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Howard started the show talking about how he's sitting there thinking about his hair. He said he washed his hair before he came in. Robin said she thought he did that at night. Howard said he did but he doesn't like that. Now he does it in the morning. Howard said his hair is wet and his hair molds to his headphones. He said that Sofia Vergara is going to come in and see a space alien there.
Howard said they're ending the whole muscular dystrophy telethon. Howard said Jerry Lewis is out and now the whole thing is going away. Howard said they have other ways of raising funds without that. Howard said he doesn't think that they have a TV channel to carry it anymore. He said that it's too low profile to get anyone to host it. Robin said no one was brought along to take it over. Howard asked who would take it over. Robin said someone who is sort of a celebrity. Howard said maybe Dice Clay because he does a Jerry Lewis impression. Howard said it's over. Robin said Jerry must be happy that they can't go on without him. Howard did his Dice Clay voice for a few seconds.
Howard said he loved that telethon when it was one of the few things on TV. Howard said they ran it for days. He said it was great with Ed McMahon, Jerry Lewis and the other guests like plate spinning acts. Robin said they had dog acts and things too.
Howard said that if you're going to call and ask about the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight he didn't watch it. Howard said he wasn't going to stay up that late. He said that they want the West Coast to see it so they don't run it until like midnight. Howard said he didn't know how to do it. Robin said it took her a while to figure out how to buy it. Robin said she wanted to tape it and watch it later. She said she ended up staying up late.
Howard said Gary told him that Jimmy Kimmel walked out with Manny Pacquiao. Howard said that it may have been a goof. Howard said this was like Jimmy's parody of Justin Bieber walking out with Mayweather. Robin said he did walk out with some gold chains and stuff. Robin said it was all of 10 seconds. Howard said he missed that. Robin said it wasn't very long.
Howard asked Robin if she cared about the under card. Robin said not at all. Howard said ESPN was covering the bus arriving and it was confusion all over. Howard played a clip where they were talking about the bus showing up and thinking it was the wrong bus but it was the right bus.
Robin said they had trouble with the whole pay per view event. Robin said they were stretching the whole thing out because they were waiting for people to sign up.
Howard played more of the clip and asked Robin if she would watch a rematch. Robin said she doesn't think there will be one. Howard said Gary said he would sign up. Robin said she might too. Howard played more of the coverage of the Pacquiao bus showing up on ESPN. He said maybe they should parody this and have Wendy the Slow Adult's bus showing up. Howard played more of the awful ESPN clop and came up with what they could do with the Wendy thing.
Howard asked Robin if that Tamron chick is as hot as she looks. Robin said she is very pretty. Howard said that he was kind of disappointed that Robin didn't ask her if she's dating anyone. Robin said she was the one being interviewed, not Tamron. Howard said he was enjoying the two of them together. Howard asked if she's gay because she kept asking Robin to go swimming with her. Howard said that Tamron just learned to swim and now she wants to teach Robin to swim. Howard said it sounded like she wanted to date Robin. Howard played a clip of Tamron and Robin talking about the swimming thing. Robin was talking about how she likes to be on the water but she can't swim. Robin said she has jet skis and jet boats and things like that. Robin said she has to wear a life vest. Tamron told her she just learned to swim and she'll teach Robin how to do it. Howard said it's not that easy to teach an adult how to swim. Howard said that's like saying you're going to teach Pablo Picasso to paint because you learned to paint.
Howard said they had a clip cued up for the swimming thing. Robin said it was mentioned in her pre-interview. Howard said Robin was on the Today show and it was entertaining. Howard said Tamron sounds like she's from Krypton. Howard said he doesn't see the show very much because he didn't know she was on the show. Howard talked Tamron up to the old Superman TV show music. Robin said she's another host on the show and she does other things on the network. Howard said they have that guy from The Voice on there too. Howard forgot his name. It was Carson Daly. Howard said he's a nice guy. Howard said they have like 17 people sitting around that desk on the show. He said it was like a press conference with Robin. Robin said it was just 3. Howard said that's a lot for a 5 minute segment. Howard said that Tamron is like a name from the future. Howard asked how you get a name like that. Robin said you have parents who name you.
Howard said he was thinking about Gary and no one names their kid Gary anymore. Howard said it's weird. Robin said that's a fine name. Howard said it is. He said Tamron is wild. Howard asked if she's black or Indian. Robin said it's hard to tell race these days.
Howard said he thought they said ''Tan Mom'' when they said Tamron. Howard said he thought that Tan Mom was going to interview Robin. Howard said Tamron is hot. He said he was doubting himself and he Googled her to make sure. Howard said he saw her in some other outfits. Howard said she looked incredibly hot in some pictures and not so hot in others. Robin said she is hot in person.
Robin said Sofia has a 22 year old son. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she does a commercial with him. Howard said that he's anxious to talk to her.
Howard said that he was painting yesterday and he put some music on. Howard said he had Marilyn Manson doing Tainted Love. He said he was painting to that. He said the music doesn't really change anything thoguh. He said it's the same either way.
Fred played a video version of the Marilyn Manson song Howard was talking about. The song was skipping. Howard wondered what was going on there. Fred said he's not sure because he doesn't run the internet. Howard said he knows that. Howard played a cleaner version of the song. Howard asked if Robin likes it. She said she does. Howard asked if Marilyn can sing. Robin said no. Robin said he has a lot of effects on his voice and it works for him. Robin said it's like art. Robin said he had the idea to do this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan and called about 20 years ago and spoke to Stuttering John. Howard said that Fred heard ''big fan'' and did his Stuttering John ''ehh, ehh'' thing. Howard asked the caller what he had to say. The guy said he told John this story 20 years ago. Howard cut him off and said he didn't understand what he was talking about. Howard said he had to take a break anyway.
Howard said the princess gave birth. Robin said here is a new royal baby girl. Howard said someone snuck a microphone into the room. Howard said it's kind of garbled. Howard played a clip where a woman was complaining about her ass hurting so bad. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he was at the Babylon Panthers game over the weekend. Howard said he went over and watched. Howard said his buddy Doug's son was playing. He said that it was so great to watch high schoolers play. He said it's better than MLB games. Howard said that they were having fun playing. Robin said she watched a Mets game over the weekend. Robin said they were watching the game on TV at her house. Howard asked who was there. Robin said it was her, Susan and Lisa. They are friends of her's. Howard said he knows Susan. Howard asked if Tamron was there. Robin laughed. Howard asked if they talk through the game. Robin said they do. She said the games are so boring.
Howard said it's almost the anniversary of Gary's awful pitch. Howard said that was on May 9th. Howard said he remembers that because it was on his Daughter's birthday. Howard said there were some Baba Booey pitch mentions during a game discussion. Howard played a clip from Major League Central where they talked about that awful pitch and showed a clip. They even called Gary ''Tata Toothy'' on that show. Howard asked Gary if he wishes he never pitched. Gary said ''Oh yeah...'' Howard said he's not sure why he did it. Gary said he didn't know it was going to go like that. They played a song parody about Gary's awful pitch.
Howard said he liked it when Gary went on Jimmy Kimmel and did a pitch and screwed that up too. Howard said he hit someone in the head. Gary said that she has since passed away. Howard said that Gary wildly threw again and hit the woman in the head. Howard said she did die but not from the pitch. Howard said maybe it did have to do with that.
Howard said they gave Gary's picture to people on the street and said he was going to replace Zayn from One Direction. Howard played clips of people responding to that. Some people thought he looked fine but others weren't so happy about it. Howard said it was a pic of Gary from high school. Howard said a current picture would have been funnier. Howard said no one consulted him on that.
Howard said Sour Shoes called in and left them a voice mail. Howard said that he's Artie yelling about Bradley Cooper and he's also doing a Gary impression. Howard played the clip and Sour was doing his Artie voice and goofing on Gary about calling Bradley Cooper over to his table at that dinner he was at. Howard said that's so great. He said he makes a lot of sense as Artie too. Howard said it's really wild.
Howard said they won a Webby award. He said that the guy who should have won was Joel Galen for directing and editing the special. Howard said he had to mention that because they didn't mention him. Howard said Joel is the reason that they won. Howard said he's not going to go accept it so Joel can go if he wants to.
Howard said he sent a 2 page long letter to them and it's too much to read. He ended up reading some of it and Red was talking about the song winning an award. Howard said he's not going to read the whole thing. Howard congratulated Red on his win. Howard said that he has to take a break. He said Vinnie Favale is going to call in to promote a Letterman special that CBS has on tonight. Howard said that he's part of it but it's old show clips that he'll be in. Howard said they'll get Vinnie on after a break.
Howard said he's going to explain it because it's annoying to hear Vinnie. Vinnie said they have 13 more episodes starting tonight with Obama. Howard said that he has a clip of Dave with Obama tonight. Howard played something they put together with Obama clips and Evil Dave clips.
Howard said the Letterman people are so busy with the last 11 shows that they didn't have time for this. He said Vinnie was pushing for a prime time special for Dave. He said Vinnie pushed for it and they made him the executive producer to go and watch 600 hours of material. He said NBC even let them use those old tapes for the special.
Howard asked Vinnie if he ever calls in on a good phone. Vinnie said he's not near a hard line. Howard said he can't listen to him on the phone. Vinnie said that he just needs 2 minutes to get to a hard line. Howard told him to go do it. Howard said they gave him all weekend to set this up. Howard said he could have plotted this out. Gary said he read that he'd be in the office by now. He said he thought he was going to be on a hard line. Howard said sometimes the best laid plans go afoul.
Howard said based on Vinnie they probably paid NBC a boatload of dough for those NBC tapes. Howard said they're doing a 90 minute special tonight about Dave. Howard said that they have to have a lot of good stuff in it. Howard said Vinnie's job is to baby sit Letterman's show. He said they let him be the Executive Producer on this show. Howard said he had to watch all of it and figure out how to edit it together. Robin said Ray Romano is hosting the special. Howard said Ray did a TV show for Dave.
Vinnie was back on the line and on a good phone. Howard asked if he ran to the phone. Vinnie said he did. He was out of breath. Howard told him to catch his breath. Vinnie was breathing fast so Howard told him to calm down. Howard asked how old Vinnie is now. Vinnie said he's 55. He said he doesn't think he looks his age.
Howard asked how many hours they had to watch. Vinnie said there is over 6,000 hours of shows. He said that they got permission from Bob Greenblatt. Howard said he knows Bobby. Howard said Bob called him and asked if he should give them the tapes. Howard said he told Bob to give them the tape. Howard said that he's the reason he got the tapes. Vinnie said he thinks they thought they were going to do something about Leno but that's not what it's about. Vinnie said it's celebrating Dave's 33 years.
Howard told Vinnie that Bob didn't ask him about the tapes. He just wanted to make that sure. Vinnie said he almost called Howard for some help. He said there was some push back there. Howard said he would have told him that they're not going to listen to him. Vinnie said Howard is all over the special.
Howard said Vinnie sent over some pictures of his various looks over the years. Howard said it's pretty funny. Vinnie said his first appearance was in June of 1984. He said he tried to get him 10 years apart. He said that Howard has been doing the show over 30 years and not many people do that. Howard said a lot of people fall out of favor with Dave so that's a big deal. Vinnie said that he's in a group of about 4 or 5 people who have done the show all these years. Howard said he thinks it's great he's still on.
Howard asked how long he was on before he started doing the show. Vinnie said he started in 1982 and Howard started in 1984. Howard said he could have done more appearances but he slowed down. Howard said it's too much pressure. Howard said he's going to be on May 11th and he's not sure what he will do. Howard said he was thinking of something he'd like to do for Dave but he's not sure if he should. Howard said if he wants to do it he doesn't want to call Vinnie. He said he has no clout over there. Vinnie said that Rob is the guy to talk to. Howard said he doesn't think Rob is still there though. He said he heard he's off producing movies. Vinnie said he's back for the final shows. Howard asked if it's like a morgue over there. Vinnie said it's sad for obvious reasons. He said everyone is working hard and people are starting to leave.
Howard asked Vinnie to back up. He said these people have to look for another gig. Howard said they're still working on the show though. Vinnie said they're putting all of their effort into the show. Vinnie said they're very dedicated to the show. Howard said he heard they're all looking for work but the writers haven't found jobs yet. Vinnie said he thinks people want to make it work. Howard asked if they worry about people stealing stuff. Vinnie said that they aren't yet but toward the end they may.
Howard asked if Vinnie is going to work with Colbert. Vinnie said he is already working on that. He said he starts on September 8th. He said they have to retool the studio before that. Howard asked if he's going to do try out shows. Vinnie said that he's not sure what they're going to fill that time slot with. Howard said Colbert has had like a year to prepare. He said they could have a temporary studio for him.
Howard said he had a plan to do something with Dave and Gary said that Will Ferrell just did it with Jon Stewart. Howard said he can't do it now. He said he doesn't want someone thinking he was ripping off Will. Howard said he was going to do something funny but Will took that. Howard said he psychically robbed his brain somehow. Howard said he has come up with something else that's funny and sweet. Howard said he doesn't want to clear it with Vinnie because he doesn't have any power over there. Howard said he needs to speak to the creatives over there. Vinnie told him to talk to Rob. Howard said Rob is a downer sometimes. Howard said he'll try to talk him out of it.
Vinnie told Howard he should just go on and be real. Howard said he knows how to be. He said he doesn't need him telling him how to be. Howard asked what they're up against tonight in prime time. Vinnie said they're a giant The Voice and things like that. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Howard said Dave never wants to be in a position to be slaughtered in prime time. Howard said he was going to do an interview show with Dave and Dave didn't want it to be just about him. He said Dave must be freaking out about this. He said he's going to watch this special but after Dancing with the Stars and The Voice. Howard said that you know it will be fun. Vinnie said they have The Big Bang Theory as a lead in so they'll be fine. Howard said Vinnie has to do this and Dave is going to be trumped by Rumer Willis in a bikini. Vinnie said he hates Howard right now.
Howard said he likes that Letterman is already separating himself from this special. Vinnie said it's all CBS. Vinnie said they just planned this thing 2 weeks ago. Howard asked why it took so long. Vinnie said the show has been so busy that they didn't have time to do it. Vinnie said that's when they stepped in. Howard said it has to be driving Dave nuts that they're doing this. Howard said Dave wants to win. Howard said he wants to go out like Johnny did. Vinnie said it's a celebration of an amazing career that they're playing in prime time. Howard said this is depressing. Robin said she's never heard of a special being put together in 2 weeks.
Howard said the Big Bang Theory is a repeat to night. He said poor Dave. Robin said this wasn't planned very well. Howard said he'll watch though. Vinnie thanked him for that. He said Howard is a big part of the special. He said that the special is 90 minutes long. Howard said that they should have made it all 90 minutes about him.
Gary came in and said he feels bad for Vinnie now. He said it's almost as if the show isn't on tonight. He said there's nothing on the CBS web site and nothing on Letterman's web site. Vinnie said he'll look into it.
Vinnie said he loves Dave and he's going to miss him when he goes. Howard asked if Dave is freaking out that he's working on Colbert's show. Vinnie said he doesn't think they care that much about what he's working on. He said that they're still in the early stages of the Colbert show. Howard said that guy is funny so he may have a shot there.
Howard said Vinnie is like a snitch for the network. He said that he has a lot of time to do other things. He said he's still with the network and he will be working with Colbert. Howard said he could reach retirement working with CBS. Howard congratulated him on that. Vinnie said he loved working with Howard. He said that was a lot of fun.
Vinnie said that there is one photo toward the end of the special that makes him tear up. He said that Dave is so young in the picture. He said it's one of Dave and Andy Kaufman. He said it gets him every time. Howard said it represents the passage of time. Howard said Andy has been dead for years and years and Dave looked so young. Howard said he remembers Johnny Carson retiring. Howard said it was a big deal to a lot of people. Howard said now they're watching David Letterman retire. Howard said he's a big deal to him. He said he means a lot to him. Howard said he'll tell Dave why if he lets him do that. Howard said it seems like just yesterday that he was starting that show. Vinnie said he remembers working with Dave and watching Howard doing his show at NBC. He said Howard was on Dave's radar 2 yeas before he was on his TV show. Howard said Vinnie tells that story and he finds it hard to believe.
Vinnie told Howard that Howard came on in 1982 at NBC. He said Dave would exit through that floor and watch Howard doing his thing. Howard said he never remembers seeing Dave. Vinnie said Dave was in pre-production of the show so Howard wouldn't have recognized him. He said that he was in the building and they'd just go by on their way to the elevator. Vinnie said he remembers watching and how wild it was to see them doing their thing. He said that they could see Howard and Robin in there doing their thing through the engineer's booth. Howard said NBC had their foot on his throat back then. Vinnie said Dave taped his show at 5:30 and they'd patch into the complaint line and they were all complaining about Howard. Howard said he remembers that. He said it was almost laughable. He said NBC complained to him that their phone line was being clogged up. Howard said it was such a ridiculous thing.
Vinnie said that Howard looks really different in his first appearance than he did on his second on Letterman. Howard said he thought he should not dress for TV. He said he was completely off. He said that you kind of need to put some thought into your appearance. Howard said he can't watch those old letterman appearances. He said he cringes so much. Howard said he wants to tell himself to shut the fuck up. Vinnie said Howard is constantly moving and touching Dave and things. He said in his first appearance he's stroking Dave.
Howard wished Vinnie luck with the show and said it's on tonight at 9:30 on CBS. Howard said they should go out on a high note and play a call Dave made to Tan Mom. Howard played a clip of Evil Dave calling Tan Mom and pitching some ideas for some bits to her. Vinnie asked if Evil Dave is going to retire as well. Howard said no way. Howard congratulated Vinnie on his special and let him go after that. Howard said that's Vinnie Favale everybody.
Robin said she can't believe that they put any planning into that. Howard said because of that they're planning Stephen Colbert's final week of shows already. Howard said he's stressed out about going on Dave's show. He said that it's all so much to do.
Howard took a call from Bobo and said that he left a voicemail fro him the other day. He said it got on his nerves. He played a clip and Bobo was saying that Howard promised him his studio chair years ago. Howard said he has decided to switch chairs because his chair was getting rickety. Howard said he's using this new one and it's okay. He said Bobo gets right on the phone and said he wants the chair. Howard said he gave him the Tickle Chair and he sold it. Howard said he doesn't care what he got for it but he wont' give him his chair. He said he sells his stuff. Bobo said he doesn't sell anything of his. He said that he moved and he had to sell it. Howard said that he sold it. It doesn't matter what the reason is. Howard said he thought Bobo was going to use it or keep it. Bobo said the other guy who bought it is a superfan of the show. He said he only sold it because he had to. He had nowhere to put it.
Howard asked what assures him that he's going to take care of this one. Bobo said it would replace his office chair. Howard said no dice. He said he isn't going to give it to someone who sells his stuff. Bobo said he never sells his stuff. Howard said he did sell the tickle chair though. Bobo said he did but he had no choice.
Gary asked Bobo why he didn't give the chair back to them. He said he got money for it. Bobo said he has other things from them that he won't sell. Howard asked what he got for the chair. Bobo said $2,300. Howard said he's not giving him this chair.
Howard said they're going to give this chair to the Smithsonian. Howard said it's an important chair. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people about the chair going to the Smithsonian. Howard played some audio and people were saying that it was a great idea. Some people said Howard Stern is an asshole but most of the people were all for it.
Bobo asked Howard ''Would you have gave it to me?'' when he was asking about the chair. Howard told him to correct that sentence. Bobo was able to fix it. Howard said that he wouldn't have given him the chair either way. Howard said it's too important. Howard said giving it to Bobo is creepy. He said having Bobo sitting in it every day would be creepy and bum him out. Howard said he wants to think he's more important than that.
Bobo asked if he's going to use any of his questions that he sent for Dave. Howard said Bobo sent a whole list of question for him to ask Dave. Howard had Bobo tell Robin what he had. Bobo gave him one and screwed it up. Howard said the questions are all pretty obvious. Bobo wondered what Dave is going to end up doing in retirement. Bobo asked if Dave is going to keep him out there the whole show. Howard said he never does that. Howard said he doesn't want to stay out there the whole time. Howard said he can't see why Dave would do that. Bobo said Dave loves Howard. Howard told Bobo to have a good day. He asked if he's feeling okay. Bobo said he's been throwing up today actually. Howard said he called in anyway though. Bobo said he had to call in.
Howard said he hasn't thrown up since he was in college. Robin said she threw up when she took Ayahuasca. Howard said that's right. Howard said that he has to take a break and get to more. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what they were listening to. Fred told him it's Led Zeppelin. Howard said this is one of his favorite songs.
Howard said Sofia Vergara is in a movie called Hot Pursuit. Howard said she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. Howard said she gets paid like $325,000 per episode of ''Modern Family.''
Sofia came in and Howard said time has not diminished her beauty. She said that Howard is blinder now that he's getting older.
Howard said he reads about her life and she got married at a very young age. She was married at 18. Howard said she was hit on so much that she had to get married. Howard said it's really good to see her again. Sofia said she was there a long time ago. She said it was like 10 years ago. Howard said things are going great now. She said Howard was very nice to her. She said he didn't ask her to show her boobs or anything. Howard said he wishes he had. Howard said people don't realize how serious her climb to the top has been. Howard said it's tough when you have an accent. She said she tried to get rid of it with a speech coach. She said that other women had accents and she thought that she could fix it. Sofia said she was just thinking about the words and not the acting in the auditions so it wasn't working for her. Sofia said that she was thinking about where to put her tongue and things. She said it was a nightmare. She said she was just going to go back to Miami if it didn't work out for her.
Howard said there are some people who can do amazing American accents. Sofia said that it's a talent and you can't teach that. She said you have to have that in you. Sofia said she's sure that Nicole Kidman could do her accent too.
Howard said even for a young woman who wants to go into show business she's so beautiful that it was hard to get roles. Howard said you still have to be believable on camera. Howard said she can't play Norma Ray. Howard said she's too hot. Sofia said she knows her limitations. She said that she's just milking what she has. Howard said she went for it and used what she had. She said she never went in for any auditions for Schindler's List or anything like that.
Howard said Sofia grew up in Colombia and her dad was a cattle man. She said he owned farms and they lived in the city. Howard said she went to catholic school and one day she was discovered by some guy. She said she was on the beach in a G-string. Howard said everyone is in a G-string down there. He said they took her and put her in a Pepsi ad. Howard said she's walking down the beach in a bathing suit and she's only 17 but she's hot. She said she was young and innocent. Howard said she got into that commercial and then she went to dental school. She said she was going to be a dentist. Howard asked why she would do that. She said that she could have used the laughing gas.
Sofia asked if this coffee they have is Colombian. Howard said it looks like Starbucks. She said ''Meh'' and didn't seem to want it. Howard asked if she can tell the difference. She said that she can. Sofia said that when she moved there she was able to tell the difference between the Colombian meat and what they had here too. Howard asked if she was bummed that her dad did that to cattle. She said she was kind of upset by that but she knew it was the cycle of things. She said that they had pigs too. She said they ate everything from the farm. She said they would get the turkey drunk and cut the neck. She said that it helps relax the turkey. She said they are delicious.
Howard said that Sofia gets modeling work and then she comes to the United States. Howard said her brother is killed in Colombia by drug overlords. Howard said Sofia had a theory that it was a kidnapping that was botched. She said he was kidnapped 2 years before. She said that they have changed things down there over the years. She said that her brother was kidnapped and they released him when they paid the ransom. She said they tried again 2 years later and that's when he was killed. Howard asked if she grew up that she was going to be kidnapped. Sofia said there is that fear but one of the amazing things about her country is that they're still doing everything and partying. She said they never stop living. She said that was their reality but you know where not to go or where to be. She said you adapt. She said they had security but that night her brother was going out to party and he didn't have security.
Howard asked Sofia about moving her family there to the states after that. She said that she moved her mother and sister there. She said it wasn't the whole family. Howard said that Sofia wasn't famous from Modern Family yet. Sofia said she was on a show on Univision. Howard said that was even bigger then because they didn't have a lot of cable channels. Howard said that she was big in that and she could do interviews with big heads of state and things like that. Sofia said she was doing that. She said it was a lot of fun. Howard said she realized that no one was representing Latin talent. She said it was just for singers. She said it wasn't for TV or journalists. She said they were being ripped off so she started her own agency with someone. She said they still have that going on and they have just about everyone in the Latin market.
Howard said Sofia would be very well off from that alone. Howard said she's some catch. Sofia laughed. Howard said she really is hot.
Howard said Sofia got married at 18 and her theory was that if she got married young men would stop hitting on her. Sofia said that everyone gets married young. She said that's what they do. She said her son is 23 already. Howard said that she thought that men would treat her differently. She said she never thought that men were treating her poorly. Howard said she must have hated having guys hitting on her every day. Sofia said it's not that bad of a thing. She said she would have loved to have had the brain of Steve Jobs. Howard said that people don't know she has all of this other business going on. Howard said her beauty is disconcerting. Sofia said it's good because they lower their guard with her. She said she can't complain.
Howard said when you're this hot... Sofia said she loves that he thinks she's so hot. She kept laughing when he'd day it. Howard said there have to be some days when she wants to walk down the street and relax. Howard said he imagines that someone is talking about her tits or ass. She said it's more about the tits than her ass. She said that her ass is underestimated. Howard said her ass is mostly ignored because of her tits. She said that it's a good ass and she works hard for it. She said that she thinks she deserves some notice for her ass too.
Howard said her tits are all natural. She said they are for now. She said everything is going south. Howard said she has said that she wishes they were fake. She said she finds it a burden. Sofia said that she must have laughed when she said that. She said the when they're fake they're all plump and all of that. She said she has to build in armor in her dress with the natural ones. She said that it used to be hard to find a bra but now you can get it anywhere in the world.
Howard said she has naturally gorgeous breasts on a naturally thin frame. Howard said that she has it all. Howard said when the fake breasts come out it's kind of cheating. Sofia said she probably would have gotten them too if she was flat when she was young.
Howard asked if she wants them to get the word out about her ass. She said she would have brought a skirt if she had thought about it. Sofia said maybe she should insure it just to get some attention. Howard said that they can do a hashtag thing with her ass. Sofia said she's glad her son isn't listening today. Howard said that she must be thought of as a sister to her son. She said that she's 43 now and they used to get confused a lot. She said now it's not so much. She said that she brought her son to college and the father of his roommate thought she was his sister. She said she played along with it because he knows how much it makes her son crazy.
Howard said that he took his daughter out to dinner one night and the waiter thought that it was his date. He said his daughter got really embarrassed. Sofia said her son does too but she keeps doing it.
Howard said it has to be tough raising a kid when you're in show business. She said that she wouldn't have changed anything. She said it was amazing. She said that it kept her grounded.
Howard said he found a clip of Bill Cosby sitting in for David Letterman years ago. Sofia said that it was her first appearance on a late night show. Howard said Dave was ill or something and Bill sat in for him. Howard said Bill came over and sat next to her on the couch. Howard said he was fired up. Sofia said he was fantastic. She said it was exciting for her. She said that she thought he was very nice. Howard asked if she thinks about that now that all of this Cosby stuff is coming out. Sofia said nothing happened that day. She said he was very respectful like Howard was when she was on years ago. She said Howard didn't ask to see her boobs. Howard said he's working up to that.
Howard asked Sofia about getting older and if it's really that bad. She said that things are changing and things are getting flabbier. She said she wants to stay up with her boyfriend Joe Manganiello. She said he's 4 years younger than her. She said he keeps her motivated. Howard asked if she keeps the lights on in front of a guy like that. Sofia said that things happen. She said that the switch might be far away. Howard asked if she's going to marry this guy. She said that she probably will. She said that they've only been engaged for 4 months. Robin said she gets engaged almost immediately. Sofia said that she's irresistible. She said he got on one knee and proposed to her. She showed Howard the ring. Howard asked what the ring cost. She said she's not sure. She said it's 7 carats. She said that she got it insured and it was worth over $100,000.
Howard said he read that she's the highest paid woman in Hollywood. She said she's not sure that's true. She said that she knew she wanted to do something in show business and to create a brand. She said that she didn't know she was going to be an actress. She said that she had a lot of doors open for her when Modern Family was a hit. Howard said that show happens and then people discover her talents. Howard said now she's the highest paid woman in TV. Sofia laughed. Howard said that she never went to acting school once. She said she thinks that you do have to do that but not everyone has a pair of these. Howard said if you're flat chested you have to go to acting school. Howard said she gets paid $325,000 per episode. Howard said they were trying to figure out what that is per year but they weren't able to do the math. Sofia said they do about 25 episodes a year. Howard tried to do the math himself. He came up with a billion dollars. Howard said he can't do the math. It's too much.
Sofia said she never dreamed that she'd be able to do all of the things she's been able to do. She said that Modern Family opened up all of the doors for her.
Howard asked if Sofia ever amps up her accent. She said that she does. She said that she knows things now that make things funnier. She said that she learned that doing the show. Howard asked about meeting Ed O'Neil for the first time. Howard said she watched him dubbed on Married with Children. She said she didn't know that it was him. She said she grew up thinking he had an Antonio Banderas voice.
Howard asked if Sofia has a house. She said they just moved into a new house yesterday actually. Howard asked if her family are leaches. She said they are great and they do their own thing. Howard asked if she bought her mom a house. She said she did. She said it's hard. She said that money is not an issue thoguh.
Howard said Sofia is engaged to Joe now and she has a new house. Howard said she's the one who makes the money. She said they split everything half and half. Howard said that's what he was going to ask. She said that they split it all. She said that's the way they do things in Hollywood now. Howard asked if she told Joe that they could just be boyfriend and girlfriend before getting married. She said it was a surprise to her. She said she was super in love though. Sofia said she was getting ready for Christmas when he proposed to her. She said they were in Hawaii at the time. She said she proposed to her in Spanish so that was very nice.
Howard asked Sofia about the tongue kiss and if she likes it shoved down her throat. Sofia said it all depends. Howard asked if they made love after that. Sofia said those things might happen. Howard said that Joe makes passionate love to her after tat. Sofia said they should have filmed it. Howard asked if she has ever done that. She said no and asked if he's crazy. She said they can't risk it these days. Sofia said she's going to be 43 in July and it's not the right time for that. Howard said she's making it sound like she's an old bag.
Howard said he wants to say something. He said they're working their way to the movie ''Hot Pursuit'' which she did with Reese Witherspoon. Sofia said she's so pretty and tiny and wholesome. She said that she got to kiss her in the movie. She said she had never kissed any woman before but then she remembered she did that with Sharon Stone in a movie. Howard asked if she is into women in her personal life. She said she's not. She said Reese smelled so good and she didn't mind kissing her. She said that Sharon Stone smelled good too but she smelled more like ''musk.''
Howard asked Sofia about how she deals with other women wanting her man. She said that he doesn't flirt or anything. Howard asked if she ever gets crazy when other women talk to him. She said they both have to deal with it and they just look across the room to each other and assure each other that they're fine.
Howard said he is on Sofia's team in this embryo thing. Howard said that Sofia was engaged to a guy and they froze some embryos. They tried twice with a surrogate and it didn't work. He said they left some embryos frozen. Howard said they split up and Sofia didn't want anything to do with the guy anymore. Sofia said that a child needs parents that don't hate each other. Howard said that the guy should drop it and go out and find another woman and have a family with her. Sofia said that they signed papers and if this was so serious he should have taken it more seriously when they signed the papers. Howard asked if this is a way to pressure her into letting him have them. She said she doesn't know. She said nothing is really going on. She said that he's trying to break the contract. She said that she has a lawyer working on it. Howard asked if she fears that he'll get the right to plant the eggs in a surrogate. Howard asked if she's afraid that it will happen. Sofia said she's not afraid. She wondered what judge would let that happen. Howard said that he signed something at the moment and she's not worried. She said she's doing the right thing. Sofia said that she didn't do anything wrong.
Robin said that this is all coming up a year after she broke up with the guy. Howard asked what Joe thinks about it. Sofia said they try not to talk about it.
Howard asked about the wedding and where they're going to hold that. Sofia said they are going to do it secretly. She said that it won't be completely top secret but the place won't be outdoors. She said it's going to be indoors and everyone will be protected. Howard asked if a lot of celebrities will be there. She said yes. Howard said that maybe he should be there. She said it all depends on what he says after she leaves.
Howard asked if Sofia feels that the movie has to be huge. Sofia said that they produced it together. She said she and Reese worked on it together and they produced it. She said Reese's husband is her manager so that's how they got into all of that.
Howard asked if it's true that she got so into her acing that she shoved Reese so hard that she ended up in the hospital. Sofia said that she did shove her hard and she popped a cyst in her ovary or something. She said she was back to work the next day thoguh.
Howard asked how much money this has to make for her to be happy. Sofia laughed. She said she doesn't know exactly. Howard asked if she's going to watch the box office. Sofia said she thinks the movie is testing very good. She said it's something you can see with the whole family. She said the guys will like the making out and it's PG-13 so the whole family can see it. She said there are cars, guns and girls in it so it's for guys too. Howard said she knows if it makes a lot of money she can say goodbye to Modern Family. Sofia said she will never say goodbye to that. She said that they're in their 7th season and they can go 10 or more. Howard said she's got to be making syndication money now. Sofia said they are in syndication so she is getting that.
Howard asked if she likes to sleep nude. Sofia said she's not sure if she should answer that. She said she does like to wear socks. Howard said it must be so cute when she gets up to go to the bathroom. Sofia said Joe calls them bunny feet.
Howard asked who has bigger breasts Sofia or Robin. Sofia said she thinks Robin wins. Howard said everyone take their bra off now. Sofia told Robin to go first.
Howard asked what the promotion schedule is like for her. Sofia said it's crazy. She said that she is busy all day today and she has some event she's going to tonight. She said that is the Met Bowl.
Howard said Sofia did the Emmys and they spun her around to look like an Emmy. Howard said women became so angry over that. Sofia said it was just one woman. She said that she felt it was sexist. Sofia said she wrote it herself so it wasn't sexist. She said that they didn't trick her into doing it or anything. Howard said that you can't even have fun spinning around as an Emmy. Sofia said that part of the show is boring so they made it more fun.
Howard asked if the move is in 3D. Sofia said she doesn't need 3D. She said she already comes in 3D. Howard asked about her jewelry line. Sofia said that she knows what she wants and she designs it for men to buy for the women. She said that's the way it usually happens. She said that the men don't know what to do. She said they just want something pretty. She said they can go straight to her line and the women will like whatever they pick. Howard said that's available at Kay Jewelers. Howard said she has the movie coming out too.
Howard said this was fun. Sofia said that this coffee she had wasn't Colombian. Howard said it may have been grown in Jersey. Sofia said that she had to drink it because she can't sleep lately. She said she's been promoting this movie for a month and she's so busy she doesn't have time to sleep. Howard said they say that she's the 32nd most powerful woman in the world according to Forbes.
Howard asked if she can wear panties in a dress like that. She said of course she can. She said that it's fucking 10 in the morning so of course she's wearing panties.
Robin asked who her famous friends are. Sofia said that she loves Julie Bowen. She said that she's amazing. Howard said they always say that they're at each other's throats in the paper. Sofia said that's just not the case. Howard asked who she takes out to dinner with her. She said that she would take Julie and Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet. She said Ed too. She said that Ed doesn't like socializing too much though. She said she'd have to drag him out. Howard asked about other friends. Sofia said Arnold Schwarzenegger is close to Joe. She said that Arnold has a very lovely girlfriend. She said that she's hot but she won't say who it is. Howard told Sofia to calm down and talk to him. He asked about Arnold's girlfriend and how old she is. Sofia said she's a young, beautiful woman. She said that Joe is close with them, not her.
Howard pretended to turn the microphone off and asked about the girlfriend. Sofia played along and asked Robin how she deals with this asshole all the time.
Howard asked Sofia about going to the White House with the cast of Modern Family. She said they did that and they got a tour of the White House. She said that they all got to go into the Oval Office. She said that the kids are big fans of Modern Family. Howard asked what she said to Obama. Sofia said that she called him Mr. President and said hello. Howard asked if that's all she said to him. She said he has more important things to do. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he would find time to talk to her. Howard said Sofia is so delightful.
Sofia said about 3 weeks ago she saw Howard's movie ''Private Parts.'' She said that he had some weird wigs on during that movie. Howard said he would do the radio show and then he'd have to shoot from 1 in the afternoon so they used wigs. He said it was crazy. Sofia said he should do another one. Howard said maybe with her and Reese. Howard said he can be the last guy on earth and they have to repopulate the earth. Howard asked if she would do that with him. Sofia said of course, who wouldn't. Howard said he would come into the room and have sex with the two of them. Sofia said it sounds super classy.
Howard gave Sofia a plug for the movie and asked where she's going now. Sofia said she's going to do some other show on Bravo. She said she has to do more press and then the Met thing. Howard said that Joe is naked in this Magic Mike movie. She said that he does show his penis. Howard said he must have a big one. Sofia said she guesses so. Howard said he's very brave to show it. Sofia said she can't talk about this. She said the new Magic Mike is so much better than the first one. She said that it's more for guys than the first one. Howard asked Robin if she saw Joe's penis in the first one. Robin said she did not. She said they wore G-strings in that one.
Howard asked if there was a real Juan Valdez. Sofia said that's how they pick coffee in those outfits and stuff. Howard said he wanted to be that guy. Howard said he wanted a burro. Howard asked if she's the biggest star in Colombia. Sofia said that she's not. She said that Shakira is.
Howard asked Sofia about Joe's penis with the microphone off. Sofia said it's humongous. She told Howard he's horrible. She said that now all of the press will be about her talking about Joe's penis. Howard asked how long she waited to be his lover when she started dating him. Sofia said she knew they were going to have something when they started dating. She said that it was quick. Howard guessed it was that night. Sofia just laughed. She didn't answer.
Howard asked how she met Joe. Sofia said that she had talked to him on the phone for a while. She said that she sent out a press release when she was done with the other guy and Joe tracked her down through other people. She said that she told him that it was too soon. She said that it was like the body was still not cold. Howard said Joe got the press release and guys started calling. Howard said they had talked on the phone for awhile so when they got together for the first time it must have been wild. Sofia wasn't giving details. Howard wrapped up and wished her luck with the movie. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has the clip of Sofia Vergara on Letterman's show when Bill Cosby was sitting in for him. Howard played the clip and Cosy was talking about how she was making him feel very excited. Sofia asked him not to die but then she might be very famous if he did. Cosby said he would have died because of what he was thinking. Howard goofed on Cosby for a few seconds and said that was pretty creepy.
Howard said he has to play a phony phone call and then get into the news. Howard played a prank call the guys made to a pet store with a Mitt Romney impersonator. Howard said that was a little fun with their Mitt Romney. Robin said that's their impersonator. Howard said he thought that was the real guy.
Howard corrected himself on the pronunciation of Ryan Phillippe's last name. He said he was saying it the wrong way last week. Howard said he has to apologize for that. Howard said they came up with a Wack Pack game where they gave Tan Mom something to pass on to Jeff the Drunk but that's as far as it got because Jeff and Tan Mom got into an argument. Howard played the clip where Jeff and Tan Mom started arguing as soon as she got on with Jeff. She told Jeff to go fuck himself and Jeff said ''Goodbye cunt!''
Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked what's with him and Tan Mon. Jeff said she's just a bitch. Howard had more audio from behind the scenes where Shuli was trying to get them to play the game. Tan Mom was rambling about Bruce Jenner and the Baltimore riots. Jeff asked what the message was and called her a bitch. Then Tan Mom told him to go fuck himself.
Howard asked how that all started. Jeff said she's just an awful human being. Jeff said that he hated her from the first time she started talking to him. Howard had Shuli in to talk about that. Shuli said that he had to deal with the Wack Packers individually around the Birthday Bash. He said that when you put them together then you realize that some of them hate each other. Howard said Gary and Wendy the slow adults have a problem with each other too. He said they started a fight with the ''pass the message'' game. Shuli said it fell apart right from the start.
Howard played a clip of Wendy and Gary trying to play that game. Howard asked how long it takes to put those games together. Shuli said it can take a half hour to an hour. Howard had a clip of Shuli giving the message to Nicole Bass and had her pass it along to Gary the Conqueror. Nicole said that she was going to pretend to be Ryan Phillippe and passed the message along to him. Howard said he's not sure why she did that. Shuli wasn't either. He said he kept it simple but she complicated it. Howard thanked Shuli for coming in and moved on to Robin's News.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who said he wanted to ask Sofia a question but he also threw it out there that Elisa apparently had sex with another guy. Howard said he thinks Benjy isn't going to talk about that. Benjy did talk though. He said he loves Elisa and he was constantly nagging her to change. He said he made a big mistake. He said he should have just gotten married. He said he knew he wanted to marry her. He wanted to make things perfect first though. Benjy said they'll see what happens. He said he wishes her the best... and Ham Hands too. Howard said Benjy is evidently in a lot of pain. Benjy said it's exciting too because he can become a new man. Howard went into a live commercial read for Trojan lubricants after that.
Robin read a story about how Ebola can be spread through unprotected sex for months after being exposed to the disease. Howard asked who is having unprotected sex at this point. Robin said quite a few apparently. Robin read about a man who spread the Ebola virus about 5 months after he had it. Robin said that the CDC is suggesting that all Ebola survivors use condoms for a long time after.
Robin read about more women coming forward in the Bill Cosby case. Robin had some audio of some people protesting Cosby and some audio of one of the women who just came out.
Robin read about the new royal baby and how the name was announced. It's Charlotte Elisabeth Diana. Howard said that he has some tape from the birth. Howard played the clip he played earlier that was a woman complaining about her ass hurting. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the new Star Wars movie merchandise coming out now even though the movie won't be out until December. Robin said she's wrong about that actually. Robin said they'll be out in September. Robin said that today is May 4th which is Star Wars Day. Robin said the toys go on sale on September 4th, not today. Robin said they're just announcing it today.
Robin read a story about some record contracts for some young people who put cover songs out on YouTube.
Robin read a story about Jamie Foxx getting criticism over his National Anthem performance at the fight this weekend. Howard said he heard the song and it's clear that the keyboard player wasn't with him. Howard said he thought it was innovative and good until Gary played it for him this morning. Robin said that Beyonce was there to see the fight so people were wondering why he performed the song.
Robin read about the fight as well. Robin said it was kind of a dud. Howard said that's what people are saying. Robin told Howard what she saw and how they think Pacquiao had a problem with his shoulder. Robin said people paid to see a fight though. Robin had some clips of Mayweather talking about the fight. She talked about the details of the fight with Howard too.
Robin read a story about the private jet backup at the Las Vegas airport. Robin said they say that Tom Brady came in at the last minute and they had a lot of trouble landing planes there. Robin read about some of the stars who showed up to the fight. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the family of Freddie Gray saying they're shocked about the officers involved in the killing of their son are being charges so quickly. Robin had some audio of a family member talking about that. Robin said that the Baltimore mayor is on the firing line too. Robin had some audio of the mayor talking about the riots in the city and correcting some people on something she had said that was taken out of context. Howard said the police are our last line of defense. Robin said if you don't have that then you have anarchy. Howard said something fishy went down with that guy in the police van. Howard said it seems like he was treated in a horrible way. Howard said he's very pro-police but this isn't right. Howard gave the details of the case as he knows it. Howard said the kid didn't do anything illegal but he saw a cop and started running for no reason. Howard said they found a switchblade on him and that's a legal thing to have. Howard said the kid was shackled and he wasn't seat belted. Howard said his requests for help went ignored. Howard said he wasn't belted in and something bad happened to him and he didn't get medical help. Howard said you can't deny that. Howard said the issue we have to wrestle with is who is going to become police officers. Howard said he's all for having body cameras but there are some areas that are high crime. He said the problem is that there can be over policing. Howard said these guys are under such pressure and they're so nervous. Howard said they just had a cop shot there in New York for pulling someone over. Robin said one problem is that they cut budgets for community outreach and that isn't helping things. Robin said when they lose their credibility that's when things go the wrong way and riots start. Howard said he doesn't want to debate this all day. He said you can get that on the news channels.
Robin read a story about a contest they had in Texas where they were drawing Mohammed. Robin said that ISIS is taking credit for a shooting at the contest. Robin said that two men open fired on the building where they were showing the art. Robin said the police shot and killed the two men who open fired. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how there is no reason to stand for an attack like this. Howard said this is a good way to find terrorists actually. He said we need more events like this to draw them out. Howard said all he draws are flowers and landscapes. He said he can't get in trouble for that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton holding a contest to call some mothers on mother's day. That led to Howard doing an impression of what that would sound like if she called his mom.
Robin read a story about De La Soul getting back together after a Kickstarter campaign helped them raise money to do another album.
Robin read about the toll of deaths in Nepal being up to 7,000. Robin said they are giving people from Nepal who are in the states the ability to stay until their country is restored. Robin said they found a 105 year old man buried in rubble for days. Howard said that makes you wonder why he was spared and not someone who had their whole life ahead of them. Howard said it makes you question the universe. Howard said it's late in the show and he has to pee so bad. He told Robin to forget it.
Robin read about the Kentucky Derby and how Tom Brady flew there and then to the Mayweather fight. Howard wondered how he affords that. Robin said he must be making over 100 million a year.
Robin read a story about the controversy over the song Blurred Lines. Robin said that the story isn't over because they're asking for a new trial.
Robin read about Taylor Swift being in Tokyo for some tour dates. Robin said that a lot of people showed up at the airport when she got there. Howard said she's so cute. Robin said she was causing such an uproar that it may have delayed two flights.
Robin read a story about the movie Avengers: Age of Ultron kind of falling short at the box office. Robin said it made close to $188 million though. Robin said it's still running overseas so they're up to over $600 million worldwide. Howard said the bar is set so high. Howard said he can't even remember the plot of the first Avengers movie. Robin reminded him about that. Robin read the rest of the box office news and ended her news. Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said that they'll reveal the results at the end of the program. Jon said Bobo told Howard he didn't sell the tickle chair but he did sell it. He said Bobo was kind of rattled there. He said if you're a superfan of the show you don't sell that chair no matter what the offer is. Jon said he was surprised that Bobo sold the chair. He said he doesn't think this one would be sold. He said it really did surprise him that he sold it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Bobo had to move but the thing is that he really sold it to get money to take his kid to Disney. He said that's not what he told Howard today. Jon asked if it hurts his fandom. The caller said he hates that bald asshole and he's not a real fan. Jon said he powered through his illness today. The caller said he's an obsessive psycho. Jon said he doesn't think that takes away from his passion for the show. The caller said Howard's chair should be auctioned off for North Shore Animal League. Jon said that's a good idea. He said he thinks Bobo was a little off today.
Jon said that Howard will be making his last Letterman appearance next Monday on Letterman. Tonight they'll have some old footage of Howard on Letterman. He said it should be interesting. He said Vinnie was very fired up about that today. Jon said that Vinnie has been in the business for a long time and the special he put together should be interesting. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Vinnie is putting on this show for CBS and David Letterman tonight. He said they put it together in a matter of two weeks. Jon said it has to be a weird vibe there with Letterman wrapping things up and the new crew coming in after. Jon said when Vinnie called in today he thought he did a good job talking about Dave and Howard. He said that Howard is going to try to have a real conversation with Dave when he goes on the show next week.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she was happy to hear Vinnie on the show today. She said she loves that he ran to the phone too. Jon said it is always great to hear from Vinnie. Jon said that he has been busy with his musical and with Dave's show coming to an end. Jon said that it is nice to hear someone you haven't heard in a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think that Bobo should get the chair. He said Mariann is the bigger fan who would appreciate it. He said he thinks Bobo has gotten enough love over the years.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered what the process is of getting a guest like Sofia Vergara. Jon said there are a bunch of ways they get guests. He said she's out promoting and Howard is interested in her. Jon said he thought she was really good and she revealed a lot of good stuff. He said he thinks she was really happy with the interview too. Jon said he hopes they see more guests like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said forget Howard chair, he wants Sofia's chair. The caller said that he doesn't think Bobo deserves that chair. He said that chair belongs in a broadcasting museum. He said that it is a piece of history. He said it's also a piece of furniture that his ass has touched.
The caller also said that he likes hearing Howard reaming people over their phone connections. He said that he's not sure they need Howard to do something crazy to Letterman on that last show. He said they're just going to enjoy the show and what they're saying.
Jon said he agrees with the Letterman thing. He said it's going to be fascinating. Jon said he doesn't think that Bobo's fandom should be questioned. He said that he is a dedicated fan. Jon said he may not deserve the chair because of that but you can't knock his fandom.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard's chair should be in the Smithsonian. He said that he has shaped TV and movies and that chair is part of history. Jon asked if you put in the chair or the megaphone or the microphone? The caller said it should be everything. He said the guy has shaped everything. He said that Howard has done more than anyone else ever could in the entertainment business. Jon said he thinks Howard's chair in there isn't so far fetched. Jon asked Rahsaan if he thinks they could get that going. Rahsaan said they should have a whole section of Howard stuff in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Vinnie Favale really does. Jon said he is in charge of all of the late night programming on the East Coast for CBS. He said that he is the network liaison between Letterman's show and CBS.
The caller asked why they don't do something to Bobo in order for him to get that chair. Jon said they've done that before. He said he's not sure he'd make the trip up from Florida to do it. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sick of Bobo and Hanzi and guys like that. He said Bobo just doesn't get that people can't stand him because he's such a loser. He asked why Bobo would get that chair. Jon said he thinks Bobo thinks he deserves it because he calls in all the time and he contributes to the show. The caller said he was rewarded with the worst caller to the show title. Jon said that's true too.
Gary came in so Jon said that you can't knock Bobo for his fandom of the show. He said that the fans don't think he deserves that chair. Gary said no one is entitled to it. Gary said that he's not entitled to that chair. Gary said they gave him that tickle chair and Bobo sold it. He really didn't need to sell it. He said if he had given it to someone then maybe they could understand it. Gary said Bobo claimed he sold that chair because he couldn't bring it with him. Jon said they have to get to the bottom of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have to forget the chair. He said he thinks that Howard could legitimately be part of the Smithsonian. He said that he sees it as building a mock up of the studio. He said they should have a major display in the Smithsonian. He said he has a legitimate reason to be in there. Gary said he's not sure about the whole studio but he should be recognized. Gary said that his controversy may keep him out of there though. He said he thinks Howard should get the Kennedy Center Honors too. He said there are other things that he should be recognized for.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was able to see Sofia Vergara on the beach in a bikini a few years back. He said that there were people playing paddle ball and Sofia got up and the beach came to a complete stop when she got up. Gary said he's heard people say that when she walks into a room the whole room stops. He said that's what happened today when she came in. Gary said that he went back and looked at her Pepsi commercial from back when she was 17 and she was strikingly beautiful.
Jon said Sofia seemed to enjoy her time in the studio. Jon said that more and more stars are coming in and enjoying their interviews in there. Gary said he thinks people like to come there to talk about things where they can say their peace. He said that she realizes that the ex-boyfriend stuff can be covered there and she gets to give her side of it.
Jon said they talked about the anniversary of Gary's pitch. Jon said he gets why Gary regrets it but if it comes up you have to take it. Gary said Howard has a very different theory on it. He said he wonders why you put yourself in a position to not look great. Gary said he thinks it's okay to take chances. He said Howard isn't like that. Jon said he thinks it's a risk well worth taking. He said Howard is more calculated but he has taken risks with his career. Jon said that he still thinks looking back on it that it's good he did it. Gary said Jon must be the only one. Gary said he went to FOX 5 Local and their sports guy came down to see him and he was talking about that pitch. He said the guy said fuck everyone else because so many people wish they could have done it too. Gary said people just prefer to point fingers and goof on you. Jon said he thinks it's great he did it and maybe he'll do it again some day.
Jon asked Rahsaan how the poll results are. Rahsaan said that 63 percent of the people voted ''no'' for Bobo getting the chair. Gary thought that was kind of low. They ended the show around 12:00pm.
Howard started the show talking about the live version of the opening song ''Great American Nightmare'' that Fred was playing. Howard said he was thinking about changing the opening theme of the show and Rob Zombie got upset about that. He said he loves this song so he doesn't think he'd do it. Howard said that it does remind him of the nightmare of recording the song in the studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone he knows got an Apple watch yet. Howard said he has been trying to find out how it's selling because Ralph is a big fan. Howard said he's wondering who is wearing them. Howard said he's into every Apple product. He said he wants a new Macbook Air because he does a lot of work on the run. Howard said Ralph has been over a couple of times in the past couple of weeks with his watch. He said Ralph stares at it and puts it on different surfaces. Howard said Ralph doesn't really know how to work it. The caller said he has one too. He said you don't really ''need'' it. He said it's just there and his shit comes up on it. He said that he's not worried about the radiation like Howard is. The caller said they think the new iPad might have a stylus. Howard said that might be kind of cool. He said it's very hard to cut and paste on one.
Howard said every time he sees Jason he has a watch that does a lot of things and he's had it for 2 years. He said it's an Android watch. Howard said he told Ralph that and Ralph went berserk. He said the watch looks like shit and it doesn't do anything. Howard said Jason told him this morning that he can watch video on his watch and it's better than the Apple Watch. Howard said he has to get the two of them on to debate.
The caller said that people have asked if you can watch porn on it. Howard said Jason can do that remotely from his watch. Jason said he can take pictures with his watch. He said you can take video from it too. He said you can use the video camera on your phone and use it like a spy cam. He said that you can use it remotely too. Howard said he thinks Ralph can do that but it's limited. The caller said that you can do that with the camera. Jason said he can take pictures with his watch. He said you can't do that with the Apple Watch. Howard said that Ralph gets a text and he has to use the little dial to scroll. Jason said that his is all touch screen. He said his dad's watch had a touch screen on it. Howard said they have to wait for Ralph to wake up to get to that. He said he doesn't get up until 11.
Jason said he loves his watch for the calendar. He said he his wrist buzzes when he gets reminders. He said you have to have things to do and you have to set it up though. He said he's not sure Ralph does either.
Howard said Ralph is sleeping right now. He has no day. The caller asked if people can hear his watch buzz. He said the Apple doesn't. He said it just taps you. Jason said that the vibrating is something you get numb to.
Howard said it's so funny to hear people arguing about watches. He said he wears a watch but he doesn't think the Apple looks that attractive. Howard said it seems like a lot to fiddle with. He said you have to be super motivated to use it. Jason said he loves the set up.
Howard said he doesn't like the radio waves coming off these things. He said he doesn't want to get cancer from a stupid watch. The caller said he thinks he'll be okay. Howard said he wants to keep going.
Howard said he's sick over the cop who was shot in New York. He said the whole thing is so upsetting. He said he doesn't know how these guys do their job. He said it's so difficult. He said these situations go down in a blink of an eye. Howard said that they go down so fast that you don't even react. Howard said if your basic nature is that you don't want to hurt anyone you think long and hard before pulling your gun. Howard wondered how you know when to do that.
The caller said he lives hear Ferguson. He said it's really wild. He said people don't trust the police. Howard said you have to stay away from the police and do what they say. Howard said we have no better way of keeping order.
Howard said he's sick of people saying ''fuck the police.'' He said it's an epidemic. He said that if you say fuck the police then ''fuck you!'' Howard said there are a lot of bad white guys out there too and there are tough people who don't get society and they don't want to conform. Howard said the cops have to deal with them every day.
Howard said the job itself is very difficult. Howard said they don't even understand the complications out there. Howard said he was the captain of the hall patrols in school and even he had people throwing things at him. He said that he took his badge and resigned. Howard said he was a target.
Howard had Ralph on the phone so he let the caller go and got back to the watch argument. Ralph said he doesn't care about a schedule on his watch. Howard said that Jason has a watch that has a lot of features that the Apple doesn't have. Jason said he has the Samsung Gear 2 watch. He has video and a camera on his. Ralph laughed when he said he didn't want any of that on his watch. He said he can do a lot of stuff on his watch. Ralph said he uses it for reminders and controlling some things. He said he likes Apple Pay too. Jason said that he can't use Google Wallet on his so he has to give Ralph that one. Jason said he'd take his the way it is over the Apple. He said the Gear 2 costs way less than the Apple. He said it was $300 when it was brand new. Howard said this is the nerd version of Mayweather vs. Pacquiao.
Jason asked about the dial on the phone. Ralph said it's a digital crown, not a dial. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. Ralph said the first few days he couldn't stop using the watch but now he's used to it. He said it's great though because he can check his text messages on it and things like that. Howard asked how this thing is selling. Ralph said they're back ordered for a couple of months now so it must be selling.
Gary said that Jim McClure ordered an Apple Watch and they told him he wouldn't get it until June but he got it shortly after ordering it. He said it must not be selling as much as they think. Ralph said he thinks it's selling well. Ralph said he bought 3. Fred said they say that Apple sold more in one day than Android did in the whole year of 2014.
Howard asked Fred if he has a watch. Fred said he won't get one of them. He said he doesn't think it's necessary. Howard said Ralph is busy using the watch instead of the phone all the time. Ralph said he doesn't have to go into his pocket to do anything on the phone. Robin asked if you can listen through headphones with the watch. Ralph said that you can listen with a Bluetooth headset.
Howard said Robin doesn't even do email. Robin said she doesn't do it to them. Howard let Ralph go and played him out with ''Ralphie Cakes.'' Howard said they have to take a break. He said Brad Garrett is coming in. Howard said he's doing a bunch of cartoon voices these days. Howard said he has to be getting residuals from ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' Howard said they have to talk to him about that and other things. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's feeling out of it. He had to take a sip of water. Howard asked if they were playing U2. Fred said it's not. Robin said it's Coldplay. Howard said he wasn't paying attention.
Howard said that Brad Garrett has a new book out called ''When the Balls Drop.'' Howard said it's always fun when Brad comes in. He said he's an author now. Howard said he's talking about his balls dropping and hitting the toilet water. Howard said his don't do that yet. Howard said he has no play in that area. Howard said he figured Bread had a big penis. Brad said he doesn't. He said that after his 52nd birthday he got up to take his third wiz of the night and the pee stream is gone. He said he has like 4 different streams. Howard said he does. He said that he hardly has any pee at night. Howard said it comes out thin. He said sometimes it comes out in all directions. Brad said he sits now. Howard said he gets depressed sitting so he can't do that. Brad told Howard about how his balls hit the water in the toilet and how depressing that is. He said he's OCD with the cleaning so that freaks him out. He said that this started this whole aging thing in his head.
Howard said he got a urinal. He said he can stand up and pee. Brad said that's ingenious. Robin said not everyone can afford that. Howard said Brad can. He said Brad has half a point in Everybody Loves Raymond. Howard said they walked off the set for 2 weeks to get that. Brad said he and the rest of the cast have that deal. Howard asked if the cast ever thanks him for that. Brad said no but you don't do it for that. He said they were very gracious. Brad said they sat out and it was very strategic. He said that he got a call 3 days later and they were on the set. He said they decided to go in even though he didn't. Howard said he got them the half a point though. Brad said he did. He said he shit himself when they went in. He said it's a scary thing when the network calls and says you're in breach. He said they technically were. He said they were late in the series and he knew they wouldn't kill off his character.
Brad said Phil Rosenthal called him and said they told him to write him out of that week's episode. Brad said that he told him to just write him out. He said that's when he shit himself. He said Ray Romano understood that they had to do their own thing. He said that he told Ray it would be okay.
Howard said Brad was doing Everybody Loves Raymond and it was a huge break in his career. He said he had to audition for Les Moonves. Howard asked when the head of a network sits in. Brad said it's very rare. He said Les is a micro manager. He said they had Les and Stu from HBO there too. Howard asked if he was extra nervous. Brad said he's still nervous when he auditions. He said it's part of the job. Howard said you'd think that he wouldn't have to audition. Brad said you'd think so but he does. Howard said he gets the job on the show and then he meets Ray Romano the next day. He said he thought when he heard his voice that the show would never take off. Brad said he got on the phone and told his manager that they were fucked. He said he thought this guy was going to pull his car around. He said they never met on the road and he didn't know him. He said he was told that he was just fired from News Radio too. Brad said that Ray was Ray and that's what made him so relateable and lovable.
Howard said he was on Seinfeld once too. Brad said that he was and he had something to show them for the audition. Howard said he gets confused with Kramer too. Brad said that he does. He said it was yelled to him on the street the other day.
Howard said Brad is 6'8'' tall and he was made fun of by the kids in school. Brad said he was a mess. Howard said you'd think they'd be afraid of him being so big. Brad said he was a nebish and he was 6' tall at 12. He said that they'd think he could play basketball and he had to prove it.
Howard asked Brad about doing comedy early on. Brad said he saw Don Rickles and he was the best. Howard said he said things on TV that no one said. Brad said that he would make Carson cry with laughter. Howard asked if he has hung out with Don. Brad said he has. He said that his girlfriend is on the younger side. Howard asked how old she is. Brad said she's 31 but she looks young. He said Don walks right up to her and says ''Nice Brad... 12, 13?''
Howard said that Brad used to open for the old timer guys too. Howard said Brad started performing at 14. Brad said he did a lot of Bar Mitzvah's. He said that he used to do a tribute to Jimmy JJ Walker in blackface. He said it was hacky. Brad said he did that and Rodney and things like that. He said that he thought people thought he was JJ Walker and he put on black face for that. Howard said he's trying to think about what JJ sounded like. Brad did a little bit of the voice. He said he did half of his album as his act.
Howard said Brad can do a Bill Cosby impression too. Brad did some of that. Howard said his face takes on some of his features when he does that. Brad said you should see it in blackface. Howard asked if that's a thing he has to do to get into the character. Brad said it helps. Brad said he did the Tonight Show when Cosby was on once. He said they were both working in Vegas at the same time and Cosby asked him to fly to L.A. with him to do Carson. He said he took a private jet with him. Brad was doing an impression of Cosby while he was telling the story. He said Cosby asked about doing him in his act. Then he told him not to do it on the Tonight Show. Howard asked why he didn't want that. Brad said he has no idea. He said he wasn't sure if he was messing with him at first. He said that he said people love it but Cosby told him to be himself. He said he was going to close with that. Brad said 3 minutes in his set was death. He said it was beyond crickets. He said he had nothing so he got desperate. He said that he did Cosby as a pilot. He said he looked over and Carson was going through the blue cards. He said the audience went crazy.
Brad said he didn't get brought over to the desk. He said there was zero desk. He said he got nothing. Brad said that he was back stage and there was nothing. Then he had to get on the plane with Cosby again. He said he didn't get a word on the plane. Howard asked if he told him why he did that. Brad said he couldn't get into it. He said it was brutal. Brad said he got off the plane and he had a car waiting for him. He said that he thanked Cosby and he just gave him an ''Ah huh...'' Howard asked if he has ever been in touch with him since. Brad said no.
Howard said he would be a complete neurotic mess after something like that. Howard said that's such a horrible thing when someone is so nice to you. He asked Brad about the allegations against Cosby. Brad said when so many women come forward there must be something to it.
Howard said when Brad was doing impressions he'd do Jackie Gleason. Brad said he didn't really do that. He said he wanted to play him and he had to fight for that on CBS. He said Ray told him that they should have called that ''Jackie the NBA Years.'' Howard laughed at that.
Howard said he knows a guy who owns the Ralph Cramden uniform from the TV show. Howard said he saw it hanging on a mannequin and he touched it. Howard said he thought about what history that was.
Howard said Frank Sinatra introduced him as ''Greg Barrett'' once. Brad said he got stuck with that for a while.
Howard said he doesn't think people realize how much Brad has done in this business. Brad said he's worked hard and he's been lucky.
Howard said Letterman was the producer of Everybody Loves Raymond. Howard said he hasn't been on Letterman for years. Howard asked if he's persona non grata. Brad said it didn't go great last time he was on. He said that there is going to be such a hole in late night when Dave is gone. He said he watched the special last night and loved seeing Howard in 1984. Howard said he tuned in and saw himself taking his pants off and showing Dave his belly. He said he forgot all about that.
Brad told Howard that he went on Letterman and he told him about this thing he does to get people to stop bothering him by saying ''Do you like birds'' in a baby voice. He said that he did that for Dave and Dave didn't like it. He said one of the producers came over and asked him to cut the shit out with that. He said he came back from break and did it again. He said that didn't go over well.
Howard said he thought it was a funny bit. He played the actual interview clip from Letterman where he did the voice with Dave. Howard said he likes when people do things that are out of the norm like that. Brad said that many of these guys like to stick to the pre-interview questions though.
Howard said that Brad opened for Frank Sinatra but you can't be too good because they don't want the audience wanting them more than the singer. Brad said that's not likely to happen. He said they start screaming out ''Where's Frank?'' when he'd go on. Brad said there was one night when they told him that Frank forgot that he had invited him out to dinner. He said one night back stage he heard Frank asking who the big galoot was. He said that's when the told him that he was ''Greg Barrett'' right before he went out. He said Frank wanted Tommy Dreesen. Brad said they'd introduce him as Greg Barrett on stage and do it in a way that made it sound like he was just an add on. Brad said that his mom wanted him to tell Frank that they were introducing him as the wrong guy. Brad said that Frank loved comics and he was really good to him. He said it was later in his life though.
Howard asked Brad if he tells the story in his book about picking on someone in the crowd and it turns out to be John Gotti. Brad said this guy stood up and started dancing during his jokes. He said he was singing in a woman's ear and dancing. Brad said he called him Mr. Peanut because he had a top hat on. He said that Gotti was getting bigger laughs than he was with his comments back. Howard said those guys can get so crazy. Brad said they do love getting their balls broken though. He said if you can do that then you're okay.
Howard said Brad's book is out now. He said that he's going to be signing copies at Barnes and Nobel in Tribeca at 6 tonight.
Howard said Brad and Kevin Nealon did a gig once and they went to the club and the woman at the place didn't know who they were. He said Kevin just told the woman they were there to work on the pipes. He said that Kevin started working in the ceiling tiles. He said that the club owner took a minute to realize what was going on.
Howard asked if the years on Everybody Loves Raymond were the best years. Brad said it was great for everyone. Howard said Dave must even love him for that. Brad said maybe but he's not a bird lover. Brad said that it helps to be on a quality show with great writers. Howard said that he still has to audition and that's weird to him. Brad said he used to have an attitude about it. He said that he auditioned for Fargo and he got a part on that. He said he doesn't love the audition thing. He said that he felt with the Fargo thing that he was able to tap into that guy. Howard said he hates auditioning for anything. Brad said you do what you love and you're grateful for that.
Howard asked if you can take a class and learn to audition. Brad said no but there is a way to audition for a sitcom. Howard asked what he would do. Brad said that it's all about pace. He said you have to take the beats without slowing the script down. He said it's all about timing. Howard asked if most amateurs move too fast. Brad said they move too slow.
Howard asked about Brad losing his virginity at 14 to a 28 year old. Brad said his dad was such an incredible father that he set him up with that. Howard said his parents were divorced and his dad set that up. Brad said that he wouldn't do that with his son but his dad did. He said he looked 20 at 15 and the woman was beautiful. He said he was so nervous that he got undressed in the bathroom so she wouldn't see him. He said she must have been a hooker. He said she'd almost have to be. Brad said that her name was Elizabeth Ray and she had an affair with a politician. He said that she was a cover girl and she was in Playboy. He said it's all been down hill since then. Brad said that he only dated for a month until his mom said it was over. Howard said maybe she wasn't a hooker. Brad said that they did go out for a month. He said he was almost 15. Howard asked if he told his friends. Brad said he didn't. Howard asked if she knew he was 15. Brad said he never told her. He said that he was in Junior High and she picked him up in a brown Corvette. He said that she ended up going off with the politician. Howard said he remembers her name from that story.
Howard said Brad has a girlfriend who is 31 now. Brad said he met her at 24. He said she's a great gal. Howard asked if she'd be okay coming in. Brad said she's a crazy big fan. Howard had Isabella come in. Howard said she's some Isabella. Howard asked Isabella if she's in love. She said ''absolutely.'' Brad said that's where his half point is going.
Howard asked if they're going to get married. Brad asked if he's trying to ruin things for him. Isabella said she's happy where they are and she doesn't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married. She said she's fine with it the way it is. Brad said that he loves her but they don't want kids so there's no reason to get married. Howard asked if she would marry him if he asked. Isabella said she would but she knows that he doesn't want to be married. She said she doesn't want kids of her own.
Howard said he imagines that men are throwing themselves at Isabella. Howard said he heard Ronnie is all charged up over her. Isabella said she doesn't get that. She said she's with Brad all the time and she doesn't see it. Brad said she just doesn't see it. Howard asked if Brad worries about his love making. Brad said of course he does. He said he wants her to satisfy him. Brad said there are times when he has to tell her that this is the best it gets.
Howard asked if he has met her parents. Brad said he has and he's 5 years younger than her parents. Isabella said Brad is great with them. Howard asked if they make love in the parent's house. Brad said they're in the same room making butter. Howard said that some men take Viagra. Brad said he doubles up with the Cialis sometimes. He said he prefers that over Viagra. Brad said he needs that to jerk off. Howard said he jerked off last night to YouPorn. He said he didn't need anything. He said sometimes he can't get it going but most of the time he can and he's never needed Viagra. Howard asked when he takes the Cialis. Brad said he takes the daily stuff. He said that he's hard right now. Howard asked Isabella if she's insulted by that. Isabella said not at all.
Brad said that this is the first woman he's been in love with who loves her father. He said that he wonders why she's with him. He said that he wants her to soar and find her Ronnie. Isabella said that he says things for humor. Howard said that is one of the most gracious things he's ever heard. Howard said she just needs to turn around and see Benjy to find her true love. Brad said he would get it if she did that but it would destroy him. Brad said women run the world. He said it would kill him but she's that amazing. Howard said she doesn't want anyone else though. Brad said she has no taste. Isabella said he's incredible.
Howard asked Brad what fear he has of marriage. Brad said he always wanted out. He said he feels trapped. Brad said when Isabella moved in she said she hasn't going to move in unless she had a pre-nup. He said that his business manager thought she was sleeping with someone else because of that.
Brad said that if Isabella misses Howard she has to download the show. He said she's a big fan. Brad said he loves the show too but it's a little much.
Howard asked if Brad masturbates with the Cialis. Brad said he really doesn't do that much. Howard said this is very exciting. Howard gave him a plug for his book and asked how many cartoon voices he does. Brad said he's done quite a bit. He said he was doing that back in the 80s. He said he loves doing it.
Howard asked if he wrote his book himself. Brad said he did. He said it was 14 months and it was brutal. Brad said Isabella edited the book and she's an amazing editor. Howard asked if she works for Brad. She said she actually does. Brad said she works for his club in Vegas. Howard asked if Vegas is happening. Brad said it is. He said the family runs the business out there. He said when he's in Vegas he plays that club.
Howard asked if Isabella is going to be at the book signing. Brad said that she will be there of course. Howard asked if Isabella dresses up for Brad. She said she does that. Howard asked if Brad is a spanker. Brad said he does but then he has to apologize. He said that she'll tell him to put his back into it. Howard said he can imagine the spanking with that big hand of his. Howard asked if she brings other women into the room. Isabella said she would be too jealous. Howard said that would get confusing if they did that. Howard asked if they have had a threesome before. Brad said he did once. He said that it was very talkie.
Howard gave Brad some more plugs for his book and book signing. Howard said Isabella will be there at the book signing too. Howard said Isabella has an open door policy there. Howard thanked Brad for coming in and let them go after that.
Howard said he has to play more tape of Sour doing his Artie voice. Sour was doing his Jackie voice while singing the song. He broke into some jokes as Jackie too. Sour did his Jackie voice for a few seconds. Howard asked for Artie so Sour went right into his wheezy laugh. Sour did his Artie voice and talked about the food his mom cooks. Howard said goodbye to him but Sour broke into his Mad Dog Russo voice and talked to him about Gary's pitch. Mad Dog talked about being on Letterman and things like that.
Howard asked Sour if he does impressions of people in his neighborhood and things. Sour said he does. He said he does Ed and Lucy. He did some voices of people in his neighborhood. Howard asked if the Artie impression just comes out or does he have to practice. Sour did his Artie impression and said he just thinks about eating and it comes out.
Howard said Sour does a great Hanzi too. Sour broke into that voice too. He was doing Hanzi and Artie talking to each other. Sour was talking about Artie and Levy doing a show together and things like that. Howard asked him about the time he went overseas with Gary to entertain the troops. Sour told that story as Artie.
Howard said the funny thing is that the only voice he can't do is his own. Sour said he's working at Roy Rogers and he just got reprimanded for doing too many talk ups out in the dining room. Sour was doing Artie, Jackie and Gary all at once. Howard said he has to go. Sour asked him for a talk up of one song. Howard said he'll do that. Sour did his Gary voice and asked him to talk up an REO Speedwagon song. Howard did that and then Sour broke into the song.
Howard said Sour left a bunch of messages for Shuli. He played that audio and Sour was singing and doing his Crazy Alice impression. Sour did his Hanzi voice in another message. Then he calls in as Mad Dog and then an Artie voice in another one. Howard said they're perfect. He did a Shuli too but Howard didn't think that was great. Robin said his Hanzi is just okay too. Howard said that's a great one. They went to break after that.
Howard said he did see Gotham. The caller said this was the best episode they've ever had. Gary said it was the last episode of the season. Howard said it was fabulous. Robin said she has enjoyed the whole show this season but they say the finale corrects some of the missteps they've had. Robin said she didn't think they had any. Howard said he loves the show and it's one of the best on TV.
The caller said that he's not a comic book nerd so he's wondering if Fish Mooney is a character from the comic book. Howard said she was made up for the show.
Howard said there's an actor named Chad L. Coleman who was just killed off on The Walking Dead and he was on the NY city subway going on a rant about how he was on The Walking Dead. Robin said she didn't think he was killed off. Howard said he was. Howard said he'd like to talk to this guy. He said he wants to know what happened to him.
Howard played the clip of Chad talking about how he was on The Wire and The Walking Dead and he's wondering where the humanitarians are. He was yelling and saying that if you care then you fucking care. Howard said if you see someone doing that then you don't make eye contact and you just ignore them. Howard said that you want to look but you don't want to look. Howard said he used to ride the subway so he would see this going on and he'd try not to draw any attention. Howard said he would tell Robin that he'd use his metal briefcase to take care of the guy.
Howard played more of Coleman yelling and screaming. Howard said this is really weird because you've watched him week after week on The Walking Dead. Gary said that there is a fear of being called out for not paying attention to these guys. Howard said Gary gets singled out a lot when he's not paying attention. Gary said he and Fred took a subway ride once and there was a woman screaming like this. Howard said this is the weirdest kind of psychosis.
Howard said Jon Hein might know what Chad's explanation is for this. Robin said TMZ says that it was sparked by someone on the train using a racial slur to refer to him. Howard asked if that could be true. Robin said that might take care of it.
Robin said they said that he says he wasn't drunk and he was just riled up over recent events in Baltimore and things like that. Robin said he wasn't able to control his anger. Robin said he has apologized to the cast of the Walking Dead and his family.
Fred said he was on the subway with Mandy Patinkin and there was no screaming. He said no one said a word to him on the subway. Howard said he never gave a shit about that guy until he was on Homeland. He said he became a big fan of his. Howard asked if he still has the beard. Fred said he does. He said he looks huge on TV but he's not that big of a guy.
Howard said Sour Shoes is such a good impressionist. He said this guy Matt Jacobs does a dead on High Pitch Eric and a Jon Leiberman. Howard played a clip of Matt doing his impression of Jon talking to Eric. He sounds a lot like both.
Howard said that he has told Eric that if he passes away that he's going to have to replace him. He said they had Matt call Eric and tell him that he's going to replace him if he dies. Howard played a clip of Sal calling Eric and having Matt talk to Eric about replacing him if he dies. Eric told Matt he's going to live a long time and he won't be replacing him. The two Eric's went back and forth for a minute but the real Eric said he had a doctor's appointment to go to.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks. Sal said there's a great back story to this. He said they made the call 3 weeks ago and it took 3 weeks to get consent from Eric to play the call. Howard said he has to get Eric in there to talk about this. Sal said he's really concerned about Matt taking his position. Howard said maybe he'll get in shape. Sal said he loves it when Matt asks for stuff from Eric like Eric asks for stuff. Howard said Eric doesn't like being hit up for free stuff.
Jeff said that he's not being scammed. He said that this girl claims she's never heard of the Howard Stern Show. Howard said this girl wouldn't be into him. He said she's too hot. Jeff said it's a real girl and he gets messages from her all the time. Howard said Jeff should send her a shot of himself and one of where he lives. Howard asked why she sent him 50 bucks. Jeff said she knew it was his birthday. Shuli asked if he ever asked himself why something good is happening now. Jeff asked if he can come into the studio. Howard told him to bring her in there right now.
The guys were goofing on Jeff because he has no idea he's being scammed. Jeff said it's not a scam. He said she hasn't asked for anything from him. Howard said that if he has been scammed then he has to blow Shuli. Jeff said fine. Shuli said he's going to have to like it too.
Howard asked what they should make Jeff do if he's wrong. Jeff asked what he gets if it's right. Howard said he just hit the lottery if he's right. Howard told him to get her in there.
Howard asked Jeff who else he's in love with. Jeff said he's in love with a girl named Kirsten. He said she lives in Texas though. Howard asked why he never has a girl in New York who is attracted to him. Howard said it's like when he had to go to camp to get laid. Jeff said he's going to prove them all wrong. Howard said go ahead and prove it.
Howard said this guy has killed the enemy. He said he did it while chanting his name. Keith said he did that. Howard said he sent him a picture of a bomb with is name on it too. Keith said he doesn't remember that but he did chant his name when he was shooting.
Keith said there are people all over the country desecrating our flag and he's afraid he will do something if he sees anyone doing that. Howard said the great thing about this country is that we have the right to do that. Howard said that they have that right because of people like Keith. Howard told him not to do anything crazy. Keith said he won't but he would like to come down and see them again.
Howard asked Keith if he misses killing people like he does. Howard said it's been like a year for him. Keith said it's been 6 or 7 for him. He said he has issues but the VA hospital is taking care of that for him. Howard said it would be an honor to shake his hand. Howard said he will fist bump him though. Keith said he does the same. Howard said they'll get Robin on the Sybian and watch her. Keith said that would be the bomb. Howard said when he was in Nam he chopped off the hand of the enemy and he uses that to shake hands with people now.
Howard asked what the answer for the middle east is. Keith said he thinks we should build walls around this country and get everyone out. Howard asked how his love making is. Keith asked his wife. She said things are good. Howard asked Keith what he's going to do now. Keith said he's spending time with his kids and he's loving it. Howard told him to come see them sometime. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said that he took up painting and all of his paint brushes are made with the enemy's hair. Howard said that's how they rolled back then. Howard said when he runs out of hair he'll have to make a trip to collect more. Howard said those days were tough. He said he's getting flash backs now. Howard said his favorite color is blood. He said it's sort of crimson. Howard said it was crazy in Viet Nam. Howard said he remembers helicoptering into a village and they flew so low they gave the enemy hair cuts with the blades of the chopper.
Howard played a clip of Mariann at an Eli Braden concert. Howard said she sang a Cheap Trick song. Howard said he feels for the audience there. Howard said Eli is pouring his heart into the song and Mariann is ruining the song.
Howard took a call from Monotone Matt (AKA Matt from California) who asked if Howard makes it to his dad's age will he just let himself go. Howard said he has fantasies. He said that his dad is very controlled about what he eats actually. He said he won't eat after dinner. He said he won't have dessert. Howard said they both have good weight. Howard said he was gaining weight and he was having some fish balls instead of meatballs. Howard said he was going to have 4 but he stuck to 3. He said that he ate all green vegetables. He said he wants more. He said he wants to eat a tub of it. Howard said Beth eats away at pasta and he has like one strand. Howard said he has a belly and it's just not fair. Howard said he's watching himself but it's not fair. Howard said he dropped 4 pounds this week. He said he wasn't able to zip his pants up.
Howard said he went out and got size 34 pants and he has no room in them. Howard said he needs a 36. Howard said he's locked in at 34 though. He said he bought a ton of stuff. Howard said he doesn't have time to shop so that's it. Howard said at the end of the day it's torture to care about his looks with this face he has. Howard said every day he looks like shit so he's not sure why he cares. Howard said he might as well be fat and look like shit. Howard said each picture is worse than the next. Matt said he thinks Howard looks good. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said something that's making him crazy is that Oprah called the mom who got her son off the street in Baltimore. Howard said that smacking him around isn't great mothering but Oprah apparently odes. Howard played a clip from Inside Edition where they called the woman the mom of the year. Howard said if she was the mom of the year the kid wouldn't be down there rioting.
Howard said everyone is taken with the idea of JD going to finishing school. Robin said she was all for it. Howard said he watched JD eating and he doesn't know how to hold a fork. Howard said he has a clip of what JD would sound like in finishing school. The guys put together a bit where they had a teacher teaching how to say things the right way and they had JD mumbling and getting it all wrong.
Howard played a prank call they made to a restaurant with a woman saying she has a large cat in her apartment so the delivery boy may need to bring a stick. Howard said the voice in that was Jenny Mollen who is married to Jason Biggs.
Howard said Ronnie had phone sex. Howard said they called this phone sex line and had him talking to this woman. Howard played some of it and Ronnie was asking the woman to remove her teeth and things like that for oral. Howard said that voice he puts on is really creepy. Howard played more of that and goofed on the way Ronnie was talking about putting Polident on his cock for her gums to stick to it. Howard said that was actually Kathy Jones who has done old lady porn.
Howard asked if Ronnie met that woman. Ronnie came in laughing at the clip Howard just played. He liked that the guy called her an ''old fucking hag.'' He said that's great. Howard asked if he was attracted to her. Ronnie said she must have been hot in her day. He said she doesn't look bad now.
Howard asked if that's Ronnie's real sex voice. Ronnie said maybe it is. It's possible. Howard said that he has a clip of Ronnie screwing up something in a recording session. Howard played a clip where he screwed up saying ''Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of company B.'' Howard let Ronnie go and then went to break.
Howard played a clip of Riley talking about how Jesus was there and he knew about these extraterrestrials. Riley said if it was not so he would not have told them about it. Riley said he saw him and met him in time travel. He said he looked upon his face. Riley said he was about 6' tall and about his complexion. He said it looked like he could take care of himself. Howard asked what that music was playing behind Riley. Robin said that's the Bullshit song.
Howard said there are people who buy into his bullshit. Howard said it keeps growing and growing. He said saying you met Jesus is really out there. Howard said that he keeps coming up with new stuff.
Howard said Joey Boots got in a Baba Booey on the CW11 there in New York. Howard played a clip from the news where Joey got it in during their live broadcast the other night in Union Square. Howard said you have to have balls of steel to do that. He said it's crazy stuff.
Howard said they called Tan Mom and asked her about Bruce Jenner. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom talking about how appalling she finds that whole thing. Robin said she's shocked that Nicole Bass and Tan Mom are against Bruce Jenner. Howard said you'd think that Angry Alice would be angry about it but she's the tolerant one. Howard played some audio of Alice talking about what she thinks about Bruce and she was talking about how she's all for it.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is back on the phone. He wanted to read the conversation he's had with this girl. Howard said he doesn't care. He got Jeff on and said this girl isn't looking for dates on the internet. Jeff told Howard what she said today. Jeff said he wanted to tell them that she's his bitch. Jeff said that she told him to go ahead and do it. Jeff was reading the conversation but he was slurring through it. Howard asked what kind of girl is going to say ''I'm your bitch.'' Jeff said he asked what she does and she's a CAD designer. Jeff told Howard more about what he said and read each line. Howard said this has been going on for 3 years. Howard told Jeff to bring her in there and he'll prove what's going on there.
Howard was going to let Jeff go but Jeff said that he wanted to thank Haim for bringing him to see Eli Braden. Howard said he really is a bore. He hung up on him and did an impression of him reading that boring conversation of his.
Howard said yesterday they revealed that Tan Mom and Jeff don't get along. Howard said they were talking and wondering who High Pitch Eric would say he hates. Robin said Wendy. Howard played a clip of Eric saying that he doesn't like Elephant Boy. He said he made a promise to him not to say anything about him on Twitter and he did it anyway. Howard said he didn't know all of this was going on behind the scenes.
Howard asked who Gary the Conqueror doesn't like Robin said Wendy. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about Wendy and why he doesn't like her.
Howard asked who Angry Alice hates in the Wack Pack. Robin said that it must be Tan Mom. Howard played a clip of Alice talking how she doesn't like Gary the Retard. She said that he's ignorant. Howard said imagine hating Gary the Retard. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said Gary doesn't know what he's saying. Shuli said that Gary said something about what she said once and that has stuck with her.
Howard played another clip of Tan Mom talking about how she doesn't like Jeff the Drunk. Shuli said it's funny that she's upset with someone who is drunk.
Robin asked Howard if he found out that one of his kids had killed another kid in the neighborhood, what would he do. Howard asked why they were killed. Robin said because they were jealous. Howard said the right answer is that you'd turn them in. Howard said maybe that's too severe. Howard said maybe no TV for a month. (Spoiler Alert) Robin said on the finale of Secrets and Lies it turns out the murderer is Ryan Phillippe's daughter. Robin told Howard what happened on the show. Howard asked if Ryan is off the show now. Robin said she's not sure. She said that he did tell them that the show would go on even without him.
Robin read a story about a senator who was pulling strings to get his son hired. Robin said he was trying to help him get commissions in real estate deals too. Howard said that he once said to his dad that maybe he could work with him and his dad had no desire for that. Howard said his dad did help him find a job but not with him. He said he went in to meet with the guy who was running WKTU. He said that guy told him he couldn't be an announcer with that voice.
Robin read a story about Lawrence Taylor Jr. being sentenced to time in jail for child molestation and statutory rape. Robin had the details about the kid having contact with a 13 year old girl in 2013. Robin said that his dad was also charged with patronizing a 16 year old prostitute.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked Howard to please stop Robin from ruining TV shows. Robin said it's Tuesday and the show was on Sunday. Ralph said that there is no point in watching the show now. He said he hasn't seen that show. Howard said Robin really does have to stop doing that. Ralph said things live on Netflix and things like that. Robin said then you can never talk about anything. Ralph said she wants to ruin things and she's very passive aggressive. Ralph said he should have hit the button on that. Howard said he wasn't thinking. Robin said he still doesn't know the details. Robin said she knew the outcome because she watched the Australian version of the show. She said she's been sitting on that for a long time. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Boston bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and how they're still in the sentencing phase of that trial. Howard said he deserves the death penalty. Robin said they say that he only cries when his family is talking about him. He doesn't get upset when the families of the people who were killed were on the stand. Robin said someone said he was a kind boy. Howard said the 8 year old boy he killed at the marathon was a kind boy, not this guy.
Robin read a story about the guy who killed some people in a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. Robin said that James Holmes was the guy who did the shooting. Robin said they have audio of the Holmes asking if any children were hurt in the shooting. Howard said they have to get better microphones after hearing the audio of him being interviewed after the shootings.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult who said her sister just had a baby. She said she's an aunt again. Howard asked if the child is of normal intelligence. Wendy said she is. Howard asked who she baby sits. Wendy said she does that for her sister, her sister's husband and her brothers's kids. Howard asked how many kids she's an aunt to. She said 3. Howard asked how old the oldest one is. She said there's a 12, 8 and a new born. Howard asked at what point they are smarter than her. Wendy said ''yes.'' Howard asked when they were smarter than her. She said third grade. Howard asked if she's an aunt when her sister has a baby and if she's an uncle when her brother has one. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she is jealous of Beth. Wendy said yes. Wendy said yes to everything Howard asked.
Howard asked if she would be able to satisfy him in bed. Wendy said yes. She said she'd need practice. She said she's been single all her life. She said she has had men fight over her though. Howard asked if she is ready to make love to him. Wendy said yes. Howard asked what she would say to him in bed. Wendy said she would say ''Give it to me Honey.'' Howard asked if it's true she put a tomato up her pussy. Wendy said she did because she was bored. She said she also stuck a bowling ball up her ass. Howard asked if it went in her ass. Wendy said it did. She said they have smaller bowling balls there. Howard asked if she moved her bowels on the bowling ball. Wendy said she did. Howard asked if she will tell her grandchildren that she did the bowling ball. Wendy yelled out that she sat on a bowling ball. Howard asked what her favorite feature is. Wendy said she likes when Howard tries to move it. Wendy yelled at her cats for sitting on her bed. She said she can't sit down. Howard asked if she understands that they don't understand her. Wendy said she did not know that.
Howard asked if Wendy is ever naked in front of the cats. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she walks around the house nude. She said she walks around in her diaper and shirt. Howard asked if she has a diaper on now. She said yes. Howard asked if it is soiled now. She said yes. Wendy said it smells like diarrhea and number 1. Howard asked Wendy about the dirty diaper and why she doesn't change it. Wendy said she plays Xbox and she doesn't want to. Howard asked if she likes to smell her own diarrhea. Wendy said she does. Howard asked if she ever sticks her hand in there. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if there is doody on her hand. Wendy said yes. Howard said that the Xbox thing must get dirty. Wendy said it does. Howard asked if she ever sticks the joystick near her ass. She said yes. She said she has stuck that in her ass when she's bored. Howard asked if she has ever played a game with the joystick in her ass. She said she plays Mortal Combat with it in her ass.
Howard asked Wendy if her mother has ever passed out from the smell of her diaper. Wendy said she has. She said she tells her to go change it. Howard asked if she's ever had flies attracted to the dirty diaper. She said she has. She said love bugs and flies. Howard asked if she has ever vomited from changing her own diaper. Wendy said yes. Howard said this is some interview. He asked what she's been eating. She told Howard about some of the crap she eats and Howard said that does make for a stinky diaper.
Howard asked Wendy when she changes her diaper and it's been a full day of diarrhea, does she look at it to find the food she ate. Wendy said she does. Howard asked her to take it of now and tell him what she sees. Wendy said she sees number 2. Howard asked if she can recognize anything. Wendy said she sees cheese. Howard asked if she has ever eaten anything out of it. Wendy said she has. Howard asked if she washes the doody off. Wendy said she does not. She said it tastes just as good. Then she said it tastes better. Howard asked if it's true she survived for 11 days on a diaper. Wendy said she did. Howard thanked her for the call and congratulated her for being an aunt and an uncle.
Howard was going to let her go but Jon Leiberman came in and said he spent a week with her about a year ago. He said she sleeps with food so she can eat during the night. Howard said that Jon knows that you have to watch your weight. Jon said they went bowling with her and she ordered two bacon double cheeseburgers. Howard asked Wendy if she's worried about a heart attack. Wendy said no. Jon said one positive is that she's actually spending less on food and more on lottery tickets. Howard said that's good in a way. Howard said that lottery is helping her.
Howard asked Wendy about the lottery tickets and if she's worn a dirty diaper to get them. She said she has. She said that she has won too. She said she won $1000. Jon said she won that but that was after spending $4,000. Jon said Wendy's mom wasn't happy and threatened to kick her out for that. Wendy said she did. Howard said most people wouldn't admit to eating out of a diaper. Howard told her not to do that because it can be a risk to her health. He let Wendy go after that. Howard said it would be such a great bit to marry Wendy for real and show up to events with her. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin wondered when Wendy started wearing diapers. Howard said that started a couple of years ago. Howard said Wendy loves life. Robin said she has been depressed like when the power goes out. That led to Fred playing some clips of her screaming about her power being out.
Robin said she's sick of seeing Amal Clooney. Howard said he loves it. Howard said Robin is going to ruin it. Howard said he wants to know what they're up to.
Robin said they say that Robin Thicke was seen making out with his 20 year old girlfriend. Robin said he was blocking the aisle on a plane making out while passengers were trying to get on. Robin said that he seems to be doing okay.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if he has ever seen a movie that disturbed him as a kid that bothers him now. Howard said the Exorcist bothered him in college. Howard said as a kid he saw Barberella. Howard said that was kind of crazy. Howard said nothing really haunts him from childhood.
Howard said one thing from his childhood haunts him. He said this old man came walking into their back yard once and the guy was mumbling ''Help me'' or something. Howard said he ran into the house and told his mother about it. He said it was weird. He said his mom came out and figured he was an old deaf guy or something and she gave him something to drink. Howard said the other thing that haunts him is when his mom made him work at the Roosevelt Cerebral Palsy center. He said this guy got upset with him for not understanding him. Howard said the guy got really upset and fell over in his chair. He said he thought he had killed the guy. He said he ran out of there and never volunteered again. Howard said they threw him in with the toughest case. Howard said you don't do that to a kid. Howard said they didn't prepare him for that at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves Uncle Wendy but that diet of her's scares him. Howard said it's hard to get her to understand what she's doing to herself. The caller said the Brad Garrett interview was amazing. He said he had no idea about his past and what he had done. He said he learned a lot. Howard said he's a great guest on the show. Howard said that story about Bill Cosby was something. He said that he's a real talent. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Ben Carson going after the republican nomination. Robin had some other details of people who are seeking that nomination. Robin mentioned Mike Huckabee and that led to Howard talking about how he used to watch his show all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who did an impression of an Indian convenience store owner having Wendy coming into his store. Howard thanked him for that and quickly let him go.
Robin read a story about teachers and that got Howard thinking about his teachers. Howard was able to name a bunch. Howard said it's funny how you don't forget those names. Robin asked if he had any teachers that inspired him. Howard said he didn't get it back then. He said he wishes someone would have explained the world to him. He said he didn't know what he was doing there in that school. He said he just dreamt of radio. Howard said he wanted one of those hot teachers that bangs their students. Howard said that's who he wanted. Howard said they had a student teacher who was so hot. He said her name was Mrs. Weinstock or something like that. Robin named some of her teachers too. Robin said today is teacher appreciation day. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how important it is to remember those teachers who made a difference in our lives.
Robin read about Manny Pacquiao and how he could be facing surgery and a possible suspension because of his injured shoulder. Robin said they said on Friday that he checked ''no'' on a form asking if he had any injuries. Robin said he injured his shoulder more than a month before he lost to Mayweather.
Robin read a story about the mother of one of the two guys who was killed at the Draw Mohammed art contest blaming the other guy for her son's death. Robin had some audio of the mother talking about that. Howard said both of them did it and both of them are dead. What's the difference? Robin said that the two men were killed when they opened fire at this Draw Mohammed event. Robin read a story about the winner of the contest and how he's upset about the freedom of speech being attacked constantly. He said they have the right to do this. Robin had audio of him talking about that. Howard said he has never drawn Mohammed and he never will. He said he doesn't want that attention. Howard said this isn't going to end well. He said maybe we should do away with all religion.
Robin read a story about the tribute to David Letterman that ran last night on CBS. Robin had a clip from the special where Ray Romano said his goodbyes to Dave.
Robin had some audio of President Obama on Letterman's show last night too. Robin said Obama took some time to discuss the tensions that are plaguing the country lately. Robin had some audio of that as well.
Robin read a story about home births being on the rise without doctors or midwives. Howard said that's scary. He said that you don't know what's going to happen. He said there is no equipment there to save the kids if something happens. Robin read about how the home births have risen 79 percent in recent years. Robin said it can be dangerous for the mother and child.
Robin said The Simpsons has been renewed for anther two seasons. This is season 27 and 28. Howard said he hasn't watched one whole episode. Howard said he may have passed it and watched for 3 seconds but that's it. Howard said he doesn't care about shows like that. Howard said he's just not interested in it. He said he knows it's brilliant from what people tell him.
Robin said that Chuck Schumer is asking for a detained student in North Korea to be released. Robin read the details about how he was arrested and detained after wandering into the country accidentally.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel bringing back Mash Up Mondays to his show. Robin said he had Imagine Dragons and REO Speedwagon mashed together as Imagine REO Speed Dragons. Robin had a clip of what that sounded like.
Robin said Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea collaborating on a song. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said it sounds like Iggy's other song. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon said he thinks that this poll is going to be one sided. He asked Jason what he thinks. Jason said that Jeff doesn't have much else going on. He said he's not really a fan. He said that people get on Bobo but at least he brings something to the show. He said the rest of the people just suck up the air like Hanzi and Jeff. Jon said he is called Jeff the Bore at times. Jon said if this is legitimate it would be the ultimate. Jon said he thinks that he could be their next Mante Te'o. Jon said Jeff does need some happiness in his life though. Jason said he would like to see that for Jeff. He hopes he gets laid.
Jon said he'd like to talk about Robin spoiling the secrets and Lies show. Jon said he thinks 48 hours is the right amount of time to pass for a show like that. Jon said the thing that pissed people off was the way she presented it. Jon said that it was a bit too much. Jon said 48 hours is enough time though. He said you have to warn people if you're going to spoil it though. Jon asked if she did the right thing. Jason said that he has given away a lot of endings for movies. He said Jon is a TV guy and he agrees with him. He said there is so much out there that's remakes from other countries and things. He said that he agrees with Jon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they should ban Robin. He said he just heard about that show and just started watching it. He said Robin ruined the whole thing for him. Jon said you have to draw a line somewhere. Jon said if she gave some warning about it then at least you can change the station. He said he doesn't think that she intended to spoil it. He said that's why Ralph was so upset about it. He said she should have given a heads up.
Jason said he was listening to Ralph today and he does nothing all day. Jason said he has worked so hard to get where he is and Ralph must have it figured out. He said he seems to have it pretty good. Jon said that it's sort of the Wack Pack way of thinking. Jason said Ralph has an Apple Watch. Jon said that Ralph has three. He explained that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's been maybe 36 hours since Robin spoiled that show. Jon said he was thinking about that so he's right. Jon said that he was trying to defend Robin but he can't do it now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Wendy the Slow Adult. He said he heard Howard asking her questions about her life and he says ''Right?'' after everything and he wonders if that's leading her on or what. Jon sad she does answer yes to about 95 percent of the questions. Jason said he thinks that she might be smarter than we think she is. Jon said that he thinks that Wendy was talking about what goes on in her Depends and some of that stuff might be pretty up front.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what this guy's problem is with Ralph. Jon asked Jason what his problem is. Jason said he's just speaking as a fan. He said he likes some Wack Packers and some others are a waste of space. He said that he likes Ralph on the air but he can't believe his life. He said everyone else tries hard as hell but not Ralph. The caller said he's jealous. Jason said maybe he is envious. Jon said Ralph does have a job and he makes a living. He said he has carved out a personality and a niche on the show. He said he's not cruising through but he may have a problem with the effort he puts into it. Jason said he wishes he could float through life like Ralph does.
Jon said that Jason Kaplan and Ralph were talking about watches today. Jon said people are wondering if he has an Apple Watch and he does not. He said he thinks it's best to wait for version 2.0 before getting an apple product.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was calling about Robin the spoiler. He said that she spoiled The Walking Dead a couple of years back. He said she has a history of doing that. He said she just can't keep her mouth shut. He said that at least she didn't spoil Gotham. He said they just keep letting it go. Jon said he loves TV and he doesn't get mad it someone spoils something out of excitement. He said if it's in a way that's like ''Haha, I saw it before you'' then he gets upset. Jon said he doesn't think Robin was trying to ruin it for anyone. Jon said that Robin watches more TV than he does. He said that's a heck of a lot of TV. Jason said he thinks that there is part of Robin that doesn't care that she's spoiling it for other people. He said it's very selfish to blast out an ending of something like that. Jon said he doesn't see that but she was saying that she saw the Australian version of the show. Jon said that there was a bit of that.
Jon said that Sour Shoes revealed that he's working at Roy Rogers. He said that they got to hear a bit of the voices he does. Jason said that he's so talented and he can't really harness that talent. He said now he's working at Roy Rogers. He said he just got into a dark place thinking about it.
Jon said Gary just walked in. Gary said he worked at a Roy Rogers. He said he thought they were all closed but there are a few left. Jason asked Gary what he did there. Gary said he worked the back line. Jason asked if the food was good. Gary said he thought it was at the time. He said the chicken was really good.
Gary said that they've learned that being a great impressions doesn't translate into a great career. Jason said it would be so great if they got Sour Shoes on the microphone at the restaurant. He said maybe he'll get a thing going there. Gary said his impressions are amazing. He said his Artie is just scary. Jon said many of them are scary. He said he gets all of the nuances. Jon said they had to take another break. He asked Gary about the spoiler thing with Robin. Gary said that he's not sure. He said maybe she should have waited until tomorrow morning. They went to break after that.
Gary said he wonders why Brad kept doing the bird thing with Letterman when he knows that they weren't into it. Gary said that it had obviously taken a while for Brad to get back on Letterman because Dave did mention that it had been 4 years since he was last on.
Jon asked how Howard would handle that. Gary said Howard would probably end the interview early in a nice way and never have the guy back. He said maybe he'd just ask the guy what he was doing and take it in that direction.
Jon said people were saying that Ronnie was all charged up in he hall about Brad's girlfriend. Gary said he's not sure where that came from. He said Isabella is a real fan and she did say to him that she was sorry about his dog. He said she really is a fan.
Gary said he thinks that Isabella was a little classy for Ronnie. He said that he seems to like the girls to have shorter skirts and that kind of look.
Jon said another story Brad told was about losing his virginity to that woman that they knew. Gary said they were all old references. He said take that part out he did hook up with a future Playboy playmate that his dad hooked him up with.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Brad sounds a little bit like Big Foot. Jon and Gary said they didn't hear that. He said he could probably do that voice thoguh.
Jon said that the poll today was about Jeff the Drunk. He asked Rahsaan how the poll results were. Rahsaan said that 84 percent think he is being cat fished. Gary said there has to be something past being cat fished. He said they're really going out of their way to make it work. He said they sent him 50 bucks. Gary said they do the cat fishing thing on Dr. Phil every week. Gary said there is some dude out there sending him pictures of a girl and Jeff believes it.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and some plugs for Jason's show before ending the show. They were done around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about how he was going to try to finish his breakfast. He asked if Fred and Robin ever get into that song ''Plowed'' by Sponge. Fred said he has. Howard had Fred play that so he could eat his breakfast. Howard said he has this song on his playlist. He said it's one of his favorites. Howard let the song play while he ate.
Howard said this song makes him want to cry. Robin said maybe it's the lyrics. Howard said it just creates a mood in him that makes him nuts. Howard said he thinks he's singing about the end of the world. Howard said he doesn't know what the lyrics are even though he doesn't know what they are. Robin said he must have known them at some point. Fred said ''world of human wreckage'' is pretty devastating. Howard didn't know what else he was singing about. Robin said if they shut up she'd be able to hear it. Robin said maybe in his subconscious he knows. Howard said he's also singing ''Say a prayer for me'' in the song. Fred said he's obviously drowning based on what he's singing. Howard asked if he's talking about being buried. Fred said he thinks so. Robin said there was something else but they were still talking.
Fred had another song to play for Howard. He played a cover of ''House of the Rising Sun'' by Five Finger Death Punch. Howard told him to play it but after 3 seconds he wasn't digging it. Howard said it has to get him right away or he's out. Howard asked Fred how he knows this one. Fred said he tries to find interesting covers. He said it was on the top rock songs of 2014. Howard said he's kind of digging it now. Howard said it's pretty cool actually. Howard asked Fred to send him that one so he can put it on his playlist.
Howard asked about Sponge and if that was their only hit. Fred didn't know. Gary didn't know either. He told Howard Steve Brandano is saying they had a song called ''Molly'' and another one called ''Gel'' that were hits. Howard had Fred play those. Howard wasn't liking those so much when he heard them. Howard had him play ''Plowed'' again. Fred said the band is still touring. Howard said it's just this one song. He said it's like that band Hum and that great song they had. He said they had just the one. Robin said that's why the Beatles are so great. Howard said she's right. Fred said Hum was doomed because of the lead singer's problems.
Howard said he's thinking about Letterman and going on next Monday. Howard said he has no idea what to say to the guy. Howard said he wants to say something meaningful to him. He said that he thinks Dave is flipping out actually. He said that he thinks he's fine but he's not. Howard said Dave doesn't have the emotional equipment to retire. Howard said he may become a Bruce Jenner. He said he may become a woman. Howard said that's the rumor. Howard said he's going from talk show host to woman.
Howard said this song Plowed is so great. He said that you have to look at the Stones and how they have so many great songs. He said like 80 percent of their stuff is great. Robin said there are some that only have one. Howard said Sponge needs a smack in the head. Fred said they're going to be playing in Queens soon. Howard said they should go to the show and just yell out the name of this one song. Howard asked what else they do after that song. Fred said he doesn't know. Howard said they should do an extended jam of this song. Robin asked if he'd go out of his house to hear just one song. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard said he watched Game of Thrones last night and he has no idea what's going on. He said they never do a group scene. He said he can't understand what's going on with that show. Howard said it's just boring. He said he's hanging in there because everyone is watching it. He said they're fucking up a good show. Gary said they watched the last scene and Mary said she had no idea what just happened. Howard said he has no idea what that was about either. Howard said he doesn't know half of the people and the Khaleesi has more clothes on than Robin does this morning. Robin said he has to stop with that. Howard said she should be taking her clothes off. Gary said they hardly take their clothes off at all. He said even the wife of the new king doesn't get naked like she used to. Howard said the girl who did take her clothes off is an older woman. Howard said he would fire that woman who plays the Khaleesi. Howard said she's a fine actress but she used to be nude. Gary said her body double is pretty hot.
Howard said Brad Garrett's girlfriend was really hot yesterday. Howard said he was looking at pictures of them. Howard said that she is hot. Robin said they've been together for 7 years. Howard said he has that move telling her to go find another guy. Howard said that guy is cock strong. Gary said she said she knows he doesn't mean that. Howard said his pimp hand is strong.
Howard said that there are pictures of her on HowardStern.com. He said Ronnie would say that she's ''fucking hot.''
Jon Hein came in and said he doesn't understand the problem with Game of Thrones. Howard said he thinks if they gave a quiz to anyone who watches that show they don't know half of the names of the people on the show. Howard said he doesn't even know the name of the dwarf guy. Robin said she doesn't know half of what's going on either. Howard said he knows Jon read all of the books. Jon said it's not about that. Howard asked who would read a book of that shit. He said he'd rather read the bible.
Jon said that there are a couple of things that are bothering Howard. Howard said that the nudity thing is part of it. Howard said they have to see some titty and ass. Howard said even cock is shocking. Jon said they do compensate for that with the brothel scenes. Howard said that's not enough. He said they have to do it with regular characters.
Jon said that Ronnie was saying he had the same rap with his girlfriend that Brad Garrett had with Isabella. Howard said he heard Ronnie and Brad were bonding over that. Howard said Brad asked Ronnie what he does. Ronnie was telling him that she should get a younger guy but she just needs it from him. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Ronnie voices and saying creepy sexual stuff.
Howard said High Pitch Eric was interviewed by Jon Leiberman yesterday and Eric has been approved for a service dog. Howard said he wants that stopped. Howard said that they had to take his last dog away from him. Howard said the dog was so fucked up they had to find a home for it. Howard said Eric can't take care of a dog. Howard played a clip of Jon talking to Eric about the service dog. Howard said he'll sue the therapist and the service dog people if they give him one. Jon asked Eric if he's going to walk the dog. Eric said he will. He said it's an emotional support dog. Howard said they can't let him have a dog. Howard said he wants a full investigation.
Leiberman came in and said that Eric started a dog walking business that never took off. He said this situation is that Eric has applied for a service dog and his therapist has given approval for it. Howard said Eric doesn't take care of his dog. Jon said he was told that he has a friend who hires him to work at a pet store and Eric has proven himself at the store. Howard said that's only for a few minutes. Jon said Eric claims he's getting food ready and looking for a bigger apartment. Howard said the authorities had to take the last dog. Jon said Eric thinks he's ready now. Howard said Eric isn't ready and not capable. Howard said he has to have him come in there and talk.
Howard said Eric had a cat and it chewed through a screen and ran away. He said Eric isn't capable. Robin said he can't even take care of himself. Howard said the psychiatrist doesn't care. Jon said they think Eric would get more of out having a dog than the dog would get out of it. Howard said imagine the luck of the draw for that dog getting Eric as an owner.
Jon told Howard about Eric taking care of his fish and how he watched it 24 hours a day. Howard said a fish is fine. He said if Eric gets a dog he's going to ban him from the show. Howard said he can't take care of the dog. Howard said Eric doesn't have anyone to help him. Jon said he has Joey Boots. Howard said Eric should dress up Joey Boots as a dog. Howard said it's good that he goes to a pet store and plays. He said he can do that every day instead of getting his own dog. Howard said a dog will cost him 2 grand a year in food alone. Jon said Howard is paying for it. Howard said he doesn't want to pay for it.
Howard had Wendy the Slow Adult on the phone and she said that you have to train the dog. She said that she has cats and her mom watches them. Wendy said that she wants to get rid of some of them because she can't afford them. Wendy said her mother is the one buying food for them. Howard said Wendy sounds like a genius this morning. He told her to go clean her diaper now.
Jon said that Eric has trouble walking on his own and Wendy brought that up. He said that he has to walk the dog like that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she'll cut Eric off too if he gets a dog. She said that his last dog was neglected. She said that she doesn't understand who would give him a dog. Howard said that these psychiatrists don't understand. Howard said this guy sees him come in and he checks right out. Mariann said it's all about the mighty dollar. Mariann said she really will cut Eric off if he does this. She said that he can't take care of himself.
Howard said this is tough love. Howard said this is good. He thanked Mariann for that. Jon said that if the dog gets into junk food that's laying on the floor of his apartment that's another problem. He said he will keep Howard up to date on all of that. Howard let Jon go and played some of his rap singing. Howard said that guy is insane.
Howard played another clip of Medicated Pete talking about how babies are made. Then he had Beetlejuice explaining it.
Howard played another one and said he doesn't have the answers there so he guessed child birth. Robin said she thinks is sounds like an orgasm. Howard played it again and it was child birth. Howard played another one that he thought sounded like a fake orgasm. It turned out to be a birth.
Jim said that they were contemporaries and they're both A-list celebrities. Robin said they should be vacationing together. Howard said he's pretty reclusive himself. He said there are a bunch of reasons they're off track and he'll take responsibility for that. Howard said that he can think of two things that he did that screwed it up. Howard said that he's in a different place now but there's much water under that bridge. Howard said he thinks he and Dave share a lot of common ground but he's not sure they'd be close off the air.
Howard said he does appreciate Dave a lot and it would be fun to talk to Dave. Howard said he has never spoken to Dave other than on the air. Howard said they're not that close. He said they have spoken on the telephone a couple of times. He said it's not something that will happen.
Jim said that Dave tried to call him after one of his appearances. Howard said that was all business. Howard said he's convinced that Monday night will be the last time he sees Dave. Jim said that's depressing. Howard said there's really no other opportunity to get together. Jim asked if he could pick up the phone and ask him out to dinner. Howard said he'll tell an interesting story on Monday night so tune in to hear that.
Howard said Dave is done with the whole thing. He said he doesn't think he wants to go out but he has to. He said on Monday he won't be running around in a dress. He said this is how he's going to say goodbye to the guy who was so good to him.
Howard said the worst thing about radio is the thing that's the best. He said radio is local. He said if you fail in a market you can get up and go somewhere else and try again. Howard said it's such a bad thing. He said you rip the hair out of your head. He said imagine you do all of this stuff and climb to the top of the ratings in Washington DC and then you get to New York and have to start over. Howard said the people at NBC hated him and wanted him out of radio. He said they plotted to fire him. Howard said this was all in a movie so you know it's true. Howard said they really were open and aggressive about it. Howard said he was at the worst part of his life. Howard said he was getting the shit beat out of him at NBC. He said they were yelling at him saying he wasn't a good announcer and the stuff he was doing on the air was horrible.
Howard said in 1983 or 84 he got a call from David Letterman asking him to come on his national show. Howard said no one was doing that for radio guys. Howard said David was a fan of his. Howard said Dave asked him to come on the show. Howard said he went on and Dave treated him like a rock star. He said he interviewed him and gave him national exposure. Howard said the next day because he did so well on the show all of his bosses lightened up. He said they weren't in love but they gave him a break for 2 or 3 weeks. Howard said it was like a guy on death row being given another few weeks to live. Howard said things went to hell in a hand basket and they didn't like what he was doing after that. He said that's what he's going on David's show for on Monday. He said he has to thank Dave and say goodbye. Howard said Dave might fall asleep during that story if he tells that. Howard said that the audience just wants laughs so he may not be able to tell that one. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard said Melissa Rivers is coming in today. He said he's really going to depress her today talking about her mom. Howard said that he feels that Joan had a lot of life left in her. He said she was healthy. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has George Bush on the phone. Howard said they haven't heard from him in a while. Howard picked up on the phony Bush and said that he was criticizing President Obama recently. Bush talked about that and said that they can suck his ass. Bush blamed the earthquake in Nepal on Obama.
Howard said he'll stick with this a little bit longer. Bush told Howard that Michelle's diet plan isn't working. He asked Howard if he's been to a mall lately. Howard said he'll stick with this just a little longer.
Howard asked Bush about some other things and then bush went off on Howard for not voting for him and other things. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that he went out with a bang. Howard said he didn't even know why he called in. Howard said he's not sure why he called in either.
Howard played some audio of Huckabee talking about how the Supreme Court can't overrule god and things like that. Howard said that this gets the right wingers crazy and then it fires up other guys. Howard said he has audio of another guy who is on radio. Howard played that clip and the guy was talking about the supreme court defying god. Howard said that we're pretty sure God isn't real. Howard said we created that to make dying easier to deal with. Howard said this guy is Dick Wild. Howard played more audio of him talking about how there will be swift consequences for the United States if we continue this. Howard said this is no different than what ISIS tells their followers. Howard said that they say if you do this, if you do that then this will happen.
Howard played more audio of this guy Dick talking about a sweeping fire coming across America. He said that's what will happen when the Supreme Court rules in favor of gay marriage. Howard said these maniacs get fired up over the stupidest shit. Robin said that's why she can't understand why he watches FOX News. Howard said he loves it. He said he watched Anna Kooiman doing her news this morning. Howard said that she is so hot.
Howard said he spent a fortune on clothes and he didn't fit into his pants. He said that he didn't eat anything at dinner last night. He said that they brought him some Risotto to try and he didn't want to but he ended up eating the whole thing. Howard said he can't avoid it. Howard said he had to pull his pants up high because he wasn't able to buckle them. Howard said his belly was bulging over his pants. He said he had high waters on because they were pulled up so high. Howard said he went to that party like that. Howard said it was a fancy party. Howard said he bought so many clothes and now he doesn't fit into them. Howard said he had to stop running because he has such pain after running.
Howard got back to the religious nuts. Howard said that these people used to go after them when they were on the air. Howard said that they raised money by telling their followers they wanted to get them off the air. Howard played a clip of a woman talking about why she does what she's doing for god. She said that his hand of protection will leave this country if this gay marriage thing goes through. Howard said these people think that god loves this country the most. Howard said that the other countries think the same thing. Howard said this woman thinks that if we pass gay marriage then his hand comes right off. Howard said he was apparently very cool with slavery. Howard said raping women and all of that was fine. It's just this gay stuff that's pissing him off. Howard said these people didn't have a problem with all of that other stuff. He said God was on our side when we killed all of the Indians.
Howard played more audio of the woman talking about how she's going to be there protesting until the verdict is in.
Howard said he has a clip of a news reporter saying ''fuck'' accidentally. He was trying to say ''food truck'' but he said ''fuck''. Howard said Nick Kroll yelled out ''Baba Booey'' at a Dodger's game. Howard said that he was there to throw out the opening pitch and he threw out a ''Baba Booey'' too. Howard played that and Nick got in two Baba Booeys. Howard said that's a 10. Robin said that was an 11.
Howard said as long as he has Wolfie on the phone he'll play some of his Faerie Festival interviews. Howard said these people dress up like fairies. Wolfie said they're into nature and they're way out there. He said he was surprised how strange they were. Howard asked what it cost to get in. Wolfie said it was 20 bucks for the day.
Howard said these people hide in their house and their parents don't understand them. Howard said they stand around in drum circles and things. Howard said it makes them feel special. Howard said a lot of them have very strange voices and they must look strange too. Wolfie said that he thinks they were turned down by every other group and this is the last thing they could find.
Howard played a clip of one of the interviews Wolfie did. The guy wasn't able to speak very well. He sounded like he was speaking under water. Howard asked how old this guy was. Wolfie said he thinks he was in his 20s. He said the best way to describe him is that he looked like a younger version of Gargamel from the Smurfs. Wolfie said he's heard that interview 3 times and he still has no idea what the guy was talking about.
Howard asked about the drum circle and what that's all about. Wolfie said they have music playing from the time they start until they're done. He said guys are dressed in drag and it's pretty creepy. Howard played some audio of some of that music. Howard said this is the music of the unemployed. Howard said Gary's trumpet would fit right into it. Howard asked Fred to play that but he wasn't able to find it. Fred said sometimes it's hard to find. He eventually found it and played Gary's trumpet over the Faerie Festival music.
Howard played a clip of a guy who called himself Gammamouth the Troll. Wolfie spoke to him about fairies and the guy said he thinks they are real. The troll was explaining what's wrong with this world today. Howard did his impression of the guy and goofed on his speech impediment.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy at the festival. Howard asked if they ever do role playing there. Wolfie said that does go on there. Robin asked where this Faerie lore comes from. Howard said he thinks they just make it up as they go along. Wolfie said some people think it's real.
Howard played another clip of a guy saying he believes in vampires, fairies but not wolves. Howard said that's the one thing that is real.
Robin said the genius there is the one who put the festival together. Howard said he's the smart one. Howard said there isn't a bit outlay of cash there. Wolfie said this is like the 20th year that this has been going on too.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who said that he believes in this stuff and he believes in shadow hunters too. Howard said this is why he's anti-bullying. He said these people were bullied and now they believe in this stuff. Howard said that they also talk about Slenderman there. He said that he looked that up and it's really creepy. Howard played a clip of a guy who was dressed up like Slenderman. Howard asked if he was creepy. Wolfie said he was. He said that when you hear what he does for a living that really creeps you out. Howard played that and the guy said he helps out at elementary schools. Wolfie said that guy is teaching your children.
Howard played another clip of a person making the sound that a Faerie makes. Howard said he's thinking about the parents who wanted to have a child and this is what they grew up to be. Howard played another person making Faerie sounds. Robin asked if they were real then wouldn't the impressions sound similar?
Howard played another interview where Wolfie thought he was talking to a man and she said she's a woman. Wolfie said that she had a moustache. He said that she wasn't hefty or anything. He said she just had a moustache. Howard said that's such a great insult. He said he's going to do that when he runs into someone who is stuck up. Wolfie said she sounds like Fred's impression of Nicole Bass. Fred did that voice for them. Howard was cracking up.
Howard played some audio of Wendy the Slow Adult doing her Freddy Krueger voice and said that's a Faerie. Howard asked Wolfie where that was at. Wolfie said it was in Pennsylvania. He said if people want to suggest other events for him to go to they can find him on Twitter @ThisIsWolfie
Howard had some audio of some kids saying where they think he was from. One kid said that he's pale so he must be from Antarctica. He had some audio of some kids talking about Robin too. Then they had audio of kids talking about what they think Benjy eats based on his photo. They were all saying he must eat a lot of junk food. Howard let Wolfie go after that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Melissa Rivers is there. Howard said she looks good. Howard said her mother would be pleased with the way she looks. Melissa thanked him for that. Howard said she is now the true grown up because her mother was always mothering her. Melissa said her mom was like a teenager and she was the adult. Howard said he didn't realize she went to the university of Pennsylvania. Howard asked if she got high SAT grads. Melissa said she did. She said she had a lot of extracurricular. Howard said he's impressed by people who go to the University of Pennsylvania. Howard said they don't take many students. Melissa said that's true.
Howard asked if they came up to her the day of the funeral asking if she wanted to write a book. Melissa said it was close but not that day. She said it was maybe 3 weeks. Howard said that has to be a tough call. Melissa said they called her agent actually. She said her first reaction was no but then they asked if she wanted to do an advice book. She said that's a scam. She said they wanted her to write about the advice her mother would give her. She said then they told her how much they'd pay. She said that she was laying in bed thinking about what her mother would do. She said her mom would have been upset that it took them 3 weeks to get to her.
Melissa said her mother wanted to write a book called ''Comedian Dearest'' with her. She said she wanted to write the book and have it come out after she was gone.
Howard asked if there was a bad aspect to Joan being her mom. Melissa said that she could be overbearing at times. Howard asked if she ever wanted her to stop crawling up her ass. Melissa said that one time her mom sent her an email from the airport saying that she was upset about not being that close. Melissa said she called and told her that she's in all of her business. She said that she's so deep in her life and that's the problem. Melissa said that if Joan could have been in Howard and Robin's life she would be. She said she tried with them and Gary too.
Howard asked Melissa about her mom sending Johnny Carson her as a baby saying that they didn't know how to thank him so they gave him their most prized possession which was her. Melissa said she doesn't have a recollection of that but it might be the root cause of her abandonment issues. Howard said that she has been in therapy and part of that has to be about it being a joke but she's part of the joke. Melissa said that it's funny. Howard said it is funny but that's tough. Melissa said that her parents wouldn't have given her away. She said that she has to go call her therapist now.
Howard said when Melissa called him to do the eulogy at the funeral that was based on her wishes. Howard said that she wanted a big funeral. Melissa said that her mom said she would haunt her if she spent a lot of money on a funeral. She said that she really didn't want her to spend money on a funeral. Melissa said they were very close with Preston Bailey and she told him what she wanted. She said she just told him to go and take care of it. She said she wasn't able to deal with that. She said that he knew exactly what she wanted.
Howard said he was moved by a lot of the people who spoke and by the bag pipe player. Melissa said her mom liked the bag pipe thing so that's why she did that. She said that the rabbi said it wasn't very Jewish. She said she wanted it anyway. Melissa said one of her mom's best friends was the one who snuck out the New York, New York. She said Howard was amazing too. Howard said he felt like it was such a responsibility. Howard said that's why he went to her beforehand. Howard said he did go to her at the funeral and asked her if she wanted him to do this. Melissa said it set the tone. She said that it's weird that a vagina joke set the tone.
Howard asked if Melissa had to say no to some people for the funeral. Melissa said there were a hand full. She said they weren't famous though. She said that
Melissa told Howard one of the people was a friend that Joan had a falling out with and he wasn't calling to find out how she was or anything like that.
Howard said Joan was on his show 82 times. Howard said she was coming on his show when she was on The Tonight Show. Howard said that he couldn't even believe that number. Melissa said that has to be how long he's known him. Howard said he was thrilled that she would want to come on often. Howard said some people didn't get it but he thought she was the greatest. Melissa said that she loved working with Howard. Howard said one of the things is that a lot of people abandoned her. Howard said that the strangest thing was when Jay Leno took over the tonight show that he carried on Johnny's hostility toward her. Melissa said she talks about that in the book. Howard gave her a plug for the book which is called ''The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation''.
Howard asked Melissa about running into Jay after the funeral. Melissa said that it was very fresh and Sarah Silverman told her that Jay was going to be at their table at a dinner they were going to. She said that this was her first public appearance after the funeral. She said Jay was right across from her and he looked right at her and then looked away. Howard said ''What a dick.'' Howard said maybe he didn't want to upset her. Melissa said you'd think he'd come over and say he's sorry for her loss and ask how she's doing. She said that it would have been closure and the right thing to do. Robin said if anyone should have an attitude it should be Melissa, not Jay. Howard said Jay probably wanted to do what Johnny would have done. Melissa said the guy has no courage. That's what she was thinking.
Melissa told Howard that Jennifer Lawrence was against Fashion Police but she came up to her and told her that her mother was funny and that broke the ice.
Howard asked how Joan got away with being on Fashion Police and got away with it but other people do it and the chemistry goes so wrong and it doesn't work. Howard said that show may not be able to be pulled off by anyone but Joan. Melissa said they are returning in September and they were talking about how to make it work and it just didn't. Howard asked if she's angry with Kathy Griffin for giving her the show and then she walked away from it. Howard said maybe she should have tried harder. Howard asked if she should have tried harder. Melissa said it just wasn't a match. She said she doesn't want to get the call. Robin asked if she's upset with Kathy. Melissa said she doesn't even think about it. She said she doesn't think that she abandoned the show. She said the ship just never sailed.
Howard asked Melissa if she knew it wasn't going to work right away. Melissa said she did. She said that they only did 6 episodes. She said they tried to make it work for the 6. She said after 7 they were going to reevaluate. Howard said that everyone was throwing each other under the bus. Melissa said she had to ask them not to discuss this stuff on social media. She said that it goes back to her mom. She said when her mom was there it was like a family. She said that the whole thing fell apart when they lost her. She said they were all fighting and it just didn't work.
Melissa said there were days when she would go home and just cry when it was going wrong. Howard said Kelly Osbourne was upset with Kathy being named for the show. Melissa said it just never worked. She said they were trying to put it together and it just didn't work. Howard said Kelly was part of the show and maybe they shouldn't have brought Kathy in. Melissa said nobody voiced that in the beginning. She said they all walked in from the start with a good attitude. She said the problems started from before they were even on the air. She said that things were said. Howard asked who didn't show up for rehearsal. Melissa said that everyone at one point or another. Howard asked if it was Kelly. Melissa said that it traveled rapidly through the building.
Howard said she must have had a nightmare on her hands. Melissa said she loves the parking guys at E! because they had her car turned the right way for her to get out of there. Howard said that she just wanted to keep the show running. Melissa said that she wondered how much shit she had to eat over there. Melissa said that she was getting calls from everyone on the show and then the head of the networks.
Howard said the question is why bother? He asked when it became that important. Robin said it was for E!. Melissa said that they had to create a show that felt familiar but also completely new and different. She said they rushed back into it but it was award season. She said they're getting back into it now and asking what they want to do.
Howard said his advice to her is that they need a leader. Howard said Julie Chen is a leader on The Talk. Howard said Barbara Walters was the queen bee on The View. Howard said if you hire a Kathy Griffin or whoever, she has to be the queen bee. Howard said she has to bring in the queen bee. Melissa said she was treated like that. Howard said that the other women couldn't handle it. Melissa said she just wasn't the right queen bee. Melissa said some personalities just don't work together. She said Kelly went out and Juliana went in. Howard asked if she has spoken to Kathy since then. Melissa said she hasn't spoken to her since the last taping. She said that she feels like the show is her mother's legacy and she was dragged into this. She said that her mother's name was brought up after it all went down.
Howard asked Melissa if she had to have a lunch with Kathy Griffin or Jay Leno, who does she go to. Melissa said that's a great question. She said Leno. Howard said that's pretty wild. Melissa said she wants him to apologize. She said that Kathy is Kathy and they have a 20 year relationship. She said it is what it is and no harm no foul.
Howard said Kathy did seem like the right person for the role. Howard said that it's tough to step into those shoes though. Melissa said that job is very hard. Howard said it is. Melissa said her mother had a warmth about what she said. She said that she loved celebrities and how they dressed up and looked ridiculous. Robin said she did that non stop too. She said that she'd do that when they were out together.
Howard asked about the snub by the Oscars. Howard said they have an In Memorium thing they do every year. Howard said Joan was in movies, she directed and made movies. Howard said they celebrated the Oscars and covered the red carpet for them. Howard said she was a prominent person there. Howard asked why they snubbed her. Melissa said that she didn't see that coming. Howard said he didn't either. Howard asked who would think they would snub her. Melissa said that she didn't think they would mention her. She said that's just the way they are. Melissa said that everything became a fight after her mom died. She said that she didn't expect anyone to pay tribute.
Howard said he loved Joan and even when he was nobody and she was on top she supported him. Howard said that's what he loved about her. Howard said she helped others. Howard said that's cool. He said that's why he was proud to do the eulogy.
Howard asked what's going on with the lawsuit. He said it seems like a perfect storm of horrors. Howard said Joan was in good health and so spry. Howard said he felt she would have lived another 20 years. Howard said that's the mind fuck in all of this. Howard said Joan adored her grandson Cooper. Howard said she cold have been around for all of that. Melissa said she thinks she had a good 10-15 left. Howard said that she had this operation and it seemed unnecessary. Melissa said it was for acid reflux. They were going in to see why the medication she was taking wasn't working.
Howard asked Melissa about the lawsuit and where that stands. Howard said that she's not suing for money. Melissa said that they're all saying that her mom left her $100 million. She said it's not that kind of money at all. Howard said that she used to talk about how broke she was. Howard said she never had the big payday. Melissa said that's true. Howard said he assumed she had money. Melissa said she had plenty but not $100 million.
Howard said the apartment is for sale. Melissa said it is. Howard said that isn't selling. Melissa said it's there and it's being shown. She said she's not going to lower the price yet. She said that if it was $100 million she had she would not be on a book tour. Howard jokingly said shame on Joan for not leaving her more.
Howard said in the will they also say that her cousins are getting some money. Melissa said of course. Howard said hopefully it's a little something. Howard said Joan also said in the will that if they contest the will they are out. Howard said that's brilliant. That was there to protect Melissa.
Howard asked who got the dogs. Melissa said Jocelyn got them. She said that she doesn't need the stipend for the dogs so they are going to The Hamptons and things like that.
Howard asked if Melissa believes in psychics and things. Melissa said she hasn't been to one. She said they all crawled out of the woodwork to talk to her. She said she had 5 or 6 people come up to her saying she had come to them. She said that her mom didn't come to her. Howard said there are so man people who fall for that nonsense. Howard said they just fuck with your head and try to get money out of you. Howard asked if Joan did that with Edgar. Melissa said she did.
Melissa said that people who worked with them were saying that Edgar had come to them but he never came to her and her mom. Howard said that Joan thought she had a ghost living in her house. Melissa said that she believes. She said that sub basement is spooky.
Howard got back to Fashion Police and asked where Kelly stands with the show. Melissa said that she left so she's no longer with E!.
Howard talked about some of the people who came to the funeral and how he was focusing on Donald Trump. He said he was laughing so that was a good thing. Robin said that Donald had tributes to Joan on Celebrity Apprentice. She said that brought a tear to her eye.
Howard said the craziest story is that a doctor took a selfie next to her mother while she was laying there. Melissa said that is allegedly true. She said they filed a very detailed complaint and that particular fact has been validated by an outside investigation. She said it wasn't a selfie but a photo was taken. Melissa said she doesn't need all of the noise with this case so she goes into a personal blackout with the whole thing. She said that he whole process is very slow. She said they have filed and they are waiting for them to respond. Howard asked if they have made an offer of a settlement. Melissa said not yet. She said it's too early. She said that there is never a slam dunk lawsuit either.
Howard said he thinks her mother would want her to sue. Howard said that he thinks Joan would tell her to look into it. Melissa said that's what she's trying to do.
Howard gave Melissa another plug for her book. Melissa asked if he read the dedication. Howard said he doesn't have a copy there. Melissa asked where Gary is. Howard said one thing she gives in the book is her mom's schedule. Howard said he can barely move but Joan was working constantly. Howard read some of the things she did during her week. She still did stand up and she had meetings, work, press and hung out with the family too.
Howard asked what Melissa did with all of her mom's jokes. Melissa said they created a database with them all in it. She said that she has a gift for Howard. She said that they have the cards that her mother had her jokes on.
Howard asked if she regrets dropping her father's last name. Melissa said that she was a little angry at her dad for killing himself. She said legally she is still Melissa Rivers Rosenberg. Howard said that was an angry act. Melissa said that 20 years later she realizes that it was an angry act but hey...
Howard asked Melissa about her father and how he handled things with the two of them. Melissa said that he had the smarts to walk away from them when they would fight and come back and deal with them later after the dust had settled.
Howard asked if Melissa is dating. She said she has a boyfriend. Melissa said that this story is very nice. She said that one of her very good friends stepped up for her and she never saw him as a care giver. She said that he never saw her in this way and after a while they started going out. Howard said that things change when someone dies. Howard asked how long she waited to bang this guy. Melissa said she doesn't know. She said it was longer than a week or two.
Melissa said she has something for Howard. Howard asked if she gave her mom makeup and hair when she was in the hospital. Melissa said she did. She said she had her in a nice bathrobe too. Howard asked who visited there. She said everyone did.
Melissa gave Howard one of Joan's cards that she typed her jokes on. Howard said this is one of those legendary cards. Howard read the joke which was about her vagina and how it's only good for suctioning her to the ground during an earthquake. Melissa said they were looking for the one he told at the funeral but they weren't able to find it. Robin said she's jealous. Melissa said that those are the only cards she's giving away. She said she knows her mother would be happy about that.
Howard said Joan was at his wedding and she was so bad there. Howard said she was out of her mind. Howard said Phoebe Snow was there and she got up to sing and Joan told her to sit down. Howard said he told her that it was a friend and she had to let her perform.
Howard asked where Joan's ashes are. Melissa said it's at her home in L.A. Howard said Robin is too shy to ask for them but she wants some. Melissa said that she'll give her some. She didn't know that her mom had given Robin some of Vincent Price's ashes. She said her mom's are in a box. She hasn't taken them out since she got it. She said she just can't deal with it. Howard said he'll come over and help her out. Howard said he keeps his dog Bianca's ashes where he can see them. He said he says hi to them once in a while. Howard said he wants her to go home and take her mom out of the closet. Melissa said she hasn't done anything with her father's box either.
Howard said she could put one ash of Joan's in her jewelry and sell them. Melissa said they should go direct response with that. Howard said maybe they can put a joke in each locket. Howard said that she has said a lot today. He said it was great seeing her. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. He said that Jay Leno is waiting in the hall to ignore her. Howard said he didn't plan that. Howard said he hopes Fashion Police gets back on track. Melissa said it returns in September so they'll find out then. Howard wished Melissa good luck and let her go. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's a good song. He said that song by Sponge is good too. Howard said that was interesting talking to Melissa. Robin said Melissa thought she wasn't that funny but she thought it was great. Howard said that Melissa doesn't have to be funny. Howard said that he asked for the ashes for Robin. Howard said that he's not sure she'll get them. Howard said Robin loves having ashes for some morbid reason. Robin said Joan did it too. Howard said that he's not sure what's wrong with Robin. Howard said he'll stick to that story.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that they were talking about Letterman earlier. He asked if he would go out with Jimmy and Letterman fishing. Howard said that Jimmy isn't that close either. Howard said he's not sure how Letterman would end up in that group. Wheels said that Letterman likes fishing.
Wheels said that Howard was talking about the mother in Baltimore who hit her kid on the street. He said that she has six kids and you have to crack them sometimes. Howard said when no dad is around you shouldn't have six kids. Howard said lets say she lost the dad. Howard said that's a tough load for a women to handle. Howard said he had help raising his kids. Howard said he knows how difficult it is. Howard said even in the most challenging days he never thought it would be right to hit his girls. Ever. Howard said it humiliates a person to be smacked around. Howard said he understands that the crack across the head is a short cut but it leaves a damaging effect. Howard said if that's how she raised him it's going to lead to problems down the line. Howard said he doesn't think that's the first time it's happened. Howard said if that's parenting on the street then that's what's going on at home.
Howard said yelling at kids and calling them a mother fucker is not good for the kids. He said that kid was out rioting because his life at home isn't good. Howard said that's his theory.
Wheels said that you have to smack the one boy out of the 6 kids around. Howard said that's not the right thing to do. Howard said that it is not good mothering. Howard said he can't condone that. Wheels said he's not a black mom. Wheels said he thinks she has to do what she has to do to correct the kids. Howard said his mom hit him with a hanger. He said he learned that he didn't like women very much. He said he loves his mother dearly but she was limited too. Howard said you don't take a hanger to a child. Wheels said he's right.
Howard said he has learned to love women and appreciate them. He said that hitting thing is not good for a young boy. Howard said if the woman in your life beats you with a stick you have to do a lot of work on yourself to get over it. Howard said that kid is going to need a lot of help.
Wheels said his mom raised 4 boys after a divorce. He said that she had to deal with the four boys except on weekends. Howard let Wheels go a short time later. They played him out with his theme song by Little Mikey.
Howard was wondering how things are going to go when Bruce Jenner is in a ''Who Wore it Better'' and he beats some girl out. Howard said that maybe it's an aging actress and she's at the end of her game. Then she loses to Bruce Jenner. He said that will be it for her.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will be on all day Monday. Howard said that he is also shooting Letterman on Monday afternoon. Howard said he's going to go say goodbye to Dave. Howard said that Robin should come too. Howard said that she needs closure too. Robin said she does. Robin said she certainly won't see Dave ever again if Howard isn't going to see him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if he would interview the leader of ISIS and what his questions would be. Howard said he would interview him. Robin said she would hope that he'd do what they did in that movie Seth Rogen was in. Howard said he would kill that fucker. Howard said first he'd do the interview and then he'd thank him and take a picture and pull out a machete and slit his throat. Howard said he would first ask how he wanted to die, a gun or a knife. Howard said he thinks everyone would want to kill the leader of ISIS. Howard said he might just skip the interview and get right to the killing. Howard said that if it wasn't for the oil money they'd be fighting with sticks over there.
Robin said that Tesla announced a whole house battery. Howard said that Howie Mandel has a Tesla. Robin said they don't have a long range. Howard said they're supposed to be nice. Robin said there is no place to recharge. Robin said there are no stations here. Howard said it seems like we should get that going.
Robin had Howard play a clip of a woman known as Rapping Granny who just died at the age of 101. Howard said that their rapping Granny was something else when she sat on the Sybian. Howard said she was 90 something and she had never had an orgasm. Howard said she wasn't kidding either. Howard said back then women just lived in misery and didn't think about their own needs. Fred played some audio of Rappin' Granny on the Sybian. Robin said this woman was Ellen Albertini Dow. Robin said she was in an Adam Sandler movie rapping. Howard played more of their Rappin' Granny on the Sybian.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to do something about Jeff the Drunk but Howard didn't understand what he said. The caller said that he can't believe Jeff is falling for that shit with the model. Howard said that Jeff called yesterday and said that he had a girl who wants to meet him. Howard had Jeff on the phone so he said everyone thinks he's an idiot for falling for that. Jeff said they're all idiots. He said he's not the idiot. Jeff said he spoke to her yesterday. He said she called him. The caller asked if he had a big cock. Jeff told Howard to get this idiot off the phone. Howard said he doesn't mean to make fun of Jeff because it's too easy.
Howard said that it's a little bizarre that this woman is a super model and she's been in contact for 3 years but hasn't visited. Jeff said that she doesn't want him desperately. He said he never said that. Robin said he said that she's his bitch. Howard said that this girl could date anyone she wants. Howard said she isn't interested in him. The caller, Vince, was going off on Jeff and Jeff was talking over him. Howard said no one can understand him anyway. Vince said she's going for a drunk with just one arm who lives in a trailer that was given to him by his mommy when she died. Jeff said he never said she wanted him.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff sent him some more pictures of her. Howard said now Jeff is back peddling about the whole thing. Howard said he almost doesn't care about the whole thing. Shuli said he thinks the girl is legit but the girl is using Jeff for something. He said she may want to get in on the show to promote her selling of erotic photos. Howard said he doesn't want her on the show then. Howard said if she starts banging Jeff then they'll have her on.
Vince told Jeff to have another bottle of booze and he can imagine doing some other wild stuff with people he has no chance with. Jeff said this guy should be a comedian. Howard said he has two bores on the phone. Howard said they both come up with inane stuff. Vince said he's changing Jeff's name to Gull E Bull. Jeff said he's changing Vince's name to Asshole. Fred played dueling banjos while the two were saying stuff about each other.
Jeff told Howard to stop it. Vince would say something about Jeff and the banjo thing was playing while that was going on. Shuli said they have to do it like a black battle. Each time one of them would say something they'd all yell out ''Oooo!'' or something like that. Vince said he's going to send Jeff a gun so he can take himself out of society. Jeff said he doesn't want to talk to this retard anymore. Vince told him to cut his arm off and beat himself with it. Jeff said at least people know who he is. Vince said he's a pathetic, low life, loser drunk. Jeff said he has a lot of followers on Twitter. He asked Vince ''Now what mother fucker?'' Vince didn't have much of a comeback for that but Jeff did. Howard said he really has to go do news. Vince asked to be kept on hold. He said his radio is off being repaired. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break Robin read a story about Isaiah Thomas and how he may return to New York to coach a women's basketball team. Robin said that he was found guilty of sexually harassing an executive at the Knicks years ago. Robin said that she's not sure what the fascination is with this guy. Robin asked why they would want to hire him to run the women's basketball team. Gary had a theory about it and they think it might be a way for him to get back into the Knicks. Howard said no one really has an answer. Robin said
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks they'll ever try to get Bruce Jenner in Playboy. Howard said he likes his thinking. Howard thought his connection sounded like he was out chasing storms. Howard said if Playboy got Bruce it would be the biggest seller ever. Howard said everyone wants to see what's going on there. Howard said he'd pay to see that. Howard said it would be a slam dunk for Playboy.
Robin read a story about Bruce Jenner and how his children were informed about the gender reassignment. Robin said there will be another special about the whole thing. Robin said there were some clips played on the Today show yesterday. Robin had some for Howard to play. They talked about those clips and how the kids have to adjust to something like that.
Robin read a story about BB King and how his daughter thinks he's being kept away from his friends by his manager. Robin said his daughter thinks he needs dental treatment and they're not giving it to him. Robin said they hope that BB King is okay because that doesn't sound good. Howard said he does that part in that Primitive Radio Gods song he likes. Howard said he only likes that part where BB King sings ''I've been down hearted baby...'' Howard played that song and said he really feels when he hears that song. He said some people cut themselves to feel but he gets that from listening to songs. He said he listens to this one often. Howard said if he was there now he'd have Fred blow him. Fred said he might have to.
Robin asked to change the music and move on. Fred played a cover of ''This is Beetle'' by a choir. Howard said that's a good choice. Robin said that's not what she was talking about. Fred played another BB King song after that. Robin said that's not it either. Howard played Jamie Foxx singing the national anthem at the Mayweather Pacquiao fight. Robin said on Tuesday's Ellen Degeneres show Jamie was on explaining what was going on there. He said it was a little off on the telecast. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she has her dog's ashes in her bedroom. She said that it did good for her. She was saying something about Joan Rivers when Howard cut her off and said that was enough for today. Howard said he knows he'll hear that cackle at Letterman next week. He said he does love her.
Robin had Howard play a clip of a song by P. Diddy. Robin said he's been busy. Robin said they say he's the richest person in Hip Hop according to Forbes. Howard asked if it's more than Jay Z. Robin said yes. Robin said they say he has a net worth of $735 million. Robin read about some of the other people on the list. Howard said Nick Cannon has his own headphones now too. Robin said Jay Z is on the list at $550 million. Howard said that he has that combined with Beyonce's money. Robin said 50 Cent is at $155 million. Howard said he bet Mayweather in the fight so he is worth more than that now.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Melissa Rivers gave access to the eulogy speech, would he play it for the fans. Howard said she video taped it. Howard said that he didn't know they did that at the time. Howard said he didn't care. Howard said his mother was upset that she didn't get to see or hear it. Howard said Melissa sent him a copy that he said he would destroy after playing it for his mom. Howard said he did destroy it. Howard said he doesn't think they would release that. He said that's Melissa's call. Howard said he didn't do it to be on TV. Howard said the eulogy does exist on video.
The caller asked about Sofia Vergara being stuck in that battle over her embryos with Nick Loeb and he's the same guy that Ivy Supersonic was trying to hook Elisa up with. Howard said he didn't know that. He let the caller go after that.
Robin brought up Mike Huckabee and how he's trying to run for President. Howard said that he likes the guy but once he starts getting into that ranting about abortion and stuff he can't get behind that.
Robin read a story about Josh Ozersky who started Meatopia. Robin said that he was found dead at a hotel on Monday. Robin said they say he was in town for an award show. Robin said that he was a meat lover and they don't know exactly what the cause of death was. Howard said he heard a herd of cattle actually ran over him. Robin just kept going with the story.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric and asked if he's getting a dog. Eric said he spoke to Mariann and Joey and he will not get the dog. Howard said he's his hero. Howard said it's best that he just go to the pet store and get his fill of dogs there. Eric said now Howard has to do him a favor. Howard said he's done a million for him already. Eric said he doesn't want to do the show with Matt Jacobs. Howard said he has to. He said he needs a High Pitch Eric if something happens to him. Eric said Matt is a piece of shit. Howard said they have to work it out like men. Eric asked when they're going to do it. Gary said they're working on it. He said they know Eric is available. Howard said that they have to sit down and work things out. Eric said he'll do it if they buy him pancakes, eggs and sausage. Howard said they'll do that. Howard said maybe a sensible breakfast. Howard said eggs and whole wheat toast. Eric said scrambled eggs and a bagel with locks on it. Howard said maybe they can do that. Eric also asked for the NY Times and a coffee. Howard said that's fair enough. Howard asked him to please not get a dog. Eric said alright and wished him a good weekend.
Howard said they asked Eric what animal he would fuck. He played a clip of Eric talking about how he'd want a bear because it's warm and cuddly and they could share the food. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how more and more people are accepting of homosexuality now.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that it wasn't funny that he didn't hang up the phone on that guy Vince earlier. Howard had Vince back on the line with Jeff. Jeff asked what Howard's problem is. Howard just laughed. Jeff said that he can't even get his thoughts out with this moron. He asked what the fuck Howard? Vince kept talking over Jeff and Jeff got upset screaming at the guy. Jeff hit a number on his phone to beep him out. Jeff said that he's not talking to that fuck face. He said he's talking to the other fuck face with the big nose. Howard said he has to go. Jeff told Howard to have a good weekend. He told Vince to go fuck himself. Howard said he'll put Vince back on hold. Howard said that was a double header.
Howard picked up on Wendy the Slow Adult who said High Pitch Eric doesn't know how hard it is to have a dog. Howard cut her off saying Eric said he won't be getting a dog. He told her to go clean her diaper again. Howard thanked her for her concern. Howard said she's very concerned about the dog.
Robin read a story about hedge fund managers and how the top guys made a billion each. Howard said that's the job to have. Robin read about how much some of these guys are making and they were over a billion.
Robin read about how Prince is going to do a concert for Baltimore. Robin said it's going to be a peace concert.
Robin read a story about the officer killed in the line of duty in New York City. Robin said that people are coming to give their condolences at the police station. Robin had some audio clips of people talking about that.
Robin read a story about John Kerry visiting Somalia. She had some audio of Kerry talking about visiting there. Howard said nothing burned him up more than when he was running for President and the republicans were questioning his military service. Howard said they somehow twisted it that he was some sort of coward. Howard said that was some of the weirdest part of politics he's ever seen.
Robin read a story about how the head of the French magazine that came under attack for cartoons of the prophet Mohammed was in New York City last night. Robin said they had beefed up security there because of that. Robin said everything went off without a hitch though.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk again. Jeff said he has to stop doing that with the guy on the phone. Howard asked Vince what he says to that. Jeff hung up. Vince said Jeff is a loser and he always will be. Howard put Vince back on hold. Robin said they may never hear from Jeff again. Howard said he hopes he calls back.
Robin read a story about the water conservation rules that are in effect in California now. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what they're suggesting. They are asking people to let their lawns die and not water them.
Robin read about how to exercise while working because sitting in a chair for more than 90 minutes at a time can affect your health.
Robin said that Manny Pacquiao is making noise about having another fight with Floyd Mayweather. Howard said he thinks they'll do it and it will make a ton of money. Robin said she's not going to buy in again. Howard said he thinks she will. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said that Howard believes this will be the last time he sees Dave. He said that Monday will be the final appearance for Howard on Letterman's show. Jon said that he wants to have a serious conversation with Dave and he'd like to see that heart to heart. He said you rarely see that. Rahsaan said he has never seen any of Howard's appearances. He said his last will be his first. Jon said that it sounds like Robin will be going and Jason will go to take pictures. Jon said Gary is going too. Jon said he wonders what this means to Howard personally. He said that Howard explained it this morning about how Dave had him on early on before anyone else did. Jon said that Howard sees Dave hanging it up now and he may wonder about his own retirement.
Jon said before he takes a call he wanted to talk about Game of Thrones. He said that you need to pay attention to it a lot but he's not sure what Howard and Robin are talking about. He said he thinks it's still one of the best TV shows on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think Howard is going to hang it up. He said he thinks Howard is going to try to cut through the bullshit with Letterman and they're going to see a real TV moment with the two of them. He said he thinks it will be reciprocated. Jon said he thinks people will get choked up. Jon said that there is a mutual respect between the two of them. Jon said that Howard may hang it up soon and both Dave and Howard have been the best at what they do for a long time. Jon said he had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard seems to be very retrospective on his own career. He said maybe he's thinking about this own exit. Jon said he's not sure that it's an exit plan in the next 6 months. He said it may be a few years down the road. Jon said that you do think twice about it. Jon said that Howard wants to do more of his hobbies and he may want some space. He said that he doesn't think he's going to stop the radio show. The caller said hearing Howard talk about it is interesting. He said he hopes Howard is on for many years to come but he's interested in seeing what the rest of the crew do.
Jon had Vinnie Favale on the phone. Jon said that they won their demo for the night. Vinnie said he thinks it will be up higher when the DVR ratings come in. He said that Howard brought up the ratings the other morning and that's his Achilles heel. He asked Jon if he saw it. Jon said he did. He said he knew what it was going to be like because he knows Vinnie. He said they had a ton of Howard and a ton of great moments from the show. Vinnie said it was a dream. He said when you look at 33 years of the show Howard is right up there with the constants of the show. He said Monday is going to be great too. Vinnie said that he doesn't think that Dave is retiring. He said he thinks he'll do other things. He said he hopes Dave does Howard's show.
Jon said he read an article in the NY Times about Dave and how he might come back if CBS comes up with something for him to do. He said it's not like Dave is picking up and going to Montana. Vinnie said he did an amazing interview with Rolling Stone too. He said that should hit the stands on Friday.
Jon said he thinks Howard will stick around for a few more years. Vinnie said when Howard retires it's going to be a huge deal. He said he wonders what those end of days will be like. He said that they will have a huge parade of people coming through. Jon said that everyone came when Howard was leaving terrestrial radio. Jon said that they're going to take that and mix in the birthday bash and that's how it will be. He said he thinks the last show will be Howard and the guys and they'll all cry and just sign off. Vinnie said that will be amazing.
Vinnie asked who is coming on Monday. Jon said that Robin, Gary and Jason want to come. Jon asked how they prepare for someone like Mariann showing up. Vinnie said that Mariann was offered tickets but she turned them down because she wants to be outside when Howard walks in.
Jon asked who else is going to be on Monday. Vinnie said he doesn't know actually. He said it might be enough just for Howard to be on. Howard said Vinnie has been there a long time. Vinnie said some of the guys have been with Dave for 35 years. Jon congratulated him on the success of his special. Vinnie said you should watch Dave now while you can. Jon let him go after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the chances are that Howard could get Dave on his show. Jon said that they had a great time with Dave on the birthday show. He said if Dave is in town then maybe he'll do it. Jon said he thinks it would be as good or better than the Seinfeld interview. The caller said he's looking forward to that if it does happen. Jon said they had Dave on during the birthday show but Howard struggled with it because of the big audience they had there.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Nick Kroll Baba Booey thing and if he thinks he did that to try to get on Howard's show. Jon said he doesn't think that's the reason. He said Nick is a big fan of the show.
Jon said he wanted to change subjects and talk about something else. He brought up Jeff the Drunk and said that he wasn't boring today. He said he called in multiple times to talk to Howard and Vince upset him so much that he said he won't call into the show anymore. Jon said he doesn't think that's the end of Jeff. Rahsaan said he agrees. He said that they've had other Wack Packers say the same thing and they end up calling in eventually.
Jon said they also heard about High Pitch Eric's dog and how he has decided against it after talking to Mariann and Joey. They went to break after that.
Jon said there was so much revealed today about her relationship with her mom. Jon said that she revealed a lot of the chaos going on at Fashion Police. Jon said that they were talking about the queen bee thing and he thinks that Howard is theirs. Jon said you need someone in charge. He said when Joan left they didn't have that person. Gary said that Joan came up with all of that and it was her vision. He said when that person goes away then people see that hole and want to fill it. He said then it gets weird.
Jon said that Joan was always very busy. Gary said she was one of a kind. He said that one thing that she passed down to her daughter is her hatred for Jay Leno. Gary said people pick on Jay and there is a reason they don't like him. He said that Jay wants everyone to like him but no one is that nice. He asked Jon if he thinks that Jay should have walked over to her and said something. Jon said absolutely. Gary said you always have to brace yourself for the idea that she could have said ''fuck you'' to him. He said you have to take that chance though. He said it's the right thing to do.
Jon said maybe Jay was carrying on the Johnny Carson thing. Gary said that maybe he thought that she was picking on him too so he didn't have her on. Jon said he should take the high road there though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard has 1000 percent responsibility to stay on the air. He said it would be selfish for him to retire now. He said no one is there to take over the air. He said no one is there to take over on Sirius. Gary asked about what Howard wants and his mental health and all of that. The caller said he has a gift and it should be shared with the world. He said that Howard looks up to guys who did things until they couldn't do it anymore. Gary said he doesn't think Howard should do it until he dies. He said he heard a clip of Imus recently and he sounds very weak. He said he doesn't think Howard wants to be like that. Jon said he's not going to wait for the next big radio guy to come along. Jon said he should do it because he wants to do it.
Gary said that he compares it to athletes. He said they stop because they can't do it anymore but there are some who just stayed a little too long. He said his memory of them is flawed because of that. Jon said he hates to see an athlete who moves to another team when he can't play for their other team.
Jon asked Gary if he's going over to Dave on Monday. Gary said he is. He said he loves Biff and he loves Rob Burnett. He said that he and Biff just looked at each other and laughed when they saw each other. Gary said that he wants to see Vinnie too. Gary said he hasn't gone every time Howard goes there so he wants to go.
Jon asked Rahsaan how the poll results are. Rahsaan said that 82 percent of the votes say Howard and Dave will not see each other. They spent a little time talking about that and then wrapped up the show. Jon got in some plugs for Sternthology. They ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon played a ''What you Need to Know'' about today's replays. Jon said they have a lot to get to. Jon said they have a poll up today as well. He asked Rahsaan for the details. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What's Your Favorite Con Wolfie has Done Interviews From?'' and the choices were:
Gary said that's a no brainer for him. Jon asked Christa what she thinks. Christa picked Faerie Fest since it's fresh in her mind. Natalie picked any where they wear masks. Gary said that's all of them. Gary picked Brony Con as his favorite.
Jon asked Christa if she ever misses the show. Christa said she has satellite in her bathroom and she locks the door and her husband thinks she lives in there. She said she listens in the morning and then she goes hiking with Natalie and talks about the show. Jon asked Natalie how she listens. She said she listens to Howard and some podcasts too. She said she has an ear bud in her ear all the time. Natalie and Christa listen to ''This American Life'' in podcast form.
Natalie said Howard can sound like an out of date fuddy duddy when he talks about podcasts not being relevant. Gary said he thinks that for every one ''This American Life'' there are a thousand podcasts that aren't that great.
Jon asked about Howard talking about JD going to finishing school. Christa said she thinks JD should think about what he's going to say and have some plan. She said if someone is going to pay for you to go to a school then you should do it. She said that you don't want to look like you were raised in a trailer. Natalie said not that there's anything wrong with that.
Jon asked if JD can be approved upon. Christa said yes. She said that it would add to his stress if he feels that people are going to be looking at him in way that would make him feel out of place. Gary said that JD is stressed from going to the school and learning something new. Natalie said he has to do it.
Jon asked Natalie if she has had conversations with JD on Twitter. Natalie has. Christa said she hasn't but Bill has and she's out of the loop on that. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
The caller also asked Natalie if she hears any talent in Elisa's singing. Natalie said she likes ''Online Sweetheart'' and she thinks she can write some catchy melodies that stick in your head all day. Christa said the Gonzo song was an ear worm for her.
Jon asked what Natalie and Christa think about Benjy and Elisa's relationship. Natalie said that Benjy has to move on. She said that Elisa has gotten mean about the whole thing and she rubs Benjy's face in it. She said she's actually watched a few hours of her show. She said that she has probably watched 8 hours of it. Gary said he has watched a few minutes of the show. He said he gets notes about it and he'll watch the important stuff. Natalie said she loves watching Elisa watching herself looking at herself on the screen.
Gary said the fascinating thing is that you can never hear anyone. He said it's a train wreck. Natalie said it's like watching a really boring car accident.
Jon asked Natalie and Christa about Jeff the Drunk and what's going on with him and the woman from England. Christa said that she's not sure what's going on there. Gary said they found out she wants to sell her photos and she's trying to get on the show through Jeff. Christa said she should have to have sex with Jeff to get on the show. Jon asked how they would know if they did have sex. Natalie said they'll have to smell their fingers. Gary said she'll make Jeff feel good and he'll get her on the show and then she'll disappear. Natalie said Jon may have to witness it to confirm the sex.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Natalie might have to smell their fingers. The caller asked if they take bets on how long it will take before Jeff calls back again. Gary said no one believes his threats. He said they never take Bobo's threats seriously either.
The caller asked about the possibility of Ginger Baker getting on the show to be interviewed. Gary said he's not sure he's even around and doing well. Gary said he doesn't know if he can talk. Natalie said they may need beefier security if he does come in.
Jon asked everyone about Robin's interview where she talked about all of her stuff in and interview. He asked if Howard was right in calling her a 1 percenter. Christa said Howard is always right in her mind. Gary said Christa was talking about how big her bathroom is.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Natalie about the song she did with Sarah Silverman. He wondered who came up with it. Natalie said that was Sarah's genius. She said she added one line about Lisa G shitting in every stall. Gary said that's a classic. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon said that this week they heard Ronnie having phone sex with an 80 year old woman. Jon asked what Christa thinks about that. Christa said that she's not bitchy in her real life. She wanted to clear that up first. Gary said she's really not.
Gary said that going back to Ronnie he knows they had him on the set of Cougar Town. Gary said that stuff is all in his head and they don't write it for him. Christa said they worked with him for 2 days and he couldn't have been lovelier. She said that she had zero of that other stuff with him. She said that she's always shocked when she hears that and when he talks like that. Natalie asked if they really don't write that stuff for Ronnie. Gary said he swears they don't. He said he has sat next to him when he's drunk and he is a horny dude. Natalie said she's impressed that it's that funny.
Jon asked Natalie if she likes Ronnie's approach to phone sex. She said she finds it entertaining and hilarious. Jon asked if they feel that the woman is getting enjoyment out of that. Christa said that she doesn't think so. She said that she heard a dog barking in that call and she wonders where she was on the phone from.
Gary said that they went to a strip club opening once and Ronnie got up and started ordering the girls around and they really listened. He said Ronnie made it a party. Natalie said it's hilarious until she thinks about him being part of her family. She said then it's like ''Oh my god.''
Jon asked if they think Ronnie will still be like that in a nursing home some day. Natalie said yes. She said she hopes someone will be calling him and fooling him into something like they do on the show now. Natalie talked about a call she loved that Benjy did with an old woman.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked Natalie if she gets excited when she hears her song coming on when they start the show. Natalie said she gets excited for the song she and Sarah did. She said it's hard to listen to herself at other times so she'll turn it down.
Jon brought up Gary's first pitch and Christa asked how much he practiced for that. Gary said he did a lot and he did it on his front lawn. Natalie asked Gary if he would do it again if they asked. Gary said he is at the point where he can't go back and do poorly again. He said he'd rather not do it. Natalie said that Gary always talked about how good he was and then Jimmy Kimmel gave him another chance and he blew that. He said Gary thought Jimmy set him up for that but if he did he wouldn't have had him pitching out into the crowd. She said he would have had him pitch to the stage. Gary said she's right. He said he's sorry that he got upset with Jimmy. He said Jimmy will be on the show on Monday and he emailed him about how sorry he was. Natalie said they've never seen Gary throw a ball like a man before. Gary said she can come up to his house and watch him do that.
Christa said she can throw a spiral football very well. She said she was asked to do it on a show and when they did the show she wasn't able to do it. She said she totally messed it up. She said that she thought she might die. She said 10 minutes later she threw a spiral but it makes her think of that when Gary talks about that. She said that he's not alone.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the David Letterman retirement thing and what they will do if Howard retires. He asked if they would bring back everyone like Jackie, Artie and Billy West. Gary said if the show were going to end he'd ask Howard how he wants it to play out. He said they want to serve the superfans but also get people in there who have never done the show.
Jon asked Christa what she wants to see out of Howard on Monday night. Christa said she loved the birthday show when Dave was on. Gary said that if you were listening at home it was a home run. He said that most people at the event didn't know what was going on. Christa said that she and Bill were listening and they were talking about how incredible it was. Gary said it was weird that night because they slowed it down for that interview. He said it was pretty interesting because Dave hadn't announced his retirement yet.
Jon asked Natalie what she'd like to see Howard do on Monday. Natalie said she'd like to see Howard pitch a baseball on Letterman.
They spent a little time talking about Faerie Fest before Jon asked Rahsaan about what the poll results were. Rahsaan gave the results saying that Brony Con came in first with 81 percent of the votes. He said Bondage Fest had 7 percent and Wizard had 5. Monster Mania and Faerie Fest came in tied for last place. They wrapped up the show a short time later. Jon mentioned they have a new feature that will air on Thursday's called ''Stern Files: Declassified.'' They were done around 11:40am.