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Howard started the show talking about the Tony Awards which were on last night. Howard said he tried to watch some of it. He said he records it and fast forwards through it. He said he thinks sometimes during a musical they make up a song during the show. Robin said she tuned in and saw some little girl singing. Howard had a clip of the girl she was talking about. Howard said they talk the song. He said that you can change the lines in it if you're doing that. Howard did some of that himself. He said it's so funny. He said every song is the same.
Howard said his kids were always into the show tunes. He said the songs just don't seem real to him. Howard played a clip of a fake show tune where someone was singing about how they do that. Howard said they did a revival of The King and I. He said there were good songs in some plays. Robin said the songs they're playing are never sung anywhere else. Howard played another song and said he thinks this woman is just making it up as she goes along.
Howard did more of his show tune singing as he made up lyrics about doing the radio show on a Monday morning. Howard sang to Robin about the show starting and saying they have to get to work. They're not there to play. They're there to do a show today. Fred had music playing behind Howard as he sang about how it was raining and how they might have a little bit of snow. He sang about how snow and rain has got him down. He said he knows they can brighten people's days with a laugh. Robin asked why in the world anyone would want to listen to that.
Howard continued to sing and asked where George Takei is. He said he claims to be their announcer but he's off being gay. Howard sang about Ronnie's limo taking him to work and sometimes in the snow. Howard sang about Robin preparing for her news and Benjy doing god knows what. He sang about Fred hitting the buttons and making people laugh. He sang about Gary producing and where's Jason? He sang about Scott the Engineer smelling like a cigarette and JD eating Filet-O-Fish right now.
Howard played more from the Tony Awards and goofed on the awful songs they were singing. Howard said he has to put some grunts into his songs. Fred played his music again and Howard sang about Sal and Richard licking each other's balls and made a grunting sound.
Howard played more of the Tony Awards stuff and said he should have written a play. Robin said the time is right for someone to write the Caitlyn Jenner story. Howard started singing about Bruce Jenner becoming Caitlyn. It started out kind of slow and somber. Howard sang about Bruce wanting breasts and a vagina. Howard worked Robin's Cryotherapy into that song. Howard was throwing in a line from one of the Tony Awards songs that was just nonsense like ''Did-it-did-it-did-it-did-it-doo...'' Howard and Fred worked together making the music more cheerful as Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn. Howard had Caitlyn singing about getting a pap smear and going from his girl voice to his man voice. He sang about being prettier than his wife Kris and how he has to make sure he wipes from front to back.
Robin said she's giving him a standing ovation. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they had a reporter outside the Tony Awards. He said they asked people how they feel about Howard Stern replacing Bradley Cooper as the Elephant Man. Howard played the clip and Shuli was the one asking the questions. Some people thought it was a great replacement. Howard said only one person said he shouldn't do it.
Howard played another clip of people talking about why there are no black people at the Tony Awards. Howard said that maybe they were at the Hot 97 Summer Jam concert. Howard read about how cops had bottles thrown at them by the crowd. Howard said the concert was sold out and some people came out and didn't have tickets and tried to crash the concert. Howard read about how people were being tear gassed as they tried to break into the concert.
Howard asked who was at the concert. Robin said Chris Brown and some others. Howard said he's not shocked that a Chris Brown concert would get violent. Howard said people get passionate about shitty music. That's what he's learned. Robin said just because he doesn't like it doesn't mean it's shitty. Howard said he's pretty sure it is shitty.
Howard said this guy did some wild stuff. He said he didn't know he moved to Madison, Wisconsin. Bill said he used to live in Chicago. Howard said this guy pushed 5 VC children into a fire. He said they had grenades on them. Howard said this guy is no pussy. He said he's a real man. Bill thanked Howard for all of the times they were on the boat. Howard said he knows what he's going to talk about. Howard said they followed a boat of VC. He said they saw a dead elephant on the road. He said Bill cut out the insides and they got inside it and walked into a village as the elephant. Howard said it was a Trojan Horse but it was an elephant. Howard said they didn't see it coming. Howard said they called Bill ''Kill Bill.'' Howard said that people don't know who this guy is now.
Howard said he has another story about Bill. Howard asked how many years it's been. Bill said it's been like 40. Howard said that Bill cut a guy's head off and used his head as a soup bowl. Howard said that he manages property now but he used to manage cutting people up. Howard said that they have to get together again and get Cyanide Sam back too. Howard asked if he still has the money purse he made out of a kidney. Bill said he does. He said that he got that back from his wife in the divorce.
Howard said he has to get going. He let Bill go. Howard said that brings him right back. He said he remembers Bill. Robin said she's glad that they were able to hook up. Howard said when he got back in that elephant he couldn't believe it. Howard said that he once made a fanny pack out of an actual fanny. Howard said he gave that purse to his wife too. Howard said he was a 15 year old soldier back in 1969. Howard said he has to take a break after that.
Howard said that Mick the Nerd is going to stop by. Robin didn't remember who that was. Howard played a clip that they created using clips of Mick the Nerd. Howard played some audio of Mick talking to some people at a convention. Howard said he can't wait to meet him. He said he's looking forward to seeing what he looks like. Howard said that he must look like a nerd. Howard said he thinks he's coming in with Wolfie since Wolfie discovered him.
Howard said Mick claims that he looks like the Unabomber. Howard said that JD is cut from the same cloth. Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and they had Abby Elliott on the show. Howard said JD has a crush on her. He said you'd think that he'd get better with girls now that he has a girlfriend. Howard asked JD what he talks to Abby about on Twitter. JD said it's just bullshit. He said that he hasn't talked to her in months. Howard asked what he likes about her so much. JD said she's beautiful and funny. Howard said he's not sure which one she is. Robin said she was on from 2008 to 2012. Howard asked what she's doing now. JD said she's on some Bravo show.
Howard asked JD why he called in as Fabio on the Wrap Up Show. JD explained to him why he did that. Howard played a clip from Wrap Up where JD called in as Fabio and wasn't able to get out his words. Howard saw a picture of her and she's really cute. Howard said she must be out of his league. JD said he knows. Howard asked if she is out of his league. JD said he couldn't get her before and he can't get her now. Howard asked what he was trying to say when he called. JD said Gary said that he was stalking her but he was trying to say that he wasn't stalking her. He said he just got caught behind her one day. He said he starts laughing and can't say that. Howard said even that was fucked up. Howard said you tune out when he starts talking. Robin said she's not getting any of that.
Howard said they were out at some event and they asked people what they think we should do with Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said one guy said we should kill him. Howard said that Bruce Jenner is courageous for coming out with this. Howard said that he came out to much ridicule and shame. Howard said it must be really difficult to deal with. Howard said he's not sure he could do that.
Howard played a clip of one of their guys asking people about transgender people and one guy said that they should be extinct. Howard said Bruce is brave for doing that. Howard said he's not as brave as a soldier. Howard said the bravest people on the planet are the people who fight for this country. The caller agreed. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said they were at the Belmont Stakes and interviewing people there. Howard said a lot of kids were getting drunk there. Howard played some clips of some people talking about getting drunk there. Howard said Memet was out there doing the interviews and he got hit in the face with a beer can. Howard played a clip of him talking to some people when he got hit. The sound of the can hitting him was pretty loud. Howard asked Memet why the guy did that. Howard said it's so fucked up when people do something like that. Robin wondered why they are so hostile.
Robin said she was talking to a friend and he said that this Caitlyn thing is disgusting. Robin said she told the guy that it's not even happening to him. Howard said it's not impacting the guy at all. Robin said this person doesn't know what Bruce has been through. Howard said he did after watching that show. Robin said she did too. Robin said they said it couldn't be done but American Pharoah did it.
Gary came in and told a story about how Scott the Engineer's fingers are yellow and brown again. Howard said his fingers got yellowish. Gary said his never did. Gary said that might be from smoking it down to the filter and he never did that. He said Scott's thumb is yellow. Howard said he can't believe Scott is smoking.
Gary said that yellow is what's in his lungs. Howard had Fred play ''Brown Fingers'' which is an old song parody about Scott the Engineer. Howard laughed through the song. It went on too long for him so he cut it off.
Howard said Scott had quit smoking and then he found out he had COPD. Then he started smoking again. Howard said they knew enough not to throw out that song. Howard said they're not idiots. Howard said Scott will never quit smoking. Howard said he doesn't stop smoking that cigarette until his fingers are smoking. They went to break after that.
Howard played a bit about Robin's Cryotherapy. They had a guy talking about that as if she were on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or something like that. Howard had a song parody about Robin too. Howard said that was Eli Braden.
Howard said that Wolfie found this guy who he calls Mick the Nerd at a convention that he went to. Howard said he has all of the criteria for a Wack Packer. Howard said the guy is from Jersey. Howard said they discovered that he has an incredible ability to understand Comic Books. Howard played a clip of Mick talking about comic book characters with Wolfie. Howard said that he's pretty good. Robin said he must have spent all of his time with comic books. Howard said he knows it all.
Howard played a clip of Mick naming as many bad movies as he could in a minute. Mick ran down a whole list of movies that he didn't like. Howard said that's what you're capable of when vagina doesn't get in your way.
Howard had Mick come in after that. Howard said he makes it clear that he's a nerd and not a geek or a dweeb. Howard said he's not a bad looking dude. Robin said he has a bushy beard. Howard said he might want to trim it if he wants chicks. Mick said he doesn't care. Howard asked if he lives in the basement. He said he has his own room in his parent's house. Howard said he looks a little nerdy but not that nerdy. He said he's not a bad looking guy. Howard asked if he said he likes black women with big tits. Mick said generally yes. Howard had him look over at Robin. Mick laughed.
Mick said he's good at talking to women but hitting on them is weird. He said he's 24 and he's a virgin. Howard said he thinks Robin could make him a man. Howard said he wouldn't be the weirdest she's dated. Robin said he'd be near the top.
Howard said Wolfie is there too. Howard said hi to him. Howard said Mick has a lot of knowledge about comic books. Mick said he goes to a lot of web sites to read about that stuff. He named a bunch of the sites he goes to. Howard said the thing today is there are so many comic book companies. He said back in the day it was DC and Marvel. Howard said now there are a ton.
Howard asked Mick about what he does at Comic-Con. Mick said you talk and converse with the other people there. Robin asked what he does for work. He said he works for his parents helping them out around the house. He said he is looking for a job though. He said it's hard to find something. Howard said he could work at a store. Mick said he has applied to a bunch of places but he hasn't gotten hired.
Howard said he should work in computer stuff. Howard said maybe he's too weird in job interviews. Mick said that he is good in Adobe products but now they charge per year and it's too much. Mick said that the whole application process is a whole thing.
Wolfie said Mick had a job for a day. Mick said it was photography but they had him doing paperwork. Howard said so what. Mick said that it was at a sportography thing where they have kids taking pictures in sports poses. He said that it just didn't work out. Mick said he crashed his car on the way to work too so he was late.
Howard asked if his parents are on his ass all day. Mick said they're really cool actually. He said that he has a brother an two sisters who basically hate each other. Howard asked if he feels deflated because he's at home and his parents are proud of them. Mick said that pretty much.
Howard asked what he goes to Comic-Con dressed as. Mick said he has to pick someone in a beard and there aren't a lot of characters with beards.
Wolfie told him to talk about the shaving process. Mick said that he shaves his beard and hair once a year and starts anew. Howard said that he's been growing it since January then. Mick said that's right. He said he shaves once a year at the start of the year.
Howard asked what he suffers from. Mick said he has Asperger and OCD. Howard said that Asperger syndrome is the worst name for a disease.
Howard asked Mick what he does when he wakes up. Mick said he does stuff around the house like gardening and cleaning. He said that he pulls weeds and waters. Howard asked if he is told what to do around the house. Mick said he is. He said he does his own laundry. Howard asked how many hours he has to work. Mick said it's maybe 3 hours. Th rest of the day is just fun. He said he gets $100 to use every 3 weeks. Howard said that's a tight budget. Robin said he can't take girls out on that budget.
Howard asked Mick what his favorite comics are. Mick said he likes Preacher. Howard asked about this world he lives in and why he doesn't write his own comic. Mick said he is actually. He said it's called Stuff World. Howard asked how close he's come to getting pussy. Mick made some noises and didn't really answer. Howard said that he completely freaked out. Mick said he doesn't know. He said he talks to girls. He said that he has kissed a girl but that was a middle aged woman when he was a teenager. He said he was at Voodoo Fest at the time. He said he thought she was his age but she was a lot older. Howard asked if she was hot. Mick said she was. He said then she cut in front of him in line. Howard said she used him. Mick said she did.
Howard said Wolfie told him he kissed a dude once. Mick said he was 8 years old at the time. Howard said he must have gotten tons of shit growing up. Mick said he did. He said he was one of the guys before puberty but then everything went haywire.
Robin asked how kissing a boy stopped bullying. Mick said a kid told him that kissing guys was cool. He said that guy was the class bully. He said that his class had a gay bully. He said that may have stated the mass homophobia in his class. He said that the kiss was just on the cheek anyway. Howard said he's not gay then.
Howard asked who Mick thinks is the hottest chick in Hollywood. Mick said Allison Brie from Community is hot. Howard asked if he watches Game of Thrones. Mick said he's still working on the first book. Howard said Wolfie found a gold mine.
Gary said they have some super hard trivia for him. He asked Mick some questions about Batman's parents being killed and who did that. The answer was Joe Chill. Howard didn't even know that. Gary asked about some other stuff and Mick had answers for that stuff. Gary asked a hard one that Mick didn't know though. Howard told Gary to give him one more. Gary asked another question that Howard tried answering. Howard asked if Gary's bad breath is a super power. Mick laughed.
Gary said that he was talking to Mick about gardening and he told him that he moved a gopher to get it away from the garden and that's not legal. Howard asked what kind of things he likes to play in video games. Mick talked about the games he likes to play. He said he likes some Nintendo games and racing games on there.
Wolfie had Mick name as many super heroes and their nemesis as he could in 30 seconds. Mick rambled off a bunch of them as the time was ticking down. Then he stopped and said he's getting tired.
Howard asked if he exercises at all. Mick said he does. He said he bikes and walks. Howard asked if he is hung up on the girl thing or is he content. Mick said he's content. He described himself as a lethargic romantic. Howard asked if he jerks off a lot. Mick said that's what he tends to do. Howard said he seems to love life. Mick said yeah.
Howard asked if he has any friends. Mick said he has a bunch but they're spread out across the state. He said they're High School friends who moved away from the area. He said he has friends like Tyler and Tom. He said one moved to North Carolina and the other one is still in the area.
Robin asked if the friends are into comics and video games. Mick said they are into video games. Howard said he really hasn't even kissed a girl. He did kiss that one woman. Howard said he should be able to get a chick. He said if JD can then Mick should be able to. Howard said he might be able to hook him up with JD's girlfriend. Howard said if he's on enough he might be able to do that.
Howard asked JD if he knows any girls that he could hook this guy up with. JD came in and said he doesn't know any girls for him. He said his girlfriend is into Dr. Who so maybe she has friends who are into that. Mick said he likes Dr. Who. He said he's trying to get into Dark Shadows too. Howard said JD should be friends with Mick. Howard said he's into movies and video games. JD said he doesn't have a Nintendo. He said he has a PS4 and an Xbox One. Mick said he's into the older Nintendo stuff. Howard asked if he could play him on his Xbox. Mick said he could probably play him on his friend's Xbox. JD said he hardly plays. JD said he's been playing MLB The Show. Mick said he's not into sports games that much. He said that they're all pretty much the same. He said they mess with the mechanics of the game for no reason every year.
Howard said that Mick may be cooler than JD. Mick said he's the coolest. Howard asked him what the difference is between Star Trek Enterprise and Battlestar Galactica. Mick didn't know that much about the Galactica. He wasn't into that like he was with Star Trek. Howard and Mick spent a minute talking about that. Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said he has no idea what they're talking about. Howard said this guy JD collects spoons. JD said not anymore.
Howard asked Mick Star Wars or Star Trek. Mick said he gets that one a lot. He said there are a lot of factors in there. He said you have the first 3 Star Wars and there are good Star Trek things too. He said that you can find good in both.
Howard asked about Hulk or Superman. Mick picked Superman. Mick talked about the Hulk and what he likes and dislikes about that comic. He had a lot of details about that.
Howard asked if Mick ever goes online for girls. Mick said no. Howard said JD does. JD said he does not. Howard said he has. JD said he's leaving. Howard wanted to ask Mick what he would do if he went online with a chick and paid her to talk to him. He asked if he would ever have a girl put peanut butter on her pussy and have her dog lick it off. Mick said that seems like an odd thing to have a dog do. Howard said that JD did that. JD said that when you're in a depraved state of mind sometimes you do weird stuff.
Mick said he was reading about what guys do with women online. He said some men give a lot of money to do a financial domination thing. He said he was reading about fetishes when he discovered that.
Howard told Mick a story about some porn he watched and asked Mick if he's into two girls together and things like that. Mick said he likes that. He also likes black women with big tits. Howard asked who he likes that matches that description. Mick was having a hard time coming up with an answer. Howard asked about Halle Berry. Mick said he likes her. JD threw in Wendy Williams. Howard said she has gigantic tits. Mick wasn't familiar with her.
Howard asked if Mick has ever been to a strip club. Mick hasn't. Howard said that he should go to one with Ronnie. Mick said that he thought about going to a burlesque show but they found out the girls weren't going to be topless so they said ''fuck this'' and didn't go.
Wolfie said Mick told him that if a stripper wanted to fuck him one night he wouldn't do it. He wants something long term so he's waiting for the right person. Howard asked if he would fuck Oprah. Mick said he would but then what would they talk about?
Wolfie said Mick has said he likes to watch consensual sex in porn. Mick said there's a lot of rape out there and he doesn't like that. He said he likes to jerk off to comic book characters that are copyrighted.
Howard said he's seen Mick hitting on girls at the conventions. Howard said he's kind of confrontational. Howard asked if he likes the name Mick the Nerd. Mick said he's fine with that. Howard said he has his own comics and a website. Mick said the site is under massive construction. You can check it out at Stuffworld.net
Gary came in and showed a picture of woman who wants Mick to do some web site work for her. She was hot according to Howard.
Wolfie said one name they were thinking of for Mick is Autistic Mick. Howard said that's good. He said maybe Asperger Mick would work.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that this guy is going to get exploited and Howard is going to make money off of him and he'll never get paid. Howard said he does all of this stuff for Hanzi and all he does is complain.
Hanzi said Howard won't even let him in the studio. Howard said he has to ask for his parents permission. Howard said Mick's parents were okay with him. Howard said Hanzi needs a chaperone. Hanzi said he has the microchip that he follows him with.
Mick has a theory about reptiles coming to this world and changing the atmosphere. Mick said that's a childhood dream he has. He said he wants to kill them with a ray gun. He said he'd steal theirs if they have them.
Howard asked Hanzi what he thinks of that conspiracy. Hanzi said they're called Jews. He cracked himself up. Howard said he's such an asshole.
Howard said he's going with Asperger Mick. He said that he likes that. Howard gave him some plugs for his web site. He gave a DeviantArt.com address but it didn't work for me. Howard said it was nice meeting Mick. Wolfie said you can find him at @ThisIsWolfie on twitter. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that their old friend Dr. Ruth has reemerged and he's excited to talk to her again. Howard said she's 87 years old and in fabulous shape. Howard said she's in amazing shape. Ruth said she really is. Howard said there are many men who don't function well but she moves like a young person. Howard asked what she attributes it to. Ruth said on a serious note she's very fortunate. She said she sleeps for 8 hours and gets up at the crack of dawn. Howard asked if she naps. Ruth said she doesn't have time to nap. She said that she is always moving too. She said she's not sedentary.
Howard said sitting around and not doing anything is what slows you down. Ruth said she's looking for a guy who can walk and talk. Howard asked how long it's been since her husband died. She said it's 16 years already.
Howard asked Ruth what her definition of love is. Ruth had a theory on that and what that's all about. Howard said the big question on everyone's mind is about meeting someone and how that feeling you have at first disappears. Howard asked how you know you're in love. Ruth said you have to find new interests if you're bored. She said that you have to stay with the person and try to make it work. Ruth said Howard could be a good psychologist. She said he asks all of the right questions.
Ruth said that Howard has millions of listeners. She said that you have to use fantasies. She said that women can fantasize about football teams but you have to keep your mouth shut. She said you don't tell your lover that you're thinking about someone else. Howard said it's okay to fantasize but don't act it out.
Howard said some people throw in the towel when they get bored in a relationship. Ruth said that you have built the foundation of a relationship that could last a lifetime. Howard said Ruth got out of her second marriage because of ''intellectual boredom.'' Howard asked if she wasn't mature enough or was it the right move. Ruth said the first marriage was the right one. She said that she wouldn't be Dr. Ruth without Walter.
Howard said Ruth has been through a lot and she's had a wild life. Howard said she had a very sad life. Howard said he lost her parents in the holocaust. Ruth said she lost everybody. Howard said she was a little girl. She was 10 years old. Howard said she was spared but her parents disappeared. Howard said she didn't know what happened to her parents. Howard said she has such a positive attitude even after all of that. Howard said he's not sure he could leave the house if that happened to him. Howard said that the world is such an unsafe place he'd never leave.
Ruth said she was in Frankfurt for the first 10 years of her life. She said that her grandmother had nothing to do but take care of her. She said she was very religious. Ruth said the first years of her life she was in a loving household. She said that's what helped her. She said that's why she wrote this book ''The Doctor Is In: Dr. Ruth on Love, Life, and Joie de Vivre''. She said that she was spared and 1.5 million children were killed in the holocaust. Howard asked if those first 10 years made her what she is. She said yes.
Howard said Ruth wasn't able to go to school and she eventually became a sniper. Howard said that he's a great admirer of what she did. Ruth said she was able to put 5 bullets in the red circle. Ruth said she was injured in an explosion. She said that some of the girls next to her were killed. Howard said she has seen so much of these horrible things. Ruth said that she went to a therapist when she did her first Autobiography. She said she had the letters that she still got until 1941. She said that she is very grateful to the Allies. She said that if they had not entered World War II she would not be alive. Howard asked if she remembers when they came in and took over. Ruth said she remembers hearing about it.
Howard said on D-day these guys would come in and have bullets flying in their face. Howard said they invaded and they won. Ruth said they don't give them enough credit. She said that she wants to talk about her book now. Howard said they're talking about her life first.
Ruth told Howard that after the war she thought everyone was going to work together and get past all of that. She said she's very sad that the world is still the way it is. Ruth said that she was in Israel this year and gave a lecture over there. Howard asked if she was scared. She said not this year. She said last year she was. Ruth said she prays there will be peace over there. She said she is afraid that Iran will get nukes. Ruth said she doesn't talk politics. Ruth said she doesn't do politics but she did just get kissed yesterday by President Clinton. She said she got kissed on both cheeks. Howard said she'd better be careful with him. Ruth said she was at the Belmont Stakes. She said it was fantastic. She said this is what America is all about. She said the weather was fantastic and it was great being there.
Howard said Ruth lost her virginity at 17 and she didn't use birth control. She never got pregnant though. Ruth said she didn't know about birth control. Ruth said the guy was a soldier in uniform in a Jewish Brigade in the British army. Howard said this guy came along and she was anxious to lose her virginity. Ruth said that she smiles when she thinks about it. She said the stars were twinkling and the skies were amazing. Howard said she grew up in a time when people didn't do that kind of thing. Ruth said she may have initiated it. She said she isn't saying she gave it. She said she knew the guy liked her. She said he kissed beautifully. She said that she can feel those caresses while talking about it. Howard asked if she talked to him after that. She said she kept in touch and even his wife knew about it.
Howard said a male nurse took her and stuck her in a book shelf to save her once. Ruth said that the room was full of Israeli soldiers. Ruth said she made believe that she couldn't eat. She said her feet were hurting and the nurse had to come and feed her 3 times a day. She said that when there was peace she said he had to get her into fresh air. She said that he carried her around and brought her back. She said that she was sleeping on a book shelf because there were no beds available. She said that she was short enough to fit there.
Howard said Ruth would say she's lived a blessed life. Howard said she was out giving a lecture somewhere. She said she was doing that for some broadcasters. She said that she was giving a sex talk to them. She said this was in 1980. She said that they should have a program on the air. Ruth said she never thought she could do radio. She wanted to be a consultant. She said that she never thought she'd be on the air. Howard said a woman from WYNY found her and thought she would be good on the radio. Betty Ilem was her name. Ruth asked why he wasn't on her show. Howard said he may have been too young.
Howard said here hasn't been a person since Ruth who has come along and done what she does. Howard said they tried but no one could equal her success. Howard said people still think of Dr. Ruth. Ruth said she was very well trained. Howard said he thinks in schools they should teach the type of advice she gives. Howard said people don't know how to relate to one another. Howard said that we don't talk about this stuff. Howard said that he got married young at 23 and he didn't know anything. Ruth said people are going to lose the ability of conversation with their phones in their hands all the time. She said that they have to look into each other's eyes when they talk. Robin asked if that's a lost art. Ruth said it is. She said that Howard and Robin have an obligation to make sure they talk.
Howard said no one ever sat him down and talked to him about sex. Howard said no one told him that a woman could be a great companion. Howard said that he didn't get it. Ruth said parents have to talk to their kids, especially these days. Howard said this is why people have to get her book.
Howard asked if she wrote so many books because she had to stay on a book shelf in the hospital. Ruth laughed. She said that she did the book with this guy Pierre Lehu who Howard is going to meet soon. Howard asked how many books she's written. She said 36.
Howard asked Ruth if she has all of her books in her office. Ruth said that she does. She said that they redid her apartment for TV. She said that she does have all of the books in there.
Howard asked Ruth about Caitlyn Jenner. Ruth said ''Next question.'' She said she doesn't speculate. She said that even in those days when two men or two women walked into her office she treated them with respect. She said that even today they don't know the reason for homosexuality or heterosexuality. She said that we have the best scientific data but we still don't know. Howard asked if she has a homosexual man come in to talk to her then she'll talk to him like a regular patient. Ruth said that if she has a premature ejaculator then she'll send the guy to another doctor to make sure things are okay. Ruth said that premature ejaculation is something she can help with. She said you need a few sessions at home. She said it won't work in the studio.
Howard asked what would happen if someone came to her and said they were into bestiality. Ruth said she would say she's not a veterinarian and turn them away. Ruth said that she did read 50 Shades of Grey. She said that she wanted to know about what it was about. She said that it's something unusual so that's why it was so popular. Ruth said she's not into S&M but some women get turned on by that. Howard said he thinks women like to read about it but may not be into it.
Ruth asked Howard to talk about her book. Howard gave her a plug for ''The Doctor Is In: Dr. Ruth on Love, Life, and Joie de Vivre'' and talked about how much she's been through in her life. Howard said she took a job at Planned Parenthood in Harlem and she made a speech and got recognized and got her own show.
Howard said that there are some people on his staff who are very strange sexually. Howard said one guy used to go online with girls and had a girl put peanut butter on her vagina and had her dog lick it off. Ruth said ''next question!''
Howard asked what the book will teach him. Ruth said it's a wonderful book. Howard said he feels that we don't get enough information in school today. Howard said they should teach it. Howard said her book is important. Howard said as a young man no one discussed it with him. He said that they didn't talk about the value and the love and all of that. Ruth said that Sigmund Freud was sexually illiterate. She said he was a genius but he didn't understand sexuality. She said that he did not know.
Howard asked Ruth what a wife should tell her man. Howard said if a wife just wants to bang and not give oral then the guy should say that's enough. Robin asked if the guy should say he likes a blow job once in a while. Ruth said that they can negotiate. She said that you can use fantasy and think about other women being with you. Ruth said that you should negotiate a little bit if they want different things.
Howard asked Ruth if a guy masturbates but he's married is that an issue. Ruth said if the woman wants more sex than him and he's tired from working then she tells him you don't need an erection. She said that she can use a vibrator. She said that he can finish her off. She said if he wants more then it only takes 2 minutes. She said people are not Siamese Twins. She said that they want different things. Howard said maybe a woman should write down that she has to give the guy an orgasm. Ruth said you set aside 2 minutes to give the man an orgasm.
Robin asked about sex addiction and what Ruth thinks about that. Ruth said that when pornography involves violence or children then it's a problem. She said that it's fine any other time. Ruth said masturbation is fine but only if it's not masturbation alone all the time.
Howard said she has a lot of good advice. Howard gave Ruth another plug for her book and said that it's out everywhere. Howard said she does not believe in friends with Benefits either. Howard said that she thinks it's wrong. Ruth said that he's brilliant. Ruth said that in our culture we want to have a relationship. Robin asked about between relationships. Ruth said that's when you masturbate. Howard wrapped up with Ruth and gave her some more plugs. Howard said this is her 37th book. Robin said that they have to find Ruth a man. Ruth said he has to be like Howard but without the language he uses. Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin said Ruth felt it was her duty to have a good life because so many she knew didn't get to do that. Robin said she had this incredible spirit too. Robin said she also said that she was afraid in Israel last year but not this year. Howard said it was pretty amazing.
Howard said not everyone gets to make that choice. Robin said there's always a choice. Howard said she's amazing. Fred played her news music while they were talking about that.
Howard said they have a new phony phone call they made with Jen Kirkman while she was there. Howard played the call and they called a liquor store asking how to open a bottle of champagne. Sal ends up hitting Jen in the face with the cork. Jen gets knocked out and says there's a strange man in her house. The woman tells her that's her husband. Sal ends up hitting her in the eye again with a second bottle. Howard said that he thought that was Jen Kirkman. Gary said that was Jen. Howard said he heard that Jenny Mollen was into that Cryotherapy. Howard said she was on Wrap Up talking about that. Howard said that call he just played is called ''Disoriented Cork.''
Howard said there is an internet show this guy Chris Wilding called using Robin's voice. Howard played that next. In the call Chris is on the line with the host of a show and he puts his wife Robin on the phone to talk to her. He had clips of Robin getting angry and yelling at the woman. The host of the show eventually tells her to get a life because she doesn't fit in with the show very well.
Robin asked what she is singing. Howard said it sounds like ''Howard Stern is such a sight'' but that's not what it was. Howard said he has a favorites list of songs and that one comes up once in a while. Benjy found the lyrics and said it's ''Now we're standing side by side.'' Howard had him read the first two lines. Benjy read it and then Howard had Fred replay it. Robin was still hearing Howard Stern something. Howard said he's calling it the Howard Stern song. He had Fred play it again. Howard said without that lyric sheet you'd only hear Howard Stern...
Howard said that he loves music. He said he was painting the other day and finishing up a painting he was working on. He said he wanted to call into the station and play this Jimi Hendrix song he was listening to. Howard said he could play it now but they don't do that there. Howard said he may have the time now so he's going to play ''Are You Experienced'' by Jimi Hendrix. Fred played the song and Howard said go do something while you listen to the song. Howard let the song play through. Howard said the song had guitar and drums recorded backwards. Robin wondered how they did that. Howard said there's a ton of stuff going on in the song.
Howard said now listen to the segue into Crossroads. Howard played that song next. Howard said this is great music. He said he hates to sound like an old fart but that's what he thinks. Howard said this is when you wanted to be a rock star. He said now it's all a bunch of pussies. Howard said there was something in the air when these guys were around. He said something was happening.
Howard said he could listen to that all day. Robin said that most DJs would say that wasn't a good segue. Hoar said Fred came in too early with it. Howard said he was going to call the channel and have them play it. He said it's too much of a hassle though. Howard said they have a schedule. Howard said they tell him that he could do that and they could get it together in 5 minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Apple is announcing a bunch of stuff today. Howard said what they have to announce is a new Macbook Air. Howard said he had to send it in for repairs already. Howard said that it won't connect to his phone so he can have a hotspot. Howard said that it won't do that. Howard said he doesn't want them to lose that thing where things work seamlessly.
The caller said that they're announcing a new operating system today. He said that they're announcing a new music service with streaming music. Howard said he already has Spotify. The caller said that iTunes will become Apple Music. Howard said the streaming services are great. He said you have an entire music library for a few bucks a month.
The caller asked if people don't appreciate DJs curating music anymore. Howard said that's what he likes about Sirius. He said they have DJs playing music and he likes their selections. Howard said he spends most of his day on 90s on 9. Howard said he digs their selections.
Howard said that it's an exciting time. He said everyone is trying to figure this stuff out. He said it's not a slam dunk. Howard said they have introduced things that didn't work. Howard said there are so many choices out there. Howard said they have all of these streaming services and Sirius and all of this. Howard said the real parlay is getting a lot of subscribers. Howard said Sirius figured it out. Howard said he hears from all of them about how to do it. The caller said they're trying to figure out a TV streaming thing too. Howard said that's what he's told them there at Sirius but they don't listen to him. Howard said you have to get into the game.
Howard said the DJ is not lost. He said that he likes that they have DJs there. The caller mentioned Matt Pinfield. Howard said he ran into him in the hall there the other day. Howard said a good DJ will always be in demand.
Howard said that Rick Perry has a campaign song that sounds like he's trying to get to the young people with. Howard played that rap song. He said he has another one that Ted Cruz is using. Howard said it must be a white guy rapping. Howard said Hillary has the best song. Howard played the ''Pussy Good'' song. Robin said that would be great if they played that every time she walked into a room.
Howard said Apple has Siri and Microsoft has Cortana. Howard said there's a commercial where they argue with each other. Howard played the commercial parody they created. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she loves Dr. Ruth. She said that she was never taught anything when she was a young girl. She said that she uses that advice to take care of her husband. Howard said even if she's not in the mood she does something. Mariann said her family means everything to her.
Mariann mentioned the kittens they have now. Mariann said that one has both eyes removed. Howard said this cat is so cute. Howard said they had to take her on a plane. Howard said it's very sad. He said they have a mother cat with six kittens. Howard said he's taking care of her personally. Howard said Beth is so overloaded with kittens that he's helping out. He said that he's in charge of that one. Howard said he's going to heaven because of that. Mariann asked what happened with the other thing with the guy doing the cat videos. Howard said he doesn't want to get into that right now. Howard said he has to go. He let Mariann go after that.
Howard said if you don't have a life and you want a life then follow his wife on Instagram. Howard said there was a guy posting terrible things he was doing to animals. He cut himself off saying he didn't want to get into it. He said it's too upsetting.
Robin started off asking who the richest athletes are. Howard guessed it was Michael Jordan. Robin said that it's Ion Tiriac. Robin said he competed in two different sports. Robin read some details about that guy. Howard had never heard of him. Robin read about some of the other highest paid like Michael Jordan, David Beckham and Tiger Woods.
Robin read a story about a prison break there in New York. Robin said they are saying they had to have had inside help because they were using power tools. Robin said that the guys who got out are very dangerous. Howard said they think it may have been a female guard who helped them out. Howard wondered who the hell would help them. Robin had some audio of the police talking about these guys and what to do if you see them. Robin said they could have escaped to Canada. Robin said they have no idea where they are right now. Robin said they say if you see something they just report it. Robin said that they have a $100,000 reward for their capture. Robin said she was thinking about going after them.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he has ever discussed with his therapist about jerking off and if it's normal or is it too much. Howard said he wouldn't discuss that with his therapist. Speech Impediment Man said that you have to talk about that. Howard said he had sex wit his wife this weekend. He said he topped it off with masturbation last night. Howard said he won't jerk off tonight. He said maybe some other night or he'll have sex with his wife. Howard said that's it. Howard asked why it's a problem. Robin said she figured it would come up. Speech Impediment Man asked if he's still watching babysitter porn. Howard said he's not. He said he watched lesbian porn over the weekend. Howard said he told that to Asperger Mick. Howard said that he could never jerk off to cartoons like he does. Howard said he thought he could do that to some cartoons but he wasn't able to do it.
Speech Impediment Man asked if he remembers Roger Rabbit and how you could see Kim Bassinger naked. Howard asked Fred what he said. Fred did his Speech Impediment Man impression and had Speech cracking up.
Robin read a story about Kate Moss being taken off a flight because she became disruptive. Howard asked what she did. Robin said they don't say exactly. Robin said they came in and took her off the plane on Sunday. Howard said she's fucked up though. Robin said she has history of drug abuse. Howard said it's so great you're on the plane next to her and she gets taken off. Robin said she was taken off by police officers. Howard did a live commercial read after that. During the commercial Ronnie was talking about going to a NASCAR race so Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about that.
Howard said Ronnie told him that he'd fuck Caitlyn Jenner. Ronnie said he never said that. He said if he was in a dark bar and he was fucked up then he might go for it but then you'd find out it wasn't a chick and you'd probably run out the door. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Robin read a story about Jason Alexander being on the show last week and how he talked about the actress he didn't get along with on Seinfeld. Robin said he's issued an apology about that. Howard said he and Jason emailed about that. He said people took that whole thing the wrong way. Howard said Jason is bummed out about that.
Robin read a story about Dr. Drew talking about how he used cocaine and marijuana in his life. Howard said he told his kids about his drug use. Howard said he's not sure how old they were. He said that they were maybe 13-14 or something like that. Gary said he's been lying forever. Howard said he talked about the stupidity of the whole thing. Howard asked Gary if he told his kids he used coke. Gary said no. He said they never asked. He said he'd probably be vague. Howard said in the worst way you don't want them doing it. Howard said they think it's okay because their father lived. Gary said that you can't explain to them about future damage. Howard said he would do anything to keep his kids off the hard stuff. He said it can do serious damage. Gary said he has had the drug discussion with his kids. Howard said they might think it fucks you teeth up. Gary said his wife asked him not to go into certain things. Gary said he followed her advice. Howard said Mary is a good mom. He said he digs her. Howard said Gary married well. Howard said they're good together. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the World Cup and how the organization that sets the rules has had a number of executives leave under fire. Robin said they are thinking bribes have been paid to FIFA officials. Robin said they say that South Africa paid a million dollar bribe to get the world cup. Robin said they say that the future of FIFA in Russia and Qatar are in question now. Howard said he doesn't think he'll ever give a crap about soccer. He said it is sad that it's so corrupt though.
Robin read a story about a concert at Met Life stadium getting out of control last night. Robin said that they had people throwing bottles at the cops when they weren't allowed in the stadium. Robin had some clips of some of the performers who were there last night.
Howard said that he was reading the set list of songs that Robert Plant did recently. He said a caller told him about that last week. Howard said he wonders why he would do that without Jimmy Page. Howard said he can't figure that out. Howard said it's so weird. Robin said maybe he's trying it out and maybe it will happen. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard said the people at Wunderlist tried contacting him. Howard said they were wondering what improvements he thinks it needs. Howard said they were asking over social media but he needs to speak to people. He said he can't write that down. Howard said they have to change or they'll lose out to that other Ever-something. Howard said he's excited about this new operating system that Apple has coming out. Robin said they said it may take up less space too.
Robin read a story about how Microsoft may be offering Wi-Fi around the world. Robin said that they say it would bring hassle free Wi-Fi to millions of people. Howard said that LTE stuff doesn't really work even outside the building there. Howard said there's no good way to be on the internet all the time.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if he could ever be drunk enough to hit on Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said no. He also told Ralph to stay home today because he sounds really sick. Ralph said that he really got fucked over there at America's Got Talent. He said that he had a guy coughing all over him. He said he won't mention names but said Alan Cody. Howard said you don't know that it was him. Howard said that whole thing was crazy. Howard said they recorded enough to have 5 million shows. Ralph said it was good stuff too. He said he doesn't know how they edit that stuff.
Howard told Ralph not to come today. Ralph said he wasn't going to. He said he is better but he still sounds like that. Howard said Ralph is transitioning. Ralph said then Ronnie will hit on him. Ralph said he looks at that Caitlyn picture and said that's a definite ''no.''
Robin read a story about 10 life skills you should have acquired by the age of 30. Robin read the list and Howard said no to changing a tire, fixing leaky pipes, assembling an emergency kit, mixing a signature cocktail... Howard said he doesn't care about a cocktail. Robin ran down a list of other things and Howard said he can do some of them.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump announcing he has a big announcement coming this week about if he'll run for president. Howard said he won't.
Robin read about how Governor Christie is going around talking about some of the candidates. Robin said he was upset about Rand Paul filibustering. Robin had some audio of Christie talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him an F, Marry, Kill of Nicole Bass, Tan Mom and Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said he'd have to kill himself. Howard said he supports Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn but he'd have to kill her in this list. Howard said that he'd marry Tan Mom. He said that he's sure she's a woman. Howard said he'd have to fuck Nicole Bass and kill Caitlyn. Howard said he doesn't think he could get it up for Nicole. Howard said he'd have Nicole kill Caitlyn for him since he could never do it himself.
Robin had a clip of Rick Santorum talking about the pressing issues and he doesn't think that climate change is one of them. Robin had some other clips of other republican candidates talking about what matters to them in this campaign. Robin had audio of one guy talking about how it's time for America to switch to the metric system. Howard said they know it's there, they just don't want to learn it.
Robin read a story about the war on ISIS and how about 10,000 fighters have been killed so far. Howard said that most of the guys in ISIS are the guys who were in Saddam Hussein's army. Howard said if we go over there and kick their ass then we end up leaving again. Robin said we have to plan to stay. Howard said we have to leave at some point. Howard said we can save ourselves billions if we just let them do their own thing over there. Robin said now they're into terrorism. Howard said that's what they were doing before. Robin said that they were more worried about Iraq than us. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
They played the audio from each reaction to that story. Jon said they have some audio clues there. Jon said he will say that both guests have very distinctive voices. He said they'll break that all down after a break. He said Doug Benson will be coming in after the break.
Jon said Howard did acid in college and he had a really bad trip. He said that can set you back a ways if it's a bad one. Doug said that can happen. He said that it's not for everybody. He said he's managed to make it work though. He said that he likes weed and booze and movies and it's great that it all comes to him in massive amounts. Jon said that when he did Jump the Shark he got to talk about TV and made a living doing it.
Jon said Howard started the show goofing on the Tony's by making up his own songs like he thinks they do on Broadway. Jon played a clip for Doug to hear.
Doug said they should do a musical about how easy it is to make up a musical. Doug said he saw the musical version of Into the Woods and it was them singing about what they were doing next. He said it wasn't a catchy song or anything. He said that songs should work as songs outside of the musical. He said that they should move the story along too. He said it should do both.
Jon said Robin likes going to shows. Doug said she came and saw the Marijuana Logs that he did. He said that was nice.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to compliment Rahsaan because he was good on the Ferrall show. Rahsaan thanked him for that. The caller also said that not everyone is into pop culture interviews and this guy Mick today was great. He said he loves those Wack Packers being interviewed. The caller said he's great as a general character and as the guy who knows about the comic book stuff.
The caller also asked about why the Wednesday replays are so hard to hear. He said they play it out of sequence. He said they need to fix that. Jon said the show is available on demand. He said he will send that complaint over to the complaint department. Jon said you can hear the show On Demand anytime though.
Jon asked Doug what he thinks about Mick the Nerd. Doug asked to hear his voice again. They played a clip of Mick talking about JD and the dog licking the peanut butter. Doug said he sounds like a skinny, nerdy dude. Jon said he has a full beard and it's not what you expect to hear. Doug said he's sure he gets an interesting reaction from people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Mick is a home run. He said he thinks he has Wack Pack potential. He said he has the voice and the answers he had. He said he was very open and honest with Howard. He thought he was a home run. Jon said he did come off as very likeable. He said some people try too hard but not Mick. He said you laugh at him but also laugh with him. Jon said that Howard can pick up when someone is faking it. He said that he thinks they got the genuine person.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Mick is a complete fraud. He said with his Superman trivia he's seen some of his comments on Twitch and he gets everything wrong. Jon said that he did have that argument about Galactica and all of that and he seemed to know a lot.
Gary came in and said that he thinks Mick is in the Wack Pack. He said he answered unfiltered and he's just a nice guy. Jon said he thinks that they'll root for him whenever he's on the show. They went to break after that.
Gary said in 1979 he took a human sexuality class and he took one class that wasn't Dr. Ruth. He said that she was teaching another class that he missed out on. He said that his teacher brought in a gay couple to talk about sex with the class. He said one of the guys in the class asked if it was painful. Doug said that's why we do it. He said they want the pain.
Jon said that Dr. Ruth was providing some guidance to Howard. Doug said you can't think of anyone who is famous for that position of sex advice. Gary said that Dr. Drew used to talk a lot about sex on Lovelines. He said that Dr. Ruth just seems like the right person.
Jon said Dr. Ruth told some great stories today. He said he can just imagine the radio programmers who found her. Gary said he remembers her show being on the air and how the news got around quickly. He said she was only on for 15 minutes at a time. He said they let her say anything she wanted because it was a public affairs show. He said it was quickly expanded to 1 hour and eventually 2 hours. He said she was talking about masturbation on radio when it wasn't supposed to be talked about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he listened to Dr. Ruth when he was in high school. He said that he thinks Dr. Ruth would be great to sit in on the show like George Takei is. Gary said he likes her just the way she is now. Gary said Ruth likes to talk about sex but not her own. He said George will talk about his own sex life.
Jon said when Dr. Ruth was doing this she was doing it when no one else was. He said it was much different back then. Doug said she used to make Letterman blush on his show. He said that Dave didn't want to talk about that stuff. He said it was interesting that she popped up today. He said he hadn't thought about her in a while. He said he's sure she'll keep writing books and maybe she'll pop up on the show again.
Gary said she always treated her show very seriously even if people were joking around when they called in. Gary said that it was interesting how she kept referring to both Howard and Robin today. He said she always brought up the two of them when she'd mention Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he remembers listening to Dr. Ruth when he was younger and they'd take her advice from her on how to have sex without intercourse. He said that it was great to hear her again today.
Jon said that Howard also played the Jimi Hendrix song today and he did that to get people to do something. Jon said that Howard has always loved Hendrix but it takes him to a different place. Doug said he has to listen to that song again. He said he doesn't know Hendrix stuff that well. Gary said Howard is moved by the song. He said he wants the audience to feel that. Gary said they should have everyone bring in a song that moves them and have them guess who picked it. Doug said that's really interesting. Doug said that you pick something that may be hated by others. Gary said they brought in songs that made them cry once and when his was played he was balling.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll results were. Rahsaan said that Dr. Ruth got 71 percent of the votes. Jon replayed the clip of her responding to that peanut butter story. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. He gave Doug some plugs and ended the show around 11:50am.
Howard started the show taking a call from Hanzi who asked why he doesn't give him any time. Howard said everyone gets just a little time. Howard told him to get to his point. Hanzi said Ralph gets like 3 calls. Howard said everyone gets some time. Hanzi said that this guy Mick just got there the other day and now he's getting on the show. Howard said he got a lot of emails about Mick the Nerd. Howard said people said forget Hanzi, we love Mick the Nerd. Howard said there were others. Howard said someone said Mick deserves to run Geektime and fire Ralph from that. Hanzi said he had to work 9 fucking years. He said this guy just showed up. Howard said that's how show business works.
Howard said Mick's parents let him come to New York. He said sometimes a guy is a hot guy and then someone hotter comes along. He said it's like Brad Pitt being hot for a while and now Channing Tatum is the guy. Howard said that's the way it works. Hanzi said they never let him do anything. Howard said that's because he has to go to his mom and dad for permission. Howard said he's not going to go against his parents. Hanzi said that he made that all happen. He said Artie asked him to go to a show and he knows that Howard and Artie are in cahoots and they kept him from contacting him. Howard said he has nothing to do with Artie's stuff. Howard said he has other people on the phone that he has to get to. Howard played Hanzi off with one of his theme songs. Howard said that was Eli Braden with that one. Howard said that he has David Spade and Royal Blood coming in today and Hanzi isn't all that interesting. Howard played another theme song for Hanzi.
Howard said Mick the Nerd is making phony phone calls already. Howard played a prank call Mick made to a Tradio show where he was selling comic books and he ran down a really long list of the stuff he wanted to sell. The host of the show asked for his number but Mick kept going so they hung up on him. Then he called back and kept reading. They hung up on him again so he called back over and over. They kept hanging up.
Howard said that Mick wrote a song for Robin too. He played that song where Mick was singing about loving Robin's tits.
Howard said his favorite phony phone call is Gary calling a record store. Howard said this is so good. Howard said there aren't many record stores left but they found one. Howard said they're trying to make rent by selling records and they're taking up their time with this. Howard said Gary's audio book is great for making phony phone calls. Howard played the prank call where they had Gary talking about his vinyl and how he keeps it stacked up in his room. They had Gary asking questions about songs. The guy at the store told him to try Google. They had Gary calling back every time the guy hung up him. Howard said this goes on all day. Howard said it's great when Gary reads that book. Robin said it sounds very natural.
Howard said someone wrote in about Riley Martin. Howard said that people want him to get Riley in the studio. He said that they have put his show On Demand too so people are happy about that. Howard said that Riley and Jay Thomas have a feud going on. Howard said Jay was pissed about Riley complaining about him eating into his time. Howard said Jay is in trouble now that Riley has complained about cutting into his time. Howard played a clip of Jay talking to Riley on their crossover. Jay asked Riley why he would stab him in the back like that. Riley didn't know what to do. Jay said that he's sick of this. He told Riley to just do his fucking show, he doesn't give a shit. Riley and Jay went back and forth for a minute arguing. Eron got into it with Jay as well. He told Jay to go back and try to find his career. Howard said Eron was on fire.
Howard said Jay Thomas just celebrated 10 years at Sirius. Howard said they're getting close to 10 years as well. Howard said that Riley stayed calm about Jay. Howard played another clip of Riley talking about how he will talk to Howard personally about this. Howard thanked Jay for making that possible.
Howard said there was a lot of important information that Riley wanted to get out but Eron wanted to fight more.
Howard said one of the fans called in and said that he bought a symbol from Riley and he gave it to his brother. The brother jerked off on it. Howard said Riley really sounds like he's on his last legs. Howard said they have to get him in there. He played more of the clip and Riley was coughing the whole time the guy was asking his question. Riley said as soon as he opened that symbol it was taken in and he can't hurt it by doing that. Riley said that the jizzum just made it more special. He coughed and sounded like he coughed something awful up. Howard said he had to take a break. He said he knows he has a lot of people on the phone. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Caitlyn if he's had the surgery yet. Caitlyn said not yet. He said that it may happen soon. He said that he's going to donate his cock to Robin since she's always saying ''I need a cock!''
Caitlyn said that Kris insists on calling him what she always has. Howard asked if that's Bruce. Caitlyn said no, it's dick head.
Caitlyn asked Howard to play a game where he guesses who said it, Bruce or Caitlyn. He read a line and Howard guessed it was Bruce. He got it right. Caitlyn had some other lines that she read. Howard said she's much more fun than Bruce was.
Caitlyn asked who said ''I wish I hadn't hit that lady with my car.'' Then she started arguing with herself as Bruce and Caitlyn. Then they made up and they started to get it on with each other. They said they had to get going. Howard said that it sounds like Bruce just fucked Caitlyn in the ass. Howard said that was very revealing. He said he's sure the newspapers will pick up on that.
The caller said he's killing it on America's Got Talent too. Howard said that the show is on tonight. Howard said that he has a screener but he hasn't seen it yet. Robin said that she used to get them but she didn't get it last week. Howard said it wouldn't be the first time Robin didn't find something in her inbox.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him an F, Marry, Kill of Caitlyn, Siobhan and Buck Angel. Howard said he's not doing this anymore. Howard said he's not going to be with a transgender. Robin said that Howard is going to love the person he's with if he's alone with them. Howard said he's not going to fuck them. Howard said he's not transgender phobic but he knows he doesn't want to mess with that. Howard said the pussy is in the wrong place. He said it'll never be in the right place. Howard said he wants a woman with a self lubricating pussy. Howard said that in his scenario he'd fuck Buck Angel since he was a woman. Howard said he'd want to fuck a woman because he's a heterosexual man. Howard asked what kind of question that is.
Howard said he's still reeling from that Bruce Jenner call. He took a call from Tommy in Malden who said he's right about Greg Gutfeld not being on The Five. He said he was good on that show. Howard said he should still be on that show. He said he likes him on Red Eye too. Howard said he's not sure why he needs a third show.
Tommy said that Kimberly Guilfoyle is anti-pot. Howard said he doesn't care about her opinion. Howard said she is some woman. Howard said she was on The Talk and they had some guy come out to dance with her. He said she's got a rocking body. He said she got up and danced and she moves in a way that you can tell she fucks good. Howard said that he doesn't care about her opinions on pot.
Howard said the good thing about the pot being legalized is that it's hurting the Mexican drug cartels. He said that's a great thing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Robert Duvall was in the other day and they asked the Wack Pack to pass something along. They played Duvall asking them to pass along the information about his new movie. They played the pass it along game and Mark the Bagger called Wendy the Slow adult who called Gary the Conqueror and by the time it go to Gary Wendy just said it was something Joan Rivers.
Howard said he has a new song parody about Robin. Howard asked if she wanted to hear it. Robin said no but Howard played it anyway. Howard said that was from Psych.
Howard said they have a tape of what it would sound like if Gary the Conqueror had sex. Howard played the clip of Gary talking to a woman and the woman making sex noises. Gary asked for some retarded ass juice in that clip.
Howard said that they were talking about the Belmont Stakes yesterday. He said that there were a lot of kids there getting drunk. Howard played some interviews they did there with people who were getting drunk. They asked what they think about people who come there and drink water with lemon. They said that person would be called gay. Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how he lost 3 million on the horses. They also spoke to a guy about Robin's Cryotherapy there. The guy said that's fucking nuts and she should keep them to keep her warm.
Howard said David Spade is coming in today. He said that the guys from Royal Blood are coming in too. Robin said they have a ton of equipment there. Howard said they do. He said he hasn't seen so much in there since Leslie West was on. Fred told Howard about some of the equipment they had there. He said they're serious. Howard said it's just two guys. He said Cream had 3 guys and they made a lot of noise but this is just two guys. Howard asked how old they are. Gary said they're 25 and 26. Howard said they're so talented. He said he has a lot to talk to them about. He said he hasn't been this amped up on a band in a long time. Howard said they're going to perform the hit song they had. Howard said that song is called ''Figure it Out.'' He said he'll cum in his pants when he does that. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing David too.
Howard said he's fascinated with this Pastor Manning guy. Howard said that he is calling Justin Bieber a woman who is transitioning into a man. Howard played a clip of Manning talking about Bieber being smarter than Bruce Jenner because he's presenting himself as a man even though he's a girl. He said it's a stroke of brilliance. Manning said that Bieber and Jenner should get married. He said the problem is that Bieber appears to be a boy on the outside but he's really a girl. Robin said that's pretty funny. Howard said this guy's church is in Manhattan too. Robin said she has to check that church out one of these days. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that David Spade is there. Howard said he's a good friend of the show. He said he loves David. Robin said that's the man he loves. Howard said he's a sex symbol to him. Howard said he does love him. David said he heard him jizzing over Royal Blood earlier. He said that Howard is more excited about them than he is about him. Howard said he was playing it up a little bit.
Howard asked David what's going on. He said he has sideburns like Neil Young. David said the move is to not get laid more. He said he's doing promotion for Joe Dirt 2. He said the mullet is in a safety deposit box.
Howard said David wrote this Joe Dirt 2. David said he wrote it with Fred Wolf who is there with him. Howard asked if it took a long time to get the first one done. David said that people tell him about the movie all the time. He said people still talk about that and Tommy Boy. Howard said that is a great movie. David said that movie worked. He said that it doesn't always work out that way. Howard asked if that was scripted. David said it was. He said Fred did a pass on it to sharpen it up.
Howard said there were a lot of unanswered questions in Joe Dirt. David laughed. Howard said that Tommy Boy was great and David played off him beautifully. David said they could have kept doing movies like that. Howard asked David about what he thought of Melissa McCarthy doing her Chris Farley impression. David said he thinks she's great. He said he doesn't know her well. He said she's sweet to him. David said he and Adam were back stage and saw that going on and he wondered what the fuck was going on. He said it put them off a bit. He said once he heard what was going on it was fine. He said he thought that she's so funny and she was put in an odd position. He said that she did a very good job with it. He said all of those people doing other people was interesting and kind of cool. He said she did a great job with it. David said he heard that she wore his jacket and Chris used to talk about how he used to wear Belushi's stuff. He said that was weird.
Howard asked David about the Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary and if he was upset he wasn't involved that much. David said getting anything on that show was good. He said there were so many people there. Howard said so many cast members didn't get any time. David said that was fine. He said they're trying to make the show interesting. He said that was a big thing to try and do. David said that he didn't know it was Melissa doing that. He said he thought it was some guy.
Howard asked David about who he gravitates to now. He said he knows he's tight with Sandler. He said it's a great group of guys. David said that Sandler was great back in the day and you really have to be able to do so many things on the show. He said you have to be able to do impressions, sing and all of that. He said he scraped by. He said Sandler would do all of these bits one after the other. He said he's wracking his brain and he can't think of jack shit while Sandler comes up with new stuff every day.
Howard said that they have to fight for air time on Saturday Night Live. David said that you do get jealous and envious. He said the people are so good around you that it inspires you to be better. He said that he can go to a comedy club and he'll see two jokes and he'll think someone has game if they have two good jokes in a row. He said it's good to see someone who is good. He said it makes you jealous.
Howard said he knows what it was like when he'd go into a new market and hear the other DJs. He said he'd hear shitty ones in some markets but in Detroit one was better than the other.
Howard asked David if he gets upset seeing Bob Odenkirk doing Better Call Saul. David said it's great. He said they're great guys and they caught a break. Howard said that those were the writer guys. David said they were also very nice to him. He said they were so good that he thought something would catch on. He said that there are a lot of things on TV that have no substance but then that stuff happens. He said that no one really cares anymore and it's all reality shows. He said that he sees that Kardashian stuff going on and he thinks that he could do something like that.
Howard asked David if he gets enough credit as a stand up comic. He said he's really good because he's so relaxed on stage. Howard said it comes off like nothing matters to him. David said that's how everything comes off. Howard said no one mentions his stand up. David said stand up got him all of that stuff. He said it got him Saturday Night Live and all of that. Howard asked if he talked to Lorne to get on the show. David said he's writing a book and trying to remember the funny stories. He said he's got a couple. He said he did this thing where he was doing stand up. He said Dennis Miller helped him out. He said he was pretty good back then. David said he was a middle act and he did good enough to get Dennis to help him out.
David said he was auditioning for the HBO Young Comedians special at the time. He said he was not getting it. He came close but didn't get it. David said that he got bumped as the 6th person but the pushed for him to get on. He said that Lorne saw that show and he asked him, Rob Schneider and another guy to come audition. He said that they saw them do a show and then they were all grumbling and talking about them. David said he went up and it was crickets on stage. He said he did 12 minutes because he wasn't doing good enough. David said that Dennis told him not to be too good. David said that he came off stage looking like he'd just gone 15 rounds with Pacquiao.
Howard asked if Rob Schneider bombed too. David said he did. He said they got hired and Tom Kenny killed and didn't get hired.
Howard asked David about the guys that he hangs around with and how great a group it seems to be. Howard asked if they're constantly one upping each other. David said they really don't. He said that he will try to get zingers in with people he doesn't know that well. He said it's sickening. Howard said they don't have to do that but they want to show they're funny. Howard said it must come down to attention. David said he's not that sad but they say that comedians are. David said he was at a table with fun people at Howard's birthday show. He said he was with Tracy Morgan, Jewel and others. He said Jewel was very nice and he was whispering jokes at the table. He said he was doing stupid jokes. David said the funny thing is that it's hard for a guy because in this world it's hard to score with a girl. He said that if you have money and a career and you're nice to your family and the girl is hot then you're even. David said that it's so horrible.
Howard asked if he was in touch with Tracy after the accident. David said he was not. He said he doesn't know him that well. He said that they were all fun at the birthday show but they just happened to be at the same table. He said that Adam Levine did that Purple Rain and there wasn't a dry pussy in the place. He said it made him angry. Howard said that he really shredded it up that night. David said he really did over do it. He said poor John Fogarty was over there wondering if he could do his song. Howard said that Adam was unbelievable. David said John Mayer was there too.
Howard asked David about Tracy again. David said that he didn't want to bother him but he'd love to hang with him again. He said that you get happy being around him. He said he's not in his world though. He said he thinks Rock is in his world.
Howard said Adam Levine even got Joan Rivers pussy wet. Howard asked David if he read that Rolling Stone list of Saturday Night Live cast members. David said he heard Howard talking about that. David said they all read that on the plane on the way to the Saturday Night Live thing. David said that it got a little quiet on the jet. Howard asked who foots the bill for the private jet. David said that Sandler was on the jet. He said he may have gotten it. Howard asked who else was on the flight. David said he thinks it was Sarah Silverman, Emma Stone, Will Ferrell and others. He said he forgot about that. He said he wanted to put pictures up but it was too gay. Howard said you can't do that.
Howard asked if the trip out was catered. David said they had it all. Howard said Joe Piscopo flew on Southwest while David was on a private jet. David said that he's flown Southwest before. He said he sees other celebrities on there packing their bags into the overhead storage.
David said that Adam knows more people from being in the movies. He said that flight was a blast. He said that most people didn't get plus 1s. He said that Julia Sweeney may have had one. He said most people didn't have one. He said they wanted the audience filled with Saturday Night Live people.
Howard said David was ranked number 27 on the Saturday Night Live list of people. David said that he saw the list on a computer. He said he thought it was weird. He didn't want to talk about it because he wasn't sure how people felt about it. Howard said Sandler was ranked at 17. David said he shouldn't even be in that list. He said you can't beat Bill Murray. He said that they ranked sketches the year before and you can't do that.
Howard asked if it was weird running into Eddie Murphy after doing the Hollywood Minute thing. Howard said he did a joke about Eddie and he got so pissed he didn't show up to the 25th anniversary show. David said that Eddie said that he's going to forgive and come to the show. David said Chris told him that he was off the hook finally.
Howard said that Eddie Murphy did the exact same thing to Garrett Morris on Saturday Night Live once. David said he heard about that. Howard said he has a clip. Howard played that clip of Eddie saying that Garrett has a lot of free time now. He had just been fired recently. Howard said that's the same thing David did. David said Eddie came up and gave him a hug at the cocktail party after the first rehearsal. He said it was great.
Howard asked about the lame thing that Eddie did at the show. David said that he should have just come out and done one of his characters.
Howard said that he loves Steve Martin. He said he came out and did his King Tut thing. Howard said that he works so hard on what he does even when he's on Letterman or something like that. David said that they do pre-interviews there and they'll ask if there's anything funny that their kids did that week or something. David said actors go on and they only want funny on the show so they tell stories like that.
Howard said he just saw David on Ellen Degeneres. Howard said he was very funny. He said he seems very comfortable on that show. David said he was always nervous on Letterman. David said comedians his age know how cool Dave is. He said that he really wanted to be on his show. He said he's loved him for years.
Howard asked if he likes doing Fallon too. David said he is very friendly and lets him go. He said he's a good laugher too. He said Letterman was tough to get going. He said Ellen is very sweet to him too. He said they wrote a pilot for him and Ellen years ago and he always thought she was very clever on the road. He said he even hit on her on the road. Howard said David came on very strong. David said he was doing a gig with her and they were in the condo together. He said she had him over because she had HBO in her room. He said he thought she was cute and funny. David said he flew home with her and she had a Walkman so he knew she was rich. He said everyone knew that she was gay but they wouldn't tell him. He said they'd just tell him that she wasn't right for him.
Howard asked David about staying in a comedy condo and if they're really disgusting. David said they are. He said back then they had all three comedians staying in the same condo. Howard said the whole business is like a ranking like that Rolling Stone article. Howard said that everyone will say that he's the best judge but then everyone tells Howie the same thing. Howard said you believe what you want to believe.
David said he goes to the Emmys and you know where you rank when you see where you're sitting. David said that everyone sees Johnny Depp in the front row and he's like 9 rows back from there. Howard said that it's all rankings.
Howard said that Norm MacDonald cried when he said goodbye to Dave. David said he just heard about that. He hasn't seen it. David said he doesn't know what happened. He said someone from TMZ was trying to start shit with him. He said they were asking if he was doing the last week of Letterman. He said no and they asked what the problem is there. David said you usually go to promote something. He said he had nothing to promote. David said he only does Howard's show when he has something to promote. He said he'd like to come in and hang. Howard said he can do that whenever he wants.
Howard said he thought Norm's thing was very heartfelt. David said he's making fun of it but he's just screwing around. He said he did a similar thing about 2 years ago. He said he wrote Dave a letter and Dave wrote him a letter back. He said Dave said something weird to him about his dad. He said it was very nice and it was his thing with him and he didn't want to try to get back on. He said that he got that one thing and it meant a lot to him. Howard said he wonders what Dave is going to do. David said he thinks he's done like Carson was done. Howard said he feels weird about him retiring.
David said it is weird. He said he thinks Fallon is great now. He said they're all doing new things. He said that it used to be arguing over the guests. He said now they have all of these games they do.
Howard asked about the after party at Saturday Night Live. David said he loved it. He said it was so much more fun than he thought. David said Dennis didn't go and he thinks that he might have felt slighted in some way. He said no one knew what it was going to be. He said he went and Chris Rock was there. He said that Chris entertains him when he's in town. He said Chris knows all of this shit going on. He said he knows about some app that he doesn't know about. He said that he took him to see Chappelle at some place. He said Chris knew that he was performing because he's black. David said that they told him he was going on at 2 in the morning. Chris knew about a secret show that Prince was doing too. He said they were zipping around and getting around barricades. He said there was a whole crowd for Prince.
Howard said he has to act like it's fine to go out that late. David said they got into this place and they were in an area with Michael Jordan and a few other people. He said he gave Jordan a head nod. He said that he was dancing and Chris was dancing crazy. He said it's the first time he's not cool. He said he jams and he gets into it. David said he was nodding his head maybe a quarter inch. He said that's like break dancing for him. David said he had to just stare straight ahead. Then Jordan asked if he was too good for Prince.
Howard asked David if he thinks he'll ever consider getting married. David said that he dates nice, more real girls now. He said that he really hasn't matured. David said he lives like he's married. He said he doesn't really drink at dinner or anything. David said that he has good friends who are girls that are cool. He said he knows really lonely married guys too. He said Clooney used to say that he was lonely when he was married years ago. He said he's sure he's in a good marriage now but you can have a bad marriage. David said there may be someone out there for him. He said with some girls you know it's not for real. David said they know it's not going somewhere and they'll just try to do their best.
Howard asked David about what's so difficult about being with him. David said repeat material at dinner. He said he likes this girl and she'll hold up 4 fingers when she hears the story for the fourth time. Howard said you have to listen to what people are saying. David said that's why he likes to go out to dinner. He said he isn't great looking and he's reminded of that online every day. He said he tries to be interesting but it's getting tougher to do that these days.
Howard said David's brother developed the Kate Spade bag line. Howard said he's very successful. David said he does other things now too. He said he's in that world. Howard said the guy is like 4 billion. David said that Kate Spade might be but they sold that off. Howard said that has to be nice for him. David said it's good because they kind of split the family. He said he takes care of mom and his brother takes care of his dad. He said they split that over the years. Howard asked if they have that discussion. David said they do. David said his brother was always the good looking brother. He said that there was a window when he was the one doing better and getting cooler. Then they started Kate Spade and blew right past him. David said he's glad that he's not in show business.
Howard asked David to talk about Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser. Howard said the movie is on Crackle. Howard asked if you pay for it there. David said it's free. He said it's like Netflix light. He said that you don't pay for it but there may be commercials before it. He said you can watch the movie for free over and over. David said they wanted a flagship kind of thing. He said they have Jerry Seinfeld doing Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and now they have this.
Howard asked why Sandler is the producer. David said he did the first one. Howard asked if he's active in this one. David said he did do a few things but he doesn't hammer you with the minutia. He said he has notes for them and it was a low budget thing but they didn't take outside money for it. He said Sony told them how they wanted to do it so they did that. Howard said he didn't know that's how it works.
Howard asked if he has any love scenes in the movie. David said he does. He said Brittany Daniel was in the first one and in this one too. David said that his budgets aren't huge but they had to do more dialog and joke stuff instead of rotating sets. He said the thing that costs a lot of money is the music. He said that they use 9 seconds of Led Zeppelin and it costs $200,000.
Howard asked why they don't do deals with Sony artists. David said they're working on that. He said that the movie comes out July 16th so they're still working on all of that. He said you won't even notice the budget though. He said it's that good. Howard thanked David for coming in. He gave him some plugs and said they talked for over an hour. He let David go a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has the guys from Royal Blood in studio. He said this is an exciting morning. Howard said he's been a fan for a while. Howard said the reason they caught on with him is because they know how to rock and it's just two guys. Howard said he thought he'd seen it all with cream and 3 guys. Howard said this is Mike and Ben. He said Mike is on guitar and Ben is on drums. The guys said that they appreciate being on. Howard said that Fred was playing Led Zeppelin as they came back. He said that Jimmy Page is a big fan of theirs too. Mike said that he presented them with an award over at the Brit awards. Howard asked if it blew their mind that it was Jimmy. Mike said that they think that every time they see his face.
Howard said if Jimmy hooked up with them that would be what Jimmy would wish he had. Howard said he thinks Jimmy would want to be in their band. Howard asked if he ever came to them about that. Mike said that they've only hung out a few times. He said that most of the time he was asking about Led Zeppelin and trying to get stories about the band.
Howard asked Ben about John Bonham. Howard said he thinks he's the best. Ben agreed. Howard said he saw him playing Kashmir live in a clip and he was amazing. Ben said he thinks he was the best. Howard said with just two guys in the band the drums are highlighted even more. Howard asked if he was influenced by Bonham. Ben said of course. Howard asked if he was amped up knowing that Jimmy was there. Mike said he came to see them in New York ad the Mercury Lounge. He said they weren't sure if he was going to come or not. Mike said that he walked on stage and walked directly past him and his heart just about came out his ass. He said he didn't know what to do with his legs at first but then Jimmy had a big grin on his face and that was it.
Howard said he thinks Jimmy is frustrated because Robert Plant still does Zeppelin songs and he can't get him to perform with him.
Howard said that adding a guitar or keyboard might fuck up their chemistry. Mike said that's right. He said anything goes as you can tell but the idea of doing just the two of them was the creative way of doing it. He said letting someone else in would make it even more creative. He said it's fun the way it is right now though.
Howard said what's odd to him is that it's a bass. Mike said that people don't know it's just two until they come to see them at a show.
Howard said Mike started playing keyboards. Ben said he started playing drums at 6 years old. Howard asked how he knew he wanted to be a drummer. Ben said he's not sure he did. He said he was just into it though.
Howard asked where they met. Mike said they met in England when they were in different bands. He said that he saw Ben play and he thought he was just great. Mike said they met when he was about 15 and Ben was a little older. He said he was playing around with the bass idea and if they could do it with two people. It just fell together after that.
Howard said Ben has worked with other bands. He asked if it was odd that Mike suggested a 2 man band in this day and age. Ben said he had been in other bands with Mike and he once sprayed him gold with car paint. He said he wore a fur coat sprayed gold. He asked who wouldn't want to work with a guy like that.
Howard said you have to like each other to be in a band with them. Mike said their relationship is tried and tested. He said they've been in a bunch of bands together. He said it's verging on telepathic right now.
Howard asked if they would ever add another person to the band. Mike said he's not sure. He said right now it's working and it's fun.
Howard asked who their influences are. Mike said he likes Zeppelin. H said that he listens just about every day. He said they listen to lots of music. Howard asked who writes the songs. Mike said they do it just like this. He said they do it the way they are set up now with all of this equipment. Howard said they have so much stuff in there. Mike told Howard about some of the stuff they had in there. He said he has octave pedals. He said that it moves it up a frequency. He said Hendrix loved that pedal and so does he.
Robin said he never got the answer about the bass. Mike said he didn't mean to play the bass. He said Ben was doing session work and they needed a bass player. He said he didn't know how to play it so he kind of did the wrong thing and thought it sounded great. He said he thought it was more interesting playing bass instead of guitar.
Howard said he thought there were 50 guys in the band. He said then he heard this song and it blew him away. Howard said that they're going to play ''Figure it Out'' from their album ''Royal Blood''. Howard said he loves the song and has played it a million times. Howard said they say that it's a goofy song though. Mike said people think that it starts off kind of strange but the band is just two people and you can be big and bold like that. Howard said they don't write in a studio do they? Mike said they don't live together but they might as well. He said they're like a married couple. He said this song came to them quickly. He said the whole album came in a few weeks. He said the first half came in about 2 days.
Howard said that it's great that they can do this as almost a demo and then it becomes a hit. Mike said ''Figure it Out'' was one take. He said it was the third vocal take but the first drum take.
Howard asked where this all occurs. Mike said that they did the intro riff and he was just messing around with that. He said that someone showed him how to hammer on and hammer off on the bass. Howard said it looks really cool. Howard said it's like a marriage being on stage. Mike said it does. He said that there's no sex just like a marriage.
Howard asked Mike if he goes to Ben with a riff and then they take it from there. Ben said he tells him how awful it is and how much he wants to join in to make it even worse. Mike said every song comes differently. Ben said he leaves it to Mike to write the songs. Mike said they create together.
Mike said that every song starts off with a weak and feeble idea. He said then they bring it to this and take it from there.
Howard asked the guys to perform ''Figure it Out'' for them. They went right into the song. After the song Howard said that is something fun to watch. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said it's amazing. Robin said that it's really wild because these guys have to do it all. Howard said that it was so much fun that he started laughing. Howard said it's funny. He said that it's crazy how much music they're making with two people.
Howard asked Ben if he has to go to a gym to keep in shape to hit that hard. Ben said he has never been to a gym. Howard said you'd think he'd have to do some sort of work out. Howard said he's kind of a big dude. Ben said he does okay. He said he doesn't have time to go to the gym.
Howard asked if he took drum lessons as a kid. Ben said he didn't. Howard said that's amazing. Mike said he never had any training for a string instrument other than the piano. Howard asked if they played every event they could as they were growing up. Mike said they did. He said they even played in a restaurant and they played that song there. Howard asked if they ever did cover versions of songs. Mike said they did four songs before they were cut down. He said they had a few acoustic guys before them. He said they were out before the fourth course of dinner. Howard said you have to do that to learn how to keep people's attention.
Howard said Foo Fighters decided to take them out on tour. Mike said that they were asked what their dream was and that was it. They wanted to go on tour with the Foo Fighters. Howard asked when they got the call. Mike said he never got the personal call but Dave Grohl hand picks the bands. He said they heard Dave saw them playing and they called their manager and they were asked to go out on tour.
Howard asked Ben what it's like being married and being in a rock band. Ben said it's okay. Mike said he has two marriages. He said he has his wife and him. Howard said that it has to be tough to be in a band when you get chicks on the road. Ben said that there are chicks, drugs and all of that. Howard asked if he learns from the guys who fell into the drugs and heavy drinking. Ben said they're never gong to do heroin. He said that's the band deal. He said he'll do just about everything else. He said they really just like to drink alcohol. Howard asked what they drink. Mike said Ben has had a bottle of tequila at a gig. He said that he's doing real well admitting to that. Howard asked if he has it under control. Ben said he is in control of his drinking.
Howard asked if you can be drunk at a show. Mike said it's not good to do that. Mike said the best shows are done sober. He said he thinks they owe it to the audience to do that.
Howard said Mike is a good looking dude. Howard asked if he's dating a lot. Mike said that he is. He said the first couple of years they'd meet some people. Mike said he's kind of a traditional man. He said he believes in love. He said that he's very lonely. He said he just wanted to put the word out. Howard said that it was an orgy back in the days of Led Zeppelin.
Howard said he heard a rumor about the band and they were doing a gig. He said someone in the road crew got his testicles sucked so hard he had to go to the hospital. Mike said that's sort of true. He said one of the guys who isn't in the crew had that happen. He said that the guy is in their circle but not in their group. Ben had his head on the drums. Howard said that it can't be him because he's married. Mike said Ben is a terrible liar. Howard asked how that can happen. Ben said he's back with him now.
Howard said he understands that they have some people with them and David Fricke from rolling Stone is there. Howard asked if he's doing a story about them. Mike said they have been hanging out for a few days. He said they are doing a story. Howard said that's a big deal. Mike said he's heard it is a big deal. Howard said he should yell at David for a minute.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they killed it on the bass. He said that was so fucking good. Mike said ''Cheers mate'' for that. Howard said the drums were great too.
Howard spoke to David Fricke who said that the article is going to be positive. Howard said that a lot of bands are tricked into thinking they're getting a good write up but then they get bashed.
Howard asked David if he knows anything about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. David said he is on the nominating committee. Howard asked how the Moody Blues aren't in there. David said they have been discussed. He said that it's not about the nominating all the time. Howard said the Moody Blues and Yes should be in the hall of fame. Mike agreed that Yes should be in there. Howard said he's going to bust David's balls a little bit about this.
Howard asked David not to bust their balls. David said that's already been done. Howard let David go after that.
Howard said Royal Blood has anew song out called Little Monster. Howard said it must be tough to get it played out there with the way the music industry is. Mike said they're lucky that the record company leaves them alone. Howard asked if it annoys them that people say rock is dead. Mike said it has too much history to die. He said that it's like saying Jazz is dead. He said it's not going to end.
Howard asked if they get upset with the songs that are at the top of the charts. Mike said they can appreciate a good song.
Howard asked how you keep up with the album making if they made this one just fucking around. Mike said it's very easy to forget when they have all of this stuff around. Howard said Google Play has made their album their artist of the week. Howard said you can get the album for 99 cents. Howard said they're doing a concert for Howard 101 on Friday night too. Howard said you can find out more about the band at RoyalBloodBand.com
Howard asked the guys about the new song ''Little Monster.'' Mike told Howard where they recorded it and how Freddie Mercury recorded there. He said that you can still smell the cigarettes and the mistakes in there. He said that you can't help but be inspired. Howard was playing the song while they were talking about that. Howard said he has to get in a band. He said he'd call it Plumbers Union. Howard said if the band doesn't take off then he can be a plumber.
Howard said they really should record with Jimmy Page. Mike asked if he has his number. Howard said they should have it. They don't. Mike said he's not sure Jimmy has a mobile phone. Howard said maybe they can email him. He may not have email.
Howard still had the song playing. Howard said that this song makes him angry and makes him want to fuck someone up. Howard said he was in the gym and he thinks he benched over 100 pounds. He said that he did 10 reps with 95 pounds. Howard said he likes this song. Howard asked if this song was done in 5 minutes. Mike told him to listen to the drums at this part. Howard had to rewind it a few seconds. Howard said they make beautiful music. Howard gave them another plug for their album ''Royal Blood''. Howard said he's happy they're doing a concert for them on Friday night. Howard said he wants to hear more about the testicle story. Mike said they didn't explode. He wasn't around for that show. Robin asked why the person didn't stop that woman from doing it. Mike said that it's all fun and games until someone is hurt.
Howard said he has never seen 2 guys make so much music. He said he saw it with Cream but that was 3 guys. Mike asked if they can come back. Howard said of course they can. Howard said they have to record with Jimmy Page. He told them to make that happen. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said that some guy they know got his balls sucked so hard one of them had to be removed. Howard said they wondered how he knows all of this stuff. He said the FBI should be that good. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said those guys made the hair stand up on his arms. He said they were incredible. Howard said it's just two guys. The caller said they have to make sure they don't blow it and they keep pumping out great music. Howard said he's taking them under his wing. Howard said he told them to watch their balls and don't get loaded.
Howard asked Fred how great they were. Fred said they really are. He said they're in sync and you have to be to pull that off. Robin said they're super to watch. Robin said that drummer is so rhythmical.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he closed his eyes and envisioned a full band playing. Howard said it's something to see. He said he's very excited about these guys. Bobo asked if Howard is going to tweet during America's Got Talent tonight. Howard said it's hard to watch and keep up with the show. Howard said he did it last week. Howard said he'll try. Bobo said that would be great. Bobo said that they have a great staff finding that info about the ball exploding thing. Howard said that the guys were asking how he knows about all of that stuff. Howard said he just does.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his favorite band of all time is. Howard said that's impossible to answer. Howard ran down a bunch of bands he loves. Howard said he loves Leslie West of Mountain and James Taylor, Led Zeppelin and so many others. The caller asked about Michael Jackson. Howard said he can't think of one Michael Jackson song he likes. He said that it didn't move him.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for turning them on to Royal Blood. Howard said listen to them on Friday night. The caller said he's going to. He said his brother is in a band and he taught himself on pots and pans. Howard said he wonders how you teach yourself like that. Fred said Dave Grohl did the same thing.
Howard said no one ever asks him who his favorite female vocals is. Howard played a clip of Robin singing a Whitney Houston song.
Howard said the boys in the back room guessed at what songs he would like. Robin said they asked her to do that but she never got around to it. Howard played one of the songs called ''Heavy is the Head''. Gary said everyone picked new music that they thought Howard would like. Howard liked that one. He said they lost him at one point though. He said he'd have to hear the whole song. He said he's pretty good at making a snap decision though. Gary said that was Fred who picked the song. It was the Zac Brown Band with Chris Cornell. Fred said they're on John Varvatos records. Howard said he's an interesting guy. Howard said he likes rock and roll and has it in his stores. Gary said they sell vinyl in their stores. Fred said it was the number 1 song in rock and country. Howard said he liked it. Howard said he'll do more of them some other time. Howard played a song called Budapest. He said he has to listen to them all the way through.
Howard said he likes the Meat Puppets. He said they did a song on the show he really liked. Howard asked why the staff has to pick songs for him. Robin said it was just a fun thing they did. Howard played the Meat Puppets ''Backwater'' and said he loves that song. Howard said most of the music he hears these days are songs about Robin's tits. He played one of those songs.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man and Fred immediately started doing his impression of him. Howard asked Speech Impediment Man what was up. Speech Impediment Man said that David Spade was great today. He said he can't wait for the movie to come out. Speech Impediment Man said that he as in Vegas once and David was in the chair next to him at the strip club. He said he had 3 strippers next to him. Howard said that was some story. He said he's got some way with a story. Fred did his Speech Impediment Man impression again. Howard said he's a stand up comic. Howard said that's crazy. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about disabled people and how they need sex. Howard said he has turned many people on to sex who were disabled. Robin said that up in Toronto they're going to have a disabled sex party. Robin said that the show will include disabled people attending workshops on sex toys and they can have sex if they choose. Robin said this sounds like it's something Wolfie would be interested in going to. Howard said they'll have to send him. Howard said they'll send him in a wheelchair. Robin said that maybe Asperger Mick could go too. Howard said he thinks they settled on Mick the Nerd. He said that's what they're going to go with.
Robin read about a sex offender who took advantage of a seizure stricken co-worker. Robin said that the man was semi conscious after a seizure and the man raped him. Howard said that they were at one of these EDM shows and this guy they were interviewing told a seizure story. Howard played the clip. The guy was telling a story about a guy having a seizure at a show and he just looked away. Another guy said he saw a guy foaming at the mouth but he just kept dancing and prayed for him. Robin said strobe lights can cause seizures.
Howard said they were talking to some women at the show and they were talking about how they are all one when they're there listening to music. Then one of the girls starts bad mouthing black people. Howard said those shows sound frightening. Howard said this guy was tweaking. Howard played a clip of a guy talking about seeing a girl topless and humping the floor. Then the guy banged himself in the head with the microphone.
Howard played more clips where they asked people what their favorite songs were an they didn't know the name but they made the sounds of the songs.
Robin read a story about a woman who was told not to eat the pizza she ordered at a pizzeria so her son hit the guy on the head while the woman went to get a crowbar from her car.
Howard did the top 5 songs. He played Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson at 5. Number 4 was Walk the Moon. Number 3 was Fetty Wap and number 2 was Taylor Swift. Number 1 was Wiz Khalifa featuring Charlie Puth. Howard played some of Jim Breuer doing his Brian Johnson singing some of those songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Howard is going to do about Roosevelt. Howard asked what he means. The caller said he must love the place. Howard said he doesn't. He said he never even thinks about it. Howard said it was a terrible experience for him. He said he experienced a lot of racism and it was a tough neighborhood. Howard said there was a lot of fighting. The caller said that maybe he could do something good for them. Howard said no. He said he wants it to go away. Howard said he'd rather do something for this guy's community. The guy said he lives in Kansas City, Missouri. Howard said he'll give them money instead. Howard said he has no feeling for where he grew up. He said it was horrible. Howard said Rockville Centre was awful too. He said he wants David Blaine to make Roosevelt disappear. He said he hated it.
Robin read a story about a woman who was treated for tuberculosis and took a flight in. Robin said that she has traveled around the country and they're looking for anyone who has come in contact with her. Robin said she's in an isolation room right now. Howard said we're doomed. Robin said they say there is little chance that anyone else was infected.
Howard played a clip of Sal interviewing people in Roosevelt about getting a statue of him put up there. Everyone was saying no except one guy. Howard said he isn't going to do anything for Roosevelt. Howard said they didn't do anything for him.
Robin read a story about Brad Pitt going to Netflix for his next film War Machine. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about Netflix and how taking a chance on House of Cards. Howard said he can't get into Sense8 though. He said he's trying. He said this week's game of Thrones was great. Robin said that they're near the end of the season and they finally had a good episode. Howard said he loved the dragon stuff. He said the Khaleesi should have been naked on that dragon.
Robin said that the Tony awards ratings dropped 25 percent from last year. Robin said she wasn't able to watch it. She said it was so boring. Robin said it was just over 6 million viewers. Robin said last year it was over 7.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she live tweets during America's Got Talent. She said that America's Got Talent starts at Radio City on August 8th. She said they're only doing 12 live shows. Howard said he only has 6 weeks of that to do live. Howard let Mariann go a short time later. Howard said David was asking where she was. Howard said she actually called in earlier but he didn't get to her.
Robin read a story about Apple's new streaming music service. Howard said he's not that excited about it. He said if it's good then that's fine. Howard said one of the good things is that if you own stuff on iTunes it kind of converges with the stuff you rent. Robin said they're going to be pairing it up with video too. Robin said some artists are very excited about that. Howard said that he's glad Netflix is out there. He said that's what this is like. He said it's good for everyone. Howard said he's looking forward to the new OS for the apple stuff. He said you can use multiple apps on the iPad at once when that comes out. Howard said he's been using the Macbook air lately though so he's not even using the iPad.
Robin read a story about Brian Williams and NBC and how they're still trying to work things out. Howard said that anyone can read the news if they have a deep voice and a good presentation. Howard said people really don't care that he was fired. Howard said he heard that Brian will be going to Netflix. He said he'll be sitting home watching Netflix.
Howard wondered how Brian Williams is feeling. He wondered if he has that moment where he realized how ill he is. Howard said it would be great if Lester Holt started telling fake war stories.
Robin said that Caitlyn Jenner has been hit with a lawsuit over the accident that he was involved with a while back. Howard said they interviewed Caitlyn earlier and she's in a big battle with Bruce. Robin read the story about the woman who was injured in the accident. Robin said one woman was killed in that accident.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard him talking about Letterman retiring. He said he recorded all of the shows but the only one he watched was Howard's episode. Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go.
Robin said that there's a picture of the German Prime Minister talking to the President and it looks like he's about to get a lap dance. Howard said he saw that. He said Robin has a dirty mind. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said they're still looking for the two escapees in New York state. Robin said they think that they might be in Canada. Robin said they're looking for them on both sides of the border. Howard said one of the guys is really smart and he could be running a corporation. Howard said that whole case is fucked up. Gary said they came out of the sewer in a residential street. Howard said that they had to have inside help. Howard said someone is saying that one of the guys was well endowed. Howard asked who was saying that. Will Murray came in and said that they keep saying that in the news. He said it's really odd. Howard asked what's well endowed, over 7 inches? Will wasn't sure. Robin said that they say they're doing a lot of construction at the prison and they used power tools to cut their way out. Robin said they were doing construction but not counting the tools that were coming and going. Howard said that one of the guys killed a cop. He said they were allowed to wear street clothes in there and that causes problems. Robin said that Tim Robbins was being called over the story. Robin had a clip of him talking to Conan O'Brien about that.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius and how he's trying to get released early from prison. Howard said that's weird to him. Robin said that the parents are upset of course. Robin said he may be out on parole by August.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked Mick the Nerd except for Hanzi interrupting. He said Hanzi has since posted pictures of him saying that he has sex with kids and pets. Howard said Hanzi is like a terrorist. The caller said that his friends send him screen shots of what Hanzi is doing. Howard asked what you can do about something like that. Howard said he's not sure why social media isn't responsible for that shit. Howard asked if he's going to report him. The caller said he's blocked by Hanzi so he's not sure he can report him.
Howard played a Mick the Nerd gardening tip. He had a couple actually. There was one about using copper around a stem so slugs can't eat through them.
Robin read a story about men who have advanced prostate cancer who ignore the pain. Robin said that part of it is a cultural thing according to one doctor. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Robin said that they say it's very important for people to say something if they feel pain.
Robin read about the Duggar family and that led to Howard and Robin talking about how they shouldn't be shocked that people are talking about it the way they are. Howard said that you just shouldn't put your kids on TV. Robin said they say that the people who got the information about this kid got it through the Freedom of Information Act so they did nothing wrong. Howard said that he might have tuned in to see the show after all of this came out. Robin said they have dropped the show. Robin had audio of Mike Huckabee talking about how this wouldn't happen to a Liberal. He used Lena Dunham as an example. Howard said Sarah Silverman put a quote out that he wants to read about this Lena Dunham stuff. Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin getting in on the Duggar family thing too. Howard said Lena Dunham was 7 years old and did something once that was curiosity. He said that this Duggar was 15 or 16 doing it repeatedly. He said that they have nothing to do with liberal or conservative. Howard read Sarah Palin's quote about the Lena Dunham thing and said she said it better than he ever could. Howard said he's starting to think that Sarah Palin might be an idiot.
Robin read a story about a kid who was accepted to every ivy league college in the country. Robin said that he picked Yale because incoming students were more excited about getting started. Howard said Yale or Harvard you can't go wrong. Robin said this kid was 17 years old.
Robin read a story about hospitals marking up procedures by up to 1000 percent. Robin said they found that 49 of 50 hospitals with the biggest mark ups are for profit. Robin said this is why people have to be watched.
Robin had audio of a model talking about World Blood Donor day. She was talking about how she donates every 56 days.
Robin read a story about Beyonce talking about how she remains so flawless looking. Robin said she talked about her Vegan diet. Howard said they were hyping that up big time. He played a clip of one of those promos. Howard said it was all hyped up and then it turns out it's just her talking about her diet. Howard played some audio of Beyonce talking about that diet and said he couldn't understand what she was even saying. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. He talked about the Royal Blood thing and how great they sounded with just two guys. Jon said that they talked about meeting Jimmy Page. Regan told Jon about some things that other rock stars have been saying about Royal Blood. He said when they zero in on a band like that then you know it's a big deal. He said Grohl and Howard zeroed in on them too.
Jon said he wants to pose this for the audience. He said Hanzi doesn't like Mick the Nerd. Jon said he thought Mick did great yesterday. He said he is the flavor of the moment. He said he thinks he may be playing this the wrong way. Regan said the more you fight it the less people think you have to offer. Jon said Hanzi has to be careful there. He said there is room for everyone. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said that David talked about how well rounded you have to be on Saturday Night Live to keep it going. Regan said if you go past that building when they're in season you see them working all the time over there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Mick the Nerd may not be real. He said his voice is just way too nerdy. He said he sounds like he's doing it. Jon said that he thinks he's like Evil Dave. He said that's just his voice. He said the voice you hear is the way he is off the air. Jon said that the gardening tips were real too. He said he is the real deal. The caller said he'll have to take their word for it then.
Jon said he gets that people think it's fake. He said you think the same thing about Eric the Actor or High Pitch Eric. He said that Mick came off very likeable though. He said there was something sweet about him. Regan said he'd assume that goes along with him being that guy they heard.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to Comic-Con or not and if Mick is going. Jon said they're not sure yet but Mick would be in the mix. He said he'd love to get out to San Diego again to do Comic-Con. Regan said maybe they could get a private jet like Spade talked about.
Jon said he'd love to get the Wack Packers on the plane. He said even if you put people from the show on the plane he thinks they'd be going at each other.
Jon said after the show you'll hear Hanzi going off on Mick the Nerd. Jon said Howard went off on Gary about his book a little bit this morning too. He said that you get the true feeling from Howard about it when he does that. He said it has to hurt Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a friend who has Asperger and he thinks that voice is pretty common with guys who have it. He said that Mick sounds like the real deal to him. Jon said he thinks Mick is a keeper. He said he's getting the same kind of appreciation that Big Foot got when he was first on. He said it seems to be like 95 percent positive.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Mick was good yesterday. He said he thinks they have to revisit his name though. He said he deserves something better than Mick the Nerd. Jon said they did discuss that in a meeting. He said it rolls right off the tongue and it seems to work best. The caller said he thought maybe something like Magic Mick would be good. Jon said he doesn't know about that. He said he thinks it takes away from the guy. Regan said they had a meeting yesterday about it. He said that's awesome that they have a meeting over that. Jon said he wouldn't believe the things they have meetings about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about Mick and Hanzi. He said Mick seems cool but Hanzi just wants everything handed to him. Jon said when you expect stuff that's when you're in trouble. Jon said people seemed to be more humored by Mick. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said they're both awesome but the drummer has the rock star attitude and he really doesn't give a shit. Jon said that they seemed surprised by them knowing the story about the ball thing. Gary said that they heard the audible ''Whoa!'' from the green room when it came out. He said it used to be a secret road story but now it's not secret.
Gary said they really play loud. He said they had to be one of the loudest ever. Jon asked if it's weird that it's just two guys doing it. Regan said there really aren't that many. He said that alternative fans love the band. He said hard rock fans love the band. He said that doesn't happen often. He said that the Foo Fighters are one band that are like that. He said he thinks that they're going to be fine and they wont change up from what they are now.
Gary said that U2 used to be huge and people were really into them. He said that a lot of fans will follow you but once you're too popular then they stop following you.
Jon said that there was a prank call today that Howard played and Howard slammed Gary over his book pretty hard. Jon said Howard said it's a waste of time or something. Gary said he didn't even remember saying some of that stuff in the call. He said it made him laugh.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to tell them that she loved Mick the Nerd. She said that she was getting tired of the Wack Pack and then they bring someone new in. She said she was just about to start tuning out but now she's in it again. Gary said he thinks Mick has made Hanzi a better Wack Packer.
Jon said that they're getting almost unanimous positive feedback on Mick. Gary said that Mick isn't trying to be anyone, he's just being himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved the show today. He asked if they've ever heard of Avenged Sevenfold. Regan had. Gary said he hasn't. The caller asked if they had a track playing in the background. Gary said 100 percent no. He said it sounds like it but no. He said that it's just two people. Jon said that Mike was doing a lot of pedal work. He said it's something to behold. He said they don't miss a trick with each other either. He said if there was a track you'd notice.
Regan said they are another band with just two guys who can play big festival stages and even small rooms. He said they're mild guys but they get up there and just go. He said it's great. Jon said they have the concert coming up on Friday night at 11pm Eastern on Howard 101.
Jon brought up Spade again so he could talk to Gary about that. Gary and Jon talked about how great David is when he comes in. Gary said he thought he was more reflective toady when he was telling the stories about how he has to be the funny guy at the table and he's not sure why. They talked about the Adam Levine discussion they had too. Jon said that David said next time he's just going to come in and hang. Gary said if he's in town then he's welcome to come in and just hang.
Jon asked if Riley and Jay Thomas will ever get along. Gary said that he's not sure how much longer Riley has. He said he sounds really bad. They spent a minute talking about that.
Jon also brought up David Fricke who is on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nomination committee. Gary and Jon spent a short time on that too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have to check out this 15 year old girl who is one of the most smoking guitar players out. He said that her name is Lisa S and she's on YouTube. The caller also asked if Hanzi sounds like David Arquette when he freaks out. Jon said some people have said that. He said he thinks David has had a better career than Hanzi has though.
Jon asked Regan about his show and also talked to Gary about going to the Governor's Ball over the weekend. Regan and Gary told some stories about that. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's been contemplating the future. He said he's not sure if they'll be there next year. He said a lot goes through his mind. He said he thinks about how nice it would be not to have a job. He said he'd like to join the jobless. Howard said he can play that Xbox. Howard said he wants to live the lifestyle of Jeff the Drunk. He asked if he hasn't earned that. Robin said he can get rid of his DVR and just have rabbit ears. Howard said he really doesn't know what will happen.
Robin said the future is in his hands. Howard said he sometimes thinks he doesn't want to work anymore. He said the alarm went off this morning and he thought about how guys his age slow down. Howard said then 10 minutes later it wasn't so bad. Howard said it defines who he is. He said that he might work a couple more years. He said that's the debate. He said then he thinks about 5 years ago he wasn't sure and Sal didn't have a plan for his future. Howard said that he doesn't know if anything changed for him.
Howard asked Sal if he's ready. He asked if he does decide not to work is he ready. Sal came in and said that he doesn't give a shit. He said he's not ready. He said he'll just stay home with the kids and his wife will work. He said that this was a wonderful time with Howard.
Howard said a lot of people are talking about this Arthur Ashe award for Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said now they're saying that they don't think she deserves that award. Howard said he was listening to Bob Costas when he was talking about that. Howard said that he was saying that it's courageous but not that courageous. Howard said you have to go through 50 wind ups before you say anything negative about her. Howard said he didn't even know there was an Arthur Ashe award. Sal didn't even know who he was.
Howard asked Sal if he's ready or not. Sal said he has put together college plans for his kids. He said he's in a much better position than he was 5 years ago. Howard said he's done nothing. Robin said that Sal would have lost his house 5 years ago. Now he has a few months. Sal said he'll hang out with Howard if he retires. He said he'll be his personal assistant.
Howard played the clip where he pranked Sal about retiring and he broke down crying. Howard said he could have kept that going for hours.
Howard said part of his problem is that he has guys like Sal who have done zero planning. Howard said it's like '''fuck you.'' Sal said he has no obligations to him. Howard said that Sal is living an unrealistic life. Howard said here is no job that lasts 10 years in radio. Howard said this isn't a normal thing in radio. Howard said Sal didn't plan ahead even though he told him to. Sal said he's in a better position. He said he has been putting 15 percent of his money into his kid's college fund. He said that if Howard does retire maybe he'll get a job somewhere else. Howard said he'll be doing yard work.
Howard said in 2009 Sal was $50,000 in debt. Sal said he got rid of all of that. He said that he paid off all of that. Howard said good. Sal said he only has one credit card on him and that's only for emergencies. Howard said that a lot of people are out of control with their credit cards. Howard said that it's tough to get by but he made much less money than Sal ever did. He said he was never in debt. Howard said he's not going to pay someone 33 percent to borrow money.
Sal asked if they're going to wear diapers. Howard said he likes the idea. Howard said that the idea is to have the saggiest diaper so you're encouraged to use it. Howard said he understands it. Sal said they all put on one and at the news they weigh the diaper.
Howard said Mad Dog Russo was telling him that he was livid that Sal didn't save money last time. Sal said that he hit the roof. Howard asked Gary to see if Mad Dog is around. Sal said he was lecturing him about that. Howard said Mad Dog begged him not to leave. Robin asked if this was recently. Howard said this was just this morning. Gary went to get Mad Dog.
Howard said Mad Dog is coming in now. He asked him about the whole thing he was talking to Sal about. It was actually Sour Shoes doing his Mad Dog Russo impression. Fake Mad Dog was telling Howard what he thought about that whole thing 5 years ago. Mad Dog said that this is a problem with society today. He said he knows that Sal had about ''noine'' credit cards back then.
Howard said he was listening to Mad Dog's show and he gets pissed whenever they bring up Tom Brady. Mad Dog went off on Brady and his father for pandering to the NFL. Howard tried to get him going but Sour Shoes was starting to break into another impression of the Mad Dog Radio intro. Howard said he gets really angry. Mad Dog went off on Brady for a few seconds.
Howard said that Mad Dog was telling Sal about how he can save money by getting a McDonald's iced tea instead of a Snapple. He can save a few bucks with that.
Howard asked Sal if he learned anything from Mad Dog. Sal said he's an asshole. That set Mad Dog off. Howard asked if Mad Dog wants to say anything to Tom Brady now. Mad Dog freaked out on the family.
Howard asked Mad Dog about the E cigarettes that Sal is smoking. Mad Dog said they're not so bad. Howard said that he didn't want to tell him this but Sal is a big Mike Francesa fan. That led to Sour going into his Mike Francesa impression for a few seconds. Howard let them go after that.
Howard played a bit with Caitlyn Jenner talking about Stink Puss and using Summer's Eve on that. They went to break after that.
Howard said Sour Shoes is there so maybe they can do Dueling Garys singing ''I Got You Babe.'' Howard said he has a fantasy that you can't tell the difference. Howard had Gary and Sour come in. Sour did his Gary impression where he clears his throat. Howard said he can hear Gary doing that first thing in the morning. Howard asked Gary why he odes that. Sour answered saying that he gets nervous coming in there.
Howard asked who is going to go first. Real Gary said that he was going first. Sour would go second. They started the song and Gary did his thing and then Sour Gary did his thing. He threw in a bunch of references to Gary's ''Noine'' and things like that. Gary was reading his lines. Sour Gary was so close to real Gary that it was scary. Sour Gary kept clearing his throat.
Howard said you can't tell the difference. Sour kept doing the ''noine'' thing. Real Gary stuck to the lyrics. Howard let them go on for a little longer and Sour kept saying lines that Gary is known for saying. Howard said that was very nice.
Robin said she has to hear that back. Howard asked if Artie liked that. Sour broke into his Artie voice and said that he thinks those two Garys are in love. Sour did his Artie and Howard tried to get him back into Gary but he was half Artie and half Gary for a second. Howard let Sour out of there after that.
Howard said he has audio of Mick talking about his zits. Howard played a clip of Mick talking about how they used to call him Kirk McBoily because of his zits. Howard said he has a clip of him arguing with a Godzilla fan too. Howard said this is like Revenge of the Nerds 4. He said Mick knows more about Godzilla than the guy in the suit. Howard said that was great.
Howard said that he has another clip of Mick talking about Superman and The Hulk and who is stronger. Mick was talking about the different hulks and which one is stronger. He was giving information that the people he was talking to didn't know about.
Howard said Mick plays a game called Dance Revolution. Howard said it's like a big board you dance on. Howard played that clip and Mick was talking about playing the game and he was making noises as he was talking about the moves. Howard played a clip of Mick making different noises too. Howard said there will be more of Mick but that doesn't mean they can't have Hanzi too. Howard said everyone is ready to dump him but they don't have to.
Howard said that he thought that Gary song was great. Robin said that Sour throws in all of the Gary references but the impression is spotless. Howard said Sour Gary is much funnier than Gary.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and she said she'd love to hear Dueling Sour. She said she live tweeted America's Got Talent last night. Howard said he saw the show earlier in the day. He went to bed early. Mariann talked about some of the stuff on the show last night. Howard said that 96 year old woman dancing blew his mind. Howard said his parents are up there and that woman didn't walk like an old woman. He said she was hot when she was a young woman. Mariann said it was a great show. Howard said he loved the thumb tack guy. Howard said Jackass was a big phenomenon because they were likeable. Howard said that guy made him laugh. Howard said he was funny. He said sometimes they do stuff on stage that they've never done before.
Robin said the guys who balanced on two knives was crazy. Howard said that was really dangerous too. Mariann said that Mel B drops the F-bomb a lot when they're taping. She said she's not sure why because there are a lot of young kids in the audience. Howard said she gets a laugh and she keeps doing that. He said that they cut it out of the show.
Mariann was talking about some article she read and Howard cut her off and let her go. Howard said that Hanzi went nuts and deleted his Twitter account yesterday. Howard said that sometimes celebrities will do that too. Howard said Hanzi is not on Twitter right now. Howard said maybe they'll hear from him today about that.
Howard said he was back there when Richard did that and it was like his Citizen Cane. He said he was so proud. Howard said it was phony phone call mania back there. Howard said they cut up some Dr. Ruth clips and made some calls to a cab company. They had her asking for Robin and the guy got angry about that. They had her telling the guy to shut up so she could talk. The guy hung up and they called back saying that the guy had hung up on their mother. Then they had Dr. Ruth saying she wanted to go to Israel so the guy hung up again.
Howard said he has more hijinks to play later. He said they were very busy back there. Howard said at one point they dragged in Medicated Pete and Asian Pete. He said that they put an astrologist on with both Petes and the astrologist had no idea what was going on. Howard played the Pete and Pete show bit where Medicated Pete and Asian Pete were talking to this woman Janet. Asian Pete would say something and the woman didn't understand. Medicated Pete would ask questions that made no sense. Janet had no idea what was going on.
Howard said the show was called Pete and Pete in the morning but Asian Pete said ''Good afternoon'' when they got Janet on. Howard said that Medicated Pete was snorting into the phone. He said that he has to get to Colin Quinn so he's going to take a quick break.
Howard came back and said that he wanted Robin to go out with John Legend. Howard said he was married though. Howard said he thought he'd be good for Robin.
Howard said Colin Quinn is there. He said that he got turned on to Colin on the show ''Remote Control.'' Howard said that was the first introduction to him. Robin said she was looking at Colin and almost didn't hear what Howard was saying. Colin said he has a new look. He had a beard. Howard said he reminds him of Clapton but he has no guitar talent. Howard said he was watching Colin on The View talking about his book (''The Coloring Book: A Comedian Solves Race Relations in America''). Howard said that he had no idea that he had knowledge of race relations. Howard said Colin talks about how dangerous it can be for white people to talk about black people. Colin said he doesn't think he did that.
Colin said that before they get into the book he wants to talk about something else. He said never mind, they'll do it Howard's way. Howard thanked him. Colin said that Howard used to talk about Roosevelt for 3 hours every morning. Howard said you can't do that anymore.
Howard said that the room can get very tense when you talk about race now. Howard asked Colin about something he points out in the book. Howard said he identifies 3 types of black people. He said the first group is black people who like white people. Colin said they like being around them and that's just the way it is. Colin said there is a second group who like both white and black people. He says President Obama is one of them. Howard said that there are black people who don't like white people and they don't care about Chris Brown battering Rihannna. Howard asked if black people like Colin Quinn. Robin said they may not hear these things. Colin said Patrice O'Neal once said that he's a man in the middle.
Howard asked Colin what he's trying to teach the world. Colin said he doesn't know. He said people act like there's a racial discussion going on and it's just not happening. He said people hate each other. He said there should be a weekly show about that.
Howard asked Colin if he saw that star Trek episode where they had the half white guy and half black guy. Colin said he hated that show. He said he never watched it.
Howard said Colin talks about how there are 9 types of Hispanic people in the book. Robin asked where she is in the group of blacks. Colin said there are many types. He said he's a cultural expert. He didn't say where Robin stood.
Howard said that Colin talks about how he had a lot of different races coming through his house when he was a kid. Howard said Colin used to play basketball and he was the only white guy on the team. Colin said he was done by 15. He said he was drinking by then. Howard said black people liked him because he could make them laugh. Colin said he would get into fights and he'd lose but people still liked him. Colin said as long as you put on a show it was good. He said that Howard knows that. Howard said that he got batten up a lot. Colin said he did at times. He said he thinks that all comedians got beat up a lot.
Howard said Colin went to a party to impress a girl and he wanted to be a big shot in front of her but the mob was there. Colin said that she felt like she got a light bag of weed. He said that she thought she got beat out on that. Colin said he went over and told the guy that he gave her a light bag. Colin said he started swinging at the guy when he didn't do anything. Howard said the grandmother comes over and kicks him in the ear. Howard asked why she did that. Colin said the guy was invited to the party and he was ruining the whole thing.
Howard said the guys who owned the place beat him up too. Colin said that they didn't beat him up. He said they taught him a lesson.
Howard said the craziest thing he read in the book was that Colin's father had a girlfriend who let him feel her up. Colin said that wasn't his dad. He said it was a friend's dad. He said that the guy was a cool dad and he knew about it. Colin said that it was free love and they thought that they should be able to experiment. He said they took them to Prospect Park and they were going to have a sleep over. He said this was in 1970. He said he's not sure how it started but they were all feeling her up when she was topless. He said they were 9 or 10 at the time. He said that they would call it molestation now. He said he thinks it was the happiest moment in his life though.
Howard asked if touching a woman has ever been that good again. Colin said a few months later this guy was dating another woman and it was happening again. Colin said his father came to pick him up the next day and the guy told his dad that he was very interested in sex. He said it was a very quiet walk home.
Howard said Colin didn't tell anyone what happened. Howard said these days the kids talk and it ruins the whole thing. Colin said those kids should be ashamed. Howard said what's even odder is that this father let the son feel up the girlfriend. Colin said back then it was like there was nothing wrong with sex and you had to be healthy. Howard said the guy must have grown up to be Hugh Hefner.
Howard said he is very possessive of women and he'd never let a kid feel up a girlfriend. Colin said that the guy was very loose. Howard asked if they got to make out with her. Colin said he doesn't think that was going to happen. He said there were guys who were fingering her. Colin said he thinks he had his hand down her pants. Colin said that this chick was just smiling.
Robin said this sounds like the Manson family. Howard said that this would be all over the news and lawsuits would be going on if it happened today. Colin said that they had their thing and no one needed to know. Howard asked if he ever tired to find that woman on Facebook. Colin said he didn't know their names.
Howard said Colin tells a story in his book about beating someone up and then he got beat up for doing that. Colin said that they didn't like his dirty fighting technique. He said he didn't win a lot of fights and he fought dirty.
Howard said the book ''The Coloring Book: A Comedian Solves Race Relations in America'' is available everywhere.
Howard said that Colin worked as a bartender and he was an alcoholic. He occasionally used coke. He said that led to a life of depravity. Colin said he never had money for coke. He said he'd be so drunk and he'd spend all of his money on that.
Howard said he noticed a pattern with Colin. Howard said he went to the Saturday Night Live party and he thought nothing was going on there so he went home and missed all of the fun. Howard said he does the same things. He said he was at a dinner party and it was legendary. He said it was filled with some of the most famous people. Howard said after he left all of the best shit went down. Howard said it was already 10:30 at night when he left. He said he had dinner and left. Howard said he's not 15. Howard said he can't stay up all night.
Colin said that he's not a kid either so he doesn't want to stay out. He said that he went to do a benefit show and they had a band performing. He said he saw 3 songs and he had to get out of there. Howard said he leaves and people ask him why he's leaving. Howard said he doesn't know what's going to happen. He said David Spade was on the other day talking about how he has to hang out to see what happens at parties and stuff. Colin said those guys always want to go out. Colin said nothing happens. He said nothing has happened since 1968. Howard said he really digs Colin. Howard said that you get smarter when you get older. Howard said he thinks he was smart when he was a kid though.
Howard said Colin went to the 40th anniversary for Saturday Night Live. Colin said he did. He said when he was there he had an attitude. He said he looks back on that. Howard said he's amazed with his attitude. Howard said he describes in his book how he'd go on an audition and he was such a cocky asshole that he'd tell them that the script was shit. Colin said that he can fix scripts and he knows how to do that. He said it was really none of his business to tell someone the script sucked though.
Colin told Howard about how he got hired on Saturday Night Live. He said Fred Wolf helped with that. He said Lorne loved him. He said he treated him great there. Howard said that he's surprised that Lorne hired him. He said he was on Remote Control and he did have some fame from that. Howard said Lorne usually likes unknown guys. Howard said Sandler was on that show too though.
Howard said Colin did a horrible audition for Saturday Night Live. Howard said he earned his way on the air though. Colin said he did and Lorne treated him good. He said that he doesn't really talk to anyone there anymore. Howard asked if he felt like an outsider there at the anniversary show. Colin said he does but he made himself that way. Colin said he felt odd being Lorne's favorite when he was there. He said that was weird for him. He said that you don't want to be that even when it's a good thing. Colin said when he took over for Norm he felt like he was sabotaging that. He said that he was taking Norm's thing after he was fired. Howard said Norm was amazing. He said he was funny as hell. He was dismissed as not being funny but that was odd. Howard said Colin had to take over for Norm. He asked if he had to write some of Norm's jokes. Colin said no but he was his best friend there at Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if he felt horrible and called Norm. Colin said he doesn't remember how it went down but Norm was a total gentleman. He said that it made him weird in that spot. He said it was like a curse. Colin said he couldn't own it and enjoy it.
Howard said at NBC he thought about how he wasn't able to make it enjoyable. Howard said he could have been looser. Colin said he should have just left after a couple of shows. He said he loved his first 2 and a half years there. He said the Update thing was just ugly for him. He said he was happy to be back there at the 40th. He said the memories flooded back and it was the first 2 years that he remembered.
Howard asked who he sat with there. Colin said it was Whoopi Goldberg. Howard asked if he went up to everyone and talked to them. Colin said he went up to the guys he worked with. He said he didn't bother the other cast members.
Colin said that he rewrote Crocodile Dundee 2. He said he had his girlfriend type it up. He said he handed the script to the producers with him as the co-lead.
Howard said that Colin says Weekend Update is outdated now. He said they only do it once a week while the Daily Show is doing it 4 days a week. Colin said he never said that either. He said that it could be argued that The Daily Show was started because of Update. Colin said that most of Weekend Update has to be written by the end of the week. He said it makes it harder to do.
Howard asked if Colin paid attention to the ranking in Rolling Stone. Colin said he thinks he was like number 88. Howard said that's such a ridiculous list. Colin said he felt like they hammered some people. He said that he still stands by the work he did in his first two and a half years. He said he did that Lion character. He said he did Joe Blow too. He said he did a few that were good.
Howard gave Colin another plug for his book and Colin said he may not care if he sells 10 copies. Howard said he thinks he does care. Colin said okay. Howard asked why he would write it. Colin said he found himself in a book deal and people said that he should write one.
Howard said Colin did a great play and now he has this book and he's going to make it into a play. Colin said he's working with Jerry Seinfeld again on that. Howard asked if they meet regularly. Colin said they do. Colin said Jerry loved the chapter on the Jews in the book. Howard asked what he has learned about the Jews. Colin said he has learned a lot. Howard said in the book he said that the Jews really do run Hollywood because Mel Gibson has been shunned.
Howard said Colin tells a story about getting sober at one point. Then he ran into Sam Kinison. Howard said Sam was always doing coke. Howard said he would do it on the radio show. Howard said he used to have to tell Sam that he can't do that stuff in the studio. Colin said he was in Daytona Beach with Sam and Ken Ober. He said Ken died. Howard said he didn't know that. Colin said that Ken had called that week and it seemed like he knew he was going to die. Howard asked if he committed suicide. Colin said that he died from a heart attack and maybe because of the medication he was taking. He said he may have abused that medication.
Howard asked about meeting Sam Kinison. Colin said they were in Daytona for MTV. He said they would go to the strip clubs and the girls would run to them to hang out with them. Howard said it's amazing the power MTV had back then. Howard said they were the thing back then. Colin said that Kinison was big too. Howard said it was Ken, Sam and Colin. Colin said they were going to parties and they went in the elevator and about 12 strippers were in there. Colin said that they had a big thing of coke. He said it was big containers of coke. He said they had all of the rooms on the top floor. Howard said Sam didn't believe in saving money.
Colin said they were going up to the top floor but he hit the 12th floor and knew he had to do that or he'd end up doing coke. He said he stood and watched the elevator door close as they were looking at him like he was nuts.
Howard said when you have that kind of success do you think it's going to last forever. Colin said no. He said he was a comedian and he wanted to do that and not that other stuff. Howard said it could have gone to his head. Colin said he would have been dead that week if he had gone to that room. Howard said that's healthy that he isn't affected by stardom.
Howard said he has tried to read the book A Confederacy of Dunces. He said that Colin used to try to get girls to read it and if they didn't get it or finish it then he'd dump them. Colin said that's right. Howard said he tried to get through it and he can't. Colin said that he's read it like 50 times. Howard said he can't get through it. Colin said that's infuriating to him. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel gave him a copy to read and he wasn't able to get through it. Colin said that when you read it the first 20 pages are nonsense. He said it's hard to get into. Howard said he wants to hang with Colin but he has to read it. Colin said he has to read it for himself. Howard said the book saved Colin from killing himself. Colin said it did. He said during his depressive times he read the book. He said the two things that helped him in the 90s was the book and listening to this show. Howard said he's sweet. Colin said it's true. Howard said that the guy who wrote that book killed himself. Colin said they gave him so many notes and they have to fuck with things and ruin it.
Howard asked if he thought about killing himself. Colin said he didn't know how he'd do it but maybe jump off a balcony. Howard said that L.A. was depressing. Colin said that it's not good for stand up comedy. Howard asked why that is. Colin said he thinks it's because that's where the dream is. He said that's the greatest place in one way. He said that's what you dream of but that place doesn't fix you. He said you're in your car all by yourself a lot. He said there's a lot of confrontation out there for you.
Colin said he saw David Brenner on the Tonight Show with an open shirt and all dressed up. He said he looked like he was having a blast out there. Howard said Brenner was having a blast. Howard asked Colin if he goes out and realizes he isn't going to have it. Colin said you can have it but it won't fix you. He said you're forced to confront your reality there.
Howard gave Colin another plug for his book. Howard said Colin talks about how he understands prejudice. Colin said he knows plenty of black people who hate white people but they'd die for their white friends. Howard asked what they learned from that. Colin said he has no idea.
Howard said Colin is great and his book will do great. Howard asked how long he spent writing the book. Colin said it was years. Howard said this is his Confederacy of Dunces. Colin said that's blasphemy. He said he has read that book like 50 times. Maybe sections of it. Howard said he's going to try to read that book.
Howard said he heard he met Sour Shoes out in the green room. Colin said he was doing the Gary thing out there. Howard asked if he wanted to talk to Artie, Gary or Mad Dog. Howard had Gary bring in Sour Artie. Colin seemed to think that it was going to be the real Artie. Howard said this is ''RD''.
Sour Shoes came in and did his Artie impression for Colin. Sour had Howard and Colin laughing at the impression. Sour Artie was talking about how he met Colin and things like that. Colin said that's amazing. Artie said he had to get back to sleep now.
Colin said that guy is a savant. He said he should put together some kind of show. Robin said it would be great if he could do that.
Howard said he wishes him all the luck with the book. Howard said he heard that Colin is mad at him for not being at the birthday show. Colin said that he was not mad at all. He said he knows he doesn't care about that stuff. Howard said Colin wouldn't have gone. Colin said he would have gone. He said he would have bummed out though. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Adam Sandler. Colin said sure. Howard said he's on Girls too. Colin said it's great. Howard asked how Lena found him. Colin said maybe through Judd. Howard said he seems tired now. He said he should let him go. He wrapped up and gave Colin another plug for his book and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Howard said he catches himself singing the song sometimes. He said it can be taken the wrong way. Howard said mostly he's by himself.
Howard said that Mark Harris is back. Howard said he married Martha Ray. Howard said anyone under 40 may not know. He said he's now sure how to explain him to them. Howard said Mark mailed them two songs but they're basically the same as every other song he sings. Howard said Mark is singing about Hillary Clinton and he finds it odd because the republican party is against gay marriage. Howard said Mark is gay. Robin said there is no rational purpose behind that. Howard said he's not sure how it affects anyone in any way. He said it's just so weird.
Howard said that he just can't go along with that bullshit from that group. Howard said it defeats logic. Howard said they seem to have a good view of the world but they're against abortion and things like that. Howard said they're mostly dudes who are against it. Howard said they can't tell him they're for adoptions either.
Howard got back to Mark Harris and played his song about Hillary Clinton. Mark was singing about Benghazi and all of that. Howard said Mark is back with the same old song but new lyrics. Howard said he has one about Obama too. Howard played that song and it was a different music track for a change. Howard said he imagines him dressed as Cleopatra while singing that one. Howard said that song ends very abruptly.
Howard said he thinks Wendy once shit her pants during an interview. Robin said she has done everything. Howard asked if Robin did the story about Charlie Sheen having food poisoning. Gary said it was on TMZ. He said that Charles said he had food poisoning. Howard said he has a voicemail from Charlie. It was fake Charlie Sheen leaving a message about the food poisoning thing.
Howard played JD's Beef of the Week clip. In the clip JD complains about Sony remaking the movie ''Big Trouble in Little China.'' he was upset that they might screw it up. Howard said JD is such a little weirdo. He said he's a freak. Howard said look at what he's worried about. Howard asked if he really cares. JD said he does.
Howard said he has a clip of this director named Uwe Boll who made a movie called Rampage. Howard said he doesn't think a lot of people saw it. Howard said this guy tried to get a Kickstarter going to make Rampage 3 and no one contributed. Howard said that the guy had a meltdown over it. Howard said if no one is into it then just get over it. Howard said the guy says he's leaving the business now. Howard said he loves this rant. Howard played some of the audio of Boll talking about the campaign he had running on Kickstarter. He was saying that crowd funding is over for him. He said he has enough money to play golf until he's dead so he doesn't care anyway. Robin said it's good to know that no one cares about it. Howard said that he's saying he has enough money but then he goes off on the rich later in the rant. Howard said he's talking about killing the rich. Howard said he goes off on a rant on J-Lo too.
Howard played another clip of Boll going off on the Iron Man movies and other comic book movies. He said it's all about the money. He went off on Jennifer Lopez calling her a demanding Mexican bitch. He said it's so fake and absurd and he wishes they'd all be wiped out. He said we have to kill the fucking rich. Howard said that must be what Rampage 3 would be about. Howard said maybe they should crowd fund that movie.
Howard said there was a woman who was angry about Caitlyn Jenner and she goes off on her saying she's no hero and she's a hot mess and all of this other stuff. Howard said that people are so upset about it but he doesn't get why. Howard asked how that affects you. He said he has a feeling that people who are upset about this are people who want to date her.
Howard played the clip of this woman going off on Caitlyn saying that she didn't mean any disrespect to the transgender community. She said that she will continue to call her Bruce. She said that she's upset about getting the trophy for courage. She said that doesn't take courage to tuck his penis behind his behind. She said that she looks a hot fucking mess on the cover of that magazine. She said he's a bad influence on his kids too. Howard said this woman is sitting in the shittiest looking apartment talking about Bruce Jenner. Howard said it doesn't matter. It has no bearing on her world.
Howard played more of the audio of the woman going off on Caitlyn. Robin said maybe this might have happened to her. Howard said that she talks about that in the clip. He played her talking about how she's been married for 25 years and this better not happen to her. She said he can't come home and do that to her. Howard said he's thinking about who lives next to this woman as she's screaming. Howard said that this is the hate Bruce Jenner has to deal with. Howard said she must have some anger toward her husband. Howard said she says she'd kill him if he did that to her. Howard said he'd do anything to get that husband a sex change just to hear this woman rant.
Howard said High Pitch Eric was on Joey Boots' podcast ranting about Muslims. Howard said he was going off about the stuff they sell on the carts. He didn't remember the name of it. Howard said it was Halal. He played some of the audio of Eric going off about security at the airports. Robin said Eric worked at the airport doing security. Howard said he had a clip of him going off on the Halal carts. Eric said that when you see someone put a mat on the floor you know they're up to something no good. Joey said that maybe they're just praying. Eric said you don't know what they're saying to themselves. He said they could be saying something really bad.
Howard said that Eric is 400 pounds and has gout and has to use a cane but he's worried about the Halal cart. Howard said maybe they're doing that so they have time to pray. Howard said that's just some of the things going on in their world.
The caller told him that his dad just passed away so he should spend more time with him. He said his dad lived to 94. Howard said he should have spent more time with him. The caller said he did. Howard said he can spend time with his dad then. Robin said people assume that everyone's relationship is the same as theirs. Robin said when she was trying to find greeting cards for mother's day and father's day she wasn't ale to find anything. She said it was all about parents who did things for you. She said none of that happened.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's got a crush on Colin Quinn. She said she loves him. She said she's so glad that he came back on the show. Mariann said that she has a whole time line for Howard and the end of this contract. She said she figured he only has 60 more shows left. Howard said that sounds like a lot of shows. Howard said it can't be that many. Mariann said she took some vacation shows out. Howard said they should wind down like Letterman did. Howard said that he's not sure what point you stop. Mariann said that Howard isn't ready to stop yet.
Mariann said that she has a problem with her radio and she's been trying to fix it for the past two weeks. Howard cut her off and said she had better come up with a plan for when he retires.
Robin said that people keep asking her what she's going to do if Howard retires. Robin said she has no idea.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a new subscriber. She said she finds it offensive when he refers to transgender people as guys who just cut their cocks off. Howard said that people are getting too politically correct like Jerry Seinfeld said. Howard said that they all know it's not being cut off. Robin said they have said LGBT for a long time and they joke about it being ABCLGBT. Robin said it's actually now LGBTIQA. Robin explained the extra letters. Howard had Robin talking over the woman on the phone who said she knows she's part of a bit. She said she looks pretty good and she hasn't had any surgery. She said people think she looks like Uma Thuramn. She said she has a nose like Howard though. Howard said she looks like Uma with a Pinnochio nose.
The caller was still going on about the transgender thing but Howard cut her off and played a clip of one of their people out on the street asking people if they know what LGBT stands for.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had auditioned for America's Got Talent. He didn't make it on TV. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Robin thanked him for explaining that because she had no idea what he was talking about. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about Katy Perry a little bit. Robin said that she is in a feud with Taylor Swift. Robin said Taylor's new song ''Bad Blood'' is about Katy. Howard played some of the song and said at least she's singing about chicks now. Howard said he hates it when they talk over songs. He said that the guy is in the middle of the song talking over it. Howard said she doesn't sound that angry in the song. Howard said that he can see that she's upset about not being that close.
Howard said he likes that she sings about that. He said it makes it interesting. Robin said they're waiting to see if Katy will respond in a song. Robin said Katy says that won't happen. Howard said that he and Jay Leno used to be close. Howard said he was one of his favorite stand ups. He said he turned out to be a punk and a little bitch. Howard said he and Imus used to have mad love too. Howard said he really didn't. He said he can't relate to that song.
Howard said that maybe Robin and her parents. Robin said no. Howard said he's kind of missing the guy singing over that song. He came back a short time later.
Howard asked Robin which side she's on. Robin said Katy has done the show. She hasn't been back in years though. Howard said he was going to take Taylor Swift's side. Howard said maybe Robin is right. Howard said she did appear once. Howard said if Taylor wants them on her side she has to come in. Howard said there was a time when she was coming in but then it turned into a big saga. Gary said it's been an ongoing discussion. Howard said she should just come in with a guitar and have fun. Gary said that Miley should come in. Howard said she can come in.
Sour Shoes got on the microphone and tried saying something but he was breaking up. He had to back off the microphone. Sour was doing the Gary impression but he was still breaking up. JD had him back off. Sour Gary told Howard that he called her noine times starting at noine oh noine. Howard asked if he talked to the guys in the back. He said he did. Howard let Sour Gary go. Sour said that his shrimp is there. He made eating noises. He was having shrimp, black and white cookies, Linguine and Bruce Springsteen tickets. Sour kept going with tons of references that Gary would make. He kept saying ''Okay... right.'' Sal was giving him things to say so he was getting confused.
Howard said that was Gary eating shrimp, Linguine and black and white cookies. Sour got back on and said that Taylor sounds great on vinyl. He said she sounds great on Sonos too. He made more ''noine'' references. Howard said they can hear Sal whispering now. Howard asked Gary if he has ever put Sonos on vinyl. Sour Gary said he just did it the other day. Sour kept going until Howard told him to stop. He had so many Gary references.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he freaks out when Howard brings up retiring. Bobo said he wonders what he's going to do. Howard said he has to figure something out. Bobo said last night's America's Got Talent was great. Howard said just wait for the extreme shows. Howard said they have a lot coming up. Howard said people do crazy stuff to get on that show. Howard said they had one woman blow herself up in her car and he could feel the heat from the fire from so far away.
Howard let Bobo go and Fred played him out with a theme song about how he's the worst caller ever. Howard said they're going to take a break and then get to the news.
Howard tried taking a call but the guy wasn't there so he said it's time for news. They played Robin into the news with a song parody about her titties. That was from Chris Wilding who is also the guy who does phony phone calls for them. Howard said he has a new one that Chris made. Howard said he called a TV Show that featured a telepath. Howard played the call and Chris said his name is Mark Shaw Jr. (Big Foot's real name). He then asked if either of them would lick Howard Stern's ball sack. The woman on the show said she already had and it wasn't so special. Howard said he's going to sue her for saying she licked his ball sack.
Sour Gary said he'd lick Howard's balls. Howard said he is very devoted. Sour said that he got new caps. Howard asked if he has to change them every 10 years. Sour said that it's noine years.
Howard said as long as Gary is in there they can rate some Baba Booey shout outs. Howard said that he has so many of these. Howard said he has a Baba Booey mention from a news program. They were talking about a screw up at a golf game and the reporter used it saying that's what they call a Baba Booey.
Howard said he has another one from channel 12 news in New Jersey. In the clip the guy was talking about the forecast and someone yelled out a Baba Booey from the live broadcast. Robin said she'd give that a 7. Sour Gary gave it a 6 but an upside down 6 is a noine.
Howard had another couple of shout outs from a news report at the Indy 500. There were multiple people screaming it out there. Howard said those were 10s. Robin said at least a 9. Sour gave it a 2 but multiplied it by 4.5 to make it a noine.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. Howard asked if Sour is sticking around for the news. Sour did his Artie voice waking up in the middle of the news.
Robin read a story about the new Apple IOS 9 operating system and some of the features it will have. Howard asked Sour Gary what his favorite IOS is. He said it's noine of course. Robin read more about the IOS 9 thing and Sour Gary had a few comments during that. Robin mentioned that it can keep track of your cervical mucus. Sour Artie asked for some food to eat during the news.
Robin read about how happy doctors are with the surgery they've done on Caitlyn Jenner so far. Robin said that she's still has the penis though. Robin said this is about the face and jaw line and all of that. That led to Howard talking to Sour Gary about his teeth. Sour said that they tried to get that doctor to fix his teeth. Sour Artie said that he would fuck Caitlyn. He made a racist comment and that brought out Sour Mad Dog Russo saying that was disgusting. Howard said that's not really Artie for those who thought it was.
Robin read a story about how they may change a street name where Bruce Jenner has a street named after him. Howard said he thinks that if they named it after Bruce it should stay Bruce. Howard said they celebrated Bruce and not Caitlyn. Gary (the real one) said they had that with Sternthology the other day. He said that Jon Hein promoted a Bruce Jenner interview calling her Caitlyn. Gary said that it was with Bruce, not Caitlyn.
Robin read more about how tough it would be to change those street names. Howard said you keep it Bruce. Sour Gary said he thinks they're going to call it Severed Penis Lane.
Robin read about how Madame Tussauds is going to have a transgender statue. Howard said that Sour's parents are going to get upset with him for making racist comments. Sour said that they got mad at him for making too many prank calls to a radio station. He said that their phone bill was at least $600 so he got grounded. He said he wasn't able to use the phone from October to March. Howard asked how old he is. Sour said he was born in 1979. Howard had to do the math to figure out how old he was. Howard said he's 36 and he got grounded. Sour said he did some chores to get it cut down.
Real Gary came in and said that he has a story about Sour that he may not want to tell. Sour said that he can tell that story. Gary said it's about how he got Mark Wahlberg's number. Gary said the other story is too much. Howard asked if he learns from his mistakes. Sour said he does. Howard said it's weird to get grounded at 37 years old.
Gary said that Sour was in a movie as an extra. He saw John Woo making a phone call and he got a number and pretended to call him as Mark Wahlberg and he asked if he had his number and Woo gave him the number. He said that he calls Mark once every few years. Howard asked if he talks to him. Sour said he does listen to him. Howard said he's out of control. Howard asked if anyone can get him under control. Sour said his dad can. Howard asked if he has some kind of disorder. Sour said he doesn't know. Howard said that he must be smart.
Howard asked if he understands he has to stay away from the phone when his parents tell him to. Sour said he does. Howard asked if they call him Sour. Sour said they call him Michael.
Richard Christy came in and said that Sour has so many great stories. He said Steve Langford went to his house and he told Langford that he can't talk about the prank calls or he'd get in trouble. Sour did his Artie impression saying that he thought Hanzi's parents had it bad. Howard said it's like being a little kid but he's in his 30s. Howard asked if he ever dreams of having his own apartment. Sour said he doesn't. He said he wants it to stay like it was when he was little. He said that's why he likes this show.
Sour said he called up Don Imus doing his Gary voice and talked to him about inviting him to Howard's birthday show. He did an impression of what that sounded like. Howard asked if he really got on with him. Sour said he did. He said he thinks it's on YouTube. He said he called another time and he was ready for him. He said he knows he shouldn't do that because it misrepresents Gary. Sour did his Imus voice in that too and that was a great impression too.
Robin got back to her news and read more about the Madame Tussauds and how they're going to be doing a wax figure of Laverne Cox. Howard said that it's weird to be a transgender and be named Cox.
Robin read a story about Fashion Police and how Melissa Rivers is going to replace her mother. Howard said he didn't know the show was such a big deal.
Robin read about how Bon Jovi is going to be throwing his support behind Hillary Clinton. Robin said he's a long time democrat. Sour Artie said he's a good Jersey guy. Artie said that he loves the new pasta sauce. Howard had a conversation with Sour Artie for a minute. Sour went into his Mad Dog voice for a short time too.
Robin said that Avicii collaborated with Madonna on her new album. She said that he says they had some creative differences though. Robin said the demo version leaked online and he liked that better than what was released. Robin had clips of both versions that Howard played. Howard said he likes that song. Sour Artie talked about that a little bit too.
Robin read a story about how men who have breadwinner wives are more likely to cheat than men who bring home the money. Robin read the details of that. Howard said you'd think that guys who have bread winner wives would appreciate them.
Howard said that Gary must like Mary because of that. Sour Gary talked about meeting Mary and how his personal life was at a 2 and his professional life was a noine. Sour Gary talked about his family life and all of that. Robin read more about that story and that brought out Sour Artie again.
Robin read about how the escapees from New York are still out. Robin said the half brother of one of the murderers says he's deathly afraid of where he might be headed next. Howard said the guy testified against him. Robin had audio of the guy talking about how he threatened to kill him and his wife if he turned on him so that's why he's afraid.
Sour Artie said it would be great if they checked in Hanzi's basement. He said there are lots of nuts there. Sour did a quick Hanzi impression too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it was her birthday. Howard said she must be 5 since she's hoping for a birthday wish. The woman said that she wanted to tell Robin that she named her most recent cat ''Robin Quivers.'' Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Robin read about Lincoln Chafee getting into the run for president and one of the big things he's pushing for is moving to the metric system. Howard said he has enough problems with inches and feet. He said he's not changing. Sour Artie said Chafee is his ass after sitting there all morning.
Robin read about the TSA and how they're being investigated for their poor work. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about some people talking about ISIS on FOX News. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Sour Artie said he loves Italian ISIS. Howard asked what Scotty Ferrall thinks about that. Sour did his Ferrall impression for a minute. He suggested going over there and teaching them a lesson by fucking them in the ass.
Robin read a story about young people staying single longer and younger women are marrying older men more often. Sour Artie said that means more poon for him. Howard asked if Ferrall uses lube when he goes in there. Sour said no lube and you video it.
Robin read a story about a deputy caught on video in Riverside, California. Robin had some audio from the video of the cop talking to a guy and telling him to calm the fuck down. Howard said if you don't want to be in trouble with cops, just be nice and reasonable. Howard said that cops are human beings and they don't want to be pissed on. Howard said you heard the guy's attitude in that clip. Howard said he was never involved with police because he behaved himself. Sour Mad Dog said it's a travesty. He started to rant about that like Mad Dog has done recently. Sour also did his Artie thing during that discussion. Sour Artie said he doesn't think police should be taped because he doesn't want to be on tape fucking a hooker.
Robin read a story about pools and had some audio of some official talking about not peeing in the public pools. Robin said that Chlorine can only do so much. Robin said showering before getting into a pool to wash sweat off. Robin said sweat can have a toxic reaction with the chlorine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he appreciates how factual Howard is about Caitlyn Jenner. He said everyone is too sensitive. Howard said it does not matter if he has become a woman. Howard said don't hate on her. He said it has no impact on your life. Sour Gary asked him what he does for a living. The guy said he's a trucker. Sour asked who could pull off the transgender thing there. Sour said Gary could Sour Artie said he thinks Fred could pull it off. Sour Artie asked if Scott the Engineer has an extra cigarette.
Robin said that New York City may be the first city to put warning labels on foods with salt in them. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Howard took a call from Monotone Matt who asked what he looks forward to most every day. Howard said he looks forward to his meals. He said he loves food. He said he's already thinking about going out to dinner with his wife tonight. He said he loves food and loves eating with his wife. Howard said he's even looking forward to his lunch. Howard said he has the same thing every day and he loves it. Howard said he looks forward to TV and films. He said he's done. Matt laughed. Howard asked Matt what he looks forward to. Matt said a nice bowl of hash. Howard said it doesn't sound like he needs it. Sour Artie said he looks forward to Howard hanging up on this nudnick. Howard laughed and hung up on Matt.
Robin said everyone who smokes has to go outside. Robin said that people are rolling their own and they have E-Cigarettes. Robin said someone was smoking a glass bowl on the street the other day. Robin said she thinks that's what people are smoking from now. Howard said he doesn't think that was tobacco. Robin said she thinks it was. Sour did his Ferrall voice talking about how he smokes. Howard said Sal is smoking those E-cigs. Sal said he is and he went to the doctor and she said that his ''capularies'' (capillaries) look like he's never smoked a day in his life. Robin read more about that story.
Robin read about Michelle Obama making a speech at a high school in her home town. Robin had some audio of that.
Robin read a story about Snoop Dogg being in the news. Robin said he's suing Pabst over a Colt 45 deal he had. Robin had Howard play one of his songs. That led to Sour Shoes laughing over the song and doing a bunch of voices. Robin said Snoop is suing after they were sold and he thinks that he's owed some money. Robin said Snoop is also coming under fire for something he said about a camera girl during an interview. He was talking about how ''thick'' the girl was. Robin said she thought it was creepy and awkward. Sour went into his King of All Blacks impression while they were talking about that. Howard told him to knock it off. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:00am. Sour did a bunch of voices as they were ending the show.
Jon asked what Leiberman's favorite was. Jon Leiberman said he's not going to influence it by saying. He said he doesn't want to muddy the waters. He said that he has been doing this much longer than Rahsaan and he doesn't want to throw in his thoughts. Jon said he's pulling ranks. Jon Leiberman said that he thinks he's one of the top five guys who works there.
Jon said they had to take a break and then Sherrod Small will be joining them. They went to break after that.
Jon said Colin has the book out and Sherrod said it's amazing. He said that he wrote some stuff about Jim Norton where he attacks him and that was great. Jon said that Colin feels free to speak his mind in the book. He said if the stuff is funny you can get away with talking about race that way. Sherrod said that he thinks Colin has a unique take on things.
Jon asked Sherrod about working on Tough Crowd with Colin. Sherrod said that it was crazy. He said he's seen grown comedians almost crying.
Jon said that Colin also said that when he'd go out with a girl he'd give them that book A Confederacy of Dunces and if they didn't like he'd dump them. He also said that book saved his life a few times. Sherrod said that if you can get past that dark spot in your life then it's all sunshine after that.
Leiberman was talking about the race discussions and Sherrod said that he has a podcast with Kurt Metzger that they call race wars.
Jon said that Colin has been a big fan of the show for a long time. He said he was hanging out with Sour Shoes in the green room. Leiberman said that he'll be spending a few days with Sour next week for their next Embedded. Sherrod asked where that name comes from. Leiberman said it comes from a smelly shoes story. He said his room looks like a 6 year old's room. He said he has baseball pennants on the wall. He said he has GI Joe figurines in the room and he plays with them. He also has on cassette tape every time he's called into the Stern Show. He said he has them piled up to the ceiling.
Jon said that he's not sure what Sour has. Leiberman said he's in the autism spectrum. Jon said he does things so well but it's hard to get him to do exactly what you want. He said he needs that room to do what he wants. Sherrod asked if he is a savant. Jon said he thinks he is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sour Shoes is the best thing to happen in a while. He said he's really funny. He said today he let him kind of riff and he has great comedic timing. He said he thinks he gets the show. He said he thinks he's the best thing since Billy West. He said maybe he could be on every Wednesday or something.
Jon said Sour sang ''I Got You Babe'' with Gary and it's really amazing what he can do. He said then you hear people whispering to him what to do. He said that he thinks they need him in doses but today he was used very well. He said both in the news and in his own segment.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this metric system thing would work so well for Howard. He said he doesn't get why Howard is so against it. Sherrod said that Howard is used to what we've got. He said one reason not to use it is because the rest of the world is using it. He said they're also into soccer and we're not. The caller said that's a typical American thought process. Jon said he doesn't know why Howard won't do it. He said that he's not big on change.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought that Gary didn't sound like he was into doing the duet. Jon said he thinks that Gary was reacting to Sour but he doesn't think he minded doing it. He said Gary is one of Sour's biggest fans.
The caller said that he wanted to repeat the Bruce Jenner joke that Sour said. He said that he used a racist joke about Bruce being a typical racist comment about him throwing something. Sherrod guessed it was spear chucker. Jon said that's right. Jon said that you don't know what Sour is going to come up with. Sherrod said he has a new respect for Sour now. He said he could be their mascot on their podcast. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked which of the impressions was Sherrod's favorite. Sherrod said he liked the Artie impression. Jon said he loves that too. Jon said Colin Quinn thought it was going to be the real Artie coming in today. Jon said Sour's impression of Gary really works too. He said he uses actual lines that were said on the show for all of those impressions. Jon Leiberman said that he uses dates that are actually correct.
Jon asked Leiberman about his rapping days and if he felt comfortable doing that. Leiberman said that he had African American friends who enjoyed that. He said he never felt he was corrupting it. He said maybe in the quality.
Leiberman asked if Sherrod raps. Sherrod said that he has too much respect for it to do that. Sherrod said he's seen guys like Jon Leiberman rap before. He said that the Beasties were Jewish. Jon asked if Leiberman worked with them. Leiberman said that he may have consulted.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sherrod he loves his podcast. Sherrod said that he has Anne Coulter on the show today live at 5pm. He said she has a new book out that they'll be talking about. The caller said he's been trying to get on Howard's show to ask who is ready for Howard's retirement. Jon said no one is. He said that Robin talked about it and she'll do whatever she does. Gary came in so Jon asked if he's ready. Gary said that he's not going to cry over it but you have to be ready for it to end. Gary said that if he were Sal he'd get his shit together.
Jon said that Sal may never be ready. He said Gary may be different when it comes to that stuff. Gary said that he tries to think about all sides so he's never blind sided.
Jon said that you have to think about the future. He said that they all hope Howard will return but they may not know until the last minute. He said that it will be on the top of everyone's mind. Gary said it's not like he's looking for another job but if Howard comes and says he's done he's going to call some guys and formulate a plan.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's afraid for Sour Shoes because what is he going to do if Howard leaves. Gary asked what he was doing before Howard. Gary said Howard can't worry about guys like that or he'll lose his mind. Jon Leiberman said that Sour has things he does outside the show. He said he works with Autistic kids and things like that.
Jon talked about the crazy story that Sour told about how he got Mark Wahlberg's number and how he calls him once every few years.
Jon said that someone called in earlier and said that Gary didn't sound like he was into singing with Sour. Gary said that if they were going to sound alike he wanted to do it like Sour was doing. He said he did it he way he heard Sour doing it. Sherrod asked if Sour can do Rihannna and give him her number. Jon said he might be able to.
Gary said that Sour gets his Asians mixed up. He said that Sour was an extra in a movie but the guy was Wayne Wang and not John Woo. Jon said he apologizes to John Woo then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard may have given a hint about getting on the air in 5 minutes from home. Jon said Howard did say that he could get on the air if he wanted to from home but he's always talked about that. He said Howard has also said he likes coming in and being able to talk to the guys there in the studio.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who will cry harder when Howard retires, Sal or Bobo. Gary said that Bobo will cry harder even though Sal should. Jon said that Bobo really is an extreme fan. Gary said Bobo sent the best picture to him the other day. On the front seat of his car he had about 25 legal pads with questions for Howard on them. Sherrod was shocked that Bobo has a wife. Jon said he wishes the audience could see the look on Sherrod's face right now.
Jon asked who is going to be more emotional, Bobo or Mariann. Gary said he wants to bring in a bunch of people like Hanzi give their farewell to Howard. Gary said he doesn't know what it would be. Sherrod said it would be entertaining. Jon said that Jeff the Drunk might cry. Sherrod said that they're all going to cry.
Jon said that at the end of the Tonight Show everyone cried with Johnny Carson. Gary said he'll cry because he has worked with these people for so long.
Jon went to Jon Leiberman for the poll results. Gary said that it was very hard to talk to people hearing Sour doing his voice. He said it was really throwing him off. He said he thinks his Artie is the best. Sherrod said he agrees. Jon Leiberman said that what's fascinating is that they didn't agree with Gary and Sherrod. He said with 29 percent was Artie. Gary got 35 percent and the Chris Mad Dog Russo impression got 36 percent.
The guys spent a minute talking about the poll results and then Jon wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:45am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's replays. After that Jon said they had some great prank calls this week. Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll was about today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What Was Your Favorite Prank Call This Week?'' and the choices were:
Jon said that in the clip they played he wasn't able to tell if it was Gary or Sour Shoes doing Gary. Gary said it was pretty tough. Jon also brought up Dr. Ruth and talked about some of the stories she told this week. They talked about how they put her on a book shelf when she was in a hospital at one point.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Sour Shoes is like a miracle in her life. She said she doesn't know if anyone caught the impression that Sour did of Howard as a little boy. He said ''I really do'' and that was one of the things that Howard said. Gary said he sneaks in a lot of stuff. He said it can get confusing. Jon said that he refers to a lot of lines that have been said on the show. He said if you get the syntax right then people love it.
The caller said she wonders if Sour remembers like Marilu Henner does. She said that she'd like to know if he can remember the days and things like that. Jon said that he must have a degree of that but he doesn't think he can give a date. He said that things do stay with him though. Gary said there is something going on there. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said sometimes you meet someone and it doesn't work out. Gary said he says that the best part of his job is meeting everyone he ever wanted to meet but it's also the worst. Gary said he met Bill Clinton and he grabs your hand and puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eye. He said he made him believe that he knew him and loved him. He said if he was a girl he would have fucked him. Lauren said she knows what that's like. Jon said he told Lauren what a fan he is of her's today. Lauren said she likes that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he did an improv show with Lauren years ago. He said that students got picked to do shows at random and he got to do it with Lauren. He said he thought she was great and she had to make it. He said he was going to give up if she didn't make it. He asked what happened with the Chelsea Handler sitcom. Lauren said they had a lot of fun with that. She said that they just got that half a season and they were done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the one thing he loves about Howard the most is that he cares and appreciates his fans. He asked if they think Howard considers any backlash and anger if he does retire. The caller said that he's still at the top of his game. He said he'd be pissed if Howard left now. He said he gets it if Howard wants to enjoy his money and wife. Jon said with an athlete they do hang on too long sometimes. He said he gets that. Jon said Howard is at the top of his game and he always puts the fans first. He said he has to put himself first because he is getting up there in years. Gary asked if fans are really going to be angry. He said he thinks that it'll be admiration if they see him out on the street. Gary said that he was going to ask if they want a cranky Howard on the air but he thinks they actually do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard interviews actors and he always asks about getting aroused during a love scene because he got aroused in his movie. He said this is 20 years after Howard did his movie and he wonders if Howard would still get aroused. Gary said he thinks so. Gary said he doesn't know how anyone does it without getting aroused. Gary said if you're in a tub with a naked woman he'd imagine you'd get aroused. Lauren said it's very weird doing a love scene. She said you just want to make sure the angles are right and things like that. She said you can take yourself out of it. Gary said he thinks that guys are different. He said maybe if Howard had done more movies it would have been different. Jon said he's with Gary. He said he thinks Howard would still get aroused. They went to break after that.
Jon said people wonder what Sour's real voice is. He said Lauren must know what that's like. She does a lot of voices. Lauren said she did a show as herself this weekend and people aren't used to hearing that because she's in character so much.
Jon said Sour almost can't speak in his own voice. Gary said he starts to talk to you and you realize he's Sour Shoes and not someone else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Hanzi seems to be a guy who has ever right to ask Howard for a gig because that's what Howard did for Eric the Actor all the time. He also asked Gary if he has any intentions on getting Daniel Tosh in there. Gary said Tosh has never asked to be on the show but he thinks he's super funny. He said one of their old interns works for his show so he sees him on there. Gary said he's not sure Howard owes Hanzi anything. Jon said Eric didn't appreciate things but getting him to appreciate things or thank Howard was part of the fun. He said Hanzi seems to piss a lot of people off while Eric was kind of likeable the more they got to know him. Gary said that some people think they've put in a lot of years so they deserve something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary gets ripped on a lot but lately it's really bad. He asked what's going on. Gary said he thinks the calls and phone calls are funny. The caller said it's been crazy lately. Gary said he doesn't know. He said maybe he has to rethink it. He said he finds it all funny though. He said Howard yelling at him is getting killed but the other stuff is funny to him. Gary said some stuff bothers him but some stuff you just have to laugh at.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. They went from fourth place to first. They played a clip of the winner which was the Pete and Pete show clip. Fourth place was the Dr. Ruth with Sal and Richard call. Third was the Mick the Nerd Call to Tradio. Second was the Black Cocks call.
Jon said the thing about that call is that Pete and Pete weren't doing voices. That's who they are. He said the woman's reaction was the key to that call. He said that's what Pete and Pete sound like in real life though. Jon said Medicated Pete was an intern there for a couple of semesters. He said Gary loved having him around because he didn't stay in his office. Jon said you want to keep people around like that though. Gary said he thought the Black Cocks call should have won. He said that it was just finding out how many times he could get out ''Black cocks'' on the air.
Jon wrapped up the show. He gave Lauren some plugs and got in a plug for today's Sternthology. They were done around 11:35am.
Jon said that they'll have the results at the end of the show. Jon asked if JD's beef of the week was rational. Gary said JD doesn't have to do one every week but he does them when he feels strongly about something. He said that this week he felt strongly about that. Jon said he does admire his passion for things like that. He said Howard asked him why he was worried about something like that. Gary said his own beef of the week is that no one has to remake the Odd Couple in any way ever again. Jon said he's with him on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the studio dynamic is with Sour Shoes. He said in the green room he's got crayons and a coloring book. Gary said with Sour there is a lot of kinetic energy. He said Howard wants to talk to Mad Dog but he feels like there are 15 other characters who want to come out. Jon said it's very hard for him to stay in one character. He said he likes branching out and getting into other things. He said that Sour was Gary, Artie and everybody. He said that Howard has tried to talk to Sour Shoes as Sour Shoes but it's very hard to do without him slipping into another character.
Gary said he thought Sour was pretty together this week. He said he thinks he got the hang of it. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said Spade was talking about his Saturday Night Live audition and he talked about how he bombed at his audition for Saturday Night Live. Jon said that he got the gig though. He said that fascinated him. Gary said they'll talk to anyone who has been on that show. He said they're interested in the mechanics of the show. Gary said that Lorne has figured out a template and a way to work them into that show. Jon said Colin Quinn also said he bombed at his audition. He said you never know what's going to happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about Mick the Nerd. He said he doesn't think the name flies. He said that they sound like they're settling. He said something came up when he was in and he thinks that another name was better. He asked if they're locked in on that. Gary asked if he has heard a better name. The caller said there was something that was better but he can't remember what it was. He said he thought that they settled for that. He said the guy is great but it seems like a local radio intern name. He said they can do so much better. Jon said if something comes up they'll use it but they're going with that right now.
Jon asked why so man people are in love with this guy. the caller said he seems pretty natural and down to earth and he's not putting on a show. He said he just seems genuine. He said there's a comedy element there without the shock value. Gary said that genuine is what they're going for. He said Elephant Boy is another one like that. He said he wasn't looking to be part of the show. He said another guy introduced them. He said it's not Mick's goal to be in the Wack Pack. He said that makes it more attractive.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is imagining Mick getting laid by a black woman twice his size. He said he thinks they should find someone like that and lock them in a room and turn him into a mini Clooney. He was comparing that to the movie Road Trip. He said he thinks that JD was like that. Gary said it wasn't lie that for JD. Jon said it sounds like an interesting movie plot but not something for their show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Mick is a great find. He said there was a girl on the show years ago who was into comic-con. Jon asked if he's talking about Adrianne Curry. The caller said that's it. Jon asked Gary if Mick would be able to talk to her. Gary said that's a good idea. He said she would know a lot of the stuff he talks about. Gary said he wonders how he would react of someone flirted back with him. Gary said he may not know what that's like. Jon said they'll have to find out. They went to break after that.
Gary said Howard is one of the healthiest people they know and that's part of the retirement thing. He said that he's not slowing down right now. He said that it's more of a mental thing. He said Howard has said it's a grind to do it every day. He said Howard doesn't have to get up for work every day. He said that if Howard does lave and the budget is still there he thinks the Gary and Jon show could go on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Wack Packers have a range of likeability. He said at one end they have the people who aren't so likeable and then they have people like Mick and Sour Shoes who are very likeable. He said they don't even think about being in the Wack Pack. He said the people who do want to be in it are the people who the fans don't like. Gary said that there are some who do feel they deserve something from them. He said Sour and Mick don't want anything from them. Gary said Big Foot doesn't want anything from them other than money to get there. He said he doesn't call asking for money. He said Wendy calls all the time asking for money because she claims she can't eat. He said that's just not true. Jon said everyone loves Wendy though. Gary said she's so juvenile. He said when Eric asked for something it was like he felt entitled.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary would ever get a hockey player on the show. Gary said Howard isn't a hockey fan. He said that it has to be someone who transcends the sport. He said that he can't think of anyone right now that has such an amazing personality that they should have them on. The caller wasn't even able to come up with someone. Gary said they tend to be quiet. He said if someone came along he might consider it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hears Sour Shoes a lot and he does some great stuff but it sounds like he did his regular voice a little bit this time. Gary said he did talk about getting grounded and things like that. The caller said that's like the first time he's ever heard his regular voice. He said he thinks his name is Mike or some shit. He said he usually talks like a child. Jon said that was his real voice.
Jon asked Gary how you deal with someone like that in your house. Gary said he always says to Howard that they have a kid and here is the possibility they could be President and it only goes down from there. He said that you adjust as you go along. He said he doesn't think anyone has a child with the thought that they'll be their responsibility for the rest of their lives. Gary said that it must be a big burden on parents of Wack Packers. Jon said that Leiberman is going there to do an Embedded soon so they should find out more soon.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and then asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll were today. Rahsaan said that it was close but 37 percent said that they had JD's back with the Beef of the Week thing.
Gary told a quick story about how they met Elephant Boy. He said a fan sent in a letter about Fred and he called the guy and he thought he had Down Syndrome. He said he told the guy he can't put him on the air. He said the guy put him back on and he talked to him more and they ended up having him on the show.
Jon got in a plug for tonight's Royal Blood concert special that's on at 11pm. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:55am.