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Howard and the guys were back from vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how he was very excited about the new contract until he woke up at 5 this morning. He said he asked himself what he did. He said he still has to get up at that time for 5 more years. Howard said this week is packed and he was having such a nice vacation. He said he was in Florida and it was like 82 degrees down there. He said he started to bum out last night like he does every Sunday. He said that he has to do 5 more years of staring at Benjy's tits. He said he can't see Robin's tits. He said he was bumming out. Robin said she was wondering when it was going to set in.
Howard said he found a new TV show on SyFy where these aliens take over earth and live in the sky. He said there's no more war or disease or hunger. He said that everyone is digging it and then some weird shit goes down. Gary said it's Childhood's End. Robin said she'll have to check that out. Howard said he loves it. Robin asked what that has to do with him being depressed. Howard said that the depression creeps in Saturday because he has to go to work on Monday.
Howard said he has to go to the dentist today for 3 hours. He said he didn't have braces as a child so his mouth his crowded and his teeth are hitting each other. He said that they have to shift stuff around. He didn't even want to get into it. Howard said he's sure it'll hurt but he won't feel the pain because he's so miserable. Robin asked if the dentist talks to him when his mouth is gaping open. Howard said they're professional so they don't do that. Howard said they know. Howard said he sits there feeling bad for the dentist. He said the guy has to put his hand in his disgusting mouth. He said he's respectful and doesn't ask questions.
Howard said he spoke to Trump for like 45 minutes the other day. He said he asked him what the fuck he was up to. He said he wondered what he's doing. Howard said he asked why he's doing this when he has such a great life. Howard said the guy is worth like 4-10 billion dollars. Howard said he has to get back on this show and start rating women again. Robin said she thinks about AJ Benza and Trump's fight when AJ writes to her on Facebook. Howard said Trump brought up that fight too. He said he's obsessed with it.
Howard said he wished Donald a happy new year when he talked to him. He said he wants to go to Camp David if Trump wins. He said that they have to open it up to the public if he wins. Robin asked if Hillary will go there if she wins. Howard said Bill will but not her. He said that she wants to get into office and start doing shit immediately. Howard said he has no problem with that. Howard said she'll be the first vagina in office if she wins.
Robin said they're talking about Donald Trump and what they're saying about him being recruitment material for ISIS. Howard said that he hasn't heard anything about Daesh in a while. Robin said everything is recruitment material.
Howard said he spent some time with Jimmy and Molly Kimmel over vacation. He said he kissed Jimmy at New Years. Howard said Molly and Jimmy stayed with them in Florida over vacation for 3 or 4 days. He said it was beautiful down there the whole time. Howard said that's the way to live. He said it's 82 degrees down there. Robin said it was pretty warm up there too. Howard said it was great down there. Howard said Beth was concerned that Jimmy and Molly might not have a good time so she wanted to do something. Howard said he just wanted to watch some movies. Howard said Jimmy gets movie screeners. He said he doesn't get them himself but Jimmy does. Howard said Jimmy doesn't even review them. Howard said he had one movie which was Daddy's Home with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell. He said it was really funny. He said he was laughing pretty hard.
Howard said he figured they'd watch some movies and he'd go to bed at 10:30 or 11. He said he gets fucked up if he stays up late. He said he wants to start the countdown at 8:30 or 9 on New Years.
Howard said Billy Joel was playing in Ft. Lauderdale so they were invited to that show in New Years. Howard said he didn't want to go to the concert. He said he told Beth there was no way they were going to that concert. Howard said even Billy knew that he didn't want to go. Howard said he loves Billy and his music. He said someone once told him that you don't go out on New Years Eve because everyone is on the road drunk. Howard said down there in Florida there was no traffic. He said they drove to Ft. Lauderdale and there was nothing on the road. Howard said that everyone was in a good mood.
Howard said they all wanted to go to the concert. He said Jimmy really wanted to go. Howard said they were going and Billy's wife wrote Beth asking if he'd do the countdown with him. Howard said he told her to say no. Howard said he's not Ryan Seacrest. He said he doesn't count down.
Howard said that Jimmy's friend is a cook so he came over and cooked for them that night. Howard said then they sent out to the concert. Howard said he just wanted to go watch Billy. He said he didn't want to do the countdown thing. Howard said the whole way there they heard that Billy was holding up the show to ask him something. Howard said he knew what that was going to be. Howard said Billy walked up to him and asked if he wanted to do the countdown. He said you can't say no to the guy. He said he's a legend. Howard said they got free seats right in the front and center. Howard said he can't say no. Howard said he didn't know what he was going to do up there.
Howard said he figured that Jimmy could come up with him and do the countdown with him. He said Jimmy agreed to do it. Howard said he got up there and talked to the crowd about the weather. Howard said then it was time for the countdown. Howard said Billy was playing Led Zeppelin so he was doing his impression for that. Howard said then it was like 10 seconds to midnight so he did his countdown. Howard said he tried to kiss Billy and Billy told him that's not going to happen. He said he's so uptight. Howard said he turned to Jimmy and he was very excited. He said he ended up kissing Jimmy. He said it wasn't that horrible. He said he didn't throw up. He said Jimmy told him he chubbed up on stage. Howard said it wasn't that bad.
Howard said that's how that all happened. He said they had a great time down there. He said Billy is great. He said he's still got it. Howard said he's almost human during some of those songs. He said he almost has feelings.
Howard said Robin went over to London defiantly. Howard said that she went even with the warnings. Robin said you must continue to travel and not let ISIS win. Howard said ever since she beat cancer everything she does is triumphant. Howard said that she loves to travel and goes to stupid places. He said she loves that. He said he likes going somewhere else. Robin said she likes to see how other people live. Howard said Robin told him where she was going and she's feeling so strong and powerful that she's back to her old routine of exhausting herself. Robin said she didn't pick a third world country. Howard said Robin said it was a triumph to get out there again. Howard said it really is for her to do that. Howard said he was happy that she was going off into the world again. Howard said she went.
Howard asked if there were any problems. Robin said that they had machine guns in some areas. She said they were doing security checks in many areas but everything was cool.
Howard asked about a new song they had about Robin for the new year. Gary told him where it was. Howard played the song which was about 5 more years of Robin's tits. Howard said that was a triumphant one. Robin said it's really not.
Howard said he has a retrospective that they have to get to. He said the staff prepared that. Howard said he told High Pitch Eric that he could come in to get weighed today. Howard said John Stamos is coming in today too. He said that he isn't as close to him as he was when he was with Rebecca Romijn. He said that John and Rebecca were always looking for couples to have fun with. Howard said once they split he stopped hearing from both of them. He said he lost both in the break up. Howard said he tried with both. He said that she never wants to get in touch with them anymore. Howard said they have to push to see them. Howard said that Jerry wants to hang with them but he has to put his foot down. He said that John will come in one day and he'll admit to everyone he's fucked. Howard said he's had sex with everyone in Hollywood.
Howard said that he has a lot to get to but before all of that he has to get High Pitch Eric in there. Howard said that he told him if he lost 10 pounds over the break he'd give him a Flat Ronnie. Howard said they weighed him before vacation. Howard said Jason weighed him and even High Pitch Eric was upset about how much he weighed. Jason said Eric was 423 pounds. Howard said he has to come in at 413 today. Howard said they'll take a break first and then get to Eric. Howard said he has more to get to today too. They went to break after that. As they went to break they played a JD's Beef of the Week bit.
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Howard said he has to get to High Pitch Eric. He said that he thought this was a good idea but now he's thinking maybe not. He said that he weighed in at 423 pounds before vacation. Howard said he isn't sure if Eric lost the weight. He said he claims to be starving himself. Eric walked in with a walker. Howard said he's so fat he walks like an old person. Eric said good morning and Howard said he's so fat. Eric said he doesn't know how much weight he's lost.
Howard said that Eric wants a Flat Ronnie so bad that he was threatening people there. Howard said his pitch was that he'd bring the Flat Ronnie on all kinds of shows. Eric said they don't know what's going on with him now. Eric said he's now a regular detective on Blue Bloods. He said Donnie had him as a regular detective. Howard said he's like Fat Ronnie. Eric said he has a detective shield on set. He said he saw Jenny a few weeks ago and told him that he better get that Flat Ronnie on the set.
Howard cut Eric off and said that he wants the Flat Ronnie. He said that Eric fell in love with Donnie Wahlberg and he talked about beating off to him. He said that's fine. Howard said he feels he came out of the closet in 2015. Howard said that was a big event. Howard said Eric masturbates to Donnie. Eric said he loves Blue Bloods. Howard asked if he is gay or just gay for Donnie. Eric said he's just gay for Donnie. Howard said he thinks he's more gay than he thinks. Eric said Donnie wants Flat Ronnie on the set too.
Howard said Eric was 423 pounds when he came in to get weighed before vacation. Eric said he thought maybe he was 420. Howard said the 3 pounds threw him off. Eric said that's right. Eric said Joey Boots is upset about not getting a Flat Ronnie. Howard said he'd give one to Joey because he gets on TV. He said if Eric lost 10 pounds he will get one.
Eric said he dieted for 2 weeks. He said he didn't drink any soda. Howard said maybe it worked then. Howard said that the soda must have been hard to give up. Eric said he didn't have soda or beer for 2 weeks. He said he did have some vodka though. He said it has no calories. He said if you put a lot of ice into it then it's turned into water. Howard said he won't even ask questions.
Eric said he worked out but he fell off the elliptical machine. Howard said Shuli thinks that Eric is lying about not drinking soda. Eric insisted that he didn't have any.
Howard said he saw the picture of Eric as a detective on Blue Bloods and that seems insulting to real detectives. Shuli agreed.
Howard said Eric went to the gym and cut out soda. Eric said he did some push ups at the gym. Howard said he read that he had some Italian food over vacation too. Robin said that doesn't sound very diet like. Eric said he only had one portion. Robin said she wants to see him do one push up. Howard said he does them on his knees. Eric confirmed that.
Howard had Eric get on the scale. Howard had him get out of his chair and walk over. Eric took his sneakers off and his cap off. Howard said he weighed 423 and now he's at 407. Howard said he's getting a Flat Ronnie. Eric said he told them that he'd lose the weight. Howard said he lost way more than 10 pounds. Howard tried to do the math. He did it in the long way that he does. Howard came up with 16 pounds. Robin said the way he did that was so hard. She said it was like going to the moon to get a bowl of water. Howard said he's going to say 16 pounds but that's a guesstimate. Eric said he can't believe it. Howard said he can't either.
Gary said he thinks Eric will be back up to his weight within 6 weeks. Gary was willing to bet him. Eric asked how much weight that would be. Gary asked how much he lost. Eric said 16 pounds. Howard asked if he could lose 25 in 6 weeks. Eric said it's easy. Eric asked if he loses 25 pounds if he could get a new Apple computer. Howard asked what Gary gets if he doesn't. Eric said that's hard. Howard said he has nothing to put up. Howard said that's sad that he has nothing to give. Gary asked how much he has in his checking account. Eric said $23. He said he can lose 25 pounds in 6 weeks. Howard said he should do it just for his health. Eric said he can do it. He said if he does that then he wants 50 bucks. Howard asked what he's going to give Gary if he doesn't. Eric said he'll give Gary $25. Howard said maybe it should be 50. Eric said he'll do that. Howard said he only has 23 in his account though. Eric said he will get 50 by then. Howard asked how. Eric said he's doing Blue Bloods so they're paying him. Howard said he has a $50 bet then. He said he has to lose 25 pounds in 6 weeks.
Howard said he thinks that's a good bet. Gary said he'd be wiling to double that. He said he'd like to see him lose the weight though. Gary said he'll give Eric's money to charity of he does win.
Eric told Howard about the food he's been eating lately. He said he's been drinking gallons of water too. Howard said that sounds healthy. Howard said that he has earned a Flat Ronnie. Howard asked if they have it there. Gary said they do. Eric said he'll bring it to Blue Bloods on Friday. Howard said he can tell Donnie and Jenny that he won it for them. Eric said absolutely. Robin said they might be ruining his TV career by making him lose the weight. Howard said it's already ruined.
Howard said he has a tape to play of Eric on Periscope. Howard said Eric takes a hit of some pot. Howard said he didn't know he smoked. Eric said it's so relaxing. Howard said he's on medication though. Eric said that he is on like 20. He said he's on all kinds of stuff for depression and pain. Howard said he wakes up and takes 20 pills. Eric said yes. Howard asked if the doctors all know what he's on. Eric said no. He said they don't need to know about the pot. He said he's on Xanax and Klonopin and other things.
Howard said that Eric was on Periscope and he coughs like Jeff the Drunk. Howard said it sounds like he's kind of ripping Jeff off. Howard said Eric's voice gets lower when he smokes and coughs. Howard said that's what's interesting about this. Howard played the clip and Eric takes a hit and starts coughing and you hear his voice get lower and lower as he's coughing. Then he talks and it's much lower. Shuli said he once called him stoned and told him his head felt like it was 500 pounds and the only thing to bring down his high was barbecue ribs. Howard asked where he gets weed. Eric said Joey gives it to him sometimes. He said that they have those fake cigarettes and he can't smoke with a regular pipe. He said he burns his hands because they're so fat.
Howard said Eric is vile. He said he means that in the nicest way. Howard said he's happy he lost the weight. He said they'll get him the Flat Ronnie. Howard said he just heard he's on Welbutrin too. He said he's on Lexipro and a bunch of other things too. Howard said he's got a lot of medications going in that fat body of his. Howard said he must have to take high doses because he's so fat. Eric said that's right.
Howard asked when they can expect to see Flat Ronnie on Blue Bloods. Eric said he'll have it on the set this week. Robin said that doesn't mean they're on the air that week though. Howard said Eric may not get that. Howard said the actors over there must be upset that they're on set with Eric.
Howard asked if Eric ever jerks off before going to the set so he doesn't get horny on set. Eric said he doesn't do that. He said that he doesn't get a boner. He said he does get happy. Howard asked if he has ever gotten aroused. Eric said maybe a little. Howard said Eric is attracted to him. Eric asked if Howard gets aroused around Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said not at all. He said maybe around John Stamos he will though.
Howard said that Eric does phony phone calls and this is one of them. He said Eric calls a pizza shop in this one. Howard played the call and Eric was calling about one of the young men there who wrote crude things about him (or her) since he was playing a woman. Eric read some of the things that they supposedly wrote and the guy said he's never heard of such a thing. The owner got on the phone and told him to bring it in and he'll look it over. Eric said he wants to get free food from this. The owner said he'd have to have a sheriff there with him. Eric said he agrees. He said they can sit down and have a free meal together. The guy demanded his phone number but Eric kept going with the goof until the guy hung up. They played a ''Who's High Pitch'' song parody and went to break after that.
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Howard said they have a couple of thoughts on 2015. Robin said they got Eric to lose 16 pounds. Howard said that was the biggest event of the year. He played a Daniel Mendelson JD song.
Howard said they had a big year. He said that they had a lot of people yelling out Baba Booey at events in 2015. Howard played a clip of Donald Trump acknowledging a Baba Booey at an event. One reporter thought he said ''Baba Boom'' though. Howard played a bunch of Baba Booey's from golf tournaments in 2015.
Howard said throughout the year he mentioned things that he hates. Howard said they made a montage and it turns out he hates everything. Howard played the montage and there were tons of things that he hates. Howard said he could sit there all day talking about the things he hates. Robin said he hates the moon. Howard said it's responsible for a lot of things including the period. Robin said Howard hates travel and the theater.
Howard said that Robin decided to embrace her singing in 2015. Howard said it's a new Robin. Robin said it hurts not being able to sing. Howard said she really opens up too. Howard said this is some of her singing from the past year. Howard played some clips of her singing various songs.
Howard said they had fantastic musical performances in 2015. Howard played some quick clips from performers like Alanis Morissette, David Crosby, Don Henley, Elvis Costello, James Taylor, Jewel, Rod Stewart and John Fogerty.
Howard said he saw that Cheap Trick was finally nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said Eddie Trunk had on Rick Nielsen and he said something really nice. Howard played the clip of Rick saying that he'd like to have Howard Stern introduce them. He said that Howard has been a champion for them over the years. He said Howard put them in Private Parts and he's always said nice stuff about them. Robin said of course Howard wouldn't do that. Howard said he would send Beetlejuice or Flat Ronnie to do it.
Howard said there are just so many bands that are ignored by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said if you watch Rick you'll see why he should be in. Howard said he saw that they had a falling out with Bun E. Carlos. He said he was surprised by that.
Howard said he has a list of bone head moves from the show in 2015. Howard said one of them is Gary unfriending him on Facebook. Howard said he still sees all of those pictures he posts though. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about unfriending him on the Wrap Up Show. Howard goofed on Gary again about the whole thing.
Howard said Gary was in Florida the whole vacation. He said he has a tan and he just stared at him. Howard said he didn't even notice he had a tan. Howard said he wouldn't know since he's not friends with him on Facebook. Howard said he heard there was a picture of Gary with his wife and son towering over Gary.
Howard said another bone head move was when Sal thought his cock was gone. Howard said that was this year. Howard played a clip of Sal yelling about his cock being gone. Howard said what he finds so great about that is that Sal is so hypnotizable. Howard said he's such an idiot. He played more of Sal freaking out about his cock being gone.
Howard said the biggest bone head move was JD admitting he didn't wash his sheets in a year. Howard played a clip of that too.
Howard said he was talking to someone about the sheet thing and women get so grossed out by it. Howard said that women have a reaction that's off the chart. Robin said if she had someone coming over her sheets would be clean. Howard said you'd think that a guy who is going to get laid would do anything.
Howard mentioned that JD had a birthday over vacation. Howard said he has had JD around there for years and he had no life before this show. Howard asked if JD thinks he'd have a job if he didn't hire him. JD said he doesn't know. Robin said he'd be able to get a job somewhere.
Howard asked how many sheets he got for Christmas. JD said he got a few before but not for Christmas. Howard asked how many. JD said like 3 or 4. He said he got some from people and from their sponsor Boll and Branch. Howard played a birthday song for JD after that. He played some song parody clips about JD's dirty sheets too.
Howard said he has another bone head move from Gary. He said that Gary asked Bradley Cooper to come over to his table and say hello during an event he was at. Howard said that Gary should know better than that.
Howard said he was at a restaurant and an older guy came over to him and said hi. Howard said the guy said he had a buddy who was practically a ''cripple'' and asked him to come over and take a picture with him. Howard said he said yes and he knew the guy was watching him the whole time. Howard said he debated it with his friends. Howard said everyone told him not to go over. Howard said he was out with Jimmy and some friends. Howard said that he was consumed with the guy calling his friend a cripple. Howard said the guy walked in. He wasn't a cripple. Howard said he'd take pictures with everyone if he looked like Stamos. Howard said he doesn't though. He said everyone goofs on him about his looks on social media.
Howard said he got done with dinner and went over and said hello to everyone. Howard said he didn't take a picture but he did say hello. Howard said then he left and everyone was happy. Then Jimmy took pictures with those guys and made him look like a douche. Howard said that those guys didn't even know who Jimmy was. Howard said that they were talking about CBS but Jimmy is on ABC. Howard said Jimmy was just laughing though. He said they had a few drinks. Robin said that's funny. Howard said the whole time they were just saying ''Redstone'' to Jimmy. He said they had no idea who he was.
Howard said he has another category for 2015. Howard said he has some of Fred's drops from last year. Howard played a few of the Robin clips he played last year. Howard had some clips of Sal that Fred played a lot last year. He had some drops of Tan Mom asking ''Where's Sal'' and other things. Howard said that Tan Mom really came on in 2015. Howard said that she really is Wack Pack.
Howard said that he had a lot of great drops of Ronnie from 2015. Howard played some of those. He had more Robin drops and one from a girl who wasn't able to stop sneezing. Howard said he loved that one too.
Howard said that Ronnie's sex tips were so gross in 2015 that he wasn't going to run them. Howard said they were so vile that he almost didn't air them. Howard said he had to air them though. Howard played a couple of examples. He had one of Ronnie talking about taking some tulips and spreading them like your girl's two lips. Howard asked Robin if that is exciting for her. Robin said she would beat him over the head with the tulips. Howard played another one where Ronnie talked about the ''cunt candle'' and how the girl would ''cum like the moon.''
Howard goofed on Ronnie about that for a short time. Robin said that he Halloween one got to her. Howard played that sex tip too. That was the mummy stick sex tip for Halloween. Howard said if you have to dress up in a mummy costume to get laid then you're in trouble.
Howard said he thinks they should give special acknowledgement to some song parodies from 2015. Howard said they got more email about ''I'll Suck Your Ween.'' he played the original and some parodies of the parody. Howard said they had an A Cappella version and more. He played a bunch of those.
Howard said that he has to give Michael Rapaport a special acknowledgment too. He played his rap song about Gary. Gary said Michael lost to him in the championship so he has to suck his cock instead. He said that's the third time he's lost to him.
Howard played some Gary song parodies after that. Howard said he had a million phlegm songs so he played a bunch of those. Howard said it goes on and on. Howard said when Gary clears that voice in the morning it's unbelievable.
Howard played a Bill Cosby song parody that came out in 2015. That was a parody of ''99 Problems''. Howard said that Cosby was arrested and he had to do that perp walk. Howard said that was fucking awesome. Howard said they were wondering what he was doing day to day. He said all of a sudden they pressed charges and Cosby showed up with a walking stick. Howard said he gets out of the car in that Dr. Huxtable sweater. He spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said that he made a resolution not to masturbate this year. He said that lasted about 3 days. He said he beat off to his cell phone this time. Howard said he watched something on the phone and beat off to that. He said porn is so portable now. Howard said he remembers when he was like 14 that he was the only one who could watch porn because his dad had an 8mm projector. He said he'd set it up while they were out and he had no idea when they were coming back. He said it was such a project just to beat off. He said he remembers to this day when they had the typical woman in a house hanging out in a fur coat. He said the woman had a TV repairman come over to help and she puts on the fur coat to cover up. Howard said it's a silent film too. He said that the guy gets ripped off and threatens her but then she fucks him and all is forgiven.
Howard said that he used to have to get nudist magazines to jerk off to. Now he can watch porn on his phone. He said it's probably the greatest invention. Howard said he remembers the first nudist magazine he found. He said the women didn't shave so it looked like they had jiffy pop in their panties. Howard said that was some bush in there.
Howard said that's a retrospective of 2015. He said he could do more Wack Pack moments though. He played a clip of High Pitch Eric talking about jerking off to Donnie Wahlberg.
Howard said in 2015 they met Jeff the Drunk's Lump. He played a clip of The Lump from last year.
Howard said that Big Foot was also very strong in 2015. Howard said he fell in love with a transsexual who still had a cock. Howard said that he was ready to get married but it all fell apart. Howard played a clip from when Big Foot and Danielle came in. Howard said she talked about having an assgasm. Howard played some of that clip too. He played some of the two of them singing together too. Howard said that they broke up over a TV bill.
Howard said they had great moments from Mick the Nerd and Tan Mom last year too. Howard played a Mick the Nerd clip and a Sour Shoes clip where he was doing his Artie Lange impression while he was in the studio.
Howard said that was all so good. He said that he won't go through all of the Tan Mom moments. Robin said they have to do one or two. Howard said maybe he should take a break or talk to some people. Robin said they haven't talked to anyone. Howard said he has to take a break first. Howard said that was a little retrospective to get them ready for 2016. Howard said if you listen back it was filled with accomplishments. Howard said it was awesome.
Howard played a phony phone call as they went to break. Howard said he has an Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Jack and Rod Show bit to play. Howard played that and Sal and Richard had an author on with them and then they have phony Arnold sitting in with them. They had Arnold asking the guy questions about a prostitute he was with and giving him some advice on getting a butt fucking ugly one so no one will believe that you were with her. Arnold was giving the guy more advice and asking about his penis and making sounds like he was jerking off. Arnold was asking him to smack his cock against the phone but the guy refused. Then Arnold said he was cumming and the guy stayed on the line.
Howard said if Arnold asks you to smack your schnitzel on the phone you just do it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the Aerosmith song. He said Steven Tyler is so good. Howard said he was watching a John Lennon tribute. He said that they had Yoko in the audience. He said that Steven does Beatles songs really well. Howard said that they had one guy who was so good. He said he has to look up his name. Howard said Robin has probably heard of him. Howard said he's a black dude. Howard said his name is Aloe Blacc. Howard said that guy is a really good singer. He said he did ''Imagine.'' he said his version was great. Howard said he was like ''Wow!'' when he heard that guy sing. Howard said he's not sure if he has any other good music but he was really good. Howard said the other band that was good was The Roots. He said that he doesn't know much about them but they did ''Mother'' and it was great.
Howard said the guy from The Roots came on and said that he created a verse from the song. He said he wanted to tell him to shut up. He said he rapped it and then some guy came on and sang it and it was really good. He said he's not sure what that guy's name is. Fred played the rap part of that song that Howard was talking about. Howard said that guy finally shut up and then they did the song. Howard said they saved it when they started singing. Howard said this guy is really good. He didn't know his name though. He said he really likes him and he's sorry he doesn't know his name.
Howard said that he just played the best song of the night. He said that Aloe Blacc was great too. Howard said that it wasn't Imagine that he did. He did ''Watching the Wheels.'' Howard said this is how you're supposed to sing. He was talking to Robin. Robin told him to shut up. Fred played a drop of Robin singing.
Howard said that guy's real name is Egbert Nathaniel Dawkins III so he had to change his name.
Howard said that John is doing a show called Grandfathered. He said it got renewed too. Howard said that's an accomplishment. Howard said he plays a guy who finds out he has a grandchild that he didn't know about. Howard asked if he ever got anyone pregnant at all. John said he did early on. Howard asked if she got an abortion. John said he thinks she did. He said he doesn't have any kids that he knows of but if he did he thinks they'd be asking for money.
Howard asked how old he was when he knocked the girl up. John said he was in his late 20s. He said that this was bad timing. He said that it was her choice. Howard asked if he was pissed. John said he thinks it was a mutual decision. John said he has never talked about this at all. He said he thought he was going to get hit with the rehab thing.
Howard asked how being in rehab was. John said it was fine. Robin asked if he was drunk on that reality show he did in Australia. John said he was hammered. Howard asked if he gets nervous going to a rehab and has to come clean about his life. He said that someone could go to the press and reveal secrets. John said he trusted everyone. He said that they were anonymous. He said he doesn't have anything to hide anymore. John said he was sent down the wrong path after his dad died. He said he was close to his mom too and that was tough. He said that his mom loved Howard. Howard said that his mom was a swimsuit model. Howard asked if kids came over to stare at her. John said he wasn't aware of that if they did. He said his dad was a handsome man too. John said that he went out with his mom and Howard and Hugh Jackman once. Howard said that it was Hugh's wife too. Howard said they had a good time too. He said he thinks that sent John into the tailspin.
John said he will drink and carry on but then he stops. He said he can stop on a dime. Robin said she remembers him doing that. Howard said he was on Broadway doing a play and he said he wasn't drinking at all. He was able to stop. John said that's right. He said he'd go back and when he did that it would deteriorate his life. He said he lost his self discipline and stuff. He said he was going into a dark place and it was getting darker and darker. Howard said he's seen him in that dark place.
Howard said John can get dark at times. He said he turns introverted and pulls away from people. John said he feels even now. He said that it's good. he said he went into rehab asking for help. He said he had a horrific DUI that he's embarrassed by. He said he could have hurt someone. He said it was stupid and ignorant. He said he hated himself for doing that. He said he had to stop the up and down. John said he went into rehab and said he'd do whatever he had to do. He said he applied himself 100 percent to that. He said he had to be present all the time and do that.
John said he knew that he'd go back to drinking. He said he'd stop for months at a time and it was fine but then he'd go back. John said that he did a lot of therapy and you have to identify with why you're doing it. He said a piece of him was gone after his mom died. He said that he lost something with his dad but he and his mom needed each other. He said that was a big part of his purpose to be there for her. He lost his purpose. He said she never would have wanted that for him. He said he called a friend from rehab and talked to him about that. He said the friend said that his mom told him that she was worried about him. He said she knew he was drinking too much.
Howard asked if he was medicated at all. John said he wasn't. He said he is off of Ambien now. He said that stuff is super dangerous. Howard said he won't take it anymore. He said he was always nervous taking it. John said his memory was getting fucked up from it. He said that he wasn't able to remember names and faces. He said that was the hardest thing to kick.
Howard asked if it was tough to be around women at the rehab. John said that everyone was very special and he made good friends there. He said you don't fraternize there. He said that he didn't do that. John said one of his issues was women and he had to come to terms with that there. John said drinking would allow him to be around people he shouldn't be around.
Howard said he wanted to reach out to John because he knew he was fucked up at a party he saw him at. Howard said he thinks he didn't reach out. John said he actually did reach out. He said he didn't say he was worried about him. Howard said he never knows when something is going on with someone. He said it was like that with Artie. He said he wished he had called him and he had gone to rehab because of him. He said he really does care about John. John said that Howard has been really good on the show lately. He said that he has people asking about him all the time. Howard said he's Mr. Wonderful.
John asked if Howard is down to one day a week now that he's signed another contract. Howard joked that they are. Howard said it seems like John has had some kind of Epiphany of some type. John said that he doesn't want to be a poster boy for it but he feels great and even. He said that it's been six months now. He said he started the Fuller House thing and then grand fathered. Howard said that he wants to know more about Grandfathered. He said it's also awesome that he's the drummer in the Beach Boys. Howard said he has this other dimension to him. He said that's more impressive than anything. Howard said the Beach Boys are legendary. John said it's like Howard playing for the Beatles. He said he sort of weaseled his way into the band. He said Dennis Wilson died in 1983 or so and he sort of hung out with them and he played with them for the first time in 1985. He said they let him sit in to play one song at the time. Howard asked if it was a goof. John said sort of. He said that they always had two drummers so they were used to it. He said it all started out like that.
Howard asked why they allowed him on stage. John said he was a celebrity and the stage was very loose. He said it was a party atmosphere on stage then. He said one of the shows they did was at the Washington Monument and Jimmy Page was playing guitar with them. He said they went up to visit Jimmy in his hotel room to teach him the keys they do the songs in. He said that he was just 20 at the time and Jimmy said that he can't solo in E flat. He said he got yelled at over that.
John said that he can understand why people would be upset with him playing with the band. He said in his heart he feels that he did introduce this music to a younger generation. He said he just wanted to spread the music to young kids. He said that kids were hearing this music. He said he toured a lot with them too. He said he did 50 shows a year with them at times. John said that you really feel like a rock start playing up there but then you go up to your hotel room and feel like a dufus.
Howard asked about the Grandfathered show and how that could have happened to him. John said he doesn't have kids so it would be a different life if he had. Howard asked if the chick was famous that he knocked up. John said no. Howard said maybe it would have been nice if he had kept the kid. John said that it might be nice. Robin said things would be alright now because the kid would be grown up.
Howard said that John doesn't stay in touch so much anymore. Howard asked if that's because he's married and John isn't. John said that's not it. He said that he always loved being in a relationship but he's not in one now. Howard said he's still looking for someone. John said that there is a theory that maybe he met the right one and he was too fuzzy to realize it.
Howard said that he watched the pilot for Grandfathered and it's on FOX on Tuesday nights. Howard said he has questions about the Fuller House thing too. Howard asked about his career and how it started on a soap opera. He was on General Hospital and went right into that at 18. John said he went to school and he wasn't able to find the classrooms or anything. He said that he may have been sheltered too much by his mom. John said he always wanted to be an actor. He said that he just went in and did it. He said he blasted through it. He said he didn't know how popular the show was at the time. Howard said those roles aren't easy. John said he had 30 pages of dialog a day. Howard said that must be tough at that age. John said he was young and he was able to get though it.
John said he played Blackie on that show and he was supposed to die after 10 episodes. He said that his mom was writing to them asking them to keep him on.
John said that he remembers walking in and seeing boxes of fan mail. He said one day he went and looked at it and they all had his name on it. He said he thought it was all for Rick Springfield. He said things changed in an instant for him.
John said kids hated him in school. He said he thinks he was arrogant. Howard said he heard a story about him working with Ken Shriner and they'd go to Chipendales so when the women came walking out they'd be there and they'd get laid. John said that they were all gooey over the guys and they were the only men around so they would get laid. John said that he was only 18 at the time so there was a lot going on. He said that General Hospital was really popular too. He said Demi Moore was on the show too. He said he met her there. He said Sammy Davis Jr. came on the show too. He said Elizabeth Taylor came on too.
Howard said that John went on a date with Amy Poehler after her divorce and nothing happened because Amy didn't believe that he was into her. John said they made a lot of plans that they never did anything about. Howard said that he was interested in her though. John said he was. He said she was super funny and cute. Howard said that there must be a lot of women who think that way about him. Howard said it's about how good looking he is and they think he could have any woman he wants. John said he has terrible game. He said he thinks he's going to be turned down all the time. He said he has been turned down too. Howard said he's shocked. John said it's not a lot but it does happen.
Howard said that Full House was good for John. He said he worked his way out of everyone calling him Uncle Jesse. John said he called Jack Klugman who told him to go to the theater after that. He said he did that and went to E.R. for a while and that got him out of all of that. Howard asked why he's going back to Full House after all of that. John said he's embracing it now. He said he can do that. John said that people wanted them to do a reunion so they're doing it. Now he doesn't have to answer that question anymore. He said they talked about what to do with the show. He said he went out and sold it. He said Warner Brothers wasn't able to sell it. He said they marched it around for a year and a half and then Netflix came around. He said they bought it. Howard said that they can target the right audience and they don't have to be on network TV. John said the anticipation is insane for the show.
Howard asked if he's upset with the Olsen Twins for not doing it. John said he did go to them. He said that they said at first that he didn't ask them. He said he was told they were asked. John said he said that he did ask but he didn't ask himself. He said he called and talked to Mary-Kate and told her what they were doing. He said they decided not to do it and he respects that. Howard said they have made so much money from that show. He said they became billionaires from the merchandise and marketing. Howard asked if that's why they won't do it. John said they seemed into it but they haven't acted since then. He said that they don't consider themselves actors. He said it's not about the money. Howard asked if they're reclusive. John said they're obsessed with Howard. Howard said that he always says that. Howard said he did want to introduce them to him. John said he has to reach out more to them and have them in there. Howard said they can get conjoined twins to do the show instead of them.
Howard said that they'll have John, Bob Saget, Dave Coullier, Jodi Sweeten and others from the show on this Fuller House. John said they did 13 episodes and they all do a few episodes. Howard said that the kids grow up to be a mess and that can be a problem. John said that Jodi and Andrea hadn't acted for years but they were great. He said the show comes out in February 26.
Howard asked John what he's watching on TV. John said he liked ''Making a Murderer''. Robin has no idea what it's about. Howard said he's heard good things about that.
Howard said John did something fun. Howard asked Gary if they're ready with that. Gary said he needs 30 seconds. Howard said it's good to see John there. John said that it's good to be there. Robin said it's been so long. Howard asked if he has to talk to people about talking about rehab. John said he has PR people that he has to talk to. He said they step you through everything.
Gary told Howard they have the thing ready. Howard said he has to set this up. Howard said John can be a lot of fun. Howard said this proves it. Howard said when John got there High Pitch Eric was there in the green room. Howard said John went in and told Eric that a couple of years ago he fucked Beth. He said that Eric isn't hearing this right now. John said Eric thinks that Howard is his best friend too. Howard said John was bragging about it to Eric. Howard said he's going to play this now and they'll have Eric in to see if he cracks. John said he was playing it like ''Should I come clean?'' and things like that. Howard asked if anyone thought John was the one with AIDS when the rumor was going around a couple of months back. John said no. Howard said no one thought it was him either.
John said he loves being at FOX doing Grandfathered. Howard said that's good to hear. Howard said he knew something was up with John when he saw him hanging out with the young dude from that show he's on. John said he plays his son on the show. Howard said he knows but he thought something was up.
Howard played the clip of John talking to Eric in the green room about the banging Beth thing. In the clip John asked Eric if he should tell this story. He tells Eric that they were in his apartment and he was in the bath tub with Beth and he went through with it and she gave him a blow job in his bathtub. He said this is a secret so don't bring it up. Eric said he's Howard's best friend so he should go in there and tell Howard. Eric asked if he wanted him to come in so he's not scared. John told him not to tell Howard. Eric told John to tell Howard on the air. John asked Eric not to say anything if he doesn't say anything. Eric agreed.
Howard said Eric is going to come in and they have to figure out how to do this. Gary came in and told Howard that he sent Jason in to find out what was going on. He said Jason said that Eric is already cracking and saying he has something to tell. Howard said that when Eric comes in John has to tell him that he has something that he wants to tell him something. Robin said that they should be talking about secrets and if they should reveal them or not. Robin said then Eric will hear that and he'll know he has something to say to Howard. Robin asked if that's too complicated. Howard said it is for him.
John said he asked Eric why he didn't masturbate to him and things like that. Benjy had an idea for what they should do. Robin said Benjy has earned his pay finally. Howard said he'll bring it up somehow when he comes in. He said that Eric should be jerking off to John and not Donnie. He said John is better looking than Donnie. John asked how he's supposed to answer that.
Howard asked John about taking video and pictures with the girls he's with. John said he does that. He said it's usually the girls who want to do it though.
Howard had Eric come in. He said it looks like before and after. He said it's like Goofus and Gallant. John said he didn't know that Eric was gay when he heard that story about him jerking off to Stamos. Howard asked who's more handsome, John or Donnie. Eric said that John looks good with long hair. John asked if he is homosexual. Eric said he's not homosexual. Howard said he is gay though. He said he jerks off to guys. Eric said he's not gay in real life. Eric said he has to get comfortable. He sat down on the couch. Howard said he's going to break that couch.
Howard said Jason has something to say. Jason came in and said that Eric told him something in the green room about something John wanted to talk to Howard about. Eric said that John told him something that he should tell Howard. John told Eric not to say anything. Eric said John is scared to say something. Howard asked Eric who his friend is. He asked what John said. Eric said he's very scared to say something. John said he'll kill him if he says something. Howard asked if he told Eric something. John said he just talked to him about jerking off and Donnie Wahlberg. Howard asked Eric why he's lying. Eric said he's not lying. John said he'll kill Eric. Eric said he's Howard's guy. Howard asked what he said. Eric said that he confided in him but he has to say something. He said he needs Howard to still be his friend. John asked Eric not to do with him. He said that it's a 25 year friendship he's had with Howard and Beth.
Eric said he has to tell him on the air. Howard asked what he said to him. Eric told Howard that John was at his apartment. John told him not to fuck him. Eric told Howard he was at his apartment with his ex-wife. Howard said he knows that. John said he's leaving. Eric asked him to get security. Eric said John was at the apartment with is ex-wife and he was in the tub with Beth. Howard said he remembers. Eric said John told him that Beth was making moves on him in the tub. He said that her hand moved up his leg but that was it. Howard asked if anything else happened. Eric said that's it. He swore to god that was it. John patted Eric like he was happy he told that version of the story. Howard asked what he did to his wife. Howard asked if he got a blow job. Eric said that he didn't say anything about a blow job. Howard said he'll give a Flat Ronnie to Joey if he tells the truth. Eric said there was no blow job. John thanked Eric. Howard asked why he's thanking him. Eric said that's the whole story. Howard said he bets there's more to it. Howard told him to swear on the life of his mother that he told the whole story. Eric did that.
Howard said he has to tell Eric that there was a blow job involved and he knows the story because they taped it. Howard said that he stood up for John and didn't tell the truth. Howard said he can't believe it. Howard said he doesn't think Eric followed the story. Robin asked what John told him. Eric said that's the story he told.
Howard said he told him that Beth blew him. Eric said he forgot that part. Howard said in other words he wasn't protecting John, he just forgot. Eric said that's right. Howard said he's a pisser. Howard said he was terrific at that. Eric said that's why he's mentally disabled.
John asked if that's going to ruin their relationship. Eric said he's mentally challenged. It seemed like he still wasn't aware of what was going on. Howard said he did such a great job that Eric didn't remember what he did. Howard told Eric to listen to himself. He played the clip of the recording they did in the green room again. Howard said Eric really is dull not remembering that. Eric said he doesn't know how he missed that.
Howard said John did everything right and Eric still fucked it up. Howard said that John told him that he got a blow job and Eric missed it. Eric said he would never be a good detective. John said they wasted their time doing the whole set up. Howard said Eric can't remember anything.
John asked Eric about jerking off to Donnie and how he does that. Eric said he has a Donnie poster on his ceiling and he beats off to the show on Friday nights. Howard asked if John wanted to say something. John said no.
John asked Eric what part he would want to play in his show. Eric said he doesn't know. He asked what John would want him to do. John said he could play a mentally challenged guy. John said maybe he can play another son he had that he doesn't know about. He played out the scene with him. Eric said ''Hi, I'm your son!'' John did a little scene with him saying that there's no way he's his son. Howard said he could play his daughter instead.
Howard said everything is good with John and he's happy about that. Howard said they'll be enjoying John on Fuller House in February too. He said the show is all done and that will be coming soon. Howard thanked Eric for ruining the bit today. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played Green Day's ''Time Of Your Life'' as they were going to break.
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Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's a big fan of John's and his show. She said that it's a great show. Mariann said she's trying to pace herself for the new year. She said she feels bad for John about his mom dying. She said that Eric was great on the show today too. Howard hung up on her. She was recapping the whole show so Howard let her go.
Howard said they're going to be there another 5 years and he's very excited about that. Howard said the media handled it very well for the most part. Howard said there were some assholes about it though. Howard said that most of them are big bores. He said that Kennedy over on FOX Business was good. He said Steve Lacey was good too. He said there were other shows that talked about the new contract too. Howard said JD pulled a few for him. He said he can't play them all. Howard said there was one guy in Washington DC who was nice. Howard said he wants to mention some of them for being nice to him. Howard said that WFTC mentioned him in a nice way too. He said that they weren't sarcastic or assholes about it.
Howard said he got smacked in the head for something he didn't do. He said the CBS morning show was talking about him and they made an announcement about him being the king of all interviewers but he's never called himself that. Howard said they argued about that on the show and it was the woman on the show who called him that. Howard played a clip of the woman saying that. Then the guy says ''so he says'' and Howard said he has never said that. Howard said that then they start bashing him. Howard said he never said that. Howard said other people say it, not him. Howard said that Charlie Rose can be the king of all interviewers.
Howard said that his new favorite employee is Will. He said he's the only one who wrote him a thank you note for the holiday party. Howard said Will wrote a whole big note. Robin said that's great. Will came in and said he's shocked that no one else wrote one. Howard said Will is a class guy. Howard said he spent most of his day yesterday writing notes to people. Howard said he got Robin's gift and wrote her a note that she should get by the end of the week. Robin said that she was wondering if he got it. Howard said he did and he thanked her. Howard said she got him a lovely wallet. Howard said he doesn't use one like that but it was a lovely thought. Robin said she searched and searched. Howard said when he regifts it someone will be very appreciative. Howard said he has a very cheap wallet with a pad and pen attached to it. Howard said he got it from Getting Things Done which he's apparently a cult leader in according to Richard Johnson. Howard said it's just a book. Howard said he loves his wallet. Howard said he didn't know Robin was buying him a wallet. He said that's the last thing he thought she'd get him. Howard said the wallet is really nice. Howard said he's not berating Robin. He said Fred got him a great gift too. He said that it's a pen and it writes really nicely. Fred said that's what he was looking for. Howard said the wallet is awesome too but he can't give up the pad.
Howard said Beth loved her gift from Robin. Howard said he wanted to start writing thank you notes to people over email but Beth told him he can't do that.
Robin said she was giving the Yoda book out as gifts and she was there when a group of kids opened it and they were squealing about it. Robin said that this woman teaches special needs kids and she had read the original book to the kids and they loved it. Robin said she was so excited that they had the new one to read. Fred played some clips of Wendy the Slow Adult yelling about her power and had her having a conversation with Howard about that.
Howard said that he really appreciates the wallet. Robin said she got him a portfolio too. Howard said he didn't know that was from her. Howard said that it had no card. Howard said it somehow separated from the other gift. Howard said he called people to find out who gave it to him and no one knew. Howard said he thought it was from Jason. He said he was writing him a thank you note for it. Howard said no one knew who it was from. Howard said the portfolio was a hit. He said maybe he'll give that wallet away on the air. He said he's actually going to keep it.
Howard said that he has to thank Robin for all of that. He said he has it in his drawer and he can't give up the pad he has in his other wallet. Howard said he can't give up Robin's either though.
Robin said she wanted to start off with who died in 2015. Howard said he loves that. He said Time magazine did that and he loves reading that stuff. He said they go through people who died and he didn't even know some of them had died. Robin read a few of the names of people who died. Robin said that Natalie Cole died. Howard said she died on the 31st. Robin said she had her last Christmas with her family and died from complications of a bunch of diseases. Robin had Howard play some of her music. Robin said she was only 65 years old.
Robin said that Wayne Rogers died too. Howard said Lemmy died too. Howard said that he used to watch Wayne on the financial shows on FOX News. He said that he used to be on MASH and he left the show over a contract dispute. Howard said he became a financial guy after that. Howard said every Sunday morning he'd be on. He said he wasn't on this weekend and he didn't see them talking about him at all. He said he was 82 but he seemed really spry. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he can't believe High Pitch Eric couldn't get that story right earlier. Robin read about Eric the Actor dying this year. Robin said that Johnny Fratto too. Robin said that they also lost Sam Simon. Gary corrected Robin and said that Eric died in 2014. Howard said that she got that wrong. Robin said she thought that they died close together. Howard said she's a news woman who should check her sources. Robin said she thought it was this year.
Robin went through other names of people who died in 2015 like Leonard Nimoy, Gary Owens, Lemmy from Motorhead, Scott Weiland, Chris Squire, Ben E King, Leslie Gore, Fred Thompson, Julian Bond, Al Molinaro, Mario Cuomo, Joe Franklin, Meadowlark Lemon, Yogi Berra, Bobbi Christina Brown, B.B. King, Maureen O'Hara, Jack Larson, Martin Milner, Yvonne Craig, Donna Douglas, Alex Rocco, Amanda Peterson, Patrick McNee, Ann Mira and others. Howard said that Gary is sounding more and more like Sour Shoes to him. He said he thinks he could fool him.
Howard said that he has a Sour Shoes clip to play. Howard said that his impression is so good. Howard said he spent most of New Year's Eve talking about him with Jimmy and Molly. Howard played a clip of Sour leaving a message about how he wishes that it was the Hateful ''Noine'' instead of the Hateful Eight. Howard said Gary thinks Sour is obsessed with saying ''noine'' and he is. Howard said of course he is. Howard played another clip of sour singing a song with just ''noine'' as the lyrics. Howard said he could listen to that all day long. Howard said the whole impression is now down to him just saying ''Noine.'' Howard said it's that and clearing the throat. He said in 2016 they should do the clearing of the throat every day. He played another song parody about Gary after that.
Robin read more names from that list. She had Cynthia Lennon on the list so she and Howard spent a minute talking about her. Robin said that Christopher Lee also died in 2015. Howard said he has more from the NY Times. Howard went through some of those names too. Howard said Jim Bailey died. Howard said there was a comedian named Harris Wittels who died. He said that Aziz Ansari wrote an article about that guy. Howard said there was an ESPN guy who died. He said he was Stewart Scott. Robin said she did a story about him when he died. Howard said Rowdy Roddy Piper died too. Howard said he was his favorite. He said that he was a great villain. Howard tried to find more names. He said that this guy was Glen Ford who spent 3 decades in solitary confinement for a crime he didn't commit. Howard said he got out and died. Howard said he got all broken up about that. Howard said that there was a picture from 9/11 of a woman who was covered in dust and she died. Howard said her name was Marcy Borders. Howard said her life took a downward spiral last year. Howard said George Barris also died. He designed the 1960s Batmobile. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about McDonald's making more changes. Robin said they've been in a panic over the last couple of years. Robin said they just announced the all day breakfast thing that's in effect. Robin said now they have another thing going on. Howard said he hopes they go out of business. He said they used to chancel their advertising when they found out he was on a station. Howard said he'd get all incensed about them pulling ads. Howard said he used to whine like a bitch about it. Howard said he eventually accepted it. Howard said then all of the other fast food restaurants followed suit. Howard said that he was like ''fuck you'' because they're the worst with their shit food they feed to people. Robin read about the McPick2 deal they have going on. Howard gave them a ''McFuckYourself'' when he heard about that. Howard said they'll be in business as long as JD keeps going to them. Howard asked JD about what he's been eating lately. JD told him about going to Cafe Metro a lot. He said he gets a lot of sandwiches and chips. Howard said JD will get rice and Macaroni and cheese. JD said he gets carrots with his rice too. Howard said he holds his fork like a caveman too. Howard said he holds it with his fist. He said if they had TV he could show it to everyone. Howard asked JD if he holds his fork like that when he goes out with his girlfriend's parents. JD said he tries not to do stuff like that. Howard said JD eats Mac and Cheese and rice and sometimes salmon. He said he'll have potatoes, rice and noodles at the same time. Howard said he holds that fork like a caveman though. He said he has a TV tray that he eats off of. JD said it's an American Idol tray that they sent over.
Robin read a story about Simon Cowell who is taking over for Howard on America's Got Talent. Robin said she can't stand to look at Simon now that she knows what he did to try to get Howard out of there. Howard said that he saw him being interviewed on a show and he was saying that he wanted to see more singers. Howard said that's what they were trying to get. Howard said Simon said he had to sit down with the other judges to find out if they wanted to return. Howard said that's bullshit and you know they want to come back. Howard said what he's really saying is that he's interviewing everyone else in Hollywood and if they say no then he'll ask them to come back.
Howard took a call from Ralph who told Howard about some of the other cars that George Barris designed. He also told Howard about how long it took to get his all day breakfast from McDonald's. He said it took like a half hour. He also told Howard about the show Billions that's on Showtime. He said the first episode is available and it's great. Howard said he should watch that SyFy show he mentioned earlier in the show. Ralph said he heard that.
Howard asked if he heard his buddy Stamos on. Ralph said he heard some of that. He said that Stamos is a tortured guy. He said he is a family guy but he's being torn apart by all of the other stuff he can have. Howard said the guy gets so much pussy now. He said that Ralph can back him up on that. He said his place is always packed with models. Ralph said he remembers when he got divorced he got a place in Malibu and he had a different model or several whenever he went out there. Ralph said it was great. Howard let him go after that.
Robin said she saw Paris Hilton in a commercial with Vern Troyer over in London. Howard asked what it was for. Robin said she doesn't know but it may have been a gambling site. JD said it's BTO Casino. Howard said good for her and him. Robin said she saw Jaleel White doing something over there too. Robin said he has a gig over there doing a children's show over there. Howard said that they should fit him in on Fuller House. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a rabbi who apologized for saying that less than 1 million Jews died in the holocaust. Howard said that guy spoke about him too. Howard said he read the article and his theory is that most Jews aren't full Jew like Howard Stern whose mother is Italian. Howard said that's what the guy said. Robin said he had to apologize for what he said about the holocaust. Howard said he's still waiting for his apology.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump who was talking about ISIS. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some Hillary Clinton news she read through too. Robin had some audio clips to play there too.
Robin read a story about CES which is happening in Las Vegas this week. That led to Howard goofing on Gary for thinking he's a tech expert. Robin read about some of the things that are supposed to be hot out there this year. Howard said Nick Cannon sent him a bunch of drones from Radio Shack. Howard said he won't fly them though.
Robin read a story about what's going on in the middle east and Howard said he might sound ignorant or naive about what's going on over there. He said he barely knows about math never mind that stuff.
Robin read a story about President Obama announcing what he wants to do about gun control. Robin said that he's announcing it this week on Thursday. Robin said a lot of people are calling it unconstitutional because he's using an executive order.
Robin read about Chris Brown being accused of assault by a woman. Robin had Howard play some of his music. Robin read about what's going on with this woman who accused Brown of punching her. Robin said Brown is filing a defamation lawsuit against the woman.
Robin read a story about Scott Disick who has a child with one of the Kardashians. Howard and Robin spent some time talking about Kendall Jenner and how hot she is. JD isn't thrilled about her and how she makes money for doing nothing. Howard said she is a model though. JD said that family has had it ''a lot more easier'' than others. Howard got a laugh out of that comment. Robin read more about Disick and how he said if he didn't have his kids he would have killed himself.
Robin said The Bachelor is coming back. She said she thinks it's tonight.
Robin said Star Wars is well on its way to be the biggest box office income ever. Robin said it's grossed over $740 million in the United States. Howard said that's great for the country. It's creating jobs. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Jon said one thing that happened at the end of the show bothered him a little bit. Jon said Howard was thanking people and he thanked Will for sending him a thank you for the holiday party. He said that they all realized they made the mistake of emailing Howard instead of hand writing a letter. He asked if an email thank you doesn't suffice. He said that you wonder if it's a mistake doing that. Jon said he would like to put up a poll asking if it's okay to email a thank you. He told Rahsaan to get on that.
Jon said he didn't think twice about that whole thing. He said he and Gary emailed Howard and Howard emailed them back. He said Howard is the boss though. Rahsaan asked if not thanking him at all is wrong. Jon said you have to send some kind of thank you. He said if everyone sent a hand written letter then he wonders what would happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the more proper way is to do a hand written letter. He said Howard is thirsty for that stuff. He said he calls it out but doesn't say anything about the email thank yous. Jon said he did send one but in Howard's eyes he did the bare minimum. Jon said maybe he should know better. Jon said he hand writes a card to everyone there during the holidays. He said he didn't get hand written cards from everyone there. He said he might be wrong there about the email thing now that he's thinking it through.
The caller said that he didn't drive for two weeks while they weren't there. Jon thanked him for that but questioned it at the same time.
Gary came in so he and Jon talked about the thank you thing. Gary said that he emailed Howard about the party and for the next 5 years. He said it's very tricky with Howard. Jon said he wished Howard a good year and all of that. Gary said he has sent Howard hand written notes about things but not for this. Jon said he has said that he does appreciate the hand written stuff. Gary said that he's not sure when to do that though. He said he didn't want to be bothered about the new contract thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks they're both way off. He said that Howard is on the record about hand writing notes. He said that it's a very important thing to Howard. He said he thinks that they're not paying attention. Gary said that they're aware of that but they're not sure if they should bother him with it. The caller said they're making a big mistake. Gary said they all know it now. He said in hindsight it's a big mistake. They spent a little time arguing with the caller. Gary said his head was smoking from that call.
Jon said they have a poll up now about the note thing. They went to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric was lying through his teeth and he knew what John told him. He said there's no way he's that dumb. Gary said he thinks that he really didn't remember. He said he had that look on his face like he really didn't know. the caller said he thinks that Eric was just covering for John. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said if he thought he was right he would jump on the bandwagon. He said he wonders if Eric even knows if he's telling the truth or not. He said there was a lot of confusion during that whole thing. Gary said that he's not sure he could convince a jury if Eric knows between right and wrong. Jon said he thinks it would be a tough sell.
Gary said Eric went into that room with Stamos and he had to edit that tape down. He said that he took out the part about Beth putting her hand on his knee. He said he had no idea that's what Eric would focus on. Jon said that was everything to Eric. He said he never got to the rest of the stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is going to hear this and they'll be in so much trouble. He said that you don't send an email to someone about someone dying. Gary said of course not. Gary said what he's saying doesn't make sense. The caller said that Howard is going to rag on them tomorrow about this. Gary said he ragged on them today. The caller asked if they have to send thank you cards to Howard for everything. Gary said this is perfect. He asked how you know what to send for and what not to send for. The caller said you don't. Jon said that Howard says he doesn't want to be bothered with some stuff so you don't send him a note. He said an earlier caller said that when your wife says she doesn't want anything for valentine's day you know you have to get something. He said it's kind of like that with Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they might have to pick and choose who sends a hand written thank you note to Howard or an email. He said they might have to pick a few so it doesn't overwhelm Howard. The caller said that you have to thank him personally if Howard is taking care of something. He said it's not black and white with Howard.
Jon said he's just as confused now as he was when he came in there. Gary said whatever Howard says is correct. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks it's possible that someone could come up to Howard and just say thanks. Gary said that's the last thing in the top five ideas of how to thank him. He said then you're bothering him. The caller said he's been listening for years and it seems like he hyper analyzes everything. Gary said that's the Howard Stern Show. He said he hyper focuses. Jon said you never know where he's going to go.
Jon said he wants to talk about Howard doing the countdown with Jimmy Kimmel and Billy Joel. He said there is a part of him that really enjoys that stuff. He said that he seems conflicted. Jon said he has to make the best of it. Gary said he has to make an analogy about this. He said he love skiing and he would be so psyched about going if he didn't have to drive 4 hours to get there. Gary said Howard hates to wait and he thinks that's part of the problem. He said if he just woke up there then he might be okay.
Jon asked Gary how his vacation was. Gary told Jon a little bit about that. They spent some time talking about their vacations.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a suggestion about the thank you note. He said that maybe each department can buy a note and everyone signs it. Gary said that he thinks that's the worst idea. He said that's so selfish and Howard would hate that idea. Jon said it's fewer cards but Howard would think it's not personal at all.
Jon asked Rahsaan about the poll results. Rahsaan said that 65 percent said that they were right for sending an email. Rahsaan said he never thinks to send out a card for anything. Gary asked if he sent an email. Rahsaan said he didn't. He didn't feel wrong for not sending anything. Jon said he's cold. Rahsaan said he never even thought about sending something. Jon wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 12:15pm.
Howard started the show talking about Steve Harvey and how he screwed up the Miss Universe pageant. Howard said he should do jail time for that. Howard said it was a good pageant. He said they just listened to it and it was good. He said he'll play some of it at some point during the show. Howard said they have to start cracking down on these hosts. He said he's calling for a strict enforcement. Howard said he says sentence him to a ''penile colony'' on Neptune.
Howard did a WCCC talk up and then talked about how they had a slogan that was ''kick ass rock and roll'' and they got a lot of complaints so they had to change it. Howard said they had a guy named Adam Smasher there and someone stole his name and it spawned even more. Howard said it's like Johnny Dark over at WNBC. He said it was such a great name that no one was able to come up with something new. Howard said he almost changed his name to Adam Bomb. He said Robin talked him out of it.
Howard did a WWWW talk up next. He said that's what the call letters were in Detroit. He said the program directors told him he said it wrong all the time. Howard said they had a winning slogan there. Howard wondered if guys in radio are still giving themselves weird names. Robin mentioned one who they watched doing his talk ups. Howard didn't remember the name. Howard said Fred Norris actually changed his name. It's not Fred Norris anymore.
Gary said that guy they watched was Broadway Bill Lee. Howard said that guy was impressive. Howard said here are like 15 Hollywood Harrisons. He said he's friends with a Human Newman. Howard said he thinks he's met him but he's not sure he could tell who he is. Howard said he's friends with Shadoe Stevens too. Robin said there's Spyder Harrison too.
Howard said he saw that Imus is selling his apartment there in the city. He said he found out he does his show from Texas and he had no idea. He said that apartment is listed for 20 mill. Howard said Hank Azaria lives in the building. Howard said Imus has ranches everywhere apparently. He said he lives there because his son rides horses or bulls or something. Howard said that's why he had to move. Howard read about the apartment and some of the features it has. He said it has a ''working fireplace'' which is something that they have to list. He said that it's not a faux fireplace.
Howard said he saw something in the paper this morning that was interesting. He said it's so great being a photographer. Howard said Jennifer Lawrence is gorgeous and there's a big picture of her in her bra and panties. Howard said she's standing against the wall with her grandma panties in a bra. Howard said it's just because she was photographed for some magazine. Howard said as soon as you're a photographer women will take their clothes off for you. Howard said that when they learned what a gynecologist was they talked about how great that job would be. Howard said he has a friend who actually became one. Howard said they were completely blown away by that job. Howard said that he had a friend in high school who became one. Howard said he ran into him years later and he told him that the vaginas he's seeing aren't the vaginas you want to see.
Howard said getting Jennifer Lawrence in her 20s in bra and panties is great. He said she's just standing there. Howard said half the photographers fuck the girls because they make them feel beautiful.
Robin said it's like actresses who said they'll get nude if it's necessary. Howard said it's never necessary. Howard said that Sharon Stone is one who did that with no panties. Howard said she still looks pretty good. Howard said she's so affected though. He said that he loves that she's aging. Howard said he was always ugly but now she's joining the club. Robin said she remembers the day people thought Farrah Fawcett lost her mind but it was just her losing her looks and everyone was hearing her for the first time.
Howard said Jennifer Lawrence has underwear on but it's covering her belly button. Howard said she might wear that because maybe she has a paunch. Howard said you shouldn't have to wear panties that high. Robin said not at that age. Howard said she might be a little milky. He said she could tighten up. Howard said he can evaluate if she's putting it out there. Howard said she's in bra and panties in the newspaper so he can tell her to tone up. Howard said he was a god when he was in his 20s. He said he was ripped. Fred said he had a swimmer's body. Howard said that was the first time Fred blew him. He said he couldn't get over it.
Howard said that Samuel L. Jackson is coming in today. He said he's a really good actor. He said he's a nice guy and he was in the shitty Star Wars. He said he wanted to be in this one. He said he's in The Hateful Eight. Howard said he's anxious to say hi to him. He said he has a lot of thoughts.
Howard said the fire alarm is going off again. He said that it shines a light in the studio. Howard said that they do practice fire alarms sometimes and it disturbs him in his office when he sleeps. Howard said that they have to just stop it for that half hour he's in there.
Robin read about another Imus ranch that he sold for like $32 million. Robin asked how he can have that kind of money. Howard said he made a fortune on shitty bits. Howard said at least he took some risks himself. He said Imus was having worms eat high schools in his bits. Robin said that Imus had that collapsed lung so he thinks he can breathe better in Texas. Howard wondered when he evolved into a cowboy. Robin said when they knew him he wore jump suits like a pilot. Fred said he used to try to look like he was on Miami Vice. Howard said he came back from ''Nappy Headed Hoes'' and he's still going strong. Howard said he got the blessing from Al Sharpton. Robin said that is funny that he hired that girl to work with him for a while.
Howard said if he was Dexter Manley he'd just claim that he has 50 concussions from the NFL. Fred said he had a brain surgery in 2005 so he could blame it on that.
Howard said he has a good tape of this guy Sal Palantonio was trying to speak and he wasn't able to get a word out. He had a problem with his voice and he wasn't able to clear it. Howard played that clip and the guy wasn't able to speak at all. Howard said he would have kept that guy on for hours.
Howard said he digs Snoop Dogg. Howard said he's so pissed off about football and the Eagles. Howard said he needed some points for his fantasy football thing and he got pissed at them. Howard said he sounds like he wants to kill someone. He said it's unlike Michael Rapaport who doesn't seem that angry. Howard played a clip of Snoop talking about how bad the Eagles are and how their coach is a sorry ass mother fucker.
Howard said he had a bunch of material for the holidays. He said he wants to wrap it up to get it out of the way. Howard said that there's this thing called Santa-con where everyone dresses up like Santa. Gary told Howard the city hates it. He said that everyone goes on a bar crawl as Santa and they end up getting drunk and get into fights. Robin said it could be a problem if you have your kids and they see that. Howard asked who went out and did the interviews. Gary said it was Steve Nowicki who works there. Howard said Steve went out and interviewed some of the Santas.
Howard played some of the interviews Steve did with the drunken Santas. They were asked about Christmas and Hanukkah. Howard said that one of the guys was saying that Jewish girls give the best head. Howard said he thought it was the opposite with Jewish girls based on what he's heard before.
Howard said Richard loves Santa-Con because he loves to drink. Howard asked if he dresses up. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard said he loves him but he's a weirdo. Richard came in and said he dresses up like Santa. He said they started in Brooklyn this year. Howard said he wants to skip Christmas next year. He said Richard is such an alcoholic at this point. He said he won't stop drinking. Richard said he won't. Howard asked where he got his Santa outfit. Richard said he got it online.
Howard played more interviews with the drunken Santas. One guy was going off on ISIS and things like that. Howard said he loves that he's in a Santa outfit drinking. Richard said whenever anyone sees a microphone they have to give their opinions.
Howard said they took a photograph of Jon Hein and posted it online. He said they put him in a Santa outfit and said that he's the new gender neutral ''Pat Kringle.'' Howard said they asked people what they think. Howard played some audio clips of people commenting on the photo. Most people didn't like it and one guy said he was the ugliest guy he's ever seen. Howard said people get so pissed off at that stuff. Howard said Christians think Christmas is being taken away from them even though most of the country is Christian. Howard said that Mike Huckabee is complaining that he can't even say Merry Christmas. Howard said he's not sure who is trying to stop him. Robin said people brag that they actually say Merry Christmas. Richard said he said happy holidays to some people this season and people got angry.
Howard said they once put a picture of Jon Hein on a lesbian site as Jan Hein and he got a ton of responses from women. Howard said he was pulling a lot of good looking chicks from that.
Howard said that people are upset that this Pat Kringle is taking away Christmas. Howard played some more interview clips with people who were upset about that. One guy blamed Obama for everything that's going wrong. Robin said people look to blame someone for everything that goes wrong.
Howard played a clip of someone blaming Obama for Charlie Sheen getting HIV. That was a guy down in Kentucky. That guy complained about what would happen if they had a black Santa or a gay Santa. Howard said it's an imaginary character to begin with and he's upset about it.
Howard said he has some clips of some lesbians talking about Jan Hein. Howard played that clip and women were saying that she looks like an older dyke. One woman said that she looks like she's had a lot of pussy in her life. Howard said not one of them thought it was a man.
Howard said he should take a break. He said that he should check in with Richard's dad first. Howard played a message Richard's dad left about how they found a chicken that they brought home to raise. He said it's pretty tame and it's following him around and everything. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he'll go and kill everything but then he keeps a chicken as a pet. Richard sad they have a rooster that's awesome. He said it's a tiny rooster but he thinks he's really tough. Howard said that if aliens ever show up and make us into food he's going to try to be one of those cute pets that they can't kill. Richard said he has to make sure he goes in the litter box every time. Howard said that he will suck right up to the aliens. Howard said he'll tell them where the resistance is and all of that. Robin said he's that guy. Howard said that's right and you might as well know it up front.
Howard said that Richard had a pet cow growing up but they butchered that. Richard said they knew that's what was going to happen. Howard said he was forced to eat it. Richard said he wasn't forced to eat it. He said he ate it on his own. He said that was Calfie. He said they had meat for the next couple of months. Howard said that is fucked up. Richard said it was expensive to feed the cow. He said they'd be starving if they didn't do that. Howard asked how old it was. Richard said they had it like a year or so. Richard said he took Calfie's eyes to the science fair at school. Robin said that's pretty gruesome. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he turned to Benjy and he was drinking. He said he sometimes forgets that he's human. Howard said he's drinking some kind of concoction juice. Fred said it's V8 juice. He said it was some kind of viscous fluid. Benjy said it's a popular juice. Howard said it's a huge bottle of the stuff. He said that it's like what you'd buy for a family of 6. Howard asked if that's his breakfast. Benjy said he just had it with him. He just brought it with him to work. Robin asked if he thinks that's going to make his cold feel better. Howard said that's just what he needs in there. Benjy with a cold. Benjy said he's not contagious. Howard said he loves when people say that.
Howard played the Michael Caine phony phone call. The guys had clips of a Michael Caine impersonator calling into an internet radio show and making some odd comments to them about ''the blacks'' and things like that.
They played a Pam Anderson intro for Howard and Howard said that she was never into him. Howard said she was into Tommy Lee. Howard mentioned that she's on the cover of the last Playboy before they stop showing nudes. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard said he's amazed that no one knows who Michael Caine is. Howard said Samuel L. Jackson is friends with Michael Caine. Howard said he has to ask him about that when he comes in. Robin said that Howard has seen The Kingsmen. Howard said he did see that. Robin said that both of them are in that movie. Howard said that was a good movie. Robin said it was great and Samuel L. Jackson is great in it.
Howard said they will do more of those Michael Caine calls. He took a call from a guy who was doing his morning radio guy saying ''good morning.'' The guy said he does phone sales for a job. Howard said he could do that job. The guy said he sells herbal supplements and some things like that. He said that they're involved with the Carol Burnett thing she was in promoting a couple of months ago. Howard said he got a Christmas card from Carol. He said that he got his Kreskin card too. Howard said he got others. Howard asked if he can make money selling the Carol Burnett thing. The caller said if they get a lot of calls they can. Howard asked if he can take an order right now. The guy said just give out the credit card number over the air.
Howard said he got a Christmas card from Mindy Kaling. He said he got one from Jewel. Howard said he got one from Ike Barinholtz too. He said he has a good looking family. He said his wife looks like she's a model. Howard said everyone looks perfect. Howard said he got a card from Graden Carter. Howard said he has a good looking family too. Howard said everyone is with the hot wives. Howard said Tony Bennett painted his card. He said he might be better than Tony. Howard said he might have to have a celebrity paint off. Howard said that was a nice card. Howard said that he has an art company. Howard said he might have to do that too.
Howard said he got a card from Senator D'Amato. Howard said he sent it to the radio station though. He said he has his personal home address. Howard said he should have sent it there. Howard said that he got one from Greg Fitzsimmons and he has a good looking family too. Howard said he got one from Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard said she puts him on the cover of the card. Howard read her card which was all about him. Howard said she is a fan. Howard said it's crazy. He wondered if he should be worried. Robin said maybe.
The caller told Robin that Ryan Phillippe is getting married. Howard said that he saw that. He said his wife is hot. Howard said she's super hot and super thin. Howard said she's a hot lawyer. Howard said that's nice security to have a wife who has a job like that. He said she can take care of business. Robin said she could outsmart you in a lot of ways too. Howard said that's good. Robin said she was reading about James Caan today and he has to take bad roles because it's so expensive getting rid of his wife. Howard said he's unloading his hot wife and it's costing him. He said now he's complaining about it.
Howard said that she's so hot that he lost his mind and didn't get a pre-nup. Robin said that's why it's costing him so much.
Howard asked if anyone cares about the top 5 songs of the year. Robin said she does. She said it must have a bunch of Taylor Swift songs. Howard said it doesn't. Howard said these are the most selling songs of the whole year. Robin said Taylor had one of the biggest albums. Howard said number 5 is Adam Levine. He played his song On Fire. Howard said number 4 is Fetty Wap. Howard said number 3 was Wiz Khalifa. He played short clips of each song as he was doing this. He said number 2 is Ed Sheeran. Howard said he loves this song. He said number 1 is Bruno Mars. Robin said she was going to say that. Howard asked why she didn't. Robin had some excuse for why she didn't.
Howard asked the caller if he has anything else. The caller said he was watching The Bachelor last night and he was from Warsaw, Michigan. He said Bubba is from there too. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said he loves that Bubba. He said he's always on the verge of going to jail though. He said he's always involved in something. He said he's afraid to write him sometimes because he's in so much trouble. Howard said he's almost in criminal trouble at all times. Howard said the world is against him and he's complaining about it. He said he has a reason to complain. Howard said the guys that he knew who were Bubba's friends are now his enemies. Howard said you have to love the guy.
The caller said he can't wait for the Hulk Hogan trial to start because more stuff will come out that Bubba can't talk about. Robin said he might have to testify. The caller said he's a key witness in the case and he can't wait for that. Howard said Bubba just wants to go back to the days of shock the puss and things like that. Howard said Bubba doesn't fuck around. Howard said he has to touch base with him to find out what's going on with him.
Robin asked if Howard would go visit someone in jail. Howard said maybe. Robin said they treat the visitors worse than the prisoners sometimes. Howard asked if Robin visits a prisoner. Robin said she remembers when Cabbie was in prison and she tried to visit and it was such a hassle that she gave up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed the 10 Years of Satellite special that was on last week. Howard said they put a lot of work into the last two weeks of the year. Howard said it was like a condensed thing so they fit a lot in. The caller said it was great. Howard said he figured people wouldn't catch on to what they were doing but the caller proved him wrong. The caller said he has been a lifetime subscriber and his show is the reason why. Howard said he's got another 5 years and then he'll go off into the sunset. Robin asked if he's saying there will be no more. Howard said he's thinking yes. He said he can't imagine that he will want to stick around at the end of this 5 years. He said he always thinks that and ends up re-signing. Howard said he never knows.
Howard played another Ronnie Resolution. Howard said that he's all about sex. Howard said that he'd go to strip clubs and act like the manager. He said he had Lonnie convince everyone that he was one of the owners and it was fucking weird. Robin said he was orchestrating things there when she was there. She said she saw him doing all of that ordering around. Howard said the girls used to think he was the owner. Ronnie came in and said that Lonnie was the one who told them that. He just went along with it.
Howard said Ronnie's thing is pussy. He said that he loves the Mets but his thing is really pussy. He said that's his main focus in life. Ronnie said pussy and NASCAR are neck and neck. He said he'd choose pussy over NASCAR if he had to. Howard said Howie Mandel wanted to produce a show where he'd go around fixing up strip clubs.
Howard asked Ronnie how often he cums during the week. Ronnie said when Stephanie isn't sick it's maybe 3-4 times a week. He said he doesn't masturbate. He said he doesn't have to do that with her. He said that both of them are into it. Howard asked if she ever shows up in an outfit. Ronnie said she does. He said she'll wear high boots and high heels. He said he's into thong black panties too. He said she passed out on New Year's with him. Howard asked if he keeps going with her. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said she wasn't feeling so great and she passed out when they got home. Howard asked if Ronnie has any problems getting hard. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said that his girlfriend works crazy hours and she gets home real late sometimes.
Howard asked what Stephanie's favorite thing is with him. Ronnie said she likes when he goes down on her. Howard said look at this guy. He said he's in his 60s and he hasn't slowed down. Howard said this is why he needs a young girlfriend. Howard said there is no lull for this guy. Robin asked if he ever had that. Ronnie said he had some issues in his 50s but it wasn't him.
Howard played more of Ronnie's resolutions. He had one where Ronnie talks about writing the parts of the body that you'd like to fuck. He talked about fucking the face, the ass, feet and more. Howard said he doesn't think he's kidding about that either. Howard said Ronnie is really involved. Howard asked if he watches porn with the girlfriend. Ronnie said they do. Howard said that he thinks Stephanie is really into Ronnie too. He said he can't find another woman who doesn't find him disgusting. Howard asked if he will be fucking her face tonight. Ronnie said she's sick so he'll have to see how she's feeling.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks. Ronnie said he asks about the vein in his cock. He said he guarantees he bangs more than King does. King said now he's going overboard. He said he likes Ronnie. King said the only thing he's not honest about his fucking. Ronnie said call Stephanie and ask her. King said Howard can't believe this stuff. He said he didn't believe Artie was getting high. Howard said that King is consumed with this stuff. Ronnie said he doesn't have to lie about this stuff.
Howard said that he has veins in his cock. Ronnie said King thinks that it's smooth now. Howard asked if women like veins. King said that means you love them so of course they do. Robin said she would just want it to be hard. King asked if he has a hard on every day. Ronnie said he does. King said he's lying. Ronnie said he isn't lying. He said that king has a heart condition and he can't get hard because of that.
Shuli came in and Ronnie said he's sick so stay away from him. Shuli said he's fine. Shuli said King is promoting some dick pill on Twitter every day. He said that he must be getting paid for that. King said that's his product. Howard said that's called Viagra. Ronnie said it's natural like millions of other ones. Howard asked King if he can get him down there and have a sword fight with Ronnie. King said he'll go one better. He said he'll let Ronnie interview his wife and he'll interview Ronnie's. Ronnie said she's not his wife. Ronnie said he's not freaky like King. He said he can interview her all he wants but he doesn't want to talk to King's wife. Howard said he'd like to talk to King's wife.
King said that Stephanie is trying to trap Ronnie into marrying him. Ronnie said she's the one who wants to get married. King said that Ronnie thinks that he's 30 years old but he's not. He asked what he's wearing. Howard said he has a suit on. King told him not to wear a suit. Howard said he makes him wear one. Shuli wanted King to dress him one day. Ronnie said no way to that.
Howard said he has to get out of this. King said he wants to talk about his product. Howard asked if they would take anything that he has invented. Gary said he went to the web site and it's the worst site he's ever seen. He said he had to go about 10 things in before he could figure it out. Howard said you know he didn't invent it, he's just selling it. Howard said some guy got a hold of him and got him to sell it. He said it's like the Honeymooners. He did an impression of what that would sound like.
King said Howard knows he's not an idiot. Shuli asked how his pills are different. King said it makes you hard but it also makes you desire the pussy. Ronnie was laughing. Howard said we all desire pussy. Robin said he must have a problem with that. King said that Ronnie wouldn't be talking like this if Howard didn't re-sign.
King said he's not going to try to get in a plug for this stuff. He said that they have sold 1700 boxes of it so far though. Ronnie laughed and asked how many he's taken. King asked if he can interview his wife. Ronnie said yes. He said yes earlier.
Howard asked if this stuff is the stuff Lamar Odom took at the whore house. King said that guy was taking all kinds of other stuff at the time and that's what did it to him. King said that he gets a new car at the end of the year for selling this stuff. King said that he sold them off the web site and he has sold them hand by hand too. Howard asked what percentage he gets. King said it's his product. He said that he has a partner who invented it and he sells it.
Gary came in and said there are a couple of things going on. He said they're trying to figure out what the stuff is. He said they say take only one pill in 24 hours. He said then they tell you there's a special ingredient. He said they say it's the ingredient that gives ants their strength. Howard laughed when he heard that. Jason came in with more about that. He said that it ''may'' be responsible for giving ants their strength. King said they are strong. Howard said that he has to go prepare for Samuel L. Jackson. Ronnie said he's there.
King said he wants to come down to the studio and see how he looks right now. Ronnie said his heart doctor told him to lose weight. King said he doesn't have a problem. Howard said he wants to meet his wife too. King said she's Puerto Rican but she's docile. Ronnie said girls like that don't take that shit like King gives her. King said she calls him God and not his real name. Howard said he really has to go. King said he has to say one more thing. Howard said he has to get to Samuel L. Jackson. King asked what kind of glasses Ronnie has on. Ronnie said they're Ray Ban. King laughed hard. Howard asked why that's funny. King asked if it says it on the corner. King wondered if it says it on the glass because they're artificial if they don't. Howard said he has to go. King was telling him where it should say Ray Ban. Ronnie said they're prescription glasses. He said they're not Ray Ban lenses.
King told a story about how he got caught up in the Ray Ban thing when he was like 20. Howard had to hang up on him. He said he was going to hang himself from this. Howard said come on down and they'll talk about it. Gary said they have to get to the guy with over a billion dollars in box office. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Samuel L. Jackson is there. Howard said this guy is the highest grossing actor in the world. He said his movies have grossed $7.42 billion. Howard said no one comes close. Howard said that L. stands for Leroy. Sam said that's right. Howard said he is the highest grossing actor in the history of film. Samuel said that's not a dubious honor. He said if you're in a film anyone can claim that. He said if you're in enough films you can say that. He said there's another guy who has been in like twice the number of films but they forget about him.
Howard asked if Samuel ever pinches himself for being so lucky. Samuel said that he does. Howard said some people can't get a job. Howard said you can sit around waiting for directors to call. Samuel said it's right place, right time.
Howard asked when he knew he was a star. He asked if it was the Spike Lee movie. Samuel said it was actually Die Hard 3. He said he was in a Die Hard movie with Bruce Willis and he was number 3 on the cast list. He said Bruce told him while they were shooting that ''Pulp Fiction'' came out. He said Die Hard 3 was the highest grossing movie in the world the next year. He said that's when he knew.
Howard said Samuel has talked about actors who don't go see their own films are full of it. He said it's the most narcissistic career in the world. Samuel said they do the movies because they want to be in it. He said that he goes to see his own movies. Samuel said there is no better experience than going to the movies and taking the ride with them. He said that he hasn't seen The Hateful Eight yet but he will. He said he saw some screenings. He said he watched it with his peers but he hasn't watched it with people who have paid their money.
Robin asked if he cringes at his performance or does he enjoy that. Samuel said his headphones aren't working. He couldn't hear Robin.
Howard asked if there is a danger in going to see your own films. He said you might change your whole performance if they don't react properly. Samuel said it doesn't change anything. He said the performance is already done. They swapped out his headphones so he could hear Robin now.
Howard asked Samuel about being in his first production and seeing all of the women that show up. He knew he could get laid after that. Samuel said that's right. He said that he met his wife who was already in theater. He said he got kicked out of school for being a trouble maker. Howard said he went to Morehouse and he got radicalized and he was part of taking over the campus and locking up the board of trustees once. Samuel said that he was at a school that was supposed to be the pinnacle of people of color but they had no people of color on the board. He said they had no community involvement at all. He said they had a lot of things that were wrong on campus. He said that the board wouldn't meet with them so they locked them in the building.
Samuel said that he was slipped a book once and this girl passed him a book and the teacher wrote a big F on it. He said that he got together with her that night and it turned out to be the woman he would marry. Howard said he's been through a lot with her. He said that's almost unheard of in Hollywood that they've lasted so long.
Howard said Samuel was the greatest cocaine user of all time. He said he'd go score and get on stage 45 minutes later. Howard said he was a functional addict. Samuel said he was pretty fast at making it happen. Howard asked if he went to rehab. Samuel said he did his 21 days upstate.
Howard asked Samuel if he went because he wanted to stop. Samuel said he did. He said he really wanted to stop. Howard said his childhood seemed pretty horrible because his parents weren't around. He said his mom was home from 5th grade on. Howard said they weren't around that much though. Samuel said that his grandparents were around and his aunt was around. He said that his aunt put him into some acting stuff.
Samuel said that he was growing up in Chattanooga, Tennessee and he went to an all black school. He said it was a great benefit for him. He said the teachers had all taught his parents and family so they knew what was expected in the household. Samuel said when kids were learning to diagram sentences they knew he was supposed to go to college so he read literature.
Howard asked what his aunt put him into. Samuel said he was in Pageants and that was for the parents of the white schools to see. Howard said he grew up with a stutter too. Samuel said he's stuttering now. Howard said he went on to a huge career. He said that they must have told him he couldn't act with a stutter. Samuel said that he was never told he could be an actor. He said that he was told to be a doctor or a lawyer. Howard said that the word Motherfucker helps him get through the stutter. Samuel said it really does. He said his stutter changed a lot. He said it went from different letters to other letters that would make him stumble. Howard asked how he got past that. Samuel said he read a lot about how to combat that stuff.
Howard asked if he got into fights when he was younger. Samuel said he did and he could win when he was young. He said that he doesn't think he could beat Quentin Tarantino now. He said Quentin likes to work out. Howard asked if he can ad-lib in his movies. Samuel said he can change some lines but not ad-lib.
Howard asked Samuel about not having his parents around when he was growing up and if he has any psychological damage. Samuel said he doesn't miss people or things when they're gone so he might have a little problem. He said that his mom was working in Washington DC so she had a good job and that was a good reason for not being around. Samuel said his dad left early on and he didn't meet him as an adult until his daughter was like 6 months old. He said he was on the road doing a play in Kansas and he met his grandmother there and he was with her. He said he met a sister he didn't know about. He said they went to this house and there was a teenager there and he thought that might be her. He said she goes upstairs and brings down a baby who turns out to be his sister. Samuel said he was asking him if he was out of his fucking mind. He said he didn't stutter when he said that. He said the older lady asked how long it had been since he saw him. Samuel said it was only the second time he'd seen him in his life. He said that he got pissed at him for saying that and not lying for him.
Howard asked if his father has tried to get in touch with him. Samuel said he did when he was dying from Cirrhosis. He said he was gravely ill and they wanted to know if he wanted them to take action to keep him alive. He said ''fuck no, not for me.'' Howard said that's the greatest.
Howard said for 3 years Samuel was the stand in for Bill Cosby when he was off doing his thing on the show. Samuel said that he did that. He said that he would do the blocking for the show. He said they'd be off and they'd walk through the show and do the whole show. Howard said he had to memorize the whole script. Samuel said they had the script to read from so they didn't have to memorize it. He said he learned a lot from doing that though. Howard asked if he was close to Cosby. Samuel said he wasn't. He said he wrote down the blocking and he'd go down and do it. He said he never tried to get on the show or anything. He said he did say good morning to Cosby and he didn't think he even knew who he was. Then 5 years later Cosby saw him at a game he was at and he asked him if he was working because he needed a stand in.
Samuel said he saw a sign on the set of a movie once where it said be careful of the toes you step on today because they might be attached to the ass you'll be kissing tomorrow. He said that's why he's nice to everyone on the set. He said he has gotten jobs from people who were P.A.s on movies years ago.
Howard asked Samuel about learning the script for movies and how that goes for him. Samuel said that he'll read the script a few times and then make up a biography for his character. Howard said that way he understands who he is. Howard said he's that guy. Samuel said you have a lot of stuff to bring with you. Howard asked if he ever does an impression from his past life and uses someone's accent. Samuel said he does that all the time. He said his hairdresser Robert had red hair that was kind of knotty. He said that he used that in The Negotiator. He said he does use those people from his past. He said he still rides the subway to look at people. He said he likes to do that. He said he likes to see the culture that's different from where he is. He said he does that in London a lot too. He said he's been working over there a lot over the past 2 years. He said they say it's cheaper to produce stuff there but he's not sure how that is. Samuel said he's shooting a King Kong origin story over there. Howard said that sounds cool. Samuel said that they're trying to bring in King Kong to maybe do a King Kong vs. Godzilla thing a few years down the road.
Howard asked if Samuel does a big movie and then does and independent movie. Samuel said not really. He said he has to like the movie. He said that he has to want to see the movie that he does. He said that he had to take ''Coming to America'' so he wasn't reading and choosing to do movies then. He said he had to do that one. Howard said you have to take anything you can when you're starting out. Howard said when he was researching him he saw that he was in the Public Enemy video playing Flavor Flav's dad. Howard said that's an awesome song. Samuel said he was shooting a Spike Lee movie and he heard that Flavor needed someone to play his dad so he showed up to do it. Howard said that you have to just take roles that you can.
Howard said that Samuel was in Exorcist 3. Samuel said they actually used someone else's voice in the movie and he has no idea why. He said that they had people like Fabio in that movie.
Howard said he thinks that the two most important directors in his career are Quentin Tarantino and Spike Lee. Samuel said he would say George Lucas too. Howard asked if it bugs him that people are critical of those movies. Samuel said not at all. He said he asked to be in them. He said he asked George. He said he was on a talk show and he said he wanted to work with George Lucas and he wanted to be in Star Wars. He said he went off to do Sphere and he went over to talk to George when he was writing Episode 1. He said George didn't know what he could do but he asked him to just let him be a Stormtrooper and he'd be cool with that. He said he got a job as a Jedi instead.
Howard asked if he gets nervous when he has to audition. Samuel said not at all. He said he has worked with directors who have tired to change his performance and they've had some problems. He said if you're not an actor and you're telling him what his intentions are you don't know how it works. He said that if they don't like it then they can fire him and send him home. He said just don't ask him to do stupid shit. Howard said that has to be hell working like that. Samuel said it is. He said you don't want to go to work every day. He said that going to work on a movie is supposed to be fun and not tedium.
Howard asked if Samuel knows people that make it hard to relax on set. Samuel said of course. He said that he has told people to just relax.
Howard said he has read that Samuel and Michael Caine are good friends. Howard said they've done a few movies together. Samuel said it's just one. He said they have the same agent though so they have hung out a lot. He said he has been to Michael's house. He said he talks to him about his life and things like that. Howard asked if they talk about his life too. Samuel said of course. He said he has been to dinner with Michael and Maggie Smith. He said that they talk about all kinds of stuff like growing up during the Blitz and things like that. Howard asked if those are pinch yourself moments. Samuel said absolutely. Howard said it doesn't get better than that. Samuel said he loves that he's in a place where you get to meet people you watched on TV and it's the most awesome thing in the world. He said that he might see Don Rickles out there and he might start messing with him because he knows who he is.
Howard asked who he has met that has made him say ''Holy shit''. Samuel said that he used to play golf with Sidney Poitier. He said he met him through his agent. Howard asked if he's had this agent a long time. Samuel said he's only had 3 in his life. Samuel said that he's been very lucky. Howard said that hanging with Sidney must be great. He said he was the man when he was growing up. Samuel said it never occurred to him that he'd meet him. He said he was at his agent's office once and Sidney was there. He called him over to hang out on the couch and talk with him. He said they played golf the next day. He said one day he met Gregory Peck. He said he just wanted to talk to him. He used to leave messages on his answering machine. He said he was like ''Oh my god! That's Gregory Peck!'' Howard said he seems comfortable with that. Howard said he's not sure what to do with that.
Samuel said one day he was doing a show where he was going to introduce Whitney Houston and he hears someone doing a speech from Pulp Fiction and it turned out to be Marlon Brando. He said he was doing it really well. He said he used to call Marlon and they'd talk. Howard said he's just not comfortable doing that.
Howard said that Marlon won an Oscar once and he sent an American Indian up to accept an award. He said he thought that was really cool.
Howard said Samuel was nominated for an Academy Award one year but he lost to Martin Landau. Samuel said that no one saw that film. Howard said he was nominated for Pulp Fiction. Samuel said he knew he wasn't going to win but he hoped they were going to get it right at the Academy Awards. He said that people would tell him that they voted for Martin because he was old.
Howard asked if he had won who would he have thanked. Samuel said he would have thanked the people he was in the scenes with and Quentin and the Weinstein.
Howard said that he hasn't seen The Hateful Eight yet. Howard said this movie is his 6th with Quentin Tarantino. Howard said he's his go to guy. Samuel said he wasn't able to get into Inglourious Basterds. He said he wanted to play a black French guy but he didn't speak French. Howard asked if he is thinking about a nomination when he's in one of his films. Samuel said not really. He said that they don't get a lot of nominations.
Howard said that Samuel was so good in Jungle Fever that the Cannes movie festival invented a category for him just so he could win. Samuel said that's right. Howard asked if he ever feels like he missed out on banging some of these women in Hollywood. Samuel said not at all. He said he had a life. He said he had a rich sex life. Howard said god knows what was going on.
Howard asked Samuel about reading The Hateful Eight and if he thought greatness right away. Samuel said you can tell. He said that it's like reading a really good novel or a play. He said this film reads like a theatrical play. He said they could turn it into a play. He said that they could do it as a play. He said they could do it for six weeks. Howard said lets do it. Samuel said Quentin is actually thinking about it. Howard said he comes up with shitty things for him to do. Howard asked what they had to cut out. Samuel said he had a torture scene that was cut out Django. He said that he had to cut off nipples. He said that was taken out. He said that he liked doing that film and he doesn't feel bad about any of that.
Howard asked who has made it easy for him to get into character with. Samuel said that he did Jackie Brown with Bobby De Niro. He said that guy commits. He said he commits to the moment and the character and he's there. Howard asked who else. Samuel said that Travolta was great in Pulp. He said Colin Firth was amazing too. Howard said he was in Unbreakable with Bruce Willis too. Samuel said he's a movie star. He said he's great. He said he is the epitome of a movie star. He said doing Unbreakable was much different than doing Die Hard. He said that M. Knight is very specific about what he wants you to do. He said that he knew what he was trying to accomplish. He said you have to stop and think and see how it's going to work. He said with most people he doesn't do that for. Howard asked why he doesn't direct anything. Samuel said he likes hanging out in his trailer watching TV. He said he doesn't like puzzles and trying to work that stuff out. He said he'd rather watch Judge Judy in his trailer. He said he watches movies and judge shows all day.
Howard asked if he's afraid that he's going to forget his dialog. Samuel said not at all. He said he and Judge Judy hang out actually. He said he's flown across the country to hang out with her. He said that it's his agent again. He said she knows Judy and he met Judy at her house and he's gone to hang out with her. Howard said he's a social guy. He said he really likes people. Samuel said he loves his own company though.
Howard asked if he loves being in the Marvel movies. Samuel said of course he does. He said it's like playing as a kid playing Batman and Superman. He said they have their costumes on and it's like ''Hell yeah! Lets play!''
Howard asked if he has done any sex scenes. Samuel said he has and he may have asked for a dick double. He said women asks for doubles all the time. Howard said he would do the same thing. Howard said he remembers Richard Gere showing his penis and that isn't what people wanted to see.
Howard asked if he has had hot love scenes. Samuel said he did one with Juliette Binoche. He said that you have to ask where you can touch her and then apologize for either getting excited or not getting excited. He said sometimes it just ain't happening. Howard asked if he's had actual penetration. Samuel said no.
Howard said the movie that he's promoting is The Hateful Eight. Howard said Quentin was in there and summed it up. Howard said that it's 8 strangers who don't know what the fuck is happening. Samuel said that he would say it's a film about 8 bounty hunters and one has a prisoner worth about $10,000. He said he has to take refuge from a storm and he doesn't know who they are. Howard asked if he thinks he'll be nominated for this film. Samuel said he hasn't been yet. He said he's going back to working on King Kong on Monday so he can forget about all of that. He said he's shooting Capital One commercials on Friday and Saturday. Howard said that he doesn't have to do those. Samuel said sometimes they make you an offer you can't refuse.
Howard asked Samuel about his house and how many bedrooms he has. He said he has 5 in the main house and 2 in the guest house. He said that he has the screening room upstairs.
Howard said the movie is The Hateful Eight and it's another Quentin Tarantino movie. Samuel said that Quentin has said he's only making two more and he's out. Howard said that he can't wait to see this movie. Samuel said that if he had seen it here would be something they'd be talking about right now. He said it's a dick scene. Howard asked if it's about his penis. Samuel said it is actually.
Howard asked if he has seen a movie that he wanted to be in that he wasn't able to get in. Samuel said no. Howard asked what movie he thought was the worst he did. He said it was Exorcist 3.
Howard said he's glad to see him there. Samuel said that they used to go to screenings together. Howard said then he moved to Los Angeles.
Howard said it must be cool hanging with some of those guys on the set. They talked about how great some of the guys are like Walt Goggins and Kurt Russell. Howard asked Samuel about working with all of these guys and if they get together and ask what they got paid to find out if anyone got stiffed. Samuel laughed said they don't. He said they talk about how their back end deals are going. Howard asked if they ever get paid on that. Samuel said he usually does. He said especially with the Marvel films. He said hopefully the kids in the new Star Wars movie had that kind of deal. Howard thanked Samuel for coming in and went to break after that. They played Robin singing and some Ronnie clips as they were going to break.
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Howard came back and said this is the greatest song. He said that he's one of the greatest radio guests of all time too. He said he remembers when Janie the Cleaning Lady came in to be his interpreter. He said she understood everything. He said she spoke James Brown. Howard asked how many people have ''sex machine'' in their song. Howard said that guy didn't give a fuck and he was a great interview.
Howard played a PSA from phony Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said they have five more years to come. He played a song from Daniel Mendelson about that 5 more years.
Howard said that he wants to share that Wendy the Slow Adult calls them pretty consistently around 8 but she calls at all times too. He said sometimes it's 2 in the morning. Howard said she calls singing now. Howard said he suspects that she's drinking. Howard said he thinks of her poor mother when he hears this stuff. Howard said she's trapped in the house with her. Howard played a clip of Wendy singing on the phone. It was all over modulated so it was hard to hear. Howard had her singing a bunch of songs. Howard said when she's not at a fast food restaurant dumpster diving this is what she's doing. Robin said you want to send her out to the dumpster after hearing that.
Howard played another song parody about his 5 year contract. Howard said he's back and it's feeling like a mistake. Howard said he asked Gary how many shows he has left and it's over 500.
Howard said he went to the bathroom during the break and saw Benjy's beard. He said it's all beard. He said now his whole existence is this beard. He said it's so dark from dying it. He said that it's more beard than face. Howard said he knows he likes the attention he's getting but it's so odd. Benjy said it's not conscious. Howard said it looks like the beard Woody Allen had in that movie where he became the dictator. Howard said it looks like fake hair on his face. Howard said it covers up his blotchy skin and his eyes pop more now. Benjy said he let it get big because he likes the way it looks after a couple of days of growth. He said when it's this big he doesn't have to color it so much. Howard said it's like a warm dark and it's an interesting color.
Robin said she saw Benjy leaving and he has this flappy eared cap he wears and it covers up his head. Howard said he's bald so he has to cover that up. Howard said the beard is so beard. Howard told Jason to take a picture of him and put it up. Howard said the beard is weird. He said there's something wrong there.
Howard took a call from Pittsburgh Pete who said he's been following Benjy on YouTube. He said he's interviewing people and he may have mixed emotions about Howard signing. He said that he seems kind of sad that he has to be just a writer for 5 more years. Howard said no one is stopping Benjy from doing anything. Howard said he just want to be there. Pete asked if he wants to be there. Benjy said he wants to do his own thing also and he has to figure out how to do it. Howard asked him why he doesn't just do it. Howard said he has had meetings with him even though he didn't want to. Howard said it sounds exactly like this. Howard said he's only there for 4 hours a day for 3 days a week. He said he can do whatever he wants. Howard said he's not sure he wants an answer out of him.
Fred said he thinks that Benjy is just spending his time on that beard. Benjy said that it's scary depending on one person for making a living. He said that he would like to do something on his own too. He said he loves what he does there but he hates that they do it in the morning. Robin said that is the one thing he wondered about changing. Howard said he did put that out there but no one picked up on it.
Benjy asked if Howard could get up later would he be happier. Howard said that he dreads getting up but he wants it all to work so he has dread for maybe disappointing his audience. Howard said he likes getting the show over with early in the morning. He said morning is fine with him.
Pete asked if it bothers Howard that Benjy does side projects. Howard said no one cares. Howard said he can go do his thing. He said Benjy is going to emerge. Benjy said he's going to be the beard guy. Howard let Pete go after that.
Howard asked Benjy what his dream job is. He asked if he wants to be in a remake of Grizzly Adams. Benjy said he wants to live in central Park. Howard said he heard he's become a recluse there. Benjy said he got very depressed. Howard said everyone has to suffer because he's depressed.
Howard asked what time he'd like to do the show. Benjy said maybe 1pm to 5. Howard said he'll see what he can do. Robin asked how he could do his own thing if he's working those hours. Benjy said he'd be waking up naturally. Howard said that his mother gave him advice on sleeping. He said just go to bed and see if you can sleep. Howard said eventually it works out. Howard said he guarantees that he will fall asleep eventually. Benjy said then you're not on a regular schedule.
Howard asked what he's depressed about anyway. Benjy said he's looking into therapy. Benjy asked if Howard is better now than he was 10 years ago. Howard said he is but he'll never be 100 percent. He said he is better. He said he gets along with people better now.
Benjy asked if Howard likes doing this and if it makes him feel good. Howard said he doesn't really like doing it. He said that he likes getting a paycheck. He said it makes him feel useful. He said it is important for him to get paid doing something. He said he can't really answer that. Benjy said it's hard living your dream. Howard said it seems to be great for him. He said he's living his dream.
Howard said he's just not a happy person. He said he gets very sad. Benjy said he does too. Howard said there you go. Robin said she loves doing this. Howard told Benjy to stop thinking so much.
Howard said that Benjy will get to live his dream when he dies. Howard said JD is living his dream. He said he gets to go to McDonald's and get 10 things to eat.
Howard said they should do the news but Fred told him they should do a live commercial. Howard sighed. Howard said he wants to be a rock star. That's his dream. Fred said Howard is living his dream but he's not that happy. He asked Benjy what he wants to do. Benjy said it was always two thing. He said it was late night talk radio or something. He said it was always stand up too. He said he realized you have to travel constantly. He said it's scary now to think about doing it. He said it's impossible to do it with their schedule. Howard said he could do it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. Benjy said he has to get on a normal sleep schedule. Robin said he can't have it all. She said he's wacky. Benjy said he knows. Robin said people who want things just go for it. She said he doesn't really want it. Howard said he can figure this out. He told Benjy to stop dreaming.
Howard said if he wanted to do stand up he would do his job there Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He said Wednesday night he would work at a comedy club. He said he'd work Thursday, Friday and Saturday at a comedy club. He said he'd work with Shuli too. Howard said that sleep thing is ridiculous. Howard said the average guy there works a 50 hour week. He said Benjy is on a 12 hour week and he can't figure it out.
Howard said Shuli goes out all the time doing stand up. Howard said Sal and Richard do too. Benjy said he's trying to figure it out but also get sleep.
Howard said he can help. He told Benjy on Sunday he has a free day to write his comedy. Howard said when he gets off the air he goes home and goes to sleep. He said just try to take a nap. Howard said Wednesday night he goes out and does stand up at 9. Benjy said you can't do that when you're starting out. Howard said you go to sleep at 11 on Wednesday night. Howard said Benjy can sleep all day on Thursday. He said that he doesn't go on until 8:30 on Thursday. Then he does another gig at 10 at another club. Howard said Friday he can do the same thing. Howard said then he goes home and goes to bed. He said at some point he'll get some sleep. Howard asked how old he is now anyway. Benjy said that his official age is 44. Gary said he just got 11 years younger than him in a minute. He said that Benjy is almost 50. Benjy said he's not. Robin said even 44 is a little late to be starting. Howard said Benjy is 48. That's what he's going with.
Howard said that Jackie went out on his own. Howard said that's what Benjy should do. Howard said he thinks Jackie did a gig the other night and they paid him in Wampum. Howard said that Jackie used to complain too. He said that it was killing him.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that it's so easy. He said it's funny listening to Benjy. He said the other comedians out there must be pulling their hair out. He said that he's worried about sleeping and he has this show to help promote his gigs. He said that no successful person worries about sleep like this. Benjy said he loves that Ralph woke up to say this. He said that he knows he might be fucked up but he's trying to figure it out.
Howard said Benjy has had a meeting with him about this. He said that he's saying the same things here that he said in that meeting. Howard said he told him he wanted to help him. He said he gave him advice on sleep. Ralph said he's just making his life difficult. Benjy said he's trying to figure it out. Robin said he has the same brain that he can't figure it out with trying to figure it out. Benjy said he knows that. Howard said he's the real unknown comic. Howard said Ralph has figured it all out. He said he's the only one who works less than Benjy.
Ralph told Benjy that he's going to fuck things up if he doesn't figure it out. Howard said he almost did fuck it up. Ralph said that's why he does all of these things. He said he's thinking too much. Benjy said he's just going to do what he can so he gets sleep. Howard said that he's working on that beard. Ralph said he looks like Wooly Willy. Howard said Regis wasn't a big star until he was 57 so that might give him hope. Ralph said he also has that beard going for him too.
Howard asked Ralph if he had anything else. Ralph said he doesn't. Robin said they were talking about how tough it must be for good looking people like John Stamos. Howard said he heard that Ralph spent New Year's with Stamos and Bob Saget. Ralph said he did. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said Ralph sleeps all the time. He said Benjy should hang with him. He said that this is it and he has to enjoy it while he's around. He said you're only there for a short time. Howard showed Benjy his napkin. He said the time we're on earth is this long. He said that's it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he noticed he's still doing live commercial reads. Howard said he noticed that... Howard said he was doing negotiations and he wrote down what he wanted. He said he had about 50 things. He said he didn't want to do the live thing but he was willing to record them. Howard said then they were negotiating and he wanted more and they wanted to give less. Howard said pretty much everything had been discussed. Howard said he brought up the live reads and he asked his agent to bring them up. Howard said they get paid good money for those and he's asking for more money. Howard said he was embarrassed to bring them up so he will be doing them for 5 more years. Howard said he likes coming through for the sponsors. He let the caller go a short time later.
Robin started her news and said that she heard that Shuli is out in the hall freaking out about what Benjy is complaining about. Howard said he heard that too. Shuli came in a short time later. Shuli said he's been inviting Benjy to go out for years. Benjy said he doesn't need a club to ask him to come. He said that he has done it. He said that has nothing to do with it. Shuli said that over vacation he had one kid with Pink Eye and one with lice. He said between that and work he's still able to get out there and do it. Benjy said he's happy he figured it out but he hasn't been able to. Shuli said that he slept like a baby last night because he's exhausted. He said he's out there doing shows with High Pitch Eric and Joey Boots. Benjy said he doesn't even want to do stand up. He said he wants to do a radio show.
Howard said Benjy could do a show in a smaller market and still work there. Fred said Benjy doesn't want to do that because he thinks he should be able to do it there in New York. Howard said that you have to start out small. Shuli said he thinks that Benjy has to just push himself more and get out there and do it. Howard said Brian Dunkleman wanted to do his own thing and he's out there doing it.
Gary said that the guys are asking in the office what he does for the rest of the day when he goes home. Benjy said he's been going home and crying. He said that's what he's been doing for a couple of months. Benjy said that he has actually stopped doing that.
Howard said it's a lot of work to do what Shuli does. Shuli said it's really hard. He said it's a struggle but you just do it if you really want to do it. Benjy said he's just saying he hasn't been able to manage it.
Robin said that a survey says that whites and republicans might be the angriest Americans. Robin read that to Howard and told him who did the poll which was Monkey Esquire or something like that. Howard asked if they can trust a poll from Monkey.
Robin read a story about a web site that is for white people to meet and date. Robin said some people are upset about the site because it's for whites only. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about this kid who claimed he had ''Affluenza'' to get out of killing 4 people in a drunk driving crash. Robin said his mother helped him flee the country. Robin said they claimed he was brought up wealthy and privileged so they called if Affluenza. Robin said that he's still in Mexico trying to fight extradition.
Ralph called in again and told Benjy to do one more year on the show and then quit and go do his dream. He said that's what he should do. Howard said that he won't do that. Benjy said he's taking Howard's advice.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked him to please stop with the Benjy bits. He said nothing makes him more angry than hearing Benjy's voice. Howard said he can't wait for that beard to grow over his mouth so he can't hear him anymore. The caller said he really can't stand hearing Benjy on the air. He said it makes him want to punch him in the face. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read about how New York is going to have medical marijuana but don't expect to be able to get it like you can in California. Robin said it will be a tablet, pill or gel. Robin said the medical marijuana will be dispensed by a pharmacist. Howard said they really know how to suck the fun out of that there. Howard said in California they have candy and foods with pot in it.
Robin read a story about the homeless on the street there in New York and if it's wrong to take them off the street in this cold weather. Howard said they should be trying to help them. Robin said some people are saying that the shelters are dirty and full of bedbugs and drugs. Robin said the governor passed an order saying that they have to take them by force to the shelters.
Robin read a story about a new law that will allow doctors to pass along mental illness to the FBI for background checks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mind went blank listening to Benjy. He said Howard has been great with his guests and how can he not say that he's the king of all interviewers. Howard said that he has to call Gayle King. He said he didn't say any of this. Howard said it was the woman on CBS morning news who questioned a guy about it. Howard said he didn't say anything about it.
Robin read a story about a woman who confronted a Starbucks cashier who stole her credit card information. Robin said the woman went to Starbucks and she felt suspicious when the girl brought her card in the back room. Robin said that the information was stolen and the woman later found that she had $200 or more charged to her card and she knew where it had happened because of that cashier. Robin said she has dropped the criminal charges but she did confront the woman. Howard played the audio of the woman confronting the girl who stole her information. The cashier apologized for taking her information. Howard said that was good. Robin said you want to be able to go yell at someone like that and this woman got the opportunity.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Benjy to go listen to the replay of himself talking for a half hour and he'll be able to get some sleep. The caller said he fell asleep on the treadmill listening to it. Howard got a laugh out of that. Benjy said he'll give it a shot. Howard was still laughing as he started a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a guy on Long Island who was driving while intoxicated and had an accident. Robin said he severely injured the passenger in the car. Robin said what this guy did was dump his injured passenger on the ground not far from his house and then drove off. Robin said he got rid of some of his personal effects in the woods but he ended up getting caught. Robin said he pleaded not guilty and he's out on $1 million bail. Robin said he dumped a dying guy on the side of the road so how do you confront your family after that?
Robin said that Chick-Fil-A in New York City has closed because of food safety violations. Robin said that it was cited for filth, flies and for not storing food at proper temperatures. Robin said it closed last Wednesday. Robin said they still have more work to do before opening. Howard said this is why you want government. He said tax payer dollars going to the board of health is a good idea.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby being out on bail after being charged with sexual assault. Robin said they're trying to depose his wife in this case and the lawyers were trying to delay her appeal to be deposed but now they've decided that she can be deposed. Robin said she's now saying that she's completely humiliated by the charges. Robin said her friends are saying that she's known for years about this and she just told him not to be flagrant or humiliate her. Robin said she became disgusted when the numbers got close to 50. Robin said that she's been fighting the deposition because it's humiliating to her and her family. She said that she has said that her husband may deserve the hell he's in. Robin said Bill Cosby has tweeted his fans after going through all of this. Howard said it was pretty crazy seeing him going in to get finger printed.
Robin read about some of the new inventions that are at CES this year. Robin said there's one company with a smart bra that tracks biometrics. Fred played Ronnie saying ''Topless'' while she did that story.
Robin read about a new sleep number bed. Robin said they have tons of sensors in the bed that can track you while you sleep. Howard said Benjy's problem is that he can't get to sleep. Howard asked if he got any sleep last night. Benjy said he did actually.
Robin read a story about the head coach of the NY Giants stepping down. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump going after Hillary Clinton and now reporters are going after Bill Clinton. Robin had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about that.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump having a commercial where they talk about him building a wall on our southern border and now he's being accused of using footage of some border from a foreign country instead of the U.S. border.
Robin read a story about Axl Rose making it official that Guns N' Roses are reuniting. Howard said that they have to get them in there. Howard said Axl called in years ago. Howard said Slash has been in many times. Robin said that Guns N' Roses will be headlining Coachella. Howard asked how long that can last. Robin said maybe through one show. Robin said that Axl has already canceled their Jimmy Kimmel Live appearance that was supposed to happen tonight. Robin said they are getting through some rehearsals. Howard said he'd love to know how that happened. He said he wants to talk to them about that.
Robin had some audio of Billy Joel and said he's going to be playing his 71st show at Madison Square Garden. Robin said it happens on Thursday this week. Howard said it's a great show. He said it's a fucking home run.
Robin read a story about Burger King responding to McDonald's move by selling a 5 item meal that costs 4 bucks. Robin said that it's competition for McDonald's McPick2 deal.
Robin read a story about the safest airline out there. Howard guessed it was Jet Blue. Robin said no. It's actually Quantas. Howard said that's what he thought. Robin read about some of the other safe airlines.
Robin read a couple more stories and wrapped up her news. They ended the show around 11:25am.
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Jon asked if Michael gets that kind of respect. Michael said that you don't get into that kind of stuff with really great people.
Jon brought up how harsh Michael can be on Gary in the fantasy football thing. Michael said that he may take some of that stuff in the wrong way. He said that he may ask Gary things that he takes the wrong way. He said in 2016 he no longer wants to do that. He said he has to own up to his ball breaking. Michael said he feels like Gary takes it the wrong way. He said that he feels like he rattled the cage sometimes. He said he doesn't mean it in that way. He said at the end of the day he loves the show.
Jon said he wants to talk about Benjy. Michael said he concerns him. He said he sounds so fragile. He said in the old days he used to participate in the Wrap Up Show and he would make eye contact with him and he's very sensitive. He said you can feel it. He said he's more fragile than some women. Jon said when you hear him you think about how he writes for the greatest radio show of all time. He said he should be able to do what he wants. Michael said he should just go out and do it. Michael said that beard isn't helping anything. He said that makes him look like a homeless person. Jon said you can hear he's depressed. He said that Ralph said it when he called in. He said if you want to go do sending then just go do it.
Michael asked who Ralph is and what is his place on the show. He said he wanted to be re-familiarized on him. Jon said Ralph is Howard's stylist. He said when Howard goes on shows Ralph is the one in charge of his wardrobe. He said that he's also a friend and he's been a caller for many years. He said his reputation is that he has a lot of ideas but not a lot of action. He said some people were upset that he was giving advice to Benjy when he doesn't really do what he tells Benjy to do.
Michael went off on Ralph goofing on his name and looks. He said he does trust Howard though. Gary came in around that time so Michael and Gary started to goof on each other. Jon said they have to hold on for a few minutes before getting to that. Michael said he did apologize for some things he said to him in the last year. They went to break after that.
Michael said when he goofed on Gary then he'd get shit from Gary for his personal work. He said Gary is no victim there. He said he doesn't mean to rattle his cage about that stuff. Gary said that he could do something to neutralize him in a way that would really hurt. Gary said they might have an opening this year in the league and he may be able to get Snoop in it. Michael said that he was kicked out of public school in third grade. Gary said that would explain the spelling errors in his email.
Michael said he'll tell Snoop what goes on in the league and he can keep him from joining. Michael said that Gary hasn't listened to Snoop's album back to front and front to back.
Gary said he'd love to hear his opinion about having Snoop in the league this year. Michael said it would be great. Gary asked if he would talk to Snoop the way he talks to the rest of them. Michael said it will be another level.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to voice his opinion on Benjy. He said he is his show killer. He said that he has been so thankful that he's been so quiet lately. He said he works or the number one radio show of all time and he has to stop complaining about not having his own show. Jon said he clearly wants his own show. He said he may want to change. Jon said if he wants that then he has go to out and do it. Jon said Shuli went in there today and told him what to do but Benjy said he wants to do something in radio. Jon said Howard told him to go out and start a show and build a following.
Gary said Benjy is paralyzed by the inability to make a decision. Gary said he is sort of out of giving advice. He said he can't help him if he doesn't even know what he wants to do.
Michael said he thinks that Benjy's skill set is doing what he does. He said you can be a great coach but not a great player or vice versa. He said when you hear Benjy on the air it's not that good but he's never heard him do a show. He said the world is Benjy's oyster. He said he should take it and run with it. Gary said that's one of Benjy's problems. He said that Benjy is actually very confined. Michael said that Artie was the same way. He said you have to be careful who you fuck with and break balls with. He said he gets the sense that Benjy is in a lot of pain.
Jon said that Gary took shit again about putting something in Howard's bag. He put a copy of a movie in his bag that he didn't want in there. Gary said he put it in there because maybe he'd want to see it. He said it was just a DVD. He said he will no longer put stuff in his bag. He has to put some stuff in there but he won't put stuff like that in there anymore. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked if it's hard to hear that stuff. Gary said it is but he enjoys it. Gary said he sometimes listens to that stuff at night and he has to close the door so it's not going through the whole house. Jon asked if Ronnie has an upper hand in the whole King of All Blacks things. Gary said you can't win on the phone. He said that King was filibustering and he didn't get his point out because everyone was talking over him about the boner pill.
Jon brought up the Santa-Con thing that they talked about with Richard today. Michael said that it's just a shit storm that people enjoy. Gary said it's supposed to be a fund raiser in some way. Gary said he has no desire to do that. Michael said that it's for charity though. He said he should do it. Gary said Michael would be better. He said there's not many red headed Santas.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how he feels about being compared to a lesbian. Jon said it's funny. He said it's mostly Sal who does that. He said that he can't complain about his balls getting busted. He said Gary has been taking it for 30 years. Gary asked if Jon was annoyed or happy he was in the gang when he started getting his balls busted. Jon said it was both.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can see Benjy from a different angle than everyone else. He said he was being real and genuine on the air today. He said at least he wasn't being all shticky. Jon said that's a fair point. He said that it didn't sound like a bit today. He said it sounds like he's trying to work his way through his depression. Jon said people will take advice but they don't use it. He said that it can get frustrating when you try to help. Jon said they've all experienced that with Benjy. Gary said they barely interact with Benjy these days. He said he comes in before the show, he does the show and then leaves. He said he doesn't really have any interaction worth him. Gary said a quiet Benjy is fine for him. He said today was the first hint he had about him being upset. He said he cries every day. Michael said that's concerning to him. He said you can say all of this shit about people but there is something wrong if he's crying every day. Jon said sometimes you have to get help to change. Jon said Benjy has a profile because of the show and he can do other things if he desires. He said if he wants to do it he has to dig in and start doing it.
Gary brought up Samuel L. Jackson again and said he was a great guest on the show today. Michael said he has a great instrument and the way he uses his voice is great. They spent a few minutes talking about Samuel and the stories he told.
Gary and Michael got into it again for a short time toward the end of the show too. Gary took a shot at Michael and Michael got upset and started in with Gary. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 12:10pm.
Howard started the show talking about how he got up an hour early to get in there. He said they have a great show today. He said he has a million things to talk about. He said this is what he's good at. He said he's a master of what he does. He said he can do this and changed the volume of the opening theme song. Howard said he can do this. He lowered it. Howard said he's a master.
Howard said he watched the mini-series on SyFy called Children's End and they sucked him into it. He said he wanted to end his life after watching it. He said it was 6 hours of TV and 4 hours were great but then the finale was so shitty. He said he doesn't know what happened at the end. He said he will never watch that channel again. He said the shows are so shitty. Robin said they made Sharknado. Howard said those motherfuckers. He said everything they make is horrible. He said he invested 6 hours of his life into that show. He said he was giddy yesterday to watch the end of it and it was so shitty. He said he doesn't understand what happened at the end. He told Robin about what happened and how the whole earth blew up but you don't know why. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said if you put money into something don't invest in it if it has an ending like that. Robin said it sounds better than Sharknado. Howard said anything with Benjy in it...
Howard said Benjy does something every year. He said he doesn't get him a Christmas gift which is fine. But after the new year he sends over flowers to his apartment. Howard said now because he did that he's going out to Long Island so he has to load the flowers into his car. Howard told Laura to keep them because he doesn't want to shlep them out there. Howard said he hates flowers. Benjy said it's just a gesture. Howard said it's a waste of Benjy's money and a waste of his time. Howard said don't send him anything. He said it's sad looking at flowers that are dying. He said he ends up talking to them and he doesn't like it.
Howard said he doesn't like Benjy or the flowers. Howard said that people wrote in about how bad he was yesterday. Howard said people did not like it. Howard said he didn't get one positive. Fred said there was one. Just one. Howard read some of the feedback about Benjy and he had the one that was positive. Howard said that people want Shuli to shut up about Benjy too.
Howard read more of the feedback about Benjy and his shtick. Howard said he and Ronnie were talking about Benjy in the car. He said Ronnie was laughing at him for going home and crying every day.
Howard said that he really shouldn't send him flowers. He said it's just a waste. He said he doesn't want to lug them out to Long Island. Howard said he doesn't want to load them in the car. Howard said Gary came in the other day talking about how he gave him a DVD from a neighbor. Howard said he had to take home his neighbor's garbage. Howard said just send it to his apartment. Howard said Gary finds things for him to do. Gary said he has something else to send to his house. Howard told him to talk to his assistant Laura.
Howard said that Gary was telling him about this DVD his neighbor gave him for the movie ''Watermelon Man.'' Howard said he talked about it a million years ago. He said leave him alone about it. Howard said if Gary has something to ask him he can talk to him there. Gary said he can't email him. Howard said he can wait until the meetings on Tuesday to ask him about that stuff.
Robin wondered if Gary gets upset when he has to give stuff to Howard. Howard said he doesn't. He said he asks him about it all the time. Howard said Gary isn't qualified to be a secretary never mind being an Executive Producer. Howard played a song parody where Gary sings about taking his Christmas card home with him. Robin said maybe that's why she didn't get Gary's card this year because he didn't give it to her to take home.
Robin said she wonders what Eron will do now. Robin said she wants to know if he believed anything Riley said. Howard said maybe they can ask him about that. Robin said she wants to know if he's going to take over for Riley now. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard said they were saying that there are still Symbols left that Riley has for sale. Howard said they are telling the fans that they can still get them. Howard said he loved Riley. He said there aren't many people he'd give a show to. He said it was Riley and Bubba.
Howard said he's going to do a tribute to Riley later. Robin asked how old he was. Howard said he thinks he was close to 70. He said he smoked and stuff. Howard said there's some mystery around his death. He said that's why they were asked not to say anything.
Howard picked up on Gary the Conqueror said that he went to California for Christmas. Howard said Gary lives in Oregon. Gary said he went to California for a week. He said he was in Sacramento. He said Shuli sent him the hotline number.
Howard said Gary's dad died recently. Gary said he did. Howard found out he went to visit his family. Howard said he has a sister. He asked if she's retarded like him. Gary said he's not retarded. He said he's famous. Howard said it doesn't matter. Howard asked what 3+3 is. Gary said 4. Howard said whatever he is he doesn't know what 3+3 is.
Howard said Gary went to California and someone told him the hotline number. Then he had to get through. Gary said someone from New York called him and told him. He said that Shuli called him. Howard said Shuli called to ask what his favorite bit of 2015 was. Howard said Gary said something that blew his mind. He played a clip of Gary saying that it was the ISIS Hotline. Howard asked Gary if he knows what that is. Gary said Shuli told him that's what it was. Shuli said he just read off some stuff for suggestions. Howard said he didn't tell him that. Howard said Gary doesn't know ISIS Hotline. Howard said he finally got to the bottom of this. Howard said it's something that he shouldn't be wasting his time on.
Howard asked Gary why he called their hotline so much. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard said he's been calling every minute to get on. Howard said he wanted to wish him a happy new year. Gary did that. Howard said Gary was born on Leap Year so he only has a birthday every 4 years. Robin said everything about him is retarded.
Shuli said he didn't give him the hotline number. Howard said that Gary claims to be Gary the Conqueror. Howard said he has someone else on the phone claiming to be Gary the Conqueror. Howard picked up on a guy who does a Gary impersonation. He had the two of them talking over each other. Howard tried to ask what 2+2 is. He got the answer of 2 from one of the guys. He got 40 from the other. Howard said he has to let them both go. Howard said he has dueling retards there. Howard wished Gary a happy new year. Howard said that went nowhere. He said there was so much confusion there. Howard said Gary no longer thinks of himself as retarded. That's great for him. Howard said he used to fight with him to say he was retarded. Howard said good for him. He said he's Gary the Conqueror.
Howard said he thinks he has to take a break before getting to Riley's tribute. Howard said he has a new phony phone call that they used to call into a radio show too. Robin said someone asked her how many Wack Packers will die in the next 5 years. Howard said they're dropping like flies. Howard said they're all dying off. He said they had a staff meeting yesterday and they were taking about that. Howard said they are aborting a lot of their ''different'' people. He said they might have to move the show to a third world country to find more.
Howard said it is depressing that the Wack Packers are dying. He said it was sad that Riley went. He said he doesn't know what got Riley. Howard said they've asked Beetlejuice and Nicole Bass to have a baby together to find a new Wack Packer. Robin asked how this baby is being made. Howard said in the old fashioned way. Howard said that they're going to do it Dwarfy Style and see what comes out of that vagina. Howard tried to create something with Fred but Fred wasn't finding the Beetlejuice clips that Howard hoped he would. He gave up and went to break.
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Howard said the first time he met Riley he was brought there by someone who was trying to do something with Riley. He played Riley's theme song and said that he didn't sound quite right in the past year or so. Howard said that he's not sure what did him in. He said the family hasn't announced any of that.
Howard said Riley hated what he was making salary wise there. Howard said that he thought that he was the second most listened to thing on Sirius and he should be making more money. Howard said he told him he could move on to another place if he wanted to.
Gary came in and said that Jim McClure told him that when they told Riley what he was going to be paid he was disappointed. He said that he really thought that he was going to get about 1 percent of what Howard was making. He couldn't believe that he wasn't profit sharing with him. Howard said that they thought it was good for Riley to promote his products.
Howard said he has some audio of Riley complaining about him way back in July 1996. Howard played the clip and Riley was complaining about not being paid to drive up there to the station. He said he can't even get gas money out of them.
Howard said that was before they even gave him a show. Howard said that was just him coming up to visit. Howard said many times the main theme was that he was too cheap with him and he called him a ''suckamuckagus'' once. Howard played that clip too.
Howard said that some of Riley's best stuff was when he complained about his salary. Howard played a clip of Riley complaining at an event he was at. Riley was going off on them for not paying him more.
Howard said back in 1999 Riley had gotten into trouble with the law and he came on the air to complain about them not giving him money for a lawyer. Howard played that clip where Riley said that they can't get him a lawyer for a few bucks.
Howard said Riley really had it in for them. Robin said she was reading that Riley went to a rehabilitation facility. Howard said information is coming in drips and drabs.
Howard said back in 1996 they asked Riley if he smokes weed. Howard played that clip and Riley said he does of course. He said that's an asinine question.
Howard said he once asked Riley how he'd like to go out when he dies and he said he'd like to go out having sex. Howard played a clip of Riley talking about that in a Voicemail message. Riley asked them to go to his house and aim their gun at the young lady who is sitting on his dick. Riley said he wants to die fucking.
Howard said that voice he had was fun to do. He and Fred did their impressions of Riley. Howard said that there are no more Riley's in the world. Howard said that Riley has talked about doing bare knuckle fighting and things like that. Howard said someone just reported that they saw Riley in Area 51. Robin said he died in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Howard said Riley has said that he will see us all again sometime. Howard said some people really liked the lighter moments on his show. Howard played a Riley Martin Show clip where Riley was talking about Thanksgiving and carving up the turkey.
Howard said that usually people get better the longer they're on the air. Howard said Riley got worse and worse as he went along. Howard said one time he puked on air. Howard played a clip where Riley had to stop the show to puke. He tried to go to break but he couldn't hold it in. Riley let out a big puke and they went to break.
Howard played a song parody about Riley and said a final O-Qua Tangin Wann. Howard said he's not sure how Riley's wife is doing. Howard said they did meet her. Howard said that they knew Eron too.
Howard said if they're going to do a proper tribute they have to bring up some of the prank calls they made. Howard said they called Riley at home as an alien one time. Howard said Riley knew they were fucking with him. Howard played that prank call that Richard and Sal made to Riley as an alien. Riley called them out on it immediately. He said it was bullshit. He said he knew who they are and what they are. He said they are wasting his time. He was telling them what was going to happen to them and Sal and Richard kept going with the alien thing.
Howard said you would have thought he would live forever. Howard said they didn't let up. Howard played a prank call the guys had Wendy the Slow Adult make to Riley as an alien from a retarded planet. Howard was cracking up hearing that one again. Riley said they were fucking with something that was greater than they know. Riley told them to go away. They called back with Wood Yi playing a gay alien.
Howard said Riley knew that it wasn't a real alien. Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was cutting out. Howard told the caller to go ahead and ruin the show. The caller was trying to ask a question but his phone was cutting out so Howard said ''fuck you'' and hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who asked what Howard's favorite Riley moment was. Howard said he loved all of the songs. He played some examples of the song parodies. Howard said one of his favorite moments was when they would send Riley names for shout outs and he's read them. He said that they'd send him ridiculous names and he'd read them all thinking that the fans were real. Howard played a clip of some of the names he read like Anita Handjob and Lou Stool. They read a bunch of other crazy names that the guys sent in.
Howard said they knew they could get those names on as long as they were buying symbols. Howard said goodbye to Riley. He said we love you. He said we will miss him too. Howard said they had so many great moments with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Riley did have a deep hatred for Howard. He said that he used to call his show all the time and he couldn't make him mad no matter how hard he tried. His phone dropped out for a second. Howard said he lost his connection after that. Howard said it's amazing how bad the phones are these days. Howard said he's amazed when he calls someone and he can hear them. Howard said he called his mom from Florida and it was like she was in the room. Howard said he gets there and the fucking phone calls one is worse than the next. Howard said this is such a cool eulogy and then it comes to a screeching halt when he goes to the phones. Howard said their show is second rate. He said that he hears other talk stations and they're able to do it. Howard said someone must be sabotaging them. Howard said it's like someone is giving them a speed bump to hit because the show is just too easy.
Howard said he loved taking Riley's voice and making phony phone calls. Howard said that they'd just call random people and they got one guy to fight with the audio clips. Howard played one phony phone call where they had Riley asking for Shuli and getting upset. That upset the guy on the phone who called him an asshole son of a bitch. They had Riley calling him names and upsetting him even more. Howard said the name Shuli is just funny on its own. Howard said it's funny that they have a guy named Shuli on the show. Howard played more of the call where they were upsetting this guy with the Riley clips.
Howard played a Riley song parody. He took another call from a guy who was taking a hit off his bong. It was this guy Chris who has called in before. Chris said he called into Riley's show almost every time. He said he misses the guy. He said one of his favorite bits was when he went to the shrink on the air. Howard said that Riley was always up for a good time. Robin said she loved when they pranked him and had a guy coming on to him. Howard said Riley didn't like that.
Howard said they took Riley's voice and had him call people with the shout out names that he'd use. Howard said they had him saying all kinds of names to one guy they called. Howard played a clip of that where Riley says hello to various people and the guy on the other end is saying ''no'' to each name. They keep going with the Riley clips and the guy keeps saying no to the names until Riley gets it right. Then the guy says yes and Riley keeps going with different names.
Howard played another Riley song parody. He said they'll do an O-Qua Tangin Wann one more time. Howard let that song parody play through. He said there are so many great moments that he can't get to.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he's wearing a Riley headband today in tribute to him. Howard said no he's not. Jeff said he really is. Howard said Jeff is probably next. Howard said he has a doctor coming in today. He said he has to ask Dr. Agus about Jeff's cough.
Howard took a call from Riley Martin who was calling in from heaven. It was the guys playing clips of Riley asking for money. Howard had a conversation with the clips for a short time.
Howard said he thinks Jeff will be the next one to go. Howard said there has to be something going on with his voice. Jeff asked if he will be calling in after he dies. Howard said he will. He said he should record some clips in preparation for that. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Howard said they used to call Riley to test him off the air. He said the calls were kind of fun. Howard had some clips to play. Howard played one where Riley was asked questions on the air about the aliens he claimed to know. In one clip he said their life expectancy is 3000 year sand then it was 20,000 in another clip. Howard had a few examples of Riley changing his story.
Robin said she remembers when they asked Riley to sing happy birthday. Howard said that was good too. Howard said Riley was one of the few people he'd give a show to there. Howard played a clip where Riley's story didn't change over the years.
Howard said he did fear the worst for Riley over the past few months. He said he didn't sound good. Howard said they don't make them like him anymore. He said they broke the mold. Howard said that he's sorry to hear the news. He said that to Eron and Riley's family. He thanked Riley for all the years of fun and entertainment. He went to break after that.
Howard said they really are running out of Wack Packers. Howard said retarded people aren't calling in. He said all they have is Wendy and Gary. Howard said that they have Nicole who is kind of freaky. Nicole said she's not freaky. Howard asked if Nicole ever menstruated. She said she did. Nicole said if she had a baby it wouldn't have been a Wack Packer. Howard said it would have been. Nicole said the baby would have been beautiful. Nicole said she actually did get pregnant once. She said that she lost it. She said it was her husband who got her pregnant. She said it's not like there is a shortage of men out there.
Howard said that her husband died right after fucking her. Nicole said he had a heart condition. Nicole said they made love and he was watching TV. She said he died from a heart attack while watching TV. Howard said that's the way to go. Fucking Nicole and then dying. Howard said that he was a nice guy actually. Howard let Nicole go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims to have the best phone connection. It was a bunch of noises and a guy trying to speak so it was just a goof.
Gary said every year they put up a tip board at the garage. He said he tries to get it in early. He said not everyone tips and then things get weird. Howard said the story is that Scott doesn't tip when he gets his car or at Christmas. Howard said somehow his car isn't dinged up. Howard said Scott used to park there but then he found a cheaper parking lot. Then they went up and he had to come back and had to beg to come back at the cheaper rate.
Scott came in and said that he gives a buck tip every day. He swears. Howard said he kind of gets it. Howard said it's a fortune to park a month. He said the owner is probably a multi millionaire and he should be paying them. Howard said he should charge more and not take tips.
Gary said they have a board of shame and on the board it says ''Where's Scott Salem?'' Scott said he didn't give a Christmas tip this year because he wasn't parking there. He said he does tip every day though. He said he will give something next Christmas.
Howard said that Scott started a fake Twitter account to say nice things about him. Howard said that they saw that someone was doing that and it turns out it was Scott so he can compliment himself. Scott said it was just a joke. Howard said he named himself Bailey the Bedbug. Howard said he pitched a bit he had in a writer's meeting and the guys thought it was so unfunny but they told him to produce it. Howard said it turns out Scott went apeshit over that. Howard said that he set up the Twitter account and talking about how funny the bit is. Howard said only Scott would know that. Howard asked if he really thought the bit was funny. Scott said he did.
Howard played the bit that Scott did where his voice was changed and he was a bedbug complaining about Howard not talking about him since the whole Ebola thing came out. Howard said no one is laughing at this. Howard said that he pitched this for years. Scott said it was like a month. Sal came in and told Howard how long he pitched it and when it was pitched. Howard said that Scott goes out and creates the Twitter account. He said he wondered why he picked that name. Then they remembered the bit that he pitched. Howard said that he thought that bit was going to take off. Howard asked if he has written a bit since then. Scott said he has not. He said he did write that bit though. Howard said they could tell he did the voice because his accent is in it.
Howard said that Scott even tweeted as Bailey the Bedbug wishing himself a happy birthday. Scott said JD wished him a happy birthday too. Gary said Bailey tweeted Matthew Berry for fantasy football advice too.
Sal said Scott gave him a ride home in his car once and he had no hubcaps. He said ''welcome to my limo.'' Howard said that's pretty funny.
Sal said that the parking garage guys used to call Gary cheap. He said he has tape of them saying it. Gary said he used to tip even more back then. Howard played the clip Sal had where the parking garage guy said that Gary is so cheap and he pretends to be on the phone and gets in his car instead of tipping. The guy said he tips maybe a dollar at the most. Howard and Sal goofed on Scott for a short time about his shitty bit. Howard did his Scott impression and goofed on the Bailey the Bedbug thing.
Howard said Scott should buckle down and make a new bit to prove everyone wrong. Scott said he's got nothing. Howard said that he comes in on the writing meetings though. He said he saw him in there yesterday. He said he wondered why he was there. Howard asked if he's going to write anything. Scott said he contributes but doesn't write bits. Howard asked if he punches up bits like Jackie.
Gary said Will told him that they'll be on a roll with pitching a bit and Scott will say something and then the room comes to a screeching halt.
Howard said they took Scott's voice and called someone using those clips. Sal said if Scott was dead he'd still be funnier than he is now. Howard played the call that the guys made using Scott clips. They had him talking about who he is and the woman had no idea who he was. They had Scott talking about how attractive he finds the host of this show they called into.
Howard said that everyone kind of thinks they can do a radio show. Howard said no one has a personality. Howard said they were able to get through because no one is calling. Howard said that they could call in as Bailey the Bedbug. Howard played some of Scott's bit again. Howard said that he's not annoying at all. Howard said the delivery is amazing. He said Scott can't believe that it was rejected. Scott said that Howard has said just throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. Sal said he's throwing shit alright. He said it must be diarrhea because it's not sticking. Howard and Fred did their Scott impressions and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard said that now Bailey the Bedbug has 22 followers on Twitter. Howard asked if Scott is in every writing meeting. Sal said he does. Howard asked what he does. Sal said he does nothing like he's doing now. He said that it's his way of figuring out how to do nothing. He said Scott had a calendar idea. Scott said that didn't go anywhere. He said he had some ideas for other things too. Howard and Fred were making up more Twitter names that Scott can use. Sal said it's great that all of his friends are parasites.
Howard asked if Scott has any good ideas at all. Will Murray said that he's fun to have in there because they can all laugh at him. He said his material is so awful that it makes the rest of them feel better. Sal said that a mime could pitch better than Scott.
Howard asked if they wait until the end of the meeting to pitch. Will said there is no real order to it. He said Scott will throw stuff out at random times. Howard asked if they write down anything. Will said they write it down and then crumple the paper up and throw it at Scott.
Howard played the Bailey the Bedbug thing again. Scott said it's a great bit. Will said it took Scott 3 days to produce that bit. Howard played it again and picked it apart trying to figure out what it was. Howard said as long as they have the author there they'll pick it apart. Howard played the clip and the Bedbug was being pushed aside to talk about Ebola. Howard said the bedbug is saying that he's more relevant to America since Ebola is in Africa. Howard was analyzing the whole thing and Scott was talking about how the bedbugs are back in the city. Howard said he's not sure why it was rejected. He said there's not a moment that isn't bad.
Howard took a call from Bailey the Bedbug. It was someone in the back doing the bit. Sal said that was definitely Scott because that bit sucked too.
Will said Scott pitched a bit where it was an E-bowler thing. It was for a guest bowler to come in. Howard said that he's going to put Scott in charge of a whole show one day. He said he has to produce all of the funny bits and all of that. Sal said they could give him a week to prepare. Howard said he was thinking the end of the year.
Howard said Scott has a dog barking in the bit and you can't hear him speaking. Scott said it was a little loud. Howard said that he does thank him for trying. He said that he should record another Bailey the Bedbug bit. Howard said he wants another one. Howard asked if he can do one by Monday. Scott said he doesn't know about that. Robin said that he has to come up with a premise. Scott said Wednesday of next week might be better.
Howard said that he has to ask Dr. Agus about Scott's cough too. He said he was smoking again. Scott said he quit like 8 months ago. Gary said he's doing a lot of vaping. Scott said they're E-cigs. Howard said he should ask Dr. Agus if that's bad for his COPD. Scott said he's sure it is. Howard said Dr. Agus wrote two books and he sent them out as gifts at Christmas. Howard said this guy knows his stuff. Howard said sometimes he'll just make shit up if he doesn't know it. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Sal said that Riley died just in time so he didn't have to hear that awful bit. Scott said the more he hears it the more he hates it. Howard asked what part of it he thought was good. Scott said he must have been in a bad mood one day. Howard said he's sure that he had a web site made up too. Scott said he didn't do that.
Howard did more of his Scott impression and goofed on Scott for trying to trademark that Bailey the Bedbug thing. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Dr. David Agus is there. Howard said he wrote a new book called ''The Lucky Years: How to Thrive in the Brave New World of Health''. Howard asked how long it took to write the book. Dr. Agus said 2 years. Howard said he likes that he keeps things simple. He said it's good for him. He said that he gave his book out for Christmas.
Howard said he saved Robin's life and saved his life too. Howard said he was having wonky blood tests and he was freaking out for about a year. Howard asked how many calls he gets every day. Dr. Agus said it's a privilege to help people. Howard said he must get hit up a lot. Howard said he called because he was desperate. Howard said he was told to get a mercury test and he was right. Howard asked how he knew to test him for that. Dr. Agus said that his symptoms pointed to one thing and that's what made him think it was the mercury. Howard said he was eating fish every minute and his mercury level was really high. Howard said he waited 3 months like Dr. Agus told him to and things were normal. Howard said if he kept eating fish it might have killed him. Dr. Agus said that they found it early and he's back to where he was. Howard said he thought he was going to drop dead or turn into Mercury Man.
Howard said Dr. Agus is like the official doctor for the CBS Morning show. Dr. Agus said he was asked to go on one of their shows after going to a small town in Switzerland. He said they talk about health and economics all over the world. Howard asked if flying reduces your life. Dr. Agus said there is radiation and things up there. He said that you have to weigh every decision. He said he tries to limit his flying.
Howard said he says driving a car is a very good idea because it keeps dementia away. Dr. Agus said that being able to do something like that and having a pattern recognition helps. He said it stimulates the brain. Howard said that it involves so many facets of the brain. Dr. Agus said it's increased connections. He said that driving is a good thing. He said the autonomous cars aren't going to be a good thing. He said we don't want to become robots. Howard said it might stop accidents though. Dr. Agus said it might be good when you're not in the condition to drive. He said the chance of an accident is very small.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about Scot the Engineer who has COPD. Howard said he's smoking E-cigs. He asked if that's good or bad. Dr. Agus said no smoking is the best. He said that E-cigs are giving you something. He said they put it in solutions that might not be good for the lungs. He said that when you exhale then it spreads to other people too. He said we should get away from that stuff. He said that they're not regulated and anyone can sell them. He said you can buy a can of solution and anyone can use it. He said they make it in flavors that kids like and he's a fan of neither.
Howard said Dr. Agus is married to Maury Povich's daughter Amy. Howard said she's very attractive. Howard said Dr. Agus says that touch is something that makes you stay young. Howard said that Scott is at a disadvantage then. Howard said that people need touch to stay young. Howard said Amy is Dr. Agus' touch. Howard asked how Maury is as a father in law. Dr. Agus said he's great. He said Connie Chung is his mother in law too. He said she's great as well. He said he's close with the whole family. He said he'll have to see what happens after today being on Howard's show.
Howard asked how much alcohol is the best to drink during the week. Dr. Agus said that you should take a couple of days off from drinking. Howard said he has one glass of wine a night on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Dr. Agus said that's perfect.
Howard said Dr. Agus also says that sleep is the secret to a good life. He said it's best to stay on a schedule. Dr. Agus said that your body can be stressed if you don't get enough sleep. Dr. Agus said that getting the same amount every night is the best. He said it doesn't matter how long it is as long as it's the same every night.
Benjy asked if he can ask a question about sleep. He asked if it's best to vary the wake up time or the time to go to bed. Dr. Agus said that's a tough one to answer. He said that as long as you go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time it seems to be the best.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about Richard Christy who coughs into his shirt and blows his nose into it. Howard asked if that's dangerous to the co-workers. Dr. Agus said that you have to look at the root cause of his coughing and all of that.
Howard asked about JD who didn't wash his sheets for a year. He asked what it's like when you don't wash your sheets for a year. Dr. Agus said that is not a good thing. He said there's a thing called a Laundromat that's great.
Howard said that Ronnie hasn't gotten a colonoscopy and he's over 60 now. Howard said that's not a good thing. Dr. Agus said that it can eliminate colon cancer. He said that it will go away. He said that in the future there will be a blood test to find polyps in there and they will be able to go in and remove them. He said the test should be out in the next year. Howard asked if he invented that. Dr. Agus said he was part of that. Howard said he has helped do a lot of things and invent things. Howard said he's amazing.
Howard asked if Dr. Agus is a genius. Dr. Agus said he's a good observer but not a good test taker. Dr. Agus said he is fascinated with what he does. Robin said the thing that makes him different is that he sees the whole patient but not just the thing he's looking at.
Howard said that Dr. Agus thinks that they'll be able to cure cancer at some point. Dr. Agus said that Steve Jobs is a good example. He said they can sequence cancer cells and figure out how to treat them. He said they're working on other things that can help block cancers. Howard said he tries to take aspirin but it bothers his stomach. Howard asked if that's something normal. Dr. Agus said that in some people it does irritate them. He said if you can't take it then you don't take it. He said there are other things he can take that do the same.
Howard said he has a friend who has stage 4 melanoma so is he a goner. Dr. Agus said that Jimmy Carter had stage 4 melanoma and he was able to get over it. Howard asked if he takes patients on. Dr. Agus said yes of course. Howard said he was Steve Jobs' doctor. Howard asked why he wasn't able to save Steve. Dr. Agus said that they kept him alive for about 5 years. He said cancer gets stronger and stronger. He said it's the devil. Dr. Agus said that Steve bought him a sweater and told him to wear black and white because people will pay attention to him and not what he's wearing in that case. Dr. Agus said it's a lot easier to wear the same thing every day. Howard said Dr. Agus has kept Sumner Redstone alive. Dr. Agus said that Sumner scared the cancer away.
Howard said that Ronnie should get a Colonoscopy. Howard said he had one other thing about Gary. Howard said Gary hates vegetables and is it okay to drink vegetable juice. Dr. Agus said we are engineered to eat that. He said that it's probably better to eat it though. He said that he should just get over it.
Howard said Dr. Agus says that diet books are bullshit. Howard said that not everyone is allergic to gluten. Howard said that he eats tones of it. Dr. Agus said that they found this person who discovered the gluten diet. He said that they found that it's a lot of psychological stuff. He said if you're on a fad diet then you focus on the diet and that's a good thing.
Howard said he read Dr. Agus' book ''The Lucky Years: How to Thrive in the Brave New World of Health''. He said Robin didn't read it. Robin said she didn't get a copy. Dr. Agus said he sent her a copy. Robin said she has to check her mail then. Howard said that Dr. Agus' book is available everywhere. Howard said this guy knows something. He said he went to University of Pennsylvania.
Dr. Agus said that he got a great Voicemail from Howard about Robin. He said that he asked for his help to save Robin and it was one of the most special moments for him. Howard thanked him for responding to his phone call.
Howard said that he has a list of 12 things that can help you. He said that he says share more cuddling. Howard said that he has cut back on vitamins. Howard said Dr. Agus told him to cut back on Vitamin D. Howard said he did that. Robin asked what's going on with that. Dr. Agus said they say that a lot of people are low on Vitamin D but it doesn't show that it's good to give people more of it. He said that it's a surrogate for inflammation. He said when we tan we block vitamin D. He said that's what tanning is all about.
Gary came in and said that Sal was taking this bag of stuff every morning. He said that something happened to his kidney so he had to stop. Gary had a bag full of vitamins. Dr. Agus said that we weren't meant to eat pills. He said we were built to forage for food.
Howard said that Dr. Agus tells us to stay away from people who stress you out. Howard said that you feel like you can save them or something. Howard asked what Dr. Agus does if he finds someone like that. Dr. Agus said that you just have to move on. He said it's not worth the stress. He said just move on and go elsewhere.
Howard asked Dr. Agus why he says to throw out your alarm clock. Dr. Agus said that you will wake up whenever you need to. Howard said he needs his for security purposes. Howard said when he has a weekend he gets up around the same time. Dr. Agus said just listen to your body.
Howard asked about how much exercise we need. Dr. Agus said if you put in some time every day you will live for years longer. Howard said he sits around all the time. Dr. Agus said that you can pace back and forth. He said it's just good to get up and move.
Howard asked about women who are injecting Botox in their faces. Dr. Agus said there are a lot of ways to look better and younger. He said that you have to ask how you look today or ask if you want to play with your grandchildren. He said he's not a fan of Botox.
Robin asked if there is a way to live longer. Dr. Agus said there is. Howard asked if it's blow jobs. Dr. Agus said that's it. Howard asked what it really is. Dr. Agus said in the 1950s there was an experiment done by a woman who took an old rat and a young rat and they connected the two. She said that she thinks they reversed aging by connecting the two. Dr. Agus said that they did the same test recently and they found it works. He said your stem cells go to rest at the age of 25 or so and they can be turned back on. He said you can get a shot and turn them back on. He said this will be an option some day. He said that you want to live into your 80s still with a quality of life. Howard told Gary to sew Memet to his back.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if there is some big thing breaking that he knows that we don't. Dr. Agus said there was a study done around airports in Europe and they found that you need quiet time at night. He said that he wears earplugs at night to get that quiet. Howard said he needs quality sleep too. He said his bulldog used to snore and he had to kick her out of the room at night.
Howard said he's 61 now and he wonders when he's going to stop beating off. Dr. Agus said he's not sure how to answer that.
Howard said he has to thank him for helping Robin and for helping him. Howard said he did have a problem. He said that he told him to get the mercury test. He said he was getting depressed going to the doctor every week. He said he's happy now that he's not going there. Dr. Agus said that it will interfere with his masturbation schedule if he keeps going.
Howard gave Dr. Agus another plug for his book ''The Lucky Years: How to Thrive in the Brave New World of Health'' and told Benjy to read it. Howard said Benjy goes home and cries every day. He said he wants to sleep and he's depressed. Howard said he told him to just get regular sleep. Howard said he told him that he should just go home and not worry about sleep. He said just come to work, go home and then come to work even if you don't sleep. He said eventually you'll fall asleep. He said don't go on medications. Dr. Agus agreed with Howard about that. Dr. Agus said that watching TV stimulates you and if you ended to watch TV at night wear glasses that filter out yellow and blue light. Robin said maybe that's what Benjy needs.
Benjy asked if people are programmed to be late night or early morning people. Dr. Agus said he thinks that's brought on by yourself.
Howard said he's going to let Dr. Agus go before it gets weird in there. Dr. Agus said he hopes that this book makes it. He said this is the big one. Howard said it's a great book and you should get it and read it. Howard said that Dr. Drew is very jealous now. He said he's stealing his thunder. They went to break after that. They played Joe Walsh performing ''All Night Long'' and some song parodies and bits as they were going to break.
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Howard wasn't able to follow her story. Robin had to fill him in. Howard didn't know which guy died or what was going on. The caller said that her husband's other brother died of pancreatic cancer and they did the same thing.
Howard said the show was able to make them all happy. He said that he wants to make an announcement to the press. Howard said he thinks what Laura is saying is that the show is helping to heal people. Laura said that her husband has been a listener for over 20 years. Howard said that if her husband starts playing clips for her then she should run to the doctor.
Laura asked if her husband can come in and sit in the studio. Howard said she ruined it. Howard said he thought it was sincere but she ruined it. Laura said that her husband thinks that Howard is a god. Howard said he has to talk to Robin now. Howard said he doesn't want anyone sitting in the studio. Howard said he will look like a shit though. Howard said he can give the husband a Flat Ronnie. Howard said he should have hung up on this woman 10 minutes ago. He said that on one hand her husband is a big fan. He said he helped the brothers. Howard asked how far they live. She said they're in California. Howard asked how often they get to New York. She said they've never been. Robin said New York is closed right now.
Howard asked why they would risk coming there. He said this is ground zero for terrorists. Laura said that it's because her husband is such a big fan. Howard said there are homeless people there who panhandle too. Howard said that everyone is going to call asking for a tour. Howard said he can't do it. Robin said this is terrible. Howard said if you feed a pigeon then more will come. Howard said he's going to leave it up to Robin. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred didn't know. Gary said that he thinks Howard should say no. He said that they have to have a blanket thing for this.
Fred asked if she can't just give her husband a blow job. She said she might have to do that. Howard said if she was a real fan she'd know that he wouldn't like something like this. She said that it's her idea and not her husband's. Howard said that this is theater of the mind and meeting the Wizard of Oz isn't so great. Laura kept saying that he gave so much of his life for his brothers. Howard said she should be on Queen for a Day. She said she just wants her husband to have one happy day. Howard asked if she ever gave him anal. She said she did once. Howard said she should do that then. Gary said they get a lot of requests and they just can't do it. She said they'd donate to the North Shore Animal League. Gary said they get that too. He asked if the Wrap Up Show means anything to her. Laura said no. Everyone laughed.
Howard said thanks to Gary for taking the hit on that. Howard said he can't blame her for turning down the Wrap Up Show. Howard said her husband doesn't want to look at ''Jan Hein'' all day. Laura said that her husband will just be a fly on the wall. Howard said he'll notice that though. Howard said it's a pain in the ass.
Benjy asked if any part of him wants to do this. Howard said no. He said it's all about the public and what they'll think. Howard said if they were in a vacuum he'd just say no. Howard said the husband isn't asking for this. Howard said he thinks that he's doing wrong. He said his psychiatrist would tell him to hang up on her. Howard said he had nothing to do with what was going on in this guy's life and he owes them nothing. Howard said that he gets neurotic about the whole thing and what he'll think about the audience. Robin said that Dr. Agus told him to let people who annoy him go. Howard said he is totally irritated that it's gone on this long. Howard said Ronnie is back there yelling at him to hang up on her.
Howard had Ronnie come in. Howard said he has to talk to him. Ronnie came in and said he's not trying to be nasty but there are soldiers who come back from Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan and other places who want to come in. He said they can't have them all in. He said if they do it for one then he'll be the bad guy next week for saying no to someone else. Gary said they have turned down a lot of more significant requests off the air. He said it's just because she's on the air. Ronnie said he hates that she's sniffling too. Laura said she cries when she gets nervous. Howard said they've turned down veterans on Veteran's Day.
Ronnie said he'll come over and press the button if he wants him to. Howard said maybe if he just lets her and no one else come in. Ronnie said that's not right. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. Fred asked why she's any better than any other listener. Ronnie said he's not even calling. Laura said her husband is great and he's going to love it. She said she knows he'll love it. Howard said he's weak right now. He said he thinks he's going to let her do it.
Ronnie said he'll come over and press the button right now. Howard said that's just as bad as doing it himself. Gary said they were at his house this summer and they were talking about how he has to learn to say no. Howard said he does that with games. Gary said it's okay to say no. He said this woman is pressuring him. He said that if she loves the show she should let him off the hook. Robin said it's not her, it's the husband who loves the show.
Benjy said he should role play it and figure it out. Howard said he should just jump out a window. Robin said the story is amazing and she knows she wants to give her something special but they can't make this exception. Benjy said that's mean. Robin said the story is amazing and she's happy that they got satisfaction and joy from it and that's why they're there but they can't make that exception. Laura kept asking for him and no one else. Robin kept saying no.
Howard was about to let her go but Laura kept asking to come in. Howard said his psychiatrist is on the phone now. Howard took the call and it was Sal telling him to hang up on this skank. He said who cares about the dead brothers. He said if he continues to cater to her then he'll end up dead. Sal said she's done. Robin said no wonder he's not better.
Howard said he's going to invite her to the Wrap Up Show. He thought she had hung up. Howard said he has to think about it. Laura thanked him for that. Howard put her on hold. Howard said he will probably crack. Howard said Robin was good. Robin said she tried. She said Howard should have hung up. Howard said he should have. Ronnie said it's not fair. He said that the dead brother was a fan and he didn't get to come in.
Howard said it's time for news. He played her in with a song parody. Howard said they did a funny thing with Big Foot. He said he says ''It is'' all the time. Howard said that they tried to find songs that end in ''It'' and had him sing along with them. He said when he hears ''it'' he has to say ''it is'' so he did that with every song. Howard played some audio of him singing along and doing the ''it is'' thing. He said he's not sure weight that is but it's some kind of compulsion. Howard said it's hard to find songs that end in ''it.'' he said there are only a couple. Howard played a couple more examples of Big Foot singing ''Whip It'' and songs like that. Howard said that's great.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked them to lighten up on Scott. He said the two handed bowler guy is a good guy. Howard said he's just not the kind of guest they'd have on. Howard said it's sort of limited to Scott's interests. The caller said that this dude is cool. Howard said they get it. Howard hung up on him.
Howard asked what's in the news. Robin asked if Howard has seen what's happening to Amy Schumer. Robin said she was at the White House when he made his announcement about the gun control thing. Robin said she was asked to come because some shootings happened at a showing of her movie ''Trainwreck.'' Howard said he thinks he backed a winner with her. Robin said she's also best friends with Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he saw that too. Robin said they wrote a movie together. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said they backed Amy and she still owes them. Howard said good for her. Robin said she's incredibly talented. Howard said they feel like they were instrumental in her career.
Howard said he spoke to Louis C.K. too. Howard said when he saw Amy there he had to go to the UN. Robin said that Louis has inked a deal to work with Albert Brooks to create an animated project. Howard said he guarantees that will be good. Howard said that Albert Brooks is really funny. Howard said the idea of them working together sounds cool.
Robin read a story about the bedbug problem in the city and how a woman was covered in bites at a hotel in New York city. Howard said that he wants them to bring back DDT.
Robin read a story about Donald Fagan from Steely Dan being busted for allegedly shoving his wife against the wall and then to the ground. Robin read the details of that story and the wife is saying that she's divorcing him now.
Howard took a call from a guy who rambling a bit so Howard asked what the question is. The caller asked what the contingency plan is if Howard dies in the next 5 years. Howard said there is no plan. He said that it'll be Richard and Sal taking over the show. He asked what kind of question that is. Howard said Sirius has said they'll keep his body in the studio.
Robin read a story about North Korea testing a hydrogen bomb. Howard said that scares him. He said ISIS is bad but this is worse. Howard said that little Korean guy has the hydrogen bomb. Howard said he can't think of worse news. Robin said China isn't happy about this news. Howard said he's not sure what we should do. Howard said South Korea has to be freaking out. Robin said that we've been sitting around waiting for it to happen and now it has. Robin asked why we let it happen. Howard said we could blow them off the planet. Howard said maybe we can all tweet and say they're not nice people. He said we can go all out with a hashtag campaign.
Robin read about the gun control laws that President Obama has put into effect with an executive order. Robin had some audio of him talking about that and breaking down while talking about the kids that have died. That led to them talking about the word Unalienable and Inalienable because Obama used Unalienable in his speech.
Howard said he loves watching video of guys shooting guns. He said he's not anti-gun. He said that he's sure people want more secure registration for guns. He said that's what we need. Howard said he's all for that. He said he's all for gun rights too. He said he's not looking to take away anyone's guns. Howard said these gun guys are so hard core they don't even want that. He said he loves the 44 Magnum. He said that's the Dirty Harry gun.
Robin said the President had tears rolling down his cheeks as he spoke. Howard said there are people on the terror watch that are allowed to purchase guns. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said he thinks it's reasonable that would get us toward a national background check. Howard said that we have to agree that it's a good idea.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about the gun control thing and how happy she is that Obama has done this. Howard played a song parody for Robin. Howard said that was Leo from Queens.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump talking about the gun control laws and how Obama isn't doing things the right way. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. Robin had some audio of a spokesperson for the NRA talking about the executive action on guns.
Robin read about how Trump has changed his tune on Ted Cruz. Robin said that he's the front runner in Iowa so Trump is turning up his volume on him. Robin said Cruz was born in Canada. Robin said that he's saying that could be a problem for him. Robin said back in September Trump dismissed it when he was asked about it. Robin had a clip for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how they might ban Trump from the UK. Robin said that there is a petition out there asking for the ban after he said some things about London being full of radical Muslims in some areas. Howard said imagine being banned by a whole country. Robin said Howard was banned by Texas. Howard said he never goes there so it wasn't a problem. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the police commissioner in New York City and he's talking about something called The Bill Cosby Effect. Robin said that there is an increase in the rape reports that are 30-40 years old.
Howard read some email about the Samuel L. Jackson interview and the Michael Caine phony phone call.
Robin read a story about a Cleric who was killed in Iran and they got very upset there and ransacked the Saudi Arabian embassy. Robin said they're looking to work things out now.
Howard said he got an email and Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser wrote him and told him he should be entertainer of the year over Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said that guy knows because he was on The Biggest Loser.
Robin read a story about oil prices being at an 11 year low. Robin said it's still suffering from a supply glut. Robin said that there will continue to be moderate gas prices as a result.
Robin read about Angela Merkel's office being closed because of a suspicious package. Howard played a song parody from their Charlie Sheen impersonator about his sex life being over.
Robin read a story about Walmart's beef patties being recalled. Howard said that sounds gross. Robin said they're pulling them because some of the beef patties might be contaminated with wood. Robin said that no injuries have been reported.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a Riley caller and he's home grieving. He said he used to call Riley about all kinds of things. Howard said this caller is the one clear phone caller of the morning. He said he'll keep him on the line because of that. The caller, Joe, said that he called Riley about many things and told Howard what some of them were. Howard let him go after a short time. Howard said they'll be remembering Riley on Sternthology all this week. Howard said hopefully they'll play the Hugh Jassole phony phone call.
Robin read about the consumer electronics show going on in Las Vegas this week. Howard said he thinks Gary wanted to go. Robin asked why he didn't this year. Howard said he reminded him he has a job. He said it doesn't do him any good to go. Robin had some audio of a guy from Engadget talking about some of the stuff they'll be seeing there this year. Robin had some other things that she read about being there like something called Oculus Rift. Robin said there's also a roll up TV screen. Robin said that way it doesn't dominate the room when you're watching TV. Howard said he likes a screen he can show off to friends. He said he watches everything on his iPad.
Robin read a story about Tom Coughlin resigning from the NY Giants. Robin had some audio of him talking about his resignation. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about Lumosity. Robin said that she used to watch a lot of TV on Hulu and they had a lot of commercials for that. Robin said it's games for your brain. Robin said the company has been fined 2 million dollars because there is no proof that the games can enhance the brain. Howard said that they make the opposite claims with this show. He said this show makes you stupider. Gary had to correct Robin on the pronunciation of Lumosity. Howard said that someone corrected her for saying something else wrong in the email. It was Robin saying Expresso instead of Espresso. Robin said she heard herself saying that. That led to Fred playing a bunch of George Takei clips where he was telling Howard how to pronounce some words. Robin said that she has the ad free Hulu stuff now and it's great. Gary said it's life changing. Howard said he likes recording shows and watching them on his TV. Gary said you don't even have to fast forward. Howard said that's the only exercise he gets.
Robin read a story about Star Wars becoming the biggest grossing movie of all time. Howard said JJ was really nervous about that. Howard said that he has to congratulate him on that. Howard said that he should congratulate Bob Iger for buying the franchise. Howard said that guy George Lucas is a weird dude. He said something critical about the movie after seeing it. He said they gave him 4 billion and they asked him to shut his trap. Howard said that he would have loved to have been in that meeting. Howard said he got an explanation about the Disney and The Hateful Eight thing. He said they say there was no deal and the theater said they were always showing Star Wars at that theater. Howard said they said they didn't break any deal. Howard said he's just putting both sides out there.
Howard said that news about Star Wars ensures they'll be seeing the next one. Robin said Avatar used to be the biggest grossing movie. Howard said he thinks that will bother James Cameron. Howard said he probably loved having the highest grossing film. Robin said they think that Star Wars will move to the box office chart faster than Avatar or Titanic. Robin said that Avatar took 47 days to get there. Robin said it took Star Wars just 20 days.
Robin read a story about the hover boards that were big gifts this season. Howard said there is a real hover board but these things aren't real hover boards. Robin said they're blowing up on people and catching fire. Howard said that's why he wants one. He's giving one to Benjy. Robin said the things are like a Segway with no handles. Howard said he saw some pecker heads in Florida riding them. Robin said a lot of places are trying to ban them. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said that came out of a conversation about tipping. He said that they have a board they put up there in the garage listing people who tip. He said what it does is guilt you into tipping. Jon said he tips them every year. He said he's very happy there but it does say ''Where is Scott Salem?'' on the board. He said they are fans of the show and they are busting balls. He said you want to give someone a tip for good service. He said the whole thing came out of that conversation. Jon said he thinks when you tip someone it shouldn't be required. He said that he'd rather be charged more and not have to tip. He said that way you don't feel pressure. He said that's what Howard suggested.
Rahsaan said that if you take away the tip at a restaurant maybe the services goes down. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said if someone is really good at their job he may tip them even more. He said he thinks that's what it's all about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about that lady who wanted to come to the show. He said he doesn't think that she should be allowed in there. He said that there are other people who deserve it more. He said his son lost limbs fighting over in the Middle East and he didn't call in asking for that. Jon said he thinks this caller understands the way the show works. The caller said a fan knows you don't do that. Jon said that if you ever do want to come in you don't want to ask. He said you let Howard grant it to you. Jon said that woman turned down the offer to come in and sit in on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said he wouldn't have even offered her that. He said if you open up that can of worms then everyone is going to want in.
Gary said they have a lot of people who are worth or more worthy of coming in. He said it's a terrible place to be to have to pick who is worthy. Gary said he's in a position of doing that. He said asking was okay but not letting Howard off the hook wasn't okay. Jon said Gary has to play bad cop in this situation. Gary said she put Howard on the spot. He said he's playing bad cop because Howard can't do it. He said he just can't do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it feels a lot like someone asking Howard to write a foreword to a book. He said that the woman was not a fan of the show. He said he thinks that the husband is going to be relieved that he won't be going into the studio because he might feel like a took going into the studio after that. Jon said the foreword is even worse though because you're already a friend. He said in this situation you should know better. Gary said Artie asked and Howard did it. He asked if the first person to ask gets a pass. Jon said yes. Gary said he thinks that Howard was touched by it at first but he didn't want to be the foreword guy after that.
Jon asked Gary if he would have asked Howard to write his foreword if Greg Fitzsimmons hadn't gone through what he went through. Gary said he probably would have.
Gary said he met Dr. Agus for the first time this morning. He said you expect him to have an attitude but he couldn't be more the opposite. Gary said Senator D'Amato was like that too. He said that Ralph said to him once that you get the feeling that Senator D'Amato would help you out if your cousin was arrested in Italy. He said he got the same feeling about Dr. Agus.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is today. Rahsaan said it's about asking if Laura and her husband should be allowed to come up to the studio or not. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Sal was breaking Gary's balls about the tipping thing. Gary asked how much Sal gave to Jon for tolls or anything like that. Jon said he's still waiting. Gary said tipping can get crazy. He ran down a list of people he tips around Christmas. Gary said you can't forget anyone because they remember.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Dr. Agus and said that Gary is his favorite of all time. He said what got his attention is that Dr. Agus is wearing the same clothing day in and day out. He said that Jon and Gary have been accused of doing that. He said it's been proven or demonstrated as a sign of high intelligence. Gary said if wearing the same outfit makes you live longer then the members of Run DMC are going to live a long time. Jon said you don't want to have a uniform but it does help identify you. He said that Jason Mantzoukas wears the same color shirt and pants all the time so he gets that. The guys talked about how Benjy sued to wear jeans, t-shirt and a blazer with a Yankee cap. He said he saw Darrell Hammond doing that and stole it from him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the stuff Howard talks about on the show ends up in their personal lives. Gary said he thinks it's a little of both. He said he can be in the supermarket and someone might bring up something. He said the person who might get the most shit from today's show is Sal about his E-cigs. Jon said that Sal over thinks this stuff and he heard he was asking about Dr. Agus' book today. He said Sal is always freaking out about this health. He said he's not sure if he got over his essential tremors.
Jon said he thinks that Dr. Agus did a great job today. He said he talks about stuff in an easy to understand way. Gary agreed and compared him to Neil deGrasse Tyson who does the same thing with science stuff. They went to break after that.
Jon said Howard is worried about the Wack Packers dropping like flies. He said Howard did a great eulogy for Riley today. Gary said Riley fits the bill for Wack Packers who should have annoyed the shit out of him. He said he loved Riley though. He said he would yell at him at times but he was always amused by him.
Jon said Al Ragone worked with Riley for years. He does the board for them now. Gary asked if he still complained about Howard when the microphone was off. Al said absolutely. He said he didn't hold back. Jon asked how hard it was to keep track of him when he was suffering from food poisoning. Al said Eron took care of that most of the time. Jon asked if Eron was steering the ship. Al said Riley was the one doing that. He said Eron was asking questions just like the fans were. It was like he was new to the whole thing.
Gary said he thinks the name of the guy who introduced them to Riley was Curtis Cooperman. Gary said Curtis called him this morning and talked to him about Riley.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he got stuck in his car because he had to hear if Howard was going to let that woman in the studio. He said he feels for Gary because he has to worry about what he puts in Howard's bag. He said it was nice to hear Howard put in that position this morning. Gary said there are other days that you ask Howard about something and he doesn't care. He said he thinks that Howard hates being put on the spot on the air. The caller said he thinks that it was because it was a woman crying. Gary said Howard brought that up. He said he has been able to shut that off himself. He said he stopped with that when he was 11. Jon said that Howard has that going on and other things. He said Howard struggles with that and other things. Gary said he thought that the pushing was too much. He said that the more she pushed the less he wanted to let her come up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they're being disingenuous about being fair to people. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said if you let her in then the letters start to flood in. He said people will write in and you feel an intense guilt. He said if you don't let the one in then maybe they won't get that. The caller said people are getting the hotline number and some don't so it's not fair. Gary said it works for them though. He said he just doesn't want to open up the floodgates. He said it takes away from the show if you do that. Jon said they'd love to have everyone in there for every show but they just can't do that. Jon said that Gary has a show to run so he has to make decisions. He said if you do that then you have to stick to it. Jon said it can turn into a whole mess.
Gary said they have always talked about having an audience in there. He said it would change the tone of the show if they did that. Gary said you don't want to end up with the Morton Downey audience where they're screaming and yelling. He said Howard wants to do the show his way.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said 68 percent voted that Laura and her husband should not be allowed in the studio. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon and Steve talked about the news programs that have mentioned Howard lately and they end up bad mouthing Howard over his 5 year contract. Steve said they probably have no idea how much Howard rips on local news when they do that.
Jon said they heard an anchor in Michigan who did a Stern Show tribute for the whole show. Steve said he has wanted to do that and that guy was amazing doing what he did. Steve said when you're in a small market like that you might be able to get away with it easier.
Gary said there have been times where other guys work in Howard's name. He told a story about Al Michaels doing that once during a game when the fans were yelling out ''Bullshit''.
Steve said that he is a big fan of High Pitch Eric and he stopped by the studio once to take a picture. He said Eric is brilliant. He said he had tweeted Dari asking to take a picture with him. He said that he showed up 40 minutes early and said that there was an Eric there for him. He said he took the picture but Eric is brilliant in getting what he wants. Steve said Eric uses his weight for attention now. He said he gets a DM from Eric asking him to take him to the gym with him to help him lose weight.
Jon asked about the Flat Ronnie he took a picture with on set. Steve said that he can get away with doing it on his own but not having it on the set during the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the caller who was begging to get in the studio and how Fred played the Langford ''No more phone calls'' drop during that call. Jon said Fred can drop those things at just the right time and it's so great. The caller said he wondered how Fred came up with it so quickly. Jon said it was so strange when Howard asked Fred to find a Beetlejuice clip and he wasn't able to find it. Jon said it's one of those things where you don't notice it until he misses one. Jon said Fred is the unsung hero of the show. Steve asked if Fred is doing that on his own or does Howard ask for stuff. Gary said it's all Fred. He said Howard is doing the show and Fred is doing his thing. Jon said it's truly incredible. They went to break after that.
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Jon asked Steve how he'd approach Howard. Steve said he was at a Sirius party once and Howard ended up behind him. He said Lisa G had invited him to the party. He said that he started talking to Howard and he told a story to him but he fears meeting up with him again because he might be bored to tears over his stories.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Joey Boots helped High Pitch Eric cheat on his weigh in. She said he could have had things on him that weighed him down when they weighed in. Gary said that she's not the first person to say that. Gary said that he is wearing insanely tight sweat pants at the weigh in. He said he didn't have anything in his pockets. He said if he had something shoved up his ass they weren't going to check anyway. Gary said that just stopping drinking soda for 2 weeks can help losing weight. He said he thinks Eric did it.
Jon said that he thinks that Donnie Wahlberg really is Eric's love. Gary said he gets a big smile on his face when you mention Donnie. He said it's like that smile a baby gets on its face.
Jon brought up how Ronnie and King of All Blacks were going at each other this week. He said Ronnie did the sex tips for New Years too. Steve said they are so great. He said he wouldn't change it at all. He said it's the way he delivers it in that creepy voice. Jon said you can feel his enjoyment. Jon said that there's a part of Ronnie that gets off on it. Gary said that he likes the politically correct Ronnie where he says ''Get your girl... or your guy...''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a day or two behind all of this. He said he has to talk about what a bitch Benjy is. He said he has got the world in his hands and he works for the best radio show ever. He said he has a smoking hot woman and he goes home and cries every night. He said he has to get everyone's approval for everything he does. He said he should just make it work like everyone else. Gary asked if the caller believes in clinical depression. The caller said he does but has Benjy done anything to get it diagnosed. Gary said if everything is going great for him and going home and crying then maybe he's depressed. He said he may not see all of the good things in his life. The caller said he should go get some meds then.
Jon said Howard is angry all of the time. He said you wonder why he's angry but he talks about it on the air. He said Benjy might have personal stuff bothering him. Steve said he thinks Benjy's life is depressing and it's warranted. He said that he might be in a weird head space. He said that people come in there who are very successful and he may have some issues with the whole Benjy and Elisa thing. He said last night he saw Benjy tweeted something about doing movie scripts. He said it was like he was trying to write a movie like it was trying to prove he was doing something. Jon said that it might be getting attention so he's going to move off of that.
Jon moved on to talk about Santa-Con and Richard Christy. He brought up his drinking and the events that he goes to all year long. Gary said that he finds ways to drink. He said he will find anything to make an excuse for drinking. Gary said it's all event drinking. Jon said he's right. He has a very busy calendar.
Jon asked if Gary could ever recover from the Calfie story. Gary said no. He said he knew a kid who had a pet cow and the cow dented the family car so they had it butchered and ate it. Jon said when you hear Richard's dad talk about it that's their day to day. Gary said you shouldn't name your food. Jon said it wasn't food at first. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Samuel talked about the movies he's done and how he wanted to do a movie like Snakes on a Plane. Steve said any time snakes are involved in a local story he has to write a line about that movie for the intro.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to make a comment about Calfie the cow. He said that he had some pigs growing up and they named them. He said they named their chickens and his old man told them not to get too friendly with them. He said he never had any remorse for it. Gary said it's just how you're raised. He said that it's not what they're used to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk to Gary about how Howard treats him. He said he's not sure how Gary has done it for 30 some years. He said that he must want to just throw up his hands and wonder what to do. Gary said he comes there every day because he loves the show and wants to do the best for it. Gary said he is trying his best. He said he doesn't want to annoy him. Steve said the Bradley Cooper thing drove him nuts. He said that he can see Howard calling him out on that. Gary said that Howard's genius is that he should have been the national debate champion. He said he can debate either side brilliantly.
Jon asked if Howard should have called Gary out for putting the card in his bag. Steve said he finds himself coming from Gary's position most of the time. He said Howard can get worked up over some innocuous things. Gary said he is the go to guy for a lot of shit. He said he felt Howard was in a cantankerous mood this week. He said it could change in a week. Gary said someone called and really pushed Howard on it and asked why he didn't just stay home and paint. Gary said that Howard knows he can't do that.
Jon brought up Scott the Engineer and said they'll talk more about that tomorrow. Gary said he went to the parking garage yesterday and the guys down there were telling him about a joke Scott told them when he showed up to pick up his car. He said he can't remember what it was though.
Jon got in some plugs and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:35am.
Jon said the think that made Riley so unique was his voice. Gary said that's so true. Gary said he always looked for a wink from Riley as if he were in on the joke but he never did see that. Jon said if you do something like that long enough that it becomes your reality. He said it does more harm if you admit it. Gary said it's true. He said having said that he probably should have remembered his bullshit better. He said he never gave the same answer twice for the most part.
Jon said as the food poisoning crept into his life he loved the shout outs. He said he loved hearing Riley getting to the end of his show and doing that. Rahsaan said they had a montage of clips from him and he was even doing it when he was in jail. Jon said he had a very popular show there too. He said it was like the second most popular show there. Gary said he will be missed.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the plan is for future Wack Packers. Jon said Howard talked about that a little bit. He said that they are wondering where the replacements are. Jon said it takes something special to be Wack Pack. Gary said that they had two die in 18 months and the reality is that they lost 2 recently but probably gained 4. He said that they have Medicated Pete, Big foot, Tan Mom, Mick the Nerd... He wondered if Hanzi was on regular radio. Jon said he doesn't think so. Jon said it ebbs and flows. He said they still have a bunch there. He said he hopes High Pitch Eric continues his weight loss. He said hopefully Jeff the Drunk sticks around as well.
Jon said High Pitch Eric was in this week and John Stamos was in and seeing the two sitting next to each other on the couch was pretty damn funny. Gary said they barely look like they're the same species. He said it's hard to believe that they're human. Jon said he thinks you could fit 3 John's inside one Eric. Gary said that Eric's clothes are super tight now too. He said it's really bad.
The guys said Eric should read Dr. Agus' book. Gary said he has his book and he is doing the aspirin a day. He said he's thinking about going to one cup of coffee a day too. He said that 12 a day might not be good. Jon said Howard will accuse Gary of doing what he's doing if he does that. Gary said he's doing what Howard recommends. He went over some of the other things Agus talks about in the book that he'd like to start doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered if Riley's symbols are going to be considered art. Gary said they're not art but he made a certain number and he's not sure how many there are. He said he can see them having value if you're a fan of the show. He said they're a collector's item. The caller wondered if Riley did them himself or if he had someone who did them. Jon said he was told that Riley did them all himself. He said Al Ragone there is the one who told him that. Jon said he's not sure how limited the edition is on how many he made. They went to break after that.
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Jon asked if they can bring a movie down over time. Matt said that does happen. He said they can peak high and then go down as more people see it. He said if someone gives a review to The Godfather now then they'll add it to the list.
Jon asked Matt and Grae about what Howard should see and what he should miss. Matt said he thinks that terminator Genisys is god awful. Grae said it's a mess. She said it all started with the trailer because they gave away the biggest part of the movie about how John Connor is the bad guy now.
Matt said they should also talk about the window for spoilers. Gary said Robin is the spoiler on the show. Gary asked how long they should wait for a TV show spoiler. Matt said if it's something like Homeland on Sunday night then Tuesday at the minimum. Grae said that they should give a warning if they're going to say something. Matt said if it's past Tuesday then screw it. He said that you can spoil it after that.
Gary said he made one of the dumbest blunders ever. He said he is a huge Survivor fan and he mentioned something on Twitter about the show and it didn't dawn on him that it hadn't aired on the West coast.
Jon said Howard doesn't get screeners. He said he complains about it all the time. Jon asked why that is. He asked what he has to do to get them. Grae said that they must be doing it just to spite him. Gary said Paramount and the Weinstein company love them and they send screeners. Gary said he gets some because he belongs to the Screen Actors Guild. He said he gets copies of everything. Gary said that even Jimmy Kimmel and Matt Lauer get screeners and they don't even get on the air to talk about movies. He said that might be part of the fear. He said they might be afraid of giving him stuff. Jon said Universal is another one that gives them a lot of stuff.
Matt said he can tell if a movie company thinks they have something terrible. Matt said they might send it to everyone. Gary asked if they think that they thought about that when they sent Howard ''Birdman'' last year. Matt said that movie isn't really for Howard or his listeners. He said that's more of an artsy kind of thing.
Gary said everyone thinks that Howard wants to see everything Lesbian. Matt said that you get on the list and you just get everything. He said there might not be someone thinking about what's good for Howard. He said just getting on the mailing list is the thing. He said you have to find the right list.
Gary said he has done some work to get other movies and the's called people on the list and not getting a response. He said everyone is afraid of their boss. He said that the fear about Howard is unfounded.
Matt said they have to set up a critic on the show and get that critic on the BFCA list. He said that he gets screeners because he's in the BFCA. Gary said they should get that for Jon Hein and get him on that.
Jon said they have to get back to the movies. He asked about ''Last Action Hero'' because Robin really liked that. He asked what kind of reviews that movie got. Matt said it's a 37 in their ranking. He said that's just not a good movie. They talked about other movies like the G.I. Joe movies. Matt and Grae talked about how awful those are too.
Gary said that he hears about movies that are just terrible but then he'll catch it on a Sunday afternoon and they're not that bad. Grae said the new Vacation movie is like that. She said it was horrible in the theater but if you're on your couch then it might not be so bad. They talked about that a little longer and then went to break.
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Jon said they had Samuel L. Jackson on the show this week. Jon said if he's in a film you're going to go see it. Grae agreed. Jon said that Michael Rapaport is another guest they have on often. Grae said she ate at a table at Benihana once and stared at him and watched what he ate. She said it was great.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about their take on The Big Short because he didn't like it. Gary said he thought it was really good. Matt said he loved The Big Short. He said it's hilarious and infuriating. Matt and Grae talked about that and how much they liked it.
Jon asked if The Revenant is something Howard should avoid. Matt said he thinks he might be off there. He said it's a survival movie and it's gruesome. He said that it's what Castaway could have been if it was a nightmare.
Gary said Howard loved Eddie Redmayne last year. He asked if he should see The Danish Girl. Grae said she's going with a no. She said she thinks there are a lot of land mines every 2 feet in it. She said the chicks in it are super good though.
Jon said that he thinks that if something plays all the time you may not like it but you get familiar with it. He said Scott the Engineer came up with Bailey the Bedbug for a bit. Jon said that Scott has been on cloud 9 lately. He said that he's so happy and so thrilled that people are talking about it. He said it got him the attention he was looking for. He said he's also enjoying the spoils from this. Gary said that it's up to the audience to decide on what to do with that. He said he doesn't think Scott gives a shit why you like it. He said it's just if you like it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has an idea. He said that Rapaport should have the Friday Wrap Up Show. He said that then they could wrap up the Wrap Up Show with Rapaport. Jon said Michael is a very busy actor so he'll have to run that by him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have ever had an actor or director who has an unblemished review on their web site. Grae said that Quentin Tarantino is one. She said that he has almost all Certified Fresh movies on the site. Matt also told them that Howard should see The Hateful Eight. Jon said it is very long though. Matt said that's true.
Gary said he looked up The Godfather on RottenTomatoes.com and it has just one guy who says it was rotten. He asked why he gets to review anything. Matt said that it was someone who did it back when it first came out. He thought they had seen a movie like that already. He said the guy has been dead for like 10 years now.
Jon wrapped up the show and got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. They ended the show around 12:10pm.