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Howard started the show talking about Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg coming in to meet High Pitch Eric. Howard said he's not sure what time that is. Robin said she thought it was around 8. Howard said it's not on his rundown. Gary said it is 8 o'clock. Howard said there was a screw up. He said it's not on his schedule.
Howard said he's dreading this whole week. He said he got bamboozled. He said he was duped. Howard said when he signed up for America's Got Talent he was told he had to do a week in Los Angeles. Howard said they had trouble with venues so they booked him for 12 days in L.A. Howard said they only have 12 days in New York. He said half the show is shot in L.A. Howard said he was duped. Robin said it's not 15 days over weeks. Howard said he has to give up 2 weeks of vacation though. Howard said he fucked up.
Robin said she knew Howard was going to be cranky over this. Robin asked if this has to do with him taking so much time to make his decision. Howard said he was duped. Howard said he was going to be in there on Wednesday but now they need him Thursday morning so he has to take another day off. Howard said he can't fly out after the show. He said it's a whole dog and pony show. Howard said if he doesn't do another contract there at Sirius then he could do another season at AGT. He doesn't think he'll do one if he signs with Sirius again.
Howard had David Arquette on the phone. Howard wanted to find out what happened with him and Justin Bieber. Howard said Robin explained it to him that he owns a club with some people. David said that they have a club called Omnia at Caesar's in Las Vegas. He has a club within a club there. David said they're the VIP room in Omnia.
Howard said David was told by his fellow owners to stay away. David said that's not it. David said Justin had a birthday party at their club. He said they had the party after the Comedy Central Roast. Howard said that roast is on tonight at 10pm. Howard said that he saw it and it's very funny. Howard had some clips from the roast because Joel Gallen directed it and sent him some clips. Howard played some of Jeff Ross roasting Justin.
David told Howard that he went to a friend's party in Vegas after the club thing. He said he went up in the elevator and there were a bunch of people in there. He said he ended up going to the wrong party. He said he was crashing the party. He didn't think it was so bad because he was just at their club. David said he thought he had a pass because he only had one friend with him. He said he thanked Justin for doing his party at their club. Then he got flicked in the head by a bottle cap. Howard said he's a prick. David said he thought it was a home boy game he was playing. David said he ran to the bathroom so he chased him. He said he was giggling so he thought it was just silly fun. He said he started talking to his friend and then Justin walked in front of him. He said he had just flicked him in the head so he popped him right in the nuts but not too hard. He said he flicked him so he flicked him back. He said Justin laughed that off too. He said then it got weird.
David said he had a suit on and it says David Arquette on the pinstripes. He said that this suit takes weeks to order. Howard said he has to calm down with this stuff. He said he's too old for this. David said he's doing really good with the club and all of that. He said that he went to the party accidentally. David said this suit is custom made. He said that they're not easy to get made. He said that suit is at least 8 grand. He said he showed Justin the suit and he said he'd like to make one for him. He said at that point he thought he was trying to sell him a suit or something. He said he may have come off too aggressive. Howard asked if he was drunk. David said he was a little saucy. He said he wasn't drunk. David said he thinks he was offended so he was asked to leave.
David said the story that came out said he left and then came back to fight him. David said that this is a shameful moment for him. He said that the fans will like this. He said he walked out and he ended up going back in. He said he will never do this again but he went up to Justin and apologized. He said his sister just won an Oscar so don't get too big in your britches. He said that's what he said to Justin. David said he knows that he shouldn't have said that. David said that he didn't go back to fight him. He said he felt weird about the thing.
Howard said this kid flicking a bottle cap at him is like Game of Thrones when that King Joffrey was doing stuff to people. He said that David is 40 something years old and he has done things in the industry. He said you just don't do that.
David said at the end of the Justin Bieber Roast none of them popped him in the nuts like he did. Howard said he thinks he was in his rights. Howard said he doesn't need to be going to his party. David said he's a great guy. Howard asked how he can say that. Howard said Justin is flicking bottle caps at a human being's head. David said he does that kind of stuff too. Howard asked who he does that to. David said he has done it.
Howard said this is an odd story. He said the two of them shouldn't be in the same room. Howard said who would give a fuck about being at that party anyway. David said he's trying to build a business. Howard said he doesn't need to crash a party though. David said he didn't mean to. Howard said he should have walked away when he knew it was the wrong party. David said he's right about that. Howard said he was probably embarrassed by the whole thing. David said he's embarrassed by what he said at the end. Howard said the kid shouldn't be throwing stuff at his head. David said he knows this stuff. Howard said he's trying to teach him a lesson.
Howard tried to talk to David but David kept interrupting him. Howard said he never has anything like this happen to him because he goes to bed at 8. Howard said he should go to sleep now. David said he waited up for him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that David doesn't need all of that. Howard said he has a lot of money. Robin said he's a businessman. Robin said Justin shouldn't have thrown stuff at his head. Howard said that's what he was trying to say. He said he gets that he's trying to build a business. Howard said he doesn't want him walking around trying to crash a party.
Howard said Justin left them a voicemail. He played a kid talking about how he made him cry.
The caller asked if Howard saw Eddie Murphy's daughters in the pictures on the beach. Howard said he did. He said his daughters are hot and have good bodies. Howard said Eddie's girlfriend is fucking perfect though. Howard said she is a blonde goddess. Howard said he saw the pictures on the Daily Mail. Howard said the comments said she was too skinny. Howard said she is so hot that it's dizzying. Howard told Jason to put a link up for those pictures. Howard said Eddie's daughters must be freaking out about how hot they are. Howard said that chick is as perfect as perfect gets.
Howard said Beth knows that woman from a modeling gig. Howard said he was imagining them together. Howard said he's not sure how Beth knows her but he thinks she did a commercial with her or something. Howard said he knows some racist people get upset that a black man is with a white woman.
Howard said when you have a girl like that you don't need to be funny. He said some people wonder why he's not funny anymore. He said that's why.
Howard said even racist guys say they like Eddie Murphy. That's until he starts dating a white woman. Then the racists aren't fans. The caller said that it's not the same thing with a white man dating a black woman. He said that's what it was like with Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg.
Howard said Eddie fucks the hottest women. He said he knows guys who are 80 years old who get chicks as hot as Eddie gets. Howard said the world is confusing.
The caller said that Holly Madison was talking about how she thought of suicide when she was in the Playboy mansion. Howard said she went back with him though. He said that she got used to being in that mansion.
Howard said that woman should lave the business. Howard said Zayn left One Direction. Robin said John Stamos wants to join. Howard said he's in the Beach Boys though.
Howard said he has some more fun. He said he's going to play a game with Robin. Howard asked if it's a girl crying because Zayn left or some other tragedy. Robin guessed it was because of Zayn. Howard said she's right. Howard played another clip and Robin guessed it was something else. Robin was right. It was a woman in labor. Howard played another one and Robin guessed it was a One Direction fan. She was right. Howard played another clip of a woman crying and Robin guessed it was a fan. She was wrong. That one was a woman crying because her husband came home from a war. Howard played a couple more for Robin and she was getting a bunch right. She missed one when Howard played a Nancy Kerrigan crying clip.
Howard played a few more that were talking about Zayn leaving. Howard said maybe they'll go on to put out better music. Howard said someone had better cry like that when he retires. He said maybe Fred will.
Robin said the person who will cry is Sal. Howard said that's right. Howard asked if he got upset. Robin said when he missed the announcement about the last contract. Howard said he thought she was talking about One Direction.
Howard played another clip of some screaming. It turns out it was a woman who got sentenced to life in prison. Howard played another one where a woman was crying and it was a woman who had sex with Jeff the Drunk. She broke down crying after that. Howard played that one twice. Robin said she thinks she'd have the same reaction.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he read that there were 100 suicides over Zayn leaving One Direction. Howard said he heard that he left over a Yoko type or thing. Fred said his daughter got upset because Harry cried over it. Fred said he knows way too much about this stuff. He said his wife has gone to a One Direction concert and it's nothing but shrieking. He said that there are no thoughts of suicide or anything.
The caller asked if they could play a Robin singing clip to wish him luck with a test he has coming up. Howard said he has something better. Howard played the clip of a Choir singing the ''This is Beetle'' song. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and Robin said she's really enjoying this song. She said she would dance to that song on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she can't dance to that. Robin said she can. Robin said she just saw it all. Howard said it's good they have dancing coaches on that show.
Howard said Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy are there to make High Pitch Eric's dream come true. Howard had Donnie and Jenny come in. He said that he was always trying to find love for Jenny. Howard said Louis C.K. was interested. Jenny said she wasn't interested. She said she was open to dating anybody at a point. She said she wanted to find '' the one.'' She didn't care what kind of package it came in. Howard said Donnie is the whole package. Donnie said she's tamed now. Howard said Donnie finally tamed her. Donnie said it took a lot of tools and weaponry.
Howard asked how long they've been together. Jenny said it's about 2 years. Howard said the longest they've ever been apart is 7 hours. Donnie said he said that in jest. He said that's not really true. He said whatever you say ends up in the press. Donnie said that he marvels at the stuff that ends up in the headlines.
Howard said Jenny and Donnie are together a lot. Jenny said because of work they have to be apart. Jenny said she has to follow him around the house. She said she talks to him through the door when he's in the bathroom. Howard said he must want to shit in private. Howard asked if she is part of that. Jenny said she will hold his hand if he wants her to. Howard asked if he ever wants a moment alone to himself. Donnie said he never thinks that. He said he will hold certain types of shit for another time.
Howard said this is a real love story. He asked if they worry that it's an infatuation. Donnie said he doesn't think so. He said they're both in their 40s and they've both been in other relationships. He said he thinks they know how to keep it fresh and alive. Jenny said it takes work to do that. Howard said if they get divorced it's going to be so embarrassing. Jenny said she hopes for the best for both of them. She said it does take work though.
Howard asked Jenny why she talks about farting in front of Donnie. Donnie said she let one rip this morning that was pretty ripe and he enjoyed it. Howard said he did not. Howard said he can't like the smell of her shits. Donnie said not her shits. He said they can be pretty potent. Jenny asked if Beth farts around him. Howard said never. He said one time she did by accident and she wanted to kill herself. Howard said it's so hot to him that she doesn't do that. Howard said everyone should be like Beth. Jenny said girls can toot cute. Howard said that's not true.
Howard asked when they heard the news that High pitch was so into Donnie that he put on a blonde wig and wanted to blow Donnie. Donnie said he doesn't like men approaching him at urinals. He said that this big guy showed up in the bathroom and he was standing there next to him. He said he told him about how much he loves Blue Bloods and he gave him a manifesto. He said he wasn't able to find it this morning but he did keep it.
Howard said they're going to bring in Eric in a minute. He asked Donnie about growing up in Dorchester and he must not have ever expected to be a superstar. Donnie said a lot of things are against all odds. He said he and Jenny both came from backgrounds like that. He said he saw Howard's movie and his background is a lot like that. He said he was bussed to Roxbury and he was exposed to a lot of things that shaped him into the person he is now. Donnie said that it all worked out for him.
Howard said this guy Maurice Star was holding auditions and looking for a boy band. Donnie said there really weren't auditions. He said Maurice put together New Edition and he wanted to do a band full of white kids. Donnie said he met Maurice through a mutual friend. He said he met him and said he only knew one white guy who could do this and it was Danny Wood. He said he wanted to make it a racially diverse group. Howard asked if he was doing stuff in school like this. Donnie said that he was the good kid. He said he was doing music and plays in school while his friends were out stealing cars. Donnie said he was probably a little more nervous than the other kids. He said he was going to steal a car and he didn't know how to drive so he chickened out. Donnie said it wasn't a matter of if he was going to steal a car but when. He said that's what they did back then.
Howard said Mark is a real enigma. Howard said he got in the band and decided it was too pop so he got out. Donnie said he doesn't think that's it. Howard asked why Mark Wahlberg left the band at 13. Donnie said they lived in a different part of Dorchester. He said Mark made friends in the neighborhood. He said that he didn't do that himself. He said that it was intense there. Howard asked why Mark left though. Donnie said Mark wanted to be with his friends stealing cars and stuff.
Howard asked if Donnie thought he would be a shitty parent since his parents were kind of bad at it. Donnie said they weren't bad at it. He said they had great parents. He said they had 9 kids though so that's what they were bad at. He said they were bad at birth control. He said they couldn't manage all of them. He said they weren't able to keep their eye on them. Donnie said that all of his brothers and sisters are the best parents. He said they've all straightened their lives out and they're all sober.
Howard said Maurice put the band together and they were going to call it Nyuk after the Three Stooges. Donnie said that's right. He said they put their first album out and it bombed. Donnie said he stayed in the band and he formed the band with his friends. Howard asked if he thought it was over after that first tanked album. Donnie said that he always thought something great was going to happen. He said that they put out their second album and they were pout on a pop station even though they were considered an R&B band. He said they ended up crossing over and had some hits.
Howard said then they sell 80 million albums. He asked if they thought they had a meal ticket and they were out of there. Donnie said that it wasn't like that. He said that his parents broke up and he became that kid. He said that he was the responsible one. Howard asked if he saved his money. Donnie said he did. He said he took care of his family too though. He said that he helped his family buy houses.
Howard said Mark was in trouble and he said to him that he'd produce an album for him and that worked out for him. Donnie said they did a lot of the work and everyone was crediting Maurice for that. He said that he did help but they did a lot of the work. Donnie said he put Mark in the studio and got him working.
Howard asked if Maurice got a lot of money. Donnie said he did get a lot but they felt a real kinship with him. He said Maurice was like a big kid. He said they'd go out and hang with him like friends. He said when they got famous then things got touchy for Maurice. He said that Maurice was taking credit for their fame and it got weird. He said that he was saying that you don't need talent to be famous, you just need him. Howard said guys like that get insecure. Howard said that it was the same thing with the general managers at radio stations.
Donnie said he was prepared for Mark getting famous. He said he didn't want to become Maurice. He said that he just let his brother be famous. Howard said that was big of him to do that. Howard said most people don't have that ability.
Howard said this kid in New kids on the Block, Jonathan, decided to leave the band. Howard asked if he thinks about this kid Zayn leaving and if he thinks he should milk it for as long as he should. Donnie said it depends on the guy you are. He said that he may be the Lance Bass of the group and he should stay. He said if you know who you are on the pecking order then you can do that.
Howard asked if Donnie sat Jonathan down and told him that he shouldn't leave. Donnie said this was around 1994 when he started to waiver. He said they weren't it anymore. He said grunge was in and they were done. He said their fans were growing up. Donnie said that everything was shrinking. Howard said maybe Jonathan saw it before the rest did. Donnie said he thinks he was going through a lot at the time. He said he's openly gay now. He said that Jonathan may not have felt right being in the band. He said later on they got back together and he realized that being awkward was okay.
Howard said Donnie reinvented himself and got into acting. Howard said he worked with Tupac in a movie. Howard asked how that was. Donnie said it was great. Howard said Madonna was fucking him at the time. Howard asked if he talked about that. Donnie said he didn't. Howard said he knows that Donnie had a wife at some point but he wonders if he got the fucking out of his system. Donnie said AIDS was running rampant at the time. He said they lost 3 people in management to it. He said things were crazy. Donnie said they loved this guy Alexander O'Neill and he got charged with rape and he was gone. He said that if you were accused of that in the 80s then you were gone. He said in the 90s it was different. Donnie said they were very cautious at the time.
Robin asked if he got any famous women. Donnie said he had a few. He said they were kind of fake though. He said they just wanted to walk into a night club with him to get a photo taken. Jenny said she's shocked that their paths never crossed back then.
Howard asked if Mark is forever indebted to him. Donnie said not in his mind. He said that's up to Mark. He said he hears about how great he's doing and he would rather hear that than hear about him being in a jail cell. He said Mark has worked his ass off. He said that it's what they do with an opportunity that matters.
Howard said Jenny has talked to him about this and he doesn't understand why Mark wasn't at their wedding. Howard said he'd think that he'd show up to something like that. Howard said he senses that there's a breakdown in their relationship. Donnie said he doesn't think that's it. He said he and Mark have to work together with the Wahlbergers restaurant stuff and he thinks that Mark was reminded of his business acumen. He said it helped bring them back together. Howard asked why there was a breakdown there though. Donnie said he doesn't think there was. Donnie said what he thinks is that much like he needed to distance himself from Maurice Star, Mark had to do that with him.
Howard asked Donnie about doing TV and why he doesn't do movies. Donnie said that Mark wants different things. He said that he likes doing TV himself. He said he'd rather work than sit around in a trailer all day. He said that Mark didn't go to the wedding but his daughter's birthday was the day after. He said that he didn't go to Mark's wedding. He said they are in business together and they both work a lot. He said that he understands that his brother would rather spend a day off with his daughter than with him. He said they still have dinner together and all of that. Howard said he's reading between the lines. He doesn't think it's great. Howard said Jenny is a great girl and there is nothing to be afraid of there. Donnie said Mark has met her and he's very nice to her. Jenny confirmed that.
Howard said the TV career is good. Howard said that High Pitch Eric is in love with the show Blue Bloods. Mark said it's been on for 5 years now. Howard said that's pretty good.
Howard said that Donnie has agreed to do something that most people wouldn't do. Donnie asked what he signed on to do.
Howard said he is guessing he has more money than Jenny does. Howard said he must have a lot of money from the TV show and from the band. Howard said he had to have a pre-nup discussion. Jenny said they did that. She said that it's not so hard with the second marriage. Howard said that they have to come up with an arrangement. He said Jenny has her own money but she is giving herself to him. Howard said she must be getting some money. Jenny said no. Howard said she really is a great girl. Donnie said he was at work and Jenny called crying. He said that they just had a real talk about it and they want to be happy. Howard said they get to keep whatever is theirs. Jenny said that's it. Howard said she's some fucking girl. Donnie said they want this to work. He said they are public people and they want this to work. He said what they have when they are home is the best. Jenny said they split everything 50/50. Donnie said they moved in together at her place. He said he lived like a mile away from her. Howard said he has to talk to Beth about this. Howard said it sounds pretty good to him.
Howard asked if they are having sex every night. Jenny said it's hard with a kid in the house but they try. Howard asked if they ever bring another girl into it. Jenny said she thinks about it and she wants to punch any other girl in the face if she comes into the house. Howard asked if Donnie ever had a threesome or anything. Donnie said he may have flown into a seven-some once. He said that he went to a friend's house and he had the girls there. He said he may have jumped in on that. Jenny asked Howard if he has ever had a threesome. Howard said he's busy working.
Howard said their life is too good so he's going to ruin it for them now with Eric. Howard asked if Jenny is doing any outfits or anything. Jenny said she's educating herself on things instead. Jenny said that she has learned that you have to do the work too and you can't rely on your man to do everything. Howard said that she's right. Donnie said that she hasn't dated a lot of guys like people think. Donnie said she has studied porno movies so she can learn to give oral. He said that she's not practicing on a lot of guys. Howard asked if she has ever farted during sex. Jenny said she has not. She said she's very lady like in bed.
Howard gave Donnie and Jenny some plugs for their shows. Jenny is on SiriusXM with her own show and Donnie has Blue Bloods.
Howard said High pitch Eric came in there last week and said his dream was to meet Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said Eric said he wasn't gay for him but as soon as he put on a wig he was blowing and sucking him. Jenny said every picture of Eric doesn't have any girls in it.
Howard said they have to ask Eric these questions. He had Eric come in after that. Eric came in and said that he's a wonderful person. He said he would never attack anyone. He said he's like a Teddy bear. Howard said he's an obese Teddy bear. Howard said if there's anyone he should love it's him for putting him in there. Eric said Howard is a genius for putting him in there.
Howard asked Eric if he were Jenny if he could blow Donnie better than her. Eric said he could. He said he has bigger lips. Howard said Eric says he loves Donnie. He asked why that is. Eric said he had New Kids on the Block albums. He said he watches Blue Bloods every week too. Howard said Eric loves Donnie more than Mark. Eric said it's all about Donnie.
Howard said that they're going to blind fold Donnie and have Jenny blow him and then Eric blow him and he'll have to figure out which one it is. Jenny asked if Eric is gay. Eric said he's not.
Howard had Eric and Donnie pretending to be Jenny and Donnie. Eric was talking to Donnie and saying that he'd like to fuck him all night. Eric wanted to get into a Jacuzzi and have some wine and then fuck. Eric said that he could do whatever he wants to him. He said that he pierced his vagina for him. Donnie said he's not really into that. Eric said that's what females are into. Eric said they should get in the tub until 9:45 and then they'll watch Blue Bloods. After that they'll fuck. Donnie was cracking up laughing as Eric was talking about blowing him and things like that. Jenny said she was going to throw up. Howard said Eric is a better Jenny than Jenny.
Howard asked if Eric could ever be on Blue Bloods. Eric said he loves cops and he would love to do the show. Donnie said that he saw Eric at the urinal. He said he can usually tell if someone is from Howard's show. He didn't know Eric was from Howard's show. He said he looked at him and said ''hi'' in that high voice. He said he handed him the note and he was worried about the DNA and sperm being on it. He said he didn't know he wanted to blow him and jerks off to his show. Jenny asked if he jerks off to girls at all. Eric said he does that too but he jerks off to Donnie and the show.
Donnie said that he believes he's a fan of the show. Howard said he has no idea to what level. Howard asked Eric if he would spit or swallow Donnie's load. Eric said he'd swallow. Donnie said the thing is that he'd like to offer Eric an audition. Howard said they can do that. Howard said they'll do a scene.
Howard said this is to see if he's a good enough actor. Howard said Donnie has to tell him the truth about his acting. Howard said they have a romance scene for him to act out. Eric was playing a woman in the scene with Donnie. Eric and Donnie did their scene together and Eric didn't do half bad according to Jenny. Howard said that was very good.
Howard asked if there is a way for him to get on the show. Donnie said he's not sure he could play his wife on the show. Eric said he could play a detective. Howard said maybe he could play a dead guy. Donnie said that's the hardest part to play. He said they shoot in the cold and they have to lay out with no shirt on. Howard said he has blubber though. Donnie said he can bring him to the set this week and he may be able to play a cop or a detective. He said the people on the show love Howard's show. Eric said he would love that. Jenny said she wants to see an interrogation scene.
Howard asked Eric if he could make love to one of these two, which would it be. Eric said that maybe it could be a threesome. Howard said he's a threesome himself. Howard asked if he would make love to Donnie. Eric said he has a bad back so maybe he could rub his back for him. Jenny laughed and said ''Oh my god!''
Howard had Eric and Donnie do another scene. This one was an interrogation scene. The two of them read their lines and Eric did okay once again. Donnie said he's good. Howard said that's because he sits home all day doing nothing.
Eric said if Eric the Actor can do acting gigs then he can too. Eric said they have a lot of detectives who are overweight.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if that's really Jenny because she's so quiet. She said you know she's in love because she's letting Donnie talk. Mariann said that Eric did great too. Howard hung up on her as she was singing to him.
Howard said he wants to say something to Eric. He said he shouldn't go up to people while they're peeing. He said that's not appropriate. Donnie said Mark Wahlberg may not have been so forgiving. Jenny said that she didn't understand why there were no girls on his timeline. Eric said he doesn't know why that is. Howard said maybe he's gay. Eric said he's not gay. Howard said it seems like he wants Donnie so bad. Howard asked if he knows what gay is. Eric said he knows what it is but he's not gay. Howard said he should tell Donnie what he eats. Eric said that he eats donuts and Twinkies.
Gary said that Eric is so out of shape and he has to swing his right leg up in the air to get out of a chair. Howard said if he lost 100 pounds maybe Jenny could make love to him. Donnie said he doesn't think he can do that. Eric said maybe if he has a blonde wig on. Howard said the thing he doesn't understand is that Eric puts that wig on and he turns gay. He said it seems kind of gay to him. Eric said he is not gay. He said he's just acting like Jenny with the wig on. Robin asked if Eric would blow him as Eric. Eric said no but if he had the wig on he would. Howard said next week he's going to be on the set of Blue Bloods. He said that he's between takes and Donnie asks him to come into his trailer. Howard asked if he had the wig on and he asked him to blow him, will he blow him. Eric said sure because it's an acting scene.
Jenny said she wants to see what happens when Donnie gets closer to Eric. Donnie said he's going to go over there. Donnie asked if he can do the romance scene again with him sitting on his lap. Donnie went right over to him and got next to him. He said his breath is surprisingly fresh. Howard had Eric and Donnie do their scene again. Howard told Eric to fuck the script, he has Donnie on his lap. Eric stayed in character and had a conversation with Donnie as ''Linda.'' Howard jokingly said CBS just canceled Blue Bloods.
Donnie said something is pressing against his leg right now. He said he thinks it's his phone. Donnie said Eric is good. Howard said he's going to be on Blue Bloods. Jenny said he's going to put him on this week. Eric thanked them for that. Eric said that he's invited to his friend Dina's house for Passover. Donnie said he thinks he's going to go home and take a shower.
Howard said that Donnie, Jenny and Eric all got their dream. He said that it's great to see Jenny. Howard asked Jenny if she thinks they'll ask her to come back. Jenny said she thinks that the show may get one more year before the titanic goes down. Donnie said he told her that they were going to ask her to come back and they did. He said she won't say that though. Jenny said one of the producers did call. She said that it does feel good but she wasn't able to be herself on that show. She said she couldn't be happier than being there at Sirius. She said she can be herself there. She said that she's learned a lot from Howard.
Eric asked Donnie where he was when the bombing happened in Boston. Donnie said he was working on Blue Bloods that day. Donnie said that the crew guys were saying that something happened and he should call home. Donnie said that he did that and he heard that Joey McIntyre had just crossed the line about 2 minutes before the bomb went off. He said he had a bet with him that he couldn't do it in under 4 hours and he just did it in a few minutes over.
Howard thanked Jenny and Donnie for coming in. Howard asked when she's going to change her name to Wahlberg. She said she will do that in a couple of weeks to Jenny McCarthy-Wahlberg. Howard thanked everyone for coming in and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that song is like the song he loves. He was singing a song that Robin didn't know. Howard said it's Buzzy Linhart. Robin said she doesn't know that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin told Howard that the Spirit in the Sky guy is in a hospital right now. Robin said he was in an accident and he ended up in a hospital.
Howard said Michelle Obama has been going around doing this cheering on of young women. Howard said she's trying to empower young black women. Howard said she's very admirable. Howard said he thinks she's into a lot of good things. Howard said you don't hear people saying that enough. Howard said on the other hand he wants to talk about this governor of Indiana who passed a law called the freedom of religion law. Howard said it's like going back to the 60s with segregation. Howard said he's so sick and tired of this stuff. He said we're fighting these people who are against all of this stuff and we're doing it here in this country. Robin said they have similar laws in 19 states.
Howard said he was so upset that he can't stay in his hotel in L.A. because the owner is for Sharia law. Howard said Psych wrote a song about that. Howard played the song parody about that. Howard said he can't believe he wrote a song about that. Howard cut it off but Robin wanted to hear more so he replayed the whole thing.
Howard said there are so many scary people out there. He said this guy from Duck Dynasty is a preacher and he's preaching about the gays. Howard said his name is Phil Robertson. Howard said anyone named Robertson seems to be out there. Howard played a clip of the guy talking about gays and how they can get out of it by marrying a woman. Howard asked when duck hunters got a voice. Robin said they make duck calls. Robin said then they think they're smart because they have money. Robin said she's so sad that people are so stupid in this country and don't know it. Robin said they infuriate her. She said we insist on watching dumb people too. She said that can't make us any smarter. Howard said a lot of gay guys used to marry women and still do. Howard said they ruin women's lives.
Howard said there's a kid named Lourawls who plays basketball. Howard said the father's first name is the same. Howard said that they were named after Lou Rawls. Howard said this kid is making it in that and he made it into basketball when people didn't think he could. Howard said he'd love to interview the parents about that naming thing.
Howard said Bob Lefsetz wrote about the appearance of Imagine Dragons and he was turned on to the song ''Shots''. Howard said he liked their acoustic versions of their songs.
Howard said a woman wrote him a passionate letter about how he should stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Howard said he can't do that. He read the letter and this woman works at the hotel. Howard said she's saying that the local hotel worker's union wants to unionize. She says that people are boycotting the hotel but everyone boycotting it is a hypocrite. She said that they also own the Four Seasons and other things. Howard said that he doesn't know if that's the case or not. Howard said this woman says that it only hurts the employees. Howard said he's not going to be the asshole to go there when they're boycotting it over Sharia law. Howard said he loves that hotel so much.
Fred told Howard that the Four Seasons is co-owned by the same Prince. Howard said he may have to stay at Jimmy's house. Howard said he didn't want to put him out though. He said he doesn't like staying at someone's house. Howard said he'll only do that if he doesn't like the hotel.
Howard read more of this woman's letter and she said people like J-Lo and Leonardo DiCaprio still stay there. Howard said no one is getting on J-Lo's big, fat ass. Howard said he loves the hotel. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. Robin said he already made his decision. Howard said this started like a year ago. He said he thought it would be over by the time he had to stay there. Howard said he stayed there last time he was out there. Howard said it started right after the last time he was there.
Richard said he has had so many medical issues. He said they have spent over $5,000 on keeping him alive. He said it was just too much. Richard said they spent $700 on Tuesday to file down his teeth. Richard said he wouldn't eat enough when his teeth were bad. He said on Saturday morning they thought that it might be a bladder stone. He said he was ready to spend thousands on that to keep him alive. Howard asked if they found him alive. Richard said he wasn't moving in the cage and he took him to the animal hospital. He said he started having seizures and he died at the hospital about 5 minutes later.
Richard said that the tooth thing is kind of strange for a guinea pig. He said they're supposed to eat that to keep their teeth filed down. He said Taco didn't like any kind of hay they gave him.
Howard had some audio of Richard singing ''Happy pig'' to Taco. Howard said he feels bad that his guinea pig died but he's glad he won't be singing that shit anymore. Howard said it probably killed him. Richard said Taco loved that. He said he would start purring when he'd sing to him. He said Taco would run to see him when he got home from work. Howard told him to get a cat. Richard said his wife is allergic. He said they have another one named Tico.
Richard said he was the only one that Taco really liked. He said he'd run away from his wife. Richard said they rescued him from a family that was raising him to be eaten. He said he had 3 amazing years with them. Howard had some audio of Taco making some noises that Richard claimed were what he did when he was excited. Howard asked if he's going to get another one. Richard said they're just going to concentrate on Tico. He said that they had to keep them in separate cages. He said that they didn't get along. Richard said he can tell that Tico is really broken up though. He said they may eventually get another one.
Howard said he should adopt Beetlejuice and put him in a guinea pig costume. Howard said he saw a video of Richard playing drums for the band Umphrey's McGee and it was a cover of a Metallica song. Howard said it was really good. Howard said it's on HowardStern.com. Howard said Richard should go back to work and try to get over this Taco thing.
Howard said he's going to play a phony phone call. He asked Richard which one he should play. Richard told him to play one about a guy yelling about his cheating wife. Howard said he played a clip the other day of this guy catching his wife cheating on him and he yells at the guy. Howard played that clip and then said that Richard called a guy in Kansas with that audio. Howard played the prank call where they had the guy yelling and asking the guy in Kansas if he wanted to fuck his wife. They went to break after that
Howard said he blew out a fuse in his kitchen over the weekend and he didn't know how to fix it. Howard said he had some eggplant Parmesan and he put that in the top microwave. He said he has two microwaves. Howard said he was making a baked potato in the other one. Howard said he was watching TV while he was cooking. He said then all of a sudden the TV and two microwaves went dead. Howard said that's not a lot of stuff. Robin said microwaves take a lot of power. Fred said sometimes the GFI will pop. Howard said he didn't know how to fix it. Howard said the eggplant wasn't defrosted. He said he had to start hacking at it. Howard said he doesn't know how to do the oven so he just threw it on the frying pan. Howard said it was good though. He said it tasted like rubber. He said rubber with a potato is good.
Howard said he just wanted to watch The Good Wife. Howard said he thought that he should be able to cook and watch TV at his level. Robin said Howard shouldn't have to unplug anything. Robin said she had a situation where if she turned on a space heater it would blow everything out. Robin said she had to unplug the space heater if she wanted to plug something else in.
Howard said he loves watching The Good Wife on the iPad. Howard said he is almost up to season 5. Howard asked Robin if she saw the finale of The Walking Dead. Robin said she did and now she's glad she can get some sleep. Robin said it was some episode. Howard said he was up at 3 this morning watching it. Robin said they're so good that she watches them twice sometimes. Howard asked if that is the best show on TV. Robin said she thinks it is. Howard said he hasn't watched the new House of Cards on Netflix. He said he's got a life. He said he can watch some of that stuff on the flight to L.A. when he goes out there. Howard said that's as long as he doesn't have a pilot who wants to kill himself like that airline last week. Howard said that guy apparently did that because his girlfriend broke up with him. Howard said it's fine if you want to kill yourself but think about how you're doing it. He said don't jump off a building and land on someone. Howard said this guy had a pretty good life going. Robin said that he could have gotten another girlfriend.
Howard said maybe George Washington would be great to come in and run the Sybian. Howard said a lot of people in Rock and Roll would be on that list. Howard said Jimi Hendrix and guys like that. Jim asked about JFK. Howard said maybe. He asked who really cares though. Howard thanked Jim and moved on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever do a documentary on his Viet Nam experiences. Howard said most of the people who served never talk about their service. Howard said they're making a movie called Hotel Sierra and the reason is that they use those names to spell out H.S. Howard started telling more Viet Nam stories after that. Howard said he was supposed to be watching out for a license plate on a car and he heard the chopping of a machete in the woods. Howard said he ended up killing the 37 guys in the woods. Howard said he'll never forget that. He said that Hotel Sierra is coming soon to a theater near you. Howard spelled ''fuck'' in military speak. He said he knew it all. He said he was a good soldier. He said he kicked those fucker's ass. Howard said he was jealous of the snipers. Howard said he had to go in and do hand to hand. Howard said he put knives through people's heads. Howard said he took out a general doing that. Howard said he killed everyone. Howard said he killed women and children. He said he was so close to the general that he could see the rice in his teeth. Howard said he must have just eaten some Chinese food. Howard said they love that in Viet Nam.
Howard said once they were out doing clean up and this guy attacks him. He said he had just killed a child. He said he cut the kid's leg off and drove the femur through the guy's head. Howard said he's never told this story. He said he's fighting a guy and he shot him. He said they were rolling around on the ground and he shot him in the head. Howard said he picked the rice out of his teeth and ate it. Robin said he was out there too long. Howard said he had to become dehumanized to do all of that. Howard said that's not the worst he ever did either.
The caller asked Howard about juggling for the other guys to keep them entertained. Howard said he did that. He said he also killed one of the machete guys and he cut open the guy's stomach and ate the General Tso's chicken out of his belly. Howard said he must have just eaten it less than an hour before. Howard said he knew if he ate it he wouldn't be as angry.
Howard said his movie will be out in January. Howard said that Jeff Goldblum plays him in the movie. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said that's what he told the producers. He said after he ate that Chinese food he was hungry 20 minutes later. He said that it's true what they say about Chinese food.
Howard said he's proud of his service but a lot of the soldiers he was with are gone. Howard said he was out on patrol with this one guy. He said they opened up this guy's stomach once and ate out of there. He said this guy was a vegan and he only ate the vegetables. He said they shared the noodles though. Howard said he doesn't want to go on and on with this. He said guys like him don't like to talk about that stuff.
Howard said that they did some crazy shit back in Nam. Howard said they didn't even call it Viet Nam. He said they were in country so they said Nam. Howard said that he made a jacket out of dead Viet Cong. Howard said you'll see that in the movie. Howard said they finished principal photography a year ago.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he thinks when Dave walks away from Late Night will he go into obscurity or do other shows. Robin said they talked about this last week. Howard said that's right. Howard said he doesn't know what Dave will do. They played a Bobo is the Worst Caller in the world song. Bobo said he had more to ask. Howard said he's not letterman. He said he really has to go. Bobo asked if Howard would do Dave's last show if Jay Leno was also booked on the show. Howard said he would do the show as long as he doesn't have to do it with Jay. They played Bobo out with another song parody. They went to break after that.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. He played her in with a song parody. Howard said that they have some guests coming soon like Louis C.K., Sophia Vergara, Robert Downey Jr. and James Taylor. Howard said he actually spoke to James on the phone this weekend. Howard said he was pretty pumped about that. Howard said that he was going to call Robin and tell her how powerful he is. Howard said he loves James Taylor.
Howard asked Robin what she had in the news. Robin started the news with a story about a study that was done that found that republicans think that Obama is more of a threat to this country than Putin is. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Robin read a story about a couple that followed their GPS and drove off a closed bridge. Robin said the husband survived but the wife was killed. Robin said the bridge had been closed since 2009.
Howard said he has had a boner for an hour now. Howard said he had sex over the weekend and he has a boner now. Robin said that's a result of circulation. Robin said as long as it's good then you can have one. Robin said it's about his health and his lifestyle. Robin said he's healthy and he has a good lifestyle. Howard told her to come look at it. Then he took that back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he stole his mom's credit card just to get Sirius. He said he was illegally downloading his episodes and he can't retire now. Howard said Chet Haze says that young people aren't listening. The guy said he was 24. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go after that.
Robin read a story about Ted Kennedy being honored in Boston with a special dedication. Howard said that guy did pretty well for someone who killed a woman in a drowning. Howard said that whole family did pretty well with the women.
Robin read about how Bill Cosby was heckled at a performance over the weekend. Robin had a clip of Cosby announcing he was going to Baltimore. Howard said that guy is psycho. Robin said Chelsea Handler came out this weekend saying that she almost go the Cosby treatment. Robin said she was a young comedian at the time and she got a note from him asking her to come to his hotel room. She brought two friends with her though. Howard said the guy has so much money and he should just lay low. Howard said he insists on putting himself out there. Robin had some audio of Cosby being heckled at his Baltimore appearance. Robin said Cosby fans were quick to shout back at the heckler. Robin said Cosby asked everyone to remain calm and they were there to ''...enjoy my gift.'' Howard said Wolfie was there so they'll have some audio of that tomorrow.
Howard said if he's innocent he feels bad for him but if he's not then you have to feel weird as a fan. Howard said the whole thing is wacky. Howard said maybe they should go just to see it. Gary told Howard that Wolfie told him that most of the people who go to see him think the women are out for money and they waited too long to come out. Howard said people are weird. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Trevor Noah who is a comedian who made his debut on the Daily Show and he's going to be replacing Jon Stewart when he retires. Robin had some audio of Trevor on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people what they thought of Howard Stern taking over for Jon Stewart. They had some positive responses from a bunch of people. Howard said a lot of people were excited for him.
Howard said they went out and asked people what they thought about Mayor DeBlasio delaying spring. Howard played some of the answers they got from people. One guy said that might help people out.
Robin had Howard play The Walking Dead theme song. Howard said he was up at 3 this morning watching the Finale. Howard said he was up to pee and he wasn't able to sleep knowing that Walking Dead episode was there. Robin said it was 90 minutes too. Howard said it was really good. He said he likes that they cut between story lines quick. Robin said she loves that too. Robin read about last night's show and said she didn't have any spoilers. Robin said there is going to be a spin off of the show. Robin said the show premieres this summer. It's called Fear The Walking Dead. Howard said he didn't know about that. Howard wondered why the military didn't come in and wipe them out. Robin said the military was wiped out before they knew what was going on.
Robin read a story about the I Heart Radio awards. Howard said he doesn't know what that is. Howard said they think that's just a new name for Clear Channel. Howard said he wonders when that happened. Robin said she has no idea. Howard said they named the company I Heart Radio. Howard said it's weird. Howard said that's a weird name. Robin said it's the heart symbol. Howard said it's like that I Heart Huckabees. Howard said it's a bad name for a movie and a bad name for radio. Howard said he saw they had the award show on. He said it just came out of nowhere. Robin said Jamie Foxx was the host. Howard said they should start a company named I Hate Radio. Robin had some audio of Jamie talking about Bruce Jenner doing a his and her duet all by himself. Robin had a couple of other clips of Foxx joking and singing a song at the show. Robin had some other clips from some of the winners and performers there.
Howard and Robin were talking about the Madonna album and how Howard liked it. He said that Bob Lefsetz thought he had to listen to it because Madonna was on the show. Howard said he really liked it. Robin asked if Howard liked the movie Interstellar because she hasn't heard him say a thing about it. Howard said he hated that movie. Robin said the movie ''It Follows'' is really good. Howard said he has a copy but he's not sure if he should watch it. Robin said that it's really scary. She said he may not want to watch it.
Richard Christy came in and said he's seen thousands of horror movies and ''It Follows'' really creeped him out. He started to tell Howard what it was about. Robin said it basically explains it self. Richard said the movie is really creepy. Robin said she didn't want to give away too much. She made it sound interesting though. Richard said it's really cool. He said he wants to see it again. Howard asked if it's going to freak him out. Robin said it may. Howard said he can't watch it then. Howard said he saw that Exorcist movie and he wanted to hang himself. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more of the I Heart Radio awards audio clips. She had some of Taylor Swift accepting her award. Howard wondered if she's as hot as he thinks she is. Fred didn't think so. He said she's too waif like for him. Howard asked for Benjy's opinion and Benjy gave too long an answer to Howard told him to stop. He said he asked a simple question. Gary said he thinks she's hot. He said she's not sexy but she has a pretty face and a pretty hot body. Howard said there's something dissatisfying about these guys. Howard said he has to hang out with some real men. Fred said that he's thinking that she's too close to his daughter's age and she looks too much like that. Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said he's not into her that much. Gary said JD likes big butts and big tits. Howard said he ran out of guys to talk to.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about the nuclear arms deal with Iran and what's going on with that. Howard took a call from a guy who said he would bang Taylor Swift. He said that she got implants and she looks really hot. Howard said he didn't hear about her getting implants. Gary said he's looking for any mention of it and there's nothing. The caller said it's obvious she got something done. Howard thanked him and let him go. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the republican primaries and how they're going to be packed for 2016. Robin had some audio of John Boehner talking about his first race for congress.
Robin read a story about the former chief of military intelligence thinking that Obama is ignorant about what's going on in the middle east. Robin had audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about Mike Huckabee thinking that his chances are good to run for President. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about Mad Men rolling out their last season. Robin said that John Hamm had to give up a role in Gone Girl because of that show. Robin said he missed out on that because of the show. Robin said he's wondering what his life will be like now that the show is over. Robin said that James Brolin was once considered to play James Bond but Roger Moore came back. Robin said Tom Selleck and Kurt Russell were considered for Han Solo in Star Wars. Robin said Tom Selleck wasn't able to get out of Magnum PI to play Indiana Jones. Howard said that would make him crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Taylor Swift isn't that hot but he'd fuck her. He said she's too skinny. Howard said he must be in the minority. Howard said she looks just about right to him.
Robin said the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber is on tonight. Robin had some audio of Justin Bieber talking about how he'd like to put some of the stuff in his life in the past. Howard said he saw it and it's really funny. He said Shaq was really funny. He said Jeff Ross was funny as usual. Robin said that's on tonight on Comedy Central.
Robin said Saturday Night Live was really good this weekend. She said The Rock hosted it. Robin said that Kate McKinnon did Robert Durst this weekend and she was spot on. Howard said he has to check that out.
Robin read about how Willie Nelson is thinking about getting his own line of pot. Robin said that it's not easy to set up a chain operation so it's not clear if he'll be able to do it.
Robin said Led Zeppelin has a new film out called Led Zeppelin. Robin said they have performances strung together in chronological order.
Robin said Destiny's Child got back together for a concert. Robin had some audio of one of their songs. Howard said he never got into that. Howard said he missed that whole thing.
Robin read about how scientists are experimenting with brain cancer treatments using the polio virus. Robin had some audio from a woman who is being treated. Howard said that's weird. Robin said they have two survivors who are cancer free now. Howard said he would never think to try polio to eat up cancer. Robin said they have found that some bacteria are good at fighting cancer.
Robin read a story about the Germanic Air crash. Robin said the co-pilot locked the captain out and crashed the plane on purpose. Howard said if you're depressed and want to kill yourself, just kill yourself. He said he killed all of those other people. He said terrorists have taught everyone to kill other people.
Howard took a call from a fake Taylor Swift who said that she wouldn't fuck anyone on the staff there. She said Fred has bigger boobs thank her. She said she wouldn't fuck JD either. She said that JD needs to look in the mirror. JD said ''Okay! Thank you.'' Howard said she has the right to comment after hearing his comments. Howard thanked Taylor for the call. She said she would go down on Jon Hein's vagina too.
Robin read more about the German Wings crash and had Captain Sully Sullenberger commenting on it. Howard said the thing about that story is that the co-pilot's doctor told him that he wasn't fit to fly and he didn't tell his superiors. He just told the patient.
Robin read about how Halo 5 is coming out this October. Robin had some audio from a commercial for the game. Robin said two trailers were released during The Walking Dead last night. Howard said he wished he had that game when he was growing up. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said he thought Eric did a good job with those reads today. He said he liked that Donnie went over and sat on Eric's lap and improvised with him too.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave his condolences to Richard and his wife over their guinea pig. He said they're for real with their love of their guinea pigs too. The caller said he thought they dropped the ball with Eric today. He said that they should have said that Eric had to lose 30-40 pounds to let him get on that show. Jon said that Donnie was so excited about having him on that he just wanted to make it happen. He said that he thinks Howard may have done something like that if he had the chance. Jon asked if the caller thinks he would lose the weight. The caller said he's not sure but he doesn't think so. Jon said he doesn't think so either. Jon said he does want to see him on Blue Bloods though. Jon said he had to take a break after that.
Jon said he was educated by Howard then. Adam said that it's quite a bit too. He said he wanted to do a Cockyoke thing like Sal and Richard did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Eric got off kind of easy today. He said he should have used that to get Eric on a diet today. Jon said that's what a caller asked earlier. Jon said he doesn't think Eric is going to lose that weight. Jon said Adam went through something similar. He asked if there is anything Eric can do. Adam said Eric has to get to that point where he needs to lose it. Adam said he remembers looking awful in a show he did and he asked them not to shoot him from the side or from behind. He said he read something online that changed his life. He said it said that you have to give it 12 weeks for everyone to notice your weight loss. He said he decided to do that and people were noticing. He said Eric has to get to that point. He said Howard talks about his discipline. He said it's just a matter of having that discipline. Jon said many of them struggle with it on the show. He said that they like to eat. He said Howard takes it to a whole other extreme.
Adam said that Howard has this art thing going on now too. He said that he has a wife who relies on having discipline too. Adam said just stoking your metabolism helps too. He said exercise only accounts for 25 percent of your weight loss and the rest is something small to eat and watching what you eat.
Adam said that he thinks if Eric did something he'd see results in 3 weeks. Adam said he has to pick and chose his spots but sometimes a good Chicken Parm is good.
Jon gave Adam some plugs and mentioned his new book ''Straight Up Tasty: Meals, Memories, and Mouthfuls from My Travels''. Adam told Jon what the book is and about how he wrote it.
Jon said that Gary is a big chocoholic. Adam said he didn't know that. He said that he remembers seeing Gary getting his teeth done on some special they ran. He said he's shocked that he's still into chocolate after that. Jon said he is.
Jon said that JD has a weight problem and he wonders how he can change that. Adam said there are many ways to do something. He gave some suggestions. Adam said a lot of the foods theater the most fun to eat are not the most dietetic. He said he knows what it's like. He said that he lost his dad and the things you do now matter 10 years down the road. He said he lost his dad when his dad was just 53.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard said he's either going to do one or the other, the radio show or AGT. Jon said that Howard is in AGT hell week right now. He said he's doing shows that he doesn't want to do. He said he's cranky about that. Jon said he hopes he chooses to do the radio show over AGT. He said that it's funny as a fan to hear that. He said that you feel for Howard because he's been working so hard so long. He said he takes his vacation to go work on another show. Adam said a show called Food Fighters comes on before AGT and he started to get into that. Adam said Howard is really good on AGT too. He said he loves that Howard takes the unpopular stance and tells the contestants how he's feeling. Jon said that it's great when Howard is judging and he enjoys that but it's all of the other stuff that drives him nuts. They went to break after that.
Jon said in all relationships you have that time when you're following each other into the bathroom and all of that. Jon said it eventually fades away and changes. Jon said that after years you may not need to be near them. Jon asked what changes. Adam said he's a single, childless man so he's asking the wrong guy. He said that familiarity may breed contempt. Adam said that maybe they've done everything in the bedroom and all of that. Adam said he did a play with Viola Davis and she said when they fart in front of each other they start to sing ''The Thrill is Gone.''
Gary said that he went to a hotel once and they had a bathroom on thier floor and it made for a better vacation because he wasn't going to the bathroom in the hotel room bathroom. He said his wife will yell at him in his own house. Adam said that he has some Poo-Pourri that works. Gary said that he has some of that. Gary said it's not just the smell though. He said his wife gets mad about the sounds.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was online the other day watching some videos of the first time High Pitch was on the show. He said he seemed kind of normal. He had the weird voice but he seemed normal. Jon said he thinks he's wondering how he turned into the guy they know today. Gary said they didn't know him very well back then. Gary said he thinks he has learned how the system works. Gary said Eric may have figured out that he can work or not work and get pay that's not so bad.
Jon said that Eric had Donnie sitting on his lap and he had a look in his eyes. Gary said it was a look similar to what George Takei had during the penis contest. Gary said Eric had a big smile on his face when they asked him about blowing Donnie. He said Eric really does love Donnie. Gary said Donnie was a trooper too. He said he played into it and Eric was in his glory today.
Adam said Big Foot was on with his beloved and he was talking about his transsexual fiancee. He said he never expected to see that kind of thing. Gary said if Beetle ever got a wife that would be something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Robin is treating Richard like he has pets that are vermin. He said she seems like she's being a real bitch about it. He asked what they think about that. Gary said he feels very bad for Richard. Gary said that in some cultures his pet is vermin. He said Robin may not take it serious as a pet. Adam said he had a pet guinea pig. He said that in Peru they eat them. He said that it's not a typical pet. He said that he spent like $700 on its teeth alone. Gary said it's a very non-traditional pet. Adam said that you do develop a relationship with a pet. Gary said he knows that. He said he understands that.
Jon said that we all feel that way about our pets. He said that Robin and Howard had some empathy in thier voices. Jon said when you hear Richard cry you can't help but laugh. Gary said he wasn't laughing at the death of the guinea pig. He said he's laughing at what Richard has cried over in the past like Cotton dying on King of the Hill and things like that.
Jon had Rahsaan come in with the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that Eric is now High Pitch Eric the Poser because he had 63 percent of the votes saying he's a poser. The guys spent a minute talking about Eric. Gary said that he's going to be the go-between with Eric and Donnie. Gary said he told Eric not to get crazy because he might be just an extra in the show.
Jon wrapped up the show and got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and some plugs for Adam's show ''Man Finds Food'' which is on April 1 at 9pm on the Travel Channel. They ended the show around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about a guest they have calling in today. He said she's one of the people who wants to go to Mars and she was chosen to go. Howard said he was on her web site reading about her last night. He said he had a lot of fun on it. Howard said she must be a nudnik. He said she's married and her husband seems kind of anxious for her to go. Howard said she's a legitimate medical doctor.
Howard asked if Robin wanted to play a Big Foot game. Robin said sure. Howard said he was already playing it. Howard said there's a new judge on Dancing with the Stars. He said Julianne Hough knows how to dress. He said she's hot. Howard said he has tried to explain this to the judges on AGT. He said if you wear a mini skirt no one can see it. Howard said Julianne wears hot tops. Howard said that's what people tune in for. Robin said Howard has this imagination that everything he thinks is hot is what everyone thinks is hot. Howard said it is.
Howard said there's a guy who wrote in and said that the guys on the staff are assholes about Taylor Swift. Howard said she's really hot and she's playing the game perfectly. Howard said that's what this guy was talking about. Fred said she's very talented. Howard said Fred is not a man. Fred said he has a bigger one than Howard. Howard said he did beat him by a half inch or something.
Howard found the email he was talking about. He had to go through his email first. He said Jonathan Brandmeyer got his own national show. He took over for Dennis Miller. Howard found the email he had from this other person about the Taylor Swift thing. Howard read that and Fred was arguing about how it's not sexy to men what Taylor is doing. Howard said she still says she's hot. Howard said this is a ridiculous argument. Howard said Julianne Hough knows how to dress on Dancing with the Stars too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is right about Taylor Swift. He said they might have vision issues. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said he has the game now. He said he's going to play a song and they're going to guess if Big Foot can get the next word in the song. Howard played a song where the lyric was ''part time lover'' and he had to guess ''lover.'' Big Foot answered ''Employee.''
Howard played another song and Howard didn't know the song. Fred didn't either. Robin knew it was ''Sentimental reasons''. Howard said he hopes he gets it right. Big Foot did get it. Howard was shocked he got that. Howard played another one where the lyric was ''How deep is your...'' and Big Foot had to answer ''love'' but he said ''how deep is my cock.''
Howard played another song where the lyric was ''crazy little thing called love'' and Big Foot said something about ''Crazy little thing we have for lust'' or something like that.
Howard played another one where he had to guess ''Reunited and it feels so good.'' He got that one. Howard played another one where the lyrics were ''Loving you is easy because you're beautiful.'' Big Foot said ''Hot as shit'' for ''you're beautiful.''
Howard played another one where ''Lady in red is... dancing with me cheek to cheek.'' Big Foot's answer was ''...makes me cum all over.''
Howard said maybe Big Foot is a fan of Red Peters or something. That led to Gary telling Howard that Red Peters did a song with Todd Rundgren that's up for some award. Howard told him to put it up on the web site and help him out with the voting.
Howard played another song and Big Foot's answer to a song was ''I'm in love with you Danielle Johnson.'' Howard said Big Foot and Danielle broke up. He said they still live together but they're not having sex. Howard played a clip of Jon Leiberman talking to Danielle about what's going on with them. Danielle said that the wedding is a no-go. Danielle said they don't see eye to eye on some things. She said she's not over her ex. She said she's not into the sex and stuff either. Howard wondered how things went sour so quickly. Danielle is still living with Big Foot. Howard said he had plans to do a big wedding for them. Howard said they called Elton John to do the wedding.
Howard played more of Danielle talking about the break up. Howard had some of Big Foot's side of the story. Big Foot said they don't see eye to eye but he doesn't know what it's all about. Big Foot said they figured it was going to be a bad idea. He said it might be about money. Howard said that if they get married they cut their checks. Howard said it has to be hard to be married if the woman in the marriage has a cock. Howard said that would be tough for him. Howard said the most normal thing is that they argue about money.
Howard played a song that Danielle and Big Foot sang together. Big Foot was mumbling most of the lyrics to ''Let Love Keep Us Together.'' Howard said they were a good couple. Robin said she was looking forward to the wedding. Howard played clip of the two of them talking about how they met and it had ''Memories'' playing behind them.
Robin wondered how it went bad so quickly. Howard said she was his ''it'' to ''it is.'' Howard played another song the two of them performed together while they were up there. Howard said it's sweet. Robin said she's crying. Howard played another love song the two of them performed. Howard said this is going to lead to the grossest make up sex in history. Howard said they are still living together though. Howard said he has that swinging' pad up there. Howard said they all want to be in there. Howard said even Gary the Conqueror wasn't able to get rid of someone from his apartment.
Robin asked if they were done with the Big Foot game. Howard said he has one more. He played a song with the lyrics ''Nothing I can do a total eclipse of the...'' and Big Foot said ''Stars.''
Big Foot answered ''You are the wings on my breem'' for ''Wind beneath my wings.'' He did get another song that Howard played after that. The guys were shocked he was able to get that one.
Howard said he heard that the guitar player in the band died. Howard said that's what he heard. Gary said that's true. Howard played one of the songs they performed in the studio. They covered David Bowie's ''The Jean Genie''.
Howard said the name of the new album is Blaster. They went to break after Howard played the song.
Howard came back and said he has Dr. Leila Zucker on the phone. He said she's one of 100 picked to go to Mars. Howard said she would be one of the first four to go. Howard said he was on her web site last night checking that out. He said that this is a suicide mission. Leila said she knows that.
Howard said here's how it works. He said they're going to find people to go to Mars. Howard said they're going to go there to build an environment there. Howard said they will have cargo missions and things like that. Howard said they'll get on this rocket and fly there. Leila said there is ice there said there will be oxygen. She said you can break down water into Hydrogen and Oxygen. She said that's what they'll be able to do.
Howard asked what is wrong with living on Earth. Leila said nothing but we have to be a multi planet civilization to survive. She said even Stephen Hawking says that. Howard said this is a suicide mission though. He asked why she would want to do that. He said she's married. Leila said that she and her husband will still be able to email. She said her husband would go if he could. Leila said she would sit around with her friends talking about doing things like this and her answer was always yes.
Howard said he wants to understand something. Howard asked how soon after she goes to Mars when would her husband start dating. She said he's already dating. Howard asked if they have an open marriage. Leila said they do. She said she dates on occasion too. Robin asked if they're sending couples there. Leila said they are not. She said they're not sure what would happen if they procreated on Mars.
Howard asked who is funding this. Leila said that it's a private company. Howard said there were 200,000 people who applied and Leila is one of the final 100. Now they have to pick a team of 4. Leila said that they have to pick the right team. She said it can't be jut the right individuals. Howard said she's a medical doctor so she must stand a chance. She said she hopes so. Howard said she must work good in a team if she's a doctor. Leila said she would hope so.
Howard asked if she is afraid she'll be too old to go by the time this all happens. She said she's not too old now. She said that the first mission is slated for 2020 and the cargo missions would start 2-4 years after that. Robin said she thinks they'd be out of the age range. Leila said that if they launch in 10 years she'll be younger than some of the people on the ISS are. Leila said it is an interesting question. She said you wonder how old you want the team to be. She said that older people are less sensitive to radiation. She said she could age out at some point but maybe not in 15 years. Howard said this is all a pipe dream at this point anyway.
Howard said he's fascinated with Leila. He said the open dating thing is interesting. Leila said they have a perfect house and a perfect job. Howard asked about who she has banged other than her husband. She said she met a guy gaming. She said that she likes to play tabletop games. Howard asked what games she likes to play. She said she likes Exploding Kittens. Howard said he doesn't know that one. Howard said she's blowing his mind. Howard asked if she would bring a vibrator with her. She said she would of course. She said she'd bring a deck of cards and the game ''Loony Pyramids'' if she had to pick.
Robin asked how long the trip would take. Leila said it would be 7 months. Howard said that's not so bad. Robin said Howard can't even get across the country.
Howard said that Leila says she has an extensive Lego collection. Howard asked what that is. Leila told Howard about her big collection she's had since a child. Howard said he can't imagine being trapped on a planet with her. Leila said he's actually there on the planet with her already.
Leila said that even if Mars 1 never launches it's already a success. She said that it has everyone talking about it. She said that NASA has been sitting on its ass not doing anything to get people to another planet. Howard said it's kind of wild. He said that he and Robin won't be around to see it. Leila said she thinks they will see it. She said Buzz Aldrin is saying ''Get your ass to mars'' these days.
Howard asked when they're going to know about the final 4. Leila said this summer they will pick 24 people in six teams of 4. She said they'll pick the final 4 at the end. She said that they will let the final 4 be picked by the public. She said if they're not happy with the final 4 then they will change it to make sure everyone is safe.
Howard said Leila sounds like fun in a weird way. Howard asked who is paying for this rocket. Leila said it's private investors right now. She said it depends on how things go. She said that if they get a show that's syndicated then maybe the money will come in.
Howard said that Dr. Leila Zucker is a real MD and she's a swinger too. Howard asked if she had a hard time from the hospital she works in when they found out about this. She said not at all. She said they were all asking if she was really going to go.
Howard asked Leila if she has ever had to pull weird stuff out of people's asses. She said she has. She said the weirdest one was a Transformer toy. Howard asked if it's mostly gay men. She said she never asked. She said she just treats the patients. She said this is just work for her. Howard said he's read about this stuff. He said people don't admit to what's in there. He said they end up doing an X-ray to find out what's in there. Howard asked if they give the thing back to the person. She said if they want it they do. Howard said it must be covered in weird stuff. Leila said that's what plastic bags are for. Howard asked if they have to lecture these people about that. She said they do. Howard asked if they say they will never do it again. Leila said they do. Howard asked how big the Transformer was. Leila said she doesn't know because she had never seen one up close before. Howard asked how they get that in there. Robin asked how they get it out.
Howard said being a doctor must be a big thing to get her into the trip. Leila said that there are a few in the finals. Howard asked her to let them know when the voting is going on and they'll try to help her out. Howard said if she ever wants to swing she can come there to find a date. She said it's Howard or no one. Howard said he'll do her. Howard let Leila go. She said ''Live long and prosper'' as she was going.
Howard asked how he can get Benjy on that trip. He said that would be wacky. Howard said he won't be there tomorrow because he's going to L.A. to work on America's Got Talent. Howard said there's too much bullshit going on. He said he likes judging but the other bullshit bothers him. He said there are worse jobs out there though. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that there will never be peace in the world. Howard said that the Smashing Pumpkins and Marilyn Manson are going out on tour this summer starting in July. Howard said it's the End Times tour. Howard said tickets go on sale on April 3. Howard said he thinks this will be a very hot ticket.
Howard said he was telling Gary a story during the break and he meant to tell him they were about 50 clicks up river at the time. Howard said he won't get into the rest of that now. Robin said she saw a vet chasing a guy who was pretending to be a vet up the street. Howard said they call that ''stolen valor.'' Robin asked Howard if he agrees with that guy. Howard said yes. Robin said the guy was wearing camouflage pants and begging and the military man realized he had an ROTC insignia on the pants so he had never been anywhere. Howard said there's a web site devoted to doing that. Howard said they bust people for that stolen valor thing.
Howard said he has had to go after some people himself. He said he was telling Gary this story during the break and he won't get into it. He said Gary was wondering about the debriefing process. Howard said one time it took 3 days to debrief. Howard said he just killed a shitload of Viet Cong and they were busting his balls. Howard said he was always a rebel. Howard said he has war stories and some of them are about the debriefing.
Howard said people ask him questions about killing children and he just says that they were mixed in with the adults. Howard said he'd like to see them go out there and face the enemy. Howard said he can't tell who is in a school house. Robin said it could be a midget. Howard said a lot of the Viet Cong were midgets. Howard said he doesn't want to get into this.
Howard said he got some email and someone wrote in about Benjy's answer about Taylor Swift yesterday. Howard said Benjy said something about taking a stand against evaluating women. Howard read the email and the person told him to stop asking Benjy questions.
Howard said they got some email about JD's comments about Taylor Swift. There were people saying that anyone who is into Taylor Swift is into boys who have bodies like her.
Howard said a lot of email was generated over the High Pitch Eric, Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy segment. Howard read some of those emails about Donnie having Eric sitting on his lap and things like that. Howard read about how cool some people thought Donnie was yesterday. Howard said he was a great guy.
Howard read more email about Eric and how good he was in the audition for Blue Bloods. Someone suggested he play a beached whale in the show.
Howard said he got some email about his Viet Nam stories. Howard said a former soldier sent an email and he was impressed with his phonetic alphabet yesterday. Howard said that someone said they have to get Hotel Sierra out quickly so they can take advantage of the holiday season.
Howard said they should get some money together and do a movie about the Viet Nam era. Howard said that would be good. Robin said she thinks it would be a hit. Howard said that he could do a scene where he splits open a Viet Cong and eats. Howard said he would shoot that and put it on his web site and charge 5 bucks. Howard said he thinks people would pay for that. Howard said he could get Sylvester Stallone to play his buddy. Robin asked him to please not do that. Howard said he could get Bradley Cooper to play a sniper and George Takei would come in as Sulu. Howard said he could playa Viet Cong even though he's Japanese. Howard said that would be cool.
Howard said he got some praise for remembering Mary Jo Kopechne yesterday. Howard said he did that when he was talking about the Kennedy's. Howard said he thinks that library for Ted Kennedy should be in the shape of a bridge.
Howard said he could get Chris Rock to be in this movie he's talking about. He said Jimmy Kimmel could be a sergeant in it too. He said maybe he can play LBJ. Howard said maybe Bryan Cranston will play him in that since he played him on Broadway.
Howard read some mail he got about Richard's guinea pig dying. Someone had some suggestions for what they could have fed Taco. Howard said Richard's dad left Richard a message about Taco dying. Howard played that and it was a very quick one.
The caller said that Howard has these regular callers like Bobo and they seem to just do it to get on the air. He said they don't really have a question. He said when Bobo calls in he's calling from ''Winter Springs'' which is the dumbest name in the country. He said he could have moved anywhere but he chose Winter Springs. Howard had Bobo on the phone and Bobo said it's in the top 97 places to live in the country so this guy is an asshole. He said people dream of living there. Howard played a ''Worst caller in the history'' clip for Bobo.
Howard asked the other caller, John, to evaluate Bobo's call. Bobo said he's been doing this for 30 years now. Bobo said he has well thought out questions that he hits out of the park. He said it's unheard of. John said his question was relevant and Bobo's aren't. Bobo said he had a good one a few weeks ago about Fred. Bobo said this guy is just jealous. He said he calls in with one good question and he thinks he knows everything. Bobo told him not to rain on his parade. Robin asked Bobo if he calls in just for air time. Bobo said he doesn't. He said he does like being on the air though. He said he thinks of some well thought out questions though.
Howard asked Bobo what his question was. Bobo said he asked Howard about continuing the show without Fred but what about Gary. He asked if he could do the show without Gary. Howard asked John if he thinks he really cares about it. John said that's like a default question. John said they all know Howard's answer. He said it's yes. John said Bobo just calls in to get air time. Bobo said he's wrong. John said it has nothing to do with a question he cares about. John said that's why he's the worst caller of all time.
John said that he thinks the best questions are coming from random callers these days. Bobo asked what he does for a living. Bobo said that he's achieved more than most people have. Bobo said he has received awards and he could never match him. Bobo said he retired at 57 years old and he's living in Florida and he deserves some credit too. Bobo said he's not stupid. John said he is stupid and asked what his IQ was. Bobo said he's the best at what he does. He said he's going to continue doing what he was doing up there down in Florida.
Howard said kids used to put stuff in Bobo's toupee. Bobo said they would do that. He said in the classroom he's the best. Howard asked why he's going back to work. Bobo said he can't stop teaching. He said he wants to do it a few days a month. Howard said Bobo has an 87 IQ. Bobo said he did a lot with that IQ.
Howard said he's going to let them both go now. Fred said that Bobo is dull/normal intelligence. He said that he was a teacher and they say that is possible with an IQ that low. Howard said Bobo seems a lot smarter than High Pitch Eric. Bobo said he was high 80s. He said Sal had like a 90. Howard asked why High Pitch is dull and Bobo is dull. Fred said he's ''dull/normal.'' Howard said Eric is Dull Feeble, that's right. Sal said he was a 102, not 90. He said he's nowhere near this moron. Howard said he loves that they're arguing over a couple of points.
Howard said it is true that Sal had a 102 and Bobo had an 87. Sal asked him not to lump him in with that shit bag. Howard let the callers go and played a clip of Eric Andre goofing on Bobo in the back office there.
Howard said that's a very funny call. Howard said Bobo called in the other day and left a message about Hanzi. Howard said they're having some kind of feud now. Howard played a clip of Bobo's Voicemail where Bobo was complaining about Hanzi being a blood sucking leach douche bag. Bobo said he just sits in his parents basement and it's getting old. Bobo went off on Hanzi about disrespecting Mariann from Brooklyn too.
Howard said then Hanzi leaves voicemails too. Howard said Hanzi thinks that he's fucking with him. Howard played a clip of Hanzi saying that they set him up with Mariann. He was saying that they ruin people's lives and Howard doesn't do anything but he knows every awful thing that Howard does. He said Howard hangs up on him when he makes a valid point. Then he sends his trolls after him.
Howard said Hanzi never takes any responsibility for anything he does. He blamed Howard for calling Mariann names. Howard said then Hanzi calls back and complains that he gave tickets to Jeff the Drunk WWE tickets. Howard said he never did that. Howard played a clip of Hanzi saying that they don't have to pretend that they like him. He said he knows they hate him and want to make his life miserable.
Gary came in and said that Jeff the Drunk must have a sense of humor because he tweeted out a picture saying ''Thanks to Howard for sending me to Wrestlemania.'' That set Hanzi off.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was upset with Hanzi over him saying that she doesn't pay for her subscriptions. Mariann said that Hanzi deleted his Twitter account. She said that he's gone. Mariann said that she thinks it's time for Robin to have sex again. Howard said he was just told that Hanzi's Twitter is back up and he's been tweeting all morning.
Howard said that he told Ralph to cut the labels out of his shirts and he's being scratched right now. Howard said he doesn't have to work a lot of hours. Howard said he told Ralph to put a tag on his suitcase too. He said he didn't do that work either. Howard said he told Ralph to just cut the tags out of the shirts and he didn't do it. Howard said Ralph puts it off until it's too late. Howard said he could be there right now cutting out the labels.
Howard asked the guys for some scissors. Howard said now he's going to ruin the shirt. Howard said he pays a fortune for those shirts. The caller said he's out in California and it's like 90 degrees out there. Howard cut the label off and said he's sure he ruined the shirt. Gary said that they've done it that so many times that they figured out which scissor were the best for that job. Howard said if Ralph had to have areal job he'd be fucked. Howard played the Mike Morse ''Ralphie Cakes'' song about Ralph after that.
Howard said Ralph could show up on a Tuesday and cut the labels out. Howard said he's busy going to movie premieres on his name. Howard said he has no initiative. Howard said he should put free tickets in his labels so he has to cut them out. Howard said Ralph is going to L.A. with him too. Howard said his whole job is to just look him over. Howard said he could stay home a day and cut the labels out.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he has a friend out in California who went to Wrestlemania and he had him send some pictures. He said he sent one to Hanzi just to freak him out when he told him that Howard sent him out there. Howard said he's like Jeff the Joke Man. Howard played him off with a theme song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to be seeing anyone out in California when he's out there. Howard said he's going to be so busy he may not be able to. He said he'd like to see Jimmy and Molly. He said that may not happen. He said his daughter is out there too so she may come by to visit. Howard said he's booked for the whole time he's out there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that AGT is a modern version of Vaudeville. He said they have the added thing of the judging part but the road show is exactly like that. Howard said he says that on the show sometimes. He said that's what he loves about that show. Howard said it is modern day Vaudeville.
The caller asked Robin what kind of cancer she had. Robin said it was clear cell carcinoma and it was a subset of ovarian cancer. Howard said it's a miracle that she's there. Howard said he had her in the ground. The caller said he's been living with cancer for about 15 years now. He said he had spindle cell sarcoma in his groin area. He said the shit came back after he had it removed. He said they had to do radical surgery. He said in 2002 they had to take out his colon, bladder, prostate... Robin said there's nothing left. Howard asked if he has a colostomy. The caller said he does. Howard said he has a Urostomy too. Howard said that's rough. The caller said it's crazy.
The caller said he was clear for 10 years. He said that he's had scans done the past 10 years. He said it ended up coming back in his fucking lungs. He said that's what he's battling now. He said they found a regimen that has stopped it so it's not advancing. He said they found it after he had a chronic cough. He said that it's kind of like what Gary has. Howard said Gary should get that checked. The caller said they gave him an X-ray and they asked when he called his oncologist last and told him to give him a call.
Howard said he doesn't think he can take much more of this. Howard told him to call in as Mr. Cancer from now on. The caller kept going with the story. Howard said that Robin got off easy. Howard said that Mr. Cancer was bumming him out. Robin said she stopped talking when she heard the stories. Howard said she put her breast in her mouth to shut up.
Fred played Lou Reed's ''Perfect Day'' as Howard was talking about that. Howard said in his perfect day he wouldn't have to see Benjy.
Howard said then he'd have dinner and he'd get in bed with is wife after that. He said they'd have sex or watch The Bachelor. Howard said either that or Beverly Hills Housewives. Howard said he loves that too. Robin said that's a nightmare. Howard said one man's nightmare is another man's nirvana. Howard said then he'd sign on with NBC to do a reality show and destroy his life.
Howard said come January he's going to do just one thing. He said it's either judge AGT or this radio show. Howard said if he was doing one hour of radio a week he'd do one hour of AGT a week.
Howard asked if he needs to take a break. Fred said they do. Howard said he was going to read about how Robin Williams kids and wife are fighting over his fortune. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Gary said they're just in the trials right now and half the people have lived. Gary said Robin will change her mind about it if she sees the show. Gary said this one seems so promising. Howard said it never ends up happening. Howard said you never want to publish anything because you don't want other doctors taking it. Robin said that's not how science works. Howard said he wouldn't share his research. He said he'd want the money for himself. Robin said if Thomas Edison had only give the light bulb to a few of his friends it wouldn't be anything. He shared it all and he died wealthy anyway.
Howard said that guy Tesla who invented the radio had that stolen from him by Marconi. Robin said a lot of people who work for major companies work on things that the company owns. Howard said that's like the comic books. Howard said the guys who invented the characters don't get the money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard the commercial for Squatty Potty. He said he heard him talking about floating stool. He said if it floats then there is too much fat in it. He said it should sink. Howard had Benjy look up a perfect shit to figure it out. Howard thought that it was supposed to float. Robin said she thinks this guy is right. Benjy said it should be brown, banana shaped, no stick, minimal odor. He said it doesn't say anything about floating.
Howard had Benjy look up floating stool. Benjy did that too. Howard said he thought that his were perfect. Howard said his float up and down like a buoy. Benjy told Howard the details of floating and non-floating. Fred looked it up too and said it sounds like it's not a good thing. Howard asked what the right way is for a doody to be. The caller said it's pretty much how Benjy described it. He said it shouldn't float. Howard said he has to look into that. Howard said he thinks he can will his to the bottom.
Howard said that guy knows what he's talking about. Robin said she tried to tell him that he was wrong. Howard said he doesn't recall that discussion. Howard said he should change that depressing topic.
Howard said Wolfie went out to the Bill Cosby show the other night in Baltimore. Howard said he asked some of the people there some questions. Howard said he never thought Cosby was funny but now with like 38 people having allegations against him he's not sure why anyone would go.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking people if they thought he was guilty or if OJ was guilty. One guy said he didn't think OJ was guilty. Wolfie asked about taking away Bill's doctorate. The caller said you can't take that away if he passed all of the exams.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking about what brings him out to see Cosby. The caller said that he stands up for a lot of things that society is doing wrong these days. He said he pushes hard for morals and ethics. He didn't believe the women who came out. He said he thinks that Cosby didn't need drugs to get any of the girls who came out first. Howard said he thinks Cosby could have fucked them without the drugs.
Howard played another interview with a guy who said he has no problem with Cosby and he thinks he's a respectable man. He said that Cosby should go back home and have a Pepsi and a smile. Howard said that guy talks in advertising slogans.
Howard played a clip of a guy who said he doesn't care if Cosby is guilty. He said he just wanted to see the spectacle. He said he'd take a drink from the guy too because he doesn't rape men.
Howard said being funny goes a long way. Howard played a clip of a protestor talking to Wolfie about why they were there. The woman said that they wanted to remind people who they're giving money to and that's a serial rapist.
Howard said that he remembers the protests that they used to have against the Viet Nam war. Howard said there was one guy who had long hair and was overly tan. Howard said he was kind of ripped and he always had an arm band on and he was the one holding the megaphone. Howard said he wanted to know how he positioned himself in that. Howard said he was super confident and he had that fucking megaphone. He got on his own megaphone and
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard prefers painting or photography better. Howard said photography is an art. He said you have to know a lot to be good at it. Howard said in the day and age of the iPhone the art of photography has been lost. Howard said people just snap off pictures. Howard said most people can't do it. Howard said if you want to learn to paint it takes some time. Howard said he likes being able to do something that people can't do. Robin said he already can and it's doing this radio show. Howard said he's not going to stop there.
Howard said photography takes a lot of equipment too. He said it's so much work. Howard said you carry around so much stuff. He said painting he just carries a little water color kit. Howard said it's way more satisfying. Howard said he looks at things and can't believe he did it.
Howard got back to the Bill Cosby protest clips. Howard played some audio of people chanting ''Stand up in court,not on stage.'' Howard said that's not a great chant. Howard had some examples of some other chants. They had some of people saying ''I believe the women!'' over and over. Howard said all he can say is that this has made the Cosby shows much more interesting. Howard said he wanted to slit his wrists when he saw Cosby doing comedy.
Howard played some more audio of Wolfie doing interviews with fans. One woman said that they let this go on this long so they can let it go on a few more years. She said they ''Should have came out before'' so Howard said that's the kind of intelligence they're dealing with.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a guy if he would trust his daughter alone with Bill Cosby. The caller said he would because everyone slips up at least once. He said everyone has flaws. Howard said that's a pretty big flaw. Howard said he would have arrested that guy.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a guy why he thinks Cosby may have had to knock women out. The guy said maybe he had a premature ejaculation problem.
Howard said on C-span they take phone calls. Howard said that someone made a prank call to them and he brought up Howard Stern and they are so paranoid that they hit the delay for no good reason. Howard said you have to hear that. Howard played the clip and the guy got cut off when he brought up Howard's name. Howard said he doesn't think they'd cut him off if he brought up Hitler. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said he has a clip from a show where people were talking about him possibly running for president with Jesse Ventura. Howard said that led to a whole discussion. Howard played that clip next. The hosts of the show were talking about Jesse Ventura and what he did as governor. One of the hosts said that she can just imagine what would happen if Howard Stern ran. Howard said he likes that Jesse got slammed more than he did.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about Hillary Clinton possibly running for president. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people what they thought of the kid from One Direction leaving the band to join SIS. People just went along with that and gave their answers.
Howard said there's a new Air Jordan sneaker out and they interviewed a guy about why he was there. Howard said the line is crazy long and they wanted to know what was up with that. Howard played a clip of the guy saying something about getting money and giving a shout out to Howard Stern. They asked the guy if he would rather have world peace or the next new pair of Jordan sneakers. The guy picked the sneakers because he can make money with that. Howard said the guy did give him a shout out.
Howard said Gary's wedding was okay too. He said he had some good laughs there. Howard said Gary was on the Wrap Up Show talking about how he and his wife share a bathroom and Gary was talking about going to take a shit while his wife is doing her make up. Howard asked who would want him making a shit while she's doing her make up. Gary said the toilet has its own room. He said it's a big room too. Gary said his wife is well aware when he's taking a shit. Gary said he has a whole set up in the bathroom. He said he has books and all of that. Howard said he shouldn't be reading on the toilet. Gary said he doesn't leave the door open. He told Howard that his shits sink too.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said Howard is a fascist now. He said he tells everyone what to do. Howard said he just thinks that they should keep it a mystery when they're taking a shit. Howard said that's just not cool. Gary said he doesn't want to make noise when he shits so he keeps the door closed.
Gary said he agrees with Tommy on that comment. He said that he is a fascist. Howard said he doesn't shit in front of his wife. He said that Gary likes to shit where his wife is. Gary said he shuts the door. Howard asked Robin what she would do. Robin said Gary should move to another bathroom. Howard said Sal says that Gary has the worst smelling shit too. Gary said he's just making that up.
Sal came in and said that he walked into the bathroom once when Gary came out and he felt like someone stabbed him in the nostrils with an ice pick. He said they had to wait an hour and a half before they went in there. He said it's like nothing he's ever smelled in his life. Sal said you know it's not human shit when you go to the zoo. He said that's what Gary's shit is like. Gary said Sal comes to life when it's about him. Howard asked if he does a courtesy flush. Gary said he does sometimes. He said he hasn't used the toilet in there in like 3 years. Sal said it wasn't that long ago.
Gary said Sal is an insincere asshole. Sal said he's not doing this as a personal thing. He said if a scientist wanted to make shit smell 100 times worse Gary would still beat it. Howard said Gary doesn't eat vegetables so maybe that's part of it. Tommy said Gary does eat them. Gary said he really doesn't eat a lot.
Richard Christy came in and said that he has smelled dead animals that smell better than Gary's shit. He said that he shouldn't be ashamed of that though. Sal said his shits are like a monster from another planet. He said it's like vinegar and dog shit. Richard said it was like he and Sal were running away from a crash or something.
Howard said it's like a Godzilla made out of shit. Howard asked if he takes medication. Gary said he does for his kidney stone. Howard said that's hard to gross out Sal and Richard. Gary said that they know what his shit smells like because they piss together. Sal said it's bad. Richard said it is fun to talk about Gary shitting. Howard said he should take a break but he didn't finish the bracket.
Howard got back to the bracket and was going to get into that but Sal was telling stories about going to weddings that Howard was at. They shared some stories about things they did at Jason's wedding.
Howard read more of the bracket choices. Here's more of the first round:
The guys were talking about pranks that people have done to Howard before. They spent a minute on that and then Howard went through the rest of the brackets and came up with being asked to write a book forward as one of the worst. They had to take a break after that. As they went to break they played a prank call that Sal and Richard did with some clips of Howard yelling at someone about pulling a prank on him.
Howard read about the Robin Williams family fight. They're fighting over the things in Robin Williams' homes and over watches and things like that. Robin said that it sounds like the family thinks that Robin left them everything that he owns but the wife gets to keep the house. They think that means they get everything in the house and the wife gets to keep the house. Robin said the wife thinks she should get to keep everything in the house including Robin's Oscars. Howard said his will isn't that precise either. Robin said you really have to spell it all out.
Robin asked when you can declare your children as dependents on your tax returns. Howard said he thought 18. Robin said there are no age limits on being an in-law. Robin went over the details of how people can file. Robin said as long as you're providing at least half of their income they can be dependents for their whole life.
Robin read about the Walking Dead and how a convention is being planned in Lynchburg, Virginia. Robin said that they're going to have some of the actors who were on the show at the convention. That led to Howard and Robin talking about The Walking Dead for a few minutes. They were going over who they think are the top tier stars on the show.
Robin read a story about how a Duck Dynasty musical is going to be coming soon. Howard played a commercial parody they made about that musical.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Robin isn't touching herself. Howard didn't recall that but Robin said she isn't doing that. The caller said he can't stop thinking about it. Howard said that's a shame that Robin isn't doing that anymore. Robin said it's a medical issue. Howard said she needs a man to loosen that thing up. Howard asked Robin if she threw out her vibrators. Robin said everything is still there. Howard said Robin is like the poster girl for masturbation. Howard said that just sobered him up. Robin said he'll forget again. Howard said maybe he will. Howard said he hopes she's back in the game again soon.
Robin read a story about a law that would make it illegal to smoke in a car with children in it. Howard said he believes in that law. Robin said this is in Tempe, Arizona. Robin said they could vote on the matter in April. Howard said he's all for that.
Robin read about how Harrison Ford is out of the hospital. Robin asked if he sent him a note. Howard said he's not that close to the guy. He said he just met him. Robin said he was seen out driving in Los Angeles on Friday. Robin said he was in a plane crash on March 5.
Robin read a story about the Cincinnati Reds making it easier for women with kids to breast feed at the ball park in a special nursing area.
Robin read a story about a 74 year old man who died when a tombstone fell over on him. Robin said the man was helping to decorate the tombstone for Easter when it tipped over on him.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein being under investigation for an alleged groping incident. Robin said a 22 year old woman filed the claim recently. Robin said no charges have been filed yet. Robin asked what they should do about that. Howard said he's not sure what you do. He said you don't know who to believe. Howard said you can't do stuff like that. Robin said the woman claims Harvey asked if her breasts were real and touched them. Then she asked him to remove his hands and he allegedly put his hand on her leg. Howard said he would talk to Harvey about that. Howard said he was reading about a country where it's legal to grope all models. Howard said that's not here though. Howard said he would book Harvey and have 10 women booked so he can feel them up and tell them if they have implants or not.
Robin read a story about a Chinese Muslim Man who is going to prison because he has a beard and his wife wears a veil. Robin said the Chinese government has been prosecuting these people over that. Robin said you can come here and do whatever you want in the name of religion. Howard said sometimes that gets them in trouble. Howard said he was reading about that woman who wants to go to Mars because science is the rule and not religion. Robin said you should be able to do whatever you want. Robin said she doesn't want to be required to do it.
Robin read a story about a priest who did a mass exorcism on a polish camp. Robin said some kids were crying on the floor or laughing hysterically. Robin said the camp defended the incident and said they hadn't received any complaints.
Robin said that all day breakfast may be starting at McDonald's. Howard said why not. He said if he wants to eat breakfast at midnight then why not? Howard said they are competing with diners who do that. Howard said JD is going to get even fatter. JD said he's not a fan of their breakfast. Howard said they have glass on the walls so he can see what he's eating. He said for a while he was eating Filet-O-Fish for every meal. JD said he likes it but he hasn't had it in a while. Howard said he has had a lot of rice lately. JD said that's a side. Howard said he has vegetables in the rice. JD said that's the side. He said sometimes he'll have a pita with turkey in it. Howard said sometimes he has a huge side of Mac and Cheese. JD said he does like that too. Howard asked if he ever exercises. JD said he walks. Fred did his impression of JD talking about walking to Toasties to get that Mac and Cheese. Howard said JD brags that he walks home from work. JD said he is well aware that he doesn't work out. Howard asked if he just keeps gaining weight and goes out to buy new pants when they don't fit. JD said he hasn't ''boughten'' new pants lately. Howard and Robin goofed on JD for using the word ''boughten'' for a short time.
Howard asked JD how things are going with the girlfriend. JD said that they're going fine. He said she tried to get him out walking the other day. He said she's worried about his health. Howard said he should have ''boughten'' her a gift. Fred played a song parody about JD mumbling from Daniel Mendelson. Howard said that's another Daniel Mendelson gem.
Howard asked if JD is still talking to webcam girls. JD said no but then Howard asked if he's completely done. JD said ''Uh, yeah'' and Howard took that as a no. JD said he's not talking about that stuff anymore. He said he's trying to protect her situation. Howard said he doesn't ''boughten'' that answer. Howard asked if he cut down at least. JD said ''I don't.'' Howard said he does. Howard asked if she wants to change him. JD said he can tell him whatever he wants and he won't believe him. Howard said if he tells him the truth he'll believe it. JD said he doesn't. Howard asked if he wanted to change his answer. JD said he doesn't want to get into anything. JD asked him to move on. JD said he has cut down significantly. Howard said that he hasn't ''boughten'' any web cam credits lately.
Howard asked if JD has met her parents yet. JD said they don't even live in the same state. He said they are a couple hours away from where she lives. He said she's not in the same state. Howard said he's trying to keep the webcam girl thing on the down low. He said that he's still doing it though. Howard said maybe she's embarrassed by JD and she won't introduce him to her parents. JD said that's not it. He said he's not sure what she told her parents but they know they're dating. JD's been dating her for the past year and he still hasn't met her parents. Howard said that's kind of odd. Howard did his impression of JD for a few seconds.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man. Speech asked if he has heard anything about Tracy Morgan. He said it in a funny way so Howard and Fred were goofing on him about saying ''Spacy Forgan''. Speech asked if Howard has had any conversation with him at all. Howard said he has not. He said he wrote him a note the other day though. He said he just wanted to say hi. Howard said he is worried about Tracy. Howard said he hopes he's okay. Speech asked Fred to play him something but Howard cut him off and hung up on him. they played him off with a theme song.
Robin read a story about April Fools coming up tomorrow. Howard said the joke is on him. He said he'll be in L.A. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how you should think long and hard before pulling a prank on a co-worker. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Elizabeth Warren saying she won't run for President in 2016. Howard said he had never heard of her until just a couple of weeks ago.
Robin read a story about the new law in Indiana about religious freedom. Robin said the governor of the state is still telling people that this new law is being misunderstood. Robin said they say it's not an open law to discriminate against gays. Howard said there are some states we don't need... like Indiana. Robin said the band Wilco canceled a concert there in Indiana over this. Howard said of course. He said we have to evolve.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever consider selling his paintings. Howard said not really. Howard said he did 4 flowers for his wife. He did some landscapes he liked. He did some other things too that are pretty good. He said he's done about 15 decent paintings. Howard said 4 hang in his wife's closet. He said a couple are in his office. Howard said some are in a folder. Howard said he was going to do one for Madonna. Howard said it turned out so good that his wife took it. Howard said the real good ones are hard to part with. The caller said he just got into art collecting but he hasn't ''boughten'' anything yet. Howard said he has ''boughten'' 3 paintings lately. Howard said when he boughten them he wanted to be able to paint as well as the ones he boughten. Robin asked if he's going to boughten more. Howard said he might. Howard said he saw Bob Dylan's art show and he didn't think it was all that great.
Robin asked Howard if he is innovating or is he just good at what people have already done. Howard said he thinks most of his paintings are copies of the great artists. He said they weren't innovative. He said they were just learning technique. Robin said that he is a master of what he does and that's the kind of art he should be collecting. Howard said he hasn't advanced anything in the art world.
Robin said she's not a huge fan of the third season of House of Cards. Robin said she doesn't think they've stayed the course. Robin said maybe the fourth season will be big. Robin said President Clinton is saying that the show is closer to fact than fiction. Howard said that's kind of scary.
Robin read a story about 30 people being killed by ISIS today. Robin said they attacked a village and killed men, women and children.
Howard took a call from Jim in Raleigh who asked if he thinks Ralph or Robin would ever get married. Howard said he thinks maybe Robin if she found the right man. Howard asked if that could happen. Robin said anything can happen. Howard said maybe Robin will marry Ralph. Howard said he thinks she has opened up and fallen in love but Ralph doesn't seem to want to share his life with anyone else. Jim said Ralph can only love himself. Howard said he was about to argue that but he can't. Howard said Ralph seems to be happy though. He said Robin is happy too. He said she could share her life with someone and give and care. Howard said he wants love for Robin. He said no one is good enough though. He said he'd like to see her do some speed dating. Robin said she'll take that under advisement. Jim asked if Robin is ever asked out. Robin said she isn't going out right now. Howard let Jim go after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Ted Kennedy dedication that took place yesterday. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about Kennedy at the dedication.
Robin said they say that President Obama has visited every state but two. Robin said that President Bush went to all but Vermont. Robin said Obama hasn't gone to South Dakota. Howard said Obama does viral videos to get to kids too. Howard played a bit they created like a Jackass bit.
Robin had some audio of Marco Rubio talking about the nuclear agreement that we're supposed to have with Iran. Howard said he saw Rubio on FOX news yesterday. He said he sat in on The Five for two segments.
Robin read about how Justin Tiberlake gave some advice to the kids at the I Heart Radio awards. Robin had a clip of that for Howard to play. Robin said Angelina Jolie gave a very similar speech at a Kid's Choice awards show too. Robin had that clip as well. Howard said being different isn't always a good thing. Howard said that guy who crashed the German airplane was different.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thinks Robin would love to marry him. Howard said he wants to know why he has tags in his fucking shirt. Ralph said he spent two hours doing that. He asked what he's wearing. Howard said Ralph pulled this out for him. Howard asked what he wants. Ralph said nothing. Howard hung up on him. Howard said only Ralph would brag about working for 2 hours.
Robin had Howard play a clip of a singer singing a song. Howard said it sounds familiar. Howard said he doesn't know it. Robin said it's a song about a girl singing about wanting to have a man but she has to go through a woman. Robin said some people are refusing to play the song because they think it's about lesbianism. Robin said the song is called Girl Crush. Robin said there are a lot of supporters coming out to support Little Big Town. Howard was humming the song thinking it sounded like something else. Benjy started humming it with Howard and tried to figure out what it was.
Robin said the Justin Bieber roast got a lot of attention. Robin said she has clips. Howard said he had a bunch too but they ran out of time.
Robin said that One Direction fans are getting a taste of what the band will be like without Zayn. Robin said they have a Zayn song demo that they put out last night. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to comment about Bobo and Mariann. She said that they have nerve commenting about the callers. She said they get the air time when people like her don't get on. She said she didn't like the way they were telling other callers how to be. She said the other 30 million fans might want to get on too.
Jon said he agrees with Mariann that you shouldn't ask for a game as soon as you call in. Jon said that everyone has a shot to get on. He said eventually he'll get to you. Jon went to break after that.
Jon said today they had Dr. Leila Zucker on and she's one of the 100 finalists who may go to Mars. Josh said he doesn't get that at all. He said he was reading about that and there are some people who have children they are leaving behind. He said this is a suicide mission. He said that there is no good to come from this. He said it's crazy talk. Gary said that a suicide mission is one that you die immediately on. Gary said they could live there for 20 years. Gary said she was telling some fable about how to get oxygen. Jon said that wasn't a fable. He said it was real. Josh said that this is all crazy talk.
Jon said that she made a good case for going. Gary said he thought Leila had a good sense of humor. He said she had some good come backs for him. They also talked to her about how she pulled a Transformer out of someone's ass once. Josh jokingly said he was that guy.
Josh said he was in Australia once and he was at the hospital saying he had a weird itch between his legs. Josh said you just don't know what to say and you have to walk them through it. He said he had a burning situation down there and it turned out he had nothing going on. He said he's just a hypochondriac. Gary said he read a story about a guy who went to an emergency room with a peanut butter jar shoved up his ass. The guy claimed he slipped and fell on it and that's how it ended up there. Josh said they should send that guy to Mars.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Howard went from saying he would be a Social Worker to complaining about his tags. She said it felt like there was an edit almost. Gary said he was talking and he lifted his arm and got mad at Ralph over that.
Jon said that Howard was asked by a caller what he would have been doing if he wasn't in radio. Howard said he would have been a social worker. Jon said then he realized he had a tag in his shirt that they had to cut. Gary said JD helped once and cut the shirt so now Howard cuts them himself. Gary said they've had to do it like 4 times now. Josh said tags are nonsense. He said they just rub on you and they're so uncomfortable. Gary said they should just print the tag in the shirt. Jon said that's what they do now with a lot of clothing. Gary said the one Howard has to cut off is the one on the side. He said that's the really annoying one. Jon said they later found out that Ralph put in a good two hours of work the other day. He said you know it drives Howard nuts.
Jon said there are still single people on the show who may never get married. Jon said Ralph will probably stay single. Jon asked about Robin. Gary said he thinks that the older you get the less chance of the right person coming along is. Josh said he is in love with Robin. He said he agrees about getting older and how you'd have to adjust to another person.
Jon asked if JD will ever tie the knot. Gary said he thinks he will at some point. He said that someone will have to suggest it to him before he'll do it. Josh said he hopes she's listening to this now. He said that Gary just said this probably won't be this girl. Gary said this is his first committed relationship. He said that he could be the guy to marry her but it's his first real one.
Josh asked how old JD is. Gary and Jon weren't sure but they figured around 30 or so. Josh said it's about time to get married. Jon said they had to take a break so he reminded everyone about the poll before going to break.
Gary asked if everything is cool after they do a segment where they yell at each other. Josh said that they go up to each other and tell each other they don't mean any of this stuff. Josh said they are doing a show on FX on FX and you don't know where the reality begins and where the fiction comes in.
Jon said when that happens on this show they say it's just for the show but the insults come from some sort of truth. He said that happened with Sal today over the shit smell. Gary said that really pissed him off. He said that of course his shit smells. He said Sal is like Howard's dancing monkey. He said Howard is howling and loves it. Gary said if he gets a jab in it's even better. Gary said maybe it really did stink but Sal had jokes and bad jokes. He said it was really irritating him. Gary said he could see Sal getting empowered.
Jon said Howard was saying that Gary is insane for using his bathroom with Mary in there. Gary said Mary texted him and said that he's so selfish and she was loving the conversation. Gary said now he'll have to take everything into another bathroom. Josh said it's the worst when you have to shit in a public bathroom. He said he has had a moment when someone recognizes him and asks him to leave a message for their kid. Gary said the grossest place to go to the bathroom is in the airport. Josh said it's like an elephant came in and had its way there. Jon said the train station is bad too. Gary said he knows guys have a phobia. He said you worry about shitting on the plane. Josh said if you're going in a train station to shit then something is wrong. He said he has never shit in a train station. He said in an airport you have to go because you don't want to shit on an airplane. Gary said he has never gone to the bathroom on an airplane.
Josh said he went into a port-a-potty and he had to hover because there was nothing to put on the seat. Gary said he went to Afghanistan with Artie and they were in an army airport. He said Nick DiPaolo had to go to the bathroom and there was no light in there so he had to light a lighter to see if he had finished wiping.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has managed people before and he wonders if it makes it hard for him to manage when he gets goofed on so much. Gary said that it can be hard on days like today. He said pretty much everyone there has been on the other end of it though. Gary said he used to be much more embarrassed in front of the interns. He said the other people work there all the time so they know. Gary said the interns would look at him like a zoo animal.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that truck stops are worse than train stations. Jon said those can be bad too. Jon said that you may pull off and you know what you're in for. Josh said that has happened to him on the way to Las Vegas. He said he doesn't enjoy those.
Jon asked Rahsaan to come in with the poll results. Rahsaan said that 60 percent voted that they are poop ninja like Howard. Rahsaan said he thinks that a grown ass man should be able to shit in his house and not get any crap about it. Gary said he's going to pick up his stuff and move to another room from now on.
Josh asked if Gary has ever heard of air fresheners. Gary said he has them. He said it's all good. He said he has a fan too. Jon gave Josh a plug for The Comedians which starts on April 9th on FX. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:50am.
Richard Christy opened the show since Howard was out. He said today is his birthday and he loves a good prank so they're going to feature some of those today. Richard said the first one today was the first and last time he pranked Howard. He explained how the prank came about with the pimple on his arm and how that led to him getting make up done that made it look like he had something really wrong with his arm.
Richard's Open Wound Getting Worse. 04/27/09. 6:30am
Robin asked Howard if he's worried about the Swine Flu. Howard said he's really not. Robin told him that there are people who are dying form that flu and it's not the young people, it's people Howard's age.
Richard came in and showed the guys what's going on with his arm and the wound he had from his zit is now bleeding. Howard asked him what's up with that and said it has to be MRSA. Robin said she wants him out of there. Howard told him to leave and go to an emergency room. Richard said he didn't want to call in and make them feel like he was faking it.
Howard told Richard to get out of there. Richard said he was out swimming over the weekend and that might not have helped. Howard said that Seth MacFarlane is coming in today and he's making Richard leave. He said that's kind of funny. Richard wasn't going to be forced to do that load on his back thing. They dropped that whole idea.
Howard said Richard really has to get that thing checked out. Richard said it's kind of neat looking. Howard said he really has to get that fixed. Robin told him that this is how the Swine Flu got to this country, from people like him.
Richard said he hates missing work. Howard told him he should have taken care of it on Friday. Richard said he went to a dermatologist and they're going to give him test results today. Howard told him that it shouldn't take that long to find out.
Artie said Richard should be panicked about that wound. Howard said he thinks that the stuff he's putting on that wound is making it worse. Robin said it was frightening that it was getting worse. She said it shouldn't be leaking the way it was.
Richard said it went from being a pimple to that. It was starting to heal last week but now it's worse than it was.
JD told him that he doesn't even know that it was definitely a pimple that he popped. He's assuming it was a pimple. Howard said Richard came in there to talk about Swine flu like he was worried about it. Meanwhile he's got that open, weeping wound on his arm.
Richard Christy's Failed Prank. 04/27/09. 6:50am
Howard was about to take a call but Richard came back in and showed the guys that he had just faked the blood on his arm. Richard said it was special effects make up. He said that they had been ''Richard Christy'd.'' Howard told Richard that it really didn't look that much better. He told Richard to cover it up. Richard said it was better. Howard said it didn't look that much better than it did last week. Robin said it did look better.
Howard told Richard not to prank him again. He said that he had just wasted 10 minutes of the show. He said if he does that again he's going to fire him. He said that he wasted his time and his arm still looks infected to him. Richard said he has a buddy who does special effects and they did that. Howard told him to tell his friend to go fuck himself.
Howard said that they're going to get sick from him. He said the joke failed because his arm is infected. Richard said it's gotten better. Richard said that it's only been a week and a half. Howard said that he's infected and he has to get that thing taken care of. Richard said it's not that bad. Howard said it's not as bad as the fake make up stuff but it's still bad.
Howard told Richard to leave. He said that he doesn't get why he's telling him that he has to get that thing checked out. Howard told him he's disgusting. Richard apologized to them for what he did. Howard said now he's probably going to die from Richard's open wound.
Howard said that Richard is disgusting and he doesn't want to be ''Punk'd'' on his own show. Artie said Howard has said that many times on the air that he has no desire to be pranked and Richard went ahead and did it anyway. Robin said that they're probably going to be pranked by Sal next and he'll come in saying that they've been ''Governale'd.''
Next up on today's April Fools special they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard as ''the flu'' and had him trying to get rid of it by saying ''shu, shu retarded flu.''
The Gary Puppet Gets Stolen (August 22, 1994). 04/04/07. 9:25am
After the break we heard a request for the segment where the Gary Puppet got stolen. In that segment we hear Gary telling Howard that the Gary puppet had been stolen over the weekend. He was afraid that Howard was going to get mad at him so he was going to leave the studio to tell him. He said he was really, really nervous telling Howard this story. He said that the puppet had been abducted on Saturday but he did have a plate number so he was going to try and track it down. Gary said he thought that Howard and the guys had set him up though.
Howard said he told Gary not to take that puppet to his appearances. He said the puppet is a superstar and he loves it more than any person on the planet. He asked him how he can lose something like that. Howard asked Gary where he was and where the puppet was. Gary said he was in Little Falls, New Jersey and someone stole it while he was there. The puppet is now gone and he has no idea where it is.
Gary said the owner of the store wanted to show him his stereo system so he walked out of the store and that's when the puppet was taken. Howard asked Gary if he had called the cops yet. Gary said he hadn't done that yet. He said the owner is willing to pay for a new one to be made and that might take a couple of weeks. Howard asked Gary to just go himself from now on and not take the puppet. He said he can't trust him with his property.
Howard had a caller on the line who said that he was there at the store and thought that the guys were pulling a prank on Gary. Howard ended up hanging up on that guy because he didn't have his camera on him. Gary knew that something was up and wondered why Howard hung up on that guy so quick. Howard said goodbye to Gary and told him to leave after he gave him a big smirk like he was in on the whole thing.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard he had another guy on the line who saw the puppet get stolen. The guy said that he saw Gary after the puppet disappeared and he was so white he looked like a mime with big green teeth. He said he could see the dread in his face when the puppet had vanished. Howard asked for someone to return the puppet so they could move on. He said Gary was staring at him like he had done something wrong.
Howard said this did seem kind of dumb because it's all over a puppet. He said he's not even mad at Gary for the puppet being taken when he had nothing to do with it. He said he doesn't get Gary and asked him why he would give him that look when he had nothing to do with it.
Gary said the guy on the phone didn't even see what happened, he wasn't there. He said he still thinks that this is a practical joke that they're pulling on him because they've done that to other people on the show. He said he was promoting this gig for two weeks and he could just about see the smile on Jackie's face. Gary said he had someone watching over the puppet for him so he should have been okay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the puppet. He said he was looking at the puppet as they spoke and described what he was wearing. Howard asked to talk to the puppet so the guy did his Gary impression and goofed on Gary a little bit. Gary claimed that the guy had left a ransom note so he was going to run out to get it. Howard continued to talk to the guy for a short time and then Gary came back in and said that he has his license plate number. He also said that stealing the puppet is a felony because it's worth over $600. The guy said that he was showing the puppet to friends and he had offers to buy it.
Howard said he doesn't know what this guy is going to be doing to the puppet while he has it. He said that he's not sure he wants it back now. He asked the guy to just give it back. The guy said he lives in New Jersey so he could have it there in 15 minutes... for the right price. Tom Chiusano came in and said they're not going to negotiate with a criminal. He said they have a lead and they will call the police and get things in gear.
The caller said he wanted $2,000 for it and he'd bring it in. Howard said he would pay. He asked if he wanted to do it at a drop off point or something so they could avoid the police. Ralph came in and said that he could make a new one with two thousand dollars. Tom said he thinks they should go after that guy. Howard wanted to know what they should do with Gary. Gary wanted to get the puppet back first and then decide. Howard said he thinks that Gary hates the puppet so much that he left it alone hoping that it would disappear. Gary said that's not the case.
Howard said that the puppet has gotten more popular than him and that's why he wanted it to disappear. Gary said he loved the puppet. Howard wondered why he didn't let him know that the puppet had been stolen right away. Gary had the license plate number and should have reported it immediately. Gary said this was turning out as bad as he expected it to. Howard and Robin goofed on him for not calling the cops right away.
The caller said he was going to jack up the price to $5,000 since he did have some offers for that much. Howard said he would call off the deal and call the cops on him instead. The guy said that this is the original puppet and it's like having the original Charlie McCarhty doll. Howard said this is like negotiating with Jackie.
Howard said he really wanted to resolve this whole thing and decided that they're not going to negotiate with the guy. A cop had showed up to take some information down. The cop came in but he was a New York City officer. The crime took place in New Jersey so they had to report it there. That led to Howard telling the cop how dopey Gary is and how he should have reported this over the weekend.
Howard had Gary repeating after him. He had him talking about how incompetent he is and that he will stop taking that stuff and also stop taking stupid pills and dumb capsules. Robin said she can't believe he did something he was told not to do. Howard said this wasn't the first time he's been fooled and it won't be the last. He said his first reaction was to say no to him and that's what he should have done.
Howard said that he's not going to be a nice guy on this show anymore. If he wants the puppet to stay there, it's going to stay there from now on. John said that they had a private investigator there. Howard told him to keep that guy around so they could hire him to find Gary's brain.
Howard said that they were actually going to have that puppet host ''Talk Soup'' on E!. Howard told Gary that he needs a real producer and he needs to get rid of him. Howard said he wanted to finalize everything and wrap up. He got the owner of the store, Nick, on the phone and asked him what had gone on. Nick said he was demonstrating the mini-disc system he had in his car and they left the puppet behind. He said that they had a lot of people in the store and someone took their eyes off the puppet for a short time. He said that Gary was very upset and it turned the place into a funeral.
Gary said that this all happened about a half hour before he was done with the appearance. Nick said he did hear some people talking about stealing the puppet and he should have known something was going on. He also said he had asked Gary if he wanted him to report the theft to the police but Gary didn't want him to. Gary said he didn't think that it would help things out at the time.
Fred came walking in with the puppet a short time later. Gary said that he knew that they had set him up. Howard said he didn't know anything. Howard said he would be nuts to let that puppet out of his sight. He said they plotted the stealing of that puppet for three weeks. He said Gary had asked him if he could borrow the puppet and that led to them coming up with the plan. John said that he was the one who actually stole the puppet so of course he knew about it. Gary kept calling him over the weekend freaking out about it.
John said that the car that they drove off in was his assistant's car. Gary said that the plate number he had was actually a bad number. He had tried to report it but it was missing a number or one of the numbers was wrong. Gary wondered if they were going to have video tape of the whole thing too. Howard said they didn't have that. Fred did his Gary Puppet impression and goofed on Gary with the puppet for a few seconds.
Howard said they came up with this plan after some discussion and they weren't sure they were going to be able to pull it off. Then they got the owner of the store involved and had him help them out with the plan. Gary said he's amazed that no one caved in after seeing him freaking out on them.
Howard said that John called him that night to tell him he had the puppet. He wanted to call the whole thing off but John wanted to keep the joke going for a while. That's why they kept it going until this morning. Gary said he wanted to come in and search the station for the puppet this morning. John said the puppet was safe in a car out on Madison Avenue this morning. Gary asked whose idea it really was. Howard wasn't sure but he thinks that it might have been Jackie. Gary had placed the blame on him earlier in the morning and it was almost as if he was quoting him according to Jackie.
Jackie said that it would have been great if they could have stolen the puppet from John as well. John said he had that in mind so he was expecting it. Gary said that he and his wife were talking about it and they figured this would be dragged out for a few more days at least. John said that he regrets not recording the calls he had with Howard. He said they were laughing together about the whole thing. Howard said he told John to tell the guy to call in with the puppet demanding ransom money. Gary was also fooled because Howard didn't bring up the puppet early this morning like he expected him to.
Gary said that he was so exhausted and depressed that he went to bed at about 6:30 last night. He said he woke up 3 or 4 times during the night as well. Howard took a call from a guy who said he was there and very upset that the puppet had been stolen. Howard said this whole thing worked out great. They had been planning it for three weeks and it worked out very well.
On today's April Fools special they played Kidd Chris' prank call to George Takei as Ricardo Montalban before they went to break.
THoHS:A3 - Prank Calls To Baba Booey And Jerry Seinfeld. 12/21/09. 7:40am
In the clip we heard Howard playing more of the prank calls and the guys laughing their asses off as they were doing it. Next up was the Barbara Booey prank when Billy said his name was Barbara as he was doing a female voice. Gary got on the phone when he heard it was a Barbara on the line. He thought it was his cousin. Billy kept him going for a few seconds before telling him it was ''Barbara... Barbara Who? Barbara Booey.'' The guys were all laughing their asses off at that.
On today's April Fools special they also played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a roofing company using Scott the Engineer audio clips where he's yelling about people smoking.
Goofing On High Pitch Erik Plus Comedian Dave Attell Sits In. 12/19/02. 9:05am
Howard spoke to Dave Attell for a short time and then said he had a funny call to play. He reminded everyone about the prank calls High Pitch Erik has been making over the past couple of months. Sal the Stockbroker has been behind all of the calls and feeds Erik the lines he says to these people. Sal and Joey Boots decided to play a trick on Erik for this call. They had a guy who does a great Ozzy Osbourne impression play the part of Ozzy. Sal then had Erik call the guy who he thought was actually Ozzy and prank him. Erik made some comments about Sharon and Kelly Osbourne that pissed ''Ozzy'' off. ''Ozzy'' then freaks out and says he's going to find out who these guys are and will get back at them somehow. Sal then tells Erik that he's better apologize to Ozzy before he finds out who they are. Sal then starts the apology and tells ''Ozzy'' who they are and that they're from the Howard Stern Show. Ozzy then says he's going to call Howard and get them thrown off the show. Howard played tape of all of this and it was pretty damn funny. Erik then calls his buddy Joey Boots and tells him what happened. Joey told Erik that it's all his fault and goofs on him since he was part of the whole thing. Joey tells Erik he's sick of his lying and as a punishment he tells Erik that he's not going to a Chinese Buffet with him. He ends up hanging up on Erik. Then Sal has Erik call the show and he leaves a message with someone there for KC. He says that someone is going out impersonating him and that person made a call to Ozzy and pissed him off. Sal makes Erik lie about the whole thing. After that Sal calls ''Ozzy'' back while Erik is on the line and tries to convince him that he's Howard and he took care of the problem. The phony Ozzy tells Sal he doesn't believe he's Howard and tells the ''assholes'' to have a good day as he hangs up on him.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said he got an e-mail from Joey Boots who said Erik had no idea this was a trick. Howard said if he'd known that he wouldn't have talked about it until he spoke to Erik. He could have continued the goof. He had the guys try to get Erik on the line just in case he hadn't heard the show this morning. Dave was impressed with the guy's Ozzy impression and wondered who he was. Howard said that he's a guy they're going to have on the show every day now because the impression was so good.
Sal the Stockbroker called in and said Erik is really nervous about the whole thing and he's afraid he's going to lose his spot on the show. Howard cut him off and put him on hold so he could get to High Pitch Erik. He had Erik on the line and he seemed to be clueless about the whole thing but after a short time he admitted he'd heard the show and knew it was a goof. Erik still didn't seem to get the whole thing and what had happened to him so Howard told him he wasn't banned from the show. Erik said he was in tears over the whole thing because Howard told him he was banned from the show when he picked up. Erik didn't realize that Howard was kidding for some reason. Erik thought it was really Ozzy he spoke to so he got upset. Howard tried to tell him that he was goofed on and he wasn't banned from the show. It was too complicated to explain to him. Artie said he thinks that Erik heard the whole show and still didn't get it. Howard put Sal back on the line and let him say a few thanks. He mentioned the guy who did the Ozzy impression but his cell phone was kind of garbled. I think it was something like Billy Mira. Sal asked if there were any prizes he could win for doing such a great scam. At first Howard said there weren't any prizes for him but then Howard told him he did have some type of jewelry for him.
Sal Late, Howard Tells Him He's Retiring. 12/09/10. 8:05am
After the break Howard came back and said he had to get this big announcement over with. He was still doing this to goof on Sal. Howard told Gary to come in with Richard and Sal and some of the other guys. He wanted them to pretend to be upset when he announced he was going to leave. Howard said that this was going to be weird. He got everyone to come in. He thought he had enough people in there. Robin said Sal looked different without make up on.
Howard asked a couple of the guys what they thought was going to happen. They were pretending they didn't know the news. Howard said this was very difficult to say. Sal said ''Uh oh...'' Howard said that he and Mel had been talking to Mel about this whole thing and he was thinking about retiring. Howard said that he had a lot to think about. Sal sipped a drink in the middle of that so Howard had to ask him not to do that while he's making this big announcement.
Howard asked Sal how his marriage is going but caught himself and didn't get into that. Howard asked Sal if he has a contingency plan. Sal doesn't even know what that means. He thought it meant a ''continuation.'' Sal said he doesn't have shit planned. He said that he'll just go out and do something else. He said he's willing to work for anyone but Leno or Imus.
Howard told the guys he had a contract in his hands and he almost signed it. He said that Robin has been working hard on her charity and he thought about his own life. He said he dreamt that he would be a professor or something some day. Howard said he was going to go on with the radio show or do something else. He said that the company didn't want to change anything and he backed out of the deal. He said that he's going to say that he's going off into the sunset. Sal said ''Holy fuck...'' Gary asked if it was their last show next week. Howard said it is.
Howard said he doesn't know what to tell them but he's sorry. Robin asked what he's going to do. Howard said he's going to sit home for a while. He's going to do some limited TV stuff and learn to play chess. Howard said he'll be down at the Marshall chess club just about every day. Sal broke down crying. Sal said that Howard has made his dreams come true but it's bitter sweet. He doesn't know what to do. He said that this has nothing to do with Howard. He said he's grateful for what he's done for them.
Howard said this is the part he can't take. He said he loves Sal. Sal was in tears and said he knows he has to move on. Howard said he has to make a vow to everyone. He said that he hopes everyone will be okay but someone like Sal is so loyal. He said he would do anything for him and he should have stayed. He said he feels fucking awful. Sal said that it's his fault for not planning financially.
Howard asked why he didn't plan. Sal said that he just didn't and he's sorry. He said Howard has done more than enough for him and he can't thank him enough for that. Sal said that this is about him.
Howard said he just can't do it anymore. Howard said he was going to sign for all of them but it's the end of the show. Sal was sobbing.
Howard said he's crazed over this. Robin asked what happened to all of the other deals. Howard said he turned them all down. Sal said this was a dream come true working for the show. He said it was a one in a billion chance. He said that he gave him everything he could. Sal said it's really bitter sweet. Howard asked if he thinks they'll see each other again. Sal said he knows he won't.
Howard said he's going to make the next week together spectacular. He said he hopes it's all good for everyone. Sal was crying like crazy saying that he has his boys and he doesn't know what the fuck he's going to do. Howard said he's so sorry. Sal was barely able to speak from the crying.
Howard asked Sal if he was late today. Howard said that when you show up late you get goofed on. He told him that he's signed on for 5 more years. Sal said he couldn't believe this. He cheered right up and started laughing. Robin was crying and had him believing it was true. Robin said she was crying because Sal was crying. Sal started laughing his ass off telling Howard he should retire now.
George was crying too. Howard asked why he was crying. George said he knew the story but he felt his anguish. Howard said that Sal overslept because he was out drinking with Richard last night. Howard said he had to goof on him.
Tim said the best part was that he was upset about his 3 sons and never mentioned his wife Christine. Sal said ''Christine who?'' Howard told Sal to come up with a plan in the next 5 years. Sal said he will.
Sal overslept through two alarms. Sal said he was drunk last night so he didn't know his phone was on vibrate. Gary said that he almost cried because of Sal. JD said he was trying not to laugh. Richard said Ronnie was dying laughing. Howard said he saw the smile on Ronnie's face.
Howard said Benjy was going to run out of the room screaming but he's glad that he held off on that. He said it worked out just right.
Gary said it was like Howard bringing Sal into the future and Sal saw what it's going to be like then. George said he could feel his pain when he was crying and saw how much he loves his sons. He said deep down in his heart he knew Howard would make this decision. Howard said it looked like a punch in the stomach to Sal. Howard said he's glad he did that to him. He said he showed up late after going out and getting drunk. Sal said there was no celebration or anything. He said he stayed at a hotel last night and the phone never went off. Howard said he probably just slept through it.
Howard said that they're together forever. He said it'll be another 5 years. Robin said she has to hear this back.
Howard said he almost started crying when he thought about how he's doing another 5 years. Howard said he's there with Sal for another 5. Sal thanked him. The Howard TV guys put a shot of him crying up on the screen. Richard was consoling him in the video. Howard had them play it back so they could watch again.
Howard listened in to the audio where he told Sal he was goofing on him. They watched the video again and then moved on. Howard said Sal was crying again. Richard said he was just hung over. Howard asked if he was okay. Sal said he's alright. Howard said punking Sal was better than the real announcement. Sal told Howard he was a cock sucker.
Before a break on today's April Fools special they played the prank calls Sal and Richard made to Steve Langford using Sour Shoes audio clips.
Stuttering John's Stock Trading Prank On Gary - March 1, 1995. 04/04/07. 6:05am
In the first segment played we heard Howard talking about how Gary was almost bankrupt yesterday after Stuttering John had pulled a prank on him about some stock deal he had set up. That led to Gary talking about the time John scammed him about the Gary pupped being kidnapped. Gary said that John is supposed to be his friend and he still jerks him around like this. He also said that he's John's boss and he's not going to let him get away with this stuff anymore. He said he's going to start treating John like an employee instead of a friend now. John and Gary went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard talked to Stuttering John and Gary about their issues with each other. Howard told the two of them that they can't let things outside of the show affect their work there. John said he plays jokes on everyone there, not just on Gary. Howard said John had a stockbroker call Gary and tell him that he had lost all of the money that he had invested.
Gary said he's had dealings with other stockbrokers who have just closed up shop and vanished so he wouldn't have been surprised if this guy was gone today. Howard went on to play the audio of this guy Benny telling Gary that the stock he had invested in had gone out of business and all of the stocks were worthless. Gary said it was a $10,000 investment so of course he was upset about it. He said he knew what the guy was going to tell him but he was waiting for him to say exactly what he was going to say. In the tape Gary gets upset with the stockbroker and tells him that he called him five times last week trying to find out what was going on. Gary told the guy to get him a check for $7250 today. That's the kind of money he gave the guy to buy this stock. Benny tells him that it's only worth about $2100 at that point.
Howard said this bit was downright cruel. Gary said that even Doug from E! was involved in the stock thing so he overheard the conversation and was freaking out hearing this conversation going on. Howard continued to play the tape after that. Gary was still going off on Benny telling him that he never approved of him making the trade for him to get rid of that stock. Benny said that John had taken his money and ran. He also said that Doug was down a little bit of money as well.
Gary told Howard that if he had seen Benny before playing this, the bit would be even that much funnier. Howard got back to the tape and listened as Gary was going off on Benny about the way he was handling his money. Howard was impressed that Gary handled himself the way he did. He thought he was doing a good job of it. Gary eventually figured out that he was being recorded so he knew that it was a joke. He realized that John was standing there with a microphone recording him. He told both John and Benny to die.
Gary didn't understand why John was always using him in his jokes like that. John said that they've done friendly favors for each other over time and they both goof on each other. Gary said that he was really bummed out about the puppet stealing thing. John said it was just a joke and he thinks that Gary should get over it.
Ralph came in and said that John is always upset when he thinks that he's going to tell someone something and he can't believe that he keeps pulling pranks on Gary like this. John said that he's only pulled two pranks on him in 7 years so it's not constant. Howard said that Ralph doesn't get the joke and goofed on him a little bit.
John asked Ralph how he got involved in this and told him to get his berry ass out of there. He called him a dick and Ralph called him a dick. The two of them went at each other for a few seconds and John asked Howard if there was a reason that he was in there. John said that Ralph gives everyone a hard time so he's one to talk.
Howard said he likes all of this stuff, he thrives on it. He said he could listen to them fight all day long. He said he's happy when these guys are all ratting on each other and it's only going to get worse. John said that it was just a practical joke and he's not sure how this gets attached to work. He said Gary seems to have the authority to make his job miserable now.
Howard tried to wrap things up with the guys but John was rambling on and on. He eventually wrapped up the conversation and said that they were going to review some news.
On today's April Fools special they also played Crackhead Bob's prank call to a Chinese restaurant.
Bobo Tricked Into Thinking The World Was Ending. 01/02/13. 8:10am
Howard said his microphone is fucked up. He said that it's making noise. He said that's not annoying at all. Howard asked where that idiot Bobo is. Howard said he told him he's an idiot. Bobo was laughing. Howard said they shaved off his eyebrows last year and they're growing back funny. Bobo said he has more hair on his eyebrow than on his head.
Howard asked Bobo about the jacket he had on. He had Bobo and a Howard Stern patch sewed on. Howard said he's like a stalker in a way. Howard said he must want people to know who he is because he wears things with his name on them.
Howard asked Bobo about the world ending thing and what he thought when he came in there and they made it seem like it was going to end. Bobo said he loves the show and he didn't want to let the show down so he wasn't even going to come up there. He said Sal convinced him to go up there. He said his wife was upset that he was going to leave them alone at home after all of the stuff he did. Bobo said he felt bad about the whole thing but he did come up there.
Howard said that Bobo came in and Howard TV filmed him as they shook their floor to make him think the world was ending. Howard asked how they did that. Scott DePace said that they had an intern jump on the floor in Robin's booth. He said the floor is a floating floor and it shakes easily.
Howard said he told Bobo that the world wasn't going to end. Bobo said that he is done with this 2012 shit now. He said no more conspiracies anymore. He said he's done with all of that. Howard asked why he would believe this if he wasn't even into the Mayans. Bobo said he read books and watched TV shows about it. He said he skimmed through one book about it. He said he read the Cliff notes.
Howard said he has video of Bobo going crazy and freaking out when they fooled him in studio. Howard asked Bobo why he doesn't believe in Jesus instead of the Mayan god. Bobo said he does. Howard said he's fucked up. He said he should apologize to Jesus.
Howard tried playing a clip of Bobo in the studio on December 21st. It wasn't coming through on his board. Howard had to try something else. He had to pull the clip from somewhere else. Howard told Scott the Engineer not to bother coming in.
Howard played the clip where Bobo was doing a phony intro for a bit they came up with. Then they shook the floor and Bobo started freaking out. They told him to keep going. Bobo sounded like he was freaking out. The guys told Bobo to try again and they shook the floor again. He wasn't able to get his lines out. Sal told him to calm down. Then the lights go out and a message comes on saying that there are nuclear bombs heading to New York City from North Korea. Bobo said ''See, Bobo's not so stupid!'' Howard said he loves that line.
Howard played more of the clip and Sal said he wasn't able to get through to anyone on the phone. Bobo was freaking out and then another message came on saying that people should not move. Sal tried to get out of the studio but he pretended that the door was locked. Howard said Bobo must have been thinking about his family. Bobo said he was. Sal was screaming asking for someone to help. They eventually opened the door and Bobo ran out like he was running for the hills.
Howard asked where the rest of it was. It cut off when Bobo ran out. Sal came in and said that he had the studio from the studio but he didn't have the Howard TV audio. Howard said he's going to have to yell at Sal later. Howard said he saw that video and he didn't really think it through. He said he could have taken it so much further. Sal said he was really shook up after that. Howard said whenever he records something he should think about the angle. He said he should have audio from the hallway ready for him too. Sal said that Howard TV has it. Howard said he should go out on the street with Bobo and say that he's an idiot too.
Howard said Sal didn't plan an end so there really isn't one. Sal said there is more to it. Howard said the world didn't end but Sal's world is going to end. Sal said that he came in on a vacation day to do that. Howard said he should get no vacation days. He said he should be in there working on Saturday and Sunday.
Howard told Sal he's retarded and an idiot. Sal said Howard TV has the video. He said he had his part ready to go. Howard said he doesn't care whose part it is. Sal said he had his obligations done. Howard said he's a genius. Howard said he can't wait to see how he does when he leaves. Bobo said he thinks that his IQ just went up by 50 points. Howard said Sal goofed on him and he fell for it. Bobo said he can see how stupid Sal is for not getting that done though.
Howard said he called Gary about Sal not having an end game for the bit. He said he could have made it phenomenal. Gary said he talked to Sal about it this morning. He said he did a good job but he could have done a great job. Howard said this isn't like third grade trying to build someone up. He said this is a guy they pay. Gary said you can't kick him while he's down. Howard said he can call him an idiot. Gary said that's Howard's way and not his way.
Howard asked Jason if he thinks Sal is an idiot. Jason said that Sal didn't have a plan that morning. He said he was working that morning and they all hid in the office so Bobo wouldn't see them. He said he just gave up after that. They didn't have much of a plan.
Sal said he did have a plan. He said they had it all broken down. Sal said Bobo shit his pants and ran out of there. He said he executed the whole thing from top to bottom. Gary said he wrote the whole script. Howard asked Sal if he ever thought about what might happen and what else they could do. Sal said once he panicked they told him it was a joke. Howard said they could have had an agenda for him. He said they could have had him make a message for his family or something. Sal said they could have done more but they didn't.
Howard asked Sal what he learned from this. Sal said they should have come up with more. Howard said he should have had an end game. Sal said he knows what the end game is now. Howard said Sal should let the other shows get him. Sal said no one is asking. Howard sarcastically said he can't believe that. Howard said the bit was okay. Sal said some people thought it was great. Howard asked what he learned. Sal said that they captured his fear. He said that if they do another prank they'll get more. Howard asked Sal what he's going to do if they do it again. Sal said he's going to make sure they provide audio and outline the whole thing. Howard said that's not what he's looking for. Sal said he wants to get more audio and ask more about the family and things like that. Howard said this is radio so the audience can't see anything. He said Sal failed with this bit. He said he failed the team. Sal said he doesn't think so. Howard said he's telling him he did. Sal said he did his best. Howard said he's not learning and giving him confidence.
Howard told Sal what to say to him. He said that he should write this down. Howard said he should write down ''What is the end game?'' Howard said he has to scare Bobo but then what? He has to get him talking. Howard said he could ask him a question because he's Bobo. Howard asked Sal what he learned. Sal said that he's going to tell himself what he has to do. Howard said he has to do this stuff before the prank. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that he's getting it. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Sal told Howard that Howard TV has the rest of the audio. Howard said Sal didn't get that because he thinks that's not his job. Sal said that's not what he said. He said that he just got the audio and the other stuff wasn't available to him.
Howard asked Bobo if he gets it. Bobo told Sal what he thinks he should have done. He basically repeated what Howard just said about the end game.
Howard asked Robin to get him out of this. Robin said they have the Howard TV audio to play now. Howard asked if they had it. Scott asked for them to give him a second. Scott played the audio of Bobo and Sal running out of the studio and trying to get out of the building. Sal said they told them to stay in the building. Bobo was still freaking out and said he had matches with him to tell which way the wind is blowing. He was breathing heavy and saying his wife was right and he shouldn't have come there. Howard had the guys back it up a little bit so he could hear the audio again. Robin was talking over it so he had to hear it again.
Bobo was talking about how he wants to die there if he has to die anywhere. Sal said he has kids and he can't believe he's talking about dying there. Boob said he was hyper ventilating. He said those fucking sneaks in North Korea are lunatics. Bobo had to breathe into a paper bag. He said he had to pick his kid up at school. Howard said that was Bobo breathing into a bag. He said it's great on TV.
Howard asked if the bag helped. Bobo said it did. He said it has a calming effect. Bobo said nothing real was going to help him that day.
Howard said that's going to be on Howard TV and you can see all of that. He said Sal did a good job but not a great job with the bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves this bit and it has to be in the Best of 2013 next time they're on Christmas vacation.
Howard said that they have a sandwich board for Bobo to wear. It says ''I am a moron. I thought the world was going to end.'' Will said that Bobo agreed to wear his toupee on top of the dunce cap too. Howard said he has to do that. Bobo said he didn't know he had to do that. Bobo pulled off his toupee and it wasn't coming off easily. It was glued on. Robin said ''Oh my god! Wow!'' when he took it off. Howard laughed. Howard said his whole face is tan but the skin on his head is pink.
Howard had Bobo put on his dunce cap and put the toupee on top of that. Howard said the toupee is on top now. He said that way he doesn't feel totally bald. Howard asked what he's going to say to the people on the street. Bobo said he's going to tell them that he's an idiot and he thought the world was going to end.
Bobo asked if he has a prize for him because he wants to take his kid to Disney. Gary said they don't have any prizes right now. Howard said Bobo can play a game later in the year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't deserve a prize for that. Howard had Bobo go down to the street while they waited. Howard said they have a microphone down there. Howard said maybe Sal wasn't that bad. He said the end was pretty funny. He said maybe he was a little hard on Sal.
Robin said they could have had Sal ask for a blow job from Bobo before the world ends. She said Bobo blowing into that bag was the best. She said it wasn't a great prank because you don't have to do anything elaborate to fool Bobo. Howard said all they did was turn the lights out and have an announcement saying that the world was ending.
Howard took a call from a CWB who said that the bit was pretty good. He said it was better than Gary the Retard going to the moon. Howard said Gary got scared during that one. Howard said with Bobo it was just the lights going out. Howard said in Sal's defense he doesn't think that anyone believed Bobo would fall for it.
Howard asked if they have the clip cued up from where Bobo started freaking out. Gary said they needed 2 seconds. Howard TV had the clip a couple of seconds later. Bobo was freaking out and saying that things were falling down. Nothing was falling down. Sal told him to just sit tight. They replayed the part where Bobo talked about dirty bombs and the matches he brought with him.
Howard said that was Bobo experiencing the end of the world. Gary said that hey need 15 seconds to get to Bobo down on the street. Howard said he's wearing a dunce cap and a sign saying he's dumb and that he believed the world was going to end. Bobo went to people on the street telling them how he thought the world was going to end. He was interviewing people asking if they thought the world was going to end too. A few people walked right by him. A couple of women said that they didn't think it was going to end.
Bobo said no one wanted to talk. Howard said it's a guy with a dunce cap on. Howard said he thinks he's had enough. Howard told the guys to just have him walk up and down the street and take the microphone away. Howard turned the microphone off. Howard said that was Bobo's end of the world. Howard said people were walking into traffic to get away from him. He said they should have him walk home like that. It should take him like 3 days.
Howard said that was the end of the world prank on Bobo. Robin said they fooled Sal that time with his announcement that he was leaving radio. Howard said they should replay that. He said they could do this bit with Bobo in two weeks and he'd fall for it again. He said this time they'll do it with an end game.
On today's special they also played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a restaurant using clips of Howard doing impressions of his parents talking about their favorite yogurt toppings.
Today's special was over around 10:45am.
Gary said Howard is obsessed with the roasts. He said he loves them. Gary asked if Justin Bieber is an easy topic. Chris said this is the first roast he's done. He said he's not really a roast guy. He said that he doesn't know these other guys. Chris said he didn't know if he'd want to do one but he kind of knows Bieber. He said he did the roast and he's not sure if he'd do another one.
Jon asked how he knows Justin Bieber. Chris said Justin is just a fan of his. He said he'd come see him at the Laugh Factory. He said one night they said that he was coming in and the owner said Justin wanted him to bring him on stage and make fun of him. Chris said he didn't believe that. He said Justin came back and said he thought it would be cool to do that. Chris said he did take it easy on him there but not on the Comedy Central roast.
Jon asked about the roasters and how that odd collection came about. Chris said that it was fucking weird. He said he was nervous about doing that and not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.
Gary said they did roasts there when they got to Sirius. He said they had quite a line up and they were pretty brutal. Jon said he gives Bieber credit for taking all of that. Jon said you don't know how well some of those other guys are going to take it.
Gary said when they did their roasts he knew he was going to have a lot of teeth jokes. He said what it turned into was a lot of roasting of Robin.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon also said they have a poll up today. He asked Rahsaan what they have. Rahsaan said they're asking which prank you enjoyed the most today. The choices are:
Jon said Gary was part of most of the pranks that were on today. Gary said they didn't play the one that bothers him the most. He said that they went out to L.A. once and they came back on the Red Eye. Gary said this woman calls up and tells a story about how she met him on a train and goes on to say that he date raped her. Gary said that Howard kept looking at him like he didn't know what to say. Then they revealed it was April 1st.
Jon said everyone likes a prank as long as you're not the one being pranked. Chris said he doesn't mess around with pranks. He said he always feels like he can take it but maybe someone else can't. He said he doesn't want someone else to look stupid or feel stupid.
Jon said they know from this show is that you don't want to prank Howard. Jon said if you heard the Richard Christy prank you'll know that. He said Howard doesn't want to be messed with. He said he has a feeling that Howie Mandel is going to try something some day even though he has been warned. Gary said Howard said that he'll punch Howie right in the face if he does something to him. Jon said Howie might view that as a successful prank.
Jon said his favorite of today was the Sal prank when Howard said he was retiring. Jon said Sal started crying and said he didn't know what he was going to do. Jon said Sal has pranked people before so he had it coming. Chris said that's why he doesn't prank.
Gary said that he pranked Stuttering John once and fired him. He said John got into the fetal position being so upset. Gary said he didn't care though because he had screwed him over so much. Gary said John really did mess with him a lot and it upset up. Chris said he would feel so bad if he did something like that to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the stock broker made him any money that week that he pranked him. The caller also asked if anyone will have the balls to prank Howard in L.A. today.
Gary said he doesn't think he lost or made much money with Benny. He said he wasn't even sure he was a real stockbroker. Gary said after that guy he got out of it for a while. Jon said he doesn't think anyone will prank Howard this week. He said he knows people do it to lighten the mood but Howard isn't in a good mood this week. Gary said if someone fireable does it then they'll be fired. He said that he'll sit down anyone else and say it's bullshit. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon said that Chris was on the show Whitney with Whitney Cummings. Gary said she said that she was working 15-16 hours a day and she would get confused about Chris being more of her boyfriend than her real boyfriend. Chris said that Whitney was thinking about him while he was on the set and off. He said that she's on set and the boyfriend isn't there and he is. He said they talked about real stuff. He said they ended up breaking up but he doesn't think it had to do with him. Chris said it's a weird thing being that. He said he and Whitney are really close anyway. He said they were playing scenes where they were cuddling and kissing. Jon asked if that messes with your mind. Chris said she's a sexy girl but he's pretty good at just looking at it as a job. He said nothing happened between them so it worked. Gary asked if they ever went out just for fun. Chris said Whitney doesn't have fun, she just works.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Chris is really against hecklers at comedy shows. He asked if he drinks at all. Chris said he doesn't drink or do drugs and he never has. Chris said he's never had a drink. Gary said he's like JD before JD got to them. Jon asked how he deals with hecklers. Chris said he may get heckled more than the average comedian. He said it's so disrespectful to the people who paid for a show. He said it doesn't matter if it's positive or negative. He said there's a video online of a guy yelling out he loves him but he shut him down. He said it's just not cool to do that.
Gary said Jackie used to love hecklers until he didn't. He said he would shut them down. He said he had a million lines for them. He said then it would go on too long and Jackie would call over the bouncer and it would fuck up the whole vibe of the show.
Chris said he's always working on his material and it's being at work. He said hecklers think they're helping the show. Chris said last night he did a show and a woman stood up and said something. Then he asked her to stand up and say what she wanted and she didn't say anything. Chris said she eventually stood up and said that Martha Stewart was going to stab him. Chris said then she posted on Instagram saying that he can't take a joke. Chris said what she did wasn't funny. He said he made it funny because she fucked up the show. He said he blocked her on Instagram because of that.
Jon said he's right. He said they want to be a part of the show. Chris said people put it under the guise that they're joking. He said just yelling out ''fuck you'' isn't a joke. He said people are paying to see the comedian they paid to see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's voting for the Sal breaking down prank. He said it gets to him every time they play it too. He said he has been involved in pranks like that and he can feel both ends of it.
Gary said the whole thing is so real and sincere. He said when Howard tells Sal he's done the tears come down like someone turned on a faucet. Gary said that he felt for him but he also thought about all of the times he pranked him.
Jon said that prank could have gone on for days. He said Howard eventually breaks down and lets him in on it. He said he figured he was going to have a meltdown. Gary said stringing it out the right amount of time works the best and Howard seems to know what that amount of time is.
Jon gave Chris some plugs and wrapped up with him. They went to break after that.
Jon asked what makes a prank great. Gary said it has to be clever. He said calling someone and telling them their aunt died is just stupid. He said you have to be able to hook the person in to believe it. Gary said that's why the Sal pranks work. He said he falls for them hook, line and sinker. Jon said that it amazes him that some people don't realize it's being done to them. He said with Sal he was shocked he didn't realize it or have a clue.
Gary said you think back to the Sal prank you'd think there would be more going on than there was. He said Howard was quitting radio after 29 years and it was just business as usual. Jon said it went over his head. Jon said Sal is just thinking about Sal. He's not thinking beyond that. Jon said Bobo also came into the studio and fell for that prank. He said you realize how dedicated he is as a fan. Gary said he really is an extreme fan.
Gary said Bobo always talks about how long he's been doing it. Jon said that with a prank you need an end game for it. He said as you listen today you'll hear things like that.
Gary said Sal has been begging to do a prank for years. He said he always says no to it. Gary said his son Lucas is 17 now. He said Sal wanted to start this when he was about 12. He wanted Lucas to call them and then they'd call Mary. Gary said Lucas would say he's at school and his teacher has him stuck in a closet and the teacher is touching him in an inappropriate way. Gary said he asked Sal if he wants him to get divorced. Gary said he turned it around on Sal and Sal said no to his son doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said all of the pranks were great today. He asked about the time Russ Saulsberg shut down the channel 9 show. Gary said he doesn't remember that. The caller said the show was about to come on and Russ was there instead. He said he came on and said the show had been shut down. Gary said he doesn't remember that one. Jon didn't either.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that going to 7 o'clock really fucked his whole day up. He said he has to drive and pick people up. He said he used to listen to the show live but now he can't hear that. Jon said if he gets the app then he can listen whenever he wants. Jon said he's not going to miss anything that way. The caller said it's always nice to have it on live when he's driving. He said the show keeps him awake and entertained.
Jon said he's sorry it's fucking his whole day up but he can listen On Demand. Jon said that most people are happy with the 7am start. Gary said the thing is that it makes Howard happier and that's what counts.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll were today. Rahsaan said the winner, with 47 percent of the votes, was Howard telling Sal he was retiring. Jon said they were going to leave the poll up for a little longer to get more votes. He got in a plug for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 11:25am.
Gary said that Michael is saying that he doesn't want to be linked to Bobo. Michael said that's not so bad. He said this is the Howard Stern Wrap Up Show and the best they can do is give him a gift bag with shit lotion, lip balm, a key chain, a medium sized t-shirt, some socks, an iPhone case for an iPhone 3... He asked what's up with that. Jon asked what they should have. Michael said they should ask about what size t-shirt he wears. He said there is no love or sincerity in that bag. He said they have a bendy Howard Stern cap that even Robert Durst wouldn't wear if he was trying to get out of this country. He said they need to upgrade this shit and personalize it. Michael said they have Tommy John as a sponsor. He said they should give that stuff away. Michael asked what this shit is.
Gary asked if Michael drinks. Michael said he doesn't but he'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker. He said at least he could sell that or give it to someone. Gary said they used to give that away but not anymore. Michael said that this is a staple of Americana and they should give away great gifts. He said it's like a self esteem thing for them.
Jon said they can give him some personalized pictures. Michael said he'll bring that to his cabin and use it to start fires.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. They also have a poll up asking if you'll watch High Pitch Eric if he's on Blue Bloods. He had Rahsaan give the details on that.
Gary said High Pitch Eric emailed him this morning. He said he's the go between with the Blue Bloods people. Gary said they are working on getting Eric in sometime next week. Gary said Eric asked when he has to be there. He said Eric has emailed him 9 times since 8:30 this morning. He said he doesn't know what to wear or where to be. Jon said he's excited. He said he kind of gets that. Gary asked if he's the new Eric the Actor. Jon said he could be.
Jon asked Michael how he would react if Eric showed up on his set. Michael said he'd be excited. He said he thinks Eric would be good. He said his voice would be captivating. Jon asked how he'd use him on a show. Michael said he can't be a cop. He said he has that voice but he can't be a cop on a drama. He said maybe on a comedy. He said maybe he can be a methadone dealer or something like that. He said Eric could be someone being taken advantage of or selling drugs. He could be selling that ass too.
Jon said he thought Eric did good with Donnie. Gary said he thinks so too. Gary said that the guys called him and asked for a picture of Eric. He said he thought he might be able to make him an extra cop. He said the guy got the picture and said they're going to do it another day because the squad room isn't very big. Jon said that might not be the best role for him. He said it's a serious cop drama. Jon said he'd love to see him do a scene with Tom Selleck. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Michael said that Gary is his guy but he will always be Fafa Fooey and Baba Booey. Gary asked if he gets a bad feeling that he beat him in the football pool. Michael said he thinks he dominated the league himself. He said he has a movie coming out and the podcast to talk about. He said he flew across the country to collect his money. He said Kaplan never paid him. He said he didn't want it Paypal'd to him. He said that he should send him a check or something. He said he came there to collect today. He said he's still waiting to collect. He asked where the fuck it is. Gary said it's coming.
Gary said that being the commissioner of their league sucks and it drove Will into the ground and now it's driving Jason into the ground. Gary said he got his winnings that following Monday when he walked in. He works there though.
Michael said that Jason is coming now. He said it's in ones. He asked about his air fare too. Jason said they talked over email and he said he could Paypal it and Michael said he's up there all the time. Michael said he came in second and all of the energy he put into the league is worth something. He asked how you even collect Paypal money. Jason said it shows up in your bank account. Michael said he wants the cash. Jason said he had to remind him that they owed him money. Michael said it's $200 and the purse is so shitty. He asked how they're going to up the ante. Jason said they're going to talk about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why he's being so mean to Gary and Jon. He said he didn't get good gifts because he's not famous. Michael went off on the guy calling him a fuckin' hill Billy. The caller said no one likes him. He said he's so annoying and they shouldn't have him back on the show. Jon hung up on that guy and asked Gary if he thinks Michael has had a thing for him for a long time. Gary said Michael is the quintessential New Yorker. He is who he is. He's a ball breaking New Yorker. He said that's why half the country hates New York though.
Michael said anyone who takes him serious has to be a back woods fuck. He said that they should change the channel. He said they don't get the essence of the Stern Show. Gary said it took him a few times to figure out that he was fucking around. Gary said he wanted to go the other way not to deal with it. He said he gets it now. Michael didn't remember seeing him. Gary reminded him about when he did that and he remembered.
Michael said the essence of the show is ball breaking. He said Gary's fame is based on ball breaking. He said that was the beauty of the ball breaking. Gary said he's on the wrong end of it though. Michael said of course he is. Michael said he retweets the bad tweets. He said that's what you have to do. Michael said he threatened everyone last night in email but they get that it's all fun and games.
Gary said not everyone understands it. Michael said there are times when Howard would go off on people and they don't take it personal. Michael said his breaking his balls is a term of endearment. He said that he's not going to come up there and talk about Madonna on the show.
Gary said he got into it with Leah Remini years ago on the phone. He said they ended up yelling and arguing and it turns out she was just kidding. He said she had to ask if he knew she was kidding. Michael said he can't believe he has to explain himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to talk about AGT. He said he's not sure how they can stand it. He said it's perpetual with the complaining and travel and all of that. He said it's really old. He said Howard sounds angry and frustrated. He said he's not sure how they can stand it. Jon said if Howard was doing anything, not just AGT, he'd be miserable and cranky. He said that's what you love about the show. Gary said they're leaving out the previous 33 years when Howard was cranky with the staff about things every month. The caller said Howard signed up for this. Gary said he thinks Howard regrets it now. The caller said when Howard signed on again he called in and asked Howard why he did it. He said he takes it like Howard can control things on the show but not with AGT. Gar said that's one of the reasons he does that show. He doesn't have to control anything. Gary said he thinks Howard is conflicted. Jon said Howard is in the middle of hell week but after a little time he'll be fine. Jon asked if Michael can relate to that. Michael said he can. He said he thinks that the thing a New York Jew does is complain about things. He said he bets Howard will do it again next year. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon said Howard will be fine when they get to the live shows. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Rude Jude was in last week and he gets accused of speaking a certain way. He asked if Michael gets that too. Michael said he made a documentary about A Tribe called Quest and he grew up in the streets of New York playing basketball. He said all of his friends were black kids. He said if you grew up around that then you're going to sound like them. He said it is what it is. He said sometimes his father tells him he sounds good on TV and things. He really doesn't give it that much thought. Michael said he was exposed to rap and hip hop as a kid. He said his father used to run WKTU there. He said his name was David Rapaport. Gary said that's where they went when they switched to K-Rock. Michael said before they were disco they were mellow 92. He said his dad was the button pusher when they switched to disco. He said then in 1979 his dad brought home Rapper's Delight and that's how he was exposed to rap. Michael said it's not like it is now when you can download what you want. He said he just fell in love with that album from day one.
Jon said Donnie Wahlberg was telling them stories about being sent to a black neighborhood and how he got into hip hop. He said Donnie is proud of that. Gary said that he's just telling people how he grew up. Michael said he's not from a tough neighborhood but his friends are. He said when you're 12 you don't even think about that.
Jon and Michael spent a little more time talking about hip hop and all of that. Gary said they had Coolio on the show when Gangsta's Paradise was number 1. He said they do dabble in having them on the show. Michael said he'd love for them listen to a hip hop play list and hear the good stuff. Michael kept pushing A Tribe Called Quest during the discussion.
Gary told Michael to make him a list and he'll listen to it. Gary asked Michael about Chet Haze and if he has sympathy for him. Michael said he thinks he's just a fucking clown. He said he can love the music just like anyone else but he just sounds off the fucking wall.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary gets pissed that Howard clears his throat at least 7 times during the show. Gary said no but he does hear it. Michael said Woody Allen does that too. He said that it's a New York Jew thing. He said they have phlegm. Michael said he's Jewish too and it's just a thing they do.
Jon asked Gary what would happen if he pointed that out to Howard. Gary said that he'd tell him to shut the fuck up. Gary said Howard is on the air and he has no time to clear it anywhere else.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Michael is fucking hilarious. He said he has him going and he's been a fan for over 20 years.
Gary said Michael's fight with Spike Lee was great. Michael said that his father told him that he sounded like an asshole. He said he and Spike made up. He said he called him and made up. He said he does mean a lot to him as a film maker.
Jon took a call from a guy who said a Tribe Called Quest is nowhere near as mainstream as the Beastie Boys. Michael said he's trippin. Michael asked what his three favorite rap groups are. The caller said NWA is the only one he listens to. Michael said he can't listen to this guy. He ran down a list of groups that he likes. Gary said some are way bigger than others. Gary said he has the passion though. He said that it's hard to understand that not everyone likes it as much as he does. Michael said he gets it. He said this is the last great form of music that was created in America. He said that EDM shit isn't music. Gary said he's exposed to that and he can understand why people would hate it but it's not all bad.
Jon said they had to wrap up the show. He had Rahsaan give the results of the poll. He said that 87 percent of the votes for watching Eric on Blue Bloods were yes.
Jon gave Michael some plugs and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:30am.
Gary said that first hour of the show can be the most frightening too. He said that they never know where it's going to go. Jon said that they are in there before the show and they still have no idea how Howard is going to start the show. Gary said there are other days when they start to chat and Howard is in the middle of the chat when he starts the show. He said he's amazed at how something like that can get on the air and turn into something.
Jon said Howard will sometimes just bring up Gary clearing his throat. He said that's what Jason looks forward to and Gary dreads. Jason said he loves just hearing them talking about this right now. Jason did an impression of Gary and Jon talking about the minutia that happens on the show.
Jon said he likes his impression of him more than Gary. Jason said he's just ripping off Sour Shoes' impression.
Gary said that the whole George Takei ''Guacamole'' thing came from Howard noticing that he was eating guacamole. Jason said he loves it when Gary stands up to Howard. Gary said he's the one. Jason said he has a real kinship with Gary. He said he would mess up at the Mets game like Gary did. He said he loves Sal because he's such a mess. Jon said they could do a whole hour on Sal. Gary said they could do an hour on every person on the show. Gary said JD comes in first thing in the morning and then he garbles things and Howard just stares at him. He said JD will say ''What? What?'' and Howard just stares at him. Jon said then JD will start laughing because he's being stared at.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. He said some of that stuff was stuff they played on Wednesday during the April Fools day special.
Jon said he wants to start off talking about Richard's guinea pig Taco dying. Jon said pets can be like your kids. He said that Richard spent a fortune on that pet. He said you can laugh at him but you feel bad for Richard at the same time. Gary said that Richard can break really quick. He said that he'll be moved by a song. Gary said he's as emotional as Richard but not in public. Gary said he thinks Richard is a really good guy. He said he's willing to cry in public.
Jon said Richard has cried over a lot of stuff. He said you wonder if he was really upset or is he just a really emotional guy. Gary said he can't speak because he has a dog and it's going to kill him when the dog dies. He said if you're attached then you're attached.
Jason said that it pisses him off when Richard cries. He said that he's very selfish. He said Richard will wear a diaper at a concert. He said this is a work place and that puts the whole thing on you and it's very self indulgent. Jon asked Jason if Sal is the same then. Jason said that's a good question. He said that was his job, wife and kids he was crying over. Jon said that this was a pet. Jason said it's a rodent though. Jon said he had a camera on that thing when he'd go away. He said that's how much he loved Taco. Jason said if he started to cry in front of Howard he'd walk out of the room. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Gary said he's into Instagram lately. He said the thing that bothers him is people who say ''look at those teeth.'' He said that it's the lack of creativity that bothers him. He said the teeth comments aren't so bad but the lack of creativity is. Gary said there's a book out by this guy who wrote about how people call for your death when you do something wrong online. Jason said that the whole Trevor Noah thing blew up really quick. Gary said if something is taken out of context it can be really bad. Jon said that you pay more attention to Trevor now and you wonder if it's phony controversy. Jason said it all starts with some freelancer writer who wants to make a name off of that name. Jason said it's a whole culture of making a living by being offended. Gary said he has been pitched guests in that way. He said they'll get a request to put someone on who did something to screw someone over.
Jon said that you can see 100 comments and 99 are positive but then you only end up seeing that one negative one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to take care of Jason's dog. The caller said he can't believe he finally got through. He said he's going to be up there on April 20th because he bought a charity thing. He asked Gary if he is ever planning on writing another book. He asked if he thinks Howard would write another foreword for him. Gary said Howard was talking about what he hates to do more and he thinks that Howard forgot that he didn't write one for him. Jon said Gary didn't ask Howard to write one. Jon said he wrote one for Greg Fitzsimmons and one for Artie but not for Gary. Gary said he probably won't write another book. He said he's not looking to write another one because it would be about the show.
Jon asked if Gary was shocked that Howard hated writing those forewords so much. Gary said he's sure that someone will think that Howard would do it for them. He said he can't wait to see who it is. Jason said maybe Jimmy Kimmel. Gary said he thinks Howard would do that. Jon asked if Jackie would ask. Gary said he may have when he was with them. He said he doesn't think he'd do that now.
Jon took a call from a guy who was taking shots at King of All Blacks and not getting to his question. Jon asked if he just wanted to spend his time talking about that instead. The caller said they were talking about Howard's poop and the floating poop and stuff. He said he wonders if Howard is going to be worried about that after that discussion. Gary said he was surfing the web during that discussion and now he's pretty educated in it as well. Gary said he knows why diarrhea happens now. Gary said he saw the floating doody thing and he thinks that it will be in Howard's head now. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a woman who said every time Gary says ''Hello, hello, hello'' she wants to punch him. Jason said that she must not be a fan because it's only ''Hello, hello.'' Gary said that he is goofing on his love tape. He said that he has never said that in his life other than on that tape. He's not sure why he even said it that day. Gary said he's never used that phrase in his life. Jason said fans would lose the shorthand of the show if he stopped using it. The caller said she understands it now and now she loves it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves Jason's Vines. Jason and the caller spent a minute talking about one of the characters he does. The caller said he was wondering if Bobo is really jealous of Howard spending so much time with Hanzi. Jon said he thinks that he is. He said that any minute Howard isn't spending with Bobo is a minute that Bobo is going to be upset.
Jon asked Jason what he thinks about Bobo. Jason said he's not sure what he looks like but he pictures him in his car making the calls with that hair piece on. Jason said that he was also thinking about High Pitch Eric's appearance the other day and how he realized that Eric the Actor is gone now. He said other people are going to fall into that space and get those jobs.
Jason said someone just handed him a picture of Bobo and he looks like Kevin Nealon's retarded brother or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Sal would be okay if Howard retired now. Gary said he thinks there are very few people who can not work when Howard retires. Gary said he knows Sal has been working on it. He said he thinks he got his wife to stop spending so much money. Gary said if the show ended tomorrow then hopefully Sal has some money in the bank. Jason said there is no way he saved a penny. Jon said he thinks he agrees with Jason. Jon said he hasn't heard Sal complain about his financial problems. He said he may have just stopped talking about it. Jason said he's never going to be good with it himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how many times he's been pranked by people on the show. Gary said there are a lot of phony phone calls. He went through a few other things that he's been pranked on and came up with about 3 or so. Gary said they are always on the lookout for it on the show.
The caller asked how gun shy he is about it. Gary said if something is too good to be true then it probably is. He said you have to think about it when someone offers you something. He said the prank has to be more clever than just hitting you over the head.
Jason asked if anyone has pranked Howard. Jon said there have been a couple and Howard wasn't happy about them. Jon said that's when Howard said no one pranks him but he can prank them.
Jason asked about where Ronnie is at and why he's not out doing more stuff. Jon said he still does stuff but he thinks he knows where his bread is buttered so he's out in L.A. with Howard this week while Howard is doing AGT.
Jason asked why Sal says things about other races and sounds racist trying to say nice things. Jon said Sal doesn't think he's racist in the slightest. Gary said Sal also just learned those things a week ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think if Howard doesn't sign again will Sal believe it or will he think they're just fucking around. Jon said he hopes that he will play that angle with them all. He said he thinks Sal will be freaking out.
Jason said if he could talk to Howard he'd ask him why he doesn't retire. He said he complains about it a lot. He said he knows it would kill their jobs but he should just go sit on a beach.
Gary said they have talked to Howard about that. He said that Howard likes doing the show but not every minute of it. Gary said it's a hard thing to stop doing something that has become such a part of your life. Gary said that this defines who he is. He said he's not sure Howard would be happy to just sit around playing chess and drawing. Gary said Howard may not be ready to pull the pin yet. Jon said that it would be good to go out on a high but it's a part of him. He said he likes doing his thing on the mic. He said he doesn't want Howard to keep going just for them. He said maybe he will do a shorter schedule or something. He said he's not sure what the future would hold. Jason said he likes the show so much he'd still stick with it if Howard went to 2 days a week.
Jon gave Jason some plugs and some Sternthology and Scott Weiland special plugs before ending the show around 11:45am.