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Howard started the show talking about how everyone loves ''Hey Now!'' He said the actor who said that has moved on to play a transsexual on a show. Robin said that he's very heterosexual though.
Howard said Jeff Ross will be in today. Howard said he's really excited to see him. He said he watched his special where he went into a prison to roast the prisoners. Howard said he saw it and it was genius. Howard said he decided to do the special for an hour and he usually can't get through 5 minutes of stand up specials. He said they're kind of slow. He said Jeff did a comedy hour and made it a documentary too. Howard said he went to this prison and taped himself with the prisoners. He said he gave them a show and insulted them. Howard said it felt very dangerous. Howard said he goes up to Nazis who have the Swastika on them. He said they're so offensive. Howard said when you think about how many of our guys died going to Europe to defeat the Nazis it's the same thing as walking around with ISIS or Al Queda tattoos. Robin said these people don't think like that. Howard said he knows but you have to hate our country to do that. Howard said what we had to do to defeat the Nazis and Japanese... He said we had to go over and fight and give their lives. Howard said when the guys landed at Normandy or whatever the first wave of guys died and had to work in freezing conditions. Howard said they fought them to the end.
Howard said Jeff Ross goes in and he's fearless. He said he insults the shit out of them. Howard played a clip of Jeff talking to the guy with the Nazi tattoos on him. He asked how many years he had. The guy said 99 and Jeff said he should get 6 million for every Jew that died in World War II. Howard played another clip of Jeff singing a song and asking the Nazis if they knew who Nelson Mandela was and telling the guys to go fuck themselves.
Howard played another clip of Jeff talking to a really fat guy asking if he robbed a bakery. He said he loved that special. He said he hasn't watched a whole comedy special in so long but this one was so great. Howard said it was brilliantly executed. Howard said he thinks it will be on Comedy Central. He said he managed to make a documentary that was very touching in places. Howard said that some of the guys have really sad lives. Howard said he does that in the documentary. Then 5 minutes later you're cracking up and laughing. Howard said good for him.
Howard said when he talked to Chelsea Handler she made a deal with Netflix and this is something she should watch to get an idea for what she should do.
Howard said that he has Rachel Dolezal on the phone now. He picked up and asked her a few questions. It was a woman doing her Rachel impression. Howard spent a minute talking to the side of her with the black voice and then asked her to speak like the real Rachel. She did that for a short time and told Howard about why she does that. Howard quickly wrapped up with her saying he knows that she has to go. Then the cops showed up and she went back into her white voice.
Robin wondered what would make someone be black all of a sudden. Howard said some reporter got a hold of her and she wasn't able to answer the question if she's black or not. Howard played a clip from that news report. They were asking her about her father and she got so flustered she ran off without her purse and phone.
Howard said she's like the best at her job in the NAACP so they're not sure if they should keep her or not. Robin said they say she's a great teacher too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had a killer show with Royal Blood on Friday night. Howard said they ran a show on Friday night that was like 40 minutes long. Howard said he listened to it and it was fabulous. Howard played a song parody that they got to the tune of a Royal Blood song. Howard also played a ''Taken 5'' bit they made about the search for Sal's missing penis with Liam Neeson in it.
Howard said he has so many phony phone calls to play. He said he has one of Sour Shoes calling a pizzeria as Artie. Howard said the pizza guy hangs in there too long. Howard played the clip and Sour was doing his Artie impression talking about the great food his mother makes.
Howard said that people were writing in about Sour Shoes since he sat in last week. Howard read some of the email that they got about how great he is on the show. Howard said people want more Sour Shoes. Robin said the only problem is when Sour is in the green room and he can hug her. Howard said nevermind that. Howard said Sour had a coloring book with him and he was coloring in it. Howard said they had pictures up on the web site. Howard said he's so talented though. He said he has his impression of Scott Ferrall. Howard said this is what it would sound like if Scott was having sex. They had Sour doing that and a gay porn clip that they've played on the show. Howard said they put the clip out as if Mad Dog and Scott Ferrall were doing play by play. He played that one too. Sour was doing both voices talking about what the guys were doing as they were pissing and drinking the piss.
Howard said it's amazing how he shifts between those voices. Howard said there are so many talented guys out there. Howard said he was listening to this clip of a guy doing an impression of Riley and Eron. He said this guy's name is Matt Jacobs. Howard said he's just impressed with his impressions. He does High Pitch Eric and Joey Boots too. Howard played the Riley Martin and Eron clip and he sounded a lot like those two. Howard asked how many guys can do Eron. Howard said he lives out in California. Howard said they may need him if High Pitch or Riley dies.
Howard said that he doesn't know what's going on with Riley. He had a compilation clip of him saying hello over the past year and it gets worse and worse. Howard said he's a mess. He played another compilation of his coughs and other noises.
Howard said if Riley ever can't do his show they should have Matt sit in for him. Howard said that he's sure he can figure out the nonsense that Riley talks about. Howard played another clip of Riley making the noises from Close Encounters.
Hanzi said that compared to the ''fucked upedness'' of what people do... Howard said that he should talk about how he blew a guy last night. Howard said that he didn't like that did he. Howard said no one knows he's joking. Hanzi said he probably blew Ralph yesterday. Howard said yeah, he blew Ralph. Howard said that he's so hysterical. Howard said he accuses people of being child molesters and he's so fucking funny. Howard said he should write for Jimmy Kimmel. Hanzi said he wrote jokes for Jeff Ross and he heard he got yelled at by Howard and the guys. Howard asked how he wrote jokes for Jeff. Hanzi said he wrote them for the Robin roast. Howard asked why he didn't use them. Hanzi said that it was because they yelled at him. Howard said he wrote a speech for President Obama but they scared him so he's not going to use it. Hanzi said Howard is an asshole. Howard said he sounds ridiculous.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he fucks with Hanzi all the time. The caller said that if you just say Wrestling is gay he'll freak out. He said people make up twitter accounts just to fuck with him. He said Hanzi will freak out and say things about people. He said he'll always accuse people of being molesters and things.
Howard asked Hanzi why he doesn't get off the service. Hanzi said he blocks people because they're parents and have kids. He said that he's not the irresponsible one. Howard said look what's going on there. Howard said he read that Twitter isn't growing. He said that it must be just one guy changing his accounts to fuck with Hanzi. Howard asked the caller how he fucks with him. He said you just tweet him something and he'll freak out.
Howard said he heard he closed his twitter account last week but he heard he does that a few times a month. Hanzi said he does that sometimes. He said that the trolls are out of control. He said that this guy thinks he's funny but he isn't. He said he probably fucked his dad in the shower. The caller said that he didn't but that's funny.
Howard said he should get off of Twitter. Hanzi said he knows he'll find ways to fuck with him in other ways. Howard said he can't believe he thinks that he's fucking with him. Howard said he needs to get a job. Hanzi said he could have been in movies and stuff but Howard kept him from doing them. Howard said he's not keeping him from getting any jobs.
Howard let Hanzi and this guy go back and forth for a minute. Howard said he can come down there if he gets written permission from his parents. Hanzi said he ruined his fucking life. He said that he sends people to keep fucking with him. Howard said he knows, he sends trolls. Howard said meanwhile Hanzi looks like a troll. Hanzi said he doesn't even want to be there. He said Howard is an asshole. Howard asked who he sent to fuck with him. Robin said everyone. Howard let the caller go and asked Hanzi if there's anything he can do for him. Robin asked why he opens the Twitter thing. Hanzi said he doesn't want his name to be taken. Howard said he could just stay of the service and keep the name. Hanzi said he has fake accounts that he's on too. He said he's scoping for his fake accounts. He said he uses those to see what people are saying about him. Howard said he really has to go. He said that he started this call 25 minutes ago. Hanzi said he did not.
Hanzi asked if he can confront CM Punk. Howard said he has no idea who that even is. Hanzi said he knows who that is. Howard told him to get off Twitter. He said no one can fuck with him if he's not on there. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi said he wants to talk to Jeff Ross about 2009. Howard told him to get in a time machine. He let him go after that. Howard said ''Wow!'' after that. Howard said he believes that things can turn around for him but he knows Robin doesn't believe that. Howard said Hanzi needs help and he thinks he could turn things around.
Howard said he'll get to the other callers after taking a break. Howard asked Robin if she watched Game of Thrones. Robin said of course. Howard said the spoiler is on the front page of the Post. Howard said that he's glad he watched it. Howard said the last two episodes were great. Robin said the whole season wasn't that great. Robin said it was just the last two that were great. Howard said he loved the last two. He said he was totally bummed when it ended. He said there was a great thing of nudity. Robin said she knew that's why he'd like it. Howard said a couple of people died. Robin said they were worthless characters. Howard said Jon Hein hates when she trashes the show. Gary said Howard is so right. He said Jon just shakes his head when she starts in on that. Robin said she loves Peter Dinklage. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said the live shows start in August this year and he likes doing those. Howard said he's not edited. He said that's what he looks forward to. He said he's waiting for that. Howard said if you're not watching America's Got Talent then you're missing out. He said the talent is great this season.
Howard said he knows that Jon Leiberman is in the hall because he has a report about High Pitch Eric. Howard said that he's losing a lot of weight. Howard said he looks like a super model. Jon said he keeps having to buy smaller clothes. Howard asked if this is because of the heart attack. Jon said that it is. He said he is trying to stay healthy. Howard asked if he's eating healthier. Jon said he hasn't had anything fried since the heart attack.
Howard said most people who have a heart attack or something don't do anything like this. Howard said a lot of times people don't do anything. He said that Jon took this as a warning and did something about it.
Howard said he was listening to something about Jeff the Drunk and he has a throat problem. Howard said Jeff is scared shitless going to the doctor. Howard said that they tell him not to smoke and you'd think it would be a wake up call. He said he's going to keep smoking though.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Jeff about the bump in his throat that was the size of an eraser. Jeff said he's thinking he might lose his voice. He did that clicking sound that he's known for. Jon told Howard that came from when he was in the hospital and lost his voice. He said he'd do that sound to get the nurse to come in and give him ice. Howard played more of Jeff talking about how you shouldn't smoke. Shuli asked if he has smoked since he found the lump. Jeff said no but only because he doesn't have any to smoke. He said he will probably get more on his way back from the hospital.
Howard said that Jeff is saying goodbye in a boring way as usual. Howard said that's Jeff's way these days. Howard played more of Jeff talking to Shuli and saying goodbye to everyone if something does happen. Jeff said he had a good time and it was fun while it lasted. Jeff said everything cant last forever. He said adios to everyone.
Howard said he might as well go smoke at this point. Jon said you have to make the most of a second chance. He said you might not get a third. Howard said Jeff isn't going to change.
Jon said that they have 3 updates about High Pitch Eric for Howard. He said he had to have both of his ears drained because he wasn't able to hear. He said that Eric has no ear hygiene. He said that he had to get both drained. Howard asked what they had to do. Jon said they had to use an ear candle. He said that they melt the wax out of there. Jon said he wasn't there for that. Howard said just imagine what was there. Howard said he understands they opened a candle store and made 500 candles with that wax.
Jon said he also had a break out on his skin. Howard said that he's the grossest he's ever been. Jon said he has to make changes in his life.
Jon said Eric also has a Twitter problem. He said Elephant Boy got Eric's account shut down. He said that the problem is that Eric was promised tickets to the New Kids on the block concert this week but now that the account is shut down he isn't able to get in touch with Donnie Wahlberg. He said he's trying to get back in touch with Donnie.
Jon said in other news Eric has been scammed and the NYPD is looking into it. Jon said that Eric wanted to move into a new apartment. He said that he found and ad and called that ad and they told him he had to pay $850 up front. Eric went to the bank with the person and he paid this ''Jasmine'' person. Eric had to call the owner and it turns out the people don't know what he's talking about. Jon said the NYPD is looking into it. He said they're unable to call that number that Eric called because it's been disconnected. Howard thanked Jon for the update. He asked how much he weights. Jon said he's down to 190. He said he was 185 but he put on some muscle so he's up a few. Howard let Jon go after that and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's glad that he's not in favor of this woman claiming that she's feeling like she's black. Howard said there are things in place for blacks who have been mistreated so they can get ahead. Howard said that she cant apply for those perks. Robin said that she went to the frizzy hairdo and tanned too. Howard said she was so white she was almost albino. Howard said he's seen this kind of thing. He said he used to lay in bed in Roosevelt thinking that if he were black he'd have a life. Robin said this woman lived in Lily white world. Her parents adopted 4 black kids. Robin said her parents are disgusted with this whole thing.
Howard said he has to interrupt because he has Hillary Clinton on the phone. Howard picked up on Fake Hillary and said he has so many questions for her. Howard asked if she's prepared for this. Hillary said that this isn't the first time she's taken on 8 men at once. Howard asked fake Hillary a few questions about her run for President and what she thinks is going to happen. Howard had pre-written questions and the answers sounded pre-recorded.
Howard asked Fake Hillary about her opinion on Kim Jong Un and things like that. Hillary talked about the economy and things like that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's obsessed with Benjy and Elisa. He said that now they're doing shows together. Howard said he's banning all talk of Benjy and Elisa. Howard said that Benjy sucks them into his world and then when things go horribly between them Benjy asks him not to talk about it. Howard said they're no longer going to talk about it.
The caller asked why Benjy is dyeing his beard again. Benjy said that he thinks it looks better. Howard asked why he's doing that. Benjy said it looks better and he likes it. He said Howard does appearance things. Benjy said he does just as much for other things. Howard asked what he does. Benjy said that Howard has a hair stylist. Howard said that it looks odd on Benjy. Benjy said he doesn't think it does. Howard asked Gary if he thinks it looks odd. Gary said yes. Benjy said he should take a picture and put it on the web. He said he doesn't think he's right. Howard said if this guy on the phone noticed it then it's noticeable.
The caller said Benjy is doing the same things that he did with Elisa early on. Howard asked if he's dating. Benjy said ''I don't know...'' Howard asked if they're dating. Benjy said he may have. He said he's not dating right now. Howard said he can't have it both ways. He said when things are good he promotes but then when things are going poorly he doesn't want to talk about it. Benjy said that he talks to him in an angry way and he doesn't like it. Gary said he thinks that Howard is looking out for him. Howard said he has been very respectful. He said he isn't angry. Howard said Benjy was walking around like he wanted to kill himself he was very respectful. Howard said now if things are getting better he doesn't want to get into it. Howard said for years he wanted to talk about that on the air.
Howard said when things went horribly wrong and he got hurt he said he wouldn't talk about it. Howard said a lot of people say you can't have it both ways. Howard said he's not going to get sucked back into it. Howard said that Benjy got angry with him when he asked about the beard. He said that he needs a professional to do it. Fred said he agrees with Howard. He said one side is darker than the other. Benjy said that he'll take a picture and tweet it out right now. Howard said he doesn't care about the beard. He said the caller brought it up.
Howard said that he has to explain to the caller that he wasn't going to get into that. Howard said that he's sticking with the story and telling the caller that he there will be no talk about his situation because he asked him not to do it. Howard said now he's getting angry because Benjy is getting dumb. Howard asked if that answers the caller's question. The caller said it's as good as it's going to get. Howard said that's their update.
Howard asked Robin if she sees that his beard looks odd. Robin took a look and said ''Oh my god!'' she said half of it disappears because it's lighter. Howard said he was just trying to tell him it looks silly. Benjy asked how the one side looks. Robin said one side looks okay. Howard said they're done with Benjy now.
Howard said they asked what people thought of the mayor talking about combining this parade with the gay pride parade. The guys they talked to weren't happy about that.
Howard said they asked people about blocking traffic. The guys they talked to didn't care. Robin said a lot of people had flags on their cars and she saw the Puerto Rican flags and also American flags. She said she thinks it was Flag day. Gary said it was.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him an F, Marry, Kill with Jada Pinkett Smith, Maria Menounos and Sofia Vergara. Howard said he'd kill this call. Howard said Maria is beautiful. He said that Sofia is gorgeous. He said Jada is hot too. Howard said that Sofia has that accent so maybe he should kill her. He said he'd love to fuck her though. Howard said he might even marry her. Howard said he'll marry Maria, fuck Jada and kill Sofia. Howard said maybe he'll kill Jada and fuck Sofia. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said this is so hard. Howard said Maria has no kids. He said that's a plus. He said Sofia and Jada both have kids. Robin said Sofia's kid is an adult. Howard said maybe he'll kill Jada then. Howard asked Fred what he would do. Fred said it's impossible. He said they're all hot. Howard said he's not sure he could handle Maria's laugh the rest of his life. Howard said he'd tell her she has to stop.
Fred asked if Necrophilia is out of the question because he could kill one and still fuck her. Howard said that's sick.
Howard said Jada is short but she is hot. Howard said she wore heels and she was very hot. Howard said Maria is tall. He said Sofia is tall too.
Howard said they asked Jerry to come in and they just sat down and talked. Howard said Jerry did so good on the show that he said he will never return. Howard said Jerry told him at a dinner party that he will never come on the show again. Howard said Jerry said he could never top that. Howard said he told him he doesn't have to top it but whatever. Howard said he'll go on shitty shows instead. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said he understood that though. He said he's going to let it go down as legend.
Howard said someone yelled out Baba Booey at a Red Sox game over the weekend. Howard said you really have to listen closely. He played the clip and it could be heard pretty well in the clip. Robin said it was nice and clear. Robin said she's heard some really muffled ones. She said that one was very good.
Howard said Jon Leiberman was talking to Wendy the Slow Adult and she ducked into a restaurant when it was raining out. Howard said the owner was trying to throw her out. Howard said that she was trying to convince the guy that she is a celebrity. Howard said it appeared to work. Howard played the clip and Wendy was in the place and they asked her to leave. Wendy said she's on the phone with Howard Stern people. Wendy said that they were asking her to leave. Wendy told the woman that she's famous.
Howard said the interview continued. He said just imagine that poor owner. Howard said that her hygiene may not be the greatest. Howard said that she's been trying to get a job but she's being rejected. Howard played more of the interview and Wendy was talking about trying to get a job at McDonald's or Burger King or Wendy's and they won't hire her. Jon asked what they tell her. Wendy said they tell her they'll get back to her in 5-10 days. Howard said things are bleak when you can't get a job at one of those places.
Matt asked about the hair color change. Howard said Beth has never done it. Howard said she was a red head for like a week before she met him. Howard said she said it was weird. Howard said it would be weird but she'd still be Beth. He said it would be okay. Howard let Matt go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw that Jenna Jameson is changing to Judaism. Howard said he did. The caller asked if it was a deal breaker for Howard and Beth if she didn't change to Judaism would he change. Howard talked about how he was turned off by the whole Judaism thing when he had to take classes. He said that he wouldn't be interested in anyone else's religion. Howard said Brent posted something on Facebook that was really good. He said it was something about how it's fine if you believe in the Easter Bunny but if you base how you're going to run the country on that then he has a problem with it.
Howard said that Beth used to go to church when they first started dating. Howard said as the years went on she stopped. Howard said that she doesn't have that religious feeling. Robin asked if it came up with the wedding. Howard said no. He said they don't have kids but he wouldn't insist on raising them with a religion. He said his 3 kids were raised with a religion but that was his wife's idea at the time. Howard said he doesn't think Beth would have converted. The caller said he considered doing the Judaism thing but he would have had to have been circumcised. Howard said if he had a son he'd be in a quandary over that. Howard said it can't be right to cut the skin off your penis. Howard said he knows there were health issues years ago and he thinks that cutting that off was an attempt to cut down on men's sex drive. Robin said that didn't really work.
Howard and Robin knew a guy who had that operation and the guy told them that it was really painful. Howard said you don't want to mess with your cock if you can help it. Fred played Sal yelling about this cock being gone. Howard asked the guys to put that bit back up from this morning. He replayed the ''Taken 5'' bit he played earlier.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone. He said that the bump is gone. Jeff said that it must have been a bite or something. Howard said Jeff will continue smoking. Jeff said his sister had the hole in her throat. He said it's hard to quit. Howard said he knows but if he wants to live then he should. Howard asked why he likes living. Jeff said he likes listening to the show. Howard asked why he gets out of bed in the morning. Jeff said he likes TV. Howard said that's his reason too so he can't argue with that.
Jeff and Howard talked about The Bachelor since they're both fans of that show. Howard said Jeff shouldn't love that show but he does. Jeff said he just wants to put a call out there that he's available for any work. Howard played him out with a ''Boring!'' bumper. Howard said it's such an insult to actors that they put Jeff in movies. Howard said that these actors work their whole lives to be good and then they lose out to Jeff.
Howard said he saw they were doing the nominating for Emmys. Howard said he's going to nominate Nick Cannon. Robin said he is more involved in the show than any other host. Howard said he's being ignored. Howard said he thinks he should get an Emmy too. Howard said they're all ignored. Howard said he thinks he changed the whole tone of the show. Robin said she thinks he did. Howard said that they should give Nick an Emmy.
Howard said he is now fostering his own cat. Howard said that Beth is working with cats but they have mother cat named Maple. He said that she's so good and friendly. Howard said Beth is taking care of the six kittens and he's taking care of Maple. Howard said he's feeding her and socializing her. Howard said that she is the greatest. Howard said Beth has pictures up of the kittens and Maple. Robin said she needs another cat. Howard said Robin doesn't spend enough time with her cats. Robin said they are all well taken care of. Howard said they're accepting applications on Maple. Howard said he is attached to her. Howard said she has another week with them and then they're letting her go. Howard said she's super friendly and super sweet. Howard said he's not sure if he's going to give her to Robin.
Howard said they have another version of the Wack Pack telephone game. He played the clip of David leaving a message for Elephant Boy who passed it along to Big Foot. Big Foot didn't understand what Elephant Boy was saying. Big Foot didn't know how to pass it on.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk's Lump who said he moved down to his liver. He said congrats on the cat by the way. Howard asked what it's like living on Jeff's body. The lump said it's disgusting of course. He said that he's just trying to liven things up. He said this is the most interesting thing about Jeff right now. He said that he's going to keep moving around his body. The lump said he's unknown shit and even he's more interesting than Jeff. Howard said they found out that Jeff had a lump and he was saying his goodbye's. Howard said they're interviewing his lump now. The lump said that no one deserves to live with Jeff, even cancer. He said he and the ass sore talk once in a while. Howard asked if they talk to the dead arm too. The lump said they do. Howard asked what his reason is for waking up in the morning. The lump said he loves that his hat smells. He said that he's not going anywhere. He said he's going to stay no matter what. He also said that he loves The Bachelor. Howard let the lump go a short time later. Howard said that was exciting. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that all they do is put down the Wack Pack. He said they don't put down anyone else. Robin laughed. Jeff said that's pretty wacky. Howard said ''who cares...'' Howard said he doesn't put down the Wack Pack. Howard asked when he put them down. Jeff said they always do. He said he hangs up on Mariann. Howard said he has a show to do. Jeff said he had a douche bag call in as his lump. Howard said that's what's bothering him. Howard said that the lump is back. Howard picked up on the lump again but he wasn't there. Howard accidentally hung up on Jeff when he picked up on the lump. Howard said he has to get Jeff back on.
Howard asked Gary to get Jeff back on. Howard said he's waiting for Jeff Ross to get out of the bathroom anyway. Howard said that this is the lump on Jeff the Drunk's neck. Howard said he locked in Jeff and then it just disconnects. Howard said forget it. Howard said goodbye to the lump. Gary said he's getting a busy signal from Jeff's phone.
Howard said Jeff Ross is there. He said that Jeff's new special is called ''Jeff Ross Roasts Criminals'' and it's on Comedy Central. Howard said he loved the special.
Howard asked Jeff why he said he wasn't going to make it in today. Jeff said he was at Bonaroo and they had a comedy tent there. Jeff said he did things he doesn't usually do. He said he was just kidding that he wasn't going to make it. Howard said he was afraid he wasn't going to come in. Howard asked Jeff if he has a stand up routine. Jeff said he does that for like half the show. Then he roasts people from the crowd on stage.
Howard said he thinks the new special is a break through. Howard said that he isn't just saying this because he's there. Howard said he's sick of stand up specials. Howard said he has seen it so many times. He said what Jeff did was a documentary that was hysterical and dangerous. Howard said Jeff went into a prison and he was roasting these guys. He said they were kind of showing their sense of humor. Howard said you get to see what's going on in prison and it's a funny documentary. Howard said he thinks that's what Chelsea Handler wants to do. Howard said this was brilliant. Jeff said he's so happy with that. He said he wants people to see these guys need a second chance.
Howard asked if he was scared going up to Nazis and goofing on them. Jeff said he was terrified. He said there are no guns inside the jail. Howard said if a guy is in there for 99 years there's no reason he shouldn't beat the shit out of him. Jeff said he didn't want to know their crimes ahead of time. He said he didn't want to be thrown off.
Howard said when he saw the guy with the swastikas on him you think about what people did to fight for this country. Howard said that people lost limbs and died fighting for this country. Howard said it's a weird thing to see all of that. Jeff said he had never been confronted by that before. Jeff said Sarah Silverman's dad wrote him a note about how he had never seen him volunteer that he's Jewish like he did in that special. Jeff said that he remembers Mel Brooks doing an interview saying you get revenge through ridicule. He said that's what he was doing. Howard said he has a clip and he gave humor and it was great. Howard played the clip of Jeff talking to the guy with the swastika tattoos on him and Jeff tells him he should get 6 million years for all of the Jews that died. Howard played a another clip where he talked about Nelson Mandela with the Nazi guy.
Howard said that Jeff went into the SHU and he saw that they have to shit and piss in a hole in the floor. Howard said it looks like you'd go insane in there. Howard asked if they can read in there. Jeff said he doesn't know. He said he thinks maybe you can read. He said the room is rubber. He said that he'd need to talk to someone after a few hours in there.
Howard played another clip of Jeff talking to a guy and saying that he had bad breath and he was giving him the ''breath penalty.''
Howard asked Jeff how he got into that jail to do that. Jeff was in Brazos County Jail to do the special. Jeff said that they had all of these guys in the room at the same time and that was a huge security thing. He said they were proud of their facility and the guy who ran the place had the balls to say he had nothing to be ashamed of. He said he thought it would be good for the staff and for the inmates. He said Wayne Dicky used it as a way to keep the guys straight for a month.
Howard asked if they did anything in there that they were asked to cut out. Jeff said there was one guy who was in it that they'll have to blur out later. He said the guy is on trial now. He said that it was the only Asian guy in the whole place. He said he's a 19 year old Asian kid. He said he made a joke about hacking Sony. He said it turns out that the guy had hacked someone up.
Howard said that they used it as an incentive so that explains why they did let them in. Howard said maybe it gives the inmates some hope. Jeff said that Jail and Orison is different and he didn't know that. He said jail is where they're held while they're on trial. He said prison is where they go after the trial. Jeff said that he thought that if they could get out then maybe it would be rehabilitating if they could laugh. Howard said jail looks pretty bad. He said he can't imagine what prison is like.
Howard said Jeff gets down to roasting these guys and it's great. Howard played another clip from the special. Jeff was talking to a fat guy and wondering how you gain weight in jail.
Howard asked if he was scared in there. Jeff said he was nervous. He said he was shaking and he didn't have what he has when he's on stage usually. He said that he kept going to that one corner of the Nazi guys thinking that it was easy but then later on he thought about how crazy that was. Howard asked how long it took to get on the air. Jeff said it was about a year.
Howard asked Jeff about the roast thing and how that all got started. Jeff said in 97 or 98 he talked comedy Central into doing something. Howard said Jeff now has a staff of people to write jokes for the roasts. Jeff said that he works with Joel Gallen. He said he does have an influential role in the shows. Howard said it's not as much fun when Jeff isn't there. Howard said he thought Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg were very good. He said Shaq was good too. Jeff said that he had done a roast with Martha before and she did great. He said that he thought she was going to tank but she did really well. Howard asked if she kills because expectations are so low. Jeff said that she rehearsed it and she had the balls.
Howard said he's not a roaster. Howard asked if he would go home and practice it or do it in front of Jeff. Jeff said he'd do both. He said you get that speech down. Howard said some people tank anyway. Jeff said sometimes they do. He said some people don't pick the right material. He said they don't want to do the more provocative stuff. He said they don't know how to deliver a joke and stand by it. He said you have to go into it full.
Howard asked about the Justin Bieber thing and he kept apologizing for things. Jeff said he had put it out in the media a year before. He said he was asked who he'd like to roast and he said Justin Bieber. He said a year later Comedy Central got a call from Scooter Braun who wanted to offer up Justin to do it.
Howard asked how he prepares to do a roast. Jeff said that he started watching his videos and listening to his music. He said he talked to Selena Gomez about him and things like that. Jeff said he likes to do the least common denominator stuff. He said that he likes to do stuff that someone who doesn't know him will laugh at.
Howard asked how many jokes he writes. Jeff said he writes a lot. He said he takes it very seriously. Howard asked how the jail thing came about. Jeff said that they were asking a lot of prisons and it took 6-8 months to get permission from anyone. He said that he kept telling his producer that it only takes one. He said that they took an ad out in American Jailer magazine. He said they had a couple of prisons who were interested but they got cold feet. He said he honed and wrote an act about incarceration. Jeff said he did a whole act about it. He said he was doing jokes about the death penalty and things like that. He said no one wants to hear that in a comedy club. He said he got the act together and it finally came through. Howard asked how that comes up in a regular comedy club. Jeff said eventually he told everyone what he was doing. He said that he laid it out and said it was like when he roasted Howard on his birthday. He said leading up to that it was just his stand up. He said the audience would eventually go with it if the ideas were strong.
Howard said that Jeff has to write his material and then go out and perfect it. He said he can't imagine he has much of a personal life. Jeff said that it is about his work. Howard asked how many hours a day he's thinking about this stuff. Jeff said he had a break up last year and that elevates his comedy. He said he can't just talk about himself. He said he wants to do something else. He said that he would love to get married and settle down. Howard asked who would live with someone as driven as him if he's constantly coming up with stuff. Jeff said if he found the right person he thinks he could do both. Howard asked if he can forget about work for a while. Jeff said he can do that. He said he's a good boyfriend. He said he has learned that they have to have their own thing going on. He said that you feel independent and supportive. He said this special kind of puts a closure on that year for him. He said it was a very heavy year for him writing that and losing someone. He said it was a very heavy theme. Howard said that it gets sad at some points. He said he's goofing on the female prisoners and it's funny but then it gets sad when he asks a woman what the worst part of being there is and they talk about missing their kids. Howard said it was a really good special. Howard said he gave them shit but then made it funny. Howard said he's on to something there. Howard said he thinks that it was as good or better than anything on 60 Minutes. Jeff said his next thing will be deep too. He said he wants it to be deep. He said he wants to show the human side of things. He said he went into it a little cavalier but he learned that this is a national emergency. He said he learned that there are more blacks in jail now than there were slaves in the 1860s. He said it bothered him that we lock up more people than China. Jeff said the longer you stay in jail the more likely it is that it'll spread to the rest of the family like a disease.
Howard said Jeff's mother died when he was 14 and his dad 5 years later. Howard said he's been on his own for a long time. Robin asked how his dad died. Jeff said it was cocaine. He said he was a good dad though. He said he was in Atlantic City getting into some bad stuff. He said that probably saved his life though. He said that he thinks about how he will only do it once a year at the most. Jeff said it was a very intense thing with his dad. He said that his cousin is 16 and he's going through it now. He said you wonder about what it's all about when you're a kid. He said you live through these things and it makes you strong and you end up passing it on in some way. He said you have to keep yourself healthy.
Howard said he thinks that Jeff's parents would be very proud of this special. He asked if it kills him that he can't share it with them. Jeff said there have been times when he met Buddy Hackett and people like that when he really misses his dad. He said that he and Don Rickles spoke at an event together and that's the kind of things that he wishes his dad was around for. Jeff said if he had family he may not have done this special. Howard said you do have to think about that. He said you have to worry about what he says to people in a jail.
Howard said Jeff doesn't humiliate people completely. He said that Jeff kind of walks that line pretty well. Jeff said he thinks he does. He said that he doesn't have any real enemies. He said he wants people to think they had fun and not that he's a bully. He said that the guys in that jail had to behave for a month so they deserved to laugh.
Howard played a clip from Jeff's special where he was roasting some guys and heard a noise in the jail and said that someone just escaped. He also asked if they were making noise because someone was trying to escape in a tunnel below.
Howard said Jeff did a roast once and every time he goofed on Milton Berle Milton would poke him in the chest. Jeff said that was the first roast he did. He said they were kind of corny at the time. He said they wanted some young blood and he had just done well at a charity event. He said that he got the call to do the roast for Steven Seagal. Jeff said he didn't care about Seagal. He said he could roast everyone else though. Jeff said he had guys goofing on him about going to do the roast. He said Milton just dismissed him because he didn't know him. He said that Milton introduced him and he looked up at Seagal and everyone else there. He said that he looked out and said he's qualified to be there because he's also a shitty actor. He said he's standing there and Milton is right here. He said that Seagal is there too. He said Milton was just poking him in the rib. He said the only other person who did that was his Canter. He said that guy was a prick also. He said he thought he was trying to make him laugh. Jeff said he couldn't imagine why he was doing it. Jeff said he got frustrated and asked him what he was doing. He said he started riffing about Milton any old joke he could think of. He said finally Buddy Hackett yells out and tells him ''Let the kid work, remember when you used to?'' and Milton runs down and plants one on Buddy's mouth. He said the place went berserk. Howard said Milton wanted him to bomb. Jeff said he ran with it and Milton runs back and he did great. He said after that he asked buddy what was going on. He said Buddy told him that he hates when young guys get more laughs than him. Jeff said he went to Milton and thanked him for playing around with him. He said Milton told him that they only remember the home runs so he thought he was going on too long. Jeff said he thought that he found his Yankee stadium that day.
Howard asked Jeff about seeing Milton's penis. Jeff said he was working at the Man Show as a writer. He said that he had gotten to know Milton very well. He said one day Milton asked him for help walking to the men's room. He said he was very frail at the time. He said that he was at the urinal and it was very creepy. He said he was peeing and Milton was peeing and he was backing off just enough to see it. He said it was big too. Howard asked how big is big. Jeff said that you see a glimpse and you know it's bigger than yours. He said that he only saw a little bit of it and it was bigger than his.
Howard said that Jeff did a Bea Arthur joke that everyone remembers. Howard said he was at a Jerry Stiller roast. Jeff said that Jerry loved that being roasted was a big deal. He said that it was a big day for Jerry. He said he worked really hard on it. Jeff said he really prepares for something like that. He said that he loves Bea Arthur. He said that he wrote in the margin of the paper ''Bea Arthur's dick.'' He said he wanted to work her into the roast. He said that Sandra Bernhard went on and just did weird. He said then he got up and did his thing. He said before he did one thing he looked at Sandra and said he wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick. He said that the joke was fine but it was her reaction of just learning at him that made the into an A+ joke. Howard said that is the greatest.
Howard said he was thinking about how great Jeff was at his birthday party. Howard said it was so fun when he was doing it. Howard said that Joan Rivers was there and they worked together. Howard said that was like the last time Joan worked because she died like a month later.
Jeff said that Gary called him and said that he could do it alone or with Joan. He said he thought it could be cool. He said that he had never done a dueling roast. He said he talked to Joan about it and they had two phone calls and then met and rehearsed. He said that they went over the material. Jeff said the amazing thing about Joan is that they got to the point where they had jokes about Robin and the movie ''12 Years a Slave.'' He said Joan told him his was better. He said she was a real pro. He said they both needed to score and that showed real professionalism. Jeff said it reminded him of her roast on Comedy Central. He said they roasted her hard. Jeff said that she was the funniest person at her own roast.
Jeff said that he and Joan were leaving and Chris Christie was coming up the stairs. He said that she started roasting him on the stairs and Chris asked for mercy. He said that there was enough of an audience back stage for her to do that. Jeff said that he was walking out but he was having so much fun there. He said as he was walking out David Letterman was walking in. He said he told Dave that they had a great crowd out there. He said he felt like he'd been made that night. Jeff said that he was on Letterman once. He said that he was on in 1995. He said that most things are anticlimactic but that so wasn't. He said that he went to the Letterman marquee and prayed. He said that was like the last time he prayed. He said he killed on Letterman. Jeff said he had never done his act without a microphone. He said that the audience was so powerful and he didn't know what to do with his hands so he was throwing snap kicks and things like that.
Howard asked Jeff about what he did on Letterman that they left in that he thought they wouldn't allow. Jeff said that they were anti-prop act things. He said that he wanted to use a back pack. He said that he did a silly thing where he was waiting for the bus in 7th grade. He said that they don't like that kind of stuff but they let him do that stuff and let him break that ground. Jeff said that stuff stood out. Jeff said he was really frustrated at the time so they helped him get out there.
Howard said Jeff wrote for The Man Show and other stuff. Jeff said he wrote for the Oscar's. He said he has a screen play in the works now too. Jeff said he wrote for Billy Crystal on the Oscars. He said that he just writes and Billy will come over and ask what they have. He said if you have something it had better work. He said that now they do that stuff on the roasts. He said on the James Franco roast he'd run back and do something back stage to find jokes. He said he'd just yell out stuff asking for jokes about his 92 year old grandmother in the front row. Jeff said that they wrote one for him about how Franco's movie 127 Hours was how long his grandmother has to live.
Howard asked Jeff if he can function high doing a roast. Jeff said he's not really high. He said he'll take one hit with Snoop and it relaxes him a little bit. He said that it puts you in a zen kind of thing.
Howard asked Jeff if he has ever done a joke that was ''too soon.'' Jeff said he's been getting better at finding that line. He said once he was up in Toronto and he was on stage for over an hour. He said that he had to pee so in the two minutes he ran off stage someone had checked their phone and saw that Whitney Houston had died. Jeff said he got back on stage and someone yelled out that she died. Jeff said he just said ''Houston we have a problem.'' He said that it just popped out. He said he started riffing on Whitney right then. He said that's how comedians deal with pain. Jeff said that Jerry Seinfeld was talking about how people are too PC these days. He said that you don't want your medicine watered down. He said it's going to get to a point when it's depressing.
Howard said he sits there talking for 4-5 hours off the cuff. He said that he is just trying to entertain people. He said he thinks that's what Jeff is talking about. He said that he wants to see Jeff come up with spontaneous stuff. He said he'd rather see that and be offended. He said he wants to see that. Robin said they just talked about that with Louis C.K. about his jokes on Saturday Night Live. Robin said she thought it was brilliant stuff. Howard said he did too.
Jeff asked why we want to tame it down. He said life sucks sometimes. He said they try to lighten up the sadness in this world. Jeff said that this is what they do. He said if they can't take those swings then it's going to be all jugglers and stuff like that. Robin said maybe we're too soft as a society.
Howard said they have the clip of Jeff and Joan roasting him up on his web site. Howard said Jeff's special is on Comedy Central and on their app if you want to see that.
Howard said Jeff wants to roast Kim Kardashian or Kanye West. Jeff knows her from Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he forgot he was on there. Jeff said he had the lowest scores of all time on that show.
Howard gave Jeff some more plugs and said you can find out more about his upcoming dates at RoastmasterGeneral.com
Jeff told Howard that he really appreciates him talking about his special the way he has. He said he was a big fan of Howard's for a long time and he feels like he's come full circle now. Jeff said he used to want to work in radio when he was coming up. Jeff said he went to Boston University like Howard did and they have never given them any respect. Howard said he doesn't care if they appreciate him. He said he appreciates the education. Howard said he needed time and he was a confused kid. He said he needed time to mature. Jeff said that he thinks going up there was good for him too. He said he got to know more of the country just going there.
Howard asked Jeff what he did at Bonaroo. Jeff said he loves music. He said he smoked a little and danced too. He said he loves music and dancing. He said music just makes you feel good. Howard gave Jeff some more plugs and wrapped up with him.
Jeff said Howard is picking on the Wack Pack like he said earlier. Howard said the lump finally made Jeff interesting. He said he never puts him on 3 times during a show. Howard asked the lump why he chose Jeff instead of someone famous. The Lump said that you have to work your way up. Howard asked about talking to the boil on his ass. The Lump said that he's great. He said everything on Jeff is nice it's just Jeff himself that isn't so great. He said that he has a date with Kate Upton tonight thanks to this. Jeff asked if this is Richard. The Lump told him to stop trying to break the fourth wall. Howard asked if he has any hair growing out of him. The Lump said he may have a tooth growing in the middle. He said he's going to try to avoid going on Jeff's face. He said that he doesn't want to be in that cowboy hat though. Jeff said he just got a new one 2 weeks ago so fuck you.
Howard asked The Lump if he has anything else to say. The Lump said he's a better actor than Jeff. Jeff said he has a movie coming out next month. Jeff said he's a great actor. Howard said he has to get going. Jeff said he wants his fucking props mother fucker. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Jeff said he's in a movie called B Roll. Howard said he has no idea what he's even talking about. Fred did his impression of Jeff mumbling. The Lump said that the movie is premiering on The Who Gives a Shit channel.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone. Mariann said that she was the first one to get the call about The Lump. She said that Jeff is lucky to have that lump because he's getting air time. Mariann said that she was really worried about Jeff. She said now he's with him forever. The Lump said that he wants to be on Mariann's vagina next.
Mariann said that his shows are so amazing. Mariann said that she's working on a calendar now. Howard hung up on her and let The Lump and Jeff go. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Robin has a Corvette too that she never drives. Robin said she doesn't have any writing on it though. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie voices and goofed on him about the Corvette. Howard said people must think that he's associated with the Indy 500. Ronnie said that they don't and that's not what he's doing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what it says on the car. Ronnie didn't say. Ronnie said he was looking for a collector car. That's the one he got. Gary said that he saw a picture with Rick's Cabaret writing on it. Ronnie said that was a photo shoot they did. He said nothing is on the hood.
Ronnie said that Fred has a Cutless Convertible too. Fred said it doesn't have any writing on it though. Howard and Fred kept goofing on Ronnie and Robin said she knew where that party was when she saw the car there.
Ronnie said that the car has writing on the side and it says ''1995 Indianapolis 500 Pace Car'' and that's it. He said it comes that way. Ronnie said he doesn't get why they have to make fun of it. Howard said he doesn't run around with a big sign on the side of his car. Howard said he paints for himself. Ronnie said he likes to go out and look at the car in the garage. Ronnie asked Howard if he ever bought a collectible thing. Howard said no but Ronnie said he does have some collectible stuff. Howard said he didn't buy it though. It was given to him.
Howard asked who else was there. Robin said Richard Christy was there and he was on good behavior. Ronnie said Richard was eating some kind of Kielbasa that looked like two of Sal's cocks. Ronnie said it was nice to see everyone at one time. Howard said someone sent him that Iran Man helmet that Ronnie was talking about. He said that he doesn't walk around in it like Ronnie drives in his car.
Robin told Howard that Richard, Jim, Ronnie, Grillo and some other people were there at the party. Ronnie said it got emotional at the end. Howard asked if Doug or Scott DePace were there. Ronnie said no. Ronnie said there were a lot of guys missing. Howard said he wishes Richie and Rachel luck in Florida.
Robin read a story about Zoe Saldana's husband taking her name. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said that he thinks it's fine. He said he's encouraging his kids to keep the Stern name alive. Robin had a clip of Jimmy Kimmel talking to Zoe about that. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie's pace car that Richard did.
Robin said that Bill Maher is taking heat for saying that he'd like to see ISIS be successful in taking over Iraq. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said after hearing that he gets what he was saying. He said that Bill is saying that if they do take over then maybe the people will rise up and take it back instead of relying on someone else to do it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Chris Rock's divorce and how the pre-nup had an expiration. Robin said that he's past that date and his ex-wife is looking for a lot of money. Robin said they say he's worth about $70 million. Howard said he's going to have to give her minimally 35 million. Howard said that there's going to be stuff with the kids. Howard said that the laws have gone in the other direction. Howard said that the laws have changed and rightly so. Howard said when you get into these mega divorces you'd think that 35 million would be plenty. Howard said that the wife will argue that she shouldn't have to pay for clothing for the kids or something. Howard said if she was the money earner they'd take it out of her pot. Howard said you eventually rue the day that you ever had a pot.
Robin read about how 2 teenagers lost limbs in separate shark attacks in North Carolina. Robin said both of the kids are out of surgery. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the attacks. Howard said he gets nervous in the ocean now. Robin said that one girl lost her arm below the elbow. Howard said that's so sad. Robin said less than 2 hours later a boy lost his left arm below the shoulder after an attack.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to see James Taylor tomorrow night. Howard said he's not. He gave this caller the tickets. Howard said they're having a big concert this week. Howard said he's dying to go to the show but he has to stick to the schedule. He said the show starts at 8 and he knows he won't want to leave early and he'll be up late and he'll get cranky. He said he has to be very regimented with the show. Howard said he takes it very seriously. Howard told the guy to have a good time there. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner being in the news this weekend. Robin said a pastor did a video where he talks about her and she had some audio of him for Howard to play. Howard played the clips of this pastor talking about Caitlyn. Howard said this guy's voice is very effeminate. He said no offense to him but he does. Howard did an impression of the guy in a very effeminate voice. Howard said that it doesn't affect this guy at all. The pastor was saying he hopes he dies today and goes to hell. Howard said he must be very confused by this whole thing. Robin said he hoped that Caitlyn goes to hell but he doesn't even know if that's going to happen. Robin had another clip of the guy saying that no one who supports that is welcome in their church.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jeff Ross interview was surprising. He said that prison show sounds awesome. Howard said he got excited when he saw it. He said that he doesn't like straight stand up specials anymore. He said he learned from it.
Robin read a story about the Cavaliers and a reverend who has asked the Cavs fans to pray for them to win. Robin had some audio of that guy talking about his prayers.
Robin read a story about the escapees from the NY prison. Robin said no one knows where they are. Robin said the governor is supposed to make some comments about them today. Robin said they could be anywhere at this point. Robin had some audio of Governor Cuomo talking about that. Howard said if it was him he'd go buy an Elmo outfit and go to Times Square. He said they'd never find him there. Robin read about the woman who allegedly helped the inmates escape. Robin said she allegedly gave them tools to help them escape. Robin said she was supposed to run off with them and they were supposed to kill her husband. Howard said that chick is something else. Howard said she looks like Mike Ditka in a blonde wig. Howard said he'd rather fuck Jeff the Drunk's lump.
Robin read a story about the woman who was with the NAACP and was revealed to be white. Robin said that she was good at her job according to what people are saying. Robin said she was running the NAACP. Howard said that you can't lie about being black though. Robin said no but she could do that job without being black. Howard said he's against this because it can hurt someone. He said a transgender person isn't hurting anyone. He said this woman could be taking a job away from a genuine black person. Benjy asked how he'd feel with a transgender taking a sports job away from a non-transgender person. Howard said that's a tough one. Gary said that they do a cell test in the Olympics. Howard said he's probably against that.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and how he's supposed to make a big announcement tomorrow. Howard said he should do that on his show. Howard said that he's been good to him over the years. Robin said he tends to stick with FOX News lately. Robin had some audio of Trump that she had Howard play.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton announcing that she's running for President of the United States. Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking too. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said another thing he wants to talk about is Benjy and what Howard did with him today. He said Benjy jumped down Howard's throat today. He said that Benjy brought his relationship to the air when it was going well. Then when it went bad he didn't want to talk about it on the air anymore. He said that Benjy's beard dyeing came up and Howard pointed it out. He wonders if Benjy over reacted.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the disrespect that Benjy has for Howard is weird. He asked if they can talk aback to him that way. Jon said that they can talk to him any way you want to but you have to expect Howard to react. The caller said that it seems like Howard doesn't want to even respond to that. He said he's sort of shocked by the whole thing. He said he wonders why that's accepted. Jon said Benjy has said before that if he feels someone is saying something wrong or inappropriate he doesn't care and he'll jump down your throat. Jon said he thinks today he felt like Howard was misrepresenting him and he went at him. He said that he thinks Benjy is nuts for doing that. He said he feels that he was off base. The caller said that he thinks he was too. He said Howard was trying to help him out today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Scott the Engineer has done what Benjy did. He said that Scott has told Howard to go fuck himself. He said that he thinks Howard is a demanding boss but he's loyal. He said that his responses were insulting but Howard took it and gave it back to him. He said that he saw on YouTube once where Ronnie went off on someone and that's their security guard. Jon said that sometimes they're pushed to their breaking points there. He said that's what makes the show great. He said that it's about real emotion and real fights. Jon said he thinks they get along well because of that. He said it's releasing in some ways. He said sometimes it hurts.
Jon said that today Hanzi called in and got angry at Howard. He said he thinks that Howard is setting him up. He said that he isn't a personality without Howard though. He said you can't have it both ways. He said you have to appreciate Howard taking the time to talk to you.
Jon and Nile spent a few minutes talking about making music and things that had nothing to do with today's show. Jon tried to bring it back to Howard and compared what Nile has done in the studio to Howard's show. They went to break a short time later.
Jon told Gary what he missed with Nile Rodgers earlier. Gary said he's been a fan of Nile's for many years. Jon compared Howard's career to Nile's since they've managed to stay relevant for so long. Nile said he has been a fan of Howard's for a long time too. He said they used to play tapes on the tour bus and they'd be crying laughing at the stuff that he used to do.
Nile talked about living in New York and the different things he loves. He said that you get turned on to Howard and it becomes just a thing. He said that they loved Howard. He said that they'd miss the show and someone would have it recorded.
Jon said Howard talks about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Jon asked Nile what it means to him. He said he's been nominated like 9 times and hasn't gotten in. He said that no one in the hall of fame has gone to number 1 three times. He said he has. He said it was the biggest selling record in the history of Atlantic records. He said that he was talking to Paul Simon about this and he said that they just don't like dance music. They spent a few minutes talking about that. Gary suggested that Nile tell the hall of fame to go fuck themselves and they may get in. He said that's what Hall & Oates did to get in.
Jon said that High Pitch Eric fell for a scam on Craigslist. He said they have the results now. Rahsaan said the results for their poll which they asked ''Which One of Leiberman's High Pitch Erik Updates Did You Find Most Disturbing?'' The choices were:
Rahsaan said 50 percent of the votes were for the skin infection. 30 percent went to Eric getting scammed on Craigslist and 20 percent was the ear wax story.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about how jealous about the Today show getting an interview with that woman (Rachel Dolezal) who was pretending to be black with the NAACP. Howard said he wishes he could have that. Howard said that they can bet on some things though. Howard said if you're her and you're going on that show do you get in black face? Howard said that she has a tanning thing and an afro. Howard asked if she's going back white. Robin said she has to keep the hair. Howard said she had straight hair and permed it. Howard said she may go with the dark skin. Robin said she thinks it's tan. Howard said he thinks it's sprayed on.
Robin said maybe she has a tanning bed. JD said he has the answer if they want to know. Howard asked how he has the answer. JD said they showed her and she has the dark skin. He said she has the same hair. Howard said she's going black then. Howard said good for her. Robin said you can't just be black for a day. She may take a while to get out of that. Robin asked what she's going to say in that interview.
Howard said he doesn't care so much about hockey, basketball or anything like that. Howard said he's not into it. He said it's weird that they have hockey in the summer. He said he guesses it's winter somewhere. Howard said Jon Hein was telling him that JR Smith used to be on the Knicks and a bunch of others who were Knicks go to other teams and win. Howard said that it must say something about the coaching. Robin said something is terribly wrong. Howard said either that or Lebron James is a game changer.
Howard said that he's not one to comment on sports. He said he's not a team fan really. He said he does go to some games.
Howard said he didn't mean to blow Robin off yesterday. He said he has this beautiful cat named Maple. Howard said he's very involved with her. He said she's one of their fosters. Robin asked if those were Tommy John socks that he was wearing in the one picture. Howard said those were NY Knicks socks. Howard said he was going for a walk. He said those are the only socks that he likes that stay on his feet properly. Howard said the other type don't stay on his feet. He said he has tried with others but the Knick socks work. He said he loves them. Howard said they gave him a bunch and he wishes they'd send him more. Robin said she was looking at the cats. Howard said he doesn't want his face on her Instagram account so he avoids that. Howard said the other day he was wearing pajamas. He said that they actually fit so he wears them.
Howard said the cat, Maple, is going up for adoption. Howard said that he will only give her to a great family. Howard said he was joking about Robin yesterday. He said that Maple is so great. Howard said he's in charge of her and she's great. Howard said she came all the way from somewhere that Beth air lifted her from. Howard said she had her kittens and now they're weaned off of her. Howard said all six are her kittens. Howard said she has the nicest disposition. Howard said Robin may take her but if you want Maple then contact Beth.
Howard said if you're halfway normal then he'll consider it. Howard said he's not sure why he even brought that up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if his dead arm can call in. Howard said it's only the lump right now. Howard said that song parodies are coming in like crazy. Howard played one about ''The Lump'' from Psych. Howard had another one about Lump living with Jeff to the same tune. Howard said that everyone went to the same song. Howard said Little Mikey did one to the same song by The Presidents of the United States of America.
Howard had The Lump on the phone so he went to him. The Lump said that Jeff is the lump on him at this point. He said he's getting bigger than Jeff. He said that they're writing songs about him now. Howard said Robin is still getting a lot of songs too. Jeff asked if this is Eric Andre. The Lump told him not to break things down too much.
Howard said The Lump is having a better life than Jeff is. The Lump said he's excited about Jeff's movie he has coming out. He said that he's going to take over the world with that. He said watch out Jurassic World.
Howard said they know that Jeff had a boil on his ass. Howard asked if there are other things on Jeff. Jeff said that thing was called a carbuncle. The Lump told Howard there are other things on him that are pretty disgusting too. He said Jeff doesn't really wipe his ass very well. Jeff said he does too. He said that he gets in there deep.
Howard said Little Mikey sent in a new song parody about Robin. He played that since they were wondering if they were still getting them for Robin. The Lump said those are some lumps on Robin's chest. The Lump said that the fungus on Gary's feet have the life. He said they're disgusting but they're living the good life up in Connecticut. Howard said that it's better to be the fungus.
Howard said he has Jeff's boil on the phone too. Howard spent a seconds with that but said he's done with it all now. Howard let The Lump go and let Jeff go after that.
Howard read an email about Ronnie's pace car. Howard said that the guy says Ronnie is right about that car being collectible. Howard said that there were other people who thought he was an idiot for owning one. Howard said there were people who enjoyed Jeff Ross yesterday. Howard said there are pictures of Ronnie's car on HowardStern.com
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks America's Got Talent will have to close up shop or will they be able to replace Howard Stern. Howard said if he leaves he thinks it's still viable. Howard said maybe it would go down but maybe not. Howard said he's not sure what it would be. Howard said he's not sure what his relevance is on the show sometimes. He said when the live shows are on he gets to be him. He said the edited stuff he's not so sure about.
The caller said he's not sure who could replace Howard on the show. He said he has an eye for talent. The caller also said he knows he's going to talk about Trump and fuck all of the other people who are running.
Howard said he thinks some people are compassionate and they want to do the right thing for the country. Howard said he thinks Jeb Bush tried to do right for the people of Florida. He said he was responsible. He said Hillary Clinton did try too. Howard said Hillary had a difficult upbringing and she managed to do well. Howard said she knows struggle. Howard said he grew up struggling too. He said that he is successful now but he put in his time when he was young. Howard said when Nelson Mandela got out of jail and became the president of South Africa he didn't forget his time in jail. Howard said he doesn't believe that all politicians forget where they came from. Robin said Jeb came from money. Howard said that's true. Howard said maybe he made life better for the people of Florida. Howard said he doesn't get hung up on a guy's net worth.
Robin said if Donald Trump gets into it then he'll be one of the richest. Howard said that he grew up a billionaire. Robin said they say that he may be worth 9 billion. Howard said he has run a successful business. He said everyone has their pros and cons.
Howard said he was listening to Hillary's speech the other day and she believes in the right for a woman's choice. Howard said she believes in gay marriage too. Howard said those thing are important to him. He said when it comes to the supreme court the conservative agenda can be scary. Robin wondered who Donald Trump would choose for that. Howard said he's not sure why he'd want to be President. Howard said he is anxious to hear what Trump has to say. Howard said the republican field is so full that they have to chose the top 10 to debate.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call from Chris Wilding up in Canada. Howard said he took tape of Mad Dog from his radio show and called an internet show. Howard played the call and Chris got on the air saying that his dad sent in a check a month ago and he's wondering what's going on. Chris played clips of Mad Dog Russo yelling at them and the hosts were arguing with the clips.
Howard said that's some show he called into. Howard said he can't tell if that one guy is pro Jew or hates them. Howard said it seems like everyone needs to hate someone.
Howard said it would be great if Jeff's lump went into Bobo and they could talk to him in there. Howard said he would think he'd rather be in Bobo than in Jeff.
Bobo asked Howard if he and Beth ever have a moment and just go out for a drive without Ronnie. Howard laughed. He said sometimes they drive. He said that they get in the car and he drives. Bobo asked if he gets lost. Howard said he gets lost every time he drives. Howard said he can get lost 3 blocks from his house. He said he doesn't know how but he does. Howard said the GPS doesn't work and it's a disaster. Howard said he admires people who have a sense of direction. Howard said he couldn't get to Sirius if he had to. Howard said he's not sure where they're at. Howard said he knows the Fish in the Dark theater is near there and Radio City is too. Howard said it would take him a long time to get home if he had to do it himself. Robin said they don't live far from there either. Howard said he and Robin would drive together and they'd always get lost. He said they'd be heading to Long Island and end up in the Bronx.
Howard said he would spend hours in the car trying to get somewhere. He said he made a right turn where he wasn't supposed to and a cop pulled him over. He said that he started crying saying he didn't know how to get home. Howard said he was 30 years old and had just been fired. Howard said the woman cop took pity on him and told him to just get the fuck out of there. Howard said if Gary the Conqueror and he took a driving test he thinks Gary would win.
Howard said Beth is better with direction than he is. He said she lets him do the driving. Howard said she doesn't like driving. Howard told Bobo to go take care of himself. Bobo asked him to keep Hanzi off the air. He said he hates that guy. Howard said people say the same thing about Bobo. Bobo said he doesn't ask for anything though. Gary said Bobo asks for anything they ever get rid of. Gary said he's been asking to get on General Hospital too. Bobo said they use his name on that show.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo was watching General Hospital and they called someone Bobo so he thinks it's about him. Shuli said that Bobo thinks that they're huge superfans and they're throwing his name out there because of that. He said Bobo immediately wrote a letter and called the producer and head writer. Bobo said he just gets their voicemail when he calls. Howard said he'd love to hear that voicemail. Shuli said he'd love to read that letter. Howard said he should be on General Mental Hospital. Howard said he's an arrogant guy like that. Howard said Bobo made his way up to the room when his wife had their first kid. Robin said that Bobo is out of his mind.
Shuli said he and Bobo did a read together. Shuli said it was months ago. He said he gave it to Ryan and it was passed through the chain. Gary said he has to track it down.
Shuli said Bobo called him in a panic thinking that he's being tracked by Egyptian terrorists. Bobo said that's true. Shuli said Bobo thought that since he was a postal worker that he was hacked. He said he got a call from someone and it said ''Egypt'' on the caller ID. He said it's a telemarketer. Howard said Bobo doesn't want to Google it because he wants to feel he's important. Bobo said Shuli told him it was from Egypt. Shuli said of course he did.
Howard said Bobo is crazy calling General Hospital to get on the show just because they called someone Bobo. Shuli said he is so out of it that he drove there instead of flying because he thought the Egyptian terrorists were going to be on his plane and crash it.
Bobo said he was also in the Army so he is part of that. Howard asked what he did in the Army. Bobo said he was an E2. He said he got out in a year and a half. Robin asked why that is. Howard and the guys goofed on him before he could answer that. Bobo said he was a cook and a teletype. He said he did his service. Robin asked why it was so short. Bobo said he got a knee injury. Bobo said that he was company B from Hemptsted.
Howard said the General Hospital thing isn't easy. He said that you have to remember lines and stuff. Robin said they wouldn't give him lines. Howard said Bobo is a douche bag. Bobo said he'd love to be on that show. Howard said he'd love to be a bird and fly or be President. Bobo said they're big fans of the show.
Gary said he found the clip of Bobo and Shuli running the scene together. Howard played the clip and Bobo was reading lines with Shuli playing a girl. Bobo was pretty bad as an actor.
Shuli said that Bobo carries a stick when he goes out for a walk down in Florida because he's afraid of what might come after him. He said it seems like he has a new paranoia every week. Howard said what a douche. Shuli said there are people who listen to the show and watch TV thinking they should be on just like Bobo.
Shuli said that Ass Napkin Ed doesn't want to be on TV. He said he just wants to get laid. Shuli said that Bobo didn't want to go to Florida. He said his wife made him move down there. Howard thanked Shuli for the update. Howard said General Hospital just called and they want him instead of Bobo.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thought of that woman getting naked on Game of Thrones. Howard said t was great. He said that it was an extended nude scene and it was great. Howard said there's this woman on CNN, Fredricka Whitfield, who said something that she had to apologize for. Howard said they should take her out and walk her around naked like they did on Game of Thrones. Howard said that she said she misspoke and CNN got a hold of her and made her apologize again. Howard played clips of all of those moments from the show. She had said something about a gunman being courageous and brave and she said she misspoke and she's sincerely sorry for what she did. She said she doesn't believe that he was courageous or brave.
Howard said they should do the same thing with that chick that they did with that woman on Game of Thrones. Gary told Howard that was a body double. He said that she was pregnant so they had to do some work to get her face on that body.
JD came in and said that they did that Liberace movie with Michael Douglas and they had scenes where he was playing piano. He said they put his head on another body. Howard said that's bullshit that it wasn't really her. Robin asked what's wrong with him. Howard said that he wanted to see her. Gary said he gets it. He said he wants to see the actual woman. Robin said they're not supposed to be trying to strip actresses. Howard said she can do what she wants and they'll do what they want. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he was reading about the Game of Thrones thing and how they use CGI to make the nudity thing work. Howard said that both the Khaleesi and Cersei won't get naked. Howard said they should make them sign a contract that they have to get naked.
Howard said Mr. Skin's guys are ready. He said they have the real woman who played Cersei in another movie years ago. Howard said the way you know they're different is that she has different titties. Howard said that they did a comparison side by side. Howard said that's the proof.
Howard said people are asking for Sternac so they're going to try to do it today. Howard went into character which is an old Johnny Carson bit (Carnac) that he used to do. Howard said he's doing Johnny Carson doing Jackie Gleason. Robin said this is 3 removed.
Robin talked Howard in as Sternac. Sternac would give answers and then read the questions in an envelope. Howard did the whole bit like Carson used to. Robin was playing the Ed McMahon role. Here are some of the answers and questions Sternac did today:
Howard had some one liners he used during the answer and question thing. Once they were done with the questions and answers they went to break.
Howard said this is like having a conversation with Benjy. Howard said if he was a PR guy he'd sit her down and tell her to tell Matt that it sounds crazy but she is a white woman and she was raised in a family that had 4 black children. He said she'd say that she doesn't know what the fuck happened to her but maybe she was jealous of the other kids. He said she wants to be black. Howard said she could say that. Howard said instead of her doing that and making it simple she's going on with this long explanation.
Howard played more of the interview with Rachel. Howard said she should just say that she is a black person stuck in a white person's body. Howard said he thought he used to want to be black because he drew himself with a huge cock.
Howard said Matt got the first interview. Howard said he's so jealous. He said he wishes he had that interview. Robin said it sounds like she needs lots of love.
Howard played another clip of Rachel talking about how she has changed a lot over her life. Matt said that she's changed her complexion. Rachel said she doesn't stay out of the sun. She said that she doesn't put on black face though.
Howard said Matt went on to ask her about her real father. Howard played that clip too. Rachel had claimed that her father was a black man who was obviously not her father. Rachel said that they connected on an intimate level as family. Matt asked why she said he was her father. Rachel said that he is her dad. She said not every man can be your dad. Robin said she's been estranged from her family for years. Robin said she's making these distinctions that she's decided that this was her dad. Howard said she has to go on and say she wants to be black so bad that she found a black man to pretend to be her dad. Howard said it's just so weird.
JD said he heard her talking about why she sued over being discriminated against but he didn't understand it. He said he wasn't able to explain it. He said she talks in circles. Howard asked if she talks in circles then what does he talk in, squares?
Howard played another clip of Rachel talking about how she thinks that you should be able to choose your race. Howard said she's beating around the bush. Howard jokingly said she was 5 minutes late for the interview and she told Matt she's on CPT. Howard said he loves opening the paper and seeing the news. He said there's always some weirdness going on. Howard said maybe being black is getting better.
Robin asked if she would have wanted to be black during Jim Crow segregation. Robin said it is easier now.
Howard said he thinks Beth has an email address too. He asked Gary and Jason what it was but no one was answering. Jason said he wasn't able to find the microphone to talk to him. Gary said he was talking to Judd and Jason was looking for the microphone. He said that they moved it. Howard said there's always a problem around there. Howard asked what Beth's email is. Gary said he's not sure. Howard asked what the fucking answer is. Fred played a clip from Game of Thrones where they were ringing a bell and saying ''Shame!'' over and over. Howard said shame on all of them. Howard said he wanted to clobber that woman and say shame.
Howard said the email is BethSternFosters@gmail.com if you want to adopt. The caller thanked him for the information.
Howard said Maple is a great cat. He said she's very light but they're trying to fatten her up. Howard said that Judd Apatow is there. Howard said he's a great guy. He said he's directed so many great movies.
Howard said he has a bunch of stuff to play. He said he has another Chris Wilding phony phone call. Howard said he took Gary the Conqueror sex scene clips and called a public access show saying that his retarded son was having sex in the other room. Howard played the call and Chris tells the guy that his diminished capacity son is having a relationship with a woman. He goes into his son's room and then plays the clips of Gary making the sex noises. The host of the show hung up and gave his final thoughts of the show.
Howard said this kid Chris is making a bunch of calls. Howard said he did some song parodies too. Howard said he has another one he did. Howard said this one is called JD's Transitioning. Howard played the call and Chris called a show saying that his son JD is going to transition. He had clips of JD talking about how he's not proud of ''it''. The host had a conversation with the clips. Chris played some clips of JD laughing and things like that during the call.
Howard said that's exciting. He said JD is transitioning. Howard said he and Robin hope that everyone transitions into something different.
Howard said that they're hoping for more transitioning. Howard said that's Chris Wilding doing the calls. Howard said he even sent them a bit. Howard said it's called Whitney's Last Concert. Howard played the bit and he had clips of Robin singing Whitney Houston songs in a news report about one of Whitney's last concerts. Howard said that was a documentary about Whitney Houston's life. Howard said that's awesome.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said Judd Apatow will be in to talk about his book and some other things. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Bowie song a little bit. Howard said he came back in the middle of it. He said it's not like it would help. Howard asked what version it is. Fred said it's Live at the Tower. Howard said he doesn't think so. Fred said maybe they put it in wrong. Howard said there's no way that's from that album. Howard said he knows it inside out. He doesn't buy it.
Howard said Judd Apatow is there. He said everything he does becomes a billion dollar movie. He said good for him. Judd came in and said that he has a book out. Judd said the last time he interviewed him he had more energy.
Howard said Judd is a comedy nerd. He said that he used to do interviews with comedians when he was young. Howard said Judd wanted to be a stand up. Judd said he did it last night with a bunch of other comedians. He said the others were fantastic and he was trying to not create a lull. Howard said that it seems like it would take up most of his day trying to do that. Howard said it's a pretty important job that Judd has. Judd said he has 8 people working for him. Howard said he seems to be obsessed with interviewing comedians. He said he's trying to unlock something. Judd said that's true. Judd said that he started doing it about 14 months ago. He said that Amy Schumer was doing it and shooting the movie ''Train Wreck.'' He said that he wanted to go out and do it. He said Train Wreck comes out July 17th.
Judd said that he tried stand up at Chuckles in Mineola when he was 17. He said he was terrible at it. He asked people to heckle him so he could practice. He said he had no comebacks. He said then they wouldn't stop cursing at him. He said his friend yells at them to shut the fuck up. Howard said that's so great to ask to be heckled and not have a comeback. Judd said he did that for 7 years.
Howard asked what his biggest gig was. Judd said he was on the Dennis Miller show and a Young Comedians Special on HBO. Howard said that usually launches people. Judd said that Ray Romano was launched from that show. He said it was clear he was going to be gig at that point.
Howard asked Judd if there is a point when everything clicks. Judd said yes. Howard asked if it's a surprise because he knew them when they sucked. Judd said there are great comics now that he was wrong about back in the day. He said he was wrong about Andy Kindler that he was never going to make it. He said Andy is as funny as anyone in comedy.
Howard asked Judd if he thinks he had stuck with the comedy thing then would he have made it with that moment like Chris Rock had when he did. Howard said Chris all of a sudden kind of willed himself to be great. Judd said it's hard to know. He said he worked with Chris early on and he had some great jokes. He said his best 20 were way better than anyone else's in the business. He said you just knew it was going to fill out.
Howard said Chris has a great persona. Howard said you don't get that over night. Judd said he went to the Comedy Cellar every night and he'd follow Ray Romano and then Dice. He said that Dice stuck around and watched him. He said that this was last summer. He said that he was great. He said Rock would come in and he was clearly better than everyone by far. He said he's on another level.
Howard said some people just work so hard at it. Howard said he had to do that with radio. He said you work at it or you realize you have to change professions. Howard said David Letterman says he knew he'd be a better broadcaster than a stand up.
Howard said Judd took a bunch of his old interviews and put them in this book. Judd said all of the money is going to charity for his book ''Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy''. He said it's a mistake because they sold it for so much.
Judd said that he did some producing for comedy shows that raised money for the homeless. He said they heard that Rod Stewart had a song coming out for Comic Relief. He said the song was Forever Young. He said out of the blue he had a hit song. He said they suddenly got the call that he wasn't going to give them the money. He said that maybe he made up that story. He said he thought he heard that story.
Howard said Judd was such a comedy geek that he'd come home from school and watch TV until 1 in the morning. Howard said he thinks that can be a decent education. Howard said his parents didn't care. Judd said he watched so much TV and he showed a little bit of interested in a dirt bike. He said his parents bought him a KX-80 just to get him out of the house. He said one day he went over the handlebars and smashed his head so he stopped riding and watched more TV.
Howard said Judd would transcribe TV shows. Judd said before VCRs you didn't know if you'd ever see it again. He said he would write them out after tape recording the audio. He said back in the 80s he'd listen to Howard and then he'd watch Love Connection and a bunch of other shows all day and all night. Howard said that's a good education for someone who becomes a TV and movie director.
Howard said he gave his kids TVs in their rooms and they never watched. He said they don't care about TV at all. He said they just read. Judd said that might be genetic. He said that he tells his kids they can't watch something and they've already watched 3 seasons of it. He said that you used to be able to stop a kid from watching something but now they have it on their phone. Howard said that is crazy. Howard said he loves watching stuff on the small screens. Robin said it kills her when she hears that.
Judd said he lived with his dad after his mom moved out. He said years later she told him she thought she was just leaving for a week. He said his brother moved to California and his sister lived with his mother. He said they all just moved around. Judd said he thinks he got angry about that. He said he would go to the sporting good store and swap out the price tags. That's how he lashed out.
Howard said Judd eventually worked in a comedy club to learn about comedy. Judd said that's how he got into comedy. Howard asked if he interviewed Bill Cosby. Judd said he didn't. He did interview Howard though. He said he got on the phone with him for about 3 minutes. He said it was off the air. Judd said that Howard's attitude wasn't so good. He said he played the tape there on the air a few years ago. He said it's a hilarious tape.
Howard asked if he was shocked that he did call. Judd said he was. He said that he worked at a high school radio station and he never said that. He just said it was a radio station.
Howard said he doesn't remember listening to the clip. Judd said it was a long time ago. He said it might have been 8 years ago.
Howard asked Judd if he has the early interviews in the book. Judd said most of the stuff was from 1984 or so. He said he interviewed Leno and Seinfeld. He said he did Paul Reiser too. Howard said he has some of the tapes with him today. Howard said he has to listen to some of those.
Howard said Judd was Adam Sandler's roommate. Judd said he was. He said that they're still friends to this day. He said that they became friends quickly.
Howard said Judd is friends with a lot of comedians. Howard asked what his first writing job was. Judd said he did it simultaneously. He said the first big job was writing for George Wallace. He said he wrote a bunch of stuff for him. He said he got maybe $50 per joke. He said he was writing stuff that was paying the rent. He said he wrote for Jeff Dunham and Peanut. He said he wrote for Garry Shandling too. Howard said he's one of the best. Judd said he really is. Howard said he feels like he isn't doing anything anymore. Judd said he still comes in and does stand up. He said he's as funny as ever. He said he's just doing his own thing. Robin asked how he impressed Shandling. Judd said he stayed up all night and wrote like 100 jokes. He said he sent them to him and went over them on the phone. He said the jokes weren't that good but he knew stuff about modern music and Gary would give him the punch line.
Howard said Gary let him direct an episode of the Larry Sanders show. He convinced Judd to be a director. Judd said he did. Howard asked if Gary is wealthy enough that he doesn't have to work. Judd said he does seem to be able to get through live without caring too much. He said that sometimes you run into someone who bought Apple stock early on and maybe that's what happened.
Judd said that Gary had a psychic reading everyone on the show and one by one she was blowing everyone's mind. He said she walked in and told one guy he wanted to write comics. The guy never told anyone that. Judd said that she said to him that there would be a flood in his house and he'd direct soon. He said she was right. He said he was told he was going to direct and a month later he was asked to do it. Judd said that he worked there for about 5 years on the Larry Sanders show.
Judd told Howard what directing the show was like. He said that he went over to give notes to Jeffrey Tambor and he just yelled out ''Nooo!'' He said he learned from that and you don't have to give a lot of thoughts. He said just one small thing can make a big difference.
Howard asked if he was happy with that episode. Judd said it was good because Gary was there with him the whole time. He said he had to do a sex scene with Gary and an actress. He said that he had to do a homosexual scene too so he did both in the same week.
Howard asked Judd how many projects he has going on right now. He asked if they can have too much going on at once. He said the product can get watered down. Judd said some of the movies don't require that much from him once the script is good. He said if they have a great director to shoot it then he lets that person do the movie. He said that he can screw it up by confusing their point of view. Howard said he's doing ''Girls'' with Lena Dunham. Howard said he must have to work a lot on that early on. Judd said that he is still involved in the drafts and story. He said he's not on the set though. He said if he is there he may come up with 30 other ways to do a joke. He said that doesn't mean it's better. Judd said they did Superbad and they tried to get it made for years. He said they kept working with the script for years. He said he showed up maybe 3 times and it couldn't have gone better. He said sometimes he can get in the way. He said he'll try to pick the right moments to help.
Howard asked Judd if he ever has thoughts that he's not making the right move. Judd said there are times when you wonder why you're still in the business.
Howard said he's proud that Judd heard Amy Schumer on the show and wanted to do something with her. He said it seems like it's the right time for her. He said she's blowing up. Howard said that Amy brought Judd a script and he had to help her out with that. Judd said that he has to say thank you because he finally made him some money. He said he hopes it pays off for the 32 years he listened. He said that he heard Amy on for a really long segment and she was talking about her dad having MS and things like that. He said it was dark and heartwarming. He said he parked and listened in his car for an hour. He said he thought about how those stories were movies. He said he wasn't really a fan of her's before that. He said just off of talking to Howard he heard something. He said she has heart. Judd said she was riotously funny. Howard said you have to hope she'll be a good actress. Judd said that sometimes it doesn't work. He said there is a time when you see that she's the real deal. He said she has great pages and she can do it.
Howard asked if it was the same for the 40 Year Old Virgin and Steve Carell. Howard asked if that's how it all goes down. Judd said it's really a comedy nerd kind of thing. He said it's like seeing Amy and wishing there was an Amy movie. He said he used to watch Michael Keaton and wish there was a movie. He said then Mr. Mom shows up. He said now he wishes Amy had a movie and he gets to work with her. He said Steve was murdering on the set of Anchorman and he asked him if he had any thoughts for himself as the lead. He said Steve told him that he wanted to play a 40 year old virgin. He said they wrote it together. He said he wanted to watch more Steve so that's how he did it.
Howard asked Judd if he ever thinks about how he has the idea and it doesn't happen for like 2 years. Judd said sure. Howard said you want something to happen quickly. Judd said that there is always something happening that helps you deal with the waiting.
Howard asked if it's tough to direct someone like Amy when you have to infuse her with his knowledge. Judd said she started as an actress so when they were working on the script she'd say she read it with her theater company that weekend. He said that she was performing them with her friends. He said when they got to set she knew what she was doing. Judd said most people are good actors. He said if you give them a few takes most people can do it.
Howard said Freaks and Geeks was so great but it was only 13 episodes. Howard said so many great people came out of that. Howard said that it takes knowing who is talented to make it happen.
Howard said Judd also did the show ''Undeclared.'' He said Charlie Hunnam came out of that show. Judd said that's right. Judd said he was very handsome and he always seemed frustrated by that. He said he'd try to cover up his head all the time. He said he's a fantastic actor too.
Howard asked what happens if he hires someone for a movie and they just suck. He asked if that's happened to him. Judd said it really hasn't.
Howard said Judd interviewed these comedians and he's done some recently. He said he wrote his book, ''Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy'', about it. Howard said that they're all interested in a success story. Howard said it's interesting to find out how Jerry Seinfeld or Chris Rock became so successful. Howard said he thinks we're all interested in that. Judd said what Howard has been doing recently is those long interviews.
Howard played an interview that Judd did with Chris rock in the past couple of years. In that clip Chris talked about Jerry Seinfeld and how great he is.
Howard said Chris is very gracious talking about Jerry like that. Howard said that you have to be so opinionated when you're a comedian. Howard said that they seem very secure in what their opinions are. Judd said that when he was doing stand up Kinison was the guy. He said he thought about how he should just give up because of that. Howard said Kinison was light years ahead of everyone. He said that he thinks about him every day. Howard said he was one of the brilliant comic minds. Judd said he saw Sam when he wasn't known. He said it was totally different thing. He said they did a charity event. He said the men lost their minds and the women in the room all walked out. He said that the guys were all staying. Howard said Sam just did his thing. He didn't care what people thought. Howard said it was sad to see him destroying himself the way he did. Howard said the abuse is crazy.
Judd said that Sam was sober at the end of his life which makes it even more sad. He said there aren't really any wild men in comedy anymore. He said that they're better for the most part but where are the lunatics. Howard said Andy Kaufman seemed insane. He said Dice and Sam seemed insane. He said Bobcat Goldthwait seemed out of his mind too. Howard said even Howie Mandel seemed like he was mentally ill back then.
Howard said when Jim Carrey was auditioning to be Andy Kaufman he came to Judd and asked him to direct his audition tape. Howard asked if that's true. Judd said he didn't really direct but he was holding the camera and talking to him about it. Judd said he went with Jim to long Island when he was researching the part. He said that Andy was such a mystery to people. He said that hey asked his dad questions about Andy. Howard said some actors don't need to know the real person to play a part. He asked what it was like for Jim to do that. Judd said that Andy took a lot of acid so he saw the world in a different way. He said he morphed that with comedy. He said they heard an amazing story from the dad about how they'd fight all the time because the dad didn't get his son. He said that Andy said to his dad to read the book ''On the Road.'' He said Andy went home and the dad was reading the book crying. He said he apologized to Andy and said ''I get it now.'' He said Andy came in they read sections of the book together. He said that's what made them understand.
Howard asked if Judd worked with Robin Williams at all. Judd said not at all. He said that he did Comic Relief and he asked comedy clubs to do shows for them. He said he was around in the shadows but he never worked with Robin. He said he did have a lunch with him a few years before he died. He said that he was talking to him to get to know him better. Howard said he knows directors do that. Judd said the lunch was around the time when the Mel Gibson thing was happening. He said Robin was defending Mel saying he was just an angry drunk. He said that he was saying that he's a really good guy but that was the alcohol.
Howard played some audio of Judd interviewing Jerry Seinfeld about feeling important in their jobs. Jerry said what they do really isn't that important. Howard said that's refreshing to hear. Howard said that he thinks that when he goes he doesn't want the world to go on.
Judd said that he doesn't want to think about himself being that small either. Howard said the great Harold Ramis was like that. He said that he was a good actor and director. Howard said Judd talked to Harold years ago and he has some tape of him. Howard played that and Harold was talking about a reunion for Caddyshack and getting people like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray on the stage. He said it was early in the morning and it was just the wrong time of day to do it.
Howard said Judd interviewed a bunch of people for the book. He had Steve Martin. Howard said he told a story about how he was a little kid and he went to Steve Martin's house for an autograph and he stopped him in his driveway. Judd said that he said he doesn't sign autographs at his house. Judd said that he asked if he could sign it in the street. Judd said he wrote a letter to Steve ranting against him and threatened to send his address to people. He said that Steve sent him a book and signed it saying he didn't know he was talking to ''The'' Judd Apatow. He said he thinks he must have made Steve laugh for him to send him the book. He said he must have made him chuckle.
Howard asked if he sits there with Steve and thinks about how great it is sitting there with him. Judd said he was nervous sitting there. He said that sometimes you can't be yourself when you're in awe of someone. He said once he had lunch with Mick Jagger. He said they were writing a script and the Rolling Stones asked for them to write some stuff for their movie. He said it was him and Ben Stiller. He said they wanted to do it with Brad Pitt. Judd said he and Ben were talking to Mick Jagger and he was recording every conversation. He said he went and had dinner and he wasn't able to talk. He said he didn't say a word and Ben looked at him like what was wrong. He said that he tried to relate to him saying that he's a comedian that goes on the road. Howard said there are some people you just can't pull it together for. Howard said he'd love to interview Mick Jagger. He said he'd need like 10 hours for that though.
Judd said that they had to fly to England to talk to Mick. He said they went to Ron Woods' birthday party. He said they had a house band and Eric Clapton played with the house band. He said it was a tiny club and what was funny was that all of the rock stars were making jokes about Clapton getting up there to play with the house band. He said to them he's like the comedian who won't stop doing jokes. He said that Mick's daughter was there and it was so loud that he couldn't understand what she said. He said he asked her 7 times what she said and he never did understand it.
Judd said after all of that they had to pitch the movie ideas to the whole band. Judd said Ben pitched and he threw in some jokes. He said Ben was pitching it and he totally locked up while Ben was doing his thing. He said Ben said they were going to do it kind of Gimme Shelter style. He said Ron Wood kept raising his hand saying ''I say we do it.'' He said Keith would tell him to direct it calling him Alfred Hitchcock. Judd said they were busting each other's balls through the pitch. Judd said they walked out of the room while they talked it over. He said they got the okay to do it and then they got to go in and watch the band play for 2 and a half hours. He said that Mick would come over and ask if they needed any water. Judd said it eventually fell apart because Brad got the move Seven.
Howard said he's talked to Ben and Judd and that story doesn't come up. Judd said that's the best story he has. Howard said that he has never heard that one from Ben. Judd said it was the best story for him.
Howard asked if Judd and Ben get together and talk that story over. Judd said they're still friends. Howard asked if there are other movies that have fallen apart that don't get made. Judd said he had one with Owen Wilson and Rip Torn that he wanted to make. He said that he just wasn't able to get the studio to say yes to it. Judd said that was before he had a hit movie so it's hard to get something done. Howard asked if he would ever go back to that one. Judd said he hopes to some day.
Howard asked Judd if he saw this weeks' Game of Thrones. Judd said he hadn't. Howard said that they did a CGI thing for a nude woman in the show this week. Judd told Howard they did a special effect in a movie and he had a guy who was going to jump off a helicopter. He said that he was afraid that he was going to die. He said he was never going to do that again. He said even in Talladega Nights they did a lot of driving and he didn't want anyone to get hurt. He said no one should die for a funny line.
Howard asked Judd if he would trust Will Ferrell to do anything for him. Judd said he's one of the nicest and funniest guys so he'd think about it.
Howard said that Judd sad that the Bill Cosby book was the worst book ever written. Judd said that he just said that last week. Howard asked if he ever got a Bill Cosby interview. Judd said he did not. He said that the whole Bill Cosby thing is very dark. He said if it wasn't Bill Cosby and someone did this during this week we'd be freaking out about it. He said it's really bizarre. He said he's not sure why people can't tune into it. He said he talks about it because no one is talking about it. Robin said it's so bizarre to hear Cosby talking like an alien these days. Judd said that it is very odd. He did an impression of what Cosby sounds like today talking about that stuff.
Howard said if you read a script about something like that you'd think it would never happen. Judd said that would be like the lost Jerry Lewis movie where he played a clown in a concentration camp. He said it's really that weird.
Judd said he thinks that there are better people to look up to and it's great to tear a guy like that down. He said you have to stand up for the women who were attacked. Howard said we should applaud the women who stood up and came out about that. Howard said they aren't suing him but they want to get it off their chests. Judd said that Janice Dickinson has a picture of him with a crazy bathrobe on. He said that he's going to get away with it but we shouldn't pay to go see him doing stand up.
Howard said if it were him he'd go to another country and hide. Howard said people heckle him and Cosby just waits for them to calm down. Judd said that he inspired millions of people but secretly he has a mental problem.
Howard gave Judd some plugs for his book and for some stand up gigs he has coming up. Judd said they're doing a Train Wreck tour with Amy Schumer. He said he's doing shows with her. He said he's doing other appearances too. He said it's just fun. Howard asked how much time he does on stage. Judd said he's doing about 20 minutes. Howard said he admires the fact that he is doing it and just doing it to be better at it. He said it isn't an easy thing to do. Judd said he wishes guys like Eddie Murphy were on the road. He said he gave them more than enough but it would be incredible for him to do it now.
Howard asked if he ever saw Eddie work live. Judd said when he was 15 and Eddie was 21 he saw him at a club. He said that he was the most charismatic guys you've ever seen. Howard said he saw him when he was on Saturday Night Live and it really was amazing. Howard said he'd love to know what Eddie is thinking now. Judd said that everyone tapes your act today and it's tough out there. He said you have to say terrible things to find good jokes. Howard said that Eddie would have to go to small clubs or something. Judd said you'd have to take everyone's phone at the door.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld says that colleges are too politically correct so he won't play them anymore. Howard said it's tough out there. Robin said Eddie Murphy couldn't do things that he did back in the day. Judd said there are some people at the Comedy Cellar who do stuff that could end their careers that night if they were a little more famous.
Howard asked about Rosie O'Donnell and how he saw her early on. Judd said that he doesn't remember a lot about her but he knows he saw her on a weekend night at the club. He said that was a big deal for her at the time.
Howard said it's great to talk to Judd. Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's such a great song. He said that Benjy is the only one taking his clothes off. Howard said he's going to shame him like on Game of Thrones. Howard played a clip from the show with Benjy screaming.
Howard said he loves that song Brian Johnson sings by Wiz Kalifa. Howard played a clip of Jim Breuer doing his Brian Johnson voice singing the hit songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Royal Blood over the weekend and they were such a treat. He thanked Howard for turning him on to them. He said they were really good. Howard said it reminds him of the good old days when bands just got up and played without all of the bullshit.
Howard said he was looking at the movies that Judd has been involved with. He went through some of the shows and movies he's worked on. Howard said it's pretty fucking awesome. Howard said he makes choices that you wouldn't expect. He said he seems to know what he's doing. Howard said he loves the story about the Rolling Stones. Robin said she did too.
Howard said it's time for some news. He played Robin in with a song parody about her tits that Mick the Nerd did. Howard said he recognized his voice. Robin said she didn't pull that right out. Howard said he loves Robin's boobs. Howard said he just met her too.
Howard said he thinks that Wolfie took Mick somewhere. Howard had Wolfie on the phone. Wolfie said he took Mick out and he has some new stuff for him. He said he should have the tape. Howard said they may not have cut it up yet. Wolfie said they spoke to the guys who dress up like comic book characters. Howard said he got a note saying he heard it and rejected it. Howard asked Gary if he can put up one clip because it sounds funny.
Howard said that they had a guy who had a lot of bestiality DVDs he was selling at one of these events Wolfie went to. Howard said they took the audio of him reading a list and made a prank call. Howard said they use the tapes to make phony phone calls. Howard played the prank call where Richard called a guy about a VCR and VCR tapes he had for sale. They had the audio clips asking the guy if he had the tapes. The seller said he had a bunch of those tapes. He eventually hung up when they said that there was bestiality in the tapes.
Howard played some audio of Mick the Nerd talking to a guy in a Sponge Bob Squarepants outfit. The guy didn't understand what Mick was talking about. Wolfie said that these guys collect tips and they turn it over to some shady guy. Howard said he heard it's homeless guys and some of them are downright crazy. Howard said there was one Elmo out there yelling about the Jews not too long ago. Wolfie said that one guy dressed as Spider-Man had a web thing hooked up on his wrist and he whipped it out at him and hit him in the eye.
Howard said he thinks those escapees are out there somewhere in Times Square. Howard said that's where he'd hide. Howard said he could make a living out there too. Howard thanked Wolfie but Wolfie asked if he wanted to talk to his 8 year old son. Howard said alright but he didn't sound happy about it. Howard said hello to Harrison who said that all of the judges are pretty great. Howard asked him to try that again. Howard asked who the best judge is. He said ''Howie''. Howard asked if he really thinks Howie is a better judge than him. Harrison said he's not sure. Howard told him to tell his dad to call Howie then. Harrison said they're all pretty great. Howard asked again but Harrison said he can't decide. Howard said they're done. Howard asked what's up with his son thinking Howie is better than him. Howard told Wolfie to get him back on the phone and tell him the right answer. Howard got Harrison back on the phone and went through it again. This time Harrison said Howard is the best but that's what his dad told him to say.
Harrison didn't know who Robin was so Howard told him that's his mom. Howard asked if he has any brothers or sisters. Harrison said he has a sister named Hayden. Howard had him put her on the line. Howard said hi to Hayden and asked her who his favorite judge is. She said she doesn't know either. Howard kept saying her name as ''Haven'' but she corrected him saying it was Hayden. Howard told her to have a nice summer. She said she's going to be in first grade next year. She said that Harrison is going to be in third grade.
Howard said it's like he's stuck babysitting while Wolfie went fishing. Howard said goodbye to her again and got off the phone. Howard said that was dreadful. Fred played the ''Shame!'' clip from Game of Thrones. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin started off with a story that she was going to do but they had put a name on the clip. Robin said that she wanted Howard to guess who it was but the name was on it. Howard tried not to look but he couldn't help but see it was James Taylor's son. Howard said that he'd like to go to James Taylor's concert tonight but Sirius won't let him take tomorrow off. Howard said he knows he'd be a bummer if he went. Howard said Gary opted out too. Robin said she would have gone too but they're all working tomorrow morning. Howard said James did do like 15 songs in there when he was in. He said that's the one good thing.
Robin said that one of the NY escapees is a painter. Robin said that they're saying that one of the guys is a painter. Robin said that they're saying that the woman who helped them escape may have had sex with both of the prisoners. Robin said she thinks that she looks a lot like Jackie Martling. Fred said he thought she looked like Jeff the Drunk with a blonde wig. Robin said that they say she had dirty prison sex with both of the guys. Howard said she believed that they were all going to go off together. He said that they would have killed her. Howard said this is a good argument for the death penalty. Howard said they're fucking and painting and that's basically his life. Howard said the guy's paintings weren't that bad. He said he has talent. He said he could have done something in art instead of killing someone. That led to Howard comparing the stud from the prison to Vinnie Favale and playing his love tapes to Debbie. Howard played some of that for Robin.
Robin read a story about the woman, Rachel Dolezal, who stepped down from the NAACP after being called out for faking being a black woman. Robin said that she sued Howard University for racial discrimination for being white. Robin had some audio of some students talking about how they aren't happy about that. Robin read about how she stepped down from that NAACP position she held. Robin said she was on the Today show today as well. Robin said that there are other stories about her possibly telling lies about things she's done in her life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Judd Apatow said something that was real reckless. He said that he said he was so close to somebody that he knows the allegations are true. He asked what he knows that's true. Howard said he believes the 35 women that came forward. the caller said he hopes Bill sues Judd. Howard said that would be great. The caller said there are holes in every one of those ladies stories. Howard said those stories are checking out from what he's read. Howard asked what holes he knows. The caller said one of the women was supposedly a super model and she wasn't on the Tonight Show like she claimed she was. Howard let the guy go and played a bit they made with fake Bill Cosby and a young Judd Apatow interviewing him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump's upcoming announcement about if he's running for president. Howard said he doesn't think he will. Robin said he will be announcing soon. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin read a story about Jeb Bush making his run official yesterday. Robin had some audio of his announcement.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about legal pot on the job. Howard said it should not be used on the job. Robin said that not being used but using it for a medical problem. Howard said we all know that most people aren't using it for real problems. Robin said this guy gets fired because he failed a drug test even though he's using pot for medical reasons. Howard said this guy should not be fired. He's using it to stop seizures. Robin said the supreme court in Colorado found that they were right to fire him. Robin said they also found that pot use does not lead to increased drug use by teens. Robin said that's what they found in a 24 year study.
Howard said they went to try to find Siobahn to talk to her about Caitlyn Jenner but they're unable to find her. Howard said they don't know where she's at. He said she may be squatting in some apartment somewhere.
Robin read a story about a woman who had her eggs harvested and then the woman dies. Robin asked if you can use those eggs to create your own grandchild. Howard did an impression of himself as a kid answering in the wrong way. Howard thought about it for a minute and said no. Robin said he's siding with the board that handles these things in the UK. Robin said there is no clear indication that the woman wanted this so they will not be used to create children. Robin said that you have to make it clear if that's what you want. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story Jurassic World breaking all kinds of records. Robin said the paleontologists who worked on the movie think that something like this could happen. Robin said that they think it's within reach.
Robin read a story about the Pope and how he said that he thinks children need heterosexual parents. Howard said you need loving parents. He said they come in all forms. Howard said anyone with a good parent is lucky. He said a lot of parents are fucked up. He said that's ridiculous. Robin said many heterosexual parents are horrible.
Robin read a story about Al Queda confirming their second in command was killed by US drone strikes.
Robin read a story about how they say that corporations are like people. Robin said GM has an issue with their ignition switches and they have killed 107 people. Robin said that no one is being charged with murder or going to jail. Robin said if corporations are individuals then someone has to go to jail over this. Robin said the law says we have to treat them like individuals.
Robin read a story about how some people want CNN's anchor fired over some comments she made about a shooting suspect. Robin said they say that Fredricka Whitfield called the shooter brave and courageous and now they want her fired. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about E3 kicking off today. Robin said that's a video game expo. Robin said that many of the big game producers have unveiled their products. Robin said Microsoft and Sony are a couple that revealed their stuff. Robin said that they held massive press conferences. Robin read about what Microsoft and Sony revealed.
Robin said that Forrest Whittaker may be entering the next Star Wars movie franchise. Robin said that Rogue 1 will be the next move that is supposed to be out in 2016.
Robin read about how getting a good night's sleep is very important. Robin said you need at least 6 hours. Howard said that he needs his sleep. He said America's Got Talent kept him up late and made him sick.
Robin said there's a new term called dabbing. Howard said that's when you shoot a load and take the tissues to dab your penis off. Robin said it's actually using marijuana in a way that can cause an explosion. Robin said that kids are being warned about using butane and hash oil. Robin said it can cause fires and explosions. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said that he has a lot to say about Game of Thrones. He said that he thought the show was great this season. Jon said he doesn't know what Robin is talking about when she says it wasn't good. He said not every show is going to dot every I and cross every T. Jon said it was a great season finale. He said he didn't care if it was CGI or not. He said there are other things on TV and in magazines that are CGI. He said that he couldn't disagree more with Robin than over Game of Thrones. Rahsaan said that a tittie is a tittie to him so he couldn't care less. He said that he kind of likes that they don't wrap everything up. He said it leaves something for next season.
Jon said it's great writing and a great show. Rahsaan said the length of that march was important. He said she was a bitch of a woman and she deserved it. Jon said that Howard loved the show too. He said he's on Gary and Howard's side with that. They went to break after that.
The caller said that it just screams that he has more money than brains. Jon said there are way more expensive cars you can drive. He said maybe within Ronnie's income it's what he can afford. He said he thinks it's more than that though. He said he thinks Ronnie loves that car and he's not the master of subtlety. Jon said when Ronnie comes out look out. He said he is really fun to hang out with. He said he's a good guy. Jon said he also thinks that Robin is out to get him. Jon said that there is a relationship there that's worth exploring.
The caller said he just wanted to throw more fuel on that fire. Jon asked the caller if he thinks having the car is cool or not cool. The caller said it's not cool. He said it's a reproduction and not the real car. Jon asked Rahsaan what he thinks. Rahsaan said he thinks the guy is going out of his way to hate Ronnie. He said that Ronnie liked it and he bought it because he likes it. He said Ronnie just drives it when the weather is nice. He said it's like anyone else buying a classic and driving it when the weather is nice. Rahsaan said he would like a 64 Impala. Jon said he'd like a Corvette Stingray.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's funny that Ronnie valued that car for $36,000. He said you can find them for like $10,000. He said there are plenty of other collector cars that he could buy that wont draw that attention. Jon asked the caller what he thinks about that kind of person when he sees them. The caller said he thinks they're screaming for attention. He said he used to drive a pace car and it does draw attention. He said that most people wouldn't drive something like that.
Jon said he didn't know that the pace car was for Indy Car and it wasn't NASCAR. Jon didn't know the difference. Brent Hatley was in the studio and explained the differences to Jon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that no one has ever seen anyone drive a NASCAR pace car to an event. He said that it's not really something that goes on. He said he loves Ronnie to death and loves that he loves the cars. He said that no one really does that though. He said no one brings the actual true pace cars to the races either. He said it's hilarious.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to defend Ronnie. He said the car is great and Ronnie enjoys it so that's great. He said he just wanted to give him a thumbs up for that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how long he's had the car. Jon said it's been a while. Jon said it's maybe 10 years. The caller said it seems like he's going through a mid-life crisis. He said he should be getting a pace maker and not a pace car. Jon said Ronnie loves his cars. He said he thinks it's a badge of honor or pride. Rahsaan said that it's something that he enjoys and people are taking it the wrong way. He said it's funny that the NASCAR guys are going after him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they really don't do a NASCAR pace car. He said the Indy pace cars have been around since the 60s. He said that they generally don't sell the actual pace cars. He said the one that Ronnie has is just ugly. He said they are cool if you like a car with writing on them. Jon asked if he basically has the floor model of the car. The caller said that they don't usually sell the actual pace cars. He said they have a different motor in them. He said it runs through the whole race and they don't sell that one. Jon said maybe Ronnie made a good investment then. They went to break after that.
Jon said Robin shouldn't be allowed to watch the show at this point. Gary said Jon has rules and he's been a victim of this. He said Jon thinks that if you can't name every player on a team then you shouldn't be allowed t play Fantasy Football. Jon said it's not every name but the important ones.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had the biggest smile on his face when Wolfie's kids were on the phone. He said that he couldn't stop smiling. Jon said Howard can take something like that and make it great. He said Howard asked who their favorite judge is and they wont say that it's Howard. Gary said Wolfie got his son on saying that he's a huge fan of Howard's. Jon said the sister got on and it was the same thing. Jon said Howard wanted to hear he was the best. He said it has to be frustrating. Gary said that he would never goof on anyone's kids but he has a kid named Harry Wolf. He said his name is Harrison Wolf. Gary said that all of the kids have to get that. Jon said they have to talk to Wolfie about that.
Jon said that Judd Apatow was in today and Howard spent a lot of time talking to him. Jon said that he told that Ben Stiller Rolling Stone story. Gary said he's a great story teller. He said that story was great but they've never heard Ben's side of it. He said that he's been on so many times and he's never told that story.
Jon said Judd has a very similar resume to Nile Rodgers. He said he has an eye for talent and he makes them shine. Gary said he works with guys over and over too. He said he works with Seth Rogen on a bunch of things.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Judd's wife is very hot. Gary said Leslie Mann is very attractive.
Jon said another thing Judd talked about was Steve Martin. He said that he gets tongue tied with certain people and Steve Martin is one of them. Jon said that Gary might get that way with people. Gary said that it's hard when you know a person. He said he saw Jason Alexander and he made things so easy. He said Bryan Cranston did too. He said that sometimes you meet someone and it's not that easy. Gary said you might get a response like JD with just a mumble. Jon said that it can be that way sometimes. Jon said that some people don't want to give you the time. He said JD doesn't want to give you the time but it's more of a defense mechanism for some.
Gary said if you see Steve Martin out and you ask for an autograph he will give you a card saying that you have a close encounter with him and he was a nice guy. He said that's such a cool thing to get. He said he never did get one but he used to see him often. Gary said that might be cooler than a real autograph.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said 54 percent agreed with Howard and Gary. Jon said that's surprising to him. He didn't think that it was going to be so close. Gary said that's a landslide in presidential elections. Jon wrapped up after getting in a plug for today's Sternthology. They were done around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about Rob Zombie and how cool he is. Howard said that would have been a good radio name. Howard said maybe he wouldn't have gotten that job at WNBC if he had that name.
Howard said they have two guests coming in today. Glenn Beck and Jim Gaffigan are both coming in. Howard said that Glenn has a very interesting life. He said he has to get to some phone calls too.
Howard said America's Got Talent was good last night. He said they were out in the dessert for a few days in L.A. He said he had to drive like an hour and a half to get there. Robin asked if they had to commute every day. Howard said they did. Ronnie said they were in Pomona. Howard said it was boiling hot during the day and freezing at night. He said he thought about how insane it was but it was worth it after he watched the show last night. He said the NBA finals were on against them last night. Robin said a lot of people were talking about that. Robin said it's do or die time.
Howard said most of the extreme stuff they showed last night appeals to dudes. Robin said that BASE jumper was amazing. Robin said she can't believe they sent through the guys who drove into the buses. Howard said he was exhausted that night. He said it was funny because they had to hold off because they forgot the keys to the bus. He said they were fucking up left and right. He said they drove that bus into a group of busses at 70 miles per hour. He said he was laughing. He said they're funny. He said they're really funny and very marketable. Howard said he had to put them through.
Robin said the motorcycle guys were amazing. She said the bus guys just sit in the bus. Howard said some people said the dwarf guy looks like he could be Ronnie's brother. Howard said he thought they were right when he saw him last night. Howard said that group sat in the bus while they crashed into more busses.
Howard said he was so woozy that day. He said he loved the Pyro Boy guy too. He said he put him through. Robin said that was funny.
Howard said he was so miserable out there but the producers told him that he really turned it on once they turned the cameras on. Howard said it was a good show last night. Howard said he had flashbacks to Vietnam when they were out there. Robin said that was jungle. Howard said just stick with him. He took a break after that.
Howard came back and said he was busy so he didn't hear what Fred was playing. He listened to the Jeff the Drunk song and said Willie Nelson is so good and Jeff is so bad.
Howard said his guest is Glenn Beck and he is thinner than he thought. Howard said he can't stay long. Howard said he's very busy. Howard said that Glenn is a fellow radio guy. Glenn said it's very impressive there. He said he got a gift bag out in the green room. Howard said it was like nirvana when they got there to Sirius. Howard said Glenn built his own. Glenn said they bought their own studio and he put up his own money for it. Howard said he must have made it nice. Glenn said oh yeah. Howard said his mother would always complain about how dirty the stations used to be. Glenn said that the White House isn't as nice as their green room there at Howard's show.
Howard said he used to watch Glenn's show on FOX News. He said he thought it was a lot of fun. He said that must have made his career. Glenn said it was in a good way and a bad way. He said he was a guy who is a showman. He was doing the same thing at CNN. Howard asked if the people at FOX were mean to him. Glenn said they weren't at all. He said they were very nice. He said it's like a family. Howard said he'd pop up on O'Reilly's show. Glenn said he was on all of the guy's shows. Howard said he was surprised when he was gone all of a sudden. Glenn said he thinks that was a mutual thing. He said he didn't want to do it anymore. He said he had a problem with the hatred. Howard said he figured the people would love him. Glenn said they did love him. He said he was the one who made the family work. He said he doesn't like conflict like Bill O'Reilly does. Glenn said that his kids could not walk with him in New York. Howard said his opinions are polarizing.
Glenn said we have to stop hating each other over how people vote. He said that Jim Gaffigan is coming up and he was on his show a couple of weeks ago. He said that people came out against him just for doing his show. He said that they were both wondering what that was all about. Howard said if you have strong opinions then people are going to get angry. Glenn said he knows that. Howard said there are people who are so for getting gay rights. Glenn said he was never against that. Howard said he thought he was. Glenn said he was for gay marriage long before the president was. Howard said people must misunderstand him a lot. Glenn said he's a Libertarian. He said he's not a GOP guy. He said he's more Tea Party. Howard said Glenn hates the GOP because they dropped the ball on Obamacare. Glenn said they're doing the same thing that the Democratic party is doing but at a slower pace. He said they're growing the government to the point where you can't even grow your own stuff on your own farm.
Howard said his perception was that he was too right wing for FOX. Glenn said he was too libertarian. Howard asked if he left because he said some things about Obama being racist. Glenn said there were a million things. He said it was every day. He said Howard walks in the mine field and when things blow up it's better for him. Glenn said he says stuff and he was off prompter for an hour and of course he's going to make mistakes. Howard said he does 4-5 hours for 3 days a week and of course things are going to be said that are mistakes.
Howard asked where he grew up. Glenn said in Seattle. Howard said it wasn't an easy life. Glenn said he's not complaining. Howard said he knows that. Howard said Glenn is growing up and things are going along. He said his mom killed herself when Glenn was only 13. Howard said that she went for a ride on a boat. Glenn said when he's in an airport with his family and people dig up his dead mother he wonders what that is. Howard said it's a double edged sword. Howard said people are interested in you when you get into show business. Glenn said when Bill Maher was taken off of ABC he was the one asking what the hell was wrong with them. He said that it doesn't make any sense. He said the show was called Politically Incorrect.
Howard said he's asking about his mother because he wants to know how he got over it. Glenn said the intent is to attack him usually. He said if a reporter goes in and starts digging up then it might be that he's lying about his mother's death.
Glenn said his mother was an alcoholic. He said he figured that out just before she died. Glenn said that he realized that she was really sick. He said his parents were divorced and she moved away and got into alcohol. He said she was dating a guy who was an old Navy captain. He was hard drinking and hard living. He said that guy was abusing her. He said that he went to hit her in front of him and he jumped between the two. He said he kicked the guy out. Glenn said he's not a tough guy but he kicked the guy out. He said a week later his mother said that he was never going to do it again but he wanted to talk to him. Glenn said he talked to the guy and he eventually came back into the house. Then a month later his mother died. He said she went out on a Sunday and left a note. He said that she told his aunt that she was going to kill herself. He said that his aunt told her to get help or she has to do what she has to do. Glenn said that the family tried to help his mom but she wasn't willing to get help. He said it's hard.
Glenn said that she left a note saying that everything was going to be fine when she went out on the boat. He said he knew she was dead when she didn't come home. He said they found her. He said that none of them could swim. He said that the Navy guy said that you never jump in the water. He said she was on the boat and her stuff were right by the edge. He said he thinks she jumped in knowing that she couldn't swim. His stuff was all folded too and they both ended up dying.
Glenn said that people will ask about that but it's prying. He said a phrase that changed his life was written by Thomas Jefferson. He explained where it came from. He said that Jefferson took care of this guy Peter when his family died. He told Howard what the quote was. He said that the key in there was ''honest questioning'' and that's not what he gets from reporters at times.
Howard said that Glenn's mother turned him on to radio. Glenn said that he listened to radio and it was all bad radio. He said that his mother bought old albums and that's what he'd listen to. He said he'd listen to The Shadow and things like that. Howard said he had no one in his life who was into radio. Glenn said he found the power of the imagination. He said the only guy who was doing a good job when he was 10 was Paul Harvey. Howard said he was a great broadcaster. Howard said he knew nothing about him when he got into radio and Paul was his news guy. He said he thought he was really good.
Glenn said that Howard had just left DC when he went there at the age of 18. He said he used the term ''pissed off'' and he got a full page memo about that. He said he was asked who the hell he thought he was and he's not Howard Stern. Glenn said he wishes he had a copy of that memo. Howard said he said ''Scumbag'' on NBC and he almost got fired over that. Howard said he loved that. He said people on the street are saying things 10 times worse but that's what they get upset about.
Howard said Glenn got a job at an AM station at 13. Howard said he would have made in his pants if he was doing that at 13. Howard said he had poise at 13. Glenn said it sucked but he did it.
Howard asked if he was the cool guy in high school. Glenn said he's a geek so of course not. Howard asked where his first big radio job was. Glenn said he got a job in Seattle when he was 16. He said the first morning gig was in Phoenix or Baltimore. Howard asked if his father saw all of this going on. Glenn said he was. He said his father didn't have money so when he moved to Connecticut he bought a nice house. He said he brought his dad over and he was just out looking at the house. He said he was crying. He said his dad said he can't believe his son lives there. He said that was a kind of cool thing.
Howard said you never expect to do well in radio. Glenn said of course not. He said you think you're going to be ''the one'' but you never are.
Howard said Glenn went to work on radio after high school. Howard said he had to go to college himself. He said Glenn worked at a station in Utah. Howard said then at 19 he did a morning zoo kind of show. Glenn said he was the program director and everything like that at 19. Howard asked how much he was making. Glenn said he has no idea. He said it was a lot but it was a lot of trade. Howard said it's pretty awesome that he had success at that age. Glenn said it makes you an egomaniac.
Howard said Glenn was a wild man. Glenn said Howard was the wild man. Howard said he lived like a monk in his personal life. Howard said Glenn was the wild man. Glenn said he was the opposite of Howard. He said he was the wild man off the air. Howard said he knew guys who were having sex in the studio and things like that. Howard said he'd just go home and listen to his tapes and try to get better. He said he was afraid. Howard said Glenn was the guy.
Howard said Glenn would do the stunts off the air intimidating other radio stations. Howard asked how he did that. Glenn said he was accused of calling a competitor's wife after a miscarriage but he didn't do that. Howard said he remembers going to Cleveland and they cut the wires to his remote broadcast. Glenn said he went to a concert put on by a competitor and they slipped money to the sound man. He said they knew when they announced the act that he didn't know what was going on. He said he took he went on stage and introduced a band with his microphone instead of theirs. He said he was a hero at his radio station.
Howard said the morning zoo was working well. He said he bounced around to a few stations. Glenn said he was an alcoholic but he didn't think he was one. He said he was doing coke too. Howard said he was really partying hard. Howard said he was an attractive guy but he didn't get a lot of chicks. Glenn said he just couldn't make that happen. Howard said he was married the whole time he was coming up like that so he never had chicks either.
Glenn said he got married at 18. Howard said that radio is very lonely and he had a mom complex kind of thing. He said he really wanted someone to love him. He said people get into radio and the microphone never rejects you.
Howard asked Glenn about what kind of microphone he likes to use. Glenn said he has changed the way things work now that he's on TV but he likes Normans. Howard asked if he likes radio. Glenn said it's the most powerful medium. He said radio is just you and the listener. He said everything else is mass. Howard said he can get on the air and think of something at night and do it in the morning. He said in film it takes two years to make it happen. He said a lot of people think they can do it and it's not that easy. He said they're just bad.
Howard said it's amazing when you work at radio stations a lot of the guys are just deep voices. Howard said there are a lot of bores in radio. Glenn said radio is the ugly stepchild in entertainment. Howard said guys like Glenn are making good livings in it. Glenn said that Howard is a genius. He said he was so far ahead of everyone else. Howard said he wished Fred would say that. Howard said he thought it could be a great medium. Glenn said his attitude shows in the green room. He said that's the way things should be done.
Howard said when Glenn was on FOX News he must have missed radio. Glenn said he was doing both and it almost killed him. Howard asked how his health is now. Glenn said he had a weird series of things that happened. He said he has macular dystrophy that has stopped. He said that it could come back at any time. He said he has a hard time without glasses. He said there's a part of his eye that doesn't work now. Howard asked if he panics when he thinks about the eye thing. Glenn said he doesn't. He said he's just like ''whatever.''
Howard said when Glenn was at KC 101. Glenn said he was just turning 30 and he was having blackouts from the partying. He said that he was still married too. Howard asked if the wife was caught up in the partying. Glenn said she was. Howard asked if she was threatened by him for wanting to change his life. Glenn said that's a very insightful question. Howard said that happens to some people. Glenn said that he thinks that was it. He said they were at a traffic light and they had this life that was set up and it was kind of unfair of him to change it. He said that she told him that he was in her space and things were changing. He said he was the one who changed it. He said he sobered up and was going to get out of radio. He said his father told him he knew what he wanted to do for so long and he had to change things. Glenn said that he wanted to put more of himself into the show but that doesn't work with top 40 radio.
Howard said Glenn was on the air and his daughter was born with some complications and he had included the audience in that. Howard said he wished he had never brought it up on the air. Glenn said that he doesn't recall that. Howard asked if he blocked that out. Glenn said he doesn't know. Howard said maybe he was wasted.
Howard asked if Bob Grant was an influence in his life. Glenn said he wasn't really. He said he didn't get into that until the end. He said they were joking about him toward the end. Howard said he thought he was the best broadcaster he'd ever heard in his life. Howard said Bob Grant was the original. Howard said he could listen to that guy all day. He said he didn't care about his politics. He said he had an angry attitude and he liked it.
Howard said he thought Bob Grant and Rush Limbaugh were influences on Glenn. Glenn said he didn't like political talk. He said he got into it to have some fun and not be that stodgy conservative.
Howard said a lot happened in his life that he glossed over. Howard said he was in AA. Glenn said he doesn't still go but he replaced that with his church. Howard asked if he's tempted to go back to it. Glenn said no. Howard said Glenn met his next wife at a radio station he was working at. Glenn said that she came up to him saying that she was a fan. He said she left and he was struggling with his alcoholism. Glenn said that this woman was very nice to him and that made an impression on him. He said he was on his way to a bar and he ordered a Jack and Coke. He said he was going to drink it and there she was across the bar. He said he walked over to her and asked if she wanted to get a cup of coffee. He said they haven't been apart since then. Howard asked if they had sex that night. Glenn said he had to put in a lot of time with her. He said she's a good girl. Glenn said that he asked her to marry him and she said that they don't share the same faith. Glenn said they were both catholic though. Glenn said he was taking one class at Yale and it was early Christology. He said that isn't the place to find god.
Howard said Glenn picked Mormonism and both he and his wife threw themselves into that. That became their bond. Glenn said that's their faith. He said that it's faith in general and if they didn't have that then they probably wouldn't have made it.
Howard asked if he almost became a Muslim at some point. Glenn said no. He said he did go to a synagogue though. Howard said just imagine him as a Hassidic. Glenn said that they did go on a church tour and they saw a lot of religions. He said they wondered what they could live with.
Howard asked if they went around asking the ministers and people like that. Glenn said they did. He said in Mormonism there is no hell. He said he doesn't understand a god that puts him in an eternal lake of fire for being a good person but not accepting his son.
Howard asked Glenn about working at FOX News and the hot women they had working there. Howard said it's wild over there. Glenn said it always comes down to that. Howard said it's almost crazy over there.
Howard asked Glenn if he watches FOX News at all. Glenn said he doesn't watch a lot of TV. He said he watches Netflix. Howard said Glenn had gotten into survivalism for a while. Glenn said no one is talking about how we're printing money that we said we'd never do. He said the banks are stockpiling money for a run on the bank. He said that people survived the depression because people canned. He said no one does that now. Howard said that he'd end up with botulism if he did that. Glenn said that if we go through another depression we're going to be in real trouble. He said we have got to start coming together. Howard asked if he is saying that you need a gun and supplies. Glenn said you need a gun. Robin asked if he's going to shoot people if they come to take his food. Howard said he's going to bring his gun over the Glenn's place and steal his food after shooting him.
Howard said Glenn was making good money and going out on tour with Sarah Palin. Glenn said he never did that with Sarah Palin. Glenn said he never went on tour with her. Robin said he had his own tour though. Glenn said he did.
Howard asked Glenn about making good money at FOX. Glenn said that he was. He said he got hammered for talking about the Jews and what's coming with them. He said it's really bad. He said that he believed in these things and he didn't do it for money. He said he woke a lot of people up but he also divided us. Howard said he got to know him through FOX News. Howard said that exposure must be tremendous. Glenn said it is. Howard said he did his own web shows and radio and he's making a great living now. Glenn said he is. Howard asked if he is happier than ever now. Glenn said that everyone answers to someone. He said he's not sure if he's happier than ever. He said he is happy. He said he still thinks we're still in trouble. He said that we should be looking for strange bedfellows and we have to care about other people. He said the religious have to care about the homosexual who is being stoned to death and hung on a crane. Glenn said he met with the people at GLAAD and said that they can disagree on a lot of things but you have to leave someone alone if you have a religious belief. He said that what's going on in the middle east is really bad. He said that they agree on life. He said half of the people said that's great but the other half had issues. He said that he holds out hope that they can come together on other issues.
Howard asked where he stands on the presidential run. Glenn said Ted Cruz or Rand Paul are his picks. Glenn said that people thought he had a problem with gay people but that's because of how people are sound byte believers. Robin said he says that he's a Tea Party kind of guy but they're the ones who are locking up Congress. Glenn said that's a good thing. He said they take more money and spy on us even more. Howard said he's not that concerned about that. He said he's more worried about terrorism. Glenn said we're losing the Bill or Rights. He said there's a police warehouse in Chicago where they take intercity kids and gang members without charges. He said it's Gitmo style water torture kind of stuff. He said that's not who we are. He said we're either for the constitution or we're not.
Howard asked what he thinks about Trump. Glenn said he's not sure he's serious about running. Howard said he isn't either. Glenn said he thinks it's all for credibility. He said it's a laughable candidacy.
Howard asked Glenn if he's happy now and if he will stay in that arena or come back into the mainstream media. Glenn said he'll come back to anything that lets him get his message out. Glenn said they have to get people to stand up for other people. Howard asked what he would do if he were commander in chief. Glenn said he hasn't war gamed this out so he has no idea what we should be doing. Howard said he doesn't think anyone does. Glenn said he doesn't either. Howard said we get overly involved in the world. Glenn said that we're involved in interests instead of principles. He said our principles don't allow us to spy on ourselves. He said that a warrant is fine but now they're doing it without warrants.
Howard said Glenn is writing a book about Islam. Howard said that he thinks we're in the quagmire of all quagmires. Howard said that we removed the head of Iraq and now his soldiers are ISIS. Howard said even if we clean out that rat's nest there will be another one. Glenn said he has no idea what to do there. He said we have to clear our hearts here in the United States. Howard asked what action we take. He asked if we stand by and watch them kill children. Glenn said no. He said he's not sure how to fix it. He said we can't accept genocide in our day. He said these people are really evil.
Howard asked Glenn if Caitlyn Jenner is brave. Glenn said that he feels awful that he's felt this way his whole life. He said it doesn't affect him at all. He said that he wouldn't call Caitlyn ''brave'' though. He said that they've redefined ''brave.''
Howard said a soldier going to war is brave. He said people who stand up for their principles are brave. Glenn told a story about a guy who was threatened to change religions and when he didn't ISIS killed his kids. Howard said that Caitlyn still has a cock and he's a 6'2'' tall man or woman with the hands of an athlete. Howard said he's going to be ridiculed. Howard said maybe it is brave to come out like that.
Howard asked Glenn about this woman who claimed to be black but she's white. Glenn said she's white. He said this is where we've gotten to in America. He said on Thursday you're either white or black. Friday it's a mystery. Saturday you start to question it. He said that's what's going on in this country.
Howard said Glenn is against Mother's day because Woodrow Wilson started it. Glenn said he hates Wilson. Howard asked who would make a worse President, Hillary or Jeb. Glenn said that would be the lowest voter turn out. He said he wouldn't vote if they were the only two. Howard asked about the Supreme Court. He said Hillary believes in a woman's right to choose. Glenn said he doesn't support that. He said he believes that's murder. Howard said we have too many people on this planet. Glenn told him to stop it. He said his son is an adopted child from a teen mother. Howard said he admires that. He said that people who adopt are good people. Howard said that these kids who don't get adopted are marauders. Glenn said so many people try to adopt and they have to go to other countries to do it. Robin said if she is pregnant and she really doesn't want to do this.... Glenn said she shouldn't have done it to begin with. Robin said they can't go back, it's already happening.
Howard said that he's trying to figure out who Glenn could vote for. He said it might have to be Jeb. Glenn said he can't do that. He said he's so corrupt. Howard said we have to find a politician who isn't corrupt. Glenn said that's very hard.
Howard said it has been a pleasure talking to Glenn. He said that you can find out more about what he's doing on GlennBeck.com
Glenn said they're doing a thing in Birmingham, Alabama to bring people together. Howard said he's all for that but he's not going to Birmingham.
Howard asked if Glenn enjoys working. Glenn said he doesn't want to believe the things he does. He said he hopes he's wrong. He said that he feels a responsibility to get the word out. Howard said he doesn't. Howard said that's cool though. Howard asked what he would do if he retired. Glenn said he'd paint. Howard said he's a painter. He said he does water colors. Howard said he'd do that day and night if he could. Glenn said he paints in oil and he loves it. He said he paints mostly landscapes. Howard wrapped up with Glenn and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that time really flies. Robin said she thought it was longer than that. Howard played a Baba Booey alarm sound and a song parody for Gary to sleep to.
Howard said there are so many Baba Booey songs. He said they have Jim Gaffigan coming in though so they don't have a lot of time.
Howard said Dateline has a piece about how they claim Robin Quivers is white. He played the bit they put together about that where they had clips of Robin sounding white.
Howard said Eli Braden sent in a song parody about Robin. He played that one for her. Howard said he heard that Robin was singing in a song about Scott the Engineer. Robin said it's about his smoking. Howard said she's very much on key in this song. Howard said she's on key for Robin. Howard said she sings ''Brown Finger'' about Scott now that he's smoking again. Howard said it was to the tune of Goldfinger. Howard said that his finger is brown. Howard said listen to Robin sing. Howard said that's a victory for Robin. He said it's so triumphant.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said that was a great interview with Beck. He said that he's an uber conservative himself. He said that Howard is the greatest other than David Suskind. He said Howard made him what he is. Howard said please don't say that. He said he takes no blame for that. Melrose said Howard was great on America's Got Talent last night. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Bobo was up next. Bobo said that he loved last night's America's Got Talent. He said that the guy doing the BASE jump was amazing. Howard said he was. Bobo said they should give him the million now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves Glenn Beck when he's doing the funny stuff. He said it seems like sometimes he goes where the money is though. He was going on about the people who lie to us and how we have to realize they're making it bad for us. Howard said everyone is so paranoid. The caller said he really isn't. Howard had to let that guy go too. Howard said everyone has so many thoughts.
Howard said High Pitch made a phony phone call. He said that they called Eric actually. Robin said she saw him up there yesterday. Howard asked what the premise was with this one. Sal came in and said they were making a movie about Jerry Sandusky and they were auditioning Eric. He said they can't use real kids so they used Eric since he sounds like a kid. Howard played the call and they had a guy call Eric asking him if he was familiar with Jerry Sandusky. Eric knew who he was. The ''director'' asked Eric to go through some lines with him. Eric recited some lines and then did some improvisation for the guy. Eric was making stuff up in the shower with Jerry Sandusky. The director said they might have to have him get dressed in an outfit and get naked maybe. Eric said he has to think about that. Eric said no to getting naked. He said no to getting a finger up his ass too. The director said maybe he can just blow him. Eric said he's not going to do anything gay. Howard said High Pitch gave the director a hard time.
Howard asked what's going on with Maple. Beth said she wanted to know if Robin wanted to meet her. Howard said he took care of her for a week. He said she is the greatest cat. Howard said she is the sweetest cat he's ever met. Beth said she is the best. She said that she forgot to mention that the live shows are starting for America's Got Talent and they have an auction going where 4 people can join her at a show. She said the auction is up on ebay now. Beth said there's also a studio tour auction up to benefit Bianca's Furry Friends.
Beth told Howard that James Taylor really sounded good last night. Howard said he forgot to ask about that this morning. Beth said she missed Howard. Howard said someone has to pay the bills. Beth said she's going to call Robin later.
Howard said that he was so miserable last night. Robin said she tried not to think about it. She watched America's Got Talent instead. Howard said he did too. Howard said it would have been so great to see James Taylor. Fred played one of the songs he performed there on the show a few weeks ago. Howard said Jim Gaffigan is there so he has to take a break. Howard said Jim was on Letterman a lot. Howard asked Gary how many times he was on. Gary didn't have an answer. Howard asked Gary if he's heard from Richard Simmons yet. Gary said no. He said he tried emailing him. Gary said they say that he's locked up in his house and dying. Howard said they have a lot of celebrities who they say are dying but then you see them on a show and they're fine. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with Richard. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jim Gaffigan is there. He said he's a big guy. He saw him and said he's not that big. He said he looks bigger on TV. Jim said some people think he's smaller. Howard said Glenn Beck was in there saying he was just on his show. Jim said that Glenn did his show too. He said that what's so amazing is the outrage on Twitter that he went on his show. Howard asked why they get pissed. Jim said that the country is so divided. He said he's pretty liberal but they say he's working with the enemy. He said that they're the same people who said if you go to the Soviet Union that you're a communist. Howard said he has friends who have different views and that doesn't mean he agrees with them. Jim said that people really get outraged.
Jim said he likes having friends who have different views. He said that's how he learns. Howard said his parents had friends who would argue politics. Howard said none of his friends do that. He said that they ask when he last got pussy. Jim said he's not sure you'd want to be friends with Saddam Hussein but you might say that he's nice to you. He said Hitler might have thrown a nice dinner party.
Howard said he heard that Glenn introduced him as Jon. Jim said that's true. He said that people will ask for a photo and say they're big fans but then they'll ask what his name is. Howard said he gets that too. Jim said it's weird. He said he has like 100 kids so he's with them all the time. He uses them as an excuse.
Howard asked if he has 5 kids because his wife is so religious. Jim said she loves kids. He said that this was a choice. Howard asked if he's sure about that. Jim said there are plenty of catholic's who have two kids. Howard said that she has to take the pill or something at some point. Jim said he doesn't think he's going to end up with 19 kids. He said he's 48 now. Howard asked if he pulls out. Jim said here are only a couple days a month that a woman can get pregnant. Howard said he's going to end up with 7, 8 or 9 kids. Jim said if they have another kid there is no more sleep to be taken away.
Howard said he was watching an episode of his TV show and it was all about Jim trying to get some sleep. He said he assumes he has a lot of help. Jim said of course. He said they live in Manhattan so there is no back yard. He said that they used to live in a 2 bedroom until about a year ago. Howard said they say kids need their own space. Jim said that's ridiculous. He said there was a room upstairs that had like 30 people living in it.
Jim said his kids are young. He said it would be great to have a yard but he wants to be in New York and raise the kids there. Howard asked if he's nervous about them taking a bus somewhere. Jim said they range in age from 11 to 2. Howard said he's paranoid. Jim said he had that attitude but not anymore. Howard said he was raised in Indiana so you'd think he'd like that open area. Jim said he doesn't even like going outside.
Howard said all of Jim's kids were born at home. Jim said they had a midwife help with that. Howard asked if he was fine seeing all of that. Jim said it was fine. He said it's not 1930 and they know what a vagina looks like. Howard asked how many bedrooms they have now. Jim said they have like 4. He said they have bunk beds in three rooms.
Howard said he thinks they should stop at 5 kids. Robin asked if it would be a happy event if he went home and his wife said she was pregnant. Jim said it's inevitable. Jim said the kids make her happy and they make him happy in between the screams.
Howard asked Jim about how he writes his comedy with the wife and kids around. Jim said he writes with his wife. He said they wrote the TV show stuff together. Howard asked about how they met. Jim said they met in a deli. He said he went up to her and said something like ''Hey, do I know you?'' She said they had met in the neighborhood. He said that he said that they're probably going to get married. He said he may have said that they were going to end up having 6 kids. Jim said he never thought they were going to have 5.
Jim said it is hard writing when school is out. He said the kids get out of school and sit around like they just got home from fighting ISIS. Jim said he and his wife bounce around ideas for the shows and they have a babysitter who helps take care of them when they go out on the road. Howard asked if he treats writing like a real job. Jim said he tries but it doesn't work like that. He said they've been doing it so long it's a little bit blurry.
Howard said Jim said to himself that he wasn't going to use foul language in his act. Howard asked if that's a hard crutch to break. Jim said his whole thing is that what he talks about it's not necessary to curse. He said that's not his personality anyway. He said he curses in his life but he really didn't do it in his act anyway. He said he loves filthy comedians. He said he loves Dave Attell. He said he's learned a lot from him.
Howard asked how many times he did Letterman. Jim said Gary asked him that and he's really not sure. Howard asked if they got along because they're both from Indiana. Jim said he's not sure. He said he's very laid back and he liked Bill Murray because of that. Jim said that David got out of Indiana and that was a big deal to him. He said John Mellencamp got out too. He said they were inspirational.
Howard said that after Jim was on Letterman they asked him to be in a sitcom. Jim said it was after his first appearance. He said that they offered him that after the Everybody Loves Raymond thing was happening. He said it was Rob Burnett who actually talked to him. Jim said that he feels like he doesn't want to bother Letterman but he has spoken to him on the phone a couple of times. He said sometimes people say they want to have dinner but the figures they're just being nice. Howard said he thinks the same way.
Howard asked Jim how he was feeling after the Letterman job offer. Jim said that he was probably one of the last of his group who got to do that. He said he came up with people like Bonnie McFarlane, Dave Attell and people like that. Howard said Jim did some commercials so he must have done well with that. Jim said they were fun. He said you can do really well with commercials now.
Howard asked if he was horrible the first time he got on stage. Jim said that he was told he was really bad but he thought he was okay. He said he was probably really bad. Howard said Jim has a bit about telling poor people what appetizers are and how they bring food home to feed to the dog.
Howard said Jim learned to be a stand up by being an account manager. Howard brought up his first gig which was at a business thing. Jim said he took an improv class and someone dared him to do stand up. He said that he did it in a really silly way and he had to unlearn some of what he did.
Howard said Jim did the Letterman production and the show didn't do anything. Jim said it was a great opportunity. He said he played the character and he wasn't allowed to write his own lines. He said that he played a weatherman. Howard said Letterman was a weatherman so that must be where that came from.
Jim said that now he has all of the control of his show now. Howard said that show is The Jim Gaffigan Show and it's premiering on July 15th on TV Land. You can find out more at JimGaffigan.com
Howard said he's going to play some of his bits. Howard played one about bowling that he liked. He said it's like playing a song from a singer. Howard said that he must have to do that bit a bunch of times to perfect it. Jim said that you do get the topic and keep adding on to it.
Howard asked if he ever goes on stage and only has the premise. Jim said that he does. He said he hasn't always been that loose but he can do that. Howard said if you have nothing then the audience just stares. Jim said that you can turn that awkwardness into something.
Howard asked if it gets boring doing the same jokes over and over. Jim said that sometimes it's never done so you can change the order of it to make it different. He said that he has an inside voice that can comment on it. He said it's fun to go on stage and see what you're going to say.
Howard asked if he records his act so he can go back and listen to where the laughs were. Jim said sure he does. He said he can find new angles on topics. He said that he hasn't done that bowling material in 4 years. He said some comedians say they will never do the joke again ever but he doesn't say that.
Howard asked if he enjoys ding it. Jim said that it's like being an addict. He said that it's so fulfilling and he can't give it up. He said he works for an hour or an hour and a half a night instead of working for 4 hours.
Howard asked if there is a fun thing that he can walk in and tell other guys to watch how it's done. Jim said not for him. He said he's easy to follow. He said he talks about mini muffins and things. He said he's an observational guy. Howard said Kinison would walk in and blow the place up. He said you can't follow that guy. Jim said Bill Burr destroys the room. He said that's what it's like. He said you can't follow Bill Burr. Howard said he doesn't think people can follow Jim. He said he's very funny. He said it's funny how he sees himself. Jim said that's flattering.
Howard said Jim does a bit about guys who go to Disney without kids. He said they're fucked up. Jim said there is nothing normal about that. Howard asked if Jim is a damaged human being. Jim said not really. He said he's kind of an outsider. He said he's very pale and he's like the whites guy in the white neighborhood.
Robin asked why it's weird for an adult man to go to Disney alone. Jim had many reasons. He said it's weird. It's like a guy who collects Barbie Dolls. He said there is no reason for it.
Howard played another bit that Jim does about bottled water. Howard said that's another one he likes.
Howard said Jim started out doing impressions. He said he doesn't think they're hacky but other comedians do. Jim said there's this thing that comedians don't get along. He said that most comedians are happy for other comedians. He said that we're all kind of strange misfits. He said even if they're different they kind of look at it like they were in Vietnam too. Howard asked if he wanted to be on Saturday Night Live. Jim said he did when he was a kid. He said now it's like it's a health and fitness beautiful experience kind of thing. He said he thinks that comedians are very spoiled.
Howard asked Jim about a bit he does about staying in hotels and using the bath robe and towels that other people have used.
Howard said that Jim talks about Arnold Schwarzenegger and he talks about how he can't even say the name of the state he was governor of. Howard said he also hates pools and how gross they are when you think about it. Jim said there's something weird about sharing a bath with a stranger. Howard said he finds it disgusting. Jim said we're swimming in a petri dish.
Howard asked if Jim has OCD or anything. Jim said he thinks he's paranoid. Howard asked about what his family thought when he was starting out in comedy. Jim said they weren't sure how things were going to work out.
Howard asked Jim about his material about McDonald's. Jim explained that to Howard. He said that we've demonized fast food and it's like the great cancer on our society. He said it's really just a guilty pleasure. Howard said in moderation we can accept it. Jim said it's not the end of the world to bring your kids there. He said it's not the end of the world to go on Glenn Beck's radio show either.
Howard played another bit that Jim did about ice cream. Howard said he likes that he doesn't like chopsticks too. Jim said there has got to be some towns where half the people use forks and the other half uses sticks. He said Japan is kicking ass with toilets but then they're eating with sticks. He said then they have vending machines with used underwear in them.
Howard went through some movie and TV roles that Jim has had. He's had a lot of walk ons. Jim said that he played a pedophile clown in one show. He said he wore a fat suit in that show and now he's probably fatter than that.
Howard said that Jim was in Ellen's TV sitcom. Howard said people really could not deal with that show. Jim said there was some backlash about that show.
Howard asked if Chris Rock is the greatest stand up to ever live. Jim said he might be. Robin asked who else is on the list. Jim said he thinks Chris Rock is underrated. He said he might have been the last comedian to get everyone. He said he had every demographic. Howard said Eddie Murphy is one of his favorites. Jim said he thinks Eddie is one of the better actors in this country. Howard said you're at the mercy of finding good material when you're a good actor. He said the good stuff is hard to get. Jim said he's known as a comedian too. He said he gets paid like $20 million to play Daddy Day Care.
Jim said that Dave Attell is one of the best comedians for crafting a joke. He said he was looking up at Attell and Louis C.K.. He said Bill Burr is pretty amazing too. Howard said it's amazing when guys like that don't get to the next level. He said he loves Dave Attell but you'd think he would have had more fame. He said he hasn't really broken through. Jim said he thinks that Bill Burr could be transformative with his blue collar material. He said he doesn't really offend with it. He said that Bill Maher and Jon Stewart are very funny too. He said that Lewis Black should be yelling and cursing. He said that he wouldn't want a Chris Rock not cursing. He said that you do what you do normally and you get criticized for it.
Howard said when someone like Dice clay breaks through does he look down on that. Jim said he doesn't care if someone curses. He said that he just wants people to laugh. He said it's the craft. He said Jim Norton is a great comedian but he's doing something different than what he's doing.
Howard asked why he's on TV Land. Jim said he picked it because no one else is going there. Howard said there's some truth to that. Howard said it must be easier to do some things. Jim said he and his wife had a script at NBC and they did two rounds at CBS and it never aired. He said they did two pilots that never aired. He said CBS passed and the show was sold to TV Land to air there and on Comedy Central. He said the idea was that they were going to be on a big network but he loves that they're on TV Land. He said the decisions all fell to him and his wife. Jim said there's no going to NBC or CBS. He said he can't deal with ''notes'' from the network. Howard gave Jim some plugs and wrapped up. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After that he said it's time for news. They played her in with a song parody. Fred said that's from a gentleman named Kim. He said that's all the information he had about that.
Robin started her news with a story about Neil Young being upset about Donald Trump using his ''Rockin' in the Free World'' song in his campaign announcement. Howard said that he had a feeling Neil was going to be upset about that. Robin said she was the only one who thought he was going to enter the race. Howard said he thinks Trump is going to get out before he has to do The Apprentice. Howard said he's not going to give that up. Robin had some audio of Trump making his announcement yesterday. She had a bunch of clips of Trump talking about how he's going to run this thing and saying he's not taking donors. Trump said ''I'm really rich...'' Howard said it seems like everyone is running for president other than Fred and Benjy. Robin had more clips for Howard to play. Howard said that just having Melania as first lady would be great. He said he knows that this isn't going to last though. He said he'll do a debate or two and then he'll get out. Robin had some clips of other people commenting on what they think Trump is going to do with this campaign. Howard said it'll be fun for everyone.
Robin brought up Rick Perry and Howard mentioned he thinks he's a good looking guy. Robin said he's wrong about that. Howard said he just saw himself on America's Got Talent last night and he doesn't like the way he looks. Robin said she thought he looked good. Howard said she's so wrong. Howard said Trump sure knows how to run a country club. He said he's not running. Robin said we'll see.
Robin read about Jeb Bush and had some clips for Howard to play. He announced that he's announcing his campaign as well. Howard said he speaks much better than his brother. Robin said his brother was an idiot. Howard said that's what he means. Robin said she's not sure he deserves props for being smarter than his retarded brother.
Howard took a call from a guy who called in earlier about Glenn Beck. He said that he feels like Howard got the wrong idea about him. Howard said he got trapped in a conversation with him earlier. He said he cares less now than he did when he couldn't hear him. The caller kept asking if he can talk about this blind film maker. Howard said Robin will talk to him off the air. He said he'd love to talk to her off the air. Howard said he'll get his number. Howard said it'll just be 2 or 3 hours. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard is a true innovator of radio. He said the interview with Glenn was amazing. He also thanked Robin for her service. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin asked Howard what he eats on Thanksgiving. Howard said he has Italian food or something like that. He said they do have turkey for his parents and for the kids. He doesn't eat it though. He said he has fish or something. Howard said he has a lot of vegetable stuff now. Robin said turkey may be off the table this year because fewer baby turkeys were born this year than in the past. Robin said the USDA says that this country ate 237 million last year. Howard said he and Beth rescue birds and they can't see doing that and then eating them. Howard said he didn't like eating through chicken and seeing the anatomy. Robin said she felt the same way. Howard said he knows it's hypocritical to wear leather shoes but whatever. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Ronnie is all excited. He said he was on some tear yesterday. He said Tony Stewart asked Ronnie to drive the pace car at his next race. Robin said that's because she was making fun of his car. Robin said he was angry at her but now he gets to drive the pace car. Ronnie came in and said he's still going to bad mouth her. Howard said between July 20th and the 25th they have to do an America's Got Talent thing. Ronnie said he knew this was some kind of goof. Howard said America's Got Talent called and said they have to cut some stuff so he has to go to L.A. for 4 days. Ronnie said that he knows he'd never let that happen.
Ronnie said he's supposed to do it on the 22nd. Howard said he can go do it. Ronnie said he'll go to L.A. Howard said he wants Ronnie to do the race car. He said he should do it. Ronnie said Howard comes first. Howard said he was just testing him.
Ronnie said Tony Stewart owns a race track and the race is televised. He said he asked him to drive the pace car. Howard said he's going to drive it. Ronnie said he's going to be the celebrity driver. Howard asked how fast he goes. Ronnie said it depends on the size of the track. Ronnie said if you're on a big track you have to do at least 100. Robin said it's a smaller track so he won't be going that fast. He said it will be over 100 though. Robin asked if he's going to be in a car or a truck. Ronnie said he's not sure yet.
Fred looked up the information about the pace car and they say that it doesn't go faster than 45 miles per hour. Ronnie said that's bull. He said he drove one last year at Pocono and he was doing at least 75. Howard said he's sure someone has crashed the pace car.
Ronnie said they have a show on that day and he has to get to the race track early. He said that they're going to fly him out on a private jet with Stewart-Haas Racing. Howard said he had no idea they had that kind of money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got to drive a pace car at a speedway. He said he thinks that Ronnie's pace car is very ugly. He said that the bright yellow rims he has really set it off. Ronnie said he's looking at the wrong car. He said he has a 1995 and it doesn't have yellow rims. Ronnie said the guy has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard said Ronnie was all giddy yesterday about that news about driving. He played a song parody about Ronnie's Pace Car. Howard said some guy on the Wrap Up Show was bashing his car. Ronnie said of course he was. Howard played a clip of the guy talking about how it's a duplicate car and not the real pace car. Ronnie said the guy is full of shit about finding them for $10,000. He said he's taking the car out on Saturday and he's taking it to a car show. He said Chuck Zito will be there with a Dodge Charger he just built. He said he's going out to support him. Ronnie said that's going to be in Hicksville.
Howard asked if it's true that Jon Leiberman scratched his car. Ronnie said he did. He said they put the car on a trailer and it turned out he wasn't able to get out of the car. He said the trailer was a rental and he didn't know that he wasn't able to get out. He said Jon scratched the car when he was helping him out with the car. Jon came in and said that he did do that. He said he heard that it was still there. Ronnie said you don't fuck with that shit. He said you leave it alone. Ronnie said he went ballistic on him for doing that. He said that's why he made him scream at the track that day. He said Jon was screaming like a girl. Howard asked if he's going to cover the pace car drive too. Jon said he'll do that. He won't get in the car with him again though. Howard let Jon and Ronnie go after that.
Howard said Jon Hein said that Robin shouldn't be allowed to watch Game of Thrones anymore. Howard played a clip of Jon talking about that on yesterday's Wrap Up Show. Robin said that a fan said she cant even talk to her after what she's said.
Howard said Jon did make a point. He asked why she watches. Robin said she's a Peter Dinklage fan. She said that she has liked previous seasons. She said she hangs in there with this stupid show. She said she knows they're waiting for this guy to finish his books and this season was just filler. Howard said they had some clunkers in Dexter and things like that. Robin said that this season was tedious. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Howard was giving out some spoilers about Game of Thrones this week. She said she's glad it was him this time.
Robin read a story about the prison escapees who are still out there. Robin asked if we should give up the search. Howard said it's the end of society if we give up now. Robin said these guys had a back up plan if things didn't work out. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Robin said the female guard had a surprise guest. Her husband came to visit. Robin said she planed to have him killed. Howard said maybe he wanted to ask her what the fuck she was thinking. Robin said the husband worked at the prison as well. Robin said officials are asking him about the prison break too. Howard said she should get the death penalty too. Robin said it's costing millions of dollars. Robin said 7 years in prison doesn't seem long enough.
Robin read a story about the shark attack victims in North Carolina. Robin said the 16 year old boy who lost his arm has spoken about his attack. Robin said he lost his dominant arm and he's saying that won't stop him from living. Howard said he'd never surf again after that. Robin had audio of the kid talking about how he's going to go on with his life. Robin said the kid didn't see the shark coming and he was helped by a cousin to get back to shore. Robin said the parents of the 12 year old girl who was attacked issued a statement to people who helped their daughter. Howard said we have to get rid of sharks. He said he's been saying that for years. He said it's us or them. Howard said he wants to go in the ocean but he hasn't been in it since Jaws came out. Robin said these attacks happened in waist deep water. Howard said if we don't kill them they're eventually going to come on land.
Howard said Benjy was killed in Sharknado 2 by a shark on the street in Manhattan. Benjy said the shark got him but not Pepa from Salt and Pepa. Howard asked if he's going to be in the third one. Benjy said he did film a scene. He said he hopes he'll be in it. He said he's not sure if they're going to explain why he came back. Howard said they should have had him dressed as a woman. Benjy said he was in the scene with Ian this time. Howard asked when the movie comes out. Gary said July 22nd.
Robin read a story about MLB undergoing another scandal. Robin said that the Houston Astros computer network was hacked by another tea. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard said he had a caller on the line who said Tony Stewart should run over Ronnie. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie acts like such an expert on NASCAR but he doesn't know the name of the truck series sponsor and he doesn't know the speed that the pace car runs. He said they run the pit road speed. He said it could be 35 miles per hour. He said that it won't be what Ronnie thinks it is. He said in formula 1 they run 100. He said Ronnie won't be going more than 40. Ronnie said he said that it depends on the size of the track. He said he never said they'd be going 100. He said at Pocono they might be that fast. The caller said it's always pit road speed. The caller asked what the title sponsor is for the truck series. Ronnie said Craftsman. The caller said it's Camping World. The caller asked when he last watched a NASCAR race. Ronnie said he watched it this weekend. Ronnie said he knew who won but he didn't want to tell the guy. The caller said that's what he thought. Then he said he knows that Kurt Bush won and they ran 137 laps. Ronnie said this guy is just jealous. Howard said this is the least important argument in the world. The caller is going to be at the race Ronnie will be at. Ronnie said he's going to be at Daytona too. Ronnie said he's going to be at Pocono. Ronnie said he'll be at Homestead too. Howard said Wendy and Gary have smarter arguments than this. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth arguing for a couple of minutes. Then the caller said he'll be in the stands with a sign that says ''Ronnie the Molester''. Ronnie asked where the fuck that came from. Howard told Ronnie to calm down. He said he feels dumber for listening to that argument.
Robin read more about the hacking with the Astros. She also read a story about a former NFL cheerleader who is facing jail time. Robin had some audio of an attorney talking about that. Robin said that the woman had a sexual encounter with a 15 year old friend of her son. Howard said that has to be the worst when you find out your wife was doing that.
Robin said their senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, is going after Obama for ignoring rape in the military. Robin had some audio of the senator talking about that.
Howard ended up going into his mother and father voices talking about having sex with his childhood friend Dr. Lou. Howard said just imagine the reality of that story earlier. Howard was doing the voices of his parents and had his mother talking about the sex she had and how Howard was in the corner watching. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Southern Baptist church saying that no government can overrule what God's rules are on gay marriage.
Robin read about Monica Lewis dying. Robin said she sang the Chiquita Banana theme. Robin said she was 93 years old. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said they don't have a poll today but they have a lot to discuss. Jon said they had a lot of revelations from Ronnie and Benjy toward the end of the show.
Jon said that Ronnie is getting flown out to that NASCAR race. He said Ronnie is excited about that. Rahsaan said that sounds pretty cool to him. He said he'd be excited about that too. Jon said that Ronnie turned the tables on that caller who thought he didn't know the NASCAR race winner from the weekend.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie gets his balls broken in the office after something like that. Jon said that stuff never stops. He said Ronnie knows he's going to get his balls broken. He said Ronnie is fine with it because he gets to live out one of his many dreams. He said Ronnie is a NASCAR fan and he has tires and other NASCAR gear in his basement. He said it's like throwing out the first pitch or something for other people. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Robin and Howard had him in a corner but Beck wouldn't say it. He said he's going to get people riled up about the middle east. The caller was going on and on so Jon cut him off. He said this is what Beck wants from the listeners. He said he's getting people all fired up. Jon said that the man does know radio. He said some people are going to get charged up about it.
Jon said Glenn can spin with the rest of them. Gary came in so Jon went over what they had just talked about with Howard and Glenn respecting each other. Gary said he looked at the interview like a 60 Minutes interview. Gary said they could have done a solid hour about where Glenn worked before he became Glenn Beck. Gary said Glenn was talking about how he got paid in furniture and things. Gary said he had the same thing going on when he started out. He said that he got paid in blinds and they're still up in the apartment he was in back then.
Gary said that people used to cancel on them when a station would threaten to pull their album from their station if they did their show. Gary said that's the kind of stuff that was going on back then. Gary said he remembers one station sending a cake over saying they were going to kick their asses and the guys who brought the cake were big fans of the show. Gary also brought up the Cleveland wire cutting incident and how they had originally planned on dropping water balloons on them from a helicopter. That could have killed someone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was listening to Glenn earlier and he was thinking about how much of a zoo the presidential campaigns are. Gary said that they do have a lot. He said they're going to get 10 at a debate and they're all going to tear each other apart. Gary said what he read was that they're going to have a rolling 5 week average and they'll do a debate and then do that again for another debate. Gary said it's a mess.
Jon said he thinks that Donald is going to get some traction. Gary said he thinks so too. He said Patacki may not get the traction that Trump will.
Jon said he has to give Robin her props about her singing. He said that sometimes she doesn't sound so great but she sounded great in Brown Finger. Gary said she brought the energy it needed. Jon said kudos to her for that. Jon said he knows she wants to sing and that's fine as long as she doesn't watch Game of Thrones. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he's pissed off about the falling asleep thing. Gary said he's mad at himself. He said that he doesn't have animosity toward anyone. Gary said he wasn't even aware that it was the anniversary until this morning. He said he was hoping that Howard wasn't going to get to it. He said after today it's useless. He said if he misses it then Monday he won't get back to it.
Jon said they also learned from Benjy that he will be in the next Sharknado. That's if his scene isn't cut. Gary said he was in the last one and he thinks they have a short scene. He said that's good for Benjy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe or agree with everything Howard says. He said it's the same for Glenn Beck. He said he thinks both of them are Libertarians though. He said they might be closer together than they even realize. Gary said he's worked with Howard for years and he still can't label his politics. He said that Howard may not even label himself with a particular party. Jon said he doesn't think Howard and Glenn are that close in that respect.
Jon said Howard seemed to have no idea that Glenn was a geek when he was growing up. Gary said that it is interesting to find that stuff out. Gary said when he came to work for the show he realized that there was no room for him to be that 23 year old doing certain things. He said they were there to work. He said Howard has never lived that life since he's known him. He said he's always been about the work.
Gary said just imagine the cast they have now but Howard likes to drink during the show. Gary said Richard would be in there drinking. Jon said he thinks Fred might like a drink too. Gary said he likes doing the drinking shows but at that hour he never understood drinking. He said it was never for him to drink that early.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard is getting older and as he ages he's relating to people you wouldn't think he would. He said he never thought Howard would talk to Glenn Beck like he did today. He said he seems to be getting more liberal and his ideas are changing. Gary said they don't think about relateability on the show. He said he thinks that Howard can find a way to humanize someone and find out how they go to where they are. He said if they had the woman on who thinks she's black it would be easy to goof on her but Howard would get into the nuts and bolts of the whole thing.
Jon said that Jim Gaffigan has 5 kids and they were all born at home. Gary said when he left he showed Howard a picture of him with ''most'' of his kids. He said it's hard to get them all together. Gary said when you have that it's just what you know so the kids are fine with it. Gary said he read an article about raising family in Manhattan and the family had 3 kids in a one bedroom and the kids were only allowed one toy each. Gary said that if that's all you know it's fine.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and ended the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Gary said they had one Baba Booey shout out when Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan were talking and Tracy says that he yelled out Baba Booey at the Walter Cronkite funeral.
Gary said Jim Gaffigan was talking about Judah this week. He said he mentioned that he came up with him in the comedy world. Judah said he started in 89 and met Jim in maybe 90 or 91. He said they used to do open mic's together. He said they were in the worst places too. He said they took a bus out to Long Island and then another bus and had to walk like another mile and a half. He said that it was called The White House and the guy who ran it was Richard M Dixon. Gary knew the guy and the place he was talking about. Judah said Richard would talk about how the people who played there and made it would never have to pay a cover charge.
Jon asked about today's poll. Rahsaan said they're asking ''If you were the Lump, which Wack Packer would you rather be on?'' and the choices are:
Jon asked Judah who he would pick as his favorite Wack Packer. Judah said that you can't go wrong with Big Foot. He said the guy he played in American Splendor, Toby Radloff, was up against Big Foot in that contest they held. Jon said Big foot has been paying dividends since they picked him. Gary said they didn't know much about him when he came in. He said he just stepped right up and took it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jim Gaffigan was on this week and talking about his 5 kids and working in comedy. Jon said that Jim works really hard and he busted his ass to get there. He said that he got his own show through Letterman but that kind of fell through. Judah said that the show was called Welcome to New York. Gary said they had that big machine of Worldwide Pants behind them.
Jon said that Jim played a weatherman named Jim Gaffigan but he had to be the character in the show. He said he wasn't able to be himself.
Judah said that he turned down two shows this year. He said one was a comedy show and he knew the network wasn't going to do what he wanted to do. He said that he would have been playing himself but he still wouldn't have been able to play himself. He said the other show was one with Ken Jeung. He said he didn't want to get locked into a 6 year contract. He said he wants to do his own thing. Jon said that has to be a tough decision. Judah said it is and he'd like to have that extra money but right now he gets to do what he wants.
Gary told a story about how Michael Jackson wanted to do a thing with Howard years ago to get his audience to back him up and it was all going to be set up. He said he must not have known all of the things that Howard said about him.
Jon said Jeff Ross was on this week too. He said he told a Milton Berle story and Howard had his own story about Milton. Gary said he was the king of comedy and he didn't talk with you, he talked at you. He said that he talked to him about how he had created the makeup union and all of these other stories. He said he never won and Emmy and he had been on Beverly Hills 90210 and he must have wanted that Emmy. He said that Milton told him how he wanted Howard to bring it up. He had it all scripted out. Judah said he remembers him on 90210. He said that was the last TV show he watched. He said he got it all out of his system after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who they think would put out the first tell all book about Howard when he retires. He thought Benjy. Gary said he thinks Sal might but maybe not. Gary said some people think him but that's not for him. Jon said that he knows all of the stories though. Gary said if something ever happened to Howard he'd like to do something that was more of a behind the scenes love letter. He said that it wouldn't be the tell all. He said he's not looking to tell tales. He said he'd like to do a book that talks about how the show ran. Gary said he'd be involved in an authorized book but not an unauthorized biography or anything like that.
Gary said he was offered a book deal to do a tell all and they offered like $400,000. He said he figured he'd never be able to work anywhere ever again if he did it. He said that he'd be left with about $200,000 after all of the agents and people like that got paid. Gary said it just doesn't pay.
The caller said Howard has these great comedians come in and they talk about how they got to where they are. He said that he'd like to know where Benjy stands in all of this. He said he doesn't seem to be as funny as half the people who come on the show. He asked why he's not working on material outside of the show. Jon said that Benjy is going to be in Sharknado 3. He said he also thinks that he's focused on writing for the Howard Stern Show. He said he's not doing other things like Richard and Sal are. Gary said he can't get Benjy to tell him his age so how can he get him to tell him what he's up to. Gary said he doesn't have those conversations with Benjy and if he does it's hard to get a straight answer.
Jon said that the focus is on the guy behind the microphone. Judah said you're in the moment and he's not thinking anyone's career when they're on the air. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said the other one they had was the Kinison and Goldthwait feud. He said they had a great back and forth with the two of them once. Judah said he has to hear those again because they were great.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard would ever go for a book similar to the Steve Jobs book that was written by Walter Isaacson did. Gary said it's hard to say. He said both of Howard's books are autobiographical. He said he thinks Howard would want to tell his own story. Jon said he thinks it would come from Howard and only Howard.
Jon said if anyone wanted a book they should go to Gary. Gary said they probably would come to him but he won't do it. He said someone on the peripheral of the show might do it and they might team up with someone to do it. Gary said he thinks this is all about when the show ends. He said that he's under the impression that Howard will still take his calls after the show ends.
Jon said that Jeff Ross did a special in a prison in Texas. He said Howard really liked it. He said that he found a human side to the whole thing. Jon said it wasn't the typical hour of stand up. Judah said he hasn't seen it but it sounds like a good angle to take.
Jon asked Judah if he likes doing roasts. Judah said when they're done right they're amazing. He said he doesn't do many though. Judah said it's best when the bulk of the people who are there you know. He said at some roasts the people are too nice. He said that's not what a roast is. Jon said the best are when they go for the jugular. He said there's still a line though. He said the question is how far you'll push that line.
Jon and the guys spent a little time talking about the roasts. Judah had some stories that he told and Gary said that Milton Berle used to tell Howard he didn't like that he worked blue but he worked blue at the roasts. He said Howard called him out on that but Milton said that's a private thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when Howard is going to get Rush on the show. Jon said he's been trying to get them on. Gary said that someone has to push to get them on. Jon said that they're coming in to town and they're trying to make it happen. Jon said he's taking Gary to his first Rush show this month.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 66 percent picked Bobo as the one they'd like to be the lump on. Second place was High Pitch with 18 percent and Jeff with 16 percent.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and gave Judah some plugs before wrapping up the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that Jon said they have plenty to go over today. He asked Rahsaan what their poll question is about. Rahsaan said they are asking ''Which staffer has the worst dye job of all time?'' and the choices are Ronnie, Sal or Benjy.
Jon asked Adam if he's frustrated by Benjy when he won't answer a question. Adam said he is so frustrating. He said it's like running into a wall over and over again. He asked if it's impossible. Gary said he's right. He said he goes through it every day. Gary said he was feeling sympathy for Benjy about a month ago and he said he asked how much weight he lost. Benjy said 20 or maybe 30 but he doesn't weigh himself. He said he got stuck in the vortex. Gary said it should take 5 seconds and it took a minute. He said he was trying to be nice to him and it turned into that. Gary said it stresses him out. He said if you ask Benjy how old he is he'll say ''Well, it depends...''
Jon said that Benjy told him that he wanted to come to his daughter's bat mitzvah and he anted to bring a date. He said that he had already passed the RSVP date and it's just one of those things when you get into the vortex. He said that Benjy won't get into the bad stuff with Elisa and that's the mistake he made this time.
Adam said Howard doesn't even ask anymore. He said he must know it's going to go nowhere. Gary said Howard will forget that and he'll get back to it 2 weeks later. Jon said that Benjy isn't a sweetheart about it either. He said he gets in Howard's face. He said that's asking for even more trouble.
Gary said a couple of years ago Benjy was trying to get his shit together. He said they had some wild arguments on the Wrap Up Show and Benjy would lash out at you. He said that they're not giving him shit but he takes it that way. Jon said they're in the vortex now. Adam said ''And he's not even here.'' Adam said it is fascinating but it's frustrating too. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Howard went off on the band Phish once and Steve wrote him a letter about that. Jon asked if it kills him to hear that. Jon said he hates when Howard goes off on Rush. Steve said that he knew it was going to happen eventually. He said that Lisa G emailed him and asked if he had heard that. He said that's how he ended up writing it and sending it to Jason's email.
Jon asked Adam if he gets upset about things Howard says. Adam said you want to be aligned with him as much as you can. He said he's not a fan of some of the stuff Howard is into. He said he thought Royal Blood was great but his musical tastes don't always line up. Steve said some of his favorite parts of the show are when Gary argues with Howard and he's completely right and Howard continues to argue. Gary said Howard is the judge and jury in that studio. That's why that happens.
Jon said that you can sometimes think that you can get Howard to see your way but that rarely happens. He said he thinks he has a fair shot when he goes in there with something. He said there are some people who go in and it's like climbing Everest. Gary said that Howard would treat Steely Dan worse if Robin didn't defend them. Gary said Howard just hates them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard only has celebrities on the show. He said he wonders if he ever gets star struck when he meets someone. Gary said he thinks when Howard means someone who meant a lot to him growing up that happens. He said the first time McCartney was in that happened. He said the same thing about James Taylor. Gary said sometimes it doesn't matter that much to Howard. Jon said when Rickles came in the first time that seemed to happen. He said when you're in the studio it kind of levels the playing field.
Gary said there was a huge shift when the reverence between the guests and Howard happened. He said it used to be ''Look who we got'' to the guest saying ''Whoa, I'm talking to Howard.''
Adam talked about the show moving to satellite and what a big change that was. He said that the show has a form now and back then it must have been crazy walking in and knowing they could do whatever they wanted. Steve said that Howard had a no swearing week that didn't last long. Jon said that they have overcome that rule.
Gary said the language seems to be secondary now. He said Chris Rock told a story where he said that some guy was a shithead and you needed that to make the story funny. He said they couldn't have done that on terrestrial. Gary said the other thing is the amount of time they have with a guest. He said they can talk for an hour straight and get some great stuff 50 minutes in.
Steve said that Howard and Glenn Beck were talking about how different things are than they were 20 years ago. Jon said that Glenn is looking at Howard like he was ''the guy'' and you'd think he was the one who had all of the problems and he was the wild guy. He said it turns out Beck was the wild one.
Gary said Howard was the exception. He said terrestrial radio had more Glenn Becks in it than Howard Sterns. He said that he talked to Bubba before his wedding and found out all of the stuff that was going on at his station. He said that Howard was the exception to that whole thing. He said Howard led a very straight life. Adam said these guys became kings to these pockets of America. He said of course you're going to round up the power and celebrity you can. He said he loved Private Parts and how Howard was moving from city to city. He said you got to know a little bit about that. He said Howard had that moment where he just had to be real. He said Howard focused all of his energy on the show and you can hear the difference in quality.
Jon said Howard doe a great job making people comfortable and talking about their lives. He said Howard is enjoying himself and we're all better off for it. They went to break after that.
Jon said there is something about JD that makes you think he's going to lose that innocence. He said Howard treats him like a son at times. He said that maybe he will turn to the dark side.
Jon asked if the guys think he's off base for telling Robin not to watch Game of Thrones. Adam said not at all. He said you don't have to watch it. Steve said there are people who hold it in such high regard and you're more vocal about it. He said they don't want to watch anything else. Gary said there are people who complain about their show and he takes it as a compliment. He said you really care if you do that.
Jon said Judd Apatow was in this week. He said that he has a book out with interviews with comedians. He said it gives you a peek into their process. He said that's what Howard loves hearing about. Jon said that Judd even interviewed Howard when he was back at NBC. Gary said he got him during a commercial break though so it was just a few minutes long. Adam asked if they found that tape. Gary said they played it last time Judd was in. Jon said he thinks they played it on Sternthology.
The guys brought up the Ben Stiller story that Judd told and Adam said he remembers auditioning for that movie. He told the guys about what he remembered about that.
Jon said Judd also heard Amy Schumer on Howard's show and that's what led to them doing a movie together and that's coming out soon. Jon asked if that ever happens for Adam. Adam said he remembers that interview and remembers that it was a very special interview. He said it does not surprise him that it triggered something in Judd's mind.
Jon said Adam really liked the Madonna interview. Adam said it really was good. Jon said that Howard and Madonna both opened up more and more as that interview went along.
Steve said he liked that Howard stretched the show out with that Madonna interview. He said that he loves hearing Howard rip on the staff so he loved Howard doing that.
Jon said Steve has been Baba Booey'd on his show. Jon asked if there is a good way to handle that. Steve said he's very proud of how he handled it. He said when he moved to New York he knew it was going to happen to him. He said it was like a slow motion experience. He said this guy started walking to him saying ''Baba Booey'' and he pushed him out of the way. He said that they all love Howard. Steve said that they said he was officially a New Yorker after that. He said he later found the video of the guy doing it online. He said he said the camera guy was flipping him the finger as it was going on. Steve said it was the most New York moment.
Gary said that he got Baba Booey'd by Rosanna and Greg on FOX 5 News. He said that you don't see it coming. He said that his favorite line is when they say it's not the time or place to do it. He said he'd like to know when that is.
Adam said he Baba Booey'd on Parks and Recreation once. He said Amy wrote that just for him. Gary said he met Amy at a party once and she told him that they did a lot of promotion on their show and Amy said she was going to write in what happened with him when he was part of a Parks and Rec thing in his home town.
Gary said there are a lot of people who show up to meetings with stuff that's not good for the community but only good for them.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said the winner with 73 percent of the vote is Benjy. Jon said the dye job isn't good. Steve said that it's better than it was at the beginning of the Benj-Elisa thing. Adam said if you're doing it yourself you should not be doing it. Gary said that they dyed his beard once but he had to live with it outside of the show for a couple of weeks. He said that it was funny on the show though.
Steve said he's never seen a dye job that didn't look odd. Gary said a lot of guys dye their hair ''Joey Ramone Black'' and it's just not possible to be that age and have hair that color.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Adam Scott and Steve Lacy. They were done around Noon.