Howard and the guys were back live this morning after their 2 week break. Howard started the show talking about going away for 2 weeks and how things change. Howard said in shocking news there at SiriusXM the gay channel, OutQ, has been canceled. He said someone explained it to him and he kind of gets it. Robin said she likes those guys. Howard said many of them will still be there. Howard said they're all becoming straight to be on the other channels. He was joking and said that what happened was 10 years ago when they started the channel everyone was clamoring to get on that channel. He said now it's kind of mainstream and the gay people are asking why they're on a gay channel and not on the other channels. Howard said that's why they're canceling it. He said it's like saying that all of the Jews should be on a Jew channel and all the blacks should be on a black channel. Howard said he's not that involved with the decisions.
Howard said a lot of those guys are still around the company but there is no more gay channel. He said he liked it but things change. Robin said she didn't know it would change so quick.
Howard said the Grammys also occurred while they were away. He said he watched them a few days later. Howard said he hates to sound like an old fart but it seems like the big hits for him were Stevie Wonder singing with that Pentatonix. Howard said one dude has a dress on and he likes that guy. Howard said the Eagles were great too. Howard said the ones that really shined to everyone, not just him, were acts like those. Howard said he is obsessed with Joe Walsh playing with the Eagles. He said the whole dynamic was great. He said Jackson Browne is an old guy like him and he still has that hair like he does. Howard said he thought about how handsome he used to be. Howard said he looks at him and realizes that's like him. He said he's old with a young person's hair.
Howard said that they didn't do anything for 2 weeks. Howard said he's too lazy. He said he sat around for 2 weeks doing nothing. He said he could have taken another year of that. He said he's so upset to be back. Robin said she came back on the coldest day of the year. Robin was in Paris and London. Robin said it was very mild over there. She said it was like 17 degrees there. She said it has warmed up though. Robin said she thought Howard would have been in Florida. Howard said he just wants to be left alone and sit in his house.
Robin said she wrote Howard a lecture about how he's missing the beauty of the world. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he feels fin. Howard said he's never in heaven. Robin said she was sitting in the Paris Opera House. Howard said that sounds awful to him. Robin said she was in a box and she was watching ballet. Howard didn't care.
Howard said he saw Deadpool and he loved it. Howard said Ryan Reynolds came off poorly in Green Lantern but he liked Deadpool. Howard said after he saw it he was going to call into this channel to talk about how good it is. Howard said they don't need his help though. Robin said it's about to become the highest grossing R rated movie in history. Robin said she was kind of upset that it was doing so well after seeing Green Lantern. Howard said Deadpool is really good if you haven't seen it.
Howard said he saw Ant-Man too. He said that was fun. Howard said he rented that and it was good. Howard said his wife told him that he was screaming in his sleep and she had to leave the room. She wasn't able to wake him up. He said she was terrified. Howard said he has to go to the psychiatrist to find out what happened to him. Howard said he doesn't remember anything. He said he had no recollection of a dream or anything. He said he never woke up from it. Howard said his mom told him it's a release of stress and his dad used to do it. Howard said she just dealt with it.
Howard said Godsmack does a version of Rocky Mountain Way that he liked. Howard asked Fred to look that up. Howard said he was thinking of Joe Walsh during that Grammy performance. Fred found the Godsmack version of the song and played some of that. Howard said it's great. Robin said she likes the music but she's not sure about the singing. Howard said ''Oh come on...'' Howard said Fred took off his pants and he's wind milling his penis.
Howard said he thinks there is another song that Godsmack does that he likes. Howard said he has to get into these guys. Howard said he likes everything about this song. Robin asked if it's ''I Stand Alone''. Howard said maybe. Howard said these guys know how to cover a song. He said he's not sure why he doesn't know these guys. Gary said they had a song called ''Voodoo'' that was a big hit. Fred played some of that. Howard didn't recognize it. Fred threw in some Ronnie clips over the song.
Howard said Ronnie is excited that Playboy is done with nudity. He played a commercial parody for ''Mund Magazine'' with all nude women in it.
Howard said later he's going to have a show that Sal, Ronnie and Tan Mom hosted for Valentine's day. Howard said he thinks people will like it.
Howard said he has some audio of Peyton Manning crying before the Super Bowl. Howard said he was making sounds trying to stop from crying that were pretty funny. Howard played the clip of him trying to hold back his crying and grunting. Howard imitated the sound and Fred threw in some clips of Golddust doing his thing.
Howard said Mike Francesa was very critical of Peyton Manning kissing Papa John at the end of the Super Bowl. Howard played some audio of Mike going off on Peyton. Mike said that there was no reason for Papa John to be on the field in the first place.
Howard said Sour Shoes got exited when he heard Mike say ''Noine'' like Gary does. He called in and left a message about it so Howard played that quickly.
Howard asked how that was. Robin said it was great and she's glad he interrupted Bobo's boring question. Howard said he thinks they have a new song about Bobo's boring questions. Howard asked where it is. Gary gave him the location so he played that too. The song was about how boring Bobo's calls are.
Howard said it's good for McCartney to be turned down at a party. Howard said it humbles you. He said Paul is a nice guy but that's good for him to smack him in the head to put him in line. Howard said he'd like more parties to turn him down. Howard said Paul is standing there with the guy from the Foo Fighters and Beck and they all get turned down. Howard said that it was some rap guy that had this party they were turned down at.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's stuck in traffic and it seems like the worst one in history. Howard said the worst one was in 2010 or 2009 and the cars were stretched 62 miles. He said the traffic jam lasted for 12 days. Howard said they were stuck and it formed a whole ecosystem. He said people were selling food and stuff. Howard said trucks were bringing construction equipment to Beijing and it was so bad that people started selling food and water to people in their cars. Robin asked what he would do if that happened to him. Howard said he's not sure what he would do.
Howard said that people were charging like 40 cents for a water when they were doing that. He said that was the worst traffic jam in history. Howard said this caller is not in the worst. Howard said when he ran for Governor he wanted to force construction to happen at night. Howard said he wanted to get rid of the tolls too. Howard said his polling numbers were going through the roof. He said he was going to get that done and then resign. Robin said they do have nighttime construction but the tolls are still there. Howard said they did get rid of one. Howard said it was 10 cents. Howard saw Benjy with his cap on and he told him to take it off and stay a while.
Howard said Long Island is so overpopulated. Howard said they built the roads so far long ago and they didn't know how populated it would be. He said the toll was 10 cents as you got on the Southern State Parkway. Howard said it was just for 10 cents. The caller said it's such a joke. Howard kept saying ''What?'' like he didn't hear the guy. Howard said this guy isn't stuck in the worst traffic jam ever. Howard said he would have helped with the traffic if he had been elected Governor.
Howard said he was for the death penalty back then too. Howard said he wanted to use the remains of the dead to fill the potholes. Howard played a ''Howard Stern For Governor'' song that they had back then. Robin asked if that guy is gone now. Howard said he's still around but they don't talk to him. His name is David Peel. Howard said he knows John Lennon was into David Peel back in the 70s.
Howard said there are a lot of clips of white people using the N-word there. Howard said the black people just keep walking. Howard said you don't want to get involved. Richard came in and said he had to write extensive notes about what he saw there. He said he was vomiting from people vomiting. He said that he saw one guy who was chugging Pepto Bismol and he vomited and he saw that and started puking from that.
Richard said he saw a lot of vomit there. He said there was one spot that it looked like everyone picked to vomit in.
Howard asked if Richard watched the Grammys. Richard said no because they don't really honor heavy metal. Robin said they had a lot of people doing a tribute to Lemmy. Howard said Johnny Depp had no business being up there. He said he's a great actor but he looked like he was pretending to play guitar. Richard said he was a musician before he was an actor though.
Howard said the tribute to Lionel Richie was too long. Howard said come on. Gary said they honor people every year because of their charity and this year it was him. Howard said that he really likes that country guy with the big beard. Howard said that was really good. Howard said he looks like Wyatt Earp. Howard said he dresses like Wolfman Jack. Howard said that's how he used to dress. Robin said the best thing was his hat. Howard said he thinks that guy has hair so why wear that? Robin said if you're in country you have to.
Howard said that Johnny Depp was wriggling around too much up there on stage. He said he should just stand there and play guitar. Howard said he was all dressed up and trying to play a rock star. Robin said it's good that he's doing that instead of playing a pirate all the time. Howard did a pirate voice and talked like he was Johnny Depp up there.
Howard said he has about 30 clips from the Wing Bowl. Howard said he was going to pair them down but they're all good. Richard said there is a lot of good stuff there. Robin asked if he had a good time there. Richard said he had a blast. Howard said he's going to put Wolfie on hold and get to him after the break.
Howard took a call from a guy in Detroit and asked if he's white. The guy said he is. He said his dad was a fire fighter there during the riots there and they've been there ever since. Howard said he was there for a short time. The caller said he's taking care of his mom there now. He said she's a big fan of the show. The caller asked how excited he is about his summer vacation now that America's Got Talent is over with. Howard said they just had two weeks off and he's so glad he walked away from America's Got Talent. Howard said he had time to refuel and relax. Howard said they would have been taping this month if he was with that show. He said he was reading an interview Heidi Klum did. He said that all of the judges came back to be with Simon Cowell. Howard said he was wondering what it was like at the tapings with Simon instead of Howard Stern and he wasn't able to find anything online.
Howard said Simon was trying to get him off that show secretly. He said they found that out in the Sony hack thing. Howard said he's happy he left the show. Howard said he wishes everyone the best other than Simon. Howard said he is a bit of a dick head.
Robin said she really thought Howard was going to be in Florida over vacation. Howard said he watched a lot of TV. He said he reminded himself of Anne Frank being holed up in his attic. Howard said Robin kept texting him from Paris and telling him how great it was over there. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he thought she was trying to make him jealous but it doesn't work. Howard said she must forget that he's a man. Robin said she must. Howard said he's not sure who she thinks she's texting.
Robin told Howard about some work over there that she thought Howard would be interested in because she knows he'll never get over there. Howard said that's right. He said he's really not interested. He said the only art he's interested in is his own. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has said that Donald Trump will be the republican nominee and he thinks that he's going to be proven right. Howard said he thinks that Hillary Clinton will be the democratic nominee. Howard said he would like some credit for predicting that Trump will be the nominee. He said that Bernie Sanders is 74 years old. Robin said he has some energy though. Howard said his mother said he's 74 and take it from her, that's too old to be president. Robin said Reagan was president at that age. Howard said he used to nap during meetings. Howard said it's ridiculous to be that old and be president.
Howard said Hillary is 68 so she's no spring chicken either. Howard said he feels it's a woman thing. He said that even other women are saying they might vote for a guy. Howard said it's a very difficult road for a woman to run. He said even an old Jew is going to have a tough time getting elected.
Howard said he has to get Wolfie on the line. Howard said that people wonder what his last name is. It's Wolfie Wolfowitz. Howard said they sent Wolfie and Steve Nowicki to the Wing Bowl. He said Richard went there too. Richard came in to talk about it. Richard said his buddy won the Wing eating contest last year because he ate 440 wings.
Howard said this was two weeks ago that they went. Richard said it was Super Bowl weekend. Howard said a radio station runs it. Richard said it's WIP in Philly. He said that it's the station that Howard used to be on in Philly. That was 94.1. Wolfie said they turned it into a sports station. He said he's not sure how they're doing though.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a guy some questions about women, refugees and things like that. The guy's answers were what you'd expect from a drunk guy. Wolfie asked the guy if he has had sex at Wing Bowl. The guy said he has and it was just 2 years ago. His friend was there saying he watched. Wolfie asked more questions and the guy ended up saying he hates women and they're all cunts. Wolfie said that guy was one of the more rational guys that he interviewed.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to another guy who was talking about women needing to have some ''pepperoni nips'' there. Wolfie asked what he'd do if he had Syrian refugees move in next door to him. The guy said he'd probably kill them.
Howard said this is tape of a group that had a school bus full of kegs there. Howard said they must plan that whole trip out. Howard said they show up in a bus and scream at other people. Howard played some audio of Steve Nowicki talking to some of those guys and they were all drunk and screaming their answers.
Howard played some more audio of people chanting in the parking lot. There were people chanting about rape. Howard said there was some racism out there too. Howard said he hasn't heard the N-word so many times. He said there were black people walking around and hearing this too. Wolfie said they just keep walking which is the safe move.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy who was talking about the Super Bowl and using the N-word. The guy was talking about how much he hates them and how he's voting for Trump because he hates them too.
Howard said it's crazy over there. Howard asked if Richard fit in over there. Richard said he stayed in his car to avoid all of that. He mentioned that they had someone throw an M-80 firecracker next to their car while they were in it.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who was throwing around the N-word. The guy was also giving advice to gay kids who are bullied and the guy said that they should stay straight and concentrate on the pussy.
Howard played another clip where a bunch of guys were chanting ''Fuck nig*ers'' over and over. Howard said he has a message from a fan there. He was talking about Robin's tits.
Howard said now they'll go inside Wing Bowl. Howard said they get in and there are seats up high and they're throwing coins and beer cans. Howard said Dennis Rodman was the guest of honor there and he got booed. Howard said he loves to drink so you'd think they'd like him. Howard said they were cheering for a guy who ate a cactus and threw it up. Howard asked if he was bleeding during that. Richard said you can't tell but he was in immense pain.
Howard said this guy sounds like an older Big Foot. Howard played the clip and the guy was saying that was his first time there. He made some comments about black people and talking about how good he thought slavery was.
Howard asked Richard about the Can Cam. Richard said it's a camera there that shows women and they expect them to take their top off. He said they get booed if they don't. Robin said she just doesn't get this whole thing.
Howard played a clip of a woman getting booed for not taking her top off. Richard said he made sure his wife was behind him so she wouldn't end up on the cam.
Howard asked if it's true that Richard went to a strip club and spent hours there. Richard said he did. He said he had a couple of beers there. He said he only had about a six pack at Wing Bowl. Wolfie said he thought he had more than that.
Howard played some audio of some women at Wing Bowl who were asked some questions about the guys asking to see their tits. Howard asked if the girls were hot at all. Richard said Steve could tell him that. One of the girls said that she'd suck his dick for Howard Stern. Gary said Steve said they were like a 6. Howard said they offered him a blow job and he didn't take it. Steve got on Gary's microphone and said he was sober and they were drunk. Howard asked how the BJ was. Steve said ''Excellent.'' Howard asked she was fat. Steve said she was maybe 20 pounds over weight. He said she looked kind of ratty. He said there were some hot girls whipping their tits out for the Can Cam.
Howard said the poor Janitor had to clean up the vomit. Richard said there was vomit in their suite when they got up there. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a janitor about the worst things he's seen there. He talked about seeing shit all over. He said he can't even describe the smell there.
Richard said Wolfie wanted to bring him to a public bathroom there and he refused. Richard said they show people vomiting on cam there.
Howard asked if they really tweeted out a picture of the Wing Bowl toilet. Wolfie said that's intense. Howard played the janitor talking about the shit on the walls in the bathroom there.
Howard said he has some audio of one of the Wing Bowl contestants talking about what his shit is going to be like after that event. The guy was telling Steve about how it might hurt.
Howard said he heard Richard's wife loved it all. Richard said she did. He said she's an Eagles fan and they started this as a way to celebrate them.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about having sword fights with his penis. He said he's come close to touching other dicks.
Howard said a woman won the Wing Bowl this year. She ate 429 wings. Richard said she looked like a normal woman too. He said she wasn't fat. Robin said no one who goes to Wing Bowl should be considered ''normal.''
Howard asked Richard if he has ever had a sword fight with Sal. Richard said he was just thinking about that and he hasn't. He said they could do it today. Howard asked if he could get hard. Richard said he thinks he has tried before but he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he'd tell him to look at Playboy but he just got the new one and there are no nudes in it. He said talk about a magazine that has no identity.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about the sword fight thing. He also talked about the biggest shit he's ever taken. He said it was in high school. He said he shit on a friend's floor and passed out in the shit. He said his friends had to pick him up out of it.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy doing Whip-its out in the parking lot. Howard asked if that's allowed. Wolfie said no but it was out there. Howard played that clip and the guy was talking about doing coke and the Whip-its thing. He described what it was like for him to do it by making an odd sound.
Howard asked Richard about the biggest shit he's ever taken. Richard said he'd have to think about it. Howard said he doesn't have any. Richard said his story is about shitting in a Folgers can and baking it for an hour as a goof. Howard said Richard fits in at Wing Bowl. Richard said he does but he's not racist. Richard said he's never yelled that kind of stuff out in his life. Robin said if he didn't work there he'd be doing the same thing. Howard said they classed Richard up.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy who got thrown out of Wing Bowl. Wolfie asked what got him thrown out. The guy said he threw a beer can and hit the guy in the face. He said he did that because he was a Dallas Cowboy fan. Howard said he has a clip of another guy who got kicked out for being too drunk. Howard played some of that and the guy sounded pretty wasted. The guy claimed he was drunk at a 5 on a scale of 10. Wolfie said he saw that guy get in a car and drive away. Howard said this shit scares him.
Howard said he has a clip of another guy who got kicked out. Howard played that but it was the same one he had just played.
Howard said he has some audio of a guy vomiting and chugging beer at the same time. Howard played that and the guy pukes and chugged. Howard asked how Wolfie didn't puke. Wolfie said he doesn't breath through his nose. Wolfie said he saw at least 5 guys vomiting into the trash cans there. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy right after he puked in a garbage can. The guy said he had a lot to drink and he did know that he'd be puking into a can that day.
Howard said he has one more clip. In that one the guy told Wolfie he was about to puke everywhere. Wolfie let him do his thing. Richard said he loves that. He got a round of applause after puking. Howard asked if Richard is going again next year. Richard said he is. He said he loved it.
Howard said Wolfie did another great job there. Wolfie said that they hold 20,000 people there and it was sold out. Richard said there was a massive brawl as it ended. He said that security was running over. Richard said his wife was the one who wanted to go initially. Wolfie said that there were like 20 people involved in the brawl.
Howard let Richard go and thanked Wolfie for going out there. Howard said he has to thank Steve Nowicki too.
Howard let the guy go and talked about the tattoo thing. He said if you're in a motorcycle club you have to get permission to get a tattoo. He said that caller was talking about David having a Yakuza tattoo or something. He said it is a little bit lame to have a Mafia tattoo unless you're in the Mafia. Howard said he knows the guy does karate and runs around with a sword. Howard said he gets why they kicked him out of Van Halen after seeing that. Howard said there are certain people you just don't fuck with. Howard said the Mafia is one of them. Howard said just behave.
Howard said the only tattoos he gets these days are his dead pet's names. He said he has to take a break and then get to High Pitch Eric. Howard said before they went on vacation High Pitch Eric bet that he could lose 20 pounds. He said that he bet Gary a few bucks on that. Howard said he's there to get weighed in. Gary said he's wearing a tank top where his belly is exposed. Gary said he wanted to bet him double or nothing that he gained more instead of losing 20.
Howard said he has so much to get to but he has to take breaks. Fred played a song with High Pitch Eric clips in it where he's making a sound like a yodel. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that High Pitch Eric is coming in now. He said he doesn't look like he's lost a pound. Howard asked if he's spelling his name with a K or a C. Eric said his real name is Erik but his name on the show is spelled Eric. Howard asked why he didn't correct it. Eric said that would be fine. Jason said they've been using Erik for years now. Howard said Erik is confused.
Howard asked Erik if he thinks he lost the weight or not. Erik said before he starts he is making a change for himself. He said he's going to start from the time he weighs him. He said there is a company that's going to help. He said don't interrupt. Howard said they've done this before. Erik said there is an ex-NFL player there who runs FutureLabs.com. He said he's going to train him. Gary said you have to hear the goal. Erik said he's going to train him to lose weight for 6 months and lose 100 pounds. Howard said he's all for that. He said it won't work though. Erik said he's going to take him to MetLife stadium to train. Howard said he just has to stop eating so much. Robin said he needs the incentive to lose the weight.
Gary said he met the guy in the green room and he doesn't think he has a clue what they're in for. Howard said Gary is 100 percent right. Howard said Eric will hook up with the guy and he'll think it's cool getting a mention on this show. Then the incessant phone calls will start and Erik will start threatening him. Erik said he's wrong. Gary said he asked the guy if he knows that he has a refrigerator dedicated to just soda. Gary said the guy had no idea. Howard said if he talks to this guy he's going to tell him to head for the fucking hills. Erik said he's going to train him for free.
Howard asked how he has 50 bucks to pay Gary. Erik said he has money of his own from working on Blue Bloods. Howard said Erik weighed in at 407 pounds in January. Howard said he has to weigh 382 or less to win the $50. Howard told him to get on the scale. Erik took off his jacket and got on the scale. Howard said he thought he weighed 350 but it's actually 413. Howard said he was at 407 last time. Howard said he gained 6 pounds. Howard said he's so fat. Howard said the fact that he can walk is a miracle.
Howard said one of the things he said when he was there in January was that he had to take away Flat Ronnie. Howard said now he has tape of Erik threatening Gonzo Shicock's life. Erik said that he knows he's just kidding with him. Howard played the clip to hear it for himself. In the clip Erik was talking about Gonzo calling him at 2am and threatening to kill him for doing that. Erik said he knows that he's just joking. Howard said he told him not to threaten anyone. Howard said he can't threaten anyone. Erik said he doesn't take it personally. Erik said that they're like brothers so it's not a big deal.
Howard played a clip of Erik talking to Shuli about Elephant Boy posting more stuff about him. He said he's taunting him with pictures. He said it's not fucking right. He said he doesn't do anything to this fucking guy. Erik said that he is still taunting him and he can't take it. He said there has to be some punishment for Elephant Boy too. Howard said maybe they should. Howard said he should stop harassing him. Erik said Howard has to do something to him.
Howard said he can't give him his Flat Ronnie today because he threatened Gonzo. Howard said he has to stop with the threats.
Howard asked Erik what happened to the restaurant that was trying to help him lose weight. Erik said he still talks to them. He said he lost almost 60 pounds with them. Gary said that he has a tattoo on his arm that says ''Only God can judge me.'' Erik said the other one his for his softball team that he played for.
Howard said he might have to warn this guy who wants to train him what he's in for. Erik asked if he saw him on Blue Bloods last week. Howard said he did not.
Howard asked Gary to bring in this guy who wants to help Eric. His name is Brandon Mason. Howard said that he played for the Giants. Howard asked if that's right. Brandon said he played on a bunch of teams. He's actually a trainer. Gary said he told him he was a running back for 4 months. Brandon said that's correct. He said he had a contract that was ripped to shreds when he got a knee injury. Howard said he'll get this story out of him one way or another. He said he was signed, got an injury in college and then they put his contract through the shredder in front of him.
Howard asked Brandon how he found out about Erik. Brandon said a friend told him about what Erik was going through. Howard said this is going to be a disaster. Gary said his last meal on Friday was a whole pizza. Brandon said he talked to Erik over lunch and they got a pizza. Howard asked who paid for lunch. Brandon said he can guess who did. Erik said he's going to start next week. He said it's too short a notice to start today. Howard asked where he gets these thoughts from. Brandon said it's all up to Eric. Howard asked how much pizza Erik ate. Erik said he had maybe 4 slices and took the rest home. He said he ate the rest while watching Blue Bloods.
Brandon said he wanted Erik to be comfortable. He said he let him eat. Howard said it's beyond his comprehension about why he's waiting a week to start working out. Erik said he needs to rest. Brandon said he's willing to go any day Erik wants to go. Howard said he thinks Erik finds Brandon hot and that's why he wants to work out with him. Erik said that Donnie is hotter. He said Brandon is attractive but not for him. Howard asked what Erik is going to wear when he works out. Erik said he'll wear some shorts. He said he'll wear underwear too. Howard asked if he'll grease him up too. Erik said no. Brandon said they have girls to do that.
Howard told Brandon to get out while he can. He said he has no idea what he's in for. Howard said Erik has already gotten a lunch out of him. Brandon said that's all he's paid for so far. He did pay for his taxi too though. Howard said he's going to end up paying his cable bill. Howard said that Brandon will realize that it's not worth it. Erik said he thinks they can do this. Howard said he'd have better luck training a hippo.
Gary asked if he wanted to go double or nothing and bet that he can't lose that weight in 6 months. Brandon said he will lose it. Howard said that no one is going to take a supplement that Erik takes. Howard said this really isn't worth it. He told Brandon to stop it. He said he's too nice a guy.
Howard said that Erik isn't gay. He's just gay for John Stamos and Donnie Wahlberg. Robin said if he was gay for him he'd be working out today. Brandon said he's not getting paid for this though. Gary said he thinks Brandon is already out. Howard said Erik is already talking about having his stretch him out. He said Erik doesn't want to work out. Erik said he has to stretch his muscles. Howard asked how he knows that. Howard asked if he does. Brandon said he has a girl who trains guys when it comes to that. He said that she'll take over the training process for guys who may show gay tendencies.
Howard asked Erik why he's waiting a week to start working out. Erik said he has doctor appointments today. He said then he goes home and takes a nap. Erik said he can start tomorrow. Brandon said 6 months from tomorrow. Gary said he'll bet that Brandon is gone within 3 months. Brandon wanted to weigh him in a month from now. Howard said he doesn't think he'll last a month. Howard said Erik is a professional leach. He said he's going to be taking him for lunches that he'll pay for an he'll be calling all the time and complaining. Brandon said they'll get started tomorrow. Brandon asked what Howard will do if he's 100 pounds lighter in 6 months. Howard said it won't happen.
Gary said if he does lose 100 pounds he's still going to be 317. Howard asked Erik what his favorite feature is on Brandon. Erik said he's a good looking man and he has a hot girlfriend. Howard asked if he wants to see his cock. Erik said no. Howard asked if he thinks he's circumcised. Erik said he's not Jewish so no. Howard asked him to estimate the size of his cock. Erik said with a girlfriend like his that's tough. Erik said maybe 9 inches based on his girlfriend. He said Donnie must be 11 inches based on his girlfriend. Howard said it's all based on the girlfriend huh?
Howard took a call from Fred the Elephant Boy who said that he's not a bully. Howard said he thought they had an agreement not to post more stuff about Erik. Elephant Boy said that he thinks that stuff is funny to him and he's just retweeting it. Erik said he knows he has a court case and he doesn't have to do that to him. Elephant Boy said it's funny. Erik said he's bullying him. Elephant Boy said he's threatening people's lives. Howard said he thought Elephant Boy was going to leave him alone on Twitter. Elephant Boy said he tried but he can't stop. Howard said Brandon is wondering what world he's in.
Gary said he's known Fred for a long time and he's a good guy. He said just leave Erik alone. Fred said he'll try. He said he will try his best. Gary asked why he can't just do it. Fred said he will. Howard said he keeps saying that but then he tweets stuff about Erik. Howard asked if there is some compulsion for him. Elephant Boy said it's just funny. Erik said he doesn't tweet anything about Fred. He said he doesn't say anything about him. Elephant Boy said Erik is not Teflon and if he sees something funny he's going to post it. Howard said they had a discussion about this and they agreed to stop. Howard said he's back to tweeting about him and he can't stop himself. Fred was saying something unintelligible so Howard said ''I'm glad we cleared this up.''
Howard said he thinks Fred is enjoying the attention he's getting over this. Fred said Howard is saying that Erik is something special. Howard asked why he's in charge of Erik. Fred was talking over Howard and Howard was talking over him. Then a phone was ringing.
Howard said all he's saying is that he went through an incident with Erik and they agreed to leave Erik alone. Within days he was back to tweeting about Erik. Howard said he seems like a rational person. Fred said he promises not to tweet about Erik. Howard thanked him for clearing that up. He let Fred go a short time later.
Howard asked Brandon what he thinks about that. Brandon didn't know what to say. Howard said Brandon is a young guy who has no idea what he's getting involved with. Howard said this guy Erik is a professional. Howard said he's going to want meals and free stuff so he had better have a big bank roll. Brandon said that this isn't his only business. Howard told Erik not to rape this guy. Erik said Stamos sent him the Beats by Dre headphones. He said he sent him some sexy pictures after getting them.
Gary said Brandon thinks that this is going to be his show piece. He has no idea what he's getting into. Howard said that Erik is going to make him take him out to eat and it's going to make him look like the world's worst trainer. Brandon said this isn't his only business though. He said he has a shipping container company too. Howard said he'll bankrupt that one too.
Howard said Brandon is a nice guy and now he's sucked into this life. Robin said she feels bad for him. Howard said Erik will win in the long run. Erik said he will lose 100 pounds in 6 months. Howard said that will not happen. Howard said he is 416 pounds today. Gary said if he doesn't lose the weight he only has to pay him $100. If he does lose it then he'll pay him $500. Eric said ''Ooooo...''
Howard said that Erik is big and fat and he's not going to lose the weight. Howard said Erik is going to ruin Brandon's life. Brandon kept asking Howard what if he does lose it. Howard said it just won't happen. He said Brandon will change his number and he'll never hear from him again. Howard said Eric can lose weight but then he puts it back on double or triple. Howard asked Erik how many bottles of soda he has in his apartment right now. Erik said he has two. He said he has a 20 oz. and a 2 liter bottle. Howard asked if he's lying. Erik said he's not. Howard asked what he's having for lunch today. Erik said he doesn't know. He claimed he didn't eat anything yet this morning. Howard said the lies are starting.
Brandon said that he didn't see Erik eating anything in the green room. Howard said that he heard he was in Atlanta eating nothing but crap. Erik said he did. Howard asked what he ate down there. Erik told Howard what he ate and it was like 3 things. He was there for days.
Gary asked Eric if he fits in a seat on an airplane. Erik said he does. He said he was on Delta and he fit in a comfort seat. Gary said he doesn't even fit comfortably in a seat. Erik said he was in a seat next to another fat guy and they fit fine.
Howard asked Gary if he got his money. Gary said he has it in his pocket. Howard said Erik paid up then. Howard said poor Brandon is going to regret this. He had him get in some plugs for FutureLabs.com. They're future.labs on Instagram. Howard said he told him what's going to happen. He will be gone and this may be the last time they'll see him. Brandon laughed and said that's kind of sad. Howard said he knows Erik is going to get him for lunch today.
Erik said there's a great deal at IHOP where you get all you can eat Pancakes. He said he has that with Hawaiian Punch. Howard said then what. Erik talked about eating maybe 12 pancakes. Howard said he must take a big shit after that. Howard asked what that costs. Erik said maybe $7.99 for all you can eat pancakes. Howard told Brandon to get used to that.
Howard said Brandon is going to get sick of this after a few weeks. Howard said he'll regret it. Brandon asked again if it actually does happen. Howard said that's like asking ''What if the sun doesn't exist?'' Howard said it's like asking if there are aliens on Mars. Erik said even he doesn't believe that. Brandon said his fear is that Erik will lose the weight and he'll gain it all back. Howard said he's sure that will happen. Howard wrapped up with them and went to break a short time later.
Howard played the top 5 songs and said that Will the Farter helped them out with this. He said they asked him to far to the top 5 songs. Howard said that Flo Rida has the number 5 song. He played Will the Farter farting along with that song. Howard said he doesn't even know that song. Robin did. Howard said number 4 is Rihanna featuring Drake. Howard had Will's version of that too. Howard said number 3 is Justin Bieber. He played Wendy the Slow Adult singing that one. Number 2 was Twenty One Pilots. Howard had Will farting that one too. Howard said number 1 is Justin Bieber again. He had some of the real song and talked about Justin's tattoos and how quickly he went into that whole thing. He said he couldn't have thought about it that much. Howard played some of Will the Farter's version of that song too.
Howard said Hillary Clinton had another coughing attack. Howard played that clip where Hillary is talking and she breaks into a coughing fit. People were applauding her. Then they were chanting her name as she's choking. Howard said that must be all stress. Robin said it could be exhaustion.
Howard said they mixed Jeff the Drunk and Hillary's cough. Howard played that clip and they took Jeff's cough and replaced her's with his.
Howard played a new prank call they made to an internet radio show with a psychic. In the call Richard calls in and puts Hillary Clinton on the line with the psychic. They had fake Hillary talking to the psychic and breaking into a coughing fit. Then they used clips of Richard's puking sounds. The host keeps going and leaves them on the line as the coughing and puking is going on. Then someone yells at the host to hang up on them now. After that Howard went to break. They played a Gary Dell'Abate clearing his throat song parody and Billy Joel performing ''Summer, Highland Falls'' as they were going to break.
Howard said Ronnie is getting a NY Post article in the paper. He said that they wanted to interview Ronnie and he as fine with that. Howard said he's not sure what happened. Robin asked what the gist of the interview is. Howard asked Ronnie to come in and talk about it. Ronnie said the guy was a little aggressive about it. He said he sat there for 2 hours with him. He said he had plenty of an outline thing going on. Ronnie said he had a photographer with him who was a hot chick. He said she was smoking hot. Ronnie said the guy kind of annoyed him at the end. He said he kept calling him at the end and asking the same questions he asked when he was there. Ronnie said he had all of these notes and the guy kept calling Jason too. He said he asked about the Sam Kinison argument he had years ago. He said that was one of the first times he was on the air. He said he kept asking about that and then he said it was going to come out on Valentine's day. He said then they pushed it to the 21st which was yesterday. Ronnie said if Howard read it yesterday he'd talk about it on the air. Ronnie said that would be a good idea. He said then they called and said they were bumping it and they'll run it during the week. He said he told the guy they'll never run it. He said the guy said ''You wanna bet?''
Ronnie said he doesn't know what's going on now. Howard said he heard he interviewed Sal for a long time too. Howard said he thinks this is hysterical. Ronnie said the guy asked him how he started there and when he first came up and started working at the show and all of that. Howard said he told Ronnie he can do all the articles he wants just don't bother him about it.
Ronnie said he made it clear that if the article is all about Howard then forget it. Howard said he heard they wanted a picture of him with Ronnie. He said no way to that. Ronnie said that's what he told them too.
Sal came in and said that he didn't want to talk to the guy. He said that he asked what his chemistry is like with Ronnie and he said it's like the chemistry he has with his grandfather. He said that's about it. Howard said he's looking forward to reading the article.
Sal said the show they all did for Valentine's day was great too. Howard had some clips to play. It was Sal, Ronnie and Tan Mom. Howard had a clip of Ronnie talking about making a girl squirt and Tan Mom kept saying ''Ewww!'' over and over.
Howard said that's horrible radio. He had another clip where Sal was talking about how to make a girl squirt. Tan Mom didn't know what squirting was. She said that isn't a good word to use. Howard said it's a sex show that's hosted by the 3 people you'd least like to have sex with.
Howard played another clip where Tan Mom was talking about having sex with her husband and not wanting to talk about it. Ronnie was pushing her to answer like it was an interrogation as Sal put it. Sal said it was a romantic moment and Ronnie ruined it. Sal said earlier that rubbing the clit is like scraping dog shit off a shoe so Ronnie brought that up.
Howard said Ronnie has the same accent as Bernie Sanders. Sal said Ronnie is a little older. Howard asked if Tan Mom was giving Sal the eye. Sal said her boobs were nice but her face had too much tanning cream on it. Howard asked if it's true that Sal got his wife $5 worth of stuff and told her that times are tough. Sal said times are tough and he did go to the dollar store and got her candy and a nice card. Ronnie said that's a shitty deal. He asked how much he pays for that egg sandwich he has every day. Howard asked if his wife was mortified. Sal said no.
Howard asked if Larry Caputo bought Sal a bracelet for Valentine's day. Sal said it was for his birthday actually. He said it's a really nice one. He said it's the only one he has. Howard thanked the guys for that and let them go a short time later. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
After the commercial Howard said he got a phone call and he has to meet with some people. Howard said he has to do it on the air. He said he doesn't want to do it on the air. Howard said Gary is the worst producer. He said that he just put his hand in the face of someone. Howard said this woman called in and asked if they could come in and meet him. He said he didn't want to let them come in but now they're there. Howard played a clip of the woman calling the show and begging him to let her and her husband to come in. Howard said she was just buttering him up with her sad story. Howard said you look like an asshole if you don't let them come in.
Howard said that he is on radio because he doesn't like meeting the fans. He said he has done stand up and if he wanted to meet the fans that's what he would do. Howard said he has a problem with it. Howard said he's been there.
Howard said he even said on the phone he didn't want to meet this woman. Howard said she was a nudge. Howard played more of the audio of her call and Robin was trying to get her to leave Howard alone but she kept asking to come in.
Howard said Gary said he could meet her now or later. He said that he wants to do it now. Howard said her name is Laura and her husband is there too. Howard said she's such a nudge that he just had to meet them. Howard told Laura not to be nervous. Laura said she can't take her eyes off him. Howard asked if she's never seen a monster like him. Howard said she must be attracted to him. Laura said yes.
Howard said that everyone in the family died or something. Kevin said that he lost two brothers. He said one died of ALS. Howard said that has to be the worst way to go. Kevin said that it is. He said you lose control of all of your functions other than your eyes. Howard asked if he wanted to end it all. The husband said it lasted like 3 years. He said his other brother died of pancreatic cancer. Howard asked if Laura is worried about losing him too. Laura said they do things to try to fend it off.
Howard asked how old Kevin is. He said he's 49. He said his brother got ALS at 51. He said the brother who had cancer was a smoker.
Howard said now that they're meeting he can't tell them how great it is. He said it's better they do it here than off the air. Howard asked if it's really the greatest thing meeting him. They said it's great. Robin said that the parents should be there too. Howard said bring the whole family. Howard asked if they were due to come there from California or did they come to just meet him. They were just there to meet Howard.
Howard said that it's a horrible thing to go through. He said now it's all worth it. Howard said somewhere the brothers are smiling down on them now that they're seeing him.
Howard said Laura was a bit aggressive on the phone. He said he gets it though. Howard said he wishes Kevin the best. Howard asked that no one ever calls in with a request like this again. Howard said peace and love, peace and love but don't make these requests.
Howard asked how Laura ended up calling in. She said she heard her husband talking about how tough it was dealing with his brothers going through what they went through and how the show helped him get through it. She said that's what Robin said about her cancer battle too. Kevin said that he cringed when he heard the call. Howard said he doesn't have the time for this so this is the last time this will happen. Howard said after today that's it. He said no one is welcome there after today. Howard said even if you're having suicidal thoughts, call Gary and talk to him instead.
Laura said the way Robin rejected her was so wonderful. She said she could have listened to that all day long. Howard said there's something wrong with her microphone and no one seems to notice. He said it might be time to change it out.
Howard said he is a caring human being but he's not good at this kind of thing. He said it's taking up his time and his audience's time. Howard said if he was to take these calls they'd have 3000 people on the show every day. Howard said that's not a show. Howard said the listeners are selfish. He said that they are ruining the show. Howard said he doesn't care if you have a tumor the size of Benjy's belly, don't bother him with that. Robin asked how they feel being the last people to get in there. They felt honored.
Howard said he is sorry about the brothers but he wishes them good health. Howard said never let them see you again. Howard said he hopes this cheered them up. Kevin said it was amazing. Laura said they'll never forget it. Howard said he will within 5 minutes. Howard told them to enjoy the Wrap Up Show and go talk to Ronnie.
Robin said she's not sure what the torture is there. Howard said it's bad enough that he has to talk to Fred. He did another live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has a clip of Scott in the studio just staring at him. Howard played that clip and he was going off on Scott for coming in and trying to get a feel for the way he works. Howard said he thinks he thought he was going to be in the studio with him every day. Howard said the studio they were in was tiny back then. Howard said when something goes wrong Scott just stares at it. He said he'll just stare at a microphone or a board. Howard asked Robin if she remembers him being in the studio like that. Robin said she forgot all about that.
Howard talked about how Scott could have just listened to the radio to get a feel for the sound. Howard said that was Scott before they knew him. He said they shut him down quick.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott. Howard said they should send him over to fight ISIS by staring at them. Howard said he has a million things to play. He said he can do the tribute tomorrow. He said today is the actual anniversary. He said he'll try to get to some highlights. Howard replayed the clip where he's going off on Scott about being in the studio staring at him. Howard said he would have quit radio if he had to have an engineer in the studio with him.
Howard said he loves Scott but he doesn't need another guy in there. Howard said he just got a note saying his anniversary was February 10th. Howard said they missed it.
Robin mentioned that she saw a play during vacation. Robin said that she saw A View From the Bridge. Howard said he saw the movie A Bridge of Spies that was really good. He said Tom Hanks is so good. Robin told Howard about the play and what that's about. Howard said he saw a movie where a guy looked just like Fred. He said it was some love movie. He said most of the movies that Netflix recommends sucked. Robin said there was a movie called The Little Death or something like that and that was good. Howard said he liked the movie with Robert Redford as Dan Rather. Robin said she saw Brooklyn and she liked it but that character infuriated her. Robin said a woman finds a good guy and runs off with some other guy and then runs back to the other guy.
Robin said she saw The Room too and that was good. Howard said it was really good. Robin said it was very depressing though. Howard said he loves that. He said he loves going to a movie and then wanting to jump out a window. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who brought up a story in the paper about him and how Sirius wouldn't be around without Howard. Howard said he wasn't even interviewed for that article. He said he took the picture and it ended up in that article. Mariann said that Scott Greenstein said Howard is the only indispensable person there. Mariann said it should have been on the cover of the paper not in that section. Howard hung up on her after that.
Robin said Steve Martin did stand up for the first time in 35 years. Robin said he opened for Seinfeld. Howard asked how it went. Robin said he performed for just a few minutes and got plenty of laughs. Robin read some of the jokes he told. Howard talked about what a genius he thinks Steve is. Robin said it was nice to hear he did stand up again. She wished that she had been able to witness that.
Robin read about what's going on with Apple and the FBI. The FBI wants Apple to help them get into the phone of one of the San Bernardino shooters whose phone is encrypted. Robin said that Tim Cook is saying no and saying that this is going too far for privacy rights for the citizens of this country. Howard said that this is a tough case. He said that he wouldn't want to be on the supreme court in a case like this. He said he wants to know everything about the San Bernardino shooters but he's not sure what to do about this. Robin said she sides on the rights of the individual. Robin said a former chief of the NSA agrees with Apple on this. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about Antonin Scalia passing away and how the Supreme Court could end up deadlocked on some issues now that there's an even number of judges.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if you have nothing to hide on your phone then why worry about this case. Howard said he watches a lot of porn on his phone and he would be embarrassed if someone saw what he watches. Howard said he jerked off yesterday and he covered the camera with a washcloth. Howard said he has a whole routine. The caller said you have to put it on incognito mode. Howard said he just clears the history. He said sometimes he has to do it twice a day at least. Howard said he has the big phone. He said it's hard for him to position the phone though. He said he has to balance it on coasters. He said he's into new porn too. Howard said he's into Stepmothers teaching their step-sons about sex. Howard said he's off babysitter porn. Howard said this porn he watched had an older woman, maybe 40, who has a neighbor come to meet her son. Howard said they go swimming and the girl and the mother are admiring each other. Then they go in to get the step-son. Howard said the guy is a virgin and they start teasing him. He said he says he can't because he has a massive boner. Howard said the mom asks the girl to jerk him off and she will coach her. Howard said the mom is coaching the girl and the young lady jerks him off and blows him. Howard said he came like 10 minutes ago. The caller said he only watches about 10 seconds of it and he's done. Howard said he delays it to see more plot. The caller said he's like the Siskel and Ebert of porn. Howard said he is. He let the caller go after that.
Robin asked if Obama should be allowed to name the next Supreme court Justice. Howard said of course he should. He said he's the President. Howard said he's in office for 11 more months. Howard said he was elected President so stop the nonsense.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's wife going into a deposition today. Robin said that her legal team tried to stop it but a judge has rejected their motion. Robin said that they think this is going to cause a media circus and they fear for her safety.
Robin read about this Uber driver in Kalamazoo who was shooting people and picking up people in between the shootings. Robin said people were saying that he seemed paranoid in the last couple of weeks and neighbors are saying they didn't expect this. Robin said the shootings were occurring at drop off points. Robin said he'd drop someone off and then start shooting people. Howard said that if someone had a gun they could have shot this guy. Howard said he is a second amendment guy. He said he's for having guns. Robin said she's not for taking guns away because if you do that then only the bad guys will have guns. Robin said that one of the passengers with this guy was so disturbed by this guy that they begged him to stop. Robin said he was going through stop signs and side swiping cars and stuff. Robin said the guy jumped out of the car at some point. Robin said the guy is going to be in court today.
Robin said El Chapo is complaining about conditions behind bars. Robin said he says it's too rough on him. Robin said he says that he is waken up every 2 hours and it's like torture. Robin said his wife is speaking up now and worrying about his safety. Robin said his wife hasn't been allowed to see him since January 8th.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he got anything on Valentine's day. Robin said Howard sent her something very nice. Howard said he sent her and his daughters the same thing. Howard said that he and his wife had a nice Valentine's day. Howard said that they fell asleep before they could have sex. The caller asked if Robin got anything on Valentine's. Robin said she did not.
Robin asked if Howard watched the first The Walking Dead of the season. Howard said he did and it was great. Robin said it really was. Howard said he has to thank AMC for putting that show on.
Robin read about the voting going on in the republican primary and how that went. Robin had some clips of Donald Trump speaking.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said it's Black history Month so can they talk about the hottest black women in TV and movies. Howard said Robin is number one. Tommy brought up a bunch more including Nichele Nichols and others. Howard said he likes Erica Badu. Howard said he likes Ru Paul too but then he found out she's a man. Howard said he likes Jada Pinkett Smith too. Howard said he'd fuck her hard. Tommy said she's like a pitbull. Howard said Lauren Hill is hot too. Howard said Robin Givens too. He said she's one of the greatest beauties of all time. Howard and Tommy went back and forth with a few more names. Tommy said that Beyonce's legs looked massive at the Super Bowl. He didn't think she was that hot. Howard let Tommy go after that.
Robin read about Jeb Bush dropping out of the campaign. Howard said that campaign was the saddest campaign. Howard said he has a clip of him that he may not even have time to play. He said he looked like he was talking to 3 people in the room. He had to ask them to applaud. Howard said it was getting really sad. Gary told Howard where the clip was. Howard played it and Jeb is talking about what would make him a good President and he ends with a ''please clap'' because no one was clapping.
Robin read about Ben Carson staying in the race even though he finished last in South Carolina. Robin had some audio of him talking about what this country was designed for and how it wasn't meant for career politicians.
Robin said Bernie Sanders was talking about how he's worried about the lack of black supporters. Robin had some audio of that.
Robin read a story about the finish of the Daytona 500 being so close it was a photo finish. Robin read the details of that finish. Howard said he'll never understand how anyone can watch cars going around in a circle like that. Robin had some audio of the winner talking about how shocked he was to pull that off.
Robin read a story about a 106 year old woman who met president Obama and danced her way across the room to meet him. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about how excited she was to meet him and Michelle. Howard said it must be exhausting being President. Howard said he doesn't know how they do it.
Robin read a story about how Deadpool has made a ton of money at the box office. Robin said it's made like over $230 million in the U.S. alone. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon asked the girls what they thought when they saw Erik today. Brandy said she thought he was cleaner than she thought. She said that he looked clean and normal. She said he was staring to a weird degree. Julie said he was cleaner and smaller than she thought. She said that he wasn't as large as she imagined.
Brandy said she was wondering if John Stamos is hitting that. She said he's experimenting now. Jon asked if it was right for Gary to take the 50 bucks from Erik. They said they don't think that he's going to lose the weight. Jon said they're not sure where the money came from. He said it was good that he stepped up and paid. Brandy said he didn't look like he was hurting for money.
Jon said Howard was trying to tell Brandon that it's going to go wrong eventually. Julie asked why he needs Beats By Dre. Jon said that she did say that he's a player so it's just part of the wardrobe.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this was the only time that someone is going to get their money back from the government help he's getting. He said there is no way he's going to lose that weight. The caller said he might be able to lose 100 ounces from taking a good piss.
Jon asked what the look on Eric's face was. Gary said he was freaking out when he saw 358 on the scale. He said then he knew something was wrong. He said one foot wasn't on the scale. He said then he got on it and went to 413. Gary said he didn't feel guilty about taking his money either. He said the money was all crumpled and smelly too. He said it was the grossest money he's ever seen.
Gary said he got the impression that Brandon didn't know a thing about Erik. He said that he thinks he'll last 2 months at the most. Gary said he thinks he'll go longer than he should. He said most people would go about 4 weeks. They went to break after that.
Jon said the woman who won the wing eating contest ate 429. Gary said that's shocking. He said she wasn't a fat woman either.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he worked a day shift at a strip club and you can't unsee that. He said the Wing Bowl sounds about the same. Gary said his problem is that he's a chain reactor vomiter. He said that he'd be throwing up like crazy if he saw that stuff going on.
Jon said he wants to talk about Richard going to the Wing Bowl. Gary said that Richard is like one of those guys who doesn't quite tell the truth about how much he drinks. He said he'll say 3 but it's really 7 beers.
Jon said they were talking about women flashing the Can Cam. He said that maybe the women are into it but he wonders why there are so many willing participants. Gary said he thinks it's like going to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. He said that there must be a feeling like that there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the first week of their vacation Ryan Reynolds was up at Sirius and Howard missed out on that. He said it would have been a real good interview. Gary said that you miss out on shit whenever you go on vacation. He said there's nothing you can do about it.
Gary said he feels really bad for the janitor at the Wing Bowl. He said it's a tough job to begin with. He said that people are shitting on the walls. He wonders if the guy stares at the calendar just waiting for it to come.
Jon said Sal spent Valentine's day buying his wife $5 worth of stuff at the dollar store. He asked what's behind that. He said there must be some money to spend. Gary said he thinks that it doesn't mean anything anymore to them. Gary said that he and his wife do the flower thing but then they go out for a great dinner. He said that Sal could go to CVS and get a $2 card instead of a $1 card at the dollar store. Jon said that you should do something other than going to that store.
Julie and Brandy had some thoughts on that. They suggested doing something nice like going down on the wife for an hour and stop thinking about yourself. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary about the NY Post article about Ronnie. Gary said JD came and told him that day the bathroom reeked of Mambo. He said it surprised him that Ronnie would get all Mambo'd up for an interview like that. Jon said Howard said that he was happy to have Ronnie do the article. He said that they talked about how Ronnie got confrontational with the reporter about the article not coming out when they thought it would.
Jon asked about the Scott the Engineer anniversary. Gary said that can carry on a few more days. He said that clip today was great because it had Scott telling a horrible joke the first time he's on the air just seconds into the discussion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he kept listening to the show while Howard was off. He said he didn't know it was going to be two weeks. He said it was a disappointment that it was two. He said he wishes he just knew. Jon said he's sorry he missed them but they're back now.
Jon said Howard was talking about OutQ being gone now. Brandy said that Julie is a lesbian and she looks a little bit like a boy. Jon said it's almost offensive that there is a gay channel nowadays. Julie said she doesn't think it's offensive. She said the gay stuff is so spread out that you don't need a dedicated channel. Gary said that the gay community has come so far that you don't need it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she was thinking about Erik this morning. She said she gains and loses that kind of weight when she's on her period. She said they should have a live webcam to see how much weight he can lose and gain in an hour. Gary said that they tried doing the Craptacular thing. He said that it's not going to go up and down like a football player who might lose 15 during a game. Gary said he doesn't think Erik is ready to lose the weight.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that it was a tie for Brandon lasting the end of the day or a week. They got 38 percent of the votes each. Jon wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:55am.
Howard started the show singing along to his opening theme song. Howard said Elephant Boy is there to tell them who is on the show today. They played a clip of Elephant Boy saying today's special guest is Beetlejuice. Howard said Beetlejuice has not retired. He is flying in. Howard said Beetlejuice moved to Georgia and he's up in New York for a couple of weeks making some appearances so he's stopping by. Howard said he's of a dying breed. He said he has a pinhead with a dwarf body. He said they say the Zika virus will bring more like him. Howard said he's thrilled about the Zika virus. They played one of Beet's songs.
They played a prank call they made to an internet radio show about the Zika virus and had clips of Beetlejuice talking and not making much sense. The host hung up but took another call from them. They had Beet vomiting like crazy and the host hung up again. They called back once again and the host picked up with Beet vomiting again. The host said this isn't funny at all. She said they need some help. She tried taking another call and it was Beet vomiting again. She yelled at the person saying they're ignorant. She gave up after taking one more call where Beet was vomiting.
Robin asked why anyone would think there's a child with Zika virus that can speak. Howard said they thought of that but just went with it. Robin said she's surprised that she went with it. Howard said she wasn't even aware of it. Howard said they say that babies are being born with the pinhead like Beet has.
Howard said Beet is stopping by and they'll be playing a game called ''Five'' where every answer is five. Howard said he just has to say five and he wins. Howard asked if he can do it. He said they'll find out. Howard said the answer is five no matter what. Howard said he just needs to know ''five.''
Howard said Beet should be able to get a few. Howard said he'll play with Robin. Howard asked how many fingers she has on her hand. Robin said five. Howard said that's right. Fred had some clips of someone just saying ''five.'' Howard asked Robin what 3 plus 2 is. Robin said 5. Howard asked what 4 plus 1 is. Robin said 5.
Howard said today is 2 for Tuesday. Howard said he's going to play another phony phone call. He played one where they called into a radio show and had Howard asking what they think of Carly Fiorina. The host responded and talked about her with the clips of Howard. They had Howard saying he'd fuck her. The host said she has an old white woman body so he can't imagine anyone but her husband wanting to see that. The host apologized for the language of the caller after Howard cursed a few times. He took another call and had Howard jerking off to Carly. The host said he thinks he knows who is doing that. The host said this is like middle school stuff. He said it's not funny anymore, it's just stupid.
Howard said they went on vacation and Bernie Sanders won New Hampshire. Howard said they have his victory speech. Howard played a bit they put together with a fake Bernie telling Hillary to suck his cock and things like that.
Howard said that Brooklyn accent makes you sound like an idiot. Howard said the guy is a nice sincere guy but that accent. Howard said the guy is 74 too. He said he can't believe anyone in Vermont voted for him. Howard said that accent drives him crazy. Howard said he could get rid of it if he hired a coach. Howard said guys from Australia come here and they can hide it.
Robin said there's a new guy on The Walking Dead who is British and he doesn't have an accent. Howard asked who is writing The Walking Dead because it's so good. Robin said she'll find out by the end of the show.
Howard said that Mike would be good for Robin if he's not gay. Gary said Steve thinks he's straight but no one knows for sure. Howard played the audio of the acoustic version of the song. It was just Mike sitting in the studio playing guitar and singing the song. Howard said that's Robin's new husband.
Howard said he loves that song. Robin said it is amazing. Howard asked if that's because he's her husband. Robin said she is not biased. Howard let the song play a little more. He said you think it's over but then it just keeps going.
Howard said if you want to see the video of that it's up on the web site. Howard said he did it right there in the studio. Howard said Robin was squirting during that. Howard said he doesn't like that word but Robin wanted everyone to know. Howard asked how old that guy is. Fred said he's younger than Robin. Robin said everyone is younger than her. Fred looked it up and found out he's 45.
Howard asked Fred if he opened for Mike the other week. Fred said he was opening for him and for Big Head Todd. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend. Fred said he didn't see one but that doesn't mean he doesn't have one. Howard asked if he talked to the guy. Fred said he did but he didn't talk to him about Robin. Howard told him to introduce them. Fred said he'll do that.
Howard asked if he shoots ropes. Fred said he's 45 so he's not sure. He said there are no ropes at 50. Howard said he hardly even needs a tissue at his age. Howard asked Fred if he still has that band. Fred said he has a band but not ''the'' band. Howard said they have another song that Mike did up on the web site with the Super Bon-Bon song.
Howard said it's so true. He said he did a movie of his life back in 1997 and you'd think Paul Giamatti would be close to him. Howard said that they were both very busy doing the scenes and he didn't get to know Paul at all. Howard said they didn't spend a lot of time together. Howard said they went their separate ways. Howard said Paul was the star of the movie. Howard said he understands what Shatner is saying. He said the guy doesn't really know George. Howard said it's like if he and Paul were at a convention and started arguing about something. Howard said that was a wonderful comment by Shatner.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beetlejuice was bitten by a mosquito shouldn't he be called Mosquitojuice? Howard said no because he wasn't bitten by one. Robin said there was no Zika virus for Beet. Howard said maybe there was.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his last meal would be if he was on death row. Howard said he's not sure he could eat knowing he was facing oblivion. Robin said she doesn't think that these guys think this stuff through. Howard said that he thinks once you're dead you just cease to exist. Howard said if he had a choice he'd eat anything with pasta. He said he'd like spaghetti with a nice sauce. Howard said he would want a medium sized pasta with a good meat sauce even though he doesn't eat meat. He said if he knew he was dying he'd eat it. Howard said then he'd have a chocolate sundae. He said that would be it. He said maybe he'd have Goldberg's Peanut Chew after that. He said then that would be it and he'd be full. He said he'd eat so much pasta. He said he has to limit it right now. He said he orders out and he takes the pasta and throws half of it out. He said it breaks his heart. He said he wishes he could be naturally thin. Howard said he'd have about 1/3 of the pasta. He said if he doesn't throw it out he'd be so fat. Robin said there are people out there starving and he's throwing it out. Howard said he knows but he has to do it.
Howard said he is always watching his weight and he doesn't look that good. Howard said his body still looks like shit. He said he always has a belly even when he's skinny. He doesn't work out that much. He said he's falling apart. He said he's trying to do everything he can. Howard said guys like Mick Jagger look good. Robin said he doesn't have a great mug though. Howard said he wishes he could look like Mick. Robin said he's not that good looking. Robin said the whole band isn't good looking. Howard said he thinks they are. Howard said he's tall and he gets skinny and he looks like Ichabod Crane.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has any manscaping stories to tell. Howard said he gave up on that. He said the hair is longer than his penis.
Howard said he was reading a story about Hitler in the paper today. He said they found some medical records and he suffered from a severe form of Microphallus and an undescended testicle. Howard said that he went crazy because the doctors were giving him a mix of cocaine and something else. Howard had to look the story up. He found it and read about what he had and how he had a micro penis. Howard said it's in a book that's coming out. They talk about the condition he had and how he had to pee from underneath his penis. Howard said they also say that they gave him hormones, cocaine and amphetamines. Howard said they were trying to boost his sex drive with all of that. That led to Fred playing clips of Sal screaming about his cock being gone when he was hypnotized.
Howard said he was reading in the paper the day about a guy who got his cock blown off and he's getting a penis transplant. Howard said they say that Hitler shaved his pubes like his moustache too. Howard said that would explain why he was so angry. He said that he was looking at the Jews with big penises and getting jealous.
Howard said they asked people on the street which president they think had the biggest penis. Howard played some answers they got and it was Abe Lincoln and Bill Clinton who were getting a bunch of votes. One guy was saying that he wanted to talk about who has the fattest pussy.
Fred said they say that Lyndon Johnson had a big one. He said they named it 'Jumbo' from what he's read. Howard said he had a friend who had a hot girlfriend and he figured he had a lot of coke or a big penis because there was no other explanation. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they've already packed the show full of stuff. He said they've done a spectacular hour of entertainment and they have 3 more to go. Robin said it's like a marathon.
Howard said Beetlejuice is in the green room screaming about something. Howard said he's upset but no one is sure over what.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's been watching The Five lately. Howard said he watches it almost every day. The caller said that Kimberly Guilfoyle is wearing stockings. Howard said he hates stockings but it is winter. Howard said she could take them off though. Howard said this guy is calling from one of the worst phone connections ever. Howard said he heard in Europe they have much better internet and phone connections. Howard said we're the United States of America so we should have better. Howard said right outside their building you can't get phone service. Howard said you can't get anything on LTE out there.
Howard said the women on FOX News are so hot. Howard said that chick should be getting her brains fucked out by one of the guys on the show. Robin said they can't just do that. Howard said he bets Kimberly is a firecracker in bed. Howard said Dana Perino looks like she'd be fun too.
Howard let the caller go and said he doesn't care what their politics are on FOX News. He said that the chicks are hot. He said there are a lot of them too. Robin said she's divorcing from what she read. Howard said these guys don't know how to handle her. Howard said she needs him or Fred.
Howard asked Beet what he thinks about the Zika virus. Beet said he doesn't know about that. He said he don't mess with anyone with that. Howard said they say that babies will be born with small heads. Beet said he wrote about that. He said he wrote a thing about it.
Howard said he wants to get to Beet's new business. Howard asked about the vape pen that he has now. Howard said Beet used to be a smoker. Beetlejuice said he was smoking since he was 13. Then he said 6 years old. Howard said this thing is an amazing invention. Howard said he has this smoker in his hand. Howard said it's called The Beetlejuice. Howard said it's a vape pen. Beetlejuice said he has one in his pocket right now. Howard asked if he's off cigarettes now. Beetlejuice said he is. Howard asked how many times a day he smokes this vape pen. Beet said at least once a week.
Howard asked why it's better than other ones on the market. Beetlejuice said it's because he made it. Howard said he's had many businesses over the years. Beetlejuice said it's at least 30. Howard asked if his manager is still Bobby. Beetlejuice said it is. He said he's with him and he's his brother. Howard asked who made the deal. Beetlejuice said he did it himself. Howard asked who manufactures the vape pen. Beetlejuice said he does. He said he has a factory.
Howard said smoke can kill you but can't the vapor kill you? Beetlejuice said no. He said that people can stop anytime they want to. Howard had him demonstrate the vape pen. Beet did it and he asked if he can taste the flavor. Howard asked how many there are. Beetlejuice said there's cherry... and it can be anything else.
Howard said he's smelling it now and it smells good. Howard said it smells like pipe tobacco with cherry in it. Howard said it's a good Christmas present for kids. Beetlejuice said it's for people who smoke. Howard said he thinks he has a hit on his hands with this pen.
Howard asked Beet what he does during the day now because he seems like he's semi-retired. Howard said he has to get Bobby in there to find out what the name of this vape pen is. Beet said it's called the Beetlejuice. Howard said they have some flavors named after Beet too.
Howard had Bobby in and asked him what's going on with this whole thing. Bobby said he made the deal for Beetlejuice. Howard said that he can count like 20 things that he's been involved with. Bobby said they've made some money with the other things. Bobby said Beet isn't involved with the pen, it's the flavors. Howard asked how long Beet is up there. Bobby said he's up for a week more. He said he has to go home for a doctor's appointment. Beet said he has to go to therapy. He said people think he's crazy.
Bobby said that Beet is diabetic so he has to go for that. Howard said he didn't know he was diabetic. Beet was talking over Howard and getting very loud. Howard asked Beet about putting on some weight. Beetlejuice said he's over 250 pounds now. He said he's like 200. Howard asked if he's hitting the gym. Beetlejuice said he is. He said he lifts at lest 10 pounds. He said he's eating like 30 calories a day. Howard asked how old he is. Beet said he's 60. Bobby said he's 48 in June. Beetlejuice insisted he's 60. Howard said black don't crack. Howard asked if he's ever tried crack. Beetlejuice said he just smokes weed.
Howard asked Bobby why he's with him this week. Bobby said he comes to visit a couple times a year. He said he gets away and has some fun visiting.
Howard said that they have a game to play with Beetlejuice. It's called ''Five'' and every answer is five. Howard said he's the host and Beetlejuice is the contestant. Howard counted down from 10 to 6 and asked for the next answer. Beet said 12. Howard said there was a band named the Dave Clark something. Beet didn't know the answer. He eventually said 5 for a couple of answers. He got Jackson 5. Howard asked if he has 5 grapes, how many does he have. Beet said none.
Howard asked about the movie 9 to blank. Beet said blank. He didn't get 5. Howard asked Beet to answer this one for the win. He asked how many pennies are in a nickel. Beet said 35 cents. Howard said that's the game.
Howard asked Beet if he's been doing any music. Beetlejuice said he's been doing that more than a year. Howard asked about the tattoo he has on his chest. Beetlejuice said you don't what to know about that. Beetlejuice said he had some guy ask him where he's going. He said he told a cop he hates them. Howard asked if he really hates the police. Beet was laughing and telling the police he hates them. Howard asked if he's part of the black lives matter movement. Beet said that they're a bunch of ''white niggers.'' He kept repeating that and said he tells the cops that all the time.
Howard said he imagines the cops stop him a lot. Beetlejuice said they don't do shit with him. He said he smokes weed and they don't do anything. Howard asked if they try to help him get home. Beetlejuice said he just smokes weed. He said they smoke it too and get high like a mother fucker. Howard asked if he's afraid of a gun. Beetlejuice said that won't kill him. He said they don't do shit to him.
Bobby said he gets along great with the cops actually. He said they love him. Howard asked where all of this is coming from. Bobby said ask him again in 10 minutes and he might say something different.
Howard asked if Beet is into rap music at all. Beetlejuice said he is into some. Bobby said Beetlejuice likes a lot of Marvin Gaye. He said that he was just talking about how he died this morning. He said his father shot him in the head.
Howard said that Beetlejuice has this stuff on his web site Beetlesjuice.com
Howard said that a lot of black actors are saying the Oscars are excluding black people from the awards. Howard asked if he's going to boycott them. Beet rambled something.
Howard said he has a cop on the phone for Beetlejuice. Howard picked up and had Sal on the line saying he was waiting for him outside to arrest him for calling them white N-words. Howard asked if Beet has ever gone to jail. Beet said he isn't afraid of jail. He said he has his badge number. He said he could get out in 2 minutes. Howard asked what the badge number is. Beet said it's 123...75.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he's afraid of going to prison and getting raped. Beetlejuice said there ain't no raping him.
Howard asked Beetlejuice who he's voting for. Beetlejuice said he's voting for Trump. He said he knows him personally. He said Trump wants to be friends. Howard asked if he would be tough on terrorism. Beetlejuice said he ain't for terrorism. Howard asked if he likes Mexicans and if he'd be for the wall. Beetlejuice said he likes Mexicans and has some around where he lives. Howard asked Beet if he ever thinks about death. Beetlejuice said never. Howard said he thinks he's going to be a wealthy man with the vape pen stuff so he needs a will. Beetlejuice said that he has friends. Howard asked who handles his money. Beetlejuice said he handles it himself. Howard said that sounds great.
Howard said it's time for another round of ''Five.'' Howard asked Beet how many players make a starting lineup in Basketball. Beet said at least 5 10. He said 10 basketball players.
Howard asked Beet if he has 5 grapes, how many does he have. Beet said 12. Howard asked Beet what number is pronounced five? Beet said 13.
Howard said that he is the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Howard said they have lost many Wack Packers. He said they just lost Eric the Actor. He said he died. Howard said they lost Hank the Angry Dwarf many years ago. Howard said they just lost Crackhead Bob. Howard asked if he knew that. Beetlejuice said he was all over the news. Howard asked if he remembers him. Beetlejuice said he does. Howard said Riley Martin just died too. Howard said he worries about Beetlejuice. Howard said they're about to lose High Pitch Erik. Howard said he weighs 416 pounds. Howard said he's afraid he's gong to have a heart attack and die. Beetlejuice said he should lose like 4 pounds. Howard said he hopes Beetlejuice takes this in. He said he's known him over 20 years and he thinks he's a great guy. Howard said Beetlejuice has always contributed to the show. Howard thanked him for that and wished him another 100 years of life. Beetlejuice said he's still living. Howard said he hopes he knows him for 50 more. Howard said he doesn't want to go to his funeral. Beetlejuice said he won't go.
Howard said this has been some interview. Howard asked what's the longest time he's going to go without seeing him. Beetlejuice said he'll be back next week. Howard asked Bobby when he'll be back. Bobby said he'll be back this summer. Howard asked how they got this deal. Bobby said they were contacted by a company in Canada. Howard said he has this Beetle's Juice and they're 100 percent organic vape flavors. Howard said you can get them at Beetlesjuice.com. Robin asked if Beet is smoking at all now. Bobby said not at all. Bobby said if you want to be a distributor then just contact them through the site. Howard said he thinks this is going to be huge.
Howard asked if Beetlejuice's mom is watching out for him. Bobby said she's worn down from it. He said he will wander off but he finds his way home. Robin asked where he goes. Beetlejuice said he goes to the safe house and smokes weed all day long. Gary said he heard he wandered off and came home with a fish and shit in his pants. Beetlejuice said he must have the wrong fucking guy. He said Baba Booey is shitting his pants every day. Howard said he remembers him going out and ending up in Philadelphia. Beetlejuice said that wasn't him.
Howard asked how often he's jerking off. Beetlejuice said he has a girlfriend. He said her name is Linda. Howard asked Bobby if Beet is a lot to handle for his mother. Howard said you have to keep your eye on him. Beetlejuice said you don't seem him that much. Howard asked if his mom locks him in the house. Bobby said she doesn't and she always finds his way home.
Howard took a call from Fake Ronnie which was the guys in the back playing clips of Ronnie asking Beet questions and telling him what to do with his cock.
Howard asked if Bobby leaves Beet home alone. Bobby said he leaves him home alone and he'll go to a movie or go shopping and come home with rubbing alcohol and crazy shit like that. Howard asked where he gets the money from. Bobby said they make sure he has money all the time.
Howard took a call from fake Richard who was telling Beet about cumming on him and things like that but Beet just talked over it.
Howard gave Beetlejuice another plug for his Beetle's Juice and the web site. Howard said he has three flavors and you can get involved by going through Beetlesjuice.com. Howard asked Beet if he knows what organic means. Beetlejuice said it's chemical but it's just a flavor. Howard gave him another plug. Howard asked why he changed the name of his web site. Beetlejuice didn't know. Howard spelled it out for Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice made up his own spelling. Howard spelled out Beet and Beetlejuice would finish it with ''rsteer... with a TR in the middle.''
Howard took a call from fake Scott which was the guys in the back again playing clips of Scott telling Beet to cum and things like that. Howard said he doesn't like this guy Scott. Beetlejuice said he's an ass.
Howard gave Beet some more plugs and said he learned from Beet to run your own business and not let other people run it. Howard asked if he could buy him out for a million bucks. Beetlejuice said he might. Howard told him to stay healthy. He said he doesn't want to lose another Wack Packer.
Howard took a call from fake Memet and he was asking weird questions that even Beet was wondering ''what the fuck is this?''
Howard gave Beet another plug and spelled out the web site Beetle... and Beet said ''ceeit with a CI in the middle.'' Howard asked Bobby if he has anything else to add. Bobby said that you can follow him on Twitter @Beetlepimp. He said he has about 95,000 followers already. Howard said he is a star. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played Beetlejuice singing ''Don't Worry Be Beetle'' as they were going to break.
Howard asked if Robin ever checks the date on water. Robin said she doesn't. Howard said he has a water there but he's not sure how old it is. Howard said he has to stay hydrated. Robin said she has a lot of drinks over there. She had seltzer and a cappuccino. Howard asked Robin why she has milk there. Robin said she doesn't like the taste of coffee apparently. Howard said Robin doesn't even drink milk. He said she was Vegan. Robin said she was vegan until she got cancer. Howard said now she has to eat stuff that she doesn't want to. She has to eat fish. Robin said she does. Robin said she eats fish and eggs and dairy. Howard asked if she ate cheese when she was vegan. Robin said she did not. Howard said she didn't even drink coffee. Howard said they say it's good to fight cancer from what he read. Howard said they say if you drink alcohol and drink coffee every day that will return your liver to normal. Robin said that's what the coffee enemas were about.
Howard said he sat next to Robin at Jason's wedding and she threw a fit over the cream in her soup. Howard said she was at the height of her veganism. Howard said they had to help her out getting something else to eat.
Gary said one day he was drinking a juice and Robin saw it and said ''Oh Gary, that's Pasteurized...'' like it was bad thing. They played a Daniel Mendelson song parody about Robin after that.
Howard said Daniel had a great JD song parody the other day. He played some of that and then played a clip of JD talking to Wendy the Slow Adult. In the clip Wendy was asking JD more questions than JD was asking her.
Howard asked who the slow adult really is in that clip. Howard said JD thinks he's superior to her. JD said that was just an awkward thing. Howard said JD has a hot girlfriend and he's not sure how that happened. Howard said she seems normal to him too. Howard said she can't be. Robin agreed.
Howard asked JD if he's going to get a hotdog at Burger King. JD said he might. Howard said Jon Hein must have something to say about that. Howard said he's not a Burger King fan and he thinks you should only get a hot dog at Nathan's.
Jon came in and said that it's a great idea for Burger King. He said he won't go there and try it. He said he doesn't know that the hot dog is going to be bad. He said if other people try it and like it maybe he'll go and try it too. Howard asked if it's going to be a grilled or steamed hot dog. JD said there will be two options. JD's microphone volume was low so Howard got distracted with that and tried to fix it. He didn't have any luck. Howard said he has the microphone right against his and it's still too low. Howard said he has it right on top of it. Howard said it sounds dull. Jon said he can hear him but it's a little bit faded.
Gary went in and tried to fix it. It was way too loud and came out all garbled. Howard told him to just say hello until he says stop. JD did that for a few seconds.
Howard said he heard that Gary is chewing on a wire. He said there's a piece of wire in his mouth. Gary said there isn't so someone was making a joke.
Howard got back to Jon and asked if he's going to try the hot dog. Jon said he might. Howard asked why he hates Burger King. Jon said they say you can have it your way but you really can't and there are some other things that he doesn't like about them. He said they are trying to make their stuff better though.
Howard said he went to a restaurant the other day and they seem to think if they give you a smaller portion it's more impressive. Howard said he ordered Beet Ravioli and he got one ravioli. He said it had sauce on it with some vegetables around it. Howard said he had a salad that was equally small. Howard said he found out that the restaurant is closing and he wasn't surprised. Howard said they were the only ones in there too. Howard said it was one fucking ravioli and the bill was like $130 for just two people.
Jon said that's why he doesn't go out to eat. He said the portions are always too small. Robin said that it's not like that everywhere.
Howard asked Jon why he eats before he comes to the Christmas party every year. Jon said he doesn't eat a lot of the stuff they have at those parties. He said that he likes to eat earlier in the day because of his diabetes too. Howard said he loves eating early. He said on Sunday he had lasagna in the fridge. Howard said around 2 in the afternoon he wanted to eat. He said he wanted to wait until 5 so he watched November Man. He said by the time that was over it would be 4. Howard said then it's 4 and he has to do something for an hour to distract him from eating. He said he started eating around 4:30. He said that was his dinner at 4:30.
Robin said she had dinner with Jon's daughter and she told her that she doesn't go to fast food so she's not sure who Jon goes with. Jon said that he and his wife have dinner together. Howard said his wife Debbie is attractive. Jon said she'll have an omelet or something and he'll have a burger or something. He said he'll get burger, fries and a drink. He said sometimes he'll have a shake. Howard said that shit is so good. He said he can't eat it but it's so good. Howard said he's the author of Fast Food Maniac: From Arby's to White Castle, One Man's Supersized Obsession with America's Favorite Food.
Howard said that he had a better time with Beetlejuice. Howard said he loved that Five game. Robin said it was great. She said it was like New Year's Eve when he'd get the right answer.
Howard said there was an article that he read by Ginny Graham who wrote for some news column (Tulsa World). Howard said she wrote about having a justice Howard Stern. Howard said if Trump is elected they could have that. Howard read through the article about the passing of Antonin Scalia. Howard said she writes that Howard Stern has experience as a judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said she's right about that. Howard said it goes on to make several arguments about Justices in the past who had about the same experience as he does. Howard said he's not sure if he'd want that job. Howard said he won't give up his radio show so he's not going to take that job if he has to do that.
Howard said he would do it on the radio though. He said he'd let people influence him on the show. He said his robes would be by John Varvatos so they'd look interesting.
Howard said he was thinking about this San Bernardino shooting couple. He said we live in the time of terrorists. Howard said that they claimed to be in ISIS. Robin said they were just angry, crazy people. Howard said Robin gave her opinion yesterday. Howard said he's going to give his ruling today. Howard said in history the police have been able to get a warrant and go in to get things from people. Howard said Apple received a warrant. Howard said they said there is information on this device that could lead to the capture of terrorists that are trying to kill citizens of the United States. Howard said that they can unlock this phone and not have to unlock other phones. Howard said that people's privacy is invaded if it's for the good of the people. Howard said Apple should comply with the court order. Howard said there is no indication that this information would be used for the wrong reasons. Howard said he wants to see the government going after terrorists. Robin said that it could set a precedent for other countries to demand the same thing. Howard said that it has to go through court orders.
Howard said there are pedophiles who have pictures on their phones of young children. Howard said that there are criminals out there who could be caught if they could get into their phones. Howard said for the good of society we have to have the ability for law enforcement to investigate. Howard said this will not affect encryption. Howard said that there is no way that the system will be opened. Robin said she wants to talk to Tim Cook. Howard said they have the technology to encrypt. Howard said that he's telling Robin that he believes Apple should comply with the court order. Now on with the show. Robin said it should go to the courts and the court should rule. Howard said that's going to happen but he gave his opinion. Robin said she would like to know more.
Howard and Robin talked about Donald Trump and how he may be unstoppable in the next couple of weeks. Howard said Rubio thinks he's a winner and he's not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the Simon Cowell emails and if they were part of the Sony hacks. Howard said there was a hack a couple of years ago when the North Koreans were upset about that movie that came out. Howard said little fatso boy got upset about the movie and they hacked the Sony computers. Howard said when that happened all hell broke loose. Howard said a high level Sony exec lost her job over that. Howard said at the time he said that newspapers shouldn't print that stuff. Howard said it was part of their plan to fuck over a large corporation. Howard said we love gossip so people posted it. Howard said one email that was leaked was Simon Cowell writing to Sony about how he'd like to replace Howard Stern on America's Got Talent. Howard said he laughed over it because he said he'd work cheaper than Stern and it would be cheaper to do it in Los Angeles.
Howard said Simon tried to call him to say it wasn't true. Howard said he had him talk to his agent. He didn't care at the time. Howard said he really didn't give a shit. Howard said he's a successful guy and he doesn't care. Howard said in his entire career he would never do such a thing. Howard said he would never plot against someone like that. It's a low thing to do. Howard said just tell him to his face. Don't do it through third parties. Howard said even his worst enemies he doesn't keep from getting a job. Howard said if someone loses a job and he's their replacement that's fine. Howard said he just can't do it. He said he's too blessed to do something like that to someone. Howard said if he wants his job he should just tell him.
The caller interrupted so Robin said he's not finished. Howard said he got calls from Simon and his people claiming that this wasn't true. Howard said he told him through representatives not to worry about it. Howard said he doesn't care about Simon Cowell. He said he has a real talent and has millions of people listening to him. He said the America's Got Talent thing was a goof. Howard said Simon is a judge and that's his thing. Howard said he judged as a goof. The caller was laughing. Howard said this isn't funny. He said that he doesn't take that shit for real. Howard said when he sat next to Heidi she'd say something about a contestant and he didn't care. He said you don't have to bring it up in private.
Howard said if he had to judge for a career maybe he'd be going behind people's back too. Howard said he doesn't care enough about that job to worry about Simon wanting it. He said he understands he's upset. He said X-Factor didn't work out and he has no presence in the States. Howard said NBC came to him after the last season he was in and asked what he wanted to do. Howard said he liked the people he worked with but he was done with the show. Howard said he'd had enough. He said it was time for him to leave. Howard said he told people that Simon was going to be his replacement. He knew it because he was campaigning against him. Howard said he's not angry about it. He said he doesn't like people plotting behind his back but that's what was going on.
Howard said he'd bring up that Simon fucked his best friend's wife. Howard said he'd bring that up if he was a contestant that was being judged. Howard said just imagine you have a wife and a baby and you meet Simon Cowell and he steals your wife. Howard went through that story and talked about how Simon stole that wife from his best friend.
Howard said the measure of a man is how he conducts his life. Howard said that was odd to him that he was writing secret memos to get his job. Howard said he knew it was bullshit when he said he wasn't doing it. Howard said he wanted to call him and tell him. Howard said that's the same guy who was telling his best friend that he wasn't fucking his wife. Howard said he didn't care because he has a huge career. Howard said NBC wanted him to stay and he said no. He said he has no sour grapes in this issue. Howard said he wants to see everyone on that show be successful. Especially Heidi, Mel, Howie and Nick. Howard said that's the story.
The caller said he has a part 2 of that question. Howard said he could probably fuck Mary Dell'Abate right now but he won't do that. He said he'd never fuck his wife behind his back. Howard said he hasn't because he's a gentleman. Howard said he doesn't do that.
Howard said he's fucked some of his friend's girlfriends and he'd like to tell that story. Howard said that there were women who wanted him. He said this was before he got famous... and sometimes after. Howard said he went to his friends and told them that the girl was coming on to him. He said he would ask permission. Howard said they'd say they didn't want them so he'd fuck them. Howard said they'd be fine with it. Howard said he'd fuck them as a favor to his friend.
Howard said as far as Simon goes he knows where he's at. Howard said he's not the kind of guy he'd hang out with. He said he wouldn't bring his wife around him for sure. Robin said the wife is the one you should be able to trust. Howard said in theory. Howard said in a perfect world maybe.
Howard said that he'd like to know what went down on that boat that Simon was on with that woman. Howard said Simon would say he doesn't know. Howard said he should have taped Simon telling him that the Sony hack stuff wasn't real. Howard said it's in an email and he's going to claim it's not real. Howard said that's like Dennis Rodman telling Carmen Electra that the woman he was in bed with fell out of the ceiling. Howard said he thinks Simon was missing being a judge in America.
The caller asked if he thinks it's fair blasting him on air like that. Howard said he just gave a series of events that really happened. The caller said he did it the day it came out. Howard said he doesn't like that they came out the way they did but he read them in the newspaper article and he can't just ignore it. Howard said he never expected it. He said he wished he never knew. Howard said he doesn't think that it's good that North Korea won either. He said he is always a hypocrite. He said he's a big phony himself.
Robin said the question is if the Sony hacks came to Howard would he have published them. Howard said he would not. Howard said he loves this country and he'd never let North Korea win. Howard said if they came to him and said he was in the hack and he should read it, he'd say no.
Howard said they taped Scott secretly when he said that they wouldn't be celebrating Scott's 30th anniversary on the show. Howard said he knew he'd throw a fit. Howard said Scott was bummed. Howard said that they hid a microphone in a Teddy bear. Howard said you can barely hear it but it's good enough. Howard played the clip and Howard says ''who cares'' about Scott's anniversary and then Scott tells some of the guys he's working with not to expect anything there. He said he's going to jump off a bridge now. He was all bitter about that. Robin said they didn't celebrate her 30th anniversary. Robin said she's not even sure if she's had one. Howard said he gave Scott a job and he's saying ''Don't expect anything here.'' Howard said he's such a sad sack.
Howard said there's a Scott the Engineer timeline on the web site. He said he's going to look at it to see if there's anything worth remembering. He found a clip of Scott talking about his mother telling the family that they have a black cloud following them and the family is cursed.
Howard said imagine telling a kid that. Howard said what a 30th anniversary. Howard played a song parody about Scott's black cloud. Howard said they never celebrate any anniversary there but Scott is always disappointed. Howard said what about that time Scott wanted to get fucked in the ass for $250,000. Scott came in and said he didn't really want it. He said that people there like laughing at him. Howard asked if he said that his parents are in hell and they're being punished for what they did to him. Scott said he didn't say that. Gary said he has some witnesses in there saying that's exactly what he said. Howard said Scott is so angry. Howard asked if he was talking about the black cloud thing. Scott said maybe he was talking about shocking him for wetting his bed.
Howard played some audio of Scott talking about his son being upset after kids at school made fun of him for the anal thing he was going to do. Howard played a clip of Scott yelling after his push up challenge. Howard said they took some of that and made a phony phone call. Howard played the call and they called a store saying that their roll of tape was used and had Scott yelling about using the tape.
Scott said he hears those clips and he cringes now. Howard said he was starving himself back then. Scott said he was on some supplements too. Howard played some audio of Scott recording a message for when he died. Howard said they also have the song ''COPD'' that Scott produced.
Howard asked Scott about telling the kids in the back not to expect anything there. Scott said they know he's just joking. Scott said he does appreciate what he's done for him over these 30 years. Howard said they appreciate whatever it is he does back there. Howard said Scott was shocked whenever he wet his bed. He also had to swim naked with other boys in school. He said that his mother told him that he was going to be cursed the rest of his life. Howard read more about Scott and some of the things they had about him. Howard said that he's back to smoking too, right? Scott said he's not actually. Howard said they figured he spent about $99,000 on cigarettes in his lifetime. Howard said they have tons of other stories about Scott.
Howard said they named the band The Losers after Scott and then kicked him out of the band. Howard said they love him but what a fucking nightmare the past 30 years have been. Howard played another song parody about Scott. Howard said he got his tribute so there you go. Scott said you have to be careful what you wish for. Fred kept playing clips of Jeb Bush saying ''Please clap.''
Howard asked Fred to say something nice about Scott. He told him to be serious. Fred said he worked very hard on the remotes that they've done in the past. Robin said that he's worked very hard on the specials they've done. Robin said he also took her home on 9/11. Robin said he took her to his house. Howard wished Scott a happy 30th and kicked him out. Fred played ''Please clap'' again.
Howard said that Scott cut a special Bailey the Bedbug bit. Howard played it and it was for his anniversary. Howard said of all the things Scott thought he'd be into that.
Howard said he has some audio of Scott and Ronnie on a gay date. He played the bit where the two of them were talking dirty to each other.
Howard said he gets to eat after they do the news. He said that he loves watching The Walking Dead so much that he doesn't even think about eating. Howard said TiVo has a feature on it now that skips all of the commercials. He said he loves that feature. Robin said she's been watching Hulu and they skip all of the commercials too. Howard said she should just TiVo it. Robin said she doesn't have the new one. Robin said now she has to go back to the TiVo and it drives her crazy when she has to fast forward. Howard said its the greatest thing ever. He said he did it last night. He said he loves hitting that D button. Howard said he had to take a break after that. They played a new Beetlejuice song as they were going to break. It was about Beetlejuice getting his dick sucked.
Howard said that Tan Mom is quit the show. Howard said he has a voicemail they received the other day. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom said there are a lot of things that people are using her on and she can't stand it. She said that she's sick of people saying that she's going out with Sal. She said she can't take it.
Howard said that Tan Mom has quit two more times since that voicemail. Howard said she's left the same voicemail several times. Howard said she quits but then asks them to call her back.
Shuli came in and said this is not a new thing. He said she's done this before. Howard said he saw that she tweeted a picture of her tits and said she's so stressed too. Shuli said he saw that. He doesn't know what that means. Howard had another clip of Tan Mom saying that she wants to go out on a date with ''Lemet'' (Memet) and wishing everyone a happy Valentine's day.
Howard said Gay Ramone left a message for Memet too. Howard said that everyone puts on a love voice for Memet. Howard played the message that Ramone left and he was asking to go out on a date too. Howard said he heard he sent a creepy nude picture to Memet too. Shuli said that Captain Janks and Joey Boots are into him too.
Howard said he's worried about Joey Boots because he's got a nasty cough from smoking. Howard said he heard him on his podcast. Howard played a clip of Joey coughing and sounding like Jeff the Drunk when he coughs. Joey said he has to quit smoking after coughing for about 30 seconds straight.
Shuli said he and Joey smoked after a show once years ago. Howard asked if Shuli still smokes. Shuli said he does. He said Beet just asked him to go smoke with him a few minutes ago. He said he smoked weed with Joey once years ago and he coughed like that and passed out. He said he was high thinking he just killed a guy.
Shuli said once up in Toronto Beetlejuice went into a bathroom and smoked a joint and threw it in the trash. He said it caused a fire that led to the whole hotel being evacuated. Howard said he didn't hear that story. Shuli said he loves Beetlejuice. He said that he loves talking to him and hearing stories from him. Howard said he has had discussions with him but the stories he tells aren't real.
Shuli told another story about putting a wig on Beetlejuice to do a bit on stage one night and Beet just said to him ''Shuli, this sucks man.'' and he took the stuff right off of him.
Howard said that he heard Jeff the Drunk quit Periscope but he was back on an hour later. Shuli said he does the same thing with the show. Howard said Jeff gets upset and then blows an air horn at some guy. Howard said the guy didn't even say anything wrong. Howard said he thinks Jeff is trying to be him but there is no basis for what he's doing.
JD told Howard that this guy is called the SSI guy because he's called the SSI and they've shown up at Jeff's house. He said that's why he's so upset with him. Howard played the clip and Jeff is talking to the guy and blowing the air horn at him over the phone. Howard said Jeff has a hard time hanging up on the guy so he has an air horn. Howard played more of that and Jeff takes the call over and over and then threatens to shoot the guy if he shows up at his house.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he doesn't even have a gun. Howard asked why he takes his calls. Jeff said he just hangs up on the guy now. Howard played more of the audio and Jeff hung up on the guy and took another call. Howard said then he gets so upset he quits but then an hour later he's back on. Howard said he's like the boy who cries wolf. Jeff said maybe he is. Howard said he's addicted to Periscope because he's getting attention.
Howard played audio of Jeff quitting the Periscope show and then getting back on an hour later saying he's got a new format. Howard asked what the format is. Shuli said it sounds like he's got a jet engine running in the background now. Jeff was saying that he's going to keep the conversations to a minimum now. Howard said he's a genius.
Howard played some audio of Shuli talking to Jeff about the show. Howard said Jeff is delusional. Howard said Jeff gets annoyed for someone reporting him about something he does on Periscope. Howard said that if he smokes weed on camera then people are going to call the authorities. Shuli said he's doing it in a state where it's not legal. Howard said that Jeff goes on his show talking about his money making scheme and he's getting SSI. Howard said he can't do that. Jeff said he reports all of his income. Shuli said that Jeff is one of the most gullible guys on the planet. He said he gets riled up over everything.
Howard said he has The Lump on the phone. He took that call and The Lump said he has a dead arm and dead air. The Lump said he's the one who reported him. Howard said he should get an air horn for that. The Lump said he has his friend the Black Mole with him. He put Beetlejuice on the phone. Beetlejuice said Jeff is his monkey. Jeff said Beetlejuice is his monkey. Beetlejuice said Jeff is a fucking asshole. Howard asked the Black Mole to put The Lump back on. Howard didn't know he was still there. He said he's been there since like 6 in the morning. The Lump said they're all back there. He said Memet is there too. Howard said it's like they're holding Black Mole hostage back there. Howard had The Lump put him back on the phone. Beetlejuice said that he ain't no mole. Howard said he can go home if he wants to. Beetlejuice said that they're a bunch of jackasses and he's having a good time.
Jeff asked when he can come back in. Howard asked what he has planned. Jeff had nothing. Shuli said he tell him that all the time and he has to have an agenda. Howard said he used to come in drunk but he can't have him drinking there because he's worried about him getting hurt. Shuli talked about the time he fell over like a tree falling in the lobby. Howard asked why he wants to come down. Jeff said he wants to come down to see them. Howard said they'll try to come up with something. He said maybe they can glue him to the new ceiling fan. He said he had to go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Robin read a story about a 15 year old gymnast who has to retire because of the damage it's doing to her body. Robin and Howard spent a little time talking about that. Howard said he hopes she does well. Robin said she has her whole life ahead of her.
Robin read a story about a doctor who says prayer in the operating room can help the healing process. Robin said this doctor is the head of neck surgery at a hospital. Howard said that Robin survived and they were all praying for her. Robin had some audio of this doctor talking about the prayer thing. Robin said if you're a believer the doctor thinks it can help on the road to recovery.
Robin read a story about a guy who was trying to capture a page from his computer to post on Facebook and he didn't notice the ads on his computer. Robin said he had ads on things he was looking up. Robin said his porn watching was all around the page he was posting. Howard said he hates texting sometimes because he has texted the wrong person. He said he never says negative things. Howard said he has done that a million times. Robin said she's done that too. Robin said this guy had porn ads for things like BDSM and other things.
Howard said he has a phony phone call that's really funny. He said he's not sure if he should play it now. Howard said he has one where he calls an Italian Deli or one where it's Brutal Master vs. Fag Master Gary. Howard said this guy yells at you if you call him. Howard said they asked Will the Farter, who is also Brutal Master, to call Fag Master Gary. Howard asked Gary which one he should play. Gary said he likes the Deli clip better because they get into a really interesting discussion with Brutal Master. Howard played the call and Will the Farter calls the deli and starts talking dirty to the guy and he tells him to get lost. They hang up and Will calls back. Howard said Will is a little bit slow when he tries to insult the guy. Then someone else gets on the line and says come on down and they'll fuck him in the ass. The deli guy said he'll fuck him in the ass with a roll of quarters. Then he asked how big his cock is and things like that. Then Will farted a few times and they hung up on him.
Robin said there's a man who changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Robin said it was the first thing he thought of when he decided to change his name. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about research being done on a super condom. Robin said that it could be the next big thing in the fight against AIDS. Robin said that it would use an anti-oxidant to fight AIDS if the condom breaks. Robin said it won't be out any time soon though.
Robin read that Tiger Woods has had a setback in his attempt to recover from disk surgery. Robin said his surgeon is saying the stories aren't true. Robin said they say someone is making the stories up. Robin said it's amazing that he's just fallen off the map when it comes to golf.
Robin read that Ronda Rousey got to host Saturday Night Live even after losing her fight. Robin said that Holly Holm didn't get to do it. Robin read about how they're supposed to have a rematch at some point.
Howard said he has breaking news. He asked Fred for some breaking news music. Fred found a clip. Howard said on the phone is Tan Mom who says she's not quitting the show. Howard asked if that's correct. Tan Mom said she never said she was quitting. She said she's always goofing around. She said they're her family so she would never quit. Howard said she called 3 times and said she was quitting. Howard said they have 3 calls from her saying she quit. Tan Mom said she doesn't remember doing that. She said she has no recollection of doing that at all.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she would like to go out with Memet. She said that would be nice. Howard asked if she tweeted out a picture of her breasts. She said she did that. She said that was just a joke. Howard said she's with the show though. Tan Mom said of course. She said she'd never leave. Tan Mom asked where the hell Howard has been. Howard said he's back now. He let her go after that.
Robin read about Pueblo Colorado having the Canibus Cup coming to their fairgrounds in April. Howard said Jackie used to go to that all the time. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how they expect 50-80,000 people to attend. Howard said you'd think they'd grow up at some point and not be so excited about something like that.
Robin read a story about Spike Lee voicing a commercial for Bernie Sanders. Robin had some of the audio from that ad. Howard said it must be hard to get him to do an ad. Howard said he's very opinionated. He played some of the audio of Spike talking about his endorsement for Bernie. Howard didn't understand some of what he was talking about though. Howard said he might be better off yelling at the Knicks. Howard replayed the clip where he talked about the system being rigged and giving our votes to corporate puppets. Howard understood after hearing it again. He said Spike's right.
Howard said they tried to call Angry Alice the other day with fake Ben Carson but she wanted nothing to do with it. Howard played the clip and they had fake Ben talking to her but she said she doesn't want anything to do with this and cursed him out. She said you can't fuck with her. She asked if he can make her wealthy. She said that she likes Donald Trump anyway. She was yelling through the whole call. Howard said that was a hell of a call.
Robin read about Bill Cosby's wife being deposed for 2 and a half hours yesterday. Robin had some audio of a lawyer talking about how that went.
Robin had some news about Ted Cruz, Donald Trump and others. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Robin had more audio of Donald Trump to play.
Robin read about Lumber Liquidators and how they say that some of their flooring has a higher cancer risk than is acceptable. Robin said they stopped selling the flooring last year but if you have it in your home you might want to contact the seller.
Robin read a story about Jason Dalton who was shooting people in Kalamazoo. Robin said the family is cooperating with authorities and want answers about the shooting as well. Robin said that the guy isn't talking either. Howard wondered if they electrified his sheets when he was younger.
Robin said they are going to try to sterilize mosquitos to help stop the Zika virus from spreading in Brazil. Robin said they're going to breed them and then sterilize them.
Robin read a story about Deadpool making over $200 million and over $500 million worldwide. Robin said it could be the highest grossing R rated film of all time. Robin said the last one was The Passion of the Christ. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon asked Rahsaan about the poll they have up today. Rahsaan said they're asking who you agree with in the FBI Apple case, Howard or Robin.
Jon said that one thing he noticed was Howard trying to make a point and Robin wasn't letting him make his point. Jon said she made her point yesterday. Gary said Robin had to make it more. Jon said Howard felt very strongly that Apple should let the FBI get access to that phone. Gary said he thinks they have every intention of letting them have it but they have to put on a good show. Gary said you have to turn over that information.
Jon asked Paul what he thinks about that. Paul said they shouldn't be digging around on the phone. Paul said he worries about it coming down to his phone. He said he's not going to be embarrassed by porn or anything but maybe some of the other embarrassing things he has on the phone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he watched Love over the weekend and it was great. He said Paul looks just like Howard. Paul said he has gotten that before. He said that one girl said he looks like Sean Penn and he was like ''Oh wow...'' and then she said ''... in I Am Sam.'' They went to break after that.
Gary said he doesn't think Shatner is being fully honest. Gary said they did work together on a few things and they have done conventions. Gary said he thinks the more honest thing is that he doesn't know him that well and what he does know he doesn't like. Jon said that he thinks that Shatner was trying to say that they worked together but they don't really know each other that well. He said he thinks he was asking what he did to him that makes him say the things he says. Gary said Shatner is a great guest but he doesn't think he was being totally honest. He said he thinks he just doesn't like George that much.
Jon said that Judd Apatow produces the show Love and he wonders what it's like to work with him. The show has already been picked up for a second season. Paul said that it feels like the Midas touch after Judd is involved. Jon said he worked with Pee Wee on his new movie too. Paul said that was a dream too. He said that was through Judd as well. Paul said he was the kid who dressed up as Pee Wee Herman. He said that movie comes out next month.
Jon said that Scott Salem was celebrating his 30th anniversary on the show and Robin was wondering where her celebration was. Gary said he doesn't care about hearing about his own on the air. He said he does like that he gets to those milestones though. Jon asked Paul if he enjoyed that today. Paul said of course. He said he agrees with Gary about the milestones. He said that you hit that even number that's divisible by 5.
Jon said whenever Beetlejuice comes up everyone is in a better mood. Gary said he was at the top of his game today. He said they put him on a little early. He said he was shot out of a cannon today. He said you could hear him in the green room from the studio. He said that was even with the door closed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Beet seems to be more clear about things the older he gets. Gary said that sometimes he is but then sometimes he'll say 2 plus 3 is 7. Gary said the Five game was almost as good as ''spell red.''
Jon said that he doesn't think that he's getting more coherent. He said that he also said he's 60 years old but he's really turning 48 this year. Jon said they also learned that he's a Trump supporter. Gary said if they waited 10 minutes he might have been a Hillary supporter.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Beetlejuice is a horrible Wack Packer. He said he's not funny at all. Gary said he thinks he's in a big minority. He said that he thinks that most people like him.
Jon said that Beetle knew how Marvin Gaye died. Gary said he made a huge error today when he said that he had shit in his pants one day. He said Beet shot him the dirtiest look. Jon said you have to step back when you get that look. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that he did some homework on Paul. He said Quentin Tarantino loves coming on the show and he knows Paul was in Inglourious Basterds and asked about the Jessica and Ashlee Simpson takes they do. Paul explained that to Jon and how it works and spent a few more minutes talking about Paul's work on that movie.
Jon said Howard talked about how he considers himself a hero for banging a friend's girlfriend. He said he got permission to do it and she was into it so he's doing the friend a favor. Jon said that he was so bad that she went back to that guy anyway. Gary asked Jon if he went out with a girl and she dates a friend and then she comes back. Jon said that you can't claim it. He said if that relationship is over then she's free game.
Paul said he thinks the first message he got on Myspace was a guy asking him if it was okay to date a girl he dated. Jon said you have the right to say no but what guy is going to listen to that.
Jon asked where Rahsaan stands on this. Rahsaan said he went out with a girl a friend went out with. He didn't tell him until after he did it. He said that he was cool with it though. He said he had already moved on anyway.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard would ever go to Beet's funeral if something happened to him. Gary said if it's in Georgia then no. If it's in Jersey, no. If it's on the 18th floor of their building, maybe. Gary said it would depend on the timing too. He said if it were on a Monday afternoon then probably not. Gary said they'd all like to go. Gary said Howard may not even miss a show for him. Jon said if any of the Wack Pack dies he's not sure who would go. Gary said he didn't go to Riley's thing but that was over long before he even knew about it. He said he would have gone to Crackhead Bob's if he wasn't in Texas. Gary said that Hank's was in Fall River on a work day. He would have gone to that if it wasn't on a work day.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Apple encryption debate. He said Apple doesn't have the key to unlock the encryption. Gary said he was shocked that the FBI or CIA can't break into the phone. Jon said that there has to be a back door into these phones. He said he thinks Apple has to be able to get into it. The caller said that the encryption can't be broken by anyone. Gary said that they're saying they don't want to be forced into doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he started watching Love and it's an excellent series. Paul thanked him for that. Gary said he likes the Australian roommate. He said she's really good.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 54 percent went with Robin and 46 with Howard. Jon wrapped up the show and ended it around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was going to try new headphones today but they don't have it together. He said he has to get new ones. He said his head begins to ache about an hour in. Howard said they smash his glasses into his head. Robin said she doesn't wear glasses but she uses the same headphones. Robin said she has that problem when she does wear glasses.
Howard had a clip of Wendy the Slow Adult introducing their guest for today Mr. Skin. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said Wendy has a hard time saying ''Wendy the Slow Adult.'' Howard said they went to that because people had a problem with them calling her a retard. Howard said that she says ''Wendy a slow adult.'' Howard said when she was there they recorded her giving tips on anything she wanted to. Howard said she had tips in shitting and eating without teeth. Howard asked if Robin wanted to hear some of them. Robin said sure.
Howard said this is Wendy the Slow Adult's shitting tip. In the clip Wendy talked about going doody and having juicy squirts in the toilet. She said she runs to the toilet and sometimes it comes out in her pants or her diaper. Howard said he thinks she was saying that you should wear a diaper.
Howard said this is a tip about shitting outside. In that clip Wendy said she shits in the woods and she doesn't care if anyone sees her. She said she'll wipe with a t-shirt or a leaf. She said it dries out in her private parts if she gets any in there.
Howard said he's going to throw up from those. He said they should get off the shitting. He had a tip from Wendy about eating without teeth. Howard said she's lost her teeth. He said she explains how to eat a potato chip in this one. In the clip Wendy said she has to suck on her chips before she can chew them. She said they have to get nice and soft. Howard said she sucks on her chips. Howard said The Fly had to do that too.
Howard said he has one more from Wendy and then he'll get to some Medicated Pete stuff. Howard said he may have the greatest Robin song ever created too. Howard said it's a slam dunk. He said even Robin will like it.
Howard played another Wendy tip where she talks about drinking sweat tea or Mountain Dew with her food. She said it also gives her energy and gets her high. She said that way she doesn't get tired while she eats.
Howard said Wendy is kept awake by the Mountain Dew. He said that should be their commercial. Howard said he never heard anyone describe so well why they drink soda. Howard said it's because of the flavor.
Howard said he thinks it's okay to say ''retarded people.'' He said he's not sure about that though. He said the world is changing too fast.
Howard said they're saying in the news that Donald Trump is going to be the republican nominee. Howard said he's been saying that from the start. He said he's not sure why people are saying this like it's a surprise.
Robin said she went to the bathroom there yesterday... Howard asked if she stepped in Beetlejuice's shit. Robin said she didn't but there was some in there. Howard said Beet's manager's nephew stepped in it. Howard said Beet left a pellet on the floor and the kid stepped on it. That's Beet's old manager, Sean, son.
Howard said they should put litter on the floor. Howard said maybe it was Robin's shit. He said maybe she's blaming Beet. Robin said she got away with it until he said that. Gary said that there has never been shit on the floor after she came out of there before. Howard said Beet is supposed to wear a diaper but he didn't yesterday.
Howard said Beetlejuice was on fire yesterday. He said he was in a great mood. He read that Ronnie made him use the guest bathroom there instead of the bathroom out in the lobby. Howard asked what's wrong with Ronnie. Sal came in and said he was taking Beet out there when Ronnie told him to use that bathroom. Ronnie came in and said Beet had to go and he was taping stuff so he didn't want him to shit his pants. He said he didn't know he was going to shit or piss. Howard said Robin uses that bathroom so use your fucking head. Ronnie said it's a guest bathroom. Sal said he asked Ronnie if he should use it or not and Ronnie told him to use it.
Ronnie said it was one little turd. Gary said Shuli said that Ronnie was going around saying it was a tiny turd and it was easy to pick it up. Then he refused to do it himself when asked to do it.
Howard said Robin is trying to pee during the show and she has to see shit on the floor. Ronnie said it was a tiny turd. Howard said he thinks Beetle is harder to take care of than Wendy. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Howard said that the family must want him to go off and not come home when he leaves the house. Howard said sometimes the police have to bring him home. Ronnie said he remembers Beet out in Vegas and he wandered off but came back. Sal said he ended up six blocks away at one show they did with him. He said he was oblivious to where he was or what he had to do. Howard said they just followed the trail of turds to find him.
Howard said the turd was the talk of the town. Howard said it's all Ronnie's fault. Howard said he should use his head. Howard said he should have used the main bathroom. Ronnie said Sal should know too. He said that he should have taken him out there. Sal said he asked Ronnie. He said he was escorting the little guy. Ronnie said he should have taken him out to the Sirius bathroom.
Howard said he'll clear it up. He said if you have anyone like that take them out to the main bathroom. Sal said Gary the Conqueror's name was given to Gary Dell'Abate. He said he's now Gary the Retard. Howard said that they should rub Ronnie's nose in Beet's shit. Sal said they'll cake it up in his moustache. Ronnie said they'll get it in Sal's hair plugs. Ronnie said that Sal should know better. He said he shouldn't ask him. He said he should take him to the other bathroom.
Howard said Beetlejuice was in such a good mood. He said he was the Black Mole on Jeff the Drunk yesterday. He said he recorded a bunch of funny bits that they'll be playing. He said he was singing up a storm. He loves Marvin Gaye. Sal said they have a lot of stuff and he was on fire. He said the Alphabet game was funny.
Howard told the guys to use their heads next time. He asked Ronnie what he thinks he should do next time. Ronnie said he should shit in Sal's studio next time. Howard said he heard that Beet was shaking everyone's hand after that. He said he never shakes his hand. He said he just fist bumps him. Sal said his hands are really clammy too. Howard said he heard that he was hugging Memet after that. Gary said they were recording and he had his arm around him the whole time. Sal said Memet thought Beet shit his pants but it was actually his breath. He said it was like anchovies dipped in shit. He said it was like bad fish meets bad shit. That cracked Howard up. He said welcome to show business. Howard said he's so proud right now. Howard said this is his archives. Howard said Sirius just bought his archives. He was cracking up talking about that.
Richard came in and said that he has the screen from the microphone they used with Beet yesterday. He said he almost vomited smelling it. Howard said he wants to smell it. Then he said he doesn't want to. Ronnie asked why he would smell it. Howard told Ronnie to smell it. Howard said Robin has to smell it too. Howard said Sal almost collapsed. Robin smelled it and she kept going ''Ohhh!'' She said that's 24 hours later. Sal said that was wafting in Memet's face. Robin said he should get combat pay for that. Sal said they could use that out on the street to get rid of the homeless. Howard said they could rob a bank with that thing. That cracked everyone up. Howard said he's laughing so hard.
Richard asked if they dare him to lick it. Ronnie asked what that would prove. Robin said that clogged up her nose. Howard said Robin has to be re-admitted to the hospital. Howard didn't want him to lick it. Richard took a sniff of it and started dry heaving. That had everyone cracking up again. Howard had him do it again and Richard gagged. Howard told him to do it again. Richard was all red according to Robin. Howard was laughing. He said that Richard just contracted the Zika virus.
Howard asked if they gave Beet a mint. Sal said they'd need a bucket of Scope. He said poor Memet looked like he was going to pass out. He said he was white as a ghost. Richard said he shook Beet's hand and didn't wash it until he was eating lunch and realized it.
Howard asked who the sweatiest guy in the Wack Pack is. Richard said Nicole Bass was really sweaty. Sal said he had to change his shirt after hugging her. He said he was so wet from the hug he had to change. Howard said it must have been a tough day for her that day. Howard asked if Beet's hand was wet. Sal said it's greasy. He said he's not sure where it's been. Howard said maybe it's lotion. Richard said at least it's a tiny hand. He said it's not a huge surface to get you wet.
Howard said it's great that the Zika virus is going to keep making guys like Beet. He said he won't be around to see them grown up but at least they'll be around. Howard said there will be shit on the ground everywhere. Howard said this is the job they do. He said this is what they're masters at. Robin said he only comes in once or twice a year so they have to make the most of it.
Sal said they created a lot of stuff with Beet yesterday. He said they have games and songs and more. Richard said he was in a great mood yesterday. He said he was singing away. Howard asked if he did any originals. Richard said he did. He said they just asked him to sing a song and he did.
Howard said you can put a thought in his head and he'll write a song about it. Richard said he sang a song about cowboys. He said they just ask him what's in his head.
Howard said he heard that they hold cash up in front of Beet and he'll start singing. Sal said he'll take some singles and count them out like they're 100's. He said Beet is like a stripper. Howard asked why they used real money. Ronnie said Beet knows money. He said if they used fake money he'd know. Howard said they could tell him that it's just a new bill.
Sal said they did give Beet fake money once and sent him into McDonald's. He said it was Chipindale's money. He said Beet thought that it was real. Howard said it seems like Bobby treats Beet really well. Sal said he's great.
Howard played a song that Beet made up on his own. There was another one where he was singing about getting his dick sucked. Howard liked that one. Howard asked if he topped that one yesterday. Richard said you don't know until you put music to it. Howard played ''This is Beetle'' too. Howard said that's a good one. He said he can't wait to hear the new one. Howard said they made sure to get some new stuff before Beetlejuice dies. Howard said poor Memet was walking around looking kind of shaken up. Sal said he looked like he just had surgery. Howard said it's like the cow that escaped the slaughterhouse.
Howard said this show is crazy. Howard asked if there will ever be another show like this again. Robin said that she just had to tell that shitting story. Robin said she was trying to keep people out of the bathroom so no one would step in it. Robin said she didn't say it in the hall because it might embarrass Beet. Howard said that she whispered it in Gary's ear instead.
Sal asked if the shit got close to the toilet. Gary said it was close to the front of the toilet but there was a footprint in it. He said they had to call facilities to come and clean it up. Sal said Gary should have done it. Ronnie said a lady came up to clean up. Howard asked what he said to her. Ronnie said Gary put a sign up on the door saying ''Out of order.'' Ronnie said she came up looking or Lauren. He said he knew she was there for the bathroom so he took her right there. He said there was a little problem there. Ronnie said she'd take care of it and that's what she did. Howard said that no one should have to touch that. He said he appreciates people like that. Howard said H.R. just told him that she deported herself after that. Howard said she had to float there on a tire and she had to clean shit so she's swimming back to her country.
Ronnie said that woman is actually the one who cleaned up the walls the last time they had shit all over the walls. Howard said that wasn't Beetlejuice though. Howard said that was someone else. Howard said when she was a little girl she must have had hopes and dreams. Howard said he'd love to make a movie about the woman who cleaned up Beetlejuice's shit. Howard made up the story about how she grew up in a hut and there's rapes and murders going on in her town. Howard said they cut off her clitoris and all of this other crap. Howard said she dreams of going to America and nothing will be bad when she gets there. Howard said she floats on a tire for months and a shark eats her leg. Then she gets to the Statue of Liberty and they let her in. Howard said she gets a place and she's cleaning. Then you cut to the Beetlejuice shit. Howard said then you hear tires screeching and she's on her way home. Ronnie said she gets in a tire and hops in the Hudson river. Howard said she floats back out to the ocean as she goes by the Statue of Liberty. He said instead of the shit she flushes herself down the toilet to get back to her country.
Robin said they should have Ben Stiller write that movie. Howard said they can get that woman from Brooklyn the movie to be in it. Ronnie said they can call it Shitlander. Richard said he's Ronnie Dangerfield now.
Howard asked how much stuff they have from Beet. Richard said they're still going through it. Howard said imagine you handle that shit and you turn into a pinhead. Richard asked if the woman had rubber gloves. Ronnie said she did. He said she came in with a whole cart full of stuff.
Ronnie told a story about Commissioner Bratton saying ''That's Bullshit'' in a press conference when someone asked a stupid question. Howard goofed on him about telling that story a short time later.
Howard said it would be cool if the cops came and bring in a robot to clean it up and even the robot vomits. Sal said the robot hops on the raft with the woman and floats off with her.
Memet came in and said that he's used to smelling a lot of odd smells but nothing compared to yesterday. He said Richard and Sal fart all day. He said the microphone Beet was using was right next to his computer. He said the smell was like a diaper smell. He said he's never smelled that coming from a mouth before. Sal said he thought he had shit his diaper but it turns out it was his breath. Memet said Beet's arm was around him the whole time too. He said he's not sure why but Beet really likes him. Memet said Sal and Richard like the smell of their farts. He said they're happy when they fart. Sal said they have to work with people like High Pitch Erik and people like that. He said his smell is very unique. Howard asked who the worst one is. They said Big Foot can be pretty bad. Memet said Beet is the worst. He said Sal and Richard give them a run for their money.
Howard said he heard Memet is in a drought with women. He asked what's going on. Memet said nothing has changed. He said he might be in a little bit of a depression but he's fine. Howard said no wonder why. He said it's been a rough week. Richard said that he's on a high now that Donald Trump won. Howard said he said it from the beginning that he was going to be the nominee. Howard said he thinks that he could be president if he goes up against Bernie. Howard said he thinks that Hillary will be the democratic nominee.
Howard asked why Memet is on this drought. Memet said he's depressed a little bit but he'll be back. Ronnie said he dumped his last chick. He said it was too much work for him. Memet said it's not worth getting into. Howard said he can't be tied down. Memet said it was a whole complicated thing. He said he really doesn't want to get into it. Ronnie said they all have to get into it so he has to. Memet said it was very complicated. Howard said he heard she might have had a boyfriend. Memet said she did. He said he was probably just a fling. Howard said she just went back to her boyfriend and he thinks he dumped her. Howard said he's saying ''She wasn't for me...'' and meanwhile she has 7 kids. Howard said there's nothing complicated there. Howard said he's no Simon Cowell. He said he can't get the wife like Simon did.
Howard said Memet is a good looking guy so he has no problem. He said he'll get women. Howard asked if he could fuck Tan Mom if he had to. Memet said he doesn't think so. Sal asked what's wrong with him. Howard said Sal could do it. Sal said he's done it in his mind. Howard said she's just not for Memet.
Howard asked Memet if he was in love with this girl. Ronnie said he was all depressed over it. Memet said he felt like a douche bag because her boyfriend didn't know about him and it seemed wrong. He said he called it off. Howard asked if she was heartbroken. Memet said it was a real bad day. He said he met up with her to tell her in person. He said it was like a scene in a movie. He said he had something to tell her and she had something to tell him. He said he was dumping her and she was ready to leave the boyfriend. Howard said that he should have done it. Memet said it was an uncomfortable thing. Howard asked if he was afraid of looking like a douche. Memet said he was a douche. Fred kept playing the ''Douche!'' clip when they'd say douche.
Memet said that they always had to go to his shitty apartment because they could never go to her house. Howard said he should be on the Bachelor. Howard said he's a good looking guy. Howard asked if he's back on Tinder. Memet said he has to get out of this funk first. Ronnie laughed. He said he's a young guy so get out there and fuck some chicks. Howard said listen to this fucking guy. He was laughing about this depression. Sal said he has women falling all over him. Howard asked how old he is. Memet said he's 29.
Ronnie said that he has a pink Teddy bear in his office and he's feeling depressed. Memet said he found it in the junk box and it says funny things. Ronnie was still laughing at Memet and his depression over losing the girl. Howard was cracking up at that too. Howard said he just fucked a chick and broke up with her because she had a boyfriend and now he's depressed. Howard asked if any of the guys are jealous of him. Memet said they're all jealous. Howard said he heard Nick hates him because he gets so much pussy. Memet said he does hate him but he's not sure why. Gary said Nick just said he's not going in. Sal said Nick was the boyfriend. Memet said nick has never been anyone's boyfriend. Howard said they should leave nick alone.
Howard said Memet should call the girl and get back together with her. Memet said he's done with her. He said she was fun though. Howard asked how many times a night he was banging her. Memet said he could go quite a few. Howard said when he was his age he was fucking 5 times in one night. Howard said now it's just once. Sal said once every 5 months is about it now.
Sal asked how many times he was banging her. Memet said 4 or 5 times. He said it was fun at first. He said that they had to meet up in hotels and cars. Howard said anyplace is better than that apartment.
Howard asked Memet if he was using birth control. Memet said this is why he didn't want to talk about it. Howard said that she was with another dude. Memet said he's not sure that she was banging the guy. Sal said he told him he has to bag that shit up. Howard said he was with some chick once and his rubber fell off. He said then Ralph told him she looks kind of dirty. Howard said he did have some pain when he was peeing and he had to get checked but it turns out he was fine. He said he did break up with her though. Howard told Memet to be careful out there. Howard said these young guys don't like condoms. Memet said they're awful. Howard said they're not that bad. Memet said maybe Howard is used to them. Ronnie said they suck. He said you can put a cock ring on and last longer. Howard said ''Whoa!'' He asked if he has one of those. Ronnie said he has a whole slew of them. He said they can help keep you going sometimes. Ronnie said he uses one sometimes. Howard asked if Robin can imagine that. Robin laughed an said no.
Howard and Fred were doing their Ronnie voices as they talked about the cock ring. Ronnie said he has different sizes. He said he has one that's in the middle of the sizes. Howard said he's quite the man. He said at his age he has to use a cock ring to slow down. Memet asked if he can go more than once a night. Ronnie said he can go in the morning and then at night again. Howard said he's no spring chicken either. Ronnie said he doesn't use the cock ring all the time. Richard asked if he's using it now. Ronnie said no.
Ronnie said they have some cock rings that have a vibrator on them. He said you hit the button and you make sure it's in the right spot. He said you have to get in position to make sure it's on her clit. Robin asked how they missed that sex tip. Howard said poor Stephanie. He said she's probably tied up somewhere right now. Howard asked when he puts the cock ring on. Ronnie said he does it after foreplay. He said he doesn't use the vibrating one every time either. Memet asked if you have to put your balls through it. Ronnie said it's like a rubber without the rubber part.
Howard asked Ronnie about sticking his finger up her ass while he was helping her get dressed. Ronnie said he was just messing around and he put it in the general area. He said he didn't go all the way in. He said she had an operation and he was helping her out.
Howard said Memet is an honorable dude and he got out of that sticky situation. Memet said he did the right thing in the end. Ronnie told him to move on and get over this depression. Howard said he's glad he's having a drought. Memet said sometimes it's just easier to jerk off. He said that way he doesn't have to go out and spend money. Howard said it's smarter to do that instead of getting into a situation like that. Ronnie said there are so many girls out there and they don't even want relationships. They just want to fuck.
Richard said that Memet got really excited when he heard that the Supergirl chick was naked. He said he was talking about how he was going to jerk off the whole weekend after that.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said it's been over an hour. Howard asked Memet to bring in a picture of this girl so he can see if she's worth being depressed over.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's Cock Ring. It was the same voice as The Lump. Howard spent a few seconds with the Cock Ring and then said he should take a break but he has to check out this girl first. Memet showed him the girl and Howard said she is worth getting upset over. Howard said she looks like Natalie Portman. Howard said she's hot and really cute. Howard asked if he has any nudes. Ronnie wanted to check her out too. Ronnie said she really is cute. He said she has that sexy look. He said Memet is an asshole for giving her up. Richard said Ronnie would go through the whole bag of cock rings with her. Sal checked her out too. Sal said he tried to swipe.
Howard asked if he has any other pictures of her. Memet said he's not sure he wants to show more. Howard said Benjy is over there jerking off.
Sal saw a picture of boobs. Howard said he wants to see before Sal. Howard checked out that picture and said ''Oh wow!'' He said that she looks like she hasn't eaten in a month. She was very skinny according to Sal. Howard said she's a cute girl. Ronnie wanted to see it too. Ronnie said now he knows why he's depressed. Richard said Ronnie's balls just fell out of his sock.
Ronnie asked if she squirts. Memet said she actually did. Ronnie said he'd be crying over that. Ronnie asked if she takes it in the ass. Memet said that's private. That meant yes to everyone. Howard said he'll get another girl. Howard said he'll be fine. Howard said Ronnie just squirted. He said he can't think of a more disturbing image than Ronnie in a cock ring. Howard said he'd rather look at Beet's shit. Howard did his Ronnie voice and goofed on that a little more before going to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Foghat song. Howard said it's a great song. Robin said she doesn't like the name Foghat. Howard said if she doesn't like it then he doesn't either.
Howard said Mr. Skin is going to drop by and give them the Anatomy Awards. Howard said he is so far behind with the commercials. He said he can play a Robin song parody from Psych and it's called Super Ta-Tas. He played the song which was to the tune of Super Bon-Bon. Howard said that might be the best ever. Robin said it wasn't. Howard said Benjy got so excited he just shit on the floor.
Howard said that he promised to play this yesterday. He said they took clips of Medicated Pete and called an internet show. He said they have Pete saying that he has AIDS from fucking a monkey. Howard played the call and the guys played audio of Pete talking about how he's HIV positive and he was in a drunken stupor when he got it. One of the hosts told him to get his revenge now and fuck girls who didn't like him in high school. Then they had Pete saying he was fucking a monkey when he got it. One of the hosts said he's a nasty fuck. They eventually hung up on him but they took his call again and the guys kept playing more of Pete talking about how he fucked the monkey and thought it was a chick.
They went to break after that call. As they went to break they played a George Takei bit called ''50 Shades of Takei.'' They also played a bit where they had clips of dead Wack Packers Riley Martin, Hank the Dwarf and Crackhead Bob singing together. They played a Baba Booey song parody and Evil Dave Letterman singing ''War Pigs.''
Howard said Mr. Skin is coming in to announce his 17th Annual Mr. Skin Anatomy Awards. Robin asked how many employees he has now. Mr. Skin said that he has 45.
Howard asked if they have black winners in there. Mr. Skin said of course. He said they have quite a few. Howard said you can follow along with this over at HowardStern.com. Howard said that he's allowed the back doors to open up over there. Howard said as they talk about these women you can follow along over there.
Howard asked when Mr. Skin got his first VCR. Mr. Skin said it was in 1980. He said he had cable TV as well so there were movies with nudity in them so he had it all. Howard said Mr. Skin has paid his dues. Howard said he had no help whatsoever. Howard said he conned his parents into getting him these recording devices. Mr. Skin said that they thought he wanted to tape historic movies but he was taping the movies with nudity in them on to videotape.
Howard said that some people would say that he's a horrible person but he developed this into a multi-million dollar business. Mr. Skin said he did a keynote speech at a webmaster thing. He said he did that and his mom watched it. He said she had no idea that he was recording all of that stuff in the 1980s. Mr. Skin said he would tell them he was recording hockey fights and stuff.
Mr. Skin said when he started the site it was just him and one other person. Howard said Mr. Skin is amazing. He said the thing is that he can charge money for this. Howard asked if he had competitors along the way. Mr. Skin said he considers the whole internet a competitor. He said he can't believe that people pay for this stuff. He said there is a level of expertise there though. He said they go into detail in the descriptions. He said what he could have done was post pictures and video and that's it but he did bios and reviews. He said he has a description and the timing of the scene too. He said no one goes into that level of detail. Howard said he might say he has Skintegrity.
Gary said they also give suggestions on who you might like if you like that person. Mr. Skin said they might have similar body types that you don't know about. Howard said that's real recommendations. Mr. Skin said they go through and tag women for everything. He said they show their height and breast size and all of that. He said if you want to search you can find exactly what you're looking for. Robin said it sounds like they're taking all of the fun out of it.
Howard said he is still upset with the Khaleesi, Emilia Clarke, in Game of Thrones. He said she won't get naked anymore. Mr. Skin said they do have 2 seasons of nudity on record though. Howard was also upset about the one nude scene where they had a stand in for the ''shame'' scene. Mr. Skin said that was a great nude scene but that wasn't the real actress.
Howard asked if the kids are aware that he's Mr. Skin. He said they are aware that he's on Howard Stern but they can't listen. He said he has 3 kids and they are in 6th, 4th and 2nd grade. He said they can't listen to this stuff. Howard said he must be a millionaire from doing this. Mr. Skin said he is because he's been doing this so long. He said that everyone on the neighborhood looks at him funny. Howard asked if the kids will take this over. Mr. Skin said he hopes not. He said maybe his son. Howard asked if he would post his daughter in a scene if she was nude in an acting scene. Mr. Skin said it would be awful if she won best rear burger or something.
Howard said that you can see all of this at HowardStern.com. Howard said the first choice here is great. Howard said it's Alicia Vikander. Howard said she was in Ex Machina. Howard said she was nude in that movie. Mr. Skin said that they did feel this was the best nude scene. Howard said that she was in The Danish Girl too. Howard said her career took off after that. Mr. Skin said Margot Robbie is in a bunch of movies too. He said she wasn't a great performer but it's because she's gorgeous and she's willing to do nude scenes.
Howard said Lena Headey won for best nips. She won for something other than Game of Thrones. Howard said Kate Hudson won for Best Camel Toe. She did that in Rock the Kasbah. Mr. Skin said Camel Toe is hard to pick up in a scene but his guys are able to pick it up. He said you can see it really well in the picture because they blew it up.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman won for best sex with a Teddy bear. Howard said he still hasn't seen this movie. He told Gary to get him a copy. Mr. Skin told him about the scene. Howard said it sounds wild. He said that Mr. Skin should do some low budget movies lie that to get girls to do that kind of stuff. Howard said Sarah wasn't able to call in this morning but she wrote a speech that he quickly read to Mr. Skin.
Howard said Alison Williams won for a sex scene she did in ''Girls.'' Howard said that show has a lot of nudity. Mr. Skin said she went from Peter Pan to getting her ass eaten within a week. Mr. Skin said an ass eating scene is very rare and last weekend they had a behind the scenes of that scene on the Blu-Ray. He said that's unheard of.
Howard said Longest Butt Crack is a great category. He said it's Erin Marie Hogan in Ray Donovan. Mr. Skin said they were wondering if it was real. He said that's the longest butt crack they've ever seen. Howard said they say that JD has a long one too.
Howard said that they gave Angelina Jolie a lifetime Skinchievment award. Mr. Skin talked about how she's been naked 14 times in her career. Howard asked if she is too skinny now. Mr. Skin said she is very skinny. He said that Howard should like that. Mr. Skin said he likes some meat on the bones.
Howard said that he has to announce Breast Picture and he'll get out of this because even he's creeped out by it. Mr. Skin said that when he saw Alexandra Daddario in True Detective he was reminded of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. He said that was the best topless scene ever. He said that it's still the best one in his opinion.
Howard said that he's so excited about Breast Picture. Howard said this is 50 Shades of Grey. He said that Dakota Johnson is the hottest thing. Howard said that she's so hot. Howard showed it to Robin and she said ''So what...'' Howard said that she's very hot. He said her mom was hot too. Howard said she's showing it all in that movie. Mr. Skin said for Breast Picture he goes to something mainstream. Howard said he's afraid that she won't get naked in the next one. Mr. Skin said he can't imagine she won't be. He said chances are look for some nudity.
Howard asked if he gets ''skinside'' information. Mr. Skin said sometimes it's accurate. He said he was tipped off about Regression with Emma Watson and he was told she'd be naked but she wasn't. He said no nudity at all.
Howard asked what they have to look forward to this year. Mr. Skin said that Jennifer Lawrence may be nude in a movie called ''Passengers.'' He said she's said that she had a wild sex scene in that.
Howard asked what the most searched movie is on his web site. Mr. Skin said Porky's is right up there. He said they like the group shower scene. He said that it's also Basic Instinct. He said now it's out on Blu-Ray so the leg cross is more effective now.
Howard asked who the most searched actress is. Mr. Skin said Scarlett Johansson is probably the one right now. Mr. Skin said in the history of the web site Alyssa Milano is the most searched. He said he can't explain it. He said Jennifer Love Hewitt is another one. He said he just can't explain it. He said it's from that Who's the Boss era. He said she has been topless in some movies. He said that her breasts and bush were shown in 1994. Robin asked who they wait to see now. Mr. Skin said Jennifer Lawrence and Mila Kunis are people they want to see.
Howard asked who the best Nudecomer is for the year. Chanel Iman is the one. Mr. Skin said that she used to be a model. He said she's very exotic.
Howard asked what the best Nude Wheelbarrow is. Mr. Skin said it's a scene with James Franco's brother where he's in the wheelbarrow position and they screw up and the girl is grabbing his legs. He said that won that category.
Howard said there are 100 other categories. Howard said you can go to MrSkin.com to find out more about the winners. Howard said they also have it up on HowardStern.com. Mr. Skin said it's all free to look at if you're interested.
Mr. Skin said his team of people go through every movie and TV show. He said they found a movie called Midnight Sex Run and this girl is topless and this girl is saying that the guy is a Nazi for leaving her and she does the Hitler moustache move and salutes him. He said it's something people had to see so they gave it an award. He said he's never seen a girl do that while topless.
Howard said Mr. Skin also has a site with naked guys. Howard said he gets upset by that. Mr. Skin said he's over it now. He said the first 13 years were just women. Howard said now they have guys looking up the naked men stuff. Mr. Skin said they have people who like to look up Leonardo DiCaprio, brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. He said that Liam Neeson has shown his penis in a movie and it's big. Mr. Skin told Howard about some of the categories they have for the Mr. Skin Manatomy Awards.
Howard asked if there are any women who subscribe to the Mr. Man stuff. Mr. Skin said that it's mostly men but there are some women.
Howard asked if bush is in this year. Mr. Skin said Mirkens are making a comeback because women aren't fully grown and they have to put that mirken on. He said Kristin Wiig won for a nude scene she did and there were reports that she wore a Mirken in that scene. He said he thinks they're very hard to pick out in a scene though. Howard said that he should be so proud of himself for what he does. Mr. Skin called himself a Load Scholar instead of a Rhodes scholar. Howard wrapped up and gave Mr. Skin some plugs. They went to break a short time later. They played a Howard 100 and 101 song parody and a ''Taylor Not So Swift'' (Wendy the Slow Adult singing) bit as they were going to break.
Howard said he makes notes for the show and he was thinking about the Grammys. He said he liked the B.B. King tribute. Robin said they talked about that stuff on Monday a bit too.
Howard said he played the Medicated Pete thing. Howard said the Oscars are on this weekend. He said he'll watch. Howard said he has to watch. He said he's a commentator. Howard said that black awards do mater though. Howard said that Chris rock has to address that whole thing. Howard said he was thinking back to past hosts. He said David Letterman was a good host. Howard had a fake Oscar clip with Evil Dave doing some edgy material.
Howard said he hasn't taken one phone call today. He said that's something. Howard took a call from a guy who said one of his favorite parts of the show is when Fred cracks up over something Howard says. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said he doesn't feel his laugh is real. The caller said he thinks it is genuine. Robin said she thinks he has a real laugh. Fred said Howard has it in his brain and he can't change that. Howard said he loves irritating Fred. Howard said he thinks Fred has a real laugh but they've never heard it.
Benjy said his laugh has been very well received. He said the audience loves his laugh. Howard said they're talking about Fred. He said it wasn't about Benjy. Howard said he tried to take Fred's moment there. Howard said he thinks Robin has a thing with Fred and she's not willing to say anything about him. Howard said he thinks Robin's laugh is real. Fred said on occasion he thinks that her's is fake and so is Howard's. Howard said he was laughing this morning but he doesn't laugh that often.
The caller said Fred does laugh at the funniest moments so he thinks it's a real laugh. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he's not putting Fred down but it's not a real laugh. He said he's like Mr. Data on Star Trek when they tried to teach him emotions. Robin was laughing and said that's a real laugh. Howard said Fred had a tough life. He said he won't go into it but not much is funny to him. Howard said he's socially awkward too. Howard said he is too. Howard said even Benjy won't admit it and say that Fred's laugh is fake. Howard said he doesn't mean it as a put down. Fred said he does. Howard said he's like Watson the computer.
Howard asked if Gary thinks it's a real laugh. Gary said he does think for the most part it is. Howard said he's afraid of Fred, that's why he's saying that. Gary said he's really not. Howard said Fred is like that Vulcan.
Howard asked Fred how he's doing. He asked if he has anything to add. Fred said he thinks that was his moment. Robin said he only laughs occasionally. Howard said he thinks Fred believes his laugh is real but it's not a real laugh. Howard said he's very keyed into Fred. Howard said he's known Fred for many years. Howard did the math trying to figure out when they met. He said it was like 1978 or so. He said it's over 30 years. Howard said it's like 37 years. He said he did that math pretty quick right there.
Howard said they have a poll up asking if Fred's laugh is real. Fred said he doesn't care what the results are. Robin said he's not so calculated. Robin said it escapes him. Robin said his laugh is usually a surprise. Howard didn't understand. Robin said Fred isn't mic'd all the time. Howard said Fred knows. Robin said the laugh occurs by accident. Robin said he surprises himself by laughing.
Howard asked Jason for his thoughts on this. He said he's honest. Howard asked Jason to get on Gary's microphone. Jason said he thinks it is a real laugh. He said he never even considered it was fake. Howard said he thinks it's fake all the time. Howard said he has to lower his microphone because it's so loud. Robin said she's not sure what he's even talking about. Howard said he hears everything that goes on. He said Fred is the man and he lets him do his thing. Fred said he appreciates that even when he's beating him down for laughing. Howard said the poll says that over half the internet thinks that his laugh is real. He cut his microphone off after that.
Howard said it's real comfortable in there now. He said he will talk to him during the break. Fred said that won't happen.
Howard said he has a clip of Angry Alice talking about Black History Month. Howard said she called in and left them a message. Howard played the clip and Alice called Shuli to talk about some stuff and brought up black history month. She was upset about something and she's not a fan of black history.
Howard said she left one voicemail about High Pitch Erik. Howard said she's pissed at him about something. Howard played that clip and Alice went off on Erik for some reason but it wasn't clear why. Alice was calling him names and going off on him for a minute. She said he has ugly nig*er lips and said he must have some in him. Howard said he's not sure why she's angry with him. He didn't say anything about her. Robin said maybe she's in the Elephant Boy camp.
Howard said he has more stuff to play but they'll get to it another time. He played an oral hygiene tip from Wendy the Slow Adult.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Simon Cowell for about 30 seconds before Howard hung up on her. Howard said the show will do fine without him. He said he doesn't want to get into a whole feud thing with Simon. Howard said someone asked about him yesterday and he talked about it. Howard said it was weird when the whole Sony hack thing came out. That led to Howard talking more about what Simon did to his best friend by stealing his wife. Howard said he has been alone with attractive married women and he hasn't fucked them. He said you just don't do that. Howard said it's your friend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's the man code not to fuck someone's wife. Howard said he'd never do that. He said you don't fuck your friend's wife.
Howard asked Fred who he thinks is the angriest person on the show. Fred said it's Howard. Howard said he agrees. He said he had no place to put his coffee down in a meeting yesterday and he threw a bunch of water bottles to the ground so he'd have someplace to out it. He said he felt like an idiot after doing it. He said he needed to tantrum. He said he needs a release at times. Robin said she was talking to someone about Howard and they were saying that everything is significant to him. Howard said he'd like to know who that was. Robin said she's not going to say who it was.
The caller said they know Howard loves Fred. Howard said he does because he doesn't bother him. The caller said he's a genius. Howard said he's like Mr. Spock or Mr. Data. The caller said he's listen since 1982. He said he went into broadcasting because of Howard. Howard fake laughed at that. The caller said he's 52 now. Howard asked what he wants from him. He said he has diarrhea of the mouth. The caller was going on and on and not getting to his point. The guy, Dan, asked how you make it in the industry. Howard said he's not there to write a book about it. Dan said this is the first time he's ever called in. Howard said he thinks he has. Howard said he has a hard time making a point. Howard said he is horrible in this conversation. Howard said he's being honest. He said he needs a newswoman with a nice rack. Right Robin? Howard said maybe get a guy with a fake laugh next to you. Howard said get a Benjy too. Howard said there is no correct answer to this. He said you have to make people interested in what you're saying. Dan said he has that. He asked how you deal with management. Howard said it's a business and you have to be cooperative with management. He said he was and people don't realize that. Howard said he went on sales calls. Howard said he built a business. He said he worked hard at it and he was able to make it.
Howard said that he had to learn a lot on his own. He said he went to school but didn't learn a lot there. He said he learned how to edit tape on his own and used Scotch Tape to tape it together. He said he didn't know why it didn't hold. Howard said he had to learn this on his own. Howard said he never thought he'd make a dime doing this. He said he started out making $96 a week. He said now everyone wants a radio show immediately up there. Howard said everyone has a radio show and they don't realize they're bores. Fred asked if it's easier now than it used to be. Fred said there are people on TV who shouldn't be on. Howard said he doesn't know anymore.
Dan said he quit a job working $8 an hour in a mini-market. Howard asked why he quit. He said he should have sat at that station. He said he had a job at a legitimate station and he didn't stay there. Howard asked what was wrong with the job. Dan said it had the Prophet system and it's all pre-programmed. He said he'd like to have some input into what he plays. Howard said just play whatever they want you to play. Howard said he did that and just did his job. Howard said he was on the air so he was happy about that.
Howard said this guy is a maniac. Howard said just do the job. Dan said that he should be on more than 20 seconds. Howard said he shouldn't. He told him to go back to that station and beg them to put him back on the air. Dan said he disagrees with him on that. Howard said that's why he's where he is. Howard said he's going to give him an opportunity to talk for 20 seconds so he can hear what he has to say that's so interesting. Dan went into a news story about Space-X launching a rocket tomorrow. Howard cut him off after 15 seconds. Howard said it was horrible. Howard asked if he's being too harsh. Robin said no. Dan said he thinks he is. Howard said he's going to give him 10 seconds to fill now. Dan did an awful accent and used the word cunt. Howard said he was a disaster after that. Howard said he should go back to Allentown and he should pay them to put him on the air.
Robin said this guy sounds like Riley Martin with his money demands. Dan said he just wanted to tell Howard he loves him. Howard wished him luck with that career. He said he has it all figured out. Howard said you don't get paid until you have a big audience. Dan said he gets that. Howard said he started out at a station where he was able to talk for a few seconds after a song. Howard said that's the way you get into it. Howard said it wasn't anything fancy. He said they didn't even talk up records. Dan said that Howard changed the game. He said everyone is scared of him. Howard said he made money for them. Dan said they don't want the next Howard Stern to come up in the system. Howard said if he thinks he is one then go out and prove it. Howard said go out and audition for a morning show after getting some practice in.
Dan said that he worked for Clear Channel and they're all pricks. Howard said that's his problem. Dan said that radio sucks today because you hear the same songs over and over. He said the DJ isn't allowed to talk. Howard said they play the same songs over and over because that's what people want to hear. He said that's how they get ratings and make money.
Howard said Dan has no point of view other than everyone being out to get him. Howard said the head of Clear Channel wants to make money. He said Dan has to help them make money to get a job there. Howard said this guy is a nut. Howard said someone told him he should be a teacher and this is the kind of student he'd have.
Howard let Dan go a short time later. Dan said he loves Howard. Howard told him to keep quitting stations. He asked who the hell would pay him $8 an hour. Howard said everyone is bad. He said Fred didn't fake laugh during that. Fred said there was nothing funny there.
Howard said no one gave them anything. Right Fred? Fred said that's right. Zero point zero. Howard said they don't just hand you money. He said that guy cant make it with that attitude. Robin said she loves people who want them to let them be Howard. Howard said he had to work toward that. Fred said Howard got beaten like a rented mule.
Wendy said that her mom got her a Karaoke Machine for Christmas. She wanted to sing for him. Howard had her perform song for them. Wendy went into a song and Howard said just imagine living with that. Howard hung up on her in the middle of that song. Howard said if she calls back just tell her they lost the connection.
Shuli came in and said that Wendy has a GoFundMe thing going on. He said her dog passed away and she wants to get a new dog. Howard said she should not have a dog. Howard said a dog is like having a baby. He said if you get a dog you have to know what you're doing. Howard said Gary got a puppy and there's so much training to do. Howard said Wendy wasn't even able to take care of a cat.
Howard said he was listening to a clip of Jeff the Drunk talking about how great this guy is that he takes calls from. Howard said he heard it and it was awful. Howard said he has to find it in his computer.
Howard said he's not sure he wants to get into Jeff but he did. Howard played a clip of Jeff telling Shuli about his new caller that he thinks is great. Shuli said he hasn't heard him yet. Jeff said his name is Ed and he's terrific. He said he has no filter. Howard said they were curious about that so they listened to this Ed guy with Jeff. Howard played a clip and said it's neither radio or a show. In the clip Jeff was talking to the guy and the guy didn't understand what he was saying and his audio was all muffled. Shuli said the guy stays on the phone for hours and hours. Howard said they can't hear each other because they're both mush mouths. Shuli said when the furnace kicks in you can't hear Jeff at all. It's like a jet engine going.
Howard played another clip of Jeff talking to Ed and Ed wasn't able to understand him. Howard asked how that is for good radio. Howard said Jeff is like Ed Sullivan discovering talent. Howard said he thought Jeff was a bore but the people who listen to him are worse.
Howard said they took some audio of Jeff and called a Jazz show. Howard played that prank call where they called into a show about Jazz with clips of Jeff crying and telling the guy he's not the best. They told the host that he used to be a musician but he lost use of one of his arms so he can't play now. They had Jeff cursing and yelling. The hosts said they were going to report them to the proper authorities. The guys kept calling in with clips.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about having a contest for listeners who play guitar and sing. Howard said absolutely not. Howard said he's not going to do a local music contest. He said they used to do that on radio and it sucks. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said they thought they had one worse than another when they'd do that on stations. Howard said that's amateur hour. The caller said he has one other thing. He said that he's a local musician and he's the guy who called in about the voice over thing. Howard told him to play something for him. The caller got his guitar and said he has to give him a chance. Howard said he will. The caller said he'll do James Taylor. Howard said alright. The caller played a song and sang and Howard laughed. Robin asked if he can hear them. Howard asked if the guy can hear himself. He said this is so bad. Howard said a little bit is fine. Howard said he has no talent. He said his guitar is bad and he's bad. The caller said okay. Fred said he should say he's doing Rip Taylor not James Taylor. Fred said his voice was semi-flat. The caller said that they're not nice at all. Howard said they're not.
The caller said that he called in about voice overs before. He said that they had a number for old shows and whenever he calls in they never play it. He said he's not sure why they play the same stuff two days in a row. Howard said it's all rigged. He said he'll put him on hold and said they'll take his request.
Howard took a call from The Lump who said that he climbed off Jeff's neck to call in about how much that guy sucked. Howard said he can't call in unless Jeff is on the line.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn again and she said that she's sick of these people who think they can be Howard. She said they can't be. She said Benjy is one of them. Howard thanked her and hung up on her as she was ranting. Howard had to do a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard said Gary sent him a news story about news anchor Liz Cho. Howard said she got pulled over. Robin said they found that her license was suspended. Howard said she's so hot that she forgot to renew it. Robin said she was pulled over for looking at her phone while driving. Robin said her license was suspended because she didn't renew her insurance. Howard said he met her husband when he was out once. Gary said she's married to another guy now. He said she's married to Josh Elliot. Howard said he bets she's fun in bed.
Howard said he doesn't watch a lot of local news. He said Gary told him about some hot news anchor. Gary said her name is Jennifer Lahmers. Gary said he and JD are really into her. Fred saw her and said that she's fucking beautiful. He said she shouldn't be on the news. Howard said that's Roger Ailes who came up with that. Howard said he's a genius.
Howard said Megyn Kelly is hot and seems to know stuff. Gary showed Howard the Jennifer Lahmers picture. Howard said she is hot. Gary said they send her out on the street and she still looks hot. Howard said she must be in training for FOX News. Howard said you can't be ugly and get into the news now. Howard said name 5 that aren't. He cut himself off and Gary said he could easily name them. Howard said that she went to Ohio University. Howard said that has to be the 13th grade.
Robin got to her news and read a story about Eliot Spitzer being accused of choking a woman in a hotel room. Howard said that was a good story. Howard and Robin talked about how he can't get away from hookers. Robin said he had hot women before but he just can't stop himself. Howard said they should just let him have hookers. Robin said it's illegal though. Robin said he just can't stop from doing it.
Howard said he did a favor for Wayne Siegel and there are two guys sitting in the studio. Howard said one of them is his future son in law. Howard said he heard he was coming in and Wayne asked him to shake his hand so he said no. Howard talked to Matthew who has been dating Wayne's daughter for 2 and a half years. Matthew said he and his brother are in the clothing manufacturing business. Howard asked if he makes women's clothes. Matthew said they do. Howard asked if it's high end. He said it's medium to high end. He said it's been going on for 4 generations. Howard said he's surprised it lasted that long. He said usually the second generation screws it up.
Howard said Wayne invited him to his daughter's wedding. Howard said he's pissed. Howard said he had to send a card. Howard said he just wanted him to be there because he's famous. Howard said you don't invite him to the wedding. Howard said he can imagine the conversations there. Howard said he's sure Wayne is happy that Matt makes a living. He said that means Wayne won't have to support him. Matt said he can change oil too. Howard said don't be funny like Wayne. Howard asked if he calls him Dad or Wayne. He said he calls him Wayne.
Howard said he hear it's a big wedding. Matthew said it's 300 people. Gary said that Wayne is spending a lot of money on that wedding. He said he's not paying for it all. Howard said that they should just take the money and invest instead. Matthew said they tried but the family is big and they had to invite people. Howard said they should just take the money and invest it. Howard asked how much it's costing. Matthew said it's not half a million. He said it's less than that. Gary said the wedding dress was a lot of money from what he heard. Matthew said Wayne picked a band and it'll be live music. They spent a few more minutes talking about the wedding. Howard said no one cares and he's not sure why he's bothering. Matthew said the wedding is this Sunday. Howard said he's busy. He said getting married on a Sunday is so wrong. He said it fucks up the whole week. Howard asked if Gary is going. Gary said he's got other plans. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Gary if he sent a gift. Gary said he sent $300. Howard said he sent a small fortune. Howard said that Ronnie will get blasted at the wedding. Howard had some audio of Ronnie cursing at Bubba the Love Sponge's wedding. Howard played that and said that's what's going to happen at this wedding. Howard said he's 66 and wears a cock ring. Howard said he's awfully witty when he's on that microphone.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the new Superman getting an R rating. Robin said that it's not clear why it's going from a PG-13 to an R but it's only going to be available on DVD and Blu-Ray. Howard said he liked Deadpool because it was R rated. Howard said it was good. Robin said that this one will only be on DVD and Blu-Ray. Robin said she's still not sure Ben Affleck will be a good Batman. Howard said he thinks he'll be fine. He said he just wants them to keep making movies like that. They spent a short time talking about Superman and Batman.
Robin read a story about Tim Tebow being the 5th most popular quarterback in America. Howard said he wasn't even that good. Gary said he was good for a season and then he bounced around. Gary said he thinks it's because he's so religious. He said he was a great college quarterback too.
Howard asked Matthew about where he's going on his honeymoon. Matthew said that they're going to Belize. It's a surprise but she's not listening. Howard asked if they have Zika down there. Matthew said they do but they'll take a break from getting pregnant for 2 years. Howard said it would be great if they had a Beetlejuice. Howard said he can come back on if he has one but he can't if he doesn't. Howard said his name could be Siegeljuice.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis talking about fake Christians who don't practice what they preach. Robin had more details about what he said.
Robin read about Kesha and how she's been trying to get out of her contract with Sony. She's accused one of the execs of drugging and raping her. Robin said there's a big article in the paper today about it and other women are supporting her. Robin said that other celebs like Lena Dunham, Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson and others are backing her up.
Howard said he'll pay for an extra week in Belize if Matthew knocks up his wife while he's down there. He just wants another Beetlejuice.
Robin read a story about Ben Carson being told to step out of the race to let the big guys fight it out. Robin said he's not listening though. Robin said he's keeping it up. Howard said he's not sure why they care what he does. Robin had some audio of Carson talking about how he's been told he doesn't have a chance many times in his life. Howard said he wants votes so bad he called Big Foot. Howard played a prank call they made to Big Foot using a fake Ben Carson. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about the Zika virus and how it could be transmitted sexually so Matthew could get it and pass it along to his future wife. Robin said that they're saying that it can spread that way. Robin said they say it's easier to get than they thought.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump thinking he has an advantage of winning the republican nomination. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin said that Antonin Scalia is gone and they need to nominate another Supreme Court Justice. Howard said it turns out he didn't like him. Howard said he has some audio of Gary asking him about Howard Stern and he said he doesn't like him. He said it's real quick. Howard played the clip and they introduced Gary to Antonin and he said he's not a fan of Howard's. Gary asked if he's ever heard it. Scalia said he's heard it but he has a filthy mouth. Howard said rest in peace Justice Scalia. Robin said they say that he suffered from a number of illnesses. Robin said that probably contributed to his sudden death. Howard said they asked him who his favorite comedians were. Howard had a clip of Scalia talking about how much he liked Johnny Carson and people like that. He didn't like Don Rickles because he was vulgar.
Howard said Sour Shoes called in as Gary and left a message where he talks about Scalia. He said he drones on just like Gary in the clip. Howard played it and Sour goes on and on like Gary talking about meeting Scalia at the Correspondents dinner. Howard said he sounds so much like Gary. Sour gets in that ''noine'' thing a bunch of times during the call. Howard said he likes how he calls him ''Anto-noine''. Howard said that goes on and on. He said he won't play the whole thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Super Tuesday and how one state lawmaker in Nevada is upset that some people showed up dressed in KKK robes and hoods. Robin said that happened last night. Robin said next Tuesday is Super Tuesday. Robin said Trump is getting the racist vote. Howard asked if he really is. Robin said they heard what people were saying at Wing Fest.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's broken up about some of the calls he's had this morning and he's wondering when he can come in and hang out with him and Fred. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin read a story about a guy who helps kids study for the SAT and she had some audio of him talking about what kids can do to prepare for the test.
Robin read a story about how MasterCard is going to introduce something called SelfiePay to let you pay instead of using a password.
Robin read about Celine Dion making her return to the stage after losing her husband and brother. Robin said she returned to her Vegas show last night.
Robin read about The View coming back for a 20th season. Robin read about who is returning to the show for the 20th. Robin said she hardly knows anyone but Joy Behar and Whoopie.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said they have some hot topics to knock out. Jon said that Howard said Fred has a fake laugh. Jon said they did a poll already about that but they're going to run the same poll and see what happens. They're asking if you think Fred's laugh is fake or real.
Jon asked Mr. Skin if he thinks he's faking it. Mr. Skin said that he thinks that he laughs about the same stuff that Fred does so he thinks it's real. Jon asked Rahsaan if he feels the same. Rahsaan said he is laughing around the same time Fred is and it doesn't sound fake to him. Jon said he doesn't think he's fake laughing either but it can stand out. He said he doesn't think he's fake at all. He said Robin was agreeing with Howard a little bit but even she disagreed eventually.
Jon said he's not sure if people were stying quiet to stay on Fred's good side or what today. He said he thinks that maybe he goes overboard with the laugh and that's what Howard is thinking is fake.
Jon asked if anyone else in there fake laughs. Jon said Benjy was saying that everyone loves his laugh. Rahsaan said they all sound pretty genuine to him. Jon said Jackie used to laugh at his own jokes. He said he may have put them in there to let people know he wrote those jokes. Jon said he doesn't think Artie ever did that. He said that Robin and Howard's laughs seem pretty sincere.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Fred fake laughs to make a joke work or something. He said that it might be just to contribute. He said he thinks Howard fake laughs sometimes too. He said today when he was laughing he was laughing so hard and it was amusing but it sounded like he was crying. Jon said he thinks today was a good example of him not faking it. He said that's when he can't hold it back.
Jon played a clip of some of the things that happened on the show today. He said that was a mess of a show today. He said he means that in a good way. Jon said that Ronnie was there for the Memet thing and Ronnie chimed in with the cock ring advice. Jon said that he's very proud of that. Jon asked Mr. Skin if the cock rings make an appearance on his site at all. Mr. Skin said there are but he's not sure exactly where. He said it's very interesting to hear Ronnie talk about it like it's common. Rahsaan said he didn't know it was to help you last longer. Gary said he thought it was for that and for tickling the puss on the outside. Gary said that this is normal for Ronnie but he doesn't know anyone who has ever used one. Jon said Ronnie said he has a bunch of them. They went to break after that.
Jon said that they're going to let Mr. Skin take over in the last segment. Jon said that they have to get to the bathroom and what happened in there. Jon asked who is at fault there. Gary said he's not sure why Robin asked if he had rubber gloves. Gary said she could have just told him what went on in there. Gary said it is insulting to tell a guest to go to another bathroom but only if they understand. Jon said Sal should have known better. Gary said if Beet doesn't know it's an insult then is it an insult? Gary said his people would know and maybe it would be insulting to him. Gary said he probably would have let him use that same bathroom that he crapped in. He said now he knows better though. Gary said this may extend to High Pitch Erik and Big Foot too. Gary said it's for people who are capable of wrecking the toilet.
Jon said they have to talk about Beet's smell too. Gary said that he's been told that High Pitch Erik has an odor but he hasn't smelled it. Jon said he hasn't smelled it every time but he has at times. Gary said he did once before. He said it's like that smell when you have clothes that get wet and you roll them up and then put them on at a later time. Gary said there are others who have an odor that he's been told about but he doesn't get it that much.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is so old that maybe he shouldn't be doing what he's doing. Gary asked why. He said he still has the ability and why stop? The caller said he doesn't want to think about his grandpa having sex like that. Gary said he's not his grandpa. The caller said he's not but he looks like one. Jon said he thinks Ronnie is younger in spirit than most people up there.
Jon asked Mr. Skin where Ronnie ranks among the people on Mr. Man. Mr. Skin said if they had something of Ronnie doing something they'd put it right up.
Gary said he had a friend who had HBO when it first came out and he'd tell him about these great sex scenes. Mr. Skin said that when he first got it there were a ton of British and Italian movies that he was watching. He said some of the stuff was rough. He said if you were into it you knew all of the movies. He said there were like 1000 movies instead of 20,000 like there are now.
Mr. Skin said that the 80s had some great teen movies. He said that they had some great nude scenes back then too. He talked about a scene where Virginia Madsen was topless. He said she's got great breasts too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't believe they haven't brought up Howard being able to break the tension on the show with a joke about Fred. He said that he'll make a joke about Fred and Fred always laughs in the same way and it's always fake. He said they must hear that. Gary said he doesn't hear that. He said maybe it's true but he doesn't hear that. Jon said that he does hear the jokes but he doesn't think the laugh is fake. He said he thinks it's sincere.
Jon said Howard was looking for someone to back him up today and no one was coming in. Gary said that he got on his case about not taking his side but he really doesn't think his laugh is fake.
Jon said he thought Fred handled it very well too. He said he wasn't sure where Robin was going to go with that. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he's on MrSkin.com a lot. He said that he sees a woman on a TV show and he wonders if they've been nude before so he'll go on the site and research it. Jon said that web site is run so well and it's got so much information.
Gary said the site is run really well and that's why he recommends it to people. He said it works to perfection. Mr. Skin said that he has great people who work for him. He said it's not just him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the Entourage movie and there's a girl who is really hot in that. Mr. Skin said that they mention the site in that movie too. He said that the girl the caller is talking about is Sabina Gadecki.
Jon asked who the tent poles are for the site. Mr. Skin said that he's more retro himself. He said that he knows there are newer women that the fans might be into. Mr. Skin said that he's into the girls from that era where the girls had natural breasts and a full muff. He said he's into the 70s, 80s and 90s girls while some of the fans might be into the girls after 2000.
Mr. Skin said there's a movie where Kelly Preston gets fully nude and it's in full daylight. He said that movie would have been forgotten if it wasn't for that scene. He said they had a contest between Phoebe Cates and Kelly Preston and Kelly won.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jon and Mr. Skin ever had a rivalry. Jon said not at all. He said that Mr. Skin got people to pay for his site. Jon said to get people to come back month after month is no small achievement. Jon said they always got a kick out of each other. Mr. Skin said he likes that Jon knew the stuff that he knew about TV shows. He said he thinks Jon been fitted very well from that.
Jon said that Fred discovered Jon. Gary said he found Mr. Skin. He said that Fred read about Jon in Sports Illustrated and he thought that he might be good on the show. Jon said he thought Gary was the one who brought him in. He asked Gary how he found out about Mr. Skin. Mr. Skin said it was a kid who worked in Chicago who came to work for Howard. He said they gave him a shot on the show. Mr. Skin said that he was very nervous and he thought Howard might think what he does is stupid. He said that they got so much traffic that his site shut down. He said that they booked him to come on even more that same day.
Gary said there was a book called Bare Facts and it was basically the Mr. Skin of books. He said it's so much more work to read a book and then go rent the movie. Gary said the joking about it makes it seem less pervy. Mr. Skin said it doesn't work if you don't have a sense of humor about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Mr. Skin has anything about Topanga from Boy Meets World has ever done anything nude. Mr. Skin said that she hasn't. Jon said her name is Danielle Fisher. Mr. Skin said for some weird reason guys search for her a lot. He said it's weird that people are so into her. He said she had a nip slip in a movie. He said Mila Kunis is one that guys want to see. He said anything you've seen her nude in was a body double. He said Katy Perry or Jessica Simpson are a couple of others that would be great to see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think Fred's laugh is fake. He also asked Mr. Skin about Eliza Dushku and if she's been nude in anything but Alphabet Killer. Mr. Skin said no but it's a nice scene. Jon said she's going to be in Banshee in the final season. Mr. Skin said he's not sure if you can be in that show and not be nude.
Gary said that Shameless is the best show for nudity. He said he has to give props to Emmy Rossum. He said she's been nude in every season and she's not slowing down. Mr. Skin said that she's the lead in the show too. He said you have to admire that. He said he loves Masters of Sex too but Shameless stepped it up with the shocking the nipples scene last season.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Heil Hitler scene but there was another one with Olivia Wilde. Gary said she's an upcoming guest.
Gary asked if they're going to do an app. Mr. Skin said that he has to be careful with Apple. He said that it could be fun for guys and not have nudity in it. He said nudity and apps don't go together.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll today. Rahsaan said that 70 percent believe his laugh is real. Jon said that's pretty strong. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around Noon.
Jon said their other guest is Michael Rapaport. Michael said he's glad to be there. He said this is his first appearance of 2016. He said it's year of the monkey for their information. He said they can do the math on that.
Gary asked what he texted him this morning. He said he didn't know what he was talking about. Jon said they're breaking each other's balls constantly. Gary said they had a great lunch out in L.A. He said there was something great that happened at lunch. Gary said he sent him a note asking to meet for dinner and it was going to be on Michael. Gary said that Michael went for the check and Ross went for it. Ross said if he pays for it he'll never hear the end of it so he took it and Michael took his card back. Michael said he's still going to rail on Ross. He said he wants his free subscription.
Michael told a story about how he and Gary were wearing the same t-shirt out at the pool one day. He said that brought him a lot of joy.
Gary said if Michael pays for lunch you are going to pay in other ways. Michael said Ross was smart to pay. He said Jon should do the same thing now that he's a best selling author. Jon said they wouldn't go to the same place they went to in L.A. Gary said they'd be at 5 Guys instead of the Four Seasons.
Jon said they have to find out what Michael thinks about Wing Bowl. He said it's one of the most racist places you can go. He said it sells out every year though. Jon asked Michael if it's over the line for him to hear people yelling out the N-word. Michael asked if it's a racist place or is it just a couple of guys. He said there was one guy they played that was brutal. Gary said there were groups of people yelling out the N-word. Michael sounded surprised by that. Gary said it's racist and anti-women too. He said they were yelling out rape stuff. Michael said it's good to put these people out there. He said he'd rather have people in the open instead of hidden.
Gary asked if it's better to have your cards on the table or be subtly racist. Michael threw out a Kimbo Slice's name and said they should send him to Wing Bowl next year. Michael said he'll go with him. Rahsaan said that they're still going to do it because they're all drunk. Michael said he'll go next year.
Jon asked Lionel what he thinks. Lionel said this is just stupid. He said it's not even racist. He said they should let their stupidity out. He said he blames social media because people are just spewing stuff. Jon asked how he'd feel if there were two friends who constantly taunt each other by calling one monkey and things like that and the other person goes along with it. He asked if they're wrong for doing that.
Michael asked Lionel if his last name is really Lebron. Lionel said it is. He said his real name is Michael Lebron. They spent a little time talking about how he thinks of himself as black even though Michael said he's obviously white. They went to break a short time later.
Lionel said just because someone says something doesn't make them racist. He explained what he was talking about. Jon asked if Sal is racist. Lionel said it depends on what he means. Lionel said it's more than just saying things. He said if you do something other than just say something then maybe. Gary said Sal really is a product of his environment. He said he grew up in that pizzeria. He said he'll say something and look at you to see if he said something wrong. Michael asked what he's said before. They told him some of the stuff that Sal has said.
Lionel was trying to figure out why you're a racist just for saying something stereotypical. He spent a minute talking to the guys about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to agree with Lionel about the crime being a crime thing he was talking about earlier. Michael asked if you beat up a transsexual and call them names while you're doing it. He said you're only fucking with them because of their sexuality. Lionel said it's still a crime. Lionel said it doesn't matter why you do something. He said he hates the term hate crime. He said crime is crime. They discussed that for a couple more minutes and then went to break.
Rapaport was doing a Stallone impression of him accepting an Oscar. Jon said they discovered that Sylvester Stallone is a Wrap Up Show fan. Rahsaan said he posted a video on his Instagram and had the Wrap Up Show playing in the background. The guys spent a little more time talking about the Oscars and who they think will win. They spent some time arguing about whether or not Mad Max should have even been nominated for best picture.
The guys spent another 5-10 minutes talking and arguing about the nominations. I zoned out in the middle of the discussion. I can't write up something I'm not into. They ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon said when he said to Beet the other day that sometimes he gets away and he once showed up with a shit in his pants he turned around like he was going to kill him. He said now they know that shit surrounds him quite often. Jon said he does take offense to being accused of stuff like that. Gary said Dominic wasn't around to be blamed for it this time.
Jon said everyone there is in a better mood when Beet is there. Gary said you wonder why he's not happy sometimes. Scott asked why he would be in a bad mood. Gary said he gets quiet and abusive sometimes. He said he'll get quiet and tell you ''fuck you'' and to leave him alone. Danny said they played one of maybe the best games ever with the Five Game. He said that the name of the game was in the game and he didn't get it. He said some of the Wack Pack are predictably unpredictable.
Gary said he loves the game ''This or That'' because people like Big Foot will have answers you can't predict. Jon said that the answer with him is the answer and he's not trying to please anyone. Danny said nothing threatens your status more than the lack of authenticity. He said if someone is putting on their wackiness it'll show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was wondering how aware Beetle is in his personal life. He asked if he's the same on the show as he is off. He said he never seems to know what's going on or if he gives a shit. Jon asked Gary if he knows. Scott asked if he goes home and day trades stocks. Gary said one thing he loves is that he has a swagger and he walks down the hall like he's king shit. He said he'll point to people and say hi. He said Sal will ask him if he knows who Baba Booey is and he says he knows even if he doesn't. He said he has an arrogance about him that's so funny.
Jon said they told some stories about dealing with Beet. He asked if he'd be harder to take care of than Wendy. Gary said Wendy is all over the place and she's very well known in her neighborhood. He said he heard she was banned from some place she was going to. He said she was wrecking their bathroom and they asked her to stop coming.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they were talking about Fred's fake laugher the other day. He said he is a long time listener and he noticed Fred cracks up every time Howard burps. Gary said he's never noticed that. He said he doesn't monitor Fred that closely. Danny said that the caller is right. He said Mr. Skin brought up a good test. He said if you laugh it's a good test to see if Fred is laughing. Danny said he thinks the fake laugh thing is fake. He said he thinks it's very authentic. He said Fred's laugh sounds a lot like the chicken noise he plays. He said he thinks it's authentic though. He said he thinks Howard brought it up because he knew it would irritate Fred. Danny said Fred did seem irritated. Jon said he has noticed the burp thing. He said he thinks he finds it funny. He doesn't think it's a fake laugh.
Scott said he thinks Fred's is real but Robin isn't laughing for real. He said you can tell when it's not real. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he thinks it's all real. He said he will laugh at things that he laughs at and surprises himself. He said some days it just catches you the right way. They went to break after that.
Gary said everything is different now though. Danny said the debates last night show that. He said we are in a new era. Jon said he saw the debate last night and thought about how funny it was but then he realized that they're trying to be the most powerful person in the world and that scares him.
Jon said Howard could become a Supreme Court Justice but it's doubtful. Jon said that the other question he has is about Wing Bowl. He said people are yelling the N-word out with African American's there. He asked if that is freedom of speech. Danny went into an explanation about freedom of speech and how using fighting words like that in a place like that can be illegal. He said if you say it right to that person you're looking at it can be qualified as fighting words.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks about those crowds compared to his Anthrax show fans. Scott said they've never had to deal with anything like that. Jon said people know what they're getting into when they are at Wing Bowl. Gary said if 20 people are chanting that and someone else hears it and attacks a black man, are the people who were chanting it held responsible. Danny said if there are damages or injury they might have civil liability. He said you'd have to look closely at who shouted and who did the damage. Danny said first amendment cases are very fact specific and none of them are exactly the same.
Scott said that he is probably the polar opposite of some of Anthrax's fans politically. He said there needs to be more education out there. Scott said he has fans who don't get it. He said he's used racial slurs in songs but people think he's using them for different reasons than he is.
Jon Gary said that they mock Daniel Carver and people don't get that they're mocking him. They spent a minute on that and then took a break.
Gary said he'd love to be able to air the vocal exercises in the green room. He said Stuttering John used to do this thing where he held his tongue and made some noise and Ted Nugent asked if someone was sick in the room. Gary said people don't sing at 7 in the morning so it's really hard.
Jon said sometimes someone will come in looking hung over but then they come into the studio and they nail the performance. Gary said it's not for the faint if heart to do it at that time of morning. Scott said it's muscle memory and sometimes you just come in and do it and you don't know how you did it.
Danny said it's a real risk to do it and he's surprised more people don't say no to doing it at that time of morning.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has an issue with the Wing Bowl thing. The caller said he had 3 brothers attack him and rob him but that's not racial? Gary said they're not talking about that. He said they're talking about the Wing Bowl. Danny said he can handle this. He said he's from Philly. Gary asked Danny if 3 black men attack a white man, is it a hate crime. Danny said any crime that's motivated by race then it is an enhancement on a crime. Danny said what the caller is talking about might be a hate crime. He said you need some additional elements that show it was motivated by race.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was going to buy the new Anthrax CD. He said he saw Scott out on tour and there was one point in the show where a guy was filming it. He said he was like one seat away from him and Scott yelled at the guy. He said it was really cool that he did that. He said it's not cool to do that and he thinks that you should buy it. He said he's there for anything they put out. He asked if they're going to put out a box set. Scott said maybe at the end. Gary asked when it's the end. Scott said he hopes someone tells him.
Scott said that they do stop people from filming at the shows. He said he does talking shows and he can't have that stuff on YouTube or he'll have to come up with new material. Gary said that he's old school because there are some bands that are giving their stuff away. Scott said they've always done stuff the same way. He said the internet makes it harder for them to sell music. He said it forces lots of artists to tour more. He said they've always toured the same amount so it's not much different for them.
Jon asked Scott about Gary listening to vinyl. Scott said he loves it and he doesn't care what it is as long as people are buying it. Jon asked if he thinks it sounds better than CDs. Scott said he thinks it engages the listener more. He said maybe it's because he grew up with it. Gary said it does require involvement. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 12:05pm.