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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about Fred Armesin and asking how he knows the Flaming Lips. He was asking Gary. Gary said he's friends with the band. Howard said they have The Flaming Lips doing a special tribute to the Beatles on Howard 101 with Fred Armesin hosting. Howard said they're in his studio talking about the Beatles and playing songs. Howard said he wasn't that familiar with their style until he heard the special. Howard said the special is premiering on Friday night at 11 on Howard 101.
Howard played a clip from the special where the Flaming Lips were performing ''All You Need is Love.'' Howard said he likes that kind of stuff.
Howard said Cheap Trick is going to come in and perform a song for them. Howard said that he loves covers like that.
Howard played another clip where Fred Armesin was doing his Ringo impression. Howard said it's a really good impression. Howard said he could listen to that all day long. He said he has that down. Howard played another clip of the Flaming Lips performing ''She's Leaving Home.''
Howard said they took a scene out of his movie and it's when he first had sex with his wife or something. Howard said it didn't fit into the movie but he was also whispering like it was after sex. Howard said you couldn't understand what he was saying. Robin said they could have dubbed it over. Howard said they could have put a crawl up on the screen.
Howard said he thought Justified was a good episode. Robin said it wasn't the greatest ending for a show but she's sad that she won't see the show again. Howard said he thinks they will see them again in a big sequel. Howard said they'll all be back. Howard said it's like JD went to acting school. Howard said he's watched the show for like 10 seasons and they're hearing the last conversation between Raylan and Boyd and you can't understand it. He said that mother fucker with the big fake teeth can't get the line out. Howard said after being in prison for awhile you can't understand him.
Howard said he painted his best painting so far this weekend. Howard said he did a landscape of a photo he took a couple of years ago. Howard said he'll show it to Robin at some point. He said he has to show it to her in person though. Howard said a picture can't do it justice.
Howard said he saw the movie ''Ex Machina'' and they gave them a word key that says it's said ''Ma-kee-na'' and not machine-a. Howard said that people were saying he was saying it the wrong way on Twitter. Howard said that's the way he was told to say it by the filmmaker. Howard said people are such dicks. Howard said this is what they put on sheet. Howard said he still doesn't know if it was right. Howard said he saw the movie and he thought it was fantastic. He said he's not just saying that either. He said if it wasn't good he wouldn't say a word about it. Howard said whatever it's called, it's really good. Howard said it should do well. Howard wondered if it opened yet. Robin said she thinks it did. Howard said the new Fast and Furious movie opened and he can't get into those movies. Howard said they're unmatchable. Robin said you have to be into cars to be into that. Howard said Ronnie is into it. Howard said he lives for that stuff. Robin said she has no desire to see it whatsoever. Howard said he likes Vin Diesel in Riddick. He said he loves those movies. Howard said he likes the tough guy movies too. Robin said he hasn't done anything other than the Fast and Furious movies lately.
Howard asked Ronnie to come in and talk about this new one. Ronnie came in and said he hasn't seen it yet. Ronnie said he was in Atlantic City this weekend. He said Brittany Shannon opened a new club down there. Howard said he doesn't remember her. Ronnie said she was in there. He said the new club is called Strip Search. Howard said Ronnie is always involved in that stuff. Ronnie said the club is a strip club and a night club. He said it's a cool place.
Howard did his Ronnie voice talking about the club. Ronnie said they have a private bar in the club and things like that. Ronnie said in the court yard there they're going to have an MMA cage set up. Howard was talking about how you can have a girl rubbing your cock while watching MMA. Fred did his Ronnie voice too and came up with some other goofy stuff.
Ronnie said they flew in Tabitha Stevens to appear there too. Howard said she's featured because she's a porn star. Ronnie said she was walking around in a nice gown saying hi to everyone. Ronnie said he got her up on the poll and naked though. He said she didn't have to but he got her up there. Howard said that's some accomplishment to get a porn star naked. Ronnie said she's retired now so it is a big deal. Ronnie said the bar is a bikini bar. He said that the strip club is full nude. He said they don't serve liquor in the strip club but they do in the night club. He said you can bring your own to the strip club. That means the girls can be fully nude. Ronnie said that you can bring a girl from one club to the other.
Howard said that he would have been right there back in the day. Ronnie said it's a cool place. He said that's the reason he didn't see the Furious 7 movie though. Howard asked what night he was there. Ronnie said he went down on Thursday and hung out with Stephanie down there. He said she was getting dances down there. Ronnie said they got there Thursday and hung out. He said they were staying in Caesar's. He said Friday night was the grand opening night. Ronnie said he did it as a friend so he didn't get paid but they did put them up in the hotel. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie voices taking about that visit to the strip club.
Howard was talking about carrying a ''ho-wah'' through the courtyard at the club. Ronnie said they have a bar out there so you can have a drink and a smoke. Howard and Fred kept going with that and even Ronnie started doing an impression of himself.
Howard said he gets it now. He said the strip club is all nude. Howard said he would start in the bikini bar. Ronnie said that's the Hideaway. Howard said he would find the hottest one and then say he wanted to move over to the Strip Search club. Howard said then he'd have that chick all over him. Ronnie said the club is small. He said that the main room is a little bigger than this (studio). Then there's an upstairs. He said that's where you go for the lap dances. He said they only dance on the polls downstairs. Howard said he'd be in a private room upstairs. Ronnie said upstairs they have couches. He said that's where you get the lap dances. Then there's a private room for more private dances. Howard said if you want to skip it all and go to the private room he'd go there. Ronnie said you can do that too. He said you have to find a girl though. Ronnie said you can bring your own booze up there. Robin asked if you can bring your own booze to the room when the girl is naked. Ronnie said you can but Howard said you can't. Ronnie said you can bring your own. Ronnie said it's self service. Howard said the strippers call that room the house or horrors.
Robin asked what it costs to get the girl to go to the strip club. Ronnie said nothing. Howard said the night would be so much easier if he just went home and jerked off. Ronnie said down in Atlantic City it's all about bachelor parties. He said he's never seen so many. Howard said that makes him wonder why anyone gets married. Ronnie said that they do some crazy stuff to the guys on stage. He said that one guy was getting whipped with a belt. He said he wonders how you explain that to your wife.
Howard said his move is to say that he has to leave but then the girl asks him not to. He said he'd like to know how much dried jizz is on the couches there. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said they have one guy there who does a lot of stuff. He said that without that guy the place wouldn't exist. Ronnie said they say that he does everything there. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Ronnie voice talking to the little Mexican guy.
Howard said it's sad when you go to the club and Ronnie is the most important guy there. Robin said she wants to see this club. Ronnie said he'll take her there. He said he'll drive down with her.
Howard said when Ronnie was in high school they have the top 5 songs. Howard played some songs that they had Ronnie singing. Howard played the top 5 in really old songs. Ronnie said he recorded the Mammy song there and something happened. He said that they called him and had him sing it over the phone for Richard. Howard replay that one and it sounded like a goat singing it.
Howard said when Ronnie was in high school he got lap dances to all of those songs. Howard said that's exciting. Ronnie said that was his weekend.
Howard said that some guy was saying that he liked her rock hard titties. Howard said she has implants and they're skin tight. Howard said there is no room for femininity in there. Howard asked where that clip is where the guy is talking about the rock hard tits. Gary told him and Howard played the clip. The guy said that he likes them rock hard titties. Robin said she's not sure what he was talking about going on all night. THE guy was saying something about lifting weights and doing it all night.
Shuli said Nicole was just nude on top. He said she was flexing and stuff too. Howard played another clip of Shuli interviewing some people. One woman said she looks like a man.
Howard said Shuli interviewed some of the strippers too. Shuli said they were just topless. He said that the owner sent the best ones to interview. Shuli asked one girl what she does when a guy jizzes in his pants. She said she asks him to go wipe off and come back later. She said some guys put on condoms. Ronnie said he'd rather have a silver dollar in his pants than put on a condom. Howard said it's a good way to avoid stains in your underpants. Shuli said that's a job where you know you're doing well when a guy cums on your leg.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions while they were talking about that. Howard played another clip of Shuli talking to a stripper about what she does when she has a smelly customer. He also asked her about Bill Cosby and the stripper said that she loves him and everything he says is so right. Shuli asked her about all of the women coming forward about the rape and being drugged. She didn't know anything about that. Another stripper said the father figures are the freaks. She hadn't heard anything about that either.
One of the girl's name was Monroe and Ronnie laughed and wondered what kind of name that is for a stripper. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie voice talking about Monroe. Howard said he was thinking Marilyn Monroe. Robin said that's what she was thinking too.
Howard played more of Shuli's interviews with the girls and one of them was talking about how she would try to talk her daughter out of doing that kind of thing. She said it's a dangerous game.
Howard and Fred kept going with their Ronnie impressions. Shuli did his impression of Ronnie too. Howard was talking about cumming on that chick's great grandmother when he was at the strip club all those years.
The guys were talking about the club Ronnie was at this weekend and how guys were coming in with coolers into the BYOB place.
Howard played another clip of Shuli talking to a stripper and she was talking about how she had danced with a girl named Isis before. Shuli asked a stripper if she would mind her husband taking a shit in the bathroom while she's in there. She was talking about how she wouldn't mind that if she has to change a baby's diaper. She said if she's sitting there she doesn't give a fuck. Howard played another clip of a stripper talking about how she and her friend talk in the bathroom while they're taking shits.
Howard played another clip where a stripper was talking about how guys have asked her to take a shit on their chest. She said that she won't let anyone pee on her but shell pee on them for at least a thousand dollars. Howard did more of his Ronnie voice and came up with more crazy stuff to do to the strippers.
Howard asked if Nicole went all the way down to West Virginia. Shuli said it's a four and a half hour drive. He said Nicole took 12 hours. He said she went 4 hours in the opposite direction. Howard asked what they could be paying her. Shuli said he knows that all of the tips that she got on the stage she was able to keep. Ronnie said that's like 21 dollars. Howard asked if she was taken to a private room at all. Shuli said he doesn't think so. Howard said she just danced on the stage then. Shuli said she must have gotten some payment but he doesn't know how much it was.
Shuli said the DJ brought Nicole up and gave her credits that lasted like 40 seconds. He said she was also bare foot up there. Shuli said when she wears shoes she's really tall. He said she looks like an NBA draft pick walking in with those shoes on. Fred did his Nicole Bass voice that sounds a lot like Herman Munster.
Howard said she's dancing around bare foot. Shuli said at one point she did a back flex to show off her back muscles. Howard was cracking up at Fred's impression of Nicole. Howard said people must have asked why the bouncer was stripping.
Fred played The Munsters theme song and the banging sound for her giant feet. He had Howard cracking up again. Shuli said he saw her swing around on the poll at one point and he said he thought that it looked like King Kong on the Empire State Building. Fred did more of his Nicole impression and Howard cracked up again.
Howard said he loves that she took 12 hours to get there from a place that was 4 and a half hours away. Shuli said there was a lot of cash on the stage there and a lot of people wanted to take pictures of her. He said she did a good job. He said she worked on it and did a good job. Shuli said you forget how big she is. He said her hands are bigger than most of the guy's arms.
Howard introduced ''Nicole Munster'' and Fred played more of the theme song and foot crashing sounds. Howard said she sweats like crazy too. Shuli said that her boyfriend came out with a towel to wipe her down. He said it looked like he was wiping down a car. Fred said her back looks like a water slide. Howard was cracking up talking about that. He said he should have gone. Ronnie said he ''would have went'' but they were out in L.A. at the tine. Howard goofed on Ronnie for saying ''Would have went.''
Howard asked if he can go home now. Robin said she's sorry she missed this. Howard asked if they have pictures. Shuli said Jason has them all. He said he does have pictures. Howard said he hasn't done any commercials yet. He said he'd rather just do 4 hours and then go home.
Howard said they had that hypnotist who hypnotized Ronnie. He said he calls in every week with new things he wants to do to Ronnie. His name is Scott Schmaren. Howard played a clip of Scott saying that he wants to have Ronnie have sex under hypnosis and think he's really having sex so he has an orgasm in there. Howard asked Ronnie if he would do that. Ronnie said he'll do it. He said he's up for anything. Howard said it would be great if he gave Ronnie a BJ just to get him to do that. Howard told Gary to book the guy so they can do this.
Shuli said that guy wanted to hypnotize him to stop smoking. Howard said he'd like to hypnotize Ronnie into being a normal guy. Robin said it would be great if they could make him hate strippers. Shuli said that would rip a hole in the space time continuum if they did that.
Howard said that Schmaren sounds like what you have in your pants when you cum. Ronnie said that's what the guy is doing now that they heard this. Howard said he really has to take a break. They spent a little more time talking about Nicole Bass and how she's the only stripper who can strip and do security at the same time. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said it says she checked into rehab last month. He asked where she is now. She said they tried to make her go to rehab and she started to sing about how they can't make her go.
Liza said they don't let you drink in rehab. She said she's been there 6 times and that means the next time is free. She said they call it re-re-re-re-re-rehab when you go that many times.
Howard said he's out of questions for Liza. He asked what made her check in. She said she took a long hard look into a mirror and that made her want to drink even more. Howard asked her to sing something to them. Liza started to sing a little bit and said her career has been in rehab since 1986.
Howard said she had a reality show where she married a gay man. Liza said they tried but after 6 months they weren't able to come up with any reality. Howard asked if Liza has found love. She said she hasn't. She said after Benjy got the finger up the ass she figured she might have to marry him.
Howard said he had enough of Liza. He let her go and said he's pretty sure that wasn't the real Liza. Howard asked why she doesn't come on this show. He said she really should. Howard said he'd like to interview her. Howard said she was in a great movie with Dudley Moore called ''Arthur'' and she did something else too. Robin said she was in Cabaret too. Gary said she was in Sterile Cuckoo too. Howard said that wasn't the real Liza of course.
Benjy said he and Elisa made out a couple of weeks ago. He said that he almost got hit by a car and she was worried about him. Benjy said he thinks she still loves him. Robin said she thinks they're both crazy. She said this isn't love.
Howard played a clip of Elisa singing about Gonzo Shitcock on her show. Eli said that Gonzo told him that he's going to get a hotel room when he comes to New York so they don't have to bang in an apartment that Benjy is paying for. Howard asked if he's a good looking guy. Eli said he thinks Gonzo is. Howard said something has to be bothering Benjy about her. Benjy said that he didn't break up. Howard said he dated a lot of hot chicks and broke up with them. Benjy said he loves Elisa but she has issues and so does he.
Eli said maybe he should stage more close calls so Elisa can kiss him more. Benjy said he did think about that. Howard said that Gonzo might want to look into a more expensive hotel room than a $300 room. Howard said that's not much of a room there in New York.
Eli said that he has some shows coming up and you can find out more at EliBraden.com. Howard said that's not what he meant when he asked if he had more. Howard played a song parody about Robin that Eli sent in. He asked how much he has to spend on a hotel when he's there to get Robin. Howard said 300 bucks. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Hanzi asked if he can get him to meet some celebrities. Howard said sure. Hanzi asked to meet some wrestling chicks. Howard said he can hook him up with Nicole Bass. Hanzi said he wants a WWE chick. Howard said he's in the Illuminati so he can get anyone he wants. Hanzi said he wants one named Paige. Howard said thanks for the call again. Howard said he did get him phone sex with Whitney Cummings. Howard played that call to remind everyone. Whitney called Hanzi and had phone sex with him. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they're having a little fun this morning. Robin asked if he heard that prank call where the woman was pretending to be on a porn set and the pizza guy says he's hard and he has to go make pizza. Howard said he did. Howard said they also just played some Underdog Lady song. Howard said he likes that dance remix. Howard played it again for Robin. Howard asked if he played the clips of them going out on the street and asking people what they thought of the new Taylor Swift song. Howard played that and people were saying it was very fresh and sounded good. One guy said he's a big fan and it fits right in with her style.
Howard played another version of the Underdog song. Howard said it sounds a little more western. Howard said that was Psych who put that one together. Howard said he thinks he likes the first one. Robin agreed.
Howard said they listened to about 50 different pronunciations for their sponsor ''Ex Machina'' and every one is different. Howard played a bunch and said that was no help.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there. Howard said a lot of people call in and don't hang in there. Howard said he has another tag in his shirt. He said it's making him nuts. Robin said she was about to sing the Underdog song. Howard got her out of it by playing a song parody about Robin's crack. Howard said that was Mike Morose who did that one.
The caller who was missing finally got on the phone. The guy said he was making breakfast for his kid. Howard told him to pay attention to the show and not his kid. Howard asked what was on his mind. The caller said that Time Magazine has the most influential list and he wondered if Howard told them to fuck off or do they just ignore him. Howard said they invite him every year and he doesn't go and that gets you off the list. Howard said he thinks they're just pissed that he doesn't show up. He said he doesn't play that game. He said it's not that important to be on any lists. He said his free time is more important to him.
Howard said he thinks he was on a most influential list. He said he thinks it was the Hollywood Reporter. Howard said they asked him to be on the cover but he said they could put an old photo on the cover but he wasn't going to do a photo shoot. Howard said it's not that important to him anymore. He said there was a time when it was. He said that he doesn't particularly like the way he looks. Howard said he wants photo approval too and they don't want to give it to him. He said he doesn't end up promoting the magazine if they pick a bad shot. Howard said he assures them that he will approve at least one photo but they don't want that. Howard said he gets frustrated and gives up.
Howard said he doesn't like being interviewed anymore either. He said he is doing Letterman's last 2 weeks though. He said he does it under protest. The caller asked if he's going to be on the last show. Howard said it will not be the last one. He said he thinks it'll be Bill Murray or something. Howard said he thinks Dave wants to do a Johnny Carson kind of ending. Howard said he will go off and become a recluse after the final show.
Howard said he thinks Dave is an innovator. Howard said he was very kind to him so he'll do one of the last shows in the final 2 weeks.
The caller asked if there is any truth to the story about the Sony e-mails where they said that Simon Cowell wanted him out of AGT. Howard said that's something that he's part of the Sony leaks. Howard said that he brought it up to a friend and the friend asked if he was part of the Wikileaks or the Sony leaks. Howard said that it might be the Wikileaks. Howard said he can't stand that someone went in and broke in and leaked that stuff. He said printing it is no better. Howard said that he called it cyber terrorism that day and the NY Post made fun of him about that. Howard said he'll never understand why they did that. Howard said it was cyber terrorism.
Robin asked what his leak was. Howard said it's really weird. He asked JD if he has the audio clips. Howard said these hackers dumped a shitload of emails for people to look through. Howard said you go on the web and look through the email and people are sifting through it. Howard said he's mentioned in one of the hacks. Howard said it took him by surprise. Howard said he was fascinated by it. Howard said it seems that Simon Cowell evidently has a deal with Sony so this is why he's part of it. Howard said he has a deal with his music publishing and all of that. Howard said Simon evidently knows this guy at Sony and the guy at Sony had a conversation where he said to NBC that Simon wants to host America's Got Talent and fire Howard Stern to make him the judge. Howard said you say to yourself that Simon owns AGT. Howard said the truth is that Simon doesn't own it. Howard said he owns a chunk of it. Howard said Freemantle and NBC own it. Howard said NBC holds all of the cards because they shell out the money and put it on TV. Howard said it turns out NBC told Simon to go fuck himself and they're sticking with Howard Stern. Howard said that Simon wanted to save them money by doing it in L.A.
Howard said he read it and it felt weird and uncomfortable at first. Then he thought about it and it was kind of a compliment that they stuck with him. Howard said there was a chance he wouldn't go back so they could go to Simon Cowell if he left. Howard said that maybe he'd be a good replacement. Howard said it might be good for Simon to reemerge. Howard said he thought about doing the show again and ended up signing with them. Howard said there was something about it that was bothering him though. He said somewhere behind the scenes Simon was trying to take away his job. Howard said what if he really needed that job? Howard said he has conducted his job and he's never plotted behind the scenes to take someone's job. Howard said he would never do that. Howard said he doesn't want to be responsible for that kind of thing. Howard said he has told people that he doesn't feel comfortable undermining someone's career. He said he won't do that.
Howard said that this was bothering him and it freaked him out. He said he doesn't conduct his career like that. Howard said that if Simon wants his job then maybe he can have it after this year. The caller said the guy is a fucking dick. He said he used to watch the show and it got stale but then they brought in Howard Stern and it got good again. Howard said he thinks NBC likes him on the show. Howard said it's the number 1 summer show. Howard said that he saw Simon last year and he came by with his new wife and baby. Howard said he talked to him for like an hour or so. Howard said he was very complimentary toward him. Howard said that stuff like this goes on all the time in Hollywood. Howard said his personal code would never allow him to do something like that to someone else.
Howard said when they went to K-Rock they replaced Jay Thomas. Howard said he was willing to do afternoons. Howard said that if Jay left mornings he'd do that. Howard said he felt weird taking someone's job.
Gary came in and said that he's been in meetings with Howard where Howard has told management that he didn't want to screw people over. He said it's weird that management will ask him and he says no. Howard said they'll ask him if he wants them gone and he will say he despises that human being but they have a right to make money and he doesn't want that karma.
Howard said when Simon came by in the summer he felt his envy on his back. He said he thought it was just him projecting but now he's thinking different. The caller said just imagine that Howard gets bigger applause than Simon Cowell. He said he loves Howard.
Howard said he remembers when they came to him and asked if he was okay if they hired Fred Imus. Howard said he didn't care. He said it was up to them. Howard said they thought he was giving him a wink or something. Howard said he may recommend someone once in a while but he's not going to stop someone from being hired. Howard said he doesn't care who it is. He doesn't want them coming to him asking who to hire or not hire. Howard said he doesn't know Fred Imus but he knows his brother. Howard said Fred can have a job as far as he's concerned. Howard said he won't stand in the way of them hiring anyone.
Howard said some of the people they hire there rub him the wrong way. He said that he helped build that place to what it is now. Howard said if they didn't have subscribers and fans there then they wouldn't be the success they are. Howard said he won't use his weight around there to get rid of people. Howard said it's creepy to read that email about what Simon was saying. Howard said that that's creepy. Howard said it's not even throwing your name into the mix when someone is leaving. He said it's trying to get rid of someone. Howard said it's like Jay Leno hiding a closet to try to get David Letterman's gig. Howard said it's creepy.
Howard said he doesn't like knowing that this was going on. He said he'd rather not know. Howard said if he wasn't going back to the show he'd understand it. He said this was more like ''Fire Howard Stern.'' Howard said that's not right.
Robin said she remembers when they were on fire back around the Private Parts days and how people were trying to get to be a part of that. Howard said even when Sirius wanted to start the ISIS channel he didn't object. Robin said she thinks that she would reject that.
Robin read about Ben Affleck who came out and said that he had ancestors who owned slaves. Howard said he wished his ancestors owned anything. He said they didn't own a thing and it's embarrassing. Robin said that someone looked up the ancestors who owned Michelle Obama's ancestors as slaves. Robin said the people would slam doors in the people's faces. Robin said this guy went back and looked up Ben Affleck's family and they discovered that one of his ancestors was a slave owner. Robin said Ben asked them to edit that out of the show. Robin said they aired the segment and nothing was said about slave ownership and then the leak happened. Robin said that she has changed her view of Ben now. Howard said she's being sarcastic now. Robin said of course she is. She said she assumes every white man owned a slave.
Robin asked the caller what else he saw. The caller said he saw the Batman Vs. Superman trailer. Howard said he saw that too. He said it's great. Robin asked how he sees all of this. Howard said he only left the house twice this weekend. He said he hurt himself running. He said he hurt his neck. He said he can't even run now. Howard said he thinks he's done now. He said he's going to get himself all fat now. Howard said Rush Limbaugh just does his radio show and you never see him. He said that's what he should do.
The caller said that the new videos that they put on Facebook seem like they're ramping up to do a Howard TV thing. Howard said he has some ideas and he's trying to figure out everything. Howard said their contracts are up in January and he has to figure out what he's going to do. Howard said he has to do some evaluating. Howard said he's sure Robin and Fred have to as well.
Howard said he doesn't care what Benjy wants to do. Benjy asked if Howard would want to start later than 7. Howard said he doesn't think he would want to. He said that he wants to figure out how to get paid for not doing anything. Howard said years ago the religious freaks were collecting money to get him off the air. He said he wanted them to pay him to stay off the air instead and he would have done that. He said they didn't see things the same way. Benjy said he should do a kickstarter campaign to get paid not to do radio. Howard said that won't work. He said people want to hear him. Howard said he would love to be able to just pop on the air at any time on Sirius but they have guests and things. Benjy said if he started at 9 or 10 he'd never have to worry about sleep. Howard said it's not about that. He said maybe starting the show at 8 would be okay. Benjy said he's thinking 9. Benjy asked what time he goes to sleep when he's on vacation. Howard said they go to bed at 10 or so.
Howard said goodbye to the caller but the caller wanted to hear his thoughts on the Batman Vs. Superman thing. Howard said it looks cool but it's not really explained. Howard said he's not sure who is playing Superman. Howard asked the caller who is playing him. The caller said he thinks that it's the same guy as the last Superman. Howard said Ben Affleck is playing Batman. The caller said that they have Lex Luthor in the movie too. He said he's played by Jesse Eisenberg. Howard said Ralph beat off 12 times to the trailers.
Fred asked if Howard dislikes people who disrespect him professionally. Howard said yes. Fred said that's what Simon did to him. Howard asked why he did that. Fred said he was just trying to push him out. He said that he was brought on board because he brings something to the table. Fred said Simon just looked at Howard like he doesn't matter. Howard said they might be getting him worked up. He said he's got to focus his energy somewhere so maybe he'll have to do that with this. Howard said he doesn't approve of these leaks either. Howard said that it's not cool to do that.
Howard asked if Benjy is still friends with Ivy Supersonic. Benjy said he is. Howard asked if she fucked Benjy. Ivy said that when people date things happen. Benjy had already told Howard that they fucked. Benjy asked if she regrets it. Ivy said not at all. She said he was a very nice person.
Ivy asked if Benjy is mad at her for setting Elisa up on a date last night. Benjy said he wants to shut the world off on all of that. Howard said he's the one who brought them all in.
Howard asked who Ivy set her up with. Ivy said it's a friend of her's. She said there are like 10 people who control the federal reserve. She said that he was Sophia Vergara's ex-fiance Nick Loeb. Howard said he feels like it's a fuck you to Benjy.
Ivy claims that Elisa asked her to set her up with Nick. Ivy said that Nick's family controls a lot of the country's money. She said she doesn't have to set her up with him. Benjy said that she's bull shitting about some of this. Howard asked if the Elisa went out with him. Ivy said she threw a party for a guy and she invited Benjy. He didn't show up. Nick showed up. She said that Elisa and Nick showed up. She said Nick asked if she thought Elisa would go out with him. Ivy said she asked if she had a shot. Ivy said he told her that she's too old. Howard said at least he's honest.
Ivy said she set the date up last night. Then Elisa has her show on and she was telling everyone about the date before it even happened. Howard asked where this is going. Gary said he gets that it's a plug for this guy's company.
Ivy said that she'll tell the story if they let her. Gary said that he has a great piece of tape to play of Benjy and Ivy having sex. Ivy asked them to please not do this now. Howard played the clip. Ivy kept talking. Howard said he wants to hear this tape. Howard said he doesn't believe this is real. Benjy said it was real.
Howard told Ivy to go on. Ivy went on to talk about what Elisa did on her show and how Nick showed up. She said Nick got there and told her that she talked about him on her show and he left. Benjy asked how he heard about that. He said there's no way that he knew about it. Ivy said she had the link to the show on her Facebook. Howard told Ivy to go out with Benjy because he's single again. Ivy said she'd rather date Elisa. Benjy said ''Fuck you!'' to her as Howard hung up. Benjy asked why people keep putting him down. He said that he's been nothing but nice to her. Howard said this is kind of fascinating. Robin said Elisa is very self destructive. Howard said she ruined her chance at getting the catch of the century. Robin said it's bizarre.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man. Speech said that guy earlier took his question about Batman Vs. Superman. Robin asked why he's still on the phone. Speech told her to shut up. He said people want to hear from him. He said he's a contributor to the show. Howard thanked him for the call. Speech asked Howard what he thinks about the show The voice. Howard said he has to go. He let Speech go after that.
Howard said they have to hire this guy. He said they can make him JD's assistant. The guy told Wolfie he's a virgin and he's 24 years old. He said he's got a lot going on in his life. He doesn't have time for that. Howard said he's busy with his comic book and he don't have a car. Howard said they really have to hire this guy. Howard and Fred did an impression of the guy.
Howard played more of the audio of Wolfie interviewing the guy and Howard said he sounds like Gilbert Gottfried in a weird way.
Howard played more of the guy talking about comic books and Howard told Gary to get that guy hired. Gary said they'll track him down. Howard asked where Wolfie is. He said he's always on the phone except when you need him.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather fuck Nicole Bass or Bruce Jenner as a woman. Robin said she thinks she'd go with Bruce since he used to be a man.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Fred if he hates Benjy. Fred said he likes him. He said he has disagreements with him but he doesn't dislike him. Howard asked Fred if there is anyone he does dislike. Fred said that he doesn't dislike anyone there.
The caller said that he thinks it's wrong that people post stuff on the web and they don't shut it down. He said it really bothers him. Howard said it bothers him too. Howard said that it's up to Sirius to do that. The caller said they must have the power to do that. Howard said you'd think Sirius would. The caller said they don't need DJs to do shows on the music channels either. He said it must make Howard nuts.
The caller said he has a great Ronnie fact. He asked Howard how many tweets he thinks Ronnie has sent out. Howard said most of them are barely in English. He said Ronnie types on his phone with one finger like the apes in 2001 A Space Odyssey. Howard goofed on Ronnie about that for a minute. Howard said Ronnie's two favorite things are pussy and tweeting. The caller asked if he wanted the number. Howard thought about it and tried to figure out how many tweets he's sent out. Howard said Ronnie tweets with a Blackberry. He said he likes that keyboard. Howard asked how many followers he has. The caller said Ronnie has over 100,000. The caller said that Ronnie responds to half the people who tweet him.
Howard said that someone wrote a note about how Ronnie posts naked pictures and then posts something about 9/11. Will came in and said that Ronnie posts ''Never forget 9/11'' after posting things like that. Ronnie came in asking what the hell they're talking about. He told Will that he's full of shit. Ronnie said he never did that.
Howard asked Ronnie why he still has a Blackberry. Ronnie said he likes it. JD came in with some tweets. He had the 9/11 post. He posted it after the tit pics. Ronnie said he doesn't post that stuff on 9/11. He said it's none of that on that day. JD said he always tells his hot chicks to be respectful on those days.
Benjy read something that Ronnie had posted but Ronnie said that's the fake Ronnie. Benjy said it's @RMLimoDriver69. Ronnie said that's him but he didn't write what he read. Benjy read that again and Ronnie said that he didn't write that. He said maybe it was tagged by someone else.
Jason came in and said that it is connected to his account. Ronnie said he never wrote it. Jason said it was from 2011 and it may have been about the hurricane Irene. Ronnie said that's possible.
Howard asked the caller how many tweets Ronnie has sent out. The caller, Kevin, said it's 31,466. Howard said that he stopped Tweeting because so many people were bad mouthing him. Howard said it's not that many.
Benjy said he has it. It's 2,853. Howard said that's because he doesn't tweet that much. He said it bums him out when people bad mouth him.
Benjy found Robin's tweets. It was only 1,334. Howard said Robin keeps losing her pass to get into the building. Robin said she left it there, she didn't lose it. Ronnie said he has to keep getting her a new one. Robin said he hasn't had to do that in a long time. Robin said she has only had to get about 3 new ones in the past 10 years. Ronnie said they have it on record how many times she's lost it. He said she left it in her suitcase last time. He asked why she would carry it in her suitcase. Robin said she didn't want it in her purse. Robin said it was in the purse she was carrying. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He did alive commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he's amazing. He said that's really good. Gary said he heard that he does a good Ronnie too. Howard said no kidding. He said he does impressions that no one else does. Howard said he's seen a lot of impressions on AGT and everyone does Christopher Walken. He said they all do Seinfeld and Jack Nicholson. Gary said he heard Sour does a Ross Zapin and Jim McClure impression too. Howard said that's awesome.
Robin started off with a story about a man who weighs more than 1000 pounds. Howard said he can see getting to that point. Robin said that's a lot of work. Robin said that a TV station is reporting that this man had to be moved from his home with the use of a crane. Robin said he had to be loaded on a flat bed truck and driven to his new home.
Howard said he just read about how Conan O'Brien blasted one of his writers over his tweets. Howard said that's great. Howard said that some of the tweets the guys write are just idiotic. Howard said the writer put down the Jimmy Fallon show over something. Howard read the tweets that this guy wrote. Gary told Howard to go to the last page. Howard said Conan wrote back to the writer who asked his writers to concentrate on making his show more funny instead of concentrating on the state of other late night shows.
Howard said that he was looking at the ratings for the different markets and he saw that the number 1 station in Washington DC is a college station. Howard said he was looking to see how DC101 was doing and a college station is at number 1. Howard said he loves that they're kicking everyone's ass. Howard spent a little time talking about how some of the stations they used to be on are just gone now.
Howard went through the top 5 songs really quickly after Robin mentioned Casey Kasem. Howard said that's all they need. Howard replayed some of the songs as they were recorded by High Pitch Eric and Ed Torian the lie detector guy.
Robin read a story about Sam Smith and how Howard may have really hurt him. Robin said he had a number one song for a while. Robin had Howard play some of that. Robin said Howard said he was kind of fat and gay. Robin said that Sam says that the weight thing hurts more than the gay slurs. Howard said he said he likes him because he's kind of fat and he's gay and he's like him in a way. He said he's an outcast. Robin said Sam says that he used to eat to get him through the day. Robin said he's lost some weight recently and people have noticed. Howard said he's getting too skinny. Robin said she hopes that gets back to him. Howard said he wishes that the people in his office would listen to him when he says they're too fat. Howard said Jason takes a crane into work these days. Howard asked what he's weighing these days. Jason is up around 290 or so. Howard asked how many times he's used his treadmill. Jason said twice in the month that he's had it. Howard asked if it's true that he had a gym membership that he never used. Jason said that is true. He said that he had a year membership and he never went. He said after the year he bought the treadmill. Howard said he's the guy that the gym's rely on to keep them in business.
Howard said Jason will eat sushi when he wants to eat healthy but he dips it all in Mayonnaise. Gary said they squirt that stuff on the roll. Jason said that's why he gets it on the side. Howard did a live commercial read and took another break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and asked Robin what else she had in the news. Robin read about a guy who basically invented the shopping mall. Robin said this guy A Alfred Taubman was the guy who figured how to put the stores in the back and the parking in the front. Robin said he is now dead at the age of 91.
Howard said he just read that a web site called 411Mania.com has a list of 5 movies that are based on true things that are great. Howard said Private Parts is in there. Howard said that's all they really care about. Howard said that movie really was great. Howard said he doesn't need to do another one. Howard said he's done enough.
Robin read a story about Britt McHenry from ESPN who was recorded berating a person at a towing lot. Robin said she's been suspended for a week because of what she did. Howard said it disturbed him that they edited out the clerk's comments. Howard said JD was defending this chick. Howard said a hot chick can do no wrong in JD's eyes. JD said they did edit out the clerk's comments and you don't know if she was being intimidated herself. JD said there are two sides to every story.
Howard said someone wrote to him asking him to go on Letterman in blackface. Howard said that's kind of difficult to do these days.
Robin read a story about wine and the shape of the glass. Robin asked if it really matters. Howard said it does. He said he likes a thin neck goblet type of glass. Robin said this story says that it does affect flavor. Howard said he doesn't really know that much about wine but he and his wife have a wine of the month club thing that someone gave them. He said they opened a bottle of white wine and it was the most delicious he's ever had. He said it was 10 bucks a bottle. Robin said the taste has nothing to do with price. Robin said it all depends on how it's produced. Howard asked why she ordered an $800 bottle if she doesn't care about that. Robin said she didn't mean for him to get 3 of them and it was from a winery she had visited. She didn't even see the price. She said the bottle made it's way around the table once. Howard said it did not.
Robin asked Howard if he has his badge to get into the building with him. Howard said of course he does. He was able to produce it within seconds. Robin said she thought that he didn't need it since Ronnie was always with him.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart talking about why he's leaving The Daily Show. Robin said Jon says that politics seem very repetitive to him. Robin said he doesn't feel there will be anything wildly different about the 2016 election. Howard said he gets that. He said Jon has had enough. Howard asked what Jon is going to do. Robin said he wants to do other things. She said he may do more movies or something.
Robin read a story about John Hinkley and how he gets to spend 17 days a month with his mother at her house. Robin said his freedom comes in stages. Robin said that a real estate agent says he's pointed out where his mother lives and only a few people have been deterred by it. Robin said that no one will touch him with a 10 foot pole though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story today being 4/20 which is a big day for marijuana enthusiasts. Robin had Howard play a clip of some Bob Marley music. Howard said once you hear that steel drum you know there's weed coming up. Howard said nothing matters when you smoke weed. He said it's comforting when you have no job. Howard said everything is fucked up. Robin said Amazon.com has a whole category for marijuana gifts. Robin had some audio of some people talking about this day and what it means. Howard said it's just so dumb that it's illegal. Howard said that today is also Hitler's birthday and Ralph's birthday. Robin said she would say that Ralph is probably the pot smoker out of those two.
Howard said they got a lot of positive email about Ronnie and Ralph fighting last week. He read through some of those emails.
Robin read a story about the Columbine high school shootings that took place 16 years ago. Robin said that it's also the 5th anniversary of the oil rig that exploded in the Gulf of Mexico and spilled for 87 days.
Howard read a story about cell phone radiation being real and how to protect yourself from it. Howard read the tips they had and they say keep the phone away from you and text more than call. Howard said they tell you not to store it in your pocket or under your pillow. Howard asked how you can wear one of those watches with the same technology in it. Robin said she wore one of those fitness bands and it was starting to sting her.
Robin read a story about ISIS releasing a video of some Ethiopian Christians being beheaded. Robin said there may be some people who left this country to learn how to be terrorists and coming home.
Howard said tomorrow they're going to play ''Dumber than a Box Of Rocks.'' Robin said they haven't done that in a long time.
Robin read a story about Marco Rubio talking about global warming and how he doesn't believe it. Howard asked who he is to question it. He asked if he's a scientist. Robin said he's more worried about the economy being destroyed over it. Howard played a promo for the Dumber than a Box of Rocks game and did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton's run for President and had some audio of Senator Jim Webb commenting on that. Howard said he finds it odd that no one else is trying to run. Robin said there are some others who are stepping forward and hoping to get their names out there for future elections. Robin had some other audio clips that she played.
Howard said according to IMDB Ralph turns 50 today. Howard said he doesn't think that's right. Gary said he can see him not wanting to celebrate that. Howard said most people have a celebration. Robin said not everyone does. Robin said she didn't have one for her 50th or 40th. Howard said they had a big one for his 60th but he did that for the radio. Howard said Beth doesn't want any celebrations.
Robin read more about the election campaigns and also read a story about White House security being on the agenda. Robin said that there was a Florida man who landed a gyro copter on the Capitol lawn last week. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he wasn't intercepted on the way like he expected. Howard said some people were calling him a hero. Howard asked if he landed on the White House lawn. Robin said it was at the Capitol. Gary came in and said that this guy announced he was going to do this. He said he didn't expect not to be seen flying in. Gary said the last thing he expected was for no one to be there. Howard said he heard he flew under the radar. Gary said he stayed under 300 feet so that's what he did. Howard asked why they didn't shoot the guy down. Gary said even the guy is surprised he wasn't shot down. Howard said he hopes he gets 4 years in prison. Robin said they say there's been another breach of security at the White House. Robin said another person scaled the White House fence and got in.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it's not his 50th birthday. He said he's 49. Howard asked if he's telling the truth. Ralph asked why he would say different. Howard said some people don't like being 50. Ralph went off on Ronnie again. He said that Ronnie was sleeping out by the pool in Los Angeles when he was supposed to be doing security. Ronnie came in and said he was sleeping. Ralph asked why he was sleeping. Ronnie said Howard was in his room asleep. He said they were in between times that he was leaving the hotel. Ronnie said Ralph came down and sat with them because he was bored. Ralph said he was sitting with Howard. Ralph said Ronnie was sleeping by the pool with his socks on. Ronnie said he wasn't sleeping. Ralph said he was.
Ronnie asked if he wants to do this all over again. He said they can go there. Ralph said they can but he was sleeping on the job. Ronnie said he had to meet Howard at 6 and he met him on time. Ralph said he doesn't even know what day he's talking about. Ronnie said he does. Ralph said he's going to post the picture and they'll see what people have to say. Ronnie said he can get started on that too. He said that he had Joe on the phone earlier and he was going to go off on Ralph about the plane thing. Ronnie said Ralph was upset that Joe was sitting in that seat. Ralph tried to say something but Ronnie spoke over him. Ralph said that what he's saying about Joe isn't true. Ronnie said it is true.
Ronnie and Ralph went at each other for a minute. Howard let them go at it without interrupting. Ronnie said that Ralph was yelling at the stewardess and Toni and others. Gary said he's known Toni for a really long time and she's almost impossible to get upset. Ralph said he was just annoyed. Howard said he could have avoided that whole thing. He said he's not sure he wants to get into it though. Howard said Ralph could have just come with him and avoided the whole thing. Ronnie said one day he had to carry Howard's stuff even thoguh it's Ralph's job. Ralph said he didn't ask him to do that. Ronnie said he's a fucking liar. He said Ralph asked him to carry his shirt at NBC Universal at the photo shoot. He said he took it back to Howard's room too. He said Ralph was so busy that he wasn't able to carry it. Ralph said he told him he was going to put it in the car. Ronnie said Ralph was too busy at Craft Services to carry it. Ronnie said that they all know Ralph is full of shit.
Howard said that Ralph could have avoided the argument with Toni if he had just gotten in his car. He said they had 12 hours to go get his thing. He said he could have avoided that whole thing. Ralph said that he had to get his stuff. Howard said he had all day to get his stuff. Howard said when you tell him to do something he has to do the opposite. Ralph said Howard twists shit. Howard said he's not and Ronnie isn't either. Howard said he's trying to help him.
Robin said maybe Ralph just doesn't see himself. Howard said he does. Howard said he could straighten his life out in a minute. He said he puts up a fight though. Howard said if he ever wants to be a winner he'll help him. He said Ralph has talked about wanting to do things for years but he can't get it together.
Gary said Jon Leiberman is their guy and he has done research and found that Ralph is definitely 50 today. Ralph said there should be a huge celebration today if that's the case. Ronnie said he knows Ralph is 50.
Howard had Jon Leiberman on the phone and Jon said the official database they use shows that Ralph turns 50 this month. He said that's the official record. Ronnie said he knew he was 50. Ronnie said they can run his name and he has people who can do that. Gary asked if he is lying about his name like a chick. Ralph said he's not. Ralph said he's actually 53. Howard said he thinks he's lying because it's embarrassing.
Howard asked if he is lying about his age. Ralph said if Jon says he's 50 then he must be 50. Jon said Ralph is 50 years old. Howard asked if he's possibly confused. Ralph said he's confused about everything else so why not.
Ralph asked Ronnie if he's supposed to keep people out of Howard's dressing room too. He was being very cryptic. Ralph said something happened in New Jersey. Ronnie said that it is his job and he knows what happened in New Jersey. Ralph asked if he was sleeping. Ronnie said he must have been. Ronnie said Ralph knows everything and no one else knows anything.
Howard thanked Jon for the call. Howard said they're just going to ignore it now. Ralph asked why it matters how old you are. Howard said he's 50. Ralph said he's 49. Robin said she's wondering if he has any sexual offenses.
Ralph said he had a blood test over the holidays and he came back clean. Howard said that's impossible. Howard said he has fucked some of the biggest skanks in the world but he claims he can tell if they have something going on down there. Ralph said he is almost 50 and wisdom comes with age. Ronnie said he knew he was 50.
Ronnie and Ralph got into it over the tailgate closing thing again. Ralph said all he did was look for the button to close the trunk. He said Ronnie yelled at him to leave it alone. Ronnie said he told him he'd take care of it. He told him to calm down.
Ralph said that Howard has all kinds of stuff of himself around his apartment. He said Howard makes fun of him but he has stuff all over his apartment. Howard said he has pictures of himself because it's his house. Howard said Ralph isn't The Hulk or Thor. Ralph laughed. Howard hung up on him and said happy birthday to him as he played him off with Mike Morse's ''Ralphie Cakes'' song. Howard said that song is so fucking true. He said he still has tags in his shirt. He said no job gets done. He said the funny thing is that Ralph loves that song. He said he sings it to him.
Robin read a story about how Bobbi Christina has awakened according to Bobby Brown. Robin said that is good news.
Robin read about how Bruce Jenner's big interview is coming up this Friday. Robin said ABC isn't letting out any information about the show except for a couple of clips. She had a short clip of one of the things they did release.
Robin read a story about Taylor Swift's mom gushing over her daughter at the Country Music Awards. Robin had some audio of the mom talking about her daughter when she introduced her. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Eddie wasn't aware of the Nicole Bass thing. Jon told him that Nicole was topless down in West Virginia. Eddie said he's wondering what's going on down below. Jon said Shuli was there and said that the crowd was very excited about the appearance. Eddie wondered if there was a dick under those pants. He said that she has some pretty manly arms. Jon said they did debate her prowess and if she can turn guys on. Eddie said he would be interested in watching that lap dance but he's not sure he'd get turned on.
Jon said that they're going to take a break and get to the Ronnie and Ralph fight after that.
Jon said today is Ralph's birthday and they thought it was his 50th. He said Jon Leiberman and Ralph did some research and found out he is 50. Jon asked why people care so much. Eddie said that the big deal is that he doesn't remember his own birthday. Eddie said this might be cause for concern. Eddie asked why anyone would give the shit about the difference between 49 and 50. He said people forget that they've been listening to them for the past 30 years or so. Jon said that's what makes the show what it is.
Eddie said that he listens to the show and this stuff is real. He said that you put microphones in front of people and just let them roll.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Ralph didn't know he was 50 or maybe he's just a total bullshitter. She said he may not know when he's telling a lie or telling the truth. Jon said that's a good point. Jon said that he did seem to cop to it toward the end of the conversation. Eddie said that he was deflecting too. He said he was telling Howard about the stuff he has around his apartment and that wasn't what the whole discussion was about.
Eddie said he loves Ralph but just own owning the action figures. He said that it's fine to be that guy and just be him. Jon said that he usually does. Eddie said Ralph hosts Geektime and that's who he is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ralph is such a good source of comedy on the show. He said he almost pisses his pants listening. Eddie asked if he denies being 50 to get more air time. Jon said he doesn't thinks because he wasn't the one who brought it up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ralph opened up a new can of worms with the New Jersey incident and what exactly went on there. Jon said he doesn't know but it sounds like he was trying to put some doubt out there between Howard and Ronnie. The caller said it seemed like it was out of desperation. Eddie said that Ralph must have just be grasping at straws.
Jon asked Eddie about Benjy and Elisa and what's going on with them. Eddie said he was running around Sirius today so he missed what he was saying today. Jon asked if he thinks that he could ever let her out of his life. Eddie said it sounds like he's still into her. Eddie said they say that it takes half the amount of time of the relationship to move on. He said some say it takes the full time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he forgets his age all the time. He said he hates Ralph but he thinks he could be wrong about his age. He said he knows what year he was born but he forgets his age. Jon asked if he would know he was turning 50. The caller said if people were throwing it in his face maybe. He said he just realized he was turning 40 this year when people started bringing it up. Eddie said that if you have nice even numbers it shouldn't take that long to figure it out. Jon said he would get it if he was turning 48 or something.
Gary came in and said that Stuttering John shaved 3 years off his age at one point. He said that he was trying to get ahead in business and that's what he did. Jon said that he did that for a good reason though. He said this isn't a good reason. Eddie said that shaving 3 years off isn't going to help you. Gary agreed. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that they had a lot of talk about Ronnie today. Gary said he loves the fights on the show. He said that the real fights are great. He said you can tell that the one between Ronnie and Ralph is real. Gary said Ralph is very passive aggressive. He said he loves when he does that except when he does it to him. Jon said he thinks Ronnie took Ralph down today. He said he doesn't think he fared that well.
Gary said it was weird to him when Ralph sounded surprised that he was 50. Jon said he thinks he knew and he just got caught denying it.
Jon said he wants to talk about the Simon Cowell thing. He said that Howard was upset that someone was lobbying for someone else's job. He said that Robin and Fred were upset that he was trying to steal Howard's job and push him out. Gary said he's wondering why he would do that if it's his own show. Gary said he thought it was kind of an economic thing. Eddie asked if they know what the timing of it was. Gary wondered if it was thinking about Howard or was it the third season. Jon said he thought it was after Howard was hired already. He said they'll have to look into it.
Gary said he hasn't looked at the whole thing and he wondered if it said ''fire Howard'' or what. Jon said he's not sure. Eddie said it seems like a stupid thing to do to a successful show. Eddie said we don't know what email came before that email too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he noticed that Benjy snuck one in there during the Ralph and Ronnie thing. He said he was asking Howard if he would do the show later. He said he's still pushing that even though he has that great job. He said Benjy drives him nuts. He said he can't believe someone didn't call him out on that. Gary said there is a piece of Benjy who wants Howard to be happy and he was wondering what time would make him happy.
Gary said that no one is really complaining about the show start time much. He said as long as Howard is happy then that's what counts. Eddie said the Madonna interview was a little weird for him. He said they did that in the afternoon and it sounded different. He said the interview was amazing but it was different. Eddie said being dark on a New York morning makes a difference for him. Eddie said that it did affect him a lot.
Gary said when they started in New York they were on until 6:55pm on the dot. He said that they were on in the afternoon and it was great hours for everyone. He said they got their sleep and they were done in time to have a life in the evening.
Eddie said he likes waking up with Howard. He said that it feels good waking up with him. Gary said that you're not the king of anything until you're number one in the morning. He said that's why they moved to mornings. Gary said that was Howard's endgame.
Jon asked Gary if he would get a lap dance from Nicole Bass. Gary said he would go with ''yes.'' He said that might be on his bucket list. He said he would try it once. Jon asked Rahsaan how the results were. Rahsaan said that 84 percent said no.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and gave Eddie some plugs before ending the show. They were done around 12:05pm.
Howard started the show talking about the opening song for the show. He said it has to have good lyrics. Then he said it doesn't. He wondered who he was arguing with. It was just the voices in his head.
Howard asked Benjy what was up with the drama with him last night. Howard said he heard a rumor that he overdosed on pills or something. Benjy said the last step of what he heard was that King of All Blacks sent out a tweet saying he took too many sleeping pills. Benjy said he just took 1/4 of one to get to sleep. Benjy said what he knows from Elisa is.. Howard cut him off and asked Gary what's going on.
Gary came in and said that Elisa contacted King of All Blacks telling him that she was worried about Benjy for taking too many pills. Benjy said she was worried about him. Gary said she called King instead of the police. Gary said there was a lot of worry there and they were making a lot of calls trying to figure out what was going on. Gary said this was around 5-7 last night. Benjy said it wasn't that late. Howard said no one has time for his drama. Benjy said it's not his drama.
Howard said Benjy has a lot of crazy stuff going on. Benjy said he really doesn't. Howard said he could sit him down and tell him that he is. Howard said he's not going to be his Yoda to his Luke Skywalker. Howard said that name Elisa keeps popping up so that's what he has to think about.
Gary said they spoke to Elisa last night about it and they heard he may have taken more pills than normal. Gary said that's what they looked into. He said they felt the ended to make sure he's alive. Howard told Benjy to call the police instead next time. Gary said she contacted King who called them. Gary said he's not the guy who wants to ignore that. Gary said you feel a responsibility once you hear something like that. Howard asked Benjy if he knows where this is all coming from. Benjy said it's from his breakup with Elisa. Howard said all he cares about is that Benjy is okay. He said that's that and he's out of this. He said he's not getting involved anymore than that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked it they can just stop with this Elisa business. He asked if they can never say her name on the air again. He said she's a pain in the ass. Howard said he likes Elisa. He said he just wants to drop it. Howard said this is going to take him further down the vortex. Howard said Benjy should be taking diet pills and not sleeping pills. He said that's what he should OD on.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Benjy is fucked up. He said he tried offing himself with pills and his wife found him convulsing in his bed. He said if this is a way to get air time it's fucked up.
Howard said last week Elisa thought Benjy was having a heart attack and she called Beetlejuice. Howard said she called Dr. Juice.
Robin said you can't take this stuff lightly. Robin said she started to feel bad about not letting Benjy visit her in the hospital. Robin said he came in with this story this morning with this story and she thought about how she can't let him in there.
Howard played a couple of clips from the special where the Flaming Lips were performing covers of Beatles songs. He said he's a Flaming Lips fan now.
Robin said she was talking to someone about a Paul McCartney special that aired and they were talking about how Paul seems so full of himself. Robin said you hear their songs and he should be full of himself. Robin said they're amazing. Howard said that even young kids now know their songs. Howard said kids listen to that stuff.
Howard said Robin called a religious podcast. Robin said she did not know that. Howard said she called a religious show. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard played the prank call the guys did with clips of Robin talking about Mormons and ''soaking''. They kind of freak out and start thanking Jesus after Robin mentions oral sex.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard they're going to be doing a reboot of Full House. Howard said he didn't hear that. Robin said they're going to call it Fuller House. Robin said that the entire cast may be involved. Howard said it's not a whole new cast but everyone coming back. Robin confirmed that. Howard said he saw Stamos in L.A. and he looked good. Howard said he's like 50 and he still gets pussy. He said he gets more now than he did when he was 20 years younger. Howard said that's pretty much what they discussed. Howard said he didn't put it that way but that was the interpretation in his mind. Howard said there were so many unanswered questions about Uncle Jesse. Howard said he'd call the show ''Full House of Pussy'' if he was rebooting that show. Howard said what would be cool is if they got the twins. He said they're fun to watch. Robin said their sister is making the acting thing work. Robin said you can't do much with twins. The caller said they say that they're not coming back. Robin said she read they're in talks. Howard said he's happy for John if it is coming back.
Howard asked if she's going to do more appearances. Nicole said that strong is the new sexy so she will. Howard said she got lost going there and it took her 12 hours to get there. Howard asked what she got paid. Nicole said she's not going to tell them. Howard said if it wasn't for them she wouldn't even be getting that job. Nicole said she'll tell him in secret.
Howard asked if she was asked if she was a bouncer. She said she wasn't. She said she had her own security with her. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to some of the people at the club that night. One guy was turned on by her muscle titties. Nicole said she gets a lot of that. She said strong is the new sexy. Howard said he heard someone thought she was Fabio.
Howard asked if she was in bare feet. Nicole said she had boots on but then she took them off. Howard laughed. Nicole asked why he was laughing. Howard said he's thinking about her stomping around in bare feet. Howard said he heard that she had sex with her boyfriend at the hotel and they were making a lot of noise. Will told Gary that people were complaining about the noise. That's what they heard from Shuli. Howard said that she has to let everyone know that she's having sex. Fred did an impression of Nicole having sex and played a squeaking bed sound as he moaned like Herman Munster. Nicole said it wasn't like that. She said no one can hear that at the hotel. She said at their house the people upstairs hear it. She said that they have a minister neighbor and he heard them. Howard asked why she has to do that. Howard said you don't have to make noise. Robin said that you can keep it quiet. Howard said Shuli said that the noise was so loud because she was having anal. Nicole said that's true. Robin said she can understand the screaming then. Howard and Fred did their Nicole voices a little more.
Robin asked if the boyfriend likes anal. Nicole said he does. Howard asked if he does anal more than regular sex. She said they do both. Nicole said that she has to go on with her life and she never thought it would be like this after her husband died. Robin asked if she has forgotten about him. Nicole said of course not. Howard asked if the new guy's name is Joe. Nicole said it is. Howard asked if he knows she's a woman. Nicole said she's known Joe since she was about 20. She said of course he knows. She said he doesn't use a condom. She said that he's a really good guy. She said that they used to look alike at 20 and they were mistaken for each other at the gym.
Howard asked if she's going to bring Joe in. Nicole said he hates Howard. Howard asked why. She said because he makes fun of her. Howard said that he's just joking around. Nicole said she laughs at herself so she's fine with it. Howard asked if she still menstruates. She said she doesn't. She said she thinks it's really cool that she was headlining at a strip club. She said it was so cool. Robin said they should have a Newlywed Game with them. Howard said no.
Howard asked if she prefers it in the ass. Nicole said she likes it in the vagina. She said that she's 6' tall and 232 pounds and she has a vagina. Howard let her go a short time later. Nicole said she loves them. Howard said he thought that she was going to come in and show her vagina. Nicole said she was but then they pissed her off. She said that it was supposed to be Howard, Robin and Fred but then Gary came running in and she had a dream like he was an ape coming in with his family and it was too weird.
Howard said they have a picture of Gary with Jane Goodall. Howard said that she worked with apes all her life. Howard said they had a picture of her with her arm around Gary and they had a funny caption for it. Gary said she had no idea what that was going to be used for so he felt bad for her. Howard asked what the caption was. Gary said he didn't even look at it. Gary said he thinks it was something about how Jane was with the silver back or something. It had something to do with being able to do anything but throw a baseball.
Nicole said she was comparing clits with the girls at the strip club and she was shocked by what she saw. Howard said Robin saw her clit and Robin thought she had a cock. He said she can't be making fun of other girl's clits.
Howard let Nicole go and talked to Gary about Jane Goodall. Gary said that they pushed her in front of her and cameras were snapping away. He said she didn't know what was going on. Howard said it was a good photo op. Howard said they should have had Gary in a tree with her. Gary said that they cleared it with her publicist but he's sure they didn't explain to Jane what was going on. Howard said they could have had Gary swinging from a tire or something. He said they weren't able to make that happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Nicole Bass talking about anal made him think about the boyfriend making truffle butter. He said it's when you get some shit on the tip of the cock. his phone cut out so Howard had some fun with that. Howard said this show is so frustrating. He said he's not sure he can even listen to it anymore. The caller's phone cleared up and he explained the truffle butter thing again. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard read through the story and wondered what he should do when he sees Simon now. Howard said he doesn't really care now that he won. He said he would never do that to someone else. Howard said he would never lobby for someone else's job. Howard said he did it behind his back. Robin said that he would pretend nothing happened if he had gotten that.
Th caller asked if he would take a pay cut to keep that job. Howard said he wouldn't take a pay cut. The caller asked if he would do another show with Simon. Howard said he probably would. Fred said it's best that he does let it go. Howard said he's really not mad at Simon. He really just doesn't care. Robin said she doesn't want to see him. She said that she'll kick him in the balls.
The caller asked if Beth has ever walked in on him jerking off or anything. Howard said she never has. Howard said he's careful about that stuff. He said he makes sure that she's not around. Howard said if she is in the house he'll go into the bathroom and do it. Howard said he has locks on all of the doors. Howard said he doesn't jerk off that much now. He said it's just once in a while. Howard said he's not going to lie about it. He said they have a good, healthy sex life. Howard said it's not like it is when you first meet though. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he can't screw up like he did yesterday. Howard said he has new Ronnie Earth Day sex tips. Howard said Ronnie is crazy. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they have beautiful girls in the room. Howard said it's time for Dumber Than a Box of Rocks. They played an intro song. Howard said that they are going to find out who the smartest of the three girls is. They had Rachele Richey there and she's 20 years old. Howard asked what her occupation is. She said she sucks cock for a living. Howard said that's what a lot of women do but they don't admit it. Howard said she's very beautiful. He asked if she has real breasts. She said they are real. Howard said she's originally from Dallas. She said it was outside of Dallas but she moved there. Howard asked if she's the girl all the guys wanted. She said that she was pretty much a whore then. Howard asked if she was one in high school or junior high. She said she started in middle school. She said she liked to have sex and suck cock. She said she did it all. She started around 14. Howard said that's a year before Robin started.
Howard asked Rachele if it was just guys. She said it was. Howard asked if she had a lot of friends. She said she did. Howard said it was good then. Howard said it's a happy story. She said they probably hate her now but she doesn't care. Howard said Rachele doesn't do interracial on film. She said she has done it in her life but not on film. She said she's just taking her time getting into things. She said she just started doing anal. Howard asked if that's in her personal life and on film. She said it's both. Howard asked if she did it in school. She said that didn't start until high school. Howard asked if she did teams of guys. Rachele said she slept with her brother's friends. Howard said that's not the thing she'll get in trouble for. Howard said he read that she has a natural 34-D. Howard said she thinks she's smarter than the other girls there. She said they'll find out.
Howard said they have a $5,000 prize from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard gave them a plug and said you can find out more at IHateStevenSinger.com.
Howard said that they have Megan Rain up next. Howard asked if she's a porn star too. She said she is. She said she's only been doing it for 9 months and she's only 18. Howard said she's making Rachele look old. Howard asked if she was a stripper. She said she never was. Megan said she graduated high school and got into it. Howard asked if Rachele graduated too. She said she graduated a year early. Howard said she's showing off trying to intimidate the other girls. Howard asked Megan about getting into porn. She said she got into it about a month after she turned 18. Howard asked JD why he's rocking back and forth. He told him to calm down and sit on the floor. JD said he doesn't know what he's doing wrong.
Howard said the dress Megan is wearing is great. He asked how old she was when she knew she wanted to get into porn. She said it was about a month before she turned 18. Howard asked if she was scared going to the porn place. She said she was curious, not scared. She said she signed up online and the agency emailed her and told her to come to L.A. to talk. Howard asked if they audition her. She said that's not real. She said that they don't do the casting couch stuff. Megan told Howard that she only had to do what she was comfortable with. She said that they let her do that. Robin asked what Megan's personal life was like. Howard said he's sure it was good. Howard asked when she started banging everyone. She said she was 13. Howard said that's very early. Howard asked if the guy was 13 too. She said he was. She said it was awful too. She said she doesn't remember feeling his cock. She said she wanted to try it out with other people because it wasn't like the movies. Howard said that she must have crushed him. She said that she may have. Megan said she always used protection so that's what she would suggest. She said she had sex in her mom's car when she was at work. Megan said she loves pussy now. Howard asked if the girls ever fucked any of their teachers. They said they didn't. Howard said that guys like the young look so Megan must be doing well. She said that they do. Howard asked if she has done the step-dad porn. She said she hasn't. She said she does the step mom thing though. Howard asked if she's done babysitter porn. She said she hasn't.
Howard played a clip of Megan doing her thing in a movie. Howard asked if she was putting on the sounds. She said she isn't that loud in real life. Howard said he's never heard anyone that loud. Howard asked how many films she's made. She said she does about 12 a month and she's done 9 months. She didn't know the answer to 12X9 though. Howard did the math for her. Howard figured it was about 108 films. Megan said that's about it. Howard asked if she's a millionaire yet. She said she's not. Howard asked if any of the girls have had their vaginas made into plastic yet. None of them have.
Howard asked Megan if she would ever fuck a guy for $20,000. She said she would do that. Rachele said she would too. Howard told them to film it and call it a movie. Howard asked Rachele what her biggest offer has been. She said it was around 20. She said she did it too. She said the guy wasn't any good. She said the guy kind of looked like Howard too. Howard said he's going to puke. Howard said she should have gotten 50 from that guy. Megan said that she has only been offered about 5000. Howard said she's worth 20.
Howard moved on to talk to Abby Lee Brazil. Howard played a clip of her acting in a porn movie. Howard said Abby is 25 years old. She said she's old. Howard said she's a baby. Howard asked if she has a game plan. Howard said they're all hot. Robin asked how long Abby has been in porn. She said it's been about a year. Howard said that Abby went to college for a semester. Howard said that she has that under her belt while the other girls don't. Howard said that the other girls don't have that knowledge. Abby said that it was too cold out when she was in school. She said she didn't want to get out of bed. Howard asked if she makes good money per scene. They said you can make $5,000. Megan said that 5 grand is a little high. Howard asked how you get the big money. He asked if they have to go to strip clubs and feature. Abby said she has her first one coming up in May. Howard asked how much money they can make in a year. Megan figured it was either 50,000 or 500,000. Howard tried giving the girls a math problem to figure out how much they can make but they weren't able to come up with an answer. Howard made it easier for them and Abby came up with the right answer. Howard said it sounds like they can make $250,000 to $500,000 a year. Megan said that it's also a fun job. She said it's not just about the money.
Howard told JD that maybe he can get a hand job for 20. Howard said the girls are all beautiful. Howard said that they're lovely people but this is not about that. Howard said this is about $5,000 from Steven Singer. Howard said the person who wins the Dumber than a Box of Rocks will win it. Howard said that if they get a question wrong they have to say ''I'm dumber than a box of rocks.'' The girls said they studied online and watched some of his stuff on YouTube.
Howard asked what they learned. Megan said they learned what the DC in Washington DC stands for and things like that. She said they learned what vowels are too.
Howard said he's going to give them time to clear their minds for a minute. Howard said he wants them to think about academics. Abby said she smoked too much weed for this today. She said she just flew in from Europe. Howard asked if the other two smoked at all. Megan said she doesn't smoke. Rachele said that she starts rapping when she gets high. Howard asked if they have made love to each other on film. Megan said she and Rachele did. Howard asked if they go out after. Rachele said they do go out and hang out. Abby said she lives with Rachele. She said that they see each other every day. Howard asked if they are conservative at home. The girls said they walk around naked at home all the time.
Howard asked what the girls do on set and another girl has a stinky vagina. Rachele said she throws up. She said she has had two bad experiences. She said that one girl smelled so bad. She said that she pulled her to the side and told her to go douche that pussy. She said she didn't do it in front of anyone. Howard asked whose vagina smells the best. Rachele said she only had 2 bad experiences. Howard said that's exciting news.
Howard said that he'd like to thank CherryPimps.com for flying the girls in.
The girls said that they all agreed to take the money and go out partying no matter who wins. Howard said when they get back from break they'll get into the game. Howard said they do have to compete. Howard said hotness doesn't matter in this game. Howard asked JD if the girls are attractive. JD said they are. The girls said they could see his boner over there. JD said they can't see anything.
Howard asked JD what he's doing in there. JD said he has to be there to help with the microphones. He said he's crowning the winner too. Howard said when JD mumbles that means he likes them. Howard asked if any of the girls have done double penetration. Megan said she did it but it was one in the ass and one in the pussy. She said that it wasn't painful. She said that if one fits in your ass one will fit in your pussy. Howard asked if the guys like that because their balls must rub together. She said she's not sure. She said she didn't have an orgasm. Abby said she almost passed out from how hard she came when she did it. Howard said you'd think that doody would be a problem after that. The girls said it wasn't a problem. Howard asked Robin if she had a problem. Robin said not at all.
Howard said squirting is urine. All of the girls agreed. Howard said he studied it with a doctor. Howard told the girls to get ready for the game. He said he's going to take a break and then get to the game. Howard told JD to calm down over there. He said he looks like he's going to pass out. JD said he's fine. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back to the theme song for the game. Howard said they have had a nice conversation with Rachele, Megan and Abby. Howard said the prize money is from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard gave them a plug. Howard said they have a $5,000 prize for the contest.
Howard asked who will win Rachele, Megan or Abby. Howard said they all think they can win. Howard said that Megan knew how to spell Riot. Howard got in a plug for CherryPimps.com and Megan got one in for her web site MeganRain.com that just launched yesterday.
Howard started the game with Rachele. He reminded them that they have to ''I'm dumber than a box of rocks.'' if they answer wrong. Howard asked Rachele what a Clydesdale is. Rachele said it sounds like a clock. She said she doesn't know. She had to say ''I'm dumber than a box of rocks.'' She did that.
Howard asked Megan the same question and she knew it was a horse. She said she's not sure how she knew that. Howard said sometimes you don't know how you know things. Howard said Megan is like the Stephen Hawking of porn stars.
Howard asked Abby ''Who...'' and she freaked out. Howard said there's more to it. Howard asked who the vice president of the United States is. Abby didn't know. Gary said they just had the discussion about that 15 minutes ago. Howard asked if she knows who the president is. She knew it was Obama. Howard asked for a guess. Abby said everything went blank in her head. Howard said that has been known to happen. Abby had to say ''Knowledge is not key for me.''
Howard moved on to Rachele and asked her who the VP was. She knew it was Joe Biden. Howard asked if she learned that in the green room. Rachele said it just came to her. Jon Hein gave a score update with Rachele and Megan with one point each. Abby had zero.
Howard moved on to Megan and asked her to fill in ''Gone with the...'' and she said ''Wind.'' She got that one right.
Howard asked Abby what kind of animal is Moby Dick? She knew it was a Whale. Howard said she's on the board with one point.
Howard asked Rachele what epidermis is another word for. Rachele didn't know. She said this is really hard. She asked if it's a part of the body. Howard said he can't help. Howard said her time is up. Howard told her to say ''Thank god I'm hot because I'm stupid as fuck.'' She did that. Howard asked Megan the same question. She said that she's thinking of an epidural. She said that it must be where they put the epidural. She said she's going to say a pain reliever. Howard said that's wrong. Howard said he hates to break it to her but NASA just hung up the phone. Howard told her to say that her pets are smarter than her. Megan did that. Howard asked Abby the same question. She said it's a doctor who gives you an epidural. Howard said Megan got it wrong so why would she go with that. Howard said that's wrong too. Howard said the epidermis is your skin. Howard told Abby that she had to say that her brain would explode if you handed her an Rubik's Cube.
Howard said that the girls are all hot and that's more important than being smart. Howard got back to Rachele and asked her about the cold war and which two countries it was between. Rachele said that it has to be someplace cold. Howard said good thinking. Rachele said Antarctica... and got laughs from some people in the studio. Howard asked who they were against. She said Britain. Howard said that's so wrong. He had her say ''I have 3 brain cells and 2 are out to lunch.'' Howard asked Megan the same question. Megan said she hopes her history teacher isn't listening. Howard said he beat off during this. She said that the only one she knows is England vs... America? Howard said that's wrong. He told her to say ''Boy am I dumb. D U H M dumb.'' Howard asked Abby what her answer was. She said Britain and... Portugal. Howard said she's wrong too. Howard said she had to say ''I put the dip in dipshit.''
Howard said the girls are very beautiful and fun. Howard said Rachele has 1, Megan has 2 and Abby has 1. Howard said the cold war was between Russia and the United States. The girls sounded like they were just hearing that for the first time.
Howard asked Rachele ''What sport is Mickey Mantle from?'' Rachele had never heard of him. Howard said he thought for sure that she'd know. She said ''baseball'' and got it right. Howard said good for her. Jon Hein said that Rachele and Megan are tied with 2 now.
Howard moved on to Megan and asked her ''What is 50 percent of 30 is?'' She said 15 and got that right. She was up to 3 points.
Howard asked Abby ''Where is your larynx?'' She said she grew up in Brazil so she doesn't know this stuff. Howard said she has been here for a long time. Abby said she has Rosetta Stone to thank for that. Howard said she went to college for a semester. Howard said she should know this. Abby said the larynx is in her face. Howard said oh no. He told her that she was wrong. She had to say 'Intelligence is my enemy.'' Howard asked Rachele the same question. Rachele said that it can't be in your head if face was wrong. Rachele said it's in your body so it must be in your feet. Howard asked if she said foot. She said yes. Howard said she's wrong. Howard said she has to say ''My brain is more useless than a salad at JD's house.''
Howard went to Megan who got the right answer. Howard said that she has 4 points. Jon Hein said she has 4 and Rachele has 2 and Abby has 1.
Howard asked if Megan has any panties on. She said she does not. JD said that's nice to know now. The girls said that they only wear panties with jeans because they can hurt your vagina.
Howard said Abby only has 1 point. Howard asked her another question. Howard asked ''A neurologist is what kind of doctor?'' She said brain and got it right. Howard said she has 2 now. Howard said she's tied with Rachele.
Howard asked Rachele ''What does sparse mean?'' Rachele said she's never heard that word. Howard asked how many letters it has. She said ''Sparc... 6'' Howard had a laugh over that. Howard asked her to take a guess. She said ''Trying to hurry.'' Howard said she's wrong and she had to repeat ''2 plus 2 equals I'm fucking stupid.'' Howard asked Megan what sparse meant. She said it's a low amount of something. She said it's a small quantity. Howard said that'll do it. He gave that to her. Howard said Rachele said she's never heard that before. She used it in sentence saying ''I'm sparsing out of tequila.'' Howard said that's perfect. Howard asked Jon Hein for the update and he called Rachele ''Rachel'' so Howard had to correct him on that.
Howard asked Abby to finish the line ''To be or not to be...'' Abby didn't know what that was or who wrote it. Howard said it's Shakespeare. Howard said it looks like Megan knows it. Howard asked her again. Abby's final answer was ''smart.'' Howard said she had to say ''I'm so dumb I liked the movie Birdman.'' Howard asked Rachele if she knew the answer to ''To be or not to be...'' Rachele asked if it's a song. Howard said it's a poetic verse. Rachele didn't know the answer and said ''me''. Howard said she had to repeat ''I'm so dumb I had to order toilet paper with instructions on it.'' Howard asked Megan if she knew the answer. She did. She knew it was ''That is the question.'' She said she did get out of high school so she had to know some things. Abby said she's 25 so she has forgotten that stuff. Rachele said she never paid attention.
Howard said Megan has 6 points while the other girls have 2 each. Howard moved on to one more question and then he said he'd do a bonus round. Howard asked Abby ''What time is it when the little hand is on the 3 and the big hand is on the 7? She said ''a quarter to 4.'' Howard said she's wrong. Howard said she had to say ''I'm and idiot and I will probably shit my pants.'' Howard asked Rachele what time it is. Rachele said that it's 3:35. Howard said that is correct. Howard said if he wasn't married he'd ask her to marry him right now. Howard said he was shocked that Abby got that one wrong. Howard said he thinks her brain is exhausted.
Howard said the score is 3 for Rachele, Megan has 6 and Abby has 2. Howard asked how many points the final question is worth. Jon said it's worth 5 points. Howard said that any of the girls could win with this one. Howard said they all get a shot at this. Howard said he'll start with Abby. He said if she gets the 5 she'll jump to first place. Howard asked what a male chicken is called? She said ''Cock!'' Robin said that is true. Howard said he'll give that to her. He was thinking Rooster though. Abby said that a rooster is baby eggs. Robin told her to stop talking. Howard said Abby is now in first place with 7 points.
Howard said now it's Rachele's turn to try to steal the lead. Howard asked her to finish the line ''One if by land, two if by...'' Rachele said she thinks she's heard it before. She said that it might be a number. Howard asked her to answer. She said ''two if by four.'' She stuck with that. Howard asked if that is her final answer. Howard asked what the opposite of land is. She said sea. Howard said that's what the answer is.
Howard moved on to Megan who was leading earlier. He said that Abby is in the lead right now. Howard said Rachele is out of it. Howard said Megan has 6 points and she's down by just 1. Howard said she's going to get this one. Howard asked ''What is the name of the imaginary line that goes around the earth?'' She said Equator and got it right. Howard said that Megan just won the 5 grand. Howard had JD put the crown on her. Howard asked Megan what she wanted to say. She got a long stem rose dipped in 24k gold from Steven Singer. Megan got in some plugs for her social media accounts. Howard told the other girls that they won $500 and a gold rose too.
Howard let the other girls get in a bunch of plugs as well. Go to their web sites for more information.
Howard asked the girls about their cam site since they were plugging that too. That led to Howard asking JD what he pays the girls. JD said he doesn't want to talk about that. He said he doesn't tip. Howard said that must be rude. The girls said they would block him if he did that.
Howard asked JD what he's asked girls to do on cam. JD said he's not getting into that anymore. Howard said he did something with peanut butter. JD said he's such a dick. Howard said he did ask her to have a dog lick peanut butter off of her. JD said he's leaving. JD said he's not getting into this anymore.
Megan asked if they are as dumb as the girls who come on there or are they smart. Howard said they're pretty smart. Howard said they did pretty well other than the sparse thing. Howard said one girl came in there and forgot to breathe. Howard said they are smarter than a box of rocks. Howard thanked them for coming in. He got in more plugs and wrapped up.
Howard came back and said that's Imagine Dragons. He said this is a good song. Howard asked if it's been on the charts. Fred said he thinks it was a big song for them. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said that Simon's nose is up his own ass. She reminded Howard of a prank they pulled on him on the show years ago. She quickly moved on to talk about Beth and the kitten she had on her Twitter. Howard said somebody abused this kitten. He said it's just 8 weeks old. Howard said they got him at 4 weeks. Howard said someone gave him head trauma and he lost an eye. Howard said they're going to call him Hugo. Howard said he's a good little kitten. Howard said a lot of people want to be involved with him so that's great. Howard said that he's a great kitten. Howard said he has a blind cat, Bella, and someone did the same thing to her. Howard said that it takes a little while to navigate around.
Mariann was plugging more stuff but Howard cut her off and said she gets him into these long topics that no one knows about.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that was a good segment. Howard said it was and they had a lot of fun. Jeff said they should bring more of that on. Howard said they were just talking in there about having a tournament of losers for that game. Howard said that way one of them can feel like they won. Jeff said a great addition to the show would be Aidra Fox. He kept giving a different name. Howard said it must mean a lot to her. Jeff asked if he knows Will Forte. Howard didn't understand what he was saying. Robin had to tell him it was Will Forte. Jeff said he has a message to Howard from Will. He said Will told him to say hello to Howard. Howard said he likes his show. Howard said he has it on TiVo. Howard said he likes Will's new show ''Last Man on Earth.'' Howard said Jeff knows because he watches a lot of TV.
Howard let Jeff go but kept goofing on him about the way he was trying to say ''Will Forte'' a minute ago. Howard said he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he disagrees with Howard about he postal worker who flew into the Capitol with his gyro copter. He said that at least the secret service will keep a better eye on it now. Howard said it's not the citizen's job to do that. Howard said that's not his job and he could have caused a death with that stupid thing. The caller said he wasn't trying to hurt anyone. Howard said he claims he was trying to make a statement about campaign financing. Howard said you can't just do things like that and get away with it. Howard said it doesn't make it okay.
The caller also talked about Hillary Clinton and how she's not going to make a good president. He said she's done a lot of things in her life that aren't good. Howard said that he thinks she's a target. Howard said she hasn't been found guilty in anything. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy about how these things go on in government and it shouldn't be surprising. Howard explained how these things have been going on forever and it's part of politics. Howard said it's not good but that's what it is. Howard said it's like Simon Cowell going after his job. He said it's not honorable. He said not everyone in politics is like that but there are a lot. Howard said that Allard Lowenstein was an honest guy. He said that he was assassinated though. Howard said that all of these other guys these days are on the take. Howard named a bunch and said that Dick Cheney is the worst of them all. Howard said that they're going to try to get you riled up about Clinton while some channels will get you riled up about the other side.
Howard said the government started out as regular people going to vote on things 2 months out of the year. He said that you went back to work in your regular job after that. Howard said now it's become an occupation. He said that's where it all went wrong. Howard said they can't change it though. It's too late.
Robin said the show ''The Comedians'' is really good. Howard said he'd like to get Billy in there. He said he's going to work on that. Howard said he is a big Billy Crystal fan. Howard said he wants him to come in there. He said he really does love Billy. Howard said that he did the charity work on HBO, he did When Harry Met Sally and he was in the top 5 or 10 of Saturday Night Live characters. Robin said even the City Slicker movies were great. Howard said Analyze This was good. Howard said they love the guy.
Howard said Roger Daltrey is on the phone to talk about The Who. Howard picked up and had Sour Shoes doing his The Who impression. Howard asked him to do his Gary the Conqueror impression. Sour broke into that impression and he sounded a lot like Gary. Howard asked if Artie was there. Sour broke into that impression too. Howard asked Artie when he last gambled. Sour, as Artie, talked about that and said that he's not gambling anymore. He said it's hard since it's baseball season. Howard had him talking about the food his mom made him. Howard said he has tape of Mad Dog too. Howard said he was talking about the old days in basketball. ''Artie'' talked about who he used to bet on. ''Artie'' was telling stories about working on the docks and things like that. Howard asked if Robin was there. Sour did his Robin impression too. Howard said Sour does a Robin. Howard said he has to go. Sour went into his Artie impression again and then did his Gary voice. Howard asked him about collecting vinyl. Sour was talking about getting ''noine'' more pieces of vinyl. Sour did his impression of Artie asking if Sal was okay. Then he broke into his Scott Ferrell and then Gary the Conqueror. Howard said he's so good. Howard gave him a round of applause. Howard said no one does Artie like him.
Robin said he's amazing. Howard said it's good to hear from him. Howard said he has tape of Sour doing his Gary the Conqueror. Howard played a little bit of that and then some of Sour doing his Robin voice.
Howard had a clip of Shuli talking to Sour and asking him to turn the music down. Sour kept it on and sang along to it. Howard said he's exhausted after 2 minutes of that. Howard said his poor parents. Robin said maybe they build up a callus. Howard said he doesn't think so. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Tommy was talking about Lyndon Johnson too and Howard asked what he's doing here. Tommy said they were talking politics. He asked Robin about Clinton and Howard said here we go again. Tommy said Clinton got impeached because he perjured himself. Howard said they don't have time for this. He let Tommy go and played him off with his theme song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a brain tumor and he cured it with garlic. The guy explained how he did that. Howard said it doesn't sound like it killed the tumor. The guy said that he had to have surgery. He said they cut part of his speech. Howard said he cured Robin's cancer with onions. Robin said she thought it was cucumbers. Howard asked if this is documented. The caller said he had radiation and chemo too. Howard said he thinks those things cured it. The caller said that it's completely gone after a year. He said most people are dead in that amount of time.
Howard asked about what they did. He found out they removed half the tumor and that messed up his speech. Howard said he claims he got rid of the rest of the tumor with garlic. The caller said that it is mentioned on the American Cancer Society web site. Howard said he's glad he's cancer free. He let him go after that. Howard said garlic works on vampires, not on cancer.
Howard had a clip of Jay Thomas ending his how and throwing it to Riley Martin. Riley sounded like he didn't have much energy when Jay went to him. Jay was talking to Riley about his wife and if she ever asks him to stop with the alien shit. Riley explained their relationship and also talked about his great space weapon which was his penis.
Howard said he had no idea what either of them were talking about. Robin said she thinks Riley was saying that his love making is so good that no one on earth could have taught him that. Robin said she loves that Riley doesn't know how long his own show is. Howard and Fred did their Riley voices for a minute. Howard said the actual shows are awful but the crossovers are awesome.
Robin said they say ''No more bullshit'' on the channels but for Riley's show they should say it's complete bullshit.
Howard said Jay Thomas does a show there with them and he used to have a career. Now he's doing crossovers with Riley Martin. Howard said Jay is trying to be light hearted but just give it 3 more months.
Howard said he doesn't know much about this Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. Howard said that they haven't sold a ticket yet. He said there's a feud going on between two companies or something. Robin said she's sure that the pay-per-view rights were taken care of already. Howard said Gary was telling him something about the tickets. Howard asked where he is. Gary wasn't coming in. Gary showed up a few seconds later. He said there are no tickets sold because the contract isn't signed yet. Howard said this Pacquiao is like the opposite of Ali when he promotes a fight. Howard tried to play a clip but he didn't have what he was looking for. Howard eventually figured it out. He played a clip of Manny Pacquiao being interviewed and saying he wants Mayweather to be his friend so he can share the word of god with him. Howard said the interviews are the best. He played another clip where Pacquiao said he stops making love when he has a fight coming up.
Howard said that Pacquiao wants a song to walk out to and he wrote the song himself. Howard played a clip of that. The song was really mellow and awful. Howard said imagine walking out to that.
Robin read a story about how taking too many vitamins can raise your risk of cancer and disease. Howard said he doesn't take any. Howard said he has some friends who have a whole bag of vitamins they take every day. Howard said you have to see what's going on. He said he knows it can't be good. He said he told them it's not good but they do it. Howard said then they get vitamin B12 shots in their ass. Robin said that the extra vitamins can do more harm than good. Howard said anything that turns your pee neon green can't be good. Robin said that Gary had whole pills coming out that didn't break down. Howard said Gary was shitting them out whole. Howard said the pill didn't even digest. Howard said when Jane Goodall was there she was examining his doody.
Robin read a story about Georgio Armani talking about how he doesn't like the way some homosexuals dress. Robin said that just because he's gay doesn't mean he has to dress differently. Howard said that you can't group them all into one group. Howard said a lot of gay people have been at the forefront of fashion. Howard said people say they would never wear that and then 2 years down the line they're wearing it. Howard said many trend setters are gay. Howard said men now carry purses. Howard said a lot of gay guys were doing that first. Howard said people called them ''fags'' but now everyone is carrying a purse. Howard said if you want to be fashion forward then find the most effeminate person you can. Dress like them and 3 years down the road you'll be fashion forward.
Robin read a story about Men's Health magazine and how people are voting for a transgender man to win the cover of the magazine. Robin said if he wins he will be on the cover in November.
Howard said he didn't get to play it today but he will have 3 Ronnie sex tips for Earth Day. Howard said he should tease Robin with one. Howard played one where Ronnie talks about taking your lady out to a field where there are Pussy willows. He said you get her naked and let the fur touch her tits and clit. Howard asked how he's not in jail. Howard said he was in there staring at the girls during the game today. He said he must have scared the shit out of them. JD said he noticed that. Howard said he had his beady eyes moving around a lot. Fred said he had a glow about him too. Ronnie came in and said he wasn't even looking at them. He said JD was rocking like a rocking horse. He said that he told him to stop and he kept doing it. He said he was rocking like a maniac. Howard said he saw Ronnie in there and JD is right. He said he was charged up. Ronnie said he just brought them up and down and that's it. Howard asked what's up with JD rocking back and forth. Ronnie said he's crazy. He said he was hiding behind Jason and he may not have even known he was doing it. Gary said they were all at a funeral recently and JD was rocking back and forth at the funeral. He said he thinks it's a nervous tick he has. Howard said he thinks the girls were getting creeped out by it. Howard said he was like a slow adult rocking. Howard said it would be funny if they took off JD's shoes and found out his feet are the shape of a rocking chair.
Ronnie said there were a lot of guys waiting outside for the girls after the game. He said that they all had disposable cameras.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's a rumor that Ronnie hinted that Howard is leaving Sirius for Pandora. Ronnie said he has no idea where that came from. The caller said that he has some information he can give to Gary off the air. Ronnie said that Howard never tells him anything so he doesn't know where this shit comes from. The caller had information about a site that's posting audio from the show. Howard told Gary to pick that up and give the information to the Sirius attorneys. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the California drought and how William Shatner has a plan. He said he wants to build pipeline to Seattle. Robin said he wants to start a kick starter to raise 30 billion for the project. Robin said she thinks he's just dreaming. Robin said that they say that Washington isn't getting that much rain so they may not be able to spare it for California. Howard asked if Shatner was in full uniform when he announced that. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said it would be great if he did. Howard said maybe he's on to something.
Robin read about how Roseanne Barr claims she's going blind. Robin said she has macular degeneration and glaucoma. Robin said her medication is marijuana and that's why she's so for legalization. Howard said he's so sorry to hear that.
Robin read a story about a Dr. Oz show where he will be addressing the criticism that other doctors are giving him. Robin said they're asking for Oz to be fired for misleading and endangering people on his show. Howard said he read that the other doctors are just jealous of Dr. Oz. Howard said he probably doesn't have to work that much. He said he is still doing surgery though. Howard said he met him recently and he's a nice guy. Robin said she was on his show and he was very nice. Howard said he's in pretty good shape. Howard asked if Robin is attracted to him. Robin said no. Howard said he thought she would be. Howard said he was surprised to hear that. Howard asked Robin an F, Marry, Kill game with Dr. Drew, Dr. Oz and Dr. Dre. Robin said she'd kill Drew. Robin said that she finds him attractive though. Robin said that she's going to Marry Dr. Oz and fuck Dr. Dre.
Robin read a story about the anniversary of the Columbine shootings. Robin said a Spanish teacher is dead after a student attacked a teacher in a high school. Robin said that the boy may have been 13. Robin said it's believed he killed the teacher with a knife. Howard said he blames this shit on the terrorists and 9/11. He said people are killing other people when they kill themselves.
Robin read about how it's infant vaccination week. Robin said they say the measles outbreak in California is under control now. That led to Fred playing a clip of Sal saying the word prevalent the wrong way. Howard argued with the clip for a minute before doing a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about babies and pain and if they experience it the same way adults do. Howard said just go see a circumcision and you'll see the baby scream. Robin said they say the baby won't remember it. Robin said researchers used an MRI to study an infant's brain and found that they do experience pain like adults do.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he is allowed to sell his stock before he makes an announcement if he was leaving Sirius. Howard said he isn't sure. He said that he doesn't know if he'll sign with them or not. Howard said he could sell now because he doesn't know what he'll be doing. Howard said he didn't think about that. Robin said he could end up going to jail for nothing. Howard said he believes in the company. He said he'd have to check with an attorney.
Robin said when people watch a ball game why don't more people get hit by a foul ball. Howard said he used to go to games with his dad and he was scared of those balls. Robin said a man was hit in the back of the head by a foul ball at a Pirates game recently. Robin said that the game was delayed for 23 minutes while the woman was being treated.
Robin read a story about how most Americans don't have money for retirement. Robin said a lot of people say they don't have $1000 saved for retirement. Howard said his dad would take something out of the little he made and put it into a Disney stock or something he believed in. He said he saved his money. Robin wondered what will happen to those people. Howard said it's going to suck for them. He said the young people working will have to pay.
Gary came in and said that you have to have long term health care too. He said if you're not covered well and you get cancer or something then your money just goes away. Robin said it will be a problem if large numbers of people can't take care of themselves.
Robin said she saw the trailer for Star Wars. Robin said then she discovered it's not coming out until Christmas. Robin said it's only April. She said they have a long time to wait. Robin said the Superman vs. Batman movie isn't coming out until 2016. Howard said the new Mad Max movie looks good. Gary said that's coming out in May. Robin said she's not excited about that at all. Howard said the Fantastic Four movie looks great too. Howard said it doesn't look too cartoony. Gary said that one is coming out in August. Howard said he loves Fantastic Four. Howard said he even likes the shitty Fantastic Four. Howard said this one looks way cool. Robin asked if he has watched Daredevil on Netflix. Howard said yes and he likes it. He said that he likes Vincent D'Onofrio as Kingpin. Howard said he's such a good character. Robin said he was incredible in a TV show that Howard probably didn't see. Robin said it was Law & Order Criminal Intent. Howard said forget that. He said Daredevil is great and Vincent is really good in it. He said the guy who plays Daredevil is great too.
Robin said that fans of Star Wars could soon own a droid from the new movie. Robin said the BB8 is being worked on now and a remote controlled version will be available at some point. Robin said no release date has been given.
Robin read about the Academy of Country Music Awards won in the ratings on Sunday night. Robin said it beat the Jesus show that was on. Robin said they say that 16 million people tuned into the country music awards. Howard said that no one is buying CDs except for the country music fans. Howard said it's crazy. Howard said they're crazy and they watch the award shows too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the polls in the run for the presidential nomination. Robin said that Jeb Bush holds the top spot even though he hasn't announced yet. Howard said Chris Christie is the only guy who can talk off the cuff. Robin said that if Patacki entered she thinks he'd make sense. Howard said the problem is that the right wing doesn't want someone who makes sense.
Robin read about Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's sentencing coming up. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said they should have him run the marathon and tell him he's going to be blown up at some point. He won't know when that is though. Howard was calling him ''Joker'' and Fred kept playing a Ronnie laugh while he did that.
Robin read a story about someone who put something in his will for Hillary Clinton where he asked people to not vote for her. Robin said the guy was 81 and in his obituary they have him asking for people to not vote for Hillary Clinton.
Robin read that Governor Cuomo just returned from Cuba where he was on a mission to get some trade going with New York. Robin said that Bob Menendez has come out saying that was wrong to go down there. Robin had some audio of Menendez talking about that.
Robin read about Netflix picking up ''Fuller House.'' Robin said that John Stamos was on Jimmy Kimmel Live talking about that. Robin had a clip. Stamos talked about the people who will be returning to the show. Howard said you can't have that show without the Olsen twins. Robin said they are in talks with Bob Saget and the twins. Robin said they say the show will start off with a one hour special next year.
Robin read about Green Day being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin had some audio of Billy Joe Armstrong talking about that. Robin said Joan Jett was inducted too. Robin had a clip of Joan talking about the induction. Robin said the show will appear on TV later this year. Robin said Ringo Starr was also inducted as well as Lou Reed.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart getting ready to sign off from The Daily Show. Robin had audio of Jon talking about how his last show will be on August 6th. Robin said he made the announcement last night. Robin said he's stepping aside for Trevor Noah who is taking over the show. Howard said Letterman is leaving May 16th. Howard said he will be on like May 11th. He said he thinks that it's okay for him to say. Howard said Dave wants Jay Leno on the last week. Howard said he has to talk about that. He said that might be interesting. He said Dave must want to go out with a flair.
Howard said he's not worked up with Simon Cowell like Leno and Letterman would be. Howard said that Dave got shat on by Jay. Howard said he shouldn't give him the last two weeks to Jay. Howard said he doesn't like it.
Robin read about how John Travolta's 4 year old son was on Letterman with him this week. Robin said that when Travolta tried to bring him out the reaction was adorable. Robin had a clip for Howard to play.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said that Sour carries around a first baseman's glove and he still lives at home. Jon said that Sour has really expanded his game over the past few years. He said he's doing so many great impressions and he really should do it for a living. Nick said either that or he should be playing first base for the Mets. Nick said he knows he does the Mad Dog impression. Nick said they used to prank Mad Dog's show. He said that they used to prank other shows too like Russ Saulsberg's show.
Jon said they have a poll up today. He asked Rahsaan for the details. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Which staffer would you like to see play Dumber than a Box of Rocks?'' The choices were:
Nick said they should get Jon on that list since he's such a fucking idiot. Jon said he did screw up during the game today. Jon said that JD was just rocking and that ended up being 10 minutes of radio just about that. Jon said that Howard brings up the things JD has done on the show with porn stars and strippers. Nick said that he avoids sitting in the room when porn stars are in the room but JD seems to be draw to them like a moth to a flame. Jon said he is also the type of guy who won't say no to going in the studio. He said he does it for the show. Jon said he does it even if he doesn't want to do it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon moved on and got back to Howard. He said they heard about the Daily News article about him and Simon Cowell. Jon said that all of this information is getting out that shouldn't be out. He said you can't avoid reading about it. Jon said now it's a big issue. He said Simon wanted to fire Howard and take his spot. Nick said he'd like to know when Wikileaks became AOL. He said that he's sure that there are a lot of horrible emails in businesses. He said Simon Cowell is so funny looking lately. He said he has the t-shirt and the helicopter landing pad hair cut. He said he's also getting the suburban mom look. He said he thinks he's had work done on his face. Nick said he thinks he can say that because he's probably not coming on the show. Jon said he might. He said he might be a big fan of the Wrap Up Show.
Jon said you do have to draw a line somewhere with the leaks. Nick said that some of this stuff shouldn't be out there. He said someone is profiting off of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is getting sick of the Benjy and Elisa thing or will he keep going with it. Jon said he thinks Howard is fascinated by it and he will keep going. He said it's not a common relationship. He said Howard did sound like he'd had it though. He said Benjy and Elisa love the attention though. Nick said he thinks Elisa called King of All Blacks when it was all going on. Jon said that Benjy and Elisa have their issues that they've discussed. He said that Benjy still loves Elisa but that ship has clearly sailed. He said Benjy gets air time talking about her too so maybe he enjoys that. Nick said he thinks that they both require one another to propel each other into the show.
Gary came in so Jon asked Gary about Benjy and Elisa. Gary said he's wondering why they're still talking about it. He said he thinks Howard has had it. He said Benjy seemed irritated that they were worried about him. He said that Benjy knows how to make it all stop but Benjy doesn't think he does. Nick said he has watched some of Elisa's podcast. Gary said it's one of the biggest train wrecks he's ever seen. He said that there are four squares and it's Elisa in one, Benjy in another and a therapist in another. Then they have a guest of the week. Gary said whenever someone talks it cuts out what the last person said. He said everyone talks over everyone else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the Sour Shoes calls. He asked if Sour looks like a little kid. He also gave Gary a plug for his book. Gary said that Sour is a youthful looking guy. He said he really loves Sour Shoes. He said he bat Eric the Midget in his Wack Pack Bracket. Jon said he used to call Gary and play music trivia with him. Gary said he is a savant of some sort. Gary said he used to call every Friday at noon when they were on terrestrial radio. Gary said he would leave him on Speakerphone and let him do his thing while he worked. Gary said he can play anything. Gary said even today he was doing the drum solo from Won't Get fooled Again. He said it was incredible.
Gary said one day Sour showed up at the station and he was on roller skates with a skillet in his hands making pancakes while he was performing. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary has been seeing girls for 25 years now. He asked if girls today are more stupid than they were 25 years ago. Gary said no. He said when you're 20 and super hot you don't have to develop anything. He said they don't have to be smart or develop a personality. He said that they have the same thought process as Sal where they think they don't need to know some things. Jon said that if you listen to some of the answers there was some logic to it even if it was wrong. Nick said he was told about the Mickey Mantle thing and she said it just sounds like a baseball player. He said that's a great answer.
Gary said Sal says he doesn't need to know this stuff but Howard says he could expand his comedy if he did know it. Gary said Sal still doesn't think he needs to know.
Jon asked who enjoyed it more, JD or Ronnie. Gary said he thinks Will enjoyed it the most. Gary said JD was rocking in there and there is something going on with him. He said that he was rocking and Howard noticed it so he told him to stop. He said that's not a sexual excitement, it's just something he does. Nick said he has restless body syndrome. Gary said that it's like when he doesn't know what to do with himself he will just rock. He said it's very disturbing to watch. Jon said JD knows he's doing it too. He just can't stop.
Jon said JD pointed out that Ronnie was learning but Ronnie denied it. Gary said he's sure that happened. Nick said he liked the Ronnie movie game they played a couple of weeks back. Gary said that he liked the one where Ronnie said a guy plays ping pong and a girl dies of AIDS. He said just imagine breaking down Forrest Gump like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sour Shoes is an amazing impressionist but he's the funniest Wack Packer there is. He said he takes all of their hilariousness and makes them all funnier than they are. He said he even makes Artie funnier than he was. He said he laughs out loud at Sour listening to him. Nick asked if he is part of the Wack Pack. Gary said he would say he is. Gary said he lives at home and he has a job but not an office job.
Jon went to Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said that Sal had 60 percent of the votes. He said that Ronnie, JD, Richard and Benjy came in next. He didn't give the breakdown for them though.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and gave Nick some plugs for his film and his website. They were done around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about a mom who would sing to them in his car pool when he was a kid. He said her son Bobby was in the car and she'd sing about him. Howard said he has lost track of Bobby since then. Howard sang the song she would sing to Bobby. Howard said it's funny what you remember. Howard said it was sweet in some way. Howard said he's not sure if Bobby appreciated it.
Howard said he had some night last night. He cut himself off. He said it was too personal. Howard said Rumer Willis might be stopping by today. He said he watches her on Dancing with the Stars and fast forwards through the rest. Robin said she tried watching it last week but it was Disney week. She said the judges just loved her. Howard said they knocked her down this week but she's going to win. Howard said she might be stopping by.
Howard said the rumor about Rumer is that she might be having an affair with her dancing instructor. Howard said that happens a lot apparently. Howard said the guy who is from Shark Tank might be in love with his instructor too. Robin asked if he's okay to do that. Fred said he is divorced. Howard said it would be great if Robin was on Dancing with the Stars and she fucked her instructor.
Howard said he had an emotional moment when he walked in this morning. Robin said that she saw it. Howard said it wasn't what she saw. Howard said that he walked into their compound and everyone's pictures are on the wall. He said he flashed back to his first radio job at WRNW and he thought about what it's become. Howard said they have this gorgeous studio and all of these people working there. He said that if someone told him what he'd have now back then when he was editing tape and stuff... He said he was proud of himself for a few seconds and then it passed. Howard said he saw Benjy and it all ended.
Robin said she thought Howard took a moment with Fred. Howard said he did that too. Howard said he was soaping up in the shower and thinking about his musculature. Howard said Fred has been with him a long time. Howard said he's really good with the sound effects and stuff. Howard said he was thinking about Fred and how talented he is. Howard said he had to say hello to him at least. Fred said usually the guys get his attention like a dog pack.
Howard said the Daily News has a shot of Bruce Jenner in a dress. Howard said he's wearing stripes and it's not a good look. Howard said he's a big guy. Howard said that he's also smoking. Howard said that's not good. Howard said he can't imagine cutting his dick off at 65.
Howard had some Evil Dave clips to go along with the news story. Howard said working with Evil Dave is a trip. He said they have him read their stuff but then he writes his own lines. Howard said he always insists on using his own lines. Howard said they tell him ahead of time not to but he does it anyway. Howard said he's not a comedian. Howard said he's a regular guy but he thinks he's funny. Howard said they had him recording some stuff the other day so here's some of his own material. Howard played a clip of Dave doing some really bad jokes about his doctor.
Gary said that Dave always rammed his jokes into the bits they'd do. Howard played another clip of Dave trying to say the name of the Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Howard said he remembers doing the Letterman show once and Evil Dave was making David Letterman mental. He said it made him crazy because people thought it was really Dave. Howard said Dave asked him who this guy was. Howard said he was going to bring the guy on with him.
Gary said that they got really upset after the real Dave had a heart attack. He said they were freaking out when they had him doing material for them.
Howard said he has Gonzo Shitcock on the phone. Howard asked if he wants him to find out what's going on. Benjy asked if he's going to go by what he says. Howard said no. Benjy asked why he was asking then.
Howard picked up on Gonzo and said that the audience is probably curious like he is. Howard asked about how Elisa has gotten into a relationship with him over Skype. Gonzo said they started talking on her show Kermit and Friends. He said they met online through her show and Twitter. Howard asked if the conversations have gotten sexual. Gonzo said he didn't want to get into it so much if it's going to upset Benjy. Benjy said he's calling because it's fun but he doesn't want to hear the bullshit. Gonzo said he's calling in to defend the hotel room. Howard said in New York $300 doesn't get you a great room. Gonzo said it's an alright room. He said it was a good deal.
Howard asked when he's coming to New York. Gonzo said he's coming at the beginning of May. He said he's not expecting sex from Elisa though. He said it's up to her. He said he just booked the room. Howard said he's playing it safe.
Gary said that he got a note from someone saying that Elisa went out and bought 5 different kinds of birth control. Gary said that Benjy is basically buying birth control for her. Howard said he better cough up some money for her. Benjy said he's not doing that anymore. Benjy said she has the right to date and all. Howard said he doesn't have to pay for it though. Benjy agreed. Howard said good.
Howard said she's trying to make Benjy jealous. Benjy said he doesn't want her with anyone but someone who is affiliated with them isn't right. Howard said if he worked at a bank and she was dating a teller next to him then he'd be upset.
Gonzo said he's not doing this to upset Benjy. Howard said Elisa is really hot. He said he gets it. Howard said she's Playboy hot. Howard said Gonzo has been looking for a new shtick since Eric the Actor died and he finally found it. Howard said he beat out Hanzi on the phones this morning. Howard asked Gonzo when he's going to start paying her bills. Gonzo said he'll see what happens. He said he really does like her. He said he's not just fucking around. Howard said he's come a long way from bothering a little person. He said now he's bothering hot chicks. He said that's much more happening.
Gonzo said he and Elisa talk every day on and off the air. He said they text too. Gonzo said that it's really not a shtick. Howard told him to keep them posted. Gonzo asked Benjy not to hate him. Benjy said it's so nice of him to call to say that.
Howard played the song that Elisa sang to Gonzo. Howard said she sang it for Benjy to hear. Benjy said she was trying to turn him on. Fred asked if Elisa ever told Benjy that he could stop paying for her stuff. Benjy said not really. He said she has grand expectations. He said that she has the talent for that. Fred said he doesn't have to subsidize that though. Benjy said he understands that.
Gonzo said he'll be there next weekend. Howard said he's sure Eric the Actor wouldn't be happy about this. Robin said if anyone was going to date Benjy's girlfriend it should have been Eric.
Howard let Gonzo go and asked Benjy how steamed he is about this. Benjy said if they're broken up he wants her to be free but this does feel inappropriate. Howard said he's on the same page with him. Benjy said part of him should say ''Who gives a fuck.'' Howard said that's what he should say. Benjy said he loves Elisa so much and he does give a fuck. He said that this drives him crazy and he's afraid to show it on the show. Benjy said he knows that's what Gonzo wants. He said that she's beautiful and he gets that. He said he's kind of being a dick. He said it's funny but it's also being an ass. Howard said it's dark. Benjy said he's still messed up with Elisa. He said he's still in love with her. Benjy said this morning she said she was sorry for everything.
Howard said that Benjy should find out who Gonzo's ex is and fuck her. Benjy said he's sure he wouldn't want to. Howard said Benjy's standards are way up there now. Howard said he thinks Benjy can find that talent he's looking for in someone else. Benjy said she's really talented. Howard said her talent is being hot. Howard said that's what's driving Benjy crazy. Benjy said she's got incredible talent with her songs and her hooks. He said he knows that you can't get her songs out of your head. Robin said ''Oh my god'' a few times after hearing that.
Benjy said if he asked her to marry him now all of this would end. Howard said that Robin should just fuck Benjy and end this. Howard said he should ask out Adele if he wants someone with talent. Howard told him he'll give him girls with talent. Howard said she's engaged though. Fred suggested Sia. Howard said she just got married. Howard said he saw her at Jimmy's house actually. Fred played an Adele song for Benjy. Benjy said she's talented if she writes her own stuff. Benjy said that Elisa's songs are genius. Howard laughed. Benjy said he knows that Howard thinks the same thing.
Howard said Adele is pretty too. Howard said Benjy kind of looks like her. Howard said this is talent too. He said that's about as good as it gets. Benjy said it is a good song. Robin asked if the Gonzo song is the same level as this. Benjy said the hook gets in your head.
Benjy said it is about looks too. He said he loves Elisa's face and body too. Howard told him to marry her and good luck. Howard said he hopes it all works out. Howard said he has to cut this off because it's getting painful for him.
Howard said he had to take pain killers last night. He said that he can't turn his head after a run. Howard said he has muscle relaxers that he takes. Howard said he was watching Daredevil on Netflix and he was in heaven. Howard said he loves Vincent D'Onofrio in the show. Howard said he plays Kingpin. Howard said that he really has to take a break. He said Rumer Willis might show up. Gary said she's on her way up now. Howard said he'll take a break then. Howard said he has so much to talk about.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if Benjy is still giving Elisa money. Benjy said he hasn't given her more money but starting may 1st she's going to start covering her won rent. Ralph said he has this thing of honor about paying her but why give her a dime. Howard asked how much he has given her. Benjy said he has stopped. He said he gave her about $24,000 for rent for the year. He said then he gave her about $7,000 for expenses but she spent it all in seconds. Benjy said the apartment is under his name too. Fred said that's a killer. Howard told Ralph to go to dinner with Benjy and straighten him out. Benjy said he's not going to fuck Ralph. Howard said it's not about that.
Ralph said Gonzo is a loser too. He said California is ground zero for hot chicks. Ralph said all Benjy has to do is pay his rent for a few months and he'll take care of him. Howard said he has to go. Howard said he has to take him out to dinner. Ralph said they should take Benjy out too. Howard said they can advise him. Howard said it'll be like the three stooges. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has to fix his hair for Rumer. Howard said he likes to look cute for the gals. Howard said he's worried about Rumer. Howard said he is a fan of her's and he thinks the relationship with the dance instructor is moving a little quick.
Howard said he thinks that Rumer is going to win on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she must know she's going to win. Rumer came in and said she does want to win. Howard asked if there is an incentive to win. Rumer said she just wants the gold mirror ball in her house. Howard asked if Rumer had any training. She said that she traveled with her parents and she would do weeks of dance classes. Howard said she can actually dance. Rumer said it's a lot of work.
Howard said that they had to knock her down this week to make it appear fair. Howard asked if she detected that. Rumer said she was aware that the dance they did last week wasn't the norm. She said she likes going outside the box a bit though. She said she's having a great time doing the show.
Howard asked if it feels weird making her parents come to see the show. Howard said that he knows Demi but she may have dumped him as a friend. Howard asked if she ever tells them not to show up. Rumer said what she likes about the show is that they have made it about her. She said she tells her parents not to come but they love coming. She said her mom really loves it. She said her sisters and mom scream their heads off.
Howard asked who is picking the outfits for her. Howard said she had a tight pants thing on with a belly shirt top. She said that was the disco salsa show. She said that it's a mix of her partner and her. She said they pick what they want to wear. Rumer said she's happy about life if she can wear that stuff every week.
Robin said when they were practicing in the water that was hot. Howard missed that one. Robin said it was the Disney week show. Howard said he missed it. Howard said he'll have to get it on YouTube. Rumer said she was purple from head to toe.
Howard said that there might be a little competition but everyone is pretty shitty other than Rumer and one other guy. Howard said that the guy who had his leg blown off is amazing. Howard said that's not fair. Howard said she might have to go to Iraq to fight in the war if she wants to win this thing.
Howard said Rumer is doing great on the show and she may win even against that guy. Howard said he sees that she's falling in love with her dance instructor. Howard said his name is Val Chmerkovskiy. Howard said his theory is that it's like summer camp. Rumer said that's a good analogy. Howard said he's like the camp counselor. Howard asked if she has ever asked if he has fallen in love with other dancers. Rumer said she came in with the intention of having her focus not on that kind of stuff. She said she doesn't want anything to do with that. Rumer said she just has to do herself for a while. She said she's not in love with Val. She isn't dating him. Howard said he doesn't believe it.
Howard asked if he knows she's not dating him. Rumer said he dos. Howard said he's not sure Val knows that. Howard asked why she flew in with Val. She said they have to practice. She said that she's not having any feelings for him. Howard said he's shocked. Howard said every magazine says she is doing the guy. Rumer said she's not. Howard asked if she's not attracted to him. Rumer said he's a great guy but her focus isn't on dating anyone. She said that she really wants to win.
Howard asked Rumer if the guys ever get excited when they're rehearsing. Rumer laughed. Howard said that she has a great body. Howard asked if they ever get aroused. Rumer said not that she's aware of. She said that they see that all the time. Howard asked if she's dating Tom Bergeron. Rumer said that's not true either. Howard said he was just joking about that.
Howard said Rumer wants to win the show and she gets like $100,000 if she does. Rumer said she didn't even know that. She said she just has songs and moves in her head right now.
Howard asked what Rumer's plan is. He said she's done a bunch of movies but she has to get the next big thing. Rumer said that when she does something she gets hyper focused on it. She said that she has a hard time getting into other things. She said that she has gotten to the point in her life where she's doing other things. She said she's doing music now too. Howard said she sings and he saw her online. Howard said she's working with Linda Perry. Rumer said she's working on a song that she's going to release before she's done on Dancing with the Stars. Robin asked if she can dance to it. Rumer said she's having fun with it and it's kind of a dark Argentine tango kind of thing.
Howard asked if she gets a lot of people coming on to her now. Howard said he heard that she was called names all her life and he doesn't think that she's ugly at all. Howard asked if she felt like shit about herself her entire life. Howard asked when she saw her parents in movies. She said she was on set with them from very early on. She said she didn't realize they were stars until she got older and realized everyone knew who they were. Howard asked if she fantasizes about what it would have been like to be a normal kid. Howard said he has 3 daughters and he wonders about that. Howard said that he has to ask people to leave him alone when he's with his daughters. Rumer said he was talking to someone the other day and she has really bad math skills. Howard said her parents are actors so that's understandable. Rumer said she's traveled and met a lot of people so there is a trade off there.
Howard asked if she was home schooled. She said she would have a tutor and then she'd do home schooling. Howard asked if it's weird when she's on set and her mom has a make out scene with some dude that's not her dad. She said she wasn't on set for anything like that. She said she can't recall anything like that anyway. She said it was weird when a friend told her to watch ''About Last Night'' and she saw her mom having sex with Rob Lowe. She said that's weird. Howard said he saw his mother nude once and it freaked him out. He said it was traumatizing.
Howard asked if it was weird going through the divorce. Rumer said that they made it so they went on vacations together. She said that was great. Howard asked if she ever told them they didn't have to do that. She said that they became friends and it was a good thing. She said they made sure that the kids were the priority. She said that it worked really well.
Howard asked how you rebel against them. Rumer said she had some hairdos that were inappropriate for anyone. Howard said he gets the feeling that Rumer and her sisters are very close. He said that he likes that they're into this free the nipple thing. Howard said her sister Scout is into it and she posts pictures of herself topless. Rumer said they had this whole thing on Instagram about not posting fully nude breasts and it was weird. Howard said he thinks Robin should join this movement. Howard asked if Scout ever asked her to free her nipple. Rumer said she didn't. She said that her sister had a moment of wondering why it was a big deal and just doing it.
Howard said Rumer sang at a free the nipple rally and she sang a Cher song. Rumer said it wasn't a Cher song. She said that it was ''Bang, Bang You Shot Me Down.'' Howard said that's a Cher song. Rumer said she didn't know it was a Cher song.
Howard asked if she was friends with other celebrity kids. She said she was close with Glenn Close's kid. Howard asked if she felt pressure to do that and if that was her best one. Rumer said there was a play group but she doesn't remember who was in it.
Howard said that Glenn Close is a great actress but no one is clamoring to play with those kids. Howard asked if she went to her house. Rumer said she doesn't remember. She said she has photos from Disneyland though. Howard asked if she has any other friends who are famous. Rumer said she has tons. Howard asked for names. Rumer said she's kind of a recluse now.
Howard asked Rumer if she ever questions the guys she dates and if they're just trying to get into her life to get close to her parents. Rumer said she thinks that she got over that early on. She said you can tell what their intentions are. Howard asked if she ever gets that thing where the guys are bragging about dating her. She said she doesn't get that. She said she's able to weed out the bad ones.
Robin asked if her dad gives her man advice. Howard said he tells his kids that men are shitheads. Rumer said she does remember her dad telling her that he was a kid one time and he knows what guys are thinking.
Howard asked if she was friends with Lindsay Lohan. She said no. Howard asked about Ireland Baldwin. She said she has met her and likes her. She said she really doesn't know a lot of people. She said she hangs out with her dogs a lot.
Howard asked Rumer about finishing high school and then she went to work for Mark Jacobs. Howard said she had a real job. She said she was selling clothes behind the counter. Howard asked if she ever asks her parents to float her a million or two and let her live her life. Rumer said she would never do that. She said you can never say that's your money. Howard agreed. He said that's good that she feels that way. Rumer said that it was part of the contingency of leaving college. She said she started working and auditioning for movies and stuff. She got some work.
Howard asked if she feels that a casting director might have something against her because of who she is. Rumer said that can be a thing. She said that she hopes that when they meet her that their perception changes.
Howard asked Rumer about when she started getting hot. She said she thinks it was that she got more comfortable and learned how to present herself. She said that your confidence matters. She said if you don't feel good then you don't come off very well. She said once she started doing that then she thinks things changed. She said she stopped with the weird hair cuts too.
Howard asked Rumer about her mom going out with Ashton Kutcher. Howard said Rumer had posters of him on her wall. She said she did. Howard asked if that was weird for her. Rumer said it was weird for a minute but he was a great step father. She said that the perspective changed very quickly. Howard asked how long she waited to take down the poster. Rumer said that's when you put someone else up on the wall. Howard asked if she had a lecture with her mom about getting the hottest guy. Rumer said that she had that conversation with her sister. She said that she had to cross him off her list.
Howard asked if Rumer was jealous of her mom. She said she was happy for her. She was all for it. Howard said that it had to be really confusing to a kid. Rumer said not really. She said that if your parent or friend is dating someone you don't think about it being weird.
Howard asked Rumer if she had posters of him hanging in her room. Howard said if she wanted to rebel against her parents that would have been the way to do it.
Howard asked who the stricter parent was. Rumer said they were different. She said that her dad would tell them they can't have sugar gum one week or something. She said that she was a good kid. She said she heard stories about kids sneaking out and she never thought about doing that. Howard said they raised her well. Howard said she could have turned into an asshole with that lineage.
Howard asked if she wanted to bring her dance partner in. Rumer said sure. Howard had the guys bring Val in. Howard asked Val how many girls he's banged. Val said hi to Robin first. Howard asked Val to be honest. Howard asked if she's hot. Val said she's very attractive intellectually. Howard asked why they're not hooking up. Val asked if Robin is single. Robin said she is. Val said that Howard and Robin have a good chemistry because they never hooked up. Howard said he must be attracted to her. Howard said he is a good looking dude. Val said there are temptations but not in this case. Howard said that he'd be doing her if he was dancing with her. Howard said she would be magnetically drawn to him.
Howard asked Val if he has ever fallen in love with a contestant. Val said no. Howard asked if he has ever fallen for one. Val said no after a pause. Val said he loves the gig and seeing someone blossom. Howard said he thinks that Val and Rumer are going to win this year. Howard said he's never won before.
Howard asked Val if he thinks they knocked Rumer a bit last week because that's what they do on that show. Val said he probably shouldn't speak on that. Howard said he thinks that's what they do on a TV show. Val said he thought the comments were fair about last week's dance. He said that it may not have been her best dance of the season.
Howard asked Val about the pay they get on the show and if he has ever banded together with the other dancers to get more money. Val said he hasn't. Howard said it must be a pain in the ass to have someone dancing with you who doesn't know how to dance. He said Rumer knows how to. Rumer said she's a pain in the ass too though. Howard said she could be a professional. Val said she's great. Howard said he should hook up with her. Rumer said she thinks that would ruin it. She said that she's good because they're not hooking up. Val asked Robin how she does this for 20 years now. Howard said Val was partnered with Sherri Shepherd one season. Howard said she isn't a great dancer. Howard asked if he knew that he wasn't going to win. Val asked why he's doing this interview mid-season.
Howard asked Val if it was difficult to dance with a heavy set woman. Val said there have been others. He said that every challenge is an opportunity. Howard said he doesn't buy it.
Rumer said Patty Labelle is on the show this season. Howard said he fast forwards through everyone but Rumer and Noah. Howard said that you have to watch Noah.
Gary came in and said he feels an energy between them. He asked if they were knocked off next week if they would start dating. Val said that's a weird question. He said he doesn't think he'd see her for a few days. Rumer said that she has to have time away from someone and it's not normal to be in a relationship like that. Val said he doesn't think about those things. Howard said it's all he thinks about. Val said he tries to be an honorable guy. He said he has made some mistakes in his life. Howard asked if kids made fun of him for dancing since the age of 8. Val said they didn't. He said he's done it all his life.
Howard asked if Val if he knows what the other dance instructors earn on the show. Val said he does. Howard asked if he fells he's under paid. Val said no. Howard asked if he's getting paid what he's worth. Val said maybe not in compensation but in other things. Howard said he should get the other instructors together and ask for more money. Val said the funny thing is that his brother did that and he's not on the show anymore. He said it was such a new thing and they didn't even know what they were doing. Val said they have a pay scale that works and he probably shouldn't be talking about it.
Robin asked if Val dances on shows in other countries. Val said he does not. Howard said he told the judges on AGT that he was an instructor at Arthur Murray for a few years. He said they believed him until he broke the news to them that he wasn't. Howard said they asked Beth to be on Dancing with the Stars and he hated that. Howard said he'd be jealous.
Howard said it was great meeting Rumer. Howard said that he thinks she will win. Howard said that's unless something weird happens. Howard asked if she's in pain. Rumer said she is a little sore.
Howard asked Val how he makes a living. Val said his family owns a few dance studios in the tri-state area. Howard wasn't able to get a straight answer out of him about that. Howard said he wants Rumer to win so tune in and watch Dancing with the Stars on Monday nights on ABC. Howard tried to say Val's last name Chmerkovskiy. Rumer made it easy for him when she said it first.
Howard asked Rumer what it's like having little baby sisters now. Rumer said they're great and so cute. She said that she loves them. She said her dad now has 5 daughters and that has to be tough.
Rumer asked Howard about what it's like for him and his daughters dating. Howard said that he has no hang ups about his daughters dating. Howard said he has friends who do have hang ups about it and he wonders why they don't want their daughters to be happy and in a relationship.
Howard asked Rumer about her last relationship and what happened there. She said that she broke up with him. She said they have an okay relationship now. She said that she was the one who went up to him for the first time. She said that can be kind of intimidating. She said that she has her feelings on her sleeve and if she likes you then it's very apparent. Howard asked how long she waited with the guy. She said you have to be classy. Howard asked if she would ever have a one night stand. Rumer said we've all made mistakes. Val said he thinks they're losing their demo with every question.
Howard said Val must get laid like crazy. Val said he does. Howard asked when he was last with a woman. Val said this weekend. Howard asked if Rumer knew that. She said she doesn't ask. It's not her business. Val said that's how he makes sure he says soft. He said that he has to get it out of his system. Howard asked Val if it was Glenn Close's daughter. Val said he was never invited to those parties.
Howard said that they learned a lot. He said that they learned that Val got laid this weekend. Howard asked how long he likes to wait with a woman. Val said the longer they wait the more attracted to them he is. He said he will never make anyone wait but the women will make him wait.
Howard asked what Bruce thinks about Val. Rumer said he loves Val. Howard asked Rumer if she saw ''Die Hard.'' She said she has seen all 5. Val said he loved Fifth Element. Howard asked Rumer to say hi to her dad for him. She said she will. Rumer said she was on the set for Fifth Element. She said she thought he looked so cool in that one. Howard said it must be weird to have both parents as actors. Rumer said it's hard to find someone else who can relate.
Howard said he doesn't see it working out for her if she dated another actor. Rumer said the guy she was dating was an actor. Howard said that's why it didn't work out. Howard said Rumer and Val are a cute couple. Howard said he will vote for them. Howard gave them some plugs and also told the fans to support Scout in the free the nipple thing. They went to break after that.
Howard said if he had Demi as a mom he's sure he'd still be shunned. Howard said even Weird Al Yankovic's kids would shun him. Howard said his only joy would be Demi taking his temperature anally. Howard said that would be fun. Howard said then Ashton would be his step dad and he'd really be insecure. Howard said that guy is fucking beautiful. He said he makes good investments too. Howard said his only friend would be Rocky Dennis from Mask.
Howard said he needed famous parents. He said his dad used to hit the record button for famous people but no one cared about that. Robin asked if he took friends to see that. Howard said he did but it didn't go well. Howard said his father would get angry. He said he'd call him a moron constantly when they were at the recording studio. Howard said his dad felt like he was wasting his time. Howard said he'd do bits with his friends and his father would tell them to get serious. Howard said he'd yell at him in front of the other kids. He said that never went well.
The caller asked Howard if he ever has to lie about jerking off like JD does to his girlfriend. Howard said thanks to the fans Beth knows that he jerks off. Howard said that they tell her what he says on the radio. Howard said that she was asking if he jerked off the other night and he told her that he was doing routines for them. Howard said he doesn't tell her he does it a lot. Howard said he would prefer that they not tell his wife that. Howard said everyone is such a dick. Howard said David Arquette often asks where the love is. Howard said that's what he's wondering.
The caller asked when Robin last masturbated. Howard said Robin says she hasn't been doing it lately. Howard said he texted her about it but didn't come right out and say it. Howard said he thought she was having a health issue. Robin said she's still not doing it. Howard asked if she's okay. Robin said he shouldn't call unless he wants to find out what's going on. Robin said her health is generally good but there are issues. Robin said she would talk to him about it off the air.
The caller, Apples, said he has a comedy show tonight. Howard asked him to tell a joke. Apples said he's putting him on the spot. Apples told a joke about a sign he sees around town that ''People Against Rape'' put up and he wonders if there are any people who aren't against rape. Howard said he needs s little more work on that joke. Howard said he should write some stuff for him. Howard came up with his own stuff about that. Howard threw Bill Cosby into the mix. Apples threw out some more of his lines but Howard didn't sound impressed. Howard was trying to help. Apples told another joke about an email address his dad had but it was too long. Howard said his set up was 25 minutes long and there was no payoff. Howard said that he took a nap during that one. Robin said she bailed out after the last one didn't go anywhere.
Howard said so far the funniest thing is his breakfast order. Howard tried to come up with some jokes for him. Howard was trying to work his way through his shitty material. Howard said he might want to avoid the rape jokes. Howard said his AOL joke was about rape too. Howard asked if he has ever raped anyone. Apples said of course not. Howard told Apples to go enjoy his breakfast. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he had a lot of meetings yesterday. He said he has so much business going on. He said just look what he does for a living. Howard said it's kind of funny to him. Robin said it's very important. Howard asked why people need a group against rape. He said he's still thinking that joke could go somewhere. Howard said no one has any suggestions for him. Fred said if anyone does it would be Sal.
Sal came in with a Cosby rape joke but that didn't go over very well. Howard asked Sal what he thought of his joke. Sal said he thought that was good. Howard had joked about having a friend who was a rapist but he complains a lot and he was sick of constantly doing the missionary position.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to get to the Ronnie tips and some other stuff. Howard said he has phony phone calls and a bunch of other things. They went to break after that.
Howard said you try to play along but come on. Robin said it was going on forever. Howard said you can't call in with a 7 hour bit. Robin said he was naming every band that ever played.
Howard said Ronnie made some sex tips for Earth Day. Howard played one where Ronnie was talking about taking a girl to the beach, putting seaweed on your cock and sticking it in her pussy and then eat it out of there like sushi. Howard said that guy is 65 years old. H said you want to think that a guy that age has some wisdom but Ronnie has more jizzum backed up in him than ever. Howard said he's a grandparent at this point.
Howard said he has one more. He played that and Ronnie was saying you take a girl to the botanical garden and take a tulip and rub it on the pussy two lips. Howard said this guy is 65 years old. Howard said these have to be his fantasies. Gary said the creepiest part is that Ronnie laughs so loud and maniacally out there. Robin said Ronnie loves them. She said that he was saying to her out there that he knows she can't wait for those tips.
Howard said Ronnie has a tan now. Howard said he was laying out in the sun in L.A. and he got beet red. He said he saw that Ronnie was completely baked. He said he was walking around on the boardwalk and he didn't have any lotion on down there in Atlantic City. Howard said Ronnie has moles all over him and he doesn't care about protecting himself. Howard, Fred and Robin were all doing their Ronnie impressions and goofing on him for a few minutes.
Robin said Howard talked about the blank look Ronnie has on his face on the plane. Howard said he just stares out a window the whole time. Howard said it's a 6 hour flight and he has nothing to do. Howard said lately he's been reading a newspaper.
Ronnie came in and said that he does put lotion on when he's in the sun. Howard said he's beet red. Ronnie said he got red when they were out in the desert. Ronnie said he got burnt really bad when he was a kid. He said he has the moles because of that. Howard said he has so many moles that they said they couldn't tattoo him. Ronnie said they made them part of the tattoo.
Howard said he took Ronnie for his first tattoo and the artist said he wasn't sure he could do it with the moles there. Howard said he suggested making them part of the beach in the shark tattoo. Howard said one of the moles is like shark shit.
Howard asked Ronnie if he had moles around the other tattoo. Ronnie said that one faded and he had to have it fixed. Howard wondered what that looks like. Howard said it tried to get away from him. Ronnie said he likes the pussy willow sex tip. Robin said that they're not out until the fall. Ronnie said it's earth day so they can come out now.
Howard asked Ronnie if he thought by the time he got to this age that his sex drive would diminish. Ronnie said he hopes not. Howard asked Ronnie to say something sexual right now. Ronnie said he wants to fuck Robin in her ass.
Howard played the sex tip with Ronnie talking about using pussy willow on a girl's clit. Howard asked Robin if she's sickened by him when she hears that. Robin said she is. Ronnie said she loves it. Robin said she doesn't understand how Stephanie does it. She said that he can't talk about that stuff with her. Ronnie said he does.
Howard said Bobo called the other day and told Shuli about what a ladies man he is. Howard said he was also talking about himself in the third person. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about fooling around in the shower with his ladies and how he is the adventurous guy. He said he throws toys into the mix as well. Howard said look at him. Ronnie was cracking up. He said he can see him tipping his wig to her like a guy would tip his hat. Howard said the way he's laughing at Bobo is the way people are laughing at him. Ronnie said he doesn't care.
Howard asked Robin if she would take Bobo or Ronnie in bed. Robin said she'd have to take Ronnie. Howard said if you want to see Ronnie tweeting then go online and watch. Howard said it's made like an old time movie. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Howard said on April 24th they'll have some Arbor Day tips from Ronnie. Howard said that he loves sex himself but that stuff that Ronnie talks about aren't floating around in his head.
Howard said he has Nick Kroll on the Wrap Up Show talking about the Simon Cowell thing. Howard played a clip where Nick said that Simon is looking like he has ''mom face'' where he looks like a wealthy older woman now. Nick said he thinks that he was just hustling for a job since he's out of work.
Howard said that's the way he looked at it. Robin said he doesn't need the job though. She said he was looking for a job to take and he wanted Howard's job. Howard said he's not sure how much longer he's going to do AGT. He said he just has to wait a little bit. Howard said he loves it when Robin sticks up for him. Robin said Simon is a piece of shit. She said that the woman he stole was from one of his buddies.
Fred did his Ronnie voice and did more sex tip talk. Howard got into that with him for a short time. They were goofing on him over the way he said Sushi. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said Sour is getting rewarded for his contribution. He said he's sure they fund him. Howard said he's jealous of Sour Shoes. Hanzi said he's pissed at the system, he's not jealous. Robin said maybe Sour does an impression of Hanzi and they can get rid of Hanzi. Howard said Sour is very hard to work with. He said he's his own thing and they have tried working with him.
Hanzi asked when they're going to have him up there again. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said it's a hassle. Howard said his parents have to approve. Howard said he's not the mental one, Hanzi is. Hanzi said Howard is just as mental as he is. Hanzi said Howard sold his soul. He said he wants to do that and join the Illuminati.
Hanzi asked why Bill Burr hasn't been on the show. Gary said he has been on the show before. He said he thinks he'll be coming on again soon. Hanzi said he hasn't been on. Gary just told him he had been on. Howard played him a theme song.
Hanzi asked what Howard is going to do when they leak his emails and they find out that he's been holding him down all this time. Gary said Hanzi sends a lot of emails about how they're holding him down. Howard said he's the only one paying attention to Hanzi. He said no one cares about this. Hanzi told him to hold on but Howard hung up on him. They played him off with another theme song about Hanzi.
Howard read some more email about Dumber than a Box of Rocks. Howard said that some people really loved Megan Rain. Howard read a bunch of other things that people are excited about like the Flaming Lips special that's airing on Friday night.
Howard said he has one email from a guy who saw High Pitch Eric at the airport. Howard read that long email and the guy was talking about seeing this guy attacking a donut and then he heard his voice and knew it was Eric.
Benjy said he has been really sad the whole day. He said he doesn't know what to do. He said it's not about Gonzo though. He said that he wants her out of his life but she showed up last night. He said that she was worried that she had a mouse. He said she stayed over. He said they kind of cuddled but not really. Benjy asked what he should do. Howard said he knows what he should do but he gets mad at him when he tells him. Benjy said he thinks about her as a potential wife. He said she needs help though. Howard said Benjy needs help, not Elisa. Howard said she is who she is. Howard said she's so fucking hot. He said he wants her to change but that's who she is. Benjy said that she needs to change a few things. Benjy said if Howard fell in love with a heroin addict... Howard said he wouldn't. He said he doesn't need the hassle.
Howard said Elisa is super hot but be prepared for a crazy ride if he marries her. Howard said he couldn't deal with it. Howard said that it's Benjy's problem, not her's. Fred played a ''Vortex Averted'' clip where they got out of the vortex before it was too late. Howard said his therapist needs that button.
Howard said Benjy is the one who needs help. Benjy said he's getting help. He said that he'll give Howard his therapist's name and he can check into it to make sure that she's legit. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said that Benjy would never torture anyone like that so he's not sure why he's letting her torture him.
Benjy said that Howard has said that he likes to fix people. Howard said that he doesn't need to do that with Beth. He said that he used to be attracted to damaged women. They kept getting close to the vortex so Howard kept playing that vortex averted clip.
Howard said a band went on a show and trashed their equipment and said they were coming for him. Howard played a clip of the band yelling out Baba Booey and that they were coming for them. Howard said these guys are out there promoting the show. Howard had one of the guys from the band on the phone. His name is Tyler. Howard said that his drummer is good. Tyler said they were on channel 13 out in Las Vegas when they did that. Howard said it seemed legitimate to him. Tyler said it is real TV. Howard said it didn't seem like public access. Howard thanked Tyler for that. He said the band is called Crackerman. You can find out more at CrackermanTheBand.com
Tyler said that it seems like Elisa is using Benjy to get on the air. He said when you're in a relationship it's hard for you to see it but everyone on the outside can see it. Howard said this guy is getting deep. Howard said he's making sense. Tyler said that she's clearly using Benjy. Howard let Tyler go after that. Howard asked Benjy if he's going to use that advice. Benjy said he doesn't know what to do. Howard said not doing anything can be the best.
Howard asked if Benjy is crying. Benjy said a little bit. He said it feels good to let it out. Jason was taking pictures of him crying. Howard told Ronnie to come in and talk about that. Ronnie didn't know what was going on.
Howard said Benjy needs to get laid. Benjy said he gets obsessed about things. Ronnie said he's not trying to be nasty. He said he has been hearing what's been going on with this. He said he really has to move on. Howard asked if he does. Ronnie said he definitely does. Ronnie said what's going on is crazy. Howard said he talks to Ronnie about stuff and it helps. He said this might help Benjy.
Ronnie said he was married with his wife for 37 years in total. He said when you split up after that amount of time you don't forget about it. He said you won't forget about this but you will move on and things will be okay. Benjy said he has had break ups. He said he knows that. Ronnie said what he has now is something he can move on easier from. He said it's much easier than a marriage. He said Benjy can get girls. Howard said he's proud of Ronnie. He said he thought he was going to tell him to shove seaweed in another woman's pussy. Howard said Benjy has to talk to Ronnie off the air. He said he really will help. He said he's like the Yoda of pussy.
Benjy said that he's afraid that Elisa is going to fall apart without him. Ronnie said she's hanging out with guys and having a good time without Benjy.
Howard had High Pitch Eric on the phone and asked what's up with him turning on Benjy. Eric said that Gonzo is his friend. Eric said that he wants to bring Benjy to his therapist tomorrow. Benjy said that she used to contact him all the time trying to get to him. Eric said he has another therapist he'd like him to talk to. Benjy said he has a therapist.
Howard asked Eric why he turned on Benjy. Eric said that he does a radio show with Gonzo. He said he wasn't turning on Benjy. Ronnie said taking Gonzo's side isn't helping Benjy. Howard said now Eric wants to help Benjy. He said you can't trust this guy. Howard thanked Eric for the call.
Benjy said he gets Gonzo wanting Elisa. He said it was a dick move to call in. Ronnie said he's a dick for going after her. He said they were trying to work things out. Benjy said he's mad at Elisa because she should have stayed out of his world for dating. Howard told Eric to apologize to Benjy. Eric said what he did wrong wasn't the right thing. Howard asked what he did. Eric said he's sorry for doing what he did. Eric said he was sorry to Howard and Robin too. Then they had him apologize to Fred, Gary, Ronnie and JD. Eric told Benjy to come with him to therapy tomorrow. Benjy said this is like a nightmare.
Howard had Eric say he's a big, fat snake in the grass. Eric did that. Howard said that Eric had an assgasm the other day when the FOX 5 weather guy said happy birthday to him. Howard played a clip of the shout out from the weather report. Howard said he had to take a quick break after that.
Robin read a story about Kurt Cobain being gone for at least 10-15 years. Robin said that his daughter is old enough to put out documentaries. Robin said maybe it's 20 years. Robin said before Kurt died he did a cover of a Beatles tune. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Howard said some things he recorded weren't meant for release.
Robin asked who Ice man is. Howard said he's a comic book character. Howard said he was like Mr. Freeze but a good dude. Robin said his real name is what? Howard didn't know. Robin said his name is Bobby Drake and he's coming out in the comic book. Howard played a clip of people being asked who the lamest comic book character is and it was Aquaman. Howard said he liked Aquaman. Howard played some Philly Comic-Con clips too. They had Wolfie talking to a guy in a mask. Wolfie had people doing R2-D2 impressions too.
Robin said that there's a Kylie Jenner challenge out there. Howard said he has no idea what that is. Howard asked if she's the good looking one. Robin said they're both good looking. Robin said that they say the challenge is using a glass to suck your lips into looking bigger by breaking blood vessels. Robin said that's what kids are doing to look like her. Robin said a plastic surgeon is asking people not to do this. Howard said he has never watched that show but he might have to start. Robin had a clip of the doctor talking about why you shouldn't try this.
Robin read about how Bruce Jenner has been spotted in a dress lately. Howard said it's really weird seeing him in a dress. Howard said he has to tune in Friday night to see the interview with him. He said he and Beth are going to make a night of it. He said that's their Oscars. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Ben Affleck asking the producers of the show where they found out his ancestors owned slaves to leave that out of the show. Robin said they ask stars to come on the show and they look back in the history of their family. Robin said you don't know what's in your family's past. Robin said Ben was shocked. Robin said he found out one of his ancestors owned slaves. Howard said he's glad he freaked out. Howard said at least he's freaked out by his ancestors.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes. He said he was going to try to have a conversation but Sour was already doing his thing. Sour was doing the weather and talking about Benjy and Elisa and singing a song about Elisa. Howard tried to get him to pay attention but he was singing at the top of his lungs. Then Sour stopped and started doing his Artie Lange impression. He did his Gary voice too. Howard asked Sour if he heard the positive email. Sour said he didn't. He asked if he's going to be in the studio. Howard asked if he can handle it. Sour did his Gary voice saying they should keep him in the green room. Sour did a Ronnie voice but then Howard said he had to go. Fred had some Steve Langford audio clips that he kept playing to talk to Sour. Howard said that Sour was the house band but he's difficult to harness. Howard asked if he could be Artie for the day. Sour said he could do that in his Artie voice. Howard asked if he could play that. Sour said he can try it now. Howard told him to just be Artie for one news story. Sour did his Gary and Jim McClure voices. Howard said he knew he couldn't do it.
Howard kept Sour on and had Robin do a story. Howard said it's such a good impression that Sour fell asleep as Artie. Howard asked Artie what he thought of this story. Sour did his Artie voice and talked to Howard as him. He was getting into a story about ''Daner'' and talking about his grandmother and his mother's cooking. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Sour as Artie. Howard asked Artie about Bruce Jenner. Sour asked Howard an F, Marry, Kill with Bruce, Nicole Bass and Chaz Bono. That cracked Howard up.
Howard had Robin do another news story. Robin read a story about Dr. Oz and what he said on his show about being silenced by 10 doctors. Robin had some audio of that. Howard asked Artie about that. Sour responded as Artie and it was working. He wasn't playing music or breaking into other voices. He had Howard cracking up. Howard did a live commercial read and did it with ''Artie'' as he talked about ''Ex Machina.'' Sour stayed in character and went along with the commercial. He was doing Artie's laugh and everything.
Robin read a story about a 100 Karat diamond that was sold for 22.1 million dollars. Robin said that it was sold at an auction. Robin said this diamond is classified as flawless. Howard wondered how a rock can be worth so much. He asked Artie what he thought of that. Artie told a story about buying a diamond. He was still in character. Howard said he did a good job. Sour broke character and did his announcer voice. He asked Howard to talk up a song. Howard said he would do that. He talked up a song as Sour was playing it. Howard let him go after that.
Howard and Robin talked about the diamond a little more. Howard asked what you do with a diamond like that. Robin said it's an investment. Robin said you expect it to go up in value.
Robin read that the Taliban is announcing that they will be attacking in the coming weeks. Robin said they say they will attack military bases. Robin asked why we haven't wiped them out yet.
Robin read a story about a suspected terrorist that was arrested in Paris. Robin said he was arrested after shooting himself in the leg.
Robin read about a terrorist plot that was going to take place in this country but it was stopped. Robin said they had some 16 year olds who were going to wage a war against military forces. Robin said they claim that they weren't going to carry the plans out. Robin had some audio of Senator Al Franken talking about that. Howard said he loves that he's a senator now. Howard said he's like the best senator ever.
Robin read a story about some prostitutes who are claiming that Warren Sapp attacked them. Robin had some audio of one of the women talking about the alleged attack.
Robin read a story about a college that had a ''slut walk'' going on to raise awareness for sexual assault. Robin had some audio of one of the women talking about it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a congressman threatening a protestor who touched him. Robin had some audio from the incident. Howard said he loves when people fight. Robin said that he did say if he touched him again that he'd drop his ass.
Robin read a story about how the republicans have gotten Mitt Romney to go out and attack Hillary Clinton. Robin said that Romney thinks that her current scandals are going to hurt her.
Robin read a story about Sandra Bullock being on the cover of People Magazine for the most beautiful people in the world. Robin had some details of what she says in the article. Howard said he thinks they should take looks only when you evaluate people. Robin said that's just what Sandra was saying. She said she's not sure why People chose her.
Robin read a story about Michele Leonhart stepping down from the DEA. Howard said he had to take a pish and do a few commercials. They went to break after that.
After the break they played Green Day's ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams'' until Howard came back. Howard came back and said he's empty now. Howard said they're going to wrap up the news and call it a day.
Robin said that researchers are close to a cure for type 1 diabetes. Robin read the details of the study that was done. Robin said that they could end up with a vaccine against it.
Robin read a story about how George Lucas wants to build affordable housing near his home. Howard wondered why he would want to do that. Howard said that you usually don't want it near your house. Robin said that he wants to build 224 units near his home. Howard said maybe all of the rooms will look like a parent's basement so all of the Star Wars fans could live there.
Robin read a story about Phil Rudd's court case and what's going on with that. Howard said he found tape of a guy who is going to live next to George Lucas. He had a guy dressed in a Tuscan Raider costume.
Robin read a story about Julie Bowen backing Sophia Vergara in her legal battle with Nick Loeb. Robin said that Vergara has two frozen embryos and she's in a legal battle over them. Robin said that Vergara just wants them to remain frozen. Howard said if you break up that's it. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon and Jay talked about the ratting out thing since Jay hadn't heard the show today. Jay said he thinks it's a tragedy that people do that kind of thing. Jon said they will reveal the results later in the show.
Jon said he wants to get Jay's thoughts on the Benjy and Elisa thing. He said Benjy was crying today. He said he feels for him as a friend but this is one hell of a saga they've been living through. Jay said he was wondering who would become the villain on the show and Benjy has been touting Elisa's talent. He said that it feels like it's a perfect mix of Benjy becoming not the villain... but it's so fun to watch how Gonzo is tormenting Benjy now. He said it's thrilling to think that Gonzo might sleep with Elisa. He said it's great theater. He said he wonders if it's all a conspiracy. Jon said that would be one hell of a conspiracy.
Jon said he doesn't know how this is all going to come out in the wash so to speak. He said Ronnie came in to give Benjy some advice. He said he spoke to him sincerely and told him he has to move on. Jay said that Benjy is getting advice from a guy who talks about sticking seaweed in a woman's vagina and eating it. He wondered if he's really going to take that advice from a guy like that. Jay said it's all very fun to listen to. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Ronnie has become the gift that keeps on giving. He said he's worth the money he pays for his subscription. He said he loves the sex tips and today was awesome. He said that the funniest thing was him consoling Benjy and he was talking about eating seaweed out of a girl's pussy a half hour earlier. Jon said that people can't wait to get more Ronnie. The caller said he and his friends have sex tips and he wanted to be judged. The caller did his own sex tip for a woman who had a baby and suggested using a breast pump on the woman's vagina. Jon said he thinks Ronnie would be happy to go there but he has some things to learn from Ronnie. Jay said he thought that was very creative. He said he'd love to see his boss seeing him say that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's sorry to hear about Benjy's girlfriend being shickcocked. He said that he doesn't know why Gonzo is even calling the show. Jon said Gonzo seems to have moved on and he's not sure if Howard remembers that Eric asked him to never have him on again. Jon said that Benjy doesn't want to hear that stuff. Jay said that Gonzo is the second worst villain in the story. He said people complain about Benjy but he's a great joke writer. He said Gonzo is the villain in the story now. He said that it's fantastic that he's going to fly across the country to have sex with Elisa. Jay said the best thing about Gonzo is that he would play things so innocent with Eric. He said he thinks he's a bright, smart operator in this whole thing. He said he's dying to see what happens.
Jon said that Benjy was in tears by the end of the show today. He said they took pictures of him to make sure they never forget that he did cry. Jon said Ronnie came in and talked about how he was in a serious marriage and how Benjy has to move on. Jon said Benjy made his bed and now he's lying in it. He said that he brought this on himself. Jay said the show is the house of pain. He said they push and ride each other until someone cries. He said it says something about people who like seeing this stuff. He said when Ronnie was fighting with Ralph it was something to hear them going at each other so personally. He said when you hear Benjy crying then you think they pushed it too far. He said it's an amazingly cool prism they've created there.
Jon said there are times when you're in the studio and you get caught up in the moment. He said you may go places you don't want to go. He said he thinks that may have happened a few times this week. Jon said everyone loves to be on the air and loves the attention but there is a price for that. He said in this case it was the raw emotion they saw out of Benjy. Jay said that the worst part is that this guy named Shitcock is trying to sleep with Benjy's girl. He said he'd be embarrassed by that if it was happening to him. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard loves Dancing with the Stars and Rumer Willis came in today. Jon said that Howard really likes her. Gary said he knows a lot about the show and only because of Howard's obsession with it. Gary said he gets the impression that it was more fun at the beginning when no one knew how to dance. He said now they have ringers. Jon said that's the impression he gets too. Jon said Howard loves talking about the world of celebrity too. He said this is Bruce and Demi's kid. Jon said he loves talking about that stuff. Jay said he's never seen the show. He said that he did listen to the interview and Howard did seem to like getting off hearing about her famous friends. Jay said he was wondering what Bruce thinks after an interview like that. Gary said if he were Bruce he'd call and thank him for being nice to his daughter. He said he think she did a good interview and treated her pretty good.
Jon said Howard has been into that celebrity world for a long time. Gary said he knows people who are best friends who came from opposite sides of show business and they go on vacation together because their kids go to school together.
Jay said he lives in Hollywood and his kids go to school with famous couple's kids. He said his kids go to the same school as Jay Z and Beyonce's kids go. Gary said that's what happens when you live in an area like that. Jay said he never introduces himself to famous people. He said he gets the feeling that they don't want to talk to strangers.
Jay said he met Jack White at a Dodgers game and he would never go up to him. He said Jack is a fan of Super Troopers so he introduced himself. Jay said he was doing a movie and he knows Willie Nelson. He said that Willie called him one night and told him that Snoop wanted to be in his movie. He said he went to meet him at a recording studio. He said they were all smoking grass and he had hoped that Snoop had seen one of his movies. He said he hoped they'd hit it off. Then a publicist stood up and introduced them and Snoop said ''I hear you make movies...'' Jay said that he was making a western but he figured he could use him in the film.
Jon said if Jay Z and Beyonce are in Gary's play group then what does he do. Gary said a lot of people think if you're both famous that you should hang out. He said that's not the way it is. Gary said if he thinks someone looks cool he'll go up to them. He said that he has gone up to some who don't know who he is and they look annoyed. He said that doesn't happen a lot though.
Gary said that Howard has had a lot of opportunities to do things like that and he doesn't know what to do. Gary said Jimmy Kimmel's party is a good example. He said he looks at it like how he can get to everyone and Howard looks at it like ''How do I get away from all of these people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved Sour Shoes today. He said he was finishing jokes that Artie would have said. Gary said he mentioned things that he thinks really happened. Jon said he really does have that memory because he can name things that happened in the 1970s. Jon asked Jay if he's impressed with that too. Jay said he listens to him do the voices and he wonders if he could do the impression. He said it's so quick and so fast and perfect. He said the material is good too. He said he can't figure out why he's not out in Hollywood just dominating. Jon said he has trouble just leaving his parent's house. Jay said the baby voice is very creepy so that's why he fits in perfectly with the show. He said Sour comes off as mad or insane.
Gary said Sour does voices of everyone there. He said his Gary and Artie are amazing. He does Gary the Conqueror and that's amazing. He said he even does their old office manager Tracey. Jay said to see him do such a range is amazing. Jon said that he won't release one until he's got it down. Jay wondered if he does a Howard impression. Jon said he really is incredible. He told him to keep up the good work.
Jon told Gary what the poll was about today. Jon said that he wants to know what the results are. Rahsaan said that 56 percent said that they would rat Howard out. Gary wondered what's in it for him if he rats him out. Gary said he wonders what he's doing. Jon said he's the one who did it. That's what it is. Jay said it's like Gonzo Shitcock getting in closer to Elisa. He said it's the back stabbing shit that it's about. Jon said there's a lot of that going on during the show too. Gary said it's like the clarion of bad news. He said there are people who love to give the bad news. Gary said he knows a guy who had to be the person to tell him that Kinison was dead. He said that it should have been Fred or someone but it was this person because they just had to be that person.
Jon wrapped up and gave plugs to Jay for his movie fund raiser thing. Gary got in some plugs and they ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon said they'll get an answer by the time the show is over. Jon said after the break they'll have Neil there. They went to break after that.
Jon said Gary has met Neil before. He said that he must get a lot of people asking about strange things. Neil said they don't lead off with it but they do land there. Neil said they do ask about aliens and god and things. Gary said he had lunch with Neil and someone else and this person was so excited. He said the person asked Neil ''What happens when we die?'' Gary said he was mortified. He said Neil doesn't know the answer to that. Gary said the guy must have thought he was going to get super secret information. Gary said that Neil doesn't know where we go when we die. Neil said they know where the energy goes from your molecules. He said you have energy content in your body from what you've eaten. Neil said that he wants to be buried and not cremated. He said the energy is burned and he'd rather be buried in a box. He said that way the flora and fauna can dine upon him like he has dined upon it. Neil said you can believe in ghosts and all of that but there is no evidence of that.
Neil said there have been about 100 billion people who have died and if there are ghosts there would be a lot of ghosts.
Jon said they have someone on the show who thinks his bed levitated and he saw ghosts. Jon said he really believes it. Jon said it's hard to talk sense with a person like that. Neil said that you can explain it that it's a personal truth and then the objective truth. Gary said he basically just said what Howard said that day. Neil said that you can't say they're lying. He said they believe it happened to them. He said you don't want to call them a liar. Neil said that in a court of law you ask for a witness but in science you say get the witness out of the room. He said that the brain is one of the least reliable ways of getting the truth.
Gary said they have someone on the show who claims that he was taken by a space ship and he knows what was done to him buy the aliens. He said he has made a small business making symbols that will get you on the mother ship. Neil said he wants one of those... just in case. Gary said he thinks Howard kicked up his business with those. Neil said whatever he says happened to him, that's okay but science can establish a truth objectively. He said you want government to base their laws on that too. He said that if they base it on personal truths then people will have differences.
Jon asked Neil if he's surprised by his acceptance in pop culture. He said it can be a difficult thing to do. Neil said he freaks out every morning that he sees his 3.5 million Twitter followers. He said maybe it's evidence that there is a previously undeserved thing that the public has for science that dives the wonder. He said he thinks he can weave the science into pop culture. Gary said he wants to know science and Neil is able to say it in understandable ways. Neil said he doesn't have to dumb it down. He told Gary about what he did during a super bowl once and how he weaved science into his pop culture mentions. He said that's all he's doing. He said it's not a secret formula.
Jon said they played something today from Comic-Con and Neil must encounter a lot of people who hail him as a rock star there. Jon asked how he deals with them. Neil said that as crazy as they can look at the end of the day they know the difference between fantasy and fact. He said they are the ones who understand science. He said if they don't they do understand why science is important. Neil said that there were famous actors that he would have lined up to get an autograph from and he had a huge audience around him asking about black holes and things like that. He said he's just their servant and serving up their buffet.
Gary said they send someone out to the Comic-Cons and the thing that makes Howard laugh is when you interview someone and they are in a mask and their voice is muffled. Gary said a 40 year old man in a costume like that and not knowing if they know the difference between reality and fantasy is fascinating.
Neil said that they're all getting laid but with each other. He said there are two different circles of reality. Neil said that you don't have to find sex, sex finds you.
Jon said he disagrees with him on one thing he said. Neil said he loves disagreements. Jon said when he's at Comic-Con there are people who don't know that Jim Parsons is playing a character. He said George Takei will start talking about his character like he believes part of him is that character. He said he thinks that fans forget that those people are actors. Jon said that he believes that they believe they're talking to the real person.
Neil said he respects what he says. He said there may be some of that going on. Neil said the test is on a stage when you have the writer and the actor on stage. He said the questions go to the writers and not the actors. Gary said that George has talked about how he turned down a part in a movie because his character didn't get the promotion he expected. He said it's not a real thing but even George thought of it like a real thing. Jon spent a little more time talking about that and then went to break.
Jon asked Neil what his take is on the whole Mars trip program. Neil said he's been trying to have a conversation with the Dutch person who is running the program. Neil said that it's interesting that the Dutch are trying to get in on it. Neil said there's one thing where you are traveling the world but they could breathe the air. He said Mars is hostile to human physiology. He said they have to create these modules to live there but it's like living in an earth module and not living on Mars. He said he loves the audacity of it.
Jon said they had a conversation with Louis C.K. about aliens too. He said that Louis thought that if we do have Aliens show up they are going to be above us in some way. Neil said he agrees and they may want to eat us or turn us into their pets. Neil said that they have to be able to think in ways that we can't even think. Neil said you learn about insect vision and they see different colors. He said it's shifted. He said we can get insects to go to bulbs that they don't even see. He said we zap them when attracting them to the light. He said that we're smarter than they are. He said just imagine the same thing with an alien race. Jon said stay away from the blue bulbs if we do run into any aliens.
Gary said if we find another alien race we may do the same thing. Neil said we do that with ourselves. He said just imagine what we'd do to aliens. He said we do things that is based on fear. Gary said if we went to a planet and found ET every kid would want one as a pet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is such a fan of the series Cosmos. He said that he thinks anyone with kids would like it. He said it's such a great series. He asked Neil if he thinks with the vastness of the galaxy what are the chances of there being someone else out there and them having the technology to get them there. Jon said that Riley believes they are out there. Neil said it is vast and old and there are 100 billion galaxies and 100 billion stars in each one. He said this is huge. He said if you say there is no other intelligent life out there that's kind of ignorant. He said that if there is another species out there would they rank us as we rank them? He said we may not be intelligent compared to them. Neil said we can't even communicate with Chimpanzees. Neil said the aliens could enslave us by knowing we like really good food, sex and shelter. He said the aliens would study that and offer it all to us for free and they'd have us. He said they could create a zoo where they offer that all and they'd be able to lock the door on us forever.
Gary said he was on one of Neil's shows talking about gadgets. Gary said he likes the idea of teleportation. He said that the science isn't there right now. Gary said that the science wasn't there in 1500 to have a cell phone. Gary said that there was no science for sending something into the air. Neil said he didn't mean to say it was impossible. He said that we don't know how to do that yet. He said maybe in 500 years we will be able to do it. He said if we have worm holes we wouldn't need that teleportation device. He said in Monsters Inc they had worm holes. He said that is an instantaneous way to move. He said that could be possible some day too.
Gary said he'd just like to get to Paris in not 8 hours. Neil said they could have a door to Paris and a door to London. He said that's the airport of the future.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Neil about discovering new planets and saying they might be inhabitable. He asked how they figure that out. Neil said that's a great question. He said they have found about 1000 planets that could be Earth like. He said they have some that are the right distance from their star. He said that if they see oxygen on a planet they know there is life there. He said if they see hydrocarbons there may be no intelligent life at all.
Jon said they have the results of the poll for today. Rahsaan said that his days of being the smartest black guy there are over now. He said the winning claim was the third one with 45 percent of the votes. He said the second claim had 38 percent.
Neil talked about the reptilian thing and how he sort of understands where that comes from. Jon asked what he thinks about the mother ship hanging out by Saturn. Neil asked why it would be there. Jon asked about the bugs being 5 feet tall. Neil said if they were that tall they would collapse under their own weight. He said their legs would have to be thicker. He said that's why large animals have large legs.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. Neil was also telling Rahsaan about how there have been a lot of very geeky black guys in movies and there's an interesting tradition there. They were done around 11:50am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon said they also have a poll question up today. He asked Rahsaan about the details of that. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Should Howard allow Hanzi in the Illuminati?''
Jon asked if Richard thinks Hanzi should be allowed in. Richard said that they all did the secret handshake this morning but he's bound to not say anything more than that toady.
Jon asked Richard if he enjoyed Birdman more than Howard did. Richard said he did. He said that's when he wants to call in and be the Hanzi of movie reviews. He said that he has seen many versions of this kind of movie and he thinks Birdman is so much better even if you didn't care for the ending. Jon asked why it's stuck in Howard's cross hairs. Richard said it's an aggressive film and it's in your face. He said Howard did make a good point about how actors like to pat each other on the back. He said part of it was that over the top kind of movie.
Jon asked Richard about Private Parts and how good that was. Richard said that it's really good, subtle acting. He said Howard has a look in his eyes and it's a really strong performance. He said the movie holds up really well for a 20 year old movie. Jon said he thinks that everyone did really well in it. Richard said playing yourself is one of the most difficult things to do.
Jon asked Richard about Robin's movie taste. Richard said sometimes she says things that are just way out there. He said one of those things was saying that Brad Pitt isn't a movie star. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that they have a special guest in. He said Michael Rapaport is in. Jon congratulated him on his appearance on Louie. He said that he played a NYC cop in the show. Michael said it was a stretch. Jon said he felt like he really dug the part. Michael said he did. He said that Louie has some great writing and it reminds him of a Woody Allen script. He said that he sets things up similar to Woody and it's very comfortable. Michael said it's a dream to work in an environment like that. Michael said the response has been good and it was fun.
Jon said he can see Michael being that cop and calling people out like he did. Michael said he's going to get warmed up but he sees that they have another gift bag for him. Jon said Richard got one too. Jon asked if he wanted to compare them. Michael said he did. Jon said last time Michael was in he took umbrage to what he had in his bag. He said he wants them to customize them for each guest.
Michael said he had a t-shirt in the size Medium. He said that this is all one conglomerate there at the Stern studios. He said the first thing he pulled out this time is a thing of apple sauce. Michael said he wants to walk away with some kind of prize or something. Michael asked if he's 6 years old or something. He said this is a kindergarten lunch. Michael said they have shaving cream in the bag. He said there's heavy duty Potpourri for shitting. He said they have porno and an edible thong. He said he's excited coming there and this is what they give him.
Richard said his is very heavy. He pulled out some bourbon and there's enough for the whole staff there. Jon asked what else he has. Richard said he has a t-shirt that says ''home'' on it. He had some socks, a Howard Stern baseball cap and some other things. He said it just keeps on coming. Jon asked if he's satisfied. Richard said he would have been with just a handshake and a thank you. Michael said it's an insult that he's walking out of there with apple sauce.
Jon asked Michael what he wants. Michael said he has a tie with a Star Wars thing on it. He asked what he's to do with it. He said he's going to leave it there for them to pack up for the next asshole to come in there.
Jon said maybe they're trying to help him out. Richard said if you look at the stuff they gave him it's like they're setting him up like a serial killer. He said that's the kind of stuff they'd find in a serial killer's apartment. They spent a few minutes on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had to watch the Gary Love tape again. He said he wondered what they thought about that being the first ever kick starter campaign ever. He said it was crowd funded. He said they hit the goal and they watched the tape. Jon said it's similar to something like that. He said it's a good point.
Jon said they have never talked to Michael about that. Michael said he's not sure what that is. Jon asked what kind of fan he is. Jon said he'll let Richard talk about that. Richard said it's a raw video of a young Gary Dell'Abate trying to win back a girl. He said it an embarrassing thing that he did as a younger man. Richard said that they found out it was available and this was for the release and distribution. Jon said Gary regrets it to this day. Michael asked what his hair was like. Jon said it's just like he'd picture it being. Michael said that's a nice head of hair he has. Jon said that's where the ''Hello, hello'' thing came from. Michael said he has to see this. Jon said he'll send it to him.
Michael said he wanted to ask Richard a film question. He asked what 3 movies he would bring to an island with him if he was stuck with just 3. Richard said that if Goodfellas is on you'll stay with it. He said he can watch the first two Godfathers and he can watch Goodfellas over and over again. He said he might bring a comedy but that's the toughest one. He said it might be Planes Trains and Automobiles or something like that. Michael said he would pick Raging Bull as his first. He said maybe Caddy Shack and Animal House or maybe Big Lebowski or Goodfellas. He said he might go with Rocky.
Jon said he would take the Godfathers as one. He said Airplane would be his comedy. Jon said The Sting would be his third. They went to break after that.
The caller said the Ronnie's sex tips are great and he could listen to them over and over. He said they should do that more. Jon said that if they played more of them then it might get to be too much. Richard said he thinks if he did a full hour of that then there would be less births 9 months later. Richard said he says things that have never existed in human sexuality. Jon asked Michael how he feels about his action at this age. He asked if it impresses him. Michael said it does impress him. He said Ronnie is frozen in time and he's all fucked up but his fuck style must be wild. He said it's about this strong point of view he has. He said it's like a filmmaker and how you can respect them for that strong point of view.
Richard said that even when Michael and Ronnie are being nice they sound like they're angry. Michael said he has to hang out with Ronnie more. Richard agreed.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that they must consider that this Benjy and Elisa thing is all an act. Jon said they have thoguh that but he thinks that it's way too deep to be an act. Michael said if you see the darkness in Benjy's eyes you'll believe that it's real. The caller said that it seems so strategic that other Stern Show people have been brought into it. She said that it seems like they're just so desperate for attention. She said it's so absurd to her. Jon said he gets it. He said they do love people paying attention to them. He said this is beyond that though. He said it makes you feel for them. He said it's a love story that won't end well. Richard said he shares her cynicism but he thinks it would be a years long stunt. He said it's like an Andy Kaufman kind of thing.
Michael asked why he has to beg and plead to have Benjy and Elisa on the show when he's there. He said he wants to talk to these freaks. He asked where he is. Jon said maybe there's a reason they're avoiding him. He said he wants to talk to these people face to face. He said he is going to demand that he sees these people next time he comes in there.
Michael said he would love to hang out with Hanzi for a day in the city. He said he has no idea what he looks like though. He said he has no idea what anyone on the show looks like. He said he wouldn't know JD if he walked in. Michael said he has the feeling that Hanzi needs a scrub down. They showed him a picture of him and he said he had no idea. He said he's not sure he wants to hang out with him anymore.
Michael said he has no idea what Mariann from Brooklyn looks like either but he'd guess she looks like Marissa Tomei's older aunt. They showed her a picture of her too. He said she doesn't look crazy but she sounds like a fool on the radio.
Jon said if anyone wants to meet him next time he'll set them up. Michael said that he isn't upset about it but he wants some of the other stuff when he's in there. He said he doesn't ask for much. He said he comes up there and he doesn't get anything back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Benjy stuff is ridiculous. He asked if they think Howard cares as much as it looks. He said he can't understand it. Jon said Howard does care. He said he is concerned about Benjy. He said it works though because it's good radio but he is worried about him being okay. Richard said he thinks Howard is mirroring what the audience feels. Richard said Howard turns Benjy's microphone on and then he'll regret it. He said it's what the audience is going through too. Jon said it drives Howard nuts when Benjy argues with him when he's trying to be on his side.
Jon said they have the results of the poll. Jon asked if Howard should let Hanzi in the Illuminati. Rahsaan said that 67 percent said no. Jon said the audience has spoken. Michael said he has to say he doesn't think he's ready. He said he knows he wants it but he doesn't think he's ready. He said it's not something they can discuss on the air. They went into a ''Fight Club'' kind of bit for a minute. Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show around 11:50am.