that you're not happy about. Howard asked if he managed to change some things. Fred said there might be personal problems or the way he reacts to certain people.
Howard asked if his shrink quit after the first meeting. Fred said no but he has quit and gone to other people. Fred said he hasn't seen this latest one in about a year. Howard asked if Benjy came up in any of his sessions. Fred said he did not. Howard said he comes up in every session for him.
Jim asked when Fred started. Fred thought about it and said maybe about 30 years ago. Howard asked if he went more than once a week. Fred said he never did. Howard said that going once a week is bullshit. Howard said he can't be in psychotherapy for that little time.
Jim asked if he ever cried in a session. Fred said he hasn't. He said maybe after one but not during one. Howard said everything is fascinating about Fred.
Howard said that Fred chews on his pens so you know he has anger. Fred said he doesn't do that anymore. Howard asked if he's cured like Robin claims she is. Robin said she said that about cancer. Gary said that's a lie. Howard said Robin has said she is cured. Fred said he has to back Gary on this. Howard said Robin has said she is cured.
Jim asked if Gary has ever seen a psychiatrist. Howard said he did for his teeth. Howard said Gary had work done on his nails for a fungus he had. Howard said Gary is disgusting. Gary said he did go to a shrink. Howard said he thinks a bunch of the guys there share a shrink. Gary said it's just one person and that person doesn't go anymore. Howard said he doesn't think a shrink should see your friends. Howard said he thinks it's like one of those guys that's like going to a massage. Gary said he never discussed his friend in therapy. Howard said he doesn't care anyway.
Howard said Gary had a birthday yesterday. He asked if he did anything special. Gary said it was a quiet night last night. He said Mary had to get a tooth pulled so it was a very quiet night. Gary said Mary's birthday is today. Howard said it's kismet. Howard said that she's going to get another tooth pulled just in case Gary wants to get frisky.
Howard had a clip of Michael Rapaport singing happy birthday to Gary. Howard said Rapaport is really hung up on Gary. Howard said Gary swears he doesn't have a problem with him.
Howard said he was at a dinner one night and Calista was there but he didn't talk to her that much. Howard said he didn't think if her as being hot there. He said now he sees it.
Howard said he saw a couple of women talking about Donald Trump and they bring up Howard Stern. He said they were talking about what Trump has talked about on the show and one woman said Trump said a woman can't be a 10 if you're flat chested. Howard said he thinks a 10 can be flat chested but Trump doesn't think so. Howard said it would be so great if he is elected President and that's a quote.
Jim said it would be great for the show if he does get elected. Howard said he thinks that if he called Donald Trump he'd appoint him to a position. Howard said he's not sure he'd want one though. Howard said he likes Hillary a lot but she ignores him. Howard said he thinks it would be fun to be on the Supreme Court and make his decisions right there on the show. Howard said Robin could boil it all down for him and he'd make his decisions based on that. Howard said he's not sure what other positions he could take. Howard said he'd be great.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard was big on 10 Cloverfield Lane. He said he saw it on Thursday night and was kind of let down by the ending. Howard said he liked the movie a lot. Robin said the ending was great. Robin said she did see a guy who said it was the worst movie ever. Howard said it was such a great movie. Howard said he's not bullshitting about Sally Field's movie being great either. Howard said he'd give 10 Cloverfield Lane a B+. Howard said the ending wasn't even the original ending. Howard said he knows what it was but he can't say what it was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he felt like Sally Field was disappointed in her career about the comedic movies she's made. Howard said he thought it was fascinating that she was so disappointed in doing The Flying Nun. He said that she had complete disdain for Smokey and the Bandit. Howard said you forget the context in which she did things. Howard said she did Sybil and she was an ugly hag in that. Howard said she went and did Smokey and the Bandit and she was hot. Howard said that it was kind of a shit movie but it was a big hit. The caller said she kind of shit on the stuff she did. Howard said she was honest about what she thought of those things. Howard said that most actors aren't honest about what they've done. They'll just say it was all great. Howard said Sally said she has never seen an episode of The Flying Nun.
The caller said that Howard and Gary often say that they wait ''on line'' instead of ''in line.'' Howard said he doesn't think about it. The caller said that online is on a computer and in line is standing in line. Howard said that on line is fine and that was used before the internet was around. Fred said he's reading a thing about how New Yorkers typically say that. Howard asked who this caller thinks he is. Howard said he's making him cuckoo. Howard said he has to take a break anyway. They went to break after that. They played a prank call Sal made to a pizzeria where he gave a long nonsense name for his order.
Howard said that people are calling for no more High Pitch Erik. Howard read some of the email about that. Howard said they're going to keep having him on.
Howard read some email about Bobo and how dopey people think he is. Howard said that Shuli was talking to Bobo the other day about ghosts and Bobo believes in them. Howard said of course he odes. He played a clip of Bobo talking about going to a psychic and the psychic told him his mother wanted him to have this thing and it was a Mother Cabrini. Bobo said that his mother was very religious so that's where it came from. Bobo also said that he had someone whisper to him that he was going to be involved in a tragedy in the next 6 months. Bobo said he ended up losing his brother on 9/11. Howard said he never heard that story. Gary said his brother didn't die in 9/11, he died on 9/11. Howard asked what the fuck is wrong with Bobo.
Howard had Bobo on the phone and said you don't say you lost your brother on 9/11 because it implies that he was lost in the World Trade Center. Bobo said that it was all about the background of how he found out that they were going to have a tragedy. He said it was told to him in a dream.
Howard said even Gary the Conqueror doesn't believe in ghosts. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Gary about that and Gary said he thinks that people who believe in ghosts are stupid.
Bobo said this dream was so real and he has been on the Ghost hunting thing. He said he has gone out. Howard asked if he has seen ghosts. Bobo said he has. He said he went to a psychiatric hospital and he saw them there. Shuli came in so Howard talked to him about the 9/11 thing that Bobo was talking about. Howard said that you don't say that it's on 9/11.
Shuli said Bobo wants him to go out to this forest to see ghosts. Bobo said there is a spot in Huntington that's known as a spot where you put the car in neutral on flat ground and the car gets pushed. He said he's going to put talcum powder on the trunk so you see the hand prints from the ghosts. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he has the ghost Mother Cabrini on the phone so maybe he was wrong. Howard took the call and Mother Cabrini said Bobo is stupid asshole. She said his brain is made of ricotta. Howard let Mother Cabrini go a short time later.
Howard asked Bobo what other question he has. Bobo asked if he saw that internet radio is going to be called connected car in the NY Times. Howard said he knows what Bobo is talking about. He said he's asking if internet radio will be competition for Sirius in the future. Howard said he's going to let Bobo figure this one out. Howard asked if he thinks one would be competition or not. Bobo said it depends on how well it's done. Howard said Bobo knows the answer. He said it's a silly, shitty question. Howard said that is the stupidest question he's ever asked. Bobo said he got it out of the NY Times though.
Howard took a call from Bobo's Toupee and Howard said he should have been Mother Cabrini. Howard asked Bobo's Toupee what he thinks about the question Bobo asked. Bobo's Toupee said he would say yes and he doesn't need to call a radio show to find out because he's not a retard. Howard went through it with Bobo again and tried to get him to understand how dumb his question was. Howard explained to him that of course it's going to be competition. Bobo changed his question to ask if it's going to be as big as Sirius. Bobo's Toupee asked Bobo to bang his head into his dashboard. Howard thanked Bobo for the call. Bobo didn't hang up and he stared to do shtick so Howard hung up.
Howard said that Sal had Tan Mom read off a bunch of names from the show. Howard said check this out. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was thanking people on the Howard Stern Show and she's completely clueless. She read the fake names and said Isis Rules, Fuck you Jews and other things like that. Howard said she gets pissed and just wants to smoke. Tan Mom just keeps reading the names not having a clue about what they are.
Shuli said she called him at like 8 and said she ended a cigarette and shrimp cocktail. Howard said he has another great Tan Mom tape. He said she has a crush on Sal and also on Memet. Howard said she's hot for him. Shuli said she calls him Lemet. Howard said those guys did a phony phone call with her. Howard played the call and Memet calls Tan Mom and asks her to do a dinner with him at Del Frisco's on March 18th. Then Sal called Tan Mom and he wants to go to dinner with her. Tan Mom says that ''Lemet'' already asked her. They put her back on with Memet and she tells him what's going on. Memet asked if she really didn't want to go out with him. She said she's definitely going with him. She called Sal back to change the date. Sal doesn't want to cancel so he keeps the date. She calls Memet again and he tells her that Sal is married and he's lying to her. Tan Mom said that they're both insane and she's done. Then they had Ronnie call Tan Mom setting up a date on March 18th. She said fuck you all and hung up.
Howard said they should all call Memet ''Lemet'' from now on. Howard said they had Tan Mom record a message for the Syrian refugees. Howard played that too. She was saying these people are sick. Howard said he just wanted to say that there is no Thursday, March 18. Howard said that they might as well have said they wanted to meet on Marchuary 18th. Shuli did his impression of Tan Mom and had Howard cracking up.
Howard said they had Tan Mom record a message for people who have Zika virus. Howard played that and Tan Mom was saying you're not alone with this virus. She said the kids will probably turn out to be the smartest person among everyone else. Shuli said he hears all of this and wonders how people don't think she's a Wack Packer. Howard said that she is and he doesn't get why Natalie Maines doesn't want to go with it. Howard said he found Big Foot because they did a solicit.
Robin said they should call Tan Mom and ask her to go to dinner on March 35th. Shuli did more of his impression of Tan Mom and had Howard cracking up. Howard said he likes her message of confusion. Howard said it's not a message of hope, it's just confusion.
Howard said they tried to get a dating game going with Tan Mom. He said that was a disaster. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom doing that and she starts out with her sexy voice but then it devolves. Tan Mom was going on and on about this dating game thing and talking about how she really wants to go out with you.
Howard said they are looking for someone to go out with her but no one has responded. Howard said that they usually get somebody but no one has responded for 2 months.
Howard had a new song from Beetlejuice. Howard said it's really good. Howard said he sings about how he got his money in this one. He played the song and went to break. They played a Beet Rogers in the 25th Century bit as they went to break.
Howard came back and talked about the song Fred was playing. He said this is the song he was talking about yesterday. Howard said Olivia Wilde is there and she's on a TV show called Vinyl. Howard said Baba Booey is raving about that show. Olivia asked if Howard has seen it yet. Howard said he has them all in a folder on his TiVo. Howard said that Olivia plays an Andy Warhol factory girl in the show. Olivia said it takes place in 1973. She said that Bobby Cannavale plays her husband. She said she eventually gets back to her factory girl life. Howard asked if she cheats on her husband. She said she doesn't but she gave up her identity to be a mother. She had to get back to her life.
Howard said Andy had special names for his girls. Olivia said there were a lot of great drag queens back then too. Howard said he met Andy Warhol in the weirdest way possible. Howard said he was working at K-Rock and he had a limo and Andy was walking down the street and he just opens the door and gets in. He said Andy said he thought someone fabulous would be in the car and he just looked at him and got out of the car.
Howard said he has a bunch of questions for Olivia. Howard said he was watching her on the Oscars and her dress was outrageous. Howard said she had a dress cut down to her belly button. Howard asked if that was her goal to be so sexy. Olivia said she was asked to do it not long before they aired. She said she did a documentary that was nominated. Howard said she shot something on her iPhone. Olivia said that was a music video she did. She said you can shoot in 4K and it turned out well. Howard said this band comes to her and she has to figure out how to shoot it. Howard asked how much it cost. Olivia said it's very cheap. She said she put a lot of lenses on the phone. She said she had a great DP to help her out. She said Apple stepped in to help them out too. She said they didn't want it to look bad.
Howard asked if it's possible to make a video that's in your head that looks that good. Olivia said it is. She said that the phone has come a long way. Olivia said there are challenges but they were able to do it. She said that the phone is very light and you have to be able to stabilize it. She said the exposure is trickier too.
Howard asked if Olivia is constantly taking pictures of people. He asked if she's chained to it. She said she might be. She said she refuses to believe that there's no WiFi on the airplane. Howard said he has cut down on his email reading by cutting down to three times a day. Howard said people aren't constantly hounding him. Olivia said she has a 2 year old so maybe it's irresponsible.
Howard asked where Olivia lives. She said she's in Brooklyn. Howard said she's doing that thing. Olivia said they moved from Manhattan to Brooklyn. She said she works 10 minutes away from her home. She said it's great for her kids to live there. Olivia said she doesn't like the whole Hollywood thing. She said the Paparazzi thing isn't good either.
Howard asked her to explain what it is about Hollywood that she doesn't like. Olivia said it's exhausting. She said you're on all the time and someone is following you. She said New York is a better place.
Howard said that she was named the most beautiful person in the world so that must feel good. Olivia said that she was like 21 at the time and they think that's how you want to present yourself. She said that's not the way it is. Howard asked if she gets turned down for parts because she's too beautiful. She said she doesn't think so. She said she was told she was too sophisticated for a role. She said that she later found out that meant she was too old. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Howard said he finds it fascinating that her parents are award winning journalists. Howard said she's a hippy because she grew up with such fabulous parents. Howard asked if they go off to Iraq and Afghanistan. Olivia said they were there for the important stuff. She said you don't need your parents to bring you to school every day or anything like that. Olivia said now she knows what it's like to be a parent and she knows it sucks to be away from the kids. She said her mom produced for ABC News and a lot of things like that. She said her parents are still around and they're amazing. She said the journalist community is dying off too. She said she was thinking the other day that an interview is supposed to sound like a conversation.
Howard said that Olivia got a tattoo at 13 and her mother didn't get upset. She told her that the tattoo wasn't cool. Olivia said that stopped her from getting more. She said her mother was smart for not yelling at her about getting it. Howard said that seems like a cry for attention. Olivia said she thinks she wanted to be more of a bad ass than she was. She said she wanted to be one of those people but she wasn't really rebellious.
Howard asked Olivia how her parents knew Mick Jagger. She said they didn't really. She said they lived over a salon and people would come through all the time. She said it was a weird mixture of people. She said it made her realize that currency was being interesting. She said that it was about your curiosity for the world. She said the one rule they had in the house was ''don't be boring.''
Howard said Olivia shaved her head when she was 13 too. Howard said that she had great parents and she had famous people coming through the house all the time. Howard said he thinks she did it to get noticed. Olivia said she did the undercut thing and her mom just said it looked like she got run over by a tractor.
Howard said Olivia wanted to be an actress and that's another cry for attention. Olivia said that she didn't tell them when she was in plays at school though. Howard said she got married and didn't tell them about that. Olivia said she eloped with a prince. She said she was only 18. Howard said most parents would have intervened and said she was too young. Olivia said she had to find herself and her parents let her do that on her own. She said she got engaged at Burning Man. She said she doesn't recommend it.
Howard asked if Olivia has ever been rejected by a man. Olivia said yeah. Howard said when you're that good looking at what age do you notice you have power over a man. Olivia said that she knew she had an effect very young. She said she went through a weird phase of about 4 years between 9 and 13 or so. She said she just looked like a 50 year old woman. She said they look at those pictures and see how odd they looked. She said at 13 she got some confidence. She said that men weren't fussing over her more than any other girl. Howard said that kind of attention is kind of creepy from older men. Howard said the directors must have had a field day with her. Olivia said she started late for the casting couch thing. She said she actually worked in the casting department. Olivia said she took a year off from college and tried this out. She said she thinks her parents thought maybe she'd be discouraged over that. She said that they cast amazing movies and it didn't scare her off at all.
Olivia said she knew one director who wanted to meet every hot girl in Hollywood. She said that guy was disgusting. She said that he'd ask them if one of the girl's boobs looked smaller than the other. Olivia said that she was told she had a pie face and they thought she'd do good in Hollywood. Howard said he's not sure what that means. He said he heard that having a big head was a good thing too. Howard said it's such a crazy business.
Howard said he imagines that she had guys who just wanted her. Olivia said she came from such a different planet and she had no savvy toward that whole thing.
Howard said Olivia's legal name is Cockburn. She said that it's pronounced ''Coburn'' in Ireland. She said she heard it all growing up though. Howard said she changed her name to Wilde. She said she was inspired by Oscar Wilde. She said she likes the stage name thing. Howard said she had an 8 year marriage and maybe that was good for her in Hollywood. She said it did allow her to focus and work hard. She said she doesn't think getting married that young is good though. She said it shouldn't be allowed until the age of 30.
Howard said that movie Cowboys and Aliens was great. He really liked it. Olivia said they had great actors in the movie and it didn't do well. She said she thinks she was shocked by that. She said she's more shocked when she's in something that does well. Howard said you don't know what script is going to do well with the public. Howard said when Jon Favreau cast her it must have been a great thing. Howard asked if she auditioned for that role. Olivia said she met with Jon and they got along so well. Howard said he imagines she gets along well with every guy. Olivia said they had so much fun on that movie. She said Daniel Craig was the most fun person. She said that he kept them all well fed and he had a house nearby so he would have them over. She said that he'd make dinner and they'd just party. Howard asked if he hit on her at all. Olivia said he was madly in love with someone so he didn't hit on her.
Howard asked what it's like to work with a guy she just can't stand. Olivia said you can channel rage into just about anything. Howard asked about the Cowboys and Aliens movie and thought it was going to be a breakthrough for her. Olivia said they had like 2 jets going around promoting the movie. She said she thought it would be like that for the rest of her career. She said that the cast was on the plane and Daniel Craig was trying to figure out how much to tip the flight attendant. She said that it was all foreign to her. She said she was completely naive.
Howard said to get a taste of that then you go to the premiere and that was big. Olivia said it was massive. She said that it was crazy. Howard asked if that was the first time she saw the movie. She said it was. She said they knew that it was on the fine line about being liked. She said she loved the movie and she thinks that Jon did a great job and the guys in the movie were all great. Howard said they must have thought it was going to be a hit. Olivia said they were thinking about doing a sequel. Howard said it didn't do well so what happens then. Howard asked if they stop hearing from everyone. Olivia said she did. Howard asked if she felt that she didn't do something right. Olivia said she was used to it. She said she was in Tron too and that didn't do that well. She said it was a similar kind of thing. She said she thought it was the new Star Wars. Howard said that Jeff Bridges was in that. Howard asked if it was fun to work with him. Olivia said it was. She said he is The Dude. She said he's her friend and he's a good mentor.
Howard said that he can see her falling for Jeff Bridges. Howard asked if she ever falls in love on set. Olivia said she has in the past but then you realize how disastrous it would be to do that. She said you do not shit where you eat. Howard said he's going to make a poster for that.
Howard said that Olivia made a 500 page back story for her character in Tron. Olivia said she did. She said that she wanted her to have a story so she did that.
Howard asked Olivia about the Oscars and if she knew that Sacha Baron Cohen was going to do what he did. Olivia said that she was supposed to present with Jamie Foxx and he backed out at the last minute. She said that she was brought back stage and she was happy she was going to do it with Sacha. She said she was hanging out and Sacha was nowhere to be seen. Howard said he was busy getting into his Ali G costume. Olivia said she stepped into the wings and she was told she had to say both speeches herself. She said here was nothing funny there. She said she knew it was going to be boring. Olivia said that Sacha finally showed up and he wasn't in costume yet. She said that he handed her the hat and she put the hat on for him. She said she's a huge fan of that so she was thrilled. She said she could not contain her glee. Howard said that dress she had on was something. He said she knew what she was doing in that dress. Howard asked how much thought she put into that. She said it was the night before. She said the best part is that it allowed her to pee and many dresses don't let you do that. She said she likes to pee by herself so she was happy to be able to do that.
Howard asked if she was afraid that her boob would pop out. Olivia said it worked for Janet. She said there was actually netting there holding it together. Howard said he didn't see it. He said he even freeze framed it.
Howard said he watches the red carpet stuff and he only stops when he sees a dress like that. Howard said she must know it's a show stopper. Olivia said that they get access to one of a kind dresses like that. Howard said she must love her boobs. She said she does. She said they're real and they've done the work of breast feeding. Howard said they look perfect to him. Olivia said that she did the breast feeding thing because her son deserved it.
Howard said Sacha did a great job with the Ali G thing. Olivia said he doesn't give a fuck and he's not even allowed to come back after doing that.
Howard said Olivia did a show called Skin on HBO and she hates the show. Olivia said the show was so bad. She said what she loved was Ron Silver. She said she got to play his daughter. She said they got to hang out and it was great. Howard said Ron died. Olivia said he did. She said that they had great conversations about politics. Howard said he was a great guy. He said he met him a few times.
Howard said that Obama called Olivia to thank her for campaigning for him. Howard said that doesn't happen to every woman. Howard said that Beth has had things like that happen to her. Howard said Obama has tons of people who volunteer for him. Olivia said she got in really early with him. She said she was doing everything she could to raise money and she thinks that he wanted to thank people who were in early. Olivia said that he called a lot of people who helped. Robin said it was Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox.
Howard said he heard that Olivia started screaming after the call and he heard it. Olivia said that he did and he thinks that he liked that.
Howard said that Olivia is going out with Jason Sudeikis but that doesn't seem like the kind of guy a woman like her would date. Howard said she isn't with the ''hot'' guy in Hollywood. Howard said he is a good looking man but he's not the hot Hollywood guy. Olivia said she has dated other guys. Howard said he has a list. Howard said Justin Timberlake is on the list. She said she never dated him. She said she played his mom in a movie called ''In Time.'' She said that they have known each other for a very long time. She said they did a movie very early on. Howard said she dated Ryan Gosling. Howard said that looks aren't everything to her. Howard said she will give some attention to the quirky, funny guy. Olivia said that humor is so much higher on the list. Howard said she dated Bradley cooper. She said he's a great guy too. Howard said he can see great romance there. Olivia said things happen for a reason. She said they're still buddies.
Howard asked why Olivia isn't married to Jason. Olivia said that they will. She said it's almost out of laziness that they're not. She said they're both divorced and that might slow things down too. Howard said her parents must love that they're living in sin.
Howard said they met at an Saturday Night Live party. She said that she did. She said she went to see Saturday Night Live when she was a kid. She said that's all she wanted. She said there is nothing cooler than sketch comedy. She said she was 10 in 1994 so that's when she was there. She said Heather Locklear hosted and Janet Jackson was the musical guest. She said that Chris Farley was on the cast at the time and she was at a brownie table with him at the after party. She said this was in her awkward stage. She said she was eating by herself and Chris came up to her and locked eyes with her and shoved a brownie into his mouth. He did that 10 times and pounded them into his mouth and she was in hysterics. She said that she thinks he saw another fat kid and he was just making her laugh. Howard said Chris was on all the time. He said he has to make everyone laugh. Howard said it's kind of sad in a way. Olivia said it must have taken a lot of energy. Olivia said it was so awesome because it was so unnecessary.
Howard asked if Olivia is engaged to Jason. She said they are engaged. Howard said that everyone must want to say hello to her at a Saturday Night Live party. Olivia said she was done with dating. She wasn't in a relationship and she is so happy that they started it when they did. She said she was at the after, after party. Howard asked if she had hosted. Olivia said she just did it for fun. Olivia said she went with a friend. She said she was in the party and she was on the dance floor and people around her were very happy. She said then Jason suddenly came up to her in her face and said ''Whatever you're looking for, you don't need it.'' Then he walked away. Olivia said she thinks he sensed that she looked kind of lost and she was just at another party and didn't know what to do. Howard asked if she ever asked what he meant. Howard said he thinks that's kind of a line. Olivia said he's smooth. Howard said if she looked like Jonah Hill in a dress she would have maced him. Olivia said he just walked away after that. She said that he wasn't even trying to pick her up. Howard said she must have felt some kind of attraction. She said that she did find him very funny and some friends tried to set them up. She said he dates really pretty girls. She said he was just doing his thing.
Howard asked who he dated. She said Jason went out with Rosario Dawson. Howard said he dated January Jones too. Howard said that's cool. Olivia said that they had friends who were trying to set them up. She said it was Kristin Wiig and Jason Bateman who were trying to set them up. Howard asked why Kristin didn't date him. Olivia said they're like brother and sister. Howard said he would have banged Kristin and then dumped her for Olivia. Olivia said she trusts her taste in people and everything. Howard asked if she thinks Jason put her up to it. Olivia said she doesn't know. She said that Jason Bateman told her she should just go out with him. Olivia said that Jason and his wife are great like that. She said they set people up all the time.
Howard asked who has time to be funny over there at Saturday Night Live. Howard asked what happened after that party where she met Jason. She said that she kept running into him in New York. She said he got her number and didn't text her for a month. She said she didn't get anything. Olivia said that she thought maybe he was seeing someone else. Howard said a girl who looks like her you think that she's being texted by everyone.
Olivia said that Jason's texts are so witty and perfectly timed. She said it was like the best part of her day to look at her texts. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. She said it took until the 4th date to even kiss. She said he was so smart and got her on the hook.
Howard asked where they went on their first date. Olivia said he invited her to sound check on the second night. She said that she thought it was a great date but he told her it wasn't a date. She said then he asked her to go to MOMA to see some art. She said she was completely distracted with him and she doesn't remember what she saw there. She said he was making her laugh. She said MOMA is the worst place to go on a date. She said that people kept coming up to him and telling him how much they like his Running Man thing on Saturday Night Live. Olivia said she pretended to not know what that was.
Olivia said she went to the show the next night. Howard asked if she has any issues with zits and things. She said of course she can. She said that she can look tired sometimes. She said she can look tired with the circles under her eyes. She said she gets hormonal acne too. Howard said he's happy to hear that.
Howard asked Olivia about how great that is that Jason held back. Olivia said that it's so great. She said she went to see the show with the Batemans. She said that she asked what she was doing wrong that he didn't kiss her. She said that night he finally kissed her and she was head over heels. She said she got the kiss and got out. She said she wanted to play that game too. Howard said this is like being on The Bachelor but with better looking people with better grammar.
Howard said the fourth date he does it. Olivia said she got a kiss in his apartment. She said she had to go home after that. Olivia said she was so enamored. Howard asked if they went all the way on that date. Olivia said that's the night she went home. Howard asked when they got down. Olivia said it was like a week later. She said it was about 5 weeks start to finish. Howard asked if there was any disappointment. He said there was so much build up and anticipation. Olivia said that Jason's family was great too. She said his sisters are like her sisters. Howard said they should just get married. Olivia said she can't wait to have more kids.
Howard said that Olivia played Micha Barton's lesbian lover on The O.C. She said she did and they lured her into it saying that she'd see live music every show. She said that she jokingly told them that she had to make out with Micha Barton and they thought someone had leaked the script to her.
Howard said Jason is working on that show Last Man on Earth. Howard said Olivia is doing Vinyl. Howard asked if anything is wrong in her life. Olivia said not at all. She said she's anti-Trump and she'll do whatever it takes. Howard said she's socially conscious too. Howard said she's like Leonardo DiCaprio. Robin said she's not banging chicks on a boat though.
Howard gave Olivia some plugs for Vinyl and asked if there are nay nude scenes. She said she has one this weekend and they all wear Merkins in the show because it takes place in the 70s. Howard asked how big her bush is. She said it's massive. She said it makes you feel less naked. She said you don't have as much showing. She said she remembers being really young and feeling nervous about it. She said she's glad she did it back then. Howard asked if she watches her old stuff. She said she doesn't but she might turn on the TV and see her 20 year old naked self. Howard asked how old she is now. She said she's 32.
Howard said Mick Jagger is an Executive Producer on the show. She said he is and she's had meetings with him. She said that she freaks out when he shows up. She said he came there every couple of weeks. She said that his son is in the show too. Howard asked if that upsets her. Olivia said he is good in the show so she gets it.
Howard asked if Martin Scorsese shows up too. Olivia said he does. She said she got this job because she had auditioned for Wolf of Wall Street. She said that's the role she was too old for. Howard said she must like that because Scorsese hired her off of that other audition. She said it was great.
Howard asked Olivia who she really wants to work with. Olivia said that she would like to work with Frances McDormand. Howard said he'll write something for her. He said it'll be a lesbian scene of course.
Howard asked if she watches Vinyl after doing it. Olivia said she does. She said this is the first ting that she's ever really watched. She said that she was on House for years and she doesn't watch that. She said she can see herself hanging on the script. Olivia said she played a bi-sexual on that show too.
Howard said they could talk all day. Olivia said she would love to. Howard said that she has revealed everything. Howard asked if she has anything that she wants to get off her chest. Olivia said she thinks she already did. Howard asked if they're going to have a big wedding. Olivia said they're not ostentatious so they won't do that.
Olivia asked if someone just got engaged on the show. Robin said it was Maria Menounos. Olivia said that must have been romantic. Robin said maybe she's talking about Ronnie. Howard said everyone is.
Howard gave Olivia some plugs for Vinyl and said you can see her big Merkin this weekend. Howard said that's something he wants to see. Howard said he has to jump right in to see that episode. Howard told Olivia to tell Mick Jagger to get in there so he can talk to him. Olivia said she would love to be there for that. Howard said she can come in too. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up. Howard told her to say hi to her man. Howard said that's a smooth guy. Howard asked where Jason is from. He's from Kansas. Olivia said she's not leaving. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his Jeff the Drunk impression for a second. Howard said he sounds so high. The caller said he smoked some hash today. Howard said he hasn't smoked hash since high school. Howard said that's too much for him. Howard said he did hash oil too. Howard said all the crap he used to put into his system. The caller said it's not chemicals. Howard said he did plenty of chemicals too. He let that caller go too.
Howard took a call from a guy who took a call from a guy who did the Riley Martin O Qua Tangin Wann thing with him. Howard said he can't believe that he's gone. Howard said he has to thank this guy The Phantom Gourmet who gave a shout out to Riley on his show. Howard played a clip of the guy doing that.
The caller talked about how great Olivia Wilde was. He said his interviews get greater and greater all the time. The caller asked if he heard the cover of ''The Sound of Silence'' that Disturbed did. Howard said he did and he listened to some of their other music too. Howard said they did a good job with that. Howard said Gary told him about it and it was pretty good. Fred had it ready to play so they listened to that for a short time. Howard said the guy singing looks like a pissed off Howie Mandel. He said the guy is all angry and pissed off looking in the video. Howard said Paul Simon took about 6 months to write this song. He said he wrote an average of about a line a week. They listened to quite a bit of the song and Fred played some clips of Robin singing over it.
Howard said maybe they should get this guy in there to sing the song. He said he's not even sure what the guy's name is. Howard said he's singing his ass off. Howard asked what his name is. Fred looked it up but Gary beat him to it and said that his name is David Draiman.
Howard played a song parody about Robin to the tune of The Sound of Silence. Howard said that's not a bad one either. Fred played more of Robin singing after that. Howard let the caller go and said he has so much to do but they're running out of time.
Howard said the fans are going wild with the Baba Booey shout outs at golf tournaments. Howard played one where a guy yelled out Baba Booey. He had a second one that was even clearer. He played a third one from another tournament that was really loud. Howard had one where a guy was putting and a guy yelled out a quick Baba Booey. Howard played another one where a few people yelled it out. Howard asked what they mean when they say it's a tough hole in golf. He said they're all tough.
Robin read a story about a woman who is suing over a toilet blowing her off the toilet when a backup of sewage came through in her own home. Howard asked how Wendy's toilet has never exploded. Robin said the damage in the woman's bathroom is estimated at $14,000. Robin said she's suing the city over this. Howard said he'd bet that Olivia Wilde doesn't shit. He said she pees like once a year.
Robin read about the legal marijuana business making like 3.4 billion last year. Robin said they expect it to go up this year.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's watching Billions yet. Howard said he has it recorded but he has so many other shows to watch. The caller said they even mentioned Sarno's book in the show. Howard said he has a life but he'll try to get caught up on the show. Howard said Ronnie tells him about how great the show is. Gary said the show is written by Brian Koppelman. Robin said Damien Lewis and Paul Giamatti are great in it. Howard said that he has the second season of Daredevil to watch. The caller said he's surprised he doesn't watch Shameless. Howard said he can't watch a show just because someone is naked. Howard said he's on YouPorn for naked. Howard said he will watch Vinyl to see Olivia Wilde naked with a Merkin. Howard said he didn't believe there was such a thing as a Merkin but apparently it exists.
Robin said that pot is legal for sale in 23 states. Robin said pot outsold E-cigarettes too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sour Shoes is amazing. He said he does Richard Simmons and he's amazing. Howard said he's right and he has so much Sour Shoes tape to play. Howard said when Keith Emerson died he called their voicemail as Baba Booey and it's amazing. Howard played some of that audio where Sour calls in as Gary and tells long stories about Emerson. Howard said he really has the Gary thing down. Sour was doing all kinds of things in that call. He was doing Gary, singing, telling stories and playing music.
Howard said George Martin died and this is Sour calling in as Gary to tell a story about George Martin. Howard played that and Sour is going on and on as Gary telling a story about George Martin. He was clearing his throat like Gary and saying ''noine'' a lot. Howard said it just goes on and on and on.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes and asked him for some Emerson Lake and Palmer. Sour played one of their songs and did his Robin impression too. Howard said he's shot out of a cannon today.
Robin got back to her news and read about scientists talking about how they can create temporary sterility in men. Robin said they are working on it to make it safe to use for years and they're trying to figure out how to make it work. Robin said they have a long way to go. Howard said he never trusts that they know. He said no one is going to take that pill. Robin said she was on birth control pills to help her out with a problem she was having. Howard said she's so feminine. Robin said she used to have terrible PMS. Howard said he sees her gushing like a fire hydrant.
Robin read a story about a man who shot some people in Michigan last month who is now saying that his Uber app was possessing him. Robin said he was seeing the face of the devil in the app. Robin had some audio of a prosecutor talking about that case.
Howard played a song parody about Robin's heavy flow. Howard said they must have had a conversation about it in the past. Howard said he'd probably be one of those girls who forgets about shoving a tampon up their vagina. Howard said he'd have to go to the gynecologist to get it pulled out. He said he knows he'd have stains in his panties. Robin said women have period panties. They're the panties that you don't mind getting soiled. Howard said he'd be a big ugly girl with a dainty period. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he ate breakfast at 2 in the morning while watching The Bachelor. He said he's been thinking about lunch for the past 3 hours.
Robin read about Sarah Palin's husband getting into a snowmobile accident and injuring himself. Howard asked how old that guy is. Robin said he must be in his 50s. Howard said he's too old to be on a snowmobile. Robin said he has broken ribs, shoulder blade, clavicle and a collapsed lung. Howard asked if he was popping wheelies. Howard said it's childish to ride a snowmobile. Howard said he'd ride one at like 20 miles per hour at the most. Howard asked where he was going that he had to go so fast. Robin said she doesn't know.
Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin talking about the protests at the Trump rallies. Howard said that she has time for that. Howard said her husband Todd wanted Alaska to secede from the United States. Howard said that's a good idea. Howard played some of the audio of Sarah talking about the protests. Howard said she has to stop yelling, please.
Howard took a call from Todd Palin. The guys in the back were playing Crackhead Bob clips where he's just saying ''Blah, blah, blah...'' Howard played more of the Sarah Palin tape and told her to shut up.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton chiming in on the Donald Trump rally incident. Robin had audio of her talking about that. Howard talked about how he wouldn't go out on the campaign trail because he'd end up getting sick. He said he'd talk on social media if he wanted to talk to people.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he's having suicidal thoughts. Howard said King has never once had a good phone connection. Howard said he's trying to talk to him but his phone connections have always been bad. King said he's not joking and he's not sitting at home. King said that Howard is making him feel worse. Howard asked what he's doing wrong. Howard asked what's going on with him. King said his father passed away and it's like his whole family is gone now. He said it's crazy. Robin asked if that makes him suicidal. King said not all the time but it crosses his mind. King said if he'd driving his care it seems to easy to veer off. Howard said he has to call someone and get some help. Robin said his family needs him. King said that's what stops him. Howard said dealing with loss is the hardest thing to deal with. King said it's better if you never loved someone. Howard said you have to love someone. Robin said you know everyone dies. King said it's not tough talk now. King said his dad gave him everything he ever wanted. He said that god takes his dad who is like that but he leaves guys here who are raping kids.
Howard said King needs to get help. He said he's not getting help calling a radio show. Howard said maybe he should call the authorities to get him. King said it's not like that. Howard asked what he would say to him if he was saying the same thing. King said he'd tell him the bullshit that everyone says about how time heals all wounds and all of that bullshit.
Howard said he can't solve these problems now. He said he knows who to call and what to do. He said he should call the suicide hotline. King asked why people tell you to go pray. Howard said he's not telling him to go pray. He told him something more practical. Howard said he can call Robin off the air and talk to her. King said he'll come to her house. Robin said he did that once. Howard let him go after that. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said if you call a radio show to talk about suicide you should really call someone who can help. He said he should call the suicide hotline if that's how he's really feeling.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and if he wins Ohio it's going to be really tough to catch him. Robin said that it would mean a whole hell of a lot of delegates for him.
Howard said there's a rumor that CBS is going to return the WNEW call letters. Howard said that's the rumor. He said that they can't have a rock station anymore. He said those days are over. He said he's glad they're out of that game. He said he got that story from the Tom Taylor newsletter.
Robin had more audio of Donald Trump talking about some stuff.
Robin read a story about Mayor de Blasio talking about protests and how they have to be done in a non violent manner.
Robin brought up Caitlyn Jenner and that led to Howard talking about her show and an episode he saw where she went on a bus ride with a bunch of transgender people. Howard said one of them was pretty hot but some of them just don't have a good look. Howard said the whole time you're looking at Caitlyn you just think about Bruce Jenner. He said this has to be the biggest story of the past 10 years. Howard said that the transgender peopled don't seem to like her very much though. Robin read about how Caitlyn might be changing her mind about Hillary Clinton. Robin said she has said that she likes Ted Cruz but she might be changing her mind. Howard said the reason the show isn't a success is because you see Bruce Jenner walking around as a woman talking about politics. Howard said that's not what transgender people do. He said he has hung out with them and they talk about going to the club and things like that. Howard said they talk about their cock being bound up in their panties and things like that. He said it's fun stuff. Howard said he should know if Caitlyn still has a cock. He said that's the stuff transgender people would talk about. Howard said the transgender people he hung out with were fun. He talked about ''Tabboo'' the transsexual that he had on one of his shows. He played a clip of her singing her own theme song. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about the cast of the play Hamilton going to the White House. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about 3D mammography getting a boost. Robin had audio of a woman talking about the future of 3D mammography. Howard said Robin's boobs need 4D because they're so big.
Robin read about how colorectal cancer is the second biggest killer. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said you really should get a colonoscopy. Howard said Ronnie won't get one. He said he's told him to do it but he just won't.
Robin read about the self driving car and Google is pressing to get their cars on the road. Robin said one of their cars hit a bus though. Robin said the Google car anticipated the bus was going to do something other than it did and it hit it.
Robin read about the season finale of The Bachelor and had some audio from their appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. They spent a few minutes talking about that and then ended the show. They were done around 11:40am.
Gary said they were talking about Tan Mom's 3 tones. He said she has the sexy one and then the ''Fuck you'' and then the ''Sal'' tone. He said she gets one about Sal that's very loving. Jon said he doesn't think anyone would argue about her being in the Wack Pack. Jeff said he thinks she was born into the Wack Pack. He said she was in it before she was even on the show.
Jon said he wants to talk about the shrink discussion they had today. He said Fred talked about seeing a shrink and one of the biggest surprises was Robin's response to them saying that she once declared that she was cured. Gary said she did say she was cured. He said that he knows that to be true because it spawns a bunch of jokes about it. Jon said then it got turned to Gary and Howard said Gary isn't seeing the right kind of person. Gary said of course the only right way to do it is the way Howard does it.
Jeff said he goes to a rinky dink place in a third floor walk up in Chicago and it's still $140. Jeff said he thinks Howard needs it to get through the day. He said he thinks Howard thinks he'll fall apart in his mind if he doesn't do that.
Gary said you should be done with therapy at some point. Gary said he was graduated but Fred had a good saying that you go back for tune ups. Jon said Fred also said that you move no to someone else if you don't get along with the therapist. Gary said it's proven that it works and you just have to find the right person.
Jon said you want someone to listen to you. He said that's what you really want. He said the next part is someone helping you fix the problem. Jon said most of it is just to be heard by someone else. Gary said that they listen to your bullshit for 50 minutes in a row. Gary said even a spouse will be like ''Enough'' at some point. Gary said he's not speaking from experience though. They went to break after that.
Jeff said a comic like that you wouldn't expect to have that much game. He put on his man hat and worked it from day one. Gary said he saw Jason talking about how people think he's her stalker. He said after hearing the stories today he sees why.
Jon said he's not sure if they'll ever get married. Jeff said he was listening on the way there today and he thought it was going to happen during the show today. Gary said Ronnie would have had an aneurysm if he had.
Jon said Olivia talked about meeting Chris Farley at 10 years old and it was some experience. Gary said Howard thought it was sad but he thinks of it in a different way. Gary said that Howard sees an angle to everything but he doesn't. He said he thinks he was just trying to cheer up a kid. Jeff said he was his idol as a kid. He said he wrote in his year book that he wanted to be doing what Chris was doing. He said if he was that chubby kid there and he did that for him to cheer him up that's how he connected with people.
Jon said that there are people who come on the show claiming to be the ugly duckling. Jon said that he knows what it's like. Gary said his ugly duckling phase has lasted from 9 until today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that interview with Olivia was maybe the best Howard has ever done. He said Howard just kept pushing it and pushing it and she answered everything. Jon said she was very intelligent and a good conversationalist. Gary said it was very conversational.
Jon said there are people who talk the game and some who live it. He said he felt like she was the kind of person who just came in and is going back home to be with the kids instead of going to another interview. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said he's sorry for breaking his heart. He said the thing is that it's not about presentation. He said it's about the food. Jon said when he goes to restaurants he wants more than a fist size portion. He also said he likes the plain food.
Jeff said he will get something like Jon does to make sure that he gets hotter food. Jon said it sounds more like they should go out to eat together. Jon said he loves Chicago for food. He said Jeff is in a great place for fast food.
Gary said when they talk about the menu at McDonald's he thinks that he'd rather eat a stick of poison. Jeff said there's something about the colors. He said it reminds him of childhood. He said they don't give his kid much fast food but they will go to McDonald's once in a while. Gary said his kids saw Super Size Me and they said they'd never go there. He said he has a friend who owns 5 McDonald's and he says that movie didn't slow them down a bit.
Jeff said he has a friend who owned a McDonald's and they used to have free reign in there and his brother swears that he invented the Double Quarter Pounder.
Jon asked Jeff about Howard's eating. Jeff said that Howard talked about eating Eggplant Parm and he'd like to know if it's breaded. Jon said he'd think it's just eggplant with some cheese on it. Gary said he has seen Howard eat that kind of stuff but it's maybe just one time a week. Jeff said his diet sounds exhausting to him. He said that he thinks it's fine to splurge on the weekends and just eat rationally during the week. Gary said he's not sure how Howard has done it. He saw him eat turkey and a baked potato every day for years. He said he ate that same meal for years. Jeff said that's so boring too.
Jon said Howard wanted to lose weight and get healthier. He said he thinks that he stuck to that path for years. Gary asked if they think Howard is going to turn into Johnny Carson when he retires for good. He said Carson was on a boat all big and fat. Jeff said he'll have the big beard and all of that. Gary said he talks about how big of a struggle it is. He said he's not sure what the struggle is when you're tired. Jon said he has to look good for Beth. Gary said Howard will outlive her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of The Sandwich King and his wife has a crush on him. Jeff thanked him for that. Gary said that Jeff looks like he's in shape. Jeff said if you see his first 2 seasons of Sandwich King he was huge. He said you get sucked up into it when you work on TV. Jeff said he had to do something about it. He said he wanted to get healthy to feel better and sleep better. Jeff said he started eating better and working out a little bit. Jeff said he walked there from SoHo this morning. He said he felt great. He said he was sweaty doing that but now he knows what Benjy feels like when he's late for work.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and asked Jeff what the results of the poll were. Jeff said that Sal got 42 percent of the votes. Lemet had 30.
Jon gave Jeff some plugs for his restaurant Pork and Mindy's and for The Kitchen on the Food Network. That's on at 11am on Saturday mornings. They ended the show around 12:15pm.
Howard started the show talking about today's guest Chris Martin from Coldplay. Howard said they have a piano set up in there for him. Howard said it looks like the kind he played on as a kid. Howard said that's what Chris prefers to play.
Howard said that he's going to mention the Bachelor so he had Fred play an Andy Cohen warning that things were about to get very gay. Howard said it's good to be gay. Howard said he's not the only man who watches The Bachelor. Howard said he read that Donnie Wahlberg watches it too. Howard said he talked about that girl who won and had the severe vocal fry. Howard said this relationship will not last. Howard said after the show they have After the Final Rose. He said maybe they should call the Wrap Up Show something like that. Howard said it could be ''After the Hey Now.''
Howard said he was complaining about that girl's speech yesterday. He said he's not going to do that today. Howard played some audio of the girl he was talking about with the vocal fry. Howard said that would make him insane.
Howard asked Robin why she was charging around the halls this morning. Robin said she wanted to talk to him but he looked pissed about something. Howard said he goes home and no one listens to him. He said his kids don't listen, his wife doesn't listen but there he's the boss. Howard said he was aggravated this morning. Howard said he thought Robin was going to talk to Richard. Robin said she saw what was going on and turned around.
Howard said his point about The Bachelor is after that ''After the Rose'' thing and Jimmy Kimmel's interview he sees that they're settling down and they're complaining about teach other. Howard said the girl was complaining about the Bachelor breathing really loud. Howard said they just got engaged. Howard said they're such a mismatch. Howard said she was also talking about how he prays every night and prays very loud. Howard said it must be hard to fuck a chick after you pray. Howard made up some prayers and did them really loud. Howard said she's saying that's pretty annoying.
Howard said they just got engaged and they were on Jimmy Kimmel Live complaining about each other already. Howard said that he's taking her on exotic vacations and all of this. Howard said the whole thing is crazy. Howard said the kicker to it was that the guy gets up at 7:30 and goes to the gym. Howard said he has no job to go to so of course he does that. Howard said he never had the chance to do that when he was that young. Howard said he had children at home to take care of. Howard said his gym was at work exercising his mouth. Howard said this guy is on TV thanking Bachelor Nation and how they supported him. Howard said he claims to be some kind of software salesman or something. Howard said he probably works in a hardware store.
Howard said The Bachelor goes to the gym and Lauren doesn't get out of bed until 11 in the morning. Howard said she lays like a lox. Howard said he's saying it in a fun way but they're annoyed. Howard said he dated a girl who he'd love to mention but he can't. Howard said he was watching porn and he saw a guy with the biggest cock. Howard said if he just had one like that. Howard said he has penis envy. Howard said women are supposed to have that. Howard said he has no cock and he's watching The Bachelor.
Howard said he dated this girl and he'd come home from work and she was just showering when he got home at 3 in the afternoon. Howard said he couldn't be with her if she's just starting her day at 3. Howard said she'd go out at night and he was like thank god. Howard said Beth gets up earlier than he does now. Howard said the Bachelor is getting up at 7:30 and going to work out. Howard said his parents have to sit him down and talk to him. Howard said they think that getting on Dancing with the Stars is going to get them more work. Howard said they have to do a story about the other Bachelors and see if they're still working. Howard said one had a job as a fireman. Howard said he had no personality but at least he had a job.
Howard said you can't be in a relationship where the guy is already annoying you after the most exciting thing in your life. Howard said this Lauren is annoyed by his breathing. Howard said he's annoyed by her laziness. Howard said the whole world has gone wacky.
Howard said that Rubio must be in hiding with Richard Simmons. Howard said he has Richard (Sour Shoes) on the phone again this morning. Howard took the call from fake Richard. Richard had all kinds of noise behind him and he claims that he's not being held hostage. He said he has a feather duster up his twat so it's hard to be held hostage.
Robin said it sounds like a party is going on there. Richard said that he has a hot Latin chick he's fucking right now. Richard said they're having a wet t-shirt contest by his pool.
Howard said he misses his laugh. Fake Richard did some of his laugh for Howard. He said hi to Fred and Fred gave him a Richard impression back. Richard gave him a Sour Shoes ''Ooooo'' and then asked where Gary was. He kept asking for Gary. He also said that his girlfriend's pussy lips are as big as Gary's lips.
Howard asked how many girls he's had sex with since yesterday. Richard said ''Noine.'' Sour was breaking character a little bit.
Howard asked Richard what he would do to Olivia Wilde if he had the chance. Richard said she had no makeup on the other day and he'd love to hold her captive for days. He said he's jumping over his pool on his Harley right now. Howard said he's very hetero now. Howard let Richard go after that.
Howard said Trump is saying that he'd like to save Richard Simmons. Howard said he might be appointed to do that. Howard said he won't be going to California to help him though.
Howard said that Wendy was saying she is going to a food court to get food that people leave out. Howard said she's like a pigeon. Howard said that's what they do. Howard said if you go on an island vacation birds are flying all around and that's like Wendy. Howard said she's so up front about needing money.
Howard said he thinks that she might be calling him Harold. Howard said even after all these year she might be calling him Harold. Howard said that any watermelon you find in a dumpster might be bad. He said don't eat it. Howard said Wendy was talking about eating one in that call. Howard said she got diarrhea from that.
Howard asked Tan Mom who is on the show today. He had a clip of her talking about Chris Martin coming up. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was watching Hillary Clinton and if he was her advisor he'd tell her to stop yelling. Howard said the reason she's not a good candidate maybe she'd hear herself yelling. Howard said you have to watch the tape of her yelling. Howard said she's losing her voice. Howard said he knows she's trying to be exuberant but she has to stop yelling. He did an impression of her yelling. Howard said what he hears in his head is his mother yelling at him to clean his room. Howard said Bernie Sanders is yelling too. Howard did an impression of him and he sounded like his dad.
Howard said Hillary has to calm down. He said she'll come off more presidential if she calms down. Howard said she has a microphone in front of her. Howard said someone has to advise her. Howard asked JD if he has an example. JD said he needs some time. He changed his mind in the middle of his sentence so Howard and Robin goofed on him about that. They played a song parody about JD after that.
Howard asked how much time he needs. JD said maybe 5 minutes. He said he's watching video right now. Howard said he loves that kid. He said he thinks it's breakfast time so he needs time to eat and then get to the clip.
Howard said he watched another episode of ''I Am Cait'' and the show bombs because they have a whole hour discussion about one of the transgender people saying she likes being called a ''tranny.'' Howard said there's another woman on the bus who looks like she was hit by a car. Howard said she is offended by being called a tranny. Howard said that's like the N-word to her. Robin said nothing is like the N-word, stop it. Howard said he didn't know tranny was a bad word. Howard said some of them like the word. He said he liked that the one woman was happy being called a tranny. Howard said they argued forever about that and Bruce Jenner didn't say a word. Howard said he's walking around in huge shoes staring at his own feet. Robin said she watched one episode where they were attacking Caitlyn about her sexual orientation. Howard said Bruce should just say he wants cock in his ass so bad.
Howard said there's one tranny who can pull it off. He said she looks like a woman. Howard pulled his headphones out for the second time today. Howard said he's aggravated by everything. Howard said he was working on that in therapy. He said nothing should aggravate him but he can't get there.
Howard said he has Bernie Sanders on the phone. He took the call from fake Bernie who said he is not yelling at all. He said this is his normal voice. Bernie did his voice at 1 percent and then 5 percent. Howard asked if he's going to drop out now. Bernie said he can't hear him because he lost his hearing-aide. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he's been following the Hulk Hogan trial and he thinks that he might win against Gawker. Robin said the editor's testimony was ridiculous. Howard said he had to go on and talk about what they posted. It was only about 9 seconds of sex but that's enough to fuck his mind up. Howard said at the trial they had to read the written description of what happens in the video and it was pretty graphic. Howard played a clip from the trial where the guy read the paragraph about what Hulk and the woman did. They got into detail and said that Hulk's penis was the size of a lunch box Thermos among other things. Howard said that steroids only affect the balls apparently.
Howard said Bubba always invited him to come down and fuck his wife. He thought he was kidding but apparently not. Howard said he'd like to know where she is with this going on. Robin asked if they mention her name. Howard said he loves this description about the size of his cock. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine what would have happened if he had fucked her and Bubba had the tape. Howard did an impression of the editor reading the description of what that would have looked like. Howard had the guy talking about Heather laughing at the size of his cock and things like that.
Howard said he's so happy he used his fucking head. Howard said he really thought Bubba was kidding. Robin said she never thought so. Howard did more of the editor reading the sex scene thing. Howard said Hulk got a pretty good write up. Howard said he had a Thermos penis. Howard did more of that read of his sex scene and went on and on about how small his penis is and how odd his body looks. Howard said they have to take a break because the jury is vomiting looking at the tape.
Howard played more of the tape of the real editor talking about Heather taking the condom off Hulk's penis and carrying it out like a dirty sock. Howard said he'd like to know who that guy is. JD said he's the founder of Gawker. Howard said he likes that accent he has. Howard said it's such a great trial. Howard said he thinks Hulk is going to bankrupt those guys if he wins. Robin said that's what they say might happen.
Howard said his love for Beth saved him from doing Heather. Howard said in the old days he might have done something like that.
Gary came in and said that Gawker has to put $100 million in escrow if they appeal the case and they don't have that kind of money.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said maybe he'll carry on. He took a call from a guy who said before they went on vacation last he did that Julie Chen and Les Moonves bit. He said during that bit he said he wished that Redstone would die. He said later that day he stepped down from CBS. Howard said he knows. He said he has a sixth sense about that stuff. Howard said he's not sure what there is left to say about that. Howard said he watched that whole power struggle going on over there. He said Les was the Program Director of the channels there and now he's running the whole thing. Howard said the rumor is that they're going to sell the radio division. Howard said Les doesn't love radio. He said he bashes radio but then he wants to sell it so it's a weird way to sell it. Howard said it's like trying to sell a car and saying it's a piece of shit but then asking top dollar for it.
Howard said everyone is waiting for Sumner Redstone to die. Howard said he just won't. He said that guy loves living and he's just hanging on.
The caller said that Conan O'Brien did an award show and he was on fire doing it. He said it was a sports award show. Howard said he didn't see it. Howard thanked him for the call and congratulated Conan for whatever it is the guy is talking about. They went to break a short time later.
Robin asked if it's about doing well. Howard said it is even after all these years. Howard said he shouldn't care that much. Howard said at one point he'll realize he's good at this.
Howard said one of the old ladies was only 60-something years old. Howard said some people age really poorly. Howard said if you were racist when you were young it's even funnier when you're old. Robin said they say with age comes wisdom but it really doesn't. Howard said that you don't get smarter. Howard said this nursing home sounds like the Wing Bowl.
Howard played a clip where Wolfie asked a woman what ethnic group is the worst. She says it's the blacks and Hispanics. She also talked about how bad the Jews and Muslims are. Howard said he loves old racist people. He said it's cute. He said you can't even argue with them. Howard said you think they're wise and don't argue with them because you know they're not going to be around much longer.
Howard played another interview where the woman told Wolfie about disliking the blacks and saying that her favorite racial slur is the N-word.
Wolfie said that you can tell that some of these people get worked up when you ask them about sex. Howard said Wolfie was saying that some of the old bags were attracted to him. Wolfie said some of them were eye fucking him. He said they range in age from their mid 60s to their 90s. He said there are some people there in bad shape.
Howard played a clip of one woman talking about how she thinks Obama is a monkey movie star. She was also saying that the Spanish are the laziest race in the country. She said she likes Howard Stern though. She said he's like Donald Trump. She said she likes Howard's wife too.
Howard played another interview where the old bag said the Spanish are the laziest. She also said she really likes Howard stern. She said when she can watch him she watches. Howard said that's nice. Robin said it is not. Wolfie said he thinks this comes from the town they live in because it's mainly Pennsylvania Dutch but then Hispanics moved in.
Howard said a lot of these women lose their husbands when they're like 40 years old and they haven't gotten laid in a long time. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a woman about what sucks when you get old. The woman said it sucks starting around 50. She said that you start losing your hair and sex isn't as good. She said you're not as wet as you used to be. Howard said a lot of women suffer from dry pussy. Howard said that Wolfie should have fucked her. Robin asked if Wolfie's grandmother is in this. Howard said it's probably best not to say. Wolfie said he's not going to say. He said he did ask her if she had an affair at all and she said no.
Howard played a clip of a woman talking about how she's 67 and she still has sex. She said that a lot of people have dildos there. Wolfie asked what she thinks about Bruce Jenner's sex change. She said it's disgusting. Howard asked if any of these women were fuckable. He said that they were more Betty White than Raquel Welch. Howard said he wants to go with him next time he goes. Howard said he thinks even he could get laid there.
Howard played another clip of a woman saying she last had sex 33 years ago and she's 76. She also talked about masturbating a month ago. She said that's the only way she gets satisfied. She also said her husband wasn't very good at it so he'd just hop on and finish and that was it. Wolfie said a lot of them were saying their sex lives were horrible.
Howard played a clip of a 71 year old talking about sex and how not much is going on in there now but it used to. She was laughing at the questions and her own answers. She said she likes it when some people die there. She laughed after saying that. She also complained about one woman there who has a stinky dog.
Howard played a clip of an 81 year old saying she had sex 10 years ago. She said what sucks about getting old is dying. She said she hopes that she just closes her eyes and no one has to see her suffer. She said her bowel control is really bad now. She also said her whole body aches. Howard said he's going to go jump out a window. Wolfie said it is depressing to be there. He said it reminds him of college dorms. He said there are still people arguing and they have clicks and all of that.
Howard said he hated high school because he was trapped in there with people who were out of their minds. He said now you get old and you get trapped with them again but now they shit on the floor. Howard asked if you can think of anything scarier. He said Freddy Krueger doesn't even scare him when he thinks about that.
Howard played a clip of a woman talking about how she thinks Bill Cosby is guilty and so is OJ Simpson. Wolfie asked what song she knows as the newest song. She sang ''You Are My Sunshine'' so Howard said it's time to end this. He wrapped up with Wolfie and let him go. They went to break after that.
Howard said the studio version of that song was recorded with a 30 piece string group. Howard said that Billy feels that they deserve to be in the hall of fame. Howard read some of the article in Rolling Stone. Howard said it really doesn't matter but it does to Billy. Howard said he shouldn't have to campaign.
Howard said he's with Billy on this. He said he should be in the hall of fame. Robin said they should have their own. Howard said he's going to start one and The Losers will be in it first.
Howard said Dave Letterman called a hardware store where he bought crazy glue. Howard played the phony phone call the guys made with Evil Dave. In the clip Dave told the guy at the hardware store that he and some friends were watching The Human Centipede and they decided to make one so he used some crazy glue to stick their faces together. He asked for some help with that. The guy had some suggestions but didn't think there was much they could do. Howard said that's some premise and said ''what a show.''
Howard asked where the worst place to live is. He said right near that farm. He said everything is getting shot over there. Howard said he loves that. He said it's so different than his upbringing. Howard said Richard's dad seems so nice and he doesn't get why Richard is so fucked up. He said he's out of his fucking mind. Howard said you'd think if you had a dad who was kind like that then you'd be normal.
Howard said Richard told him that his parents are eating a rabbit they froze 2 years ago. Howard said he thinks rabbit is disgusting. He said he doesn't want to eat that. Howard said that could be Richard's pet. Richard said he had lots of them as pets. He said his dad only shoots the wild ones. Howard said that their freezer must look like an animal cemetery.
Howard asked Richard about eating those animals and what it's like. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of his dad and goofing around with that.
Gary said that Richard was in the 4H club and they raised cows. He said after the 4H fair they'd take them to slaughter. Howard said they knew that story. Gary said he didn't know they knew that one. Richard said they did that with the pigs too. Howard said he won't eat pigs because they're fun loving animals. Richard said it was sad.
Howard said he's too into this animal rescue thing. He said that they have an amazing adult foster named Flower. Howard said she was kind of rotting away and he and Beth got her out. Howard said they got her help with her eye and she's doing great. Howard said she is the best cat he's ever had in the house. Howard said she'll roll on her back and let you rub her belly. He said she'll run into your arms too. Howard said she's about 6 years old and really sweet. Howard said that's why he stopped eating all the animals. He said he thinks Richard's dad would make jerky out of her though.
Howard said Flower is kind of like Leon. He said Leon is much bigger though. Robin said he's very long too. Howard said he's like 18-22 pounds and follows him around like a dog.
Howard said he thinks they have 6 cats. Robin said she thought they had 7. Howard said he may have lost count. Howard said it's very disturbing to look at Richard's shaved head. Howard said they had a meeting yesterday and he was looking at the crowd and wondered who the old guy was in the back. He said he's bald now and he looks old. Howard said that shaved head makes him look like an eraser. Richard said he's going to grow it back. He said his wife wants him to grow it back too. He said his barber closed so he just did it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she can't wait for Chris Martin. Howard played a song parody about Mariann.
Mariann said that there's a new Steve Harvey show out that's going to crush America's Got Talent. Howard said he has so many shows. Robin said that Ellen is producing that show with Steve. Howard said he should produce shows with them too. Robin said that she's not sure who has more shows, Steve or Michael Strahan. Robin said he's doing all kinds of things too.
Mariann interrupted so Howard said he has to go. He hung up on her a short time later. Howard said that was Daniel Mendelson with the Mariann from Brooklyn song. He played it again.
Howard said that Little Mikey wrote a song about him watching The Bachelor. Howard played it and said he should stick to the Robin songs. Howard said that he has a song about Sal and his ''Prelevant'' screw up. That was by James Cargill.
Howard said someone has to get a hold of Hillary to stop yelling. He said he mentioned it earlier. Howard played a clip of Hillary yelling at an event. Howard said she can just speak at the level they're speaking out now. Howard said you don't have to yell into these microphones. Howard said she's losing her voice.
Howard played a phony Arnold Schwarzenegger message for Ronnie on his engagement.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a sex tip but he was so slow getting it out that Howard just hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a Thermos sized cock himself and his wife doesn't appreciate it. He said Howard is better off being small. He said he hurts his wife with his and he doesn't like doing that. Howard said he'd like to be able to hurt his wife. Howard said you always want what you don't have. The caller said that they have to ease into things when they have sex. Howard said don't complain about it. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Chris Martin. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said the music business is tough. Howard said Sly and the Family Stone were big but then they left. Robin said she thinks that was a drug problem. Howard said that Chris Martin is there. Howard said whenever he speaks to someone in the studio you never know if you'll ever see them again. Howard said he was just talking about an interview with Billy Corgan. He asked if Chris thinks he's a genius and belongs in the hall of fame. Chris said he does belong in it. He said he has a friend in the green room who is a huge Smashing Pumpkins fan. He said he's a big fan of the original band.
Howard said that he feels for Billy and he shouldn't have to campaign for that. Chris said ''note to self...'' about that. Howard asked if Chris thinks Coldplay belongs in there. Chris said they're not up there age wise yet. Howard said he's going to go on a hunger strike if he doesn't get in.
Howard said he read that Chris is now eating meat. Chris said he is sometimes. Howard said he thought he was a vegan for a while. Chris said he likes to mix it up. Howard asked if he craves that protein. Chris said he doesn't know. He said he hasn't spoken about this for a while. He said he likes vegetables and sometimes he likes tacos. He said he brought Robin some cookies too.
Howard asked Chris to teach him to write a song. Howard said he read somewhere that he said part of the song writing process is writing in a journal and he writes down everything that comes into his head for 12 minutes. Chris said that's something he does every morning. He said he was trying to work out feeling shitty waking up in the morning. He said what Einstein did was write down what he had in his head and then he'd throw it away. He said it makes the world a lot less aggressive. He said it's a form of therapy.
Howard asked Chris if he'd like to save those pages. Chris said it's the worst stuff you can think of so no. Howard said he has tried to be a journal writer but his fear is that someone will find the journal. Howard said a journal is only good if you can write everything in there. Chris said he'd like to hear what's in Howard's head. Howard said he thinks everyone has horrible thoughts. Howard said it's not good to censor yourself.
Chris said that it's what you do that counts, not the thoughts you have. Chris said there's a poem about how to handle that by some 12th century writer.
Howard said he used to write down his most awful thoughts. Howard said that's what Chris is doing. Robin said he tears them up though and he doesn't save them.
Howard said after Chris' divorce he went out and got a Sufi master. Howard asked who taught him that. Chris said he likes to have his eyes open and see what people are saying. Chris said he just knows this one person. He said he's not that deep into it. He said that he has people who turn him on to people like this. He said it's like having a teacher.
Howard asked Chris about why he went to this guy. Chris said he likes to learn how people are happy and how they get there. He said you have to accept that you're not going to be happy all the time. He said you can't beat yourself up over being human. Howard asked if he thinks that we have to liberate ourselves and say it's just a thought. Chris said that pop stars have to become famous to validate their lives. He said that's what it's like for him.
Howard said Chris goes out on tour and he's a god when he's out there. Howard said he has thousands of people wanting him. Howard said then he goes home and none of that exists. Howard said it's embarrassing to admit that he needs that. Howard asked if the marriage becomes too ordinary and doesn't compare to the thrill of being on stage. Chris said that's a marvelous question. He said that when it comes to marriage it's two people having kids and being friends. He said that adrenalin rush is hard to replace off stage. He said that's why people get into things after they get off stage. Chris said he hasn't been on tour for 3 years so he's going to be looking for that. Howard asked if it's hard to not be on tour. Chris said it's good to be normal and see what comes up song wise. He said the band was fine with it too. He said he wanted to wait for them to be excited about touring again.
Howard said he wishes he could be in the band. He said he'd like to play a guitar solo with them once. Chris said he's welcome to do that. Howard said it must be hard to be in the band with Chris because he's the guy getting the attention. Howard said he writes all of the songs. Chris said they have a production line thing that works for them.
Howard said Chris has said that this might be the last Coldplay album. Chris said you never know. He said he's been playing with his friend Phil since they were 13. He said that one guy they met when they were 18. Howard said it would be his decision if it was time to end it. Chris said bands are good because of their unique chemistry. He said they're not going to be good solo artists. He said that he loves being with his band mates. He said he comes in there alone because he likes talking to Howard.
Howard said that this isn't a marketing ploy, right? Chris said it's not. Howard said The Who have tricked him like 50 times now. Chris said that everyone in the group is equal and they have to agree to keep going.
Howard said the new album is out and it's called ''A Head Full Of Dreams''. Howard said the last album was about his break up. Chris said it was about how to handle that stuff. He said he was 35 at the time and he was thinking about how you handle all of that stuff. Howard said he's been divorced too and he knows how much it sucks.
Howard asked Chris about starting the band and being in the Rocking Honkeys. Chris said that he had a friend who started the band and he was told he was going to be playing piano. He said he had no idea what a honkey was. He said he was more like an apprentice in the band. He said that the guy was 15 and he was only 14. He said the kid would yell at the band like James Brown because he was the one who studied James Brown.
Howard asked what the big thing was that they covered. Chris said they covered Otis Redding. Robin asked where that guy is now. Chris said his name is Justin Timberlake.
Howard said then Chris was in a band called Bunga. Howard said Chris said he played ''Been Caught Stealing'' and a girl told him that they had just ruined the song for her. Chris said that you have to accept that some people aren't going to like some of your work.
Howard said Chris writes songs for other people and he once sent a song to David Bowie. Chris said he was on pills after surgery once and he wrote this song he dreamt. He said he got hold of David and he told him it wasn't one of his best. He said that was great because it wasn't one of his best. Howard said he'd like to hear that. He said he bets it's not that bad. Chris said sometimes even when the band is doing it they'll reject it.
Chris said Bowie came to see them perform and he did the song for him in person. He said that Bowie was great but a different person. He said this was years ago too. Chris said they messed around on the piano a bit and David was like ''Nah.''
Howard asked what his favorite Bowie song is. Chris said it's ''Life on Mars.'' Chris said he just learned it with Jimmy the other day. Howard said it's a fabulous song. Chris said he was reading about how he came up with the song. He told Howard the story about how a song was going around in French and he got them in English and they ended up going off and nothing happened to them. then years later he heard Frank Sinatra singing the song in a different key in the song ''My Way.''
Howard asked Chris to perform the song. Chris went into ''Life on Mars'' playing it on his piano. Howard said he was loving the song and then he stopped in the middle. Howard asked if he felt it wasn't going over. Chris said he felt that Bowie was telling him from Heaven that he wasn't doing his best. Howard said he thought it was amazing. Chris said if this was America's Got Talent he thinks Howard would have hit his buzzer by now. Howard said that show really is rude. Chris said he was nervous doing the song. He said he thought he should wrap it up. Howard said he doesn't think artists know how much they appreciate hearing them doing other songs.
Howard said he heard that Chris does a cover of The Beatles ''We Can Work It Out''. Chris said he heard that Howard wanted to hear it so he worked it out. Howard said he heard that's what he wanted to do. Howard had him do what he felt comfortable doing. Chris said he'd do about a minute of it. He did about that much and stopped. Howard said he was loving that too. Chris said if there are any cruise ships listening... Howard said he gets it now. He knows why he's not into that.
Howard talked to Chris about suffering from OCD. Chris said he may have had some of that. Howard said he feels that you almost have to get into it. He said it's a control thing. Howard said he had it terribly. He said he had to do rituals to get things to go right. Howard said he had the counting thing. Chris said he did too. He said he had to do things repetitively. Chris said if your job involves something you don't have control over you think about what can work to keep it going. Howard said if you sell millions of albums you want to keep it going.
Howard asked Chris about Viva La Vida and how he comes up with a song like that. Chris said it just came out in sort of one go. He said they were in tour in Mexico City and there was an artist there who had a painting that was ''Viva La Vida'' and he liked it so he jotted that down. He said he put it in his phone actually. He said he though it was a great title. He said he tries not to look rude doing that but he may get on his phone to jot down a song. Chris said he got the title and then got the feeling and just waited. He said that there were other songs that he tried writing as Viva La Vida but they didn't work.
Howard said Chris tried a lot of songs in the studio then. Chris said it wasn't in the studio. He said he just started it out simple. Howard asked if he did it on guitar or piano. He said he can do it on either. Howard asked which is best. Howard told him to do it on guitar just to show he can play guitar. Howard jokingly said he's had it with him and being able to play more than one instrument.
Chris played the song ''Viva La Vida'' for Howard as it came up to him when he was writing it. Chris asked if he wanted him to keep going. Howard said he has to do the whole song. He told him to keep going. Chris kept going and did the whole song.
After the song Howard said he wishes he could do that. Howard asked if he walked in with that and played it for the band. He said they must have been out of their minds. Howard asked if he knew it was going to be a huge hit. Chris said he never knows. Howard said the band had to know it was great. Howard asked if they have ever told him something isn't that great. Chris said they have. He said as long as 3 or 4 of them are into it then it gets done. Howard said that the album version could have been that. He said he liked that version. Howard said it's very good.
Howard said that Chris keeps wanting to stop the song. Howard said when he did the Super Bowl he had to do that. Howard asked if he liked that experience. Chris said they loved it. Howard said each song has to be presented in a montage. Chris said when they were asked to do it they thought it was going to be next year. Chris said they were asked to do the 50th year. He said once he let go of it being about them they thought about just trying to make something with loads of people getting along together. Chris said they wondered if they could get along with the other people. Howard said Beyonce was there and Bruno Mars was doing his thing. Howard asked if they were trying to show the diversity of cultures. Chris said that it was more about just making it more about them and their band. He said they were doing the dancing thing and that's exactly what he can't do. Chris said he spoke to Jimmy Fallon about the dancing thing yesterday. He said he can dance for 3 seconds and he still gets comments about how he can't dance.
Chris said he's so grateful they got to do the Super Bowl. He said he's happy for Beyonce getting to do what she did. He said it was showing the strength of the females too.
Howard asked if Chris' kids are showing any musical ability. Chris said they are and they were in a band called Birds of Prey. He said they broke up though. He said the kids are 9 and 11. Howard said if Chris were his dad would he take him under his wing and teach him the family business. Chris said that he might send them to a music teacher but he'd encourage them. Howard asked if he ever shows off his super powers for them. Chris said they actually sing on the new album. Howard said Gwyneth is on the album too. Chris said there are lots of people on the album. Howard said that his girlfriend is on it too. Chris said he doesn't want to confirm or deny anything. Howard said that way he can date other people. Chris said he doesn't like to feed the tabloid machine.
Howard said when he was dating his wife he loved going out with her. Robin said that Howard did hide away some of the women he dated. Howard said he did. Howard said god knows what harem he has in his house. Chris said he doesn't feel comfortable talking about that but anything else he's fine with.
Howard said he feels like it's a difficult life. Chris said he has nothing to complain about. He said sometimes things are tricky but that's everyone's life.
Howard gave Chris a plug for his album ''A Head Full Of Dreams'' and said it's available everywhere albums are sold... which is nowhere. Howard said that it's got to be tough in the business now. Chris said they are very lucky that people show up to their shows. He said any measurement is hard to gauge. Howard said that it's gauged by how many people show up to their shows. Howard asked if he's against streaming music. Chris said not at all. He said he wants everyone with the gift of music to be able to survive. He said maybe some day there will be a monthly fee and you get any music you like. Robin asked if he's making CDs since Kanye said he's going to stop. Howard said with CDs at least they still have cover art. Chris said they still put them out.
Chris said he likes having that 45 minutes of music that kind of tells a story. He said this new album does that and so did the last one. Howard said that it's tough to get everyone together to make an album. He said you might as well make a whole album.
Howard asked Chris about the guys he did the album with. They produced Beyonce and people like that. Howard asked Chris if he had to audition for them to get them to be their producers. Chris said they did. He said you have to go back to the start. Howard asked if they should be sucking his balls. Chris said he did that but that's everyone who works with them. He was joking and said that told Howard how they worked with them.
Howard asked Chris about the song he was about to perform. It was called ''Hymn for the Weekend.'' He told Howard it's about when someone comes into a room and you have a good feeling about it. Howard said he knows what he's talking about but he'd love to know who it's about. Chris went into the song and played it on his piano.
After the song Chris said it's very early to sing that song. He said it's much better on the album. Howard asked if he did the song like that for the Norwegian producers. Chris said he did. Howard asked if he had to do it in wooden shoes. Chris said maybe. Chris said Howard and Robin have been together for a very long time and they understand that they need each other. He said that's what life is about. He said together is better.
Howard asked if Chris is in a happy place. Chris said he's in a grateful place. Howard said that Chris has talked about how he wishes he had a late night club song. Howard asked what he means by that. Chris said he's talking about the song where all you hear is the sub base in a car or in a club. He said that's all you hear now in the clubs. He said he wishes he had just one of those.
Howard said you can find out more about the Coldplay tour at Coldplay.com. Chris told Howard about the tour and how amazing it's going to be. He said they have cool stuff happening and they're very proud of it. Chris said being English it's hard to accept that they're successful but they are doing pretty well with that now.
Howard asked Chris if he has a song in his head today that he wants to write. Chris said not every day but today he does have something. Howard wanted to hear what it is. Chris got on the piano and played what he had. Howard said it sounds like it could be a hit song. Chris said it could be for someone else right now. Howard had him play it again while he made up some lyrics. Howard sang about needing a woman and being a big nosed Jew. Chris got in on the chorus and sang ''Big Nose Jew'' with him. Chris said that's kind of weird.
Robin asked if he has a title for that song. Chris said he was thinking of ''Big Nose Jew'' actually. Howard asked if Howard just ended their careers. Howard said he might have. He said he wants to sell that song to Roger Waters.
Howard said that Chris has done it again. He said he's come up with a new album that they're all excited about. Howard said he likes the new song they're working on. He said they can clean it up. Chris suggested changing it to ''Big Ol' Shoe.'' Chris said they know what people say about people with big feet. Howard said it means Thermos sized penis.
Howard asked if Chris hangs out with Paul McCartney. Chris joked that Paul doesn't like their band but he told Howard he's joking and he has seen Paul but doesn't hang out with him. Howard asked if he can hang with the Stones. Chris said guys like Mick Jagger and Bruce are more like mentors. He said he loves listening to what they have to say. Howard said he called Springsteen up on the phone before he did the Super Bowl. Chris said he called Bruce before he did the Super Bowl too. He said that he thought it was great and Bruce did it. He said he also called Bruno Mars and he was lovely too.
Howard asked what Bruce told him to do. Chris said it's very technical. He said that Bruce told him to have a lot of people around since he can't dance. He said that it just went on from there. He said he told Bruce his show was great. He said the advice he got was more spiritual than anything.
Howard said that Bruce told him that the half time show is a muscle memory thing. Chris said he thinks he was saying it's a very short show so you have to know exactly what you're doing.
Howard gave Chris some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Howard asked when he's going to see him again. Chris asked what he's doing this afternoon. Howard said he's busy. He wrapped up and went to break after that. As they went to break they played an Ed Sheeran song and Ronnie Mund singing a song.
Howard said Benjy just walked in. He said he must have been out relieving himself. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Benjy and goofed on him for a few seconds.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could go through life with a full head of hair and a tiny penis or a bald head and a huge penis, which would he do. Howard said having his hair is most important. Howard said he doesn't want his dick any smaller. He said he'd have to keep the hair. He said being bald he'd never get laid.
Howard said he would love a big penis but maybe it's best he doesn't. Howard said he probably would have done the show nude back in the K-Rock days if he did have a big one. Howard said if he was big he knows he'd be able to pee in front of other men. Howard said he's afraid they'll see his button sized penis. Howard said he'd love to be able to go to a nudist colony and sit on a couch naked. The caller asked if he thinks his personality and confidence would have been affected. Howard said it would have. He said it would have been a relief to him.
Howard said it's time for some news. Howard played Robin in with a song parody to the tune of a Coldplay song. Howard said he loves the guitar part in that song. Robin asked who did those. Howard said Coldplay. Howard played another couple of parodies to the tune of Coldplay songs. Howard said Eli Braden was on two of those and Fat Lou was one.
Robin started her news saying that President Obama has selected someone for the Supreme Court. Robin said he has picked the guy and his name is Merrick Garland. Robin read about how he was appointed to federal court by Bill Clinton. Robin said that seat won't be vacant for Howard when Donald Trump becomes president. Howard said it looks like Trump is working his way there and if he becomes President then they'll be able to do just about anything they want to.
Robin asked about this rule that they have about not putting people to death if they're retarded. Howard said he has ruled on this before. Howard said that he knows people with nothing going on upstairs. He said that every one of them knows not to kill someone. Howard said all of the Wack Pack knows not to kill anyone. Howard said Bobo's IQ is what. Bobo was on the phone and said he's got an 89 IQ. Howard asked Bobo if he knows not to kill. Bobo said of course he does. Fred told Howard that Bobo has an IQ of 87 so he's padding it. Howard asked why he's lying. Bobo said that's what he thought it was.
Robin read a story about a guy who was convicted of killing someone and he meets the level of intellectual disability and they're not going to put him to death because of that. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin said she doesn't get that either. Howard played a song parody about Bobo and how they should hang up on him. They called Bobo a cunt in that song. Howard said that was Tom Izzo with that song parody.
Bobo said he loves Chris Martin and it captivates you. Howard said he has to agree with him. He said he wishes he had completed ''Life on Mars''. He said he is a terrific talent. Bobo said he's going to get that album Head Full of Dreams. Howard said maybe he should get a head full of hair.
Robin read about the OJ Simpson show and how people are riveted over that. Howard said he's over it so he's not watching it. Robin said they recently unearthed a knife on OJ's property but now they're saying the DNA tests have failed to tie it to the murders. Howard said the guy is guilty in his opinion and at least he's in jail even if it's for something else.
Howard said they asked Gary the Conqueror to make the sound of what it's like to orgasm. Howard played the clip and he thought Gary was asking for a kiss at the end but he was asking for a tissue. Howard said that guy knows you can't kill anyone.
Robin read a story about Mother Theresa being made a saint. Howard said the only problem he has is that she told poor people in India not to use contraception. Howard said that's not cool. Howard said he's fine with making her a saint. He said he's in the radio hall of fame and she's a saint.
Robin read about how people are putting powder in their smoothies. Howard said that he eats food and he will throw in salads and stuff. Howard said that's the perfect way to eat. He said you don't need powders. Robin said Gwyneth Paltrow uses something called Stardust. Howard said you don't need any of that. Howard said just do what he does and you'll be fine. Howard said he's in pretty good shape for a guy his age. Howard said he doesn't do anything fancy. Robin said maybe he'd be better with the powders. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Robin read a story about the play Wicked getting up to a billion dollars. Howard said he saw it with his daughter and liked it. Robin said that the Lion King is up there too. Howard said he liked Lion King too when his kids were young. Howard said he saw it a couple of times. Howard said he had to do it for the kids. Howard said George Takei's play ''Allegiance'' is in the $10 club. Robin said that George is upset with Chris rock over something he did at the Academy Awards. Robin said it was over that Asian kid bit he did. Howard said George has to get in there. They haven't seen him in a long time. Howard said next time George is in they should have ''Chris Rock'' call in and talk to him. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like with a fake Chris Rock. Howard said the best was when they had fake Arnold Schwarzenegger call in. He said they have to have Chris call in and offend George in every way he can.
Robin read a story about the election results from last night. Robin said Donald Trump took every state up for grabs except Ohio. Howard said that he got all of that and he's still not the nominee. Robin said it's getting close. Howard said he wants to go to Camp David and take pictures. Howard had a clip from a news report from one of the election result reports where a guy yelled out Baba Booey.
Robin read more news about the election results and had some clips for Howard to play. Howard said he's sick of the whole thing already. He said he's in a pickle. He said he's been supporting Hillary all these years but he's friends with Trump. He said his problem is that he can only vote once. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard said he loved that Chris was able to play something he had in his head. Howard said he can't do that. Robin said if she does it she's humming something horrible. Howard said Chris seems like a real nice guy. Robin agreed. Robin said he was so heartfelt and said he's so happy she's healthy. Howard said he was really just really nice. Robin said it was very sweet.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how come he has to wear headphones in radio when TV doesn't have to. Howard said he has to hear everything going out because he's controlling it all. Howard said he's mixing the show and monitoring the levels of the microphones and all of that. The caller asked what Gary is doing. Howard said he's doing nothing. Howard said he has a broom in his ass so he can sweep up too. Howard said you have to wear headphones if you're in radio. The caller said he'll never ask for anything and he'll never meet him. Howard thanked him for that.
Robin read a story about the next debate being set. Robin said that Trump is fighting with Megyn Kelly again and he doesn't want to do another debate. Robin had some audio of Trump saying he was never told about it and he has something else planned for that night. Trump also said he thinks they've had enough debates. Howard said he thinks he's right. Howard said there are only 40 more debates before the election. Robin said Trump says Megyn Kelly is unwatchable. Howard said he has to disagree with him on that. Howard said she's very watchable. He said she has that Robin Wright Penn hair cut and she's able to pull it off.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton winning every state yesterday but Bernie Sanders is just ignoring that. Robin had some audio of Clinton talking about her wins last night and other stuff. Howard said again that she's yelling too much. Howard said they have to give her some microphone technique. Robin had some audio of Chelsea Clinton talking about her mom and Trump. Howard said when Donald and Hillary start debating it's going to be great. He talked about some of the things they might discuss. Howard said it's going to be a massive debate.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown. He asked where he's been. Yucko said he's been filming stuff and they did a segment (See it at DamnShow.com) with a Transgender or a ''transender'' as Ronnie would say. He said she had the nicest tits he's ever seen in his life. Howard said Yucko has evolved into a man who finds himself attracted to a transgender. Yucko laughed. He said from the waist up she looked like a chick. Howard asked how the sack was when he fucked her. Yucko said he didn't see that. Howard said most men who become women have nice tits. Yucko said the nipples were in the wrong spot. He said he likes them to be centered but they were on the side. Howard thanked Yucko for the call.
Robin read more about the primaries and Donald Trump. They had a clip of some women talking about a quote where Trump said a flat chested woman can't be a 10. Howard said they could credit this show for that quote since that's where he said it. Howard said some of the liens were said in jest but when they say it they sound worse. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Brian Johnson saying that he's been kicked out of AC/DC. Robin said the other day they were saying it was because of his hearing but now there are reports saying that he was given the boot by the band. Howard said he can't believe this story. Howard asked who they're going to get. Howard asked how many people are left in AC/DC. Howard said it's just Angus. Fred said the bass player has been in the band since like 1977. Robin said the drummer is in jail. Robin said that Malcolm got Alzheimers or some other kind of dementia. Robin said Jim Breuer is saying that Angus wanted to keep going for another 10 years and he thinks that Johnson's hearing problems would put an end to that. Howard said that Jim will come in and clear this up for them. He said that's not for a long time though. He said Jim taking over might not be so bad. Robin said even Artie did a great impression. Howard said maybe the two of them can alternate.
Robin read that Harrison Ford is going to be coming back to do another Indiana Jones movie. Howard said he'll have to prepare himself. Robin had him play the theme song from the original.
Robin read about how Jerry Seinfeld sold some of his cars at auction and he made $22 million doing it.
Howard took a call from Fake Harrison Ford who said he can't wait to do another god damn movie. Howard said Harrison is excited about making a sequel and it's very hard to tell when he's excited. He had him demonstrate his happy voice and his upset voice. Howard said he was just talking about how hot his wife is the other day. Harrison said she has to deal with his prostate. Harrison said they're going to call the movie Indiana Jones and the Artificial Hip. He said they had other titles like Indiana Jones and the Search for the Remote and things like that. He said one scene is where he and the Nazis are in an old age home and shitting in their pants. Howard said this is the most exited he's ever heard Harrison Ford. Howard said he has as much expression as Lurch. Harrison said he learned from Lurch. He said he taught him how to hold it all in and keep it to himself. Howard thanked Harrison for the call and let him go. Harrison said he had to go change his diaper anyway so it's a good time to go. Howard asked if his wife helps him change his diaper. He said she does but sometimes he'll just keep going. Howard said he's looking forward to the new movie now that he's called in. Howard said he actually met Harrison. He said he was actually very nice to him. He said he listens to the show. Robin said she met him and she wasn't able to talk. Howard said he would have set her up with him but he took up with Calista.
Robin read about the Hulk Hogan and Gawker trial. Robin had some audio from the trial. Robin said Hogan is suing for $100 million.
Robin read a story about Barry Diller and Diane von Furstenberg having their dog cloned. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said it's not the same dog. Robin said they had it cloned into two new pups. Howard said just go adopt a dog at the pound. Howard said he tried to clone Hank the Dwarf but it didn't work. He said that might actually be fun to do. He said 100 Beetlejuice might be a blast. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Steve also talked about Tan Mom and Big Foot. Steve said he thought Big Foot was putting on and act the first time he heard him. He said it was mind boggling when he found out it was a real guy.
Jon said that Sour Shoes has been calling in as Richard Simmons the past couple of days. He said he hits every impression out of the park. Steve said he likes hearing Sour do Gary better than Gary doing Gary. Gary said he's with him on that. Jon said Gary said he doesn't hear it. Gary said it's not dead on to him. Steve said he loves the throat clearing. Jon said he always slips in the ''noine'' in every impression that he does.
Steve said that he clears his throat a lot too and he's terrified of doing it with them today. Jon asked Gary if he does it all the time. Gary said he doesn't give it a second thought outside of work. Gary said anyone who does bring it up outside of work is an asshole. He said none of them are his friends. Gary said it's just people you see out there.
Jon said he wants to talk about Richard and his parents dining on a two year old rabbit. Jon said Richard came in with his new hair cut which is a shaved head. He said Howard was put off by that. Gary said his wife saw him on Facebook. She asked if he's bald. Gary said it's not completely bald but it's like peach fuzz. Jon said he has done this before and it is a striking look. Gary said he thought it was going to be completely shaved. Steve said Richard is his favorite on the show and he doesn't care what he looks like. He said it does look pretty weird though.
Jon asked Gary about the 2 year old frozen rabbit. Gary said if he had chicken in the freezer for 2 years you'd find that weird. Steve said he isn't a meat eater himself so he doesn't even think about it. He said he's a vegan. Gary asked if it freaks him out that they raised pigs and had them killed after the 4H fair. Steve said that's the way he was raised. Steve asked about the freezer and if stuff is ruined after 2 years. Gary said it gets freezer burn. They spent a short time talking about that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Wolfie is bringing his A game to the interviews lately. He said that he has to give him an A+ for the interviews he's been doing. Gary said he's been great. Jon said you think these people are in their 90s but some of them are 30 years younger. Gary said his mother's nursing home has some really old people but there was a woman in her mid-60s who had a stroke and she was like these women today and she was all pissed off.
Jon asked Steve what it was like. Steve said no one wants to see old people and it's kind of sad. He said they get tucked away in these homes and it's a reality of life and it's scary. He said he doesn't want to get old. Steve said all he did was read bingo numbers or deal Blackjack and do Karaoke.
Gary said he's going to go to Oregon and drink a cocktail before he'll go into one of those homes. He said he'd rather die than go into one of those places. He said there is no quality of life there. Gary said maybe assisted living but after that he doesn't want any part of it. Steve said he was just thinking about how you get old and go into a home and then Steve-O shows up.
Jon asked Steve about his upcoming Showtime comedy special. Steve said he was on the show in 2010 talking about doing comedy and he got into it then and he got his own special. He said it's really exciting. Gary asked what he says he does for a living. Steve said he's an entertainer. He said he still does the wildly stupid stunts. He said he might get hurt this weekend doing a stunt. Gary asked if he's shooting it. Steve said he is but he'll probably just put it all online. Steve said they made a port-a-potty out of wood and he will have a chair sitting on top of it when a car hits it at 50 miles per hour. Steve said that they're trying to figure out the physics of what might happen to him when it happens. Steve said he still does the crazy stunts. He said he does his comedy show in order and he does really crazy stunts in that.
Jon asked if people expect him to do the crazy stunts. Steve said not in comedy clubs. He said he does physical stuff though so it is kind of a variety show. Gary said his son did a book report about Steve's book that came out a few years ago. He said the book was really good. Steve said that it has an average rating of 5 stars on Amazon.
Jon gave Steve some plugs and then went to break.
Gary asked if he can have kids. Steve said he thinks that sperm count might be okay but it's the ball cancer that he worries about. Gary asked if he had a kid that saw what he did would he worry about that. Steve said it might be a miserable existence trying to keep the cat from getting out of the bag. Steve said he might have to get a vasectomy.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the Sour Shoes Richard Simmons impression and if they think that guy can be harnessed into an Andy Kaufman kind of character. He said he saw him do a show a few weeks ago and it was insane. He said he thinks he's underrated. Gary asked what he does in the show. The caller said Shuli tries to manage the conversation but Sour was going from character to character and he was never shy on content. Gary said they love Sour and he's a different kind of person. Gary said some people hire a voice person. He said Sour is a different kind of guy. He said they are well on their way to turning him into something.
Jon said Sour can't be harnessed. He said you have to let him roll sometimes. Steve said it is a heartbreak that he's not a huge success. He asked if it's true that he performs on roller blades. Gary said the first time he ever saw him he was in roller blades playing a keyboard with a baseball glove on his right hand. He was cooking on top of the keyboard and playing music at the same time. He said he was on roller blades doing all of that.
Gary said Sour Shoes can tell you the entire roster of the 1978 Mets. He said he can also tell you what year a song came out. Jon said Artie had a similar type of memory too. He said Sour does all of those voices too though.
Steve said he would love to see a Sour Shoes show. He said he can imagine what it would be like. He said he'd love it.
Jon said that Chris Martin was in today and he told a story about Bowie telling him his song wasn't for him. Jon said that Chris also talked about going through a depression after doing live shows and how that works. Jon asked Steve if he has that too. Gary said Chris was talking to Howard about that off the air and Chris thought Howard would like doing the show in front of people. Gary said Howard hates doing that. He said he likes being in the studio.
Jon asked Steve about doing shows live. Steve said he's an attention whore and he wants to be reaching people all the time. He said he likes doing it live and doing it through media.
Jon said Chris made it seem effortless when he performed today. Gary said he was in a really good mood today. He said it made for a good interview.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Gary said it took him twice as long to get to work because so many streets are closed. Gary said there are police everywhere out there. Jon said he's dreading his train ride home. Gary said there's something about the parade and how it's like a national holiday. Gary said it's an excuse to skip work and go get drunk.
Jon said they all have to deal with St. Patrick's day. He said Richard must be wearing green underwear today. Gary said he doesn't dislike the day. He said it's just that there are too many people out there blocking his way to work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is so wrong. He said Chicago is the best for St. Patrick's day. He said it's the best and craziest. He said they have two parades there. There's a north side and a south side parade. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that with the caller.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he drives a truck in Manhattan and people are everywhere in the city. He said the cops are hopeless and helpless. Gary said all of the cross streets are closed so he had to walk way out of his way to get there. Gary said the cops are there to squash the huge riots. Jon said Howard loves parades like this. Gary said when they get into parade season it gets to be too much. Jon said he thinks people are okay with Thanksgiving but the other ones get to be out of hand. Danny said he hates them. He said they shut down everything and most of them he's not attending. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said sometimes people need to believe this stuff. He said no harm no foul. He said you can goof on it all you want. He said you might need something to be true to you. He said what he doesn't like is people who pray on people who do. Danny said it's a very grey area when it comes to this stuff. He said it's all about if you're doing it for entertainment or using it to scam people.
Danny said you can see a parallel with Ronnie and people on the show who have been hired for personal appearances. He said if they can make a distinction that they're entertaining and not having real abilities then that can be the difference between legal and illegal. He said in New York City it is illegal to be a psychic. He said they often move around and close up shop.
Jon asked Gary what he does when he has a family member who knows someone who has ''the gift.'' Gary said he has a cousin who owns a haunted hotel in upstate New York. He said he was talking to his mother and asked if she knows it's not really haunted and she glared at him and said ''Sal wouldn't lie.'' He said she believed in it. Gary said when Richard goes he has no qualms because he thinks he's going for entertainment purposes. He said he knows people who go to psychics and it helps them so he's fine with that too. Jon said he has an issue when they go back and back and back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Bobo is full of shit and he's been watching too many Scooby Doo episodes. Jon said Bobo really believes it though. Danny said he wonders who still falls for these. Danny said there are psychics who rent places in The Village and it's very expensive there. He said Sal and Bobo believe and Bobo is a very ripe mark.
Jon said Sal believes it. Gary said he has managed to worm his way into someone's life who is best at it. Jon asked who else on the show might be into it. Jon said he thinks Benjy. Gary said that Richard might buy into it. Danny said that Robin has been an investigator in the paranormal. Jon said that Howard, Fred, Gary, JD and Jason may not believe.
Jon took a call from a woman who said there is a place outside Harrisburg, Pennsylvania where you park and the car moves. She said it's not that at all. She said that there is a slight incline and the car gets pushed up the hill. She said it's not an optical illusion. She said Bobo isn't crazy. Danny asked if she believes it's an illusion or ghosts. She said it has something to do with gravity and an illusion but she knows people who put talcum powder on their cars. She said there's a rumor that a bus fell over a cliff there and it's the kids pushing the cars. Gary asked if anyone has ever claimed to have fingerprints on the car after putting the powder on. She said she's heard they do but she's never seen it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's 2016 and he can't believe people still fall for this stuff. He said the talcum powder trick is just showing fingerprints that you've put on the car yourself. He said that's what people are seeing on the car. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that people go and sometimes you go for a specific problem. He said you go over long periods of time. He said part of him thinks that after you've gone maybe you have to help yourself and get over it. He said he wonders if people preach that. Gary asked where you can go to get help other than that. Danny mentioned church. He said that many people go to psychics. He said he thinks Howard looks at going to the psychiatrist is like going to the gym. He said he has to go to keep himself in shape. Danny said he doesn't think it's something Howard sees ending.
Gary said that church is the greatest scam of all. He said you don't know the resolution until you die. He said you give them money every week thinking you're going to go to heaven. Jon said giving money is voluntary though. Danny said it's amazing how much money you see in those baskets when they pass by you.
Jon talked about tithing and how there are many people who can't afford to do that. Gary said that his church experience is the weirdest. He said he would go every Sunday and slowly but surely everyone started peeling off. He said he ended up going by himself at one point. He said he wondered why he was going if the rest of them weren't going.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Chiropractors are the same kind of thing. Gary said they're not all quacks though. He said it does work for some people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said what Gary is saying about the catholic church is bullshit. He said if he goes to church and doesn't put money in he's not going to get dirty looks. Gary asked what happens if he never puts money in. The guy said he hasn't in 5 years. Gary said he thinks at most churches there is an expectation. Jon said he thinks that church has become less and less for many people. He asked if people are going to still believe and think they have to go. The caller said he believes but doesn't feel like an idiot for it.
Jon said he thinks Sal believes and goes to church. Gary said Sal is going out of fear. He said Sal will never disparage the church in any way because of that fear he has. The guys spent a little more time talking about that before moving on.
Jon said Gary turned 55 this week so happy birthday. Gary said that the show has been running all week so he gets a lot of birthday wishes. Danny said people care. Jon said that age is a meaningful thing on the show. He said Ronnie is one of the oldest but he's also the most juvenile. Gary said his kids goof on him for not being able to see. He said his son wants to find a bald spot on him.
Gary said the thing that bummed him out was the woman that Wolfie interviewed who said that her life started going down hill at 50. Danny said that was a grim reminder of our mortality. He said one of the women was 66 in there and it was terrifying thought.
Jon said that some of them see their age through their kids and they realize that they're ready for that next step. Gary said there's a woman at his mother's nursing home who looks like a woman in Pompeii who is stuck in a curled over position. He said it's really depressing.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:45am.
Jon said that they replayed the Sally Field interview this morning. Jon said she talked about how much she disliked doing The Flying Nun. He said it was great to hear her sit down with Howard to talk about all of that. Gary said she put that Flying Nun thing in context. He said she explained that it was about what was going on at the time and how there was war and all of that going on while she's in a Flying Nun's outfit. He said it also didn't challenge her as an actress.
Jon asked Melissa if people expect her to have that Bernadette voice when they meet her. Melissa said she loves that show so much and people do expect her to have it but they may be relieved when she doesn't. Melissa said when they wrote the script for this movie they wanted to cast someone else in her role. She said it's an uphill battle for her.
Gary asked Melissa about people who walk away from big shows like she's on. He said they have Jon Cryer coming in soon and he was on a show like that. Gary said it can fuck up the whole show. Melissa said she thinks everyone is on board at Big Bang. She said they all know how fortunate they are to be on a show like that. She said she hopes that's not the case at any point. Jon said the show incorporates the characters so well. Melissa said she was a fan of the show before she joined the cast. She said she's glad they did it in the organic and wonderful way they did. She said she's glad she isn't the one who came on and screwed up the show.
Jon asked if Melissa was supposed to be a one time deal. She said she was but then they called and said it was a couple more and then made it a regular thing. Jon said she's wonderful on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard Sally Field this week and he's dying to know what she's like off the air. Gary said she is about what you see is what you get. He said that she was very nice in the green room. Gary said when the interview ended she heard Billy Joel performing a song there and she stopped to listen and said she has to get that version.
Jon said they also had Chris Martin in this week and he talked about the adrenaline rush you get on stage and then have to come down from it off stage. Jon asked Melissa about what that's like for her. He asked how she handles something like that. Melissa said she only experienced it on a small scale. She said she used to do stand up in New York and she would go from club to club to get the laughs she really wanted. Melissa said they get that from the live audience on Big Bang. She said she can't go home and tell her husband to cheer for her at home when she puts dinner on the table. Jon said she could do that. Melissa said maybe she'll try that.
Gary asked Melissa if she gets treated really well at work and then she goes home and she's told to take out the garbage. Melissa said it can be like that at times. She said she and her husband write together too so that can make things tough too.
Gary said Howard worked on Private Parts and it was intoxicating for him. He said he talked about how they had a special thing where they treated the staff really well when they had to go overtime.
Jon asked Melissa about her stand up career and how that went. She said she did it for years in New York and handed out fliers to get people to come see her.
Gary said Melissa said she was on the unemployment line before Big Bang so he's wondering how long she was going to do that. Melissa said she thinks she had a thought in the back of her head that this was the only thing that makes her happy so she had to do that or write. She said that she has some sort of control with the writing. Melissa said right before that she was on a Lifetime show that she was fired off of. She said that was like a month before Big Bang. Gary asked why she was fired. Melissa said they were right to fire her. She said it was the Sherri Shepherd show and she was playing an Italian woman with a heavy accent. She said she was basically doing a bad Andrew Dice Clay impression. She said she did like 2 days on set and she told her husband that if they didn't fire her she didn't know what they were doing. Melissa said she saw the girl she screen tested with coming into the wardrobe room as she was leaving and she got the call later that she was being let go. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Jon if he knows anyone in his life that has that. Jon said he lives on Long Island so of course he does. Jon said it seems to be getting worse and worse. He said he's noticing it more and more in the past 10 years. Melissa said she's from Jersey so she knows it's big there. Jon said it's so annoying.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Melissa if it's easy to channel the higher voice of her Bernadette character. Melissa said it is. She said her mom has a voice like that so she modeled it after her. She said it's actually easier to talk like her.
Jon said that they seem to have a great time making that show. Melissa said she's heard people say the cast is like family and she never knew what that was like until she got on this show. She said they're all just incredible people. Gary said he was on set one day when they did a read through. Gary said it's like watching a play live. He said he's not sure what anyone would be complaining about.
Melissa said they all freaked out when the found out Gary was coming that day. Gary said he met Chuck Lorre on the set. He said that was the day they were shooting the final Two and a Half Men. Jon asked if he got to speak to Kaley at all. Gary said he saw her but he just stayed in his little area most of the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he got tickets to see a taping of the show on April 26th. He said he heard that they serve pizza there. He asked how good it is. Melissa said it's actually very good. She said they serve it halfway through the show. She said it's not like Jersey or New York pizza but it is good L.A. pizza. She said that the pizza you get out there is shit compared to east coast pizza.
Jon asked Gary if he knew that they were excited to meet him out there. Gary said he didn't and he was just laying low. He said he should have spoken to more people.
Gary said that he went to a pizza place out in L.A. and he asked for a ''pie'' and he was told they don't call it that there so they told him to go to the bakery down the street.
Jon asked Melissa more about her movie and spent a few more minutes on that. Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was Melissa's location manager. He joked about her throwing chairs and how great she actually is. He said that she was one of the highlights of his career. He said it was a fantastic experience. He said the movie is very funny and well done. Melissa thanked him for not telling everyone how she went around punching everyone in the dick.
Gary asked if everyone on Big Bang is professional and don't pitch fits. Melissa said they really are very good about stuff like that. Gary talked about how Howard used to do that when he had to do affiliate commercials back in the terrestrial days.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show. They were done around Noon.