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Howard started the show talking about being back live after a 2 week break. He said that was too short for him. He said he needs to be away longer. Howard said he's going to delay Robin from saying anything. He said he'll count to 3 and let her. Robin said that's no way to start a show after a break. Howard said he had to.
Robin asked what he did with his break. Howard said he did nothing and he loved it. Howard said he likes time off. He said he likes to putz around the house.
Howard said Benjy lost a ton of weight while they were off. Howard asked if he has skin hanging off. Benjy said he does but he has to lose more before he does anything about it. He said he can pull the skin over his head. Howard asked him to pick up his shirt. Benjy said he's not going to do that. Howard said he likes when you lose it rapidly it hangs like a curtain. Benjy said you think that you're going to be really good looking when you lose it but then you're not and there's nothing left to do. Howard said you and do nothing. Fred suggested cutting off his head. Benjy said he wants to get hair transplants. Robin said she's seen some shots of guys who have had that done and it shows on the back of the head when they take out some pieces to transplant in the front.
Howard said he and Fred have their hair. He said he thinks about doing a face transplant. He said they have done that. Robin asked if Benjy is good looking with a bald head. Howard said no. He said he tried that. Howard said he's doing the baseball cap thing. Benjy said he's getting sick of it though. Howard said he should just shave the back of Jason's back and make a wig out of it. Howard said the hair transplant technology is getting better. He said he knows guys who have had it done and they do look better. Robin said Tom Arnold has had it done. Howard said you see the cornrows though. Howard said he knows other guys who have it and you can't tell.
Howard asked how much weight Benjy has lost. Benjy said he thinks it's 60. He said he just stopped eating. He said he'd like to lose another 30. Howard said it takes so much time in the gym. Howard said they should call him Skinjy since he has all of that skin hanging.
Howard said he never feels intelligent. He said after that he does. Howard said he doesn't know geometry but then he watches that pageant and he feels really intelligent. Howard said it helps him. He said it's unfortunate that it's not on network TV. Howard said Roger Ailes watches that and sees a new anchor woman.
Howard played a clip of Miss Nevada trying to answer a question about improving race relations in the U.S. She wasn't able to come up with a decent answer either. She fumbled over her answer and said they just need to be more accepting. Howard said these were the best from their states. He said they beat out other idiots. Howard said that she was talking about getting groups or racists together. Howard said she should have just shouted out the N-word and left it at that.
Howard said someone was asked what woman they'd like to see on a dollar bill and sone woman said that she'd like to see Oprah. Howard played that clip too.
Howard said Oprah puts nutty people like Lindsay Lohan on her show. Robin said that she called the woman who beat her son in the streets during the Baltimore riots and told her that she did a good job.
Howard said Rosie Perez announced she was leaving The View and she was crying. Howard said she doesn't need to leave and she was only here for 10 months. Howard said she doesn't need to leave. Howard played a clip of her crying making her announcement on the show. Howard said he's not sure who she's even talking to on the cast. Howard said that she must be getting shoved out of the show. Howard said Van Halen has a more stable group. Howard said Gary Sharone was in the band longer than Rosie Perez was on that show. Howard said he knew something was up because he hadn't heard anything about Rosie Perez in 10 years. Robin said that she got to stay until the end of her contract. Robin said the handwriting was on the wall.
Howard said he left America's Got Talent and he hasn't cried once. He said you don't cry if you choose to leave. Howard said he's really not upset about it. He said it was a fun gig but he's not crying over it.
Howard played more of Rosie Perez talking about leaving The View. She said she has no regrets about coming to the show. Howard asked if they're worried about the ratings. Robin said she thinks that's what it is. Howard said they have to worry about the ratings over there. Howard said he has been there with the ratings thing. Howard said that satellite asked how many radios he could sell.
Rosie said something in Spanish in the clip. Howard joked that she yelled out the location of El Chappo. Howard said that was some escape. Howard said they were making fun of Mexico for not being able to hold him but they had people escape in New York too. Howard said El Chappo is a fan of Robin's and he called in before he escaped. Howard played a clip they created of El Chappo talking to Robin saying he was on his way to her house. Howard said they didn't notify the authorities about that.
Howard said that was an exciting moment. Howard said he fucked Satan in the ass. Robin said he tea bagged him too. Howard said that sounds like fun so he wants to convert to Christianity. Howard said he has heard that call like 20 times and he loves it every time.
Howard said while they were gone Ringo Starr had a birthday and ''Peace and love'' is his thing now. Howard said that he what he wanted for his birthday was for everyone to say Peace and Love at the same time. Howard said he has lost his mind. Howard played a clip of Ringo asking everyone to do that on July 7th. Howard wondered how that went. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he thinks in the 70s they could have done that. Howard said he's going to try to get everyone to say ''Hey now!'' on January 12th next year.
Robin said that they spun the movie Ant-Man at number one in a bad way. Howard asked how they did that. Robin said they said it ''crawled'' its way up there.
Howard said that there are people out there who can't believe he makes the kind of money that Forbes claims he makes. Howard said of course this guy can't believe it. He said this guy is in Fargo, north Dakota and he's just reading the news. Howard said he is in a field that relies on you being handsome. Howard said he takes no risks. Howard said he makes people laugh for a living so of course he gets paid well. Howard played a clip of that reporter commenting on him. The first news anchor was talking about the people who get paid the most. She said ''Howard Stern is still around...'' Then the other news anchor asked how that's possible. Howard said that he has millions of people listening to him. That's how. He said this guy could do the same thing if he got out of Fargo and worked on his comedy. Howard said this guy is in broadcasting and he still doesn't get how that works. Howard said they have subscribers there, not ad revenue. Howard said he doesn't get how this guy doesn't get it. Howard said there is ad revenue but not that many commercials. Howard said he just spoke for a half hour without a break. Howard said that they have Squatty Potty and Ashley Madison as sponsors there.
Howard played more of the two news reporters talking about him. Howard said it's confounding to them that he makes good money. He said that it's not the 95 million that they claim it is but he's paid well. Howard said that they're fucking idiots. He said it's two imbeciles doing the news. Robin said they should have had that conversation off the air. Howard said they should speak to a psychiatrist. Howard said the reason he does what he does is so he wouldn't have to live in Fargo. He said no offense to those who do. Howard said he didn't know Fargo still existed.
Howard said Moe Green from the Godfather movies, played by Alex Rocco, has died at 79. Howard said Moe Green was a Jewish Mobster in the movie. Howard said Alex Rocco wanted to play one of the mobsters. Francis Ford Coppola said he had his Jew but Alex said he can't play a Jew. Howard said Coppola convinced him to do it and it was the best role of his career. Howard said Alex died of cancer. He said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said it's just so cool and sang along with it a little bit. Howard said Paul Rudd is in Ant-Man. Howard said it opened up at number 1 at the box office. Paul came in and Howard said he has to be so happy. Paul said he is. Howard said it's nice to see him. Paul said the same for Howard.
Howard said you don't want to be the guy who puts out a Marvel movie that doesn't do well. Howard said he was in Clueless and that flew in under the radar. Howard said that's fine but this whole thing is a different story. Paul said he didn't think too much about it early on. He said it can be overwhelming. Howard said Ant-Man is one of the lesser known characters. Howard said about 15 years ago he had a meeting with Marvel about buying the rights to it. Paul said that's amazing to him. Howard said he liked Ant-Man but didn't know everything about him. Howard said he had some cool stuff though. Paul said people ask him what he can do and he says that he can shrink to the size of an ant and he can talk to ants. He said people aren't that impressed. Paul said he doesn't know that much about ants. He said he knows more now than he did. He said there are thousands of kinds. He said some are creepy and weird. Howard said Ant-Man didn't know much about them either.
Howard asked if he bought an ant farm after he got the part. Paul said he didn't but the guys on the set had one but one day all of the ants were just dead. Howard asked if he respects ants more now. Paul said he does. He said he does feel this kinship with them. He said he was getting some coffee the other day and there were a couple on their way to the Keurig machine. He said he figured they'd find their way out. Robin asked what the lifespan of an ant is. Paul said he didn't research that much.
Howard said he heard he wrote the script with another guy. Paul said that this guy Edgar Wright wrote it with another guy and Edgar left the project. He said that he had some ideas that they didn't want to go with. He said that he split and then there was a draft floating around and Adam McKay came on board. He said that they needed a director and they wound up writing the script from there. Howard asked if it was written as a comedy. Paul said that you have to play it straight. He said that it wasn't a straight up comedy. He said they want it to be funny but it has to be dramatic too. He said at the same time it's Ant-Man who is flying around on an ant.
Howard said the movie opened this weekend at number 1. He said it wasn't a huge budget movie like some are. Howard asked if he was watching the box office. Paul said he was kind of watching it and he was very stressed the whole weekend. Paul said he has never had anything quite like this. He said the way he talks about it is different than other things he does. He said he usually makes fun of the movies he's in but he can't do that with this. Howard said now that he's part of the Marvel success story he will end up being in 20 other Marvel movies. Paul said he's going to be in Captain America 3. He said he was there a few weeks ago. He said he was there and he's like ''There's Tony Stark.'' He said there's that moment when they're all in their costumes and they're looking at each other saying ''We're grownups.''
Howard said there's a certain snobbery there too. Howard said other actors might put their nose up but this is a great role to play. He said that you have financial success and that lets you do other movies. Howard said kids love you too. He said it's the ultimate thing. Paul said that these movies work on a global scale and you want to take shots at the number one guys. He said he loves it when he sees stories about actors going to children's hospitals and stuff. He said it's important to remember that 99 percent of the world doesn't give a shit. He said they shouldn't. Paul said these guys are going into hospitals and talking to kids and he thinks that's awesome.
Howard said for guys his age comic books were a joke. He said now they treat them seriously and it's amazing for him to see it. Paul said that the guys who are running Marvel love the comics and they know the stories they want to tell. He said they just speak that language.
Howard asked if he has written other movies. Paul said he wrote Role Models and some of the scripts for the show ''Party Down.'' He said this was like his third script. Howard said that they must trust him with it. Paul said he has no idea why they would. Howard asked if he had to pitch them the idea. Paul said they looked at the script Edgar had written and they had some other ideas that they spent talking about. Paul said it took a couple of months to write after Marvel told them to go ahead with it.
Howard asked if they had a guy there on the set to keep an eye on things. Paul said they do have a guy who sits in and gives ideas. He said that he's great. Paul said they're always coming up with ideas and sending notes.
Howard asked if he went out and celebrated this weekend. Paul said he knew he was coming in there so he kept a clear head. He said he had a pretty chill weekend. Robin asked if there were people who were pegged for the role before him. Howard said it was him and Donald Trump. Howard said Bill Cosby too. Howard said it must have just been Paul. Paul said Edgar had wanted him to do it. He said if there were other conversations he's not sure.
Howard said Paul had to get ripped for the part. Paul said he did. He said that Judd Apatow likes him chubby. Howard asked what he does when he gets ripped. Paul said he didn't know what to do. He figured Marvel would have a team. He said they didn't do any of that. Howard asked if they talked to him about it at all. Paul said he just asked people he knew. He said he found this nutritionist and a guy who worked with some athletes and actors. Howard asked if he had to eat more. Paul said he was told what to eat. He said it really worked. He said the work out thing was crazy. He said he worked out in the city with a trainer named Richard. He said the guy was a professional body builder. He said they stuck to working out 4-5 times a week. He said he was doing cardio on his own too. He said he'd go on these machines to work out. Howard asked if he hated the process. Paul said at first he did. He said that he can be obsessive about things. He said he knew he had to do this. He said that he has to keep up with it now too. He said he took off body fat and got down to like 8 percent body fat. He said he was up around 21. He said that he looked regular. Howard said he got the physique good enough. Paul said he didn't feel like an imposter in the suit.
Howard asked Paul about being born in New Jersey and living there until he was 6. He moved to Kansas after that. Paul said they moved around a few times. He said that his dad worked for TWA. He said they just kept moving.
Howard asked when he knew he wanted to be an actor. Paul said when he was about 16-17 he thought he might want to do that. He said he loved the Steve Martin records. He said that he was into comedy records. He said that the Steve Martin records were crazy great. He said he thought that would be a great job making people laugh. Howard said Judd Apatow loves Steve too. Howard said that he ran into Judd at some point. Paul said that he was talking to someone about fake names and he ended up finding out that Judd was into Steve too and they started emailing. He said that he liked what Judd had done and he met him on Anchorman. He said that it was like meeting a pen pal.
Howard asked Paul about becoming a DJ when he was a kid. Paul said there was a bar named Studebakers and he had really long hair. He said he was about 18. He said that he went in and asked about a job. He said they had a DJ booth there and he asked if he could do that. Paul said he wound up doing that and had some idea about what music to play. He said it was a bar that he didn't have to try too hard getting people up in. He said he had to wear a wig to work though. He said when he moved from Kansas he needed a job and he got a DJ job doing weddings and bar mitzvah's. He said he did that for about a year. Howard said that must be better than being a waiter. Paul said he did that too. Paul said he was at a bar mitzvah and he ended up mocking the whole thing. He said that he was doing this goofy stuff and his boss named him Donnie the Dweeb. He said he had to keep doing that. He said it became his thing.
Howard said Paul was doing that DJ thing and he ended up going to a bat mitzvah. Paul said he was asked to do this Donnie the Dweeb dance there and he did a lap dance on this girl. He said that his friends didn't find it funny at all. He said that was the last time he ever did it. Howard said there must be kids who have pictures of him doing that and they don't even know it's him.
Howard said the movie Clueless put Paul on the map. Paul said that did change things for him. Howard said his manager said he could be in Halloween 6 or Clueless. Paul said his manager said that he should do Halloween 6. Howard asked where he finds the strength to say no to that and do Clueless. Paul said that Halloween 6 is a mess. He said that was the first one he did and he didn't want to do it. Paul said that he knew what path he wanted to take and his manager was working on Halloween 6. He said he was a big Daniel Day Lewis fan and his manager told him that's the one he would do. He said he did that one and then got cast in Clueless around that time. He said his manager said that maybe he shouldn't do Clueless. He said he went in and auditioned for it. Howard said he wasn't very well known and either was Alicia Silverstone. Paul said that Amy Heckerling was directing. He said he knew that she did Fast Times at Ridgemont High. He said that he was trying to get Donald Faison's part not knowing that it was for an African American.
Howard asked if his life changed after that. Paul said it changed because he was meeting the director right away instead of doing 4 auditions first. He said that Clueless came out first. He said then Halloween 6 came out. He said he watches that movie now and he sees how earnest he was trying to be in it. Howard asked how soon he lost he agent after that. Paul said it wasn't long after that.
Howard said he heard a story about him being out shooting Clueless. He said Paul got mugged and he had a gun go off next to his head. Howard said that has to be scary. Paul said he knew he was going to have PTSD after that. He said that he was shooting the movie and he was at Jerry's Deli in Studio City. He said this guy came out of nowhere and the guy wanted money and he had none on him. Howard said that he must have shit his pants. Paul said he got very calm. He said the guy said it was areal gun and shot it next to his head. He felt it go through his hair. He said he told the guy that he could take whatever he wanted. He said the guy went through this stuff in his car and he thought about slamming the door on his legs. He said he had a gun though so he didn't do that. Paul said everything slows down when that's going on.
Howard asked if his hearing was affected by that. Paul said that it didn't. He said that it kind of weirded him out. He said that he could have been killed. He said he shot the next day on the movie. Howard said he would have called in sick. Howard said in the same time Paul had 5 car accidents. Paul said they had an earthquake too. He said he was in 5 car accidents. He said that he knew he had to get out of there. He said he went to New York and got an audition with a theater club. He said he had to do two monologues for them. He said he picked a couple and he did Amadeus. He said he was walking to the audition and bumped into someone. He said he bumped into the guy who played Amadeus in the movie. He said he told him he should move to New York. He said he did that after that. He said he rented a car in L.A. and that car got hit. He said he moved to New York and he's been there ever since.
Howard asked if you have to be in L.A. to be in movies. Paul said he wanted to do theater too so it's fine. He ended up meeting his wife as soon as he got there too. He said he met her the first day he was there. He said she worked for this PR firm and she was in the New York office. Paul said he didn't know anyone there and he started talking to her and they got to know each other. He said he felt that she was a woman and not just a girl.
Howard said Paul wasn't a big star at the time either. Paul said that Clueless wasn't even out yet. He said they went to see it and she was surprised at how big his role in it was. Howard said that movie made a ton of money. Paul said he got a call from the producer who told him it was a hit but don't get used to it. Paul said it was a very unrealistic way to start. Howard asked if he had a lot of fans coming up to him after that. Paul said not really. He said his career has been a pretty slow burn. Howard said that Anchorman was a really funny movie. Paul said that changed his life. He said that he wasn't doing a lot of comedies before that. Howard said that's funny because he thinks of him doing comedies. Paul said he got into a bunch of other comedies. He said when he decided to get into acting he studied theater. He said he'd suggest acting school for anyone who wants to act.
Howard asked about being cast in Friends and how big of a deal that was. Paul said that's still the biggest deal. He said that he was only supposed to be on for one or two episodes. He said that whole experience was strange. He said it was near the end of its run and he just didn't want to get in the way. Howard asked if he didn't want to screw things up. Paul said that he's not sure he would have done the final two seasons but he did one or two thinking it would be fun. Howard asked if he got nervous going into it. Paul said it was a new format for him. He said it's a very strange feeling to do a 4 camera shoot like that. He said that they told him that he'd like doing it because it's like a play but it's really not. He said you do things over and over. He said the tapings last all night. He said every Friday things were crazy. He said the fans were psyched to see the taping. He said it was really strange. He said it was like a Beatles concert.
Howard asked if they kept changing things in the show. Paul said they were constantly changing lines. He said there was very little ad libbing. He said that you do the run through and then you can pitch changes. He said they'd do it all over again. Howard said it seems really tight the way they do things. Howard said it must make you feel good when they say only one or two episodes but then he becomes Phoebe's husband. Paul said it's really strange to think about how he was on Friends.
Howard asked if he was attracted to Alicia Silverstone at all on the set. He said that it's almost impossible not to fall in love. Paul said part of your job is to make it seem convincing. He said with Alicia he felt like she was a kid. He said he wasn't much older but he was older. He said that's not much but that's 23 or 24 and she was 17 so it felt like it was more. Howard said she blew up as a big star too. Howard said now Paul has this big career and Alicia isn't as big as she was. Paul said she does a lot of plays. He said he saw her in something a couple of years ago. He said that they see each other on occasion but not very often. Paul said she's a really good actress and she's very interesting.
Howard said Paul did a play with Julia Roberts and she didn't get great reviews but Paul did. Howard asked if that kills it. Paul said that was called 3 Days of Rain. He said she was incredible in the play. He said she never read the reviews. Howard asked if Paul read the reviews on Ant-Man. Paul said he did. He said the reviews are different. He said that if you read the reviews of a play it can mess with your head. He said Julia Roberts would laugh when she'd get flowers from James Gandolfini saying ''fuck them.'' He said she'd laugh and say that she must have really sucked to have gotten that many flowers.
Howard said doing a play seems to be grueling. Howard said that it's 8 times a week. Paul said that you feel part of the community and all of that. He said that there is a thrill to that. He said it's thankless. He said 8 shows a week sucks. Paul said he loves it and he will continue to do it but every time he does it he wonders why he's doing it.
Howard asked if he can memorize stuff pretty easily. Paul said he can but then he forgets it as soon as he's done. Howard said he did his movie and there were people who weren't able to remember their lines. Paul said that sometimes they'll mess up their lines in a play and just make something up. He said there are a lot of guys who work like that and make things up and it's a variation on a theme. Howard said when he did his movie he was told to stick to the script. He said he had to memorize his lines. Paul said it all depends on the director and the actors you're with.
Howard said that Paul did Knocked Up and 40 Year Old Virgin too. Howard said those are some funny movies. Paul said working on those movies is the best. He said going to work every day and not knowing what the scene was going to be is great. He said certain scenes that are quoted are things they just made up.
Howard asked when he knew he had made it. Paul said that once people started knowing his name he knew it. Howard said he wanted to be in Titanic. Paul said he really wanted in on that for his dad. He said his dad knew a lot about the titanic. He said that he was working on Romeo and Juliet and he had a conversation with Leonardo DiCaprio about it before he did the movie. Howard asked if you want something too bad then you can fuck it up. Paul said he may not have fucked it up but he may have just gone ''Nah.'' when he went in.
Howard asked if he thinks he's good at auditioning. Paul said that sometimes his agent will tell him that they don't want him to audition. He said that sometimes you just want to see the chemistry and he gets that.
Howard asked Paul what's next. Howard asked if they're thinking about the next Ant-Man movie. Paul said he really doesn't know yet. He said he thinks it remains to be seen. He said the response to it is amazing so that's encouraging. Howard said he can't wait to see it. Howard said he is so stoked about super hero movies. Howard said the reviews were fabulous so he congratulates him on that.
Howard said if he had to make a second Ant-Man why they don't just pick out a story and make it. He said a lot of times they don't do that. Paul said when you do a second one you don't have to set up the whole origin of it. He said with Ant-Man it gets really trippy. He said there's a lot of crazy stuff. Howard said that's what they should do. Howard said they keep going to the back story for so many of these characters.
Robin asked Paul what being in the Comic-Con world is like. Paul said he went to last year's and it was pretty crazy. He said he was there with the Avengers and it was like hanging out with the Beatles. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is amazing as Iron Man. Howard asked if he met Stan Lee. Paul said that guy is so cool and amazing. He said he's really funny too. He said Stan said that the best part was that they can show just how small he is because in the comic books that's very hard to convey.
Howard said that they are making so much money with the movies and it must blow Stan's mind. Paul said Stan handles himself with so much respect. He said he'll ask questions about your life and he'll just sit an talk. He said he's very humble. Howard said the premises for these characters are crazy.
Howard asked if Michael Douglas said ''Howard Stern'' instead of Howard Stark at some point. Paul said he did. He said that it may be on the DVD. Howard said it would be so great if they left that in. Howard asked Paul what he did when Michael said that. Paul said ''I love Howard Stern'' when he said it. He said that they said Baba Booey in Wanderlust. Howard said that's right. He said they played that on the air.
Howard said Michael Douglas is great too. He said it must be great to work with him. Paul said it's crazy. He said he has worked with a couple of people like that. He said he worked with Nicholson too. He said that they'll be in the middle of a scene and then you realize that you're working with this person who has been in these iconic movies. Howard asked if they are really relaxed on film. Paul said they're really talented. Howard asked if they're self aware. Paul said they're just so relaxed. He said they're very comfortable with where they're at.
Howard said that at one point Paul decided to cross his legs like Sharon Stone in Basic instinct. Paul said he didn't tell anyone and he was off camera. He said he took everything out so it was all hanging out. He said he had his t-shirt hanging over it. He said then he sits down and it all slips up. He said he's trying to get it all back out and its not working. He said Michael is doing his speech and he doesn't even see it. He said he would occasionally see it and then he just stops and calls him a pervert. Paul said after that he wanted him to love it but he knew he shouldn't have done it. He said some of the camera guys were laughing because it failed so bad.
Howard said that Netflix is doing a prequel to Wet Hot American Summer and he wondered if Paul will be in it. Paul said the whole cast will be in it. He said it's like 15 years later. He said they were too old to play the parts back then and now they're 15 years older and they're playing younger people. Howard asked if his parents have seen all of this success. Paul said his mom is still around but his dad didn't make it to see ''I Love You Man.'' He said that he got to see some of his success. He said it does bother him that he is dead. He said his dad was the guy who would always be in the grocery store and point out his son on a magazine cover. He said his parents told him to do whatever he wanted as long as he was happy. Paul said his dad wanted him to do what he wanted but he was more realistic than his mom. Paul said his dad had such venom toward people who were just trying to suck people dry trying to make money.
Howard asked if his dad would have loved that Michael Douglas thing. Paul said he would have loved it and he would have laughed even harder because it failed. Howard said that Paul Rudd is celebrating how well Ant-Man did this weekend. Howard said he will be in the audience for the second weekend. Howard said his friends told him that it was great. Howard thanked him for coming in and wrapped up with him. They went to break after that.
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Howard said there's an album by the Rolling Stones called Stripped. Howard said he didn't know about it. Fred said he loves that album. Howard said he loves the version of Love in Vain on that album. Howard said he didn't know anything about it until he was going through their catalog and ran across it. Howard said that's the best version of that song. Howard said it's just Mick and a guitar. Howard had Fred play it for him. Howard asked what year this was recorded. Fred said it was like 1994 or 95. Howard said he loves this.
Howard said he got an email from Shadoe Stevens over vacation. He said he sent him a link to something that Jason should link to. Howard said it's a parody of a Kung Fu movie. He said he can't remember the name of it. Howard said he's spacing out. JD said it's called ''Kung Fury.'' Howard asked JD when he saw it. JD said he heard about it when they were trying to get the money for it. He said they made it in Sweden or somewhere. Howard said he was pissing his pants watching it. Howard said it's a parody of every Kung Fu movie and it's so funny. He said one guy is in a split in the middle of the air and he's beating everyone up. Howard asked JD if he found it as funny as he did. JD said he did. Howard said this guy goes back in time to Kung Fu Hitler and it's funny as hell. He said it's great. Howard said Shadoe turned him on to it. He said it's brilliant. Howard said it's not as brilliant as the Stones but it's up there.
Howard said he has a bunch of things to play. He said they went out and asked Hispanic people if they like El Chappo or Donald Trump more. Howard played some of the answers that people were giving and they were saying they like El Chappo better than Trump. They were calling Trump the devil and things like that.
Howard said they had Arnold Schwarzenegger in there before they went on break and the reviews of the new Terminator movie weren't so great. Robin said her's wasn't so great. Howard had a message from a phony Arnold giving his response to those bad reviews.
Howard said he saw the movie. He said he saw a bunch. He said he liked Terminator Genisys. Robin said she thought they took away from the greatness of the Terminator movies. Howard said they might be done with it. Howard said he didn't hate it. Robin said she didn't hate it either. She said it just wasn't that great. Robin said it was fun seeing new Arnold and old Arnold. Howard said he enjoyed it. Robin said it was better than Jurassic Park. Robin said she thought that was terrible. Howard said he has no interest in seeing that. Howard said he doesn't care about that. Robin said the plot was just dumb.
Howard said he has a fun phony phone call from Chris Wilding. Howard said he got a bunch of goofy names from the show on another show. Howard said he got Rotten Cunts, Her Breasts Are Small and Shooting Ropes. Howard said he did them as German birthday announcements. Howard played the clip of this woman reading the names not knowing what they meant. Howard said they've pretty much gotten every other name on the air so now they have to do German names. Howard said good job to Chris.
Howard said he has a ton of phony phone calls. He said they take a lot of work to do. He said he has some good ones. Howard said they took the Bobo Apology and they called a fireworks place and said their kid was blowing everything up. Howard played that one. He said this kid bought fireworks and now he's blowing everything up. Sal called the place and had the fireworks going off in the background and then Sal says his cock is gone. Howard said you gotta love that.
Howard said before vacation he got into a jag about Gary's throat clearing driving him crazy. Howard said people say he's picking on Gary. He said he's really not. He said it's hard when he eats and Gary is clearing his throat. Howard said he stopped eating his breakfast in there because of that. Howard said he eats at home now. Howard said you can hear the phlegm. Howard played a song parody to the tune of the Addams Family theme with Gary clearing his throat. Howard played another one from Psych where he had Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said they did check on Bobo and tested him. He said that Bobo passed on the call from the people at General Hospital. Howard said that he held out. Howard said Bobo really thought it was General Hospital calling. Howard played the audio of Bobo taking the call from this guy from General Hospital asking if he was available. Bobo said he mentioned the show 5 times and Howard wasn't pleased with it. Bobo said maybe after this ''banned'' he can check with Gary about being on the show. Bobo said he can only take a call from Ralph but he hasn't called yet. Howard said they tried every angle with Bobo and he wasn't biting. Bobo refused to make any deal with them to mention the show on Howard's show. Bobo said he has been falling apart over this whole thing.
Howard said they tested him again. He played more of them trying to get Bobo to do the show and asking if he would want to be on with Kelly Monaco. Bobo stuck with it and didn't agree to anything.
Howard said they tested Bobo and he did better. He still didn't know it was them calling though. Robin said he speaks of himself in the third person. Howard said he might have his sentence suspended and be back in early September. He said the Bobo Free Summer continues for now. They played the Bobo Free Summer theme song and then a prank call they made using clips of Bobo. They went to break after that.
Howard said if that were him, and he liked the Dukes of Hazard, which he didn't, he's not sure you have to go out and celebrate loving that show. Howard said he understands the Munsters but not the Dukes of Hazard. Howard said forget about the flag but that show was just awful. Howard said if some girl sees that car she's going to wonder how long it will be before she's chopped up.
The caller said he's still looking into getting the car. The guy said that it's a Dodge Challenger but Fred told him it's Dodge Charger. Howard asked how much money the caller makes a year. The caller said around 90. Howard said you're going to take a large chunk of dough and find out he bought the wrong car. The caller said he doesn't have that extra dough. Howard said that's good.
Howard said they understand the racial background. Howard said putting that aside that car is from a shitty show. Howard said buying that car is a bad idea all around. The caller said he has good memories about that show. Howard told him to forget about it.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked how his vacation was. Howard said he just kind of chilled out. He said it was good. Speech Impediment Man asked if he was into Ant-Man when he was a kid. Howard said he was. Robin said he already talked about that. Howard said he was into Ant-Man when he was a kid. He said Ant-Man can get small like Atom from the DC comics. Howard said his strength goes up because of that. Howard said that he has the ability to communicate with ants. Howard said he can put together an army of ants to attack people. He said fly on ants too.
Speech Impediment Man said he read a story about a guy who is suing him or something. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Speech Impediment Man said he did some work on his mansion or something. Howard said he knows nothing about what he's talking about. Howard let Speech Impediment Man go after that.
Howard had some audio of Caitlyn Jenner speaking at the ESPY awards. It was their Bruce Jenner impersonator saying some goofy stuff.
Howard said he does support her. Howard said he's still waiting for her to come in there so he can interview her properly.
Howard said Bill Cosby is out of his fucking mind. Howard said he's so stupid that he'd talk about that in a deposition. Robin said that he may be arrogant. Howard said that he's been consistent about how lame he thought Bill Cosby was all these years. Howard said that must prove something. Howard said he must have known he was a dick head. Robin said he never called him a dick head. Howard said he's sure you can find him talking about the weird shit he was accused of doing. Howard said he's trying to give them some credit. Robin said she thinks they have been on the right side of this issue.
Howard said they interviewed Bill at WNBC. He said it was horrible. He said Bill Cosby is such a bore. He said the ratings had to go down when he was on. Howard said this deposition he gave is absolute insanity. Howard said a girl had accused him of drugging her in 1995 or so. Howard said Cosby gave in detail that it was consensual but he did use quaaludes on her. He said he talked about getting jerked off with hand lotion too. Robin said that he said he didn't want to have sex with the women because they'd fall in love with him. Howard said he can't imagine the depravity of doing that to a woman. Robin said he just wanted hand jobs and blow jobs because he thought they'd fall in love with him. Howard said most women don't enjoy penis. He said they just want to be with a man. Howard said Bill Cosby is out of his mind.
Howard said Janice Dickinson is on the war path again. Howard played a clip of her talking about how he should just cut off his balls. Howard said Whoopi Goldberg was defending Cosby on The View but then they had a legal analyst on the show. Howard said this guy talked to her and convinced her that she should change her mind.
Howard said she was the last hold out. Howard played some audio of Whoopi talking about Cosby about how most of the stuff out there points to guilt. Howard said one of the producers must have talked to her. Howard said just a couple of days before she was defending him. He played some audio of her doing that too.
Howard said that Cosby did comedy material about using stuff on women to get them to have sex with him. He said they did that in The Cosby Show too. Howard played a clip from The Cosby Show where Cosby was talking about his barbecue sauce and how he uses that to make people like him and how he had a cup of it up on his night stand. Howard said that's the creepiest clip ever.
Robin said that Phylicia Rashad was also defending Cosby. Robin said that Jada Pinkett Smith said that she never saw anything either. Howard said that Gretchen Carlson was talking about Cosby and she had nothing to talk about. Howard played a clip of her talking about her meeting with Cosby. She had no story at all. Nothing happened to her. Robin asked what the point was there. Howard said there was no point.
Howard said Cosby was the number 1 pitchman but now he's down to this. He played a Subway commercial parody with a fake Bill Cosby talking about how he's never messed around with child pornography. Howard said he feels bad for that Jared guy. Howard said he's not sure if he was up to anything but he had some dude working for him who had some child porn thing going on. Howard said you hope the guy doesn't lose his gig because of some conjecture. Robin said they have already taken him off the web site as a preemptive strike.
Robin wondered what Camille Cosby knows. Howard said she may have had her brain removed in the 1960s. Howard said she defends him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard played some audio from the British Open where people were yelling out Baba Booey. Howard said there was a Baba Booey at a Donald Trump rally. Howard said he thinks you can hear it. Robin said she was able to. Howard said getting that out there is a major accomplishment.
Howard asked JD if he made it to New Orleans with his girlfriend. JD said he did. He said they had great food down there. Howard asked if he was open to the new food. JD said he was. He said that they hung out and drank a little bit in the French Quarter. Robin asked if he was sweating a lot. JD said he was. Howard asked Robin what's weirder, the fact that JD has a girlfriend or that Caitlyn Jenner is a woman. Robin said the Caitlyn thing. Howard said he finds the JD thing weirder. They played a JD song parody after talking to him for a short time. JD asked how long that song goes on. Howard said it goes on a long time. He said it's like JD doing a monologue.
Howard said he got into that whole Pluto thing. Howard said that we just started flight like 100 years ago and we got a thing to fly by Pluto. Howard said that he was like holy shit. He said that it was weird to see that Pluto is a planet again. Howard said the whole thing is just wild. Robin said they are speculating on a lot. Howard said these people are brilliant. Howard said it's like ''Eat shit ISIS'' when you think about that. Howard said they almost didn't build this thing. Howard said that there was one doctor who figured they could do it.
Howard said that the first flight was in 1903 and now there's a rocket taking pictures of Pluto. Howard said it blows his mind.
Robin had some audio from the ESPY awards where Caitlyn was accepting an award and making a speech. Robin wondered if she's going to work on her voice. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said that's the one thing that hasn't really changed. Howard said that he got made up as a drag queen for his book. He said he wanted to pass as a woman. He said he never got that pleasure. He said if someone wants to give him an award he'd do that again.
Robin said that David Letterman came out of retirement. Howard said he saw that. He said he had a big beard. Howard said when you have a job like Dave did you shave every day. He said he does that when he goes on vacation but then it hurts when you shave. Robin said Dave came out on stage at a show that Steve Martin and Martin Short were doing. Howard said Dave got a lot of laughs and he's just really good in that setting. Robin said he always put down his stand up abilities. Robin said Dave seems to be having a good time.
Robin said a man was found in Demi Moore's pool. Robin said that Demi wasn't home and it was her assistant who had the party. Robin said this man was invited by the assistant and he was found in the morning in the pool. Robin said that he didn't know how to swim. Robin said he was just there floating in the pool.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's a whole different ball game in the South with the Confederate flag and the Dukes of Hazard. Howard said he didn't know that so many people were into that show. He said it was a dumb fucking show. Howard said it's one of the worst shows ever. The caller said he's worried about the gun control stuff that's coming out. Howard said there's nothing coming out. The caller said he's worried about their rights. Howard said we need less rights. Howard said no one is taking your gun away.
Howard said if you're in love with the Dukes of Hazard, don't admit it. He said you might as well walk around with a sign saying ''I'm stupid.'' Howard said Richard was into that show too. He said he went to meet the guy who played Roscoe on the show. Howard asked Richard what that was like. Richard came in and said he freaked out. He had a picture to show Howard. He said Daisy Duke was his first boner. He said he met the guy who played Enos too. Richard said there was a guy selling Dukes of Hazard junk and he bought a watch. He said he still has that junk somewhere. Howard asked Richard what was better, meeting Roscoe or having elves tuck him in. Richard said they never tucked them in. He said they asked for them to do it and when they heard he was 38 they said they have a 12 year old age limit. Howard told him to get out of there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the queen of England who is in trouble over some picture of her when she was young and gave the Hitler salute. Robin said the picture was from before the war.
Robin read a story about AshleyMadison.com being hacked. Robin said that data was stolen and user information has been posted online. Howard said someone has a lot of 'splainin' to do. Robin said they have apologized for this breach. Robin said this is a popular dating web site for those seeking extramarital dating.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked the History of Howard Stern last week. Howard said they do have a rich history. He said all generations will know the truth of the Howard Stern Show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy El Chappo wanted to kill Donald Trump. Howard said he thinks the guy has more on his mind than worrying about Donald Trump. Howard said he's being pursued by the Mexican Government. Howard said that they won't take our help to try and catch the guy. Howard said the thing with El Chappo is that people worship the guy. Howard said he never understood that. Howard said the guy is a criminal. He said he's killed a lot of their own people down there. Robin said he has created a terrible situation down there. Howard said the tunnel was really nice. He said it was air conditioned and everything. Howard said he even had a helicopter waiting for him to take him away.
Howard said he watched two episodes of Falling Skies last night. He also watched a show about transgender children. Robin had a story about TVs that keep track of what people are watching. Robin said that this assemblyman wants to be sure that the voice recognition in TVs can be disabled. Robin said she hopes that her TV isn't recording anything. Howard said he covers the camera on his Mac too. He said that he puts a wash cloth over it. He said sometimes he can't even see the porn. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to chime in on the 4 Marines who were killed. Howard said this is such a travesty. Howard said he knows at recruiting centers they don't want guys walking around with guns. Howard said common sense tells you that they are highly trained and they need to defend themselves. Howard said that one of the guys was a purple heart winner. Howard said the guy was in for 18 years. Howard said he could have taken this guy out. Howard said they should have an armed guard at least. Howard said this armed citizen had to protect the military. Howard said the Military has to be able to protect themselves.
Robin read about the shooting and how Rudy Giuliani is saying that flags should be lowered to half staff. Howard said he agrees. Robin had some of Giuliani talking about that and some other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Howard jerking off and saying he uses 3 tissues. Howard said he uses 5 actually. He said he can detail it if he wants. The caller said he would love that. Howard said he makes sure his load doesn't get on his hand or anything. He said that he grabs all 3 and wraps it around his penis like a diaper. He said he folds it and catches it all. Howard said he shimmies to the toilet and grabs 2 new tissues. He said those two tissues go in his underwear so there is no seepage. Howard said he has to protect his Tommy John underpants which hold it all in place. Howard said then it all dries up. Howard said if he could pee after he goes he'd do that to clear it all up. The caller said his load would blow right through 3 tissues. Howard said his load isn't as powerful as it used to be. The caller said he's 35. Howard said that load lightens up. Howard said it's crazy that it's such a gluey substance. Howard said it's like a mould when he takes the tissue off. Howard said when he was 35 he had to use paper towels. He said they didn't make them strong enough. Howard said he didn't care so much about the amount. He said it was just to get it over with.
Howard said if he's learned anything it's that don't let sex run your life. Howard said just jerk off 4 times a day if you have to. Howard said people try to get laid all day and you don't have to conduct your life like that. Howard said calm down and jerk off. The caller asked if he talks to Beth about that. Howard said he and Beth have great sex. He said there were times when she might be on the rag and he has to masturbate. He said she's fine with that. Howard said he takes care of business.
The caller asked if she ever cleans him up. Howard said she would if he asked her to but he doesn't bother her with that. Howard said he takes care of it. The caller said some women like the cum. Howard said none of them like it. Robin said he can't say that. Howard said he knows none of them do. Howard said when he was this caller's age he took down a wall with his load. The caller said he uses his for spackle. Howard told the caller if she likes cum then she was born a man.
Robin said that Caitlyn Jenner's mentor is this woman Candace Cane or something. Howard said this woman Toula who was on their show was hot. Howard said she gave him a boner. Howard said that's how attractive she was. Howard said he couldn't fuck someone who used to be a man though. Howard said he would have taken a hand job from her. Howard said he thinks that Candace may have been on their show. Howard had Gary check. Gary said he has two people going through it and he hasn't found anything yet. Howard talked to Fred as if he were Caitlyn for a short time.
Robin said that Caitlyn has a mentor as she goes through this transition. Howard said he never has anyone ask him to be their mentor in radio. Howard said that someone talked about how awful Howard was when he talked to him as a kid. That was Judd Apatow. Howard said he doesn't want to do interviews with kids.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said he saw Judd Apatow on the Today show and he mentioned that he heard her on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that story has been told many times. Tommy said he did say it on the Today show though. He said Judd is a good guy and tells the truth. Howard said it's great to know that something like that led to a great collaboration.
Tommy said that Norm MacDonald tweets about nothing but golf lately. Howard said he doesn't follow him but he's heard he tweets funny stuff.
Tommy asked Robin if she's a fascist about the whole Confederate flag thing. Howard said it's not fascist. Robin said it doesn't belong on a state house. Tommy said he agrees with her on that. Howard let Tommy go and did a live commercial read.
Robin said she went to see a baseball game at Camden Yard in Baltimore. Robin said it was great. Howard said that she was all fired up about that on the phone. Robin said she saw it with Eddie Murray. Howard said he thought she meant Eddie Murphy. Robin said he wouldn't be in Baltimore. Howard said he doesn't know why he'd be there. Robin said she had her brothers with her and they got to see some of the players they saw as kids. Robin said it was a great day. Howard said it sounds like a nightmare to him.
Robin said that Amy Schumer is getting some push back about some pictures she took with some Star Wars characters. Robin said she dressed as Princess Leia and some people got upset with what she did. Robin said that Disney and Lucasfilm didn't authorize the characters used. Robin said Mark Hamill says he got excited over the photos.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump saying that John McCain isn't a war hero to him. Robin said that people are upset with him saying that. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how he likes people who weren't captured. Howard wondered why Trump isn't coming on their show to make these statements. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham and Scott Walker talking about Trump as well. Howard said he wants Trump to come in and evaluate women. Robin said she doesn't think that will happen right now.
Robin read a story about a professional surfer who fought off a shark at an event. Robin said his name is Mick Fanning and he was visibly shaken after the attack. Robin had some audio of Fanning talking about the shark attack and how he fought it off. Fanning said he'd be good not ever competing again after surviving that. Howard said that might be the most dangerous sport. He said there's a potential shark attack waiting for you.
Howard asked when Sharknado 3 is coming out. Benjy said that it's coming out on Wednesday on SyFy. He said someone posted his scene on the web. Howard said they figured that he could have been thrown up by a shark. He said Ian survived a shark attack in one of the movies.
Robin said that the Prime Minister of the U.K. wants to help the United States fight ISIS. Robin had some details about that.
Robin said they have struck a deal with Iran to keep them from developing a nuclear weapon. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin read a story about how the Cuban embassy is opening in Washington DC for the first time in a very long time.
Robin read about how Greek banks are opening this week. Robin said that they had to shut down until a bail out was found.
Robin read a story about the anniversary of the shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Robin said that today they'll start the penalty phase for the shooter. Robin said he was convicted last week.
Robin read a story about the appeal for Deflate Gate happening this week. Robin said that they will have that for Tom Brady's 4 game ban. Robin said the deflate gate ball sold for $44,000. Howard said he's always amazed by stuff like that. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that Jon asked Rahsaan about the poll question for today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What should the newly skinny Benjy do with his hair?'' and the choices are:
Jon said that Benjy has lost a lot of weight. He said he is shrinking away. He votes for him shaving it all off. Rahsaan said he does too. Jake said Bobo isn't allowed on the show right now so maybe he can give him his hair piece. He said he'd love to see Benjy in Bobo's hair. Jon said maybe he can get a second one since Bobo probably won't give his up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't hear a lot of the show but they have that Baba Booey thing in the golf video game. He wondered if Gary gets paid for that. Jon said they'll have to ask Gary when he comes in. Jon said that this has crossed over an entire new threshold. Jake said he wants people to return to just doing the Baba Booey thing. He said there's something great about it happening at a golf tournament. Jon said that he thinks it's awesome that the PGA didn't put a stop to it. Jake said something exciting is happening during golf. That's why. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Paul is going to be one of the Avengers now. Jon said that he liked the story about the advice his manager gave him early on in his career. Jon said that his manager told him to go with Halloween 6 and not Clueless. Jon said thankfully he did both. He said it must happen so often in the business. jake said you have to go with your gut. He said you have to do something that Amy Heckerling is doing. He said you find a way to make both work. Jon said Richard Christy says that Halloween 6 is unfairly rated the worst.
Jon said Paul had Clueless come out first and then Halloween 6 came out. Gary came in and said that Paul says he saw something in that movie. He said that Halloween was a big franchise so it's a tough decision. He said he'd give the guy a break.
Jon said Paul talked about being a DJ for a while and how he was Donnie the Dweeb. Gary said they found a video of him online wearing shorts and a yellow Tux. He said he was wearing Doc Martins and Paul told him he was trying to be the anti-DJ.
Jon said that Paul was also on Friends for the last two seasons. Gary said he came across as a really regular guy. He said that he also seemed humble. He said that Paul said he was just there trying not to fuck up that show. Jon said he thinks it's rare when that happens. He said that you're still a main guy but you let the real spotlight to go someone else. Gary said he didn't know that he wrote Role Models.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was interested to see if Howard is going to let Bobo on earlier than planned. Gary said he had an experience out in Los Angeles. He said that he met a woman who worked for a promoter and she gave him a free beer and thanked him for a Bobo Free Summer. He said he laughed so hard.
Jon said that the good behavior thing could get him a shorter sentence but he's not sure people want it to be shorter. Jake said he thought it was funny that he still thinks General Hospital would be interested in him. Gary said someone from General Hospital was talking to him. He said that he gets what Jake is saying though.
Jon said getting back to Paul Rudd he wants to talk about Ant-Man. He said Howard tried to get the rights to it years ago. Jon said Howard likes these super hero movies coming out and doing so well. Gary said when he was growing up he wasn't a big comic book fan. He said that in the last 15 years there has to be 2 or 3 super hero movies and some of them are amazing. Jon said he thinks that Iron Man really turned things around. Jake said that the Suicide Squad thing looks really serious. He said there have always been darker stories and they are taking them really seriously. He said they're dark stories so do them the right way. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Howard declared that Howard won't eat breakfast at his console anymore. He said it's because of Gary. Gary said that he has gotten Howard to move his breakfast. He said he's like a new Super Hero. He said he can be Throat Man. Gary said he's not sure how much he does it but he knows Jon and the other guys do the same thing. Gary said he has an affliction that he can not help.
Jake asked if he lives in fear of Howard laser focusing on things. Gary said he does. He said he worries about people reporting on him on vacation. He said he went to Vermont once and he was at this water park and he came back and someone had taken a picture of him up there. He said he can't even go on vacation. Jon said that's the wages of working on the Howard Stern Show.
Jon said that Howard was fascinated with Richard Christy's love of the Dukes of Hazard. Gary said he thinks Richard loves every bad TV show. Jon said that he had pictures with the characters from the show. Gary said Richard has a lot of people from TV shows. He said he can't say that it's his favorite show of all time. He said that Richard likes a lot of shows. Gary said Richard used to collect porn on his hard drives. He said he had so many favorites there too. Jake said he does the same thing. He said he thinks so many things are the best. He said he'd rather like stuff than not like stuff. He said the most fascinating thing is that caller who thought Howard was going to say anything other than he's an idiot for thinking about buying a General Lee replica.
Gary said after Princess Diana died they were selling her dresses. He said one woman took a mortgage out to buy the dress. He said he wonders if that dress has gone up or down in value. Jon said that's a good question.
Jon and Gary said they email back and forth about silly things that are auctioned off for ridiculous amounts of money. Jake said if you did buy that stuff you just don't tell Howard about it.
Gary said that if he sold all of his cartoon art he'd probably make money because he didn't buy them all. He said he didn't invest in them like stock. Jake said it's good he told Howard about them or they wouldn't have Baba Booey. Gary said that all of that stuff is in his attic now and it's all stacked up. He said he used to make fun of his mother for saving stuff that she was never going to use. He said he's never going to hang up his cartoon art again.
Jon said that they also had that clip of the news anchors talking about Howard making 95 million. Gary said they are paying Howard a lot of money for a good reason. He said that guy thinks there is no good reason.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll today. Rahsaan said there is a tie for second with keep wearing the baseball cap and get hair transplants with 21 percent each. He said first place was Shave it all off with 58 percent of the votes. Jon got in some plugs and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has to lose 5 pounds but he doesn't want to. Robin asked if he gained weight. Howard said he did. He said he bought a bunch of John Varvatos stuff for America's Got Talent and now it doesn't fit. Howard said it was all tailored and he was at his lightest. He said he stopped running because of some issues he was having. Howard said he put on about 9 pounds. He said it's enough so he can't button his pants. Robin said that is a different size. Howard said he's more comfortable at this weight but he has to do it. Howard said he doesn't like other exercise. Robin asked if he can do a stair climber or something. Howard said no. He said he has this problem to deal with. He said he spent a fortune on the clothes. He said the live shows come up in August. Robin said he had better get to work.
Howard said he is leaving the show but he still feels like he has to look nice. Howard said he doesn't eat anything so he can't cut calories. He said he had a yogurt in the morning. He said it's called Siggies. He said he had some blueberries with that. He said he had an egg wrap for lunch. He said that's just a pita with eggs and broccoli and tomatoes. He said then he doesn't eat until dinner. That's eggplant Parmesan with vegetables. Howard said that's the general idea for his meals. Howard said there's no room for cutting.
Howard said he and Beth went for a walk. He said that he told her that he has ''Pulkes'' and Beth didn't know what that is. He said he pointed out the pieces of fat hanging off a guy with his shirt off and said that's what it is.
Howard said he had a grilled cheese sandwich the other day. He said it was so good. He said when you don't eat the food is so good. He said he still makes massive doodies though. He said he loves that. He said he read that doody is more important than cumming when you get older. Howard said he's not sure when that occurred. Howard said he talks during it and he might be reverting to a little kid. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard said he's so gross. He said it's disgusting. Howard said he doesn't know why he does that.
Howard said the other thing is the number of homeless people on the street. He said that the cops used to keep the homeless people moving. Howard said now there is a problem with Squeegee guys and homeless too. Howard said that Giuliani and Bloomberg cleaned up the mess and now they're coming back. Howard said he's not sure where they all went.
Sal came in and said he agrees with Howard. He said that DeBlasio backed up the sewers. He said that he sees able bodied people on the street with animals and they're exploiting them. Howard said he has seen that too. Howard said Beth pointed out one woman who has cats with her and they're not cared for. Howard said Beth went up and said she wanted to buy her cat from her. The woman said no. Howard said the next day Beth asked if she could pay and the woman denied her again. Howard said the woman is ill. Howard said this is a big problem. He said that there are mentally ill people out there. Howard said that Bloomberg and Giuliani were able to figure out what to do with these people. He said the problem wasn't so abundant as it is now. Howard said that Bloomberg cleaned up Times Square and things are getting bad again. Sal said things really are getting back to scary times there in Times Square.
Sal said that he saw one guy who has a dog out with him and he keeps the dog looking malnourished just so people give him donations. Sal said he posts pictures and posts them on Facebook. He said that you see more and more garbage on the streets. Sal said things are out of control. Howard told Sal to put chocolate on his balls and let Richard lick it off. Sal was still going off on these people on the street. Howard said Sal is on fire. Sal said this shithead on the street says it's his 27th birthday and it's been there for 2 months. Howard told him to calm down and get out of there.
Howard said if Sal didn't have this show he'd be homeless too. Fred played Sal yelling that his cock is gone. Robin said the homeless people used to ask you for things but now you have to read their signs. Robin said that they claim to be a vet and that can be a scam.
Howard said the rumor about Sal is that he had to share his hotel room with his 3 kids on vacation and he had no sex. Gary said Sal's whole sex life was jerking off in the shower a few times. Robin said there's no reason to leave home in that case.
Howard said he read that Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert got divorced. Howard said he must have had an avalanche of pussy when he got on the The Voice. Robin said that marriages just don't last in Hollywood.
Robin said that Jake Gyllenhaal is wearing a beard in a picture she saw. She said he had better not have that tomorrow when he comes in. Howard said he's going to ask him to please marry Robin tomorrow. Howard said that's her birthday gift. Howard asked what she's wearing tomorrow. Robin said she has to go shopping today so she has something nice for tomorrow. Howard said she has to be almost naked.
Howard said Robin was so triumphant on her vacation. Howard said she sat with Eddie Murray at a baseball game. Howard said that he was so taken with her that he called and left a message. Howard played the clip of a mumbling guy talking about her big tits and how he'd like to slide into her home plate which is her butt hole. Robin said that's disgusting.
Howard played a song parody about Robin by Little Mikey. Howard said Mikey likes Robin so much. Howard said he's available if Jake isn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he spoke to him about a year and a half ago about DeBlasio. He said he has an easy solution for him. He told him to run for mayor next election. Howard said he doesn't want to be mayor. Howard said if he were mayor though he would call Bloomberg and ask how he solved the homeless situation. Howard said he thinks that they'd want to help and they would tell him what to do. Robin asked if they would really help. Howard said he doesn't know but if there is a secret they have to pass it on.
The caller said he thinks it has to do with the cops. He said he thinks that DeBlasio isn't pushing them to get rid of the homeless. Robin said they need to have a city that feels safe so the tourists come. Howard said he would start the stop and frisk again. He said he knows people want a perfect world though. Howard said he may have to run for mayor.
Robin said that Donald Trump is doing well in the polls. Howard said that Kyle Dunnigan does a great Trump. He played a clip of his impression of Trump talking about what he'd do to the White House if he got in there. He talked about knocking it down. He commented on John McCain and things like that as well.
Howard said that's a good impression. Robin said it is. Howard said he loves that guy Kyle Dunnigan. He said that's his boy. Howard said he loves that.
Howard said he loves impressions. He said he has a good Stephen Hawking impression. Howard said this is Stephen Hawking calling into a radio show. Howard played the prank call where they had him talking to a religious radio show and accepting Jesus as his savior. Then he feels like he's possessed and says he's satan and Jesus sucks.
Howard asked how cool that is. He said Satan got in there and starts speaking in tongues. Howard said they had a great Trump impression and then a great Stephen Hawking impression.
Howard said Trump is doing every show but theirs. Howard said that he's on everything. Howard said he should be in there. Howard said he's going to be President.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk wants to be an actor and they're producing something for him. He said Jeff wants to play a cop so they wrote Drunky and the Lump. Howard said he plays a Clint Eastwood kind of guy. Howard said they have the promo to play. Howard played the clip of Jeff playing the cop and The Lump as his partner.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin laughed. Howard said that's his favorite thing. He said he should take a break. He said he has so much to do. He said he has Jason Ellis coming in. He said he's always an interesting guy. Howard said he has to talk to him about his feud with Dice Clay. Howard said he thinks that Jason and his dad used to blow each other or something. Howard said he has to play the Dice thing later. He said he is an interesting dude.
Howard said his dad never made him blow him. He said maybe that would have been a good bonding thing. Howard said he can't think of anything more disgusting than that. Howard said he thinks his mother feels the same way. Howard did his impression of his dad telling him to blow him and calling him a moron for not knowing how to do it. He had him telling him to just swallow his load and using his teeth.
Howard said he's going to throw up. Robin said his parents weren't that bad. Howard said not as bad as that Jason Ellis story. He said that's pretty heavy. Gary said Jason is there. Howard said he has to talk to him. He said he has to take a break though. He said he can't wait to talk to him.
Howard said he thinks Jason wrote about that in his book. Howard said he has to correct him if he's wrong. Howard did more of his impression of his dad talking to him about blowing him. Howard said the only thing he did intimately with his dad was squeeze his blackheads. Howard said his dad had a boil on his back and the doctor told him he had to get rid of those things. Howard said his dad didn't think he was good at anything. He said hew as good at that. He said all of a sudden his mom wouldn't do it so he thought he could do it. Howard said he squeezed them out and he was good at it. He said his dad was very grateful about that. Howard said if Robin needs any work done on her back he can do it. Howard was gagging a couple of times when he was talking about it. Howard said that he as happy that he could help his old man.
Howard said he had a paper clip technique where he pressed down with that and got out all of the crap. Howard said he's going to vomit thinking about that. Howard said he'd never have his kids do that to him. He doesn't have any blackheads though. Howard said his dad was very grateful in those moments so it was a good thing. He said that it was like 15 minutes of a glow from his dad. He doesn't think he ever said thank you but maybe. He doubts it though.
Howard said Jason Ellis just threw up hearing that. Howard said he's better off blowing him. Howard said he has to get Jason in there. Howard said he had a feud with Dice. Howard said Jason didn't like Dice's son's band and he told him. Howard said it was pretty harsh. Howard said so many people wrote notes about The History of Howard Stern and it's all available On Demand if you missed it. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that is the best Elton John song he ever wrote. Howard said Crazy Alice is mad at them again. Howard said she's mad at the Bobo thing. Howard said she thinks they were too harsh with Bobo. Robin asked if she agrees he was wrong. Howard played a clip of Alice talking about how wrong they were doing to him what they did. She said he did fuck up but they were wrong. She said that they should kiss her ass and fuck yourself. Howard said that Alice is missing the point. He said that she didn't use the show to get on the set of General Hospital like Bobo was doing. Robin said she wanted a lighter punishment for Bobo but she was overruled.
Howard played a song parody about Bobo that they just got. Howard said the song parodies are still rolling in about him. Robin said Ralph isn't doing too much to police Bobo. Howard said that's the way he does things. Howard said he was all psyched up to do it but now he's not doing anything. Howard played another song parody about Bobo not being on the show this summer.
Howard said Jason Ellis is there. Howard said he had to see how he looks. Robin said he has a head tattoo. Howard said Jason was upset that he didn't have hair so he tattooed his head to look like hair. Jason said he was kind of handsome at one point in his life. Then he went bald. Howard said he had a good look with the bald head. Jason said he has a tit nipple on the back of his head. He said every bald guy's head looks like a penis. Howard asked if the tattoo hurt. Jason said it was the most painful by far. Jason told Robin she looks great. He said he likes her hair.
Howard said that Robin is going to marry Jake Gyllenhaal tomorrow. Howard said that guy got in some shape for that movie Southpaw. Jason said he'd do him too so he can't blame Robin.
Howard said the tattoo does look like hair. Robin said come one. Howard said it looks like a close cut hair cut. Robin said it looks like something is wrong. Howard said Jason is a good looking guy and he looked good with the head shaved. Howard said he was thinking about him tattooing his body. Howard said he has been through so much. Howard said he forgot that he and his dad blew each other. Howard said they were in a meeting the other day talking about that. Howard said Jason wins in that case. Howard said he can't believe he forgot that. Jason said he didn't know until he went into therapy. Howard said they put him on Ecstasy to get that out of him. Jason said that was like a year ago that it came out. Jason said he already knew but he went to this MDMA therapy. He said he was trying to move past it. Jason said he wanted to find out for sure if it was him. He said that's the worst part. He said he looks up to him. He said it's the most confusing existence on the planet.
Howard asked if the craziness comes from that. Jason said he remembered even worse stuff. He said he remembered that he'd be under his bed and he'd hold himself off the ground. He said his dad would come in with a heat lamp and he'd do things that he doesn't want to talk about. Howard said he doesn't understand what he did with the lamp. Robin said that's how he came into the room to light his way. Jason said that he thought it was one time but it wasn't. He said he remembers asking him not to do it. He said he can just remember that lamp coming into the room. He said he'd leave once he realized what he was doing. Jason said he can forgive him for that. He said he's not sure how or why but he is. Jason said he doesn't think anyone did anything to stop it.
Howard asked if he thinks his parents knew what they were doing. Jason said he doesn't think his step mother knew what he was doing.
Howard said Jason has covered his body with tattoos. He said he thinks this is his way of taking back control of his body. Jason said sure. Howard said this is his way of doing whatever he wants with his body. Jason said he does a lot of stuff so he doesn't look like his father and things like that. He said he has turned things around in the last couple of years. He said he's not as angry as he was. Howard said Jason is angry. Jason said Howard is too. Howard said Jason fights though.
Howard said Jason does these Ellis Mania things. Howard said his world is very dark. Howard said he thought Jason was saying that he's sick of everything and life is tough. Jason said it is but it's worth living. He said his kids are great and his girlfriend is great. He said he has a great life. Howard said he goes in and fights 10 MMA fighters. Jason said he does. Howard asked if he wins. Jason said he lost almost every round. He gives each guy a minute. He said the UFC guys could have killed him but they just beat him up for the show. Jason said he did well considering he's a radio host. He said he's a skate boarder. He said Howard isn't into that stuff but he lives for that. Jason said he is very scared of death. Howard said he doesn't get that impression. Jason said he had surgery on his heart. He said that he had to go in and burn part of his heart so it wouldn't go into Afib anymore.
Howard said he thought this was particularly good radio with him and Dice. Howard said that this was real and not put on. Jason said he didn't mean it. He said Dice came on and he thought that was cool. He said that Dice wanted him to play his son's band and he thought that was cool too. He said he was okay with it. Jason said Dice came in and did the interview and he did one joke that they hadn't heard before. He said he didn't want to say anything rude to Dice. Then he said that his kids were going to come in and he was going to interview them. Jason said no. He said they played the song and the song was something he'd laugh at if they played it on an Unsigned Band segment. He said that he just said they weren't ready yet and Dice got upset.
Howard had a clip from Jason's show which airs on Faction (41) on SiriusXM. Howard played the clip where Dice and Jason were talking about the band and Jason said he was just giving his opinion on the band. Dice said that he's picking on his kids and that's not a good thing to do. He said he just made another enemy there. Howard said Dice really went off on him and Jason didn't talk over him or anything. Dice walked off the show after that. Howard played more of the clip of Dice going off on Jason and telling him that he'll never be like Opie and Anthony or Howard Stern.
Howard said that Jason was talking about how sick he was of the drama and he thought that he was talking about this life. Jason said he's really not. Howard said Jason got married and got divorced a couple of times. He has a couple of kids. Howard said that he got divorced the second time because here was no sex. Howard said this sounds kind of dark now because he has this open relationship and the girl is fucking around with chicks and he's fucking around with other chicks. Howard said it seems kind of seedy. Jason said it is. He said at the start they were more aggressive toward each other. He said they both have issues. Jason said that his girlfriend was kind of neglected and she has issues. He said he has issues too and no one he's met is like him. He said she's not. Howard said that's the most important thing. Jason said he's never been happier. He said he feels really good about everything. He said he's a little fat but other than that he's golden.
Jason said he's going to get laid this week and so his is girlfriend. He has something lined up there in New York. Jason said the girlfriend knows about that. He said he lined her up with a guy. Howard asked if he loves her. Jason said he loves her more than anything other than his kids. Jason said he gets to fuck chicks and she gets a guy. Howard said that this is a woman he loves. Jason said he knows the guy. Howard asked if it's someone she's into. Jason said no one comes close to Katie and no one comes close to him. Howard asked if he has checked this guy's cock out. Jason said he has. He said this is a guy he knows. He said the guy is hot. Howard asked if Jason has had sex with the guy. Jason said he's been around him. He said that he fucked Katie with the dude there. Jason said he doesn't get jealous. Jason said she's his and he doesn't worry. Jason said most girls mind fuck each other. He said that this is all he's got. Howard asked if he would let him fuck his girlfriend. Jason said fuck yeah. He said he knows Howard is clean.
Jason said that he got some things from some other guys banging her. He said he got Chlamydia and some things like that from people claiming that they were clean when they weren't. He said he thinks he gave it to her.
Howard said this is an incredible lifestyle to him. Jason said it's great. He said that it's kind of dark though. Howard said it seems sad in a way. Howard said he wouldn't want anyone touching Beth. Jason said that he thinks that's the lamest shit ever. He said it's weird to him. He said Howard isn't living his life. He said that if that's him then fine. Howard said that Jason has had a lot of downs in his life and it would be nice to have a girl there for him with no one else involved. Jason said he's 43 and he knows who he is. He said he's very sexual. He said that he wants new tail. He said that he's into that. He said that he thinks that she sleeps with guys the way he sleeps with people. Jason said that you just want to cum and get out of there.
Howard asked Jason about what he'd do if he met a really nice person. Jason said Katie is that person. He said she loves everything about him. He said she's covered in tattoos and everything about her is perfect. He said they're perfect together. He said they fuck like Batman and Robin.
Howard said he has Dice on the phone. Howard took the call from the guys in the back who had clips of Dice talking to a big bald fuck. Jason said that guy is funny. He said he stood up over him and he looked threatening. He said he's not going to punch the guy unless he punches him. Howard asked if they almost stepped out to handle things. Jason said there was a point when he was ready to stand up and punch him in the face. Jason said he was trying to diffuse things. Jason said he can fight so he would punch him and put him to sleep.
Howard said he has to make a point about Jason. Howard gave him some plugs for his show and for Ellis Mania. Howard said Jason has done therapy and he thought about doing Ayahuasca but he thought it was a bad idea. Howard said Robin has done it. Jason said she's soul searching. Jason said she's very anti-man. Robin told him to stop it. Howard asked why he didn't do it. Jason said his friend did it and he did it more and more. Jason said his little brother died and he wanted to find out if he was okay. He said that his friend was doing it more and more and he had a bad trip. He said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he doesn't want Robin doing it again either. Jason said Robin has probably done it a couple of times. Robin said she'll never do it again. She did it 3 times and that's it. She said she'll never do it again.
Howard said a listener wrote in and said that he should let Dice have sex with his girlfriend. Jason said that he's kind of gross. He said he's not sure he'd do that. Jason said he's a fat, ugly bastard. Howard said Jason is promoting Ellis Mania which is coming up at the Hard Rock Hotel on October 9th and 10th. He said you can find out more at OfficialJasonEllis.com.
Howard asked Jason about this Teen Wolf kid who will be fighting there. Howard said he has seen some of this Ellis Mania in the past and it's wild. Jason said the only person who can die there is him. He said that he's the one who takes on the crazy stuff.
Jason said that Howard should try Jiu Jitsu. Howard said he tried Karate but he pulled things. Jason said that's 1980s bullshit. Jason asked if Howard likes him. Howard said of course he does. Howard said he wouldn't have him on if he didn't. Howard said Jason thinks that he doesn't like him but he does.
Howard asked Jason about his 24 year old brother dying. Jason said he rolled a tractor off a cliff. Howard said now he's mad at his other brother. Jason said it's Howard's fault. He said that Australia doesn't listen to his how but they listen to the Howard Stern Show. He said he went home and his step mother didn't believe what he was saying about his father. He said that his brother did some things and then confronted him about what he said about his father. He said his brother thought he made it up to get his wife back. He said his brother is a half brother and his mother knows the molestation thing is real. Jason said that he's not sure why you don't tell him that. Jason said he wouldn't do that to become more famous. Jason said that he left that night and they had some text messages and that was it. He said he took his kids and went home. He said at the end of the day their kids are going to talk about how great their granddad is but that's not what his kids should hear.
Jason said his kids are doing well here in the States and they have no issues. He said that their mother is great. He said that he's not a neglective father. He said that it's all about his kids, his radio show and his girlfriend.
Howard said Jason is worth like $8 million. Jason asked how much Howard is worth. Howard said he's interviewing him now. Jason said he thinks he might be rich but he's not sure how much he has. Howard asked how long he's there. Jason said he's there until Thursday morning. Howard asked if he's fucking guys. Jason said he does sometimes. He said that his girlfriend will pound him out in the ass. He doesn't do that with guys. Jason said that he has had multiple orgasms doing that ass thing.
Howard asked Jason if Katie fucks him hard. Jason said she bangs it out. Howard said he thinks that chicks get turned off by that. Jason said not her. He said it grosses out 80 percent of the people but that's what they do. He said he's bi-sexual. Howard said he never realized that. Robin asked if he could live with a man. Jason said no. He said that he has to tell himself not to turn when a girl walks by. He doesn't do that with guys.
Howard asked if he saw a handsome dude walking by and he got in bed with a guy after drinking. Is he more like a twink or what. Jason said he thinks they have to be fit. He said he doesn't like young people that much. He said that he'd prefer not fat and gross. He said it's the same as women. Howard asked if he'd fuck them in the ass. Jason said no one is fucking him. He said he just takes Katie. Howard said that she may fuck him in the ass. Jason said it depends. Howard asked if he's fucking nightly. Jason said he is. He said when the kids aren't around they just go for it. He said they're just good at it. Howard said he has to see what she looks like. Jason said she's @UnderwearWolf on Instagram. He said that she has a thing for wolves. Howard asked if he ever fucks his guests. Jason said he fucks his guests. He said he fucked Chyna. He said he has fucked porn stars too. He said he likes big girls. Howard asked if he ever fucked Scott Greenstein. Jason said he'd like to so he'd have something to bribe over.
Jason asked Robin if he has a chance now. Robin said no! Jason asked Fred if he'd shake his hand on the way out. Fred said of course he would. Howard said he wonders what the hell is going on at his house. Jason said he has sex swings in his house. He said sometimes they get guys to come over and they'll have someone blow him with Katie watching hidden in a dog cage. He said she watches the whole thing. Jason said then he fucks her when they leave. Howard said ''good lord...''
Howard said last night he got in bed and watched The Bachelor Tells All. He said that's how wild he gets. Jason asked if he has famous friends. Howard said he has some. Jason said he started becoming friends with famous people but then he felt that he can't talk about other famous people truthfully. Howard said he felt that he wanted to be in show business. He said he wants to talk to people in the business. Howard said he and Louis C.K. have become good friends. Howard said he is a famous guy. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is a real guy too. Howard said that there are a few famous people who are very sincere and they have an interesting perspective on the business. Howard said he likes to hear their experiences. Howard said he opened his mind. Howard said he and Jason could be friends. Jason said Howard never talks to him. Howard said no photos today. He said he's done with that.
Howard gave Jason some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. Howard told him to be safe out there. Jason asked Robin if she'd like to go out. Robin said she doesn't want to be one of his Ding Dongs like he was calling his conquests earlier. Jason said he wouldn't call her that. He said he'd tell Katie that he just ate Robin's ass for an hour. They went to break after that.
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Howard said they have to get back to some stuff he has to play. Howard said that Jason sure is up to some stuff. Howard said he left them breathless. Howard said he has that radio show going and the skate boarding thing. Howard said he has to work at some point.
Howard had a new phony phone call. He said this is what happens if you get stuck in a piano. Howard said they had Carol Leifer make this call. He said she told a guy she was stuck in a piano and she was afraid of getting stuck with the keys. Howard played the call and they called a music store. Carol was crying and said that she's stuck and she's afraid that the keys are going to hit her in the face. Then they start playing and Carol says Oww along with the song.
Howard said that is a real guy and you'd think that he'd hang up immediately. Robin said that she had a phone and she called but didn't call to get out of there. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said he thought it was faked but it's a real guy. Howard said the original premise was that she was a cleaning lady who fell in and got stuck. Howard said this guy bought right into it. Howard said Carol did a great job with that.
Howard said Matt Jacobs did a bit where he plays Riley Martin selling a new product. Howard said this is what the next product would be. Howard played the clip and Matt was doing his Riley and Eron impressions talking about the ''Shit Mug'' which is a mug you can shit in. Howard said he's amazed by his Eron impression. He said he does both voices there.
Howard said he hasn't done the top 5 in a long time. He said that number 5 is Silento, number 4 is Taylor Swift, number 3 is Wiz Khalifa with Charlie Puth and number 2 is The Weeknd. Number 1 is OMI. Howard had phony Arnold singing a couple of the songs. He had fake El Chappo singing another.
Howard said the music has gone officially stupid. Robin said that's the most popular song and it's showing up everywhere.
Howard played more of Underdog Lady talking about the entries in the contest and how the other two were children. She said there was a Superman and a Wonder woman. She said the girl looked to be about 9 or 10 and the boy was maybe 12. She said that they just showed up and didn't do an act. She said she read a script. She said all three of them got honorable mention prizes. Howard asked what her deal is. She talked about bringing her stuffed cat there to wave its paw.
Shuli said she has 9 taxidermied cats in her house. He said they're not even her cats. Howard said they should say that she's 7 years old but she has that disease that makes her look old.
Howard played another clip of Underdog meowing like a cat. Shuli had her doing the meows in different ways like an angry cat and things like that.
Howard asked Shuli if he flirts with her. Shuli said there's another clip there. Howard said he has one of her talking about gay marriage. Underdog said that God did not intend for humans to have same sex coupling. She said that it's mixed coupling. She said we should stick to male/female coupling.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Underdog about her longest relationships. She said that her longest is with Underdog. She said it's been 49 years. She said that's been going on almost 50 years. Howard said he has to hear more of that. Shuli asked Underdog about going to a singles club. Underdog said that she is seeing a guy but they stay plutonic. She said they do kiss goodbye but that's as far as it goes. Shuli asked if she has ever kissed a man on the lips. Underdog said no. She said that she's never gone all the way with a man. She said that she thinks that kissing on the lips is very slimy. Robin asked what in the world they did to her. Howard said whatever they did worked. Howard said she's staying away from dudes.
Howard played another clip where Shuli was flirting with Underdog. Howard said he's very creepy when he flirts. Shuli agreed. Underdog said that Shuli's boss is very corrupt. Shuli asked what she thinks about when she thinks about him. She said that she likes talking about the things they talk about like the Magna Carta which they talked about a couple of weeks ago. Shuli told her that his wife and kids are out of town for the next couple of weeks. Underdog asked how the new baby is. Howard said she's great. He said she didn't fall for his shit.
Howard said Shuli's sexy voice is really creepy. He did an impression of it. He said that he kind of respects her for not falling for the flirting. Howard said that's a good lesson for all women. Howard said that they should all try not falling for that.
Howard thanked Shuli for the interview. Shuli said there was a big holiday for Julius Caesar last weekend. Shuli said that she makes a lot of food for people but she hasn't had visitors in 6 years. He said she just powers it all down herself. They went to break after that.
Howard said he wanted to mention something else. He said Kendall Jenner has a tight body. Howard said the NY Daily News is full of hot chicks on the Confidential page. Howard said there's a story about some sex scandal and the picture of Kendall Jenner and other hot chicks. Howard said it's all models. He said they have a picture of Rita Ora and he has no idea who that is but she's hot. Howard said the Post has hot chicks on Page 2. Howard said they don't have naked girls like they do over in England. Howard said they stopped doing that.
Howard took a call from a woman, Sam, who said that she has a relationship kind of like Jason Ellis does. She said that if you keep it open it's almost more fulfilling. She said she's not up to the stuff that he's up to but she is doing other stuff. She said she has done those things and she thinks if you have a strong foundation then it can work. Robin asked if the guy goes out with girls. She said she's not in that kind of relationship right now but in the past she was and he did that. Howard asked if she has done ass fucking like Jason has done. She said she's done stuff like that. Howard asked what kind of weird stuff she's done. She said she's used toys. She said she's not into peeing on people or anything. She said she has eaten a guy's ass but only after a shower or something. She said you can't do it after eating a burrito.
Howard asked the woman if she is hot. She said she is good looking. She said she's 37 but she's told she looks younger. Howard said he's dying to see a photo. She said she sent one to be on one of the hottest chick, biggest fan contest. She said JD wasn't into her. Howard asked what's wrong with him. JD said he doesn't judge. Sam said that JD was picking chicks that he met on Instagram or something. JD told her to hold on. He said he wasn't picking anyone. It just turned out he had met the girls by coincidence. Howard said he's not letting JD do that anymore. JD asked them to leave him alone.
Howard asked how big Sam's boobs were. She said they're 32-JD and they're real. She said she's about 131 pounds but that's muscle. She said she's 5'5'' tall. Howard said that sounds heavy. JD said he would have let her through based on this. Robin told her to send a picture. Sam said she's not overweight. She said she's got body fat of 9 percent. Howard said they only allow 6 percent. Howard said maybe she's overly muscular. She said she's not. She said she carries her weight very well. Howard said JD's body fat is like 90 percent.
Howard asked Sam where she picks up people. She said she's in New York and New Jersey so she finds them in both places. Howard asked who she did last. She said she has a friend and a co-worker. She said she's her go to girl. She said that she knows a handful of girls who will spice things up with her and a date. She said she has two daughters so the sex doesn't mean anything.
Howard asked Sam about calling up her friend to come over and do things with the boyfriend. She said that she doesn't like being in a relationship right now. She said they're not boyfriend and girlfriend. She said they do still see each other. Howard said then it's not broken up. Howard asked about the friend showing up. She said that she calls and she shows up. Howard asked if they just take their clothes off. She said they have to warm it up first. She said that they have some wine and talk. Howard asked if she shows up in a sexy outfit. Sam said she will sometimes. Howard asked why they don't just get it on right away. Sam said they have to build it up. She gave Howard more details about how they warm up. Howard heard that the lights were on and he said that's not his scene. Howard said he needs the lights out.
Howard asked what happens when the clothes come off. She said that they'll do things to the guy and one will sit on his face or blow him. She said she'll go down on the girl and the girl will go down on her too. She said she doesn't think Jason is crazy for doing what he does.
Howard said JD blew it with this chick. JD kept saying that he had nothing to do with it. Howard said he did. Howard said he has to have a meeting with her. Howard said this is how you screen. Howard said no McDonald's for a week for him. JD told her to send the picture. She said she'll send it now. She sent it and Howard told her he's going to be honest with her.
Howard said he just remembered he's on TV tonight on America's Got Talent. Howard said they have special guest Michael Buble on tonight. He said he was funny and not a douche bag. Howard said he thought he might be but he as a good guy. Howard said all of the guys are hovered around Jason's computer waiting for this picture to show up. She said she's working on it.
Howard asked what's taking so long. Gary told Howard they have it from the contest so he's bringing it in. Howard took a look at it and said she is pretty good looking. Howard said she's got some bod on her. Gary said she has a great body but she's cute too. Gary said it's not overly muscular like Nicole Bass. Howard said she's all oiled up in a bathing suit. Sam said that she has a picture on her phone that she can send too. Howard said she's only 5'5'' so she should grow. Howard said she's a definite 10 and she eats ass. Gary said she should have sent that when she sent her picture.
Howard asked JD how he could screw this up. JD came in and said that he had nothing to do with it. Howard said he did. JD said she's wrong about what she's saying. She said that she's assuming things. JD said he would have let her in the contest but he had nothing to do with it. Sam said when the show aired JD was on and he said that he had screened them. JD said he didn't though. Gary had the story. JD said Jason was the one who screened.
Sam said that she has a recent picture she just sent too. Howard asked JD how he visited his girlfriend's parents. Robin said those poor parents. Sam said that she sent that picture because she cut her hair.
Howard asked how much she can squat. She said her max is like 225. Howard said he only does 90. Gary said he thinks they got her photo. He said they're getting a lot now that they gave out Jason's email. Howard said she must get hit on a lot. Sam said she thinks guys are intimidated by her. She said she knows black guys love her. She said she isn't into that though.
Gary came in and showed Howard the picture. Sam said that was last week. Howard said they should have her come down and compete by herself. Howard said that she is hot. Sal came in and took a look at her picture.
Howard said that JD should come in and apologize. JD said it's not his fault. He said that he had nothing to do with it. Sal said his fat must have gotten on his glasses. Howard said she can come in as the hottest chick JD ignored. Howard let Sam go after that.
Howard asked Fred to play a Baba Booey song. Fred said he's not sure they need one. Howard said he might have one. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody for a few seconds.
Howard got back to the game and played the clip again. Fred guessed it was Midnight Express but he was wrong. Gary said he has clues. Howard said he's going to try one more time and then give up. Howard asked what it is. Gary said it's To Kill a Mockingbird. Howard said this is a shitty game.
Howard played another one and got Gone with the Wind right away. Then he played another one. It was 50 Shades of Grey and Howard got it. Howard played another clip which was Pirates of the Caribbean. Howard was on a role guessing them.
Howard played another one and Robin got it after a few plays. It was Brokeback Mountain. Howard played another one and they were having trouble guessing that one. Gary gave a hint but it didn't help. He said it was Revenge of the Nerds. Howard played one more. He guessed it was ''A Gargoyle Always'' but that wasn't a real movie. Howard guessed Gone Girl but that was wrong too. No one was able to get it. Gary said it was A Clockwork Orange.
Howard played another one which was Raging Bull and easy to get. The next one was harder. Fred said it sounds like Say it All Again. Howard said life shouldn't be this hard for someone. No one was getting it. Howard said they should get him up there to order his breakfast. Gary said it's Silence of the Lambs.
Howard played another couple which were Silence of the Lambs and Dude Where's My Car. They got them quickly. They also got Pulp Fiction and Halloween. Then they got stuck on another one. Robin got it with American Beauty.
Howard got one which was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Howard said he had to get one. He asked if they've heard enough. Howard played one more. Howard had to play that a couple of times. No one was getting that. Howard said they gave him 100 and these are the easiest. Howard said he's got to get this one. Gary said the key is to listen to the second word. Gary said it's Reservoir Dogs. Howard said he likes that Gary said concentrate on the second one. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he should play those clips. Howard said they sent this guy Keith Heisler over there. Howard played some of the interviews Keith did. Keith asked a guy what he was on. He said he was on Mescaline. When Keith asked him another question he took a few seconds to respond. Howard said one guy sounded like Tommy Chong. Howard played that one next. That guy said he's gone a year without showering. Howard asked how you can do that. He said that is nasty.
Howard said most of the people there were the way you'd expect. Howard played more interviews and one was with a woman who talked about having sex at a concert and peeing by the fence. One woman said that she went 3 weeks without showering. She said she didn't have power on her property to run the pump. Howard said he's not sure what that is. He doesn't understand that. He said he's not sure how he gets water but it gets there. He said he loves not knowing. He said it's just there and he's grateful for it.
Howard said that he has a guy who was on Ketamine. Howard played that one and the guy talked about how he's used Angel Dust. He said it makes the music more beautiful. He said he has crapped his pants more times than he can count. He had no idea who Taylor Swift was.
Howard said these guys are so high they don't know they shit their pants. Howard said you have to be high to like that music. He said he thinks that it's just people who are in a similar place who like it. Robin said it's all head music.
Howard played another interview where the guy was asked what 9x7 is. The guy tried doing the math but he had a problem getting to the right answer. Robin said the thing about the 9 times table is that every answer ads up to 9. Robin said she learned that in school. Benjy said there's another part. He said that you subtract 1 from the number and it adds up. Howard said he hates math. He wondered why he turns on Benjy's mic.
Howard played another clip of a guy at the Grateful Dead concert talking about the Illuminati and how they want to build a robot army.
Howard said he thinks Julianna Margulies got snubbed at the Emmys this year. Robin said that a lot of shows get snubbed. Robin said that happens a lot. Howard said he loves Julianna on The Good Wife. He said she's really good in it. Howard said it doesn't make sense that she won last year and wasn't even nominated this year.
Robin started her news with a story about Rachel Dolezal who is out of work and has no income. Robin said she has a book in the works though. Robin said that she says she never said she was African American. She said she was black and there are different definitions for that. Robin said she looked it up and they look the same to her. Howard said she did deceive people but she wants to be black. Robin asked what's wrong with that. Howard said he wants to be Chinese. They spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby and how they have dropped him from a documentary about black stunt men. Howard said he stopped the white men in black face stunt men thing from happening when he was on a show in the 60s. Robin said they are calling for his congressional medal of honor to be taken away from him now. Robin said they are wondering if this is going to splash over to Bill Clinton because some women have claimed that he forced them to have sex. Robin said that one woman said that he bit her lip to make her submit. Robin said there have been other allegations. Robin gave Howard some information on that. Howard said that whole Cosby thing was crazy after that deposition came out. Robin said Clinton has given some depositions too.
Howard said he read a story about how Bill O'Reilly had women all over him at some place out in Montauk. Robin said those poor women. Howard said it must be a power trip or something.
Robin read a story about how the search for intelligent life has gotten a boost of about $100 million. Robin said that a billionaire is putting the money up to search for Alien life. Howard said we're doing that already with NASA. Robin said this guy is putting up his own money. Howard said he's not sure why anyone wants to find alien life. Howard said we're killing everything on this planet. Robin said Stephen Hawking was there for the announcement. Howard played a clip of Hawking talking about that with that computer voice.
Robin read a story about the list of best hospitals in America. Robin said a hospital in Boston ranked first. Robin gave Howard the details of some of the other top hospitals around the country. None of them were in New York.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric. Eric said that he hasn't contacted Donnie Wahlberg all month. Howard said it's very hard to hear what he's saying with that voice and his phone connection. Eric was on an ear piece. Eric was banned from contacting Donnie for a month. Howard said he saw the video that Joey Boots made. He said Eric's leg got all swollen the other night and Eric wanted to call an ambulance. Howard said Joey told him to take a cab to save money for the taxpayers. Howard asked if he took the cab. Eric said he did. He said he was told he has edema in his legs. Howard said it was so gross. Robin said this is a very serious thing. Robin said it means that he has so much fat and he's so weak that his heart is no longer able to pump all of that stuff around. Howard said Joey told him he's going to lose his legs. Eric said they took x-rays and everything was normal. Robin said this is because he's too fat.
Shuli came in and said that Eric called him the other day and he went down to say hello. He said he was wearing shorts. He said it's the first time he's seen his legs. He said the leg looks like he's been trapped in the snow. He said it's blueish black. Howard said he's going to lose his legs. Eric said he's trying not to. He said he's trying to walk. He said he's thrown out his junk food. Shuli asked when he went to the Chinese buffet. Eric said it's been months.
Howard asked Eric if he knows what his life is going to be like if he loses his legs. Eric said it'll be terrible. He said he's using a walker now too. Robin said he's in his 30s. Eric said he's 44. Robin said that's still very young. Robin said 80 year olds have walkers. Howard said his dad is 92 and doesn't have a walker.
Eric said he has to travel next week. He's doing an appearance with Joey in Pittsburgh. Howard asked Eric what he's eating. Eric said he had a whole carton of Strawberries. Howard said he has to cut back even if he eats healthy food. Eric said he was told they're good for you.
Shuli said that he heard there's a Biggest Loser audition coming up and he thought Joey and Eric were going to go. Eric said Joey can't do it because he's in a union. Howard asked what union. Eric said he's in the AFTRA union.
Ronnie came in and said that Eric is working for a strip club service. He's stripping for Bachelorette parties. Eric said he started that a couple of months ago. Ronnie said he strips down to his boxer shorts. Eric said he gets over 100 bucks for that. Eric said he's going to lose the weight. Shuli asked why he has to be on TV. Eric said he can do it if Howard helps. Howard told him to do it today. He said he's losing his legs. Howard said this is his life. He has to do it without the show. Eric said he is down to 401 pounds. He said that was with his clothes on. Shuli said the doctor deducted weight for his clothes. Howard said he was 404 in there. Howard said he's bragging that he lost 3 pounds.
Howard said they had Eric up there and had him do an Obama impression. He played the clip and Eric was doing his deep voice and using the N-word. Howard said he's not only fat but racist too. Howard told Eric to take his advice and don't wait for the Biggest Loser. Howard said he's dull and he shouldn't take that as an insult. Howard said he is dull and he isn't sure they're looking for that on The Biggest Loser. Shuli said so many people have tried to help Eric lose weight. None of it has helped.
Howard asked Eric if he has had snacks today. Eric said he had oatmeal. Howard said he's lying. Eric said he had oatmeal and strawberries. Eric said they had meatloaf too. He said it was one meatloaf between the two of them. Howard said he bets they had mashed potatoes too. Eric said it was pasta. Robin asked if he's ever heard of a salad. Eric said he has just one portion of food. Howard asked what he ate last night. Eric said he went to bed at 7 and didn't eat anything. He said he fell asleep playing video games. Howard said if he's telling the truth then he'll lose weight.
Shuli asked how much sushi he eats at the buffet. Eric said he's had up to 100 pieces. Eric got in a plug for the Smiling Moose in Pittsburgh on August 7th and 8th.
Howard asked if Eric ever beat off thinking about Will. Eric said no. He said only Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said he's not gay. Eric said he's not. Eric said he only beat off thinking about Donnie with Jenny with him. Howard asked what he thinks about. Eric said he thinks about him jerking him off. Shuli asked if he got excited thinking about him at the concert. Eric said he did. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and brought up Dennis Rodman and his documentary about going to North Korea. Robin said it's really interesting. Robin said Dennis put all of that together himself. Robin said things were going well for him until things in the States turned and then he started drinking. Robin said he fell apart after that and they have it all in the documentary. Robin said Howard should take a look at it. Howard asked how it was going on a date with him. Robin said he was very sweet and very smart. Robin said he is reasonable when he's not drinking. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the riots in Baltimore and how they've released some 911 calls. Robin said it shows chaos. Robin had Howard play some clips. Robin said they were frustrated by not having the right gear and not being able to chase the rioters down. Robin said over 150 officers were injured during the riots.
Robin read a story about how Marijuana may help to heal broken bones. Robin said they found that it works on rats with broken legs in a study.
Robin said there's a new e-commerce site called Jet.com that may challenge Amazon.com. Robin said that they offer bigger discounts for the more you buy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he remembers Gary Busey being in there and getting physical. He asked if Howard has ever been pushed toward violence. Howard said he has had to fight. The caller said he had a guy get angry at him on stage and he wanted to rush him. Howard said that's a horrible thing. He didn't want to get into that more so he let the guy go. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a French teen has been able to control her HIV without the use of drugs. Robin said she was infected at birth. Robin said she has had undetectable levels in her blood since stopping treatments. Howard said that some people seem to have that ability. Howard said JM J Bullock might be one guy who was able to have that under control. Howard asked Gary if he's right about that. Gary said he'd have to go back and look.
Robin read a story about how Mitsubishi has apologized for using POW slave labor in World War II. Howard said he didn't know that.
Robin read about Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert ending their marriage. Robin said that Blake is the one who filed for divorce. Robin said the marriage lasted 4 years. Howard said he thought it was a long time. Robin said no.
Robin read a story about an NFL player's wife who was killed. Robin said she was allegedly abducted and killed by the player's mistress. Robin said that she was abducted last Wednesday. Robin said they chased the woman and the woman shot the wife and then herself. Robin said they say that the player and the mistress were having an affair for years.
Robin read a story about a witch doctor talking about how President Obama will be in Kenya and he will visit his ancestral home. Robin said that Obama isn't supposed to visit there but the witch doctor thinks he will. Howard said it's funny that there are still witch doctors in this world. Robin said he claims that he predicted that Obama would some day be president. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about another Republican jumping into the run for President. Robin said that John Kasich wants to run.
Robin had some audio of Bill O'Reilly talking to Donald Trump about his comments about John McCain. Trump claims that he has respect for McCain and if there was a misunderstanding then he'd take it back. Robin said that other candidates are taking aim at Trump. Robin had some clips of some other people talking about the McCain and Trump thing. Robin said a newspaper is asking Trump to drop out of the race.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton issuing a statement yesterday about something she said about ''black lives count.'' Robin said she said all lives count but she got called out for that and now she has to say ''black lives count.''
Robin read a story about a group of pastors who got together and are saying that the gay marriage thing is a strike against people who are for biblical marriage.
Robin read a story about someone who had to get a rock to break a window to get a child out of a hot car. Robin said the parents were only upset that the woman had broken the window when they got back. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about what went on. Robin said she did what she thought was right. Robin had audio of an official talking about how there is no excuse for this kind of conduct. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that Rahsaan isn't there but he gave Ken the chance to announce the poll. Ken said they're asking ''What should JD's punishment be for keeping a hot woman out of the Hottest Fan contest?'' and the choices were:
Jon said JD was claiming innocent today. Gary said he's just not good at explaining anything. He said he's super smart but when you put the spotlight on him he doesn't do well. Jon said that after the number of years they've been there you'd think he'd get better at it. Gary said he has improved. Gary said he can get that way sometimes too. He said he and Sal talk about it and Howard can look at you and his eyes just say ''I'm bored with you'' and you lose focus. Jon asked where Sal's anger about the homeless came from. Gary said they wanted to let him rant today so they sent him in. Gary said he doesn't think Sal even votes. He said that he's hoping that someone will listen and do something about it. They went to break after that.
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Jon said Joe is new to the show compared to the rest in the room. He said Howard loves fights and this one didn't seem to be staged. Joe said hopefully they can fuel the fire and get one going in the studio. Jon said that Jason can take a hell of a punch.
Jon said that Jason is pretty out there and that's normal to him. He said he's just living life in his mind. Ken said that he has no end to what he draws the line at. Gary said he found it interesting that Howard said he lives in a very dark world. Jason doesn't think it's a dark world. Jon said he did draw the line at Ayahuasca.
Gary said he doesn't like the threesome thing having two guys in it. He said when he thinks of one it's one guy and two women.
Ken said that Howard made all of this stuff relatable. He said that he thought Jason going to MDMA therapy is something he can't even relate to but Howard made it possible. He said that's mind blowing. Jon said Jason had a crazy childhood. He said that would make anyone crazy.
Jon said that Sam the caller was relating to it just fine. He said she told Howard about how she can relate to it just fine. Jon said JD related to it in a different way since he apparently had something to do with keeping her off the show.
Gary said he had a guy trying to get him involved in a threesome and he thought that he was just trying to impress him but it turns out he was going to everyone at the party trying to get action.
Jon took a call from a guy who said JD's problem is that he makes contests his own personal cattle calls. He said that girl on the phone sounded interesting. He said that there is no reason that she shouldn't have been in the contest. Gary said that he doesn't think that she related any of the info she gave today in the contest. Gary said that the looks and the story both count. He said that she may have made a difference if she had told those stories before. Jon said that he's never seen so many guys gather around Jason's computer waiting for a picture to come in. Ken said that he heard it all going down. He said the minute JD was on the hook it felt like the sharks started swarming. He said the excitement level went up in the hallway. Ken asked if they ever have that going on and it all bubbles up. Gary said they had her picture from when she sent it in last year. He said she was doing a body builder pose in that. Then she sent the selfie and she looked much better in that. Jon said that they're all aware of the blood in the after thing. He said they all mess with each other there.
Ken said it almost happened again with the Asian Pete game today. Gary said that everyone throws you under the bus there. He said people get mad at the level of joy you get from doing it. He said Jason used to do it and chuckle about it. He said that would piss people off. Jon said everyone has that attitude to a certain point. He said that it's the gleeful smile that makes you mad.
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Gary said he thinks he saw them get on some public access TV show. Ken said that he announced that Gary was playing a music festival with them. Ken said he feels like it doesn't mater if it ends up on the show. He said he did a song parody about Baba Booey. Jon said they have that to play at the end of the show today. Ken said he laughs to himself writing it. He said his girlfriend realized that's how he gets great joy in life. He said it's just for him even if it doesn't get on the air.
Jon said when Howard talks about the blackheads on his dad's back you hear the love. He said that his father appreciated him and they were close at that time. He said overall it's kind of gross though. Gary said that Robin asked how long his dad was happy and it only lasted about 15 minutes. Gary said when you're looking for affection and you're popping blackheads, that's kind of a fun story.
Joe said he thought that he had a good relationship with his dad but he never did anything like that. He said he has a 2 year old now and he enjoys changing his shitty diaper. He said that must be how Howard enjoyed popping the blackheads. He said it's an intimate thing. Gary said you're doing something that no one else would do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a friend who lets people fuck his wife. Gary said that's just one friend. He said that doesn't mean everyone is doing it. Gary said that it's not a groundswell. The caller said everyone knows she does it so it's not a big deal.
Gary said that they used to talk to Benjy about this. He said they think it's going on more than you think but he's not sure how popular it is. Ken said if his friend said he could fuck his wife he's not going to do it. Jon said he's with him. He said maybe it's 5 or 10 percent. Gary said he knows someone who lived in that world and they think it's more than it actually is. Jon said that he must be using Sal statistics there. Gary said right.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the JD thing. He said he thinks they will have a hard time keeping an eye on JD if they take away his video games or the McDonald's. He said that he should have to apologize. He said that he should have to apologize to Howard and to the show. Jon said JD is very honest on the show and almost to a fault. He said he can't lie or deflect. He said he thinks he would honor whatever the punishment is.
Jon asked Ken what the results of the poll are. Ken said the winner was ''No McDonald's for a month.'' Joe said that's what most everyone else is doing already.
Jon wrapped up after that. He got in a plug for Sternthology and for the Milk Carton Kids. They were done around 11:45am. They played Ken's song parody about Baba Booey as they ended the show.
Howard started the show talking about how tired he is this morning. He said his daughter called him this morning and she lives in L.A. He said she forgot he was going to bed. He said they talked for quite some time so he was up late and now he's paying for it.
Howard said he saw that Robin had a surprise birthday party. Robin said that's right. She was up late too. Howard said he saw video of that. Howard said it was a girl's party. Robin said that's right. She said about 15 people showed up. Howard said that's triumphant Robin once again. Howard asked if it was the witches. Robin said it was a mix of both. Howard asked if she got naked. Robin said she did not.
Howard said that most people don't know how to give gifts. Robin said people came through. She said she got some jewelry. She said that was very nice. Howard said that's very nice. He asked if she was surprised. Robin said she was and she cried a little. Howard said he saw that in the video. Howard said he expected her to tough it out.
Howard asked if she got any gag gifts. Robin said she didn't. Howard said he hates that shit. He said he never gives gag gifts. He said he gets mad when he has to throw that stuff out. He said it's so stupid. Howard asked if they had a pillow fight. Robin said it was in a restaurant so no.
Howard said he watched America's Got Talent last night and he hates when they edit out his opinion. He said they edit out his negative comments. Robin said there didn't seem to be much of Howard last night. Howard said he's not sure why they pay him. He said he thinks they're editing around him since he's leaving. Howard said maybe they don't want people to miss him when he leaves. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. Howard said he feels like he was the confederate flag and he was edited out of the world. Howard said he still doesn't know why Howie was in that cat outfit.
Howard said he gets that the show isn't all about him. He said he does better in shows that are. Robin said she's glad it wasn't just her. Howard said that guy who had the beard as a woman was remarkable the first time he was on. Howard said he had a gift of going on stage and telling his stories. Howard said he thought he'd be a great talk show guest. Howard said he thought he was top 5 material. Howard said he came out and he was the lead guy on it. Howard said he forgot his lines and choked big time. Howard said he stopped everything and went to talk to the guy. Howard said you don't see all of that on TV. Howard said he told the guy to compose himself. He said he thought he was worth seeing at his best. Howard said he was breaking down and very upset with himself. Howard said he has had a tough life. Howard said he told the guy to start again. Howard said he got his composure and tried again. Howard said he went and then he choked again.
Robin said they made that all very quick. Howard said they did but it was compelling TV. Howard said they got a 10 minute break after that and then he went out and talked to the guy. Howard said there were no cameras around at the time and he was in bad shape. Howard said he went over and started talking to him. Howard said he was from Kansas or something. He said he was talking to him about this being his big break and then the cameras came over. Howard said he wasn't looking for a camera. Howard said they did get some of the conversation. He said he told the guy that he has talent and he would probably have put him through. Howard said he was so strong in the first audition. Howard said he told him that he has real talent and hit the road with his act. Howard said he has to do that act over and over to remember it.
Howard said there are some people who don't belong in show business but he thinks this guy should be. Howard said he's half winging it though. He said he has to learn his material. Howard said he broke down in tears and he shared a story with him about breaking down himself. He said that he felt he had something. Howard said the guy asked for a hug and he let him. He said he was a sweaty mess but he gave him the hug anyway.
Howard said after that he thought it was going to make great TV. He said that it would be great for kids to see. Howard said Howie saw what was going on too. Howard said he was happy he did that. Howard said he was excited that the exchange had happened. He said then it was on last night and it was fine but they edited it down. He said they have to do that but he wished that they had put his plight on TV. Howard said it was a very strong moment.
Robin said the guy did choke twice and you do wonder how he is off stage. Howard said someone has to make those hard decisions. Robin said they did have Michael Buble there so they had to give him some time. Howard said there was a guy who he didn't like doing his magic act but they cut that out.
Robin said they did the cut round with an audience. Howard said he prefers not to do that. He said he's had such a positive experience there. He said he doesn't want to be taken as a complainer. He said he wishes there were some moments there that he'd like left in. Howard said he feels his moments are the best. Howard said he didn't think it would work doing that whole thing in front of an audience but it worked.
Mariann said the Charlie Chaplin guy was good on the ladder. Robin said the guys who ran into the bus last time were so lame this time. Howard said they cut a lot of his funny exchanges out of that.
Mariann wished Robin a happy birthday a little early. Mariann said that she heard Howard on Sternthology and heard him talking about Bill Cosby calling him Johnny Jell-O-Seed and she laughed at that. Howard hung up on her a short time later.
Howard said he took quaaludes in college and they are pretty powerful. He said you can't use that stuff on chicks. He said it's just not right. Howard said we all have mothers and sisters and you just can't do that. Howard said this guy Cosby is so dark and evil. Robin said they had a show called Playboy After Dark and Cosby was there all the time. Robin said she remembers seeing him on that show. Howard said he probably wanted to be close to Hef. Robin said he was close to him. Robin said she wonders how they bought that act of his.
Howard said you can't make pussy your entire reason for living. He said you just can't. Howard said he's speaking to primarily young men. Howard said it leads to nothing. Howard said you just have to whack off more and get through those years. Howard said it'll get you into big trouble. Howard said you have to have a balance and keep things in perspective.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Asian Pete game was hilarious yesterday. He said he was trying to guess them and wasn't doing too bad. Howard said they were rough. Howard said he had a few more but he didn't get to them.
Howard gave the guy a shot at trying to guess. Howard played one and Robin said she got it right away. The caller, Gary, said he can't make it out. Fred said he thinks he knows. Robin said it's Schindler's List. Howard let Gary go after that.
Howard played another one and no one knew what it was. Gary Dell'Abate came in with the answers. Gary said that one was It's a Wonderful Life. Next up was Hunger Games. Everyone got that one. Next up was Forrest Gump. Robin got that right away. Howard played another one. No one was getting it. Gary said this one is impossible. Howard played it over and over trying to get it. He wasn't able to figure it out. It sounded like ''Children'' sort of. Howard said he's going to try to channel Pete. Gary told him it was Django Unchained. Howard said it wasn't even close.
Howard said yesterday they were talking about Asian Pete and how tough it is for him. He said they made a call to a restaurant with Pete trying to place an order. Howard played the call and the woman on the phone had no idea what he was saying. She eventually asked for someone who speaks English and hung up on him.
Howard said this Periscope thing is amazing. He said he has thought about posting video for the show. He said now they can do that. Howard said that he can see a lot of good uses for it. He said the bad example is the Howie Mandel thing. Howard said there is good and bad there. Howard said he still thinks it's pretty cool over all.
Howard said he knows Jeff the Drunk has an account. He said so does Medicated Pete. Howard said they are putting up shows and they're hysterical. Howard said what's so great about social media is that guys like Jeff and Pete can be on social media and not be seen. Howard said Pete would probably be better off not being seen.
Howard said he has Jeff the Drunk on Periscope smoking weed while watching Big Brother. Jeff complains about his weed and coughs like crazy. Howard said he takes a hit and he's a fucking mess. Howard said he shouldn't be smoking pot.
Howard took a call from Jeff who said he's still smoking cigarettes too. Howard said he's going to die soon. Jeff said ''Oh well.'' Howard said he has tested the human body to the max. He said he makes Riley sound healthy.
Howard asked if he's going to do more Periscope shows. Jeff said sure. Howard said he has to fuck the Real Doll. Jeff said he gave it away. Howard said he'd have like 50 million viewers if he did that. Robin asked if he'd be allowed to do that. Howard said they don't seem to have any rules. Jeff said it's like the Wild fucking West out there.
Howard played more of Jeff on Periscope. Jeff took another hit and coughed for a few seconds. Howard asked what goes through his head when that happens. Jeff said it doesn't sound any different than years ago when he did the same thing. Howard asked how he's going to get better weed. Robin asked if it even makes him high. Jeff said you have to cough to get off. He said that's just a saying.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff is on Periscope 24/7. He said this won't last very long. He said he has to pay for the stuff himself now. He has to pay for data or WiFi and the company that gave him this stuff isn't going to keep paying for it. Jeff said it was Beezid. He said he has to pay $110 a month for it. Howard said he loves that the company looked at him and thought he was a good investment. Shuli said he could keep it going if he stopped smoking. Shuli said he has to pay for the installation too.
Howard said if Jeff needs anything new he won't be able to afford it. Shuli said that Jeff cut everything out years ago to get out of debt. He said he doesn't have the will power to do that now.
Fred said Periscope does have guidelines. He said they say you can't post pornographic material. He said he's sure they don't want him causing a riot with his video. He said you can't impersonate either.
Shuli showed a shot of Jeff shirtless on Periscope. Howard said he has huge tits. Howard asked if he shaves his chest. Jeff said no. Howard said he has The Lump on the phone. Howard took that call and The Lump said that it's called Peridope when Jeff does that. The Lump said he has a lump on him now after Jeff smoked so much. He said there's a serious cancer risk there. He said he's getting sick of his tax dollars paying for this asshole. Jeff said he doesn't pay his talent. Howard didn't understand what he was talking about.
Howard said some people have been tweeting as The Lump but it's not the real guy. The Lump said he's not doing that. He said they're not real.
Shuli said Jeff and Medicated Pete are so entertaining on Periscope. Howard said Pete's whole thing is getting laid but he's snorting and making noise. He said here won't be any getting laid for him. Shuli said there are times that there is 2 minutes of silence on Periscope with him. Howard played a clip of Medicated Pete on Periscope snorting and saying ''What's up'' and ''How's everybody doing'' over and over. Howard said he has a clip of Pete in the lobby there doing the same thing. Howard said they had a microphone on him in the lobby. Pete was yelling out to Scott when he walked by. Howard said they eventually threw him out of the lobby.
Howard said that Pete goes into a pitch about looking for a date. Howard said he's twitching like a mad man. Shuli said people ask him if he took his medication that day. Howard played the clip and Pete was talking about looking for a date. He was snorting and talking to his viewers. He told one woman to send him a DM. Howard asked if Jeff or Pete is better on Periscope. The Lump said it's Pete. He said that Jeff should tittie fuck himself. He said that would solve two problems. Jeff said The Lump is a fucking shithead. Howard said he needs him though. The Lump said he'd rather be on Pete because at least he doesn't hack up phlegm.
Shuli said when Jeff did Periscope the first time he left it running for like 24 hours. He didn't know there was no time limit. The Lump was going on Jeff's big tits and Jeff kept telling him to go fuck himself. The Lump said when Jeff does jumping jacks he gives himself black eyes with his tits. Jeff said he can't even do jumping jacks. That cracked everyone up.
Howard asked Jeff if he's on now. Jeff said he is. Howard told him to take his shirt off. Jeff said he's not doing it. He said he will show his tits though. Howard said that he's looking at him right now. Howard said he can see The Lump under his tit. The Lump said hi to everyone. Howard said he's looking at Jeff and reading all of the comments. He said they're commenting on the cancerous lump.
Howard said Medicated Pete is doing his thing on there and then he does a Riley Martin impression that's really weird. Howard played that audio clip too. Pete was doing a really bad impression of Riley. Howard said that's some fucking show. Pete wasn't snorting while he did that though. Howard said he stopped doing it and he started snorting.
The Lump said that Pete is like Rich Little. Jeff said people ask him to do a shot all the time. The Lump asked about doing a shot in the head. Jeff told him to go fuck himself. The Lump said Jugs magazine is looking for him to do the cover. Howard asked The Lump if he dies with Jeff if Jeff dies. The Lump said they'll find out soon. The Lump said he prays for death every day. Howard said he has been handed a bad lot in life. Howard asked Jeff if he's going to smoke weed today. Jeff said he's going to sing some melodies today. Howard and the guys goofed on the way he said melodies. Howard said that he should try to lick his own tit right now. Jeff said he can't do it. They told him to try anyway. Jeff had to put the phone down and he tried it. Howard said that Jeff is boring until he starts smoking weed. Jeff said that the singing is top notch.
Shuli said when you watch Pete you wonder if he knows this thing is on. Shuli said Beetlejuice is on there too. Howard said he might have to get that thing. Jeff went off on someone who commented on his lazy eye. Jeff said he knows he has one. He said he bans people like that.
Howard asked Jeff how long he's going to be on. Jeff said he has no idea. Howard said he has to start Howard TV again and do it like this. Jeff asked if he's going to pay him to keep him on Periscope. Howard said no. Jeff said he gives him content. Howard said that's true. Jeff went off on another viewer on Periscope. Howard said he has 475 people watching him right now. Shuli said that's the most he's ever had. Jeff said he has a lot of hearts. Shuli said that's a way of people saying they like what you're doing. Jeff said he has over 160,000 hearts on there. The Lump said he's the Ian Ziering of Periscope. Jeff even laughed at that. Howard said he really has to go. Jeff said ''Fuck you Lump, you piece of shit.'' The Lump said he had to go anyway. Jeff said he's going to see Howard at America's Got Talent in the first live show. Howard said Jeff can't say hi to him but The Lump can.
Robin wondered if the guy who created Periscope had any idea this is what it would be used for. Howard said he's sure he thought it was going to be useful to help people around the world. He said now they have people shitting and weighing it on camera.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in again and said that Jeff sings every night on there. She said that it's amazing. She said Jeff is fabulous on there. Howard let her go and said he has to tune in for Pete. Howard said they edit these things down but he can't imagine sitting through it all. Shuli said he has to sit through it all for his job. Howard said he should give Gary a job typing something with one finger and have it on Periscope. He said they could have him eating shrimp too. Howard said he would have Periscope'd Gary eating his breakfast. Howard asked Jason what their account name is. Jason said it's @SternShow. He said it's linked to their Twitter. Howard asked Gary if he's typing anything. Howard told Gary to type the front page of the paper for a half hour. He said it's like watching a chicken pecking at its food. Howard said he can think of all kinds of uses for this thing. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he asked Hillary Clinton to call in again. He took a call from fake Hillary after that. Hillary said she's in Iowa and she loves being there and lying directly to people's faces. Howard asked Hillary about the confederate flag. Hillary confused that for something else and started talking about same sex marriage.
Howard asked Hillary if she's worried about Bernie Sanders surging in the polls. Hillary said he has some fantastic ideas but do we really want that? Howard asked if that concerns her at all. She said he'll be gone as soon as people find out he's Jewish.
Howard asked if fake Hillary will release her blood tests since people think she had a blood clot. Hillary said that she will do what she has to or doesn't have to do. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go a short time later.
Howard said they're going to play a game. He said they asked Underdog what her favorite books were. Gary said they had a few choices. They were cake decorating, knitting or fairy tales. Howard said fairy tales. It turns out it was cake decorating books.
Howard said they asked who her favorite comedians were. Gary said she's stuck in a time warp so here are the choices... Dick Van Dyke, Bob Hope or Carol Burnett? Howard said Carol Burnett. Robin said Bob Hope. Fred said maybe she had a crush on Dick. Howard said a lot of women love Dick. Her answer was Bob Hope.
Howard asked what's next. Gary went to musical instrument. They were Harp, Lute or clarinet. Howard said he thinks that it's the harp. Robin went with that and Fred went with lute. Her favorite was the harp. Howard played her answers after they guessed.
Howard asked if they're liking this game. Robin said it's alright. Howard said that he is fascinated by Underdog. Robin said she is too so she's not sure why it's not clicking. Gary asked what her favorite TV show is, My Mother the Car, Quincy or Little House on the Prairie. It was Quincy.
Howard asked what her favorite super hero is. The choices were Underdog, Spider-Man and Cat-Woman. Her favorite was Underdog and everyone knew that answer. Robin said she is very confused by that whole thing. She didn't have a reason for it. Howard said she loves to interpret flying so that's why she liked Underdog. Howard said that she was an admirer of Superman. Howard said he understood it. Gary said her interpretation of flight is putting one leg back and putting her arms up.
Howard read through some of the other choices for her favorites. He picked cat for favorite pet and he was right about that. Her favorite holiday she didn't have an answer for other than Christmas even though she's not happy about the way it's celebrated. Her favorite music was Classical. Her favorite sport was gymnastics. Howard went to break after all of that.
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Howard asked where that came from. Robin said it was in the news the other day. She said she was talking about Presidents who used the N-word. Howard said Robin has a feminine voice but they say ''we have to throw this guy off.''
Howard said Benjy lost some weight and that inspired some songs. Howard said Benjy has some loose skin because of the weight loss. Howard said if you don't work out then you get that. Robin said Benjy has been working out. Benjy said it's probably not as horrible as he thinks. Howard said Benjy was so fat. He asked if his tits droop. Benjy said he's not super proud of how he looks naked. He said he wants to do more working out. He said he's still hopeful. Howard said he can get an operation to tighten it up. Howard said that leaves scars though. Benjy said scars are kind of cool. Howard said not those scars.
Howard played one of the songs that a fan sent in about Benjy's loose skin to the Footloose theme. Howard said there's another one to Hang On Sloopy about his skin being droopy. Howard said that they used to put the names on them. Howard asked if they were by Psych. Gary said they were.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if CBS late night has better ratings now that Dave is gone. Howard said that's a good question. He said that they're just running stuff in place of the show. Howard said Colbert doesn't start until September. Howard asked Jon Hein to come in with the answer. Jon came in and said they're doing a thing called the Summer Showcase and they run their hit shows during that time period. Howard said you can't just watch 4 episodes and get into it. Jon said they're getting about 2 million viewers with that. Howard said Dave had 2.8 million and now they play reruns and it gets 2 million. Jon said roughly, yes. Howard said they should just keep doing that. Jon said he thinks Colbert will do great but they have shown they can do great and save money with that programming.
Howard said that's a swing of 800,000 people and that's nothing. Howard said he's shocked when people want to go on late night TV and not his show. Howard said they have way more than 2 million people listening to this stuff. Jon said if you add up all 3 it's still fewer than they get. Howard said he doesn't know how CBS gets 2 million viewers watching a rerun. He asked why bother with the late night show. Jon said that they can get some people hooked on the shows for the fall doing what they're doing now.
Howard said they should do something really weird in late night. He said they should take a gamble and do something really bizarre. Howard said they should stop with the guy behind the desk. Jon said they do that but then they change it back to that format. He said that's what people want to see at that time. Howard said if he were 30 years old he'd go host one of those shows. Jon asked what he would do. Howard said he knows but he's not going to tell anyone.
Robin checked the numbers and confirmed that Dave only had 2.8 million viewers. Howard said Jon Hein has the body to show he knows TV. Howard asked if he still eats that shitty food. Jon said he does.
Howard said he doesn't think that Dave was going to leave but all of these young guys came in. Howard said the stars were aligned for this change. Howard said Stephen Colbert seems to be pretty funny. Howard asked if he has been on the show. Gary said no but he will probably come on for the new show. Howard said he met him at America's Got Talent once. He said he taped a bit for his show and he seemed like a real nice guy. Howard said he's funny. Howard said they have a lot of guys on in late night. He said they are going to kill each other. Howard said he's only seem James Corden a couple of times. Robin said she can only last a couple of minutes. Jon said he's very jolly and nice. He said that's what they're doing now. Howard said James Corden has a bit he does that's funny but it seems to be every celebrity singing in a car with him. He said that should be a one off thing. He said it's not that great a bit. Howard said it was a funny sketch. He said it's like Saturday Night Live doing something every week.
Jim said that Dave did the Top 10 List. Howard said the famous story about that is that Dave wanted to stop doing it but the audience wanted it. Howard said it's like Trump being in the race for president. He said it's like he's goofing on it and making things worse for the republican party. Howard said he doesn't think Trump really cares. Jim asked if he could win. Howard said no. Howard said he doesn't think Trump wants to win. He said he thinks he's saying this outrageous shit to get people not to vote for him. He said it's unbelievable.
Howard said he watches The Five and he tunes out when they stop talking about Trump. Howard said he only cares about Trump. Howard said Geraldo is great on The Five. He said he threatened to beat someone up on that show. Howard asked where that clip is. JD told him where it was. Howard played the clip and Geraldo was arguing with someone and said he'd knock him right out if he wasn't his friend. Howard said he loves FOX news. He said that the girls are hot and the guys are all fighting. Howard said the girls are half naked and wearing mini skirts. Howard said there's nothing better than hot girls and fights. Howard said at least he's not into video games.
Howard asked JD to come in and talk about this game. JD doesn't play it but he told them what it's like. JD said he doesn't want to deal with this nonsense. He said it's like Dungeons and Dragons. He said you man a spaceship and attack other space ships. He said that it's too complicated and too involved. JD said people play these games for 30 hours at a time. Howard said what's weird to him is that the game came out and people are building their lives around it. Howard said he read it came out in 2003 though.
Howard played the clip of these two guys arguing in chat about how bad one of the guys is at playing. They were nerding out over their rankings and kills. One guy was ranked higher than the other so he went off on him about that. The guy who was ranked lower was asking how long he's been playing. He was yelling at the guy to shut the fuck up. Howard said they're the biggest losers and they're arguing about this stuff.
Howard wondered if these guys work. Robin wondered how they could spend that much time on it. Howard said that they could get out of work on Friday and spend all weekend.
Howard said his clock says 9:40. Robin said it's wrong because it's only 8:40. Howard said his camera was blocking part of the number. He thought he was supposed to be interviewing Jake. Gary said he's supposed to start at 9. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Jake Gyllenhaal is the star of Southpaw. Howard said they all saw it and loved it. Howard said he's areal movie star. Jake came in and said his sister had a good time in there. Howard asked if he feels anything toward Robin. Jake laughed. He asked how Robin is doing. Howard said he's never seen her so quiet. Jake said he's trying to engage her in conversation. Howard said he's giving her if he wants her. Howard said he doesn't even have to say a thing. Howard said Robin really likes him. Jake said he likes her too.
Howard said that Jake has a great head of hair. He said that's great for an actor. Jake said Howard has great hair too. Howard said that's one of your tools. Jake said his father gave it to him. He said his dad still has his hair. Howard said he's worn bald wigs and if he lost his hair it would be frightening.
Howard asked Jake about going into acting when his sister is in it. Howard said it would be easier if he was the only one. Jake said he's not sure if he would be acting if his sister didn't do it. He said he thought that maybe he could do that and do it better. Howard said that Maggie told him that they were both going up for parts. Jake said it was always the same part. Howard said it's a very competitive thing. Jake said it's helpful and not helpful. He said at some point they stopped talking about work. He said now she has two kids and it's about them now. He said it's about life. Jake said his parents just got divorced and they're focusing on family more now. He said it gets boring to be competitive with your sibling.
Howard said Jake was cast in City Slickers as a kid and he was into breaking into song and things like that as a kid. Howard said Billy Crystal was a friend of the family and he saw that. Jake said he was a theater nerd. He said when Billy was casting for that movie he picked up a chair and told him not to forget his party favor. He said Billy loved that and asked him to come to the audition.
Howard said Jake parents were in the business and they were in movies. Howard said it becomes believable that you can become a movie star when you see them doing that. Howard said that he was a kid on Long Island and he never thought he could be on radio. Howard said he must have thought this was plausible. Jake said he just thought it would be a fun thing to do. He said he was really young and thought it was fun to entertain people. He said he was on the movie set as a kid but that was just his dad's job. He said then it becomes normal. Jake said that's the family business.
Howard said his dad didn't pay much attention to him. He said that his dad was a recording engineer. Howard said that Jake's dad must have led him into that life. Jake said absolutely. He said his dad told him he should do it. He said his dad paid attention to those people so maybe he'd pay attention to him.
Jake told Howard that Private Parts is one of his favorite movies. He said he saw it at 16 and he thought that someone out there understood ''us.'' Howard said that he loves hearing an actor saying that they liked that film. Howard said it was a serious film and he felt that radio wasn't represented properly in film. He said he likes that compliment.
Howard said doing Brokeback Mountain had to be a huge decision for him. He said Robin Williams did a movie. Gary said that was Birdcage. Howard said that was over the top but it was a gay role. He said that he's sure he met with his agent over that. Jake said that Ang Lee was directing it so he had to do it. He said that he's done so many great films. Jake said that was part of it. He said it wasn't calculated like Howard says. He said they never thought it was going to become what it became. Jake said it moved him too. He said the script was good. He said he had to do it. Howard said he was nominated for an Oscar for that. Howard said fuck everyone when that happens. Howard said that Clooney was nominated that year too. Howard asked if he wanted that award. Jake said it really does not mater to him. He said that he was thinking about how crazy it was to be nominated. He said they had no idea what was going on with that movie. He said that they were at the Academy Awards and they were shocked. He said that he was so nervous that he got poison ivy on his arms. He said he was rocking aback and forth and scratching his arms.
Howard asked if he had a speech ready to go. Jake said he didn't. He said he expected George Clooney to win. Howard asked if he sits and watches the other films. Jake said he did. Howard asked if he compared them to his. Jake said it's weird. He said there are so many great performances that aren't nominated. He said they're better than the ones who were nominated. Howard said it has to get weird. Jake said it's like the stupidest thing. He said they're not playing a sport or anything.
Robin asked if he has to think about the face he's going to put on. Jake said of course. He said his publicist was telling him how to smile.
Howard said Jake's parents knew he was growing up around stars. He said they kept him in line though. Howard said his Bar Mitzvah was held in a homeless shelter. Jake said that's right. Howard said they wanted to humble him. Howard asked if he wanted to shoot them. Jake said he wanted to know where his Robocop poster was. He said they did have a party. He said that he did get a party and it was fun but still. Jake said that his dad is Christian and his mom is Jewish. He said that they thought giving back was a way to give back and bring both religions together.
Howard asked how old he was in City Slickers. Jake said he was 12. Howard said he got an audition for Mighty Ducks and he passed and got the role but his parents put a stop to it. Howard asked if he was upset with them over that. Jake said he was. He said they stopped him from starring in a movie. Howard asked if he credit over it. Jake said he remembers crying on the kitchen counter. He said Maggie was like ''Hahaha.'' He said she really didn't care. Jake said his parents told him he had to get his education first. He said he did thank them later. He said being in school was better than doing the movie.
Howard said he thanks his parents now but he must have been frustrated. Howard said the rules were that if the gig was close to home then he could be in it. Jake said that he's not sure it was a rule but his dad had extra parts in his movies. Jake said he thinks that the movie stuff is meant more for adults and it can mess up a child. Howard said being an adult doing a movie he found that it's such an aphrodisiac. He said that it can really mess you up. Jake said that's true. He said it's a fake space where everyone is taking care of you. He said you can really lose touch if you spend too much time in it.
Howard said when he made his movie he thought about how beautiful everyone was. Jake said that you're in character and you're in a love story so part of your mind isn't the actor and you wonder what's real and not real. He said that's what the technique of acting is about though. Howard asked if you convince yourself that you are in love. Jake said it's the opposite. He said it's about staying out of that world but having that space created for doing it.
Howard said Jake went to college and he drops out when he got October Sky. Jake said he got that in high school. He said that he went to audition during his free periods. He said he got that part that shot after he got into college. Howard asked what it was like getting into Columbia and his teachers hadn't even done anything in movies. Howard said when he was in college he knew nothing. He said Jake had already acted. Jake said he wasn't studying acting at college. He said it was a general education.
Howard asked if he was going to leave college no mater what. Jake said he was. He said he was done with that and wanted to get into the acting thing. Howard asked who got his part in the Mighty Ducks. Jake said he really doesn't remember. Howard asked if he saw the movie. Jake said he's sure he has. Howard asked what it's like when he's in the Billy Crystal movie. He asked if he went to the premier. Jake said he did. Howard asked if his friends cared. Jake said kids don't care. He said that they really didn't make a big deal out of it. Howard said he figured he'd be getting laid at 11. Jake laughed.
Howard asked if he had to serve food at the homeless shelter at his Bar Mitzvah. Jake said he did. He said the party was after that. Howard said this is the weirdest story ever. Jake said his dad wanted him to do things like that to go from a boy to a man. He said his dad had him sleep in a cave and things like that too. Howard asked if the divorce thing is weird for him. Jake said his dad met someone pretty quick and his mom was on her own for a bit. He said he was spending time with her more. He said that they were all together a lot more. He said that over time everything changes. He said it takes time for the equilibrium to come back. Jake said things are a lot better now. Howard said he used to pray that his parents would divorce. Robin said she prayed that her parents would divorce her.
Howard said that he can't imagine having to hand out stuff to the homeless. Jake said it wasn't like he's thinking. He said the party wasn't at the homeless shelter.
Howard said Jake did Donnie Darko and he wondered if he knows what it was really about. Jake said he does. Howard said he did Bubble Boy too. He was in that with Beetlejuice. Jake said that was great. Howard said he worked with the original Big Foot too. Howard said they had a whole crew down there. Jake said it was great. He said it was a lot of fun. Howard said he knows Beet was hard to work with. Jake said they were doing stupid stunts and stuff so he was like ''fuck this'' on the set.
Howard said then Jake did Brokeback Mountain. Howard asked if that's when the great scripts started coming through. Jake said there was a deluge of offers after that. He said it's one of those things that happens in a crazy way. Howard asked if he was shocked that Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger hooked up. Jake said not really. He said they met during the shoot.
Howard asked if he can fall in love with his co-stars. Jake said he likes to keep his personal life and work separate. Howard asked if he gets bummed when the job comes to an end. Jake said he doesn't really. Howard said he got really upset when his movie ended. He said that he still sees Mary McCormack. He said she just stayed at his house recently with her husband. Howard said he sees some people from the movie once in a while.
Howard asked Jake about being the godfather for Michelle Williams' kid. Jake said he's still close to her. He said she keeps her life pretty personal. Jake said that people think Paul Newman was his godfather but that's not true. He said his mother wrote a script for him and he really liked her. He said that Paul had him come out to drive a car at a race track when he was 16. Howard asked who his godparents are. Jake said that one of them is the guy who shot Nightcrawler with him. Howard said he thinks that's a great film. Howard said he got really skinny waisted for that. Jake said he dropped 35 pounds for that. He said when he read it on the page he thought that he'd look right thinner. He said the character wasn't the athletic type. He said he wanted to make it clear physically. Howard asked if he starved himself. Jake said he did. He said that he ran and didn't eat much. He said he ran like 15 miles a day at one point.
Howard asked how much weight he put on for Southpaw. Jake said he shot Everest and gained weight back so he was like 185 or 190 and then went down to 175.
Howard asked if Jake about Kurt Sutter since he wrote this movie. Jake said that he had Kurt for a neighbor for awhile.
Howard asked about training for the boxing. He said that he is too thin himself. Howard said if he puts on weight he gets a belly and tits. Jake said it's the same for him. Howard asked what he did to train. Jake said he trained twice a day for 5 months. He said he added miles for his road work. He was running like 8 miles a day. He said he was doing boxing training. He said he sucked but he trained for 5 months and got better. He said it took 2 months to get the speed bag. He said he was sparring with people too.
Howard asked if they were allowed to hit his face. Jake said they were. He said they did too. Howard said he wouldn't think they'd allow that for the movie. Jake said that's part of the job. He said you can learn something from it. He said there are some actors who should get hit and he's one of them.
Howard asked if he was lifting weights. Jake said he wasn't doing weights at all. He said they did conditioning and pull ups and things. Howard asked how many pull ups he can do now. Jake said he could probably do 10 or 15 right now. He said that he was able to do a lot more when he was training.
Howard asked if he goes home and photographs himself and thinks he looks good. Jake joked that he did but he said that's not what he did. Jake said it's not about how you look. He said it's about how you box. He said they didn't cut and they didn't have a double. He said he didn't want to look like a fool so he trained hard. He said he had to be able to move around the ring so he wouldn't look like an asshole.
Howard asked if the role was written for Eminem. Jake said it was. He said that he was working on an album at the time. Howard said that Jake did a great job in the film. Jake thanked him for that. Howard said they really did enjoy it. He said he loves fight movies. Robin said those are the best fights.
Howard asked if Jake could handle himself on the street better now. Jake said of course. He's not going to start going out fighting. He said he loves fighting now though. Howard said that's because he understands it now.
Jake said he loved the story of the movie so that's why he did it. Howard asked if he gets intimidated by the other guys in the movie. Jake said there's a lot of improvisation in the movie. He said that Forest came in and he was doing his thing. He said he'd cut him down and tell him it wasn't just about him. Howard asked if he ever felt embarrassed in front of other actors. Jake said not in front of them. He said he thinks about the crew and getting crazy in front of them. He said he wonders if they think he's a weirdo.
Howard asked if he gets into character like Daniel Day Lewis. Jake said sometimes. He said he believes in preparation and being ready to go when you're in the scene. He said he believes in hard work. He said you can go to the other side of something and go off if you joke around before.
Howard said he has some movies that he was almost in. Jake said ''Oh shit...'' Howard said he has a list and he finds this interesting. Howard said he was reportedly up for Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins. Jake said he auditioned for that. Howard asked if he wanted to play Batman. Jake said of course he did. He said it came out really good without him. Howard said that was Christian Bale. Howard said that was good but it would have been good with jake. Jake said his sister was in the second one and Heath was in it too.
Howard said Jake is one of those guys who passes up the big money and takes a role to do a film he wants to do. Howard told him to go for the blockbuster. Howard said that Jakes was supposed to replace Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man 2. Jake said that it didn't go that far. He said these roles are amazing. He said he'd love to play one of those characters. Howard asked if there is disappointment there. Jake said there is but after a while as an actor you start to see that it's just the way it goes. Howard said he hates people so he'd be upset. Jake said he hates them too. He said he's just tired of that kind of competition. He said it's an easy way to go. Jake said you have to be bigger than that.
Howard asked how he would have played Batman. Jake said he would have just been like ''I'm fucking Batman, dude.'' when he has a guy hanging from a string. Howard said he should think it through so maybe he can get the role next time. Howard said he'd fuck it up and say ''I'm Batmin'' in the audition.
Howard said that he was going to be the lead role in Avatar but James Cameron said no. Jake said that's not true. He said they had tons of actors at the time. He said there were a lot of people up for the lead.
Howard asked if he cares about the box office for this movie. Jake said it's in the middle of summer so he's not going to worry about it. Howard said he thinks it'll do well. Howard asked if it's opening this weekend. Jake said it is. Howard asked if he will sit by the phone. Jake said he won't. He said he will turn his phone off. He said he did his job already. He said that it's other people's job now.
Howard asked if he reads his reviews when he does Broadway. Jake said he has. He said that they were positive last time he did a play. Jake said his sister never reads any reviews. Howard asked if he's read any for Southpaw. Jake said he hasn't and he won't. He said the best stuff he does is when he's not aware of himself. He said that he does his best work when he isn't aware of himself. He said if someone says something about the way you talk then you're only going to think about that.
Howard said that someone is going to call and tell him that they have a hit on their hands. Jake said if they don't call then they have trouble. Robin asked if he worries about his career. Jake said he knows what his intentions are and he won't worry about one thing. He said he's 34 now and he's been doing this since he was 11. He said he knows he has a long road. He said he knows it can all go away in a second. He said he's just psyched to be there where he is now.
Howard asked Jake how he's going to stop the party. Jake said that's a good question. Howard asked about being in the movie world how impossible it is to settle down. Jake said it's hard for everyone. He said at some point you decide to grow up. Robin asked if that hasn't happened yet. Jake said he can't believe he said that. He said that he has to find the right person. He said he believes in monogamy. He said he's not in love right now. He said he loves love. Howard said it is great to be in love. Howard asked how many times he's been in love. Jake said maybe 3 times. Howard said Robin might be the fourth. Howard asked what held him back from getting married. Jake said ''it was me.'' He said his parents broke up. He said his sister is married and happy though. He said that means a lot. Jake said his sister and husband make it feel right.
Howard said that Southpaw is opening on Friday. Howard said they played the Taylor Swift theme song under him when he walked out on Good Morning America. Jake said that he didn't even realize that. Howard said Jake dated her for a while. Jake said that you don't even think about that. He said he would have recognized it if he had heard it.
Howard said Jake should have married Taylor Swift. Howard said that would have been some power couple. Howard said there's nothing sexier than a woman who can write a song and make a living doing it. Robin said that Jake apparently has a song written about him. She wasn't sure which song it was though.
Howard said that Jake won't be paying attention to the box office this weekend. Jake said he won't go see the movie either. He said that he did that with Bubble Boy and no one was there. He said that he won't do that again. Jake said he has seen this movie and he has seen many cuts of it. He said he's seen many versions of it. Howard asked if he can ask the director to change things. Jake said he can't do that but they know each other's intentions. Jake said he comes from a family that's about story.
Howard asked what movie is next for him. Jake said Everest is the next one. That's already shot. Howard asked Robin if she would jump right into bed with Jake tonight. Robin said she's not like that. She said she wants romance. Jake said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard asked what's up with the beard. Jake said it's for a movie he's doing with Tom Ford. Howard said he's a clothing designer. Jake said he's directed before and he's good. He said Amy Adams is in it. Howard said Rachel McAdams is hot and in Southpaw. Howard asked why he didn't seduce her. Jake said that she's too good for him.
Howard said he's Jake Gyllenhaal and he should be able to get women like that. Howard asked who has rejected him. Jake said he has been rejected. Howard asked what they said to him. Jake said he's gotten the ''Yeah, no'' from a woman. Howard said that he knows if he looked like Jake he could get laid all the time. Howard asked if she was playing the game with him where she's playing hard to get. Jake said there has been more than one like that.
Howard asked if he's tried to make it with Amy Adams. Jake said she's married. Howard asked if he would break up a marriage. Jake laughed before he even got that line out. He said he knew it was coming. Howard wondered what it's like for Amy's husband to go and make a movie. Jake said his sister has been married a long time and they just say go out and have fun for that time. Howard said Maggie is really cute and he knows he'd have to bang her if he did a movie with her. Jake said that's his sister. He said that he can't say that. He told him to stop talking about his sister.
Howard asked if he would play his sister's love interest in a movie. Jake said that other people have asked that question and he's never talked to them again. Howard said that's the headline. Jake said that's the end of the conversation. He was laughing though. Howard said he would bang his sister. Robin said she was great on that TV miniseries she did. Jake said she was incredible in that show. He said she killed it. Howard asked if he wishes that she was a shitty actress so he'd be the big star. Jake said no way. He said that would suck if she sucked.
Howard asked if he's a lonely guy. Jake laughed and asked for some sad music. Howard asked if he tries to date. Jake said he does.
Howard gave Jake some plugs for the movie Southpaw that opens on Friday. Howard said he liked it and he hopes it does well.
Howard asked where he's going after this. Jake said he's going out to eat. Howard said he's going to let Robin leave early to go with him. Jake said he's going to go eat some eggs or something. Howard asked who his friends are. Jake said he has no friends. Howard asked if he has any famous friends. Jake said he has friends who people know. Howard asked who his best friend is. He said Marcus Mumford is a friend. Howard said he's not that impressed. Howard asked what they do for fun. Jake said they go to sports. He said he doesn't watch TV that much. Howard said he should watch The Bachelor. Jake said he heard about the Long Island Medium. Howard told him not to watch that if he watches any TV.
Jake said he's friends with Adam Levine too. Howard asked if he's shocked that he got married. Jake said that he never thought it would happen and it gives him hope. He said he went to elementary school with Adam. Howard said everyone went to school with him. Howard said the looks with the guitar playing is lethal. Howard asked how old he was when he lost his virginity. Jake said 14 or 15. He said Adam was like ''You're 6 years late.'' Howard said that's pretty young. Jake said it was something like that. Howard said he was such a dick at 14 he wasn't able to put that together. Howard said he had a girlfriend at 14 but he wasn't able to put that together. Howard said he was like 16. Jake said it's like a year later. Howard said he had to beg. He said she didn't want to do it because she would be in his mind forever.
Jake said he was in a car with the girl who he lost his virginity to and she was playing a song on the radio and she said that's the song she lost her virginity to but it wasn't a song that he knew. He said he thought she was a virgin too but she wasn't.
Howard said that he used to look at girdle ads and beat off. Jake said he did that too. Howard said now they have the internet. Jake said that they didn't have a lot of that stuff in his day. He said the internet was just starting.
Howard asked about going to Adam Levine's house and seeing the wife. He asked if she has friends that she sets him up with. Jake said they've never had that conversation. He said Adam is like a real gentleman. He said that's not a thing. He said they just have fun and laugh. Jake said Adam likes to golf. Howard said he hates golf. He said a lot of guys go and play because they get high. Howard asked if Jake gets high. Jake said he'll drink a little but that's not his thing. Howard asked if he goes and hangs out for the day. Jake said they'll watch a movie or something. He said they have a best friend in common and that guy takes care of Adam's house when he's gone.
Howard said he has to hang with them. He said that he'd ask Adam's wife to model for him. Howard said that Adam and Jake can go watch TV and he'll go up and have Behati model for him.
Howard asked if he has a place in Los Angeles. Jake said he doesn't. Howard said he goes to a hotel and stays there and goes to hang out with the friends and his dad out there. Jake said that's what he does. Howard asked if he hangs by the pool and reads scripts. Jake said that's a douche move. Howard said that's what he'd do. Howard said he doesn't have Jake's face so he has to be that way. Howard said he's always with a script.
Robin asked if this Tom Ford movie is going to be a romantic movie. Jake said it is about romance but it's dark. Howard asked if he does love scenes totally nude. Jake said he does. Howard said he was never nude in his movie. Jake said that he wants to do comedy but it has to be something really smart. He said you can play around and have fun but it's something smart. Howard asked if he has a team of people to bounce shit off of. Jake said he does have an agent but ultimately it's his decision.
Howard said he thinks Jake did a great job in Southpaw. He wished him luck with the film. He said he knows he won't be watching the box office though. Howard said he's going to let Robin go out to breakfast if she wants to. Robin said she isn't eating eggs. Then she said she actually is eating eggs. Howard said Robin would eat roast beef for Jake. Robin said she loves Jake and she is always mentioning him on the show.
Howard gave Robin three names for an F, Marry, Kill. They were Jake, Bradley Cooper and Brad Pitt. Robin said that Brad Pitt is dead. She had to think for a minute. She said she would fuck Bradley Cooper and marry Jake. Howard said Jake just turned red. Howard asked if he's ever bought anyone a ring. Jake said he hasn't. Howard asked Robin to choose between Jake and Hozier. Robin said she hardly knows Hozier. She said she's going with Jake again.
Howard asked Jake if he's ever gotten an engagement ring. Jake said he hasn't. He said he has gotten jewelry before but not that. Howard said his move is his face. Howard said he doesn't have that. Jake said it hasn't been that bad. Howard asked what he doesn't like about his face. Jake laughed. Howard asked if he sees anything wrong with is face. Jake said he tries to stay positive. He said he has weird eyes and big eyebrows. He said he has cow eyes. Howard said maybe they should end this. Howard said he's so good looking.
Howard asked what would happen if Behati came after him. Jake said it would never happen. He said that his homies are his homies and he would never do that. He said this is not happening. Howard said he was testing him. Jake said being a gentleman is a good thing. He said that his mother would beat his ass.
Howard asked Jake what he says when he breaks up with a woman. Jake said most of the time it's already understood somewhere. He said his brother said to him that you have to know if you're the one doing it that you have to be the asshole. Jake said when he has been broken up with there's a sense of losing self confidence. Howard asked if he has asked what he has done wrong. Jake said he has. He said most of the time they say it's just not working. Howard asked what he says to a woman. Howard asked him to be an actor and tell him what he would say to a woman. Jake said ''Howard, I don't like your face.'' He said that's very direct. Jake said he'd probably say ''I don't like dudes.''
Howard gave Jake some more plugs for Southpaw and wished him luck again. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he was thinking about Trump and if he became president he might appoint him to the Supreme Court. Howard said he is a judge on TV so why not? Howard said he knows Trump wants out. He said he thinks that he's saying this outrageous stuff just to get out of it. Howard said he is wondering what he has to say to beat people off with a stick. Howard said he really should say that he wants to blow up the moon and kill all the sharks in the ocean. Howard said that and saying he wants to appoint Howard Stern to the Supreme Court would end it.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that Jake seemed to fit in like one of the guys. He asked how much lube Robin would need. Howard said she wouldn't need any for Jake.
Howard asked Robin to do some news. They played her in with a song by Little Mikey. Robin said that's one of his worst. Howard said he likes it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was reading about the McDonald's secret menu and wondered if Jon Hein or JD had tried it. Howard said he went to a fast food place when he was on vacation a long time ago. He said it took like an hour for a hamburger. He said he's sure it was kangaroo or something. Howard said all of the guys there go to fast food for lunch. Howard asked Jason or Jon Hein if they've ever heard of this menu. Jason said he has not. He said they rarely get the regular menu right. He said if he asks for the McLovin burger they're going to look at him funny. Howard said this guy who talked about the secret menu is in another country.
Jon Hein said there is a secret menu. He said not every franchise knows it. Howard said that's because some guy came up with his own menu. Jon said there are a lot of different burgers that you have to explain to them. He said they'll make it for you. He said In N Out actually has a secret menu that they know.
Jason said going to a place with Jon takes forever. He has to order with no condiments on it and he has to look at it before taking his order. Jason said they have a lot of that stuff coming off the grill at lunch and Jon is holding up the line.
Gary said that they sent an intern out to get Jason's lunch and Jason freaked out when he didn't get his two double cheeseburgers. He got two cheeseburgers instead. Jason said one time someone came back with the wrong double and he got upset about that too. Howard asked if he gets fries too. Jason said he does. He said he doesn't drink soda or have a shake. Jon said he usually gets a number 4 large size. He said that he'll get a large diet Coke too. Howard asked Jon what he's doing for lunch today. Jon said he'll probably get a sandwich from Lenny's.
Howard said that Dr. Aegis figured out that his mercury levels were too high. He said he had to give him a shout out. Fred said that the double cheeseburger has two slices of cheese on it. That's the difference that Jason was complaining about.
Jon told Howard about a shake he and Jason got out in San Diego. He said it comes in a real, metal container. He said that it's not a fake milk shake. Howard asked Jon if he worries about his weight. Jon said of course he does. Howard said that shake looks awesome. Jon had a picture of it.
Howard said high Pitch just called and he's worried about Jon's weight. The caller was still talking about the McDonald's secret menu. They talked about how gross some of the secret items sounded. Howard let the caller go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck still living together even though they've announced they're going to divorce. That led to Howard playing a montage of news clips where they were all saying the same thing with ''It's a wrap for one of Hollywood's most famous couples.''
Robin read a story about how McDonald's is preparing to have an all day breakfast before the end of the year. Robin said there is something different about the grill or something that they have to prepare for.
Robin read a story about 50 Cent who has to disclose his worth in this thing he's going through. Robin said he's worth less than $5 million. Robin said he has a lot of pending bills and his lawyer claims that he's got almost no money.
Robin read about how Bill Cosby has filed papers in court against one of the women who came out claiming that he sexually molested her. Robin said that Cosby claims that she breached a non disclosure agreement. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the HBO show Real Sports looking into a domestic violence story about one MMA fighter, War Machine, and his girlfriend. Robin had some audio from the show where they talked about that. Howard said it's not that shocking that an MMA fighter has problems like that. He said you have to be a little crazy to go into a ring and choke someone out. Howard said guys go berserk over pussy. He said this is what he was talking about earlier.
Robin read a story about the city council in New York City voting on putting a cap on the number of Uber cars that can be on the street in the city. Howard said they shouldn't do it.
Robin read a story about the reality show that Caitlyn Jenner is going to be on starting Sunday. Howard said he has to watch that show. Howard asked JD when it's on. JD said it's at 8pm on Sunday. Robin read some of the details about things that will be revealed on the show. Howard said he's still in the stage where he sees her and goes ''Holy moley! That's Bruce Jenner!'' Howard played a clip of people on the street commenting on Caitlyn Jenner's new TV show. Howard said it's not easy coming out. Robin said that if you ask Siri about Bruce Jenner it will correct you. Howard tried it on his iPhone and Siri didn't correct him at all. Howard said he loves Caitlyn Jenner and he'll be watching that show. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Tom Brady appeal and how there actually isn't a date set for it.
Robin read about Donald Trump being kind of apologetic about giving out Lindsay Graham's phone number in public. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. She also had some audio of Megan McCain talking about Trump.
Robin read about one of the prisoners that escaped and got caught in New York is spilling his guts. Robin said he has laid out the planning and execution of the plan. Robin said they say the plan was in the works for months. Robin had some details about what he's been revealing.
Robin read a story about a guy who was arrested in London on charges of terrorism.
Robin read about these hackers that hacked into AshleyMadison.com. Robin said what they want is them to take down the site. Robin said some security experts are looking into some Fiat Chrysler cars. Robin said that they say that these hackers can take over control of a car. Howard asked how these guys do it. Howard asked who has time for that. He asked how people are supposed to cheat if they don't have AshleyMadison.com. Howard said they'll have to go back to the old days of fucking the neighbor's wife. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon played a What You Need to Know about today's show. After that Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What Would You Order from the McDonald's Secret Menu?'' and the choices were:
Jon asked if there is no ''All of the Above'' as an option. Rahsaan said why not. Jason hadn't heard about this menu and asked where you get it. Jon said that he wants to clarify this. He said McDonald's doesn't confirm or deny it. He said that they will make it if you ask them to.
Jon asked Jason which one he would choose. Jason said he doesn't eat that stuff. Jason asked how often he has that stuff. Jon said he knows it's bad. Jason asked if he knows what it's made of. Jon said it's number one on his list. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Jake commits to his roles. He said you believe he's the guy. Gary said his head is only eyes in Nightcrawler. He said it worked for that movie. Gary said he thought it was like two separate interviews. He said 45 minutes was like the interview and then the next 45 minutes was like a bunch of people just hanging around and busting balls. Jon said it got goofy in a way and it was like hanging out in someone's living room. Gary said it was good stuff that you don't usually hear about.
Jon said he had a great sense of humor about all of that. Jason said he really did have a good sense of humor. He said Howard asks the same question about leaving the movie set. Gary said they had such a great experience on the set of Private Parts. He said they're not all like that. He said Danny Goldberg told him that they're not all that big or that fun when they were at the premiere.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they did that thing with Robin asking her who was hotter and then they were going back and forth about Jake's worst features. He said he's not sure why. Jason said he wants to hear an actor talking about their worst feature.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jake should take Robin out on a date. Gary said just because she likes him doesn't mean he likes her back. The caller said she's really into him though. Jason said Robin is a queen but sometimes you have to step outside into reality a bit. He said that he's Jake Fucking Gyllenhaal. Jon said it's Robin Fucking Quivers too though. Jason said he's just trying to be real.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the scene is in the back office when an interview like that kills. He said they do a lot of work back there so this is a reflection on them. Gary said there is a lot of work. He said that they look at each other during the interview and they'll ask how it's going. He said it's a good feeling. Jon said about 15 minutes in they'll talk about how it's going. He said it just kept building today. He said when they were doing the Batman stuff it was great. He said you don't hear that stuff anywhere else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Robin finally got her shot in. He said that Robin was like a teenager for a few minutes. He said that was great for her. He said he thought it was awesome that she got to feel Jake's abs too. He said the thing is that he didn't have anything to do this morning so he got to hang out longer. Gary said he's right about that. He said there was no rush and it was over when it was over. Jon said he said to Gary that he should stay for the news.
Jon said that Mighty Ducks part thing was another great story. Gary said he'd love to know what part he would have had. Jon said he thinks it was Josh Jackson's role. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Jason if he thinks people are going to be using this for a while. Jason said he does. He said just seeing Jeff with his shirt off is enough to keep it. Jon said he got to see Medicated Pete for a couple of years in the office. He said that it is something that's interesting to watch on Periscope. Jon asked Gary who he'd like to see on there. Gary said he'd like to see Hanzi. Jason said he can't listen to Hanzi. He said he'd rather hear Big Foot or Bobo. Jason said when Hanzi stutters he gets uneasy. He said he doesn't like it when Howard riles him up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who he'd like to see on Periscope. The caller said Sour Shoes. Gary said they're all good. Jon said he'd like to see Sour too. He said he thinks Sal uses it and that's an entertaining thing too. Gary said there's no nudity but how do they know? He said that he'd love for Sal to take it to the booths. Jason said they'll flag you and then you're done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this Gyllenhaal is a stud. He said he's only 34. He said dating Robin would be like dating a grandmother. Jon said there is a bit of an age difference. Gary said it would be a good deal for Robin.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the secret menu thing at other fast food places. Jon said the West Coast has the best fast food in the world. He said they have great options out there. He said some of the best burger places are out there. Gary said he didn't know that Jack in the Box still existed. He used to go to them when he was a kid.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said that the Land, Sea, Air got 10 percent, 20 percent went to the McGangBang and in first place was The McKinley Mac.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Jason. They ended the show around 11:50am.
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Jon said he wants Michael's opinion on a lot of stuff but he played a What You Need to Know about today's show first.
After that Jon said Michael is out in L.A. but he's a New York guy. He asked him what he thinks about Sal taking a stand about the city and what's going on with the homeless. Jon asked if he thinks it's going to shit too. Michael said that Times Square is starting to feel like it did years ago. He said you wonder what people really want there. Gary wanted to say something but Michael cut him off saying that it was directed at him. Gary said he used to date a girl who lived in NJ and they used to walk down 42nd to get to the bus terminal. He said it was sketchy to walk there. Jon said it really was. Michael said it was crazy. He asked if he wants it to be like Disneyland. Gary said he's bummed that it's like a strip mall. Jon said the squeegee guys seem to be coming back now. He said they hid that for a long time.
Gary said he used to have a concierge that opened the door for him at the bank. Michael said he's glad they're gone. He said he doesn't feel comfortable with them looming around him. Michael said he likes Uber and the cab drivers are animals. He said that they don't know where they're going and they drive like monkeys. He said they're still gruff and tough. He said he's glad that Uber is doing well. He said either that or civilize the cab drivers. He said they should have breath and deodorant rules too. Gary said it really is the worst.
Gary said he knows a guy who took a cab ride and the guy asked the driver to turn the radio down and the cab driver kicked him out of the cab on the West Side Highway. Gary said the guys in Uber are their own bosses so they do things the best they can. He said the cab drivers are just in it to get as many tabs as possible. Michael said they need some manners. He said they have to take it easy and slow down... and spray themselves down with Lysol.
Jon said that's part of the whole New York experience. Michael said he isn't one of these people who glorifies the old New York. He said it was a scary place but who would go there? He said now you can bring the kids. He said in 1974 when it was like Taxi Driver times you couldn't go to Tompkins Square Park. He said now you can. He said they have to see what de Blasio is going to do.
Gary said Howard, Robin and Fred used to take the subway in and he used to talk about all sorts of crazy stuff he saw. Gary said Howard was the anti-hero and he would move to the other side of the subway car.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Michael is the man. He said he talks about real things unlike the other guests they have on the show. He said he doesn't know who half these guys are. Gary said the guy said he didn't know who he is. Michael said Vince is his guy. He said he doesn't hear people calling in to say they're happy to hear Gary again. Michael said he got up early today and he may have to pay for his own parking. Gary said they validate. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon said he knows no one who can take the amount of shit that Gary has and it's part of his celebrity. He said people love to hear him get abused. He said even the Baba Booey thing was meant as an insult. He said it's so much easier said than done to move on from that. Michael said it's an impressive thing that he can do that. He said he's clapping and he's impressed.
Gary said the only analogy is that they're a big organization now but they were a smaller thing back then. He said it was just Howard, Jackie and Fred. He said Jackie would cackle and Fred would put the pen in his mouth. Gary said those things could go on a ridiculous amount of time. Michael asked if he ever thought about calling him those names. Gary said he has wanted to tell him ''Fuck you'' but he didn't do it. Michael told him to go do it right now. Gary said there isn't a person in there who hasn't thought that about their boss.
Jon said the boss has made a pretty good life for Gary over the past 3 decades. Michael said Gary is living like a king. He said he was at his house. He said he knows how he's living. Gary said his family can't wait for him to come back to the house. Michael said that he can't wait to come back. He said Gary did have some shitty pizza over there though. Gary said it's a local pizza place. Michael said he wants some real food.
Jon got back to the current Howard Stern Show. He said that Paul Rudd told him that he had a choice between Clueless and Halloween 6. He said he did both and they know what happened. Jon asked Michael if he's ever had that kind of situation. Michael said he thinks the Clueless script was good and he knew who was doing that. Michael said he can totally see why he wanted to do that. Michael said he doesn't think there was controversy there. He said agents want to keep you working and busy. He said who knew Paul Rudd was going to be Paul Rudd back then?
Gary asked if Michael ever had a project that worked like that for him. Michael said that the films people didn't see are the small ones. He said the big films he did like Metro didn't do well. He said he did one with Arnold Schwarzenegger and that was disappointing. He said he knew as soon as he was on the set that they weren't going to be what he thought they were. Gary asked if he ever thought one was going to be big and it wasn't. Michael said Beautiful Girls wasn't a big hit and that was good. Gary said he loved that one. Michael said it didn't perform the way they wanted it to. He said that was a good film. He said True Romance wasn't a huge hit but someone mentions something to him about that every day. They went to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Michael is cool sometimes but then he bashes Gary over the food at his house. He asked what the hell that's about. He said he was invited to his house for food. Michael said he had a bunch of people there and he could have spent some money on food and treated people with decency. The caller said he's invited to his home. Michael said fuck that. He said he doesn't want any microwaved pizza.
Jon took a call from a guy who said maybe if he were more of a celebrity he'd treat him better. Michael said this guy is from Iowa so he's not going to give him any credit. The caller said he was kind of cool when he was a skinhead in that show. Michael said he's nothing.
Gary said he was going to defend Michael because he used to think he was a dick. He said Michael is what Jackie used to call the quintessential ball breaker. He said if he ignores you then you're a dick. He said he likes you if he breaks his balls. Gary said he didn't get that he was fucking around and he used to think he was an asshole. He said he totally gets him now. Michael asked if he's supposed to be flattered by this shit. Jon said he's never seen more back and forth left and right before.
Michael said that he was friend with the Jesus Twins and they broke Gary's balls. He said he's just doing the same thing. He said he came to do the show with Ben Stiller once and he brought them with him on the show. He said that was their last appearance. Gary said he remembers their song being so bad and biting his lip to keep from laughing. Michael said they were so unique though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he remembers the time Gary got upset with Howard over the ice cream truck thing. He said Gary was giving Howard a hard time about him sounding like his dad and that's when he went off on him.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard has started to sound more and more like his father. Gary said in some ways. Michael said Howard doesn't seem to have as much of a chip on his shoulders as he used to. He said the interviews he has done have been mastered. He said that he can make anybody seem interesting in an interview. He said he's one of the best, if not the best, interviewer out there. Jon said that there are times when you didn't want to have the wrath of Howard Stern but now it's not part of his get up. He said in the 90s you didn't want that wrath. Gary said in the 90s Howard was very angry. He said he wouldn't say he's not angry now but they were all angry back then. Jon said that wrath still comes out once in a while but not as much as it used to. He said that's part of what made him what he is now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had the honor of running into Matthew Berry and he talked to him about the fantasy league. He asked Michael what he'll be doing. Michael said he's going to fucking annihilate them. He said he's taking down Berry. He said he's the people's champion. Gary said he loved the emergency podcast he did when he got beaten by ''the monkey'' Gary Dell'Abate.
Michael asked if the pot is going to be $400 again this year. Gary said he has talked to some people about getting a sponsor. Gary said he goes to the sales people and said they have this opportunity to get sponsors. Michael said Gary can get all of these other sponsors but not for this league. Michael said he's going to bury Berry. He said Gary won by luck last year. Gary said it's always luck.
Gary said Berry said this is the big one because everyone knows about it. Michael said that means nothing. He said last year was his first year in a fantasy league. He said he knew nothing. Gary said his son is the one who helped him come in second. Michael said that it's all Rapaport. He said it's about the family. He said it doesn't make a fucking difference.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and all of that stuff. He gave Michael some plugs for a new TV show called Public Morals on TNT that he'll be in soon. They ended the show a short time later. Michael said he thought they were doing this for an hour. Jon said he's getting the heave ho from his producer over there. Michael said this is a real disappointment once again. They ended the show around 11:45am.
Jon said he doesn't think that list ends. He asked who Gary wouldn't want to see. Gary said he thinks his and Jon's would be boring. He said maybe it would be funny to see Jon taking the condiments off his lunch. Jon said he's fascinated by what people are up to. Erica said she thinks everyone is equally bad at it. She said that once someone figures out how to do it they'll launch into super stardom. Jon said he agrees. He said once someone masters it someone will jump onto it.
Gary asked what that mastery is. He said he isn't sure what that is. He asked what has driven every industry in the past 60 years. Jon said porn. Gary said that's it. He said that's what will make this thing big.
Jon said they played the Miss USA pageant clips today. He said some of those are very entertaining. Gary said they should do a documentary about the coaching of the girls before these pageants. He said they say ''that's a good question'' and then they say ''well, there's a good side and a bad side'' and that kills some time. He said there's a movie called ''Smile'' that's all about that kind of thing. He said they should just bring the hot girl out in the bikini and just give her the award. Erica said that if they can answer it then it should be their talent.
Gary said he thinks the whole pageant thing is outdated. He said anyone smart isn't going to want to be involved in it. Gary said almost no one saw the show. He said he's not even sure where it aired. Jon wasn't sure either. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said he wants to talk about the interview Howard did with Jake Gyllenhaal. He said it turned out to be a lot of fun. Gary said that they sound like they're sitting around the living room. He said the last 30 minutes of the interview was like that. Jon said he started acting at a very young age. So did Erica. Erica said she started in radio when she was 10 years old. She said she acted with Allison Janney and Martin Sheen. Jon asked if she knew how big of a deal that was. Erica said Allison wasn't very famous then. She said she was so nice to her and taught her how to do a vocal warm up. Jon said Jake's Parents were very restrictive about what he could and couldn't do. Jon said his parents kept him from doing The Mighty Ducks. Erica said her mom was the opposite. She said that she was reluctant to audition for things. She said she was going to audition for a show called Zoom and she thought she was too good for that. Her mom thought it would be a big opportunity for her but she refused to do it. Jon asked what it was about the show that she didn't like. Erica said that she thought it played down to kids and it wasn't that smart. She said she might be a superstar if she listened to her mom. Erica said she probably did her best acting back then when she did the Prairie Home Companion.
Gary asked Erica about doing the movie ''Black Dick.'' She said that was a favor for a friend. Gary said he thought that it was going to be something other than it was. She said that she plays the girlfriend who has a big orgasm. She said it was a comedy. Jon said he didn't think it was a dramatic piece.
Jon said Howard talked to Jake about his Bar Mitzvah that was held at a homeless shelter. He said he's still not sure how it worked. He said he got lost when he was talking about the party. He wasn't sure if it was before or after serving the homeless. Gary said he wasn't sure either. Jon said it sounded like his parents were trying to keep him humble. He said it sounds like both the kids have good heads on their shoulders after being in the business. Erica said it seemed like his parents were trying to keep him out of the business.
Jon said Jake was really creepy in Nightcrawler. He said he turns around and then does Southpaw and he looks like a boxer. Gary said he shot Everest in between those movies too. He said Jake said he got fat during that shoot.
Jon said sometimes Robin is clearly smitten with guests and she was taken by Jake. Gary said they have to point that out in the future more. He said she breaks their balls over that pretty bad when it happens to them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought that interview was one of the best he's heard. He said a friend was wondering why they don't get a guest to sit in for a couple of days. Gary said he would like to leave it at that. He said they can have him back in 6 months or a year and it'll be special again. He said that George Takei is something special when he comes in. He said he thinks Jimmy Kimmel is really interesting for a couple of days too. He said he likes to keep special guests special and not over use them.
Jon said that he's sure when George comes in next they'll have a ton to talk about. Gary said that play isn't coming until the fall. Jon said it's not that far off.
Gary said there's a documentary out called ''Do I Sound Gay'' that sounds really funny. He said that George is in that movie. He asked if Jon thinks he sounds gay. Jon said he doesn't. He said he doesn't seem to have that stereotypical gay voice. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who thanked them for the History of Howard Stern that they ran recently. He said it was great to catch up. Gary said that he got so much feedback about that. He said they were telling him that it was amazing. He said people seemed to love it. The caller said it was amazing that they had their broadcasting wires cut in Cleveland. Jon said that's one of the crazier stories.
Jon asked Gary if he misses the funerals. Gary said they were fun. He said the Cleveland funeral was great. He said they were given an open checkbook for that. He said they brought everyone they could out there. He said it was insane and fun. He said the work was hard but it was fun. He said the L.A. funeral was great too and he does miss them.
Jon said Underdog Lady is another long time guest and she seems to be smitten with Shuli. Gary said he doesn't think anyone has ever gotten so much play on the show without being on the show. He said Shuli is like the Clark Kent guy and he's the only one who can speak to her.
Jon asked if Shuli could get her to come in. Gary said there's too much water under the bridge. He said that Stuttering John got punched by her once on the show. That's how upset she got with a question he asked. Jon said he'd love to see Underdog dance in one of those parades.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thought Jake was a little hard to get answers out of and he was joking about his answers too much. Jon asked what he was joking about. She said she can't remember exactly but it seemed like it did it a few times. She said it seems to throw Howard off a little bit. Gary said he doesn't think Howard was put off at all. He said that not every guest answers every question. He said he thinks that Jake answered just about everything. The caller said she thought it was a great interview either way.
Jon said you don't have to answer everything and it depends on how you roll with it. Jon said one thing they didn't talk about was Maggie Gyllenhaal and how she talked about how competitive they are. Jon said they are both successful actors and the sibling rivalry is there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she doesn't know how she feels about Underdog Lady. She said she comes to the parade every year in her town and she takes her craft so seriously. Jon asked how people react to her. The caller said it's interesting. She said the little kids don't know what to think. She said she heard some people say ''Oh, that's Underdog Lady from the Stern Show.'' She said that some people just see her every year and take it. She said it's such a trip to see. She said she's going to video tape it next year and send it to the show. Erica said she should Periscope it. Jon said that's a great idea.
Gary said Underdog has been doing that longer than they've known her. He said she's going to keep doing it even if the show goes away.
Jon asked Rahsaan about the results of the poll today. Rahsaan said that Sal and Richard both got 30 percent. He said they tied for the top spot. JD got 21 percent and then it was Ronnie and Benjy. Jon said he thinks he would have voted for Ronnie. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:50am.