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Howard started the show asking Robin how she's doing. He said he had her gift to bring in but he didn't feel like bringing it today so he'll do it tomorrow. He said it's a big bag and he thought about getting someone to help him. He said he has to get a truck to carry it in. He said she'll get it tomorrow or Wednesday.
Howard said that Wednesday will be the final show. Howard said people want to know if it's going to be their last show. He played a bit they created for their final show with all kinds of special guests they'd have on.
After that Howard said he'd like to know what's happening. He said he has left his decisions up to his agent Don and he is working on this or not. He said he told him not to even bother him with it. He said they'll have to see what happens. He said Wednesday could be the final show. Robin asked if they don't have an answer then what happens. Howard said they'll just go away. Howard played a song parody about the possibility of the show ending... or not. The song asked what Howard could be doing after Wednesday.
Howard said goodbye to Benjy and JD. Robin asked how this is for everyone not knowing. Howard said he's glad that Benjy looks homeless already with that beard he has. Benjy said he has 5 bucks coming in. Howard didn't get that. Robin said he's saying that someone thought he was homeless.
Howard said on Wednesday they have a big Christmas special coming up. He said last week he played some of that last week. He said it's a format where he's all alone and Robin comes in and calms him down with a song and then more people come to the door. He said it'll be all surprises. Howard said at one point Big Foot shows up and breaks into a song. Howard played the song that he sang called ''Jerk My Balls.'' Howard said he has 4 songs in the special. Howard said that he has a little bit more of his stuff to play. He played another song parody where Big Foot sang about wiping his ass with a squirrel and things like that. Howard said even if it's the last show everyone will love it.
Howard said Big Foot has a song about his Scabies too. He played that one which was to the tune of ''Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.'' Howard said he has a big number when he sings ''It's the Most Wonderful Time To Fuck a Deer.'' Howard played some of that too. Howard said they're going to give them the worst Christmas special so you won't miss when they're gone.
Howard said they'll also have a special which is called 10 Years Of Satellite Radio during their 2 weeks toward the end of the year.
Howard took a call from a guy who was on speaker phone so he asked him to get off of that. The caller asked about getting a Flat Ronnie. Howard said there are all kinds of Flat Ronnie's out there. Howard said they have 40 life size Flat Ronnie's there and they'll be given out to people who have high visibility. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel has reached out and he'll get one because he'll put it on his set. Natalie Maines is getting one. Howard said she's taking Flat Ronnie out on tour. Howard said others may go to people like Joey Boots. Howard said they also have magnet Flat Ronnie that can be held up. He said that's about the size of your arm. Howard said that you can make your own by going on HowardStern.com some time soon. Howard said that Ted Cruz is taking Flat Ronnie out. Howard said that everyone loves Flat Ronnie. Howard played a song parody about Flat Ronnie.
Howard played a phony phone call that Chris Wilding made to a radio show as a woman telling them that his husband always calls her Flat Ronnie. He had clips of Howard talking about Flat Ronnie that he played for that radio show. The host tried to get him to call her ''Flattering Ronnie.'' They went to break after that. They played an Underdog Lady clip as they were going to break.
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Howard said his dad never showed much emotion but they saw Damn Yankees and this guy becomes young again to play baseball. Then he sings that song to his wife. Howard said his dad would start singing the song to his mom when he went to work and he'd get upset when he heard his dad singing that. Howard said he was singing about leaving for good and his dad enjoyed making him get upset. Howard said he has such a dysfunctional family. Howard said it must have made his dad feel loved that he cried over it. Howard said it was so wrong. Howard said they played it out because they had fun with it. Howard said they got a reaction out of him and kept doing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that people are getting over accusing him of wearing a wig and now they're saying he wears dentures. Howard said that makes sense. He said he had a guy working in his house years ago and the guy reported that he had denture tablets in his house. He said he has a retainer he wears at night because his mother never believed in dentists or braces. He said he has so much shit in his mouth that he'd be better off with dentures. Howard said his teeth are so fucked up so he has to wear a piece of plastic so his lower teeth don't pound into his upper teeth. Howard said this guy working in his house reported he had dentures in the house but it was for soaking his piece of plastic in there.
Howard said he had to go to the dentist on Wednesday because he was chewing gum and his teeth were banging into each other so he's in pain. Howard said his mother was so against going to the dentist and he gets why. He said she mistrusts everyone. Howard said when he had cavities he had to get fillings and his mother thought the Novocaine would kill him so she didn't let him get it. Howard said they drilled into his head without Novocaine. He said that it's nothing to get the shots now. He said that he doesn't feel any pain in there. He said he was raised having a dentist drill his head without anything. Howard said nothing hurts now. He said he likes the feel of getting a tattoo. He said his mom thinks she did him a favor now.
Howard said they're trying to save his two front teeth because they get hammered when he speaks. Robin asked if he can get braces now. Howard said that he can't do that. He said he'd look like such a dick. He said that should have happened when he was like 10. He said he's so angry at his mother for that. He said she didn't let him get braces. He said that there was a girl in the neighborhood who had braces and his mom said that her teeth were loose. Howard said that he remembers Dr. Aronson who tried to tell his mom to let him have Novocaine and she'd just say no. Howard said his mom was convinced that it was the work of the devil.
Howard said that his hair and teeth are real. He said his ears are fake though. He said he sees a lot of speculation about his hair but he hadn't heard the teeth thing. Howard thanked the guy for his call and let him go. Robin said they have invisible braces now. Howard said he gives up and it's just the way it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he can't know what he's doing. Howard said he really doesn't know. Howard said when he has an announcement he'll make it. He said he hopes to have one but he doesn't have one yet. Robin said that the two month long goodbye at Letterman was so depressing. The caller asked if he would want to have a big final show. Howard said he would love that but his carer doesn't seem to go that way. Howard said there are a lot of people out there who want him to work for them. He said that he is very grateful for his carer. Howard said it always seems to go that things can't quite be worked out and he's trying to figure it all out. Then time runs out. Howard said he saw something on the news where they say that he waits until the last minute. Howard said he would have signed on 2 years ago if something could have been worked out. Howard said he doesn't know exactly what's going to happen. He said things could change tonight but he doesn't know for sure. He said he really doesn't know what's happening. He said he says that with all honesty. Howard said Robin was on The Talk last week preparing for this. Howard said he thought she was terrific on that show.
Howard said Robin was on The Talk doing a news story. He played some audio of that. Howard said that Robin is getting ready for incase they're leaving. Howard said Robin read a story about Khloe Kardashian not making a pie she brought to some event. Robin said she used to do that too.
Howard said Gary immediately contacted him after that. Howard said Gary was invited to Robin's once when this happened. Gary said that this was the time that he saw Robin's giant picture of herself too. He said that Robin never said she cooked it and she never said she didn't. He said he didn't know that Robin could cook. He said that he went to get water and he saw the tins from the restaurant in the kitchen. Robin said that is not true. Robin said she hid those tins. Gary said maybe he threw something in the garbage but he saw the tins.
Howard asked Robin if she ever did that with him. Robin said she never did. Robin said that she doesn't do that on a weekend. Robin said she may have planned something and it was too much so she went to the market and got some good food. Robin said she thinks maybe she had implied she was making dinner and she didn't do it. Howard asked why he'd do that for Baba Booey. Gary said it was Fred and Jackie too. Howard asked Robin to think about it and give a good answer at the end of the show. Robin said that she thought they'd like what she did and they were all impressed. Howard said that's so sad. Robin said it's just like what Khloe did. Howard said poor Robin. He said he has to give her a hug later. He said she doesn't have to impress anyone, especially Jackie. Robin said Gary was really carrying on. Howard played a song parody about Robin from Psych. Howard said it was in honor of the death of Scott Weiland.
Jason said sometimes when a comic comes out they have variant covers for the same comic. He said for Dark Knight 3 they have 85 different covers. He said that it's a bunch of different artists who did the covers. Howard said Jason came to him and told that DC Comics was working with them and he still doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Howard said the guys in the office think Jason is the only one who cares about this. Howard said there is one cover that's in the stores. Jason said there is one main cover. They have 85 covers they came up with and all of them are available in this contest. He said you can't get them in any one place. He said it's very hard to get all 85. Jason said even if you're not into the comics it's worth entering. Jason said that some of these are selling for a couple hundred dollars. He said that no one has all 85 in one box.
Jason said they'll pick someone at random and they'll get all 85. Howard said that he'd throw them right in the garbage himself. He said that his cousin Jack used to paint all of the covers. He said he understands it's a big deal. Howard said he wishes Jason got this excited about exercise. He asked Jason if he worked out at all over the weekend. Jason said he got up and walked around his house and back yard. He said he spent time outside cleaning up his back yard. Howard said that's not really exercise. Jason said he moved stuff off his deck so he thought he needed a break.
Howard said he's sure that Les Moonves is telling people that it wasn't his idea to bring Colbert there. Howard said that he's sure Vinnie is going to take some of the blame too. Howard said that he has a hidden camera in Les' house so he can listen and watch Julie Chen get dressed in the morning. He did his Les impression and had him talking about Colbert and talking to his wife Julie Chen about banging her and things like that. Howard had Les talking about how good Julie looks and accidentally calling her Connie instead of Julie. Howard had Les talking about her pussy and having her call him General Tso. Howard had Les talking about how he's going to try to get Colbert to quit by making his life miserable like they did with Howard Stern at WNBC. Les was talking about bringing Letterman back. He said it'll be so retro it'll be new-tro. Howard had Les and Julie talking about what they could get Colbert to do to get better ratings. Howard had Les talking about bringing back Paul Shaffer as the band leader. Then Les asked Julie if she has to get back to The Talk. He had Les asking about that lesbian on the show.
Howard had Les talking about having Colbert prancing around as a clown and if he doesn't like that he'll have to quit. Les said he's missing Biff from Letterman's show. Howard had him saying that maybe they should give that job to that lesbian from The Talk.
Howard said that Les was interviewed recently about him and he said that he should have kept him and it was one of the things he regrets in his career. Howard said Les was very nice about that.
Howard had Les talking about putting Colbert in a CSI show and put that on in place of his show. Les was talking about how great Letterman was doing with his ratings because he bangs the interns and gets some press. Jim from Raleigh made some noise so Les and Julie heard that and ended up talking to Jim. Howard had both of them having phone sex with Jim. Jim was playing along and asking Julie who she's thinking about. Julie said she's thinking about Jimmy Fallon since she likes people who are number 1. Jim said he heard that Jimmy Kimmel wanted to fuck the shit out of her. Julie said goodbye to him and hung up.
Howard played a clip of Bobo doing his Periscope thing. Bobo was going off on Jeff the Drunk about not thanking Howard for getting him that blow job he got out in L.A. Bobo was also telling people not to give Jeff his gifts. Howard said it's like battle of the boring stars. Howard said it's horrible. Howard said these things go on and on and on. Bobo said he was doing safety tips.
Howard asked if he ever played them on the air. JD told him where one was. Howard said he defies people to stay awake during these. Howard played one where Bobo was talking about the ''lean and look'' thing that he thinks he invented. Bobo said he didn't say he invented it.
Howard played more of the clip and Bobo was talking about this lean and look thing that lets you see your dead zones in the mirror. Bobo said he went more than a million miles without an accident. Gary came in and said they're wondering what the difference is between a blind spot and a dead zone. Bobo started to explain it but it wasn't making sense to them. Howard said Bobo thinks that he's making sense. He said that Ronnie is probably a better driver than Bobo. Howard had Ronnie come in and explain what he's saying wrong. Ronnie said Bobo drove a tractor trailer. He asked him what the convex mirrors are for. He said they're for blind spots. Ronnie said you should be able to see everything down the side of your truck. He said that they have those kind of mirrors on cars these days too. Bobo started going over that stuff again. Howard said that this is what Bobo is doing on Periscope now. He said it's so boring.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo has all kinds of stuff that he's been going through. He said that Bobo comes in with all kinds of props in his class. He said he has a bunch of letters from people who have been to his classes. Bobo said his classes are entertaining.
Howard said that he has Bobo's toupee on the phone. Howard picked up on him and Bobo's Toupee said that he thinks he crashed his show. Howard said he's right and he has to hang up on him. Howard asked Bobo what his prepared question is today. Bobo said that Trump is up in the polls and he's wondering how great they think it is that they might be able to go to Camp David and all of that. Howard said this isn't even a question. He said that's a statement.
Howard said that Trump is resonating with a lot of America. He said that this woman, Tashfeen, came over from Pakistan and this woman was vetted when she came over. Howard said now they say that on social media she had a giant Facebook page saying she hated America and they still let her in the country. Howard said that they didn't think to look on her Facebook page. He said that people are saying okay to letting these people in. Howard said the systems are broken down. Howard said that Trump is saying the things people want to hear so the people are supporting him. Howard said that the government claims they're watching vigilantly but they're not. He asked Bobo if that's what he wanted to hear. Bobo said that's great. Bobo's Toupee said he hopes Bobo gets deported.
The guys talked about Bobo's toupee and how bad it looks. Bobo said his kid knows about it now so maybe he should get rid of it. Howard said his whole thing lifts and hits the roof of his car when he's in his car. Bobo's Toupee told him to shave his whole head from the neck up. The guys talked about how bad his hair system looks and they don't understand why he keeps that thing. Ronnie said that it looks ridiculous. He said it looks like they just threw something on there.
Bobo asked if he can have a Flat Ronnie because he's going to a WWE event. Howard said no one will see it there. He said Bobo has enough stuff from them. Bobo's Toupee said he wants to put it in his shrine. Howard said they've given him enough stuff already.
Ronnie asked if Bobo takes that thing off at night. Bobo said he doesn't. Howard said they can't figure out how to make glue to keep it from rising. Robin said the hair on your head gets wet but this stuff just rises off. Howard said he knew a guy who wore a piece and it would fall back when he laid down to lift weights. Howard said everyone would be looking when that would happen.
Howard said with Bobo they tell him it looks terrible but he doesn't listen. Bobo said he should have listened. Shuli said Bobo thinks it's going to traumatize the kid but the kid is traumatized with what he has on there now. Bobo said his other son has a shaved head. Howard said he should just get rid of it. Bobo's Toupee said that he would look like a retarded Paul Shaffer if he took it off.
Shuli asked what's going on with the moustache. Bobo said he has thinned everything out. Howard said he should take that toupee and stick it on his Christmas tree. He said if he does get a Flat Ronnie he should stick it in the manger display at his house.
Howard said he has to go. He let them go and talked to Shuli about the resume that he got a hold of that Bobo has been sending out. Shuli said Bobo got a job and he quit after 3 hours because he wasn't able to listen to the show. Bobo said he has to be able to listen to the show. Howard said his resume is the resume of a retarded person. Howard asked if they can post it on the web site. Bobo said that they have to block some of it out. Howard told Shuli to forget it then. Howard said no one would even find it. Howard said he defies you to not fall asleep while reading it. Shuli said there's nothing on there and he's read it 4 times. Howard said it looks like a manifesto. Howard said every book you read says no more than two pages. He said this is like 50 pages. Shuli said he thought he was done printing it and he put more paper in the printer and about 10 more pages came out. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard asked Hillary about her thoughts on Trump and about some things that some of the other nominees have said. Howard said he likes her laugh so the guys played the same clip of her laughing a few times.
Howard went through some of the other questions he had for her and the guys played her responses for him. Howard asked about Ben Carson's thoughts on the Pyramids being used to store grains. Hillary said that's where she thought Ben stored his bullshit.
Hillary said that she needs a Flat Ronnie to go with her when she's in office. She said she wants to have him up there to say ''Duu.'' Howard said that's the thing to say these days.
Howard said that Hillary is still dogged by the email scanned. He asked what's going on there. She said that she has a dick pic of Memet in that email. Howard was looking for more questions but Hillary asked him to wrap it up. She said she wanted to sing something for him before she goes. She sang their song parody ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' before getting off the phone.
Howard said they finally found a guy who was interested in Gary's stories. Howard said that was some fun with Gary's audio book. Howard said Sal was in charge of calling the guy to get consent and he broke into Italian when he was talking to the guy. Howard played some audio of that. Howard said the guy seemed to know what Sal was saying. Robin said that wasn't Italian. Howard said Sal's dad spoke Italian so he must have picked up a few words.
Howard said he loves some of the words Gary says in that call. He goofed on Sal about his Italian too. Howard said Sal doesn't speak Italian. Sal said he does. Howard asked him to say something and Sal did it. Howard said he knows it can't be right. Fred believed it was. Howard had him say ''prevalent'' in Italian. Sal said that and threw in a provolone. Howard said he can't speak it. Sal said he can. Fred said he should call Italy. Howard said he should.
Howard had Sal say he doesn't understand. Sal said something but Howard said he was wrong. Howard asked him a few more things and Sal was getting some of them right based on a list that Gary gave him. Howard said Sal was getting some wrong. He said he was speaking Spanish. Sal said he wasn't. Howard told him to get out of there.
Howard had Sal say ''Prevalent'' again. Sal said it the way Howard said it. Then they played the clip of Sal saying it wrong and Sal almost repeated his wrong pronunciation. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Zeppelin song for a few seconds. Howard said that Tina Fey is there. He said she started out doing improv. Howard said that she hasn't been on the show since 2006. Tina said that sounds about right. Howard said she had just started 30 Rock. Howard said he must have traumatized her. Tina said she had a lovely time.
Howard said he is impressed with Tina. He said she's a Star Wars fan. Tina said she is. Howard said that she's got her movie opening the same weekend as Star Wars. He said he talked to Ike Barinholtz about that. Howard asked if she's in on that decision. Tina said they made the decision over a year ago. She said that she is an Executive Producer on the movie and it's the first one she's doing that on. She said they made the movie and she didn't write it. She said that she didn't put her name on it even though they might throw some jokes in here and there. Tina said some directors will stick their name on a movie as a co-writer and that's a douchy thing to do. Tina said they had a plan to go against Star Wars though. She said that they had shot the movie two summers ago. She said they didn't get it done in time for last Christmas so they came out this year.
Howard said he did a movie and it took him 4 years to get it done. Howard said then you hand it off to a marketing department. Howard said no one really knows what they're doing. Tina said she learned that. She said that Universal knows how to open with comedies though. Howard said there is a big audience that doesn't want to see Star wars right away. Tina said you could see Star Wars 3 times and still have time to see ''Sisters.''
Howard asked Tina about what's going to happen when the movie opens. Tina said that she'll be getting calls. She said she's already heard that Star Wars is projected to make $250 million.
Howard asked Tina about getting married pretty young. Howard said she was chubby as a younger person and she was a writer on Saturday Night Live. Howard said she didn't think she looked good so she lost 30 pounds and then Lorne wanted to put her on the show. Tina said that in Chicago there's so much to eat and you're cold all the time so you have a coat on. She said she was on Saturday Night Live and she chunked out doing the same thing there.
Howard said he is so afraid of putting the weight back on. Tina said that she's not that girl. Howard said in this new movie he feels she's more sexy symbol-ish. Howard said she shows some under titty in this movie. Tina said it might be her last chance to do something like that. Tina said she's doing it like Will Ferrall who just does it even if you don't like it. Howard said her body isn't funny though it's nice. Tina said she'll go with that.
Howard asked if Amy Poehler feels like she has to slim down. Tina said they just stopped having babies and got back into shape. She said that they shot the movie in Long Island and she went to a gym out there and they told her that Ike was going there. He said that they had a lot of complaints about him there. She said that Ike was heartbroken when he found that out.
Howard asked about where the shot the movie. Tina said they shot it in Dix Hills and it was supposed to look like Orlando. She said that area can look like just about anywhere.
Howard asked Tina why she goes by Tina if her real name is Elizabeth. Tina said that her mom has just always called her Tina. Howard asked Tina about her dad not letting her watch The Flintstones. Tina said he thought it was a rip off of The Honeymooners. She said that she watched a lot of that instead of the Flintstones. Tina said her dad was a painter by hobby and a writer. She said that he died in October. Howard asked if she was close. Tina said she was. She said she's a disaster. She said that she keeps having altercations on the street with people. She said she is constantly doing that. She said that she does it wherever she is. Tina said she doesn't start it though. She said that if someone starts it with her then she goes a little too far with them. Tina said they were shooting for her show ''Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt'' and someone yelled at her for interrupting their neighborhood. Tina said she just said ''No... fuck that.'' Howard asked if she has anger because her dad died. Tina said he was 82 and she wishes he was still around but maybe she is angry. Howard asked if her mom is okay. Tina said she is good. She came to the premiere the other night.
Howard asked Tina about her brother who is 8 years older. Howard asked if she's a mistake. Tina said she's a bonus baby.
Howard asked Tina about someone calling her a cunt on Saturday Night Live. Tina said she called someone that on the street too. Howard said she can't call someone a cunt even on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that you can't do that. Howard asked who called her a cunt on Saturday Night Live. Tina didn't want to say but she said they have made up. She said it was Colin Quinn. Tina said that he left her a message and said that. She said that she was helping him with a show he was doing. Tina said that she didn't know what she had done. Howard said Colin wasn't in ''Sisters.'' Tina said that she did ask him to be on 30 Rock and he turned it down. She said that they're all good now though.
Howard said Tina's mom was 40 years old when she had her. Howard asked if she was angry about her being older than the other parents. Tina said she wasn't at all. She said she was a cool mom.
Howard asked if her mom is dating yet. Tina said she doesn't think so. She said she's back in the casino. She said she'll go to Atlantic City and Chester, PA. Howard said she should set her up with Colin Quinn.
Howard asked Tina about calling someone a cunt out at some thing she was at. Tina told Howard about how she stood up to leave a show she was at and this woman came over to her and told her to get her bum out of her husband's face and sit down. Tina said that she kept saying her name and a friend of the family was going to punch someone. Tina said her blood was boiling. She said she eventually sat down and this woman was apologizing. Tina said that she told her not to say she's sorry if she's not sorry. Tina said she got up to shame her and she got up and went over to her. She said that she was there with family and she asked her not to do this. She said that she told her that she's being a cunt right now. Tina said that the woman said that's a very rude word there because this was in London. Tina said it's actually worse there in the States though. Howard said she did a great British accent there. Tina thanked him for that.
Howard said after Tina did the whole Sarah Palin thing on Saturday Night Live she became super critical of her and said she was using her. Tina said that's what you do in political humor. Tina said Sarah was at the Saturday Night Live 40th. She said it's not really her story to tell but she told it. She said Louis C.K. was talking to Sarah and Louis was saying that she had a sad look in her eye. Someone thought Louis was going to fuck her because she looked so sad. Howard said he has talked to Louis about that. He didn't fuck her but he would fuck her. Howard said he would too. Tina said she knows Howard would.
Howard said Tina has a movie coming out called ''Sisters'' that's opening on Friday, December 18th.
Howard asked Tina about how she got into improv. Tina said that it feels really embarrassing doing that stuff. She said it becomes like a cult and you get so into it. Howard asked if she was horrible at it. Tina said everyone is bad at first. Howard asked if it's true that it's not really improv and they have it all worked out ahead of time. Tina said no. She said it's fully improvised. She said that they don't plan any of it. Howard asked if they get an audience to suggest it. Tina said they can do that. She said sometimes you fail so much that you get less afraid of failure.
Tina said she did a little bit of stand up and that's scary to her. She said she loves stand up but you are alone up there. She said she tried it in Chicago and it's so much scarier. Howard said she knows how to write a joke so you'd think she'd be good at it. Tina said she doesn't do it alone. She said she needs Amy with her.
Howard asked Tina if she and Amy see each other a lot. She said that they live on different coasts so they don't see each other a lot. She said she loves seeing Amy when they're out doing promotion.
Howard asked Tina about why she didn't host with Steve Martin when he did the Oscars. Tina said she doesn't know if she was asked. She said that those award shows are very high stakes and it's not comfortable doing them. She said people who you think are having fun are not having fun.
Howard asked Tina about doing Saturday Night Live and being on Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon. Howard said then she started working with Amy. Tina said they did a lot of screen tests and she did one with Amy. She said that she remembers trying to do it alone and it didn't feel right. She said that's why they went with Amy.
Howard said Tina was the first female head writer at Saturday Night Live. Howard said that's pretty amazing. Tina said it's not like being the first woman president. She said they don't have a lot of head writers there.
Howard said that Tina was there as the head writer for Sylvester Stallone and they told her that she had to tell him that he had to annunciate his jokes more. Tina said that was a joke they pulled on her. Tina said they told her to go tell him and it was tough to go to his dressing room and ask him to do that.
Howard asked Tina if she has to tell other writers that it's not their kind of career. Tina said that it can be a nightmare but by the time you get up there to that point you should be past that.
Howard asked Tina about how she writes Kimmy Schmidt and does all of this stuff with her family. He asked about Kimmy Schmidt because they offered it to NBC and they turned it down. Tina said that the story is kind of dark so it's better suited to Netflix. She said she thinks that NBC may have been afraid of that kind of thing. She said they say they want to be more like cable but then they get that and turn it down. Tina said she's happy doing it for Netflix. She said she'd still like to do something on network TV.
Howard asked if Tina is done having kids. She said she's 45 now so she thinks she's done. She said that if she did have one might come out a ball of fingers or something. Howard said that she could technically still have a kid though. Howard said she's so busy though. Howard said that it must be impossible to do all of that. Tina said it is high stress. She said she is pretty driven though. She said she and Amy talk about how they should retire. Tina said that she has enough money to live out of state but not in New York.
Howard said that Tina has made movies that have made a fortune. Howard said she wrote Mean Girls. Tina said she just wrote it. She said she doesn't have points on it. She said she didn't know any better. She said she got a bonus and she was thrilled with that. Howard said she wrote it for Lorne though. Howard said you'd think that he'd give her a point after it does well. Tina said that she still works with Lorne and he's been very supportive. Howard said he's her big mentor. Tina said he is. She said she goes out to dinner with him often. Howard said she never gets invited to his house though. Tina said she doesn't and she'd like to know how to make that happen. Howard said that is baffling to him. Robin said he could invite her out there. Tina said she doesn't live out there and Jimmy Fallon does. Howard said that Alec is over there almost every night.
Howard asked Tina about her husband Jeff Richmond and if it's been difficult for him to see her doing so well. Tina said hopefully not. Howard said it's tough for a guy when the wife does so well. Howard said this marriage is successful. Tina said he's a secure guy. Howard asked if it's tough for him when she goes away. Tina said he had the kids for 11 weeks on his own last spring so it must have been rough for him. Howard said he's not sure how she does this balancing act. Howard said she does Sisters and she's full in.
Howard asked if she would ever hire a good looking babysitter. Tina said she'd have to look into their eyes to see if they're that type of woman. Howard said it must be tough. Tina said that any down time she has is spent wondering if they can let the baby sitter go home. Robin asked if she's fun mom when she does come home. Tina said she thinks they'd say she's not that fun.
Howard said every woman in show business wants to be her friend. Howard asked if she goes to the school and all of that. Tina said she does when she can. She said that she is very normal and chill. She said in New York everyone is a big shot. Howard said they must want to be her friend. Tina said she has a nanny who has been with her for a very long time. She said that she would suss it out with the people. She said that she can tell if they just want to see the apartment.
Howard asked who is a bigger shot than her at the school. Tina said there are some big names there. Howard asked if she planned to be in New York. Tina said she doesn't like to drive and he likes being in New York. Tina said that Alec Baldwin helped them stay in New York when they did 30 Rock.
Howard asked Tina about when Tracy Morgan was injured if she did something. She said that he was in really bad shape. She said she was on the set of Sisters when that happened. She said they were trying to find out what was going on with him and he was in a coma. She said she can't believe that he made it. Tina said that he was so frail before that and he made it through that so it's pretty incredible. Robin said she was just watching that Saturday Night Live when he came back to host. Tina said he did great on that.
Howard said that Tina's new movie is coming out on Friday. Robin asked if they're doing projections for this movie. Tina said she hasn't gotten a number yet. Howard said that she has to get out and sell this movie. Howard said she's not going to beg. Tina said the movie is really funny. Howard said he thinks that she's showing more skin than ever. Howard said he saw the movie and she's looking good. Howard said she has nice jugs. He said they're big. Tina said they're not big. She said they're a solid B. Howard asked if she breast fed. She said she did for 6 weeks. Tina said she went to work with Alec and Tracy and her body dried up. Howard said Colin Quinn called and said he's going to see Star wars instead of her movie.
Howard said that Tina and Amy work together well. Howard said they're going to laugh for what reason. Tina told Howard about some of the stuff that happens in the movie and why people will like it. Tina mentioned that John Sena is in the movie. Howard asked if that's her kind of guy. She said that he's not. She told Howard about how great her husband is and how he's never even farted in front of her. Howard said that's amazing. He asked if he's super thin. Tina said he's got some meat on his bones. Howard said that he doesn't fart or make that much doody now that he's so damn anorexic. Howard said he can't run anymore. Tina said she can't either. Howard said the whole back of his head hurts when he runs. He said he barely eats anything now and it's torture. He said he's still gaining weight. Howard said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said he can't imagine Tina preparing for work and working out so hard for a movie. Tina said that she doesn't. She said that they talk about how they need a Most Natural Look category in the Oscars.
Howard asked what she weighs. Tina said she's about 128 pounds. Howard asked if it's true that her husband proposed to her when she told him she was on her period. She said she had just come out of the bathroom when he was on his knee.
Howard asked Tina if she wrote the sketch on Saturday Night Live when they have an Old School Tampon belt. Tina said that the woman who wrote ''Sisters'' is the one who wrote that sketch. her name is Paula Pell.
Howard said that he used to go to summer camp and they had the canteen where you could get candy and stuff. He said you could check off ''Sanitary Belt'' and he had no idea what it was. Then he learned what it was and he was so mystified that he ordered one. He said they didn't give it to him though.
Howard said Tina wrote the Mom Jeans commercial for Saturday Night Live. Howard said that was brilliant. Howard said she must have been wearing them when she got back to work after she had her baby. She said her husband wrote the jingle for that commercial.
Howard asked Tina about what her favorite thing was that she did on Saturday Night Live. Tina said that some of the Sarah Palin things were the best things she was a part of. Howard asked Tina who figured out that she looked like Sarah. Tina said Sarah was on the cover of the Times and her husband noticed the similarity. She said that Lorne Michaels walked out of the building and the door man said that they looked alike. Then someone else told him that they look alike. Then Lorne figured they had to do something. Howard asked if she even wanted to go back to do it. Tina said she was wondering if she should do it before they even asked her to do it. She said they eased her into it though and they got her to come in to do it. She said that it just happens. He said it's kind of date rapey feeling.
Howard asked if she had to work on an impression. Tina said she doesn't do impressions so she just had to do it. She said that she has a voice that anyone can do. She said it's not like Al Gore. Howard said it's not easy to do. He said she sounded dead on doing it though. Tina said Paula grandmother was kind of like Sarah so they took that accent and used that. Howard said she can slip into it easily. Tina said that she hasn't done it in years. Tina said that her husband told her she should do a play as Sarah Palin. Howard said he would go to that. He said he doesn't like going to the theater. Howard said he can't bring himself to see ''Hamilton'' or anything like that.
Howard gave Tina another plug for her movie. Howard said she's really funny in it. Tina said that Gary saw it twice. Howard said he saw it just once himself and thought it was very funny. He said twice is a big commitment. Robin said that's in Star Wars therapy. Gary said he saw it without his wife and then with his wife. Howard said he's going to reveal the end of Star Wars to help her out. Howard said she should put Darth Vader in the movie to get people in to see it. Howard said even Tina hasn't seen her own movie twice. He wondered how Gary has the time.
Howard wrapped up with Tina and gave her some more plugs before going to break.
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Howard read a note he got from a fan who reads the book to his son with Cerebral Palsy. Howard said that was actually sent to Beth. Howard said it's nice. He said it makes him feel like he's doing something nice.
Howard said he's working on a book where Yoda meets Flat Ronnie. Robin said that she got a Flat Ronnie and she didn't want to be bothered with it when she was on The Talk. Howard said she should have set it up behind her and not said anything.
Howard said he was listening to Rihanna over the weekend. He said he likes the song ''I'm the Only Girl in the World.'' He said that he doesn't understand all of the lyrics though. He said one song he can sing entirely is the Justin Bieber parody ''I'll Suck Your Ween.'' Howard said that's what he sings all day long.
Howard had Fred play the Rihanna song he was talking about. Fred played the song and Howard was talking about it but then Fred turned it off. Howard said he didn't want it off. Fred misunderstood what he was saying. Howard had him bring the song back up but he was out of the mood by then.
Howard said he should play some of the phony phone calls he has. He said that he has a lot of stuff to play and this could be their last 2 days there. Howard said he'd be upset if he didn't get to them. Howard said this first one is good. He said they had Wendy the Slow Adult on recently and they cut up his voice from that and called a podcast. Howard said these guys must be desperate for phone calls. Howard played the clip and Chris Wilding called this podcast with clips of Howard to ask some questions. He had Howard asking what their thoughts on Donald Trump were and if their hands smell like doody and things like that. The host answered a couple but then hung up on him. Chris called back and the woman said they were going to stop taking calls that day because of that. She took another one and it was Chris again with the clips of Howard. She took a few more and they were all Chris. The woman had a theme song that Howard liked. Howard said he should change his theme song to that one for his final 2 shows.
Howard took another call from a guy, Justin, who asked if Howard is going to do any writing or doing a movie when he retires. Howard asked where he was from since he had an accent. Justin said he's from Georgia. Howard said he loves that accent. He said it's better than a Long Island accent like he has. Justin said he spent 4 years in the navy. Howard said he knew he was a real man. He asked if he drives a truck. The guy said he does. He said he was able to replace his leg with his cock. That's how big his cock is. Howard told him to take his big cock and bang it against the phone. The guy knocked something against the phone.
Howard said he hasn't written anything but he was asked to do a movie a month or so ago. He said he'd do it if it was something that didn't take up a lot of his time. He said he'd like to play a villain. He said something like what Mark Hamill did on Flash. Howard said he'd love to do something like that. Justin said he appreciates what Howard has done. Howard said this accent is so heavy he doesn't even understand it. He said he loves that.
Robin asked if Howard knows who the guy was that hurls the ice on Flash. Howard said he thought he recognized him. Robin said that he played Spartacus.
Howard asked Justin about being in the Navy and driving the truck. He asked if he gets a blow job in the truck stops. The guy said that he doesn't do that. He said he has a girlfriend. Howard said this is a good man. Howard asked if he shoots a big load. The guy said he does okay. Howard asked where he stands on the Trump thing. The guy said he doesn't vote so he has no comment. Howard said that's cool. He said he's so much of a man he was in the military and he doesn't even vote. Howard asked how many guns he owns. The guy said he owns 28. He asked what the best one is. The guy said he has an AR-15. Howard asked what he shoots. The guy said he'll shoot anything that ends up on his land.
Howard asked if he chews tobacco. He said he used to but not anymore. He said his wife made him stop. The guy said he'll shoot up rodents on his land and eat them. Robin asked how he gets around the buckshot. The guy said you just eat around it.
Howard asked Justin about what he watches on TV. The guy said he watches a lot of Steven Seagal movies. Howard said this guy would never watch The Tony Awards. Justin said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said he figured that. Howard asked if he'd ever watch The Bachelor. The guy is his girl might but he isn't into that.
Howard asked if he's driving right now. The guy said he is. He honked his horn. He doesn't have the Dixie kind of horn. The guy said the DOT makes you take it off. Howard asked how often he changes his sheets. The guy said his girl changes them every time he comes home.
Howard asked the guy if he watched the Victoria's Secret fashion show. The guy said he's a big fan of Victoria's Secret. Howard said that Beth just puts on pajamas and maybe he should go there and get something for her. He can give her a subtle hint.
Howard asked Justin if he ever eats his girl's ass. The guy said he doesn't do that. He said he'll eat her out and sometimes put her up against the glass shower door and bang her. He said that does something for him. He said the tits against the glass does something for him. Justin said he once had 18 mirrors and 6 cameras in the room and that was the most fun he's had. Howard said he's a busy man. He said that sounds good to him. He said it sounds like his girlfriend is hot. The guy said she's alright. He said she looks like a younger Jenny McCarthy. Howard asked if she has a gut. Justin said she has a southern spare tire. He said he's about 150 and she's about 130. Howard said she should calm down with that. Justin said there's more cushion for the pushin.
Justin told Howard about how he pissed on his commanding officer's clothes once and he had to clean the shitter for a month after that. Howard said this guy is up to some weird shit out there. Justin said that he fucked his girl in a deer stand once. He said he fucked her in Times Square once too. He said they were in a hidden alley back there.
Howard asked if he's uncircumcised. The guy said he is. Howard said this guy is so masculine that he fucks his girl in the deer stand. Justin said that they call it a dumpkin when you're up there getting a BJ while shooting deer. He said that he has taken a shit and gotten a BJ before wiping. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked if he would mentor him and teach him how to be a real man. Justin said he's 27 and he could do that. Howard asked if he has any teeth. Justin said he has them all. Howard said he can't talk to him anymore. Howard said he's making him look bad. Howard asked if he manscapes. Justin said he shaves everything off. Howard said that's fucking great. He said he could look like Ben Affleck but he doesn't want to. He said it's too homo-ish. Howard said hair is gay.
Justin asked who the manliest person is that he knows. Howard said he thinks it's this guy. Howard said he has a friend Pat who is very masculine. Howard said if he heard he trims his bush he'd be upset. Howard said Steve Martin is very masculine. He said he hunts in Central Park.
Howard said this guy must eat anything. He asked what the worst rodent was he ate. Justin said he ate a possum and didn't like it. Howard said they're like big rats. Justin said that his buddy is more of a man than he'll ever be. Howard said he must want to punch people when they say they can't eat gluten. Justin said he goes and shops for more guns when he hears about gluten.
Howard said he has to let him go. He thanked Justin for his service. Justin said that he just wanted to say please put your phones down when you're out driving. He said he's seeing too many people dying out there. Howard said he sees a lot of people on phones, reading the paper and more. He said he loves that this guy is driving and he's on a cell phone. Justin said that he's on a hands free blue tooth so he's being safe. Howard said that he is a fucking man. Howard said he needs that guy to tutor him. He did an impression of Justin as if he were mumbling everything. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said that he knew a girl who was into him when he was young but then one summer he changed and she wanted nothing to do with him. He said he's like Cinderella in reverse.
Robin read a story where they say that having a potty mouth may be more intelligent than they think. Robin said that they asked people to name as many curse words they could come up in 60 seconds and then do the same with animals. Howard said Michael Rapaport curses a lot. Howard said maybe he's very bright.
Howard read an email from someone who asked about his contract. Howard said he really doesn't know. He said as soon as he does he'll let them know.
Robin read about how Hunger Games has been doing very well at the box office. Robin said it's still number 2 after 4 weeks out. Robin said the new ''In the Heart of the Sea'' is being called a flop. Robin said it's the tale of Moby Dick. Robin said it only made $11 million the first weekend and it cost over $100 million. Howard said he must be having a bad day today. Howard said he's a good filmmaker and he should find a franchise. Howard said that movies like that aren't what people want to see. Howard said he really likes Ron. He said they can't all be winners.
Robin said that Ron did another movie with Chris Hemsworth that didn't do so well. Howard said he can tell if a movie is going to do well. He said Ron should have come to him and asked. Howard said it's not that hard to know. He said he doesn't even need a script to tell how it's going to do.
Robin read a story about a guy who came up with a Lego vending machine that vends Chicken McNuggets. Robin read the details of that and Howard seemed to think that was ridiculous.
Howard read some feedback about Ike Barinholtz's appearance on the show. Howard said people liked him. He read a couple of those emails. That led to Howard talking about how he and Beth talk about what people are worth. He said Adam Sandler is going to come in so he'll ask Siri about that. Howard did that and it claims that he's worth $360 million. Robin had him ask about Bradley Cooper. Siri came up with $100 million. Fred asked about Amy Poehler. Howard checked with Siri and it came up with $18 million. Howard had guessed $30 million. Howard checked Tina Fey. He guessed $75 million. Siri came up with $45 million. Howard wondered about Imus. Howard said he must have made a lot of money. Robin said he does have that ranch. Robin guessed $50 million. Howard agreed. Siri came up with $35 million.
Howard said they call Don Imus a famous radio guy and photographer. Robin said he put out a whole book of pictures. Howard said he doesn't know anything about photography. Robin said Eva Longoria is getting engaged so she wants to know how much she's worth. Robin said they should have a limit on how many times someone can get married. Howard said it should be limited to like 5 times. He said that Halle Berry got married again. He said something is going wrong there so just stop it.
Howard asked what George Takei is worth. Robin said nothing after putting his money into that play. Howard checked with Siri. Siri got the name wrong. Howard tried again. The Siri died so Howard told Benjy to look it up. Benjy said $12 million. Shatner came up at $100 million. Howard asked about Robert De Niro. Benjy found $200 million. Howard said that's big. He said he's like a bearded Siri.
Robin had Howard play the Star Wars theme. Robin said some people are going to see it before the people standing in line. Tonight is a VIP premiere. Robin said that it's for VIP audiences. Howard said he thought only people who are almost dead were getting to see it. Howard said he was invited to that. Robin said you were supposed to come dressed up. Howard said he'd show up dressed as Howard Stern.
Robin read about how Edward Norton is helping a Syrian refugee family settle in Michigan. She had some details about that.
Robin read about how Banksy is leaving messages about the refugee problem and did a mural with Steve Jobs in it and he did that because Steve's dad was a Syrian refugee himself.
Robin read a story about how the quality of a mother's diet can affect the future of a child's health long into the future. Howard said his mother didn't eat well. Robin had some audio of some doctor talking about this study. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how people are still wondering where Richard Simmons is and what's going on with him. Robin said that he hasn't been seen in public in 2 years. Robin said he has a work out center in California and that's apparently falling apart. Gary has been trying to get a hold of Richard and his people are telling him that he's fine but he's just laying low. Robin said people are wondering what's going on with him. Howard said there is only one way to get him. He said he'll offer to show him his penis. Howard said it could be a health issue or maybe he's in hiding hoping that people will be looking for him. Howard said it could be that or he doesn't like the way he looks anymore and he's going the way of Gretta Garbo. Howard asked Robin what she thinks it is.
Robin said that Shia LaBeouf is doing a project where you can call him and be a part of his project. Howard said that has already happened actually.
Robin read a story about the republican debate that's happening tomorrow night. Howard said that should be good. Robin said that will be on CNN tomorrow night. Robin read about who will be in the debate. Howard said that no one drops out because they have these Super Pacs that keep them going. Robin mentioned Carly Fiorina and Howard congratulated her on being able to say her name. Howard said they sent Ronnie out to an event and he wasn't able to say her name. He played a clip of Ronnie trying to say her name and getting it wrong a couple of times. He said he'll save the rest of that for tomorrow.
Robin read about Donald Trump getting more play about his comments about keeping Muslims out of this country. Robin mentioned Ted Cruz and Howard said he read an article about how no one likes Ted Cruz. He said he means people that he knows personally. He said he read that in the NY Times. Howard did another live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read more about Donald Trump and had audio of him talking about his comments about keeping Muslims out of the country.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart retuning to The Daily Show last week to push for the Zadroga act to be passed. Robin had some audio of Jon on the show.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he wants Howard to look up Damon Dash on the celebrity net worth. Howard said that he isn't going to do that. King said that Howard revealed last week that he won't retire. He said that Howard let it out that Will Smith would be coming in and if he was then he has to have a show. Howard said that's only if he has a show that he'd come in. Gary said that would have been this week and it's not happening. Howard said he really has to go. He let king go.
Robin read about how Will Smith is looking for a career in politics. Howard asked why he would want that. Robin had a clip of Will talking about how he feels he has a lot more to offer. Howard said he should just stay home and bang that wife of his.
Robin read a couple more stories and wrapped up the news. Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Jon said today Howard said he's not sure if he's coming back to Sirius. Jon said that makes all of them nervous back there in the office. Jon said they have a lot of other things to talk about too. He went over some of that stuff. He mentioned the Bobo call and Sal speaking Italian. He talked about the Tina Fey interview a little bit too. That led to Jon talking about how he will go to see Star Wars but not with his wife who doesn't want to see it. Jon and Rahsaan spent a little time talking about going to the movies and what that's like these days. Jon said he thinks that Sisters will do well even with Star Wars being out. Jon said he's looking forward to it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is a truck driver and Ronnie was talking about the blind spots. He said there are blind spots on every truck on the road. The caller said that Ronnie was saying there are no blind spots because of the mirrors but there are still blind spots even with those convex mirrors. He said there are blind spots in every vehicle. Jon asked if Ronnie misrepresents when he's talking about driving. He said he seems to know a lot about cars. The caller said when he talks about trucks he's way out there in left field. He said he could bring his truck there and show him the blind spots. Jon asked what else he gets wrong. The caller said it's just the blind spots. He said that was rubbing him wrong.
Jon said they had Bobo and Ronnie on today. He asked who the more professional is, Bobo or Ronnie. The caller said he thinks that it might be Ronnie because he has to drive in New York City. He said that has to be the toughest place to drive. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said he liked the story about Tina being pranked and being told to ask Stallone to annunciate. Gary said he thought her opening story about calling people a cunt was a story that can't be told anywhere but there.
Jon said Howard was into asking how she can be doing so much. Jon said she seems to have it under control. He said she seems to be one of the funniest people out there too. Gary said that she did Saturday Night Live for 7 years and that's really tough to do so she's used to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if this is the last week he has a few things to say. He said something about how they're saying what needs to be said. He said the Tina Fey interview was good but Howard went to that random truck driver and made that great too. He said Howard can do both. Gary said he was on the edge of his seat when he asked what the guy did to get in trouble in the Navy. He said he didn't disappoint.
The caller also said one of his teachers sounds like Tan Mom and he looked her up on the web and he found a shot of the real Tan Mom from like 20 years ago and she looked like a young Jenny McCarthy. Gary said he knows the pictures he's talking about and he thinks that she looked more like a young Jenny Jones. The caller thanked them for doing what they do and he hopes that they'll be around. Gary told him not to say goodbye yet because they're not saying goodbye yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's worried about Howard. He said that he's talking about his looks and the amount of food he's eating. He said that he has to gain some weight and he'll feel better. Gary asked if he's saying that if Howard ate he'd be in a better mood. The caller said that he would. Gary said he thinks Howard knows what's right for him. The caller said he looks a little anorexic to him. Jon told Gary to take that to Howard tomorrow and see what he has to say.
Jon said that they were talking about Sal's Italian and he's not sure what he's saying right or not. Gary said that he could go to Italy and get by. Gary said that Howard finds it hard to believe that someone who can barely speak English can speak Italian. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he had to wait on hold for like 16 minutes. He said they screened him like he's calling the CIA. It turned out to be Michael Rapaport. Michael said that he thinks they're underestimating the fan's like of fantasy football. Gary said they're down to the final 4 now and if he wasn't in the final 4 would he be making the call. Rapaport said he is in the final 4 and he is making the call because of that. He said that he fans want to know what's going on with the playoffs. Gary went over what's going on with their league. Gary and Rapaport talked about that fantasy football stuff for a few minutes. Gary told Michael that he's starting to wear thin on him. He said he's watching gorilla videos and he's sort of bored with it. Jon said that Gary isn't thinking it's funny anymore. Gary said it's not about what they're doing. Gary said if he wants to say he sucks at it that's fine. He said that he's watching monkey videos now. He said he put one video up that he didn't even understand. Rapaport was laughing his ass off at Gary. Rapaport said that he loves Gary. He said now he just walked into a monkey trap. He asked how he's going to come to terms with this. Rapaport wanted to bet Gary about who is going to win this thing. Gary wasn't interested in a bet. Gary and Michael went on and on about that stuff.
Jon said he wishes Michael luck and he can't wait to hear his next podcast. He said he's sure he'll give the people what they want. Rapaport kept going with the fantasy football talk. He said he really thinks they're underestimating the fan's love of the fantasy football league. They let him go after that.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 12:10pm.
Howard started the show talking about his opening song that he recorded with Rob Zombie years ago. Howard said just listen to it. Robin said she doesn't remember being in that session. Fred was playing clips of her singing over it.
Howard said Robin has been doing a lot of singing. Howard asked if she's taking singing lessons. Robin said no. Howard said she should fire her teacher if she is. Howard played a bit they created with Robin singing the songs in The Wiz musical. Robin sang all of the parts in the play.
Howard said Robin is so terrific. Howard said she's lovely. He said she's like a bird. Howard said it's like a bird that took a big shit on his head.
Howard said he caused a lot of controversy yesterday when he talked about the possible end of the show. Howard said that the fans feel like they're part of the family. He said there's a lot of speculation about what they're going to do. He played a song parody that someone sent in about how the fans will miss the show. Howard played one from Daniel Mendelson. Howard said he's singing about their possible demise.
Howard said they went out on the street and asked people what they think. Howard had some clips of Memet interviewing some people and some said that's sad and some were happy. A few people said he's an asshole so they're glad.
Howard said that he has made a decision on what their future will be. Howard asked Benjy if he's sweating. Howard said he thinks he looks homeless with that beard. Howard checked it out again. He said that he has a sleeping bag out on the street. Robin said she saw him in the coffee room and he does look odd. Fred said he looks like Wooly Willy where you drag the magnet over the filings.
Howard said that the fans are anxious to hear what the future is. Howard said that people are wondering if he's retiring or if he's moving or what. Howard said that he has told everyone from the beginning that maybe it's time to hang it up. Fred played clips of Sal crying. Howard said that's what happened last time they fooled him and told him that they were retiring.
Howard said this is a serious announcement. Howard said that this road in radio is never easy. He said that it was particularly difficult in terrestrial radio. Howard said it wore everyone out. Howard said it wore out him, Robin and Fred's asses. Howard said anyone who is in terrestrial radio has an endless barrage of nonsense from management. He said it's a crazy career. He said he wanted to be on the radio since he was 5 years old. He said he just loved radio.
Howard said when satellite radio came about it's a medium that's in cars and people could get this pay service with a great audio quality. He said people can hear what they want to hear. Howard said it sounded like a dream come true. Howard said it took him a lot of years to get over there. He said they couldn't move until there was a potential for an audience to hear them. Howard said it was all confusing when they first came over. Howard said they had to go to Radio Shack to get a device to get it in the car.
Howard said it was their only option to continue as broadcasters. Howard said they made the announcement and even that was a lot of agida. Howard said CBS sued him after he left. Howard said he came over to satellite and made that move. Howard said a lot of people said it wouldn't work. Howard said they had the biggest success of their carer. Howard said that they're close to 30 million subscribers now. Howard said he wrote down in his journal 10 years ago that he thought it could be a 30 million subscriber business. He said who knows where it can go in the future.
Howard said he really wanted to work it out with Sirius. He said he likes Jim Meyer who is running the company. Howard said he has been good to all of them there. Howard said he's a solid businessman. He said he's honest too. Howard said that Jim wants to continue to keep doing his thing and make the company work. Howard said that Scott Greenstein has been very supportive of everything they do. Howard said that Scott wanted to see where they could take this thing. Howard said he wanted to give as much support as he can.
Howard said 11 years ago they put that deal together. Howard said after terrestrial and all of the horse shit that he had to go through they came there and it's been nothing but pleasant. Howard said it's been great. Howard said that the free water and pretzels there impressed him. He said every radio station before that looked like shit. He said they were disgusting places. Howard said he remembers coming to Sirius and how exciting it is to be there. He said it's something to walk through the halls and see celebrities. Howard said you might see Adele out in the fish bowl or a new channel starting there. He said it's exciting and fun. He said it's a big community there.
Howard said he feels like he helped build this thing. Howard said he thought about if he wanted to be a part of this. He said the answer was yes. He wanted to grow it even more. Howard said he didn't know if it could all be worked out. Yesterday he was still unsure of what they were going to be doing. Howard said they leave for vacation for two weeks soon.
Howard said they will in fact be there for another 5 years. Howard said everyone will be coming back. Howard said this deal they have enables them to move into the future. Howard said they will bring radio and a new app they'll be developing that will have video streaming of the show. Howard said the fans will be able to see them live and get the archives on demand. Howard said that it's going to be very exciting when he announces what it'll be. Howard said that it means that they'll be getting some of them over the next 12 years. Howard said the video aspect and all of that will be presented and they'll be doing it in conjunction with Sirius. Howard said that there will be video. Howard said Sal will have a job. Robin asked if they could have put him somewhere and fooled him again.
Howard said that Ronnie will be 123 years old by the time this ends. Howard said this is a very exciting deal. Howard said thank god Robin doesn't have to go on The View. Howard said Fred will have a home too. Howard said they are staying there and that's the big announcement. Howard said they'll have even more to add to the show. Howard said he's jazzed and excited. Howard said that he doesn't think Robin could have sang on The View. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Howard said he wants to thank Don Buchwald who sat down and orchestrated this whole thing. Howard said he did a great job. Howard said it's all very exciting. Howard said there's no more speculation. Howard said everyone can calm down. Robin asked where Mariann is. Howard said she's not on the phone. Robin said maybe they can call her and trick her. Howard said she probably knows. Howard said Bobo or someone will ruin it for her.
Howard said just imagine how many songs Robin will sing over the next 5 years. Fred played Sour Shoes saying ''Noine'' a bunch of times. Howard said Tan Mom will have someplace to call for the next 5 years.
Howard asked Fred if he's excited. Fred said absolutely. Robin asked if he wants to stay. Fred said of course he does. Howard asked Robin if she is excited. Robin said she is of course. Robin asked what they'd be doing if they weren't there. Howard said he'd be in seclusion if he wasn't here.
Mariann was saying something but it was hard to understand. Howard said there's no way she was fasting. Mariann said she didn't want to be the first caller today. She said she brought her daughter to the bus. Howard said that Sirius wanted the announcement today. Mariann said she did too. She said she's going to be in the studio tomorrow. Howard thanked Mariann for the call.
Howard said he wants to thank the audience too. He said that they're so supportive of what they do. He said without them it would be impossible to do what they do. Howard said he has 5 more years of waking up and talking to them. Howard said he had fun doing the Les Moonves and Julie Chen thing yesterday. He said he's still having fun doing the show. Howard said there are moments in his day when he can feel people listening. Howard said Adam Sandler is coming in today so he's looking forward to that. He said it's a good feeling to be doing it another 5 years. Robin said they're just waiting for the President to come in there. Howard said maybe President Trump will come in. He said they know Obama isn't coming in.
Howard asked JD if he's excited about this. JD said he is. Howard said he should be. Howard said he should be happy because he does a great job there. Howard said he loves JD. Howard said the truth is that JD would have no job and no one would hire him if he didn't. Howard said that kind of weighed in on his decision. Howard said that JD is so hard working that he's there on Sunday nights to work. Howard said everyone is working on all cylinders. Howard said that they get Robin every morning and Fred occasionally. Howard said there are a ton of people who work their asses off. Howard said that JD works as hard as he eats.
Howard said this group of people he works with are so fantastic. He said they're tremendous. Howard said they are funny and hard working and they have a great crew. He said he's very attached to them. Robin said she's going to cry. Howard said when he was thinking about the future he thought long and hard about the guys like Sal and Richard who are like one person. Howard said he wasn't prepared to give up his team.
Howard asked JD to say something. JD said he's going to be loyal to Howard. He didn't really have anything emotional to say so Howard goofed on him about that.
Howard asked if anyone else had anything to say. Gary said he's happy and relieved. He said that this cements the fact that he'll have worked for Howard his whole life. Howard said he's so glad he's there after JD and Gary. Howard said JD gets more exited about the fish sandwich at McDonald's. Howard said don't assume that they'll be there the next 5 years. He said he's going to take a hard look at everyone.
Howard said he wants Sal to say something. Sal came in and said they say sometimes there are no words. Sal said he's so elated and so overwhelmed to work for Howard. He said he used to listen to Howard in his car and imagined working with him some day. Howard told him to cry. Sal said that's why he comes in. He said Howard made his dream come true. He said Howard isn't radio or television, he's a separate entity. Howard laughed. Howard thanked him for that though. He said he feels the same way. Howard asked Sal to say something in Italian. Sal said something and Robin goofed on him.
Howard said he's very happy about keeping this going. Robin said she's crying thinking about this. She said she can't even say why. Robin tried to speak but she was crying. Howard said there are tears flowing down her cleavage. Robin said that this was a tough 5 years for her and she's so happy to have another 5 with Howard. Robin said she keeps thinking about that. Robin said it almost didn't happen. Howard said imagine him. He said she would have been dead and he would have had to go on. Robin laughed. Howard said that's how you do it Sal. He said that she's demonstrating how to do it. Robin said she just loves Howard very much. Robin said he is the reason she's still there.
Howard said for the staff this is how you thank him. Howard asked Robin if she has anything else to say. Robin said it's an honor and a real joy to be there. She said that she is just looking forward to a great 5 years. Robin said she didn't know the last 5 were going to be the way they were. She said she's glad she got through it and was able to be there for all of the shows she was there for. Howard said it was amazing that she was able to be there.
Howard said this was a very tough 5 years. He said he loves Robin very much and working with her she makes it easy for him to do the show. Howard said the chance to work with her is great. He said she's sensational. Howard said he would don't have done it if she had died on him. He said he wouldn't have even gone to her funeral if she had died. Howard said seriously though he hears her. Robin said this show kept her going and kept her alive. Robin said she's glad to have been there and been a contributor. Robin said she's looking forward to a great 5 years. Howard said Robin made it real and he loves her and he's glad they get to do another 5 years. He said maybe he should break now. He said Robin made this great. Howard said he would have kept doing the show if Fred had died. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Benjy is upset about the whole thing because he didn't change it to later hours. Robin said he was asking about that yesterday. Howard said Sirius wants them on at 7. Howard said he doesn't 7. Benjy said he doesn't think it's his natural clock. He said he struggles to get to sleep. Howard said he does not. He said he was asleep at 9 last night. Howard said he told Benjy not to work about it. Howard said that Benjy is so hung up on sleep. He said he has a cush gig. Benjy said he loves it. Howard said that he likes getting up at this time. Howard said he was up at 2am and he didn't panic. Howard said that he just woke up. He said he got 5 hours of sleep and that's fine. He said that he's not going to worry about it. Howard said Benjy is all about sleep. Benjy said that Howard wants to live to 120. Howard said calm down with the sleep. Robin said Benjy doesn't appreciate this. She said he should fire him.
Howard said Robin's doctor told him that she was close to dying. Howard said that they cut that thing out of her and she was sick. Howard said they said to him that they might be able to extend her life a couple more weeks. Howard said Benjy asked to come visit and Robin said no. He laughed. Gary said he'd kill to see the list of people who got in to see her. Howard said there were a lot of people who did get in. Howard said that Fred went to see her. Fred said he did. Howard said Benjy didn't get to go. Howard said that's something. Howard said that Robin wasn't able to handle Benjy.
Howard asked what it was about him that she didn't want to see. Robin said there's the Benjy shtick and she wasn't sure who was going to come through the door. She said its the whole Benjy world. Howard said he could have done something dumb like get in bed with her. Robin said that's it. She said he could have elevator shoes or something. Fred said he might have night terrors. Howard said Robin had her Shamen in there but not Benjy. Robin said she didn't have him there. Robin's housekeeper came to visit her though. Howard said she was in the room and Benjy wasn't. Howard said he saw people in that room and they were on the periphery of Robin's life. Howard said he's sorry Benjy didn't get to visit her. Robin said it wasn't that much fun. Howard finished up his commercial read after that.
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Howard said they have some great holiday announcements. Howard said they have a Sour Shoes special coming up on Christmas. Howard said that they also have the special 10 Years of Satellite Radio. Howard said that's starting Christmas night. Howard said that they have that going on too. Howard said it's guaranteed that you'll like that.
Howard said they can get rid of all of the goodbye Stern Show songs. Howard said they can get rid of the retiring songs too. Howard said he has a new phony phone call. In this one they took Jon Leiberman clips and called some random guy to argue with Jon Leiberman. Howard played that prank call. They had Jon saying hi to some stranger and Jon asks him if he sleeps with a Donnie Wahlberg doll. The guy asked if he thinks he's a faggot. They had Jon say yes. They had Jon saying he was one himself. Then Jon asked the guy if he would stick his fingers in Benjy. The guy hung up. They called back and had Jon asking if he masturbates. The guy went off on him saying he's going to kick his fucking face in. They kept going with the clips and the guy kept hanging up. They'd call back and have Jon ask more questions. The guy kept threatening to kick his ass if he gave him his address.
Howard said Jon Leiberman didn't even know he was involved with that. Howard said he almost got his ass kicked over that. Howard said poor Jon. Robin said wherever that guy is Jon shouldn't go that way.
Howard said tomorrow is a big Christmas special. He said that they have a big show they're putting together. Howard said that he's already talked about the format of the show. He said that Fred has a number in the special. He said that they also have Asian Pete in the special. He said he does 3 songs in the special. He played a few short clips of Pete singing some Christmas songs. Howard said he didn't know he sang.
Howard said JD is part of the special. He said JD shows up for the party and Michael Buble starts making fun of him about his sheets and not washing them for a year. Howard said JD starts arguing with him during the song. Howard gave a little tease for that. It was a song parody about JD not cleaning his sheets and JD saying ''Shut up!'' during the song.
Howard said that High Pitch Eric is on the special. He said he has a tease for that too. Howard said High Pitch is standing here and one of the guests gets disgusted looking at him. Howard said the guy can't believe he has 7 chins. Howard played another song parody about the 7 chins. Howard asked who was signing that one. Gary said it was Harry Connick Jr. For real, not an impersonator. Robin sounded shocked. Howard said this is all happening tomorrow.
Shuli came in and said that Tan Mom backed out of the fight last Friday. Then yesterday the fight was back on and she's doing it this Friday. He said that she said she's not a quitter. Shuli said she did sign a contract so that might be the real reason she's doing it.
Howard said he has a survival tip from Big Foot to play. Howard said he goes into the woods and knows how to live. Howard said they didn't write this for him. He said they asked him to give some tips for survival. Howard played the clip and Big Foot suggested wiping your ass with your balls and then scrape it off. Shuli said they get 5 more years of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for re-signing. He said his best interviews are with regular people. He said he loved that call with the truck driver yesterday. He said he can't wait for the Christmas special either. Howard said that the Sour Shoes special is very exciting too.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he's happy he's staying. Eric asked if he can get that big Flat Ronnie. Howard said he doesn't think he'll do enough with it. Eric said he will do something. Howard asked what he will do. Howard said Joey Boots will get it on TV. Eric said he will do that. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said he's not sure he'll do anything with it. Eric said he'll go hold it up in front of TV shows like Good Morning America and the Today show. JD said Eric can barely move. He said he hasn't seen him doing anything. Eric said he'll do it.
Robin said maybe he'll lose weight. Howard said Eric is so out of control. He said Eric takes this thing called Access-A-Ride and he basically gets a limo ride wherever he needs to go. Howard said that he has tape of Eric yelling when it's just a little late. Howard said this is why America is so great. Howard played the clip and Eric was complaining about how long it was taking for this ride to show up. Howard said this is why this country is going bankrupt. He's getting free rides all over the city. Howard said Eric lives like a billionaire. Howard said maybe it's not the greatest but he gets free food, rides and a cleaning person. He said that he has a health aide. Howard said that he lives like Caesar. Howard said it's baffling. Howard said if you fall between the cracks you have all of this stuff. Howard said Eric has an apartment too. He said he has food stamps. He said he weighs 400 pounds so someone is feeding him.
Howard asked Eric what isn't supplied to him. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard said that he has a computer and an iPhone too. Robin said he has Xbox. Eric said he has Playstation. Eric said that he wants that big Flat Ronnie. He said he will hold it up by Al Roker.
Gary said that Eric is putting in a full size refrigerator in his apartment just for sodas. He said that's what Shuli just told him. Shuli came in and said that Eric has no ability to cook in his apartment. He said they have a cafeteria and he's getting a full size refrigerator for his sodas and stuff. Howard said that's what's making him so fat. Eric said he drinks Gatorade too.
Shuli said that he was outside with Eric when he was waiting for his ride from his apartment. He said he was yelling about that guy too and the guy was like 5 feet away. Shuli said he obsesses over this stuff. Howard asked who gives Eric all of this stuff. Howard said not everyone gets it. Robin said she thinks that they sign Eric up for everything when they see him walk in. He needs all of this stuff.
Howard asked if he should give him a Flat Ronnie. Shuli said that he told him a weird thing he wanted to do. He said he wanted to cut out the mouth and put his dick in it. He wants to mouth fuck him. Howard said Bradley Cooper wants to do that too. Eric said he'll hold it up during Al Roker's weather. Robin asked what else he'll do. Eric said he'll do more stuff with Ronnie and hold it up and yell ''Lets fuck some whores!'' Howard said it would be funny to see him show up with Flat Ronnie. Howard asked Gary if they should send him one. Gary said he doesn't know. Gary said Eric will waste it or sell it. Eric said he won't sell it.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to do with it. Eric started saying something but Gary showed Howard a picture of Eric eating at an all you can eat Sushi place. He was on his third serving. Howard said Eric is so out of control. He said there are about 20 tuna rolls and a salmon roll. Howard asked how many he ate. Eric said maybe 90 pieces. Howard asked if he ever says to himself that he should stop eating. Eric said he does get full. Howard said he thinks he ate a whole whale.
Howard said that they got their Flat Ronnie things from Lightning Images. Howard said that they had to get them free even though they're doing another 5 years there.
Gary said maybe they should give a Flat Ronnie to Eric and see what happens. JD came in and said he can't even walk around with it. He said he has that walker. Howard said they can't waste them. Eric said he's going to bring it to the Today show. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will have his on TV tonight. Howard said Natalie Maines is going to have her's on their concert tour. JD said they're going to have one on Undateable on NBC. Howard said that's the kind of exposure that it's going to get. Howard said he's going to let Fred decide. Fred said he agrees with JD. He said he'll use it as a buffet table. Eric said he wont. He kept saying he'll bring it to the Today show. Howard said they heard that already.
Howard said in this phony phone call Eric calls someone. Eric was still yelling about the Flat Ronnie and it was making everyone crack up. Gary said Eric calls a pharmacy and they think he's shitting his brains out. Howard said while he's shitting he tells the drug store guy that he shit out a baby. Howard said it's gross. Howard said no Flat Ronnie for Eric. Eric was still begging and begging for it. Howard said they're too valuable to waste on Eric.
Howard played the prank call where Eric calls the drug store as a woman and shits out a baby. In the clip Eric said he had horrible cramps and he was shitting. Then he has a baby and it starts crying. Then it's two babies and they're both in the toilet crying and covered in shit. The guy at the drug store tells him to take them somewhere. Eric said he's hungry. He was going to eat them. The guy told him to call 911. Eric said they smell awful. The guy hung up.
Howard said Sirius just contacted him and said they changed their mind. Howard said maybe Eric can have a Flat Ronnie if he loses 100 pounds. Eric said ''Come on!'' Howard said he really has to go. He said the tribe has spoken and he's not getting a Flat Ronnie. Eric was still begging for one. Howard said there's no way because it's a waste. Howard said he's not getting one. They went to break after that. They played a ''Beet Rogers in the 21st Century'' bit as they went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Foo Fighters. Howard had Robin clips singing along with it too. Howard said that he was looking over the movie grosses for Adam Sandler and he's made over $4 billion. Howard said that's a ton of money. Howard said they asked Siri yesterday and she said like 400 million. He said that's not that good when you see how much his movies have made. Howard said he has a Netflix deal now too. Howard said he's excited that Adam is coming in.
Robin said she's sure that Adam has a nice house and all of that. She wondered if he has a guy who dresses him. Howard said he'd like to know that too.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he's so excited for him and the entire staff. He said it was a great segment with Robin too. He asked if this means a Howard-Con in the future. Howard said there will be a lot happening in the next 5 years. Howard said they could do a convention. Howard said that Bobo would have his own display there. Howard said that there will be more ridicule of Bobo in the next 5 years. Howard said Bobo's Toupee isn't going anywhere either. Howard played a couple of song parodies about Bobo.
Bobo said he's looking forward to the TV element of the show. Howard said there's going to be a lot of exciting things going on. Howard said that they can have a toupee cam on Bobo. He said everyone will love it. Howard said they could send Bobo's Toupee to Mars too.
Howard told Bobo to go write 5 more years of questions. Bobo said he's going to do that. Howard played him out with another song parody by Michael Buble.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is happier than a maggot in a dead cow's ass that he re-signed. Howard said they're happy too. He said they're having a party there. The caller said he hopes he got the money he wanted. Howard said he had to bring in a wheel barrow to carry it all out of there. Howard said he told them to pay him in cash and make it all in one payment.
Howard said that Bill Cosby thinks these guys are nuts. That led to Robin saying that Bill Cosby is suing some of the women who have accused him of some things. Howard said that they're suing Cosby over some other things and now he's counter suing them. He said he's claiming that they've disparaged him.
Howard said Adam Sandler was on the Cosby show. He said he has to ask him about that. Robin said she vaguely remembers that. Howard said he has to ask if he ever tried to have sex with him. Howard said that he has to take a break and then they'll talk to Adam Sandler.
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Howard came back and said that Adam Sandler is there. Howard said that he's there to promote the Ridiculous 6 which is on Netflix. Howard said that's him coming in. Howard said he seems to be relaxed and casual all the time. Adam said he's not. He said he feels good now though.
Howard said he's doing another 5 years on satellite. He said Adam knew he'd be back. Adam said he did. Howard asked if Adam thinks that he's done enough and proven himself yet. He said that he's worth hundreds of millions. Adam said he's not sure what else he could do. He said he has hobbies but not enough to fill a day. He said he plays sports and things. Howard asked if he plays with regular guys or with Garry Shandling. Adam said he has been there. He said he's solidi enough to play against those guys. He said Gary is really good actually. Howard said he could never play basketball. He said he lost to Nils Loftgren when he played against him years ago. Howard said Nils is like 3 feet tall and he lost to him. Adam asked if he played growing up. Howard said he tried.
Howard asked Adam if he considers ever leaving the business. Adam said he does in his head sometimes. He said he thinks about maybe moving to a different state and just go fishing. He said his dad retired at like 55. Howard said his dad did too. He said he retired and never got another job. Howard said his dad was very happy being retired. Adam said his dad was too. He said they didn't go out to dinner a lot growing up. He said when he retired it was every meal going out. He said his dad was an electrical contractor. Howard asked if he had guys working for him. Adam said he was an electrical engineer for a long time in New York.
Howard asked Adam about going out to perform with his family and having them boo him. Adam said they were crazy supportive of him. He said he was the youngest of 4 and anything he did was cute to his sisters. He said his brother was on his side too and he's not sure why that is. Adam said his father was real about him. He said he went to NYU and when he was studying acting he'd come home and say he was going back and his dad would ask why he was going back. He said he'd tell him to just quit. Adam said he finished and graduated.
Howard asked Adam about when he decided to be a stand up comic he hated it. He said he had to do it to make his mark. Adam said he was addicted to it. He said that he was never sure what he was going to do. He said he'd get angry up there and make the room angry. He said that he wasn't as sharp as some of the guys. Adam said he wasn't prepared when things went off. He said he would see stars and stuff and get that gulp like he was going to cry up there. Howard said Chris Rock and Colin Quinn were starting around that time. Adam said he used to do Pips with Otto and George. He said that he was very good to him. Howard said that was a great act. Adam said he was 17 and going to NYU. He said he'd get booked a lot because he had a car.
Howard said it seems like some of those guys were just naturals. Adam said he had some balls but those guys were ballsy. He said that he was kind of dopey himself. He said he had to get on Saturday Night Live and things like that. Howard asked if he skipped a grade to get into college at 17. Adam said he had a late birthday. He said that he may have been 18.
Howard said Adam was into comedy and he loved Eddie Murphy and Rodney. He said that he told people he was going to be the next Eddie. Howard said you sound like an asshole when you say that. Howard said he told a girl when he was a kid that he was going to be the biggest radio do ever and she left him.
Howard said Adam used to go down to the subway and pan handle. He said he would play songs and people would give him money. Adam said he got about 20 bucks for an hour and a half. Adam said he was working in a drug store in Manhattan and he as working at as a bus boy too. Howard asked if his dad sent him no money at all. Adam said he actually did. Adam said he was in the subway playing and he'd go down there with the guitar. Howard asked if he had a roommate in college. He said he had a lot. Adam told Howard about some of the guys he got to jam with when he was on Saturday Night Live. He said that he got to play with Waddy Wachtel. Howard said that Adam gets to play with those guys. Adam said that he used to practice but he has no time now. He said that he gets home and he has all of these guys in his garage and he gets to play with them.
Howard asked Adam if his dad was good to him. Adam said he was tough on him but he was very good to him. Howard asked if he ever hit him. Adam said he did but he was very good to him.
Howard asked if his dad heard that song about shoving a shampoo bottle up his ass. Adam said that his dad knew about that and he'd come see his stand up. He said even when he'd do letterman he'd be asking himself why he signed up to do that. Howard asked if he did stand up on Letterman. Adam said he did. He said he was petrified doing it.
Adam said in his high school years he loved Howard. He said when Howard would slam him it hurt. He said that he and his friends used to talk about him all the time. He said he hoped Howard would see his stuff and help him out. He said he had a contest when he was a freshman in 1984 and he sent in some songs for a funny song parody contest. He said that they made a cassette of tunes for him and they never heard anything. Howard said he always felt bad about all the years they didn't speak. Adam said he did too. Howard said he was a total fucking asshole. Adam said he laughed when Howard said it about other people so he got it. He said he thought that he was going to be his biggest supporter. Howard said he wasn't happy for anyone. He said he was in a world of fucking anger. Adam said he's had moments like that too and he keeps it to himself. Adam said he remembers seeing him on a plane and he didn't say hello because he had just said shit about him. He said he was with his buddy and he didn't want to let his buddy down. Howard said he thought they might beat him up. Howard said it was a disaster. He said he's so glad Adam is there. Adam said he's glad too. He said that he got slammed over the years.
Adam said his friends would call him about what Howard was saying. He said he didn't need to know that. Howard said he really is happy that he's there. Adam said he is too. Robin said he did a parody of Gary on Saturday Night Live once. Howard said he had the prosthetic teeth and it was a good impression. Howard said they loved it. Howard said it was brutal. He said that it was an honor of them to do it. Adam said that Michael McKean did a great Howard too.
Adam said he remembers when Howard got on TV and he saw him. He said he thought he was very smooth when he talked. Howard asked if it's weird for Adam when he starts to get on Saturday Night Live and then things start to pop. Adam said sure. Howard said he was sort of a sex symbol on the show. Adam said not 100 percent cute guy. He said no guy thought he was a good looking guy. Howard said it was Adam and Farley who were the cute guys. Adam said he got into it to get girls. Adam said this was a nice ice breaker.
Howard asked what Adam did to get on Saturday Night Live. Adam said Dennis Miller saw him do stand up. He said that's what he did to get on. Howard said that he always thought everyone was a prick in the comedy world.
Howard said that Adam was on The Cosby Show as Theo's friend. He asked if he could have predicted that whole thing. Adam said that is a rough one. Howard said this is bigger than John Wayne Gacy. Adam said that he was friends with Cosby's son. He said that he had no idea.
Howard asked how he got the job on the Cosby show. Adam said that Anthony Quinn's son was a friend of his and he got his pop to talk to Cosby to see him do stand up. He said that a casting director came down and saw him and they wrote him a goofy part on the show. He said it was a giant thing for him.
Adam said that Chris Rock was asked to warm up the crowd at the Cosby Show. He said he thought he was going to kill and take his job. He said that Chris said something about Bill Cosby and called his character Mush Mouth the most racist character ever and he starts doing the impression. He said he remembers feeling kind of icy and people getting upset that he brought him there. He said he thinks even Rock's eyes were in a daze after that.
Howard said the thing with Rock is that he'll do that kind of thing. Howard said he went online and looked for some of the stuff Adam did early on. Adam said that his dad told him if he didn't make it by 23 that he'd have to do something else. He said his dad knew his brother would take care of him if he didn't make it.
Howard said Adam is close with Colin Quinn because he helped him make it in the business. Howard said Adam bought everyone in the movie Grown Ups a car except for Quinn. Howard asked why not. Adam said that Quinn wasn't able to figure out where to park it.
Howard asked Adam about getting on Saturday Night Live. Adam said they wanted him to be a writer at firs. He said that he got his foot in the door. Howard said Adam lived in California for awhile and he roomed with Judd Apatow. Howard said that's amazing that they knew each other. Howard said no one like that knew him. Adam said that no one is doing what Howard does. He said no one has repeated whet he's done. Howard said he never knew anyone famous in his life. He said everyone he knew just blew out after a year. He said no one became famous.
Howard said it's amazing that he knew Judd Apatow. Adam said that Judd wasn't the same Judd we know today. Howard said Adam and Judd would make phony phone calls together. Adam said they did. They talked about that for a minute.
Howard asked Adam about the first time he masturbated. Adam said he gave it a shot in the shower once and he figured that he had something fun happening there. Howard said that masturbation is always there for guys. He said that once it's done all the pressure is gone for guys.
Howard gave Adam a plug for his new deal with Netflix. He said that he's there to talk about Ridiculous 6. Howard said he has to talk to him about more stuff. Adam said that MTV was a big deal for him.
Howard asked Adam about getting on camera at Saturday Night Live. He was hired as a writer. Adam said it took a while for him to get on camera. He said that they had a bunch of guys who went on to great things after Saturday Night Live. Adam said that when a skit didn't go well it was bad. He was just 23 when he was on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that's pretty awesome. Adam said it is amazing.
Adam said he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said he was excited about coming in today. Howard said that if he could sleep then it would show he didn't care so it's good that he feels that way. Howard asked if he'd ever write a book. Adam said he doesn't remember anything. He said that he'd be lying. He said a lot of stuff online is made up too.
Howard asked what he would reveal in a book Adam said there's nothing that shocking about him. He said he's mostly what you see on the screen. Howard asked if he has depression. Adam said he has these snappy moments where he's bananas and then he gets upset quick too. He said that he's sure people have gotten that on tape. He said when he'd do his albums he'd get upset and that would get recorded. He said he'd go bananas if he fucked something up. Howard said it's shocking that it hasn't gotten out. Adam said that Howard fucked with him a couple of times. He said that stuttering John said an anti-sematic thing to him. He said that they were trying to get him riled up once. He said he was walking down his own movie line. He said that his father and mother were there and he heard some ''Jew'' comment. He said his dad told him if you hear something like that then you punch someone. He said he would pretend not to hear that when he was growing up. Adam said he heard comments that were stereotypical. He said that he didn't have the courage to do it at first and then he'd go to class and punch someone.
Howard asked if he's really been in fights. Adam said the last one he was in was when he was 18. He said he and his friend Tim Herlihy were walking down the street and these guys called them gay or something. Adam said it was some slang term about being gay. He said Tim is the nicest guy and he goes ''Yeah, okay chump.'' He said that Tim got tough for a second. He said then this guy got in his face and punched him in the face. He said this was on 9th street. He said he grabbed the chain on his neck and ripped it off. Adam said this was a real fight. Adam said he's fighting this guy and he knew some boxing moves. He said it was going okay and then the guy pulls out a carpet cutter. He said it has a huge blade on it and he's swinging it at him. He said he knocks it and it falls out of his hand. He said it lands at Tim's leg. He said everyone is just sitting there. Then the guy just walks over to it, picks it up and slashes Tim across the face from his cheek to his mouth. Then they ran away. Adam said then Tim looks at him and says he thinks he cut him. He said his face was awful so they went to St. Vincent's and got it sewn up. He said there's still a bit of a scar there today. He said he was the nicest guy too so it's sad. He said the moral of the story is don't say anything if someone says something like that to you.
Howard said that Adam's Hanukkah song was a huge hit. Adam said he just updated it this year. He said that he's updated it a few times. He said he did it recently because Judd Apatow asked him to do a show and he had to come up with some new stuff. He said that he did the song and said that it's tough to mention that Jared from Subway is one of them. He said that Rodney used to ask him why he'd tell everyone he's a Jew. Adam said that his dad used to ask him that too.
Howard asked if Dennis Miller gets mad at him for not putting him in his movies. Adam said Dennis doesn't give a shit. Howard said that Drew Barrymore said some nice things about Adam too. Adam said she did. Howard said that she claims they were never lovers but he doesn't believe that. Adam laughed.
Howard asked if Lorne fired Adam from Saturday Night Live. Adam said NBC fired him, not Lorne. He said that they had to make a move and get more people in there. He said that he thinks they got new guys running it over there and they had to make some changes. Adam said that he wondered why they wanted him to come back after they fired him. He said he'd do stuff at Madison Square Garden and he'd say yes because he wanted to be part of it. Howard said he always thought he was funny when he would do award shows and things. Adam said he was prepared just so he could be as good as he could be.
Howard asked Adam about bringing the movie Billy Madison to Lorne and he kind of put it down. Adam said he was doing Tommy Boy at the time. He said that they had committed to that a week or so before. Adam said that was called Billy the Third at first. He said that he was Billy Madison and it was okay that he got rejected. He said that he was still a young guy and he figured he just had to get it done some other way. He said that Lorne made him everything that he became so he was never mad at Lorne. He said he would get mad if they didn't put his stuff on Saturday Night Live but that was week to week.
Howard said that Happy Gilmore came out after Billy Madison. Howard said he didn't need Lorne. Adam said he learned how to do it on his own and he learned more and more. He said he got to do what Lorne does but in his own world. He said that he likes to put his friends in his movies. He said that Lorne would always say to him that you don't have to feel like you have to take care of everyone. Howard said it is a weird thing to be a producer. He said he's still the boss. Adam said he doesn't feel like he is. Adam said that his first instinct is that he doesn't want to let anyone down. Howard said you feel like you can't let people down. He said that he asks his friends to be in it and then he promises that it'll be good. He said he does screenings and it works and he'll tell them that it works. He said then that Friday when the movie opens they get destroyed. He said he wants people to see it without reading the reviews.
Howard said in his career he never got a good review. Howard said that everyone thought he would never work in New York and it could never last. Howard said that here he is still doing it and signing a new contract for 5 years. Adam said that it is amazing what Howard has done. Robin said the critics are never going to understand Adam. She said his fans will though.
Adam said that if someone calls and says he's good he doesn't know how to take it. Howard said he doesn't read Twitter anymore. Adam said he's not on Twitter. He said he has a company who tweets stuff for him. He reads it and he's like ''I never said this!''
Howard said that Drew Barrymore seems to think that they're kindred spirits. He said that she said that she and Adam can make movies together and they'll be hits. Howard said that Drew calls him up and wants to meet with him. Howard asked why he met with her. Adam said anyone who wants to meet with him about a movie he's willing to talk to.
Howard said that Adam's brother helps run his company. Adam said the guy is like his dad. He said he knows what to do with the money. Howard asked what he does with his money. Adam said that he'll call up and ask and when the market crashed last year his brother said ''that one hurt'' when he asked how he did.
Howard asked if Adam votes. Adam said not every time. Howard asked if he's a tea party kind of guy. Adam said that he isn't. Adam said he met Mayor Guiliani and he is his guy to this day. He said if he meets someone he's going to like them. Howard said that's a dangerous thing. Adam said he likes when Howard talks about politics and talks about Israel. He said that his parents are very pro-Israel and he liked Howard going off on Roger Waters. He said he's disgusted by what Roger said. Howard asked if he's very religious. Adam said that he is proud of being a Jew. Howard said his wife converted for him. Adam said he is a proud Jew.
Howard asked if his wife had to convert. Adam said that he's been with her 18 years. He said that he met her at a party that his agent took him to. He said that they sat next to each other at this party that they met at.
Howard asked Adam if he has ever gone to therapy. Adam said he did go 2 times a week for a while. Howard said he was going 4 days a week for a while. Howard said that it did help him. Adam said he met his wife and it was love at first sight. He said he couldn't stop staring at her. He said that she was very cute. Adam said that he couldn't believe this girl liked him. Adam said that they fell in love immediately.
Howard said that Adam met with Drew Barrymore and they did The Wedding Singer. Howard said that movie made a lot of money. Adam said it made life a lot easier. Howard asked if he started hearing from everyone. Adam said the studios were all saying ''lets make a movie.'' He said that Drew liking him in the movie made it okay to like him. He said that she made him look like something. Howard said he made The Water Boy after that and that made $180 million. Howard said that must have made him feel invincible. Adam said that what made him feel good was that so many people rejected it. Then Disney said yes to him and he loved them. He said they got it.
Howard said Big Daddy came out and that made over $230 million. Then he started his own production company and made movies himself. Howard said it's un-fucking-believable. Howard said he's grossed over 4 billion dollars. Howard said that's like more than the Star Wars guy. Adam said it is tremendous.
Howard asked why the Netflix deal. He asked if it's the freedom. Adam said that's part of it. Howard said that Adam has done The Ridiculous 6 for Netflix. Howard said that it's a tribute to Mel Brooks almost. Adam said it's not Blazing Saddles at all. He said that he has met Mel Brooks. Howard asked where he met him. Adam said he's met him a few times. He said he was in Hotel Transylvania as his father. Howard said that's another big money maker. Adam said it is. Howard said he has the numbers on that too.
Howard said that Adam turned down Tarantino to play the Jew Bear in that movie. Adam said he was shooting another movie at the time. He said he was going to do it though. He said that they were shooting in Germany and he wasn't able to do it. He said it would have been fun to do that. Howard said that his scripts must make it hard to see what it's going to be like. Adam said he goes the distance and his movies always look great. He said that would have been a great one to be in.
Howard said that the second Hotel Transylvania movie grossed over $400 million. Adam said it's enough. He said that he went to see Dice do a show on opening weekend. He said that he does check in to see if he can still make movies. He said the Netflix thing came out this weekend and it was so nice because there was no pressure. Adam said that he did have a nice creative feeling. He said that it's nice because there's no pressure from it all. Howard asked what kind of deal he got there. Adam said it's probably like what Howard got there at Sirius. He said he heard Howard is only doing 3 days a week now.
Howard asked if the Ridiculous 6 is a movie. Adam said it is. He said he's doing 4 movies for them. He said that he shot one with Spade. Howard said he loves Spade. He said he loves Rob Schneider too. Howard said that American Gigolo is one of the funniest movies he ever saw. Howard said he loves Rob. Adam said Rob loves Howard too.
Howard asked if it was awkward with Rob when he didn't do the second Grown Ups. Adam said Rob wants to do his own thing and that's cool. He said he wants to do more with Rob but he wanted to do his own thing. He said he doesn't think it was about money. He said he's in Ridiculous 6. He said Rob texted him this morning and wished him luck on Howard's show today. He said all of the guys love Howard. He said he's so glad to be on the show. Robin said they have said nice things about him. Adam said he heard those things too. He said he's just glad he's there.
Howard said that he's glad Adam came in today. Adam thanked him for not making him uncomfortable. Howard said he's going to get him and Lorne together to make up. Adam said they're all good. He said he has no problem with anyone. Adam said that Lorne told him that he can host anytime. Howard said maybe he should do it. Adam said it feels good doing this show. Adam said that when he puts pressure on himself he doesn't know what happens. He said that he was loose in dress rehearsals at Saturday Night Live because he knew no one would see him. He said he was great at stand up 20 years ago. He said he was playing giant places and he could say anything because no one was recording him on cell phones. He was a filthy comedian and people don't know that. Howard said he used to play that ''At a Medium Pace'' song all the time. Adam said he knew about that.
Howard said Adam has said it all. Howard said he's there to tell people about Ridiculous 6 and everyone should go watch it. Adam said that he appreciates the creative freedom they gave him over there. He said that when he was on MTV 25 years ago it feels like that. He said that he's going to finish what they asked him to do and maybe they'll do more in the future. Howard said maybe he could do Fartman over there. Adam said he was at the awards show that night when he did Fartman. Howard said he almost lost his fingers that night. He said Lars kicked him in the ass for upstaging them that night. Howard said he came down as Fartman and he was just thinking of himself. He said he kept showing his ass out there and Lars kicks him. He said they started to lift him and the wires started to spin and he almost lost his finger.
Adam said he remembers Howard starting out and then he starts getting big after going on Letterman. Howard said he put so much energy into his Letterman appearances. Adam said then Howard got more confident and every rock star loved him. He said he hung out with Kinison. Howard said he wasn't a drug guy at all, right? Adam said he drinks and gets hammered a couple times a year. He said he doesn't even smoke weed. Howard said Kinison did it all. Adam said he got to hang out with him and Pauly and other guys. Howard said Sam would beat guys up if he didn't like them. Robin said he attacked Ron Zimmerman on his show. Howard said Ron was a writer on that show where Sam was a little guy who lived on another guy's shoulder and Kinison beat the guy up.
Adam said that Quinn is another big fighter. He said he's got some anger in him. Howard said Adam hangs out with Seinfeld too. Adam said that he has hung out with a lot of those guys. Howard said that they didn't know how to use Chris Rock on Saturday Night Live. Adam said that even Chris didn't know how to be Chris back then.
Adam said he has to get home to his kids. He said that he has some things he has to do. He said Chris Rock is out in L.A. doing stuff and he has to get home to his daughter too. Howard asked what happens when he shows up to his kid's school. Adam said that little kids are happy that he's Dracula. Howard said that there must be people who want to get to his house to see what's going on and they have their kids befriend his kids. Adam said Howard must have had that too. Howard said of course he did. Howard said he can't imagine what happens when Adam shows up. Adam said he goes to the school and drops the kids off. He said they watch them do the flag and all of that.
Howard said he must have a lot of time with guy friends. Adam said that he doesn't do shit at night anymore. He said he went to the Nets game last night and knocked back a couple with some friends. Adam said they saw Laurence Fishburn out and he came over and hung out with the guys. He said he got home around 2 and wasn't able to sleep. Adam said that he watched some music stuff on TV. He said he watched Byron Allen doing a show with Chelsea Handler. He said he likes her too. Howard asked who he doesn't like. Adam said no one in particular. He said he's more or less competitive.
Howard said that he's able to sleep more now that he's not as angry as he used to be. He said he has friends in the business now. Robin said Adam is friends with Kevin James too. Adam said he is. He said that he puts him in holds that he can't get out of. Adam said that his friend fucked with Kevin and Kevin threw his club down and got him in a hold that he wasn't able to get out of.
Howard asked Adam if he can golf. Adam said he used to. He said he hasn't done it since he had his daughter. Adam said his wife still loves him too. He said she still thinks he smells good. He thinks she prefers him showered of course.
Howard asked if Adam will tell his kids not to be actors. Adam said that his Sadie does some stuff in his movies. He said it's fun to do that. He said they come out and hang out all summer with him. He said that his daughter will tell him she wants to be a main character in a movie. Adam said Netflix is the biggest deal to them. He said that's all they watch.
Howard asked if Adam has ever hired a band like Cheap Trick to do a show. Adam said that his neighbor had The Who and Zeppelin. He said they invite him over all the time but he can't go. He said they had the Foo Fighters there too. He said the following year it was just Daltrey singing in their dining room. He said it was for like 30 rich guys. Howard said that he knows a rich guy who invited him and he was in the guy's living room and it was Elton John doing a full concert. The next year it was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers doing that. Howard said these guys have so much money that a million bucks is like 10 grand to them.
Howard asked if Adam gets a private jet. Adam said he has the Netflix jet to fly home on. Howard gave him a plug for that. Adam said he was asked to do Howard Stern and he said yes because he wanted to do it anyway. He said he thinks that Netflix hired the plane but it doesn't say Netflix on the side.
Adam said that he heard Howard went on vacation with Aniston. Howard said that Adam did a movie with her. Howard said she's hot. Howard asked if he ever tongued any of these girls. Adam said he can't do that. Howard said maybe he could simulate sex. Adam said he can't do that. Howard said he had a boner when he did his movie. Howard said he had a boner in the tub with that girl. Robin said Howard couldn't get out of the tub. Howard said he had to go upstairs and beat off. Robin said she was on the set that day wondering why he was bent over. Howard said that Adam must get a boner. Adam said his wife gets tight with the girls so that doesn't happen.
Howard gave Adam some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Adam said if they're done they're done but he can stick around. Howard said he could go another 7 hours. Howard said that Adam is way more social than he is. Adam said Kevin James is more social than he is. Howard said he went out to dinner with him. Howard said he wont take pictures with anyone because he looks like shit. Adam said Howard looks good. Howard asked if Adam worries about getting older. Adam said he doesn't want to die. He said he likes his house and his wife and all of that. He said he's a nervous wreck about dying.
Howard asked if Adam's mom wanted to move in with him. Adam said that the mom's love each other. He said that they can sleep in the same bed together. Howard said just wait until you see the headline tomorrow about who is sleeping in the same room.
Adam said that his dad would tell him that it's fine that he was going to die because he had a great life. He said that he had cancer and he hid that from them. He said he died at 68. Howard said that's why he is so well adjusted. Howard said he must have smoked like a fiend. Adam said he did. Adam said his dad was trying to tell him he was sick when he was getting married. He said that he would say he was going to get married and have kids and he wanted his dad to be around for that. He said his dad said to him once that he had better hurry that up. Adam said he didn't get the clue. He said like 4 months later he told him he was sick. He said the first thing he said to him was that he'd make it to the wedding in 3 months. He said that Rodney came to his wedding and he was sick too. He said that his father loved Rodney and they were in a room and his dad was in a sling from breaking his arm. He said that Rodney came in asking ''where's the guy who's dying?'' Howard asked how many guys can get away with that? Adam said Rodney was great at the wedding. Howard said that he did the Tonight Show and Rodney saw him on there and called him to tell him how much he liked that appearance. He said he was shocked. He said he loved Rodney. He said he was such a genius. Howard said that story is heartbreaking.
Howard said that his dad made it to the wedding at least. Adam said he died like a month later. He said that the kids bring him up all the time. He said the kids say they wish that Grandpa Stanley was there. He said they wanted to know him. He said they talk about him like he's there though. He said his dad was a bad ass Jew. He said that they do make Jews like that too. He said he wasn't James Caan but he was a cool guy. He said that his friends would tell him stories about him and they all thought he was a cool dude.
Howard gave Adam another plug for the Netflix movie and went over some of the stuff that they learned today. Howard mentioned that Adam was an entrant in that contest back in 1984. He said that Kid Rock and Johnny Knoxville got on the show early on with some of their stuff too. Hard said he doesn't know how to identify talent. He said he identifies Tan Mom.
Howard said Adam could have said no to the Netflix deal. Howard asked Adam if he could fly any of them on there. Adam said he has room. He said he has 4 guys with him. He said sometimes you'll see someone asking to fly to L.A. and they'll throw them on the flight. Adam said that they have some good food on the flight too. He said they'll get catered Chinese on the flight. He said it might be ribs and chicken though. Howard asked if he's going to eat like a pig. Adam said he's going to try to calm down. Howard asked if he will shit on the plane. Adam said he fears that will happen with one of his friends.
Howard said Adam has been doing it all. He said that he's doing better than Lorne Michaels. Adam said ''Oh come on.'' Howard said he's got something going on there. He said that it wasn't very clear what went on at Saturday Night Live. He said that it's not very clear.
Howard gave Adam some plugs and Adam said that the movie can be seen any time and around the world. He said that it was slow in Japan but it's picking up from what he's been told.
Adam told Howard that Jackie the Joke Man used to be really good to him when he was starting out in stand up. Howard said that Jackie will figure out a way to get himself on Netflix. Howard thanked Adam for coming in and wrapped up and went to break.
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Howard said that the private jet thing sounded really good to him. He said that he'd be asking for egg whites and crap like that. Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody.
Robin started her news with a story about how the only hold up in this was money. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin said that they say ''someone close'' to the negotiations said that it was money. Howard said he doesn't care if they make that up. Howard said money is always a stumbling block. Howard said maybe it's Fred because he doesn't talk to him. Howard said that they do say snitches get stitches. JD said they say that in prison.
Robin said it's holiday season and every establishment has their thing. Robin said that Mariah Carrey's Christmas song has been toppled from the top spot. Robin said that she doesn't have the number 1 song this year. Robin went through the top 10 Christmas songs that will be playing this year. She had Howard playing each song. Howard threw in some song parodies too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they checked on Sirius stock today. Howard said it went up through the roof. He said it's like $5000 a share. A short time later Howard said it actually went up 2 percent. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break Howard came back and said that High Pitch Eric is sending them hateful emails because he won't give him a Flat Ronnie. Howard got Eric on the phone and read some of the emails that he's been sending. Eric claims that he's done with the show until he gets a Flat Ronnie. JD said he's left voicemails too. Howard said he was probably going to give him one but now he won't because he's being an asshole.
Shuli came in and said that he keeps texting him about how stuck up JD is. He said that he's leaving voicemail too. Eric said he loves Howard and Howard knows it. Howard said he has two people he doesn't understand. Eric made a weird noise and Howard wondered what that was. Eric said he spit out some food.
Howard played the voicemail he got from Eric. He said this will decide what happens. Eric said he wants his Flat Ronnie and they promised him one a month ago. Eric called JD a piece of shit. Howard said that this is their day and not Eric's so he's not going to give him one. He said Eric is not getting a Flat Ronnie. Howard said no one has ever said no to Eric. Eric said he's going to the studio today. Howard said it doesn't matter. He said he's not giving him one. Eric said he's going to put Flat Ronnie by a window somewhere. Howard said he's not giving him one. Shuli told him to make a statement to win Howard over. Eric told everyone he loves them all. That was about it. Howard asked if he would blow Gary for a Flat Ronnie. Eric said yes but Gary said ''NO!'' Howard said Gary is going to get blown tomorrow. Eric was willing to do it. Gary said Eric must have thought about this. Howard let Eric go after that.
Robin asked Howard if he knows where some national monuments are. Howard said he doesn't know. He asked her not to embarrass him. Howard said he just made a new deal so he's not going to answer. Robin went over some of those places and told Howard where they are located. Robin said they say that they need to educate people more about where they are. Howard said he doesn't even know how to get home from work. He said he's embarrassed by it and it's a real problem. Robin asked Howard if he knows what the big circle is there in the city. Howard said it's Columbus circle. Robin said that's right. Howard said that he knows.
Robin read a story about an NBA referee who has announced he's a gay man. Robin read about that and Howard mentioned that he's done having people congratulate him on signing a new deal. He said he doesn't want anymore carrying on. He said it's just a regular day.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to say he's very appreciated. She said he makes her mornings. She said that there is no other but him. Howard thanked her for that. The caller said this was very good news today. Howard said it's fine when people call in to congratulate him. Howard asked people not to write to him because it fucks up his inbox. He said he doesn't want anyone congratulating him over email or in person. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a top 10 list of the most searched for celebrities on Bing. Robin read about who was on that list.
Robin read about how Kim Kardashian will be eating her placenta and she announced that recently. Robin said that she'll be having the placenta freeze dried and she'll have it made into a pill form so she doesn't get Postpartum depression.
Robin read a story about the investigation into the San Bernardino shootings. Robin said that they're saying that they just recently found some of the online posts of the woman, Tashfeen, who had posted about a violent Jihad. Robin had some more details about that. That led to Fred ringing the ISIS Hotline phone. Howard said not today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's very excited about his announcement. He congratulated him on that and said it's great news for Journalists. Howard thanked him for calling him a journalist.
Robin read about how Pete Rose won't be reinstated this year. Robin said he's like a guy who comes up for parole every year and he's turned down. Robin said that the commissioner has decided to leave his lifetime ban in place.
Robin read a story about Obama making an announcement about how Jihadi John was killed last month. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Howard said that Mariann from Brooklyn can't calm down. Howard took her call and she was still screaming and yelling about how happy the fans are. She said that everyone is congratulating him. She said she can't believe it's 5 more years. Mariann said she fucking loves him. Howard said he loves her too. Howard hung up in the middle of a scream. Howard said her husband's ears must be bending. Robin said he must be deaf by now.
Howard took a call from Balls who was excited about the new contract signing. He asked if Beth is going to give him sex tonight. Howard said he's not sure. He said he told Beth yesterday that he signed. He said he tracked her down and told her and she said congratulations honey and he said ''yeah!'' He said she wasn't screaming like Mariann. He said he'd like more of that. Howard said he may just beat off tonight instead. He said he would like to take Beth out to dinner at some point. Howard said that he'd like to bring Robin out too.
Robin read a story about the GOP Debate that's on tonight. Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about the debate. Robin read about some Black Lives Matter rally people causing a ruckus at a Donald Trump event.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they gave Howard a shout out on Headline News. Howard said they're happening. He said you know you're happening when Headline News covers it.
Robin said the new Star Trek trailer is out. Robin said there are people who saw Star Wars last night and some people are talking about it. Robin had some audio of someone who saw the movie last night. Howard said there is some good feedback about it already. Robin said that the movie premiered on 3 screens last night. Howard said it sounds like they did a good job with it. Robin said it opens on Friday.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that he liked what Robin did for Howard this morning. He said he almost cried himself. He said he's so grateful for what he does. Howard said he ran into Mike when he was in Tampa with Bubba a few years ago. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin's words were very nice this morning. Howard said Robin stole the moment for herself. Howard said that her words were very nice. Howard let him go after that. Howard said they have great fans and he's glad to be with them.
Another caller said he wants to blow Howard to show his appreciation for Howard. Howard said he was just handed a note that he has to return in 10 minutes because it's tomorrow's show already. He ended the show around 11:45am.
Jon said that the one reaction that got to him was Robin's reaction. He said that she spoke from the heart and said she didn't know what the last 5 years were going to entail. She almost lost her life. Jon said that they heard the love she has for Howard and the show. Jon said that Howard was looking for more people to come in but how do you follow Robin? Jon said he thinks everyone is excited that they're back.
Jon said congratulations to everyone including Rahsaan. Rahsaan said that he doesn't have to go back to the life of robbing white people now.
Jon said the show quickly became about Benjy and how Robin didn't let him visit her in the hospital. Jon mentioned that High Pitch Eric won't be getting a Flat Ronnie. He said that's what the poll is about today. Jon asked Rahsaan for the details. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Should High Pitch Eric get a Flat Ronnie?'' and the choices were ''Yeah!'' or ''No Way.''
Jon said he thinks that High Pitch Eric has told some people that he has a Flat Ronnie and he's upset that he can't get one. Jon said maybe he thought he was going to have one and now he doesn't so things aren't looking good for him. Rahsaan said that makes sense. He said it sounds like maybe he told Donnie Wahlberg he could get one. Jon said that JD was very vociferous about High Pitch Eric not getting one. He said that right now High Pitch Eric won't be getting one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's very exciting news for everyone. He said he doesn't think High Pitch Eric deserves a Flat Ronnie. He said Robin's speech was amazing today. He said that he had chills down his back after hearing that and the announcement. He said he has to thank them for all of that. Jon said that the fans weren't the only ones with chills. He said everyone was moved by what Robin had to say. Jon said that everyone likes to bust balls but that was a special moment.
Jon said that Mariann called in and screamed about it a little while later. He said Sal delivered a speech and said there were no words for it but then used a lot of words. He said Sal should never be off the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a story about his health. He said he had prostate cancer and with Howard and the guys and some marijuana he worked his way through it and now he's cancer free. He said if they can get him a Flat Ronnie he'll put it in his truck and show it to everyone in the world. Jon said that he'll put him on the list for the Flat Ronnie. He said that Howard is being very selective with who gets one. Jon also congratulated him on being cancer free. Jon said he's thrilled that Howard wants to keep doing this.
Rahsaan asked Jon if he thinks that they'll ever give away all 40 of the Flat Ronnies. Jon said he thinks so. He said Howard just wants to make sure that everyone who has one gets it out there for everyone. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that he wants to talk about Howard asking people not to come in and congratulate him. He said it seems like it's become some kind of burden. Gary said you're dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Gary said it's like if everyone listens to Howard then he might think no one appreciates him. He said if they don't listen then he thinks they don't appreciate him. He said he would leave Howard alone. He thinks that Howard knows he appreciates it. Gary said that if he gave him shit about it he could say something. He said if you bother him you can't take it back. Gary said he was being serious about being there his whole life. Gary said this will be 37 years after this contract is up. He said he'll be 60 something and he'll have spent almost all of his working life with the show. Jon said Ronnie, Fred and Robin have been there too. He said it doesn't happen in this business. Gary said when they're done they'll have been together for like 38 years and more.
Jon said a lot of times you spend more time at your job than you do with your kids. Jon said they spend a lot of time together. Jon said that Howard said he appreciates all they do for him but all of them appreciate it too. He said they're not there without Howard. Gary said that people asked him about what was up with his contract. He said he told them that he didn't sign anything because Howard hadn't signed and people think they'd keep him if Howard wasn't there. Gary said he knows that's not going to happen.
Jon asked Gary about what he thinks about Sal. Gary said they have to wait to hear and when the audience heard it the staff heard it. He said he thinks there was a huge sigh of relief. He said that you have to have that before you can have joy. Jon asked if he heard the joy in JD's voice. Gary said he's never heard joy in his voice. Jon said he did when he won the fantasy football pool. Gary said that happened just once.
Jon got in some plugs for the 10 Years of Satellite special that's coming up on Christmas. Jon also moved on to talk about Adam Sandler. Jon said that he thought it was a great interview. Gary said that Adam came in and he had a couple of friends with him. He said that it was loose and fun. He said Adam was out in the hall talking and chatting. He said he mentioned a bunch of things about the show and all of that. He said he knew it would be a good interview because he was just there to hang. Jon said he saw him out there and Adam kept asking how he was doing. He said he doesn't have to be that guy. Gary said it doesn't come across as bullshit. He said that he has a lot of money and he doesn't have to be that guy. Gary said Dave Grohl is like that too. He said they're just who they want to be.
Gary said Adam was great today. He said he loved that he brought up the stuff about Howard giving him shit. He said they discussed it right off the bat. He said it kills him that he was a superfan and they busted his balls. Jon said he submitted songs to the contest. Gary said that the odds are that he or Fred were the ones who listened to the songs. He said that you'd put the cassette in and listen and throw it in a box depending on if it was good or not. Gary said that he loves they did a contest that Adam didn't win. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Howard mentioned there's a video component coming back. Jon said he doesn't know the specifics but is Gary back on the treadmill? Gary said he will be as of January 4th. He said he has a trainer and a plan. He said that he isn't sure when it's starting but when they bring equipment in there he'll be on the treadmill. Gary said Benjy is thin already. He said JD doesn't give a shit so he doesn't think he'll do anything. He said JD will walk but that's about it. Jon asked if Sal's makeup bag will return. Gary said it's all coming back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's never heard Howard sit down with anyone that long. He said it was two hours. The caller said he says no to High Pitch Eric having Flat Ronnie. He said hell no to that. Jon said he thinks that High Pitch Eric has promised it somewhere. He said now he can't deliver. Jon said maybe he told his pal Donnie or something. Gary said he is really infantile. He said that he doesn't understand why he wants it. He said he just thinks he needs it. Jon said he wants it because it's his. Gary said he wants it because everyone else has one and he should have one too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sandler is like second only to Springsteen. He asked what got him on the show. Gary said he's been working on Adam for maybe 10 years. He said a lot of things push it over the edge. He said sometimes the planets have to align. He said the Drew Barrymore thing got back to him and his publicist, the Netflix guys and all of that work together to make it happen. Jon said he thinks that Adam heard good things and he just wanted to do it. He said Adam talked about what happened in the past. He said you will never hear a free form interview with Adam Sandler like that again. He said it's just with Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Rahsaan is doing a good job with the poll over there. The caller said that interview was longer than most of Adam Sandler's movies. He said that he wasn't in a rush and he was a fan of the show and it was fantastic. Gary said the thing that makes those interview interesting is when someone doesn't do a lot of interviews and they come in and enjoy themselves it goes a long way. Gary said his wife isn't a huge Adam Sandler fan but she listened and texted today. He said she told him that he came across as a really nice guy. Gary said he told her that he really is a nice guy.
Jon said that it's when the guests say they're real comfortable there that makes it great. He said Adam opened up about a ton of things. He said it was so good when he talked about his neighbors having The Who and Zeppelin playing at their house.
Jon took a call from Mark Grant the San Diego Padres announcer who called Gary a douche bag. Gary said he hopes that he doesn't want a Flat Ronnie. Mark said he would like to take a Flat Ronnie to Citi Field next year when he's there. Gary said that's actually a good idea. Jon asked if High Pitch Eric should be able to get one. Mark said no way to that. He said you want it in someone's hands who can do the right thing with it. Gary said Flat Ronnie to Eric is becoming the Bobo Free Summer kind of thing.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said that 80 percent said no, Eric should not get the Flat Ronnie. Jon asked what he could do to get one of these. Gary said Eric is one of those persistent pain in the ass kind of guys. He said that he's not sure other than blowing him. Gary said that doesn't want that to happen. He said Howard told him to get down there for that but it won't be happening.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 12:30pm.
Howard started the show talking about how he's been doing the Little Lupe ''Oh my god... penis'' thing. He said they invited her on and she said no or something. He said she was mad about something. Robin asked what they did. Howard said she decided she anted to change her image and become a singer and not be a porn star anymore. Fred played a few of her clips. Howard laughed about her music career.
Howard said Quentin Tarantino is coming in today. He said he has a new movie out and he's got a lot of controversy around him because of some statements he made about the cops. Howard said he heard that The Hateful Eight is really good. Howard said he's only showing it in 70mm right now but they will open it digitally too. Howard said that they're doing it for people like Gary and other maniacs like him.
Howard said yesterday was very strange for him. He said he was really crabby yesterday. He said it was an exciting day and he thinks he was just stressing out because for a couple of months he's personally been going through what he wants to do with his future. He was talking to Sirius and some other companies about the future. Howard said that it was becoming more obvious to him that he wanted to do something important and move forward. He said he kept coming back to Sirius. Howard said he knows everyone there and he wanted to come back there. Howard said they don't interfere with the show. Howard said he loves being on satellite. He said he used to wake up with nightmares on terrestrial radio. He said he'd have ideas for something to do on the show and he couldn't do it. Howard said they have a Christmas special today and that's been a nightmare. He said he's all stressed out about Robin coming over for dinner on Christmas. Howard said Beth has been away promoting her book. He said just go out and get it because it's for charity.
Howard said he has figured out why he's been crabby. He said the Christmas special they may not even get to today. He said they might do it in January. He said that he'll run through the plot so everyone knows what it is. Howard said the special is basically this. He said he's at home and Beth is away promoting her book on FOX and Friends. Howard talked about how Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving that show. He said that Steve Ducey double teams Elisabeth with that Brian Kilmeade. Howard said that Beth told him that they want her to fill in over there. He said that they have a pretty conservative view point going on there so if you host then you might be considered kind of crazy. Howard said that they're pretty hard core.
Howard said they went out on the street and asked people about the war on Christmas. Howard had clips of Wolfie asking people about that. There were people who felt like there is a war on Christmas and they can't mention Christ's name and tell them that Jesus loves them and kids don't even know who Jesus is. Howard said none of this even makes sense. Robin said this lady should stop thinking because it doesn't work well.
Howard asked Vinnie what he has to say. Vinnie said that they are number 2 in the late night ratings. He said that Seth isn't even part of that. Howard laughed. Howard asked Vinnie how much he's put into that play of his. Vinnie said he's put in over half a million. He said it's going to be down in Argentina this year. Howard said he overshot Broadway by about a million miles. Vinnie said they're being paid good money to do a Spanish production. Howard said Vinnie's play has been going for like 8 years now and he pumped in his own money into it. He said that's his nest egg that he used up. Howard said his wife is pulling her hair out. Vinnie said it's a beautiful show and it'll be back this year.
Howard started singing and making up his own lyrics for Vinnie's play. Vinnie said he's an asshole. Howard asked Vinnie how he gets to invest. Vinnie said you can go to HereafterMusical.com. Vinnie said that Les and Dave Letterman invested in the play. He said that Dave gave him like 5 grand. Vinnie said he wasn't able to make payroll one week and they helped. He said both Les and Dave gave him the same amount. Howard said don't take money from Les. Howard said he's going to look at him like an idiot. Vinnie said a lot of people look at him that way. Howard said he's proud that he hasn't given him a dime.
Howard asked Vinnie what he has to say about late night. Vinnie said that CBS' late night is doing better than it did a year ago. Howard said that he just read something in the paper and that's what he was talking about. Howard read the article about Colbert's ratings and how Seth Meyers had better ratings. Vinnie said that was a vacation week. He said they're ahead of Kimmel. He said they're at 3.2 million and Kimmel is 2.5 million. He said it doesn't mean Kimmel isn't doing a great show. He said that Kimmel is amazing. He said they're just doing their own thing. Howard said Vinnie is doing his show in Argentina. Vinnie said he should play one of his songs because he's not doing it justice. Howard started to make up more lyrics for his own song from Vinnie's play.
Howard said that Les gave Vinnie 5 grand and didn't even go see the play. Vinnie got more into the ratings thing but Howard said that he really has to go. Howard told Vinnie to say hi to Julie for him. Howard got more into that and Vinnie pretended that he had to go because someone was calling him. Howard told him to say hi to Stephen too. He let Vinnie go after that.
Robin said that people weren't focusing on the ratings in that bit Howard did. Howard said he had place a microphone in Julie and Les' house and that's what he was doing that day. Howard said he would turn it on right now but he has too much to do. Robin said they have to find out why he's crabby. Then he went into the bit again where he did the voices of Les and Julie. This time he had Les talking to Julie about how sorry he is for giving Vinnie money for his play. Les and Julie talked about how they're moving that musical to Argentina now. Howard had Les talking about how hot Julie looks and how he wanted to eat her ass. He wanted to put champagne in her ass and make an ass Mimosa. Howard had Les talking about young actresses and how he thinks about them. Julie was eating yogurt off his cock to keep Les happy. Howard had Les saying that it wasn't yogurt and he had accidentally finished. Julie said she enjoys licking the cum off the tip of his cock. Howard had Les asking Julie to spank his ass for hiring Colbert. He had Les telling Julie to put a piece of bacon in her vagina to make him an Egg McPussy.
Howard kept going with the Les and Julie thing for a short time. He asked Robin what she thought of that. Robin said it's amazing breakfast conversation. Howard said those two are really into each other. Howard said then he made Egg McPussy. Robin said McDonald's is testing that out.
Howard went back into the impression and had Les telling Julie to do more weird stuff. Howard said that's a beautiful thing. Howard had Julie telling Les to stretch out her asshole until it looks like the CBS logo. Howard said good job to Vinnie for getting him back on this.
Howard said the first thing was to ask Sirius how they can work together to create this vision. Howard said for a long time it didn't look like it was going to happen but then it all came together. Howard said he believes in this. He said he's not sure that some of this has been done but he thinks it can be done. He said he thinks it will be their legacy. Howard said he's sure that this will be more successful than Vinnie's vision.
Howard said that he brought this to the guys at Sirius a few years ago and they didn't want to do it. He said that they haven't even begun to tap into what they have available to them. Howard said they are all on the same page now.
Howard said yesterday came and he should have been happy but he was stressed out and on overload. Howard said he thinks part of his personality is that he ruins the day for himself. He said he's afraid to be happy. He said he was happy but he was also stressed out. He said he's not sure why. Howard said he thinks that he has that OCD and it ruins everything for him. Robin said that it's like it means the end for something. Robin said that if he ever became happy it would be the end of something. Howard said he didn't get that far into it. Robin said even when he's interviewing people he wants to be happy but he can never reach it.
Howard said having Adam Sandler in there was great. He said he always felt shitty about what he did to the guy. He said he's just a miserable fuck and he would rag on Adam. Howard said that he was such a big fan of the show and he didn't even know. Howard said that he's just a crabby asshole all the time. Howard said he was working on this new thing for 5 years and he can't be happy about it. Howard said this vision of his is coming together and he can't be happy about it. Howard said if he pulls this fucking thing off then ''fuck all of you.'' Howard said see how happy he is?
Howard said he's so glad that therapy has paid off. Howard said he was all stressed out and irritable yesterday. He said the deal came together and this is the start of something great. Howard said that they were laying out the plans yesterday and part of this plan is to keep this stuff on the air even after 5 years. Howard said it will continue on even if they leave in 5 years. Howard said the big plan is for the audience to have fun. Howard said he's walking around like things are great but then ''fuck you!'' Howard said his wife didn't even want to be around him yesterday. He said he walks around like a bear.
Robin said she could tell that Howard was thinking about how he has to work for another 5 years. Howard said that's part of it too. He said he was walking around telling people not to congratulate him. He said he got home and realized all of this stuff finally came together. Howard said he was all crabby about that for no reason.
Fred said he had no idea that it was as big to Howard as it is. Howard said this isn't a simple re-signing. He said this is him moving forward. Howard said it's like when Michael Corleone legitimized the mob.
Gary came in and said that he went home and it really bummed him out that he could work with him for so long and he wasn't able to thank him. Gary thanked him. Howard said he hasn't even explained what this means. Howard said this isn't just him signing for 5 years. He said it's so much bigger. He said that he was all jacked up about it. Fred played a new Baba Booey song parody.
Gary asked if Howard is stressed because now he has to deliver on this thing. Howard said that's not it. Howard said that he has this thing in his head and they have a prototype. Gary said he's seen it. He said it's amazing. Howard said it's all theoretical until he makes it happen. Howard said Sirius believes in him and they have everything under one roof. Howard said it's a big deal and he's happy about it but he walks around crabby. Howard said he has serious issues. He said he makes everything not fun. He said he's making himself miserable. He said he is painting a picture of war torn Syria and it's not coming out that well. He said that he can't believe that Gary's wife paints better than him.
Gary asked Howard if he's less crabby today. Howard said he is. He said he went home and thought. Gary asked if he ever goes home and thinks he's happy. Howard said he hasn't. He said maybe this weekend he will. Gary thanked Howard again. Howard thanked Gary for being a great worker too. He said he is a hard worker. He said he knows black people hate that term ''hard worker.'' Howard said it's a new thing going on. Howard said they're upset because slaves did hard work. Robin said we have to stop this. She said that you can't compare what happened then to what's going on now. Howard said that really is a new thing.
Howard gave the plot of the Christmas special. He said he's at home and Robin is coming over. He said he's cooking Robin dinner. He said he's not faking it like Robin does. Howard said that he and JD are gay and they're going to come out to Robin. Howard got the script and had JD come in to do some of this. Howard said that he's yelling at JD for getting fat and he tells him he liked him when he was thin.
Howard and JD acted out their scene and Howard had JD taking off his pants and shoving things in his ass. Howard said if Quentin shows up he'll shove him in there too. Gary said he's actually waiting in the green room listening to this. Howard said he'll love this.
Howard said Robin comes to the party and they have to tell her that they're gay. Howard said that Robin shows up and Roger Waters is there. Howard said he starts screaming about Israel and how they're the devil. Howard said he clunks Roger over the head with a pot. Howard did that part of the play and had a Roger Waters impersonator reading that part. Howard and Roger were arguing about Israel and all of that. Then he shoves his head up JD's asshole to suffocate him. Then he cuts Roger's balls off and hangs them from the tree. Howard said Roger sounds like The Lump. Roger said he doesn't know who that is. Howard threw him out of there.
Howard said he has to end this because Quentin is there. Howard told Robin more about what was happening in this play. Howard had JD open a beer with his ass. Fred played some sound effects for that. Fred gave JD an enema but Howard said that he has to get to Quentin so he has to end this. JD said he just has to say that the Hateful Eight is great. He said he saw it in 70MM. He said he likes seeing films the way that a filmmaker wants it to be seen. Howard said that he'll watch it on his phone to make Quentin miserable. Howard asked JD to give him the plot. JD tried to explain it but he was stumbling so Howard and the guys goofed on him. JD said he can't say it in one sentence. Howard said he can. He told him to try. Howard asked where he saw the movie. JD said it was at the Village East or something. He said he went with Brandano, Nick, The Lump and they all loved it.
Richard Christy came in and said he loved it too. Richard said you have to see it in the theater. He said that it's beautiful. Howard said he's not sure why it matters to him. Richard said it's just beautiful. He said that JD was rocking back and forth watching the movie. He said that he was studying the shots and all of that with his hand on his chin. Howard said JD is such a fuck. He said he does nothing but he wants to be a director. Howard said he heard that Richard ran to the theater so he was dripping sweat there.
Howard asked if JD was really studying the movie. JD said he was just into it. Howard said he was showing he wants to be a director so he has to study this thing. Howard said he was feeling it more than Quentin. Howard said that he should blow Quentin. Howard said JD is going to be 36 in a week and he hasn't done anything to move his directing along. JD said he knows that. Howard said he should write a script. JD said he would like to but things don't happen for him that easily. He said he's barely written a lot of anything. He said he has to get it out of his head and get it on paper. Howard said he has to stop going on porn sites and jerking off all day. Howard said when his next contract ends JD will be 41. He said that he'll probably be married to that girl he's dating. Howard said JD will be on disability and she'll work.
Howard asked if the guys were distracted watching JD. Richard said he'd look over and laugh. JD said he was just into it. Howard told him to give him the plot in one sentence. JD said he can't do it. He said people get stuck in a shack in a blizzard and people aren't who they say they are. Howard asked why he's so stressed out. JD said he didn't want to say anything wrong. Richard said Kurt Russell is a bad ass in the movie. Howard asked if they think he cheats on Goldie Hawn. Richard said he's not sure why he's asking him. Howard said he should ask Quentin about that. Howard said he should take a break and get to Quentin. Howard said remember where they were in the Christmas special. He said he'll get to that later.
Richard told Howard the soundtrack to Hateful Eight was great too. He told Howard about who did that and told Howard about Jennifer Jason Leigh and how great she is in the movie. Howard asked if there's any hot chicks in it. JD said there's like one. Howard said he's exhausted from this. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Quentin Tarantino is there and everyone is raving about his movie The Hateful Eight. Howard asked Quentin about writing his movies with paper and pen. Quentin said he does that. He said he eventually goes to the computer after his first draft. Howard asked Quentin about the old westerns that he loves and how he comes up with something. Quentin said there's always the inciting idea that gets him to sit down and start writing from scratch. He said in this case it was after watching, for about 6 years, a lot of Virginian episodes. He said the episodes were like 90 minutes long. Howard said he was a fan of Justified too. Quentin said he was and he's bummed it's not on the air anymore.
Howard asked Quentin if he would ever do a show for TV. Quentin said he thinks he would do something for HBO or Showtime. He said he's not sure he would do it for Netflix. He said he doesn't know them very well but if you have to stream something he's not sure how that would look. Quentin said that when they put Harvey Weinstein in the ground he'll be talking about how great he was for letting him shoot on film. He said he will never shoot digital.
Howard asked if it pisses him off that he will see the movie on his phone. Quentin said yes. He said he's not sure how he can do that. Howard said it's so great how passionate Quentin is about this stuff. Howard said he's putting in the 70MM Panavision stuff and he's not burnt out on it. Howard said Quentin has probably won more academy awards than anyone. Quentin said for original screenplays, yes. He said it's awesome to be invited to the party even if you don't win. Howard said Christoph Waltz must want to kiss his ass for doing what he has done. Quentin said that an American equivalent would be like Bryan Cranston for Malcolm in the Middle.
Howard asked Quentin about all of these great movies that he's written. Quentin said that he thinks he'll be remembered for his characters that he's created. He said he's a better writer than anything. Quentin said he's right up there with the greatest writers in the world when it comes to Academy Awards.
Howard said that Quentin was working in a theater scraping cum off the back of seats. Quentin said he was just selling tickets. He said he was actually behind the candy counter there. He said he never had to scrape seats. Howard said he must have seen some dregs of society there.
Howard said he didn't have it easy growing up either. Howard asked if he thought for a time that he was a fluke. Howard asked if he wondered how he was doing it. Quentin said he had something to prove after Pulp Fiction. He said he wanted that not to be the case. He said he wanted it to be about his name and his filmography. He said the first 12 years of his career he knew what he was going to do. He said he wanted to do one after anther. He said he wrote True Romance and then Natural Born Killers and then Reservoir Dogs. Howard said he didn't win an award for that. Quentin said there was no talk about it at all. Howard asked why that was. Quentin said a couple years later the Usual Suspects won for best screenplay author. He said there just wasn't a push for it back then.
Quentin said that he was seen as a writer/director from the beginning. He said then True Romance came out and people knew his writing. He said then Pulp Fiction came out and he was a known entity. Howard said that was something else when that came out. Howard said that's where he got his confidence. Howard said he was on a roll. He said every movie after that did really well. Howard said he had Jackie Brown and that came out the same year his movie Private Parts came out. Howard said he wasn't even nominated for that. Howard said he was robbed. Howard said Titanic won that year and now you look back at it and it's like Nahh.
Quentin said he likes dealing in sub genres and Jackie Brown was a hang out movie. He said you get to know the characters. He said Dazed and Confused is like that. Howard asked about writing and how that works for Quentin. Quentin said that you write in rhythms and you do that to step it from being a talking drag.
Howard asked Quentin about how he came up with the idea for this movie. Quentin said in the last 8 years he was taping random episodes of older shows. He said he'd watch Bonanza or The Virginian. He said that he focuses on the shows that had big guest stars on them. He said they're always strangers that come in and they always have a strange past. He said it's something that hangs over the character's head. He said you have to wait to see if they're a good guy or a bad guy. Howard said that he is right about that. Howard said every episode he's ever liked the person in the show is some douche bag that comes into town. Howard said Quentin decided to do a movie like that. Quentin said he wanted to do a movie that had nothing but those guys. He said that there is no little Joe or anyone like that. Howard said they're all mysterious. Quentin said that you can't quite trust anything they way. He said there is no hero or moral center. Howard said that's brilliant.
Howard asked Quentin if he gets charged up to write this and if it takes months. Quentin said it does take months. He said the ideas is to get himself to start writing. He said it's not torture at all. Howard asked if he writes it in order. Quentin said he does. He said he doesn't really know what's going to happen in the second half. He said he knows how to start it off. He said he has an idea where it's going. He said at the end of Kill Bill he had an idea that she was going to kill Bill but he didn't know how. He said he didn't know that he was going to kill Hitler in Inglourious Basterds until he did.
Howard said Adam Sandler told him that he wrote a part in that movie for him. Quentin said he did. He said he was doing another movie though so he had to give it to Eli Roth instead.
Howard asked if sometimes people just don't get the movie. Quentin said he does ask the actors if they understand the material. He said it's not made for every actor.
Howard said that someone got a copy of the script and ended up putting it on the web so Quentin almost didn't make the movie. Quentin said that was very upsetting. He said he was going to write this one in a different way than he usually does. He said he writes it like a big story from the beginning to the end. He said he might tinker with it from time to time. He said what he wanted to do with this one was write 3 different drafts. He said that way he could spend time with the story and the material. He said the idea was to go through the process 3 times to see what he learned. Howard said that's crazy. Quentin said there's an element in the film that deals with Abraham Lincoln and in one draft it's only brought up once. He said by the second draft he deals with it more and then the third draft has even more. He said that he had to do that to work toward and ending. Howard said he reminds him of a painter. He said he puts that kind of care into a movie script. Robin asked which draft got out. Quentin said it was the first one. Quentin said that was a drag.
Howard asked who he spoke to when this happened to get him to do it because he thought about not making it. Quentin said that Sam Jackson heard about it and said that he should get over that shit and just do it. Quentin said that Sam Jackson likes being a part of all of his stuff.
Howard said that Quentin still watches VHS movies. Quentin said that's only because he can't get a hold of it on more modern stuff. He said that he isn't one of those guys that has to watch stuff on old formats. He said that he would like his material to be around 20-30 years from now. He said that VHS tapes can hold up longer than a DVD. He said you can take a VHS tape and stick it under a couch and let it hold up a leg and watch it a decade later. Howard said that he's still using VHS. He asked if he used Betamax. Quentin said even he moved on from that.
Howard said that Quentin went to an anti police brutality rally and he said some things that got the cops all riled up. Quentin said over the last year and a half he's been watching TV and seeing what's going on out there. He said it never seems to stop. He said it's unarmed people being shot and killed. He said if you talk to black folks they'll say it didn't just start. He said it's just disgusting. He said at some point you think that it'll get so bad that it'll set people off. He said that this has to stop and they have to stop killing people. Howard said then Quentin says what he says and he gets people all riled up after this movie is made. He said now people are saying they're going to boycott the movie. Howard asked if he thought he really fucked up and thought he should have stayed quiet. Quentin said that it was a weird thing. He said he had every right to say what he said. He said he was being misrepresented about what he said. He said they were crucifying him for things he didn't even say. He said he never said that all cops are murderers. He said they need a police force and they were completely misrepresenting him.
Howard said he wouldn't leave the house after that. Quentin said he was getting bombarded. He said he wasn't even calling the Weinstein company's phone calls. He said he had to deal with this on his own. Quentin said he has to do that to get himself out of it.
Howard said the thing that upsets him is that Quentin's dad chimes in and he wasn't around when Quentin was growing up. Quentin said that's not the worst of it but it is interesting that he is out there as his dad and he didn't even know what he looked like until he saw him on Hannity's show. Quentin said there's this funny moment that's on YouTube and you can see him saying that he loves his son and he thinks he got carried away and all of that. Then he says that he was wrong. Then Sean Hannity asks if he expressed that to him. Quentin laughed. He said his answer is so mealy mouthed and then Hannity cuts to something else. He said he wraps it up real quick. Howard said that's because his dad wasn't even there when he was growing up. Quentin said he didn't take it that seriously. Howard said his dad abandoned him. Quentin said he never met him. He said he was out of the picture pretty much from birth. Howard said now the guy is out there talking about his son and he's never been around him. He said it's nice that he loves him. Quentin said that surprisingly he didn't bring it up at Thanksgiving. He said nothing about that guy really bothers him. He said it's more like a big eye roll.
Howard asked if he's not going to have kids because he doesn't want to repeat the past. Quentin said he's not like that. He said he thinks he'd be a great dad. Howard asked if he's getting serious about his new girlfriend. Quentin said that her name is Courtney Hoffman and she's a costume designer on this film.
Howard asked Quentin about being at the premiere of his movie and some chick comes up to him and takes a selfie. Howard said he hates the way he looks and he hates selfies. Howard said that he tells people no. Quentin said he never takes them. He said he hates that shit. He said he doesn't want to do it with people he loves. Quentin said that people don't even know that they do it. Quentin said that they ask for a picture before they even say hello. He said they just want to post it on Facebook. Quentin said he doesn't want to stop his life to pose for a picture and back up the line like he's Santa Claus at Macy's.
Howard asked about the movie opening the week after Star Wars. Quentin said it's just the exclusive engagement. He said they're in 100 theaters that week. He said it opens later wide. He said it's the 70MM week. He said then it opens wide like 3 weeks after Star Wars. Howard said that it has to be a whole plotting and planning. Quentin said there is plotting and planning but the year isn't coming to an end. He said that what would have been optimal was to open in September. Quentin said that would have been fantastic. He said they took too long shooting the movie.
Howard asked how long it took to shoot this movie. Quentin said it was maybe 6 or 8 months. He said they started in January out in Colorado. He said they had a hot January out there so there wasn't snow falling. He said they had stuff to do and never had to stop but they had to wait until February for snow to start falling. Howard asked if Harvey Weinstein ever told him to get this shit going. Quentin said that they were there for a bit look for the 70MM thing. He said they have snow machines but they can't do the whole thing with them.
Howard said he spends years shooting this and he must be shitting his pants now. Quentin said the last couple of movies were really successful. He said they weren't for sure things. Howard said that they were some great movies. He said he reads about what they're about and he wonders if they can be good but they turned out great.
Howard asked Quentin if he thinks that he's treated well in the business. Quentin said he thinks so. He said he thinks that people respect that he's coming from a place of integrity. Howard said he's like a god to some of these people. Howard said he can write and some people can't write jack shit.
Howard asked if everyone has to stick to the script. Quentin said he does pay them to stick to the script. Howard asked if they can change anything. Quentin said if they're right and they think that it's something that their character wouldn't say then they can talk about it. Howard asked if he ever has actors who aren't prepared. Quentin said that has happened. He said that if it's a real bad case, which he hasn't had, then he would do something. He said he tries not to talk to his actors like Howard does to JD. Howard asked if he heard that whole thing. Quentin said he did.
Howard asked if Quentin has thought more about doing a James Bond movie. Quentin said that he doesn't think about that. He said that he liked Spectre but not Skyfall so much. He said that Spectre was a real James Bond movie in his opinion.
Howard asked if anyone ever comes to him and asks for his opinion on a movie. Quentin said that he's not really hired as a consultant. He said that he rarely gets people out of the blue. He said that if a director he knows asks then he will. He said he does it all the time. Howard asked if he has saved any movies. Quentin said he wouldn't put it that way. He said that Kevin Smith had him watch Clerks 2. He said he watched The Mist and things like that.
Howard asked Quentin what he would do with an actor who doesn't know their stuff. Quentin said he would talk to them about how he would like them to come prepared. He said that some people show up kind of knowing it but they get it as the day goes on. He said that's not cool. He said he expects people to know the dialog as if they were on their 4th week on Broadway after a 4 week tryout. He said that's what they should know. He said they should be able to become the character and then the words are theirs. He said it just comes out and when it happens nothing they do can be wrong because they are the character. He said if you talk to them about it they talk about it like you're flying. He said it's like they're outside of themselves.
Howard asked Quentin about some of the actors in this new movie and how they were prepared. Howard asked if Kurt Russell was screwing around at all. Quentin said they are solid as a rock. He said that Goldie is a cool chick. He said he did Death Proof with Kurt and they went out to eat at a dive kind of place. He said Goldie was coming to town and he was looking forward to him meeting her. Quentin said he thought it was going to be a nice Italian place or something but they went to this dive place. Quentin said he arrived early and he never does. He said he was there 15 minutes early. He said he wanted to get a table. Quentin said that he showed up and a football game is on and the place is jam packed with people rooting on their team. He said he was about to walk in with Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. He said that he was prepared for her to look to get out of there. He said she didn't give a shit. He said that was really cool.
Quentin said one funny thing about Kurt and Goldie is that Kurt is a loud mouth. He said she knows how to deal with it. Quentin said they're getting into a discussion about something serious and Kurt is holding court. He said Goldie pulls out a felt pen and she says she's going to let him finish his point but she had this thing that's a talking stick and she's going to hand it to someone else when he shuts the fuck up for a while. Howard said that's brilliant. Howard said she keeps him in line. Quentin said absolutely.
Howard asked Quentin about working in the porno movie store and he wonders if he sees how he conquered Hollywood. Quentin said he does think about things like that. He said that he appreciates what he has. He said he appreciates his spot in the industry too. He said that he came up with people in the 90s and they don't have his situation anymore. He said he doesn't have to cater to things. He said he comes up with this 8 people trapped in a room and he gets to make the movie. He said he never has to worry about getting it made. He said that very few people have that. Quentin said the thing that tickles him is that he's not doing other people's scripts or books for the most part. Howard said he doesn't have to go to the hot actor either. Quentin said he has it like Hitchcock did. He said he can work with the big names but he doesn't have to.
Quentin said it feels very gratifying to have this movie opening and doing its thing. He said he can go a year and a half or two years ago when it didn't exist at all. He said not that long ago it didn't exist at all. He said he started writing and it gives him a lot of gratification. Quentin said he's very fortunate. He said he has a really nice house and he looks around and thinks that his imagination brought all of this. He said it paid for this wonderful lifestyle he has. He said he's very grateful for that.
Howard said he read a story about a statue he has at his house. Quentin said that his friend Greg Nicotero bought him something. Howard said he likes what he just said about how his imagination paid for all of that stuff. Howard said that his dad must be so proud. He said he'll be on Hannity talking about that.
Quentin told Howard about the thing Greg Nicotero bought him. He said he's one of his best friends in the world. He said he's a geek collector like he is. He said he has the original Alien from the movie Aliens. Howard asked if he really collects that stuff. Quentin said he does. He said he likes those old things. Quentin said the thing Greg got him is the statute of the Law Giver from Planet of the Apes. He said he really likes that too. Quentin said it's just fucking cool. He said he goes swimming and he has the law giver looking over him.
Howard said look at you. He said he's got it all going on. Robin asked if he ever thought he wouldn't be able to open the movie with all of the controversy going on. Quentin said he wasn't cavalier about the shit storm he started. He said that he felt attacked by how they were misrepresenting him. Howard asked if he was canceled from anything on his tour. Quentin said no. He said Harvey Weinstein and his company invested a lot in this movie. He said that he can't just back away from it. He said that he can't be cavalier about the business venture he has going on. Quentin said that he has a lot of cop fans and he doesn't think this boycott will keep them from going. He said he thinks some cops would agree with what he said. Quentin said they'll have to see how the boycott goes. He said they scared the shit out of his partners with that. Quentin said they had some tie ins that did go away. He said that they lost a deal with Crystals in the south. He said that was a big deal because this movie is R rated and they were going to have different drink cups and stuff. Quentin said they had to back out and he understands that. He said that was kind of a drag. He said it all seems to be dying down now though.
Howard gave Quentin a plug for the movie and said that JD and Richard saw it and loved it. Quentin said they were both really cool. Howard said it's a great way to see a film in 70MM. He said they have an intermission and everything. Quentin said the thing about the 100 screen thing is that they are playing in a lot of big, big theaters in the big cities. Howard said they're disappearing. Quentin said the theaters are really cool and they're going away.
Quentin said he just learned something the other day. He said it's really bad news and it pissed him off. Quentin said basically it's not the whole country. It's one theater in particular. Quentin said they were going to play at the Pacific Cinerama Dome for 2 weeks and Star Wars was going to play for 2 weeks before them. He said Disney, who owns Star Wars, decided that maybe they wanted to play throughout the entire holiday season. They went to the Cinerama Dome and said they can't honor their contract with the Hateful Eight movie. He said they had a contract with them though. He said that they had the 70MM projectors so they didn't have to bring anything in. Quentin said it's playing there and at the Grumman's theater too. Quentin said as of yesterday Disney came to Arclight and told them that they are going to play Star Wars in the Cinerama Dome for the whole holiday season and if they don't they're going to pull it from all of their Arclight theaters. He said they have the biggest movie in the world and this is one f'ing theater. Howard asked why they're doing this. Quentin said they're going out of their way to fuck him. Howard said that JJ Abrams is a huge fan of this show. Quentin said that it's not the Star Wars people, it's the Disney people. Howard said JJ is going to hear this and get that decision reversed. Quentin said he would love that. He said he would hope that would be the case. Howard said that is too petty. Quentin said it's vindictive, mean and it's extortion.
Howard said there is no one from Disney there to refute that but he understands how he feels. Quentin said he would invite all journalists to call Disney and ask them about their extortionist practices. Howard said they really didn't need to do that to him. Quentin said there are a few movies coming out around this time and none of them are serious competition for Star Wars. Howard said maybe Bob Iger is listening and he'll do something about it. He said they'll have to see what happens. Howard said he heard from his dad that he knew this was going on and he's working for Disney.
Quentin said that his dad, Tony, always wanted to be an actor. He said the pictures he saw of him were him as a child and he was always dressed up in costume. He said the thing is that his dad got together with Sal Pacino and did some movies just so they could put ''Tarantino and Pacino'' on the cover of the movies. He said that his dad wanted to be an actor and his estranged son allowed him to have an acting career in a way. Howard said it's sad. He said it has to be a deep sadness in his heart to have that. Quentin said he has had a lot of wonderful father figures in his life. He said Harvey Keitel told him once that it's better for him to leave if he doesn't want to be there than stay and not want to be there. Howard asked about Quentin's pronunciation of ''Keitel''. Quentin said he's wondering about that now. He said if he's a father figure he should figure it out.
Howard asked Quentin if he would give his dad money if he needed it to stay alive. Quentin said he did reach out to him once he became famous.
Howard gave Quentin some more plugs for the movie and wrapped up. Howard said he wants to see this. Robin said she'll make sure that Howard sees it. Howard told Bob Iger to make sure he doesn't fuck this kid over. Robin said Star Wars doesn't need help. Quentin said one thing he'd like to add is that Miramax was owned by Disney when he made Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction so they don't need to do this. He said he made them a lot of money. Howard said he has to handle this now. He told him not to over do it. Howard said a few more words to Bob Iger to make sure he doesn't screw this guy over. Howard said they have the equipment and all of that shit he cares about and he just wants to show his god damn movie there. He asked Bob to do him a favor and stop it. He told him to be a gracious man. Howard said he wants Quentin to be able to show his movie. He said it's Christmas for Christ sake. Howard said that poor Quentin had his dad on Hannity. Howard said he is upset about this. He said it has to be handled. Quentin said he has faith in him. Howard said he will do him a favor one day like the Godfather. Howard said he thinks it will be handled. Howard said he's not wrong. Quentin said that's very touching. He said he appreciates that. Howard said he's crying and doesn't even know why. Howard said he feels good about this. Quentin said he's never seen Howard do something so sweet. Howard wondered what the hell he's doing. He wrapped up and went to break after that. They played some music and song parodies as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said he got a lot of email about High Pitch Eric. He said people are fed up with him asking for stuff all the time. Howard said that's his thing though. Howard said Eric was calling and threatening off the air yesterday. He said that he threatened to ban Joey Boots from doing the show if he doesn't get a Flat Ronnie. Howard said he's not sure why Eric is so pissed. He said they had a theory on the Wrap Up Show about how maybe he promised one to someone. Howard said he's focused on this Flat Ronnie in a way that he's never seen before. Howard said he's threatening not to do bits for the show anymore. Howard said there's probably a great story behind that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a 20 year fan and he thinks High Pitch Eric deserves one. He said he's done so much for the show over the years. Howard asked what's going on with him though. The caller said he thinks he just wants a piece of the show. Howard said he thinks Eric is going to sell it.
Howard got Eric on the phone. He asked him to tell the truth and he'll figure this out. Eric said he has to apologize about yesterday. Howard said he thinks he's going to get one because of that but he's not going to get one. Eric said someone messaged him on Facebook and asked if he would sell it. He said he won't sell it. He said Donnie Wahlberg wants him as a regular on Blue Bloods. He said he was going to have Ronnie in the jail cell. He kept saying Blue Bloods so Robin said something is going on there. Howard asked Eric how he's getting to the set. Eric said he's in the Access-a-Ride. Robin said if they really wanted Eric there they'd have a car service for him.
Howard said Donnie probably wishes he never met Eric. Eric started saying he will do cool stuff with Ronnie. Howard said he would love to interview the guy driving him right now. Howard asked Eric if he ever tips the guy. Eric said it says he can't tip him on the sheet.
Howard said he's not getting a Flat Ronnie. He said they don't have enough to go around. Howard said he'll give him one if he loses 20 pounds by the time they get back from vacation. Eric asked how they can do that. He hasn't been weighed. Gary asked if he can get there by the end of today or tomorrow. Eric asked how he can lose that 20 pounds by tomorrow. Howard said not tomorrow. He said they'll weigh him today or tomorrow and then weigh him when they get back. Howard said he could make it 10 and he still wont do it. Eric said he could do 10. Gary said they have shit to do and he wonders why he can't get up there. Eric said he has two doctor appointments. He has to go to the psychiatrist and to get an MRI for his back. Robin said it's breaking because he's fat. Howard said he'd make a movie about the doctor he goes to. Eric said he's on a lot of medication because of that psychiatrist. Howard said he'd give him something just to get him out of there.
Howard wished Eric luck on the set. Eric asked if he can come in tomorrow morning. Gary said that's fine. Howard said he has until they get back to lose 10 pounds. He said he doesn't have to starve himself. Eric said he'll call Gary later today to set it up. Howard said he's like a huge, sweaty baby.
Howard said this special is really dragging on. He had JD back in the studio. Howard got back into it with JD and asked Roger Waters to come in. The Roger impersonator (AKA The Lump) came back in doing a really bad British accent. The Lump said that it was better earlier.
Howard got back into it and had Roger ring the bell again. Howard asked why he's out of breath after walking 10 steps. Roger said he's not in the best shape. Howard said he was done with him after he talked for a few seconds. Howard shoved him up JD's ass and suffocated him. Howard said he might hate this guy more than the real Roger Waters.
Howard did more of this special with Benjy and Howard said he thinks he's done with the Benjy part and Benjy says he's not and breaks into song about Howard turning off his microphone.
Howard turned off his microphone in the middle of his song. He said he hates this special. He said he might just have to get to Robin's song. Robin said she didn't have a script so Howard just played the pre-recorded song she did for the special.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he can tell they put a lot of though into this special. Wolfie asked what the 12 year deal is with Sirius. Howard said he thought he explained it first thing this morning. He said that he has a lot of potential. Howard asked if he heard the beginning of the show. Wolfie said he didn't. Howard said go back and listen. Howard said he has to go over this again because he didn't listen. Wolfie said he'll go back and listen now. Howard said Wolfie has been working hard. He has a bunch of stuff to play.
Howard said he's really excited about what they're doing. He said that they all like each other and it feels good. Howard said he has had this plan for like 5 years. He wants to merge audio and video and have this app. He said the app isn't there yet but Sirius is backing him with all of this. He said this thing he wants to create can be done now. Howard said the potential is there for what he has in mind. Howard said if he pulls of 10 percent of what he has in his head then the audience will be blown away. Howard said he has a prototype of what he wants to do and people have seen it. Howard said it's mind blowing. Howard asked if JD saw it. JD said he hasn't. JD said no so Howard said that's good. Gary saw an early version. Howard said Sirius gets what he wants to do. Howard said they can do it now.
Howard said he got crazy thinking about it yesterday. He said that's why he was crabby. Howard said it may take 2 years to create this vision but they are on their way. Wolfie said that was the angriest happy day he's ever seen yesterday. Howard said that he realized that this is his pattern. Howard said he makes himself miserable. Wolfie said he caught himself being that way. Howard said he needed his psychiatrist to help him with that. Robin said he was so angry that he asked people not to congratulate him.
Howard said it's not that they've signed up for 5 years. They've signed up for the future. Howard said that Sirius is making a big commitment to him and he's making one to them. Howard said this is if they can pull it all off. Howard said Sirius says they can. Wolfie said that 12 years is a long time. He said JD will be like 60. Howard said JD has to lose some weight. JD said he's going to try.
Wolfie asked how often JD clips his toenails. JD said that it's every couple of weeks. Wolfie asked if they can see them. JD said no way. Howard said he wants to see them. Howard said they're back in the Christmas special and he's asking JD to take his shoes off. JD said he has ugly feet. Howard asked if he hasn't clipped his toenails. JD told him to get out of there.
Howard asked JD if he washes his feet. JD said sometimes he does. Wolfie said something and JD went off on him asking him to tell them some of the weird shit he does. He called him a shithead.
Howard said he knows there's something going on with his feet. Howard said if he takes his shoes off and shows his feet maybe he'd be willing to do something for him. He said maybe he'll never mention the dog and the porn star thing again. JD said it's too late for that. He said he's not showing him his feet. Howard said he'll stop telling people that he masturbated while he watched a dog lick peanut butter off a porn star. JD told him to stop with that.
Wolfie said that JD probably has black stuff under his nails. JD told him to shut up. Howard said he has JD's feet on the phone. JD's Feet said a few things and Howard thought he sounded like Roger waters so he asked if he was there. The Lump went into that voice too. Howard said he sounds better on the phone. He hung up on him after that.
Howard played a JD Christmas song and said that Ronnie comes in too. Howard said that he's not done with JD though. He said he wants to get those shoes off. Fred kept playing a dog panting clip for JD while he was in there.
Howard said in the special Sal and Richard are gay lovers and they're licking each other's assholes and things. Howard said then Ronnie shows up and reads a poem. Howard had Ronnie come in with his poem. Ronnie said he was thrown into this as the last minute. He said he isn't a writer.
Howard asked Ronnie to help him sweet talk JD with his sex talk. Howard said he wishes JD would do some dirty talk and maybe Ronnie can help with that. Howard asked Ronnie to pretend he's him and have some dirty talk. Ronnie told JD to bend over an drop his pants and then spread his asshole wide open. He said be prepared for him to lick him. Robin asked how you prepare for that. Ronnie told him to get on all fours. He told him to have his ass over the edge of the bed while he licks his asshole. JD said his hole is ready for you, sir. Howard said this is some Christmas special. He said Roger Waters just died in his asshole.
Ronnie told JD he's going to suck his balls until they turn red like Christmas balls. He cracked himself up with that. Howard said that's good. He asked if he's sucking his balls now. Ronnie kept laughing. Howard said that Roger Waters just stuck his head out JD's ass and kissed Ronnie. Ronnie said he can't do anymore.
Howard said he has to wrap up this Christmas special. He said he looked over this poem and the word ''squat'' is in there but he has to tell Robin how he spelled it. Ronnie looked it up and said it was ''skwats''. Howard said we have 5 more years of this. Howard said his vision is coming true. Ronnie read his poem for the special. Howard said this is shit. He said he's like Maya Angelo but more pervy. Howard let him continue with the poem. Ronnie read the rest of that and Howard kicked him out. Wolfie said that was horrible. Ronnie said he'd like to see Wolfie do better. He said he's a fucking dick. He said he can't stand the guy.
Howard said he should get Gary in to do his thing. Howard let Wolfie go too. Wolfie just wanted to see JD's feet. Howard said that's not happening.
Howard had Gary come in and said you can hear him clearing his throat outside when he rings the bell. Gary didn't have his script. Howard said this thing is like an opus. He read what he says to Gary and Gary is outside clearing his throat. Gary cleared his throat and said he would like to sing him a song for Christmas. Howard played his Christmas song which was Gary clearing his throat to the tune of Jingle Bells. They also had the same kind of thing with Jingle Bell Rock.
Howard said they throw Gary out or shove him up JD's asshole. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. He said they just had too much to do today. He said it got all screwed up from the announcement and all of that.
Howard said he was supposed to have Hillary Clinton come in too. Will came in and said that Fred would have to hit it. Howard said he doesn't want Fred to blow his mind. Howard said he needs him for another 5 years. Will asked if he really wants to hear Hillary for real. Howard said not if it's too much trouble. Howard said everyone is excited for 5 more years and this is their special.
Howard said that Roger Waters was terrible. He said JD won't show him his feet. Howard said Gary did a good job and Robin did too. Howard said this is pretty impressive.
Wolfie was still on the phone and he was talking about how many things could be wrong with JD's feet. Howard said he imagines his feet being dark from not being washed. Howard asked if he can see them or not. JD said no. He said if he did show them then it would be made into some major thing. Howard said JD is actually a good sport so he won't bust his balls.
Howard said he saw ton of TV reports about him signing for another 5 years. He said the people at Good Day New York and other places did some nice reports. Howard said this woman Robin Meade did a report about it and she's hot. He said that he didn't know who she was. Howard said he guarantees that her tits aren't real.
Howard said there were some other reports that he had to play. Gary said there's one of this guy who does the sports report and he did nothing but references to the show in his sports report. Gary said it's like 5 minutes long but he can bail on it at any point. Howard played some of that report where this sports guy had a bunch of references right off. Howard said he likes this guy. Howard played more of that report and the guy made reference after reference. Howard said imagine you hear this and don't know the show. He made references to Big Foot, Beetlejuice, Richard, Sal, Eric the Actor and more. Robin said this is so cool. Howard said he might have to listen to the whole thing. Howard asked if this guy Jason Fielder is a big deal. Gary said he just knows he's on in Michigan.
Howard said that Matt Lauer made some nice comments about the re-signing. Howard said that people wonder why they pay him so much there. Howard said it's because they have a subscription service and people pay for it.
Howard played more of the Jason Fielder thing and said there's 3 minutes left. Howard asked if it's a TV show. Robin said she thinks it's a sports report on the evening news. Gary said it's on a local channel 5 in Michigan.
Howard said he isn't in a crazy mood today. He said he's not sure why he was so crabby yesterday. He said he just gets like that. Robin said she did say it was kind of rude to ask people not to speak to him. Howard said she has to keep him in check with that shit.
Howard said he thinks that the Christmas special should end on a high. He said he's not sure how they top what just went on there with Ronnie and JD having sex.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had any pending offers from terrestrial radio. Howard said he's not bragging but he had offers to do anything you can imagine in show business. The caller asked if he has any TV projects he'll be doing in the next 5 years. Howard said it sounds like this guy is landing a plane. The guy said he's driving a truck. Howard let him go a short time later as Fred played a plane flying by clip.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was more excited about this deal than Howard was yesterday. Mariann asked if he's doing the talk show circuit in January. Howard said he thought about doing that but he thought about it and he doesn't want to. He said he's not sure who he'd go talk to. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when she kept talking over Robin. Robin said that maybe he should do a press conference. Howard said the best one they did was after that guy said he was going to jump off the bridge and he didn't do it. Howard said he made himself into a hero and called a press conference. Howard said that was great. They went to break a short time later. They played some Christmas song parodies as they were going to break.
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Howard asked whose kid she is. Howard asked if it's the rocket scientists's kid. Robin said no. Robin said her dad is Jimmy. Howard asked how she's doing. The niece said she's doing awesome. Howard asked if she wanted to be on the radio. She said she does. She said she's very excited to meet Howard. Howard found out she's a student and she wants to be a forensic scientist. Howard said he should go out and murder the guys who created the Christmas special and she can figure out how he did it.
Howard said that Michael Rapaport was going to come in for the special but he curses a lot and he's not sure the niece wants to hear that. She was fine with it though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves the Christmas special. Howard said maybe he will play the Michael Rapaport part. The caller said he was bummed not to see JD's feet. Howard said that was a cop out. Howard said Robin's niece might want to figure out how they died. Howard asked JD if he knew that Robin had a niece. JD said he did not. Robin's niece just moved in with Robin in the city. Howard said she's in the money now. Howard said she's smart. Robin said she should go visit Uncle Howard. Howard said never get into a fight with Robin. He said she just has to do her thing and let it happen. He asked if she calls her Aunt Robin or just Robin. Robin's niece said she calls her Aunt Robin sometimes but just Robin other times. Howard said that the food must be great at her house. Robin's Niece said it is. Robin said she eats out all the time. Howard asked if there are men coming in and out of that apartment. Robin's Niece said not at all. The caller asked if there are wall to wall women. Howard said he just had to be a douche.
The caller asked what that accent is that she has. Howard said he's hanging up on him. The caller said he didn't mean anything by it. He asked Howard if he has gotten his mom and dad's opinion on the new deal. Howard said he didn't get a call from any family at all. He said they listened to his wishes about not contacting him. Howard said his mother really doesn't care. He said that she doesn't think it's a big deal. Howard went into his mother's voice and had a conversation with her. Howard said his dad can't hear him now so he doesn't even call him. He said that he has 90 percent hearing loss.
The caller asked another question but Howard said he has to go. He said he didn't like that guy. Howard said he's not going to play the Michael Rapaport clip. Howard said he talks about Gary in that. Robin's Niece didn't know who Gary was until Howard said he's the buck tooth guy out there with the really disgusting face.
Howard said that he feels funny playing it in front of her niece. Howard said he's going to play it but if she gets offended she has to walk out for a little bit. Howard said this is the Christmas special and Rapaport comes in and sings a song about Gary. Rapaport does his usual thing going off on Gary.
Howard said that he's so sorry to Robin's Niece. She thought it was funny though. Howard said he didn't even look over at her. Howard said it's all true what he says about Gary. Howard said there's even more and he'll jam some of it in during the news.
Howard said he can't wait to start the news so Robin's Niece can hear a song parody about her. Howard said he should do that before he gets to a commercial. Howard said he doesn't write this stuff. He said the audience writes it about Robin because they're attracted to her. He played a song parody about Robin and her ''brown boobies.'' Robin's had him cut it off when the guy started singing about stroking his shlong. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said she moved in with Robin, right. Robin said yes. She said it's a temporary thing. Howard said aunt Robin is very nice. Jamie said she's the best aunt in the world. Howard said he lived with Monks in a monastery. He said he had to be silent there. Howard said no family asked him to move in. Howard asked if Robin is too nosey. Jamie said no. Howard asked if she started in with the vegetables thing. Robin said she does need to eat some. Howard asked why she's not lecturing her. Robin said she seems to be okay.
Howard played Robin's theme music and told Jamie that Robin recorded that in some crazy country. Robin asked if she can start her news. Howard told Jamie about what happened to Robin in Peru when she had some strange dude rubbing rocks on her claiming he was a shamen. Howard said he'd mover right out if he were Jamie.
Robin said that people are lining up for Star Wars already. Robin had some audio of a guy who does a Star Wars podcast talking about the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated him on his new contract. The guy said that he had everyone on the edge of their seats. He asked if he got his celebratory sex last night. Howard said Beth around. Howard said he beat off... and then he noticed Jamie was there. Howard said he pleasured himself. He said he ordered in and had eggplant Parmesan with broccoli. Then he worked and beat off. He said sorry to Jamie. Howard said he called his agent and then he went off and had his victory night. He said he got on YouPorn and did his thing. Howard said this kid is so cute and he can't talk about this. Howard said she seems very young. Jamie said she's 22. Howard said she seems like a young 22.
Howard said he read the Wall Street Journal. He said he actually watched video of a young woman auditioning for a porno with another lady. Howard said she had to do an audition and that occurred and during that he celebrated the new deal. Howard said everyone was excited. Howard said then he laid down in bed and watched the loser debate. He said his favorite new guy is that Lindsay Graham guy. Howard said he makes weird faces the whole time. He said that CNN keeps a camera on him the whole time. He said there's something wrong with that guy. Howard went over some of the other nominees. Howard said he thought that Lindsay was pretty good other than those faces he was making. Howard said he was talking about going over and killing everyone in ISIS. Howard said it sounded good to him. Robin said it's all talk though. Howard said he worked a lot on the Christmas special last night too. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult is on the phone but he's not getting into that. He said that he can't do that in front of Jamie. Howard said he's tapped. He said he can't send her money. He said he hasn't been paid yet. Howard picked up on Wendy who said she got robbed yesterday. She said she has nothing to give. Howard asked who robbed her. She said 4 homeless guys. She said they took $500 that she found on a scratch off ticket. Howard said he sent her 500. Howard said he knows she's a slow adult but he doesn't believe this for a minute. Howard said now he's going to get robbed. Howard said he has to go. He said someone just tried to rape JD. Howard said he has to go. He wished her a Merry Christmas. Wendy said that's fine, leave her sad and miserable. She has nothing to give to the kids. Howard said he has nothing for her.
Howard said he will ask her something right now. Howard asked her to swear on her mother's life that she was robbed yesterday. Wendy said she was. Wendy swore on her mother's life that she got robbed. She said it was 4 homeless guy who took her money and ran. Robin said it was one before. Howard said she did say 4 earlier. Wendy said she got knocked down and she cut her leg. Howard said he doesn't want to keep ending her money but it looks bad if he doesn't. He said he just signed a new contract so it looks bad. Howard said just imagine the hate mail. He said he's so tired. Howard told Gary to dig up some money and send her something. Gary said Howard is right on everything he said but every time he says it's the last time. Howard said he looks like an asshole if he doesn't. Wendy said she's not doing this on purpose.
Jamie said she thinks that Wendy is being ''inauthentic.'' Howard said she's his kind of girl. Howard said she's right she is inauthentic.
Howard asked Wendy a bunch of questions about her eating out of the dumpsters and having diarrhea after. Howard asked a bunch of questions about that and Wendy said yes to everything. Howard said that's why he has to give her money. Jamie said she still doesn't believe her.
Wendy said that she had to eat out of the dumpster yesterday because she was robbed. Howard told Gary to just give her some money. Howard said this is the last time she's shaking him down. He said he's not giving her a dime over the next 5 years. He asked her to just leave him alone and wished her a Merry Christmas. Howard said he's such a soft touch. Howard said that's such a mess. Howard said he does believe that diarrhea has ended up in her mouth. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how researchers are now saying that your computer understands your feelings. Robin read about the study and said that your mouse can detect emotions based on cursor movements and speeds.
Howard told Gary to pick up Wendy. He said that the guys are all excited back there and no one is doing anything. Robin said Howard is almost a vegetarian. Howard said he thinks so. Robin said it's good for him but not for the environment. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said a study was done about how lettuce uses up more gas and causes more emissions than other foods. Howard said you read something different every day about this stuff. Robin read more about that study and said lettuce causes 3 times more emissions than bacon.
Robin read about the GOP debate from last night. Robin had some highlights from the broadcast. Robin said there was a cough going on during the broadcast and it was making people crazy. Howard said it sounds like someone is stealing Jeff the Drunk's act. Robin said it was actually Ben Carson. Robin said he did it when he wasn't on camera so they didn't see it happening. Robin had some audio of that and some of Lindsay Graham going nuts talking about how he misses George W. Bush.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel had a coughing attack the other night. Howard said he was worried about him. He played some audio of that. Howard played some audio of wrestler Chyna laughing and letting out a weird cough. Robin had more clips from the debate last night. She had audio of Donald Trump and Jeb Bush talking over each other. She had audio of Trump arguing with CNN and Jeb too. Robin had audio of Ted Cruz not stopping talking even when he was asked to let someone else speak. Howard said everyone sounds nuts. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had some clips of some reaction about the debates from Rudy Giuliani. Robin went through some more news about the debates after that.
Robin had some audio of Obama talking about how this country is a nation of immigrants. Howard said maybe we need to stop that.
Howard said he thinks Obama was supposed to stop by the Christmas special too. Gary said he is. Howard said he should get his script and try that out. Howard said lets see how this goes. Howard had Fred ring the doorbell. President Obama shows up in a big storm. They had an Obama impersonator doing the voice for that bit. Obama asked if Howard could spare a Flat Ronnie. Howard said they only made 40. Obama said he'd have the CIA water board Roger Waters for one. Howard said no to him on that.
Howard asked if Robin wanted to hear from Hillary Clinton. Robin left it up to him. Jamie said she wanted to hear it. Howard went with it and had Fred play the fake Hillary singing a song.
Robin read a story about Pete Rose reacting to the story about him not getting out of his lifetime ban from the MLB. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was waiting for Howard to arrive at a restaurant on Long Island. He said that it was Howard and Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said someone must have been scamming him. Howard said his phone connection is awful. He said he really didn't go out there with Jimmy. He let the guy go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about how there's smoking in video games and a group is telling parents they need to know about what their kids are being exposed to. Howard said it bothers him when he sees that. Robin said it's targeted at children. Howard asked Jamie if she smokes. She said no but Howard didn't believe it. She said she smokes just one a day. Howard said that means 10. Jamie said it's really just one. Howard said it's a nasty death so she has to quit. Jamie said she's trying to quit. Robin didn't know about this so this was the first she was hearing. Howard said he should introduce her to Scott the Engineer. He told her she really should stop. Howard said he took care of it for Robin.
Robin read a story about the NFL and how they're working to minimize the energy of hits to the head in the game. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said he'd never let his kid play football.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked what kind of men Robin's niece Jamie likes white or black. Jamie said it doesn't matter to her. Howard said that he should hang up on him before he goes too far. King started asking how her feet look and Howard hung up.
Robin read a story about drones and all of the controversy that's going on with them. Howard said Nick Cannon sent him like 4 of them. He said he's not sure what he's going to do with them. Howard said maybe he'll send them up over Les and Julie's house to see what they're up to. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard said they'll be back after vacation with more stuff. He said he knows he promised a lot today but they ran out of time. He ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon said that Quentin also took a lot of crap for what he said about police brutality recently. Henry said he did. Jon said that you can't pretend that stuff isn't there. Jon said when that got out there everyone said that Quentin hated the police and people were calling for a boycott of his movie. Henry said he felt he was piled on to and he was treated unfairly. Henry said that if you can't trust the cops then where do you go? He said he has a big problem when he can't trust them. He said you want to be on their team but they're not letting you. He said 99.999 percent of them are good. He said just don't break the law. He said he needs them to be honest. Henry said he used to be the one to break the law. He said the cops are there to keep him in check. Henry said that when it turns to murder then no one does time it's not right. He said Tarantino got into the march for his reasons and the pile on he didn't understand. He said he's not sure why ea was targeted other than maybe because he's popular. Henry said he's had a lot of run ins with the cops. He said that he isn't really interested in breaking the law now. He said he has gotten real grief from the cops. He said he's had to call the cops for really bad reasons in his life and he relies on them. He said that he faced off with a burglar in his house once and he had to call the cops. He said he wished there was someone else he could call. He said they did their jobs though.
Jon asked how much the landscape has changed now that people are video taping this stuff. Henry said that he thinks that's been around since the Jim Crow laws started. He said people have been doing this for decades. He said that you can see when the cops do something wrong. He said it's interesting to see law enforcement dealing with it. He said they catch this stuff on video and they don't let them get away with it. Henry said they have a problem and it's not something that's easily fixed. He spent a little more time talking about that. Jon gave Henry a plug for the movie he's in and spent a short time talking about that.
Jon said Gary is joining them now. Jon said Howard is very much in Henry's camp with the police. Henry said you need them. Jon said there are a couple of bad apples that spoil the bunch.
Jon said that Quentin had a PR nightmare and then his father came out talking about him and his father doesn't even know him. Gary said that Shaq has a dad who didn't know him and he was on TV crying about how he won't talk to him. He said of course he doesn't want to talk to him because he spent 30 years ignoring his son.
Jon said that Fred Raskin edits Quentin's movies and he has turned Quentin on to the Stern show. Fred said he had to tell Quentin about when the show was on and all of that when they weren't working on the editing. Fred said they do listen a lot. Jon said it's very cool that he has done that.
Jon asked what sets Howard apart on the radio from everyone else. Henry said one of Howard's talents is that he can assess someone when they walk in and sit down. He said he has a grip on them which is kind of weird. He said he has something that other people don't have. He said Howard can read someone by their tie. He said once he's got them they're in. Henry said he can sniff things out. Henry said people prepare to go into a room with him and he's not sure how Howard does it but he does.
Gary said that some people come in thinking they know where Howard is going to go and then he goes somewhere else. Gary said they'll come out saying they didn't expect to talk about that.
Jon said that there's a moment when the guest relaxes and just starts talking about stuff. He said that Howard has that ability to get them to relax and do that. Henry said that you have to get them somewhat loosened up. Gary said that you have to bring you A game to the show. He said that some people will ask around how to do the show. He said that you almost have to do that to be in there.
Jon said some people become in loaded and ready to be entertaining. Jon said Quentin is entertaining right from the start. Fred said he really is passionate about what he does. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said Howard started the show talking about why he can't be happy about all of this good stuff happening to him. He said he let the good stuff ruin his day. Jon said Howard can't enjoy it. He said he tortures himself over all of this stuff. Jon asked Henry what he thinks about that and asked if he enjoys his success. Henry said he tries to separate himself from that. He said ea just gets things done and then he realizes he has another show the next day. He said he's in various states of anxiety and anger all the time. Henry said when he makes an album he just wants to move on to the next one after he's done. Henry said he wants to be in motion so he likes always just doing and moving on.
Gary said there were some theories floating around today. He said Howard has said making the announcement is the best thing but then it's pulling it off that's not so fun.
Jon asked Fred Raskin about how Quentin will watch his own movie and enjoy it but other people can't do that. Fred said he thinks that Quentin is very proud of the work he does. He said that there are others like that. He said that he's kind of with him and he'll watch one of his movies too if it's on.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she agrees with Henry about Howard's instincts about people. She asked if it has anything to do with being able to read his mother's mood and catering to that. Jon said that's an interesting question. Henry said that could be a factor in that. He said there are probably a myriad of factors and Howard may not even know how to figure that out. Jon said he thinks part of it is instinctual. Henry said some musicians can just pick things up. Jon let Henry go and then went to break after that.
Gary asked Fred if he edits a 3 hour version or a scene. Fred said he doesn't start the moment the movie is finished. He said he starts on day 2 of the shoot. He said he's going through and putting the scenes together as they shoot. He said he uses Quentin's comments to get that together. He said then he ends up with a first assembly that's about 3 and a half hours long. He said that they had about 45 minutes that didn't end up in the movie. He said he does all of that on his own and then when they're done shooting they work together on editing.
Fred said that Quentin will go home from editing and watch more of the dailies. He said that he comes in the next day with copious notes with what he wants to do. He said it's a real joy to be a part of that process. Jon said he clearly loves what he does. He said Quentin talked about how he walks around his house and realizes that his imagination got him everything he has. Jon said it must be like that for Howard. Gary said he thinks so.
Jon said they heard Vinnie Favale call in today and he should know better than to call in like he did today. Jon said any team you're on you want Vinnie on it. He said he will fight to the death for you. Gary said that he likes it when he starts off defending Colbert and then he ends up being asked if he would bang his boss' wife.
The guys talked about Robin singing and Gary said he's not sure what's going on with her but she seems to love going in and singing when they ask her to.
Jon said Quentin talked about how you had better know your lines when you get on set for one of his movies. Jon said you have to be a pro when you work with the best. Gary said that Quentin established himself as a writer and a filmmaker right off the bat.
Jon asked Gary if Howard should have given Wendy money. Gary said no and yes. He said he knows what Howard was saying about how he'd look like a dick if he didn't give her money. Gary said they always end up at that place where they end up giving her money.
Jon asked Fred if High Pitch Eric should get a Flat Ronnie and will a Flat Ronnie ever be seen in a Tarantino movie. Fred said he doesn't think they'll see it in a movie. He said he thinks someone else wants the one High Pitch Eric wants. He said he's sure they'd find out when the pictures start going around.
Gary said you can hear in Eric's voice that someone said to him that he had to call and apologize to get one. Gary said he didn't feel like he meant it for a second. Jon said he thinks there's another agenda going on. He said as of now he's not in the Flat Ronnie camp. Gary said not at all.
Jon said they did the Christmas special and it was a mish mash of things. Jon said that's the way to do it. Jon said they heard from a bunch of people during the special. They went over some of those things that were happening in the special.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she doesn't think Howard should have given Wendy money and Eric doesn't deserve the Flat Ronnie at all. She said he's acting like an asshole. She said the Wack Packers are acting like spoiled brats. Gary asked if she's saying the Wack Packers are acting Wacky. She laughed and said yes.
Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. They ended the show around 12:15pm.
Jon said they're all thrilled he's coming back but then the arrow spins to Gary. Gary said he hates when people say he's used to it. He said you never get used to it. He said that it sucks today as much as it did 30 years ago. Gary said he thinks sometimes he deals with it worse now than he did back then. Gary said he gets older and more irritated. He said it's enough already.
Jason said he would assume he had some coping mechanisms. Gary said it's so hard to explain to someone about being alone and then the shrapnel comes in from everyone. He said that it's like 12 on 1.
Jon said that Gary has been the Executive Producer for so long and John and Jackie are gone. He said everyone there now has a level of respect for him. He said maybe that makes it worse. Gary said it is worse. He said when he first started taking the crap he was no one on the show. He's still getting it though.
Gary talked about how long he's been with Howard and how long he will have been with the show. Gary said if he sticks with the archive thing then he'll be 67 when it's all done.
Jon asked Jenny if she thought Howard was coming back. Jenny said she's happy he's back because she was thinking about everyone there. She said she was afraid she'd lose touch with the whole community. She said that she wondered where they would go. Gary asked Jenny if she has a group of people she can call to talk to about the show. Jenny said she has a friend name Joanie who is her go to person. Jason said she calls her even when he's around. Jason said he hears the good news if he's within earshot of her. Jon asked Jason who he reaches out to. Jason said no one other than Jenny.
Jon said he got a ton of email and texts after Howard made the announcement. He said people were asking for jobs too. Gary said they got a ton of job requests. Gary said there were a lot of guest requests too. Gary said he got the congratulations texts too. He said some people were calling in and asking about jobs immediately. Gary said that's the time to jump on but some people there were upset about it.
Jon said he gets it. He said he's curious to see where it goes. He said he's not sure what it'll be. Jon said the one who fears this the most is JD who won't take his socks or shoes off. He said that he is always going to be JD and he isn't looking forward to that side of the whole thing. Jason said he thinks that JD seems more confident lately. He said that's more important than the physical thing. He said he thinks that JD would just said ''bring it'' to the video thing. Jon said he thinks he's wrong about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks there's this huge build up with Howard and he's sure he had a fantasy about going off into the sunset. He said then he announces he's signed the contract and now he's locked in for another 5 years so it may take him some time to get over that. Gary said that he thinks Howard came into it fully thought out. He said maybe there is some of that too. Jenny said she thinks Howard thinks about what he could be doing but she doesn't think that's what Howard wants. She said he's so good at what he does and deep down he must know that there would be a piece of him missing if he stopped.
Gary said on the Larry Sanders show they had an episode where Larry was going to retire and move into Montana. He gets 5 days into his retirement and calls for someone to get him the fuck out of there. Jon said Howard is happy at Sirius and as long as it's enjoyable he's okay with that. Jon said he thinks Howard likes waking up and doing it. He said he does the show with Beth when he's on vacation anyway. They went to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jeff the Drunk and High Pitch Eric will outlive the next contract. Jon said his answer is no. He said he thinks one won't make it. He said his money would be High Pitch Eric. He said he doesn't think he'll make it through. Jenny and Jason agreed. Gary said that Eric came in to get weighed this morning. He said he was over 400 pounds last time he was there and he hasn't gotten any thinner. Gary said that when you're that big your body can't take that kind of stress. He said it's just not going to be able to take it. Jason said he doesn't know how he sustains. He said it's beyond entertaining and he'd like him to stick around but he's still rattled by Eric the Actor. He said losing him last year he's still rattled.
Gary said he knew that Joan Rivers wasn't young but it came so unexpected. He said he just thought Eric was going to be around forever. Jon said that Jeff the Drunk isn't the picture of health either. He said they may be writing him off. Jenny said they all have friends who are a disaster. Gary said Jeff is dealing with more than just the drunk thing. He said it all just can't be good. Jason said he thinks Jeff will die a long, painful death. He said he thinks Eric is just going to drop one day. Gary said Eric may drop and fall on Joey and suffocate him.
Gary said Fred the Elephant Boy is like 57 so he's getting up there in age. Jon asked about Big Foot. Gary said he seems healthy. He said he's like Paul Bunyon come to life. Jon said High Pitch Eric seems like the odds on favorite but he hopes he's wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they do great interviews. He said they get picked up nationally and he wondered if they expected the fallout from the Tarantino thing. He said the wire services are all talking about it. He asked if anything has come from that. Gary said he wasn't surprised. He said anything Star Wars related is going to get covered. Gary said he didn't think the story was that big of a deal. He said Jason (Kaplan) told him that it was a huge deal. Jon said that Quentin had a deal at this theater and now they're showing Star Wars the rest of the season which isn't what they contracted. Jon said that he's taking on Disney and doing that with Howard might work. He said Howard knows Bob Iger and JJ Abrams. He said that he can put the word out about it.
Jason asked if they think Howard will do anything about it or is it already in motion. Gary said it's already in motion. Gary said that the theater was told if they don't show Star Wars there that they were going to pull Star Wars from every one of their theater chains. Jon said he'd love to hear the behind the scenes arguing about that. Jon said he thinks Howard made his request on the air and that's it. He said Howard does that a lot. They went to break a short time later.
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Jason asked how often people change their sheets. Jason said they do it twice a week. Jenny said if it was up to her they might stay longer. She said that she can get distracted. Jon said he does it every week. He said he changes the sheets himself and it's once a week. Jason asked if that's because he's the one doing the most soiling in there. Jon said he's just good at it. He said he doesn't iron the sheets but he does wash them.
Jason asked if they do linen sheets. Jon said he doesn't. Jon asked what the benefits are. Jason said they are really comfortable. He said they're cooler. Jenny said sometimes they do them in the winter too.
Jon said that what they're looking over is maybe the girlfriend is so swept up in JD that she doesn't notice the sheets. Jason asked if they have asked the girlfriend how long she goes without cleaning her's. Gary said he will see her in the next week and ask her about it. Gary said that she's going to see a large group of them in the next week so she's going to be getting a lot of questions about that.
Jenny asked if they do a secret Santa there. Jon said they do. Jenny asked if JD got sheets. Gary said he doesn't think he did. Jenny said there's a problem there then. Gary said that Boll and Branch did send some to JD.
Jason and Jenny were trying to tell Jon and Gary to see the Hamilton musical. Jon said he's with Howard in that it's just not his thing. He said that he's seen some clips of it and it's just not his thing. They spent a short time talking about that and other musicals too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the Sandler interview was up there with Lady Gaga. He asked if there's any concerts they'd like to see in the new year. Jon changed that to ask Gary who he'd like to see on the show this year. Gary said that he would like to see Springsteen, Mick Jagger, Elton John and Keith Richards. He said he'd like to get Adele in there too. Jon said he'd like to get Rush in there. Gary said that's just not going to happen. Jon said he never says never.
Jenny said that Rush has been up there before. Gary said they're up there all the time but they're usually there in the afternoon. Gary said he'd like to get U2 up there too. Jason said he would love a Bono interview. He said he'd like to see Springsteen too. He said maybe Jon Bon Jovi too. Gary said he's been on the show though. Jason said it's been a while. Jon said he'd like to see Tom Petty or Taylor Swift in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they didn't talk about JD not washing his feet every time he takes a shower. Gary asked if he said that. The caller said that's what JD said when Wolfie asked him. The caller said they glossed over that. Jon said he just didn't say anything when he was asked. The caller told him to go back and listen because JD said he doesn't wash them. Gary said he doesn't wash his feet either. He said he gets to his ankles and that's about it. Jason said you have to pick up your feet and wash them. He said they're disgusting.
Jon asked the caller what else he had. The caller said he knows of a few occasions that Howard has gotten upset and had to catch himself. Gary said he knows of two. One was when his dog died and the other was when he talked about Robin's illness. The caller said he also did that when he talked to the guys about this birthday show.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Jon said this was an interesting year for the Wrap Up Show. He said today they'll talk about their favorite moments and then maybe some favorite staff moments. Jon said he thought Adam Sandler was one of the best interviews of the year. He said it went on for another 20 minutes even after they thought it was over. Jon said that for him that was one of the best of the year if not the best.
Gary said he was talking to the guys in the back office about this and he thought about how great James Taylor was. He said that's probably his favorite musical interview of this year. He said Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore were a couple of others that jumped out at him.
Rahsaan said David Crosby was one of his favorites. He said that made him want to go back and listen to his music so that was his favorite of the year. Jon said that Conan O'Brien was fantastic too. He said he came in and had a great conversation with Howard. He said that Howard loves late night TV at least talking about it. Gary said Conan was great and it was a great interview. He said he almost forgot that was this year.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thought about so many she liked. She said she loved the Quentin Tarantino interview. She said you could hear his emotions talking about Disney and all of that. She said she knows where that theater is. Jon said everyone knows that theater. They spent a minute talking about that.
Jon had Steve Brandano come in to tell them what his favorite interview was. Steve said Larry David. He said that was early in the year. He said that was a very cool one. He said everyone asked Howard why he hadn't interviewed him yet. He said he also like Jake Gyllenhaal and Channing Tatum. Steve said it was good to get him in there because he was friends with Jonah. Steve said his music favorite was Royal Blood. He said that they were able to treat them like their band after they came on the show.
Gary said he has a couple more. He said they had Jake and also Claire Danes. He said Spade was good this year too. He said on a personal level he thinks that Alex Trebek and Howard were great together. He said this was the year of Madonna too. Jon said that she's the 20th on the list and that speaks volumes about how great this year was.
Jon asked Brent Hatley who he liked this year. Brent said that he would go with Jason Alexander. He said he gave that story about what happened with the actress who played Susan. He said he told that story and he would never tell anyone but Howard that story.
Jon took a call from a guy who said out of this year the Louis C.K. interview was great. He said Sandler and Spade were great too. He said they're so honest when they come in and it's just perfect when it's with Howard. the caller said he liked the Jake Gyllenhaal interview a lot too. Gary said what he likes when Howard talks to comedians is the way he and Jon would talk to athletes. He said that's the kind of questioning he gives them. Gary said he can't get enough of the back workings of Saturday Night Live. Gary said you either worked there or wanted to work there.
Jon said that Stephen Colbert was great this year too. He said he loves when someone comes on the show and it makes him a fan of theirs. He couldn't remember names. Steve said he has picks like that but he doesn't want to name names. Gary said it happened last year with Chris Martin. He said that he wasn't really a fan but when he walked out of there he thought he was a good guy and he cared about his story and it made him like the band even more. Steve said that was like Gwyneth Paltrow for him. Gary said everything about her was great that day too. He said she was able to answer every question Howard threw at her. He said that's what you have to do. They went to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said that one of his favorites was Elvis Costello. He said he was a big fan of his growing up. Gary said that he has to throw in Don Henley too. The caller said he really likes the Flat Ronnie thing. He said he's looking for something to keep people away from his house. He said he's had people passed out in his yard. He said he thinks a Flat Ronnie would be perfect for that. Gary asked if that's him gently asking for one. The caller said he'd pay for it. He said he's looking for a Police officer or something. Gary said the answer is no for Flat Ronnie but he appreciates him asking. Jon said that was Tommy who records the show on cassette and he's one of his favorite guests of the year on the Wrap Up Show.
Jon took a call from Michael Rapaport who had his voice disguised and was saying that he wants to congratulate the staff on having another lease on life. He said he really liked some stuff that happened on the Wrap Up Show. He goofed on Gary a little bit about the fantasy football thing. Steve Brandano said he thought Michael Rapaport was one of the best parts of the Wrap Up Show this year. Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Rapaport. Gary said he thinks he's kind of burnt out on him. He said he's curious to see if he can develop something new. Rapaport went off on Gary again. He said next time he comes on the show he's going to come on and dial everything down and recap like a normal guy. Gary asked what they're going to recap. Rapaport said that whatever happens that day he'll recap. He said he'll be like one of the regular people they have on the show. Gary said if he's threatening to be boring he has to know here is a switch between being on or off. He said he's loved being a part of the show and he actually appreciates Gary taking it like a man. Gary said sometimes what he does is taxing but nothing would make him happier than to play him in the finals. Michael said the same about him.
Gary asked if he were to beat Michael again this year is he lucky or a good player. Michael said he never said he wasn't a good player. He said it's a win-win for him either way. He said he loves Gary. He said he thinks he might love him more than anyone else. He also said he loved the Quentin Tarantino interview this week. He said that's his pick for this year. Jon let Michael go a short time later and then went to break.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't pick a favorite moment. He said he can't stop laughing. He said they have him cracking up all day. He said he loves the Gary ball breaking. Jon asked if he has a favorite moment. The caller said he can't pick just one. He said he hopes they stay on the air longer than 5 years.
Jon asked Gary if there's any moments for him where he got his balls busted that stand out. Gary said the Christmas card thing still annoys the shit out of him. He said he learned his lesson from that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks one of the most memorable things about this year was JD's hygiene. She said she can't believe that he doesn't wash his sheets. She said she can't believe he doesn't wash his feet either. She said the thing that freaks her out is about the dust mites and the dust mite shit in his bed. She said that's the whole reason you wash your sheets. She said it's to get rid of them and their shit. She said she can't believe the girlfriend didn't get a rash from that. Gary said there was also the year that JD admitted he had a girlfriend. He asked if the sheet story is as interesting if he doesn't have a girlfriend. Jon said he thinks so. Jon said if she doesn't come on board. Gary said she shames him into changing them. Jon said that Fred playing the ''Shame'' drop was one of his favorite moments of the year.
Jon said that not one of them has mentioned the Bobo Free Summer. Brent said that the Bobo Sting moment was one of his favorites of all time. Gary said he will never forget that.
Jon said the last topic they have is 2016. He said Howard is coming back and they'll do the new year's resolution thing. Jon asked Rahsaan what his resolution is for the coming year. Rahsaan said his big wish is that Jon doesn't skip him for one show. He said that would be a victory. He said he had a great time this year. He said he appreciates them giving him the time this year.
Brent Hatley said he'd like to hear Tom Petty come in and do an interview. He said he has a lot of respect for that man. He said he is very tenacious and he'd love to hear that interview.
Mark said he loved Ike this year and he'd like to find another guy like him. Steve Brandano said he'd like to hear Shia LaBeouf come in. He said that the birthday bash was a big deal and he'd like to get the Beacon Theater and get Robin out there to sing. He said he thinks that should happen.
Gary said that he'd like to get Bruce Springsteen in there and he's been saying that for a long time. He said he would also love to see a Howard-Con this year. He said that would be a lot of fun.
Jon said he thinks moving forward into next year he'd like to see Taylor Swift in there. He said he'd like to see George Clooney or a Leo DiCaprio in there. Jon said he's with Gary on the Howard-Con thing too.
Jon said they changed the Wrap Up Show dramatically this year. He said he can't thank everyone enough for coming in. He said that they've had regulars on the show that are great. He said he can't even name them because he's afraid of leaving someone off. Jon thanked everyone for being there for them. Jon said he hopes to get everyone back next year.
Gary said that it's a pleasure working with Jon every day. Gary said that Jon keeps things on the rails. Jon said they're going to be there doing it for another 5 if not more.
Jon said that someone going on to do bigger and better things there is Al Ragone. Jon said that he'll be there working for the Howard Stern Show but he's leaving the Wrap Up Show. Jon said the show is nothing without him. He said they're going to miss him there. Al said this year was awesome. He said that next year he's looking forward to... Jon cut him off for a second saying they were out of time but let him finish a short time later. Al said anything with Billy Joel would be great in 2016. Gary said they left out the Schwarzenegger interview. He said they totally forgot about that great one. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 12:15pm.