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Howard started today's show talking about how he was just listening to the band Hatebeak which is his favorite new band. He said the lead singer is a parrot. Howard said it's really good. Robin said they're just taking on Caninus. Howard said the parrot says that's his biggest influence. Howard played one of their songs where they have a parrot singing along to really heavy metal music. Robin said she feels this is just a joke. Howard said this is very real. He played clips of a few of their songs. Howard said the new album is called Number of the Beak.
Howard said Robin took in one of their foster cats. Howard asked how things are working out. Robin said they're working out very well so far. Robin said she has him in his own room. Robin said she has to keep him away from her other cats for a little while. Robin said he was just as chipper today as he was last night. Robin said he looks forward to her petting him. Robin said that he is using his litter box and all of that. She said it's working. Howard said it's a happy love fest. Robin said his name is Ziggy.
Howard said he has some highlights of a documentary that they did about Dennis Rodman going to North Korea. Howard played a clip of Dennis talking about getting ready to go to North Korea for the first time. Howard said you don't even know what he's saying. Howard played that clip and Dennis starts crying. Howard said he's so taken with what he's doing even while the whole world is telling him not to go. Robin said this all backfired on him too.
Howard played more of Dennis crying and talking about how he's misunderstood. Dennis said people are trying to talk him out of going because he killed his uncle. He said he's doing this to try and change shit. Howard said this is like if the Harlem Globetrotters met with ISIS. Howard asked Robin if they talked about this stuff when they went on their date one night. Robin said they talked about his life and things like that. They didn't get this deep.
Howard said that Dennis goes to a state dinner and there are other basketball players with him who are freaking out. Howard played a clip where they describe Dennis walking in holding hands with the Supreme Leader. They had a clip of Dennis coming out whistling ''In the Navy''. He says something and then they translate what he just said to Korean. Howard said they probably just said ''This man is bat shit crazy.''
Howard played more of Dennis talking about something and cursing. Howard asked Robin if he was sober the night of their date. Robin said he was sober. She said she can't be with someone who is drunk on a date.
Howard said there was some guy there who is supposed to be writing a book about Dennis. Howard said he's freaking out and throws a tantrum over that. Howard said he loves the announcer in this documentary too. He said he's very relaxed. Howard played that clip and Dennis is rambling and saying something unintelligible. Dennis gets upset about the book writing thing and starts yelling. He gets angry with the guy who is writing the book. He's saying ''No book!'' over a piano playing in the background.
Howard said he thinks this is good for American and North Korean relations. Howard said they'll think we're nuts. Robin said he probably did scare Kim Jong Un. Howard said he's thinking we really know how to party. Howard said he thinks this is good. He said he's serious about that. Robin said they did release that prisoner they were holding over there. Howard said Dennis went on a rampage like Godzilla over there.
Howard played a clip of Dennis at a basketball game practice and he was already drinking. He was slurring his words and warming up for the game. The other team didn't know what to do. Robin said the other team ended up beating Rodman's team. Robin said they split up the teams in the second half of the game. She said they were humiliated when they weren't able to get ahead of this team.
Howard said Dennis ended up getting into an argument with one of his own team players. Howard played that clip and the player and Dennis were arguing about the game and what the point of it was. Dennis was yelling at the guy while the other guy was trying to explain himself.
Howard said you can get about 3 words in before Dennis starts yelling at you. Robin said that guy Charles started to run things because Dennis was drunk all the time.
Howard said he has one more clip. He said Dennis make a speech about the game and he calls that fat kid who runs the country ''The Marshall.'' Howard played that clip and Dennis was talking about what a great leader he is and how he provides for his people. Then he starts singing ''Happy Birthday'' to Kim Jong Un. Howard said he's kept a low profile since all of this went down. Robin said he was hoping people would forget about it and then this documentary comes out. Howard asked if this is the greatest documentary ever.
Howard said TV shows look so good these days but then we get bad quality with this Periscope thing. Howard said this Periscope is people making TV with their cell phones. Howard said that it's a new service that lets you broadcast to people for free. Howard said you can broadcast video for 24 hours. He said then it disappears. Robin said then you say ''thank god'' that it disappeared.
Howard said he has a show from High Pitch Eric, Medicated Pete and Jeff the Drunk. Howard said you'll think they're great shows but then you have to realize that they took hours to find these little clips. Howard said in this one clip you hear Eric outside and the wind is blowing into the microphone. Howard said the reality is that you're going to turn it off right about there.
Howard said Jeff Jarvis used to be the TV reviewer for TV guide. Howard took a call from Jeff who said he wishes Eric the Actor was around or Periscope. Howard said Eric had his own show on the internet that Johnny Fratto set up. Jeff said that Howard would love the guy who produced that Dennis Rodman documentary. He said that he has done some amazing things. Howard asked Jeff if he or Jon Hein knows more about TV. Jeff said Jon knows more because he has no life.
Howard said Jeff seems to know everything about the media. Howard said you have to devote a lot of hours to TV. Jeff said Robin watches a lot too. Howard said he called Robin last night and she was watching something he'd never heard of. Robin said it was Wayward Pines. Howard said that's a TV show made by M. Night Shyamalan.
JD came in and corrected Jeff about the clips they were playing. They weren't done by the same guy he was talking about. Jeff mentioned a show called Unreal. Robin said she heard about it. She said it's a parody of a reality show. Howard said he doesn't like parodies and comedies. He said he hates when people parody something. He said he'd rather just see the thing. Howard said he won't watch that. He said he hates comedies on TV. Jeff said he knows TV. Howard said he guarantees that he won't watch it. Howard said he doesn't like stand up specials or anything. Jeff said Howard is a Debbie Downer. Howard said he doesn't like comedies. He said he hates sitcoms.
Robin said a good comedy that's on now is the one with Allison Janney. Howard said he doesn't care. He hates when they try to make him laugh. Howard said the only thing that makes him laugh is himself.
Howard said he went to dinner with his parents and they're huge fans of ''Big Bang Theory.'' Jeff said that show is brilliant. Howard said he likes Last Man On Earth but he hasn't even finished that. Howard said he's not sure what it is with him. Jeff asked if he's watching Masters of Sex. Howard said his wife does and she thinks he should watch it. Howard said he isn't watching it. Jeff said they have beautiful naked women in it. Howard said that he'll watch. Gary said it's a great show. He said people are naked and fucking in it in every episode. Gary said there are too many good shows on. He said he likes Orange is the New Black too. Howard said that's another show that thinks it's funny and he can't watch it. Howard said he doesn't want to watch anything with comedy in it. Howard said he loved The Good Wife. Jeff said Robin would love that. Robin hasn't seen it yet.
Jeff said he has to give him shit about his podcast rants. Howard said he's not against podcasts. Howard said if he wants instruction on how to do something podcasts are fine. Howard said if you want to make a living in broadcasting you can't do it with a podcast. Howard said Adam Carolla claims to be making a living and he believes him. He said he's not the typical example. Howard said he had a career in broadcast. Howard said he goes to dinner with Adam and the one who pays for dinner isn't Adam. Howard said Adam does these shows in clubs and that's where he gets a lot of the money. Howard said that Adam got known doing regular broadcasting. Howard said podcasts get lost in the sauce. Howard said you can't get a big audience like you can as a broadcaster. Howard said you have to go out and get a job as a broadcaster. Jeff said that's where Howard is being an old fart.
Jeff said he wants to say something. Jeff said that Howard is the one who destroyed broadcast. He said Howard destroyed it. Howard said he's wrong. Howard said terrestrial radio is still extremely relevant. Jeff said ''No!'' Howard said he doesn't listen to it himself but it still has millions of listeners. Howard said they have people in their cars. Jeff said it sucks. Howard said he agrees but it's still relevant.
Howard said they still have advertisers on it. Howard said he went to satellite and made a very good living. He said he did that after broadcasting. Howard said they have like 27 or 28 million subscribers there. Jeff said not everyone can be Howard. Jeff said he was at Bit-Con recently and he was talking to a guy named Pewdiepie who is making millions. He said that he does some things on the Twit Network himself and Leo Laporte is making millions a year too. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Howard said Jeff is the only guy who has heard of these people. Jeff said YouTube has podcasts who have over 10 million subscribers.
Jeff asked Howard why he doesn't have his own empire that's making millions that he doesn't have to share. Howard told him to go call Pewdiepie with his own show. Howard said everyone loves Jeff but he has to go. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Howard said no one has ever heard of Pewdiepie. Howard said that he's making 8 million but there are real broadcasters who aren't making that kind of money. Howard said it's fine to do a podcast. He said it's like college radio. Howard said to make a living you have to go out and get a mass audience and it's not going to happen with a podcast. Howard said he has never heard of Pewdiepie. Howard said people have heard of Howard Stern. Howard said they have 9 million shows on satellite and if you take his name out of it then you've never heard of anyone. Howard said he wants a list of every talk show on there and he guarantees you've never heard of them. Howard said he's not sure why he's talking about this.
Gary came in and said that the guys in the office know who this Pewdiepie guy is. Gary said he sits and watches video games and comments on them. He said that people watch him and he makes money because of that. Howard said he likes Chess and he goes on and watches that stuff. He said no one is doing that. Gary said this Pewdiepie guy has followers and he's getting money from YouTube. Howard said this guy has 38 million subscribers. He said he just wants people to get off his back over this. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard played the clip of Benjy in Sharknado 3. Benjy screams that he was ''inside the belly of the beast.'' Howard said they don't explain that in the movie. Howard asked if Benjy gets depressed when he sees how short it is. Benjy said they were at the premiere and they were waiting for it to happen and then he gets tweets about it already happening. He said that he liked that they kept his voice in it even after he was off screen. Benjy said he likes that Ian Ziering ran into him. Benjy said he took the train down there to do the shoot. He asked Howard to replay the clip. Howard did it for him.
Howard said Benjy garbles his whole line. Howard said there isn't any way to play that role any differently. Howard said he's afraid he's typecast. Robin said the funny thing about those movies is that they're just so bad. Howard said hey really are. Howard said he feels bad for Ian. He said he was known all over for 90210 and he was probably glad he chose that as a career. Howard said now he's in Sharknado. Howard said he did that show and then nothing. Howard said Ian stuck with it for a while but then he had nothing. Robin said Luke Perry can't even get Sharknado now.
Howard said years go by and Ian checks his bank account and he has to do podcasts and Comic-Con. Howard said he was working with hot chicks with big boobs and now he's working with a guy with blotchy big boobs. Howard said Ian had to do the Sharknado movie and then it comes out and everyone is goofing on it. Howard said even Howard Stern is goofing on it. Howard said they say that Sharknado 3's ratings were a lot less than Sharknado 2. Howard said the idea of it is funnier than the actual thing. Howard said if you told him the plot of the movie they'd have a good time. Howard said if you watch it then you throw up. Robin said the problem is that the whole thing is based on cameos. Robin said that you want to see who shows up and if they'll be eaten by a shark. Robin said she doesn't even remember who got eaten in 2. She said it doesn't matter because they all come back. Robin said Kathie Lee and Hoda get eaten this time. Robin said you can't go to the same cameos. Robin said that's the only thing that's interesting. She said she's not excited to see Matt Lauer again. Robin said that's the problem with this. Robin said Ian Ziering picks up a toy chainsaw and fights the sharks with that. Robin said that it's a toy chainsaw, not a real one. Howard asked how Tara Reid is in the movie. Robin said she has a robotic hand in this one. Robin said she got it bitten off in the last movie.
Howard said Robin put more thought into this movie than the producers did. Howard said that these guys probably didn't even have a meeting that gets into as much detail as Robin got into. Robin said the president is played by Mark Cuban. She said he lasts too long in it. Robin said he should be eaten. Robin said Mark McGrath lasted too long. Robin said he should have been eaten. Robin said Ann Coulter was also in it too long. Robin said that they should call her to consult with her about this.
Robin said the sharks are real fake looking too. She said they're little, rubber sharks. Howard said she's right about that. He said Benjy came back even after being eaten by one.
Howard said Jon Leiberman is there. Jon came in and said he got an email from a police officer in Washington DC. He said they were communicating on Facebook and he wanted to take Eric to a game. The guy says that Eric asked for food to be sent to him and the guy did it. He said the guy is a police officer. He said the guy sent Eric the meal and it had a lot of meat patties and soda. Jon said that Eric asked to go to a Yankee game with the guy and his wife. He said the cop told him that he was going to get cheap seats but Eric said he wanted the seats that get free food. They're over $600. The guy replies and says that he's happy to take him to the game but not in those seats. Jon said this guy is a legit guy. Eric turned the guy down.
Howard asked Jon about the little book he has there. Jon said he has notes in there. He said that he's going to enjoy his time with Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said he should get him in there. Howard said Jon should be in there while he talks to him.
Howard said Jon looks good. He said he got into shape after that heart attack. Jon said he lost about 25 pounds. He said because of his working out he had to get new clothes. He said his waist size went down more than his weight did. He said he started to run and does weight training and cardio. Howard said he stopped doing Cardio. He said his belly grew because of that. Robin said he could supplement that with something else.
Howard asked Robin if she's attracted to Jon now. Robin said he's no Jake Gyllenhaal. Howard asked if she would fuck him. Robin said he's attractive. Howard asked if she would have sex with him. Robin said that's not a good idea. Howard said she has to fuck Leiberman or Shuli, who is it. Robin said Leiberman. Jon said it's the small victories in life. Howard said he thinks Jon looks good. Jon thanked him for that. Howard said he'd give it to Leiberman right in his ass. Jon said he'd write that up in his notebook.
Robin picked Jon over Benjy too. Howard asked Leiberman or Fred. Robin picked Fred over Leiberman. Howard asked about JD. Robin picked Leiberman again. Howard asked about Gary. Robin said she has to think about that. Leiberman said he has to remind his girlfriend what she has there. Robin said she'd take Baba Booey over Leiberman. Howard said she had to think about that.
Howard said they're celebrating the anniversary of Baba Booey on August 21st. Howard said they're going to do that from the very beginning. He said it's the 25th anniversary of the name. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody and some more Baba Booey promo clips.
Howard said Gary thought they'd forget about that in a day. Howard said in honor of the Baba Booey thing they'll do the 21 cough salute. Howard played a clip of Gary coughing over a 21 gun salute.
Howard said they're going to take a break and have Fred the Elephant Boy come in. Howard said that Elephant Boy wants to come in and talk about some wrestler. Howard said Gary talks about how odd it is to have him there because he used to be like a kid and now he's 57 years old. Howard said Jon is going to stick around too since he knows stuff about Fred. They went to break after that.
Howard asked if Fred is dying his hair. Fred said no. He said he's in his mid 50s and he has dark hair. Howard said it looked dyed. Fred said he has white in his beard. Robin said he has to be dying it. She said his roots are showing. Jon said it looks different than it did a year ago. Fred insisted he doesn't dye it.
Howard asked if he has had the same fanny pack all these years. Fred said this one is 4 or 5 years old. He said he's keeping it. Howard said he has to stand up and show him. Howard asked why he can't get a bag for his shoulder. Fred said it's hard to do a new routine. Howard said he's not sure they still make fanny packs. Jon said he has told him he's lost things in that bag. Fred said he has forgot to put things in his pocket and has forgotten the bag.
Howard asked Fred about how he forgets it. Fred said if he takes it off it's a mystery to him how he loses something out of it. Howard said the fanny pack is attached to him. Fred said sometimes he'll forget to put his radio in it. He said he might forget to put the radio back in the fanny pack. Howard said he keeps that on at work though, right? Fred said it's on all the time.
Jason came in and took pictures of Fred and Howard said it's totally distracting. He said he stops the conversation. Jason said he was trying to get shots of the fanny pack. Howard told him to get out of there.
Fred asked Howard how Robin is feeling today. Howard said he can't be the one directing the interview. Fred said something to her trying to be funny but Howard had to translate it. Howard said Fred said if he had fucked her before she had cancer he would have fucked the cancer out of her. Howard asked how long he worked on that material. Fred said probably not enough.
Howard said he should just stick to being Elephant Boy and he's funny. Robin said the thing that's funny is the way he sounds. Fred said that's good enough for him. Howard said he doesn't have to work at being funny. He said just talk about his fanny pack.
Jon said that Fred has said he's basically A-sexual right now and the only thing that turns him on is lesbian videos. Howard said Fred went through a phase where he wanted to get couples. Howard had the clip but Fred took his headphones off. Fred said he'd be laughing if it was someone else. Howard asked what service this was on. Fred said it was so long ago... Howard played the clip where Fred's infamous ''Hi there couples...'' came out. He was looking for couples where the male was Bi. Howard asked if he ever got anyone. Fred said no. Howard said some listener turned him in after hearing that voice.
Fred said he's not totally a-sexual but it's going in that direction. Howard said he's almost 61 and he beat off twice yesterday. Howard asked how often he's doing that. Fred said maybe one or two times a week. Howard said he watched a video where this MILF is married and her step daughter comes home from school and she tells her that she's attractive and shows her how to have an orgasms. Robin said Fred would have liked that. Fred said he has links to what he watches. Howard said he doesn't want links. He said he's not proud that he beats off. He said that he doesn't want friends sending him links. Howard said it's bad enough that he's doing it.
Howard said Elephant Boy is into some wrestler. Howard said he thinks he's sexually attracted to the guy. Fred said he's not. He said he's the one who got Mick Foley on the show years ago. Howard said they used to call him the Pecker Checker because they thought he was checking out their cocks. Fred said that wasn't his name. He said he always acts accordingly. Howard asked if he has fucked around with a guy. Fred said he has. Howard asked what happened with Mary. Fred said she's still in Cleveland. He said that they are friends now. He said that she was going through a lot and she became a little isolated. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend or not. Fred said he doesn't. Fred said that he saw Mary in February. Jon said he hasn't had sex in 3 or 4 years. Fred said that's right. He said she's not looking for anyone. He said they still talk. Howard asked who is harder to understand, Elephant Boy or JD. Howard said he thinks JD might be harder.
Howard asked if he still lives with his mom. Fred said she passed away about 5 years ago. Howard asked if he's on his own in the house. Fred said he's sorry he didn't bring that up as a news item. Fred said he lives with his brother.
Howard said Fred wants to get his wrestler friend on the air. Howard said he hasn't met him though. Howard said his name is what. Fred said it's Rob Van Dam. Howard said he really has to clean his glasses once in a while. He said he can see the dirt coming off of them. Fred went on to talk about this Shark Week thing that's on TV. He said Rob is in a movie about Sharks for Shark Week. Howard asked if he has been in touch with Rob. Fred said he has. He said he told him that he would go on the show and try to get him on. Fred said he has great stories about wrestling. Howard asked if he's sexually attracted to him. Fred said no. He said that Rob has stories about Hulk Hogan and stuff like that. He said he knows he could give him a good interview.
Howard said Fred came in just to talk about that. Jon said that Fred has been infatuated with this wrestler for a long time. Fred said he's not infatuated. Howard asked Fred if he was the kind of guy he was into when he was into guys. Fred said he's not. Howard asked who he'd rather have in a threesome, Rob or Jon Leiberman. Fred said neither. Howard asked if Rob asked Fred out on a date what would he do. Fred said he would distance himself from him. He said that was just a phase he went through. Fred said he was lonely back then. He said that he was being rejected by women and that was the next best thing. Howard said Fred tried to get a guy instead of a woman. Robin asked what he did with the guy he was with. Fred said it was just blow jobs. He said he didn't do anything in the ass.
Jon said that Fred condemns Bobo and High Pitch Eric for what they did to the show. Fred said he didn't condemn them. He said he just doesn't like what they did. He said that he doesn't have an issue with Bobo. He and High Pitch got into it earlier this year. Fred said he called him out on making up stories. He said he tried to confront him and he went off on him. Fred said that he's at war with Eric Bleaman and not High Pitch. Howard said that short answers are better. Howard said that Fred is saying that he's not making it about the war. He said that it's just part of the show. Jon said he just received 17 text messages from Eric saying that he should confront him on this. Jon said he has 19 of those now. Jon said that Fred posted something on Twitter about Eric. Fred confirmed that he did that. Jon said that he suggested not letting anyone near their tip jars or cash registers. Eric says that he's down to 398 now. Jon asked Fred what his thoughts are on that. Fred tried to explain but Howard cut him off and said that it's too hard to understand.
Howard said Fred is a friend of the show and it's great seeing him. He said that's his natural hair color and he's happy to see that. Howard said Fred is sucking on a Poland Spring bottle like a baby bottle right now. Howard said he always has a warm feeling about Fred. He said that he has his battle going on with High Pitch Eric. He said he hopes he can go to a doctor to find out what's wrong with the water thing. He said he's sucking on it like it's Rob Van Dam's penis. Fred laughed. Howard said he's not sure who this Rob guy is but they'll see what they can do.
Howard asked Fred if he has any last messages. Fred thanked his fans for their support. He said he has 4900 followers on Twitter. Howard said that's great that he has an audience. Howard asked what his handle is on Twitter. Fred said he's @FredSchreiber1
Howard asked how often he tweets. Fred said maybe a couple of times a day. Howard asked what he tweets about. Jon Leiberman stepped in and said that he tweets about High Pitch Eric and the Mets for the most part. Fred said that Eric is dead to him. Jon asked if he Periscopes. Fred said he does not. He said he needs a young kid to show him how to do that. Howard said lets keep the young kids away from him. Fred laughed.
Howard had High Pitch Eric on the phone. Eric said he hasn't bothered Fred in like a year on Twitter. He said they made up on Howard's show and Fred is upsetting him with this. Fred told him not to pay attention to him if he's upsetting him. Fred was trying to explain himself but it was very hard to understand. Howard asked if Eric has any idea what he's saying. Eric said Fred is a bully. Robin said she's not sure why he's so sensitive to what Eric says. Fred said something unintelligible. Eric said he's a fucking bully. Fred said that Eric thinks he said something about his mother but he sticks to everything he says. Eric kept calling him a bully. Fred told him to show them how he's a bully. Howard said he's not sure how anyone knows when Elephant Boy is insulting you. Howard said he's trying to follow along. Fred said he doesn't even know what he said about his mother. He said he just said he doesn't like the way his sister is taking him from his money. He was trying to stick up for Eric.
Jon asked if Fred wanted to play a video game head to head with Eric. Howard asked what the fuck that's about. Howard said Fred stuck up for Eric with his sister and mother. Eric said that's not it at all. He said that he said something else about his mother. Fred tried explaining himself again but it was very hard to follow. Eric said he's a god damn fucking bully.
Howard said it's kind of cool that Elephant Boy is bullying someone. Fred said that he was bullied in school. Howard said it's kind of cool that he's a bully now. Fred said he's giving Eric a taste of his own medicine. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard said everyone likes to check in with Elephant Boy. Howard thanked Jon for coming in too. Howard said he has such an in depth knowledge of these guys. Howard asked Fred (Norris) what he thought of the appearance. Fred said it was stellar. He said they have to revisit some parts though. Howard said maybe in a decade or so. They went to break after that.
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Howard said they really made mincemeat out of Pete there. Howard said that's sad. Robin said she wanted to hear the whole story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has Hanzi going nuts on Twitter. He said Hanzi is claiming that they stole his story line and they've banned him from the show. Howard said he recalls him being on the call list last week but he didn't get to him. He said Hanzi thinks he's been banned but he has not been banned Howard said he likes hearing from Hanzi but he's ill. He said he thinks he's out to get him but he has no agenda with him.
Shuli came in and said for the last 3 or 4 months it's almost impossible to get in touch with him. He said he's up all night and then sleeps the whole day. He said he listens to the show but then he hibernates. Howard asked why he does that. Shuli said Hanzi is never available. He said that they'd have him as part of the bits they do if he was.
Howard said Hanzi's timing just sucks. He said he doesn't want a whole Wack Pack day. The caller asked if this has to do with the Illuminati. Howard said of course it does. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard said Hanzi goes off the deep end and he thinks he's giving away his story line. He said Hanzi thinks the show is like a wrestling show.
Howard had a clip of Matt Jacobs doing his High Pitch Eric and Joey Boots impressions talking about Eric jerking off to Will Murray. He had Eric talking about jerking off to Jason, Jon Hein and other guys on the show too. Howard said that impression is amazing.
Howard said he thought Trump was asking him questions to find out where he would fit into his cabinet. Howard said he wants to be on the Supreme Court. Howard said he'd move it down to Maura Lago. Howard said Trump told him he's into being the president. Howard said that's what he told him. Howard said the guy is fearless.
Howard played a clip of Kyle Dunnigan doing his Trump impression talking about a few things in a fake interview.
Howard said Trump told him he's in it to win it. Howard said he thought that he was feeling him out for the Supreme Court too. Howard said he wants to be on that to make decisions. Robin said he'd be the first celebrity reality judge to make it there.
Howard said the new Mission Impossible is great. He said that he loves those kind of movies. Howard said he saw the piece where he was hanging off an airplane for real. He said the guy is nuts. Howard said Alec Baldwin will be coming in tomorrow. He said he's in it. He mentioned a bunch of people who are in the movie. Howard said he liked that movie a lot. He said he's sure it'll make a ton of dough.
Robin said the new James Bond movie is coming out soon too. Robin said they're bringing in Spectre. Robin said that's the big organization that Bond used to fight. Howard said the Mission Impossible stuff he could watch all day. He said they have a lot of car chases and all of that. Robin said he always has a hot car that he races around. Howard said Tom Cruise is in good shape. He said he's getting up there in age but he's in good shape. Robin said people are wondering when he'll be in the Expendables. Howard said he's not up there yet. Howard said Elephant Boy is older than Tom Cruise.
Howard said Gary is convinced that Elephant Boy is dyeing his hair. Robin said it did look that way. Howard said he's not sure he would care. Gary said it's all super dark and uniformly. He said that it's a very dark color. Howard asked if he thinks he's lying to him. Gary said he thinks Elephant Boy is probably embarrassed by it. Howard said he's not sure why he wouldn't admit to it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jeff the Drunk called his internet provider while he was on Periscope and he went ballistic on the person on the air. Howard said Jeff coughs so much on that show. He said he has some of that to play. JD said he watched an hour of that stuff and it's really hard to watch.
Shuli came in and said that he doesn't see Jeff's thing lasting more than this month. He said he owes so much. He said he's addicted to the Periscope thing. He said Jeff was in the green room at his comedy show on Periscope the whole time. Howard said he isn't even enjoying his show. Shuli said he came for money. Shuli said Jeff asked if he could come. He said that he cries to him that he has no money and he asks him to give him something. Shuli said that he gave him 20 bucks just to stop him from crying. Shuli said Jeff was the least of his problems. He said Ass Napkin Ed showed up with his fiancee. He said she's a lovely woman and they make a lovely couple. Shuli said they drive 3 hours to the gig and the two of them show up. Shuli said he just gives them free tickets to the show. Shuli said they get to the show and Ed calls asking if he can save him some pizza. He said that Ed asked if it was Pepperoni. He said no and Ed was asking what kind of pizza it is if it doesn't have that on it. Shuli said it's free pizza.
Shuli said Ed shows up loaded and dressed like he's in a cover band. He said Ed has no top teeth now. He said he's shoving the food in. He said he has fake teeth but they don't fit right. He said he has to shove the food on his bottom teeth to cut it. He said you can't understand a word he's saying either. Shuli said Ed and this woman want to have a kid.
Shuli said he did his show and Ed was interrupting the show the whole time. He said he didn't have him thrown out. He said that he's kind of used to it. He said it was just a train wreck between the two.
Howard said he has more of Jeff doing his Periscope thing. Howard played another clip of Jeff talking about taking a shower after sweating his balls off. Then Jeff plays some music and starts to do Karaoke. Jeff was coughing. Howard said while he's doing this there are comments telling Jeff things. Shuli said one guy just wrote ''die'' a million times. Howard asked if he has his camera held by something. Shuli said he has the phone held up and then he has music playing that he sings along with for the Karaoke.
Howard said this is really bad singing. He had Jeff singing ''Stand By Me.'' Howard said it's so annoying. Howard said he'd be out already. Howard said you just ask him annoying questions and he answers them. Howard said people keep asking about the sex doll and he goes off on them over that. Howard played some audio of Jeff talking about the sex doll and yelling at people who are asking him about it. Jeff got angry and told them to stop asking him about it. He said he doesn't fucking have it.
Howard said the funny thing is that once his free month is over, he's done. He had Jeff on the phone. Jeff said he knows. He said that it's like letting a kid into a candy store and not letting him get anything. Howard said if he had a job he could pay for it. Jeff said that he has to listen to him. He said this is the number one beef he has. He said he's disabled. Howard said he's seen guys with no legs working. Jeff said he can't get a job. He said the only job he ever got was stamping hands at a pool. Howard said it's a job. Jeff said he makes more sitting home. Howard said it doesn't matter. Howard said Fred the Elephant Boy is working. He said he's been working for over 35 years. Howard said Jeff doesn't want to do the work that's offers to him.
Shuli said Jeff can do so much with just one arm. He said he's seen him take bottle caps off with one arm. Howard said he has The Lump on the phone too. The Lump said that Jeff should be able to kill himself. Howard said people hate when people ask about The Lump. Jeff said he blocks all the haters. The Lump said that's all there are on there. Jeff said that's not true.
Howard asked if he blocks anyone named Lump. Jeff said he blocks them all day long. Howard asked if it's nice. Jeff said the word Lump is gone He said no more. The Lump said he's looking at him right now and he's disgusting. Jeff said he's a fucking dick. Shuli said he could get a greeting job at a restaurant or something. Jeff said he has almost a million fucking hearts on Periscope. Shuli wished him luck paying his bill with that.
Howard asked Jeff if he's ever worried about his coughing. Jeff said he's not. Howard played a clip of Jeff coughing for like a minute. Howard said that's the cough of a dying man. He said it must feel good to cough. Jeff said he watched his father die of cancer. He said shit happens. The Lump said if you think that's gross you should hear the sounds that come out of his ass.
Shuli was talking about Jeff's smoking so Howard asked if Shuli still smokes. Shuli said he does on occasion. Howard said he must hear that cough and worry himself. Shuli didn't seem that concerned.
Jeff said he did the acting job that Howard told him to take. Howard said that's good. Jeff still thinks The Lump is Eric Andre but Howard insisted it's not him. Jeff said he knows the voice. Howard said Eric Andre doesn't give a fuck about him. Jeff said Eric Andre is a fucking douche bag. The Lump said that's not him. Jeff said it is too. The Lump called him a bag of shit. Jeff said goodbye to him. Howard said The Lump is the best thing about Jeff these days. Robin said they stopped calling him Jeff the Bore because of The Lump. The Lump and Jeff went back and forth with insults for a few seconds. Howard asked The Lump where he is on his body today. The Lump said he's on his back today.
Shuli said Jeff has a big bump on the back of his head from wearing that cowboy hat so much. He said that it's not just hat hair. The Lump and Jeff argued a little more. Jeff kept saying fuck you to him. He said he's not going to put up with his antics anymore.
The Lump said he's going to move to Jeff's tit soon. Howard said he remembers when he was on his ass and they had to remove it. Howard said he came back on the back of his head. The Lump said no one wants off of him more than him. Shuli said just wait until he starts booking The Lump for his comedy shows. Howard asked Jeff if he's on Periscope right now. Jeff said he is. The Lump said there are 343 other assholes looking at him right now. Howard asked Jeff to show the back of his head. Jeff said hold on. The Lump was saying hi and waving to everyone. Howard said The Lump is the good looking one in the picture. The Lump said he's winking right now. Howard said he's grown on the back of his head. The Lump said he's been feeding him all kinds of junk. Howard said he has to go now. Jeff said he was showing him the back of his head. Howard said he knows. He let Jeff go and said that @SternShow is Periscoping Jeff's Periscope. Howard said Jeff has a $160 a month bill to pay for that phone. Shuli said he's going to have to cut off smoking weed and all of that if he wants to afford it. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said he has a new Chris Wilding call. He said he called a show and got some weird names on the air. He said he got Jack Mehoff and a bunch of other names on the air. He said they're kind of hard to hear though. Howard played the clip where they read the names. He got one in that sounded like She Got Crabs and things like that. Howard said they had Salty Bukakke in here too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard talks about Letterman retiring because he knew it was the right time to get out. He asked if Howard thinks he'll know when his time is coming. Howard said he doesn't know when he wants to retire. He said when he was 20 he didn't want to work. He said you have to work. The caller asked if anyone will take over his throne. Howard said maybe that Pewdiepie or someone. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said he doesn't know how to answer that. Howard said he thinks he's really good on radio. Robin said Howard is unique. She said other people are doing talk shows and they can be taken over by someone else.
Howard said it's weird with late night TV. He said it's a shit business because TV has so many choices. He said these guys in late night get like 2-3 million viewers a night. He said it's almost like radio is more relevant now. Howard said that he's not sure it's worth that much work to get 2 million viewers. Howard said someone else could do his show if they have a compelling show. Howard said he doesn't know who is going to replace him though.
Howard said most people think they're funny and don't think Howard Stern is funny. He said they don't understand it. Howard said he never said he was funny. He said he just knew he was good. He said even when he sucked he knew he could get better. Howard said he is also self aware unlike other people. Robin said Howard broke the mould. She said that he didn't try to fit in and do morning shows like other morning shows were doing it. Howard said the worst you can do is focus on him and stop trying to figure him out. He said try to figure yourself out.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him an F, marry, Kill. He gave him Caitlyn Jenner, Chynna and Big Foot's girlfriend. Howard said only one of them is a woman. Howard said he'd take Chynna. Howard said that he doesn't want to be with a man. Robin said that she just put a picture on his desk. She said that person used to be a man. Robin said they say she's dating Keanu Reeves. Howard looked at the picture and said ''Oh wow!'' Robin said she has transitioned to female. Robin said apparently you have to transition early. Howard said she has a nice face and big titties. Howard said he doesn't know anything about Keanu dating her. Robin said they say they were in a restaurant together. Howard said maybe he didn't know. Howard said he has nothing against transgender. Howard said he's seen a lot and the vagina is just in the wrong place. Robin said her name is Jaime Clayton. Robin said that it may have just been a peck on the cheek. Howard said he does think that Caitlyn Jenner is more attractive than Big Foot's ex-girlfriend.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who had a decent phone connection today. King was about to ask a question but then his phone started cutting out. King said he'll call back on a better phone. Howard said he had a perfect phone connection. King said something about where he was but then the phone cut out. King said he's sitting on the bed right now. Howard said this is taking up too much time.
King asked when Howard thinks about dying the most, in the morning or at night. Howard said he's not consumed with it. Howard said it's impossible to contemplate your own death for more than a minute. King's phone cut out again so Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard moved on to play a Pat Robertson clip where Pat says that now there is gay marriage that people are going to start marrying animals. Howard said they've said this so many times. Howard played the clip and Pat was saying that love affairs between men and animals will be permitted. Robin said that will never happen because animals can't approve.
Howard said that he should see if he can marry an elephant. Howard said he'll apply for a marriage license. Robin said just to piss off Pat Robertson he should do that. Robin asked if Howard had to go to city hall to get a marriage license. Howard said he did. Howard got in a plug for the 25th anniversary of Baba Booey that will be on August 21st. Howard explained what happened that day Gary said Baba Booey. Gary corrected Howard on something from these old cartoons and Howard said Gary still doesn't get it.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who was on another phone. Howard asked what's going on. King asked why he's so annoyed. Howard said he used to be a great caller. King said he's still a great caller. King said if he had all of the money in the world he'd be the happiest guy in the world. He asked Howard about the death thing again. Howard said he doesn't dwell on it. Howard said he thinks about it sometimes. Howard said he realizes that he's getting older. Howard said no one cares about this. King said they do.
King asked if Howard would rather die first so he doesn't see his parents and wife die or have them die first. Howard said he'd rather see them die first. Howard said he wants to live. Howard said he wants live longer than his parents. Howard said his wife would be hard. King said that's what he's saying. Howard said he wishes his phone would cut off now. King told him not to hang up. King said if Howard dies first then his wife has to get someone else to spend his money. Howard said it doesn't matter once you're dead. King said Howard has to put his son on the phone. He put the kid on and Howard asked him some questions about what he ate for breakfast. He said he had bacon and bagel. Howard asked how old he is. He's 5. Howard said he speaks very well for a 5 year old. King said he goes to an all white school. King was answering for him.
Howard asked Lawrence how his dad is. King ended up saying he's going to have a big dick like his dad. Howard said that's fucked up. King asked him to say hi to his daughter too. Howard asked what dark place that's going to go to. King called his daughter, Charlie, over to say hello. She's 10. Charlie got on and said hi. Howard asked what grade she's in. She said she's in 5th. Howard asked her what she had for breakfast. She said she had Subway. Howard asked what's up with her dad. He asked if he treats her okay. She said he's a good dad. King told her to say he's the greatest. Howard let Charlie go after that. Howard said he has to hang up.
Howard said King said to his son that he's going to have a big dick like him. Howard said anyone can have kids. Robin said he's putting that race crap into his head too. He's 5 years old. Howard said maybe he's just putting it on for the radio audience.
Howard asked what Andrew does. He said they manufacture stainless steel tubing. He said they're the only ones in the States doing what they do. Howard asked how they compete. Andrew said they try to keep the costs low but they can get stuff to people here faster than China can. He said he has about 120 people working for him. He said his father started the business. He said he's been running the business for about 12 years now. He said his brother helps too. Howard asked if the brother is the brains. Andrew said they're both okay. Howard said that's a good business. Howard said it sounds like a cool job. Howard asked what they used the steel for. Andrew said they used it in kitchen appliances and things like that.
Howard said Susan is hot too. Howard said she looks pretty good. Howard said for 3 kids she looks awesome. Howard asked if she's the hottest chick he's ever dated. Andrew said definitely. Howard asked where they met. Andrew said they met at a boxing match in Atlantic City. Susan said they sat next to each other at the boxing match. Howard said she must have asked what that stainless steel tube is in his pants. Howard asked if they hooked up that first night. Andrew said they did but he meant that they just got together. He said they started talking and didn't date for a couple of months.
Andrew said he almost met Howard in the Bahamas in 1986. He said he was at Atlantis and he saw Howard there with his wife and another couple. He said that he walked over and heard Howard tell his wife he was going to go up because he was tired. He said it was definitely Howard because his father got his autograph later. Howard said he should stick to making stainless steel tubing. He said that was some story. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about a pilot who saw two pretty girls getting on a plane and invited them into the cockpit and ordered champagne. Robin said that he showed them how the plane flies itself. Robin said this was in Kuwait. Howard said that Beth tells him that she was invited to do that on a plane with a friend of her's. He said the pilots asked Beth to come in and fly the plane. Howard said Beth flew the plane. Howard said she said it was fun. Howard said he was surprised by that. He said she's usually upright about that. Robin said this woman said the pilot asked to see her boobs but she didn't show them. Howard said pretty girls have a different life. Howard said his wife didn't know you even had to pay for ice cream. Howard said he bets Susan had that kind of life. Susan said she's sure she has a story but she's trying to think of one. Howard asked if Susan has had a woman come on to her. She said no. Howard asked if she's telling the truth. Andrew said she is. Howard said he told Beth that's not normal to be invited in there. Robin said the airline is looking into the story which happened in 2013.
Howard took a call from someone claiming to be actor Gianni Russo. Howard told him to do his dialog from the movie. Howard said it's not him. Gianni said it is him. Gianni said of course it's him. Howard said there are a lot of impersonators out there. Gianni said this Bill Cosby is on his mind. He said 35 women came out against him. He said Cosby used to come to his club in Vegas all the time. He said women would complain about him and he thought they were full of it. He said it's the same routine you're hearing about now. Gianni said that the guy is nuts. Howard said the front page of the NY Daily News has a big picture of him and they say ''America's Rapist.'' Howard said they have 35 women on the cover. Gianni said they're prominent women too and why would they expose themselves if it wasn't true. Howard said he used to take quaaludes in college and people took advantage of him. He said they are powerful. Howard said so many people in show business are afraid to speak out. Howard said he's the star of The Godfather and he's speaking out. Robin said Judd Apatow and Hannibal Buress also spoke out. Robin said Hannibal is the one who brought it to their attention.
Robin read some details about what some of these women are saying about Cosby now. Howard said he's also not funny. Howard said the guy is a fucking bore. Howard said he should have bored them to death with his stupid comedy. Howard said they all would have passed out. Howard said the guy is a creep. Robin said one college is cutting ties with Cosby now. Robin said they announced that they discontinued a professorship named after Cosby. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said his wife went to her 25th high school reunion. Howard said she had fun. Howard said she didn't make him go. Howard said she's very thoughtful like that. Howard said if you look like her then the reunion is fun. Howard said when you look like him it's not fun. Howard said now people might want to see him but back then he was invisible. Robin said she had someone try to convince her that they were friends in high school. She said that this woman had a whole history with her that she knew nothing about. Howard said he had some bottom of the barrel types as friends. He said he was aware that he was a loser. He said they had no idea. Howard said they thought they were kind of happening. Howard said at least he had some friends to hang with. Howard said he did get high and listen to music hoping to pass the time quickly. Howard said he had some hot chicks in his school but they didn't look at him. Howard said he's sure Stephen Hawking and Mark Zuckerberg were losers in high school. Howard said Mark is worth like $37 billion or something like that.
Howard read some email about Michael Rapaport being on the Wrap Up Show. People really like him on the show. Gary said Michael has complained about the gift bag he gets and things like that. Howard said the gift bags there are great. Gary said it's not the same for the guests on the show as it is for the Wrap Up Show. Howard said it must be full of lubricants and stuff. Gary said he thinks they stopped giving the bags after Michael complained about it.
Howard read some email about the Jason Ellis interview and how much people liked that. Howard said someone complained about him making it sound like Jason and his dad enjoyed the blowing. Howard said that he didn't do that. Howard said this asshole can't listen to the show anymore. Howard said he was intervening the guy about his father molesting him and he thinks he lightened it up a little bit. He said that's very difficult to do. Robin said she doesn't know many who can do that.
Howard said people are still loving the Bobo Free Summer thing. Howard said people don't want to hear replays of his calls or anything from him at all. Howard said someone asked them to keep it 100 percent Bobo Free including the phone call replays.
Howard read some email about the Jake Gyllenhaal interview. Howard said someone was happy he breathed some life into the guy. Howard said he didn't think he did that. Robin said she would love to breath some life into him. Howard asked if Robin pleasured herself to him. Robin said she has done that thinking about him. Robin said it's a whole story of falling in love when she thinks about that. Howard said that's so complicated. He said she has to think up a whole back story. Robin said it's fun for her.
Howard asked if Robin has ever done that thinking about Peter Dinklage. Robin said she hasn't. She said she didn't go to see him in the movie Pixels either. Howard said he has a clip of a guy giving an awful review to that movie. Howard played the clip of the guy shitting all over that movie. Howard wondered who that guy is. JD said he's known as movie Bob on YouTube. Robin said that he must trash every movie. JD said he loved Mad Max. Robin said he has bad taste then. Howard said he has heard great things about that movie. JD said that he went to see something else at the movies. He said his girlfriend picked. Howard asked if Mad Max is out on video yet. JD said it's coming out soon. Robin said she thought Mad Max just wasn't good. Howard said Charlize Theron is hot. Robin said she looks like a boy in the movie. Howard said that's a good way to make a movie. Howard said he saw her on some talk show and she looked pretty hot. Robin said that commercial she does for Channel is hot. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the box office and how Ant-Man was number 1 for the second week in a row. Robin said it brought in almost $25 million. Robin said that she really liked Ant-Man. Robin said she would recommend that one. Howard said he was going to go but he got busy. Robin said that Minions came in third. Pixels was number 2. Trainwreck came in 4th. Southpaw came in 5th.
Robin read a story about the new CPR guidelines. Howard said he should know stuff like that. Howard said it would be cool to be able to save someone in a restaurant. Robin said she once saw a woman choking to death and she called a friend to come over to help her. She said that she saved the woman's life. Robin said she figured she helped. Howard said that was a smart thing to do. Robin said that woman wrote them a note saying that they were her angels. Howard said you'd think she'd send them a gift. Robin said she was just happy to be a part of that. Howard said he's seem CPR in the movies. He said he saw it on Ray Donovan. Robin said that's right. Howard said you massage that area and then pound on the chest. Howard said then you have to mouth to mouth some dude. Robin said you pinch the nose and clear the airway. Robin said there could be something in there. Robin said they took the sharp blow of the chest out years ago. Robin said less than 8 percent of people who have cardiac arrests outside of the hospital actually survive. Robin said they say that people who get CPR do have a better chance of surviving. Howard said he should learn how to do it or get everyone around him to learn. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about doing CPR to keep the blood moving.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Jon Leiberman's hear surgery. He said he had a quintuple bypass himself. Howard said no one cares. The caller, Shandor, asked if he could come in for a competition of some type but Howard hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for his advice on offing himself. He said he has diabetes and he went blind. He said that it's been about a year. He said he lost all of his sight in his right eye and now it's black and white in his other eye. He said he used to be a truck driver and used to build cars and shit. He said it's been taken away. He said he has a girlfriend who is the best but they're fighting all the time. Howard said he'll give him some limited advice. Howard said he can't joke around him about not being able to see Benjy and all of that. Howard said there are a couple of guys like Psych who is blind. Howard said he makes 2 or 3 songs about Robin a day. Howard said the guy has a great life. Howard said he would be down like this guy too. Howard said he has to learn how to live a new way. Howard said he's sure he can get a lot of help. Howard said he has to throw himself into it and learn how to read Braille and things like that. Howard said he understands he's up against a wall. He said he has to at least explore what his life could be. Howard said maybe the best part of his life is coming up. He said you have to explore all avenues before taking that way out. He said living is better than dying. The caller said he never talked about that stuff in the past. Howard said there are ways of coping. Howard said if you turn to people for help things will get better.
Howard told the caller, Ray, that he can still hear them and he can still beat off. Howard said he has other radio shows to listen to. Ray said his radio was going in and out and it was making him nuts. Howard said he has to get some help. He said he should throw himself into figuring out how to negotiate the world. Howard said Stephen Hawking got himself a wife. Howard said Beetlejuice will be on the show on Wednesday so he can't kill himself now. Howard told him to go for it. Ray thanked Howard for that. He asked if he could plug his girlfriend's website. Howard told him to go ahead. He said it's LuluPopz or something like that.
Robin got back to her news and read more about the CPR thing. She also said she thinks the Apple Watch isn't doing well because it's not named with something catchy. She said it's just apple watch. Robin said Best Buy is going to start selling them soon.
Robin read a story about a member of parliament in England who is resigning after video came out showing him allegedly snorting cocaine off a prostitute's breasts. Robin said the 69 year old may be the first member expelled for bad behavior. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was pinned in her bed when a tree fell on her house. Robin said that she could have been killed. Robin said she was trapped for 2 hours. Robin said she may have been saved because he's was sleeping on her side and not on her back.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if he saw the tapes of the planned parenthood people talking about something disgusting. Howard said he did. Howard said it's not disgusting. Howard said we have enough kids who are unwanted in his world. Howard said stop it already. Howard said we need abortion and we need planned parenthood. Tommy asked if the government should be paying for it. Howard said yes. He said that it's for women who can't afford it. He said come on already. Tommy said he loves Trump. He said he's telling the truth. Howard said he just cares about being a Supreme Court Justice. Tommy said Family Guy pays tribute to the show so much. Howard said he's never seen the show but he has heard about that. He let Tommy go after that. Howard said Planned Parenthood is a good thing and don't worry about it. Howard said everybody is fucking nuts and he's had it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in Israel and he's not sure how to feel now that Iran is about to get a bomb. Howard said he should be scared. Howard said a lot of these rogue countries have atom bombs and now Iran is going to get one. Howard said they all get one eventually.
Robin read a story about Bobbi Kristina Houston dying at the age of 22. Robin said that her death is similar to the death of her mother. Robin said that there are a lot of celebrities paying tribute to her today. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on her death. That led to Fred playing Robin singing a Whitney Houston song.
Robin read a story about the reality show ''I Am Cait'' starting on E! last night. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he will be watching it though. Robin had some clips from the show. One was Caitlyn talking about her suicidal thoughts. Robin said that sounded like Bruce to her. In another clip Caitlyn was talking about hoping she does the right things for the community.
Robin read that Boy George has become friends with Caitlyn. Robin said Caitlyn was at a Culture Club show and she got a standing ovation from the crowd. Robin said they also had a name changing ceremony for Cait and Boy George was there for her.
Howard said he saw Jack Black doing some David Bowie songs with Boy George. Howard said he didn't know Caitlyn was there. Howard said they have to get her on the show. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon asked about what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said they're asking who is tougher to understand, Asian Pete or Fred the Elephant Boy.
Jon said he thinks that over time you kind of get to know how people speak and sound. He said Pete is tough to beat though. Jenny said she agrees. She said the more exposure you have the easier it is to understand. She said she has an 18 month old and she gets what he wants. She said she'd go with Pete in the poll. Jon said Fred is such a nice guy. He said he's had a job for a while and he's very productive. Jon said he roots for him.
Jon said Howard has recently discovered Periscope and he's all about it now. Jon said that High Pitch Eric and Jeff the Drunk are all over it. Jon said Medicated Pete is too. Jon said that this is one step closer to the full interaction. Jenny said she likes doing it but she's not allowed to do it in the house when her husband is around. She said it's so much fun though. She said the one thing is that you can't edit it. She said it is what it is. She said she may have Periscope'd her vagina the first time she did it. She said she has a good time with it. She said she likes showing it to friends who have no idea what it is.
Jenny said she does Instagram and Twitter. She said Vine almost ruined their marriage. She said that she's not sure that another phone thing is going to go over well with her husband. Jon said they'll have to talk to him later about that.
Jon said he can't imagine Howard ever doing it. He said if he does then people would love to see it. He said he thinks that people would love to see him painting or something. Jenny said you can't edit though so that's the tough part. She asked how long you stay engaged. Jon said that Jeff the Drunk has tested that. He keeps people on for hours.
Jon asked what makes a good periscope. Jenny said nudity helps. Jenny said she's not as active as she was about a month ago. She said that's only because her husband isn't crazy about it. She said you also get shitty service.
Jon asked who she'd like to see on Periscope on the cast. Jenny said she'd love to see JD on a date with his girlfriend. Jon said he's not sure he'd do that. Jon said maybe she would though. They went to break a short time later.
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Jason said that Jenny kind of touched on some things. He said she has all of those things that they all do on their phones. He said to add another thing into the phone is crazy. He said she goes into it 150 percent. He said once she got Vine she was speeding all day coming up with something to do. He said it would take hours and it was all bullshit just to get 7 more followers. Jason said then Periscope came out and it's like a time sucker.
Gary said Periscope is terribly intrusive in the office. Jason said there are times that he's gone into the bedroom and she's talking to her phone by herself and answering questions. He said she's talking to herself. He said he walks in scratching his balls and then she'll put the phone up to him and he gets annoyed. Then she's Periscoping their fight. Jenny said then Jason will get on his own and Periscope on his phone.
Jon said their relationship is exhausting. Jon said the issue is when it's not on their terms. Gary said he can imagine Jon showing a concert but not showing himself. Jason said if Jenny was at a U2 concert it would just be her an you wouldn't know if U2 was playing.
Jon said with Jeff the Drunk will this continue. Gary said that's different. He said he has seen photos of the trailer that Jeff lives in is interesting. He said he imagines Hanzi in his basement and he wants to see that. Jon said he has to give Eric the Actor credit for doing what he did on camera. Gary said someone pointed it out the other day that ''I'm club fuckin' footed...'' came from one of those videos.
Jon wondered if people are going to keep watching Jeff. Gary said he's fascinated by Jeff trying to pretend that he's joking with The Lump. He said you know he hates The Lump. Jon said that's the classic thing to do.
Jon said the poll today is asking who is harder to understand, Asian Pete or Fred the Elephant Boy. Gary said that he knows what Elephant Boy is saying. He said he knows him well enough that he can understand him. Jon said that he is a good guy too. Gary said that fanny pack is hysterical. Jon asked if he thinks he's dyeing his hair. Gary said he thinks he is. He said when it's all one color then it's suspicious. He said Fred has lied about a bunch of things though.
Gary said Fred fessed up to shitting his pants that time he showed up to his appearance. He said he thought for sure he was going to deny it but he admitted it right away. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Howard loves it whenever it comes up. Gary said it's become more than what it was. Jon said that some people think Hey Now is the official saying of the show but he thinks Baba Booey is it. Gary said that one of his favorite Baba Booey references was when Peter Griffin said Baba Booey at a congressional meeting or something like that.
Jason asked if the Baba Booey made it over across the pond. Gary said they did but there weren't a lot of them. Jenny said she wished that someone had done it at her wedding. Gary said he was afraid that it would happen at his wedding. He said Jackie wanted to steal his shoes so when he kneeled down the bottom of the shoes would say Baba and Booey.
Jon said he wants to congratulate Benjy on his Sharknado 3 appearance. Jon asked Jenny what she thought of Howard's take on that. Jenny said it's better to just do a cameo. She said that taking yourself too seriously is crazy. She said Frankie Muniz had a big role. Jason said it was more than a cameo but not Ian Ziering's role. Tara Reid was back too. Jason said that SyFy did something where they have her either live or die. He said in part 4 they have the option of her being in it or not. Jenny asked if he wants her in it. Jason said of course he wants her in it. Gary asked if either of them have gotten a call to be in it. Jason said if that call came then he'd probably shoot himself in the mouth. Jason said that's the shot that his agent would hear. Gary asked if that's the last straw in show business. Jason said he doesn't want to dig himself a hole. He said all offers are flattering. Jason said he can imagine that someone hearing him crashing the Wrap Up Show would make them think that he has nothing else going on.
Gary said he was offered the chance to do Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. He said it was decent money but he didn't feel he was a celebrity. He said he felt like doing it would be sending the white flag up the pole. Jason said Gary would rather be fat. Gary said he's right.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he would love to hear High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy all day long. Gary said it's very real. Jon said that they'll try to arrange more of those fights in the future.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was playing golf at a course and he heard a guy yell out Baba Booey and the guy had no idea it was a Stern reference. Jon said he thinks it's become something more than something from the show. Gary said he likes the Baba Booey stuff at the golf games.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll results are. Rahsaan said that Asian Pete got 93 percent of the votes. Jon thanked him for that and gave Jenny and Jason some plugs. They were done around 11:50am.
Howard started the show singing along with his ''Great American Nightmare'' song and then playing Robin singing ''Stayin' Alive'' from yesterday's news. They had added music to her singing during a story about CPR. Howard said everyone is singing. Howard said Arnold Schwarzenegger is singing about the 25th anniversary of Baba Booey. Howard played that Arnold clip where he sings to the tune of the Terminator music.
Howard said speaking of Baba Booey he should play some Baba Booeys that are going on at golf tournaments. Robin said the golf tournaments happen every weekend so they should be happening. Howard played one from the Canadian open. A few people yelled out Baba Booey. Howard said on MSNBC someone yelled out Baba Booey while a reporter was on the air. Howard played that clip too. The reporter was live on the street when a guy came by and yelled out ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey... Howard Stern's penis!''
Howard played another Baba Booey from the Canadian Open with Bubba Watson hitting. That one was a little delayed. Howard said he has another one that's really creative. He played that and the guy yelled out Baba Booey in an Opera voice. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said the fans are great up there in Canada. Howard played another one where a few people yelled it out. Howard said that there were a lot during Bubba Watson.
Howard said it's 25 years ago that Gary said ''Baba Booey'' and it all stems from that. Howard played a fake Hillary Clinton congratulations for the anniversary.
Howard said that Alec Baldwin will be in today. He said he's in the new Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation movie. Howard played a phony phone call that their phony Arnold Schwarzenegger made to a gym where he asked them not to wipe down their machines or clean their showers. The guy he was talking to said they have to clean the bathrooms. Arnold said he's sick of this clean shit. He told the guy he wanted to work out with him and do it naked. The guy said he can't do that. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he just read that $175,000 Willie Mays baseball card was stolen from Rob Schneider. Howard said that his house was burglarized over the weekend. Howard said they say that he lost that card in the burglary. Howard said they say the card was in a safe. Howard said he had the other cards in another area. Howard said they say the card is so rare that it's almost impossible to fence it. Howard said that's how rare the card is. Howard said he never understood the baseball card collecting but that's something else. He said that he didn't know Rob even had that much money. Howard said Schneider's main card collection is in another location so they weren't stolen. Howard said now he doesn't have to feel so bad for Rob now that he knows how much money he has. Howard said he hopes they catch the person who stole it.
Robin said there was an armored card that left a bag of money on the side of the road and someone stopped and stole it. Robin said they're trying to find the people in the van that grabbed it. Robin said they're looking for those people now. Robin said the armored card guy may have forgotten the bag on the side of the street. Howard said it's rare that you hear that someone turned in something they found. Robin said it usually goes like this. Howard said he can't steal. He said he was never able to do that. He said he has too much morality to do that.
Howard said tonight's America's Got Talent is really good. He said Marlon Wayans is on as a guest judge. Howard said there's one guy who comes out and does a puppet show and it's really good. He said tonight he has a baby with him and it's really good. He said his ventriloquism is really good. He said you don't see his lips move. Howard said you see his Adam's apple move a little bit but it's really good. Howard said there are people saying he's still negotiating with NBC to come back. He said that's just not true. He said he's left the show and he won't be returning next season. Howard said he will continue with this season though. Robin said she's going to miss the people from NBC. Howard said he's not sure he will. Robin said Howard misses the people from his movie. Howard said he does. He said he will miss some of the guys over there.
Howard said that's one of those moments that's real and another reporter moves her out of the way. He said that's why TV sucks.
Howard said last night's Bachelorette was great. He said that woman is so fucking cute. He said she's adorable. Howard said she has that upper lip that has that curve to it. He said she's kind of petite and doesn't have big titties. He said it's kind of hot. He said she's got some tattoos too. He said she's really cute. Howard said she's so self loathing that she had to pick someone without a personality. Howard said they're going to end up breaking up. He said she's so cute though. He said her name is Kaitlyn.
Howard said he loves that show. He said god bless Bachelor Nation. He said it's such a great TV show. Robin said that there's no way the two who were there should have been there. Howard said he stayed up late to watch. He said he was up even for After the Final Rose.
Howard told Fred to look this girl up. He said she's so cute. Howard asked what Fred's daughter watches. Fred said she watches America's Got Talent. Howard asked if he'll bring her to the live shows. Fred said he'll ask if she wants to go. Howard said he was there last year. Fred said he was. Howard took back the invitation after he didn't agree to come right away.
Howard said tonight's America's Got Talent will be very good. He said Marlon Wayans is very good. He said there are a lot of great acts on tonight. Howard said his mom complains about the acts that hurt themselves. Howard said she gets infuriated by that kind of thing. He said he had to ask her not to hassle him over that. Robin said it was just silly to have a woman trying to blow herself up. Howard said he loved that. Howard said a lot of those people get eliminated quickly though.
Howard said he really enjoys the closeness he has with his wife. He said he doesn't want to use other women either. He said he's not sure what they expect out of that kind of situation. Howard said they can get hurt if they never get another call. Robin asked about women who show up to those parties where they do that. Howard said he feels sorry for those women too. Howard said they're looking for guys. Robin said maybe they're looking for sex. Howard said no. He said they're just so damaged that they think that's the only way a guy is going to pay attention to them.
Howard said it took him years to figure that stuff out. He said he will be watching porn and his conscience goes right out the window.
Wolfie asked Howard if he had to do a threesome and he had to do it with a guy... Howard said that's not happening. He said it's gay to do it with a guy in the room. Howard said he's not doing it. He said you're gay if you're double teaming a woman with another guy. Howard said that's fine but just get the girl out of the room.
Wolfie asked what guy on the staff he would want in the room with him. Howard said no one. Robin mentioned Benjy. Howard was creeped out by that. Howard said if you think like a straight man you want the most disgusting guy on the staff. Howard said you'd go with someone like Jason who is overweight. Howard said you go with the guy who is least ripped. Howard said JD is good too. Howard said a girl is going to throw up seeing JD. JD told Howard to calm down. Howard said he heard JD thinks the Bachelorette has a weird eye. Robin said she does not. JD said she does. Howard said JD is weird.
Howard and Robin talked more about The Bachelorette finale. They were talking about the guys in the show and how dumb they are. Howard did his impression of one of the guys with a really dopey voice.
Howard said he stayed up until 11 last night watching the show. He said he had to see their Wrap Up Show. Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about that show.
Wolfie said he thinks that Fred would be close enough to Howard that he'd do a threesome. Howard said he and Fred did the Real Doll but not together. Howard said they each fucked a different hole on that thing.
Howard said he never saw any weird eye thing. Howard said now JD has a girlfriend and he's super particular. Howard said he's finding everything wrong with this woman. JD said he just sees what he sees. Howard said on a scale of 10 what is she to him. JD said he'd give her a 7 or 8. Howard said he'd give her an 8 or 9. JD said she's not the hottest Bachelorette. JD said there was some blonde chick that was hot. Howard asked who the hottest chick is on FOX news right now. JD said Andrea Tantaros. Howard told JD to come in there with some pictures. Howard didn't know her. JD said she's on Instagram now and she has some really hot pictures. Howard said he wants to see that.
Howard said JD has gotten real big. JD said he's the same. Howard said he is not. JD said he's between 200 and 215. Howard said he's like 5'7'' tall. JD said he's 5'8''. He said he's 220 at the most. Howard said ''Wow!''
Howard said that Andrea chick is hot. He said she's covering her head though. Howard asked JD what he eats for breakfast. JD said he had some peanuts earlier. He said he doesn't really eat breakfast. Howard asked how many he had. JD said he doesn't know. Fred played an elephant sound. JD said he doesn't need that. Howard asked what he had for dinner. JD said he had a roast beef thing on a croissant. Howard said there's no way that's all he's eating. JD said he doesn't eat healthy. He said he doesn't move. Howard said he's got to be lying. JD laughed. Howard asked what's funny. Fred said it takes a lot of food to get that big. Fred told Howard that Andrea is dating Dave Navarro.
Howard had JD get on the scale. JD got on and said it says 211. Howard said no way. JD said he swears that's what it said. Howard said that scale has to be on constantly. Gary turned it on so Howard could see it. Howard told JD to get back on it. JD got on and it said 210. Howard said he's all proud of that. JD said he actually lost weight. Howard said he'll say he's 205 since he has clothes on.
Howard said he has a Mick the Nerd clip to play. He said they went to Too Many Games-Con. Howard was going to play that but he said he had The Bachelorette on the phone. Howard took the call from a fake Kaitlyn who said that she finds wombats more attractive than JD. She said her wonky eye isn't looking at him. She said if she's a 7 or 8 then JD is a 7 or 8 chinned person. She said a guy who can tittie fuck himself is judging her. Howard let fake Kaitlyn go a short time later.
Howard hung up on Wolfie accidentally. He said he was going to get an update on Mick the Nerd. Howard told him to call back.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who said that Daniel Mendelson is the greatest. He said he met him at an event once and it was great. Tommy asked about the comment that Mike Huckabee made about the Iran deal and how it's like marching the Jews to the oven. Howard said he didn't think it was offensive. He said he thinks a lot of the shit he's saying is nutty but he was making a lot of sense about that deal. Robin said that it must be an accident if he said something that made sense. Tommy said a stuck clock is right twice a day. Robin said that's true.
Howard got Wolfie back on the phone and said that he has some Mick the Nerd clips to play. Howard said Wolfie found Mick. Howard said Mick the Nerd is funny to listen to. He said he has great knowledge of nerdy things like video games and comic book characters. Howard said he is the definition of nerd. Howard said here he is at Too Many Games-Con. Howard said that's not a great name for a convention.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Mick about video games. Robin said she didn't understand what he said. Howard said he talked about jerking off to an animated character.
Howard played another clip of Mick talking about how he has pissed himself playing a video game. He said he was just so into it that he didn't get up to go. He also talked about playing a game for 15 hours straight. He said he played Sly Cooper 4 all the way through without taking a break.
Howard said they have a Mick the Nerd vs JD bit that they put together. Howard played that and it was JD and Mick talking about video games. Robin read about what Sly Cooper is and told Howard about that.
Howard said they're putting the money together to do a Win Fred's Money-like game with Mick the Nerd. Howard said that Mick can make some money in that too. Howard said that should be good.
Wolfie said Mick is the most ethical guy. Howard was trying to play a tape but Wolfie was talking over him. Howard had to ask him to shut up. Howard played more of Mick talking about all of the Nintendo games that have been made over the years. Mick rattled off a really long list. Robin said he was cheating by sticking to the Mario games at the start of that. Howard said it's like there's a rule with her.
Howard played a clip of Mick interacting with a woman at the game con. In the clip Mick was talking about the Kirby character and he asked her what her relationship status is. She said she's engaged to games. Mick said that he constantly counts his teeth and there are 28. Howard said the woman walked away from him there. Howard said Mick isn't a bad looking guy. Wolfie said he has that beard though. Howard said it's kind of a ZZ Top kind of look. Robin said you need to have money to have a beard like that. Wolfie said Mick grows that beard all year long and he said he shaves it once a year. Mick shaves it off on January 1st and he can't do it on the show if they're not live that day. Howard said it's like OCD.
Howard got back to the convention clips and Wolfie went up to someone and thought it was a dude. It turns out it was a woman and she had to correct him over that. Wolfie said he couldn't tell.
Howard had a compilation clip of Mick the Nerd making all kinds of strange noises. He played that quick clip and then played a clip of Mick talking to someone dressed as Sub Zero. Mick asked him questions and busted the guy on his lack of knowledge of the character.
Howard asked Wolfie if he players any of these games. Wolfie said he isn't into it like they are. Howard said Yucko the Clown plays a lot of the games. Howard had Yucko on the phone. Howard said he's a comedian and he should stop with the games. Howard said he's online arguing with kids. Howard said he played for 35 hours last weekend. Yucko said he's not getting any chicks. Howard said Yucko plays a game called Destiny and if you get this Gjallarhorn it's really rare. Howard said there are kids playing the game and they break down in tears when they get the weapon. Yucko said he has gotten one and he got very excited.
Howard played a clip of a guy freaking out when he gets this Gjallarhorn thing. Robin said this guy should have won the Bachelorette. She said he's more excited than that guy was.
Howard asked why this thing is so rare. Yucko said it's just a rare thing that drops into the game. Howard said he wishes Yucko would get that excited about a job. Howard played another clip of a guy freaking out about getting a Gjallarhorn. Howard said when a doctor calls and says you don't have cancer that's the kind of reaction you should have. Howard said he didn't even get that excited when he had his first kid.
Howard played another clip of a kid getting excited about getting a Gjallarhorn. Howard said this kid has a complete breakdown. Howard said this is how excited you should be when you're inside Andrea Tantaros. Howard let that clip play a little longer and he kid was hyper ventilating over it. Howard said this guy's life changed in no way. He asked Yucko how many times he's gotten one. Yucko said he's gotten it a couple of times. Howard said it's so embarrassing. Yucko said watching The Bachelorette is embarrassing. Howard said at least that involves a hot chick. Howard said he might be a douche bag but at least he doesn't have a Gjallarhorn.
Howard said he has one more of the Gjallarhorn thing. Howard played the clip and this kid freaks out about it and starts screaming like a little girl.
Howard asked Yucko how you keep playing when you're that excited. Yucko said it's at the end of a mission when you get it. He said all of your loot pops up at the end. He said it's the rewards at the end. Howard asked if it's worse to find out your kid is on drugs or that he's excited over a Gjallarhorn. Robin said she'd take the drugs kid. Howard played more of the kid flipping out over the Gjallarhorn.
Yucko said he does game with some real men like Jerry O'Connell. Robin said at least he's married to a super model. Howard said Yucko is probably calculating how he can get a Gjallarhorn and get a Rebecca Romijn. Howard asked if Jerry has ever gotten a Gjallarhorn. Yucko said he's fucking his Gjallarhorn. Howard said Rebecca still looks good.
Howard said way to go to Yucko. Robin said now they know what really excites Yucko. Howard said he needs to get out there to the clubs. Howard said when he got that cartoon he thought he could retire. Not now. Yucko said they have another pilot in the works. Howard said he's pulling for him. He said he has to get away from the video games. He said he has work to do. Yucko said he knows. Howard said that's 35 hours he could have put into his comedy act. Yucko said he's a level 34 Warlock though. Howard said he could be tutoring people in the games. Howard asked if he could do that. Yucko said for the right price he could.
JD came in and said that he heard about this guy who was banned from playing a game called League of Legends because he was helping people play to get their scores up. He was being paid to do it. Howard said he has heard about things like that. Howard said he played chess against a guy and he's pretty sure he used a computer to cheat. Howard let Yucko and Wolfie go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Robin said it's odd when she hears Bruce talking like a woman and sees her there with her legs open and things like that. Howard said Robin is tough today.
Howard said he has a new Chris Wilding call. Howard played that clip where Chris calls a religious radio show and says the word ''cunt'' while talking about a wart the doctor found in ''her'' and the host of the show hangs up on him. Then Chris calls back and said the same thing and repeated ''cunt'' a few times. The host said they have to use the technical term if they're going to talk about that. Then Chris calls in again talking about how disturbing those calls were and how his daughter hasn't been that upset since they found a big, black wart up her cunt. The host lectured him over that of course.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw that Caitlyn Jenner is going to pose for Playboy for $5 million. Howard said he's not sure that's true but it would be fantastic. The caller said they said she wouldn't be the first to pose. Howard said Toula was the first. Howard said that would be a big selling issue for them. The caller said he's not sure he'd look. Howard said he knows he would. The caller said maybe he would because he's never seen that. Howard said he's straight but he wants to see Caitlyn's boobies and what's doing. Howard said he's not sure there is a vagina there. Howard said he may have to push his cock and balls behind him.
Howard said he has the top 5 songs and has Caitlyn Jenner singing them. Howard played the songs with fake Caitlyn and Elephant Boy singing some of the songs.
Howard took a call from a woman who went back and forth with Howard saying hello and asking if they could hear each other. Howard was just giving her a hard time. Howard said they have established contact after a few seconds of that. Howard asked again if she can hear him. She said she can. She asked if he can hear her. Fred had the 2001 A Space Odyssey theme music playing while Howard and Christine did that. Howard said tomorrow they'll try to reach New Jersey with this new device. Christine said she has been listening about Howard's yogurt and blueberries and things. Howard cut her off and asked if she can hear him. She said she can but Howard said he has to go. He hung up on her. Howard said that was fucking crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy named Lee and he did the same thing with him asking if he could hear him. They went back and forth doing that for a few seconds. Lee said they keep playing calls from Chris Wilding and he wonders if Sal and Richard are still there. Howard said of course they are. He said they did the Arnold Schwarzenegger thing. Howard said Sal is up to something weird. He said that he's tweeting for a skin cream company. He said it just bums him out. He said Sal is up to something. He said it's obvious that he's been paid something. Howard read the tweet he sent. Sal came in and said this guy sent him some skin cream and it's really good. He said he has tried a bunch of skin cream products and this one was really good. He said he wasn't giving him plugs or anything.
Sal said he was on the news this morning. He said he was talking about Caitlyn Jenner and the Boy Scouts on the news on channel 12. Howard kicked him out after that. Howard said Sal and Richard are still there. The caller said he hopes Howard sicks around for a lot more years there. Howard let him go and went to break.
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The caller asked if they'd ever consider doing a contest to see Robin's boobs. Howard ignored him. He asked Benjy about getting hair plugs. Benjy said he's scared about doing that. Howard said he looks like he got into a fight with a Sharpie pen and it won. Robin said Benjy looks deflated. He's wearing a shirt that looks like a Mumu. Benjy said he just started buying some t-shirts and stuff.
The caller asked if Benjy would float like a parachute if he jumped out of a plane. Benjy said probably. Howard let the caller go saying that he was kind of interrupting the flow of the conversation. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's trying to figure out what to play before Alec Baldwin gets there. Howard said he has more Bobo songs and a bunch of other stuff. Howard asked Robin what he should play. She picked a Big Foot interview thing. Howard played a clip where Sal asked if he was for or against illegal immigration. Big Foot said doesn't care. He hung up on Sal.
Howard said he has Angry Alice audio. He played a clip of her talking about illegal immigrants and told them to get the fuck out of her country. Howard said she's dead set against that. Howard said he has Daniel Carver talking about that too. Daniel said he's all for white immigration but not for Mexican immigration. He was talking about how much they're taking away from us. Robin said he has an interesting argument. He's talking about how Mexican's and blacks are animals but Whites are stupid. Robin said he thinks everyone is dumb.
Howard said that Eric must be against illegal immigration. Howard played audio of Eric talking about that saying he's sick of paying taxes for them and he's sick of freeloaders. Howard said Tan Mom must be confused about this. He played audio of Tan Mom talking about the illegal immigrants.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd like to hear Bobo back on the show. Howard said Bobo will be back after serving his sentence. He said he may be back as soon as September 15th.
Howard read some email about Elephant Boy and what went on yesterday. Howard said that this person loved hearing Elephant Boy and High Pitch Eric going at each other. Howard said someone else said that it was radio gold. Howard said someone asked him to have Caitlyn Jenner on the show and hypnotize her to think that her cock is gone. Howard said someone told him to watch Orange is the new Black but he's already tried. He said he can't get into it. Howard said someone wrote in about Jeff Jarvis calling in about the podcast thing. Howard said he just wants to be left alone.
Howard said someone wrote in about King of All Blacks. Howard read some feedback about his call. Howard had a song about Bobo that Psych wrote. Howard played that as well. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said Alec Baldwin is there and he's in the movie ''Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation'' which opens this Friday. Howard said it's the first time Alec has worked with Tom Cruise. Howard said he looks good. Howard said he's sure his wife keeps him in line with that. Alec said she does. Robin said she saw that the restaurant where they met is closed. Alec said it is. He said they were walking down the street one day and he randomly picked that place to go into. He said he saw his future wife in there. Howard said he's so bad at that. He said he can't do that. Howard said he was invited to a dinner party and met Beth there. He said it was very natural. Howard said when you have to make the move he can't do that. He said he and Beth were seated together.
Howard said he was thinking about Alec. He said he loved the Mission Impossible movie. Howard said he was thinking about his career and how he was Jack Ryan and he left that world. Howard said he thought that was a mistake to leave that franchise. Alec said he thinks he's right. Alec said he left because at that time they had a deal with someone else. He said that they owed that person a deal and they got rid of him to do another movie. Howard said that movie made hundreds of millions. Alec said no one is safe in the movie business. Alec said they've had like 11 guys play Batman. Howard said most of them had been done with the franchise. Howard said Michael Keaton walked away from it. Howard said he thought Alec walked away. Alec said he doesn't think about it that much anymore. He said that dealing with them became very difficult.
Howard asked if it's tough working with Tom Cruise. Alec said he's only 4 years younger than him. He said that he has maintained himself at a level that's a full time job. He said he assumes his life is scheduled in a way that he can be a father and a producer and act and all of that is a full time job. He said he has to work all day long.
Howard asked if he asked Tom about how balanced his life is. Alec said that he has to have one. He said they're so busy. He said those guys in the lead have to go fly all over the world now. He said they're going all over to promote the films. Howard said you have to applaud the way he dedicates himself to his films. Alec said he's the last guy they're giving that kind of money to for a film. He said that Ghost Protocol made more money than all of the others so they were shocked by that. Howard asked if he worries about this one. Alec said he does. He said he doesn't want to be the one who jinxes the franchise.
Alec said he did a movie based on where they were filming it. He said he did this Spanish movie and the movie is very funny. He said this was the 5th in the franchise and it was a bomb. He said that's why he worries about the jinx thing.
Howard asked Alec about Tom and if it's very serious on the set. Alec said it is. He said they're trying to shoot as much as they can. He said that it's very technical now. He said you do what you have to do to get into the role.
Howard said Alec has said his first job on a soap opera was his favorite. Howard said his first job was the worst. He said he was on WRNW and he was awful. Howard said it makes him work harder so he never has to get back to that place. Alec said that he remembers a guy named Stewart and they had cue cards. He said this was on The Doctors. He said they'd have a cue card guy over his shoulder. He said his first day on the show you can hear the guy tapping on the cue cards to show him his line. Alec said the guy who played his father said his line and you can hear the tapping on the cue card to remind him what his line was.
Howard said Alec went to George Washington university. Howard said he thought he was going to be president of the United States. Alec said he did. He said he was in a group of 6 at the college and they all thought they were going to be President. Howard said Alec got the acting bug and then went to NYU. Alec said his friend dared him to do it. He said he had run for president of his class and he lost.
Howard said he transfers to NYU and his family cried over it. Alec said his mother was screaming at him over the phone. He said he only had one more year to go at George Washington. He said that it was going to cost his parents less to go to NYU. He said he got a scholarship to go there. Howard said he must have been a good actor. Alec said he was like the one straight guy in the class. He said they needed one. Alec said he got in and he remembers explaining to his parents that it was going to be cheaper. He said his mother told him he was insane. He said his father said they should listen to what he has to say when he told them it was less money.
Howard said for his thesis he got a hold of Al Pacino. Alec said he did. He said he wanted to do a paper about him. He said he ended up leaving NYU to work. He said he didn't have enough credits to graduate. He said in 1994, 15 years later, he had met Al Pacino and he wanted to do a paper. He said Pacino was one guy who kept going back to the stage. He said that most people go from the stage to movies and don't go back. He said Pacino is going back again. Howard asked what kind of pay they get. Alec said he knows people who get $125,000 a week if they're big stars and they have a good deal.
Alec told Howard about how he got the Al Pacino interview. He said he did it for 9 hours with little breaks. Howard asked if he was nervous. Alec said of course he was. He said when you meet your peers you admire them. He said he admires Tom and what he's doing. He said Tom is still happy and at the top of his game. Howard said he thought he ruined his career when he did the Oprah show and jumped up and down on the couch.
Alec said that he's doing his Podcast again for NPR. He said he'd like him to do the show. Howard said he doesn't like doing them but he does like talking to Alec. Alec said that they were talking about this documentary about Scientology and the guy who did it. He said they did it and in it they say some very damning things. He said people can say things about you and have opinions but to imply criminal charges against someone isn't right. He said he's not saying they got it wrong but you have to prove that someone did something. He said you can't just throw mud on you and not prove it. He said they say some ugly things about Tom in the movie but he doesn't take it that seriously. Alec said he has worked in the business and he remembers working with Tony Hopkins, Merryl Streep and others. He said that he enjoyed working with Tom and had more fun working with him than anyone. He said he was right up there with everyone else.
Alec said he was in an elevator at the Wyndham hotel one morning with Burt Lancaster. He said he was pissing his pants. He said you meet Sean Penn and you're like ''Hi Sean'' but with Burt Lancaster it's something else.
Howard said with the Scientology thing he looks at it in a different way. He said that every religion is wacky and he's not sure why anyone would goof on that one when their religion is just as goofy.
Alec said that Tom has been in the business since he was a kid. He said he wasn't born on the sound stage. He said Tom became this phenomenon and his career just keeps going and going. He said he's been the biggest for 25 years or something. He said maybe there's something that helped him deal with that. He said whatever you need to do to get through that, who gives a shit. He said that if he's not hurting anyone then it's fine. He said he doesn't know if they're hurting anyone or not. He said he and Tom had a ball working together. He said it's like the height of movie making. He doesn't care what he's doing with Scientology.
Howard asked Alec if he gets upset when they're done shooting a movie. Alec said that he got really upset when 30 Rock ended. He said he knew that nothing like that would ever happen again. He said they had the greatest writers there. He told Howard about how great it was working there. He said he runs into some of the guys sometimes. He said he has 2 kids himself now though so he doesn't have a lot of free time.
Howard asked how into politics he is now. Alec said it's zero. Alec said that he wants Howard's opinion on something though. He said that Trump's candidacy is interesting. He said that he's the front runner right now but it's a long way off until the election. Howard said it is a bit of a phenomenon. Alec said if Trump was the nominee it's exactly what we deserve with our system the way it is. He said he would love to see him win and run for president. Alec said he's a huge campaign finance reform guy. He said that these guys are like NASCAR drivers with their supporters. He said you have to raise sick amounts of money to run. Howard asked if he's backing Hillary. Alec said he's not backing anyone.
Alec said he wanted to do a talk show on a network. He said they told him to do one on MSNBC. He said they were going to give him something and he wanted to do it so he can stay home. Alec said he doesn't do much press. He said he does Howard's show and one news paper. He said that he likes this format better. Alec said he does the show with MSNBC and they wanted to work it out for a year. He said then maybe they'd put him on the network. Alec said Howard does it best. He said that he rolls in and does what he wants to do and they pay him very well. Howard said he has a good life. Alec said he wants Howard's bread crumbs. He said he was going to do that show. He said he went to MSNBC. He said it changed his life. He said that it's a complete waste of time. Howard said it seemed like a good idea. He was going to move his interview show there and develop that to end up on NBC.
Howard said Alec was an early supporter of Mayor DeBlasio. Alec said things changed there too. Howard said that he got behind him early on. Howard said he was there for him early on. Now they're not even talking. Alec said he has nothing to do with any political thing now.
Alec said Howard is out there and not really backing anyone. He said if he had Howard's house he'd want to stay home too. Alec said he was out at a charity event one night and everyone loved it. He said a political figure walked in and the guy was tense because he wasn't being recognized. Alec said you could see him writhing in agony. Alec said holding office has been devalued so much in the past 20 years. Alec said this guy came into the room and it's just not the same as it used to be. He said he has a big job and holding this office and it's not what it used to be 20 years ago.
Howard said he finds senators to be very bright people but he finds it hard to believe that anyone would even want that job. Alec and Howard spent a little time talking about that. Robin was wondering who the guy was that walked into the room. Alec wasn't saying who it was though.
Alec told Howard how great this movie is. He said it's big budget action and it's great. Alec said when he does a movie like that he wants to fit in with the band. He said you don't want to have the focus on you. He said you want to do it and fade into the background. He said they always want him to play someone with a lot of words to say. Howard said he is that guy. Alec said he is getting old and can't memorize all of this stuff. He said some days he goes home with a splitting headache. Howard said some guys say that it's a muscle. Alec said it's an emotional muscle. He said you worry about getting fired.
Howard said he remembers when Alec joined Knots Landing. He said that was a show he watched and Alec was the hunk on the show. Alec said he joined that show in the 10th season. He said they were already humming right along. Alec said that the guy doing his make up was Billy Reynolds. He said he used to do Elvis' make up. He said the guy would tell him stories and tell him how great Elvis was. He said that he'd cry telling him stories about Elvis. Alec said Howard is in his bullpen with his crowd. He said when you do a movie or TV show you're in a new group. He said doing TV or film can be very rewarding. Alec said he did Mission Impossible and he got to meet another crowd. He said the lead woman in the movie is a great actress and she's very pretty. Her name is Rebecca Ferguson.
Howard asked if he watches himself in his movies and TV shows. Alec said he never watches himself on TV. He said that he doesn't want to see what he did wrong. He said he remembers doing things wrong. Howard asked Alec if he ever looks back at a movie and thinks he stunk it up really bad. Alec said you shouldn't do the movie in the first place if you're not confident. He said you can't be cocky. He said you need confidence though. Alec said here are films that he feels he shouldn't have done. He said that some were favors that people asked him to do. He said he was going to do a film once that he had to back out of. He said he had to settle with Universal. He said they told him he had to pay or give them some work. He said he had to do a movie for them to settle it. He said he did Mercury Rising to settle it. He said he did that with Bruce Willis. He said that he just did it to settle the litigation. He said that's what they don't realize when they review movies. He said they don't know how that person got into that room to play that part.
Alec said that most films made now are independent. He said that they will let someone direct if they wrote the movie. He said they save money doing that. He said they are in the era of the writer/director. Howard said they're two different skills. Alec said that some of them are very talented. He said you are taking a huge chance with them. Alec said that Spielberg is someone who can do a film that not may can do. He said he goes in and makes a movie and he's about how loud a door opening should be and things like that. Howard asked how many guys have that ability. Alec said that Spielberg is the most talented there.
Howard said Ivan Reitman is like that too. He said he knows why they don't get laughs. He said that he changed one scene to show how just moving his head one way would change it.
Howard said he heard a story about Alec a where he was told he was getting the job on Knots Landing. Alec said he went to the set to audition for the casting director. He said it's like animals in a stud farm. He said he had to do the audition with a woman named Lisa Hartman. He said that he did the audition and got really detailed about where he was and what he had to do. Howard said you have to look the part too. He said he has to look like he has chemistry with Lisa. Alec said he did. He said he had to throw her down on the couch. Alec said he was the only one in there doing the audition. He said he used to do commercial auditions and there were like 25 perfect looking guys like Rob Lowe. He said that they all knew each other too. He said they'd all be talking about the butch things they did that weekend. Alec said the girls walk in and they're all 25 and perfect looking too. He said it's like 25 Christie Brinkley's walking in with 25 Rob Lowes.
Howard brought up Robert Downey Jr. who has made a comeback like that. Alec said he was dead on the table and he came back and made like 150 million.
Howard asked about Goodfellas and if he thought that was going to be great. Alec said they were chasing after a lot of people to do that movie. He said that he wanted to be in it. Alec said that he thinks that directors are primary. He said what DiCaprio has now is that he's talented, handsome and young. He said he has that glow that he brings to a movie. He said he also has Marty as a benefactor. Howard said De Niro had that too.
Howard got back to the Knots Landing thing. Alec said this was in 1983 or so. He said there were no cell phones. He said he got on a pay phone and called his agent. He said he told him he thought it went well. He said his agent said they loved him and wanted to hire him. He said that they wanted to give him $12,500 per episode and ''25'' for the pilot. He said he thought it was $2,500. He said that his agent told him it was 25,000. He said he was going to make more money in a year than his dad makes in 10 years. He said it was kind of sad in a way.
Howard said in 1988 he was in the movies She's Having a Baby, Beetlejuice, Married to the Mob, Working Girl and talk Radio. Alec said those were the good times. Howard said if that's really what it was. Alec said it's all about how you learn to make decisions and things like that. He said he did movies that he shouldn't have done. Howard asked if he had someone giving him advice. Alec said he did. He said he had an agent. He said he eventually had to switch agents because the movie companies will talk to who they want to talk to. He said that was one of his most painful moments. He said that his agent cried. He said they were dear friends. Alec said that Hollywood is a system and it changes. He said there is a small group of people that they'll deal with.
Howard asked Alec if he was upset when he didn't win the Oscar when he was nominated. Alec said of course he was. He said you wonder if you'll ever be nominated again. Howard said he thinks that the year he and Steve Martin hosted the Oscars was the best. Howard said it was a great team. Alec said that there was an odd feeling in that room. He said that the Academy makes 90 percent of their money on that night. He said they have no desire to have the show go long or anything like that. Howard asked if he would do it again. Alec said no way to that. He said everyone who hosts it never wins. He said maybe Billy and Steve win but no one else.
Howard said he felt it was strange that he took the job at MSNBC. Howard asked if he's enjoying acting again. Alec said he just wants to stay home. He said that he gets offered jobs but no one has money. He said he did 5 trips to do Mission Impossible and his wife came along a couple of times. He said he is the luckiest man in the world.
Alec said Howard has taken his job and beaten the shit out of it. He said that he is like 58-0. Robin said they had some tough times in the beginning. Alec said that they want to hear those stories but his point is that he's 57 years old and he has two young children. He said none of that other stuff matters. Howard asked if it's relaxing at home. Alec said there is stress. He said his wife is breast feeding their new born. He said that the most important thing is being a father and husband and sometimes he comes home and he's wiped out. He said the rule is that he's happy when he's with them rather than not with them. He said his wife is the greatest person he's ever been with. Alec said he jokes with people that he has an idea for a show he wants to do. He said he has a job out there in the ether and he wants to be on that show. Alec said the show is on now that he would do that you'd never expect him to do. Howard asked if it's a comedy or a drama. Alec said he'd be hosting something. He said the thing is that he'd host Wheel of Fortune if they asked him to. He said he'd host Family Feud. Howard said he's right there with him. He said he'd do that too.
Howard asked Alec if he wants to go out that way. Alec said they both know people who have made a lot of money in the business. Alec said he is divorced and he has an older daughter. He said he wants to go out with his wife and kids thinking he was a good dad. He said that they're all going to die. He said Howard is going to die. Alec said he doesn't want to die because his life is great right now. Howard said he loves his wife and things are good for him too. Alec said you don't want it to end. He said he just wants his home to be happy. He said if he had a show that he could make money with he'd be set. Howard said he should tell him the show. Howard said if he really doesn't care he should tell him.
Howard asked why he doesn't want to tell him what show it is. Alec said there's a guy hosting the show already. Howard said he's leaving America's Got Talent if he wants that. Howard said he feels that 4 years is enough for him. Alec asked if they had a bump in ratings when he went to America's Got Talent. Howard said they don't really have ratings. He said they have subscribers. Howard said he thinks Alec cares about his legacy. Alec said when you get to his age you have a financial plan and you have to throw that out and start a new one when you have a new wife and kids.
Howard asked Alec if he has a list of movies he's doing. Alec said he just did MI5 with Tom and he hopes he gets to do another one. He said he loved working with the director and the people in the movie. He said he did a movie with Will Smith called Concussion that will be out later this year.
Howard asked if he was heart broken when the MSNBC thing didn't work out. He said they got rid of him after 5 shows. Alec said the ratings matter on cable. He said the way it works is that they make you take other shows when you want a certain show. He said that they bundle it that way. He said when he went to MSNBC the vibe was ''don't complain about the sets and scripts.'' He said they were saying they don't do things in a certain way. He said they're that bundled package that they're forcing people to take. He said they all have good paying jobs and they don't want him rocking the boat.
Howard said he thought that he and Rachel Maddow were on the same page politically. Alec said he wouldn't agree with that. He said MSNBC has on guests who would never be on another show. He said they don't pay well over there. Alec said they all had no business being on TV and they didn't want him rocking the boat. He said he told them all of their sets look like Soviet police stations. He said they couldn't wait to get rid of him and that's why it lasted 5 shows.
Howard said he felt like he was getting overwhelmed with the press coverage. He said he was upset with Harvey Levin and TMZ and all of that. Alec said that he did an interview about Levin and he thinks they're going to be coming out with that soon. Howard said that must drive him crazy. Alec said the biggest problem with TMZ is that it's owned by Warner Brothers. He said it used to be in their interest to keep things quiet but now they expose it. Howard asked if he has ever gone to the other actors and brings that up. Alec said they live in a world now where there's a lot of envy. He said he had a guy yelling ''fuck you'' to him at a premiere. He said that he's thinking that his dad had 6 kids and they didn't have a lot of money. He said they live in a world now and there is a lot of envy. He said the NY Times is guilty of what TMZ does. He said everyone is guilty of it. He said they used to just do a little bit of that 20 years ago. Now they bring it all out. Alec said he doesn't talk to those people anymore. He said he goes out to do press and he'll check off The Wall Street Journal and Howard and that's it.
Howard said it seems like Alec doesn't care about having his picture taken anymore. Alec said once he had his kids he realized that he can't bring them into that. He said one photographer was trying to take his picture and he fell into a baby carriage and on to a baby. He said people don't see that. He said they think this comes with the territory. Howard said that's the envy again. Alec said that he zen'd out for his kids. He said that he sits with his back to the people in restaurants and he wants as little as possible going on. Howard asked if he went to therapy. Alec said when he was getting divorced he was in a custody struggle and you are sentenced to anger management if you say the wrong thing. He said even if you correct her on the time you're forced to go. Alec said his therapist was great. He said his name was Ray Giuseppe and he changed his life.
Howard asked if he hangs out with any celebrity types. Alec said they're out in the Hamptons in the summer. He said he wanted Howard and Beth to come over for dinner but they're not available. Alec said that friends depend on schedules. He said that Howard doesn't want to go out every night. He said most of his friends are not famous people. He said he sees Seinfeld out at events in the Hamptons. He said that his best friend is Lorne Michaels and he adores him. Howard said Alec's wife is very sexy. Alec said that Howard used to say dreadful things about his ex wife. Howard said she was the hottest woman on the planet. Howard said she was Kim Bassinger. Howard said Alec married one of the greatest sex symbols of their time. Alec asked what happened. Howard said it seemed like a smart move at the time. Alec said that's his greatest regret.
Howard said Alec is a big time actor and he didn't have to stop the party and marry her. Alec said Beth is lovely. Alec said his wife is a lovely woman too and she lives a very disciplined life. Howard said she does these yoga poses that are fantastic too. Howard asked if the sex life is still good. Alec laughed. He said they may have a third and maybe even a 4th or 5th. He said he needs money to do that. He said he has to host Family Feud or something. Howard said it would be hard for Alec to retire. Alec said it would.
Howard gave Alec a plug for the new Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation movie. That's opening on Friday. Alec said that the director, Christopher McQuarrie, was great to work with. Howard asked if he can come up and yell at him to do a line differently. Alec told Howard what it's like working with him and with all of the other great stars in the movie too. He said Jeremy Renner is a great guy and he has a great quality on film. Howard asked if he can tell a shitty director what to do. Alec said you just ignore them. He said he has worked with some great directors. He named a bunch and said the good ones know what they want. Howard asked if the shitty director is easy to pick out. Alec said they say ''I don't know...'' after a cut. He said the good ones are clear about what they want.
Howard said he thinks the politician he was talking about earlier was Chris Christie. Alec said no. Howard asked if it was George Bush. Alec said no. He said the fact that he can't pick him out proves his point. He said Howard isn't even thinking about that guy.
Alec asked if Howard is done with America's Got Talent. Howard said it is on TV tonight. Alec laughed at the way he said that. Howard was still trying to guess who the politician was that wasn't getting recognized. Howard said he has six more weeks of live shows and he's done with America's Got Talent. He said they're at Radio City. Howard said if his kids were older he'd tell him to bring them. Howard said people love him on that show. He said they want to put their kids on his lap.
Howard asked Alec to name the show he wants to be on. Alec said it's something he really wants to do and he can't say it on the air. Howard said it has to be The Price is Right. Alec said he'd do it. Howard asked how Stephen is doing. Alec said he's doing well. He said he was at the premiere.
Alec asked if Howard is done with America's Got Talent after the six weeks. Howard said he is. He said people think he's negotiating but he's not. He said he's really done. Howard said they want to move the show back to L.A. if he's not doing it and he told them he's not doing it. He said he gave them the answer by July 4th.
Alec said that the show he wants to do is America's Got Talent and the person who walked into the room and didn't get noticed was Howard. Howard said it's really not DeBlasio though, right? Howard mentioned Cuomo and Alec said he's not saying anything. He said Howard can say it. That must have been the guy he was talking about.
Howard asked when he's hosting Saturday Night Live again. Alec said he's too old now. He said they have a youth thing going on over there. He said they need Seth MacFarlane or someone like that. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard gave Alec some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. He said he loves that he comes by. Alec said he loves seeing Howard. He said they talk about the horrible missteps in his life but he loves it. Howard said they had a good time. Howard said the movie was great and he thinks everyone will go see it. Howard and Alec talked more about Alec's kids before ending the interview. Howard asked if he got his son circumcised. Alec said it's a hygiene thing these days. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he's not for it.
Howard said he can't stand being around too many people for too long. He said he was in seclusion when he was a kid. He said he thinks that's just who he is. Howard said he and Alec have hung out and they have a good time talking. Alec said they say all the right things. Howard said it's perfect. Howard got in some more plugs and then went to break a short time later.
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Howard said tomorrow Beetlejuice will be in. Howard said Jillian Barberie will also be in. Howard said Beet is the top Wack Packer of all time. Robin said she would say he's right. Howard said Hank the Dwarf is up there too. Robin said she thinks Eric the Actor is too. Howard said it's hard to argue that. Howard said fourth would be Mike Huckabee. Robin said Beet might have to step aside for Mike. Howard said he hasn't seen Jillian in years.
Howard had Robin start her news. They played her in with a song parody. Robin asked who did that one. Howard said a genius. Fred said he thinks it's Gabriel Leto.
Robin started her news with a story about a woman who shot and killed a possible serial killer. Robin said that they think he's responsible for at least 10 deaths. Robin said that the headline was ''Here's a happy ending'' but the woman is still an escort. Howard said it's a great story. He said she shot the guy right in the head when he tried to shoot her. Howard said it's such a great movie idea. Robin said this woman is a real prostitute. Howard said they were going for the double entendre. Howard said happy ending as in jerking off. Howard said the happy ending is that she lived and the serial killer is dead. Robin said they think this guy was going to kill more people. He had a list he was working on. Robin said the man was killed when he answered an ad for a woman who is known as Heather. Robin had some audio of heather talking about how she ended up shooting the guy. Robin said she says that something was up with the guy when he showed up at her house. She said she knew he was there to kill her. She said he told her that he was going to prison for a long time. Robin said they found a note in his pocket with 6 other names on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jillian is on the show tomorrow. He asked if he's going to get her top off. Howard said yes. He was just doing that to get people to tune in tomorrow. Howard said Beth even told him to get her breasts out. Howard said his mom did too. He said his mom told him that she has to take those big titties out for the audience. Howard said he actually doubts he'll be seeing her boobs.
Robin read a story about Keith Richard releasing a new single. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said he wonders why Mick Jagger isn't just singing on that album. Howard said there was one song that Keith did that he loved. He said that Keith can't sing that well but the song was really good. He said he went looking for it the other day and he couldn't find it. He said it was ''Take it So Hard'' and Fred played it for him. Howard said it's one that Mick should be singing. Howard said he loves that song. He said it's a Stones song done by Keith Richards. Howard said he can't believe that guy is still alive. He said he smokes all the time. Howard said he's getting together with some friends he had when he was a kid. He said they're doing dinner tonight. Howard said they'll talk about The Bachelorette and things like that.
Robin read a story about the Doobie Brothers suing a cover band that's called Doobie Decimal System. Robin had some of the Doobie Brother's music for Howard to play. Howard said he doesn't care about that band. Gary came in and said that he saw them a few months ago and they were great. Howard said he's sure they are but he wasn't into them.
Robin read a story about a study done about rappers and how they have the largest vocabularies in music. Robin said Eminem topped the list. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Robin said that the Boy Scouts is lifting their ban on gay scout leaders. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard wondered how that happened. He said they were so homophobic. He said the walls are tumbling down. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about children and smart phones. Robin said doctors are wondering how young is too young. Robin said they need to understand the rules and she had audio of a doctor talking about that. Robin said he says children under the age of 10 should not have one. Robin said there are cyber bullies and predators out there.
Robin had audio of John Kerry talking about what's going on with human trafficking. Robin said they are trying to combat human trafficking and Kerry is talking about how it prompted the Civil War.
Robin read a story about Mike Huckabee talking about the Iran nuclear agreement. Robin said he had some comments about how it's going to take the Israelis and march them to the doors of the oven. Robin said that some people are upset about those comments. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the Iran nuclear deal and had more audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump being the only person running for president who is getting attention right now. Robin had audio of Trump talking about Hillary Clinton and her email scandal.
Robin read a story about the most diseased city in the United States. Robin said it's Montgomery, Alabama. Howard guessed it was Las Vegas. Robin said that St. Louis is up there too.
Robin read a story about Matt Lauer being in the news for having a dispute with his neighbor. Robin said he doesn't like his neighbor's pool. Robin said that he thinks it's too close to his farm. Robin said Matt wants to plant 42 trees to block the view and the neighbors are upset that their view of the Lauer farm will be blocked.
Robin read a story about how dangerous it can be eating a brownie with marijuana in it. Robin said a man jumped to his death after eating one last year and they are saying that it could be too much in a short amount of time. Howard said you have to be careful with those edibles. Howard said they tell you that you have to be careful. Howard said a quarter of a lollipop can be dangerous. He said there is no labeling on this stuff.
Robin read a story about Ivana Trump accused Donald Trump of rape in a deposition at one time. Robin said they're now saying that she didn't mean it in a criminal sense. Robin said she's not sure what that means.
Robin read that Fiat Chrysler is going to pay a large fine for recall lapses. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that fine.
Robin read a story about a new hot flash medication that will soon be on the market. Robin said this stuff only works in the brain according to the maker. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that.
Robin read a story about Snoop Dogg saying he will never go back to Sweden after he was arrested on Saturday night on suspicion of drug use. Robin had some audio of Snoop recording that stop.
Robin read a story about Hulk Hogan being called out for using the N-word. Robin said he had a sex tape and now this. Robin said his daughter wrote a poem about her father and said he has a tender heart and wouldn't hurt anyone. Robin said the WWE dropped Hogan after this came out. Howard had some audio of people out on the street talking to Shuli about Hulk. Most of them were saying he shouldn't have lost his job. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon said he wants to talk about the staff stuff today. Jon said that they're going to talk about JD weighing in at 210 and Sal endorsing a face cream that got sent to him. He said Benjy was compared to a deflated balloon and more.
Gary came in and Jon said he saw that tweet that Sal sent. He said he has to understand why people would be suspicious about that. Gary said he had a conversation with Sal and he swears that he isn't getting anything out of it. He said Sal says that the guy sent him something and he was very thankful for it. Gary said he wondered why he felt compelled to plug the guy. Gary said Sal didn't have an answer.
Jon said that Sal told Howard he gets like 50 of these things. Gary said it's really like 3 or 4. He said the revelation is that it's something that Sal likes better than Aveeno.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think Sal would pitch something like that. He said he was thinking about the other shows they got rid of on Howard 101. He asked if they're going to bring other shows there because it seems like Howard is done. Gary said he's not positive about why he thinks that Howard is done because of that. The caller said that he thinks Howard has said some things that make it sound like he's not going to be around. Gary said he's not sure about that. The caller said he loved some of the other shows on 101 but now they don't have much going on over there. He said Jay Thomas has to deal with Riley and it seems like they're just fucking with him. Jon said he's going too deep there. He said that's really not what's going on. Gary said they're not mad at Jay at all. Gary said they will be doing more specials in the future. He said he should ask their program director Jeremy about all of that.
Jon said today Alec Baldwin was in and Howard talked about leaving America's Got Talent and he thinks Howard wants to keep doing this but on his own terms. Gary said Howard has to enjoy doing it. He said he thinks he still likes doing it when it's good. Gary said there are days when it feels good and you want to keep doing it. Gary said some days it doesn't go well. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the show. He said the interview with Alec was great. He asked if he was happy every time he heard Alec clear his throat. Gary said he didn't. He said he felt bad. He said he offered to bring in a water but his people said he'd be fine. Jon said some people think it's distracting but others think it sounds more real. Gary said they'd edit them all out if they were on a late night talk show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is thinking that he's coughing up all over the place and worrying that he's going to get sick. Gary said probably. He said he may wonder what's going on there. Gary said that Alec gets more leeway than he does. Gary said he is a guest and you give them more leeway than other people.
Jon said Alec was talking about a lot of stuff and it was a good interview so that may give him even more leeway.
Jon said that Alec talked about why he let George Washington University and went to NYU. Gary said he also talked about the year 1988 where Alec did 5 great movies that still stand the test of time. Jon said they all know those 5 movies.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they think Howard believes that trump has a chance to be president. She said she doesn't think that would ever happen. Jon said he'd love to agree with her but he disagrees. He said that Alec was talking about what a fuck you that would be to the country. Jon said he doesn't think he will win but he thinks he has a chance. Gary said he's with Jon on that. He said he is a friend of the show too so they're going to back him. Gary said they're the show that supported the first person running for governor of New Jersey to call in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he listens to the show every day and he's in Korea. They hit the dump button on the guy for something he said. The caller said he's pissed at JD because he sent clips of a gaming site to JD. Gary cut him off asking if he didn't use the clips. The caller said he didn't even get a response. Jon said even if he got a thanks but no thanks it would have been better than nothing. The caller said that's right. Gary said that they have to hang up on this guy because he's not listening. Gary said he can't answer every email he gets. He said he tries to answer as many as he can. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary if he thought JD was going to weigh in at 210 today. Gary said he figured that's about where he'd be. Jon said he's walking more and eating better. Gary said when he started there he was way too skinny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's an injured warrior and he is in rehab. He said he never had a bone to pick with anyone but Gary said something about a vet being a dick earlier and you never say that to them. Gary said he does appreciate their service. He said he was actually pointing out that someone else was doing that. Gary said he wouldn't do that. The caller said you always thank a vet and don't cheapen their service. Gary said he should have just said that the guy was acting like a dick.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that we know that Howard is going to wait until the last minute to tell us if he's coming back. He asked if they think Howard is going to try to cram in as many A-list guests as he can in the last few months of his contract. Jon said he doesn't think so. Jon said that they have been fortunate enough to line up some great talent but he thinks the guests are just going to keep coming in. He said he thinks that it would be better for Gary if he knew what was happening. Gary said this is his sixth 5 year contract and it's always that question at the end. He said they play it like it's the end either way. Gary said if Howard told him he wasn't coming back he'd start booking. He said he'd go after the guests that he was never able to get because there are people who would want to do it before they go away.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about going out with his buddies from when he was a dishwasher at summer camp last night. He said that they went to dinner. He said he knew them when he was a teenager. Howard said he's known Dr. Lou since then. He said he also met up with Howie and Kenny when he was about 12 or 13. Howard said they get together for dinner every year. He said they started 4 years ago. He said he jumped in this year. Howard said he isn't sure if he was invited the other 2 years. He said it was good to see the boys. Howard said they talked about their families and then got into the girls they fucked. Howard said they also talked about the girls they would have liked to have fucked. Howard said he's letting Robin in on stories that they don't share with women.
Robin asked who the girls were. Howard said they were all lying he's sure. Howard said it's like being a teen all over again. He said they're great guys and they had a great time. Howard said his daughter Emily was with him so he brought her over to see them. He said that she didn't stick around though. He said she said it was boy's night so she let them be. Howard said he loves that kid so much. He said he hates when she leaves him. He said he's not good with being left. Robin said she just went home. Howard said it doesn't matter.
Howard said for a good time they went back and washed the dishes after dinner. He said they put on their hair nets and got to business. Howard said they talked about what it's like seeing people getting older. Howard said two of them have hair. He said Kenny's hair is gone with the wind. He said he only posts pictures of himself with hair. Howard said he says they're for Throw Back Thursday. Howard said they're from 1977.
Howard said they had a good time. Howard said he was going to watch America's Got Talent last night but he had already seen it. Howard said he was going to Tweet but he decided not to get all hopped up over that.
Robin asked Howard why he thought of Oprah Winfrey in the show last night. Howard said he had flipped through a book where the name was listed. Howard said that guy put her name in his head. Robin missed that part. Howard said he was going to live tweet but he decided to watch Falling Skies instead. Robin said she finished the Bachelorette. Robin said she isn't sure why she let that guy almost propose to her. Howard said you know why.
Howard said that Gary's first pitch anniversary is coming up so they have that on HowardStern.com. Howard said they have the Baba Booey anniversary special coming up soon too.
Howard said that really turns him on. He said he believes that this is a great service. Howard said it's a great medium. He said he's very proud to have been a part of it.
Howard said he has so many things to talk about. He said Beetlejuice will be in today. He said he has things to plug. Howard played his ''Beetle'' song. He also played a phony phone call someone made to a radio show where they were talking about Bobbi Kristina's death. He was using clips of Robin singing ''I Will Always Love You.'' The host said Robin's voice was soothing and she encouraged her to call in again.
Howard said Robin was invited to call in again. Howard said that's his favorite phony phone call of the year so far. Howard said that is the funniest thing he's ever heard. Robin said the woman said she had a soothing voice. She's not sure what she was listening to. Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear it again. Fred said he did. Howard said he listened to it 7 or 8 times last night. He played it again.
Howard said it's interesting that she's going to reach out to her again when she doesn't even know who she is. Howard said this is why he's a big success in radio. Howard said these shows get no callers. Howard said they finally get a caller and you get this whacked out woman singing at the top of her lungs and they hang up on her. Howard said it's interesting and they hang up. Howard said you'd think they'd see where it goes. Howard said she quickly hangs up and says they have to move on. Howard asked ''to what?'' Howard said she had to pray more on her show. Howard said she had a live wire and you pray for callers like that.
Howard said he had a horrible experience. Howard said he has talked on the air about his Vietnam experiences. Howard said he wants to be clear on this. Howard said he has told some gruesome stories. Howard said there is a documentary about his experiences out and they went out on the street and asked people what they think about this. Howard said you have to keep your mouth shut unless you know what war is like. Howard said he's very misunderstood.
Howard played a clip of himself talking about the ears he collected in Vietnam. Then he played clips of people reacting to the story. They were saying they may be war crimes. People were upset about what he was talking about. Howard played another clip of himself talking about another thing he did over there in Nam. He had more people responding to the clip thinking he was telling true stories. They were saying that he's a sick man and that's no hero. Howard said he is a hero. He said they would have done the same thing.
Howard said then they pulled out two more stories about what he did in the war. Howard said he was never captured so Donald Trump loves him. He said he's a winner. Howard played another clip of people responding to a story he told about eating from a Viet Cong guy's stomach.
Howard said they played a clip of his story about how he shot a woman and ripped out her uterus and used it as a whoopi cushion for the guys. People were saying that's a disgusting story too and he's mental talking about that. Howard said people can say he's mental. He said he's sorry he shared.
Howard said when you are in war you become dehumanized. He said you would have done the same thing as he did. Howard said he's not sure how he got Chinese food out of that guy's stomach but that's what he did.
Howard played a phony phone call Chris Wilding made using clips of Howard talking about his Vietnam stories. The host of the radio show was talking to the clips as if Howard was live on the phone telling the stories. They went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who told him he did a great job on America's Got Talent last night. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said this is his final season on the show. He said he's going out with a bang. The caller, Jesse, said he has also cleaned up Howie Mandel. He said he used to bring in the goofy acts but he seems to be more serious now. Howard said he has a good influence on that show. Howard said it was more Gong Show than it is now. Howard said they take things seriously now and they are attracting better acts now. Howard said that the level of judging has gone up.
Jesse said that the contortionist was really good. Howard said you haven't seen those kind of acts on TV recently. Howard said you get 90 seconds of it and it's done well. He said it's a good show. Robin said that ventriloquist was really good. Howard said they cut out some of his comments about that. Howard said he said he is doing unusual things and not doing the same stuff. He said the guy has great material. He said he could go all the way. He said he thinks he's holding back his best stuff. Jesse said he was saying that he has done it for 25 years so he should have a lot of material. Howard said that guy is a humble guy and not cocky like you'd think he'd be.
Jesse asked Fred to play a song about Robin called ''Robin's Tits in the Mirror.'' He was the one who recorded it. Howard said he remembers that one. Howard said a lot of people loved that one. Howard said Jesse should be on TV with that. Fred found the call a short time later. Fred played some of it and Howard cut it off.
Howard said a band did a song about Robin called Cougar Pussy Robin. He played that too. Howard said they're a talented band. Howard asked if Robin gets charged up hearing them. Robin said no. She said it's ridiculous what's going on.
Howard played a song from Chris Wilding about Robin. Howard said he's on fire over Robin. Howard said that Jeff Bridges did one too. It was called Purple Vein and it was done by a Jeff Bridges impersonator. Howard let Jesse go a short time later. Jesse said that Beetlejuice is the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Howard played a song that Beetlejuice sang and then went to break. As they were going to break they played a fake promo for ''The History of Fred'' and a Matt Jacobs bit where he did the voices of Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said that guy was so good when he was creepy. He said he's all normal now. Robin said that song ''I want to fuck you like an animal'' keeps going through her head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Jeff the Drunk on Periscope yesterday and he spread his asshole on camera. He said he has a humongous hole on his ass. He said it's all scarred up or something. He said he had his fingers all up in it. Then he packed himself a bowl without washing his hands. He said it was disgusting. Howard said he thinks he has more clips of him on Periscope. Howard asked if he played them all. JD said there were more. Howard played a clip of Jeff coughing like crazy after taking a hit. Howard and the caller were laughing. Howard said he's not done. Jeff kept going. He said it sounds like a laugh. Howard said Jeff's body is rejecting him. Robin said it's trying to cough him out.
Howard said his stuff is hard to sit through. The caller said he's a truck driver and he wanted to sit back and relax and the first thing he saw was the asshole thing. Howard said Jeff gets angry with people who tweet him. He said he gave out his phone number because someone threatened to give it out. Jeff just gave it out himself. Howard played another clip of Jeff on Periscope and people calling him after someone gave out his number. Jeff gave out the number after getting a couple of calls.
Howard said the best is when Jeff takes calls because it's so boring. Howard played that clip and Jeff took calls but nothing was going on with them.
the caller Howard had on the line said he had nothing to say to those people. Howard said you sort of know what's going on but you only hear one side of the conversation.
Howard said someone accused him of being a shill for Periscope. He said he doesn't even have an account. He said people are so suspicious. Howard let the caller go after that.
Robin mentioned how they were plugging coffee on The Bachelorette. Howard said he hasn't had coffee in a really long time. Robin said she just got back to drinking it and it's good. Howard said Robin used to be way into it but not in the way you'd think. He said she was laying on her bathroom floor and taking in.
Hanzi said Howard is a compulsive liar. Howard asked for an example. Hanzi said Howard said he was half Jewish for his career. Howard said that's being a comedian. Howard said he's played his Bar Mitzvah tapes on the show. Howard said Hanzi is a Jack Off. Howard said of course the audience knew what he was. Howard said if you fell for that then you're crazy. Howard said at least he's not in his parent's basement.
Hanzi said Howard has money because he sold his soul. Howard said he makes millions of people laugh for a living. He said he doesn't live in a basement on medication and mooching off his parents. Hanzi told him to shut up for a minute. He said no one makes that much money being an entertainer. Howard said that's in Hanzi's world. Howard said he didn't get into it for money. He said he was making $250 a week. He said he just worked hard.
Gary said Hanzi got laid thanks to Howard. Howard said he gets no thanks for that. Hanzi said they stole his story line from him. Howard said there is no story line. Howard said it's his story.
Hanzi said Howard is gay and he won't admit it. Howard said if he was he'd be proud of it. Fred asked why that would be a bad thing. Howard said if he was gay he'd have his cock and balls in someone's mouth. Hanzi said that Howard said in his book that being gay is a mentally ill thing. Howard said he was wrong. Howard said he really has to go. He said he has Beet there. Hanzi said something about Howard having his dick in Ralph's ass. Howard said he has no comeback for that. He said it's the most brilliant comedy. Howard said he knows Hanzi is straight but go watch muscular, sweaty men wrestle because that's not gay. Howard said he can't match wits with Hanzi. Hanzi was going off on Howard but Howard said ''Bye!'' and said he wins.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he is working up there being away from home. Beetlejuice said he's working but it's also a vacation. Howard asked how his life has been. Beetlejuice said it's been over 10 years. He said life is always beautiful. Howard said he's had a tough life. Howard said he's the happiest he's ever been now. Beetlejuice said he is. Howard said he gets reports on Beetlejuice. He said he understands that he spends most of his day watching black cowboy movies and drinking at his mom's house. Howard asked if he drinks beer. Beetlejuice said he drinks vodka too. He said it's half and half. Howard asked what time he starts. Beetlejuice said it's not all the time. He said it's just once in a while. Howard asked if his mom ever says anything. Beetlejuice said she doesn't. Howard said he is a grown man and he does what he has to do.
Howard asked Beetlejuice about the cowboy movies he's watching. Beetlejuice said he watches it once in a while. Howard asked if he enjoys eating salad too. Beetlejuice said it's good for you. He said you get more protein. Howard said it's ruffage too. Howard asked if he's regular. Beetlejuice said he is. He said he goes to the bathroom once a day. Howard said that's great.
Howard asked Beetlejuice to explain to him why he sleeps under his bed. Beetlejuice said it's kind of sad but it takes a while to fall asleep. Howard asked if he's an insomniac. Beetlejuice said he doesn't sleep much. He said he just blacks out. Howard asked if it comforts him being under the bed. Beetlejuice said not really. He said he doesn't do it much.
Howard said Beetlejuice is the greatest Wack Packer that ever lived. Howard said people have been wondering when he was going to come in. Howard said it's been too long.
Howard said he heard that Beetlejuice doesn't masturbate that much. Beetlejuice said sometimes he does. Robin asked if it's too much working out. Beetlejuice said it could be that.
Howard asked Beetlejuice about driving up with his friend Shithead Josh, his buddy, and he was responsible for driving. Beetlejuice said he sits in the back seat when Bobby drives. Beetlejuice said he comes to work drunk every day. Howard asked Beetlejuice why he has a guy named Shithead around him. He said he heard that Josh crashed into a poll with him in the car. Beetlejuice said he wasn't in the car at all. Howard said he begs him not to get in the car with that guy. Beetlejuice said he wouldn't do that.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he was shocked to learn he's the king of the Wack Pack. Beetlejuice said he wasn't there. He said he was doing something else. Howard asked how he got the news. Beetlejuice said he was working on that. Howard asked who told him he was King of the Wack Pack. Beetlejuice said he was working out when he found out. Howard said he heard he said he should get his balls sucked. Howard asked who should suck them. Beetlejuice said that was like a year ago. He said he did that at his friend's house.
Beetlejuice said he was busy fucking two girls. Howard said he heard that. Howard asked if it gets confusing when that's going on. Beetlejuice said he was fucking a girl while another girl was sucking his cock. He said he has a 2 inch cock. Howard said join the club. Howard said he's ashamed about his but Beetlejuice boasts about it. Howard said he's going to start doing that too.
Howard asked Beetlejuice why he dislikes Medicated Pete. Beetlejuice said that he came to the beach one day and he wanted to beat the shit out of him. He said the next day he came up to him and he smacked the shit out of him and he walked away.
Howard asked if he wanted to make an acceptance speech about his win of the Wack Pack. Beetlejuice said that his fans are his fans. That was about it. Howard said he comes out and it's profound. He said he thought he was going to go on and on. Beetlejuice said he doesn't do that. He said he doesn't go on and on.
Howard said Beetlejuice is promoting fights now. He said he's in the corner with these guys too. Howard asked who is fighting tomorrow. Beetlejuice said that they're two heavyweights. Howard said you can follow Beet on Twitter and Periscope @Beetlepimp. He said you can also book him through StickAndMoveManagement.com
Howard said he heard that he saw Eric the Midget the other day and he spoke to him. Beetlejuice said he's a good friend. Howard said he has to know that Eric is dead. Howard said he died. Howard said Beetlejuice says he saw him but he's dead. Beetlejuice said that he has a mother in law that lives down the street. He said he has seen him a couple of times and he's alive. Robin said that's news. Howard asked if he ever thought that he's an imposter. Beetlejuice said he's doing good. He said he's walking around and all.
Howard said he wants to talk about the one woman he's never been able to fuck. Howard said he's said that he wants to fuck Babyjuice. Beetlejuice said he didn't say that. He said that it's the other guy who said that. Howard said she is a dwarf who has been on the show before. Beetlejuice said he has never said that to anyone. He said he keeps that to himself. He said he doesn't speak to her. He said he didn't know when he last saw her. Howard asked if he has any plans to get with her. Beetlejuice said no. He said she says she only does it once a week. Howard said Beetlejuice has never looked better. He said he's getting his weight under control. He said he's diabetic. Robin asked if he takes insulin. Beetlejuice said he does. Howard said he's been eating Sour Patch Kids. Beetlejuice said he doesn't eat that much. He said he gives it to the kids. Howard said Bobby says he has to take it away from him. Beetlejuice said he doesn't. Howard said 3 packs of Sour Patch Kids is bad for him. Beetlejuice said he gives it to the kids. He doesn't eat it much.
Howard said he hopes Beetlejuice lives forever. Beetlejuice said he doesn't think about death. He said it's not scary for him.
Howard had Joe Frazier on the phone. It was Sal and Richard in the back playing clips of Joe saying he wanted to fight. Beetlejuice had a little bit of a conversation with the clips. They had Joe mumbling unintelligibly. Beetlejuice said that he will get his ass kicked.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many women he's been with at once and how many in one day. Beetlejuice said that it's 30 women. Howard asked if he ever felt guilty. Beetlejuice said no. Howard asked if he ever falls in love. Beetlejuice said twice a week he does. Howard asked if he's into Jamba Juice if he can't get Babyjuice. Beetlejuice said he doesn't know about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beetlejuice makes him want to help the world. He said he became a doctor because of Beetlejuice. Howard asked if Beetlejuice uses a condom. Beetlejuice said he uses them every day, bro. Robin asked if he has one on him now. Beetlejuice said always.
Howard asked if he endorses anyone for President. Beetlejuice said ''Me?'' and then said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he votes. Beetlejuice said he can do that. He said a lot of people come up to him asking if he wants to vote and he's already in.
Howard asked if Beetlejuice ever got a woman pregnant. Beetlejuice said probably, probably not. Howard said he has a guy there claiming he's his son. Howard said he's probably never met him. Howard said he claims that he got his mother pregnant. Howard had the guy come in. The guy came in and said this was just recently. He said he's been wondering ''Who, me?'' for a long time. Beetlejuice said he is his son. Howard asked what he wanted to say to his father. The guy asked if there are any medical issues in the family. Howard said he could have diabetes. Beetlejuice said he does have it. He said he knew about this 10 years ago. Howard asked Beet's what else he had to say. Beetlejuice said he'd play catch with him when he asked if he would. Howard asked if he will get into his life now. Beetlejuice said sure he will. He said he is the father so he knows he gotta do what he gotta do.
Beetlejuice said he'll help the guy out with money since he's his son. Howard said he's never been prouder of him than he is right now. Robin asked if he can call him dad. Beetlejuice said sure. Howard said he wasn't expecting this. He said he'd like to offer them the green room to catch up and talk. Howard said later on he can carry Beetlejuice around the station.
Howard asked Beetlejuice's son about how old he is. He said he's 34. Howard said he has a lot of time to catch up on. Howard asked if he has any kids of his own. Beetlejuice's son said he does. Howard said that means Beetlejuice is a grandfather. Beetlejuice said that's right.
Howard asked Beetlejuice if he has anything he wants to say to his son. Beetlejuice said he doesn't know if he's going to be there or not. Beetlejuice's son said he has a piano recital this weekend. Howard asked if the son is into guys. Beetlejuice's son said he is. Beetlejuice said he's on his own then. He said he can't tell him what he can do.
Howard said maybe he should have been there for him. He said he just came out to his father. Beetlejuice said that's between him and his mother. Robin asked if he wants to meet his life partner. Beetlejuice said yeah. He said he talks to him on the phone. Howard said Beetlejuice's son was attracted to his father before he knew that was his father. Beetlejuice said if he's in the room he's in the bed. He said he's sleeping with his wife.
Howard said he thought that he was making up stories about Eric the Actor but he is alive. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Eric the Actor clips. Howard had a conversation with Eric the Actor and they had him saying that someone has to set this idiot straight. Beetlejuice asked what the hell is going on in there. He said he has to get his son to fuck him in the ass.
Howard said it's a great day when you find your daddy. Beetlejuice said that he's in the room and he's in the bed with his wife. He said he sleeps under the bed. Howard asked how Beet didn't know that this guy was doing the same things. Beetlejuice's son said he loves eating salad. He also shit his pants. He said he loves black cowboy movies too. Beetlejuice said he loves Django and Asshole.
Howard said he loves Beetlejuice and he wants to thank him for coming in. Howard gave him some plugs for his web site and Twitter. Howard said that he's been on the show for a long time. Beetlejuice said it's like 10 or 5. Howard said it's more than that. Beetlejuice's son said maybe 3. Howard said it has to be at least 3. Howard said he's a mathematician like Beetlejuice. Howard told him to send his love to his mom, sister and Babyjuice.
Howard asked Beetlejuice's son more questions and he was talking about doing the same things as his dad. Howard said that was a lot of fun. Howard said he wants to say something. He said that Beetlejuice has never taken advantage of a woman taking drugs at all like Bill Cosby. Beetlejuice said that's right. Howard thanked him for that. Howard told him to give a message to Bill Cosby about that. Beetlejuice said he'll talk to him in private about that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said you can revisit one of the worst pitches with Baba Booey. Howard said they have a new video up on HowardStern.com.
Howard said that Bryan Cranston is still mad at JD for not thanking him for doing the JD impression at the birthday show. Howard said Bryan was at Comic-Con and talked to Jon Hein about it. Howard played a clip of Bryan talking about how he's going to rip him some more. He did some of his JD impression. Howard said the Comic-Con special will air starting Friday and through the weekend on Howard 101.
Howard said that Bryan is doing the impressions of JD. JD said he's not sure what the guy wants or needs from him. He said he wants to keep liking the guy but this is ridiculous. He said it's an honor but he's not sure how much he has to keep saying it. Howard said JD just stared at Cranston like a moron at the birthday show. JD said he didn't even see him there. He said he was doing the social media stuff that day. JD said he didn't see Bryan at all that day. Howard said he has to get a hold of him and thank him personally.
Will Murray came in and said that he was watching that day. He said that JD was staring at him like he was falling asleep. JD said that's such a lie. Will said he watched him. JD said he's such a liar.
Jon Hein came in and said that Bryan told him that JD has never thanked him for that. JD said he has. He said he was working at the birthday show. Will said he's more excited about food. JD told him to knock it off with the fat jokes. Robin said they asked JD what he thought and he didn't have anything to say. JD said it was very cool. Howard said it's sad Bryan likes him so much and JD isn't impressed.
Howard said the special will air all weekend. Howard said that Bryan Cranston interview will be part of that. Howard told the guys to get back to work. Howard said that's an exciting special.
Howard said Angry Alice called with a voice mail. Howard said that she's not sure why this woman who pretended to be black would want to be black. He said Alice doesn't like being black. Howard played the Voicemail where Alice talks about that. Howard said Alice also left another Voicemail where she made an announcement about Fred. She said when she calls the show from now on she's only going to talk to Fred. She said he's the star of the show. Howard said Fred has a fan there. Fred said he has to agree with her.
Howard said Bill Cosby has found out a way to come out to the public. He played a song parody that they made with a Bill Cosby impersonator. It was to the tune of ''99 Problems'' and it was called ''99 Victims.'' Howard said the girls have an answer to that. He played a song parody that was supposed to be the girls all singing a ''We Are the World'' parody about Cosby. Howard said they're all going on tour together. Howard said that's what you call musical comedy.
Howard said he thinks out of all of the stories out there, including the Bruce Jenner story, the story about Bill Cosby being the most accused serial rapist of all time is the biggest story. Howard said if someone said to him as a kid that Cosby was going to be a serial rapist or Bruce Jenner was going to become a woman, the Cosby story would be the most unbelievable.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that they featured Howard more last night than usual. She said that she picked 4 out of the 6 acts going through. She asked if Jillian is coming in soon. Howard said she's coming in next. Mariann said she thinks that Jillian is going to take her top off for him. She got all excited about that. Howard said she has a great rack and he'd love to see it. Howard said she's a big fan of the show. Howard said there wasn't a day that went by when she didn't mention him on Good Day L.A. She also used to say she's fuck him. Howard said it's crazy stuff.
Howard played a clip of Jillian talking about him on The Wrap Up Show. She was talking about how much love she has for him and how she talks to her psychiatrist about it and he says that she has to meet a man like Howard. Howard said she has no idea what a nightmare he is. Howard said he's going to let her keep that fantasy.
Howard said he thinks the sex with her would have been wild because she worships him. Howard said he's not sure what that would entail. He said he might have to run out of the room. Howard said she might devour him.
Howard played another Wrap Up Show clip where Jillian talked about how she has masturbated to Howard. She said she isn't a toys girl so she didn't use toys.
Howard said that's a compliment. Howard said it's a very nice thing. Howard said he likes Jillian because she mentioned him so much on her morning show. He said she lost that show so it's not so exciting now. Howard said they probably got rid of her because of that. Howard said they'll get to her after a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and listened to the Metallica song for a minute. Howard said Jillian Barberie is there. He said she's a big supporter of the show. Howard said that she's beautiful. Jillian said hi to Fred and ''Skinjy'' (Benjy).
Howard asked if her old show is still on the air. Jillian said it is but she's not. Howard asked if she thinks she was the first one to show her titties and all of that on a show like that. Jillian said that she's not sure if she was the first but she started doing it and management hated it. She said they hated that she was feminine. She said it took years of them hassling her to make her dress more conservative. She said that they did a story about her on another show and then they stopped bothering her about it.
Howard asked why she thinks they let her go. Jillian said that they brought in new management. She said they had no idea what they were out there. Howard said that it was great when she'd promote the show on that show. Howard said he appreciates that. Howard said she was very generous to do that. Jillian said she would do entertainment stories and she'd listen to Howard on the way to work. She said that this was 20 years ago when she started listening. She said that she has loved him from the very beginning. She said that she approached her morning show like Howard's show. She said she broke the fourth wall. She said that they loved it too. She said then the new guy came in and changed it.
Howard said they'd bring up something that came up on his show and Steve and Dorothy Lucy would have smirks on their faces but what she was bringing up was interesting in a gossipy way. Jillian said that Howard was getting so much more out of celebrities than anyone else. Jillian said that Robert Downey Jr. would bring up stuff that he didn't bring up anywhere else. Jillian said it was easy for her to do that on her show but she doesn't think that she was let go because of that.
Howard said that she was part of that show for 20 years. A guy comes in for 3 months and changes it all. Jillian said that they wanted to give her 2 days a week. She said she should have taken it. She said it was $5,000 a day for two days. She said she could do anything she wanted to do. Howard said she would have done that and in 3 months that new guy was gone and she'd probably be back on the air. Jillian said she had a marriage that was crumbling and a baby in diapers. She said that she had more tears in her son's diaper than anything.
Jillian said that she had to pay her husband alimony. She said that he was younger than her and they had kids. She said whoever supports the marriage supports the divorce. She said that she banked money thinking that they were going to have a future. She said she has been the man and the woman in her marriages. Howard asked why she does that. Jillian said she doesn't know. She said she has spoken to Dr. Drew about it. She said he tells her that she has abandonment issues and she's a people pleaser.
Howard said hot chicks like Jillian hook up with guys who don't want to work. He said either that or they get more passive in their work. Jillian said that she tells them to go do what they want. She said she's that girl. Howard asked why she doesn't choose a guy who isn't like that. Howard asked if she only goes after handsome guys. Jillian said she looks beyond that. She said her ex's weren't shallow. She said she married Alpha Males and it's not right for them. She said she doesn't know.
Howard asked if it's in her DNA to pick the wrong guy. Jillian said she's not asked out a lot. She said that after her divorce she had to hustle. She said that she ended up selling all of her diamonds because she wasn't sure if she'd work again. Now she has 3 jobs. She said she sells stuff on HSN. She also has a radio job on KABC in L.A. right after Dr. Drew. She said she also has America's Next Top Weatherman which starts on TBS soon.
Howard said Jillian went to college called Mohawk. Jillian said that she was teaching figure skating but then she wanted to do TV. She said she went to school to learn how to do weather forecasting. Howard asked if she can really do that. Jillian said of course she can.
Howard asked Jillian if she was the first hot weather forecaster. She said she thinks she was. She said she was offered Playboy 4 times. She said that Good Day L.A. told her they'd fire her if she did that. She said they would try to get other people like Jenny McCarthy to do the show when she was out so it was hypocritical. Howard said it's a shame that she didn't do it. Howard said they have sexy girls on TV and they could have let her build her brand. Jillian said Playboy wasn't really her brand.
Howard said Jillian found Mohawk and she did the weather thing. She went to broadcast school and then got a job where. She said she was working in Montreal on a station there. She said she was 21 and she was so bored doing it there. She said she was on at like 3 in the morning. Jillian said she would see where movies were being shot and work them into the weather and they made her stop doing that. Howard said she knew how to do the weather. She said she went through a meteorology course to learn that. She said it's so easy. Jillian said that 7 day forecasts are bullshit by the way. She said that it's like being a magician. Howard asked what you look at. She said you look at the charts and see what's coming. She said that it's the national weather service that forecasts the weather.
Howard asked if Jillian knows what barometric pressure is. She said that she knows. She gave a quick definition. Howard asked what the difference is between a hurricane and a monsoon. She kind of knew. Howard said she doesn't really know. Howard said it's all about her personality and not about the weather. Jillian said you do have to know what you're talking about. Howard asked what the heat index is. She sort of knew what that was too.
Jillian said you really do have to know about how to tell the weather. Howard asked who put her on in Miami. Jillian said she wanted to work in Miami or L.A. because she wanted to work in a warm place. She said that she sent a tape of herself to some places and someone in Miami hired her. She said she worked for a station that was number 1.
Howard asked if she got hit on once she was on that channel. Jillian said some. She said that they had no ratings when she first started. She said they grew from there.
Howard asked Jillian about when the job was over in L.A. did her friends dry up. Jillian said she has a good core of friends. She said there was a lot of that though. Howard asked if that hurt. She said yes. Jillian said that she became friends with Bruce Jenner and that family. She said she got really close to them. She said she doesn't talk to them anymore but she was close. Howard asked if she felt used because they were sucking up to her because of that outlet she had. Howard said that's so manipulated. Jillian said she really enjoyed the time she had with them. She said things changed when they hosted her baby shower and she showed up looking like a whale. She said that they had a glam squad there for their family and they were just starting to become what they are now. She said they have done beyond well for themselves. Howard said they dumped her in a sense. Jillian said she doesn't think so. Jillian said that she had an assistant for 10 years and now she's working for Kylie and Kendall as their manager.
Howard said that it would be gracious if they asked her to come by. Jillian said they are friendly. She said they have invited her out but her life is hustle and work. She said that she has the kids and her husband gets them every 2 weeks.
Howard asked if she had any inclination that Bruce Jenner was going through what he went through. Jillian said she had some inklings but she remembers talking to Bruce at dinner one night and he talked about getting his first face lift at 39. She said one night they were skating really late and he was the last one on the ice. She said he fell on his face and there was blood all over. She said she called his wife and they had a plastic surgeon come to stitch him up.
Howard asked if she was shocked when she found out about Bruce. She said she was. Jillian said she spoke to someone about a year ago that Bruce was going to become the person he always wanted to be. She said she hasn't met Caitlyn yet but she's getting hotter and hotter. She said that they have the best make up people working on her. She said she keeps wondering who that person is on the cover of magazines and it's Caitlyn.
Howard said there are some celebrities who want to know her because they have access to her show. Howard said when you're not there it dries up and it has to hurt. Jillian said she's been in the game so long and she has her core group of friends. She said they're not famous. Jillian said her best friends have kids and the kids hang out together. She said she's in a good place.
Howard said she talked about masturbating to him on the Wrap Up Show. She said she did. She said she needs porn to masturbate. She said she's like a guy. Howard said he thinks it's kind of hot. Robin said she doesn't watch porn. She said she's afraid that someone is going to arrest her or something. Jillian said that 50 Shades of Grey was the worst. Howard said he loved it. Robin said Howard can't tell if something is bad if a woman takes her clothes off. Jillian said it dried her up. Howard said it was hot. He said Dakota Johnson was good in it. Howard said that he'll see the second one. Robin said there won't be a second one. It's all the same thing. Howard said if you don't like it he won't sleep with her.
Howard said Sal thinks that Jillian is hot for him. Howard said Jillian is a nice person and guys think that she's in love with them. Jillian said she isn't in love with Sal. Definitely not.
Howard said Jillian is promoting this new show called America's Next Top Weatherman. Howard said Mark Burnett is involved. Jillian said it's good. She said it's 8 weeks long. Howard said you can tell if someone is good in one audition. Jillian said they have different weather challenges. She said that you win $100,000 on the show. She said that she started out at 30 in Montreal. She said that these people get a gig on CNN on the morning show too. She said she wants that. Howard asked why she's not doing that. Jillian said she would love to do that show. She said the people get a shot on that show.
Howard said 9 times out of 10 it's an attractive woman showing her body. He said she has a great personality or something likeable about her. Howard said that's who wins. Howard said that's who he'd be picking. Robin said maybe there's a guy with a great personality. Howard said no way. He said he's looking for someone he wants to see on camera all the time. Jillian said Roger Ailes has it down. She said you're a lawyer but look like Barbie and you're on the air.
Jillian said she had a Howard Stern poster up on the wall in the studio and one day she came in and it was down. She said she knew that was the beginning of the end. She said that was the sign on the wall.
Howard said this new show starts August 8th on TBS. Howard asked if she knows who won. She said she does. Howard said you can also follow her on Instagram and Twitter @AskJillian. Howard said she posts a lot of bikini pictures and stuff.
Jillian said one of Howard's Canadian fans, Andrew Marriott, just lost his wife a week ago so she wanted to say hi to him. Howard said maybe she can marry him. Jillian said that she's told friends to punch her in the vagina if she ever tells them she's engaged.
Howard said he thinks that sex with Jillian would have been great. Jillian said she dated Al Michaels son Steve after she met him at one of Jimmy Kimmel's parties. She said they went out for a little bit. She said it was great. Howard asked who didn't stick around. Jillian said that Howard was the only thing they had in common. She said she got in his car and he had it on Howard 100. She said that made her so happy. She said she stays in touch with Steve. Jillian said she hasn't gotten laid in a year and a half. Howard said she'll meet someone. She said they'll see.
Howard said when she describes who she would marry she describes him. Howard said that being married to him isn't so great. He said he's the worst. He said he's grumpy and not fun. Jillian said she knows it's not the guy she hears on the air. She said this is the best though. Howard said he looks like Howard Stern though. She said that's the best. She said he has no idea. Jillian said Howard is so self aware. She said it's not about the hair or anything. She said it's the whole aura. She said even if he's grumpy at home she has so much going on it wouldn't matter. She said she's fine with him being busy all day and then giving her sex at the end of the day. Jillian said she feels like if she takes care of someone that they'll return the favor. She said it doesn't happen like that. Howard said that's sad. Jillian said she's been on one of those dating sites but she got bored with herself and she closed the site. She described what she does and Howard said that's what guys are looking for. She said it's not. Howard argued that it is.
Jillian said if something happens to Beth she wants to be next in line. Howard said he'll take her to Beth's funeral if something does happen. Howard said you can't clone him and that's the problem. Jillian said it is a problem. She said she listened to the History of Howard and it made her love him even more. Howard said just wait until she sees him naked. She said she thinks that he lies about that too.
Jillian said Todd Phillips hired her based on hearing her on Howard's show. She said it's like that Amy Schumer story.
Howard asked if she has ever written down ''Jillian Stern'' on a piece of paper. She said she hasn't. She said she respects Beth too much.
Howard asked Jillian who the best Wack Packer of all time is. Jillian said she loves Beetlejuice. Jillian said that she loves Sour Shoes and she loved Eric the Actor even though she didn't at first. Jillian said she talks to Sour Shoes on DM almost every day. Howard said he has a guy who does an impression of Sour Shoes doing impressions. Howard said this guy's name is Nick and he's on the staff there. Howard said Sour talks in a baby voice all the time. Jillian said she didn't know that. Howard said it's really weird. Howard played the clip of Nick doing his impression of Sour Shoes. Howard said you have to stick through it. The guy was doing a baby voice like Sour does. Nick breaks into the many impressions that Sour does like Artie, Gary and Chris Mad Dog Russo.
Jillian said it's pretty good but Sour has the material. Howard said they all love Sour Shoes. Jillian said Ham Hands Bill also contacts her a lot. She said it's nothing dirty. She said they're all very respectful. Howard said he's heard that Ham Hands is a good guy and only plays the creep. Jillian said she's not sure about that. Howard asked if she likes Hanzi. Jillian said he scares her a little bit. She said he's a little unstable.
Howard asked who else she talks to. She said that she talks to Yucko, Sal and Richard. She said JD used to text her but not since he got the girlfriend. Howard said that's weird. Howard said in JD's mind he'd be betraying his girlfriend. JD said they still text. Howard said that means JD thinks he has something going on with Jillian. JD said he knows nothing is happening with Jillian. JD said he still texts her now and then. Jillian said that's true.
Jillian said she's having dinner with Ralph tonight. She said she had it with him a couple of months ago. Howard said she's probably paying. She said she was told by Dr. Drew that she has to stop that. She said Steve Michaels paid and it was very odd for her. Howard asked JD if he thought he could get Jillian. JD said he wasn't fully confident but part of him thought maybe. He said that went away quickly. Howard said it's because she's a very friendly girl. Howard said guys like JD and Sal think they can get her. Howard said Sal would leave his wife for her. Jillian said he would also leave her for Tan Mom. Howard said she's such a friendly girl that they think she's in love with them. JD said he never thought it could happen. He said that it was hopeful thinking. He said he's not like Sal thinking that he could get her. Jillian said that maybe he took her bringing him tan towels as loving him. She said that she's the opposite and thinks she can't get anybody. She said that she doesn't go out because guys think they can get her but don't ask her out and she thinks she can't get anyone.
Howard thanked Jillian for coming in today. Howard said he appreciates her always promoting them too. Howard gave her some plugs and wrapped up. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard got Joey Boots on the phone. He said he tried doing his Baba Booey thing on ABC news and he was attacked. Joey was sleeping. Howard played the clip of Joey doing his thing though. In the clip a weatherman was doing his thing and Joey came by yelling Baba Booey! and they cut off the feed. They claimed it was a technical problem. Howard said Joey was taping them on the other end of things and he got pushed down. Howard played a clip that Joey sent where he gets knocked down by a security guard. Joey told him to stop punching him. Joey was calking him a fat mother fucker. Howard said Joey is fat too. Howard said Joey is gay and he's calling the guy a cock sucker too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just missed Jillian. He said he'd love to go on a date with her. He said he's a nice guy and he has a couple of jobs. Howard said this is the kind of guy she should go out with. Howard said he could drag her back in there but he's not sure if it would work. Howard said he's not sure what she's looking for. Howard said he'd rather have her home masturbating to him. Robin said that's not right. Howard said he thinks she has a huge crush on JD.
The caller said he would love to go out with her. Howard asked Gary to bring her in real quick. Howard said she can make a snap judgment. Jillian came back in and Howard filled her in on what the guy does. He's a teacher and he builds solar homes. Jillian asked where he lives and if he's into kids. He said he is and he helped raise a few. He's 55 years old though. Jillian said that she'd have to see him. The caller said he'll give his information and she can look at him. Jillian said she lives in L.A. so she can't date someone who lives on Long Island. Howard said he loves that she's home fingering herself to him. He said he wants to keep it that way.
Howard told her to invite the guy to dinner tonight. Jillian said she can't. She said it's too much. Howard told the caller, Robert, to stay home and masturbate to him like Jillian does. Howard said he tried. He let Jillian go after that. Howard said she should have gone out with the guy.
Robin read a story about this dentist who went over to Africa and shot a beloved lion. Robin said he ruined his dental practice doing that. Howard said these people are pussies. He said they want to shoot people but they can't. He said the problem is you can't because you'll be put in jail. Howard said they go out and shoot these big animals as the next best thing. Robin said this is sport shooting and not just hunting. She said she's fine with hunters but not with this sport shooting. Robin said he was on a protected preserve and they lured the lion out of the preserve so they could hunt and shoot this animal. Robin said they claimed they didn't know who this lion was. The lion is known as Cecil. Robin said lions and tigers are endangered and they're shooting them. Robin said she doesn't understand this. Howard said he's surprised that the guy is a dentist. Howard said they seem to be compassionate people. Robin said not all of them are.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel cried over the lion. Howard played a clip of Jimmy talking about how to try and make things right over that killing and as he was talking about that he started to get choked up. Robin asked why they're not crying like he was. Howard said something must be wrong with them. Howard said Jimmy is a very sensitive guy. Howard said they have a protective barrier around them that doesn't let them feel like Jimmy does. Howard said they're narcissists and Jimmy isn't. Howard said he really cares about other people. He said Jimmy went to Italy and he got a package in the mail from him. He said he had made for him a leather journal with his initials on the paper. Howard said he's the most caring person out there. Howard said Jimmy was thinking about him while he was on vacation with his family. Howard said he wishes he could lighten up like that. Howard told Robin to try to cry. Robin wasn't able to. Robin said it's a heinous thing but she has to tell it straight. Robin said she's not sure Jimmy's way is the best way.
Robin read a story about a boy in Maryland who got a double hand transplant. Howard said that's great. Robin said he lost both hands and his feet to an infection and now he has two new hands. Howard said that's something. Robin said they say it will take a few operations to get good use out of the hands. Howard said he'll be beating off in no time. Howard said that's pretty amazing. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the new show ''I Am Cait'' getting 2.7 million viewers. Robin said that's not huge but in cable ratings it is. Howard said that's huge either way. He said it's big in cable. Howard said most cable TV shows get in the hundreds of thousands. Howard said it's very big in cable. Robin said it should be more with all of the publicity. Howard asked Jon Hein if he agrees it was big. Jon came in and said it's a big number for them. Robin said she thought it would be much bigger. Robin said that they read about the Kardashians and they don't get that many viewers either. Howard said the late night shows get about the same thing. Jon said they run the Kardashians all the time so the ratings add up. Howard said he doesn't think he TiVo'd ''I Am Cait.'' He said he has to see it.
Robin read a story about the Tom Brady Deflate Gate scandal. Robin said the commissioner has decided that the penalty will stand. Robin said they accuse Brady of destroying evidence when he destroyed his phone. Robin said that's why that will stand. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on the story. Gary came in to talk about the story a little bit. Howard asked Gary if this makes him feel good because Tom Brady won't be starting against the Jets. Gary said he isn't sure that it will affect the games. Gary said it does affect fantasy football.
Robin read a story about the a female coach has been hired, as an intern, on an NFL team. Robin had some audio of that woman talking about that. Howard said he'd hire a woman coach. He said he's found that women are very competent. Howard said when he worked at E! Fran Shea was there. He said Judith Regan was there for his book. Betty Thomas was there for his movie. He said they were all mentors. Howard had to stand up because his balls were getting smashed.
Robin read some news about Donald Trump. Robin said there was a story about Ivana Trump using the word rape years ago and she claimed she didn't mean it in the criminal sense. Robin said Trump weighed in on that allegation. Robin had some audio of Donald Trump defending himself. Robin said that Trump was saying that he'd love to have Sarah Palin as a cabinet member. He thinks she's a very special person. Howard said she's special alright... special as in special ed.
Robin read a story about Rick Perry going after Donald Trump and blaming him for some of the problems the republican party is having. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he's not going to remain silent when he says things about immigrants like Trump has.
Robin read about how Forbes did an investigation and found that Trump is probably worth closer to $3 billion than he claims he is.
Robin read a story about Chris Christie saying he wants to enforce the laws for marijuana. Howard said no. He said he doesn't smoke it himself but he doesn't think it should be illegal. Howard said everyone he knows smokes it and it helps them relax. He said he's not going to put someone in jail for that.
Robin read a story about the upcoming debates in Cleveland and how they're picking the people who will be debating. Robin said they're going to have the top 10 people debating in two different shows on FOX. Howard said they should have him host the shit debate where the lowest guys are debating. Howard said it's the losers debate. He said he wants to handle that. Howard said Patacki is in the bottom. Howard said he would have to go through his hosting. Howard said he'd ask about fucking guys and things like that. Howard said some of those guys believe they're too important to be in that shit debate. Howard asked the guys for the bit they made about Trump. Gary said they're working on it. Gary asked if they were talking about the under card debate. Robin said that's how they got to where they were. Howard asked what show Gary is listening to.
Howard played a bit they created with Kyle Dunnigan doing his Trump impression and talking about what he'd do to the White House if he wins. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he did speak to Trump last weekend and he gave him some tips. He said he can't wait for him to win so he can go to the White House and all of that.
Robin said Beth is in the paper today. Howard said he took that picture. He said he shoots them every year for her. Howard said they hit the beach and he shleps the equipment out there. He said he does it all. He said he'd rather not have an assistant out there looking at Beth in her bikini. Howard said he needs a camel to carry it all. He said there is a woman there helping out with make up and he does have her hold some of the equipment. Howard said he took that picture that's in the NY Post today.
Robin read a story about Linda Tripp who is the woman who exposed Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky. Robin said Tripp says that Hillary must never be president. Robin said she claims that she was the mastermind behind all of those scandals. Howard said she did a great job with them so she should be President.
Robin read a story about a lion that's on the loose in Milwaukee. Robin said that they're not sure where it came from but they think it may have been a pet. Robin said it's not from a zoo. Howard said he loves the idea of releasing all of the animals in the cities. He said that way they wouldn't have to go to Africa to see them. Howard did a live commercial read after that. He also got in a plug for the big Baba Booey special that's coming up next month.
Robin read a story about some NFL players who injured their hands over the 4th of July. Robin read about one guy who lost two fingers in an accident. Howard said there are stories all the time about not playing with them because you can blow your fingers off. Howard said they must think they're too smart for that. Robin read about another guy who injured his hand too. Fred played Sal's ''Dude, my cock is gone!'' clip. Howard said the other guy lost one finger. Robin said one guy lost one finger and the other lost 2. Robin said they say that the guy who lost one finger had his deal put on hold because of that injury. Howard said there are so many reports about people fucking themselves up with fireworks and you'd think they'd know better. Howard said there was one guy who blew his head off when he put a firework on his head. Robin said she didn't read about that. Howard said that football player has to be kicking himself in the head over that. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby being deposed once again. Robin said there's a judge who is setting a deadline for him to do the deposition about a girl who claims she was molested at the Playboy mansion. Howard said the guy thinks that the women wanted it. He said he has convinced himself of that.
Howard said Richard claims he lit fireworks down his pants. Howard asked if he really did that. Richard came in and said he did it when a neighbor challenged him to do it. He said it was a pack of lady fingers. He said it blew the shit out of his ass. He said he was like 12 years old. Howard said he thought it was recently. Howard said he's smartened up. Richard said they do a lot of dumb things as kids.
Robin read more about Cosby and that deposition. Robin said there is a story about one woman who is gay and Cosby was claiming that she wanted it. Robin said Cosby didn't know she was gay.
Howard said Richard brought his pet guinea pig to a photo place to get his picture taken. Richard brought it in and showed Howard. Howard asked if he could have taken it himself. Richard said no because the guy had the backgrounds. He said they're going to spend a few hundred bucks on that. Richard said that's Tico because Taco passed away.
Robin read a story about the son of Muammar Gaddafi who is going to be put to death. Robin said that there are others who will be put to death over war crimes.
Robin read a story about Mullah Omar, the leader of the Taliban, possibly being killed.
Robin read about how Microsoft is releasing Windows 10 today. Howard said he's so done with that. He said he was a user for years. Robin said the last version was too tough to figure out. Robin had some audio of someone from Microsoft talking about how it's going to be great and it will get greater every day. Howard said he's not sure why Windows never pulled it together to be great. He said Windows does some things that his Apple doesn't do though. He said he uses Outlook for email and it works better on Windows.
Robin read about America's Got Talent is celebrating 10 years on the air with a 2 hour special tonight. Robin said they will be featuring clips from past shows. Howard said he didn't know about that but he'll watch. Robin said that they're averaging 12.5 million viewers this summer so far.
Robin read a story about a new the new Keith Richards album that's coming out. She had a sample of one of his songs.
Robin said the Man from U.N.C.L.E. is coming out soon. Howard said he's looking forward to that. He said that he's looking forward to the new Fantastic Four movie too. Robin had some audio of Armie Hammer talking about the new Man from U.N.C.L.E. movie. Howard didn't know who Armie Hammer was. Robin had to remind him that he played the twins in The Social Network. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon asked Jillian about the weather discussions she had with Howard. Jillian told Jon that she did that for years. She said that she had two weather extremes when she went from Montreal to Miami. Jon said they also found out about how many people are in love with her. Jillian said that they think she's in love with them. Jon spent a little more time talking to Jillian and then played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what he has for the poll today. Jon Leiberman said that they're asking ''Should JD Apologize to Bryan Cranston?'' and the choices are:
Jillian said that she thinks JD has more manners now and she thinks that he does owe Bryan. Jon asked Jillian if JD is good at texting. Jillian said he's very good at it. She said he's very concise. Gary asked if there was any flirting going on. Jillian said there was a little bit of that. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary said he just looks at the 5 day forecast and fast forwards to the sports. Jon asked Jon Leiberman if he thinks that weather is important. Jon Leiberman said that it is important on local channels.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she commutes to and from work and she wonders who makes the decision to turn off the show so their kids don't hear what they're saying. Jillian said that her kids don't hear it. She said one of the first things her daughter said was Baba Booey. She said that she asked her about 6 months ago about how old Howard Stern is. She said she thought he was 41. Jillian said that it's weird that she knows him from America's Got Talent. She said her 5 year old son drops the F-bomb and it's horrible.
Gary said he's not bothered by language. He said he'd have a difficult time explaining how and why he runs the Sybian. Jon said he didn't let the kids listen but his wife did. He said they're 21 and 18 now though so they can listen now. Jon Leiberman said that his 8 year old used to listen to Leiberman Live and he wondered why Jeff the Drunk sounds the way he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jillian if she misses commentating on the NFL and who is her favorite team. Jillian said she misses going in and seeing the guys. She said she crew up with the CFL so that's a whole other thing. Jillian talked about what it was like behind the scenes at the NFL thing. She said that they didn't talk about football when they were off the air.
Jon said Jillian is the man in the relationship and she would pay the check. She said that she was shocked when someone else paid. Jillian said she's just been really independent. She said she's always bought her own stuff. She said that she showers the person she loves with gifts. She said she doesn't need gifts in return but she wants someone to be kind in return. Jon said it can be intimidating to some guys. Jillian said that she would work day and night for a guy. She said it's tough to say that she only works 3 hours a day but she's providing for a family.
Gary said it's tough when the focus is on her. He said it must be hard for a guy to take. Jillian said no one fucked with her when she was dating the sniper. She said it's just part of her job to be well known.
Jon asked Jillian if she was offended that Howard didn't know Mohawk college. Jillian laughed and said she wasn't offended at all. They went to break after that.
Jillian said that she met Steve Michaels at this party and she isn't very good at noticing a guy is into her. She said her friend helped her out with that.
Jon said that there's someone there that he wants to talk to. Jon introduced a guy named Mark Grant who does the color commentary on the Padres. Jon said Mark works Baba Booey into his telecasts as much as he can. He said Jillian is the pioneer but Mark does it too. Mark said he's a big fan. Mark said he picks his spots because he doesn't want to over do it.
Jillian asked what his most obscure reference was. Mark said he's only done the Baba Booey thing. He said he has done it over the copyright read. Jon asked how many people are aware of what he's doing. Mark said even if just one person hears it then it's great.
Gary said Al Michaels gave Howard a shout out during the 1988 Olympics. He said he's been a fan for that long. Mark said that his Twitter lights up whenever he makes a reference.
Jillian said she likes it when people try to work in other things from the show. She said that's fun. Jon asked Jillian who she hangs with and talks about the show with. Jillian said her friends. She said that she has a friend who has been a fan for 22 years and she's been a fan for 24. Jillian said she remembers hearing the show 20 years ago and not that many women were calling in but now they do all the time.
Jon said Beetlejuice was in today and it's one thing to hear him but another to see him. Gary said he was in good spirits today. He said it was good to see him. Jon Leiberman said that people love to meet him and he loves taking pictures with people. He said you can't tell what's real and what's fiction with him. Gary said he has great penmanship but there are no words there. He said it's really neat and it looks good but it says nothing.
Gary said someone came up in the elevator with him and there were other people in the elevator who don't know who he is so they can't help but look at him.
Jon said the king of the Wack Pack is Beetle. He said that shocks him how much credit he gets. He said he is unmatched. Gary said he has longevity. He said he's as popular today as he was that first day. Jillian said he'll answer anything Howard throws out at him. She said he's the most bizarre and wonderful human being. Gary said he loved how he handled meeting his son and how he handled it when he found out he was gay.
Jon said Howard does a lot of heavy lifting with Beet. He said you never know how he's going to respond to a question. He said everyone wants a piece of him too.
Jon asked Jillian if she was offended that JD and Sal found her gettable. Jillian said she figures a lot of people feel that way. Gary said it's impossible that guys don't hit on her. She said they really don't. Gary said that everyone listening will hit on her now. Jillian said that she didn't know that Steve Michaels was into her. She said she got his number after her friend told her to. She said that she got his number but didn't call him for weeks.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what the results of the poll are. Jon Leiberman said the listeners have decided. He said 8 percent said no, 37 said yes and 55 percent said ''He probably did thank him but Bryan didn't understand a word he was saying.''
Jon wrapped up the show and gave plugs to Jillian and Mark Grant. They ended the show around 11:55am.
Jon Leiberman said that High Pitch Eric has texted him over 30 times overnight to talk about his feud with Elephant Boy. He said he'd like to send him to North Korea right now.
The guys talked about JD and the Bryan Cranston thing. Gary said he thinks JD appreciates that Cranston talked about him but he doesn't like the spotlight being put on him.
Gary said that he'd like to send Elephant Boy to Korea. He said on the channel 9 show they played a prank on ZsaZsa Gabor and told her that Elephant Boy was a producer who was Korean.
Jon said Dennis Rodman went to Korea and they made this documentary about it. Jon said he thinks Rodman's heart is in the right place but it's not the right thing to do. Gary said North Korea is looking for any celebrity to validate them and Dennis is the only guy who is willing to do it. Sherrod said that Hulk Hogan will be next.
Jon said Dennis Rodman dated Robin Quivers. Gary said he doesn't think that they dated but they went out on one date. Jon asked if that's the one that got away. Gary said he doesn't know about that. Sherrod said he's surprised that he went out with her. Jon said Robin has dated a few personalities. Gary said she has dated Penn Jillette and Jim Florentine. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said a couple years ago they were talking about the best guitar players and Gary mentioned Lindsay Buckingham. He said Howard blew that off. Jon cut him off and said they're trying to talk about Alec Baldwin. He hung up on him and moved on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he felt like Howard was getting pissed off at Alec cutting him off during the interview. He asked if they felt that too. Gary said he thinks it's interesting because Alec does interviews now on his own show. He said there might be a little bit of that going on but he doesn't think Howard was irritated.
Jon asked Sherrod about doing his podcast and how different that can be hosting. Sherrod said when you're interviewed by someone you don't let go of the driving the show thing. Jon said that Glenn Beck did some of that too but you don't do that when you're in Howard's house.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they ever thought about giving Alec a bottle of water. Gary said he had a bottle right next to him and he asked his people if he should bring water in. He said he was told no. He didn't want to step on anyone's toes. Gary said sometimes people will order coffee and one day he was standing there waiting for a moment to hand it over and Howard just told him to give him the fucking coffee.
Jon took a call from a guy whose phone cut out. The guy wanted to ask how Elephant Boy got his name. Gary said he sounded like the Elephant Man so they gave him that name when he first started coming on the show.
Jon Leiberman said he can get about 80 percent of Elephant Boy's words but Gary seems to get it all. Gary said he took Elephant Boy on a dial-a-date once and it was crazy. He said the music was really loud and he was the only one who could understand it. He said Fred was feasting on the chips at the table and he was talking and spitting food. He said Elephant Boy is completely unaware that he's even doing that.
Jon got back to Alec and said they were talking about his love of Manhattan. Jon said that they were talking about the characters in the city and how they're returning now. Sherrod said he's seen some of them. He said they're moving out to Coney Island now. Gary said he heard people on the train talking about the Naked Cowgirl. Jon said that things do seem to be changing. He asked if DeBlasio is getting a bad rap. Sherrod said he thinks he's getting a bad rap. He said it's pretty much the same thing it was 4 years ago.
Gary said it's hard to tell for him. He said that he's not sure if it's just because people don't like DeBlasio or if it's really different. Jon said when you're in that position you have to have a good sense of humor about that stuff. He talked about how Giuliani was able to do that.
Jon Leiberman said they have the safest big city in the country, hands down. He said if you measure quality of life by that then they're doing well. Gary said he's heard people saying they're seeing the beginnings of the thread and that's what they're worried about.
Jon said in New York it seems that most people have respect for each other. He said it never erupts like people think it will when something happens in another city. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
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Gary said he prepares in the evening. He said he puts out his shoes, socks, pants, underwear and a shirt. He said he gets up in the morning, takes a leak, takes a shower, gets ready with his other stuff and gets dressed. He said he's out the door. He said that he could be sleeping for that 90 minutes.
Gary said Sal's Achilles heel is his skin. He said when he gets nervous he gets a thing on his skin that looks like a basketball. He said Sal has a crazy ritual and he has crazy rules from his wife. He said he has to spray his hair outside of the house. He said at one point he was running through his hallway spraying it. He said she told him to take it outside after that. Jon said he's not sure what he's doing.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman if he has that kind of ritual. Jon Leiberman said he goes to the gym every morning. He said he puts out his clothes like Gary does. He said he moisturizes at night. He said he also raps. Sherrod told him to stop that. Jon said he thought Jon Leiberman was retired. Jon Leiberman said he as kidding. He said he doesn't really rap anymore. He said he has retired. He said he retired because his performance was poor. He said he has friends who would agree that he was good back in the day.
Gary said he doesn't want to get too far off of this. He asked if maybe the guys made him perform to goof on him. Jon Leiberman said it's a possibility. Sherrod said that he's sure they know the streets and music at the frat house. Jon asked what his name was back then. Jon Leiberman said it was ''2 Live Jew.'' Sherrod got a laugh out of that.
Jon said he thinks that Leiberman took it seriously. Jon Leiberman said he did. Sherrod asked if it was like that Oklahoma on the bus song. The guys laughed.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary ever forgets to do stuff because his kids interrupt. Gary said that no one gets up that early. He said it can get interrupted though. He said there are times when his ritual gets messed up if he forgets his phone or something.
Jon said that he doesn't want to wake up his kids at 4 in the morning. He said you don't want to talk to them. Jon said if his ritual gets messed up it can really throw him off.
Gary said they brought their kids in one time and both he and Jon left their phones in the car when they brought their kids in because they had messed up their ritual so much.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman if he has the results of the poll. Jon Leiberman said it's the tightest poll in the history of the show. Jon said it always seems to be like that with him. Jon Leiberman said that the results are 7 percent for Elephant Boy, 16 for Sal, 19 for High Pitch Eric and a tie between JD and Ronnie with 29 percent. Jon said he was refreshing the poll and it was 30 percent for JD for a moment. It was back to 29 a minute later.
Jon wrapped up the show and gave some plugs before ending the show around 11:35am.
Jon asked if he did his Cosby for Cosby. Godfrey said he did. He said he was running up and down doing his Cosby and getting laughs. He said then the laughter went a little higher. Cosby was dead behind him for like a minute and he didn't know. He said Cosby told him he doesn't sound like that.
Jon asked what he thinks about Cosby and what he's going through now. Godfrey said he doesn't know. He said he's been doing comedy for 50 years now. He said he's an idol. He said Richard Pryor looked up to him back in the 60s. Godfrey did his Pryor impression talking about that. Godfrey said when there are 40 something women coming out... He said even when there were 15 he was like ''something's going on.'' He said what's funny is that he had a lady in his agency who told him what happened to her when she was on the Cosby show. He said she told him that it was just her and Cosby and he had told her that more people were coming. Godfrey said she told him that she got grabbed and man handled but she escaped and ended up laughing about it. She got out of it.
Jon said it's amazing how many stories you hear now. Godfrey said Hannibal Buress was the one talking about Cosby and talking about how he could be a rapist. He did his impression of Hannibal. He said women were thinking that people will believe a man and not a woman when it comes to something like that. He said that's why they ran with it.
Jon said Hannibal talked to Howard about it. He said that Janice Dickinson did too. Godfrey said she's nuts so she's the wrong person to talk about it. Jon said where there's smoke there's fire. Godfrey said he'll ask people when he's on the road if they think Cosby did it or not. He said it's so divided because people don't want to believe. He said Cosby doesn't have a rape face. He said if it was Samuel L. Jackson he'd believe it.
Jon said they'll get to more of that after he plays ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon played that and then said they're all over the place this morning with all of that.
Jon said one of the clips was Jillian Barberie talking about how everyone there thinks they can get her. He said that she is very nice to them so that might be why. Godfrey said that's the thing with hot chicks. He said even her last name is like Barbie. Godfrey said with hot women they say hi to you and they look like they like you. He said they're hot and they're looking at you and you think they like you. He said if an ugly chick says it then you want them to stop looking at you. Godfrey said this is science. He said it's like a bee that goes to flowers. He said they're attracted to flowers. He said we're attracted to attractive women. He said we automatically like them. He said sometimes it's bullshit. He said they're friendly and they know that dudes are going to think they have a chance.
Jon asked if the move is to treat them like anyone else. Godfrey said that's the move. Jon said it's easier said than done. He said being hot is like a rich man. He said a rich man is everyone's type. He said you become the pretty bitch. He said when you're super wealthy you get ass like Trump. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said even Alec Baldwin did an impression when he came in. that led to Godfrey talking about what he's seen Jim Breuer do. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
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Jon asked if he has ever done an impression that he just wasn't able to do. Godfrey thought about it and said he doesn't think so. He said that Dean Edwards started doing Denzel Washington and he was so mad at him. He said he has a more subtle Denzel than Dean. He said he got that one and Dean had his.
Jon said Damon does great stand up and wondered how he does the character thing. Damon said he doesn't do many impressions. He said he does a shitty Chappelle impression and a shitty Katt Williams impression. He said his voice is too high. Damon did some of his Chappelle impression of Chappelle. The guys thought it was actually pretty damn good.
Damon was talking about doing comedy and how you can do impressions but you can't take other people's thoughts. He said that's not cool. He said there are black comedians who will take a white comedian's material and do it for a black audience and vice versa. He said that's not cool.
Jon asked the guys what they think about this Periscope thing. Damon said it's not cool. He said that's the way they make a living. He said people are taking away from his being able to make money. Godfrey asked if he has tried Periscope. Damon said it's just super weird. He said that he had a friend show him how to use it and it's weird. Jon said that people want to see you doing something behind the scenes. Damon said it's taking away from the mystery and star power. He said you work hard to become a star and it's taking away from that. He said now you're just a buddy instead of someone you want to go see. Godfrey said it's just stupid to do it if you don't even have the numbers. He said you need millions.
Damon said he's heard that some people are kicking people out of their shows for doing the Periscope thing during their shows. Jon said he would imagine that it could become a problem.
Jon took a call from a guy who sad he's a fan of Damon's. He said Godfrey is great too. He said he needs a Beetlejuice impression. Godfrey said he actually has one. He said he doesn't want to get beat up by Beetlejuice though. Jon said he can't reach his face so he shouldn't worry. The caller said Godfrey has to practice saying ''Who, me?'' The caller said it was great to hear Beet on this week. He told the guys some of the wacky stuff he was talking about this week. He said it was fantastic. He said he didn't miss a beat. Jon said it's so true because when Beet comes in and he's on it's the best. He said sometimes he's in a bad mood but not this time. He said he is the king of the Wack packers.
Jon said that they were talking about hot women and how you can't help but be mesmerized. Damon said Beet was in Scary Movie 2 and he didn't think he was going to live that long. He said he was so crazy and drunk all the time. He said he was one of the first guys he saw do cocaine. He said that was years ago too. Jon said he thinks Beet drinks now but he's not sure about drugs. Damon said he remembers seeing how tiny his head was. He said they hung out and it was a lot of fun.
Godfrey said when he watched the Stern show he thought it was cool seeing Beet. Jon said he's 46 years old now. Jon said he tells you other ages but that's what he really is.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and gave Damon and Godfrey some plugs as well. They ended the show around 11:40am.