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Howard started the show talking about a nice email he got from Mark Tinker who is Grant Tinker's son. He said he feels he's entitled to some money since his family was responsible for firing him from WNBC. Howard said he thought that was a funny email. He said when he thinks back to NBC everyone was an announcer there. Howard said they were talking the other day about that guy Broadway Bill Lee. Howard said when he was at NBC they were there for like 2 years. Robin said it was 3. Howard said he didn't know he made it that long. He said that's something. Robin said she realized every day of that 3 years. Howard said it was like a prison sentence. Howard said he would have guessed a year and a half. Robin said 20 years would seem like 10 to him.
Howard said he had no idea that you're supposed to rhyme when you're a top 40 DJ. He said Gary told him that's just Broadway Bill Lee who does that though. Howard said he doesn't think Johnny Dark or Bee-Bee rhymed. Howard played some of that Broadway Bill Lee guy doing a talk up. Howard asked how you can be proud of yourself after that. Howard said Kidd Chris sent him that clip. He said Chris thought he was good but Howard wasn't so sure about that. He said it's like that cheesy DJ guy.
Howard figured the guy was talking up the song ''One Thing Leads to Another'' and he was talking about a guy knocking up a chick in his analogy. Howard said this guy has such a look of pleasure after he talks up a song. Howard said this guy is on fire. He said he gets into it and he's bopping around. He said he's an older dude too. Howard said he gets this look like he just came in his pants. Howard did his impression of Broadway and talked up a song. Robin said that guy is no kid. Howard said he's unbelievable.
Howard played a clip of Sal calling a pizzeria where he asks if his father can place his order like a DJ. They had a clip of a DJ talking about a pizza delivery as he was introducing songs.
Howard said they had to tell the guy it was a phony phone call at the end. Howard said that was Spyder Harrison doing that bit. Howard said he likes that guy. He said that was a good phony phone call there. Robin said Broadway Bill Lee is 60 years old. Howard went into his impression of the guy again and did another talk up.
Howard said he wants to get a job at one of these stations doing that kind of talk up. He said he'd have to use a pseudonym. Howard said he doesn't think he'd last long doing it though. Howard talked up another song and wore himself out. He said it's exhausting. He said it hurts. He told everyone to try that at home. Fred kept playing songs for him to talk up. Howard played more clips of Broadway Bill Lee talking up songs too.
Howard said that guy has to write those songs out. Robin said he has to do that. Howard wondered if he writes in deep voice. Robin said he probably has to practice in a mirror.
Howard had Fred give him more music. Howard talked up another song after resting for a minute. Howard thought he wasn't doing so bad but Robin said Broadway rhymes right up to the post. Howard said he has no idea where the post is in some of those songs. Fred played Howard ''One Thing Leads to Another'' again. Howard talked that up. He played a clip of Broadway talking up an AC/DC song. Howard said there must be an Saturday Night Live bit in there somewhere. Howard tried doing the AC/DC song talk up but fucked it up. He had Fred start it over. Howard thought that one was pretty good. He gave it a ''Yeahhhh'' at the end and said he doesn't think you're allowed to do that.
Howard asked if there are clowns who have broken through and lecture there. Wolfie said they have a lot of strange courses about how to be a clown. Howard said every one of them isn't funny. He said they sound scary and anti-social when Wolfie interviews them.
Howard played one interview of Wolfie talking to Elmo the Clown and he was singing a song to Wolfie. Howard said he's already done with the guy. Howard said his dad used to tell him that you had to take classes to be a clown. Howard said his dad would tell him this stuff and he had this odd accent of his own. Howard said he thinks that he was trying to sound like an announcer and he had this odd accent which may have come from his parents.
Howard did impressions of Ben and Ray talking about their coffee. He has to yell at his dad so he can hear him. Howard said they got into a big fight. He did an impression of that. Howard said his mom told him that they have 4 cups of coffee and his dad yelled that he has 3. Howard had his dad yelling at his mom about that. Howard said his dad went apeshit on her.
Howard said they went out to Italian food that night. He said that they had Halibut since it was on the menu. He said his dad yelled at his mom when she asked if he wanted more. He was full and yelled at her that he had enough. Howard said he got really angry and she was just asking if he wanted more. Howard said she wasn't forcing it on him.
Howard said they started going at it over 3 or 4 cups and his father was pissed. He said he wishes he could get them on the phone. Howard said he'd love to get them arguing about that. Howard said Beth doesn't say a word. Howard said she asks him later why he gets them riled up. Howard said even his dad knows he's doing that. Howard said Beth asked a question and his dad yelled his answer at her. Howard said that's why she stays so quiet.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with an awful clown. That clown was making dumb jokes and doing a voice that wasn't funny. Howard said that clown had a joke about why people don't eat clowns... because they taste funny. Wolfie said at least 5 clowns used the same joke. He said they also had a ''stool sample'' joke that a bunch of clowns did.
Howard played a clip of a female clown who Wolfie called ''sir''. She said she's a woman and her name is Merrily like in the song.
Howard said the clowns don't seem to say anything funny. Howard played another interview where a guy was doing a creepy clown voice and laughing in a creepy way. Howard said he finds clowns to be scary and creepy. He said he doesn't know any he'd feel safe around.
Wolfie said the parents there insist on having their kids around when the clowns are there. He said the kids don't want to be there. Howard played some audio of one of the creepy clown laughs and had some of Jackie the Joke Man laughing too.
Howard played another interview with Pitstop the Clown. He explained how he got his name and then started laughing with a forced laugh. The guy told Wolfie about how he'd vote for Donald Trump because he wants to make people feel good in this world. Howard said he's not sure how many of these clowns are working. Howard said that's one hell of a convention. He said it must be a lifting. Wolfie said that they all say it's not about the money when you ask about what their salary is.
Howard said he became Jizz Rag the Clown when he was in college. Howard did his Jackie laugh and Fred played some more Jackie laugh clips. Howard got back into his DJ voice and talked up a song like Broadway Bill Lee. He said he should become Jizz Rag the Clown. He said he can twist his balloons into condoms. Howard said he doesn't think they've ever hired a clown for his kid's parties.
Howard took a call from a woman who said his parents sound like her in-laws to a T. She thanked him for doing that. Robin asked if they have coffee just twice a week. Howard said they have it every day. Howard said they go to Dunkin' Donuts twice a week. Howard did his impression of his mom and dad arguing about the number of cups they have. He had them going back and forth about 3 or 4 cups. Ray is the one who goes up and gets the coffee so she would know. Howard kept going with their arguing and had a conversation with Robin about it as Ben and Ray.
Howard said that goes on and on. He said they also talk about a fried egg sandwich they get. Howard did that discussion as parents too. Howard had them talking to Robin as well. Howard said it goes on and on and on. Howard had his mom talking to Robin about their cousin Julie. Howard said his mom talks about family members and things like that at dinner. He said they have a good time. Howard said it's good for them to mix it up too though. He said it keeps them alert. Howard said it's like playing chess. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he is so excited that Claire Danes is there. He said he's loved her since ''My So Called Life.'' Howard said he feels like he knows her. He said he feels like he's been watching her his whole life. Howard asked if this is too early for her. She said she's up early for her 2 1/2 year old. Howard said he doesn't see how she can do it. Howard said she has a full career and kids. Howard said it seems like they're two full time jobs. She was pregnant during season two of ''Homeland''. She said that was very comfortable.
Howard asked Claire about how she does it with the kid. She said she works for 6 months and then she goes home to be a mom. She said her husband, Hugh Dancy, works on Hannibal. She said that she has been doing this show for years and it's time now for her to design a new character. Claire said that she's thinking that the gift of the show is that the writers are excellent and they keep challenging themselves. She said that it doesn't feel like they're on an impossible loop at all.
Howard asked Claire about Mandy Patinkin because he's now a fan of his. He said he didn't know what he did before but now he's a fan. Howard asked about if they know where the show is going at this point. Claire said they have 3 and a half episodes left to shoot and they don't know exactly where it's going. She said they have a general idea. She said that if she thinks something is up with the direction of the show she'll point it out. Claire said that one of the writers of the show who passed away a couple of years ago had a family member who was in the CIA so they get to go and tag along with some spooks and stuff like that.
Howard asked Claire about where she can research how to play her character. Claire said that it's on the web. She said that you can find out more about it there. Howard asked if she's ever contacted anyone on the internet to interview them to study for her character. Claire said she did speak to one woman early on. She said that she wanted to see someone in a manic state. She said her best friend is a therapist and she talked to her about it. She said that her parents are only in an angry manic state because they won't come to her when they're in a euphoric state.
Claire said in the first season when she goes off the rails she's in a euphoric state. She said that she solved the mystery and she was flying on that. Claire said that she had fun playing that early on. Howard said whenever he talks to someone about Homeland the people say that Claire is really crazy and she doesn't have to act. Howard said he thinks she'd love to hear that because she's doing it so well that people think she's crazy. Claire said that's why people walk away from her on the street. She got a laugh out of that. Howard said he sees it as a compliment. Howard said she'll know she's done it when they take her kids away.
Howard asked Claire if she had OCD when she was young. She said she went through a period when she thought she saw ghosts and stuff. She said she grew up in a loft in New York and she thought she saw gargoyles and things. She said there may have been some OCD there too. Howard said there are Gargoyles all over the city. Howard said he has OCD and he thinks he has it under control. He said he would spend like an hour trying to get out of the bathroom with his OCD. Claire said she thinks that she had it under control too. She said she was able to work through it. She said it's not uncommon. She said people go through phases.
Howard said he can't tell if she had a good childhood or a crazy one. Howard said her mom was an artist and she had classes in her house. Claire said that her parents moved to SoHo and that was kind of a trippy environment. She said that her brother is 7 years older. She said her mom started a school called Crosby Kids. She said that they had kids in the apartment. Howard said her mom would put a trampoline in the living room. Claire said that they were creative and playful people. Howard said something bums him out about that. Claire said it was kind of great and loose.
Howard asked when she started to act. Claire said she took dance class at 4. She said dance companies would come looking for talent in the class. She said she started doing productions at PS 122. She said that she got a sense of what it was to be on stage and she loved it. Howard said she was good too. Howard said she started working really young. Claire said it didn't feel like it.
Howard asked Claire about when she started going to Lee Strausberg to act. She said she was about 10. She said that she went to a performing arts high school and other kids were doing it for real. She said that it was a Junior High School but it's become a high school now.
Howard asked why she was moved around from school to school. Claire said that she had trouble in school. Howard asked if she was weird. She said she was. She said she was nerdy and liked learning. Howard said she was a good student. Claire said she went to school with her best friend and she would see her step in one catastrophe to another. She said her friend would only answer 3 questions per class and she didn't want to be ridiculed. Howard said he knew a girl like that. Howard said that she would ask so many questions that she became the annoying girl. Claire said that's what happened to her. She said that's why she went from school to school.
Howard said Claire was 11 when she auditioned for Milos Forman. Claire said she played a molested child and her parents were there with her every day she was on set. Howard said she was serious about this career from early on. Claire said they were also naive. She said that they didn't know what this meant. She said she did some student films. She said she went out and booked jobs. Howard asked how she got an agent at 12. Claire said she had some stuff on film to show. She said she'd read for agents and they got one.
Howard asked how it was working with Dudley Moore. She said it was a pilot that didn't get picked up. Howard said she was 12 and working with Dudley Moore. Howard said that he was a great actor. Howard said she must have thought she was going to be a big star. She said maybe. She said she just thought about working. Howard asked if she was nervous working with him. She said she didn't know he was an icon at the time. She said she had no sense of context. She said she didn't even know she was making a comedy. Claire said she was so obsessed with the truth. She said she was a serious actress. She didn't know there were different styles of acting. She said now she gets it.
Howard asked if she has a copy of that show to watch. Claire said she's not sure. She said she's not sure if she could go back and watch it.
Howard asked if it was magical for her to go on set the first time. Howard said she was getting acceptance on the set of the show. Claire said she had a hard time in junior high school. She said that elementary school was good for her.
Howard said at the age of 13 Claire auditioned for a bunch of parts and she got a part in Schindler's List but then she turned it down when they found out they were shooting in Poland. Claire said it was a tiny role and they weren't willing to give her a tutor. Howard asked when she found out the importance of that movie if she kicked herself. She said there wasn't really anything for her to do in the movie.
Howard said then Claire gets ''My So Called Life.'' Howard said t was her and Alicia Silverstone. They picked Claire. Then the networks didn't pick it up. Claire said that she went to high school while it was on hold. She said then the show got picked up and they moved to Los Angeles. She said that it was the day after that massive earthquake in 1994. She said that everyone was recovering from that. She said it was a bizarre thing. Howard said he can't believe people passed on it. Claire said that it was so fresh and innovative at the time. She said it's not always appealing to the networks. She said that they got picked up after doing the show and she loved doing it. She said everyone involved was so gifted. She said she's very blessed to have had that.
Howard said that show was Claire and Jared Leto. Howard said he went off with the band and that seemed kind of weird. She said he's still doing the band. Claire said that the writer of the show is a very dear friend of her's. She said that she went off and did Wicked. Howard asked if she's still close with Jared. She said she's not but she does see him at things. Howard asked if he's too odd. She said he is odd but they were very friendly at the time. She said she was 14 and he was like 21 so there's that age difference. Howard said that was her first kiss on camera too. She said it was. Howard said they could have been locked up if he had dated her. Howard said she says that he had to give her a lesson in how to make out. Howard said she's with this guy making out and he wondered if there were any feelings there. She said she was so tiny and it was like an older brother kind of thing. She said that she didn't know how to process that.
Howard said that Claire had to take time off from the production of that. She said she was going to school too and processing the huge transition was tough. Howard asked if it was a mistake having her mom manage her. She said it wasn't. She said it would have been problematic if she wasn't here. She said that usually you don't have that in your life and you're breaking away from your parents. She said that was kind of tough but if they hadn't done that it could have been worse. Howard asked if she has any resentment toward them at all. Claire said not at all. She said her parents weren't stage parents in any way. She said now they live in Santa Monica. She said that her mom went to grad school and they're back to making art again.
Howard asked Claire about doing some movies after My So Called Life. Howard said he has analyzed who she falls in love with and she seems to do that when she's working. Howard said she met her husband acting. Howard said she met Billy Crudup acting too. Claire said she has met other guys not acting though. She said she was with her first boyfriend and stayed with him 7 years. She said he was a musician. She was with him for 7 years. Howard asked if she thinks its good to be in the same business. She said marriage is a challenge. Howard said that it has to be tough when you're both actors. She said that it is tough. She said that they are separated a lot. She said that's the great hazard and annoyance.
Howard asked if she watches Homeland. Claire said she doesn't do that. She said she watched the first six episodes last season and then stopped. Claire said that she finished it up right before they shot this season. Howard asked if it can mess things up. She said it's stressful to watch herself. She said she's evaluating herself. Howard asked if she gets angry if she did a take that she liked and they don't use it. She said that she agrees with most of the takes they use.
Howard asked if she reads the reviews. Howard said he loves the show and thought last season was great. Howard said he thought last season was great. Howard said he doesn't need the controversy. He said he liked the whole idea of last season. Howard said critics will say it wasn't the best season. Howard said a lot of shows can't recover. He said the fourth season got even better to him. Howard asked if she reads the reviews. Claire said she tries not to. She said she doesn't find them that helpful or constructive. She said people are mean. She said that artists have to pick their own jury. She said they have to choose the opinions of people they trust. She said she trusts her husband and a bunch of other people she's close with. Howard said he's not sure he could tell her the truth. He said that he'd be afraid of hurting her. Claire said that's a sweet thing to say.
Howard said Claire went to Yale. She said she did for a couple of years. Howard asked if she ever had an IQ test. She said she did but she doesn't know the number. Howard asked if it was weird to go to Yale after she became famous. Howard asked if she was self conscious. She said she thinks everyone is nervous. She said that her roommate works at the CIA now. Claire said that everyone who sent to Yale was a superstar in their own universe. Howard asked Claire why she left school and if it was because she missed acting. She said that was it. She said that she was studying psychology. She said that she needed a break. She said she needed to apply herself in different ways. She said she had the greatest time in college though. She said she found her people there. She said that was a huge gift.
Howard asked if she regrets not finishing. She said she thinks she got what she needed from that experience. Howard asked if she was on guard when she was dating. Claire said she was with Ben at the time so she didn't have that. She said that she kind of had that insight into relationships and she was there to learn. Howard said she really is annoying. Howard said that he'd think that every guy would want to have sex with her. Howard said she was famous and an actress. Claire said she had just had a great time. She said Ben was her first big relationship.
Howard asked Claire about doing a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo and Juliet. Howard said that she must know if she's working with a great actor or not. She said he had already done a bunch of great performances. Howard said that she can tell if someone isn't up to snuff. She said she thinks so. Howard asked how she does it with someone who isn't that capable. She said you just power through it. She said it's a lot harder though.
Howard asked about working with Leonardo and how she did that movie and then auditioned for Titanic. Howard said she got the part and she turned it down because it would be redundant to do another movie with Leonardo. She said she doesn't think she got the part. Howard said Kate Winslet took the part. She said they were going to shoot in Mexico City for another 6 months and she needed another experience. Howard said Titanic was a huge movie and it won a bunch of awards. Howard asked if she was asking herself what she had just done. Claire said that Leo wrestled with taking the movie too. She said that she thinks that he wanted to go off into the stratosphere and that was his time. Howard said that it wasn't that great of a movie but it was a big movie. Claire said she wasn't ready for that. She said she wanted to go to college. Howard said it's hard to say no to things like that. Howard said he has had decisions like that. Claire said it's not going to serve you if you're not ready for it. She said that she has learned that the hard way. She said she has taken jobs because she thought she should and then they fail. Claire said it's a frustrating process.
Howard said everyone judges you by the box office. Howard said he thinks it's very evolved to know it's going to be a blockbuster and turn it down because she's not ready for that. Howard asked if she thinks she lacks ambition. Claire said no. She said she just wants to act on projects with people who are smart and capable. She said she wants to be a better actor. Howard asked if she called her agent and told him to call James Cameron and turn down the role. Howard asked if her agent told her that she should take it. Claire said she doesn't remember that. Claire said they were okay with it. She said she did the Rainmaker with Francis Ford Coppola and an Oliver Stone movie too. Howard asked if Oliver Stone is hard to work with. She said he can be manipulative. She said that's their job though. She said that she had an amazing time working with him. She said it was a great experience.
Howard said he fell in love with Betty Thomas when he worked with her on Private Parts. Claire said that you do have to trust the director. She said that they are guiding you through the process.
Howard asked if she would go to an acting coach to do an accent. She said she will. She said that she has done a British accent before. She said she had to do that for Temple Grandin too. She said that her husband can do all kinds of accents on demand. She said she doesn't have that skill. She said she has to study. Howard said he was amazed by this guy who played Brody in Homeland. Howard said you see him at the award shows and he has this British accent. Howard asked Claire about doing scenes with him and if he goes back and forth in accents. She said he would stay in his American accent. She said some people don't do that but that's fine.
Howard asked Claire if she stays in character on set. She said she has no judgment when it comes to that. She said she has no problem with it. Howard said that he would imagine that being on set with Daniel Day Lewis would be annoying. Claire said she knows how hard it is when you really mean it. She said that she can't get upset with actors.
Howard asked if she's ever worked with an actor who she thought was great and then worked with them and they weren't so great. She said she has never encountered that. Howard asked if she has a list of people she'd like to work with. She said she does. Howard asked her to name some. Claire said that comedic actors are great. She said she would love to do a comedy. She said that excites her more than anyone else. She said she'd like to work with a bunch of directors too. She said that she'd like to work with Spike Jonze and Sophia Coppola among a few others. Howard asked if Sophia called her and said she was going to get paid way below her quote, would she do it. Claire said of course she would. Howard asked if she has to push for parity when it comes to pay on the set of a TV show. She said that they should push for that. Howard asked if she has turned down roles because of money. Claire she hasn't. She said money is important but they do commercial work and work they get paid to do.
Robin asked how much Homeland pays. Howard said he read $220,000 per episode. Claire said she's actually not sure. Howard did the math to figure out how much she was making per season. Howard did the long math and figured it was like 2 billion.
Howard asked Claire about how she spoke about filming in the Philippines and got some flack over that. She said that she shouldn't have said what she did but she was 20 at the time. She said it's hard. She said things can be taken out of context and you can be severely punished for it. Howard asked if she's still banned from the Philippines. She said she's not sure. Howard said that stuff can blow over pretty quickly.
Howard said that Claire didn't work for 2 years because she said all the roles she was being offered were dinky girl roles. She said she did Temple Grandin. She said that she had less tolerance for roles that weren't going to challenge her. She said sometimes you have to work to keep that muscle in shape.
Howard asked Claire about when she does a love scene and the actor gets an arousal. He asked what she does. She said that has never happened to her. Howard asked if Leonardo really didn't get aroused. She said he didn't and that's true. Howard said you'd think that would happen. She said that they have all sorts of equipment on to make sure it doesn't happen. Howard said he was aroused in every scene he was in with a woman. Howard said he'd just lay in bed and kiss someone and he'd get aroused. Howard said it was terrible. Claire said maybe she's bad in pretend bed or something.
Howard asked about Terminator 3 and if that was too big of a blockbuster. She said it was out of character for her. She said they had cast Sophia Bush to do it and then they came to her. She said that she had fun doing the movie. She said the sense of scale was awesome. She said it wasn't so much about acting. She said that it was tough working with the green screen thing.
Howard asked when she's going to be in a nude scene. Claire said she's not prudish in life but if she doesn't have to do it she wont. She said that it's got nothing to do with her being a mom or anything. She said if it was something about the character that was going to be revealed that's fine. She said she's not going to do it just 'cause. Howard said he's going to make a remake of My So Called Life and everyone will be nudists in it. Claire said that's genius.
Howard asked Claire if she was hinting that she's done with Homeland. She said she has to do another season because she's contracted to but she would continue to do it because they have such a great crew. She said she wants to see it to the very end. Howard said Mandy Patinkin is so talented. Howard said he seems difficult to him but he doesn't know. Claire said he's amazing. She said the first couple of seasons they were in the same apartment complex. She said that she and Morena went to high school together. Howard said that it seems like she's gone to school with everyone since she moved around schools so much. Claire said that they became very good friends on the set in those early seasons. Claire said they had dinner parties and it was really so lucky that they had this community that emerged so naturally. She said they were shooting in Charlotte, North Carolina so they were all away from home. Howard said he would have sworn that Brody would have gotten aroused in the sex scenes. She said they were all good friends. She said that they played the dance video games together and things like that. She said that's the only arousal they had.
Howard asked if it was pressure in her personal life when she dated Billy Crudup. Howard said that he got shit for that. Howard asked if it was a scary thing for her because she was being judged. She said it was a scary thing. Claire said she was just in love with him and she had to explore that. She said she was 24 and she didn't know what the consequences would be. She said she went through it. Howard said she should see who he banged. Claire said that they're still friends.
Howard asked who her close friends are. Claire said that she grew up in New York City and she has a lot of friends there now. She said they've been friends forever. She named a bunch of her friends that she'd had for a long time. Howard asked if it comforts her that she has those friends. She said she's just had them forever. She said she has friends in the business too.
Howard asked Claire about getting a review in the NY Times and memorizing it so she could perform it. Claire said she still has it memorized. She said it was so hurtful. Howard said that's a bad thing to keep in mind. She said she got a glowing review for another thing she did so she's learned that it's not helpful to read reviews. She said it's all gobeldy gook.
Howard asked about working with Steve Martin and what that was like. Claire said he's a genius. She said she doesn't think she's met a smarter person. She said that he is kind and gentle and the story of the movie was about that. She said that he is very sensitive. She said she thinks that comedians are all like that. She said they're all reading the world. Howard asked if she speaks to him at all now. Claire said they don't hang out but she would be very happy to see him. Claire said that she thinks you just move on.
Howard asked if Claire prepares for winning awards and writes a speech. She said you have to. She said she has won 3 Emmys and she won 4 Golden Globes. Howard asked if that turns her on. She laughed and said ''You and arousal...'' Claire said that once you win an award you've been validated. She said it's okay. She said that's not why they do what they do. Howard said it does mean something. She said it might help you get more work. Howard asked if you put the awards in her bathroom. Claire said that she's been renovating her place for years and she's been filming in Berlin and places like that. She said she hasn't been in the United States for a long time. She said her husband was with her in South Africa.
Howard asked what role she'll be turning down next. Claire said that's an adorable way of saying that. Howard asked if she saw Titanic. She said of course she did. Howard said he doesn't think he could go see a movie that he turned down.
Howard asked where her awards are. She said they're in a box right now. She said that she will display them once the home is ready.
Howard asked Claire about her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he thinks you have to pay for it. She said that she doesn't have to pay. She said she thinks that FOX pays for it. She said that it was a very touching thing to have people there at the ceremony.
Howard asked if Claire and her husband pool their money. She said it's more complicated than that. She said they are very much together and all is well.
Howard said they love Homeland. He said it's awesome. Howard said he loves what she's doing with it. Howard said you can see her on Homeland on Sunday nights at 9pm on Showtime. Howard asked if her kid wants to be an actor, what will she say. Claire said that scares her. She said they'd love for the kid to be an Environmental engineer which doesn't mean anything. She said it sounds good though.
Howard asked if she would do a movie if Amy Schumer or Louis C.K. offered her a role but she had to be nude. She said she would. Howard asked if she was naked in front of Steve Martin. She said she was face down with her naked ass up in the movie. Howard said that's a great ass. Howard asked if she works out. She said she does run. She said she loves that. Claire said she had to work up to that.
Howard said he hasn't seen last night's episode of Homeland yet. He said he will watch it tonight after he masturbates. Howard said Claire really doesn't know where the show is going. She said she really doesn't. She said they're hustling with the last few episodes.
Howard asked how long she has to memorize a script. She said she's constantly learning new lines. She said it gets harder as the season goes on. Howard gave her more plugs and thanked her for coming in. Claire said it was great and she thought both of them were great. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has another good phony phone call. He said Seth Rogen is going to call in shortly. He said that he's also coming in November 17th. He said he would have been in live but they wanted to save him for November. Howard said he's got a lot going on.
Howard said he's wondering about this Kim Davis chick who said that she had a meeting with the pope and now the pope is saying it was just a meeting with a bunch of people and it wasn't a private meeting with just her. Howard said that the church is against gay marriage but he's denying having a meeting with her. He did have a private meeting with a gay guy. Robin said they fired a priest who came out as gay though. Howard said he's confused. Howard said he's still trying to figure the whole thing out. Howard said he was in the same room but she just happened to be there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said her husband turned her on to Homeland. She said that interview was fantastic. She said that she heard that she's very cordial and nice when you meet her in person. Howard said he can tell a phony when he meets one. He said she's a straight shooter.
Mariann said she ordered the new book that Beth has coming out. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said they have a sequel to the Yoda book that has Buddy in it (Yoda Gets A Buddy). He said all of the money goes to North Shore Animal League.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk says that someone stole his identity on Periscope. He got Jeff on the phone and Jeff said that other guy has 50,000 followers. He said he has 53,000 himself. He said that he can block those people. Howard said without The Lump he's not that good. Jeff thanked Howard for not having him on. Howard said he can put him on. He said it might help his appearance. Howard said he's not going to get started and let Jeff go.
Howard said he has a clip of Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about breast cancer awareness. It was an Arnold impersonator talking about how women have to get their titties checked.
Howard said he has this clip of Justin Bieber and it's very pretentious. Howard said that kids who get into the entertainment business don't know what the hell they're doing. He said he's going to exclude Claire Danes from that though. He said she seems pretty normal.
Howard said Bieber put out this statement about how to take a picture with him. Howard said he's discussing that in this clip. Howard said that this lack of self awareness comes from being famous so young. Bieber said that if he's walking somewhere and someone is asking to take a photo he may not respond. He said if he continues walking he doesn't want to do it at that moment. He said screaming louder won't help. He said he wants to enjoy the moment too but there has to be respect given.
Howard said Bieber is back in the top 5 and he thought he was going to be humbled by not having another top 5 hit. Howard said he's at number 2 this week. Howard played some of his song and then had Robin singing that song. Howard said they have their own version of that song too. Howard said they used it in a phony phone call. Howard played some of the song ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' and laughed. Howard did his impression of Bieber being a douche and telling people how to take photos with him. He said he really comes across as a douche. Howard said you have to be so un-self-aware. Howard said he thought by now he'd be at a convention being goofed on by Wolfie.
Howard played the phony phone call Chris Wilding made using the ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' song parody. He called a radio show saying that he heard his young daughter listening to this new Justin Bieber song. The host of the show gave a speech about that and then Chris called back with more of the song. The host said that this music causes homosexual behavior. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Seth is calling in about the movie ''Steve Jobs'' and he plays Steve Wozniak in this one. Seth said he didn't read the book that the movie was based on but he did read the script. He said he lied to Walter Isaacson 2 days ago about reading the book.
Howard said Seth had to audition for this part. Seth said he did. Howard asked if that insulted him. Seth said not at all. He said he doesn't want to ruin a fancy, dramatic movie. He said that they expect actors to audition for them too. He said that they do ask really famous people to audition for them. Howard asked where he is now. Seth said he's in Michael Strahan's dressing room. Howard asked if he is high right now. Seth said he is a little bit. Howard said if he had to go on Kelly and Michael he can't imagine being like that. Howard said it's like a superpower to him. Seth said it is a superpower. He said he has a one hitter contraption he uses for that.
Howard asked if he was high in that Steve Jobs movie. Seth said he was not. He said that he just talked to Michael Fassbender about that the other day. He said he wasn't high at all during the shoot. Howard said that Seth has said that he has more dialog than he has in any other movies combined. Howard said Steve Wozniak even said it was like watching Steve Jobs and watching himself. Seth said it's great that the guy who invented computers doesn't hate him.
Howard asked what the dressing room is like over there. Seth laughed and said it's really nice actually. He said there are two people in there with him. He said he almost did it next to Hugh Jackman as he ate breakfast. Howard asked if he wants to ask who they are. They were assistants and someone who works for Michael Strahan's company.
Howard asked what the worst thing is that the assistant has to do for Strahan. The woman said ''Nothing.'' Howard figured she wants to keep that job.
Howard asked Seth if this new movie is with Sony. Seth said it is. Howard said Seth was promoting that movie about North Korea, The Interview, and the last interview they did was with him. Seth said that's because after that the movie wasn't going to come out. He said that it's the biggest selling digital title of all time now. Seth said he was pissed about that whole thing. He said he's still trying to get over it. Howard asked if Sony wouldn't have put him in this new movie. Seth said he still works at Sony. He said he has another one coming out next summer. He said the amazing thing about Hollywood is how fast you're forgiven. He said you can keep working.
Howard said that Tim Cook said he didn't like this Steve Jobs movie and Aaron Sorkin came out and pointed out that his company has children in China assembling their products for 17 cents an hour so he should shut up.
Howard said that Seth is now writing a movie about the Quran. Seth laughed and said he's actually afraid to keep going with this bit with Howard. Howard asked Seth to go out there and tell them that he's writing a movie about the Quran. Seth said he can't do that. Howard was begging him to do it. He said he should tell them he's writing a movie about Kim Davis.
Howard said he heard that Seth did a great job with the Wozniak part. Howard asked if he met with him. Seth said he did a few times. He said he was just with him 2 days ago. Howard asked what they talk about. Seth said that he asks whatever comes to his head. He said that he does that now after doing that with Barbara Streissand in that movie he was in with her.
Seth said that Strahan is coming into the room to change in a few minutes. Howard said he has to ask to see his cock. Seth laughed. Howard asked if he has seen the Steve Jobs movie. Seth said he has seen it 3 times. Howard asked if they get a real feeling of who Steve Jobs was. Seth said he thinks so. He said that he didn't put any thought into the guy who made his phone before making this movie. He said it's written and directed very well.
Robin asked about working with Michael Fassbender. Seth said they're asking him to move to another phone. Howard told him to tell them to fuck off. Seth asked Michael if he wanted to talk to Howard. Michael got on the phone and said he can't afford to have relationships break up because of him. He said he loves Howard but he didn't last long on the line.
Howard asked Seth to tell Michael to take his pants off. Seth said the guy is in incredible shape. Howard told him to ask who his new girlfriend is. Seth said he can't do that. He was laughing and telling Michael he's being very nice right now. He said he's taking a hit. Howard asked if he wants him to hang up. Seth said he respects that this is a good moment on the show. Seth said they really don't want him in that room on that phone. Howard gave Seth some plugs for the movie and let him off the hook.
Howard told him to come in next month to talk. Seth said he'll be in there to talk for hours. Howard said he's another dude so why don't they want him in there. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he loves that guy Seth.
Robin said she wanted to ask if they asked him to stay straight when he was acting. Howard said everyone tried out for that movie. He said Steve Jobs was going to be played by Christian Bale and a bunch of other guys. Howard said that Michael Fassbender got the part. Robin said he played Magneto in the X-Men movies. Howard said that guy is good as Magneto. Howard said they should cast someone like Caitlyn Jenner in a role like that. Howard said he would do that. Howard said he'd be the guy in the theater yelling out ''That's Magneto!''
Howard welcomed Bob to the studio. Howard said he's going to sit in for an hour or so. Howard said he gave to the David Lynch foundation. Howard told Bob to enjoy. He was there alone. Howard asked if he's in radio because he has a deep voice. Bob said he is not. He said he runs an international business consulting firm in Washington. Howard said he will try to up his game for him.
Howard spent a little time talking to Bob about his job and where he went to school. Howard said he sounds like a smart guy and an influential guy.
Howard talked to Bob about who he likes in the run for president and things like that. They ended up talking about gun control for a short time. Howard said he has a solution. Howard said maybe they all go to school in a suit of armor. Howard said it would be like an Iron Man costume for everyone. Howard said when he saw that Oregon shooting story he was like ''Fuck.'' He said he read the profile of the guy who did the shooting and it was sort of fascinating. Howard said they said he may have had Asperger's. Howard said that if you're not in the army and running around in fatigues then maybe they should investigate the guy. Howard said Bob is like the Anti-Baba Booey. He said he doesn't say much. He said he must have seen some wicked crap going on. Howard asked if he thinks that the Chinese are hacking us with computers. Bob said it happens all the time. Howard asked if he speaks Chinese. Bob said he does not.
Howard asked about them eating cats over in China. Bob said it's mostly dogs. Howard said he seems like a pretty serious guy. Bob said he is. Howard asked if he has killed anyone. Bob said he has not. Howard said he doesn't believe it.
Howard said he was listening to the song Hey Bulldog the other day. He played some of the song and analyzed the lyrics. Howard figured it was about talking to your dog. Howard said that's a guy who is so lonely that he only has a bulldog... He thinks.
Howard said McCartney's bass is so great on this song. Fred said that John Lennon apparently says that this is a great selling record that means nothing. He said that they don't even say Bulldog in the song. Howard said they do though.
Howard said that's such a good song. He said he loves it. Howard said they should take a break. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Dave Grohl did a version of Hey Bulldog. He played some of that song. Howard said Dave picked it because it's a good one. Howard said he knows what to cover. He said Dave is a smart guy. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he refuses to get bigger pants. He said that would make all hell break loose. Howard said he bought all of these new clothes and he can't fit in them. He said he looked at himself naked and that was a mistake. Howard said Beth was tugging at his chest hair and she asked ''what's this?'' Howard said he thinks that meant it was too long. Howard said that he went into the bathroom to take care of it. He said he got his clippers and set it at number 5. He said nothing happened. He said he moved to level 4 and then 3 and then 2. He said he got to level 1 and it all came off. Howard said he looked like a plucked chicken. He said then he shaved his belly and you can see how out of shape he is. Howard said he has no tone at all. Howard said he went down the belly and then shaved his bush. He said he has like no hair down there. He said it's just on the shaft of his penis where he has long hairs. Howard said he has a small penis so the hair is on his shaft. Howard said all he knows is that he looks ridiculous now. Howard said it's a bad look.
Howard said he thinks he's said to himself that he can't get into shape. Howard said if he runs half a mile he starts to hurt. He said his neck and shoulders hurt. He said he can't turn his head if he runs. Robin said the body is saying it can't take it anymore. Howard said it's all of a sudden. Howard said yesterday he walked on the treadmill while watching Saturday Night Live. Howard said he did that for 40 minutes. He said that's a pussy move. He said he's not going to lose weight doing that.
Howard said he used to be able to do tons of pull ups. He said now he can't do that. He said he's in pain after doing that. Howard said he thinks it might be time for him to be fat. He said he watches his diet but that's not going to do it.
Howard said that he drew a picture of himself this weekend. He said Beth said it wasn't that good. He said someone else said it was really good. Howard said he isn't sure if it's good enough. Howard said he's thinking about doing Pilates. He said that it looks funny when guys do it. Robin agreed. Howard said someone told him to do Yoga but he doesn't think that will go down that well. Robin said Dr. Agus told him to do that. Robin said he has a walking desk. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard took a call from a guy, Chad, who said that he has had sex with a Chinese woman. He said that she was very submissive. Howard said that sounds lame. Chad said that she liked being told what to do. Howard said that could be hot. Chad said he told her to do his laundry. Howard asked what he told her to do. Chad said he's kind of prying now. Howard said who cares and hung up on him. He said he called in to talk and then he says he's prying.
Howard said he eats nothing all day and he gets ravenous when he eats dinner. He said that he has cut out all in between meals. Robin asked if he has lost weight since he started taking the snacks out. Howard said he has just maintained. He said he may have lost 2 pounds. He said he's just saggy. He said he has to tighten up. He said he has to be able to turn his head. Robin asked if it's psychological. Howard said it is but what is he going to do. Robin told him to get rid of it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to get into Transcendental Meditation and he's looked into it but they say that you have to pay for it. Howard said it's a one time fee. Howard said that they charge for it because they have an organization. He said it's just a one time fee though. He said he recommends it to people. He said you can go to a center and learn it and it's a one time fee. Howard said he enjoys it. Howard asked how many times he has to explain it. Robin said that people do wonder why they have to pay for something. Robin said they'll pay that for a pair of shoes that do nothing for you but they question the Transcendental Meditation thing. Howard said it's good and it keeps him calm so fuck off! Howard said he gets the same call every time. Howard said people will pay $1000 for Botox. He said skip the Botox... asswipe. Howard said if you want to be mellow and relaxed like him then do it. Howard said imagine if he didn't do it. Howard said yesterday he was out of steam and he went and meditated and he was fine after that.
Howard said Underdog Lady sang for the pope the other day. Howard played a clip of her singing. Howard said she sang that for Shuli. He said they have a dance remix of that song. Howard played that too. Howard said he thinks it's a hit. Robin said she doesn't think that's it. Howard said it's way better than the top 5 in Japan. Howard said he has that top 5 from Japan. Howard played the songs that are in the top 5 over there. Howard it's as bad as our top 5. Howard said he's glad he lives in the United States. He said he'd rather hear the top 5 here. Howard played the top 5 from here in the States too. He had Robin singing Silento. Howard said that Drake is at number 4. Howard said The Weeknd is at number 3. He said number 2 is Justin Bieber. Howard played Robin singing that one too. Howard said number 1 was The Hills. He said he had Casey Kasem type facts about each song but he spared us from that.
Howard said you have to hear High Pitch Eric talking about shitting tips. Howard played some of his tips and Eric was talking about poking his finger in his ass really deep to get the shit out. He said he ears gloves when he does that. Howard said that can't be true. Then he played one where Eric talked about wiping with a shower curtain. He said you can always wash it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Apple and Google being the top names in business these days. Robin read about some of the other big companies who are in the top 10. Howard said he got the new iPhone and he's kind of disappointed. Howard said he's kind of digging it because Siri is becoming like a real person. Howard said he turned on the Hey Siri application. Howard took his phone out and demonstrated what it can do. Howard told it to send an email and it told him to unlock the phone. He did that and told it to send an email to Robin. He went through the process and canceled at the last minute. Howard asked Siri how to get rid of Benjy. Siri gave him some information. Howard asked how he can get Fred to give him a hand job. Siri found something. Howard asked Siri what she's wearing. She said no one knows what you're wearing in the cloud. Howard asked if she has big titties. Siri said she can't answer that. Howard said that's pretty good. Robin told Howard about some other things that the phone does and Howard said he doesn't do any of those things.
Robin said that Google is changing it's name to Alphabet. Robin said it takes effect today. Robin said that the search engine stays the same but the company name is Alphabet. Robin said they will trade under that name. Robin said the stock symbol will remain the same. Howard asked why they would do that. Robin said they must have some plans that will take them in different directions. Howard said Fred did that with his name and no one went along with it. Robin said they'll see.
Robin read about how Roger Waters has criticized Bon Jovi over their concert in Israel. Howard said Roger Waters has to shut up. He said that he lives in the United States and he must not be able to stand it if he's against what's going on over there. Howard said Israel is tiny and it's in the middle of the desert. Howard said that they have no water and no one can live there. Howard said no one did live there until they stuck the Jaws there. Howard said the Palestinian's and the Israelis have to live there. Howard said he's not sure where he wants the Jews to go. Howard asked if he wants them to go back to the concentration camp. Howard said Waters is a fuck head. Howard said he has a friend who is super Jewish and he's friends with Roger Waters so he asked him what's up with that. He said the guy pretended he didn't know something was going on. Howard said there are a lot of countries that were created like Israel. Howard said he doesn't know what Roger Waters has going on. Howard said he ran into Roger not too long ago and he said ''Thanks a lot...'' Howard said he can tell him he's full of shit if he wants to. Howard said that he thinks he's a little too consumed with it. Howard asked Fred what's up with this guy. Fred said he really doesn't know. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a child psychologist who is talking about the gun violence in the country and how there is nothing that needs support more than the sudden death of a child. Robin said there is no way for parents to prepare for the death of a child. Howard said he's not sure what to do about gun violence.
Robin said that the husband of Gabby Giffords is calling for more gun control after the shootings in Oregon. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he's not sure what the solution is. Howard said he's all for background checks. He asked Bob if he is too. Bob said it makes sense. Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about how teachers should be armed to help with this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard mentioned his neck and running. He said there's a treadmill that can hold you up off of it. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said he just wants to be able to put on his sneakers and run outside.
The caller said last week Howard mentioned David Letterman and his crazy beard. Howard said he thinks it's Dave's way of telling people to stay away and leave him alone. The caller asked if Howard really thinks he could retire. Howard said he would be happier if he did. He said he isn't sure why he doesn't retire. The caller asked what his shrink says. Howard said he doesn't say anything. He said he just listens.
Robin read more about the gun control thing and said that Chris Christie has a plan for locking people up. Robin had a clip of him talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were talking about Aspirin and if he's still taking that and not taking vitamins. Howard said he does take a baby aspirin every day. He said he was taking Vitamin D but Dr. Agus told him to stop. Howard said his stomach gets upset from other vitamin pills. Howard said he doesn't take them. The caller said you have to eat real, actual food. Howard said ''Right!'' and hung up. He did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton being on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin said she played a bartender while some cast mates talked about Donald Trump. Howard said he watched that. He said he thought it was a good episode of Saturday Night Live. Howard said Miley Cyrus was the host and she was good in the show. Howard said she thinks she's good because she has an acting background. Robin had some audio from Saturday Night Live that she had Howard play.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump talking about being parodied on Saturday Night Live. Robin said Trump thinks Taran Killam did a good job. She had some audio of Trump talking about that episode.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can solve the shooting problem. He said that every one of these shooters has trouble getting laid. Howard said that anyone who hasn't gotten laid by 25 should be put in a mental hospital. Howard said these guys get all worked up and go out shooting. Howard said they blame people for their problems. Howard said this guy shot a woman in a wheelchair. Howard said he did us a favor and killed himself too. Howard said when you can't get laid it's a big problem. Bob agreed.
Robin read a story about the family of the Oregon student who did the shooting is showing remorse. Robin said they say they are shocked and saddened by what happened. Robin said the statement didn't name the gunman who is named Christopher Harper-Mercer.
Howard said this guy Bob is really adding to the show. Howard said he should hire him full time. Bob said he would do it for no fee.
Robin said the pope is reaffirming the catholic church's stance on gay marriage even though he's preaching for showing compassion for all people. Robin had some details about that and how they let go of a preach when he came out as gay.
Robin read a story about it being Nobel Prize week. Robin gave Howard some details about that.
Robin read about the box office and how The Martian did very well. Howard said he isn't sure he needs to see that after seeing the trailers. Robin said it made $55 million this weekend. Robin went through the other top 5. Robin wrapped up with the news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon said Ronnie sounds creepy in that clip. Jon said he wants to talk about Claire Danes. He said he though it was a really strong interview. He said he was one of those people who said that she seems like she's really insane in that role. Jon said she's been acting so long.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it doesn't seem like Howard keeps in touch with the people on the show who leave but he asks his guests about it. He asked if they think Howard will keep in touch with Robin if he retires. Jon said that's a good question. The caller said Howard doesn't keep in touch with a lot of people who have come and gone. Jon said if the show ends at the end of this year then who does Howard stay in touch with? Jon said he thinks that he stays in touch with Robin and maybe Fred. He said that Gary is the key. He said he doesn't think Howard would keep in touch with him. Jon said some of their relationship is based on work. If work is gone then Gary has no need to talk to Howard. He said he thinks Howard enjoys Gary's company but he doesn't think they'd stay in touch if the show went away unless it involved a project that involved the show.
Rahsaan asked if he thinks they'd check in from time to time. Jon said he thinks holiday cards would be exchanged. The caller said he wonders about the rest of the crew keeping in touch. He said he thinks Sal and Richard are gone. Jon said he doesn't think Howard is staying in touch with anyone related to work. He said their circles just won't overlap. Jon said he thinks it would hurt a lot of people. He said he's sure Gary would miss it but he has a life outside of the show. Jon said he thinks the guys in the back could get together once in a while. He said he can't imagine who Howard would want to get together with if the show ended. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Billy on the Street is great. He said that he really goes after people on the show. Billy said they really go there on the Difficult People show too.
Gary said he thinks that Joan Rivers holds the record for the number of times a guest has been on the show. Gary said he saw Billy at her funeral. He asked what he expected when Howard got up there. Billy said Howard wasn't in the program. He said he didn't know he was going to do anything. He said Howard was the first one to get up. He said everyone from New York media was there. He said when Howard got up he gasped. He said that he gave the greatest eulogy of all time and it was in the spirit of Joan. He said that was monumental.
Billy said Joan's death was very surprising and it came out of nowhere. He said it was unexpected. He said to see Howard there showed how big of a deal it was.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard will keep in touch with him. Gary said he thinks they'll chat early on but then after that it might be once a year they'll get the gang together for a his birthday or something. Gary said Howard doesn't even want to do it now though. Gary said Howard is a big emailer but he has the feeling that he'll just change his email address when he's done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard is a good interviewer but he overly fixates on the sex lives of the guests. He said that the Claire Danes thing really showed this. Jon said he wants to talk about this. He said everyone has sex and Howard removes the taboo from it. Gary said how you talk about it says a lot about who you are and Howard is interested in that. Billy said that you don't expect it on Conan but from Howard you do. He said you want to talk about certain things with some people. He said he'd be willing to talk to Howard about that but maybe not with Michael Strahan. Billy said he'd be up for talking about that stuff with Howard. Gary said that's great.
Jon said Seth Rogen was in Michael Strahan's dressing room and they had an awkward moment there. Gary said Howard found it odd that Michael didn't want Seth in there when he got changed. Gary said he asked Howard if he'd change in front of someone and Howard said probably not.
Jon said that Seth was talking about how they audition people for his movies. He said that they do it for almost anyone they have up for a role. Billy said he's sure they don't do that with their close friends. Billy said he did a scene for Neighbors 2 and Seth was familiar with his work.
Jon asked Billy about doing Billy on the Street and how he got started doing that with A-listers. Billy said they were on a smaller network but even before that they were online. Billy said they are on TruTV now starting Thursday. He said the first season they had a couple of celebrities like Joan Rivers. He said that they did well and they brought it back for the next season. He said they have Tina Fey on this season and they just do it for fun. He said they don't even promote anything on the show. Gary said the one that blew his mind was Letterman. Billy said that was insane. Gary asked if he just asked him to do it. Billy said he did Dave's show and he asked Dave's producer if he'd join him on the street. Billy said that they told him that it was the first time Letterman left his studio in years. Gary said it looked like he was having a good time doing it too. Billy said when they were just walking and waiting for the camera guy Dave was pointing out architecture at the Chelsea Hotel. He said he didn't think Dave had been out much.
Jon asked Gary if Howard would do something like that. Gary said he thinks Howard would ask how many hours he'd be out. Billy said he did like 90 minutes with Letterman. Gary said it would be a chore for Howard. Jon said they have to let Billy go to his next thing. He wrapped up with him and gave him a plug for the new season of Billy on the Street and then went to break.
Jon said he really enjoyed Claire Danes on the show today. Gary said that he felt like Howard was talking to a person and not just an actress. He said those are the interviews that he likes. Jon said that Howard loved her in My So Called Life. Gary said that he just put them on his Netflix list. Jon said she's only 15 in the show. Gary said that he heard it was ground breaking for the time. Jon said there wasn't anything else like it at the time. He said the networks didn't know what to do with the show and it made a huge mark. Jon said that Claire said that she was the one driving the train at the time too. Gary said that his kids have had that train early on but they've had more than one thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks the fans deserve to hear Artie back on the show talking about the issues they have. Gary said that Howard is doing the show he wants to do and he thinks that answers that question.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was poking at Jeff the Drunk and he said ''Rest in peace Hanzi'' and that got Jeff to block him. He said that Jeff's broadcasts are so bad. He said he's glad he stopped watching. Gary said it sounds like he was enjoying it until he blocked him. The caller said he was trying to enjoy them. He said lately it's plugs for a web site and the mugs and stuff. He said it hasn't been worth the time. Gary asked if he would watch it if he could get him unblocked. The caller said he might watch but he's not dying to watch. He said it's not as annoying as Medicated Pete but it's not even Wack Pack entertaining.
Jon took a call from a guy who said over the past year or so Howard brings in talents like Claire Danes and there's like anticipated questions. He said that Howard asks about actors falling in love with their co-stars. Gary said Howard does ask about that. Gary asked the caller what he does for a living. The guy said he's a university professor. Gary said that these people are taking their clothes off and pretending to be passionate together. He said Howard is wondering if you fall in love with your co-star when that is going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he has ever purchased a Baba Louie cell. Gary said he does have one but he's not sure if he paid for it. The caller said that this guy Bob who came in today was so tight lipped that Howard didn't kiss his ass. He said he thought Howard was fascinated by that. Gary said he was quiet and he's not sure if Howard was fascinated by it. Gary said that if you're talking to a guy and not getting a lot out of him you might try talking to him more. Gary said he took some shrapnel over it too.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. Gary and Jon spent a little time talking about that and then they ended the show. They were done around Noon.
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Howard started the show introducing everyone there. He said he was so busy yesterday. He said he got into bed early and watched Homeland. He said he watched The Strain too. He said that was really good. He said he was so depressed when it was over. Robin said she wanted some coming attractions. Howard said he did too. Howard said he thought Homeland was terrific. Robin said she still hasn't seen that episode.
Howard said Claire Danes was in the studio and he doesn't see himself as being famous. He said he was talking to her for an hour yesterday and then he was watching her on TV. He thought about how he was just talking to her and you can't relate the two people. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He tried to explain it but he wasn't getting it out. Howard said it felt weird seeing her on TV and in the studio.
Howard said he listens to new music and all kinds of other stuff. Robin said he doesn't listen to classical or country. Howard said he does listen to Willie Nelson. Howard said he listens to LeAnn Rimes. He said he likes some of Willie's songs. Howard said he does listen to some country. He said that the new country music is like soft rock. Howard said it's country rock. Robin said Don Henley has put out a country album. Howard said he put out a ton and they were called the Eagles albums.
Howard said he was listening to a new song from a band called Thermometer. Fred said the band is called Kopps and the song is Thermometer. Howard had Fred play that song. Robin asked where he heard this. Howard said he thinks the song name is shitty. He said he kind of digs the chick singing. Howard asked if it's a hit song at all. He said it should be. Robin said they'd know it if it was. Howard said Benjy is rubbing his tits to the song. Howard said he could dance to it with Robin. Robin told him not to start that. Howard said he digs this song. Robin said she could never listen to it again. Howard said he loved it so much he downloaded it. Howard said he wasn't sure if it was new or if it had been around a while. Howard said he just read they have 853 Twitter followers. Howard said he listens to this stuff on streaming services. He said he doesn't promote them since he works for Sirius though. Howard said Sirius pays him so he shouldn't.
Robin said they say that cassette tapes are making a comeback. Howard said not in his house. Robin said they say that it has an analog sound to it and it's a better sound. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Howard said that he listened to a Tony, Toni, Tone song too. Fred found one of their songs for Howard. Howard said he was listening to this in his house this weekend. Howard said sometimes he pretends he's in a band.
Howard said this guy CC Sabathia is in the news and he really doesn't give a shit. Howard said they're saying he's a drinker and baseball knew about it. Howard said there have been other drunks in baseball in the past. Howard said if he watches baseball he has to drink. He said if he had to watch it he'd be a drunk too. Howard said that he's hearing that it's a distraction for the team. Howard said the guy could go into rehab for a week or two. Howard said he's sure there's a hypocrisy there but he's not sure what it is.
Howard said he's so into it. He said Gary beat Rapaport this week. Howard asked if he yelled at him. Gary said it got weird last night. He said Rapaport was emailing him about how he was going to be outside his house watching with the Vaseline. He said he went off on Rapaport himself and turned it on him. He said he became the dick that he was. Then Rapaport went silent. Howard said he heard that he went to Sal and complained that he was cyber bullying him. Gary said Matt Berry is leading the league now and that kills Rapaport.
Howard played a clip from Rapaport's podcast where he was talking about how upset he is about losing to Gary. Rapaport was venting about Gary and how he got him again.
Howard said guys take fantasy football so seriously. He said he's beside himself over Gary beating him. Howard played more of his venting clip. Rapaport said he lost to the gorilla MaMa Monkey. He said he's not sure how to process it. Rapaport said he almost burst a blood vessel in his head over it. Howard said when he loses he gets all quiet. Robin said he boasts and then he suffers.
Howard said Gary gloated and sent him an email and then he complained about being cyber bullied. Howard said JD responded with a song too. Howard played a clip of JD mumbling and telling them to get this rap song off. Howard said Rapaport was humbled. He said he was talking a lot of shit on the Wrap Up Show. Howard played a clip of Rapaport going off on Gary one day on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Rapaport tells JD that he's going to fuck him in the ass and then JD sends him gay porn and Rapaport is beside himself. Howard played a clip of him talking about that on the Wrap Up Show too. Howard said whatever anyone else does is wrong but what he does is right.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said they have to get rid of Bobo. He said his questions are stupid and his hair is stupid. He said he's a nice guy though. They played another song parody about Bobo.
Howard said he's trying to understand why people don't like Bobo. Howard said he thinks the fans have a point. He said he doesn't think anyone cares about the answer to his question. Howard said he never thinks about that kind of thing. Ralph asked who cares.
Howard said Bobo's Toupee is on the phone. He got him on the line. Bobo's Toupee asked Bobo when he's going to shove his phone right up his ass. He asked why he's up all night taking Ambien. Bobo tried arguing with him but Bobo's Toupee was talking over him. Bobo was trying to joke around with the toupee but it wasn't working.
Ralph asked if Michael Rapaport is gay because he wants to fuck everyone in the ass. Howard said he's not gay but he does talk about a lot of gay stuff. Robin said then JD sends him gay porn links and he's offended.
Howard let Ralph go and got back to Bobo and his Toupee. Howard said he doesn't have a favorite interview. Robin said this was one of Bobo's worst questions. Robin said it doesn't matter what Howard's answer is. Robin said no one else cares. Bobo said if they put a poll up he's sure people care.
Howard said people say that Bobo's Toupee sounds like Jeff's Lump. He said he's not sure why they say that. He said they're two different things. Bobo's Toupee said they're actually cousins. Howard said he didn't know that. Bobo's Toupee told Robin not to worry about it. He said they both came out of Jeff's ass sore. Howard said he did enjoy interviewing Billy Joel in the town hall thing. He asked if that's a good answer. Bobo said it was.
Howard said Bobo is hoping that Bobo's Toupee will not call in every time. Bobo's Toupee said he has shit to do. Bobo said he rains on his parade. Bobo's Toupee said maybe they'll stop picking up on this idiot. They played Bobo out with a song parody. Howard said everyone has a Bobo song. He mentioned Eli Braden, Psych and others.
Howard said Steve Rannazzisi is coming in at 8. Howard said he made up a story about being in the towers on 9/11. Howard said Gary and the guys know him from the Wrap Up Show and he wanted to ask him about how this whole thing went down. Robin said that you do want to know what makes a person do something like that. Howard said it won't be easy for Steve.
Howard said saying you were in the military is the worst thing you can do. Howard said he was in Vietnam and he hates when people do that. Howard said you see these guys walking around in Military garb and they had nothing to do with the military. Robin said they have people who run for office lying about their service. Howard said it still pains him to talk about what went on in Vietnam.
Gary said last year there was a football coach who said he was in Vietnam and he had to resign when they found out he wasn't. Howard said he may have served with that guy. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Pete asked what the weather was going to be and Siri had something completely different. Howard said at last she tries without telling him to shut the fuck up.
Howard played a clip of Pete asking who built Noah's ark. Siri kept responding with ''I don't know. Who?'' Howard said she's polite. Howard played a clip of Pete asking who painted the Mona Lisa. Robin understood that one. Siri didn't get it right though.
Howard played a clip of a guy calling a radio show and talking about shitting his pants. They were giving him some tips on how to stop the diarrhea. The guy called back a couple of times with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't stand Bobo. He said he thinks he's a stalker. Howard said some of his questions are legitimate. Howard said some of them are good. Robin said every once in a while they are.
Howard took a call from Chad who asked if he's heard about the Burger King black burgers. He said he heard that you start to shit blue green if you eat them. Howard said he can't imagine anyone going to a fast food restaurant. Howard said Jason is the size of 3 baby elephants and it's depressing. Howard said that Jon Hein and JD are eating that stuff too. Howard said he sees JD eating that stuff. JD said he was eating chips and a pita yesterday. Howard said fast food isn't good for you. He said they are defiling their bodies and they have to live in them. JD said the food tastes good. He said he likes to eat it sometimes. Howard said look at the size of him. Howard said what he's doing is defiling his body. JD said he's had the same body for the past 5 years. Howard said he tries to eat reasonably himself. Howard asked JD if he feels shitty when he wakes up. JD said not really.
Chad asked if he feels shitty after he eats the fast food. JD said sometimes he does. He said he hasn't been back to McDonald's since he got diarrhea.
Howard asked why anyone would eat a Halloween burger with food dye in it. Howard said he heard a side effect is mumbling unintelligibly. JD said he's going to leave. Howard said if you contemplate what's happening there you'd stop. JD said sometimes he eats healthy food.
Robin said the other guys don't even come in and try to defend themselves. Howard said not every meal has to be perfect. Howard said Jason looks terrible. Robin said they don't even defend it. Howard said they walk around looking depressed. Howard said Jason has a gym membership and he has a treadmill but he thinks it has potted plants on it. Howard said Jason went to the gym like once.
Jason came in and said he hasn't had a gym membership in 2 years. He said he went about twice in the year he had it. He said the treadmill is never used. He said his wife uses it every day. Howard said Jason should too. Jason said he knows he sounds like an asshole when he talks about food. Jason said he's not into fast food gimmicks so he won't try the Burger King black burger. Howard said good for you.
Howard said he listens to the grandmother and he thinks this is what everyone is thinking about him. Howard said she says he looks like a witch and he walks hunched over. Howard said he knows this and he does walk hunched over because he's 6'5'' and he hits his head on everything. Howard said he walks like a snail. He said he might as well walk on all fours. Howard said she says she knows he has a wig because no one can have hair that nice at that age. Howard said she got everything.
Howard played a clip of Memet's grandmother talking about Howard and saying he looks like a Halloween witch. Howard said he hates Memet's grandmother now too. Howard replayed the clip and Memet's grandmother goes on about his hair and how he walks hunched over. Memet said he's an older man so he looks good for his age. Then she says he has to wear a wig to have hair like that. Howard said everyone on Twitter says the same thing. The grandmother also says it's nice looking hair. Memet said he thinks it's real hair. Memet's grandmother said no one has hair like that. Howard said that's the one handsome thing he has about him. He said that's his hair and he doesn't dye it. He said it's a miracle. Howard said people like his grandmother want to take that from him. Memet said she said she would die to have his hair. Howard said she should do that.
Memet said she's like 80 years old and it's a miserable life. He said he's the only one in her life that calls her. He said no one will speak to her. He said she's like the Grinch with just that little bit of something that you can like.
Howard said growing up his parents were the most liberal parents ever. Howard said they wouldn't leave because they wanted to prove that they could live with the black people. Howard said everyone else moved away. Howard said they'd call the black people ''schwarzas'' though. Howard did his impression of his parents talking about being invited to a schwarza party.
Howard said everything was confusing about them. He said they were so liberal. He said his cousin was gay and she would set him up on gay dates. Howard said that they'd be watching TV and his mother would say that Liberace is a fagela. Howard said that she'd do that but then try to set his cousin Stacy up on dates. Howard said his parents were liberal but they gave confusing messages.
Memet said his grandmother is the same way. He said she was complaining about the gays kissing on TV but she is liberal. Howard said that his dad would come home from work and tell them who he thought was a fagela. Howard did an impression of his dad talking about Ironside being a fagela.
Howard said his parents had tons of black friends. He said then they moved and said they were doing it because of him. Howard said the lady next door was begging them not to leave. Howard said his mother liked it there but he couldn't get along. Howard said he had to get out of that town.
Howard said back then they said those words like fagela and they didn't mean to be mean. They didn't know any better. Robin said that was a nice way of saying that someone was gay back then. Howard said his parents actions spoke more than words. Howard said his parents stayed when everyone else left. Howard said his parents don't use those words now. He said they are still liberal. He said times have changed.
Chad said that his grandmother went off on black people at dinner in a restaurant one night. He said he told her she was being ignorant and she locked herself in the bathroom.
Howard asked Memet about the black burger. Memet said he hasn't tried it yet. He said he's thinking about it. Howard asked why he was there. Howard told him to get out. They went to break after that. They played a Baba Booey song parody as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said that Steve Rannazzisi is there. Howard said he's on a show called The League. Robin said she's a big fan of that show. Robin asked if the new season has started. Steve said it has and they're like 4 episodes in. Howard said Steve has been on the Wrap Up Show a few times. Howard said that he thanks him for coming in. He said he wants to understand this whole thing with the 9/11 stuff. Howard said that he got into some controversy over this thing. Howard asked who figured it out. Steve said the NY Times figured it out. He said there are videos out there but it came out of the blue. He said he got a phone call out of the blue on a Monday. Howard said someone must have known he was making up the story about being in the towers on 9/11.
Steve said it's been 14 years and the story is coming out. He said he did some podcasts a couple years after. He said he was on The League for 6 years and no one asked about it. Howard asked if he's aware of why he lied about it. Steve said he is. He said he's becoming more aware about it now.
Howard said there has to be something psychological about this. Steve said he moved to Los Angeles about a month after 9/11. He said his wife got a job right away and she was making money and making friends. He said he was hanging out at comedy clubs. He said he was just trying to fit in and survive. Steve said he was trying to live a life. Howard asked what he was doing in New York. Steve said he was a recruiter and did some temp jobs. He said he went to school for drama.
Howard asked if the lying was chronic. Steve said that they had something on his Wikipedia page that was wrong but he didn't put that on there. Howard said he didn't lie about the school then. Howard said he doesn't think of himself as a liar. Howard asked if he thinks he's psychologically disturbed. Steve said he's not sure if that's the way to put it. He said he is seeing more about himself and how he's trying to make people like him.
Howard said there are women who hurt their child to make people feel bad for them. He asked if that's it. Steve said maybe. He said it's not like he moved to Los Angeles with this story to fool people. He said he was sitting at the Comedy Store and people asking if he was there on 9/11. He said that you have like 15 seconds to say that's not true. He said that if you pass that time then it becomes true. Steve said he wishes he had that voice that he feels he has now to just know that you don't have to lie about that. He said he doesn't have that.
Howard asked how long the TV show has been on. Steve said 7 years. Howard said he's going back in time and thinking that he hoped that people would feel something for him. Howard said this kid on America's Got Talent this season had a stutter from an accident he had. Howard asked if he thinks that's what was going on. He asked if he felt he had a thing going there. Steve said comedians are cruel people and he thought maybe people wouldn't be as mean to him if they thought he was there.
Robin asked how this became a thing. Steve said that comedians talk. He said the bigger guys would hear the story and Dice would come over and talk to him. He said that he came up with a nickname for him and he didn't know how to tell people the sorry wasn't true.
Howard asked Steve if he understood the Brian Williams thing. Steve said that he can't say ''why did he do that.'' He said that he was very immature himself. He said that he understands how things get away from you for a second.
Howard asked if he wasn't able to sleep at night over this stuff. Howard said the fascinating thing is that his wife went along with it. Steve said she had to. He said she had no choice. Howard asked if they just ignored talking about it. Steve said they did talk about it and she asked what was going on there. Steve said he was there in the city and he did walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. He said he took her story in a way. He said she worked in the financial center building. He said he just told her that the story slipped out and he didn't know what to do to fix it. He said they just went with it and hoped it would go away. Steve said it did go away for a while. He said that the people get to know you and they forget about that. He said it didn't define who you are.
Howard asked if it became a bigger thing when he went on the Pauly Shore podcast. Steve said it did. He said that Pauly had heard the story. He said he had a feeling that he might ask about it so he just told the story as he thought he heard it. He said he wanted to ask him not to put that in and he should have done that. Howard said Marc Maron asked him about it a few months later and the lie became more elaborate. Steve said he did have horrible dreams about it. He said that he knew that people felt the shift in the buildings too.
Howard asked Steve if he felt like he wasn't himself. Steve said he did 3 podcasts and talked about it in all three. He said he wasn't able to look at his kids and wife the same. He said he told his family and friends about it. He said his parents had no idea about it. He said they don't know what's going on in his life like that. He said in 2003 he told his brother what he did. He said his brother told him it was a terrible mistake but he knows who he is. Steve said that his brother is a priest now and they've spoken a lot about this. Steve said the hurt and pain you hear now is coming from him knowing that he hurt a lot of people. He said those people he's truly sorry for. He said that's why he's on Howard's show. He said he feels awful for what he did. He said his dumb mistake created this story that hit a wound that shouldn't have been touched.
Howard asked Steve about having an endorsement deal with Buffalo Wild Wings and they took that away. Howard asked if he was afraid the TV show was going to be taken away. Steve said they only have a couple more episodes to shoot and he didn't know what was going to happen. Howard said they haven't fired him. Howard asked if it's weird to go to the set and do the show. Steve said it was nerve racking. Steve said 95 percent of the people that know him now had never heard the story. He said after 2009 he'd never go on and talk about it. He said he'd just side step the story. He said he'd step away from the awful lie he told.
Steve said most of the people who know him have never heard the story. Steve said the day the story broke he emailed his cast members and they had never heard the story. Howard asked how they reacted. Steve said all of them said they know that it's not who he is. Howard asked if he hangs with people and thinks that they look at him differently. Steve said of course. He said he has to get beyond that.
Howard asked if Steve can survive this as a comic. He asked how he's going to handle this career when this comes out. Steve said that he feels he has to just say he's an idiot and he made a terrible mistake. He said that's not who he is and he's going to move beyond it.
Howard asked Steve about who was there for him when this came out. Steve said his friend Ari was there and told him to get off social media. He said he did that and didn't get on twitter until about an hour and a half ago. Howard asked if he worries about how this is going to affect his career. He said he has to still work hard at this career. Steve said that he is concerned. He said that in a way he's not worried because he has support from people. Howard asked if he thinks he would have come forward with the story himself. Steve said he did that with his friends and family 6 years ago. He said that they know it's not indicative of who he is. Robin said he didn't make public statements until he was outed. Steve said he didn't know how. He said he didn't know what to do. Steve said when he told some people they thought he was sick or something. He said most people don't associate him with 9/11. He said now they do because the stories came out. Steve said that the story would come out in pockets but only if he was friends with someone for a long time and they'd tell other people about it.
Howard said it sounds like this came about when he was most insecure. Howard said he needed some way to bond with people and he told this dramatic story. Howard said it worked for him and it made him more interesting. He said that was his way into the club. Steve said he didn't think it made him more interesting. He said he remembers how quickly it came about. He said that the story just came out when people asked him about being in New York on 9/11. Howard asked if he ever started to believe he was in the building. Steve said no. Howard asked if he's working with a psychiatrist. Steve said he has been going to one the past couple of years. He said he didn't know what co-dependency was before going. He said that he realized that he made a stupid mistake. He said he's trying to become a better person.
Howard asked if the psychiatrist knew about this story before it came out. Steve said she did not. He said he told her about it after. Steve said that she made sure he wasn't suicidal or anything.
Howard said he can't figure out why the wife went along with it. He asked if it was a rub in his marriage for a long time. Steve said he doesn't think so. He said she's incredibly loyal to him and his family. He said she is his light. He said the situation he put her in... He doesn't know. He said that she knows this isn't who he is. Steve said he thinks he has proven himself to be a good person. He said he's trying to make himself better too. He said as his career gets better he feels he has to get better. He said that's why he started to see someone.
Howard asked Steve about how often this comes up now that some time has gone by. Steve said it's not a daily thing. He said they have two kids but they don't talk to them about it. Steve said that they're 6 and 3. He said he's just hoping no one takes it out on them. He said you can yell at him and berate him but not his kids. He said the kids didn't do anything wrong. He said that's what he's ashamed of.
Howard asked if anyone has confronted him about it on the street. Steve said no. He said that he is there today to talk to the people who were affected by it. Robin asked if he had gigs canceled. Steve said they were supposed to be at Comic-Con this week but they're not going to do that because of this.
Howard asked if this is a relief off his back coming on the show and doing this. Steve said relief in a way. He said it's out now. He said he doesn't have to wait and see what's going to happen. He said he doesn't have to live with the lie anymore. He said it has a lot of baggage though. He said that he has to go through that process. He said his brother told him that there's a difference between shame and being ashamed. He said that he's ashamed of telling that lie. He said that's what he's ashamed of. He said he doesn't have shame on him because he knows who he is and how he's going to raise his kids. He said he believes he's a good guy. He said this won't make everyone happy. Howard said there are people who won't let it go. Robin said this is sometimes for financial gain but that's not what this sounds like.
Steve said that Pete Davidson, who is on Saturday Night Live, spoke to him the day the story came out. He said Pete told him that he knows people make mistakes and he is the 9/11 comedian, not Steve. He said that he has to thank Pete for that. He said Pete lost his father on 9/11 and he is very understanding about the whole thing. He said it was touching that he had that kind of empathy for him.
Howard asked Steve if there is anything else that he has to get out. Steve said no. Howard said it's just this one thing. Steve said it is. Robin asked if it could happen again. Steve said he doesn't know. He said that there is nothing out there left to uncover. He said his sister is a special ed teacher and his brother is a priest. Steve said he tells dick jokes. He said he never thought anyone would notice. He said he wasn't famous and he didn't know if anyone would notice.
Howard and Robin wondered how he moves on after this. Steve said he's still going to go on stage and tell jokes. He said that's what he does best. Steve said he came in there today because he knows Howard's audience was hurt by it. He said that to the people he hurt he is still knows that people are hurting. He said he's not sure how to make that go away. Howard said he's sure he's being punished with that every day because he has to live with that lie. Steve said he told his mother about what was going on and that was tough. He said his publicist told him to do that because they weren't sure how big it was going to get. Steve said he told his mother and his mom said that she loves him more than anything in this world and she was going to help in whatever way she could. He said that his father backed him up too and he's been a volunteer fireman for 40 years. He said he was willing to go from firehouse to firehouse to apologize to each and every one of them. Steve said he's going to be okay. He said even if he's never in another commercial or whatever he'll be okay.
Howard asked Steve if he's going to talk about it in his stand up act. Steve said he doesn't know. Howard said he doesn't know Steve or his show but it took balls to come in there today. Howard said that he doesn't think he was trying to profit off the story or anything. He said that it seems to him that Steve needed this to feel better about himself. He said he thinks he did a good job explaining himself. Robin said she had no feelings that she was never going to watch the show again. Howard said he's not going to watch it because why start now? Howard said Benjy thinks he's handsome too so for what that's worth as well. Howard said this has to be depressing as hell.
Robin said Steve tried to limit the damage and for several years it didn't even exist. Steve said he didn't speak about it for years.
Steve said that he got a phone call from a reporter one day and he sent that to his publicist. He said that the reporter had two different stories that he told and that's where it went wrong. He said he admitted it that day. He said he had to go to work after that and the crew told him that he had to eat something. He said he was just walking around out of it. He said he has to take care of his kids and they don't know about this stuff. He said that he has to work on having some kind of self worth and not doing something like this. He said that's what he wants his kids to know.
Howard said he's not going to go to the phones to find out what people are thinking. Howard said he's sure he was nervous as hell coming in there. Steve said he's been there before and he never thought this is the reason he was going to be on the show. Howard said hopefully people will have some forgiveness. He said he'd never leave his house again. Steve said his wife told him not to go on Howard's show. Steve said he thinks that Howard would be able to listen to him and the audience is the people who he wants to apologize. Howard said there are people on the phone who want to yell at him. He said Memet back in the office wants to yell at him. Howard said he knows he's a human being and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He said he just wanted to be accepted. Howard said he thinks Steve just wanted to say he was sorry. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later. Fred played Tony Bennett singing ''New York State Of Mind'' as they went to break.
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Howard said King of All Blacks wants to talk about this. Howard picked up on King and he said when people lie about this stuff other people come out and act like they're perfect. Robin said King is right for the first time ever. Howard said he tried to tell Steve that they've all fucked up. Howard said he's with him on that. Robin said when you're from New York you are asked if you were there. Robin said she can't imagine lying about that.
Howard said Robin is perfect. King said Robin really does think she's perfect. Howard said name something about her that's not. Howard said she was in the military and she was a captain. Howard said she was a trauma nurse. Robin said she could never lie about that because she has such regard for those people. Howard said Robin has killed sharks but only in self defense.
Howard let King go a short time later. Howard said Robin didn't lie about having anal sex in San Francisco. Robin said she's sorry she ever said that. She said she made it all up. Howard said she took it like a champ. Robin said she also lied about running and having to wash off with a garden hose. Howard said she took that like a champ.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they say Steve hasn't profited from his lie but he has. He said that he bets after the show he probably took a picture with Howard. Howard said they didn't take a picture. Howard said he was very disturbed by this story. Howard said he had to think about having Steve on the show. He said there is nothing funny about it. He said he didn't want to turn it into a bit. Howard said he could have had him walk down the street with Fred playing the bell from game of Thrones and yell ''Shame!'' at him. Howard said he wanted to understand this in some way. Howard said he learned that Steve doesn't even understand why he did it. Howard said he thought it would be an interesting way to find out about it. Howard said he was curious and he had Steve on. He said he's glad he had him on. He said he thinks he's a genuine guy and he's sorry for what he did.
The caller said he has to face the music a little more. The caller said Howard handled it the right way. He said he thinks Steve is washing his hands of it and walking away. Robin said she doesn't think that's it at all. Howard said he doesn't either. The caller said he hopes not.
Howard said that they're all angry about what Steve did. He said Memet is really angry about it. Fred said he was in the military. Memet came in again and said that he was in the Air Force for 4 years. He said he did it before college. He said he sees Steve just as bad as people who claim they were in a war. He said that he never left the United States himself. Howard said he wishes he'd lie a little bit. Howard said that he knows it's terrible but he wonders if Steve addressed it the best he could. Memet said that everyone is sorry after the fact and after they get caught. Howard said of course. Howard asked if he'd feel better if he had outed himself. Memet said he would. He said he doesn't buy the crap about him talking to a therapist. He said he thinks he thought it was a cool story. Howard said he's not sure it's that simple. Howard said there's something to it more than that. Memet said he can't fathom lying about something like that. Robin said they can't either. Robin asked what they want Steve to do about it though.
Robin got a laugh out of the Air Force Base being in Oklahoma. She said they don't have to be near the water so they can be anywhere. She just found it amusing that Memet was in Oklahoma.
Howard said there's a clip of the 49ers coach possibly farting during a press conference. Howard said it's after a game and it sounds like the guy farts. Howard played the clip and it did sound like a fart. Howard said that's definitely a fart. Howard said he loves football because of the shit going on around it. Robin asked if he heard about that bad call. Howard said it was a bad call. He said the Ref didn't know the rules essentially. Howard said he's not sure why they can't reverse the call and start over. Gary said they're on a schedule.
Howard said that he has a clip of an announcer talking about the umpire's ''ball bag.'' Howard played that and the announcer was talking about a ball falling out of the ump's sack. Another announcer just says ''ball bag.'' One guy said sometimes they regret that the game is live.
Howard said he can't devote that many hours to watching a game. Robin said Howard paints. Howard said he comes out with a product. He said when you watch a game what do you get. Robin said you get to not be in your world for a while. Howard said you don't get any skills out of that. Howard said that's what he thinks you need. Robin said it's like reality TV for real.
Howard said he wonders about people who are so passionate about their teams. Howard said he has tried but he can't get into it. He said he's fascinated by people who are passionate. Howard said there was this guy who was a Houston Astro and he's so passionate about not wanting transgender people going into a ladies room that he's put out a commercial for it. Howard played the commercial that he was talking about and it was this guy Lance Berkman who was doing that.
Howard said that this guy is thinking that a transgender wants to get into the ladies room to rape a woman. Howard said he's pretty sure that's not why those people want to be in the ladies room. Howard said he's pretty sure if a guy wants to rape a woman he doesn't have to dress up like a woman and go into a woman's bathroom. Howard said he would be all for a woman dressing up like a man and coming into the men's room. Howard said he has no desire to go into a ladies room. He said he doesn't want to know about women shitting at all.
Howard played a clip of that guy Lance talking about the transgender thing and why it bothers him. Robin said how about having his family only go to private bathrooms. Howard said just put them in a bubble so they don't encounter anything.
Howard said Richard's dad eats raccoons and he released this one. Howard said that's confusing. Howard asked Richard why he didn't eat it. Richard said it's not in season. He said his dad follows all the rules. Howard asked why he doesn't just kill it. Richard said his dad doesn't just kill things to kill them. Howard said he's eventually going to kill one anyway. Richard said he only does it when it's legal. Richard said it's like November to January or February for killing raccoons. Howard said he's going to end up as a sloppy Joe in a few weeks. Howard said that has to be vile. Richard said they brought some to an family event and didn't tell anyone what it was. He said one woman got upset about it and never spoke to his mom again.
Howard asked Richard about going to Florida for a haunted house thing. Richard said he's gone there 19 years. He said that they had 9 different haunted houses. He said it's like walking into a real horror movie. He said he had some pumpkin beers before going in there. He said it's like an adult playground.
Howard asked Richard why he gets scared. Richard said they scare you by jumping out or starting a chain saw next to you. Howard said you know nothing bad is going to happen to you. Richard said sometimes bad things do happen to you. He said there's one guy in San Francisco who does stuff like putting snakes on your head and things like that. Howard asked why Richard trusts someone putting a chain saw next to his head. Richard said that's part of the fear. He said it's safe though.
Howard said Richard is so nuts that he went to Kansas the week before to go to a haunted house. Richard said they're great in Kansas City. He said he heard that on Shark Tank Mark Cuban gave the most money ever to a guy who was doing a haunted house.
Robin asked Richard if he's drinking pumpkin lattes too. Richard said he is. Howard said Richard has given up his breakfasts so he can drink more beer. Richard said that he has lunch that's about 150 calories. He said he has a normal meal for dinner. He said yesterday he was at 1000 less calories than he's supposed to be at. He said the beer can be up to 400 or so calories. He has 2 or 3 bottles of that a day. Howard said it's impressive that he's a functioning alcoholic like that. Richard said there's a big Octoberfest tent in the city this weekend. Howard asked if they're going to drink the whole time. Richard said not the whole weekend.
Howard said Richard went on a tour of a brewery and before he went on the tour he drank a six pack. Richard said you can't go in there cold. He said that Kansas City trip was amazing. He said he took his parents to a Royals game. Howard asked if his parents drink. Richard said not really. Howard said he's going to be pissed if Richard never gets liver damage. He said it's just not fair. Robin said she used to speculate on who would get sick first and it turns out it was her.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he has been to the haunted houses that Richard goes to and he figured that he could just jump out and scare people too. Howard said he could dress up and do that. Richard said they don't allow you to do that if you're going through the haunted house. Howard said that Richard went trick or treating until he was 19. Ralph said he went until he was 18. Richard said Ralph is into this kind of stuff too.
Howard said Richard has so much beer that he got a storage unit for his beer. Richard said that's true. Howard asked if the store is a storage unit for beer. Richard said that it's special beer. Robin said they have decided that they treat beer like wine. Robin said they think they can bring out certain tastes. Richard said the storage unit is for beer and holiday decorations. It costs him like $100 a month. Ralph said that's a lot of money. Gary said he's spending $1200 a year for $400 in beer. Richard said it's good beer though.
Robin asked if Howard knows how old Ralph is. Howard said he's 50. Howard said Ralph came over and brought this thing from the Strain that came out when the show started. Howard said it's the Lumen book. He said that Ralph brought it and showed it off. Howard said he was trying to bond with Ralph over it. He said they have that blue light to show the worms in you. He said Ralph has that too. Howard said it was unbelievable. Howard said Ralph is 50 and he treats that stuff like it's the best.
Howard said that he has clips of these guys who do this thing called unboxing. Howard said when cool stuff used to come out people would show you unboxing it. Howard said you just see their hands taking it out of the box. Howard said it's a big thing with the geeks. Ralph said he does it on Periscope once in awhile.
Howard said this guy is unboxing new Star Wars toys. Howard said he's unboxing the new Kylo Ren figure. Howard said the guy isn't a young guy either. Howard played the audio and the guy was describing the figure as he took it out. Howard said this is what Ralph does all day. He said he has every toy. Ralph said he doesn't do it that much. He said he only buys the really expensive ones. Howard said Ralph told him about making some money on some. Ralph said he sold a Tony Stark one. He said they shoot up in value as soon as they come out. Howard laughed. Howard said Ralph is making a living doing this. Ralph said he wouldn't say that.
Howard said that you have to be a real asshole to do this. He played more of the guy unboxing the toy. Howard said it's a fucking toy.
Howard played another clip of some people being interviewed on the day the new Star Wars toys came out. This one person said that she has 2 homes filled with toys. Ralph said he wasn't going to go out that day but when he heard about the robot (BB 8) toy he had to go out and get it. He said he was able to buy it for $150 and sold it for $300 within days.
Richard said he went to a special screening of the new Star Wars movie when they had the new Darth Vader mask and he heard a guy let out a moan. He said he couldn't stop laughing.
Howard said he should pay Ralph in toys. He said Beth has some young nieces and nephews that he could give some of his crap to and he ends up giving it to Ralph instead. Howard said he's child like too but not like Ralph. Ralph said Howard gets some really good stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Richard about some pumpkin ale that he has tried. Richard said he's had that. The caller said that stuff is 8 percent alcohol. Richard said he drinks that during Royals games. Howard said Richard drinks so much pumpkin that he's looking orange. Howard said he's not kidding. Richard said he did just get back from Florida. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said sitting to his right are four people. He said Robin auctioned off the chance to sit in for a charity. Howard said it feels like a huge audience. Howard said Robin goes to four people Robin said it was two separate winners. Robin said she didn't know they were all going to be in there.
Howard said hello to the four people who were in. He said they have Mark and Lisa and the other couple is Charlie and Laurie. Howard found out that one couple was from Dallas. He spent a little time talking to them. Howard said he has never lived there but he's been to so many other cities.
Howard's phone went off while he was talking to the couples. Howard said he doesn't know why he'd have an alarm set. Fred said he set it yesterday when he was playing with Siri.
Howard said that it used to be torture for him when he was living in these cities. He said he'd spend all of this time by himself and just work. He said it was all about work.
The people who came in said they went to see Saturday Night Live and they paid $1250 per ticket to get in. Howard said it cost them 5 grand to go see Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if they're rich or something. They said no but Howard figured they had to be if they can afford that. Howard said they have to be millionaires. One guy said they build apartment buildings. Howard said they must be millionaires. The guy said he is.
Gary said people were up in arms for selling tickets to see the pope but no one is upset about this. Howard said that he's not sure why anyone would be upset. He said the tickets are free and if someone wants to wait in line and then try to sell the he doesn't see anything wrong with it.
Howard said he has in his hands Leslie West's new CD. Robin said she was wondering what he was up to. Howard said it's called ''A Stern Warning.'' Howard said he loves Leslie's guitar playing. Howard said he put out this song which is dedicated to him apparently. Howard said he never thought that Leslie West would be mentioning him in a song. Howard tried to play the song and said he thinks it's an old song. Howard said he thinks it was on an old Mountain album. Howard said he wasn't able to get it to work. Gary tried too and it wasn't working.
Howard took a call from a guy who was on another call. Howard told him to take his time. The caller said he wanted to talk about gun control. He said that he never had guns but he supports the right for people to own them. He said he's bisexual too and he supports both sides. Howard had to hang up on him because he was annoying. Howard said he doesn't thin there is such thing as bisexual. Robin said there is. She said they may prefer one or the other but they can have sex with either one. Howard said he thinks they're gay. Howard said that's just how he feels.
Howard said he is a gun owner. He said that the Dallas couple must own guns too. One guy said he doesn't but the other said he has guns. Howard said we can enforce checks on people who want to be gun owners. Howard said this kid who just shot up everyone in Oregon was a kook and his mother had a lot of guns that she bonded with him on. Howard said we have to stop bonding with troubled kids over guns. Howard said the kid had Aspergers and you have to leave the guns at home. Howard said that you know when your kid is fucked up. He said you have to just admit it. Howard said that they moved to Oregon because the gun laws were too strict in California. Howard said that's why the family moved up there. Howard said when you see a disturbed kid teach him how to tap dance.
Howard said he's into guns and he likes having guns but he's all for a waiting period. Robin said if the mom has the guns then he can get them. Howard said it's a first step. He said kids are getting shot up. Robin said everyone is getting shot up. Howard said that college sounded like a really shitty one and then the kids get shot. Howard said he's never heard of Umpqua. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a pilot who died on a flight from Phoenix to Boston. Robin said the co-pilot was able to land the plane. Robin said the pilot suddenly died. Howard said that he used to be flown around in a helicopter and there would be just one pilot. Howard said he'd ask about what happens if the guy dies. Howard said that they'd tell him they had to pay extra for that. Howard said that he was willing to pay. Howard said you have to be careful. Robin said people are always playing the odds. Robin had audio of the co-pilot talking about their on board emergency. Robin said NBC news reported that he died of a heart attack during the flight. Robin said there was audio of a passenger talking about how the plane descended very rapidly. Robin said the wife of the pilot said she knows she'll see him again. Robin had audio of her talking about that. Howard said he doesn't think that's going to happen. Howard said he can't imagine that everyone is there. Howard wondered if Bianca his dog will be there. Howard said Beth spoke to a psychic and the psychic told her that Bianca will be there. Howard asked how everyone can be there. He wondered how it all works. He said it all seems so complicated.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to talk about Billy Corgan. He said since that interview he can't listen to his music. He said he thought he was a douche in that interview. He said he can't stand the guy since that interview. He said it happened with Jewel too. He said he loves her voice and music but he can't listen to her anymore. Robin asked what she said that upset him. The guy's phone cut out so Howard said people should sound like they're in the room with them. Howard said that it sounds okay at first and then it disintegrates.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a social worker and she has to talk about Asperger's Syndrome. She said that Howard is making it sound like people with Aspergers are more violent. Howard said he never said that. He said he's talking about this one kid. Howard said he was problematic with his neighbors. Howard said you can tell when a kid is a little bit off. Howard said he gets that people are alright with Aspergers. Howard said he's not a social worker. Howard said he's there to entertain people. Howard said he never said that they were diseased. Howard yelled at her and said he hates her. Howard said he never said what she said he was saying.
Howard said he assumes when he's doing a 5 hour show that you kind of catch on to what he's saying. Howard said if you see a kid who is disturbed, and it doesn't matter what's wrong with him, and the kid is into guns, stop him from using guns. Robin said Howard never said what that woman said he said. Howard said that's right. He said he knows nothing about mental retardation but he knows when someone is ''off.'' Howard said he doesn't have time to be corrected. Howard said that woman kept telling him to watch what he says. Howard said he doesn't have time for that.
Howard said he has another rule too. He said for the lady listening... most social workers are idiots. He said most not all. Howard said some of them shouldn't be around people. Howard said having said that he knows many who are great. Howard said that may not be politically correct. Howard said many of the degrees they hand out shouldn't be handed out.
Robin read about how Gary Busey didn't last on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he doesn't think that show is doing well. Howard said his parents aren't watching this season. Howard did his impression of his mother talking to him about he show. Howard said they don't like the show and they don't know the people on the show. Howard said Gary Busey was the one thing worth watching on that show.
Robin read a story about General Mills recalling Cheerios because the boxes say it's gluten free. Robin said that they accidentally used the wrong flour in the cereal. Howard said if he meets one more lunatic who says they're allergic to gluten... Howard said this stuff has been around forever. Howard went through the history of diets and what not to eat. He said they go back and forth on carbs and now it's gluten. Howard said it's bread and potatoes. Howard said people think they're allergic to it. Howard said they're full of shit. Howard said he even hates the word Gluten. He said eat all the gluten you want. He said you'll be fine. Howard said stop saying you're allergenic. Howard said people go and have their hair tested for the allergy. Howard said you meet someone with a stuffy nose and all of a sudden they're allergic to gluten. Howard said he's allergic to bullshit and this is bullshit. Gary said that he eats Cheerios and he as paranoid about the recall. He said there's nothing wrong with the Cheerios. Howard said he doesn't even know what gluten is. Gary said that they know people who say they're allergic to stuff and they eat it and they're fine.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said this is the greatest show ever. She said today is the anniversary of when Howard announced he was leaving terrestrial radio. Mariann said that Howard doesn't have much longer on his contract and she's not sure what she's going to do. Howard hung up and said he can't take her anymore. Howard said that they have like 25 more shows left. Howard said that's it and then they say their goodbyes unless they come to some agreement. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a county commissioner in Tennessee who thinks the country is going to be destroyed over gay marriage so she's asking for a resolution to save her county from God's wrath. Howard said it's incredible that anyone spends any time thinking about that stuff. Howard said don't worry about it. Robin said this woman's resolution is due to be voted on this evening. Howard said he was listening to this Pastor Manning guy and he had some gay people outside his church and he goes out and yells at them. Howard said it's amazing the passion people have against gay people. Howard played the clip of Pastor Manning yelling at the people who were telling him to ''stop the hate now.'' Manning said that they're the haters, not him. He said they're demon possessed. Howard said he has such passion. Manning was talking about how they're sick for liking another man's butthole. He said they're all the devil. Howard played more of Manning talking about how they're all going to hell and they have to repent. Howard said he doesn't worry about what other people are up to. He said just live your life and let people live theirs. Robin said she's not sure why he has no compassion for these people he wants to repent. Robin said it's crazy.
Robin read about how the podium that the pope used is looking for a new home. Robin said they are trying to find a good home for it.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said that he has never had gluten in his life. Robin said he has pasta. Eric said they have gluten free pasta. Howard said Eric has no idea what gluten is. Eric said he's studying for his driver's license. Howard said he's never going to get it. Howard said he doesn't have money for a car. Howard asked why now. Eric said he's wanted to drive all his life. Howard asked why he's never done it before. Eric said he lives in New York so he didn't need it. Howard asked if he's taken the practice written test. Eric said he has. He said he bets if he came in he'd get half the questions right.
Gary came in and said he's heard that Eric is well over 400 pounds now. Howard said they should have in him to weigh him and take the test. Howard asked Eric how many sides a stop sign has. Eric said 4 but then he changed it to 3. Howard asked Eric about the stop light and what colors they are Eric said red, orange and green. He said yield means slow down. He knew what MPH meant. Howard said give him a license. Howard said Eric isn't going to pass this test. He didn't know how many sides there are on a stop sign.
Eric said he drove a car in Phoenix and it took him about 10 minutes to get out. Eric was getting more questions right when Howard asked him a few more. Gary asked what he weighs now. Eric said he's a little over 400. Gary said he was like 375 last time he was there. Howard asked what 10 and 2 refers to on the wheel. Eric knew. Robin said someone is coaching him. Gary said he doesn't want him on the road. Howard said he's on fire with this. He said maybe he's a great driver and he becomes a race car driver. Howard told him to come in and they'll give him a test. Eric said he'll come in after their vacation. Howard said that's impressive. Robin said it's shocking.
Robin read a story about how Jim Carrey's girlfriend may have been married to a man in Ireland. Robin said Jim Carrey says he didn't know about that. Howard said that chick was so hot. He said he's always shocked when hot people are unhappy. Robin said beauty doesn't mean you're happy. Howard said he should have been dead years ago based on how he looks. Howard said that chick was so hot though. Robin said she heard Jim went to the funeral in Ireland.
Howard said that Rihanna is hot. He said he saw a picture of her with her ass showing and she looks amazing. Howard said it appears that they oil her down when they photograph her. Howard said she must be something. Fred said she is just awesome. He said she defines awesome. Howard found the picture in the NY post. Howard said that she somehow has red hair. Howard said she has too many tattoos though. He showed the picture to the guys sitting in. Howard said that chick is something. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the flooding in South Carolina and what's going on down there. Robin said more than 2 feet of rain has fallen down there. Robin said some dams have been breached because of the water.
Howard said John Fogerty will be in tomorrow. Howard said he's going to play some acoustic for them. Robin said that's great that he's coming in. He played at the birthday bash but Howard didn't get to talk to him much.
Robin read about an appearance David Letterman is making at some event. Howard wondered what he's doing with that beard. Howard said he thought about calling Dave but he's got that beard and he thinks that he's saying ''don't bother me'' with that beard.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Howard is giving medical advice like Jenny McCarthey gives out medical advice. The caller said that you can have Celiac disease and it's very serious. Howard said how about this... most people are full of shit when they say they're allergenic to gluten. The caller said that's probably true. Howard said that less than 1 percent of people have Celiac disease. The caller said it is serious for some people. Howard said he's getting a headache from this. Howard said now everyone knows some people are allergic to gluten.
Robin got back to her story about Letterman's appearance. Howard spent more time talking about that crazy beard he has.
Robin said that some users of the new iPhone 6S are saying the home button gets too hot. Robin said that people are talking about it on Twitter and on forums. Robin said one user suggested that if you hold the home and lock button the phone will reset and the problem goes away.
Robin read a story about Microsoft having a special event in New York today and they will be announcing new phones and new tablets. Robin said they may have Xbox announcements and more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he sent in a video of himself yelling out that Benjy got Fingered by Perez Hilton behind an announcer. Howard said this guy is at a high school football game and a reporter is doing a news report when he yells out ''Benjy got fingered! Howard's penis!'' The reporter says that's not cool. The caller, Nick, said the kid got scared and walked away. Howard said it might be wrong to yell out penis in front of an 8 year old. Howard said maybe look around for someone young before doing that.
Robin read a story about some items that are coming up for auction soon. Robin said that they'll have some Beatles and Elvis stuff up for auction. Howard asked who needs that stuff in their house. He said it's just clutter. He said he thinks Sal is going to Graceland with the Long Island Medium's husband. Howard said Sal may end up with some of that stuff.
Robin read about how Donald Trump has been going after Marco Rubio a lot and she's snot sure why that is. Robin said Trump sent Marco some Trump water and said a guy who sweats like that must need some. Robin said he's having fun out there.
Robin said Miley Cyrus got some high praise from John Mayer. Robin said he's transfixed by her new album. Robin had Howard play some of Miley's song. Howard ended up playing Robin singing instead. Howard eventually played the Miley Cyrus song. Fred played clips of Robin making noises over the songs they were playing. Howard said John Mayer has banged so many chicks. Howard said he is downplaying it now but he has lived the life. Howard asked if he had Taylor Swift. Gary said absolutely. He said he's with Katy Perry right now. Howard said he's so masculine. Robin said he had Jennifer Aniston too. Robin said Jennifer Love Hewitt too. He may have had Rihanna. Howard asked if he had Minka Kelly. Gary said everyone is saying yes. Howard said he's just naming women now. Robin said she saw him on an airplane once and he was beautiful.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Letterman in San Antonio at a Steve Martin show. He said he came out with the beard there. He said he scared the crap out of him with that beard. He said he does need to lose that beard. The caller was going on and on about the show and Howard cut him off saying he was getting bored. Howard said Dave is unrecognizable with that beard. Howard said Hasidim are afraid of that beard.
Robin read about Sam Smith doing the latest James Bond theme song. Howard played some of the new theme song. Howard told Robin to help him out. Fred played some clips of Robin singing. Robin said there's a video that goes along with that song. Howard said it's a weird song. Robin said she's not all that choked up about it. Robin said Adele turned it down even though she did the last one. Howard said maybe it'll catch on. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said Jason isn't as happy as Gary is. Gary came in and said that he was emailing Michael all night. He said he went off on him all night and even this morning he got off another one.
Jon went over the way their league works and explained why Michael lost twice this week because he didn't finish in the top 5. Jon said that Howard was talking about how they spend all of their time in the league. Jon said he loves sports and loves gambling so it's a good way to get both. Jon said Howard doesn't see the significance in it. Gary said Howard doesn't see why they have the passion for that. He said Howard didn't understand the unboxing thing. He said he wonders if he would care if it was an unboxing of the brushes and paints he uses for painting. Jon said he doesn't think he would care. He just wants to use the brushes. Jon said someone's love is another's hate. Gary said that they were talking about stupid stuff a couple of years ago and Howard was into chess. He thought he was working his brain so that was a good excuse for doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Richard and going to the haunted houses. He asked if he ever tries to scare the other cast members. Jon said he did try to scare Howard once with a fake MRSA on his arm but that didn't work out so well. He said Richard rally loves going out to the haunted house thing. Jon asked Jason about that. Jason said he likes the weirdness of Richard. He said that he likes that he wears a diaper and all of that. He said he's one of his favorite parts of the show. He said the fantasy football stuff bothers him but the minutia of the show he likes. He said he just doesn't get the Michael Rapaport thing. He said it's weird.
Jason said he thinks Michael is a great actor and probably a great dad. He said he was awesome on Louie too but he also played the most annoying fuck you've ever met and that says a lot. Gary said whenever someone is really good at a part he believes they're not that far off of who they are.
The caller said you have to have a villain on the show. He said he loves it. Gary asked if JD finished last in the league and had to finished the punishment, would he be back next season. Jon said no way. He said he'd do the punishment but he would not return. Jason faked a snore. Jason asked if he can do a Wrap Up Show about the Wrap Up Show. Jon said they had to take a break before getting an answer.
Jon said that Michael Vick is on the Steelers now. He said he did his time. Jon said at a certain point you have to let it go or you just can't. Jason said that's an athlete that makes tons of money for someone. He said he knows Steve and he's a great guy. He said he's super talented and super nice. He said he feels horrible about all of this. He said he thinks we should all let it go. He said he didn't bomb the World Trade Center. He said he wouldn't be upset with Steve if he had lost someone on 9/11. Gary said that works for some people but not for everyone. Gary said he thought Steve was sincere and he almost broke down a couple of times. He said all you can do is own up to it. He said he's not sure what else he can do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like since Bobo came back Howard has kind of soured on him. He asked what they think in the office. Gary said for a guy who had a lot of time off he didn't come back with a bang. He said he's still Bobo. Jason asked when he was ever a big thing. He said he thought the whole thing about him is that he wasn't killer.
Jon said you know it pains Bobo to go through this. He said that he just wanted to come back and call the show. He said those days are gone now. Gary said he thought it was funny that Bobo was trying to deliver some jokes about the toupee and he just didn't get them out on time. Jason said Bobo is trying to be a star and he thinks we like him more as just a caller. Jon said just as Bobo too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is a mediocre caller. He said at worst he's a sinkhole. He asked if Bobo named himself. Gary said he did. The caller said that Bobo is just the guy who showed up at the hospital on the day Howard's daughter was born. Gary said that Bobo is the one who calls himself the number one extreme fan. He said that he also named himself. Jon said he earned the title of worst caller ever too. He said that Bobo is there to stay though. He said some people drive you crazy but that's what you want. He said you want a reaction from people.
Gary said he thinks Bobo was living the life when he was under the radar. Jason said he loves Bobo. He said he feels like he must be the only person. He said he knows Howard can make a great bit out of it every time. He said he's not sure why people don't see that. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary said his wife started bringing home Tilapia and they say that they're genetically modifying them. He said he doesn't care as long as he likes it. Gary said they say there's something wrong with every food. Gary said someone will tell you what's wrong with a food you eat no matter what it is. Jon asked Gary if they said that Cheerios caused prostate cancer would he stop eating it. Gary said he wouldn't. He said he doesn't need his prostate that much. He said he used to eat 3-5 bowls of Cheerios in the morning. He said he's down to 2 now. Gary said that's on the days he's not working. Gary said he likes the regular ones too, not the Honey Nut.
Jon asked Gary if it would be like quitting smoking if he had to stop. Gary said he has to have at least one open and one box on deck of Cheerios. He said that he gets the big boxes at Costco. He said he really does love them. Jason said there are so many others out there. Gary said he hates all of the other stuff. He said he loves Cheerios and that's it. Jon asked about corn flakes or something like that. Gary said if he goes to a hotel he'll have Frosted Flakes but that's under protest. He said he'd probably have Corn Flakes too but he prefers Frosted Flakes. Jon asked Gary if he had to pick chocolate or Cheerios, which would he pick. Gary said chocolate.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she can't believe Gary has been with the show for so long. She said she wants to weigh in on the gluten thing. She said that all corn there in the U.S. is made by Monsanto. Jon cut her off and asked if she thinks gluten allergies are true. She said they are. She said the wheat we eat now isn't the same as it was years ago. She was going on and on and Jason made snoring sounds.
Gary said he had a bowl that he has been eating Cheerios out of since he was a kid. He said his wife told him to throw it away. He said it ended up breaking about 6 months ago. He said it was a plastic bowl. He said he had it from the age of 3. Gary said he misses the bowl. Jon asked Gary how he picked a bowl. Gary said it wasn't the only one he ever used but he only used it for Cheerios. He said Mary was so happy when it broke.
Gary said that he had it at the office for a long time. Jon said he remembers that bowl. Gary said he moved out of the house and brought that bowl with him. Jon asked what Howard would think about that. Gary said he'd think he's out of his fucking mind. Gary said he thinks that himself.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and gave Jason some plugs before ending the show. They were done around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about how John Fogerty is coming in today. He said he's the most awesome John Fogerty. He said he's going to do some Creedence Clearwater Revival. Howard talked up one of their songs as a top 40 DJ. Howard said he's excited because John has a legendary catalog of songs. Howard said John wrote the words and music for so many songs. Howard said even when he did cover songs they were hits. Howard said the guy had so many hits. He said he's coming in to play solo. Howard said it's remarkable to spend time with him.
Howard played John's cover of Suzy Q. Howard did more of his DJ voice and played John's cover of I Put a Spell On You. Howard said he's all hyped up because he just finished his coffee. Howard said that he also did Proud Mary. Howard played some of that. Howard was going through songs like crazy. He played a couple of seconds of a bunch of songs.
Howard said he's very anxious to talk to John. Howard said he's a huge fan. Howard said Meg Griffin is a huge fan too. Robin said she's shocked. Fred said he's too successful for Meg to like. Howard said she does though. Howard said it's a mystery for everyone. Howard said Meg will be home listening. Gary said that she's going to be on the Wrap Up Show today to talk about that. Howard said that's a rare thing. Howard said they'll talk to John later on this morning.
Howard said when he and Meg worked together at WRNW they were both young women. He said she was very important to the radio station. Howard said she complained that his music tastes were too commercial. Howard said excuse him for enjoying music that sells. Howard said they made him the afternoon guy because of that. Howard said Meg and her husband would play songs you'd never heard of. Howard said he was convinced they went out on the street and recorded people playing to put on the station. Howard said he would play The Beatles or the Stones and Meg got on and played shit that he defies you to know.
Howard said he didn't know all he had to do was play John Fogerty. Howard said he'd tune into Meg and hear her playing Yoko or something. Howard said even Yoko is too commercial for her. Howard said she was the one he heard play The Ramones for the first time. He said she was into them too. Howard said she played Patti Smith too.
Howard said when he went to Hartford he experienced real ratings there. He said he liked that. Howard said some people don't like that. Howard said when they come out you end up shitting bricks. Howard said his living depended on those ratings. Howard said he was making a living of $250 a week. Howard said if you failed then you'd lose your job. Howard said he remembers several times getting phone calls saying they had a ratings book to fill out. Howard said it was Arbitron at the time. Howard said it would have been easy to say that he'd like help. Howard said he was instructed that if anyone contacts you then you hang up the phone. Howard said that could turn that person against you. Howard said this person holds his future in his hands. Howard said that one person counted for thousands of people. Howard said if he was rude to the guy he could turn on him. Howard said it was almost like running for office. Howard said he'd get a letter or a phone call from someone asking to do that. Howard said he would thank the person but hang up without saying anything about giving him ratings. Howard said he could have been delisted. Howard said that means that his ratings wouldn't have been counted at all. Howard said every radio station he worked for didn't even pay for the ratings. He said the stole them from someone else. Howard said that even made him paranoid.
Howard said Bubba had a press conference and he was accused of being in collusion with a listener. Howard said that Bubba didn't set this system up though. He said he thinks that this was a People Meter thing and Bubba came out and admitted he had contact with someone with a people meter. Howard said he isn't sure what Bubba admitted to. Howard said he's not sure what the end game was. Howard asked if anyone knows. The caller said that it apparently didn't affect the ratings. Howard said Bubba's station was delisted but he sees that the station is sticking with him. Howard said he didn't think they were going to. Howard said they built the station around Bubba and they're sticking with him. Howard said that's very rare. Howard said he wants to see Bubba do well. Howard said he doesn't know what went down. Howard said Bubba has survived the situation. Howard said any guy who shocks the puss on his show doesn't really need to worry. Howard asked how you lose when you shock the puss.
Howard said Bubba had a shit fan that they sprayed people with. Howard said they're going to make Bubba do that and yell shame while ringing a bell. Howard said he was getting calls 3 weeks ago about this and people were saying he was going to be fired. Howard said he thought that was awful. He said he likes Bubba a lot. Howard said he thinks he dodged a bullet.
Robin said apparently they got in touch with this person with the People Meter and pulled his out of the ratings so they didn't count. Howard said it's up to the PPM people to make sure people are honest. Howard said Bubba isn't getting fired from what he read.
The caller asked if Howard has ever been incentiveised by the smaller stations. Howard said absolutely not. Howard said in Hartford he was making $250 a week and that was it. Howard said he went to get an apartment and had to lie about how much he was making. Howard said they had to say he was making $300 a week. Howard said he was in Hartford for like a year and a half and he was miserable. Howard said he was poor and he lived next door to this couple that hated him. He said they were white trash low lives. Howard said they were on drugs and they hung signs on his door. He said they'd bang on his door and claim they had freedom of speech to yell at him. Howard said that he had an intense schedule and he wasn't able to get sleep. Howard said they were fucking with him. Howard said the toilet would even overflow and they'd have like a foot of water in his living room. Howard said he couldn't afford to get out of there.
Howard said he got on his knees and started to pray one day in the studio. He said he got a call the next day and it was this guy Dwight who said he wanted to hire him in Ohio. Howard said he asked for a raise from WCCC and he asked for $25 more a week. Howard said he was in the paper every week and they weren't giving him more than that. Howard said he had to get on his knees and cry to god to get a raise. Robin said that there must be a god. Howard said it was Dwight Douglas that called him, not god. Howard said he looked up this market in Ohio and it was a number 1 station. Howard said he wanted to go to a number 25 station. Howard said he wants to build his career on shit radio stations. Howard said the guy changed his mind and he stayed there. Howard said he ended up getting a job in Detroit instead of Ohio.
Howard said they offered him $25,000 a year in Detroit. Howard said that was more than double what he was making. Howard said he called his dad and he told him to ask for 30. Howard said he asked for 30 and they gave it to him. Howard said he didn't have to bend over and take it for that. Howard said Detroit was a disaster but he did get more money. The caller asked what it would take for Howard to go there today. Howard said $17 billion. Howard said the station was bad. He said they had nothing going on. Howard said Disney owned it. Howard said it was Roy Disney who owned it. Howard said it wasn't even Walt. Howard said he walked into Wally's office one day and he said he was getting out of there. Howard said he went to St. Louis. Howard said he asked for $50,000 before Wally left and he gave it to him. Howard said he got a 20,000 raise.
The caller asked if Howard did a whole show as Hopalong Howie. Howard said he did 2 weeks as Hopalong Howie. Howard said the music was shit and he was making fun of it. Howard said it was horrible.
Howard said he got out of there and went to Washington DC where he met Robin. Howard said he'd call Fred and tell him he was going to get him out of there. Howard said Fred was still at WCCC making $150 a week. Howard said working at McDonald's you could make more money.
The caller said he knows guys making $9 an hour up in New Hampshire. Howard said Meg would admit that he was the worst announcer ever in the history of radio. Howard said he had nothing. Howard said Meg was the music director and she was so good at her craft. Howard said she was making $4 an hour and she got grabbed right up. Howard said he thanked god for the $4 an hour. Howard said sometimes their check would even bounce. Howard said imagine that. He said that his rent was $100 a month at a monastery he was living in. He said he had to take a vow of silence there. Howard said he was living there and not making any money. He said his dad said it was like being in graduate school and making money at it. Howard said Meg was so good though. Howard said when the ratings services gave ratings books sometimes people would try to be nice and give you ratings. Howard said you have to take a hands off attitude though.
The caller asked if he stays in touch with Bubba. Howard said they reach out to each other about once a month. Howard said he hasn't been in touch about this situation though. Robin said she's not sure when the right time to reach out is. Howard said if he has something going on he doesn't want to be contacted. Howard said he's not like other people though. Howard said he wants to forget what's going on. Howard said some people like being contacted. Howard said he doesn't think Bubba wants to type out a response to him. Howard said he didn't want him to deal with the aggravation. Howard said he does reach out to him regularly. Robin said he could say that he could get back to him when he feels ready. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he's not human. Howard said his kids sometimes wonder why he doesn't do certain things and he really doesn't know how to act.
Howard said he doesn't know what to tell Bubba. Howard said he'd tell him that he'd hang up the phone on people immediately. Howard said he hasn't talked to Bubba about the Hulk Hogan stuff. He said Bubba has reached out to say he's doing okay but that's about it. Howard said he thinks he has Ned to comfort him. Howard said that's his guy.
Howard said if Bubba reached out to him and asked for his advice he'd be the first one to give it to him. Howard said he has no problem doing that if they want help. Howard said he's happy to help but they have to ask him. Howard said he doesn't want to bother anyone. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered. Howard said he appreciates it when people don't reach out to him.
Howard said Jay goes on to say Jimmy is a mean guy because he comes from radio and radio guys are mean. Howard read some of this article where Jay talks about the radio thing. Howard said Jay is really rewriting history. Howard said Jay says it's a radio vs. stand up comics thing. Howard said stand up comics hate Jay. Howard said Conan hates Jay. Howard said that there are plenty of comics who hate Jay. Howard said Jimmy hates Jay because of Letterman and Conan. He said Jay is putting his enormous chin where it doesn't belong.
Howard said this rewriting of history is a lot of bullshit. Howard said Jay is a scumbag and he knows it. Howard said Jay knows why he doesn't talk to him. He said he told Jay to his face why he won't talk to him. Howard said he told Jay what he thought of him right to his face. Howard said he's not afraid of Jay. Howard said Jay likes cars because cars can't tell him he sucks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard is over 60. He said he's 38. He asked if life gets any easier and if he'll always hate people. Howard said life never gets easy. He said the best way to live your life is wake up and think things are going to go wrong that day. Howard said these phonies will tell you that things will be perfect. Howard said it's not easy. Howard said he does Transcendental Meditation to help him get through things. Howard said it helps him relax. Robin said life is supposed to be easy by definition. Howard said it's not easy though. He said sometimes a day will suck. He said it makes you appreciate it more when a day goes by easy. The caller said he loves Howard and he knows dumb things about him. He said he has been there for him and he appreciates it. Gary came in and said that John is there. Howard told him to get out because he's on the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Rosie O'Donnell's daughter talking about her mother in the press. Howard said he feels bad for Rosie. Howard said the daughter obviously has some problems. Howard said it appears Rosie has her hands full. Howard said it would be a lot healthier if it wasn't out in the public. Howard said he knows people who have big troubles with their kids. Howard said it's tough to get through that stuff. Howard said he thinks Rosie is plenty worried about this kid. Robin asked when you reach out. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said he wants to leave people alone when they have so much to deal with. Howard said he's not good with this stuff.
Howard said forgetting that for a second he wishes the papers would think about printing stuff like that before putting it out. Howard said it sounds like it's going to make things worse. Howard said the kid has beef and Rosie must be sitting there with agida. Howard said this is her kid and she's going to stick by her kid no matter what. Howard said he thinks that she's trying to not comment on this. Howard said this kid is having some difficulty. Howard said it's not a very healthy situation. Howard said it fuels the fire when this gets out in the paper. Howard said he knows a lot of people with kids and it can be a challenge.
The caller asked about Tom Bergeron missing Dancing with the Stars because his dad was sick. He asked if Howard would do that. Howard said of course he would. He said he'd go to his bed side and yell at him like his dad did to him when he was a kid. Howard said John Fogerty is there so they have to get to him. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he has John Fogerty there. Howard said he looks good. John had some trouble with his microphone so Howard let him fix that. Howard said he heard him warming up and that was great. He said that in a period of 18 months John wrote 3 hit albums. Howard said he must think he's a genius. John said he doesn't subscribe to that but he does work hard. Howard said they must have come to him so fast he had a hard time getting them down. John said it happens when it happens. He said they're few and far between.
Howard said there were things to write about back in the 60s. He said they had so much going on. Howard asked if he is happy about today's music. John said that he is. He said that young people will always find something to write about. He said Ed Sheeran writes good stuff. Howard said there are only a few people who are as prolific as John. Howard said Billy Joel has a big catalog like John. Howard said John has had a bunch of number 2s. He said that John has written his memoir. Howard said it's called ''Fortunate Son: My Life, My Music''. He said it's really dark. John said it has a happy ending and that's what counts. Howard said that he's had a lot of trials and tribulations in his life. Howard said it's almost necessary reading for anyone who wants to be something in the business. Robin said there are so many stories about people being ripped off. Howard said no one has been more ripped off than John. John said it can be dark and if you read the contract maybe you'll be okay.
Howard said John was born in California and his mom turned him onto the music. Howard said his parents divorced and his mom was a music lover. John said they both were. He said he saw his mom more than his dad. He had 4 brothers too. Howard asked how the hell his mother dealt with that. Howard said his dad wasn't around much. John said he's right about that. Howard said she had to go out and support herself. Howard asked if John viewed men as evil. John said he didn't know his dad very well. He said they split when he was about 8. He said it was a messy divorce. He said his dad wasn't a big success and he wasn't envious and hateful. He said that he was an alcoholic and so was his mom. John said ''So am I!'' John said it's a wonder that they didn't all end up in San Quentin. Howard said he found music and that may have saved him.
Howard asked John why he became obsessed with music. John said he was like 3 and a half and his mom brought him home from school and gave him a record. He said it was a little kid record. He listened to that and he liked it. John said he already liked music though. He said he'd bounce around to anything they'd let him hear. Howard said John learned that he could write his own songs when he heard Steven Foster songs. Howard said John didn't have money for instruments. Howard said he had to go out and make a living to buy his own guitar. John said they had an old acoustic guitar around the house. He said it was an old Stella. He said that you could barely make music with it. He said in the 5th grade he got a paper route. He said in 8th grade he wanted an electric guitar. He said he lusted for them for awhile. He said he didn't have much money. He got a Silvertone guitar and amp from Sears. He said it was $39.95 for the guitar and the same for the amp.
John said his mom took him to folk guitar lessons and his mom was doing it too. Howard asked if the teacher knew he was talented. John said he was the only kid in the group lesson. He said it was all adults. John said he sang Frankie and Johnny one day and he hit a note that was bluesy. He said everyone went ''Whoa!'' and he was doing that on purpose. Howard asked if he played every day. John said at one point he stayed home from school for a month to practice playing. Howard said that's the obsession you need to be a great. Howard said he worked at it harder than anyone else. John said that's what he felt.
Robin asked if anyone came by and checked on him. John said he did see his P.E. teacher drive by one day about 3 weeks into it.
John told Howard that he got his electric guitar and he learned to play Endless Sleep. Howard asked about his brothers because one of them was into music. John said that two of his brothers were really interested in it. Howard said John decided to get into music early on and he ended up getting drafted. John said that was in 1966. He got into an Army reserve unit. Howard said Vietnam was kicking in around that time. John said it was on everyone's mind. John got to stay in the states at the time.
Howard asked when he took the stage in a band. John said he was in the 9th grade probably. Howard asked if he was playing at the school show. John said he had a wonderful music teacher, Mrs. Stark, and that's where he met Doug and Stu. He said that they eventually formed a band called The Blue Velvets. Howard asked if his brother was the singer in the band. John said he hooked up with his brother in the band The Gollywogs. Howard said what's amazing is that he could have been a solo performer. Howard said he wrote his own songs. Howard said he didn't need a band. Howard asked if it was insecurity when he formed the band. John said it just seemed like the way to go to make rock and roll. He said he could have been a solo act but he wanted to be in a rock band.
Robin asked who his influences were. John said Elvis of course. He said the Crickets and Buddy Holly. He said there were a lot of instrumental groups.
Howard said John was watching a show called Anatomy of a Hit and they talk about some record label called Fantasy Records. Howard said John saw that and he was just a kid at the time. John said he went right there and knocked on their door. Howard said they surprisingly said okay to him. Howard asked how he got that record contract. John said he had some tapes with him and they were all instrumentals. He said they were a jazz label so he went there with the music only. Howard said John goes there and plays them the tapes and they gave him a contract. John said he was playing them the songs on reel to reel. He said that this guy takes him to Billboard magazine and shows him the Beatles with 5 songs in the top 5. He said that the guy asked him if he had any songs with words. John said he did but not with him.
Howard asked John if he kept a journal. John said he'd have to write down notes on whatever he could find. Howard said Gary said he saw one of his early journals and one of the first things he wrote down was ''Proud Mary.'' John said he has no idea where that came from or what it meant. It was the first thing he jotted down in the journal he bought in 1967. John said the first thing he wrote was ''Song titles'' but all of the pages were blank. John said after a few days he started keeping track. He said out of the blue Proud Mary came up. He said he didn't know what it meant though. Howard said then he files it away and he eventually writes the song.
Howard said Fantasy Records gives him a contract at 18 and that must have been nirvana for him. He said he meets with them and they throw a piece of paper at him and he signs it. He was just thinking about making a record at the time. He said he was only 18 too. John said a new guy bought Fantasy Records. His name was Saul. Howard said he must hate Saul. John said he's dead now so what's the difference. Howard said the record company is sold and the piece of paper he signed was useless. John said that Saul took credit for changing then name of the band. John said that Saul wanted to sign them to a contract under the name Gollywogs. He said they wanted to change it. He said the other Fantasy guys told them to use Gollywogs. Howard said Creedence Clearwater Revival is what they use. Howard said that came from the name of some guy. John said that they set about coming up with a name but that took months. John said they came up with it around Christmas eve. He said that they had to explain the name to everyone who asked about it.
Howard said Creedence Clearwater Revival had the right sound to John. John said he told the guys at the time that's what they are. He said the name was better than they were. Howard said now they're a new band so Saul Zance says that they're going to make a new deal. Saul got everything and the band got nothing.
John told Howard that they got the contract and asked some people if it was okay to sign. Stu's dad was a lawyer and they had him look it over. They were told it was okay to sign. He said that they were anxious to sign. Howard said that is the bane of their existence. Howard said that John wrote some of the best songs ever after signing that contract. Howard said that he didn't get paid for it. Saul Zance got the bulk of the dough. Howard said it has to have driven him nuts. John said it did. He said that no one knows what kind of money he got. He said they didn't report anything so they didn't get their gold records or anything. Howard asked if his estate was massive when he died. John said he didn't bother to look. Howard said it would have been nice if he had left him everything.
John said that back in the 70s his brothers would play with Saul's kids. He said that one of Saul's kids said that their dad really screwed them.
Howard said Creedence Clearwater Revival owed Fantasy records 180 songs over 7 years. Howard said it was the most awful contract in history. Howard said that his dad may not have even read that contract. John said the only person who read the contract was Stu. He said he's the only one who knows about what happened.
Howard said in 1968 the first song that put them on the map was Suzy Q. Howard said that was the big hit for them. That was a cover song. John said there was this place that was playing all kinds of music and they decided to record something and make it psychedelic. Howard said that song went to number 11 on the charts and that got them on the map. John said that was their breakthrough.
Howard asked if their lives changed. John said they did. He said that summer and fall they went out on a little tour. He said they were known a little bit. Howard asked if other musicians noticed them too. John said that a lot of people liked the guitar sound and they were kind of funky and cool. Howard said then they do their second album Bayou Country. Howard said that they wrote their own songs for that. John said he had that conversation with himself. He said they had that one hit wonder Suzy Q and they had to do something that would get them out there. Howard said that it was their hit but not their song. Howard said the real action starts when people hear their music. John said their big hit was from Bayou Country. John said that album was released on January 1, 1969. He said Proud Mary did pretty good. Howard said that it really did.
Howard went over some of the other songs that John and the band did. Howard said he was a perfectionist. John said they would record the 4 pieces of the band and that would stay on the record. He said to make a good single you need singing, a guitar solo and percussion.
Howard said ''Fortunate Son'' went right to number 1. John said that was a big one. Howard asked if the guys in the band appreciated what he was doing. John said there was something amuck there. He said had he been in a band with John Lennon he may have been smart enough to asks him what he wanted him to do. Howard said you'd think they wouldn't give him shit. Howard said for many years he didn't talk to his own brother. John said that his wife Julie was the first one to use the word Jealous. He said she told him that they were just jealous of him. He said that must have been it.
Howard said John is a genius. He said he could come out with a song in 20 minutes. Howard said he's the goose that laid the golden egg. Howard said you'd think that the guys would worship him. John said there's a weird thing that happens. He said they start being more concerned with the fact that he's doing it.
John said the guys in the band had a meeting with him and they said they wanted to write songs and sing them too. He said he thought that was career suicide. He said he put it off as long as he could. Howard asked if he said he knew what people wanted. John said that about 2 years before he said he'd try to keep busy and come up with songs. Howard asked if Saul is kissing his ass at all. John said that Saul didn't know much about rock and roll. He said he did have them under contract. He said that he understood they were unhappy about the publishing deal. He said they went to two annual picnics for the company. He said at one of those he said that he was going to give him back his publishing after 3 years. He said he thought that's what he meant. He said that what it really meant was that he'd give him publishing on new songs he wrote after 3 years.
Howard said John wrote a bunch of albums that came out in 1969. Howard said Fortunate Son was written when John saw a picture of Julie Nixon and John Eisenhower. Howard said he wrote it based on that photo when he saw that he didn't have to go to Vietnam. John said it did piss him off because he had to go into the military and this guy didn't. Howard asked if the music came to him first. John said it did. Howard asked if that's one of the greatest songs he's written. John said it's up there. Howard asked him to perform it for them. John got his Gibson guitar ready and played the song a short time later.
After the song Howard asked if he still sings that song in the same key he wrote it in. John said he's very lucky because he can do that. Howard said when he recorded that song he sang it. John said he went in and added a lot of extra stuff like cowbell and congas. He said he sang the lead on that and some other songs. He said he mixed the two songs. Howard said no one does that today. Howard said maybe it was the magic of those songs because he had to knock them out so fast. John said he likes to think that he was the producer of the songs. He said he did think them out.
Howard asked if you can kill a song by putting in too many cowbells and stuff. John said sure you can. He said he knew what he wanted though.
Howard said John wrote Proud Mary by picking up his guitar and the song just pours out of him. He was discharged from the Army at the time. John said he lived in a little apartment with his wife and infant child. John said there was an envelope on the stairs at the apartment and he stepped over it a few days in a row. He said it was his honorable discharge that he was trying to get. He said he didn't know what it might say. He said that it looked like a high school diploma. Howard asked if he was a good student or a fuck up. John said he went on a 2 week summer tour and the sergeant found his name and loved saying ''Fogerty.'' He said when he was on his 6 month active duty he wanted everything to be correct the way the Army wanted it. He said he made sure that everything was organized. He said the barracks sergeant noticed what he was doing. He said he put him in charge of the whole row. He said he did it and it was good for them. John said he had to be organized. He said in high school he wasn't that guy. He said they ended up calling him Ma Fogerty because of that.
Howard said he wrote Proud Mary because he was happy to be out of the Army and he was celebrating. Howard said this is one of the most covered songs ever. Howard played some of ''Proud Mary.'' He asked when he heard Ike and Tina covering the song. John said he was in his car and he loved hearing it. Howard asked if they asked his permission. John said they didn't but he loved the song. He said they got a Grammy for that. Howard said the Grammys lose credibility because they never give a Grammy to the great writers. John said he got one in 1997 and he said that sooner or later you become old enough to get a Grammy. Howard said that's not why he got in the business though so it didn't matter to him.
Howard asked John about how mind blowing it was hearing Tina Turner singing his song. John said it was wild. He said he was pulling for them. Howard asked if they thanked him for writing the song. John said they actually got in touch with them and they went on tour with them. Howard said that friendship formed and it's a bond that will never go away.
Howard played ''Born on the Bayou'' and asked if John recognizes that. John said of course. Howard asked where that guitar sound came from. John said he doesn't even know. Howard said that they performed that song in every show they did. Howard said that they performed at Woodstock but he felt that the song wasn't that good so they didn't allow it in the Woodstock movie. John said it wasn't terrible but it wasn't a superior song. He said by the time the movie came out the band was broken up so it didn't matter anyway.
John said they performed at Woodstock in the middle of the night so they were really just warming the crowd up for Janis Joplin.
Howard played some ''Bad Moon Rising'' for John and talked to him about that. John said the song sounds happy but it's really not. Howard played ''Lodi'' and talked to John about that too. He played some of ''Green River'' and asked John where he was when he wrote that. John said it was between his car and his living room. Howard asked if he's religious. John said he's spiritual. Howard asked if he thinks that some of this was put in his head by some higher power. John said he did feel that he was led through a process with a song like Proud Mary. He said that it was the first thing he wrote in his notebook and it was a big song.
Howard played some ''Traveling Band'' and asked if it hurts him to hear the songs. John said it used to. He said he'd change the channel if he heard them. Howard said that it must be from the deal he had with Saul. John said that was never resolved. He said he'd hear how well this song was doing and it kind of ticked him off. Howard said he talks to song writers and they talk about songs like they're children. Howard played ''Who Will Stop the Rain'' and said this is another big one. John said he wrote this after doing Woodstock.
Howard asked when he recorded ''Heard it Through the Grape Vine'' why did he make it 11 minutes long. John said he got the idea hearing Marvin Gaye's version. John said he could only hear Marvin's great voice singing it when he heard it played on a bad speaker once. He said that the record had so much stuff on it and he had never heard it before. John stripped the song down and did it his own way. John said he turned the song into a great jam song. Howard asked if he made that decision on that song himself. John said that's probably why the band broke up. He said he made it a jam and it worked the way he wanted it to.
Howard asked if his brother was frustrated that he wasn't the singer. John said he did let him know later on that he wanted to be the singer. He said early on his brother told the band they had to listen to John. He said he did stick up for him.
Howard said that ''Have You Ever Seen the Rain'' was about the band breaking up. John said he saw it coming. He said that he had spent a lot of time slaving over the band. Howard asked if the song came to him easily. John said the metaphor did. He said it was what the band was. They were achieving their dreams but they were miserable. Howard asked if he told the band what the song was about. John said he didn't. He said they didn't pick up on it either. He said when he wrote his book his collaborator did research and the guys in the band weren't aware of what it was about. Howard asked John to perform ''Have You Ever Seen the Rain.'' John told Howard about what he thinks about when he sings the song. He said he thinks about his daughter Kelsey. He said she's a rainbow in his life. He said she's inspired a few songs out of him. John said it makes it more fun for him. John went into the song after that.
After the song Howard said that's one that he could have written alone and it would be amazing. Howard asked John about how that song came about. Howard said it's amazing how those songs came pouring out of him in 1969.
Howard gave John some plugs for his book signing that's coming up tomorrow. Howard said you can find out more at JohnFogerty.com
Robin asked how he made money if he had that bad contract. John said that they made money touring. He got royalties too. John said that he went to see Elvis and Colonel Tom Parker would sell autographed photos of Elvis to the fans for a dollar a piece. He said that they didn't do things like that.
Howard said that Creedence Clearwater Revival had a reunion and played together at a wedding. John said that his brother Tom was getting married and they performed there. He said it was a little odd. He said that he'd say things like Saul was his best friend. Howard said that must have hurt. John said many years ago he met his wonderful wife Julie and he feels better about everything. He said he fell in love with Cinderella and she made him fall in love with her and it pushed all of the bitterness out of his heart. John said there was one time in the 70s when he wasn't able to turn the crap off. He said it was buzzing around in his head. He said he stayed awake for 3 days in a row. He said he started drinking and that was a horrible solution to that. He said that he sunk into depression and all of that.
Howard said John's brother died of AIDS at the age of 48. John said he's sure the family didn't want that revealed but his son started talking about it in the press. John said he doesn't like to talk about that. Howard asked if he ever figured it all out. John said he wanted to do it for their mom but it didn't happen. John said he wanted to make things right. He said Tom wasn't able to do that. He said that he sort of denied it all. Howard said he never had that moment with his brother. John said he didn't but he has forgiven him. Howard asked if he's in touch with the other guys. John said only when they sue him. He said they're doing that right now. Howard asked if it's over the Creedence Clearwater Revival name. John said they had an agreement about that and they haven't fulfilled that. He said that the latest one came about because he says the word Creedence about his tour. He said he calls it Peace Love and Creedence. He said he was part of the band and he's not calling himself that name. He said they have no agreement about that. John said they are supposed to share in the work of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Howard said that you'd think that it's time to stop the suing after what he did for them early on. John said he's sure it looks silly to the fans. John said whenever he does them a favor he ends up getting poked in the eye.
Howard said that John was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and didn't perform with the band. John said they had an agreement that if anything went on with their music they had to have a unanimous agreement in the band. He said that they wouldn't let any of their songs get stuck in any collaboration thing. He said that he was trying to work things out. He said he heard this thing that Shell oil was doing and he heard one of their songs playing. He said that they found out that the guys have sold their vote to Saul's aunt. He said he went ''What?'' and it turns out they did that without informing him. John said after that Stu wanted to meet with him. He said Stu met with him and apologized to him for harming him. He said he told Stu to fix them and then he'll think about forgiving him. He said he asked Stu how he could sell his vote to Saul. He said Stu told him he didn't care about the songs, he just wanted the money. John said that's what made him say that he'd never perform with them again. Howard said there are too many bad moons arising.
Howard said John has had some life. He said he's glad he wrote his memoir. He said now he has perspective on all of this stuff. John said that he met Julie and fell in love. He said that's why he did it. John said he saw Julie and she walks toward him and asks to shake his hand ''Mr. Fogerty.'' He laughed. He said he was smitten immediately. He said she rocked his world and still does. Howard asked if the sex is still good. John told him to behave. Howard asked if there is any Viagra involved. John said of course not. He said he's not going there. Howard said John doesn't like foul language. John said Howard has been pretty good about it today. Howard said that he's a big fan of John's. He said he really appreciates him coming in. Howard said he has done so much in his life and he got screwed. John said he did it all and he got to meet Julie. He said maybe he needed to go through all of that to meet her.
Howard said Bill Clinton asked Creedence Clearwater Revival to reunite for his inauguration but he refused. John said he's just not going to do it. He said he gets the question asked a lot. He said he could have done it with other people but the way the records sound is history. He said that they were in the band too so their personalities were part of the songs. Howard said John is sensational. John laughed. Howard said he's a treasure. John said so is Howard. Howard said he's not, he's just a big dummy.
Robin said it was amazing when John came on the birthday show. John said Howard is an icon. Howard said John is the icon. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up. Howard wondered if that Saul guy thought about screwing them over when he was on his death bed. John said there's no way of knowing. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played a Creedence Clearwater Revival song and a Beetlejuice commercial parody as they went to break.
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Howard said he has a bunch of new phony phone calls to play. He said they're so busy that he doesn't have time to play it all. Howard said they have a whole catalog of phony phone calls. Howard said that he has a Jack and Rod Show bit where they get fired on the air. Howard said he has another call where they use his voice as Pat Robertson to call into a religious show. Howard said maybe he should play that.
Howard said he was doing his Pat Robertson impression and saying horrible things in the name of religion. Howard played the call that Chris Wilding made using his voice. He called in saying that his father, Pastor Howard, had some things to say. The host of the show was responding to the crazy stuff Howard was saying about the Jews and things like that. They had Howard saying that snails are gay because they have both sex organs. He also said that chipmunks are gay squirrels. The host said he did not know that. He eventually said he had to move on and hung up. They went to break after that.
Howard said during the commercial he was talking to Gary about Memet. Howard said Memet went out and ate one of those Burger King black burgers and he took a shit that was green. Howard said that can't be good. Howard asked Memet to come in. Memet came in and said he did it for scientific purposes. He said he bought the burger and it looks disgusting. He said he only ate like half of it. Howard said it's troubling to eat when it looks odd. Howard said the bun is black. Memet said it tastes weird too. He said it felt like he was eating chemicals or something. He said he ate maybe 60 percent of it. He said he made doody this morning and it was green. He said he has photo evidence. Howard asked how green it was. Memet said it was alarmingly green.
Howard asked if Burger King knows about it. Memet said they must by now because it's going viral. Howard asked if it was bright green. Memet said he found a paint swatch that matched. He said it was Derbyshire Green. Howard said he doesn't know that color. Memet said he wishes they'd bring in the paper. Howard asked if anyone else ate it. Memet said Mike and Derek ate it too.
Howard got the paint swatch. Howard said that can't be right. Memet said that he thought people were going to see him looking at it. Howard said he'd say it's the color of a green leaf in the spring. Robin said she figured it was like that. Howard said it's like the color of Gary's teeth. Howard said he's guessing he shit it all out. Howard said the next shit might be more interesting. Howard let Memet go after that.
Howard said he did a movie of his own life and he didn't stay in character for that. Howard said he didn't know any better. Howard said he would be really weirded out by someone who is in character all the time. Robin said she remembers an exchange between Dustin Hoffman and Sir Lawrence Olivier and Dustin would run around to be out of breath for a scene and Olivier told him to try acting for a change.
Howard got Jeff the Drunk on the line. Howard said he found out that Jeff didn't even come up with that ''Chello'' line. It came from the TV show ''Good Times.'' Jeff said he changed it. He said there is a difference. Howard had Bobo on the line too. Bobo said Jeff blocked him. He said that he blocked him because he was doing some banter on his 'Scope. Jeff said he doesn't need Bobo. Bobo said he can't take the Bobo wrath.
Howard said the fame is going to Jeff's head. Howard said Bobo got off of 'Scope and then he called into Jeff's and now Jeff has blocked Bobo.
Shuli came in and said he has tape of these two. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Jeff about why he blocked Bobo. Jeff said that people told him to block Bobo. Shuli asked Jeff why he's more successful than Bobo. Jeff said he knows that he doesn't set any of his show up. He said he's 100 percent real. Howard said separately Bobo and Jeff are boring but together they're super boring. Robin said she's falling asleep over there.
Howard said he can get The Lump and Bobo's Toupee on the phone too. Jeff asked if Howard was on his Scope last week. Howard said he could never watch that Periscope because it's so boring. He said they have to edit it down. Howard said he'd never watch it. Jeff said that's bullshit. Jeff asked if Howard got his mug. Shuli said he's selling mugs now. Howard asked how much they cost. Jeff said they're $15.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Bobo about Jeff the Drunk. Bobo said that he had real conversations with his fans on 'Scope. He said Jeff just blocks everyone. Bobo said he brought people on the trails and on Alligator hunts. He said it's not about the wishlist either. He said Bobo doesn't have a wishlist. Howard said this is some feud. Howard said they should have an asshole summit where they work out their issues. Howard said they can do it in the fishbowl out there.
Howard had The Lump and Bobo's Toupee on the phone at the same time. It's the same guy doing both voices. Howard said hello to both of them. Howard spoke to both The Lump and Bobo's Toupee for a short time.
Howard let Bobo and Jeff go at it for a few seconds before playing a song parody about Jeff the Drunk. Shuli told Howard that Jeff's dead arm is looking very T-rex like lately. He can't cut his nails so they're like talons. Howard asked how often he gets them cut. Jeff said it's not that often. Howard said that's why he looks like he has talons. Shuli said it is. Howard said he should periscope that. The Lump said he should wipe his ass too. Howard asked Jeff why he doesn't show them getting his nails clipped. He also asked him to take him off speaker. Jeff said hold on. He picked up. Howard said he's such a fucking dick. Jeff said he's not going to get his nails clipped on Periscope. Howard said he heard he's working on a new bit where he coughs up blood. Howard said they want to see how he lives.
Shuli said Bobo is upset with Gary for something he said on Wrap Up Show. He said that Gary has bought into him being the worst caller ever. Jeff said that he should be upset with God.
Howard said he made a mistake picking up on them. He said he should have played the Gary Busey stuff. Bobo read a line about how he hopes a hawk swoops down and takes the Toupee away. Howard congratulated him on that great call.
Howard asked if she would recommend this to other women. She said she would. The caller said that she asked if that was good for him and he said ''that was a good start.'' Howard said that he's going to end up having her hanging off a meat hook. Howard asked if the guy's tongue has been in her ass. She said it has. Howard said it sounds like more excitement will be in her future. She said she's not sure where to go next. Howard played a clip of a woman giving a rusty trombone and said that's the noise you're supposed to make. Howard let the caller go and did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said that he says what's on his mind. Howard said he knows Roger and he's had him on the show. Howard said he didn't know his feelings about this. He said he would have asked him about it if he did know. Howard said he has seem Roger at parties and at a very devout Jewish man's party. Howard said that he has met Roger and had many nice conversations. Howard said then he started to read this stuff in the paper and responded to it. Howard said he has run into Roger twice since this started coming out. Howard said Roger was pissed that he was giving his opinion. Howard said he disagrees with Roger on this. Howard said Roger thinks he should shut up while he's teaching the world about Israel. Howard said it's not going to go down that way. He said he doesn't think Roger is that well informed. Howard said he's sure he'll run into him again and it's going to be uncomfortable. Howard said speaking your mind is uncomfortable.
Howard said he heard a rumor that the Jewish star is in The Wall. Benjy said he thinks he read that Roger says it was a mistake. Howard told the guys to look that up. Howard said if you want to yell at rock stars for going to another country then have your shit together. Fred read that back in 2013 there was an inflatable pig with the star of David in The Wall. Howard said he'd take a big shit on The Wall if he got an invitation like Robin did. Howard asked what the fuck that means. He asked what kind of bullshit that is. Howard said the only time you hear him going off about another country is when it's the Jews. Howard said he doesn't lecture about any of the other countries. Gary told Howard that the star isn't the only thing on that pig. He said there are many other things on it. He said there's a cross on it and so is Obama's name. Howard asked what that all means. Gary said it's hard to tell what it means.
Howard asked how this guy makes these statements and then gets upset with him when he disagrees. Howard said it's enough of this anyway. Howard said don't be afraid to speak your mind. Robin said Roger claims he has people on his side too and they're afraid to speak out. Howard said he doesn't see a cross on the pig. He said it looks like the ramblings of a maniac. Howard said he only sees one religious symbol on the pig. It's the Jewish star. Benjy showed him the cross. Howard said that's pretty obscured. Howard said he's not sure why Roger lives in America. He said he's a brit. Howard said we have a history of almost wiping out the indigenous people of this country. Howard said he's not sure how Roger lives with himself over that. Howard said if you're a supporter of the Jews in Israel then open your mouth. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
The caller asked if Howard thinks Taylor Swift or Katy Perry is hotter. Howard said they're both hot. Howard said you'd be lucky to fuck either one. Howard said he doesn't know if any of them are good in bed but they're both beautiful girls. Howard talked about that for a minute and played a song parody that their Seth Rogen impersonator did.
Howard said Gary the Conqueror wants to say he loves Creedence Clearwater Revival. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression. Sour did his Gary impression and then broke into a Creedence Clearwater Revival song. Howard asked if Baba Booey is there with him. Sour did his Baba Booey impression after doing his Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' impression. Sour did his Gary voice and then broke into another song as Gary the Conqueror.
Howard asked if Mad Dog is there. Sour broke into that impression next. Sour did that and mixed it with his Baba Booey. Sour was doing all of those impressions and playing songs too. Fred was playing Steve Langford clips too so that was all mixed in.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. They played her into it with a song parody about her. Robin started her news with a story about David Bowie's new song. Robin said it's a TV theme song in Great Britain. Robin said it's a crime show. She said he wrote the song after seeing a few episodes. Howard asked where he is. He doesn't show himself anymore. Howard said Jimmy Fallon told him that he emails with him and that made him jealous.
Robin read about how Jay Leno is out promoting his new TV Show. Robin said he returned to the Tonight Show last night and did a monologue. Robin had some audio of that performance. Howard said he hates Jay. Robin said his new show is called Jay's Garage. Howard didn't find the jokes funny. Jay and Jimmy did some jokes together. Howard wasn't laughing. Howard told Jimmy to watch out or Jay will fuck him up. Howard said Jay is such a phony fuck. He said fuck him and his new show. He said he really doesn't like Jay. Howard said he read the article about him and he's wrong about Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said Jimmy was already in with him and he'll always be in with him. He said Jimmy doesn't like Jay because he's underhanded. Howard asked who cares about any of this anyway. Howard said Jay was gone and now he's back. Howard played a Jay Leno car show bit that they played at the start of the show. Howard said Jay had him on his show because David Letterman did. Howard said Jay did whatever Dave did. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked Howard if his wedding day was Saturday and last week his fiancee was throwing things at cars as they passed and was found with prescription pain killers, what would he do. Howard said he'd ask to get married sooner. Robin said that's what ex-Ranger Sean Avery was doing. Robin said last weekend he was doing that and this weekend he's marrying a super model. Robin said they found Avery with pain killers and he was taken into custody. Robin said he was charged with criminal mischief after allegedly attacking motorists. Robin said this weekend he's supposed to get married.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he's having some day. She said she's listening and he sounds stressed. She told him to spend some time with the kittens to relax. Howard asked what she means by that. She said she just sounds stressed. Howard said she's aggravating him. He told her not to tell him what to do. He hung up on her.
Robin read a story about a hockey player who is denying having an affair after a woman claimed she was with him on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Howard played a clip of this woman talking about how she had cheated on an old boyfriend and she slept with a hockey player with the initials TJ and played on Tampa Bay. She said she had to go when the guy guessed his name was Tyler Johnson.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby and a woman who is suing him. Robin said this 24 year old says that Cosby spiked her drink at the Playboy mansion. She claims she woke up naked and felt like someone had been licking her body. She says that Cosby was masturbating and biting one of her toes when she woke up. Howard said it's bad enough that was done and then he's biting her toes.
Robin asked Howard where he stands on Polygamy. Howard said he's against it since he could never get it going. Howard said you know it's not going to work out because people are cuckoo. Robin read about how Utah wants to ban it. Robin read the details of the story and how a family is suing the state over it. Howard said you know you're messing with fire in something like that. Howard said people are so desperate and stupid sometimes.
Robin read a story about congressman John Dingle going to the hospital and saying that getting old sucks in a Tweet. Robin said that his wife has confirmed that he is ill.
Robin said the world is going to end today according to an online Christian organization. Howard asked what they do when they get it wrong. Robin said it totally ruins your credibility. Robin said they say that in the bible they say that God will destroy the earth with fire. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard has been making some interesting points about Israel. Howard cut him off and said he has to get off this topic. The caller said it's really heart breaking but it has to be discussed. Howard said he already did and just go with what he said.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if it sucks when someone like Jimmy Fallon sucks Jay Leno's balls. Howard said he has issues with Jay himself and he has a hard time letting go. Howard said he has let go of a lot of things. He said he really doesn't ''hate'' Jay. He said he's even let go of the Imus thing. Howard said that he thinks Imus was threatened by him and he as on guard. Howard said whatever, fuck it. He said with Jay he doesn't hate him but he was scummy to him. Howard said he's exhausted today. He said he's tired of the fight. Balls said that Fogerty was great today. Howard said he really is. Balls gave a shout out to his girlfriend. Howard asked people to please not give personal shout outs.
Howard took a call from Chad who said there's a web site saying that one of the guys from One Direction may replace him on America's Got Talent. Howard said that's good. Howard said he knows Simon Cowell is taking over the show. Howard said he knows he wants it very badly. Howard said NBC wants him and they're going to do it. Chad asked if Howard was pissed at him for writing to get him off the show. Howard said he was never pissed at him. Robin was though. Howard said he thinks he made that job look very appetizing. Howard said he got used to it. He said everyone wants what he has. Howard said he had a nice experience at America's Got Talent. He said if Simon wants it, he can have it. Howard said he left on his own accord. Howard said they'll use Simon. He said when Simon wants something he goes after it. Howard said there's some guy out there going ''Where's my wife!?'' Howard said that's his thing. Howard said he doesn't care who takes over America's Got Talent. Howard said they were very nice and gracious. He said they moved the entire show to New York for him. He said he gave them a good day's work and that's it.
Chad said Howard said to the hot dog guy in that America's Got Talent bit that he always eats New York hot dogs. Howard said that he never eats them. He said that he doesn't eat hot dogs at all. He said he was joking around with the guy. Howard let Chad go and said he's exhausted.
Howard said he has to go to get his physical. He said he has to give blood and he's already exhausted. Robin said she has to get her flu shot. Howard said he does too. He said he's not fighting that anymore. He said he's given up. Howard said when he did America's Got Talent he thought about how he was going to be gracious to whoever he was sitting next to. He said he could have been a smug asshole but he wasn't. He said he was a gentleman. He said that's why people love him. Howard said he never said he was better than them. He was thinking it but never said it. Howard said he's going to miss Nick's pussy parade over there the most. Howard said once he got divorced that was the show. He said that he'd watch that. He said just keep a camera on that guy. He said women love Nick. Howard said that guy is so busy with pussy it put him in the hospital. Robin said they should have a reality show about that. Howard said that's the real bachelor right there. He said all of the women looked like models. He said he's a good looking guy with money. He said he has 57 jobs and women go wild or him. Howard said at one point Nick had 5 phones. He got him down to 2. He said even his mother thought Nick was so handsome. Howard said he thinks she'd fuck Nick. He said he thinks she was on phone 5.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius. Robin said he was supposed to be released early but a parole board is saying he should go through psychotherapy first.
Robin read about the pilot who died mid-flight. Robin said they have a story about a co-pilot passing out mid-flight today. Robin read about that flight that was diverted when the co-pilot lost consciousness. Robin said they're not sure what caused the situation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about North Shore. Howard said he's going to pass out if the show doesn't end soon. The caller said that he worked at a shelter for a few years and dogs can go insane from being locked in a cage. Howard said they do. He said there are some adult animals who are in cages for 2 or 3 years. Howard said they go insane and here is nothing more moving than going in and rescuing them from that. Howard said they have little lives and they're great companions. Howard said you've opened up your heart and you get so much reward from it. Howard said his wife fosters animals and she's placed like 200 so far. Howard said they rescue them in every way they can. Howard said Beth has a new book coming out for Christmas and the money goes to North Shore. Howard said send it to your friends. He said the book is called Yoda Gets A Buddy. Howard said make a donation and buy the book. Howard said he's out of steam. He said there are too many horrors in the world.
Robin read about there being a single winner in the $310 million powerball last week. Robin said they introduced the woman yesterday and she's a grandmother who was working a third shift at a fiberglass factory. She immediately quit her job when she found out she won. Howard said lottery tickets are for suckers. Howard said people who buy them are people without money. Howard said it worked out for her but it won't work out for you. He said try to invest. Howard said if your philosophy is to buy lottery tickets then you're doomed. Howard said Sal's dad went broke buying lottery tickets. Sal came in and said that was horrible. He said every penny he made at the pizzeria was spent on lottery tickets. Sal said they got to a point when their mother would make Wonder bread for dinner and put Marinara sauce on it. He said it was bad. He said his dad used to drive out of state to buy tickets. Howard said that's who they should put on the news. Howard said if he bought some stock with that money he would have had some money. Howard said the lottery is a sucker's game. Sal said he doesn't buy them.
Robin read a story about how Joe Biden may have put out the story about his son asking him to run for president himself. Howard said if he did that then he's a monster. Howard said he believes that Joe is a good man.
Robin said they say there may be a cure for Malaria. Robin read about how they have come up with a compound that comes from natural red pigment in soil bacteria. Robin said they say the next step will be human trials.
Robin said that the mail service is getting slower. Robin said that what used to take 3 days now takes 5. Howard said that's a sad statement. Howard said mail delivery tells the evolution of a country. Howard said in some countries you can't mail anything. He said you can't trust it. Howard said he sent a letter to his daughter a couple months ago and it never got there. Howard said they weren't able to deliver it even though the correct address was on it.
Robin read a story about the suicide of Jim Carrey's girlfriend and how she may have killed herself after getting a letter from her biological mother who called her a failure. Howard said he and Jim email once in a while. He wondered if he should reach out. Robin said of course he should. Howard said maybe she's right. Robin said they say that the woman killed herself on the third anniversary of her father's death.
Robin read a story about how Toyota is being asked why Isis has acquired so many of their vehicles. Robin said the last thing you need is Isis driving around in your trucks.
Robin read about a woman who was arrested after being caught hiding out in a port-a-potty. Robin said she ran away from cops when they tried to speak to her but she was found 20 minutes later when a construction worker found her in the toilet. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Jon said Howard created a niche but back then it was about picking the music. Meg said her memory of those days at WRNW, which was portrayed very well in the movie, is that he tried with the music but he hadn't figured out what he was going to be on the radio. She said that he figured it out and he's shown that he has the courage to be on TV. She said back in those days to keep a job it was just doing what you had to do to keep a job. She said in the beginning you just want to get your foot in the door.
Jon asked Meg if she saw the Howard Stern he became back then. Jon said they had some special people at WRNW. Meg said everyone went on to be on the air in New York City. She said that she didn't see the Howard they see now. She said the Howard she knew then was shy and awkward. She said she remembers the big bomb of a car he drove and how he lived in a Monastery. She said that he's a mix of all kinds of things you wouldn't expect. She said she didn't see him going forward to the success he has now.
Jon asked Meg if she only played the music that no one was aware of. Meg said Howard does exaggerate in the name of humor. She said she did play stuff that wasn't known. She said she liked breaking bands that weren't known. Meg said they didn't have a lot of restrictions on them at the time. Meg said if she played stuff that was unfamiliar it's only because it was new. She said that she did play the Beatles and stuff like that.
Jon said that Creedence gets overlooked sometimes. He said that they heard so many great songs with John. He said he thinks they're an underrated band. Meg said she's not sure that's the right word. She said that anyone who hears one of their songs knows who it is right away. Meg said people have an ''oh wow'' moment when they hear them. She said that everyone is standing there listening to song after song that came from such a concentrated period. Meg said Howard got into it with John about how they did that bad move with the contract. She said John was too young to sign a contract but he did it and they had Stu's father look at the contract. She said she has the feeling that there is some lingering doubt in John's mind that Stu's dad didn't look at the contract. She said that he says in his book that they were doomed from that day on and it was like absorbing radiation.
Gary came in and said Howard brought up that he declared himself the worst DJ in the history of radio. Jon said they had to hold that thought and take a break.
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Jon said John Fogerty had another 160 songs to put out because of that contract he signed. Gary said he read an excerpt from the book where John talks about going to court over the name Creedence Clearwater Revisited and he found out that the judges didn't know much about rock and roll. Gary said John got screwed in a lot of places. He said that John came to life when Howard asked him about the lawsuits. He said it's a passionate thing in him about getting wronged.
Meg said that John talked about his wife Julie helping him and you have to move past this stuff. She said she's not sure how you do that. She said he talked about not getting the gold records that they earned. She said that Saul never reported any of the earnings and the band never even got the awards that they deserved. She said that means a lot to a musician.
Gary said he can't imagine going to see any version of Creedence that doesn't include John. Gary said he's sure that the band is talented but he doesn't get that. Gary said that they never had any big successes after John left. Meg said that they never would have had the sound they had without the other guys too. She said that they were great too. Gary said that you have to think about chemistry. He said without that they wouldn't have created that sound.
Jon said more often than not you don't get what you're looking for. He said the other guys must have known that John was changing things but the songs were turned into hits. He said if they had signed a decent contract it would have turned into something different.
Meg said she thought it was kind of cool when John talked about getting a paper route to finally get that Silvertone guitar from Sears. She said she's sure that was in half the homes out there at the time because it was affordable. She also thought it was great when he said he stayed home for a month to practice playing. She said Howard said you have to be obsessed to take a month off from school. She said you know you're meant to do that.
Gary asked Meg about the time they worked at WRNW and how he was never very good at it. Gary asked what he was like on the air. Meg said she would say ''lame'' if she had to come up with one word. Meg said it was kind of lame and he was trying to find his way. She said the rest of them were living the music life and going to shows but Howard wasn't. She said that Howard listened to stuff but she's not sure how much of that life he was living. She said it was obvious when he was on the air. Meg said it sounded like he was just trying to figure out how to get his foot in the door and stay in the door.
Gary said he thinks that Meg and the guys were out at concerts but Howard was probably in bed by 9 at night. Meg said that in that house for WRNW they had 4 businesses. She said it wasn't just the station. She said they had a little closet upstairs. She said she could fit a chair and receiver in there. She said she'd listen to albums in there all day long. She said she was trying to bring that to the station. They went to break a short time later.
Meg said Sam was sick and suffering. She said she saw a lot of that there. She said that they were all under the influence of the white powder. She said Sam had that pinkie fingernail for snorting during the show. She said that Howard and Gary would drag her in there and she started to ask Sam if anyone loves him. She said that he had an entourage with him and it looked like hookers that were dragged off the street. Gary said there was one night, or morning, where Sam showed up with 20 people. Meg said they were always in the DJ lounge too. She said that there was always a hooker in the way. Gary said there was one day that a very attractive woman showed up and he thought she was with Sam for days but he just met her at a diner that morning.
Jon asked Meg if she was excited in some way when they'd ask her to come in. Meg said that the arguments were real and the times she was pissed off she was pissed off. She said that after a while she got used to it enough. She said they'd take their headphones off and laugh. She said they knew it was funny and insane. She said the fans would go nuts for that stuff.
Gary said that the fans thought Meg took the music so seriously and Howard would torment Meg over Yoko Ono. Gary said Howard would goof on Lenny Kay over that kind of stuff. Meg said he's put out great album collections of the music they love. She said Howard would beat on that stuff. She said Howard's audience loves him and if they don't know who that person is they would all join in too. She said she felt like she was part of a lynch mob.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the John Fogerty interview was great. He said he sounded strong too. He said he hasn't lost his voice. He said the most interesting thing was the story about Saul, the typical Jew, ripping off the artist. Gary told him to stop. He said that's ridiculous. They hung up on the guy.
Gary said John came in to warm up this morning and did Fortunate Son. He said they were all standing there watching that and all knew that they were lucky to be seeing that. Gary said he also loved that the notebook John started with ''Proud Mary'' being the first words he wrote in the book. He said it was almost like seeing the Declaration of Independence.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Meg about Howard talking about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and maybe she can tell Howard how that nomination thing works. Meg said there are so many people who belong in the hall of fame. She said that there is only a certain amount put in each year and that narrows it down. She said it's a nominating committed and they have to hash that thing out. She said that's actually going to be announced tomorrow. Meg said that it's a variety of different people who are invited to vote. She said she was invited in herself. She said she's on the nominating committee.
Jon said John Fogerty explained why he played at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without the guys from the band. Gary said that he wrote about that in his book. He said there was more too it than he said yesterday. Gary said he just doesn't want to be put out there as a band. Meg brought up the story about the rest of the band selling their shares of the band to Saul's aunt too and he had no idea about that.
Jon said they have to wrap up. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and gave Meg some plugs for the shows she does there at SiriusXM. They ended the show around 12:15pm.
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Jon asked Brendon what he remembers about that interview. Brendon said he remembers him walking around the studio too. He said that he had just gone through cancer and he said he cured it by illegal means. He said he wasn't sure what that meant. Gary said he didn't know either. Gary said he thinks Eddie had an electric guitar on and it wasn't plugged in. He said he remembers following him around and he was playing but no one could hear it playing except a couple of people a foot away from it.
Brendon said this was like 2005 or 2006. He said his friend asked him to go see Tenacious D and he went with his friends. He said they had a sky box with a butler guy there. He said the guy said they have a nice bathroom in the sky box next door. He said the guy said they had to be cool to use that. Brendon said that he had to take a leak so he went over. He saw the Osbourne kids there and Dave Grohl too. He thought that was pretty cool. Then he got straight armed as he walked in. He said a guy asked who he was. Brendon said he was nobody. Brendon said the guy mocked him and he said he was going to the bathroom anyway. He was with the people from Gibson. He said then the light catches the guy's face and it's Eddie Van Halen. He said he thought he was going to get into a fight with this guy. Brendon said he's like 100 pounds heavier than he is and he could have ended up in a fight with him. Brendon said he had a Van Halen shirt on under his hoodie. He said he showed Eddie and he lost interest in him immediately.
Gary asked if he walked away from that with Eddie being a dick or being a goofball. Brendon said he thought that the people around him were looking at him like ''Here goes Eddie again...'' Brendon said he thought it was pretty cool. He said later on one of Eddie's friends came out and apologized to him for Eddie's behavior.
Gary said he had an experience with Pete Townshend once at K-Rock. He said he was in a chair up in the office and he was in a chair with wheels on it. He said he was introduced to Pete and he told him what a big fan they were up there. He said Pete took his entire hand and placed it over his face and pushed him back. He said the people who were with him just said that's the way Pete is. He said he had a big smile on his face and acted like it was a big goof. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Brendon is a fan but his wife is the big fan. Howard said they are a Stern Show couple. Brendon said his wife knows more than he does in some cases. He said she knows some of the drops he doesn't know. Gary asked who turned who onto the show. Brendon said he listened in Boston for years. He said his wife has been listening since 1994. He said it's part of her every day life. He said she loves the interviews. He said the farting and shitting segments are his favorites.
Jon said they were talking about Van Halen earlier. He asked Brendon about some of the other interviews Howard has done with Van Halen. Brendon said he has a friend who made him a mix tape and gave him an interview with David Lee Roth from 1986 or so. He said that was when he creating a new band. Gary said that was back when they were shaming David into coming on the show. He said they became friendly after that. Gary said Dave came in with a good sense of humor about the whole thing. He said he was a great friend of the show for a period of time.
Gary said that David Lee Roth likes to talk. He said there were two incidents that stand out. He said David did the show once and he came back to the office and David was there talking to Stuttering John. He said years later he went to the MTV music awards and David was in the bathroom. He said hello to him and David will talk to anyone about anything. He said he thinks that's just a fun thing about him.
Jon said Howard has talked about how those guys can't get it together to do a tour. Gary said they keep trying. He said they forget about what happened 2 years ago and try again. Gary said even Oasis has stopped trying. Jon said he loved when they had David and Sammy together. He said you knew that was going to crash and burn.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Mets and that got Gary talking about how he's going to a couple of games next week. Jon said that Scott Salem is going to game 3. He said that Gary may not want to go to that one. They spent a little more time on that.
Jon took a call from a woman who brought up Steve Rannazzisi and his apology tour. She said she can't stand that. She said the thing that weirded her out is getting too much information. She said it grosses her out when someone has a compulsion to lie. Gary said a compulsion to lie would mean to him that they have to lie every time they open their mouth. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he's not sure it's a compulsion. Jon said he knows Steve as a really good guy and he knew that's where the interview was going to go. Howard didn't say it was okay. He said Steve was just explaining where it all came from. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon asked Brendon about Howard playing Caninus on the show. Brendon said the dog is really good. He said the band is too. He said to play metal you have to be really good at your job. He said he likes Howard because he's good at his job. He said that's why he likes metal too.
Jon said he's right about the metal. He said it's very hard to play that quickly that well. Gary said the drummers really blow him away. He said even when they went to see Rush seeing that guy play drums for that amount of time is insane. He said it's like a two and a half hour marathon at full tilt. Jon said they went to see Richard play in a concert once and the guys there were the nicest guys in the world. Brendon said that the fans are the nicest people in the world. He said they're so polite too. They spent a few more minutes talking about drumming and metal.
Jon took a call from Michael Rapaport who was disguising his voice saying he was his lawyer. Michael said he wants to know who is saying what because he had a discussion with his son's science teacher who said they were ripping him a new asshole. He said he wants to know what the fuck is going on. Michael said they're questioning his sexuality too. Gary said he wasn't as big of an asshole as he could have been toward Michael. Gary said some people are very happy that Michael lost. He said that some people think it's fun for Michael to get angry. Gary said that he did get a message from Michael talking about how he was going to be standing outside his house with duct tape and Vaseline. Gary said Michael explained that it's a bug repellant. Gary asked if it bothered him that he lost. Michael said of course it did. He said it was horrible that he lost. Gary said he's not going to get into it but there were some rule changes that made him lose some points but it had nothing to do with the outcome. He said Michael is screaming like a banshee anyway.
Michael said that Jon has to stop acting like he's his friend. He said he lost to Gary and it's fine. Gary asked why it's fine. Gary said Michael says he has to beat him in the rest of the season. Michael asked Gary how many hours of sleep he lost over that game. Gary said he didn't lose any. He said anything can happen. Michael asked if he checked his phone when he got up at 2:30 in the morning. Gary said he got up at 10 to 5 and he checked his phone and then went to work. Michael asked if he made in his monkey diaper. Gary said he did not shit his diaper.
Michael said Gary has confirmed that his house warming party is on at his house in a few weeks. He said he sent him a list of things that he's requesting there. Jon let Michael go after that.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Brendon before ending the show. They were done around 11:50am.